We Hate Movies - S12 Ep584: Home Alone

Episode Date: December 21, 2021

On this very special holiday edition of WLM, the guys are talking about one of the all-time Christmas classics, Home Alone! How fabulous are Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern in this movie? Who else's skin was crawling with all those people in one house? And just what did Old Man Marley actually feud with his son over? PLUS: Everyone clean out your freezers, Sausage Claus is coming to town! Home Alone stars Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, Catherine O'Hara, John Heard, Roberts Blossom, Devin Ratray, Gerry Bamman, Kieran Culkin, and John Candy; directed by Chris Columbus. Catch WHM's VIRTUAL live show on Mortal Kombat (2021)! Check out the WHM Merch Store - Just in time for the holidaze! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on We Love Movies, look what you did, you little jerks. It's Home Alone. I'm Andrew Jopin. Steven, Sadek. Eric Alone. Chris McAllister. And we love movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Love movies. Thank you for tuning in as always. That's right. It's time to talk about a holiday classic. It's home alone from 1990 directed by Chris Columbus, a dude who used to make movies I enjoyed watching.

Is he just banished to nowhere's he'll know? He was making secret Netflix movies? Was he not? Oh, that's right. He did the second one of those Kurt Russell Santa movies? Yes. Eric,

you watching those? You're keeping up with that? I saw one of them. I couldn't tell you anything about it. I was told, you know, there's like pandemic green out. Like,

you wake up, there's dishes on the floor. The sinks running. Honey, did we watch a Kurt Russell? There's a main coon cat in your house. How'd this guy get here? Smells like we watched a Kurt Russell movie last night.

I just got the image of old Goldie Hawn in my head. How did it get there? But he also did like that. Did he not do one of those or multiple of those Percy Jackson movies? Yes, he did all those. Oh my God. He directed pixels previous episode. I did not remember that.

Ooh, yeah, that'll do it. The first two terrible Harry Potter's. Yeah, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Colin the Lightning Thief. Why did that not take off? I love you, Beth Cooper. Rent, Harry Potter, Chamber Secrets, Sorcerer Stone,

Bicentennial Man, which is truly terrible. So is the Rent movie, by the way. Yeah, so nothing against that. Nothing against the Rent musical. That fucking movie sucks. Yeah, something against the Red Musical. And that movie sucks. Stepmom, nine months,

Mrs. Doubtfire previous episode. Home Alone, too. Lost in New York. Only the lonely, which I remember being kind of a sweet little movie. That's a solid candy performance in that movie. That's a magic right there. Can you get it with that movie or no?

He's trying to. He's trying to slop it up, dude. He's the titular, lonely, you see. Well, obviously. Heartbreak Hotel and Adventures and Babysitting. That is his entire filmography. What's Heartbreak Hotel? That's where Sean Michaels interviews people in the ring about upcoming matches. Oh, I like that.

It's got David Keith, not Keith David. That's a problem. Yeah, you got to flip that around to get me interested. When a team tries to set up a band at his school. his mother, who was a big fan of Elvis Presley, gets in a wreck. Wait, wait, gets in a wreck. He and his band members decide to kidnap Elvis and have him hooked up with his mother. Okay. What?

Elvis, fuck my mom. I was reading off someone that submitted to the IMD, so that's why it was incomprehensible. Well, anyway, I've never heard of it. But Inventions of Babysitting mostly holds up except for one drastically terrible scene. Yeah. I mean, I like, you know, this movie's great. I do think that it's funny he was hired for

Christmas vacation and Chris Columbus. Yes. And quit because Chevy Chase was such an asshole. He's like, why on earth would I want to deal with this? Which is a smart move because that freedom

of to do this just sort of accidentally like Hughes was like, hey man, I like you anyway and probably was like, and Trevor Chase is a huge asshole. I got another script for you. Don't worry about it. But what would be the better movie you think? I think Christmas maybe. Oh, Christmas is

funnier for sure. I think being an asshole is underrated. Are you asking what's a better movie we think Christmas vacation or Home Alone? Yeah. Oh. I mean, probably as a movie, it's Home Alone. Funnier that strikes my nostalgic chords,

probably Christmas vacation. I'm probably stuck right in the middle. I literally watch both every year. Yes. Both were staples growing up. I haven't seen this movie Home Alone in like 10 years at least. Yeah. I I guess I would have to say Christmas vacation only because the comedy is crasser and you know that's my alley.

Oh, I have to go vacation no matter what. Even if a dog directed it, I'd vacation is where I go. I mean, they may as well have, right? Because that's the thing about that movie. Like, it makes sense that Columbus, like, left it right before they were about to do it. Because the dude who directed it is like a nobody guy that they just... No, it was a literal dog. They got along with Jimmy Chase. It was Dobie the Doberman. Cousin Eddie and his family kept eating his food. I mean, yeah, I mean, I, but I do think this is probably the better of the two movies just in terms of like the way it looks, the way it moves. The score obviously got John Williams tinkling around in this guy. Although, I don't know, man.

It really is. It's a tough break between John Williams and Christmas Vacation. Hang the lights. That fucking song at the beginning? Do they use Holiday Road? They do not. Yeah, that's unfortunate. As far as franchises go.

This old house Yeah I mean it's definitely Home Alone is definitely also just I think this is what you're saying It's just like a better Better crafted movie Yeah and it has like an emotional core

That works even though it's totally saccharin Which I do I mean I love the score Because it is totally saccharine Like it's the best saccharin John Williams ever did Like it's just like this And it's got all this Christmasy shit in it I talk to John Williams

about the score when we met up for the for the conductors annual conference and he said that it was his favorite one mark he said the home alone was the top tier Mark this is it's a guy from American movie yes who scored that movie that's right excellent job

score that movie the music is Mike yeah Mike Shank yeah and if you know American movie we have a commentary track coming out on the Patreon that is sinkable to the film I was watching all Christmas vacation and then I dropped a bunch of acid and all of a sudden it turned into home alone. I couldn't even believe it.

I was partying so hard. Yeah, I lost out to catch me if you can to that rast bastard John Williams. I was like, Steve, just going a different direction. I didn't say this, but Hans Zimmer, a bit of a snooty bitch. Didn't hear from me. It's fucking bullshit that Chris Nolan's not interested in my wizard. music. Oh, man. That would have spiced up tenant. That's exactly what tenant. Neely was a fucking loot

on the score. Absolutely. Ooh, absolutely. Absolutely. Yes. Wow. Fuck. I didn't even know that was doing that. That's awesome. So you said 10 years. I said I watch this every year, which is true. We usually do one and two. And we're getting Christmas vacation on Christmas Eve. I mean, honestly, it could be 15 for all I know. I'm in every, We're mostly in every year household. Part one, or do you sneak New York in there also? I very rarely watch part two.

Is that right? Not crazy about it. I think it's a maybe a little bit of an I got it by the way. So you like old men that run toy shops. Yeah, Mr. Duncan. Turtow doves. I love homeless ladies, sicking flocks of birds on people. I had seen it. I had seen the original

like maybe a year ago, but before that it had been like about 10 years or so. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Wow. And then, yeah, I haven't watched the sequel in maybe since it came out at home video. Like, it's a long time on that one. This is, I mean, this is a, not a perfect perfect Christmas movie, but it is a great Christmas movie because it's light on its feet. It's a buck 40. You're out of there. Yeah, big time. You do. It's legitimately very funny. Like there's actual belly laughs at this movie. And it's got the sweet Christmasy shit that you kind of want in there. And then you're out of there. Big bang, boom.

that's the thing right it's like christmas is there christmas is all over this it's a very christmas movie but it's it remains not in your face yes it's somehow not because you know we're not i mean we're saying christmas and getting home for christmas but like it's measured and it's not it's not like you're watching a lifetime movie where like every other line of dialogue the word christmas is used you know so like you can kind of it lets like the the production design do a lot of the work like almost every shot has like red or and green in it this one i This was one of those movies where I remember going to see it in theaters so well because it was one of the house was always the house was packed. Oh yeah.

This movie did so well for like 12 weeks. It was at number one, I think. Which is insane for the time. And like I just remember and I don't feel this anymore like so rarely that like everybody was having a good time. Like the whole theater was warm and happy to be watching this stupid movie. I don't think I felt that since like now like get out and Black Panther are like the closest. as far as like a whole audience excited for something like that. Just with it.

It just, it's sad. Except for the racist old lady that sat behind me and get out. Really? Yes. Where did she? She bought the wrong ticket. Towards the end of the movie.

And like again, the crowd was really, it was like not opening weekend, but like a couple weeks in. Uh, the whole crowd was into it. Everyone was having a really great time and like, you know,

the ending happens where, you know, uh, he gets the upper hand there. You know what I mean? Are you attempting not to spoil? get out. He gets the upper head

on Catherine Keener and the audience kind of shaken by it and this old lady behind me was just like, that's why you don't mess with the brothers. And everyone was like aghast about it.

Were people throwing popcorn on her? And she did. Who said that? Who said that? Like, and I mean this is like fucking, this was like Union Square

at like nine o'clock. It was a diverse audience. Jesus, I would have chucked a fucking soda at her head. That's insane. She should have been like Gaddafi or something. She said it. Because it was two old ladies.

Because when I sat down, I'm like, what the fuck are these ladies, dude, here? They're just by themselves, I guess, because the buzz was out at that point, et cetera. And they were old. They were old. They were old. Old people at the movies, they lose all fucking intelligence they had on the side of the street. Because they will go in and just like whatever plans they had that they will melt. away and they will just blindly buy a ticket

for whatever. Yes. Yeah, I will always get into fights with old people. You do love it. Because they don't know how to behave themselves. This movie almost has a cartoon opening. I feel like it was disgusted. William said he would walk. Yeah, because, you know, you look at that cartoon opening of Christmas vacation. It's nice. It's not classy.

No. And what we're doing here is a classy opening. Exactly. It's like a cool. It's a cool stark house. Like, you know what I mean? Obviously, the logo is very iconic at this point. You know, you're zooming in on it. But yeah, if it's like a couple of cartoon Harry's and Marves, you're like, well, I'm just watching garbage. And the theme is almost menacing at first. Yeah.

There's something really like really like eerie about it. Oh, yeah. It sends a shiver up my spine. Because it is, you're right. It's Christmasy. It gets very sweet when like, you know, the actual. Right. But that part like is the part when like is also is.

an evil gin the reason this kid is home alone like that's definitely on the table you don't want your parents to be around well I think I can arrange that oh you want to be living alone do you you shall be living alone tomorrow

they're not around I sent them to the bottom of the ocean oh that'd be cool oh dude the plane crashes yeah cut to the Bermuda Triangle that is a great cut in smash I think it's a wishmaster one

where some guys like I want to be rich and then it's his grandmother's mother getting on a plane and the plane explodes. Terrific films, The Wishmaster. You know, the first two Wishmaster. If you were like, oh, does the film Wishmaster have a Looney Tunes-esque cutaway gang? Yep.

People would want to guess no, but the answer is definitely, yes, it does. Eric, you mentioned that the score sort of fills you with dread or whatever. You know what fills me with dread? 15 people in one house losing their fucking mind. This is insane. I get a panic attack almost every time. This is like Magnificent Amberson's type of shit. This is like decaying Victorian era.

Why is this even a thing? How is this house this big? It is a cavernous thing. There's a police officer standing lost trying to get directions and no one seems to care. Well, okay. I have an explanation for that. It's an Italian police officer. You ignore those, of course.

Even if they're in your home, you ignore them. I mean, white privilege is having a cop in your house and just walking around blasé about it as opposed to like, holy shit, everybody stop. But at the same time like being so blaséed that you're not even like, get the fuck out of my house. Like what are you doing here?

Not like, whoa, it's a cop, but just indignantly like get out here. Big Pete for Pete chucks a fucking duffel bag at this cop. Yell an ACAB. That is one of my favorite gags is this huge, it looks like a hockey equipment bag

chucked off the top of this stairs, lands right on Joe Pesci's feet. Should say it off the bat. The performances of Pesci, Joe Pesci, and Daniel Stern in this movie, to the greatest comedic performances. Beautiful. God damn it. And it's kind of great. Like if the, again, if the trivia is to be believed,

they both thought like the movie was going to be shitty and no one would see it. So they were like, let's have some fun and go totally over the top with this. And like, that's why it works so much. I mean, Pesci went to bat for Daniel Ster. They had Daniel, Do you know, got us remember Daniel Roebuck? Absolutely.

In casino, a bat went to Pesci. Yes, he did, Eric. You're correct. And Dominic. This, uh, yeah, Peter McAllis just says hi. No, my brother, you son of a bitch. Daniel Roebuck. Yeah, Daniel Roebuck.

He's one of Timely Jones's guy in the fugitive. He's like, you're never wrong. Jay Leno and the late shift and Dr. R's done lost. That guy specific. He was in the Marv role and Joe Pesch who was like, get rid of him. Bring Daniel Stern on. Well, Daniel Stern turned it down at first. Yeah.

And then they got this guy. And then Joe Pesci was like, it's not working. But again, I mean, this is as good as Daniel Stern gets, I think. This and maybe. Bushwacked. Bushwack. Absolutely. I saw the fact that you vote said that in unison creeps me out.

That's pretty big. No, I was going to say city slickers. Bushwax. Yeah. You know, we were texting the other night and I said like, oh, I'm going to buy this. 27 by 41 sheet of bushwhacked. I wasn't kidding. I bought it.

Yes. That's a pretty fantastic poster. I got to tell you. Bushwacked, a movie I haven't seen it a long time, but guaranteed I've seen it at least like 25 times. Never seen Bushwack. Wow.

FYI. What? You would love it, you know, because it's about a, you know, big city oaf going to the country and learning things.

Steve, I don't get to say this very often, but you're a horrible person. Yeah, I know that. Not seen Bushwacked. Good God. Terrible.

How did you miss that? I mean, we were like such the right. No one listening to this has seen Bushwax. No, no, the Bushback is. It's Daniel Stern plays like a Scuzzy, like Mafia low life or like a hitman or something. Max Grabowski or whatever.

And he fakes being a Boy Scout troop leader. And he's on the run and he takes these kids with him on like a fake hike into the woods while he's trying to escape. Like I think maybe other Scuzzy criminals who are trying to kill him. It's the best case scenario if somebody fakes to be a Boy Scout leader, honestly. Yeah, totally. You want him to be a Scuzzy. mafia washout. He has numerous people

trying to get him. John Polito's trying to kill him, I think. I think it's him and also a doctor God fucking damn it. From Sansa Lambs, the guy who's in charge of Dr. Chilton. Oh, Anthony Heath. Anthony Healed. He's the main guy. Oh, yeah. Healed is in it. Um, by the way, it's currently streaming on Cinemax Go. Max Go. Max Go. For the five people in America

who have Cinemax Go. You got a really love softcore pornography if you're also subscribing. Exactly. Pornhub.com. Just fucking get it over. You mean $7 a month for Cinemax Go? Man. Yeah. They're not even showing full frontal. While we're talking about other movies and not this one.

