We Hate Movies - S12 Ep579: Chairman of the Board

Episode Date: November 23, 2021

On this week's episode, the gang is chatting about the infamous late-90s Carrot Top vehicle, Chairman of the Board! Did they really have to make these other actors execute prop comedy gags? Could it get any more terrifying than that baby flashback? And how great is Larry Miller in this movie? PLUS: Are Edison and his buddies doing Dahmer stuff in that apartment?  Chairman of the Board stars Scott 'Carrot Top' Thompson, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Larry Miller, Raquel Welch, Jack Warden, Estelle Harris, Bill Erwin, M. Emmet Walsh, Jack McGee, Fred Stoller, Taylor Negron, and Glenn Shadix; directed by Alan Zamm. Be sure to catch WHM's last show of the year in Brooklyn on December 9th! WHM Merch Store Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

this week on the program, well, what do you even say? It's Chairman of the Board. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda. Eric Siska. Celery Stock. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, is this the week we kill ourselves on the air? We'll see. We're talking about chairman of the board from 1998 directed by Alex Zam, who I think we're getting the hat trick with this guy. Oh, I like this. Because previous episodes jingle all the way to Goof and Tooth Fairy 2. Wow. Welcome to the three timers club.

And he is a sequel boy, man. He's doing the new leprechaun. Leprocon returns. Oh, that's a jam joint. He did direct Inspector Gadget to and, I mean, I wasn't aware of this. Maybe I was when I blocked it out because it was very traumatic to even look at the poster. Did you know, in 2017, the year of our lord, there was a fucking live action Woody Woodpecker movie? Yes, but barely.

What? Yeah. I don't think anyone was in it. I don't know. The guy doing the voice was a very big voice actor whose name escapes me. I think he's done like Batman and shit. He's a big deal voice actor guy. So it wasn't a celebrity.

So I guess that's why they couldn't fucking successfully market it. Nobody is in it people wise either. I don't think. But this motherfucker co-wrote and directed it. Oh, good for him. I mean, this is an illustrious career. And now we're finally talking about one of his magnum opuses. Yes.

chairman of the board. He's the one that broke him through. His breakthrough, I would say. Breakthrough infection. Yes. If you're unfamiliar, this is the single motion picture starring the prop comedian Carrot Top. And by the way, let's just get this out of the way now

because we're going to have a lot of fun here talking about this episode. Carrot Top 1. The dude is a fucking millionaire. He has a compound in Vegas, very successful with what, he has done but all of that has nothing to do with this movie

no yes he could buy and sell all four our fat asses he's in way better shape than all of us combined

all that does not make him any easier to look at it is very difficult I don't mean any aspersions against the guy

I'm saying it is incredibly difficult for me to look at him and not what it's the sun I don't want to look at the hair

that's a lot here's a lot here's a good question would you rather watch this movie without sound or listen to this movie without video because I mean the audio isn't great either folks I'm just gonna be honest like the voice

I'm watching on mute I guess I'm listening that's just dissonance that's like metal machine music wait a second though wait a second you have to specify Steve how you're listening to it is it like you're saying Chris

the movie's on in the other room and you're just hearing it or you have the entire fucking thing piped right in through cans. It's headphones. It's headphones or watching it on mute. Still going with the other side. I cannot tell you how stressed and like irritated I get looking at this man.

But oh, Chris. Let me weigh in mind real quick. I would go with the mute because then you're not hearing the fucking circus music score. Yeah. Eric says to where you led. Well, I was going to say I would watch it on mute. Yeah.

Yeah. I think I'm on. I think I'm on mute too I think I'm on mute too because I just maybe I'd fall asleep too because it'd be so I lived through the 90s

so I've heard his voice I've gotten accustomed to his voice but in the background I haven't stared at I've grown accustomed to you honestly I would say Caratop as a performer is underrated

really I would because I think he actually commits to shit as compared to what so his comedy might not be for you but he's like fucking swinging for the fences. And I'm sure his Vegas show

is way better than any of the shit he was doing in the early, or mid-90s. That's one thing. If this was like a Gallagher, like imagine it's a Gallagher movie and he's not putting a hammer towards anything. Then you would be annoying. There are plenty of inventions

that are basically him doing prop-com. I think this movie is his act. When he meets like Taylor and Aaron, he goes through all of his fucking inventions. I mean, if there is a genius to prop comedy. There's not. Inventing a story around one piece. These are things that have been built by the production design,

all that. There's no invention to it. I would guess, and I'm not going to check, some of these inventions, like glow gunk or whatever, some of it was in his act, and then they were like, oh, we'll do that. It's the famous carrot top joke. Whatever the fuck. It's the famous carot

top bit where he's talking about how he wishes his headboard had hands to jerk him off in the morning. Oh, well. Or the asshole fanny pack. but see that's the thing right and it's why his stand up is not for me I do not care for prop comedy

I never have never will I know some people whatever that's fine but what's like terrible about putting that into this movie is it's forcing other people to also do it

so he's got like his roommates right is two surfer dude roommates that are like oh right carrot top or Edison is the character's name Like that time you had the fucking photorealistic fanny pack And the other guy's got a model The fucking asshole

Like Well I got a question for you guys What is worse? Prop comedy or ventriloquist? I was just thinking I have a three circle of hell situation Okay It's you die and you're a bad person

Which we all are Yes And there's three doors The devil's like you have to go through one And that's how you're going to spend it turn And do you know what the doors are in advance Yes he's going to label them Oh they're clearly labeled here

Rainbow. What a kind devil. One is prop comedy. One is ventriloquism and the other. It's magic. Oh, maybe I'd do magic. I'm doing magic. I would do magic. Maybe magic's too easy then. Yeah, I think I would do magic. I would remove the magic door. Oh, great. Thanks, Satan.

Now the magic's off the table. I can't believe I just got tricked by the devil. Sorry. No, here's this situation. Too many people are in the magic situation. I realize, well, there can't be a punishment that if everyone's just choosing it so quickly. So no, we're going to go to the binary. choice of either ventriloquism

or prop comedy. I misspoke. It was miming. Not magicians, miming. All right. So if we're just going the two-cliquism, I think I would go, oh, fuck. I think I'd go ventriloquism. I'd go prop. I'm prop because ventriloquist

dummies as well-documented on the show freaks me out. Yeah, prop. I'm going prop too because I watched Who's Line is it anyway? It wasn't always horrible. The ventriloquist thing is like it's a prop that's now talking. Is Gallagher a prop comic or is he his own

thing? I would guess I would classify it as that I guess. It's supposed a librarian that had to experimental. I think though because there was one time drugs and alcohol were definitely involved but I was watching like a Gallagher thing somewhere. Sure. And I have a

vague memory of like there were other props involved. The sledgomatic is just the fucking curtain closer. There's other shit going on. We want to rewatch some of that stuff. think he has like clown talents like he can do like balloon tricks I get the feeling or something like that he's always putting shit on his head well sure you're this is yeah bringing back a memory I think he does have some props so he's a prop comic but he's got a good closer because I want to say it was

Gallagher that I because I was trying to think about this the other day and I was telling you guys about it and I was mixing it up thinking it was carrot top but I'm pretty sure there was a Gallagher bit where he was like oh yeah I want to see this it's my little Mexican jumping bean he can jump over border walls It was just like I think there was a special where he had like a giant bed Yes

And he was doing like a sleepover thing I'm going to sleep everybody Don't you want to watch Gallagher's sleep You know what else's prop comedy Is those fucking white dudes with guitars Oh that's the other one That's the other one So you could go back

Noodly guitar comedy Yeah I can't believe that was a thing That was like an early odds type of That was massive Stephen what's his face Stephen Lynch was big. Yeah.

That's probably the biggest one. I mean, Tenacious D is kind of in that. But it's way better. We're talking about a film called Chairman of the Board and we're not talking about it

because we don't want to. You know they should spell bored. Oh, how's that? How's that? B-O-R-E-D. We are kind of doing this for Norm in a way.

Yeah, a little bit of a norm, you know, because I mean, Norm told the greatest joke on late-night television ever. That's what it was. The greatest clip ever recorded. This movie coming out Title Undetermined at this point

Chairman of the board Oh All right Do something with that You freak I bet the board It's spelled B-O-R-E-D And also

literally on the Wikipedia I read the Wikipedia Cover to Cover on this movie Nice I MDB trivia cover to cover And it's not much on either So much of it is just based on that Norm MacDonald joke

It's fucking hilarious It's just so little about this movie that exists in the zeitgeist except for that. That probably got people out to the theater that weekend. Oh, sure, yeah. You know what else? Like, I saw about this, uh, I saw Caratop apparently, and this might have been one of this Vegas shows after Norm passed, like introduced the clip and showed it to people. Is that right?

And it sounded like they had like buried the hatchet and there was no real animosity about it, which was really nice to see to be honest. Norm is the only reason anybody's watched this movie after. 1998. I'm sorry. That's the only fucking reason. You see him make that brilliant joke and then you go, well, what could this be about? And then you rent this movie, I guess. All the carrot top

fans are just running for the VHS and the fucking streaming rights. There's more people in this. She's in the movie too, Chris. I'm sorry, the M.M. at Walsh heads. The Walshites. No, no. Larry Miller, I think, turns in a fucking awesome performance in this movie. I think it's very funny. If Larry Miller was doing this

performance in any other movie aside chairman of the board stars, Carrotop, you'd be like, that's a great comedic villain performance. You ever see those, like, statues of Atlas where he's holding the whole world up? Like, and it's just, and some of them get really like,

it shows the strain that he's under to do. Yeah, like, his balls are about to explode. Yeah, he's like, oh my God, that is Larry Miller in this movie. He is holding the movie. Oh my God. Karatop, you waste so much. That's Larry Miller in general, I would say. He's

done this for many a movie where he's been been the saint that's going to give us some laughs. He's in that muckety-muck-Hoggin movie we did. He's the bad guy in that. No, he's not. Oh, that's Kurt Fuller. Oh, that's Kurt Fuller. You're right.

Kurt Fuller also does that for movie comedies. Miller has the star turn and fucking Best in Show. I was going to say it's my favorite joke of all time when they're sitting at the table and he's talking about his job, which is a hostage negotiator, the suicide negotiator. And they're like, oh, so I got this guy up there. and he's ready to jump and then like, oh, so did you talk? Oh, no, they all jump.

It's just the idea of the end. They all jump. It's just a matter of matter. It's just like, they all jump is one of my fucking favorite jokes. We just have to make it look good. Yes. And he's only in the movie like seven minutes.

He just, and that's one of the funniest movies of all times. Yeah. And he is so fucking good in that movie. So. Let's get into it. Yeah. I mean, so this movie,

without getting like derailed by carrot top conversation just yet. This is a movie about a guy who wants to to be an inventor. He runs into an eccentric old billionaire played by Jack Warden. They have a day of surfing together. Much like Melvin and Howard. I'm sure.

Oh, God. Yeah, that's kind of, yeah, that's closer than I thought of. So then, like, the guy, Jack Wharton passes away and bequeaths his big company to Carrot Top and Carat Top becomes the titular chairman

on the board, him shaking up this company, and Larry Miller is the nephew that thought he was going to inherit the company and he's out to torpedo, caratop success, that's the movie. That's it. And good God, I, like, if you ask me what this movie was about directly after it was over, I would

be like, what? Why did you just ask me? Clear! Now, someone in this room has seen this movie more than the rest of everyone else in this room. Who could that be? You're the one to put it on Twitter. I would not bring it off. You didn't put it on Twitter. This was a mistake I made.

