We Hate Movies - S12 Ep575: Zookeeper

Episode Date: November 2, 2021

On this week's episode, it's almost as if the Halloween Spooktacular never ended as the gang makes their way through the absolutely atrocious Kevin James vehicle, Zookeeper! Why are his pratfalls so eerie and unfunny? How does this movie explain away centuries of documented animal attacks? And what is with that wretched musical number at the end? PLUS: What is going on with Rogan's hair here?  Zookeeper stars Kevin James, Rosario Dawson, Leslie Bibb, Ken Jeong, Donnie Wahlberg, Joe Rogan, and Nat Faxon; directed by Frank Coraci.  Catch WHM on tour right now! New venue for Nashville! WHM Merch Store Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, evidence that this medium could die at any moment. It's Zookeeper. I'm Andrew Jupin. Talking Dead Giraff, Stephen Seda. Eric Siska. Hey, Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. This is a movie podcast where we talk about bad movies, good movies, middle of the road movies, and whatever kind of style they are. we make fun of them this week the first one this is the first

this is the first one it's the first one it's zookeeper from 2011 directed by Frank Karachi and this is about Chris Cabin right because your DVD collection right you're the zookeeper I keep I have a talking a robocop it just opens its mouth it sounds like

Sylvester Stallone yeah but you got you got the movie zoo the documentary oh yes so many of them he's got so many copies they're just filling up my room There's like, you know, there's movies like, like, the last blockbuster and like that doc, you know. There's just to be a doc about you, Chris, trying to collect all the copies of zoo on DVD just to get it off the streets. Yes. I go on eBay just night after night.

I start going pie crazy. Absolutely. I think it'll be great. You can't go to sleep. Put a drill in my head. It sounds nice. I like all this. Get to Jewish mysticism as well.

Yeah. But imagine if that drill was a horse's cock going into your skull. Look, it turns out the Jewish mystics, they have 20 copies of zoo on the movie. I don't know how it happened. Oh, hey. So this is interesting because as someone pointed out on the internet. Oh, shit. It's on the internet?

We'd say 10 years ago, probably now a little over 10 years ago, we sort of talked about this movie. Yes. episode 19 the best of the worst of summer 2011 yes the episode I drank an entire bottle of wine just uncorked and chugged don't worry and nobody couldn't tell no one no one could tell back then you know it was like you're doing a podcast in 2011

who's gonna it's like you know a tree falling down in the woods that's recorded also back of the day we had nothing but time we're like I'll do a bunch of movie roundup yeah yeah Roundup. It was also like a bunch of us had not seen it. I think, Chris, you were the only one that had seen it. I saw it.

I saw it in theater. Why the fuck did you contribute to the box office? Yeah, I think because it was a thing that me per chance to spy a lady. No, well, me and my wife were doing this for a little while. It was like bad date thing where you'd watch a bad movie and go to a bad restaurant right after. And this is before you could just piss away money.

Did you fight verbally? Also. That's too much of a bad movie. This is more just sort of like a bad aesthetic. Dating you. It was just bad dates. When you're dating Steve Saneck, every date's a bad date. Welcome back to John Reese Davies, bad dates. See, I do love that idea for a fake dating show with John Reese Davies.

We could do it. But no, yeah, I think we did even go to Fridays before or after it. Oh, yeah, yeah. Honey, we should go to a cheap restaurant for the bad dateness. The badness of it. Well, no, that's the problem with New. this is this is the scam oh here we go

New York City if you go to a DJ Fridays you'll fuck it's still it's really expensive yeah and all those all those like big

dumbass chains that when they plop a location in Manhattan all the time all of the like specials you see on the commercials are not applicable

in them restaurants so all these people come in from out of town and it's like oh yeah I love my you know my unlimited salad and breadsticks

guess what motherfucker not at that time square time square whatever the fuck. So it's a limited. I've got a really cool tall like Sam Adams or some horse shit. Oh, that's $24. Big of fucking Manhattan. Olive Garden.

That was the TGI Friday's right at like 49th. That was there forever. A grilled chicken sandwich and fries, $35 easily. That might still be there. I think it was built as the largest TGI Fridays because it's like three stories. The one on Fifth Avenue? Yeah.

The one you have to walk on. Oh, no. There's one of Broadway in 49th. Yes. That's one. That one. The one on Fifth Avenue was the one, it was also like somewhere in Midtown where like a bunch of my family came in one time and they were like, oh look, TGI Fridays. And I was like, kill me dead in the street.

And we fucking went in. And the woman was like, oh, well, it's the lunch rush. It'll be a two hour wait. And I had two, two family members go, that's totally fine. And I was like, you've got to be fucking kidding me. That is mental. I think there might be a Fifth Avenue one as well

now that you're, now that you're talking about. But, I mean, now that we're talking with T.J. Fred is this much. We still haven't even nearly talked as much about it as the film Zoopkeeper does. Oh, my God. Oh, boy.

So this movie, yeah, sure. It is about a zookeeper played by Happy Madison also ran Kevin James. And this is what this was, right? This is part of that, like, look, the Sandman can't star in all these things. Exactly.

The scraps for the babies. Some of the drunk things you wrote on paper have to go to Kevin James instead of to Adam. Occasionally. Just occasionally. You just throw chicken feed out into the into the yard and either Rob Schneider Kevin James or God forbid David Spade gets at it.

Oh man. Yeah, that's when you know you're really in trouble. Or Nick Swanson, yikes. Grandma's boy himself? No, he's not. Or wasn't he at least in Grandma's Boys? Alan Covert. It's covert. It's a covert. Like that's the thing is they tried with Swartson. They'll give them all a shot just to see, can you do it? Swartson's flamed out spectacularly.

At least Grandma's boy has something of a following. There's some humor there. I remember it being kind of funny back in the day, but this movie's Zookeeper. No. So he's a zookeeper. Hey, Allison, I'm going to see Zookeeper. Yeah, we're still roommates in 2011. Hey, Allison, you want to have a bad date and go see Zookeeper?

I'm going to take her on Friday. My friend Steve Sadegh is looking for a date. Oh, my God. So Vastos Stallone, Alton. But it was the Sloan movie, Zookeeper. So it's, if you don't get what we're doing, you got to check out Melro 210 only on our Patreon or there's like 30 free episodes on this phase. That's right.

It's a Melrose place impression. You know, ask grandma about it. He's a zookeeper who does not. And I, even though I saw this movie back in 2011, if you asked me like two weeks ago, oh, he gets either hit on the head or finds a meteorite. now he can understand animals. No, all these animals have the ability to speak American English at all times. All times. Shoes not. So it's, it's not even like do little. No, it's not like do little. It's just all animals can speak American English. They must be reading

the New York Post. They have quite the vocabulary. I got to say, well, oh, no, this is in Boston. I'm sorry. Yeah. For some reason. I, yeah, I don't quite get that. Probably because they just gave him a lot of money to have the Franklin Park Zoo as like an actual. place that actually exists. I guess so. I don't know. They don't call it that though in this movie. No, they do. It's Frankl. I thought his name tag said like New England Zoo

or something. I'm pretty sure they say Franklopold. And there's big arches. They show the name Oh, well, I couldn't possibly be paying attention. Well, the thing is you couldn't like set it in New York because people would be too confused. Am I watching the King of Queens? I kind of wish it was they said it in the Bronx Zoo and then like

all these animals go out on Fordham Road and like an abysit. by three-card literal people trying to sell you on three-card Monty that happened my wife met

because I was living in the Bronx in the time my wife met me and I was like I'll go to the Ford Road Trade Station and she's like

I never even there was a guy doing three-card Monty I'm like yeah it's Port-a-Rode it rules Oh yeah Fort and Road

is the fucking wild west dude I mean you let those animals out around there more likely you're going to go into an Italian restaurant

like just for today an ostrich parmesan sandwich and bear ragu. I would eat any of these animals. Absolutely. I don't know. The Jim Brewer

Crow is probably just not a lot of meat there. No, no, no, no. Oh, chicken wings. Crow wings. Yeah, crow wings. Sure. I have to say the, the like prologue, the cold open of this movie is great. Oh, wow. Because

because it is wonderful. It's a Kevin James character like getting his life flushed down the toilet right before your eyes. A little bit of shot in Friday there. It's weird because it's just like, am I, wait, did I miss the start of the movie? Like, suddenly it's them on horseback. Like, who are these people? What

is happening? It definitely, I had the same exact thought was like, oh, did I accidentally like press skip ahead to the next chapter or whatever? I could see that. I mean, like, this this happens too. So, well, let's say what I what I have it. They're on the beach. They're on a horse. It's

Kevin James and Leslie Bibb, Ironman's Leslie Bibb. That poor fucking horse. Yes. By the way, folks at home, this is a movie where Leslie Bibb and Rosario Dawson fight over Kevin James' fucking three-inch fucking maggot or whatever he's got pack. I don't know. It makes a lot of sense. What do you talk about, Eric? Doesn't that make so much sense? They're fighting over Kevin James, which is because he's, he's got a winning personality, I guess. He's a sad. He's a sad sack or an asshole. Like, there's no redeeming quality. No. He doesn't abuse animals. That is his only quality. To be fair, though, that is the Happy Madison thing. Yes. Like complete asshole that you have to love. Yep. That's what they do. And speaking of Happy Madison, you've got Leslie Bibb is playing the nasty bitch. Indeed. Yeah. Just the capital and capital B. She ruined your life because she's a nasty bitch. Okay. Okay. We won't call her nasty bitch. in the script. How about Nancy Bitt? How about

that? We'll call her Nancy Bitt. I mean, I don't know. Your film needs villains. Sure. Joe Rogan. Yes. It's it is what it is, but she's like, because like, you know, he does this thing where they're on horseback and he's like, oh, look at that little bottle in the, in the road

there. She picks it up and inside. The beach, the road, by the way. They're on the beach. Yeah. Steps over a fencer's course. gets the fucking thing and says, oh, will you marry me?

And he's behind her with the fucking thing. Yes. And then the most beautiful thing that's ever happened and the world happens. Lesie Bibb says, oh, no. Oh, no. I can't possibly. This is why you don't go for the all-out proposal.

No. Because the bigger the proposal, if there's a turndown, the bigger the fallout and the embarrassment. Never spend over $100 on your engagement aside from the ring. Sure. I would say, yeah, yeah.

No mariachi bands, no horse rental. Fireworks. Fireworks also, yep. Do you remember, and we all did, we all watched this together, the episode of Age Gap Lovers where that dude was a magician and he got his whole family in a room. And he used this like 76 year old granny and he's like doing this whole magic trick where it's like, will you marry me?

And she's like, oh no. Deity, I won't do it. He finally made a woman disappear. In front of his whole fucking family. That's the other thing by the way. A proposal is a two-person Exactly. Yes. Let's leave the staple center out of it.

Oh, I'd love to keep fucking you, but no, I won't be marrying you. Get that dick out, won't you? You had a bit of a side piece. I got a lot of men floating around, you know. Can't be marrying myself off, dearie. Well, and also, if I was a little bit of,

a 76-year-old woman dating a fucking 30-something or 20-something magician. I'd be like, oh, yeah, just want to be in me real, sweetheart. No, you're not going to get it. Here's a 20. How about that? Oh, no, dear. You're a magician's see. You won't be in my will, but

your willie will be in my... Dear, I jerked off Keith Richards once. I am not marrying you. No, no, no, no. Oh, my God. I mean, fucking Kevin James, after... They're doing this out beach in front of an ocean. He should go Dunkirk, walk right back into the

fucking ocean and let it be over with. There's no escaping this, son. We have to go back to the beach where you were turned down. Stop talking, stop listening to Kenneth Brana, just go into the fucking ocean. Also, it's a hilarious, like, we learned moments later that this was five years before the start

of the movie, we get a good like five years later. This opening for no, I mean, it's five years. He's got this piece on. Yes. Like, I will believe that Kevin James looked the same five years ago as he did today.

I would say he's got another piece. Well, he's completely bald IRL. Is that the idea? So, yeah, he kingpinned? Oh, yeah, you can tell you. He's super kingpin. Oh, yeah. I would like to see him like that.

It's a good look at a piece. No, it's not. This first one? Oh, no, no, the one that he wears the rest of the film. Oh, yeah, that's fine. It's because he's not going overboard. He still looks like bald in the front

and it's like the, like, sort of, to like to to the point widow's peak a little bit he's not going crazy making it look like a full head of hair I'm just saying they do that at the beginning and I don't understand why that's too bad that's honestly too bad one of these UFC guys should be like they should be his pit bull for like the pit bull to John Travolta they should be like just be bald we're all bald we're all

so much to fucking Rogan's got the fucking spray paint job in this movie oh yeah I just figured out you weren't talking about a dog you mean you mean the guy who did music the musical artist pit bull was the according to Travolta was the one who convinced him it was okay to be bald outside

yeah well pit people said it was okay he said it looked good he said woof woof we were filming a Pepsi commercial but Kevin James was bald in that one horror movie right or something oh horror movie the fucking Beth

Zookeeper yeah I think it's called Yeah, I think it's called Beth. Yeah. Beth is at least in the bad guy. So he's like a fat, bald guy that's like, Ra! No, he's playing like a race, like a...

