We Hate Movies - S11: The WHM 2020 Halloween Spook2cular Mail Bag

Episode Date: December 8, 2020

On this episode of the WHM Mail Bag, the guys are getting into the holiday spirit by reading some spooky AND scary letters, and taking some ghoulish questions from the audience! To catch these WHM Mail Bag episodes while they're hot, be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel to watch the episodes live! And be sure to tune in this Thursday, December 10th, 2020, for the holiday-themed final mail bag of the year! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Before you enjoy today's audio release of our spooky, spooky Halloween mailbag, I want to let everyone know that's listening right now that this Thursday, December 10th, 2020 at 8 o'clock p.m. Eastern, got to remember these details. We will be going live on our YouTube channel and our Twitch. That is, twitch.tv.tv.tv slash we hate movies, all one word. YouTube is YouTube.com slash we hate movies. Don't forget to subscribe. So you'll be notified automatically when to watch along. We'll be posting those links on social media as well. And don't forget to send in some of your festive stories. Did you see Mommy kissing Santa Claus? Did he kiss back? Is he a generous lover? We all hate movies at gmail.com. And we'll see you Thursday night, the 10th, at 8 p.m. Eastern 5 p.5. Pacific on our YouTube, on our Twitch. That is obviously December 10th this Thursday, this very Thursday. If you are listening to this in the future, you've got nothing to worry about. So just go dig it up from the archive. And now, the Halloween Mailbag.

We all go a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's a doubt a good scare. Sometimes. Dead is murder. They're at the building. They're at the door.

They're at the door. They're coming in. It's time to keep your appointment. They're coming to get you, Barbara. They're coming to get you, Barbara. to get you, Bob. We're sick for the fucks. She won't too many.

Now, sit, don't you blame the movies. Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos for creative. What's a freaking emotion in the bag? An excellent day. An excellent day. An excellent day.

What's going on, everybody? Welcome to the spook-tucular edition of the We Hate Movies, male bad. Oh, my goodness. My name is Andrew Jupiter, but alongside a delicious cast of characters. We've got Steve Bound, Colin, Steve Razor 2. I have so delicious my bed to show you, I guess. Yeah, that's right.

We'll see where this goes. I'll be tubing it pretty soon. Oh, my God, please no tubing it on the air. Please don't. You know, sound off in the chat if you want to tubing out. We got to Admiral Siska. He's stranded on the Forest Moon of Endor, unfortunately. Yeah, they left.

You know, it's just these guys and me. And of course, as always, the letter carrier himself, Chris Cabin in the Woods. Oh, hoi, hoi. I have such delicious Bradley Whitford to show. I guess that's got, yeah, that's it. I rewatch that movie. That movie holds up. It's super fun.

Not bad. Yeah, super fun. Really? Yeah, I had a lot of fun last time I watched it. I like that. So you guys know the drill. We are here to read some letters. We were going to A your cues at the end of the program.

But first, Eric Siski, you want to explain what was going on at the top of the show there, that little creation? Oh, yeah. You know, I just thought it would be fun to give everyone a little div off for the season. And then, you know, various substances takes hold and you start mixing it with the McDonald's DLP video. That's a sandwich that hasn't existed like since six months after that commercial aired, right? So the idea is it's revolutionary that they're going to serve you a whole hamburger on this weird platter that you have to assemble yourself, is the idea? Yeah. What I hate about it, though, is it's like, oh, you know, you want all like, I understand like the lettuce, tomato separately from the hot beef.

Well, hot hot, I would call that. Well, my problem is they put the cheese with the lettuce and tomato. Do you put that on the hot beef? Yeah, yeah, yeah. that's smarter but also like I'm a little confused wouldn't this just be good for like germophobes to make sure like you don't have the rat

turds in the fucking sandwich yeah but they're going through those sandwiches anyway though with a fine tooth comb are they but this makes it easier because it's not melted together or anything so you got to that's why they put the cheese with the cold stuff I need the lettuce to just be submerged in

grease anyway I mean I to kill whatever fucking Ecoli is on the lettuce is what you got to look out for always at best food. Let us and tomato. Those are the killers. Well, also, as soon as that patty goes cold, that's inedible. You might as well just throw that in the garbage. Somebody requested something in the chat.

Hot beef. Oh, yeah. You know, tubing, right? No, well, somebody said, don't say hot beef. I'm going to say it. I'm going to say it. If it's a hot beef, tubin, dude, now we're talking hot dogs. Old family recipe.

Welcome back to hot dog chat. Tasty. you know for a fact. It's a red fireable. You know for a fact we could do fucking two hours on hot dogs alone.

Oh, easily. Sure. I think we have confirmation here, not time of death, but confirmation all the same. Joe says RIP, the big and tasty. Oh, no.

So that something bad happened. There was an accident. The big and tasty ate shit. I just have to assume Jason Alexander was involved. He killed. it off, you think? Yeah, I think he did it. He was involved in the inside at

that time. At the inside, I see. As always, of course, we are broadcasting live on our YouTube channel, our Twitch stream, and on Twitter, via Periscope, of course. See, right here, I'm telling you, look at this right away. Tessa. That's it.

I'd be here for a hot talk podcast. Yeah, so would I. It would be awesome. I mean, like, how many episodes you're thinking? Like, the first, the thing is you'd really have to keep it short, because we could do hours on it but you want to spread it out one for every every hot dog you eat you know and eventually you try all the kinds you know and then eventually circle back to nathens or Hebrew National or something and then we we you reappraise them in light of all the other hot dogs

what if you do all of them one at a time ketchup and then you go all then you have to go back and do mustard oh that's like hot dog condiment by condiment podcast people and they're anti-c ketchup bullshit on the hot dogs. Thank you. I like both. I like both. It depends on my mood. I go either or.

At the same time, though? That's terrorism. No, I do it separately. Oh, no. Well, ketchup, little mustard on the hot dog. Now we're having a party. You have it a threesome. I can make, it makes more sense to have the mustard and the ketchup.

I can't imagine ketchup below. I want to go to a hot dog cart guy. Yeah, I'll take a three-sip with onions. What? That's what I call a hot dog with ketchup. Cut you with mustard. Don't you love that, like, this is October. Yeah.

This is like a Halloween-themed mailbag, and we're talking about hot dogs and hot beef still. Dude, I think, you know, the folks at home wouldn't have it any other way, first of all. But we can get to the letter reading here, and I can kick things off if that's cool with folks here. I'm not going to stop you. I might right. I might try. how far you get I'm closing some tabs here

who else that I'm just gonna you know I'm gonna turn into an grievance comic here who else hates this fucking new Gmail logo it's driving me crazy all day I honestly never never noticed it

oh come on no I didn't notice I'm cool with it you're cool with it because you know what Steve who could care I don't know you know add a little color into the day

why not I guess so. I guess so. Hey, Steve, do you like coffee-flavored coffee, too? Right? Is that true? Yes, I do. Is that good to hear? All right. You know what, guys?

Let's start the letter reading stuff. Let's read letters on the mailbag. Like, the crazies. Okay. The first letter here says, The Austin Powers Pill. Hello, WHM crew. One night many years ago.

A friend, let's call him Bob. all right i will stop by our apartment bob wasn't a particularly close friend but we'd known him for a few years and bob was neck deep into a serious pill problem oh no yeah yeah been there no way i'm not really pleasure no closest i've ever come to a pill problem is eating too many jelly beans in a row oh boy come on that's true they'd bump your stomach he'd uh he brought over a rented DVD

of Austin Powers in Goldmember oh stay tuned stay tuned stay tuned for me telling you how I fucking saw it in theaters I saw that there's course I did I mean it's 2000 whatever it was what was I doing yeah that's true I had absolutely nothing going on after a few beers a few tall glasses of water.

Me, my roommate, and Bob settled in to watch the absolute trash that is gold member. That's kind of the only way you can get into that movie is as fucked up as you could possibly. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Just so by the time it gets to the end where Danny DeVito

is playing mini-mee in the movie and like grabbing his crotch, like, you can laugh and feel okay about it. I don't remember any of that. The arc should be that you forget it within 15 minutes of ending it. Yes, that's what you want to aim for with your intoxication. That is the one and only time Michael Kane has played Austin Power's father, right?

Yes. I don't think he's not. I don't think he's in a series regular now. In The Last Witch Hunter, he's also playing Austin's own father. They didn't mention it, though. Yeah. Is that his character and Tenet, too? Yeah.

