We Hate Movies - S12 Ep597: The Adventures of Pinocchio

Episode Date: March 1, 2022

On this week's episode, the 2022 Listener Request Month kicks off with a discussion around the absolutely disgusting family film, The Adventures of Pinocchio! How terrifying is it when this puppet struggles to speak? Why are none of these human beings shocked to see this puppet walking and talking? And what in the world was with all that mouth frosting at the bakery? PLUS: Has everyone read the latest on-the-town column from Puppet Weekly?  The Adventures of Pinocchio stars Martin Landau, Geneviève Bujold, Udo Kier, Bebe Neuwirth, Rob Schneider, and Jonathan Taylor Thomas as Pinocchio; directed by Steve Barron. Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, Listen to Request Month kicks off with Martin Landau getting a lot of wood. It's The Adventures of Pinocchio. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddak. Eric Siska. Chris Cabino. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, I'm stoked because this is the start of listener request month. well it doesn't mean anything except the cool thing is what I should have said

I haven't even started drinking yet but I guess I'm intimidated because I'm looking at three handsome fuckers back in studio we're back IRL It's very wild We haven't been in person since like early December But you wouldn't know it from the quality

Top notch content we put out every week You would think you know We're doing this is the Adventures of Pinocchio It's the first one You would really think the you couldn't get scarier than the Roberto Benini one you think on its face it can't get scarier than

that yeah no what's that that's he's like wearing little pajamas he is wearing pajamas he's like all like I'm a creepy old Italian guy the whole time he's just saying I'm Pinocchio no that's in the Roberto Benini the first one he's Pinocchio yeah and then he did another one where he's Geppetto

really how does that work law passed in Italy like listen dude you gotta redo that and you got to be fucking Geppetto maybe you could be the cat or something You cannot be Pinocchio anymore You're 65 years old Give it two decades And Luca Guadino

We'll do one where he's the whale Oh That's fucking Italians, man They love this Pinocchio, don't they? They love him They love him And I do not share that Is it like Italian Superman?

It's just like that's what they worship This little fucker Mamma Mia indeed I only watched the Disney animated one Like in its entirety Three weeks ago Ever? Really?

It's good pieces of it here and there I think we had it on tape But I never super paid attention I watched, I grew up with it, I watched, it was probably my favorite Disney for a long time, maybe before Aladdin came out, kind of a deal, like, right? Like, as a kid that's dethroned it real quick. It did. I remember. I had rankings, though, a little kid. Aladdin was for the boys for sure. Like Lion King was for everybody, but like Aladdin is for the boy. Of course. Do you see that Princess Jasmine? Right. No, but it's got Robin Williams. It's a, it's a boy hero doing boy things. They hide like Cox in the, in the, in the movie, right? That was a little mermaid. there was a fucking huge long oh right there's well there was two

the cover of the VHS clamshell case had a couple of like the palace yeah underwater palace things is just huge fucking throbbing

juicy dicks look at that look at that folks this is an animation for you and then like anything in there what is it

the end of the movie when they're getting married and there's a priest and he fucking totally had wood yeah in law

in what do you call it in Aladdin there is take off your clothes There's a moment of that You know why I know that Because an art teacher He loved two things

Taking off your clothes He loved an art teacher He loved Disney movies And the wacky weird sex stuff That went on And getting arrested For blackmailing children

Into making pornography Really? Yeah Oh he went away for a long time So is he out now? He is out Me and my buddy saw Tracked him down

And pushed him down The stairs and killed him Try to get some of his old material That's drag him out At his halfway house We were buying beer years later, and we saw this fucker in a Pathmark, and it was, it was not a good look. I gave this, Stephen. Oh, no, we were like, oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, fuck. But it was just like, dude, and in aisle four, a ruined man.

I mean, it's not as bad as prison, but being sentenced to having to shop at Pathmark for the entire life is pretty bad. The judge decreed it was the only grocery chain you can use. it was a Catholic school Yeah oh yeah All boys Catholic school If you could believe it One of the odds This is the Adventures of Pinocchio

By the way from 1996 Directed by Steve Barron And when I looked at this for the first time I thought it said Steve Bannon And I was like That's an interesting tidbit Oh he slipped one in He wasn't just producing

Oh here's one for hashtag resistance people One of that guy's nose grew With every lie he told Oh man can you imagine His disgusting red alcoholic It was just growing out like that. It would just burst because of all the postules and what have you. It would get in long and red and gross like that.

It would look like Freddie Krueger's dick. Every time you lie, one more vein becomes visible on your face. That was the curse. As I mentioned, this is indeed listener request month, which means a gentle listener requested we talk about this. This was called in from Heidi from Arkansas. Let's listen to what she had to say. Hey, gang, this is Heidi from Arkansas, and I would like to request the Adventures of Pinocchio from the Year of Our Lord 1996.

Don't bring him into this. It is a weird fever dream of a film that I would love to hear y'all's thoughts on. Thank you. Well, thank you, Heidi. That is an amazing request. I'm so happy we're doing this. I feel like I've never seen. I thought I never saw this, but the donkey slide later on.

I feel like triggered something in me that maybe I had seen it. Wow. I mean, it triggered something for me, too. My gag reflex started acting up. I needed to go to a fucking chill-out tent after watching this last night. I needed some orange slices and a glass of ice water to just hang out. It is crazy that this is for children. Oh, yeah.

Never in my life did I think, did I ever think, like, stop and, like, sit and be like, oh, man, did the weed go bad until last night? That donkey slides was. I will say, though, the Disney classic donkey scene is chilling. That's the thing. I definitely saw that movie growing up.

I don't remember many of the details at all. So I guess the donkey thing is in there. And the whale is the whale is in there as well. Wow. I really like the original. I think the original is a good movie. And it's like, what, 63 minutes long? Oh, that's all the God for that.

You're in and you're out. You are ending the route. But like what does the, this fucking abomination have that the Disney one doesn't like the Rob Schneider well obviously JTT but like the Rob Schneider and B.B. Newworth

characters but they were like animals the whole time. Character like I forget him completely in the original I mean there is he is in the original the name is different there's always like a fucking weird pervert that wants to put

Pinocchio in the show yeah we're trying to put this boy puppet to work And then whatever happens in that version, you know, I think you like locks him in a cage. Just like now, you know, you know, kind of a thing. Like, oh, yeah, you're a big star. You want to be a fucking star, don't you? Come on, Pinocchio.

This is what it takes to get to the top. So was Rob Schneider's troll hustler in the original? I'm completely blanking. You know what he looks like in this movie is that fucking Johnny Depp Madhatter. Yes, yes, like those Burton movies, it's disgusting. By the way, I read Udo Kier in the sequel they made in this movie. Yes, there's the new adventures of Pinocchio. Udo Kier plays a woman in that one for some reason.

Not only a woman, his character in this movie Who Dies, that character's ex-wife, it says, on Wikipedia. Yes, I played my own ex-wife in the Pinocchio sequence. Udo Kier having sex with Udo Kier. You know what? I'd watch that for sure. We have a little baby cure. Two Udo's one cup.

I'd like that. Oh, my God. Can I say this movie starts out with the single most disgusting, pathetic production company logo I've ever seen in my life. What, Savoy? No, not the Savoy. The one that comes before Savoy that's like, this is how this got on video. Like, whatever that forgettable company is. It looks like the video store logo, like popcorn video or something like that.

It is awful. And then, yeah, you have Savoy pictures. And I guess the whole story with this was like Savoy was going to put it out. And they fucking just went bankrupt. and dissolved. And so new line of all people bought the movie and put it out it was their first G-rated release.

You know, I kind of get it. It has a certain mask-like energy to it, a manic maniac kind of, like the the cricket, Jiminy Cricket in this one. You mean Pepe? Pepe, sorry.

Has a son of the mask-esque visage. That's true. I mean, this is 1996 total CGI of that cricket is disgusting. It's bad. The other thing that caught my eye on the, you know, opening scroll is like Pangella Holdings. Anytime a holding company is like listed as a production company,

you know shit was tight. Laundry services right there. Exactly. I mean, the funny thing. I got paid and blow. Martin Lando, I won the Oscar, then everything else after that. Paid in blow.

You know, it used to be better. You could get some horse, too. They would do, they would mix it up a little bit for you. But now it's just cocaine, a mountain of cocaine to play this Italian idiot. That's what Hitchcock used to do. They used to give, here's your mix of horse and Coke. Fantastic. I like Downers.

I feel like I've been freaking out on set too much. Oh, yes, you should be scared. ad. I'm so hard. But fuck, dude, you make me realize he's coming off the Oscar playing then. Yes, he is. That's pathetic. It's bad. I mean, look, you should say it's

it's for Edward. Right. Yes. Hell yeah. Everyone remembers the classic line, which is apt here. Pulled the strings. Yeah, totally. Pulled the strings. I would have liked to have seen Martin Landau fighting a giant puppet spider like he does in that movie. Yes. Oh my God. Or Octav. Oh, it's an octopus, you're totally right.

That's right. I did all my own stunts in that movie. And by that, I mean doing my own shots of heroin. Then I laid down in the kiddie pool, fought an octopus pool toy. It took me 40 years, but I went method once and I never looked back. I kept on seeing, I tried to kick it and I kept on seeing a baby on the ceiling. So it begins, Martin Lando has like been shunned. from society. He's in the woods. No, it's something like that. He's like,

something like that. Here's what it is. Jepetto. Jepetto has two hustles going at the same time. One is what we know as like the puppet maker, right? Freak. But then the other thing, because he mentions this at one point where he's like, he's, he said, no, God, it's not Steve's art teacher. No, he says something. I called himself Jepado. That's probably, yeah, because he was the puppet master indeed. Dude, if he was a character from the original Disney Pinocchio, he'd be Monscrow, okay?

All right, Operation Geppetto is a go. We got to take this guy down. Sorry, so two things. Oh, no, because the other thing is he has some line where he's like, after he makes Pinocchio, he's like, yes, you will be able to sit here and watch all of my other

puppets while I am at work. The other work thing is he chops wood and sells it in the marketplace. Because there's that scene where he's like, wood, wood for sale. And then this gang of young boys runs by like, fuck you old man. But pushes it all, like pushes his wheelbarrow over.

Because the cricket is doing the narration at first and he's like, he wasn't like everybody else. He understand. But then he, so he carves his name, this lady we want. This is the past. And he's carving a heart with these names. And you start hearing what young Landau is supposed to sound like. And it sounds like Werner Herzog.

These puppets, they stare back from the abyss And look straight through my soul My love was never accepted in the real world So I took it to the woods And I created a wooden boy What's insane is you come to find out That this man has been so miserable Because he was in love with his brother's wife

Well, this is the problem It's a huge problem for the movie Because it's different than at least the Disney one and even like looking cursorily what the book summary was. It's different than that too. And it's a fine little thing where it's like,

oh, he was in love with his brother's wife and that was love for everybody. But the narraries was like, oh yeah, he was out there and he was carving his name into his name of him and Leona,

name into the wood there. And then it's like, okay. And he's like, and then the woods kept his secret. And I'm like, what the fuck does that be? That's where they buried

the bodies under the tree. That's why I get shunned from. I'm like, what the fuck is that about, man? There's definitely some like layer of druid magic going on in this woods, right? It's also like there's this weird like who frame Roger Rabbit, like his brother died before the movie. Like he's killed by a tune in a different case.

Then start hitting that, fella. What are you doing? I mean, move right in, dude. He's like, oh, he's pining for this woman or whatever. He's just an insult in this movie, right? He's a weird, twisted loner. Thank God. guns hadn't been invented yet.

Oh, yeah. I mean, when you get starts him just fucking yamming at these fucking dolls in his little house. It's insane. But he gets, so he gets the log that will become Pinocchio, much like Homer gets his bat would. You're totally right. Lightning strikes it and

it glows. And he's like, well, I have to take this back. I guess another little friend for me. Oh, man. It's, yeah, he's an insult. He's on Reddit a lot, which means he's writing on trees about fucking tiny can't get laid redwood trees. Yeah.

Oh my God. I heard he carved that puppet himself from a bigger puppet. Which I know is the Homer spoon joke. Yeah, it's still could work. Mary Shelley stole all her ideas.

Oh man. I think the first Reddit post was like fucking Martin Luther on that church store, right? Yeah, totally. That was a rant. That was a Flame War. That isabel Archer. She was a Mary Sue. I don't even know what that is. You carved all that into a tree? Yes. Oh, no, the comment section, the tree is getting smaller and smaller. Dude, so you get a little bit, like, he comes home from getting the magic log and he doesn't know it's magic.

