We Hate Movies - S11: Episode 550 - 101 Dalmatians (1996)

Episode Date: June 1, 2021

On this week's episode, the 2021 Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza kicks off with an outrageous conversation about the live-action 1996 fiasco, 101 Dalmatians! Why couldn't they make the dogs talk, a la classic cinematic masterpiece, Look Who's Talking Now? How dumb is it that Jeff Daniels's character is a video game designer? And how hard was John Hughes ripping off his own Home Alone material here? PLUS: As is the case with all WHM episodes centered around family films, this episode gets filthy! Don't listen to this one in the car with the kids! 101 Dalmatians stars Glenn Close, Jeff Daniels, Joely Richardson, Joan Plowright, Hugh Laurie, and Mark Williams; directed by Stephen Herek. Check out WHM at FRQNCY this Saturday, June 5th, 2021! Catch WHM on tour this fall, hopefully! WHM Merch Store Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, somehow, shockingly, this only works as a cartoon. It's 101 Dalmatians. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddak. Eric Siska. Woof, woof. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. That's right. We're chatting about the live action. 101 Dalmatians from 1996 directed Once again by Stephen Herrick We're having a little Herrick fest here

Disney back to back too Yeah that's a that's a whoops Double D D Ducks and Dalmatians And it's welcome to the official start Of the summer blockbuster extravagance everybody Put your sunscreen on right

Is that what this is? So much so I mean because the thing about it is Like time just blends together And you said that and I was like Well, believe it. Andrew, can you do my back? You got to do extra there because there's a lot of hair in there.

You got to get it in under the hairs. Do it harder. Do it harder. Yes, and of course, we're doing this episode because Cruella. Of course. Out now in theaters and I guess also on Disney Plus, I got to tell you this thing. I finally saw the trailer for this movie like two days ago. And before I saw the trailer, I was like, you know, that kind of looks like a dumb movie.

Now that I saw the trailer, oh, you better wait till January, friend. It looks stupid as fuck. Well, I saw I, Tanya, and I was like, this is the person. This is the person that should tackle Corella DeVille. I mean, that's what's wrong with America. Isn't it, folks? I, Tanya, a really good movie. I mean, you know, maybe you hate that movie, too.

That's fine, too. I think Tanya Harding is a hero. Exactly. But, like, oh, I wonder what that director is going to do next. Well, he's going to do the origin story. of Cruella the fucking DeVille. Whatever Disney IP is left around for somebody to do something.

But that was the whole reason, like, you know, I rewatched Interstellar recently and was just like, regardless of the beef I have with this movie, which a lot was there because the power of love. Sure. Very dumb, but original IP, like, refreshing,

like a summer breeze through the hot air. You know what I mean? I would say that's Nolan's power. I mean, even like beyond the Batman movies. He got them out of the way. And then everything else has been pretty original, even though the scripts make zero fucking sense and all attempts to make sense of

them are ridiculous. But well, speaking of something that doesn't make sense, this fucking movie. Now, guys, I'd not seen this movie before. I learned that while watching it because I was swearing up and down. Like, whoa, wait a minute, honey, get ready for it. This fucking dog

is birth in a hundred fucking thing. I'm going to see. We're going to to see a constant trail of placenta exiting dog. What is this the brood? This dog with this huge fucking pregnancy sack. I only knew about this from, you know, the pop culture zeitgeist of just hearing it. So you never saw the Disney animated version. Maybe as a child, but I have no memory of it.

But I was like, okay, 101 dimension. This is classic story of that dog that shit out of 100 kids. and then like a lady tries to kill them all what do you know why is it called 15 Dalmatians I was straight up disappointed when only 15 came out of this dog

I was speaking of the amount of dogs in this movie a lot of these are CGI right yeah that's kind of horseshit Disney you know what you want to make a live action fucking 101 Dalmatians get me 101 actual Dalmatians in one shot and now we're doing it At least throughout the course of the production, if Tribune Trivia is to be believed,

and, you know, they're not worth a damn over there at the Bezos factory. But at least what it says on there is that there was something like throughout the course of the film, not in one shot, Steve, so sorry. But I think there were, it's something like 232 Dalmatians. Sure. I didn't know that many existed. I think they kept falling into the river. But if you got that many, put a bit, you know, give me a wide lens. Like, do it like the fucking that seat in Gandhi with all those people in it.

But it's all Dalmatians. And they're just behind. Pongo as he walks to the scene. That's exciting. Terrible name for a dog, by the way. Pongo, yeah, I don't like it. So does purdy. I mean, it's so old and British, you know what I mean?

That's true. I mean, the fucking, that's what you did. Oh, I made my name. My dog, Pongo, did I? Hello, Pongo. Yeah, actually, it does sound okay in an English accent, which does bring a gripe here. Dude, as much as I love the man and I love the man,

Jeff Daniels as this American video game designer just living in foggy old London town? What is going on with that? Like, why is he there? What is this about? I don't get it. I mean, also, like, I don't think that where you want to be if you want to make video games,

you have to like move to England to make video. We've got to move to fucking Japan, dude. That's where you want to go. Well, that's the thing. So, like, correct me if I'm wrong, you know, gamers out there and whatnot. But like, in the mid-90s, was London a hotspot for game development? Maybe I don't know.

but either way, aside from him like kind of looking like the animated guy, there's no reason why you had to go with Jeff Daniels. Well, the animated guy is a fucking songwriter. He's a piano man. Like the fucking Jeff Daniels, when I think video game designer, Jeff Daniels is about as far away

from what I'm thinking about as is possible. A fucking living duck is more like what I would imagine. He's also like 10 to 15 years older than the character probably should be. You know what I mean? Like he's like a down and out kind of guy, like a bachelor. I did. I did the math and it's depressing because he was 41 when the movie came out. So he was like 40 while making it. Yeah. Yeah. So that's like two years away for me.

Sure. I'm never going to reach these heights of dog breeding and video games. I mean like the thing, but the song thing is really important though. Like, A, that makes sense. B, like he does the song, Cruella DeVille. Like it's kind of a great. Throughout. Yeah. Not just this bullshit. Oh, the inspiration of our weird puppy adventure has brought me to make Corella DeVille like the video game villain it is a straight up like this dude is like you know what honey I fucking

hate that friend from college Corella DeVille because in the animated one she's just the the is she goes to school with her? She went to school with her. Really? The wife is just a college friend of Corrella DeVille

and like when she comes stomping into that movie they're like oh Jesus fucking Crewella DeVille again. Do you imagine writing a song about how much you hate your wife's friend? And then playing it for her. Bethany sucks. Bethany sucks.

And her last name is the devil. That's not a name. I would expect that to be part of one of his weird al songs. He was writing Jolly Old London Town. Is that real? Like in the actual cartoon. In the actual cartoon, he's got a song that goes Grewell de Ville.

That is DeVille, like DeVille? Is that the actual last name? like her actual characters. I thought that would be something someone calls you. Well, it sounds to me like you need a backstory to fill in the origin of her family name. And guess what, dude? One is coming out pretty soon. I will probably see it in the theater too because there's nothing playing.

Hey, Tom, could you stop singing the Bethany song when she comes over? She just lost her job and she just doesn't need to be... Bethany sucks and now she is broke. Why don't you go date another game? employee but Bethany's mom just fucking die Bethany sucks

would be one of those games you couldn't last five Oh yeah Oh definitely dude He should be making fucking porno game for this Oh dude what was the little like dirty game that you could play

Leisure suit Larry Yes If he was like a seizure suit Larry as crepe. Well, also at this time, this time, what's popular, Duke Nukem. Oh, yeah. And that's all grizzly fucking

like, Duke Nukem was never that popular. I mean, there's a lot of tits. People 40 and above ask your grandparents will know what Duke Newcomb is, mainly because it ripped off so many popular lines from motion pictures. I think like half

of Army of Darkness' dialogue is in that fucking video game. Yeah. Is that Right? Yeah. Weird. A lot of ash lines. I was never a Duke Nukem guy. I did some Wolfenstein and then some kind of some doom here and there.

I also did Larry, dude. I never did Larry. Oh, I did. Let me just say. We had a little fun in the hot tub, if you know what I mean. That's what I hate about this. It's just like, oh, clearly, it's a Dalmatian game. Don't you see?

Like, let me hear Jeff Daniels be like, So what I have an idea for here is, it's a bandicoot. And like, normally that's just an ugly mouse-like creature. This is kind of going to be like a Tony Hawk dog. And he's just going to run. And his name, listen to this. Crash. Because you know what?

He crashes through your fucking expectations. It's fucking phenomenal. You would be a better video game designer. Like, you're selling this idea. Jeff Daniels, this mopey fuck. He's like, I'm in a game about. about dogs because I'm a dog fetishist and I can only date girls that have the same

dogs and I just want to have a thousand dogs. It's like, and it's also like I don't know, it feels more like a mobile game. It's like so I'm a dog running around from a fucking dog catcher. Awesome. How many levels is this? I'm out. Here's the thing though, that animation that they use like for that dog game

I think also wound up being a 101 Dalmatian game. It looks familiar. Well, it's also the animation. It's really close to how the cartoon looks. I actually put the cartoon on last night a little bit like it was one of those things and I grew up with this movie the cartoon the OG cartoon because like I just when I put it on

I was like oh yeah this is all coming back kind of a thing yeah I know every word to this fucking thing that's been a great Disney Plus thing is like Chelsea and I have been going back through all the animated classics and what's fucking awesome they're all like 73

to 77 minutes long this movie that movie is an hour and 20 minutes that's it and you're out this is an hour of Cruella is two hours and 15 minutes, ladies and gentlemen. That should be against the law. That should be against the law. You know what? You might as, like, even this movie might as well be Cruella because Jeff Daniels exits the movie at some point for 45, 50 minutes.

Well, this is a problem. In the cartoon, they talk. The dogs talk. Yes. I heard about this. My wife said, they talk in the cartoon. It makes more sense because the end of this, the last 50 minutes, and I'm a huge dog guy. I know I got pegged as a cat guy.

I have cats, but I love dogs too. The last 50 minutes of this movie is dead-eyed dogs looking at their animal trainers walking from one side of the screen to the other to get a treat. That's the entire film. And barking. Yes. The amount of barking. Wimpering.

It's just too much. Like if they're talking, then they have characters. Then this one, like in the cartoon, this one's the fat one. This one's this one. And talking would make sense because at some points this fucking dog is talking to a horse. so now I'm definitely lost of what's going on there. Bark language. But that's like when they get,

because the overall structure of this movie is pretty much the same as the animated movie. Yeah. Which I don't know how accurate it is to like the book that this is based on. So I don't know the source material situation. But like it is that thing where eventually they arges off on their own talking to horses and sheep and all this other shit. But like because they're actually talking,

you can keep the movie going. Like there's one moment. in this movie during all of that barnyard shenanigans where like they cut back to Jeff Daniels and Jolene what's her name? I think it's Jolene Richardson. Jolene Richardson.

Sure. They're like checking in with some cops. Yeah. And then it just goes, it's one of those weird like, just a reminder there's people in this movie too. I will say I appreciate in the early scenes there's at least like real dog tricks. Like, you give the dog a little something to do.

It's not a CGI dog. It's an actual dog, like pressing the coffee button. Yep. That's at least something fun. But my favorite scene is something that is not in the original. It is this little video game critic, who I've been calling. Oh, fuck this, kid. I've been calling this guy, start, select Samson as, I mean, like, because this, it's just this little nerdy British boy who's like, oh, you game shucks, your game shocks real bad.

I want to hate the bit and I want her to decapitate. him. His name and this is Herbert and he keeps saying mate. Hey, mate. And I'm sorry, British listeners. I know we make fun. We have a little bit of fun of the British folk. Yeah. Our friends. You know, we got to apologize

because they're very nationalistic, it turns out. So we've got to be careful. Is that true? Yeah. But that kid should be calling him, sir. It's really that he's calling Jeff Daniels a grown man mate. I'd be like, I'm not your mate. Video game Barometer. It's

Joe Lee Richardson. Joe Lee. Right. So is that little kid, like, is he like the captain of the video game network there, like CEO? I think that developer is using this kid as a bellwether for like, will kids enjoy this? Do you think you should get like a real like group of kids and figure it out that way? Just everything riding on this one kid. I don't like it. Wouldn't be great if Start Select Samson owned that company and they just didn't tell you that? I would prefer that because that would make more sense for where the thing, like, That would be, it would be, like, when I first played Super Mario Bros. 64, I lost it.