The same guy. I failed you, Master White. A failed Austin Power's shoe. I've found whatever John David Washington's doing in that movie I didn't see. Christopher Nolan wish he could turn back time to get the fucking gold member box office numbers on that one. There's an Austin Powers like walking into room

then there's three Austin Powers behind him walking around. Oh, wow. Let's see here. A few minutes into this terrible film, I can see out of the corner of my eye that Bob is staring at me unblinking with what I can only. describe as a death stare that would give you more give your mortal enemy but i'll take that again a death

stare you would give your mortal enemy before you stab them in the chest that's drugs man that's drugs you get heavy stares when you're in drugs exactly anywhere you go like it'll either about your laptop whatever's on your tv or at people eric had a good drug stare going there i caught that drug stare thank you i was practicing it last night that's that's not as good as his actual drug stare i will say sort of like steve's mushroom stare oh yeah i there it is that's exactly it it was steve seven days i think like chris cabin you remember my drug stare from that 7-11 in astoria queen yes yes you're your your fight with the icy machine was that the time you tried to give the guy change back like three times yeah yeah yeah he gave me the change back from something i just

bought and I was just like, no, I'm paying for something, man. You take it. That's for you. Finish it up. I think I've told this before in the air, but it went back and forth a few times to the point of which the guy just started, burst out laughing. Was this the one on 30th Avenue?

Yes. Yeah, I think that's the same one. I may, and I can never confirm it because I was alone in blackout drunk, may have been in that 7-Eleven with my shirt off. May have been in that 7-Eleven with my shirt. So, wait, are you sure you've been in a 7-Eleven with your shirt off? You just don't know which one.

That's right. Okay. That's exactly right. That's good to know. I try to brush it off, but it's way too unsettling. So I try to break it up with a friendly, hey, buddy, everything good over there. He kind of snaps out of it and mumbles, what is this shit? Why are we watching this?

I answer, it's Austin Powers. You brought it over. after a few minutes of Michael Kane debasing himself. Yeah, exactly. I mean, if I was on any kind of drug and all of a sudden I hear, I love God! I would immediately run.

Like, I'd have to run somewhere. I don't know where. He's like nine people in that movie. It's great, man. The more you could get at a mic, oh, the guy's a genius. Guy is a genius. Also, bring it back. We want to bring it back, right?

Isn't that, isn't it happening already? I think it is going to happen for sure. But that's been happening for 15 years, you know. Leave it dead. I think, you know, Austin Powers instead of Shrek, like 20 years of Austin Powers, I would take that over Shrek. Yeah, I mean, that's tough. Oh, shit.

Here's the thing, because, like, I feel like we got so old that, like, it was easier to ignore Shrek. Yeah. I don't know that we'd be able to ignore Austin Powers sequels in the same way. The first Austin Powers is still a very funny movie. in my opinion. Yes. Okay. Okay. In from the internet ticker here from Josiah, no shirt of a 7-Eleven is pretty standard

in Tampa, Florida. That makes sense. I've been to Tampa and that sounds right. Yeah, I know where I can retire. So let's see here. Michael King, debasing himself. I feel that same horrible Charlie Mansonish stare coming back at me. My roommate is oblivious. Why is he saying gold like that?

I don't understand it. This is the toughest part of the situation. The fact that the roommate doesn't see what's going on. Oh, yeah. You're fucking just totally alone. That sucks. I offer another, Hey, Bob.

Is everything cool, man? He snapped out of it again with, this movie fucking sucks. What is this? I say, again, this is Austin Powers. You rented it from the store and you brought it over to our apartment.

And yeah, it really sucks. Is that Beyonce? Oh, right? Oh, I forgot. She's in that movie. Yeah. At this point, you take Bob's keys and just be like, yo man, you want to take a nap? Yep. Yeah, exactly.

Here, you can sleep in our bathtub. I have an extra kitchen. Really quick here, we got to stop. the whole program. What is cabin drinking? Oh, I've just drinking green tea. I'm very, very

lame. No, that's code for meth. My meth drink. Oh, yeah, meth tea. This exchange and the horrible death stare continue to happen every 10 to 15 minutes. Why didn't I get up and leave? Who knows? But it was a Tuesday night in 2003

and I definitely had nothing better to do. I was a little bigger than but I still didn't want to get sucker punch by a maniac. I guess he was Bob's big boy. Oh, excellent, Austin Powers tie in. Finally, with 20 minutes

left in the film, Bob drunkenly announces this movie's stupid. I'm taking the DVD and getting out of here. I am so relieved and immediately say, no problem, and jump up to grab the DVD and help him get the hell out.

Then my roommate yells, hey, I'm still watching this. You can't leave yet. Just let me finish the movie. What an asshole. I think if that's the case, motherfucker, you want to watch this gold member so bad, you volunteer to take that back to the video store. I mean, you know there's going to be a good cameo at the credits.

Come on, guys, you just know it. So come on, let's do it. What about the Stinger scene? Is he going to get his mojo back or what? Is it a, is it John Travolta playing Austin Powers in that one or the second? one. I forget. He plays gold member at the end of the movie. It's Tom

Cruz. Tom Cruise's Austin Powers. Ah, I got you. That it's funny because he's so sexy. Right. Oh, right. Yeah. And Austin Powers is not sexy at all. Yeah, baby. This is the best line of the email. I wanted to punch

them both in the face. We sit down, the movie ends, and Bob drives off. Oops. I have no idea what has become of him, but hopefully he cleaned up and never stabbed anybody thanks for all the good times and good laughs have any of you ever been actively menaced while trying to watch a movie signed jesse and brooklyn no it just but this sort of reminds me just of like my more drug days of like go into people's houses that

i barely knew to smoke pot and then all of their friends would show up that like i had like sort of tangential relationships with like oh yeah whose names i couldn't tell you under threat of torture right now. And then like sometimes these people will die. And then like my real friend will be like, oh shit, Ted died. I'm like, yeah. And it's like, he was always around, you know?

It's like, oh, was he the guy with the hat or the guy who like was hanging out with the guy with the hat? No, he was the fat guy that was hanging out with the guy with the hat. He didn't have a hat. He didn't just a fat guy. Oh, wait, that one night he did have a hat. Oh, shit. This turns everything off. Being menaced like in private trying to

watch a movie, that's like watching a movie my mother because she's like talking through the whole thing and asking questions and whatnot. But, you know, I've been menaced in public trying to watch movies. Oh, sure. You know, I've told the story on the air about I was trying to watch Harry Potter 5 and there were like kids talking

and my friend just yelled, shut the fuck up and then those dudes were like turned around to us. They were like immediately right in front of us and they were like, after this movie, we're going to fucking kill you. Well, they did a great job, huh? well that was the thing

the other detail left out was we were watching the movie on the upper east side so it was just a bunch of fucking little rich rich boys oh yeah I was assaulted at the theater once I saw Guardians of the Galaxy that movie remember that yeah I do yeah it was at the old starring starring the internet's most unpopular

Chris apparently the worst Chris I kind of agree with that but anyway it was at the Ziegfeld great theater long dawn The row in front of me, you know, you could say they're comic book fans. You could see it. This is bad. You hate these people.

Well, no, no. They farted throughout the entire movie. No. Non-stop. And the smell was quite unbearable. Actually, that's funny. I almost got in a fight with kids at that theater, too. Oh, farting?

No, not farting. It was some little bastard was there when, that's where we saw Iron Man 2, I think it was. And this little turd was like kicking my seat and whatnot. And I like turned around and it was trying to give the like, eh, eh, like to the parent. Like, why don't you fucking do something about this? Nothing.

No action taken. You never, it's never going to happen. Thankfully, it was a shit movie. So it's like totally fine. But you can't be fucking with people at the movies, man. Just sit there and behave. I've said something. about my friend, my teenage, teenhood friend, Wayne.

You have a teenage friend? No, they're teenage at the same time. J.D. Salinger cabin. Back in the 90s, Eric. And his mother would not let him go out with his girlfriend at the time without somebody else. And I newly had a driver's license. Oh, man, chauffeur cabin. So he would always beg me to go on, like, go see movies with him so they could make out in the theater.

