We Hate Movies - S12 Ep600: Delta Farce

Episode Date: March 15, 2022

Holy smokes, it's somehow the 600th episode of We Hate Movies!  And on this very special episode, we reach the conclusion of our coverage of live action Larry the Cable Guy movies with the truly abysmal Delta Farce! Could this movie be any more 2007 trapped in amber? Why did Keith David need to do this movie? And how many dads and uncles slapped their knees red at all the racist shit in this cinematic catastrophe? PLUS: It is truly astounding to the four of us that we have now reached the 600th episode of WHM Prime. This would absolutely NOT have happened without you fine folks out there tuning in week in and week out and we cannot begin to thank you all enough. So from Andrew, Chris, Eric & Steve, we're grateful that you found us, that you've stuck around, and that you continue to spread the word of WHM far and wide. Take it easy!  Delta Farce stars Larry the Cable Guy, Bill Engvall, DJ Qualls, Lisa Lampenelli, and, for some reason, the legendary Keith David; directed by C.B. Harding. Catch this guys this April when they play Boston, D.C., and Philly! Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, hey, cool, it's the 600th time we've done this. It's Delta Fars. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Seda. Eric, the podcast, man. Great cabin. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. For some of you, this may be the 600th time you've tuned in. Poor unfortunate souls.

600 of those main features. Main feed episode. I'm sure a fan of ours can do the calculations and I'm, this is probably the 12,000th release. I think we're close to a thousand. Is that right? I think so. Let's get our numbers boys on the phone see what's up. But yeah, so

big monumental day here in the studio. So of course we got to talk about fucking Larry the cable guy. It's Delta Faris for 2007 directed by someone who I could have sworn was a fake person. CB Harding but you'll know him as the director of the blue-collar comedy tour movie

and approximately 10,000 other blue-collar averse-related projects. And he has a cameo in the film as the mailman that gets chased around. Isn't that funny? You got a little mailman in that movie. What if a dog was getting after that mailman? You're like that Alfred Hitchcock

making your cameos. Well, speaking to people who are not in this movie, Jeff Foxworthy was supposed to be in it. He backed out because he had scheduling conflicts with what? Are you smarter than a fifth grader. Oh, man. He was smarter than the whole goddamn lot of him. Is that this fucking movie? That's true. And then DJ Qualls replaces him. Is that what it was? Yeah. It must be,

right? He's the odd man out. It would make sense. It would be like, I see, I was going to say like you were, you had to have been so fucking desperate to have Bill Engval have this many speaking roles that I thought Engval stepped in for Foxworthy and DJ Qualls was just going to be there the whole time as the little weirdo. I would also assume you come up to Ron White with this and he's like, get the fuck out of what the fuck? No, absolutely. Threws a tumbler whiskey in your face. I get drunk and I smoke a cigar and that is it. I will not be on your

screen. If you're too busy filming a game show, you can't make a bad movie. I mean, I would call out of this having scheduled conflicts with dinner. Yeah, that would be my... I would just like, no, no, no, no, no. Uh, yeah, this is I Ooh, sorry, guys. There's a Twilight Zone Marathon on in about 10 minutes.

Wife's making Beef Stroganoff tonight. Sorry. I'm going to have to mow the lawn tomorrow. Can't do it. Do you think, like, Larry the Cable guy's probably mad. Like, he's probably jealous of that Golden Corral. Oh, yeah. I could have been mine.

I was, that Pral Sheck, O.T. She was just a stepping stone. But he's got the Pixar cred. Yeah, he does. I think that battles off the Golden Corral. But you know what, though? It could be this, right? Like, oh, man, I got all these millions playing Mater, but Foxworth is getting paid in chicken nuggets.

That was my preferred payment. But Larry, you know, you could buy all sorts of chicken nuggets with your mater money. But he's getting them directly as payment. It's stolen valor. He never goes to Golden Crowell. I go and I pay full fucking price. You tell me right now, how many chicken tenders did Jim Carrey get paid for Batman?

forever. I want double it. I heard about Jim Carrey's story. He promised his father he'd give him a million chicken nuggets when he made it in Hollywood. And then tragically, his daddy died before he could do it. So he wrote a check and put it in his father's dead jacket pocket. And it said, one million chicken nuggets, daddy. From checkers. It's a true Jim Carrey story?

Wow. But not the chicken nuggets. For chicken nuggets? He wrote a check for a million. dollar. He said he would give his father a million dollars if he made it big and his dad passed away. So we wrote a million dollars and put it in the suit jacket pocket. Did he make it out for cash?

If so, grab a shovel, y'all. That's, I mean, the cask gets lowering and they all dive in trying to open up the cat. Pay to the order of St. Peter, one million heaven bucks. Oh, man, indulgences. That'd be cool. That's a cool

movie. You just made like an Ocean's 11 Jim Carries Dead Dead Heist movie. Yeah. Jim, Jim, Jim, just maybe put void on the check now now now who's going to find it I'm going to need 12 guys including Paul Oakenfeld

while crave ticking fuck yeah totally they were funny mustaches and stuff segmenting the screen there's multiple frames going on check it out and dug him up Jeff done him get over here look at this music fellow like a puppet bring your meckship kicking pepper over

here. Scott Kahn is like doing some funny business with the grave attendant. You know what I mean? To distract him. Oh yeah. Like in Casey Affleck arguing like outside of mausoleum on the other side of the property. Comically large like floral display and balloons

are bringing to some special grave or whatever. No, Tombstone wasn't the better frozen pizza. Yes, it was. No, it was. Yes, it was. Bernie Max driving a hearse into the funeral. Who goes to Bernie Mac in the film. I like that. Well, I'd like to think that a great project Like this could have got off the ground 10 years ago.

Or are you just Tarkin'em now? Yes. Yeah, they got no problem with that. Oh, yeah, like Harold Ramos, dude. Just like, my God, I finally saw that movie and you yikes with that thing. My lord. We are just dangerously far from Delta Farce, aren't we? Yeah, can you tell we're just, we're trying to just veer off the, it's kind of like an American werewolf in London where that dude's like, stay off the Moors.

And they walk right into it. We are steering right towards the Moors. So we open it on a. almost patent-esque if it was done in like an abandoned warehouse scene with this guy who's in Morse shower. He's in everything

24 I remember. Always playing like a government official. Fringe. He was like a fucking like meathead FBI agent. Huge and he's he's given this big speech about how like what we need now are like soldiers who mean things. We need soldiers who can fight the good fight. We need

heroes. Did somebody say hero? I'm cleaning up diarrhea in this cafeteria. Dude, you got to Larry the cable guy dressed up as like Woody from Toy Story with this outfit. It looks like he's working at a Golden Corral, by the way. It does. He's got a cowboy outfit on.

And I'm like, so yeah, that's what I think about with Southwestern Southern food is heroes. Like sandwiches, not really. And we immediately get this gross out thing of like he serves someone like a sandwich and they pull out a giant hair out of it, which no way could be his hair unless it's a body hair, like a pubic hair. I haven't trimmed my pub since

the bicentennial. He said, don't worry about that. I've been using a new conditioner. It's like, okay, cool. Like, I used soap so feel free to eat things that fall off my body. I let my armpit hair grow out like the feminists. Oh, man.

It's classic Larry maneuvering here also in these fucking movies. this like very attractive young woman walks in and he has a track record of having sexual intercourse with this woman apparently I just I was like so how much is it paying her what's the deal with you totally she's here for that more that bathroom sex I've been giving her dude yeah he's like oh you want to have a bathroom quickie yeah let's fuck in this golden corral bathroom

I mean I'm supposed to clean up the one next to it but this one's clean yeah Larry I'm here not because I have a VD but you gave me trichinosis somehow. Having sex with you is like eating uncooked pork. I'm finding black spots on my body. I believe I'm rotting away. Hey, cool. I gave someone the black plague. But it turns out she's pregnant and he's like, oh my God, I'm going to be a father. And he has to tell the entire restaurant. And you see this joke coming a mile away. Right. I mean, like every joke in this film, but it's, and like everyone's, like, really excited and she keeps being like, but oh, ah, and he's like, yeah, and you know what?

For the next hour, the salad bar is open for anybody for all, and all the fictions. All them fictions. It's like, what does he mean by fixen's? Like putting potato salad on top of better lettuce. I think he's free chicken tenders on your show. He was like, before he's starting lining up for the bacon bitch. That's exactly. Let me, uh, tend to everyone gather around.

Because that's the thing. The bacon, it's everything's, you know, you can put as many pickles or whatever you want out of there. The bacon bits will cost you extra. But Larry is letting you, it's bringing gregarious here and saying the bacon bits are now for the next hour. Also free. And the chunks of chicken and the ham, you just, you go hog wild. Huge hands on the house. You can't just, hey, hold on, you can't put a fish filet on top of a salad.

That ain't a fiction. That ain't right. Madam, you cannot put a hamburger on your salad. Please stop telling the chef to do that. He's like, before everyone does that, let me make an announcement. I'm going to ask this girl to marry me. I got to say, pretty stunned that he wasn't like, we got to find a way to get rid of it.

I don't think so. You know what, no, the salad bar is free because it's going to kill that pregnancy right quick. So maybe not a total abortion, but just like not being, like I guess I was surprised that the character was this excited and immediately asked for him. Hey, Dan, I love all of the racism in this film. It's going to hit right for the Bible Belt. The abortion joke up top, though, is really,

I think it's going to rub people the wrong way. I think it's kind of fun to say that I wanted to sip a little bleach into her diet soda. That's a leftover joke from Foxworthy. He's the most liberal of all of us. If you were drinking bleach and died soda, you just might be at a golden growl. if you take your girlfriend who's pregnant to a monster truck rally and she's driving the monster truck

you just might be causing a miscarriage. I forget if I ever copped to this. I own several Jeff Foxworthy CDs. I thought you were about to cop to causing miscarriage. Well, I mean, for a later date. Wait, so what, like comedy albums? Oh, yeah. I remember liking them in the 90s,

but not like, not seeking it out, but just Comedy Central would have it. And I'd be like, you might be a redneck. These are your scarlet letters right now, you guys are something. That's pretty something. I never bought an album. Oh, I know.

I had at least two. I had enough of, you know, a collection of conservative relatives that filled me in on all the you might be's the fucking TV on top the broke TV, the stupid signs. I've heard these things. You know, the oral tradition of passing these things down through storytelling. Did Foxworthy have like a sitcom at some point? He did. I think I might have watched some of that. As did Engval, actually.

He watched that show as well. He always did. But he also had his own sitcom, which was the birth of Jennifer Lawrence. Which I did not see. He's birthed right on the show. Oh my God. Was she the baby in Delta Farts that was going to happen? Oh, God.

This lady's like, oh, and by the way, Larry, it's not yours. Thank God you were fucking around on this guy Absolutely But then why are you in a relationship with this guy Who just is Who looks like Larry the cable guy And is also Having to dress like that for work

Exactly like you know It's not like he's a banker Like you know He's like a sugar daddy situation What are you getting out of this arrangement madam? I'm kind of a banker for food You know It's sort of like an ATM

They line up They withdraw their sandwiches You may not have a loan for a fish fry See, I'm part of the Burger King Rewards program And that's how I get all my ladies Shifing off with the kids club I got just a bunch of credits on that card I could buy five happy meals

No problem, no charge Oh, will you marry me? Here's your happy meal toy The ladies love it when I wear a paper crown But here's the thing So Larry could be as fat as he wants Oh yeah If a woman were to be fat, that would be disgusting

Which Larry the cable guy points out right here Because this woman Like the the girlfriend or whatever Is like the baby ain't yours And he's like how not cool And then like the whole celebratory mood Dyes down and then this Heavy Set woman says

Well but what about the free salad bar And he's like what do you care You never visit a salad bar in your life Fat? And now there's apparently I guess a deleted scene or something No Did you guys watch the blooper reel at the end? Yes.