Magic logs, by the way, that's like when a magician takes a shit. make a turd disappear that's what flushing is for yeah exactly make turds disappear every day dude I might say alecazam tomorrow morning you know really yell it dude you gotta really yell it so the whole building

if you had a time machine like bringing around a toilet that'd be a great prop comedy that's true where did it go so he's like talking to these marionettes It is bone-chilling. You're going to shoot up a post office shit. Absolutely.

And so he starts, he's like, oh, it's so cold. I'm going to burn this magic sparkling log that I found. And he throws it on the fire. I would have loved it, which he starts howling. It throws itself out of the fire. And this is, I feel, a case of not an appropriate reaction. He's like, oh, this log just doesn't want to burn. And I was like, no, it threw it, it ejected itself out of your fireplace, sir.

Oh, another living log, the fifth one this week. I'll put it in the back with the other ones. The thing that living log, you want me to stab women in the town square? Okay. I'm sorry, the log told me to. I realize, though, this is a classic case of, like, what you can get away with an animation and, like, what you'll be more forgiving toward an animation versus, live action. And, like, that cartoon

Geppetto, he can talk to puppets all the live long day and it's not weird. Martin Landau, talking to a marionette is fucking terrified. Well, he's also, yeah, in the beginning he's like, oh, you two are fighting, you two puppets are fighting. Gotta keep you apart. And did you see what's going

on there, though, with the keep him apart? And he's doing the two puppets. And it kind of, it's not this, ladies and gentlemen. He's definitely doing it, though. It looks like one of the, but he puts the face of the one puppet and the other. So it looks like it's sucking him off. Yep. He's definitely making these things

fuck. 100%. Oh, you whore. Stop doing that. Stop doing that to your friend. You whore. Stop that. Dude, he gets like a little corkscrew, makes him a little anus. Oh, I'm going to, this weekend we're going to have another puppet wedding. Here you go, down the aisle. Uh-oh, Princess Kashmir's pregnant.

Looks like there's going to be a puppet baby. He starts carving. He probably invented the wood light instead of the front flashlight. No way. You can't be fucking a piece of wood that you hollowed out, dude. Okay. Splitter dick. Okay.

I forgive you for blowing Ferdinand. But you're going to have to be punished, little princess. I'm taking a splinter out of your ass. Oh, and the Duke has to watch. He's a real looky loo that duke. I wonder if you sanded enough, it would be okay. No, but at the same time, maybe he likes the punishment. Oh, that's what I get for not being with Leonardo.

Oh, that's true. You'd really have to lacquer the shit out of that thing. Big time. I lacquered it with my tongue. I can't believe they were kinkshaming all us wood fuckers. All seven of us. There it is. It's going to happen.

We are dendrophiliacs and we are mighty. And there's nothing wrong with that. Go come in the backyard. I got to say, in Benedetta, great, an amazing movie from last year. Oh, love that movie. Love it. The wood dildo really gave me some pause. That was a tense moment.

I was just like, what's going to happen here? Because, you know, like, again, same situation. You got a lacquer the fuck out of that thing? Had they even invented tweezers yet? I don't think so. Yeah, you got to be real careful. I hope Ben and Deneta was real careful with that guy. Everyone else is like, oh, what's sacrilege?

I'm like, holy shit, don't do it. Totally. So you'd prefer, like, a stone mason, like, slowly chiseling. Rubber or marble? I mean, I guess it was too early for rubber, obviously, you know. But people were fucking people with eating. other with wood for eons. I guarantee. Yeah, I guess so. That's fair. I mean, because like, what else, what else is there? I don't know. You ever hear the five things on your hand, man?

They go out of a long ago. But you remember, I mean, the fucking cardinal in that, he, like, when you see him eating, he looks like he's eating twins. Like, I'm like, I'm not expected much from anybody in this. Yeah, it was just a real disgusting way to live overall those those times. I'm glad we have rubber now. Thank God. I'm glad I don't have to fuck a piece of would I can fuck something called the fleshlight that I spent $75 on. Finally, it took this, all this time. We finally have dildos that have like Homer

Simpson's Ed at the end and shit like that. That's cool. What a time to be alive. I want to fucko my pop or fuck it's funco. Funko. There you go. Fucko pop. They should get into that. Fucko pop. Absolutely. They would be making a lot of money with that one. So

he's like, okay, this wood threw itself out of the fire. It wants to be come a puppet. It's trying to tell me something. So he starts plugging away long into the night and terrifying effect right here. He finishes like an arm and it just starts moving. Dude, it was a tool video and I was like, this is not okay.

Now I'm good to sit on it real quick. I am a wooden boy. Better make sure there's enough lacquer on this hand. It's got the hold of my lower intestines. while you're up there

find the last puppet hand I use somehow it's smaller and it's a puppet skeleton up to the side a bit get the bloody gerbil out yes you're hitting my P spot P for puppet I really should have given you fingers this would have made this all much easier oh no

that sounds like the punchline of a jokes. Let's have we get the set of what does a puppet make, oh fuck, what does a puppet maker say when he's done fucking himself with his, with his own puppet? I should have given you fingers. I like it. Just expand. That's good.

That's like Johnny Carson's, what's his name? I just did a Karnak bit. You're telling me. Or yeah, that's a water cooler joke you could use tomorrow at work for sure. Yeah, definitely tell that at work. Definitely. But you notice the cat is orange in this Which is very specific because I feel like they were like

We can't get sued because it's either public domain or it's a we're based on the same novel Right But like iconography stuff we got to be careful because that cat was very famous Figaro the cat from the Disney version is very famously black I think they were like all right you got to be real careful with like what outfit Pinocchio wears you know what I mean Do you think there was even a chance of a lawsuit I mean it's based on like The same situation

I was going to say puppet domain. Oh, it is puppet domain, dude. It's an Italian novel, so who knows. I mean, who knows what's the story? It's an Italian novel from like the 19th century. Yeah, so like, I'm sure it's whatever. Yeah, fucking Mussolini's relatives are still getting royalties on here. But Steve, I think to your point, if they were, if the production design was gearing or like skewing way too close to the Disney production design, I think there may have been beef.

Yeah, exactly. Somebody might have been a little perturbed. Yeah, so they took the, it's a smart. decision. They made it as little entertaining as possible. Just to make a difference between the Disney original. Oh, it's plenty entertaining. Folks at home, you might want to pause this and go

check out this movie to be honest. He's, it's my favorite part of the movie. He's like, he's doing the thing and then he's like, ah, there you are. Oh, there you are Pinocchio. Big blue eyes like your father. Now, let's put a smile on that face of yours. Dude, he tells a puppet to open why. Yeah. Oh, no. And he's

drilling this fucking puppet's mouth. The most chilling part is the cat's like being cute around him or whatever. I was like, oh, I think this puppet might be alive. And like, he just drills a little tiny like pee hole in this thing. Yep. And as a mouth before he gets really going on the mouth. And it exhales all this sawdust. Immediately this thing is alive.

It's creepy as hell. And it's just a weird, like, it's a practical effect. So you barely notice it. But it's just like, like, like, Blando's just got a fucking sawdust facial. Now, Pinocchio, I'm going to put these razor blades in your mouth, too. Gotta make sure a smile stays on that face. This thing comes to life immediately. And I got to tell you, I got nothing but love for the Jim Henson Company.

Sure. They gave me some of the greatest gifts of my childhood. This thing is a fucking abomination. It's awful. It's disgusting. It's reprehensible. And we get to spend 90 minutes with it. It's the dead eyes

It's always the dead eyes And the problem also The second it comes to life Like I don't remember Again it's been a while Since that pervert showed it in my art class That I've seen the Disney one I do want to go back to it

But like I feel like when Pinocchio just wakes up He's like wow hi I'm a real boy As opposed to like this Uh Struggling to form thoughts It's disgusting It's like the eraserhead baby for a minute. It kind of is.

I didn't make that connection. You saying it right now, I'm like, yep, that is a fucking one-to-one. It's kind of like nuke. Remember that movie? It looks a lot like nuke. Yeah. And then you see, I mean, and then Jepetto looks at this absolute abomination that should be burned. And it's like, calling me Papa.

That's when you just are like, okay, this person's insane. can't follow this. And I have to think, right, that even though we are in 19th century Italy, this guy is not a god-fearing Catholic. No. Because if he were, this thing would have been thrown in the fire.

Absolutely. Or chopped up with an axe. You know. Never have I more strongly felt the need for the church than watching. No shit. Can we the noncio to come in here and fucking burn this thing down? He must got, Japanos got rejected by every lady in the city. Yes.

The clergy rejected him Probably because of his wild beliefs No, I'm going to bring The doll with me to church This is my friend Lars The doll will also be ordained, no To that it's his Pinocchio He earned his collar

That's a great sequel Not the new inventions of Pinocchio Father Pinocchio That's right dude And he's just like I can't believe we can't fuck Old Man Pinocchio He's like whittled all

his fingers into points and just like kill people with them. But police, a puppet can't molest children. Oh, someone's going to have to go to another church. It would be excellent if the nuncio from fucking Benadena came into this movie and he was just like, oh my God, I just spent all last week dealing with lesbian nuns. Now I'm dealing with a puppet that somehow became a priest. That'd be great. It would be a bad week for that guy.

I can't stress enough how good that movie is. and where people should see it. Wasn't there something going around about sex scenes? I didn't read the piece. I saw, there was someone, see these things now. They're bitching and a moaning about it.

These things now where we don't want to call out the author, but we want to shit talk their writing. We won't put the who wrote the thing, but it's a clip from it. So I have no idea where it came from. But I think what you might be referring to, there was some article where it was like, New Yorker. Was it the New Yorker?

Of course. I didn't watch the whole thing, but the sex, and it was something like, and the sex scenes throughout, they kept on coming. There's two of them. There's two sexy.

It was like, oh, it was like just, just sexy stuff for men. Also, like, I don't know. I'm pretty sure women found that movie plenty sexy as well. Yes, exactly, exactly. And that shows you the type of numb nuts they put in magazines. It's somebody who's never watched a Verhoeven movie before. Yeah, exactly. But you know what they should do?

Taking a big salary and write about films. It's like somebody being like, you know, that Starship Troopers has some fascistic ideas. I don't like it. I don't think that's good. Yeah, that Hitler, that dog whistle Hitler stuff throughout. Oh, boy, that's problematic. That's for white men. Gee, I don't know.

I watch Paul Verhoeven Zwartbock, you know, black book and the Nazi stuff in that movie. I mean, it had Nazis in it. A likable Nazi. I mean, who puts that in there? So thank you, gentle listener, for getting your film criticism from podcasts where it belongs. Yes, indeed. Yes. We just spent 24 minutes talking about puppet dildos.

This is where you want to get your film criticism. We are liberated, my friends. We're not these repressed nerds writing for the New Yorker. And we're talking about sex puppets too, Steve. That's a good boy. Sex puppets are a big part of our culture. And we, about time, we stop ignoring it. So this is the problem.

You know, it's everyone's everyone's nightmare. You get a brand new dildo. It comes to life and then it walks out your window. That's the terror. Then you're like, oh, fuck. They're going to kill me. This one guy is in this one scene He goes up to some friend

He's like, this puppet boy came to life They're gonna burn me at the steak Dude And the guy, it's kind of hilarious Because the guy, it's actually a kind of funny joke In the movie, the guy's like Well, we don't burn people at the steak anymore, Juppetto They may hang you though

Dude, what a great ending to this It's like fucking, it's like in Hannibal When he hangs the Italian guy What's his name? Oh, the dude Oh man Giancarlo Gianini Giaini when he fucking

He hangs him from the window And he cuts his stomach open And all the shit falls out Yep That's what they would do to Jepetto Wasn't there a guy back in like history times I don't know when History times

Yeah Where he like his mother died or something So he like powdered her body out with straw And like made a death mask To preserve her in the bed And I think he was also fucking it Are you remembering Midsomar No

Are you thinking about William Faulkner's A Rose for Emily Maybe or maybe it's his history story times where I'm thinking of this. You're talking about Robert Block Psycho? Because there's a lot of weird, everything that's happened. Are you talking about Stan Lee's X-Men?

Talking about, yeah, that's right, Bub, my mother died and I hollowed her out. Put a bunch of stuffing in her. That's right, Bub. I think this happened somewhere, and I'm just thinking, like, wouldn't it be great if that thing came to life? Oh, yeah. A dead straw mother that's full of

cum, that's running around. Dead straw mother full of come. Yeah, I think that would frighten me as well. It doesn't necessarily fit on a poster, though, so you need to work that title. That's more of like an Italian, Japanese title. You get a whole sentence up there. Here, this will help for Reddit people. Well, read kind of to the father.