I went out and I went drinking and I was like, because we were recording this on a weekend and I was like, I'm going to you know, I'm going to watch that movie tonight and then I kept drinking and then I smoked some stuff. I'm like, I'm watching chairman of the board. I'm watching this movie. And then I look at it

my notes the next day and it's just indecipherable. It's just like scratches on paper. There's literally no words there. Is this whole section about Fidel Castro? I was pretty cognizant until like the last 20 minutes or so. But then I was like, these notes are terrible.

All right, I have to watch it again because I fucked up and I watched it again. So I watched it twice in 24 hours. Now, I asked Eric, did you watch this when you were younger or was this first time? I saw it maybe once, probably like on Comedy Central or somewhere years and years ago

when I was young as fuck and I never revisited it until now. I avoided this movie like poison when it was out and when me and my wife got together, we're, you know, we're both bad movie heads. That's what we do. Sure. We watch it's Pat movie and we would sort of challenge each other on like really horrific movies. We definitely watch this back in like, oh, 11 or something or in 11 or whatever.

And it was like, yeah, that's terrible. This was this was the first time last night, one and done. It's Pat a sweeping masterpiece as compared to this fucking thing. See, that's the thing is like I will actually give It's Pat a few points. I think Charles Rockett's pretty good in that movie. So I guess I like bad movies or something. Because I kind of think this is almost seeing as believing. You're going to find it excruciating probably.

But I think Larry Miller has some fun moments. And I don't know if you like bad movies. This is kind of one of the ones to see. Oh, yeah. I mean, I would say it is a one time seeing as believing type situation. Very similar to the pest. A lot of pest vibe. Very pesty.

I was just about to say, though, I found this much more watchable. I agree. I would say this is better than the past. Even though it starts almost exactly the same way with our hero in the shower, annoying. I think you're right because at least Larry Miller is in there. You could have moments. You could have moments. Oh, I'm at Walsh.

I like just watching. Yeah, that's the thing. There's nothing else going on in the past. I feel, I mean, I was. Jeffrey Jones is the bad guy doing a German accent? You feel bad. You feel more guilty about enjoying Jeffrey Jones than you feel about enjoying Larry Miller.

That's the weird thing about this in the past, and which is also weird that Gallagher never got his which is just like, well, let's just give him a movie and see what happens. You know what I mean? And John Lug was almost a much better actor than Carrotop or Gallagher. But he was of that like, you know,

he had that sketch, that whatever, that sketch comedy show and et cetera. The one man show before that. And they're like, let's just give him a movie and like get this energy out there and just see what happens. That's what this is. And it is, whew.

Yeah. But, you know, we don't quite open on the shower. What I love about this opening, man. We open, and we got to talk about this. Him is a baby in the womb. Controlling things with levers, machinery, beakers. Dude, he's got a science lab in this woman's womb. He's got a, none of that bothers me as much as the full head of hair.

Honestly. The full head of hair on the baby. And he's got a framed photo on the wall of the uterus of a sperm named dad. He's got like the front seat of a Chevrolet in this fucking thing. Is this tatan? Is this what I think, yes, some of this, uh, Julie DeCournell ripped. specifically from chairman of the board Yes, I am a huge fan, huge fan

of chairman on the board. Kirtap, you know, much like the French before me that love the Jerry Lewis. The French people now, my age, you very much love the comedy of Kertap, you see.

Alexander Zams, a glowing, glowing homage to Kronenberg in the chairman of the board. It's unsettling because it's also just like, it's a fetus puppet made to look exactly like

carrot. time. It's a baby, isn't it? It's just a baby. Oh, no, you're right. It is an actual baby. You're right. In my head, though, for whatever reason. That me really, what I'm watching Annette? God, I wish. The first time I saw it, though, I thought of nothing but the 2001

Star Child with the Carrotop Head. And how that's, like, got the big eyes and it's fun. I don't know why I thought I saw that. But it's not, he's not getting out of the womb. Like, you know, there's a struggle with the mother birthing him. And he's inventing in there. Yeah, he's inventing in there. He takes like, okay, so a little

little beaker of placenta juice and let's put that together and it explodes and a reaction that throws him out of the womb. And through a wall in a very cartoonish fashion. And I think the idea is that's why his hair is curly because at first the wig is very, it's a big

red wig. It's like a little baby Blanca kind of like it's like straight red hair and then it gets curly wherever it gets exploded. So a pussy explosion causes his hair to be more wavy. Yes, that's the idea.

The pussy explosion also has a block that got started. Alex, we got an issue here. The baby keeps on taking off the wig. We're going to have to glue it on because it just, it cries. Glu it on. We're making a carrot top movie. Anything goes. We're going to have to

you glue that wig to that baby's head. That's how you know your movie is intellectually bankrupt because it's always like when I was a kid. That's like, just get the fuck on. I was thinking about that dude. like all the way back to our gone fishing episode where it's a comedy where you have to see them little.

But this, I feel like acknowledges that trope in bad comedies and just takes it to that next obnoxious level of like, oh, you think it's, yeah, like you think it's bad seeing a comedy star like of a movie when he's a kid. What about if he was in the fucking woo? They did that forever. Like even, see, this is what tells you that character type didn't get that far. It would usually give this a whole TV series.

this would be an animated program Little Caratop. Yeah. Baby Caratop. You'd have to be. Like Home Improvement, that Christopher Titus had a show. A lot of people had shows, you know. Why not Caratop? But you're saying specifically like a cartoon, like how Howie Mandel had Bobby's world. Little Louie. And now there's this Ellen DeGeneres show that no one's watching. No, wait, what? What is that asshole doing? It's Ellen DeGeneres is a little kid and she gets into adventures. It's not HBO Mac.

No, that's her fucking talk show. That's a cartoon, my friend. Wow. Man, wonderful. I mean, they had one for Andrew Dice Clay, but it was only showed on Showtime. What the fuck? The little adventures of Bruno. What the fuck was that cartoon?

Oh, yeah, the Bruce Willis guy, Bruno, fuck. Yeah, what was that in that cartoon? Baby Bruno. I think you're right. It's one of those. Bruno is in it because that was like his return of the kid. Bruno the kid, absolutely. I mean, honestly, like, look at this.

like Ellen DeGeneres getting yet another show every every rich lordling getting another show another show honestly put a fucking carrot top cartoon on HBO Max see what fucking happens. They could make it for adults it's literally called little Alan God damn who is watching this shit

this is why I'm saying the same idiots that are like young Sheldon's hilarious you should absolutely have an Andrew Dice Clay version of this you fucking pussy you know obviously Like, carrot tops is not everyone's, you know, thing. Especially, Chris Cabins. I'm really not.

You look like a carrot right now in the face. I enjoy him as much as I enjoy actual carrot tops. You're more of a carrot bottom. You could raise those and some nice, some butter. Sure, sure. Carrot greens could be okay. Carrot green greens. You cut the top off.

Yeah. That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. Where the stem meets the. Yeah. And I want my scalps. I want 50 carrot tops.

Okay, so he's going to be an inventor. He's named Edison, which is a nice... Is that because his mom knows that he was tinkering in the womb and made some pussy explosion happen? Well, I mean, like, after... I mean, you have to go in there. You got to get all those beakers out.

You got to get all the framed photos. A broken glass inside of pussy. Is it dangerous surgery? I mean, like, literally invasive surgery. I think that woman's just dead. Yeah, days and days of surgery, if not. We never see his parents again. So, yeah, they might be dead.

They both have died. I killed my mom. Yeah. My father. commit suicide after that. But you know, I think what makes it very grating, and like, it's one thing like you're a wacky comedian

as your stand-up act or prop comedy actor, whatever it is, that's fine. But translating that to a movie and you're just wacky the entire time, it doesn't really work. No, because he's not like, and I was thinking about this, because this movie is very much it's Tommy Boy with an incredibly unlikable character. Yes. Yep.

And because Tommy is likable. And like Chris Farley, obviously, was a great actor. And it has heart. And it's got a groundness of it. you actually feel like that factory is a real thing. Exactly. Like you care about the people in there, et cetera. And like when he fucks up, it's specific. It's like, oh, Tommy's just like playing around a little bit with the Luke I am your father bit.

Whatever. Like it's just a dim-witted big loaf. Carrotops just like, I don't know how to do anything. You made me make coffee. I'm just putting bananas in it. It's like, no, we'll fucking make coffee, Karatop. You've had coffee. Son of a bitch.

But aside from Chris Farley, Tommy Boyt also has heart. Yeah, of course. There's actual heart in the script. This, like, you could have made him and his friends actual close buddies. We grew up together. They're like, duh, you joke. Yeah. Not even just them.

But Allison from Melrose plays. Alphabet, whatever her name is. Honey-South Smith, please. She needs a bigger role. There needs to be something to this character. It's just a complete afterthought. because it's like a movie needs a girl I'm going to get the girl in the end

don't give a shit about anything about getting there you have to do someone at work and again Tommy Boy they do like you have the robot scene you know and all that's really funny yes the idea of this movie is literally like the same idea they have for entertaining babies they're like oh just put them with the old

people they'll love him they'll get a lot of they like it's just M. Emmett Walsh Jack Ward and the other old guy Bill Irwin from Seinfeld like all those like they're just hanging out

and be like, boy howdy, I love partying down with hair and top. That's the big, like another big difference like if we want to use the Tommy Boy comparison again,

right? Like the, the, in this movie, like the working man sort of encompassed entirely by the guy from rescue me. Jack,

whatever the fuck, Jack McGee, the actor, also a law and order staple. He's great. That dude is the only real embodiment of the working man in the movie and everything

else regarding the company is all like the people who are on the board of directors like you're like your old man from Seinfeld Bill Irwin and M. M.M. at Walsh, right? And then just the gag is like it's just another long table of old guys versus Tommy Boy when like when the break pad

company is fucked up and the factory is going to go under, you're hearing way more from the working people and that helps ground it more. I don't care about these board members lose. It feels like a world. They're worried about it. They're worried about what's going to happen to the company. This one

he says, Lowell Wednesdays. And they're like, we're so happy. We never have to be paid again. We love you so much. Now, maybe this is because I watched this movie twice, but it's Louislew Wednesdays and he's going to include profit sharing to the workers. That's, but yes. Yes. So, I mean, he's,

Keratops already better than almost every CEO today. That's amazing. It's incredible that they do that. And I was expecting that minute, like, M.M. Walsh is like, we have to care. him. It's actually, oh, yeah, it's fun caratop. Yeah, I'll do our Wednesday.

We got to kill that guy. Yeah, you got to cut his throat in the parking lot, make sure he'll come in to work next week. I'm going to go bloodshippling on his red hair today. Oh, you're going to put my cowboy hat on and become the personification to death, y'all. Are you saying I'm funny ass, Dan Hedda. Yeah, you're going to be hiding in a hotel room. I'm going to come knocking on the door.

You're going to see my shadow. Like, and that's the other thing, right? Is like, that whole fucking table of old dudes would be what Larry Miller is. Yes, right? Larry Miller is the villain because Larry Miller wants to sell the entire company off to Rackale Welch, stripping for parts, that whole thing. Those dudes would be behind that, too, right? Yeah, fucking do it. I'm going to get a bunch of money.