Barely. Yeah, okay. You got to do it, folks. Do you. There is a, he's outside in this blooper reel nursing his head with like a, you know, ice pack or something. And it's just, I don't know how some of that fat could move show quick. Oh, yes. So it's from this scene.

The idea is like, yeah, he got to a fight with her and that's how he loses his job. Well, yeah. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you would have to excise the, the image of him having consequences for. acting like this in public. But you know, good on the movie for realizing 90 minutes. Okay.

And then more than that, we're in trouble. Yeah, I mean, also, again, that producer's like, yeah, Dan, I love it. I love all this stuff. You beating a woman in a parking lot. I don't know. I don't know if it's going to be as family friendly as you want this film to be. I also don't like the look of you being like beaten by a woman. I don't want her to have any dominance here. I don't like that. But it was a giant woman. cool, I got cuckolded. Oh, awesome.

Hey, cool, she's sucking his death. Hey, cool, I get to walt. Well, she's spitting babies out that ain't mine. Good. Hey, cool, I'm in a Jeffrey Chaucer story. I'm cuckolding. Awesome. If you got a baby on top of another baby in your womb, you just might be having twins.

Hey, cool. I was going to say you're a redneck with that. That's not true. If your two kids are born on the same day, you just might be having twins. Wow, he's really losing the thread. Is he just saying facts now? Is that the thing? If you bring an umbrella outside, just by rain later.

If you turn a key forward. away from your body and the motor starts, well, you might just be sitting in a car. If you're sitting down to eat food after 6 p.m., you just might be having dinner. Go back to the older stuff, Jeff. This is supper erasure. Hey, cool, she's rubbing my face in it while he comes. Oh, man. Hey, cool, I got one of the absolute power sit-ups where I'm in the,

a closet with a two-way mirror. Hey, Hoku. Oh, man, I love being degraded sexually. It's the best. I love it. But so then we get to Bill Engval, who is uniquely bad? It's so, oh my God. Like, if you ever needed Larry to cable guy to look like a superstar, just put him in

the scenes with Bill Aval. Because he's got charisma and can, like, he delivers his lines as bad as they are, like, with Panash. You know what I mean? Like, some kind of Panache. Energy. Yes. Hey, Panash, can I get mustard on that?

See, that's a great joke. And Larry would kill it. Larry would kill that fucking joke. Introducing Bill here is they're trying to give him like an Ed O'Neill from Wayne's World joke where he's talking about, but he can't do the turn well. He cannot do it. No. And so it's just like, oh, this, it's not like with Ed O'Neill where you're like, wow,

this guy's hilariously deranged. You're like, this guy's tiredly deranged? Yeah, because eventually he starts talking about like what his marriage and eventually no divorce. and how only the sweet release of murder suicide. Yes. Which is funny concept. Yes, sure. And someone could deliver it, but he can't.

I don't think he has the energy to pull off a murder suicide. What he's giving me here, it's all downers. Did you notice, though, he was running an air conditioner outside? Oh, he might just be one. You have to take that, you know, lib tards. Also, look, cook the planet till it. Because also the character just has too much stuff going on to, too. Like, because Larry's just a big, and that's the problem, too, is also physically building

Elval is kind of a fat guy. So it's kind of this weird thing where like Larry's the fat one. It's like, if I, everyone was like, oh, Steve's the fat one on We Hate movies, like, I don't know, we're all kind of the same. You know what I mean? You can't pick a winner. Exactly. It just doesn't make any sense.

So, like, Larry gets all the fat jokes. He, it's like, oh, he also is like a shit heel slip and fall, sue guy. Yes, he's a Sue happy kind of scumbet. It's like, because Larry, the thing is just, like, fat and stupid. Yes. Bill Engvall's thing is like overly litigious with fucking bitch wife at home. Played by Lisa Lampinelli, which it should be against the law to give that woman acting roles. Don't do it.

Don't ever do it. Oh, it's terrible. Larry has to be the de facto leader here because the other two are borderline murderers. May I just posit the defatto leader? Let us continue. I mean, that's, like, the joke in both cases is like Bill Invol is very slowly like, I would like to kill my wife and kill myself and then leave this moral coil. Whereas DJ Qualls is like, I'm going to kill everybody.

That's the joke is I'm alienated from everybody. You could cut him out of the entire movie and it'll be fine. It would be completely fun. He doesn't do anything. No. But although I still better than Ingval. Oh, of course. Oh, yes.

If you're drafting a movie here, DJ Qualls would be higher. up because he's an actor. DJ Qualls is like the only actor of this trio. Yes. But his his character is Everett. Hey Everett is, he's like a guy that got kicked off the cops. Yes. He lives in a storage unit. Yep. And guess what? It's the end. It is a direct line to Jan 6th. But that's the end of the character in the film and he kind of does nothing in the movie. General sociopath is his whole thing. So exactly what we're all describing here with this character was, why I was certain that Foxworthy was supposed to be Engval

because can you imagine Foxworthy doing the stuff that DJ Qualls does in this movie? I think early enough he backed away that they're like, we need to get somebody else in. Oh, what the DJ Qualls do? He's a weird little scrawny dude. So yada, yada, yada. He's become a fucking professional luchador

by the end of the movie. He doesn't, mate. Because that was definitely at the time, that was an ascendancy, right? That Lucho was really a huge deal. Sure. It's still huge of Mexico. I mean, but like, could we get some Nacho Libre for the table?

Thank you. But at the time, I'll never see. Oh, really? I never saw it. I saw it. It's whatever. It's not so bad. It was, I was like full-time projections at the time that movie came out.

I've seen a little bit of it. I wanted to kill myself every time I checked the focus on that particular projector. Got it, got it, got it. I think might even be this the same year? Probably. 2007? I almost think so. It sounds about right.

It's like, really? Yeah. Dynamite might have been 2007, actually. No, dynamite's way earlier. I don't know. Bill Engval character detail that I don't want to leave out because it's a throwaway thing, but it makes this character way more disgusting.

He says that the reason he can't get divorced is because Lisa Lampinelli has photos of him fucking around with a young girl. Okay. And that's like, it's all presented as a joke. Continue the joke. Have it be the fucking girl that's breaking. up with Larry. Absolutely. Oh shit. That's something. Anything for just not to be like,

it's a joke. Move on. We got to go. And or like he's cheating on his wife in Mexico too. You know what I mean? Like maybe that's this character. Like he's a he's a letharia. He definitely is. Well, there's a moment in the movie where like this beautiful woman comes out and is like, oh, Signor Bill. We have more tacos and services for you. And he's like, rot this way buttercup. And I was like he's going to start fucking this woman. And he's going to be the dude, much like, you know, fucking American soldiers in Vietnam or career or whatever that, like, never left and, like, just stay there. And that's your, because there is jokes about, like, war brides in this movie. I feel so bad for the actors of color in this movie.

And actors of color who played, you know, characters on 24 and et cetera. It's just bad. Bad news. Nacho Libre is 06. And then, yeah, so like, so that's, I, because I knew I was still, like, in the booth in 06, yeah. What was that guy's named Jared Hess? Yes. Good memory.

kind of like a Wes Anderson of common. A Mormon, Wes Anderson. Yes, exactly. Wait, Wes Anderson isn't Mormon? I do I do not believe it. If you say you're from Texas, I'm just assuming you're a Mormon or something. I know where they're different. What do they got down there? Snake barters? Hardcore fucking evangelical Christians.

The snake handlers. Same fucking shit. Garbage cult crap across this country. Get your garbage cult crap in our state. Yeah, but the snake handlers don't have the sex sheets and all. They're not soaking. That's true. The snakes are biting my own little snake. But also speaking of weird sex stuff, there's a snake on my dick.

I'm talking in tongues. I'm trying to pleasure the snake with mine. Oh, man. No, this, our porn parody of Toy Story would go very well. Oh, yeah, I'm liking this. DJ Qualls is living in a storage unit that he's supposed to be, he's like the security guard. And there's, he's like having phone sex, I guess is the joke. It's a blowout.

Wasn't it? It's a blowup doll. But he's also going to the local, like, Denny's or something and flashing people. Oh, that's right. Because the manager of the storage unit facility is like, oh, yeah, by the way, be on the lookout. There's a dude running around here waving his dick at people. And DJ, like, I don't remember what the detail is, but the samurai sword. He was also had a samurai sword.

And then he gently kicks the samurai sword further into the storage unit. And much like the involunt thing where, like, you're supposed to kind of just like, forget that he had an affair with this younger person that it's not supposed to inform the character at all similarly this is not supposed to inform the character at all it's just supposed to be like oh he did a funny thingy well that's the thing is it's so much of this movie is that like none of the characters actually have like if larry was the the big dumb dolt that would be one thing and then bill engvalls maybe like a schemer and he's always trying to get money out of people and uh DJ koals is like a sex pervert creep and like those things keep happening

that's how what that's a movie yeah right there But here it's just they turn to the three stooges like in the worst possible way undefined three stooges They should lean into it if they're gonna do that Yeah that's the thing It's like these kind of dudes

Disgrace the Stooges And like I was thinking about this the other day Just because like for various reasons I was watching a lot of like Buster Keaton movies And I was thinking the other night like Man the Stooges don't get the play That like you know someone like You know Keaton or Chaplin gets like

Which I get like obvious But like there's a lot there from the Stoges Like I grew up on the Stoge's They're fucking great And it's just hilarious that, like, you get these fucking morons, and then we equate them to that because it is the closest thing to it. But these guys are so bad, it gives the stooges a bad rap. But then on Iggy Pop, when solo is a totally different situation. So that's like almost as good as the stooges for sure.

I'm the boss knucklehead. Come in to the fun hash. When Moe kept on pulling his long hair, I think that was the writing on the wall. Curly dancing like a snake with his shirt off. That is crazy. Down on the street where the sonic shan. And, you know, growing up watching the three streets, I always wanted to, like, drive by a construction site and see, like,

mischief you could get into it? Yeah, we'll see, like, the foreman, like, poking eyes out of the people under him. That's what they're doing. Really giving it to you. Totally, dude. Like, whenever my parents had to have a plumber come over to the house, I was just waiting for something wacky to start happening. Well, that, I mean, that really is the key to this, is none of these,

not even DJ Qualls are physically capable of being physical comedians it's just like the physical I mean what they consider physical comedy is like saying oh Larry's fat

yep that's his physique and then you watch your run with a huge rifle in his hand or whatever and it's silly the jiggles the comedy you understand the jiggling of the belly

and the jail that's the funny we gotta go to video podcast but the weird thing is maybe I'm mystic though I thought I was paying attention do they ever set up that they're army reservists or it just sort of

well they go to the weekend they do but they don't say like oh hey we're army reservists let's get in the car and sign or something maybe there's a sign but like there's a parking lot scene where they are buying like groceries and they say something about like it's reserve weekend or whatever okay um in that part i mean this it's insane all the shilling we're doing for ship by the way larry the cable guy dan whitney himself front and center in the camera frame wearing a

goddamn Bass Pro Shops hat like right there and then you have the thing of like Bill Engval saying that he doesn't have to work because he sued Walmart there was a slip and fall Walmart slip and fall Walmart and you're just like you fucking

whores yeah we're also shilling for us the Iraq War Oh it's pretty cool Big fucking time. Fuluzia that's funny that's a funny word put it in the movie They, we cut to just some rando army officer. You never see this guy again.

It's like, sir, we're doing a surge because of the war in Iraq. We're going to need to activate reserves. And he's like, ooh, I'll have to activate Sergeant Kilgore, who's Keith David. This poor bastard. He tries to bring it. And he had the most laughs in this movie are come from Keith David for sure. Absolutely. But like the other half of the time, he's just debasing himself.

Oh, big time. And you want to fucking scream because it's Keith David. He's a total legend. He deserves 110% better than this. And God damn it, the professionalism of that man, he is really trying to make this movie happen. There are exactly two scenes in this where if I was Keith David, the Eternal Sunshine thing was able to happen, I would get them race. Oh, both scenes where he's being raped by a man. That was, yeah, that was least one.