I cried. I cried. I cried when I threw the bomb into the other bomb. I broke into tears and I shit my rompers. I love the, a couple things I love about this character. One, it's like a baby Michael Cage that loves video games. I've been to all of this. Here's another thing.

That's great. your little 101 Dalmatians game is absent of all cheat codes. I, as a seasoned six-year-old video game player, despise cheat codes, mate. All I can say is, I know there's no fucking street fighter in here, right? Where's E-Honda? I need E-Honda to be in a video game. I know he's a bad guy. I know who to fight.

I saw Pongo. Pongo is the name of this character. seriously. When I saw Duke Newcomb, I nearly screamed with pleasure. Now, what you need here is something like that and something like dog-obago. How about

that, mate? But if E. Honda was like killing dogs, I should really get behind that. I mean, that would be an animality I can get behind. Right. It's like, oh man, fucking Johnny Cage just lost. Fucking Jacks is going to rip his dog's head off. E. Honda's doing the

speed fist and they're just running into with, like, Lemmings. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Just bursting apart, like, people going in the goddamn airplane turbines. Like, a test your might against 101 dogs. They break much easier than a Honda. Now that.

Now, that I'd like to see. I spent that hell test your might round, punching 67 dogs right in the mouth. I've seen the future. I've seen a first stale of a game game. called goadnoy. You shouldn't even do this anymore, mate, because that's going to change the whole game. That's going to change the whole game, mate.

You need yourself a Dr. Doke. That means nothing to you now, but soon enough, you'll know you need a Doctor Doke. I'm playing this game and I'm thinking, I want to shoot my friends. I want to shoot them right in the head and I want to do it over and over again. Now it's a Dalmatian holding a fucking pistol

walking around. Is there any way you could put like a remote mine or a proximity mine or a time line, some kind of mine? Nothing? Not a single mine. Look, you got this fat stupid man here. Put a gun in his arms. I know you don't catch everything. Put a little easy.

Yeah, but that is the problem Herbert has with the game is the villain. Yes. It ain't right, mate. It's now good. You don't want to annihilate him, mate. You want to annihilate the person. And like when you see Dr. Doke, you want to rip that person in two. I do love the idea of like, oh, you know, oh, this game is fucking rubbish, isn't it?

This dog catches rubbish. Oh, I'll get to fight an old woman. Oh, this is the best game I've ever played. Oh, my God. Because he says it's not about hatred. It's about just pure annihilation or whatever. Yeah. And when you see a lady, that's what you think?

Sure. I mean, it's time to get some psych eval on Herb. I mean, yeah, all you think is totally. annihilation. Okay, if that kid fucking buys a duster at the store, you got to start watching them hardcore. Yes. Well, no, it's England, so that shit doesn't

happen over there. Oh, that's true. What, hardcore? No, they got it. The old and out? Yeah, they got it. Don't worry. So it's right after that meeting with Starselect Samson, that he bumps into Purdy and

the lady. But let's not forget this is also framed around Oh, a tiger was murdered in the zoo And his skin was ripped off its body. Anyway, back to the children's movie. There's some New York post headline about it. The tiger lost its stripes. It was skinned alive.

I think that's like, you know, we're making fun of British tablets. But yes, the tiger was murdered and then skin. Yep. And it was saying, help me, I'm in hell. Covered in blood and good. Oh, Tiger Razor? Yeah. I don't get, just thinking on the tiger murderer

and thinking on like the extensive amount of dialogue devoted to all the graphic ways that these dogs are going to be murdered. Dogs, nay, puppies are going to be murdered. Yes. This movie is rated G. Yeah. And like, I don't want to sound pearl clutchy here,

but like we are so, we go fucking ape shit over violence and profanity and whatnot. but like, yeah, and sex, too, sex, especially. This fucking dog is fucking all the time in this movie. He fucked 101 times. Dude, he got married first, though. To be fair, the dog did get married. But it's just like, what is the point of any kind of rating system where you have

characters graphically talking about skinning dogs, beating them to death till their brains come out of their skulls? And then it's like, right at G, mate? Well, I mean, Eric, he does have to fuck. He has to expand dog gods kingdom. It is, man, it's, it's a lot. It's a lot of Dalmatians. I didn't even know there were this many on Earth.

There's a hundred one of them, at least. At least. The violence, it's also like, the characters of Jasper and what's the other one, Horace, I think? Yes. Which is you, Lori and Mark Williams, who, it's like, what are you being paid to murder all these animals? Like, right. These dudes are fucking dangerous. This was like a great.

British job you used to be able to get, but now Polish people started doing it. So we have Brexit all of a sudden. They're coming over here, they're taking our animal skinning jobs. Oh, I was going to get a dog for that lady to kill it. Oh, now some Poles taking it. I can't believe it. Polack killed my puppy. No, not my puppy.

I was going to kill the puppy. Used to be an English man with skin the rats to make the thubs. Now it's a polo. This is the crux of the problem they're having right now, I believe. You know, the bummer, though, is that, like, you know, so when these Dalmatians are kidnapped and everything, like, dog society and barnyard society join together to save these dogs. Where were all these motherfuckers asleep at the switch when this tiger was murdered?

Yeah. That's a really good point. Come on. Well, he, the tiger didn't send out the bark that, like, you know, started the news network. Yeah, that's true. But also, I think they're trying to equate, like, one tiger equals 101 Dalmatians. There you go. That's the scale. I guess. But this is also not in the original.

I was a little shocked that the possible puppy death was in the original, but it is. It is. I was kind of surprised by it. Lucky. Yeah. It dies in the cartoons? No, it just, it's a weird scene. I'm like, would you have like, oh, the stillborn?

It's a baby cat almost dying in the aristicat. Like, what the fuck are you doing? It's stillborn scene. There's one of those things that's burned into my brain because more often that not like, if I'm like leaving the house and especially, I'm talking with the cartoon itself, if I'm leaving the house, I'm like, do I have my keys on me? I do. And they're like, and yet I wonder.

And I look like, it's just one of those lines that is burned into my brain that I use like twice a week. So here's what I couldn't remember though. We just watched the cartoon version. I don't know, maybe like a couple weeks ago. Sure. Couldn't remember. In the cartoon, does Pongo have more of a role in like resuscitating him? Like, is he like licking him or anything like that?

No, no, he's watching the dad rub it. Yes, yeah. I couldn't remember. Roger is like rubbing this dog like it's pizza dough. He's spinning out. It's got like this. It works, though. It does.

We're getting ahead of ourselves because I think this sequence of Jeff Daniels meeting his bride is more embarrassing the dumb and dumber diarrhea scene by a mile I think so who the fuck is riding bicycles

with dogs on leashes at the same time idea thank you you're signing yourself up for a death wish and he finds another stupid individual that does the exact same thing it's funny that you bring up the dumb and dumber

thing because like I thought like when I was watching the scene where the pongo is with him on the bike I'm like this is dumb and dumber jokes his faces are very dumb and dumber like I'll tell you. That's why he got the role, right? Yeah. He's like, oh, here's this big, dumb idiot kind of thing.

He's riding high. Also, it is important to point out this is a post both of those Home Alone movies screenplays, written by John Hughes himself. Yes. The slapstick is out. He was fucking high on slapstick after those two movies. This movie just goes away and it turns into Home Alone 3 at the end of the film. It absolutely does.

It's kind of a bummer. I mean, not a bummer, but it just sucks shit. Home Alone. Plus Beethoven, here you go. Pretty much, yeah. I don't think this, I mean, Cuella proved me wrong, but this is a premise

that's not going to work live action. I have a hard time. Well, that's the thing. That's why I don't think they knew they couldn't make another 101 Dalmatians because they're like, people love dogs too much. What we can do is explain

how Curella eventually wanted it to kill. That's the big question I had. What is like the animal abuse situation in this movie? Like, is she horny for Dalmatians from the jump? Absolutely. I think it's the only way she can shoot like she's masturbating

and then she does it over dog death I'm predicting Cruella So you're thinking it opens up like the beginning of shape of water it's her in a bathtub with an egg timer So it's like that Tom 6 movie that hasn't come out

The Unani Club or whatever The Unani Club What the fuck already? All of these women getting together and fucking just totally going to town on themselves watching like 9-11 impact videos it's that with Corella but with dog abuse.

Like she watches them Sarah McLaughlin commercials and just starts rubbing one out. That's how it started. Now she's bribing the guy down at the animal shelter. Let me watch some gas. Dude, arriving. And she's just in the corner, you know, working it. If any Tom Six movie made more than $6,000,

which they never did, he would definitely be in line to direct some Disney cartoon live action. It's like, oh, yes, I'm doing a... Oh, fuck. Hold on. All right, let's take brave little tow story. Yes, I'm doing Oliver and company.

I thought it would be beautiful to make a cat physically talk. No ADR. We will make the fucking think talk, I swear. That's right. And the dog, the rapscallion dog, who sings in the Billy Joel voice, Why should I worry? Why should I care? He's getting his legs cut off.

by someone while it happens. I was talking to Alec last night. He was over the moon for the idea. He thought it was brilliant. We're actually starting our own distribution. Tom, I've ever been in a Disney movie. This sounds amazing. It's finally time for Tom and Alec to do a project.

Oliver and Company, which is the bloodiest movie I've ever heard. It's going to be amazing. Yes, we're starting a new distribution company. It's called Bald Six. And it's just to release the Ornina Club A masterpiece That is fascinating, Tom Oh my God

Oh my God I just read the script To Tom Six's Oliver And Company What is the kill count on this one Tom Because this is There's more profanity than departed There is a chich-madin' dog

who gets fucking decapitated in the first act. It's amazing. The taxicab is living, much like Roger Rabbit, but he is smashing the animals. Here's the thing. I haven't laughed like that since Cheech and Chong.

It was brilliant, Tom. It was brilliant. Yeah, little known loophole in the whole, no animals were harmed in the making of this motion picture. They can't touch you if you buys the animals in advance, Personally, I have killed seven of my own dogs in service of my aunt.

Oh, my, that's just the best thing I'm talking about. True visionary is joining us today on the show. Have you had Martin Scorsese, take a fucking seat? Here comes Tom Six. Have you ever seen the meme, take my money, take my money, Tom, take it right now? I will spend $9 on the Onani. I'll go to 20 bucks. I'll give you 20 bucks on Amazon, Tom Six.

Yep. for fucking the Onania club, and I'll hate it, and I'll do it on this show, but I just need it. You need to know what it is. Did we ever email that production company trying to get a screener? I feel like that could have been one of our greatest screens. Oh, sure. Oh, watch us and we had movies. Oh, I'd like to come on to show.

No! She made fun of mine masterpiece. Here's what we do, you know, we just say, like, let's hop on a call real quick. And then one of us go, yeah, no, we love top six. I think he's a visionary director. Oh, Alec, my best friend. Yeah, that's right. I hate movies, too.

Yeah, we only have a few other titles on the docket, of course, a dead hooker anthology, one through 18, and dog deaths. Just a documentary about dog deaths. To understand this episode, listen to our human centipede episode, where we find out that Alex Baldwin loves the human centipede. Just brilliant. Absolutely.

it was more fun than beating up a grosser out in the Hamptons. But in the cartoon, it's a cute scene. It's a meat cute, like a literal of meat cute. Like, it's Pongo is planning. It's like, who would be great? Like, I'm tired of my guy, my dude being a bachelor. Maybe that couple.

Oh, I don't like, I don't like the way the dog looks. Oh, maybe that woman. Oh, blah, blah. It's like, oh, a Dalmatian, perfect. And it's the, what do you call it there? It's the leash, the leash gag, where they wrap around each other. And it takes fucking 30 seconds and not 21 minutes.

