We Hate Movies - S11: Episode 551 - The Prophecy

Episode Date: June 8, 2021

On this week's episode, the Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza dabbles in a Catholic horror fantasy land as the guys chat about the ridiculous angel war flick, The Prophecy! Why do all these angels have to be kissing people? Does the Angel Gabriel really need someone to drive him around? And how great is Viggo in this one? PLUS: Be sure to tune into the next Lifetime Movie Network classic, Fired by God! The Prophecy stars Christopher Walken, Elias Koteas, Virginia Madsen, Eric Stoltz, Amanda Plummer, Moriah Shining Dove Snyder, Adam Goldberg, Steve Hytner, and Viggo Mortensen; directed by Gregory Widen. Catch WHM on tour this fall, hopefully! WHM Merch Store Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, it's like your childhood Bible stories, but extreme. It's the prophecy. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddak. Eric Siska. The cabin. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. The summer blockbuster extravaganza goes to Catholic horror fantasy realm. We're talking the prophecy.

From 95 written and directed by Gregory Wyden, his single directorial feature. This motherfucker, big screenwriter, though, we can thank him for Highlander, Woo, Backdraft, and Backdraft 2. Of course. Everybody remembers that one. I mean, this is like you're trying to strike lightning strike twice here, right? It's Highlander, huge success. They're trying to do that kind of mold again. Yeah.

It's so ponderous and serious, though, is the point. probably. Well, it's Catholic. It is. Yeah. I mean, this is the third time I've seen this movie. And, like, I've always kind of wanted it to be a midnight movie, which means that it's kind of messed up. And I've never understood it before yesterday when I watched it pretty sober. This also doesn't have the sweep of a Russell McKay movie. You're really missing him behind the steering wheel here. Yeah, this was not like a massive success.

I think it did not get an international release. And I think we're talking like 16 million. I get the feeling this was a big VHS hit. Yes, it must have been. I saw this trailer all the fucking time on VHS tapes. Yeah. Well, they did two sequels, which were both straight-tivity. Four sequels, by the time.

Dude, there are, is it four sequels or five? Because there's two that came out in the same year. I think there's five because there's three with Walkin. Yes. And then I think there's two without. There's five movies totals four. Wait, who's in the next three movies? Christopher Sitton?

Yes. Come on. Jesus. Hi, I'm Christopher Sitton. Every once in a while, you know, Chris. calls me up. He says, hey, can you do a movie for me? We split the money. You just go in. It's kind of like splitting a cab license. I'm Christopher Sitton. I'm from Brooklyn. He's from Astoria. He calls me sometimes. He's a nice guy. It's pretty great. You know, on top of having a

name that kind of sounds like him, well, I also sort of look like it. You're like if Christopher Walken was morbidly obese, Christopher Sitton. You know, he's a straight shooter. He's a good guy. when I had my fourth failing Pizza Hut adventure, he came in and he said, why don't you do stupid movies for me? Chris, as you know, is a great song and dance man. Me, I'm fucking phenomenal of Cuba. I get to the ninth level on one quarter.

One quarter. You can't even believe it, right? I said one quarter, one quarter, nine levels on Cuba. Get the fuck out of it, Chris. This guy is fantastic. he's like a pinball wizard. But for the classic arcade game, Cubert, I'm trying to look up the fucking rest of these movies.

Man, the IMDB app just keeps sucking more every day. All right, here we go. Yeah, there were two more. So it's Prophecy 1, 2, and 3, all him involved. Shocking that he's in all three of those. It really is. That third one, that was a good payday. That third one, the year 2000, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm going direct to video. all of the even part two which they were about to put in theaters and then Miramax was like nah and went direct a DVD

or video so then yeah in 2005 there are two prophecy movies the prophecy colon uprising and then another one

that's like uprising the prophecy colon forsaken remember that one well I'll tell you what happened there is like

his stock went up fucking catch me if you can I think it's like 2003 but he's not in them though he's not in the ones That's what he's saying Oh he stopped

In 2000 and 2005 is the next one Yeah They were probably revving up for the fucking fourth one With him in tow And then all sends Stevie fucking comes a knocking Yeah With DeCaprio in tow

The biggest star in those other two Are the actress Carrie were her Oh yeah From thinner Among other things But yeah that's basically it I'm trying to see so The walk-in

career projection is interesting here. Now I want to see what what maybe took him out of the running for he won for Deer Hunter, right? I do want to break you in really quick because people, sure. Somebody got a little, not super upset. I know we reacted to this stuff too much, but like, excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, 101 Dalmatians came out in December. Oh, you guys got to fucking relax. You got to relax. Maybe you were a new listener and you didn't know what the fuck you're talking about.

guys get better hobbies fact-checking me we've been saying for the better part of a decade that the fucking release dates for the summer blockbuster extravaganza do not matter well this is either summer

nor a blockbuster so people might be upset it came out what September 1st yeah it's just right there it's almost before Labor Day and it spawned a massive franchise

yeah I could wear white shoes to my opening it's before Labor Day by the way we're in climate changed up here everybody September is still a summer month at that point. You bet your fucking sweet ass it is. He's very

true. And Walcott did win for the Deer Hunter. Best supporting. Very good movie if you haven't seen it yet. Yes. That's the... Yeah. Oh, you know, in 99 he's also, of course, in Sleepy Hollow. I would not. I don't know how the IMDB

top four works. Headless Hossman. What? His top four for filmography known for is hairspray. Catch me if you can. Hair spray. The deer hunter and this. Come on the prophecy. And hairspray as well.

It must have really just been a humongous thing on tape. It must have been. That's the only thing I can. Yeah, for it to get this much. Yeah, but also like it's the only time he's led a franchise for three movies. That's kind of something. I mean, these are like totally forgettable horror fantasy movies. But I definitely saw this as a kid a few times and it stuck with me.

So I could definitely see this. like a cult phenomenon like people are watching this. They aired this at like midnight on the movie networks in the 90s a bunch. Oh sure. You know what's weird? That Carrie were she is in this she's in this action movie. I saw when

I was a kid. It was on showtime all the time was it's I forget the name of it but the big thing is her there's a lot of sex scenes with her and William Forsyth get out of here. It is just something to behold there watching him get down. watching so many have sex

with a brick wall you want to get fucked you want to get fucked like one of those old aliens from hitchhikers guy just getting down with Carrie were it's something else man

you want to get fucked so much face this movie has like three and a half beginnings which is what you always want yeah and you know you really could have cut out this first one where it's just

Eric Stolt's mumbling I was like oh man with the audio mix on this it was subtitle town I was there 3,000 years ago. Angels banished. Lucifer fell, creation of hell. When's lunch?

Eric, Eric, the mic is up there. Could you just, could you maybe project just a little bit? You know, ever since a little something happened in the 1980s, my new contract says that I can't be fired. That's right. New contract. You can't fire me halfway through the movie. My new contract says I can't be fired.

Man, Zemeckis and Spielberg, those geniuses, being able to fire you. Oh, boy. My original contract said I could be fired. Now my new one says I can't. So you're just going to have to deal with the stilts experience. It's good that he learned from back to the future. You know, he's going forward like that. It is interesting, though, because I was thinking, I mean, I think about that every time I see Eric Stolson's on this.

You can't not, right? But, like, it would have been fine. Yeah. Michael J. Fox is fucking great. It launched him into a whole other thing, obviously. But, like, stilts would have been fine. Fox is cuter. I think that's the thing. Stoltz is a little off brand.

He's a Watcher McCollett. He's not a Snickers. Don't start with my beloved Watcham McCallet. You went to a bodega and got Eric Stoltz three times in a day. Three Eric Stoltz? All right. I'm going to cut you off at three Eric Stoltz. You even got the Fly 2? This is his ginger Jesus period he had going on here. It looks pretty good.

It's pretty cool. He makes it work. This is exactly what he looks. like in Pulp Fiction. I mean, this movie, it's a Weinstein movie and very much like it's, it's not Tarantino

Tarantino, but it's around. Having both walking Amanda Plummer of all things. That was pretty surprising. I mean, all three of them from Pulp Fiction. It's kind of crazy. Did he guarantee them that they'd all have a job right after like, look, I got this junkie piece of shit

Catholic horror movie. Why don't you just spend a little bit more money over there, kids? Dude, Amanda Plummer, though, she got ripped off. I mean, she's got fucking four lines in this movie. It's also pointless at that point to introduce another, like, zombie servant-esque character. Yeah, totally. They're definitely leaning into that Dracula a lot.

Yep. It's, yeah, I mean, I agree with that because, like, and I would rather, you know, Adam Goldberg's fine. But if you give me Amanda Plummer v. Adam Goldberg, I'm like, when is Amanda Plummer showing? Or split it right down the middle at least. Kill me Goldberg a little earlier. Yes. Maybe we're good in something. Well, the credits are coming.

He's like, I'm going to get me a new henchman. It's like, dude, shut up. And I think the reasoning, like, what is it? Like, he's above driving a car as an angel? I can't do it. It's like a vampire not being able to come into your house or something. You can't drive the fucking car. Vampires got to be asked through the door.

I can't drive a car by myself. Well, I guess that makes me an angel, huh? Sure. I'm a fallen angel because I never even got a learner's permit. the worst part about God hates cars hates them of course he would

of course he would it's cars are ruining his planet that he created I love that walking little guttural ending on some some sentences

I love so yeah it's like Eric Stultz like hey they were gonna either they were either they were either gonna put this in text

or I was gonna do it so I guess I'm gonna do it it was like an extra 200 bucks if I just stood here and mumbled it so you know it was a dawn of time

when God started to hate cars and then they got invented and he got real man Industrial Revolution set him off man. That was the in the apple was like the car like it was going to take a millennia to figure it out but that was the first

seedling of knowledge. Like God makes the Garden of Eden and then suddenly Adam is driving around in a range rover and he's like what the fuck? It's just easier this way God I don't know what to tell you. Hey babe. We can fit like three of those animals back here too. Any way you want it, that's the way you need it.

Adam, get out of my garden. Big Papa, let me tell you about the gas mileage on this sucker. Come on, just sit down here with me. Where did you? Where did you get gas? Sucked it from the earth. Then we cut to Elias Codius in the first of many wigs he's wearing in this movie. Boy, oh boy.

This one super sucks. and it's like helmet hair going on really bad, really sort of matted down. Because we're trying to make them look young like in that Kevin Spacey Beyond the Sea movie. I mean, this is way more successful than that fucking pilot trash,

which I saw in the theater. I saw that with you. Dude, he's like a 50-year-old guy playing a 16-year-old boy in that movie. What a fucking asshole. Absolute nightmare. It sucks. It's pumpkin head and then that.

It's absolute terror. Just haunting. your fucking dreams, man. And he's singing too. It's awful. Oh, boy. But in this, I think Cotius is kind of fine. Like he's just an every man detective. Nothing character, but this is a character we've seen

so many times. Absolutely. But why are they working so hard to make him not hot? Yeah. Elias, Coteas, he's not the Canadian De Niro. Let's go, baby. He's a hot man. Just let it be hot. Stop with this. Well, that's Cronenberg figured it out, dude. A few years from now, crash comes out

and he's fucking fucking everybody in that. I mean, that's is you've got Virginia Madsen and Elias Codius sex scene king and queen. It's 1995. I can't watch these two fuck. Why isn't there a sex scene? And then that would be a fun thing because Christopher walking can like be watching it out the window

going, wow. That's naughty. He's up there like Belushi on the ladder. Yeah, moving his eyebrows up and down at the camera. So what happens is we're doing, it's a Seminary Graduation

Pre-graduation ceremony. This is a franchise I want. It's Priest Academy. Oh, man. Forever. Now we're there. The bishop's getting a... Words of song.

