We Hate Movies - S11: Episode 549 - The Mighty Ducks

Episode Date: May 25, 2021

On this week's episode the gang is back together in the studio to reminisce about the 90's kid classic, The Mighty Ducks! How many kids' films start with the protagonist getting slapped with a dooey? Why does M.C. Gainey's character always have that camcorder? And is Charlie trying to get Bombay laid? PLUS: The return of the VHS Trailer Game! The Mighty Ducks stars Emilio Estevez, Joss Ackland, Lane Smith, Heidi King, Josef Sommer, Joshua Jackson, Elden Henson, Shaun Weiss, M.C. Gainey, Matt Doherty, Brandon Adams, Aaron Schwartz, Marguerite Moreau, and Danny Tamberelli; directed by Stephen Herek. Check out WHM at FRQNCY in June! Catch WHM on tour this fall, hopefully! WHM Merch Store Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, quack, quack, quack, quack, indeed. It's the Mighty Docs. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Seda. Eric Siska. Chris Quacken. And we're back in the studio. Chris Cabin, if you fuck up this shot, you're not going to let me down. You can let your whole team down.

It all rides on Chris Cabin on his little shoulders. The podcast, will it be good? That is what it rides on. I shouldn't have tried meth for the first time before doing this. Oh, fuck, oh, fuck, I'm sweating. I'm sweating. Oh, no, I let him down. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hey Movies.

Thank you for tuning in. As always, you heard straight folks for the first time and shit, what, 14 months? All four of us are back in the same room. I'm looking at the faces of my friends. I'm loving it. It's so weird, man. I am a little freaked out, man. Yeah. It's been like 430 days or something. That's wild. You never know. Because we gave you podcasts all through this quarantine, baby. That's true. Yes. A time to strut.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. A victory lap in this shit. Sure. Let's let people know that we, you know, we're doing this safely. We were all fully vaccinated. Absolutely. And we want to encourage people to get fully vaccinated. That's right.

We can fucking go on tour. It depends on you assholes. It does. It really does. give this is like the calm before a really shitty storm it's going to suck but i will take a victory lap for one thing because i think early on people were like you know what movie you guys should do and this like march like 20 20th like you guys should do outbreak wouldn't that be wild oh man i'm so fucking glad we didn't do out no absolutely not we will do it eventually but not not not for this

no no no well it was all the people that watched that fucking sodaberg movie that was like you know we should watch right now is that sodaberg movie that's also like outbreak but not What's that? I can't think of it. Contagion. Thank you. Great movie, but yeah, not appropriate to just be like, yeah, watch this movie while people are dying. Yeah, absolutely not. Not a fun one.

Not the thing to be relating to at the moment. And it's also just not funny. It's not a fucking funny thing. Let's troll the world by doing contagion. Excellent idea. Doesn't affect me. Oh, wait, it does. But yeah, so, you know, I don't know what the hell we're going to get up to today.

Technically, on the docket is the might. Ducks from 1992 directed by Stephen Harrick. Now, I wanted to point this out to you guys. This is a fucking filmography. Oh. From this guy. Check this shit out. Critters. Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. Don't tell mom

the babysitters. The three musketeers that featured Charlie Sheen, Keefer Sutherland, Chris O'Donnell and Oliver Platt. Oh, yeah. Mr. Holland's opus, the live action 101 Dalmatians. Holy Man. This guy's got golden toilets. Rockstar.

life or something like it and the definite stay tuned in a half 2005 is man of the house. Oh, boy. I don't think the 90s could have happened without Stephen Herrick. Like, I don't know what we would have just skipped to the O's probably. Just right to, there'd be no movies for 10 years.

The guy who wrote it is the guy who directed heavyweights. Stephen Brill, major player on the Adam Sandler scene. Another major stay tuned at some point and it will be grotesque to listen to what heavy weights? Yeah. Yeah. I've still never seen heavyweights. Oh. What? What? I mean, it was just, I was a little fat.

A little fat kid. Like, I don't want to watch like a little, yeah. I know they win, but I'm never going to win. So what do I care? It's worth it for Ben Stiller, right? Yeah. I mean, I think it's a funny movie, but I do understand, well, how it would be like a Lars von Trier movie for little fat kids to be watching, like, them smearing fudge sauce and marshmallows all over their face. But at the same time, though, me as little fat kid in like 1995, When that movie came out, I was like, fucking suckers. Well, I just, it was always one of those things when, like, fat kid movies came out, like Angus or whatever.

Like, oh, yeah. I was just always like, that's going to be trouble. Stop. Stop stirring the pot. Just keep your eyes down. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you know, I don't need to be called Angus or heavyweights or whatever. You're right.

Because I watched Angus and it put ideas in my head that I shouldn't have been there. No, you can't get the girl, you fucking idiot. So you only went after girls who survived. Jurassic Park. Yes, yes, Laura Dern. What is the, the stellar thing about Angus, though? It's got like a real rockin' soundtrack. Oh, yeah.

It has one of the best Goo Goo Doll songs ever on it. Which one? It's called Ain't Unusual. Oh. It was the old, it was a B-side. Ain't unusual to be loved. I think that's probably when they were more of a punk band, I'm guessing, because they used to, they were like a punk band.

Yeah, they were a lot harder. Yes. It was more harder than the usual. Ask your grandparents. Also, before we get two out of line here, I just want to hit play really quickly. Fuck. Coming soon to theater.

It's a VHS trailer game live and in person. That's so weird. I have to watch myself be disenfranchised. Now, listen, everybody, Eric, I, I, I, I, I, I, you know, congratulations, this is your victory speech. No, no, no, no, no, no. I just wanted, I let them know that, like, when you came, I, I, you had a lot of stipulations. You searched me.

You searched my bag. Yeah, you got wanded hard. It turned out you forgot your fucking buzzer, dude. I did. I forgot my buzzer. I think it's disqualified. It should be. The technicality right there.

It sounds a little drunk. Why don't you put the speaker towards the microphone speaking of drunk? Oh, this. Yeah. There you go. We did it. Full disclosure. We had a few beers before this together.

Oh, yeah. I was smoking weed in Central Park earlier. So I'm just letting you know I got this handicap. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. You just smoke weed before a podcast for the first time? Strange. That's going to be wild.

Well, this is kind of the first time. I usually save it for after. Drunk while we're recording. Jesus Christ, my man. That's normal. Now, all right. So Chris Cabin, your buzzer sounds like an 85-year-old man farting. Yes.

Let's do that again. You want me. You get it. Yeah, there you go. Now Eric Siska. And now me. All right. So then this is the VHS trailer game.

as you all know, America's favorite game about Arcane Materials. Yeah, so the way it works is I'm going to ask, I'm going to give five clues each round. Once someone guesses in that round, they are out and they cannot guess again until the next round. I always do this big spiel and everybody gets out on the first clue anyway. Nobody gives a shit. But I will say, we're getting close here.

And this is the final, where it's May. It's May in August, we're going to do the final VHS trailer game. and then the winner will be crowned in September. Yep. Unbelievable, Chris. So are we going to do so like the start of season 12 is when we'll crown the winner? Yes. And I think probably between that, because we'll have a little level of a layoff,

whomever wins. Wait, what? Am I getting fired? Oh, man, I can't believe you told him on the air. That's fucked up. The, uh, Eric, um, the podcast didn't perform quite as well as we wanted last quarter. So, um, hi, this is uncomfortable. Boy, this happens a lot.

If there's any other movie podcast, reach out. No, but so, yeah, but I think in August, I think in September I'd like to come back with the cameo ready to go as the crown the winner. Gotcha. Because that's the prize is you get to use the WHM Slush Fund to get your own cameo. I'm talking too long because we're in studio.

And it's kind of weird. It is weird talking to you three. that's why I wanted to just hang outside folks in home not to give away too much about my location I have a little like outdoor terrace we were drinking some beers hanging out I wanted to just hang because

I don't know how to talk to anybody that's not Chelsea it's very very weird and I just wish I brought like some batons and bear mace so we're in person could just stop the steel okay sure

this steel thing okay so three three rounds this time around just the FYI. One of these is a previous episode. Oh shit. Now, quick question though. Was it the first one? Did you

did you get shafted by the VHS tape or were the actual trailers on the tape? This is not YouTube material? Excellent question. I got two of these from the VHS tape and I got one from a VHS reel on YouTube which is called like a demo tape which I guess went to critics or whatever because like

that had like all. sorts of crazy shit, like the gun and Betty Lou's handbag. This movie Serafina, if you remember that kind of, that Wippy Goldberg movie. Oh shit. And all this stuff, I was like, none of this is going to play in this room. But I got one, so two and then one. All right. I mean, one of these is a previous episode. Game Master's Clue. A cross-country animal

adventure. One might even call it an incredible. I got Chris Cabin. Larger than life. Correct. Oh, no. Did you have it before me? Okay. Are you sure? No, no, no, no, no. I've got to go back to the tape. It's tough. You know what? I'm going to do it for the first time ever because it's in studio. We do a coin flip. Oh, a coin flip. Oh, wow. Okay. Eric, you can call it. Yeah, the view. Heads. It is tails. Of course it is. I'm showing people. It's tail. A rigged quarter. Andrew, do you know what it is? Born to be wild?

Incorrect. Son of a bitch bastard. Homeward bound. That is five big points. Oh, motherfuckers. Now we're talking. The trivia was that this was one of Don Amici's final movies before his death, the year of the film's release. That's right, because when they made Homeward Bound 2 lost in San Francisco, dude doing a Domimichi impression.

Oh, wow. Yeah, which is just like an old man. Don Michi was very old because he aged in dog years. Oh, yes. True. Why didn't you just get Brian Denehy at that point? I don't know, because there's like a gentle sign to Don Amici that Brian Denehy, I mean, beautiful man, of course, but portrayals on the screen, a lot of gruff stuff. Oh, come on. That dog was a stone cold killer.

Brian Denahey would voice like a garbage truck or something. It's going to be awesome. All right. I'm going to smush this dresser. Brian Denehy. Give me your garbage. Cuckrudge Game Master's Clue Round 2, here we go All right

A faithful yet irreverent adaptation of a classic Victorian story led by a WHM favorite A faithful yet irreverent adaptation of a classic Victorian story led by a WHM

favorite Oh wow You know we always guess on the first thing maybe we should force this J-Master to give us another clue. Oh, it's we now. Oh, we're all working against the game. Now that I'm a high roller.

Okay, good. Fucking heart eight over here, man. Philip Baker Hall's going to tell you how to beat the trailer game. All right. So WHM favorite. All right. So this is the last time I'm going to say it, and then I will move on. Okay, fair enough.

A faithful yet irreverent adaptation of a Victorian classic story led by a W.H.M. Favorite. Lead is the problem. Starring. Oh, no, I know. Your backtrack and your clue. No, I mean, I don't know. I don't know.

Now that I'm thinking about it, that's a little weird. Can I ask as a favorite, like, we all like him or he's or they have appeared? We're making fun of this person a lot. They have appeared on this show quite a bit. I see. Interesting. I feel like people at home right now are screaming in their cars, showers, convenience stores that they're working at.

They're screaming for the VHS trailer game to be over. Yeah, exactly. Where's the fucking show they scream? Tribune trivia. Now we're down to four points. Cool. This movie was originally planned to be a television special. All right.

Okay. TV, well, almost, was supposed to be TV. Victorian. Irreverent. Irreverent. W.H.M. Do you got a dictionary, Andy? It's also a faithful adaptation as well.

Uh-huh. Victorian. Yeah. Yeah. An old Victorian London town. London town. That's what Victorian means. Well, that's Victorian in New England.

That's true. Well, that's true. Well, I'm thinking about the house. When you say Victoria and I start thinking a love craft. Oh, okay. All right. No, yeah. So there you go.

You just beat another clue out of me, Eric. It's also in England. Okay. That's it. We're moving on. I got nothing. We're moving on the tagline, which is hilarious because there is no tagline on the IMDB. But I will say the movie title itself is kind of, they didn't need a tagline for the poster because the movie title was basically the tag.

You know what I mean? You saw this title. Oh, it's that. I'm going to go see. I know exactly that. That's a great clue. I'm just going to guess because I can't take this. The importance of being earnest.

It is incorrect. Hmm. now here Eric and Andrew get your buzzers ready for two big points because yeah sit down Chris

the second star Frank Oz what the fuck Yoda's in this shit people are losing her right now Muppet Christmas Carol there he goes

two points I said at the top one of them was a previous app you know what the Muppets yes Frank Oz is a Muppetman

and I totally forgot I wasn't thinking in terms of WLM is the problem. But at the same time in my head, I was like, oh, well, you know, Victorian Michael Kane. I just didn't do it. Also, I'm on my fourth beer of the afternoon. Make all the excuses you want. Okay.

Final round. Okay. Game Master's Clue. Okay. A family comedy that simultaneously catches in on the popularity of home along and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Family Comedy Home Alone Mixed with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Hmm Is it a little like I don't know I can't ask questions right No but just talk is a little vulgar for family comedy No it's actually not Okay I think it's it's squarely a kids movie But like a gross kids movie attention. I mean, what are you

thinking about? I got a movie in my head. What are the kids? Larry Clark's kids? This is not a this is not a previous episode though. This is not a previous episode. We're now in squarely. I will say another clue just for the gentleman in this room, it's an episode we always kind of circle, oh, should we do it, should we not do?