So that remake, do they reprise the music or anything like that? They do a little bit of it at the end. The remake of Home Alone, not Bushwack. Just to keep everybody in the same. Yeah, the new Home Alone, which is called what, like sweet, sweetbecks, badass Home Alone? what's it called? I believe it's Home Sweet Home Alone

What is this stupid fucking title? Home Sweet Home Alone? It should have been Home Alone for the holidays I try to keep it in that Yeah Home Sweet Home Alone

The majority of the score Is like Trying to see How far you can get Toward the bug Zapper lamp Until you get electrocuted How far can we get Before we're going to get sued

By John Williams Because I feel like John Williams has people out there Like no Oh big touch you at shit he's got hunters yeah you do not touch john's arrangements okay that's exactly right uh but that movie interestingly expands the universe right like it's set in the world of this first movie oh yeah it's a continuation because buzz is there right i think it's like a one two

and then the three four direct to DVD or ABC family five those got to be disavowed right i think they don't exist in this because well the fourth one is all characters from this movie more or less played by different people. Well, that's a bad. French Stewart plays Daniel Stern and then like his character has a wife who's Missy Pyle and then there's some other little kid playing Kevin McAllister. They somehow got younger, right?

I think it's a younger kid. I don't know. I don't know. None of that stuff exists. I think it's like a one two and then this one because of that new one buzz is in it and they mentioned Kevin McAllister. So buzz is a cop in that one? He's a cop. Do you think when he looks at Joe Pesci at his doorway here, he gets inspired a little bit. I think that's when Buzz

decided to heed the call. I can just stand around in people's houses unannounced and just do whatever I want. That glowing golden tooth, you know? I'm going to hunt down the shovel killer. Finally, they never got him, but I'll do it. It is kind of

a perfect thing, though, right? Like Buzz would be that dipshit in high school that sucked ass, failed at everything. Everybody hated him. And then it was like, oh, what should I do? I'll become a town cop. Yes. Yeah. You know, so that's, it actually kind of works nicely.

But that movie is fucking terrible and we're not here to talk about it. Good God, avoid it. Well, yeah. So we, I guess we should talk about John Hurd not being able to fucking book a hotel for his life. Like, God damn it. He's loaded in this movie. They all are the whole fucking family. He's loaded. He's financing this trip, right? No, the brother is. Other brother. Is it? I thought it was John Hurd. The third brother. The brother. What? There's phantom brothers. Yes. You see the guy in the background when they go to Paris, Rob, who's the same guy in the second movie who owns the townhouse that's being renovated, that's John Hurd's brother who's like way richer than all of them.

Interesting. This is ill-defined. Catherine O'Hara makes a remark to Joe Pesci at the beginning here, like, oh yeah, my husband's brother is paying for us all to go see them in Paris. Huh. So this one older McAllister, Rob McAllister's financing. And you would just just rolling, we call it. I will see. Yeah, sorry. So maybe it's a situation where like I don't know, these two, they're just like, they're two entrepreneur brothers or something like that because, you know, he's really rich. I mean, Frank is really tight with money.

You don't know what his situation is, but he seems surprised to be in first class. He definitely is, and I think Frank is the brother of Catherine O'Hare. Oh, I see. Yeah. Speaking, we said her name twice and one more time she has to appear.

Much like Beal juice, as a matter of fact. No, the goat, Catherine O'Hara. I think honestly she is the anchor of the, movie. You can almost, I do, and I love Daniel Stern and I love Joe Pesci. I feel like you move her out of this movie. This is not a movie. That's correct. She's the anchor. She's not the savior, though. The savior comes in later. John can't. Yeah, he's just so funny. They have the single best scene in the movie together in that van. It's incredible. And it's a great, like, in your face to all of the like Apatau era improv that we've seen because that fucking

scene in the van is totally improvised between the two. And you can. And you can, can see it. You can watch it. Like she's listening to him making shit up and responding to it and it's just one run. It's one idea and that's all you see. It's not like 20 different cuts chopped together of them doing different runs of shit. Yes.

That's a good way to have improv in your companies. Go back and look at this movie. And it's also not three hours long. Also true. But yeah, everybody, I mean this is like, it just makes my skin crawl. This opening scene, all these kids running around. Everybody

screaming like if I were Joe Pesci in this situation I would just leave I'd be like you know what Marv this house is not worth it but to your point Chris what you're saying is you would think McAllister put some of these people up in a hotel Jesus Christ yes that means full disclosure my

my wife grew up in the neighborhood this was filmed in it is one of the richest neighborhoods in America and you could have there's got to be a holiday in within a mile right but also I'm sorry I'm also pretty sure it's pretty far from the airport so if I'm Frank, I'm like, you know what? Why don't we stay

in the hotel? I don't want to go all the way over there. But it's such a... Last night, man. It's such a cavernous home, though. It's humongous. So, you know, this saves money for buying all the shit in Paris or whatever, right? You should have heard my wife last, when they try to make it to the, with 45 minutes, she's like, full fucking shit. Yeah, I'm sure. It's like, it would never happen.

You're probably an hour and a half away. Remember, this was back in the day when it's like, you could just waltz in holding a fucking 45 magnum and smoking a a cigarette. Oh, right this way. Oh, I'm going to buy. No, no, I'm going to buy the ticket at the fucking gate. Buying the ticket at the gate is an amazing idea. Like, you're buying a bus ticket.

Can you imagine nowadays just going into an airport, going up to like the check-in? And when they're like, oh, you know, can I see your, you know, your registration or whatever? You're just like, oh, I don't have a ticket. What do you got for me? I'm looking to go to Sacramento. What are you

got? I'm really here to browse. I just wanted to see what you guys had to offer. Windows shopping at the airport. You know, I might want to go to San Diego today. Who knows? I'm going to walk over to Delta to see what they got. I'll see. I'll catch you guys later.

I'm going to walk around this airport. That's how it used to be. It was like deciding to go to McDonald's or Burger King. You just sort of nonchalantly go up there whenever you want. You know, I know it's their job. But could you tell the security guards to decide? I'm just browsing. I don't want to make a decision.

It really, it puts pressure on me. Don't worry they don't exist yet. That's true. But yeah, Pesci is casing the joint. and yeah you meet this whole rotten family and it's it's it is great though like you know everyone's pretty well defined it's that John Hughes nasty kid thing

which is like these are some rat bastard children yes exactly which is what you want you want like some they're not cute no one's trying to be cute I mean even Kevin gets cute but like it's not he's kind of a little shithead and everyone's a little shit head

yeah he's like I don't know like I guess because he's the littleest one of of the mccalister five by the way keep that old irish catholic not wrapping it up thing going huh john heard oh yeah no blanks in the bank for him peter mccalister and his canadian bride not wrapping it up she is kind of just letting that fly in this movie more than more than you more than even like beetle juice or anything she's just like i'm canadian

this movie because it doesn't matter right i always appreciate when it's like if it doesn't matter just let them do whatever yes it's totally fine Uh, yeah. Oh, here's something that I love. Great detail. I love the pizza guy coming in. 10 pizzas to this family under $130. Laffable in 2021. Can't even believe it. That's that just proves you. John heard some of the penny pincher. I mean, like you probably got from the worst plate little Neros is probably the worst place. Oh, yeah. It's like I got feet fucking Frank. I'm not going overboard on it. Yeah, that's true. I got a coupon for it. Although it's a nice enough tip for this guy in his incredibly deep. nice tip lady thanks a lot hey I'm the pizza guy I weigh 91 pounds

and I'm 17 years old hey nice tip lady thanks a lot yeah I'm on the high school wrestling team no I don't represent the union I know my voice might sound such but what's this cop doing here hey acab bitch you ain't getting any tip

from me I'm a pizza dirty guy and I went through puberty yesterday well you know I didn't even notice this so was this like ADR

no no I mean I'm sure it's his voice sir are you melting Squirly kid yeah yeah it's just a rich caramel voice I don't know it's very strange

on this lanky little weirdo meanwhile Joe Pesci is going do you live here do you live here to all these all these children the mountains of children this teeming mass

I love the gag of him talking to Fuller played by Kieran Culkin and other girl and they're just like literally staring at him like not saying it's fucking hysterical it's and again it's like that domestic thing that Hughes gets really

well. It's like little kids are scared so they're just going to be staring mouth agape and it's relatable but also very funny. Right. So Kevin is furious of course. He's looking for plain cheese. He just likes himself a nice slice.

This is a little bitchy. I've seen the end of society. It is number two on my list behind him. Fucking buzz shoving this cheese into his mouth. It's a bad one. It's so fucking disgusting. It's not good, man. It makes Vigo Morton's event horizoning look beautiful.

I'm like, whatever fucking Kevin McAllister did, it's not as bad as what I just watched. I don't know who is ordering pizza in this house. The rule is, especially when you're getting a lot of pies. If the four of us got pizza, we would just ask you guys what you want. And we'd get one pizza pro or two. Oh, it's too. Four. But you know what I mean?

Like with a big group order like that, it's just like half of the, 10 pies, five of them are cheese because that's the one that moves the fastest. That's the simple one. And then five, you get esoteric with toppings. That's the move. Always. But the flub here also, dude, when you have a big crowd like this, especially when it's just like a bunch of rotten shit eating children. Sicilian all the way. You're getting square pies on this shit.

None of this big... Because I'll tell you, more surface area to feed these little monsters. You're not going to have to use 10 buys. Also, you need appetizers here to stem the tide. Slow some of these eaters down a little bit. Some mozzarella sticks.

Where's the chicken wings? A salad or two, God forbid. Well, maybe little Neros. Maybe they don't offer it is any way we could pull up the menu from 1990 or a fictional pizza place. That would be great. We could like put together

our little fictional order. Oh, no, no, no. We can't afford little Caesars. No, we're going with little Nero's. Yeah, that's what we're doing. I guess that's what that's referencing. Yes. And instead of pizza pizza pizza, it's pizza pie.

Nero's, little Nero's, it's always burnt pizza. Yes, you don't care. We care not of your pizzas late. We are fiddling away. Exactly. Meanwhile, Kevin also wants, he wants to see a movie with Uncle Frank. Uncle Frank won't let him. He's just complaining to his mother the entire time.

And no one has time for him because we're living for Paris tomorrow. It's fucking 40 people in my goddamn house, kid. Look, she has to be like, look, it's a busy night. We're trying to get everything packed. Your father did not insist that Uncle Frank and his family stay at a hotel near the airport. We got all these Cretans running around. I don't need to hear it from you right now. The weird thing, though, is he's like, he's like, Uncle Frank,

won't let me watch the movie and all the other kids get to what the big kids get to and she's like well if your uncle Frank says no it must be really bad and I'm like what is he showing those kids? Definitely. We never see what Uncle Frank's got in the VCR. Uncle Frank rarely says no is the line

holy Jesus. Oh is that what it is? I mean is it supposed to be they were just watching angels with dirty faces and that's what he's watching later? That's what I would do because the tape would still be there. Oh yeah I guess that's true. They bring that back in this new movie. I just want to, I know Chris is the only one that's seen it, so I'm not going to get into it.

I just wanted to see the look on his face. Is it the same footage or it's different footage? It's like a, it's like a fake sci-fi thing, but there's still being nasty to each other and whatnot and he doesn't even really use it as a gag. Yeah, he's just kind of watching it. Now, Kevin, you can't watch this. Nine and a half weeks isn't really four kids. I mean, Kim Bassinger pictures in general aren't for kids, but you ruined videodrome, you little

jerk. Well, it looks like I don't know what happens when they get to the end of 121 days of Sodom. I only got to 115, you little jerk. You don't need enough, Kevin. Oh, my God. I'm just picturing Uncle Frank starring in 120 days of Salo. Salo.

Anyway. You do get to see Buzz's room with cousin Harold Ramos kid here? Dude, this Harold Rame... I've thought that this kid looks like a little Harold Ramos clone for years. It's really weird. I think he might be one of the ones that doesn't have a name.

There's a couple of these kids that they're just like Kevin's cousin or whatever. That's as far as you're going. I think he's one of Frank's kids. That makes sense. Because it's the eldest girl and one other girl that are the French

brothers' kids. Yes. so in Fuller, one of the little girls and this Dick fucking Ramis are his and I mean like I wouldn't want to meet Frank's kids I'll be honest

I met Frank I don't want to meet him yeah that's true Is this one like he has to go upstairs Or did this Did we skip? I just want to make sure Did we skip over the No we actually went too far

I wanted to talk about When you first be We did go too far As usual No we were talking about The pizza scene Which actually happens later. I don't want to cut off

old man Marley in that whole story. Oh, sure. Right. Yeah. So there, yeah, peering out the window looking at this old bastard, this poor old man, to shovel all this fucking shit his whole life. Meanwhile, Buzz is saying he's a fucking murderer from 1958.

And I do love the detail. Andrew, Andrew cannot handle an old bastard. Andrew's ticked by that one. I have Narraganssen in my nose for the holidays. This old fucking bastard. He's a great old best. He truly is this guy, man.

Yeah, so he killed people with shovels. He's a family annihilator from 1958. And, you know, the old man in the neighborhood, nobody knows what's going on with him. I do love the detail that DeSalt turns people into mummies, which is just a dumb little kid thing. Wow, mommy. That's what I love about this movie is it has these moments that,

not that you need the reminder, but it sort of recenters the idea that this movie is told basically entirely from a child's perspective. So you have those things where it's like, your older brother's telling you the crazy urban legend and you're super freaked out by it with the fucking boiler later and all that stuff.

And the score feeds into that. It gets creepy for a minute. You know what's, oh, you know, and you're watching, you know, he's just doing something totally innocuous. But it might be hard to read if you're Gene Siskel. Oh, God. Oh, yeah.

What are we referencing here? This is outrageous. Ebert and Siskel on, you know, at the movies. They both panned it. Yeah. I remember I hate it. Which I can understand. Ebert hated it so much that in his book, I hated, hated, hated this movie.

The cover of it is him doing the hands on the face. Oh, wow. That's so much he hated. I think that's where we found the North Review when we did that episode. Not enough to talk about the Lord God in this one, I guess. Yeah. But didn't Siskel say something like he did, like he was like, they spent too much time on this, on this killer plot.

Yes. And of course, he's not a killer. It's like, yeah, I know fucking Gene. It's a movie for kids. Owen Gleberman in Entertainment Weekly called, like, essentially called this old propaganda against old people. I wish, dude. I wish it was successful.

And he wasn't even an old person. No. God, that guy just has some heinous fucking toilet takes. At the same time, you know, this might have been the first soldier against kid power, which is like a good thing. You know, we got to push back against kid power a little bit. Yeah, true.

But this is the rally in. cry for kid power this movie this movie this movie is what's set off the whole title way it is indeed yeah you're all your all your like your blank check your uh what other movies there's time first kid is first kid is that you have to live in opposition to an uncle frank i understand suddenly your nintendo power you get in the mail there's like a screed against the elderly how you have to rise up wild in the street style take control that's right get ourselves a 16 year old president Wizard magazine

Kill your parents today I love But so Pesci Not the greatest idea I think obviously these are dim-witted burglars I'm well aware I'm not gonna I'm not gonna find a plot hole here Hong Kong

But you don't want to like You do want to case the joint You do want to find out You know if they have an alarm system smart question You don't want to make your face known though To the people you're robin right Yeah that's a real problem I feel like the other

idea that maybe Marv had Daniel Stern was like, we'll hire some wino to go in and pretend like he's a cop. And then he'll just relay all the important information to him. Excuse me. You have any so you're peeing yourself right now. When are you going to

go on vacation? I have a police job. This ain't going to work, Marve. Shitty Larry won't shower before we do the whole thing. And they ain't going to buy a smelly police officer. That was just a pig that was rolling shit. that was shitty Larry

pardon me lady you might have I shook on your fingers oh hey there little girl I'm officer shitty Larry by the way Pesci's police uniform looks impeccable even has a tie bar

that has a gun and it's just like dude just walk into a house pull out a gun dressed as a cop tie these people up sure you're good you're good yeah

But there's 40 people. This is not even in cold. Well, not this house. Oh, yeah. But I mean, like, you know, in cold blood, you had at least two dudes. For this family, you'd need like four. Totally. Go across the street to that other little kid's house.