The bishop's getting a what? A blowjob he didn't even consent to. Just like Eric Lissard and Police Academy. Oh, sure. You know, you'd do it fuck with the nunnic, the convent up the road? Oh, definitely.

Yeah. Oh, we're going to go to the nunnery. Let's get them. Let's bus them in. Midnight ride. Habit rain. This habit's dirty. I'm going to sniff it.

I guess the thing is it's kind of like a Catholic Red Rover. Like, you know, Red Rover, Red Rover, come over and kiss the floor for like 10 minutes. Now, the thing that I found surprising about this is like, so you're getting ready to throw your life away to be a priest. Sure. Well, dude, fucking rent free, right? you don't have to pay for a meal ever again either do you? Right into the mailbag and I want to you know I want some credentials

do any priests listen and or guns. Thank you. But folks at home very important clarification we're talking about actual priests Catholic and up not Protestant below. I'll take a rabbi

I got a rabbi going. Yeah like let me know I mean there's only it's yeah well because you know Catholicism's a fucking rock bottom dude so there's nowhere to go No you don't any and all clergy right into the mailbag we'll have an an all clergy mail bag.

I would love that. That does include rabbis, et cetera, et cetera. But not that horseshit where you sent away because you wanted to marry your friend. No, no, definitely not. None of that. I'll throw that email right in the garbage. When you email us that, if you're a clergy member, that counts as an indulgence and I get into heaven now.

Don't worry, don't use your real names because clearly, if you out yourself as listening to us, God is firing you for sure. Right out the door. That maybe that's a, we should look through the archives and see if that movie exists. Lifetime, fired by God. Isn't that dear God, that might be

that? Oh, what, the George Burns movie? No, the fucking Keneer film. Kineer, weird. He gets mail from, he starts Postal loitering. You're thinking of, oh God, yes, that's right. Oh, yeah, dear God, he's getting letters. Is that just turns out to be like a brain

tumor, like in, what was that? Yeah, he realizes they were all just letters to Santa and he's just seizing up on the floor. but so yeah he's uh everyone goes they kiss the floor while the priest says something they have to say you know the some sort of little thing it's all catholic magic and then you know then you then you get your benediction you're good to go uh but when he goes down you know he sees these visions of like a terminator future which is kind of fun yeah totally it's just like this angel getting

fucking eviscerated in the future at some point it would be funny if all the other priests like when he just goes down and like, fucking pussy. You're not going to be a priest. You're fucking... Dag it. Beef it. Beef it. Digit. Oh, Mr. Can't get up, huh? Yeah.

Fucking yeah. My question about this... Told you was going to cut it. I could piss on you right now. My question, though, about it was like no fucking family attendance. I don't know if that's allowed... I mean, I have no idea. What is this fucking secret ceremony I'm looking at?

Oh, the Catholic clergy doing something in secret never happened. Never ever happened. Yeah, it's just got to be God and his boys together. And by the way, and I know I can already see the comments the three of you are going to make in response to what I'm about to say. But why I said throwing your life way to become a priest, I just like fucking getting down, man. I thought I might become a priest as a little kid. That seems like a cool gig.

Yeah. Yeah. I think one of my uncles almost did too. Well, that's back when I really believed in heaven, which I don't anymore. Oh, sure. If that's the coolest thing in the world, why not do that? And then you get the inside track. It's like working a blockbuster.

But I have to assume somebody did the actual Lord's work and bullied you out of it. Yes. Okay, good. Well, when I got sort of pseudo fired for being an altar boy for not showing up, it was just sort of like a real like, we stop putting you on the schedule situation. I was like, yeah, this is as high as I go. Dropped by God. Well, shit, man.

You had to work one day a week. What were you doing? This is busy, man. Stephen, are you feeling that is that the bong you're putting the holy water in the box? Stephen, get out of here. Coincidentally, based off of his last comment,

he kept missing church because he was at a blockbuster. Yeah, exactly. Sunday morning, Saturday night, guess where I was? Blockbuster. And Saturday, I was good back then. It is crazy that closed down all those churches across this country, blockbusters. Yeah, exactly.

That's where the weekend worship was. That's where I worshipped. My church growing up totally fucking demolished. Oh, wow. Really? Yeah. No, why is that? Did they find out stuff? You know, there was never any of that stuff in the church I went to growing up a little rich boy over here. They can't blame us that they can't find the church. Take it down.

No, that church was fucking mobbed up though, dude. I went to a fucking Italian Catholic church. Dude, we went to like the basement of the Sunday school building. It was like across the street from the church. That's where the bodies were. I didn't see any bodies, but there was definitely a fucking cigar human. and a Bachi ball court in the face. Oh, fuck yeah, Bacchie ball. I had to like bring a box down there one time and you just went down to this way. It's a bunch of fucking old Italian guys smoking cigars playing Bacchi.

Probably gambling, saying definitely racist shit. Makes more sense. They're like Secario. They're putting the bodies up in the wall. Bricking it up, making sure they have a nice. Wasn't this room a foot wider the last time I was here? Yeah. We had some

problems with the union. but he sees these visions and he won't do it you don't see the end of it we're like everyone's like dude dude you fucked up you fucked up my priest confirmation ceremony codious thank you so much his name Thomas in the movie Thomas Daggett he's got some line about what happened to him there

like oh some people lose their faith because God doesn't show them enough but some lose faith because he shows him too much and then there's like you just you cut to another voiceover where he says that and he's smoking on a rooftop and like you don't even know what this rooftop is and some guy's like you can't be up here and he's like I can smoke where I want I'm a cop I'm a cop I can be literally anywhere

I could do whatever I could kill you right now I could smoke in a hotel room they don't let you do it anymore but I could do it because I'm a fucking cop I wish I knew more about his like career as an LA detective because that's what sucks about this movie is like it gets going Is it LA? It starts in LA

And I was like, oh, rad, like a gross-ass 90s L.A. movie, cool. And then the vast majority of this movie takes place in nothing fuck Arizona. And you're just like, uh, still working hard to make sure he's not hot. Yeah. I don't get that this other haircut they got on him. Because I think part of it is like, and he's a sexy bald man. That's the thing. We are not recognizing the hair loss on this guy.

And that's the thing. Because this wig specifically is another like, it's way. too low on his forehead so you can tell the hair lines fake. Like he had the he went bald the way Christopher Maloney went bald where it was like kind of like it had like a peek at the front and sort of went back. Hop bald. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. Just a nice retreat, you know.

What that's, I mean like even now, he's on one of those Chicago fart fuck. Oh right. NBC Chicago far. I love that show. He's like a detective on one of those things. And he's like wearing a pub cap. and a full beard the whole time. Still hot. Of course.

He walks in the door in that show and says, does anyone have any farts to fuck? And you're getting hot, man. You're getting hot and steamy in your house. Where'd you track these farts? Tell me where the farts are. I got to fuck them. What is this next scene with Stoltz

in his apartment for like 39 seconds? It doesn't really properly end. He's like, he's crouching on a chair to let you know that he's an angel. Yeah. I kind of like this angel crouch maneuver that this movie has from.

It's kind of neat. Yeah, it's something. It's kind of like a substitute teacher trying to get to know you. I don't be a little too aggressive, but I see what he's trying to do. And Stoltz is like, give me my little black Bible book.

Well, because they're all, the thing that's cool about that effect is it's, there's a little bit of wirework involved. Yeah. Because they're like on the tippy top of a chair and that fucking chair isn't falling over and it definitely would be. No, I could do that.

I could do that. We'll do it after we were here. We'll do it later. We'll do it later live as you can break your neck on the internet. I'll call the ambulance for fun first. But yeah, he just sort of tells him of events to go. This whole, the beginning at least,

remind me very much of a comic book, like of a 90s scuzzy comic book. Yeah, sort of like competing narratives and like blah, blah, blah, you know, grime and grit, and then this awesome angel fight, which it's the height of the movie and it never comes back. This amazing angel fight we get. Yeah, where he fights.

The funny thing is he fights. fights this dude that looks like Glenn Danzig. In the sequel, there's another angel that is played by Glenn Danzig. I would say... Stilts for that role? He's wearing big boy boots. No, I would say he looks like Tommy Wiseau a little bit, this dude. Yeah, yeah, I would say so. Oh, hello, Simon.

Oh, come on, angel chicken. Oh, I have no eyes. That's when he really looks like Tommy Wiseo is when his fucking eyeballs are plucked out of his skull. That is, I guess, unique. Well, he never had them to begin with, but I guess Stoltz does, like, try to rip out the sockets or something. So he's, so that's one angel just has no eyes. Naturally, the coroner's report, Kenny Banya tells us this.

But all the other angels have eyes. Yeah, I don't know. I think you lose the eyes once you eat shit. Like when you die, the eyeballs like, no way. He was wearing sunglasses because he never had eyes. But when, when, spoiler alert, when fucking Christopher walking like eats shit at the end of this movie. his eyes go away yeah because it goes into like

it turns into like Christopher Christopher Walken puppet head and it's just there's just black holes there well there's this weird line where they're like that when they're like I think it's at when they're doing the autopsy they're like this is like stuff

you'd find with like a fetish yeah yeah yeah and I'm like so he was like an aborted angel is that what this is then? Yes I think so that's what I guess or like angels are like just a baby Maybe that hasn't been born yet. Look, it has to have like 30 more days at 400 before it's fully done.

Can you take him now? 400? We've also found out that this guy has a penis and vagina. That's right. So all angels have that then. So Walkin's got to, he's walking around with a nice bush, presumably. I think so. I think it's cool.

That's what we're told. Yeah. That's right. I go every way you want me to go. I Oh no Your angel's underbaked Didn't it

It's a kind of soggy bottom Doesn't it? Oh look at that I pull the toothpick out mate Is that what you call a bum Oh That's not a bum is it No

A bad bum It's like you see this one angel Sort of fall to earth I think Ousiel Is this dude's name Yes This is a real guy No I don't know

He looks like Tommy Wiseo Yeah I meant the Bible talk Like, like, so, I mean, Gabriel's the, yeah, he's an awesome. That's a dude. Yeah. Christopher Walken's character. That's like a real one.

Lucifer, the OG fallen angel, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then yet, like, Simon, I don't know what's going on there. Yeah, I have no idea. I think Jesus was pissed. Like, dude, what the fuck are you do with that haircut? Hey, man. Hey, come here real quick.

What are you doing? You, uh, you see anyone else in this room right now that has that haircut? Oh, it's just me? What does that tell you? Stop copying me. Pulp fiction finished shooting. Change it. Don't make me tell my dad.

Don't make me tell my dad. Dad, he's stealing my thing. My thing is that long hair with the beard, dad. Oh, Jesus. You're such a fucking cry, baby. I was going to be a ginger too, dad. Okay? I was going to be out there.

Rebellions. Jesus. There you go. Uh, but yeah, he's a come on, chicken. They get to this, they get to fightin, and it's whole like, you seal is like, you can't keep it from us. Like, you have to tell us where it is or the soul. We find out the dark evil, a male American soul that will help defeat all the angels. Now, I mean, we'll get to it, I guess, but like, because we're talking about it now, why not?

