We Hate Movies - S12 Ep595: C.H.U.D. (Live in Brooklyn)

Episode Date: February 22, 2022

On this week's episode, the gang is live from the Bell House in Brooklyn as they celebrate a decade on the air (one year late) by talking about Douglas Cheek's C.H.U.D.! This scuzzy NYC cult classic was a staple in the early days of WHM movie hangs, so it was only appropriate the guys (at least attempt) to chat about the film live on stage! This show featured the first live edition of The VHS Trailer Game, a gross-out gag involving canned food, and a special appearance by none other than friend of the show, Ben Worcester!  C.H.U.D. stars Daniel Stern, John Heard, Christopher Curry, Kim Griest, J.C. Quinn, and Ruth Maleczech; directed by Douglas Cheek. Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Beneath the city of New York are living catacombs, an endless maze of subterranean tunnels, unfit for anything human. Unauthorized for anything experimental. Hold it! Let's stop moving up ahead and the top! And unlikely to bring anyone down there. So... They're coming up. Chut! Shut!

Shut! Check your basement and your bathroom. Keep off the street. and try to hide. But remember, the dark is their place. The night is their time. And tomorrow, the only things living in the city of New York will be Chud. Chud.

Catapalistic, humanoid, underground dwellers. Chud. They're not staying down there. not staying down there anymore. Many years since I was here On the street, I was passing my time away Took good effort to drive, Builders tower into the sky

It's out of sight In a dead of night Oh, here I am getting to stay With a festival in dollars I want to see that I'm going to have a lot. I'm back. I want to get it. Oh.

Now it's just like a regular episode. Shit, look at that. We got the chairs from the studio, too, right here. No, these are not. Look at that. Brooklyn, what is happening? Hello, everybody. At the end of that trailer, it said,

tomorrow everyone's going to be a chud or something. So is everybody a chud? Good luck. Well, that's why I like playing the bell house. We're near the guanis. You can just dive right in and become a chut. It's chute. Face first, man.

No questions asked. They will make you a chud down there. You guys really just got to steer clear to go on us or your eyes will start to glow. Let me ask you this, folks. How many of y'all are familiar with the show we run on the intranet? That's good. Right on, right on.

This is weird, right? This is the conclusion of what we were able to do for our 2021 tour. But this is also technically our 10th anniversary celebration. So we are so stoked to see you all this evening. Thanks for coming out. Thank you especially for doing your part to save fucking society and getting vaccinated.

Pretty great. Seems pretty easy to do. Glad you all did it. Excellent. Well, I could be a piece of shit in other ways, though, right? Is that cool? Oh, yeah. No, it's totally.

fine, just don't kill me with your fucking cough. Yeah, like, be bad to my family, bad to people that I like. Absolutely bad at work. Bad at work. Definitely bad to the audience tonight. Oh, yeah. We're creating all new ways to be assholes. Every day.

Oh, man. Yeah. So really quickly, I guess, if you, this is going to be weird, because it's such a, it's a big anniversary show. So anyone seeing us for the first time. Wow. A lot of people. Well, thank you for coming out then.

Dang. And also, what is the other thing I wanted to ask? Oh, yeah. So, you know, 10 years, long time, 11 years. Eleven, yeah. How many people are circumcised in the audience? All right. Excellent.

Yeah, Steve, uh, counting heads here. Good place to start, for sure. What is this, my search is three? I was just curious if anyone in the room this evening has been with us the whole time. A couple of folks, right on. All right now, who's been with us the whole time who is also uncut?

They're shy. Important to note that the doors to this venue are locked at this point, so you are in it for the long haul, I'm afraid. Before we get too far ahead, though, I would like to play really quickly. It's the VHS trailer game! This is fucking bullshit.

America's favorite game about obsolete materials performed live for the very first time right here at the Bell House in Brooklyn. You know, I knew you were going to pull this fucking bullshit, dude. I'm not doing it. Yeah, I'm not into this. You're fucking sandbagging us. You guys aren't ready to make history?

No, no, we're not. No. Are any of you who wants to play the beat? THS trailer game in the place of the three of us. Hands up. We are going to select a few people from the audience to be sure it's for us.

I'm going to go down and grab a loner near the bathroom. So yeah, he... These three creeps are going to go into the audience and find proxies. Is that the idea we're going to get proxies? Yeah, let's see. Do a proxy war? I like that. So just to be clear, you don't need to do anything

for these guys to get the microphone, okay? I just want to be clear. Especially Chris Cabin. He's going to offer some weird shit. You don't need to do anything for him. Oh, look at this. We've got our first. We've got two more people coming.

I picked a guy with glasses to game the system. What's your name? Darren. Darren, welcome to the VHS Trailer game. We've got somebody else. Hold on. Two more people are coming. We got Darren. Nice to meet you. All right, here we go. Mine's coming up here. Sir, what's your name? Adam.

Welcome to the VHS Trail game. Apologies. In advance, have a seat. Ooh, we're going to sit down. I like this. Of course they're going to sit down. I want to stand in the back and drink my beer quietly. I hate this shit.

Oh, my God. So we've got Darren, Rose, and Adam. Now, for those of you who are to initiate the VHS trailer game takes a long time and it's really unfun. So I'm sorry about that. No, so what we usually do is I will

buy a VHS and watch the trailers and make little fun clues out of them. So you have to do all this now? No, no, no. Does anyone have a VHS? Is it safe to say you have one of the saddest eBay buyer histories?

It gets weirder than that. So, unfortunately, Chud did not have any trailers on it. Surprising. So what I did is that I went on YouTube and I found this is going to be important for you folks. I found trailer packages from various movies we've done

live episodes. So what I'm going to do for you is let you know what the trailer package is from. It's from this movie from this year. That'll give you an idea of what it is. And the first, it's going to go in point order 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. The game master's

is worth 5 points then down. Darren is it? Darren? I'm in the lead right now, so don't fuck this up for me. Yeah, we should say, this This counts. You are playing for us in the real standings on the show.

So, yeah, the H is O, my friend. The H is O. Because I'm sucking shit right now, by the way. Five points, game master school. Four points, trivia, trivia. Three points. I'm going to give you the tagline of the movie. Two points will be the second star of the movie.

And for one point, it'll be one star. If you guess incorrectly, you are out of that round, but you can come back to the next one. The way we're going to guess, we're going to raise our hand like we're in school, folks. It's going to be really visually interesting for everyone. Steve finally gets to play teacher. He's been wanting to do it for years.

I forgot my buzzer that made the boners sound there. So, you know, sorry. Everybody, are you folks clear on that? Does that seem clear? All right, all right. So give them the microphone so they can, you know, buzz it. Oh, do I have to? Mm-hmm.

Okay. Here we go. Here we go. So, the first movie is Predator 2 from 1991. you won. Game Master's Clue. This high-adrenaline actioner combined extreme sports and crime. And it co-stars a star of predator to Adam. Adam is in the back?

Point break. That is point break. Yeah. Andrew Jupin is on the board for five points. Andrew, you want to take a victory lap? You have anything to say for Adam? He's doing it. He's doing a break. Okay. All right. And yeah, by the way, no price is writing. If people don't get it, don't call out. Don't be like three, three.

So number two, cliffhanger from the year of 1993. Okay. A meddling kid tries desperately to get his dad laid. If there was a rom-com Mount Rushmore, this would be on it. A 1993, a meddling kid tries desperately to get his dad laid If there was a Mount Rushmore of rom-coms This would be on it

Ooh, all right Adam, what are you gonna do? Man of the house You're out of the round, Adam, fuck you. No, actually you're right now you're gonna do you. No, you're up on points. You're a nice guy for coming up on stage. Okay, so We're gonna go under the Tribune trivia

which may help or may not. We'll find out. Probably not. Despite being the romantic leads, Sam and Annie never kiss. Don't raise our hands. These three people can raise their hands. Okay.

We are moving on, anybody? Ninety-three. Meddling kid trying to get his dad laid. Sam and Annie don't kiss, but the romantic leads. Mount Rushmore. My name's Steve, that's Eric. It's not so easy, huh? Yeah, okay.

All right. I love it. Okay. I'm yelling in my car right now. What's wrong with you? Tagline, what of someone you never met? Someone you never saw. Someone you never even knew

was the someone for you. Okay You somehow made it worse Come on stage and say that asshole No Uh uh Boiling blood out All right here we go

Start number two This is it Get ready to raise your hands Because I think the start number two Will help Meg Ryan Oh god Not you've got

Rose No it is unfortunately Rose It is not You got mail Tom Tom Hanks is star number one Sir Darren

Darren, Darren, oh my God, the crowd is turned on, Darren! Okay, the answer was Sleepless in Seattle. Sleepless in Seattle. Rose was very close. You got the year wrong, that's totally fine, Rose.

Everyone's having a good time. Wait a second. So, I forget the deal. Who has to win in order for you to watch nothing but trouble? Chris Cabin, if he wins, I will watch We'll do an episode of Nothing With Trouble. Can I say points to Chris Cabin? No, you cannot.

Oh, come on. No, zero points. But I want you to throw up on the air. There's a long, there's a lot of time left for that to happen. All right. All right, the final round. Don't worry. Me and Steve all figured it out already.

Don't worry about it. I knew it was rigged from the very beginning. Okay. If I went Darren Zabruder film episode or commentary which might be too short, maybe we'll just do JFK as WLM or something. Just because I feel bad,

let's get a round of applause for everybody that is on stage right now. It's very brave to do this. It's very brave to do this. You don't fucking have the guts. Okay, here we go. Last round. Everyone.

From our live episode in Gone in 62nd, the years 2000. Put on your orange-tinted sunglasses for this. This, oh, sorry, Game Master's Clue. This woefully misconceived film tried to make an infamous day in American history into a sexy action epic. Infamous day. Sexy action epic.

Year 2000, it's woefully, it's a bad idea to make this a movie. Someone's going to turn... Adam. Pearl Harbor? It is Pearl Harbor for five big points. Oh, my God. Thank you all. Should I do the bonus round?

We got a little bonus thing. This is a bonus. It doesn't even have... It's not even from a VHS thing. It's just a clue that I made up. There's no other things. Bonus. Game Master's Clue for five big points.

A disrespectful biography of a comedian's tragic death has him watching his last day's play out in the Scrooge style. This was the first lost episode of WHM, Adam? Wired? It is Wired for five boys. Yeah, it's the trivia. Thank you all for play.

I'm sorry for what I did. Do not be apologetic. Oh, it's okay. Thank you very much. Thank you, Darren. Thank you. Oh, no, no. Thank you, Rose.

Oh, right, yes. We have the little prizes. Stay here. Stay here. It's too kind. Chud. Rose will get's Toy Soldiers. And you, my friend, Darren, get the Avengers.

Thank you, guys. Which is punishment enough. Thank you, Darren. Thank you, Derek. Thank you, Rose. Thank you, Adam. Thank you, guys. Oh, yeah.

I should have known picking a guy near the bathroom would have gone flush. All right, good night. It was a good show, everybody. No, no, no, we're just getting started. No, we're just getting started. Just did something a little exciting. It's the anniversary show.