So it's a straw man. Oh, there you go. The straw man. You'll never escape the straw bad. You won't win an argument against the straw bad. Coming in a theater near you. Yeah, it is coming in a theater. So the puppet does escape

And he's like All of a sudden it's like The Godfather part two This thing's fucking up on the roof And again he still isn't talking So he's following this pigeon I'm going I think the problem is

The pigeon is like one of the first noises he here So he's like Because the pigeon's like Choo Choochoochoo! And he's like It thinks it's a pigeon It tries to fly off the roof I gotta tell you

Puppet suicide attempt A plus. Wonderful stuff. I was loving that. And what's crazy though is like this puppet jumps off this roof brings down all this laundry. All these Italian ladies are freaking out. But no one is freaking out about the fact that it's a fucking puppet walking around. And that happens throughout. A little kids are like, hey, Woody. Yeah. Like, of course, there's just a woodman. I mean, the kids, at least I understand it a little bit. I mean, like, kids are, yeah, they're just going like, whatever, you know. But like, an adult needs to stop. Or I guess what they're doing,

they just like see a kid run by and they're like, oh, whatever. But here's the thing though, dude. Known puppet weirdo in the village, Geppetto, all of a sudden walking around holding hands with a kid, I got to investigate puppet or no. That's the problem, I think, is they took, I think in the original, he's in the town at least.

He's not Kaczynskiing. He's not out in the middle of fucking nowhere with these dolls. Recycling is fake. Like, that's a huge issue. Like, the loaner is the problem. If he's just in the town, it makes sense. Well, he, isn't he in the town of this? He's a loner.

I think he is. I think he's in the middle fucking nowhere. He is. He's a couple clicks away from town. Oh, okay. It's a bit of a walk. Okay. Oh, is it?

Oh. It's a little shack. Wait, but hang on a second, though. So then this puppet jumps out that window and makes its way to town to only then get up on the rooftop? No, well, isn't they, doesn't go school first? No, no, school after. All right, let's split the difference.

He's in the outskirts of 10. He's at the border. But no, see, it falls in all this underwear and this woman Leona, who is his one true love, this is actress. So I've seen in some stuff. I forgot her name. Oh, we should quickly mention while Steve looks that up,

that he was bathing in his clothing. Oh, we forgot about that. We forgot about that. Martin, here's the thing. Jepetto, you know what? We're all going to get old. Everyone's going to need assistance. You know, he can't live on his own.

dude, he's taking a bath in his clothes? I got a theory on this. It's, um, if I'm good to wash, why not also wash my clothes? Dude, that's exactly what Chelsea said. She was like, maybe he's just doing his laundry. Yeah. No, it's a very thin. It's thin. And you could definitely make out his dick.

You can't the audience. But I would imagine in the water. And the puppet is like eyeballing his crotch for a good, that's the reason why. That's why he's wearing these long johns is because, and again, I would just rewrite the scene where he's not in the bath at all. But I think they're like, oh, this old man, you know, one wants to see naked martin lead down in the puppet. Do you think he carved in his dick? Foley water or no.

Did he carve it in a dick? There's no schvance. So when it becomes a real boy, does it have no dick? That's a great. Maybe that's what he's been really pining. That's the thing. What a terrible thing for the young ladies watching this back in the day. Jonathan Taylor Thomas, no dick.

I'm made of wood, but I have no wood. Yeah. Father kill me Father kill me That's the Donnie Darko line What's the point of living If you don't have a dick Maybe that's what this puppet thought

Can't you just little one and like Glue it on Hold it still I'll glue some Walnuts What am I supposed to do with this bump You explain that to me What am I supposed to do with the bump Have you tried rubbing the bump

The crazy thing though Is that the puppet's naked When he gets in the time Yes He is So I think that was also It's not so much seeing Martin Landau's butt cheeks. I think it's more he was like, we can't have this nude old man and then a nude puppet

that's designed to look like a child. And they made such a big deal out of birth. What a bunch of shit. Sexists is what I say. So Steve, what is this lady's deal? Her name is Genevieve Bujold. She's in Dead Ringers. She's in rules. She's in a ton of stuff. She's in the house of yes. She's in, which is a movie my wife loves and watches every Thanksgiving because she's a legit maniac. What is that movie? That's the movie. Parker Posey. It's like, it's based on a play. It's a pretty good movie. Yeah. Uh, where in, uh, Parker Posey and Josh, the other one from eighth grade. Josh Hamilton. Yes. Are, uh, like, their siblings, but they're in love and they play, uh, you would love this movie, Eric, because they play Jackie and Jackie and, uh, JFK. And they have a gun involved. They shoot each other in their head. You'll have to watch the movie to find out. I guess I can't wait for

Thanksgiving. Are they step siblings? Oh my friend they're the real deal but they're sucking and fucking we don't know the movie is

quite about that yeah but so that means yes so this is a holiday film in your house no it takes place over Thanksgiving Tori spelling is also involved what if Donna

was it an independent movie what if Donna ventured into American independent cinema it didn't go well so no independent spirit of

No, I don't believe so, sadly. But so, Genevieve Bujol plays the mother and that. She's in this as well. And she's good. She's like, oh, Jepetto, get my underwear off this puppet's head. And I'm like, could we not talk about underlady's undergarments in this puppet? Yeah. When the clothing line comes down, to establish that this is a vibrant European city, there's a fat guy singing. Dude, this guy, Luigi.

This guy, Luigi, looks exactly like Paul F. Tompkins. Yes. Like a much larger Paul F. Tompkins. An early 90s Paul F. Tompkins. Oh, my brother of a Mario, Princess a cup. The bouser a bumsar back, and then a sock falls in his mouth

because earlier in the film, someone said put a sock in it. Oh, that's true. That puppet got him to shut up. And she's like, oh, some baby died of childbirth here. You can take its clothes. I don't know.

But that's what she pretty much means. But you know that's happening. Exactly. Oh, the fucking stillbirth and fucking cholera, whatever else. is going on. The fucking infant mortality rate is through the roof at this town. At the time childbirth was the number one reason

to die. I mean that's like the first one on top of the infant infant death mortality rate is probably was as bad then as the United States is now. That's number one. Look up the numbers folks. Not good. Pretty bad. Another thing, just the

failure of these special effects. So like after he is clothed I guess Martin Landau is like not sweating it as much so he's like we'll take a walk through the town, Pinocchio. And it's like Martin Landau and holding hands with his puppet, but like to get around all the

Disney people, both the puppet and Landau are in this really bad composite shot. Yes. So like Martin Landau isn't looking at any of these people in the town square that he appears to be greeting. So if you watch it, Martin Landau makes basically the same uncomfortable facial expression

like three times. Because he's not looking at anything. He's pretending to walk down a street with a puppet. It's nice to meet you Jaja Binks Oh, I've never been to Sin City before. You don't have a wooden boy? He's supposed to

have flesh a boy, not a wood. Stupid. Someone should have raspberry this little abomination, that's for sure. Baby Newark and Rob Schneider, see this puppet. And again, like, no one else is throwing up. No one else is like, holy fucking shit,

The church is alive. You know what I mean? It's what I would say if I saw this living puppet. Oh, this is a definite there is no God situation. Yes, for sure.

And so none of that happens. But like they have like, everyone's just kind of chill with it. But for some reason, they have dollars in their eyes kind of a thing. Yeah, I mean, because there's just,

there's some people, you know, that look at puppets that came to life. Yes. And doubt the existence of God. And then there's others that see that and they're like, how can I make some coin off this?

Yeah, where's nightmare alley? Let's put this boy up. Well, speaking of nightmares, I mean, this ball, Pinocchio was playing with a ball that some other kid had

when he meets Rob Schneider and Baby knew it. And it's kind of like M. I was thinking about this today. Like the ball goes up and then you get the reveal of Rob Schneider. Yeah, dude.

There's a fucking serial killer right there. I can't go to jail. He was a puppet the whole time. I'm getting off Scott Free. Turned out it was a Cursed puppet. Somebody put a pee on my jacket. I'm like, okay, good job, funny man.

This is an impression of your teacher, right? Yeah, they are. I'm just trying to go to Pathmark for some hungry man dinners. And I look up and who's buying beer but a gaggle of my old sexy students and I scream down the frozen food aisle. Hey Steve and other assorted friends

Do you know that when that one part in the Lion King Where the Lion lays down and all the flowers fly out It spells six What I'm getting arrested again We watched that in class dude I'm not kidding I'm not kidding Frame by frame in it Yeah he's like oh this is the funny part

It's like ha ha ha Anybody think it's something other than funny Anyway I got home And I assume those people put up pee on my jacket for Pathmark which is where I do all my shopping now he thought it was like a Costco membership or something I hope I get a 20%

discount oh great now I have to wear the same jacket every time I go grocery shopping yeah so I think the Pathmark might be only a Northeast thing so just just for everyone else in the country imagine the DMV with cold cuts that's in your area it might be known as Aldi

it might be the The absolute worst grocery store chain. You know the dollar bin for CDs at your car wash? Imagine that as a grocery store. And that's about where we're at here, folks. Yeah, we got food deserts are a real problem. Oh, yeah. Man, how about Cetown?

Ooh, that's a bad guy. That's what we got here. Suck shit. But a step up from... Comparatively, yeah. It's been a while for a pathmarked me. Maybe I've got to do a little field trip. I can go back.

So whatever, he, the, the Bibi New Earth and Rob Schneider, see this puppet. They're like, oh, what, you know, Lanzini or whatever, Udo Kier's character will pay big bucks for this thing. Totally. Top dollar. Like Udo Kier is like, yeah, Lorenzini, the fucking puppet master in this town. He's got a whole theater. Chepetto's just got a stupid shop. And I mean, you would think that this would be pretty profitable for Chepetto.

like hey man I supply you with the puppets you know you get a lot of money yeah exactly but what's crazy it's like it's a puppet theater yeah it's like a big ornate theater when I think puppet show I think it's on the street yeah yeah where belongs you kind of a thing yeah it belongs Chippetto and Linguini or whatever the fuck his name is Laurenzini Laurenzini yes have some respect no uh like this is incredibly well funded this theater because they make this ship like Geppetto would have to take a year off to make this shit that they have on the stage here

That's true Maybe that's what it is He doesn't work fast enough Chris Yeah We meet him And he's like Yeah His thing is he likes chili peppers

And he could breathe Fire because of it Oh I didn't put that together Oh dude It's oh my God Later in the movie When Pinocchio is working for him Yeah

He's like doing the breath of the dragon That I recall But it's from his breath. His actual, Udo Kier eats a ton of chili peppers blows into the dragon that makes the fire. He can breathe fire in this movie.

I thought he was doing the like, you put a little, like, booze in your mouth and spit it out. No, no, no. He bites a chili pepper. You know, this first thing, the first thing you see him do is he bites it and he burps and it's like a big, not a flame, but like gaseous kind of. It's a big flame. I mean, it's full cartoon shit. How did I fucking

miss this? Put down the pipe, dude. I guess not a bad tip. There was a thing, bad editing decision right before we meet Udo that I had to call out because we were deprived of some real cinematic greatness here

where like Bibi Newworth and Rob Schneider like their whole thing is they're just kind of like bickering the whole movie and he says something stupid and I think it's B.B. Newark in response to it goes and punches him in the face

but it cuts away before you have the blissful image of Rob Schneider getting punched in the face? How dare you, movie? That's how you know it's a bad director, who doesn't know what your audience wants. No. And I mean, if you... Thundrous applause, by the way, if that happened. Oh, yeah. If you get a full

like contact, totally. Beautiful. But like, so in case you were wondering if this character is bad or not, her name is Villanette. Uh-huh. Yes, we're going to get creative with this one. And what was Robert Schneider's? Vlope. Volpe, I think.

Volpe or something? Volper. Look, I don't want to make a name for you. You're disgusting. You're maybe. Maybe. So Pinocchio goes to school. And this is an interesting scene. This is where we get is one of the only scenes where he lies and his nose grows. And this is just a full on him getting an erection in class. Yes. So I want to posit to you guys. Erection in school stories. Go. Chris Cabin. I don't think I have one. I have one. I to think about it here. Well, I think, you know...

Do you have one? Do you have one keyed up? Not like a, not like a, you know, I think there was, you know, when you're a young developing boy, you know, you know, thank God that, that desk is glued to the chair. Sure. So you can just fucking hammer into that and it'll go down. All right, now you go. You know what, dude, I literally got nothing to- Okay, now you go. I don't, okay, here's the thing.