And I was like, no, man, I don't want to do that. And then, like, like, once he paid me and I did it. Oh, man. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. How much money are we talking about? Ten bucks. And, but he begged like a dog. Well, because he did.

He kept out doing it. And then he finally did it again. I was like, fine, fine, fine, fine. So we did it for a mouse hunt. So then I'm sitting next to these people while they're viciously making out at Mouse Hunt, the delightful Christmas romp where they chase the CGI mouse around a house with Nathan Lane. This is where you don't have to sit next to each other is the idea. It's like, okay, I'll drive you, you know, the auspices are fine.

I had a seat buffer. It was still, I was still getting some vibrations. No, Cabin, you should have sat in the fucking back like you were their dad, dude. I guess so. I mean, I guess so, but I was like thinking that like broadly at the time. oh my god you saying that just reminding me of something cabin a mutual friend of ours no names on the air sure i will never forget this now wow oh i wish i cherish this memory now that it's come back to you he went on a date we were in like we were maybe like first year in high school or something like that

he goes on a date with his girl but his dad had to give him a ride to the theater unbeknownst to our friend uh the the mother and sister were in a separate car also came to the theater the father the mother and the sister all went into the theater after our friend and his lady friend went in sat behind them like a few rows and heckled this kid during the screening i just would have i would have wanted to die madness complete madness um someone points out at least it wasn't schindler's list like seinfeld i mean yeah you know if you got to make out in a movie, I guess, like, mouse traps pretty okay? Or mouth hunt.

Still a little weird. Somebody said mouth hunt earlier and made me chuckle. Credit work credits do. Yeah, there it is. You'll never survive. Were you going to do it? I don't know you do it, please. You'll never survive.

Mouth hunt. Yeah, no, I would not survive Mouth Hunt, actually. This is really unprofessional. Give me one second. Okay. Oh, Steve's Chinese food is here. I guarantee it. Now, in the meantime, folks, someone says, seeing Mouse Hunt with my dad on Christmas at the Cross County Center in Yonkers, actual nice holiday memory.

There you go. So not everyone got Mouse Hunt ruined, cabin. Oh, that's nice. Oh. Do you try to have the mailbag without me? We actually did. That's why we did it on a fucking CIA plane. This plane will crash.

You know, I'm not going to do this to you, Bain, because I, you know, I always appreciate a good bit. But with this new setup, oh, I can just mute your microphone, Bain. Oh, now no one can hear Bain. Wow, this is just like the debate tonight. Yeah, there you go. That is right. I'm voting, I'm writing in Bain, which is basically throwing in my vote in the garbage. It's true.

I am, by the way, an American citizen, if you can believe it. It was very painful to become an American citizen. All right, let's move on here. Who's got the next? I'll take the next one. You and up, dude. Okay. Oh, hang on a second.

I'm sorry. In from Twitch, this is outrageous. I got a partial blow job during Wallace and Gromit, Curze of the Wear Rabbit. That shit don't mix. Yeah, yeah. You should be doing that. Well, you know, that is actually sexual crimes because there are clearly children in the audience. What is a partial blowjob, by the way?

Oh, that's a, it's a mouth hunt. Yeah. That's what the mouth hunt is. Yes, that's true. Remember, Kurtz, one time we partook in mushrooms and you put Wallace and Gromit on and I'm still recovering. Yeah, you were not pleased with that choice. What the fuck were you thinking, Cabin? I wasn't thinking.

I was thinking about the universe. I wasn't thinking about. Wait, so you're saying the decision to put the movie on happened after the shrooms kicked in. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay, fair enough. No, I apologize.

Well, well, well, well into the trip. What time in the hole in which I grew up, I found mushrooms and ate them, and I got a partial blowjohn from myself. Wait, so, Bain, what was your first mouth hunt? it was giving a partial blow job if i mouth hunt you will you die i yeah who was mouth hunting you was it a snake or like what was in the cave it was an old fat convict okay okay uh all right take us away chris cabin okay uh where's the big labowski um hey gang i have been wanting to

write into the mailbag with this story for a while about my favorite celebrity in counter. Nice. For the setup, this was back in 2002. My friends and I live in Missouri near St. Louis. One of our friends was getting married.

So on his bachelor party, we took him out for dinner. Then across over to East St. Louis, as Homer Simpson would say, is there any other St. Louis? If you don't know, the East Side is technically in Illinois, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And it is home to the racetrack, horse track, and of course, several strip clubs. Well, Hang on. Thanks for riding in. Good, good to know. I almost, I yada yotted and then did it anyway because I noticed the race track and all the information is kind of interesting. But here's my question. What's the difference between a racetrack and a horse track?

Are we talking like car racing racetrack? I mean, I still, I don't they have like still dog tracks going? Oh, I mean, maybe you can say the dog track then. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Yeah. I mean, you know, we grew up near Saratoga Cab and if you say the race track to me, I'm thinking about horse race. Well, that, yeah, me too, but I don't know. I mean, who knows what they have?

Maybe they have, like, Jaguar racing up there. Oh, sick. That would be nice. Probably not. Probably expensive. I'll say that. It is probably very expensive. Mouse racing.

That's that possibility. Mouth racing. Hell yeah, dude. Is that your new plan for world domination, Bain? Is mouth racing? Well, go on. Go on, Bain. We're waiting.

I, well, it hit me just the right way, mouth racing. My plan for world domination is to give us many partial blow jobs until everyone is fed up and commits mass suicide. Well, I think they would, they would kill themselves because once they put their thing or whatever into your fucking man, you know, the metal and the, the gears. Don't worry, that's the only time this mask comes off. Oh, my God. I wish I was dead. So you give a partial blowjob, but it's extremely painful. Yes.

To you, it's painful. Right. Because it's all, like, messed up on you, right? He's got a fractured face be on there. Oh, yeah. It's very disgusting. Very hard for all the mouth fucking. Oh, Christ Almighty.

Let's continue if we could. Sure. We were about to leave our first club. And while we were trying to get everyone together in the front lobby before moving on, uh, as we waited for one of us to come out of the bathroom, John Goodman walks in with a couple of guys. Now we're talking.

We were immediately starstruck plus drunk. Sure. So we didn't approach him. We yelled as he walked by, uh, our, our friends getting married. Uh, Mr.

Goodman didn't kill them, which was his right, uh, stopped, look at. looked at the bachelor and crossed his arms across his chest saying good luck on the ex as he walked by wow good luck on the ex john goodman not a fan of marriage john goodman got into it early that night sounds like day drinking to me that's like funeral drinking oh been there uh the

The bachelor was dumbfounded. He kept saying, wow, John Goodman said good luck on the wedding. It became almost a chant or mantra. We let it go for a while, but finally kept correcting him and repeating what Goodman actually said. Oh, man, this guy's trying to fucking kid himself. Like, oh, John Goodman wished me good luck. Oh, no, he did it. No, no, Walter, Walter said it was a good thing.

Walter said it was a good. I love Walter, and he said it was King Ralph told him to go, fuck. yourself essentially. No, he did it. Dan said blessed an event. Dan Conner thinks you're a loser. That's coming from

Dan Conner. Of all people. By the way, you know, I'm still getting the Connors in the hole in which I live, and I cannot believe that show is still on the air.

I got to tell you, I almost call them Dan Connor. John Goodman's lost like a little too much weight for my taste. I don't know if they did like a fucking when vegan thing or something. Fuck that. Get on our hot dog podcast. Someone annoyed John Goodman. Tell them to talk hot dogs with us. I just want them to be all right, man. That's all I'm saying. But the thing with the Connors now is Katie Seagall is in it. So now it has to run for at least six seasons. Yep. That's the rule whenever Katie Seagull comes onto your show. I run for six seasons. That's what happened with that Ritter sitcom, right? Yeah. And sons of anarchy. They're like,

got to do it oh she wasn't on from the jump sons of that was on from the jump sons of anarchy oh i see what you're saying yeah like whatever she arrives no matter what just turn the conners into a motorcycle drama yes i think that makes more sense they're trash they're trying to sell drugs yeah it would be like the uh it'd be like the landford nights yeah i remember the town that rosan took place in the connor The Conners are going over to Ireland to meet the Irish Connors for some reason. I fucking love that they killed

her off for this, the Conners though. What happened? She'd explode? They made her fucking OD on pain pills. Yeah. That's tough. Yeah, they straight up fucking killed Roseanne Conner. Okay. That's not the weirdest part of the encounter. The friend

that was in the bathroom came out just as Goodman walked by. So all he saw was his back, but he flipped out, he ran back into the club, and drunkenly cornered a waitress at the bar, and Convo went like this. Oh, God. Where's the big Lebowski?

