We Hate Movies - S11: Episode 541 - Zardoz

Episode Date: April 13, 2021

On this week's show, the unofficial Sean Gone month continues as the gang dissects the total cinematic oddity known as Zardoz! Wasn't the big, red diaper great? What's with that pretentious floating head intro? And did Connery really demand he get paid for driving himself to set? PLUS: Zed becomes enamored with the "Where's Waldo?" franchise! Zardoz stars Sean Connery, Charlotte Rampling, John Alderton, Sara Kestelman, and Niall Buggy; directed by John Boorman. Catch WHM on tour this fall—More Info WHM Merch Store Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, did everybody get a good look at that red diaper? It's Zardaz. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Shadak. Eric Siska. Crushed Cobb and we hate movies. The only one that didn't do one. Hello, everyone, welcome to we hate movies. Thank you for tuning into our fine program, as always, if you're new to the show, because you

fucking love Sean Connery so much. We're a comedy show where we take an innocent look at some movies over the years and make fun of them, regardless of how we actually feel about them. This week on the program, Zardaz, from 1974, directed by John Borman.

Let's all hold up on the innocent talk with this movie. Let's just back the fuck up on the innocent talk. This movie kind of rules, and John Borman kind of rules as well. I agree. realizing watching this i've seen very few john boorman movies this is my first man oh really you

guys should watch excalibur i feel like it has a bit in common with this movie in in terms of nudity and uh just his like john boorman like you can see like you know i don't i don't throw around the a word a lot um asshole no you doish uh players um really great i you guys saw deliverance too though so you I've never seen Deliverance. Oh, really? So I've seen like his like weird 70s period because I've seen deliverance. I've now seen Zardaz, which was two years after deliverance. And then three years after this movie was Exorcist to the Heretic, which my goodness, that's a bad movie.

You did point blank as well, right? The Lee Marvin. Yes, which I've always wanted to see that. Amazing movie. Absolutely incredible. And he did a hell in the Pacific. it's just Lee Marvin versus to share

refune and am I saying that right Muffune I believe it's just them two on an island fighting what? It's incredible it's fucking incredible

that sounds awesome I was kind of floored by this because this has got like your classic like bad movie earmark like it's one of the worst Razzies and all this stuff

and I mean like the fucking Razzies man yeah I was reading that trivia I had a lot lot of fun with it. I thought it was really good. I mean, it's not great. I don't think it works all the way, but I love what it's trying to do. And I love what it's doing as well. Steve, can I say, I don't make a plea often, but I really do think we could take over the Razzies and make it a five-star service. We can make it a global brand that's not this

fucking joke that has been for the fucking last, what, two, three, five decades. Plus, we would take out all the homophobia and transphobia that's all over them, fuckers. Seriously, it's outrageous. We need to muscle our way in there. And for years, we've been talking about being pro mafia. And maybe we can find some common ground there. Yes. Get a crew to muscle for us, take out the Razies. I definitely now want this to happen. So I get a business card that says like executive director, the Razies on it. Yeah, absolutely. That guy from Sing Sing, who is in the mafia who sent us the letter. Yeah. Send us another letter. What are you up to these days? Are you still a fan? If so, we have some place for money.

And note to any federal agents listening, this is a joke satire parody. But it's like the Razz, like the Razzies is like fucking basic ass bad movies. Like we're not talking about like, you know, movies that are barely released. Like those deserve Razzies. Right. Not like movies like this that are trying to do something that, you know, maybe fall short of the mark depending on where you set your mark and or are somewhat incoherent like this film might be. but at least it's like you know it's doing something this art here it is doing something it's a thing

that like and it's a it's a real trap when you're dealing with science fiction specifically is that idea of like when you're when your concept is so big but the budget is just not there right like they made this movie for like a million dollars 200 000 of that went to connery god damn right you're gonna fucking pay all your pay you want to put me in a diaper that's gonna be too $100,000. Did you read the trivia about like fucking Connery was like coupon clipping on this goddamn

trip. He was driving himself to and from the production and he told Borman to give him half of the budget they had for the driver in the car. Well, if I'm driving, I should get paid. First of all, you're saving

money. It's half the price, but then if I'm driving, I should get paid. The rest of stuff that can go to your weird cock movie. Anyway, and he stayed with the fucking Borman family while he was there. And, like, you just know he was plowing Borman's wife every

night. Probably, but at least he offered to pitch in rent money at the end of the production. I don't know. The Irish hotel market is garbage. I mean, I'll take a bath on these Irish hotels. Listen, Borman, you've got a guest house. I'll pay you 50

shillings a week or whatever the fuck you're worth. All right, Borman, look, you've got one or two options here. You let me in that guest house for the three months we're filming this weird penis movie or I'm sleeping in your bed.

Oh, boy, me to ask you, are you, a swinger? You're now. And he would read that who the first choice of Zad was supposed to be. And like he, it was Burt Reynolds and he, uh,

what's this, uh, what's this Zardaz guy about? What kind of card is he draw? What kind of card is Zardos? He agreed in some way, shape, or form. And I was like, oh, I think they sent him the costume. He was like, oh, yeah, I'm sick. Yeah, I got a bad cough, Borin.

I swallowed a piece of gum and I just keep coughing. John, what's this about a wedding dress? I'm going to say no about that, John. I'm surprised Connery didn't walk at that, dude. I have to say that was pretty surprising. And by the way, speaking of the budget constraints and stuff, if you want to see Borman go wild with a big budget, like Excalibur. I have to say it again, really cool. The whole King Arthur story, including

the stuff you forgot. Is that the one with Richard Gear? No, that's last night, which actually has Sean Connery in it. Or is it first night? First night. First night. What did I say last night? I think it's, um, uh, God, what's his name? Dean Keaton. Oh, Gabriel Byrne. Yeah. Yes, he is in that. I don't know if he, is he, is he. I don't think he's the main, main feller. Uh, let me, Nigel Terry is playing King Arthur. Oh, you got Helen Mirren. is morgana yeah it's a really fun movie it is it is good and it just makes me think of um zardos because of reading about that and how he was adapting lord of the rings which would have been fucking fantastic john boorman's 70s weird lord of the rings wouldn't be maybe as i don't know accurate

or whatever is the peter jackson ones which are good but like i would love to see a 70s weird live action one yeah i would have really loved to have seen because you know i mean those lotr movies obviously great, but the cocaine that would have been involved in John Borman's Lord of the Rings. That really would have been something of that. Like a chastle full of it. I mean, there would have been nudity too, for sure. Oh, yeah. And like, you know, Tolkien would have been alive.

Would be like, maybe not. Maybe not, John. Or if a tree beard had a dick, if we just saw his dick swinging when he brings them around. Yeah. Wouldn't that be good? Which I will say, I mean, which I really like about this movie. I mean, and maybe I like it because it's so rare now, which is like sci-fi where sex exists. It's not exactly porn-e, but like it acknowledges that people have genitals and do stuff with them, you know what I mean?

Which most sci-side does not, or, you know, I don't know, most entertainment period does not do anymore. You know what I mean? Like, sex is something mommy's and daddies do behind closed doors. Like, no, these are, this is something that people do when kind of it drives society in certain ways. I mean, this is really indebted to dick art. There's all these pictures of erotic art throughout this movie of like pictures of etchings and walls of like fucking, you know, people having mouth sex with each other. Jackie Treehorn was on the set decoration or some shit. Log jamming with John Borman.

Yeah, John. Yeah, I got the shits. I can't do your boner movie. Yeah. Because you're not going to let me show my hog. did you guys hear the other person who turned this down no who richard harris oh wow oh oh oh no no oh chap no i won't be wearing that no exactly no no no neither neither the diaper nor the dress no no no no it is pretty crazy that he's just like shirtless almost this entire film pretty much pretty much shirtless yeah i mean he's got like the you know the bandalero with like the shotgun uh shot gun uh shells on it for a while there but that comes off once he's captured um chris i was just going to ask you you're that you're a big john boorman head it might be a bit of a challenge but

because i feel like this is a movie like people see that title people have seen the red diaper nobody's seen this movie so if you is there a way to simply distill what this is or not so much um i would say the easiest way to do it is a uh a brutal killer uh sneaks his way into a society of very bored immortals who have created a walking dead-esque system of camps like there's the seniles there's the

what are the apathists yeah the apathetics apathetics and like they when he enters he discombobulates the whole fucking thing because he can get a hard on it's I'm gonna mix it up and scrap it up with It's kind of like a reverse matrix in a way. Yeah, I can see that.

He goes in the system and destroys it. I was getting a lot of, I think the Wachowski's maybe dug this movie, like just the people in the bags we see throughout this movie. And like if one of these eternals, these immortal people in the vortex, which is like under the dome, if they die, they get reincarnated as a baby in a bag to the point of which they will be regenerated. And, you know, the titular Zardaz passes away and comes back in that fashion.

Yes. I really have to say, the this, the stonehead effect is incredible. It's really great. It was freaking me out, man. I have to say, it was fucking freaking me out. And, like, it's a practical effect. It looks awesome. It's weird as hell. Yeah. Maybe we're doing John Borman, a couple too many favors because he does start this.

That's not the beginning. The beginning is this fucking Arthur Freid, Zardaz, and, like, capital P pretentious opening of like, oh, has everyone gotten their seats? My name is Arthur Vrain. You might call me Zardas someday. And, like, it just, it needs to be text. Yes. Because apparently Fox was like, I can't make heads or tails of your movie.

You need to have something to draw the audience in. And this ain't it. It's a weird, like, theatrical, like our town or something. Exactly. Look, you can't just enjoy the movie? You have to have narrative self-awareness. And it's also weird, too, because, like, he's running his mouth, and it starts sounding like when Orson Wells would get off on a drunken rant

because he's like, oh, yes, I'm Zardars. I'm a fake god and a magician. Merlin is my hero, and I am the puppet master. And I was like, shut up, Zardaz. I also used to manage a Baskin-Robbins. and I also invented Toopsox. I'm thrice divorced.