Am I reading this movie right in that this colonel that died? was the most evil person on the planet? Exactly. Up there. He was above Hitler, but he got stuck at Colonel. I think it's the idea.

Well, now, I mean, it's all falling off. Yeah, that's true. Real heavy hitters have come through since. You know, Memorial Day was not too long ago. Let's thank this man for his service. Colonel face collector. Arnold Hathorn, yeah, who has faces skinned off.

and he keeps him in a little briefcase. Dude, I kind of want that movie or that Netflix crime documentary. I will say one thing I love on Twitter is when it's around like any patriotic holiday and some like CNN or MSNBC person's like I'm going to retweet all the freaking like your cousins, your uncles, your aunts

who have been serving in the military. Somebody gives it like a picture of Ediamen in his uniform is like, this is my uncle. Will you do it? Well, that fucking happened to Matt Gatz this past weekend that fucking flaming piece of shit. Lee Harvey Oswald.

Yes. It was fucking great. And then what was that? So is that dude, Ken Klippenstein? Yeah, yeah. He did that and it was like, a picture of Lee Harvey Oswald like, oh, it's my uncle or whatever.

Matt Gatz like quote tweeted it. Like, oh yeah, you're thank you for your service, your uncle or whatever. And then on top of that, then Klippinstein changed his fucking Twitter name to Matt Gatz as a pedophile. Yeah, that's tough. Oh, man.

What a great Memorial Day week. Yeah, it's wonderful. I like this angel fight because this dude starts ripping at his chest just like peeling away at him. That is something that even though, you know, I'm not the world's biggest fans of me, that's something I always kind of think about is that weird like moment

we're just trying to get at there. Well, because they have to rip their heart out or something. Yeah, yeah. Mortal combat rules. What I find really compelling about this fight sequence is that dude, the Ucel or whatever, falls out the fucking window and there's an alleyway where a car is driving 85 miles an hour through.

and just ices him. Well, though, first, yeah, he like, Stoltz impels him on a pane of glass. Yeah, so he gets the Tony Goldwyn. He does the eye thing. And then he flips him and I, here's the thing. And it's always a dummy, but you know what? Weigh that dummy down.

Totally. A very heavy, like a 200-pound dummy because this thing starts flipping and like... Dude, it starts looking like a bad sketch. Like Chris Elliott should have been involved with it or something. Angels just weigh less. Next scene. And then he eats shit by a car, which is, and I don't even if this guy stops. Like, oh, shit, I killed an angel last night.

He rams him into a wall. I mean, it's incredible. This definitely reminded me of the MSG parking garage scene in Highlander. Yeah, I buy that. Where it's just like a character you don't know and one you kind of do, but not really because the movie's just getting going. And they just have a fucking epic fight for a reason you don't quite understand. That's the problem is that you're not getting Christopher Walken to fight. Yeah.

like fist fight or any other guns he can handle swords I don't think so I think you're right though I think this movie's probably better if it's Eric Stolt or actually you know what Ellis Codius is an angel

you know what he finds out he has angel powers and he's just fighting angels I thought that was kind of where the movie was going yeah because I like you Steve I had seen this movie twice before both times supremely fucked up and both times like kind of didn't understand

what was going on yeah but I thought this time around watching it still high but paying attention. That like that's where it was going because they kept saying something about like you know like the person on earth is going to have all the angel powers but it's a man

and I was like oh cool like he'll be an angel he lands. His name is Michael that fucking John Travolta movies right there. Sure. I mean amazingly I never rented this. I was like just it was all the time because and I should have because it had my favorite thing in all trailers which is

like when it's a scary thing and the opera like ha, say, ha, oh, absolutely. And that happens because they do

the exact, it's in this, towards the end of this, when she says, you can't have her. And it cuts to walk in in between.

Yeah. That was the trailer. That was a big section of the trailer. I saw this a ton growing up, not like, maybe like five,

five to ten times probably as, as an adolescent. And I started to confuse them, confuse the plot of this with eight millimeter. So I was like, all right.

Yeah, because he's going to find that evil soul and he's going to have that snuff film, right? Right? Oh, wait, no, that's Nicholas Cage. He finds the snuff film. But it's interesting, though, because snuff film in 8mm, right, I can see the connection with the creepy kernel and shit.

But also, isn't it Nicholas Cage and City of Angels? Yes, that's true, too. Well, this movie is Wings of Desire with goods. Yeah, that's true. Now, Eric, let me ask you this, though. You say you saw this movie upwards of 10 times. Never dabbled in the sequels? No, for whatever reason.

For such a prophecy head. You know, I might have done it once or twice and I just don't remember, but this thing was on TV a bunch. It was. I remember watching it as a kid and always kind of like zoning out when it gets boring. I mean, I was watching for like the walking moments. Yeah, totally. All the cool lines.

Yeah. One of the coolest lines that I always took away from this is the whole, his whole line of Like, you know that, that dimple above your lip or whatever? Oh, yeah, yeah. I put my finger there. I said, shush. I told you a secret. Yeah.

I said, shush. This Bible. This Bible. I hid this Bible up my ass for 15 years. Imagine the dedication putting an entire book up your ass. And now today, little man, this Bible is yours. in like so the aftermath of this fight is Codius gets called to the crime scene he doesn't know what he's doing there because it's out of his jurisdiction

and usually works nights yada yada yada yada my favorite character in this movie is this like sassy beat cop who's like two two years away from retirement love this guy I thought he was dead like he said that I'm like oh well where's this guy about to get his head fucking broken yeah absolutely or like maybe he's in the movie later he's like you know he bales at Codius out of a jam kind of a thing. Absolutely. Because so much of it, yeah, he's just like, oh, yeah, I didn't know you could read and write, you know,

and he's having, like, fun with it. And what's great is, like, he's just this old-ass beat cop motherfucker never got a promotion, right? And here's, Codius is this younger detective. And this beat cop does not give a shit who he's talking to. Yeah. Because he's just, yeah, he's slinging insults at this guy. You're fucking stupid and can't read.

He's got, I don't, I don't, it's like a published thesis. Yeah. The way it looks, like a bad. That's what it looks like Like his seminary work And it's just hanging out And like The B cop is like

So Anything about Angels being thrown out windows In this book? This Bible you're talking about Is there anything about The Eilis? The Eilis

Is there anything about that? Oh so So what was that self? Yeah, I self published You got to take it to the Oh yeah A huge bath on this Oh I lost hundreds of dollars

Come to my garage You want 200 more cars? basically to my garage. I would assume the idea I guess is like it was stolen from the priest academy or something. Or maybe that's what Eric Stoltz takes it from his apartment. Oh, there you go. Because that scene doesn't end properly. I thought the angel fight took place

in Codeus's apartment. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh. Yeah, no, it's like a hotel room that I guess like what are, like we need a little more world building here because why is an angel renting a hotel room? Because it was the fucking 90s, but you need a card back then. cash only. Oh, fuck, dude. Freedom back in the day. Now angels are fucking just

have to sleep in their cars because they can't fucking get it. Yeah. I can't cover the incidentals. That's what there's two movies in 2005 were about. Angels can't rent cars. That's what they don't tell you is Grace gets you in anywhere. You can just unlock anything. You've got grace. It's kind of great too when Codius is like asking this cop like, oh, you know, what's going on? What does this look like or whatever? and he goes, this is what you fancy detectives

would call signs of a struggle and he opens the door. And it's an absolute bloodbath. Real laugh out loud moment. You get it. You get it because it's bloody. And it looks very violent. Doesn't this beat cop also have some line

about like when he retires, he's going to go to like the Arizona desert or something? I was expecting him to show up at the end of the movie. Like, holy shit, I just retire. See, but the problem is he's like retiring to some like, you know, Tempe senior community or something, whereas this movie is like whatever the fuck. What is it called? Chimney Rock area. That's right. Right.

And those those Grampy communities is where the Grim Reaper shows up. Not Angels. My mistake. Oh, hey, Padre. Great to see you. Is that the guy from Annie Hall? I love that picture. Shit. Did he just set that guy on fire? Fuck. So, you know, this is, yeah. Kenny Banya is the, is the morgue attendant guy Steve Heitner, I think his name is Who's in at least all three of these movies too

The first he was shocking I have no idea And so that's interesting So keep going up to it's another angel Jerry Yep another angel Jerry look another angel got in a fight Wrote a book on cutting up angels Jerry I'm the angel autopsy

Yes Why don't they call it a halo They should have to go on an oval Round team Round team. The, yeah, the thing with Banya being in all three of these movies is I'm like, maybe we're going back to L.A. Because Banya is like the L.A. corner or whatever.

I follow the angels. Come on. Let me cut them up. I want to cut them up. Let me cut up the stupid fucking angels. I can't wait to get another book out. Cut me up an angel. Come on, Gabriel.

You want to die? Let's go. Because he calls in Codius. He's like, you know, he's got two sets of genitalia. got no eyeballs. He also has, it's a weird thing they're talking about where like his bones didn't grow. Yeah, that's the weird baby part of it. But then he's

also like, oh, and he's also got this this Bible that we traced back to the second century. Here you go. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's full of fetus blood or whatever. Yeah, exactly. So we think it's either an angel or Peter Thiel.

Also, it's kind of like the, it's kind of like the Dylan bootleg tapes. There's extra stuff in here. It is weird though because he's talking about if this is if like our scientific measurements are correct

this is the oldest Bible on record not a glove worn between these guys. You wouldn't be able to turn the pages on a book that was made and Codius is flipping through it like it's the phone book. The year 200 or whatever.

We get a sense here that Banya has not been doing too well on the romance scene as of lately definitely. When the two a genitalia is disgust. He's like, yeah. So it's both impotent and frigid. I don't know what's going on at home, but I might

want to do a call. Another set of useless genitals, just like mine. God, you take one day to Chi-Chi's and they flip out. It's cheap. I'm sorry. I'd be mad if you took me to Che-Chi's, Chris. I know. And then Cody is, because he's, He's such a genius.

It's like just translating this thing. And yeah, he's just flipping it. He's like fucking, again, he's like licking his finger and turning the page. Like my dad reading a hunting magazine. The joke is that it's a pretty good joke where he's like, wow, this is the oldest Bible on record. And then Bany's like, yeah, don't lose it. And it's like, I get it.

But like, no, this needs to go to the Smithsonian. Yeah. And the beef here is that there's an extra chapter in this one particular book or some nonsense, chapter 23. Wasn't that that Jim Carrey movie? It's the original copy of the Bible, where they didn't remove the word suckers from it.

Yeah, it's just everywhere. Oh, yeah, God thought he was going to do. Well, not God. Whoever wrote it, right? It's a couple weirdos. Yeah, a couple flunkies. They forgot to do control F. And so in his like translation or whatever,

this is what we sort of learn what the thrust of the story is. There is the, and this is, it's again, very highlander where it's like there's a war between these immortal god beings. The second war So this is HW2

That's right And the whole deal is like And you're right It's the second one It's very It's W2 Because it's It never ends

You know what I mean Oh yeah The first one ended The first war ended But then Poppy had it That war ended But the second one

W starts That's not gonna end Look we didn't want it to happen But then they assassinated Archangel Ferdinand Well no you're confusing HW1

But the whole thing is like angel This is like you fucking cry babies Angels are so upset that like God loves humans Over angels You call this love Totally fucking idiot Isn't this also why they're pissed in dogma Yes, yeah I think this is a common

Angel grievance Yeah just like a common trope An angel literature is like What if there are dark angels that were mad about how much God loves humans but yeah man like let me introduce you to cancer dying child murder diarrhea quite a lot j leno exactly like dude you you fucking you get a you get cool wings you know what i mean you live forever it's just them doing like lucifer again right let's just do that again i mean dude you don't have to fucking listen to one word that comes out of jimmy cordon's mouth

You just count your lucky prayers here, buddy boy. It's me. I'm in hell. Oh, yes. I deserved it. I deserved it. I demanded to be in heaven and hell. Had a little cast and bumped they had in heaven. Dude, he should go straight to hell just for that cat's performance alone. I'm all showing limbo. Can't escape me.

