We Hate Movies - S12 Ep598: S1m0ne

Episode Date: March 8, 2022

On this week's episode, the 2022 Listener Request Month continues with a discussion around Andrew Niccol's Gattaca follow-up, S1m0ne! Why didn't they realize this concept had to go full-satire to work? Why did we need so much with the tabloid reporter characters? And are we to believe that Al Pacino's character becomes a CGI master all on his own in less than a year? PLUS: Pacino runs some lines from Home Alone!  S1m0ne stars Al Pacino, Catherine Keener, Rachel Roberts, Winona Ryder, Jay Mohr, Evan Rachel Wood, and Elias Koteas; directed by Andrew Niccol. Catch this guys this April when they play Boston, D.C., and Philly! Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm   Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on We Hate Movies, get out your best deep fake and fake actors, CGI nonsense. Holy moly, this one's a stinker. It's Simone. I'm Andrew Jupin. I'm Stephen Sadek, but the S is a dollar sign and the Ease are threes. Excellent. I'm Eric Siska. Whatever you want to do with it, it's fine. Crew 1 S-Cab 1? Ed We! One movies. Thank you.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right, gang. This is week two of the 2022 listener request month. We're talking Simone from 2002 directed by Gattaca Guy, Andrew Nicol. This one was requested by a beautiful gentle Canadian from Upway in Toronto. Let's see what he had to say. Hey, gang. This is Parker from Toronto, making my seventh or eighth annual call-in request for Andrew Nichols Simone, that's S, the number one, got a zero in there, maybe a three, anyway. A great early 2000s computer idiocy movie. He got Elias Cateas, I think getting cancer from looking at too many computer screens. You got behind the scenes actual worries where Hollywood big shots were afraid this movie would usher in an era of DGI actors and replace real actors. and it just took

you got good old Al Pacino just given it as all so a lot of fun love you guys hope you come up to tour in Toronto sometime I'd love to yeah I'd love to

we would we would love to but currently we are in solidarity with your racist trucker movement no we are not no man I fucking love Toronto it's my favorite town in Canada that I've been to so far man one of these days Parker

one of these days but yes Gattaca guy's fucking fucking follow up years after Gattaca itself by the way That's exactly what I wanted from the guy from Gattaca is a comedy That was like boy that That sounds like a comedy

Headed by Alp Gene There's a lot It's sort of a dromedy in a way Right but that was sort of like That was going away by now The script and the score Everything points towards comedy to me And I think it's probably the American Beauty thing

like they tried to like make it a little bit more adult. They wanted to make it a little bit more for, you know, the parents and like leave the kids off to see something else. You're going to go see Simone. I do think Pachino is kind of funny in this. I think he has his mom. But the movie just, the movie doesn't know whether or not it's allowed to be funny, which is the problem. You know, we're not allowed to be funny yet because I have to hit play real quick. Oh, boy.

Coming soon to theaters. It's the VHS trailer game. Oh, con, con, con, con, con. Oh, man. We were doing good, and now we're going to be at each other's throat, Steve. I don't like it. Yes, it is America's favorite game about obsolete materials hosted by me, the Jamestor, Stephen Sadek. I am the Jemaster.

These are my clues. FYI, folks. We're kind of like rounding into like, we're getting close to the end, not close to the end, but like second half of the year here. Really? The season ends at the end of July. And FYI, if you didn't listen to our Mortal Kombat episode. that was on location live. We did a trailer game and there were some points given out there.

There was also some points given out at our chud show. I was going to say this game is much more fun when we force others to play it. Exactly. The score as it stands right now, Andrew Jupin has 35 points. Came back at a big way in that chud show, hugely in that chud show. Eric Siska has 36 points. I'm clapping for myself.

And just one Large beard hair ahead At 39 points He's taking the lead At 39 points Chris Cabinus Evil But everyone's within striking distance

We're gonna go all the way Through July We're gonna see who wins And as we know If Chris wins Nothing but trouble Will be an episode on the main fee Oh boy

And Steve will have to We're gonna do it twice in a row No we are not We will not Now this is I was shocked that this was on VHS. So we came out in 2001. And I mean, like, it had, 2002, actually. Oh, sorry, going in 2002. It makes it even worse and more unacceptable. And like, towers are fallen. It's kind of funny. It does have a, this is DVD commercial on it. Oh, this one's more like, listen, guys,

I just want to be really clear here. We, we just had a meeting. You're going to want to get in to DVDs. We don't know if it's HD DVD or Blue. We're kind of, you know, we're waiting for porn to figure that out. You're going to want to get on board with DVDs from day one. You better get this song in your head. Listen, VHS is literally almost over. So you really want to get into DVD. It is hysterical that a movie that is all about like supposed like technological nightmares of the film industry came out on VHS.

Yeah. It's got to be one of the last ones. So here we go. We all ready? So the game goes, obviously, I ask a question, and everybody buzzes in as they do. And as they do, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, the first clues were 5 points, exactly. Thank you. Descending order, if you guess wrong in that round, you're out for the round,

you come back for the next round. Everybody knows this. Oh, yeah. Everybody knows this. We're all pros at this point, you know? And if you're yelling in your car, I can't hear you. So, I was on the road. Yeah.

Round one. Oh, God. Game Masters Klu. The Blockbuster next chapter of a blockbuster adaptation of a beloved novel, Chris Cabin. The Two Towers. I need the full title. Lord of the Rings, colon.

The Two Towers. Don't help them with the colon. Yeah, I would have forgotten that part. But this trailer had the recium for a dream score in it. And I watched that last night. It still gets me fucking pumped. Sam and Frodo ass to ass and that?

Wait, it was over the two towers? Yes. Oh, I didn't remember that. That's not cool. Dude, watch that trailer. It kind of rules. It's like an operatic version. It's not the synthy one.

I remember when two or when fellowship was out, they did a thing where they put that trip. They sent a new final reel of the film and, you know, fellowship's long as fuck. So it was like real nine or ten or some of shit. They sent you a new one because on the end of it, after the credits, they had the Two Towers trailer with that

song, and let me tell you, and I, you know, I am not throwing stones here because I am a man who paid full price to see a fucking motion flow, the Hobbit, because there was Star Trek footage ahead of it.

But we had a thing where motherfuckers were coming back to the theater, getting a ticket for fellowship, not going to see it. Yeah. And just being like, I'm here for the trailer. And it was like, it's over, dude.

Like, I can't let you in. And it was like a whole thing. Oh, wow. You had people who were buying tickets just so they could see that trailer. I will tell you, if you had put Kronos Quartet in charge of the scores for the Hobbit, might have been a better movie. Totally. Go home and watch that on YouTube.

You will get amped for the two towers. That trailer does its job. Uh-huh. Round two. I forgot we were still two. We are. Yeah, fortunately. Game master.

Cluster's Clue. The celebrity-laden conclusion to a surprise comedy Powerhouse series were in the lead actor adds yet another role. Chris Cabin. Austin Powers and Gold Member.

It's Austin Powers and Gold Member for five big points. Dude, you know, I have just blocked out so much of the early odds. What a fucking miserable time. This was sequel, I mean, this is the big, I mean, it's still sequel Palooza, but this was the really beginning. of it. I was shocked. This next one is not a, the final one is not

a sequel, just an FYI. Congrats, Chris. Shush! You shush! Eric, get down off your cross. Play the game with us. Game Masters Clue! Weepy drama Oscar bait that would 1,000% not be made today because

the lead actor's transformation into a man with a disability. Fun fact, a slur for that disability is used twice in the trailer. 2002 disability Oscar movie Yes Weepy drama Oscar made that would

1,000% not be made today because the lead actor's transformation into a man with a disability Fun fact, a slur for that disability is used twice in the trailer I am Sam It is I am Sam for five big points Yeah We're saying the R word in that trailer

In the first five seconds. Oh, my God. I thought it was just the audience saying that at the screen. No, it's amazing. They build up to it. Like, there's Michelle Pfeiffer like giving the closing arguments in the case. And she's like sometimes you feel like you're lost. Fucking Sean Penn doing some goofy shit.

Yes. You feel like you don't know what you're doing. And then doing some more goofy shit. Well, he's up to some of that. And then Michelle Pfeiffer that you literally feel. Yeah. Really. Even worse, though, the first, the first five seconds like Dakota Fanning and some kid like

finger pain digging. The kid's like, is you're dead? And I'm like, come on. Like the first three seconds into the trailer. He just, he did just travel to Ukraine during wartime. I'll tell you what, though, still not the worst byproduct of that motion picture. What's, oh, the fucking soundtrack with all those abhorrent Beatles covers, eat my ass. I never saw that film. I didn't either, but fuck that soundtrack. I know Richard Schiff is the evil lawyer trying to take away the the child. Yeah, Dakota fan. Oh, Schiff will do that to you. Wow. Well, now I'm pumped to talk

about Simone after thinking about I am Sam and all those wonderful trailers. The R word firmly in my head. I'll talk about Simone. I mean, it's weird though because like every movie that you just talked about right there and Simone that we're talking

about today, these were all like primetime me and Chris working at the multiplex movies. And I remember like we had like there was a big standee for this, the poster, the whole fucking thing. Were people posing with it? No, but it was like when all that stuff came out and then it was the trailer and I just remember

being like, I'll never watch this. So until last night I stayed true to that. Oh, I had seen it and I thought it was okay. Did you see it back then when we were working at the theater? Simone 2002? I saw it in the theater, yeah.

I saw it then. And I was like, that was fine. In retrospect, I I look at it now, that was kind, you could argue that that was the beginning of the end for Al Pacino until 2019. Because he, you could make, there's a couple good ones in there. You could argue Angels in America kind of counts to for me. But like, from this to 2019, there's almost nothing.

This is like my man's getting paid. Yes. But not even like towards the end of it, it's not even that. It's like fucking Phil Broth adaptations from people who just graduated from NYU. And like serial killer movies Like so many bad Like just killed That's a hang man

I haven't seen it in a while But insomnia Insomnia Yeah It's right before this Okay I think that's his last Good movie

Until when it starts He comes back for once upon a time And then he comes back Irishman Irishman as well And now the house of Gucci Which he's not bad in But it's not a good movie

I honestly forgot I watched that movie recently I kind of forgot he was even But it's a big It's at least a big movie It's not like some directed DVD saw-esque movie

There's one of those That you didn't mention that is 6,000% of stay tuned And that is 88 minutes Which is really bad I saw that in the theaters It came out the same year As this isn't like an Al Pacino movie

Because it's an ensemble thing But he's good in it. Ocean's 13 Oh right Was the same year as that He's like kind of the Villain and that Good villains My review of 88 minutes

Is too many minutes Oh man stand-up guys from 2012 him Chris Walken and Alan Arkin abysmal fucking movie he made I mean like that's he I think actually DeNiro debased himself worse because he made all those like bad comedies he went full it that's a thing

but you know never went full like I'm gonna sell it all the way full I am Sam oh you know what he because now I'm just looking at Al Pacino's filmography but another thing I never saw and I've missed a couple of this dude's movies even though I like him as a director David Gordon Green's Mangle

Horn 2014. It's fine. Never heard of it. It's totally fine. Is it a roller coaster? You gotta go on the manglehorn with me? Oh, dude, here's a... You go upside down for two minutes. It's got great big seat belts. A total debasing performance is in the film Danny Collins from 2015. He's like an aging music star.

