We Hate Movies - S12 Ep611: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors (Live in Cleveland)

Episode Date: May 17, 2022

Recorded 10.13.21 at Hilarities in Cleveland, OH On this week's episode, it was the gang's first time back on the road in two years and they were pumped to chat about the totally bonkers slasher sequel, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors! How ridiculous is it that this actor looks exactly like Bill Maher? Why couldn't we get a little more with that eerie Freddy puppet? And why does Larry Fishburne just vanish from the film entirely? PLUS: Check out that sweet Dokken video if you want a super-thorough re-cap of this movie!  A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors stars Heather Langenkamp, Robert Englund, Craig Wasson, Patricia Arquette, Ken Sagoes, Rodney Eastman, Jennifer Rubin, Bradley Gregg, Ira Heiden, Penelope Sudrow, Priscilla Pointer, Laurence Fishburne, and John Sason; directed by Chuck Russell. Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new WHAT IF Donna?, Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm  Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to we hate movies. Thank you. Oh, I want to never hear. I just want to go out. Trapped it! Holy shit. I have a mic. Oh, this is nice having a mic.

Yeah, it's been a while. You know, a real nightmare? COVID-19. You don't have your cards to tap here, but... We've got some backs cards to tap. We've got a desk here for you. The doors are locked, right? We're good.

Absolutely. And who would have guessed? I'm sitting here in a Batman 89 t-shirt. I would have guessed that part. 100% right on the bed. Would also have guessed that. There's one other person who's like a Batman.

Even more surprising the director of Batman itself, Tim Burton right here. It's just shocked. It's amazing. And also, you know, the people on the front row, you know,

we're like the GGL in a podcast. Yes. There might be fluid. Yes. That's one of the reasons we have to do proof of vaccination. We should have... That's true.

We should have sold slickers outside for... Yeah. Oh, man. Note for next time, branded slickers for when Steve spits on everybody. Wow, this is so cool. I feel like I don't...

don't even, like, know where to start. This is so fucking cool that you're all here. Thank you for coming out tonight. Thank you for getting fucking vaccinated to be here. We're all doing our part. Jesus Christ. We are trying here, folks. Now, let's see.

You guys ready? See, we can do it? Well, you know, speaking of Jesus Christ, natural enemy of Freddie Kruger. That's true, Eric. Thank you so much for pointing that out really quickly. Now, are the cross burns him later. Fuck, man.

All right. Are you ready? Yeah. Are you ready? Yeah. My name is Andrew Jupin. I am Sister Christopher Cabin, Helena. It looks so good.

I'm in primetime bitch. My name is Steven State Act. And we are We Hey Movies from New York City. Thank you for coming out tonight. Oh, mercy. This is night one. I don't even know. We might not even get to the movie.

Sorry you for watching in advance. You know. Is anybody having any troubles? they want to work out on today. You know, I have a great way to find out who watched the movie. Who likes Dockin in this audience? So now we have an idea. But, well, hang on.

You could just have some folks that enjoy the band Dockin. Can you? Well, maybe. There you go. And they knew the Dream Warrior song? They did, and they did. She's on fire. We're the Dream Warriors.

Fire! Sorry, what? The music video for the Dream Warrior song is literally a cliff notes for this movie. It is. The stupidest movie ever made. But honestly I mean, I feel terrible. We should have put the word out. Save yourselves

93 minutes. Watch that Dockin video. And in four minutes, you got the whole thing. Highlights real. The whole thing covered. Here's, and let's see what happens. Here, I kind of like this movie. Does everybody, anyone else kind of like this movie? Yeah. All right. Okay. Now, now here's the thing though. Anyone really

like this movie? Any tattoos inspired by this film in the audience? Larry Fishburn. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You have a Larry Fishburn tattoo? Oh. Well, may I ask why you just shouted Larry Fishburn? He says, any noticeable tattoos from the film,

you yelled Larry Fishburn. You could see my confusion. I think everyone is just so excited tonight, because Freddy Kruger, Ohio celebrity. That's true. Maybe one of the greatest Ohio celebrities.

It's him and Paul Newman. No. Steve Spielberg. LeBron James is up there too. It's just... But I mean, like... Someone over here just went, eh.

And maybe you're not wrong. Clancy Brown is... We didn't forget Clancy Brown. We didn't know. See, learning something new here at We Hate Movies Live, Clancy Brown, Native... Ohio-in?

Is that what you do? Yeah, yeah. That's your Ohioans. He's not Ohio-Ease? No, that's what they speak is Ohio-Ease. And, I mean, if you want to class up something, the way to start, and we should have started with an Edgar Allan Poe-Foe. It's like, who am I in class?

Ooh, you know what? Because that's, you're watching this movie. You're like, man, Nightmare in Elm Street 3, what a trash job, right? And then you look at that, though, it's like, oh. You're, it's 1987, oh, did I do Coke to the wrong movie? Oh, they got Edgar Allan Poe to write a poem about this movie? At least it wasn't Tim Allen Poe. Just quote the Raven.

Whoa, ho, ho. Oh? Oh. I had my cellar door. It did well in the 80s and tried it out here. Can you try it one more time, though? Humor him. I'll see you all.

We got so many dates. left. You gotta hear it. I'll try to get in Detroit. That's his hometown, right? Michigan. That's true. Yeah, that's true.

Pure Michigan. So it's, this is like a, it's a, it's a third sequel, but we're kind of a second sequel. Second sequel, third film, yeah. Yeah, we're ignoring the second movie a little bit. Entirely, entirely.

That made America at the time a little too uncomfortable. Even though it's a totally great movie, a little uncomfortable at the time. You know. And we're like bringing back Nancy, Heather Langencamp, Academy Award, her, Heather Langenkamp?

Yeah, she probably has watched him, huh? She saw the father last year. Now, all right, no, hang on a second. Now, hang on a second, though. I'm not going to rag on Heather Langan. Robert England attended the Academy Awards? Ever once? Not like makeup.

I was a seat filler. That's what I'm thinking. I was going to say, like, 100-time presenter at the Saturn's probably. Oh, definitely. I think there's an award named after him. England. Is that a BAFTA?

Here's your England award. This movie starts out with Patty Arquette, of course, is her first motion picture. Academy Award winner, Patricia Arquette. That's right. That's right. They knew it way back then. This is directed by Chuck Russell. So I had to get that out there. That motherfucker's got a golden toilet, I bet, right? Crazy filmography, right?

Yeah, what were we talking to? The mask? The mask, right? Yeah, I mean, that's golden toilet money. I mean, that was, that should have been, all those should have been cruicalized. Smokin. Oh, smoking definitely should have been one. Somebody stop me, except no, I kind of love this.

I'm dodging my landlord. Remember that small subplot from The Mask, everybody? I love the idea of, they're like, oh man, we have a guy who is really punny, he's bald, he wears a hat, who should direct this, who should direct it? I don't know. Can you give them a weird hat? Yes, we can.

Done and done. Done and done, dude. So, yeah, it's Patty Arquette. She's listening to Dockin in the middle of the night, which I thought what we're seeing here, and I was quickly corrected, I thought she was cutting up some Coke, getting ready to stay up late.

Turns out, innocently setting up some Papier-Marchais. Couldn't even believe it. I looked away, and I didn't even see the what looked like Coke A. And then I just saw her, like, fiddling away. It's a little comie. A little bit. But it turned out of paper, Macier, machet, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. Yeah, and it's a art and crap. Do people still do that? Anyone out there, Papier-Machet enthusiasts? It's a dead art, dude. There it is. Confirmed. Yeah, once those tablets came out,

Papier-Mache went right in the garbage. Tablets, did you say? Yeah, tablets. Tablets killed Papua Mache. Because you can just, now you're doing Fruit Ninja on your tablet. Oh, wow. Are you here about this, folks?

I thought we said Tim Allen Poe wasn't here. So she's doing it. I don't know why, I'm sorry, but I don't know why if you're trying to stay up, you would do a craft that clearly will put you right the fuck to stay. What are we, I mean, and that's why it should be cocaine. None of these movies,

none of these movies were like, hey kids, if you need to stay up late, cocaine. It'll keep you up for days. That should have been John Sachs's note from day. day one in that first movie. Okay, kids, we're going to get you cocaine. You're never going to sleep again. Don't worry about it. A little something from the evidence locker.

Yes. Daddy, could you get me more coke for me and my friends? There's a murderer after us. That is why, at a movie, meant for teenagers, they weren't like, you know, let's not endorse cocaine in the film. We want an R-rating, not an institution of tea. The Colombians figured this out decades ago, kids. Dude, that's what it is, right?

is like Freddy Krueger's number one enemy is like the cartel. You're keeping these kids up! And they're sending assassins into the dream world? You know what? Hey, I gotta tell you, dude, better moving. I'd be into that. I'd be heavily into that.

So, Patricia Arquette is drinking Diet Coke and Maxwell House grounds. Now, if that's not gonna keep you up from caffeine, you are definitely gonna be woken up by the need to feverishly shit in the middle of the night. Oh, dude. just to go and take care of, like,

there's no way you're surviving. Have I been doing that? Yes, Eric. I didn't know. It's kind of a solid fail save because unless you're Elvis, you're not going unconscious on the toilet. Yeah, so like, Freddie Kruger's like,

oh shit, she's got IBS, damn it! Every 20 minutes, I set up a whole fun house that's got knives in it, shit. And now wasting my resources on these kids constantly fucking shitting. See you tomorrow. God damn it. That would be funny if one of these movies

was all about them trying to figure out how to give kids IBS just to kick them up all night long. This will fix it. Kid, you just have to eat a little more spicy food. You'll be up all night.

Kruger, no problem. Some canned pickled jalapinos is your way to fame. Yeah, your ass will be bleeding but you're up all night. It's fine. That tingling rectum you get, it would keep, like,

you'd be fidgeting. Even after the shit. Even after. You're right. Totally right. So in Friday the 13th fashion, her mother comes home and she's a total fucking wreck. Nightmare and Elm Street is this franchise, FYI. Oh, damn it.

On the road again. No, we'll leave, we'll come back. We'll just start a little. You know, you guys just hang out here. We're going to go back. We're going to start the whole fucking thing over. Can you go it back up? Can you do it back up, please? He said the wrong franchise? Did you hear that? It was a fucking error. She kind of reminded me of Kelly's mom on 902.1.

Yes. Oh, big time. A little Jackie Taylor. Jackie, these kids aren't going to sleep, but I'm getting horny. Mel Silver. Sounds like John Saxon. It's the same. You know, listeners of this fine program may have been aware we recycle impressions quite free.

All the time. Because we care about the earth. It's not about the accuracy. It's about the oomph that you can. give them, right? So you can tell that was famed Melrose or 90210210 dentist, Mel Silver, right? Oh, Jackie. I love that, so she's putting her daughter to bed. She's like, oh, what are you doing? Still up? Blah, blah, blah. Good night,

sweetheart. She's like, could you just stay with me? And she's like, I can't, I brought somebody home. And this dude, a man... Best character in the movie, FYI. And you come home, you're dating a woman that has a kid. And she's like, I just gotta go upstairs to put my kid to bed and then we'll have sex or whatever. I have to put my 18-year-old daughter to bed for some reason. Hey, where's the bourbon?

This guy knows what's up. It's like, I would love it if you didn't yell, Hey, where's the bourbon? I would love it. Should I get undressed already? You know, could you just stop? Would you stop? It's not gonna be up all night like your stupid daughter's trying to be. Oh, especially what's the bourbon answer is the best. Exactly.