I mean, yeah, I want the Zarda. Hey, Zardaz. How's it go? Who are your guys? Oh, let's see. Merlin and the amazing Jonathan. Oh, of course, God. The greatest magician of all. Yeah, because he, it's, you know,

and it's one thing to be like, okay, look we just need something to draw us in and he does tell him that we're both Arthur Fran and Zardaz and he's kind of a fake God but then he ends it off with like this thing where it's like oh and I created these people which God created

you audience and I'm like dude I want to walk out of the theater right now. Yep yeah I don't need this call and response shit Zardaz it's fun like what's weird I rewatched this opening after watching the movie last night and you know the I feel the proper way to

watch this movie obviously is at night with substances but yeah i was i was stone cold sober and i honestly don't think it helped this time and i was just like watching this i was like you know like fact checking and it's like zardos is kind of he's right on the money in this intro because it's like he did create these people could we come to find that like he he allowed connery's father and father's father to breed this like this like eugenics thing to because zardos is he wants He wants his reality to end. He wants the vortex to end. And he was engineering Sean Conner to come in there and bust it up.

Yeah. Yeah, he's the one who like plants the bomb that is Sean Connery playing Zed in this movie. What's interesting is they, the, the studios saw this. Like, imagine you're at Fox in the 70s and you're watching this movie. And your big, your big note at the end of watching the first place, it's like, you know, maybe. Maybe we should have a floating head in the beginning that explains everything that happens here. You know, you got me with, all right, the erection drawing, the whole diamond, 24-minute diamond sequence, phenomenal stuff. I wouldn't change your thing.

I would change possibly a guy in a king tut kind of garb just jawing at you for like three minutes while you get your fucking popcorns together. That's what I think this movie needs. I'll tell you what. You can keep the floating head, all right? It just has to be a person they're telling us the stuff, okay? Look, I'm not, look at me, John.

I am not going to complain about a movie that has Charlotte Rampling, running around with barely clothing on. Trust me, I'm with you on that, but we need the floating head. Look, Borey, you know I'm your friend. Listen, that talking head, I love it, I love it.

Here's a little tip, though. Maybe you should clearly use a marker to draw fake facial hair on the actor. I mean, that's something that really gets me, too. Is that, like, is that like him? Because I guess, like, the idea is he the Eternals are bored. Is that like, oh, I'm a pirate today. And he, like, puts a little monocle on.

He just got into the black market. I woke up in a bunch of weeners around my face. Oh, Zadaz, it's hard to worship you with a big cock on your face. You think this is weird. I used to pretend I was a horse for like a death. Shardosh, you're mad. You're totally mad. I mean, this head does fucking rule the school, though.

And like, that's, because when the movie starts, the movie starts, and I'm like, yes. Yeah, it really does get into it. By the way, zip it around. You know, we don't get that scroll, but we do get the date, which is pretty cool. It's 2293. And the text for this was interesting

because in the whole line, it just, it's the whole thing when you first see it is a film by John Borman set in, 2293. I thought that was kind of cool. I have to say. It was pretty neat. And so the head shows up to the beach. There's all these exterminators who are all the red diaper brigade. And one of the first lines, if not the first line, this thing says is, guns are good. The penis is evil. And I'm like, yeah. You have my undivided attention right now. This is predicting, right? That's America in 2021. one fucking bads killing's good yeah that's got it yes it would be and the foreman is a profit i will i'm gonna go with these exterminators uh i guess not so much the costume but just like riding around under the horses and shoot and shit gave me like planet of the apes vibes with this too yes oh big time yeah i mean there's definitely also like uh there's one part where you know

they're like killing people on a beach also they definitely ride up on horseback next to a woman and throw a net on her that's like very planet of the ayes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. And like the, they all offer food to this big godhead thing

and then it kind of shoots guns out of it. Like it's a fucking slot machine. I do love that this is amazing because it really is, it's the energy of like a radio giveaway contest. Like all these fucking idiots with red Zardaz helmets on that they gave away free when they entered for the ticket. And then they're like, like shooting out like fucking t-shirts out of a cannon.

These fucking bullets and fucking rifles and shotguns and all kinds of shit. Missed opportunity to show us like a an armory or something in the vortex or how these guns are being made or stored for, I guess stored from human history because they store a bunch of statues and clothing. Right. Right. I do. I mean, here's my question. because like Eric, I actually rewatch the first 35 minutes of this this morning because again, you're supposed to watch this movie at 10.30 p.m.

is the right attitude. But I think repeat viewings helps appreciate this movie because it's ambitious and there's so much going on that's not maybe doesn't quite connect, but if you keep rewatching it, you'll get there. No, I think you're totally right. I mean, because when I finish

this at like 1130 this morning, unfortunately, I had to go right to the Wikipedia and I read the entire thing because I was like I pretty much get it but I know that this is definitely a movie you have to see more. That part went over my giant floating head.

My question is though when Connery picks up this really awesome gun this like I don't know you're a cold 40 whatever the hell you know a handgun Magnum or whatever and he points is this a James a sly James Bond reference I don't think it's sly whatsoever

okay that's a funky one where he shoots at the screen yeah. Yeah I mean It's also, but it's more aggressive, and it is showing you, like, kind of what this character's about, which is killing and murder and like, you know, it most definitely serves a, it most definitely serves a function in the movie, but like, there are other ways that you could just showcase that without him shooting directly at the camera. And that's why it's, it's a sloppy bond reference. I mean, is this, is this, this is the movie did right after diamonds are forever. And yeah, diamonds are forever, I think was 72 and he just could not get work after that movie. And then he doesn't do it again until, no. never say never again right correct okay like so yeah i can see it as like a bitter like if you're bitter about it and this movie kind of is dealing with masculinity in a more critical way than bond does i can see him being pissed off and seeing that as as this is a vehicle for that and i mean like you know i'll say it right now and i mean like just watching this is our third in the in the sean gone series uh that we that have watched this month and you know we did a gold finger uh never

say never again and this oh not necessarily uh you only live twice you'll live twice you'll live twice it always do that. Um, but it's, uh, it's, there's a huge difference between engaged Connery and not engaged Connery. And this is definitely engaged Connery. Yep. Yeah, he seems like pretty curious in this movie. Like, I have no fucking crew what's going on. I'm wearing a diaper. I'm firing guns and riding horses and shit. Okay. And fucking and Borman's kid was in the bathroom all morning. I couldn't even fucking shave properly. Listen, boy. Hey, Borman, get that kid out of the fucking bathroom. Hey, Borman, how about this?

How about this for a scene? I assault these women on the beach. Yeah. Borman, you live around here. I tell you, where's the local whorehouse? I don't want to bring a lady back here to a beautiful abode, but I need to get it out. You're going to have to tell me I'm going to visit your mothers. I've spent your wife already, John.

Tell me where the hoax is. I'm going to shake it out of you. Do you want me? stooping prostitutes at your mother's house. I'll do it on your front lawn, John. You know, here's a quick question. Is that giant head, is that available, if you know what I mean?

What if I took some ladies inside that giant head and gave them the what for? You know, make a great dinner party conversation I could talk about getting head while being in a head. Yes. I mean, the head does rule. It's, we've talked about it a little bit.

It's just, it's so cool. Little, uh, reminded me a little bit of, uh, Olmec from Nickelodeon's Legends of the Hidden Temple. There's a little, uh, Terry Gilliam, uh, Monty Python illustration to it. Yeah, yeah, I could see, I can see, showing up in time bandits or something. Yes, for sure. I, uh, I just now imagining Connery in Monty Python. I'm not the night in shape. I got no fucking knee.

I can't stand where. with these fucking guys. None of this is funny. None of it. Yes, the parrot is dead. So what? None of you are the Spanish Inquisition. And yes, I did fucking expect us.

Yeah, I just love the Zardaz announcement. Go forth and kill. And then like Steve said, like this, the gun and ammo vomiting is just so, hilarious and then it's great we get back to this cloud like it it wouldn't have been appropriate in the movie but in my head while i was watching this because it goes back to the cloud just floating around while more credits go by if you put in like everybody's talking about me just like some ridiculous like folk song yeah uh yeah or that or maybe like some like uh wicker man original b side like

golly rigs and all the rigs all the kinds of as we're majestically flying through the sky could be something penis rigs and cock rigs and ball rigs and pubis rigs or because you need some traveling music

right be like we got a great big con boy coming down the dude oh that's a good question does the giant head have a horn oh I think so man move it or lose it flock of birds get out of the way

So I guess this is probably What the original Start of the movie is Because Connery Is sort of like Oh Steve your favorite thing He's technically a stowaway He emerges from cat litter

It seems I think it's the grain You really got to change this every three days And else oh this is disgusting Look at all the towns in this Look at them Look what I have to sit in, Borman a bunch of tards.

Eric, did you find Sean Connery in your cat, or no? No, I haven't. I should go check, though,

after we're done here. My bones bury me and Eric Shishka's catlater. Although it does, like, his chest hair

does look like something a cat would like to do, like the steps on, like, curl its nails around a little bit. I'm gonna say,

it's a thick-ass carpet, dude, yeah. He is a specimen in this film. Holy mackerel. He's back in shape. I mean, funny enough we're talking you know i remember on the you only live twice episode that movie is

nineteen sixty seven there's definitely uh you know a paunch situation going on he definitely was not excited for that movie but i feel like you know no regardless of how excited you are to be in czar does when the answer is you are going to be running around with no shirt on and just wearing a red like a bikini diaper the whole movie you're going to do some crunches before better you have to and by the way i love the long hair to and the crazy mustache. This is my quarantine look. John, it looks like you need a alpha male in this role.

I can provide for you that, John. He looks like, and I mean like this is going to, our X-Men fans who are not in this room will enjoy. He looks like Sebastian Shaw, the leader of the Hellfire Club. Like, he would have made an awesome 1970s Sebastian Shaw. I'll leave it at that. Nobody cares, but three nerds like, yay!

Well, I recognize the character, at least, right? That's who Kevin Bacon played in first class. Yes, and he doesn't have like the long, flowy hair, the long, like, kind of pulled back hair that you want in the character, which is what Connery's kind of rocking here, which I love. Yeah, you want more of a cult leader look rather than, like, businessman, which is Bacon's look. So he's, like, kind of investing. He comes out of the seeds.