It's very exciting. Now, Chud, where to begin with a film titled Chud? In the middle of a barren New York street that nobody's on somehow. But a lady emerges, who we come to find later, is Flora Bosch. And I want to ask, where's her sister Fauna? Wow.

That's what you wanted to add. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm glad the show's going great. You know, this is your sort of cold open that shouldn't mean anything to the movie, but it actually means a ton to the movie. This is like one of the main characters, it's his wife just getting murdered.

Bosch's wife, which it could have just been a random lady and it would have been fine. Yeah, it could have. But you know what, now it's Mrs. Bosch. Also, a little bit of trivia here, played by Daniel Stern's real life wife. Oh, really? Yeah, about that shit

The audience is aghast Why? Because you shocked Daniel Stern tied the knot He's been off the market since 1980 Wait, they're still together? Yeah, totally Awesome At least as far as the recording

of the Chud commentary in 2004 Hey, hey honey Yeah, I was talking to Douglas earlier today What do you think about becoming a murder victim? On screen, on screen, sorry, sorry, on screen Yeah, not like my last wife So just go down this staircase, you see. It's a 10-part documentary series

about how Daniel Stern didn't kill his wife. Poor Bedelia Stern. I love it. Yeah, so she just walked with this dog. It's in the middle of the night at Soho. Great old New York photography. Just the most disgusting the town's ever been. A 1983 Crosby Street, look out. I like that the title sequence was just a street sweeper

for like five solid minutes. You know, I was totally stunned by this street sweeper. Like, we're making this movie in 1983. You get a look at this street sweeper. May as well be a 2021 shot. That technology has not evolved whatsoever. What a useless garbage piece of equipment that is.

Just moving shit around the street. You kind of get sprayed with shit sometimes. Absolutely unnecessary. I do love, like, I don't know, man. If it's 1983, I'm a woman, I'm walking my dog. It seems like it's well after midnight on Crosby Street in Soho. I would be like, if I saw a chud, I'd be fucking relieved. Honestly, I'm like, oh, thank God, it's just a chud.

Oh, I thought it was in real trouble. Oh, my God. Oh, I thought it was a vicious street gang. Thankfully, it's just this monster coming up from the sewer. Who also happens to kill me? Yeah, that's sad. The bummer is the dog gets pulled down into the whole mess. That's cool.

Bite-sized old guy. Well, the dog is not eaten by these chuds. The chuds don't like... What? Chud has absolutely no interest in that house. You know why? Because it's cannibalistic, you see. Yeah, that's it.

Yeah, I'd eat you, but, you know, the cannibal part. If only they were comable-bolicistic, and then you could just, like, jack off at them to get rid of them, or... I guess they would leave droppings and they'd follow you home, like a trail of breadcuffs. Yes, Eric. Correct.

I don't know, man. I don't know. We played a lot of shows this year. I'm tired. I kind of feel like the chud genitalia, if I can. The chuditalia, please. I mean, you see these things. They're big, like, you know, monster-looking fuckers

with glowy eyes. I just feel like it's all just a mush down there. There's nothing, like, man, lady, or otherwise, it's just a mush down there. This is interesting because you don't know what would stimulate it. So you kind of just, like, try every butt. Yeah, you're right, Eric. what turns a chud on?

Some of the age-old questions. Chud's attacking you. Maybe the only way to out of it is to seduce it. I can see the pitch to Cosmopolitan already. How to turn on your chud. 50 mouth-watering tips how to get your chud going.

Maybe wear a nice little outfit for him. Or them. Take out a sword and make your chud's neck really long. Dude, there are certain movies that you're like, oh yeah, there's a sword in this movie, that's fine. And there's other movies like this where a sword appears, and you're like, there probably shouldn't be a sword in this movie.

Well, like, she, like, we meet John Hurd and his girlfriend, Kim Greased. Yeah, Brazil's own. Brazil's own. The movie, she's not from there. And Manhunter. And Manhattan, totally. And so, like, we were, like, introduced our apartment. They just moved, you know.

You know what I mean? She's even upset. She's like, oh, you didn't bring my jewelry up. You brought up your camera shit. But what he also really brought up was his dad's sword collection. Because it's not just one sword. There's like four or five swords.

Yeah, totally. It's a real fucking forged-in-fire weirdo we have on our hands here. A real lunatic. John heard having swords sets off all the alarms. Because he doesn't have long hair. It doesn't look like he's into making them. He just has them.

Which means he's trying to use them. Mm-hmm. he's also got this, which I think has never looked good and people in the audience could agree or disagree, the cut-off t-shirt sweater thing you have to be bin fucking diesel to pull that shit off.

But if you're in the privacy of your own home, it's a little cozy. Yeah? I don't know. I don't have one, but I might want one. You could make one like John Hurd's character does in this movie. John Hurd has the physique of an office manager. I mean, I don't know.

You should be a little more cut. for this. Yes. Did he use the swords to cut the sleeves off? Oh, that's... Now, I don't have any scissors in the house. I just use the sword. Think it to you, Dad. Think it to you. What if he comes from a long line of Highlander, motherfuckers?

You have to have a sword in the house at all times if you're a Highlander. It is New York City. That's where they all congregate. That's right for the gathering. I've got to visit my grandson. It's me Ramirez. I can't believe we have to run around New York City fighting Chads.

What does it stand for? Why would you make a monster's name an acronym? Look, honey, I had to bring the swords up. There could be a quickening at any moment. I just have to be ready to go, like that. You have to leave her, Highlander. Leave her to the chuds. And the people say, I'm weird.

We're the chuds of the universe. You know, here's the thing. Great point. You know, as much as I love, love this movie, and I do. This is at least an Andrew Juven WLM appearance. Someone just like held back vomit. Did you hear that?

Just over here, someone went, wh-uh. Here's the thing, though. Infinitely better motion picture somehow, I guess, you'd have to trick Queen in doing the songs. That it would work out. They did the music in Highlander, by the way.

That was a mention there. He's dead now, though, right? Yeah. Highlander? Had he moved on in 84? Freddie Mercury was still alive. So there you go.

Oh, okay, yeah. No, that's in that movie. I thought even now. I thought you wanted to do a Chud thing now. No, no, no, no. Chud should never be remade. Let it live on in the amber like it does.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Casablanca, Chud. Yeah, totally. Wasn't it that in that Freddie Mercury biopic? Where he's like, I'm not doing the music for Chud. I should,

I will refuse to do the music for Chud. I'm not doing the music for Chud. Also, by the way, If I'm on news, I have AIDS. Because that is the delivery in that movie. That's not me making a joke. They're all dead silent.

He just goes, I have AIDS. And then somehow, motherfucker won an Academy Award. We could win some Oscars. Tonight, maybe. You never know. Best appearance by four fucking weirdos at a music club in Brooklyn.

Sounds good. Keep your child alive, boys. Keep your child alive. So he used to be a high profile, fashion photographer John Hurd was but now he's trying to be like an investigative journalist I guess is the idea and he's being really

fucking self-righteous about it isn't he's just like oh yeah I had it all I had the girls I had the booze I had the coke and I'm giving it all up to change the world yeah I'm legitimately concerned about that I don't buy it for a fucking second this character he's just an asshole that got fired and now he goes down

to the sewers and when he finally does go down there I love like the grandeur of the sewers and like, we get like the beautiful high ceilings down there. Yeah, it is. Well, that's what the Ninja Trittles move down there, dude. There's a lot of room. I think now, like, college graduates trying to move to the city, you know,

they're like meeting up with a real estate agent, and they're like, is this the sewer? And then, like, they get some spin about why it's great. And then they just live down there. Give it 15 years. That's what living spent. They're going to start putting apartments in the subway, I guarantee it. It's South Soho, you know, under the street.

Dude sub-ho. Yeah. It's gonna be so terrible like fucking Crang is going to have to do alternate side parking for the Technodrome. Shredder, I forgot to move the Technodrome.

It's Wednesday after 11.30 and I got a ticket. We're getting tickets every day, Shredder. Get your warthog to move the fucking car. Get your wardhog. That's what he was, right? B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B. I do like the idea

that Krang doesn't know, nor care what that fucking... You know what, tell that fucking Wardhawk to move the car. Also, too, you're definitely not giving a rhinoceros or driver's license. No, for sure, not. A Warnhawk could kind of get away with it. They're all kind of chuds. Even the Ninja Turtles, right? Exposed to this...

Ninja turtles? Definitely chuds. They're just a family-friendly chud. It's the same thing. I was curious if, like, the turtles ran into the goop that makes the chuds, would they mutate again? Like double mutate? Oh, shit, dude. Oh, no, bro. Now I just have cancer.

This is not radical nor gnarly. You're melting and so am I. Party on, Leo. Your teeth are falling out of your mouth, bro. This is sucks. Hey, Donatello, why are you trying to eat other turtles? What's your problem, man? Yeah, dude.

that should be something, right? If you wanted to make like a real deal like adults only Ninja Turtle comic and it's like one of the things Shredder like gets them at one point they're all tied up and he makes them eat turtle soup

yeah ooh fuck and then one of them gets hooked on it yeah and then he like tickles their feet or something well yeah you said adults only I'm like hello yeah I want to insane tab

there was chud porn wouldn't you at least take a peek yeah sure Let's say you're going in for one of your famous sessions or something, and you have... Famous sessions. You go on the website there, and it's just like two chuds, one cup, I don't know.

I don't know. Two chuds? How about this, dude? Because they live in the sewer, and you can make a nice, like, play on words title here. Probably sell a bunch of units. Two chuds, one manhole. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

No? If you wouldn't buy two chuds, one manhole, guess what? You definitely would. They would only make 35 sequels to that one. And the still image is that manhole agape. I just want to be really clear when Eric, because, you know, we release these for audio later, when Eric said one of your famous sessions,

he patted me on the shoulder. I don't want to be clear to the viewing audience. I do not have famous sessions. They're very regular. They're incredibly normal. Just average ones. Oh, my God. He admitted it.

Well, Siska played the long game on that one. He got me. He fucking fell for that. We all have our famous session. Yeah. The podcaster doth protest too much, I think, Stephen. Incredibly normal. I would watch the video.

So he, John, you're right, though. John Hurd should just wake up laughing because he's married to a 1983, or dating a 1983, Kim Grease. But he's giving her shit in this movie. She's like, hey man,

do you want to make like a million dollars and shoot me naked? He's like, no, you bitch. And I'm like, what? It's totally insane. Like, she's like, hey man, this was the grift that we decided to set up. We think, like, you know, ads for Chanel or whatever, a total bullshit. But we will take those fools money.

This is what we decided on. He's like, but now I'm deciding to change the world. And by doing that, I'm just going to photograph homeless people outside my own window. But in this case, he's not even doing that. He just wants to sit there and be a lazy shit. It's not like, oh, honey, no, I can't do this, my thing. I have to go downstairs. I'd have to be with the people or anything.