Oh, damn. Two different, by the way, ladies. Well, it's a two on one in the first scene. Yeah, and then it's a one-on-one in the second scene. Wonderful. Did you guys read the trivia about Keith David? No. Apparently, shortly before the barrack scene, Keith David fell off a seven-foot railing outside the building

between shots, breaking two ribs, cracking two vertebrae. He went on to film the scene in great pain and then went to the hospital afterwards. Fucking pro, dude. This movie almost killed Keith David. Fuck this movie. He fell off a seven-foot.

You're making a fucking. shitty movie and the conditions are so bad that Keith David, legendary great actor, falls seven feet and breaks two ribs and part of his back. That's insane. I will say most of this movie like he's great and everything, but he is

moving like he's injured. Yes. Like almost the entire movie. Yeah. I mean, do you think it was a thing like, you know, you see this a lot in like movies like Boogie Nights or something where it's like the fuck flick performer has to like, you know, chew a bunch of coke or like chug a bunch of vodka just to get themselves like in the mind

frame to do the scene. Do you think Keith David was like, oh, fuck, man, I'm doing a goddamn Larry the Cable Guy movie. It was just like wasted to do the scene and the accidentally slipped. I'm going to need a mental fluffer. Somebody just to talk me into doing this. I do love, he does have some prime fat jokes on Larry the Cable guy. I call him fat body once or twice. I love a good fat body man. That is pretty funny. But yeah, they go to the range and they're just like drinking and having a good well also on reserve weekend man they got to go to the massage hall which is hooters this is the third dude walmart bass pro shops hooters fucking delta farce brought to you by hooters you get a double tap of hooters because later there's a much bigger fucking we'll get into the

when we did there's some joke where it's like oh no man hooters don't have maternity leave but she was pregnant and we still look pretty hot Oh, man, yeah. By now, we've also gotten our first R word out of, I think, four, four, if you got four R words, you might be in Larry Cable. The first one is a double. Yeah. Yeah. It's you two.

It's Larry the Cable guy. Like, they're just being wacky. And then Larry the cable guy's like, I can't believe I got to spend my whole weekend with these two. It is the, well, I got the break up blues cure spending the weekends with two burs. Yeah. Fantastic. And it's not a breakup necessarily later on the cable guys. She fucked her out on you and dumped your ass at a golden corral waiting room.

Like, come on. Yeah, and it's almost in passing. Like, I mean, back in the day, at least, I would, if the R word is being slung around, it's like a big delivery at the end. This is like kind of just like a mumbled. Like, he's just like, oh, we're going on the week in this. Well, because when you say it 10,000 times in a day, you deliver it like that. It's one of them five words I know.

I just said them all, and now I got to say that one. I just know how to say that and then this card explained. Number one is the, the other ones are number one is and that. And I learned a new one today, Fallujah. Because that's where the insurgents, that's where we're putting the surge into. his Daddy needs Daddy needs some oil

Is what's going on I guess you know The premise I guess if you look at it It's like Oh funny enough idea Larry the cable guy Fish out of water

But the premise is centered Around Brown people look like Don't be Yep pretty much It's like This is the Blue Collar

Comedy fucking Ishhtar You know what I mean Yeah Yeah I mean It's also like Where they live Looks exactly the same

You couldn't tell the difference. Just desert and sand, you know, just like America. There is another great Keith David line here before we really get on the mission where he goes to Larry the cable guy. Why don't I grab a chair and shove it up your ass? Because, yeah, it's like he breaks up the party and he's like, guys, you've been activated. Now you have to do like a day's worth of boot camp before you can go. Dude, Larry the cable guy needs at least six to eight months, man. Yeah, he's not, he's not ready.

DJ Qualls, it might be able to send right away. Also, like, being L. Bill Engval's, like, 48 years old. They would be disqualified in some regard. I feel like we would reinstate the draft before you ask Larry the cable guy and Bill Engval to get called up. Or DJ Qualls, who could, like, be caught up in Augusta wind. Like, I mean, like, it's just too much. And, like, at this moment, I'm like, oh, so this is going to be like stripes.

I'm going to get a bunch of like a kooky characters in here we're just having an ensemble thing and no it's not that it's three amigos yes yeah with a dash of in the army now

yes which I need to rewatch much better movie yes much much better drop the pin throw the grenade I'm sure the politics of in the army now is much better I'd be honest you got Lori Petty hanging around well what are we doing there though was that golf but it had to have been a little

After, was it during? I'm going to Kosovo, buddy. Slow but die. Belosevic. I'm trying to look it up. So there is a montage of them doing like stupid training stuff. A lot of Larry the cable guy fallen in mud, which is pretty great. We do have, I think, one of the absolute dumbest visual jokes in the movie of like,

you see all these dudes like firing rifles at a. fucking gun range. And then Keith David has a like, why I ought to? And you see what he gets mad about. And it's Engval and Larry the cable guy holding up like target practice sheets. But them's deers on it. He had you. We're going hunting. Be back. We just want him to go hunting. Internet ticker. In the Army now, 1994. It's a way later. Okay. But it takes place

between a, I guess a fictional conflict between Chad and Libya. Oh. And they are reservists that decide to join water purification. because they thought it would get them out of being in the front, whatever. And it's very important. Lori Petty, I don't know why. Like, she was always in these movies about water proof. This tank girl. Oh, right.

It was a cause close to her heart. Well, she's right, because the fucking, there's going to be no water soon. That is true. But, so yeah, it's, like, one thing I noticed about this movie, you get a lot of Larry Sands hat, you know, which is a rarity, I think. It is, yeah. Even in like, you know, that first cable guy movie, he's like sleeping in that hat and stuff. Like, I think it's a mistake. He's less commanding without the hat.

It's right. Just like Saddam Hussein. Exactly. You need that beret. See that hanging video? Nothing. No energy. Totally. Gaddafi, dude, when they shoved that fucking pole up his ass, that fucking hat was nowhere to be found. When you were known for a hat, you should be buried in your hat. Yep, exactly. Ligosi got buried in the cape, dude. It's just if you are pop culturally or professionally tied to a piece of clothing, you have to be buried in it.

Absolutely. Evil can evil. Is he dead? If not, when he is, definitely buried in that fucking red, white, blue as well, what they should do with, check that, see if he's dead. Because if not, you check that, you see if he's dead. I think they should put him on a motorcycle and dig a big pit for him.

No, have it, like, drive in, you know, just like put it on and push it and have it fall in. He died the same year this movie came out. Oh, okay. R-I-P-D. I saw that there's an

evil-kneville biopic with George Hamilton. Oh, yeah. Is that any good? No. Oh, okay. But it's out there. Is that a new movie? Yeah.

Yeah, it came out five years before you were born. I got to, I'm going to call him out because calling out things Keith David does in this movie is the only thing that kept me from not turning it off last night. He goes, where's that other fat turn? And it just, But it does lead into a Larry fucking toilet joke

Where he's just like Oh, I just left a fat turd big enough For the Guinness book You know what, if that, let's just do it Let's make a movie about Larry shitting Yes, yes, that's like He talks about it here And then later like there's an outhouse joke

With the whole thing falls over Oh right. I just want to be like, I can't go to war I got the green apple splatters And it's just like him in a bathroom Just like really Oh man, this is tough. That's a thing. I think the other two movies are grosser in general.

Like, like shitting, puking, like pissing, all that stuff is more on the table. Here they're almost reserved. It's almost reserved. Well, you can't have all the shit stuff because then how are you going to make room for all the racism? They should lean into, they should do like a jackass thing. If I get, if I would pay money to go to the theater to see Larry the cable guy shot with a paint gun or something. Well, you know, it's kind of funny, right? Because I was talking about like Buster Keaton. We mentioned the Stooges a little bit.

Distill Larry. down to the plot of silent comedies, right? And one of them, it's like, in this two-reelor, Larry has to find a bathroom. And it's just him running around a town and like, you know, some shop keeps like, I don't think so. You'll get out of here, Larry, the cable guy. You can't shit in my business, you know. That's something.

It's all I need, really. I'm Larry, the cable guy, and this is the disintegrated balls. Wait, what? Oh, no, my balls had been disintegrated. With hammers. Oh, no. hammered my nutsack I'm Larry the cable guy

and this is getting cut cold huh? Oh, I like this. I'm jerking off in the corner. I'm Larry the cable guy and this is getting served divorce papers. Wait, what? Again, how are we making this guy so much better?

I mean, it's not hard. Because there's nothing here from him. He's not even like, you're right, he is like the most energetic of the mall. But even he is like, kind of on low fuel here. Now here's the question though. Jeff Foxworthy passed.

Jeff Foxworthy would rather talk to fifth, talk to adults and ask them fucking high school math questions. And that's it. Can you locate where the Congo is? That's much more, you know. No, they can. So whatever. We cut to

the training's done. We're in a plane. We're, you know, flying to Iraq by way of flying over Mexico. I don't know how this fucking flight path is working. Felusia. I'm supposed to be, oh, now this Bill Angwell. I'm supposed to be home to mow the grass tomorrow. Yeah.

That's the big. And that's like in the joke, he keeps calling his wife and Lisa Lampinelli, thankfully. Not a lot of Lisa Lampanelli and it's all like her on the other totally and Lisa Lampinelli as the Peanuts Mother. Yeah. Why do you even need her?

Did you make these noises? You hire a comedian who is famous for her rapid fire loud mouth that she has. That's how she's always delivered stuff. You give her like one line at the beginning of this movie and then it's just her muffled yelling over the phone. It's also interesting to have like Bill Engval do the joke of like, well, I'll be safe for in Iraq.

Meanwhile, there's a lot of war dead by now. It's kind of insensitive to even get it. Yeah, totally 2007. Dude, we've had four years to kill innocent citizens. Some guy who just buried his whole family goes to the movies and sees this. And it's like, oh, Larry, when they're trying to get out of it, though, Larry does, because you got to do it like at least one. So everybody, all the seals in the audience go,

oh, art, or, or, art, or, he goes, Navy SEALs. Excellent. He goes something like, well, far be it for me to interfere with the war on terror. And it's like, yeah, you said the thing. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, war on terror. And then eventually he does get a get her done in before they get on the plane. Oh, you're totally right.

Yeah, I'm sad that. We were talking about this before. I'm sad we didn't get a Here's Your Sign gag. Totally no, here's your son. You do get a Larry the Cable guy. And I feel like it was like, Dan, you have to stop saying it the way you say it because the line is carpet flyer. Because he's got some line about like, oh, Sarge, I can't go to Fallujah.

Them carpet flyers don't even use toilet paper. Wow. I did not catch. This is what we're doing. I had to rewind. Put the subtitles on because I was like, what did that pig say? It's tough because... How do you expect me to go up against Arabian magic?

You got them flying carpets, dropping bombs from the carpet, talking to genie? They have a genie. They have the Robin Williams genie, the most strongest genie of them all. That was the weapons of mass destruction. Hey, cool, I found the cave of wonders. Oh, hey, cool, Jafar's going to give me my reward. My returnal reward Yikes

Here's the problem We could have invaded Iraq So much easier All you had to do Would say open sesame They have armies of our boers Arabian days Like Arabian days

Take off all your clothes Why can't Why am I not seeing more jasmines What I'm asking This is kind of instructive Interesting to me. John Anderson of Variety wrote, if three of the magnificent seven had been goberpile,

the result might have looked like Delta Fars. A movie Rife with Fat, Fart, and Fallujah jokes, but with a subcontaneous wit that has a lot to do with Iraq War fatigue. Iraq War fatigue in 2007. Take the Iraq War out of that sentence. It has a lot to do with fatigue. They are all very fatigued and lazy.