Where's the bourbon? Oh, it's under the fucking floorboards. No, it's in the goddamn sideboard, you jackass. Actually, though, great point, dude. Because if it is like the mother from the first film, yeah, there's bourbon under the sink. Yeah, there's bourbon in the toilet tank. Yeah, there's bourbon inside the garbage disposal somehow.

She figured it out. That woman had problems. She just comes back downstairs. Craig, could you just not yell about where the rest of the cocaine is. Could you come up and whisper it in my ear, please? So whatever, she has this nightmare where it turns out to be a suicide attempt, I guess,

is the idea of Freddy Kruger fools her again. She goes into that house and there's all sorts of spooky stuff. It's a spook house kind of a situation. Well, it's this thing where this movie thinks that, like, Nancy's house from the first movie matters at all for any fucking reason? No, it doesn't. For the door gag at the end?

No, but I'm just saying it's just, There's absolutely no reason why Freddy Kruger, the demon, would be tied to this one house. That motherfucker's working the whole street. It's a nightmare on the street. They all killed him. Like everyone, every, all the parents. Yeah, what is the beef with this one house? I mean, but Heather Lankap was, and Nancy was his real success story.

Like, honestly, she fucking defeated him in the first movie. What are you talking about? It was his, he got in the news for the first time. Oh, for the first time in a while anyway. It's a big deal. It's good to have a rival, you know, it motivated. She's a bunch of her friends. I mean, that blood bat, the blood fountain?

I mean, that's a great stuff. I feel like if you have a murder in your town that the end result is like a blood fountain, that town's closed for business. You got to assault the fucking earth. You got to move those citizens out of there, close it off. What was that Stephen King movie with the alien

and Mark Wahlberg's brother? There's like four of those. Really? There's four of that exact thing that I just said. Dream catcher? Yeah, dream catcher, remember? They were going to, like, cordon off the whole town and then bomb the shit out of it? You have to.

You got to do that if that happens because otherwise you're just bloodbath town, you know. No, yeah, the real estate prices are very low. Now, there was a plague of violent, violent child deaths about three years ago. Janet and Ben are trying to find a house in Springwood, Ohio. They're looking for something that's close to downtown, but still has a yard for the kids and dogs.

I have a weird question. Did you ever burn a janitor to death? No, if you're fine, come on in. Come on in. The reasons don't matter. Just I need to ask the question. It's just something, you know what? I just started at this real estate firm.

It's something they ask us to ask you. Just doing my due diligence. No, seriously, though. I bet that janitor. Do you have any friend genuine life? Now there was a blood fountain in this room not too long ago. I think it would be great, you know, for maybe a walking closet. Must have.

It's a space for all their stuff. Dan wants to make a man cave in the garage Sarah's not too keen on that we'll see how this episode ends probably in divorce I love house hunters by the way anybody watch house hunters you are just

watching people line up to get divorced left and right especially house hunters international because without fail one of them wants to go the other one desperately does not that is like a hostage situation on that show right

absolutely like the dude with the tiki bar from Staten Island? Holy shit. This delusional son of a bitch man, this guy wanted to go like move down to like the keys or like the Caribbean or something and he was going to open a tiki bar

and this dude had a tiki bar in the basement of their house on Staten Island, the scariest of the five brothers. I was about to say that sounds pretty fun but then you said Staten Island. Yeah, that's where the terror strikes. The shiver went up my spine.

Right on time. 15 minutes in. We're already talking about house hunters. In regional New York. So, British Archette's running through. She's trying to save this girl. It's like a dream logic situation. This little girl, we set up. Skeletons exist in this world because...

Do they ever? We set up that underneath every single person in this audience is a skeleton. It's very important. The skeleton virus is already inside of you. Because she's like, oh, please help me. She looks down a scary skeleton. Dude, it is hilarious.

She looks down and it's like little Mrs. Bates just cradled in her arm. You know, one time I went to the orthodontist and they did a scan of my entire head, I got to see my skull. What was going on there? Not a lot? It made the tooth hurt less, I guess.

I don't know, man. They probably needed to see if there was like nerve damage and whatnot. I think I looked like a better skeleton than a guy. I think that skull was nice. It was like classic movie skull. Were you getting compliments on it? Like, oh, look at that skull. No.

20 years in orthodontic work, and that's the prettiest skull I've ever seen. But I'm just picturing this guy, has, this doctor just has everyone's skull on file. And he's just looking at skull. He's just wallpapering his house at home with these skulls. Wouldn't you? No. I would. Ooh, I'd buy this house, but the third bedroom has that skull wallpaper?

That's a cosmetic. You can make that change. It's cosmetic change. Like always, Freddie is upgrading his bungalow. He's got a very nice little fireplace with a bunch of kids' skulls in it. Yes. That in the Docken video, by the way, the docket video, the drummer is inside that fireplace. Oh, yeah.

It's quite something. Bad-ass. Really do. Bad-ass video. Should watch tonight. She wakes up, she has a nightmare. She's like, oh, man, the nightmare is over, but is it? She goes to the bathroom, and this is when her sink comes to life and tries to kill her.

Been there, dude. And Freddy's in the mirror. And like, this is Freddy's kind of M.O. in this movie. I guess he's afraid of the heat. So he's, like, trying to frame people for suicide. I think that's the thing. If you could blame, like, another thing. Because, like, a blood fountain.

He's showing off. Yeah, for sure. Clearly, that was a paranormal event of some kind. Yes. You know. But, like, yeah, like, oh, a kid tossed himself off the roof. I don't know. She was pretty depressed. Not really my style

I mean you remember the blood fountain That's me That is me I do like this idea of the cops coming to him And be like oh no that's not my work No no I wouldn't do that No no no I'm fountains All you're saying look at her journal

All right Mr. Kruger We need you help here identifying a murderer Oh her dreams were too depressing I had to leave sorry That's Michael Myers If I've ever seen it Definitely Illinois's not too far away.

A Haddonfield, how about Haddonfield? I didn't do it. And so she winds up going to the worst children's psych ward in this entire state, in this entire world. It's awful. We've asked this question privately. How many kids need to commit suicide in your psych ward before someone, the state just steps in,

can we take a look? Is it cool? Steps in, we're talking eight. Full shut down, 12. 12 in a row is immediately shut down. It's not the days of Christmas, dude. But these kids committing suicide. But they're forgotten children.

Sure. No one cares. All right. You want to get the statistics out about the suicides in that area? I do not. Okay. Oh, the suicides in that area of a fake town? Yes.

It could be sky high for all you know. But I guess so what you're saying then is when like the hospital so-and-so's like intervene in this film, it's unbelievable to you. It was only three suicides and this guy comes in like, shut it the fuck down. Well, the president at one point of the... The president? President of the hospital. Oh, God,

it's all right. Comes in at one point and it is like, all right, three. Okay, I'm firing somebody. One person. Not the entire staff. Just one person. And that's it. Mommy, there's a child psychiatric hospital in Ohio and the kids keep killing themselves. Yes, that's right. When they're all

we'll move you right in. If only. Two terms too late. Ronald Reagan jokes. It's going to happen. We meet Larry Fishburn, who's an orderly that disappears halfway through the movie.

That's cool. It's crazy. They should have said up front that he's an orderly and a magician to the way he vanishes from this movie. Well, I was saying abducted by aliens, maybe. Maybe that's involved here.

Or maybe you got free to. from the Matrix. Oh, there it is. I don't know. Because like, you could be like Kruger-esque in the Matrix, right?

You could just be, if you're like, if you got the powers that like Neo has, right? You could just be Freddie Kruger in the Matrix, right?

Is this you pitching the fifth Matrix? Yeah, this is it. Yeah, this is it. Okay. I hope there's some wealthy dentists in the audience that help me

with financing. I guess not. No, not many. There was one dentist that was like, well, I'm doing all right for myself. I wouldn't go myself wealthy. I'm not going to raise my hand. First of all, to get around it, this is Eric, of course. Get rid of the X, just to CKS at the end.

The Matrix. Come on. Yeah, I like it. I like it. And we meet a Bill Maher stunt double Craig Watson. Dude, this guy. New rule. Giving him a proper barrel will end Freddie Groove. That is a new rule

You're absolutely right It's a new rule It's a new rule for this movie That's totally right actually You're making up a lot of new rules in this one You know the thing is It's mostly Bill Maher But it's not 100% Bill Maher

Because there's a real deal Mark Summers thing going on with this guy I'm picturing this guy Like introducing a couple of kids sticking their fist up a huge nose You know what Bill Maher is He's the bastard son of a hundred maniacs That's right

Just like Freddy Kruger That was the original title of real time That's why he's funny looking I mean it is funny That Craig Watson and Bill Ma were on like a similar trajectory For a little bit as like low-tier actors They both stayed low-tier actors I would have loved it if we just got like

Serious time with Craig Watson Instead of fucking real time with Bill Maher And Bill Maher does a De Palma movie That would really make me happier than the shit I have to deal with now. Craig Watson would never say the end word on fucking TV. That's true. That's true. But didn't it make you think, dude?

It did, Steve. No, it didn't. No, it didn't. And, you know, basically he's being talked to that this woman is coming in this graduate student because things aren't going so well because, like, again, before this one even starts, some kid has cut his eyelids out. Oh, that's right. And he's like, what are we bringing some hot shot in?

in here for, I'm like, because of the fucking kid that died last week. Jesus. But I don't know, like, she's not even a licensed psychologist. She's a graduate student. You must be really desperate, dude. And it's one. Lousy death

here. All right, yeah. Come on. The numbers weren't enough for Chris. We've got to get to the dozen. Also, though, like, how rad of a cold open is this dude slicing off his own eyelids. I thought I was watching a horror movie here. You're telling me the coolest death happened days before the movie started. Fuck that.

And yeah, he takes Nancy out to talk to her about what's going on. Nancy, who's the protagonist of the first film, and they're having a nice talk, and he's kind of obviously immediately hitting on. I don't know she was attractive. So his, whatever, his problems end really quickly. She drops her bag

and he just grabs this medication and looks at it. He reads it cover to cover. And it's like, dude, it is like what the medication is her full name or fucking address let me see what I'm working

with here I think this chick's nuts perfect enjoy your two free referrals on that it's just like it's none of your goddamn business do you live in restaurant virginia really

okay oh well do you have chlamydia too that's no but this is of course hypno-sill the most important medication in this film that turns out to not matter at all. They were going to use and I guess forgot to do it?

Or they forgot to film the fucking scene of that music. They might have taken it and just forgot to tell anybody. Well, because there's a part of this movie where there's this old lady doctor who is the true villain of the film. Hey, Dr. Sims. This lady should not be working with children. Holy shit.

Like, she's this woman who's like, you know, if you're thinking about suicide, you're just a fucking coward. And I'm like, I don't know if that's a way to work with children. You know, I am kind of cowardly. But she's, like, disgusted by this hypnoil reveal later in the film. She's like, are you, you know, that's experimental. You know that's experimental, Bill Maher.

The thing is, like, I think he even says it, oh, my gosh, I mean, it's just so dangerous for people not to have dreams. Like, the most impactful dream I've ever had is that my mom invented Diet Beach Snapple. That was a dream that I remember. Like, really? Do you know, folks, how impactful that. dream was to him. I've been hearing this for next year. It'll be 20 years. I'm serious.

That's the dream I remember. It's a powerful, powerful image. Steve's always talking about the dream money he's owned from the Snapple Corporation. See, this is proof that dreams don't matter. No, of course not. Put it in the water supply. Floridate

the water with this shit. Fuck dreams. No one should have it. I don't know, man. Just do what I do. Go to bed high as a kite every night. You're not having any fucking dreams? It's totally fine. It works very well. Yeah.

