We Hate Movies - S12 Ep601: The Last Boy Scout

Episode Date: March 22, 2022

After taking a week off to celebrate episode 600, Listener Request Month is back on track as the gang chats about the totally outrageous Tony Scott action comedy, The Last Boy Scout! What in the world is going on with this opening action scene? How fabulous is the "Friday Night's A Good Night (For Football)" song? And holy moly, that was a lotta squibs on Halle Berry! PLUS: Is this the most hungover character Bruce Willis has ever played? The Last Boy Scout stars Bruce Willis, Damon Wayans, Chelsea Field, Noble Willingham, Taylor Negron, Danielle Harris, Halle Berry, Kim Coates, Frank Collison, Chelcie Ross, Badja Djola, and Bruce McGill; directed by Tony Scott. Catch this guys this April when they play Boston, D.C., and Philly! Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

this week on the program listener request month with turns with oh my god they're shooting someone on the football field it's the last boy scout i'm andrew jupin steven stevedack snappy snappy piece of fucking shit eric siska's a good guy on a podcast jimmy dicks you see it's two words for penis and we hate movies So, I'm going to be able to be. I'm going to be. Hello, That's right.

We are back at it with Listener Request Month. We're talking about Tony Scott's The Last Boy Scout from 1991. This was requested by Scott from Kansas. Let's see what he had to say. Hi, this is Scott in Overland Park, Kansas. I'm requesting what you guys do, The Last Boy Scout from 1991. It's a Tony Scott movie with a Shane Black script. And you'd think you know how crazy it's going to be just from that description, but you don't.

um thanks guys there you go thank you that sounds like a transmission from like the ship that got lost in event horizon and they found it and they're just like what does it mean if this is our last transmission please cover the last boy scout

is that an evil Sam Neela here in the back I mean I feel because I like listen all these things I think a lot of people it's like I don't want my partner knowing I'm calling it so it's just like they're asleep okay everybody I love this show

But I don't want anyone to know it See, that's a problem I want you to be loud and proud And sort of something like Friday nights A good night for football I would like you to cover The Last Boy Scout

For listener request month Friday night's a good night To shoot you out of that They should have They should have used Yeah this fake Are you ready for some football tune that is in this movie. What a spectacular way to start this movie.

This dude's singing, it's the whole thing just with this guy from... One of the righteous brothers. I thought just with the haircut and the sunglasses, I would have put money on the fact that this was D. Snyder. It's right to D. Gray D. Snyder. D.D. Snyder. But actually he's a much better musician than D. Snyder. Can I just say this is one of those movies where like the opening scene is just like out in the pop culture sphere? I had never seen this until last night.

Oh, wow. Really? I never got around to it. I feel like I'm the same way, although there's a real chance that, like, I got stoned, played golden eye and watched this movie in, like, 1998. You know what I mean?

That's entirely possible, but I'm almost positive. I never saw this whole thing because I misunderstood that first scene. I always assumed it was like a naked gun kind of a thing. It is funny. No, in terms of like... Very funny.

The plot of naked gun where it's like, oh, you are robotically programmed to kill someone. Oh, got it. Or not like a Nordberg thing where he's accidentally killing people. I mean, the funny thing about this movie is I think I, my love for Damon Wayans brought me to this when I was younger. I was a huge Damon Wayans fan. And there's so many strains of this movie that just show up in other movies down. We're talking about the Bruce Willis Dame Wayans credits. It's like the Jack Slater credits from Last Action Hero. There's two lines.

in this movie that come up in diehard with a vengeance and Hudson Hawk which is why like I do actually think Bruce Wilson was like creating his own like the Bruce Willis universe the BWU it does feel sort of like a proto

last action hero like it's self referential to such a point yeah it honestly feels like whatever the movie at the end of the player was supposed to be oh yeah totally I also realize too I mix this movie up constantly with bulletproof Oh, really?

Oh, not the Gary Busey movie. No, no, no, because it's also Damon Wayans. And Damon Wayans. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, I just wanted to say a fucking Tony, Tony Scott, by the way, RIPD, he'll be off this coil 10 years this year. But what a fucking run.

So this was right before Days of Thunder. So then it's this, true romance, Crimson Tide, the fan, enemy of the state, spy game man on fire like how you feel about those movies whatever but those are like big ass like people were seeing those movies

after that he did unstoppable and then he stopped himself Deja Vu which is like enemy of Washington and Deja Vu is one of the worst I disagree with you I disagree with you okay oh Domino

Domino is after man on fire but written by Richard Kelly of Donny Darko fame oh is that right He was supposed to direct it for a while, but then he just got the running. I mean, I didn't see it, but that doesn't seem like a movie he should be directing. He is in movie The Witness Relocation Program. It's a real deal, fucking crimes against humanity kind of movie jail. Did they hate the box that much?

Like, what the fuck? It's a totally good movie. Yeah, what the hell? Yeah, I like the box. It's a really good movie. So this movie, by the way, I think I mentioned it at the cliffhanger for Delta Fars that this movie, you know, some movies, how they treat women. Is there either whores or virgins?

And in this one, they're all whores, including the protagonist, 13-year-old daughter. Yes, dude, it's kind of weird because if you believe the Tribune Trivia, yeah, Shane Black wrote this like after a really bad breakup, and you can just feel it, man,

this fucking, that fucking bitch Lori. I'll fucking show her. Is there any, there's no way to me. He definitely found and replaced Lori before he submitted his draft. Yep, exactly. Let me do it one more time. Oh, wait, there's a Lori.

There's a Lori. I'll turn this Lori into Corey and this one There's one step away from pure woman hate in this stuff because like usually if because his wife is cheating on him in this usually she would be fucking dead

or like It's kind of surprising she makes it to the end credits or like just like completely vilified and the fact that they have this weird like he's like yeah I still love her You know what he should do? He should use her as a human shield that would be really fun I just got to grab this off

object real quick. Well, apparently the last act of this movie was totally rewritten because there was a lot of wife stuff. And Bruce Willis, like, I just did the, I saved my wife movie, which is called Die Hard. So we need to switch this up in some way. So they came up with whatever this stuff is, which is like a huge whatever.

Yes. I guess by the way, cheating on Bruce Willis with fucking Bruce McGill. I don't know. He's pushing and pushing. Dude, Bruce McGill, I would say, oh, he's probably like a stout rodent in bed. like a real like, rah.

He's a generous lover. Bruce Willis is a, you know, bam, bam, thank you, whoever you happen to be. And also like in terms of like who I want to hang out with, like pillow talk, get some get some animal house stories out of Bruce McGill. Absolutely. It's like you just

got fucked by Bruce McGill. Then you're going to go in the kitchen, light up some cigarettes, tell the old stories. You're eating chicken wings out of the fridge. Just tell me how many times Michael Mann said you're not a good enough actor. How many times is he an asshole to you? I just need to hear it.

So this opening is outrageous and it's like you again like this is the thing that gets this is the one that gets clipped the most

it's like it's so wild and crazy but it's got nothing to do with the rest of the movie I mean it does I mean but it does

it's a wild way to do it either way but listen listen man in a movie where the opening is a fucking football player is running down

the field and has been told by a mysterious voice on the phone that he's got to start scoring points in blah, blah, blah, and you don't really know what's going on. And then this dude produces a firearm from his football pants and start shooting the opposing team players. Listen, that is what the movie's about. I'm sorry to tell you.

I think they're prepping you for how outrageous this entire fucking thing is by being like literally the credits to the movie are in the football song. Like, great nah for football. Like, literally it's just like, you're just, this is a game. We're having fun. It totally prepares you for how crazy it. is. I'm not arguing that, but it's just wild to me that it's barely mentioned after this. If that happened to real life, the president would give a speech. I mean, also, by the way, the season is canceled. We're not like the finale being at another football game. It better be set in 2022. At the same stadium. No way, the Coliseum is closed for the rest of the calendar year.

I guess we're led to believe this occurs because this is what would happen if you gamble on major sporting events. Yeah, he seems to be up to his, like, because Milo, the villain of the movie is on the phone with Billy, uh, what's the guy? Billy Blanks. Billy Blank's, Tybo's Billy Blank. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, who's playing Billy Cole. Coles, I think. Yeah. So he's, he gets a call from, uh, Tyler Negro, uh, Taylor Negro.

Taylor Negron. Rest in peace. Another one, uh, gone. He's fantastic in this. He doesn't fucking great. He's not, he's not in it enough. He comes in, like, very late as like a heavy, um, or what's his name, Tommy Macaroni. What's the, what's the, Marconne? There you go. Sally Marcon.

Yeah. But you're right. No, I mean, so he gets a call from Milo and he's like, now, Billy, we need you to get this one. You need to, you need to make this touchdown right now, Billy. Better start scoring some points. Well, that's the thing. And Wikipedia does this all the time. They lie in the, because I always like to read the plot summary on my way up here because it's like,

it's always very prosaic and like it gets into stuff. And I'm like, oh, yeah, if it's a bit of day, I'm like, I want to remember that. Prozaic. I know. And is that a pill you take to feel happy? And this one, it was, but sometimes they do this where they like in first stuff or just flat out make shit up, which, and I'll read it. During halftime at a televised football game, L.A. Stalions running back, Billy Cole,

receives a phone call from a mysterious man named Milo who warns him to win the game or he will be assassinated. That does not happen. No. Because it's just like he, like he's in trouble with the. the mob or whatever, but, like, you don't know that, like, it's a different animal all together. Assassinated means, like, it's going to happen on the field during the game or whatever. You have to do this.

Because what he does is totally, and also, like, they're only down by seven at the half. Like, I don't know, man. Put together some drive. What about legacy? What about your family? Get assassinated. You know what I mean? Like, why are you shooting people and shooting yourself in the head?

I mean, it looks cool as hell. Don't get me wrong. Well, that's the thing. We should see just like Milo's eye on a scope. One shot of that. that's all you really need totally right if you're down like whatever even a hundred grand to the mafia it's like all right they're gonna fucking kill me

what are they gonna do yeah I'm not gonna like murder other players and then myself I just don't get it like he takes out three other fucking defense men in the back field like I don't get for seven points like you could I don't know man fucking score some it's not like

it's a total blowout and I guess maybe the other thing too is like we don't know the stakes of like what are the gambling stakes. What's the spread that needs to be covered? So maybe it's not so much a win the game, but you got to get to a certain numbers.

This shows you what can happen if you start playing football on Fridays. It's a little too rambunctious. Someone might pull a gun. Friday night, it was a good night for football, never again. Well, this was just a huge mistake. That's clearly why it did it. It would be awesome if in the opening they had a thing because it's fucking

what's his face? Vern Lundquist and Dick Vital doing the opening thing. Dick Bucket's, excuse me. And it's like, it would have been awesome if Dick Buckus is just like, yes, for the inaugural first Friday night, football game. Now you're getting, you're getting football on Friday and Sunday. The college football's right on the Saturday there.

What could go wrong? I kind of want Dick Buckus to like keep commentating throughout the melee and just, oh, there is just no place for guns and football. That is, that's, that's going to cost them the game. They are going to, now that flag on the play. Now, that looks like a shoulder hit there, Vern. I'm going to be honest. I don't think that person's dead.

I think they're just injured. Wait, wait a second. Dick, butt kiss? What is this? My search history? Let me just put the yellow circle right here. Now, this defenseman's going to get in the way, see? But no, he's going to get shot right in the face.