And that's the problem, dude. 30 seconds, you're in and you're out, and they're already married. You got to drag it out. This movie had to be an hour and 47 minutes. It absolutely did. Fucking suck it. Oh, man, it's also like that dog just wants to fuck the other dog. Oh, for sure, dude.

You don't care. I'm glad that we didn't get a... I'm glad that we didn't. Oh, oh. I feel like if it was an America's set remake, you're getting that in there. By the way, this is the movie that, John Hughes made the most money on, by the way, because he asked for merchandising rights or a piece of it. And that was the sweetest plum, my friend. He made a shit ton of money off this. Hey, John, you've been

making a lot of successful movies, man, but little tip here, get in on the toys. Were there really toys for this? People were like fucking going ape shit for this. That, like Burger King nonsense. You know how that goes. I mean, this movie was humongous at the time, right? It was a weird thing where last night watching it, and I don't remember what I said at the end of our Mighty Ducks episode about whether or not I had seen it. I was like really on the fence

and watching it, I was like, nah, I don't, maybe I haven't seen this. And then like as Glenn Close gets more in the movie, I was like, no, you definitely saw. I think it was a thing where like my sister owned it on VHS and she just kind of watched it a lot and I dipped in here and there because I didn't remember a ton of the third act,

But, like, I definitely have seen this movie at least once. Let's remember the fucking a dog barks a lot. Lots of footage. I mean, there's stuff to remember. Like Alonzo, the terrible servant to Crewella. Oh, that's right. He doesn't even see if Anita wanted a drink. Well, that's right.

In this movie, we should say Anita doesn't, isn't school friends. She works at Cruella's design firm. And I guess that's part of what this new movie is going to be. It's like devil. Devil's Prada. The Riddler. It's Batman Forever. I'm sorry. Look at the trailer.

It looks like Batman forever. Devil wears dog. But totally, it's a combo of those, right? Yeah. Well, that's the other thing, at least from this preview I saw too, she's got, it's like a fucking alternate identity situation, like a secret identity. Glenn Close. Was that Devil Wears Prada as well?

No, Merrill Street. There's the rub. But it's the fucking same character. One is a lot of Oscar. Oscars one has zero. Yeah, it's literally Merrill Streep's other. Albert Knob on that.

Which I will say, like, I hate this movie, but Glenn Close is putting her fucking back into this. I think she feels it. I do. She's really elevating them. It's the only person. You Lori is a lot of fun to look at. And so Mark Williams is fine, but not really. It's one of those things where it's kind of obnoxious because, again,

in a cartoon world, having two of these guys is okay. But when you're watching two real life people just be bumbling morons, I think maybe also just the absolute cribbing from how they act with each other from a home alone. Oh, for sure. It was just so frustrating to me that I had to look at Mark Williams. It's like Region 1 Home Alone, essentially.

Yeah. But, you know, it's like for kids, that type of shit's inspiring because it's like, oh, look, adults are dumb as donkey shit too. And the thing is, that's absolutely true. Most adults are dumber than you, whoever's listening to this. That's about right. But, you know, I don't know. I don't know. Apparently Anita's like her star or whatever designer.

Yes. And she walks by and like she has the tiger design. And she's like, and also like, I don't know, like, and Anita obviously has her own Dalmatian. But like, I don't know, dude, keep it away from this creepy lady. Don't give her ideas on how to kill your fucking dog. You know your boss is going to kill your dog. And also, if she's eyeing it, you know what it looks like.

I don't know, cowhide. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, totally. Because it's like the sketch of, you know, this dress that she's created is right next to a picture of Purdy the dog, Purdy the Dalmatian. And she just looks and puts one in one together like, oh, oh, that dog inspired this dress. Yeah, but this also might be a cultural difference. Like, I don't know. Do they eat dog in Great Britain?

I don't know. I've never been. I don't believe so. I don't believe so. There's no dog pudding? There's a dog pudding. Listen, I've been. And as far as I saw.

no dog pudding. A Sunday dog roast that you get at your local pub. It's really nice. Oh, let me get a dog roll and it's some dog pudding. Yeah, but all those all those pubs are called like the spotted dog. That's very true. I just assume that's the menu. Well, I mean, honestly, what are you doing with the meat? You're skinning these things. Right. Thank you. You got to honor the animal. Use every part. Eat that dog. Somebody's getting tiger meat. Look, I just know it. I think that tiger. That's what, Steve, you ask the thing, how much. are Hugh Laurie and Mark Williams getting paid for this? I think they're getting paid and dog meat, dude. Oh, shit, dude.

Yep. Meat by the pound. That's what it is. Tiger meat, I would be like, oh, my God. It's a monkey pizza situation. I don't want to, I definitely don't want to commission the act. I don't want to say that it's going to happen. But you give me a fucking tiger steak and I'm like, oh, you didn't.

Oh, all right. And I eat it. Of course, you would have to. I think you would go like insanely feral. I think you would just be like running out in the street on all fours, go into the garbage to find any speck of meat and running your gums. I'd be altered states and just turned into a crow mag for like five minutes. I don't know how else you react to a tiger's steak.

Yeah, I'm also remaking the jungle book. I know that it happened recently twice, but I'm doing it thrice and we're eating the tigers. That's fantastic, Tom. And I understand you've prepared the jungle book, Medium rare. Indeed. Oh, is it also true that you're eating the boy as well?

Oh, yes, the young boy. Excellent. I'm so happy you asked that, Alec. Actually, our plan is for a live bear to be below and to smash the boy's head on live screen. You know, much like the rule about getting around the animal cruelty, if you sacrifice your own child on film, they can't touch you.

Goodbye, Tom, six. Junior. Tom Six Jr. You're going to be a star. You play Mowgli. Yes. And Dad, why does this script not go past the bare necessities? You'll find out.

Now, Tom Six, you go and you get in that panther's face. And you tell him who's who. He should be Tom 7. Oh, that's the movie. Father, why is it when I read this script? It just says, Tom 7 starring as Mowgli, comma, Z. appetizer. Stupid city.

I love it. I love to go to stupid city. But yeah, so she's like, Crewella goes ape shit over the design. She brings her into her office and does a lot of vamping about, you know, oh my God, you know, you're my designer. And she's like, well, I would never leave your firm unless I were to be married and then women shouldn't be working at all, right?

Is that how that works? That's it? Because, by the way, I do want to, this is very important to me, in the cartoon, she does not get pregnant. But in, but because that, like, was, I think there was a weird, like, parochial, like, well, if they don't, they can't just live for their dogs. They have to have children. They have to have children of the road. Before the closing credits, it, this woman gets knocked up twice. Yes. And it's also a knock at, like, career gal stuff.

Yes, absolutely. Like, you're going to become Cruella DeVille. If you want to have a job, instead, why don't you get knocked up by some dopey, doughy motherfucker named Jeff Daniels? But it's interesting, though, because when she says this, like, oh, I'm thinking of maybe getting married, yada, yada. Curella kind of is like, hey, you're very talented.

Fuck your family. And I was like, say, the villain in this Disney movie's got a boy. Or you could do both, like, people have been doing since, like, 1984. Or when, you know what I mean? That's what it started? Whatever working girl came out, that's what broke the fucking wind. The doors down, my friend. Yeah, I'm also now remaking working girl.

Oh, you've done it again. Yes, all the working girls and the Harrison Ford character are working slaughterhouse in this version. And the working guy. Dabney Coleman. No, Harrison Ford is. No, you're getting this become nine to five. Oh, I'm saying nine to five. You said working girl.

I'm sorry. And the working girl actually goes to the bathroom and masturbates for 12 minutes. She's looking at 9-11 footage. Oh, you've done it again. We got it to art in one shot, one 10-minute take. For serious talk, Tom Six, we mentioned him on the Saw 3 episode. He should do a Saw movie. Get some fresh blood in.

You know, it almost be interesting. I'm like, holy shit, that was awful. But I'd be like, holy shit, that was something. Some personality. But here's the thing. You'd come out of the Tom Six saw and you'd be like, Wow! That was awful. Versus coming out of a spiral where I was like, wow, that was fucking boring.

I guessed it halfway through and then had to watch Chris Rock try to act way above his weight class. I love Chris Rock. You're asking a lot of him to play this gritty cop. You always ask Chris Rock to play himself. That's all you can do. Stop doing this stuff. And that's the problem with that movie, though, dude, is like parts of it here and there, definitely venture into, like, like, is Chris Rock just doing material

in this video? Well, you know what? I would say, I haven't seen it yet, but just have him be Chris Rock. Do material and Chris Rock is now on a saw trap. He has to do detective work on the side now that like, no... See, that's... If it was sillier, it would work, but it's taking itself way to fucking

seriously. That's the... I mean, like Chris Rock's best performance is Take 5 where he plays a rich comedian. Which makes sense. He's great in dogma, too. He's a lot of fun of dogma. I mean, I mean, it looks like this Corrella movie's going to itself way too seriously as well just based on the trailer I saw

also this shit's too serious too come on lighten up so she went yeah so there's a big fucking so she's like oh I would only leave my job if I ever to family said well I hope that never happens you know and this is the crazy meet cutie

and that takes forever where Jeff Daniels is just on a fucking bike up and down and down and up but this is just now the dog is there's a leash the dog is dragging him he's zero control over his animal great owner gets tossed him

in this fucking pond and he smells like sewage or something they're pumping into this pond or whatever and she's like oh you smell like shooish lad

oh my god he smells like shit and I'm so fucking horny I don't understand oh he's charming no he's shitty he smells like a bowel movement

I'm very garbage You know who I'm really attracted to? The ugly guy from dumb and dumber. I just don't understand how this is a meat cue. This guy is horrific in his life. That's why he's falling into ponds. Sure.

And then she falls into a pond in a similar reason because he walks off. They're not expecting to have sex at this point. Absolutely not. But then she's also bicycling with a dog because she's also stupid and gets thrown into the same pond. And then they go home. and warm their clothes by the fire together.

Whatever. Whose home it is? I don't know. I think it must be hers because he must be living in a hovel. He's a fact, well, maybe that's the thing. And he's like, you know, he read about the universal health care that England had. Right. You know what?

I can fucking pretend to be a video game designer and survive at least. I would be thrown out in the street like America. He's breaking into like flats that are up for sale that haven't sold yet like in train spotting. That would be interesting. Like, yeah, I'm a millionaire. Yeah, it's me in this computer and like, oh, yeah, I can't go to the pub anymore. No, I know, I can't do that. Oh, shit, Robert Carlyle is at my door.

You don't want to knock from that guy, dude. FYI, a little information about Steve Sadek, watch train spotting twice in quarantine. Wow. Not a bad situation. Excellent. How are you doing with the horse? I'm doing fine, man, coming down. Coming down.

You've seen the baby still or? This whole, like, how they just decide after knowing each other for maybe two hours that they will be, it is a, it is a serial killer situation. Jeff Daniels is like, well, geez, our dogs are falling in love. I'm going to hate to have to leave and break up our dogs that are clearly in lunch. That dog should have been fixed fucking first of all, FYI. Yep, snip those balls, motherfucker. So let's get married immediately. I'll be taking your last name because the American police know mine and that's why I'm here.

Also, beg me, knows where I live. We can't go to Nevada ever, just in FYI. Not allowed in Nevada. Any of the other states, maybe. East Coast is better for me. Nevada, mm-mm. I'd say a week and a half tops. We've got to get in and out of there.

And we cannot use our credit. If the credit cards in your name, sure. Not in mine. Ooh. Like they're having this tea and he's like, it's like, I don't know if John Hughes thought that this was adorable or what, but he's like, oh, would you like another cup of marriage? I mean tea.

And I'm like, it's dumb. That's fucking stupid. It's not even good. It's not even good. And why have this? Why not you have this meeting? And then, oh my God, imagine if there was some way. You could just have an establishing shot of a house.

And then I don't know if we figured it out or what, you know, we really had to put our heads together. You could put text on the screen that says one year later. And they are engaged and it's not fucking creeped out. So are you saying we want to transition from one scene to the next? No. Okay. That seems impossible.