Where's that bourbon? And so that's kind of it. And then is it, she starts to meet the teens, there's a whole ward of teens that are Elm Street teens. Patricia Arquette is going fucking ape shit because she's, you know, this is, it's kind of

low-key, my favorite part of this movie and I'll tell you why. She's having this freak out. She doesn't, they're like, oh, we're going to put you out. You need rest or whatever. and she's losing it, like you do in a night right on the street movie. You don't want to go to bed, right? She kicks Craig Watson right in the dick in this scene. Just a heart, just a punt right to the balls,

and this dude goes down. And if you're sitting there watching the movie like we were, pretending that this guy is Bill Maher, it's awesome because in this movie, Bill Maher gets kicked right in the dick. So this is a very impactful scene for me. I was really waiting for, like, the cartoonishly, the cross should almost go up to his nose.

Go! Two balls fall out of his mouth. It's a nightmare on Elm Street movie. It could happen. It could happen. You don't know what's a dream and what's not. Also, maybe medically it could happen too. You kick it hard enough.

Like the velocity. I don't think so. Listen, I'm no biologist. Is it true? Any doctors? One are invested in Matrix 5? Any ball doctors specifically that can talk. tell us about what happens when they get kicked.

No, I'm sorry. This movie's also kind of like a low-key, like, Welcome Back Cotter riff because Nancy comes back to the old neighborhood. Yeah, totally, dude. Welcome back, welcome back. Now you're dead. Oh, hey, Dr. Sims.

Oh, geez, I don't want any more Hitnessill, man. Oh, geez. Dude. Anyone else on number 50 in the audience? That is what this franchise fucking needed, dude, with some sweat hog-era, Travolta?

Oh, sure. Wouldn't that fix this movie right up? Right up, Steve. That would be perfect in 1985. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, I'm just answering it in a John Travolta movie title. Oh, got me there. Watch, check out that movie perfect if you have it. What's that he's a drag racer? No, it's him and Jamie Lee Curtis

working out and Oh, that's for the entire movie. Lots of boning. That's right. Boning, you say? I believe. Fantastic news. She's touching around some bony, yeah.

So she, like, finishes the nursery rhyme. It's like, you knew. You know. Dude, she had, can I just say, Steve? I'm sorry, but, like, she has the entrance fit for a telenovela because she finishes the nursery rhyme, and then when it cuts to Heather Langenkamp, the fucking soundtrack goes,

B. For, like, just long enough where you're, like, kind of surprised, and then you're like, I knew she was in this, never mind. She was in the trailer, yeah. Oh, I saw it. Oh, fuck. And we meet the kids.

One is Philip, who's a puppeteer. Yikes for that kid, by the way. That's why he's in there. That is why he's in there. Absolutely. That might explain his fate. He was like 17, and he was like, Mom, I know what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I want to play with puppets. And she was like, get to that fucking nut house. And you know, to think we could have killed Jeff Dunham in the cradle. And more people up took this initiative. All the other. The other's going after Hitler. Eric is always after Dunham. Well, that's the thing is Jeff Dunham's dad.

He was at home. He was like, hey, we're going to burn that janitor. You want it? He's like, no, I'm good. And that's the difference. The only reason I'm alive today is because my father didn't participate in the burning of a janitor.

And we got him. We've got Will, who's the Dungeons and Dragon kid. Oh, yeah. He's kind of the saddest kid in the whole movie, isn't he? Apparently, he had an unsuccessful suicide attempt. He's now paralyzed and, like, in his dreams, he can walk. And I'm like, not this movie.

You know what? Maybe not this movie. ABC Family wants this movie. I don't want this movie. It's really sweet. It's really nice. But again, not this movie. No. Here's the thing. When I'm watching a slasher film, especially a slasher sequel, my God.

I don't need to be feeling bad for people. I don't want like emotions to like touch me like let this let this heart just be dead for 93 minutes all the victims should be at the highest point of their life that's why we so often see teens get murdered while they're fucking and getting drunk that's true that's true just don't do it to these kids it's all downhill after that this kid's like he loves dungeons and dragons and he's in a wheelchair like why does this kid need to be sacrificed to Freddy Grueger it's cruel as

Because he's one of the last Elm Street kids. Can we please just get into this right now? Because I want to talk numbers for a quick second. So, okay. That first movie, there are four people that were told the children of Elm Street murderers, right? Nancy, who's still alive in this movie, Rod that hangs himself, or Freddie hangs him in the jail.

I don't remember all the names. The blonde friend of the beginning of one of the worst deaths in horror history. And the rest. Indeed. But so that's like, you know, let's just... And Johnny Depp, that's five. Oh, then Johnny Depp, of course. I forgot about a fountain mattress.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. I forget about that guy all the time anyway. But so, okay, so it's them. So that's like, you know, if you're talking both parents are in the picture, that's eight people. Yeah. Okay, that's like eight, eight folks. Then you're talking about all these other,

these, the final children of Elm Street. How many parents does it take to burn a fucking janitor? It's one janitor. What was the problem? I feel like even Freddy's rules are a little loose. Like, even if you didn't attend, but maybe you made like a Freddie Kruger joke the next week, you're like at the bar.

You're like, hey, Tom, give me a medium rare hamburger. Don't have Freddie Kruger it. You're going to get fucking, your kids are going to get burned. I fucking heard about that remark you made. Yes, and also anybody who was invited or brought beer and sandwiches to the after party of the burning. Oh, that's cool. You're all in.

All your kids are gone. Sorry, dude. Hey, Sam, yeah, no, no, we're going to kill that janitor. Oh, no, you don't have to participate. You want to come to the after party? Yeah, I'm working to double. I can't make the murder itself, but the after party sounds good. No, Sam, could you bring the crudeite and the Miller High Life?

We're going to need both of those. That's no problem. Yeah, we'll bring them out. Thank you. I don't know, man. You're bringing snacks to a celebratory burning. It's more like a cruel dete. Eric jokes.

I love it. I wouldn't be too. smart enough to make that one, though. I feel like eventually it turns into a chain letter situation. You didn't forward me to 40 friends. Now your kids are murdered for some reason. If that was the case, dude, so many dead grandparents. Of course.

Well, I better forward this to my son. Oh, no, that's a franchise I want. Like, the grampy killer. Oh, definitely. Well, that's the thing, too. I don't know, like, so, I know. I got a name for him. Sorry, real quick.

It just hit me. Mailer Demon. The bounce back? Yes. This time, you won't be able to avoid the bounce back. Fuck, yeah, 70s trailer guy. That would be a great one.

But he would also get bored with old people like, oh, I'd kill another person who was dreaming of a sock off again. If I hear that big band shit one more time, we're gonna fucking lose it. Dude Ellington again. God dick! What the hell is a penny social?

Congratulations. You won World War II. Fuck, dream about something else. You know, if I... I might as well just walk around like Tom Broca. I morphed to him quite a bit. I mean... Lose today on Springwood.

A bunch of children died once again. Welcome to prime time, dudes. Vague Tom Broca impressions. I do, but I do think, like, I don't know, like... Yes, obviously, if you're a parent, losing your child is the worst thing in the world. maybe like and eventually then get the parents like Tom John Sacks said if he doesn't get involved

he's gonna live till he's 80 in this movie and not give a shit Freddie's like oh he can live with his grief I guess is that the idea I guess so is he that high-minded the guy who created the blood fountain I guess it's just it's the kids make him horny let's like let's stop shit you know he's a child killer yeah child killer it's a loose term Remember, forget about what happens right before this. Well, the movies do.

We're not making anything up here. It's what the movies do. Although, remember that remake? Yeah, they remade that first motion picture a while back, right? Yeah. That movie, they were like, you know, it was a real great twist. This whole war, this child murderer. What if he didn't do it?

Dude, that fucking remake is like, oh, he was falsely accused. Get out of town. You're the real. Villains, all of you. It wasn't Freddy all this time. No, no, no, no. But Steve, so you were asking, like, why after all these years, like Freddy hasn't come for John Saxon?

Yeah, I mean, just like... Well, because, again, just like me, weed every night you don't dream. John Saxon, he's definitely passing out drunk, blackout drunk, every night. I haven't had a dream since Vietnam, kid. I kind of feel like it's like a thing where, like, it's like, once you turn 25, you could finally rent Dakar, and Freddie Krueger's not legally allowed to kill you anymore. Oh, you age out.

Nancy's on the bubble in this movie. Like, she's like 24 and a half. Oh, fuck, Nancy's in grad school. I better get on it. Soon she'll be disqualified from my dream murder. Did I write these rules? I don't want to be out of jurisdiction. Freddy Krueger's just got these, like, reading glass

and it's going like files through birth certificates. Technically speaking, I can get her. Birthday's coming. She's got to go to like Hellcourt to contest a ticket. Uh, hello, Judge Judy. As you can see, I can haunt and kill this person. Oh, the demon officer didn't show?

Well, I guess I'm getting off on this one. Frederick Kruger, you're awarded $2,500 and you get to kill that girl. Next. Where is the plaintiff? Oh, man. A career made on tapping a water. unbelievable. Judge Judy,

one of the greatest fucking scams in entertainment history. Love it. She'll be going to hell. Oh, for sure. I know she's not dead yet, I don't think. All the fake judges. Her, Judge Janine, all hellbound. Not Judge Joe Brown. Oh, no, he's cool. Okay, good. He never tapped his watch.

Judge Joe Brown, patient TV, judge. So, like, yeah, she beats all the kids, and, like, it's like, okay, we're going to go to we do group. We finally meet. This is what we really meet everybody. We also meet Kincade. Kincaid, yeah. Kincaid, we meet Kincade, we meet...

Joey, who's silent. Oh, until he doesn't have to be anymore. Pivotal point of the film, we'll get to that later. His dream power. Yeah. Talking. I don't have any dream powers. Yeah.

Like, if I go to my dream, it's the most mundane shit in the world. My dream power is being vaguely disliked by a lot of people. Yeah, yeah. That's the... Sometimes dream. become a reality. Yeah, I feel like I could run really fast in a dream once.

Not even like Flash. Like somebody who's just like 50 pounds lighter than I am. Just one time, you just want to do one successful sprint without spraining your ankle? Not having to feel too heavy in the chest, you know? Got it. Okay. No fire up there.

And, you know, it becomes very clear like they're all being stalked back Freddy Kruger, Nancy is very aware of this early on. Patricia Riquette's mother is. just like, oh, she just wants attention. And it's like, I don't know, man. Like, I think you should probably visit your daughter once in the mental institution.

Totally. Food and time. Yeah, no, you're totally right. And also, like, someone should have been like, hey, you know what, take two? This ain't Sunset Boulevard. You want to dial that back just a little bit? Listen, I was talking to my dealer last night,

and he said all she wants is attention, okay? Look, what's going on? My boyfriend, who was busy giving me the dirty dick at the time. Uh, he told me that she just wants attention. And through swigs of whiskey, he was able to get this mention out. How dirty was it? Dirty enough that you're banging some springwood lady, man. I don't know.

On a spring bread, uh, bed. Bread, oh, boy. Spring bed, yes. Move on. I thought you were saying something. Unless anyone wants to invest in the film. Spring bed. I do not.

I thought you were saying spring bread. dude, because, of course, John Saxon, star of Nightmare Beach, the greatest spring break horror film of all times. She goes to, Nancy Grabs from Patricia Arcade. Like, could you imagine you go, you're investigating, you know, you're a grad student, you're like, you know, I'm going to make a fresh start. I know it's in my old town. Why did this lady make a fucking paper mache thing on my house?

It's a great question. It's a great question. And the thing is, when she discovers this, it's not that, right? It's just she kind of looks at it. It's like, probably going to have to ask her about that, huh? instead of like, are you kidding me? Like this movie, void of any and all, are you kidding me?