He's coming at him. He gets down in the stands ready to stop the run. And then, bam, he shot literally right in the eyeball. Now, Vern, that is a Walter P.P.K. That he is carrying there. a very nice kind of gun, mid-range price, not too fancy. Is this, I guess,

is this movie trying to comment on, like, the violent nature of football in general? I think so. Later on, we get the, I guess the football saving the senator's life. Oh, yeah. It's also got a lot to do with, like,

football these days. We're talking about a free agency, a lot. We're talking about, like, you know, all these. Ruin the game. Exactly. Like, ruining the game.

And I guess, like, gambling seems like the logical next step, which is actually accurate, because that's happening right? Now it's all this week just got suspended for a year for gambling on football. Oh, I saw. Yeah, who was that? Calvin Ridley, the Atlanta Falcons.

Got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just saw you, you can't be gambling on sports athletes. Shelly had the vision, though. It came to pass. Well, you get like your friend to gamble for you, right? You send him the money, right? What were Shelley Marcones last words, draft kings?

That guy, it's great because he plays the Jerry Jones-esque, owner of the Stallions he's also anybody else know what other football related film

he's from yeah find the fish or find new jobs yeah exactly what I wanted to hear right

yes I hadn't recognized him Chris Chris made me hip to that before we went on the air

shit Roger you've been around for a long time so yeah Billy Cole kills all these people and then ain't life a bitch

yep takes it me ain't life a bitch and blows his brains out. And at that point, I was just like, okay. I mean, I know exactly what this movie is going to be. I mean, you do and you're like, that's

the beauty of the movies you do and you don't. Like, yeah. It's kind of a bait and switch, but also you're like, oh, I'm in. Whatever the fuck else is happening. I'm ready for it. This movie also feels like the end of detective, there should be the end of the private investigator as a character. It just seems too much. Well, it's

weird because he, Bruce Willis, as this private investigator, it doesn't feel like a private investigator at all. It feels like Bruce Willis John McLean cop shit. He's not like a grizzled hard apple kind of, you know. It's taking the private investigator character to the

Cobra limit. Like to go as extreme violence and fucking misogyny as you can in like a kind of noirish setting. Not enough PI stuff. Honestly, we do see his office briefly and it's kind of weird that he just rents some house in L.A. for his office and drives home to his house in L.A. I need a secretary. I'm sorry. This is

private investigator. I think the money is like, oh yeah, $500. I guess he's supposed to be like a scumbag down on his luck kind of private investigator. $500. I understand that it was more money back then. I don't get out of bed for $500. Cigarettes, booze, and hot dogs are all this man needs it would seem

like. But apparently he's got, I mean, it looks like he's the sole breadwinner. You don't know what Sarah, his wife does. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I don't know. And they get this house. They get the kid. You know, maybe well, what would we call him? Timmy Carter gave him

this house. This other guy. For his good service of saving his life. I guess because that's the title, the last Boy Scout, I guess, is because he was Secret Service at some point. And he threw himself in front of the bullets of an assassination

attempt on a fake Jimmy Carter look alike or something. A sentient wax figure from Madam Tussauds of Jimmy Carter. It is, no, it is seriously like the fucking Disney World Hall of Presidents shit. It is just animatronic, big horse face looking thing and Bruce Willis is diving in front of it. It's very clearly made by somebody who hates Jimmy Carter. It's just the fourth presidential assassination attempt in Jody Foster's name.

It's just cute. Somebody's got to put that girl down. There had to be an actor playing that guy, right? It's not like a fucking real doll or something. I don't know who it was. Oh, boy, I'm getting fucked. You can have me for $2,000. Usually peanuts come out of my ass, not go in.

You can hire my other brother. He's an actor. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude, yeah. If there was a Jimmy Carter real doll, the manufacturer would keep getting them back. They keep getting peanuts up the asshole. We got to take them out.

Like, you just got to make the anus bigger. That's all. They keep on, no, I can't have sex with it. It keeps on trying to build a house. Every time I try to have sex with it, starts building a fucking house. Has Bruce, here was a question as because diehard came up.

We meet him. He is clearly hungover. He's sleeping in his car. These kids are fucking with him. Throwing a dead squirrel on him to see what happens. Is he more hungover in this movie or diehard three? I think I think diehard three because it lasts longer and we're with him

and the whole movie's looking for his assprud. Right, right, right. All right. And from the internet ticker, Ed Bay. how do you pronounce that, Chris? Bellar. Ed Beheller.

Ed Beheller played the president in this. He also played Jimmy Carter and Hot Shots Parts. He played Jimmy Carter in the lonely guy, the Steve Martin movie. Oh, wow. Yeah, this guy had quite a career playing Jimmy Carter. Something called the Cayman Triangle. He also played Jimmy Carter. And something called that I'm going to look up later, maybe my search history

where reflect this, sextet. Oh, and you are like Jimmy Carter. You wouldn't have believed it. My brother, they got him to play Billy Carter in a bunch of movies, too. But he was just always a drunker. And one episode of The Bob Hope Show as Jimmy Carter. Hey, Ed, my back's killed me. You got to build this house for me, buddy.

Now, just have a buddy Ed go in there. Now, Ed, why don't you go out to the patio with my wife for a little bit? I got to take a snooze here. Wave at the press for me, would you? Oh, yeah, just take Rosalind out there. Say, hi, Rosalind. We were talking. I was talking to Ivan Ritman. He worked the movie Dave about me and Ed.

So whatever, Bruce McGill gives him a call and he's like, hey, I got a job for you. Like we said, 500 bucks. $500. Dollars. I get to protect this stripper for $500. Dollars. Now, what we're referring to is a regional, I think, probably commercial in the New York area that I think has since

stopped running that no one knows what we're referencing. But what was it? I got these three suitcases for under $20. It's one of those websites where like, and Kevin Smith was shilling for a similar thing in the early days. He hasn't done it for use. But it's one of those like, you could get an iPad for 50 bucks.

And I'm like, that's how you get a virus on your computer. It's like a bit. It's like less reputable than eBay. Some weird bidding site. Just give us your social security number on a folded index card and we'll give you iPad. Oh, you didn't see that little asterisk that says it's triple refurbished iPad? Sorry. I got this lookalike named Ed Beheller for $41. He rolls around. So while Bruce Willis is sort of

debating whether or not he's going to take that, we meet Damon Wayans as Jimmy Dix. He is an ex-QB of this fake Los Angeles football team. Oh, because the NFL wanted nothing to do with this shit. I bet, dude. I fucking. bet. It's amazing. You know, it was funny, though, I totally had, I just think of like the, like, it's obviously worse now, but like the rah, ra America shit that you see in the NFL now. Yeah, sure. I was under the false impression that that was like strictly a post 9-11 thing. But like in that opening video, like Friday night's good night for, I mean, the fucking American flag is all over that thing. We run the fucking flag on the field, the whole nine. That's, I mean, that's part of the satire too.

obviously we're making fun of like how ra ra that shit was yeah it's whatever it's just funny because it's not a satire anymore that's just literally whenever there's this scent of war i mean they were doing that shit during desert storm even like yeah i guess that's true uh so yeah he's kind of like it's the aftermath of some wild party party and did i see this right that's tony longo like kind of raping this woman in a hot tub which is the thing he's like like he's fucking putting her head under water and he's like she can't come up till she starts to suck it. And I was like, this isn't what I signed up for. In so many ways, it's too early for this. Yes, yes, yeah. Like, not only is it the morning in the movie. It's just like, dude, I'm just getting over a guy blowing his head off and shooting several of his colleagues on the fucking football field. My parents rented this when I was a kid. It was a big event, TV event for us as a family. Oh, wow. And of course, the opening scene, I was like,

oh, right. And then this one, I was like, this is weird. Weird. What is she, what? does he want her down there for? It's also just strange to have like to be like this is how you show off how good Damon Wayans is at football is he tosses a football and nearly cracks Tony Longo's nose. Oh yeah. It's fucking great. And it is

it's always funny when Damon Wayne gets really upset. His voice gets higher. Yeah. Best out of the league motherfucker. Yeah. It's kind of always amazing. It's so when he screams, it kind of turns into homie the clown. It does, yes. They fucked my life. I like David Wayne's a lot.

and I think he's really good in this movie, but Tony Scott's asking a little too much of him. Yeah. Well, apparently everybody hated each other on this, on the set. Like, it was like a four-way brawl. Like Willis and Wayne despised each other. But then Tony Scott and Joel Silver were getting into it all the time. And then like, oh my God, that's Shane Black's music.

He's drunk too. Oh, my God. And as we all know, Shane Black has recently divorced. My God, he's angry. Right. because everybody was just going nuts and apparently the character what's his face is character

from True Romance oh the guy's gonna kill me the guy who's on Frasier for a while and he plays a producer in True Romance he's doing all the Coke is based on oh right

is based on Joel Silver yes Sal Roo Oh Sal Rubeneck Rubenik Saul Ruben in in yeah who's in true romance apparently

is totally based off Joel silver. That's pretty great. I mean, the producer character and this is also not treated exactly very well. It's very true. Is that Rick to coming? I think it is. Maybe. Ron. Is it Rick? I did it.

The pool guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird seeing him show up at the 11th hour in this movie. So, yeah, so Willis comes home from the sleeping in his car outside the office and getting dead squirrels thrown on him and shit. That's fucking hilarious.

it's funny a moody river by pat boon uh like a bookends this movie yeah and it is like it's funny that the whole thing is he like the whole point of the song is like it's a guy like my my girlfriend cheated on me so then she killed herself because out of shamed and that's kind of what bruce wills wants his wife to do it's fucked up here man like he comes in and he's like you can see him sort of sniffing around doing some detective stuff and he's like who's the guy in the closet And she's like, what? Come on, don't fuck with me. Who's the guy in the closet?

Let's get this over with. Yeah, the toilet seats up. Yeah. He's a detective. You're just a little off because you're giving him too much energy. He is. What's in the closet? He's particularly tired in this movie.

And it's too early in his career for being this tired. Yeah. I don't get it. I mean, I feel like it was probably just, I mean, like this is, what, like three years after die hard? Yeah. Hard's 88. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, like, I feel he's just coasting at this point. Just like, fuck it. I guess the character's supposed to be like world weary. Like he's, you know, he's cynical as hell. Yeah, I've been through it all, doesn't care anymore. And his, now his wife's fucking someone.

Yeah, now I'm making it look 14 movies a year. I'm giving a shit anymore. He really doesn't care anymore now. My lord. I, I, I, we, we should maybe, maybe we should save a slot this year. And just do a Bruce Willis fake movie. Yeah. I mean, there's so many. I think I did the head count for 2021. And I think Bruce Willis was in some way or another affiliated with nine different motion pictures. It would be funny. That's Trejo levels. That's like, that's pulling a tray home.

Yeah. It would be funny if he thought of it as like a moral thing because he's like, well, they're going to give all these movies to Stephen Seagall if I don't do that. I can't, I can't abide by him getting this kind of power. That's what's wild, though, dude, is he is officially at Stephen Seagall levels. It has been for a while. It's very weird. He should try to gain a lot of ways. I think it'd be fun.

But he was working with Wes Anderson like five years ago, six years ago. Like it's not that long as he might come out and do like a real movie again, but he'll still have his fake shit movies. I want to see that dude's credit card debt. It's got to be something crazy.

Or those kids are bleeding them dry. Maybe he's betting on football games. You never know. Oh, that's true. I don't. I've got to do it a fucking nine more movies. I guess rumor Willis isn't pulling in a big enough paycheck on her own these days.

Rumors, Scout, and Tallulah. Why do I know that? really? Wow. I can't tell you. You just named all the Willis kids? Yeah. Good for you. I don't know what the fuck the problem is there. So anyway, yeah, Bruce McGill, he's like, I'm going to fucking fire this gun right at the closet. And whatever happens, that's God's problem. And like Bruce McGill comes out, he is fucking sweating.