Well, you could do that and film. The thing in the church is a direct reference to the original. with the when they go from that to the because the dogs are getting like fake fake married while they're getting real married there should be a dog priest there I think oh absolutely it's just a bulldog like in the eyes of the church of dog England

oh dude dog Henry the it's really split that shit too that dog killed a lot of dogs absolutely he was like Oh, I can't get married again. We're getting, we're turning our own folks. Here's the thing. I love my dog.

I love dogs. Sure. If we had had Marty when we got married, Marty would not attend the wedding. This whole bring your dog to the wedding. And then there's a dog audience outside. And again, and again, you know, Andrew, it's a kid's movie. I understand.

But this is why some shit. works better as cartoons because this looks absurd. I mean, some people do the dog wedding thing and that's, it depends on what you're doing. If you're doing an outside situation, maybe the dog's going to show up. Don't think it's appropriate. A Catholic church, they're not going to let that fucking dog

get there. I still can get over the jump to this. Like, it could be one thing where it's like, oh, I'm working on this video game and I don't have money. So I'm going to live with you. Exactly. And then when he sells it or something, then she can quit her job. I want an envelope that says like Visa expiring

on Friday. And then he's like, marriage? Hold on. Who said that? I guess I did. There you go. This is how you make it like a 2005 comedies. He's like, he's like going to the dog. I've got to get married. All right. Got this dog to get married. Oh, yes. My dog is named Visa. Yeah, exactly. The problem with that though is that that means that this movie would have to like make characters out of these people. Nah. Which like for 101 Dalmatians, you're not going to do. You need the dogs. You need Corella DeVille. again why like animation just gives you so much more of a buffer with shit like this because like in the animated movie

you're not giving a shit what those fucking people are doing because the dogs are characters the dogs actually aren't like Pongo has opinions Purdy has opinions you know what I mean you hear them you see them you don't have it's just not I mean again like a dog blankly looking at the screen like it's a cute looking fucking dog but that's the end of it guys

and to make up for it you give more attention to the dog murderers. Exactly. I don't care about these pieces as shit. Just do the who's talking whatever movies. Yes. As bad, you know, it would still be a bad movie, but it would make more sense.

And if you're doing the look who's talking now method, you don't have to worry about mouths moving with computers. They just were there and then it was Daniel DeVito and Diane Keaton voiceover. Question about oh man, I just had a

man, it was like a fucking earth-shattering question. It was so important. Maybe it'll come back to me. Oh, shit. The meaning of life? Nah, maybe. So, yeah, they, oh, sorry. Sorry, this is the thing.

Is my weed just really strong? Or were there a couple times in this movie where they dipped their toe into dogs were making computer faces? Like a couple times Pongo would be like, er. Like, they would make just the slightest bit of a CGI facial expression. Especially with the puppies for sure. Yeah. I thought it was a birth effect,

but CGI makes total sense. Yeah, well, you have to have them smile when they're watching their own IP on TV. Homeward bounds on, man. You have to be like, yeah, that's a great movie. Please buy more of it. So the dog gets knocked up and then Jolie Richardson's

like, I'm knocked up too. Just show both. Show that dog getting full of dog's semen. Show that lady getting full of Daniels. full of d'annels. But what you're leaving out, though, Steve, is that the way we are told

both Purdy and Anita are expecting is this fucking creptacular version of Nanny who's just like, oh, I'm looking at that dog, and that dogs radiating all sorts of energy. She must be pregnant.

Oh, Anita, while I'm analyzing the dog's pregnancy status, may I just say, do you have something to tell us because she like she looks at both of these things and is like you're pregnant I've been tracking your periods dearie

and it's been it's been nine on four weeks five weeks so that's quite a bit I spent the whole day looking at your dog's vagina I think she's about to have some puppies because the vagina told me

is this her mother is that the idea no I think they have this bead like who the fuck is paying this woman Man, we got scammed. Gen X and Blow got everything. Oh, Mrs. I believe, Pernie got rammed last night. I had your two dogs fucking. Pongo was a long one he was last night, wasn't he?

Oh, you don't have to pay me at all, Mrs. All I want to do is hear those dogs have sex. You just pay me and watch it balls getting drained. Just going through your garbage and looking for. for maxi pads. I haven't seen quite... I'm going to finish it. No, I'm going to finish it.

Fucking finish it. And I just haven't seen any in like five or six weeks. It's quite surprising. And I keep going back to my basement bedroom going, where's all the Mexies? I can't see no Maxis. Get a podcast be actually canceled by a network. Okay.

Hey, do you guys know how, like, big dog fans like this couple, You know how they have sex? Doggy style. Speaking of dog genitals, by the way of it, speaking of dog genitals, there is a thing during the meat cute that I don't want to forget. There's like a mix-up.

Like Jeff Daniels gets to the park, sees Purdy, starts trying to put Pongo's leash on. It's a whole like, that's my dog. Lady, what are you talking about? Whatever. Jeff Daniels, when she says this, this, like, that's my dog, Purdy, get off of her, whatever it is.

Jeff Daniels looks at the genital of this dog. And he's fucking face deep in this dog's crutch. Ah, yeah, this is some birthing dog. Oh, yeah, birth and dog hips. Can I pull out my favorite piece of IMDB trivia now?

Which I saved. So when the puppies receive collars, Jewel's collar is pink, indicating that it is a female. Oh. If you'll look closely, the puppy playing Jewel is actually a male, i.e., I'm an IMDB tribute writer. Look at this dog

genitalia. Yep. Of course. Because IMDB, they only accept the facts from these sleuths, man. These dog dick sleuths out there. Look, you have to look at all the angles, okay? Look, if you're going to tell me that this is a vagina that Jeff Daniels, the great Jeff Daniels is looking at,

It better be a dog vagina, not a dog cock. I saw the dog cock from a, from a mile away. By the way, Steve, were you storing this scrap of paper that you have under your armpit this whole day? No. What is going on here? I'm back at the office, baby. We're back live. I'm printing out fucking IMDB trivia.

I'm the fucking company printer. I love it. I didn't do any research for this surprisingly. Is that the lady that plays the nanny? Is she the one from, so I married an axe murderer? Oh, no, that woman is the woman from Home Alone 2. Fucking Clone City. This is Joan Plowwright, who's in a lot of stuff.

He's like British Olympia Dukakis, kind of. And that's rude, but I think that's true. About right. Yeah, she's like a very known, like British characters here. Drowning by numbers. I guess British people kind of look alike. More on that later. Sorry, honey.

We can't do the anniversary dinner. I am pretty sure at least one of these females. dogs in 101 Dalmatians is a male dog and I need to let the internet know about you'll notice here on frame 313 you could clearly see a dog's penis on a dog they've identified as a woman I'm I heard someone got fired for that blunder I'm uploading my six hour opus Janine the Beethoven live because I'll tell you what there's no cock on Beethoven look I watched Beethoven Beethoven second Beethoven's. I watched all the way till Judge Reinhold replaced Charles

Groton, okay? And I didn't see one juicy red rocket in that whole franchise and IMDB's got to hear about it. Scamming me on seeing beautiful dog dicks like that. Leaving me with Beethoven's vagina. Disgusting.

Jerry Lee and K-9 should be Gina Lee because I looked at that dog And he doesn't have a dick either. So I'm just saying if we're, honey, no, you're leaving me. Great. I don't care because IMDB is going to understand that some of these dogs are just playing the wrong gender is all I'm saying. I go by the internet handle a dick dog tactic.

No, no, fine. You go. It's time to expand the research room. That's right. Leave me now, Janine. And when I'm a billionaire creating the I triple DB, the internet dog dog. dick database. You'll be fucking sorry, baby.

Making all these connections. You see this rope here connects to this. Yeah, they're all white ropes. You connect to this dog and this dog and this movie. No, I mean, but I'm glad that the new ones, like a dog's journey. It's neo-realism. All the

boy dogs have dicks, the girl, dogs that got vaginas. I'm glad. Oh, my God. Neorealism, like a dog open vagina. I know the classic fucking Oh For all those Rome

Open City fans out there I mean here's the thing guys The bullhound thieves Just dog year zero The dog dick No no The dog with the Dog dick thieves right

The bicycle thieves Just a tip to the wise You know we got a large back catalog The family ones You really want to close the door on Any anything about family movie, you want to close the door? Let's just remind you, the E on this, at least

on Apple Podcasts, is for explicit. And if you have kids around during family movie night with we have movies, that's your fucking problem. It's your problem re-evaluating Disney movies from the 90s. The worst than most Ralph Baxi cartoons. If you're driving your

kids to school right now, pop on a Batman versus Superman or something. Yeah, something a little more fun. There's way less dog dick talk in that episode. Um, so the dog, you know, uh, immediately, I think at this point, uh, Crewella comes to the apart, right? Did she come before the dogs are married? No, no, the dogs come first because they're pregnant. She comes at one point to just like barge in.

Yeah. And then it is like there is a scene where she meets Jeff Daniels kind of like basically spits in his face, which again, I was like saying, Cruella. Yeah, it's funny. She doesn't know, she doesn't care about his name. It's called Roland or whatever. So then they say something. something then about like, oh, the dog is going to have puppies. And she makes like no secret about like, all right, listen, you two idiots, I'm going to take

those puppies from you and murder them. Like in so many words, she says this. So she does come back. She barges in and she's like, she doesn't know that the puppies have been born, but she's like, where are those puppies? They should have been birthed by now. It's amazing. Yeah, the puppies are born.

And like, obviously, it's very similar to the cartoon. and then one is still born that's lucky and then Jeff Daniel I just looked at my notes and I remembered now when they meet and they go home and they're by the fire. Jeff Daniels pants catch is on fire

I think that symbolizes him getting a hard cock. I see. He's hot in the trouser. I think that's what I would say. They're trying to subvert it like Alfred Hitchcock. It's brilliant. You've done it again. Stephen Eric. I love all the shitty directors.

Oh, my God, Stephen Eric, you're a genius. Tonight on. Here's the thing, The Mighty Ducks. Oh, my God. Holy shit, Stephen. How did you take all of those rag tank kids and get them to act in this fantastic motion picture? One time I saw Emilio Estavez at a restaurant,

he ignored me. Wait, hold on, I have to home. Hold on, I have to gay bash some photographer really quickly. Yeah, and give you one moment. When I saw Emilio at that restaurant, I tried to give him my order and then he ignored me. Now, Stephen, on a scale to 1 to 10, Emilio in real life, how hot.

Coming up next week on here, here's the thing, one of cinema's greatest autortures. I'll be interviewing the legendary Albert Pionne. Talking about every classic he's made. Albert, what was it like making nemesis? Oh my God, what a picture. Robot people. You're a visionary.

Dude, I just watched a movie His last night with Lambert in it, the name of which kind of escapes me. But it's like 76 minutes and it's just Christopher Lambert and Nastassia Kinski running around a sewer trying to catch this fucking mutated hillbilly

motherfucker. Is that adrenaline? Yes. Okay. Adrenaline, like, fear of dying or something. And it has nothing. The movie is about like, it's a post-apocalyptic situation where there's a virus that's like destroyed the whole world and there's only like a couple of quarantine

camps left. Relatable. Yeah. And then like this fucking hillbilly guy who's infected with it like gets out into the world. Oh, you don't want that. Oh, he's going to go nuclear soon if Christopher Lambert and Nastassi, Kinski don't fucking catch him. Wait, so Christopher Lambert is hunting down a MAGA guy. I'm going to watch this

thing. You should have worn the mask. You have to practice social distancing. It's actually no, it violates my freedom. to practice social distancing. God dang it. There is a readily available vaccine. Why aren't you taking it? Because it's full of microchips and dog come.

Alternatively, I could just drink nuclear waste and it'll be fine. So, yeah, whatever. The dogs are born and, you know, Karela does come back. She notices the dogs don't have spots and then massive freak out. Huge deal, Jolie Richardson. Understand that this lady is a man. and wants to fucking eat your puppies or whatever she wants to do with your puppies.

