We Hate Movies - S12 Ep612: Top Gun

Episode Date: May 24, 2022

This week on the program, the gang is having an absolute ball talking about the Tony Scott action classic, Top Gun! How fantastic is it to see the great James Tolkan basically playing Principal Strickland, but in the Navy? Does Kelly McGillis's character live in the same house as Carrot Top and his buddies in Chairman of the Board? And how come we couldn't get a little more Merlin? PLUS: Everyone's favorite pilot, Wolf Man, and his beloved mother, call sign Mamma Mia, chat on the phone every day about the goings on of Maverick!  Top Gun stars Tom Cruise, Kelly McGillis, Anthony Edwards, Val Kilmer, Tom Skerritt, Michael Ironside, James Tolkan, and Meg Ryan; directed by Tony Scott.  Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new WHAT IF Donna?, Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm  Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, take off your shirt and get ready to spike that volleyball because we're talking about Top Gun. I'm Hot Shot. I'm Pizza Bagel. I'm Bubkus. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We 8 movies. Thank you for tuning in as always. That's right. We're talking about a big one today, folks. Top Gun from 1986 directed by the late great Tony Scott. The man. He rules. The man, the myth. It's kind of amazing that only Don Simpson died of a cocaine overdose, right? Like, you know what I mean?

Like, Jerry made it out alive and Tony lived to the odds. A little while longer. Yeah, it's kind of weird, man. I mean, well, we should say, though, there was a stuntman that was killed. Oh, dude, yeah, he died. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. I was not aware of this.

The movie is dedicated to him. I don't know. I don't know the circumstances behind it, but it was like an IMDB trivia thing. Dude, that IMDB trivia, it's 184 things long. I read it all on the train. So many of it is like, you know, the plane actually should have these kinds of rivets if you really want to know about the rivets. Oh, man, I got your fucking rivets.

That's amazing because I listen to, I own the 4K of this, and I listen to the commentary, which includes a bunch of like the people who are like the technical advisors and all that shit. So whenever something's around, they're like, I mean, this isn't exactly how it goes, but who cares. See, so with the technical advisor. Actual people who are paid to do this, they're like, fuck it, who cares?

Well, there's some, some probably apocryphal story where Tony Scott was getting chewed out by some army guy about, again, that. You know what I mean? Whatever it should. It was actually the amount of patches dudes were wearing on their jackets. Oh, Lord.

And he's just like, you know, we're not making this movie for army people. We're making for, he says wheat farmers in Kansas. Which is kind of like a very British thing to say, like, what, Dude, whatever those fucking shit farmers are doing. He has quite a way with words. He, when the volleyball scene comes up in the commentary, he's like, yeah, we wanted to make

something for the women and for, you know, some of the guys that beat the San Francisco guys. Oh, man. Tony, come on, man. I'm like, you didn't scrub this. Feel free to delete things from commentary tracks Paramount. Lord knows I do all the time. this program. Oh, Tony. I mean, I'm sure a lot of people

figured themselves out watching Top Guns in one way or another, dude. I was figured myself out last night. I was like, maybe. I should say, this may sound shocking. Last night was the first time I watched this movie front to back. Wow, that's interesting. Because it was one of those movies that, like, I just never saw it as a kid. And by the time I hear I am pushing 40, like, I know everything that happens in it. Just like, pop culture. Asmosis, like, I'd seen scenes, of course, but never sat down to like, we are going to watch Top Gun, all 156 minutes of it or whatever. I think I had watched it a while ago, like, all the way through because, of course, it had always come up as a possibility for this show.