You know, Matt locks on? Well, yeah, because this guy, there's other guy is like, where's my fucking pictures? And he's like, fuck you, Derek. Oh, yeah, this dude, Derek, which, like, I feel like they thought this was funnier than it was, this through line for the first half of the movie

of this guy, like, calling John Hurd because he's laid on a photo deadline or something. And it's like, a lot of, like, calling, or a screening your calls joke on the answering machine. Nah. None of this plays. It was brand new.

It was cool at the time. You know what's cool is when John Heard uses a beeper to, like, beep into his phone and get the messages. I was blown away by that. I had to pause the Blu-ray. What the fuck did he just do? The beeper talked to the phone.

Unbelievable. Yeah, as long as like war games or something. What is this crazy phone tech hack? We never had that nice of an answering machine of my house. I mean, I think this interest in photographing the homeless is really, John Hurd's way of saying, I would like to be homeless.

Because he goes to this job and it's just like, Fuck you, fuck this whole thing. Who gives a shit about this, huh? This is probably why he got fired to begin with. He pulled out a sword one day and said, Don't photograph her naked. It's like, you just met this lady, dude. I'm just going to help you with your trim here.

Yeah, because he's just like, oh, yeah, this perfume probably smells like shit. And the guy's like, what? They know it. They know it smells like shit. It's all a big, it's one of those, like, he is taking a stand on a thing where it's like, do take the $9,000?

you're getting for this, and just leave. Yeah, please. Enjoy yourself. You catch who's in the background of that photo sash? I did not. Home Improvement Zone, Patricia Richardson. Wow.

Yeah. Coming out guns blazing with the Chud Traby tonight, ladies and gentlemen. I will say it's because I watched this movie last night, I watched it again, and then I watched it with the commentary

on real full, rich life, Eelida. That's commitment, man. I watched it barely once. I mean, he literally does, like, take his check and leave. He literally leaves. He's like, I got to go. I got to go bail out a homeless woman that I know.

Yeah, because this homeless woman that was supposed to be part of the article calls him. She has been arrested. And we meet Captain Bosch here. Fuck yes. Yes. Christopher Curry, as Captain Bosch, this dude fucking rules.

He totally rules. He's one of my favorite police captains of all time. Perfect mustache. beautifully bald in all the places he needs to be. Wait, all the places? Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, it was on his head and, you know,

trims his poop, pubs nicely and whatnot. It's the pubs. You guys didn't have the cut with the Bosch Nude scene? No, I missed that one. He tries to go for it with a chat. Wait, wait, is there a video of this? I can find on a scandalous website, Steve might know.

It's a www. www.combe.org. You know what? Sure. You got to delete that before they seize it, dude. Oh, it's ready to go. I love, by the way, they say the name Bosch an awful lot in this movie. Bosch.

Bosch. Because it's like, it's punctuating every line. It's like, you don't know what you're in for, Bosch. Well, I think it's like after every single, like, even if he's not in the scene, they're like, we should go to a diner, like, Bosch. Does he have a last, does he have a first name, rather? like Mario, Mario, it's just Bosch, Bosch. Oh, Bosch, Bush, dude. I don't know. I don't think...

Do you Flora Bosch? Take he Bosch, Bosch, to be your lawful wedded husband? It's either that or captains his first name. He's just a regular officer. Oh shit, Lieutenant Captain Bosch. Captain's not a bad name for him. My parents were weird military people. My sister lieutenant hates it, though.

I counted. They say Bosch 36. times in this movie. What, 36? 11 times in the first 22 minutes. That's every other minute. I genuinely don't think they've said it that much on the seven seasons of the Bosch TV show. Yes, exactly.

Well, that's, okay, now that's unrelated, right? That's different Bosch. No, no Chud's in Bosch. Unforgivable. Fuck that show. He should be Bosch's cousin and like Bosch comes in in the last season. He's like, you know, one time I had a little trouble underground. And no one gets it

because this movie's totally forgotten. You just cut to tie us well over and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, get out of here. Oh, fuck, here comes my brother. He's going to tell at that time. He fought underground monsters in New York in the 80s. What a familial embarrassment. They made that podcast about him and the whole Wilson thing. Like, they would.

This whole thing would definitely garner a serial ass. Vox would be all over this gent. Chapter 1, the sewer. The lady and the dog. They'd eat, like, everybody would eat it up, right? Oh, yeah. Season two, but the chud. And then nobody will listen to it.

So they're like vampires, but also zombies, but also some monster thing. I don't know. Swimming pools are plot point. No, so here's the thing. The first season would be the, you know, like the in-depth investigation about how chuds happened and all that stuff. And, like, in season two, tort reform. And it's like, well, I'm out, dude.

You had me. No, thank you. You had me with the chuds. That was exciting. But now we're talking about legal shit. I don't care. Oh, it's about gerrymandering somehow. Okay.

All right. Okay. But how the chuds were being gerrymandered to see. I'd rather listen to a podcast about a guy named Jerry Mander. And he kind of just, you know, meanders. Jerry Mander meanders. Kind of goes nowhere. I think it.

I think the Chud's all vote Republican. That's how they got Giuliani in. Yeah, yeah. That's true. I'm going to campaign under the city. I will take out that tickets with the Chud vote. Rise, my Chud Army, rise. And then they fucking need you.

He's America's mayor. That's him. It's him. Yeah, we know he was basically out of office when it happened. But shit, man, his actions after 9-11 were really something. I... Didn't he also, like, marry his cousin or something? Yeah.

Definitely that sweet familial poontag. That's where... That's what he got the idea for chuds. Yeah, his cousin's got like a brood-esque sack with the chuds coming out of it. It starts off like a quado from Total Recall. Start the reactor. I am going to change that law.

The chuds can't go to movie theaters. Because you would want to sit next to a... Chud, but fucking, could you not? Your eyes are bothering me. Could you close your eyes, please, during the matinee, please? No, I cannot. Look, I don't give a fuck that it's reserved seating.

The theater is empty. Just sit somewhere else. That's Eric, if he was a Chut. I know, I kind of like the Chud. I think I'd rather one of those guys than, you know, you ever been to film form, ladies and gentlemen? Get some of those old timers in there with their

tuna fish. I guess one of those guys could be named Jerry Mander because it seems like their life is kind of just... Yeah, his name is Jerry Mander. He's got a plastic shopping bag with 19 editions of the New Yorker in it, none of which have been opened.

One from 1982 for some reason. Tuna fish sandwich definitely room temperature. Delicious. What I love about Bosch is... The story is, he is like, there's all these disappearances and, like, the commissioner's telling him to keep it under wraps.

You keep it under wraps, Bosch, he said. It's really fucked up, though, what he's doing here, because they're like, oh, we got another thing. We really think this person may have been the victim of a violent crime, and he's like, file it under missing persons. Oh, lower the temperature a little bit in the city. By the way, the thing that finally, when he, Bosch does, like, buy into the chud thing,

it's some guy like, a little girl saw her grandfather eaten, by a Chud. Oh, well, then, yeah, that was, yeah, definitely, that's Chud then. That's definitely a monster. That's not a murder anymore. The little girl saw it, then it's a Chud. But the point is, he goes to work the day his wife is abducted. Like, he's totally, not a personal day, not a half day I'll be in. Like, I don't know, I would like, wait by the phone. Maybe she'll call. Well, the thing is, we never see that full chud grabber. We just see the arm, and I think he's just got like a play. It's Bosch,

killing his own wife and blaming the chuts, you know? He got like a... I totally buy it. This is a real Bosch long game here. It's like I'm going to get a little monster arm. Well, I mean, why would you need the monster arm? It's the middle of the night.

No one's going to see what's happening here. What I'm going to need is two really wet gloves. That's what I'm going to need to really pull this off. If you were... But like, if she came back in the middle of the movie, she's like, so you went to work today? I was abducted. You went to work?

worked. Okay, no, that's great. I was in the trunk of a car for 36 hours and you went to work and also didn't use your powers as a police officer to immediately launch a search for me? Honey, honey, honey, honey.

Captain is not just my first name. It is actually my title and job. I had to be there. Okay? I was looking for some clues at the bottom of this cup of coffee. Oh no, my wife got kidnapped. Don't know. Better go to work. Better go to work. Look, honey, I would have loved to help you. But this guy who's like a fake reverend asked for my help

because he's convinced monsters under the city are eating his homeless friends. So Daniel Stern as A.J. Shepard. And I was perusing the credits and the IMDB because I'm a professional. Nice, too. Nice. The guy who wrote this is named Shepard.

I'm like, is this a real story? Did he see a Chud? Based on true events at the beginning. that's at the beginning of the trailer. Totally. The names have been changed, but the story's been the same to, I don't know,

protect the story of the dead or whoever Fargo starts. That would be a great idea. Just do a Chud TV show. That's like Fargo in terms... It's just... It's sleazy New York and it's a different fucking weird thing

every season. Yeah, then you get to season four and Chris Rock ruins it. I don't even fucking know. I don't watch it. People just said it was bad. I never... No, but he's right.

He's right, though. He is right. Chris saw it, right? I did see it. If you ever wonder if someone's watched a TV show, Chris Gannon. This guy right here. This guy right here. I will say...

This guy's watching TV. He sees everything. The unsung hero of this movie, though, is the filth consultant. Oh, yeah. Chuck Wabbit, or whatever his name is. This guy nailed it. Like, Daniel Stern's costume specifically. He's just got different shades of dirt and shit all over.

Daniel Stern, and I, you know, I like Home Alone as much to the next guy. he looks like a wax model made out of feces, this entire film. It is disgusting. He goes to a meeting later in the film with some high level officials. He goes to a meeting. But he doesn't even wash his face. He's just like, what is happening?

He's too busy. Being concerned about the Chud problem. He's cooking soup most of this movie. Underground, it seems, too. Like, yeah, I know you want to, like, you know, get in with the population. It's very good to work with the homeless. It's a horrible problem.

that this movie doesn't even care about but it's a horrible problem you could also wash your face occasionally though right you could brush your teeth you could brush your teeth Steve I love how you were just like you know what the film Chud should have really done something

to address the homeless problem in New York City they really fucking missed an opportunity it's dancing around that's what if there's a metaphor or a point to the movie Chud which there is not because it's called fucking Chud it's called Chud it's called

John. Fair point. No, but all right, go ahead. No, there is. It's about like, oh, the, you know, the forgotten people and yada, yada, yada, and then they turn into monsters.

I mean, it's not a really tight metaphor. It's just trying to make the sewers safer for them because we're never giving them anything else. No, definitely not. No, no, that's not happening. We should say, too, that the original, like, because, yeah, this is a weird, like, dudes in rubber suits and, like, lightbulbys monster movie.

the original concept was way more like zombie looking like they weren't monsters they had like makeup on their face and fucked up teeth and whatnot much like Chud too Bud the Chud and then some like genius producer came in and like made them rewrite it

was like no monster movies it's gotta be monsters and they were like but we don't have the money for it it's gonna look like garbage and he was like nah nah it'll look great and they look like garbage you're right Bud the Chud was a corrective I think so I mean dude I'm telling you

Just listen to the Chud commentary, man, okay? Okay. I'm not asking for a lot. It's fucking 96 minutes. I got you. Put down the Bosch TV show you're watching. Whatever the fuck. Fucking Fargo season four, whatever you waste your time on.