It's definitely going to be an episode some day. So ninja turt and like slimy men and a little boy that's trying to save his house? All I can say is it cashes in on home alone and the poster that I looked at today but I'm not making this up

says it's home it literally said like some critic is like it's home alone meet Ninja Turtles. Oh wow. So it's like that. What the fuck. Okay. We're going around four here. Sure. Tribune trivia, this is going to help anyone I don't think. When Disney acquired the rights, the distribution rights to the film, the

studio found it too violent. The filmmakers responded by adding cartoon sound effects to less of the violence. The American version of the film also cuts out numerous parts of scenes most likely to secure a PG rating that I feel like is really weird to me but uh...

Ooh, okay. Ah, Disney. Disney. Someone getting kicked in the nuts. You hear a booy-yoing sound kind of a thing. Fuck my face. All right. All right.

So tagline down to three points. There's three because they're all, none of them actually help. Action at its best. No. This one has to be an IMDB miss fuck up. Disney's new or a big shot a Bruce Lee for young people

and then coming at you. Okay. All right. So it's clearly like a Disney or like a Buena Vista Touchstone Pictures property. Ninja turtles and Home Alone.

All right. Star number two, this isn't going to help, but I'm also adding the character name just to talk it through because both these people are a little bit esoteric. Star number two is Michael Traynor as Rocky. Rocky as a character.

And this is one of the Ninja Turtle people. Yes, most definitely. Rocky. I think you're, you guys are thinking about Ninja Turtle the wrong way. I'm going to say that right now as we go into the final one. People in suits doing like puppetry? Yeah, I think you're thinking about the wrong way.

Is that the wrong way? That is the wrong way. Oh, okay. So it's slime men. Like a group of fun-loving so-and-sos Fuck you if you get this Three ninjas It is three ninjas for Chris Cabin

You cannot keep this guy out of the out of the winners bracket My thought was going to be little monsters Do you remember that movie with Fred Savage? Oh yes, totally And Howie Mandela is like a monster man That's right Literally the poster is like Home Alone because they get home invaded

And they ninja around Once you wavered off from the turtle shit, I was like, oh, okay. Yes, yeah, exactly. Turtles is a little misleading in terms of, like, you imagine there to be like Warriors of Virtue, disgusting pig monster. That's why I asked if it was a previous episode because I was thinking of Warriors of Virtue. I almost said, what's that awful Ed Begley Jr. Movie, Meet the Applegate.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never heard of this. Meet the Applegots. They're like alien ants underneath the skin. But that's like a horror movie kind of, right? No, it's supposed to be like a kid's movie. Oh, yeah. Well, like in the way that like Mac and me is a kid's movie.

Sort of. So we do, right? Is that it? That is it. That's where we're out. We did. That's it. Eric's going to pick up seven big points.

You know what? Now that we're in the studio, I think you're all getting a little intimidated. That's true. It's funny how the conspiracy just evaporates like that. It's interesting how that happens. Now that you're pointing this out, I'm thinking you're taking it.

fall in order to wrap up some type of false narrative. Sure. This is a good excuse I'm hearing. From you. I didn't say that. How many points did you get today? Two. Yeah. That's what I thought. What is wrong with you? You're still getting points. The folks at home want us to talk about the mighty ducks.

Here's a place to start because I feel like we should always, what do you got, Chris Kevin? We were talking about heavyweights. the lead of heavyweights is carp. Yes. And the Mighty Ducks. Yeah. Wow. Absolutely. Is that how many points is that? Zero point. We're off. We're off the board. The game window is closed.

Exactly. I noticed it because this kid's supposed to be playing what? Like 12. 13. Sure. We're talking. He looks like he's from like the DeBere's sketch in the face. He does. I mean, they're giving him like this big fat guy winner hat that he's got there.

It's also like it's a hat you saw on a lot of Soviet Union bread lines you know what I mean? I will say this about heavy weights I looked this guy up you should have been we all should have been fat little kid actors because it would have give us the complex that we needed to become

like really jacked adults like this dude's in like really good shape now because again you walk through your life hey fat kid jiggle for us it's like oh yeah carry that six foot sandwich you fat fuck yeah but isn't like Goldberg dead or something no Goldberg now we're not going to make fun of Goldberg

Goldberg has had struggles with addiction Goldberg has been arrested a couple times last heard from Goldberg he was in rehab there was some sort of a go fund me to pay for the expenses which tells you how raunchily Disney will

fuck your face with royalties and whatnot it's that but also dad's taking his cut oh yeah kid you can go work for a living no no no hey here's a super Nintendo for $300 I'll keep 16 grand though it's totally possible i mean because you're you're in three mighty ducks movies dude like you're doing okay

it could be parental fuckery absolutely and he's also in heavyweights oh wow goldberg is also what the fuck dude wow well because you know he was the bad boy really yeah he was like the cool hand luke of the camp oh this kid wasn't taking it off boss yeah oh is there an egg eating scene in that movie that would be pretty cool goldberg eats 50 heart boiled and that goes to sleep. Right off the bat, though, the font at the opening of this movie, I appreciate that we're picking on this stuff more these days,

but like, what a shitty font. It's not good, and it's also like this really slow because they're setting up like this, like, whatever, this fantasy, which you keep talking about, it all of the, it all rests on the little shoulders of Gordon Bombay. Right, flashbacks during the opening credits of, like, is peewee football and we have these announcers where we learn it's nice football you know we had beers early oh no i know it's fun you know what this episode it's a molligan

i mean what i know winning makes you a little lightheaded doesn't it you're right and high right now maybe because i thought that we were talking about heavyweights is there football scene in that uh there might be are they playing football in that i mean they're trying to make them do exercise it's just all very funny um Could you imagine these kids? What movie was it recently where Ben Stiller reprised his role as that character from heavyweds? Gone girl.

Yeah, he gets murdered into Ben. No, that was deal, Patrick Harris. Oh, right. Can you imagine Ben Stiller, though, in that scene with that mustache? Just get his throat cut. Would it have been like the heartbreak kid? I wiped out from my memory. No, it was something way more recently than that.

It wasn't like Jimmy Fallon. Or no, wait, I'm sorry. I'm about Happy Gilmore. Yes, in Hubey Halloween. Yes. That's what it is. And I thought you said Ben Affleck early. Oh, did I? No, it's a lot of beer.

There's a lot of beers. No, but you are totally right. Ben Stiller reprised his happy Gilmore character of the guy messing with the grandma, the nursing home. I believe in Hubey Halloween. I believe you are. Okay, that's what I'm thinking of. But here's, I'm not a hockey guy.

But Andrew, in the 70s, the funny thing about this is that, you know, obviously, Lane Smith, as the coach for the hawks for 20-some-odd years at least. A little fucking loser, exactly. He's really digging in. But the jerseys don't change. And this is a 90s hockey jersey in the 70s, right? Like, in the 70s, we would have like a big cartoony hawk on it or something.

I mean, it definitely, regardless of like how it looked, it would have looked different. There's absolutely no way. I mean, you're looking at these jerseys. They are some smart-looking jerseys. But the announcer, by the way, we call, in hockey, we call them sweaters. Oh, interesting. It's good inside baseball or inside hockey. Well, that's right.

Andrew is the hockey guy, so he's going to be hockey dude. No, which will be helpful because I don't, I mean, I'll try my best. I don't know. But it's like Peewee League. And we have like these announcers who are giving it their hall. And then so this, all right, so I'll do hockey guy right here. More than any other sport, peewee hockey is the most. involved, I think, because

it's so expensive. Everything about it is so expensive that I, like the money that's involved in it, like, Peewee hockey countrywide for the most part is like, uh, uh, high school football in Texas. Wow. Where they do have all that shit. Like, you got

the announcers and it's like a career. And especially in this movie, you're in Minnesota, absolutely this is going on. It's just so fucking weird. Oh, it's ridiculous. To be one of those going on. Yeah. Yeah. Would you You could be hearing that on the radio. You potentially, if it was a championship game.

And it's just like you got these dudes at home in Texas with their football or Minnesota with their hockey going like, oh man, that fucking little kid better fucking make it. Because we're definitely putting money on these people like a game. Oh, yeah. Well, you think they're actually like maybe they'll like try to influence the game a little like, you know, break some legs of these kids. Well, the other reason that the stakes are so high in situations like this is because, like hockey similarly-ish

to professional basketball, you will get recruited very young. You will sign to a professional hockey team when you are 17 years old. Unless I, Tanya, Harding them. Well, sure. And then put a lot of money on the opposing team. You want to do, you, uh, you, uh,

galooly them. Yeah. Yeah. Tanya did nothing wrong. Pull the galooly. Some kid must have gotten galoolead at some point. Absolutely. I bet there's fucking kids in ditches decomposing over this.

You'll give it some time. You're going to see a Netflix like true crime series. Exactly. Absolutely. The little bones of hockey, though, yeah, we're going to make fun of

Lane Smith a lot in this episode, but he is the kind of psycho you would need to pull off something like this. And the thing, too, like you can, even the job, the, what do you call them, the jerseys. You can even see that,

the sweater. sorry there you can see that being like none of that cartoonish shit you understand oh definitely do you understand this is not some playtime for me okay i'm going to fucking beat you to death if you do not make this goal am i making myself clear that one that's the thing too dude because it's like this kid it's a penalty thing it's like little gordon bomb bay it all rests on his shoulders is now listen gordon you're gonna win you're gonna go out there you'll let me down let your whole fucking team dad oh by the way Gordon, here's another thing. You're fucking dad's

dad. Just like trying to get this kid like haunted forever if it doesn't go perfectly. Like that's going to make him like it hit it right? That's bad coaching. It's just like, hey man, we're going to Applebee's no matter what. You win, you lose. We still go to

Applebee. You're going to promise these little kids riblets no matter what, dude. Absolutely. If you don't make this goal, there ain't no sample planner. Look, I talked to your parents before. I talked to him. I got the abandonment papers with me. Okay? And if you don't make this

fucking goal, guess what? They're signed in a second. Hey, Gordon, let me ask you this. Can your dead dad buy you potato skins? I don't think so. Do you think anyone's going to adopt a loser? Do you think that's going to happen? Because your parents aren't going to want you.

If you're not going to make this goal, you're going to go to a foster home and you're going to deal with a weird Russian dwarf from Estonia, that's what's going to happen. You know what happened? You know, Wayne Gretzky, call him the one. Yep.

You know what? Who gives a fuck about the two? Nobody. Certainly not me. Okay? Now, you make this fucking golden. There ain't no such thing is great two, Gordon. There's a great one.

I think no great two earlier, man. That's pretty good. Oh, totally. You'll be taking a lot of great twos on the bench. So he fucking shakes it, obviously. And the thing that you don't learn it to later in this fucking movie, there's a whole over time. time this team blows. So it's not

on little Gordon Bombay's shoulders. Like, yeah, he could have won the game. Did you guys notice the goalie in this? In the 70s goalie, it's sort of like a Jason mask. Yes. There's a skull painted on it. It seems a little heavy for B.S. I mean, Little Warriors'

esque kind of a thing. I mean, you should see it now, though, man, like the artistry that goes into goalie helmets. Like the rest of the players on a hockey team, nothing. But goalie helmets, there's definite artistry that's going on. with them. The Rangers have like what the Statue of Liberty helmet or some shit.

Well they have like there is the old there is an old school throwback jersey where it's like the Statue of Liberty on it but you will get shit you know where it's like here's a fucking eagle and it's all over my hand. There's no eagle team but like you just draw a cool bird on a helmet. That's cool. Why not?

See this what I have here? I have all the Simpsons characters on my helmet. You know what? I even got the comic book guy back there. Yeah. I would do a thing where it looks like it looks like the net. So they're like, oh, my God, it's the headless goalie.

And everyone's like freak it out. Like, oh, man, it's... I like that. I can't score on a ghost. Oh, an Ichabod crane shuts out another team here at the garden. How do you take a shot at the headless goal? What if you miss? Ooh, yeah, you get a little smoke machine.

They probably wouldn't allow the smoke machine, but that would really fuck people up. But in the world of the Mighty Ducks team, where we are breaking hockey rules left and right, absolutely smoke machines. are allowed. You have to be willing to push boundaries, Steve. That's what gets you attention. The thing about the flashback is also

like they clearly did not do anything to dress it up like the 70s. No way. I thought there was like going to be cell phones in there or something like I thought somebody was going to be tip-tapping on an old fucking computer in the background. Not Stephen Brill's best directorial effort or Stephen

Herrick's best directorial effort. No. Just this scene alone. It's like there's just a lot of black. Like you know what I mean? You could do I guess it's to show that it's a flashback, but you could do something. I mean, it should be dirtier. Yeah, yeah, totally. I mean, nobody's clean and it's clean. There's another flashback with his dad, and it's like they do like the sepia.

Yes, yeah, that would have been better. He's wearing like a Tom Landry hat too. See, and that's the problem, though, because one of the greatest things about 70s athletes, not just hockey, but across the sports world, disgusting. Totally, totally disgusting. The mustache situation out of control. And if Gordon Bombay's dad was a true, like, hockey. guy, which I mean, you don't really know a lot about it. Maybe he was just like a banker or something

like dies instantly. You want that guy to look like a piece of shit. You want to look at the screen and smell the stale beer coming off of that guy. Well, Lance Smith should be smoking a cigarette and have definitely. You know what I mean? Like, you're going to miss a shot, Gordon. Yeah. I'm going to put this cigarette out on your

face. Yeah. Go score, Gordon. A couple of necktie loosens. A little stressed out frazzled because he's got money on this little fuck tossing something to the ground either a helmet or a kid are we even trying to like de-age him at all in those

I think he's got darkerish hair possibly it's like a little more brown yeah that the soft focus do the work I gotta say man Lane the great Lane's he's awesome in this son-in-law son-in-law my cousin Vinnie

my cousin Vinnie fucking Jesus Lois and Clark the new Avengers of Superman even though Dean Kane can fucking fucking S-Mine The rest of that show is awesome. He's a great Perry White. Oh, okay. You said my question.