Sure. We've been dancing around it forever. But, like, I also, I did a big Tony Scott rewatch last year, and I went through this. And true romance, both of which I wasn't particularly fond of when I was. I was younger. I like them both quite a bit more now. I thought this was totally fine. Yeah, I was, I never watched this either. Actually, the first time I watched

it, because it's like a big movie for my wife, because her dad was in the Navy, so she grew up kind of watching it. And also like irony reasons, because this movie's kind of insane and ridiculous. So, I've seen it a bunch now, but I don't think I'd seen it all the way through similarly until we got together like 12 years ago. However,

and I think this is going to be the true for everybody in this room, I've seen hot shots 465 times. At least. Yeah, at least. 110% correct. And I feel like that was also kind of part of it was I was like, well, I've seen hot shots. Yeah, I get it. You know, yes. My call sign for today. They actually be together for me. Like I honestly thought Tom Cruise like boiled or cooked an egg on McGillis's stomach at some point. I was like, that definitely happens. Well, when I was, even last night when I was watching the sex scene? I was like, when did they do the food? Oh, no, that's from the movie hot shots. That is bacon.

parody hot shop. Where's the bacon? By the way, it's very conspicuous. We should address it. Eric is not here for this episode. He got called up to TopPod. That's right. We, you know, it's a team effort, but there is a best of the best, much like Top Gun. Yeah. You know, they say both things. So who gives up shit? Who knows? But Eric was called up and he need to go in. He is one of the one percent of the podcasters in the country. It's totally true. You know, we love him. He's on his own journey now. were three Merlins sticking back at the base? I might be a cougar.

I might get out of here pretty soon. You might hang it up. I'm thinking of a goose. I think I'm a goose. So you're dead is what you're saying. Dead or you're a target on your back. Merlin or goose because it really could. It's a coin flip.

I love, I mean, I love Merlin so much. I'm not just because it's Tim Robbins, but everybody else is, you know, it's Maverick, Iceman, Hollywood, Wolfman, Merlin.

Merlin, I'm going to get you. I'm going to cash. a spell on your jet and there's showdown sundown sundown that's joe biden's uh call sign oh man gonna have a white house screening a top gun maverick man it's gonna be great oh jare remember that song gore and life foot sundown better be take care if you find that oh if you found somebody behind your stairs when you're upstairs at the end of in the jet with the with your friend merlin and merlin is telling you that she got you know better be take care because it's sundown excuse me

bingo I love it I love it I love the beginning of this movie is insane the crawl is kind of I mean like yeah I guess it's helpful but it's I mean this movie is jack it off to the Navy the entire time oh absolutely dude I mean this is no like

secret bit of information like when the movie came out in theaters the Navy posted up fucking recruitment tables and they cleaned up and this movie fucking cleaned up at the box office is destroyed. I mean, I love the opening score. It does have a little intro

a bit where it's like in 1969 by order of government boner Top Gun was born so that we could know who the hottest fucking hot shots were. Right, but it's called Figure Weapons School from March 1969. A top

1%. But the pilots just call it Top Good. Oh, top good. It's also like you could take that scroll turn it into digital text and maybe actually I haven't played it in a really long time so I don't remember was that at the front of the top gun Nintendo game? Very possible.

Because I hadn't seen the movie until last night I played that. I never put it to the top gun Nintendo game. Me neither. If I'm remembering right, it was just kind of like flight simulatory obviously. Is there a like a bonus level where Goose is trying to find the ejector panel and you got to get it before he dies? It's like solve this puzzle to make the ejecture seat work.

Man, it's a brutal fucking death. It's a great own. Unbelievable. You know, so, It's crazy. Obviously, we're doing this because Top Gun Mavericks coming out, Memorial Day weekend. So that's, so this movie, this Top Gun came out to the day, the exact date, not just the year, my second birthday. Oh, wow. May the 16th, 1986, Top Gun comes out. I'm fucking stunned.

And I don't know if this is like Paramount just being precious with the property or Tom Cruise was like, look, someday. I promise you I'll do a sequel, but how did this movie avoid the the fake sequel shit? How is there not a Top Gun 2 with nobody affiliated from the film? They did shoot Top Gun Maverick right when you were born and it just hasn't been released until then. That was, it took a while. It was backed up.