A racist? I think there's something, something, something. I think so. Note to self, watch whatever that. And there's, I will say, there are, I've seen that movie. There are some really gnarly deaths in it. Okay.

A couple pretty good ones. But I forgot it immediate. Is this Kevin James have a good death in it? Yes. I like that. Spoiler alert, yes. but so here he's just like he's humiliated and you know the button on the joke is the mariachi band comes they have to ride off on the horse together because it's kind of out in the middle of nowhere I thought this horse would split in half for something I mean because it's not this is not just a Kevin James fat knock it's there's two people on it yes and it looks like a lot and she's even like it's it's one thing to be like oh you know what like no I'm not gonna Becky sorry Becky Becky it's one thing to be like oh I'm never going to you know know, this isn't working out.

She even says, like, I was actually going to break up with you anyway. This is kind of awkward. But she's, like, nasty about it. She's like, oh, do you think I could ever do that with you? You're a zookeeper. Right. Being the zookeeper, I don't know. I mean, he's had zookeeper.

Sure. Eventually, like, maybe he's not to start. I also imagine that's a union job. You got to be doing pretty good. You got to be doing okay. Yeah, I would think so. I mean, the idea that, like, no, I want to date a guy that sells. Cars? That's, yeah, you could be really bad at selling cars, you know. Not everybody is good at it.

You're not rich. So you cut two five years later. He's a shell of himself. Just zookeeping. And you see, you know, the zoo's waking up a little bit. You know, you see a little bit of everybody. It's that thing that I hate where it's like, you're okay to be good at your job. But like, this happens a lot in these kind of like just totally forgettable comedies where like he's going that extra mile. And there's a moment where he moves the month. And there's a moment where he moves the month. monkey, like he's like, oh, monkey, like you're laying in the sun. Let's get you some shade there, buddy. And I'm like, the monkey knows when he wants shade, man. Yeah, some animals like being in the sun. The fucking animals alone, they're not your play thing. You're not five years old. That's the thing with this.

It's like, what was he doing in those five years in between? Was he fucking sticking his thing in these things? I don't know if that way. That's why he can know, that's why he can talk to them. Oh, that's, you think that's the magical thing. I think maybe that's how you turn an animal on. The three-hour cut of the zookeeper with the love scene between him and the Mayor Rudolph giraffe. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, you know, he stirs something inside of them. Uh-huh. And then they start talking. You know, we're not allowed to tell anybody because of the code, but you turned me on so much, Kevin James. I will now speak to you as lovers. We just, we could do it all along. We just decided not to.

It's just, it's so easy. It's like, listen. up on a ladder he's fucking fixing an electrical transformer the monkey comes over and is messing with the... Yeah, and like he gets electrocute and he touches the monkey or whatever

and then it's like, now I can understand what you're saying? Because what was Dr. Doolittle's thing? Because this is not Dr. Dool. Now, Dr. Dool had like a brain disorder that he was like, he was like fucking thinking he was hearing things. He was in a bathtub during heroin

and imagined all these adventures. Well, that's, I mean, that's what I assume happened. I imagine Kevin James had a break with reality and this is just him in a new state of mind hearing these fucking animals. Dr. Doolittle was so connected with the animals. He could hear what they

their little chitters made sense to him. This is kind of what we're trying to do here but yet because he's such a good zookeeper. He is such as he knows everything the animals want but later in the film the guerrillas talking to human beings that were not him. That's the biggest difference right.

The animals are translated like through Dr. Doolis. This movie this fucking Nick Nalti Gorillas like picking up babes at the restaurant. I kid. Well, that's an hour that we'll be talking about. It's a toy story rules. Yes. I think. Yes.

That's exactly what they're doing. Anyone turns around they just talk normally. But then that gives them again human minds, human agency and all of these animals, A because the zoo they would be depressed. And B, because they have human minds would be like, oh shit, we're in fucking prison.

How I wish for free Yeah, but if they got, if they got that human mind, though, and they know, like, how humans live, they're like, well, they're in prison too, right? Like, you look at my apartment. God, I can't wait to spend $15 on mozzarella sticks on Fridays. Oh, money. I'm an ape. There is a prolonged secret. I wish I had student loans and they choke me to death. That's what I wish. These credit card bills are getting too high. So we should mention the first. First big scene is with Kevin James and Nick Nulte ape, briefly introing also Donnie Waltberg, who has to play a scumbag. Yeah. Can I just tell you, I was like stunned. Because during the opening credits, his name comes up. And I was like, well, of course, stunned that it was a real life performance. I would have put dollars to donuts he was playing some sort of. Oh, no. We're not giving him an animal. Ape or something. No, no, no. He could have played like a crock and. or some shit. What the movie's really telling us, like, what is more of an animal? Is it the apes in the zoo or is it the humans? It's the Donnie Walbur. That is the cruelest animal. It was a zookeeper that intentionally just wakes up every day and is like, I just want to abuse animals every day of my life. Well, there's got to be some. I want my job to be where I get to abuse animals. Yeah. Along that line and with the way that these animals are just like walking around the zoo. And Donnie Wahlberg is, I guess, abusing them at various points. This zoo might be the only zoo like in America or at least the northeast where there are count them zero security cameras.

Oh, yeah. Because if there was a single security camera in this zoo, you would have had a scene of like the fucking big security guard like, all right, Kevin, James, all these animals were out of their pen once again all through the night. you appeared to be talking and commiserating with them at one point? Nicholas Tatoro must be sleeping on a cot somewhere all day long because he just shows up to be like, Hi, Kevin James, I'm fucking nothing. Well, I mean, if you did the Tatoro power rankings, which I do every week, which is always the same.

It's John Way up top. Ada, a few steps, quite a few steps below him, but still, you know, soprano's a huge deal. And then Nick is all the way down. But I think he's kind of a funny guy. He's fine. I mean, and he had his run on NYPD Blue, but just it's the power rankings are as such, Andrew. They're never going to move. No, and that's why it's a great power ranking for you to do every week, Steve, because it requires zero effort.

Yeah, Ada Taturro is good outside of a Spike Lee movie. Nicholas Taturro. That's true. That's true. Yeah, so he's just, it's his humdrum life. He is, we see him like at a, he's at a fucking, like, junkyard getting a huge tire for this gorilla? That's the intro of it is he's bringing

the tire into the zoo. He passes everybody. We meet all the elephant that's Judd Apatow the monkey that's Adam Sandler. They haven't talked yet but we're just seeing hello to him and he brings it into this cage for this gorilla and like this lonely maniac is just rat-tat-tat and with this gorilla who will not talk to him yet. But I would like to believe that this is how they actually

got Nick Nalty to get this role. He's like, I want a tire. Oh, thank you. I also want a big wiffle ball. Okay, thank you. So that's what he was paid in to do the movie. And then that's just also featured in the film.

I think he was just saying he was tired. I wanted to lay down. No, I want a huge tire. What a big fucking bag of money. Also, do you have roofies, just recreational roofies for me? I could take some of us. A little bit of a misnomer there.

I was on him several times. And, well, date rape drug, nobody ever tried to rape me. Literal, literal, literal Nicknulty. It's just good for a Sunday football game. Pop a few of them. Oh, my God. So he tries to hang this tire swing. And he falls down.

He does this like this face fall, this big pratfall, this comedy moment, which isn't funny. I don't know how it's not funny. I mean, I always, if someone like Chris Farley, they could nail this moment. but for some reason for me Kevin James has too much of like a shitty undeserved dignity that it doesn't even make me laugh

I think you're right it is weird that these pratfalls don't work for me they're too controlled he's controlling his body way too you can see it that he's calculate overcalculated everything well some of it also is and this is the case with the tire one

because like it's fake it's computer falls because it's him computer falls it's like you're like CGI him fall. Really? That's not him taking that spill. I think it is. I mean, listen, I didn't see any CGI. He lands on his fucking

fat face, dude. There's no way they let him do that. He definitely takes it on the chest. Yeah. I don't know what technology was involved or not. But it, but it's just, it's supposed to be funny. You know how it looks? Well, you know how it looks when like in a movie, someone gets

like hit by a car? And it's like, you can tell like the second it changes from like the person to the computer. Yeah. There's at least one of those in this movie where you can, I notice, like, the change of like, now it's not a person that's a fucking cartoon that fell over. Well, there's definitely a lot of that in the world's most insane wedding that's ever. Yeah, I think the wedding. Maybe that's what I'm thinking of. Oh, yeah.

It gets, oh, the wedding gets nuts. So, but like, it's, but you're right. When he's just talking to this gorilla, like he's doing bits on it, like bad, like, oh, you can have disco party here, Bernie. You'll have a lot of fun bar Bernie, blah, blah, blah. Get some babes down here. I mean, like, and in a normal world. it's just like, I'm a fucking gorilla. I'm a depressed gorilla

and I will rip your face. Hey, what was your, what was your favorite bad back in the 60s? Was it the monkeys? I don't think that's too funny. Oh, come on. I don't care for his humor.

I'm a fucking gorilla. There's a difference. Hey, hey, we're the, come on. Hey, hey, we're the, come on. Come on, come on, do it. Rara! I want to fucking rip your ass. face off and fuck it!

What a book here! So we meet Rosario Dawson. She's like the lead vet at the... Who apparently has no life outside of this job absolutely whatsoever. No man has ever talked to her

or approached her. Nothing has ever gone on with this. She has no family. Like no nothing. I think she sleeps there. I think she's an alien that put on some fucking like lady clothes or something because it makes it doesn't make a lot of sense. She's like oh

you know I just I put in for this job in Nairobi and I guess because no one likes me here in Boston I'll just go to Nairobi and like he's like oh it's great you know this is this thing where like you know people are like vying for her services and no one's vying for his

well he does this pathetic like he does this fake like story about how he was getting poached by a zoo in New Hampshire and then he's like well actually it was more like an animal farm and they had what does he say

like they had go badgers it's like you're just this was one of those moments I felt like you're just letting him ramble like you're letting him just do some improv and it's not fun isn't it charming isn't it just so charming to listen to this just nulling

fucking thing in your ear what do I do when I talk to women badger yeah okay yeah there were a lot of badgers up there I learned to badger so I guess this is like what we learn way later is the inciting incident or at least like the motivation for these animals to kind of start talking to him is medical emergency the the lioness comes in later voiced by share by the way and she's like not breathing or something so this whole thing where Kevin James is helping her

out and then in like and this is a movie where animals just start talking to this idiot this is one of the more confounding parts of the movie is like she's trying to get him to get the lion to breathe and like she's flatlining and all this shit. And then in a stunning turn, Kevin James takes over. Yeah. And she's just like, yeah, you go ahead. You give it a shot. You know better. My degree is garbage. You just start rooting around in there, dude. Yeah, you're a fucking puffed up shit shoveler. Get in there and save that animal's life. I so wanted them to do something like a cut, like a son's a lamb cut to him, Kevin James saying there's something in his throat. There's

something in his throat. he just shoves his fucking arm up this puppet's mouth I was remembering Pat people Exactly Ed Begley Jr. Just getting fucking annihilated by that Puma Oh that's right

I wish that happened to Kevin James dude That's amazing So there's like a there's a red bull can Inside of Yeah of course I do you know Obviously a lot of corporations Are well represented in the zookeeper

Sure and I feel like Red Bull was like well yeah so does the lion die well no it does okay if the lion doesn't die yeah she should choke on one of our cans you think about it like you're threatening the animals isn't that cool

I think they were fine with it because it wasn't preceded by a scene of like some little kid taking a sip of Red Bull and being like this tastes like shit and throwing it in the pen are we to believe that this I guess what Lion ass you said is stupid enough

Yeah, I don't know why she was eating cans. I thought it was a goat for a second. Oh, yeah, because she is kind of the center of wisdom later in the movie. It would be, I'd be like, God. More like whiz, don't. This fucking, I'm not listening to no fucking big cat. Just talk about the corporation thing. Literally the last two lines of this movie are, are plugs.

Product clues. Our plugs. It's incredible. But it's just, yeah, so it's like, she's not, she didn't die. I guess, yeah. And somebody's like, yeah. I can Now I'm thirsty for Red Bull

Yeah Ripped out of that lion's throat Oh you know And they ripped it out of that lion's throat It reminded me of ripping an ice cold Red Bull can out of a bodega refrigerator So who is voicing this lie Because it's a character

Who's gonna voice this line? Well we have Shiline Woodley We could get Cher Oh that's I'm listening to that I'm listening to that Okay Yeah that sounds good but so like that's like they like sort of

they're just obviously work friends maybe work flirt but mostly work friends right yeah we have again very confusing his brother's engagement party happening at the zoo Academy Award winning screenwriter Nat Faxon

that's right that's right and what screenplay was that again And that it's, that's what I thought. And, yeah, it's, yeah, this was, it's, well, the weird part about this movie. And actually, like, it's not good ever. But, like, once the wedding happens in, like, the middle of act two, the movie just turns into chaos. Oh, my God. It's a wedding movie up to that point.