That is what's happening here. But that's the thing. I guess we were sort of tired of the Iraq war. Too fucking bad, I guess. Yeah, totally. We were tired of hearing about it. We weren't tired of it happening because it took another fucking 15 years before we even got close. I mean, it's just incredible, though, because in some other universe, there is some smart satire that came out of criticizing our, the United States, like rah-rah fucking boner for war in the Middle East post-9-11. Somewhere there is a political satire that did it. This movie is way too fucking. and dumb to come anywhere close to that and it's insane that that guy's like kind of hinting that that's what the movie's doing shut the fuck up and it would be interesting uh james hold on james doesn't have a film criticism job anymore hopefully it would be interesting if someone like larry actually did like moved into a satire for yes the you know like in a genuine

sense because he's someone who's always obviously support the troops look at the back of my pickup I got every great racist bumper sticker or whatever. Someone like that, which is a character he's doing. He's not actually like that. If he could change that character and do his real satire, it might be the good of mankind. That would be very, I would be very

interested. I will say this, and I never said this about anything involving Dan Whitney, I would be very interested to see that. I would, no, I would be too, but the problem is instead it just veers towards you ever fart so hard, your back cracks. Like, that power will never be used for good.

what I hate about that piece, though, that you just... What you were saying, what he was writing there is, it's not ripe with fucking fart jokes. I wish it was. There's not... It's like a fart desert out there, man. I would like some more fart. Get more. John Anderson is the... I wrote that, by the way. I don't know. A variety.

A variety. Okay. It turns out it was just a fart oasis. It's a mirage, actually. So they're on the plane Jesse Bally Ventura is spitting a spitting chew at them Hey, I'm a slack jawed so-and-so. Hey, cool!

I like the way that got dogs. Dude, and you can tell, man, it is like a cartoon character smashing another one over the head with a sledgehammer. How hard this movie dates itself when DJ Qualls makes a fucking Chuck Norris joke on the plane? Oh, yeah.

Woo, we, I wasn't expecting. It was like getting slapped in the face. That's a hit to the kidneys right there. Oh, man, I got a fun gift book full of those, dude. Do you really? No, but my friend did. And I was like, yikes. Oh, man.

See, that's when book burning is appropriate. The sadly numerous Chuck Norris books out there. There's also something where Keith David confirms that don't ask, don't tell is still definitely in effect. It's funny. I kind of wish Chuck Norris showed up at the end of this movie. Like, maybe he saves everybody. Couldn't afford him. Oh, did you hear?

This is the Delta Farse. What about me? The Delta Force. Hi, Larry. I'm going to kick Danny Trejo in the throat. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye, America. Still more energy than Bill Invol. Fucking stunning. That dude has made more than one movie. By the way, internet ticker. John Anderson is still reviewing movies.

I don't know what these certain publications are. But apparently he's written for variety, but not for the last six years. On this thing, on Ron Tomatoes, it says he's written for New York Times, Newsday, Los Angeles Times, Washington Post, Baltimore's son, Christian Science Monitor, Time Magazine, Wall Street Journal, Village Voice, American Magazine, and something called Thompson on Hollywood. He is in the New York... Oh, that's Ann Thompson's... He's in the New York film critic circles, so... Which is fine. He's, you know, nothing against the guy, but just get it wrong on Delta Fars. That's all. Which, you know, who could care.

So we're giving a rotten tomato to your review. Yes, sir. We're dragging you, sir. so they're on this long flight and it's like you know again like we're cartoon characters like ha man I'm so tired let's all huddle in this Jeep and get a good night's sleep and so they hit some bad weather

Huey and Louis get inside yes totally do they all put on their little like Donald Duck fucking sleeping gown and then fucking Larry farts and the fucking thing opens uh oh I farted our way out of the plane well they hit some bad

weather, and the plane pilot is played by Joel McKinnon Miller, who I think is fucking hysterical. He was on Brooklyn 9-9 and a thousand other things. He's had the same exact haircut for 50 years. God doesn't respect that shit. So he's like, oh man, the bad weather, something, something we should

drop some of the cargo. And here we go, we're letting this Jeep out so these guys get tossed out the back of the plane. I don't think so. I hit turbulence. I'm flying munitions to Iraq. Better just dump it all out. Well, I mean, like, we lost so much money in that war. It just makes sense.

Like, oh, just dump it. I don't know. Look, we'll come back for it. Don't worry. Well, when we're coming back this way, we'll drop down, get it. I mean, it is weird because there's some shades of, like, actual criticism because the co-pilot is like, well, you just fucking dumped all this. So what the hell are we going to do? And, you know, Joe McKinnon Miller is like, oh, well, you'll just fill out some paperwork.

And it's the American government's problem. And I'm like, okay. I mean, yeah, that's a joke. Totally not for Delta Farst. That's a completely different movie. accurate criticism but um keith david gets like uh they're on the the truck and it as it goes out but keith david's like leg gets caught in a wire or something and goes out solo he should be dead right like oh he's kind of cool if he just if he's just a fucking skeleton yeah totally but he is

dragged down with them and it's like the next more stunning that the three of them like fell asleep so hard that like they parachute down in the Humvee or whatever and then wake up like well I guess we're in Iraq let's get out of the Jeep here it is the jewel of the Middle East in Makiko City and then we had a don't ask to tell joke here when DJ Qualls and Bellingville are like cuddled up together sleeping and he's like what the name of Sigfried and Roy are you two dude yeah figfried and Roy jokes in two It's because the dad's remember Siegfried and Rose was gay.

Oh, Nailed him. Get him. Get him. And then I think Bill Angelo's like, Don't ask. And then DJ Qualls, like, Don't tell. I thought of the fact that how fucking horrible

for DJ Qualls, again, one of the only real actors in this movie and a dude who years later came out as gay. Oh, did he really? Yes. He's a gay man.

By the way, in the blooper reel, he says something like, My last movie was nominated for two Academy Awards. That kind of rule. It was a hustle and flow. Oh, I forgot he's in the hustle. That's right. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, the poor bastard. But yeah, I heard that and I was like, oh, man. Yeah. Sorry, DJ. I'm sure that was a really supportive set. Oh, did you notice too here when Larry, like, gets out of the Jeep? And he's like, ah, yes, to be an Iraq. Wait, Iraq!

And the score changes immediately. And it's just like, like the same. music you hear in Takasablanca. And you're like, oh, man. You hear the little like, you know, recorder flute thing going. It's so much worse than that. It's like when South Park, when Osama bin Laden

comes on the screen in fucking South Park. He's still making cameos in that contemporary and urgent show? I don't know if you. I mean, like I just remember him at the time. Yeah, yeah. Stunning stuff. Osama bin Laden was very funny. Yeah. I don't know what he's up to

these days, but at least when he's appearances on South Park and like on the Tonight Show and he would show out. Oh, totally. He's appearing at Zanies at the bottom of the sea. Yeah. I think he's a little looking over his head now. Maybe he's cute. Oh.

That would rule. See, so that'll keep that fire burning for another five years. Yeah. But so like they realized that they bury Keith David alive here, which is kind of fun. Oh my God. He is Q because it's Al-Qaeda with a with a Q. With a Q. They were telling

us the whole time. He's the Q. Dude, the fucking burying alive of Keith David, like one, why, two, how does he not wake up? Three, how is he not dead at that way? He rises

from the grave later in the movie because of course he's not going to be dead, but like, I don't know, man. I feel like that's not working. I feel like they wrote it as he would die here and then they're like, oh, wait, the rest of the movie happens. We should get somebody else in here. So they write him back in as a zombie.

Right. But then we, of course, earlier before he comes back, we have DJ Qualls pissing in canteens. Yes. So that it's like we're going to have to do this. If we run out of water, we should preserve our urine or whatever. We're in Dune and moisture matters. Oh, hey, guys, hang on. It's like, before the movie continues, I'm going to take a piss in this thing.

So we leave it here. So the only black actor in the movie can drink my urine later. And wash his face with it. And then scream because it's terrible. very bad urine. This, but this is the, so now we're going to set out. We got to like, like armor up this Humvee

because we're going to go, I guess, into town or whatever. And this is where we get Larry, massive machine gun thing, turns towards the camera, Gitter, dear. And I'm sure the audience, the nine people in the audience,

the nine dads in the audience, like, fuck yeah, Larry, fuck yeah. Hey, Phil, is that you down there? Yeah, what's fucking funny? Yeah. They were clapping, and they were clapping their two teeth together somehow. And as they drive away, they drive over a sign that they have not seen because the Humvee landed right on it that says Mexico City, 500 kilometers. And they stop, and this is the most racist part of the movie.

And I mean, like, here's the thing. It's like, if the joke is, and I'm sure if you ask people associate this, we think, oh, no, these guys are just so ignorant, they don't know the difference between Iraqis and Mexican. They'll argue they're the joke. Exactly. The joke is on them. They're just such so blundering, stupid idiots. But they stop at this roadside. There's a picture of a guy who looks, just a Mexican guy. Like, with a mustache. Big mustache. Like, whatever. Not a soberer on his head. I keep forgetting. Like, it's like, I don't think so. But like, you know, you would maybe a hat of some kind. He does have some hat.

He should be buried in a hat. You would say, oh, it's just a Mexican guy, some like cartoon Mexican guy. They stop and then like Larry's like, there he is. Shaddam Hu Shade. And it's like, okay, that's, that's whatever. And then like, of course, I used to be like, that looks like that guy, Raji, down at the Circle K. He's a, he's a dot, dot, Indian, not a Tomahawk Indian. And I mean, again, hey, Phil, that's fucking funny, dude.

Man, this is probably, and I say this with zero hyperbole, the best movie I have seen in my entire life. You know, I'm always making that mistake, too, all the time. Every day I do that. All of the Peter Sarsgaard's character from fucking boys don't cry is fucking cackling somewhere.

Maybe I mean, maybe that's why Foxworthy backed away as well because not only, you know, schedule conflicts, but like I'm back on Fox after all this time. I'm not going to risk it for your fucking weird. Racist a movie. You're a racist joke. Well, that was the thing

always with Foxworthy is he was the most family friendly of that bunch. Nice. I'm like, Family friendly comedian An inspiration to assault But and like We just spend so much time looking at this And assessing who it could be and why and

But you're a bag dad And then DJ DJ Qualls is like oh that looks like Raji like everybody knows and it's like Fuck off this movie man It's just fucking off It's totally insane And they thought about that gag by the way

There was a lot of thought put into this gag going, hopping from each one of these characters to make this fucking goddamn. So they wind up, they see a couple guys with a donkey and DJ Qualls tries to, it's like, I'm, you know,

DJ Qualls is, if he has a characteristic, he's the most gung home military. He's like a murder, a serial killer. He wants to kill people. Oh, I mean, this is the dude that's like, you know, they become local cops everywhere, which is like, I played call a duty, you know, consecutively for the last like six years

of my life every single fucking day I can do it just put me in there coach and this is exactly what it is he's like you know when are we going to get in the shit and he sees these dudes he pulls out this huge

fucking gun and he also asks if they're turds or shitites instead of Kurds or Shiites and then like Bill Engval who's the swarmes actually it's Kurds or Shiite which like would have been fine if they left it

that, right? Like, that's the only time we're going to do that. But then we're just saying fucking turds and shit tights later anyway. Without the Engvalian correction. The problem with MSNBC is it's Miz NBC. You know what I'm saying? You can tell it's Ms. NBC because she's got a bow on her hand.

I would absolutely write for Larry the cable guys. So drop a line if this makes it to you. When his new Newsmax special comes out. I will happily write on a show for Newsmax. After that weird, like, he like plug Trump on Fox

news like that was kind of the last time you saw Larry the cable guy in public I'm sure he's just living off his riches yeah I would hope so yeah totally maybe like considering this like turn towards being a more critique of that persona but probably not he's got a huge compound in his never slim ranch

down there dude there is a Neverland Ranch Joe that is pretty great the Never Slim Ranch can you just wait hang on a second just let that sit the never slimmer I like that's fucking I heard Eric's laugh

from my house when that fucking joke because the joke is something something oh man I'm more nervous at a cabbscat at the Neverland Ranch there it is exact

to the letters do you do it in the mirror this morning yeah so Qualls it's like where I get to shoot a motherfucker and he fires at these two guys and like hits this

mule or whatever and the mule fucking falls over and the three of them like run up to these two Mexican dudes like with these rifles in their fucking face. And here's where the movie just falls apart. And I mean, obviously the movie eventually has to,

like they have to get over the premise at some point because it doesn't make it, it cannot hold water. But like the idea as dumb as somebody might be, if you're an American and you don't know what Mexican people look like what the Spanish language sounds like. Exactly. You would, you have to know what it is. Even if you're the most racist motherfucker in the world,

you have encountered Spanish people. And you live in the Southern. United States. Exactly. Like what, like you, like you have, here's the thing. Of course you would recognize Spanish immediately. You would recognize Mexican culture immediately. If only because that's all shit that makes you see red.