Oh my God, it's hysterical. He's beautiful in this movie. When they, when they mentioned the $500 deal for surveillance of this woman, Corey, she's so hot. She's like two fingers hot. three fingers. As in I chop off three of my fingers to fuck her. Yeah. So after he's revealed to be fucking Bruce Wilson's

wife, he's like, how many fingers is my wife? I mean, do you really want me to answer that? Pardon me? Pardon me? What are we talking about? What's that? How many fingers? Wait, do you mean in my wife? Well, see, that's where my head went. Of course. Immediately. We're talking fingers. That's what

that means. Oh, my God. And then like to top it. So, The home life, not only having this weird argument with Bruce McGill, your wife is sleeping around in the same scene, maybe just prior to the reveal, it's, oh, yeah, oh, my stupid fucking daughter, Darian. Oh, yeah, yeah, she's 13, but by 14, she'll be fucking the whole school. Dude, this whole thing, it's insane. It was so fucking funny because he goes on this rant about like, she's fucking dressed like this. She puts makeup on like that. She'll be fucking the football team next year, all this shit. and Chelsea's sitting next to me like on her on her iPad and she leans up and goes, is he talking about his own daughter?

It's outrageous. It's a great question. Is he talking about his own daughter? Oh my God. I can't. Okay. Now, oh God. Thank God. I was going to say Alec Baldwin was just quoting Bruce Willis. It wasn't. He didn't mean all that. I don't know, man. This fucking rant puts

the Baldwin thing to shame. It's pretty bad. I mean, like the wife is just like, hey, knock it off. of like, I don't know, get divorced right now. It's just a real, our hero, ladies and gentlemen. And I guess that's part of the point. But at the same time, it's like, wow, this movie treats women is outrageous.

I'm so angry at my ex-girlfriend. I'm going to write a script where a dad says a 13-year-old girl's going to get fucked. Her brain's fucked out. I mean, he's Archie Bunker. Like, that's like the kind of thing that he's going for is like, yeah, like the worst shit coming out of his mouth. I mean, honestly, he talks to about like she has a friend named Tommy. and like this is a 13 year old kid

and he's talking about him like he's like swinging dick Tommy's fucking you're in me It's got a giant donkey dick You're not going out with Tommy anymore I know what Tommy want And it would be one thing if we do like 902 and O rules Where this girl is played by like a 21 year old actress

And it's just like you know But no this is like the youngest looking Daniel Harris You know what I mean like This side of them Halloween sequels Absolutely which I think the previous one was also 1988. Yeah, it's a little weird for you to be borderline, like, just come out and shaming your daughter like this. And also, she has a little stuffed animal. Yes. I'm like, you can't do both. She's fucking that stuffed animal. I know it. You need this to be

like animal teddy horrid. Are you rubbing it? Are you rubbing yourself with this? Is that what's happening? I'm going to smell it. It better not smell like what it's, what I think it's going to smell like. I swear to God. You need like this character to be like Maggie Greer. race's age. Exactly. You know what I mean? Look, if she's 16, played by a 20-year-old, like, who are you fucking?

It's like, it's still misogynistic as I'll get out, but it's at least a lot less disturbing. Or don't you have like a kind of good, annoying teenage daughter in face-off? Face-off, maybe. Dominic Swain. Oh, yes, Dominic Swain. Dominic Swain is the daughter there.

And actually, they did this in Lutthel Weapon 2, but Lothel Weapon 1. Lutth a weapon as well. wherein... Teen Wolf, too. Danny Glover's daughter is like hitting on rings but she's like kind of young.

Yeah. But she also is like in the 18ish range anyway. But at least that movie tries to play I mean because it's not... This is supposed to be a shattered family and a shattered man. And there they've got like a congenial relationship with everyone.

These family scenes are fucking dark. They are. They truly are. And so like he brings Bruce McGill outside. He's like, where do you want it? The face of the gut. Oh, yeah. And he's like, oh, give me the gut.

And he gets punched in the stomach. And it's like, get the fuck out of here. But I will take your $500 job. He's got a line here to Bruce McGill. And like, you know, he just caught Bruce McGill fucking his wife. Sure. He can say anything he wants to him right now. He looks at the, it's Bruce McGill gives him a card.

And it's a picture of Hallie Berry as this Corey character. And he goes, Corey, huh? You put a shot in her to? Man, he just fucking slinging come all over Los Angeles, Bruce McGill. And meanwhile, Well, Bruce McGill does not know that he has 91 seconds left on this earth. Like, you just got, I mean, you know, you probably had some good sex in the morning. It's an attractive lady.

So it's a decent way to go out. But then you got punched in the stomach. You know, you're feeling bad about yourself. It's crazy. He explodes in a lady and then he explodes in a car. And he just blows the fuck up. And again, the movie kind of doesn't care. It doesn't care at all.

Like, I think even the wife is like, well, who did this or whatever? I don't know. Mr. fucking Rogers did him. And later on, there's still. at the house, like, we're staying in a motel because I can still smell his burning mustache hair. That's what you deserve to smell. You piece of shit.

And it's like, is she, did she have any real? She seems kind of detached from it. Like, she was just fucking to fuck him. She was trying to get back him. Because she was like, oh, and then she's doing this thing. But you just have sex with someone and they explode in your yard. And you're like non-plus about it.

No, the fucking shot is amazing. she comes up and she thinks it's Bruce Willis and she's like, oh my God! And then he's like laying in the garden. She's like, whew, okay. It's just the guy I just was fucking. Because then she does this thing, which is a very annoying screenplay thing

where it's like, I was only having sex with somebody else to get a rise out of you thing. You're not even mad. You don't even want to hit me or anything. I think she says that. I'm almost, oh, spit in my face. Just say fuck you, Sarah. Say fuck you, Sarah, spit in my face.

Because that's what happens at the end of the movie when it's like cute it's like oh sarah fuck you sarah i want to spit in your fucking face and it's supposed to be this like t he they're in love again yes he saved her and the movie's over it's so weird i just feel like this movie is too much with it because right after this our next scene is with damon wains at a bar basically doing i fuck anything that moves from blue velvet that's right bartender like he's cheating on corey and he's just like i got a problem fucking everything well i The thing that starts, I mean, this is like the most, like, this isn't even fucking Archie Bunker. This is just the pieces of shit of the time where fucking Bruce Wilson is like, uh, well, he says the rap music line later.

But I was like, I hate that funk shit. I'm like, who hates funk? Give me a, how do you hate funk? You're the fucking strip club. What do you want to listen to White Snake? Please don't. Where's Bach? You should be stripping to Bach.

First of all, there's plenty of White Snake that's been played at Strip Club. No, that's what I mean. But those are the options. White Snake or Funk. Can you guys play Friday nights A Good Night for Football? Thanks. Why can't she just strip to Ornette Coleman?

Why not? I just don't understand it. Some free jazz. Some Johnny Mathis would be nice. Come on. That is kind of the most American thing of all time. If a lady was dancing to that Friday Night's All right for football song,

you're in a fucking good old fashion American strip club, eating some good old fashioned American chicken wings. dude that's about as red white and blue as it gets playing with your footballs but yeah so Damon Wayne's like the bartender's like I can't believe you cheated on Corey he's like all I do is drink too much

lose friends and fuck anything that moves that's pretty cool dude it's awesome and he's the guy at the strip club who's like in a relationship with one of the dancers and he's fucking yelling at her to like put clothes on at one point I'm like it's a strip club that's

literally the business model just such a Neanderthal screenplay, right? It's like women are terrible and they're all horrors, but I want them to be horrors. I mean, it's like the nastiest side of Shane Black. This guy's got a problem. I mean, I hope he's worked through them. This movie has. Yeah, he seems like I think so. I mean, his later work is is much better. And I enjoy most of his work. And I even kind of enjoyed this movie, but it definitely has issues. Yeah. Do you guys catch the, uh, the quick cameo here. Eddie Griffin is the strip club MC man. Quick question about production design. The back of Damon Williams's head has a 13 on it. Is that a tattoo or is it shaved in hair? Shaved in

hair. Got it. Because there's one part. There's just one shot where it's like, oh, I guess he should get his number trim. Trim his number bush on his head. Because he turns and the way the camera catches it, it's really kind of sticking out. Like it's thick. It's a thick 13. I'm thinking about putting a number in my bush. A nice like, nice blonde 666 down below. Oh, sure, dude. This is the house of the devil now. Do you want a full curl at the end of it

or are you just straight? The last place I want hair is the back of my neck though, guys. Like that's what I go to get haircuts for to get back there. Yeah, that's true. I don't know. Yeah. You can wax it for all I care. It's working for him. This 13 looks pretty sharp. It's pretty due.

So like there is a wild thing because isn't this the seen to he, Damon Wayne's meets Bruce Willis in the bar. Yeah, he just sees that he's looking at her or whatever and it's like, what are you looking at guy and it's, you know, that macho. I'm in a strip club, sir.

There's a lady over there's taking her clothes off and yeah, it's pretty interesting to look at. Oh, you're so interested in strippers in a strip club. Listen, yeah, it's like they just do this for their own pleasure and you're not supposed to look at it. Yeah. There's a line, like

Damon Wayne says something about, because like he's oh yeah you're a private detective or whatever and this is a line that Chelsea pointed out last night viewers of a certain age will not understand because David Wayans goes like oh yeah you're a private detective are you in the book

oh oh the phone book are you in the phone books you didn't even fucking get it for a second the book what book the book is that's oh what's your number oh I'm in the book just you could just you we printed books with our fucking phone number and address in them ladies

and gentlemen. And that line was, I think, in every movie from 1990 to 1997. Are you in the book? Or, you know, I'm in the book. Are you listening? Up later. It's just, you think about the concept of a non-business phone book. Well, the thing is, like, back then, it's like, you couldn't give out

an email address. So if you, like, met a sexy lady or a sexy dude and you knew their name, you could, like, look up their phone number and start calling them and start breathing heavily. Oh, man, and you better have that answer machine ready to go. Four of those heaving, like, pervert, both skulls. I'm watching you.

What are you, Batman? No, this is just going to be the rest of the show now. I like this, actually. Oh, yeah, I'm listening to you listen to the show. And then, lo and behold, three years later, another Harvey P. Carr shows up in the phone book. And then this guy is still breathing heavily on the other line. Who are these people?

Oh, your comic sucks. Where do they come from? Where do they go? I wish Lutterman fucking kicked you in the face. Peacar. When do they ejaculate? Who are these people? Why do they just come and get it over with?

So Damon Wayans fucking grabs Hally Berry and takes her out of the club or whatever. And Bruce Willis kind of like goes out the back. And there's a weird... This is where we get a couple of... The first of a few Bruce Willis flashbacks where he sees like a re-election post. for this senator and has this flashback of like him and there's other security guards standing

outside a hotel room door and the woman's screaming and like you clearly know what's going on behind that door and you can tell it was better today is because he shaved back then yeah that's exactly right the hair is a little more put together he even looks kind of thinner honestly oh yeah he's got the military cut and everything and it's a brain nerd or bainard bainard yeah senator bainard he like throws a beer bottle at this huge sign played by chelsea ross who also played uh What's his face for Madman? Oh, yeah. Oh, God.

Connie. Connie. Connie. Oh, very cool. Yeah. I feel like this guy was always playing this kind of character in these movies. He and, you know, I'm sure they probably liked each other. But when What's his face finally died, the guy from the game tall, What's his face?

Jay Horporn died. Yeah. This guy was kind of tenting his fingers. Like, that's another like three jobs here. Here comes a paycheck for Mr. Chelsea Ross. He's not. going to get any more Seinfeld bit parties. They all go to me.