In cold blood is a great fucking home alone movie. It kind of is. Yeah, only in that movie, man. The fucking web bandits win. No, kid. I made your family disappear. Cablam. I want to interview you about the home.

alone murders that you perpetrated on Christmas Eve Why did you leave the faucet zone? You didn't know why you left the faucet Son shitty Larry Is it does it make sense You can have a punch me against shitty Larry

Just a little tear coming down his eye As shitty Larry mumbles at him And is hung Oh, that rules Yeah, poor shitty Larry But so yeah He kind of goes away. Yeah.

So this is the big pizza scene. So this pizza scene, man, I'm sorry. But when, when like the ruckus starts with McCulley Coulin moves to, I don't know, egregiously. Yeah. The Pepsi and milk explosion over this pizza. I wanted to vomit. Oh, it's disgusting. It's really hard.

Dude, the scene, like, or the shot in this scene of John Hurd with the big wet water napkins, milk-soaked napkins in pizza. And he throws Kevin's. boarding pass in the garbage too and it's just oh man spilled milk i'm not going to cry over but i will throw up all over and fuller has to go to the hospital do you ever like this because this happens to him it's a funny joke where like uh i think uh maybe his mom or somebody i think it's like a frank stands up and like pushes his chair back because of all the the soda and fuller gets caught between the chair back and the door and the wall yeah like if that comes to your hand dude like you could break your fucking you're breaking this little kid's face yep

Yeah. No succession for him. He's dead. That's right. Yeah, I have a cheek dent here. It's, uh, I got an operation, but it's kind of funny because they pull a similar gag on the burglars in the second movie when he pushes the tool shed or the toolbox. Yeah. Down the stairs and it like flies through the door and Daniel Stern gets scrunched up against it and his nose is like totally bent. That's what I've been for. Yeah. Hey, little kid. How'd you get that scar on your face? Oh, uh, Pete. Pizza gate happened. Dude, no, you get your pineapple. Eat pineapple on pizza. You get your, your nose crush like that, dude. That's, oh, wow. Owen Wilson begins.

Oh, wow. Uncle Frank, but Uncle Frank does utter the iconic. It's great, you know, he launches it buzz, blah, blah, blah, big ruckus. And look what you did, you little. Call it a kid a little jerk.

I love it. And you got to be like, I'm sorry, If you're Peter McAllister, John Hurd, you're like, Frank, could you fucking, come on. You don't know, he's 10 years old. He's old, but no, you're grounded, Frank, come on, shit the fuck. No, he's old enough to be called a little jerk. And, you know, John Hurd totally agrees.

He does actually. That's true. And then Catherine O'Hara, I mean, I also love, there are 15 people in this house and you're the only one that has to make trouble. You know what, lady? Maybe there shouldn't be 15 people in this house. It's a bad enough. You have five children.

Marriott. Ten minutes away. Totally. Fucking swimming pool, Uncle Frank. There's a swimming pool at the Marriott. You could steal everything. There's so much stuff. There's soap there for you to steal. You'd love it, Frank. Dude, the ongoing gag of Frank's cheapness and the stealing the silver run, though, put in your purse, put in your purse.

Did you read about what the original thing with Frank was in the original draft? Touching kids. Yes, indeed. No, I'm kidding. Kitty porn dungeon? What? he was supposed to be the ringleader for the wet bandit secretly.

He was trying to get money from his brother. Wow. An inside job. I like this. You know what? That is kind of believable because these people have clearly too much money. Absolutely.

And Frank is definitely on the, if he is the brother, he's definitely at the bottom of this totem pole. It's French brother on top. John Byrd's doing just okay in Illinois. And he's left in Ohio. Even if he's the king of Ohio, I think it's kind of worse, though, dude, because he's the in-law.

I'm pretty sure Frank is the in-law. And I think that's like, uh, going to Christmas, my fucking brother-in-law, paying for fucking Paris tickets. I got to stay at my other brother-in-law's huge house. He doesn't even have that good stuff to steal. I just got to sit there and eat a shitty cheesy pizza. There is a great line of Joe Pesci has with Marv when they're talking about all the houses and stuff where he's like, Oh, they've got a lot of stuff there, like a VCR, stereos,

probably some very fine jewelry, a cash horde. The term cash horde, and I totally believe that Peter McAllister has a cash hoarder. Oh, definitely. It's like, it's just under, you move that master bed aside. There's like a drop floor, big tash, a couple, three shotguns. A Gomez-Adams type situation, you knock on the mirror all of a sudden you turn around. Oh, I thought, I thought you insinuating that below this house, in suburban Illinois

was a huge Venice-like waterway where you were rowing your fucking tiny little boat. He's got money like that. Might just be down there. I have a gondola budget, this fucking John heard.

Oh, my brother-in-law, Uncle Frank. Tonight we dance the Mamushka. Can I say I'm so excited. I bought Adam's family on 4K and the only way that you can get it is something called the more Mamushka cut. And apparently

it's the same movie, but just the Mamushka's way longer. I'm so excited. Oh, that's awesome. I love the Mamushka. Fucking rocks. By the way, I looked up, I googled Home Alone Family Tree. And BuzzFeed had one in 2016 where they say Frank is a brother

to John Hurd. Oh, okay. Oh, I was wrong. Okay. And this other guy Rob. Wow. Oh, right. Yeah. So you're totally right thing cabin. He is lowest on the ladder and he fucking hates it. And also it's amazing that Buzz started his own

website that became so popular. I mean, after this film. So it's Peter and Kate, and they got the kids, Buzz, Megan, Lini, Jeff and Kevin. Jeff is Big Pete, Michael Molanoi or whatever his name is. Marano

Michael C. Marona. Michael doesn't matter. So Rob and Georgette have kids. Have kids. and question mark question mark question mark it does include the photos which is cool frank and leslie have kids tracy rod sandra brook and fuller oh man uncle frank wrap it up too jesus christ it's a catholic dude huh kevin does make the sign of the cross before he eats that mac and cheese so he's definitely a little catholic kid

that's why they're fucking the pope said you can't wrap it up don't you be talking about the greatest tragedy of this fucking movie he doesn't even get to try that matter of cheese. It's really a bummer, dude, because it looks pretty craftacular. They made that Stoufers look delicious. So she's like, oh, is it Stofer's? Oh, you're right. He gets to the gorgeous store. You're right. And like, this is like, I do think that like, yeah, obviously the credibility of could you ever leave your child when you're getting on a plane? Probably not. They do everything right to get this to be as believable as possible, which it's not. Which is you just, if you're the mom, where's a little kid? Okay, got it. Or is right there. You could leave Buzz. By the way. Buzz left alone, home alone?

Jerk Central for fucking four days. Dude, yeah, that's, he's painting the walls. Every sock in the house is ruined. It's a fucking 16 year old kid. Forget about it. You did laundry three times since we were gone. How? Yeah, the only thing that's impeccably washed are your fucking undies and your socks.

You didn't do any other loads. Or did you? Is this chalk on your jeans? Oh, boy. I can tell you, though, he put him on his pads for master How do you like it? So is there where Christopher Lambert has masturbation pants?

No, Peter Lurie. It's the same impression. Okay, got you. Am. She would have had a field day in this house. A whole lot of balloons going up into the sky. Oh, yeah. So it's like 1936. It's Peter Lorry as Harry and who would play Marv,

I guess. would it be would it be Jimmy Stewart he's tall and lanky oh Harry get over here look I think the little bastards home alone

I would love that it's one continuous take Keep stepping on Christmas ornaments He left his micro machines All over the floor That's the problem Is Jimmy Stewart doesn't have a good scream

And Daniel Stern has a Fulph Oh, man, it's good. It's truly something like that. What would Jimmy Stewart's going, rah. Oh, no, it's a spider. See, it's always talk.

You can't, but bra. I'm going to bite all of his fingers on. Oh, no, I burned my hand on the door. It says M in my hand. Damn it. Now this is there. Not even the jackets with the chalk. M on my hand forever.

Now I'm just one of those guys that has to continually wear a glove. When that happens, I was thinking of a Raiders of the Lost Ark. Yes, that's another solid burned hand from a doorknob in that movie. Yeah, totally. Bar alone.

But she, she sends him up there and wouldn't you know it? I do think there's some magic involved here because the score swells and there's, you know, the power line goes on the, the tree goes in the power line. And that is one of the inciting incidents for him being home alone after he wishes.

to be home alone. That's true. God literally doesn't. Wow, is you magic in home alone? I never considered it before. I think I'll have to make a wish like this. I don't think I've ever been home alone. I don't think I've ever been away from another person for more than a, like an hour or two. I'm not even joking. That's unfortunate, man. You need time to yourself. I don't get that. You don't wish for your electricity just to go out out of nowhere. No, I should start. You should. Just add up more times. I do it to be clear that I don't believe that that's actually magic. but the movie kind of plays it that way a little bit. Yeah, I guess it's a little wistful

with the music or whatever. They also do that good to make like the mood more scared. Like when he's running, they use that almost a similar shot of the dry branches going up and down and the menacing music. So you're also supposed to just be like oh, he's scared too. Yes.

Do you catch what's going on in this attic by the way? What's going on? So, you know, Catherine O'Hara's like, all right, you've ruined dinner, you know, up to the with you. You know, I won't make fuller sleeve with you. He wets the bed. I love the ongoing joke of Phil. Take it easy on the Pepsi

pal, all that stuff. The rubber sheets are packed. And he does give a great little smile that he's like, I'm drinking this Pepsi tube wet the bed I guess. Yeah, it's a malicious Pepsi sip, definitely. But you get upstairs and you look at this, they

call it like the hide-a-bed, the pull-out couch. That mattress is right by this huge stove that's up there. This fucking attic's a tender box, man. I'm telling you right now, that's home alone right there. Burn the house down. I will say, though, it's a convincing

house from Illinois. What does Buzz have on his fucking door? A humongous Michael Jordan poster? Oh, sure. The iced tea poster. Thank you. Oh, yes. The iced tea poster is pretty sweet. That's pretty hilarious. I also noticed that there is a huge Michael, Michael Jordan. There's also a huge Isaiah

Thomas poster as well. Another, like, almost life size. Isaiah Thomas. And I'm like, that's like having George Bush and Saddam Hussein posters in your house. They are opposing forces. You cannot be fans of voting. That's true. I would keep the Saddam Hussein poster.

That dude was fucking handsome. The mustache. Cooler outfits. Absolutely. The beret? My poster is being outsold by Saddam's again. Best we're going to have to invade bar. New I should have grown a mustache for

the poster pick bar. Knew it. Now we got to invade. Get a bomb Kuwait because I took a bad poster pick. Maybe we should call the Disney Corporation, make me more likable. I mean, kids stuff. I do like little George. That war was absolutely about merchandising. Oh, yes.

Yeah. But yeah, so he wakes up the next morning. And this is a thing. I'm going to try my best not to keep fucking kvetching about this new movie. But one of the things I always loved about this movie. And I still do is I love him waking up and slowly piecing together what's going on. The new movie is he wakes up and he's like, oh, look at that. Everybody's gone.

Well, time to watch TV. Is he British? Yes. What the fuck? Are they in England? No. How'd this happen? It's illegal to show an American on television.

It's right. Right. Isn't it? And now they're slapping you in the face about it because they're not even asking him to try to do an American accent. It's just British. so what's the story there do that please tell me the film the plots this out they give him a British mother also yeah that's kind of the dad is American just get there

or something because a kid you're as a child your accent would eventually dissipate I would imagine yeah maybe they did just get there I think they're fresh there because they haven't made friends yet you know oh I guess that's right British people you're fresh off the boat here look at you got a target on your guess what? Either you play Dr. Strange or you get the fuck out of here.

You either play Dr. Strange or I'm breaking into your fucking house. I will say, speaking of accents, because you grew up in Chicago's little kid, you pretty much lost that accent, right? Eric, is that correct? Well, I was very, very young when we moved, yeah. So I was like four or something. Because you would have sounded like this kid who's my favorite character in the movie. Oh, my God.

Does this car get good gas mileage? Does it have automatic drive? Dude, this kid was boring. in a Wrigleyfield dugout. It's fucking incredible this way. He's talking to the guy who's driving the airport van. And they sound exactly the same.

It's like, oh, does this cat four-wheel drive? Yeah, kid, where's your parents? Yeah, Mitch Murphy is an agent of chaos. I love this kid. I mean, it's like, that's a thing. You couldn't lose buzz because you'd be like, oh, where's that humongous fucking. Yeah, totally.

This little kid with a hat, that makes more sense. Is it cold there in French? We're going to Orlando. I do love this idea that it's such a rich neighbor that no one's around for the holidays. The fuck you have this enormous Christmas house for, dude? Why do you have Christmas trees lit while you're gone? And why are their presents under it if you're not even going to be there?

That happens. He does go when he's a crop, when you see the burglars and whatever, they're at this, what is it, the Murphy's? It's the Murphy. It's a Miss Murphy's. Yeah. And that's the kid who's like, yeah, we're going to Florida. And like, they're just opening the copious amounts of presents under this Christmas tree. Did you fucking forget him? Are the presents home alone? Oh, my gosh. My presents got robbed by the wet bandits.

Ah, geez, the basement's ruined. Everything is ruined. That water damage is serious stuff. You're going to demolish that house, dude. Yeah, it's fucking insane. They took all my presents, the wild boar sausage, the gator sausage, the pork sausage. the pork sausage, the beef sausage, the chicken sausage. They took all the sausage. We got more sausage coming tomorrow, Mikey.

It'll be fine. Sausage claws always comes to 26 anyway. Oh, my God. They took the stacking stuffers. It's all the Portillo's gift coupon books. The idea of a sausage clause coming on the 26th is delightful to me. Oh, who's hungry? Yeah, the problem with the sausage claws

is that they keep on having heart attacks Every two months, just dropping dead Yeah, we got to keep replacing the sausage claws I saw mommy kissing sausage claws They were both having a heart attack Ah, God, dang it, you know, the sausage clause Had a heart attack right at my kitchen table there Now I'm the new sausage clause

That's part of the clause You gotta eat at the end of it there So now I'm gonna be having walking around Being a fucking big old fat guy until I eventually have a heart attack. That's, of course, is why I got the meat beard now. Just dangling meats. Yeah, I got this.

Yeah, I got this beard made a dangling sausage. Look like David Jones in that Pirates movie. Oh, man. Yeah, they could like start playing the piano. Yep, yeah. Sausage for all the good families of the great city of Chicago. And, yeah, if you're bad, you get sausage no matter what. Honestly, I got to deprive.

I'm not going to deprive a kiddie sausage. I got sausage. It's going to go bad. I don't want to. All right. Look, for the good boys and girls out there, we got the pork sausage. We've got the beef sausage. You've been a bad little boy or girl out there.

I'm sorry, chicken sausage. It's going to be a turkey sausage. It's going to be a dry Christmas for you guys. Yeah, you get that imaginary stuff. What's that beyond sausage? Oh, yeah. For all the bad kids, you get to be on crap. That is the sausage clause.

coal equivalent. Plant-based protein sausage crumbles. And the odd thing is the bad kids are outliving the good kids by like two to one there. No, it's the holidays. I'll get you some candied sausage. All right. Well, it's now December 27th.