Yep. And she's like, oh, the puppies have no spots. They're worth. You're like, you're right. They'll never have spots. I guess they're all al-bino. Goodbye, Cruella. Wow, bad batch. I guess we'll try next time. Better luck next time, Pongo, with the fucking. But I learned something through this motion picture, which I can't say for a lot of motion pictures, is that the spots come later. I didn't. I didn't know that other. Is this true? I imagine. I believe it's true.

Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah, these are white retrievers. They're a special new breed. Oh, it turned out that what's her name? Pegleg, Purdy. Purdy, yeah. Turns out Purdy was stepping out

on old pongo here. Fuck the sheep dog raw. And white retrievers, they'll only play fetch with the Wall Street Journal. At the financial times. Come on, boy. Go get the pink newspaper. Go get it.

it's a special one she offers them dog eyes wide shut pongo has to hear about how Purdy had sex with this white golden retriever and he goes he goes in a spiral of madness dude dog he did a bad

bad thing oh yeah man I gotta tell you so so Corrella Deville offers them 7,500 pounds for these dogs so I did the conversion and then the inflation yeah it's like over 12 grand

dollars. I don't know. You can take anything in my house for 12 grand. You just come to my house, tell me what you want. I mean, you haven't really become attached to these puppies just yeah, right? They were just born. You could pretend, you could just pretend that they're going to be fine. You know what? But like they have what, 15 or is that

counting the parents? 15 is the puppies. Just the litter. Yeah. That's too much man. And you know some of that shit's ending up at the pound or freezing the death and winter. Well, you're not And that's the other thing. Again, back to my point of like, this is all fine if it's a cartoon because so much like logic is forgiven in the animation. And it's like, oh yeah, 15 dogs and you're going to keep them fine. The end of this movie, you have 101 fucking dogs. Totally fine if it's a cartoon. If it's like live action, you're a fucking maniac. And you're going to go broke trying to pay for these things. Definitely some of them are just going to escape. It's orders, everybody. 15 is too many of anything. Yeah. Listen to me. Okay. If you had made Resident Evil. then maybe you could feed these 15 puppies

but you did not make rest of the days let's be honest with ourselves or let me just let you in on something if one of these dogs starts rapping we could call him Par Rapper the Rapper and then you my friend or a millionaire but you're not a millionaire are you

can you put a cop on your dog before he raps that would do it that right there would do it also I'm thinking about a game that's just a big ball of crap rolling around everywhere A big ball of crap

It's called Dog Amari Domacy But But yeah I mean they show They start naming these dogs And one of them by the way Is a fucking man dog

With a fucking girl's collar No But honey we're not going to dinner No But the other thing is about that It's like They show this one That P's whizzer

And it's like Oh LOL that's cute Like your house smells like dog shit. And puppies in general. Puppies are pissing and shit in everywhere. Absolutely. Times 15 you've got to move. Dude, like, we raised Marty

from a puppy. Like, we adopted her very young. And like, yeah. A lot of those first like six months, like maybe not that much, but like a lot of her, it just smells like piss and shit in your house and you're waking up and there's piss on the pads and shit on the pads. But these are

aggressive dog people. And I think they're into that. I think they like That's where they fuck. They throw her down on the piss and shit. And Daniels has his weak missionary with her. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Let's get down on the pads tonight, honey.

Let's just roll around on them. Yeah, we're going to get down on the wee-wee pads. I'm going to fucking piss on you. Well, meanwhile, nanny's got the camera going. Oh, this is all. No need to pay me, Mrs. This is plenty. Josh making sure he's coming in you.

Oh, by the way, it's like Rosemary. his baby drink this drink drink drink this drink i don't want to see a spot to come he's got to be coming in you're making the babies oh don't worry mrs it's all fine it ain't work if you love what you do there was this moment when i was worried i was so worried that he was going to pull off he was going to pull out and come on your stomach but he didn't it you honey he did it in yet And that's because I went up behind him and pushed his butt forward and made sure that he finished inside

you. I brought a bunch of different nannies and we just circled around you and chanted. Yes, it was like midsummer. I was pushing his bottom in while he fucked you and I was wearing a big mighty bear costume. You see

he wasn't doing it fast enough we had to push the cook in. Oh. I also filet his best friend and made him look like a butterfly I did. Just so long as you'll procreate. Boy.

That's what God put it there for. Dude, I mean, it's so clearly like someone at Disney's like, no, you know, in the 50, 60, you know, I don't want these young people just fucking living for their dogs. It's fucking disgusting. It's going to be career people and family oriented.

She's got to quit her job and he's got to be a successful game. designer. I'll give me this fucking this fucking gigando townhouse in London. I know from where? I guess her money, right? It's got to be. I mean, she's a star designer at DeVille Industries. Oh, I guess so. Yeah. I mean, I would

love to see more of what her career has been. Yeah. It should open with like a fashion show or something. Show me her as successful. Right here she feels like you are the fucking prime audience for fucking Cruella. She feels like Zach Gilligan and Grimlins too where it's like the brilliant

owner sees the sketch and is like, okay. And like, yeah, I just don't know, like, I feel like he's just being a shit here, but well, I guess you'll have to move, go into your savings. But I swear once I sold my video game, it's going to really work out. Hey, uh, are you working on that video game or, uh, well, you haven't talked about it in a while. Yeah, I'm working on it. Getting better. You've got to get past that one rat bastard kid.

He's my general manager at the video game factory. But, you know, I found this job listing for an interstitials designer for this company. You should get, it's 70,000 quid a year. It's really good. Yeah, well, like, you know, those are for designers that, like, aren't artists, really. And, like, you know, as I told you that day in the park, when I smelled, like, feces from swimming in the industrial waste pond, I'm more of a video game artist. Oh, right, right, right.

I guess I'll just break open the same, you know, 401K, goodbye, goodbye. Don't worry about it, honey. I've got a great idea for my next one. I think they're going to love it. It's a clam digging simulator. I really think this one's going to take off. I think StartSleck's going to love it. I think it's going to get the tension that we need.

I based it on you and your clam. Out of curiosity, could you, could you, Go to someone another company that doesn't have a child that hates you? Well, that's funny because, you know, Yahoo's really tied right now. And the market's a little weird. Dot com. I don't want to, you know, this is all Wall Street talk. Your British brain couldn't handle it.

I'm working on something new for the GameCube called Eddie the Eel, where you do math. And then he goes like an electric eel. Listen, honey, I was working so hard on this game about a worm, but that earthworm gym motherfucker really clean my clock on this one. All right, now, it's 1996. I have a wholly original idea for a game. It's two brothers and they're electricians.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. And they get sucked into this wild world through some sort of electrical circuit. And there's a lot of like little like fungus people around. And there's a big king of the kingdom. And this guy, he's the villain, right? And he's like a big... dog and you like jump on the fungi and you fight the dog i know it sounds a lot like mario

brother i would like an annulment actually no no his name's not bowser though it's howser so it's a totally different game's named after my favorite actor wings houseer i was outside today and i just had the thought you never see a blue hedgehog you never see them why why wouldn't you bring it i can remember one instance since when I've seen a blue hedgehog. Okay, maybe, but you definitely never see a two-tailed fox. Like, you just never see.

Ooh, it's a sequel, isn't it? Isn't it a sequel? All right, fine. You saw a blue hedgehog, but what about a red one that kind of had a bad attitude? That's just knuckles. That's just knuckles. He's got sunglasses on, honey.

I mean, the worm is just his head. What's the rest of the body? I don't understand it. I can't believe that I lost out on the idea for kid chameleon by two. days. Anyone remember a kid chameleon? No. Yeah, I vaguely do.

What's that? You wear a bunch of different helmets in your It's like some impossible Sega game with like a hundred levels and every level you're a different character because he's the kid chameleon. I did not have Sega. I did not have Genesis. I did not have Genesis. I did not have the Bible either.

So whatever. Blah, blah, blah. This is when she's like, I guess I'll just have to kill this. lady's dogs and I'm going to hire these two guys that like are I guess are these animal murderers on retainer or is it job by job animal kidnappers okay first and foremost that's why she's got another dude for killing he's he's the one who's taken care of mr uh what's i don't know skinner skinner yeah of course executioner type of dude got like a cloudy eye so you know he's a bit deevo skinner Jesus why not you just call fucking roger dog that's his name roger

your dog. Roger video games is fucking name. Fucking idiots. So whatever. She's like, you know, she's got this great plan. And yeah, I mean, we're not talking about it. Glenn Close is good. She's doing it. She's fine. I mean, it's

over the top. It's interesting to watch. But I feel like everyone else is trying to make this mopee movie. I don't know. I guess Hugh Lurie and stuff are matching that energy. But the main stars are just like, oh, I don't know. I guess we have dogs that fuck. Because the dog should be

boring. The dog should be the stars. Also, it's a kind of a triangle, right? It's like, this part of the movie is Mopee, meet cute, fucking whatever. Then there's like Home Alone with Hugh Lorry. And then like they went through Tim Burton's

garbage to find this Cruella whole thing. Like all these trees and all this shit. The derelict castle. I will, I guess, throw myself in front of the train here and say that. That stuff actually worked for me. I appreciated, like, the creepy, like, animated, you know,

you know, background of, like, going up to her castle or whatever. All of the shit with her also, because, like, so much I remember of the animated film is Corella DeVille, like, crazily driving her car. Sure. Which you definitely don't get enough of in this movie. There's, like, one or two sequences of it. And then, like, she is driving through the rest of the movie, but you never see her, like, behind the wheel again. That's true. The other cool thing from the cartoon is when she's smoking, it's like piss yellow.

They get a special thing that, like, just to show you how toxic this person is, that's an interesting decision. There's no interesting decisions here. It's surprising that she's smoking in this movie, though. But her hair is white and black. Uh-huh. Ain't that interesting. And she seems to have bought all of her furniture from the collection of Catherine O'Hara from Beetlejuice. Yes, exactly.

Tim Burns Carpidge. You're what's funny as I accidentally turned on like the descriptive audio language and I understand why it's there but it was funny because I was trying to put on the captioning when I was watching this and that went on instead and the first line that came out

I was expecting to read the captioning. It was like, Corella has white and black hair. That's all you need to know. Dude, that's the character, man. Yep. And I mean, that's the thing too is like, yeah. I mean, it was kind of ironic.

There's this bit, you know, the bit earlier in the episode, early in the film when she when Anita has this great design and she kind of made it for herself and Cruella takes it which is kind of exactly what Disney does all the time

well you're working on anything you make it's ours the Lion King wasn't an anime no no no it wasn't there was not a white lion movie that where he becomes a king

no shut the fuck up it doesn't exist oh yes I totally forgot I thought you were making a joke for a second but that's absolutely true the way what's happening they just stole the Lion King like the strange

of stolen. Yeah. Sure. Well, they did it. I mean, she does in this movie what Disney on the whole does. I'm just going to change it a little bit. Now it's like, oh, here's this dress that you draw you drew. Great. Now, just put a little thing here, a little line here. And now there's a cape to it too. And now it's

my design. Look, I'm going to add Elton John and then it's going to work. That's how you make anything better, dude. So there's this like home invasion scene basically. Because like, this is incredible to me. like no more than 48 hours before this your one dog had a litter of 15 puppies

and you're like leaving them all just like a day or two later with this weird nanny lady while you go out on like a double date with your dogs it's like oh fuck that but double dog date and dude Cruella wanted to buy them you she were you know you refuse to sell to her

and then suddenly burglar show I mean it's just stupid it's all there yeah it's all there They also make, there's like two scenes showing like there's this weird security system where Pongo has to hit a button with his nose. And then the fucking two guys get in by an open door. The nanny just opens the door and they force themselves in. You could do a cute thing where the dog knows how to open the door. You don't need to have this like weird. That's the whole point of having a fucking door is so your dog can't get out.

If you have a big red button, he's going to push it. And then he's going to get hit by a fucking car. Or a lorry, I suppose. Right, which is a British car, right? Yes. We, uh, Hong Kong. Uh, we didn't mention at the beginning of the movie, Jeff Daniels has his bachelor pad situated much like Doc Brown's workshop.

Yes, he does. Where it's like this fucking idiot man baby cannot get out of bed by himself. He needs his dog to fucking put the coffee on. The dog's waking him up. The dog's fucking taking himself outside to go to the bathroom. Like that's, that's the biggest one. Like your dog should not. know how to get out of your house.