I like the yellow eyes. Yeah, I do too. The problem is, and I've been saying this, for years at this point, on panels and in conferences. Sure. I get invited to all over the country. Almost exclusively in academia. Yeah, absolutely.

Nothing in entertainment so much. Not enough chuds in this movie, man. Like a smattering of chuds in the middle, a little bit more chuds at the end and not much in general with the chuds. 34 minutes in until I see this piece of shit. Exactly. You don't even see much in terms of,

like they grab people and that's it, the lady, you know, Lady Bosch and the grandfather you mentioned. I need to see this guy torn asunder. Yes. Just like totally bifurcated. Yeah, just like ripping a grampy apart. Yeah.

The wet gloves are used more than the actual faces. You see so much of the wet gloves. Just like that porn video I'm wanting to see. But yes, this old man and his daughter are like, it's 4 o'clock in the morning. And he's like, well, I don't know where he lives. It's somewhere in Shoho. Let me use this phone booth.

And he does. And this is the first time you see a child. The little girl sees him. It's pretty cool. Yeah, but I'd like to see this. get it. The kid is like hunched down watching her grandfather

being devoured by this thing. Fucking hilarious. And Douglas Cheek, the note must have been, look bored. Just like you're about to go to sleep. Just look really bored for a minute, okay? And also like the girl,

the guy's on the phone is like, all right, yeah, we took a wrong turn to Franklin Street. I don't know where the hell I am. And this little girl sees the manhole cover go up and she sees a chud, you burn. And she's not like,

A dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, this Grampy's an asshole dragging around so all hours in the night. True. He's using a pay phone because he doesn't know where the hell he is. He's kind of like a gerrymander type of thing. What is this? I don't know. I don't know. He really liked it.

I think it's because you don't actually know what gerrymandering is. Well, no, that's when they like take a map and make it screwy. Yeah, no, that's correct, Eric. But what if a guy made it screwy? The thing about that also is like the little girl needs to be. a line of, like, Grandpa, I'm tired. Yeah. Or Grandpa, I'm hungry. Anything like that.

Or Grandpa, I'm blind. Grandpa, can I remind you I'm blind? No, but just because, like, you have... I mean, look, it's fucking dirty-ass 1983 Soho at 2 o'clock at the morning. See, this old fucker just taking this little child by the hand. Listen, I'm watching Chud. Anything is possible.

It's true. It's true. They don't mention it until after the fact, like, some little girl said a grandfather was eaten by the hand. I had Chud. I'm like, oh my God, it was her grandfather. Thank God. I mean, I guess it also would have been awesome if it was her captor, but, you know. The Chud is freeing people. That'd be great. Run away, you're free now.

But, honestly. Oh, my God, is that Mary McMarton? I saw her on a milk carton. That son of a bitch took her. Sewer. But in all seriousness, kill the kid. Sure. Yeah. Kill the kid.

Steve, are you positing that Chud's can read? Yes, absolutely. Excellent. Well, they used to be people, right? You know? Oh, that's true. I forgot about that part. And all the milk cartons go down into the...

You know how you flushing. Bilt cartons, yeah, all the time. It happens all the time. Run away, chud, never coming back. Wrong way on a one chud track. Remember that music video? Yes, by the bed, Chud Asylum. Oh, fuck, Chud Asylum.

Great name. That would be a great place to take the chuds instead of trying to chop their heads on. Yeah, or gassing them, which we do in this movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, so this is what turns the case into a real case. Suddenly, Bosch is really into it, and they're like, Bosch, you know, your wife is probably involved with this,

probably got taken. You should be involved with the investigation for sure. You're not intimately involved with this at all. You can just straight shooter, just do this now. Well, they're also like, well, I guess if he came to work, today, he's not that interested in his wife. So, I mean, like, yes, I agree with you. Like, he's probably compromised and, like, he's not the most

objective person to me on this case. But he clearly doesn't give a fuck about his wife. I mean... No, and I think at this point is a thing where it's, like, all the coworkers know that he hates her. Because, like, he's not even calling, like, hey, Marion, have you seen Florida anytime? Like, he never calls a human being to look for his wife.

Nope, not a single one. We should say the police officer Sanderson, who I think is, like, Bosch's, like, little desk, lieutenants or whatever, played by John Hurd's sister. Wow. Look at that. Chud Fact number 25. You heard it here first. I think you are

selling this DVD commentary like nothing else. Can I tell you, here's the thing. I don't go in for commentaries. I never ever, like I had the Fight Club DVD rocked the fuck out of those commentaries. Sure. Then like 20 years went by or whatever.

And I found myself last night like, oh, John Hurd, Daniel Stern. Christopher Curry, who plays Bosch, the director, Douglas Cheek, the writer who got fucked out of the writing credit, they're all here. And I watched it, and it's awesome because all they do is, one, say how disgusting Daniel Stern looks through the entire picture.

And two, make fun of the movie. It's just a riff. You have to listen to it. It would be funny if John Goodman just showed him to be like, yeah, that's me, and that's it. Dude, and you know that Stern and John Goodman are friends because he's just calling him Goodman. He's like, oh, yeah, is it Goodman in this movie?

like, oh, fuck. That's awesome. Is he doing with a Polito, too? Joe Polito get that kind of treatment? Yeah, they definitely know John Polito in this movie, absolutely. John Polito is unrecognizable. Absolutely.

You know, he looks like Gomez Adams. Yeah, he does. Hands of hell. Gorgeous. As fuck. Who the fuck are the Knutzen? So apparently on this Chud commentary, which I'll never listen to.

Fuck you, Steve. This asshole will watch two seasons of fucking forged and fire and chop back to back, but a Chud commentary. he's just too much to ask. I like to have a good time. I apologize.

I, but here's the thing. My question is, so who got, because apparently John Hurd and Daniel Stern are huge best friends, who got hired on Home Alone first? I was like,

you gotta take my buddy. Oh. You gotta take my pal. Such a reunion film of Chudge. Yes, exactly. I don't know. You know, shockingly, Home Alone doesn't come up

on the Chud commentary. What? What? They're too busy. everyone's shocked I don't know if that's going to come up on the recording or not but someone yelled what

and I loved it How? Someone's monocle fell out in the back Not the second one either What? Speaking of the second Home Alone movie That was the one day When you were talking about Daniel Stern

Like the egregious sweat stains In the movie Which we should say Summer of 1983 They're filming this movie It was like one of the hottest summers On record You're literally crawling around

the New York City sewer, yeah, it's going to get sweaty. But in the second Home Alone movie, he's gone on record saying at the end of it, when the pigeon lady fucks them over or whatever, a bird literally shit in his mouth. Nice. That is more appealing than the physical appearance in charge. I wish that video was available, too.

Pigeon lady fucks him over, forces the bird to shit in his mouth. Pigeon lady plus sticky bandit plus snuff films. Well, that settles it. I guess John Hurd must have been the one because he's like, look, I was on this movie, Chud, with this guy. He loves being covered with shit.

Is this guy going to get, like, hit? He's just going to have, like, bruises all over and shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, perfect for him. You can get shit on, too, if you want... If you have any birds, I need to shit. Yeah, you can shit on him. You can shit on him. Yeah, so Bosch and AJ have some, like,

back and forth because he... This is a great line where he... He's like, A.J. Shepard, I busted that guy five years ago. I wonder if that's the guy I busted five years ago. What a photographic memory, Baj. Awesome. But it's because A.J. Shepard has filed a police report that's like, hey, man, I think people are being eaten alive in the sewer. I would really love the police department to come check it out. People are homeless people.

A homeless. Yeah, I don't give a shit. Yeah, we'll get around to it. You know what character really doesn't matter in this movie all that much? Who's that? Murf. There's that long delay when Bosch says Murph to him, I love it. Murph, the like disgruntled beat reporter

this guy, I swear, it's just because they needed somebody with a name to get killed in this movie. They couldn't kill Hurd or Stern. They probably should have, but... Could have killed one of them. I would have been fine with that. I mean, I feel like if a chunched

Daniel Stern in this movie, he would spit him out. Oh, oh. too much soup on this leg I mean speaking of like chewing stuff out I'm getting a little hungry up here I don't know about you guys yeah we totally should have eaten before the show

that's pretty unprofessional but I'm kind of getting hungry what would be good right now what do you think to eat you feel like eating man what do I feel Cold Burger King Cold Burger King could

I know what you should eat What who's that Oh my goodness Is that our good friend Ben Booster? A bean dinner. Oh my God. Benjamin. Can we get a bean dinner

music here, Paul? A little bean dinner? Oh, my goodness gracious. You know him from Hooked on T.J. Hooker and blame it on outer space. Mr. Ben Wester. Mr. Ben Wester. You know what I like to call him around the house because he's around my house? Is Bean

Wester. Hello, Benjamin. How are you doing, sir? Oh, my. This is speaking to the mic. This is Much different than your, you're a dank. Dank, yeah. Cave where we record you. Much less dank here, right?

People. We do record at the sewer, Ben, as we are, Chuds. Yeah. So this is Ben Worcester, ladies. Give him over out for Ben Worcester. Came a long way to be here. He lives here. I have something for you to know.

Oh, shit. Now, hold on. to serve this properly. Take my cap off. We need to do this correctly and put on a beanie. Oh, you're prepared.

A bean dinner for a beanie. You guys okay if we eat a bean dinner here, right? Yes, a little bit of a bean dinner. We are in Brooklyn, so we have Camp Bells. Oh, excellent. I've heard such great things. The most disgusting thing. I've ever seen

pork and beans a family classic for over a hundred years now now gentlemen camp bells at the bellhouse that makes sense

yes I mean sound you wouldn't want progresso soup oh god oh no there's even a can

opener I like what this is going let's see if we can capture this audio we've penetrated Don't spill on the stage. They're going to charge us. This is not okay.

I don't think this can opener is working. Oh, wait, no. Oh, I wish it wasn't. We got it now. Oh, no, we're cut it. Folks, we see some brown. This is not. Eric, maybe you should take us back

to the origin of this bit. Okay, so a bean dinner. I smell hints of pork and bean. So, so bean dinner. if you're not aware. It's a bad thing. It really smells like shit. Oh, oh, yeah.

Uh-huh. So, Ben, we talked about T.J. Hooker visiting a funny enough, a soup kitchen. Okay. Where they were serving bean dinners. It was a Christmas episode, too. Oh, there you go. This is kind of like a Christmas show. Yeah.

What year is this, Ben? What's the vintage on this Campbell's Pork and, That's a, that's an 82. Ooh. Pre-chud, ladies and gentlemen. It's a good year for canned beans. Aging in a basement, as it should. I want to be clear because this is a pre-planned bit,

we are going to eat this fucking thing. We all agreed backstage. We're going to eat it. And now I really I really wasn't. This is the most G.G. Allen we will get tonight. Sit down and have some beans. It might get more G. If I throw up on the audience.

Here's a. quick thing. This is a spoon that Eric purchased earlier today, and it still has a price sticker on it for $199. You got ripped off. This is up somebody's ass is what I'm getting at. $2 spoons. Would you

care to sample the beans? Who's going to go first? Before sending it back? I'll go first. Is it... All right, stop stirring it. It's grosser when you stir it. Oh, look at it, though. Shut the fuck out.