Neil Diamond type. Oh, my God. That's another nope. Yeah. Like I said, it is arguable that it's 17 years. But isn't that beautiful, though, like his, the end of his career, what you're saying is his tombstone, Simone, is also the tombstone of what would become of Hollywood, because of this movie, despite its flaws, despite its problems, despite it being way too fucking long, predicts kind of a lot, you know? Like, I know it, part of it was a response to the stupid Final Fantasy movie that doesn't really apply. I saw that in theaters. But the fucking, we got deep fakes. We got Luke Skywalker with fake dialogue. And we would definitely. I bet you if Dave Faloni could go on the news tonight and be like

CGI Luke Skywalker has passed away and there would be a state funeral for that motherfucker just like we get for Simone in this film. I'm going to oh Philoni I'll hook you up. I'll have Luke Skywalker talking to Grogu whatever that is. Hey Grogu how you do it. Am I supposed to punt this thing? What? I mean what's funny is when you're looking so like there is obviously a real actress portrays Simone but like what?

the Madame Nicol, right? Yes, I'm looking up her name. They fell in love on set. Oh, you don't say. Also predicts the like hologram at concerts. Yes, for sure. So, I mean, I... It is endlessly fascinating how much this movie

almost gets right. It has a stinger scene. It all has a stinger scene. This is the blueprint, not Zach Snyder, okay? Rachel Roberts. is the name of the actress who plays Simone, but I thought it was funny because, like, when you're seeing like the quote unquote final product of Simone

in these movies, they're using her just looking like herself. Sure. But when she's in this Al Pacino interface and when you're seeing him like making the movie or whatever, they kind of like computify her a little bit. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. That 2002 computification of that woman's face looks exactly like fucking Tarkin Town and Leah and all,

like, and we're talking nearly 20 years between these fucking things and you can't make it look better than that by now. And folks, you just, you can't accept this gruel. You really can't. You know what I mean? I saw that. There's that quote that went a little viral,

that tweet a little viral like, this is the Luke Skywalker I always wanted. It's him doing the thing. It's not him because it's not, Luke Skywalker is not just a picture that moves around. It's a performance. It's Mark Hamel making choices. That's what Luke Skywalker is.

Unless you recast it. And then it's whomever is doing that. which would be great. That's why Star Trek will always win this shit because they did the Abrams reboot and like yeah yeah yeah legacy Nimoy stuff whatever that I think is great and it makes

sense for the story but using new actors you know it just the recasting worked and you totally thank you for bringing that up because you know Winona Ryder's in this movie and she's looking so pretty I want to put a spock in her belly oh my God I'm sorry for saying that but it's true

She looks great in this way. Well, this is probably like towards, this is probably in the middle of her troubles. When was the shoplifting? I was watching the movie last night. She was blacklisted for. I feel like it's after this. Okay.

But maybe I mean, because she was coming. Because you're making this movie in 01 and I don't think she was having these troubles in the 90s. Black Swan was the comeback. Yes. So what was the trouble? Like, oh, she was shoplifts.

She got a problem. Who gives a shit? No one should. Oh, this in 2001. So, yeah, it probably just happened probably when she was filming this movie or whatever. She's like, I'm going to fuck. I'm in Simone. I better start finding. I need to get my fix

someplace. Dude, I think that might have been what it was, right? She's like, I'm doing this movie with Gattaca guy. I'm so bored. He hasn't had a movie in fucking five years or whatever. I'm doing this shit. Better swipe some stuff from the store. Winona, the budget's lean.

We need you to steal stuff. And I mean, like, yeah, I mean, obviously, her whole fucking, quote unquote cancellation was horse shit, because, like, Sony were doing so much worse. It was just stealing? That was it. And it was like, oh, my God, we can't have that woman in a movie. She's just, oh, my God.

Well, because it's embarrassing that she didn't do a big crime. Exactly. She's like, if she had actually, like, somehow embezzled like three million dollars from, like, some skin care line, that'd be one thing. I'd be fine with that, too. I think she can do no wrong. I hope she's listening. Well, you're trying to put Spock's at people. I hope she hears this, bro.

Because you could, you could steal from me any time. I mean, she is. still continuing to slay, because she's fucking great on Stranger Things. Yeah. Totally great. You know, that movie she did her and Keanu there, was it the engagement party or whatever? Not good.

But I think the two of them play off each other well in that movie. That movie, like the gimmick of it was like very stupid and the whole thing just didn't work. Was this like the magic mailbox movie? No, you're thinking of the lake house with Keanu and Sandy Bullock. No, this

is Keanu and and Winona go to a wedding and the whole concede is like they never interact with other people. It's like a two person play with like extras all around them. It's very strange.

It doesn't particularly work as a movie but they're good together in it. That movie is a dare. They're like, I bet you, if we put Keanu Reeves and Winona Ryder in the movie, nothing else fucking matters.

They could literally have nobody directed, nobody write it, nobody else in it really. Yeah. And it'll be fine. And like, yeah, you fail. what's it called destination wedding destination wedding thank you so this movie is i mean it's it's it's the problem is it's it wants if it's you got to go full satire if you're going to do it

and you need it to be absolutely funny and big and not emotional really at all like you don't no no no no notes the katherine keener stuff the what's her fit the evan rachel wood stuff just detracts detracts the tracks the problem is it all hinges on hiding simone and specifically the opening of this door on the studio lot being the thing that cannot happen. Because everything is to avoid. Like, I think this should be Globetrot. Like, he should be going to film festivals, like stuff like that.

That would be nice. I would open up this movie a little bit, but that's not what, because it's, there's no imagination. They're only like, it can only be in this room on this disc. Yeah. We can't be moving this thing.

You know what a lot of this movie has to it? I feel like there's a lot of like Mrs. downfire to this movie. Yep. Well, that's what happens because it becomes this farcical thing where it's like, oh, Simone's in the shower, whatever. And what I was saying on the group chat the other night, this movie had the potential to be a nice mix-up of something like Wag the Dog and the player. And I'm just saying the player because it's the most recent industry movie I watched just over the weekend. That movie is still a fucking five-star masterpiece.

But, yeah, the fact that it is so concerned with like hiding the identity of Simone versus Wag the Dog where it's like a whole team. is in on it people you know there's avenues that they can go down in that movie I do not understand like are you so stupid that you don't think the fucking studio heads would love this yeah they would be like fuck yeah are you kidding me absolutely yep let me help you

do you want a billion dollars we're going to give you a billion dollars to start with because the movie starts out with like Pacino is pull you know it's the fucking reference to the Van Halen rider pulling the the red Mike and Ikes out of the ball which first of well why would you throw away the chariots, the best Mike Nike, whatever. But he's like doing that shit. And like,

Winona's character is like, dude, just dump that whole fucking thing in the garbage. You can get the fuck out of here. No way. Mike and I'm like so on here. I'm with Steve. I will join your cause. I'll get like nine of them in my mouth. Just a big old fucking ball of Mike and ikes at the movie theater. I'm not a

radical like here. Shewing that shit like a camel. Absolutely. You turn into a fucking camel. You get those Mike Nikes on the back teeth. I'm spitting all over the floor. And the reason we have this in this movie is because we're, I guess we're framing it. And this is why we don't involve the studio heads. And it is like the state of the industry, we're taken over by the stars.

We're kind of hem and hawing about the old studio system here with Pacino saying we used to be able to rename them, tell them what to wear, et cetera. All that stuff. Yeah. And like, so the movie is starting out being like, here's this problem star. He's like, it's gone to her head and she's a monster and everything. Do your point, Chris. Like, yeah. Catherine Keener would eat this shit up.

up in two seconds if Pacino just spilled the beans. Yeah, absolutely. And like this first scene to me really highlights like this feels like Jim Carrey should have played this character. Yeah. There need to be somebody with a little bit more zip because Al Pacino's very tired. I don't know what's going on. I don't know if he was just eating melatonin every morning. He's supposed to be a tired film director. I feel like I'm defending this movie more than I want to. I get it. But like you can't have both. Like the comedy is zippy. And to have it be like, go to hell, please. But here's the other thing.

You're totally right because in 1998, it was proven that Jim Carrey works really well with dialogue Andrew Nicol writes because that motherfucker wrote the Truman show. So like he would be able to work with that material so much better. I also, I'm sorry, the biggest leap of this movie and it has nothing to do with the world

becoming fascinated with a fake CGI actress, the most unbelievable part of this movie that I had to stretch my imagination so far is Al Pacino teaching himself to use this computer program what are you talking about like when Elias Codias like pitches the whole thing to him at the start of the film

like Pacino's like oh I don't know anything about computers and then it's like nine months later and he's just this maestro orchestrating this thing is a one man wetta this guy like he's just put Gallup wherever wants to be.

Get more Al Pacino's in STEM. It's weird because we're coming off like the dot com boom and this is sort of kicking off the dot com boom, right? Because this is sort of, it's like a weird science type of thing where it's like, I've invented a new kind of bee. Stunningly, dude, speaking to weird science,

I could not believe there wasn't a thing where like he's getting this fucking character together or whatever and there's some fucking shot of her tits and he's like, maybe a little bigger, maybe a little bit. Oh, that's a little too. he does say at some point and I want to get into the movies he makes because they baffle me but they really they really do I have an answer for what those movies are but I'll wait but you'll hang up and listen I'll hang up but I I it's um they do say specifically that he is

making her nude in all these movies and she is like I don't have a problem with nudity he's yeah you're getting fuck today Simone oh my god everybody remembers monsters ball well look at this this is a brave shit Simone this is a studio picture that's got skin slapping skin we're gonna put in a little more

Sophia Loren but so like the movie and I think that these are my two questions one are these movies supposed to be good like good movies like because people are like impressed with her they fall in love with her yeah part of it is like

he's such a genius director that no actress or actor can really convey what he wants. So he's acting as Simone because he feeds the voice. Yes. And it modulates it. So in a way, we're just saying this whole movie's just like, Al Pacino's a pretty good actor.