Yes, big time. It would be funny. She's just like, can I have that? She just walks outside and throws in the garbage. She goes on a date with Craig Watson at one point. I feel like this movie might be the first instance in American cinema where a Thai restaurant is mentioned. Yes.

Because he's just like, would you like to go with me to this Thai restaurant? Like, looks right at the camera and it's like, you might not be ready for this America. It's a Thai restaurant. It's the new, hip, fresh cuisine that all Americans should try. Dude, and she has some line about, like, oh, this restaurant wasn't here.

They must have opened it when I was at school. And he's like, yes, it's a fantastic New Springwood Thai restaurant. Hello, Middle America. Are you aware that there are hundreds of thousands of people in your country from Thailand? Anybody? No. Yes, we are still disgusted with Japanese food,

but Thai food. That's right. The 80s, American pop culture was on a full kick of like, oh, sushi. It's not fish, it's noodles, folks. Mostly the Thai cuisine. Would you ever see it between

where he is like, it's basically the 1987 equivalent of like stalking someone on Instagram? He's like looking up her medication online. Yeah, this dude should be like with the doctor equivalent of disbarred, loses license. He's like accidentally liking medication.

She was on three times ago. And then, like, he's in huge trouble. Wait, three in the morning, he was liking my past medication. What is that? I haven't been on that in three years. Oh, what a weirdo. The medications I was taking when I was in Honolulu. I was wearing a bikini when I was taking that bikini.

Oh, oh. So this poppy kid gets killed, huh? Oh, man. It's good, but... It still goes, man. It gross. It grossed the entire room of people I was with last night. I'll be honest.

I like the death, but I was a little teased because it starts with a claymation, Freddy Krueger, and for a moment, for one moment, you think you're about to get a Freddy Kruger tool video. You think this is about to happen. A sick fucking bass line starts playing, those little puppets watch. Yeah, honestly, not enough puppet.

If you're going to invest the time and money to make this puppet dance around, it's got to be the whole scene. Oh, I'm a puppet master. Wait, that's another franchise. Now I'm getting sued. Oh, no, it's a cease and desist. Oh, wait, oh, wow, this kid loves hockey so much.

What if I wore a hockey? Oh, okay, I see. I got it. No, no, it's fine. I don't have to be good. Oh, this kid really loves William Shatner. Oh, what? Oh, all right, yeah, none of that, huh?

Okay. Why don't you just send me a list of what I can't do, all right? I mean, like, it is a little bit of a tease. It's some cool stop motion. the puppet's weird looking and it's like oh shit this little puppet it's going to kill this guy. Yeah. Much worse what happens to this kid. He dreams

that like parts of his like veins or tendons are getting pulled out like marionette wires. Holy smokes folks. We got a movie on our hands here now. And Kincaid that son of a bitch is wakes up and he's like Philip wake up but he's like enjoy your dream

asshole. I'm like no idiot remember we made a pact like if you ever see me walking around wake me fuck up because I'm being Kruegered at that exact moment. But I appreciate this death because we get to see the big man in the sky. Freddie Kruger is God.

It is a pretty cool visual. I always suspected. He, what, Philip walks through a wall like a ghost and it's like, okay movie. This is when yeah, no, this is when the movie starts doing stuff. We were like, I'm not sure if you're allowed to. Oh, fuck it.

It's not worth spending the mental energy. trying to figure out how that could successfully walk through the door. You know who you sound exactly like? Wes Craven. Yeah. He got the script rewriters like,

yeah, fine. Yeah, did the check clear? Fuck it. Yeah, he walked through a wall. Sounds great. Can't wait there.

Rented on video. We've really secured the producer title in there. Okay, great. Cool. Whatever you want to do. Whatever you want to do. And he basically gets chucked off a roof.

You get a cool, like... The creepy bell tower, dude. Yes. We get that shot of all of the kids watching this, like the friends watching sex from across the room? Yes, totally. They were like, oh shit, ugly naked guy's fucking. Oh, and that kid committed suicide, but ugly naked guy was fucking. At a psych ward, I guess that's what you could watch, right?

We's naked. It is weird, though, that, like, not a single attendant from this facility bothers in the least to save this child. they've all been told that this place is closing right oh wow fire sale dude all these kids must go this this kid the phil the puppet kid is walking across this lady's vision very slowly for like it feels like five minutes it's just like looks like some good gardening equipment for next fall she's in the middle of eating dinner i think is the thing she's just looking down the whole time i'm like this is literally your only job Note to patients at hospitals, don't, you know, find yourself in a crisis when the staff is eating dinner. Yeah, you want to be ready to go.

Yeah. Ready to go. That's right. And so he's dead. And then the next day, we're in group and everyone's upset. And this is what it's like, oh, yeah, it's a cowardly way out, even though that's exceedingly what keeps happening in this facility. It's your fault, kids, not ours. He's going really hard in this scene.

He failed us. I don't know what to tell you. He's a failure for killing himself. Yeah, that friend of yours that just died that kind of looks exactly like Sean Ashton, yeah, that guy, he's a coward. He's a total coward. And you know what?

He deserved what happened. Anyway, let's continue with our therapy. How do you feel? This is when Craig Wassett does what I want to do, even though I would have to, like, figure out how to do it. We'd just kind of like lurk on a funeral. You know what I mean? Like a funeral's going on over there.

and you're like, ooh, that guy's dark. Like, if I was single, that's what I would do, like, just hang out by a tree, like, that guy's dark. Sounds really cool. It sounds really cool, right? Can I just ask a question really quickly? Yeah, sure.

What do nuptials have to do with it? Because then ladies would be like, ooh, look at that guy, hanging out by that tree. Oh, I see. Look at that mysterious dude over there. Attended this funeral in a The Flash T-shirt he did. It's a black flash t-shirt for some reason. I guess he's in mourning, just like the rest of us.

And he started to flash us. It's just, it's kind of a cool move. I don't know. Just being like sitting by a tree, kind of watch at a funeral, kind of not. Yeah, Uncle Henry's funeral was going just fine until some short weirdo whipped his dick out. Hold on.

That was not part of my plan. It's gotta be really clear. Well, sometimes you get in the moment, dude, you're like, this funeral stalking is going really great. You know, we'll make it better. Maybe if I whip my dick out. You perfectly hide behind a tombstone. So no one sees what you're doing

And then you pop out Dude you pop out and you go Try to bury this And just do like Like you're down low like this Do you look like Danny DeVito wiggle I don't think so That wasn't my idea

Again my idea was to sort of like Hang out gothly by the others You know I don't care who I'm burying I'm gonna crack a smile at that Oh you have to I mean if you're doing that fucking waggle With a frown man

Then you're gonna turn people away But, Craig Watson runs into the fucking mother of Craig Krueger of all people. Who would have guessed? What are the odds, dude? Of all the fucking cemeteries in all the world, this creepy nuns sachets into this one. It's really my favorite thing in the world is a lying ghost. Oh, dude. This ghost is fibbing the whole movie.

I'm Sister Helena, and I've heard of this nurse named Amanda Kruger, and something happened to her. You know? Something bad. Ghosts are usually liars, right? They're always up to shit. I don't know. Jacob Marley was pretty forthright. You're going to fucking hell.

Yeah. He was giving it straight. Well, you know, he's haunting a rich guy. He needed some decorum, you know. Sure. They were old pals. That's true. And, yeah, so he, like, kind of gets the scoop,

like, maybe something's up with this Freddy Kruger. This is when he goes on a date and a post... Nancy walks up to him like she's attending a Blade Runner funeral. Did anyone notice this afternoon? Dude, she's dressed exactly like Sean Young. Holy shit. You're totally right. It's really something.

Wow. It's a perfect replicant of Nancy. She leaves a little fucking unicorn on the grave. Why would I attend the funeral? Why would I attend the funeral? Of course I were killed a turtle. I'd fucking smash that thing. Are you fucking serious?

And they go home for a nice after hours. There's definitely a script in which they have sex, but thankfully it's not in this movie. Yeah. Where it's just like, she's like, oh, you know, I think all these kids are dying because, you know, of why I'm here. And he's like, why is that? And we kind of cut to this hypnotism scene. Like, apparently, and Craig Watson was explained what happened in that scene.

And then in the next scene, he's acting like it's new information kind of a thing when she explains it to him. Yeah, well, because you don't see her, like, give the story because, like, who could possibly care? Like, we all know it. Sure. Well, that is some pretty economical editing, but I mean, like, my question is, again, how horny are you immediately after a funeral? Because, like, even though we don't see it, there's, listen, listen, listen. Oh, I guess it's dirty.

You're durring. Okay, got it. There's like a roaring fire. She has wine poured. The hair is down. This dude is sexually leaning against, you know, a wall. A dinner has been made. It was not ordered.

It was made. It was made. You know what? It's going to get cold because we're getting distracted. Look, Craig Watson is clearly like full bar horny. Yes. That's what I'm saying. Nancy is may half, maybe. Like, she doesn't seem as into it.

Craig Watson is pulled, he's all the way down on the gas. I'm just saying like, well, he knows her entire fucking medical history at this point, dude. Well, that's true. I heard that medication makes you a little horny. Does it? She goes for a glass wine. Should you be drinking on your, oh, nothing. I don't know.

Triptophan I'm just saying that in this point of the movie I'm fairly confident this is where the sex scene happened and they got rid of it so that's again that's why it's weird

you're like tickety tack typing this movie and it's like you know what we just had the funeral scene what's next fucking and the same day fucking will have circle of life my friend circle of life that's true

that's true we just put one kid in the ground create a new one yeah a new sacrifice These are all fake people. Why are you getting upset? It's a fucking 30-year-old movie. Oh, yeah. Now, this has never happened yet?

Like, oh, I see your grand kid coming. That's actually true, dude. Any of these Elm Street kids have other kids in their own? That's a good question. Don't, you know, skin the cat or shear the whole sheep just yet. Excuse me? What's the thing when you're not- Shear the whole sheep, you say?

Yeah, what's the thing where you're not supposed to do all the thing at one? Is this in the cemetery still? No, it's the, oh gosh. Something about the golden goose. You don't want to pluck all the feathers. Count all your chickens before they hatch? We're on the fourth one now, by the way. I don't know all your folksy shit, Steve.

Anyways, I'm just saying if you leave a couple of these kids alive, then they can have kids. And now... Now I've got a lifelong career. That's job security right there. Exactly. Because what happens if he kills them all? Like, you just, well, that's, I think they're his unfinished business, dude.

Then he can just, like, descend to hell peacefully. Heaven? And so that last day, it's like, oh, grandkids now, Freddy, you're going to go up for great. Okay. This is when Freddie Krueger jumped the shark with grandkids. Well, Lisha, your great, great, great, great grandfather 700 years ago. Ooh, dude, that's the reboot, right? It was some, like, fucking Civil War murder, maybe?

Oh. Get that going. No, I just say, what is the Fred Kruger in Waterworld? He's like, ooh, going to the future. Yeah, exactly. You're going to drink your own pit. Oh, you're doing it already? Oh, God damn it.

The earth beat me too, it. Yeah, he's like, oh, yeah, you're going to die. Oh, you're excited for that because everything's terrible. Yeah, that makes sense. Oh, cool, a mutant deathfish. Oh, there's only one. Actually, that'll be rag, though. And it's like, it's Freddy Kruger on, like, the bottom of the new ocean,

which is like streets of Manhattan. Yeah. And he's just kind of walking around like Mario. That's cool. We're all them kids. Hmm. Like he doesn't know what happened. Make something.

His hat can, like, take off and be its own thing, too. Yes. Like, look, all I'm saying is, maybe it's a movie. Yeah, he starts killing, like, schools of fish. I guess they're kind of like children. You're fuck, Nemo. And so this is when we realize, like, maybe we all have dream powers. Maybe we are indeed Dream Warriors.