He's in the VIP section. I want to buy him a shot. Mr. Goodman doesn't drink shots. Well, I want to buy him a beer. Yikes. Mr. Goodman already has a drink. Our friend says, I'm going to go find him and takes off in what can

only be described as a skip run through the club. Mr. Goodman wishes you were dead. No, Mr. Gubman does not know you exist. A skip run through the club while in a high-pitched

voice screaming, the Big Laspi! So the Big Lopowski. Oh, that's embarrassing. Yeah, this is getting bad. It was really sad. He just, this appeared for about 10 minutes and we moved out to the parking lot so we wouldn't get any blowback from any bouncers or law enforcement. That's a good plan. Smart move. Depending on which

state you're in annoying John Goodman is a crime. Yeah, dude, you become a felon. I believe so, yeah. You're near Illinois. You said, yeah, you're definitely going up. He came out looking to press saying he couldn't find him. Well, thank God for that at least. And in case you were wondering, yes, he did get divorced. The friend or John Goodman? The friend that John Goodman said was going to have an act. Oh, man.

John Goodman is like a psychic. He can see what, like he picks up on the vibes going out there, man. John Goodman shook his hand and said, the ice is going to break, Roseanne. He also calls everyone Roseanne. Thanks for the laughs. that I hope you make it to STL

if live shows ever returned Jason and I made sure to include the okay to read on air. Yeah, I do appreciate that. That's fucking great. Yeah, I mean, here's the thing. I mean, don't bother people, obviously. But like, I don't know, man.

Don't bother people as big as John Goodman. Absolutely not. No, no, no. Like, there's one thing being told, like, go fuck yourself, get away from me. And then, like, go fuck yourself, get away from me. And I'm a massive John Goodman beating you up. be terrified yeah i wouldn't like that uh i'm gonna leave now i think because it's hard to breathe and i'd like to drink more there you go goodbye america adios bain by bain

bain everybody bain bain everybody come on sound off in the chat thank god he's gone oh god now he's not here anymore thank god i'm so glad steve reassured us multiple times that he lost that mask Yeah, no. I lost the mask, but Bainz showed up. It's so crazy. Oh, so he found it. He found it. Interesting. It's interesting that I'm friends with a liar. It's called professional showmanship. You wouldn't have the greatest surprise on your face. I understand. It was excitement on my face. It's true. It did fill everyone with joy. Yeah, no dread. No dread. Thank you for that small piece of of happiness in an otherwise trying time.

Was Bain here? He was. Did you not just see him in the hallway? What were you blacked out? You hit your head pretty hard, dude. I see some blood on your shirt. Oh my gosh. I got a, oh my God.

I had no idea of the Bain was here. Go lay down. Take a nap. Yeah, you look a little red in the face, Steve. I would say, yeah, take it easy. Don't be, you know. Don't do too much. Bain, I just keep missing that guy.

He seems really cool. I'd like to hang out with him. I wish you would tell great jokes all the time. If you see him, if you actually get to talk to him, you should do some mouth stuff with him. He was talking about this thing called mouth racing. If you talk to him soon, you should ask him about it. Was that Diddy Kong racing game?

The Diddy Kong mouth racing? I forget. Diddy Kong mouth racing? Do you fly a plane and do a boat? It's when you swirl your tongue around really fast. actually Steve I will say that I totally fell for it because right before we went on the air you mentioned that you had ordered Chinese food yeah and your delivery of oh hang on oh sorry I got this is totally unprofessional I fucking I don't know if you heard me but I was like oh Steve is your Chinese food here I totally fell for it dude that's upwards of $3,000 worth of improv lessons finally paying on it works I didn't see I didn't I didn't expect it hey man Better late than never. Cheech Marin, Ghostbusters, too.

All righty, who's got the next one? I do. This is my dinner with Batman. Or just because I rewatched the Simpsons episode yesterday, it'll be more exciting than a dinner, than having dinner with Batman. Hi, funny people. That's everyone but me.

I got a divorce about six years ago. A lot of divorce tonight. Bummer, yeah. Either sorry to hear it. or you know what? Forget her. You're better than her. You're better than she. Yeah. Or he. Crying emoticon or L-O-L-L.

Yeah. There's a crying or cry-l laughing emoticon, depending. I'm still confused. They're sitting a letter to a Judd Apatow movie? Yes. Yes. I got a divorce about six years ago and jumped onto some online dating sites, apps about a year later just to see what was

out there. I'm 44 now with an 8-year-old daughter. At this time, she was about three. So now I have to do the math and say that you were 39. Thanks for making it complicated. Oh, man. Wow. Bain wasn't this early. Yeah, I wish Bain was back here being nice. Seriously.

Cabin, cabin, shut the fuck up. He could, I mean, I could call him if anybody wanted. Oh, I thought you didn't know him. Now your story's crumbling like a house of cards. Wait, let's see how he improvs his way out of this one. I started talking to this guy who I'm

going to call Jack, who was Who is also divorced. Yes, and give me money. Who is also divorced, had four kids. Jesus Christ. Seemed nice and funny enough. We were chatting about our interests, and he said he was really into Batman. All right.

That's a later on kind of conversation that you're really into. I mean, we'll see. What for you? I didn't think much of it at the time. I usually explain that I love, I usually explain that I love horror and anything horror related what I put my interests out there

so I just chalked up to this guy enjoying his pop culture interests in one of the pictures of his profile he was wearing a Batman hat and in another a Batman t-shirt okay no real red flag there sort of an orange one though don't you think the ice

Mike I just have this image of her like coming back to a picture and like seeing like there's also a Batman towel in this picture and also a Batman shower curtain. Oh, no. Oh, no. Enhance. Enhance. Oh, my God. That's Batman's stationary.

By Matt Matt sucks. After a couple of weeks, we decided to meet for lunch. Good idea. Lunch is very low-key, liced it bright out. It's like trying to prepare for a vampire meeting. You want to start early in the day when the sun is high. Right. And also, you have an automatic out because you had lunch and, uh-oh, I got to get home and make dinner. after a couple weeks we'd say I pull up and we got out of our cars he gives me a hug

et cetera he was okay nice enough whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa hug et cetera I mean I just hug how you doing I mean that hug and then a partial blow job I don't think that's where we're going I don't think that I was checking in on man you know no mouth hunting

nice enough something immediately told me this is going to be a one time meeting I couldn't put my finger on why while we were eating sequel to While You Were Sleeping With While We Were Eating Oh man, yeah While we were eating

Dude, what could have gone on then? Yeah, Peter Boyle Hey, while you were eating I don't know, I'm in your house, I'm doing stuff I'm part of your family It's also Christmas Did you know that Masticating is another word for eating?

You never earned it before, huh? It's pretty interesting. You want to sell furniture Whatever the fuck we do in that movie? While we were eating, I asked him, about how his evening went the night before and he said he'd watched a movie with his daughter

I said something like oh cool that's nice and he said well the whole time I was thinking I'd rather be hanging out with Christina who I assume is her yeah yes unless he's being a real asshole okay strike one because rude dad dating dads

if you say this type of thing it makes a person dating in parentheses dating dads if you say this sort of thing and it makes the person your dating feel good the person you're dating feel good the person you're dating is a sociopath. Don't say things like this to a fellow single parent to try to impress them. Sounds about right.

Coming up next after the ball game, it's the Fox season premiere of the hit comedy Dating Dads. Yeah, these dads are going on dates. One of them loves Batman. Couple of dads stepping out on the town talking about Batman, putting their foot in the water up next on all

new dating dads. Two people go in, two people come out. That doesn't make any sense. It's called your dating associate. sociopath next on Fox. Manningly is on second. Sorry. So as we continue, a forced conversation, he starts peppering

into the discussion how he identifies as Batman. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, no, no, nope, nope, nope, no. Steve, can you tell us your side of the story here? I don't know. Excellent. I mean, you were there, right?