Larry Miller sells the company. Literally the fake fucking college movie from The Simpsons. Lighten up, Bitterman. Yes. Like, literally, he's the chairman of partying down. One guy is fucking at all for everybody, apparently. It's not that everybody's greedy as shit. We need to talk a little bit about Caratop's living situation.

Yes. You mentioned the headboard with the robot arms. We didn't talk enough about it because it's disgusting. We didn't talk about what? The arms enough because they're like flesh lady arms. It's a joke. Like you're really close on Caratop and two arms are like, ooh, Caratop, let's have sex. And here's the unsettling thing.

about that right from the jump because of course because it's this kind of movie, Carrot Top is definitely dressed in children's PJs and the sheets are like X-Men or something. Well, that's also the target audience, right? Like, this is for 13-year-olds. Yes. When I was a 13-year-old,

when I was a 13-year-old, I wasn't wearing my jammies to bed. I mean, this is kind of a lesser Pee-Wee-Herman and it's sort of the same idea. Do not compare Pee-Wee-Herman in this way. That's right. It's kind of the... A Pee-wee-Herman had a clean

house other than the adventures. That's true. Jambi would be like, you know what, Peewee, that sinks looking awfully full. Hey, get this pizza box off my face, would you Peeway? Caratop does have a Bob's big boy statue in the house, which is very interesting. But the two hands are like, you zoom out and they're like puppet hands and like, he's like, girls, I can't do it right now. Yikes. And it's like, what are, it's like a jerk off machine. Right? Yes, yes, of course. And he was ahead of us time. Look at that. What an invention. Dude, here's the thing. I will be the first person to admit, whatever. I love ska music. I still listen to all, all waves

of scah music to this day. Skaw music has no business being the bed music and films. Absolutely not. Get scot music out of your fucking movie. If you want to have a fun word drinking scene, you want to put the real big fish in it. No complaints here. I'm not the world's biggest scoff fan, but I enjoy some of it. And that's fine. But like, when it's just underneath everything, it turns into circus music.

Yep. Yep. Yep. It's so obnoxiously distracting. It's trying to be youthful and vibrant. And it also was 1998. So here's a question about them hands real quick. In the close-up shot, is it real lady hands? And then when we back out, it's fake.

I believe, yes. Because you can see them that they're real hands and then they back out. This is a great invention, dude. So he's just, I've created a perfect synthesis for human skin. Hey, everybody, I invented the flashlight. What was this? You got a light? You wanted to look around and find something in the dark,

but you also want to fuck it? Look, it's a flashlight. His bed has a timer that, like, if he doesn't wake up in 10 seconds, it'll throw him out of the bed, which it does. This, like, rocket shit. God, just... Where's Gromit?

Where is he to fucking snip the cheese? Just own an alarm clock. Just a regular, deicular, fucking alarm clock. Then he takes a shower, and we get... It takes a shower. he's got a shower invention with the weird helmet and all that and this is where he does some science fiction lines

10 seconds to open the pod bay doors Houston we have a problem I think is uttered absolutely now here's a question about that shower scene and maybe it's because his name is Edison and he's a genius inventor and he's like got the next

thing on the soap he jerked off at bed if that's what he jerked him off before is he not lathering up his body with shaving cream I don't know because I think that's is it just bad props so because it's just shaving cream

yeah yeah because he's like naked for like the like the first 20 minutes Estelle Harris is looking at his fucking redheaded dick oh my god this poor Estelle Harris and she's got this like cigarette voice box throughout this entire movie

random Estelle Harris George Costanza's mother of Seinfeld hilarious comic actress just has to be with the voice box. The Shave and Cream thing, though, like you,

I guarantee you what happened was, they were like, all right, so you're going to be lathering up. He's like, this isn't wacky enough. Excuse me, Alexander Zami.

Could you put more lathery stuff? This isn't wacky enough. Comey. I mean, I feel it was a thing, like, so this movie comes out in 97. You're making it. It comes out in 98.

You're making it in 97. Stella Harris is looking at the writing on the wall. And she's like, well, Seinfeld's ending. I need to find something. I didn't get on that Ray Romano show. God damn it.

Yeah, totally. And here she is in this movie. It's tough. She's like, your classic old landlady, where's the rent? She's actually showing the apartment to somebody else. Yeah. Something happens here that it disturbed me deeply. I think it's saved for Eric.

Freezer. She opens a dead cat pops out. And it's not a pro. It's not an invention. It's not like, oh, I'm trying to reinvent my cat. I don't know. He sounds like Skeeter from Doug, which I'm fine with.

I'm trying to He's not trying to invent anything. It's just a literal dead cat. It's just serial killer shit. Exactly. It's Ted Bundy shit. Look at the cat. You were witness to a new becoming.

It's weird. Yes, she's showing. That cat was boring and then I took his insides out and made him fun. She does have the line that this kitchen looked better when it was a crack house. That's kind of something. Witness is the red kitten. It's. Yeah, she's showing this couple of the apartment.

And, like, the guy kind of has a funny bit. Like, when the fucking cat falls out, she starts screaming at them, the guy turns to his wife and is like, all right, honey, ready? One, two, three. And they, like, bolt for the door, which is kind of great.

But, like, yeah, your classic thing of these crumbums have not been paying the rent. They're three months past. Do you have this horrendous, like, spinny wheel thing with all their faces on it? And they're like, well, gee. it was carrot tops turn to pay the red or jack plotnik who i usually like good stuff really he pops up he's in buffy he's the guy that gets killed by faith uh he's in other stuff he's just like a fun

comedic presence but this surfer dude there is is rough no reason for either of these characters of anything his roommate should be the opposite of him being like what the fuck is this guy up to some type some type of conflict here because they're kind of just three carrot tops now one of them I mean, that's how it is, right? They're just, they're wacky and dumb as well. Because he has to be better than some people. He has to be better than some of them. They're talking about their surfing when they're walking in.

And someone's, one of them says, reminds me of that time that I aced a tsunami off the coast of Guam when I was in kindergarten. What the fuck does that mean? I guess he's like a great surfer. Five years old, five years old, he was like an Olympic level surfer,

which I care about, I guess. Well, that's, it's one of those things with bad comedies where, like, well, every line should be a little funny. It's like, that's not true. That is not true. That's exactly right. Like, that line would have been fine without that kindergartner part at the end of it. Exactly. It's like, well, what's even wackier if he did it in kindergarten?

That's exactly right. Now, it forces Estella Harris to threaten them by saying if they don't have the rent by the end of this month, she wants their skanky dingleberry riddled asses. out of here. Yes. Like the gag with Estelle Harris in this movie is like

they keep just making her say horrendous shit that you've never heard her say before. That would, you know what? I would be fine with it if they did that

but then they make a joke about the way they're like, oh yeah, I know a lot of adjectives too lady. I'm like, don't make the joke about how fucking shitty your script is.

Like just don't fucking make me fucking eat it. Well, here's the things. They should kill Caratop because they're like, oh, Caratop,

gave you, we gave you the money for rent. Right. And what did you do with his? Well, I invented a brain freeze gun or whatever. Oh, it's a, it's a heater. You put it on your head when you drank the slurpy and no brain

freeze. Yeah. That's, that definitely I'm guaranteeing you that was part of his act. I'm sure. The asshole Fannie Pack is here as well. This is where we get the mention of the glow gunk, which comes in to play very heavily later.

Major plot point that glow gun. So the idea is it makes your surfboard glow in the dark. And there's one offline that Caratop says, like, remember when we all dipped our, so it's like we all made our dicks glow one night when we were together? Sure. So that's happening here.

The dicks out. Now that's why they're rotting off, I guess. It's because we didn't really check the chemical makeup. Chris, let's not forget the ketchup helper. This is probably in his act, too. The fucking gloves banging the, the back of a ketchup bottle to make the ketchup come out. Oh, right. The best way

to get spicy ketchup. If you are in Reno, Nevada and fucking three fucking Manhattan's in, you're laughing at that. I'm kind of wondering, like, now that he's a multi-millionaire, what are these fucking, what are these gadgets? What are these props up to? So you think how it's like when Jay-Z became a billionaire

and like now when he raps about shit, it's like you're not even tethered to Earth anymore? Yes, exactly. Same thing with Caratop. Like, what does your prop comedy turn into when you're so rich money doesn't matter? Yeah. Very interesting. I bet it's a lot of like, now he just uses like people puppets. He's like, I can buy and sell human beings. Yeah, I think we'll get to the point where he's going to compete with SpaceX, Blue Origin, and Virgin of Galactic, because he's got so much money.

And he likes building things. You go to space. I should be the one to land on the red planet. Dude, fucking send him to Mars. I yet, yeah. No, Mr. Top. Mr. Top. No, you won't need a suit.

You're fine. Just go up there. Strap yourself in, then walk right out. he'll be fine. I think we should actually go to Vegas and see his show. I think that'll be a nice little company field trip. I think you would open your eyes, Steve. Maybe he's got something after. Now, I don't, I've

never actually even seen his comedy. And I'm defending him for some reason. It was on Comedy Central at some point. You didn't like it. It's too it's too like frantic. Yes. If you don't like that, I got this. There's no transition to anything. No, like the

scene that we're at now in the movie. So he goes to Taylor Negron's office, the fucking legendary Taylor Neckrod. Cool to see him in this. It's great to see him. Yeah. He's like pitching a bunch of the ideas and it's like, well, if you don't like that, I got this. And like that is the delivery in the act. It's just like rapid fire. Get these things out and make them laugh before they realize it's not funny. I think that's part of it. It's like just say a bunch of shit and then get the hell out of there before they realize they're stupid for laughing. A baseball bat that scratches your nuts for you. My hand is fine. There's that. What happened with the killer

bees. There's a bug zapper hat and it's so, you know, it even works with killer bees and he actually has some and lets them out and all these bees are flying around and it's pandemonium and, you know, then I guess you know, Taylor Negan doesn't like that. And he just has a line that it's like, you are not gadget city

material. We cater to the family man, the business traveler, regular earth dwelling human beings. Yeah, that's kind of. And again, you have, see, this is what's fascinating about this movie. You have someone again like Taylor Negron, who's fucking hilarious and can deliver lines like that that are funny.

And then I'm sitting there like, well, I laughed at Taylor Negron, but I just wish he wasn't yelling at Carrot Top. Yes. Because the thing where you're doing it, I mean, these guys are professionals, all right? What's the script? Jesus Christ, Caratop, huh? Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna do it. You know, it's just like, you're still like jumping into a cold pool. That's what I wonder

if everybody was like, just, because like, everybody was making fun of Carrotop while he was on. Like, it wasn't like, there was no break for him. Everybody saw his act and was like, let's make, the comedians were like, that fucking sucks. Let's make fun of him. So, yeah, comedians didn't like him, but people fucking must have loved him. That's the thing.

Like Larry the Cable guy, yes, or Jeff Dunham or whatever. You don't get a lifetime residency in Vegas if no one likes you. Exactly. Exactly. So like, that's what I wonder if this movie, if he was really gung-ho about it, he's like, we're going to hire all the comedians and they're going to have to serve me.

Taylor Negron was saying some shit about me earlier. You'll be my slaves. the hell. I hope the people puppets. It happened. There you go.

That's what this movie was. So we get some like a little a little montage of stuff he's doing for work now that he's hard up. Human crash test dummy could have been funny if they went with it more.

Or if that joke, I mean, that's 98. We were using that joke in 93 and it already spent capital. I think the Simpsons had already done. Yeah, it was spent capital.