You're right, though. Why isn't there like a fucking, you know, a Top Gun 2 with ooh who would Scott Bacula probably? And this would be the thing, right? Scott Bacula as Viper for some reason. Like this Tom Scarrant said, go fuck yourself. There were a couple of pretenders to the throne. There was a Nicholas Cage one called Firebirds, which is like about helicopters. Oh, yeah.

Okay. I kind of vaguely, that's not. No, that's not him and Charlie Sheen. Who else is in that movie? I mean, you're thinking of Navy Seals, I think. Oh, Navy Seals also. Yeah, yeah. Well, because I was like, you know, what, how did this happen?

and I just did like Top Gun into IMDB and I got something I don't know what we would do with this because it's not a movie we would do but it's with one of our guys from over on the Once in a Lifetime program check this shit out. I almost accidentally watched

Top Gunner from 2020 starring Eric Roberts get ready for this plot synopsis. Recent graduates of a secluded U.S. Air Force base must protect a gene editing bio weapon from the Russian military who are desperate to seize the deadly viral agent at any cost.

You know what's fucking hilarious about that? Do the math. That movie, Top Gunner, was supposed to come out the same year Top Gun Maverick was. Oh, man. Because it's your classic, you know, asylum pictures trick people

into red dig something on streaming. I think it is Asylum. That's their move. Oh, I didn't even put that together. Asylum doesn't put something on the shelf. They're like, well, fuck it. We'll just put it out. Well, they couldn't do that

because the shelf would start overflowing with all the movies that they have. making every day. I almost fell for that when I almost watched a transmorphers the first night. Oh, sure. Yeah, that was a problem. Those fuckers love almost getting sued. Exactly.

It's pretty brave of them, I have to say. I love, by the way, you talk to the box office back to back. And I would love a list of this, if you have any stat nerds. Anyone else have back to back the highest grossing movies of the year? James Tolkien does, because he's got 80, 80.

85 back to the future at 86 Topclan and he's he's a character in both he's an extra he's in the movie he's in this movie and he fucking rocks

really hard but he is Lieutenant Strickland in this oh absolutely like literally do the thing his call sign is Stinger of course it is Principal Stinger

it starts where they're just you know we get this girl we get like 20 minutes of figuring out how to launch a plane which is cool we're doing a lot of like

just yeah, aircraft carrier takeoff shit over of course my way to the danger zone baby this is a rock and roll movie dude. Oh yeah that's how Tony Scott said about he was like I wanted to make a rock and roll movie

he got fired three times from this this thing and one of them was because Don Simpson thought he was wearing a wire you know why you got fired Tony did you hear anything I said about Columbia.

No, not the movie. Yes, the movie studio, of course. Why do you hate me, Tony? Why are you spying on me always, Tony? Why are you a spy? Sweating. I'm just naturally sick all the time is the problem. I just have allergies.

Yes, even in December. I'm sorry, you had a legitimate point that I probably destroyed. Yeah, I forgot. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's destroyed. Oh, okay, good. Thank goodness. Was it something about the box on?

A rock and roll movie? Oh, there we go. So Tony Scott had an idea, and to me, it would make this movie a lot more interesting. He's like, he had like an idea to make it more like a Verhoven movie where everything is maximized. Like Kelly McGillis, you wanted her in heels in every scene with like big red lipstick and like a bob. And I'm like, that might have been pretty interesting. I can see that being interesting because of how openly like maybe fascistic is not the best. But like pro-military.

Yeah. Like. And it's, it is propaganda. and it is like, it is so big and everyone, the way people talk about Maverick in this movie, literally when Maverick's not on screen, people are asking, where's Maverick? Well, he's Jesus.

Like, oh, so many heroes in the 80s, any fucking military hero, he's Jesus. But what's funny is like, the structure of this movie is not what I thought it would be. Which is to say it's a school movie

with airplanes. And then at the very end, we got a teeny tiny, tiny little mission and that's the movie. Oh, when we accidentally start World War fucking three? Now, did I miss something here? We're not saying the Soviet Union. We don't. It's Libya. It's supposed to be Libya. Is that right?