I was not there. I don't identify as Batman. Okay? just his friend just his friend a good pal uh the first couple of comments

I thought okay ha ha that's quirky about his favorite he's quirky about his favorite character but he keeps talking and it took a strange turn even stranger than that question mark he told me that when he makes hotel reservations or has to call places to give his name

he gives places the last name Batman oh my god this is tragic he said that his last name started with a bee and it sort of looked like batman so when he signs his name he signs it no jack batman i mean is it jason baitman she's dating is that what's happening uh when jack batman oh my god how are you doing jack batman yeah i'm uh i'm a jack batman

the middle of fucking christ who took this president okay fine uh table for four for jack batman no sir i can't put the the bat signal in your guineas with the tap i can't do that that's a weird trick i can only do the shamrock well why not it's my name i'm jack batman i understand that sir

but i'm only we're only taught the shamrock in poor and school I'm Jack Batman When he goes to arrest Mr. Batman, there's a phone phone call for you Mr. Batman, it's your father he's sick. Wait, hold on, I don't know Batman's father was dead. Interesting.

He jumps out the window. Oh, dude, maybe this guy killed his parents. Oh, Matt's parents are dead. I'm Jack Batman. I'm sorry, Mom and Dad. I'm going to fucking give you carbon monoxide poisoning so I could become Jack Batman.

This is a great story about one of the Menendez brothers. Jack Batman, that's like a great Todd Salon's character. Oh, my God. This is the best thing that's happened to me in weeks. When he goes to a restaurant to give his name, that name is Batman. He was not joking. He was as serious as a heart attack. He said that he identified with Batman because something in his childhood

and how he feels close, and how he feels he is the closest thing to Batman in, real life something in his childhood so this dude's parents were murdered but yeah maybe uh or maybe he just latched on to popular culture too much and suddenly you find yourself dressing like this here's the really odd part the really odd part uh he was a contractor and he had previously had a bad accident at work that resulted in several of his teeth being knocked out so he had to wear some dentals uh dental partials uh false teeth he was so worried about uh i would be turned off by this he said a lot of people don't like it and it made himself conscious about dating that's a sad

story he sort of went on and on about how he was trying really hard to get them fixed and his whole this whole process he was going through as if he was trying to make me feel better about it all i could think about is how i would never judge a person over something like this and why he thinks this is an issue that is going to be bother me when he spent half of the this lunch talking about how he's Batman. I had so much anxiety during this short date. It felt like ours. I kept

picturing people dealing with this person in society such as a restaurant host or host of saying Batman Party of Four. There we go. Do you bet? Go ahead, Eric. Well, here's the thing. You've got to keep dating him because he's the world's greatest detective

and he's going to find you and then you got a stalking back. Yeah, but if he's the world's greatest detective, dude, then it's going to be him solving your murder. Also he wakes up with his bloody hands and he's like wow, how did this happen? It turns out he did it. I would just love

it if like he's like he's about to get kicked out of like a restaurant or a bar and he's like, what are you going to do? Call the police. I know the commissioner. I also love that he lied to her. He's like, oh yeah, I was watching a movie with my daughter last night and I kept being like, man,

wish I was hanging out with Christina bullshit you're like man wish this was a Batman movie I wish I was hanging out with Batman which was hanging out with Christina Applegate man why is it Batman in Frozen you think

Batman could be in the next Ninja Turtles or that actually happened though they did happen you know what do you think about Christina I think the state's going well what do you think about dressing like Catwoman I mean

you're like maybe if you wanted to like poison Ivy but uh that's is that's it one of the other so you're saying batman and the ninja turtles together two great tastes combined yes yeah what was this one of your cartoon movies yeah uh yeah it was the phantasm you keep talking about or no you know what god damn it you should just watch that you know what we're gonna have to come into the show steve so he just does it it's gonna happen so which one is this max max of the phantasm two is that when the ninja turtle show up No, it's just one of those, like, they did a comic of it, and then they, like, Warner Brothers churns out these, like, you know, like, direct adaptation animated movies that are always, like, direct to streaming of, like, varying quality.

And I think they made one of that Ninja Turtle Batman thing. And they do, like, all, like, they did the Superman Red Sun. Yep, that was just... Starline as an animated one. I think Steve's about the tube and... No, I... My computer was unplugged, and Bain had nothing to do with it. But yeah, I mean, those things, I don't know.

I checked out. I used to really get excited about those with those who'd come out. And then none of them kind of made me excited. Yeah, I kind of checked out at that Batman goes to feudal Japan shit. Yeah. That was just not for me. Was that a time machine? Yeah, some sort of time tunnel.

And like the Joker goes back in time, but he lands farther in the past than Batman. So he's at all this time to, like, build up this empire. It is fucking interesting. Dom is donkey shit. Ninja Turtles also went to feudal Japan, right? They did. Part three. Do they combine forces in that one? I don't think so, no.

No, they did not. It's a present day set. Okay, I have a king, nutsway, room for you for two nights. Is there anything else like I do for you, Mr. Batman? We politely parted, we parted politely in the next day. He thankfully made a sexually aggressive comment that I didn't feel was overly. Suggestive comment. Oh, sexually suggestive comment that I didn't think was over.

overly appropriate based on our context so far so it gave me an out to let him know that I wouldn't be continuing to hang out with him excellent uh yeah you want to see them a battering or whatever fucking nightmare nonsense dude I mean like getting the backseat of the Batmobile baby

do you think he was he got divorced because he identified as Batman or he was he after the divorce he's like I guess I'm Batman now I think I could see him going after just going full hog into it at yeah yeah yeah it was kind of like he really loved Batman and like

his like maybe he was like spending too much money on like rare comics or something she finally had enough kicked his ass out and then it was just like Batman did this but now I'm Batman his Pearls incident is like his wife after they signed the divorce papers throwing them in joy on the fucking like steps of the fucking courthouse look Tom you cannot sign it Batman

I just legally I need to be divorced for you after that you can sign whatever you want Batman but the divorce papers have to be your legal name it's also possible that we're giving Batmany is so much too much credit though you know what I mean like

he could have just texted her like you know something like really just gross oh no for sure I'm sure he's an asshole I mean he's a picture of himself tubin you know exactly blah blah gave me an out I feel bad his man clearly had some mental health issues and I don't want to make fun of that

Well, too late, you just fucking threw some meat the goddamn hyaena cage here. Because we're tricking us. Now I feel terrible. It's no, yeah, it's no laughing matter. There's many people that have waynitis out there. Yes, it's an important thing to know. Go fund me for people who think that they're Batman.

A get away from me instead of a go fund. I like it. I didn't want to make fun of that. But it was by far the oddest day I've ever been on. love to know if you guys have ever had any seriously severely awkward dates, experiences with people who took fiction too seriously, et cetera, et cetera. Stay healthy and stay safe.

And thank you for all that you do, Christina. I mean, I haven't had any severely awkward dates like that. I had an awkward date. It was a double date and it was awkward because the other doubler was Chris Cabin. That's the mouthman prophecies. Yeah, that was the bad date.

Oh, did you say the mouth man prophecy? He takes down bridges. He gives partial blow jobs on bridges and they fall down. I was on a okay to keep a date once and I was like really into improv at the time and I remember

really losing the girl I was with immediately when I said it and it was just like no. And I kept like pushing it because that was like my whole identity at the time and it was just like and then we could you know if you want they're doing a really cool show at UCB like 20 minutes. He's like, I have to leave.

Oh, man. That's got it. Steve's question. Did you go to that UCB show? Absolutely. You're actually reminding me, Steve, of just saying UCB and then that dude saying he was Batman and has nothing to do with dating. But I remember doing like a class show at UCB and it was literally a scene about like, you know, it was like some domestic thing maybe with like a husband and wife. for like a father and daughters I don't remember what it was but it was like

a totally grounded like nothing scene and it barely started and this dude that was on the team thought like he'd mix it up and came into the scene which was just like a house like this guy just walked in and was like

hi how's it going and it was like oh you know I think I said like hi son or something like that and he goes hi I'm Batman actually and I was like well this is doomed absolutely doomed and you're paying $475 bucks to experience that shit

oh mercy yikes uh all right that's that's that story thank you any other uh yeah I mean come on cabin you have to have something you have humiliated yourself in some way

and this is a dating thing we're talking yeah we're talking about dating or all my dates were successful or how about this but not dates how about experiences with people who took fiction too seriously I remember one time we went to one of those like

ye old New England kind of exhibits where like the people are like in character the whole time we were in like middle school so we were fucking total jerkoffs and you know we were trying to try to get them to like break the character and they weren't doing it and I just realized like what a horrible job that has to be

because there's like 10,000 of me coming to you like every tourist season trying to get you to fucking talk about cell phones. And it's like, Salem, Massachusetts, or wherever we were. I had a date with, I was on another date with a girl, and she was telling me about how she, this actually was a bit too much for me.