You can't. I was so excited to turn on that friend's reunion. there he is hosting it. He's hosting it. I might have watched it without him. I didn't because I literally, that's where I'm at with him. Yeah. In general. It was tough.

I got to say it's totally watchable. It's a little long. I didn't need some of it. But like very fascinating to watch them all interact. Sure. And I have to say kind of the preferred method of like television reunions. Like you didn't need to make that show CBS. You could have just had the cast of Murphy Brown talk to each other for a while.

Yeah, that'd be more fun. Yeah. You know, James Corden's probably going to host, like, when I die. And, like, my life is flashing before my eyes. It's going to be, like, the clip show hosted by James Corkman. Oh, Eric Cisca, welcome. You're coming to the afterlife. Come right this way.

You can never escape me, you understand. I'm your host to go straight to hell. He actually might be God. He's, like, an internal force. Oh, Eric, this is your best sexual memories. I'm going to beat box over it because I can do that, too. We're driving this minivan all the way down to hell. It would make sense if he was God.

He's very well-meaning, but annoying as shit. That's the right way to say it. Because, I mean, that guy's... He's not a bad person that I know of, but man, is he not for me? No. That's exactly right. And he also wasn't for all of England, apparently, so thanks a lot, overseas friends. I'm glad they're sinking.

I'm glad they're sinking. Honestly, this was the last straw. This shit was too much. There is a kind of funny bit where he's translating and he finds the part about Uzeal and he's looking at the symbols or whatever. And basically what he's translating is that this dude Uzeal, this angel, was like the muscle for Gabriel, which is fucking hilarious. I mean, it's not wrong, but it's just funny like the way he's transcribing it's basically like an Uzeal muscle for Gabriel. Hey, that other angel is Talking too much

Usil, take care of him He loves running his angel mouth That red-headed fuck Hey, Uzil That guy, I almost did Woody Allen Yeah, it's always a danger It's really tough sometimes I mean, and these aren't good, ladies and gentlemen, you know

Hey, Usil, that other angel, Simon liked my girl's Instagram post Go rough him up Yeah, that's right, I created a dupe account so I could spy on her post she doesn't know it I have to say

kind of a bit of a bummer 23 minutes until Christopher Wacken he sachets into this murder scene apartment What's with this haircut? It looks evel Yeah I guess so Or lazy

It is super dyed right Yeah it's super dyed It's like It's very flat And it's like kind of blowing out at the back a little bit yeah i don't it looks like he's always kind of running a little bit that's kind of the idea it's always windy wherever i'm going again like why are like i'm not saying walking is the hottest guy in town but

still you had to make him exactly de-hot him as well he's got this yeah he's got this like monkeys wig on like you don't need to do anything to make christopher walk it look weird and ominous like just you did that by casting him yeah you know what i mean like that's it that's a benefit of him Judging by the cover art of this third movie, they give up on that, though, because it kind of just looks like he's got Year 2000 Christopher Walken-Hare. Oh, sure.

No, I'm not putting the wig on a third time. Harvey, fuck you, you fat fuck. Well, I'm glad they gave it. Whatever the attempt to try to de-hot Vigo Mortensen was abandoned. No, oh, no, yeah. We can't do this. But that's, I mean, because, like, he plays Lucifer

in this movie, like, Lucifer can be sexy. Yeah, right? He does have that hilarious. like assistant I love that thing dude that guy looks like Emperor Palpatine that guy needs

I just need like a line like oh that's my henchman yeah calabac who does whatever exactly I do whatever his face though

with like all the white makeup he looks like William Sadler playing death in Bill and Ted he also kind of like the devil in that the passion of the Christ if you remember that

I don't remember there's like a weird doesn't do all the movie for like 31 seconds and then the devil leaves? I don't. That should be an episode or a commentary or something, right? The only time I saw that movie was in the White Plains Cinema Deluxe.

Went and saw it fucking in the theater and I remember like, and this is, and Steve you will understand this. Eric maybe. I saw it in the theater and I think I know what you're talking about. But the the fucking

you know, I haven't been to practicing Catholic in a really long time. Right? Right, but like that fear and all that shit is still just in my body. Oh, sure. And I'll never go anywhere, right? So seeing that movie in the theater, right? This little old lady walks in and she had like a fucking pizza and like chicken tenders, you know, and I was, that was a little hungry. And I'm like, I'm like, oh, that's kind of like, I mean, whatever.

I'm not religious, but I'm like, this is kind of like a little tasteless, right? Yeah. Well, then like in the screening, something happened with like the air conditioning unit and all of a sudden there was this, massive noise just like like in the theater and I was like God's bad because the lady

got chicken tenders at the movie I mean I think that that's sort of like it's weird because like that movie the word was out and the movie like

it's really brutal I got a pizza for this movie you know what I also saw in white planes and people were openly weeping yes that was in my

screening as well yeah people are running out of this screening vomiting uh Oreo milkshake on top of that please if you do not mind

oh yeah it's a lot of long movie. I'm not going to have dinner until later. The pizza and the hot dog. Extra nacho cheese on the hot dog. I know it's for the nachos. You could put it on the hot dog. Here's an extra buck. I already heard, okay, he gets part of a Caddo Nine-Tale

stuck on his eyelid. You see the whole thing. I know. Give me the hot dog. Do you have the cups? I know you have the cups for the little water. Can you fill that with nacho cheese so that I can sip on it while watching Jesus to get tortured? Well, honey, it looks like a downer scene. Everyone's crying. I'm going to go get more gummy bear. Oh, that guy?

Oh, that's a Parchic pilot. Watch him. He's going to fuck shit up. Keep your eye on Parchus. Keep your eye on that guy. What I missed? Oh, they let out the thief? Look, honey, you just take a tab of what's happening here.

I got to go take a shit. See you, Jesus. Oh, was he a murderer? What was he? Hey, lady. Oh, it's the credits already? That's all. happened?

Why don't they sing? Isn't this the singing one? No, it's not one of the singing ones? Honey, they're not singing. Let's get out of here. No Bruce Willis either? No Bruce Willis in this one. Yeah, I'm, uh, huh.

Yeah, all right. So he's going to be with his mother's a boring shit. I'm going to go play Time Crisis too. I'll be back in a second. What's that sound? Tell me what's, nobody? Nobody knows it, huh? Okay.

Nobody knows it. Trying to get it going in the theater a little bit. Tell me what you have. Come on, everybody. It was a humongous show. We were talking about Tommy Wise so briefly before. And people used to throw like spoons at the room. They should have thrown nails at the Bastard Coast.

Local Carpenter's Union goes here. Just huckin planks of wood at the screen. But yeah, so this is, yeah, he, walking, his first seat, he just licks this desk with the blood on it. Oh, yeah, dude, just the blood and the viscera and what. not yeah then he goes Simon yeah he knows oh that's the first line yes and then he goes to Adam Goldberg who oh maggot pizza oh maggot pizza yeah it's decaying food everywhere because he committed suicide yeah the most disgusting part of this situation is the the spilled chili

on a porno magazine yeah that's bad so there's just a picture of like a woman getting railed and there's chili all over it and it's sitting on a carpet and floor also has like babe posters around his apartment which is which is weird especially since he had a partner the maggot pizza is really the tops though because you don't have a fat john like guzamo around to chew that one down no exactly in the name of the evil one uh he wants to be killed he's a renfield he's like you have to go to the coroner's office i'm going to go to the coroner's office you go to the police station and get his personal effects and i love how I want those sunglasses.

How am I supposed to just walk in there and get that? It was a great question. Like I thought and they don't address it. So I guess it's not a thing. But I just kind of assume that like he picked him because maybe he worked at the police station. It would be something if that was the case. But no, it says going during shift change. No one will notice you.

Oh, right. Yeah, going during shift change. He looks like fucking Vincent DiNafrio and men in black. Someone would say something. And he must smell like shit. obviously. Can't you do some magic? Come on.

You're a demon. Do some stupid magic. He's such a lazy-ass angel. I don't understand it. But it's again, it's a weird thing of like, oh, these human tasks are beneath me as an angel. Oh, by the way, Adam, Christina Ricci, treat her right.

Did they get, did they marry? They were together for a while. I don't think they are anymore, but they were together for quite a while. That's too bad. Adam, don't do a movie. movie called The Hebrew Hammer. It'll ruin your Korea. Dude, you could not escape the Hebrew Hammer if you had Comedy Central on for a period of like five years. It was everywhere. I never watched it, but I remember them advertising it senselessly. Yeah. It was not great. The Salt and Sea, not bad. Yeah, that's a good movie. He's very good on friends, actually. That's one of

the better Adam Goldberg. Oh, that's right. Saving Private Ryan, Steven Spielberg. In these. No, no, wait. No, no, wait. Oh, oh, oh, oh, that's always the worst. I'm losing this one. Oh, boy. It is one of those things. I'm going to hear this one. Oh, no, I'm not. Oh, no, I'm not. Oh, no, I'm not.

Oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, fuck. And I was making fun of Vin Diesel. Exactly. So we go to Arizona for a little bit. We do get introduced to Virginia Matson a little earlier than where we are, but it's fine. She is the school teacher in this town. She's conducting a choir. She's a real like so-and-so in this community.

I mean, it's a real nomad land situation. The fucking plant closed up and now everything is gone. Absolutely. And Amazon ain't there yet, I guess, is the idea. Yeah, and it's a weird thing where it's like this huge school, but because so many families left, it's like a gigantic one-room schoolhouse. It's like later in the movie, when Codius gets there,

he's like, so, like, you know, what grade do you teach? And she's like, all the grades. They're all just here in this room. This can't be the right. way to do this. And yet somehow Nick Cave is playing the club nearby. Very much so. But yeah Stoltz shows up

and he goes, finds I don't know which is the first angel kiss because it's Stoltz kisses this old man. That was the one I noticed. Yeah. That's the colonel. Yeah. He gets the soul. That has to come first. Yeah. And then walk in kisses Ussiel before he burns him up. which that one I didn't get

what is that? You're like preserving Uziol or what? No, he, I think this is like it's, I'm preserved I don't want this in any X files better burn the body. The burning I totally understand but what's with the kiss it? Well, let's just, you know, pay your respects, dude.

Oh my God, he's gonna get his soul sucked. That Mortal Kombat movie, I was screaming at the television. I didn't see it. It fucking sucks shit. In January, we'll get. Oh, I'm excited about that. But that's a line from that. Oh, wow. Yeah. I like the sign above the morgue freezer. The freezer is for bodies, not for beer. Yeah, totally. Yeah. You got to warn them creepy corners, man. They'll put shit anywhere. I just wanted, like, this, it's so silly to think about them kiss. I need Eric Stoltz to tell Virginia Madsen, I got to go kiss the general. The colonel, sorry. I have to go kiss the colonel and get his soul. You kiss the general, you get a really good car insurance. You kiss the colonel, you get a secret recipe.