Got it. Yeah. 1964, Duick, Skylark, convertible. I thought he was going to play Doomsday in that or something. Oh, man, you know what? He definitely would have looked better than the fucking doomsday we got. Just sit with a bunch of rocks on the stage.

Now, Superman, I'm going to break you over my fucking knee. Do you hear me now? That's right. All he would have to do is threaten Superman with a beat. Now, let's go bunch on some grindy. I have to tell you, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Son-in-law will be an episode at some point.

And, you know, because it's a Pauley Shore movie, it will fall into the age category. But this guy who is speaking right now will be considering an L. It is a Jupin family fucking classic. And Lane Smith as the dad who slowly but surely comes around to love Polly,

sure as indeed the titular son-in-law excellent performance i think i told this before but i brief when i when i was working uh at a tv network i had to deal with polly shore a few times and i told him on the phone that i loved son-in-law i felt embarrassed for even saying that because it's like he just wants to get the job done he doesn't give a shit and he yelled baby weasels because i guess i'm like a baby fan of his or whatever that's right so wait does he have one for like all the different movies. I think he just goes by the weasel. No, he's referring to Eric as a baby weasel. I'm saying, but like, oh, well, I guess the

weasel thing was just a Pauly Shore thing. It wasn't a son-in-law thing. I was wondering if he, like, had different ones, like, it does jury duty fans, then baby weasel juries. Well, I think the thing is, like, the more, like, the shittier the Pauly-Shore movie you

reference to Pauley, he takes that as, like, the bigger Pauly fan you are. So, yeah, if you're like, oh, Polly short, you know, in the Army now, you know, Pauli Shore, Biodome, even worse, right, son-in-law, okay, a little bit, but if you reference

jury duty, I think you're the grand pooh-baw-weasel. That's a fucking super fan. I should have done that because as a kid, I would say that was an underrated movie. I'm sure it's not good, but it's I mean, it's not very... You've been watching it recently? I did.

I did. No, you didn't. I watched Polish Shore movies during the break, well, during pandemic. You watched every single Polish show movie? I watched the big ones not I didn't go to Polly Shore's Okay so in jury duty you know you got Stanley Tucci. Yes you do. And they have

Tia Carrera and fun hotel hijinks with a little dog. They do and there's a lot of like oh my God I can't shower because I don't have any shampoo. How bad is it to be on a jury? It's also like I don't know

you got to figure out which came first like that episode or that movie or because isn't there an episode of the Simpsons where Homer's like, say, sequestered jury duties? The boy who knew too much, I think, the season four or five.

That probably came. That's the, the Merrick Wimby's nephew. Yes. Shout a. Yeah, which, yeah. Say it loud enough so everyone can hear. Did anyone else's local Fox affiliate used that in a clip to promote the local Fox affiliate?

No. Well, yes. Do you remember this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, you guys live in the same town. No, I know. That's why I said it that way, Steve.

No, but the two of it, see, as we get older, Steve, especially, Chris and I have to check in with each other. Got it. Because of the weed situation, like, who remembers what? But so the motto of our local Fox affiliate was, it's what to watch, right? And they had some lady come in and they filmed a little jingle, not a jingle, even just these like a few bars, which was like Fox 23. It's what to watch. So, yeah, right. And then the Fox came out of it.

Excellent. Nice. So, like, for. We didn't got nothing on me. Oh, it's got a lot, my friend. Well, okay, but not the memory stuff. All right, all you Fox affiliate of Albany fans out there. But so you would have things, like they would, like a commercial would air and it would be like the Quimby nephew and he would go, say it loud enough so everyone can hear.

It's what to watch. Or there was a, they did a Seinfeld one that was like, sing it, sister. It's what to watch. So when I see those things, it's what to watch. It's just in my noodle forever. That makes sense. Yeah, it sucks. There was also a lamer mad about you one.

Oh, was there really? Yeah, I forget what it was. Oh, James, my dick's soft again. It's what to watch. That show, I never watched that show. It's about a guy's dick-owned song. No, no, but I do remember there was an episode to date Matt about you exquisitely. There was an episode where Paul Reiser took a,

little blue pill and had the weird like his dick was hard the whole episode also it was a thing where like because I guess I don't know if this is actually true but in the episode they said one of the side effects of taking one of those guys was like

you saw I remember hearing about this yeah yeah he was freaking out and his dick was hard at the same time and like you needed all of that to sleep with Helen Hunt come on Paul Reiser you get older you never know. True. So he cut to Gordon Bombay.

He's a, he's a, what do you call there? A shitty defense attorney, which means he's a bad person. That's right. No one is, no one is allowed a defense in this country. And I think that's why, like, eventually the boss gets involved in sponsoring the team and he ends up being a shit heel towards the end of the movie. Because I feel like defense attorney is irredeemable. Yes. Or a movie of this era. That's why Gordon Bombay can never go back to being a lawyer.

Because you're always, your defense lawyers in movies, especially in the 90s, are always, every case is a millionaire who did something wrong who's getting away with it. Yeah. It's never some shitty, like, kid who just got picked up because he was like slinging a little weed. Yes, exactly. It's fucking, you know, even if they, even if it was, they would throw the book. The movie would be like that guy, that guy's a piece of shit. He shouldn't have done that. Yeah.

Yeah. He should have been killed. Slimy. Oh, and still, you watch any law and order episode, it's always like the fucking slug. Lie me lawyer. Yeah. I could never watch law and order still never have just because I'm like,

why am I watching the bad guy? I mean, the Waterston years with Jesse Elmar. No, well, Jerry Orbach. Yeah, the Orbach, Waterston years are just a wonderful. That's a classic. Yeah.

So he's just a shitty fucking defense attorney. We see that he's like getting, he gets in, he beats the prosecutor and kind of rubs his nose in it. You see this prosecutor, though? It was driving me crazy. That's Stephen Brill.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Because he's in a ton of shit. Yeah, he's a... Because he was a guy that, like, I think he was an actor before he started writing and directing. That makes sense.

Because I feel, I don't know if it was like, it's not this, but like Aspen Extreme or one of those like old ass 80s movies that we've done before. Yeah. He's popped up in here and there. Okay. And he's always playing Stephen Brill. Pretty much. Same haircut over 40s.

years, definitely. So that's his 30th case. He wants to go out and celebrate. So he, which just means drinking in his car. Like, I want to see him out with the boy. I mean, like, out with the boys at the bar and they're like, hey, Gorman, you should get a cab. No, man. Blah, blah, blah. Because it just seems like he just

started drinking in his car riding around down. Also, the just win vanity plates. Amazing. It's, you know, I mean, you see how he took like all the bad teachings of coach Lane Smith. You're right. Jack Riley or whatever his name is and like put it into this world so like this is a fucking

note for coaches out there look what you can do to people there'll be scuzzy yet hyper successful defense attorneys the way they present him I was like is he drunk daredevil like he's not blind so I get that but like you know friends you barely see his home life at all you never see his apartment no nothing also like the dad's dead but you should sort of see what the mom's up to baby like oh you're going to back to the old neighborhood, ha, you know, something like that. You're totally right. And the fact that like this movie is like pushing its luck with coming in like just under two hours. Like you got to find something else to characterize this guy.

You're absolutely right. Because like because we don't see that celebratory, I did it again. See. Yeah. All you get is the leftovers of him like you shouldn't have taken that beer out of the bar. Yeah. Well, you can't have the celebratory scene because he's off somewhere with a Red Ski mask on puking when he's trying to you know, fix a robbery. It'd be cool if he got like shot to death by a street gang

but man, him just drinking that beer in the car. You know, you can't do that. You can't. Listening to like fake black crows or whatever he's listening to like hunky talk going. Honky talk. You're a white guy doing. D-U-I.

Yeah. And the cop pulls him over and he's like, oh, could you turn that down a little? And he's like, I'll turn it down a whittle or whatever. And there's, oh, well, this guy's drunk. And this is my favorite line of a children's film ever is the cop says, breath, blood, or urine. Yeah. Which one are you going to do? Me going to stick you?

You're going to spit in something. You're going to fucking piss in this cup. He's got a great response, too. That's no thanks. I'm full. like this cop was going to fucking put blood or urine in his mouth. Dude, that would be a great. Hey man, you want to get out of this ticket?

I'm going to pee in your mouth. Look, either way. Look, it's two choices. You're going down down with me and you're definitely getting the fucking doy ticket. Or I can piss in your mouth right now. It's bad lieutenant port of call Minnesota. Look. Minnesota.

One day somebody's going to help me scratch number 15 off the bucket list. Is it you? I was Wanderpiss in someone's mouth I thought that'd be a good idea You think 15's bad You should have taken a look at 14 And that guy he definitely did 14 And yep

Disney's the mighty ducks I'm the pee in the mouth cop But even for a Disney movie To have like a DUI guy Be sentenced to be the guardian of children That's kind of like bad news bears Right which is something I've never actually seen Which is like it made sense for that's in the 70s.

Yes, exactly. You could kill kids if you want. Is Walter Mathel, though, on some sort of court order in that movie? No, he's just drunk. Yeah. That it's the same thing with the remake. Like, yeah, he's just a drunk asshole. Which I got to tell you, underrated Linklater movie.

Great. One of my favorite remakes, I would say. It's fucking great. Yeah. But you're right. This is a little bad news bears-esque, absolutely. So he goes back to the same. prosecutor and the prosecutor gives him no mercy

and he gets you know it's 500 he gets his license revoked in like 500 hours of community service right and his boss comes in this boss Mr. Ducksworth I've seen Joseph Summer is his name or whatever he's in a ton of shit he was I think most recently I mean maybe not most recently

because this movie's fucking 15 years old or more but he's the president in X-Men last stand he's a little too scummy to play he just it looks like he's an omnic court you know what I mean isn't he diplomatic community No, no, no, that's Hans. That's the ski shop owner.

This is the, this is the defense attorney boss, so he has to be a dirt bag. Oh, yes. The secondary, if you can't get James Rebhorn, gets this guy. Exactly. Yeah, this guy's probably screwed over a president or two in his day. Incorrect, Chris. You're right, but it's, it's, it's Ronnie Cox, then Rebhorn, then this guy. No, but you're totally right, because this guy, this guy is the poorer.

man's Ronnie Cox. Yes. That's what it's and that's why definitely this dude is fit for a Robocop movie like nobody's business. But I mean this law for this law firm my lawyer beers today folks

beers beers It's so and this is something I think maybe this is a Gen X relic or something where and it's just like you endangered yourself and you can't fight for this because you're going to drag the firm's name in the mud so

take a leave of absence with full pay. Well, dude, it is, you know, in 1992 we didn't talk about this. We'll talk about it. I mean, this is the whitest of white privilege situations. You know, this motherfucker could have faced. First of all, I mean, back to the poll over, he mouths off to this cop.

That's the death sentence right there. You know what I mean? And this, yeah, you are like fired, but you're still getting pay while you go coach pee-wee hockey for 500 hours. white marfucking privilege Take a break Gordon you deserve this

I'm like you've been working so hard I've been working so hard for fucking 15 years no one ever gave me paid months off you've been helping so many monsters I mean we just got

you know Joey but Italiano the other day and he you know he's good all these mobsters and rapists that you've helped

set free you know what people who have been accused of mobsterism and people who have been accused of rape. Guilty, innocent until proven guilty in America, my friends. Even if they... Am I being detained?

Yeah. And can I speak to my lawyer? It's okay to look like a hog beast that would eat a thousand tank. So MC Ganey's in this movie, huh guys? Yeah, he is. Fuck yeah. Very weird because I mean, I guess he's the limo driver for Emilio

because he's too drunk to drive. And that's the other thing. His license is revoked. And they're like, oh, don't worry about it. The firm will provide you transportation. Fuck. It's called a fucking bus pass, dude. Absolutely. MC Ganey is terrifying.

He's terrifying. And limo drivers usually are. And what's even more terrifying is even after the boss is no longer supporting this guy, MC Ganey's still long for the rat. I like watching the kids play. he's part of the team, dude. I guess he'd be the assistant coach. You want him to do something with yes. Because they keep showing him like messing around with the kids and mixing it up and stuff.

I don't know about that, by the way. If I'm Charlie's mom, I'm like, oh, so you're the coach. And who is that? I don't think I signed a permission slip to hang out with that guy. Specifically, though, for one scene, I don't know where it falls in the motion picture. It is when they're doing a little better. but one scene who is not only who is that guy

who is that guy with the cam quarter these dudes filming kids like oh yeah it's because we need game tape okay well he's got a side gig doing like bootlegs because he also has the fucking bag of candy he does disgusting bag of candy

luring them into his den of sin well I didn't think that necessarily Eric I thought he was probably staving off a pretty you know bad a meth addiction. Oh, yeah. So the way you do that is you just get a lot of sugar. Hey man, if I just get

some of those flavored tootsie rolls, I won't need my meth as much, man. Vanilla and there's orange and there's lime. Okay, cool. You have the game tape. I just want to watch the, how did the Hawks be it? Um, why is this

just Connie for? Nope, still Connie. No, still Connie. She's on the bench. Why are you saying hubba, Hubba in the background. This reminds me. This is Connie. Is that outside of Connie's house?

I'm turning it off. I'm turning it off. I'm turning it. Oh, yeah. She looks so good in this seat. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She's going to score the game. My little ice princess. I was, I don't know if I've told this story before. I was, I was hired and immediately fired. But I was hired by one of the football coaches at my high school to

it was like I had stopped playing but they knew like I had an interest in like cinema and whatnot they were like oh we could hire you to film the games okay and when I say film the games I mean film Connie but so the first game of the season that I'm filming going along doing it I thought it did a pretty good job

you know and it was like 50 bucks a game which was pretty rad as like you know 16 or 17 year old kid like 10 or 12 games a season, whatever it is, like pretty cool. Yeah. So they're like, yeah, here's your 50 bucks.

