We Hate Movies - S12 Ep608: Soylent Green

Episode Date: May 3, 2022

On this week's episode, the gang travels back to the early 1970s to chat about a total foodie film set in 2022, Soylent Green! How fantastic is Edward G. Robinson in this movie? Who let Heston wear that hat the whole time? Could we get a few more scenes with that arcade machine? And what's going in that gross stew that Robinson cooks up? PLUS: Did Heston's character come of age during the early-aughts' NYC indie music revival? Soylent Green stars Charlton Heston, Edward G. Robinson, Joseph Cotton, Leigh Taylor-Young, Chuck Connors, and Brock Peters; directed by Richard Fleischer. Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new WHAT IF Donna?, Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm    Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, get ready to nash on thine neighbor because we're talking Soylent Green. I'm Andrew Jupin. Delicious soy boy, Stephen Sadek. Eric Soyska. Chris Gabbin is people. I disagree. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. That's right. This week we're going back to the early 70s. We're talking about 1973's Soylent Green, directed by Richard Fleischer. You know him.

directing shit like 20,000 leagues under the sea with James Mason and Kirk Douglas, Red Sonia with Arnold and Brigitte. Mandingo, of course, everybody's favorite. Amityville 3D, Mr. Majestic, tons of shit, huge career. He's a little rich boy, though. He's like a little Destry Spielberg kind of, you know? He's got the Max Fleischer name, trading in. Yeah, trade it in.

A hand up here. Who's Max Fleischer? Oh, come on. Max Fletcher is a pioneer of animation who did those amazing Superman cartoons are amazing but uncomfortably racist in parts Superman cartoons. Oh, amazing in name

you mean? Yes. No, no, the animation itself is amazing. I didn't know either. And do you know what his studio created? Do you know who our friend Flesher here was born into? Ku Klux Klam? The order of the boop even worse. They created bending boop to Flesher studio. created Betty Poop?

They did. She's not a real lady? We grew her in a lap, see. And we killed several Betty Boops. You know, the design made up over years. So we had to kill several women to get it correct, you see. Listen, people were jacking off to cartoons before we got there. We just made it more fun.

Several hundred big-headed ladies had to die by the sword before we could get it correct. Then one was just right. Mm-hmm. The stroke-a-tude was off the magnitude. Yes. Ah, yes. We're going to be dined out on this for decades, son. People are jerking off to our cartoons. Yeah, our name. Forget Superman. That's the past.

The future is jerking off to cartoons. It's going to be all the rage. Oh, yeah. You just wait, Bethany Bupowski. They're going to love you. Someday, I'm going to direct Conan the Destroyer, Dad. Yeah, but it'll be all. You'll do it. You'll trade off by.

name a jerk off cartoons. Oh, you're going to work for the other terrible animation studio. Okay, don't worry. 20,000 league on the sea was made up by Walt Disney. Of course. It would be fucking awesome if like

if fucking Fleischer Senior like walks in one day and finds like Richard like jerking off to some like Spank magazine. He's just like, in this house we only jerk off to animate.

girls cartoons only I don't see any artist's name on this photograph do you son you see a little name here for the person who draw this buxom lady that's what's happened now I think most of the country of the United States

exclusively jerks off to animation yes absolutely yeah it's true you'll never guess what Chris Griffin and Lose Griffin I don't want to can I not guess can I just not even know

what happened. They're going to fuck each other. I know. They're related. You can. So cool. Steve, you can opt out of that, but then you got to find out what Bart's doing to March. And then it's not going to be good either way. Lois comes in the room and Chris has, that's the character's name. Chris Griffin. Yes, it is. Uh, has diarrhea. And then she eats it. No, stop it. So speaking of eating things you should soil and green. That's right. Oh, my Lord. Now, this movie, to move the conversation away from fucking Eric Siska's two girls one cup.

There's no Soilent Brown. It's true. So he's lucky in that. Here's a question. And I mean, like, spoiler alert, Soilet Green is people. I don't know if you know that. I would be curious. I'm actually legitimately curious. Get at us on Twitter at WHM podcast. Let us know if you knew the twist of this movie by pop culture, osmosis or not. It's like Charlton Heston like trading, you know, after Planet of the Apes looking for another twist movie. Yeah, totally. And it works. It's good. I like this meat and potatoes, sci-fi.

I kind of enjoyed watching this the other night. It's not bad. I actually kind of think I think Fleischer's a good director for the most part. I think he knows how to keep things tight. A little bit of the buildup on this one's a little slow. I'll give them that. Yes. And I wish we had more of the city because it's just back lot bullshit.

I assume that's money. I assume that you just couldn't give as much structure to this as you would want to. but like Heston, I mean, the Omega Man is the other one I think of when I think of his sci-fi movies where he was the leader where I was like, I like him, I think he's fine,

but man, I just missed the Vincent Price days where he was the lead. You could get away with Vincent Price being your leading man. Yeah. Last Man on Earth, right? Yeah, yeah.

Which is, that's the original of the Omega Man. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yep. Yep. By Richard Matheson or whatever wrote it,

I think. Or was it based on a book that he wrote? we did a commentary on that in Philadelphia a thousand years ago oh that's right fucking WHM baby days dude yeah that's what that was were you at our 2011 shows I learned about that this was spoiled for me by that very not good but still kind of funny Saturday Night Live sketched I do it else remember that I was trying to remember where I learned it and maybe it's this so lay it on me let's you like in the juice no it's like in the same era though it's like

the end of the Hartman era and like it's and it's something something the producer of Soylent Green is in a retrospective TV show talking about how this became a franchise and like every every movie had the twist that it was people and like it was like Soil and you know it's and it's Hartman who's got a killer Heston so and he keeps going out of that Charlotte Green is people and he keeps doing that and the one that gets me that I still think of to this day is I think it's soil and green too and he's like

Soylet Green is still people they didn't change the recipe like they said they were going to it's still people I feel like I do remember this bit and it's quite possibly where I learned the twist of this movie from because the other thing I was thinking because you know

who else has done Heston impressions here and there I believe is Jim Carrey and I was trying to remember like was there some Jim Carrey movie where you he made a reference to it like is it in the cable guy or something in living color you might have gotten one going on in there okay i feel like i got it in the worst way possible i'm pretty sure i got this from a mad tv sketch oh yikes pretty sure oh man chris capon stars at bottom of the barrel yeah i was really licking up i was like saso was probably doing something that i thought was just

so charming and then back just got in my head right there man you know i haven't watched mad tv in forever I feel like it's probably better than I remember or way worse, one or the other. No, I mean, this is the second time I saw it. This movie does hold up. It's very prescient, obviously, super, which we'll get into like all the prescience of it. It takes place in this year, 2022.

That's what our year is, right? That is why we're doing it. Unfortunately, no escape 1994 is not on streaming. I don't, I'm not sure if the employment numbers are half. Half, half employment. I don't think there are currently 44 million people living in New York City either. That is to me, I mean, one of the craziest details of this movie is every time Heston is like in a building, mainly like his apartment building, and you are seeing people that just literally sleep on staircase. Yes, I love the staircase people.

It is ridiculous. But I think we're trying to go to like, we're doing dread here in a way, like they're mega cities because I believe at one. point they say that his police jurisdiction ends at Philadelphia well Jersey is part of New York maybe that sounds correct I mean I that's the other thing like again like we were talking about early we don't get enough

of what we would want to see here of what's actually like how this is broken down what has happened here but the problem with that though is like I think it's the fact that this movie was made in the early 70s I don't think it's a problem actually I actually like the sparse detail but like if this were like remade or made for the first

time today, you'd be getting the whole backstory of what went wrong. Longest scroll. Yes, totally. This would only work as a TV series now. You would have to get like three, you would get a half a season before the thing happened. It's 97

minutes, which makes it, and especially for a 70s movie, which can get a little bit languid. It does really move for that, but I do there's a couple of details I'm missing at the end of the movie that I kind want which will you know hit on as we get through the crammed in this in the uh like houses thing where like every house is just just people all over the floor all of his stairs that is some

specifically from the book which i read in college which is which is all about it's called make room make room uh it's it's all about like overpopulation essentially yeah right i read that the author had an issue with this film but ended up saying he liked 50% of it or something i i don't know the guy at all. I just, this was one of those books that I was handed in college. I was like, oh, that's pretty good. Um, and then I, actually, I watched this movie because of that. But like, that is, those

are details I really love about this movie. Yeah. Like, that image of him just having to like step over all these kids and oh yeah. It's like every staircase including like an outdoor one towards the end of the film. And I think that's a very interesting notion. Like it's a, it's

kind of like a little bit of step. Here's, here's a question. Is what's, the etiquette for if you're sleeping and someone stepping on you, like, but they live in the building? Do you just not really cause a fuss unless they step on your balls? Because you've got to clip a little bit of an arm, some arm fat for sure. I would give everyone a problem who stepped on me, but I would be going down those stairs with reckless abandon. Well, he does get shit from one guy at one point, like towards the end of the movie, he's running or trying to run down one

of the stairs and some guys like, Hey, why don't you step on me? But that's like the one guy. You know he's stepping on people left and right. I think he just gets used to it, dude. He's not even doing like, excuse me, sorry. Pardon me, bam. It's a risk of being a stair person.

And you know that when you sign up. You're just going to get like a giant callus over your belly from all this footsteps. Oh, yeah. You live in the world. You know what's up. And detective jerk isn't going to mind anything. Oh, my God. He's going to get you.

And the thing is the one thing I don't buy, It just is not believable to me. If I was in this situation, I would be going straight to the fucking suicide machine. Oh, my God. Before I put a pillow down on the fourth step. I would have a dollar bill taped to the fucking wall of that place. Like, do salad Johnny.

Keep on killing. I would be the fucking first customer at the suicide place. It almost feels like we take till the end of the movie to get to the suicide facility. and that almost feels like the twist. Wait, there was an exit the whole time. Yes, you're fools. You're fools. It's kind of why, because there's one point in the movie where they're like, oh, like, we get, you know,

the marketplace is, you know, flesh with a Soylent Green on Tuesdays. And like, there's a moment where like, you know, there's one scene where they run out of Soilent Green. Soilent Green is like the favorite of all the Soylent products. It's like the one that flies off the shelves the fastest. And there's a crazy freak out. Like there's old ladies like, they feel. fucking only gave me this amount.

Then like a huge like riot happens when some dudes like we're all out of Soylent Green. And the whole time all I could think about was like it's insane to me that this movie like the world of this movie does not have like an excess of Soylent Green because everybody should be running to this facility to be murdered. Yes.

Every last run of it. Also the population is so big that you'd think there'd be good nice turnover and deaths. But this does seem like Is this what Eric Adams wants? Like to get all the homeless off the street and just get them into like vestibules and fucking staircases. No, get them into fucking meat grinders at the factory and make them in. That's what he wants.

But, okay, maybe he does. But that's something I have a problem with this movie is it's not a meat grinder. It's a liquid bath of something. And I would prefer a meat grinder. I want an outright meat grind. I want a Simpson-esque meat grinder. I want them to throw them down into the blender. Well, that's the thing, too.

You don't see. You don't understand. And I mean, like, it's fine. because, again, like, most of this movie is just, like, sort of detective work, and obviously, when you know the twists, sorry, folks, but it's everybody knows a twist. When you know, the twist, kind of like, you know, it's, it's not plotting, but it's like, you know, it's a lot of that stuff.

Like, there's only a little bit of time with the knowing that it's actually people. We really keep that to the end. And you don't know whether is it, is it just suicide machine people going in here? Or is it, like, I was reading on, what I reread the scenario this morning on Wikipedia, it was like oh anyone who dies and the imprisoned and I'm like so wait because that's different because honestly like I think it's everyone that dies

I think anyone that dies because the guess what it is not even in the top 10 of this society's problems it really it really is it it's like if it's just people dying of natural causes and suicide machines and they're just turning them into food to keep people going

totally fine I say that because Joseph Cotton when he gets got in this movie yes he mentioned to the bodyguard and the furniture girl will get to that he's going to be going to a waste disposal. Oh, got it. So to me that reads Soilent and then it's also great that there's no funerals anymore and we're very detached from the whole

ritual of death. But then I have are you taken like if it's a murder victim? Are you taking the bullet out before you turn it into soil? That's good. You don't want to like take out buckshot from your silent pet. Oh, there's a bunch of fucking shotgun waste in my fucking in my little cracker this week. The book fucking takes place in 1999. You're telling me I'm going to be eating up so many

fucking mercury fillings. Just so many. I read that the book has, it's soiled stakes. So it's even more visceral. I'm not, I'm sorry, I read also it's not even in, the catabolism was made up for the movie.