Yeah, just kiss me in Shaq. No insurance needed. We just like kissing. Dude, kissing that guy in Shaq, I'm the cartoon general. Now, people overseas might not know this, but there's a little stout cartoon men with a general's uniform and a big helmet. He kind of looks like Captain Crunch. Yes, he hangs out with Shaq. That's not bad. That's an afternoon.

He's like a tiny patent with a mustache. Yeah, it's a little bit of like a Yosemite Sam mustache. But like until Shaq joined that advertising campaign, I mean, this thing, like the general, they eventually got a little more money to make the animation better, but like the OG general, I was like, well, this is fake. This is all fraudulent insurance. It's a scheme you're going to have your whole life savings taken from you.

Well, that was the thing. You know, they saved up for Shaquille O'Neal. Like, you know, the first couple of commercials lay the groundwork, maybe get somewhere to mouth. Get the lore of the general going. Once you get $600,000, you get Shaquille O'Neal, and then we've got it made, baby. But is the general like, this is so stupid.

I mean, is it like a guyco situation? Yeah, he's like the mascot. Yeah, but it's not guyco. And it's just called like general. I don't call the general. Call the general. Yeah, I guess so. I guess it's just general insurance.

And it's like, bum, ba-da-bum. And then Shaquilla Neal's like, that was great. That was great. I'm going to use that money to now buy Papa Johns. Did that happen? He's on those commercials now. I assume he's on the board of directors too, probably. I think so, yeah.

But so yeah, he gives him a big smooch. He burns up. Simon smooch is the, the colonel. And then like, you know, it's this dilapidated schoolhouse. Virginia Manson's got a lot of things going on. This is a little girl, Mary, who, goes up to Eric Stoll to do like hide and seek in the creepy parts of the

place and what the, yeah, the deal is there like the school, they only use like a few rooms in the downstairs, but the whole upstairs is just creepy and abandoned. And they do a shitty job of locking it from a room full of kids. Yep. First of all you got like all sorts of ages. Kids are probably like

doing finger stuff at different places. Absolutely. Well, because it's like, you know, there's high school kids there too. I hope you mean finger sandwiches. Having some healthy snacks. No, the one like 16-year-old boy and the one 16-year-old girl in the class are fucking dittling each other.

You think so? We were talking about fingering potatoes. Oh, I guess that would work in a pinch. You could shove it up something. Absolutely. The really long one. Yeah. But like they become fast friends

because like, hello little girl. I mean, he is so creepy. This is insane. Click, clink, clink. Dude, I could not separate the two roles if I tried harder. He's doing it's like soft Eric Stoltz voice thing. Can you keep a secret? Yeah, I know.

Dude, and if it's the biggest secret ever? I mean, come on. Where was fucking Eric Stoltz's agent on this? Like, hey, Eric, you know, I've been noticing something about the rolls you're taking. Like, I thought we were going to do some kicking and screaming stuff and all that. You're always kind of trying to fuck kids or actually fucking kids. What's about that, buddy? Eric Stultz needs to work with Noah Baumbach again.

Yeah. That would be rad. That movie's fucking great. I like taking in screaming. Yeah. Great movie. But yeah, he's like, it's the biggest. And that's the thing, too, is like, you want to,

everybody tells kids, you know, don't get in a car, but then you don't accept candy. Don't accept a secret. If an adult comes up, you should have no secrets with any adults. Yes. No one should have any secrets. Agreed. When they're asking for a secret, what they're actually asking is close proximity to your

ear and face and that's not good. And that's the weirdest part too. Like, yeah, Eric Stoltz is kissing everybody. He kisses this little girl on the mouth. Yeah. And it whole I mean, I'm sure he's that kissing. It's just like yeah, like a CPR

kind of thing. Yeah, I'm not saying anything about Eric Stoltz, blah, blah, blah. No, no, no. No. You just put, he did CPR and this girl on said. It's just that on camera, it looks very weird. And like, I don't know, man. When you're just making this shit up out of thin air. Why doesn't he put the fucking hand on the head? I think kissing is very

like pious in a way, right? You kiss the Pope's little thingies. But if you watch this, if you're, if you're welcome back to the Pope's little fingies. Oh, good night. Oh, me, me. What accent? Is that a Latin accent? Good night. Oh, my, my, my beautiful pope, but let me kiss of your fingers every single one before bed. I want to kiss of the fingers. I mean, the kiss of the fingee. I guess it's a ring or whatever, right? But, like, the fingy kissing is a prominent part of the religion. Well, yeah, I mean, you're watching this on dailies and you're like, this looks weird.

Exactly. That's a great call. Why aren't you like, where is the scene of God? This would neutralize it, by the way. Have God, a scene with God's voice being like, Gabriel, Simon, my sons, you must go forth and kiss. Kiss all of them. Kiss the dead. Kiss the ball.

could kiss like a forehead, I guess, and maybe get the same idea. It's all mouth, but it's all making out. Because it's this weird thing where souls are coming out of and going into bodies through the mouth. Well, the original idea I was reading on the IMD trivia was ass to ass, but that was too. They liked it, but in dais, it didn't work.

So, like, swapping souls like this, I would understand if they were French souls. Yeah. French kissing, French souls. Whatever. they um so like she's got now she's got the the soul of this dude in there virginia madson's like hey man you better get out of here she's she comes and she sees this girl on his lap

and she's like you better get out of here mr man i'd be like i am calling the police immediately dude what is going on this lax attitude from a school teacher also my god the freak out doesn't happen and it's really weird i don't like that this This, this possession is just like, like, like, miners cough or something. Like, she's just sick. And I'm like, why isn't it like, why?

Like, yeah, last night, she was, she used every slur I've ever heard. Just like all of them, all the curse words I've ever heard. She tried to eat one of her fucking classmates. The colonel's voice does eventually come out of her, at least his words or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. It's a cool, that's a cool scene. It kind of comes out of nowhere. you know, she's a quick slur

and it's like, oh my God, you ever see how those people die kind of a thing? And it's like, really weird. And I'm like, that should be a lot more of the movie. Yes, absolutely. Because it'd be cool, like this little, this weird little racist girl. A weird little racist girl.

That would be an amazing horror franchise. Exactly. It's like orphaned, but she's racist. Exactly. If she's like walking around doing this voice and whatever, I mean, it's kind of like Chucky. Yes, exactly. So that's a thing.

thing. Little racist girl was definitely pitched as a comedy in the 90s. But yeah, so then Elias Codias goes down there. Also, there's a dumb part, but right before he takes off that

I don't know why it had to be this way in this movie, but like he leaves for Arizona basically from Banya's coroner's office. And while they're there, they're looking at the fucking charred angel corpse on the floor and Elias Codias is like

looks like a snow angel. He's saying this to band here, you know. And he's like, you know, when you'd lay down and move your arms and legs back and forth and a fresh pile of, I was like, yep, Snow Angel, pretty universal. No, no, no. This is a West Coast movie.

No one knows what that is. I would just be like, they ain't moving. It's a cross. Are you stupid? Can't move. There's no wingspan here. That's just a cross. What's fucking wrong with you?

Oh, we do have one of my favorite Christopher Walken Powers before he burns Usil, where he's just like, he could put people to sleep whenever he wants. Yep. Yeah. Because there's like this big hillbilly, a morgue attendant guard who just gets put to sleep. Which I believe is how Epstein went.

Is Gabriel went and it was like, shh. And then he made it look like a suicide. Yeah, yeah. Then he got the bed sheets and all that. Tissue paper. Gabriel took him back to heaven to live happily ever after. I modeled.

he's sorry. I modeled his suicide after one of my favorite movies. Nightmare on Elm Street. I just remembered about the whole fact, the soul sucking out of the dead body and the kiss swapping. It's just like the soul just sits in the body. Even when you're dead, it just sits in there. Well, because we find out later for some reason, because this war is going on, God's like, that's it. Heaven's closed. No, that's it. We're good. For three. thousands of years, mind you. And heaven has been closed for businesses whole time because walking is like saying to Virginia

Madsen, like, oh yeah, well, you're dead parents, they're still just in the ground hanging out because they can't get up to heaven and whatnot. Or maybe Vigo says that. I think it's Vigo. Yeah. And it's just like, oh, man, well, that's a bummer. Meanwhile, fucking Danny DeVito demon is managing limbo

that is swelling to capacity. You know, they have to go somewhere. You're working overtime tonight. There wasn't, Vigo doesn't have mentioned that, like, some eventually do get to him. Yes. There is hell. Well, yeah. If you get so tired, you're waiting for a train to New York and he gets to tired.

You're just like, I got to go to Ohio, I guess. But whatever. So, yeah, he shows up and, like, Virginia Manson's, like, a little creeped out by, when does walk and make himself known? Because him and Adam Goldberg have a little road trip down to Arizona. We're driving down to Arizona and he gets there And they go like immediately to the school That's right

And he Virginia Madsen first encounters him like On the steps of the school Again Virginia Madsen F plus for your fucking child safety standards There's a creepy motherfucker sitting on the stoop Of your abandoned school Children in his lap When she asks what he's doing

I'm talking to the kids 9-1-1 I don't get this. I was bored. He does this thing with the kid. He's like, hey, why don't you blow into this trumpet? You ever hear of Gabriel's trumpet? Yeah, and it blows out the window. You know, that's kind of a cool thing that never comes back. Exactly. He should use that the last act. Oh, yeah, Lucifer. You think you're a hot

shit. How about some hot jazz music? They just blasts his ears out. They should do more references to the Bible other than the like he should be like playing with an apple at some point and the tree. Sure, all that shit. Get it all in there. Come on. Why not? It's boring as shit. Come on. Have something to happen. What else like fucking whale? Someone's inside of? I don't know. I think this is also, is this not after

him encountering Eric Stoltz in the school? Oh, yes. Because Christopher walking. That's right. He basically like fucking kills Eric Stoltz right here. Eric Stoltz is still, I guess, like really wounded from that fight with Glenn Danzig. Yes. And he like, it's kind of cool. because he like burns him up.

You get like a Freddie Krueger, Eric Stoltz. He was fired from that movie as well for a second. Dude, the thing about this burned up Eric Stoltz and like it's not an exact replica. I just thought that at the time it looked like who could have been wearing that burned makeup was Christopher Lambert. Yeah, a little bit.

It's just like whatever they put on him, it gave him the kind of like Christopher Lambert's like caveman forehead a little bit. The wily eyes. They went everywhere after it. That's a big lamb bear feature. It's really some disturbing makeup here. And he's just like talking to him like normal. He won't walk in as like, where is the soul?

Where is it? Where is it? And he won't tell him. And he basically says to him like, I can keep torturing you like this forever. Yada yada. Well, you know what this means. Time for kisses.

Better get kissing. Angels could do two things. Fly and kiss. We do never see them fly Marry a winged angel In this motion picture The finger thing means the money I think it's also way less badass

Yeah What you have to remember about this movie It's pretty badass A lot of dusters You know God gave us all a choice It was wings or penis and vagina And we all went penis and vagina I have the most badass ability

I could put you to sleep Yeah, I mean, like, he should just quit it, quit it with the trying to take over Earth, put a little drop of your blood in pills and shit like that. Oh, sure. Pre-melatonin as a thing. You're fine, dude. You're doing good. You got the night jitters. Why not drink some of Gabriel's blood?