Oh, that's right. The, why is that one dummy moving or whatever? It was closed. The next one is he's works at a condom company and he tests one of the condoms on the boss's daughter. This is something that, and I get it, like it's your movie, you know what I mean? Like it's for you, it's by you.

Why he's such a lethario with the ladies. I don't know. Is it anything beyond this woman at the condom factory? Courtney Thorne fucking Smith. Well, I mean, obviously. Is there anything else? Is there anything I miss there? Is he fucking putting his dick down anywhere?

The sexy tennis instructor is very excited about. But he's also rich at that point. That's good point. It was like Norm McDonald on the view once where it was like one of them asked him like, why would a woman want to ever date you? And Norm says, well, I have a lot of money. It's true. I just like that someone on IMD now has the credit as condom boss.

Yeah. I mean, and that again, it's a. It's a gag that does not involve prop comedy. And if, you know, it wasn't carrotop, it would kind of be a joke that's a little easier to laugh at. But even still, I was kind of like, it's his kindness on the, because he pops up and it's like, oh, yeah, just testing out the merchandise boss.

And then the woman pops up and she just says, hi, daddy. And the boss goes, girl, you're fired. It's like kind of something. But then he's just like, then you have to acknowledge his physical appearance in one of these, and it's him auditioning to play Little Orphan Annie in an Annie production.

He gets, like, beat up by all the little girls or whatever. Because I'm sure that was part of his act. Look at me. I got crazy like, Annie, that's fun. That's something right. You got to go with that and laugh. Maybe. So he's like, he's driving

his cruise control and he's reading a newspaper because the joke is, you don't even have to look at the road with this cruise control. Yeah, that's something. This is where he passes by Jack Warden, whose car is broken down. Jack Warden is

Simpsons joke, crazy grandpa. I love, and it's just poor. I mean, because Jack Warden also in dirty work. Very funny performance there. It's like kind of like,

he's like just a gruff old man. Here, it's like, I love to surf and catch the wave. Dude, yeah, he is. Shred a few waves before sunset if you'd give me a ride to the beach. Much to your Simpsons reference. Jack Warden in this movie is indeed

ready to haul ass to Lollapolosa. Thank you. That's what I meant to say. It's like, it's degrading. Like you're looking at Jack Ward where they got him dressed up in. I believe these are purple tinted sunglasses, ladies and gentlemen. They're too small for him too.

Yeah, he looks like fucking Gary Oldman and Dracula. He's a vicious tubular, fellas. He's a hip grampy in this. And he's having fun. He likes the carrot juice that carrot top blends for him in the car because he's got it oh you got it all fixed

fixed up real nice you got all these gadgets got all this garbage in this car wow dude like smells like shit in here he's blown away by this car it's so sad so he gives him a ride to the beach and we see them surfing briefly obviously neither of them probably

dude the the guy who's doing the surfing in place of Jack Warden looks exactly like doll man's Tim Tomerson Not even fucking close to Jack Wharton, dude. You're not getting Jack Ward on a surfboard in his mid-70s. But you are getting him like greens, not greens,

but it's like a rear projection kind of thing. And he's got like a bodysuit on at least. Very strange. Or a wetsuit, excuse me. He says like, oh, you know, you're just done on you. Look, you're a good young kid. I was an inventor and you just seem to be. He's got a book full of invention.

This is the book is the problem. Right? Because Jack Warden, sure, you've made a. fine career building this factory with gadgets that you make or whatever this carrot top idea book there is not a single fucking thing in there that is not drawn

with a crayon and Jack Wharton's looking at it like these are some great ideas you got here. I'm a fart fan oh man that's fantastic you got a 40 pages of different blowjob machine it's fascinating. I send this to our R&D guys down at the adult

division. A toenail liquor. Yeah you could use that I guess I don't know why, but yeah, I guess somebody would need that. Just trying to figure out the perfect pH balance of the human mouth. Sure, sure. Yeah, that's good. Oh, boy. Okay. Baby beer. I don't know. I'm liking all of these events. Baby beer's not too bad. Sure. Well, that machine, if we could get the right pH balance. I think that sounds pretty nice. So he's in a chicken costume when he gets home. We don't know why. I guess it was for some job he was doing.

he was doing. Your classic bad TV. I working at a chicken place. I had it dressed like a chicken. Yeah. So, delivery guy comes to the door to, or a mailman or whatever this character is to give him like this certified mail or whatever. The guy asked for like a tip. Which is a

big much. Come on. And he shits out an egg and hands it to him. Which is like, how did that happen? Is that one of his inventions? The tip thing was like this fucking horrible thing we had in the 90s where like they made you think that you were going to be asked

for a tip from like a ticket taker at the movies. They were like, it's everywhere. I've asked to give them 6% tip. Can you fucking believe it? A guy on the subway asked me for a tip today. Oh, really? There's a whole... Get a job. He was a homeless man and I felt

bad, but... Yeah, I didn't give anything though, right? No, I didn't. I don't. I don't carry stuff. That's true. I don't carry currency. Could you chip me on my, my, uh, rambling, please? If he had a credit card machine on him, maybe. Put something nice on this for you. Excuse me, sir. Do you have square by any chance?

Why, yes, I do. Can I slide it through your butt cheeks like in one of those rap videos? Yeah, you could tap or you can insert. Oh, I'll insert, thanks. I'm going to have you arrested. But he finds out that Jack Warden has died and he has to go to the

funeral. And again, In Tommy Boy, Tommy would go to his dad's funeral and could just exist at a funeral. But Gary Tom, oh no, I forgot to wear a suit. Better take it off a dead guy. Oops and now you're punching the dead guy in the fucking face. And then what's that? Start at a fire at the funeral, whatever. Whoa.

Him stealing a tie off a corpse and literally assaulting the body. Kind of funny. A little bit. The joke that works for me was when the guy walks in and you expect him to be like, what the fuck are you doing? And he's like, we all grieve in our own way. And he's like punching the dead guy in the face. It's something.

It's a laugh that happens without the aid of prop comedy. And you get, this is when you meet Larry Miller. And he's got a great opening where he meets Courtney Thorne Smith, who's like just another person at the company. And she's like, grief strings. Oh, and he hugs her. And he does a classic hair smell. Yep.

Yep. But it's a hair smell that she like picks up on. What are you doing? It's great. Larry Miller really is like one of the funniest guys to appear in 90s. TV and film for sure. Dude, we all caught here, by the way, because the Hollywood royalty keeps coming.

Playing the preacher at this funeral. Rance Howard. He's a man. Love him. If your son is directing Apollo 13, can you just be like, Ronnie, I have two options. I could either not pay my rent or do a carrot top movie.

Would you be able to help your old dad out? Well, look, Ronnie's doing okay. hey, but poor Clint needs a connection still to this day. So I'm just going to talk to some people here. But like, I mean, if again, Steve, to your point, if your son is directing Apollo 13, why does your dad have

rent? It should be I think Clint Howard should be giving this eulogy, not Rance Howard. Let the man sleep. Totally. He's worked a whole life. Well, no, he had to, you know, we couldn't help Rance out with anything. We had to hoard it all for Dallas

Taylor. What's her name? Bryce Dallas. Bright Dallas, Howard. Yes. I'll let my old man die in the street, but my daughter can direct to Star Wars. That's how it goes, though. Like, you hoard everything. You then set up your children. Anything that came before, you might as well die.

I mean, he set up his brother first. His brother did pretty well of all those tiny parts and all those movies. Sure. And then he was like a kind of a horror icon. He was the ice cream man, of course. He was in the dentist. She was in a bunch of stuff. Maybe it was the dentist too, I'm thinking.

of he was a patient, I believe, that was tortured by the titular dentist. Right, but it's not, see, and I always confuse the dentist with Dr. Giggles, which he is not in, that's, that's dark man. Yeah. Or the other dark man, right? No, the dark man was the bad guy from the dark man is Dr. Giggles. Yes, Larry Drake, Larry Drake was Dr. Giggles. Corbin-Bernson was the dentist.

Yes. Oh, got it. In the evil doctor cinematic university. Oh, fuck. We should do that. EDCU. I would have liked more of a franchise of ice cream man, though, because I need more heads in waffle cones. That's just,

I've never seen ice cream. I have not either, actually. Clayton Howard is the titular ice cream. Yeah, he is. Because I remember the poster. I've never seen it. I like this doctor idea, like a horror hospital type of thing.

Get Dr. Giggles in there. Nurse Ratchets walking around. Yes. Oh, dude. And then, yeah, like the whole thing is just called private practice. Oh, yeah. But it's not like that dumb show that got cancer. No.

scary private. The shittiest remake of the kingdom ever. This is like a bunch of evil doctors practice on your privates. Isn't he doing like a continuation of the kingdom? Are they? Are they? I just know the shitty remake with Andrew McCarthy. No, not Kingdom of Hospital. No,

I think Von Trier's doing another chapter of the kingdom. That would make me very happy. That's some creepy shit. I ever saw it. Really? Oh, it's like a Lars Van Trier made for TV. It's like two-part movie thing. Just called The King and it's about this creepy hospital.

Oh, yeah. Very good. He, Caratop, you know, he finally shows up to the, I'm sorry, Raquelwell shows up. And she's the Dan Aykroyd of this film of,

she's like the competitor she wants to buy the company out. Right. For parts, which literally is the plot of Tommy Boy, you hate to break it to you. And, you know, Larry Miller is like, well, once I get my stock options, I'll be able to sell to you.

And then this merger will through and I'm going to get it because my uncle's going to leave me the company. Right. So we go to the will reading with the lawyer and it's blissfully, it's one last scene with Jack Warden. He's recorded this message. But before that real quick, they pass around his urn for some reason. Oh, yeah, yeah. His ashes in it. Caretop opens it and starts talking to it and then for some reason thinks, oh, I got to put more ashes back in. So he takes the ashtray, full cigarette butts and all in there. So like the

desecrating of bodies, I thought that was a high point for the film. A good theme running the film. Yeah. I think that maybe they should have focused on that. It is one of your favorite subjects. It happens twice in three minutes. Oh yeah. It's like if I ever... And not to mention whatever you did that cat. If I ever did, if I ever started in a wacky

movie, they could call like the desecration man. You're just fingering buttholes. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. There is kind of a good... Checking the balance of that butthel. Look, Jason Blum, it's all about buttholes now. Desecrating buttholes.

Botholes die tonight! It's an elevated horror film where a man sticks his finger of buttholes dead people. The buttholes also elevated. Sorry, we'll rename it. Happy butthole day. There, you'll like it, right? Happy butthole day would be a great movie. There is a credit where credits do. There was a good

caratop delivery when the lawyer puts the tape in the V-C and Jack Warden appears on the screen and his character's name is Armand and it's Caratop recognizing that it's Jack Warden on the TV and he goes oh hey Armand like you're at his will reading

it's kind of fun he leaves to Larry Miller a surfboard hang ten dude totally cowbunga motherfucker his most prize possession I do like the part where he leaves because this is like humanizing Jack Warden even more his butler made or whatever

he leaves the house and everything in it you took care of this house for so many years now it's yours as a gift pretty sell that for fucking scrap dude just make a pretty putty in that land deal because you're not getting the Jack Ward an old man smell out no it's the problem you know so if you're cool with living in Old Spice

world and also the HOA fees if you're just a butler you can't afford those that's true yeah yeah so McMillan Industries was founded on dreams and it needs to stay in the hands of a dreamer so he gives the entire stock holdings to his new friend Edison great moment there where he suggests to Larry Miller to switch

and the lawyer says you can't but it's like, why can't you? It's your property. You can't sell all your stocks to them for your surfboard. Why not? Right. Which I guess Larry Miller could have just like said that to Carrotop but then unfortunately guys we don't have a movie. Because I mean, you're dealing with this Edison character.