Oh, really? The book was just about overpopulation. Yes. Wow. Oh, interesting. yeah because it's it's it's soybeans and lentils together is but the thing that doesn't make that it doesn't make because it's like when we see this the scene where the lady comes out is like I didn't get enough of my my my soiling green here yeah we see like it's a it's like this whole market and like there's soiling bread yes and there's like soiled buns and right and then there's just these cubes of soil it and I'm like what exactly is oh my God it's gluten free it's just seed crackers I guess I don't know I am oh I will take a soylent baconator please

well it's also a weird thing where there's different color things like there's definitely red yellow green and green is supposed to be the miracle food that's made out of ocean plankton yeah but it's just kind of funny to me

because I'm like if you eat a soilant red chip is that just like the same thing as a Soylent Green chip, but like barbecue flavor. And then yellow is like horseradish cheddar. That would be nice. Do you get me the yellow boys?

I'll take a big bag of those. My reading on it is it's just green. That's why everyone protests when it's out. Like that's the good shit. That's the shit that that has protein in it, I guess. Yeah, it's just like shredded plastic is like Soiling Red. It's just, that's it with salt.

That's just direct microplastics. Take out the middle. man. We're eating them already. Wait a second. You're eating soylent red dude. Those are just fucking coasters. You can only get that stuff a dollar tree. Damn. It's made out of poker chips and shit. Do you

think in this society they would make Four Loco with the caffeine in it legal again? Oh, definitely. All right, now the sea sauce tip in the other way a little bit. Maybe I don't want to go. Oh, really? Well, you would, if Four Loco went back

to original formula. You're suddenly not suicidal. Not quite as much. I'd be out of my mind drunk and I'd probably kill myself anyway. In another way. Once we're feasting on soggy human people all day. Soggy. God damn it. What's that happening? You know

what? I say legalize it all. Absolutely. Get like fentanyl lollipops. You can buy it a Bogdega. That shit is what you should just go all out at that point. You know what's funny is like if they did create like fentanyl lollipops, bodegas would find something

like sub fentanyl lollipop that was somehow even more dangerous You would get synthanol or something like that and then you would die immediately So I love how this movie To give you it to sort of like

Catch you up to speed On like the events of the entire 20th century This movie starts out like the intro to cheers It really does I fucking love it so much All the shots of like human progression, I guess industrialization into the point we are at now. It reminded me a little bit of the Road Warrior intro.

Obviously, that's built upon this and much better, but. Yeah, I can totally see that. But yeah, it's just like progress of the 20th century and how we've fucked ourselves for now. Sometimes you want to go wherever one's trying to eat your face. And they'll eat up your guts too. Hey, how's it going, Mr. Peterson? Good, Woody. Give me another bowl of coach.

Oh, man. Oh, that's what happened to poor coach. They made him into chili. Wow, this coach jelly's pretty good. I'm going to take some home to Vera. I have a pint of the single guy. A nice, a heady pint. Yeah, so, you know, whatever.

We meet. Detective Thorne. Oh, my God. God, I don't have a first name. I love his outfit for this detective in 2022, NYPD. He's got like a safari jacket and like a bandana just around his neck, Peter Bogdanovich style. And I guess because it's supposed to be the words also this movie is talking about climate change

and how it's like insanely hot all the time. They say it's a greenhouse gases, which is really pretty progressive at the time. So he looks really silly and stupid for New York, but like I get it, why they're doing it. I just wish I saw more of this fictional New York we're depicting I just kind of like the fashion honestly it's like your neckerchiefs I actually specifically with a neck like

Heston's I can really you can really play with it there I mean he's halfway between play with my neck I wish I had a good neck shift I would kill for a good neck like that but here's the thing though okay neckerchiefs and safari jackets aside what is with this Civil War

soldier hat he's wearing The whole movie. It just, you know, it shows that I'm, but I guess that's what maybe cops are wearing. I'm unclear on it as well. Who the hell knows?

Maybe the Keystone cops. Aren't the cops the only people out there though? Like it's barren streets. It's just so cheap. I think the movie's just so cheap. We have no, we can't do anything for, we can't do any like real design on these costumes.

Like later when we see riot police, it's literally a football helmet. I love it. That let me down big time. Where it's like, are you of riot duty? Here's a fucking 19. 73 fucking

Patriots helmet, Pageant Silver. Well, look, okay, first of all, clearly all professional sports have been dissolved. You got to do something with that equipment.

That's a good point. Just get the hockey masks. Just get all of them hockey masks at that point. Do it that way. It's, Jason's not quite here yet. But he's also got a hipster. I mean,

Hefton kind of has a hipster vibe with this whole thing. And he's living. He's living with Saul, who's Edward G. Robinson, the great age of his last role. Who is this older guy

that tells them all about how it used to be and then it's weird how every time he does that Heston's like, okay, boomer. We used to have grass on the field, see? Okay, boomer. He was, according to the math, he would be born in 1980 and he'd be 41 years old.

Oh, Heston? Yeah. So he's almost a contemporary of ours. We learned that Joseph Cotton's character was born in 1954, which is kind of funny. Wow. And, yes, I spend 400 Ds on a cup of coffee. That's what I do.

That's right. I'll never be able to buy my own house and have people sleep on the stairs. Well, you wouldn't believe it. Last night, Saul, I came upon an advertisement for margarine that we can jerk off to together. Just scattered on the sidewalk. I just found it. You see that? That's the mother giving the toast to the young son right there.

the cleavage there. Oh, we can have a time of it, Saul. That's a pretty mother there, see. I'm going to start whacking it, see. He's not talking like that. No, I know. Edward G. Robbins kind of got a, what do you call it there?

Billbo Baggins thing. Alan Ginsberg a little bit. Oh, I can see that. You need a way bigger beard, though. Yeah, the beard's pretty good. The beard's pretty nice. I don't think I'd ever seen him with facial hair. Steve, I think you mentioned the D's.

I love that. It's like, it's the future. So we instead of dollars to save, even though everything in the movie is pretty slow, we're going to save D's to move it along. Well, they couldn't have known about NFTs and Bitcoin. I mean, it was just too early on. Your imagination can only go so far. And I think the, the look he's going for here, it's somewhere between Mad Max and John Wayne and Hot Hattari. Ooh, yes.

It's got a waney feel. The costuming in Hattari, my mind definitely just jumped to it. I can see that. And actually, the hat would make more sense in Hattari, I think. Are they roommates because they're friends or is it a work scenario? Like, you have to have this dude live in your house if you're a detective. Like he's... Oh, he was like a police, he calls himself a police book at one point, Edward G. Robinson. So I guess he works some way with the department or used to. And the captain's like, we are going to replace him at some point and, you know, and what intestines is like, you can't do that. He's not ready for that. So it's kind of like,

a, I don't know. You get a research assistant. You get a research assistant when you're a cop in this world, I guess. Yeah. Well, I guess it's a thing where it's like, you know, they kind of double team a case, like Heston's out, like

work in the streets and like Edward G. Robinson's doing like research or something. But it is a weird thing where like in this society The state issues, you an old man. Well, it's a weird like you are issued people in various ways.

That's very true. He's like assigned to just like work with Heston and that's their, you know, living situations are terrible so like you make these two people live together. Then the really uncomfortable shit about like, you know, women in this apartment building who are just like assigned to a unit and

like the dude moves in and can decide like whether or not he wants you as this like weird uncomfortable concubine kind of thing. It's bizarre. Or you get like tossed to the next person. And we're calling them furniture. Literally furniture. Saying it to her face and she's

cool with it. Her name's Cheryl. She's kind of like a couch. That's a couch. That's an ottoman. That one over there's a chair, I'm pretty sure. That's a 24-year-old girl. Now next to the couch. Never seen furniture sit on furniture before.

Get off yourself. I'm going to change her cushions. This show is sponsored by Better Help. You know, my 20s, while being a lot of fun, a lot of the time, were pretty rough. I wasn't exactly rolling a dough. I lived at home until I was about 25, and for most of it, I didn't have this show or you lovely people in my life. I just kind of drifted around without direction and didn't know where to voice that. Then I started to get my crap together one piece at a time, and the last piece, which didn't come until my early 30s, was therapy.

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Visit BetterHelp.com slash WHM today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash W-H-M. This episode's brought you in part by Rocket Money, and they have this question for you. They handed to me just now, Mr. Rocket just handed me this. Do you know how much you? your subscriptions really cost? Most Americans think they pay around $80 a month on subscription services, but the actual total is closer to $200. If you don't know exactly how

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helps you manage all your finances in one place as well and categorizes everything. It's easy to keep track of the whole budget, even I can do it. I got rocks in my head. So find out. out what three million people have already done they've taken the rocket folks stop throwing the money away cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney dot com slash w hm that is rocket money dot com slash w hm once more rocketmoney dot com slash w hm which stands for we hate movies But yeah, so yeah, you're right. I think that Robinson lives is that function for him

and his kind of dilapidated, although really cool apartment. I kind of like this apart with the second bookshel. You know what it looks like? Here's what it is. You know what it looks exactly like Chris Cabin used to live in one. I had some friends that also lived in one down the street from where Chris Cabin lived in one. It looks like a converted, like an illegally converted Williamsburg loft.

Oh, 100%. You know what I mean? It's like, we built a staircase up to a. fake bedroom it's just a bunch of plywood on there like it's oh and like there's a bunch of books but there's no like bookshelf we're just stacking books like very

illegally converted Brooklyn loft let's listen to the music of my youth the Strokes quiet down Saul I'm putting on LCD sound system the strokes New York City cops is quite a fact

and now man I'm losing that Heston but it's come on sol we have to go to the farewell show for la savi farm i had the biggest crush on the pipettes i remember oh my god i once jerked off to a picture of karen oh l tigre hey hey my metro card oh oh my god my god my old Boldy Peaches t-shirt. I saw Juno in the theater. The funny thing is, though, like, I do,

and watching this movie special last night, again, it is very prescient. Obviously, it's not happening in 2022. But I do feel like I'm going to be Andrew and G. Robinson one of these days, right? Like, it's not kind of the realm of the possibility that I'm going to die the dilapidated fucking whole because society has gone to shit.

You'll definitely be. owned by the police department at some point. Yeah, 100% on that one. Yeah, you'll be hired to be some detective's research boy. I do love it. It's not, not given enough places. You know, we're just kind of learning about the world

and Heston has to go out. He only goes out at night, I guess, which is, I think, but what do you call it there? Edward G. Robinson has to pedal to make the electricity work. This contraption that he's on is quite something. Like, they're sitting there and like, you know, talking about, like, Heston's work in

one case and Edward G. Robinson's like trying to convince them. There's like a bunch of other stuff that they should be looking at. They're kind of a discussion about it. And then like the light bulb starts flickering in the apartment. It's oh my God. Well, guess what? I have to go out and do my rounds. So you fucking 80 year old man, get on this

exercise bike and you fucking like this apartment up. Start exercising. I want to listen to the radio tonight, Saul. I still have You have to charge my MP3 player The first song I put on it was the theme song

To The Sopranos I got myself a gun I got myself a gun Got several of them Sal Up in my basement He does He does fucking order Edward G. Robinson at one point it's kind of great

he's like have some soil it green and calm down. It's just like okay so is it like I don't know like CBD treats or something I do think I mean because he's not eating and I do think what's actually really nice about this movie is their relationship's very sweet and it's not actually

and it's like very fatherly you know but there's no I don't know like in other worlds you would you would be like nervous about this kind of like what's this arrangement like no they're just really good friends and it's very nice and also So, like, Edward G. Robinson died, like, 10 days after he filmed is dead. That scene.