I guess I'll burrow back under Soldier Field just spend the rest of the calendar year making sausage until I've got to come back out on the 26th. And instead of milk of cookies, it's just too old style. that's an old style and a shot, a boiler maker for old sausage clause here. Carmelize some soapersetta here. Shot of a lord. That's an old style and a shot of a lord for sausage class.

This is honestly a better, it sounds like a better tradition than Santa Claus. I mean, dude, getting sausage on the 26th. Yeah. Dude, sausage when I didn't know I was getting sausage. There's nothing better than surprise sausage. In a Britsdale, they're called Boxing Day. It's sausage clause day here in the great city of Chicago. It's only within the city limits, though.

These people, they make hams and turkeys, heretics. Heritage. Sausage. It's supposed to be sausage. So the power. There you go, go bears. Talk to you shooting. All right.

So the power goes out. The power goes out. Yeah. Yes. And Heather is doing this big head count. By the way, since we talked about it on. our Honey I Shook the Kids episode

huge kid crush on Heather growing up just for that and she's also in previous episode Cool as Ice She's the late She's the girl

Oh really Yeah I think that's it I think it's this And that and that is it Interesting now you're saying Now Heather And I think you even read her

God damn name off that list I don't even remember What she looks like She's the taller She's the oldest of the kids She's probably 18 or something like that Is she the one that After this movie

Left Acting to do judo? One of them left acting and joined the U.S. Olympic judo team. Nice. What came from, no, because cool as ice had to be after this movie, right?

Yes, it would have to be. All right, so it's not her. Okay. Maybe it's one of the young girls. Oh, wait. Maybe L'Ampitant. Oh, yes.

That could be. But yeah, great line delivery. Le Capiton. You're what the French call laissez-competon. Yeah. College-age, McAllister cousin, absolutely.

No doubt about it. Here's a thing. Multiple panic attacks going off for me in this movie. Because the first one, it's just too much family, panic attack. Yes. The whole frantic rush to an airport, oh, my heart was fluttering. I would like to imagine that every time they sleep in, they do this. We start this.

They're just like late for church. The movie starts in 10 minutes. So I was like, Mom, why don't we just get the next one? No, we got to run around fast motion. I love the fast motion. It's fucking corny, but it works here for me. I don't know. It does.

It does work. It's super fun. They go and they do waltz right on. No security line. That's for fucking sure. No, not a metal detector to be found in this airport. No clear line. No, nothing to worry about there.

No one asking you if you want to be a part of the clear program. I don't know about that clear. they stick and set up something up your ass to figure that out? I think the microchip, yeah. You know what? We already got it with the vaccine.

That's true. Yeah, it's a good point. What's another microchip? Yes, your TSA approved. Would you like to be double triple TSA approved? Do you know you need your TSA booster shot? Well, yeah, I just don't get it because it's like the whole appeal of TSA pre

is the no line. What else do I need? Well, there's now, the thing is, it's like a lot of airports. Now there is a line for TSA. So now there's another premium line to get on. Everybody realized that they could pony up $80 every 10 years or whatever it is. Why don't you pay us more money?

And put this bug in your house. They make it on the plane. And yes, Kevin wakes up slowly and he does believe by magic. But a very important other thing that does a lot of work here is that the phones are out. The power went out. Oh, it's got to take Ma Bell a couple of days to first. figure that out. Oh, yeah. Whoa, with the holidays. I love it. Catherine, my hair here is so great. She's like, yeah, yeah, I don't give a shit. It closes the door on him.

But sausage claws isn't going to be able to find your house. Oh, gosh. Oh, man, we got to get the power back on. If you don't have your lights on sausage clause, ain't going to know where to stop. Oh, geez. I guess they like the lean meats. It's probably okay with the turkey and ostrich sausage. They're messing out on sausage. You believe it? I love this. The dude that say that my bell a couple of weeks. That guy looks exactly like, uh, oh, what's his face? Keith Hernandez. Oh, a little bit, yeah. Most recent addition to the Q flock. Oh, right. He's a Qanon guy now. I think that's right. Who are the new inductees, him and Stallone? Stelone. Tim Stallone, Mr. Met. Oh, Mr. Matt. Dude, that's, it broke up him and Mrs. Met. Can you even believe it? Yeah. The toll of all these

internet conspiracies. I, you know, I feel good because I've always been a Philly fanatic man. Oh, you don't want to know what that guy believes. Well, it's got to be better than the Q. Yeah, he's waking it out, but he thinks, by magic, this family's gone. I made my family disappear. Yes, and he's happy about it. Can I do this to other people? He's just staring out the door, trying to make people. Wait for old man Marley to walk by.

You have made your family disappear, but now you will leave in my Ruby forever, or whatever it is I do. I am the gin. Mr. McAllister. Oh, what's that you wish for sausage claws to come? every day of the year fine reverse thinner have all the sausage you want

that would be cool like sausage claws is a contemporary of the wishman absolutely oh hey I should go in there gin hello sausage claws

oh geez it's sausage claws I can't believe it I thought I was going to dodge him at lunch again did you catch the Bears game no I don't watch sports I told you it's very odd because I am

thousands of years old and he was established in 1976. Yeah, I just came around in time for the bicentennial. If you can even believe it, Jin. I think the Cubbies have it this year. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, yes, that's right,

sausage claws. The cubbies will be having it all right. It kind of makes sense, though. Like, you have all these guys from the dawn of time like the Wishmaster. You start cycling in some new blood. Exactly. Some new myths like sausage claws. Yeah, or Slender Man.

Exactly. It's very real, by the way. You should, like, give him a gift basket in the woods near your house. You know, he's safe. You know, Slendy's very quiet. You know, he hasn't been... Yeah, I noticed that. He didn't even say anything when I said we should go to pitchfork pets.

Never touched a sausage. I can tell just by looking at him. It's ridiculous, man, because his hands are huge. You imagine all the sausage eating cramming them paws? Salad, man. Well, he's very busy up there in the slender mansion. Ooh, la-di-da. Oh, my God.

They could break into the slender mansion, Joe Pesci and... So, where would sausage Paws, Claus, that's sausage Paws. Sauscious Paws is us when we get the sausage. The sausage pies is sausage claws is dog. No, but where does sausage claws live? It's not the North Pole. He lives under Soldier Field.

He's toiling in the bowels under Soldier Field. In the eternal tailgate that is underneath Soldier Field. Soldier of the damned constantly smoking meats. He lives on a grill down there. In 1976, some Cubby, some Bears fan was just like, you know, the Bears totally tanked this game. You know, I would just love a sausage right now. It's the day after Christmas

and kaboom this guy became the first sausage clause. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's right. Every time someone slips and falls into the Chicago River, that's how you become sausage claws. You take up the mantle.

Hey, Jay, Jay, Jin, will you hear when they were filming the fugitive here? It was amazing. Just incredible. Oh, I told you I don't watch American films. But so, you know, he made his family disappear.

he's that now we're having some fun we're jumping on the bed and I mean I do think for a kid actor McCulley's very good you know what I mean? Yes, he's very charming it's precocious but it doesn't it doesn't turn your stomach necessarily the other thing that you get right here and it's so awesome it's not

throughout the entire movie because we are just blessed with this John Williams score but right here where it's time to celebrate that the family disappeared you got some fucking grade A all-American fat guy junk handy music. Yeah. It kicks in and this kid's dancing

all over. Man, it rules. We watch Angels with Dirty Souls or is it? Dirty faces? Yes. I don't remember. Yeah. And Johnny, I'm sorry. Jotty, I'm sorry. Oh, you're sorry. One, two, ten. This guy is disgusted.

Oh, it's awful. It's there, yeah, it's really cool. He kind of looks like Robert England like made up. up a little. It just was like Freddy is about to turn. I looked him up and I was like, of course, that's where I know him from. He was in Blues Brothers as one of the police dispatchers. That was

this like use of force against the Blues Brothers has been authorized. Oh, really? That guy? Yeah, I believe so. The dispatcher. Oh, that's pretty cool. Was I the only one who thought this was a real movie when I first watched? Oh, yeah. Oh, I definitely did. Yeah, I was like, wait, can I see it? Yeah, totally.

I was like, do you got this? I mean, like, you know, if you want that shit just watch like a bunch of Jimmy Cagney movie. Yeah, you want this Cagney film? You, an 8 year old? You know that movie from Home Alone was fake, right? What? It's interesting that he would even bother to turn it on and then

he would get so scared of it that he would yell for his mother. It's kind of great, right? That's just another one of those. Says the guy who didn't see a horror movie until he was 22. But I was watching people get shot in film when I was much younger than this. Yeah, but that's, it is another thing where

it's like, it reminds you nicely that he is a little kid. Yes. Part of this movie is him, like, saying that he's not scared, which I do love later in the movie where he's like, he has the first scare

from the wet bandits. And he goes out and he's like, oh, I'm not afraid. I'm not. And then fucking old man Marley's there. And like, it's just a perfect, like he sees him,

screams immediately and runs back in. And they do a good job again of the credulity is there, but it's also like, they don't put this kid in that much danger. You know what I mean? It's not like, He's not like fucking with the stove, you know what I mean?

Like, which would be the first thing he would definitely be fucking with that stove, right? He's like, I've got a cook dinner. Oh, no, I'm dying. I'm just going to put this food and this fork and spoon in the microwave and we're going to start it right up here. That's weird. The burner's not going, but I hear this hissing noise. Well, I want to play a fun little game somewhere else. I'm going to go sleep.

Oh, no. We're going to sleep right here in the kitchen. You know what? I'm going to... Todd Solentz is home alone. With my head in the oven. Man, Todd Solent's home alone.

NC17 and no thank you. Absolutely. Except yes, please. One please for Todd Solent's home alone. Just Dylan Baker trying to get in your house. Yeah, I know you're in there. I can smell your feet from here. I can't wait to wedge myself down your chimney.

Wow. man how about this buzzes fucking chest of sin oh yeah again that's why this would be a five-day jerk stash because he's got the pornography yeah crunchigators uh-huh he's got the picture of his girlfriend did you yeah it's weird the trivia it's weird super weird right it's weird as hell because i thought that girl was hot as fun because it's a weird little fat joke right like it's like oh like a fat girl buzz your girlfriend the move would be if you want to do that because and then the idea idea is like they felt weird about doing that joke so they made a boy wear the wig so

it wouldn't be so mean to that girl actress which is sort of okay sort of also weird the move would be you just a not have that joke at all but like Kevin picks up a picture you don't see it's all you just see Kevin look at a picture you see the back of the picture you is buzz your girlfriend woof and he throws it away and you don't need now you're not demeaning children for being fat exactly I like that much better but I also would I would also except Devin Rat Ray in a wig. Just Buzz in a wig. Buzz's girlfriend looks exactly like him.

Yes, that's also kind of. It's sort of like an earnest-esque gag of some kind. I don't know. But you're totally right. The way to do that is he's just looking at it. And it's like, Buzz your girlfriend, woof. And he like drops the frame completely from his hands. Devin Rat Ray great in Blue Ruin, which I watched this year.

Great. Oh, yes. Fantastic movie. He plays a friend with all the guns. Yeah. That, yeah, Buzz has gone on to play a lot of roles

where you're like, that's just that guy. Uh-huh, exactly. Nebraska. I mean, he's, he's perfect.

He blends right in. Totally. I still have not seen Nebraska. She got to catch up with it. Oh, yeah. I just missed it whenever it came out. I never caught up with that.

You got some good durn in that, man. A plus Dern. One more fucking rodeo, man. Going to get stealing your fucking house. Bruce Dern as Harry. Oh,

man, like a 70s. Home Alone. They made that already called straw dogs. Oh, yes, absolutely. Poor fucking, not even poor...

Everyone. Yes, poor everyone. Everybody loses in the straw dogs. Oh, we're going to make their family disappear. David Warner kills a child and for some reason Justin Hoffman is protecting him. That should happen in this because obviously is inspired by straw dogs. Right.

He brings some child killer and he's like, the cops are going to have to deal with it, okay? No mob justice. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. He's got cracked glasses. His line when he throws away the playboy is hilarious. He's like, no clothes on anybody. Sickening.

Yes. Oh, if you only knew, Kevin. Oh, if you only knew, brother. But that's like you have to, you know, because he can't be fucking licking his lips like a cartoon wall. No, that'd be gross. And this is what, like, you know, obviously he starts to realize that he has to do things for himself.

Because at the beginning they set it up, like, he's afraid to he won't pack his own suitcase they're like right les he's gonna be tall you can't do shit

you're just a little kid you're helpless right so we're gonna prove everybody wrong by going to the store and doing all this

fun sledding down the stairs doing the American psycho bit into the mirror oh yeah I bought this this beautiful

skincare regimen from CVS whoa alcohol dude there is an idea of Kevin McAllister an abstraction You have him, right?

He's just in the shower and he's peeling off his fucking face. I'm simply not there. Let's see Buzz's Fleer Michael Jordan card. Don't just stare at the cheese pizza. Eat it. Oh, there you go.

Not the face. Not the face. One of the traps would be he just drops a chainsaw. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I trapped him good. Oh, boy, he's bleeding out there.

He just, goes up to Old Man Marley and he's just like, oh yeah, you're estranged from your family for the holidays, huh? Old Man Marley's like sitting on the stoop, you know, you just start stabbing him. And it kicks his dog to death, which he doesn't have in this movie.

Kevin goes up to the first ATM ever made and tries to put a cat in it. Yes. I like all this. I love, so what we're doing, you know, for most of this movie is like, we just briefly cut back to what the family's doing.

I guess there was a larger thing about like the family in Paris, but they were like, no, test audiences were like, when are we going to get back to Kevin and the burglar? So they cut a lot of it down. But you have them, at least on the plane, I really love her, Catherine O'Hara again being like,

yeah, I'm a terrible mother. How do I forget my child? And Uncle Frank's, like, reaching out to offer some support is like, well, it makes you feel any better. I forgot my reading glasses. Thank you, Frank. Thank you.

It is a lot of help. But she's great. You know what I mean? She plays it. Because there are a lot of actresses or performances where you would just be like, oh, wow, what a horrible mother. But you feel for her. Right. I mean, she's funny.

She's likable. She's dialed down. They never let her go too far up. Exactly. Yeah. They're very smart about that. Yeah. And it works out because, like, she's going through all of the emotions that you would have.

It's not just like she's freaking out. She's also, like, embarrassed. Yes. You know, she feels horribly embarrassed. Like, this is, you know, this is what it looks like to the outside. me as a mother, you know. I would even say she is freaking out in little smart ways, like the way she shoves the lady off the phone and stuff like that, the way she dresses down all these people at the gate.

Like those things are good and it's it makes for good scenes rather than just her screaming. And maybe it seems deleted, but Pete McAllister is cool as a cucumber here. Yeah, he's just kind of like, look, we're going to get to my brother's house. Nothing we can do about it now, babe. We're on the other side of the island. Look, we're here. We might as well still do the Eiffel Tower. tour, and then we'll call the house.

We had five kids for a reason. One might get lost or killed, or two or five. You know, who knows? Are we so bad with a quartet? Huh? Honey, you know, if this was a hundred years ago, you lose your youngest kid, you move on. That's right.

This is Paris, baby. We would talk about this for years. Look, we're going to the Muzé d'Orsay, baby. Fuck that kid. He'll be fine. He's got his micromachines and his ice cream. I mean, you're 36 years old, and you have five kids. Just relax. for a weekend. Who cares about that one? It's not like Kevin's going to get consumption.