Hey, hey, hey Edison, I have a great idea. I'm going to give you, you have that all annoying stock. only you $5,000 for it. Oh, wow! But then unfortunately, though, the lawyer makes the move of being like all of this with the net worth of $23 million. Oh, my God, $23 million.

Woo-hoo! And one of the weirdest turns, I think, is, you know, they're watching Jack Warden on TV. He's in bed. And then the bed starts flying. Yeah, come on, ladies. There's no women to be found in the shop, but he just yells, come on, lady.

He's going to surf that big wave in the sky. Of course he is. Sure. Do you think they played that at Jack Wharton's actual funeral? I hope not. Last moment of this movie where I was feeling like I didn't want to kill myself. It's all downhill from here. Jack Wharton is the last good part of it. So then we pick up at outside Macmillan Industries.

Larry Miller is parking his brand new Jaguar. Fred Stoller, another comedian, sees it. He's like, hey, nice car. And then he tries to touch it. Yes. And Larry Miller says, one of the weirdest lines

of the movie. Touch my car again and your minimum wage ass will get sold into white slavery. Yep. Okay. You're going to be taken. It's an Albanian gentleman

that'll sell you on the black market. I get out. And Fred Stoller is just like, oh, geez, that's like the fourth time I've heard that this week. Oh, they have a tattoo on their neck. They have weird hair. They have six foot.

Looks like a guy my mother used to date. All right, Fred Storer. You're about to be taken. Call out any tattoos you might see. Did you see any carrot tops? Oh, no. Oh, no. They're taking Sissy.

Oh, no. They took Sissy. Oh, no, they're going to take me. Sissy? They, uh, carrot tops shows up at his cloud fucking gar. And it's just like, you know, he, you know, it's just a thing where he's going to go work for a day. And he's excited about it.

He's a little too excited in that elevator. Oh, he farts. He blames it on this woman. I can't believe I can't believe she ripped one. Come on. On up to it. It's one of the funnier parts of the, I'm not even, it's not funny at all. Yeah, yeah.

Funnier parts of the film. I was getting flashbacks, dude, because I'll tell you what, the other day I was leaving my building. to go to the office, get in the elevator, someone had cut the cheese. You're a fucking terrorist if you fart in an elevator. Your body knows that you're in an elevator and your butthole is just like, we got to fart.

It's like, I can't do it. Because you know what the problem is, your butthole is not used to being like elevated up and down like that. That's true. It's being stimulated. It's been moved in an unnatural manner that just like it just lets the wind out, I think.

But like how long is an elevator? Ten seconds, clench it. We're going to address. this and happy butthole day. It's going to be a great movie there. Jason Blum is already attached. He's got a lot deep pockets. Jason Blumkin's attached.

I'm just going to tell you, I'm going to tell you this right now. I'm going to tell you this right now. It has a lot to do with carbonation. With the mechanics and all the chemistry of carbonation. And this is the post-it scene. Apparently, that's a post-it factory sort of or something. Well, we say sticky notes because we can't say post. Oh, yes, of course.

They make everything from note stickies to the, Thigh Dominator. And this is, oh no, I got it the glue and I'm all wearing post-it notes. I'm a baby. I just do anything. Wait, I missed something, though. And, man, it's not even worth trying to get to the bottom of, but how is it, guys, that he gets the glue all over his hands?

Why is he grabbing fistfuls of glue? That's a good question. There is like a spout that is spewing goop. and he like puts his hands in it and then we camera pans back and it says like strong adhesive or something. Oh no. This is more sticky than normal cum. I thought this was a cum faucet. Oh no. Oh no. Help me. There is a good Larry Miller line while they're walking through this factory of like under my management, production has doubled. Fatalities have tripled. But there you have it. Yep. That's another great thing. Yeah. Fatalities have tripled. And he's encouraging him to wear not a hard hat because I think there's a plot here to try to kill

He's trying to get him killed. Which doesn't work instead. He gets hit in the head with a wrench instead. Yes. And like kind of, you know, this is what Courtney Thorntzmith shows up with Jack McGee and like Jack McGee's like, you know, we don't get breaks or no more and all this.

He's got real working complaints about this thing. And he's, this Larry Miller is a Bezos type, you see. He doesn't believe in working unions. No. Yeah. So he just tries to. You should just be happy.

You get to work at this McMillan and whatever the fuck factory. Or as we find out later, I just like saying you're fire. A plot point is that if the stock dips between below 20 something percent, you know, if the value of the stock dips below 20 bucks a share, then everything reverts to Larry Miller

and he gets to do what he wants. So now he's trying to drive the thing down. So he's trying to instigate a strike for that reason. And that's a big, for some reason, kind of a note here. Like if Jack Wharton is bequeathing this company to a real dreamer. Why would he put that closet

there? Fine print in the will of like this, like, it's a contest actually. Yeah, it's a little bit of a game for me. I'm not going to be there to see it. You see Billy Madison had come out at this point as well. Weird. Weird. Or Eric gets the

company. That's true. Fuck, dude. We're buzzing along. We're almost done with this thing. He also goes to the board room has to make everybody coffee, which he kind of talked about. Like he walks in, they don't understand that he's the new chairman of the board

understandably. So they're like, hey, you fucking weird looking fuck fuck money to come get us some coffee. And it's just, he's just coffees with bananas and fucking stirs and he shits in the coffee. Pisses all over himself, screams, I'm a baby. One of the weaker scenes for sure. Okay, for sure. Yeah,

it's one of the week. But this is what, so then they realized though. And then M.M. at Wall, she's like, oh, I'm so sorry. You didn't knows, yeah, wouldn't be it eat my ass like that. Oh, I just love you. I wish this country had anything for seniors where I didn't have to come in every day and kiss

Caratops' ass. If there was any kind of social safety net, I wouldn't have to die alone, or I'd have to suck Caratops' cock. Juggle the balls with my tongue a little bit and make them give me a little extra. Look at Paul, Mr. Biller, went over here. Push a

90,000 years old. Having a gargle carrot. tops and balls as the chairman of the board, I guess. No, social safety net here in the United States. Yeah, I was 30 when Harriet Truman was born, but I guess I can say radical

to you and we'll just be buzzing buddies. Shacking gum in on the grass and all, and now I'm taking an order from Carthaghan. Should have got out while the getting was good. But yeah, oh, their bond, his bonding thing, right? Because they're like, oh,

Let's all fucking figure out a way to get to know everybody. And then like this is where fucking Larry Miller walks in. And all these executives are playing twister with Caratop. I don't know, man. All right. I don't want to be getting near that dude's fucking crotch. Okay. I don't know how to say this.

We've got a dozen hip surgeries at the same time that we're going to have to do right now. Guys, it was the go-go-90s and it was infectious. I see. The tour continues. And this is, and I didn't think. this is going to happen. But the plot of this movie is awfully similar to Batman Begins. Because it goes

down to R&D, which has been decimated by not Rutger Howard. This time it's Larry Miller. And Morgan Freeman's in this movie. He's like, oh, now you're thinking, Karatop. He's got to get the purple, like, flower from the hill and

wherever. The puckered asshole from underneath the fucking swimming pool or whatever. What it should have been is more closer to the plot of Batman Forever where we're at Wayne Enterprises and Carrotop is like the Edward Enigma of the situation. Yes.

And Larry Miller is just like, you know what? All of these ideas are terrible and you should be fucking fired. Good day, sir. Do you think when they were casting Batman Forever, it's 95 just a couple years earlier. Caritop was definitely as big as he was in late 90s. Do you think like

he was on the list for the Ridler? Like really long. In the 50s, you think? I had the thought like when you watch him fucking gallivanting through this movie it's a Carrie-esque riddler thing and I did have the thought of like

well it would have been bad but I would have understood it well that's what they were trying to do with this and the pastas are like we could make our own Jim Carrey couldn't we and just be wacky it's not like he's a talented physical comedian who's been studying this shit forever

and knows his bullshit no no no no just be wacky you fucks I think Caratop should have been Batman in, Batman begins. And then we've got to Liam Neeson, like, don't worry about your carrot. It'll take care of itself. Well, can you concern yourself about the top?

Well, he's so jack now, dude, he could play Batman after Arpats. And then some old British guys, he's living, well, the carrot fell far from the tree, Mr. Edison. I failed you, carrot dope. I failed you. Carrots don't grow on trees.

Should a julian do you? But that's a good invention. I'll make a carrot tree. just watch. I just hope that someday I'm traveling around Europe and I see you little carrot cafe

you're happy, you're with a family and we just nod to each other and that's it for you Mr. Topp what I'd like to do is never see you ever again literally like

and what I mean is if I ever fucking see you in a cafe don't even nod at me you turn right around you turn right right around unless you're being dipped in some blue cheese and then consumed

I don't want to see you again, Mr. Carrot. We ended up going a different Batman direction. Instead, Carrotops are running around with a giant bomb on his hands, which is this movie. Glenn Shadick, speaking of Batman adjacent people, Tim Burton. Absolutely. Otho himself is Larry the R&D guy. Glenn Shadix is really ready to be in this movie. He's honestly one of the better parts of the movie.

He's really going for it. Him and Larry Miller are saving graces. Glenn Shadix is. doing this thing. He is, again, it is very Lucius Fox where it's just, he's the last guy in R&D, he's just kind of toiling away in nothing. What is the gag? It's like he, it's kind of, Glenn Shaddix also

like sells this where it's like, Karatop's like, oh, hey, R&D, that's great. What are y'all working on? Yeah. And he's like, well, I don't have a budget, so I'm just working on this new kind of pocket protector. And he, like, he's playing it like super excited to be working about this,

working on this pocket protector. But I also think this is a Simpsons show. It's like, My pocket protector has its own pocket protector. And I'm like, that's what it is? Oh, that's definitely a simple thing. Do you think the writers have watched TV? Dip their hands in post-a-clue and have sticky fingers now for other jokes? Just sticky joke fingers.

Look, I'm telling you right now, comedy world, my fingers are sticky. If you bump into them, your jokes on me, that's your problem. Look, look, Carrotov, what you're going to do here is you're going to smash this cantalope with a hammer. And just, it's going to be a small ball penis. It's not going to be a full mat. That would be amazing if Carrot did that, Caratop did them in the 90s. Do you think Gallagher would have him killed? Probably, yeah.

I think there'd be some, there'd be a big like scurfuffle. Oh, you already got the big area, you son of a bitch. Could you imagine we could get a movie like, what was, it was the late shift, the letter, Letterman Leno, HBO movie. With Kathy Bates stuck right in the middle. Do that, but it's Caratop v. Gallagher. Oh, it's so good. I could get other people to play them

so it'd be watchable. It's not out of the realm of possibility that that was a mad TV sketch. I don't know for sure. It sounds like it could be, but if it's not, we should make that movie. But I mean, again, why didn't Gallagher have a movie? Like, he was huge in the 80s.

There wasn't like one movie. I think Gallagher is, I don't know. I think Gallagher hit, like, sooner than a lot of other comics. Like, I think he was on the, he was at top of the wave during the comedy boom. and he had so many fucking specials. He had deals with Showtime and shit. He's got tons of them.