I would absolutely buy angel blood. Oh, sure, right? I bet that's what's going to happen? Cure a lot of stuff, probably. Have gabertan. Are you worried about the big promotion that you might, might get? How about some Gabritan? Uh-oh.

What's that? Nervous about the first date. Well, how about chugging some Gabritan? What's that? Tomorrow's your wedding? Gabritan. Confidence, out the ass. The best night's sleep you've ever had,

and you don't even need to kiss an angel. Gabriel's kisses, it's a chewable tablet. Get your mojo working. Now in gummies and drinkable vials. Everybody loves gummies. What would it be in like a candy? Oh, man. Oh, so, so, you know, Mary not feeling well.

Yeah. School for the day. So Virginia Madsen goes to check on her. And important to point out, by the way, Mary is Native American. Yes. She has no parents. She lives with her Native American grandmother.

and it's this terrifying thing where Virginia Manson goes into their trailer and it's like oh how's Mary and the grandmother's like not taking it so well they've brought in somebody to officiate some sort of ritual here trying to do some healing this is all very like cribbed from poltergeist too it's that kind of like vague Native Americans

something or other so they're doing that here in this movie also and it's Virginia Madsen looking around this fucking trailer and she finds all these drawings and like you haven't super put it together yet that the spirit of this fucking insanely violent horrible colonel guy is

in this little girl so Virginia Madsen finds these drawings and it's all just like people get impaled and fucking murdered and shot and everything I love around this time L.S. Cody goes to the general's house the colonel's house and like the world's least

curious landlord is like yeah he died doesn't have any family or nothing, whatever you want in there. And I'm like, I don't know, man. I would be looking at these tapes. Look, go crazy. I already raided the underwear drawer. There's a mention I guess, like, that the house

is probably going to go up to auction. So I guess he owned it, but then the town was given it. Yeah. I mean, where else? I guess you have no if you have no whatever. Yeah, you're like a ward of the state or something. But then like it takes, he's like, but like it's behind like that. It's not even like a thing

like watchman where it's like he has to press button and the thing opens up. It's like the closet and there's like these faces in it. That's the banality of evil man. That's how it is. It's every day. Shit. So this must this is where it gets the evidence. Yes. That's a canister. Like this is

this is probably where the 8mm mix up has. This is what I always thought of and I guess it's kind of similar because it's footage of like of all these dead bodies and this dude. Make sure you get all these atrocities. Make sure we have a record of all these atrocities.

is like patting his belly on the battlefield, like, oh boy, I ain't great today. And it's just like all this documentation that's like cannibalism was at play. Can you zoom out? I want you to get the whole mass grave at once. Look, I'm asking for a lot. What about a tracking shot

down the corridor to see all of the dead bodies we've nibbled on? Nibled. And they're in the footage. He's holding the little suitcase and then he notices the little suitcase. Yes. And opens it up and sees what it is. I think it's funny that the U.S. government was like, yeah, you can keep that. Oh, yeah, because he goes on trial, like, all right, we're docking you two weeks pay.

And you get to keep the faces, but totally keep it quiet. And I don't know what the... By the way, great job. Oh, excellent. Thank you for your service. I hope you had a good memorial day. I'm saying five faces, okay? The rest of them are staying with us.

I don't, were these, in the newsreel, there's also a... like headline footage or something. I don't know. I don't know who cut this thing. I don't know. But there's some great things. Court accuses Hawthorne of human sacrifices. Yeah, that's cool. Alleged cannibalism. And then court

marshal in Korea for Hawthorne. Charles Foster Kane accused of cannibalism. Where was? Everyone knew him as the colonel. Everyone in the town went to his funeral, they say. Yeah. I would love him just to get a shot of him watching it. here at the very head. Finkle goes wide. Finkle loses. Miami loses. It's in a little footballs.

Laces out, Colonel. I mean, like, where was Gabriel like when, when, when, when Bundy got it? Where was he when Gacy got it? You know, I'm going to kiss John Wayne Gacy on the mouth, then start the new war or whatever. You know what though, dude? I'll tell you right now why Gacy wasn't involved with that. I tried to get Gacey. soul, but no way kissing a clown kind of creeps me out. There's a mention towards the end of the film. Lucifer says that

like angels don't possess the like tactics and treachery that man do. Okay. So Gabriel wants this guy to be a colonel in heaven to command the armies of angels.

Oh, okay. So it's the war record that really turns about, not just the atroast. I thought it was like he was the most evil man of all time. Demons will listen to him. They will listen and come into file for him. It turns out that Venn diagram is just a purple circle. Got it.

Those faces in the box though, man, I got to tell you, the first time I tried to watch this. I went after Walt Disney but no military experience can't use him. Can't use him. Do I need a guy to doodle in heaven? I don't think so.

Although his racist cartoons could be funny. Could be good for morale. Oh, no. Kissinger, he's going in the first round. I can't believe it. Still alive. I keep waiting for that old fuck to die. His brother just passed. What's with that?

He's going to take my job. That is right. I will lead all the angels in the war for heaven. I go to sleep. I believe you have my time. Trump, it, thank you. I don't turn into a pile of doves. I turn into a pile of turkeys. I cannot let the ancient Gabriel know

that I actually drop my glasses in the toilet. I got you up, I'm sorry. Oh, yeah, what the fuck was I talking about? The first time you saw this movie? Yeah, so it was like, maybe like two years ago I tried watching for the first time and completely greened out and I woke up to this scene

of the newsreel footage. It was just like, well this took a turn. Cannibals? What the fuck happened? I had no clue, man. It was fucked up. I turned it off at that. I was like, you've lost it. You lost the thread. Yep. Blah, blah, blah. So now he knows that the Colonel is Evil and that's what's going on. I love Christopher Walken

heckling Elias Coteas while he's at church. Yes. Yeah. Codias is like just, you know, praying or whatever. And he's like, hey, hey, you. Let's talk in church. weeknight at church shows good character oh yeah that's right don't you know must see TV

it's on I love the little there's little shots of walking throughout this like one point he's just like on top of the school as like a little gargoyle yes I like them peppering that

throughout yeah totally I mean he makes the move like this movie would be dry sand I couldn't imagine anyone else playing this role no exactly yeah this is

Oh, the church scene is where he does the finger to his lip thing. Yeah. I told you a secret. It was the recipe for Kentucky fried chicken. Everyone knows it, but then forgets. A lot of cumin.

Eleven herbs and spices. I said to the colonel, why not 12? You knew it. Everyone, when they're born, could cook fried chicken. Like the colonel, but then you forget. We're going to need one more spice for heaven.

You're going to have to make it 12. Fabrica. It's just red peppers. There's a thing where he's talking. So when he is talking to the little girl, like outside the school, Sandra, and he's like, because he's trying to figure out, like, he kind of has the idea that, like, the soul might be in one of these kids or whatever. And he goes, uh, did you see?

the man upstairs Sandra and she's like yes and he goes did you talk to him some exquisite wakening quick question did he get to first base with you or what I'm confusing myself

are we talking about God or Simon the hobo the man upstairs oh then they go to the cave of whatever the fuck prophecy there was there was a line I think Virginia Madison

has a line that there was like a copper mine that was how that's what closed yeah so then the town went desolate so then Gabriel I think is just living in the fucking copper mine oh that's right like a gargoy like a gargoy like what's a cave dweller a goblin I'm sure that's where the most death would happen so that makes sense but there's no set up for it though it's just at least Codius goes like gee I wonder where this guy could be and then Virginia Madsen's like well I know and then they just it cuts and they're at the cave or the mine shaft and I was like well you need something like oh there's there was like reports of somebody who was seen around there local cop could mention like oh yeah what a hobo

burned up in the school while we heard some reports out at the old mine there's been one or two yeah exactly yeah and then they see these visions more terminator angel war stuff all these angels on pikes which is pretty cool I like it the impaling is pretty nice like it's this really awesome thing where like he turns the corner and sees into this totally other dimension landscape of like all of these impaled. Are these dead angels?

Yes, I believe they're dead angels. I mean that's what I want. I mean, you know, Virginia Manson's great. Get me Michael Manson as an angel like who's fighting. I mean, now it's way too Tarantino but you know like. Yeah. Yeah. At least just get me more of these like Mega Death album cover visuals.

Exactly. That's what I'm looking for here. That little girl Mary deserves to live and we angels deserve to die. Exactly. It would be kind of Rebbe.

Is that a Hanso Bible? I think there's a rule though where you can't put more than three Quentin Territory actors in a movie together. Otherwise you have to then pay QT to punch up the script.

Yes, exactly. And then it's like, oh, have you do you remember that scene in Family Matters? pop culture, right? Where does Judy go? She is like, God, I guess, because she left us and comes back? I don't know.

I was expecting more of that shit. When Adam Goldberg and him are doing the fucking driving across country, even though you're a demon god. Angel book. Angel biggest person. You can't fucking fly. I'm event horizoning a pizza. I can't believe it.

I go into this guy's house, Mr. Goldberg, and his wife threw out a glass that I drank. You've never had fried chicken? I mean, the obsession with kissing and stuff. I could see. I'm just, yeah, I'm going to move that Gabriel glass away for a minute. Lord knows a fucking subway pole that dude. No thanks.

Yeah, can I see through time now if I touch this shit? But I mean, even that, Chris, or maybe like, oh, you know, this car ride is pretty boring. how about we listen to The Butthole Surfers, you know what I mean? Like, punch it up with some pop music, possibly. That's a great thing right here. Like, I was noticing this. Like, this should have been a movie where, like,

it was a terrible soundtrack. Like, a famously terrible soundtrack with all the music you wanted to forget from, like, the early 90s, early to mid-90s, right? And instead, there's, like, two songs maybe, including one that's just over the credits. Big disappointment. Look, if I'm, if,

This is including walk and doing pepper, like karaoke. I don't mind. It should have been. The sense of time. That should have been a better shot. Got him in the head. I don't know the rest of the lyrics to pecker. I don't mind.

The sense of time. The images shows. Wow. There you go. It's a banger song, everybody. It is a good one. Go to your older brother's room and get his butthole surfer album and put that song on. But yeah.

So like whatever. they see this crazy Terminator vision I think somebody throws a lantern at it and goes away it is fucking hilarious there is

there's a lantern that also like just comes to life on its own and Codius takes it and is like nah and throws it

like against he just throws it and it winds up going against the real wall that is there which is also written on

in like angelic script we're told right what is that I don't know it's kind of like calligraphing I guess so.

Yeah, what kind of font is this? This is picksticks. I think it's wingdings, dude. Well done. But whatever. All of that shit comes to nothing as far as I know, right? He doesn't translate any of that cave. The next thing is the big showdown in Grandma's fucking trailer.