You know, we're avoiding like other jokes that could have been. Where's their beekeeper suits? These ladies are dressed like seigneuritas. Oh, yeah. There's a burqa. It's like, don't get your burqa shit and twist or something. I missed it, dude. He says it to somebody.

Because this folks at home, if you watch this movie, you have to have a lot of substances around. Yeah, totally. I was like, I was rolling a joint while vaping. But these guys are just speaking Spanish to them. They're just speaking Spanish. Oh, shut up with your little language there. I don't want to hear it. Are you a Republican guard?

Are you Al-Qaiders? And then it's like, and this is what they keep doing through a lot of the movie. And this is why, like, it ultimately, I mean, it wasn't before. but when they start doing this, it's definitely you are not a critique of any of this because they start using the bullshit of like, we're here to liberate your people. And it's like,

oh my fucking God. When they turn down that avenue, then you're like, I know exactly who this is. Because this movie's never going to criticize the military, obviously. You can't do that. So then also why make it? But like, literally the extent of it is bureaucratic,

like the fucking joke about the paperwork. Like their problem with the government under Bush, was that it was still bureaucratic, not that we were fucking Iraq up all the time. You got to get in there and fucking put our boot in their ass. We gotta do that.

We just can't put any record of that. We don't want no records of it. Show us how to get to Baslamabad. That's another fucking dumb thing. Show us how to get to Baslerman land. Hey, I love Moulin Rouge. Can't wait to go to Australia. Honestly, better movie

if they got airdropped into Australia. And they're like, they're speaking funny. And then some fucking kind Australian person murders them. Yeah, that'd be cool. They got kangaroos in Iraq. Oh, no. The Iraqis are just plund the kangaroo army. Oh, hey, cool.

I got hit with an Iraqi boomerang. I've been lied to my entire life. Foster this is an Iraqi bear. Bill Ingle, I want you to meet my new bride, Joey. I'm having sex With a raccoon With a kangaroo A kangaroo

I get Well I got a menagerie Hey cool I got a marsupial fetish It's called double roo Oh no That kangaroo's pregnant With somebody else's baby

I got cooked by kangaroo Oh that's amazing Oh my God Bill you got to hear this Mel Gibson Is from Iraq it's one of the biggest actors to come from would you look at this I think my dick's got fleas

oh my fucking god this donkey wakes up to which DJ Qualls responds Iraq it's the land of miracles which like I don't even know what that joke is supposed to be and here's another part of this movie that needs I mean I don't remember Three Amigos it's been forever is there a body count? Because here I think there is. Here there needs to be

and there isn't. Like the donkey doesn't die. Keith David doesn't die. At the end of the movie where everyone's shooting everything, nobody dies. No. Even Danny Trejo, which we haven't gotten to yet, is like punched in the face. Steve, to be fair, it's because nobody dies in wars. That's a really good point. Yeah. That's the thing is as soon as you see bodies all over the place, then people in the audience start thinking,

like oh fuck that's also happening in real time because we're doing that i mean and this is very much three amigos with the setup where we have to go save this village that's under threat by this like regional warlord or whatever but that's such a and i haven't seen it in a while and it's not perfect but that's such a better comedy than this because you've got steve martin fucking and they're they're fish out of water stick of them wearing these fancy outfits from their movie career down oh that's what i was going to ask because it's been a while the other like movie star. That's the other thing is that you can make fun of Hollywood a little bit. And for some reason, they're like, no, we can't do that in the Larry the cable guy movie. Because if you're

making fun of those dudes in this movie, you are making fun of a large swath of the American population and they are not prepared to do that. The whole point is to get guy, quote unquote, guys who are like that to go see the movie. Which is crazy. And that's the point. It's the point we should be striving for as Americans is to put the oppressive heel of the government on the necks of those guys. Those guys are dangerous. I'm being sincere. I'm advocating for the, you know, the empire that is the United States to come

down hard. Domestic terrorism is the, the most dangerous threat to this country. Absolutely. I mean, the problem is like in this movie, everything is one note. Like, once the setup is here, we're just constantly oh my God, they're confused.

They still think they're in Iraq. Yes. Unbelievable that they think. Like, that's why I think witless protection and health inspector are much better. It's because they actually buy into the comedy thing of like, it is a little skittish. Like each its scene is a scene. And that's it. It's a little skittish in this movie.

But at least in Whitless Protection and the other one in there, cable guy, like, it's Larry the cable guy being put into situations with actors who are playing off him like Thomas F. Wilson, like whomever. God bless him. Like, even Jenny

McCarthy. Joey Pan. Who's in the movie? You have a coto's it. Witness Protection as well. And, like, Keith David's in this, but, like, Keith David is gone for large swaths of this movie. He doesn't meet back with them until much later. And we use him for the butt of rape jokes. Yes.

So then it's just that these three, like, just fucking around. You know what I mean? Totally. Like, when we're not making racist jokes, the only other thing the movie is doing is doing things like, Larry's got the lens cap on the binoculars, two tat. They got tacos in Iraq. Oh, man. the one part where they're eating

they're eating like the freeze dry food or whatever and Larry's like oh do you you got beef stew you want to trade take my spaghetti and meatball or whatever and then Billingval eventually does trade and he's just like what's this oh yeah I needed a spitting

bag for all my chewing tobacco but don't worry dude Billingville doesn't take a bite of it he leaves it for the black man to eat the fucking again shoe shit after he's to have showered in This. Oh, man. Yeah. Honestly, I'd rather be pissed on than be in this movie. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah. That just takes an hour or something. You take a shower afterwards, you're good to go. Yeah. Being allowed to, if I'm setting it up and somebody's actually pissing on me, that's great. But a canteen full of piss. Oh, yeah. That sucks. I would appreciate to know who's piss. I would like to see the weiner. Or, you know, other spot. Give me the full show is what I'm saying. So they think they're in Islamabad. And then I don't remember what the gag is. because someone says something that sounds to Larry

like feta cheese and he's like oh I can't eat that Greek food it goes right through me it's been 10 minutes since there was a diary a joke and so like they're gonna go into town and fuck shit up and DJ Qualls puts on Ride of the Valkyries as a thing but no not these two no put on the Duke's a hazard theme he's bounding down loaded up and trucking we're gonna do it

and they say it can't be done. Like, way better song, first of all, than right of the Valkyrie is for sure. A long way to go. And a short time to get there. Look out. Watch old band to run. Fantastic song.

Although Valky's is probably more accurate for what these kind of people are. Yeah, that's true. They should have done booting your ass, man. We'll boot a bait in your ass. Yeah, you're totally right. Is that Toby Keith? That is Toby Keith.

I'm a big piece of shit. Which was always unfortunate when that tune, came out because, man, I love this bar. I love this bar. When it is like quarter to 12 and you are ponied up to the bar and everybody's kind of clearing out, you're just nursing that one last beer and I love this bar. You will feel so great. I love Nazi Germany. See, then he went to ruin that song for me. That's the thing. That should have been the last thing that John Prime before he left us. He should have done a cover of I love this bar so nobody had to listen to Tony Key. God damn it. You're right. Fuck you, COVID.

You robbed us of the John Prine. I love this bar. I love this bar. Well, but you know what? We're going to put a boot in your ass. I don't care how many 20s of years it takes to do it. And how many billions of dollars and thousands of lives on both sides? We're putting a boot in somebody's ass, baby.

And the size of that boot is completely subjective. And the force of which the boot is being kicked is also completely subjective. But yeah, we're going to do it. Oh, yeah. We are just kicking the shit out of something somewhere and I'll never ever see it. We're just kicking the shit out. I just wake up jerking off to somebody kicking the shit at it. You know what I love? Not only do I love this bar. I love seeing coffins come home. No, I won't put a mask on, you fucking tyrant. But we will kick ass. Putting a boot in your ass. Red, white, and blue boot. No, I can't have colors on my boots. Then them's gays boots. We have Toby Keith's new pro-sanctions Ukraine-Russia song.

Let's all die together. Well, no, did you see Madison Cawthorne on the floor of the house? Literally, and that's why the song's in my head, was like, and as we say, as Toby Keith once said, let's put a boot in their ass or like, because like trying to get, trying to get the... Wait, for like kicking out Ukrainians from Ukraine. is that it? No, no, no. Just go in Russia

start shooting. Oh, sure. Yeah. It's very interesting how Trump himself is against Ukraine and all of his supporters are against Russia now. Yeah. I don't know. I guess I haven't been on Facebook at a while so I don't know what's going on there. Oh, that's the pipeline. DeSantis will rise.

Oh, yeah, yeah. See, now now folks at home that aren't in the United States now you see what we have to contend with, but your place is shit too. but so whatever they go in and they start shooting all this stuff and Larry just arrests a guy is kind of the thing yeah there's like there yeah much like three amigos there's like a group of bandits

terrorizing this town they go in firing this fucking like machine gun from the top of this you know SUV or whatever it doesn't do anything it's full of fun bullets it doesn't go it doesn't go anywhere doesn't kill anybody bullets are just kind of silly everyone runs out the village like you know except for the Larry does capture a guy but he's like off screen doing that

you see DJ Qualls he's like I am your king bow down before me and then he does like what I can only describe as the Xena yell and you're just like man you were in road trip as far as this movie is concerned

every bullet that's fired is like the Roger Rabbit bullets yes exactly each of them have a little voice they're very friendly they're all talking like Larry the cable guy. I think around here Larry even has a line like, this Iraq place is almost as dangerous as Detroit. Yeah, yep.

There's something like that. But it's a weird, no, it's a weird. Detroit's like the next part because it's like, this place is more dangerous than blah, blah, blah. And then it's like, or Detroit. That's a little bit of domestic policy for you people. You've got a little too much for. Guess the problem I have with Detroit.

Hey, look around the audience and tell me who's not there and who might be in Detroit. That's right. I hate car jobs. I famously am against the Detroit Lions football. That's what I meant by that. Let's say it's that. So they get treated to a big meal. And like, again, this guy comes up to Larry, thanks him so much.

Like, why you speak good English? It's like, well, yeah, I speak, you know, we're very, our countries are. very close. He's like, get this guy a map over here. And I'm like, could we fucking stop? They're serving camel-ass tacos. Camel-ass tacos. Camel-assish is specifically ash.

It's like we can't even leave it. I mean, it's bad either way, but we can't even leave it. It's just camel meat tacos. It's got to be there specifically eating the fucking asshole tubes out of camel. I would eat a camel-ass taco. Oh, absolutely. Yeah, what the hell?

I'll try any food once. Put some ranchero sauce on that. Shred that shit up. I'd love that. There is some, there's a lot of these and they continue until they find out it's Mexico, but one I wrote down was, all right,

Ahmed, don't get your burqa in the wad. That's what I'm here. Yeah, this whole like camel sequence is when the mayor's introduced, and he's introduced his mayor Garcia, and he's still thinking it's Iraq. Dude,

and you know people named Garcia. Exactly. There is a thing. I think it's, because you I think got us here, Steve, just about this scene with the get-in-the-map part because the guy, he's like,

oh my God, do you speak English? What? And the guy's like, yeah, well, we're very close. And Larry's like, yes, it turns out ideologically, we are as close, and blah, blah, blah. And he's like, the guy's like, yes, but I also meant we are literally close.