I think it's just diminishing returns to the point where movies entering the possibility are now going away because he doesn't finish. Weird Al had his movie. Weird Al had UHF. I mean, that's a very similar. Like, let's just make a weird Al movie

and they did. Well, where so other many comedians would like, had to really work for it to get out of a club, he could do all to, like actual fucking venues. And he could sell out venues. If you were doing four, five nights a week, He could have, in the heyday of his fucking stuff.

He was making plenty of money. I guess that is, I guess it is an legitimate question. Why didn't he have a movie? But I don't think it's because he's making money because, like, the Dice Man was selling out Madison Square Garden. You still got a couple movies out of that guy. But it's not the same, because his, because of the prop thing. I really do think that just didn't translate.

They didn't have an idea that would really work for him. I mean, clearly with chairman of the board, the prop comedy does not translate. One of it was an action movie where he bashes people's heads open. that might work cool yeah he was the hammer man Ricky O style yeah he's like

it's like your uh Clint Eastwood's new partner is like all right Clint you've been settled with Gallagher I wish I was dead put that fucking hammer down that's not what you do

with a watermelon and slice it open you just made a much better movie than chairman of the board because you need that counterweight yes you need someone to be not having it more than Larry Miller is the adversary

but be great if he had a partner or something that wasn't having it if those friends were any different or if Courtney Thornt Smith was in the fucking movie. Well, that's why I think Otho and Larry Miller stick out so much is because they are the ones who dialed it all the way back and everybody else is like, party time, care of time.

I mean, Glenn Shadix does have to carry a lot of work because he's like, all right, Glenn Shadix, I'm going to give your department all this budget. We're going to make crazy stuff. Glenn Shadix, the next scene, I don't even know what it's called. It's called PTO or something where it's like, You could piss yourself and shit yourself and vomit and it's all fine.

The vomiting is a separate device. It was made specifically for the audience of this film. And I just, I feel like Glenn Shadick's just staring at the dressing room mirror like, you're going to go out. You're a professional, Glenn. You know what? You're going to go out there.

You've worked with Tim Burton before. You're going to work at Tim Burton again. It's going to be fine. This is just one day of your life. I told you at the time. that the house was too expensive, Glenn, and now look where you are. You're here in a carrot top movie.

It is by your own design, Glenn. You got yourself into this carrot top movie, and now you will get yourself out of this carrot top movie. Well, I was supposed to play the penguin in the second time. I was right there, and they took fucking Danny Davido. I was on the phone with Tim. It was very close, and Danny swooped in. I'm sorry about...

And taxi. I bought this house. So the reason why... Did I need a pool? No. A tennis court, Glenn wins the last time you played tennis. Glenn. You don't even like swimming. And that whole, the movie version of the foghorn, leghorn story that I was supposed to be in also fell through. So the R&D budget is doubled by Caratop. Larry Miller initially warns him, but then realizes, no, let's do it.

this because we'll screw the workers more. In the scene prior to that, Courtney Thorne Smith in that tour says you can't sacrifice you can't sacrifice working conditions for productivity to Larry Miller. One of her brief

fucking scenes. Obviously she gets one line like every 40 minutes and that's it. And then we, yes, yes, he's inventing the portable outhouse pants where you could piss and you shit yourself in them, which honestly I think is a great invention. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Well, because he has something about like, this is perfect for long road

trips. Right. I guess so, man. We'll see when we're driving in a few days or already on tour now, we'll be driving from Charlotte to Nashville. And we might have to do a little shit our pants. What's the piss and shit is outside of me? I don't want it anywhere near me. Exactly. Think about like truck drivers, right? Those guys piss while driving anyway. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. They piss in like Gatorade bottles and drink it. Is that what they need?

I mean, I don't know about that last part, but the first part, yes, I'm sure that's happening. For the mail truck drivers. Then there's the puke shirt, which. Jesus. Honestly, the air sickness. The delivery here is what makes it fucking work is carrot tops, is pork chops, and then he goes, last night. It is fun. I mean, he does, but he does it because he goes, blag.

you're just looking at this and this poor man like they do a thing where he he's like watch I'll demonstrate Carrotop and like sticks his finger down his throat and there is a kind god damn it Andrew you're awful

there's another kind of funny thing where Carrotov is like like Harry or whatever Glenn Shaddix his name is in this movie Larry I think he's like wow Larry I'm actually pretty impressed with your quick ability to make yourself vomit on command like that and the amount of vomit

Yeah, and then like something like Larry Miller comes into the office or whatever, the research lab and breaks it all up. And while like the next scene is getting ready to start, Glenn Shaddix throws up again in the bag. And Larry Miller is like, there would smell pork chops? I just all of a sudden got a craving for pork chops. There it is. Also, by this point now, the strike has been averted with Wednesday louis and the profit sharing. Prior to that the strike info was leaked to the press by Larry Miller trying to sink the company. Allison, congratulates Allison.

Hey! You're working at Caratops factory. You think I could go out of drop there? You're congratulating Caratop on having a successful strike inversion. Allison, are you sucking Caratops, cock?

How dare you? Can you get me one of those little train shirts? I need for work. See you without it. You got an orange lipstick on You've got an actual carat for a dick.

I'm Billy Campbell. I'm on Melville. 12 place. Oh, hey, I thought I thought I thought you were in a caratop movie, huh? Get you left the show a little too early, huh? Look who I'm crawling back? I think I actually just looked it up to see, and she

was on Melrose Place into 1999. Oh, of course. So, but her, if I remember right, her and Andrew Shue leave the show in the same season. Oh, wow. They'd die in a plane crash together in the show. If only. I do, the one thing about the

Luau Wednesday, and I don't want to talk to him too much about TWA flight and hundred. Come on, Allison. Get the bags. Well, now that's me. Took me a second to remember a plane crash. It was around that time. Excellent.

An encyclopedic knowledge of plane crash. I was like 9-11. No, that's not yet. A little too early. Corpse desecration and murderish fucking air crashes. But this is what this movie is. Because it's Luwai Wednesdays

and it's like, poor, oh, wow, we're part. There is a dog on a surfboard. And I'm like, you know what, dude. Dirty pool. Yes. Making me enjoy this fucking dog on this fucking surfboard in the middle of this fucking movie. Fucking dirty pool, motherfucker.

So you fucking enjoyed something. Yes, this one second of a dog on a surfboard, I will admit. You can just admit you like something. You don't have to be so cool on the internet. Oh, I don't like chairman of the board. So like the guy. against the tide once again. You are a contrarian.

And now his pictures at Time magazine, whatever else. Absolutely. I just, in my notes, I spied another moment of a lady who's horny for him, though. Exactly. Because in that Luau Wednesday, which they're all at a beach, but they're

all in business clothes, which is stupid. And so Courtney Thorne Smith is hanging out with his other lady, and this lady's looking at Caratop, and she goes, oh, he's really, a great guy, isn't he? And she's getting horned up at Lua Wednesday. Absolutely.

You're on the top. You need the top. Get the whole fucking carrot in you. She does come in though like after there's a thing about oh the stock has skyrocketed up to $75 a share. Caratop's doing really

well. And she comes in and she's like oh just wanted to congratulate you on successfully stopping the strike and like she's kind of like flirting and then like you cut to him and he's eating

this oversized donut yes how do I duck my donut is that cut we're cut right good good because I gotta go get my huge coffee mug for the next shot are we gonna have sex

let me put my clown makeup on like we do every time before sex something something. Oh, Larry Miller, because Raquel Welch claims to claims to be in this movie. Sure. I don't think she does. Well, I was going to say, actually, do you think

Raquel Welch treats this movie like Jennifer Aniston treats leprechaun? Maybe. It was like, oh, darling, I don't believe that exists. What is it called? I don't think so. Oh, yes. I guarantee it. Mrs. Welch, what do you think of working on Chairman of the Board? Oh, I loved Seinfeld. They were wonderful. But so she threatens to cut off sex from Larry Miller.

Oh, right. Because I guess vaguely they are also sleeping together while scheming this whole thing. So she's like, I'm going to fucking turn the tap off if you don't get in gear here and screw this guy over. And so Larry Miller like raids Caratops office to like find some dirt on him. And this is where he finds like the idea book with all the stupid gadgets in it. With a fart fan and everything. Raquel Welch has some, is definitely doing some balls. step in. Oh, for sure. The relationship, she's just like, I'll, I'll keep doing what you like me

to do. So Caratop and Larry Miller go to play tennis. Right. And this is where Larry Miller says, oh, I saw your idea book. The ketchup helper, Glogoo, Bug Zapper, they're great. I love his delivery. They're great. The start of this scene is weird because it's like he comes down like wearing a skirt and like oh yes carrot top doesn't instigate the joke here he just comes down like well I'm ready to play tennis and then Larry Miller has to be like you're wearing a girl's outfit or whatever and I was like well that's just let carrot top play in the skirt you know it's it doesn't seem like hateful it seems bugs bunny garbage yes yes that's I think it's exactly what it's and even does the thing where it's well your legs are quite oh no ah carrot top we are

I'm sorry Larry Miller. I took a wrong turban. I'll cooker. Yes. He does flip up the skirt to like moon him. And he's wearing like American flag bikini underwear. Sure. Take that. US of A. So they play a game. It's uneventful. And then Larry Miller gets hit in the nuts with the with the tennis ball. Yeah. And then he gets knocked out for a while. Sure. And then a ba, ba, babe shows up. Oh, a big bodacious babe. Yes. Like a car like this woman looks like a cartoon. from the 90s and 80s. It's just like she looks like a living Jessica Rabbit. Yeah. This character.

I'm a tennis instructor. It's like, whoa. Yeah, she's like, see what I'm going to teach you tennis. He was supposed to go call like the ambulance for Larry Miller. It's not just like he gets like hit the nuts. He gets shot in the nuts with a tennis ball like a gun. Launcher thing. Yeah, like ball machine. Like it's not just Karatov accidentally whiffed one into him. No. A machine shoots this dude. he's like passed out

to the point where now he's now flirting with this babe for a while he had left Caratop left his racket on his face and now he's being sunburned as the day goes on. This is a joke that was made 100,000 times in the movies and night. It's like, oh my God,

weird sunburn. Yes, we love weird sunburn. Coming out from the back and you just see him and everybody's staring at him and it's like, what? What? The gag here also and it kind of worked is he's like caught up with the tennis pro babe

and they're having like this huge day and you're seeing like the time pass as they're being romantic and then he just has to be like oh fuck I left Larry Miller back there and like he kind of like runs out yeah one of some of the lines she tells him those little sexy lines

oh really she tells him that you're supposed to feel the feel ball wait no that's my own note never mind feel balls that's mine the balls caress them instead of whacking them strong hard forceful muscle

to you use to penetrate your opponent's court so it's just trying to like put in like sexy sex talk into the tennis talk

you left out carrot tops line of you have boobo boobies and then like after this is basically the Courtney Stewart and Smith date

they go on to this museum and she's suddenly wearing an Indian headdress I'm like oh I could do you know you asked her out for lunch

She's like, it's great. You could do it here. And it's like, they're in a museum exhibit as a cowboy and an Indian. Yeah, yeah, Native American headdress. Yeah, funny enough, I typoed and I wrote Indiana headdress. I think that's more correct. It's closer. I mean, yeah, he's just got like a bucket of fucking Colonel Sanders or something.