And yes, also, so bean dinner, we talked about this on Hooked on T.J. Hooker, but also the Puss and Boots episode of We Hate Movies. Oh, right. We did. I totally forgot about that. Is it to your liking, sir? Can I point out, by the way,

you had like two beans on your spoon. What's an acceptable amount of beans on your spoon? What are you looking for you? I think I'm looking for what I'm going to do, which is a big old spoonful. I think I'm going to wretch immediately. All right, let me get in on this. Here it is.

We got beans. We got, this is really important to do, I suppose. All right. Everybody can see my heaping helping of beans. Look at that. Part of it's about to dribble on the floor. Always to show off. Let's get in there.

You know, you know. After all, my crying, it was all right. Yeah, look at that. We actually did it, folks. Look at that. Got to be dinner. Ben Wester, ladies and gentlemen. Benjamin. Thank you and I hate you.

Steve wants seconds. No, that's me putting my fucking... No, let me just get in there a little bit. Yeah, there it is. What? No! No! All right, now I overdid it. I did... No.

It is December. Did mention that, you know, near Christmas time, I have something else in Santa's sack here. It better not be fucking food, man. I swear to God. Can food especially. This is how we might all go out tonight. This might be an explosion of sorts.

Rancho Gordo, Christmas lima bean. Oh. Wow. I brought these. Where's Adam? Wait, our winner. Oh, the winner right down there. Why don't you huck it at his head?

No. It's taken me some self-control not to tear this open and rip Taylor expired beans all. Whoa, whoa, we did it. Oh, wow. That was almost. So close. Can I just say Bean Worcester with the arm in a hat?

Yes. One more round for Ben Wister. everybody. Thank you, sir. Thank you, Ben. I hate you. That was disgusting. There you go.

Finish off all that beer in the green room. I will see you back on the beat, Ben. Are we going to start to talk about beans again? The way he threw that was kind of like a Bean Rafflesberger kind of a situation. That pretty good. Really get booed off the stage here. I like that. That was the most.

this is probably one of the most disgusting things we've ever done and aren't you ladies and gentlemen so lucky to be here tonight for our anniversary show to watch us almost vomit we wanted to acknowledge the fact that 11 years on the air we have done a lot of side shows but we also have had a couple of sister shows narrated by you yourself there and Mr. Ben Wister

of course the currently running hooked on T.J. Hooker and the RIPD Blame it on outer space. Wonderful programs. It's very kind. You guys just heard of it, I know, but thank you. So, you know, like, Bosch and AJ team up. They find, like, a boot in the garbage,

and they're like, well, this is dynamite evidence. Well, it looks like a boot from the future. The way he puts this, they go to a meeting with the NIRC, the Nuclear Regulatory Commission guy, who's this evil fuck name, Wilson, he puts his boot on the table like it's the smoking gun.

But you're right, it looks like it's from the future. It looks like those boots in Star Trek 6, the Undiscovered Country, that they used to kill some Klingons with. Oh, those. Those like those boots that like latch onto the hull when there's no gravity and they light up all those

Klingons. Yeah, totally. They use similar boots in Star Trek First Contact. You know the thing about the human body that's terrible is when you eat something. It's bad. It just kind of stays with you for a little bit. It's not like, oh, I ate it five minutes ago. That should be gone.

You know what I love, dude? What's that? We know that the four of us up here have the same exact film over all of our teeth right now. It's a shared experience, you know? I thought the film we'd be talking about is Chud. Instead, it's a bean dinner film. So, by the way, I did not really care for it. Andrew fucking loved it.

So we got about three vomits and one love? Yes. Three vomits and a heart. You should turn that into their consumer reports thing and give a little feedback. I think if we leave that out overnight. Oh, then it'll really be good. Some chuds would develop somehow.

So this scene with the NRC goes on for approximately seven days. And then finally we get out and he's like, well, we're going to do nothing. The only thing that comes out of it is that you finally hear someone say, cannibalistic, humanoid underground dweller, which is the chud.

and the two theaters in 1984 went, yeah, they said it. Well, when, like, Wilson gets it revealed, he's got to be pretty pleased. We had the marketing teamwork on that. We're pretty pleased with the Chud acronym. We could have gone in any number of ways. We were first thinking about a movie called

Charlton Heston's urinary disease. From my cold dead dick. My God, my pee is burning like fire. Oh, my God, they put my name in the, in the title of a New Jersey hardcore band. We are talented as a junior disease. You blew it up, your animals, my tract infection. I hope that dude's dick hurt for most of his life. Probably did. Probably did.

I can't pee peacefully. Sorry, that's... Oh, my piece. He is burning in hell just like me. Michael Moore's just interrupting him in bathrooms all the time. What are you doing in here? Excuse me, Mr. Heston. Does your pee burns?

Excuse me. I'm trying to wipe my dick. Would you shut up, please? Remember that time Michael Moore won an Academy Award and he was like, you know what? The Iraq War is a bad idea. And a whole room full of people in Hollywood booed him. That was how he does.

was something. They just don't like him and that's okay. It's fine. It's fine. The Iraq war is a mess, but that guy kind of sucks. Well, Hollywood needed the Iraq war to happen so they could make four lions or lambs. Whatever weepy-ass garbage they put out

during the movie. So you're saying like Tom Cruise and Merrill Street were championing the Iraq War so they can make that movie? Obviously. Of course. Yeah, yeah. It checks out. Yes. What's happening on Chut? So whatever. Tom Cruise was funneling beans to the Taliban.

Oh, definitely, dude. John Hurd finds out that Kim Greast is pregnant, which I guess it's just in time for him because she would have broke up with him because this was her big break, this whole fucking thing. He stormed out with a total asshole. She gets a voice. When he's checking his voicemail or his answering machine,

it's like, oh, hello, we have a message for Kim Grease to blah, blah, blah. And any time a woman gets a message from a doctor's office in a movie or television, she's pregnant. Don't even bother. Absolutely. It cannot be like, oh, by the way,

that bowel thing came in, or it's an impacted molar, or you know what, blah, blah, blah. No, you are fucking pregnant every single time. Because that's what ladies do. I'm writing a script. The lady doctor called because the lady thing happened to the lady.

She's either pregnant or she's dead. Either or. Yeah, because I also like, like dudes weeping over dead ladies. That was a huge, huge genre for a while there. I even like some of them. Like Memento? He doesn't even remember his wife's head. Memento, Autumn in New York, your favorite movies.

Ottoman New York's got a death. It does. Isn't someone fucking in a bathtub in that movie? Possibly? No? Only New York. Right? It's like Keanu and Winona Ryder. Am I thinking of the right movie?

No, I think you might think. This is Richard Geer. Richard Gehr. And he's all, like, squinting at everyone. Someone's got a terminal illness or something shit, though? Yeah, Winona Ryder. Oh. So how to work out the end of that movie?

Not good. Did she eat shit? Yes, and then he cries. That's what we were talking about. Oh, but he probably saw Autumn in New York. I never saw it either, but I'd guess that he rides her at some point. That's Eric jokes. So she's pregnant, and, like, John Hurd's like, let's go to the park and enjoy you being pregnant.

And, you know, he's being a good guy. I know you're a model, blah, blah, if you want the alternative, that's okay. So, you know, some points to John Hurd there. Fairly progressive conversation for making a movie in 1983, which is why I suspect they actually cut it out of the theatrical place.

That conversation happens in the director's cut only. When they were afraid it wasn't going to play at the Bible Belt, this movie only played on 42nd Street at 4 a.m. Dude, you never know where Chud is going to wind up. I guess so.

You have to prepare for all scenarios. But they wind up, they go out, and for evidence for this meeting, they John, what's his face, Daniel Stern and Bosch steal his photographs of this dude, this homeless guy named Victor with this fucking rotten leg, dude. Ooh, that sucks. Dude, the chud bite is the most terrifying part of this whole movie. You see this fucking leg bone. It's gross.

There's a duo of homeless men. One is named Victor. One is named Hugo. Oh, it's so good. Is everyone paying attention? It's a movie about freaks. Do you get it? Here's two new homeless people.

This is Ernest and this is Hemingway. Hi. Here's the two other ones. This is Jimmy and Patterson. For homeless people... Jimmy and Patterson. For homeless people, one should be earnest and one should be pee whirl.

Because they love to pee in the street, which is short. Yeah, I played pee. Worrell and Chud? Uh-huh. It was a homeless man, you see, urinated a lot. It was pee-whorrel.

Hey, Vern, I'm homeless. Yeah, he fucking would be. I think that's probably the last of them Ernest movies. Ernest loses home. I got a fentanyl addiction. Ew. Hey, Vern, this mortgage is upside down.

Poor Ernest. May God rest his soul. Is that what that Michael Keaton shows about, them finding out Ernest has a fenced-at-all addiction? Right? That's how they're. Yes, Eric. Yeah. That makes sense.

Yes. You called me Eric because it was dumb. Yeah, I was trying. I got to navigate. Where is this coming from? You just forced me to eat cold beans, man. I'm still pretty raw about it. To be fair.

We all agreed on it. We did. Wasn't even cold. Those are lukewarm. Steve, you turned your fucking key, man. Yeah, I know. You could. but it just said no.

I should have just said no. Too late? You say you didn't like it? I did not like it. Did anyone get some fucking pork in their spoon? No, I did not. Why would I want to? No, I'm not saying you'd want to.

Just accidentally you're like, whoop, there's some pork. Let's see what's in the dredges of the scene. No, please don't. Give me a shot, dude. Maybe it's a pork sauce going on to this thing. Do not, oh, dude, if you spill that. That's what that guy's chud bite looks like, actually.

So I'm going to keep talking about. fucking chud. How about that? Something made me vomiting it. It might have been the pork. So maybe I had some. The chud, Steve. The chud. Yeah. I'm not seeing it, but I'll keep looking. You guys do the podcast. I'm just saying there might be a little false advertising here. That's all.

Want to nail these Campbell fuckers. Oh, there it is. Yeah, we ate that. You're just looking at it. A pork investigation by Eric Siska. Okay. All right. Eric has left. How does it get more disgusting?

This is not a madman-esque bean ballet. I'll tell you that much. Shall I flick it into the audience? No, do not. No. We didn't provide anybody with garbage bags to shield themselves. Steve is a safe seven feet away

from the foot of the stage. No one's getting spit on tonight. Sure. I'm so bummed out. I have to yell at my friend to put it down like a dog. If we're not flicking the bean at them, go ahead and spit on them, that's fine.

So, they're, you know, the movies progressing. Again, the middle is very soggy. The ending is where it really kind of picks up. So John Goodman and Jay, what's his face? Guy. Jay Thompson, I believe. Jay Thompson.

Dude famously fired from cheers for making fun of Ria Pearlman. Fuck that, dude. Totally. They had him murdered by a Zamboni on that show. He played, like, a hockey player who was, like, get in with Carla. And then, like, this dude, J. Thomas went on a radio show

and, like, totally disparaged her. And then everybody on Cheers was, like, guess what, motherfucker? Zamboni death. And that guy, they were grooming that guy to be, like, the next regular at the bar. Totally murdered on Cheers. Awesome shit.