Like, you know, it makes sense you have the wedding. And the engagement party, you've got, like, some wedding events, et cetera, et cetera. It's also, it's also no longer the zookeeper. It's the car dealer. Yeah. It totally turns into the car dealer. Like this movie, it should have topped out at the wedding. Like this whole movie, they're talking about the wedding, the lead up to the wedding.

There's like two engagement parties. There's a lot of engagement parties. But the car dealership thing of him taking that job is the all hope is lost. Oh my God, our hero is giving up. Yeah. True. That's true. But you're right.

It's weird to have this big wedding in the second act. and then for the rest of the movie. Because, yeah, it's at, it's at the, whatever, it's at the zoo at night,

which I guess you pulled some strings. I know that places like, you know, the Bronx Zoo and like the Botanical Garden, like they do events like this. So like maybe, but like, I don't know.

It just, it seemed kind of weird for the movie. Have it at a fucking small Italian restaurant. Maybe he got Ken John as Venom, of course, playing another perfect. So, folks, it was 2011, you literally

had to put this guy in the movie. Literally ripped right out of my notes. I was like, oh, it's 2011. That explains his fucking grating presence in this. And he's just going to do the Kenjong thing where he's just kind of weird, like sexually. I mean, good for

the guy from getting paid. Oh, for sure. Did you know he's a real doctor? Yeah, everybody knows that. I would rather watch him starring this than Kevin James personally. There was a whole sitcom about how he used to be a doctor. We know. Dr. Ken. It was called malpractice. I wish. I keep killing all these patients.

That would be the funniest thing he did. We should also say Nat Faxon, who he has playing Kevin James' brother, is engaged to a woman played by Stefiana Delacruz, who is indeed Kevin James' wife. Yeah, she doesn't she's not so great.

as an acting not so great with the acting no you know Kevin James that maybe that's what they had in common we both fucking suck shit also pairing her with where I beer fest's Nat Fax

and like I've been he's like really funny engaging like and she has nothing to do like I don't even think it's her fault I kind of like Nat Fax when he pops up and stuff I have zero issues with that fact I think he's kind of okay

in this he's got a couple of moments yeah but um and like whatever, it's like Kevin James has to give the big speech at the engagement party and he decides to do it with a porcupine in his arms.

And it's going to be this big metaphor. I really need to see the boss of this place. Yes. Somebody's got a, it can't be Nicholas. Don't, don't do that to me. No, no, no, no. You want to see boss? The Kelsey Grammer is going to walk in the list.

Oh, I'm boss. Yes, there we go. I'm zoo boss. Get back in there and fuck those animals. You're right, though. You need some kind of like old bastard who's like the general manager of the zoo, the director of the zoo. Kevin James, you cannot bring a porcupine during its nap hours for your engagement party. Are you crazy, Kevin James?

And so Leslie Bibb shows up at the engagement party. He spies her from across the room while he's giving the speech and then like gets all marries. marble-mouthed and bungles it, and this is all supposed to be hilarious, and it is not. One thing I need to know about their relationship, because the rest of the first, the rest of most of this movie is now him being flummoxed by her, like, it's high school, and he's like, oh my God, it's the prettiest girl I've ever seen, which is fine, but like, you're on horseback with this woman on vacation, presumably. You were dating her for maybe a year, at least.

You've had sex with her, like the, some of the mystery is gone. Absolutely. Absolutely. Some of that mystery is gone. But because he's like, you know how to approach this woman. I'm a fat loser, so I have to act like I'm in fucking elementary school whenever a girl walks by. I think she broke up with it because he wouldn't close his eyes when they kiss. Yeah. Every time it's just like, this is freaking me out. I just want to keep looking at you, babe.

I just can't stop looking at you. You're so out of my week. Oh, my God. Your eyes are like oceans. Oh, God. They're so beautiful. Every time my eyes closed, those are seconds that I'm not looking at you. Yeah, I'm going to break up with you and not be engaged with you because my shoes are just totally missing. All of them.

Every last one of them. Also, whenever we go to any function where there's slow dancing, you insist on me putting my hands on your shoulders, yours are on my hips, and you stick your ass out to be as far away from me as possible while we dance as if we are still in elementary school. Kevin, I found your library, I'm going to call it, of sleep tapes you have of me. I got to go. I'm sorry, this is over. I don't appreciate the one that's labeled the box set of sexy snoring. Yeah, you know, and whenever I sleep over your house, I notice that my hairbrushes are fucking clean as an airport bathroom the morning after. Also, one of these sleep tapes was from my vacation with my girlfriend to Puerto Rico.

Where'd you get that one? I just love the idea that he's got a big hair ball A giant bib ball Smelling it Oh my bib ball Oh my little Bip ball

Oh it's getting big enough That he's fucking it man This fucking hair Pussy he's got He's fucking cousin Bib But that's the problem And like it doesn't make any sense If he's like you know

We've all had ex-girlfriends Like you know Maybe it ended poorly Like you still relate to them the way you related to them when you were dating sort of it's it's more awkward certainly but like you're human beings also like it's she fucking

humiliated you yes dumped you five years ago dude the reaction is like are you fucking serious if you was pissed that would make sense yep yeah but it was like it's the girl I like I did you job but how about the how about the girl also we're in the age of Facebook

you definitely have stuck please oh he knows what's going on what she looks like Steve's right Black. Yeah. A couple of dupe accounts. Bernie the gorilla is sending you a friend request. The Franklin Park Zoo keeps on trying to add me as a friend.

Yeah, I'm just trying to keep up with friends from high school. His Facebook is amazing as everyone says it is. Oh, my God. I am not for violence against animals, but when that clearly fake gorilla said that in this movie, I was like, I need Muldoon from Jurassic Park to pop out and shoot this thing in It would be cool if... G.I. Writing.

Kevin James is his... I guess let's call it Lus for Life here. It infects these animals to the point where, again, like we see, they want to leave the zoo. They want to live like people. And we just have to put them all down. Like a guy comes in with a flamethrower or a Uzi or something. No, Kurt Russell comes to a flamethrower and goes up to... fucking Judd Epitow elephant

goes, yeah, fuck you too! It just burns up to death. That would be the best movie ever. It would be pretty good. But no, so he's just flummoxed that he goes up to her and he's even more flummox. And he keeps getting this, it wasn't funny the first time, it wasn't funny the second time, and it was

not funny the third time they did it. He keeps getting stabbed with like the porcupine barbs and like the thing of like, and this, it's the total Kevin James thing of like, he's clearly in pain but he's trying to play it cool and he's just got this fucking barb in his face. You know what? It might be funny if he reacted.

Well, that's the thing. That's the thing with him. Sandler reacts to everything. That's why you were talking about the Pratt Falls. That's why Farley, the Pratt Falls with Farley was so great because he would fucking react to them. And I think that's what it is. Anytime there's like a Kevin James flying around, falling off

whatever the fuck, it's dead silence. Yeah. He's trying to keep his composure for some reason. It's always like, okay. Yeah. That. hurt? Yeah, it's a lot of that happened kind of stuff. That like you accidentally sat on your balls and you jumped up real quick to make sure you didn't fully

pop your knots and then you look around to make sure nobody saw you like that's what he reacts like every single Yeah, you pull a belvedere. That guy blew up his testicles right? At least one of them. That's wild. Just imagine all that mass being put on testicles. Those poor little balls didn't have a chance.

One goes under a thigh and screams out. Survive. I won't. But you will! I'm not going to make it. Oh, man, you know, I sat on my balls and I could have sworn I heard them act out a scene from executive decision. That didn't happen, though. But it's a good, I mean, like, whatever. I will say there's one humorous bit here where she's like, like, hey, maybe.

Because she's like, I think she says to maybe Nat Faxon's wife there, which is Kevin James's wife, with this character name, Lisa. Robin? Robin? Robin. Robin, I think you're Robin. Robin, I think you're Robin. Robin, she says to Robbins says to Robin, like, you know, he's just got so much

potential. And it's like, I just want to change him and like, I'm still attracted. And again, like, she could totally still be attracted to him. That's totally fine. But like, so she goes up to him. She's like, hey, me and Robin wanted to get a private tour of the zoo. Is that possible? And I do think it's pretty fun.

Oh, no, it's not going to happen because there's a waiting list. There's a whole office that you have to go through. And he sticks a deadpan. It's pretty funny. I have to talk to the zoo boss. I'm not doing that. Dude, zoo boss.

No, we don't give private to a zookeeper. Go back. Are you into shame play, Kayven James? What are you doing with this lady? But I think one of the animals over here's... A bunch of them hear everything. That's weird. It's like a scene from the fucking.

conversation. Like all these animals are like eavesdropping on people. Listening to people walk in this park. And that's how the movie tells you like their understanding what they're saying because like the giraffe sort of leans in and overhears

Leslie Bibb's like talking whatever. I can't with the fucking animals. It's coming up baby because it's the first 20 minutes doesn't have it in the last and like there's just so little talking animal in this movie. It's like why bother?

Yeah, I mean, like, once they start talking, I'm like, what? It's like 30 minutes into the movie. The animals start talking before they talk to him, though. Yes, they have a council meeting or whatever. Because it's like, we get the scene of like the animals are like turning on the zoo for today. For the day and you have that fucking, the lights come up and the wolf's like cleaning his nuts or whatever. And you have this guy going, like, oh, what? I wasn't doing anything.

I was just cleaning my basement. And I'm like... And then Adam Sandler with this monkey voice. I can't even do it. It's so freaking annoying. I don't want to do it. I mean, to my ear, it sounded like his do-d-do-d-baboo.

Yes. Mixed with like if that, whatever that guy is, was doing like a Pacino impression. Gotcha. I don't know if that's accurate at all, but that's what my brain was registering it is. Better monkey acting, Russell Madness, I think. Oh, a completely better movie, honestly.

Russell Madness is a better film. Yep, 100%. Totally. Wait, was that monkey talking? The monkey does talk in Russell Madness. Okay, I couldn't remember. It's one monkey talking, right? It's one monkey and the dog.

One monkey talking. The monkey and the dog talk to one another. That's correct. Okay. Yeah, I don't like that interspecies stuff. Yeah. But at least it's that's two species. This is like eight of them.

you know, could have been the zoo boss is John Ratsenberger. Oh, hey there, Kevin James. Yeah, you want to have your brother's engagement party here. That's pretty all right. It's Boston. It would make sense. Totally. Cliff Clavin retires from the post office. He's working at a zoo. There's nothing Boston

about this movie. Aside from Donnie Wallberg. Yeah, the other thing that I pointed out to you guys last night, which I think is very strange, is anytime they're filming in the zoo, it's like golden hour, it's bright. it's beautiful blah blah blah there's a moment in this movie where he has to run home

for some reason and like the second you go outside the zoo in this movie it looks exactly like Mystic River it's just that like fucking that light blue coating over everything and that's like Boston it's so weird little kid Tim Rob is at the back of a car waving

goodbye zookeeper semi-garilla in there oh we're talking about giraffes wow we're talking about vampires it's it's so yeah it's the big council i mean we've talked about some of them sandler's doing this monkey thing his joke is that he has thumbs and that makes it the most superior of all the animals right i mean he's doing like billy madison if he had a sore throat yeah and then uh my rudolph is this giraffe giraffe by the way sad story on this giraffe

this giraffe oh this is literally died on the set of the film I wonder why, okay? You can't ride it, Kevin Jays. Tweet the giraffe, who rose to famous... Tweet? Tweet as the star of the classic Toys R Us commercials by being cast as Jeffrey, the company's official mascot. So this is like a famous fucking giraffe.

Also in Ace of Pet Detective. This is giraffe royalty. This is like the Abe Lincoln of giraffes. Died after filming Zookeeper at the Franklin Park Zoo. The 18-year-old giraffe collapsed during feeding in the house in the care of his trainer. I wonder why. No.

I wonder why. We need to get the shot. Get the giraffe out again. I don't give a shit. All this, all the fucking production staff putting cigarettes out on it and shit. I need the giraffe to look sassy.

It's not looking sassy. Also, possibility choked on a red bull can. That zoo's got a real problem with that, apparently. And also this elephant, Ty the elephant was featured in a video reportedly filmed in 2005

and released in 2011 by the Animal Defenders International. which showed him being abused by his trainers. The campaign to boycott this movie was unsuccessfully mounted by PETA. Well, can you believe it they, even at the end of the movie in the credits, there's the thing of the what's that animal rights?