It should not be taking itself outside to go to the bathroom unless it's like you have a doggy door and like a fenced-in backyard or something. Obviously that's fine. Not in like the middle of like metropolitan London town. I love, I love my pets. But I mean, all pets do is get exceedingly more expensive with medical problems. Like that's kind of how that works. They don't help you.

They never get you anything. They need dentists too, it turns out. You morons. like a cat with fucking asthma. Are you kidding me? That's very silly. Casma. Casma.

Yeah, so like it's, and they kind of like, it's almost, it's not violent, violent, but they shove this old lady in that fucking closet. It should have gone further, you know, like give her like a real bloody one. Whatever you hit. They gave me a knock on my gulliver, lady. Yeah.

Where's the gulliver? We'll find out. They took the, dog and her vagina I don't know where they all. Because I mean, and you Lori's fun in this. Mark Williams is fun. A daddy

Diesley, you call him right there. The guy from Harry Potter. Weasley. Weasley. He made everyone call him Daddy Weasel. Well, no. He's the father of Ron Weasley. Oh, so he's the guy. Right. That's where I know. Yeah.

That's the movie. Yeah. Yeah. But, God, these guys suck. I kind of feel like, because I mean, the other... That kind of sucks. They kind of, they do, I mean, like, that's the thing is, it's just obviously, uh, Daniel Stern and Jenner. Yeah, it's, it's very clearly.

Like, they even, like, poof out you, Lori's hair a touch. That's dude, when, when they have their fucking schlongs and testicles rotisserie on that electric fence, after work, they get, like, shot up in the air and, like, Hugh Lorry stands up, and it's exactly Daniel Stern. Yeah. Oh, I got it. couple of scotch eggs in my pants to do. Oh, boy. Deep fried, me balls are? So they steal

all these fucking puppies. Sure, a sack full of pups. Oh, my God, I can't believe the puppies are stolen. We have no fucking clue. It takes us an hour to figure out Cruella's behind it, even though she has said as such. Yes, it's so ridiculous. And we have to get, like, the barks across

England. I almost said America. That would be wrong. Again, a thing that is totally acceptable in the cartoon. They exactly do this in the cartoon. But then we get, like, in Winterfell and these horses are talking. And then like a mouse's fucking weird

disgusting tail points to guide the dog on his mission to spread the word about this kidnapping. And the dog is acting out. I don't know if it's the kidnapping or what Cruella is because Crewella's theme plays a little over it. But it's like this

dog with a cape or maybe is that supposed to be the sack of puppies? I don't know. It's just I mean again like the dogs because this is when the movie turns to do a silent film for about an hour you know what I mean? Aside from fucking animal parks and like oh my nuts like you know what I mean like there's no dialogue

there's no like character there and again the cartoon it makes sense because like the dog is like oh that's an old whatever kind of a dog and this is this kind of a dog that's that kind of a dog I was losing my mind during this segment because I paused it to get some more whiskey and then I went back and I was like oh shit I miss the fucking

dog dance I better watch that again to understand what that is. And then I go back and I play it and then my my fucking remote screws up and it plays even further back and I'm watching these dogs bark and bark and bark and bark and bark. You're losing it. I see it right now.

I'm losing it, Chris. This main dog, I guess he's kind of a Westie almost on with all the curls. Airdale Terrier. Thanks. What's that mean Westy? It's like a Western European. No, it's an Irish gang from Hell's Kitchen. They would leave dog

No, no, no. No, but like, he's like kind of the protagonist of this movement of the film. He's the hero of the motion picture. Exactly. Why? I don't know this dog. Exactly. I didn't see this dog nutting to another dog like the other dog. You never saw this dog get trained either.

That's true. Mary dog. It's a bit of a doggy sue. I will say though, he's a he's a Philip Seymour Hoffman type. He steals the show immediately. This is exquisite dog acting. Some of the best you will see. That's true. I was going to say the The thing about the dog shots is, like, in the original, you have layout artists. There's all this stuff to be designed.

There's lovely things to look at. It's the back of an ugly fucking house and a dog barking. That's what you're showing now. Yeah. And then we move into the next movement, which is like the filth mansion of Corella DeVille, where these dangerous dog thieves are living in. How long does it take to fucking kill 15 dogs? 21 minutes?

I could do it in 10. but I'm an American. Well, that's, it would be interesting if he, like, it would be funny even to watch Hugh Lurie and be like, have to psych himself into like, guy, gonna have to kill him, gonna have to do it, gonna actually, Mr. Skinner, the stupidest named man in a fucking London,

he can't do it quite yet. So I'm gonna have to do it. Okay, here we go. That's the thing. He talks a big show and he never like, kills, none of his 99 of them. Because that's right, we should also say they also,

Crewella, it's really kind of weird, dude. It's kind of fucked up. because she's like, I've got 84 other dogs but that I've stolen or bought from whatever means because I'm a rich, crazy old lady. But I have, she even says like, and it'll be like I'm wearing Anita's dogs. And does this like crazy.

She says that to her. Yes. I'm sorry. Like, that's insane. You know, you're this rich. You got this estate. Buy some fucking dogs and breed them and kill them. Like Tom Six does. Yeah, they can't get you.

you then? I have six houses full of dogs. They will all die eventually for my wardrobe. That's also the problem is like any remake, I'm just thinking about the Simpsons episode. Yeah, I know.

That knocked it out of the fucking part. Check out this vest made from real gorilla chest. Yeah, it's my new favorite puppy, Rory Calhoun. She, my loafers, former golfers.

absolutely yeah but like yeah it's a lot of like whatever we're waiting for Skinner to get there and like you Lori does kind of try not suck himself up but he's like

all right let's kill these dogs and they grab these pipes and they're going to start smash and that's another thing that I was fucking clutching my pearls about because they're sitting there and he's like you know what the Skinner guy's never going to get

I'm going to head start on killing some of these dogs And the other guy is like, well, no, that's Skinner's job. He says something like Skinner doesn't get to have all the fun. All the fun, yikes, dude. And then, yeah, and then like Mark Williams, is that this other guy's name? He's like, you know, well, how are you going to do it? And he picks up like a fire poker and he's like, well, I think I'll use this to bash their brains in. And I'm like, all right, that's fine.

That's what I want to see in this fucking movie. Just gleefully talking about a puppy's brains coming out of his. skull. I was getting a little crypt when he was handled the dog a little too harsh. Yeah, that's good to be thinking about. Thank you. We're crossing a threshold, I think, that this is like not really a kid's movie. Yeah. I mean,

it's the, what the irony is this was the first of the Disney live action. Right. To be G. I think Jungle Book was PG or whatever because that came before this. And that was the cartoon. The live action Jungle Book was a live action Jungle Book in the mid

90s, like 94, I think, is. that and then that's like a super Disney direct remake? I believe so yeah. It's kind of oh fuck it's a nobody's gonna know it. It's one of the guys from Balls of Fury plays

Mowgli. Oh weird. That ping pong not Dan what's his face the fact guy. No in the in the comic book my god in the cartoon is it like are we like aggressively

murdering dogs? I guess that's the plot In the cartoon, yeah. No, it's about the dog murder. But again, like, I don't know. I just feel like in a cartoon you can get away with it. You know what I mean? That's what I've been saying. Like, there's so much leeway you have with content. And with language.

The way you frame it, like, oh, it looks pretty scary for, but you're in a cartoon. Oh, it's going to be fine, sweetheart. You know. Jason Scott Lee. Oh, Jason Scott Lee. Man, I just looked it up to. Yeah, it's 94. And Carrie Elway's and Lena Heady, the Searcy and.

and also Mama from Dred. Wow, I got to go back to this. What is the title of the movies? The Jungle Book 94. Stephen Summers directed. It wasn't as successful as this. This was the one that really knocked out of the park. And it's weird because it took so long.

And you're right, Chris. Or whichever one of you said it. I don't have my glasses today. I don't know whoever is even talking. Steve is literally staring out the window. Steve lost his glasses on the way. Oh, Sam Neal. Oh, John Cleese.

It's darker than it. kind of my favorite version that's not the animated version because it's actually kind of dark. Never, never saw any of them. But the thing is like, um, ever since like Cinderella came out in whatever 2012 or whatever that was. Yeah. We've just been doing these

fuck shit fuck remakes. You know what I mean? And like they realized, oh, we can't do another shit fuck remake because we already did that one. So then it's like, what's the, what can else can we do? I guess the prequel. They did Beauty and the Beast, right? Yeah. That happened recently. Beauty and the Beast. there was another jungle book there was

Lion King Aladdin Mulan was the most recent one there's a bunch I think I don't like they're all just cannibalizing their IP that's all they're doing at that's all they got that's all they're going to do and like am I honestly going to have to see a real

life fucking Oscar and company I will lose my mind you dude I would bet you money they did a lady in the tramp that nobody saw because it was right when the pandemic started and they dumped it on Disney Plus do you know the weird thing about that one lots of dog fucking on the screen?

No. Do you know who wrote it? Sylvester Stallone. Andrew Buzolski. wrote to that. What? Is that it? What? I'm joking. That's what happens, dude. You make something good for adults and like, hey, dude, come to my cartoon factory,

you dumb fuck. And here's some money. Alex Ross Perry fucking wrote Christopher Robin. That's right. I forgot about that. Christopher Robin at least like tried to do something. I didn't see that. But like, to be, but you're right, though.

It's the same fucking horses. Listen, you got to find a new pervert cartoonist to start churning out new IP. We're saying it today. We're so happy to announce it. We've got the safty brothers right in our Oliver and company. It's going to be fantastic. This is how I win, Oliver. And definitely all of it's going to make it.

It's not like we're going to hire 17 writers to absolutely butcher it to shit. Negating the whole point of it. But whatever. Oh, man. And I mean, the other thing about like why you, definitely couldn't do another like contemporary Dalmatians now also because they made that sequel in 2000 yes 102 Dalmatians and I don't remember I never saw it but it was when I was working at the multiplex because it came out November of 2000 I started in like June of 2000 and like

that was a weird so you think that helped America heal a little bit was 2000 oh 2000 it was a This is actually why we got hit. Part for tragedy. Is that one the one where the dog births 100 kids? That's where it happens. Yeah, that's what happens. That was a weird... That didn't do as well, though.

This movie made, like, globally something like over $300 million. Sure. That one, the 102 Dalmatians globally was like something under 200 million worldwide and domestically, specifically, Tank City. Sure. You know, honey. was thinking about it. I've been reading a lot of science fiction lately.

What if there was a human fox pilot that went up into the sky with his frog friend, his falcon friend? Dear, I love you. For some reason, I have no idea why. There could be this big monkey that clap. Do you play

video games? Because what all do you ever do, every day I wake up, every day I make myself a strong cup of tea to deal with your bullshit and you describe to me video games that already exist and I barely play them and I know.

I understand that, honey. Look, this is my last one but I'm sure this is new. All right. I'm going to fucking lose it. A bear named after my favorite instrument. Don't do it. The banjo.

You son of a bitch. And a bird named after my favorite keyboard, Kazio, you idiot. You both, you both have the same kind of dog. That's why you love each other. I'm your marriage counselor I don't know I don't know

Whenever you're gonna fight Just be like oh the dog's doing something Look you have two dogs They look exactly the same You both fell in a shit pond On the day you met You're made for each other All marriages go like this

They're all like this One the guy is a con artist And the woman makes all the money That's how marriages work and you're both sloppy and you're falling to fucking shit and it turns you on. When you think about leaving one another,

just ask yourself this. Are you going to find another partner that will fornicate on a wee-wee pad with you? Now, now, even I have to tell you, I have heard of a game where a hero goes after a lady named Zelda. I've heard of it.

I got to tell you, I'm citing with her. Now, I know I'm supposed to be, you know, partial. And you didn't get that name from F. Scott Fitzgerald. Don't even try that shit. Took it from the actual video game that already exists. Oh, really? Could you send me a link to that?