She was talking, it was like a lunch day. It wasn't a real serious. Lunch date, that's where it's safer. Exactly. And it was like, you know, feeling each other out. And she's like, yeah, you know, I just came back from New Zealand. I'm like, oh, that's really cool. Like, that's a neat thing to do. And she's like, yeah, I went to all the sights of Lord of the Rings. And if you go at a

certain mountain you could see the bolts from where the stages were and she was like and i like those movies are kind of fun have a nice life yeah well you know at least it's a nice country to travel too oh absolutely competent leader all that good stuff andrew you jogged my memory of you know comparing with the whole like um reenactor type of thing when i was i think it was the summer between high school and college. I was hired by Paul Monez, who you might know as the villain

from Tough Turf James Spader. So what happened to him is he eventually started running a fucking summer camp in upstate New York in the Catskills area and he hired me budding film person or whatever

to film what his camp was doing to put together some type the real to maybe try to attract more people to come or whatever and maybe sell the footage. I mean, no one would ever want that. But it was a live action role-playing camp. And I was paid money to just walk around and film these kids LARPig. Okay. You know, and I had the camera.

And one of these camp counselors once cornered me, an elf, by the way. Oh, you got cornered by an elf, dude. He's like, you are ruining the magic. by being there with a camera but your boss is paying me to be here with the camera to ruin the magic well I guess you wanted you to do like you know be like oh I have an enchantment

spell this is a fucking thing that's doing it oh yeah you should have fucking decorated it or disguised it or something you'd put a bunch of nerve around it you know yeah you guys got that a B roll or what what are you talking oh no I mean we digitized and handed over I don't know whatever happened

to it but that guy go to jail for nefarious reasons out of curiosity? I never followed up. I got to tell you, dude, you run a camp like that. It's just saying, super slow.

This sounds eerily similar to heavyweights, the Jet Appetow thing where they're making a camp documentary. You caught me. Is that what you were just doing it? I was just saying the plot of heavy weight.

No, no, no, no. I knew it. I knew it. No, no, this is real. This happened. don't tell him it didn't happen he saw it happen that's right here's the question eric from kid in the hall what were they larping um wizards and elves and shit like before i cared about that stuff now i do as an older man i read the fantasy novels

and like oh yeah but then i i couldn't care less and uh interesting experience i got yelled at by an elf how big was the elf he was that was a six-foot elf man oh shit dude yeah he was like my he was my height maybe two or three inches taller so he's probably like six two probably six three maybe okay that's like those bright elves yeah dude this guy he and he was thin too he looked like an elf i'll give it to him i would be like uh shit i would be very scared oh fuck i'm ruining the magic oh no the magic not the magic i remember being like viscerally angry on the inside oh of course I'm a fucking son of a bitch. Anyway. Do you want to do the last one here, buddy?

The illustrated guide to getting down. Now, I should say this is the last letter of the evening, so folks across the various platforms, get ready for the Q&A, get your cues ready to ask away. Yes, yes. Ask your questions soon enough. But first, the illustrated guide to getting down by Jeffrey Toobin. Come on.

Hey, guys. Love the recent Cool World episode. That movie is trash, but your discussion reminded me of a story from a few years back. This is possibly the high point or the low point of my career. I'm not sure which one. All right. Maybe we can help them figure it out. Help them figure it out. Growing up, I was always the kid in the class who liked to draw. I was raised on a healthy diet of comics and sci-fi and desperately wanted to draw comics for a living. Been there. Failed at that. That was before improv. Yes. Oh, definitely. After four years of ridiculously overpriced art school, I've been there.

What the fuck was I thinking? I struggled to find paying work as an illustrator. I worked for a few failed gaming companies and illustrated a couple of children's books. Devant art and its furries were a constant joke from my friends meet me too yeah and i swear i'd never draw sexy stuff for money quote unquote sexy stuff for money until i didn't have any oh i was approached by a company who produced sex-based card games and i drew some rather silly illustrations for their games which turned out to be fairly successful well like nudie decks and whatnot i assume nudie decks that's like you know like a

it's like flux but you have sex while you're doing it kind of a thing. Or like a sedator with his thing hanging out. I have to say, you know, a monster. Having sex while laughing

hysterically isn't something that seems, that's not comforting to me. That's not, that's not something I've been through. You never did that? You ever had a good chuckle fuck, Chris? A chuckle fuck is fine.

A fine little chuckles, but like laughing hysterically, add a joke while fucking. Does being laughing? at ball naked count? I guess it would. Yes, it would, Steve. It will pay the bills. That's what I keep hearing.

All right. Now, where was I? I hesitated, well, mouth magic, the gathering. That is great, Tim. As they expanded, they approached me about drawing a fully illustrated sex guide. I was hesitant because I didn't want

my name associated with a sex. book. Gnome to plume. But the money was right, so I did it. At the time, I worked in a studio with a bunch of other digital artists, and the running joke was, guess what's on Josh's monitor? That's getting old really quickly. As it was something always very, very seriously.

NSFW. Hey, Josh, is that rimmin? Okay, Josh, come on. Is that ribbon? Come on, you can tell us. We're just fucking getting around. Is that ribbon? Yeah, I'm illustrating for the comic strip rimmin, all right?

That's hilarious. Email that to me, though. But email it to me, though, before you leave for sure. But that's fucking funny. Email it, though. I spent over a year illustrating 225 pages of sucking and fucking. Wow, 225 pages. That's pretty sweet.

I mean, you should be proud of this. See, definitely there was rimming in there. Yeah, of course. I mean, you've got to get to pages. It's got to be at least five pages, right? At a 225. What five pages of rim jobs? All right, 55.

That's too much. Well, rim jobs and long time rimming. You can't rim 55? Oh, yeah. My wife and I are long time rimmers. We've been rimming for 40 years now. On our first date, I ripped my then-girlfriend, soon-to-be wife.

See, traditionally, the rim job, it takes about 40 minutes for a traditional rim job. But if you're written long term, you can go for two hours of rimmed. When the book finally came out, thank God. Someone at the publisher had apparently sent Kevin Smith an advanced copy. That totally checks out. No surprises there whatsoever. I awoke into a bunch of messages from friends saying that he had tweeted about the book. I immediately jumped on Twitter to check it out.

His direct quote was, Oh, no. I am 40 years old and I yank it to drawings in sex is fun. Don't, by the way, don't isolate that audio. Okay, definitely. I definitely am not isolated. You know what I mean? Like when a book is coming out,

they'll send galleys to people to be. like to get a pull quote. You know what I mean? Oh, you know. Right. Yeah. This book is so amazing. It's the best book he's ever done.

Blah, blah, blah. I don't know. Did that happen to Kevin Smith and his poll quote was like, dude, you're totally jacked to this. You know what, man? I guarantee you that in some way or another is a selling strategy. I'm sure, yeah. So, so, Mark, Mark, you know, we're going to send these out to some celebrities.

Who do you think would jerk off to this? Kevin Smith. Kevin Smith, George Lucas. Paul Schrader. That sounds right. You know, Josh, your sex is fun book still pones my cock after I was. I just tried to remember that quote.

Thank you. Okay, so that he said, growing up in the 90s, I was a huge Smith fan, who wasn't? So to think that he had jerked off to my book left through mixed feelings. This is exquisite. It's not something 12-year-old

me imagined when I was watching me. all arrest. I wouldn't imagine so. I don't know. I don't know if he was being serious or not. Yes, he was. That dude is deathly serious about masturbation. Masturbation and toilets.

He's always very upfront about both things. Yeah, he's breaking both off, right? Okay, I don't know if he was being serious or not, but like I say, it's either a career high or a career low, just not sure which. The happy ending is that the book is decently successful and allowed me to put a down payment on our first house where my wife and I have lived, lived happily for many years. Holy shit. That's pretty cool. Like, I don't think we should do, dude, do more fucking suck fuck books.