It's like a week later. But you can never film a game again. And I was like, oh, well, what's the problem? They were like, well, we had to leave the whole tape on mute because you were just yelling profanity at the players the whole time. And I was like, ah, I see.

Excellent. Wasn't I with you when you were filming this. That sounds like a fucking recipe for success. It's because I remember very clearly a friend of ours or a guy from my grade who was on the football team and his

father was up in the booth because he was one of like I guess he's like a coach or something but he had some connection with somebody who's down on the ground and he's like, you tell Richie he literally did Elaine Smith like he's like you tell Richie if he doesn't make this next one

I'm going to kick his ass. Like I'm quieting it down. He was like screaming it. He was like, I'll fucking kill my own kid. Why not? He's not going to get a ride home if he doesn't make this one. Get to step in, child. He drives out on the ice and leaves this fucking limousine out there and we meet the Mighty.

Well, we meet the Mighty Ducks first because it's the boys. They're doing a prank. Oh, my God. You know what I love more than anything. as fucking pranks everybody what a better use of your time than pranks unbelievable so they dumpster dive

get a purse and then like prop it up with like a dollar hanging out of it and they put dog shit in it so that so that's yeah fresh load you don't want to use old dog shit you want hot off the presses so some dude picks it up and he's like oh yeah payday

this guy I want to meet this guy more than I want to meet anybody he's in like like a testeroser or something. He's in this beautiful car. He stopped in the middle of the road. Yeah. Because he sees a dollar of a derelict purse and decides to stop.

Get out of his car. Pick up the thing. Yep. And he's rich. He looks rich. What are you doing? He starts driving and I guess he's fiddling in that purse and he gets a handful of dog shit. Like he hits the brakes, looks out the window, sees the kids. They're still standing there for some

reason. And it's an adult man chasing children, which I do not recommend. Not a good look. But what's cool about this sequence is the dude gets some fucking nut trauma. He gets a good, my nerds, because he tries to bounce on a pipe or something in falls. Yeah, because these kids are street, street wise, I should say. Right. And they know what's going on. I tried to do a prank one. So I was a kid. And I was walking my buddy to another friend's house on a big tree line street. I was like, hey man, watch this. I finished the snapple. And I put the snapple underneath the car tire.

And I was like, fuck, when this guy drives flat tire. And this guy immediately comes out like, hey, what are you doing? And I'm like, uh, uh, uh, and he's like, that's my dad's car. If he did this, he'd have a flat tire. And that's really expensive kid. And I'm like, yeah, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just, I don't know.

I'm just sorry. Uh, but can we all agree that it would have been kind of fucking hilarious. I'm sorry. Man, you should have punched him right in the dick. It wasn't a streetwise little urchin. I would have like ran around and into a construction site and did Baby's Day out to him.

And did Baby's Day Out to him. Honey, I've been Baby Day's Dad again. Oh, no. Joseph, come here. Let me take care of it. You've got to stop chasing children's and getting Babies Day outed. You've got to stop chasing babies

through constructions. You're going to give babies day out in. I wish we would finally get blank checked. So like they immediately, it's kind of funny because they think he's like a drug dealer is the gag. I was confused by this too because this limo pulls up to all these kids and they're like, hey man, we don't want any of that stuff. Get these drugs away from me. And I'm like, are you being offered drugs by businessmen all the time?

I mean, I don't know what's going on. up there in Minnesota, man. These drug peddlers are just riding around in limousines and whatnot. It could also be a thing where like this is just shit their dumb parents are telling them so they think it's like accurate. Are these

rich drug dealers? They're just going to drive around in big limousines Han and they're going to try to sell you crack. If they say they're not a drug dealer, just get into the limo and have some candy and hang out with them. They'll be fine. Because they all pile into that fucking thing. They do.

because they're like a little, little fucking pieces of shit because they just can't be kept. You know, they're like, we're going. They're on top of the limo at first. Then you get to see some, like, weird glass blowing from the heavyweights kid in Goldberg. Dude, this whole, like, it's always disgusted me. Like, even as a little kid, like, you put your mouth on the glass and then you, like, blow and your cheeks pop out. And I'm just, like, looking at this kid's disgusting mouth.

No thanks, movie. Absolutely no things. Let's move on. I don't want a better look at anyone's mouth. Nope. Absolutely not. Yeah. Like, can you, these kids are just like giving the car oil. They're giving it oral. Well, I thought a bit more as a zombie attack because they're, they're poor and the poor rich man has to deal with

this shit. Yeah. He tells them to fax him, which I love. Fax me. This is kind of like the super previous episode where like a rich person learns to be human. Isn't that nice, folks? Interesting. He does have a funny line around here where I don't remember what the setup. is, but Emilio goes, maybe one day you'll write a book about it in jail. I like

Emilio in this. I like Emilio in general. Like, it's that sort of sarcastic Emilio wit kind of a thing. I always, for the most part, I think I will always have like goodwill towards Emilio Estabas. It's probably because of these movies. This and

specifically another stakeout. Another's, yes. I don't know what the hell my problem was, but like, in the early 90s or whenever that movie came out, I was renting another stakeout. A lot of that. Stakeout, fuck it. Another stakeout, definitely tons of times.

You like everybody had Rosie Fever. Yeah. Oh, no, I definitely had Rosie Fever. Dude, I was watching the Rosie O'Donnell show when I was coming home from school. Really? My father raising all sorts of eyebrows at that. Oh, boy.

I watched both of them. I watched the first one, I had a little crush on Madeline's toe. Oh, that. That'll do it. That'll do it. Yeah, I've watched both those movies. She's fucking Richard Dreyfuss in that movie? What in the world?

Yeah. No math equation in the world. Exactly. Doesn't he also have a astronomically impossible wife in close encounters too? Terry Gar. Yeah, again.

But that's at least the 70s. Dude, I bet that's how his pubs are dry fuzz. Look, he's a hand. Look, he's a handsome Jew. We can't all be Elliot Gould. We have to have a number two.

Elliot Gould. Oh, yeah, dude. Especially these old 1970s degenerate gambling days. So Charlie's mom comes out and she's like, hey, why is this car on the ice? Who are you? We find out that the last coach, they said, oh, he hurt his arm, but no, he had a heart attack. Yeah. I guess dealing with these little monsters is the idea.

You know which kid I hate the most? It's the really tiny one who's like really brassy. What's that kid's name? Oh. Yeah, whatever that kid is. Number something. Yeah, he's, I do not care for this kid. Averman's doing the Rob Schneider routine.

Oh, that's bad too, isn't it though? That one just cuts right through you. How, like, knowing how shitty Rob Schneider is, I don't know how he is not, like, taking that to the grave. Like, this shitty little kid stole my fucking bit. It was back when you could do that in movies. Like, Saturday Night was such a thing. You could just, like, quote bits from it.

And then, like, nobody would stop. I was like, oh, it's whatever. You can't do that now because it's terrible. You think anyone's, so you're saying, wait, so you're saying, uh-huh. No one is going to be quoting the genius of Gen Z doctors. No. with Elon Musk

as the Gen Z. Or no little kids are doing the Hallelujah Hillary sketch. That's for sure. That is the nadir of that program. Absolutely. And I'm talking straight through those fucking horrendous years

in the 80s when they're Jim Belushi and Billy Crystal on. Everyone, you know, says the years in the 80s are bad. They got to be better than everything post-2010. Yeah, probably. Of what I've seen, absolutely they are.

I mean, like the fucking Like, yeah, what I need is Grimes as Princess Preach. That was something we all needed. Oh, did she, did she appear on the program? Because Elon Musk was Wario. Who had killed Mario and they were in a court case. Did they bring out their little baby

XJ 13 and wherever the fuck they named that kid? Yeah, they came out as a gumba. I wish. So he wants to fuck this kid's mom. We meet Josh Jackson as Charlie. Absolutely, dude.

What about him? Oh, I had nothing. Charlie, no. Charlie, Wana, dad. Charlie, dude, he got a golden ticket to the dad factory. It is this weird thing where you're like, do you want to be my step dad? Hey, my mom's pretty hot, huh? But I'll look at her ass.

Look at my mom's ass. On the other side of that, though, Emilio is like, yeah, I will look at her. they are like conspiring like hey man do you want me to be your father i'll be your fucking father yeah let's figure it out they have a pinky in the brain of banging this woman yeah two in the pinky and one in the brain oh man ear fucking is everything yeah or like a COVID test oh sure look coach I bought you some condoms don't worry you're all set tonight but it's also weirder because like he's got red hair and Emilio's got red hair and his dad it's got like it's basically this weird thing is like if i could fuck your mom it's like i'm

fucking my own mom oh that's cool my own dad you know what i mean like if only there was a story about this it worked out well for that family didn't uh yeah no it is weird the conspiring is it's like all right like here's the here's deal uh gordon i'll tell you all my mom's likes and dislikes, I even know what gets her going. And since it's 1992, I don't know, Ted Danson. Look, if it has

anything to do with the last guy who stuck around for a while, a really big dick helps. And let us point out that the clitoris hadn't been discovered yet at this point in history. Don't worry about it, Gordo. You don't have to look at all. Just have a big swinging one.

I feel of the esterous, Chavez brothers. Emilio and Charlie Sheen, of course. Who do you think is packing more heat? I was going to say that I think that the love for Emilio on this episode is also because Sheen has fallen to the bottom.

Yeah, yeah. There's that. I mean, because Sheen back in the day, like with Hot Shots and Hot Shots part due, which I think is the superior film. And Men at Work also. It worked. Fantastic. Yeah. Fantastic. I mean, I used to be a big Charlie Sheen fan back in the day. So the question was,

Who has the bigger dick? I mean, I have not seen photographs. Uh-huh. I would guess Charlie just to guess Charlie. I think Charlie's a little taller, but I don't know if that equates dick-thling. But I feel like that's why Emilio is probably the winner, though, because, like, he's not talking about. Right. I feel like if you look back through history, Charlie Sheen, a lot of, like, my fucking huge cock, right?

Somewhere that's happened. Sure. I mean, well, I mean, these days, Emilio still has a functioning penis. I'm hoping at least. Charlie Sheen has like burn marks. Oh, yeah. I don't know what's going. Burn to a cinder.

But it takes big balls to direct Bobby. And Parkland, which I always think. Chris, we saw, we saw Bobby together. We did see Bobby together. Did you see Bobby? Did anyone in here see Bobby? No, I skipped Bob. You're okay.

Yeah, okay. Who was playing Sirhan, Sirhan. Sourhan. A guy. Yes. No, he was 12 at the time. No, no, he was in. Wasn't he in the movie?

Like as a kid like handing out pamphlets or something? Lindsay Lohan's definitely in that movie. That's right. Oh, I'm in the movie. Oh my God. I'm playing Surin,

sir and sir. I assassinated Bobby. It's definitely a less sexy assassination. Yeah. I'm sorry. The company made me do it. Oh, Shit, dude, yeah.

Does that movie get conspiratorial in that way? No, no, no. It's like a crash during the day of that's what I always sort of gleaned from. It's just like a bunch of people live in their life and then it's like, oh, shit, this is happening. Oh, no. Oh, fuck. I was playing tennis.

Oh, no. Oh, no. I can't, oh, God. I'm never going to be able to eat at a hotel kitchen again. To your point, though, Chris Gavin, I don't believe Emilio Estabas has directed the movie Parkland. But that's also, I think, about the RFK assassins. No, no, no. Parkland is about JFK because Parkland Hospital is where he was taking. That

movie features Paul Giamondi as one Mr. Abraham Zabruder. That's amazing. Oh, fuck, I was running my camera. I can't believe what I fucking caught. I think the president's fucking dead. That's amazing. My favorite president

is coming to town. All I need to do is take a picture of my favorite. Oh, great, of course. Because I'm filming. I had it set to bullet. But they're looking for a second shooter. Oh, Abraham, you stupid idiot. You're off my luck.

It's not 24 frames a second and 24 bullets a second. What did I do? That movie is fine. That's something. It's, yeah. There's a reason why it's totally forgotten. Yeah, as you can tell, I completely forget. So, first match is, wouldn't you guess it's the whole?

all the kids are an adorable mismatch costumes. They're not ready for the hawks. No. And Lane Smith is strutting his stuff. This is when he's wearing his bomber jacket with the flipped. Yeah. The flipped collar. And he like, when he's like really coaching, he like tugs on it a little bit.

You know what vibe he gives off 100% is fucking shooter. Shooter McGavin. Yeah. Absolutely. Especially with that collar flip. Also, I have to say, at this point, They are not the ducks. They are just District 5.

And there's a South African movie about aliens. That's right. Exactly. One of the, one of the, the goalie is fucking chappy, I think. See, that's what Elon Musk should have been in a sketch about, right? Yes. That would be better. South African, right?

Get Charlton Cooply to do something with Elon Musk? Oh, sure. Dig that guy up from cryostasis. Nope, you know what? Nope, I won't work with him. I won't do it. Fuck that man. No, uh. just throwing around the pedophilia world just like that everywhere brave little man diving

I won't walk with him nope I forgot that Elon Musk was fighting with that guy that saved all those people yeah what a what a fucking hero oh by the way a dispatch from Disney plus the new like we all know subtlety is dead and will be forever now the name okay so the name of the team is the ducks finally and there's a nice scene where Gore and explains why he named it that and all that, why it's inspiring. Do you know what the name of the team is and the

Disney Plus show that they released? Are we not calling it the Ducks? The Fox? Because of the autocorrect or something? The name of the team, at least from like the first episode. No. Is the don't bothers. What? That's not a name?