Just fucking let it go. Consumption. He does, you know, he goes to the store to buy a toothbrush, cute joke about this is the American Dental Association. This is where you just lie to children. I just like the kid, like he saw it on a commercial

or something. He wants to repeat it. Right. And it's so fucking annoying. You should just slap upside the head. like, yes, it is. Yeah, here's the approval. Let me slap that on there for you. Back then, by the way, 1990, you could hit anybody's...

You could hit anyone's good. Children today, listening to this, don't know that, but like, I would just walk around somewhere some person would just smack the shit out of me. Or just get grabbed. Oh, the fucking grabs. Oh, you're going to get a serious grab going.

What are you doing here? Take your whole arm out. It's a real fucking arm grab. Dude, you got it all the time. Shop keeps? Hey, Postalman. The slap would have been a comedy sitcom. would not be

totally there were people of our generation that looked at the slap and went so that were sounding like those awful Facebook posts that go around off and it's like in my day I got hit in that fucking rule and it's like well not really it actually kind of caused me to become a broken person

exactly that's like a podcast going yeah my life children it's hilarious is a roadmap of pain but this is when I guess he sees a top here, right? He thinks that he's a friend. What causes him to run out of the store without paying? So they're like, you know, oh, I don't know about it.

And then old man Marley walks in the store. Oh, that's right. And he's buying band-aids because he's got a cut on his hand. I don't know, man, from killing squirrels or what? It's just, yeah, DNA evidence everywhere, old man, Marley. Absolutely, date lines coming to your house, motherfucker. Cold case wide open now. I'm trying to get off to killing of the people. I'm just trying to kill animals now.

I'm putting him in my little salt bucket. Trying to get off. That's why he does it. Trying to make some cat mummies in my salt bucket. And then we get Jimmy the intrepid fucking boy detective. Fuck this kid. I know. You know what a kid.

Choplifter. Oh, wow. He stole a 50 cent toothbrush. And this cop is ready to bring him down like his fucking Wilson Fisk. He abandons. He has stopped some driver for who knows what. Exactly. Oh, that you're free to go, ma'am.

I'm going to go brutalize a child. Part of me, man, what's with the blood on the dash there? Oh, shit, a toothbrush, better leave this alone. Or I'm going to run after him. I'm going to pretend it's a French connection. You know, I saw that movie, man. So that's seven, eight, nine bodies you got him back there. Yeah, I'm going to have some questions about that.

Oh, kids! Stolen toothbrush. They should have went full on fucking to your point, Chris. The fugitive, he chases them all the way out to the sewer there. I didn't steal the tooth. brush. I don't care. I've got a quota. He should have tossed that toothbrush, man. But what are you going to do? Definitely toss the evidence. You got to go out there. Or throw it at the cop in his mustache

face. It is great watching this dude try to fucking run on the ice and McCulley Culkin like slides right across it. I guess he was like deathly ill when they filmed this scene. McCulley Colton? He had consumption? He might have. I mean, you can hear it when he's yelling right here. Like he looks terrible. And like his voice is clearly fucked up. The kid or the cop. The kid. McCauley Calkin was sick. Couldn't tell. He always looked sick.

He's just a sick looking kid. That was a charm. Right, yeah, he's pale as a sheet. He's like, you know. Look at this charming little cat. How was he not Casper, by the way? Right.

I'm sure he turned that down. He'd do that right in the fucking trash. Yeah, well, 1995. Yeah, he was kind of, he had just done. Well, Pagemaster was 94. Who did the voice, though, of that? Why don't Devin Sawa?

Why don't you stuff that in Sawa's mail? box, you piece of shit. I did my time. I'm Ritchie Rich, motherfucker. That's true. Yeah. And I think they were trying to probably do a cinematic universe of that horrible comic series. Richie Rich and Casper get them all together.

Absolutely. Oh, that's right. I forget. Ritchie Rich was 94, wasn't it? Previous episode. That's right. So is the Good Son. Best movie The Bunch on it. So is Casper. Do you know the story about him getting cast in The Good Sun? I do not. They had the movie cast with somebody else. And Culkin's shitty dad was like,

you want him for Home Alone too? You're giving him the good son. That's the move. They had to cook it. They had to kick it back a whole year. Good. Ready to fucking film. Good.

That's the fucking that piece of shit Culkin. I wonder if it's under my business. I wonder if Kieran ever is still okay with that rotten brood or not. With the family. I think the kids are all close. They all have the parents. Yeah. Yeah, that's the, they had the one sister who passed away, but everybody else is still

around and they like each other, but the dad's a piece of shit. And I think it's only Kieran and Rory that act. Well, you know, the dad might be a piece of shit. I don't know the specifics there, but that's your meal ticket, motherfucker. Exactly. Those kids are never going to go hungry. It's true. She calls the cops from Paris.

There is a bunch of frustrating, dumb police business here. it's the other like thing we have to close up to make this movie work. So it's like she's getting tossed between two different parts of the police department. You got some lady who's like it's like a lady cop who's doing gift wrapping while answering emergency calls

and then passes it over to the guy from Seinfeld and friends. The fake fake framer guy. Yeah, steals the raisins and he's like, I think he's like the landlord on Seinfeld. Yes. This dude's great. On friends. Excuse me. Yeah. Yeah. He's Monica and Rachel's landlord. I love this guy.

the die job, I don't know if it's a die jab or like, was it just, they're making this movie in 89 and this guy, he must have been dying his hair. It looked kind of fake. Yeah, I mean, especially on the, on the nice transfer there. I've always appreciated. Is your, is he, has he been struck by an impaired family member or whatever the hell he's saying? This is Sergeant Larry Balzac, I believe his name is, which is awesome. I've always loved the, uh, the Foley work on this dude eating donuts, they are getting like the bite and the, like so perfect for this guy. It's, it's disgusting. Oh, it says chills up my spot. I mean, he does so much good work. I mean, this is just like professional. Like, he does so much work with this donut, like the

way it moves and everything. You're just captivated the whole time. It's a lazy joke copied donut, but if you're the right actor, you can do it right. Well, it's great because you're not saying donut. You're just watching them do it. In the background, there's a plate with like four other Donuts stacked up on top of each other. This guy's making a morning of it. That's what I'm getting through today. It's a five donut day. You want us to check on him?

So they send a cop to the house. And this is like, it's totally believable fucking idiot cop buffoonery. Like this guy is told, oh, there might be a child that's been left home alone. We need to go do like a health and safety check on him. And this guy runs up and he's cop knocking on this front door fist, slacks. am in this door. Of course you can scare the little guy. I mean, it makes sense that Catherine Harris so worried about the kids' welfare,

etc. And I mean, I guess they have money to get out of the situation. You don't want to get the state involved if you leave your son home alone. You might not get that kid back. You've got a place. Well, again, though, like Eric keeps pointing out, you got five of them. That's true. You get one taken away. You still got four. He's taken away to make

wallets or something. That's fine. But so the wet bandits are doing their thing. And their plan, again, I know. It's fun little comedy movie. I'm not, I'm not going to get too nuts. Sure. But if you're, hey, there's this rich neighborhood and everybody goes on vacation. It's amazing. You do all these houses in one night. You don't want to be keep going in and out of this neighborhood with this big conspicuous van driving around. This old man is still there. You got to kill that old man.

Sometimes you like to go back to the crime scene and revel in the experience. Sure. So maybe that's part of it. They're not the fucking night stalker, man. the fucking wet bandits. Well, that's the thing is if they weren't doing like, that would be stupid if they did all in one night because then they would like

be like, oh, they did all of them so they have to answer for all these crimes. If they did it separately like this and didn't have the fucking wet bandit thing, they might have been able to plead like, we didn't do this one.

They're gone on vacation. It doesn't matter if you do it the night before it's all the same, you know, it's a string of burglary. I agree with you. I would hit them all in one night. Yes, you get it done.

And then you never come back because you're not fucking driving in and out. And if some kid makes a nuisance of themselves, they get put into that fucking furnace. Look, if it's you know, quote, reservoir dogs, the difference between me doing 10 years and taking out some dumb motherfucker.

Yeah. You take out that dumb motherfucker. I'm just glad that's the line you pick from that movie. Oh, yes. I was like, where's this going? That's the only one you could use. And it's a tightrope. It's that and stop pointing that

gun at my dad. I love when they're like, get ready to boygle. And she's like crow vars up. And they clink crowbars. God damn it's fucking great. They are having. They are having just two fucking legends. It honestly makes me want to break into houses.

Yeah. It seems like a fun profession. That's one thing I would be a little worried. They do have too much of a good time. Like hang out, like opening the presents. I'm like, are they babies? They're bad bungling criminals is the thing. But to your point, Chris, it is, I think in a lesser movie, they would be

total babies. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like really, like, I mean, Marv is really dumb. Harry's dumb too. But there's a smallest bit of an edge there.

You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Yes. And like you, and they're scuzzy, they're scuzzy looking enough. Like there's, you wouldn't be,

the movie definitely doesn't want little kids to be scared of them. But it's right on that cusp. Here's, here's the thing. You can make a pretty educated guess that the wet bandits have participated in what we,

call around here, Fargo Sachs. Oh, absolutely. They have been banging two broads in a motel room with fucking two twin beds next to each other. That's how the fucking bad reception college football game on. That's how the movie should have opened. So this movie's about a kid

who's left home alone. Yeah, we'll get there. We'll get there. No, but you're actually you're right though, Eric. Especially with Chris's fan theory that Uncle Frank is in on it, it starts like Fargo. They meet them at the the whatever the that bar

the shitty dine the ace of cups bar whatever the diner look at the car you got you little jerk it would I mean that would be interesting to see Frank get the screws put to him

because he's such a reprehensible character there's a line cut apparently they filmed it when he's given everybody shrimp in Paris like he's just rummaging through somebody else's fridge he calls Fuller a punk he's like move you punk Yeah.

They're like, that's too hard. Oh, wow. Really? Punk? To your own child? Yes.

Well, I think that's probably it. It's like to your own child. It's like, that's so great. Listen, I'll give you some things my parents call me in the day. Punk ain't nowhere near it.

Temperatures way down on punk. It was like the script of reservoir dogs. It's fucking insane. I do love that fucking trip thing, though, because the sister-in-law who lives, in Paris and she's the Rob doesn't have a line in this movie the sister-in-law does and she just goes

Frank those are for later and he totally ignores her and he's like Shrimp everybody wants some shrimp and we're watching It's a Wonderful Life in French and that's a fun joke Yeah he's doing a big shrimp thing for a bunch of kids Like I was not into shrimp Oh dude no definitely

Oh I was so into shrimp Oh I was a shrimp guy Oh dude I did we had a thing We'll laugh about it to this day way, way back. My grandparents, I don't know if it was like Christmas or Thanksgiving or something,

I was going buck wild on this part of shrimp. And my grandmother, like Manhattan and hand cigarette in the other room was like, don't eat that shrimp! Just fucking screaming at a little fat grandson.

Oh yeah. I mean, you must be right. This is something because like all the kids are like, yes, shrimp. Yes. We want the shrimp. I remember like just like,

you know, you go with your parents or something. They'll get you like a shrimp cocktail or something. Yeah, that's fine. But like, weird to be like your Christmas day and your big tree. It's not cookies.

It's not like something you might expect. Dude, I'll take shrimp. I wish the Shrimpy claws. That's another guy. Shrimpy claws. Hey, bro, it's shrimpy claws. He's coming in off the trawler and he's got a big bushel of shrimp for you. He's the Boston version. I like this.

He gets all the seafood. Yeah, the tails are still on, bro. You got to work for it. Oh, yeah. Shrimpic claws. You've got to be peeling and eating all the way into the new year. wow you know it's it's kind of crazy shrimpie you take our product and uh and yours put it together we got a holiday gumbo there don't we yeah what i like about you shrimpie clause you commit to having larry bird's wispy mustache there for the boston area but you're right about the

fucking gumbo thing both of them could go down to new orleans that's a movie gumbo clause is definitely down there that one they combine powers, they become gumbo claws and he's solving mysteries in the big easy? They like merge into one being. I like this. And that's, dude, that's how chef Paul Perdone was created. Yes, exactly. Because he's two

people at once. That's right. Yeah, I like that. He's a big fat dynamo. I love that guy. He's dead, right? He's got to be dead. Yeah. So he's like, this is the house. You know, Pesci's like, this is the house I really want because it's got all this crazy shit in it. We've talked about that already. Yeah. But then they noticed,

that there's somebody in there. And they're like, well, and that should be the end of it, I would think. Now it's time to go home. It's, again, like, now you're putting yourself in a position. Like, do I want to kill a child or do I not want to kill a child? And you don't want to, you know? I don't think so. I guess.

But so I, they almost run him over. And one of my favorite lines in any movie is Daniel Sturred saying, Sandy don't visit the funeral home, little buddy, which is just so delightful. Sammy. Sany. Sandy don't visit it. Sausage does. He shows up there all the time. He gets the meat for the sausage. Don't eat it on the 26th.

I'm trying to look up to see if Chef Paul Pradone is passed on. Oh yeah. Let's get a report on that. My stupid iPads are a second shit. I was, you know, the famous I dare I say iconic after shave bit. It doesn't work because like you would have

you would have to have a, maybe he has a small cut in his face. Yeah. It's from Uncle Frank slapping on it. It's... Pulpredone, by the way, died in 2015. Okay, great. The after shave gag is for the parents in the audience.

Yes. And then the one problem with this movie that I'll knock it, they do jokes multiple times. Yes. They do that joke more than once, which is stupid. He should learn from that. I guess it's a thing where it's like you could argue he's trying to be like a big grown up.

Sure. He's going to do that. But yeah, I thought about this last night, too. like, it stings if you have a cut on your face. Other than that, it feels, it's not boiling ass. It would make your face feel hot. You know what I mean? It does give you a little bit of heat.

Yeah, but, yeah. I guarantee you, it was something like, the test audiences love when this kid screams. Yes. They just fucking love it. That's why it's the cover of the fucking movie. Why don't we get another scene of him slapping his face and screaming? Let's just get one more in there.

I guess him with the hands, though, was an accident. Like, he forgot to remove his hands from his face. and scream. Oh, for the poster. No, when he does the scene, he holds it there. In the scene, he holds it. He just like,

is a little kid, so he messed it up. And it became like the most iconic thing in the whole movie magic, baby. That's right. Happy. So that joke is so good. They decided to do it twice. And also the,

the movie, you know, they're playing it for the pizza delivery guy. He also replays it for Daniel Stern. It's just kind of too much to repeat the jokes, in my opinion. Sheepskate. Yes, the, okay, little Nero's comes over.

He does over, yeah, and he, that's what he does the, is it, the first time he doesn't do the firecrackers, but he does do the, the, the gun noise that makes him run away. Pizza delivery guy yelled at me one time for not tipping when I was a little kid. Oh, yeah. My mom gave me, like, just enough money for the thing. We didn't have a ton of cash, but I did it enough where he was just like, you know, you got a tip.

I don't know. I'm fucking nine. What are you on for me? Why are you getting the door? Because that's just how it works, my friend. That's the move when you don't tip. Six percent. Are you serious, kid?

I think you're right, dude. Yeah, he's not going to yell at a lady for that. Exactly. Where's my teeth? I'm going to bite all your little fingers off my tip. You know what? I drop another pizza off at this house and I get no tip. I'm taking two slices off the pie when I leave.

Oh, that's a good deal. That's fair. And then I'm going to get nasty with your mother. That's right. Yeah, I'm Pizza Claus in New York City. How's it going, everybody? Yeah, I'll get there when I fucking get there. Is it the 26th to the 28th is pizza clause?