So, like, it was a really, like, kind of a weird movie in that regard. When you learn that about this movie, you know, and so for folks who didn't know, like, Edward G. Robinson knew that he was dying of cancer when he signed on to this movie and he didn't tell anybody. And then, yeah, literally died 10 days after he wrapped the final scene of his career, which was also this character's death scene, which is in its own way a very, like, kind of beautiful notion I think personally but like it changes your

entire perspective about this movie that for the most part you can look at it as like yeah it's kind of just like a low tier 70s gross ass like meat and potato's sci-fi but like that fact about this motion picture gives it like a whole other level of importance I feel that scene specifically I mean like

I'd say the last 30 minutes of this movie really make this movie but like that scene specifically and like I do but I do like the idea of Richard Fleischer coming up to him during that scene. He'd be like, now Edward, I don't know how else I ask this. Would you

like us to do it for real? Dude, we could do it. We have the technology. I don't want to die on your movie, see. I'm not going to die in the back lot like Benji, see?

The one thing, The back lot, by the way, you just reminded me of something that's another kind of key fact for all this. Like, yeah, the lot that they were on, it looks like shit because it was shit. This was like, it was the final film that was produced on this particular back lot. And it was like literally falling down while they were using it. So it's a weird, like, it's kind of funny, but also you think about it, it's like, wow, how effective for this movie that you got this piece of shit back? It probably didn't have to do too much to dress it up to look crappy. That's great, actually.

But I would just kill for just a fake establishing shot or just like a big old funky mat painting of what the city looks like now. That's a wild thing. You know, just we don't get a single, we don't get a single mat shot at all establishing what the city looks like. I think there's a, there's a scene, I think when he's like crossed, like towards the end of the movie where he's getting back to the Chelsea West Tower. I think it crosses some like L.A. river looking thing. And I think we do see some type of mad painting of a cityscape of sort.

But I really just need. I just wanted more. You know, I just wanted more. Yeah, totally. You can put that in the we didn't start the fire intro you did. Take that out. Yes. Yes. Yes. And put in just like some stupid painting of what this might look

like. And I think, you know, I think setting in New York might, I understand the reason because it's like a the big city in America or whatever. But I feel like if this was just like, it's L.A., I'd be more forgiving on it because I, because I don't know. Well, that's the thing, right? Like, the streets are kind of a little too wide.

Stuff's a little too open. It was all shot like in California, I imagine. I believe like an oil refinery in California is the, the, the, the, the, the, the sulent green plant at the end. Yeah, it's all just like a California shooting and then we're just saying New York. But I think it's, I mean, it's the idea at least, I mean, obviously we don't but it's about it's trading it on the everyone's worst fears like being in new york and it's overcrowded kind of thing that's true and in 73 you know they'll they'll fucking

eat your baby on the street exactly so he goes to chelsea towers because jose well just first of all we meet joseph cotton and hell yeah and his furniture sure i know i was like oh look that's his wife oh wait she's okay she's furniture great what a fucking future i always made my hammock sure he buys her a video game which is cool apparently this is the first video game shown in a movie or maybe the first video game showed in a movie this you know I was reading that this game computer space was

a early product of the same company that would go on to make Pong well that makes sense which is kind of neat and I love I mean I don't think the console part of this was real but I love this sleek-ass white console thing. Looks like something out of Wally, honestly.

No, yeah, we don't know what was wrong with computer space. It just didn't take off. But boy, when Pong took off, it was just, the stars aligned, you know, you couldn't walk down the street anymore. Me and Sylvester, we just get pointed out.

We get laid all the time. It was incredible. You say that the Pong guys, they got to get laid. So they'd bat our balls around. Get those Pung guys. I love that it's Sheryl, by the way. We can't just put the Lee on the end of there.

Yeah, it's more future. Yeah, that's true. And this is the actor's Lee Taylor Young, did not do a ton. Joseph Cotton, of course, legendary actor. Yes. Chuck Connors plays the bodyguard tab fielding. So we're having fun with dumb names a little bit, just a little bit. The face on Chuck Connors, man.

Holy macaroni. It's just, you don't see him like that anymore. I miss that. Just a big rock-faced Easter Island looking motherfucker. Love it. No, we don't. And you know what I think? American Frankenstein.

I think that has a lot to do with the fact that we encourage, you know, mothers carrying children to not smoke anymore. I think you get a lot of these like chiseled hard apple looking dudes. You could like fucking cut a steak. on this guy's face. Like, you just don't get it anymore. And I think it's because we're stopping smoking. You're right.

You know what? No plans as of now, but if my wife gets pregnant, we're forcing cigarettes. Absolutely. Totally. From birth. The whole thing. You're going to Chuck Connors. I need a Biff, hard apple little guy to, like, I don't know, clear the brush.

What's the point of having a child at this point if they're not going to grow up to have a face that you couldn't take directly off of Mount Rush more? the thing about Joseph Cotton being in this movie is that I love Joseph Cotton whenever he shows up in anything and I truly don't give a flying fuck about Charlton Heston

so the fact that like Cotton literally has like one scene of this movie and then is bludgeon to death I was like oh that's a true bummer man but he's playing Mr. Simonson as you hear Charlton Heston say a ton in this movie

and like he's He's, he's, like, sad. So his girlfriend, they are more boyfriend and girlfriend, you know what I mean? Like, even though that's the arrangement. Right. She's going to go down and get him a nice,

some nice dinner from the food pantry, which this building has with, and she has to take the bodyguard with her. Yes. And in the meantime, while that's going on, she's doing the shopping, this dude who, I don't know that we get the name in the movie,

but IMDB was crediting him as Gilbert. Sure. This guy breaks into the apartment. and yeah like he just murders this guy there's a little bit of like you know the company can't risk catastrophe they say and you know Joseph Cotton's like it's not right but it's necessary to have me killed

I don't understand what's going on here like is Joseph Cotton was he going to blow the lid off the whole thing I think so I think he the ocean those oceanography books that they find later I think he was he was the guy who had figured that out. And he confessed to the priest. The priest knew. Oh, that's the confession. So they found out

he did tell someone. Even though the priest never gives it up to Heston, even though everyone, you know, the writing's kind of the wall at that point. Yes. Yeah. It's kind of cool because I love this thing where, like, this mysterious guy who never gets paid off. This guy in sunglasses gives him this bizarre, the assassin, this bizarre crowbar thing. And he has to scale the wall with it, which is kind cool and then he wants him killing him with it which is also fun. Yeah. Joseph Cotton's just like, smash my brains in already. Yeah, dude, he's ready to

fucking go to hell tonight, man. I will tell you what. Because, you know, I don't want to take a, you know, a cab all the way down to the suicide factory. Oh, that's a good point. No. Just might as well bash him in right here. No, who wants to go to Kvorkin Memorial? Nobody. And then, like, but like, I do

kind of, it's weird that he puts up no fight. Like, all right, fine. stick that thing in my brain go ahead just stick the edge of that thing right into my skull it's corporate like conspiracy he knows how big this he knows he can't ever fight you know the house always wins kind of thing you know what i would be i would get a meeting together like look i we're all we're all going to die because of this secret we have together i swear to you now here are poison pills for all of you and just crack the fucking thing open on your teeth you know when time comes or I'm going to send the crowbar guy after you.

It's either this or crowbar. I mean, my God, you're totally right. Let me just, like, crack a filling and have the lights go out. Not be bludgeoned by this guy, man. But, I mean, again, you've got the suicide booth up the street is so nice. Honestly, and that's the one thing about this movie that doesn't make any sense. America would never create something so lovely forever. No, absolutely not.

No, absolutely not. You'd fucking go into one of these things, and it would be a goddamn, infomercial or some shit. It's the Futurama. The Futurama had it right. It's a booth. It's a little booth that you step into. It takes 10 seconds and then your body goes down below. That's how it works.

Well, isn't that kind of the little device that, yeah, the pod that that fucking wasn't some like Swedish dude's been Yeah, cooking up. Yeah. I, you know, I don't know for sure, but it does look like a beautiful little it kind of does look like the Futurama

idea because what it's like a phone booth for them. Yeah. Yeah. Like this this thing, I think it was a Swedish guy. Like you lay down in it or whatever and I don't know what it did. Put some gas in there. Yeah, you just go to sleep forever, which sounds lovely. Just everybody

wake because one of these days we're going to have a wave of, you know, everybody's reclaims figures. When Jack of working starts getting reclaimed by everybody, watch out because those fucking suicide boots are going to be everywhere. And yeah, that's good news for a lot of people but also bad news for society.

I never really, I never had a problem with Kvorkin. Even as a young child watching the news about it, I'm like, why not? He seems fine. In general, once he becomes a hero, that's when I'm like, oh, he is kind of a hero in my mind. Okay. It always made sense to me, man. It always 100% made sense to me with that guy. Yeah, a little bit of dignity.

Nothing wrong with that. Do I have to ship my grampy rompers by, you know what I mean? Or can I walk down and, you know, visit the good doctor? But then, yeah, can you go? like flip a switch and your lights are out or you live long enough to be like Charlton Heston, you're shit in your pants all the time. Yeah, but Chris is against this. He wants the

meat grinder only, right? And just jump into a meat grinder. Or you get a meat grinder is nice. You get somebody like me who sees a guy with sharp, sharp insiders like, oh fuck a vampire. I'm in a horror movie. Better kill myself, but I'm an idiot. And now I've done it and I can't take it back. You see. You know, Darwin thinning the herd.

That's a good place to go with it. Yeah, I don't know, Steve. That kind of sounds like a you problem. Yeah, I guess so. Oh, no, a vampire. Better kill myself. Absolutely. I don't need that shit.

Now, wait a second. In this situation, Steve, the vampire isn't even pursuing you. You just, you just saw a vampire on this team. You're like, that's it. He's already telling the convoyant guys, his favorite color is orange and his favorite music is stained. Yeah, but that's a bit. I'm afraid to be alone.

What a horrible way to go, man. Can you imagine you're about to be fucking, you're checking out dude at the hotel earth. And you just hear Aaron Lewis in the ear. Aaron Lewis and acoustic nickel back just fucking. It's all night long. That's true. Aaron Lewis,

he's telling you how the vaccine doesn't work. Well, that's the thing is you'd be laying back, you see, and you just choke on your own vomit. Oh, totally. Easy way to go. But so she goes out of the pantry,

she gets a steak of some kind or a big slab of beef and like three sprigs of lettuce. Slip pickings downstairs. But no, that's great for the rich. I mean, this beef piece. Oh, my lord. You know, we don't have this for just anyone.

You know? That's true. Only the best furniture and Joseph Cotton's in this building get that. Well, that's what's kind of interesting about the movie. And I think the movie does a good job with it,

but it doesn't do a great job with it. It's like almost there, which is like, the whole point is like these pigs shouldn't live like this. so that everybody could live with some fucking dignity. You know what I mean? But they never get there exactly. They don't. Well, because the decadence is not as, like, ramped up as it should be.

Like, I feel like you're living in these Chelsea West towers with Joseph Cotton. You know, you're at that level. There isn't a food pantry. You've got a stocked fridge, right? The fact that she gets a couple of leaves of lettuce and then this, like, tiny cut of meat or whatever, and, like, a bottle of booze, I think, or the booze is. maybe already in the apartment, but, like, it should just be a feast. Like, it should be a real, real, like, kind of fat cat.

You know what I was thinking it should have been more like is, oh, Romero's Land of the Dead, where Dennis Hopper is, like, way up in the tower, and it's, like, total decadence, and, like, they live above the wretches of the city, sort of a situation. Right, yeah. I thought you were going to say, hook. That's a feast. You know, I think it's like, we're, they should do that instead.

it would really drive that point home. But instead, I feel like they're going for, like, you know, the rich of this society are living like, you folks in the audience, you yuppies in 1973. Well, I mean, the problem is also like, yeah, we can't get out. We're focused completely on the murder mystery of what happened with Joseph Cotton, even though we, the audience, already know. Yes. So that becomes a central focus of it.

So you can't build out of like what this world is actually, what's going on in this world. That's true. It would be maybe more effective if we didn't see that scene, although it's a good scene because someone gets their head bashed. Yeah, I love a good head bashing. That's the thing. It's like, I love the head bashing aspect, but yeah, maybe we'd work better as a detective story if I wasn't spelled out, whatever, you know, happened already.