It's like the wheat that they grow for Zardaz in exchange for the guns. spoiler alert the rich immortal people inside the vortex use it to bake green bread okay so he pops out of these he's looking around and this the inside of this

head here is filled with a bunch of skulls and like vacuum sealed frozen people it is certainly something else looks like they're from the blade warehouse it's so insane and like Sean Connery

like Zed is just like sniffing them like oh can I open it and touch it. What does this one taste like? And meanwhile, that one Fox executive is just watching this opening night, like, you know what, thank God I had that fucking idea

about the talk and floating head in the beginning or else everyone would have been launched. Now we're all following it easily. Look, I don't often say better than Godfather, but better than Godfather. Do you see these plastic wrapped women? Get ready to eat shit, Paramount.

Here comes Zardaz. You fucking godfather all right um i do love that he shoots zardos in the back here hey you shoot zardos in the back what if you miss oh and zardos this whole thing is like oh all this is for nothing well you know because it seemed like now my rewatch this morning i'm like okay so zardos was breeding sean connery to come in and invade he would have helped him this was all part of the plan and yeah instead he got shot. So then now, Sean Connery, when he gets to the vortex, has to kind of impress and ingratiate himself

with these rich, no-nothing idiots, the intertles, or whatever. Right. And so, you know, the head sort of lands outside of this Irish country house. Hey, Zaudas, as you're falling, you got instructions on this fucking thing

or what? It's a fucking parallel park of floating head. How do you do a K-turned with fucking bearded head. Can't even blink. I ain't got a single fucking mirror on this thing Zardaz. It's ridiculous.

Yeah, even put fuel in it. What the fuck? Which one is the blinker here? Can I get the right ear blinking so I could make this town? How about the air conditioning? Because it smells like fucking vacuum sealed people in here. Also, uh, what's the, uh,

what's the access code to some of these vacuum sealed ladies Zada, Zadas, the radio. is broken and the hi-eighth is not working. I have just one question. How do you clean all the dead birds from inside the mouth off? Do you have a mop in here somewhere? Yeah, that'd be a problem.

And I'm kind of imagining him like the dude, like smoking a joint, bang in the top of his car, bang in the top of his head, while listening to Credence a bit. Absolutely. Dude, that would be fucking great. Oh, my God. Yeah, like, you would feel, you know, you're traveling pretty fast. I mean, this head's not going at warp speed, but it's going through the sky.

Yeah, like the bugs and the birds and what? Hey, Zardas, you got some windshield wipers or what? It's disgusting in here. He eats, he swallows a fucking June bugger's. Does it just land flat on the ground or I got like a fucking landing gear? I got a deal. Shouldn't have killed that man before he taught me how to drive the head. Oh, no, you should have pressed the, the red box.

It releases the shoulders, which allows the head to gracefully hit the floor. That would have been interesting to me yesterday. So he gets to this country estate, like, no one's really around, so he's kind of like poking around this house and everything. He finds, like, I love the scene where he goes in, he finds that little grow-up that they have going on here. That was pretty sweet. Some sick hydro happening. Well, I like all these little bubbles. that are very good for outside dining

these days. I got a real vibe of like, we won't let homeless people set up tents, but we're a restaurant, and here's a cute little bubble that you can have a dinner in. I see those things on the street, dude. I want to throw my own fucking feces at him. I want to take a shit in my

hand in the street and throw it at those things. Don't you just want to pop them? You do. You definitely do. I want to pop them with my shit. That's all I want shouldn't they be popped? Isn't that the whole point of outdoor? All right, you know, that should be the new rule is you do, you can have erect those structures, but they all have to be Zardah's heads. So you're looking.

Absolutely. Absolutely. I'm into this. It's a city of Zardos heads. Dude, eating inside of his Zardos head, side me the fuck up. Yeah, dude. You get a free AR-15. It's a fucking Alabama special right there, dude, dinner and a gun.

Now, Eric, you watch us again this morning. My question was, is he, so it, because it's a weird how they, they, the movie kind of structures itself. You don't know what his deal is at all until about like, I don't know, 50 minutes into the film. Who's Zed or Zardos? Zed. And is he playing dumb or is he like actually learning through, you know what I mean? Like that's, yeah. Yeah. I think it's a little bit of both, but the vibe I got was that he was playing, he was playing dumb and he, him in this selective breeding that Zardo, had secretly had done like he was starting like man is getting

smart again and that's right now it's a threat to the vortex yeah I think I think he's kind of playing possum here Steve because there are those flashbacks where it's revealed that Zardaz or what the fuck the

whatever the guy's name who is Arthur Frane Arthur Frame yeah yeah like gave Connery like access to books in that library he knows that he knows that read that flashback

sequence which we could talk about now right I mean yeah talking about it now we're talking about it I think it's a hard movie to talk through because there's just a lot of like whatever it's hard yeah you're right it's hard enough to fucking watch and this flashback sequence almost like reminded me of those moments towards the end of like dark city where you get like all the exposition

of what actually happened yes it's like it's weird though because like in dark city I always felt like that was too little too late but in this movie I was like well better late than never I kind of appreciated it. I mean, it's funny. I mean, like, he learns how to read through Good Night Moon or whatever.

That's what's crazy about it. It's like, and then I found, no, that's not even a Sean Connery voice. I can't, my God, where is it? I got to look for it. But he finds a library and he just reads the entire thing. He just picks it up and he figures it out. All the books. He reads all the books.

I feel like Arthur Frater. It's like, you know, Zad, it might be good to, like, get away from the James Patterson once in a while. There's a lot of reference books here. I kind of want you to dig into. No, no, no. This man can write a mystery like I've never seen. I got to tell you, I've learned more from my baby's first bathroom than I've read any other book in this place. And I read an interesting book about.

a clown name Pennywise and all these other books and whatever Maine is let's never go there Zodos. Hey Zardaz guess what I just learned when I was reading today? Everybody poops.

Did you know that Bet Midler has over 20 books that she calls memoirs? There's a lot of books about architecture over here Zed. I really would like you to look at. Hey Zardaz. Let me ask you a question. Where's

Waldo? Oh, Jesus. That's not even reading. Found them. He's shooting the book? I spy with my little eye. Oh, boy. Oh, dear. This is... Oh, you can't hide on the beach, Waldo.

Oh, hey, Waldo. Nice try hiding in ancient Egypt. Oh, now they're doing dirty pool, Zardaz. Does that guy's dressed exactly like Waldo? I just like you to hide at the Tasman. And what we have here, the Star Wars essential kind to care of us?

Hey, Zardas, guess what? I just finished another page, Turner. This book had no words in it. I just had to make my eyes go blurry and stare until a picture came up. Oh, fantastic, Zed. I'm glad that I'm a fucking immortal that's good to take forever. Your magic won't work on me now, Zahdars. I have the power of the magic eye.

I also took in Michael Chabon's Telegraph Avenue. Eh, okay, not too much. Absolutely correct, Zed. Is that the one where it's like the pseudo-Shirlock Holmes continuation? No, that's the, this Telegraph Avenue's him doing record store owners in San Francisco. Sounds a lot better than it is. Oh, that's too bad. Well, you've never heard of a book called High Fidelity, right?

Ever, right? Hey, Zardas, man, I'm getting through Nick Hornby, and it's a hoot. Hey, hey, Zardaz, I just finished another Hornby page time. Now let me ask you this. Top five boy albums. Now, let me ask you, Zardas, do you know how to be good? Okay, top five breakups. The woman I sexually assaulted on the beach

The woman I sexually assaulted in the field Oh God Oh, the one in the mountains I forgot about that one That is the one nog on this movie I mean, it is a bit rapy It's incredibly rapy It's and it's I mean like it's

It's misogynistic but it's like so bold with it It's sort of interesting And maybe that's a privileged position of me to say that But at the very least like watching it It's like it's so forwarded and so so weird. It's just sort of like, woes. I mean, these people are called the Brutals. I think Borman was trying to

go like super what he would think is realistic of society crumbled into nothingness without education, etc. It's at least not super graphic with it, but we're talking about it an awful lot. It's there and it's

like something that you would still get, I think everything Borman is trying to say without showing that. Mm-hmm. I do love, while he's searching around this house, probably, like, one of my top five laughs of this movie. Top five laughs. Is Sean Connery getting spooked by the jack-in-the-box? He wants to shoot it.

It rules. You ever see a guy point a gun at a jack-in-the-box? Yes, once. He picks up the diamond ring, which is kind of like just an all-knowing computer or this, I guess, is a connection to the tabern. So anything he says it now, like is connecting. It's like he says like food, meat. And then he sees another big laugh I got again this morning, which is this big ham hockey tries to grab. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we're right out of the air when it's just projecting an image of it. And do we explain what the tabernacle is for the folks at home? No, we have not. I guess it's like an AI designed by one of the, one of the people who led the eternals or mortals or whatever they're called into the. vortex and it is the vortex and they've trained themselves to not remember how to disable it so that they can live forever whether they want to or not but but also vortexes are like the names of the houses like they go through uh like you you you have the the hilarious thing is it's literally

grocery lists for each vortex house is what's on the on the tabernacle when he reads it it's like yeah five baked beans you know 17 hot dogs for the cook out and it keeps it keeps it keeps saying like, you know, that list is for Vortex 1, this is for Vortex 3. I think the movie is centered in Vortex 4 if I was paying attention correctly. Are these in like Judge Dredd

parlance, like mega cities, like Vortex 1 is all that we're seeing or is it like or is he just walking through all these vortexes right now? Like, you know what I mean? No, I think it's a combo of like what you and Eric both said because Eric made the under the dome reference and I think like what you said

Steve, the various like houses maybe. Okay. And then it all makes up the larger like vortex community or something. It's confusing because I guess the vortex itself is one thing. So it's like you got New York City

in New York State and it's what is it? Is it New York County in Manhattan? It is New York County here in Manhattan. I think that's there you go. So it's like, wait what? Yeah. Yeah, that's fair.