You'll get it. You'll get you slice. Instead of reindeer's, I got pizza rats, okay? It doesn't always have sauce, okay? Quit breaking my fucking balls. Christmas was on a Saturday. The train was all fucked up. Oh, fuck you, mother, too.

You don't get no slice? Yeah, Pizza Claus. it's every New York City subway station every day. In one day he does the entire gamut and gets everyone their pizza. I wish this shit exists. I know. This sounds great free food. It's wonderful. Regional food, Santa Claus. It's better

than the real guy. It is. Who's definitely real. It's a child listening. Of course. People listen with their families and he's real and so is sausage clause. That's right. So you better be good for both of them. So you get presents and then have a celebratory sausage meal the next day.

Them and the shrimpie man or whatever. Shrimpy clothes. Oh, yeah, I know there's a bunch of good boys and girls out there that love eating shellfish. You got to leave an Narragansson out overnight for Shrimpy Clause. Old style for Sausage Clause. And what would be New York City Clause? A peroni. Yeah.

A peroni and a cigarette butt. Like a half-smoked cigarette. Oh, yeah, it was so good. I love, you know, it's a. Kevin realizes like he's got to, you know, make these dudes think that people are home. I love him devising all the little puppets

and whatnot. It's got the Michael Jordan on a, on a motorized train. This is a lot of work for this kid. It's a ton of work for this kid. Here's a thing, though, like, okay, you're not hot on the second movie, fine. The second movie though, has the better

uncle, he takes the shower clown thing. Oh yeah, it's like a sex doll he has. I think it's a pool. I think it's a pool toy, like a sex doll. Maybe, yeah. Is there a dick coming out of it? I don't know. Maybe. You saw it. I think I've watched it more recently than you. There's no clown penis but like... It's disturbing.

Oh, I know. You get the... Yeah, and you get the audio because he's what... In the second movie, you have that talk boy all over the place. Oh, sure. And he records him going, get out of here, you nosy little perver. I'm going to slap you silly. Perver. Totally. He calls him a nerdy little perver. He's taping him in the shower. So he thinks

that Kevin McAllisker's trying to like take a seat. a peek of dog or ass cheek or something? I think that's what Frank thinks but Kevin is trying to record him singing like an idiot in the shower. Hey John heard your kids are trying to jerk off over me again. Look

kid if you wanted to see my soapy balls you could have just asked. Soapy balls too. Uncle Frank's soapy balls. But this is the rocking around the Christmas tree and they pull up like what the hell? There's a whole fucking Christmas party going on. And again, then you

never come back. You know what? Cut your losses. I think it's only real, like, you know, yeah, they're saying stuff about like maybe there's Jewel's and whatnot. I think it's because Joe Pesci is convinced that money is buried in the walls of this house. Yes. Hey, Ma, if you notice when that guy passes through the window and just turns around,

he just disappears. It's just to be like a thin line all of a sudden. Oh, my God. This is a magical family. We shouldn't be doing this. These are two-dimensional families in there, Bob. Christ. They could take us all on.

Apparently, De Niro. was approached for Harry and he said, really? That would have been bad. That would have been really bad. He would have done it now, though. Yes. Oh, dude, he would love it. You know what?

That new movie could have used Robert De Niro. Fuck it. Have him now. Who cares? Oh, can I... There's an eight-year-old kid home alone and you're laughing? Yes, and I'm tired of thinking that it's not funny. Oh, Catherine O'Hara is shaking down this old lady

at Charles de Gaulle International. This is fucking great. She's got a whole drawer full of them. A dangly one. Bill Irwin fucking rules. He was Justin Chairman of the Board that we covered recently. It's great to see him. And this is, you know, filming in 1989,

he's still young enough that his eyes are open the whole time. Yes. Dude, by the time you get him on that episode of Seinfeld, he is just like squinting into oblivion. Had a goiter, the size of our football. I do. And more fucking plan stuff. She actually convinces them to get their boarding pass or, you know, her boarding pass or whatever the fuck it is.

Get a fucking plane ticket. 500 bucks. And she's throwing money around. Dude, this old lady's shaking her down though. He's like, oh, what's that watch you have there? Oh, and look at all that jewelry on your hands. It's insane. She gets first, she's going to get first class tickets on the Friday and $500, which at the time, I think,

was a million. I just did the math. Yeah, you're right. And then what? Fake Rolex. God knows what. And the dangly ones too. And by the way, at the end of the the, the big joke of the end is that fucking John Hurd gets there

exactly the same time as she does. If she just waited. But fucking McCuller, fucking Buzz's fucking college fund just went for this old lady. Buzz's college fun. That's why he has to become a cop, dude. Yeah, I think we were saving the money for the two girls. Yeah. Maybe Big Pete.

Buzz and Kevin are helpless. Well, you know, community college fund. I mean, these are baby boomer parents. You know, if anything, you know, for history is to be judged, they just would spend everything on themselves. And the kids would get humongous student loans and be saddled with forever debt. Well, that sounds like the way it should be, Eric. Oh, yeah, that sounds great.

I'm not going to, I'm not going to cancel that at all. Oh, I know I said that, but this is America. We say a lot of things. Jesus. Well, man, I just... That's your character. That's good. I just paid mine off now 15 years later, so fuck new joke.

To your point about airport security, so Casson O'Hara is past security. I mean, I guess there is no security at all. She's just hanging out. They're about to board this plane. And the lady's like, oh, here you go. Here's my ticket. Someone who isn't even legally allowed on this plane. It doesn't matter, dude.

Oh, I'm just lily whatever now. Yes, exactly. Just like walk on in. It's a different world, dude. Just like the theme song taught us. I mean, at that point, Hope Davis must have just been pissed off. I cannot keep on listening to this lady. She has to go.

That is fucking redhead. That was news to me last night, that this is Hope Davis playing this French airline intended. She had this in flatliners in the same year. Oh, really? Yeah, totally. She was in flatliners. It must not be that big of her.

I've seen flatliners like kind of recently, but I don't really remember her. We should cover. I mean, I like flatliners, but we should cover. Yeah. So she gets on her. plane, the wet bandits are sort of closing in. They're like, well, maybe, you know, fuck it. I think that this kid is actually home.

He's home. We do say home alone an awful lot. This movie is like, there's like three to four titular lines here. I think, yeah, I must only got like two. I know Pesci definitely has one. Like, he's home alone. Yeah. We'll come back.

And he's like, he's outside the window. We'll come back at nine o'clock. Kevin's like, thanks, Joe Pesci. I love it. In his prep for all this, he does go grocery shopping quickly. Is he flirting with this cashier? I think it's a fun, flirty, like, I saw dad do this at the grocery store. But it's also like, she's asked, I mean, like, she's like, where's your mom?

Where's your dad? Like, she's doing like this. Where do you live? I don't know. Like, he's a latchkey kid. Kids go to grocery stores all the time by themselves. I don't know where you live. In the Bronx, maybe.

I don't know. I'm talking from talking from Burbs in the Burbs. You see a kid wandering around a grocery store pushing a cart by himself. You're asking questions. You're getting a hand grab me. Totally. Yeah, you grabbing that arm. Get over here.

You fuck. If you want to avert all crazy heart incidents. Yeah. You don't want any of those shit scound. You just go down to the grocery store. You get a list and you get packing. Yeah. Well, you know, it's walkable.

That's one thing. I also, he is supposed to be like kind of like being a mom. Like, I have a coupon for that. Yeah. That's the cute part. I love when Marv gets faked out by the fake James Cagney movie and Kevin lights off the firecrackers and the pot and everything. He runs back to the van and he goes, Joe Pesci, he's like, oh, wow, somebody just got blown away. Snakes.

I think he's name is snakes. I don't know no snakes. I love this whole exchange because like Pesci's buying it and he's actually going through like his roll a deck of Chicago lands. scumbags like do I know was snakes was that one guy that like little girls I wasn't snake someone I know might have been shot to death in that the basement there or whatever

but yeah it's still invaded and that's why they're so good because like if you see every other movie that ripped us off like babies day out and whatever else like any pair of bumbling whatever they up the babyness of it here there's again they're not smoking cigarettes and they're not doing

Fargo sex to my knowledge no deleted scene so you had sex with the little fellow there. Yeah, you look like the guy from Goodfellas. There is some chemistry here, whereas they're just do it, like, and babies out, it's just the three stooges. They're literally just do that. With you three, that's it. Like, they don't care about

each other at all. You get some sense that these two care about each other a little bit. She makes Chicago. This is our territory. You understand that, Mov. A 101 Dalmatians previous episode, also did Bumble, and it was so much worse. Yes, exactly. You, Lory, and the other

guy from Harry Potter. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, no, it's, it's, you know, these kind of partnerships come along, you know, only once every so often. I mean, I don't know when we've seen chemistry like this recently, but like, yeah, and I'm sure we have. I'm not saying it's once in a lifetime. But, I mean, for that, it's just, man, it was just a perfect storm of personalities. And they look perfect together, you know what I mean? Because he's like three and a half feet taller than Joe Pesci. Yeah, see, that, right?

if you had like Daniel Roebuck standing up against Joe Pesci, gives a shit. Yeah. Seriously. Fuck that guy. I don't know what he's up to, but fuck him anyway. Now we have the big rockin fucking church scene where we find out the. Oh, God. You got, oh, see that's my granddaughter out there.

Let me everyone go on a date with her? I'm going to try to hook you guys up. It's not only. Yes, me and my son, we got into an argument. I said some things about Q and on and now we just don't talk to me anymore. You know, I said Jimmy Carter can eat a dick. He took that personally. I said some racially insensitive things about his wife and now we don't talk.

I was looking. I had my eyes peeled at the end of this motion picture. When you see that family reunited, I was like, let's get a look at that wife. Was that your problem, old man, Marley? Because what else is like you totally cut off fucking contact with your son entirely? That's weird. is fucking hilarious though like his opening line to kevin is like not the opening line but up top he front loads it with uh you know there's a lot of things going around being said

about me that aren't true you know and i was like dude old man marley you got to immediately be more specific than that i'm thinking like that one meme of like like look at this girl how do you open just like do a post of kevin mccalister how do you open uh oh i'm an urban legend on the neighborhood. I might move into that territory. Just an old man saying there's a lot of things being said about him in the neighborhood. I never said that about

the Jews. I absolutely didn't. I did send my son the protocols of Elders Island every day for a year. Maybe that's what it was, dude. I bet. He was he got Mel Gibson. He was he got, he's drunk in his own subdivision. Yep. They pulled him

over and then he started saying some J-bombs dude. Totally. And he called the Winnettka, Illinois police officer sugar tits. Oh, Mel. Anyway, don't worry. Don't worry. He's going to direct a movie soon.

Old man Marley will direct a movie soon. We don't talk anymore. I do love this performance. Yeah, no, he's good. But like, going to church as a kid on your own time in the middle of the night. I think he's praying for his family back, which is, you know.

Yeah, sure. I don't think of my daughter. Too bad. No refunds from me, the gin. You made your wish. Buyers beware. Yeah. Joe Pesci's going to eat all your fingers.

I'll tell you what. I'm fucking eight years old. The only way you were getting me into a church was with a fucking gun to my head. Or with the promise of going to the diner after Sunday school, which was a lot of the ammo my parents used. So what he's like, he's trying to fear, furiously trying to hook.

hook his granddaughter up with Kevin. Yes. He thinks they're a cute couple. It is a weird though. He's basically saying like... You want to give her kisses? He's... Come on.

There's things being said about you around the neighborhood. I'll tell you that. Really? Yeah. Anything good? No. You don't want to hear it. Well, you know, those are exaggerations.

I think a house lights come on at now. Yeah, totally. But as Eric said, he never goes anywhere. So he'll always be home. That's right. No, it's a weird. He's like, you know, the church is sort of like neutral territory, you see. It's the only time I can see my granddaughter.

I have to sit in the back of the church, of course. It's a hundred yards is the... I have to be on hollow grounds to see my granddaughter. Excuse me. Let me take off this fixed glasses and nose combo here. I come in here and, you know, sanctuary, sanctuary, and no one can bother me. not even sausage clause himself could tear me out of this church

but you know Kevin's like oh it's really silly that you're afraid and we talk about fear a little bit you know it's cute it's nice it's nice it's definitely needed this is the Christmasy shit it's like let's

let's uh you know come together as a community bury the hatchet this movie has heart there's legitimate heart in this movie which is something the new one does not have which is also subsequent

rip off movies like your baby's days out and whatnot. And this is Columbus apparently. It wasn't in the Hughes script. The old man. That checks out because that dude didn't really have much of a heart. Hughes wanted to freeze frame ending. Do you hear this? What with them crow bars up? No, no. He wanted it to end with Kevin McAllister being like

when John Hurd's like, what did you do? What'd you do when we were away? Oh, you know, just hang around. Here's the thing, but if we got that and it was indeed Fat Guy John Candy music? I'm kind of totally fine with that. I mean I think that yeah but Columbus saw that this movie needed a little something

like the jokes are good and that's all Hughes obviously. Yes. But like he needs and you know usually this instinct is something I would go against but I do think it's just on the right side of Sakharin where it's and it's Christmasy enough but the other thing is it's very strategic because

how do you get those like you know the whiny parents into something like this? If it's just a movie where it's like a Dennis the Menace kid without any heart and he's like physically abusing these dudes and whatever you can see a lot of parents nay saying it but you you inject all of that like you know family friendly speak from the heart yada yada all of a sudden all those parents are like oh you know that home alone picture isn't so bad mother you share that you be kind to shovelers you be very kind to those men day day they help us every day also what a nice

thing old man marley does the sidewalk on the whole block That is nice. I mean, I keep doing this. I'll eventually kill my shelf. That'll be great. I think that's what he's trying to do. I got nothing to live for.

Might as well shovel until I drop. He should just eat some of that road salt, dude. He'd be out to 10 minutes. He should fucking run the car in the garage. We'll see what little Scotty thinks when I'm dead. You know, he thought I was so hard to hang out with.

Maybe if I'm dead, he won't think that. Enjoy my funeral, Scotty. that'll teach him and his wife Allison Kleinman I hope the guilt is crippling Scotty but so this is my house

I have to defend it guys totally I love this montage of getting all the fucking traps together it is it is funny like as a kid I felt one way on and now I feel obviously it very differently honestly if you cut out all the slapstick at the end and found some other way to do it I'd be fine

like it's what in the fuck but I was shocked in this rewatch that, like, I thought it was way more of the traps. It's just kind of quick towards the end. It's, it's very funny and there's a lot of great physical comedy here and it's not.

Would you prefer Joe Peschi was like pulling the kids fingernails off with pliers? Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Siriana, I like that. Learned this in Syriana, kid. We've found Kevin McAllister in Syria. We've detained him. Don't worry.

We've got him at a black sight. Well, I was going to say that maybe Kevin McAllister grows up what is in 1990s, 8 he can grow up and work for Leon Panetta I have to bring out in the land You're very good at what you do Throwing pink hands

A terrorist All McAllister's a smart Wait so you said All the traps and stuff Don't work for you at the end of this movie I'm not saying that at all I'm just saying that like of the comedy If I have to rank it

It's on the lower end I get my belly laughs earlier in the movie Wow it is where it is It's what I'm watching it for the brutality two star movie without this now imagine if he like did this in like Islamabad in Osama bin Laden's

compound he's trying to you know Osama's waking up trying to watch porn on his computer and a fucking paint bucket hits him in the head micro machines he doesn't even know what that shit is oh my God I was trying to put on a Seinfeld DVD and like stepped on a bunch of broken Christmas order in my load

I was just trying to get some pornography going yeah because that's what he sounded like right because he was educated in Britain or something I think that's right. All the criminals are. All right. This is Abu Ghrave. This is your house.