Here's the thing, though, what's an interesting contemporary example where it is a detective story, but you do get a feel for the world is the Batman. Right? Like the murder of the mayor At the start of the movie Is pretty rad. But you know that the Riddler did it And it is a detective thing

But also like You totally feel the Matt Reeves Gotham Like vision, absolutely. But I think the difference is that The Riddler is active Where this thing is not. You know what I mean? Yes, that's true.

That's true. One murder and flat. You know what I mean? If we're going through the whole board maybe, you know what I mean? Really different apartments. It would be like, oh, interesting. You know, whatever.

Heston should have just kept his nose down you know, like, come on, dude, just move along. I love this scene where he shows up and because he's, you know, it's a murder. He gets called, he meets the Doctor Who creepy doorman, Charles, this dude. I don't know what this freak. This guy sucks. This is like later on when there's, he breaks up a furniture party later on. So he's kind of like, he basically is like the super of the building slash like the pimp, I guess.

That sounds right. Yep. very weird i do love like heston like is looking at the crime scene or whatever and he says to shirle i think he says it's like occupation and she just goes rich i was like yeah definitely

uh but then he's like all right mr buddy he calls this guy all right mr buddy guard what did you go outside and write me a statement while i rob this dude fucking oh yeah i like the detail that he asks if he knows how to like read him right before he has to that statement. So it's interesting to see

that they predicted the education system quite correctly for 2022. Yeah, no, exactly. Like, oh, you're just going to be bred to be like some you know, Dick Hard Apple fucking assassin guy. Well, you don't know, you might not need to know how to read and write.

That would be the funny that would be a perfect way to do the Heston fucking Robinson relationship. Robinson is the only one who knows how to read and write. Oh, that would be great. And Heston's like the muscle. Oh, my God, I can't

read. My teachers thought English language was grooming. Point me at what you want me to beat up. They can't ask notes about my gender if I can't read. It's

easier this way. I won't be so confused or groomed now that I'm totally illiterate. Wasn't it great when Ron DeSantis was turned into Soylent Green I hope I ate a little bit of him

Just a little bit I think the other thing too About Heston telling this dude To go outside and write the statement Is so he can secretly bathe in this sink Because like The second the dude leaves the apartment He's like, I'm going to wash my face

And oh my God, it's beautiful Oh ye god, hold on So there's a running faucet Ooh booze Oh ye gods Functional Porn Hub. Holy shit. I am locking the door. Oh my God. I haven't seen a

porn hub in year. Is that? It can't be. Toilet paper? Oh, thank you God. Looks like my hand can get the night off. He loves the soap, too. And I just love the shots of him just like sniffing that bar of soap.

Oh, dude, he's huffing it. And I was like, does it smell like that woman's arm pit or something? Like, what do you do it? Oh, a cake to show. He gets the booze. I mean, he starts filling up a pillowcase, which I fucking love. I love that. This soap smells like Joseph Cotton's balls.

Oh, it's Cotton Ball. Oh, yeah. I'll smell like fancy balls tonight. I wish she was alive so I could stick those cotton balls in my ear. All right. I'll have to tell the Forensics team. No, that's my semen. Don't worry.

That happened well after he was dead and had nothing to do with him being dead. Again, it was just the porn hub. That's my semen. My blood, my blood, my semen. His blood is over there. Those are my teeth marks on that sandwich. It was all involuntary, you understand.

Once I saw the porn hub, I went to a feral state. I exploded in blood and come. But he does, he directs, because like, like, coroner type people come in. And this is where we learned the fate of Joseph Cottenier. He's like, Simonson, murder, dispose. And then Cheryl asks, like, what's going to happen to him? And he tells her that he's going to be driven outside the city to a waste disposal plant.

So, yeah, he's getting ground up just like the rest of the farm up state. Yeah, exactly. The corner guy's like, oh, I want my cut of this action too or whatever. I love this fat guy. This Wagner, the fat corner. Like, he's like, now, listen, you're going to give me some money because I know you're going to rob this place blind. So just make it, make peace with it now, 50 bucks.

See you later. Looks like you're going to get a big slab of beef or something. I want some D's out of this thing, dude. What if you is my D? How about that fat guy? If you want some D's show bad, I've got a D I can give you. Put your damn dirty paws on my cock. They smell sweet now because I have the rich man's soap, you see.

So get down there and sniff. Enjoy touching my weener because I bathed with the same soap that covered Joseph Cotton's balls. He also takes from this apartment two volumes of what we're told is the Soylent Oceanographic Survey Report 2015 to 2019. Mm-hmm. which is pretty cool and you know he makes a move he like lays the groundwork with Cheryl a little bit

like kind of a I might be back at some point just letting you know yeah he's asking like what the deal is because like the contract is up and whatever and she's like well I stay here until the next tenant comes and if he doesn't want me then I get moved around or whatever and he's like oh

good so I know where you'll be dude cut to the best week of Cheryl's fucking life man just living it up at this place Well, that's why I think later, like when, you know, Heston does come back to this apartment and there's all the other women there, it's like, look, my fucking dude died. Everybody come up and hang out. Get away from your dude and come up and hang out. Well, that's a question I have is when you show an apartment, do you get to have sex with the furniture to try it out? I don't know. That's a good question. I don't think when you show it, because like later on she has to like, I think you buy the apartment, there's a, you find out there's a two-year waiting list, you know. so these things these things are high in combat i don't and that's sort of interesting when you meet the guy later with the two-year waiting list i'm kind of curious with like uh what that where does that guy live like you know what's underneath this level because obviously like wherever

uh heston's like 15 levels below and then obviously uh stairway sleepers 10 levels below heston you know what i mean like i just am curious where everybody sort of fits that's a ranch out in the suburbs that's that mid level And I have to marry a woman, not a piece of furniture, God damn it. Well, I mean, maybe that's a thing, Steve, right? Like, maybe this dude is at a similar level real estate-wise, but, like, this Chelsea Tower's West is just like one of the quote-unquote furniture buildings. So maybe he's trying to get into a furniture building because he, a rich guy, is, to his

mind, unfortunately, living in a non-furniture building, you know what I mean? Oh, I see what you're saying. Don't have to share a join a cat with a piece of. furniture that son of he's living he's living in a nice one bedroom it's in a story though it's a little far

from the city it's kind of a drag oh my god you live in the outer boroughs gross good Greek food out there though and by that I mean Greek men

ground up into crackers as they should be oh I'm kidding you guys gyro a good one you're using that as a verb I like it those are good little meat wraps

you know you hunky Greek guys I want to put on a sandwich they so like that's kind of thing he goes back to Saul and he's like look at all this shit I got oh man I got some pencils I've got some Gagnac

it's going to be a great fucking time Saul I love that Edward G. Robinson is so stoked about this booze. He's like a kid on Christmas morning, man. It's pretty fucking great. Here's the question. You've got one bottle of booze, you know, between the two of you, is

the move to have little sips each day or just get hammered at one night? Absolutely. I, I, I, I read, the portioning, absolutely not. You are a block away from the suicide machine. Yeah. You enjoy your night. You do whatever you want for your night. You do that.

But then, you know, the suicide machine, again, you wake up, it's going to be right there, baby. I think he ain't moving anywhere. The answer for the bottle question is how I treat a bottle, where I get hammered for the first two nights because, oh, my God, I got a bottle. And then I kind of ration it out. But then when I see it's getting low,

I'm just like, we better get one more hammer in. Might as well finish it now. Adding little bits of water to it just to make yourself believe that you're not, it's not as bad as your first thought. Oh, you don't want to do that, though. Then you just ruin the bottle. I know. But while Edward G is drooling over this bottle of booze, Heston goes to the police station.

This is where we meet Brock Peters as Chief Hatcher. Love seeing Brock Peters in a movie. Yes. Admiral Cartwright from Star Trek. Yes. That's, holy shit. That's right. Of course.

Also from... Tickle-Mockenbird also. He's the... Oh, yeah. That's right. Man, I totally forgot that. I wonder if this guy got fucking frayed at. probably those pieces of shit at the Oscars.

They always do it. Yeah. I mean, I bet they did. I bet they fucking did. When did he pass away? I mean, I know he's dead. Okay, I'm looking at 2005. 2005. So was that the year of crash?

The winner is crash. I think you're right. Yeah. I like to see it. It's cool him trying to fix his watch while we're talking about stuff. Yeah. Pretty badass.

I mean, the thing that Heston, is peddling here though is he believes that Joseph Cotton was like assassinated like targeted and assassinated and the story that like the rest of the investigators

or whoever want to go with is that it was like a break in and he was murdered Yeah, because it's like hey aren't you, is it aware that he got broken in and murdered? Like no I don't know. Remember how he got, it was a break in and he got murdered?

But then I also think Heston's trying to just be like, kind of want to go back to that apartment for more evidence, if you know what I mean. Oh, this case is not closed, not by a country mile. Might be more evidence inside that furniture. Oh, no, there's more meat on the bone back there. Time to go a picking. They found evidence interject.

You know, I didn't even play that video game. I think they have Mario Odyssey. on that. God, it's been forever, since I've done Mario Odyssey. You could play as the hat, you know. I haven't been a hat in years.

Well, that's also the weird thing. I think Heston is, you know, he's Heston in this, and that's great. But I think there's something missing. His relationship with Robinson, again, this is nice. But it's very weird because, like, Robinson will be like, hey, do you remember, I remember

what you could buy food, where you could do, like, so Robbins had lived through functional society, and he's just 80s, and for some reason, Heston is only, only 30 years younger and doesn't remember anything. Like, he needs to be much younger, I think. If this is like a James Kahn type, a 30-year-old James Kahn, then I'm like, that's a big enough gulf where, like,

he didn't see society crumble, he lived only in crumbled society. That makes sense. If he was born in 1980, I guess we're trying to say by the 90s, society where it's fallen apart because the book was also set 99, even though this is

quite further. I don't know. I'm trying to rationalize it. It's fine. It's just, I just think that I think that there, I mean, Heston's just not young in this movie. I think if he was younger, it would be helpful. By the time counting crows was

on the top of 10, society had ended. It's a, I feel like you, I agree with you, Steve. I think it's such an easy fix where it's like, you just split the difference. He only kind of remembers some things. You could make the argument that he was like, you know, 10 or something when society really started shit in the bed.

And then it's like, I kind of remember something. You know what I mean? Was there a McDonald's? I remember that being a lot of fun. A Popeye's chicken, perhaps. I don't remember. I mean, it would be a lot easier. I think the problem is really just Heston.

Yeah, yeah. The planet of the apes really benefits from the fact that he's the only human. Like, you can't really compare him to other humans and being like. It just seems normal because he's the only one not dressed up like an ape. That's so that kind of makes that work. Whereas you have Edward G. fucking Robinson and Joseph Cotton, perhaps two of the best actors to ever live matching up against you as the main actors in this. And he just looks weird and still. I think that this, like, I think what you're just saying there, Chris, was what I was noticing and last night watching this and why, because I saw this once like in college, do not remember it really. So it felt like a first watch. But like, I don't know. It just, and I said this at the top. I've never ever given his shit about Charlton Heston. Admittedly, also I haven't seen a ton of his movies, but like I've never gotten what I feel a lot of other people claim he had.

I think he's got a magnetism to him. He's got a swag or two. He's interesting to watch. I mean, I guess like in Planet of the Apes, you know, bright eyes they call. I mean, because he does have, he's got a flicker there. It's sexy. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, I do need to watch more of his performances as well because it's not like I'm, you know,

queuing up Ben Hur all the time. Yeah. I honestly think his best work is in Bowling for Columbine. Walked away from Michael Moore. Just him getting like all agitated. in a show, like, that's the most emotion I've seen come out of Charlton Heston legitimately in his whole career.

