We Hate Movies - S11: Episode 544 - The Avengers (1998)

Episode Date: April 27, 2021

On this week's episode, our unofficial Sean-Gone month comes to an end with a discussion about the totally baffling shit-show, 1998's The Avengers! How on Earth did Warner Brothers allow this to be released as-is? Have two lead actors ever had less chemistry than Uma and Ralph? And what is the value of not having Eddie Izzard speak for the whole film? PLUS: If Jim Broadbent appeared in a snuff film... better movie? The Avengers stars Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman, Sean Connery, Jim Broadbent, Fiona Shaw, and Eddie Izzard; directed by Jeremiah Chechik. Check out WHM at FRQNCY in June! Catch WHM on tour this fall, hopefully! WHM Merch Store Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

this week on the program no not that shitty Avengers the shitty Avengers the shitty one from the 90s it's the Avengers I'm Andrew Jupin Stephen Shadak Eric Shonska tip tip Chris Cabin and we hate movies Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning into the fine program. As always, that's right. This is another one that I feel like has been, you know, on the docket here and there, requested a lot, finally getting to it. It's the Avengers. from 1998, directed sort of by Jeremiah Chechick. Wow, this is one for the ages. You know, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna come at you right off the top of the top here. I can't, I can't stand by and call the other Avengers movie shitty now.

Come on, guys. You're right. It's worse than that. Crappy. How about crappie? That's a good one. A crappy one. Everybody.

You know what's funny is I never, even when I saw it in the theaters, and I noped right out of MCU there. I've been liking some of the output since then, but I was never on the Avengers train. I mean, I'll tell you this, Steve, if you got yourself four movies called the Avengers and three of them fucking suck, that's a shitty Avengers. Sure. That's my Avengers math about. That's fair. The first one is really fun. It's, it is a you catch that sucker on FX and it's always on FX. You'll watch 48 minutes of that movie and be like, this is kind of cool. Oh, it's a dinner time? Great, turn it off.

I'm sure other people will. I'm sure they will. Oh, come on. 48 minutes? 48 minutes of that piece of shit. I honestly don't know that I would do that, Steve, to be totally up front with you. I'd full on like that movie, but you know, that's all we're talking about. We're talking about the actual shitty Avengers.

Yes, the shittier Avengers. The thing we loved doing in the 90s especially, bringing back, bringing out film versions of television shows that no one gave a fuck about. that something would stick to the wall because Mission Impossible was a success. Let me, let me stop the tweets. People in jolly old London town probably like, you know, loved the television property and it's okay to like that. Fine. I, oh, you go. I have no idea.

I mean, my extent of knowing about the source material is that they're on the cover of, I think, the first television personalities record, which is awesome. but like yeah that's about my extent of knowledge of this piece of shit I guess the franchise in general you mean right yeah I watched an episode of it before in while watching

this because I was like well nothing's here and even that it's just it's like drinking like pond water you're just like oh stop this across the pond water that was 1960s TV show yeah yeah I mean I but I fell for some of those

TV movie remake bullshit. I remember being like first in line for the Mod Squad and I have no idea why. I have no idea why. Me too. That's insane. I was so fucking jack to see that movie in the theaters. And I

could not tell you why. I've never seen a second of that television show. I barely knew what it was. Like I knew that it was a show and like you kind of would get it here and there on like a Nick at Night situation or like a TV land, whatever it was at the time that movie came out. But like like I had no business

being excited about that movie and I was there opening weekend. I must confess I've never seen the Mott Squad movie. Yeah, I think I think I probably did at some point on on telly. I'm going to start talking British for people. Sure. But I don't really remember it. She

it's like a, you know, they're three sexy whatever is going after Bill Lane's kind of a thing. I feel like Kate, uh, what do you call it there? What's her name? Claire Dane. Claire Dane's like gets beat up by somebody that's a little uncomfortable that's all i kind of remember i don't really remember it's like they're like they're supposed to be teenagers that are assigned to like work with an undercover

cop or something which might also have been the plot of the television show i don't know but also you got floating around in that movie dennis farina uh and josh brolin i think too wow that's right i remember also just from the commercial at having like those really like blown out colors like from like gone in 60 seconds like the the brookheimer special yeah yeah no it i mean if you look at giovanni rabisi in this movie you it's indistinguishable from giovanni giovanni rubec in gone in 60 seconds and see anything to not talk about the avengers nineteen ninety eight you know what speaking of let me just hit play real quick comment soon to theaters oh son of a beach if there was ever an episode that desperately

needed the VHS trailer game. It's the Avengers, ladies and gentlemen. Now, I want to, like, just we should do, like, a little bit of an update, recap. There was a VHS trailer game on YouTube that maybe people did not see, and then there was one on the Rambo Live show.

Yes, check out the one on YouTube. It's under the Green Room Live, but the Rambo Live show is gone forever, but Eric had a bit of a run there, and so did Andrew on both of those. So, the scores, are a bit more competitive here. As we sort of round in, the last VHS trailer game will be

sometime in the month of August. And that'll be the end of the season. Currently, Chris is still in the lead with 64 big points. Oh, they're big for him. They are big. Only for me. Okay. They don't fit well, Chris. You should take them back. Let's hear the small points for everyone else. Yes, the meager points. No, Andrew is nipping at his heels with 59 points in a striking distance strike them uh and eric is in a very respectable third place was 41 points pretty good talking yeah this is these are good things you forgot something steve what's what's your score currently it's zero okay i see all right looking pretty good for me i guess i got the bronze yeah well no one's like oh you know uh uh no one's asking adam silver the

commissioner of the nba what how many rings he has they're just like dude it's pretty cool that guy runs the NBA. So that's how that works. Oh, that's how that works, I guess. I like that you're Adam Silver and not Roger Goodell of the NFL. I wouldn't want to be Roger Goodell. Excuse me. Who is Adam Silver? Adam Silver is the commissioner of the NBA. Oh, okay.

I think the NFL makes more sense because, like, me taking a stand and being punished for it, it's been weird. Yeah, that's true. Tell the truth. I will tell the truth eventually. Plus all the brain damage this fucking game gives people. That's what I was going to say, dude, the fucking CT I have from playing this thing. I drink so much during these.

I mean, that's the problem. That's the problem. It's like I'm getting too stupid. Okay. So this was on the Avengers 1998 VHS, although I'm going to have to do the thing where I give you guys the years because there wasn't any proper trailers, but a very large. check out these VHS tapes for the WB Centennial Collection one of them

Oh shit You know who loves that is Chris Do I? Yeah I don't know what it is What are these? The Centennial collection Your dad pirated it from Columbia House

Yes Well it was like a lot of just like Some of the greatest movies WB ever has ever made And also for new Great Prices Kind of a thing like which is incredible because

like I don't know what it is but these kinds of commercials always happen Universal did one for the centennial but so for Warner Brothers it's like you know you have the tape on for the Avengers 1998 but remember when we put out

Casablanca exactly these are all pretty much in the year and the decade of the 90s just to give you a heads up so there's only three rounds this time around and I will give you the year every time this first one takes us

back to the year of 19 1890, one nine, nine, zero. All right, everybody, everybody got their buzzers. Give me your buzzer, Andrew, Chris, and Eric. Okay. So, here we go. Everybody's ready. And just to round up yet again, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 is the order of points.

And if you guess incorrectly within the round, you are out of the round until we go to the next trailer. Here we go. uh 1990 game masters clue the second and final entry in a hunky action franchise that went out in a blaze of glory 1990 action franchise hunky action franchise that went out in a blaze of glory so there's a fire at the end of it i'm just saying it went out in a blaze of glory uh that is Chris the Hong? Yeah, that's for me. Okay, what do you got?

Young Guns 2? It is Young Guns 2. Wow. And The Blaze of Glory is the Bon Jovi. Oh, shit. I'm going now. He'll blaze of glory. So this is actually the Bon Jovi game.

I should know Bon Jovi. You should. Of course you should. Dude, what was it? Where the fuck did we just see that son of a bitch? There was something. Oh, man. I'm not going to remember.

No, was it, maybe a New Year's Eve thing? There was something recently. We got a New Year's Eve party with Bon Jovi, dude? I wish, but actually not this. Whatever the hell it was, it was like, and now let's go over to Bon Jovi. And it's like, it's Bon Jovi. I'm like the end of some pier in California.

And it's like him. And like he, I think had like maybe an acoustic guitar might have just been singing. And then it was like a dude with a cello. and like all these other non bon jovi related instruments and i was like what are we doing bon jovi and it sucked speaking of uh kind of sucks as young guns too not good with the uh the elderly uh emilio estvez playing uh billy the kid as an old man in the 50s and bradley whitford comes to interview him as a intrepid reporter being like i found out who billy the kid actually was

And it's, I mean, he's doing old man voice. Yeah. I wish Billy the kid. That's terrible. It's like Dustin Hoffman and Little Big Man. Absolutely. I think that was probably the influence. Yeah.

That's awful. There. I've never seen either young guns, by the way. Is the first young guns any damn good or not so much? You know what? They're, they're, they're, they're, it's fine. It's not, you know, people in Gen X will tell you otherwise, but they're kind of not good. But the first one is,

is probably worth a look just for that all-star cast it's really incredible a hunky all-star cast okay so everybody got their buzzers out again round two 1998

and I feel like this one's gonna go fast ladies and gentlemen an R-rated picture that single-handedly rescued the comic book genre from the dumps I got Andrew Juba with a Boeing that would be Blade

yeah that is Blade Chris Cabin's favorite movie that was also that was almost going to be my clue by the way but that would have been fucked up but i will say i probably it's too easy of a clue however i just want everyone to always be saying that because let it be known all of your comic book movies is it you have to thank mr wesley snipes for them i'm sorry you have to just have to legally it's absolutely true and i got to tell you this news and who knows like by the time it actually comes out but the fact that this maherciala Blade is supposedly PG-13. Get the fuck out of here. No, thank you. Kiss my ass, man. Thanks, what are we doing?

Like, come on. That's just disrespectful. Yeah, why bother? Because not only is that like cutting down on the violence, but I'll tell you what, one of the great joys of Blade is just the profanities strewn everywhere. I mean, so dumb. It was going to be, it was going to be digital blood anyway, so it wasn't really going to like it. So, but like, at least there was some promise.

Some promise. Fuck. And Mearshal, yeah. I mean, but they're doing that Deadpool that's supposed to be R, right? Maybe if that does

well and it comes out before, they'll be like, oh, maybe we can do these R-rated movies. You know, as always, wait for Blade 2 for it to get good.

Wait, but didn't we already have two Deadpool movies? What are you talking about? Well, no, they're doing a third Deadpool movie under the Disney umbrella

or, you know, now the Disney runs owns everything. Yeah. And they've at least said privately or publicly that it's good, that will be R-rated

because, I mean, how are you going to, not going to have R-rated Deadpool movie you know and I'm how can I would ask the same thing for a fucking blade movie about fucking vampires yep yep Deadpool's gonna say fuck twice

dead yeah Deadpool so he can be like hey I'm gonna be over here eating my enchiladas or whatever the fuck lick my bean bag R rating oh wow what brilliant he did it again what's uh no what is that I'm gonna go on Red Bubble and get the Deadpool lick my bead bag t-shirt

Oh Chimmy Chongas Jimmy John is he loves. What red bubble? What is that now? It's like a art site that's not even legal where you can get t-shirts of a of comic book characters doing stuff. Not doing stuff, but you know, like, so you've heard. So I've heard. Yeah.