And then he's like, she's like, well, how did you get? How is it you're able to take me on such a great date carrot top? And he's like, oh. because a buddy of mine is the chief security guard and I helped him out one time and the gag is it cuts to this guy who's clearly bald and he's got like a green toupee

and he's like I call it the chia wig or whatever. I'm pretty sure that is definitely a carrot top joke. Yeah. It has to be. And he's like picking flower. And she's like well how is he so popular with the ladies and he like picks a flower off his own head and like approaches a woman with it? Like that's the thing. We should

I would say the reason they're on this date is because she's like, oh, Carrot Top, it looks like you need to take a break because, like, he and Glenn Shadix are, like, working through the night for, like, some invention. And there's a good Glenn Shadix gag here where when Courtney Thornton Smith finds them, she's like, let's go get lunch and clear your head. And Glenn Shadix, they have one of those, like, clear, you know, dry erase boards. And he's writing help on it very slowly. I mean like if this was the fucking Otho show man This movie would be great because Shadix kills it Of course he does But she starts

He burps And it's like oh sorry I'd probably embarrassed you And she's like I grew up with five We always love this Yep cool girl grew up with five brothers Like that's always the thing That's the only way I can stand him Exactly

And she burps Like the alphabet or something It's way worse than that dude she's like hello carrot top how are you amy cdia and like they caught outside and the museum is shaking and dogs are barking and aren't you laughing your ass off well corny you just got to get through the scene i know it's difficult to be in a caratop movie i told you not to do it i wouldn't have been in a carrot top movie listen listen corny thoris smith you don't look a gift horse in the mouth like that you're in a carrot top film

Oh, y'all getting paid to burp. That's the best thing ever. Getting paid to do what you love, Courtney. That's fantastic. Can I have $5? I mean, and we're just doing, like, the camera is shaking, and the whole thing, it is just really not funny. Also, it's kind of, because it's 98, so did this happen yet?

What is the fucking, when Jay Sherman goes on? That's got to be 94 or 95, yeah. Right? Because the coming you door. like a huge surprising burp gag. She inspires him to fix his invention, which winds up being a TV dinner with a TV in it. Yes, it's a real TV dinner.

And he like it because the TV screen cooks the food. It sounds very nightmarish. It sounds very cancer-inducing. Only costs $80 per meal. Yes, exactly. No, no. He says it's only $2.19. more than the cost of a regular TV

dinner, which is literally impossible. Like, to look at this thing, ladies and gentlemen, because I know you haven't seen the movie, it sort of flips up like a Nintendo DS. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly like that. That's what we're looking. Dinner on one hand of the TV on the other. And everyone's like, wow, this is exciting.

And Courtney Thurdy Smith's like, well, we have to get this tested. We have to go through all this other stuff. And then, like, Larry Miller's like, well, no, you don't want to do that. Do you carrot top? And he doesn't, which, I mean, obviously getting any food food out to the public. It's got to get tested.

Food is where the FDA gets involved. Exactly. You're not getting this out for another two years. You know what I mean? Yep. But no, they rush it into production. And it's a huge hit. And there's a commercial. He's an astronaut.

One of the varieties, the beavis and broccoli. Because they're all named after TV shows. There's like something mashed potatoes. Then you watch Caritop on a surfboard. ascend the stock market it's a huge success we get like a shot of like people running into the supermarket to try to get them yeah yeah dude we're like killing people like it's fucking black friday and tickle me almost you know what this is is taking the nation by storm would you would you would you imagine this it's actually in the nation's capital as well oh my god I forgot

about the dude yeah it's it's just like and it's like there's always there was always a couple of bill clinton jokes it's either he's a letharia or he's a big fat pig right here he's a big fed pig. With food specifically. Yes, yeah, yeah. Right? Because the gag is like, you hear some woman as Hillary Clinton just be like, Bill, come to bed, which, yeah, right. Okay. And then he's like, oh, yeah,

I'll be right there, baby. And then you see, like, the door to his office open, and it's like a bunch of boxes of the TV dinner and he's just been, like, eating multiple TV dinner. I think he tells a secret service guy, like, don't you tell anyone? But you know, Bill,

you could get, like, good food and just the TV's right there. You could eat it in front of it. Yeah, but this thing lets me watch Duke's a Hazard on a small screen. That's what he's watching, by the way, is Duke's a Hazard. It's the only thing that Jimmy Carville will eat.

These goddamn pieces. Oh, yeah. That was not a James Carville impression. It's almost there. Oh, what you have to do here is you got to get rid of welfare. You got to get rid of the welfare. That's what you got to do. Yeah, some of these little snacks here.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's woke. Bad stuff is woke. That's what it is. And how woke is my food with TV. There's a weird thing where there's a, it cuts to a shot. I think it's right maybe before the Clinton gag where like he, there's a homeless, there's two homeless dudes.

One is eating the TV dinner. And the other one is literally biting into the top side of a rat. Like a whole rat is what he's eating. It's kind of a funny game. That sounds more appetizing than whatever the fuck this was going to be in the fucking TV slops. But we see the production of it is pretty funny and dumb. Like it's like it's like a protein and like a whole potato on a line going into like a car wash that is the factory for these TV dinners. It's very strange.

It's almost as if like the writers of this film don't know how food is prepared. I think I just realized. You know what this is very similar to is Freddie got fingered? Yes. Yes. Oh, I could see that. But at least Freddie like fingers is like is an anti-comedy. It's like trying.

Yeah. Is it? It's trying to be like irritating on purpose. I think I'd rather watch this movie. Okay. Hmm. I haven't revisited that movie since I definitely saw it in theaters. I saw it in theaters too.

And I hated it. Yeah, I remember. And I was like big into Tom Green. Like when that movie came out, I was like fucking finally. The day is here. Oh yeah. Tom Green movie, ladies and gentlemen. Well, that, yeah, that movie is at least proudly nonsensical.

This one, they actually kind of think they're making sense. Yes. Which is horse shit. And also, at the time when I watched Freddy Got Fingered, I didn't even understand, like, what anti-comedy was. But I could tell you why people like Freddie Got Fingered Morris because that's what you grew up with. You didn't grow up with Caratop.

Well, I guess not. Well, I mean, I grew up with Tom Green and Caratop. I guess there you go. That's what I'm saying. I mean, didn't they hit around the same? It wasn't that big. It was like a two-de-year difference between when they hit. Tom Green and Caratop.

Tom Green, I feel like it was 98-99 is when he hit. TV show. Oh, the show, the Tom Green show. I forgot about that. Big deal of that show. What do you think Glenn Humpnick is up to these days? Is that his real name? Glenn. His buddy Glenn Humpnick, I think. Oh, no. I thought you're about, I didn't know Tom Green was his actual name. Oh, Tom Green. 2001, Freddie got fingered. Okay. Remember on the Tom Green show? There was his sidekick. The sidekick. Was the guy drinking coffee in the background? Well, that was Phil. I think the guy that was always like, like, here. Like he would laugh. But then there was his buddy Glenn who he, he like, debased Constantly. I think and it was kind of funny

watching that dudey shit. I'm waiting for that we've had the jackass renaissance for a while now I'm waiting for this Tom Green Rennaissance. Tom Green's show was 99 to 2003. Yeah. Yeah. I mean he kind of I mean actually when he was on

Norm's old podcast that was kind of funny. Yeah. But he's a funny enough dude. I'm not saying he's not funny and I think he is funny. I think he's funny. I think he's funnier than Caratop. I don't see much of I'm not saying I'm not going to be the guy saying Freddie got fingered is good.

Nope. At least maybe I need to rewatch it and maybe everyone else is a genius. No, I'm not saying it's good either. So whatever. Now Larry Miller's master stroke is some guy gets on television. Well, first of all, Tom,

Tom has become really famous and changing the face of business, Time magazine. And now he doesn't have time for his buddies, which would be a plot in a movie that's not this one. Because it's like half a scene where his friends show,

Estelle whatever is like, oh, the check bounce because Caratop's spending too much money on other stuff. Right. Because he writes her check for a year's rent. It bounces. They get evicted and they go to find Caratop, but he's just far too busy being a big businessman. And he's wearing a suit now.

It's very important. He's changed. Bored shorts. Oh, in that scene with Estelle Harris, it's disgusting. She's like, again, just the same empty threat from a landlord. And then she does the thing. thing where she fucking pulls on the cigarette and the whole thing like goes

down in one go. It's gross. It is gross. But Larry Miller's masterstroke here to kill Karatop is some guy goes on television and says, I used this TV dinner and look at me now and they turn off

the light and he glows, therefore he's got radiation. It's a class action lawsuit which you don't hear about ever, but they say it once. And I'm like well those like need evidence. And this is apparently for, it's a $500 million class action lawsuit. The thing about class action lawsuits, see, it's like a class action. So you need more than one person to have this thing happen to them.

You know, where it's like when people want to sue the people who make Roundup because it gave like hundreds of people cancer. That's how you do a class action lawsuit. Not one idiot on television can a class action lawsuit make. Well, I can explain that in the script. How you like that? How about that? I'll explain the script. How about that? Fuck you. Yeah, no, you got me there, Karatop.

You got me there. Actually, speaking of the farting, very important plot point. Another great invention by Otho is a lie detector shirt that when you're wearing it, if you lie, it produces a fart sound. And it's called the bull shirt. Yeah, the bull shirt. You're smiling halfway. I see it.

I think it's just because he's growing slowly insane. But so now with this, the stock is plummeting, guys, because of the... Oh, it's in free fall. Oh, no. Losing the Christmas bonuses. Oh, I'm going to have to kill myself like Robocop. Oh, I'm going to jump out this window here. The fall should do it.

Yeah. I would pay big money to see him jump out a window. M.M. Walls just throw himself out of a window. Just an old heavyset man. hitting the pavement. I'll just do what Charles Erning did in a hutsucker proxy throw myself right out this goddamn

place. Fuck these people. And then we put a plexiglass windows to stop there. See if Tim Robbins can take care of this stupid man. Now that's a great version of basically the same idea. You're totally right. This movie is kind of also the hud sucker proxy.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so it falls below 20 bucks a share. And I believe the great Larry Miller master stroke here he goes he calls him a menace to humanity which is so accurate

he is he's like our friend Matt Fruer called Wayne Zelensky last week he's a waste of skin and Larry Miller has this announcement of the company this is Bradford Big Daddy Macmillan Oh right

Oh man him over the PA All men who have hair and fire If you're thinning and you want to come back with it you can do that maybe you'll get your job back kind of thing. It's pretty fun. Yeah and he starts firing everyone and he's reveling in it. Yeah. Well I was

going to say there's a crazy like just because around here's where Karatop like goes back to the beach bungalow. Yeah, he's evicted. There's the big evicted thing and my thing was like why did he just move? Yeah, of course he would just move to a better apartment. It should be a thing where like he's so rich

there are like the dudes are living in a mansion. Right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that should be something. Or he should have bought the fucking bungalho from... Also that. At that point, Billy Madison, they would sue. Yeah.

They would be like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You did enough. So instead, he goes and, like, sleeps on the beach and fucks a sand pile that's shaped like a mermaid. Yeah. And then his buddies find him. And then he's like, oh, I've lost it all. And I really, I'm learning a lot of lessons about myself.