Don, now I get to play those roles. It's going to be coming back any time when the Seinfeld revival comes to coming to Chelsea. Yeah, so that's his whole like what's going on with the senator's sort of flashbacky kind of thing. Meanwhile, like now this dude, who's this hitman that tries to kill Bruce Willis? Just this big guy. A bunch of

hit men are like waiting outside for Hallie Berry. Oh, that's right. They knock out Bruce Willis and like, well, go kill this guy. And he starts to do like the Roger Rabbit to this guy where it's like, you're going to die laughing. Because it's just basically like he's about to shoot him in the head

and he's like, hey, he starts talking about how fat this guy's wife is and he's like, lay off my wife, man. And he's like, well, your wife's so fat. And he just starts doing your wife so fat jokes. And he starts this guy who's about to end another man's life. It's just, It's just caught up in how funny these jokes are.

He's eating it up, dude. He's like starting to feel kind of guilty about murdering such a comedic genius. He's laughing so hard at these your fat jokes. And man, talk about like slam time traveling back to the early 90s with the fucking. I mean, they would be your mama jokes. You know,

but you're just your wife. It's the same thing. And like this guy's laughing and slapping his fucking knee. And Bruce Willis just luckily finds this piece of broken glass. on the ground and totally cuts this guy's throat. And that's what, that is when I was like, oh, wait a second, it is going to be an unhinged Bruce Willis movie because he just flat out murdered a dude with broken glass. That guy's dead and he calls back.

The attitude is like, oh, come on, man. I was laughing at your fat lady jokes. Why ain't going to do that to me? Oh, man, I'm dying. That's how it feels a little like a last action hero to me because it doesn't feel like reality. Yeah. No. And man, so then Tom really, uh, Tommy Lee Jones, no, Damon Wayne and Hallie Berry are driving in two separate cars. A, just carpool. But like, I guess you want to leave her car here or whatever. And somebody's like fucking with her and she gets out of the car. Like, David was like, don't get out of the car. And she gets lit up like, wowzers. It was, this was shocking. Because this is 91. She wasn't quite yet. Howley Barry. So I. So I. was not, you know, having seen

this movie the first time, I just think Halliberry Jolly Barry. And she gets blown away. And I was like, oh, oh, she's definitely not in the rest of this movie. You'd think that we were introducing the female character of the movie. Yeah. I guess he'll protect her whatever for the surveillance

job. But boom. No, no, no. That job is over now. No, her last name must be Corleone. Because that's the only way you get this kind of treatment. It is truly, this Hallie Barry's just got squibbs, exploits. all over her body. And it's a very, like,

sensitive image when you cut to her on the ground with all the holes in her. Yeah, totally. I thought she was going to start talking to him. The other Bruce Willis performance. That was a... He was pretty good in that, I thought. Yeah, I mean, he's had a lot of opportunities

that he... He usually does well when he has opportunities, but for some reason right now, it's all about the mullah. It's got to be gambling, dude. I think you're right. I think he's just... All the kids are grown and out of the nest.

Yes. He's, like, not with, you know, me more but they have like a weird ha ha ha maybe we fuck every once in a while like on christmas or something oh but like otherwise he's got to just be gambling we might be fucking on christmas that's cool right and it's a million bucks a pop basically these movies probably because i mean like these movies don't have money in them so it's like no we will pay bruce willis willis a million dollars so he'll be on the poster and be in the movie for approximately i can't imagine he's in these movies like a lot right no that's the thing i forget which one there was one out

like a few months ago that i don't know if it was you know a good but he Nathan Rabin or somebody was like oh I think Nathan was covering somebody he's covering them right now I think yeah it was one of those things where it was like he's literally in this movie for like one scene yes and then the rest of the movie is just a bunch of fucking dead-eyed Canadians

that you'd never want to watch on a movie anyway yes it's it's like Bruce Willis is in it and then once he's not it's just a lifetime movie yes yeah and I and he's not I mean I guess at this time he was more talkative but at this point by the time now he's not known for being a

verbal master. He's a statue. Yes. And Stone face. Stone face, yeah, because he's got that head that he laid down in a riverbed that then got smooth from erosion. Oh, I thought he fell in like a bowling ball waxer or something. Oh, you know, that's what that's happening. He's a golem. So people are, all these like Canadian movie producers just put like a little piece of paper in his mouth. And he has to do their movie. Oh, absolutely. And you know, the bowling ball angle,

I kind of want to grab Bruce Willis by the head, put two fingers through his eyes. my thumb in his mouth and I want to roll him down a bowling alley lane lane thank you yeah well pay me first you know you can do it but you got to pay me you got that much beef with bruce willis well I just think he's got a nice nice skull oh yeah it'd be very nice to roll down a strike maybe even hit a turkey dude he's kind of looking like about a half measure of the prometheus guys at this point oh my gosh he should be in one of those movies. They should just paint his body all white. He should be naked. Dark sunken eyes. Yeah, I get that shit going to play Dr. Manhattan too, I guess. Oh. He's a low budget documentary. But there is an alternate universe where no one gives a shit about comic product. Oh, of course. Like the Corman Fantastic Four era. Yeah. I could see if that correlated to now. See, Bruce Willis doesn't have a big enough dick to be Dr. Manhattan, but he is a big enough dick to be one of the watching.

He could play Dr. Man's Dick. Yeah, that's I think what we should do it. Yeah, I'm finally, dude, I'm just playing a fucking cock, man. I just swing back and forth most of the day. That's mostly my job. Not a bad gig. I just got to hang down here. Nobody doesn't get cold.

You don't, oh, you want me to get hard? Okay. I'm putting my rib cage up. The balls could be two other Bruce Willisons. There's the really great end to, Halliberry getting totally gunned down

is Damon Wayans jams his car into the gunman's legs and wedges him against another car fuck that's brutal but then the weird thing is like Bruce Willis after being knocked out like you know by those dudes at the beginning of this whole sequence magically

just finds them yeah he rolls up on them he kills half of them and and yeah then he kills another guy Bruce Willes shoots this dude there were so many fucking head shots this movie. It's great. Oh, oh, bring me to fucking take me down to the Squib Paradise City. Yep. This is fucking beautiful. It makes all the difference. Dude, same thing with Billy Blanks at the

beginning of the movie. That's a huge squib, just his head coming off. And this is the beginning of just like the conflating. Like, yeah, he's a private investigator. He's kind of a cop. Come on. Yeah. I mean, he's kind of a cop. Because the cops come. And like, you're like, oh, that's the fucking rest of your night and that's tomorrow you're going to be in that jail. No, they go to Corey's apartment. The cops are like, oh yeah, so you killed them? Okay, good. Okay, we'll see you later.

There's one guy that's not crazy about him who this kind of comes to nothing. The guy that's like, the chief guy. The chief was like, oh, you rat bastard, son of a bitch. You would call on the senator and this, that, the other thing. It's like, better keep your nose out of this business kind of a deal. That's where they have because they're at the police station at one point. And it's right before this dude says that to them where Bruce Willis has that line about Damon Wayne's pants.

And he's like, yeah, and he goes, how much those are. run, and it's like $650, $650. $650. Is there a TV in there or something? And I was like, oh, that's kind of interesting because how TV pants? The structure of that exchange, what does that sound like to you? It sounds like

the Pulp Fiction. $5.000. What is it? It is something? And I was like, oh, shit, man. Like QT definitely saw this movie. Oh, I'm sure he did. And he's embroiled in this whole thing for the less of less of, less than the cost of those pants.

that's right that's right oh what a life this dude leads and there's a weird thing this also sort of comes to nothing because Damon Wayne's

like oh you know hey Bruce Willis why would your good buddy Bruce McGill give you this job if he knew was going to be so dangerous and he's like

oh because he's fucking he was fucking my wife and I was like so is this movie now saying that like it was some big because I thought Bruce McGill was just

trying to lay some pipe but this makes it sound like it was this larger conspiratorial like oh if he gets killed then I can continue fucking his wife but that's like just them like creating a narrative like I don't think that's actually supposed to be what was actually happening

but if you're the cops you got to be all right so Bruce Will's just to sit down so this morning man exploded in front of you and you say you had nothing to do with that we mostly believe that and now you just so happened to run into a hit squad is that what you're calling

and you killed six other men men within a 13-hour period, you're just gonna be in jail for like 24 hours. We need you off the streets. We'll figure it out. We'll hold you here. All of her ex-boyfriends

are also in a militia that I took out. You know, you can ignore that. They were bad guys. She used to gang bang a group of German terrorists. I took them all out. Nobody fucks my way. Wow. That would have been son.

Now, that's a Friday night. She called herself a gruberite. That's right. It's time for us to have sex with your wife, Bruce Willis. Somebody had fun. Now you're going to watch. That's right, Bruce Willis. We're going to cuck you right here at the top floor of Nakatomi Tower.

Oh, Mr. Cowboy, you can say yippie Kaye motherfucker in the corner in that chair. You should have just gotten the dog like she asked. Uh-uh, uh-uh. No touching yourself. So they do go to Corey's apartment and it's been tossed obviously and they're looking. Damon Wands, we find out later, is just pretty much looking for drugs at this point. Yes. And but Bruce Wilson is looking for evidence and they do find this tape, right?

Yeah, that's that's like the blackmail evidence, I guess, of the conspiracy of trying to legalize gambling, which is apparently Mark Hone had was going to give like $6 million to Baynard the senator for his vote or whatever. and this is on tape and Corey decided to try to I guess blackmail these individuals in order to get Damon Wayne's his quarterback job back. And like here's something also, speaking about Marcone. It's one thing like

you get Markone. Shane Black writes his scripts like Markone, he's the head of the he's the head of the whole thing and blah blah blah blah. And then you cast this guy who's literally just the rich Texan from the Simpson. Totally. You just got to change his name to like Garth McKinnis.

or something. Absolutely. Yeah, it's kind of a weird, like, we should have, but it's crazy. Or Clem Westfield or something. Something, but I got to tell you how great Marcon just rolls off the tongue. I mean, that is such a classic, 80s kind of villain name, you know? It does roll off your tongue. So in that sense, it's like, get someone who doesn't look like the fat Texan from the same. Whenever I hear an Italian name, I like stiffen up. I know there's going to be a crime guy. coming my way. Yeah, because this feels more Texan than Italian.

Absolutely. There's nothing Italian about this actor whatsoever. We're going to call you Garth Ennis. And, uh, you know, you're addicted to two. Well, the comic book writer. But look at this, though.

I mean, the guy, rest in peace, he's been dead for a while. But the actor's, the character is Sheldon Markone. Okay. Sheldon, I guess, sounds white. But his, apparently Italians aren't white. Dude, this just didn't. I meant like mayo ass.

I got it. The actor's name was, Noble Willingham. Yes. He was on Walker, Texas Ranger forever. He was like, he was kind of like the third guy on Walker, Texas Ranger. Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck yeah.

I've seen a lot of Walker, Texas. Whoa. It's on Pluto, dude. Oh, is it? Oh, that's such Walker Channel. There is. You could just watch like three hours of Walker, and you're having a pretty good time. Oh, yeah, dude. You know, it's starting.

Next recap podcast. Oh, definitely. I think it must have been because at the time where this could have happened so like we were just talking about this on the Delta Fars episode 2007 they make that

they make that fucking Chuck Norris joke right so like the late aughts right there we weren't yet doing TV reboots but like what a perfect thing to do a Walker Texas Ranger reboot with Chuck Norris at the height of all those fucking stupid Chuck Norris jokes.

We instead just remade the show with a completely different actor, right? Supernatural kid. Yeah. There was a Walter. Padalecki, I want to say it? Maybe there's a Padalecki or is it the other one? I don't know which one it was. Jared Padalecki was one of the supernatural jokes. He's on Friday 13th remake.