Doing stuff like Lois Griffin and. No, no, no. I mean, maybe if you get to the depths of it. You know what? I love fucking cartoon to pornography so much. I'm going to wear it at Disney World. Of course. Can someone isolate that sound by?

and play it back everywhere you know what here's the here's a fun game you get a group of your friends together right everybody's vaxed up ready to go back to amusement parks right you get some of these fucking these degenerate Disney t-shirts that Steve's trying

to sell you here today not trying to sell any of these real these real like hardcore disgusting you draw what is what is going on with goofy's fingers right you get these t-shirts all all your group of friends wears these t-shirts right you go into the

Disney World Park. Then you time and see who can last the longest before getting ejected by security. Who can last the longest before ejaculate? That's what I thought you were going. No, definitely not. No, I just want to see before you get like caught by the Disneyland fuzz or whatever. All right. So here we go. Final round going to 1996 in the Centennial Collection. an aerial actioner best remembered for a surprising death. That's a bonk. Is that Eric? No, it's me.

That's Chris. Executive decision. It is executive decision. Congratulations. Chris, my guess was going to be Mission Impossible, which is not exactly. Because when Emilio bites it in that movie,

it's always so shocking. That's a surprise death for sure. You're not going to make it. You will. Yeah. Congrats, Chris. I'm not going to make it, but you will.

I will say the Emilio death is the one like I felt that in my bones when that when he goes up into the fucking whatever those things are on the elevator it is the most yeah it's it's a bad death for for poor old Emilio for a tiny little man like that I never understood exactly why an elevator needed a bunch of spiky teeth but I think that that's you know that that dirty fuck John Boyt played it up that way you know what I mean oh wow you know he's he's so crooked he was like and then put spiky teeth on the elevator kind of a thing which is wild because everyone else on the team or whatever just gets murdered in that movie like you know shot and what blown up maybe like a car bomb i think christ and scott

thomas right is blown up but like she gets stabbed somebody gets stabbed okay but like the fact that it's like all of these like kind of regular degular takeout kind of murders and then fucking elevator assassin it's awesome Well, it's because genre knows a showman, you know, he really wanted to show off for John Boy, get him in for like the rest of this. Yeah, we're going to do this boss. Let's do it. But that, that is a good adaptation of the 60s television show. The Avengers, uh, Jeremiah Chachick's vision was never seen. We should mention speaking of their on the VHS trailer game, they're celebrating their centennial. But Warner Brothers massive chop job on this movie. I think. think for the best, honestly, because this movie's DOA. I mean, like, yes, is this, is this cut incoherent? And would the, uh, you know, two hour cut, nearly two hour cut be better? Probably. But like, nobody gives a shit. It's pretty clear nobody gives a shit. And the two leads have zero chemistry. So you're D.OA. The original cut was like an hour and 55 minutes. You

wouldn't chop that unless you knew it was terrible. Hour 55 is not in. insane it's not well but here's the thing right it's like terrible but like you can follow it all yeah i would always prefer over this kind of terrible which is like you've excised so much from this film already it doesn't make sense when you watch i i agree with that i even as bad as it is if i could like get really if i could connect the dots that's better than this i'm like fall in and there's no branches to grab on i mean But we were still in that mindset of like, if it's shorter, it's better. Like, yes.

And I prefer that mindset to now when it's like, well, we got to make it worth the money. So it has to be, you know, 17 years long. That's how each movie has to be exactly 17 years. To clarify, like, when we say that, we mean like, you know, these shitty movies or whatever movies, it's like they can be short. But there's also great long movies. And we're not against long movies. I'm going to start this off because we keep on dancing.

around actually talking about this movie. Go for it, buddy. The opening... Okay, we were not quite... You're going to talk about the opening font? The opening, okay, it's everything, really. Because they can't decide on a theme. Like, it's 17 different ideas

of what the background thing should be, none of which really funnels into what the movie is about. Like, there's like this goofy fucking score in the background because they replaced the actual good score. Are you talking about the opening titles? Yes.

They are, it's fucking great. It's probably one of the best parts of the movie because I could see like, you know, Sean Connery, maybe you'll be into it like, oh, this is kind of trippy. Look at this, there's just little shatterns going around and some drops of water. I'm totally tripping balls right now. Oh, my God, this map is going all squiggly, wiggly, and we haven't even gotten through the titles. I mean, it almost looks like like a parody of. the X-Men intro thing.

But, like, we're still years away from that, right? Yeah, X-Men's 2000. Yeah. Oh, shit. They stole it from this. Influential film. But, yeah, it's a lot of, like, oh, tornadoes and stuff. But it's like, it's this, you know, Pacific Sunware-esque font.

Like, this movie doesn't deserve it. You know what I mean? Like, it's, this movie is not gnarly in any way, shape, or form. No, it's not gnarly. It's not radical. It's not tubular. No one ever says Kawabunga. like I don't get how these opening credits are like it's basically also the same font as you wouldn't steal a fucking police car would you like whatever that ad is you know what I mean like it's that shit and then you just get to this like dry as hell not funny not actiony movie at all there's nothing cool about this it's incredible your two leads are like you know their characters I guess are like part of the British aristocracy and they are just

toast they are just like white bread toast walking around this fucking no emotion no humor and nothing after that gnarly intro I expected to see ray finds on a fucking skateboard you see nitt ray finds he gets into this like training mission thing where he's like super excellent at it and he's just like he's not breaking a sweat and like neither of them break a sweat the entire movie which is very like not bond

me like i know not everything needs to be bond but like what's exciting about like james bond and those mission impossible movies you're like oh fuck is this guy gonna make it and you know he is but like when they're like hmm quite wrong you know because that's that's that's the joke of this yeah right is like look at how swiftly ray finds is like dispatching all of these people you know and it's like also supposed to be funny because it's like the milkman like breaking the two bottles and coming after him and all that shit and it's like terribly unfunny

so you're just kind of it is real like looking at your watch shit the whole joke is oh

you wouldn't you wouldn't expect that would you oh oh you wouldn't expect a garage worker

to come at you with a knife would you this is like it's the Kingsman that franchise that's what this is basically

yeah and like the more anal jokes and like oh god I wish oh god

if this was just anal jokes that would actually make this pepper pepper this up a bit a little harder like 90s anal jokes like the ones your mama don't want to hear quite with misty mrs peel your your rear end is looking quite fetching hmm quite oh yes look at that go i'd like to peel that back oh did you remember to put your plug in today mrs fabisham good lord Better be the heart-shaped be jewelled one. His name is Steed, but it should be spread. Can I say this whole movie they're calling him Steed? Steed.

And I could have thought the whole time they were saying, Steve. Yeah, nice. John Steve. That's an American action here is John Steve. Absolutely. That guy fucks, he fights, and then he fucks again, John Steve. And he's got a shit. credit score is definitely twice divorced and then he passes some nuns and you wouldn't expect

them to fight them would you oh really mr. Steve low 400s credit score it's a pretty bad credit I expect you to be denied mr. Steve oh mr. Steve look at that you won't be getting that loan after all. Because he's an American special agent, right? So, like, the company makes him, like, put it all on his own credit card. We'll reimburse you later, Mr. Steve. Yeah, exactly. And he's, uh, you know, he's in his, uh, late 30s. So he's, uh, he had to go to, like, uh, spy college at that fucking bankrupted him, you know what I mean? The loans at spy college, forget it. Oh, man. And so, yeah, and then we're also, uh, introduced here to Jim Broadbent

as mother? This is the one thing I will say about this movie and he's not good at it but it just it can solidifies the theory that I would working on that Jim Broadbent

is always like two degrees better than whatever movie he's in and it's not if it's a really shitty movie he's pretty not good in it but he's just a little bit better than it if it's a great movie

like Topsy Turby he's like he's really great in it but he's even better than the movie a little bit he's always a little better than the movie that's absolutely true dude because I'll tell you right

now you can look at previous episode do little and he's in that movie as like the he's like the pseudo bad guy so-and-so that movie's rotten vomit but like he's just like his vomit smell is just a little bit fresher if Jim Broadbred was it a snuff film you're like he was pretty okay he was pretty good at that I love the way he laid that death blow I really believe he killed that girl look just look at that you can't teach that kind of work with the whip you just can't. Oh yes, machine indeed.

Dude, Jim Broadbett Snuff film beside me, I'll watch it. Oh, yeah, totally. No bother. I've killed it. I'll sign up for Snuff Plus.

Bring in the white barrels, if you will. Thank God we we have a drain on the floor. Well, we found this boy who's a vagrant or better cut his throat. Oh, there he goes. Out it goes. Oh, he's a squatter.

He could make like a British saw or something. Oh, yes. Oh, would you like to play a game? I'd rather love a real rousing game right now. What say you, young lass? Mm, mm, mm, mm. Call, like, broad game instead of like board game. Oh, yes.

Would you like to play a broad game? Then you definitely would know that your attacker is actor Jim Broadbotton. Oopsie doodle. Well, you'll be murdered anyway. We have a scalper, we have a saw. We have an electric saw, which would you like? So he's kind of like this, he's sort of like. he's sort of like

the M if we're just going to keep using other British spy properties here he's kind of like an M sort of guy a little more eccentric if you will and he gives a ring to the old prime minister to let him know that the some sort of

weather shield that was around all of the UK is like failing or something like that Jim Broadbent is if M was a shut-in yes like he's got this old man sweater like he didn't get dressed up for work this is the same thing he's wore every day for 25 years and i don't think he's watched it they just found him in it and you don't know a lot of soup stains and he's in a wheelchair

but you're not aware of it until like sort of the end of the movie when that becomes really apparent you're like oh okay oh you know what i mean like that would be some he's like a chain smoking like there's a character here but it's just not here i just thought he was lazy for yes i really did yeah like it's like michael kane being in a movie now I'm not getting up Don't you dare ask me I mean but it totally checks though I wouldn't stand for this movie either

Apparently Michael Kane was in the running In the running they say Apparently I guess he lost the part Of Sir August de Winter to Sean Conner He made good with Kingsman Oh what's the name of the character Oh mother Yeah fuck you

Yeah fuck you good boy I was going to be the villain In the Avengers movie which would be $900,000, which would just get me the vacation home I want down in Greece. So, oh, God, damn it! Go to Connery, he gets a vacation home.

God damn it. Yeah, you know, I wouldn't stand for this movie either, Andrew, and the audience didn't sit for it. That is also true. I mean, it probably didn't make even, I don't know how much they spent on this piece of shit, but like $60 million. 60 million and it did globally

55 million dollars So you know They took a bath Them fuckers in the UK may like that television show But they didn't come out for this movie either Apparently people in the UK were Were Try

No I'm trying to think of UK expressions But I don't have any They were very upset with the film Because it gets Britishisms incorrect There's one moment where we see Steed Ray Fines's car and it shoots out tea and apparently

it comes with the milk already mixed in which is a no no oh shit no no that's like it's like giving you a beer in the U.S. there's too much head on top I just feel like the amount of tea that these people are consuming and are talking

about it's like the writer just got like what are British people eat like a little whiteboard like all right definitely they love their tea so every five minutes. It's like, do you want tea? I'd like some tea. How about what tea? It's not even that they like, okay, fine. They sit down for tea. It's a joke line. Yes. All the pants to tea are all supposed to be laugh lines. Um, we also meet, of course, Um, Thurman is, uh, Dr. Emma Peel. And she, we're told, is the chief of this Weather Shield program that is known as get ready for

it. Prospero. Like that shit? Yeah, that's right. This Alex Jones here. We've got new information that Prossibo company is funding a new type of harp, but it's in the U.K., so it makes it rain tea. Catch them in bed with a steed. Look at those Earl Grey clouds and the chem trails going through them. And you know it's NW folks because they have milk in the tea.