I do have one, but I can't, I realize when I went to. to answer you, I was about to be conflating two different stories. I think you have to change the names for the people involved. You'll get the old censor sound effect. The names have been changed to protect the innocent and honor the dead. No, there was a thing where it was

like I got called up to the front of the class to do something on the chalkboard. And you wrote with a different piece of chalk that day. Yeah. But I was terrified because it, listen, sometimes it just flares up. You never know.

And so, like, I was fucking hard as a rock, just sitting in class for no particular reason. And then it was like, Mr. Jupin come up and, maybe it was math. It was like, fill out the whatever. Yeah. And I was wearing track pants. Oh, that's the worst. And I was like, they're going to

fucking see my throbber through the track pan. So what I did to really throw him off the trail was I bent forward and was walking like a fucking old man. Yes. I had my ass kind of. it out? Because I was like, if I just bend out that way, they're not going to

see the schvance going forward, you know, but I probably look like a total weirdo anyway. I think I probably did that once, actually. That helps you hone your comedic, funny walks. A very good way to hone your comedic skills. That's true. It's hiding your boner. That's the root of all

comedy. Yes, it really is. I was going to say, like, having a bonner in class, that's most of class after 15. Any class you're in, I was mostly like, physics, you don't say, huh? Hawaii Tropic. The physics

of these nuts, huh? But he's playing out out Lampwick, a Pinocchio mainstay. The bad boy, the Pinocchio. Really? Okay. Yeah, it's the same. Yeah, he's the one that he also meets in the cartoon. He's the same name there.

But in this, uh, in this classroom, was that, is this part of the classroom? Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. Because I was going to say eventually he, uh, he sneezes. on the teacher. There's another sawdust cum blast. Yeah, totally serious sawdust facials in this movie. They're like full around.

He keeps calling him Woody. Because, you know, and... You catch you this is? What? You catch you this is? Oh, no, I don't. The actor's name is Corey Carrier. He was young Indiana Jones.

Oh. But you know... But young, young Indiana Jones. From the... Sorry, from the television program. The surviving Indiana Jones. No, no, no. But the other young Indian Jones was...

Sean Patrick Flannery. That was like young Indiana Jones. Television program. Yes. Yes. Was Sean Patrick Flanning as well? I think there might have been a couple of different. Maybe he was at the youngest version of him.

Am I nuts? I'm just remember because I. We just talked to My Blue Heaven a couple weeks ago. He's one of Joan Kusack and Daniel Stern's kids. Oh. He's the elder kid. So then what? Because I think you're right.

But I also think that I think we're both right here. of Young Indiana Jones from 92 to 2008 has Sean Patrick Flannery as Indiana Jones and I'm going to assume this kid is also Henry Jones Jr. I see so like I think when like as a little kid he's he's Henry Jones Jr. It's like probably his learning stuff. And then he flashes forward. And he's like 19 as Indiana Jones. Okay. So that kind of tracks because I was like if that show started before this movie was made, this kid was really little and you're right. Obviously. on Patrick Flannery because I was like he was of course much older on that show. Now that makes sense. Okay, of course, he's one of the kids from Bushwhacked as well. Oh, yeah. We're going through them. And what really made me laugh when I was

looking at his IMDB, he played Richard Nixon. Yes. Yes. 12 years old in 95's Nixon. I hope he does a Hopkins impression is. Is that an Oliver Stone movie? It is. Yeah, that's right. I have never seen it because the runtime is daunting, but I

kind of want to. It's really good. I never checked it out and it definitely was like a two VHS tape situation. Yeah, it was very do. Didn't all of us don't have to do that? I think even that piece of shit, heaven and earth had a double tape. He loved the double tape. He loved the double tape. Even of heaven

and earth, there's some great grocery store scenes to loop back to the pathmark. No, because she like gets to America and it's like, oh my God, look at all this shit. No empty shelves back that. No, I'm glad. Samuelio Jones is like,

get the beef over there. I want to get that beef. They get to rough housing and the teacher asked did you punch this kid in the face? He's like, no, I did it. And his nose grows and his nose grows some more.

Here's the thing though, again, Professor, did you get a notification from the school that there was a new student? Yep. And when you're looking at this supposed new student, do you recognize that it's a wooden doll?

And when the knows begins to grow like that. Why aren't you? Why aren't you screaming? I would kill it. As a teacher back then, you could kill anything you wanted. Or just like really nail this fight.

Punch this kid in the face. Oh, well that might hurt your hand. Set him on fire. This little wooden thing is laughing like a dolphin lying in your fucking classroom. The laugh we got to mention. Is that a Woody Woodpecker thing? What is this?

I think it's like he's poorly trying to mimic the laugh. He saw a kid and he's like the predator. Yeah. Yes. Want some candy? Want some candy? I think that, I mean, it's Woody Woodpecker S because it is kind of like a ha ha ha ha ha. But it's not a ha ha ha ha.

Yeah, there's no rhythm to it. It's just like. You see our laugh goes. Vanilla ice is. Pinocchio. But the thing is the chalk gets in his nose and he sneezes on the teacher blasts him full all let's call it. It's a cum shot. Yeah. It's a

completely covered. And then he leaves kind of in disgrace. He goes back to Geppetto. This is one Udo Kier shows up to Jepetto's workshop and he's like, well Geppetto, let me see all of your greatest new puppet. This is a weird scene and it's like he hides Pinocchio because he knows what's going on

and it's like it kind of reminded me of the scene in E.T. where they're hiding him in the closet with all the other dolls. And it's like Udo Kier investigating like this shelf of all these puppets or whatever. It's kind of great. Why did you take these puppets? He's like, I said no

about these like last year man. Tells you our friend Jepetto's in a little bit of a puppet slump. He is absolutely. Let me ask you, Jepetto. Do you have any with a penis something. Do you have any? Okay. How about the pulse?

I'll take one with a pulse if no penis. I think this is the great bakery disaster happens now. He escapes basically like he follows a bug out of window. Because he's a dumb piece of shit. And this is the bakery thing with

Don French and I got to tell you if you're a Don French completist that's a tough road. Who's this? French and Saunders. there's a lot of highs there certainly a lot of highs a lot of lows too a lot of lows

I mean getting through this requires some kind of brain damage I mean any smart person would walk out the theater or turn it off during this scene specifically that's true well because now this it descends into complete madness and more cum blasts or whatever

but this thing eats and it enjoys he's eating? Yeah, where's it going? Because we know he doesn't have lungs. Does he shit Lincoln lungs? Boop. Now, Jepetto, do you have one with an asshole that can eat as well? I'm working on it. I'm working on it. You could eat the ass or it eats and has an ass. So you want it done in a week or two weeks. No, no, no. Him to me. Okay. but like he you know

this big setup with Don French and her husband it's like oh this is the greatest cake we've ever made it's gonna get us so much money and like you know what's it was like the magistrate's birthday's cake also though she's pride and I'm glad their business is destroyed yes because they are bragging about how she's ripping off this customer I can't believe it and it's the magistrate

you don't rip off the magistrate you could call what was going to happen in terms of the pastures are going to get rid of the business. Sure. What is actually on screen? I don't think anybody was going to call. This, it's just like fluffy cum cream all over this fucking puppet's face

for like what has to be a full minute or two. It's disgusting. And it's big of these little puppets like, oh. Because it's still, it's still talking complete sentences yet. So it's just like, oh. It's an, eh. Its entire mouth is caked in this white icing, which quite looks like cum.

We'll put a photo on our Instagram. Yeah, we will. At a WHM podcast, look at those com picks. It's quite something. I mean, shit's going to get flagged. Couldn't make a cherry pie for me. Couldn't just make a fruit like fucking tart. Chocolate.

I mean, it would look like shit, but even better, you know. Yeah. Yeah. But it's just really gross. And it just, you know, he's like, nah, I'm not. And she's like, oh, stop eating all my cakes. And then, like, he goes to the other cake. He's like, this is good, too.

Nom, yum, yum. I mean, it's the wetness of the sound of the chewing. I mean, it is, it kind of is like the sound effects from Benedetta. It's a lot of wet wood in both films. And the cake goes everywhere. And then this is when Pinocchio gets pinched, gets arrested. As does Geppetto, though. They both are going down for this.

Good. He's like, oh, shit, my puppet. What's crazy, though, is Pinocchio, I don't think, he doesn't visit Chappetto in prison, but there is a thing where he's, like, looking at Jepetto, like, through a window or something,

and it's like, good night, Papa. Yes, and I'm like, don't. Please don't. That's right, you know, Jepetto gets arrested. Pinocchio is just sort of sent on his way. He cheeses it.

He gets out of there and he runs back to the house and hides. At what point does the fucking cricket show? It's right here. This is the only, like, opportunity the movie has to introduce Pepe the cricket because, yeah, Jepetto gets pinched and Pinocchio runs back to the house and this is where this fucking thing comes in

the absolute worst, worst CGI. It's 1996 and it's bad. And crickets have to have lips now, I guess. This was a wild, this mouth. How else would I kiss him? Of course. Little kisses for my bug friend. And for no reason at all,

this Wallace Sean did a voice track was he in the trailer too which I did watch really he's in the trailer he's in the trailer he's in the it must have been like a last second for some reason we're cutting Wallace on some contractual dispute or something it's gonna cost you extra I don't why would why would Wallace Sean get cut

I don't get it but then also you replace him with the guy who was Bosley on Charlie's Angels who wound up voicing grandpa pickles on Rugrats and it is he does a bad job we can say It sucks shit. It totally sucks shit. And also, like, if you were a Rugrats fan at any point, you hear this fucker throughout

this movie. You're just waiting for Grandpa Pickles. And then you wish you were watching Rugrats, which was better than this movie. Yeah, we were going to use Wally's track, but then, I mean, we didn't listen to him full. Right at the end, when he's supposed to goodbye to Pinocchio, there's this whole thing about the Korean War. That's the only track we recorded. I don't know how we let it slip, but like, yeah, I don't know how.

But yeah, we got to get somebody new. Sorry, we got two weeks. This movie's got to get out. It's a summer movie. This is a summer movie, too. It's like June or something. It's going to be a blockbuster. Okay.

Epe. But so he's like, oh, hey, Pinocchio. How's it going? I'm your conscience. I just hate this. It's bad. It's so fucking much. Okay, yes, he did.

He died the year later. Good. Sorry for laughing at this guy's death. He died pretty young. 67. That's a bummer. He died February 26, 1997.

and so we can say this performance is shit now. You know, he's not going to come after us. Yeah, he does have a Twitter account to yell at us. But right after he befriends Pepe Pepe the Cricket here, this is where the fucking gendarme, well, it's not a gendarme, it's Italy. Italian police officers come in

and are banging down the door and Pinocchio gets arrested. Can you imagine being a beat cop and it's like, yeah, we got an APB. for a puppet you should be considered armed and dangerous Mario you touch it I think if I touch that thing I'm going to hell I'm almost certain of it I'm almost certain of it it's a lot like a chucky movie you're right yep or yeah I'll go to know if it's going to steal my soul I don't know it's going to happen it will definitely because that's the thing is it probably stole someone else's soul at some point you la la give me the power I beg of you that's a great idea

though dude maybe not for the puppet but if you had to fucking axe that Wally Sean performance. Brad Duriff was right there. That's true. Hey, Pinocchio. Get Michael Myers, but make sure he does it Scottish. Oh, Jesus. That costs you a couple million bucks. If that had happened, though,

you're making this movie, so he probably recorded that voice track in like 95. Maybe that could have prevented Shrek because they'd be like, dude, you did the Scottish thing in that fucking Pinocchio movie. Well, he did the Scottish thing as fat bastard, and he's still Yeah, but that's a live action.

After, right? After Shrek? No, no, that's before Shrek, but yes. No, it's around the same time. No, because it's not in the first movie. Because the first movie is 97. Fat Fassers, 2001. That's which is after Shrek. Which is a, but. Is Shrek at the same year? Shrek's 2000, I think. That sounds right to me. Okay. Better look it up, Eric, because

Gen Z will correct us on the internet. That's true because, uh, see, you kids, you look stuff up. Yeah, we're spitball in here. Yeah. And guess what? Getting it fucking right. Let me look. Trex, Trex 2001.

Okay. But I think Austin Powers is 99. But Fat Master isn't in the first Oscar Power's not the first one. Is Spy or Shagmi 99? It is. Oh, how do you say that? Okay, you're right. I think first Austin Powers is in 97.

Yes. Yes. Okay. And Gold Member 2002. Yes. That is a good call because that sequel fucking stinks of the aughts to me. Oh, yeah.