You have to defend it. Okay. Do whatever you want here. Here's a bucket of tar. Man, Daniel Stern stepping on that nail. Still to this day. It's the one that's like,

I can't do it. It's like, who ha. That's what's important about it because I firmly believe every good Christmas movie should scar you for life. So this one,

just watching it go in, it's like to this day it's so seamless like it just happens just go fuck you know it's a lot of christmas movies kind of scar you're like i like scrooge just with bill murray that's fucked up it's fucking scary in certain parts yeah that's a movie where they didn't inject that much familial heart no you know parents probably got a problem with that movie oh yeah and i watch christmas vacation i think i'm gonna fall through the attic every day oh yeah every day i'm like i'm doing it i'm just gonna happen i'm thinking i'm gonna be doing the dishes and i look out the window and there's a naked lady

in my pool. Oh, no. Thanks a lot Christmas vacation. Yeah. I mean, all Christmas movies are like this. Like, oh, I just want to watch Silent Night Deadly Night too. And then suddenly I'm afraid to take out the garbage. It's terrified. Christmas Day. Love that.

But yes, the foot is really bad. And of course, Stern sells the fuck out of it. He, I mean, they both sell everything. Yeah. Stern trying to stand. at the base of the stairs that's all ice and his feet are slips sliding through it and he has the like, it's a great

like the feet are going wild and they stop together and then shoot back out to the sides. Oh my God, it's great. Now you know the, we talk about the IMDB trivia section is like, you know, for the saddest people in the world. Yes.

It's, I feel like the goofs section is for the least fun human beings on the planet. Those are subhuman people commenting on that stuff. What is the goofs? It's just, anything that's a nudie error. Oh, really? And or logistical error.

Actually, it would take Kevin much longer than an hour to freeze those steps. Okay, fucking awesome. Get a life. Get a fucking life. All right. Just like putting that out in the world. What do you expect to get back from that? Thank you, movie lawyer.

Thank you. I'm getting my case together for home alone. It just doesn't make any sense. Now, movie lawyer, you seem to believe that all these. little goofs and gavs you found here. It's enough to bring this motion picture Home Alone to trial. It should be in jail, Judge.

It should be in jail. This is our thing. We should start movie lawyer on YouTube. We have a trillion hits. Exactly. Cinema sins eat my dust. Movie lawyers in town. I'll say, I say.

Now the movie lawyer, you want to change your venue because you think you can't get a fair trial for Home Alone in the Great City of Chicago. Yes, I understand that a member of the jury does happen to be the infamous Chicago Sausage Clause. Well, I do believe that John Hood could land Catherine O'Hara. I just deny your whole lot of question in here. This is a fantasy film, is it not?

Catherine Hara, we should say, is on, you know, she gets to Scranton, Pennsylvania. Right. It's Christmas Eve. She can't get anything. She can't even get a fucking rental car or whatever. just to get to Chicago. And there is, like, great, John Candy is just fucking killing it

from moment one. She says, like, he kind of, you watch him as an extra for a second. Yes, she's like, she's doing, like, her great Catherine O'Hara, like, big monologue about it.

I've done all this stuff and blah, I would sell my soul to the devil to get to, but anyone he says, to the devil. You just see like candy the back on, oh gosh.

Like, he just says like, he gets crestfallen for a second. It's hilarious. Because he is the devil. He's like, my ears are burning. He is playing Gus Wollinski. the poca king of the Midwest.

You know his songs. Poka, poca, poca. Like, this is... The polka twists. Candy making all this up, by the way. A lion and that I'm sure or Hara made up too. It just, these are songs?

Like, yes. Yes. I'm fucking favorite. Because she's like totally like... She's so good. Like sleep deprived or whatever. Like she just has a one track by and this guy's barking at it. These are songs? And you can see...

It was amazing. In that moment last night watching it, like the whole airport Port fell away and I was watching them in like a black box theater and imagining you know candy spouts off like six movie or song titles

off the top of his head and her response in the scene is just oh these are songs like you can imagine the theater going crazy laughing at that line you know you're not going to believe me but yeah back in the day weird Al Yankovic open for us other way around there when he was just poking before the parody and came in

I love that he says their big album in the 70s sold 623 copies Big in Sheboygan But they're gonna take They have a big budget rental car A lot of product placement But it's soft product placement

Well except for the Pepsi Oh the Pepsi's bad I mean and the budget rental car The big budget fan They're gonna go They're gonna go to Milwaukee obviously And they're gonna go pass right through Chicago That's right

And I love them in the van Like they're jamming You know playing polka renditions Of like deck the halls or whatever And he's trying to get her to the clarinet like you can just do like pick up a clarinet and play it would you like to suck

on my spit valve face? Exactly it's just like I'm totally and I mean obviously the killer of the candy thing is taking the plot of your movie and making it so much darker and hilarious about you left him alone to funeral home this whole thing is incredible two three weeks later he's talking

again it's fine you know they just they block this stuff out you know kids are resilient like that yeah my last name is actually Dahmer. My little boy, Jeff, we're going to Milwaukee. Don't forget. It's so good. And yes, obviously, Pesci Brids his hand on the thing, the fucking, the gaudiness of the M on the doorknob. I know we'd probably talk to about a little bit earlier. But like, dude, oh, right, Mr. McAllister, fucking back off. They're supposed to be on their mid-30s and they got this gigantic sprawling mansion. Everything's monogical. It's just decade. It's just decade. and awful, and they should have burned the place down. Instead of the wet bandits, they should have been the fire bandits.

Yeah, there's some things around this house that have Jays on them, but not your doorknob. No, definitely not. It is a bit much, a little gauche. But so he burns his hands. After both of them are shot in the, well, Pesci shot in the dick with a BB gun, and then Stern gets it right in the forehead.

Right in the maggot, dude. Right when I get shot in the dick, guess what? Mission's over. I'm going home, get a nice bath going. Don't care about the fine jewelry at that point. Yeah, I'm worried about my own jewelry. The family, Jules, got to nurse these nuts to health. Totally, my bleeding penis.

Yes, my bleeding penis. That would be a great album, dude. Anything with this hand seems out of, just out of bounds. Yep. Doing anything with this hit. He fucking does a rope climb later. I'm like, no, you're dropping. Very true, very true.

I mean, look at that. Your hand is burned. Your nuts have been severed maybe. busted in some regard. I'm done. You're burning the house down before you leave with the kid inside. Oh, sure.

Yeah, yes. You're locking all the doors and boarding up those windows. If you still feel like going on after that, sure. When I'm definitely going home is when an iron falls on my face.

That is time to wrap it up. Maybe start thinking about getting legitimate work. I don't know. See, but then I get the nail through my foot. I'm like, no, I have to keep going. I have to keep doing this. I've lost my mind at that point, a broken real reality.

Your Honor, objection, movie lawyer here, factual error here from the IMDB, the source of all movie information. If both knobs on the door became red hot, the wood on the door would have combusted, ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Well, I, the judge of Hollywood, decree the film home alone be deleted from all platforms. forms on all DVDs, Blu-rays, VHS, and laser discs are burned in this town square. We the jury find the defendant, the home alone

film, to be plot hole. Case dismissed. Chris Columbus, John Hughes, please show up for your hanging. You don't have to, we just ask that you do. Objection, Your Honor, riding in the cargo area of a moving truck.

and the polka musicians would likely suffocate. What? Come on. From the gas alone, you see. A bunch of fat polka musicians farting in there. Playing polka out the butt. She would be vomiting from the smell, Judge. The smell of farts and burps would just make her gas out. Why, well, it smells worse than sausage claws in this truck.

I love that this person was like, well, clearly this rental van would be airtight back there. Now, Judge, are you telling me that John Hurd couldn't find a hotel within my five radius? There is a great exchange when the two of them finally get into the house and they see each other. And Joe Pesci's like, why the hell to take your shoes off? And Daniel Stern's like, why the hell you dress like a chicken? Because he gets sprayed with feathers. We can't talk about probably the funniest thing Joe Pesci's ever done is that face he gets with the fucking blow torch. It's great.

It's a delight. It's not... I think part of that, again, it's trivia. Believe it or not, like, he kept saying fuck. And they were like, just say fridge. Just you have to say fridge. This is a family film. Because he's doing...

I mean, that's more of a... What he winds up doing is a Yosemitee Sam. Root and Raman Garmin, you know what I mean? Like, raven, fraggin. You know what I mean? Like, Daniel Stern gets a shit in, though, which is great. When he, like, he sticks his foot. through the dog door

and his shoe falls off and he goes, oh shit. We had some stepping on ornaments. Oh, that's tough too. That's really brutal. It's,

when you hear them pop and you feel like that powdery glass go into your foot. Because I'd been there, dude. I've stepped on a Christmas ornament or two in my day. It's not fun.

Sucks. Sucks shit. I wasn't burglaring a, burglarizing a house. Sure you weren't. I wish. Yeah. And they want paint cans

descend. And this is where we're, we get the line. Are you guys, do you guys give up? Are you thirsty for more? Yeah, pain pigs dude. He's asking. Turns out they are pain pigs. I squash my nuts. Uh, I want a little kid to squash my nuts. Stuff out of my fucking nuts. Uh, take a mallet to my ass. Now, what is the circumstance? Why did they go to New York to find him? Whereas it's a happy accident. It's been a while. it's a happy accident they're like they i believe they're introduced to that movie like a fucking truck opens the back of it they didn't suffocate and they just kind of like pop out and they've

just broken out of jail i think is the idea and they just cheese it to the big apple i uh there's it was written on trivia that there was a or it was Wikipedia that there was a a version of a script that there's bouncing around where it would be Kevin's kids um Kevin was an adult and he would be home alone. But the wet bandits came back because they still had a grudge against him. That's cool. I like that.

I like that too. They should steal their kids and like raise them to be thieves. That's the little son of a bitch ruined my life. Look at my fucking M hand. Make them as insane as possible. Yes, exactly. In what I prefer in general.

I mean, I like a real blood feud. Yeah. Real blood feud. Totally. And that's when you're burning the house down. Burn that iconic house to the group. Oh yeah. And like mysteriously some of the brothers

and sisters start dying. Exactly. And then he's the only one left and he's like they're ending the bloodline. Oh, dude, slow poisoning of all those kids. That's what it is. Yes. Getting a little like, rat poison on their cheese pizza. Yes. You see like Daniel Stern's working at the school kitchen or something. Totally. See he's a certain McAlliskers roll up. Fish sticks again, Buzz. Rat poison. Daniel Sir Joe Pescher like 87 years. All of Daniel Stern goes up. He's like, why did you have to kill all their kids too? It is what it is. We got to talk about this spider scene.

It's so good. Disgusting. Buzz has like a pet tarantula that like we're told at the beginning of the movie. He just fed a bunch of mouse guts so it'll be okay for a couple weeks. Look, tarantulas is pets. I just can't sanction that buffoonery. Someone will be mad for you saying. I know.

but it's just, I'm a dog guy. I'm not a bug person. I mean, I like spiders, fine, but it, it, it is weird. What do you like spiders? He likes spiders. What I was, when I was like, when I was like, really into spiders. Yeah, you could touch him? You touch them?

Are you touching spiders? Am I always molesting something? It's not molest. Well, depends on what your fingers are doing. I'm not saying molesting, but are you like, you see a spider you want to like hang out with it? Yes, sir. How many times have you seen a Rachnophote? oh bunch

like probably a dozen that's it fucking rewired your brain I love that movie rules it is good but disgusting anyway so at one point Kevin knocks down

buzzes shelving unit which is hilarious and the tarantula gets loose and he's sort of just seen hanging out throughout the house in the movie and like Daniel Stern

is about to grab Kevin and he fucking puts the spider down on his face and this scream that Daniel Stern elicits from inside his own body is incredible. Jamie, the Curtis, eat your heart out. Totally. You just don't got it.

Absolutely. The pitch, it's like, it'll break windows. And it happens like twice. Yes. The initial scream and then there's a standup version of the scream. Yes. Which is really brutal. And then the spider, the tarantula lands on Joe Pesci.

And this is like, it has to be all the brain damage he's already received to think that this is the idea. I'm going to beat this thing off my friend with the crowbar. God damn. I mean, he's very clearly broken with reality at this point. He's like a crazy eyed. He's just yelling. Shh. Be quiet. I just got to break your ribs.

This is the fucking precursor to the casino, dude. Just get to beat with this crowbar like this. I do like that Pesci refused to have the spider put on him at all. So it's like a dummy spider on him. You're not going to fucking do. I feel like a lot of it was Pesci being like, You're not going to fucking do that shit to me, Columbus. Totally. You're lucky your name's Columbus, at least.

Yeah. You've got a heroic family bloodline there. Oh, yeah. That's when the pizza clause comes is on Columbus Day. To honor all the Italians. And he runs upstairs and he does a little like, sort of like, I don't know. An American gladiators, though, zip line kind of. Zipline, there it is.

Yeah, over to his tree house. This tree house, by the way, looks like it's going to, going to fall down if a fucking high breeze comes through. What a rickety piece of shit. You're this rich. You have that bad of a treehouse for your children? I think he built it today. Like the day it happened. He had some extra time. This is

when you see this stuntman do this zipline. This is Rouse Dohara the famous stuntman from our Goodson episode. It's the same guy. No, no, I'm just assuming. It's a silly joke. But yes, it's this enormous guy. It's clearly like a short, but

grown man with like this big red hair wig on. It is hilarious. And this whole thing elicits, I think Daniel Stern's funniest line in the movie. They look at the window and she's like, where did he go? And they're looking around and just goes, I don't know. Maybe he committed suicide. Like you are not getting that line in a 2021 family film. Oh, it would be problematic, dude. There'd be Twitter threads about it. It's so fucking hilarious though, because it's like he's so hopeful that maybe this kid did

if it's suicide? Oh, man, it's great. Objection, Your Honor. There is no way that Kevin could have made the rope taught enough to slide to the treehouse without some kind of winch or pulleys. Ladies and gentlemen, where was the winch and pulleys to make that rope taught enough

for Kevin to zip line from one to the other? Can you see like who submitted this? Is it all the same username? No, it's just all, it's just trivia. Two out of three people found that interesting. How are we supposed to, understand that the pizza deliver man would not know the difference between a movie talking

and a person talking. How are we supposed to believe that? He's a human being. He's heard movies before. I was actually, it's funny you said that because yesterday I was coming out of my apartment, my neighbor's apartment's kind of like catty cordoned in mine. So it's right right next door, at least in the hallway.

And I heard like this like screeching crowd. Oh! And I'm like, oh, somebody's dead. dad just died. And then I'm like, oh, that's a movie. It was like an immediate. I got home alone yesterday, sort of. You should not like, I'm sorry for your love.

You hear the screaming. And they're like, oh my God, oh my God. Next week on Quantico. Wow, what a way to end an episode of Quantico. It's a really huge blood curdling scream. Clifanger. But yeah, he cuts with these hedge clippers. He cuts the rope.

They bounce off. And his ultimate plan is to go into the. next house because now he's had enough fun and call the cops. Obviously, you would want to call the cops a lot earlier than that. Yes. He goes across the street and he does, he puts on a voice. He's like, oh yeah, I'm Phil Murphy. There's burglars in my house. Better get here quick to lure them away. Because Kevin's working, I guess, trying to throw off the detective's timeline. Is that how that's going to work? I think that's right. There's a weird thing. I only noticed this time I was watching the 4K stream on Disney Plus.