Dream Warriors. And they get hypnotized, and we find out, it's kind of amazing. And, like, so, like, Patricia R. Katz, like, what can you do? She's like, I could do a backflip. Wow, that's really cool. What could you do? Is Terran? Will?

And he's like, well, in my dreams, I could walk, and everyone's kind of sad. Oh, that's great. Jeff. Yeah, and he has, like, magic powers, and Taryn wakes up. He's like, I'm badass. And then Kincaid, who's the one black character in this entire thing, like, I can brand things. And the guy's like,

Kincate, could you stop already? That's very unnerving. It's like, okay. Yeah, that's what he says. Could you stop that? That's really, uh, that really scares me. No reason. I have to go back to the suburbs.

Dude, in this part of the movie, he's like, hey, Craig Wasson, you shut the fuck up, man. Let that kid twist that chair leg. Yes. He should die and Heather Lankap should just be the head of all this, honestly.

Nothing else makes sense. It's almost as if the movie, should have just done that. Get this Bill Maher-looking motherfucker out of here. Also, Steve, we skipped over. Oh, the best. Of course. I mean, you assigned your own name

to it at the start of this whole thing, but there's other girl. I think it's Jennifer. Sure, fuck it. Jennifer, who wants to be like the big TV star, whose whole thing is like, I like burn myself with cigarettes to stay awake. Larry Fishburn, I gotta say,

I'm the hook for this death. Because, like, this girl's, like, sitting there watching TV after hours and he comes in, like, you know you shouldn't be doing this, right? I'll let you do it. No. You're a fucking attendant at a mental institution. Let's get this girl to bed. Lock that door. These kids are dying.

We should explain exactly what happens here. She's watching TV. Sure. There's a, uh, Jaja Gabor. Jaja Gabor. And Dick Havitt Havitt. Are having a little interview. Dick Havitt happens into Freddie Kruger.

Which I never knew he was Dick Havitt, everyone. Big surprise. Holy. Up next on the show, Groucho. That's why Dick Havitt, he kind of, like, didn't he go to a little mentally? He took a break from everything for a while. Maybe that's why he was killing kids in Ohio. Entirely possible.

That's right. So his excuse was like TV burnout. Yeah. But he was just coming to Ohio to kill a bunch of kids. Got it. Yes, he was. Got it. Got it.

And then there's so there's all this snow after that. she goes up to it Freddy picks her up Well the TV turns into Freddy Krueger It's got a little robot arms Dude it looks like little like Terminator skeleton arms Not too shabby It's like short circuit arms and they

Ooh actually way more accurate They're Johnny 5 arms Rolls her up welcome to prime time bitch puts her in This Lawrence Fishburne comes into the room Finds a lady with her head In the TV hanging from the TV Like six feet of her death

ruled a suicide. Explain it to me. There needs to be a trampoline in the room. She needs to get a running start and jump and go into the TV. That's right. It's the only way that makes sense. Well, I'm going to call something

the Sonic the Hedgehog theorem. Perhaps she spin her legs so fast. She just jumped up there. That kind of kill should be reserved for Willie Wonka. Totally. You think Timothy Chalemay is going to be pulling a bunch of kids through television sets in that dumb movie? I will say Jennifer's death here, the TV death. Probably the death.

If I got a menu, that's the one I would pick. What? Yeah, dude. You would have your face broken with TV glass. Yes, TV glass. And then be electrocuted? Over the puppet thing. The puppet one is the bottom.

That's the bottom. That's the bottom. Big time. Drug girl, big next. the bottom. I'm not doing drug girl death where my wounds are talking like little weird Hey Steve, let's get high No, let's not

Let's fucking just... Is that 80-valiant? And also like Roger, you're shooting horse again? Not to be whatever, but the pun is kind of funny. Like, welcome to prime time. I kind of die with a smirk. Like, oh, it's kind of... That's a good one. That's pretty good. Well, he murdered me, but

at least it was with a brilliant quip. Look, Wizard Boy gets one claw in the heart And that seems like it And he's dead, dude, yep That's pretty good Or like the Arquette thing Like just slit my wrists Friday, come on But she lives, she lives

I know, but I wouldn't But Steve, I just am curious Why do you think that this Getting your face smashed through a tube television Is preferable? It just seems quick, dude And you know what? There's not a lot of stabbing shit

It's just, you're out This is your diva thing. This is the one that would get you in the news Yeah, that's true Nah, yeah It's pretty memorable. Coming up, a murder that we wouldn't have reported on at all, except this dude died very coolly.

A little boy became the star of his favorite TV show. An edit across the desk here, this was a suicide. There was no trampoline in the room. That doesn't make any sense. There is an unexpected guest on the Dick Cabot show tonight. Are you expecting us to believe that this little boy could jump that hide, put his face into a television. Well, there was a pogo stick

within about a mile. Here, that folks, there's a pogo stick. They're shipping them in from Venezuela. Catch him in bed with a pogo stick. Hey, what? So they have a dream, a mutual dream. This is when Joey, who's been flirt, who has a crush on one of the nurses.

Sure. Goes, and also... Oh, boy. Oh, Joey. I thought we were done. You're talking about the boob tube. Oh. Wow, that sucks.

I love it. It really did. A lot of pointless nudity in this scene. She's like, hey, Joe, I have always liked you. And immediately, like, well, that's a lie. I must be in some sort of fantasy at this point. Well, because we've already seen, she's being wooed by, like, cinema's biggest scumbag attendant.

This other guy who's, like, going after the girl with the drug problem. And it's like, you know, I could get you fucked up. you want to have your life be hard again come with me yeah I'm an attendant to this facility definitely they staffed this entire asylum with people that like were kicked out of the Robocop gang these are all the worst people in history except Larry Fishburn

I mean look he beefed on that fucking television suicide call otherwise but also he seems to have left the building for good without telling anybody that's true I will say say what you want about Jason Voorhees, but Jason would not let this son of a bitch live. The guy, orderly would be like murdered in a really cool way.

But he's over 26, so Freddy can't touch him. But do you think, well, what did his dad do? Oh, no, he wasn't there. His dad was out of town when I was burnt. I can't touch him. You think, like, when this movie came out, like Jason and Michael and Leatherface got together and they were just watching it,

and they were just like, wait, what? He did what? It's fucked up, man. You let that guy go. We would all. Definitely killed that guy. Oh, and that creepy old lady, doctor, she would have been dead.

They're like, just go get off. Fucking Scott Freed's unbelievable. All those guys are good guys you just listed. Freddy is an asshole. They're looking at it like game tapes. Like, I wouldn't have done that there. Absolutely not. No, no, no, no, no.

They're taping the opponent. All right, let's see. How does Freddie do it in this one? Let's get out of the marker. The problem was right here, Pat. You see, Freddie Kruger came into the room there and pulled the girl through the television, tried to make it look like a suicide.

That's no suicide to me, Pat. That's all I'm saying. John Madden. Classically in this situation, you would see a decapitation. But he went straight for the gutty, straight for the gutting. Patricia Arquette.

Ooh, spin move, backflip over Freddie Krueger. Right there. Right there. But Joey's making out with this nurse. She gets really naked. And this is the tongue scene, man. What is this? You got to up?

Listen, if your first film has a wild tongue moment, you've got to get back in these sequels and up the tongue game. I suppose. No, definitely. That's a rule. It's too overboard, though. I don't even know whose tongue this is. Yeah.

You don't know where his ends and hers starts. It becomes singular tongue. And then there's tongue projectiles. Yes. They're tongue rope, which seems pretty inventive. Yeah. If there's anyone that wants to find it. doctors again. Doctors would have access to the tissue

we would need to reanimate to make those tongue ropes. You are right though because at one point like the whole thing's coming out of both their mouths, it's a real like tongue of war and like this kid's got like the whole hand wrapped around this thing. It looks like a big juicy cock, none for nothing. It does. I'm sorry, it does. And I guess Chuck Russell had seen Indiana Jones at the Temple of Doom already.

so we just do that again really quickly like it's just a big fiery pit and nothing yeah just drop the kid to no fire bit I love the effect of he's like I forget what the Freddie line is but whatever he says

to like open the floor and this kid's like hilariously like his mattress falls to hell kind of great oh yeah what was it tongue tied or something he says to him like is the mute kid right

oh or cat got your tongue maybe yeah I watch the movie they all wake they're all waking up woken up by this tongue-tied, someone confirmed tongue-tied. Thank God. Thank you. Thank God.

Thank you for watching the movie. Excellent. And thank you reporting back on it. What did you think about it? It's not right. It was fine. It was fine. Not bad. But Lawrence Fishburn, yeah, you're next. He disappeared. He did disappear. Turns out. Went to the edge of movie town and was never seen again.

I love they wake up, they all woke it up by the head of the hospital. The evil lady, she's like, what is going on here? And the kid is, you know, in a coma. And this is when, like, you know, all power is taken away from Craig Watson. But I think on his record, it's like, you were sleeping with your page. Like, well, not, I was sleeping in the same room.

And we weren't sleeping together, but, like, separately. You're totally right, because this old lady walked into this room and everybody is just on the floor passed down. And she's like, it fucking finally happened. I knew it. This dirty-ass pervert. You know, he looks like that Bill Maher.

And this is when Craig Wassett is fired along with Nancy, and he winds up having a very long conversation with the nun where she tells him the whole story of Amanda Kruger who got leftover. Also, we say over a holiday, I just feel like inside the world of like 24-hour medical institutions or psychiatric institutions, holidays kind of don't matter. Like, you know what I mean?

It's like, oh, it's Christmas, it's really dead here. You're like, no, people are still here, right? Like, it's just like high school. You had two weeks off. But it's like, she's... The holiday weekend, she says. No, it's the holidays, which if you really want to stretch it out in this country, it's fucking Thanksgiving through the new year.

How long was this facility closed? What are you talking about? And, you know, she was stuck in there with all the maniacs and Freddie Kruger. They all had a chance, we'll say. And Freddie Kruger is the son of a hundred maniac. Which is not how biology works. He'd be the son of one maniac. We just don't know which of the maniacs.

Have we done enough studies on that? We are. We're good. Well, you know, I don't know. Maybe they joined the... No, I mean... Like a super tadpole or whatever. A super tadpole.

I think that's exactly what it's called. The super tadpole. Is it really muscular, Eric? Bend over and I'll show you. Uh-huh. All I'm saying is I should get residuals for me. Mamma Mia. I don't know.

Sounds kind of similar. All this information is also none of his business. Absolutely. Freddy Kruger, here I go again. Ah, ha. Son of a nun.

By the way, those two Mamma Mia motion pictures, excellent. Excellent. Oh, you'll have a fucking blast. Oh, my God. Dude will put joy right in your heart. Freddy Kruger's in him?

Yes. Oh, fantastic. I'm definitely watching them then. That's about, like, the bastard son of three maniacs? That's right. That's right. Pierce Brosnan, Stellen Scarsgard, and Colin Firth. Three total maniacs.

Yeah, wild and crazy guys. She tells him the only way to kill Freddy Kruger finally is to put his bones in hollowed ground, ladies and gentlemen. Just brand new. Just making this shit up as we go along. Yeah, it's a new rule. You know, it's like, can we just have... one slasher movie

where the fucking church is left out of it this is out of nowhere in this shit oh how Lord God stop it well they ran out of ideas okay got it got it

then somehow managed to produce like three or four more of these fucking things you know what we're going on so you need to be a Mormon tabernacle that's the only way

it's gonna have pardon me what's going on in there everybody's marrying sister wives and whatnot what's a tabernacle don't ask me it's a word I know

but a definition I don't. It's like their clubhouse. Yeah, yeah. Just change it up a little bit. Greek Orthodox. Exactly. Oh, sure. The big huge black hats, absolutely.