Exactly, man. Totally. South rats. Come on. That's great. I'm enjoying multiple, multiple people said mouth. I am enjoying this. awesome this whole chat

functionality we got here absolutely okay so we already talking about the happy ending got it you can skip the rest of it actually Eric you want me to yeah is it too much

like blaster going on in here no no I mean do it if you want to Eric all right so they're being displayed on coffee tables etc I on the other hand never talk about it this the first time I've ever publicly mentioned it was here

on the mailbag. So look at that, an exclusive. There you go. Thanks for all the laughs. Keeps up the Lord's work. Thank you. The Lord sent us. That letter kind of poned my cock a little bit.

I'll be honest with you. What are you referencing? Kevin Smith, I think 10 years ago, made a tweet. Josh and St. Paul, by the way. Sorry. No. Made a tweet where I was like,

oh, me and my wife have been married for 10 years. she still poids my cock oh man that's thanks it was like the 10 year anniversary now long ago and it was like everyone was like oh people were sharing the thing from 10 years ago yeah it's a beautiful moment

all right so we got a few minutes left here you guys want to take some cues from the audience all right gang let's see what we got here everybody's been doing stuff like mouth bats and whatnot by the way these are a non cues that we're getting

So we've got some Q&ons coming in the chat. Yeah, yeah. Let's see what's going on. I'm just like, I'm scrolling through here. There's so much stuff about mouth rats, actually. That and all the fucking rimming shit just destroyed anyone who had posted a question. So there's that. So, all right.

So let's do this one. Hazel Stripe asks, what's your favorite David Lynch work? Whoops. I think Twin Peak Season 3 was pretty great for me. I was working at Showtime. I saw it early, and I was just very, I just loved getting to work on it in a very limited capacity of just distribution. But all of his work has been pretty great.

I also, I rewatch Lost Highway recently, and it held up way more than I expected. That's all it. Velvet, of course. Amazing. Yeah, so there's, I kind of love them all. I got to say Twin Peaks, probably. It's tough.

I want to say Twin Peaks to return because it is, especially the return. It's just, it's so long and so interesting and it's all him. It's like a fucking 15-hour movie, Harmony, hours it is. It's beautiful. I'm a big fan of Inland Empire. I always come back to that. That movie fucking scared the shit out of me like very few movies ever did in the theater. Really?

I got to go back. I thought it was pretty dull when I saw it. I really, really liked that movie when it came out. I'll say another one that I revisited when it went on Criterion. Fucking Mulholland Drive is awesome. Rules. I feel like, awesome, awesome movie.

I feel like nobody sticks up first, so I have to, I love his dune. I think it's amazing. Uh-huh. I was saying that the other day, and then I saw some other people agreeing. And I think with this new movie's coming out at some point next year, like, that the Lynch movie is going through a little bit of a reevaluation. The effects, the design, the performances, it's all like very, very, very, very, lynching and it really does give me a sense of what his Star Wars might have been if he had taken that

job it gives me a little bit of a hint i'm definitely going to revisit it i'm reading dune right now i'm almost halfway through the you know the first dune novel so after that i'm going to dive into that lynch movie again yeah i got i got to finish it i'm halfway through and i kind of checked out not on purpose it's just sort of like it's a lot the dune book i'm sorry okay yeah i don't know if you meant like you paused the movie. You're like, I'll come back to this movie at some point. Let's see here. Terrence asks, what's the weirdest place you've met a celebrity?

I once met Jason Alexander outside of Burger King in Budapest. All right. She must have clearly been coming out of the Burger King, right? Is that just like around? Like it wasn't like an in front of the Burger King? Yeah. Is that what you're asking? But this is crazy.

I mean, the dude was disposed. spokesperson for the DLT. I couldn't even remember the sandwich. So how dare he go to Burger King? That's fucking treason, dude. That is fast food treason. That tells you McDonald's fucking sucks, dude. That guy's getting it for free and he still won't eat it.

Yeah. Meeting a celebrity in a weird place, I don't know. Every time I look in the mirror. I had to, I worked at a planet fitness in college and the whole point of plan of fitness, especially this one used to be a gold's gym, and the idea

is like, you know, we don't want bodybuilder types, we don't want people slamming weights and throwing things down, making people feel uncomfortable, which is a noble pursuit in and of itself. But the idea is when a bodybuilder type person comes in, at least at the time, I'm not talking about company policy, you know, give them a tour,

but really let them know that, you know, our weight to only go up to here, we only do this, we don't have like heavy slamming air. This ain't in polite terms. And if they want sign up great sign them up but if not let them really know because you don't want to get a situation where they don't know and Devon Dudley

came in the of the Dudley boys and he was like he's doing an event or something and I had to give him a tour and I just had to be like I'm sorry Mr. Dudley I mean it was I didn't say that but like Dudley no I just had to be like hey man you know

I was really excited to see him you know I was a wrestling fan at the time I definitely knew who he was and I just had to be like yeah these is weights over here. They only go up to 50 pounds. You probably probably want a much more exciting gym that's not this piece of shit, right? Mr. Dudley. And we don't have any tables that you can throw people through. That's not allowed by the way. So you just pretend you're like terrible at your job. Exactly. We, uh, we have precisely one ladder and it's more for the janitor. Would you like to, would you like to spit on me, Mr. Dudley? Would you, before you leave,

would you like to spit on me a little bit? That's before the rat. show up. You don't want to come. You don't want to be. You don't want to be. The rats are crazy. I have a really weird one. If it's the one I'm thinking of, it's one of the greatest things that's ever happened to any of us. I forget if I've told this story on the air or not. But I was in Japan for my honeymoon. And I was walking up some steps to some ruin

as I was doing often in Japan with my wife, Sophia. and I'm going up and I got my head down and Sophia talk about something. I look up in front of me and I see this guy and he looks really familiar but I can't tell what it is at first but like he's got big eyes

and he keeps on kind of darting towards my direction. As I get closer, I notice it's Paul Giamatti. Walking down these stairs from this like, I think it was from a temple. and just kind of like looking at me like oh my god i thought it was like gone from all fat guys who i am and like i traveled three fucking continents and they're still fat guys bothering me they right he rightly saw me as an enemy uh and i did you know i did i didn't do anything

i just let him go but like he definitely was watching me until i passed oh man so he's giving you like the fucking stink eye too you should have been like hey Paul Gimani I just got married he'd be like yeah enjoy your new ex-wife but yeah I mean he had the uh yeah American splendor was fun to make can you bother me later

he's ready to go he's knew who I was I caught him that time I was online for concessions in Brooklyn to see Black Panther but that's not not the one that I was going to share one time I was walking in the village

and I was on like 6th Avenue I think and there was like an outside cafe area and fucking Peter Dinklage was there and I was looking at him this is before Game of Thrones but it was after Station Agent

that's the movie that he broke on right and I'd seen the movie and I'm staring at him and I couldn't remember right away like where I knew this guy from And I'm staring, I was like, who he was in something. Like, I knew he was an actor, but I couldn't remember.

And the whole time I'm just trying to think, like, station agent, station agent, station agent. And he just gave me, like, the dirtiest fucking look. Like, what is this creepy ass, like, long bearded, long-haired weirdo fucking staring at me when I'm trying to drink my tiny, like, espresso cup? And I didn't realize, like, I got it, like, right as I was passing. I'm like, oh, that was a guy from station agent. Yeah. And I kind of, like, did a this to just. just like confirm it.

And he was following, like he had followed me a little bit. Yeah. It was, yeah. It was unfortunate. I felt terrible. I saw Rayne Wilson in a public restroom.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. I was just passing, you know, did he say this is where Jim moved my desk. Darn it. Yeah.

And then I was like, I also love beats and Battlestar Galap. I didn't talk to me. I was going to say, this is now two, celebrity interactions I know of yours that happen near bathrooms. I'm a bathroom

dude, man. You're a bathroom talker? Because I'm not. I'm not a bathroom talker. People talk to me in bathrooms. It's just something about me. Yeah, you draw it out. I witnessed a fucking awkward celebrity bathroom thing. When

Chelsea and I went and saw that Oklahoma that was up, like last year or whatever, it was fucking awesome. I was in the can and like coming out this kid was like in front of me totally not paying attention at all 1,000% slams into Helen Hunt

like hip checked Helen Hunt nice coming out of the bathroom totally fucking blindsided her yeah gave her a real twister slam it was and like she was so cool about it though because the woman I don't think recognized her but was like just really

apologetic and she was like no no it's totally fine you know that's before Philip Zimmerhoffin came off to her that little kid he's coming he's coming right for you with the fucking suck zone let's see

I'm going to go here find some more cues problem is you lose some of these cues because people are talking about other stuff so let's see yeah we need some more Q-in-ons in the chat come on guys

all right let's see okay here's one Phil asks, who would you cast as a new Freddie Krueger? That's a good question. I mean, the answer is nobody, because just don't. Let's not do it anymore, right? But that's a fun answer.