No. Don't bothers. Well, so then, I mean, that just tells me as someone who's not seen a second of the show by the end of the season or something they are the... Oh, I mean, I'm sure

even by like the beginning of the next episode they have to be... The Don't Bothers is just the district five of that television. The Don't Bothers sounds like

they open for the eight rights and green room, you know? That would have been a good show. Jolly and Giant's shitty Beatles. Every time I see a collar flip now, I've just, I was imagining

Lane Smith going, punky, Tony. By the way, I want to point out at the end of this when the Hawks do beat District 9 or whatever this is. Yeah. Lane Smith has, anyone could beat these pansies. Oh, sure.

Pansish. We got pansies. Pansish. Run up to score on them. It's like, okay, man, it's children. And also the ref should just, A, there should be a mercy rule, especially in hockey. Yeah.

I mean, 17-0 is what this game taps out at. And, like, that's a lot. And he goes up to him afterwards, like, hey, Gordo, sorry, sorry, you lost so bad. And here's the thing. And capitalism is a prison and no, what somebody makes doesn't affect their worth whatsoever. However, if you are in a position where your pee-wee hockey goalie, pee-wee hockey coach who has traumatized you and is responsible for, like, one-third of your therapy visits starts talking shit to you, the move is like, oh, cool, man. We totally beefed that game. Sorry, dude.

I was thinking about getting into this. Like, should I give up my $200,000 a year job? What do you make? What are you pulling down? Like, $20,000 a year? Those are... If he's just coaching, pee-wee, I mean, it's got to... It's like 15-10.

You really got to rub this guy's shit in it. It's like, oh, yeah, you totally beat me. Man, oh, fuck. I'm going to have to let go to my summer house and just really mellow out after this. The shalacking. How's your trailer working out, pal? It's good. The tinfoil's holding up. I mean, you have to imagine he, like, retired early

because he's just like the friend of all the rich, evil people in town. And all the kids are on his team. I mean, that's what I don't know what the deal is in this situation. Because, again, like, yeah, Pee-B hockey in Minnesota, massive, right? Like, sports where we come from, like kid sports like this. Like, it's a volunteer position. usually from a parent. Yeah, for sure.

You know, and it's weird in this situation because, like, it's a regional thing. It's not associated with a school program of any kind. So, like, I, they never really let you know what the hell's going on with Landsmith. Is this, like, a full-time job, or is he just been this dude who's been volunteering for fucking 25 years? It would be hilarious if on that, on the Hawks, there was also, like, a grown, his son,

he's like a grown man. plays on the hawks to this day just so he can keep fucking coaching this fucking team. Listen here, you're going to fail the sixth grade again. I don't care if you're 28 years old. You're failing the sixth grade. You're playing

you're a hawk for life. My dad coach is the hawks and I sit on the bench reading books. That's good. That's good, Donald. You just keep on doing that. Donald definitely is that guy's name.

You check that kid. You check that little eight-year-old boy. You go out there and you check them. Look, we're all at the same skill level, Jerry. Look, players get killed on the ice all the time. You didn't know that you were crushing that little boy's skull. The thing that's horseshit, like, from this first game, the rule breaking is out the window.

Because, like, there's no way you can have a team come on the ice wearing fucking football helmets, skateboarding helmets, magazines wrapped around your legs as shin guards like not happening hockey obnoxiously is a very expensive sport like I've said already

like there's just no way this would be like you'd be forfeit in every game but that fucking horse isn't a kid wearing a colander on his head at some point or is that maybe in a sequel oh I don't know

I didn't see colander this round who knows that maybe that's when they get fun in part two I think the next motion of the movie is these kids fighting over a porno magazine. Hello, Disney. It's obnoxious because you get a glimpse at one of the covers and it's a Sports Illustrated swimsuit.

Oh, but they're still beating their meat rod. Definitely. One of the kids, the bad kid, who has my favorite line in the movie, which we'll get to you later, he's just like, you won't even know what to do with it, man, which means you don't know what fucking beat your meat is yet. I do too. I will rub my dick against a fridge. That's what I will do. Fuck that fridge.

Well, the weird thing with the Hawks is Jesse Hall, who's like one of the bigger kids in the movie, they're racist to him in the beginning. And like later on when Adam becomes part of the gang, like, you got to be like, yo, dude, my friends are shitty. I'm sorry. I don't know what to do.

They really bury the really racist line. Yeah, like, you know, the Oreo or whatever. Yeah, the noise in the room is like really like. Well, the Oreo line, which is what they call the group of it's two kids of color and a white kid. Uh-huh, ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah.

Uh, permeates the entire film. I like to, in the fucking final game, Emilio's like, hey, Oreo line, get out there. Really? Absolutely. Wow. I miss that. Oreo line is said at least three times, maybe four times in this movie.

I didn't know Emilio is getting in on the action. That's crazy. He says, Oreo line, get out there. We've got to do whatever douchebag trick to play I just did. You're like, Nabisk, don't. No, you're not going to take this one back. Don't do that. Don't you know you're not.

It's not going to be good. Stop. I forget what it is, though. There is some other, like, very racist moment in the movie that you're like, go. But again, like, yeah, like, Adam has to be like, yo, dude, I'm not a, but that's what the hawks do. You want to hear, you don't even want to know what the coach was calling you behind your back. Oh, man, Lane Smith, that dude's a definite racist in this movie, no doubt about it. Not in real life, I'm sure he's a wonderful man.

he's been dead for years, but I'm sure he was. The thing is, you know, the Hawks, it's like fucking Christmas in Vermont with that team. But the ducks, the interesting thing about it, racial diversity, gender diversity on the team, you know, way back before fucking Republicans

complained about that shit existing really. And you can tell Disney's growing a little bit. The mother is not a demon. Yes. That's true. It's an interesting little turn they do here. Because she very much, there's a scene later in the movie where her and Amelia go out on a little bit of a date.

You know, like you do, I guess, in Minnesota. You go look at ice sculptures and whatnot. And, you know, she's all like, listen, I don't know. I mean, I'll fuck your brains out, Gordon Bombay. And you'll likely fuck my brains out, you know. But don't go messing with me and my kid.

Like, if this isn't real and you're just looking to get laid. So just one on one for the sex. One for the sex, please. she beefs that whole thing because she's just like yeah when I was a little girl I used to look that castle and I would I live in that room and then later on I was like you know what Charlie you live in that room and Emilio's like what room do I live in I'm like dude we're on date number one dude back the fuck off what are you fucking stalked by my doctor dude come on exactly you you fucking pump the brakes and be like oh cool can I visit your ice castle sometimes so do we share a room in the Ice Castle? Or do I have a man cave? Work and married. Coach, coach, let me tell you. Ice Castle. Just talk

to her about Ice Castle. You'll be in Bang City tonight. Oh, man. Oh, cool. Mom State with Coach Bombay went really well. Now they're playing loud music and told me to go to bed. I think I'm going to have a step dance. I hear him bumming her bed. if you know what I mean.

It looks like that last minute purchase of loom is going to help the coach out tonight. Holy shit. Coach is definitely throwing the puck between the pipes tonight. Oh, cool. The coach left at four o'clock in the morning to pretend that he didn't sleep over. Things are looking good.

Bye, coach. Oh, well, coach and mom are going to the Romantic Depot together. Oh, coach. was going to buy my mama dildo. And when I woke up, the whole house smelled like smegma. Oh, man, the whole house. Just smegma and coconut oil. Hey, ma, I just saw three used condoms in the toilet.

Looks like the coach got up to it really last night. Where's the ring, Mom? Holy shit, Mom. I didn't know there were that many hours in a night. Three condoms. I recorded about 30 minutes of it. I hope you enjoy Because later on the movie

They start making fun of Charlie Which you obviously would Like you know Coaches banging your mom Shit him Shut him I'm like dude obviously You made fun of

For your coach Dating the woman Of course Also fan theory This last The last coach Also dated his mother And the heart attack

occurred during sex Oh shit Yeah She's like a Zena Onatop kind of a character Sure Yeah you know During the day

My son does a whole some pee-wee hockey and at night I strangle coaches with my knees. Because she's working for Lane Smith, right? He's like listen, now you take, you wrap listen, you wrap your thighs around his neck and intercourse.

Shit, the fucking sabotage is coming from the inside. You're a hawk for life. You better choke that man during sex. Listen, when you were 12 years old, you tried out from the hawks and I said, a girl, no. But one day I might need you. And then

today. Look, they show off and say, thighs. Those are killer thighs. We're going to make that literal tonight, okay, there. Now, what you do is you go out, Gordon Bombay, and you say, you know what's a good idea, Gordon? Let's get some cocaine. You give him this. It's a hot shot. That's right. It's pee-wee hockey, and I'm out for blood. Minnesota pee-wee hockey, I will kill my competitors. You slip it to him when his dick gets hard, okay? All right? Look, I killed my whole team down in Florida. That's why they brought me up here. It's because they knew I was dedicated. Didn't always coach in

Minnesota, you know. I, as a coach, I've poked the most people on ice. So you can get at Hans a little bit here because he kind of makes this. Well, wait a second. I don't want to leave the look in that Sports Illustrated because it is when we were introduced to

Oh, of course. Eldon Hanson. I believe is his name. Henson, I think. Henson. Yeah. He's credited as a different name of this movie because his brother is also in this movie. Oh, weird. Which is weird, but we know him as L. L. What is it? Eldon. Elvin. Ron Hubbard.

Eldon Henson. Eldon Henson. As Eldon Ratliff. Yes. But there's another ratliff in this movie. Anyway, they, so what happens is I saw divorce. Oh, definitely. They are debating about like which District 5

kid is going to get to like jerk off to Sports Illustrated first. Nice. And when then happens, a couple of nastiacs hawks like descend on them on rollerblades of course that's that's the the outside hockey hockey well it was 1992 you were legally

obliged to wear rollerblades outside regardless of your hockey there's a scene later where the the ducks train on roller blades and they go to the mall and they're like pushing old ladies into fountains and they're eating shit it's hilarious great great but so Eldon Hansen comes in

here and saves the ducks and you sort of beats up these hawks and whatnot. It's sort of weird to watch Eldon Henson as a bruiser. Like, you know what I mean? I guess as a kid, he was probably a taller kid

and he might be a little older than everybody else anyway. Yeah. But I mean, this is the kid from, she's all that. You know what I mean? Daredevil.

Daredevil. He's foggy Nelson. Like, not a bruiser. Yeah. I think he's great though. Yeah. I mean, he never like, I mean, daredevil is probably like the biggest thing.

I mean, this movie was huge too. It was huge in this. But like, I've always liked him, you know? So like, Even though like Fidel Hands, which is not a good movie, he's in that as well. Not at all, yeah.

But like, you know, Foggy Nelson. Yeah. Comics greatest fucking baby. You know, it was still cool to see him in that. I mean, but the whole character hinges on it being revealed that he's a big sweetie. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. They start out that way.

Right. I mean, they're very lucky that these Hawks weren't carrying their hawks branded knives. No, definitely not. A little carve a little into their cheek. Eldon Henson, one of the one of the few to like go. all three films. Oh, really? Yeah. He was like 28 years old in the last one. By the time I think of that third one, dude, they're in like a private school, which is like a high school. I don't entirely remember the plot of that. He's definitely in his early 20s at that point. Most of them had to have been. Yeah. I'm not going to watch anymore. I watched maybe 10 minutes and it was too stone watching that Mighty Duck series. I imagine he shows up maybe. There is an episode. I looked up all these guys in Wikipedia to see what the deal was with a lot of them. apparently there is an episode, it's like the sixth episode of this Disney Plus show

called like the Spirit of the Ducks or something and a lot of them come back for that. So it must be Emilio maybe buses them all in or something. The fact that it acknowledged that they were a part of it, I was like, ah, shit, are you going to watch this now? Yeah, that's how they get you, dude. That's how the Disney gets you.

Because we didn't do it at the top. But like this for me, the first two movies, for me as a kid, I was watching these incessantly, especially because the second one has way more street hockey and that was like my thing. It does. I've only seen the first one a ton.

I probably saw the second one once maybe. Same. Never saw the third one. Never watched it a lot and I did not watch the news series. Sorry everyone. Yeah, you should apologize. Kenan is in D2, right? Keenan is in D2.

And that is when they, it's some weird, they're like, you know where we could get some players is the inner city. And you're like, go goo. Because the second movie is like they, Emilio is offered the job of coaching like the American hockey team in the Goodwill games happening in L.A. And so they're like, oh, we heard there's this cool like street hockey team in like downtown L.A. or like whatever the deal is. There's Keenan and he does, he very famously does the knuckle puck in that movie. So does Gordon Bombay make it to the minor leagues as a hockey player

because this film ends with him going off to do that. He does. He makes it into the minors. Bullshit. I know. But there's got to be a height thing that's like a roller coaster. You must be this tall to play professional sports. Someone should have told him who is bullshit, Steve,

because he has a career ending knee injury right at the start of the film. But there's no way you could do minor league hockey. It's not like, he can play on like his law firm's hockey team or something like that. He's, minor league is like you're a real, you're a paid hockey player. At the end of it, he has to walk away from his law degree that he spent so long earning and so much money paying for. Because he's a rotten defense attorney and it's irredeemable. So he has to become a minor league player who then blasts his knee apart apparently. Yeah, there's, he gets, I think like another player, there's like a slashing.

situation or something and he gets like injured and that's the end of it and he's just got to be a coach and at the end of D2 Bombay goes to that guy's house and shoots him in the head yeah it's fucking great dude it's like when Jesse kills

Gail and Breaking Bad he just knocks on the door and Emilio shoots this dude in the face played by Tony Shaloub I won you bastard so the team sort of starts to get together there Gordon Real

there's a moment where he thinks flopping is going to be their thing. Right. And Charlie doesn't want to do that. And Charlie quits the team. And like it turns into this whole big thing. And then like he realized, Gordon gets confronted by Hans. Hans. His good friend.