All grandma has in the world is this trailer. This is a clear fortunate. And she's been spending the last two days yelling at this kid trying to get the evil spirit. exactly and being racistly slurred at by an old man in a little girl's body yeah yeah and remember the native american angle too is interesting because movies in the 90s in general it was like in 80s as well right it's catholicism and native american religion that's the only true true religions yes no you're totally right because they're the most mystical you know exactly you know exorcist stuff is all the catholics and you all that crazy hoodoo nonsense yeah and obviously at any and all uh native american

stuff, you know, we fucking desecrated them, but we really think their culture's neat. Well, yeah, there was just a line of these movies where like, look, we're kind of like them, right? Yeah, exactly. We killed them all, but we're kind like, Thunderheart, dances with wolves, all this shit. Garbage. It's just weird, though, because

at the end of the movie, like, the movie is like sort of positioning itself where it's like, yeah, Catholics believe that we're all equal on this planet, and I'm like, no, the belief is such that like these Native Americans wouldn't get into your heaven

because I don't believe in your God. What fucking connection are you trying to make? After we own it. They're all equal after we own it all. Well I guess it's like well like it couldn't hurt. You know, get to work on that girl. So it's a big fight. Adam Goldberg dies and his last line,

which is pretty funny. Adam Goldberg says, thanks buddy, you're a real sport. Yeah, totally. I really love that. He's just been like wanting to die for so long. Thanks, pal. And, like, there's this thing He gets shot up, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, like, there's one bullet left at Virginia Madsen. Everyone is out of the trailer at this point. The girl is out of the trailer. The trailer is empty. Gabriel is out of the trailer. You son of a bitch! And blows up this old lady's trailer.

It's insane for two reasons. One, now this poor grandmother is homeless. Absolutely. But also, like, I think she's doing it, like, trying to get Gabriel. but like with zero regard for the fact that Codius is standing right next to it also and this trailer explodes they both go flying and then she's like oh Michael Michael I was like well you didn't give a shit when you blew up this fucking trailer and he was two feet from it wait and they're not in the hot Thomas is not it's not Michael oh Thomas not Michael excuse me Thomas and they're not in the the hut yet no no this is no but the grandmother and Mary have left yes everyone's out of this trailer but the trailer's now exploded yeah and all of her

price or all of her wedding album is gone. She's going to have to move above this school. She probably had like, you know, she didn't trust the bank. She's like six, six grand and like at a coffee cup somewhere. Definitely.

Yep. It's all gone. Thanks, Virginia Meds. And again, not doing great by the people in this town. No. So that's kind of gets us towards the last act. But I love that the firefighters show up and the police show up and they convey like

no, cuff. Oh, that's right. Yes. He's like dead sort of. And it's actually kind of badass because Codius is like, you know, I'm begging you just fucking cuff this guy. I cannot waste that seconds explaining to you the supernatural adventure that I'm on. But please just cuff that dead body. Yeah. And the guy's like, all right. And they put him in the car. Great close up on walking opens his eyes and winks at Elias Codius before the door closes. Pretty fucking sweet. And then later on the highway, you see like the cop car is totally this man. And it's great the way that they introduced that

because they're just driving to So the grandma has taken Mary to this bute Where they're gonna like protect her It's on a reservation Well that's all I it's the only place I could stay on I was gonna stay in that cabin there And I really really grown to love But the way that they introduced that

That was rad because they're driving down the road Yeah truck and you see like bits and pieces of the cop car first And then it's like totally turned over those cops are dead Walkins clearly out of it. You get to see them as dead meat which is cool. Yeah. And then Walkins like say, did somebody say Amanda Plummer?

Because this is like yeah the movie's like pretty much ending at this point. I need another minion. Why? Because he doesn't drive. Yes. Yeah. And it's so annoying. I do love how so we do get more of the him using his sleep powers right here because he goes to an ICU at a hospital and he's like

Yeah, I'm looking for someone who might be dying tonight. This is great. Who do you have on deck dying wise? Who's up next to eat shit? When he's looking at all like the medical charts, it's great. Recovering, stable. Get out of here. Dude, he throws the clipboard on the person.

Oh, it's awesome. He's vamping in this scene. I love it. It's pretty great. He's got every like stand-up comedian's like favorite power in that like he tries out these shitty one-liners and all these people. they don't laugh are confused and he makes him go to sleep

oh that didn't work for you get out of my face his when he stumbles upon Amanda Plummer though it's like and great it goes deteriorating quickly my favorite when he brings her back to he's like hi oh yeah the hi it's great

oh god it's awesome she also wants to be dead obviously and here is like you know this movie's only like 99 minutes which thank you very much but like screenplay wise you know like we know at least a little bit about Adam Goldberg he was a suicide and yada yada and like I don't know man let me know anything about this Amanda Plummer

character no no no no just on the verge of death because it's weird because when he you think this is a sequel to I married an axe murderer after the events of that film entirely possible dude woman whoa man whoa man oh and Phil Hartman the bitch he was talking about that they cut his eyes out is the angel you seal, obviously. A cup Ocino.

This is all making perfect sense. I think it's a shared cinematic universe. There she goes. There she goes again. And the high is just an interpretation of, hello. Hello. Can I get a haggis?

My parents are Scottish. Harriet. Sweet Harriet. There's at no point that we're in this movie, Christopher Walking goes, Heid! Paper! No! Do it. I mean, he's got the Scottish in him. Come on. He wasn't Heed, uh, Averman from the mighty dog?

Yes, he was. Excellent. If you want a 90s evening, put on soy Amerit and Axford, it still holds up. It holds up. It's really funny. It's got to be like, I don't know. It's got to be in the top three Mike Myers movies. Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, R.P. Charles Grote and small role in the movie. Oh, right. Right. him and Anthony La Paglia. That is such a good scene. Not Charles Grodden.

That's Alan Arkin. Charles Grodin is in it. Oh, yes. He's a small road. He just drives. He drives Anthony La Paglia to wherever. And he's like, because Anthony Lepagin is like, I'm commandeering this vehicle. And Charles Grudence is like, no.

Yes, you're right. And eventually agrees to like drive him somewhere. And he's like tapping his hands on the dash. Could you stop doing that? Oh, you don't like that? No, it's one of my favorite things. It's so good and dry. Oh, rest of that legend.

But whatever. So like the final act is he's got Amanda Plummer. They go to a diner for five seconds because it's, you know, it's the 90s. I can't see Amanda Plummer and a diner. You're totally right. You're totally right, man. And this is just like now that the diner waitress thinks that like she's abused by this guy that is dragging her around.

And it's just, I guess that's a moment of levity. But it's the main thing where like this nurse or waitress is like supposedly concerned. But then she's like, well, I sincerely hope I never see you again or something like that. Yeah, totally. It's kind of just take it outside kind of a thing. Exactly. Let me just turn a blind eye to this. Oh, you tipped well.

Excellent. Harb gave us notes. He wants Christopher walking to dance on a table with Elias Coates. to a Chuck Barry song. I don't know what this is, but he wants to put it in the movie. So, yeah, we're all sort of convening at the top of this beaut that is located on a Native American

Reservation. Virginia Madsen kind of farting around when, uh-oh, who's there? The best part of the movie, Vigo himself, Viggo Mortensen, as Lucifer. Slicked back hair, cocaine fingernail. he looks like fucking Harvey Keitel and taxi drive

and the De Niro and Angel hard beard Yes he does Oh big time Lucifer's exact facial here An underused Lucifer I mean like obviously I would

It's just Vigo played the devil I'm into it by the way You know what I mean Like fucking rocks It rocks so hard That it feels like it's coming out of a different movie For a second

You're like wait this is too good For the prophecy Well because you're kind of It's the middle of the prophecy You're kind of falling asleep And then Vigo's like, hey, oh, hey, how about that? Well, yeah, because, like, history of ounce is kind of about him because he used to have dark ass energy back in the day.

This fucking, the Indian runner, he's fucking psychotic in that movie. For what it's worth, leather face, Texas chains zone mask or three. Like, there was all this shit. And now, like, Captain Fantastic really put the fucking, like, steak in the heart of that one. Which I found okay. I think it's fine. I actually never saw it. Really?

You didn't care for it, Kevin? That is, I think, the door that opened halfway. to allowing a green book to happen. I agree with that, but it resonated me as someone who grew up around hippies. Yeah, there are going. Should mention on Patreon this month we're doing We Love Movies on History of Violence. That's right. That's a Vigo connection.

Patreon.com slash we hate movies. He's got some great lines here with Virginia Madsen, too. He's like, God is love. I don't love you, which is a great one. And then the stone cold stunner line of this movie, top shelf dialogue, he goes, I can lay you out and fill your mouth with your mother's feces. Hot damn, that replaces your mother sucks cocks in hell.

And you know what from Vigo, it's like, well, I don't know, that sounds kind of nice now. I don't know, maybe. Shit, am I into that? I kind of want to impress this guy. I mean, I always wondered what mom's feces tasted like. might as well. I do love his whole motivation. He's like

oh, if Gabriel gets control of heaven, it'll just turn into another hell, which would be one hell too many. Yes. Tony doesn't want to get put out of business. Exactly. You can't open a Burger King. I got the McDonald's right here. Okay. Do not take that shit down the road. This is also where we

see it cuts for a second. You see Virginia Madsen's eyes kind of dart to the side. And you see this fucking this Lucifer's assistant got it's a weird robe all these chains he's like white and black very hell razor-esque and it's like

yes yeah totally it's the Simpsons thing though it's like well when's that guy going to do something you expect him to like bite somebody or in the big final confrontation or like clean up the battlefield like drag Gabriel's body it'd be great it's like all right

yes you've won this round now my assistant will clean up your house well you're You're kind of right though, Eric, because in just a few minutes from now, when Wachan eats shit at the end of this movie, Vigo is still in the hut with everybody. And Wauken's body is getting dragged out, but it's the little guy, obviously, but you don't even see him. Like dwell on it for a second. Totally.

It would be cool. I mean, it's a cool character design. You know, let's do it. It's a hilarious little fucking troll monster dragging Christopher walking out of a hut. Just ignore him. I promised him we'd go to Wendy's after this. He's very impatient. Listen, we had a hell contest. All the demons

got together. He had proof of purchase. He won so he gets to go to America. Spicy chicken sandwiches. They're brand new and special right now. He doesn't know what's about it. I can see future. I know that you can get him whenever in the future. But it's special still now for him.

There's another great Vigo line where he's talking about how like, it's when he's explaining that heaven has been closed for all this time and he's like, I'm always open even on Christmas. He's fucking great. It's a cheesy line,

but the way he delivers it is what you want. And then he has a scene with Daggett with Elias Codias and it's like this thing where like, I was the monster under your bed, blah, blah, blah, kind of a cool, it's all so fucking good and like just. It's Halloween. It just invades from like a totally better movie.

somewhere. It's so weird. And one of the I think the last line Lucifer has with him, because whence Gabriel's taken out and he eats his fucking heart, which is pretty cool. Fatality. There's a line like like, you know, leave the light on, Thomas. Yeah, yeah, dude. And then

Vigo did not return as Lucifer for any of these sequels. Rightfully so. But like, how rad would that be, dude? Because if it's just a movie of Elias Codius, V. Vigo Mortensen as Lucifer, fuck. That's better than that fucking Arnold movie. Hollywood, listen up.

If you're looking for a devil origin story, go back to Vigo. He's still available these days. Get him involved. He's still sexy as fuck. It would have been interesting if they really pushed this franchise. Obviously didn't make enough to do that. But Walken's great and all. But then just do Vigo for the sequel.

And then the third movie, get some other fucking weirdo actor. Yeah, totally. Yeah, please. Get like, I don't know, like Robert Carlisks is the third one. It's like, yeah. He could play the Archangel Michael or whatever. I can't have got more Stargate to do. I mean, yeah, the final climax isn't great.

It's Amanda Plummer on a car and she's kind of being begged to be killed. You know, you get some wacko Amanda Plumber energy, but not nearly enough. Not what you want. Not nearly enough. This is not even needful things, wacko energy. She is a fucking bolt of lightning in that bad movie. Maybe that's a stay tuned for the spooktacular this year. That's been a long time common.