That's right. They got milk in the tea that's running down on them. That's right, folks. They're putting fluoride in that milk, and you know it. Oh, ew. Let's go to Paul Joseph's watching, a resident of the UK. What do you think? I haven't been outside of my house in months.

I imagine the tea tastes bed. It looks bad outside. There's a little girl playing with a balloon. And her mother's coming together. It looks bad, honestly. They're eating garbage there, aren't they? She's eating in the streets with their tea. They're having tea and garbage.

That's how bad London has gotten with the multiculturalism. So she gets word that Ray finds wants to see her at this social club. And it's this big like all these old motherfuckers clutching their pearls because there's a woman in the room. Yeah. It lets you know that she doesn't take any shit because she's like, yeah, that's right, Mr. Mr. It's the late 90s and I've got girl power but that's all I'll say. I'll just

say girl power and that's it. But not only am I a girl, but I'm an American. Uh-oh. Right? Huma's American, right? Uma is American. Everyone has characters not. Yeah, I know that. But

funny, huh? Finally we got someone crossing the pond to do it. I mean, I imagine they had to take away the music cue to these boots were made for walking you imagine oh dude i was going to suggest it was the spice girls

of some kind that also could have worked yeah but also like you don't really know what like this is just like like fantasy time right you don't know what time exactly it's supposed to be right because we've got well no because they're totally pulling like a Batman the animated series thing because we got

computer technology all over the place all the cars are fucking way old though oh yeah I guess i just i didn't even think about it I just thought it was the late 90s and we were getting retro with it. But I think you might be right that it's like sort of who knows what era this is supposed to be. It's supposed to just look cool. That's like the whole idea. It's just like doesn't it look hip everybody? Don't you want to watch this absolute fucking nonsense for

fucking two hours? I am tired of things look at hip. It's times for things to start looking thigh. It's a little closer to the crotch. Is it? I guess so. The pelvis anyway. Probably equidistant, I'd say. It's good that there's nothing to talk about with this movie and it's trash. I'll tell you what's pretty great, though. Ray finds nude in the sauna. Well, that's the thing is they're both

really, you know, probably at the height of their sexual powers look-wise, and they've got no chemistry, and it's a huge problem. You know, like, he's jacked out of his mind, just totally naked. She's like, oh, quite. And it's just, there's nothing between

them. How is that, how is that even possible. Agreed. You know? I think it's because they're really going for this super dry comedy tone that just doesn't work. Right. And that's here too, because she has to be like, oh yes, a dick, great. You know what I'm? And like, and that's it. Meanwhile, like, the movie

is also trying to engineer this like romantic relationship between the two characters, which the show famously did not have. So that was another thing that fans of the show got pissed off about is that like the television show like danced around that much like the the actual all or nothing days of X-Files

right? Before they just had them start fucking like rabbits. But so in this it's like they are using this like really flat kind of comedy style that's not working at all. It's not, it's barely reading. And then also like trying to make these two like fall in love and it is

just it is a wrong turn at every turn. The love thing is insane. But like, I was making a joke that most of the humor is like, oh, you did expect that to happen. But the other thing is rhyming. You're supposed to get a lot of jokes

or a lot of big laughs out of lines like, I didn't like pickles with brine, but the cucumber is fine. And like, that is supposed to be your big fucking guffaw. That's a line in that movie? No, I'm making that up. That's not. But like, just like a line like that, like a stupid, like,

I like honey, just like bunnies, like shit like that. That's how they used to talk back in the day, you know? But like you're supposed to contrast it against something of modern age, aren't, like, isn't that the interesting thing with those Starsky and Hutch? Well, I mean, like, shit. Well, that's the thing. Yeah, that none of the humor is modern or pithy or clever or like, you know, because the best of these movies, aside from Mission Impossible,

which almost transcends it is Charlie's Angels, right? Where it was like so modern, it's almost not watchable by today. standards but at the same time it was a hit for a reason like you know what I mean it hit the zeitgeist it was clever and funny in a 90s way yes and there's similar moments from this movie to that movie

Eddie Isard is silent as this kid this would be killer and so is Crisp Glover oh interesting yeah yeah I you know is this I'm trying to think that because like Mod Squad is present day I think Steve the

like it's uh well because you're right the the starsky and hutch that was that was present day but they weren't for some reason right i don't remember i never saw it i really because like well that was the brady bunch movie was like they were all oddly stuck in the 70s but it was the 90s well margrewber did it well he was kind of stuck in the past that's true with like his tape deck and you know everything else just more a man like stuck in his ways i mean that brady bunch movie is very weird because they like haven't like aged out of the 70s and still

like kind of act like it is the 70s I guess that's the joke right it's at least like doing something with it and then all of these other adaptations you know like Mission Impossible included in this like it just brings the core idea of the story into present day. Let's not forget

Austin Powers a year prior to this a little over a year prior to this and I feel like that is kind of maybe like that's why we're doing a British spy political comedy but i also think it takes the air to the balloon because that does it so well because it's like really funny you know what i mean like this movie is not it's like really really funny and like there's it has a real point of view about this idea so what is the deal here there is

a there's security camera footage that jim broadbent shows them of supposedly uh uh dr peel sabotaging her own weather device. And so now famed comedy duo Steed and Peel have to work together to clear her name and figure out who was actually trying to sabotage this Prospero project. Which is weird because like, you know, and then like mother,

a father shows up who is the great Fiona Shaw. Hell yeah. Who basically is like, oh, shouldn't we arrest her now? It's like, no, we'll have her. either lead us to the bad guy or she'll clear her name. That's that. Okay. Aren't you glad I to him in this movie? Fiona Shaw? Yeah, why is she

wearing the sunglasses you wear like when you go into like get a fake tan? Because apparently she's blind which you wouldn't know. Yes, she's blind. What? That's what? Yeah, she's blind. I didn't get that at all. Oh, really? Not at all. That's interesting. Yeah, I don't think. Yeah, she's blind. I didn't pick up on that either. Oh, so you got, you just thought she was wearing cool sunglasses.

It was just like, okay, she looks like, it looked like Edward Norton at the end of the lead of battle angel. She's kind of dressed like Blofeld in this or something. It's, it's a weird look. Yeah, yeah, she's got like a kind of a weird hairdo also. Yeah. Like, she just came from getting electrocuted

for some reason. Remind me the principal in rock and roll high school forever. If anyone knows, the Corey Hey, uh, Corey Feldman movie. Pardon my French. Who is the principal in that movie? I don't really remember. Oh, it's, it's Mary. Oh, the Mary Warnoff character. I couldn't remember if she was the

principal or not. Yeah, I think so. Right. So then like, this is like exactly this next part here really exemplifies why it's like this Warner Brothers Chop Job makes this movie like nigh unwatchable because they just go

from being like, all right, this is what you have to do, is figure out who's behind sabotaging the weather project and framing you, I guess, Uma Thurman. And then it just cuts to, I don't know, Ray finds office and there's sword fighting while having a conversation. They're at a tailor. It's a tailor's shop or something like that. But I think it's supposed to be, I mean, again, totally stolen by this fucking Kingsman shit. But like, I took this to be, like, I took this to be, like they're sort of like a queue headquarters in a way. Okay. Yeah, I mean, that might, that would

work. That would certainly make sense. Because there's all his like, there's like that rack of umbrellas and I mean, also there's sword fighting in the place and the tailor is not blinking an eye, which leads me to believe that this happens all the time. But like, this is exactly my point is like we have no answers to any of this

because there's so much just stripped out of this movie. You can't follow it. Which I do get. I do agree, but I think that the problem is like where I'm okay almost okay with it just because like the set if those scenes were either funny or exciting they would have been in the movie you know what I mean I think that that's what they were trying to sift through and this is the most funny quote and exciting version of this movie and yes it coherence paid the price I mean I just like but things though that like it doesn't have to be funny or exciting I just need a scene of them either on a sidewalk or in a

car or something that's like we have to go to this place and we'll get you outfitted with whatever like there's so much of this movie making a big deal about like Ray finds getting her this like customized pair of boots and the whole time you're like oh well is there like guns in them

or something is it like a gadget boot set what are we talking about and it's just nothing it's just a black pair of boots and it doesn't matter like you know what I mean like yeah there's just all of this shit that just doesn't make sense but if you just had like that scene of like yes we're going to go to this tailor shop and when you get in, it's not like your average tailor shop, you know?

Yeah, it would help the narrative. The only times they leave that shit in is when they're trying for comedy where it's like, and the car is spitting tea. How cheeky. Let's have some teacups. Like you literally, you could just put a static shot in between these shots and just have Ray Fines be like, hell bother, we have to go to the Hiffington and Sons to get you a new pair of guns.

I would love it. Anything like that. Yeah. You remember those old shows? you'd watch. It was almost like Bob Vila, but it was really like it was a guy like drawing and telling you a story about the drawing he was making. And it was

that, but he would be, that's how exposition worked in this movie is like. What are you talking about? No, no, not, yeah, Bob Ross I'm talking about. Yeah. Great show. Second shot of the vaccine. Really, really, I'm on top of my game today. That's why we should mention, Steve, you had your second shot today. I did this morning

and it's, it's really, I I just, I feel like I'm turning into a werewolf slowly. Maybe I am. Spread it on. I just don't. I'm just going to eat raw meat. Like, you know, like, just that thing. And you love it. Let's encourage people to get vaccinated.

Oh, absolutely. Yes. Has Jen chained up the door? Yes. Just in case. Okay. She put out the nightly fish heads in the bucket. No, everybody should get vaccinated. I feel great. It's a small price to pay to get, uh, fucking, do go to a goddamn movie again and see,

maybe the Avengers. Yeah. That would be a repertory screening, dude. Let's do it. That would be amazing if that's like the one thing that Warner Brothers would let out of the vault for like a big screening when everybody comes back. The 98 Avengers, go see it.

You know what? Sean Conner, you just lost the man. Here you go. No, can I tell you right now when Sean went by-bye, Warner Brothers, famous for doing this. They will do it for actors, directors they have no shame they'll do it down to like if a costume designer passes away i will get an

email that's like remembering sean connery and then all the movies from warner brothers that sean connery is in and you bet your sweet ass there was an email that was like remembering john connery the avengers on that list no doubt no way because i remember thinking like why would you advertise that he's in this movie was zardos on that list i would go if if someone in you New York City or anywhere. Screen's fucking Zardaws. I'm showing it. No, Zardaz wasn't on. I don't believe Zardos was a Warner Brothers movie. Oh, fair enough. Well, he's, I mean, we could talk about our good friends, Sir Sean Connery. Sure. August De Winter is his character's name, right? Yes. He's kind of game for this movie, but this movie has no idea what to do with him. And like, which is kind of

not a travesty, but like he's as, you know, Sean Connery as she's willing to be. But like, it's just there's nothing for him to do it's kind of shocking it's just the idea of like we're going to cast bond as the bond villain isn't that funny and it's like can that carry the movie dude you're totally right you are totally right eric and that is where the thought line stopped was like what if james bond played a bond villain and then all of a sudden like somebody a producer blacked out and when they woke up they were six weeks into shooting this movie by the way i love how dumb this character is his entire family were fanatical meteorologists so they're all named after months like all this siblings that we never see and only get we only hear of briefly like like

his sisters april may and june we hear and he's august supposedly there's a july guy running around oh you got to watch that july guy dude he's hansy do you think i mean like where they're like oh sir sir shan do you would you be interested if we got right Roger Moore to play. Fuck you. Don't even finish that fucking sentence. I am not breaking bread with Roger fucking Moore. I'm Auguste Winter and he ain't playing July guy.