I have not seen this, but I guarantee there's not enough violence. They should have gone heavy violence. He better be doing roundhouse kicks like at least three times an episode. I see teeth every episode flying. That's another thing. I mean, can you imagine should be a shudder program. Hell yeah, dude. Walker, we got to talk to you again.

I mean, like, we want you to be tackling legs, pulling your guns on people. The kicks is just, it's really showy and it's really bizarre. It's not becoming of law enforcement. See, the problem we have is the scenes where you're supposed to be a human suck. But the kickin and the guns. They put the tape in, they want to listen to it, and there's a fun. And this is like, because this movie is kind of a proto Shane Black, the movies that he does now that I really like, which is like, um, uh, kiss kiss bang bang and the nice guys, like the two man detective movies and it's kind of really funny and like silly shit happens. Oh, yeah.

And that's what this is sort of doing, but it's like Bruce Willis agroses his way out of the joke because the joke is like the, the, he, he, you know, with Damon Williams, like, this is boring on hit fast forward. And he's like, yeah, he'll end up fast forward. He can ruin the fucking tape. Oh, man, you ruin the fucking tape. I'm like, you ruined the fucking tape. I'm like, dude, it's a joke in a movie. It's just, you know what I mean? Like, is it.

Fast forward eats the tape. Best for it eats the tape. But to be fair, that is what Bruce Wilson is known for is that kind of delivery. That is his trademark. I agree with you, but this reaction is consistent with the rest of his shitty reaction. He's a piece of shit. Well, no, but to Steve's point, though, like think about, all right, so put that action in the nice guys. And it's like Russell Crow goes to fast forward the tape.

And picture Ryan Gosling, like, freaking out about that. Like, it would be handled much better. It would be laughing at it. Like, that's the thing. You don't laugh. At least I wasn't laughing at this. I was like, you're just being a douchebag, Bruce Willis. None of this is funny.

Probably the funniest smash cut in the last 20 years is Ryan Gosling trying to break into that. He tries to break into something and he breaks through glass and cuts his hand and it smash cuts to the ambulance. And I'm like, that's a knee slap. That movie is great. I got to go back. that and honestly it's been a minute since I've seen kiss kiss bang bang same I loved it though I think you and I watched it Eric like in a story at one time like it was a random Andrew and Eric like evening or something like you guys weren't around and we just maybe put that

on because that was so long that was a delightful movie it holds up for the most part so the fast forward eats the tape this was Hallie Barry's like blackmail evidence against this guy so because she wanted to get David Wins's job back essentially as the yeah right so then it's like, all right, well, I'm just going to drop you off or whatever, Damon Wayans. And then Bruce Willis kind of put some math together about like, oh, yeah, well, Hallie Berry's car, blah, blah, blah, and

realizes like, oh, there's probably a bomb in that and, like, runs to save Damon Wayans right here. A lot of car. I got to say a lot of carbons. Good explosions. I would say throughout this movie, Lobowski's landlord. Jack Keeler, dude, comes to

he's kind of doing a Chinatown scene with the knife near those kind of thing. He's like, so before that, though, Bruce Wilson is smart to put the C4

he found in the trunk. This gives you another fucking line that's basically right out of Diard with a vengeance somehow. It's like,

what do you want to leave this on the street for some kid to find it? Some kid could find it. Oh, that's right, because like Damon Wayne's like,

oh, just leave the bomb here or whatever. And he's like, what, so the neighborhood kids can find it? Yeah.

Totally. It's interesting, like, if you could have leaned into Bruce Willis even more, this could have just been his last action hero.

Like those lines are just... Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's the thing is that the tone of the script is cynical, deeply, deeply cynical. Yeah. They just, the Tony Scott is too much. He's kind of too flat. I like Tony Scott, but he is a little too flashy for it. Yes.

Well, when did, I mean... I'm checking now for Die Hard with a Vengeance. It might be after this movie. Oh, is that. Oh, yeah. 95. 95. Because part two, part two, I think, is also 91 or 90 or 91 maybe.

Yeah. That sounds right. um so yeah i by the way just to point out there's the uh performance again of jack keeler in this movie like he is legitimately intimidating and then when you think about him in labowski and he's like uh dude today's already the 10th you know i mean and it's just like great fucking character actor yeah like the those like the dude's landlord and this guy credited as Scrabble man uh like two vastly different characters this is just they pepper this movie with these actors like that now you're like fucking Kim

Coats has like a great scene later. I forget who the guy who he's partnered with is also great. That guy's a ton of shit. He's a ton of shit. He's a hot dog guy from the the uh, the, uh, hot dog guy. Superman 3? No, from a movie we did with Justin J.Ks, which is

called the Shamelon movie The Happening. Oh, yes. He's like, all of hot dogs. Yes. Oh, that's right. I was right into myself last night. I was like, how the fuck is Brian James done? this movie. Like, was there, was the, did the, did the negotiations not go through? Like, him or Tobin Bell, you need at least one of them in this film. Yeah, Brian James would be kind of perfect for this.

We were just talking about Brian James with something. Oh, no, I had just, because he's in the player. Yeah. Yeah. And I just rewatch that a couple weeks ago now. And like, again, similar, like the scope of a character actor, Brian James, what he's doing in the player versus Brian James and almost literally everything else I've seen the man in completely different characters and he sells both of them. Rest in peace, another one gone. I mean, he's fantastic. And I think you would have a Brian James type

usually in the Milo row, but I like I think he's very good in the role. But these two dudes blow up and then it's basically now, let's go into the world's darkest John Cassavetti's home life situation. Yeah, yeah. when yeah it's it's Bruce Willis he's bringing

Damon Wayne's home just to hang out for a bit and Daniel Harris his young daughter is just watching TV she's watching lethal weapon which is very winky yeah that's kind of funny

I admittedly as much as this movie was playing for me I was like oh fuck it's been really long since I've watched lethal weapon and oh God I want to turn this off right now and turn it on

better movie You know, and he just starts yelling at this girl He's like trying to give her ice cream And she's like mad at him So he just throws it all out the fucking window Which that's dude You should go to fucking jail You throw a perfectly good thing of ice cream out the window

Like that, fuck you You know what she wants to do Damon Wayne She wants to fuck Tommy She's gonna fuck that ice cream If I don't throw it out the window So she gets this ice cream You go to the next one Hey Holland back

I got fucking Rocky Road in my pool now I'm going to get The bill for the filters Will be on your desk See and you know what You can put that in this movie Sure And then he's like

Fuck you you dumb motherfucker And it's like Yeah you take the expenses Out of my wife's pussy Watch come and make it even Come over here and fuck my wife That'll be up for your pool filter I mean are you cool with that

Mrs. Bruce Willis Mrs. Bruce Willis I'm not a character So I must be Thank you because She's not She's not a character at all

The daughter sort of starts to become a character here But I mean like he is like full on like verbally abusing this girl And the wife's like Joni go to bed or something Instead of like fuck you Why are you going at this girl? Yeah I think they're trying to also play a little bit of like The daughter learned it from her Because they're giving it to each other back and forth

Like Uncle Jay's not a fuck up like you are dad Don't call me a fuck up You're a fuck up dad Oh Uncle Jimmy you know what he does He cheats on his taxes something that nobody does you hear me I've never cheated on my taxes you know how because I never paid them could that uncle call me I need to figure something out well also though Bruce Willis like you only really got to start filing your taxes when you make over $10,000 a year

and I feel like at this rate these jobs you're pulling dude I don't know about that $1,000 a year the actress playing the wife is Chelsea Field who is like small roles in a bunch of stuff including playing Tila and Masters the Universe the movie. But I'm pretty sure she is the flight attendant in Commando who Arnold is like my friend who's dead tired. When he kills that guy in the plane. I'm pretty sure she's that character too. I also believe she's Mrs. Scott Bacula. Yes, she's

been married to Scott Bacchola for a very long time. Oh, wow. Lucky ladies. Holy shit. Lucky absolutely. Absolutely. My God. Scott Bacch. Fuck. Well, the problem is like Captain Archer. You're getting right there. Then he's like, Sam, why haven't I leaped yet? Sam, I'm starting to lose it. Can we leap soon, please?

But, yeah, it's and I mean, this scene is one of the longest scenes of the movie. He's going in the kitchen, out the kitchen. She's like, fuck out you, you piece of shit. Dude, and it's crazy because to your point, Steve, this is very Casabellis. And I was like, where is the vodka? Yes. Bruce Willis isn't even smoking in this scene. I was like, you got to light up a cigarette if you're going to be yelling like this, man.

We do see the photo of him with Jimmy Carter. and maybe this is where the full flashback happens I can't remember but we established that Oh well you know it must be because there's already a line We know that he has saved the president's life Because fucking hilarious moment One of like they go back to the police station Before they go to the house or something

And there's this weird like little nerd police guy standing there Oh yeah And Bruce Willis looks at him and he's like what And he goes They told me what you did for the president I just want to shake your hand Like, oh, man, come on. Listen, I'm going to die in a pointless attack later.

I just wanted to be a character for a moment. They're going to try to frame you for my murder. It's going to be an afterthought. It's going to last a few seconds and no one's going to care or think about it. Also, now that I'm doing the math here for a second, like how old is Bruce Willis supposed to be? I mean, Carter was president in the late 70s. Like, I was in the fucking secret service. Yeah, Carter's tough.

I would guess they just wanted generic president and but then why would you somebody looks exactly like Jimmy Carter that famously only plays Jimmy Carter

right yeah I don't know that's just kind of I mean Jimmy Carter was president in 1980 right that's when the election was yeah but that's

yeah I guess it's 11 years ago 25 years old okay okay that's fair that checks out young whippersnapper right out of after college

or whatever where everyone there is a great exchange somewhere amidst the freak out. Oh, it's actually, yeah, it's because he sees the picture of him with the president

that David Wayne's goes, I got my picture taken with Don Johnson once and Bruce Wilson's like, oh yeah, you still got it. And like, Damian's great fucking delivery.

He's in the middle of sitting down and he's like, nah, threw it out. And at this point, and I don't know why. I can't like, just go home.

He might have you take a shower in your house? Like, I don't know. I'm in the middle of like an enormous fight with my entire family. Well, then I'm going to get the shower so I don't have to hear.

the problem it's like this is lethal weapon and in that relationship Riggs and Mertog have a relationship that's freshed out that you could actually contextually see that happening How do you all know each other? We're family! That's not until part

four but that is what that's the relationship but Eric he wasn't divorced Shane Black wasn't divorced when he wrote before he was divorced Shane Black wrote this script with his teeth and so fucking angry And he goes in And Bruce Will's like

Hey I gotta give you a towel And like he's like taking pills He's get the fuck out of my house I'll put those pills up your ass I don't know man It's not like he's smoking a joint He's just taking some bills No and like I don't know

His fucking lady friend blew up Or was blown away rather He's seen two separate car explosions happen Like who gives a shit And like You could have the angle of like I'm trying to be a good fuck get this shit out of my house. But at the same time,

it's like, well, that doesn't jive with everything else we just want. Right. No, what that I think what's funny about is like the title, like being the last point is like, he does believe in all that shit, but he's also a huge hypocrite. Like that's what, I mean, like, it's about degeneration almost. Like, he's just like,

Degeneration! Hell yes. Sorry. With chamber and all of them. The idea is like I guess the world failed him, so he doesn't care anymore. Yes. And something, something. wins on the on uh on his way out he finds out like uh oh this that comes to nothing daniel harris like you know you are my dad's favorite football player well you're such a huge i was joking when i said

i didn't know who you were and like yeah he signed my dad's card and he says sure to the last boy's yeah there it is at least someone didn't say it but man how hilarious is this though she's like oh yeah like yeah like you said steve like uh is my father's favorite football player when you had all that trouble. He stopped watching football altogether. I was like, I don't know. I don't know that I buy that. Like, this dude's probably still going to keep watching football. And it's around here where we also get Damon Williams, uh, Wayne, Wayans, Wayans. I feel like Letterman, Obo, Oprah. He talks about how he was going to be a father, but then a truck. Oh, this is brutal. His wife with the eight-month-old baby inside.