I feel like I'd almost want a comedian, but I can't think of anyone that would be good for it. Oh, dude. I mean, I don't know that this would be good, but it just popped into my head right now. Imagine Jim Carrey playing Freddie Kruger. Everybody couldn't do it. He's getting older, you know?

his face is starting to look scarred. I was going to say one I've always actually kind of thought about is Bill Hater. That would be something. I think he'd be really good. I think he would really work on having his own voice, his own temperament as compared to what England already did.

But here's the thing though. If it's a success, right, you have to be willing to sacrifice that person's career. Because they're not doing anything else, you know? I mean, but like how many, I mean, honestly. Oh, that's the case, the Tim Allen. Absolutely.

Sure. Yeah. 100% Tim Allen. Bill Engval for Freddie Kruger. How much footage is England actually shooting for all those films, though? Like, depending on which one it is, he's not in it a lot. No, but I'm just saying, dude, like you would then give up, like, other acting roles because now you're fucking Freddie Krueger. Well, someone in the chat says Mark Hamel.

I could see that work. Ooh, that would be awesome. That would be cool. aren't you a little short to be a dream demon John asks worst horror movie we have ever seen oh saw too it's barely a horror movie but it's also

barely a movie there's this movie which we just watched a couple weeks ago called Lost Souls it is it is one of the most boring movies ever seen in my life is that Winona Ryder it's Winona Ryder and Ben Chaplin, I think that dude That guy's a total

It's either vampires or witches It is this guy This guy is Ben Chaplin It's like, all right dude, guess what You might, on your 33rd birthday, you might turn into the devil. You might Just letting you know

And it's like, and it's like, I don't I don't believe that and sort of certain things sort of happened and he realizes he might turn into the devil. It was a movie directed by Janus Kaminsky, Spielberg's guy. It's the only one that, is he Yanis, no, I'm making that up. Who's

Spielberg? He's, Spilberg. Yeah, he's, Spielberg's DP, yes. It's the one and only directorial film he ever had. It is atrocious. It is a total snorer. Yes, I remember you looking this up and telling me about it, I think. I did. I think it gets

recommended, not recommended, requested often. It's just, there's like, one or two funny kills, but it's really boring. I took up too much time. let's see here oh this is uh let's go with this one Eric asks favorite 80s slasher I mean I feel like it's Jason lives for me

but I mean there's so much yeah I mean I would choose from I would say that too although you know the other weekend I rewatched part four I had a fucking ball with that movie man I prefer awesome in that yeah I gotta revisit that I have the prowler actually quite a quite a bit

the prowler is a lot of fun the prowler is a lot of fun the effect to make you go whoa where were we just watching that did spectacle do that on their twitch they did yeah that was a fucking good time oh yeah their memorial day marathon they're doing a horror marathon this Saturday and that's what I'm doing oh really well so what is that spectral theater dot uh it's their twitch

they're on twitch oh yeah search special theater on Twitch they're amazing Spectacle Theater, NYC, maybe, is their name? Yeah, you guys can Google it, but they're good people. Oh, here's one. Okay, we'll take a couple more. Andrew S. Which horror icon actor do you assume has the weirdest home?

Can hotter. But like, you think so? Yeah. Like weird, though, I think it would be like just the right expectation of creepy. But I feel like he keeps all things he's given. then it's just like it's all piled up and that makes for a creepy house I'm going to say Doug Bradley really okay Mr. Hellraiser

that's a fucking good one I think that Warwick Davis probably has a lovely home but he's got a lepricron room that smells like shit and you don't it's just like that gross Halloween plastic smell yeah it's consuming the room or maybe it's the garage in any case steer clear of Warwick Davis's Lepricon room for sure. Absolutely dude, that's 100% correct.

I think, I mean, it may seem like the obvious answer, but you know Robert England's got a weird fucking house. Yeah, that's fair. You know it. I think the like his fake house in New Nightmare where he's like painting the horrible painting and whatever,

like that's like way too chic. I feel like he's got weird like antique doll toys and whatnot. See, I don't like he seems like he would have a weird in that like he has like actual like satanic architecture like that makes like dark red everywhere like black and red that's all you see anywhere as far as colors go that's where i think with him but i think he's chic otherwise right right maybe maybe it's just a bunch of stuff from urban legend

all right i think this is a great one to go out on here so last question of the evening uh Favorite Stephen King adaptation. Oh, the orchard thief or whatever. That was an adaptation joke. Oh, I see. I would say, let's make this interesting. Nobody can say The Shining. Damn it.

Okay. My favorite that never gets talked about is the dark half by George Romero. Oh, that's a fun one. That's Bruce Campbell. Not Bruce. Timothy Holtz. Timothy Hutton. Hotton.

Timothy Hutton. Yes. That's right. Bruce Campbell would have been awesome in that movie though. I think the dead zone. Yeah. Fucker, you stole mine.

Yeah. I mean, that's the only other good ones. Yeah, I mean, the dead zone is excellent. That's a really good movie. I think misery is pretty fun too.

Misery's good. Misery, I think, is kind of an underrated, sort of forgotten movie in a way. Dr. Sleep is a phenomenal highing over movie. It's one of the greatest ever made. One of the greatest ever made.

Dr. It's kind of like a secret. X-Man movie, which kind of rules a little bit. You're not wrong, dude. Yeah, I think you're totally right on that, which I love. Some people are saying Shawshank. That's fair. And the running man, great call

on the running. Right. He's hit there that I'm wearing a Stephen King T-shirt right now. Oh, Salem's Lot. Salam's Lot is actually good. Yeah, I want to watch it. I just read the book and then I bought the t-shirt like a fucking sap. Yeah. Dude. The original TV version of the stand is pretty

good. Yes. Isn't there a new Salem's lot coming out? No, there's a new stand coming out. Oh, is that right? Which I actually kind of watch. There's one from the 90s or late 90s, maybe early lots, with Rob Lowe with a really bad haircut. Donald Sutherland and Rutger Hauer are the vampire guys.

Whoa. Wait, that's not returned to Samless Lott, is it? No, it's just Salem's lot. It's a remake. Okay. Yes, yeah, and yes. Didn't Toby Hooper's in, involved in that in some way? He did the first one

that the one for the 70s. He directed, okay. He did the first one. I've never seen it. I never saw it either. Larry Cohen did the sequel which stars Nicholas Ray the director. Really? It's incredible. You really

should seek it out. It's really weird and amazing. Wow, I got some watching to do then. Well, I think on that note, we're going to wrap it up here for the evening. Thanks so much to everyone who hung out across all the various platforms. We hope you've been enjoying the spook-tukular, of course. And, oh, tune in this Tuesday, of course, for Saw 2.

Absolutely. And out now, we love movies on the Patreon feed. You got a brand new episode, drop this afternoon of Texas Chainsaw Masker 2, speaking of Toby Hooper. I misspoke, by the way, it's Sam Fuller. Oh, weird. Shit. Even weirder.

Yes, even weird. If I watch Return to Salem's Lot, without seeing Salem's Lot, will I still get it? you'll generally get it you might have a couple of questions but you'll get it's it's a main town with vampires you'll figure it out okay cool because i might have to rent that like immediately the skeleton league wants to do mouth stuff oh my god you want a dry job it's a little teethe oh come on if you're listening to this on audio you're missing out of the show for sure certainly missing out is the word yeah yeah until you know what dude we got to i mean come All right, yeah, let's stop.

Until next month, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Siddak. Eric Siska. Chris Gavin. Take it easy. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's a lot of it's scared.

Sometimes. That is what I. That is murder. They're at the door. They're coming in. It is time to keep your appointment. They're going to keep your appointment. They're coming to get you, Barbara.

You're sick of fox. You've seen one too many. Now, sit, don't you blame the movies? Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos for creative. An excellent day for an exorcism, an excellent day for an exorcism.