Yeah. Jossackland. He is diplomatic immunity from, of course, lethal weapon. Do you? He's also denomalous from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. I know him from much more than that. From Bogie's Journey. Oh, is it bogus journey?

Yeah, sorry. And I believe he's got himself in the apple. I'm sure he was he got in the apple? Look at this. All villains. It was very weird to see him play this character. It was like, hello, I'm a very sweet old man that makes ice hockey skates. Gordon, you know, I didn't always do this before this.

I was very deep in South African politics. Oh, shit, dude. I had to fake my own. I had a very successful Blood Emerald Mine Me and my son Elon You could have You could have gone all the way, Gordon

if it wasn't of puberty And the fact that You know, you're 5, what, 5, 4, 5, 5, 5 maybe, Dubs Yes, and look at this right above the register A newspaper clipping that says Gordon Shucks Do you remember what you shuck?

I kept this one specifically, I thought it was funny and said, Gordon's sunk shit. They put shit in a newspaper. This fucking dude is like, oh, why did you have to hang that one up? It was so, I was so difficult. And my dad died right after that.

Oh, those two things aren't related. Your father died, but you shock. A friend of father's obituary. It's over here. A framed. Here's the first. A great obituary.

Here's the first dollar my store ever made, and up here is your father's obituary. Both, I think, are hilarious to me because I've drawn moustaches on both George Washington and your death father. Whenever I need to laugh, I think about you. Look, I couldn't help myself. It looks a lot like Yosemitee Sam with a hat. Here, Gordon, I have made you very special hockey skates.

Are you a four and a half, I'm guessing? you've got a tiny little baby feet oh yes your kind of foot yeah what the fuck happened to the father because this is where we get the flashback of like his dad's taking him right because I always wanted to be

your actual father and the only way I could do it was to murder yours I blamed it on that BTK what a fool he was not ready to make the ultimate hockey player I was. The thing

that's awesome about Hans's sports shop, you get this establishing shot, it's like, you know, after, you know,

Gordon has sort of totally bottomed out because they refused to take the dives and all of that stuff. And he's trying to like re-evaluate his life

so he goes to see Hans. Did you get a look at this establishing shot? This fucking, it's a Hans's sports shop. Hans's sport castle, ladies and gentlemen. But it's like,

from, it's in the middle of nowhere, apparently. Like, I don't even know where anyone's going. Look, you're not going to see it. You have to, you have to make a special trip out there. Yeah, no, we are not on any map you can find. Only hockey insiders may find their way to Hans. The town of Transylvania, Minnesota. Look, this is the only place where you can get hockey sticks made of bones.

Oh, definitely, dude, he needs some of those. But I think Hans is taking. Gordon, for all those words, like, you know what? These kids need real, real hockey equipment. Why don't you get your boss to write a check for $15,000 to Hans? Yeah, there is a montage of them going into the sports shop, buying all this shit, and the registers up to like seven large, and you're like, yeah, you know what, Winner Loo, Hans takes the day.

Your pocket five, my pocket three. But yeah, you know, he rediscoveres his love. We do see a flashback of his dad in an adorable Tom Landry hat. That's kind of fun. I just don't get this Tom Landry hat. You got to dress this guy like a hockey dad. I don't understand it. There's never any like.

With a big beer sullen mustache too. Absolutely. And then, yeah, that's again, like hockey dudes in the 70s. Athletes of all kinds. The Scuss stash was king. And he should be screaming and bullying him too. because that shows you how he falls in love with Lane Smith the way

he does. He's still being nice to this piece of shit. In his adulthood he's being nice to him. Wouldn't you hate this fucker? I would. Nothing says like 1970s parenting like a smack in the face. Absolutely. Nice fucking. It's in the 70s. Lydne Smith could have hit him.

I'm going to hit your kids. Oh yeah. I'm a coach. Absolutely. It's a 19-70s smack the shit out of you. He's paddling them with hockey sticks and just like slapping that ass. And then, like, some guy is filming it going, oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, you're not, yeah, you're not, you're not, you're not up to the skill of the greats in the NHL, if that even exists at this. Well, of course, I mean, that's, I mean, the thing is, his name is Gordon Bombay.

The dad is calling him Gordy in this flashback. Gordy how one of the all-time grades. Yeah. So, like, it's, it's weird because you don't, they don't give you anything about this dad. I mean, except the naming and he's calling him Gordy. so you have to believe it's not like my son wants to play this fucking hockey like clearly the family

is involved in the sport for sure. Yeah, I named you Gordy hoping you'd be a great leg Gordial or chicken Parker or Sam McNugget Sam McNugget. Sam McNugget Sam McNugget had a fucking killer slap shot dude. Don't even worry about it.

Whatever. So then he discovers Okay, yeah, he asks Mr. Ducksworth to sponsor the team. This dude writes a check of 15 large. He's not super happy about it, but he'll do it, you know. He'll do it. I want to point out in this, we're shopping at Hanses and getting all this expensive gear and whatnot, because there's no cheap hockey gear. It's only expensive.

And also, it's marked up. Gordon, listen, see if you can get 15,000. He's going to bulk at it, but I'll make the paperwork work. Yeah, yeah, is really the cost is around seven. But 15,000 built you this fucker. I'd love to see it. Gordon, let me tell you about customized jerseys. Very expensive. And we can get somebody very good to do the duck.

Do you know anyone in your accounting department? Because if, okay, good. Then we could definitely sell you $7 water bottles. And I think you need a hundred of them. You never know who in the stands might be thirsty for a duck water bottle. but what you might also want is a vacation house in vermont in this we're shopping montage because it's 1992 you bet your bippy good vibrations is playing do you think that they wanted to do I'm too sexy and then they realized it was about kids they're like they can't do that so they're

good vibrations which is only one 10th less dirty yep you're no you're totally right it's a thing where it was like just like on automation like yeah and then this scene that comes in it's a montage they're going to be picking out hockey gear trying stuff on that's an I'm too sexy outweigh it's children good vibrations

good vibrations and then the rest of it is like dumber versions of the house is rocking yes the burgers burning better the burgers burn it the burger is burning it's cheap

okay what do you want what do you want for me? It worked for the scene. Nobody's listening. Look, you don't want to pay for a trademark song. This is what an untrademark song sounds like. Let me ask you something. Do you hear the blues riff? Good. Shut the fuck up. They wind up getting Eldon Henson on the team. They also get Tammy and her brother who are, they're like figure skaters, I guess. Well, Tammy is a figure skater. Tommy is Little Pete. Ah, yes. Danny Tamborelli. Danny Tamborelli. Who, I've been saying this for years. I don't know if I've ever said it.

on the air. I know he's like a New York guy. Danny Tamborelli would love to hang out with that guy. I saw him once at a bar. And it was just a real like, I'm not going to bother. Oh, you weren't like affiliated. Because I know he's done like sketch in New York. Yeah, I think he said hello to a friend of mine once. And I was like, oh, that's something or other, you know. Want to put it out there. MC Ganey. You want to hang out at a bar. Definitely. Dude, can you imagine the four of us hanging out with Danny Tamborelli and MC Ganey? That's a fucking night and a half. I'll tell you right now. That would be amazing. I would just, you know, I'd be like, hey, MC Ganey, want to go get dinner and fucking leave these guys? And then just now it's me and M.C. Daney, Ganey, getting dinner.

Hey, MC, Ganey, let's go to a separate steakhouse dinner. I'll talk about seeing your dick inside. Yeah, he's going to say, I was going to make a pledge. Mr. Ganey, I swear I won't ask about the dip. I've seen it many times. I know it's not, you know, the best looking dick, but it's fine, you know. I would talk to him about his Roland Conner, a swamp thing. Well, mentioned that he was very scary on lost.

He played a very terrifying antagonist on that show. He'd probably kill you at the end of the night. Yeah, for sure. Oh, Stephen, you're picking up the check for all these steaks in Manhattan's, right? Yeah, okay, good. Let me show you this knife I have after dinner. Now, Steve, and I explain to you, I'm a cannibal, and I need fresh meat. You know what that means, right, boy?

That sense of it, right? I'd let emceeigainee eat me. Man, oh, fuck, E. B.M.C. Ganey. That's a good t-shirt. E.M.C. Gany. Sounds like an offspring song. I already picked up two very strong young men, you know. But, you know, it is summer. We can have some marbling, some ribs. Yeah, it's me, M.C. Gany. I'm just fixing to end my shift here at the chocolate factory.

There is, this is the other thing I just found it in my notes. Another fucking heinously racist bit that's going on. somewhere around here between buying all the stuff at Hans's store and then fucking Gordon Bombay getting in a tickle fight with a child outside of his apartment building

there is a scene where Emilio is actually like doing some real coaching and he's teaching them some basics which I've never really understood before and he's trying to tell them how like you know you don't stop the puck you cradle it so he's using like this egg as an you know don't break the egg

if you cradle it, yadda, whatever. Averman, the fucking Rob Schneider comedian of the group, definitely doing fucking Mr. Miyagi impressions. Oh, yeah. Hotchi, machia. I think fucking Pat Marita made some phone calls in 1992 after this. Hey, Bombay!

The fuck's all this egg all over my fucking hockey ring! That's a great call. The poor Zamboni operator, dude. Holy shit. Well, he gets, I mean, in one scene, he gets egg all over sweat, this fucking thick Cosby sweater he's wearing. I'm like, that thing's got to go in the garbage. Egg yolk. I've said previously

is like cum. If it gets on you, the thing, the garment goes in the garbage. It's okay to get cum on you, folks. Yeah, but here's the thing though, come, water's soluble. That's true. Egg yolk, definitely dude, come, it's from the earth. Steve, you say that. Try

getting it off of ice. Yes, exactly. Come on ice. Come on ice. I do some research I bet there's a movie I could watch There's definitely Maybe the cutting edge When they're fucking

The hockey and the Is that an adult movie? No, that's a romantic comedy I want to watch the parody The coming edge It's a D.B. Sweeney join in my hour Yeah, it is It's D.B. Sweeney, I don't remember the woman

You edge and then you come And then you come again. The coming edge definitely is a hockey porn parody So they get the jerseys, they start playing well. And at this point, I think this is when Gordon Bob, it's a part of the way I never understand. The movie doesn't need another kid. There's so many kids already.

You've got Danny Tamburelli, you barely break him out of the glass. And it's like, the team needs this Adam Banks because of the districting and blah, blah, blah. It's just a way to fuck over Lane Smith. There is honest to goodness redlining. Yes. Happening in this Minnesota pee-wee hockey league. I appreciate it, though, because it shows you how far gerrymandering is gone. It's even for pee-wee hockey.

Absolutely, dude. But, like, it's amazing because, like, I didn't, like, blink at this when I was a kid, but I'm like, that's a really shitty thing to do to the kids. Yes, of course. Like, now I'm like, that's fucked up, Bombay. Like, you're the villain now. Well, because that's the weirdest part is, like, the kid doesn't want to play for you.

The other kids don't want him either. And it's like, it's like, oh, we've got this great chemistry. But now we need a ringer. You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. But at the same time, it's like the Hawks are this like Nazi team. Yeah. It's like maybe we're saving this kid.

That's true. And Banks continues into the other movies. He's got a big thing going on in part two. Don't want to spoil that. I mean, I agree with you, Eric. But like when they're making. making this deal, they don't know that. They could be dealing with the little

gerbils going over here, come over to my fucking duck team. That is true. And it is, I mean, Gordon Bombay decides to throw his entire life in the toilet over this decision. Because, like, yeah, the dad, it's kind of this amazing thing where the dad, you know, he's like,

oh, well, his brothers were hawks and all his little friends are hawks. Like, what are you doing? He's like, blah, blah, blah. And like, his boss is best friends with this guy so he gets called to do a meeting with his boss. This dad and Lane Smith is in his office. Absolutely.

It sucks ass. And this is like, it's a bit heart wrenching because this is where you realize Mr. Duxworth is a fucking son of a bitch, man. But Mr. Duxworth, I mean, like, this is a wrongful termination suit if there ever was one. Holy shit. Oh, yeah.

Absolutely. Because he's like, all right, Gordon, because the whole thing is like, oh, okay, we've talked to the league. The whole deal is Adam Adam can stay on the Hawks for this season and then in the off season we're going to do a

little more gerrymandering. Don't worry about it. We're going to redraw the district lines again and Adam will then like quote unquote legally be part of the Hawks. Yeah. But the stipulation is Emilio has to go along with it. And Emilio is like you can fucking s my deed, Mr. Ducksworth.

You told me after I got that fucking sick Dewey that you wanted me to learn about fucking teamwork, you know, about playing as a fair play. A fair play. Exactly. So you can fucking S that D dude because you were trying to screw over right now through this like, oh, he's my, Adam Banks' dad is my friend sort of situation.