I mean, that's the thing, right? It's like, we're doing stupid voices here. And, like, people who have better Charlton Hessan impressions like Phil Hartman had, for example, like, the stilted nature of it, like, is a real thing. And so I just, I never have understood, like, I mean, I guess the magnetism from a physical sense, but, like, him acting and, like, saying lines,

I don't know, I think it's a certain. Yeah, I was about to say that. It's like, if Shatner was in shape and was tall enough to be a real leading man. Yeah. It's a really good point. That's a good connection. Yeah, yeah. So maybe it's just something like hopelessly underwatch, but just like literally

everything that I've seen him in, I'm like, I don't get it with this too. I love him in Tombstone for five minutes. Does everybody remember that part? We're like, not at all. Tombstone pretty much stops dead and then Charlton Heston's like, well, old Toonstone boys, I'll give you some food for the night. And like, it's just, it kind of rules. Can I give you boys more guns? It looks like you only

have seven each. I can get you more guns. Oh, and when hell is coming with you, that'll be fun, won't it, Kurt Russell? He's great and true lies. Yes. We have his brief role of like running the spy agency. Nick Fury. He's literally

Nick Fury. Yeah, no, for sure. He's even got the eye patch. Um, fuck, what was that one movie? Touch of Evil. He's, uh, oh yeah. So, yeah. He's, he's, He's good, but it's, you know, obviously. That is the definition of a problematic fave for me. I love, love, love that movie.

It is a grimy, gross, fucking nasty-ass mean movie. But for those who are not aware, Charlton Heston, 100% in brown face playing a Mexican character. Yeah. And you're like, and dude, like I bought that Keno 4K too. You are looking right into the heart of the devil with that fucking makeup, man. It is insane. It just comes through even worse, you know, than like watching it on like, you know,

VHS tape or something. I could not, could not look away. What's funny is like last month on the Nexus, we were criticizing, you know, 1968 use of Brownface for the Native Americans in that one episode. Oh, I know. And it's, well, I'm just saying like, at least this is 10 years before that. Oh, no, but he's, Charlton Heston is a movie. Is it a movie playing a Native American once?

Oh, shit. It is called Savage, ladies and gentlemen. Sorry. What was that, 1976? 1999. No. No, what you? 1952.

He plays. Well, he plays a white boy raised by the Sioux who must choose sides when the Sue threatened to go to war against the white. That's not too bad. Yeah. Well, that's sort of like worse dances with wolves. It still feels like iodine in the cut. I'm going to tell you.

Here, I'm post a little post picture here. I'm sure it's a fucking minefield cab. And you know, I haven't seen, you know. Oh, yikes. Oh, I'm going to check it. Oh, yep, yep, that's not good. No, no, nothing's good. You don't want that.

Holy fucking shit. You know, before society collapsed, I could be in movies like Savage. And you look, I haven't seen it forever, the Ten Commandments. I remember thinking is good, but that's like Yol Brenner kind of carrying. Oh, by the way, Edward G. Robinson as well is in that. Yeah, there are buds apparently. In the Ten Commandments. Yeah,

yeah. And you know, yeah, these are my rules. When you're playing like Moses, I can see it being, you know, like, oh, he's stilted because God's talking to. Exactly. It's so big. I mean, it makes sense that he's like these big, big characters in the way he's doing it. And I think that like here he has some vulnerability, you know what I think more vulnerability than you see

in other stuff. You know what I mean? Like, you would out of the apes like you know he like when he's like he really like is enjoying being in this dude's apartment and fucking sitting on his couch you know yeah i i get that but it's also this is also him essentially uh charlton heston in blank check like it's it's just like him being like oh yes a shower and a sex with an ottoman i can't wait this is going to be fantastic objection chris it's more like taking care of business a touch you know i'm sorry i apologize oh yeah i was like At what point is Charlton Heston a little kid on a bouncy castle? Dude, the bouncy castle.

Oh, my God. It's my birthday. Happy birthday to me. Well, now I'm just thinking, oh, man, what a better movie. Big, but it's Charlton Heston instead of Tom Hanks. Oh, shit. I work at a toy company. Oh, now I'm even significantly older than Robert Loja himself.

Better movie, because then we can get, like, grand. campy ladies like having sex for them and then like he goes back into being a 10 year old boy or whatever here's the thing dude it's it's big like the Tom Hanks movie right and then sequel called too big in where a kid

gets too old and he's like well now my dick don't work at all I like that a lot where a kid has to deal with erectile dysfunction which actually affects many men a kid just trying to seduce Jessica Tandy.

Question about Joseph Cotton's arrangement because he said he's up there. Is there soil and Cialis in this society? Probably, right? Yeah. I think I put it in the tap water like fucking fluoride. I mean, so like there's a nice scene with Edward G. Robinson. They actually like, the weird thing is like,

you know, Edward G. Robinson makes this, or I think actually Charltoneson makes the meal. And like they sit down. They're like, eat some lettuce. By the way, if you're cooking beef in this apartment, you better fucking padlocked that door. Oh, my dude, I thought the same thing. I thought the same fucking thing. They're gonna be banging down the door.

It'd be night of the living dead. They'd rip the shit out of it. You know what I mean? Like, there shouldn't be a thing like Charlton Esten or a Robinson is like warming up the frying pan or something. And Charlton Esson is literally hammering boards over the door. You know, they try to do with like the whole teaming masses thing at the market later on when they have to get the dump trucks to clear them out.

But, like, I feel like we needed more of that in some way that actually felt like the protagonists were threatened. Oh, yeah, you want some more nuance in the actual action of the movie. And, like, but, like, I think the note here is like, that's why the steak wasn't just cooked as a steak and is turned into what I can only refer to as hobo stew. Oh, it's hobo stew. Why, Chris? And I know, you know what I mean? Like, you've got this beautiful cut of meat. You're only going to eat it once.

You can't refrigerate it or whatever. Like cut up a nice steak Enjoy yourself No you have to bathe it in garbage juice And then cut up the celery and carrots Into the garbage juice That masks the beef smell And then you eat it all

Yeah because I mean I've lived in bad neighborhoods Dude you fucking get a new TV You do not fucking put that in during the daytime That's for sure Yeah Not a smart move You do that with you come walk around This beef smell? I don't think so

Oh yeah So there's a moment a little later on, Heston goes to Tab's apartment, the bodyguard and he goes there and he, Tab is on home, but he meets Martha. Tab's, quote unquote,

furniture. Why did you say that name? Why did you say that name? Martha is my Ottoman's name. Oh, man. Yeah. So then he's like going through this dude's apartment when he's not, home. Is that where we're at? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Paula Kelly is Martha, by the way. She's good in this movie. She is good in this. He's like, oh my God, an in unit incinerator. Haven't seen one of those in years. Which is like, I just love that being a feature. Like those were never things, right? Or we're just trying to predict the feature? No, we, I mean,

I had an in unit, not an in unit on the floor there was an, you know, a shoot, an incinerator shoot. You have those. My building, yeah. You don't have. So maybe this drawer was a shoot then. Oh, maybe.

Because it looks like a, yeah, it looks like a, like a dumb waiter. A vault or something. Like you'd think you'd there be money in it or whatever. A safe. That's what they call them. I mean, Eric, the thing is, this guy is, we're going to find out very soon. He's killing a bunch of people. He's high up in this organization.

That's true. He's got a lot of evidence he's got to get rid of. Yeah. So it would, it would behoove you to have something like that. That's true. That's true. be able to throw it in there. And also

business expense. Also maybe hide your fancy strawberry jam. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Keep it in the fucking vault. Oh my God. That costs at least a 250 D's. I mean,

here's the question, dude, about the D's. Is it worth fucking a rock monster for that jar of strawberries? I guess it is, right? Yeah, probably. 100%.

Yeah. Chuck Connors. Good, good strawberries. I'd be doing it. I was, dude, I was picturing like someone letting Ben Grim go to town on them.

I mean, this dude, you know, Chuck Connors has been so many westerns, he could he could fuck right, I think. Speaking of fucking, there's a great exchange right here because like Heston you know, it's all the info that he needs and she goes, Martha, that is,

she goes, I should have offered you something, Mr. Thorne, like, you know, she kind of was like touching her bathrobe or whatever and he goes, if I had time, I would have asked for it. Oh, Man, I would have given it to you good, madam. Now, I have to ask this, are you, I'm really sorry, I just learned about this.

Are you a woman or furniture? I get confused. I've been all around this city. I don't know the difference. Well, that's the weird thing. I mean, furniture seems like a slur. You know what I mean? They probably have a real title, which is like, you know, like in, in-house consultant or something like that.

That's what they call themselves. Right. And you're like, you call your mom, you're like, yeah, I'm an in-house consultant. She's like, oh, that's great. Look at that fucking furniture. It's like, dude, relax with that. Like in the 1970s, we're so misogynistic anyway.

We're like, well, one day, these objects that are women will just be objects, of course. It is an incredible moment, like, towards the end of the film. It's the last time that Cheryl sees him. And he's like, all right. well talk to you later furniture and she's like please don't call me that I don't like when you call me that

and it's crazy because he's like I'm all right because he goes back he goes back and this is when he starts up with her like you know this is the party scene she got all of her other female friends there and this dude I think Heston comes in

and he's just like it's kind of the greatest part does he picks him a cigarette and he goes oh my god a cigarette. Oh, I can see. You know, if I had the money, it's like a 70s joke. It's like a joke for a 70s audience. He smokes the cigarette and he goes, if I had the money, I'd

smoke two or three of those a day. And I know what in the 70s is smack in their knee because you're smoking 40 a day. You're smoking packs, two to three packs in eggs. Exactly. It's an awesome, awesome moment though, like Charlton Heston walking into this party, like

you know, because he takes the cigarette, he steals a drink from another woman. The whole time he's like pseudo-smusing here, there is some grade A porno music on the score, like some hardcore 1970s fuck flick orchestration.

I love it. I love it. By the way, just real quick that we find out by now that that Santini, that damn Italian governor, is involved in this conspiracy and he forces he forces

G. Robinson there to lick his spoon that he stole from oh yeah well i just force him he's like it's a it's a disgusting dude it's just like here's this pocket by pocket spoon that i mean you might as well just lick his jeans at that that's that's my beef with it is like he didn't find some saran wrap yeah and put that over the spoon

he just puts it in like the breast pocket of his jacket like you're getting jam in that jacket pocket man i don't care who you are. Oh, Saul, you're like a father to be here. Lick some jelly out of my jacket pocket. I want to treat you so well, Saul, I've got loose jelly in my pocket.

I mean, I know you want your surrogate father to eat your strawberry or whatever. But just enjoy it yourself. And you can tell them later. It was really good. Would you like some of this jelly and lint? It's very good together.

Look, Saul, it's your favorite jacket jelly. You could pick the Kleenex off of it. Oh. But so like he takes Sherlin to another room. He's questioning her some more. And then they get down to fucking. They just get down to fucking.

Oh yeah. Of course. Yeah. I love you catch this fucking huge fuzzy egg chair that Charlton Heston's sitting in while this woman's taking her clothes off. Fuck. I for like, and I wouldn't do this because like used furniture. in general, definitely not. And where you'd have to go to get

this, definitely not. But for a split second, I was like, I wonder if they got those cool fuzzy egg chairs on eBay. They also have a David Cronenberg shower chamber. Dude. Oh, yes. They end up fucking in it. Because he's seduced by

hot showers and stuff and he hasn't had like a real bath and forever. So I guess Edward G. Robinson's just like sponge bathing him or something. This is definitely the one where I would have been, you know, I don't need necessarily all the other stuff he's stealing. The hot shower would get me to definitely hang out in a corpse's bedroom. Oh, big time.

Oh, yeah. Of course. I do that now. If you want to talk about from my cold dead hands, that's me out of this apartment. Honestly, it's like, I'm going to just do this. I'm going to squat here until a SWAT team removes me. Tenets rights. There's a hot shower air conditioning, a pretty attractive lady. video games. This is my last

because here's the thing. Like you live it up as much as you can, right? And it's like come and fucking take it, right? And then the worst thing that happens to you after, you know, days, maybe a couple weeks of, you know, jam, video games, ladies, booze, right? You just go to the fucking sweet, sweet suicide machine. It's fucking true. It's true. It's kind of awesome. You're not going to, like, how long do you want to live for Charleston? I'm looking for the last week of my life and this looks like a good

good one. So like as they're getting ready to get down to fucking and everything, Shirl's telling him about, you know, like remembering all these people that Simonson had dropped by the apartment, including Santini. So you start figuring out that, you know, he was up to some sticky shit here. As she says stuff like, oh, Simonson was going to church a bunch right before

he died. This is one of the funniest. This was Heston had me going with this. She goes, speaking of Joseph Cotton, I saw him cry more than once. And Charlton Heston just goes, yeah, old people do that. The best fucking line of the fucking

movie. Oh my God. Yeah, old people do that. I got a weepy old man in my house right now, licking jelly. I bet you he's crying right now. Have you seen all those people outside the suicide machines? And they're weeping

their eyes out. I don't know what the fuck their problem is. This is when Charles comes in and starts smacking all the other furniture. Yes. Jesus. Yes. And he has to like, I called them here for questioning. And you know what? Fuck you, Charlton.