So, like, for a lot of this third act, Daniel Stern is, like, barefoot or the character's barefoot. But Daniel Stern's wearing, like, fake Hobbit feet things. And once you know that and you're looking at it in this movie, you can't unsee it. And, like, you're looking at it and, like, his toes

aren't moving. Like, it's clearly just rubber feet sleeves he's got. It's really, really gross. No, yeah, Marve has webbed feet. We decided that in the early stages. They call this affliction mannequin feet, actually. So they finally get him and they put him up on a hook and like, they're like, oh, yeah, we're going to, you know, we're going to do exactly what he did to us.

Like, that's, that's all well and good. We're going to break his, you know, going to smash his face with an iron. And then Joe Pitch is like, I'm going to bite off every one of his little fingers. Yes. You want Marvin to be like, what's that? Hey, let's just real. Can I just see in the other part of the kitchen real quick? See, Harry, we don't torture children.

We're the wet bandits. We steal trinkets and I leave a sink on. I didn't know I was expected to, I don't know how to say this, bite through bone today. Did not know I was going to be doing that. I don't want to watch, I don't want to be party to cannibalism

in any way, shape, apparently though, McCulloch had said that Joe Pesci scarred him by biting his finger in this. That's the thing, dude. I mean, Joe Pesci, man, he's like the little Italian pit bull. Like, he's just going to go.

And I guess, you know, It's like a, what do you call it there, a method actor? But I'd be like, you know, Joe, like, why don't you just go near the kid's finger and we'll call it kind? And then the old man will save the day. Don't put a little kid's finger in your teeth. All right. It's cool. It's like a little peshy mark.

I would love one. Point of pride. It's a little story you got there. Like, all right, you're going to cut away, but you're going to have like a stunt hand come in. There's some blood's gushing out of this kid's hand, right? We're going to do that. Throw a little on my face. You see this, the scar here?

Yeah, the, uh, oh, no guy from Goodfellas did this. Oh, wow. What a way to fucking remember him. The aw, no, guy from Goodfell. Oh, I got that. I got that beat. I got that beat. You see this, uh, this scar on my leg?

Robert De Niro kicked me in the leg because I wasn't walking fast enough on Times Square. He's listening to Donovan. He couldn't help himself. Oh, you see this? You see the way my chin's kind of crooked right here. It's Russell Crow punching me in the face at a detective station. I mean, you know, whatever. Old man Marley comes in, beats both of them in the face with this shovel. How does he know to do this?

I guess he's been watching. Oh, yeah. He's been watching. Oh, I bet he's been watching. A lot of people are saying stuff in the neighborhood, dude. One of them involves peeping. Yeah. It'd be great if he knocks them out. And then he just pulls out and everything. Now you go, you're going home now, Kevin. You don't want to see this. This is not a adults only. I'll take it from here. I'll be turning them into mummies in my salt bath. Just remember, Kevin, when you're cleaning the animal, you don't want to break any of its digestive organs because if the acid gets on the meat, it ruins it. Oh, you're gone? For a lot of people, taxidermy is a hobby, but it's more of a calling for me. So I'm going to haul these boys out.

Dude, is that a horror movie, the taxidermist? That's got it. I mean, House of Wax kind of does it. Sort of, that's what I was kind of thinking, too. But just to straight up, like, Norman Bates taxidermying a person. I would like to see that. That invisible tusk is kind of going around there a little bit. Oh,

he's making a fucking half-man-half walrus. Yeah, it's not really taxidermy. It's walrus derby. He started really disappointed to realize that. Yeah. No, you're right. You're right. You're right.

I might be the only person on the planet that liked that movie. There you go. Still having, still happy. It's fine. It's an acquired taste. It, I think, benefits entirely from the fact that, like, I saw it. at a film festival with a midnight madness crash. They were there.

I think it would be Eric and I watch that together and we're like, no thanks. It was harrowing. I completely understand and agree with. I mean, the reputation is not unlike Mallort. Some people apparently like it. Would you say though

it's better than reboot and that fucking Nazi hot dog movie? I didn't see. Yoga Hoses? I didn't see yoga hosers. That's abysmal. But Tusk is probably one of Kevin Smith's best movies, and that's saying something. Oh, boy. I checked out of Tusk. I was like, I'm good.

Never again. So you saw Red State then? I did. I also didn't like that. I like that one. I thought Red State was fine. I personally, I like mall rats and the funny guys getting up to hijinks and the old clerks. Yeah, these are funny guys getting up to hijinks. Don't you remember that part in chasing Amy where

they put a bag over Jason Lee's head and tie it and then shoot him in the head so all the blood just falls into the bag. That would work. It's a genius move on Michael Parks in that movie. Yeah. So yeah, he hits him in the head. They're knocked out called. Let's go home now. I promise I won't murder you too. Look, I'm only going to eat one of your fingers. No payment for me. I'm not a monster after all. They get arrested. It's the morning now. And this is when he realized he's alone on Christmas morning. The gin has robbed him of Christmas. Oh, no. Be careful what you wish for, Kevin McAllister. You get no fucking presents from me. But in one night's time, sausage claws.

My old buddy sausage claws. Ah, geez, a kid's left home alone. Here, you take a, take two sausages, kid. No, it's not a, no, it's not a toy truck. It's five pounds of veal. Look, you can take some of this kielbasa, you know, you put it in the fridge. You don't even got to cook it. You take it out, take a big honk and bite off it, put it back in the plate. Oh, dude, that was me last Christmas, man. I was my own sausage clause last Christmas, I have to say. You know, after Thanksgiving, fuck all the traditional Christmas foods.

It's got some sausage. Yeah. I would love it. A tube meat for the holidays. Yes. I'll give you a hair, Kevin, give you some blood sausage. No, it doesn't turn you into a vampire. just let me clean up all this mess

from this night and you could just sleep here have a nice night while I sausage claws clean up this house for you Oh the blood sausage made out of all the naughty boys and girls. I like that's right.

I love the shot of like McCauley Culkin looks one way like in the foyer of the house and doesn't see anything and he turns the other way and then they have Catherine Aherr come in and see him it's just it's so fucking awesome And, like, I, I understand the saccharin situation.

I totally accept it in this movie. It is, no, it earns it. It's, it's heartwarming at the end. And there is that moment where he's given her shit, like, he's a little shithead. Yeah, it'd be cool of like a paint can hit her in the face. No, mom, don't go there. No, don't go in the bathroom. That was for leaving me.

Did he clean up all this shit or not? That's, it looks like he did. Not Buzz's bedroom. No, not there. No, no, that's, but like, everything else. I mean, it must be a disaster in that place. Oh, yeah. And it looks fine when she walks in.

She apologizes, he runs for the big hug. And then she's like, oh, nobody else could make it. And wouldn't you know, Christmas miracle? And also, Catherine O'Hara wasted $2,000 and 72 hours doing nothing. We're going to have to scrap the pool plan. That's just going to have to go now. Oh, my God, you're refunding a pool. Putting out a pool in Chicago.

What a waste of fun. fucking time. Enjoyed that for 30 days. 30 days of pool, dude. Look, July 2nd to August 1st is a hell of a time. Just sitting by the pool eating sausage left and right. Unfreezing all your Christmas sausage clause sausage. As you know, the snow starts on August 3rd.

I believe it does. At least it used to. I don't know if it's that way anymore. So the family comes back and they're like, oh, we don't even have any groceries. and Kevin's just like, well, I bought, I went to the store, I went shopping, I got eggs, milk, and fabric softener. It's cute. And you know, I saw that thing of milk you bought kid, not for the fucking seven people in this family. No, sir.

Right. You need 11 gallons a week. Whatever fucking insane shit, the media is telling us now. Jesus, that's something. The inflation on eggs these days, folks. Oh, my God. What am I going to do? I'm in over easy

my head I was trying to find something. It was fourth and gold dude you couldn't push it into the end zone unfortunately. No, no. I frittataed that one. John Hurd gives,

I mean, she has this great moment. Again, Catherine Ho is amazing to me. Great moment hugging him. And like you really feel like, oh, that emotional bond. John Hurd just gives him like a stern handshane. Well, hello there, son.

Yeah, it's kind of weird. I mean, he gives him a hug. I mean, I'm not, I'm not underselling it. But it's, there's no. love here. That's how fathers are, right? Wait, wait, right?

Look, there's five of them. There's only so much love a human heart can get. I'm sorry. That's very true. Well, Kevin, I heard you almost killed two people. Put it here. That's the thing I was realizing, both with this movie and then I think into by the end of the second movie

what I think is kind of a great notion, the parents, the family never find out what he did. Yeah. Like, The second movie doesn't start with like, boy, Kevin, when we get to New York or wherever we're going, Florida in the second one, I sure hope you don't foil any burglars down there. They're like, they never find out about it, which is so strange. Weird as hell.

Right? I guess he does it. He makes it so it's the Murphy's house thing caught in. Yep. So he doesn't even have to go to trial. Old man Marley wipes everything under the. Exactly. Dies with him.

Don't worry, Kevin. Your secret is safe with me. Thank you for helping me patch things up with my. son and his wife. You can't even call her that. Still can't stand that peanut farm, son of a bitch. You really think it was a split over

Jimmy Carter, huh? I'm a Reagan, man. I love the man. Did you remember the gas lines, Kevin? They went around the block. I like the idea of, Christ's like confidence, my ass. Possibly Harry and Marv waking up on a table

covered in saran wrap, screaming. Shouldn't have robbed all those houses. Hello, wet bandits. We're going to get a little salty today. Do you think if you put

the two wet bandits in like the bathroom from Saw, like that situation? Sure. What do we doing? Joe Pesci is killing Daniel Stern immediately. Yeah. That's kind of the only solution, right? And using parts of his body to get himself free. It would also be the

best saw movie because it would actually have any ounce of humor or self referential awareness. Good cast. Yes, absolutely. A good cast would be something. Oh, disgustingly, John heard picking that fucking gold tooth, Joe Pache's gold tooth off the floor.

There'd be blood on it. They would definitely. Because it came out of his fucking mouth. Yep, absolutely. My tooth. My tooth. My gold tooth. I'm going to kill him. And it's just like, oh, what's this? Oh, more for the fucking coin vault up on the hill because I'm like Scrooge McDone.

all this vast fortune he just blinks it on the top how did you get out of the vault he's in a collection of gold tea oh yeah yeah some stolen paintings too I know how you got to fucking Chicago

McAllister yeah real name Kristallna I don't realize I called me Zventa wolf but now I go by Peter McAllister and so old man

Marley makes up with his family. He gives them a nice nice wave. Yeah, it's sweet. But you do get your John Hughes like, hey, got to end up a fucking joke over here. Oh, yeah, absolutely. You do, you do, you do. You do. And that's Kevin, what'd you do to my rum? My rum. He does say Rome, doesn't he? He's got a big old, my rum. Yeah, he does buzz. What, you know, but, like, what is that? What is like, because Buzz Aldrin is, uh, what's his actual first name is, um, Eustace.

It's something Busby No, it's something That's not Shortened to Buzz He's like Something Buzz Aldrin He's Eugene

Aldrin There it is Eugene I just don't know How does a kid In 1989 You get Buzz Well I mean

Buzzby would Do you never get The actual name I think it's just the haircut I think I know this episode's long enough Look at Wikipedia

Buzz Aldrin born, you know, 1930, yada, status retired. Other names. Dr. Rendezvous. I don't know what that is. That was having sex with process. That was my fuck name. All of us astronauts at it.

Yeah, you know, back then, you didn't know if you were going to make a career as being an astronaut. So you had a career on the side, you know, in the fuck films. Dr. Rendezvous. Dr. Rendezvous. I love that.

It's sexy. I'm going to look into that. That's for next episode, though. But that is the end of Home Alone from 1990, of course, directed by Chris Columbus. Would we recommend? Obviously, we love movies. We'd recommend it, whatever.

Any final thoughts about the home alone? It's a really great holiday classic. You watch it around the holidays. And it's good enough. Like, if you're in a bad Christmas situation, you've got a lot of people, it hits all the marks for everyone. And literally fun for the whole fucking family.

Everyone shuts up for an hour and 40 minutes. and you don't want to kill yourself? It's not a bad situation. Absolutely. I think this is a great example of a kid's movie. Right. It's just this is what it's supposed to be. None of the adult jokes go into the fucking territory so easily.

They're not just stepping in there. They're a little more violent. They're just not great, but whatever. At least that's cartoonish. That's what kids like. This, you know, Columbus has kind of dropped the ball. Like, I think he's actually better at kids movies. Yeah.

And I was kind of surprised. Like attending them? Well, yes. I was kind of surprised he was, his Harry Potter sucks so much because I was like, this should be a knockout of the park. But yeah, they're not very good.

But yeah, I'm very, I came back to this movie. I really liked it. There you go. You know, I agree. I think it's a good movie.

I think the, it's one of the rare examples of a Christmas movie and a children's movie without being completely like having a drill put through my head. You know, so I think it's enjoyable. I like a lot of the comedy here. I had a good time revisiting it. I feel like if they have to continue

this like Home Alone franchise with like, I don't know, after this new one, hopefully not. Could it stop me that they don't? But continue? Well, here's the thing. I would like the continuation to maybe take a side road, you know,

and next Christmas, just in time for Christmas 2020, sausage claws the motion picture. Oh, I would love that. You know, you could still have a Chicago-centered Christmas film everybody likes eating sausage kids

grampies Paul Walter Hauser is sausage Claus Oh there we go That's a movie That's a movie Ladies and gentlemen

But that is going to do it For our conversation On Home Alone Of course If you want more We Love Movies action Head over to our Patreon Where we have a full-length

episode up WLM patrons only Ridley Scott's Alien Oh yeah Roten rid We've also got You heard a little bit of that impression. We've got a full-length,

sinkable commentary to American movie coming out this month. That's super exciting. Really funny movie. A great movie and a funny commentary. Absolutely. Got a new Melro coming up, coming down the line here. No Christmas shenanigans there,

unfortunately, just a regular old Melro. It's like so bad race stuff. It's a wild app. Not great. Not great. Not great. Dicey shit on that. And of course, this month, because it's special shit,

on Patreon. We have animation damnation extra, extra large episode on Toy Story. We have a big banger episode of the Nexus, which we're generally covering TOS and TNG. But Eric, what are we doing this month instead? Star Trek Generations.

The episode's like two hours and 20 minutes. It's a lot of fun. We recorded it back in July, so it's very punchy. I like that. And I mean, we've also at the end of this month, actually it's probably in the beginning of next month. We're going to start recapping the Book of Boba that's right on uh as the podcast of bobafet great art for margaret good friend philippe subrero

but it's i mean you get all that for ten fucking dollars yep there it is it's it's the best deal in podcasting folks there it is uh and of course on this feed i think we got is it just one more one more we love movies and man steve where are we what territory are reventuring in next week we're taking i think it's the is it the red one that's the good one or which one's the bad pill the well the red one opens your eyes yeah you'll what we want. We're taking the red pill folks with the Matrix. That's right. I just rewatched it this afternoon.

Fucking slaps. You're not singing Dracula? I forgot that Dracula was in it when I was rewatching. It was like, ooh, it's the first song. It fucking rules. Although I wish to figure out what tune Keanu is listening to in his headphones when we first are introduced to him.

It sounded kind of cool. It might be a doesn't matter. Figure it out after. But that's going to do it next week. We're talking about the Matrix. Great fucking movie there as well. So until then, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Eric Siskin. Chris Gavin.

Take it easy.