It's a space and time turduckin. Right. But yeah, so he's walking around it is also kind of hilarious because Arthur Frayne has some sort of message or whatever on his machine and he's like, oh fuck Zaldas is home

I better bet a high tail it Believe it or not I'm walking on air But then he gets pretty He gets caught almost immediately by this woman May Who is not Charlotte There's two women in this woman

Two prominent characters in this movie One is Charlotte Rampling and one is not That's right. And actually, yeah, it's this other woman who's playing May who I checked her IMDB. She doesn't even have a photo. I don't know that she really did much. Sarah Kestelman's her name. Yes. And then Charlotte Rampling is playing Consuela, which seems a bit off, but okay. Whatever is that. I just, I just went to her IMDB, Sarah Kesselman. And she was in Listomania, the Ken Russell movie, which is fantastic. So who's that? Who's that? when she's introduced here she's wearing something it looks like she's about to like scrub in with the mantle twins from dead ringers yeah she's got this fucking frock on that's like all red and is very ominous and like it doesn't really prepare you for like the very i will say very like airy clothing that's going on after this oh everybody in the vortex is wearing something that breathes dude don't even worry about it it's kind of cool because again what i only watch the first half hour again but

like when you watch it and kind of know what's going on you realize at least at this scene that Connery is playing it where he's like, oh, I don't know how I got to you. What? When you're first watching it, you're not sure. You're just like, I have no idea what anything is. But watching it again, you're like, oh, he's like kind of tricking her.

Yeah, it's like it's a twisty, turny movie in that regard because you just think it's like, oh, a dumb ape man somehow got in in there. It doesn't really, is not aware of his surroundings, which you buy because you see society has crumbled. And there, May is like freaking out. at him and saying like, you know, how did you get into the vortex, you know, where is Alan or I keep forgetting Arthur, Zar does his name here, yeah, you know, where would you

do to him? How did you get in, you know, through the vortex or whatever? So like from that conversation, you start realizing, oh, there's like maybe, and it turns out to be true, like a vague force field situation here. Listen, last night, me and your friend Arthur went out for some drinks. She's like, listen, I'm going to go on vacation. Take my house for the week and grab my, you can, you don't even borrow my giant head. It'll take you right over there. He didn't tell me how to drive it, though. I would have been appreciative of some instructions or something. There is a moment where we do see the, the force field of the vortex with Connery putting his face up against it. Like, it's just a plate of glass that they're filming. But it is interesting.

I, I thought that was a rad effect. Yeah, I mean, because it's like he is like, like, two shots before that, like, miming, like walking with his hand, like on an invisible wall. And then when they cut to a close up, it put a piece of glass there. Yeah. And he shoves his. I'm like, yep, please do more of this in movies. Put that fucking glass there. It's easy. It's practical.

I'm like tired of the force fields that give you a little shock with a little laser, you know, coloring book effects that a lot of older films had. Bring back this. Bring back squibs, I say. And the one thing I miss, I do wish he had, like, done, he'd blown out against the glass and, like, his cheeks gone out so he could see his teeth and stuff. Just once. I just, I just want it once. Well, like a fucking monkey in the zoo? Yes, exactly. That precisely. He, basically, he goes, he goes in front of the whole kind of council of Eternals here. Charlotte Rampling's deal. She wants to kill him because she knows that he's dangerous. May is like, I want to study him for scientific reasons. And they're, like, probing his memory through psychic whatever. And this is where you see, like, a rape scene, where Andy's just like, I did it in Zardash's his name. And it's like, uh, and like, you hear, it's kind of this great thing.

There's this character, Friend, who comes in, who's really important. It's like Zardaz's best bud kind of a thing. And like, they're watching him, they're watching Connery kill all these people and all this stuff. And they're like, how could, what has Arthur been up to? Arthur this and Arthur, then friend is like, well, I don't know. You know, he's the, no one else wanted to run the outlands.

And, you know, he's an artist. It's kind of like, well, I liked it. You know what? I thought it was kind of cool. Shoot me. Just shoot me. Everyone thought that the movie they made about our life, which they also called Zardaz, was a piece of shit.

But you know what? I thought it was kind of cool. Yeah, there's weird stuff. You know, yeah, Steve, you mentioned the assault on the beach. He's like, I took a woman in his name, you know? And then I thought it was hilarious. They're like, where did this happen? And he goes,

the place where the sea meets the land and I was like the beach but the other thing there's a great thing he says you know um Zardas made us grow wheat and there is just like seeing here this flashback like these farmers you know of this like the uh the lowest cast here you know and they're all being like menaced by Connery and his guys and Connery just like there's one guy that's like who boy working sure working hard doing all this farming and Connery just casually shoots him in the face. It's so good because I think he slips up a little

bit. He didn't farm good enough for him. Played by John Borman himself by the way. Oh, really? Yes, that's that's his director's cameo and the blank got lodged in his skull or like lodged in his head for like a week or something and he had to get it out kind of a thing

which is insane. I mean Connery fucking aim it to the side a little bit. What the fuck? No, I'm a method actor. I'm always pointing real guns of directors. Now, John, I can take it out, but you're going to have to give me a portion of the medical budget.

You know, I was supposed to be in the crow, and I got fired the first day. Oh, man. You know why. And this whole forest farming thing, one thing that's, I guess, maybe because of how

bored and oblivious they are in the vortex, people are like, They are, like, shocked that they have agriculture in the brutal land, but, like, how else are you getting fed? At least the apathetics are being fed via this system. Well, the brutal, like, the exterminators, I don't even see, they don't have a house. They're just, they don't have tents. They're just, like, roaming the fucking countryside, whipping farmers. Connery is the only one that we know anything about.

Like, I don't think any of the other exterminator guys even get a. name at any point. It's kind of, I mean, they're wearing these Zardaz helmets, which aren't cool, but look really impractical, unless they're really well insulated on the inside. I mean, they look like football club merchandise. Like, shit you would buy at the game. It's brilliant, though, because I love the fact that

the face of the head is on both sides. So, like, if you just come across one of these guys from behind, you're like, oh, my God, he's looking at me. We are the mighty, mighty Zardazes. Zardazes rules. Zardos United has it Zardos United has it He's holding it

Goh! Zardos United! Go! They do a thing where they're trying to figure out what happened to Arthur because, like, Connery's not given up the ghost here. So they're able to, I guess, scan

like Arthur's last memory, and they're just like, Arthur Frain died, be like in the sack. Which is pretty cool. Yeah. And then we see him at the, he comes to life again at the very end of the film. Right. The rules.

Only to die again. But, you know, we're showing, this is a lot of, this is a lot of the planet of the ape stuff. This is all riding horses on the beach. Just like shooting people.

It's kind of cool. It kind of is. Yeah. I like seeing like the, the remnants of the old world. We see some like, I guess apartment buildings that are burnt out. Yeah.

totally did you guys notice in one of the the beach stampede here there's definitely two dudes that in real life get run over by a horse because there's like so there's some sort like one of these guys like one of these exterminators like shoots a dude and something happened with the horse and the horse tries to like run through two guys who are laying down and just definitely steps on both of them yeah i i kind of wish that i had gotten more like because as it is it's just horse crimes and horse adventures that have gone on before. And I have like, I just need to know if there's some system,

do they deliver it to the mouth? Do they deliver all the grain to the mouth at some point? No, they do at the beginning. Oh, right at the beginning. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And that's what,

that's how he sneaks in as he hides in the grain, yeah. Right. But yeah, so like it's a lot, he turns into friend, who's his character played by John Alderton, uh, is,

his like intern and he keeps like calling a monster, which kind of rules. Dude, this guy's performance is awesome. and I love him just talking at Connery because, like, yeah, when they decide that, you know, they're going to keep Zed, you know, for studying and everything, they keep, they keep saying things like,

as if it's like a friggin dog, you know, like, oh, can we keep it? Oh, we want to keep it. It's so entertaining, blah, blah, blah. So they're given three weeks. Zed is given three weeks to live while this woman May does all these experiments. So, yeah, he's just kind of sidled with this guy friend. And this dude's, like, having him, like, Connery, like, pull him in this cart. And he's like, no, monster.

you would say we ride around the grounds and I can insult people from this carriage and he's like throwing baguettes of bread everywhere at like random people and then they're most of them are the apathetic so they just stand there yeah totally just like whipping these people with baguettes

green baguettes dude because it's fucking the future our baguettes are green where every day is St. Patrick's Day and we just die random food Green. I mean, is that Hey, Zha-Dosh, what about a shamrock shake about it? Oh, man, I didn't get one this year.

I got some of corned beef for you. I mean, it is, it's green bread, potatoes, and watermelon. Oh, I miss the diet. There's watermelon? There's just a bunch of watermelon on the table. Nice.

I could live off of that if I had to. I had potatoes, big fave, bread. That's all. That's nice. watermelon delicious treat you would survive but you would never have a solid shit again in your life we we've that's that's that's presupposing that i have them now sure fair we witness like a trial of some dude that is like accused of giving bad vibes essentially this is hilarious this was some real like surveillance state shit they're like hey man you're on trial because you had like a negative thought or you gave like you gave like a what is

Does he say he was giving like constructive criticism about the society? And they're just like, uh-uh, constructive criticism, not appreciated. And the penalties, this part fascinated me. Like the penalties for these eternals are like, if you, whatever the infraction is, the punishment is like you are aged by a varying number of years depending upon the offense. Yeah. But you can't die. So like if you were some, if you were an eternal and you were like the bad boy or

something like that and you kept getting into trouble and you were just like the grandpa from texas chainsaw but you wouldn't die fuck that sucks yeah that's the renegades yeah the renegades yeah the renegades yeah that's what that turns into i mean which eventually we find out that like like half of these renegades who are in the senility home which was actually kind of cool because they all wear tuxedos in the senility home dude this whole like whatever this home is didn't it i mean i don't know if you guys ever been there didn't it look like tavern on the green a little bit? Never been. Oh, really? Oh, no. I'm a...

I guess I'm just a brutal. Oh, you've never been to tavern on the green. Andrew took his floating head and went there. I was hiding under a bunch of cat litter. That's how I got it in the restaurant. Did anybody catch what the guy's name is? No. George Satan.

Sick. It's good now. Oh, man. Spelled the same way. Yeah, I think so. They're like, ah, no, no, actually my name is George Simmons. Oh, no, George Satan is here to give his defense. But what I was getting at before was that, like,

half of these renegades are like the scientists that built the AI. Yes. That I guess they eventually, after two to three hundred years, started to get other ideas that weren't appreciated. And I guess short Rampleg is like the boss of everybody, is my guess. It's like, she's like the leader. We can talk about her. a little bit. I mean, and she's like pretty

stone cold most of this movie until she turns kind of a thing. Even when she turns, man. I don't, I mean, I've never seen a heartwarming Charlotte Rampling performance. Yeah. But yeah, this guy friend like takes him. This is where you get the cool. I loved all this like museum of world history shit where it's like it's like where they put the arc of the covenant or something like that or like Scrooge McDuck's basement. This is like statues and paintings. And this dude friend. is looking at slideshows of old

like jalopy cars all right it's also they got these disgusting wax figures with all the uniforms throughout history on them just thinking about like saving like oh the world is going down

well we have to evacuate what was that mother two so's what is that madam two so's yeah got to save this wax statue of Samuel L. Jackson, that looks nothing like him. Hey, Zardos, take a picture of me and Matt Damon. This one is supposed to be Nicholas Cage, whoever that is.