And as for that Pierce Brosnan, it's more like Pierce Bros. No. July chop. July chop But I mean It's crazy though Because yeah You got Sean Connery for this movie

He is clearly game And I'm sorry You had like 40 years of movie history To look back on to figure out How you utilize Sean Connery in a movie It's unacceptable in 1998 Well I mean Give him some credit

So we meet the man When he's like He's in his big garden and what you would want from your scene from your first big scene from your big first villain is somebody talking about hybiscous and like different kinds of plants not giving you any sense of like

what my my view of the world is or anything oh no grangers are the best they have good nitrons of bro oh have you have you ever had have you ever kissed a hybiscish how could a man with a garden be evil well I'll tell you what the that is not the it's not the first introduction to him. The first you see of

Connerty in this movie is a big laugh out line for me or a moment rather. He's playing that organ. He's playing an organ in a tweed suit and then like someone help me out here with what this means in this. I know that's what you're going to ask

and I don't have the answer. We tilt up and there's just a portrait of Uma Thurman. I have no idea. I have I kept waiting for that to happen like later on you find out this evil Emma Peel is a clone which is very unexplained but that's at least explains where she comes from

but like is he obsessed with her did she look like her his dead wife something something he probably helped get her cloned right like so that because the clone is helping him you know all the shit the clone does eventually helps his weather

program which is also the program that she was working on and he like hijacks it it's pretty weird it's I guess she went to work one day and like had a sip a tea from a cup as one does, puts it down, Sean Connery slips in, gets that cup and then clothes her. Oh, thank you for the, thanks for the DNA shampoo.

Even that would be better. This is the first time I'm taking a DNA sample instead of having to give one. Oh, no, I actually haven't seen your brush with all the hairs in it. I don't know where it went. It just was right here, but I haven't seen it. right so the actual the real emma peel infiltrates his like biodome or whatever and what's funny she knocks out poly shorts stephen baldwin no but he's wearing that suit that like plaid tweed suit or whatever it was and then suddenly he's wearing something different you know i feel

like that there's something else on the cutting room floor but then his introduction with this character i mean i guess they've i guess he's cloned her before but he grabs her neck like grabs your throat strangling her. We go from a strangulation and then two seconds later he's kissing her hand and I'm like, this is just how Sean Connery greets women.

Dude, it's insane. And then he's got, there is, I'm sorry, Mr. Chairman. I guess you never heard of improv. Apologies. I was taking it for a walk.

What was I going to say? Oh, no, there is a funny line here though where he's showing her that one flower and he's like, oh yes look at this look at the sexy flower I mean yeah look at it and he like moves around some like big like convex like magnifying glass thing so she can see the actual flower and he's like why don't she touch it and she's like eh and he goes touch

it's dr. Peel yes don't you know that the entire ratio of protons to ions the entire micromachine theory I invented it little cars that was my idea also i didn't take it out for air and she's like and again like the idea is it's supposed to be the part of this spy movie where she's trying to like come on to him and pretend that she's not whatever is like by the way that fucking dupe you're with is going in my weather maze now or something it's like you didn't touch the flower the least you could do is take off your shoes

and show me your feet and remind you there is something quite ill-defined going on our child it is and I mean like what

and this is when Ray finds is walking around and like the weather starts to attack him and like again because it's this movie he's just like hmm quite

and it's just is it worried about it or like no why is it snowing all of a sudden not phased at all like I feel like the direction for every actor

in this movie was like no matter what happens you have to remain nonplussed throughout the entire situation because that's what this is it's like he there's like a phone booth that's ringing he goes to pick it up because it starts raining you can't even hear anybody on the

other end I don't even know what that's supposed to be it starts snowing and then like snow's so fast that there's accumulation enough that a dog sled can run into this scene and again he doesn't flinch once and then it's fucking Umma Thurman

who shoots him nothing. Absolutely nothing. This guy doesn't blink. And the joke is like, oh, I was wearing my bulletproof three-piece suit. It's like,

okay, awesome. This is where the transition, like the problem of not knowing where we're going between the scenes really hit me because he gets shot by the clone Uma Thurman. And then we cut to him in bed

with the real Uma Thurman, but you would have just thought it was the clone one. Well, that's the thing is they're not, you don't know if, like, I guess they were trying to play up, like, is she a double agent of some kind? But then, like, literally, they do this whole scene where it becomes very apparent that she's not the clone, like, she knows, like, who he is and is talking with him. And then they cut to mother and father in a bus where another Ray finds who you think is

another clone is just sitting there and talking to them. And, like, there's no explanation. No, it's not, but it feels like it because it just switches from him being in a robe with Uma Thurman to in a full suit with mother and father. It's so fucking confusing. It's jarring and it's weird. And also, like, why is he, like, she's Dr. Peel, right? Like, she's, that's her title. But he constantly calls her Mrs. Peel throughout this entire movie.

Yes. Well, there's a dumb line about that, right? Where he's like, you know, oh, do we really have to keep up these formalities? I have to keep calling you Dr. Peel. And she's like, no, that's totally fine. You could call me Mrs. Peel. Well, I think, like the first name is the mystery or something, even though we know it's Emma by the end of the movie. Yeah.

I think the idea there was basically you got your, it's a thing wherein like she, I control F on the Wikipedia page for Emma Peel and she's not a doctor. So I think this movie like upgraded her to being a doctor to like sort of give her more agency. But then they were like, but then that's not. what the character is known as so we have to do it kind of both ways kind of a thing well that's what this is so weird about this right is because this movie i i guess in a way is like there was no film franchise but this is like i guess how they decided to approach her origin story because like she's not a spy in this movie it starts and she's like this weather scientist exactly like can also fight like a spy you know i'm not saying i need training sequences here but like

she's literally introduced as a scientist and she's doing like martial arts fighting moves all of a sudden and I don't like the movie is just like well and now she's a spy it's as if in inside the first Ghostbusters movie Dana Barrett went from cellist to art restorationist in the one film like that's how jarring

it just makes no sense I mean you might as well have just had like the Matrix scene where she just blinks her eyes and it's like, I know Kung Fu or I know any kind of fighting like literally any martial art. Yeah, she's just like, I guess I'm a spy now. Yeah, yeah, all right.

We've talked with dance around it. Like, you know, obviously Connery famously passed on Morpheus. Worst movie, right? If he's in it. Yeah. Definitely. If anything, he should play the architect. I know that was also an old white man with a beard,

but it would add a little gravitas. Because like he's not more. Like, Morpheus is. cool and connery's not cool i'm wearing the fucking ribless sunglasses great well i mean i think the other thing to consider is like the matrix very much functions as a uh um what is the word i'm looking for here like the whole cast is the movie right it's ensemble there we go holy shit i got my second vaccine weeks ago i got no excuse actually this fucking beer i'm drinking this anyway so uh uh uh oh man what was i oh yeah ensemble i feel like if sean connery's in that movie it's a weird

distraction in the sense of like then you'd just be looking at sean connery the whole time for sure and that's on a knock against larry fishburn he's fucking great in that movie in you know in all those movies but like it just everybody kind of works more as a unit and it's not no one bit of casting is like a distraction at that point so it is it is better could someone turn down that blasted techno music. Oh, watch this, Neo. I'm jumping from one Greyhound bus to another.

All right. Now, one more time now, and then I promise I'll stop asking, but again, you're pronouncing it how? Kianu? Kiano. There it is. I got it. The band's called Prodigy as it.

Well, a prodigy didn't make it. Jesus fucking Christ. The other The good thing about Lawrence Fishburn is Lawrence Fishburn is still live. He can still do a fight and I believe it. Can you imagine the blocking that would have to happen? Or just like the kind of cuts you would have to do

to fucking make it look like Sean Connery could fight anyone. No, but that's what I'm saying. The Matrix Gun is what I use. No, that's exactly right. It would be a completely different movie because, of course, he wouldn't be doing fight scenes. Absolutely not. I feel like the Wachowski's part of the script.

just like, oh, you know, Sir Sean Connery, we're huge fans, here's here's this great script, here's some background on your character, and here's a cool, this is how the wire work, the what? Well, you're going to get this wire rig, you see. Like a wire bra, like on a lady, you're saying. Okay, so I are hook the bra, continue.

This is, this movie sounding exciting. This is getting good. So the boy there, neon, he has mind powers. should have mind powers too, so that I can sit down for the whole film. Yes, at the end of the movie, Neo goes, oh, no, you're the one, Morpheus. And then the next movie is Morpheus's revenge. I'm so excited to be making Morpheus's revenge.

If he bench one spoon, I should bend two, right? I'm better than you. I mean, it's kind of funny, because if you think about what the Morpheus character is to Neo, right and think about last week's episode it's kind of like him doing a Ramirez all over again right like here's how you be a Highlander and here's how you be a

a Matrix person here's how you be an Avenger okay black widow shit down I'll talk to you now just let me listen I know it doesn't sound right but I can tell you Morpheus would be more imposing if he was in bed the whole time

He was asleep the whole time He'd be more imposing He would really float over the whole series Check this out I got it all figured out for your plot Okay, he's got a computer virus You understand He's sick with the computer virus

Computer virus got to his willy So then Now that I fixed your movie for you You're welcome Give me the money for the rig And give me the money A little bit of screenplay credit And also a little one

walking around money please. Could you get Kino over that to feed me some chicken soup maybe. Kino.

Oh, man. Can I ask you guys a quick question? No. Well, good night, everybody. No, seriously, though. Because I've been

racking my brain since watching this movie this afternoon. Why are these guys all dressed up like furries in this meeting? there's a line of like connery saying like of course i know who you are but you can't know who each other all so you have to dress up his fucking bears i mean the anonymity part i totally get and i think it's

pretty smart it's kind of funny because this is very much like a mirrorish scene to goldfinger um in a in a way but so i totally get that but like why the furries why can't we just put a fucking mask over these people's faces. Well, I mean, I think the idea that the A, that's supposed to be fun. And B, I think... Oh! Yes. I don't know. Wasn't there sort of a teddy bear craze or in the late 90s that...

Beanie babies? Those amazing... Beanie babies? Those amazing fruit commercials? Remember those? Nope. The fruit? What? Amazing fruit? Amazing fruit was just like gummy bears, but it was like kind of cooler for some reason. No. And there were bear characters? They call amazing fruit by da-da-da-da-da-da.

I think this was a local New York City commercial. They didn't say it was illegal to sell that upstate. Local New York gummy bears, ew. Hey, we got fucking Bronx gummy bears over here. We got all the flavors. Yankees flavor. This would taste like the five trains floor. Your favorite flavors, glass, filth, subway.

You got a chicken color parmesan. on gummy bears here. Taxi cab fucking wheel. I don't know. Oh, here's my favorite fucking New York gummy bear flavor. It's a 100 center street hot dog flavor. You too can taste what it's like

when the character is on Law & Order eat lunch. Yeah, you also got an Italian-American racism against Irish-American gummy bear. Oh, I'd get that. Definitely. Oh, the tight seats at the film forum flavor gumma bears. Something for the downtown crowd. I like it.

We're expanding. No one's heard of Amazing Fruit. I hope someone on their podcast commute is yelling about Amazing Fruit right now. No. Let me just, you know, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to look up, see if I can recognize the logo here. I got it. It's coming to you right now.