It's easy enough. Awesome. That would be good. And so him and Nancy are driving Craig Lawson. It's like, well, we've got to go find someone who knows where Freddie Kruger's buried. And who could that be, Steve?

John Saxon. Find a fucking league. Yes. Yes. Love him. Saxon, dude. I think he should be in all these movies. He dies in this movie. He should be in all of them.

Like as a Dr. Loomis character, just kind of like two steps behind Freddie Kruger the entire time. Oh, Kruger, you ruined my fucking life. Twice. I'm chasing you to the edge of hell, buddy. Well, where Loomis just gets more obsessed and more like certain of like death's grow.

Hold on us all. He should just get drunker. Yes. Oh, totally. Drunker in each sequel. Like, he can't even talk in a new nightmare. Oh, that would be great, dude. Like, his whole, like, dialogue

and the last one is, like, just mumble-mouthed nothing. But it still starts with starring John Sachs. I'm so drunk, I can't get hurt. Oh, totally. I fell down the stairs getting here, Freddie. Kruger, I'm invincible. I've obliterated my mind. I can't dream no more, Kruger.

He's at Little Nemo's Bar. Do you get it? And they, uh, they, uh, they, Nancy and Craig mustn't show up, and he's like, oh, Princess, I wish you'd forget about that Freddy Kruger business. You burn one janitor, your whole fucking life is ruined.

My God. Look, Princess, I'm going around telling everybody your mother died in a car accident. I didn't notice till this watch that he's no longer a cop. It's a security guard. It's beautiful. Listen, dude, when you are the sheriff

of a town, okay, and someone dies by blood fountain I guess I'm Gardner Caldores Yeah totally dude You're stealing CDs over there Like that's

Princess what do you want to hear If I could go back Would I not burn the janitor? Yes now 20 years later Sure I'd leave that janitor alone I gotta say though at the time It was fucking exhilarating Dude everybody was there

My God I just kind of got caught up With the movement It was all woodstock And we're not even in the remake yet. It was the right thing to do. That was like the fifth or sixth one we killed. I had no idea. That one would have magic powers.

It's stunning that they remade that movie and didn't throw a role to him. I know. What the fuck are you doing? Bummer. He was still with us. Use the time that we have left. That's all I'm saying. If you have the opportunity to put a washed up B actor in your movie,

do it. You definitely have one row where a judge says sustained. That could be Johnson. Sacksson, who's stopping you? Because then we'll watch it, and then the four of us will go, fuck yeah! And, you know, they're not getting anywhere with John Saxon. That's the name of John Saxon's podcast, by the way,

not getting anywhere with John Saxon. I love that. Welcome back or whatever. I don't give a fuck. Welcome to Stuck in Neutral with John Saxon. Yeah, we will eventually get to our guest, but if you've listened to this show, we probably won't. it's just the part of the podcast

where I kind of do business up at the top but it takes an hour and a half and we never get anywhere pow I just shit my pants you imagine him doing ad rates like that would be fucking awesome it would be amazing oh you got a free month of serious whatever the fuck that is

great thanks for sponsoring me I guess now for the next segment rate my wig serious XM you can accent my tukas Saxon's piece in this movie looking pretty on point It's nice, it's a good piece Pretty cool Because of the character he's buying here

It can look a little disheveled It should look a little disheveled But that's the thing, right? In the movie where he's allowed to look like shitty looks great In that first movie They didn't have a handle on that wig at all It was outrageous

The wig was a fucking fifth-built character It did some of the murders, I think And meanwhile, back at the hospital Patricia Arquette's being stuck in the quiet room and sedated so everybody calls, beeps Craig Watson, so he's like,

all right, Nancy, you go back to the hospital, I'm going to go tell your father what's what. And I mean, like, he shoves John Saxon, enter the dragons, John Saxon.

He would, John Saxon would fold this guy like a fucking shirt. You know what I mean? I'm sorry. It's not going to happen. I would love to see that, too. Look, listen, this movie is about a fucking,

the spirit of a murdered child killer who comes back through the dreams of, of children and murders them. But the most unbelievable part of this film is that this asshole roughs up John Saxon and lives to tell the tale.

Are you serious? John Saxon would have pulled a king shark and ripped him right half. Right upstep this, like that. You know, I burned people for less. You're lucky you're not a janitor. You're on my firebook, baby. Ooh, welcome back to John Saxon's

firebook. I like that too. This is our podcast where we take calling things about adult themes, Firebook. They're driving around and he's like, now where did I put that, Janet? No, was it, I've killed so many Janet.

All right, hold on, hold on. All right, it's not a shallow grave in the desert, that ain't it. This is 76. I probably lived on Elm Street at the time. Oh, and all right, so at that time we were using the junkyard on the west side of town. Also, so many junkyards in this town.

I'm getting all turned around. You might have read about me, kid. BTK. I pinned it on some nerd named Dennis Radar. Some nerd named Dennis Radar. Some nerd named Dennis Raider. You see the glasses on that guy? Fucking nerd.

Yeah, he went to my high school. I used to pull up him. by his trousers. Yeah, he goes by bound, torture, and kill. I call him nerd. So they get to the junkyard. Oh, I'm so magic with duct tape. Oh.

They get to the junkyard. Oh, you go, please. There's more BTK content. The gag is keep interrupting him, you see. Listen, I could also hang myself in the bath. Anyway. Thank you. Hey, wait, is Dennis Raider dead?

No, no, no. I think he used to masturbate that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it. A little erotic. Wild. This guy knows it. He liked a good parody.

That guy didn't say shit. What do you expect? Hey, front row. That's what you get. He nodded enthusiastically. They... They go to the junkyard, Penny Brothers junkyard, obviously.

Oh, man, sorry about all those false stops. Other janitors, you understand. Oh, this is the wrong janitor. This is the one that stole my stash. I'm sorry, we got to go across town. Craig Watson's like, I hear you. I fucking hate janitors too, John Saxon. And so they find where Freddie Kruger's buried.

Meanwhile, Nancy takes all the kids. And Lawrence Fishburn's final and totally uneventful scene, she lets her see the kids. They do one more hypnotism scene and they're all together kind of a thing. So do you think maybe it was a thing where Larry Fishburn was like, look, I'm about to clock out. I'll unlock this door, but I'm going home. So whatever happens

you after that, just remember, I'm off the clock. Off the clock and out of the movie. I mean, it's career of suicide, so I would just walk out the door after that. Yeah, go see the kids. The thing I was told explicitly not to do, go do it. You have to have another job already. This is like the end of your two

weeks notice. You're like, literally, my goodbye party's 30 minutes. Yeah, go go see those kids. They got a cake for me in the reception area. See, that's I wish we knew a little more about this Larry Fishprint character, right? Because he's like, look, I've been looking to get out of this place, you know, for ages now. I got a new gig with the old Nut House and Haddonfield looks to be pretty uneventful there. It'll be awesome.

He's got like one of those birthday hats with the points on top of him while he's letting her in. No, go ahead. Go right in. So she goes and it's like, you know, it's finally, let's Dream Warrior it up. Let's all use our... Dream Warriors! Let's use all of our skills. Kincaid.

Could you keep it down, though? for whatever reason yours bothers me it's just a little too much okay and this is when you know Freddie Krueger's really because usually he's like one night

one kill a night but he's like oh if you're all coming in together and get the group rate the group race oh I shouldn't have killed that kid at lunch this is gonna be full oh boy oh do you think when he's like

I can get my knives up oh boy I did it in the afternoon is this like a kid buff Faye then? Thanksgiving kills, I'm right? And this is so first he kills

Taryn, this is when she's like in the scuzzy alleyway, yeah. If I'm having dreams where I'm quote unquote badass, maybe my knives aren't two and a half inches long. Maybe they're a touch bigger to deal with Freddy. Maybe I have a gun.

Possibly. A machete switchblade would be great. Yeah, it's a dream. You do whatever you want, man. You're totally right, because, like, the movie tries to pass this off as impressive, and she's, like, you know, I'm beautiful. And it's one of those things where it's, like, you gave her, like, a huge mullet or a mohawk. Like, she was beautiful before, whatever.

And then she's like, and I'm badass. And two, like, Swiss Army knives pop out. You're like, all right, well, let me know when the badass part starts. Now, my children, you may have any power you so wish. I would like a mohawk and, uh, two knives. The Swiss Army, oh, so that's why

the Swiss Army is always neutral. Yousa. Yep. Apologies to the Swiss attending. You should be sorry. Oh, they wouldn't say nothing. You're right, they're neutral. That's why no one said a fucking word. Yeah, that was literally what I said.

No one fucking laughed at all. And this is when, yeah, this is when her little wounds become mouths kind of a thing. They don't disturb me quite as much. as those foot commercials where like there it's like a little face on your toenail and it's like I need ointment or whatever no it's the fucking we were talking about this on something recently it's the john goodman finger thing sports gambling app commercial words do you guys have this here

it's john goodman on the tip of your finger like those dumbass fucking thumb movies from the 90s like you know what's great about gambling the ease are using your finger me your finger and it's just like John Goodman's face. You're putting it down your pants again. No. But that's the thing. It's like this weird orifices that are happening

that shouldn't be orifices. Listen, thumbs and fingers should not have teeth. Okay. And that's the problem with those movies. Thumb Tannock and whatnot? Fuck that shit. Say what you bought.

I loved Barton Thumb. I thought he was fantastic in it. Barton Thumb. I'll show you the callous of the mind. Yes. And, you know, He just uses her addiction against her. Pretty shitty, honestly.

You know, looking back on my career retrospective, that was one I felt terrible about, that girl had a real problem, and I sent her to the grave thinking about it. She was in recovery. She was. She was making strides. Exactly, you piece of shit, Freddie Krueger.

And this goes back to why that orderly who was trying to get her back on drugs was not murdered. Because, listen, all you have to do is have this dude fall asleep. on the job. Exactly. And then Freddie Cooger kills him

because who gives a shit? Yeah. Gives a shit. Kill that guy. It'd be nice to have a body count. That's not just kids. Plus, watching a dude that scuzzy look

and get iced pretty funny. And so she dies by like heroin, which again, it's pretty bad. But it's not heroin though. It's like fucking windshield wiper fluid. Yeah.

Yeah, don't inject that. Also don't do that. Yeah. It will kill you and will not cure COVID. Sometimes the movies are make-belief. Every once in a while, the movies are make-believe. I think one out of five.

Will has a nightmare where Andre the Giants' wheelchair is coming after him. I mean, this thing is fucking enormous. It's crazy. Looks like the throne for like a troll king. Yes. Sure, I can't get around the ring anymore, but I can chase you around the hospital. Listen, I had a mild heart. accident, but they have to

wheel me out of the hospital this way. Look out, Nancy, how comes your death by wine? We should all get under a trench coat for this impression. We need the modulator that Freddy uses for Andre the Giant, dude. That guy was big. Who Freddy or Andre the Giant?

Both. Sure. I think we should just get those for most of our impressions at this point. I just want a big trench coat. I don't know. It seems kind of And it sucks because Will's like, what if I wore a Dracula coat? It's like, that's all they had at the store kind of thing. That's what's embarrassing, right? Is they can't even honor this kid's like what turns out to be his last witch, right?

Because he's like, in my dreams. Because he's shown, we didn't mention this, he's shown earlier in the film, you know, he dares to enjoy things like dungeons and dragons and whatnot. And so the movie has to punish him for this by having this humiliating fucking death where he's just like, in my dreams, I'm a war. your wizard, and then, like, he transforms, but it's just a Dracula case.