It kind of, it predicted the arts. You know what I mean? It just sort of like. The Spy who Shagmi? Yes. I haven't rewatched the sequels. I rewatched the first one. I think it still holds up. I think it's a good comedy.

I just can't. It's hard for me to watch those sequels. All right. Now that we're talking about it, everybody saw that Super Bowl commercial. Yeah. I fell asleep before it happened. Whatever you're talking about. You didn't see the Austin Powers commercial? I woke up in LA ones. No, no, I didn't see the Austin Powers. I don't even remember what it's fucking for. It's GM. It's like electric cars and because there's only two kinds of commercials. Electric Cars are crypto this year. That was what's funny.

The tagline is like, like, evil no more. And I'm like, are you just like being like, yeah, we're General Mortars. We're like the most evil company in the world. Well, I think maybe they're talking about the former stigma. I understand, but like also General Mortars being horrible. But no, also just to say that stigma, that they definitely were helping fucking further. Yes. See the outdated documentary who killed the electric car.

Yeah, it's, I mean, and that's horrible. That's a bad. Mike Myers, which I talked a lot about Mike Myers on this podcast, Peak Show. And it was before that. And I wish that that had happened because it's like I just, it just sort of changed my opinion on him all over again. So does he like, he's like a, what is he like, uh, what is he like, uh, puffy and weird looking? He's puffy and weird looking. And it's just sort of like do it.

And that's the thing too. It's like it's, let's do all the old jokes, all the old jokes. Didn't he just do a Wayne's World commercial? He did. And that's all he does now is Super Bowl commercials. Like the last Oscars, I think it was in Uber Eats. It was Uber Eats. It definitely was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you see when Dana Carvey gets dressed up as Garth Algar now, he just looks like an old lady. Yeah, kind of weird. See, that's the type of stuff they'd be raving about in the New Yorker. So he's on trial for his life. Yeah, Geppetto, Pinocchio is on trial for being a puppet. Geppetto's on trial for assessor to be in a puppet.

This is a... With a tent to puppet. Oh, that's a felony. You do this for pervert stuff, right, sir? Yes. The sea, the pervert stuff. I love her the pervets stuff. He comes out in the head of a lecture out there.

Did you breastfeed that puppet? Toughened your nipples, didn't it? Love your suit. Yes, I gave her the puppet an asshole. It's very important. He eats. 5.4. 130 pounds.

All right. So now Udo Kier is like, I will pay the debts to society that this piece of shittos. 20,000 lira, he's fine for destroying the bakery. 20,000 liars to the bakers and 10,000 of the court. So, which is your life plus two at the time. So three years in debtor's prison, which he's spared by by Udo Kier. Thank you, sir, do whatever you want to this abomination. Debtors prison, which we now call prison. Yes, yes.

oh man drop the debtors it's cleaner weird bit of casting turn up here in this movie the guy playing the judge is an actor he's a Belgian actor named Jean-Claudezreau he's the main character

in Agnes Varda's Le Bonaire really he's the guy Charles something I think is the character name kind of a weird like you're watching Adventures of Pinocchio and here's a dude who worked with Agnes Varda very weird I wonder where they filmed

this for tax purposes. It was the Czech Republic, I think. Yep. It's pretty close enough. It's not too bad of a flight probably. No, dude. You get all that fucking Czech Republic tax breaks and whatnot? They got a bunch of abandoned castles over there and

shit. It was like half a Chernobyl that happened. It wasn't a full one. It wasn't a full one. Okay, so calm down. Dude, and so like, the deal though is Udo will pay off the 30k Lira if Pinocchio is his. And so Landau, because he knows he will die in that fucking prison.

Oh, yeah. He's desperate to escape the clink. So he starts giving this puppet the Harry and the Henderson street. Yeah, he does. And it's just like, get out of your puppet. Nobody wants you anymore. Yeah. The puppet's like, okay. I don't think that Jonathan Taylor Thomas does a great job as Pinocchio. No, he sucks shit. he did you know the the iconic lion king voice it's good you know what i mean but that's like you know i think that he's directed with an inch of his life there you know what i mean like you're really now you're saying it this way guncocks in the background we'll do it 400 times and you'll get it right because it's disney you're you're doing this for nazi king walter disney don't you fucking this is just new line

cinema so we get a little taste of what lorenzini's puppet show is like we've kind of already talked about it yes this big adorned you know, theater, gorgeous shit, you know, probably would be landmarked these days. There's a boat, there's a giant, a puppet giant, which is kind of interesting. Let's look at Monty Python bit kind of thing. Yes, yes. Oh my God, the

feet. Actually, and Udo Kier looks exactly like Baron von Munchaus. He does. Oh, interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He, you know, there's a song to and basically Pinocchio kills it, right? Yon just going fucking ape shit. You get what's going on with this singing, though?

Look at this? No. So this isn't JTT singing. This is Brian May. What? Singing the song and then they sped it up and like changed the pitch to make it sound like JTT was singing it. Weird. It's fucking strange as hell.

And I read that on the trivia before it happened. And when you hear it, you're like, oh, definitely. Oh, weird. You're like, oh, that's definitely an adult singing that was modulated to sound like a child. I mean, I knew it definitely wasn't JTT, but because that kid doesn't have any talent. Just a repository for bad ideas This whole movie Like Jesus

One wrong turn after the next He kills it and like he's like Living it up in the backstage Like at the intermission I guess And like Lawrence he's like Oh you did wonderful my boy take this He's like he's some gold coins for you Yeah

Good job and like And like And like you know The fucking cricket comes in Yeah he's like Kill everyone burn it down Because he's like Oh you know

I applaud is fleeting, Pinocchio, not like the love of your father. And I'm like, I don't know, dude. Give him something they'll remember for the rest of their lives. Remember Pinocchio, we all die alone. So like, Pinocchio.

I don't know, man, I just fucking, I'm a puppet. Now people are clapping for me. Can I have one minute, you fucking crack it? No, but then with all of his puppet, all of his puppet strength which doesn't make any sense whatsoever. He's able to pull down other puppeteers from the ceiling.

of this from the rafters. So let's set it up. So it's going to be the last act is the draft he's got to slay the dragon. Right. And the dragon are going to burn Geppetto's dingy-ass puppets as a final fuck you to Jepetto.

Sounds cool. We're just like an inside, I guess it's like an inside puppeteer's joke like a couple people in the audience. Like, oh, those are Jepto's. Oh my God. Did you see what Lorenzini did to Jepetto's puppets? We'll be talking about this

in Puppet Weekly for quite some time. Looking pretty tarnished if you'd ask me. Oh, my God. I don't think everyone in the audience got that, but I got it. Puppet Weekly. It's just an extension of the New Yorker. No, but, but he's about to burn these down.

And the guy, the fucking cricket's like, those are your brothers and sisters. You can't let them burn. And I'm like, I don't know, dude, those are non-sent puppets and I'm a sentient puppet. Totally different things. Talking cricket, the assumption that all puppets are related.

It's pretty bad. Okay, cricket. So instead of letting two fucking dry pieces of wood burn, I'm going to take down a whole crowded auditorium. Oh, God, yeah. And then he pulls those people down from the rafters. One of them falls and changes the trajectory of the dragon where Udo Kier is eating peppers and spraying his lava mouth into.

And it sets the entire theater on fire and we're all going to hell tonight. It's a great white show. Three people are dead. I guarantee that I did I beat you? Ah, you beat me right to that great white joke. We love it over here. You knew this was going to be an advanced level episode, right? First one back in a while where we're carefree and fancy.

We're the boys on Jackass Island coming up. Not Jackass the film, but the Jackass is in the movie. Johnny Knoxville is not in this movie somehow. There is a great thing before this fucking blazes set in this auditorium. it's when Udo Kier is like You've been great tonight, my child You've been so great And he gives him the coins or whatever

He pulls out, he's like champagne Oh yeah And I was like, you're gonna give this pop and booze That doesn't happen But then Pinocchio just goes I love being a star And I was like, you're gonna whip out That little wooden dick in the dressing room

I'm a fucking star I'm a fucking star I don't need you Laurenzini I got my album to work on and my karate I've got big things in me I can do big things I can do anything I want to do

Get that kernel away from me You've got the touch You've got the power All right Me and Pinocchio We'll leave your recording studio You have the master tapes But we own the magic

That's on those magic tapes I'm getting it there I'm getting there Don't worry I'm working on it I almost got it Hang on a second I got to pull over and visit my friend's house Motor Red

What's your prize for puppets? Big bird is Alfred Molina. It's a snap. Snap. It's another snap. We're snapping. Motor end. Do you like my bathroom? Philb Seymour Hoffman crying in the corner.

So yeah, it burns down. Such a fucking puppy. Oh, my God. We want what's in the fucking floor safe. They're not leaving until we get what's in the fucking floor save. These guys made business. Would you be my mother? See, we could do Sesame Street.

There you go. Oh, great thing to, before they run of the theater, Pinocchio's foot catches on fire. And I was like, singe this fucker. Does this thing feel pain? No, I don't think so. It gets shot on boy, this boy carnival that's run by

John Wayne Gasey and Udo Kier. He gets shot through. And then he's, he still laughs about it. He plays his body like an instrument. And this is another case of where JTT when he becomes corporeal in the end should have no dick and he should be

have like five gunshot wounds. That would be amazing. I'm a real boy. And then he's wearing this white shirt and then like little blood splats come through. Oh, that dude great. Dude, M. Night Shyamalan's Pinocchio, definitely there's the twist. Yes, you're a real boy, but now you have real pain. Here's a question.

Speaking of things that would happen to this puppet, this puppet's getting wet and off a lot. And what's going on with the wood rod here? Water log, too, man. Right, yeah, just like warp wood, right? Yeah, it's a problem. When he's running away somehow or another, he winds up just floating down a river. I remember as a little kid, I had a speaking of Sesame Street, I had a stuffed animal of Supergrover, my favorite thing in the world.

Big old stuffed animal. I took it in the bath. That thing was dead for the rest. It was just like waterlog. It was like bouncy and boy, that it was just like literally like a core, like, it looked like fucking Twin Peaks. What's her name? Laura Palmer. Laura Palmer. Just in a plastic bag, Supergrover.

Oh, man, you killed Supergrover. We'll wait to the middle of season two for some reason to do that or whatever. Jesus Christ, Pinocchio, did you go out drinking last night? It's the water! just warps me makes me bigger Are you sure you haven't been eating? It just makes me bigger

And this crickets's like Talking shit to him the whole time And Pinocchio makes his way Into the forest Where he finds the tree that he came from And this fucking cricket Decides he's gonna be funny And he's like, oh boy Pinocchio

You're going back to your roots Shut the fuck up Because it's like this kind of weird sad thing He's like nobody wants me I guess it'll be a tree again But it's crazy because he's like, I feel safe here. And the cricket's like, you gotta get the fuck

out of here, Pinocchio. And this line, this cricket, bad advice from the jump, but this one especially, you can't sleep your troubles away, says who. Yeah. Fuck you, cricket. Yeah, you even fucking live through a pandemic cricket. Totally. I'm a hiding under this pile of coats. You ever enjoy a depression nap?

It's pretty amazing. It's pretty good. I just would love the cricket to be like, you see all the twigs there? Those are your dead brothers and sisters. They're everywhere. They don't care what happens to you. You got to avenge him, Pinocchio. The thing is like this cricket is obviously using Pinocchio. Pinocchio should come to his senses and kill the cricket. Absolutely.

He almost does. Crush that shit. Get me a fucking top hat on this cricket. God damn it. I'm tired of this shit. I think the Disney Corp might have a problem with the top hat. Maybe like a sailor's cap or something. Okay. That's fine.

Doesn't he have something on his hat? I don't know. I can't even see this thing. It's so disgusting. I couldn't look at the television, honestly. I thought I was going to turn to stone. In the original novel, Pinocchio initially, he kills the cricket.

Hell yeah. For mouth and off, is it the cricket's like, oh, do this, do that, he kills it. Talk shit, get hit. But then the cricket ghost haunts him, and that's the rest of the story. That's fucking cool. Yeah, absolutely. That'll probably be in the del Toro version. Oh, yeah. Oh, I forgot.

Is that true? It'll be out the end of the year. What? We're going to be fucking talking about Pinocchio all over again. Him and Henry Selleck. from Nightmare Before Christmas. So you know it's going to be creepy. Oh, yeah. It's going to be crevests.

Horror movie. Mm-hmm. Total horror movie. So, oh, him getting assaulted by the woodpecker. It's not a big scene, but it is fucking hilarious. I was like, yeah, drill through his brain. Do it. Then he goes to a Catholic church for some reason and the fucking and Baby New Earth and Rob Schneider.