That's the one that Leon, the professional, never got around to. Never did a Zamboni murder. A Zambotey hit. And so they go, and they're, like, flirting with this waitress, and Chud's show up. Because I guess the Chuds, the idea is there's so few homeless left underground. They're getting hungry, and they want to, like, go out. Because they are, the homeless become Chuds, right?

When we see one of the bodies, it's like, and you don't know it's obviously a homeless person because it's decorated in the rags of a bowery bum. That is the weird, one of the weirdest lines of that movie, because it's so, like, inappropriate. specifically specific? Like, the fuck do you, does he have like a hoodie with Bowery bum on the back of it? Like, what are you talking about?

We should do a podcast on that movie Dan on the Bowery. Oh, on the Bowery? On the Bowery. Lionel Rokison. A bunch of drunk guys going blah, blah, blah. That's a movie that

makes me appreciate my alcoholism is right where it needs to do. Exactly. I feel sensible to drink most of the time because I don't drink with those guys. No, you don't. They've all been dead for 60 years. I just drink alone

which is the healthiest thing best way to do it Stephen yes do you want to talk about Chud now I could look for pork Steve's desperately trying to talk about

I'm trying to help all right all right so this is a movie yes you got that right okay what happens next so in that did we talk about the meeting fully

Daniel Stern loses his fucking mind on these people it's actually awesome he's throwing these photos down he's like listen we stole these photos so we didn't actually, like, get this evidence legally, but definitely a Chud problem happening here. Definitely, he's fucking screaming at these guys.

Well, the thing that he thinks is going to seal it, he's like, see that bite? Nothing else would have made that bite but a Chud. Only a Chud would have made that bite. What's a Chud? I don't know. Anything could have made that bite a sewer shark, I don't know. A ninja turtle could have made that bite.

They got some big chomper's. Totally, especially those early animatronic turtles. the fucking teeth are all over the place in those movies. They do, it's Shud autopsy in the middle of this movie, and the guy is not like, holy fucking shit! The guy's just like, well, it's a fucking radioactive. I mean, I guess there's like chuds all over the world,

I guess. Maybe like this is the only place in the world we have chuds. Chud's all over the world. Join claws. They got a ride. Start a chud train. Chud train.

They got like a ride at Disney World about that, right? Oh, fuck, Buzz Light, your chud explosion. Funny you should mention autopsies, by the way. Something else I learned from the Chut Trivia. Jesus Christ. On the commentary track. Get ready for this.

Get ready for this. This is rad. So Christopher, not Christopher Curry, Douglas Cheek, the guy directed this movie. Didn't get a lot of directing gigs after this movie. Oh, you don't say. But he found work as an editor. Doing a lot of like TV, mostly like TV documentaries and docutainment, we now call it, you know. But one of the things he caused.

Man, staple of my childhood, the Jonathan Frakes-hosted Alien Autopsy Factor Fiction. Yeah, the director of this movie edited that shit. It makes total sense. You're about to cut open an alien. Use the scalpel, Kim. Yeah, because somebody went up to Douglas Shegel. Oh, no, you directed into a feature film.

You could have a huge career. And then Jonathan Frank showed up, and he goes, it was made up by a writer. because he did not have a huge career you see the woman who directed or edited this movie though has gone on to massive success including directing two movies this year both Ridley Scott Pictures

House of Gucci and The Last Jewel yeah totally So see not everything about Chud was a total curse I mean so Wilson the evil NRC guy sends his this Ryan Reynolds looking motherfucker to follow Rev. And he

locks Rev underneath the sewer while they're starting this gas plant. He also knocks down that one undergrounder. I think it's Victor. The guy who went on to be like Russell Crow's partner in LA confidential among other things. Well he just

kind of like gets killed accidentally like he just happens to be walking up and the great hits him on the head and he dies. The storm doors and the dude like falls off this ladder. And I'm like, it's been 50 minutes and wears it, like a chud should rip this dude's head off. I don't want accidental deaths in the fucking chud movie. You got like this government agent locking this stuff.

Shoot him in the head or something. You're one of those classic government moves. Fake his death. Well, like, he's just scaring him. Like, he takes a quarter of his hand and eats it. That's a weird thing. Daniel Stern is trying to make a phone call. And by the way, it's a dime because it's 1983.

Of course. And this dude actually puts disgusting 1983 currency in his mouth. and swallows it. That's another way to turn into a chud. Yeah, totally. That's a recipe for a chudtacular experience. You know what? If we're still doing this in 20 years, we eat some coins on stage.

Just the currency eating. The 31 year anniversary show. Then these guys pushing 60, ate a bunch of change on stage. One of them dropped dead immediately? They all died on stage. It was just amazing. Never happened before.

how we should go. That's how I want to go out, honestly. Just dying on stage with you guys. Keep eating beans, it might happen, man. Yeah. You hear that? Another applause for death, please. Thank you.

This dude, Mirf, is like, hey, I'm going to fucking make John Hurd go into the sewer, and I'm like, great. And he goes into the sewer. Now, they're locked underneath. And it's a real, like, We don't, again, the gloves. We don't have the money because he's like, oh, no.

There's a lot of chuds over there. Oh, no. You just can't see them. They're right over there, though. Trust me, there's all these chugs. Oh, my God. It's like an army of chugs. They're coming right for me.

Oh, my God. Is that Marlon Brando down there as well? Wow, that's really expensive. You can't see it. It's right off stage, but oh, my God. Is this before or after, uh, Frankie Faison, who like you can barely see in this movie he's got like a helmet on the whole time, but the great

Frankie Faison leads the NYPD's Flamethrower Squad down into the sewer. And that's in the 80s they had that. It's fucked up, man. You don't need to be giving cops flame throwers. You know they got them. Every beat cop in this town's packet of flame throwers somewhere. They're more compact these days.

That seems great though because it's Bosch being like, hey, NRC guy, Wilson, I'm pretty sure there's monsters down there and this guy's like, that's fucking motion. And they have like a camera crew down there and you just get to mostly listen to all these dudes get absolutely

eviscerated by Chuds. It's kind of great. Well, I mean, that's the problem with the Chuds. It turns out of the fucking War of the World's an audio drama most of the time. That's true. Because you have these guys lighting up flamethrowers in a tunnel and they're like, the Chuds are coming. Show me one stunt.

man on fire running around. Well, Bosch, if they're all looking at this TV, and Bosch is like, there are a clear chud. Over there in the corner, if you look past, the guy over there. You're totally right. There is a part where he's like, look, right there. There's something.

I saw it. And there's absolutely nothing. And the NRC guy is like, I think that's bullshit. Dude, there's nothing there. And I'm like, yeah, I'm siding with the villain. This guy's making it up. And we cut away, and they're like, well, they're all dead. They've died in the chutting.

You know, one time I heard George Ticay do a War of the Worlds kind of thing there and I feel like you've got to had him come in like and oh my God, look the chuds, here comes a chud the chud is eating my arm now. Oh my. They should do a DVD commentary with him with chud.

What am I doing here? Why am I, what's a chut? Brad, what's a chud? Love George Ticay, He's the best. Love his husband, Brad, too. Awesome, dude. What's the, like, real acronym?

It's, like, some hazardous urban disposal. Oh, the George Decay, it's great. I was going to go all the way through. And I stopped a jeez. Shall he keep going? No. Great entertainer. Yeah.

No, but this whole Wilson guys. Or raging. Yeah. George. Great Entertainer. Great entertainer or raging great entertainer. We did it. That's right.

It's me. Great entertainer or raging great entertainer. I was trying to loop it into some way talking about how he fucking hates Shatner and wishes for his death every day. I couldn't quite get there. The way out is through and by that I mean just doing what you did before. Dude does hate William Shatner though. It's fucking awesome. Yeah. Well, you know, we always show

the beans again. No, please. No, please. We're not too much. Enough. Put it down. Hey, George, that's what we fed the rest of the cast on Star Trek. Put it down. You know, the dripping is what makes it really disgusting. Some of that is in us right now. Some of those beans are

in us, yes. So they're all racing around in the sewer. Murph is dead. Nobody cares. And the only thing I guess is it gives John Hurd a gun that he never uses. Like, they really didn't do the Chekhov's gun principle.

They absolutely did not. They did Chekhov's Chud principle. You show the Shud in the first act. No. If you show a Chud hand in the first act, you must, by law, show a full chud by the end of the movie. I do love Kim Grease's

shower scene. Oh, yeah. This is from another movie entirely that I think might be called the vomiting tub. Yes. But, you know, first we see that dead dog in the basement, which is cool. Oh, she gets spooked by that dead dog. It is a hilarious

stuffed animal. It's all like lathered up and stuff. Yeah, they wash the puppet. Or it's just like the Chud's hands are so goopy. Well, they are goopy. They're very wet. They grabbed it. They're like, oh, no, it's not a human. I'm a cannibalistic. I don't eat dog meat. I eat human meat. Thank you.

But she's so traumatized. She goes to take a shower like you would. And Norman B. No, no. She's you know, thankfully there's no nudity. It's not It's not that cheesy of a shot. But she's like, oh, the shower, it's clogged up. That happens to me.

I'm like, well, I'm going to finish showering and then I'll deal with it. I have never tried to deal with this mid-shower. No, of course not. This is the craziest thing I've ever seen. And again, by straightening a hanger? What? For a second, I thought we were doing the alternative.

Oh, man. People used to do it all the time. I saw this coming a mile away. This movie takes place in New York City, not Texas. But she starts, like, fidgeting in there. And again, like, what in the movie makes this happen? It explodes blood. Here's the thing.

Was it a chud, like, looking up at her? Was that the idea? All right, when she sticks it down, I'm going to... Bloods, blood spurt. spit. Yeah. It's a power we don't know about what the judge. Oh, I see. No, it just makes no sense. He just got into Emilio Estevez

in Mission Impossible. That's what happened to him. He got it right in the eye. That is a brutal death in that motion picture. Is it not? It's beautiful. Poor Emilio, huh? Yeah. But that doesn't ruin her whole night because she just kind of towels off and she calls the cops about like the dog, but I'd be like, holy

shit, where is this blood coming from? You know, and this is what I gotta say, folks, as you get old you got to keep the curiosity about you. Sure. You can't lose your curiosity because then you get to a point where you're Kim greased

unclogging a fucking drain blood spats in your face and you don't even blink. You just towel off and you just turn the TV up. Well, that's New York. Yeah, exactly. Only in New York. It's just...

And I don't know how you're watching this movie and like you get to that part as a producer of the motion picture and you're like, yep, totally tracks. Yeah, yeah. This all goes along with our radioactive monster men. I don't even think Kim Grease ever knows what's going on in this movie. No, she doesn't.

No, because her reaction, her reaction is not like, oh my God, it's gross. It's what the fuck? Meanwhile, like, there's a chud in the basement. He's trying to come up. This kid, we're setting up that the kid's going to get it, but he doesn't. Cowards. Fuckin' yeah. Kill that child.