We named the hero after my favorite food, sausage links. All right, one more. So it's like you're running around on all these levels and like burr and like buns and patties and lettuce and cheese slices. Deary, that's big at times.

sweetheart. That is just burger time. Oh, it's burger time? You make me some lunch, babe? No, I'm talking with the video game that's already exists. Yeah, right. Like, there's some game where a bunch of evil fried eggs ketchup bottles are chasing you around, you got a dump soft

pepper on it. Yeah, someone made that up already. Very funny, honey. Can you make a burger for Pongo? You know, oh, honey, you might be thinking of burger time, but this is hamburger a time. There's no cheese. I was just, you know, last night

I went to the pub, they were playing American basketball, and I was like, what if these dudes jamed together a little bit? What if the NBA jam in touch? I'm just going to have to key you I guess. I'm just going to have to stitch a fucking throw. It's the NBA

jam. It's the most fucking everybody knows about it. There's consoles and it's on the video game at home. Listen, don't have a dog aneurism, okay? How about a space chair? I walked into the pub and they were playing some American basketball games and I noticed, well, they don't have the air conditioning on here.

I thought to myself in the third person, he's heating up. That's stupid. I love it. But so whatever, this is when like Pongo and Purdy let themselves out. out, and again, they're not characters because they can't talk. It's just two fucking Dalmatians running in the field. Awesome. I think so much of this movie, like,

they're making this movie and so much of its justification for why they were doing things the way they were doing them was like, well, everybody saw the cartoon. Maybe they'll be able to follow it. Yeah. Exactly. It's so hard to see what, they run to her house because all these different dogs let them know. Meanwhile,

the hero dog is getting all the other dogs out except for Lucky Who's Sleeping This dog, this hero dog, breaks into this mansion from the root. He's like Ethan Hunt the door. Hell yeah. It's crazy, this guy. Rooftop entrance.

Unbelievable. Wonderful. Him and the bull. Ethan hound, baby. Oh, definitely. Ethan hunting dog. Oh, that's it. There you go.

This dilapidated. My question about this house, is Corrella also living there? Or does she have some, like, sexy London? They say it's her. she owns property like she's not where she lives it's her ancestral estate or something in Suffolk or whatever

yeah this farm where they make shit it seems like and only they farm shit it seems like oh my god the the the topsy-turvy shit dumping on her is redonculus what is this she's like her family estate's also non-stop cooking

molasses I found it intensely erotic it was pretty hot yeah it's kind of like black book It's hard. It was like it was the last few sentences of my letterbox after I watched this. I was like the last 10 minutes

of this movie I was hard as a rock for the whole time. That molasses bath? Look out. God damn. But yeah, dude, that, listen,

I know it's like this castle or whatever, but you got to do some upkeep. You got to do a little bit of renovations, just normal stuff. Dude, can't have separate fucking pools of shit from animals,

which is what she has. There seems to be a pond for pictures, a pond for cow shit. And she's just rolling around in it for the last five minutes of this movie. Manure is very important and a great you know. Sure. Well, it's good. Economic touchstone.

It's got the ma, which is good. Right. The noir. But what happens here like these animals? The tube and the thing and they turn into CGI fucking screensavers. And then there's like raccoons that

know how to drive a car. Dude, all of a sudden in this movie turns into fucking Ace Ventura. like the raccoons are like the woodpecker screws over these guys. I will say I like the raccoon puppets. The raccoon puppets are kind of nice. All right so it's a

company by the way. Really? Yeah. That makes sense. So there's the bird that knocks on the door. Yeah. They answer the door and the fucking raccoons have like hotwired their car. Look, it's the red wire it goes into the green one. You tie it together

and then do it do-do-da-do-do-d-do-d-d-d-d-d- what else happens? Well, like, Apollonia, no! I mean, it ends up being like Ocean's 11. Like Bernie Macbird is like trying to fly lucky out while the other ones are like, it's just so complicated. I'm like, just let the dogs go. I stopped knowing what was happening.

There's a lot of shoots that these dogs go down. I guess they're gutters or something. Yeah, that's the escape route, I guess, like, through a hole in the fucking whatever. They're doing renovations and like you're supposed to put garbage down there or something. And that's fucking home alone too. That's Uncle Rob's place on the Upper West Side, you thief. You self thief.

So like, I don't know, like they get up on the roof and one of the oafs falls into ice water or something. It would be cool if he just died. I thought he was dying. Because he gets out of this ice water. This is Horace. This is not you, Lori. Yeah, yeah.

And he starts to freeze. Like, you see him freezing. It's like T-1000 freezing. And I'm like, okay, so this guy's actually dying by the hand of dogs and animals. Hello, I'm made from liquid metal, I am. But then he comes back and he's just like, oh, I bitter cold, ain't I? And that makeup, he looks like fucking Mr. Freeze with that. And it's kind of a bad job, too, because he's in the car with Hugh Lorry.

And any time the actor turns his head to look at Hugh Lurie in the car, you can just see the makeup has not gone all the way around his neck. They haven't even done it in the face. Yeah. You know that picture of Trump where you see the tan is like a circle and then the rest of it? You mean all of them?

Yeah, well, there's one more like that hair blows back and you can see it all and I'm like, that's what it looks like. It looks like you just patted

the fucking face like this and then you left it to fucking chance. A skunk goes into Kuella's car isn't that cheeky. That's set up, dude,

for the last joke. Oh, the great last joke. Can't wait. I can't wait to get to it. Remember that one for the ride home. Yeah,

just like whatever. I mean, you lorry gets whatever and at a certain point they like kind of they lose the the plot really I don't even know they're trying to go back in their own fence and that's that's the electric on the balls thing well because they're like following the puppies and because we see the puppies got it are able to navigate through the fence because there's some part where they can jump over it so they try to do it there and Cruella's like oh well do it myself I need to kill these puppies I'd be like dude how about you put your some distance between yourself and this crime. Now is a great time to go on vacation. Absolutely. Oh my God, I was in, I was in Las Vegas the whole time. What happened?

What? That's crazy. I think this guy Skinner shows up to kill Lucky. Now Lucky's the one in peril. Rather unlucky right here. That's true. Interesting. Lucky does have a nice little psych gag though where like the little guys walking around this disgusting house and there's some like really old magazine on the floor. There's a picture of Corella DeVille on the cover

and he pisses on it. Yeah, that's fun. Straight up dog pissed Joe. Oh, yeah. And, well, you know, the skunk thing at the end of the movie, actually, when it pisses, you see some of it go into her mouth. Do you really? I thought I saw a clear shot of Corella getting her mouth pissed in by

a skunk and it was working for me. Is that the mist that a skunk releases? It's just it's piss. No, it's like a sack, I think it's piss, right? No, it's not piss. Dude, it's sack piss. I guess all of it's sackpiss. But let me tell you this right now. Years ago, way back in the 1990s,

just like this movie has said. Way, way back in the 1990s. Andrew's going to tell a story about one of our dogs when I was growing up killed a skunk in the backyard. And when laying the death

blow tore the skunks set sack, the defensive sack. And it exploded in the yard And there was just this fucking cloud in the yard It was awful The dog smelled horrendous for years Like not as like not day one smell all the way

But like if you like gave her a pat on the head Like a year out and then smelled your hand You got a little whiff of scott. Oh my God The smell has melded with the dog We can't say it. I had a dog that fought a porcupine Oh, no.

And had to get that bitch to the hospital. Been there, too. That happened in one of them there, Homeward Bound motion pictures. I forget which one. I would be in San Francisco, I don't believe. Oh, I guess that makes a lot of sense. You never know.

It could get prickly down there. Wait, that's not a, you know, sexual joke. No, no, you know. Prickly. It's a major city area. Come out, the porcupines hang out in the Castro. But all the dark. go to a barn on the property

and Kurola tracks them there and like she just starts falling into shit and like poor Glenn close like I could do this character that'll be fun and apparently she I was reading this she was very insistent to a bring

in language from the cartoon which is more violent than what Hughes was using you know what I mean about I'm going to kill these puppies because she wanted to make it like cathartic when she gets it at the end right she was way into this but I mean like I don't know dude I can only see somebody fall into like one vat of crap

and then like by the third one it's lost it's luster I'll be honest what you did yeah Glenn you know we loved you in fatal attraction that's you know the price we're giving you that reflects that now what I need to ask you this is how is your mud diving ability shit diving it's I'm sorry and this would be shit diving but really the stuff that would be made of is mud so how are you doing on that got trainers for that So, I know. So Cuella, like, she gets kicked into this vat of fucking molasses, right? This chick gets kicked by a horse a lot. Yes.

And then she gets, I forget how she falls in the molasses. I don't know if some animal does it. But then that horse kicks her. Dude. And then, like, another horse, like, steps on a board that then propels her out of a fucking window. And then into the shit that she's a shit farmer and there's all the manure fields she falls in here. She would have, she'd be in a back brace for the rest of her life of this fucking horse. Or dead.

Dude, the horse kick is one thing. That's how Don Draper's dad died, man. The horse kick is one thing, but then the stomp on the floorboard, which propels her up through a window and then back out onto the ground where there's another pool of shit waiting to break her fall. Meanwhile, back in London town, there's like the police are like, oh, we've raided Crewellas and yes, I think she did intend to kill some dogs. So we're going to dispatch every unit of the Suffolk police. She killed the tiger she did. Right, they find out that. Yeah, the inside of her body would feel like a bag of mix and match candy at this point.

Like, it's not going to hold together. You would see the headline the next morning in the sun, and it's just like, fashion magnate drowns in literal pool of shit after neck broken by horse kick. Also may have tried to murder over 90 dogs. I will say, when this, so they survive and she gets shit on and she gets arrested. Yeah. When the Dalmatians are coming over the ridge and the police officers like, why? It's like as if the fucking boys are coming back from Dunker.

Yeah. It's a bunch of dogs. Like, come on. That is a really abhorrent CGI shot of those dogs. And that's what I'm talking about. Give me a fucking hundred dogs running. You could do that. Fire a gun near a hundred dogs.

They'll run. Picture Mark Rylance, like taking a Dalmatian back to Dunkirk. There's no running from this lad. We have to go and fight. Yeah, you can fire the gun in front of the puppy's face if you own it first. Oh, Mark, Bridges Spies.

What a movie. You were so good in that, such a nuanced performance. What if you played the dad in the Aristocrats, huh? How do that sound? Well, I've already, sink your teeth into that. I've already played the big fawting giant. Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to be a cat, cool, awesome 80s.

Lack of representation for 101 Dalmatians in Ready Player 1. They better fix that in Ready Player 5. Remember 2 is happening? I don't know if they're making the movie. I mean, the book came out. I saw that trailer today again for the Ryan Reynolds video game movie. And it's just, we're just doing

ready player movies now. This is the weird problem about this. I'm not calling it a post-pandemic at all because so many people are still dying. You should get vaccinated by the way. If you can. It's a really great point. If you can, I'm not sitting on an ivory tower. But this weird world

in which bad movies were coming out a year and a half ago. are still coming out. And I'm like, what, where am I? What, what, what, you know what I mean? Like, it's just like, what, literally I feel like, what day is it? And it's not Christmas. Yes, I saw a bond trailer again today.

And I swear I've been like trapped in some wizard's crystal for you. Dude, it really is like that. Dude, just like Carabairs 2 episode also very filthy. But the thing, here's the thing, I don't know. It's funny you brought up free man because I don't know if it's just like the straight up, not going to the movies for over a year, whatever. But when I saw a fucking spiral, they had a trailer for free man. And in that moment, I will tell the truth to you now.

I was like, okay. You know, because here's the thing. Yeah, it's inside a video game, but at least it's not existing properties. It's just a weird fake video game. I don't know. The Ryan Reynolds comedy, apart from Deadpool, the Ryan Reynolds' comedy project has been a disaster. I have just, like, the Van Wilder

up until now, it's just been all bad. What else can he do? Well, I would like him, like, Deadpool is more playing to his strengths. He should be more filthy. Like, this stuff is stupid as hell. But I'm just saying he can't lead a drama. No, sure. Definitely not.