Like start beating this guy up. Start roughing him up a little bit. You know? Throw this dude down a flight of stairs. That'd be cool. All he does is yell, get the hell out of here at one point. He keeps calling him Charlie. Oh, yeah. Sort of something. But yeah. And this is he's like oh

because they don't get down to fucking right here they start making out and then there's all the disturbance or whatever and then he's like well I got to go and she convinces him to stay here with the promise of a hot shower and then she's like and I'll rub you down afterwards and he's like

oh great crank the air conditioner like he blasted this air AC and fucking after a hot shower here's the thing with the shower scene by the way it's like a weird they're in a set of candle They're inside of us. Yeah, basically.

And you could smell it from here. I could have swore, dude, for a split second before they cut away, you see some Heston ding-dog. Really? I thought there was just a quick snippet of something there. My wife called it out. Really?

Yeah. Oh, shit. Charles and Hested penis. What is this? My searcher's true. It's about to be. This is so much better than that rotten planet of the apes. I'll tell you that much.

Well, there was a second. sexy lady in that movie. That's true. I'll type in green penis to try to get the exact movie. Oh, you know that prude Bert Reynolds. She covered his shit up. I'm all natural.

If Plagher wants to see my ding-dong, so be it. Not seeing anything here on the Google image search, which is a big problem. You know what? I'm going to take out green. Let's go penis. Just Charlton Heston penis. Why don't you look at my

AK-47 baby because I'm a fucking piece of shit gun nut. God damn it. I'm not seeing it here either. All right. I'll have to go back to HBO Max. You got safe search on, dude? Let me double check. Oh my God. You no. No, I don't. No, I don't. Damn it. Damn it. I don't think so. Well, let me try to search for something even more salacious and then maybe that'll prove if it's on or not. Eric, it's right at the end of fucking bowling for Columbine. Just get a file and snap it. Mr. Heston, could you put your pants on, please.

Mr. Heston, please put your pants back on. I was able to get regular pornography on Google image search. So that means it was, it was off. Okay. Got it. Oh, that's a bummer. So anyway, like, he does not spend the night.

But so he's stumbling home all come drunk and whatnot. And, like, this is, this was another really sort of, like, with the stair people, this was another, like, sort of real striking bit of image here. He stumbles on the. this dead lady and like he closes her eyes and then you see like there's something tied to her wrist and you follow the rope or whatever

and it's tied to a baby that's just sitting there. He takes it back to Edward G. Roberts and he's just like, I've found more steak. Yeah, that's where you got more stew. Yeah. See, you're going to make some baby stew. Yeah. Yeah, see, I like a medium rare. All right.

We haven't had a baby in weeks, Saul. Ooh, real. he takes the baby you know into this church because he's going to talk to this priest that Cheryl said you know Joseph Cotton was seeing

right up to the end there and this is the actor Lincoln Kill Patrick who also in Omega Man with Heston and also in I think a total stay tuned but it's kind of a fun movie Fortress with Christopher Lambert you ever see that one?

Oh it's like him breaking out of a super prison Oh, it's kind of great. Is that Albert Pune? Stuart Gordon. Stuart Gordon. Yes. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, no, it's a totally fun movie.

So this is, yeah, this priest character. And, you know, he is trying to like interrogate this guy to figure out like what the heck, you know, Joseph Cotton, a rich man was doing coming down to this like church slash, you know, makeshift shelter for people or whatever. doesn't get a lot of information right away he's like it's kind of funny because the guy's like can you come back later I'm super tired right now

I thought he was high and like that kind of would make sense if you were in this world it's not the best performance either yeah I don't know what's going on with this performance but you're totally on to something there Chris because I thought like the character was supposed to be messed up on something also and that would make sense

like if religion has rotted away now because of all this stuff. It would make sense that he becomes a drug addict. I think it's a combo if he's tired and he knows the truth of Soil and Green and it's like eating him up inside. He's like, distraught. Oh, yeah, yeah. And again, it's just

not the greatest performance. So, you know. No, but I got to say him finding the kid outside, that's a good scene. But I also need to see a scene of these corpse collectors who are roaming the street and bringing all this meat back to the fucking plant to put in the, if there's

just these mothers dying on the fucking staircases everywhere. You need a fucking battalion to fucking go through the city. A great job to get. I would sign up instantly for corpse grabber. Oh, yeah. Well, I think probably pays well. It's one of those things that you know. It's a dirty job pay well kind of a deal. Yeah.

Yep. Totally. Totally. Pension, the whole thing. Oh, we got rid of pensions and now it's all 401Ks and by that I mean you have to live in a younger man's apartment and read to him. Me and you literally have to make $401,000 a year.

I'm not like what are those wealthy body collectors. You know, they could buy three apartments and all the furniture they like. See, and also, I remember I was going to say about the body collectors. Like, because there is a mandated curfew, I feel like that's the time when the body collectors are out there. So, like, you could totally have, like, you know, empty streets. Just film a shot of, like, the garbage truck driving down the street. like corpses, you know, people are just dropping dead all the time between

heat and whatever else. It would be so easy to film since they have the garbage trucks of the bodies at the end of the movie as well. You could pepper it in a little bit earlier. Gives you some atmosphere. Well, that's this movie, that's sorely lacking. And I think that that's, I mean, when I was, my wife didn't watch it with me, but like we were talking

about it afterwards, she said exactly what I think about this movie, which is, there's a reason people talk about this movie, but don't really watch it. And that's, you know what I mean? Like, the ideas are all there and there's just, It's just missing that, like, great, you know, cinema act. You know, it's not a, it's not a cinematic move. It's not beautiful, really.

But also, I mean, it's interesting to your point about atmosphere, though, Steve, because I'm thinking about, like, well, it's kind of funny because I jumped from, my brain inaccurately went to the wrong Matheson adaptation. Because the Vincent Price, Last Man on Earth has some good atmosphere in it. But as I say that, though, Omega Man also has some decent atmosphere going on. I think it's better because it's more open. We're doing like outdoor filming. You're going to doing shit. This is all

just soundstage. And again, with Omega Man, you have the benefit of him essentially being the only person there. The only human. There's a couple other ones, but it's mostly zombies in him. So he goes to his boss and it's like, hey man, this is the part when this boss tells him that he has to close the case. He doesn't want to close the case. Oh, right. And, you know, basically that's kind of the next action of the movie as you realize is A, he's being followed and B, like, there's a big cover-up. You don't really see what, you don't, you don't, the governor never, like, comes back. He's like in one

scene, kind of sort of, you know what I mean? This is, there's one scene. It's with the fucking other guy. The sunglasses, dude. Yeah, there's the, the tab whatever character. And then there's sunglasses guy. And I feel like that's just one character. But I think sunglasses guy is the boss of the bodyguard, maybe. I think he was like the tail that then, like, it keeps informing the company of what's going on. And I guess the bodyguard is just muscle for the company. Sunglass's guy is like essentially the guy who pays all the assassins.

Because he's the one who gives the special crowbar at the beginning. Right. To the guy who kills Joseph Cotton. Yes. And the guy and the guy with the special crowbar is the guy who's shooting the people in the crowd later. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But sunglasses guy here.

is seen informing Santini that Charlton Hess and refuses to close the case. Brock Peters is like, close this case. We want to get on with our lives, blah, blah, blah. And he's like, I don't fucking think so. So then like, yeah, the mayor or the governor or whatever, like gets word. Also, Santini. I was like, is this guy like a part-time magician maybe? The great Santini.

That's what I was. I kept on thinking about the great Santini. I'm like, this isn't Robert Duval. Totally. And, oh, no. But so then the next movement is like he's, one my favorite scene of the movie one of is this Chuck

Conner's the bodyguard goes to the priest goes to the confessional is his best of me father it's like a fucking Scorsese movie for five seconds he just goes in it's like bless me father for I've sinned and just shoots this dude in the head

I'm like yeah movie now we're doing it but here's another thing about that though Steve to speak to the guy who played the priest's performance like I thought the guy was already dead because like

like the assassin goes in the confessional and is doing the whole forgive me father i have sin shit and this actor playing the priest is literally like bug-eyed just staring off and i was like oh somebody killed that guy and then he gets shot in the head when it gets shot it literally looks like somebody gave him the hook yes the whole body off stage it rules but then as punishment charleston has to work riot patrol which is he gets a fucking football helmet and this is the fucking find it. Yeah, we're walking around

the Soiland Bazaar here. And these food lines and everything. And they're using some traffic-esque Mexico yellow filter here, I think to indicate that it's hot out.

That's what we're doing. Yeah, we're trying to like do smog. I think they did it a few times when we're outside in this movie. It's like yellow greenish. Other oddly prescient thing here, man. We're walking through this bizarre. And of course,

some, but not all, people wearing masks. Yep. And that, it was so, it was so weird last night, I was like, oh, weird. Because, like, at first, you know, now in pop culture, like, modern shit, when you see, like, masks, whether it's, like, reality shows or whatever, you're like, you cannot

help but think of, you know, COVID whatever, of course. But, like, this 1970s movie, I was like, oh, no, nope, that's crazy. I didn't even notice, maybe because I'm just so, like, used to masks. That's crazy. Oh, I think at the time

you had some image of like in the future the garbage men are just going to quit or go on strike so you have to have those for the smell you never I think really consider that this was going to actually kill you right on it yeah I think it was a smell or just whatever yeah I mean maybe they were being

smart enough you know like the 1918 there were masks back then that's true this is where that old lady's like they only gave me a quarter kilo they only gave me a quarter and then you know much like american policing today these dudes immediately start roughing her up and the guy has to he's like i got to give the announcement we ran out of soil it uh not enough people died yesterday i guess you know yeah totally is this the dude he's like today is tuesday and then like it's just this total market because the soil and green ran out

or whatever and this is where you see uh again another wild fucking piece of uh imagery here man but like these garbage trucks with the plows. The scoops. Picking these people up and these people catchers and dumping them and listen, every single one of these stunt people. Awesome stuff here. These guys, you know, wait until they're

getting to the tippy top of this thing and then jumping off and falling off. And folks at home. That is the poster of the movie because that is how, that's a great stunt and it's a great image because it's pretty wild to actually film this. The trucks look a little bit more imposing of the poster. they're painted red on the poster.

And the guy, what do you call it there? The assassin from the beginning has now been obviously charted to kill Heston. He tries and he starts taking shots and he like kills a couple of people accidentally and you know they're like, oh God, thank you so much. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah.

Oh, you shot me that. Thank you so much. Some woman gets shot in the head, which is a great, great visual. It is a what, because it's like this woman is standing right in front of Charlton Heston and like, yeah mr assassin dude here fires this gun and like this lady's fucking head explodes and I was like

holy shit like because she gets shot like right in the temple and I was like I was not prepared for this movie to have that kind of violence in it yes I guess because it is so just like slow paced and whatever that I was like man her fucking head blew right off the best kills coming up man it's a good one this this guy

because like he shoots Heston in the leg which hobbles him and you're like oh oh here it comes is this the end of Charlton Heston oh no it's not one of those

fucking plows just like lands on this dude it's incredible we get a little pool of blood so he's done oh my God

I really do really do love it beautiful beautiful work for everybody but that's what's oh doesn't he go back to Chuck Connor's apartment right here

he goes back visits his furniture the furniture lady and she mentions how he can't see the police doctor because it might relieve him of duty and there's 20 million people want my job that's what I say

every day man fucking try it dude try and do this shit why don't you do it on your podcast huh but but probably the most unfortunate scene he does go back to Chuck Conner's apartment and starts roughing him up and roughing his girlfriend up

but that's not that's not great no it's not fantastic it's not great but dude he is manhandling chuck conner's in this scene and it's kind of awesome and he's basically going there to like tell him like to stop following him get the tail like go fuck off or whatever and he's just like get off my back it's also good which i think also what he yelled at michael more 40 years later and then he also said what he said to michael moore's like and if i see so much as a shadow i'm going to come here and kill you both which is really really something.