And I've been spending the last years hunting down that truck. And my vengeance will be soon at hand. No, no, no. He just cries. It is, I have to say, this part, I think he kind of does okay with because he's like, you know, the story is fucking harrowing.

I was playing a game, biggest game of my life. My wife was walking in L.A. Blreya Boulevard. This is why you don't walk in Los Angeles. It's totally true. Do you take a cab or buy a car? and she was hit by a car she died and then he's like the baby lived for 17 minutes

he fell asleep and dude I gotta say when David Wayans was like he got to have one dream before he died I was like that's hitting me and I don't even like kids like it fucking he really sold that one it's only later when they or no it's actually in Halliberry's apartment when they're like all right you're looking over all this wreckage

you got to cry right here and it is definitely the thing that people who are acting do when they can't cry is they put their head down and cover their eyes with their hands and then they cut and when you come back magically there's just tears there and it's just like oh he couldn't get

there but why could he was on fucking living color don't expect that of this guy Simone could have done it Simone you're the last Boy Scout you are the last Boy Scout you're gonna do Homey the Cloud

okay a little bit of Damon Waynes a little bit of Noble Willing Ham you're going to be a big fat Texan subon It's somewhere around here too Where they say Matthews Which is Bruce McGill's character

You know The cops are like Oh yeah well Matthews was fucking his wife And that's what again This detective character Where this comes to nothing Just starts like rubbing his beard Like say

Found out his wife was fucking around Maybe he put the bomb In Bruce McGill's car Comes to nothing Absolutely nothing, but I appreciate the attempt of increasing the body care. Not an attempt, they do a good job. This guy just because this is when Taylor Negeron pretty much shows up. The weird part about this movie, I guess, is it's almost not long enough.

Like, I almost need a little bit, like the whole family scene. I needed one more action scene between Bruce Willis and Damon Wains to bond before that. Because they are like best buds at the beginning of this family. So I'm like, how, though? You know what I mean? It's a little too quick. Well, there's a, isn't there a scene where they throw? Ro, Damon Wands off of

an overpass? That's happening right now. That's happening now. Yes. Not now now. But the rest of the movie basically turns into one crazy day. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, definitely. Definitely. Which is rad. I appreciate a good one crazy day. In the morning, you know, this cop is

like, is going to see what's going on. He sees Taylor Negron and a couple of dudes hanging out in front of the house. He's like, if there a problem? He's like, yes. there's too many bullets of this gun and just shoots the juice of the head.

Dude. I love it. I love it. It rocks. And he's walking around with this fucking like cattle prod he was using on people. He's a good villain. He keeps on calling Bruce Wilson. Joseph. Yes. Yes. He's a Samuel. He's a good villain. He's good in any type of role. Really.

Yeah. I've always liked him. Think about him in this. I'm going to keep doing this. But as long as I can make these weird connections. But think about him in this versus he's in the episode of Seinfeld with a smelly car playing the hairstylist and what I want to do.

It's so awesome. Or chairman of the board as well. Oh, that's right. He's also fucking great in that movie. He was so great. God, why are all the greats gone? And it's weird because usually he had that long dark hair and in this movie he's got like this bleach blonde short hair. It's very

unsettling kind of it makes him, it does make him more menacing for sure because, you know, Taylor and Eggron not known for being menacing. No, but he can do it. Well, that's, I mean, it's usually you would, like, we were talking about Brian Jay. Like, you would have the big, tall, menacing guy. It's shorter. It's more, like, almost like an anime villain.

Like, you kind of imagine him having a sword. Yeah, he's, you know, I mean, he's great. And he's great in this, but it is quasi-gay-coded Hollywood villain. Oh, big time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How and why, because it's one of my favorite things. When fucking David Wayne's just gets chucked over this overpass, how does that happen? Like, he's like, I think he's looking in on something and,

Yeah, and Kim Coats and the gang just do that. And like, they don't even follow up. They don't. It's Kim Coates and did we recognize goon number two? No. A 1991 James Gandalfini himself. Oh, yeah. What's like Gandalfini?

Gandalfini, dude. He must have been a Scott guy because he's just, he'll be in true romance a little bit. Oh, that's right. Yeah, it's taking a pelham. Oh, right. Oh, weird. He, yeah, he's the, he's one of the goons in the car that rolls off the cliff and like the big chase scene. Because he doesn't have any dialogue, I think.

He does not speak at all. It's this scene. Yes. The scene where they're in, is it like the woods, wherever they do the handoff with the suitcases? He's there and he runs after him. And then in the car chase, he goes off the cliff. It's a go Bellini, Bruce Willis. But they just chuck him over and overpass. He gets up and it's just like, I'm okay, everyone. There's me and there's Super Dave.

And then he falls down. Dude, is Super Dave Osborne reference. That was kind of cool. It was the early 90s. We loved it. I still love it. I watched the Superdave show as a kid. I don't remember. You don't remember it?

No, I don't remember a ton of it. Oh, I mean, it was just what you think it is. He would like go to do a stunt and then a dummy would get set on fire. Sounds fantastic.

So, Bruce Willis gets kidnapped. And then we get this parlor scene at this indoor pool. This is the Kim Coat scene. Yeah. And you see fucking Noble Willingham with his shirt off. That's, oh, yeah.

They're like, make Joseph a drink. Make that too. I'm taking off my top and getting into the pool. I honestly was waiting for him to walk in and like the way like oil comes up like to like it just comes off him.

He's just so evil. It's like Barron. Harcone. Yeah, yeah. He's evil. It's separating in the water. See, the other thing that sucks about making this dude named Marcon is how fucking funny would it be if you saw this dude come out of the pool and he'd been swimming with a cowboy

hat on the whole time. He's just got his trunks, no shirt on, and a cowboy hat, just beautifully perched on his head. We don't do swim trunks from where I'm from. We do swim chaps. But he does, Bruce Wilson does coolly murder Kim Coats here

because he's like, could I get a cigarette? And he's like, sure. And he punched him in the face. When he goes to light, he's it, that's the one. Do it again. I'm going to fucking kill you. And he, he's like, give me a light. And he punches him again. and then he punches his nose and just breaks it. Dude, he does the fucking

like, you know, nose cartilage all into your brain. Yeah, there's a line. Like, he just killed Chetty, put his nose through his brain. It was a national, but everybody was worried about that happening to them in real life for about seven years. Because, you know, it's like, oh,

I'm going to get a hit with the palm. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to get the palm. I mean, it was just a, what do you call it there? It was like, I mean, it's perfect for this movie. It is schoolyard conversation all like, you know, if you do this thing with your hand, he can go right to the guy's nose. When you go to your brain, he did.

I mean, I'm sure it's true, but not from like a sixth grader, like punching somebody. A big fucking dude like Bruce Willis maybe. Yeah, Bruce Willis punching a sixth grader. Hell yeah. This was like the heyday of them ruining huge scenes and trailers.

Because this scene to me, I would have been like on the scene, but this whole thing is in every trail. Is that right? Yeah, yeah. I don't think I've ever seen a trailer for this movie. It's weird. Oh, that's weird.

Yeah. Ruined. Noble Willingham was like, let me tell you the whole thing what we're doing here basically there was a quick moment with Milo where he's just like

shall we have a formal introduction and Bruce Willis is like who gives a fuck and I like that I like that pushing off and then he's like oh you're so cool one day I'm going to make you squeal and then he goes

yeah play some rap music of course or no not make you not make you school make you throw up yes which is like play some rap music this is a movie for your own uncle. He's slapping uncles. Somewhere around here, Damon Wayans gets the address of the

senator. Sure. Um, which is, which he's going to go like track him down or something. I think that's what he thinks Bruce Willis is. Yes, that's right. And, uh, Noble Willingham here says like, oh, we're going to, we're going to, you know, or maybe it's Milo that says it that we're going to frame you for the senator's murder. Right. Because he explains, Noble Willingham is like, we, we were bribing all the senators. on this committee to, you know, they're trying to pass legalize gambling. Yeah, the fan dual act of 191. Or it's, he's paying them off so like they will

vote to legalize. And this Bainard was the only one who was like, no, that's not going to happen. So he's like, well, he didn't want my $6 million. So I'm just going to murder him. And then we're going to blame you, Bruce Willis. And is he going to blow up the stadium as well? Is that the other plan? No. What's the bomb supposed to be for? Well, the bomb is supposed to blow up the senator. I Yes, at the stadium. So it would have to be at the stadium.

I don't know if it would be enough to blow up the entire stadium. The way we're going to get ashes backing seats is more violent action and terrorist attacks at the stadium. Love terrorism. They love Bain. I want to make the audience feel so unsafe at these football games, baby. The money's going to roll on in. We have released 10 Violet Maniacs into, and we have given them very large knives. We'll see how many of you survive.

Legalized gambling, loose Rottweilers. dude holy shit cabin you just inspired the next great entry in the franchise dude the purge colon Super Bowl Sunday and then also the purge colon loose

Rottweiler I think the thing is so here's what it is it wasn't that Bainard turned him down Bainard demanded more money so the deal is that briefcase they're going to give it to Bainard like oh yeah we told him

we're going to give him whatever he wants. Yes. The briefcase actually has a bomb in it. So, yes, maybe he would open it at the stadium. Maybe it's like a wait till you get home or something like that. And once Bainerd is dead, we are all going to be a bunch of draft kings. Oh, it's going to be amazing. 15 people would have died at my sporting events in a matter of seven days.

It's fantastic. And we will truly live as draft kings. Look, half the Budwashes are poisoned. Good luck. And all the fans are going to fight over it. I'm going to say, well, gosh, what a good-looking fan duel. Fucking fan duel. All that shit is garbage.

Terrible. But it's good for you if you want to play. This week's episode is brought to you by fan. No, it's not. Not yet. We'll see if the check lives. But it's sort of amazing. Also, you think about, like,

Uh, what would, again, like, the idea of going to a football game after this happened five, six, seven days ago, it's crazy town. No, hey, Los Angeles, guess what, man, the kings are right there. You're getting a whole influx of hockey fans after this. Well, nobody got hurt and it was kind of a show. I mean, if somebody else is going to blow their head off. That's fair. I wouldn't mind seeing it. They would just have to be like a national week of morning, you know? Oh, sure. The president is showing up, well, Bar, these football games are too, gosh, darn dangerous. First, it was the leading with your head while you tackle. Now it's bringing a gun onto the field. Kind of ridiculous.

Getting even worse. Now if they had a gun, they were in Libya, I'd be more into it, Barr. Now I'm picturing a Will Smith movie where he's complaining about, you know, tell the truth over these players shooting themselves. Oh, yeah, he's got all these x-rays of, like, bullets going to brain. Yeah, it's just, it's bad because, like, later on in life, they'll be dead, you see. And it could lead to them decaying. Yeah, they only live like six seconds after the game.