Oh, look at this, Zardars. John Travolta. Is this one of your gods in the old world? Oh, Zardas in the library, I found a big stack of premier magazines. long ancient texts um yeah so the the old people these nasty fuckers are all caged in one area

and they're like kind of going crazy this is like this is sort of like the big I mean as much as you can understand this movie these are all the teaching scenes here all the exposition it's like because friend is just taking him around all these places so you explain like the apathetic folks which I kind of don't know what the deal is there. These are people who are just over it,

but they're not like making infractions so they're not aging. Yeah, they're just so bored. They can't barely move anymore. That can tell me about it. Yeah, yeah, that's me right now. Like, honestly, I've, you know, I've been enjoying, like, video games or movies or whatever, but the last three days, I'm not even joking with you.

When I've found myself with some spare time, I've just been doing absolutely nothing. Just kind of standing here. some space staring dude have been there yeah yeah some deep dark thoughts just feel the air on your body for a couple hours exactly get to know those small little emotions again like the wind tickling your lip look and now for deep dark thoughts with jack handy's fucked up brother i mean if i was but if i was in this situation if i was so like i wouldn't me being bored would just be me cursing alone in a room like it wouldn't be like just hanging out and putting my head to a tilt. Well, here's something we find out, and Charlotte Ramplin lets us know because she's doing some, you know,

some of the research on Zed is coming in, and they find out that he can still get boners, which apparently is something that these guys cannot do anymore. And the idea is, I mean, this is where the movie is like a little bit, not a little bit, pretty reductive is like,

since men can't get erections anymore because procreation no longer happens, no sex at all is happening I'm like pardon me if anything wouldn't that amp up all the sex if you don't have to worry about knocking somebody up and even if you can't get it up dude you've got fingers you've got

holes everybody's got something to do chow town exactly hey zardas why didn't you ever think about going to chow town you should have taken that head and given some head Chow Town which is in Vortex 3 All the Chow district

Hey, Zardaz, I know that you guys are eternally so intelligent Ever heard of Eaton Ash? Don't need no slung For eating ass, Zardaz. In their defense, it's been like 300 years and you've done everything in the book a thousand times and it's just like

I guess I mean also like, you know, it's a limited pool of people. Yeah. If I fuck that guy 300 times, fuck that lady 600 times. And they're all, they're in the vortex. There's nothing. There's, there's, there's nothing that's in their way whatsoever in life. Yeah. So there's no thrill in literally anything. A young person might want to fuck again. It might be excited about fucking again. But these are the same fucking people all the time. So yeah, I get it. I got to tell you, this movie populated with a bunch of beautiful ladies and a bunch of fucking dog face dudes yeah it's a little uneven dude not a lot of i mean connery's the

snack here but you know i mean i think that's why he makes such waves when he comes to town oh yeah so we're talking about the boners and they give him like this boner test they're like let's show him pornography of various types well and this is fucking great this i feel like this is now correctly if i'm wrong with this analysis that he's it's like an act of defiance like no i want to get to a boner at that. And then when it's done, he looks at Consuela there and he's like, no,

I'll get a bono for you because defiance. Or you didn't go to the stepsister, J-O-I tab on the Tabernacle. Oh, my step-sisters. You know, we shouldn't do this. What if mom and dad

find out? Hey, Tabernacle. Make sure the private browsing tab is on, okay? Well, I guess mom and dad, they don't have to know, and we're not technically touching. Oh, wow, and now it's so crazy. Mom's joining in, too. All I have to do is call you step-sister and you,

stepmother, and we are good. So I'm jail-ying to my stepsister, and then my stepmother comes in and starts sucking my cock. And this is all very normal. What a wild Thanksgiving that was. And my stepfather pegs us all. Oh, oh, here comes some. Okay, Tabernacle, what have you got on Bart Simpson?

Hey, Tabernacle, what's the latest that Lois Griffin and Chris Griffin are getting up to? Wait a second, could you throw the dog into the mix? you're the man now dog fuck that lady her name is Lois Charlotte Rampling just trying to get to the bottom of boners

it is just the one I turn down this movie today I could have never guessed and there's that animation of like it's a flaccid penis and then it becomes a wrecked and I'm just chuckling because I'm only 38 years old

oh sure but he's given her a look like she now it's working yeah that's the they have like an infographic about penises getting hard yes it's like we have a problem getting from this the little coin purse thing here going

to a full banana well they're not even trying to get I mean like they're interested but then they're beyond they're even beyond sleep which also like oh you know ever since we've become super eternals we don't even sleep anymore we just go to meditation phase two like fuck that like I'm sorry fuck that I am sorry I am sorry

I am sleeping a lot. Like sleep became obsolete, you pretentious assholes. Too boring. Yeah. Well, they're listening to that computer too much. Tabernacle. Oh, yeah,

you got to limit it. You do, Eric, if you're trying to go to sleep, limit your tabernacle time right before bed. Exactly. You're going to have a hard time falling asleep. 300 years later, I still haven't gotten any shut up.

You want your glasses to have a tabernacle filter for your light because that's going to affect your eyes a little bit. Yeah. When you're trying to go to sleep the tabernacles, like, how about that insane tab on the porn? Don't you want to look at that insane tab one more time? And of course, because this is a fucking dude movie in the 1970s, like Connery is like mentally and physically superior to all of these eternal people.

Absolutely. And May is like, hey, man, I kind of know what's going on here. and you know what, I'm not going to blow up your spot about it. Yes, because this is what she reveals that she calls him a mutant because he's been bred and he could read and all the stuff she knows, but she's also like, he's just so hot, you know, kind of a thing. Yeah. So there's this wild scene where they're all kind of like having a nice sit-down lunch inside

and friend brings Zed to the meal and Connery's like serving people and they're like, hey friend you know in our like quote unquote utopian society that we all live forever and everything's perfect like we all take turns like cooking meals and shit and like looking at the chore chart

friend the chore chart says it is your day to service lunch and this dude is not your servant and the guy like kind of puts up a stink about it and they more or less like first consuela freaks out right Charlotte Rampling starts freaking out and they all use like psychic powers

to kill this guy or something? Hold on quickly. Before that happens, Sean Connery has my favorite line in the movie because they're having this real argument about whether or not it's right to make Z do this stuff and yeah, chore, chart this and that, and then Connery's sitting there awkwardly,

and I think it's just Sean Robbock, it's like, I don't know, potato. Like, is like, do you want potatoes or what? It's interesting because it kind of like blows up her, it makes her look silly, there because he's just like, I'm just trying to shove potatoes, Madam. Would you like me

to take my penis out again? Because she this whole time is trying to still make this argument of like he's just a freaking like ape person. Yeah, that's got to kill the other thing. And he's like, oh, more potatoes, madam. Yeah. See, he's like, he shows

his thinking mind there. And then they do that psychic ray on this dude or whatever this is. And I guess it ages him a certain amount. It's like a stroke. They label him a renegade, which means he's now going to be just an old guy someplace. And I think he's like rapidly turning into an old guy is what that is.

Like he turns into half, half old guy, half not old guy, I think. What's great about it, Thal, is because now that he's been designated an old guy is he's wearing a, he's, when we see him again, he's going to be wearing a tuxedo for the rest of the film. Yeah. All of the old people that are stuck in that fucking tavern on the green glass house are all dressed like they're at a fucking goddamn New Year's Eve party in the Shining or something. It's spooky. Oh, wonderful party

here in the Vortex. He does look like the Phantom of the Opera without the mask when we get back to him when he's in the fray. I got to be honest. He's looking a little bit like our friend who put out a great album last year, Paul McCartney, just a touch. You're right on the money, dude. I got to say, oh man, maybe

I wrote it somewhere in my notes when we get to like his reveal. Ah, fuck, because he looked like someone else and it was killing me. Maybe I'll remember it. But yeah, they keep yelling renegade. So I guess this dude's whole deal is like, not only does he age, but now he's just got to be out on a motorcycle just riding around in the desert helping people. Solving mysteries.

Is that like just like super annoyance? Like you just people, you just badger people until they turn into senile. Well, I mean, there's the weird thing, the weird thing, okay, Andrew. You know, one of the weird things, they never really

get into it. I guess it's just you assume like because they're eternals and they're like quote unquote like higher beings or whatever but this whole psychic power ability thing here is a little too vague for my taste a lot yes a lot of little details are very that's strange that they do the macarena to vote on the guy's death yes yeah that was a weird thing the macarena they do like a little dance like it's a little weird dance just yes yes yeah no everyone has a specific uh like facial or or hand gesture that signifies their vote it's very weird and there's probably probably the worst thing in the movie to be there's also a part where friend earlier on is like talking to the apathetics but he's talking

backwards and I'm like oh what's that about yeah yeah it's another thing that's just never you know not only is it never explained it's also never really used again I think like one other time it comes up oh we forgot to mention that when when Sean Connery meets the apathetics he starts groping a woman and this dude's like well go ahead you know what And it turns out she's an apathetic, so she's not moving. And thankfully, John Connery backs off of that. But even the grab was a lot. Dude, I was kind of peeking between my fingers.

Like, what are we going to do here, movie? And instead, what winds up happening, not immediately there, but like he gets up, he yells something at friend. And then, like, he just totally throws this woman. Yeah. Like, really chucks this person onto a, like, big old. pile of hay yeah

but yeah so then you know on friends like additional tour of everything here like Connery goes oh he does investigate the invisible shield really quickly we talked about that but he goes to like the the old the renegade old folks home and there's friend sort of half turned

but like there's a part where friend is like you know oh hey because he's like I guess mad at Zed or something and he's like hey all those old people guess who can die It's that guy. And all of a sudden it turns into this, like, weird old people zombie movie where they're, like, chasing them around this room.