You drop it in this little virtual chat route. I just dropped it in the, there you go. Oh, so I will say, Steve, yes, I do recognize not so much the little bears funny enough, but just the Amazing Fruit font. But I can't confirm that I've actually ever had one. I used to love Amazing Fruit, dude. It was way into it. Ooh, Tropical Amazing Fruit.

at that. I mean, it is, I'll say, having them in bear suits like that, very easy way to get like your PAs to play like your henchmen in this. Absolutely. Yeah, you're not kidding, Kevin. That's a good thought. That's, you know, show, yeah, I'll be the bear, but I'm not going to wear the costume. I'll do the voice over. Yep, from my bathroom again. We do see him take off the bear head and he's like the big black bear at the head of this table. And God, it's a basing to see him do this it is and he really sucks you know what it reminded me of which is i think equally pathetic is when at the start of u.s marshals when tommy lee jones has to be dressed up like that chicken yeah they like they give chase and so much of the chase is him without the chicken head

but the suit is still on just debased debased but and the thing is like you know the point of the scene is like he's like okay whoever wants to leave could leave and then he like throws darts and kills these guys. So it's kind of like an untouchables reference to a little bit. Oh, yeah. It's also a little bit like what he does to that one guy in Goldfinger, not what he does, but what Goldfinger does to the guy where it's like, oh yes, you

may leave right now, just get in the car and our job will take you to the airport. And then he's also murdered. That's also true. It's weird like Eddie Isard's like the hench person here and she's like, she doesn't say a word so like, why are you hiring Eddie Isard

to not be funny? is my question. The amazing thing about any Eddie Isard performance that's rad is when she gets to just run her mouth, which she's always been great at. And it's fucking hilarious. And like, there's one

line at the end of it. And literally that fucking joke of like a silent character's last words being profanity has been done to death. I'll be honest, she made out great on this one. She didn't have to say a word in this piece of shit movie gets to say fuck at the end of it and that's it and your paycheck

for the fucking year. Thank you very much. There was definitely something going on where we wanted to see silent scary types. Yes. Right. Yeah, it's weird. And I'm trying to think too. So like this was 98 and Izard like must have been at the height of her powers

right here right? Because like wasn't dressed to kill kind of around the late 90s? Yeah, dressed to kill late 90s. Velvet gold mines around here. Yeah. I mean like Oh, I did not know Eddie Azard was in Velvet Gold Mine. Yeah, she's a pretty big character. Still, still I've never seen it.

Oh, it's good. Good one. A really good movie. But the thing is, if you're doing a silent bruiser character, get a WWF guy, you know what I mean? I don't know. Get Razor Ramon in there or something.

Razor Ramon. We had to fire Razor Ramon today from the Avengers movie. Oh, why is that? Oh, definitely too many racist comments. Rayza Ramon tried to do a British accent and he killed half of our crew I don't know how

they just heard it and died I feel like when you when you inject a wrestler into something I'm just like okay I'm watching I'm now I'm really watching a dumb movie like this is so unbelievable because it's like what do people just go to the gym

all the time that's science fiction well so this is interesting though Eric right like so What is a better movie? This or, um, what's that Hulk Hogan movie we did a really long time ago? Oh, boy. No holds barred.

Yeah. Oh, I will no holds barred. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right. You're right.

You're right. You're right. There are definitely better movies featuring wrestlers, but it's, I just, I just feel like, I don't know. I get what you said. Well, again, it's kind of like what I was talking about with Sean Connery being in the matrix. whenever a wrestler appears on screen you're kind of distracted at least for a few minutes because you're like well that's a wrestler regardless of whether or not you know them right but I was actually just this happened to me oh this is all right perfect timing right because of our um the highlander episode that we did I've been on this Lambert kick going through all these Christopher Lambert movies and one of the things I decided to do was go back and fix the final Lambert related Highlander blind spot that I had and I watched that Highlander Endgame.

Yeah, trash, right? Total trash. Absolutely total trash. But in that movie, in one, I think it's a flashback scene, all of a sudden, a professional wrestler from the attitude era, Edge is just in that movie. And like, it's one scene, it's maybe maximum, like, two or three shots that he's in the movie, but it's enough that I was like, oh, fucking Edge is in this movie. And it was like, I mean, Highlander End game is terrible, but it was like distracting me from

Highlander Endgame. I was still a little aggravated at edge because of it. I could definitely see that. I will say the problem for me is that Eddie Isard, she shows up. I'm like, oh, let's get going. Yeah. She's not in it for another what? Like, she's like barely.

Of course, she doesn't say anything, but she's barely in it for another 30 minutes. Whereas like even Crispin Glover, like the whole point of him in that Charlie's Angels movie is that he has the figure to do the fight scenes. Like he can do all that shit. He's very physical in that movie. Yeah. He's also in the movie way more. than Eddie Isard is in this movie. He's also thin and maybe he's toned

in shit but like he's not a fucking like giant wrestler Kristen Glover you know like he's no totally and he's physically intimidating in that movie and Eddie Isard is it allowed to be physically intimidating and I don't know if she would be back then anyway like you know what I mean it's just like sort of

Eddie Isard hi I'm funny you know they're casted they probably they shot this in in the UK probably right and that's just who was around or it could have been but that's what I was asking about dress to kill because then that's like yeah if the timeline matches up that's a little bit of stunt casting in that way because that thing was fucking massive that special was massive on HBO 99 actually so pro no pre-aged oh wow yeah and yes they

filmed this entirely in the UK so there you go um so they find out there's a company that's making like boutique personal meteorology, and I cannot stress this enough folks at home or something. Yeah. Yeah, like you could buy your own weather for something and like which also kind of gives up the game

because it's like, oh my God, who is manipulating the weather satellite? Like, oh, this company is advertising manipulating weather. I guess it's the same thing. Yep. Yeah. This is really where like if you're going to, if you're building something where this is a world where you can

control the weather i need some world building yeah there's nothing like this is a completely fantastical society they built here and they give you nothing see that's the thing is i need a tour of the facility with the computers that do manipulate the weather not his personal biodome yes yeah exactly yeah and i and you need some sort of like well why are they doing this is it like a global warming situation are we in some sort of kind of near future thing where there's way more ozone problems or something like and again like i don't care what it is just like any of those things would be you just you can just make sean connery someone who was like i invented this to be you know like i'm sympathetic to the plight of like why should a drought destroy a farmer's crop or something

and then he's and then he you know he saves that those people and then it gets to his head and he gets the god complex and now he's controlling the weather for the whole planet yeah i mean i've never seen like i mean god complex like great ref only because like yeah think about like the the gravity of this device right and like the nonchalance with which all of this is addressed is just insane to me you know what i mean and there's never really a moment where it's like all right you don't believe me eh well watch what i'm gonna do to italy you know and then like he does a hang scorpio and fucking destroys something with a tornado or whatever then it would be a bond movie not a hip 90s comedy oh got it and by the way the machine we get around this time we get to see the machine

that's doing all this it looks like an artisanal bong like it's got like a big bubble at like it's a big sphere and then there's like a pipe sticking out of it essentially. Well, yeah, look at this. The sick fucking bubbler I made, eh? Look at it. I call it a storm chaser. Oh, dude, a couple of hits off the storm chaser, and you're not getting off the coach? Take a couple of rips from the storm chaser, and you're going right into the sox zone.

I'm some of my thunder cloud push. Hold on, let me take a rip from the storm chaser. Holy shit, I want to do the Matrix now. Oh, my God, get me that Wachowski's on the food. No, no, no, I took a hit from my storm chaser, and I understand the script perfectly now. Oh, yeah, it makes complete sense now. I ran through it.

This is brilliant. Wait a minute. You two are going to be stars. Now that I'm looking at it is wearing off again, get me the storm chaser. Oh, my goodness. They're all making sense. Ramirez, Jardos, it's all complete.

And together, the storm chaser really cleared up the cobwebs in me, doggin. Heed, next time we do the storm chaser, put vodka in the bottom. Oh, man, no way. Never have. Never, is that something people do? Oh, yeah. Oh, really, Chris, is that what you're up to these days? Oh, yes, every day, Eric.

Have you ever done that camp? Oh, yeah, back in my younger days. You wake and bake to that now? Yes, every day, error. I haven't had a bong rip in about, I don't know, like, God, an honest to goodness, B-O-N-G bong in like five years. I feel like if I did it, I would turn into Linda Hamilton's skeleton in Terminator 2, like shattering it in that fence.

I'm like almost the daily user. I'm, you know, I'm a daily user at this point, but I couldn't imagine. I think it was probably like 10 years ago the last time I hit a bong. Can I tell you guys something? Did you buy a bond? I'm literally looking at it right now. How's that working out?

It's fucking great. Because fucking Gabris bought this one and he was tweeting about it. And it was a thing where like the proceeds were going to a good cause for like, you know, cannabis conviction, justice and whatnot. And so I was like right on, Gabris. And I fucking bought it and dude purchase of the year. Oh. All right. I have to say it's it's a good time.

might use it right after this recording these days if I ever did the fucking vodka at the bottom of the thing I think I would actually look like Hamilton when she's having the fantasy about what happens at Terminator 2 and she's holding onto the fence oh yeah dude exactly just fucking incinerated that's what my that's what my coughs would be like well this one's got a little catch-all for like ice cubes to put in the neck so it like cools the whole thing down it's a real smooth rip I have to say maybe when we can do an in-studio record again after we finish the episode we'll do some killer bomb rips yeah and by the way it's legal you bobby's listening so leave us the fuck alone not enough bobby's in this movie

right that's nary a bobby oh oh they're coming after me I'm going to use my weather balloon on these fucking bobbies you're gonna get me out to the United Kingdom for tax related reasons you know I usually Manhattan boobies, not bobbies, but for you, I'll make an exception.

But, you know, blah, blah, blah, the movie continues. Uma Thurman, I think, deserves a little bit of a better career that she has right now. I think she deserves, like, she's close, like, I just want to see her win an Oscar before we all, like, in this next couple of years, because she's awesome in that nymphomaniac scene. That one nymphomaniac scene is like, holy shit, this lady is insane. Has anyone seen The War with Grandpa? How is she in the War with Grandpa? This is what I'm talking about, Eric.

Thank you. Come on, Cabin. I know you saw it. I haven't seen it. Are you kidding me? Really? Oh, I thought you did it for show research. No, no, no, no.

I thought you watched everything. I do not watch everything. I just said, I haven't seen the Mod Squad. Yeah, no, but I do think Uma Thurman is great and hasn't fully had her do, obviously, you know, Kill Bill is great. And Kat, Gattaca. there, which is insane. It should have been that.

I mean, I mean, Niffamaniac Part 1 is it like a movie that would be nominated for Oscars, but she should have been nominated for Best Supporting in that because it's such a crazy and amazing scene that she has. She's also good in The Adventures of Baron Moonshoushousin.