You can't tell here, but he can't. I mean, Steve, I think yes, in the world, they're supposed to be good movie. There's supposed to be great movies even. But like, this is a problem whenever you show like a creative process. Like Studio 60 on the Sunset Trip, no, no. The

fucking, they weren't funny. Nothing was funny. So it didn't make any sense. Yeah. This, I'm like watching, I'm like, who would, who would sit through this? Yes, exactly. I was genuinely baffled as like, even the fake stupid movie

and burn after reading. I'm like, I understand why somebody would watch that. This, I do not understand it. I think it's, there's two possibilities floating around here with it. One is maybe it's some sort of joke about like, art house culture. Yeah. Except for the fact that this is like a major

studio making this movie. So, But isn't around now like the aughts when the studios kind of took over the art house indie movement like Little Miss Sunshine by Fox Searchlight and it's just full of stars and it's just artificial indie? Well in all

yeah in the in the aughts you had all of those shingles where it was like Paramount Vantage and Warner Brothers WB Independent all this stuff all those like this movie are mutations of American Beauty American Beauty did well and they're like we can do it we can be an

Oscar movie and have comedy in it. We can meld the two. But talking about the movies in the movie, though, the other thing that I'm the theory I'm running with here, what do you notice about those movies, like how they look when you're watching them on screen? They have the same vibe as Gattaca. Yes, they do. This is a thing where I think he's like, if I was able to make these movies I wanted to

make after Gattaca, they'd fucking look artistic and gorgeous like this. Especially that last one where it's like fucking J. Moore standing there and she drives off in the car the filter that's going on there that's exactly how Gattaca looks the whole movie. But then there's other scenes when like I mean there's that scene and we're going

all of this movie's, we're not going beat by beat we'll be here until Tuesday but there's the scene when like he's waiting to see he's like oh I'm really when he finally gets the movie out and he's in the bathroom like they're going to figure me out he is in the saw bathroom

it is green hello Mr. could you use my script for your next movie actually dude that's way better for them saw movies if jigsaw was like a jaded screenwriter instead of a due to ed cancer look I think that the Tarantino revival is just about to come right back around the bend

he has a falling out with Winona Ryder because she she backs out of the movie like the movie's almost done she backs out anyway He has a fucking kind of killer line actually to her because she's like fleeing the lot and whatever and he's trying to get her to stay on the project and he goes or she goes like oh

it's not even worth it. I already sent a press release saying I left the movie due to creative differences and he goes creative differences are you're not creative and I was like ooh that's kind of cool it is but this movie is monstrously misogynistic

in a big bad way because if this was like Larry with an at symbol or something and he's like, I need a new action star. He's going to be called Larry. You know what I mean? That would be a movie. But this is just like, I don't know, man. I just need

a pretty face so people can shut the fuck up for five minutes. Yeah, because the reason behind Winona Ryder it's not like it wouldn't be amazing if the problem was she didn't want to do a nude scene. And he's like, so I need to get I got to get around this. I need to show tits.

I just have to. It's 2002. We need Tits, tits, tach, chats. Look, we had the movie that won a bunch of Academy Awards. They were going ass to ass. Follow that logic. But, like, yeah, like, because this is the scene. This scene is when he goes up to the driver and says, To hell, please.

Yes. And I'm like, that is supposed to be a big, nice line to, like, get, like, get them out of here. And you can, to your point, you can picture Jim Carrey slaying that delivery. That's true. That's true. It just mumbles it out. Yep. All right, so then, all right.

So if Jim Carrey has to be in this movie, what movie do you, what Jim Carrey movie do you put Al Pacino in? The Majestic, that would work. I was thinking of the mask. Somebody fucking stop me. Yeah, that's actually true. I'll be by your apartment between nine and five to put in that cable. Yes, who cable guy, I like this.

Hold on to your luck nuts, boys. That's time for an overhaul. Brinkle is Einhorn. And oh, baby. Einhorn is Finkle. Quick question. Oh, Steve, come here quick. This is pretty transphobic, though. This twist is kind of like

making me want to not be in this movie. So, like, she leaves and Catherine Keener, he has this big scene. The amount of Jay Moore in this movie is staggering. Dude, I... He got one big, legitimate laugh out of me, I will admit, towards the end

of the film. I have to admit, he feels like he was simoned into this movie. He doesn't look real he doesn't he looks he looks different i think what is there's a hair cut speaking about the haircuts and hair what in hair dye my lord alpuccino oh this shoe polish in his gray hair oh dude he's like fucking rudy juliani with that shit's insane that's what's so stupid because like in any given sunday which comes out two or three years before this he there's gray streaks in his hair like it's very prominent and i'm just like it doesn't look right it makes i guess though if you're thinking

about like character design it does make sense he's a fucking hollywood director. He would possibly do that. I would like that if that came up. But like the whole point is that he's a very serious director. He's not like all the he's not, but you can still listen though. It would be great if this was about a Mick G. Well, that would be something. But I directed the bad naked lady. I think though, but but the dying thing still like when he's playing a cop or whatever, then you're like, dude, you're not a fucking chestnut brown hair. Al Pacino. in 2007. But talking about his appearance,

I was shocked. Again, I haven't seen, there's two things about this movie that shocked me. I'll tell you the first one now and I'll hang up

and listen. The, it's the beginning. I, like he looks a lot more like he doesn't like heat like young, not young Alpachita, not like fucking Godfather Alpachita, but like that 90s Alpich because again,

I just watched House of Goose to you over the weekend. He's very noticeably old in that movie. And like, you know, like, what's about a time? Like that whole thing, there's a point.

I think it's probably around the recruit, maybe later than the recruit, maybe when that Matthew McConaughey 2 for the money movie, that's when he starts to get like real old man face. I mean, he's old, obviously, he's older. I mean, Ocean's 13 is the good old man before he goes full like Irishman. Like, I'm aging out. Yes, yeah. Yeah, well, because he's a really old guy. Because now he's got, I mean, he is so much closer to Danny DeVito than he is Al Pacino now. Like, I remember you were there when at New York.

New York Film Festival when they did the Irishman and they did a big press conference and they were all there. It was an incredible moment like as a movie fan to see all these people in the same room. But I could not get over two things. One the scarf Al Pacino was wearing known for his scarves. This thing was like

touching the floor because he's shrinking. He's got the old man humpback and he's looking like Danny DeVito. It's really something. That should be the new twins. Him and Danny DeVito and Al Pacino. Al, do you want to be in this movie with me and Danny? We were made.

We were made in a laboratory. Do you? That movie's got to be done now, right? The twin sequel? The twin sequel? It has to be. Unless Jason wants to rob his crave again. Honestly, that might, I mean, like, that's an old man picture.

Go ahead, Jason. Become an old man director. Yes. You know what? We need a steady flow of going out in styles and fucking Mary Gold Slop Old Man Sex Hotel movies. Don't let Zach Braff steal all your fucking food, man. Oh, I forgot he directed that.

Did he really? Which one? Going in style. Going in style. That's what it was called. I thought maybe he got into those hotel sex movies. Now that's where the real coin is made. So I guess his career is like what Barry Sondonfeld before Men in Black maybe? Yeah, I guess so. That's kind of interesting. Or a, um, oh, Lordy there. I'll picture him. Like, oh, I better not let anyone know that all these aliens. were fake in the movie. I'm directing Men and Black.

Oh, no, they're real. Oh, no, no, no. The slug guy. Oh, he'll be out here later. Oh, I'm going to hide in a hotel room and pretend the slug is dancing with me. I'm shooting Miller's crossing over here. Yeah, you know, the Balchidion,

you just missed that guy. He just left. I love the Balchidian. A good friend of mine. Great guy. But, so she, like, they have this scene, and it's kind of nuts because he's just like,

what happened? And again, more misogyny because she's like a high-powered executive is like, what happened to you? We used to live, we used to do

Kazavetti's movies and I'm like, she was like nine. You want to look at the year that Catherine Keener had in 2002. Sure.

This is a real roller coaster here. I don't remember this because I haven't seen it in a really long time. She plays herself in adaptation. Yes.

Okay. Then this movie Soderberg's full frontal. Yeah. And get ready for this one. If I want to see Full Frontal, I wouldn't want Stephen Soderberg. I don't know, man. I heard he's got Godzilla's tail down there.

Really? All right. I'll cue that up. Death to Smoochie is the other one. Death to Smoochie. Speaking of Danny DeVito. Speaking of movies that don't work. Dreadful. I'm sorry.

I mean, some people probably have some nostalgia for it, but I feel like that movie just didn't work on any level. I agree. And I want to say there's even some like recent-ish, like, re-evaluation of that movie. and I was like, shut that shit down. There's been an attempt. That thing cannot be re-evaluated or brought back

because it contains a dramatic performance by John Stewart. We do not allow that. Those things should be buried. That's why Big Daddy doesn't exist. Is that his new show? Is it a dramatic John Stewart? Like, oh, no, the world. Isn't it just interview?

Oh, is he doing the actual show? I don't know what he's doing. He's got some Apple Plus thing that they're so terrible at advertising the shit. I don't even know. I tried to watch the first episode and it was, like we're going to cry about something somewhere in some other place. I'm like all right, I'm going to change a channel. But I mean

like, but talking about Keener and being John Malcovic is what this movie sort of, that tone. I mean, it's, it's dark, it's weird, but like, because that movie gets big fucking swings, you know what I mean? And like when it's silly and when it gets over the top, it's like, that makes

sense. Obviously it's a totally different world of a movie, but this it's, again, like, because it's, they try and keep it too grounded is the problem. it's also like you know maybe I'm wrong about this but I don't really think they're making fun of Hollywood that much in this like it'd be one thing if they actually actresses yeah maybe yeah I mean that's the thing is that they're trying but I don't think it's work I think they're just like toothless like it's all the same fucking arguments oh my god they're vapid well it's in this thing it's like you're trying to insult the system while with working in it so Elias Cody just like gets him in a corner Al Pacino's got all grabs the film basically listen uh you you you you you you're can't finish this movie because you can't use any of the footage with Winona Ryder and we can't, you know, blah, blah, blah. We got to shelve it.

You got a shelve it. He grabs all the film canisters and Elias Codias, Canada's answer to Robert De Niro, grabs him. Pretty good answer. It's a great answer. You're right, because what else is there? You can't say Michael J. Fox. No, no.

It pisses me off, though. One, you know, who knows what was going on? He's, Codias is uncredited in this movie. and also like I you know this is my major complaint with any movie Elias Codius is in

not enough Elias Codius oh boy I meant to I meant to call Bobby I'm yeah I even mixed them up I thought I was calling Bobby I called Elias

oh he'll work he'll work don't worry about it so this could have been the second time seeing them on the screen before righteous killed so that's the thing is like Elias Codius or whatever you can picture

being like a recluse computer guy Robert De Niro hands you a fucking disc. What is it on it? Like photos of his kids' graduation? My granddaughter's birthday party. Yep. At the time, he was attempting to be Hannah Barbera characters.

So, I mean, this was right around Rocking Bullwinkle, right? Oh, yeah. That's like 2000, I think. I think he was speaking for the fences around this, but still, Elias Codius, I actually really like. I thought he was very engaging in this role. He is. It's just not enough. I mean, because he, his character

dies. I was laughing at some parts in this movie. I know it's not all that funny, but the parts where he's just like, well, call me this way, because I'll be dead next week. Totally. He's like, oh, you know, we met at some conference and the conference was like, it was like the San Diego

Futurism Convention. He's like, he gave a speech on why do we need women or something like that? Or why do, I think it was like, why do we need actor? Yeah, why do you? It's kind of funny because Pacino's like, oh yeah, I remember you. They booed you off the stage. rightfully so I mean he's got

like an eye patch over his eye he's just rambling while is Al Pacino putting a body in his car no this I don't understand he's clearing out this stage that he's been working at or whatever and it's multiple framed paintings

I think there might be an office involved or something he's basically I guess there's some line I guess he made three movies that tanked with the studio and he's being let go maybe he had a writing office as well in there and he's just clear just some night stealing it is because they are massive framed paintings

though he's trying to shove in this car and yeah Elias Cody's like corners him and is like look I have it it took me I smelled her I licked her and I immediately would be like security security how did he even get on the studio lot which is another

big question he should have came by the house and it could have been like an early morning or early night we could have got some Michael Mann shots of that fucking beach. Dude, yeah, it's a heat house. It is a heat house. And we never turned the heat on. It's a big problem. Absolutely, he probably

tried that. He showed the security guard Simone. He's like, you can liquor. You can smell it. Just let me on the I'll come back here and you can liquor. Well, I have licked or smelled anything in a while. Go right ahead. Listen, I'm a lot of sandwich and that's it. I'm dying and I want to give you

my pornography. I've selected you to earn my Eric, you're in my will big big guy. Thank God. Thank you. I can use a windfall like that. All those buckets of pornography. Yeah, 100 terabytes. Thank you, sir. And Codias is like, you know, the thing I

have for you, it's art and science, the perfect marriage of the two, blah, blah, blah. And he gives him, you know, this hard, or no, he's like, call me, that's what this is. Call me. You know, I only have a week. I got I got an inoperable brain tumor because I sat in front of the computer too long. That's some fucking, you're

grandma's yelling at you to get away from the TV shit. That might, I was like... Yeah, that's not really true. Just say you have a brain tumor. I think that's trying to it's trying to establish like this guy was working so hard on Simone. It killed him. I mean, I was also smoking with my eyelids. But

I think it was the computer screen. And this is when, and he just drives off and then, you know, Elias goes to call me next this week or else I'll be dead. And the next scene really elicited it's why this movie doesn't work because it's a this is the nine months later. It's It's nine months late. No, no, no, it's one week later because, oh, yes, you're totally right.