Dude, he has one of the funniest lines here. God, please forgive me for being a puppet. Oh. that's the fucking Catholics for you, man. You can't just be who you are. You're going to ask fucking forgiveness. I'm waiting for the deathbed so that I can say. I'm sorry for being a puppet.

Oh, cool. Yeah, live your whole life as a puppet. Do whatever you want puppet-wise. And then like, under God's watchful eye, aren't we all puppets? Anyway. Definitely. Kind of, yeah. So what is the thing?

So Bebe Newt and Rob Schneider are like, you know what you should do is go like wait in front of this building? It makes no sense. So he gives her, he's like, she's like, oh, you know, God can grant miracles and do whatever you want. And, you know, sometimes all you need to do. I think when he goes and he, he donates one of the four coins he got from, get from Udo O'Kir. She steals that. And then she's like, oh, you know, God, you know, this, God can do miracles, but it costs a little bit of money.

And he gives her the three coins, like, ooh, this isn't enough. What you need to do is you need to bury it and it'll grow into more money. So he buries it. And then she just steals the coins. I'm like, you. already had the fucking coins. Well, I don't get it. But then she tells him, too,

like, you got to, like, wait for something to happen. And this is where, like, he's standing there in front of the church and a dog comes up and pisses on him. Oh, I must have looked away. That's pretty much. There's a thing where, like, there's a shot where it's, like, far away.

You see, standing outside the church, and it's just this puppet, just standing there. And then a dog runs up. And then it's this close up. And Pinocchio's kind of, like, looking down. And you just hear, like, tinkle noises. Oh, ew, this puppet smells like piss. Yes, because then it comes back out.

And you see the dog. running away again. Ew. Pissed on. Why is your leg so thick? Dog pissed on it. But this comes to nothing, basically. He realizes he got hosed. The crickets, like, yeah, you shouldn't have given your money to that crypto scam.

I told you the market was going to fall. Don't just scan any coupon code or QR code that comes up again. Dude, by the way. Oh, please. That Super Bowl commercial was like just the floating QR, trust us, scan this. Like, no. I didn't know who Justin scanned it. My wife. Oh, really? What happened? Was your fucking savings account emptied immediately? No, like, it turned out like everybody, a lot of people did it and it apparently crashed the site.

Yeah, that's the first of many crypto crashes you're going to be hearing about quite soon. It's just a site that's like cryptocurrency. Yes. New money for, you know, so us rich people can enjoy more. And you got to get on, get in on. Because us rich people, we love sharing money. You got to get in on the... I mean, crypto, it's huge. It's the backbone of the human trafficking industry. You're going to want to be in on this.

If you don't invest in crypto now, how is the Silk Road going to stay in business? If you want to... The dark web will fall. How else are we going to get all those poor Chinese dissidents onto a cargo ship across the ocean? How else are you... Who are then sold into slavery at salons? How else are you going to get a slab of pure... fentanyl delivered to your home without crypto.

You know what? That's the thing. It's like, be honest with me. We're doing this to finance the black market. Then I'll be like, maybe I'll get involved. Maybe I'll give you my money now. But don't act like, oh, El Salvador McDonald's takes it now, so it's good. Fuck you. Agreed.

So all these, speaking of child slavery. Yes. Pinocchio standing out on the street, fucking cart drives by, a bunch of his old friends sold into child slavery. This is insane. Oh, my God, this boy wagon. They're like, it's no school, no rules. It's just for boys.

I mean, like, what are the police doing? You know what? Stop arresting puppeteers. Yep. Let's look into the boy wagon situation. You know what I mean? All these innocent boys thought they were going to the Vatican. But instead, they're going to Udo Kier has another business operation.

This is what's insane about this. And I don't know if this is the book. If the Disney movie does this, but I was like, Udo Kier is also in on the boy hustle, this dude's busy. It's two different characters and at least in the Disney version. So in the Disney version and the book, there's the boy hustle business.

There is. That definitely happens. There's a guy called the coachman who, oh, I watch that see if this guy's chilling looking. There's the boy hustler and then there's the puppet hustler. Meanwhile, we should say before we get to Fantasy Island, which we'll take approximately two hours on, the Martin Lando and

Geppetto and Leona are on the hunt for Pinocchio right she finds out that he's in the woods blah blah blah blah so they're like 10 steps behind essentially right and he gets in this cart wow wee because I think the kid's like come on all the real boys are going

and like well if I go in here I'll be a real boy yep this fucking idiot and this peer pressure and at this point cricket what worth you look I don't know Pinocchio pretty shaky, you know, honestly, like, you never want to be in a situation where someone's drafting a bunch of young boys to get in the carriage, Pinocchio.

But if I go in there, I'll get eyebrows. Yeah, I guess back then, in history times, of course, where this takes place. History times. There was just excess boys, you know? Totally. You just have, especially in Italy, you're just shitting them out. Oh, yeah.

And they're usually, they die in war or famine or plague. and then sometimes they go to the, you know, this coachman takes him and that's fine too. I'm not sure if the island. Yeah, I'm not sure if we have a war even at the time. I don't, we have way more boys than we're budgeted for. Italy, I would say. Back then, Italy

was probably all these like dumb kingdoms and they'd probably just kill each other for no reason. Oh, for sure. And because wasn't it like it was like tons of little kingdoms and then like. Factoring somethings or other that fought each other. Yeah, I don't know. Got a fucking litter of Corleone's fucking Roman the seaside.

But then Mussolini united everyone. We forget about that part. Well, what with everything that came later? I mean, yeah, exactly. And those trains, oh, were they on time? The early hits of Mussolini do get dwarfed by the latter years. And rightfully so. I know, some zoomer's fact-checking me right now.

I better Google fucking Mussolini. You know, you don't need to. I mean, like, I know, I'll tell you the ending. Well, you guys just do the podcast. I don't need the police coming to my house here, okay? You know, he had a really, really nice first wife and son. Don't Google. Don't do that.

Don't do that. So we get to whatever this island is. There's this guy who is a clown who is fucking terrifying. Big time. You see the thing, though, I mean, this should have been a red flag for these kids because this boy wagon is blowing through town. They leave town. and then like all of a sudden the wagon drives through a waterfall.

Now here's the thing, folks. Good rule of thumb. If a stranger picks you up and is giving you a ride and then that ride drives through an entrance to the Batcave-esque waterfall thing, maybe time to jump off and run back the way you came. That's a really good lesson for Tim Drake, Dick Gray said like, oh no, I'll just come this way. I would say any adult who's telling you I like my boy's wet probably not good

probably not good not who you want to hang out. You're in trouble. You're in trouble. Certainly don't want him behind the wheel of your house cart. And this clowns like, hey, cool, you guys can do whatever you want here. I have all these blackboards with rules that I want you to throw rocks at

to break them. That'll lead up some time. Because that's no rules. There's rules right now. but until you break that blackboard you won't be free of those rules. Oh, it's no rules just right. Then you're going to bloom an onion.

Correction, unification of Italy, 1848 to 1871. So each shit, Mussolini, glad they fucking hung you upside down. Anyway, and hanging things upside down to be fun to do at this fantasy island. Oh, for sure. Just fucking murder somebody.

Murder one of these little kids. They should be killing each other, right? They should go full Lord of the Flies. Like, give them like a day. They start stab at each other. You need at least one to be taking things too far. Feed them to the whale. Come on now.

Because it's no rules. And like, they're just like, I don't know, it's a bunch of carnival games, which would bore me pretty quickly. Yep. We've clearly passed into some fucking like John Waters is like zero zone. Like the fucking,

it's not even a blackboard. It's like little circles of blackboard that they're crack. These two kids are sharing a jug of rocks and shells that they're drinking. And I was like, where did we? go. What the fuck? Is this in the original? I don't remember this. There also, there's

fucking bugs and shit and ice cream cones. I'm like, are they eating that? But then they're showing that they're also going to be killing the bugs and that's bad. But then they're also like covered in a bunch of shit and Chelsea was like, I think that right there she pointed to one kid was a literal disgusting shit boy. Yeah, yeah.

Absolutely. Because it's like you could do anything here. You could eat the shit if you want. Honestly, the, what do you call it? The OG, the Disney version, I watched the just that scene. this afternoon to be horrified again. But at first, they're drinking beer. They're smoking cigars and they're playing pool.

Hell yeah. That sounds a good old time. Oh, we can't put that in our movie. That would be disturbing. They're making podcasts. Better have them eat cockroaches. Real twisted shit, dude. Then this, yeah, this is when like there's like this rocket thing and they're shoving bugs in a rocket and even like the crickets like, this sounds like a bad idea, Pinocchio.

They're playing like a shooting game Speaking of the carnival shit And like the one kid It's it's a Lampwick like goes And then Pinocchio goes And like the kickback from the gun Like makes him go flying And Lampwick's like

Let me show you how it's done Pinocchio And this thing is like Holding onto this gun for dear life Like no no it's mine I'm gonna do it It's my gun My boomsic And let he get shot

And it's just like, you're going to be okay. But just sawdust falling out all over Harvick, I tell. Are you a woodsman? Are you a woodsman? But there's a lot of attention paid to this big fountain, which will. The squirting fountain, of like, a Zeus looking motherfucker. And you do, I think before they go on the fountain, you do see a bunch of donkeys. Yes.

And this is when, like, you see Udo Curie's like, oh, that's excellent. send this to the circus, send this to the farm. And, ooh, skin this one for my boots. And I'm like, dude, you are fucking, you got kid boots right now, pal. That's fucking awesome. Kid donkey boots. May I suggest not turning them into a donkey and just having human boots, right? Today's episode is brought to you by Kid Donkey Boots.

Use promo code WHM to get your own kid bobby. Include your personal experience. Did you enjoy wearing those kid boots? Using the donkey kid boots website was so easy. A fucking jackass could do it. Fucking great website. So many kid donkey boots are just so high price today. Where are the middle ground donkey kid boots?

And the cool thing is you get a box every month and you never know what kid donkey boots are going to be in the box. They could be beach themed, circus theme, first day of school shoes. There's a thing. Udo Akir does make some mention if he gets 20,000 lira per donkey. When this happened, I was like, what's his end?

How could this be worth it? It's not a bad deal. Isn't it pathetic, though? You think about the math there that Geppetto couldn't even muster a donkey to pay all the, you know. People are just kept in poverty

while Udo Kier just like lives on. That's true. I still don't understand how he can be the fucking artistic director of this puppet theater. And then also his managing this boy grift on the side. Well, think about this way. I mean, we're always talking

about, you know, what really matters in my family. He's got all this, he's got a very large puppet family. He's rich in love of these things that don't talk and don't, aren't living. Also, you, you, you, you launder your money through the legitimate theater. Nice. Oh,

the whole thing's a front. Yeah, because the taxman comes. Oh, you just got, oh, you made $40,000 lira last year doing this puppet thing. It's pretty great. Meanwhile, you're making millions of to do with the kid donkeys. And I think it's a thing where a puppet theater

is so unsettling that the tax man is like yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. Like, they don't want to go digging around there. You're right, you're totally right. And they see his home, which is a shack and they're like, yeah, you're good. That's fine.

You clearly don't care about yourself. But here's the thing. I would be like, yeah, have fun kids. Do what you want? Oh, here's a glass of water. You know, like that seems like the way if you want these kids to adjust this, haunted water that makes you into a fucking

horrible animal. Right. That would be one way to do it. As opposed, there's this crazy roller coaster and the kids are opening their mouths because you're screaming and it goes in there. Let me tell you. We're doing slow motion. These kids opening wide

and a bunch of waters just getting all their mouth and all over their faces and somehow the slow mo gets even slower mo. And I was like, I got it. Please cut away from this. What we need is more wet boy's-ness, okay? We've only had about 17 shots of soaking wet boys.

How about a boy? He's got, it's transforming into a donkey. He's just got a tail for now. Look at that boy right there, wetting up that mouth. You wet up that mouth. A couple wet boys, and then they turn into my little animals. They're on the roller coaster. And this scene is on YouTube.

You can just, if you're not even into, you can just watch this one scene. and it is horrifying. It's also on Shudder. This is fucking horrible. This scene, when he actually does the full transformation, you get the full on shot where he goes, we were screaming.

We were screaming. I think the neighbors thought I was killing her last night. Honestly, it's really uncomfortable. And he's like, at first it's like, he's like laughing. And it's like, oh, fuck. You know it's coming.