No animal. Yeah, they put their stupid rubber stamp on this thing. That's a fucking, that's a check. Exactly. Yeah, I'll send some guy down to the set. All right. Just send in the object. Just ASPCA person add like a presser,

like sweaty brow like no Kevin James didn't ride any of the animals pours a huge glass of water drinks the whole thing before answering yeah no that's the same draft from the beginning of the movie for sure it was actually a monster energy drink that was found

to say it was a Red Bull is just I mean that's mean spirit I don't recall how many monkeys were used on the film I'm sorry I'll have to check my notes no sir I do not recall how many which lions were around Mr. Sadek we're just asking was it more or less than six?

I cannot recall. I have to check my notes. I never personally heard the term dead monkey pile. Well, and the animal is dead, depending on the definition of what is, is. And dead is. I mean, it's still on the planet, so it's still on planet Earth. You stuffed it. It's in someone's living room.

They're enjoying it. That's got to be worth something. That's what when I said the monkey was still with us. I meant physically the monkey carcass. was with us. Mrs. Smith, I didn't say, Pyle, I said hill. Oh, man.

Just a hill of dead monkeys. That'd be cool. Slice Stallone. He's the big lion. Did you hear like the trivia for this? No, it's that.

Isn't it interesting? No. That Sylvester Stallone's voicing a lion when, in fact, before he became a big star, he cleaned lion cages at the zoo. How about that?

I got all sorts of experience cleaning up this shit. He's also the one that puts down the MGM line when they're done with them. Come on and come over to Uncle Slides. It's time for the neck break retirement party. It's just ground beef. We're just going to put a few pills

inside the ground beef. Here we go, buddy. You know, I was noticing this in front of... Any last words, of course, that lions can talk, crack. I was noticing this in front of no time to die. and something else I watched

recently. That's the James Bond picture. That you better believe it. They're toning down the volume with that roar. Oh, wow. Is it scaring people? No, it was always just too loud. It was always like the Netflix dong dong. Oh, the dong, dong. I don't like that.

Well, it's supposed to wake up the oldies. Exactly. The grampies need to be woke enough. Wake the fuck up. The previews are over. The movie's starting. Exactly. Stop staring! You're going to miss James Bond, grandma. At least they still have the line war. Like this new Warner Brothers logo

it's just this. What are we talking about? The quiet one. There's a quiet one in Dune like it's not really. Yeah, you got to see Dune. Yeah, they got it on there. It's just a new like flashy WB. Yeah. It's just very flat. Oh yeah. I'm so exhausted. I, you said

Warner Brothers and I heard Universal and I was like something happened to the planet? The planet intro? No, yes. I have seen that new Warner Brothers. logo. And it is, again, listen folks, flat and smooth does not equal good. I know. Garbage.

Figure of flat and smooth, Kevin James. But yes, the lion is just like, we got to help him. He's going to leave us. We got to figure out what you do. All my zoo keepers are going. All the animals want Kevin James to stay

because he'll take care of them well. He takes good care of them. And I guess also keeps fucking Donnie Wahlberg from flat out murdering them? There's that great detail that Donnie Wahlberg has a stick with a nail on the end of it that he prods

animals with him fucking Moses like it's like a Stephen King villain like he needs a Stephen King ending. Maybe he should be the villain right? Why are we adding Joe Rogan at 38 minutes into the movie? Maybe Donnie Walberg meets Stephanie

the character Lesoth Bibb is playing in this movie at the zoo at night and they hit it off. That's, I mean, that's a cleaner movie and, like, Donnie Wahlberg's a much better actor than Joe Rogan. He absolutely is. Is one of the worst actors I've ever seen. Like, here's the thing, I don't, I don't watch or care for literally everything that Donnie Wahlberg's in. Yeah. But I think he's actually a decent enough actor.

And certainly for, like, what the role is asking of Rogan, like, Donnie Wahlberg could do that in his sleep. Because it's an easy role to be, like, the scummy boyfriend that's, like, kind of, you know, like, a dick that the audience is supposed. to root against, but literally Rogan just has no delivery whatsoever in any of these I've never listened to his show. I have no idea what any of that shit is. He just sucks ass in this movie. It's terrible.

And I was wondering about it because like the only other thing I've seen him act in, which I think he's good in is news radio. He's amazing in news radio. So like I don't, I mean one, this is a fucking Sandler movie so obviously we're not putting a ton of care into the directing of the performances. And also

at this point he was what we now know Joe Rogan to be which you know all the fucking whatever bull semen he's consumed to stay young

and whatever he was a transitional period for Mr. Rogen. He hadn't gone full come drinker doing the Rogan experience I don't think no he's in the DMT rhino horn or whatever I mean yeah like like chicken bones rhinos horns

lots of rhino horns drinks the cum of the chicken nails and such a thing the sensory deprivation tank we like a lot. Oh, he's doing that. Could someone lock the door? Lock the gates.

You're going to throw away the key? I mean, like, yeah, he's like a experience junkie. Like, he likes to be challenged and talk about everything. He, as an actor, I don't even know if he's acting. Like, that's the thing with him. I think he's just there and he's like, yeah, I know Kevin. And, yeah, he asked me to do this role for me. No, yeah, I'm just, I know Kevin from the MMA stuff and he asked me to be in this.

That's what's interesting is like, as much as this is like a Sandman, Happy Manison movie where he, Sandler is always like, let's just have my friends go on vacation and make a movie. This is the Kevin James version of that. So you have Rogan, you have this guy voicing

the wolf who's an ex-MMA legend who's now like an announcer or whatever. What is the MMA connection with Kevin James because he doesn't really look like an MMA guy. Well, he's good friends with Joe Rogan and Joe Rogan announces UFC fights. But I think Kevin James is like, he's like a big

He does train as MMA. He does actually train. He trains as MMA? Yeah, he does. How? You're asking the wrong person. What? You should ask Joe Rogan. I want to see a... I want to see that. I want to see him fight. Yeah, maybe there is footage. There might be. YouTube

is a vast place, Eric. Here comes the boom movie. That's what he's doing. So I think that that's sort of part of it. Was that before or after this? That was after that way. But that's like a movie. I want to see like a towering Russian man like strip him for parts. just fucking break this dude apart.

You know what I mean? Like a real MMA guy should be able to fucking decimate Kevin James, right? Should and would. But the problem is it's not like, because Kevin James has all of that King of Queen's money. Like he's totally fine.

He would never have to get into that desperate fucking like celebrity fighting world, like which is out there. So the elephants or the animals, including the Judd-Apato elephant are like the easiest way for him to win Leslie Bibb back and like stay at the zoo or whatever

is to make him look like a hero so there's going to be a big like fake animal attack and this was I started thinking about the whole idea again of they eventually tell Kevin James like we could always talk but we don't then how is it do you explain like centuries of animals killing human beings

it doesn't make any sense if they're just again if they're like so like neurotic as just talking like human beings, a monkey wouldn't just freak out and rip your face off, right? That's that, that wouldn't happen. Well, that's, I mean, the bear scene is so like, I blanked out.

I was like, what is happening in this scene? Like, they're like, we would like to eat the child here, but because you're being funny and nice, we won't do it, I guess. This is John Favreau is one of the bears. And prior to that, they had a little tit for tat there with the bears about how one of the bears was putting vitamin drops in his water, which is like, I guess he's like pooing or pissing. He's pissing. He's

pissing in the water. So we got, we get talk about like bears eating each other's piss and shit. Yeah, yeah. Another thing, because the bears are always going at it. One of them is like, oh, yeah, I used to have a girlfriend in another zoo. She had an extra claw and she knew how to use it. Yeah, yeah. Now just like the claw going to the asshole. Yeah, that's what it is. A finger my assail. My finger my bear asshole. My fucking bear claw and my fucking asshole, Chris. Worse than that. It's the fucking bullshit. I have a Canadian girlfriend joke with bears. All the jokes of this movie, they're from like 40 years before the movie came out. But now it's funny little animal saying it. So it's different.

I guess. Put a gun in my mouth. But so they try, the lion almost attacks Leslie Bibb and like Kevin James almost saves her but doesn't. This is, oh, God damn it. It pains me to say this. And I'll admit. A couple times throughout this 101 grueling minutes, I had some legitimate laughs. Sure. Including right here where he is running to try to save them. And he attempts to like leap over this huge like, you know, pit or whatever

and fucking falls right into it. And it's pretty funny. But even that, like that would have been a perfect, Farley would have absolutely destroyed that. Because what would have happened? Immediately when he fell, you'd hear like, Oh, son of a. Yeah, there's nothing.

It's just he dead, silent falls to the ground. And that is definitely one of the digitally manipulated ones. That's maybe what I think. Absolutely, because he tries to jump and they slam him into the rock face and he falls down. The only, I had a couple of chuckles at Elephant Apatow had a couple of good lines I thought. Sure. But like, yeah. Also, the lion gang out of the fucking cage.

Yes. I need Zuboss again. Yeah. Zoo boss needs to be like, okay, we're putting down the lion. Exactly. The lion has to die. I'm sorry. I was just trying to help a friend of mine.

Oh, no, you're putting me down. We're going to put that lion down. And then also, you can't be asking me to take a dive. Because we have security cameras in a zoo. Not only are we going to put the lion down, we're also going to take the monkey that apparently knows how to pick locks and give that guy to science because he's a gene. Yeah. And also we're going to put down Kevin James, this human that's in the zoo. I was just trying to help. I can't believe I'm being put down. Can I see my wife one more time?

And they're injecting him. And we get to see the whole thing. I'm getting sleepy. If I could turn back time and not help Kevin Drake's. You'd still be a life. Honestly, do I go Because I have a human voice, do I go to human heaven or lion? Wait, a lion heaven doesn't exist.

Where am I going to go? I would love it. This fucking lion dies and then like toward like the midpoint, a new lion with like Dolph Lundgren's voice. Oh, yes, yes. Dude, if that happened and Stallone found out after the fact he tried to fucking sue

Happy Madison. Fuck that. They know Carl Weathers. Get to get him to do it. you'd be very it would be more interesting of a movie if the animals started to hate Kevin James and then he had to win them back instead of the animals teaching him how to how to fucking impress a human woman. Spoiler, he abandons them at that towards the end of this movie and like they are so happy to see him come back. They're not they don't complain at out. They're like, oh, well, we haven't seen you. Oh, come on, buddy. Get in here. To Eric's point, the next movement of the movie is all of these

dumb animals giving him horrible advice. It doesn't make any sense. I mean, and it's not even like not be yourself like the first, the bears are just like, oh, you have to do a weird bear walk and you have to lead with your pudding cup, by the way. I thought they were talking about

his fucking scrote. It's not his no, it's his gut. Oh, I said, what? I thought it was, it's it's his dick, right? It's fucking the gut that is the balls. Yeah. I don't. I think that's, that's what we're supposed to read. Okay. I read it as ding-dong. I read it as ding-dong, dude.

Maybe, let's split the difference. It's his fupa, okay? Yeah. Like, I assume that, but like, yeah, like, for you, like, I really need somebody, you know, there's a mom, mom the meatloaf reveal later. Yeah. But I need somebody to tell me that he's, like, all there. Because if he believes what this bear is telling him, and then later what the wolf is telling him he's got a mental thing that's he's not yeah the wolf thing the wolf thing he should have been arrested yes because the wolf shows him i mean the bears just like do this crazy stupid walk and he does it it's a silly little kevin james acting like a bear and if you're fucking seven years old and you're the zookeeper you're having a great time if you haven't been hit by

head in the head by a fucking hammer recently it's not so funny um the uh i would rather be hitting the hammer than watch this movie but the the wolf is like oh you have to use your territory show them what's what. So it's like, he's pissing and he's like, now you do do it. You have to peace. It's crazy though, because it's two, it's two scenes of Kevin James pissing in public. Yes. Literally back to back because he's fucking pissing on a tree in the zoo. Well, he piss on the tree with zoo. He gets caught by Rosario Dostin. Which is amazing. You're fired by the way. Oh, he's super fired. He turns around. He's in enclosures, fuck off. Dude, she not only sees him peeing. She sees his little floppy.

Peepicock. She sees like pee coming out of his penis here. This is a thing that happens in movies and when this goes down I never understand it. It's like when someone's taking a leak and someone catches their attention

behind them and they turn around with their penis still out. Like you've got your fucking Johnson in your hand. Floppy peepiecock. But like put it away and then turn around. Yeah. Or don't turn around and be like sorry. I'll be in within a second.

I'm sorry. You know what? I'll admit I'm pissing public. I'm just, please let me finish. He calls it a paper boy. He says he's going to piss on the wolf's leg because it's poisoned. Yes. But like, no, he has to pee. He does

piss on this wolf. This is just my point. Rosario Dawson is there. And it's kind of implied that she knows he's bullshitting. Yes. And it's still like, come on piss on the wolf. Come on piss on the wolf a little bit. Because she's a happy Madison. Cool

girl. Yes. Yes. I'm the happy Madison nasty bitch. Right. And Happy Man is a cool girl who just loves people who eat nachos and just want to do nothing with their lives. Or apparently would love to see a man's nuts be eaten because this wolf in reality would eat the dick. Oh, God, I would love it. I would love to see his dick eat. Chomped up, but no, this fucking, he pisses on the wolf. And then later he's like washing it off and he's like, I'm sorry, buddy.