Yes. I mean, she's, never saw. She's been good for so long. I feel like she needs like, like I don't want it to be peppermint because Jesus Christ, but like a taken like movie that's less racist would be

fantastic. Well, because like she, I mean, it's like there's no question about the two things. She can be in movies where she fucking kicks total ass and also she can be in movies that she's just totally carrying. Yes. You know what I mean? Like

those kill boom, those kill boom movies I think are great, but like she is those movies. Without Uma Thurman, those movies are definitely not as good. Oh, for sure. Definitely. Nothing. Nothing is there in Pulp Fiction as well. She's like that movie is iconic for reason and she's pretty much the reason you know what i mean like or one of the big reasons it's

like those scenes that she has are those that's the iconography of the film and it's like holy shit you know um oh and she also uh you know for the short time that she's in the movie man uh her role in uh the house that jack built oh also also memorable dude that movie is quite something it is yeah um but like yeah i'm just like looking at what all she's been in like in the last few years like what does anybody know the existence of this movie the con is on oh no i hope not it's her tim roth stephen fry's slumming it in this movie god i was maggie q i looked at the poster and this is a fake movie this is this movie is trying to catfish you like i would not give this there's so much photoshop on this cover i would not like put my uh credit card information

to rent this movie. I just I wouldn't know. Yeah, don't accept that message if the con is on 2018 messages you on Facebook. Nobody's in this. Look at this poster. This is not her. It's one of those things where it's like it's her head on somebody else's body, but maybe the legs aren't even that

person's legs kind of thing. Dude. Oh, and this is the biggest bit of bullshit of the whole thing. So in this, I'm looking at this poster. Okay. And, you know, if you're looking at the names left to right, umma, on the poster Tim Roth on the poster Alice Eve on the poster Sophia Vergara on the poster Maggie Q nowhere to be found on the poster I will Tim Roth on this poster he looks like I don't

know a jack or jack a jack a lantern that you left out for two months what is this fake this weird sag face and that is not his body I mean he's like Chris Hebbler's body I mean come on aren't you excited by the idea of an airport con movie yeah that's now I'll tell you, man, the most presumptuous tagline of all time. And it won't be their last. Hey, you want to put money on that? Let me, since we're talking about it so much, let me read the little log line here in an effort. Holy shit. Crispin Glovers in it too. Sorry. Oh, and Parker Posey. In an effort to avoid paying off a massive gambling debt to a notorious mobster in England.

Another one of these movies. A couple three to Los Angeles and hatch a jewel theft plot. that's exciting actually maybe the con is on as a pretty good movie I'm gonna guess oh did you think this is one of the best movies ever made you think it could be it's exactly one minute longer than this movie I mean the train went off the tracks

I think around my super ex-girlfriend yeah that was a tough one I remember I was in the booth for that back in the day she did that like it was like a couple real bad ones in a row the producers remake that fucking get shorty sequel be cool who saw that in the theater but you can understand why she would have signed on to this project those all paid huge but then like well not just that but like oh they're making another get shorty that is like a huge yeah cool movie maybe yeah i mean you're you're totally you know your total eric is totally right about that because i remember when be cool was announced it was like fuck yeah a continuation of the get shorty world absolutely like and then it turned out to be terrible but at the time but who do you think was saying oh yeah be cool a continuation

10 years after the fact of the Kid Shorty universe. Tons of people that we worked with at the multiplex at the time that that movie came out. And it came out in the mid-aughts. So I feel like you were like ready to, you were ready to like say, okay, it's been 10 years, but maybe this one would work. But also like 2005, the Rock was in that movie. Vince Vaughn, huge at the time. Cedric the Entertainer, Andre 3,000. Like, I totally get why there was hype for that movie.

You tend that to be bad, but... But that's like, all those. Like, if you have a sequel of that size, of course, it's going to have some hype. But like, that doesn't matter. But after that, like, it's like Sundance Lifetime movies. Like, the life, the life before her eyes, the accidental husband, motherhood. I mean, it's just like... Is it proof around here, by the way, I think around the house,

I've been called the accidental husband. Oh, she was in Burnt with Bradley Cooper. I did not know that. It's just like, I mean, she was on my favorite television show of all the time. The Slap. Oh, is that right?

Yeah, she like plays like one of the people that watches that kid get hit at a party. So there you go. I mean, really, you have to imagine how, like, how bleak it must be when the only guy you can really count on to give you a good role is Lars Von fucking Treyer.

Yep. Yep. Yep. I always get these movies mixed up. She's not in proof. She's in prime, FYI. That's the math movie that she's in. Oh, a math movie. You don't say. Well, that's exciting. That's odd. It's just one of those things, man.

She's really great and she just can't, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know why she's not like. She should be. what is this motherhood movie now again i'm sorry i don't want this to turn into the gang reads i mdb like we're talking dude i would rather read i mdb than think about this movie i agree jesus this movie motherhood so terrible umma thurman anthony edwards mini driver i think uh oh who's this old lady she's definitely dead yeah jody foster involved with that in some way she's like a producer or something oh that might be let's because she makes a cameo i've i've seen

motherhood. Oh, good for you. Christine Vashon is a producer on it, but not now. Oh, she's also in movie 43, which I believe the way that movie was cast was they told everybody that they won a boat and they came. And all these actors, like, oh, shit, I want a boat. That's exciting. I didn't know that. And they show up like, oh, actually, just sign this for your boat. It's like, oh, now you've got to be in movie 43. Sorry. By the way, Chris, Jody Foster plays Jody Foster in the movie. And that's it. No producer credit. I think your points for the VHS trailer game.

No forfeit. Oh, okay. Oh, hey, you know who's also in Motherhood with Uma Thurman? Alice Drummond. You guys all know Alice Drummond. She was the librarian at the beginning of Ghostbusters. Oh, of course. Let me ask you this.

Are you menstruating? I mean, so the B part happens. We can talk about that. That's like sort of exciting. Like, that's, they sold this movie on this. B part and it's like three seconds and I kind of don't even understand what they're doing because it's not even weather related it's not weather related it's kind of a bit of bullshit we get Eddie isard controlling the the B swarm and it's chasing their car and it they shoot missiles

and bullets it's kind of confusing of how does operate one like just pick one yeah exactly pick one but this is the most exciting set piece of the movie we do get some cars turning on weird angles and like trying to stay on the road and that's pretty exciting little explosions around it we get it i think there were more interesting car chases in downton abbey you're absolutely right but this is the best we got today on the show and it goes they go through a forest of one of the one of the bees or wasps or whatever these fucking robot things are fly into the back uh of the car uh ray finds like disables one and uses its gun against the others pretty exciting kind of not really it's a cool move that in like literally any other movie you'd be like that was awesome exactly but in this it's just like all right just keep going the sooner you get that gun out of that bee's gut the sooner i can get to the closing credit i was checking my watch throughout the entire film oh yeah and even this like a scene like this even this like the editing is so jarring like when he's like gutting the fucking brobo bee to fucking get its gun like it's like a shaky cam like you can't even tell what's got he's just throwing shit

shit in the air like it's just i i just like there's no way to latch on to anything even in these big action scenes the one action scene this is the one this is this and the end of the two big ones because the next thing that happens is like umma thurman gets kidnapped by sean connery and he drugs her and it's like we're trying to be psychedelic for a little while okay are we we're not psychedelic but like trippy because she keeps like trying to escape but she's in the same room kind of a thing yes yes all of this m c escher yeah You know what it reminded you was the film series Cube?

Yeah, oh dude, I watched Cube 2 HyperCube once. That was something. Oh, boy. Yeah, I, that was like... I never watched any of them, by the way. One of the highest moments of my life was watching Cube 2, HyperCube. I got to say, Eric, you know what? At least give that first Cube movie shot.

All right. Yeah. I'll shoot your cube. Yeah, I got the script for Cube. I said, no, thanks. I better be playing. understand it. Oh, wait a minute. Hang on a second.

Oh, thank you, Storm Chaser. Now I understood the film, Cube. Thanks to my agent Storm Chaser. I'll now be appearing in Cube 3. I think there is some sort of prequel called like Cube Zero or something like that. I never checked it out. A lot of Cube movies. Also, the other thing, man, it's always a sin in

really horrendous movies like this when they have sequences that really make you think about awesome sequences for other movies and this whole like chase through the woods with these cars and the bees and whatnot definitely just reminded me of Return of the Jedi yeah yeah the whole like forest chase on Endor and everything with the speeders and I was like I wonder what Luke Skywalker and all the buddies are up to I think that every second of my life

yeah um they run a foul of uh that old lady with the machine gun from the beginning of the movie and like it turns out she's an agent with them or whatever and she kind of brings them to i guess it's sean connery's house or something yeah wonderful i know it's terrible but i'll tell you what you get the little the gag in here that i was laughing about too when they get on the property there's a little peacock and i was like eh yeah not bad I guess because he's a you can control all the weather so why not?

And then, you know, like you want in a movie like this, you know, people all over the world join hands, enter the love maze, love maze. Dude,

I never heard that expression. It's just like a big old hedge maze that they get into. And they're like, oh, look at this. A love maze. I was like, is that a over there term

for hedge mazes or what? Is there like, Danny? Danny, get in the love maze, Danny. I'm coming for you, Daddy Boy, if I'm loving the maids.

Don't you know that I love you? Now come over here and let me chop your fucking head off. Yeah, love is cold. I can't understand why people like that shining movie that Jack Nicholson character is just so unlikable. It would have been problematic. It would be funny if they did have like a heart in the middle of the hedge maze.

like the middle area where you like finally meet everybody is actually a heart that would make more sense uh Nicole Kidman was uh approached to play Emma Peel she almost took it but she was actually still making eyes wide shut so it's like ah don't want to be one of the worst movies ever or a really great book ah fuck what I want to do uh uh well I'll do it talent permitting okay talent needed me so no um so like um yeah umma like falls through the ground or something right here. Like in the hedge maze. This, around here, I don't remember what the situation is,

but it's Sean Connery, this I believe was a trailer line where he like I think he gets up in Ray finds his face and he's like, rain or shine, all is my. Oh, dude. Woof. Yeah. That was, I think, part of his big, like, speech

to the, it's not the UN, but it seems like it, right? It's sort of He does make a similar speech to a Yeah, it's not the UN because we're in England. It's just like a meeting of world leaders that's in some building for some reason. I would have at least liked to see the scenes of him in the mirror beforehand. Well, uh, hmm. Well, if it's, ah, it's gonna snow and it's gonna blow.

God damn it, that's not good. You're gonna be the wave of the future. Wave of the future. Wave of the future. You're a fucking star. You're a fucking star. Take out my big fucking Willie. Yeah, you're a star.

My big rubber cock. He's dressed in like the full like, I guess, Scottish regalia. And this, like this scene, I mean, that him talking to these world leaders, that was like the trailer. Like, and it was like there was hype for this movie based on this scene. And it's one of the better scenes of the movie. Not that it's good. Because it's the most that he, no, it's not good. But it's like, it's the most.

that Sean Connery gets all his like puffy chested Sean Conneryness out into the film it's the only time he's like actually used correctly basically exactly because the rest of the movie doesn't know what to do with him and he's not going to tell you what to do with him he doesn't know and that's I was I remember the trailer and I was like oh this is the Sean Connery Kilt movie right and like he's barely wearing that

tilt come on yeah it's also one of the few scenes where you fucking understand what he's talking about and what's going on Put that killed on. Put that killed on. There is because there's like there's so many moments

in this movie, not just ouma Thurman's character because it happens to Ray Fines also, but like between the two of them, they are getting knocked on conscious and waking up in other places so many times that I can't tell which time is which,

but there's one time where she gets knocked out again. She wakes up like back at Ray finds his place and he's like, like, oh, those boots that I ordered for you came in. And dude, I think special guest director, Quentin Tarantino right here. She was like, you got to go to my man QT for this fucking

foot scene with these boots, baby. There was one moment where she escapes Sean Connery's marble palace by jumping through a mirror that is a window that was painted over. Yes, that's what it is. When she escapes the, like, the cube house, she jumps

through a window. And Ray finds it's just like standing outside, like, the glass break like oh how fortunate there she is and yes that's how they then wind up back at his house with this boot scene but like again yeah it's it's so hard to follow sorry no we just also get like like ray finds visits the invisible man and it's like i understand how exciting that would be but uh this is something that could have been on the cutting room floor and maybe we put in more plotty stuff well then you'd have to find somewhere else for this voice actor here because this is Patrick McNee

the fucking OG John Steed from the show. Oh, and some old septuagenarian was jerked off in the theater when he saw him, I guess. Absolutely. There he is. There's the one. Where's my willy pill? I can't hear,

but I read about it. Good for you. Oh, I'm dead. And this invisible man, you know, he works in like the archives of I think the organization is just called the ministry is that right just the ministry yeah making me think about professional wrestling again or ministry great band oh sure yeah some of their early work i would be more into yeah

don't know that i've ever heard a song by ministry they're good check out their early work i think with sympathy is worth a spin all right um but yeah so he like works in these archives and this is like ray find's kind of going to do some research and it's kind of one of the only moments in the movie we get any sort of helpful exposition but it's like too little too late really but it's like there were some cloning experiments that happened and Sir August

was a part of those and so like that closes the book on fucking cloning in this movie like it doesn't really go you know any farther than that there is though oh man I kind of like because this is where it's like oh yes Sir August very much used to be

in with the ministry there is a hilarious bad Photoshop photo of Connery and Fiona Shaw. Did you catch that really quickly like in these archives? It looks so bad. It's just not. Just take a picture of them together. I know like get him for another day or like have them have lunch and be like take the picture out you know like secretly if that's the case. Yep exactly because like in that Photoshop they're not made to look any younger so it's totally irrelevant. Take a picture of them eating lunch. You're absolutely right. They look like jib jabs. They like they cut off the heads from promotional pictures and put them on like a Pfizer

promo image. Like, oh yes, you can use a picture of me in a promo photo from my great film Medicine Man. Better movie than this. Absolutely. Much better. It would be funny if he had one with very long hair like that. That would be amazing.