That's right. You know, it's coming. This kid's doing a really committed he-haw. The water pours out of Pinocchio's bullet wounds. That's a good detail. That's what saves him from turning

into a full donkey. But he gets like the ears. It's weird that the water would work against, you know. It's a different magic. So is he going to turn to a rocking horse? What the fuck? That would be kind of a rock and donkey, dude. Fuck, dude. Chepetto can finally ride them all night.

This is my new bed I will say though I'm like getting my rocks off when this is done Andrew watch the the Disney version or at least that that scene

it is actually kind of worse I have seen it it's worse it is because like the kid's like screaming for his mother and then like there's then they show like him they sort

the Disney version only it's like sorting it's like send this to the circus bah ha ha and it's like what's your name and if it goes E.O. It goes into a box. And this other one's like, my name's

Alexander and I'm really scared. He's like, you're going to turn to a donkey shooter at late. It's like fucking nightmare fuel. That's awesome. I never knew how donkeys were made until. This is exactly it. Yeah. Boys, smoke cigars and drink beer and they turn into donkeys. Can I tell you at the moment that this was happening I think it was probably due to my screaming, but I feel like she was also getting the vibe that the movie was weird. Marty, my dog, literally stood. she was laying on the couch next to us she literally stood up and like

I know it's an accident but like it felt like it was a message she stood up and when she adjusted she put her paw down on the remote and literally turned off the movie and I was like this dog's got the right eye they always know animals always know exactly danger they smell she smelled danger

in the house yeah fucking donkey danger dude god damn this is fucked up but also the thing that's weird is they're on this roller coaster and it goes like inside a cave and then it kind of becomes like Temple of Doom and I was like, oh, rad,

young, young Indiana Jones is in this. It's very Donkey Kong country. I was about to jump over a fucking bee. Yes, totally. Hit the barrel. That's the way we'll get another ditty. Watch out for the crocodile. And then like he gets out of the fucking thing

because he's going to be the holes keep him going whole donkey here. And he's running around this island. Don't eat the fucking water! he's just like smashing glasses out of people's hands like a maniac and like a fucking paranoid thriller movie this is the water and this is the well drink forth it what was the whole thing and live well descender yeah descend that drink forth and ha ha ha ha ha that got a donkey got a donkey and this is when udo cure's like oh you little pinocchio you're going to ruin everything

Dude, Udo Kier kind of has like the greatest way to threaten a puppet ever. He's like, I'm going to turn you into firewood, pop it. And it's Udo Kier and it's of course wonderful. It's great. Easy way for me to start rooting for this man at this point. Totally.

Kill this fucking child. But dude, yeah, the fucking, oh man, Udo Kier, it's really something. He gets totally dispatched right here because Lampwick, the donkey like runs in and this jackass kicks this pervert right in the fucking nuts. dude it destroys his testicles

his dick is you know she Italy got unified and this guy's dick got bifurcated yeah I was going to say what's the opposite it's got broken apart I mean if you that horse could kill Don Draper's dad so easily imagine what a donkey could do to your dick absolutely

brutalized it you know I'm not that impressed danger Aaron does this like all the time this is nothing what is the deal here so like for some reason Udo turns into the toxic avenger? It's, I think something, something, the water makes you,

makes you turn into an animal that fits your personality. Yes, it's how you behave. So they're trying to make the kids act like jackasses to turn into a jackass. So the water recognizes Utokir, he acts like a monster.

A monster. But yes, molester fish is pretty good. Whales, the molesters of the sea, of course. But when he, but like this one scene when it, it hits her, it like, he's like, he's like a two-faced situation. It is chilling. It's the witches level. Like when the, the boy's boiling down into the mouse. That's pretty bad. But yeah, I mean, he looks like that dude that turns to jelly in Robocop. He does. Absolutely. It's so disgusting. And he just kind of like flies out and like it's shot into the water or something. And he's just dead. Just totally dead. No, he comes. that. He's the whale. Wait, what? Wait, what? He's the whale. Is he? Yes. Yeah, yeah. I did not get that at all. He turns into the monster. Do I need to, I need to read the book series. No, I mean, it just they're like, oh, it smells like chili peppers at here. See, so that's what I, I just didn't. I must have been looking at the computer to make a note or looking at the IMDB. It's too crazy. There's

too much crazy shit happening that it didn't catch that this man turned into a whale. See, and so that, okay, I didn't. I didn't. get it. So that's why when they're in the whale, I was like, why are they trying to make this chili pepper thing work? It's not fucking funny. Is that in the original? No, no, the, the whale is just a whale. It's just a whale. Because that kind of makes more sense. Yeah, absolutely. The body horror element is really unique to this one. But so, so wait a second. So when he was toxic Avenger, that was like him in the process of turning into a whale. And how did he get to the ocean? I mean, he falls in. He jumps in.

like, I got a fucking take it. He just jumps in. Meanwhile, Martin Landau was like, that's it. I'm going to find my little boy. I'm going to go off and die on the water. And she's like, you're a fucking idiot. You're going to fucking die on you.

You don't even ought to swim, you piece of shit. You didn't you fuck me in 20 years. And now you're telling me you're in love and you fucking going to drown, you piece of shit. That is the most cowardly part about it is he's just like, now that I'm physically too far away from you. I'm going to let you know I've been in love with you for 25 years.

What a fucking coward. Totally, dude. And she's so into him so clearly into them. Listen, this guy could have been laying pipe for the last quarter century and avoided being a weird puppet shutting guy. And could have had a little boy the old fucking fashion way, man,

as opposed to magic puppet shit. But that's the thing that I think they're kind of oddly, weirdly, disgustingly hinting at is because the tree that Pinocchio comes from it's not it's Martin Landau's initials and this lady yeah it's a G heart L kind of a thing so it's like

their initials were in the magic it's a product yeah so what happened to the brother did they mention that did I just blink and miss it there was probably some Italian some tune dropped it to be out of so then he attacked just like this

that's your move dude go in after the piano destroys him or whatever. That's where it should have happened. Because that's the thing is we don't even know that you hear something, something, oh, my brother earlier on, and you don't even know that that, like he, that needs to be knowledge to the audience

way earlier. Like he needs to, well, Pinocchio, my brother died and I always wanted to have sex with his wife, but it was wrong to do Pinocchio so I never had the courage. That would like inform everything about this character before he goes off and do a fucking fish in five minutes. Maybe this is a thing. I know, I know he carved the initials the day the brother asked to marry

or whatever. But maybe he was like, the thrill of fucking my brother's wife. That's what I want. I know that that's not there. Oh, that's a good point. She could go hang laundry for all I like it. Now, I think we're like

step brother and step sister. Okay, I want the thing. Maybe we do it on his grave. Oh, yeah. Just one old time sick. A top the grave fucking like McRub. dude definitely oh man uh so when they get eaten by the whale yeah that's kind of a fetish now too right oh yeah that's what it's called then people want to be like eaten now is this like piecemeal or people want to be eaten whole great question i don't know you got it back so it's

you said what v o r and that's what it's being consumed by somebody usually by a giant i believe or not always but sometimes giants are involved but is it sometimes like you want like a twisted German to cook you up. I think that might be part of it as well yet. Right? That was that thing. It was a thing. There's a Star Trek novel where a twisted German cuts you up and eats you. Mr. Data, someone's hungry.

No, it was a thing where that episode of that date is a cake. Yeah, you're right. Mr. Data, I shouldn't have answered that Craigslist personal out of Deutschland. That's kind of what it was. It was like 20 years ago. And it was a dude who was like looking. on the internet to find someone who would eat him whilst reading him a Star Trek novel. Wow, which one?

I don't know. Was it the one where Q is dating? Oh, Troy's mother? Yeah. Oh, man. Or maybe it's the one where they meet the X-Men possibly? Oh, also a possibility. Now, when you are consuming me, you must turn my meat into a sausage and call it Picardverse.

So, Vore is like, like, fan fiction. I mean, it's that. I'm not heavily invested in it. But you're a porno expert. First of all, let's stop that right there. It's porno enthusiast. An Italian suffix related to eating vorophyllia, typically an erotic desire or sexual fantasy,

to be consumed or to consume another. Yeah. And I think that however that goes, whether it's all one bite, whether it's all the, you know. Yeah. But it's also, it may refer to a monster from the 1996 video game quake. Oh shit, VOR is going to get you, dude.

Oh, man, you see my new Vore tattoo? The Quake franchise will never die. I don't know how to tell you this. I'm into Vore. Hell yeah, I love Quake too. The fucking game rules. All right. But that's my question was like, you know,

how much of this are people like IRLing? Oh, my God. Oh, no. What happened? What happened? Because, you know, you click the images tab? Yeah.

Because, no, no, I changed my search from vore meaning to vore porn. And then I click the images tag. Let me see, come on, turn around. We'll do this on the air. The cord's in the way. You got to zoom in. I can't see from across the room. It's like there's a lady with people in your belly.

It's like cartoons. That looks like X-Men, actually. I mean, I think it's mostly fantasy-based. You know what I mean? That was the question. Is this like, is it now, is this- It's illegal to eat people. Okay, so there's like a lady inside this,

monster and is this a, is this monster, is it in the monster's balls and there's like come coming out of its dick or is that? Oh, that's a, that is a photograph. Hi, officer. No, we're just, he was searching it. It's not illegal. It's all legal, man.

Here's a thing. It should be illegal. When they're in, we lost Eric, he's just going to be doing this. Yes. So, they keep. When they're inside this whale, Pepe the Cricket makes a comment that he is indeed clamophobic. but this is the grossest part because I think of the Disney one they start a fire and he he

lets them out yeah in this one it's so much grosser yeah absolutely and it looks like it's a real to set the scene for people who will never watch this movie thankfully it's very Nickelodeon looking in there you know what I mean like dude that is so funny you said that because when they're crawling around this thing I made a note that it looks like Martin Lando guest start on double-diff. I got to get the flag. It's up the nose. Like every other page of this script, the note on it is more wet.

Yes. They are dripping in this scene, him and the puppy. Pinocchio, I got covered in the gag. I swear to fucking God, Summers, I'm going to find this flag and this peanut butter sandwich. I guess you can do this on television. Ah, definitely.

Egg row, Craig. All right, so the movie ends. I do want someone to Photoshop Martin Landau in a guts uniform. Absolutely. He has the jumpsuit on. He's getting ready to climb the agro-crang. Let's go to Mo for the results. Mo.

Well, Brian F. from Orlando clocked in at one minute and 14 seconds. Amy B. clocked in at two minutes and 14 seconds. And Martin L. from Hollywood, California. clocked in at four hours and two minutes. Also, he's dead. Well, well, he died in 2017. So he could have, he could have played guts.

He could have been in guts. Yeah, absolutely, the 90s. That was actually his final words. I could have climbed the agro-crag, Craig. Lily Doc. And that is the egg. End of guts, EuroLeague. But it's so much gross.

It's disgusting. First of all, if I'm trying to get out of a whale, I think I would try to get out the back way. No, I think I'd poke it with my erection. And if I don't have that, my lying nose. Yeah. I mean, the back way, though, it's like mucus.

Well, you got a futz with the stomach acid. Got it. Yeah, that's true. So it's probably cleaner to get out the mouth. anything that works if I'm stuck in a whale I'm just trying everything if you had a knife you just start cutting down I guess

that's true stomping on the belly like I just be doing whatever I can but instead he's making puppets out of garbage in this thing he's like totally lost and he's like hello little Pinocchio how are you doing your crab garbage that's where I would

like I would drown myself in stomach ass what are you doing building toys no I'm not settling in for a life inside this. No, no. All is lost. But like the Robert Redford movie. That's right. Which he, his boats like subsides and he gets vored

by a whale. Robert Redford. Google Robert Redford for, Eric. See what happens then? No, don't. I will say the one shot in this entire movie that I found very effective was when gross little Pinocchio's

rowing out to see. Yeah. And they do this super sky. high shot looking down and you see the shadow of the whale. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Because like deep sea monster stuff freaks the fuck out of me. And I was like, oh fuck, that's terrifying. But then immediately the movie, the Adventures of Pinocchio started again and

all of that washed away. But like in the emotional I guess finale here, he's like lying. They're close to them out. They can't get out. They're like, I don't know Pinocchio. We're not going to make it. He's like, I never loved you dead. He's like, well, that's pretty shitty shitty and like his nose grows and he's like you're a terrible father his nose grows I've never touched my bump wait wait wait terrible father the nose goes back in well how would he know either way they hadn't had a chance to you know be father and son but then he's like oh you're lying pinocchio i get it now and like i think you are definitely generous with all your money

Actually, this is really fucking weird because I wasn't in that scene earlier So I had no idea you could do this You're right I'm really impressed with the way That you held back your emotions For the one woman you love for your entire life It impales the way

You're totally not a sexual pervert So it breaks off or something It breaks off in the hole He hits the back wall And it breaks off He snaps his own nose off Nasty as fast as fucking Bone. Is there a word for that for porn?