This is real life, by the way. Yeah, it was freaking me out, dude. Since I moved outside of New York City, this is literally my daily experience. You know what this is? You know what this fucking scene reminded me of? I was getting flashbacks to, like, a, like, Friday morning, like, film forum matinee. Absolutely. So all these old fuckers just screaming at you, trying to grab at you and whatnot.

which I would just like I that's going to be my first experience after the second dose sets in and we get into like mid May or June I desperately want to go back I can't wait to sit next to an old fuck with an egg salad sandwich I cannot wait for it no yeah I mean if these guys were just screaming about which theater the Melville retrospective is in I would be right at home oh oh excellent you're using a two week old copy of AM New York as a plate for that egg sandwich perfect but yeah so like that's kind of all going on and like he's now we now know that he's like and i think friend is kind of now like revealed himself to be his ally or at least uh Arthur's ally and like it's like we're all we all did this for you kind of anything like the plot is kind of coming into focus wherein Connery will usurp this whole system kind of a thing yeah and this is also where they give the backstory of like him reading the books or everything. And this is like it was actually, I

the twist, yeah. I was it's dumb, but I was fine with it. Uh, you know, because this woman May is peeling you know, more layers out of his memory trying to figure out what's going on. She's like, you know, um,

tell me more about your past and everything. And this is like each season, you know, uh, the Zardas head flew down and we took the wheat, uh, and put it in there and he gave us the guns and all that stuff. And then he's talking about, like, you know, going into this building, chasing after somebody. It turns out there's a bunch of books in this one room and one is given to him. And it's the Wizard of Oz or whatever the actual, the first Frank Baum book is.

It's a baby book. I mean, it's like cloudy with the chance of meatballs. No, no, no. It's the Frank Albam. Not the first book he gets, but like after a while. No, he gets. No, I'm saying. I'm saying I think it's the first.

Frank Baum, Oz book, because he wrote multiple books. But he looks at the way his hand is on the cover and the Wizard of Oz, Zard Oz, is what happens there. This is Zardos, author Frey giving him his like foul the white rabbit. Right, yes. Right, right, right. And this was going to be, I'm going to do a similar movie where it's Ait Clue, which is Fight Club, which is the book that he finds. Ah, yes, my, the god that I worship. Oh, be itch. So I just have to shoot myself in the head. There's no Zard.

You know, Zardas, you met me in a very weird time in my life. You know, in the book of choke, they say that you could find, you know, a new plane of existence if you cut off your windpipe while fucking. yes and of course who could forget that short story about the kid in the pool with the butt being sucked out wasn't that one of his probably

might be my mind take that credit card companies that haven't existed for 200 years oh man and then when he realizes what's going on when he realizes right like Zardaz is a fake thing it's exactly pulling the curtain back on the wizard himself

right there I was this was again in my top five chuckles watching this movie Sean Connery freaking out at these bookshelves yes oh my god he's throwing the books all over the floor he's fucking going ape shit he's knocking these shelves down oh man it's like it's like citizen can't when when Orson Wells is beating

the shit out of that room yes yes kind of similar vibes it's good it's cool though right like because he's been worshipping this thing and now he realizes that it's all horses shit you know there's themes there there's definitely is and so all this is going on

while May has him like under they're like under a sheet together you know and they start kind of like getting it on at this point and then this is where Charlotte Rampling comes in and she's like oh my goodness May you're laying with that creature well that's just beastiality

I'm just I'm the stepbeast it's okay that makes it okay You don't understand it makes it okay. No, no, no. So, I'm fucking, no, I'm jerking off at my step sister. My stepmother comes in.

Shucks me off. Stepfather comes in and pegs us all, of course. And then step dog. Step dog? And then I have to, do you think I have to do a step cousin? Let's say step cousin, too. Yeah, I have to have a step cousin, too, just kissing my back. And then, of course, my son.

step co-worker and my step boss come in. You got to watch out for that step boss, dude. They step on my nudge. Oh, yes. Hey, Tabernacle. Do you have the film Zoo by any chance?

Oh, it comes with an intro from Chris Cabin. Great. We all worship at the big giant head of Chris Cabin. Zoo prophet. a bunch of horse dicks come out of his mouth.

It's just zoo and war horse. And a five minute clip of sea biscuit because that movie sucked ass. There's very much more matrixy shit going on because of course after that analysis, May is like, oh, by the way, Sean Connery, you're the one. Yeah.

You know, you're the liberator, your death itself. and we get a little bit of the back story here about all these fucking rich, powerful white motherfuckers banning together to ignore people suffering, you know, and preserving their utopia, considering themselves the custodians of the future.

These fucking people, man. The last spit on all of them. The last of them known as Morpheus. And it's cool. I mean, you know, it is making a statement about, you know, people who put themselves above people, et cetera, et cetera. any one thing I noticed here

anyone else see all these women with Princess Leia ear hairdoes by the way Rambling herself has one a little bit Three years before man Three years before Oh hey Just putting it out there

I saw a really fucking cool movie Called Zardas It stars James Bond And a bunch of ladies with a pretty cool hairstyle Just saying Put that in the old notebook hey notebook you should have taken more man

Darth Vader should have flown around and have giant head oh yes only fucking hell right that would be pretty good add this to the fifth stolen ideas notebook here we go wow those are really piling up huh turns out if you scramble them all together people think you're a genius look at this old little corasawa right there Oh, Kurosawa. That was a whole notebook I stole from him. Oh, just take out all the Japanese actors and put in fucking white people.

At this, I made it in English. You take out the soul of it and it works. They like freak out at him in this moment, I guess, because of the fucking here. He lays with that woman May. And all of a sudden, he's inside one of the, grow house bubbles and they're all just beaten the shit out of it. Oh, then he used this super man strength

to rip through this plastic and it was like, you ripped through the cellophane. And that, that, my friends, is another thing where it's like hell, if you don't have the money for it, don't do it. Because it's clearly just fucking saran wrap. It was supposed to be unbreakable.

It was supposed to be unbreakable. How did he do that? It was supposed to be unbreakable. What did he tear through it with really long nails? How could he? But you know what? That's a thing too, though. But I think I said this earlier, like, in some other episode about, like, you don't, that's all I need, kind of. Like, I don't need someone to be jacked out of their goddamn mind to be a hulking beast. You just tell me something's unbreakable. Then he breaks.

Like, wow, that guy's pretty fucking strong. It's just the fact that it's that weak plastic. It is. It is. It's not great. If they put him in, like, a mission impossible glass box. Yes. And he just punched through it.

It'd be like, I mean, obviously that now is a little more expensive. And there's a stunt person involved. but it would be fucking cool. Or how about this? It's just a cage and he bends the bars with his arms. There you go. Yeah.

What I mean? Well, I'll tell you what, there, John. How about if I go into a glass box and break it and you give me all the stunt money? How about this? I go under a glass table and my steps alone takes a shit on it. You sure we should be doing this? I mean, we're family.

You know what I'm saying? Well, we're only step, so it's not too bad. Oh, well, if that's the case. Give me those logs, mister. Oh, my God, damn it. I'm going to throw up. I don't know. They're steaming.

They're steaming. You can see that condensation. The infiltration of step pornography into regular pornography has been bothering me for quite some time. That's what this bit is, FYI. Yep. Yes. Oh, you don't, so you don't like it. Oh, no, I do not like it. Put me down for a do not like it.

You just want to make sure that the listeners at home know you don't like it. Yeah, that I do not like. Underline it, yeah. Do not. Not even the step dog? Especially the step dog. It's kind of hilarious. There's some, I think it was a vine going around where this girl was singing about her step dog, which is that.

Vine? Is it fucking 10 years ago? I'm in a TikTok. TikTok. I'm your grandfather, Apollo. what was happening on this it's a song where she's like I got a step dog

and it was just like her mom's dog her mom's no no no I don't know what you're watching you're saying you don't like the step stuff it's a cute song about a step dog and I shouldn't have brought it up in this vile conversation

Only fans bought TikTok Yeah I was going to say you can't put pornography on TikTok right No I don't believe so No sir uh he he's like kind of running away from these folks he finds himself smack dab in the middle of an apathetics makeout party this is a weird see they're all like they're like stealing part of his life force or just like you know feeling his vibe or whatever it wakes them up like his right virility yeah his his his his his his his his natural male virility yeah all you apathetics yeah you want to you want a bit of life juice why don't you go ahead and lick these armpits well it is a thing It is quite something to have an orgy in the middle of a chase scene. I've never seen that done quite that way before.

It's the future, baby. You can tell that he's like, oh, I don't know about this apathetics. I'm kind of on the run, right? Oh, well, okay. Well, this is the first time I've gotten hard since a bunch of people staring at me. Well, the pictures of cars were going by. And so, you know, friend, you know, this is like where they really explain, like, listen we want to take this all down we because we want to die we're just over this whole thing and may

is like all right so here's the deal sean connery inseminate us all and i'll tell you everything i know and then this other woman goes that's right said we'll touch teach you yes and and this is kind of like the when you had to catch captain america back up on what everything happened over the last 70 years It's kind of that, but it's like, instead of him looking at a television screen, they're all like projected images onto people. It's actually very, it was reminding me very much of like bond opening. Yes, yeah. Funny enough.