That's a great line actually. I was impressed with that delivery because it's kind of funny. I guess what ultimately doesn't work for me is like laid back mellow has to because he fucking freaks out in this scene and I was like yeah, yeah, do it. I mean, don't hit that woman,

but do the rest of it. Oh, he'll do that for free. That wasn't even in the script. My special guest this week on Lady Slap. my good friend, Charles and Heston. He's wearing a furry costume so you can't see who it really is, but rest assured

it's him underneath the costume. What a great inverse from Planet of the apes. So this is a cool scene, and I kind of wanted a little more of this actually, Saul going to this like book depository and talking with this like group of

research nerds. Oh yeah, like this council of elders, like the last people that know what books are. I kind of love this. I kind of love this. I get your public library right now. Like honestly, if you go to the back room, your local public library, you see six old British people just yucking it up. Do go to your library tonight and ask those, those old British people in your library, because they're going to be there. And they're going to be British.

About, you know, the cannibalism going on in society today. Yeah, which Soilent do they like? Do they like the shake? Do they like that? What's their deal? like I yeah I do think it's almost every community event is essentially something like this the library and then but honestly this is kind of what I like this is like one of my favorite scenes because like this is almost like Brazil like like you have the one like the one little fucking room where you can still like no things yeah I mean I mean I'm in the entire world

good call in Brazil yeah there's there's some similarities here Steve you know what it reminded me of though what's that the Scooby gang just doing some research oh yeah you in the library, get Giles in there, an older, a much older Giles, I guess. But yeah, so basically, like, he goes there with these two soilant oceanographic

reports that Heston gave him and asks these people to, like, read it and figure out, like, you know, what the information means or whatever. And I just love that, like, they cut back to Edward G. Robinson. And, like, it's this fascinating thing where the woman, like, the leader of this group or whatever,

starts talking. And then, And is it a music swell or there's noise or something? And it blocks out the audio and you can't hear what she's telling him. And Edward G. Robinson comes out the other side of that audio break. And he's just like, it's horrible. Like he gives such a great reaction here. This is a good filmmaking piece of the movie. Like using the audio in that way and so on.

It's a good way to be coy. Like you are being coy, but you want this character to know. So how do you do that? they do it that way. And he gives a great performance in this movie all around. And then, I mean, like, this again, this would not be my last straw

where he's like, that's it, suicide time. It would have been much earlier than so much. Oh, sure. Oh, sure. He writes a note to him, I'm going home, which he knows what that means. Right. And I'm going home, see. I think with the, well, in the council of elders

or something, like when he finds out the truth or whatever, he says, like good God. and someone says like, well, you know, where would we find him? And he and G. Robinson says, like, I imagine he's at home. So, yes, there it is. Yeah. I mean, that would be like, why it doesn't make sense to me is like, you hear, you figure out, you hear for the first time what's happening here, what's, what's happening to people who die in this world. And you're like, well, I got to get on on that.

Yes. So I'm going to go, I'm going to go directly from here to the suicide factory. And I'm going to watch a nature footage until I pass away. Nabisco, can you turn me into like a cracker or something? A nilla wafer. See, so that's interesting, right? Like, if you find out what's going on

and then you're like, nobody's making a meal out of me, see? Right? So then I think your choices are like because the ocean has not yet dried up in this world so you could go drown yourself out there. That's a great idea. Self-immolation maybe also an option here.

Make sure the corpse is either permanently missing or destroyed so you can't be turned into people food. Here's the thing Andrew though, it's that room is air conditioned and that you can't, you cannot undersell how

that air conditioning because he gets it's just, you know what I mean? Like that's all I yeah, that's what I get so you're saying Steve you would not want to die with a flop sweat on no absolutely yeah on the back of my neck no thank you. Steve would like Dick Van Patton to slowly escort

him to the suicide room Absolutely. What's August hits? Get me that suicide. The ocean makes sense. Like, droughting yourself, that all makes sense. I don't know about self-immolation, though. Because we all know, there's people out there

who really like their soil and burn. That's a good point. So then you don't know. I mean, I'm talking. No, like you find a fucking crematorium cabin and really do it. You know what I mean? Far away from other people. I thought you were talking about a monk type of thing.

You got to get people to like Freddie Kruger you. You, Freddie Kruger, me. And then, you know, there's got to be like a buddy sister. Chris Cross. Oh, we both pull a rope at the same time. Maybe we just all burn to death in this barn tonight. So he goes, I mean, this is really, it's really, you get there, you sign your thing away. My question is, do you have to pay for this or no?

Like, I guess it's free. Oh, it's no, it's the United States of America. Dude, someone's getting charged for it. Next of kin. Yeah, your insurance company. Yeah. A bill for 600 D's. Oh, no. That's selfish D.

That's why he runs to try to save him because he's like, we can't afford this. Of course. I'll spring for the classical music, I guess. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. He went for the full package. The 360 degree monitors. God, oh, damn it.

The woodland animals, too. That's so expensive. He gets his orange and he gets his light classical music. It's honestly, it's a beautiful little moment. It is. Let me ask you about the system, though, for a second. Because one of the things that I love is like, I guess the movie, it turns out, for me anyway, did a good job of making it feel like disgusting and hot, whatever the whole time. Yeah, for sure.

Because the moment where he approaches the building, which kind of looks like the Barclays Center. A little bit. And he goes in the front door. The woman opens the door. and he feels the air conditioning. It was a cool moment where I was like, ooh,

like I kind of feel the air conditioning. Like, good job with the sound effects and whatever. And the woman like welcomes them in. Could you kind of game the system, you think? And you're like sitting there, kind of like you're taking a long time

to order a burger king and just soaking up the AC and then you're like, I changed my mind. I changed my mind. Tell me on it. Tell me on it. You could do that once,

Chris, but then like the next time they're just fucking say, they're just not let you in anymore. Hey, shift's got to change. Well, here's this. Here's the real risk. You steal the AC and then suddenly your persona on Grata at the suicide factory. Oh, you like living asshole. I do not, my friend. So I think

it probably, you know what the thing is, is it's probably once you walk in and if you just want the normal experience, it probably is free. But if you go and buy an IMAX ticket like Edward G. Robinson did, yes, that it's going to cost you. And that's going to be a lot of money. What is that? this a rumble seat? What is even that? 40X, my God. 4DX death. I can smell that bird. Dude, you know,

speaking of fucking buying a ticket in IMAX, you know if we had this system, there would be motherfuckers out there selecting fucking fast nine. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Honestly, can we get like, we're going to do a special screening

at the suicide factory of the Zach Snyder Justice League, right this way, right this way. Eric, you would never go to the suicide machine because it's assigned seating only. That's true. I want to be killed with a bunch of other weirdos in a general admission setting. No, no, this is the only way you can see

that David A. Arcade of suicide. Generally, the only way. Right this way. Right this way. Oh, excellent Deadpool T-shirt. Right this way. You can talk about the cinematography in the afterlife.

You don't have to tweet about it. that's amazing no but it's and it's really amazing I mean it's great you get some Dick Van Patton here for some reason what the fuck

how did that come about how is Dick Van Patton just in this movie at the end I think he was a dude looking for work man yeah probably he had a good face yeah I guess so yeah

and it's just you know and it's awesome because like it's just these weird people in robes and you kind of figure it out pretty quickly if you're in the audience what's going on here yeah can I tell you man

I was a little slow on the update. I really was. I was like, what are they doing? And I thought there was going to be a threesome at first because it was just this. Too like, is a young guy and a young girl like leading him into this bed. And I'm like, where is this going? Well, because there's a weird thing where like he's got like the glass of booze

and she's standing there and I was like, what's happening? Yeah. But I'll tell you, I think part of it, part of why I was so thrown was because I was totally shocked after. were realizing, I, you know, I spent my whole life assuming I would never once see Edward G. Robinson's nipples. Oh, yeah. And then here we are in Soiling Green. He takes his fucking shirt off, man. This guy's got his old man nipples out. Like, I was truly thrown. It's a sucker punch. There's just no other way to put it. It just comes right across your face. Yes. But I do not, I do not want to

crack too wise on it because I, I was stunned at how beautiful I thought the sequence was. Yes. Like sucker punch, I go into a dream world where I imagine his nipples right before a fucking ice pit goes through my fucking eye. Edward J. Robinson's in the schoolgirl outfit with she blocks. Fighting robots, see?

Yeah. Do you think it would have been awesome if he's laying on this fucking table, right? And like he just looks up and he takes one breath in and he goes, yeah. See? And it just checks out. It would be great. Now, sir, do you

of the full pack. Do you want the butt stuff package? The non-but-stuff? That's very well, sir. Very well. You know, it's funny, we didn't plan this, but last month on Patreon, we covered Last Action Hero and Art Carney's last on-screen performance. And now we have Edward G. Robinson's this month. Edward G. Robinson's much more dignified.

Which stands to reason. Yeah. It's just, you go in, he goes to this room, he's in his white bed. Everybody leaves him alone. This music starts playing. and you just sort of like this beautiful imagery and he's just kind of like he's just living it man yeah and this was this was a moment

I thought was so touching and kind of stunned that Charltonesson agreed to say that he loved another man on camera because like Robinson's checking out he's just like you know I love you by or whatever and Heston says it back and it's a beautiful moment and he gets there too he's like crying he's like I love you too show yeah it's the best best scene in the movie probably By a million, yeah.

And what's wild, too, is, like, you get the sense that there's, during these procedures or whatever, like, they close that window. And, like, the fact that it, like, because Heston, you know, fucking roughs up the attendant there, you know, and makes him open the window. And then, like, so Saul is saying to him, like, can you see it? Can you see what I'm seeing? Like, as, you know, I'm seeing my last images. And he's like, oh, yes, I can see it.

And it's just like, holy fuck, dude, I'm watching a movie about people. tiles. Well, also that's, yeah, exactly. First of all, you said roughed up the attenit. No, he manhandles Dick Van fucking Patton. Dude, he's thrown him up against him. Open that window. You fat fuck. I will crack

you open like a Cadbury egg. Let me see my friend. I'm watching the show for free. Also, who the fuck is Princess Vesp? What are you talking about? I just peeped his IMD and he was the same year he was in Westworld as a banker.

So he was making the rounds in, you know, low-level Hollywood in early 70s. That's how you do it, dude. Listen, you bald weirdo, open that door. But so they don't, so they don't really, maybe they do in the book or whatever, but like they don't explain what happens to you. Like he just sort of dies

Yeah you don't know if it's a gas Or if it was that drink he took or whatever It seems pretty nice honestly You just kind of go to sleep And I do love I do love that it's set up perfectly Wherein They just roll this dude

They don't have to open a door There's just a little thing And it's just like On to the next one man I love it You get pushed under a stage Like extra seating that they didn't need You know

They kind of cut it like it's a mouse trap I kind of watch the music from the beginning of Pee We's Big Adventure As it's like rolling down the different parts to get into the bath of salt Or whatever it lands in at the end It would be awesome if they push this fucking bed through that wall And then it like bumps into a thing and tilts and the body shoots out And it's going down like a huge slide system or something And you're playing that music. Oh, it would be great

The gears start going. Oh yeah, that'd be fantastic A big like cavernous thing Like an Adams family like their basement That shit It rules And then like I think what And one of the things he says like

You have to prove it to them You have to prove it to them So he's like I will so So he kind of follows He follows him He jumps on this truck I mean everyone can see this old fuck jump on this truck Right

Dude what are we fucking doing here man Like how is the guy in the driving the truck Eight feet behind this one Not like There's some lanky like six-foot old dude just jumped on the top of that garbage truck. Everybody saw that, right? It's like only seven o'clock

really, you know? I like this, that whole sequence, because it reminded me a little bit like Indiana Jones when he's like following that submarine and it's just like, well, they should be able to see him, but they don't. It's fine. Does anybody else smell that? It smells like rich man's

balls. Does anybody smell? What was that? Smelled like the balls of Joseph Cotton that we burned last week. definitely cotton balls in the air so he gets in and this is what he just kind of goes to the factory and like yeah it's just like

dead people on on a fucking treadmill until they go into a vat of jelly a real needs more dog kind of a scenario what was that red tick ale or something needs more dead people

and then yeah like him him putting it together is a good little reaction because he goes up to like the next level and you just see a conveyor belt of these green chips and he's like oh fuck one of them is wearing Saul's hat and he's like oh no

so when I told my old coach that I'd eat him alive I was being literal like that's the thing that you don't have here man like I would start throwing up immediately oh yeah like he's just kind of like Ew gross and like gets on with it

but like you need a moment to be like Who have I Who's soul have I possibly consume Lots of your family Definitely a lot of your family Is going into your diet Yeah like were my loved ones fed back to me But also your co-workers

Shitting them out you know Like but is that a problem Maybe that is what we were meant to eat Hear me out My I mean if here's the thing If they were killing people on purpose. That's not so nice. Actually, just repurposing the dead at this hell world. Again,

not my top, not my top ten of problems that I would try and sell. I mean, we recycle water. It's true. I mean, here's the thing, though. It's nefarious because it's like kept a secret. Do you think you could get a starving, heat addled public on board with this? I think so. Like, look, folks, we got to do what we got to do here, all right? We got to start eating each other. Well, not to make a Bill Mar joke here, but you would at least get the Republicans on. Chris Cavins. Thanks for that Bill Maher warning. Chris Cavins has new rules.