I'm so sorry. I peed all over you, buddy. Yeah, yeah, there's a scene of him washing the wolf. But then it cuts immediately to that from that. is insane. This isn't crazy. There's literally no setup. There's no establishing shot. There's no him walking into the restaurant. It cuts

to him in the middle of a restaurant, pissing in a fucking flower. In the middle of a restaurant around people, he's got his peepy floppycock out again. Just a restaurant fellas. Engagement party number two. That's right. That is. Or the rehearsal dinner or something.

Maybe it's a rehearsal dinner, but yes. But we're too far from the No, yeah, because then there's the bike race. There's a whole thing. The second engagement party. That's fair. But what the fuck is this even doing? Why isn't he going to the bathroom?

Why is he taking out his pee-p-flop-icoc? No, now it's his area and he'll feel better. I'm like, no, because he's a man and he wouldn't feel that way. I just got it because he's got to mark his territory around where the woman actually is. Yes, that's exactly what it is. But that's so come on, dude. He takes

this wolf's advice verbatim. Why would you do that? Because you're insane. Here's what I do is I pee in a little vile. And I sprinkle it under the table. Oh, yeah. That's a good move. Better move than this. You peepee at home. Where the fucking Major D has got to be like, okay, yeah, you can piss in my restaurant,

piss all over my restaurant. I wish you didn't, but you can. He's caught and the guy says that we have restrooms. Anyway, bye, that's fine. Yeah, you're still totally welcome to dine here, I guess. You are being asked to leave if not arrested. For sure. And that's your fucking pee-pee floppy cacao.

That's how it also seems fine with it. I said it once. that I thought it was funny. I kind of like it because, you know, there's a different kind of cock that's hard, but this is a floppycock. It's a floppycock that's dripping little peas everywhere. And suddenly we're supposed to be like,

that's fine. I'd rather walk around with a raging erection than a pee-b-floppy-coc. Oh, no, they're putting me down and I just peepie floppycocked all over my leg. I don't get it. All I did was pee in one restaurant. They're putting me down. Share, take care of pee-pee-floppy-cock. he was so good to me

I loved peepie floppycock and don't you ever fuck Carl Weather's lion okay you're celibate lion now I can't believe oh no I'm blind already let's get slowly

but yeah see he pees all over this thing like oh sir blah blah blah this is when you know and he goes up to like Leslie Bibb and it's kind of going okay but uh oh here comes Joe Rogan and I mean like every line is just like, just, just say it less, good Joe. Just worse. There was a line that I was amused by and I got mad at myself is when Kevin James goes, what's up? And Joe Rogan responds

immediately without missing a beat everything. And like, if that was in the hands of another actor, I would admit to that being funny. Exactly. I was personally laughing. I was reading my notes. I didn't write down P.P. Floppy God. I wrote down Pissie Dick everywhere. I mean, I think he lost a lot of his comedic timing just yelling and during Fear Factor. Yeah, that makes sense. Oh, the fear. I forgot about the fear factor. So what was that?

What was that? You were like eating bugs or something? You would eat bugs. Jumping off shit. Now, did he do that at all? He was just told other people. No, I think he told other people. I mean, maybe he's a host.

Yeah, he's just the host. Like, okay. He also. 50 grand, you have to, you know, eat this dog shit. Eat my fucking assholes. I think he also was there to like yell and courage. Like, you'd be like, come on, you could do that. One more word.

Put your legs into it. Yeah, exactly. Like Stone Cold Steve Austin on the Broken Skull Challenge. But that also might have been how him and James are close. Because James got started. He was one of the guys.

Yes, he was eating shit all the time at restaurants even. It's actually, it's like the subcard on the Nathan's July 4th hot dog contest. It's like the warm up back. How much shit can you eat? Yeah.

We'll get to the hot doors. You got to eat shit in spiders. This is a fucking TV show. Nathan's turd restaurant on Kony. island, yeah. Not as well known as Nathan's hot dogs. A curd would fit into a bun pretty well. The word actually depending on, yeah. Anyway, what are you saying? Kevin James started on candid camera. He was one of the guys who did candid camera pranks. Oh, wow. That makes so much when they brought it back in the nine. That fucking sucks. Jesus. I don't remember

that. I do remember what it came back and I don't remember Kevin Jane. No, that's, I remember when it came back. But I didn't know. He was one of the associated with it. He was like one of the guys confused pizza boy. I'm already envisioning what this is. But so he comes in and now he's like, and again, like, you have a history with this woman. I mean, obviously, she apparently just broke up with this guy, Joe Rogan. So, like, it's fresher. And, like, she's like, oh, that's Gail. It's my boyfriend.

So, you know, I got to go talk to him. So, but they're not together then? Or they're not together. They did just break up. Oh, I was under the, okay. Before the movie started. There was some introduction. Not that it matters.

But it's like, oh, that's my ex-boyfriend. And this is my ex-boyfriend when they introduced them. Oh, got it. And that doesn't matter, but then the next day is he just like gets flummoxed and runs away and goes to his animal friends like, I can't. He's in great shape. He's Joe Rogan. I mean, he kind of looks like shit. I mean, he looks like shit in the face. I'll say that. He looks awful. I mean, I'm sure he looks like shit in the face now. I haven't watched him recently. But boy, does he look like shit in the face here. He had just started the shitty face era in this movie. Did it like start squitting more? What is what? happening with this face. He grows not as bad as it is now. Now he looks like a baby that got blasted with gamma radiation. But that's because he grew it, he's accepted it fully.

Like it's always a black t-shirt. He's like a baby guy now. Yeah, yeah. I mean, like that's all he's going to be for the rest of it. But here he doesn't have it under control. He just looks like he looks like he wandered out of the desert onto set. Yeah, he looks like he's always eating something sour or something. It looks like, God.

But I have to say, I think the smooth baby cueball shave works better for him than this. This hair, it's the spray can hair. It looks terrible. Yeah. It looks absolutely terrible. But so he's going to his animal friends.

Like, how am I supposed to, what am I going to do here? Which one says you have to separate her from the pack? I think these are the lions. The lions. Yeah. So this is, I think this is the long line really good. The herd. You got to separate her from the herd.

Yeah. She's all alone. You can fucking take her down. Listen, you got to get her into a corner and you put your arm against the exit. And then she. feels threatened enough that she feels like she's your girl friend. You follow her home and then you wait for a dark alley

and then you put her sure in there and then you have a nice talk. You're going to lock her in a basement. All of these things I've done as a lion. I'm a romantic, you see. So yeah, it's part of like, I guess, the wedding party bonding activity. Fuck your mother. Yes, what you've got me

for the engagement party, the bachelor party. If I'm in it, the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. That is it. That is four days and they better be fucking spread out. There better be no pre-matrimonial exercising in your fucking, I swear to God, I will come for you. Any games or activities or fucking brunches are not in the cards. A friend of mine did one once that I thought was totally great. It was the day of the wedding. There was like a golf game. Okay. And I, it was great because I was like, listen, man, I do not golf. can I drive the golf cart

and just kind of like make sarcastic comments and stuff and he was like absolutely and it was awesome because driving a golf cart's fun as fuck that's fun. Yeah that's cool I would say fuck your mother and kids are if that was the this is like I don't want to fucking half marathon we're cycling here

no no fuck your mother with an eye iron and this is like it becomes a competitive thing between KJ and Rogi and it's like you know he's I don't know if he's like late or whatever, but he rides up and the guys like, oh, all the bikes

are gone. This big wedding party took the ball and he's like, oh, I'm in that. You got to help me out. And he's like cut to because like, this is what this guy is. This is what happens to these characters. He's now in this embarrassing like pseudo recumbent bicycle that looks like a silly helmet

on. Yeah. You have like some Bachman Turner over, like all the fucking classic rock radio shit all throughout this. I think they do free ride during this. That's fucking another happy Madison thing. Oh, it's a happy Madison thing. Absolutely. It's just the 70s yacht rock horse shit.

And it's just like, I've seen it in movies. Which I like. Not in movies. I just like listening to it. Like here's the thing. Up until last night, I fucking loved Boston's more than a feeling. Oh yeah. It's ruined for you now.

Holy shit. The end of this movie, the end credits world, the animals are singing it in the animal voices. It's like we're setting the movie in Boston. How about Boston? is the band. Now we're going to do a movie in Chicago and Chicago is the band. And you got Adam Sandler

fucking doing the monkey voice. It's all the day. In the park. The thing that's amazing about all this animal singing, the ending is horrible, but the worst one, I almost want to wait for the gorilla singing

apple bottom jeans. Oh, well, we're going to get. and the boots with the frown. I want to love it. I'm not shinging that. You're getting somebody else for that. You can't get somebody to do an impression to me. That's what that, I mean, this thing happens, whatever.

He gets more humiliated. The middle of the movie is like, oh, poor Bernie the gorilla, what am I going to do with him? He won't even talk to him yet. He's like the last animal to talk to him. By this point where we're at in the movie, he has already started talking to him. But we find out all this crazy backstory shit because the gorilla starts talking. and like, uh, he gets him like a, he brings him a bucket of popcorn or something. Yes.

And he says like, leave it by the door. And that's like, he's like, oh, making, you know, break through here with this gorilla or whatever. But there's one part where he's, oh, man, I totally lost my train of thought with this gorilla. It's talking. Oh, yeah. The gorilla's so the gorilla's talking and it's saying stupid shit.

He talks about how, uh, he was abused by, yes, the scandal with Donnie Walberg. He also got it. I think he's electrocuted me. Yeah, he's like, I grabbed, I grabbed the stick. And he said that I attacked him. Oh, that's right. Yeah, Donnie Walbert framed this gorilla. So now he's in like, he's in like a gorilla solitaire,

like a fucking Hannibal Lecter situation. And dude, so much so that like when he's like in the midst of helping him out or whatever. And Kevin James is like, oh, you know, what can I do for you, buddy? He's like, well, you're like, you're going to get my view back. I want to make a drawing of this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, incidental. You know, Kevin James, come in here. Love your suit. I would never have that happen to you, Kevin James.

Oh, man. Like the little, Adam Sandler could throw cum on him or something. Oh, absolutely. Oh, madman mix. but so one of the things this gorilla says is TGi Friday's as amazing as they think it is

where what is this frame of reference for this is there a television set in here it needs to be a thing where like he is in view of a fucking TV yeah because how else does he know about TG Friday's word of mouth because we're in a fucking fantasy world where people enjoy TGF Friday is that it's fine but people enjoy TGF Friday

I would just like to believe it's he's because the only person he really has contact with is Donnie Wahlberg. And Donnie Wahlberg has to like save up to a four TGI Fridays. He's talking about that's where he takes his girls kind of a situation. Right. And the thing is, bro, we got mudslides

at TGI Fridays this weekend. I was wasted. I got a 40 ounce Sam and a big boot. I drank it. I mean, you have to ignore Donnie. Everything they tell you about Donnie Wahlberg, you kind of have to ignore because he starts, it's like a Garth Ennis character by the end.

of it. Like the mother's shit and like, the mother shit is insane because it's like, oh, he's a, because we're coding him as like a loser. Yes, exactly. But Kevin James is a loser. Exactly. But he doesn't torture animals. Do we actually ever see Kevin James's home? We do it like twice. Like briefly.

The exterior. He runs into take a dump or something. He runs home at one point and that's the weird thing where you see on, on the TV in his house is an old episode of the Sabrina The Teenage Witch Show. Right. Yes. Because the guy, there's, there's, there's two zoo weirdos.

It's Ken Jong and other guy. Yes. Other guy, among many other things, voiced Salem the cat on that show. And wrote this movie. Oh, is that right? He co-wrote this movie. He belongs to be in jail. Yeah.

Oh, out-jixed. Or a fucking gorilla cage. But we need more time at the Kevin James home. We need to see him lonely or whatever is happening. Well, that's the thing. That, that, that, that, that, it's the big difference is. Donnie Walberg lives with his mom. Kevin James lives alone with nobody.

If you're mapping this out right, if our theory holds that this was just a Sandler movie that he kicked down to one of his underlings, the thing that all of those Sandler movies always have, including up and two Hooby Halloween, is like there's always some sort of parental something or other or like dead parents. The parents are dead,

the wedding singer, but they acknowledge it. But what is that connection? I guess because they're just baby men. That's all the movies they make at Happy Madison. And they also like no older funny people. And they actually break like they have history with these people. They've been around enough. So there's older funny people in these movies.

There are like the lady from a happy Gilmore's fantastic. The rapping lady is. Yeah. Yeah. You're naming a movie that was like 20 years before this. Who's that? Well, the mother who turns out to be like the villain of June Squibb and the Hubey Halloween is the same show around.