He hasn't gone to drive yet. Yeah, I forgot about that. He's like, on the phone, so he's like, I don't know, these creditors are coming after me left and right. And then somebody knocks on his door. And he's like, I got to run on the beach. And it's like, it's got a fun, plunky music. And like, this is where you want to Robin Williams or Jim Carrey or somebody. Yeah. Get away from me. Get away from me. It's not funny. This is kind of weird. Definitely not. Question about that. So like, yeah, Pacino's on the phone. and he has someone, you know, knocking on the door and he freaks out. And he goes out the back. We have this shot. I'm pretty certain because it's the character, like, goes out the deck, jumps over the side of it under the beach,

he keeps running. I'm pretty sure that that is Al Pacino doing that stunt. Oh, good for him. Awesome. Which I thought was pretty cool. He believed the project. But yeah, this dude's chasing him, and he's like, you know, I'm not a creditor. I'm, you know, the executor of the state of Elias Codius. He left you something in his will,

and I just have to deliver it to you. and it's this hard drive and Pacino again is just like I don't even know I had a computer I don't even have a VHS plan when he takes when he finally unraps

and sits down at his gigantic and it's a black monitor which I felt like was kind of rare for the time very nice little setup he's got there I'm a gamer

get my gaming chair out got another monitor coming love a good fly Simulator But so yeah he puts this fucking Again this is crazy I'm surprised he even understands

how to hook this like solid state hard drive up to this computer Like to make it look more futuristic It's like a hard drive without the casing on it so it like Yeah He would have no idea what to do with this And the thing comes up and it just says

You know welcome to simulation one and he's like, oh, a computer? And then it's like nine months later. And he is getting ready. Oh, before the nine months later, we do see the face come up on screen and he's looking at it. And then it's like nine months later.

And his pants are off nine months later. I haven't left this chair in nine months. We're sending off to this lady's face. He's fucking Randy Marsh on that South Park where it just comes is all over the room. And he's all day. I'm storing it in jars. Hey, Catherine Kina,

If you want to have another one, I got some jars. It keeps. And we're doing a screening of this movie. It keeps, God, that is just so disgusting. It's been in a perfect weather environment. I've been chilling it in a perfect temperature. I'm certain it does not, sir. Just put it.

No, no, take it your finger. Put a little up there. We'll see what happens. So they're watching this movie. And it's like, you know, knock off Gattaca, you know, design. whatever and here's Jay Moore. It's more like the room. Like if there's this tint of like yeah, at least like the Gattaca, there's a sense like of some competency. But I think this looks like it was like half a video game. I think that's half the almost part of the joke is like weepy Oscar

garbage. Right. Right. Um, and so Jay Moore has this. I don't even remember what goes down in this last scene, but there's like a Valerie no or whatever. Do you guys think betwixt takes like get and all that out. Jay Moore was like, you know, Al, what I'm really going for here is like in the Godfather when you yell, Apollonia, no! I'm kind of doing that. Do you think like, how did you get to that level when you were saying Apollonia, no? Because I have to say Valerie, no. And I want to try to do it like you. I'm sure he's got a good Pacino. I'm sure he has to. He's just consistently in things I don't care about. Precisely. Jerry McGuire is maybe the only one. Total exception. Totally it made me the only one. So you guys are talking

shit about that, what is it, Polly, the bird one? Yeah, oh, Polly. Polly, thank you. Polly is a movie with J. Moore where there's a talking bird, folks. Isn't the, is J. Moore the main character of that movie? He is and he does do the voice of the bird, I believe. Oh, really? I didn't know that. To himself voicing the bird? I believe so.

Fucking talented dude. Open seat right here, fella, if you don't want to stop on. I will say there were times on S&L when J. Moore was making me laugh, too. he may have invented the walk in. He's funny and go. Like he's good in these places. That's true. I forgot about that. I think it was fashionable to bash Jay Moore. And I don't care if you do now. But like if you look back now like his contemporaries at the time, what like Rob Schneider and Chris Catan and shit like that. Not great. I don't know, man. Maybe we gave Jay Moore a bad rap. And maybe if there is some horrible story about him doing something real bad, I don't know about it. Just let me. I'll let. I'll let. I'll hang up and listen about why he's a horrible person. Don't text and tweet me about this. I beg of you.

But yeah, so like the movie ends. We have a little thing that comes up and says like for Hank. And yeah, this is Pacino's like fucking calling himself a loser at the bathroom and whatever. And then like these dudes come in and they're like talking shit. But what is the joke here? It's because it's, oh, it's. The set design is like they're like,

that was supposed to be Lebanon. on fucking no here's what it is so like they come in and you don't know right away what they're talking about like that was terror i couldn't even believe it that looked so fake is what they oh yes specifically it looks so fake and Pacino's like uh-oh and he leaves the bathroom and then you hear these dudes go like we're really supposed to believe that's 19th century lisbon and then i was like but i saw the clip of j more at the end of the movie and the woman's walking out on the water and they do not look like it's a 19th century clothing at all. Maybe those dudes had a point.

And or maybe it was a different movie. I don't know. I mean, again, it's muddled. You don't know if they're at a multi-bott. To me, this looks like a single screen movie palace situation. It's supposed to be that movie. Okay. So it's like a big, you know, then this movie turns a surprise hit, I suppose.

And then immediately we've got like spitting magazines that say Simone Mania. And this is where it's just. like the fucking Beatles-esque ascension of this woman from this, I mean, it is a tough pill to swallow. It sort of doesn't make any sense. No, it does. You think about somebody like the meteoric rise of the only other actress aside from maybe Julia Roberts that I could see having this kind of anything is Angelina Jolie.

Sure. But Angelina Jolie made all of these like small art house movies to start and like, oh, you know who's good, Angelina, New England. Then she's in hackers that gets bigger. Yeah. She blew up in bigger movies. And had a famous father, which obviously helped things along. Only insofar that everybody loves talking about how much she fucking hates him, which is great. But now, but I'm sure she got an agent pretty quick. But I mean, like nobody watched her fucking Clint Eastwood movie.

You know what I mean? Or that fucking. The changeling, right? The changeling. You know what I mean? I just do think that the public isn't going to go apeshit over an art house movie with a beautiful woman, no matter how beautiful or exciting this woman may happen to be? You are correct. But you are forgetting that this.

movie would work if it was way more of a funny satire. If you made that move in a satire, you would buy it. But because it insists on being stupidly dramatic and grounded, then you have this thing. And you're like, but how? Like how many people saw this movie? How did this movie get all over the world so fast like that? People made a note of Amy Adams when she was in Junebug, but it didn't make Junebug the biggest movie in the fucking world

nobody's seen it. Yes. And it's also like fine. I don't think it's bad but to your point no one was blowing the doors off for it could have never gotten to this level with no one knowing that she was fake. I'm sorry I know like

Catherine Phoenix goes through the whole budget of like there's no stunt woman no wardrobe no whatever but it's like there's also no paycheck. I guess it's going to a fake it's going to him. I'm going to hold on I want to, don't worry, I'll hold on to all Simone's checks. Dude, hashtag Free Simone, by the way. I think the movie is whatever, but it really

falls apart in the end because it's like, you tell me the federal government doesn't know shit about social security numbers and the IRS and the rest of it. Again, totally believable if it's a fucking silly, you know, send up satire. But the thing is, at the end, they do make, because he has, he must

have had to like start dummy corporations to fucking launder this. Because he's the concert that has, the, the concert that happens. He's like, Victor Tversky Management presents. And I'm like, what the fuck? Yep. Actually, he's going to jail no matter what. Oh, yeah. While they were talking this through, it's starting to sound more possible to me because,

you know, you have stars like Emma, Emma Watson from the Harry Potter franchise who, like, what was she was like putting her money through Pan? What was that whole controversy? Oh, yeah. She was named to the Panama paper. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. So I think there's, yeah. But I mean, the thing is like, this person, this woman, you're like, oh, cool. I found a perfect actor.

She's an unknown. She's going to replace one-owned writer. She's an amazing. She's going to blow the doors off. Oh, great. Can I have her W-2 and her fucking SAG card? These are things you need. You cannot work in this country than a W-2.

If you're going to ground your movie like you insisted on doing like this, you have to respond to questions like that. And I will totally gleefully ignore those questions if I'm understanding that what I'm watching is a silly industry satires. And they don't let just anyone into SAG. If you're not in SAG, guess what?

you're not in the fucking movie. Yeah, that's right. You're saggy. Oh, dude, and then let me creatively find out like when that Simone isn't sag and Jay Moore starts a fucking protest. Like they do a walkout.

Or actually, hey, I got a great idea. Why don't you film it in England? Oh, why? Get around that. Get some free interns

to be in your movie. What if Peter Sarah Vinovitz did the voice for Simone? Just saying. What if you kept all the money wouldn't that be nice if you just got to keep all the money

Pacino does have an interesting line that in a better movie would hit harder he goes our ability to manufacture fraud has surpassed our ability to detect it which I think is like the whole fucking pieces of this thing which is really interesting but just gets flushed down

the fucking toilet because this part of the movie starts the most boring parts of this movie which is just Al Pacino in a massive studio warehouse with three little monitors talking to this fucking computer and doing the voice

of the woman. This is the thing that I got wrong about this movie for 20 fucking years. They never saw it until last night. I always thought this was a singularity movie. Like she, that she is a computer program that becomes self-aware. That's how

a trailer plays it. That's how it looks. That would actually be more interesting. A better movie because the way that it actually works is because I thought it's like I made a computer program that acts for me and oh no Simone now you're telling me what to do that would be something but this is where he has like he is always acting every time she talks he's in a microphone and it comes out modulated through our voice yeah which is kind of like it's fun but it's also kind of boring and they yes it flirts almost one time like she cries without him doing it and I was like is that what we're doing

I thought yep I thought exactly what you were thinking at that moment I was like oh now she's becoming self-aware excellent because there's even like the tear thing and then in that same shot his hand because like it's this whole thing where like there's a camera so like his movements are mimicked by her

in the program and like his hand is out of sync with her hand and I was like oh we're doing like a groucho Mark's thing right here like he's going to realize she's become self-aware and I guess it's just a huge fucking flub on the movie's part now I want that to happen in real life suddenly Peter Cushing's with

us again oh dude and then fuck robot Mark Hamill attacks real Mark Hamill. Oh shit. I got to go at it. And then all these fucking Star Wars fans will be like, well, I always wanted the 1983 Mark Hamill, so I'm glad he killed real life

Mark Hamill. Yes. Kill the real one. Kill him now. Well, the real one. He could die. He should die. The algorithm Hamill wouldn't have been in the last shit. I so. Good. God, you fucking people are exhausting.