But yeah, so he's like learning by them like projecting world history onto bodies, I guess. Yeah, he's just kind of learning everything really quickly. And, you know, it is kind of cool the way Borman does it where it starts to spin and it is disorienting. it kind of turns into a cyclone and then he's like, well, now I'm a fucking genius. We also did like a quick flashback of like the creation

of it all and how the vortex is populated by the rich and shit. Right. Yeah. I'm sorry, did I miss something? Are aliens involved because it seemed like there was a line where it's like otherworldly, but maybe I'm an asshole. Here's what it is. I was just going to

bring that up because this is in the same part because he's like Connery says something about like well this appears to be technology from another world or like something like that and friend is like oh yeah we went to space and he's like and he goes

we found nothing and came back it is the funniest like yeah we went to space it was all right it was another dead end which is actually kind of interesting to think about of like a group of people trying to live forever And, like, yes, we went in our 300-year lifespan, we went to the far reaches of outer space,

and there was still nothing. So we came back, and it makes it even more, like, nihilistic. Totally. There's nowhere to go, right? Yes, Beast, the first wave of rich people, they all wanted to live on the moon for some reason, and they all died. The minute they stepped off of the ship,

they all died because they're living on the moon and they're idiots. They wanted to go live on Mars, hundreds of years ago with a total fucking moron named Elon Musk they all died immediately this is where he goes to that fucking room of wax sculptures

Oh yeah the quick shot of like the people outside the vortex like the regular people from a more of a I guess 20th century or 21st century vibe watching this happen kind of a cool little class argument here

but uh yeah absolutely yep yeah it is and they're like come on they all kind of have just like come on oh don't don't pick up your ball and leave and by that i mean so shitty out here well that's you know that's that's that's a thing is that you you sold these people on trickled down economics for long enough and then you fucking then you fucking pull the plug baby every rich person's dream absolutely um this this whole wax sculpture seen totally freaks me out because in there is neighborhood weirdo Arthur Frane pretending to be

one of these motherfuckers and he like touches him I would have shit my red diaper around here is like the idea is I think May gives it to him is like you have to go inside the tabernacle to take it down and he's like well where the fuck is the

tabernacle and she's like I don't know look at this crystal maybe once you can see into the crystal you'll be able to go into the tabernacle okay now are you're I'm absolutely sure this doesn't have anything to do with aliens. Because this really seems like an alien. I have to go inside a diamond you're telling me.

This reeks of alien technology. I better not go in there and see some type of weird little annihilation guy that's just mirroring my movements. Well, actually, the movie Lifeforce was based on what happened to London right before all of this. So, yes, actually, it was aliens. I'm sorry. Yes, in all your touch teaching, I've been, I've watched a lot of science fiction films,

and this really smacks of aliens. You're speaking of touch teaching. I've done that to a number of step-related pornos. So you've got me in there, and you've got me looking at a bunch of mirrors at myself. Are you sure this isn't that Orson-Wells thing? Dude, yeah. Oh, what a lady from Shanghai, right?

I totally thought of that at this whole part. So he gets inside this thing eventually, right? He is yelling Tabernacle. He is talking to this. He's like, Tabernacle, where are you? And the tabernacle's like, not permitted. I don't know. There's also like faces of everyone, I guess of the Eternals and stuff.

It looks like a bad, like video art display. Yeah, totally. Here, tabernacle, here, this isn't working. Oh, I've got it. Here, step tabernacle. Here, step tabernacle. Our parents have left for the day, step tabernacle. Oh, no.

You have, I am far too aroused to resist you, step tabernacle. Actually, even though we grew up together, we're not blood. I can't even keep it straight. I love the premise of him. Jerking off to step stuff. Step stuff. The only way he could shoot, man. I was biologically engineered to only shoot to step stories.

My favorite subreddit is step stories. Zodos and all of his great mystery and wonder bred me and my father and my father's father. Only like the step stuff. There is one part where I was just laughing because I was like, this tabernacle is at times nothing more than an external hard drive because there's a part where he's like, hey, Tabernacle, what do you got going on in there? And the thing just goes, infinite storage space. Oh, I've got a bad gateway for era 404. Tabernacle, your home page is broken. but yeah

this is and it's also very what do you want to call it there a little bit of Last Jedi here got a little bit with that infinite mirror situation oh totally yeah there is a great tabernacle line here where uh

because like Connery like slides into this crystal or whatever and it just goes you have penetrated me yes and he's oh thank you Dave you've penetrated me oh speaking of which right Chris you texted the earlier today

that the DP of 2001. Oh yeah. And previous, we love movies episode Superman the motion picture. That's why it looks so great. Jeffrey Unsworth, ladies and gentlemen.

But what was the shit I was reading now about what was going on with how this was shot was like he was constantly using like fucking smoke machines and like soft focus and putting like frost lenses in front of the

or like frost filters in front of the lens and then like when they developed it it was like, well you can't fucking see anything here. Well, apparently. apparently the first print of the first pressing of prints for the movie you if you saw it on like the big screen it did have this really weird look to it i don't know what that was but they said it only worked on the first pressing after like some there was some degrading afterwards and it just looked worse i guess it was trying to make it like otherworldly which could have been cool yeah i would have really i mean if there i don't think there are i mean maybe there are still first pressings of this movie on like available to like fucking somewhere but I don't know I looked up that they apparently there was a Blu-ray release in 2015 and now it's like going for $200 on eBay yeah man I really hate when those fucking pigs do that it is a goddamn DVD you creeps what the

fuck are you doing also like $200 for a Zardaz Blu-ray if there's an HD scan somewhere put it out because what we all saw I assume because what I saw it looked like, look like shit. It was standard. I rented it on iTunes. It was SD trash. Yeah, it was similar. Very grainy on Amazon for me. I do, yeah, I would love a 4K something or other. Like, let's do it. Let's

Zardize it up. Yeah, because, and this part's really trippy. Like, he is going, he keeps like, like, and before it gets to the super infinite mirror stuff, it's like him going in this weird fun house and he keeps going the wrong way and like pressing up against glass. It takes a little too long, but it is effective in sort of like

disorienting kind of a situation. I mean, you can't, like, end a movie like this very normal. Like, you can't try a normal narrative, like, tighten it at the end of this. So you kind of have to go explosive like this. Well, because the train can't just go off the rails. It's got to go off the rails while it's crossing a fucking high up bridge and fall into a river. Precisely. Like a fucking Buster Keaton movie, you know what I mean?

I like, he's just getting yelled at in this fun house. It's hilarious. And then he shoots, he's like just firing wildly, shoots a mirror. and this was a cool effect because he like shoots himself and what they do is like they film connery falling down like he falls to his knees you can see the bullet hole and he falls out of the frame but there's a piece of glass and you see the bullet hole in it and did you did you catch this blood was coming out of the bullet hole yeah it's cool nice fact like blood just coming out of this mirror it was fucking awesome and that's basically he is defeated best of the tabernacle and destroyed it and now he's like now he's basically beaten god and shawks Rampling who's been going up and down the fucking the vortex looking hither and thither for him finally finds him and she's like, you know, I'd like to fuck

you instead. He's like, I fucking told you. See, look, you're never got the visage of my hard willy out of their eyes, did you? Because she says, he says something like, oh yes, once you'll chase

something long enough, you'll want to become it and also want to fuck it. Also, what if my dad married your mom is all i'm saying i think and your mom was lois griffin i i don't know step consuela sounds pretty good to me yeah i guess they were trying to go for something where it's like she has become an exterminator trying to kill him so yeah she then realizes that and stands down well consuela i've put a couple little treats in my chest hair You're going to have to get them out with your teeth.

Face first, consulate. Oh, use your stepteeth. Put in those dentures that is not related to me. She also is like, oh, you know, that guy we're looking for? He's not here. Let's all leave. But everyone starts going apeshit. And this is when Sean Connery, and this is like really trippy.

He just goes to everyone, like friend in May. He's like, get behind me. stay within my aura and I'm like, what? And he started traveling through time and I'm like, wow, is this is a movie. Because like the apathetics or something got so rowdy. They started trashing the halls of history. And then Sean Connery just reverses time like that. I mean, this is very matrix.

He's got the power in it. Yes. Totally. And, you know, I will always be appreciative of running film backwards. You know what I mean? And it's just like, and they do it to great effect, right? Because you see all the backwards footage. And then they cut to close-ups on Connery leading all these people out.

And it's just forward footage. Like, it's practical and it works, man. It's cool. It just is cool. You know, it's reminded me a lot of weird, like, avant-garde shit from like, you know, the 40s. You know, it had a big, like, Maya Daron vibe to me, like, at parts, you know. Messrs of the afternoon. Yeah. good thing that she was my step,

my addition. Oh, man. Yeah, I loved it. And so they go back to like the old folks home and the guy who's like the head scientist that invented the vortex idea, who also just looks like RIP Mr. Wilhelm from Seinfeld. They're like, hey man,

so the vortex is kind of destroyed, right? And here's Sean Connery. He's kind of like the hero, and the guy's just like, oh, perfect. And just like dies immediately. Like, you can do it now, old man, you can die. He took this whole thing down. One thing, do you promise to fuck everybody? Did I may die?

And then there's this other lady who kind of looked a little bit like Milo Jovovich of the fifth element at parts. Who's just like, oh, thank you so much that now you'll keep your promise right and shoot me in the fucking heart. He's like, Right. You know, I kind of grew out of that whole thing. I've now read two million books, and I think I don't like that idea quite so much.

I now think penis good, gun bad, actually. And, but, and like he's about, you know, he's showing his change. He puts his gun down,

but, uh-oh, this lady gets lit up anyway, because the exterminator's, have breached the vortex, and now everyone's getting shot. It is crazy. Everyone's just being nailed with these bullets. And people are like, thank you. Oh, it's so great.

Just like being so stoked, like so stoked to be murdered. Like, ooh, do me next. This is where we see Zardos again, Arthur Frey. And he's just like, oh, what did I miss? And he gets shot in the head. Yes. Well, it's like him and him and friend are like, we did everything. where you know like kind of I think

Zardaz is like oh you know I genetically engineered you and then Zed is like well in a way I genetically engineered you two fuck face or talk to you later it is kind of great like everyone's getting shot

I kind of feel like if I was an immortal and I was just given the gift of mortality after being really bored with immortality I kind of want to take that for a spin for a little while like what's aging like as opposed to getting shot in the head immediately. Right. Yeah. And some of them do

make that decision, right? Like May Rides off. Leaves, gets out of there with a couple of folks. And I believe they're all pregnant with fucking Zed's progeny. Yikes. I'm going to repopulate the earth. Good thing it's a stepper. Ah, yes, this sexy

step planet. I always wanted to be like Angus Khan and have a bunch of my step sons and stepdaughters. Populating the earth. There's this part when they're going away. All of these people are all on horseback. And like Connery's like kind of giving them high fives.

Like they like it's the end of a basketball game. I was just going to say that. Oh my God. Oh yeah. We did it. Oh yeah. Give me five. Good game.

Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. You fought hard. You fought hard. You fought hard. You fought hard.

Someone spit in the hand back there. I can't believe that. Good luck out there. And the only place that we can end this movie. is inside of a wrecked, awesome giant head. Yep. Him and rambling fuck, which is important. And she gets very, a little too quick for my taste, that sex scene.