See, we had a kid earlier that also didn't die. Sucks. Well, no, I mean, Chuds are just like They're more ethical eaters They're not going to eat veal, you know what I mean? Yeah, sure, I'm sure. Makes sense. That's disgusting.

That's a child, dude. That's gross. What good people. They break into Kim Grease house, and Deus X sword happens. And again, though, like, man, this little chuds neck starts extending like we're watching the thing.

Yes. Yeah. Never saw a chud. do that before or since. I guess it was just this one time. This is what happens when producers medal. And his last thoughts are like, is that a fucking sword?

God, that lady's got a swore. But he's alive at the end and he bites her leg. I'm sorry. You're going to have a chud baby, my friend. Oh, definitely. 100%. Absolutely.

Sword smiths, what you have in front of you is a genuine sword from the motion picture chud. You'll have one month that completed your home forge. Yeah, this is the 10th season of Fortune Fire. We are running out of pop culture weapons. The Douglas Chee Classic, of course. We've done Willow a dozen times at this point.

We can't keep going on. If I could cut through a pig, I can cut through a chud. Now, it's not what your sword does to the chud. It's what your chud does to the sword. I remember hearing that. Sword chipped a little when it made an impact with the chud,

that would cost you... Yeah, I see your tangs all off here. You're not going to get through the chud neck bone. No, no, you know, John Hurd would never want this in his collection. Sorry. I feel like you have to...

Like, she has to have some line that's like, honey, the swords. Yeah, exactly. On the wall, really? Yeah. Well, you never know when you're going to have to decapitate someone. I mean, you really don't, Kim.

I mean, which would be weird but fine. Yeah. But the fact that they don't acknowledge them at all and the audience has to be like, oh, right, they have a ton of sorts. Daniel Stern is talking, like, does a lot of talking about like, oh, God, do you remember when I called the EPA and everything like that?

I wish they would do at least one flashback where he's played by Fred Savage. And he just starts talking about like, yeah, I called the EPA and I tried to tell them that the chuds were coming. That's it. When I saw my father turn into a chud, our relationship was changed forever.

Get over here, Kevin, I'm starving. He kind of looked like a chud, didn't he? He did. Kevin Arnold should have been eaten by a chud if he had to be eaten by a chud. Absolutely. You know, like if Winnie's brother had to die in Vietnam, Kevin Arnold could have been eaten by a chud. I'd say most Fred Savage characters in general.

The vice versa kid, all of them could be eaten by chud. Oh, he should have been chud, right? No doubt about it. That kid sucked. Also, like, rookie of the year, right? Is he already? No, that was Daniel Stern. I've been drinking.

I don't even think it's the beans. I don't think it's been the beer. I'm totally hallucinating right now. You know what in my mind? I was like a disgusting shit boy. Yeah, we're through the year. Well, Thomas E. Nicholas is a little bit of a disgusting shit point.

Oh, disgusting is all get out. So Kim Grease plays Grand Theft Auto and steals a cop car. And I don't know how or why. I guess the cops would. It's fine too when she parks it. Well, because the cops. come in to check on her and this chud does like a three stooges to them it's just the gloves like get in here you numbskowls it's just so ridiculous it's clearly like a special effects guy with two like chud arms of his hands oh my god it's awesome uh so she gets down to the climax of the film which is everyone like john heard and uh and daniel sturd are trying to get out and wilson is flooding the sewer with gas we should say at this point basha's head wife's hands

has been unearthed. Oh, man. Worst scene in the movie. He goes to the river and like these cops are like investigating this thing and then it's like, oh my God, it's his wife. Man, if there was

ever an opportunity that you needed to take for a take two, it is this cop's delivery of, oh my God, it's his wife. Oh my God, I'm acting in a Mavi. Oh, you call those movies?

News to me. I've been drinking. Oh, my God, you're putting in a pool. Sam McMurray in this movie. Or Sam, what the fuck's his name? Right, yeah, he's a cop, right? Yeah, totally. So, Bosch is now upset.

He's trying to get Wilson. Meanwhile... He goes to a bar really quickly with these two cops, and this dude is fucking loaded. He's auditioning for a different movie in this scene. Absolutely. He's like, oh, is there a sequel to Kramer versus Kramer on the horizon? Maybe I can get in on that. They're like, let us take you home.

He's like, no, no, here comes my monologue. And you think, here's the thing, you think that we're in for a real, like, Boschelog here, right? Like, it's going to go for a bit. And, like, the camera's slowly moving in, like, pushing closer to Christopher Curry's beautiful face, you know, and he's getting ready to do this. And he's like, she was going back to college. and I guess I was all right with it. And that's the end of the monologue.

It's like maybe four lines, but you think it's really like ramping up for some Olivier shit. It's just like, are you mad that she registered in continuing education? What is going on here? It was almost like a real Mavi right there for a second. This is just a reason for him to act crazy

during these last scenes. Yes. And just hanging out in this police car until he hears her and stern and he goes to rescue them so does and Wilson tries to kill them

in one of the most spectacular scenes I have ever seen he blows the fuck up well it's amazing because it's like you're playing a video game and Wilson was the final boss

and then you beat him and then all of a sudden he's got a big truck you're like oh fuck he's flashing red he's like dude the fucking game is over it's blinking red

It's either a helicopter or a mech suit or this one, it's a truck, you know? I would have actually like, if Wilson was like, oh, the chuds are coming, better get into my mech suit. Shit Chud remake, directed by Giermel D'Oro. I like it. Hell yeah.

If there was anyone to do it, it's that, dude. Pacific Chud. Yeah, dude, this time the coast is toast. Sure. Reuse that tagline from Volcano. Why not? You're better off because the other way to do that is Chud Rimm, and that's not great.

Oh, man. Dude, that's on your hard drive. Oh, yeah. You had, you, in one of your sessions. Yeah, it's one of my epic sessions. By the way, Kevin, you said heard and stern, Steve, that's what we should have called their two-man improv to you. Oh, I like that.

Heard and stern. This is kind of great. We're heard and stern. Yeah, it would have been a good Muppet situation. Yes, exactly. Did we finish the whole thing? because I interrupted with the whole jag about cheers.

But did we finish John Goodman looking sexy as hell in this movie? I mean, I guess so. Shut up, Steve. He's sexy as hell in this movie. My beloved John Goodman. Cabin, back me up.

Yes, he's looking great. Thank you. A rare cheeseburger. And apparently he got like Johnny Depp in a nightmare on Elm Street. Because they cut to this outside of this diner and there's just blood everywhere. It's a fucking blood explosion.

It's fucking crazy. use guns against chuds. It's crazy. They get you before you can use a gun. It would be great if they see the chud and he's just like really sluggish because he just ate John Goodman. He's just like, oh geez man, that was

oh, it was a good one. Oh yeah, you can kill me. That was really delicious though. That guy is. I think what happens to you that's a prime meal. There's a chud that's just like, you know, sashaying by this diner, you know. I mean, here's John Goodman being kind of like disgusting to this waitress is the problem.

You know, because he's all like, oh, yeah, you're going to get it. You're like getting bad, huh? I bet you do. And the Chud's like, excuse me? Why don't you leave that lady alone? Me and my pals are going to break through this diner window and eat all of you now, including the woman we're defending. After I loosen this belt, you're in trouble.

So they're dead. Yeah, they're dead. Definitely. They're filling the thing with gas. they contact Bosch and the cruiser they're like oh you got to move the manhole Wilson just shoots this cop

in the back dude this guy's drunk with power it's revealed like he's like really working for the super evil government not even the NRC but he is just killing cops it's crazy because he's like oh my God he's Bosch says to him he's like

you don't even work for the NRC what are you going to do shoot me in the back exactly what happens that's a lot you don't want those to be your last words, like, what are you going to do, shoot me in the back? Oh, you did, got it. Okay, now I'm dead.

When Bosch is trying to, like, get the, you know, they got like a stick to open a manhole cover. Yeah, like the little crowbar or whatever. Yeah, he gets shot before that happens, but then Daniel Stern's able just to lift it on his own. He hulks out. You got this, like, weird, like, low angle shot of Daniel Stern on this ladder, and he's like,

ah, it's his Hulk moment. Well, no, it's pushing on it, it's not working, and this character is so disgusting, he's like, herpes, you. unite. And all of his herpes really just created extra power to lift through.

So it's like multiple strains of herpes just swimming around. Yeah, exactly. His thing is they come together. He becomes like swamp thing, but with herpes. Oh, excellent. Do you see a video about this? I did not. Hey, dude, send me that link.

You see, kids, herpes gives you powers. All kinds of powers. So go and get it. I don't know about that. Or don't. It's your life. So, he does get out, and this guy, he picks up Bosch's gun and just shoots Wilson in the heart from like 50 yards away. It's kind of awesome.

I love Daniel Stern's reaction here, because it's like, on the one hand, like, oh, I'm squinting and aiming. But on the other hand, it's like, oh, my God, it's a shit. It's just, again, if there were ever a reason for. for a take, too. You know what, Dan, let's try this again. Maybe you don't, like, painfully squint that much. Like, a baseball's coming out of your ass. I mean, Wilson does get shot,

and then there's just enough for him to be like, oh, fudge, and then the thing hits the gasoline, and an explosion as if 17 pounds of dynamite goes off. It's an exquisite explosion, which, like, from the budget of this movie, you straight up do not expect. No. They cut Daniel Stern's budget in half.

half, I think, just for this. And the credits start rolling. I'm like, well, what happened to the chuds? And I guess it's sort of implied that Bosch lives through the events? Bosch is kind of looking up at Daniel Stern, like, nice shot. And then because there's, I guess,

a mishmash of editing here between the theatrical and the director's cuts. In the director's cut, seconds later, he again goes, nice shot. In case you didn't hear me the first time. But I need like Bosch on a hospital bed and they're like, don't worry, dude, they totally checked

and all the Chuds are dead. Or they're running rampant right now and Rudy Giuliani is fucking courting them. I don't know. Vote for me! My beloved Chalph! Do it! No, chef, visit me in the hospital,

bring bagels. I will do this one last time. Sure. Difference between the theatrical and the director's cut. Oh, boy. Here we go. The theatrical cut,

which is 10 minutes shorter, takes that John Goodman's sequence, and dumps it at the very end of the movie. Oh. And so what it is is there's a quick montage in the movie where there's like, the sun is setting on New York and you're seeing like traffic just going by and the sun going down right before we get.

Beep, beep. That's traffic. A lot of beep beep beeps, totally. Beep, beep. A lot of, I'm walking he is. Oh, that's what we say, isn't it? That's right. That's right.