It's like putting like pickled jalapinos next to a thing, a clam chowder. Yeah. It's just a flavor I don't need here. And why would I do it here? Yep. For this little. It's a flavor that I like. Sure.

But just not in my clam chow. And for nothing. For what? A bit? No. The craziest part of this finale is the fact that Elias Cody is drives this pickup truck into this structure where all these Native American. are doing this ceremony and whatnot.

I was like, it's like a hard rock cafe. It's all like, what, why? Why did you have to do this? Leave it. We'll make this a theme restaurant. Just leave it right there. A couple of broken guitars on the wall.

Looked pretty sharp. Oh, wow. There was a moment earlier where like he puts a chain out to like trick Gabriel to crash the car and goes through the windshield or whatever. That's some good stunt work. And Walken's got some great. weird dialogue here that's like, Tommy, you've got to come work

for me. You could eat ice cream all day long. I guess it's one of the benefits, right? If you're an immortal beating of all the ice cream you want, don't gain any weight. Don't have to worry about a lactose intolerance. It's like defending your life, but with Christopher

Walker. Oh, I like that. Oh, you died trying to work a CD player. One thing I do want to say because it comes up a lot in this movie. And it It reminded me, every time it happened, it reminded me so much of the fucking Mario Brothers movie. It was like, all these talking monkeys

walking around. Oh, yes. And we're using that a lot in this movie. You silly, talking monkey. Monkey. That's right. You stupid monkey. Yeah, it's more like that because he hates them.

Yes. Fucking monkeys. What is the deal with this two and a half hour cut of Super Mario Brothers out of curiosity? Or like, excuse me? They polished up like all the deleted scenes. They polished up the turd.

They polished the turds, actually is what they did. It's an extra half hours, but it's an extra half hour of footage in a mega cut of Super Mario Bros. And where is this available? I don't know. It's online. I think it's in the internet archive actually.

What? Really? Yeah. Huh. I just saw it was like Kotaku had the story. I don't know. I don't know what they else. They're like a video game.

We get some katakas for the table. Oh, this is interesting. I'm gonna have to do some research. I could smoke weed tonight and watch two-hour brother's movie. But whatever. So, like, yeah, he's just calling everybody a monkey. Yeah, like, and Vigo eats his heart.

It rules. Yep. He gets, like, he gets kind of beaten. Codius has, like, a fucking tire iron. Yeah. It's a weird thing where it's like, yeah, they're these all-powerful beings and whatnot, but, like, can easily be shot and beaten to death.

Yes. Like, they're not going to die, but they're not super strong. There's a certain line about, like, when they're on Earth, they have, like, mortality of some kind. And here we, like, Lucifer, you know, comes in to save the day. Great guy. Love him. I'm glad that finally a movie's portraying him in a favorable light.

Absolutely. And, you know, there's lines while Gabriel's dying. Like, you know, your war is arrogance and that makes it evil and that's my thing. And then also, they suck out they, they, like, they, they suck. that girl's evil the evil turtle soul. Dude,

this thing I love it. It's like a weird fucking skeleton troll thing. It's like a Freddy Kruger monster.

And then like I guess God's light destroys it question like that fucking fat asshole got off his ass

that's for nothing dude. It's like a flash of light and then it gets destroyed which is I don't know

it feels weird because the soul has been jumping around so much just for it to be vaporized. It should go to hell.

Vigo should get it. I thought that a little guy was going to come up and like with a net like a dog catcher better movie man I can see God just being like oh god do you want me to be looking

everywhere you want me to be looking at Oklahoma City do you want me to be looking all over the place come on it is a maybe it's a thing where he was like uh oh several of my soldiers have gathered at one place all the same time

oh and lose there oh this can't be good. Better step in. All right. No, I'm getting up. I'm getting up. I'm getting up. I'm getting up. I'm going to get up. I'm going to get up. Oh, what's that? A rerun of the Hogan family. Hang on a second. Turn the light on and go right back to bed.

Pause the alternate dimension married with children where Ed Asner plays out. Oh, shit. No, I'm getting up. All right. All right. Going to stop that fucking infertile war right now. It would be awesome if you just see him gets up and he just parts some clowns and goes ah, don't make me come down there.

It is kind of zaps this this fucking, which thing looks like a dinosaur mixed with a fucking you know what it reminded me of actually was the when things are going Flip City and Ghostbusters. Yes. And that fucking creature walks under the Arc and Lushin Square Park. They're probably both

claymation, right? Oh yeah. It did sort of look like some sort of stop motion situation. Both look like big hunks of shit. And that's another thing. Fucking God is just like, oh, that a state buffed marshmallow man down. I can't be bothered. I really can't. Well, he's a sailor. You know, he was in the service. I can't just kill him. Thank you for your service.

They puffed marshmallow, man. I hope you had a good memorial business. Listen, I'm not getting into Gozer's business. Gozer's doing his thing. I'm doing mine. Vankman, he doesn't die for 30 years. They'll be fine. Oh, I don't fuck with Gozarians. I do not

fuck with Gozarians, man. Oh, that fucking Samarian shit? No, no, no, no, I'm good. you get the domino's number Let's just get to come on with Put all pizza up's here Thin and Krispy They get the selectable crust knife

Sidney have you heard this Oh sweet look It's another episode ahead of the class Oh it's that last season with Billy Connolly All right I'll watch it You know I would never think to have a banana peppers And grilled chicken pizza But you can just do it

Sydney this is incredible Did I make this? No, no, Shaq did. My good friend, Shaq. God made Shaq, and Shaq made the banana pepper pizza. Available now at Papa Jones. It's not an ad. They should change the name to Papa Shacks.

Absolutely. Drop that name. Dude, I would totally buy a Papa Shacks T-shirt if that happened. I'd buy Papa Shacks pizza. Yeah. A pinch. I don't know. So, yeah, Lucifer takes, it is kind of this funny thing where it's like, you know, he has to be a lucifer.

He's like, and now you'll come with me. And he's like, no, get out of here, devil. And he's like, all right. It's so stupid because Caudius is just like, oh, yeah, well, my faith is restored because a light beam killed that monster or whatever just happened. I wasn't entirely paying attention, but my faith is restored. Well, I'd love to kill all of you. But as you see, Gabriel's dead. so limbo is open

and I've got to be there to sign everybody in. I love that Vigo walks out of this movie exploding into a murder of crows, pretty bad ass. That is in the trailer and I think the trailer makes you believe that Walkin does it. Or maybe Wauke does it as a sequel? Well, they make you think that

they do it reverse. Oh, right. Oh, really? Yes. Okay. He like conform from crows. Because I remember that's what the thing was like, oh man, that's that crow movie. I remember being very disappointed when that only

happens at the end. That's another movie that's got a soundtrack with a bunch of shit you don't want to listen to anymore. That's exactly right except for being able to. Well, the crow soundtrack is pretty excellent in case you're wondering. Both of them. The second one has deaf tones. It's got nine-inch nails doing the cover of Dead Souls.

Being empty by Stonegible Pilots. Yes, that's a great track. All right. The Crow soundtrack is better than I remembered. Maybe I've got to rewatch that movie, huh? Yeah. You should probably do it on devil's night. My new favorite holiday. That would be a WLM, possibly.

Maybe, yeah. It's right on the edge there. For nostalgia, I think it would push it over. The sequels will be H's for sure. City of Angels, we could definitely do on the age. Oh, I like that. Yeah, and then that's the end of the movie. There's a sick copter shot of the Butte.

And then it's, yeah, it's Elie's Cody is kind of given some more narration that you cannot be paid to pay attention to. And then that's why I'm a human because I'm fallible or something. I mean, I see the Ryan on the wall. I turned it off. That's the fucking time's almost over. That is the end of this motion picture.

Would anybody recommend it? Steve will start with you? No, and I really wish I could. I just wish it was more exciting parts to it. Walkins a lot of fun. Vigo's fantastic. There's peaks, but so many valleys. and the middle of this movie is so boring.

I can't. I can't recommend it. I wish it was better. Chris Cabin. It's really badly made. That's a big no for me. It's clunky as shit. Like, the big seat, like, Walkin does come out of nowhere. Like, you would think a presence like that, he would like kind of hang over the whole movie. Yeah. He just kind of pops in, pops out. Yeah. He casually opens a door.

There's no mood to it. It's just, no, crap. Eric Siska. I understand the critiques, but I'm going to give it a. a recommend. I think Walkin is having the time of his life in this role the amount of time he is on screen. You got Vigo. There's stuff going on. I like the idea

of the evil American colonel being the worst human possible. So it's a recommend from me, but I understand the misgivings. Yeah, no, I hear you. Like I get it. This movie does kind of suck, but it's a light recommend for me too. I think part of it is just

the childhood trauma of growing up Catholic. Like I will always be attracted to, like, quote-unquote, Catholic horror and whatever, like, you know, end of days, fucking stigmata, all that shit, Passion of the Christ, you know, another horror movie we spoke about today. And I think, like, for the shining things of, like, Vigo and Watkins' performance, like, boring horror sucks, of course, but, like, you could kind of skate in just, like, checking that stuff out.

It's definitely not a rewatch at any point, but, like, if you haven't seen it, I can see where you're getting. I'm almost there. Yeah. But speaking of almost there, we are there. That is the end of this week's episode. Now, as always, you can find more content that we produce on patreon.com slash we ate movies, including the WLM on the aforementioned History of Violence with our good friend Vigo Mortensen.

On the $10 tier, the top shelfed blue tier, you got your, a banger of a Melro 2.1. That episode went really crazy. We might not be able to walk back from that. And death of a cheerleader on our once in a lifetime, our bimonthly lifetime tier, which is another Tory spelling event. Eric, we had the Gleap this month. Oh, on the Gleap Gloucestry.

This is our Star Wars Shide show, where we'd talk about a Star Wars character. And this month, I thought we'd change it up. You know, it's going to be our 30th Gleap Glossary. If you subscribe now, you unlock them all. But I thought we'd finally cover Ken. Who's Ken?

I'm excited to find out who can. You'll find out who Ken is later. It's just a robot. I smell robot. You'll be surprised. Is it an acronym? No, no it is not. No spoilers. And we're doing

our quarterly commentary on the jackass motion picture. That's right. Nearn-na-na-na-na-commentary. That's going to be a fun one because I haven't seen. that in forever. We're probably going to be a little toast to when we watch it. Oh yeah. Sure. Yep. I'm going to be gagging at that fucking paper cut scene. Don't even worry about it. I have not seen. What was the first movie? Like 2004? That sounds right. Something like that. One and done for me. I haven't seen it since whenever we saw it in the theater. So that's going to be really interesting.

But as always, here on the free feed folks, WHM Prime, as we call it, will continue. The summer blockbuster extravaganza rolls on, Steve. What are we talking about next week? We are talking about superhero film really a blockbuster in its own right Jonah Hex You know My only memory of seeing Jonah Hex Was we did some sort of

Like chef cabin cupcake situation At the oldest story of all And I'm trying to watch Jonah Hex But I'm also seeing literally through the television I don't remember a fucking thing about that movie No you'll forget baby Foss Bender in there Josh Brolin is the titular Jonah Hacks. And the Hax is on the

audience, sadly. So until next week, when we're all cursed, I'm Andrew Jupin, Stephen Sadak. Eric Siska. Chris Gavin. Take it easy. That was a Headgum podcast.