Man, when I was a kid, I dreamt of nothing so hard as being able to quit a job and say, quack, quack, quack, Mr. Duckworth. Yeah. That's something to someone like that. Absolutely. Well, you should, that's the thing is you need, you need to go on like LinkedIn and whatever else and like find some job

that has a boss named Mr. Duxworth. Or like a Johnny Moo Cow or something. I could go work for Tammy Duxworth. Yeah, that's that. Oh dude, yes. Absolutely. And they're like, crack, crack, crack, quack. If anyone out there has quit Team Ducksworth

working for the United States government and you fucking went out that way, you're a true hero and you have earned a spot right here on We hate movies. You can come on anytime and talk about it. You fucking told that job to go. But yes,

then he like forces his other kid on the team. And now this is the final team. And I love how like Hans is like, you can still be in the playoffs. Like, well, no, he lost like 100 games. Like, no, don't worry about it. The movie is okay. This is Peeway.

It's a bullshit. It's everyone gets into the playoff. Well, it's kind of funny because what are they saying? There's one team where there was like some sort of health crisis. the measles. And they had to forfeit the entire season. Jesus. This whole team got COVID-19. This bubble didn't work. Yeah, the measles got the measles. I infected them, Gordon, for you. I wanted you

to make the playoffs. Four children died. I snuck in with the syringe and put it in their bottoms. There's a standoff between Gordon Bombay and Lane Smith's coach Ryan. Riley here where Gordon uses some sarcasm. Oh, yes. And these dumb-ass rat children don't know what that is. And so they're like, oh, Coach Bombay said we'd all be

better off dead. Let's quit the team. We're killing ourselves. We're going to right, hitching a ride on the Hail Bob comment. Beating you to the punch, coach. But this is when all the kids get like detention or whatever and like Gordon has to because they start quacking

at their teacher at the same time. But this is the science class meltdown? Yeah. And here's some more inappropriate jokes for children. It's like the teacher's like, what are you guys doing with all my blue balls? Oh, yeah. Because this, yeah, it's a chemistry class.

Yeah. The teacher is trying to say like, all right, like this red ball represents hydrogen. Uh-huh. And this blue ball. And they're like, he-he-he-he. But how do they end? No, are their dads watching Andrew Dice Clay? It's got to be.

Dude, someone's fucking perverted uncle or something. The Dice Man? The Dice Man could be at the heart of it all. I think that's it. I mean, I have to be like, Ed O'Neill is not saying blue balls, peg. No, I mean. Married with children never ventured into the blue ball territory. Somehow blue balls returned.

No, like, I just don't understand how that became a huge thing in popular nomenclature. But it is. It is. Because it was another thing. that women are withholding for much. Yeah, exactly. Also, everybody loves fun alliteration. Blue balls. Yep. That's true.

But it's a thing where, like, you're in the theater in 1992 as a little kid who's just going to see a little kid movie. You don't know what's going on with that joke. That's for all the dads out there, taking the kids I still don't. You'll have to explain it to me after the program. Oh, right. We'll talk about it. We'll get a sports illustrated out. There is a thing, though,

the whole sequence of like they're in a class and they get in a fight because like one of the kids talk shits about Charlie's mom fucking the coach and whatever the situation is they get into this whole fight I don't know if it's Averman is one of these kids starts screaming Attica and I'm like which one of these children has seen dog day after you great question hey Charlie I heard there was three condoms in your toilet last day yeah shut up they means I'm getting a new dad. Shut the fuck up. You don't have a stepdad. You just have a normal dad. That's a worst dad. They die. Step dads don't die.

If you were getting a real daddy, be nothing in her wrong. That means he's into it. But, you know, he comes in. And the line that is, even as a little kid, this lot, like, He comes in and he explains, look, I was being sarcastic, you know, do you want to play this game and get to the playoffs or do you want to throw this whole thing away? And they say, playoffs. And they're like, you really quacked at your teacher.

Are we ducks or what? And that, that line has always been like, I feel like that was like the screenwriter like slamming his head against all. Like, how do I end this scene? Is it? Yeah. Take this job and shot. I don't know. Are we ducks or what? Also, these kids are now doing like the Bart Simpson punishment of like, I'm on. Quank, I'm 19. Absolutely. I want to say, Steve, because you're right, it is a weird, like, why would you say that? I think part of it, and I haven't watched it. I mean, I don't know if I've ever seen it, but like that to me seems like a trailer line. Yes.

You know, and it's like, we're going to put, are we ducks or what? You know, and like the trailer just goes from there. Well, coach, what do you mean? we're ducks. What? What? We're weird dicks? You're saying I got a corkscrew dick coach? I understand. I'm really confused. Show me your corkscrews when you get out there.

Cork screw. Cork screw. Cric screw. These kids dancing with their pants down. Like, look at my twisted dick. Now give me the coming edge. They do one special move, which is the flying V. illegal. Is it? You can't create like a wall of

obstruction like that. Wow. You can't, yeah, like it's like a defensive move or whatever. But that's like supposed to be a bird thing, right? Yes. But ducks don't fly. This is more of like geese shit. Ducks fly. Ducks fly. Yeah. No, no, no. Are you thinking of penguins? No, no, no. But do. Okay, fellas. The Canadian geese migrate and they

make the V when they do that, right? Ducks don't do that. I think ducks do do that. Comment in the book. Comment below. Any fucking, you know, ornithologists out there? Oh, please. Yes. I think you're thinking of, uh, uh, penguins.

Penguins or ostriches. Anyway, I live near some ducks and I'll tell you watch it. Do a V. Come on, you little bastards, do a V for me. Get fucking flying. I've never seen ducks do a V, but maybe they do. Um, but there's a line in here where Gordon in Bombay is like, come on. Ducks, ducks are tough.

They're, you know, like, you never see another animal attack a duck or whatever, because everyone's afraid of them. But I, oh, my God, I saw an eagle fighting a duck and it was the most exhilarating things. This eagle was trying to eat a fucking duck in, in a, I'm not kidding. And I stopped my day. I watched this for 30 minutes because the eagle kept flying down, putting its towns down into the water trying to get this duck and the duck would keep going underwater. Right. And the eagle would not get him. And this

continued to happen. People were stopping on the street. So the eagle would like swoop, fly back, swoop fly back. Yeah. Until eventually the eagle gave up and that duck won. Wow. That duck turned that pond into butter. Absolutely.

Oh man. That eagle. That eagle going to be made fun of by all his other eagle friends. Absolutely. That guy was getting shit on for months literally because it's birds. They were just shitting on him. Let's see here. Google do ducks fly. It's in a capable of flying. What? Most

species of ducks have wings that are short strong. I think they can do like seven feet at a time. Oh, really? They don't fly? According to Google, which might be taken over. No, I think you're probably right. I think I'm just an idiot. I don't know. How do you like that? Wow. How do you like that?

It was the geese all along, Eric, you're right. Wait, wait, wait, maybe I'm wrong. This says it's incapable of flying. Most species of ducks have wings that are short, strong, and pointed to accommodate the birds need for fast, continuous strokes, me on me too. As many duck species migrate long distance in the winter months,

but not all ducks fly. Oh. So what, they just walk to Florida? I can't. You get a bus pass. Do you get a bunch of ducks on a bus? sign me up for that documentary. A thing that will always make me laugh

no matter what is a duck with a little hat and a briefcase. Oh, of course. Every time. Every time. That is a businessman duck. He's got places to be. You know what this movie could have used instead of our

really somber opening? A cartoon beginning. You got the Walt Disney Corporation. They ought to draw a fucking duck. Absolutely. They have a very famous duck on staff. He's been working there for 70 years. Donald is a hockey outfit. I'm having fun.

No, you have to have the grim tones and listen, Gordon. You're going to fuck your life up. You're going to fuck your life up and your entire family's life up. You don't make this fucking go. It's weird that like this movie's in Minnesota and there's no Minnesota accents at all.

They don't even do that. Not one fucking replacement song. Are you fucking serious here? Or you, what if they were like, you know, Gordon is like, oh, you know, I got to go. got to figure out, I've got to connect with the old team, the old hawks team. And he meets up with Mike Yanigita, you know, like, oh shit, Gordon, I've been so lonely. Oh, Gordon, my wife, I don't remember what happened to her necessarily.

Where she died. So some ducks do fly and they do fly in a V. Okay. So then all right. It's a little bit of both. Oh, so you're learning something new every day. So everyone was right. Yeah, it's a South Park ending.

There you go. Nothing matters. matters. You shouldn't care about anything. Who we do meet, though, is Basil McRae and Mike Medano to actual real-life NHL players right before we get a Dr. John accentuate the positive montage. But it's a weird thing where, like, they remember Gordon Bombay from, like, the pee-wee days? And this dude has got the most Canadian accent. Oh, yeah, we remember you from Pewies, eh?

Oh, yeah, Mike Madonna. no way. Yeah, definitely American 100%. He's like, no. And he's like, oh yeah, you can try out and you'll win. And this, you can see the difference between Emilio Estevez and a hockey player. And it's a huge

difference. I mean, even though these dudes, like, they're coming off the ice and they still have their skates on, regardless Amelia was cricking his neck trying to look up with these guys. And just the show, the way these dudes are built, they're just, you're built like a fucking tree house. I mean, Emilio

and Tom Cruise are both the people who really would want, like, elevator shoes. Yes. Like Inspector Gadget style, just be able to spring up a little bit here. Now, are the stars, the actual Minnesota hockey team? So the Minnesota North Stars were a hockey team in Minnesota. They left in hilariously, the year after this movie came out, 93. They became the Dallas Stars. That's what I was mixed up.

And it was in 2000, Minnesota got a pro team back. It's called the Minnesota Wild. and they are still there. Okay. But yeah, so this is, it's a weird, like, the hockey team you're seeing in this movie doesn't exist anymore. They're in Texas.

It's like seeing a Celtics thing. Or Sonics thing, you mean? Buzz and Celtics are definitely... No, the Celtics don't use. Depends on who you ask. Medellar effect, right? Well, do they still have the weird logo, the guy, the Irishman thing?

Of course. I think, yeah, the Irishman. He's around. Yeah, he's still around. He's around. He's around. Everyone in Boston just looks like that. It's true. They all wear the hat. It's either that or sometimes you just see like the loose like shamrock on something. But I think

the, yeah, the little leprechaun guy is still floating around here. A Walter Mathau with like a monocle. Yes, I'm very much a fan of the Boston Celtics. So they wind up like going ripping shit through the playoffs. We get a montage of the playoffs. You get all

these like hockey magazine. that are writing about it. Yeah. And my favorite part is the end where it's like, oh, it's the ducks and the hawks of the playoffs. And it's this dramatic lighting, like, professional photograph of Emilio Estevez and Lane Smith. I'm like, no

way in this rinky ding pee-wee shit you get this guy of coverage. It's like a fucking high stakes boxing match. Yes, exactly. This poster. It's like a Vanderholefield fighting fucking Emilio Estabez. It's crazy. And when the ducks get into the semifinals, there's a, there's a, we,

get a newspaper thing of the the number one like hockey newspaper yes in the country yep is running a story about the ducks getting into the semifinals of a peewee league in suburban Minnesota uh-huh well remember this is 1992 and magazines were still all the rage that's true you can have a publication for anything gordon bombay should have gotten himself don king oh totally he would have really pumped up the audience the best coach of all times Gordon Bombay, Ma'amay. It's a great name.

Gordon Bombay, you can really sell that name. Absolutely, you could. Yeah, Bombay's bombers, you know. Somewhere there's a Gordon Bombay that's a drink and you can get it and you get smashed. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. It's in Minnesota.

There's four different kinds of tequila in it. Yeah, you know, right into the mailbag, we all ate movies at gmail.com about your Minnesota experience with this movie because I feel like this has had to have been some type of cultural impact. Oh, big. time. Oh, big time. And I'm sure like it's negative. Oh, yeah. Like, everyone's like, shut the

fuck up about the mighty ducks. Yeah, they have a hawk's drink and it tastes like shit. Oh, you can't order the hawk's drink. That's just so the bartender pisses in a big martini glass. Well, Lane Smith passed away so he's not here to spit in the drink. So we've got

to have to stop calling it. Now we call it Elaine Smith. It's a malorten piss. Which is witch. You know what, dude? Just give me the this. But yeah, so they the big like final game happens, right? And there's this big

I appreciate most of this is the national anthem on mute. Yes. Because I just can't. It's just one of the worst songs of all time. I know this is like the final or whatever, but really just pumping the fucking national anthem. And the way they have these kids that just

like standing on the ice like next to each other staring up at a massive American flag. Yeah. And it's all like kind of quiet. It's like it's a little over dramatic but I got to tell you this is 1992 and the bold cuts are out tonight ladies. Yeah they are. You look at the haircuts

on both of these teams but especially the hawks because it's all just like little weiner white kids. Yeah. The bull cuts woo full force. Well the furor Lane Smith wants the bull cut. He wants a uniform. No listen here. they cannot fight a team

of all Moe Howards Listen, no Larry or Curly in the mix But if we had all Moes Be unstoppable And it will truly be a planet Of Moes They'll throw them off the game What's that Gordon? You just got a bunch of your fake shamps

Over here Oh, that little Goldberg's a bit of a curly Ain't he any there what did you do you pay a baby to draw that duck so the hawks get out to an early lead obviously and then Banks scores this goal and then Lane Smith in a crazy move I want banks taking out

I want him getting out of here to fucking buy yeah I will concuss a child I want you to take your skate off and cut his throat with the blade we are just doing the karate kid yes absolutely And my favorite fucking line

in this entire movie his best friend nails him and I think one of the other Hawks like oh my God what'd you do

and the kid like it's any given Sunday or fucking raging bull and it just goes my job

any given Sunday raging bull or the good son I want this I want a spin off of the my job kid yeah because what

happened of that dude do to high school into college. Something tells me job at a chocolate factory. That's Lane Smith's grandkid. Good job, Jeremy. Because they nail him and then he like gets, he gets the goal, so he gets a goal, but he's not a stretcher.