I think the thing with the the computer in the room is like Al Pacino is one of the few actors where you would be like I could watch that guy talk to himself for 30 minutes straight you don't actually want to do that that's right but they actually do that well that's I'm so hungry I can eat a horse

like I don't want to actually eat a horse though I'd like to eat like a oh I was waiting for you to finish because then I was going to do a horse impression but now the whole thing Oh sorry but it's this part is incredibly boring one thing we cannot stress

enough, though, which we haven't talked about yet, is that he, not only is just in this room by himself doing this computer, he is getting loaded the entire time. Oh, it is kind of a secret, like, and I've kind of just like, I'm just fucking getting ripped, talking to Simone. And it's getting worse, because when the first time he loads it

up on the little, sorry. So I'm speaking of loaded, Chris Cabman, dropping his jumbo beer right now. So it starts, when we first see him in with the little, like, black computer, he's smoking the cigarette. And it's beautiful. I really, I really, I got to say, yep, especially because I haven't seen it.

None of us in this room have seen it yet. We're recording this episode days before the Batman comes out. This donkey shit revelation that they didn't let Colin Farrell smoke as the penguin, fuck you. And watching this movie, I was like, you suck back them cigarettes. Al Pacino, you smoke as many as you want. God damn it. You know why?

Because you're a fucking adult and this is a movie for adults. Dude, Burgess Meredith would have quit acting if he wasn't allowed to show. You would have just, we would have never had Burgess Marriott. Oh, good thing I have this on my computer, Burgess Meredith.EX. See, yeah, because if we had stuck with the Jared Leto joker, he would be definitely a Joker that vapes. Oh, yeah. But, yeah, so he's just getting ripped, ricked. But good thing, good point, Eric, because, like, you kind of see how this thing works.

So it's like, yes, it's Simone and he could make her hair look whatever. It's this actress Rachel Roberts, who's actually pretty good in this movie, I think. Yeah, she's totally fine in this movie. Can I say some of those? No, you can't. I have to. I'm sorry, Eric. Stop trying to stop me. Stop it. Overruled.

Stop it. I'll let you approach the bench though if you want to tuck out your case. So the thing, you're watching the movie. You see clips of the sunrise, sunset, I think is called. Correct. The problem is, is that she looks fake in the movie. Yes. Like, you had to shoot the scene with her in it to make it look like, so I would be, at least like make me believe it. I know these idiots aren't supposed to believe it, but it's not like they even make a joke about it looking bad. But it's weird, though, because when they do, like, you know, when she winds up doing, like, those television interviews or whatever, they're literally just using her.

Yes. And that whole, like, making her look shitty filter is gone away. Yeah. And I think even by the time they get to, like, whatever the last movie is, when she's crawling around and pig slopper. Oh, yeah. Her own art film, I am pig. Yeah. Like, that's literally just her walking around.

She doesn't look like a computer. But at the start of this, it does. And I guess, like, we're just supposed to believe out. Pacino's getting even better at using this program? It's supposed to be all reshoots in the first film, right? Like, they actually just superimposed her over Winona Ryder or whatever. I mean, it's supposed to be re. You're supposed to put her in the shoot.

I mean, like, that's my literally my own problem. Like, fucking right now, like, when you see Tark and you're like, oh, my God, he's back. Like, convincingment, they're not trying to convince you. They just want you there. This, they're trying to convince you, and I'm not convinced. Yeah. Well, is that because you know it's a movie about a computer generated an actress? But the clip from the movie should look

like natural. Like it should look somewhat. At the same time, I think they're trying to make it look sort of artificial. But that was, it's that movie. That would be cool, but they don't do anything with it.

They're literally just like, it's there. Yeah. I guess if it's a joke, it's there. He does have this totally pathetic line though, quote unquote, to her where he goes,

I'm so relaxed around you. And he's just drinking. And you're like, ah, you're going to be like cybering with this thing by the end of the movie? Absolutely. But that's the problem is if you're cybering with you, you're like,

I want to fuck you, Simone. Yeah, I want to fuck you, Al Pacino. Yeah, let's have sex. Oh, you did so big Al Pacino. Yeah, party's right. We need more beer. That's it. You're describing masturbation to the TV.

Well, yes, I know that. That's what your mind is saying, just so you know. But the best part about this whole movie is so the way that this acting works is Elis Codius has like an IMDB of all. great performances and it's just he's like oh you're pretty good

you're a little too much Merrill Street let's get a little more I forget who even says like maybe Sophia Loren or something there's Sophia Loren Lauren Bacall

was the one he was adding a little more Lauren Bacall and as he's rolling past there's Jody Foster like young Jody Foster which I found weird and then

but he rolls past Ernest Borgne in his computer Simone what did you do today? I like to masturbate a lot. We need more

Borg 9 eyebrows on you Simone. Yeah, okay. All right, so Jay Moore, this is your love scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You fucking be good, Jay Moore. Bend me over. That's right. In her next picture, she's going to play a cab driver in a New York City

prison. I'm the remake and Marty with Simone. Yeah, and that whole thing It's another kind of blown opportunity Because he's like, oh, you know I'm going to modify

The way you speak I need you to have this Also this like physical move That Audrey Hepburn Yes Makes in Breakfast at Tiffany's Is it Breakfast of Tiffany's?

I think it is Or maybe it's Roman Holiday I forget I think it's Tiffany's One of them there movies And it shows like the clip From the film And I was like

Oh interesting So this movie is gonna have a lot of that we're looking at like classic Hollywood clips and stuff. That's kind of interesting. Nope, absolutely the only time that happens in the movie. We're going to do Pride and Prejudice. How does her hair look like? Painteen ProVee actually started back in the 18th century.

Okay, I need you to do some more Jack Nicholson here. I need to Nicholsonify this woman by another 7%. It's just like, Watching this is very frustrating because I could see so many good ideas like floating around and you just can't quite get this thing to work. Here's something. This movie is way too much J. Moore, as I said earlier. It is way, way, way too much Pruitt Taylor vins.

And I'm a fan. I'm a fan of Pruitt. He's a nice spice. You know what I mean? Like him and Constantine like dying in that fucking bodega like trying to drink all that alcohol. It's amazing. Him in that wretched identity stay tuned. It's also

just weird to see him as the number one and Schwartzman as the number two. It's very odd. The movie also withholds like exactly who they are. I felt like you should have just led with them being magazine paparazzi people because I feel like we're trying to

we're trying to add the paranoia of Pacino things to be found out. So there's government vibes from them at the start. They're in a van. listening to his phone calls. Well, to Eric's point, they have Pruitt, Taylor, Vincent, in these sunglasses. Yeah. And you only

give these sunglasses to somebody you ate. So I have to imagine Andrew Nicol fucking hated Pruitt Taylor Vincent because he puts these things. And you're right, Eric, like, if I saw him and I didn't know it was, like, you have no idea who he is, and I'd be like, oh, he's from the future. He was sent here to

kill out, but he looks like a guy who's about to give me some clutch information in the Matrix. Yeah, yeah. Because he's got these, like, pinhole sunglasses kind of did. He's like, where's Simone now? And I'm like, what? Who are you? And you, yeah, it's like, you, it's a weird thing where you're like, oh, this dude.

I think it's like 90% to do with the sunglasses. You're like, oh, this motherfucker's going to cause some trouble. And then when you realize he just works for like this movie's version of Star Magazine, you're like, you guys just spurred a memory in me. When I was in high school, I, uh, I think I was like leaving. my high school once and there was like an older man with like blonde to gray hair and he was like oh hello Eric there you are and I'm like this is me from the future I was supposed to make that joke yes I thought it was me for I literally thought it was me from the future for a second but I think he was like a psychologist that interviewed me for being fucked up one word podcast like I must have

talking to this guy like five years prior and he just expected me to remember him but but I But you know what? It probably was me from the future. What am I saying? There's a funny, ish, ish bit where Jay Moore is trying to get a role in the next Pacino Simone film. And he's bullshitting like, oh, I ran into Simone on the lot the other day. And like, you know, she said I'd be perfect for this movie. And then Al Pacino, this is like a top tier fake phone call. Like he makes a cell phone ring to like get out of talking to Jay Moore or whatever.

he's like, oh, yeah, it's Simone right now. Oh, yeah, Simone. Oh, yeah. Guess who I'm here with? Oh, you can't guess. He said he ran into you on the lot and all this shit. You're like, all right, that's kind of interesting. But then it just turns into this thing where, like, his cell phone is tapped by Pruitt Taylor, Taylor, Vince and Schwarzman. And they're like sitting in this car listening to it.

Maybe this would have been more, I don't know, interesting or whatever if it came out around the time when what the British tabloids were really actually doing that. to people. I guess we're trying to do that. I guess so. It feels like an extremely heightened version of Grant Hezlov and the guy from heavyweights in the bird cage. Oh, shit.

The chosom of reporters that are following them up. But they are in the background. These guys are everywhere. And they have their own scenes. That's the biggest problem. Once you get these motherfuckers where it's like a cut away from Al Pacino, like so not including this cell phone scene because Al Pacino is a part of that. it's literally like we go to their

office at the newspaper or whatever and I'm like oh no this is way too much I'll tell you who put if you if you're doing that and again I like Brewer Tillman there's an actor he's a lot of fun it's got to be Jack Black

you know it's early aughts you put a Jack Black and it's like okay add some comedy to this because that's the thing you're right they're very very much stacking dramatic people trying to make them do comedy not totally sticking and Schwarzman doesn't have anything to do I think he's funny when he can be.

And this is the problem with the movie here is now it's way too long and we have so much time of this fun and games of like, oh, I bet you think she's fake

but she's not. And then like he gets a hotel room. He has his assistant double as her to run outside. He kid, you know, Pacino's like kissing

the fucking mirror. Because he just kissing the mirror. Pacino is doing literal home alone shit at the window. I got Michael Jordan over here. Oh, someone's in a sexual relationship with Michael Jordan. Rocking around, the Christmas tree. I made my family disappear.