And he throws his idea book out. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. not any of my cartoon drawings no but then he looks through it and he finds out that the glow gunk formula is missing that's right he it triggers in his mind because

they go to a sea shack that the the bros had been sleeping in and he sees the surfboards and he remembers the glow gunk and he goes and retrieves the idea book and he realizes that this has all been a put on then there's a fun Larry Miller thing where like I love this they replay the moment on the tennis court

he's like glow gunk and he's like it's kind of like he's just like really selling that that's what he's stealing kind of it's very funny but yeah but Lisa has braces he has a flashback with Larry Miller saying glow gunk and then it transitions to a flashback of the babe from the tennis course and then it goes back to Larry miller and he says nice try but I have rank her in these flashbacks I kind of like that uh yeah so what Oh, so, again, important plot point here. Glenn Shadick spills coffee all over Larry Miller before this big presentation or whatever. And it's like, uh-oh, he's going to have to change his shirt.

I wonder what shirt he's going to put on instead. And it's, again, it's the end of Tommy Boy. Raquel Welch is about to sign the papers to take the company away. And now Karatop has to convince everyone that Larry Miller is a big old liar. So they're. and the the machinations to get to the office takes too long

and this is this part right here specifically is the desperation of this needs to be over 90 minutes and we are like literally getting the characters stuck in traffic like they're in caratops obnoxious car they get stuck in traffic and this has to be this has to be something from the act

the if you had the periscope in your car to see where traffic stops and he like scopes it out and they like he finds a way through the traffic and it's like all right guys this way and it's like cool so you managed to add another like 60 to 75 seconds onto this movie with this instance yeah and then they almost kill a construction worker and have to break suddenly causing this guy to like let go of this crane that was holding like the M.I of McMillan or something the big metal sign was coming off the building right it falls and crushes Larry Miller's car,

which, by the way, I don't even know if we talked about had been redecorated at some point by Caratop and ruined. It is amongst the fucking tidal wave of bits. But it's like Larry Miller's car is the only thing,

it's the only joke structure in this movie that uses heightening. Yes. In any successful way because it's like when Caratop gets there on his first day or whatever, he accidentally rips the jaguar like a logo or whatever,

a little statue. off the hood ornament. So then it's that. Then it goes to like, oh, the carrot top feels bad about that and they repaint the car. Little dent.

They do the whole spray. And then it's like, Larry Miller's got like a fence around it. He's telling Fred Stoller, like if anyone tries to take it, you can shoot him on site. So yes,

the crescendo of this joke is the thing falling in this. Anyway, Ray Zelensky, I mean, Raquel Welch says no to the deal. I mean, they all kind of disband. Well,

yeah, Basically, he comes in, like, she's about to sign the thing. And wouldn't you know what Caratop shows up just in the nick of time, explains that he lied about Glow Gunk. And, you know, basically Courtney Thorne Smith is like, well, then you're going to go to jail. And I'm like, I don't know, is he? I don't. Do you want any kind of, you know, ethics investigation around this company in general?

I would say no. I would say just let it all lie. There's a great thing, though, where I think it's Raquel Welch says, something about like taking the high road and it's M. Emmett Walsh's greatest line in the movie because he just goes, I'd like to take the high road of your ass with my shoe.

And yada, yada, yada. The bull shirt reveals Larry Miller to be a liar. And Rakel Welch is like, you know what? I don't want the company. I just want a percentage of that great invention. I think it would have been really funny if he was also like he was tricked into wearing the shitting pants.

Yeah. Because now he's like shitting himself in fear. Anyway. And it's literally just like Tommy boy, because at the end, he's, Ray Zelensky's like, yeah, I would love to have your break pads. I'd love to carry him in my store. I would love to do that for you.

It's a piece of shit. I think Emmett Walsh has someone like, take that turd out of here. And Fred Stoller's like, with pleasure. And they, you know, they remove Larry Miller flush that fucker. And you know, it's the end of the movie. And Caratops, like, you know what?

I've learned I don't want to be the chairman of the B-O-R-E-D and I'm much better as an inventor you know what? Courtney Thorntz, what? No, you're on. Okay. Oh, because I I was going to get my keys early dinner. We have one more scene for you.

I'm in the movie more? Oh, you want me to find Courtney Thorne. I'm Daphne Zanuga. You're clearly not. You have blonde. No, no, I'm Daphnees Zenduga. I just have to go. We're doing a baseball sequel down the road. Don't worry about it.

She, but she is the chairman of the board because she's so well prepared and knows what's going on. And, you know, he's going to run the R&D division with Lucius Fox and it's going to work out great. Yeah. By the way, Larry Miller

tried to escape, you know, but his car was destroyed. So he gets into Caratob's car, tries to make it work. And there's like a security device that one of the pedals, which is shaped like a foot, jumps up and mashes his testicles. One more time? I love that. A couple of nut hits.

Yeah, it's fantastic. Yeah, his nuts are jelly by the end of this movie. Isn't it so great? Like, even as a young kid, you're so well aware of, like, beating testicles is like a big, like, not only is it funny, but it's like terrible pain. Yes. I think it's pretty great. Yeah. And thanks to pop culture and just, you know, world experience. You learn that quite quick as a young boy.

Absolutely. And then what is? They make out, by the way. Thorne Smith. Yeah, thank you. The most disgusting part of the movie I was about to say. Because she, the poor woman, just all she wants to do is act, you guys. She's in a

successful television show. She wants to make jump the movies, but uh-oh, a big stumbling block is you got to make out with caratop. Wow. A sea of old letcherous men just watch you. It is the most disgusting thing of like they have a kiss

and then it's like whatever. Then they start making out and all these old guys like oh yeah go get a caratop give it to a caratop help her caretow take it all take it all you know you ever see a movie and this happens often like when uh kind of unsecure male actors have to do a gay kiss and they're like you can see them psyching themselves up for it like their mouths are tight and they just go in for the kiss like i am a gay man and i love you and they like go in i'm trying to think of a movie an example But that does happen. That is this times a million for Courtney Thorntz Smith leading in to kiss Karatown.

She has taken both of her lips and inverted them inside her own mouth. And it's just like her face is touching his lips. What we got for you here, Courtney, is a kissing mask. We've made a duplicate of your lips. You're going to put them on your actual lips so that his saliva does not touch yours. And then I don't, what happens here he faints or something? because at the end of this movie is surfing. We go back to serving because it's not over yet.

I forgot we're surfing. We got to get another kiss. That's right. And there's been a gag before where like he's surfing and Courtney Thorne Smith has to be like, Edison, watch out for those rocks. And his surfboard has an emergency break. Sure. So he does it this time and he goes flying.

And yes, this is where she's like, back up everybody. I'm an expert in CPR. It's still. It's still her. It's tongue kissing him. I'm kissing the carrot. The movie ends in the inside of Caratop's mouth, which is where it should have

ended. Yeah. And then the only part of the movie that's truly great is over the credits is Ramones doing California's son, which is a fucking great song. And yep, and that's when I realized I'd finally seen

all of chairman of the poor. It's incredible. It's incredible film. Recommendations and final thoughts. Steve Sadek. Oh, God, this will be my final thought. My final thought on this earth will be of Chairman of the Board. Are you going to die? No, I mean, just it's, you know, that's how it works.

One day. When you go to hell, you see. Oh, yeah. There's three doors. One of the Chairman of the Board. No, I just, I did not like this film. I found it grating and irritating. I find Caratop to be an unpleasant presence.

I don't think that anything is redeemable in this film, except for Larry Miller and Glenn Shadix and some really stalwart supporting turns, but that is those are those are pickles that are rotten meat sandwich. You know what I mean? I don't care how much I like pickles. It's still, the rotten

meat kind of destroys the whole sandwich, so I'm out. Chris Khamman. Yeah, a pickle comes with almost every diner meal. The diner meal could be a turd. Yeah, I really, what I think annoyed me most about this was how, like, brazenly they were just taking from, like,

well-trodden material that everybody else knew, everybody had laughed at already. When you do that too much, I really just check out. Like, it becomes difficult for me to keep on there. And it's the same thing with the action movie. Like, I'll be on it, like, six day when they're doing the fugitive stuff. I'm like,

this kind of sucks. I don't really like this. You're not even, like, curving it towards the star of the thing. You're constantly being reminded of better material that you could be watching. Yeah, it's just, it's annoying as hell. And to see it at this volume, at this speed, at this ball. I mean, it's just too much. Eric

sister. Yeah. I it's not good. I think seeing is believing maybe give it one spin. I definitely don't watch it twice in 24 hours. Larry Miller I do think is the MVP of this movie. Shadex great too. Yeah,

it's obviously it's not not great, but I do think I feel like people are harder on Karatup because of his stupid name and prop gun. comedy. Yeah. And I think he's probably funnier and more engaging

than anyone in SNL right now. To be quite fucking honest with you with the state of the industry right now. Yeah. Would you rather, I would rather watch this movie than an episode of S&L. I'll put it this way. I definitely would have to think about that. Like, and that alone is condemnation beyond words. Do you remember

that movie that came out? What was? Tom and Jerry. Do you see that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Colin Jost. Yeah, yeah. He's terrible. What about him? The fucking movie is worse than this one. Oh, I didn't know Colin Joseph was in it. As like a person? Well, you almost said as is himself, which is exactly his acting speed. Right.

Yes. He's playing a character who's interacting with the cartoons. That's rough. And honestly, Caratop could act circles around him, which is insane to even say. Yeah. And I'm just saying, I think Caratop, while not good and a punching bag, is better than a lot of people. I will say I find Carrot Top more engaging than Pete Davidson

sure about that exactly I totally understand where you're coming from I'll watch King of Carrot Island Oh man I don't know about that Yeah no I'm kind of with you I don't know if I'm entirely in a seeing As a believing situation except if You

I think like folks in this room for the most part Have a passing fascination with bad comedies Specifically bad movie comedies from the 90s Yeah I will say like if it wasn't for this show, I probably would have gone my whole life without seeing this movie. It was always one of those things where I was like, I understand where Caratop

is, and that's Caratop being in a movie, and I understand that that is not for me, and I've never watched it. It wasn't for me. I was genuinely surprised at just how many people they tricked into being this movie with paychecks. It's stunning the amount of people that are in this movie. Good for the casting director. Maybe Caratop

was like pulling some friends from the industry. Maybe he has huge friends with Larry Miller. I don't know, but like the supporting performances alone, I think make this kind of an interesting thing, but you just got to proceed with caution, folks. You got to know that you're going to watch a 95

minute caratop movie and that he's in basically every scene. And you're going to feel that time. It's not like this buzzes right by. This is, you feel every minute. That is. It buzzes right by like a bee in your ear. It's annoying and you're kind of terrified the whole time. Exactly

one. That is chairman of the board. from the year 1998, directed by now We Hate Movies, Hat Tricker, Alex Zam. If you want more WHM, of course, check out patreon.com slash we hate movies. A ton of great bonus shit on there, as always, including a massive, close to two and a half hour episode.

We love movies talking about Ghostbusters. There's a film comedy that works. And then, of course, on this main feed, the show continues next week. We're on the road and whatnot. So Steve Sadek, what are we pulling out of our hat for next week? You're coming at you live from Zanies in Chicago talking about Taken. Oh, taken. They're going to take you.

This was a lot of fun doing that live. Being back on the stage is wild. Yeah. So definitely come see us and, you know, we'll be in Brooklyn in December as well. If you missed out on our southern dates, drive to New York. I don't know what I'm saying. So until next week, when we are live from Zanis, in the great city of Chicago talking about taken.

I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Zedak. Eric Siskin. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. podcast.