That's what I read. Okay. But we're not saying Libya. We don't say anything like that. We just say a MiG, which is the opposing plane is a MiG, which I do believe the Soviets used. I don't know. But I think they sold them to Libya. Yes. The Libyans. Well, yeah, that's like everybody.

Like, they just had a hard-on for Gaddafi at the time. Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay. That makes sense. Yeah, because I, like, there's not the flag of Libya anyway. Not that I could fucking eyeball that. There's some weird thing. There are red stars on the news.

Yeah, that's what I thought it was. But I had read it's based on something called the Gulf of Sardi incident, which is a, when Libyan jets encountered U.S. jets because they said it was their spares, their airspace. And the end of the U.S. This is the flag of Libya. Yeah. We don't see that. I don't think so.

Yeah, you got a red star, which I mean, it reads Soviet too. You know what I mean? So like, the bad guys. Exactly. You understand the bad guys. Which is kind of fine, right? That's fine. It's bookended with the bigs because the beginning is like, yeah.

I guess Tom Cruise as Maverick and Tony Edwards, Anthony Edwards, as Goose are are flying with Cougar, John Stockwell. No relationship to Dean Stockwell. I thought it was. I was stunning. I looked up the same thing. I was like, it's got to be. Look at this guy. The hero from Christine. Pretty good. Oh. Yeah, I knew I'd seen him somewhere. Okay. And Tim Robbins as Berlin, which is just like, I guess like maybe he was, maybe he was like watching the Ralph back. She, Lord of the Rings, like, come on, Berlin. You fucking nerd. Yeah, that was one that it was given to him by someone.

else. Do you make it your own or do they give it to you? Great question. Anybody in the Navy out there. Call sign designations. Your choice or someone else's? Why flounder? Why not? I saw at the end of this is like the huge list of all the actual pilots who help with the movie. And it's similar like cool names, you know, blackjack and whatever, blah, blah, blah. Wizard. One of them was like, I think it was like Ben Rabbi Schneider. And I'm like, well, oh, Okay, guy. Yeah. Because it's like, oh, you called me rabbit because I'm so fast.

No, we're going to call you rabbi because you're Jewish. Call sign Gavilta. That reminds me one time we were describing the project doesn't matter, but we were talking to like this producer one time about something. It was like with like NBC sports or whatever. You know, remember we'll go with this, right? The guy who was the producer, we're in his car and we're driving down the road and he gets a phone call. He picks up the phone and he just goes,

Yeah, you got the rabbi here. Oh, wow. I like that. I was just like, ah, you just introduced yourself to me as Gary. Were you teleported into uncut gems? Dude, it was really something. It was just like, it was me and friend of the show, Sean Weiner.

We looked at each other like, the rabbi. Excuse me? But they run a foul of a mig and they're trying to, like, I guess, shoe him away essentially, like with a plane. It's kind of like, yeah, get up in his face. obviously don't fire anything but show him like you know fuck around find out sure warning thing like how to fire off a warning shot without actually firing a shot basically this is essentially uh shoving each other in the chest with jets that's why i feel not that you'd be able to hear it but maybe if you got one big enough

like because i'm thinking about like this is kind of like a traffic jam and if i'm behind the wheel i'm laying on that horn so like you know give a jet a horn and then they do really big oh they call them air horns for a reason It's true. I mean, I guess you're probably going so fast. Oh, sure. I imagine the, wow. Howl. I can't hear. I can't. Like, it's deafening sound. I cannot hear. Is that a honk? Someone laying on the horn up here? That could just be my actual hearing going for good. Should have just given him a friendly tap there. What's that?