Yeah. But his magic works enough. It blows up Andre the Giants' wheelchair. Oh, no, how am I going to get around now? Shock, ble, bleh. Look, all you needed to give him was a fake beard and those pointy hat with a bunch of moons on it. Oh, I love a moon hair.

Real like Merlin looking motherfucker, right? That's it. That's out with the Spirit Halloween up the street head. This, I mean, I'm sorry, but Bella Lagossey was buried in this fucking thing. It looks terrible. And, you know, he's like, well, I don't believe in fairy tales kid. Totally.

Which is kind of cool. You know what, editors, though, I need to see that heart. Removed. It's like a cut. And I, you know, correct me if I'm wrong, ladies and gentlemen. I thought we were watching a horror movie. No, you weren't, it was a series of fade to whites is what you were watching. A lot of commercial break editing in this movie.

You're totally wrong. Right, and I don't know what that says about it. Like, did they think at one point, like, New Line was going to cut the cord and they would just have to air this on, like, TNT or some shit? There are goddamn commercial breaks built into this film. It's that, and I just don't think, you know, even with what we're doing here, they didn't want to show the kids actually dying. Yeah.

So they'll show a shot of, like, the needles going into the arm. Fate to White. Yeah. That's it. It's real lead down. In a dream sequence, we get her mother's head cut off. So there's some graphic violence with adults. I guess, that's the idea.

Which is the more reason we should kill that orderly. Absolutely. Totally. Make up for, you know, all this shit I'm not seeing. We should find it tonight. We got a car. Someone here has a car. We'll go to California.

Oh, the orderly's only 24. So she, it's British Archite, Nancy, and Kincaid all meet up in this room. Like, wow, we beat Freddie Kruger. Let's go into the final area. No one's like, what happened to Tara? Dude, you're, wow. I would be like, I'm not going anywhere. Is Terran okay?

I haven't thought about that until right here on this stage, and that's cruel as fuck. Exactly. They have no concern for that girl whatsoever. They don't ask where the nerd is either. Whatever. This is all we have left, I guess. Fuck it. Well, they're dead, I guess.

They're like, let's go save Joey. They go into the basement. They do save Joey, and Freddie kind of gets beeped, I guess, from the other world. This is the funniest slash don't. as shit. Hey dude, they're fucking with your car, man. Oh, God damn it.

All right, listen, none of you kids move. I'll be right back to kill all of you. Do not move. It is, because we should say at the same time this is happening, Bill Maher robs a church. Yes.

Like, they roll up. He takes John Saxon's booze bottle, dumps out all the booze on the sidewalk, and goes into the church, fills it up with the holy water, and then rips a crucifix off the wall, finally forcing this priest to be like, hey, man, the fuck are you doing?

He waits for the cross, but I honestly, when he was filling up the holy water, I wanted a priest to come up, hey, that's not free, you know. Um, can I help you? Meanwhile, John Saxon's licking the church steps. There's a little left here on the ledge. Uh, yeah, it's because of my love for the Lord.

Yeah, I call this cocktail a puddlehopper. Oh, I just remember. remembered, I buried Freddy Krueger and liquor are us. Gotta go there next. Oh, and then after that, well, I might have buried him in the cigarette world. Followed by

the living room of my Coke guy's house. We'll make all these stops and then circle back to your precious junkyard. Just stay in the car. I'll be right back. I have to sit on his couch for a while, though. Isn't that always the worst, dude? Like before we had delivery services,

he had to go somewhere. got stuck at the guy's house. Like, we want to hang out, see what this is like. Well, no, I got a movie to catch. We're talking about buying drugs. You are, but I'm not. And they so, yeah, they start to,

they find Freddie Krueger, they buried him in a caddy, which is pretty nice. I mean, you know, could be worse. Good way to go out. Totally. It's a real, like, fucking Goodfellas death. Oh, really? You didn't even spring for the rolls, huh? Really. Really, I just killed a couple dozen kids.

I don't know, man. It's a Springwood fucking, you know. You were a janitor. I expect the best. This town was nothing before Blood Fountain. I guess that's true. It attracted the Thai restaurant. Oh, you know, we're looking to expand our franchises here.

You know, Springwood, that's in Ohio, they were the town of the Blood Fountain. Oh, the Blood Fountain. Yeah, really great. We could actually, in the lobby of our Thai restaurant, have a little fun blood fountain of our own. Is that where all those kids died? Yeah, I think it was. Oh, we should expand there.

A bunch of childless couples moved here afterwards. I don't know why. And, yeah, Freddie gets called away at business. He's about to, like, kill somebody. Well, this is what he shows them. He's like, oh, I'm so strong because it's the souls of the kids. This is the first time he's got, like, kid chest. Yeah.

Yeah. Because it's also, like, the first time they bother with any of this where he's like, the souls of the children make me stronger. All right, what the fuck ever do? Whatever you're saying, buddy, you know, the movie's almost over, I don't get me. My nipples are now mouths.

Yeah, I mean, that's the thing, dude. Like, hey, man, yeah, you really made my parents sad by murdering me. Can I not live inside of your belly button for all eternity? Like, my parents have learned their lesson for burning you alive. It's an exquisite piece of prop making, though. And if you ever visit New York City in Queens, there's the Museum of the Moving Image, which is a cool museum devoted entirely to film.

They have this fucking Freddie Kruger, like, chest thing. And it's way bigger for, like, the effect shot one. Just as disgusting. I mean, I have to say, there's like... The Museum of the Moving Image is basically Planet Hollywood if it didn't smell, like, mozzarella sticks. Totally, yeah. And it's good, in a good way.

And they show movies, and it's great. But, like, listen, there are some things fit for museum curation. And then there's that that they also put in a museum. It's confounded me for years. That should be in Guillermo del Toro's shed. Yeah, totally. I just have this. Yep.

Do you want to see my fredi chest? It's good. It's really good. It's just out back in the shed. I don't bring, I can't bring inside there. Everyone throw up. It's terrible. But you come outside and I show you the freddie chest, it's really good.

You got the freddy chest, you got the pumpkin head. Oh, it's so great. And here are all the Dracula teeth ever. All of them. I have all of them. I would love to be that guy. We'd get off swimmingly, I believe. Oh, totally.

We'd have a blast with Guillermo, man. You kidding? Open invite if he's here. Geremo, he has some movie ideas. Oh, no, I don't know. If you know any doctors. Are you interested you in tongues? That's a bad idea.

So, yeah, a skeleton comes to life. And John Saxon. has the honor of being the first person killed by a skeleton on screen since 1962 or something like that. Like he gets wrecked by this skeleton. I also like, like, they're trying to bury it, and he's just like, bury the fucking thing.

The fucking, you know, it's the thing. It's a body teeth. Yeah. The long teeth. The long teeth that keep you together. You know, I went skiing that one time and I broke my arm tooth. The body Legos that are underneath.

I don't know the name. It's on the tip of my tongue. People bricks. Is that anything? Body connects. I used to do it all the time. Damn it. It's just,

Barry the fucking thing is exquisite. It's the best delivery in the movie. Oh, my God. It might be the highlight of his career. Might be the highlight of my life. And then he is quickly dispatched by this Jason and the Argonauts. Which I grewls.

I really like that. He picks ass, dude. It's stop motion the whole bit. Also, I feel like Nancy and the other Dream War are in, like, the dream realm, like, can we just go? He left in the middle of the dream. Does he do that? So he forfeited, right?

That's a win for us. Can we wake up? Have we discussed? Can we wake up in here? Let's try. Let's pinch each other. Can we just move? Would moving help?

We just left Springwood entirely. Would that be a thing? Because apparently, I mean, Nancy went to college, and she's totally fine until she comes back here and gets murdered at the end of this week. I'm not going to Boston. I'll be honest. It's a bit.

a bit far. It's a bit far. I keep off the coasts. But... Old Town hero, right, folks? So he kills John Saxon and then he goes back. This is the mirror scene. That's kind of fun, right?

Yeah, it's sort of like Nightmare and Elm Street meets the end of lady from Shanghai. Yeah. Great Orson Welles motion picture. You should check that out. It's way better than this shit. Yeah, and that's like, it's kind of great because he's like, I'm definitely behind all of these mirrors

and then all of them in the hallway are like, cool, let's stand right up against all of them. And they all just start getting grabbed. Is he in there? I can't see. Hello, Freddy. Is he a bit Freddy's friends? Are you in there?

And they're all they're all aha videoed into these mirrors and all of us and Joey finally gets his dream power. He screams, breaks it and everyone's like, wow, you figure out your dream power.

Like, you couldn't figure out a better one? That worked then, but like, bazookas would be cool. My dream power is bazookas. Yeah, totally, man. Patrick Stewart rules in, and I'll call you banshee. Totally. Oh, a little dream warrior, I like this.

I'm going to adopt you all for my new experimental school. Well, no, I don't think we can bring you on to the X-Men just for being beautiful and bad. Sorry, Taryn, you don't have to die. I'll be going to the next psych war to find some more beautics, let's call them. Because that's where all those kids came from. Oh, for sure.

Isn't that what that, what was that failed movie that finally came out over the summer? Oh, yeah. The new movies? Yeah, aren't they all like in a booby hatch or whatnot? Yeah, they are. And the booby hatch, we call it, because we're 60 years old each. Yeah, well, it's how long it took for that fucking movie to be right. Also, that nurse took her top off.

Yeah, she did. you know with that movie folks you often hear me on the air talking about greening out during a motion picture record time with that film I don't even think the opening credits were done I was right out so they're like wow we finally beat Freddy for the 14th time in this movie now let's get comfortable guess we should have woke up I guess not they go into another room John Saxon emerges

and I kind of like this I kind of wish John Saxon did go to heaven in this movie you know yeah he's had a I mean, the way he appears in this movie, it's like fucking Warren Beatty and heaven can wait. Like, it's just, there's like gold sparkles. Like, if he just had wings on, it would just be an angel. Like, this is an effect you reserve for angels.

You know what, Princess? Oh, I'm so sorry for the way I treated you. And honestly, the message I want to impart to you and all these other kids out here, no matter how annoying a janitor may be. Don't burn them. It's just not worth it. Look, kids, you just write a letter to the principal repeatedly for weeks on end

until he gets fired. You don't need to murder him. Also, Nancy, let me tell you, heaven is primo. They've got nickel beer nights still. I met John Wayne the other night. It was fantastic. Soft-pack mob reds as far as the eye can see. Wait, wait, Dad, you met John Wayne?

No, you're in hell. Surprise, surprise. Pilgrim. Honestly, he was saying some weird stuff that I didn't agree with. So maybe you're correct on that, honey, but it's still the mobs. But no, it's Freddy Kruger in disguise,

you see. Oh, I know. That wascally rabbit. And he stabs Nancy in the chest, and it's like, oh, shit. You know, I mean, in 1987, you're like, oh, fuck, I thought she made it. You know what I mean? That'd be pretty surprising. Yeah, I thought she'd be continuing this franchise. Yeah, it's a pretty big surprise. I like,

I don't like in horror movies, like, the one immediately after this one, the fourth one, then they kill all the kids that survive in, like, record time. Dude, we are cleaning house at the beginning of this next film.

Holy shit. I think that's cheap because, like, you know, you've watched all these people evade death. At least this one, like, she has another whole arc. I think it's pretty cool.

Oh, Nancy. Yeah, Nancy. Yeah, it's not too bad. I agree. Poor Kincaid, though. Kristen and Joey. I mean, all you have to do to clear these kids

is in the beginning of the next one you just put, like, cut out newspaper strips Kincaid dies in weird cave-in. That's a good flip. Cave-in. Look, they have to die very weird ways. Got it.