Somebody get this guy a map? Stop. Stop trying to ruin the movie. Anyway, I don't know where we are. I got to fuck this whole movie. I cannot know where the fuck I am. God damn it's the whole fucking ball. It is the whole fucking ball.

What are you doing? And do I have to do that la la la la la thing? I put fucking earmuffs on if you're going to ruin the plot of the movie. And at this point, somebody calls him gringo and that's what does it. Well, actually, no, I mean, like, no, but they're drinking like Modell. they're drinking beers and stuff. There's tequila in this movie, too. It's just...

And he meets a sexy lady because that's the biggest question mark of the Larry, the cable guy, filmography on the whole, women being attracted to him. And this lady Maria, played by Marisol Nichols

from Riverdale, among other things. I guarantee you Larry contextualized this, like, the movie's kind of progressive. I even want a stupid one of them. We just did Simone. Yes.

The technology considered in that is made for characters like this. Like, where it's just like you're not supposed to care about this person at all. You're supposed to find them attractive and then wait for Larry to kiss him with the fucking fat lips.

That's what you're supposed to do. Around here, I think DJ Qualls like kidnap someone. It's the dude that Larry arrested and they tell DJ Qualls to go like watch him and he's interrogating him. Where are the WMD's Republican Guard or Al or whatever, but also

he's wearing his sniper gear. Yeah. And when Larry sees this. Oh, yeah. Because he brought it from home. It's not even government. Yeah, he says, you look like a R-word Chewbacca. Chubaca.

Hmm. You look like Lumpy from the holiday special. You know, Chewbacca's father. Look at that black crescenton, you look like you. You look like a snuffle up against except for with a gay slur in it. you look so stupid they wouldn't let you on the Book of Boba fan

yeah I'm a huge Star Wars fan oh man but yeah Quiles is yelling about like where are the weapons of mass destruction and this dude the dude hilariously because again it's just another fucking Mexican dude that speaks fluent English and he's like oh my God this fucking moron you think you're in Iraq right now

the dude starts laughing at him it's kind of the best part of the movie but you're right The thing with Larry, though, is, like, Larry comes to the interrogation. We have the fucking horrible Chewbacca line. Larry then says something to this dude. The dude calls him Gringo. And Larry goes, gringo. That's what you say when you're in her.

And we do the fucking, like, Hitchcock camera forward zoom out move. Oh, my God. Oh, no. It's worse than Iraq. I do want a Homer Simpson moment of gringo, Rward, Chewbacca. Gringo, Rward, Chubbacca. Gringo. and then it's like a clip of Bill Engwald

drinking a Modelo and that's what he goes out and he sees her he looks around and he realizes all of the benchmarks like the Virgin Mary and all this stuff and this is

Oh no we invaded Mexico and we're AWOL that means we're gonna go to prison and prisons full of chubby chasers I'm getting prison rape think about it they do they go above and beyond

to fit in extra rape jokes in I mean that's the crazy so here the first one of those. Yeah, we did skip over. Which is the one to cut. I mean, I mean, I would cut all.

If I'm like, if I'm in the studio executive, like, I know we need this for some reason, but like, because later on there's a character who is like a gay character who's like in love with everybody and he wants to give everyone kisses and that's so scary and creepy, that's your character and that's whatever. And I mean, I would, again, excise it. But then you can't have this rape joke in the beginning. Do you know what I mean? Keith David is walking on the road.

He's trying to hitchhike. And these two Mexican guys pick him up. And they're like, hey, why don't you come with us? We'll give you a ride. And what they say, though, to set that up, which is like, this is weird because they're speaking in Spanish in front of Keith David. What they say is because the guy's like, what should we do with them? And the other guy says, why don't we take them back to our hideout and do what we always do?

And that's where the scene cuts in for us. And then the Pulp Fiction Gimp music starts playing. Burning! I mean, dude, it is kind of the same thing of like a black man is just being raped in this movie. Keith David escapes wearing like red lingerie. Yeah, it's like a nightie and he's got makeup on and he like beats these guys up and whatever. That was the scene I decided didn't happen. After I watched it, I was like that didn't.

I'm not. Nope, that's gone. Dude, you were like me with Adventures in Pinocchio. You were like, did something? Did the weed go bad? It has to go out. It has to leave. And I mean, like that's your joke and whatever.

And then, like, that has to be it then. You've done your gay rape joke and it's it. You know what I mean? Unless this is a movie where that's all you talk about, which it kind of is, sadly. You're obsessed with it. They're fucking obsessed with it. Because I thought this is, first of, pardon me, I thought this is a racist movie, not a homophobic movie. Hey, it's both.

Throw, slow a slathering of his lambophobia on there. The Venn diagram of people who are racist and people who are homophobic is just a purple circle. We got what you call a two for one deal here. It's like the golden corral a shit you don't want to hear about. Well, there's something for you, the racist, and something for, I don't know, J.K. Rowling. Here's the homophobia

fountain. Yeah, there you go. Your fucking Venn diagram joke just made me think about, like, imagine a Ku Klux Klan guy taking off the hood and being like, you know what, guys, love is love. It just would never happen. Exactly. Exactly.

He also would hate that. He has one of those sides out in front of his house like in this house we believe in science we believe love is love and like the one racist one he has crossed out like it's all those well yeah it does everything in black lives matter is like crossed like everything else everything else

I totally agree with we believe no he puts all lives matter we believe in science yeah race science come on we believe in phrenology in this house and then at this point in the movie the movie needs to move on and we have a villain which is Danny

Trejo poor your old Pearl Danny Traymo. Another sad, sad moment. And he's, he again doing his best. He's bringing it. He's fucking bringing it in this movie. As Carlos Santana, not the musician, get ready for 50 jokes of that. That is so tired. It's so, so bad. And he, but he's like just such a wacky warlord because they just cut to him in his gang and he finds out that one of them got captured. And he's like, oh, you know, I'm not going to kill you. You know, Hector is going to kill you, whomever else is going to kill you. And then it's like, now bring out, instead of bring out the regor, it's like, bring out the Jeff Dunham.

Yes, this line that they, because what's funny about this, and it's not funny, is they kidnapped someone from a performer, I think they give him a different name, Kevin or something like that. From a Cancun Hotel.

The Amazing Can, excuse me. The Amazing Ken was in Cancun, which is to play to white people who visit Cancun. Yes. Yes. Why would you kidnap this guy and have him play for your Mexican audience? You know it's not going to work. You know no one's going to like the jokes.

Yeah. I mean, because the gag is like Danny Trejo is a fan of like the performing arts because it's like he's got the stand-up comedy. There's a karaoke night. I guess it's just entertainment all around because then he's got the luchador match happening. Classically, that also makes you a villain in movies.

So I understand why they were. there. Liking prop or a ventriloquist act? And any, but yeah. Liking culture. Yes. Anything like that. So now, Danny Trao, watch out. When we take off the blindfold, you have to be the first thing that Jeff Dunham sees. That's how you bond

with him. That's the only way to do it. So now he'll always do his racist act directly to you. Because now, to be clear, Jeff Dunham's got his chili pepper character here. By the way, he's such a racist like this entire act. I can't believe how he's still a thing

I saw some puff piece on him recently I'm like pop piece please it's a Puppie piece Puppet It's because he's a puppet guy Puff piece is correct but if it's a puff piece about Jeff Dunham It's a pup piece

I just don't know words too good So I thought maybe I fucked it up I fucked it up You were correct Yeah pup piece About like his Oh what a hard life he had Oh boy

Well his daddy gave him a car and he loved that car and he used that car to drive across the country my daddy making making comedy that everyone loves and it's just the most racist vile shit on the planet it just doesn't stop because his the two jokes he has and it's like and like the joke is oh you can't do that in this audience because it's all mexican people which is like oh uh man there's so many mexican people here i feel like i'm in front of a home depot crickets and then it's like do you know uh why the there were 3 000 mexican soldiers at the Battle of Alamo because they only brought four trucks

and it's like... See, how can you call Jeff Dunham racist? He's laughing at himself here, folks. I mean, look at him. And the thing is, in this movie, if this movie had any fucking scrote, like, which it does not. Kill him. Yeah.

Yep, shoot. And what happens instead is, like, Danny Trejo pulls out this god killer and I'm like, oh, maybe Delta Faris is about to do something that I would love to turn into a gift. and instead like he shoots the puppet in the face and then like Jeff Dunham just like faints you know just like falls down in face the only thing is like you see his face is all beaten up

and bloody like fuck you show me fuck you show me how that happened no I want to double Sonny Corleone is what I'm looking for here or even like because I know you're not going to do what I want which is like him getting shot in the stomach and bleeding out for 20 minutes screaming Danny Trejo's like you're not going to be okay

are you a doctor are you doing well this puppet it is. No, but like, instead, even do a thing where it's like he makes another bad Mexican joke and there's like a sniper rifle like red dot on his head. Red dot on his head? A red laser sighter on his head.

We're talking about this movie so I wanted to specify. A red laser sight on his head and then you cut. Like you know that it, that way we the audience know he gets fucking murdered. Totally. But at least it's family friendly enough to know that you don't have to show it. And the funny thing. though is like it's not like this was put out by like

Disney or even Paramount or something like this guy can be Lionsgate dude you put out sauce shoot that piece of shit in the head and then you know it's that Danny Trejo is a bad guy you know what I mean and then me stakes I could feel okay knowing that Jeff Dunham was fucking murdered oh yeah if you if you're serious about getting your

audience this audience to hate fucking Danny Trejo kill Jeff Dunham totally oh my God I can't believe it oh my God it was like seeing John and get shot in the street. Yeah, and then we go from that to another gay panic joke because everyone had so much fun at the town.

DJ Qualls wakes up in a dress and this is what happens when he drinks tequila and eats the worm. Dude, and Larry, like, kind of walks back in that morning as they're waking up and Bill Engval's like, where were you last night? And he's like, I was with Maria. And he goes, oh, yeah, do you guys do the chimichonga?

And you just imagine, like, your uncle at a barbecue. Like, did you do the gym? Chong-up, was it that fucking too fucking funny? Please, let everybody my chug-a-chong-a-chook. No, I asked her to make me some, but she said she'd rather have sex with me for some reason. Well, no, you know what happened was? We were going to get going, but then I told her about my cuckold fetish, and we just couldn't find the third. It just took us all night.

We went to all the sorts of different hotel bars telling people we liked their vibe, but it was just such a mess. We walked around the whole night, and I was trying my bed. I couldn't get it hard. The whole thing went tits up, really. Even at the end, when I tried to. convinced the donkey to help me out you got to be you fuck her and I watch

I don't know how to speak your life you fuck her and I watch and then hymns to me oh man I don't know this language you fuck her and I watch while being sexually humiliated are you

hung though yeah and then the DJ Qualls thing of like he's just wearing a dress and he's like it really breathes and I'm like I bet it does dude I bet it's comfortable as fuck wearing that the hot Mexican son I bet and whatever and like Larry's like we gotta get out of here then we have this infrastructure montage which takes up each of time of this is the weird thing where Larry Larry's character becomes like smart it's like the smart logical character of the movie where he starts feeling bad that they've stupidly, like, just invaded this town. And then he's like, well, we're here on a pacekeeping mission and we're spreading democracy. So we got to help them fix. So he wants to, like, help them fix the town. We're here to give these people a better life. They don't need a warlord. They need a care lord. And we must be here to care for them. So it's like, yeah, there's a well that's broken. Like, what can we do about that? You see them like,

knitting with little old ladies for a second. And this is, by the way, we're using American taxpayer money. This is Nanny State. Bullshit. Bullshit. And then you get the biggest, like, we're bringing jobs to your town because they transform the local canteen into it. You guessed it.

Uders. Which, like, how's that even happening? You got any more daughters we can show off here? Where's your meat? No, I'm talking about the lady meat. Look, I'm looking for more thirds. I need a good pool.

I'm looking for someone six foot four or taller. It doesn't work for me if he's not taller than me. In good shape. I know that's a little hypocritical. That is the point. Oh, God damn. I need to draw you a fucking map, dude.