That's the thing. When you bring it, Adam Sandler has all of his friends over and all his friends are really fucking talented. Yeah. Kevin James asks all of his friends to come over and make a movie. All of his friends are fucking the worst people in the world. It's Joe Rogan and his crew. And the other guy from King of Queens who does the pizza guy voice, Gary Valentine, who I believe is his actual brother. Bass Routen, this fucking the MMA guy. That's the guy who voices the wolf. But the way, who Gary, Valentine, what guy's at? I believe he's he does the pizza guy voice on the phone when they're calling for all this pizza. And that's his real life

brother? Yes, who's in. So why is it not James? I think just because Kevin James's name is actually like Kevin I saw it on his IMDB. It's like some of these fucking fake names dude. That's it because if your name is Sadak or Siska, you host a podcast. If my name is Stephen, you know, whatever.

If I was Eric James, suddenly I'd be a beloved fatman. It's exactly like when my sister is doing theaters, she does not use her real name because Jupin is not a fucking market. But written by Eric Sack. Right here. I just think it's a bit of, yeah. Kevin, Kevin, Kevin James was born Kevin George Nipfing. Nipfing. Nipfing. K Nip Fing. Can, okay, listen, Sedaq and Siska. Fine. Not bad. Nipfing. This is like a, like a titula, the vampire. It is. It's titula.

Breast you love? What movies are you watching, dude? I'm fucking better ones than this. What am I watching here? I got a Nip thing. Honestly. What is this Netflix show that he has? Oh, it's like some.

NASCAR shit? Yeah, it's NASCAR shit. The crew? He plays a NASCARman. Life in the garage swerves off track for a NASCAR crew chief, which I guess is him. And his tight-knit racing team when a new boss steps in. I'd rather be hit by a car.

car, then watch this. Crew boss. So he, the monk, the gorilla demands to go to TGI Fridays. Yes. Well, you're so depressed, Bernie. Let me help you out. You'll wear a t-shirt and we're saying we're at a costume party.

And I mean, like this gorilla looks terrible. Looks like trading places to gorilla. But I mean, like, you would, if you saw a fucking real gorilla, like, holy shit, that's a real fucking gorilla. Well, yeah, they're using. I mean, also, when you're, from the moment, Kevin James opens the door

and comes out to the actual zoo with the gorilla. Start seeing how many times you can say the word fired before the end of this sequence. Like my fucking God a million, not millions, hundreds dead.

A fake gorilla would be drier. This is like a wet gorilla. This is when they're in the van and sing an apple bottom jeans. You can notice because every time they go to have the gorilla, to sing a part, it's very low. Like, it's like,

right. Yes. That fucking song. God damn it. Was like the Macarena, but for like 2010. Like, it was in like 70 movies.

I, it was in Tropic Thunder. Yeah. It was in a bunch of movies. I didn't recognize the song. I forget where it, the origin is, it was for a movie I feel.

Who sings the song? It's not TV. I don't remember. Fuck's an apple bottom gene. What I don't even fucking mean? I bet you it's in at least 30. movies of that era. It is all over that era.

So he like takes this gorilla on a drive at first and they're singing this song and just driving around and then like they he was like well it's getting a little bit late you know or they go back you're like you fucking fired. He ordered 30 oranges

at fucking TGI Fridays. Well that's what they get to the restaurant. Oh sorry. I got one more thing to show you and you can see he stops the car and the TGI Friday's logo is reflected in the windshield and Nick Dalton as the gorilla goes, shit urp. That made me laugh, I'll be honest.

But yes, you orders 30 oranges. Which is like, they don't have fresh fucking fruit or produce TGI Friday. I'm sorry, if it's not microwavable, you're not getting it a TGI Friday. You have better chance of getting uranium than you do one orange at a TGI Friday. Can you bring me a rod of uranium?

Some yellow cake for the table. Frutonium, please. Now I just put it on a nash out of your radium. Okay. It was Step Up 2. Oh, this was all over the fucking Flowrida and T-Pan. Okay.

I guarantee you it's in thousands of movies. Well, I saw Step Up 2, so I saw it there, I guess, in some capacity. Yeah. But so we're having a great time. So he gets sturdy or just the woman is like, wow, it's a really realistic costume. Yeah, it is. Yeah. You want to fuck, lady.

I want to fuck you in the bathroom. This is fucking insane. Well, you know why I think... Oh my God, slow dancing the night away? The Ghostbusters and a gorilla dance the night away. Do you see who the server is though, TGF Friday? It's Jackie Sandler. Of course, dude.

Oh, you got to squeeze her in there. But then this other lady, he's slow dancing. Oh, yeah. I got a fucking gorilla hard on. If you were dancing with some... If you were dancing with some... somebody and you felt a monkey cock against your leg, A, you would know

it's a monkey cock, and B, you'd be terrified. Yeah, the whole Fridays is massacred in one quick, like, dude, does he get... The smell of it, a gorilla getting aroused would make you throw up. That's true. Whatever fair bones are going on. But in the world of this movie, I guess he gets laid, right?

I think he kind of does. Well, there's a bunch of dumb shit that happens here, including like, where did he get that guitar? I don't know where the guitar It's a thing where it's like we're having a crazy night out. Sure. At the bar at

TGI Friday. It's just so great there everyone. It's so wonderful. Everyone is blasted, wasted, you know, singing to the rafters at the bar at TGI Friday. And at one point Kevin James was just playing this guitar that he go, like this party gets so wild.

He smashes the guitar over the bar. Like this is a chain fucking restaurant, 45 minutes and go home. Where did the can foosball table come from? Yeah. News to me, chain restaurants is having foosball tables in the middle of it. My note for the slow dance

was even the gorilla knows how to be a better human than Kevin James. That's true. He can talk to a woman better. That's actually true. That says a lot of that. You gotta go up to me like, hey man, you got to do something. You got to be yourself. I just go up to these ladies and I'm just like,

ah, you know, I'm a gorilla. Hey, Kevin James, come here, quick, quick, quick, quick. she wants to do coke in the bathroom I never did coke before said you coke with her in the bathroom Is that gonna make me like really angry Wanna punch stuff Dude if so

That's that's the movie right The movie just fucking turns on a dime And he does coke in the TGR Friday's bathroom And then it's like fucking ape rage Yeah Running through Boston Aren't they making a movie Heads off called cocaine gorilla or something

Pardon me? I think there's a movie being made about I think that's isn't it Am I remembering this right? Elizabeth Banks is directing it, speaking of... That sounds right to me. It sounds wonderful, but I have not heard of this. It's based on a true story,

I think, of, like, a gorilla, like, accidentally did a bunch of coke or something like that. Oh, no, it's cocaine bear. Elizabeth Banks movie. Oh, it's a bear. Is that a monkey? Yeah, so it's like a bear that has a lot of cocaine. It's going to conflict with my project, which is, hey, hey, gorilla massacre.

The bear who ate 80s. pounds of cocaine. Holy shit. That sounds like a great movie. And survived? Damn. Dude, I didn't see the movie yet. Yeah, you don't want to go with him. He's got a peepy floppy car. You want a big gross dick like mine. Most unbelievable part of all this is like, so after the rager at TGI Fridays, they're sitting on the roof of this van.

And you're telling me, Kevin James and a full on gorilla. Are laying on the roof of this van without structural collapse? I don't think so. No, it's flat. It's a flat bed. You can't just have a fucking huge gorilla on the roof of a car? No, no. Come on.

They start trying to get off and the fucking, all the tires pop at the same time. Dude, and then in the saddest part of this whole movie, he's like, you know what, Kevin James? You're my best friend. That's not good. What? I mean, so the IRS has a gun to his head. Is this how this works? Nulti?

Yeah, I think he's got some tax problems. I think that was, it had to be like, ah, it's your sister and seven years in jail. God damn it, I'm going to buy it's a fucking gorilla. Sure, I love TGI Fridays. Whatever the fuck you want, Adam. Whatever you want, Adam. All right.

How much extra if I actually sing the Florida song? The florida. Yeah, oh yeah. Mango jeans, whatever the fuck it is. Furry boots. I love them. Pay me. I'm going to go.

away for a decade. I can't do that time. I'll die at the ass. I will. I'll sing T-Dash pain. If I ever see that account, I'll fucking strangle him. And no, I don't want to be part of the happy Madison stable.

Lose my number. If you lose it, call me again, I'm going to hire a real gorilla to rip you fucking balls off. I go, hey, I would you ride butler. Ro, if I ever see Rob Schneider near my house, I will put him into the sun. God damn, someone sent Rob Schneider to Nick Nolte's have. You would tear him limb from limb. Rob Schinder's new thing is like the vaccines are fake or something. I think, yeah.

Whatever he could be wrong about, he wants to be through. Whatever will, whatever will help the public be remun. minded over the fact that Rob Schneider hasn't been dead in the ground for 20 years. It's crazy that he's not dead. You know, it's sort of like a Mandela effect.

No, that guy's dead. No, Rob Schneider died in like the 90s. No, no, he's got like a show on Netflix. Are you sure? Like, right I think I'm in a different universe now. I don't think I was dead. Right after Home Alone too. Just boop. Drop dead.

Oh, man. And if only jokes, satire parody. Then it's the wedding. And I think Cher finally comes up with the great idea. The only way she'll like you is if she sees you with somebody else. Well, I guess that incredibly gorgeous woman that I work with and flirt with all the time. I can go on a fake date with her. So that that incredibly gorgeous woman I used to date will like me again.

What I wouldn't do for Cher to be like, well, there's nobody, there's nobody. gorgeous working at this. I guess you're going to have to settle for Rosario or me. Take the lion. Because she could talk, dude. She could talk. And it worked with Nick Nolte. Exactly. You put like a little like trench coat on. It's like

costume party. And then you fucking have a few too many margaritas and you're banging a lion. That's right, Kevin James. I'll just put on this big blonde wig and I could be your lion date. It's been terrible Share impression. I'll tell you one thing about Gail, Kevin James.

I don't think he believes in love after love. I don't think he does. Let's go dance. I still can't get over this Leslie Bibb, Rosario, Dawson, Kevin James. Love triangle. So he goes up to her and he's like, oh, please, please, please. I'll give you half my lunch for the rest of the year. What are you in grade school?

Of course he is. I'm eating. You see what this is? Kevin James. This is a salad that I made from home. I like my salad. That's all I need. I don't want your fucking peanut butter and banana sandwich, you dick. He definitely just tosses down a fucking Ziploc bag with a bad P.B. and James guaranteed.

I don't understand how that is a thing. Cut diagonally because he's a fucking psychopath. Oh, my God. That's the only thing I can relate to. That's my-serial killer shit. Oh, he's like me. That's my famous sandwich, a BBM, a bacon, bacon and mayonnaise. And she's like, no, thank you.

It's a bowel movement in mayonnaise. Quick question, though, because she does fall in love with him. Did she get hit in the head with a hammer, too? She must have been. There should have been a construction accident or something. I'm going to be a little rude here. Here we go. What's more unrealistic?

Rosario Dawson and Kevin James hooking up. Yeah. Or Rosario Dawson and Brian Clerks 2's, not even Clerks 2's Brian O'Hallor. Right. Hooking up. I think Kevin James makes a lot more sense. I think Clerks 2 earns it more. I haven't seen it forever since it came out.

But like, at least you see the relationship blossom in some way. There's nothing to this. I agree with Eric. 1,000% Brian O'Halloran in that movie never asks her to go on a fake date. That's fair. You know. There's no, here's my lunch. I'm a fucking baby.

Here's my lunch. He like has a thing for her in that movie and acknowledges it. Like, yeah, he's doing weird shit. Like, oh, Beck's come into the back office and I'll paint. your toenails, but we're not in a sexual relationship, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, it's way more fucking believable. They're both unrealistic. Okay, thank

you, Eric. That's the answer I wanted. I mean, yeah, we're talking about, like, which could I fucking drive to first, Steve, Mars, or Venus? Okay. Yeah. If she's introducing either as this is my husband or my partner or my boyfriend, I'm having a heart attack either way.

What? But, like, in that in that movie, there's certain tender moments, however, fake they might be or whatever. But in this, it's just, you saw my pissy floppy car. Well, because, Brian O'Halloran never caught pissing in public. I'm sorry, you cannot come back from having your little maggot pee out a little bit in front of this woman and have her desire it. Well, definitely that's why it doesn't work with Leslie Bibb is because she saw him do

that next to drinks. Whereas like, yeah, at the cage, apparently Rosario Dawson doesn't of a shit about her workplace. No, no, no, no. It's all over it. But she's like, I'll do it. That sounds like fun. It'll be like an adventure. I'm an idiot.

I have literally no life. It's like that Saturday too. Like, good luck. She comes out in, I mean, like, it's Rosario Dawson. She comes out in a moderately, uh, she did her hair. She did her hair. It's like a black dress. It's a nice black dress.