Well, what's fucking disturbing is the fucking fake baby belly shit that they get for the pregnancy. Yeah, because it cuts from one to the other almost immediately where you don't know where one ends and one begins. Obviously, we're doing some trippy shit there, but it's like, whoa, it was up. Yeah, species pregnancy. I don't like it. Well, because it's the way they do it too, right? He kind of moves in closer to her and you're like, oh, they're going to be getting it on and whatnot. And then it cuts and you hear her screaming Zed and you're like, oh, due to the fucking.

And then when it like sort of cuts back, yeah, she's just got this insanely fake baby belly and she's screaming his name and you're like, oh, okay, this is like a time passing where we're wrapping it up here at the end of fucking six feet under kind of shit. And she's soaking wet and you're supposed to believe it's sweat. but my god it looks gross like it looks like a film i'm sorry it's viscous dude it's very viscous and then this is the cool shot at the end right where they're dressed in these green suits and they just we're going to the sears portrait studio to get a fucking family photo every year yeah you see that you see the kid uh grow up before your eyes in this fast motion where you know they swap out other actors until like the kid is i guess 19 or 18 or something And then he disappears, and then the two of them stay together and become grampified before our eyes.

And turn to Skellington. Oh, hello, Zardars. You never thought you'd have to contend with the Skeleton League. Oh, hello. Yes. Actually, we are from the Skeleton League retirement home. We've actually been here for quite some time. We cannot wield swords anymore.

They break our bones. And now Zadaz, we travel around in a giant skeleton. you thought death was the answer but you can't escape being a skeleton so now you're all skeletons and you live forever in the skeleton league that would be a rad way to end this movie did anyone read the trivia so

basically it's Charlotte Rampling and Connery have to do this thing where they have to get into super old age makeup before they swapped about with hilarious skeletons and they do it once and like both of them are like this is really onerous and the uh for some reason it doesn't come together well and warman's like all right we got to do it again they're both kind of annoyed

and when they do it some PA opens the camera and exposes the film that person that person never worked in film that person was nearly murdered by Sean Connery literally like he was choking this dude and had to be pulled apart by two people and they had to do it a third time I mean it's apocryful but that's that's the story that I read today. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, shit. I thought you were going to talk about the other Charlotte Rapling story where she reportedly was so excited to fake fuck Sean Connery and was pissed

off because it was so brief. Like, I was pissed off too. I just said it. But like, during it, like, if you were there, I mean, you get to like feel him at least. Yeah, that's nice. I mean, that's nice. Or also, I don't know, dude, you're Charlotte Rampling. Be like, yo, dude, do you want to go fuck? Yeah, you could do that. The answer is usually yes. I was watching this documentary about Sean Connery, like, years ago. And there was this lady on there. And, like, to punctuate every accomplishment he had, she was like, because he was beautiful. Oh, that's weird.

Like, she's like, you know, he was a male bodybuilder. He was a movie star. Okay. And then he tried to, you know, star out for Hollywood. And of course, he got into Hollywood because he's beautiful. well thanks for this fucking ace testimonial for this DVD extra

or whatever the fuck you were making very wonderful but it is it's very 2001 kind of an ending but it's a cool one I love just the sort of like watching them

actually they turned to skeletons they turned to dust and all that's left are these handprints in the back which is kind of like this awesome that's all you leave dude just little handprints on a fucking cave okay Charlotte rambling

we're really aging up here and I don't know how much longer we'll be flying around in this huge head and whatnot. So where should I park it? Or should we just die and let it crash into the ocean? I swear to God, if that fucking

PA touches that camera and get, I'll kill him. He'll be the skeleton. Yeah, you'll be the fucking skeleton, boy. What do you think about that? He's definitely murdered someone. Oh, for sure that piece of shit oh man so that is fucking czar does man um recommendations and final

thoughts steve shadak we'll start with you pretty strong recommend for me uh i would definitely say yeah well the wait till after the evening you've had dinner you've had a drink or you're just kind of getting into a relax mode it's a cool midnight movie i i was i mean like it's not again like there's a lot there's a lot of problematic elements there's a lot of stuff to pick apart but it's a really ambitious and interesting movie nonetheless and I do think it's one of the more interesting Connery performances that I've ever seen so it's a pretty full-throat and recommend

for me. Totally. Chris Cam? Oh yeah, big time recommend. I you know, it's not my favorite Borman, but like almost all Bormons are interesting. I've only seen one that's really bad. It was from 1990 and it's like him doing a

kid's movie and it is not atrocious. Yeah, I never saw the late stuff. is it called squeal like a pig but it's just about like barnyard friends and whatnot it is not although i have heard that he did do a short called that uh no uh yeah a movie i like quite a bit uh i say also yes wait until the after hours Eric yeah it's a big recommend from me as well I really like some some of the John Borman stuff I've seen obviously I haven't seen everything I haven't seen that movie that Chris was referencing but like Excalibur is fantastic and this movie I feel like it was almost it's like a masterpiece was on

the bullseye and then he shot the arrow and it shot a guy in the leg next to the fuck the bull's but it is all it's still it's it's still almost there it's got a lot going for it it's it's visually striking um so yeah it's a recommend for me too and i think oh one thing i i didn't ask at the top we usually do this but um who had anybody seen this before or was it first times for everybody for the show it was my first time because i always kind of avoided it because a lot of i guess like podcast and stuff when we were starting out covered it and i'm just like okay whatever and i'll get to it when i get to it and I should have seen it earlier

to be honest with you. Similarly and I was expecting a much sillier movie I mean there's silliness here obviously the costumes have been much even though I think the costume again is striking but yeah I was expecting it to be like goofy you know what I mean and it's definitely not that. It was my first time last night

I had seen it once before but yet the thing everybody knows about it is the fucking suit there's the picture of Connery with two guns and the thing and that's what everybody knew about it. It's like a meme. That's why Yes, definitely. And I mean, this was, this whole experience was really fascinating to me

because I realized, like, myself included, you know, because I made, you know, at the end of our, you only live twice episode, you know, I made a fucking joke about the diaper and everything. And, like, what's interesting is I feel like this movie is a really great case for, like, the, like, the film watching Zite community, I want to say Zykeyes, but like the film-going world, right, that is aware of this movie is just aware of it from, like, the Zite, like, the film- like the memes and the ridiculous costume and like they haven't actually seen it because I feel like if more people had seen this movie it wouldn't be like we get this requested a lot right

this is one that comes up and I feel like if more people had seen it maybe it wouldn't have the rep that it has I mean you talk about like I was reading um maybe it's on the Wikipedia page you can find this out like a Borman a lot of it is pulled from Borman doing like a DVD commentary but he was saying like the the reaction was so bad at the time that people were literally leaving the movie theater and telling other people that were online to not go see the movie. That's what the fucking reaction was. It was like negative. The critical reaction too. Like most of the reviews were negative. Yeah, I'm glad we're all recommending it because it's like, yeah, it's silly. And I think the analogy about like accidentally

shooting someone in the leg instead of the masterpiece bullseye is right on. But like I appreciated the ambition. I, you know, I appreciate like low level sci-fi. But like the ambition. But like the ambition and the low level like kind of were like ships in the night and it just it doesn't function the way he wanted it to but like you should check it out man I have to say do not pay those criminals

$200 for a blue ray but you know stream it on on Amazon for three bucks or whatever you know you got uh you could do worse that's right you could do work it's definitely worth your time you know definitely with a little bit of what just got legalized in New York

absolutely do that's why like one of these days I am in for a Zardaz rewatch and I will do it the right way. But that is Zardaz, everybody, from 1974, directed by John Borman. I got to see more of his movies. If you want more of us here at We Hate Movies, check out patreon.com slash we hate movies.

There's an episode of We Love Movies coming out this week that we're talking about Goldfinger, keeping in line with Sean Gone Month. We got a Gleap glossary that's already out on... What was that person? Reis, who you might remember, or don't remember actually from the background of Jabba's

sail barge. He's like the goat-faced fucker. He's got three eyes. He's got goat-face and he gets fucked in the face, but it's from his stepbrother, so it's cool. It's a step-hut. We've also got the Mighty Ducks cartoon

coming out pretty soon on animation damnation. That's a funky episode. We've also got Melro 210 coming at you. And stocked by my doctor the once in a lifetime inaugural episode coming this month

super excited to do that. Yes, yes. So a lot of stuff going on on the old Patreon, patreon.com slash we hate movies. But as always, on this main feed, the WHM Prime feed, as we call it, Steve Sadek, the show rolls on next Tuesday. Sean Gone Month continues.

God, we're so disrespectful to the dead at all times. What are we talking about, Steve? What's the next Sean Gone? Well, there could only be one, you understand. It's Highlander time, everybody. Get your punch cards ready. Exactly. Now, of course, this should have been a W-L-M,

but, you know, sometimes stuff happens. Well, we should acknowledge it's going to be an Eric's solo episode. It's four hours long. We've already recorded it. That's right. Boy, if you thought Zardos's Arthur Frey's talking head at the start with something of this movie, get ready for that episode. I'm stoked to rewatch this dude. It's been a dog's agent. I got to tell you, I am ready for some Clancy Browns.

Christopher Lambert, which we should maybe get more into. I've been watched. I've watched some of his other movies. They're bad. I guess we should do them, but they're a little boring. But man, Christopher Lambert is a presence despite everything that's going on with him. Eric, seek out a movie called Night Moves. Oh, I have that on VHS. Yeah, oh, dude. The Gene Hackman movie? No, no. It's a K. It's a chess. It's a chess thriller. Wow. He's like a chess master and there's assassins after him.

Oh, my God. No. I watched him. No kidding. I think he's got another assassin movie called like Resurrection or something that I saw that wasn't good. But then also he had this movie called Gideon where Christopher Lambert is like, I'm an angel visiting the old folks home. Oh, no. It's got a, I think it's got a deep cast.

but it's, it's, it's boring and bad. See, I mean, so if, because I'm very Lambert ignorant, so like, if we can find the ones that are bad and entertaining, let's do a Lambert month, but I ain't talking about no angel in an old book, so I'll tell you that much. I don't know. You just said it was boring.

It is, but we're not. Oh, that's true. Oh, man, so until next week with Highlander, where we definitely will not be boring. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Eric Sisko. Chris Cabin.

Take it easy, Zados. That was a hit gum podcast.