I need to draw your fucking map to this fetish. Shit. Do you like Chardin? Do you? And they, at this point, they go back. They're like, oh, we can help them too because we have supplies back at the drop site. They go. They find Keith David as they, they, not once are they like, oh, maybe we buried this dude alive. DJ Qualls is like, oh, maybe it was chupacabra.

We need to mention him once. And then the other thing, Larry's like, oh, no, maybe it was grave robbers. And you're like, hell, already then. But yeah, it's like around this time is also we talked about it already, but Keith David breaks out. and he rides a scooter like back towards the town or something like that so he's back

he's trying his best to get back into the movie Bill Engval's like I need to call my wife Oh I got to call my superior A.k.a my wife She pays the bills And then it goes

And then it goes in Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Wah Waa Waa Waa Waa Waa Waa Wra Yeah him and some guy go to the one only working phone in town which also doesn't make a ton of sense Because I don't know Whatever whatever

It's just Mickey for you, there's nothing there. There's no town, no fucking telephine or anything. So this guy is like, oh, they get abducted by Danny Trejo and his crew and Bill Engval is on the floor of this truck

and here comes this guy well, he looks like Bobby Moynihan quite a bit. He does. I looked at him up too. I thought he might have been Bobby Moran but he's not. And it's like, oh, it's Danny Trejo's cousin. That was his nephew, gay nephew, who is gay and, like, wants to just pet Bill Engval. And this is like the bullshit, like when your uncle is faking that he's fine with this.

Exactly. Danny Trejo has the old dusted off that he's here, he's queer, get used to it, because that's the thing all the dads remember from the 70s. Of course. But, and the joke, like, the joke is, like, if you don't tell us what you want, I'm going to have my nephew rape you. but I'm so accepting of my nephew's lifestyle but being with him is a punishment first you kill Jeff Dunham and then you make him tolerant of others

I fucking want him to die this movie thinks that like rape is part of the LGBT Yes exactly that's what that's what guys do to one another They just rape each other And so because of his homophobia Bill Engval's character spills the beans immediately I'll tell you whatever you want to know

Just tell me what you want me to fuck, except your nephew. Which is fine or whatever, not really. We get back to town and there's a big standoff and the joke is, it's a Mexican standoff and it's a pretty okayish joke. Danny Treo delivers it with some aplomb. Down here, we just don't stand up. Guess what? We get it like three times.

We sure do. It's like the ad, don't ask, don't tell joke. You need to at least do it in triplicate. Well, that's so like people remember it, right? They exchange billing all for nothing. and then all of a sudden Keith David comes in and it's like lamb basting Larry and the guys and it's like it's your classic like three stooges turn around joke

yeah totally he doesn't realize that there's this whole gang but like the way this is why this joke doesn't work because like he goes through yes that Keith David walks in like he sees all of them but the joke is that he I mean it's whatever he's got his clothes back somehow we don't see how that happens got a little bit of lipstick on him and they're like we make a little joke about that and then immediately right after the Bill Engval joke

and right after Keith David's only other joke in the movie is almost being raped by dudes he gets caught by this this mincing whatever dude and it's just like now he loves you and I'm like could be fucking stuck what is this movie about? Yeah so they're going to torture Keith David and you think it's going to be this big thing or a giant rape scene but it turns out

this guy because he's gay wants to say sing Sonny and Share with him. Yeah, that's sort of fun. And that is the torture, quote unquote. We just got, I got you babe going and Keith David's screaming about how he hates Sonny and share. I mean, this is Keith David. He's, he's delivering it. He's trying. He sings a song. He does a better job singing than anyone else. And at this point, Larry and the crew realized they have to save him. And it's like a night raid kind of a thing. And, you know, that's sort of something. Bill Engval is putting sugar.

and gas. Blagoval's like a man in costume kind of a thing. He pretends that he's a tourist and he walks up to like the front door of the hideout and he's got this huge map and he's like, I'm trying to get to whatever the fuck and then I guess the joke... I took a wrong turn at Buenos Noche's.

Oh no. He's having a good laugh at that. Oh my God. Raise a Coors light to that one. But I guess the other joke compounded on this is the like the dude at the door is like one of Danny Trejo's security guards. It's like, oh, well, you see the thing you got to do here, and then Engval like

pistol whips him or whatever. Yeah, and knocks him out. Then he takes his outfit. And meanwhile, Larry is going to save Keith David, but we have to take a long time because we really need this Sunny and Share montage. And Larry comes in and saves him right when this guy's about to kiss him. He's like seconds away from lip on lip, and then

Larry, the cable guy comes in and is like, my God, no barrage is for a man and a woman. It just beats those. dude to death and he's just comically knocked out but like the Engval shit about like sugar

in the gas tank like the thing that kills me about that is like there's other moments like like this in the movie that I don't kind of but like it reminded me

of like the fact that this is a Larry movie and Larry the cable guy character in these movies are always like just a perpetual child and it's like he he's sugar in your gas tank

and like Keith David wants to be like no fucking blow these dudes away with weapons. It's a perpetual child who's making jokes that only 70-year-olds would get. Sugar in the gas tank is not

something like I haven't heard, like, I think Kingpin is the last time I heard that joke. You don't think that's like a big thing anymore? No, I don't think so at all. That should be a next TikTok trend or something. Sugar on gas tank. Kids, put sugar in your father's gas tank. Absolutely do that. Coop, we've got sugar in the gas tank. You just said it like it was

David Lynch instructing. It's another case for the blue rose. sugar in the gas tank. I think I'm just getting, I'm getting stuck in a weird Americana where transitioning from Larry the cable guy back to my own voice. Somehow it takes a pit stop.

He needed an intermediary impression. Coop, I'm in Reno, Nevada. There's a trail of domino sugar packets all over the city. Diane, it appears as if someone has a sweet tooth for my fuel injection system. So whatever.

The other part of the distraction is DJ Qualls comes in as the luchador. And like the fact that none of these guys just look at this like body and are immediately like, well, that's DJ Qualls. You know, he wrestles like the luchador star, you know, kicks the shit out of him because he's a maniac. There's a line when I guess DJ Qualls is uncovered that Danny Treo says, hey, it's that R word guy, that R worded guy. Yeah, sure, dude. That's super fun. And, like, all the guns. Isn't it, though?

It's super fun, dude. It's super fun. Raise the Coors like to that. If I'm unemployed and my bowling team isn't going well, that's super fun. That's nice. That makes me feel like I'm seen. Oh, yeah, the pinpals loved this movie. But, yeah, so Larry busts in right when, like, the whole room is about to murder DJ Qualls.

And this is a repeated joke from earlier in the movie, too, where, like, Danny Trejo's like, well, there's like 20 guns on you, Larry, the cable guy. you can't kill us all. And he's like, oh, yeah. Well, how about I just kill you? And, like, Danny Trejo has to just be like, oh, geez, you're right. Well, I guess I'm the selfish, you know, warlord and I don't want to die. So you win Larry the cable guy.

There's a few jokes like that where, like, any trace is like, oh, I didn't think of that. Which I thought was kind of funny. Not like full on funny, but I thought for this movie, that's like a top tier joke for this movie. Right. In the fucking ecosystem of this movie. Yes. And they escape and blow up all their trucks and stuff. So it's like, let's get on the horses and bring out Big Bertha.

I literally, because it was funny, I didn't know, I guess I missed the, I have a different version of this movie in my head. I missed the part where Lisa Lampinelli was in the beginning. And all I keep hearing is the, what do you call it, the Charlie Brown noise. So I didn't know that was Lisa Lampinelli. So when, and I saw it in the credits and when, Danny Trey was like bringing out Big Bertha, I thought for some reason it was going to be like, Lisa Lampinelli with a machine gun. I'm like, that's a better movie. That would be a better movie. But here's the thing.

If that were the case, Steve, then you know the opening credits would be and Lisa Lampinelli as big birthday for sure. Oh, yeah. I want her to have the Rambo bandana and everything. Yeah, I'm really into that. Come on, you fucking sex or shit. Exactly.

Larry has a shooter in the head. But so they're riding into town and like they come back and they're excited. This poor woman has to kiss Larry at this point. Huh. Yeah. She'll watch the deal on the third. Did you put that ad in the paper?

Did you write the paper? Yeah, get a big fella. Look, you got to stop telling him I like having my face right there when it happens. We'll just discover that in the moment. Tell him I'm going to be in a chair on the other side of the room. Don't tell him that during the act, I'm going to slowly slink up so my faces right there at the moment he finishes.

I'm going to wear a mask so I don't scare him, is the point. But I want you to know, a Jason Mamoa type. is what I would like for a third. Again, I know it makes me a little bit of a hypocrite because I could never be such a physical specimen, but my God, if I could see him plow my wife. Some strange cuck-holding event is happening in Mexico, Coop. Hey, Coop, I don't get it.

She's getting fucked while I'm sitting in a chair on the other side of the room. We live in a dream, Coop. And that dream is your wife getting plowed right in front. of you. He's taking her cherry pie and no, I'm not talking about the dessert. What year is it indeed? Gives a new meaning to double R. Diner. Damn fine cherry pie.

Whatever. She's my cherry pie. Oh, he knows that. He probably has like the original single of that song. No, you can't listen to that song. stuff though because those dudes had like costumes and makeup on man and that's a little creaky hand for Larry you have to go all in like guar I would love to be cuckolded by guar get that monster line up now if Jason Momoa could have a bloody skull face

and a body made out of guts can you make his cock look a little more demonically horn you know what Nagin's bat I kind of want that as a dick wrap some barbed wire around that dick saddle up cowboy yeah I am one of those guys that thinks the walking bed should never end

I mean I'm so surprised we can't find anybody I just don't know it's simple it's got to be a language barrier I'm talking as slow as I possibly can I put L in front of everything and I've assumed that

El Dico in her vagina Oh my God Yes He lost five pounds Danny Treo rides back into town It's the last big Which we'll call an action scene Yes but here's the thing is like

Because I think this is the Most unbelievable part of this movie You know we talked about how Larry's becoming Like the voice of reason in all of this or whatever And part of that is they're like Okay well Keith David is like all right We're all back I'm very glad you

You know you risked everything to save me kid He calls Larry the Cable Guy kid Which is kind of funny and he's like, but we got to get out of here. This isn't our conflict. We're here illegally, blah, blah, blah. And then Larry the cable guy just goes into this whole thing to like rouse these dudes up to like stay and fight. And Bill Invol's like, I got to get back to Connie and the kids.

And like Larry's like, well, yeah, that's exactly right, Bill. Because what if Connie and the kids lived in a town like this? We're going to stay and liberate these people. Think about it. How are we ever going to control the quote unquote illegal? heroin trade if we don't stay in Iraq. How? Think about anything bad happening

in America. You can't, can you? We need you. We got it all so great. We can just come into other towns with guns and figure it the fuck out, dude. We got to spread what we got. It's not a STD, it's hope. Think about this. They don't have what you enjoy back at home, which is drinking water out of exclusively lead pipes.

Look, it's what I mean when I say, Get her done. It's my thesis. We have to get her done. You see all these people, none of them have debt. Can you imagine the hell of not having just insane debt? They're not paying rent to live.

That's wrong. That is definitely not cool. This lady right here is not crippled by student loans. Unbelievable. Let's get her enrolled in some stupid fancy school that means fucking nothing like NYU. let's get these people into some pyramid schemes like NYU

multi-level marketing NYU whatever there is kind of a funny DJ Qualls line where like so Engval gets on board because of that and the DJ Qualls just goes Oh who am I kidding? I live in a storage locker.

I'm not going anywhere Yeah uh-huh stays to fight and they fucking defend the town man, whatever. There's the tank and shit. The girlfriend gets kidnapped at the end. Of course, she does. And Larry

just punches him in the face Danny Treo. And again, like, I don't know, dude, what if he just got shot? You know what I mean? Like, that'd be kind of about that. What if anyone got shot? Well, Bill Elginvald does. He gets shot in the ass, which, I mean, it's a silly joke. Gump did it. I would have loved to have seen that.