It's our fucking final destination, dude. It's a nightmare on Elm Street. There's caves in Ohio, right? Look, I go back to Blood Fountain. You got to go big. Sure, sure, sure, sure. So, Craig Watson wakes up. He kills Nancy, and he's about to kill Patricia Arquette,

but Craig Watson gets off his ass and, you know, consecrates the grave, finishes the ritual, and who would have guessed is the Catholic Church was right the whole time? I did not see that coming for the end of this nightmare at Elm Street film. He's even doing like the Innomadipadre disputed a zombie, and I was like,

where the fuck did this come from? It's because it's the spookiest religion, right? It is. Totally, dude. All sorts of ghosts and goblins in there. And we finish at Nancy's funeral, if you could believe it. Man, two funerals in one movie, not too bad.

As asylum, at this point, they must have discount funerals. They must be buying in a pack plan. Like, we're definitely going to have a hundred this year. Spread them out over the 12 months. Oh, it's like when you find out that like there's like some like judges in certain states in this country that

like do business with like for profit prisons and you're like, oh, that's why all these kids are going to jail for their entire life? It's kind of like that is what you're saying? Got it, got it. Or they have like, they just have like a standing appointment like there's going to be a funeral at noon on Sunday. I don't know who it is yet.

We'll know on Wednesday, I bet. Oh. I'm going to tell you it's probably a kid. Almost all the time, it's a kid. So save the small coffins. Just earmark that. Five feeters. Five and six feeders is what we're looking for here.

Oh, it looks like you missed the 1230 funeral. Better come back for the 1245. And wouldn't you know it? The nurse that we all knew was the nun. was Freddy Krueger's mother turned out to be Freddy Krueger's mother and it's a big surprise. This is an ending for like slow Joe in the background.

Yeah. Because like he's like following this nun again this mysterious nun. This guy never acknowledges at any point that this nun is clearly a ghost first of all. Like she vanishes before his eyes twice and he's like, I don't know.

So then this end thing is like he's following this nun and he comes around the corner and he looks at the tombstone and it's like Amanda Kruger aka Sister Mary, whatever. the fuck. And then he's like, you were his mother.

They put both of the names on there. It fills out almost, like the dates of her are almost on the lip of the thing in the ground. Yeah, it's like Amanda Kruger, you know, also known as Sister Mary Helena, also known as Squiggy to her friends.

That's interesting, though, man. Right? Like, does when a nun passes, do you put her stage name on the Tombstone also? I think you do both. Got it, uh-huh. Just in case anyone's looking and gets confused. Like if they only knew her as a nun and they didn't know a real identity.

Also, like, Catholicism is wrong and she gets up there. It's not just known as like, wait, you were a lieutenant? What? You married who? So she's dead. And then Freddie Kruger lives inside a paper mache house? He's like a little guy. It's a weird, like Craig Wasson is sleeping.

and then like he's got this like earlier in the film it doesn't matter but Nancy was like oh this little chotchky I have is like a dream something something so he's got that thing and then like yeah eerily kept the the papier machet dollhouse

that this girl was building odd fucking things to just keep around your house yeah really like I want to forget this incident as fast as possible again in the garbage immediately and I was really hoping for it like to go into the and don't it to be like the crusty episode

of The Simpsons when he's shrunk down. It's all worth it when I come home to you. Oh, it'll be awesome. It's Freddy Krueger and then just like a fucking Barbie doll is sitting there. Oh, I don't have much to say tonight, huh? I guess I'll sleep downstairs, bur. Someone felt bad for Freddy Krueger?

In that fake dollhouse domestic situation we just made up? I don't know what to even tell you, Doc. She doesn't even laugh at my jokes anymore. I'm just impressed by the empathy in this room It's pretty great We need more of that, man All right

But that is the end of this motion picture Ladies and gentlemen That's all she wrote It's all she wrote But that's not all What did you say? But that's not all No, it's not, but I'm just curious

Especially Steve You watch this three times in a week I think you said It did Super fan Super fan Super. Would you...

Would you recommend this movie, Steve? I mean, yeah, some people take the show seriously, I don't know. It just depends on who you are. I mean, if you want to put it in the ad. I think people are coming out to see it. You should probably watch a movie, I guess. Anyway, I'm dirty laundry on stage.

No, I would recommend this once in a couple every couple of years tops. Yeah, it's kind of one of the better sequels of this movie. I do think the second one's probably better. It goes one, two, three, and then it goes off an enormous cliff. There's good kills.

here. I think that it's very memorable. It's pretty well directed. It's cool looking. And also docking rules. The Dream Warriors song rules. Dream Warrior. That's me. What about you, Eric? I agree with everything you said. I think it's a fun enough movie. I think the pacing is good. You know, obviously we wanted

a few things to happen differently. John Sachsen to live forever. Yeah, totally. But no, I think it's good enough time to check out. Chris Camden. Oh, yeah, it's fantastic. And Steve really does highlight it. It's really well directed. Like the, the, Jason the Argonne, that stuff. I was kind of making fun of it.

It really does look good. And the tool, Freddie Kruger thing also looks good. And Steve, just so, you've seen this, like, what, seven times maybe? Yeah, maybe. Casablanca still hasn't seen yet? No, I've seen Casablanca. That got settled years ago. Okay, I missed that one.

All right, all right. Bridge over the River Kwai? No. There it is. There's the new one. You got me. I figured. Played guess who up here.

That movie's great because it's like three hours of Alec Guinness going like, I think we should construct this bridge and then at the very last moment maybe we should blow up this bridge yeah also aka three and a half hours about a six of the amount of time you've spent watching this movie

I bet you I've seen it more than Steve though Oh really? Because this because Nightmare and Elm Street nobody cares to hear this Nightmare and Elm Street was the first box that I purchased on DVD and I was obsessed with this shit it was that dumb ass

like when DVD first came out like we had to make the menus fun. Oh, yeah. Where it's like you turned on the DVD and you had to like navigate through a haunted house and they couldn't even bother to have it be the fucking house

from these movies. It's just a spooky old house and it's like press right on your controller to turn a corner and 15 minutes later the movie's on. So, no, I've seen this a ton and yeah, I'd recommend it. Fuck it. That Dockin song alone, man,

I think it's the idea. But we have to start wrapping it up here unfortunately. Thank you so much for coming out. I have to say, you know, we haven't done this in like two years, and we were not really sure how it was going to go. So big thanks to all of you for making you go awesome. It's a good time.

Big thanks to hilarities for having us. Make sure you tip all your folks who are coming around. Tip them very well. Yeah, yeah. But as we do here on the live shows, we have some correspondence. from the internet, because listen, when you are looking for the most interesting, worthwhile, and intelligent film writing on the internet, the best place to go is the IMDB user review section.

Tonight we have two reviews. One person really liked it. One person did not. We'll start with the pluses here. Ten out of ten stars. The movie that put this series on the map. Whatever the fuck ever. That wasn't the first. movie. No. No, no, no, no, no. No one heard of the first one. No one heard of the first movie. I have to say, just

looking at when this was posted, it might have been a little bit of a lock-in fever. August the 30th, 2020. Oh, dude, you don't want to know what I was doing August 30th 2020. I got an idea. Cemetery. Just hanging out, dude. All right.

Three years after a nightmare in Elm Street and its follow-up sequel made West Craven the Horror King of the 1980s. Dream Warriors came out and became profitable, forcing a fourth film to be made to be released the following year.

Now, if I understand sequels correctly, in order to get the first sequel, the first one also has to be... Yeah, you know. Do you know what they called New Line Cinema after that movie? The first one came out? I got an idea. Tell everybody else.

The house that Freddie built. The whole company was made by the first movie. But I guess this stupid... Oh, man, what a terrible movie that made no money. Let's make two more of them. Finally, we've struck gold with the third one. That's interesting, because there's a direct line from Freddie Kruger to Lord of the Rings. That's right.

That's right. He should have been in those things. Without Freddie Krueger, we would not have the LOTR films. Just think about that for a second. Forcing a fourth film to be made to be released the following year, a trend which lasted until 1989. Okay, so you're writing this review last year. We all know.

We all know the shit. putting in here, we all also have Wikipedia. In 1991, the history lesson continues, folks. The first 3D entry in the series, Freddy's Dead came out, soon to be followed by West Craven's

New Nightmare, three years after that. If I was grading this paper, I'd fucking fail this student. This is a copy and paste job like I have never seen before. Fucking idiot. Yeah, here's my essay on Brian DePama's blowout.

He started with greetings. And then later, he did Fenfatal. Totally. What the fuck are you talking about? Okay. It took 12 years for Freddie to meet Jason in their highest grossing movie ever. Mr. Boxoff is over here.

There's an accurate one. Thank you. And then got rebooted for each character, each with diminishing results. Also true. The title song by Dockin is a classic. And Patricia Arquette is hot in her film debut. I can't blame the shut-in for that.

I'm sorry. The effects are very good, and the scares are not that cheap. It is a movie not for kids. Excellent way to cap that review. Thank you. It's a real quick warning. Well, as we made a lot of money, I better take my kids to it. What?

No, no, it's about kids. It's not for kids. Oh, okay. Okay. And then this other one, three out of ten stars, subject line, fantasy, not horror. Written in 2009, by the way, so that's all right. Okay. Oh, by the way, username here, the Intolerable Kid.

Oh, probably pretty accurate. Okay. By all rights, after the last scene of a nightmare on Elm Street, one, the lead character of Nancy should be dead. But here she comes back as a psychologist to mentor a bunch of haunted kids in a mental asylum to become dream warriors. Nailed it. Nailed this fucking movie

with those quotation marks. Fucking nailed it. The intolerable kid, huh? Big Freddy missed one, really? Nobody bats a thousand. I can't help it. His parents didn't burn me alive. They were one street over.

had nothing to do with it. Oh, he's 25. Damn it. Damn it, out of range. There was a block party on Maple, you see, and all those folks didn't come to my burning. My burning. I can't make it to that burning.

No, no, the block party's happening. Same day. All right, no, that's fine. You might have I swing by after I burn this, Jennerty? Yeah, of course, yeah. We're going to be going all night. You're still bringing the stakes, though.

You're bringing them? Okay, good, good. Haunted kids, mental asylum, become dream warriors. And fight Freddy. What a load of dribble. Ooh! Dribble and grown adult using the word dribble. It's a dream killer.

Of course it's drivel, you dumbass. I'm going to yell at you for this guy. Fair enough. Do it, dude. Do it right up. By reading the reviews by the fans of the Elm Street series, this film was supposedly better than the second. People even say, on here, it's the best in the series. Now he's roping in other people writing dumb shit on IMD. It's awesome.

Say it's the best in the series. I have to disagree. This film doesn't even touch the first. I've just watched the film for my first time, and I have to say it was so boring, I struggled to sit through it. What? Boo this man.

Fuck you, kid. He's intolerable this guy. That certainly is. I said to myself, no one else is going to listen to me. That's what happens when you're watching movies alone. I wouldn't bother writing a review, but the film bored me so much

it must have spun me into some kind of perpetual state of boredom, making me become boring myself and come on to write about how bored this film made me feel and probably bore you that is reading, well, fucking finally, something accurate. I guess you can call this a horror film, yes. Boy is right. But it does not scare

Not for one second. This is a teenage fantasy film. So is fucking porkies. And this film is prime reason why franchises are bad. I will happily never watch this film again. We are, we hate movies from New York City. Thank you so much for coming out, Cleveland. We have had you.

Absolute blast. We will see you next time. Stay safe. Bye-bye. Thank you. That was a hit gum podcast.