Yeah, fuck it. It's a smoke show. Of course. But it's, but it's, but he's like, oh my. my God, wait, what? And it's like, yeah, it's been Rosario Dosson the whole time. Exactly. And she didn't even have glasses on. Exactly. You took the words

right out of my mouth. It's ridiculous. It's not hot for teacher, but some hot for teacher-esque song is playing. Bon or banjo. Happy Madison, cool girl, dude. Also, it's crazy. He starts like fucking berating her. He's like, no, you fucking dress too high, you stupid

idiot. Everyone's going to know this is fake. You're too She's like, I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you, you maniac. Hey, great detail, not to backtrack too far, but he leaves his cellular telephone with these animals, right? Yeah. And he's, you know, Nick Nulte, great line here. All the animals are gathered around to see him off to the wedding.

He goes, if you get the jam, call us. What? Like, they call them like, oh, I don't know what to do, animals. He does, but it's just like Maybe you guys can attack the party. Like, what the fuck would the help be? Hold on a quick question. Yeah, oh, you're totally help.

What's your wedding? I have no conception to what that could be. I ask not because of your thing, but because that girl at T.J. Fridays asked me to get married. I just knocked her up. Oh, shit. The condom broke. No!

Sprayed my gorilla glue all over. You wanted the monkey to fuck her. And I did. I fucked it. Oh, gross. Hey, Adam Sandler's monkey suggests to throw shit. That's right. And that's like a joke.

And then, like, Judd Apatow, whatever elephant is scared. Mostly because he was abused previously in a video in 2005. Take the flamethrower to that one. But yeah, they go to the wedding and, like, you know, Leslie Bibbs a bit jealous at first, but then it kind of subsides. And then Joe Rogan's like, hey, we took this ballroom dance class. And here we go. Let's eat up four minutes off the clock.

This is crazy because, like, here's why this makes it, it's impossible. Again, in a movie where animals are talking, this is a crazier thing. Because you can tell this is like a hyper-man. managed wedding. It's insane. It's big. There's tons of people there, whatever. There's absolutely no way that this bridal party would sanction

of fucking off the cuff. The attention being brought off the bride and groom for this ballroom dancing. No way with this. It's a shi-lop anyway. They did this big dance and then Kevin James like, oh my God, that's our song. And Rosary Dossett has to be like, this was a huge mistake. I really, I thought it was like an auspice. like that was his way like he tried to you know trick he's quote unquote tricking me into going on a day

with him because like maybe I like this guy oh no this is a huge mistake yeah absolutely this is the big this is the most pathetic part of the movie I can't take it because it's like she's having fun with you they end up trying to dance yes and they're all over each other and he's like no no I got to try to win this girl who didn't like me back this is when they do the there's I guess for some reason, like that shit you do in yoga class, those like weird rope. I was calling them Cirque du Soleil's curtains. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't know why they're there.

The things that you can swing on. People working the wedding tell them not to use them. Yes. What are they there for? I don't know. We had an exercise motif, a theme for exercise. I'm assuming there's a deleted scene where somebody like they had a Cirque de Soleil person

to do something. There has to be. Also, why isn't there like a surly father of Kevin James and Nat Fax? Why isn't there literally anyone at this wedding that is not their age range? It's like the four, it's like the four or five central characters of the movie. Yeah. And then a bunch of extras.

But you need to be a thing where the, like there's a dad or uncle. A toast. Something. Now Kevin James don't fuck this up again. Do we even see the cake? No, you don't. And because the end of this movie should be the wedding.

It should just be like a 30-ish minute wedding scene where like a bunch of little shit happens. And we all learn a lesson at the end. He's like, you know what, Lizzie Bibb? Go fucking. yourself, I like Rosario Dawson. Also, monkeys can talk. And you can get like an animal jumps out of the cake or whatever. Sure. That's the end of your movie. It's great. And here's the thing. Here's how you naturally work in the animals to it. It's like, uh-oh, there was a problem at the venue. Our wedding's ruined. Uh-uh. The hero zookeeper says, hey. It's going to feed all these

animals to you because he ran out of food. Come have the wedding at the zoo. Animals can be there and it is dumb, but at least makes like structural stories. sense. Instead of like the last 20 minutes of this movie, he's an evil car sense. He could neg a Leslie Bibbs saying she belongs in the zoo. That's right. Oh, they belong in the fucking gorilla cave. That's

the last thing that they get. I think that's this is also from Sylvester Stallone line where it's like, yeah. Oh, you got to treat her like shit, dude. And right when she's feeling really bad, you just hit it with a compliment. So like he goes up to her after this insane aerial dance scene,

which I don't need to talk about. It's very silly. It's very stupid. Here's the dumb part that's frustrating about it though is eventually like he like Rosario stops doing it and Kevin James like really gets into it and he's flying around the whole room and of court of course he's going to

humiliate himself. Yeah of course yeah but they have way too many like minutes going by of him flying through the air and I'm like well he's going to fall into something can we just get to it where is the wedding planner losing her goddamn mind and that

In a Sandler movie, that would be a funny cameo from somebody. He falls into this ice sculpture after totally knocking the legs out from under the bride and, like, making her fall down and is not asked to leave the wedding. Matt Faxon's like, oh, she's cool. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I knew it was going to happen. I just wish it was funny. Like, you know, Chris Farley, one example.

Fucking Philip Seymour Hoffman and along came Polly. One of the funniest fucking fat guy wedding type of shit you'll ever see. Oh, God, yeah. Him fucking slipping on that dance floor because of shoes. Oh, my God. Funny. And this, I guess because like a lot of that shit and a lot of Farley's, you know, yelling is unexpected in a way.

Right. And this is just, you know what's going to happen. You know, it's just Kevin James. His body's going to barrel into something. And he's just going to be like, I'm sorry. He's going to yell. He'll probably yell about something. I just can't.

So he starts treating Leslie Bibb like shit. She's like, oh, wow. I wrote that this one. Looking good freckle chest. Yes. A.K. you got freckles on your tits. Remember? Yeah, I remember what I saw those things?

I need dessert. Go. Get me dessert. Oh, right. Four words. I need dessert now. Desert first. He does the reverse chair. Oh, yeah. He pulls the slater. You're sexy.

It's a, it's a Sylvesterlo line. When you're overweight, you don't want to, like, steal her food and make you. You don't want to make it about food. It's what I'm, where I'm going here. yeah i'm gonna i'm kevin james i'm gonna get a woman by yelling at her to feed me ice cream and shit you don't want her to relate you to the consumption of food constantly like you know you can you know fact can be power it's a powerful thing to be a larger man but what you don't want to be like just hammering down her food and then your food because she's not gonna be like whoa he ain't

like four ice cream sunday i'm horny as fuck that's not good and happy. That to me is almost like I thought I dreamt the Yergen scene where... Oh, that's coming up. Coming up, yeah. Because she's like oh, well, he gets in the car with Rosario Dossett and she's like, wow, that was so

much fun. It was like Robin and Bang and it was yeah, it was so much fun. And the Luzziab was like, hey, can you let this Puerto Rican lady out of the car so I can ride it? And everyone's like, that's uncomfortable, but that's pretty much the point of the movie. And it's that thing where like she, you get from when they get back in the car, you get that like, Rosario

her character has been like, oh yeah, like, I want this dude's ding-dong. Like, here it comes. Oh, yeah. I saw the, I saw the Pee-P floppycock. I want to see the other, the other side of it. There was a brief, by the way, a brief moment when, uh, uh, Leslie Bibb goes to get him desserts. Yes. Where, uh, Joe Rogan shows up. Oh, yeah. Talks down to Joe Rogan and puts him in his place by pointing out that his name Gail belongs to a woman. And you have a woman name. isn't that funny that is Kevin James's

humor I guess He does it for like three minutes And again if you're nine years old You're slapping your knee Because he has the same type of Not funny insults at a party coming up later on It gets really weirdly homophobic Towards the end for like again

Like we're almost out of the woods here Like the movie's almost over But we forgot So like whatever like she gets in the car And she's like wow I really like you now You need to quit being a zookeeper and then be my boyfriend. And he's like, well, I guess I will quit being a zookeeper and be your boyfriend. There's an insane thing where she's like, oh, tomorrow, like I've got, I'm going to this fashion show or whatever.

And he's like, oh, geez, I got to work tomorrow. And she's like, oh, well, I thought we were done with all that. And then in like his badass mode, he's like, yeah, you know what? Let's somebody else zoo keep tomorrow. And I'm like, all right, I guess these animals will feed them. or just call it a work like every American's always done when they had it something else up. But you know, no, no, I'm going to quit my job and at the end of the movie I'm just going to go back like it didn't happen

and that's fine. He canstanzas. He does. He totally castanzas and then he steals a fucking truck or whatever with an ape or the gorilla or whatever. I don't know the differences. At the fashion show, there's a whatever, an effect German gentleman with the dog and

this is what he's like, you look like an old lady. Hey, Siegfried, where's wrong? And all those people. Where's the chocolate factory, Willie Wonk? And then he laughs at his own jokes. Like, he's like, yes,

you're belittling this fashion designer. Go, fat guy, go. But it's not nearly as big as what he puts his sights back on Leslie Bibb. He's like, who let this one out of the barn? Yeah. I'm like, Jesus, man.

It's this weird thing where like this guy, Yergan is shitty to him. Yes, sure. So then it's this whole thing where like. It calls up like a chaotic pile who's ruining the vibes. Accurate. A waste of space, which I think is quite accurate. All accurate, Yergan. Yergan, most intelligent character in the film.

Love Yergan. But, like, Kevin James takes that as like, oh, the way people run in this animal pack is they're all fucking nasty to each other. So that's what I'm going to do. And that's what works. He becomes the most popular guy at the fucking fashion show. Which makes it a sense. No, it does not. He would not be allowed in. And he goes to Rosarian Dosson and tells her that he's quitting and she's heartbroken. Leslie Bill says to him I really just think that zoo is holding you back Come on It's a steady job He's the senior zookeeper

It's a big job It's a big zoo In a city This is when like time stops making sense Because he quits And then it seems like he's moved in With Leslie Binn Yes

He has a job with his brother At the fancy car export thing It's all like European small car things, which he's too fat to get into. Now, I think I'm accurate here. What's really dumb about this is he

takes the job at the dealership and works a whole shift. And then goes to the zoo and is like, hey, by the way, I think I'm going to quit. Yes, I think that's right. Yeah. Okay. He's like, I'm doing this now. He's become a star at the car dealership by the time he quits the our job.

So there must be a month there. where he is just all day long. Burned the candle at both ends or something? Yeah, just doing the two jobs and then getting like one hand job a week from Leslie Bibb. Well, this is what the movie becomes. Remember in that Simpsons episode when they rebuild Ned Flanders' house?

And they're like, this is your bedroom. And it's like, it's like the fourth perspective, but it's actually actually gets smaller. And then it's your master bit. Barney's on the inside. Oh, something's not right there. Because it's like, that's how like shoddy the rest of this movie is. Big time.

from a narrative standpoint. Yeah, we ran out of carpeting, so we just painted the dirt. Pretty clever. It's exactly that. So what if he, I don't know, kind of like belittles

this other car dealership guy for a little bit? That'd be good for some laughs, right? Who's this other guy? I thought for, I thought twice in this, in two separate scenes

that this was Steve Ran Azisi. Although this is, he's been, he's in like almost every scene that Nat Faxon is in. This guy is also in just so that fucking can Kevin James is better than him.

By the way, not to miss the nepotism. Remember at the start of his time at the car dealership, he sells that dude the little like motorcycle or whatever the fuck it is four by four. Adam Sandler's nephew, if you can even live it. Oh, wow. Oh, good for him. Oh, he's in sack now, good.

You're going to pay me more if you put your fucking nephew in it. This is money laundering Adam. That's what I got in trouble for. Learn for my fucking mistakes. Then you'll end up in zoo. Oh, you are in Zookeeper. Okay, but imagine a movie you didn't want to be it. Also, just general advice. Stick with the normal drugs.

It gives you a real stigma if you go from the path. If it's from the ground, chop it down. So what happens here? Leslie Bibb decides she made a mistake those five years ago. and proposes to them. They go back to her apartment. This is a silly chair situation. They never, do they explain what she does in the movie?

No. What she does? They don't explain if they're living together. It's a woman. Why would we say anything about it? I mean, I guess like, yeah, he is selling these, like, import cars and like, you know, the commission, I need to do these. I'm sure is fucking sweet, but like, that takes a little while for the, you got to put

your W-9. Again, no, with like, with the timing of all of this, you're totally right because it's like, yeah, you can make that kind of sick money selling cars. Don't even worry about it. But like it seems like it takes two weeks and they have this fucking gorgeous apartment. She's buying a chair that there's only 15 of in the world. And to be clear, we'd never, never find out what she's just a buyer for sacks. Is that it?