Here comes a joke. Oh, my God. Bill Maher, by the way, I tried to watch one of his club random. He's got this. What? What? That's his new, like, video podcast. By the way, I didn't watch it yet, but William Shatner was on it, who, who was always

said he would never do a podcast with a lying sack of shit. Anyway, you have to put the video in it and then he'll do it. And it's Bill Maher. See me, stupid. Like Bill Marr with like a celebrity in his basement. It's very pathetic. And he's, sunglasses on all the time. Yeah, of course. He has to look like a cool guy. And he's like making drinks and he's smoking weed all the time. Oh, that's pretty cool. Makes him less funny by the minute. I didn't know it was possible. But he can't even muster a right joke. you know anything dude there was uh i think because maybe people were making fun of that someone posted

a clip on twitter did you guys see that thing i think it was from bill marr's show that he had on a bc way back politically incorrect yes uh where it's him talking with a bunch of professional wrestlers and rowdy roddy piper fucking takes him to ask really oh man holy shit it's so awesome because he's like bill mar makes some what the deficit or No, it's a whole panel of wrestlers, so it's like, it was a show about wrestling or, you know, whatever. And he makes some crack about, like, wrestling not being real. And he's like, where are all your bruises? It's fake.

And Routy, Roddy Piper, like, screams at him. And he's like, you want to say this is fucking fake. We'll show you all our injuries. How about Owen Hart? You think that's fake? You want to say that. Go say that to Mrs. Hart. And all this shit.

And he pulls his pants down and shows him this huge bruise. And then Bill Marr like tries to make a quip and he's like, oh yeah, something, something pulling your pants down in front of a bunch of men. And Rowdy, Roddy, Routy Piper just goes, well, how'd you get this job? Dude, it's awesome. And Mar just shuts the fuck up. It's only mostly fake, folks. Whatever. Anyway, they fight.

This is like kind of when this becomes an action movie for a while. Fun fact here, there's no dialogue, not just because they wanted to make. get eerie because the screen the screenwriter didn't want had a clause where no one could add dialogue to the movie and he didn't want this to be an action movie so they were like well we wanted to be an action movie so we'll just have no dialogue kind of a thing that's incredible oh wow it's a huge fuck you to this I mean it might work in its favor honestly it does you need something here you need something but this is a little

too long without the talking and it kind of gets a little dull it's fine. I think it is effective enough but I was like this is going on a little long somebody fucking say something meanwhile I'm sorry meanwhile Cheryl has met her new whatever the new tenant in the building and this is an uncomfortable scene he's coming right out of Eli Roth's hostel

holy crap thankly it's short dude yeah so he's just he's like you know once a week we might require some fun are you fun it's like yeah my friends like to have parties you're fun, it's, it's disturbing for sure. It is. And it's supposed to be. And it is. It's effective. And she, so he calls her, I guess, to say, he was calling for backup. Heston is. But he calls her first. And she's like, I met the new guy. He's kind of whatever. And he's like, and he's like, and, you know, he knows everything.

He's like, stay with him. Stay with him as long as you can. You know, live. I need you to live. I need you also to be living in like this rich guy's place so you don't have to be, eating sorry. That's a really good point. B.T. dubs, that be people. Just before I hang up, could you, could you put me on the phone with the shower, please? I just want to say goodbye to the shower. Oh, I love you. We had a wonderful time together. You were so hot in the sheets. Well, soap long. Goodbye, fuzzy egg chair. Oh, Mr. Air conditioner, I'll miss you most of all. stay cool

it was a joke we had but he goes back to the church and now it's just him and Chuck Connors it's a cool fight scene thing it's it works yeah it's a fight in a crowded shelter where everybody is sleeping and they're falling on people it's fucking crazy it is an interesting

setting for a fight I have to say because yeah you're not getting like pushed over a barrel or a stack of crates or something. No, no. You're just getting pushed into other people. Who are sleeping? And one guy's just like, come on. Oh, it's happening again. Oh, someone's fighting again. Oh, come on. I have to get up to kill myself at 5 a.m.

Oh, my God. Yeah, it's a decent fight. And for the most part, actually, Heston getting his ass kicked. Oh, yeah. Which is like a fucking 12 feet tall. Yeah, Tab 100, getting some fucking or tab, whatever's name is, getting some some revenge here from the last ass kicking that he received.

But then ooh, dude, Heston finds this like dirty knife on the floor and just stabs him. Yikes. Right in the heart. Oh, it's fucking brutal, man. But like, I could not help but notice how dirty that knife was. Not that it matters.

It kind of does. Wait, let me see if it's strawberry. It was not. That's the way, actually, that's how you would get them back. finally is you put all the diseases ever made on one knife and stab somebody with it and then put them in the meat grinder or

the salt bath or whatever they're doing and that everybody dies from eating the soilant. There you go. It's a nice little solve there. And you know before he is murdered Tab does get a shot off

here. He gets Heston right through the fucking back. Oh yeah. The side of his back goes right through it. so Heston's kind of like down for the count. Brock Peters gets here with like some other cops and Heston's pretty much out of it this is the you know sort of the famous oceans dying

plankton's dying it's people Soylent green is made out of people Oh man And great delivery It's kind of a cool abrupt ending too Especially with some of the more It's not

I mean this movie isn't arguing for socialism It kind of sort of maybe is but not really, but the big red hand at the end guys, you know what I mean? Like rise up, baby.

Absolutely. We've got to stop them somehow. Next thing they'll be breeding us for cattle. Cattle! All I can say is thank goodness we didn't have that socialized medicine or else it would have been real bad. I mean,

it is that sort of awesome, you know, cynical 1970s ending too. Because like Brock, Peters is basically like, yeah, yeah, man, sure. Soilent green has been, got it. What do you say, detective whack job? Well, yeah, you don't get it like, we must do it for the, for our future sons and future furniture. Yeah. I mean, that's what's crazy is like no one in the shelter gives the shit. Like, nothing is going to come from this. You know what I mean? Like this, you know, soilant is not being taken down. Like, it will just continue, man. It will just continue on.

as Steve mentioned in Sondland Green too. They said they didn't change the rest of you but they didn't. It is sort of a great little bit of trolling here at the end of the movie like when the credits start rolling

you just see the footage from the suicide video again. Oh yeah. And it's just kind of like the movie being like you should just kill yourself. Like this world is fucking doomed so here's your suicide video. Dick Van Patten's been watching you this whole time Oh god

But that is literally the end of Soylent Green Because it's from the 1970s And movies knew how to get the fuck out When they were over with back then We'll go around the horn here Heston heads Steve Sadec final thoughts Yeah it's a recommend for sure

It's you know I think there's a couple movies on Specifically this month that like Aren't exactly WHM like are just like, they're like good enough movies that just have something missing from being like a WLM. And I think that's where this sort of is. You know what I mean?

And like there's a lot. In this one specifically, there's a lot missing. But I think Heston is engaging here. It's a pretty cool concept. It's, it's incredibly pressing. It's a good watch, honestly. So it's a recommend for me.

Eric Siskin. Recommend from me as well. They, I mean, it's not that far off, folks. They almost got 20, right um it's it's it's i just love these like janky 70s sci-fi movies and i do like the cynical nature of them so you know obviously it's not quite altogether but it's still a pretty good watch

so i'd say check it out oh yeah chris cabins oh yeah i'd recommend it uh it is i think it's more plot and premise uh than it needs to be i think you could get a few nighttime shots of charles and Heston just wandering alone in these streets and get a lot of what you want what's missing from this movie, which is like a sense of atmosphere. Right. And of course, you know, right, the writing can't be as ambitious because money, money,

you know, hand thing means money. But, you know, I think this is pretty convincing. I think Edward G. Robinson sells a lot of this. And if you didn't have a guy like him in that role, might not work the same. But, and again, as we're saying, there is a magnetism

to Heston, if not exactly a convincing dramatic spirit there. There is presence there and he's fun to watch. Yeah, I'm not going to cover any new territory here. It's a recommend for me also.

I think it's a thing like if you haven't seen this movie but you're totally aware of, you know, the twist of it all. Like it makes for it to be like kind of a slogish watch because it really doesn't ramp up until those last you know 30-ish minutes or so so like you spend an hour like where is this movie going and you know like i said heston i guess i just kind of don't get it but he's like laid back here

i don't know the the the seller of it all for me is fucking edward g robinson man i i was totally floored by him and you know if you're unfamiliar with this shit you know double indemnity key largo the stranger he is also in ten commandments for a hot second way see it see see those movies The whole town's talking. There's two of them. Yeah, oh, right. So, you know, I don't know. Yeah, it's a recommend. You could do much worse. So that's going to do it for our discussion on Richard Fleischer's Soylent Green folks. If you want more We Hate Movies, check out WHM Podcast.com or, of course, head over to patreon.com slash we hate movies. We got a lot of bonus content up there this month, including a We Love Movies on.

Collateral. Which month is this in? Yeah, Jesus, collateral. Michael Mann's Collateral, of course. That was a good-ass episode. What do we got on the AD, Steve? We will have an episode of Chippendale's Rescue Rangers to coincide with that John Mullaney movie that's coming out. Is that a movie or a TV show?

I think it's a movie. That's probably for the best. And Eric, what's going on over on the Gleap Glossary? It might be a short episode. Might be a climatic episode. No, is that a word? Yeah, anyway. Climactic.

Yeah, it's when you put beer and clam juice together, which is sort of how you make George Binks, the father of Jar Jar Binks, who has an explosive ending. It might be a very short episode, but hey, that's the Gleap Gloucestry for you. We talk about Star Wars characters, and we will be talking about George Binks,

the father of Jar Jar Jar. Well, Georgie. And of course, new episodes of the Nexus and Melro 2&O as well this month. Now, on this very feed, Steve, the show will continue next week. Next Tuesday, what do we got coming out? You know, a couple of weeks ago, we were talking a lot about Prodigy, and that makes sense because next week it's Fire Starter.

It's the Firestata. The 1984 movie, and I understand there's a remake coming out. And Efron, Zach Efron, starring one. The Everybody Passed remake. I'm going to give it a shot, man, because I will say, I like Zach effort. There you go. But I think he has a lot charisma. I like that guy he played in that one movie. There you go. But this is Firestar, this is Drew Barrymore. Drew Barrymore and Tangerine Dream, baby. Oh, I was

talking about the serial killer. Oh, like. That's who I like. What's Bundy? Good guy. Ted word. Good guy. Good guy. I have not seen this movie. It's a fun one. It's a cool. Is this, it's a Stephen King? It is. Yes. Yeah. Very cool. It's been a while since we've been to Kingtown, so this is going to be a lot of fun.

So next week, we return to probably somewhere in Maine. Until then, I'm Andrew Jupon. Stephen Sadek. Eric Siska. Chris Gavin. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.