My favorite part also, by the way, Banks is to show, A, I don't understand why anyone would go to this, but the stands are packed. Big time. He, the idea that you would go to a kids hockey game and then root against your own child because you have a rooting interest in the hawk? Dude, this dad is wearing a hawk's jacket and sitting

with exclusively Hawks fans. It's twisted as fuck. Like, I hope my son loses so Lane Smith can win. Yeah. You just have to imagine he's coming, like, imagining coming home the night with the hawk swim, like,

oh, look who's a duck now? Looks like the hawk came down and tore you duck a bot. Adam. Yeah, that's right. You fucking put Adam in it by kitten the stretcher. Go Hawks! Good job, Lane Smith. Coach of the year.

No, I mean, look, he was the best player he had to take him out. Yeah, I know it's my son, but it's the Hawks. It's awesome. And then they'd get another goal because we remember that we have this character that does figure skating and she does

the figure skating thing. It's just like, wait, what? A girl. and she's doing moves that are good. Can't just be swinging a fucking stick around like that though. Again, just flagrantly throwing the rules in the garbage. And then Eldon Henson, they like somebody, somebody slams her too, which is amazing. Which is funny as fuck.

But how is she not a bigger character? Like she shows up to do like the circle around figure skating. You need to. I mean, like even Charlie isn't that big. Like the kids kind of just are an amorphous. like you forget about them like yeah because we're so focused on getting Emilio laid. Exactly. You do

get a lot of Averman because he does steal very well. Yeah, he he's doing quite a lot of it and he's doing it great. I mean it's a weird thing. Mancia to shame. It's tough. It's not like the sandlot which one of these kids is also in. Of course. You know, where it's like

you don't have helmets on these kids the whole time. So it is kind of hard like yeah how am i fucking following all these little monsters around what are they doing you can tell a danny tamborelli because he's like seven years old he's shorter than everybody else in the team you just need less kids or less like because there's that other guy that is with connie the girl who's like her boyfriend and he has like ghee who's got nothing no no character traits that's fine you need more of those dudes yeah that are just like i'm red-haired guy you know what i mean like and then push the kids you want up front. Well, because also, because you have, so the guy we were talking about

Jesse Hall, he's played by Brandon Adams, has a brother. Yes. It's the other part of the Oreo line. What's a Jesse Smollett? It's Jesse Smollett. Yeah. Who has no lines in this movie. Yes. Oh, really? Yeah. Jesse Smollett, dude. There's one scene where like he tries to say that this dude was hooking him. Yeah. But it was total bullshit. They caught it on camera and he wasn't hooked. Embattled actor Jesse Smollett. That's right. Yeah. But like, yeah, he's also like, he's on the team.

You see him a lot, but he's not saying a lot. And that's the thing. There's too many kids in this movie that have like the one-liners and the snazzy dialogue and everything. It's impossible to give all of them real estate. Because I'll call him Leather Jacket kid, the one who's like really who's a tough kid or whatever. Eldon Hanson's character? No, no, the little one who's like, who doesn't know what sarcasm is. That kid and Averman overrunner.

lap. They should be one character. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Yes. We got to start shoving some of these kids together. I think other kid was in the sand was the one who's also in the sand lot. And like I mean, you have to imagine they couldn't afford ham. Oh, well, ham. No, ham was too much of

a start. No, he was ready to be in the big green doing, eating Goldberg's lunch a little bit there. The cover. Yeah. That other fucker got the cover. Exactly. He just got over. Hit right the nuts with that soccer ball. No. The other guy was the cover as well. Oh, the other cover. I just remember

the Emilio Estevez pointing at the guy. Goldberg is the cover. He's got the bubble gum coming through the mask or whatever. But the guy who's in Sandlot cabin is one half of the quote unquote Oreo line. It's Jesse Hall. Oh, right. Brandon Adams' character. He goes

on to be in the sandlot the next year playing Kenny de Nunez. Okay. So that's two goals. And now, all the, and Ellen Hansen gets another goal and then he immediately gets kicked out of the game because he beats him up for beating up Tammy.

Totally. And now it's all up to Charlie. You know, it's like, we need a penalty shot. Who do I want to? Oh, whose mom no want to fuck? Okay. Charlie, it's Charlie. And here's the thing, right? This is the, when Homer Simpson becomes the football coach. Yeah. And makes Bart the quarterback because

everybody in, like, the referee comes up and he's like, all right, coach, you know, penalty. a shot, free to pick whoever takes the shot. And he's like, got it. Hey, everybody who wants to take the shot? And the whole team resoundingly is, oh, Ghee, the kid

who's done nothing in the movie, he should take the shot. And he's like, well, hey guys, what about Charlie? Well, what about Charlie? You're fucking going downtown and his mom. That's what Charlie. Look, I'm trying to secure a really nice night tonight, okay, fellas. Why don't you just help me out here?

But he, you know, and like, Charlie, very pointedly Emilio is like look it doesn't matter if you win or lose it's blah blah blah you know So that's that's him like you know like I'm not going to be like Lane Smith I'm not going to say that your life is over if you miss this but let me tell you your mom's going to be a little sour if you do so fucking get it in because I want to get it in Here's the thing Charlie no pressure but I will marry your mom if you hit the hit the shot If you don't I'm going to fucking hit it and quit it my friend I'll talk to you later

never see me again, but I'll steal your silverware out of your house. Yeah, don't worry, buddy. I might leave you a little brother. Hey, Charlie, what are you going to stay at Averman's today? What are you in you and Averman bunk up for the night? It's Saturday night tonight. His favorite show is on. Everybody, uh, duck's sleepover, huh? Quack, quack, quack, I'll be over here. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. There's a $19. Go to Blockbuster. Get a, an act two popcorn on me.

dude $19 in 1992 in a blockbuster you have in the time of your life also why did that dude not fork over the other dollar for $20? Hey, you got a pack of gum earlier in the day. A king's ransom and then they're getting

karate kid for sure. He triple deeks, he wins. And I again, if I'm Emilio, I'm going up to Lane Smith. Like, hey, you know what's weird, Lane? You're the world's greatest fucking coach. What I did right there, I didn't put pressure on him. And now he performed better.

Think about it, asshole. Think about it. The bummer is Gordon Bombay in this movie gives Lane Smith's character like a sort of a big fuck you like before the win happens. That's right. Because he's like, you know what, Riley, it sucks that I spend so many years caring about what you think or whatever he says to you. But once they win, there's no like, oh, hey, coach Riley,

fucking eat my dirty beanbag dude. fuck you man like you need some sort of taunting you definitely does not have it and coach riley does not appear in any of the season oh come on he's the most important character well in part two dude they're fighting some gnarly icelandic folks oh those those motherfuckers are tough no what he should definitely do is put a purse with the dollar bill in his car oh wow look at that there's a person just in the row with a dollar hanging out it's me coach roth oh it's dog Yes, it's dog shit again. God damn you kids. Again.

Let me chase your own my nuts. Oh, man, there's, oh, if there's a dollar in here, there better be candy. Let me just open the bag and open my... Oh, no, it's dog. I mean dog shit. Oh, look at all this loose fudge in here. Thought it was a baby roof. Oh, Melton.

Oh, shit. So they win that game. And then, you know, then Gordon, Bombay becomes a minor league hockey player, I guess. He's going to try out. He doesn't know what's going to happen. And honestly, like, the fact that this movie is literally like, oh, fuck, let's get on a bus and get out of here.

I appreciate it. Yes. There's no, like, ducks in the off season, yada, yada. It's like, all right, like, I'll come back next season. He says, like, we'll see you next season. No matter what happens with me, maybe get drafted by a team. And yeah, sure, maybe moving 100. of miles away or whatever, you know.

He promises he'll be back. He takes the bus and that's kind of, not before fucking tongue kissing Charlie's mom. Absolutely. On the ice, dude. No, they're also making it out of the bus station. Oh, nice. Because all the kids go,

Ooh. Coach, make sure to come back for Valentine's Day. Oh, I'll come back. She gets into some really weird shit on Valentine's Day. Oh, mom, you blew it. He's going to be. a minor league hockey player.

Why did you fucking make them happier, mom, you idiot? Actually, I did blow it. Why did we even bother with that victorious secret montage we did together, Mom? And then the movie goes into the credits on the outfields winning it all. And I have to throw it to you, Steve.

You didn't recognize this song? No. This was like the song of the 92 bowl. The championship, when you saw the montages and whatnot, like they were playing this song all over the place. I don't remember that. But later in the credits, it's like Queens, we will rock you.

Yeah, then we will rock. Which is like, wait, we're licensing this song and we're putting it here. It is weird. The interlens of the credits. Absolutely. Yeah, it's song number two in the credits. There was a, on my VHs, I was looking for for the trailer game. a commercial for like music from the Mighty Ducks

featuring queen. And they're really queen-centric. And I'm like, yeah, but they're not in the fucking movie. That's interesting. Yeah. Yeah, it's a total fucking waste of time. If it's that far back, you might as well have big bottom girls. You don't even have the big money for we are the champions. Or you do Flash Gordon. Fuck it. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Princess of the universe. The Fletch theme. Come on. And that is the motion picture, The Mighty Ducks.

Steve, we'll throw it over to you. Would anybody recommend this motion picture? Yeah, it's a super fun movie. It's, you know, it's a little longer than you want it. You know, I think it's fine to be on the H-feed. It's not a classic, but I can see, you know, it being a nostalgia thing for you. It's super fun.

It moves in a good clip. It kind of does everything it's supposed to do, I think, pretty well. Chris Cabin. Yeah, I mean, I big recommend because I, I watched this a hundred times. Yes. And I mean, I didn't even, I didn't see the karate kid until I was in my 20s. Right.

So this was my karate kid. Yes. Thank you very much, Eric. But yeah, I mean, it does, you know, it's not the best made movie. It moves a little quickly towards the end. They're just like, get to the big game. Get to the game. Yeah.

But, you know, all the kid actors, none of them are too annoying other than the little run. Steve is right about that. That guy is bad. Fuck that kid. But, yeah, a big recommend. Eric Siska. Yeah, light recommend. I do appreciate that it moves out of the clip.

It's got good pacing. It, you know, it does what it needs to do. And it's fine. It's fine. Yeah, no, it's a big recommend for me. I grew up with this movie. The first two, I was big fans of. I think, like, by the time the third one came out,

I was just kind of, like, not paying attention to, like, kids movies in that way. Well, because that's what I think. That's what I would mean in the second movie. Like, I just feel like I aged out. Like, I liked this movie when it came out, but then I aged out at when the sequel happened. Uh-huh.

I don't know. That's how I felt. I mean, the second movie is also definitely an episode. It's not as good as this. You know, like I said, they're transplanted to L.A. They're playing in the Goodwill Games. They're facing off against, like, this Icelandic team. The mom, not the love interest.

Oh. Sub in a woman who's hired to be, like, their teacher, because they're on the road, played by Catherine Irb. So he dumps that lady? I don't know what the sitch is. I mean, he's kind of involved with the coach. There is a line somewhere in the beginning about Charlie's mom.

Is Charlie's mom going to like hang herself, dancer in the dark type of story? That I don't know. But Charlie's mom returns in the third motion picture. She didn't bork the farm. I think they vicky veil her. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, but she is physically in the third movie. Oh, that's good. I don't remember what it is. Physically. Yeah, no, but total recommend. Total recommend of this movie, you know. I think this is kind of a great example of, like, we can talk about shit on this show that we like and still make fun of it mercilessly

because I've enjoyed making fun of this movie and I really like this movie. Exactly. I got a haircut yesterday. My barber's like, you're doing what tomorrow? I'm going to do it's fine. We can do everything. It's nice. Good thing you were getting to shave, duty.

cut your throat. Absolutely. But that is going to do it for us on the first return to in studio records, which has been quite magical, I must say. The energy in this room, it's electric. Yeah. I feel it. Speaking of electric, that Patreon, my lord, we mentioned stock by my doctor earlier.

We did that on our new once in a lifetime program, which is at the $10 level. But you get so much with that. You get everything on every other level. commentaries, the nexus, the Gleep Gloucestry, animation damnation, and of course, we love movies this month, it's Escape from New York.

Yeah. Super fun episode on that. A lot of Donald Pleasant's impressions if you're into that sort of thing. Oh, I'm definitely into that sort of thing. Don't worry about it. We did an animation damnation on the critic, which is super fun. Absolutely. The Gleep Glossary this month was on General

of Year's major character in the Star Wars universe. Love them. Love them, love. of them. A sexy Melro 210 where Joe and Jake are getting it on. Oh, my God. Yeah, and Allison fucks up a three-way. Get ready for that. And if you're new to WeA movies, check out our old episodes, our Melro 210 episodes where we're talking about 90210 and Melrose place. It's a ton of fun to watch or re-watch along with us.

Absolutely. If you head over to WHMpodcast.com, there's a shows button. It links you to do all of our programs here. But as always, here on the main feed, we hate movies rolls on next Tuesday, Steve Sadek. What are we putting ourselves through? We are doing 101

Dalmatians, the Glenn Close Joint. Tie in with Disney's Cruella. Which looks terrible. It looks terrible. She's got like a word spray painted on her face or something. What's that? I'm showing up for Paul Walter Houser.

is he playing one of the dogs he's all the dogs the main dog the dad dog the no he's one of the crooks the house of this cooops that are helping her can I let you guys in on a secret what happens in

101 Dalmatians the Glenn Close version Jeff Daniels plays a video game design so look out for that shit that's hot as fun so until next week when Jeff Daniels plays a video game designer. I'm Andrew Jupe and Steven Sadek. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.

the HitGum podcast.