I don't know. Nose taken off? No, but this is a rancor shit kind of. You know what I mean? Like in the mouth. Yeah. That's true. Despite his own wood face. See, before I learned this evening that that was Udo Kier. Yeah. I was like, fuck you Pinocchio.

Now that whale can't fucking breathe properly, you asshole. But it's the villain of the film. So it makes sense that the movie doesn't care. I think we should kill whales. After I saw this movie, I established that belief. You really want to nuke the whales post. That's what you're saying. This is the message we're giving to children.

And Gene Siskel gave it a thumbs up. Pervert. You know what's weird about you sent the, you know what's weird about that clip? It was featured on Siskel and Ebert at the movies. What's wild about that clip is like they do the thing where they're like explaining what's happening to what the story is. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, the name of Pinocchio creates a wooden boy. And then he turns to a real boy, which is the last three.

Spoiler alert, dude. I mean, I guess that's, yeah, I do agree with you. Like, it's a little bit of both, but like, it is a spoiler. It's the end of the movie. That's what everyone know. Everyone knew. But it's the end of the movie. You just made me think about something, though, because I was stunned.

Stunned is a bit much. I was like, oh, it's weird that it's a JTTT. vocal performance so on the heels of the Lion King. It's weird that it's not live action. Do you think if they had like the money and like actual technical prowess to like Gandalf Hobbit the situation?

Like when the puppet came to life, it would have been like JTT but they would do like makeup to make it look like he had like puppet joints or whatever. So it could be the star like in the movie. We're chilling actually. Yeah. Yeah. Then this puppet? I don't know man. It's tough. It's the dead eyes. You got to wonder, I don't know.

You're describing like a centa bite, right? So they got blown ashore and Martin Lando and him are just, he even says he like, he hugs him. He's like, I'm sorry, Papa, that I'm a puppet. I'm like, dude, you have shamed this kid. There's a real fucking problem. He is going to make up. Chef's kiss.

Dot gift fucking excellent Catholic, dude. Absolutely. But he cries and it lands on his weird. heart scar thing and that's the magic that turns him into a real boy. Wow. And here's Jonathan Taylor Thomas

and somehow this scene on the beach isn't the end of the movie. There's like 25 more minutes left. But we won't talk about them. We're done. But I mean one, thank God you don't have to see the puppet anymore. Yeah. It's just Jonathan Taylor

Thomas. But the other thing that's weird is like when it turns into Jonathan Taylor Thomas live action, then it turns into the JTT Randy Taylor from Home Improvement, little stinker attitude. Yes. And that's not the way Pinocchio carries himself through the whole movie. And then the end of the movie is like, hang on a second. I got to get revenge on BB Newer than Rob Schneider. Yeah. And you're like, but you weren't a little shithead before. That's because you need Jonathan Taylor Thomas

to do his Jonathan Taylor Thomas thing. No, I know, but I'm saying, it's just fucking dumb. It sucks. So he tells them like, he tells him to go to drink the water at this place. It's going to great to make you're rich or something. And then like, oh, they go off to do it and then later on, because there's later on and later on,

towards the very end, we see they've turned into, what was it, a fox and a cat? It's a weasel and a pussy, you see what's going on. Nice. See what they did there. And but he, and Lampwick apparently bullshit is no longer a donkey.

They have a donkey fake. out though. Yeah. Yes. Because he's like, come on, Lampwick, let's go. And they cut, and it's a donkey and you're like, oh, now Jonathan Taylor Thomas befriended this donkey. That's nice. And then the little Lampwick kid comes out from behind the donkey

and runs down the street. Now it's like, not cheap. All those donkey kids are dead. It would be amazing if they were able to get everything back to normal except for the teeth. Oh, God. Hi, guys. My life is hell. Oh, my God. Just a bunch of little kids with donkey teeth. Huge teeth in their mouth. They're out there,

The last joke of the movie Which sucks He gives him a big log Pinocchio gives his dad a big log And he's like, could you carve me a girlfriend? It's disgusting It's a chestnut tree Because I want a chestnut inside of it

Listen Pinocchio, you're young You don't want to do that I've done it. It's not worth it Your scar, your schwanz You want to play the field for a bit Don't settle so quickly. Well, and it is weird, too, because also, like, Jepetto's getting laid, by the way.

Him and Leona are banging constantly now. You know, the Italian Cialis over there? Now I'm just realizing, you know, He makes one of these sex puppets for himself. Sure. Howl's at that whole, oh, little splinters in there. So he, like, puts, like, cold cuts or something. Oh, I see.

And then you just, like, clean it out every once a month or something. Oh, yeah, once a month. about this. Sure. Definitely a good idea. Yep. I've been coming in this non-stop for 30 days. Better wash it out. Come on. Pinocchio, get your little hands up there to get

out the cold cuts, the ham and the salami. Get my ham out of my ass. What he says, though, because he's like, make me a girlfriend. And he's like, oh, no, Pinocchio, I don't know if I'm ready to deal with this, you're turning into quite the little teenage poon hound.

Yeah. Which is dumb but yeah so pseudo it's funny it's a sequel set up but when they made the sequel that wasn't part of it. No it was not part of it at all we should say the plot of the sequel is Martin Landau who returns to play Geppetto Jesus Christ

something something magic curse he gets turned into a puppet so that I'd like to see so what Martinando like the ponies what's going on a huge gambling addict? I think so dude some of them old fuckers man you know something had to happen scratchers I bet he was a scratcher I have to win back my Oscar

it's at the gas station I took to the cleaners by the scratchers dude it's bullshit the end narration of course is from fucking Pepe the cricket and he's just like

yeah everything worked out great for Pinocchio and Geppetto as for me because I'm sure you're curious I retired to Lake Como and bought a house

I'm neighbors with George fucking Clooney good night everybody that would have been the joke of it was today yep oh Laurie oh And then in the oddest turn, in a movie that is filled with odd turns, over the credits are two Stevie Wonder songs.

Were they written for this movie? That I didn't look up, but there is another, there's an instrumental credited to Stevie Wonder that's just called like Pinocchio's Evolution or something. I think they stole these songs from hard drives. These songs sound so weird. like the hold on to your dream song it literally sounds like he did a vocal performance for a song he did not like and then they put orchestration behind it

it doesn't like it just sounds like blank it's very unstevie yes I turned it off immediately I turned it off immediately so I didn't get to hear this it's weird because it's like it's a Stevie Wonder song that's this mass orchestration and it ends and you're like that was weird and then immediately a second Stevie Wonder song

starts like why not open your movie yeah the Stevie Wonder song totally Why don't you be stamping that all over everything? What else do you have? Nothing. You got Jonathan Taylor Thomas's voice. And the guy from the Mission Impossible movie show. Among other things.

That is the end of the Adventures of Pinocchio, ladies and gentlemen. We'll get right into it. Recommendation, Steve Sadek. We will start with you. I would say absolutely not. This was creepy. It drags as well. It has that feel like, you remember those?

I think I'm going to be. Those NBC made for TV movies. Totally. It has that feel to it. Oh, right. Like the Merlin mini series. Yes. And like the fucking the Gulliver's Travels, Ted dances.

It's got that vibe to it. So that's to say it's not very good. It's a no, it's creepy. It's all hell. I do kind of want to rewatch a Disney one, though, even though it scarred me quite a bit. It's a quick like 72 minutes or some shit, dude. You won't regret it.

Chris Cabin. No, but I guess I do have to. It is a little bit of seeing his, believe there are some parts of this yep that are so horrifying like I genuinely like you wouldn't do this for a kid's movie this is too unsettling

at this point yeah like we were in that in the 90s you kind of were allowed to do this Ernest scared stupid and shit like that was allowed to do this gross shit and they're like no it's for kids don't worry about it and like no no no it's fucking terrifying yeah that's the only way otherwise this was a really

difficult walk for me I had to pause many times You got to do it. I'm going to say, yes, yes. See this movie. Seeing as believing because it is bone chilling and it is out there. I could see this being like a fun group watch. You get some people over. You start doing like, you know, shots. Yeah. You do whippets. You do speed balls, whatever you got to land around the house. And you'll have fun with it. I think you will. I got to say I'm in the seeing as believing camp too. And if it is a group watch, B-Y-O-B-B, dude, bring your own barf bag Because your friends will be throwing up watching this thing It's just, it's, you know, I said it early Like, it's a Henson thing, you know, so like It's curious, you know, at least for me, to watch them fail so hard.

Yeah. This puppet doesn't work. It's really bad looking. Apparently it took 12 operators for this thing to go. Like, it's just awful. And yeah, I don't know. The rest of it's whatever. but like just looking at this puppet looking at the donkey transformation also a lot of stuff to scream at your TV about and the cool thing is it's one of those movies that both Amazon and Apple are like yeah it's fucking garbage you can rent the HD for 299 so it's an even it's a cheap rental too but that is going to do it for the adventures of Pinocchio from 96 directed by Steve Barron big thanks to Heidi from Arkansas we have to say theme for all of these um listener request

Press Month episodes, including Heidi here, each one that we selected, single call in. Yeah, really weird. Strange. Wild, wild shit. We had some movies that had like 50 calls for it. And somehow, and people might not, people might think we just put like every title

in a hat. No, we put like 50 pieces of paper for the one movie that was most requested. And it just didn't get pulled. If the deck is stacked, you know, we acknowledge every call. We count every one. So totally weird that this is happening. but if you want more we hate movies

of course check out patreon.com slash we hate movies last month we put out a banger two part WLM on Quentin Tarantino's Kill Bill both volumes there's a separate episode for each volume that's out there rocking and rolling man yes and this month we'll be doing a

WLM select from you the audience on the Warriors oh yeah I'm kind of excited to get into that gritty nigh city I heard it's called totally Scuz Town NYC in the 70s love it man yep and we'll have another Melro 210 for you. Come up very soon. Yeah. We also, big, big announcement I'll do here on our commentary for the month of March. There you go. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, ladies

and gentlemen. And for UK listeners out there, that's the Philosopher's Stone. Don't want anybody getting confused about your stone movies. We're going to be doing the full cut to all seven hours. To our friends in the UK, you see here, people are too dumb. They didn't know what a philosopher was. And that's not a joke. are so dumb. We know sorcerers though, of course. Well, yeah, they're the ones that are telling you to try to pull you away from Jesus, dude, with all of their magic.

With their fucking Vore and whatever else. Philosophy, that's a college term. Vorioso. A full-length commentary where I'm sure Vore will come up. The sucking hat. You get the sucking hat, is what I heard. Yeah. Okay, good.

That sounded like you were taking an improv suggestion. I heard sucking hat. Don't worry. We'll have more material. Eric is on several mailing lists now. Yeah, I really regret not connecting to your Wi-Fi for those searches. Oh, thanks. There's also some listener-requested animation damnation going down. Yeah, on Double Dragon, the cartoon. We've never touched that. That'll be fun.

That'll be a lot of fun. On the Gleap Glossary, we'll be talking about Bosque, the Trandotian Lizardman bounty hunter. I'm excited about that. You know, I should part of me is like I should just do Elon's. Slees Bagano on our Star Wars side show. But I'm like, I kind of like it when people, every year, people call in like 50 times that it's never picked. It'll be the victory whenever it does. Yeah, so I'll let it ride.

Let it ride. Those people won't feel like they wasted all these years. Exactly. But on the main feed, of course, next Tuesday, we got a brand spanking new episode for you. Listener request month rolls on. Steve, whose selection are we tackling? Or what is the selection? Don't matter who selected.

Yeah, we'll get to that next week. I will say, HOOA! Because it's Simone S1M0N3. Yeah. I think, you know, it's a good time to tackle that movie given the CGI monsters that are unleashed on Disney Plus. I've never seen it, so I'm curious to see what this thing is. I haven't seen it either, but this movie was trying to warn us. Yeah. And nobody saw it.

I remember it being middling, but it's probably worse than I remembered it. It's kind of like a response to Final Fantasy, the Spirits Within With. everybody thought fucking actors were over people we're not doing anymore which is hysterical because I went back and I looked at some screenshots

from that movie and dude there's video games that look better in that fucking movie now totally so until next week with Al Pacino in Sammo I'm Andrew Jubin Steven Say that hurts

Chris Cabin take it easy That was a hit-gum That was a hit-gum podcast.