Thanks a lot, Dustin Hoffman. But so they take that. whole montage and then the Goodman scene they dump it at the end and over that montage you have like a radio like a news radio guy like yeah there was something about a big fucking explosion downtown con Ed is confirmed that that's just a gas leak also a lot of people running around claiming chuds are all over the place we have determined that that is indeed bullshit and then it gets to the Goodman scene and the last thing is like the chuds attacking and it's kind of

like, uh-oh, Chuds are still around or whatever. Potential sequel set up. Nobody's running in saying you're not going to believe this, but we're seeing Chud's here, you know? The only reason why the ending there is a little better is because instead of the version you mainly see

now, it ends like we just said, and then like the score starts playing. When the theatrical cut ends, when the credits start rolling, you just hear like Homer Simpson like For like 27 seconds. Yeah, we got Daniel Stern's wife back in here

to make the munching noises. She was a real sport. She came in and just did a lot of wet. We told her to pretend you're having a bean dinner and a real mavi. But you're really digging in. You're digging into it. It's just one of the greatest B-movies all time,

ladies and gentlemen. That's the end of choice. Love it, love it. That is cut. So, you know, I feel like we could probably be up here all night chat and BS and whatnot, but unfortunately we do have to wrap it up, but this is indeed a very special show for us. This is totally

bonkers that we are celebrating now over 10 years of doing this. And we have all of you to thank for it. We have no intention of stopping. And it's because of all of you. So thank you so much. Thank you guys.

For the continued support of this insane, ridiculous endeavor that we're on here. Steve? No, I'm just saying we have no intention of stopping, but those fucking beans might do it, too. That might have been it. That might have been it. We'll see who wakes up tomorrow.

I feel a little sick, and it's no way the six beers I have. Couldn't be. Three backstage. No, it's. the three beans, dude, don't worry about it. Maybe the pork. Troublemakers, those beads.

Absolutely. It's going to make a stalk in me. You know what, no. Right to the heavens. And in the heavens, you didn't know this, but the heavens populated by giants. They got it. Which I have to kill. I've been quested.

It's a whole different fucking podcast. But of course, we want to give a big thanks to everybody here at the Bell House. We played here a bunch of times. Thank you guys. This place kicks fucking ass. Tip your bartenders well, ladies and gentlemen. These are hard times. But yeah, before we get out of here, we

would be remiss, even though this is a special anniversary show, if we did not end it, the way we always do here at We Hate Movies Live, which is, of course, giving you just a little insight in some of the best film writing and criticism you can ever find, which is of course located in the IMDB user review section.

Cahir's do moron the most wonderful place in the world. Ouch. We got two here for you this evening. The first one, three out of ten stars. That's about right. Yeah, that's pretty good. Out of ten?

That's a fiver, I'd say. Boodwich way? Too high or too low? Way too low. Okay, excellent. All right. No, you know, you folks are all right. Okay, subject line, great as a kid, horrible as an adult.

Story of my life. Yeah. Username BlueJay FM, written the 22nd of September 2006. I guess they just got that standard deaf-chut DVD. Absolutely. He's thrilled about it. Hold on, I'm trying to get Blue J. FM on the dial. It's just a bunch of chirping.

Wait, no, I don't know where they die. Where is it? Is that static or a bird? It's just old Toronto Blue Jays games played over and over again. The only reason I'm giving this a three-star rating is because I enjoyed the movies a kid and was frightened.

There you go, folks. Someone was scared by Chud. We found them. No longer, they write. Very defiant in this IMDB user review. I rented this thinking it would be fun to watch again, and fell asleep in 20 minutes. I don't think they even got to Bosch.

This is an unfair review, man. It's fucked up. I mean, yeah, in their defense, up until then, it's mostly a marriage drama. Yeah. At that point. Totally. This is my favorite part of this whole review.

Once you realize that none of this stuff can happen, that's all made up! As he just went into this, like, oh, I heard there's a new New York City documentary. Hey, honey, let me ask something. Think something like that could happen? Hold on.

Movies aren't real? Maybe they mixed it up and thought they were watching that documentary Dark Days. Right, I was thinking about that throughout this watch. It's kind of like a nice, like, sister film to Chud, by the way. Have you ever caught the documentary Dark Days? Excellent shit.

Check it out. I guess when you were a kid, you're like, oh my God, there's Chuds everywhere, and then you're disappointed like Santa Claus, you're disappointed to find that they were fake. So once you realize none of this can happen, a lot of the excitement is taken away. Stay far, far away from this garbage.

Fuck this guy. Yeah, crazy person. This is kind of great and naive. It's just a money maker for irresponsible... No one's making fucking anything. Do you know how to make money? It's not by making chud. Chud didn't amount to a hill of beans. Chud is how you waste money.

Exactly. All right, that hill of beans one was pretty good. That's not bad. Still got it. Moneymaker for irresponsible parents that let their children watch horror movies. Okay, now you're just carrying a grudge for 30 years. Yeah, sorry you hate your parents, motherfucker.

I can't orgasm because my mom made me watch chud. She was such a lazy parent Now I can't shoot, bud! I'm gonna tell the IMDB about it! Oh no, I really can't. Sorry, ha-ha, kidding. I'm joking. You always shoot when Chud's on, dude?

Absolutely. What seems to be gory... The gory killing of people doesn't seem scary at all at age 30. Congratulations. Go ahead. Warning, don't waste your time or money. This,

is there a Raptor in the audience? Well, they are very intelligent. Oh, yeah, because they have those handle doors was able to get in here. You got to always have door knobs. Whenever I see a handle door, I'm like, nope, Raptor can get in. Dude, can I tell you, I kind of think that

every time I see a doorknob. Yes. You close a doorknob, you're like, all right, I'm safe from Raptors. I mean, I don't know what's going to happen to me tonight, but no Raptors getting in here tonight. Especially in these, you know, this era of fucking wretched COVID when I'm opening doors with my elbow and whatnot. Just like, Raptors got this one covered.

They don't even have to worry about COVID, I bet. We have now found that the Omicron variant can inspect. dinosaurs. No, you know what? Raptors don't have to worry about because they're so smart. They got fucking vaccinated. So, that's true. They're geniuses. Warning.

My voice crack, like, you want a fucking Fred Savage? Warning. Don't waste your time or money. The movie is simply garbage if you know of another horror movie to rent, save your money. I would recommend The Omen or Rosemary's baby or Halloween for a good old-fashioned scare.

And then this person goes on to plug their own website. No. www. All Aboutsouthfield.com. And I'll save you the time. Don't worry about it. It's definitely not registered anymore. I totally checked it.

You have to. I just wonder what it was all about. Does it redirect any like Chud videos? I wish, dude. There's nothing. There's no. two chuds, one copper. Damn it.

Just a regular old, this website's been dead for 10 years. Okay, one more, one more before we take off this evening. 10 out of 10 stars. There you go. What? Fucking finally, right?

Nice. Uh-huh. Subject line, cult classic. Yep, absolutely. Written by Garrett Downs with a C. Nice. Now, let me tell you right now,

we got ourselves a quarantine watch as the 25th of June 2020 2020. Uh-huh. There go. Judd?

Garrett Downs, huh? Yeah. Probably related to a guy named Jerry Mander. You know, that's for me. Through marriage. That's for me.

It's an anniversary show I could do one. I thought you're going to say maybe it was secretly Garrett Graham just commenting on all things, Chud. Yeah, yeah.

It's true. Dude played Bud, the Chud and the sequel. Okay, Chud is in my top three favorite movies of all time. Okay, all right. Okay, all right.

The pendulum swung way back the other way. Someone was drunk on beans that night. Uh-huh. And Eric, you will naturally just hate them immediately. We're spelling favorite with a U over there. Oh, boy.

You know I hate those typos you see from old Europe? What's how you do it in there? S's F's as well? Like, what are we talking there? Let's see. Of all time, along with the Warriors, which they put as

Warrior Possessive S. Okay. The Warriors what, then? No, I think it's the Warriors. It's the sequel. Do they all open a bar together? No, I love that. The Warriors Mavi. Of course.

Along with the Warriors and runaway train. Pretty good movie. Oh, my kingdom for a microphone picking up that guy's, what? My kingdom. That's a bizarre, like... It's a John Voight motion picture.

John Voight, Eric Roberts. The only thing I know about it is my wife hates it. Oh, really? Yeah. Chelsea, you're wrong. Wow. Well, no, this guy likes movies with chuds in him, so he likes the John Voight movie.

It makes a ton of sense. Oh, yeah, he's a maggot. Totally tracks. Yeah, exactly. I mean, honestly, if you squint really hard, and the Warriors, there's probably a couple of Chuds running around that for sure. And also if you get bitten by John Voight, you turn into John Void.

So be incredibly careful out there, folks. That's what happened to Cosmo Kramer. It's a film I have seen over a hundred times along with my other two faves. So this guy has spent 300 watches, going

through Chud, the Warriors, and runaway train with Eric Roberts and John Boyd. Now I'm just imagining somebody gets bit by John Voight, right? But he doesn't want to let everybody know so he's hiding it, but he's slowly turning into John Void. Oh my God, definitely, dude. He just starts turning to a raging asshole out of nowhere.

You know, I get this, God, can I be on Ray Donovan? I feel this feeling in me. I feel like I should be on Ray Donovan. I feel like I should yell at Leav Streiber. You're looking paler and your daughter isn't talking to you anymore. Are you all looking all right? Can somebody, can somebody? Can somebody please show me to the showtime?

I'm supposed to be at a showtime. Honestly, I think getting bit by a chud is the only way you get me to watch that fucking Ray Donovan. I'll tell you what it's not happening. You shouldn't be watching it. You watched that whole thing, didn't you? Yeah, I watched that whole thing. You are just watching TV, dude.

Was my job for three years. Someone wooed the fact that Chris's job was watching television. Whatever gets you going. Thank you. Thank you. All right. Let's see. The only thing my boy can do.

Oh, man. John Hurd, Daniel Stern, John Goodman, and others. Made the movie What It Was for Me, which was perfect. Look, I love this movie. It is far from perfect. Yeah, I could get a red pen and fix this thing. Yeah, number one. Spruce it up a little bit.

Them chud suits. Uh-huh. the movie was made with a small budget but has become a cult classic and I watch it at least three times a year this guy is polishing a rifle somewhere waiting for the revolution man the chud revolution

that is a way not to get invited to family function just you're talking about chuk your tri-annual chud watch it's like you're not coming to Thanksgiving ever again No, I mean, well, we can't really talk about Bud the Chudder as I call it, the New Testament. Look, there are fucking pluses for that movie, man. You got Brian Robbins running around. He's like a Nickelodeon magnate nowadays.

And Garrett Graham, his bud is pretty cool. There's some pluses there. Exactly. Don't reject his message. I like Bud the Chud. Or I thought you meant you loved both Testaments. Oh, yeah, the Chud ones.

A reading from the book of Chud. Oh, by the way, the sequel, Bud the Chud wasn't... I'm reading exactly what they wrote. The sequel, Bud the Chud, wasn't nowhere near as the first film. Yep. No, it couldn't have been the first film

because the first film already happened, you see. and then they made his second one. Listen, also as a serial killer writing this at 3 o'clock in the morning, I'm sure this was the best this person could do. Go by the record Chud on vinyl, as it's now available. We are, we hate movies

from right here in New York City. We have been around for over 10 years. Thank you. Thank you so much for being with us. We love you all. We will see you next time. Bye-bye. Here I am

And in the city With the I'm back You better believe I'm back Back in the New York Blue I'm back

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