Did you get a good luck, you a little perfect? Which is what Prue Taylor Vince does. We have a whole scene of him just like reveling in the bed that he thinks she slept in. So, I mean, I guess they're trying to say that even the reporters who are skeptical, have like drinking the Kool-Aid because everyone has Simone mania yeah and it's this weird thing where like Pacino you know

he slips this fucking front desk dude at the hotel like a hundred bucks and he's like privacy all that stuff knowing the dude is going to like be a scumbag and let reporters and he like fixes the room and makes it look by the way it's not his assistant this is Rebecca Romaine

also uncredited wow yeah she's the the Simone disbanding herself right right the stand. Well, first of all right, where did Al Pacino get this fucking wig of human hair is my question. Yeah, don't ask

if you don't want to know. Oh, Victor Taransky, yeah. I used to hang out with the Manson family. I shave my neighbors at night. But that's the weirdest part. So, like, he does this, like, a home alone thing with, it's like a Barbie doll

and a light in front of a window. It's like, don't to try the lady walking by a window. You know what? But then he has fucking Rebecca Romaine anyway. like have her lady yes just have the lady folks or here's what I was hoping for man because you see the little shadow first

like going in front of the curtains or whatever and all the paparazos downstairs pissing their pants and whatnot I thought we were going to cut to this hotel suite and it's Al Pacino and a wig just dancing and that would make it even more Mrs. downfire yeah oh yeah you're totally right but this is the grossest scene in the movie

because he gets into the limo He's like, the joke is at the end of it, he puts a jacket over Rebecca Romaine and like rushes her into a car like you would a celebrity. And it's like, oh, we did it. We beat them. And she's like, oh, my God. You're so great. He's like, hey, you have a fuck a five foot three old guy before? Here's the thing, dude. You got to flip the script on that. She is like he, yes, kind of starts doing some stuff. But then like she responds way harder. and it's this weird thing where they're back at the heat house and like you know kind of getting down or whatever

and then he asks her like wait a second like are you about to sleep with me just to feel closer to Simone and she's like well is that a problem and I'm like here's another one just afflicted with Simone mania and again if it was fuck it if she's overreacting like this and you have an actor comedically physically reacting to this uncertainty. Jim Carrey falls off the bed trying to get away from her some maybe works right now as I see it

It's just fucking Rebecca Romaine Stamos fucking debasing herself by fucking sleeping with Al Pacino who looks like a laundry lady. I'm here to clean your sheets. There's nothing wrong with being a laundry lady. Laudry lady's backbone of the economy. Yeah.

Absolutely. Oh, you want to drop something off in my ass. Laundry lady, laundry lady. The new Adam Sandler's life. This summer Al Pacino is in a Happy Madison production. You have the laundry lady. It would fucking kill.

I'm not giving you quarters unless you're doing laundry right here. I'm going to need another day on that. You can't put that wet blanket in the dryer. You got to wring it out. It's going to start a fire. I'm the laundry lady. Oh, a comforter is going to cost extra laundry lady. Get out of here.

You can't. sell bootleg DVDs and my laundromat. I want to watch this movie. It would be fucking good. It would be better than Jack and Jill, which he's also in. Which I just, I just rewatched it. You rewatched that movie?

Yeah, that's right. I've never seen it. I saw it once a thousand years ago. And then I watched it again. Some random Twitch stream was broadcasting. And I was like, all right. It has its moments, but it's not. fucking good. So we had,

like this is another, and this is a really Mrs. Doubtfire vibe scene where they have like the table read for the new movie and he's, the whole thing is like,

he creates this whole thing where like Simone values her privacy and she doesn't come to set and she films her stuff separately, but this is her method and blah, blah, so it's like we're gonna meet this cast, do a table read and like talk about it. And I got Simone right here

on the speaker, phone and it's this like the voice starts talking and you're like oh how's he doing it and then it's like Pacino running to the other side of the lot to get back to his little console and like I guess there's a pre-recorded thing and then he gets

in and starts doing the voice again and like this is so sitcomy Mrs. Doubtfire the fucking social services ladies coming over to the apartment the pie in the phases. It's company not yeah totally and it's not funny because he's not funny and he has just like

bit with the security guard that guards the door and that guy's like a big comedic act not a big comedian but like you can tell he's just a comedic actor like Pacino's just giving him nothing I would say Pacino he's got desperation

yes which is kind of funny yes for sure but not full on what an actual comedic actor could do with you know who would fucking slam this out of the park by the way speaking of three's company

man the great John Ritter was still with us oh for sure yeah you could totally picture John Ritter flustered his fuck getting in the golf cart driving across the lot, the whole thing. I'm laughing already. At the very least, I need like

a Chicago fat guy piano music between when he's leaving the thing to make sure he gets back in time. Something funny, I beg of you. Also, like, I know he was long dead or like John Candy or something. Oh, yeah. Candy could have done this. Because this movie's trying to get heart.

It doesn't really get there. No. But it's a big fat, lovable oaf like candy could give you both. Because, again, Pacino's just really intense in this movie, especially like oh does he have a drinking problem i shouldn't be thinking that in a comedy you know what i mean like you know what i mean like he's really hitting the sauce hard and he's like playing it like he's like just out of it like he's just talking to himself but this is what our fans talk about us oh for sure i think he's got a drinking problem oh well i hope they're right they hope they find us

funny um but this yeah but the thing is like Simone's like okay everyone thanks for coming here I never meet anybody and I just do this and all this stuff is like so this movie can't be good because it was going to be over over two shot every single time like no one's ever actually acting with this woman totally and uh oh fuck I was I just gonna say oh a thought I had

because like again it's the wag the dog thing like Robert De Niro Hoffman would have been better Hoffman and De Niro they yes he would have they have the people around them it's a big team making the fake war the whole thing if this movie

decided to make the Pruitt Taylor Vince and Jason Swordsman characters in on it. And it's like, look fellas, I just need your help, okay? Like, that's at least kind of something. And then it's like he can share, spread the wealth of the insanity a little bit. Some

problem solving element in this movie because like, from now on, from this scene on, it's essentially like, how are they getting away with that? Yeah, exactly. How are they getting away with that? That's amazing. the major problem in the movie

it's what it's over it's two hours or something it's pretty much two hours on the dot yeah two hours and five minutes or some shit this is a one one hour movie you got here dude and you just filled it with circular logic of scenes like we kind of just repeat the same shit like we didn't even

mention it but like oh I think Simone's at this Hollywood party and now there's a stampede happening because everyone wants to see Simone and now there's another thing people think Simone is somewhere No, no, there's another. Here's another thing

where people think Simone is at. The funny thing about, you mentioned the trampoline scene. So that's like a, it's the premiere of the new movie. So this is movie number two that he's made with Simone. Standing O, of course.

And then we're having this big, like, we're outside. At first I thought it was Lincoln Center, but then I was like, no, this is in California, idiot. But just some big outside, having a reception for the movie or whatever. And yeah, it's a thing

where someone thinks they see Simone by this, you know, fountain or whatever. And it's like, I think that's Simone. Yeah. And like, There's a huge stampede and this woman like turns around and goes like, Simone, where? And all these people knock her.

And it's like, it's a funny thing. You know, and in a funny movie, I'd be laughing at it. But in this movie, you're just like, all right. There is three dead in the Simone crowd crush incident. It was kind of harrowing. I felt bad for the woman that was mistaken as Simone being fucking thrown into this pool. We've received word that Simone will be paying for the funerals of everybody stamp, stampeded, to death at her movie premiere party.

I love you, Simone. You can do that wrong. Yes, Queen. bury me. Leave Simone alone. That dude was right. It turned out, though. You can even believe it.

There's another part of that scene. So, like, oh, where's Simone? And then Al Pacino shows Catherine Keener later's like, you just miss Simone. Look at this picture. She's right behind you. I hope you're an idiot. Dude, thank you for bringing

that up, because one, yes, I hope you are an idiot because it's the worst fucking Photoshop of all time. But what's like, I think, an even bigger error and I didn't rewind it, but I was just like, there's no way it's the same look. Like, it looks like Catherine Keener from a completely

different moment in her life. It looks like she's got like a short haircut and she's wearing like a different color dress than she was wearing in the scene we just saw. Guess what? That's a moment from the film you can cut. Yes. We don't need it. But the whole Catherine Keener stuff we should just, which is

more than just a little pepper to throw out. Like she's like, she was his wife. They had, they had Evan Rachel Wood together and he's still hung up on her. She has another husband that that guy goes over. Is that who that was supposed to be? I just thought it was some guy hanging around her house. No, they actually

say it. Do they? I thought this dude was also a computer character actor. Because like, who the fuck is this guy? Come on. Apparently he does a lot of video game acting so you're not too far off. Hey, there you go. But, dude, it's kind of funny, though, because he was giving off voice actor vibes.

Well, that's the thing. It's like, if you watch any scenes with him, it looks like by contract, he is not legally allowed to touch her. Like, he's just like, we are here. We are together. Isn't it good that we had breakfast together? This is trying to illustrate that she's wrong. They're wrong for each other. You need the grip of Al Pacino.

Yeah. But, I mean, that's the thing, too. Again, if this is, is it a sense. satire on the Hollywood machine that I don't need a love story. I really do not. No, you don't. No. Well, this, now we start boiling to a point where like Catherine Kina in the studio, people are trying to bust into

this room where he keeps the giant computer. And I was like, I pause, you know, I paused and I saw how much time was left. So I knew this wasn't the case. But it's 51 minutes when we get the first thing of, I'm going to be discovered by the studio. I'm going to have to come clean to my ex-wife who works for the studio. And that might have been something. We could started wrapping up the movie once we hit that 51 minute mark.

But no, we're so far away from any of that. Because basically they come in, they find the computer and like Pacino's like, well, she's a computer addict and she's got agoraphobia. Yeah, that's just. And it's a weird. There was a beat between computer and addict who's going to say that he's the computer. Just fucking say it. Just do it.

And I think if like leave the rest of the suits out of it and it's just keener, you could do that. The whole thing is they're like, and the problem. is this just opens the next can of this movie which is like all these you know production or you know film company people are like look yeah you had a great premiere but this is tracking terribly

so when it opens like we need you to be going out to like you know we need Simone to be doing interviews because it's tracking bad and one like standing ovation at a premiere is not going to make this do box office we need her to go out and do interviews and he's like well I'll think about it

and then like again talking about like the cyclical feeling of these scenes, it's just a bunch of like, you know, she goes on some talk show and it's like via satellite via satellite, yeah, and he's like narrating the whole thing and it's like, yeah, I saw it the first time you did it.

I know what the gag is. There was a gag here with the talk show host guy talking about all the romantic links she's had. Oh, yeah. I mentioned Mick Jagger and Fidel Castro. And Stephen Hawking too. Oh, my God. Would you like to fuck me, Simone?

What do you think, Professor? That is a great fucking Fidel Castro. That was my Eddie Redmayne as Stephen Hawking. But yeah, you know, go ahead and cast Eddie Redmayne as fucking Castro, whatever. I mean, the problem is that you're just not showing the work. Like, there was a problem. Interviews need to happen. Cut, the problem solved.

Like, like, the point of movies is to show the fucking, you have to show your work. It's like fucking school. Yeah. Yeah, no, totally. And she's on Frank Graham live, we're told. Which I was like, dude, that's three letters away from Franklin Graham. And that would have been funny. And of course, we have to fucking cut over to Prude Taylor, Vincent, watching this.

I know where that tree is. I know. Which comes to fucking nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's a tree in new. First of all, like, if it was like a park in California, I'll give it to you. But oh, it's a one tree in New Mexico that you spot it. Oh, yeah.

We're sorry. We used a green screen to just put the fucking thing back there. Whoops a doodle. Which they do all the fucking time. Do you think the people on the news are actually fucking standing right there by the cityscape? Wait, what? I hope you're sitting. I see you're seated for this.

I'm happy you're seated for this. I would have dropped dead if I was standing. I can't believe that news I'm hearing. In the background behind like Jimmy Fallas. That's not really New York City. Wait a second. And like the weather ladies, not in front of map. I thought she was, I thought she was a giant woman telling me the weather. She's as big as a

country. She's stepping on the clouds. She lives in the ocean. Also, you know, it would be so cool if she lived in the ocean and just like came out like Godzilla to do the weather every day. She's married to Godzilla. Their kids are weird looking. They fight with Mothra all the Time. Oh, no. Celebrity breakup. She's dating King Kong. Oh, oh, now Godzilla's posting embarrassing memes on Instagram about the breakup. Godzilla

versus Kong versus Mary. The thing that was obnoxious about this, and it happens again when he's getting ready to do the Simone Stadium concert. When he's prepping, you know, they're about to go on the air with this interview live.