I would love that. All my porny tail days. I was a hippie back in the day. Sorry. Oh, you know, of course, I discovered the cure for cancer. Now, where did I put That is one cocktail napkin That character should have held on to But yeah

And then so like this is this is where Connery is also at the same time making that speech And this is like Man like the the production design in this movie isn't terrible But there are some bad decisions like here There's like Jim Broadbent as this mother character Watching Sean Connery on a bunch of like monitors that are all the exact same thing but it kind of just looks like Jim Broadbent is watching Sean Connery Daley's like yes it just is so totally bizarre and then you think

like well just from like what you're looking at where are the cameras in this room why are all these monitors of different sizes for some reason it's like he's in like an old TV repair shop or something and there's just all these monitors around I don't get it it's like a Terry Gilliam image like it's like you stacked them up on each other of different sizes like that it doesn't make like this it's not a dilapidated society it's you're just the ministry

dude but he does have a funny line here though uh I don't remember what this is in response to but Connery just yells oh do shut up which is great uh so he gives these guys this is really the only kind of like timetable

you have in the movie because he's like okay here's my James Bond villain plan I am going to sell you the weather. So do with that what you will. But I'm going to give you till midnight tonight to make this decision. And like, I don't even know what this is supposed to be, but all of a sudden there's just a globe in the room that Sean Connery bats like a huge beach ball or something and it like goes right to the camera. He also terrible. He has, he has a collection of them. He's a big collector of snow gloves. Yeah, on his on. Yeah, he does. No, no, no, but like a globe, not a slow

snow globe the actual globe yes yes yeah he bats it you know his staff also has the globe on it so there's there's been a bit of globing with him but when he when he hits it and it goes towards the camera and he's like saying like and you have until midnight or whatever to like pay him or whatever and then when it hits the camera you hear him go tonight just sure you know that's midnight All right, I'll do the ADR, but it'll cost you 40 bucks. All right. I guess it's unclear. Tonight.

It's framed like people are like, well, does he mean midnight tonight? Or did you mean midnight a few days from now? Oh, my God, was it midnight this morning? Oh, my God. No, no, tonight. Tonight. Now give me my $40 so I can buy me a steak. yeah man oh so she

she fucking goes unconscious again somehow and umma thurman wakes up in a big old hot air balloon that's a thing and that's a thing and this is like this is like where two of the villains of this film are dispatched straight to hell and you can't even tell that one of them died but first mother wakes mother realizes the plot and we get like mother and father

you know, Fiona Shaw fighting a little bit and it's just full of atrocious fucking dialogue like oh well mother knows best and then like when father best's mother it's not really Mother's Day now is it or

yeah a lot of that but I do love what Jim Broadbett is bested by Fiona Shaw he just kind of sits on his back and he's just kind of smoking the rest of the movie no this is what I deserve to die out here on the street

leave me alone so we got that may freeze to death like a dickens character thank you so andrew you were talking about the hot air balloon and now at this point like it's snowing throughout london and and and and we even see some tornadoes just hanging out in the rivers or lakes or oceans that are nearby I don't know what you guys are doing uh yeah it's it's really dumb there's like tornadoes across the thames and whatnot and so it's umathurman the clone of emma peel and father, Fiona Shaw, like in this hot air balloon, Emma Peel escapes. And so

the clone drives the hot air balloon like into a big sign for that niche weather company. And the thing explodes. And I'm like, oh yeah. So I guess Fiona Shaw was also on that balloon. So she's dead too. Like they just don't, the movie never really acknowledges correctly that she dies. If you have a fucking clone, that is the evil version of someone, I need more time with that clone.

I need to understand any of that motivation. And much like Eddie Izard's character, it doesn't speak throughout the entire movie. Yeah. And like, you don't, like, yeah, maybe a cool fight. There's sort of a fight, but like all the fights are really,

really bad in this movie. Yes. And so like, you know, Umma Thurman versus Uma Thurman, that's kind of cool, right? And the clone motivation could be like, if I kill you, I can actually live your life.

life. Otherwise, I'm like in this nether space. Exactly. But because that clone doesn't talk, you don't know anything about what it's taking. It's honestly aggravating. I was wondering during the start for like the first 30 or 40 minutes, you don't know it's a clone. And I was like, is Sean Connery turning into? Is it like magic clamor? What's going on here? I just go into my phone booth and turn into Ouma Tharman. How disturbing is that? He just does the Mission Impossible face. Oh, yeah, dude. We're ripping off masks just like that movie.

And suddenly when I ripped this off, I gained 30, 50, 100 pounds. And I'm shorter for some reason. You're going for a close-up on that one, I think. That's how you get that one. Yeah, I guess that one wouldn't work. But I would love to know literally anything about this clone character, which is now dead. No, the clone fucking. the whole fucking attitude

of the movie is you'll get nothing and like it the clone was wearing what I I'm going to put this on a quotation marks is wearing the iconic cat suit that Emma Peel wears right and then later in the movie Umma Thurman, the Mappeal character is just wearing it so like did she take it off the clone's

dead body? When did she get? Dude I think I think she stripped that corpse because I was I was going through the timeline Steve and I was like where did she get that jumps suit, if not tearing it off the dead body of that corpse. I mean, whenever you're

presented with a corpse, definitely scravage whatever you can use. Totally. See what's in that wallet, dude? They don't need it. And also, like, yeah. If you find a clone that is wearing an outfit that you like, you are well within your rights to kill that clone and take that outfit. 100%. Yeah.

Yeah, that person can be naked in a coffin. You know, it'll fit. Exactly. I really do wish we had gotten, like, the Ken Russell cut of this where, like, stuff like that's happening, but also we find out Sean Connery's weird obsession with Uma Thurman wife.

Like, all that stuff suggests such a more perverted, like the guy collects snow globes and is obsessed with Uma Thurman, who might be his wife or maybe not. There's such a weird fucking guy here, and I don't know nothing about him. It sounds like a lot of, a lot of people out

there, to be honest. Really? Yeah, of course. The weirdos out there, my lord, they're listening now. We've already said, too much. But so when, when, you know, Steed gets up to her and finds her alive

and everything, this is where they just start making out and you're like, definitely not. And then when they stop kissing, he's like, oh, I was kissing you to make sure you were the right Emma Peel. Yeah. And I want like some like old British

haughty, but I cannot believe this movie was terrible, but they're not supposed to kiss. that's not that's not my peel and steed my my son did not die in the falkland islands for this he didn't die for much man yes he did he actually he died exactly for this i don't know man so like they they infiltrate his thing and basically she's going to fight eddie isard and he's going to fight uh sean connery and she fights Eddie isard it is a quick it's almost something but like they're on a bunch of wires and like Eddie

is it just falls to her death it says fuck so cool that's something and I mean this is again if this character we're speaking yes this is something right because you can imagine you know Eddie's uh you know run in her mouth right here you know being Eddie and then like umma thurman is retorting and whatnot and it could be like a thing but it's just not because this character is fucking mute except they're actually not because they say oh fuck at the end it's all for nothing like you because it's not a joke

like just saying oh fuck as your only line is not a joke like the thing is you have Izard make like some fucking ridiculous face and the character falls to its death and that's you know what I mean and stay within the joke because it's so not funny

that's the thing it is but it is that is the joke I'm sorry like the whole character is leading up to that joke. All you needed was a face somebody would recognize enough to keep up with that character through the movie and then they had to say fuck and that's about it. I think they were like

they probably before Eddie Isard was cast they probably cast like just one of those like nothing faces from those early Guy Ritchie movies and then it was like oh well it's only going to be funny if a known personality perhaps even indeed a famously

articulate motor mouth plays this character. You know who's imposing when he's quiet, Jason Statham. Sure. He would have been fine in that role, honestly. Yeah, you can't get that guy to shut up, though. Unless he says the better, man. And Jason Statham should be seen and not heard. I very much agree.

That's why I think he'd be perfect for it, honestly. So, yeah, like, so Connery fighting with fines here, he causes like a massive storm in this, like, I don't know, silo, where this device is being kept or some shit? I do like the line like, oh, what's your name? Steed? Sound like a horse's ass. Oh, what a horse's

ass for a name. Kind of the only time I was like, all right, screenplay. That's it. Yeah, and it was a fucking improved line too. So you're only another $30,000.

this is like you get during this end sequence there's a lot of shit that just made the trailer including like one of Sean Connery's things is like he's throwing darts at people in this movie and he tries to throw a bunch at Ray finds it hits the hat and he's like you're going to pay for that or whatever like that's in the trailer also like the weather storm outside is doing crazy shit including like again this is like these fucking Hollywood production designers being like all right so what uh what's something these fucking tea drinkers recognize. Oh, what's that big clock that they got? Look at that big clock fucking blow it up. Yeah. Because like Big Ben just explodes and that was like all over the trailer. It was Big Ben exploding. With this lightning bolt going through it.

They should have blown up the Queen Mum. Yeah. Get her ass out of there. You see Buckingham in the background unscathed as usual. I bet you that was on the cutting room floor, Eric. What if they killed Prince Philip early, you know, 20 years earlier? Save a lot of fucking

trauma that's for sure yeah get out of the way that's the thing is dying early is underrated there is a funny moment in this fight though where it's like when they're when they're doing like some of the very brief like hand to hand

combat between the two guys and like Ray finds elbows Sean Connery in the back yes there's a lot of a really solid like ac me back he's like really pounded on the back too like really punching it it it's really kind of funny And you get those classic, the classic lines of dialogue from this movie, like,

Time to Die. Yeah. And then, like, Ray finds just jumps down to, like, a lower platform. And Sean Connery has to be like, oh, okay, I got to go down the stairs and I'll fight you down there now. Yeah, I'm going to take the stairs. I mean, like, what should have happened in this scene is Sean Conner, like, cut Steed's face and, like, it opens up and he's a robot. Like, oh, that makes all this, like, he's like a Terminator, you know what I mean? Like, he's a secret terminator the whole time.

Cologne should have been a robot. I'm going to say it. No, that's easier to stomach. Clones are just too specific. Also, if you're manipulating the weather, it seems more sciencey, roboty, than it does human cloning. Yeah. No, I think you're totally right, man,

because that's like this organization, now, this ministry, whatever, you got one too many fingers and one too many pies here. You know what I'm saying? Stick to, like, mechanics and robots. Don't get into, like, biological shit. it just doesn't make any sense.