He's getting laughed out of the, he's getting laughed out of the, he's getting laughed out of the room while he's like, no, bullets cause people to die. Oh, we have right. Ridiculous. Tell the truth. Also, I just recognized in my notes. Another thing I was reminded that Chelsea Ross, Senator Bainer, is the star, or not the star of, but he's in for a hot fashion

is he is the evil colonel from the military school and bogus journey. Oh, nice. Oh, hello, Colonel Oates. Dude rules. Daniel Harris sidles up to Damon Williams' car here.

Oh, right. Oh, I want to be in the movie. The studio just said that I was a fun character and that scene. They need me in the last act. I believe she is. It's not a full one here, Steve, but she, I think, is a stowaway. She's kind of, you're right.

For the services of kidnap bait. Yes. Yep. And then like what? Damon Williams follows the leads. And they get to the fucking woods. The woods where the photo evidence is happening of Milo handing this briefcase to Bruce Willis.

We get our third or fourth parlor. scene explaining it just in case somebody was out getting popcorn. You know, it's really intricate. You didn't really need to do it, but I guess I kind of appreciate the fact that this Bond gadget. Yes, it's like a lazy Susan for suitcases in the

back of this trunk. So this dude that works for the senator who I guess is a Polish gangster. Question mark. He's Polish? He looks like Pitbull actually. I feel like there are deleted scenes because when we're driving on the highway soon enough,

There's like, he, he's too stupid, David Wren's too stupid to spell bomb correctly. Oh, yes. He spells BOM. Yeah. And it's like, oh, that means fuck you in Polish. So now this guy's going to go crazy. I forgot about that. So like, yeah.

He must, totally. There has to be something missing. I don't think he's pulling. I think that's just a bad lie. Or is that just supposed to be a bad joke. That's just a bad joke. Like, like a Polish people are stupid joke. Or I literally just could be a, I don't even know.

That's how bad it is. I don't even know what the point of it was. Oh, good. All right. So it makes no fucking sense. That's the guy. Glad we cleared that up. The guy who, the other back guy, the pit bull guy is the guy who kills the first person

to kill somebody in Hard Target when they're shooting somebody. Oh, really? The first client for Lance Hanrickson. Oh, I like that. The money is not in that briefcase. The bomb is in that briefcase. It sounded like you're doing it, Christopher walking. The bomb is in the briefcase.

I took that briefcase It's stuck it up his ass Oh man get some lube Where are you going to set off that bomb Somewhere exotic No just the L.A. Colise Okay And they're about to kill Bruce Willis

This is when Daniel Harris shows up with her stuffed animal Like oh I'm lost or something And I don't even know what the She's Let's see what she's got to shake It's kind of clever

For the little girl But then, like, to fool grown adults, like, and also, like, Taylor Negron and all his dudes are like, you know, surveilling Willis and everything. Like, they would know what the kid looks like. Let me hand you this. Why don't, hey, mister, why don't you see if you can get this thing to talk. Now you try. Yeah. Now you try.

There's clearly a gun in this, in this doll. Here you go. But this is the same as Steve said, the Roger Rabbit. We're going to laugh to death because he is doing fucking voices with things. And, like, fucking roasting all these hitmen with this puppet. He's going after the audience. He's like, ah, you didn't get enough pushy to me. The jokes are just like, where'd you get you shoot?

Gangsters are us. Oh, yeah. And then he just starts, there's a gun inside the puppet. It's kind of cool watching a puppet mouth explode with a, you know, listen, my track record and my fucking extreme creepitude with puppets, man. Anytime a puppet's decimated on the screen, I'm there. for it. As things fucking mouth shoots out from inside of itself. Awesome. Some fat guy gets it right in the

kisser and then yeah he's blown like there are 17 guns pointed at them and Bruce Will somehow knocks out all of them. You see Damon Wayne's like kicks one guy in the stomach or something. Yeah. Yeah. It's you know it's

pretty convenient but you know they're the protagonists so they can get through this pretty okay. Daniel Harris casts a spell and everybody goes to sleep. It's weird that her dad is Bruce Willis and her uncle is Michael Myers So it's like a You don't want to fuck with this little girl

You are in trouble You know Bruce Willis has probably got a higher body count Yeah, I was gonna say two of the world's Greatest serial killers Exactly Hey Mike you're a big fucking pussy dude Oh man you only use a knife What a fucking pussy you have a drag gun

Always the talkative one Also driving a car Michael Myers That's true Dude Michael Myers loves driving car All right Darry and evil dies tonight okay. Do you have to have that little score going

every time you walk into a room? There is a girl who's the daughter of a private detective sheriff. Sheriff, she's got a gun in that puppet. There is a puppet coming to your town. Ro, I'm just here visiting. Her father keeps on calling her a hooker for some reason.

Oh, no, they made it in the football game. we get our high-speed chase here I think a Milo is also in pursuit Yes this is non-polish boss is somewhere around here This is where the other car is Gendolfini goes flying Yes there's some cool cliff Yeah, some of 1970s kind of Yeah

Like tunes as the cat kind of We're throwing an old sedan down a hill Yeah And then into a pool as well it's very similar to the fucking nice guy like when the opening with the going down the hell. Absolutely. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah, you're right. I got to watch that again. It's great movie. You're right that this is Rick Ducumman as the guy who's just having breakfast like out on his patio. He's good. And Taylor Negron's car crashes

into the pool and he's the fucking like dead face reaction of just like I can't believe I'm looking at what I'm looking at. Totally great. The best reaction is let me get your car. No. He's like, give me the car. I shoot the girl. Daddy. Oh. Oh, well, she's going to be drugs and all the rest of stuff. So yeah, you go ahead and take the car. Her life's ruined now. He threatens to murder his own child to get inside this car, which is fantastic. Honestly, pretty funny part for me. Yeah. And then he's just like, oh, he's definitely dead. Let me just shoot the car a few more times. Grab the suitcase of actual money. And then that's that. Let me leave my daughter. Oh, no, we have to order the college.

You leave my daughter with this berobed pervert. Totally. Can we point out that the mother is still alive? Yes. She exists. Call her. Be like, yo, you have to come here and pick her up right now.

And just do that. And you can still have all the events unfold because of the L.A. traffic or whatever. Yeah, I'm leaving her here with this like pervert pool guy. He looks like one of the neighbors from the burbs. He'll recognize him immediately. Look, just why don't you,

I don't want to take care of a kid. Why don't you call your wife? Where does she work? I don't know. It's your wife. Yeah, I don't know. She's wife. She works on her back on my mattress and I'm paying for it.

Is there another McGill in the picture? She's probably fucking him. Go working her way up the family fucking tree. Well, it's a good thing fucking John Belushi's dead or else you fuck him. Probably going to fuck Mark Metcalf next. The whole fucking cast of the animal house. Is that piece of shit Scott Bacchler out here? She said she had a crush on him.

fucking Tim Matheson, he was next. Flounder, whatever that guy's name was, Stephen's something. Oh, enjoy fucking Peter Rieger! You fuck, Neidemeyer. Oh, man, you fuck Niedermeier. That's desperate. Put a pledge pin up you. A pledge pin in your penis.

Oh, man, like a piercing. That'd be cool. Prince Albert. Anyone in the room got a genital piercing? Not currently. No, no, no. I have zero piercings on my body. Never say never, but I thought about it.

I'm thinking about getting some hellraiser shit going on, maybe. I just don't think I could have a needle go through my penis. No, no, no, no. I don't think so. Yeah, I'd probably not do it either. Yeah. I'm going to say, yeah. The movies continue.

Yes. Taylor Negron kills Rick DeCumman and kidnaps, Daniel Harris, obviously. Another solid headshot, by the way. Oh, yeah. Beautiful Squib. They get to the-clusism around here, is he? Your uncle, Michael Myers. Wait, no, it's

it's September, we're good. We're good for a month. I mean, clock's ticking, but we're good. He's probably skulking around here, but he isn't doing his main thing. Yeah, every Halloween, they transport them back and forth to nowhere. And something always goes wrong.

So they get to the Coliseum. There is a funny thing of Damon Wayne's key in Markone's car, which is pretty great. And then something something, that big fat guy, Tony Longo. Oh, dude, this doesn't make any fucking sense.

We're trying to justify that horrible scene by getting that guy more beat up, you know what I mean? Because, I mean, that scene was pretty fucking bad and it was out of nowhere and it had nothing to do with this movie. So, like, bringing it back, I guess makes it thematic. Sure, except for, like,

the team is going down the hallway to take the field. And Tony Longo is like, oh, there's the guy that fucking beat me up. And then there's like, three cops. And I was like,

well, what the, what is stadium security going to do about this dude who they clearly know because he used to be your star quarterback? Through a football at your face, you fucking baby, Tony Longo,

shut up. Well, again, he would have been, he would have been fined, except for then Jimmy Dix takes a gun out and get the fuck out of my face.

It is a fucking great line though because Tony Longo says something like, oh, get you fucking thrown out of here, kicked out of here. that's what it is. And Wayne pulls out the shotgun and puts it under his chin and he goes, how'd you like to get kicked off the planet? Yeah. It's a good line. Yeah, because here now, because we're on his old home turf, we have to give him more to do and more hero

moments like the football pass coming up. Oh, yeah. He gets this whole act like because it's him on the field trying to get Baynard's attention. Right. This is, well, the, the, the, the, the You're skipping the whole. Oh, the enormous. The seventh parlor scene. This is another. And this, I got to tell you, you know, I know he is supposed to be kind of like a Jerry Jones-esque, whatever the fuck. But like, this office is a set design straight out of Nightmare Alley.

It looks like Kate Blanchett's office, man. This huge, like high ceiling marble wall. It's like the cigar room in Al Pacino's devil advocate office. Exactly. The stetches start moving and fucking. And whatever. And like, yeah, it's another parlor scene about this, that, the other thing. And that I'm going to kill all you. He shoots Damon Wayne's in the hand, which is pretty cool. And of course, you have to do the, the light, like, I'm kind of like, the daughter is there. And he's like, I kind of going to touch your daughter maybe. Yeah. Maybe I'm going to do that. She's got a pretty head of hair. They need another 15% rapiness. here. Taylor Negron says when he threatens Bruce Wilson

on a car phone is like, I've got your daughter and I'll show it what a hot date I am. I know, it's a fucking child everybody. Can we move on? Yeah, totally. Is it cool? Daniel Harris does have the line of this scene though because he's running his mouth or whatever and she goes, eat shit, you fucking

redneck. Yes. Well, well, well, you're really tough on September 15th when everybody knows Halloween ain't for six more weeks. Uncle Mike ain't covered the same shit, little girl. I've partnered with Noble Willingham to put an end to Michael Myers. No.

Bull. No. Bull. First of all, let's go stallions. Oh, no. That quarterback isn't the real quarterback. That's Michael. I bought season tickets.

to the stallions. It came with this giant hand that goes, we're number one. It's foam. We are not number one, sheriff. Not if Michael Myers comes here. Okay, straight talk. Do you think ever in his lifetime,

Donald Pleasance donned a foam finger? No. I'd say he probably never attended a football game in person. Yeah. Probably not a big fan of American football. No. Not a fan of America. General.

Even though he was the president. I only watch kangaroo football. But like they set it up for five seconds. Bruce Will is like, oh, I've got these thing called shredders. They explode really crazy. And something, something. I have the key to where the tape is. The mafia is invoked for four seconds.

It doesn't matter. But the mafia point is actually kind of interesting. Yeah. Because Noble Willingham is like, oh, well. what are you going to do, Bruce? Well, here's the part where you tell me, the second you die, that tapes going to the media, blah, blah, blah. Bruce Willis is like, no. It's actually going to the mafia because if everything you said is true about legalizing sports gambling, the mafia stands to lose $2 billion and they're not going to be too happy about that. This is a great point because draft kings and Fandu have only secured this win because the mafia is at such a low point. Yeah, it's true. They're getting shot by the Q people. I know. This is fucking horse shit. You know, need to turn it around, folks. We're pro-Mafia podcast. People have known that for a long time. We are very endeared to the mafia.