He's just casually flicking through them backgrounds trying to pick one and I was like dude why don't you prepare for this a little better why are you leaving this for the 11th hour to figure out the fucking background I'm fucking drunk I've been drinking all day

Simone I've moved on to pills here's a I got a big glass of Jack Daniels some for you some for me some for you some for me me and Simone got loaded Simone drank half the bottle

Bad news. I poured the entire bottle into the computer. She's dead. But to your point, the computer shit gets so stupid. Once we do the stadium concert, which I guess, of course, she's a singer as well. Why not? He pushes a hologram button on the fucking keyboard. Dude, that cuts to the keyboard. The keyboard keeps getting new keys based on what kind of silly situation we're in.

It is really bad. At the end, they're literally, it should just be a room of keys. surrounded on the wall if she's a hologram also now dude how about a scene of them hanging out in the same room Caporial in a way yeah because what pure Taylor

Taylor Vince confronts him is like I know that that tree wasn't there yada yada yada yada I need to see Simone in the flesh like oh everyone will see Simone in the flesh at the concert so that's why he does this sort of and also like Catherine Keener brings Evan Rachel Wood

and this she comes it's a hologram so yeah obviously presage the whole hologram concert idea but man oh man this actress that everyone loves sure comes out and just sings natural woman and everyone is shitting their pants like they're seeing fucking copayton come back from the dead Whitney Houston's doing it again I guess I mean this that whole concert thing is so dumb and the thing with Prue Taylor Vince and Schwarzman is it's not that they're on to like it would be one thing if they're like we think this might be a computer yeah But it's that they think that Al Pacino

was holding this woman in sexual slavery and like making her do all these things or whatever. Well, it's Hollywood, so it makes sense. Well, that's true. The thing about that concert too, and yeah, your ex-wife's coming to this concert that your promotion agency is printing on, your ex-wife and your daughter are coming in. Terrible seats.

Yeah. Everyone has terrible seats. You got to be 200 yards from Simone. It's so weird. And the guys at the thing are like, all right, you know, Mr. Tivorski or whatever is. His name is, you know, like, we got your thing about the security. It's going to be airtight. You don't have to worry about that.

Weird thing, you requested an awful lot of, like, smoke from the fog machines. Yeah, that's the way Simone likes it. Yeah, whatever. It's great. Oh, it's so amazing. I saw that concert. She was a million miles away. She sang a song from fucking 1981.

And there was no band at all. It was fantastic. And here's a dumb thing, too. Like, so we have seen. Al Pacino talking to a microphone and she speaks at the same exact time in this thing when she comes out in the hologram

it's like what does she say she goes I love you and there's a pause with the hologram and you go back to the control room and Al Pacino's flicking through fucking city names and then lands on LA and it just goes Los Angeles Oh I used to

I used to say the voices for Simone but then I found this audio book from 1983 that I analyzed and now Luke Skywalker could be himself and not me. I do wish that we had gotten a picture of Al Pacino in the truck. You make me feel. Oh, dude, that's how you make it more comedy. Like he's fucking super into it. You get like a killer karaoke sash from, uh,

some Pacino. Some guys outside that are a bunch of, frogs dying at once. Now for my, oh shit, I'm going to throw up. I've been drinking old. And she's just, you vomit. And then like after the show, he's like signing headshots of her as her and kissing them with lipstick. Yeah.

Keener comes over and she's like, oh my lord, this, this girl's going to leave you. That's going to be so cruel to you. Now she wants him back because he's with Simone. The bit of fucking bullshit with all that, though, too, is she's like, they come back to the trailer and they're like, oh, Al Pacino. know, you know, thanks for the tickets. We just want to tell Simone, like, she had a great concert. And he's like, yeah, she's, uh, taking a nap.

And you're just like, I fucked her real good. And then, yeah. Part of me, Evan Rachel would cover your ears. I fucked her brains out. She's sleeping. Keener thinks that, right? Because she's just like, oh, yeah, I bet, you know, she's really worn out because Al Pacino has the lipstick on his face.

But, like, that is applied lipstick. Yes, it's not, it's not like I was. making out and she had it on her lips. But this whole, this is where I was like, you've got to stop this. Because like, oh, she's taking a nap. Someone has to be like, what is going on? Yes. Like, no one in his

circle actually does this. And you just have the goofball, you know, reporters trying to get the story or whatever. But that was just such a lame, like the concert just ended. What do you mean she's taking a nap right now? What are you talking about? Oh, but Simone has a message for you. She wants you to

be like, date at the Oscars. because that's the next thing is because again we're pushing up this romantic angle and this is the craziest it would be great this is the last scene of the movie Al Pacino just dies in a fiery car wreck with a fucking mannequin because it's like

oh I think even Catholic King is like you know I'd really love to meet Simone if I ever could he's like okay I'll see what I can do and then the next day Catherine Kinish driving and Cytles up to Xero and another car I just can't even believe this is a fucking mannequin driving and Pachino

It was like laying down to the passenger, she's like steering and being like, hello, it's me Simone. Hi. Look, Simone's going to drive. It's insanity. He clearly wants to die. Yes. The alcoholism, all that. It just folds in on. This is the act of somebody who wants to die. Also, there's no. Simone, you're too drunk to drive. I got to drive. No, you can't. You're too drunk to drive. After he has that call with Catherine Keener in in, in that car as Simone, he hits the back of a trailer. Yes. it cuts we don't see what happens there you get decapitated but it's also like what what would even if you move the mannequin over oh i was just driving with my girlfriend uh this piece of wood but we already had a scene where rebecca romaine was the standing and it was so again yeah i mean that's what i thought it was so the concert was going to be that that's why the fog would be everywhere but like this i was like this is so so dumb because i didn't realize at first that it was a mannequin. Yes. And I was like, oh, he got Rebecca Romaine back. Okay, cool. And then I was like, oh, that's a mannequin. Oh, this is way worse. How is the cell phone modulating into the Simone voice? Like, what are we doing? I'll tell you why he didn't do either of those things because then his beloved would not be on screen. But she's not on screen in this. Well, this particular, but like the, why at the concert and all that stuff is because like Rebecca Remain Stamos is not being funny. But like you do close ups of Simone at the concert and have a body double. for, you know, the far away view.

You know, at the start of this scene, because it's like the morning the Oscar nominations come out, there's a funny ass line in here that I was like, that's from a better movie because the radio DJ is like, uh, yes, and despite of all the war, famine and poverty happening in the world right now, all of those stories were overshadowed by the Oscar nominations that came out today. And I was like,

fuck, that's just a little peanut of like what could have been a nice industry satire movie here. again, now we have to, like, romance Catherine Keener. So, like, Simone's like, nothing's going on with me and Victor. We're just good friends. You should take him to the Oscars. Uh-oh, I'm a fucking mannequin. Dude, Andrew McCarthy comes out of nowhere. Stop stealing my

bitch. So Simone is nominated for both performances in both movies. And she wins. For both. Oh, dumb. And this is the part, again, where I thought that there was some AI shit going on.

because she gives this whole speech where it's like, I want to thank the producers. I want to thank the studio. I want to thank everybody. And most of all, I want to thank Hank. Thank you, Hank. Yeah. And then every Rachel Wood's like,

she didn't thank you, dad. He's like, but what? Oh, shit. And then like, later on, I guess I was just so loaded. I forgot my own name. So that's the Oscars. But yeah, he just comes back and he's like,

Simone, what did I say? Why didn't you? Oh, I guess I just messed it up. Oh, I really hate my. self now. Sometimes I just pretend I'm Hank Williams. And I guess this was a problem. I shouldn't have done that.

Then he realizes that she's become too powerful or something, something. So he tries to ruin her career by her doing interviews and morning talk shows. She's smoking. This is actually kind of nice because it's like Rachel Roberts get to do a little bit of like comedy here. And it is kind of funny. And again, I was like, in another movie,

I'm having a good time with this scene. The schools should have firing ranges so that the kids can know how to defend themselves. The problem Pachino has here, just deny the Holocaust. All you have to do is deny the Holocaust and you're

fucking free, dude. What she does is a spouse Republican tongue boy. She wants guns in schools. She talks about immigration. Yep. You know, that's it. Yeah. I had, I couldn't find it, but I did make a note. I was like, she would be the GOP's fucking best friend.

She'd be talking at CPAC. Hey, next up on Dennis Miller Live, chat, chat. We got Simone, babe. It'd be so fucking funny, Simone, a digital person saying, where's Obama? He's not easy on this chair.

We got Simone. She's live from the Furor's bunker. She's going to talk to us about what she thinks is going to happen at the presidential election. Oh, you know, I never thought I liked that Simone actress. But now I have to work with her. I'm going to put her in my next film.

She's going to play a boxer that falls on a stool and gets paralyzed. It's actually good that her eyes don't move. That's a thing, right? This really freaked me out. Her eyes aren't allowed to. And I guess that's supposed to be like, because she's a simulation. But like, it again, like, just makes you, like, you're not trying to convince me at all that anybody would be convinced by this. But then that blows up in his face

because everyone's like, oh, now she's just more nuanced. We love her for being the individual person. She speaks her mind. Sure, whatever. And then he goes to Hank's grave and he's like, I can't believe that I created a monster Hank. I should have blah, blah, blah.

And he said, oh, dead. Dead. Like, because he has that idea. What if she was dead? That is after the I am pig art film which got a standing. Oh, yeah. So what? So is she eat shit this movie? Yeah, dude. Which is actually kind of cool.

I would love to see some starlets eat shit. She's roaming around and shit. I think she's eating from the trough. She's eaten from the trough. She comes up at one point she's got an apple in her mouth. And again, it's very fucking funny. And in a better movie, you're like, obviously this is a

natural course of this story. This is fucking hilarious or whatever. The thing that's hilarious when he's talking at Cody's his grave though, he's like, oh, man, she's a serious. killer. It's fucking hilarious. I hope I go out like you, Hank,

having sex with a car at 60 miles an hour. Oh man, me and James Spader getting it on. But yeah, so he's like, this is so weird. You know,

he's like, oh, it's not that you aren't human, Simone. It's that I am. And I was like, that line is in your fucking drama version.

of this movie, which is a total failure and you should have left it out. Because he has Pacino has good moments of doing these drama monologues in it doesn't work for what the film's trying to do. The film doesn't work for what it's trying to do. But what is crazy about this ending is like, oh,

Simone was well, she was on her third world goodwill tour. Yeah. And she contracted a rare virus. Oh, I predicted hologram concerts and the coronavirus. I told you, folks. You know what, you know that

that's how she's going to die. It's a weird so he has the idea to like, yeah, give her a virus or whatever. This you're working with technology. This floppy disk. Dude, a five and a half inch fucking floppy disk. What are you doing? It's like plague point one. I again, like, sure.

much like a VHS of Simone is out how does this exist she disappears like Thanos snap his fingers it hurts so much what's happening to this is where we get the massive like state funeral for Simone it's like the entire country pauses

the studio has this giant ceremony all of her co-stars are Paul bearers and what made me really laugh that Jay Morris says is once Victor Taransky is arrested at this funeral and the feds open the coffin and there's nothing in it.