Eh, eh, eh, eh. Actually tap that, like, they put the upside down thing and start. this move speaking of that upside down thing dude I feel like this gets you kicked out I think they have the same exact shot in hot shots and it's supposed to be ridiculous they're like hey Charlie Sheen this part's like not really a parody man he just does the same dumb thing

I think like a bunch of porno mags and handcuffs start hitting the top of the that sounds about right oh that's right it's been a while for hot shots it might be a this weekend situation Part do ain't too bad, I mean, it's bad, but... Well, that just underwent an Eric Sisker reevaluation. Oh, really?

He's had high marks for it. There's a lot of Saddam jokes. I'm all in a lot of all into that. But they go upside down and, uh, goose takes of Polaroid. He's got an enormous fucking Polaroid camera on his lap, I guess. I can't imagine there's a lot of cubby space. Yes, exactly. It's not like, you don't have drinks in there.

You're not like, you don't have a magazine if you need it. it's so weird it's like Polaroid camera what are you kidding me I mean this is definitely getting you fired maybe but getting into the upside down position with this guy upside down Polaroid given the finger to the enemy like but I guess the message of this movie sort of is you think that Tom Cruise

should learn to not be a huge asshole but actually he should just keep it going he's the pace he's got to stop pushing against it he's got to go with the flow and be full asshole yeah lean in dude just let it take like a fucking river, dude, like a river current. Let it take you, man. Believe you will never die and then get into a jet

airplane. Because it's harnessing the assholery and using it for good. Like the start of this movie, he's just running Buck Wild being an asshole. But by the end of it, Val Kilmer, in all of Iceman's wise, Zen thinking, gets him to realize

if you harness the assholery, you can be even a more productive pilot. And Iceman also learns something. This is a multifaceted film. Iceman learns that I should be a bigger asshole. I haven't been enough of an asshole. It's really the problem here. Yeah.

It's unfortunate seeing Val Kilmer's turn from like the dude who's above it all to like, yeah, I'm kind of being a dick to. Put your friends, life and your colleagues, lives on the line for your ego. For sure. For fun pranks too. Nice stuff. I don't understand how. I mean, I guess we'll get into what we get into it to that part of the movie.

But like the whole incident that winds up getting goose killed. Yeah. Tom Cruise Maverick is freed of any charges or whatever, but I don't understand how Val Kilmer's not getting little something there. Because they're all entangled it. It's his polo way that causes the whole thing and nobody says boo about that. No. You know, Iceman, he's very valuable asset to the U.S. military, by the way. What with all his powers. He's the son to the hungry man dynasty. He just, we happen to have him here, you know. We have a big future plan for him. Now, this whole thing with what's going on here, because it's, so it's Maverick and Goose in one of the planes. And then you got Merlin and What's his face? Cougar.

And Cougar and the other one. Cougar! Cougar! Hot 40-year-old woman, Cougar. I love it. Cougar starts having like this panic attack or whatever. And it's like, Cougar, we got to get out of here. You know, we're running out of gas. We've got to go land.

Like, he's not doing anything. and like, listen, it should be a surprise to no one listening to this. No one in this room knows how fucking aircrafts work. Nope, no, sir. I have all the respect in the world for the men and women that do this shit, man. Like, it is an incredible feat to pilot these things. Out of your mind, but yes, quite impressive. But here's the question, man, because, like, the whole time, like, he's, so, Cougar's

freaking out, and he won't land the plane. And all Tim Robbins can do is be like, hey, man, put it in gear. We're running out of guests. Why doesn't Tim Robbins have a stick in the backseat that he can take control? The movie does a very bad job of really explaining what the guy in the back is supposed to do. And if you're making this movie for all us, you know, feeble-minded corn fuckers out there, like, you got to explain some of this a little bit. That is part of the point is that, like, the guy in the back doesn't really matter more than anything as an emotional reflection of the guy in front. Basically, it's hype man.