I mean, he could try. Well, no, he has tried and it's been terrible. Yeah. Well, like, what? Like, what's that there was a, it was like, I guess it's a romantic comedy, but it's more of a dramatic. Proposal? No, definitely Maybe. Oh, yes. Where he's like a dad. And yeah, and I think it's the Abigail Breslin

from Little Miss Sunshine. She's like, tell me how you met my mom or whatever. And it's like a bunch of stories. Also, she had the same dog, so it's like fucking She had the same dog and my dog was horny for that dog so then I trained myself to be horny for your mom. Isn't that nice?

I bred myself like a dog and that is you, the offspring. He was kind of okay in that buried okay where he's in the coffin and Tobos calling him on the phone yeah I barely remember

that but I remember it being fine Oh David be calling Ryan Reynolds on the phone I actually called into the coffin no he wasn't actually in the coffin I will say though

that fucking hit man's wife's bodyguard like the sequel to a the sequel to a movie I turned off yeah yeah okay that's a thing but no thing. So all the dogs come back. The cops are like, well, you know what? You should just take these dogs. Like, do we have to?

Like, yeah, I guess so. It's either that we got some mom. And it's like, dude, fucking light the torch. Dude, no one has them for a hundred and one Dalmatians. You don't take him, mom. Yeah, exactly. But you know, dopey fucking dopey-doey

Jeff Jann. It's like, oh, I don't know. We'll find a bigger place. We'll just buy a dog castle what is this that's the end scene of us living in the dog first starts like samson has to bet oh this is a great video game is a billion dollars it is see now this is where i was like okay krella deville de ville that's got to be fake because it's in the fucking video game you cannot have someone named after a real life adversary i didn't see a hundred one 102 delamations andrew you watched it when you're doing your uh uh a

working at the theater. Does she sue Jeff Daniels at the beginning of that movie? Like, is that how that works? Because to correct for her like this. I've never seen the movie. It was a thing where like doing the theater checks of like quality control going. So I've seen like parts of it. All I remember from it is that like

it starts with her like literally getting out of jail. Got it. So she's done time. I think Hugh Lurie and the other guy are also in it still at this point. Wonderful. One cigarette lighter gold. One one prophylactic. Thank you.

Used on a dog. So, yeah, he likes the game and they can afford a castle. And this lady has to get knocked up twice in the same. L-O-L-L, dude. How about you fucking write a woman character, you dumb fuck? No, that's not going to be happening. No. You're John Hughes, so, yeah.

Women like puppy, women like baby. Yes. That women like puppy, women like baby. Women like baby again? Women like puppy violently. Women use family fortune to buy Dog Castle? Like seriously, this video game must have been such a hit.

It was the fucking second comment of Super Mario Brothers if you bought this castle. I mean, there's not much product placement in this. Have it be revealed that her father is like Donald Iams. And he owns the fucking Iams fucking dog food corporation. He's got a fucking nice farm where you can bring all the dogs. He's going to take photos for his fucking PR and his marketing and all that shit.

Go right ahead. And then she gets a job like helping making the dog food by like hitting sheep in the head without sledgehammer. Dude, also like all these Dalmatians are going to be fucking each other on your property left. You're apparently religiously opposed to getting a dog fixed, I guess. Yeah. You're going to have fucking nothing but Dalmatian puppies. Well, I just don't understand to sell them the firehouses or give them to like special, you know, like having them being seeing eye dogs. It's like train them for something.

That's right. And like, because again, the end of the cartoon is the exact same thing. They just have a big house out of nowhere and all the dogs are running around. Okay. In this movie, it has to be, we bought like a farm and it's like a Dalmatian rescue and you're seeing a bunch of these puppies get it. Like, you have to logically deal with this if it's a real world situation. They're now just their pets. And in 10, 12 years, it's going to be dog Holocaust castle.

Or, and it will truly be. a planet of Dalmatians. Yeah, potentially, this is something. We should do like an horrible little bombardment of this castle. You at least have to work at the FBI like Will Graham, if you're going to have this many dogs hanging out with you all the time. They should be interviewed by someone like Will Graham or the X-Files or something. They should have a thick file on these two.

Absolutely. Scully, it's fucking crazy that these idiots won't fix any of these dogs. What an X-file. It's a slow week at the X-Files. Miles. Mulder, do you mean to tell me that somebody has adopted 101 Dalmatians? That's insane. Nobody can do it. That's not realistic.

Oh, really? Oh, really? Scully. Scotland Yard doesn't think it's insane. And we're going over there to help. The FBI is booked us passage on the Concord. We're going tonight, Scully. They never went overseas to help someone in England like that. I would have loved to see the FBI. They can't, really, right? Oh, why not? We can consult on things.

The Firestarter episode. the lady is British. She's working for British intelligence. Yeah, but it's in America, though. Yeah, she's worked, but... I want Mulder and Sculling. So you want them to dress up Vancouver, not as another U.S. town,

but as an English town, is that I used to ask? Listen, if it was Vancouver, you still could have got away with it. Season 6 and onward where you're filming in L.A., no way Foggy L.A. No way Foggy L.A. You're talking about British agents working on our soil in this one episode. I don't like that. We've got to get a few guys over there.

Uh-huh. Check things out. There is the episode where they're in, like, the North Pole, and it's kind of like a, the thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's kind of a fun situation. With the worm. It's a fantastic episode.

Oh, my, no, Scully, we've discovered that Santa Claus is real. But he's a child killer, just like Norse lore or something. Scully, you ever heard of the fucking elves? Look at this envelope. Scully, there's been sightings of a huge rabbit stealing eggs in Cleveland. All right, Scully, I'm setting a trap for this. This heinous paranormal monster. I have a little tooth that I'm going to put under my pillow

and see if the tooth fairy comes to attack me. Oh, it's here we track. How are you folks doing? It's Larry the cable dog. Tooth fairy two. Shoot it, Scully. No, shoot me. No, Mulder, you'll have to shoot me.

You know, and then the only thing, there's two things I liked in this movie. Glenn Close's performance, I still think, is a total grand slam. Sure. And then the genius. of getting Dr. John to sing the actual Corella DeVille song at the end

I was all about it. Very good. Bethany sucks. Oh, Bethany sucks. Bethany went down to New Orleans and she sucked. Bethany's drinking a white call it work. No wonder she's on the door. Anita, I told you that in confidence.

She thought she's so smart By pouring it in a cup But everybody knows Bethany's drinking white claw at work Microdocin only works In the movies You get arrested otherwise You're not Matt Mickelson

And he would know Yes he would Oh man That's the end of this movie Blissfully Thank Christ Would anybody recommend And this particular live-action Disney adaptation, Steve Zanek.

Absolutely not. I mean, like, it's just such a, like most of the, I would almost wager all of these live-action Disney movies. It's just, you have, especially in one-on-one Dalmatians, you've got this crystalline perfect movie, this cartoon that is, it told, I was watching it last time, I was laughing. I was like, it's funny still, like it works. Like, you know what I mean? It's cute.

It's charming. And you could put it on in front of a kid. Like, you put this in on in front of a kid, and the kid will. getting sucked right in because it's cute dogs and it's actually better than this horse shit and just there's no reason to watch this nonsense. That's me. Chris Cabin. Absolutely.

I mean I'm going to reiterate everything he said but like the one thing like the the original like the problem with these remakes is like the originals have wall to wall creation. Yep. Like nonstop. Your eyes are going everywhere. Your ears are going everywhere. There's no creation to this

other than Glenn Close. Right. She's trying to create like like I like we were saying, Tim Burton's stuff. They're just like, let's bring this in here. It's like just a hodgepodge. But then Glenn Close is trying to do something. Right. Nobody else is.

Totally. Yeah, I almost feel like it's in like, yes, I'm sure the cartoon is better. I haven't seen it. But she's really swinging for the fences. I don't know if it exactly works all the time. Because certain characters are trying to be in a cartoon and certain characters aren't. Right. And I find that abrasive.

Anyway, I don't like the movie. Yeah, I would just say, you know, I'm sure a bunch of you out there have Disney Plus for one reason or another. Revisit these classic animated movies. Again, like I said, most of them are under 80 minutes. It's awesome. I mean, thinking about like whenever it was two summers ago, like I think it was summer 2019 when that guy Richie directed Aladdin movie came out with Will Smith.

Like, just like it's one of those things. We've said it a lot on the show, but like so many people had to say yes to get to that point where that movie was released and I saw it in a theater. like it's amazing when you have an incredible movie like the animated Aladdin that Robin Williams performance you cannot fucking beat that if you tried Gilbert like you can't beat it and then you watch that guy Richie movie and it's like just everything about it

is soulless and terrible being reminded of all of these remade like that I forgot about the Aladdin I did too I didn't even see it's like being dipped in Chernobyl it's just I remember it and my whole body goes weak I'm just like fuck Why? And the Lion King thing, too, is an abomination.

I've never seen anything that bad in my life. That's the one where they try to make not real animals. They're like photorealistic CGI. It's not live action. It's action, action, okay? It's animated action. I don't care. Just give us your fucking money. Shut the fuck up and give us your money.

To be fair, John Favro did need a Stargate. So, you had a couple houses. He had a spaceship. He now needed a Stargate. of cash. I guess the silver lining on that project or the jungle book or whatever is him developing like the best. Chef two. No, no, the new like rear projection we now see on the Mandalorian. Yeah, that's true. I could see that being innovative in the future. Sure. Even in in methods that aren't just rehashing old IP. But like Zemeckis did these advances and also made pretty good movies or interesting movies at the very least.

up until his fucking CGI movies? What are he crazy? No, but like Forrest Gump is a technical fucking achievement. Like the Polar Express. Like these are things like he did a similar thing as Fabro. Like his main thing was like,

I'm just going to follow these types of technology and see what I can do with them. And most of them are bad. But they're interesting bad. These are just like dull bad. Like that's my problem with Fabro in general. Well, Fabro, if you're listening, I love you. Uh-huh.

And I'm looking for a cameo. When John Favre goes through his Stargate, do you think at the other end, it's just a planet of people would talk like the Swingers characters? Because that's what you want to talk about when Andrew would commit suicide in a movie. It's that.

You're all grown-stup, okay? You found the seventh fucking seal or whatever. Come on a coffee shop table. Come on a coffee shop table. Come on. Let's do it. Yeah, I'm dead. Kill me, James Spader. That is 101 Delmation.

from 1996 directed by We Hate Movies, two-timers Stephen Herrick back to back. If you want more We Hate Movies, of course, check out WHModcast.com or head over to patreon.com slash we hate movies. We got a lot of great stuff

coming up in the month of June. We've got a brand new We Love Movies on a History of Violence. Yes. Which I'm very excited to relive. Totally. It's been since like the days of standard deaf DVD

since I've seen that movie. Same. We've also got a lifetime. It's once in a lifetime, Eric. What are we talking about? I think we're going to be talking about death of a cheerleader. Yes. Which is Tori Spelling.

And hilarious, hilarious turn of fate there in this movie where Donna gets ganged by a knife. That was used to cut cucumbers with, you see the movie, listen to the podcast. I think that alone is worth us covering it. It's a 90s lifetime. And we've also got our Beverly Hills 9-0-2-10 show coming up. A lot of great stuff on that. And, you know, all of the usual suspects will be available on Patreon this month, of course. So go and check that out.

Now, Steve, next week on the program, we're not doing another Stephen Herrick film, are we? No, unless Stephen Herrick directed The Prophecy. Wow. He might have. Wait a minute. Yeah, walk in our good friend Eric Stoltz. Vigo as Lucifer, one of our most beautiful cinematic lucifers. Virginia Manson in that movie?

Maybe probably. I think she's the lead. I think she's the lead. It's been a really long time. Elias, Codeus is involved as well. Yeah, on this show, we say things that are often wrong. So don't, you know, read in too much. Steve's looking at it up right now.

I can't end the show until Steve tells me of Virginia. Are you talking about? No, no, I'm looking at. Are you sexting? She is in the prophecy, Elis. Yes, that's it. So until next week with Virginia Madsen in The Prophecy, I'm Andrew Chupin. Stephen Seda.

Eric Siska. Wuff-Wuff. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.