But they need to now. You guys need to send a message. You need to take out some high-level executives. No. And certain corporations. As far as I know, Ron Watkins is still breathing. No business of mine. What happens after that?

Look, here's what I would say. You don't, don't fucking, don't buy books on Amazon. Go to your local bookstore. Don't place bets on Fandule. Go to your local book. You give us a running back to the mafia. Keep it within the community. Yes. Enrich your community, you need to do that or else it's just going to be a dystopian

house game. And yeah, yeah, which we got to avoid that. There's so many other things around. These are legitimate businessmen protecting the interest of your community and you're stabbing them in the back. Absolutely. And all your elders, all the elders of this great tradition are going to be shot by fucking teenagers who think that fucking, you know, Chris Tucker has like baby heads that he carries

around in a purse. Like he's cute people off their heads. I guess. I, well, you know, Chris Cabin, official we hate movies, Q correspondent. There's lots of ideas. I thought you heard some new fucking stupid thing that involved Chris Tucker. A variation on a theme. But I think my train of thoughts totally gone. So we're just going to move right along. Well, you get these shredder things, right? Yeah, they blow up the whole thing. We get a guy on fire, which is very cool, very cool. Totally. The guy goes on fire and then, like, everybody runs away and it's a blinking

you mess. I had to rewind it. What's his face? Noble Willingham runs away, but they cut back, like, as the scene ender on this burning body, was that Nolanwell? You know what I mean? I was just sort of like, did he get cooked, though? Well, because they really, this guy on fire is both on fire. Then he gets shot in the chest and then he gets shot in the ankles. So I'm like, man, that guy had a, that should be Noble's fucking. He gets super fucking killed. He runs away instead. He gets the suitcase, which he thinks is the money, but it's actually the bomb. We save it for the end. Until then, we have to find the senator now. That part was dumb too with Noble Willingham getting the briefcase because he's in the parking lot of the Coliseum. And he's like, look at that. There's the briefcase. And he shoots the window to get it. And immediately they cut to him like, you know, reaching in or whatever. And you can see behind him, there's people just cab.

You're at the L.A. Coliseum, the stallions are playing. Gunfire is just expected. Oh, that's right. I forgot. With the new rule change for this season. Exactly. Oh, that's Shelley and Mark Cone. Don't you want, do you want the stallions to win this season? Don't you leave him alone? Now, you are allowed to shoot a man. If he's in the red zone, you're allowed to shoot a man. Yeah, so shoot a man is where we are now because they're like, oh, Milo's going to try to kill the senator now. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's probably going to be somewhere high up. Oh, maybe those lights up there. No one at him even is like, does a James Bond thing like, oh, let's just say, Mr. Milo is a place very irurubidated.

Oh, does he? Yes. It's so dumb. Damn, I missed that. It's dumb. And then, yes, he sees him up there. And he's like, hey, Jimmy, you need to cause a distraction while I take care of him. So he rides a horse while holding a football.

Yeah. And then throws the football at the bullet. And it works. It stops the bullet. No, I think he's throwing it at the center at his face to get his attention. But then the bullet hits the football. Yeah, it's also true, yes.

Oh, does it? Yeah. One in a million shot, doc. Oh, my God. That's the best fucking arm in the fucking league. Shit, look at that. And it's kind of funny how they set up both of those things because the Tony Longgo getting his face spiked in the hot tub.

That's, you know, you know, Damon Wayans still has a fucking arm on him. And then there's some other line way at the beginning of this courtship where Damon Wayans mentions to Bruce. Willis that he and his like lady friend or whatever like they go horseback riding all the time. They set up that Damon Wayans is really

into horseback riding so that and this is all Wayne's right here. You see him jump onto the horse like from the back of it like does the whole thing. Pretty impressive. Robert McKee fucking rulebook foreshadowed a shit out of everything. And the worst part of it is I think it's when they're in the car driving the stadium. Bruce Willis just casually is just like with this.

case is over, I'm doing a jig. And I'm like, I know it's coming and I'm like, don't do a fucking jig. Yeah, it's stupid. It's like one thing too many, one cool, snappy, irreverent, whatever. Is that like, is that supposed to be a football thing? No, it's an Irish. Irish.

So it has nothing to do. He just says it to say it. Cool fight with him and Taylor Negron. Pretty great. Yeah, I like Taylor Negron. He's got this huge machine gun. He's fucking shooting at like the goddamn helicopter blasted suckers out of that. pretty cool he does fall to his death it is a great

it's amazing stunt man falling death too the swat team shoots him like a million times yeah and then he falls into the rotator blades and he gets turned into tomato sauce oh it's so good totally awesome i'll be honest i like the jig i i i was like for once i was like oh he's joyful for once in this fucking movie yeah i'll take it it's as joyful as it gets

which is to say not too much. Just shambling along. The jig is up here. The jig is up. The fucking football stadium goes apes shit. Like clapping for it. Human blood and viscera. And this is just a fucking few days after the shit.

Like the people have to put the stand. Like is this football now? This takes place in the running man future. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, yeah. I hope so. Or you have to like underline it like, oh man.

Is it America bloodthirsty? Like you have to do that if you're going to do that. Yeah. I mean, because football is a violent game. It makes sense. Like, oh, wow, they don't even care that they're shooting each other now. They love that. All the ratings are up after that fucking shooting.

Like, that's something. But this is. And that paves the way for Death Race 2000. That's right. And Frankenstein is making a ride across the United States. Racking up points. That's what I'm saying. Like, if this was an actual satire, then sure, all your fucking commentary about football, fine.

But like, no, this isn't the satire. it's it no it you're not criticizing fucking anything this is an action movie where part of it takes place in a football scene exactly uh so yeah negron's dead we do the jig whatever this is just more of the fucking making up with the wife and this is the i'm gonna spit your mouth whatever the cop is like where's the suitcase with the bomb and he opens it he's like there's just money in here and then daman wands and bruce will is like chuckling to each other because they know what's gonna happen and right near the la observatory was where this it is.

And he just opens the suitcase. He goes, Papsmere. Yeah, we see this little explosion off in the distance. And again, everyone's like, yeah, LA's blowing up. Hell yeah.

Totally thrilled. Also, his two, like, Doberman pinchers are there. And it's weird because the movie had already teased a dog death because there's a neighbor dog that you see Bruce Willis like, get your ball and get the fuck out of here.

And, like, he throws it. And then that's, when Bruce McGill blows up and you see the flaming tennis ball and I was like, ah, man. But then like later on in the movie when they're leaving the house again, you see the dog totally alive

and I was like, got it. But I guess this is because it's the villain's dog because they're like, whatever, light these two pups up. That dog is about to lick up the blood from the dead cop. Oh, he's starving. He was about to do it.

That big beefy cop like that. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's a three-course meal. Yeah. Then you'd think we'd have more time with the wife and kids or something. But no, it's just. It's just set up the sequel.

Yes, it's a sequel set up, and they're talking about like, oh, yeah, you know, if you hit someone, it's the 90s now, you've got to say something cool first. Yeah. Like a Shane Blackline. Or a Shane Blackline of some kind of, sure. But much like the end of the nice guys, much like the end of even kiss, kiss bang, bang, he's like, hey, do you want to be my partner? We're going to be private detectives together. That's right. Well, because he got shot in that fucking handman.

The football career is definitely over. So it looks like I owe you $250. dollars. That's half the case money. Yeah, right. Are you ready to die in poverty? Yeah, totally. Do you have any interest in fucking my wife? Good. That's, I get close to people by them fucking my wife.

By the way, Halloween's in a couple of weeks. You want to steer clear this house. Her uncle comes over. He's a fucking nutcase. It's fucked up. We've had fights about it. It's my wife's brother. I do not want that fucking freak sleeper on my couch. Sarah. Dude, I wake up. middle of the night Sarah get a glass of water

he's just fucking standing in the kitchen in the dark he's not saying anything he's not doing nothing he just standing there another teenager stabbed through our door and stayed there I have to clean up these bodies every morning the people at Home Depot keep asking me why I keep buying the same fucking kitchen cabinet door and I can't tell him why

oh but whatever man that is the end of the last Boy Scout they walk into the sunset and nary a sequel was ever made because they fucking hated each other the Pat Boone kicks back in, of course. And then blissfully, at the end of the credits, after the Pat Boone is done, you do get the Friday night football song.

Such a good song. It is a good songwriter. I mean, he's a good songwriter. I mean, this is him doing like trash, but he's a talented musician. Yeah, totally. But yeah, that is the end of the movie, man. Let's go around the horn here.

Final thoughts and recommendations, Steve Seda. Yeah, it's a recommend. It's a wild action movie of the early 90s. of the early 90s. It's very of its time. It's super misogynistic and mean. And if that turns you off, I totally get it. But if you just want to watch some squibs and people blow up, you could have a worse time. That's right. Christopher Cabin.

Oh, enthusiastic recommend. I really have always liked this movie. And like, yeah, the language is something fucking else. And it is definitely of the time. But, you know, I don't get many movies like this that are this nasty. and like Tony Scott is one of maybe three directors who figured out how to make the surveillance footage slash music video aesthetic work

in some way to turn into some kind of style like what's the guy who directed Belly is another one who did it. Oh yeah. But like so I really enjoy this and I think it looks good. I think the movie itself looks great. Eric Siska. Yeah, it's a light recommend for me

just because I think there's better Tony Scott movies. There's better shit black movies. there's better Bruce Willis movies there's better Damon Wayans movies that all said it does have the action it does you definitely could watch you could watch better

but you could watch worse so I would say you got a couple tall glass of water checking out I have to assume you're talking about major pain when you say there's a better or maybe blank man

I don't know both are total state teams I actually remember both of those fondly but I don't I'm gonna get you suck a really funny movie Oh, yeah. Oh, sure, totally. Yeah, oh, by the way, Hype Williams is who directed Belly.

Yeah, yeah, it's stronger than a light recommend for me. I did have a good time with it, but yeah, just kind of what Steve was getting at. It is an early 90s mind field of some shit. So, yeah, if you have a beef with that, totally get it and whatever. But yeah, stupid squibs, Bruce Willis, being lazy and hungover.

And a good performance from Damon Wayans, I think, too. So we will leave it at that. If you want more We Hate Movies, of course, check out patreon.com slash we hate movies. Out now is our We Love Movies listener, a requested episode on Walter Hills, The Warriors. We have a Basque Gleap Glossary coming out pretty soon. We have a regular old episode of Melrose 210 that is out in where we finally get to the season one finale of Melrose Place, which was a big, spicy episode. Spicey as fuck, too. Yeah, if you like us talking about dicks and stuff, you really want to get on that.

Walsh tier of Patreon. We've tons of dick talk on Melrose. We're going to have the double dragon AD. Yeah. And the Harry Potter and Terry will be out. That's right. That's right. We shit on J.K. Rowling for a while. Yeah. So there you go. If you got a problem with that,

hey, that's your problem. And as always here on the main feed, the show continues. We have one final listener requested episode coming next week. Steve, what are we talking about? We have to get a friend in here for this. We've got to If Justin J.K.'s back on the show, it's been too, far too long. We talk about The Last Castle starring James Gandle Feeney. Oh, back to back.

And two last, two last titles. Two last to back to last. And two Gandalfinians back to back to last. So until next week with Justin J. Case's triumphant return to We Hate Movies talking about the Last Castle. I'm Andrew Jup and Steven say that. Eric Siskin. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. That was a hit-gum part of the head-gum podcast.