He goes, that's why it was so light. Dude, it is the funniest line of the movie. Well, it's actually a stand-up, a standee of Simone is in there. Yeah, it's cardboard cutout. It's a detail that Al Pacino didn't need to do. We skipped over a very important detail of just how dumb is donkey shit this movie gets.

After he deletes the computer program, he puts all the shit like in this huge like steamer trunk. which you could have just put in the fucking coffin and save me 10 minutes. Yep, exactly. And like you see Al Pacino is caught on security camera. You see this fucking security camera move. Like it's a droid in Star Wars, dude.

And I saw that and I was, you, you, it's all projected from you at that point. You're like, okay. Yes. Someone is going to think that he killed her. He's going to get arrested. Yada, yada, yada. And again, if this is indeed like a biting industry satire, that happens.

and he's given the fucking death penalty. Yes, exactly. And it's like, oh, you killed Simone, now you have to die. And it's like, well, I've fucked up this time. And then it ends. That's what satires need. A punchline that is a bit dark. You know what I mean?

I just thought it. It is also very unfortunate. This is the, I think this is the same year as adaptation. Yep, O2. For that to be in the same. Yeah, yeah. He'll be like, oh, man. Which one of us is dead?

Which one of us is dead? Wow. That was a car. Accident That is interesting though the industry was getting meta

about their own show business movies at the time. Yeah, the player cracked that open and they just started running with it

now. That is great movie. We'll say again Robert Altman's the player is an excellent fucking movie.

You know, what lets you know this should be a comedy? You get Daniel fucking Von Bargan in here, man.

Absolutely. Absolutely. This like police investigator or whatever who's convinced that Pacino has slain Simone. And yeah,

you could like it's weird because I want to laugh at Daniel von Bargain in this movie because he's doing the same Daniel von Bargain delivery but it's in a movie that is cripplingly unfunny so he's just like saying lines dully and I'm not laughing and it just doesn't make logical sense why the government would think that this woman is actually dead the thing that made me laugh in this scene

is there's a shot of Al Pacino in a downright Magneto What is with the Magneto cell? It's a cell, and it's like got a little table in it. He's just sitting there. You should have killed me when you had the chance, Charles. Chess, I'm not playing no chess. Chess is for losers.

Well, the future, not them, Simone. But, yeah, like his lawyer comes in, Michael Clinton's older brother, by the way. His lawyer comes in. And it's like, yeah, oh, you know, it looks bad for you, this, that, And the other thing, oh, yeah, don't worry. They never found a fucking birth certificate for this woman, but you killed her, I guess. But, and he's just like, no, she was a computer the whole time. He's like, oh, insanity defense.

And again, like, and then he goes to a sanitary. You know what I mean? Sure. End of movie punchline, it's great. Or if there's like some weird thing of like they found a dead hitchhiker named Simone, whatever, we think it's her. The face has been obliterated. The worst part is they go on the boat to catch. And this is like, again, just dragging the end of this movie.

It just drags it so far. They pull up the fucking box and nothing's in it. He's like, oh, you got to go back down there. The rest of the movie. You got to watch the movie. It's not done yet. It's kind of hilarious because the chest opens and there's just seaweed in it. And Al Pacino screams, there's discs down there.

Which is funny. But then the dumbest thing. It's just like, what is this for? The cop, the cop diver or whatever is like, well, we can't go back down there. You jerk? Look what's. out there and just like a shark fin flows by? Literally like

out of a Hannah Barbera cartoon. And then we get like just a fucking fin going around like this. It's literally a cutaway guy. And then a newspaper headline, Simone thought to be eating my sharks. And this is when someone speaking of Hannah Barbera and Saturday morning cartoons Andrew Nicol had fucking

Inspector Gadget on when he was writing this music. Well what if Evan Rachel Wood is just Penny and all this third act deusx fucking hacker? Yes. Oh my God. What? So So the kid and Catherine Keener discover the fucking computer layer and find this plague disc. And she knows how to unerase it because we established that earlier in the film because she hangs out in chat rooms. Yes.

Of course. So therefore she's a computer whiz and she fixes it. And they record a new scene of Simone with like the headline of her death being like, ha ha, I'm not dead silly. I'm having a great time as a celebrity. All right. Cool. Simone.

You have to come down to the police station. if you want Al Pacino to be alive, sorry. I mean, that's why, like, all of this logic, the movie asks you to suspend it due to Simone mania. Yeah. Right?

It's like they, everyone loves her so much that they don't want to, like, believe that it could be a computer, yada, yada, yada. And she, yeah, she just gives something because they're like, well, what the fuck were you doing, Simone? She's like, you know, the stress of this kind of life, blah, blah, blah.

And Al Pacino did a great job covering for me and this, that, and the other thing. And then, like, the end of this movie, is like Catherine Keener and Evan Rachel Wooder in on it and it's like oh okay well we have an idea what about we add another character and it cuts to another Simone fucking interview and it pulls back and she's holding a fake fucking yeah and also fun you know I guess we'll see if this ever gets anywhere we'll have computer people running for office but they mentioned politics which would be the scariest outcome that's kind of like the big heightened punch

line where she's just like, and I'm thinking of getting into politics. And the last shot of the, like, so it cuts to Pacino sitting on the couch in front of a green screen and it just kind of pulls back. And that's the end of it. It's just Al Pacino literally sitting in front of a green screen. And the babies named Chip because you get it. Computer stuff. Oh yeah. And Simone in the in the questioning by the police, it's Sim one for simulation. Yeah, that's That's real great. We're expecting a girl named Gigabyte. Call it Gigi. Then, yeah. Simone is running for president.

She said she's going to close Guantanamo Bay, but she's not going to do it. What we're going to do, we're going to have some footage. Looks like it's closed. It's not really closed. There is a stinger because this movie did indeed predict the MCU.

fad of stingers and it's just this useless you're seeing how I guess he went about making some Simone footage which is Al Pacino in a grocery store with a cheap ass little handy cam filming himself throwing frozen dinners

into a cart and then you see like the final product which is like Simone doing that and it cuts back to Pruit Taylor Vince and he goes she likes chicken pot pie just like me end of the movie whatever.

Ouch. He's just so wrong for them. He's just so dark. He's not your he's not your comic relief. I think you're right. All of you like they needed comedic actors like Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler, whoever throw in frozen dinners

into a cart. They've got some more physical chops at it. Yep. It's just weird to watch Al Pacino do that. And that is Andrew Nichols-Simone. We'll go around. Final Thoughts and Recommendation Steve Sadeck. I guess it's a odd curio but I would say

not recommend like I can see why again like it does predict a lot of stuff it does talk to stuff that we're talking about now but just actually have your own opinion on what's going on now you don't need to be like oh the movie Simone figured it out 20 years ago and it's two hours and not very good

because it's two hours it's not very good yeah Chris Cabin I can't do it it's really bad and I do think I think this was the thing that started Al Pacino being bad for a long time yeah I really do feel this was thing. And yes, it is, it is accurate on a few things, uh, that did come to pass. But I also imagine a lot of that stuff had been developing and around at that point.

Sure. He had some idea of what was going on. And it's amazing that you would think of Andrew Nicole for this script. Like, yeah. Well, he wrote it, right? He wrote it, dude. I think he wrote. I think produced directed. Yeah. This is a passion project. I guess. Yeah. Because like, of the many things, I, I, I, I, I, I, like Gattaca. Of the many things I come away from that, the idea of humor is not there. No. There's not a laughing. And if you really, if that was his

passion, like, I'm going to, I'm going to do a comedy. Failed miserable. Like just, wow. Yeah, just no for me. Eric Siska. Yeah, I think there's interesting stuff going on in this movie. I don't outright hate Pacino. I think he's got some interesting moments.

But all together, the movie doesn't really work. And I can't really recommend at all. But again, I think it's getting at some interesting stuff and it's a curio and it's just too long and it's just too long. Yeah, exactly. I mean, you know, nothing new here. It's just, it is so frustrating for me. Like, I was watching it like sort of moving the puzzle pieces around being like, there are ways that this could have been really good. Yeah. And it's just not, which is frustrating. And if you want good industry movies, the player Hail Caesar

fucking singing in the rain Adaptation Adaptation sure I mean there are like things out there that do this much better A bad one that actually does Is like this

What just happened The shit Robert De Niro Barry Levinson Oh yes That is that what the bleak Just happened Oh yeah What the yes

I think what you said Is a Woody Allen movie But yeah It's Sonnenfeld I thought it was Levinson Oh I those dudes Are so interchangeable to me I agree with that

Workhorse directors With no real style but like yeah that's another one like they're out there and you know yeah even the bad ones like that are better than this I just yeah at the same time it's like you know you mentioned the player that's the gold standard sometimes

I get so tired of Hollywood jerking themselves off with Hollywood movies about making movies and shit like no one gives a fuck yeah no I agree um but that is going to do it for this episode on Simone thanks very much to our friend up in Toronto for

calling this one in I'm glad his eight, seven or eight year of mission has finally come to an end. You can go home and see your family now, sir. That's excellent. Of course, stick to patreon.com slash we hate movies for more content including a patron-selected

We Love Movies episode all on The Warriors, which is out now or will be soon? The other way, that was a real fun convo. A great New York City cult movie. What do we've got going on? There's a listener-selected Gleepe glossary. That's right. We'll be talking about BOSC, the reptilian bounty hunter that was not in the book of Boba Fet. That got drawn for listener request month. I'm very excited to talk about that fella because I like them.

We got a double dragon animation damnation. Oh, yeah. I was right at the Big Daddy Dispatch because I didn't know what episode it was. And you know, I was right, season X episode, whatever. Sure. There only has to be one. There was two seasons of that show. Season 2. Is it a thing where it's like the cartoons of that time where it's like 30 episodes in the season, 45 or whatever?

And we've got a Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stonementary coming up. It's going to be a lot of fun. That was not drawn for listener request month, but it's a lot of fun. We have requested Nexus episodes, our Star Trek recap show and it's

Trials and Trials and Tribulations and 9. And something worth. A great TNG episode. Parallels, I think it's called. Yes. That sounds right. You're going to want to tune in for that. And also, come see us on tour in April. We'll be hitting up Washington, D.C., Philadelphia,

and Boston. Tickets are on sale. WHModcast.com slash tour. And, as always, next Tuesday, brand spanking new episode, piping hot right out of the oven. Listen to Request Month continues, Steve. What are we being forced to watch next week? Well, actually, we're forcing ourselves. We're taking a little break from

a little break from us. Oh, that's right. Of course. We're going to treat ourselves to our 600th episode, Delta Fars. Oh, yeah. Had to finish the trilogy, baby. You know, it's funny, if Larry the Cable guy was a bankable star today, I was thinking about this, you could have made him in a coronavirus's fake movie called Delta Fars. Oh, yeah. Oh, definitely.

I'm thinking he starts a FartVengers situation. Oh, God damn. Oh, man, someone killed Squeaker. He hat. Bill Ingbaugh, you're the one with the acidic piss. Oh, my God. Yeah, that is going to be a celebration and a half, folks. What a milestone of Larry the cable guy movie.

I think the last one non-Mater related. This will end it for live-action Larry. That's it. What a fucking tragedy that is. So until next week with our 600th episode, good God. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda. Eric Siski.

Chris Cabin. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.