I don't, I don't even get a scene where, like, we get, like, the clone, Umah Thurman, like, walking out of a port, like, from the, whatever clone, what she was cloned from, and, like, she's got, like, something odd. Like, a robot face would be 10 times easier. Just, like, peel it back, robot, peel it back. Like, that's easy. It's over. And then it's like a Bill and Ted robot face underneath.

You know what I mean? Ooh, yeah, totally. That would be awesome. I mean, yeah, now that would be awesome. Otherwise, I need a Judge Dread-esque fucking cloning facility at least. Exactly. Yeah. Well, you know, and that's when, dude, you get some serious cinematic universe crossover here.

You get Harris Eulen for multiplicity. And he comes over and he's like, oh, you see there. Probably have here with these English clones is you don't have one that's the workaholic, the one that's the beefcake man, the stupid one and the gay one. Which is the whole thesis of multiplicity? This one is into tea more than normal. All right. All right.

I'll program him to say, Crump it. This one here, he really loves soccer. Or as you call it, football. Oh, great. Hold on one second.

I'm getting a call from Quentin Tarantino. No, you can't have Uba Thurban's clone. Just be feet. It doesn't make any sense. I don't know what a bendover is, but that can't be legal. Listen,

You buy the whole thing. You're not getting a discount. Just because you want the feet. Oh, five years ago, I took a job from him. I made a person completely out of feet for him, specifically for him. He keeps in his basement. Hands, feet, legs, feet, face, feet. Terseal feet.

Next thing I knew, it totally blew up. Got a phone call from the NFL's Rex Ryan. Now I'm just making feet people. Feetal, as I call them. army of fetal. Oh, fetal. And this one is so fat, we call it a fetal pig.

And they will rule over my feetom. And it will truly be a planet of feet. Oh, planet of feet. Finally, I'm home. He actually didn't like it that much. It turns out when you make a person completely out of feet, you can't really step on

anything. Oh, what's, what's this? the ancient prophecy when the when the world is all feet the rivers will run red with what way red red white with cum uh-huh indeed yeah if you get red cum there's some problems when hell is full feet fetal will rule the world oh man you know what so the shod connery dies really coolly here yes and as i as i was saying the reason for my one star rating on letterbox is his death because like Ray finds impales him with Sean Connery's own staff which then conducts lightning he's doing a little bit

of a skeletoning out but not as much as there should be like a quick like the lightning the lightning just like steals him up into the sky or so yeah he flies up into the sky and it is like a like a quickening of some kind of like a bad quickening well they kind of take him out like a Terminator a little bit like he's just a 65 year old man you'll just shoot him in the heart you'd like stab him and get him with electricity yeah just impaling

with your stupid umbrella or whatever the fuck Ray finds the storm eats him like the fucking thunder comes up and like scoops him up and eats the cloud fucking shows him up and by the way it's not that it matters that this fight I guess is like an island in London

that's not I don't know it's part of his compound or something anyway it gets lit up and that's that yes massive explosion because there's of course like umathurman turns off the machine but then it kicks into some like self-destruct thing and she's she has some line that i feel like really spoke to me as an audience member because she turns to ray finds and is like you've got to be kidding me and i was like oh interesting umotherman that's what i've been saying this whole movie but yeah it just blows up and then like immediately like they get into this like you know the little bubble control center and you don't know what

happened to them and then it's like jim broadband on the horn with the prime minister like yeah don't worry we definitely fucking killed that wiley scotsman uh haven't heard from my people yet yada yada bubble comes up in the middle of the thames and starts like floating you know uh under tower bridge there and everything and you're like all right end of the movie but then it's like there's this two second little epilogue where they're on a random rooftop this gorgeous flowery rooftop with Jim Broadbent. The two of them

are wearing white and there's flowers everywhere and there's Jim Broadbent as like the older figure and I was like, is this some bullshit wedding scene we're watching right now? Luckily it's not but it's like close enough because they clearly, they fucked that bubbles way back up to the

surface for sure. Definitely I thought it was a wedding scene and I rewound it and I read Wikipedia to confirm it wasn't but it kind of looks like one. It definitely does like just the wardrobe and the flowers and you're outside and whatever so like it's not really

a you know you're not going to believe this but it's still in a way like this is just the first of many wild adventures for the Avengers many of these people. Also are they called the Avengers at any point? I don't think so. No they're just sort of like you know they're there

it literally is just steed and peal. Yeah, dude, I love their sketch about Gremlins, too. That's the end of this fucking piece of shit movie. I kind of know what everyone's going to say, but Steve will start with you, recommendations and final thoughts. Oh, Lordy, no, no, no, no, no. It's just, it's, it's, it's, it's super dull and two actors I really like, and, you know, three, put in, no, I actually, I like most of the cast, I like Fiona Shaw, I like.

It's a great cast, yeah, exactly. I love, I mean, we haven't talked a ton about him, but Ray Fines is usually excellent and awesome. I haven't been this bored since by a movie since Spider, huh gang? Anybody? Is that a good movie? I haven't watched it forever. It's a good movie, Steve. Okay, it's been, it's been.

But it's a movie where I watched it as a year. Exactly. Because you know what it was, Cabin? Was that was right when Cronenberg was making a turn from like, I'm making exclusively David Cronenberg esk movies. And I was at the time, like, that ain't my

Cronenberg. Yeah. You know, so I do want to go back to it, but at the time I remembered Steve also not like it. Anywho, yeah, I also wanted this movie to be sillier because it's got that reputation of being one of the worst movies ever made. You're like, oh, well, it's not even a seeing as believing. Just like really stay clear. There's nothing

here. Yeah, totally. Chris Cabin. Oh, yeah. I forgot like, looking back at it, I just didn't understand how inept it was even the last time whenever I saw it was. Like, I was like, oh yeah, that's definitely a bad movie. I remember seeing it thinking it was a bad movie, but like,

how deeply wrong it is. It's almost like a snowman thing where I'm like, I don't understand what's going on. And I don't know where I'm at. Like, I was searching the whole time. And it also has that fake,

Bertany feel a little bit that we're still getting, like this in the shadow, both were like working through some shit that just didn't work out. And yeah, a terrible movie. Don't see it.

Eric Siska. Yeah, I think this is one of the worst movies we've ever done. I would add it to the Pantheon, including the pest and ultraviolet. It's just, there's just nothing here. I don't like it.

Don't watch it. I think it's a thing where, you know, I don't agree with those folks that are like, oh, it's, I'm putting on my list of, like, the worst movies ever made. Because I feel like with studio chop jobs, that kind of disqualifies it. But at the same time,

this, Chris, I'm glad you brought up Snowman Mr. Police I gave you all the clues because that's another movie where it's like it was just such a disaster

you really like society would have been better off if you just shelved it and that's what this is it's like the world would not have blinked we would not have missed a rotation around the sun

if this movie had never come out no one would have been disappointed you know what I mean and it's like if you're going to butcher a movie this much you're going to butcher your product like eat shit Warner Brothers like no way you should have put this movie out like it is terrible

yes the Marvel Avengers is a better movie thank you it is it's still not a movie I care for but it's better than this obviously because it's at least a movie that's put together properly you know what I mean and like there's nothing I hate worse than a squandered cast and top to bottom everybody's here is wasted so like yep I agree with everybody here I agree with Steve it's not a seeing his believing do not bother if you haven't. I will say the I tried to watch this once before I rented it. I fell

asleep with the rented DVD and when I you know the next day I just took it back to the you know maybe someday I'll have some show and I'll have to talk about it but right now in 1999 I'm returning you to Blockbuster Oh and that's it folks that is the end of Sean Gone month

but this has been fun man reignited my love for Highlander I don't know well We'll come back to some Connery movies. Oh, for sure. One movie you guys should all seek out is a movie called Outland, which is Sean Connery in Space. It's definitely an episode, but it's on the L.A.

It's like a Highlander LH kind of a situation. I've been circling it. I've been circling it. So I definitely got to check it out. It's a dad movie, man. It's basically high noon in space with Sean Connery. It's like almost exactly. Is that not directed by O.J. Simpson's best friend Peter Heim's.

I believe it is indeed Oh Oh right Yeah by the way Dude to be known as OJ Simpson's best friend That's a problem Who else is in that movie Steve Anybody have known or is it just the Connery show

It's mostly the Connery show There's other like character actors I want to say that show up But not like hold on pulling up right now Peter Boyle is like the bad guy That's right Oh now we're talking All right well now I'm definitely sold

But yeah Sean Gone Month was a lot of fun If you haven't soaked up All of Sean Gone Month because, of course, over on Patreon, we do have a We Love Movies episode on Goldfinger. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. Got a lot going on there this month, including it dropped last week, gang, the first ever once in a lifetime.

We're talking stalked by my doctor with Eric Roberts. That's a wild ride right there. Quite a messy listen. We get quite wild in that one, I will say. I think all these left-time ones are going to be adults only, FYI. Yeah, totally. don't listen to that one in the car with the kids that's all i have to say um but of course the nexus will be coming out in short order uh what the hell was the ad this month the mighty ducks uh yeah the mighty

ducks we also have gold finger on the w lm feed yeah we got a lot of exciting stuff on there the gleep glossary where we read about star wars characters you might have forgotten this month is the goat face three eyedman from Jabba's sail barge I believe but sail barge indeed dude yeah he was part of the crew at the palace all them scumbags

but he was the one they hated the most tragic life of course Melrode 210 already out we are enjoying the Patreon journey there again with our favorite LA Wunderkins and weird mid-20s pseudo

adults. But as always here on We Hate Movies, the show rolls on even though Sean Gone Month, the sun is setting on it. We are kicking off a new month next week. And Steve, what is going on? Next week will be the first time I ever watch Stargate. What?

Yes, dude. Holy shit. Okay, yeah. Stargate is a movie that I remember being one of the best movies in the 90s when I was a kid. I'm sure it doesn't hold up, but Kurt Russell's in it and Russell rules. It's a little long in the tooth, but you got James Spader playing like a nerdy guy with long hair.

I'm very stoked to revisit this one. Is this also, I mean, because it's May, this is the kickoff of our summer blockbuster extravagant. We do that in June. It's kind of, yeah. Well, it's kind of the same thing. It's the same. I mean, we do have a lot of great titles coming out in June and May, by the way. Yeah, we might as well be.

We are stacked throughout this summer. And I'll, I will drop a hint. there will be a Kurt Russell on the WLM as well by the way that's right look at that shit I'll say about Stargate it's a movie that I rented on VHS and like the weekend

that I rented it I watched it like five times. Opening night packed house really that's awesome dude I got to say I haven't seen it in a really long time there was a time maybe like two years ago I tried to rewatch it complete green out situation and I never went back but

it was a movie that like little like preteen Andrew was obsessed with for a while. I think Richard Kind is in it. Let me check. Ooh, I like that. He might be in the early part. Like when the scientists. Yes, he's one of the know-it-all.

Yeah, he is in it. Yeah, he's one of the... But James Spader's like, oh, you forgot to do the... Oh, what are you talking about? I didn't do that. Dude, we got French Stewart. It's a stacked cast. Wow, French Stewart is a science fiction film.

Yes. Besides, a science fiction film, besides his sitcom which was science fiction and it's specter gadget too and some would argue home alone three that's what the one he was in all right look you know what second shot i'm a little off my game but everyone should get that second shot because it's going to feel great when i go to the fucking movie theater absolutely there it is folks so until next week when we cross dimensions i'm andrew stephen say that eric ciska chris gabin take it easy That was a hit-gum podcast.