You got more than me if you heard that. I think that's what I got. I have no idea what she does. I just know women don't really do things. Rosario Dawson, like she tries to. revived that line. And that's the last we ever see of her literally doing anything. She's resorted the only other time she's like working at the zoo. She's given tours and eating a salad and like fucking Leslie Bibb is just like it's like it is literally like the

women be shopping jokes. She's like I'm going to buy this and I bought this and that's the other thing. And I'm going to do. Yeah. And I'm slitting myself in the tub. And oh, then tomorrow we have an absent tasting. Isn't that going to be great? I'm kind of saying. Oh, wow, I totally missed that. I have to admit, like the last 25 minutes of this movie, I was surfing the web. How could you do that? I was looking at the internet, man.

Not even the IMDB for the movie. I was just reading things on the internet. The whole thing is he feels very bad because you get your grandpa to buy a Lamborghini. Oh, right. Oh, right. This old guy's like, well, I don't know. I have grandchildren. And he's got some line like, oh, you could stick him behind the seat here

and pretend they're, like, hiding. Like, you kidnapped your own. Oh, well, I have kidnapped my own grave. How did you know? Wait. Oh, now I have to kill you, too. Oh, you know about the Red Shack off of Route 9? Oh, you'll have to go, too.

Yeah, so they call me the Yellow King. But, yeah, I mean, like, you see the apartment thing, and she's doing the yoga, and that's kind of like the last straw for him, and then they go back to the dealership, and, he the final straw with that is like he's racing again to the god with his little rival or whatever yeah the rival to like sell this fucking high roller a car and he's doing the stupid Kevin James fast walk and realizes like no I don't want this and stops and then that's when Leslie Bibb corners him and again man public proposals no way in front of this whole

dealership yeah she's like I made a mistake and will you marry me me and he does he says exactly what she said back to him and like someone in the audience was clapping I bet uh not in mind give it to her yeah it's important to also state that during his time as the evil car dealer when he goes to tell Nick Nalty that he's quitting the zoo he's like I always knew that humans lie and I can't believe I trusted you and we had all those funions and totally fair totally Or TGF Fridays, right? If you see that lady, Rebecca,

pretend you don't know me. If they're not poking you with a real nail stick, they're poking your feelings with a nail stick. If you see a kid that looks like a human Z, keep walking. Don't give him my address. Oh, God, I did a crime against nature. He actually, the only positive thing he does, like, during, his time as an asshole is when he tells Donnie Walberg

that if he ever hears about him hurting the animals ever again, he's going to go to his house and beat him in front of his mother. But that's happy Madison fucking tough guy shit. Yeah. Tough guy. I mean, he does do it. Let's just get this. Yeah, whatever. Whatever. So like the Mary, she has a mariachi ban with this proposal. He says like, it's not going to happen. I hate who I've become. Blah, blah, blah. Oh, what? Kate's leaving for Africa tonight on a 9-50.

flight. Oh, the ostrich from the zoo wants to give me a free ride. Okay, the ostrich is now dead because I sat on it. What's going to happen now? Oh, we're going to steal a car with the gorilla, of course, and drive to the airport. There is, okay, pause for the other time I laughed kind of loudly in this was like the gorilla gets in the driver's seat and Kevin James is like, no, no, no, no. And it's Nick Nolty. He's like, no, no, no. I got it. this and the music swells up and it's this like big momentous moment and the van just kind of scoots a little bit forward and crashes into a car yeah yeah it's got nothing to do with Kevin James it's got nothing to do with silly voices

it's a fucking gorilla saying he can drive a car and then doesn't I'm sorry I shot Arby's shy and just hunger overtook me there's a distracted driving situation but he goes to Donnie Walberg's house and he kicks he gives him this X-Men kid too I mean

comic dick kick or whatever. Like, he kicks him into the dry wall, like, the wall. You're trying to get this woman at the airport, a common rom-com ending, but you're stopping to fight Donnie Walbert. Because we forgot that we had that in the movie and we had to... He gets stuck through this wall like it's the Matrix fights. Ma! Oh, he's screaming for his mom.

It's kind of something. The funny thing here, though, is when Kevin James burst into the room, I think the gag is Donnie Walberg's watching porn on his computer. He gets kicked into the next world and blah blah blah There's a lot of like A lot of chasing we're rowboating for a while Dude we're just fucking rowing down the Charles

And it's It is fucking stupid And again I mean I'm sorry A gorilla one can definitely not just casually Lay on the roof of a car A gorilla definitely Cannot sit in a fucking kayak

Yeah, not great. No. Not buoyant animals. Your movie can be 95 minutes also, by the way. It would have been totally fine. It's about a fucking zookeeper. Okay, man. And he finds wife despite being the worst person in this fucking hemisphere.

Here's the thing I just realized, too, if you went the route of like he gets electrocuted or whatever and you can hear them. Yeah. The end of the movie is he gets electrocuted again and he can't hear them. But like one of the animals. like does something like affectionate to him. And like that's, it's something. It's a movie. You're making a movie there, Andrew.

You can't do that. Not in the Happy Madison offices. Someone should have fucking sent them a memo that was like, by the way, your sole responsibility is to make a real movie. He like, the gorilla climbs the bridge with him on his back. Get on. We're going for a climb. He should have been, hey, get on.

You want to get high? If we do this, you better buy me fucking Burger King because I need more guerrilla diarrhea. I would like to die. I need more diarrhea that you're going to mop up. Clean my ass. So what, they find her on the bridge. The monkey, I mean, the gorilla falls and lands on a taxi or something.

He says like, oh, I love you. It took me five. five years to get over someone I didn't love. I can't imagine how long it would take for me to get over you. That's so sweet. You know what? Delivered in a better movie, that line would play. I fucking guarantee it. It's not a badly written line, but him

just marble farting it out of his mouth. It's Kevin James. He can't be compelling. Stop it. You literally can't be. No, I'm going to Nairobi. I get like paid three times more. It's kind of a dream of mine. And we're not dating. And you're a fucking mess, dude. Goodbye.

Like, I'm not losing money on this plane. ticket. I already got all the fucking vaccinations. Exactly. Come on. But no, and then it's six months later. Nick Nalti gorilla has a view at like the top of the zoo, which is listen, Nick Nalti is the only character of this movie I feel anything for.

Sure, it's a gorilla. It's a gorilla. Because we should say the thing is he when he goes to like tell Kevin James or when Kevin James goes to tell Nick Nolte the gorilla that he's going to stay, he notices that there's like a cut on his eye and it's like, oh, what happened to your eyes? Like, nothing, I fell in to a door.

And, like, that's what prompts him to pull over at Donnie Walberg. The idea of abusing a gorilla. I mean, my God, dude, take your life in your own hands. That's true. That's true. Easier to abuse humans. And just, I mean, wherever Nicholas Satoro is jerking off for the day, like, you imagine somebody would be like, why is this fucking gorilla have an open head wound?

Again, where are the security cameras in this facility? So the ending lines or whatever, like he's either the guerrilla and Kevin James and the and the, the gorilla says, what the heck is Beni Hana? Got your eyes odds. Still got your Izzod. We're saying the polo brand Izod, which is exclusive to like J.C. Betty or the also Benny Hanna fucking chain that has not been relevant since like the early 90s. But I mean, that's who these movies are for or guys who have not been relevant. since the early 90s. Guys who think

that Benny Hana is still like a hot date. Like there are Benihana's we're still around. They just aren't a huge brand anymore. It's for like toxic masculine

Gen X runoff. That's what Happy Madison is for. It reminds me of the gag in Ghostbusters 2 where it's like Bill Murray thinks the good idea for a date.

He's like me and you two for one all you can eat rib night at the sizzler. It's just like that's not real. Literally. Papaya King is better than that.

Oh, for sure. Absolutely. And they keep closing down the papaya king. God damn it. So the one on like 14th and first closed, I think. I saw that other day. Oh, really? Oh, fuck. I think they're all going away, which is, which is a sad era. I noticed over the weekend, the one down in the West Village there, around West 4th is still there. I noticed it too, because I ate some papaya dogs. Get out of it. Oh, I should have. I am jealous on us.

I think the one up at 74th is still there too, I want to say. Oh, the famous dialogue. I think there might be one or two flagships left. But this is a terrible movie, ladies and gentlemen. It absolutely is. And it's over. It had five screenwriters. The thing that sucks is like you,

the more than a feeling over the credits, it's terrible. It's even worse because like you're getting the gift of share singing. Yeah. And you can't even hear it clearly. because all these fucking other actor because Cher doesn't do a voice. Shere's just doing Sherr's just doing Sylvester Stallone.

But when he's singing, my God, and it's Sandler's, Blah, blah, blah, whee, wah. Maya Rudolph is doing a very eccentric voice. That's true. Yeah, she's going crazy. I don't know what that was. But it's like, I was sitting there, like putting,

like, cupping my ear being like, I can hear Cher singing. Like, let me just hear that clean. It's because they're also playing the song itself. They're not even played the karaoke version. You're totally right. They're just playing it. So it's that version plus all the other version.

Plus Sandler. It's terrible. It's a mess. And then like there's bloopers and literally folks, I turned the bloopers off. I was like, no, I turned them off too because I did not have fun watching this. And I didn't want to enjoy any of your bloopers and or practical jokes. Clearly this is a four way not recommend. But any final thoughts on the zookeeper, Steve Sannick?

Or just zookeeper. I should say there is a movie called The Zookeeper. So this is Zookeeper. And the Zookeeper's wife is not a sequel? It is not. That's a movie about a zoo during the Holocaust. Oh, okay.

I guarantee it's funnier. And Jessica Justin, whoopo do bahama. No, I would not recommend it. No. I just think the Happy Madison brand as it has been, I mean, you know, again, I like Sandler. Like, you could do some stuff.

But the brand that he has created is toxic. It's a toxic house of rotten ideas. And this is a in that house style. And Kevin James, I've just never cared for it. Just never have,

never will. Chris Cabin. It's horror. I mean, this really was a mold. They created a mold with the Sandler stuff. And like they just do it. Like they changed the little tiniest details.

But that's generally it. This is directed by Frank Karachi who has done the one Adam Sandler movie I'm told is like one of the most racist movies of like the last like 10 years. Something called blended. He's generally, uh, the movies of his I've seen have made me want to die very badly. Uh, this is no exception. So yeah. No, no, no, no. It's also a no for me. Um, I mean, I, I'm not against Sandler or Happy Madison necessarily. I like Billy Madison. I like, uh, Happy Gilmore, the namesakes, but there's not much there otherwise. I thought Hubey Halloween was better than a lot of

the recent output in terms of comedy. But obviously Sandler can act and he's got great performances on cut gems, et cetera. But this is fucking dog shit and I really hate it. And I agree with Steve about Kevin James. I just cannot. I just can't.

Yeah. I don't care for this. And I think of anything, these parts of the Happy Madison world exemplify better than anything that like Sandler movies are not a like just at water situation.

Like, there is something to be said for, like, these movies are better when Sandler is starring in them and not just voicing a monkey. And, yeah, you know what? I, it's a few days before Halloween when we're recording this. I may still rewatch Hoobie Halloween over this weekend. I thought that was funny. This is not. I've also never cared for Kevin James, aside from the one stand-up special a hundred years

ago where he has the, whatever one was the bit where he's about the unlocking the car door Sweat the small stuff. I think was funny. But like the transfer into acting, I never bought it. I don't care for it here. This is dreadful. And a waste of like what's, I guess the most frustrating, a waste of a lot of really talented people doing these

voices and whatever. Faber is funny. Can be funny and all that stuff. Yeah, face on love is great. Like, whatever. This is a bad movie. This is, yeah. It was a real like testing my faith in cinema. I do want to say good comedy on the Patreon this month. We're doing

Ghostbusters, 1984, the OG Ghostbusters. We already recorded it two and a half hour, a little over two and a half hour episode. It's a long one, big boy. And it was a lot of fun. And that movie held up even more than I thought. But that's going to do it for Zookeeper, directed by Frank Karachi from 2011, shows you how long we've been on the air. We literally talked about, maybe we'd talk about this someday 10 years ago. Here we are 10 years later, finally doing it. But that's going to do it for this.

As always, like Eric said, patreon.com slash we hate movies. There's a lot of great bonus content up there. And as always, here on the main feed, the show will continue next week. Steve, what are we going to be chatting about? We are going back to Arnold country. There's so many of me, Danny. Oh, no, not Danny. It is the sixth day, the clone Arnold.

Oh, no, I've been cloned. You're talking about my movie. He's in my house, eating my birthday cake. Watching my movie on my DVD player. Oh, man, it should be a lot of fun next year. Yeah, I'm pumped. I haven't revisited this one since Chris and I saw it in theaters in high school. I saw this movie, On a Bus.

That's the best place to watch the sixth day. So until next week with Arnold coming back to the program, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda. Eric Siski. Chris Gavin. Take it easy. Boo-bo-bo-Baboo. That was a hit-gum podcast.