Yep, totally. Like, this whole thing happens. She's ass explode fiery wreckage and blood. Oliver Stone-esque slow motion. There's a fucking squib shooting out of his ass. Have any of you seen the Great Outdoors? Yes. Yeah, the John Candyman.

Yeah, I would imagine that how Bill Invol gets shot in the ass is much like the bear and just like all the hair splits off. Speaking of hiding in a cave, that bear in Shaddam, he's seen. Same difference. Same fucking thing. Saddam Hussein is the bear of the Middle East Is just another animal I'm not going anywhere with this

I don't know what I'm saying There is I mean like You gotta dig through the wreckage to find it There's kind of a funny Larry the cable guy Line right here where the mayor says to him Like oh my God Danny Trejo is kidnapped Maria You gotta go save her and Larry kind of looks around and goes Well uh you got any more daughters

It's kind of funny. Apparently that was an I had lib. That's the only one of the four IMDB trivia. Nice work, Dan. Yeah, he's got it what it needs it. And then like the American government copps saves the days. Which is surprising. But I guess it turns out it's because Lisa Lampinelli told them to come because she's the guy is like your wife. Your wife did not stop calling until she was talking to the state department. And like she demanded we go down and save you or whatever. And there. There's a thing in here, which I could not believe. This is like a naming gag from the Three Stooges, honestly, but we find out that Bill Engval's name in this movie is Bill Little, Bill Little. Can you fucking believe that they bothered for that? We're at minute 87 of this 90-minute movie, and that joke gets lost to do. Bill Little. I get it.

And then we realized at the beginning, this big patent thing, which you kind of forgot about. Of course you did. It didn't seem like a framing of device at the time, but it was and this is the medal ceremony for them. It's like the end of Star Wars, dude. We got that fucking Chewbacca line.

Yeah, even the R word Chewbacca gets a medal here. Look, it's either this or we get sued, guys. I don't know what to tell you. We've got to act like it's the end of Star Wars. And then the government pretends is like, oh, Operation Sombrero was to take out some terrorist network in Mexico

And this is a thing, dude, this is the thing that plays right into all that shit of like the terrorists are coming through the border. There's an 80s movie with Gary Busey called Bulletproof about stopping a super tank. And the premise is Mexico is a staging ground for all the world's terrorists to come. To just come up because the border is so weak. That's the thing. Make America great again. It started with Reagan and fucking paranoia about terrorists attack in the United States through Mexico started with Reagan. And actually, we started with the Zimmerman letter for award one.

Yes, right? We get a, like an animal house-esque end of the movie. Here's where they all wrapped up and we'll tell you via a crisp white subtitle at the bottom. Sucks shit. Keith David opens a like an exercise, like boot camp themed exercise gym in Miami. I felt good for him, though. He deserves him. Of course, that means he's the farthest away from Larry and these guys to ruin his life ever.

I honestly, I was like on pins and needles. when this was happening. I was like, are they going to fit in another rape joke here somehow? It could have been, because you know, one in at the end?

You know what it is, dude? Because this movie would not be above it, but it's like, turned out he lacked it. Or just like him and the other guy get married. Or it's a thing where it's like,

you know, oh, and you know, he opened it with his partner and the dude comes into frame and then Larry goes, business partner, it's business partner, T-Tat.

Bill Engval sued the Mexican government for getting shot in the ass. What the fuck? And then he gets a house in Beverly Hills and he's rich now. But yeah. It's a joke. It's a joke. So whatever. Right. I guess a dude like that. I mean, I don't know. What is that? Like a Beverly Hillbillies kind of reference or something. Why the

fuck would that guy move to California? It's like the U.S. government invades a Mexican town and the Mexican government helps cover it up. Then get successfully sued. I think it would be thrown. Don't make no sense, do it. I'm not greedy. All I need is the bullet in my ass, my golden house. My rocket car. My Lisa Lampinelli. Yeah, my fucking bitch wife. And DJ Quall stays in Mexico to be a famous Mexican wrestler. Oh, right. Carnay Asada is his name. Yes, of course, 80 pound individuals are often Mexican wrestlers.

Oh, man. And then so we cut back to Glenn Morshauer because it like you get the little subtitle after after he pins a medal on each of them. And then he's like, Larry the cable guy, I have spent my entire life in the United States military and you are the bravest soldier I've ever seen. We got to keep this going. And he's like, actually, I got other plans. Open Larry's fucking Bubba gum shrimp restaurant in Mexico.

Cabo St. Lucas. Yes. I just met the most wonderful doctor played by Eric Roberts. Yes. He's got a huge boat and a huge house. Dr. Beck is fantastic He gave me mouth to mouth He said he's going to name his boat after me

But isn't it crazy That's the same town, right? From the doctor verse Oh and I looked at it up The restaurant is Larry's mess hall I am not going to anything called Larry's mess hall Larry with the word mess I'm just going to avoid anything around that

And then you see I think this was like real this actress was like absolutely not because it's like and him and Maria got married and he goes to kiss her and the woman like backs away for some reason and I was like Hugh dodged it and then it's like I don't think so and like boom

in there they start making out I almost threw up we've been saying through all these hilarious movies like it's insane he never gets to like kiss a woman on the screen and be an adult about it turns out we were wrong you never want to see that happen in a movie it's terrible I really did I was waiting for her to go like

with the wag finger and then go with the Oh, I'm sorry, did I get a piece of chicken wing bone in your mouth, sweetheart? You know, there's just a bunch of chicken skin in there. You can lick it out of the likes. Oh, no. Just lodged some old pork rinds. 11 herbs and spices and then one other ingredient.

You know, I have a single nerd wedged between two feet in the back and the molar. If you could pry that out with the tip of your tongue, I would give you so much money. man nerds one of the worst candies the government gave it to me it's a cyanide nerd in case i got taken hostage you know yeah hey cool it's blue raspberry the coolest thing about being in cabo san lucas is it's a resort town and threesomes are a plentiful she's getting fucked every night and i'm jerking off crying in the corner that's what makes the mess hall messy

dude and then like in the dumbest part because like we pretend to care about like prison rehabilitation. It's like Danny Trejo's character went to jail and was rehabilitated and started a new life as a prop comic and he's using Jeff Dunham's like shot in the face pepper puppet. They got the pepper done up like

Tom Cruise's a minority report after he gets his eyes back out. See that's the thing is like but if Danny Trejo was doing chili pepper prop comedy or ventriloquism, at least he's Danny Trejo and not some fucking vanilla-ass white guy named Jeff. Yeah, like, you know, yeah.

But then it's like, you know, it's a news report. And it's like, oh, and in the raid, you know, Operation Cumbarro, we arrested famed musician Carlos Santana. And then the movie just ends with Oye Como va playing. And we're doing bloopers and we're all singing Oje Comova. By the way, I looked it up because it's at the end. I was like, it's not actually Carlos Santana's version of all you got to pay up for that. It's the Loz Lonely Boys. Oh, no.

Anyone remember the Loz Lonely Boys? Only from them compilation commercials. How far is Hanphone? No, that was a, when I worked at the gym, that was on all of the time. Oh, really? Nice. Are they all white? Is that why they had to pay them rather than?

No, I did they're a Mexican bar. You just, it's cheaper than Carlos Santana. of course, yes. Kind of surprised because this movie loves dated comedy that there wasn't just a smooth joke

put in. Oh, man. But Oyo Come, yeah. Oyo Come in a fun. Good song. Great song. But can you imagine like,

just like the ocean under the moon? It's a little sweet love is that you want to do. Whatever the lyrics are. Oh, it's a hot one. I didn't watch any of the bloopers. Is anything racist happening there?

No. I mean, it's, like Eric said, the funny DJ Qualos in a movie that's nominated for Oscars. That's pretty good. Yeah. That's about it.

The fucking Peacock stream. Peacock has one of the fastest countdowns to the watch next. It's crazy. I couldn't even find the fucking remote. And I was like, I'm not fast forwarding through Delta Fars. I missed it.

I missed it. But what's crazy too is like usually even if a streaming service is like, oh, there's stingers or something, they won't immediately do that count down. Peacock's like, this is fucking Delta Fires. Fuck you.

New show starting immediately. I don't give a fuck about these bloopers. Totally. We go right into the new saved by the bell episode. Excellent. But that is Delta Fars, ladies and gentlemen, our 600th movie covered on We Hate Movies Prime fucking unbelievable that this thing sounds.

Well, I was going to say it was unbelievable that it's made. It's absolutely not. It makes logical sense that this exists. The podcast or the show? Both. The podcast or the movie, rather. I meant the movie, but it makes logical sense that we could do this 600 times.

Yeah. Why the fuck not? But we'll go around final thoughts And dare I say Recommendations about Delta Far Steve Sadek Not a recommend I

It's just poor comedy Not even like Like Chris said I think it's the worst of the Larry's Because A is not enough Larry Sadly and is not Poor comedy Look at this rich man

Putting his nose in the air And just like DJ Qualls is trying his best Keith David's trying his best And Bill Engval is trying his best to the detriment of the film. Chris. Yeah, big no over here. The thing, like, I think it's the problem is,

you try too much to be a movie. Like, this actually wants to be, like the same thing with the jingle all the way too. Like, he's more boring here. And like, the one thing Larry can't be is boring because that's literally the only thing I like about him is that he pisses me off. Like, because at least I'm engaged then.

I'm engaged with the piece, but like, I'm not here. I'm just kind of like, oh, you're just being racist and you don't even have like energy. It's just kind of a dud, a total dud. Eric Siska. Yeah, it's also a big note. It's abysmal. Honestly, it was, honestly, it was tough to get through. But Larry, call me.

I think we could be quite a tag team. Ben Shapiro's throwing money around, baby. Oh, it turns out Eric Siska wants to be on my tag team. Excellent. Baby, I found one. I will fuck your wife Hey cool Yeah no this is abysmal

This is fucking embarrassing that this exists That it's allowed to be streamed for free On Peacock like this should be fucking taken off the books It's really embarrassing But also like a cultural artifact of shit That this country found really important In the late odds unfortunately But that is gonna do it gang

For the 600th episode of We Hate Movies We are sincerely grateful that y'all you know some of us some of you have been here from the beginning with us some of you found us last week either way

thank you for tuning in because without you guys we don't do it because there's no reason to but you know we are always endlessly filled with gratitude that you all tune in

every week and with that if you want more we hate movies of course check out patreon.com slash we hate movies we just dropped

a we love movies listener requested episode about the Warriors the Walter Hill masterpiece from 1979 you dig it Oh, we digged it, we digged a big time, baby. We also got customized episodes of the Nexus coming out this month.

We're talking Basque on the Gleap Glossary, finally. Animation, Damnation on Double Dragon, the cartoon series. A singable commentary track coming out later this month on Harry Potter and the Sorcerer Stone. And by the way, folks, you don't, if you pledge, you don't just get this month's offerings. You get everything, everything. And we've done so much. go to WHMpodcast.com. Look at that WHM prime list.

You'll see certain episodes are patrons only. That's right. And next week, we get back on track with listener request month. We had to sort of split it in half here to make sure

we hit this 600th episode, very special to bring Larry on the show. But Steve, we are getting back to what the listeners wanted us to watch and what's that going to be next Tuesday. It's going to be a wild one. It's the last voice.

Oh, yeah. Ooh, yeah. One of the greatest opening kills in film history. Tony Scott finally showing. wait, no, taking a pound one through three. That's right. Oh, God, lick my bunghole motherfucker. And, you know, we'll see.

Because I rewatched last Boy Scout while ago, and I was not as much, it's pretty misogynistic. It's crazy. Oh, I mean, it's fucking crazy. I mean, any of, like, it has all the benchmarks of action films at the time. It's got all the bad stuff and all the good stuff, I would say. So, it's,

yeah, it'll be funny either way. Yeah. So until next week, when we take the good with the bad, I'm Andrew Juppin. Stephen, say that. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. That was a HitGum podcast.