You got this, dude. Do it, man. Go for it. Goose has literally taken pictures. I imagine he's doing something back there. I would honestly love to know. And, you know, anyone out there in the Navy that does this stuff, like, right in, man, because I'm really curious because, like, Anthony Edwards has taken photographs and all

else I see him do in this movie is look around. Like, he's, like, finding people. He's the mirrors, you know? Like, they don't have mirrors, I guess. So he's the mirrors for Maverick in this sense. Do you think they, anybody got pissed, like, you know, back in the, the day a cougar it was a masculine name it was something that meant that you were a dangerous animal now what is it a mother you would like to fornicate how dare they take it away from us

how dare they also if a call sign also a bear used to be a very terrifying thing now it's just a very large attractive gay man uh maverick has to like basically like you ever been on like uh you're at a high dive but you don't want to jump but your buddy has to be like hey man What are you going to do here? There's a line behind it. Like Maverick is about to land. He has to go, no, no, no. Hey, dude.

Hey, buddy. It's kind of more dangerous for you to come back at this point. You might as well just jump in. Really? So why don't we just get on this airliner and get out of here. Come on. Let's get on the ship, buddy. Yeah, the three company's on in 20 minutes, Cougar.

Got to go, dude. No one's taping it. Yeah. So it's this whole like Cougar is fucking on. and then like wild shit again I think fucking fired immediately man like he he maverick lands the jet and he's like nope got to go back and immediately takes back off and anthony edwards is like I'm getting fucking fired I'm gonna get fucking fired what do we do we don't have gas to go do this and james Tolkien doesn't care for this at all no oh he's really upset fucking slackers of the skies

dude you're a slacker maverick and he's like your father that died under mistake serious circumstance. His call sign was slacker. The Tom Scarrot watched die, basically. And it's not even a thing when Tom Scarrett like tells him at the end all that. It's not specified that Maverick's father saved his life at all. He's just like, yeah, he saved three planes from going down and, well, that's about it. Could you give me more details?

No, not at all. Nope, nope. The movie's got to end. The credits are coming. He's a hero. Just keep that in your mind. count as the epiphany portion of the film and the next you're going to go on and, you know, just kind of end the movie. See, his father's heroicism is going to fuel his assholery to finally go and kill four planes.

Kid, your father was an asshole and you're going to be an asshole too. You're going to grow up to be a great little asshole. But Cougar quits, essentially. He goes up to Tolkien, hands him a pin, which is nice. I would keep the pin. like, I keep this and just... Well, I think the wings are kind of like you're bad. You've got to turn in something. Got to turn in something. And my favorite line of this entire movie

is James Tolkien, to set up the movie, has to say, you two characters are going to top gun. Which is just... After telling Tom Cruise that his ego is writing checks his butt can't cash. You four characters, I suppose,

will be the ghostbusters. It's just like exactly... Yes, they're careful. characters in a movie, and they're going to the movie. I think you two are going to be tango and cash. Looks like you five boys are the super troopers.

All right, Andre 3000, all you? You are the four brothers. Oh, man, that movie. That's not good. No, it's not. You two documentarians are going to be capturing the freedmen. you two idiots trying to make a movie

will construct the American movie you two animators are going to get together and make the Great Mouse Detective just too

just too that's all it took for that maybe that's why it's like 71 minutes their arms got tired that's as long as we can go there's only two you've got a month

uh yeah the ego is writing checks your body can't cash. It's just great like screen time production from James Tolkien. Every line is a fucking it's a stinger. That's why they call him Stinger. And he gets to act

way more in this movie than he does in any of those Back to the Future movies. Well this is pure yelling and that is really his strong suit. I do wish that he had the wardrobe for Back to the Future 2 the robe and the slings of a shotgun show while he's yelling. Yeah they should be bothering

him at home somehow. Yeah, his call signs ammo. or they go to his quarters and he like just got out of the shower what the fuck do you two characters want I just love the idea of calling the character a character it's delightful you two protagonists

so I guess the thing is it was supposed to be a cougar and Maverick going into Top Gun but due to the resignation Goose gets by default as the third guy and someone I think it's Iceman

is like, yeah, you're totally here by default, man. And he's like, no, I'm not. We're the best. And I'm like, no, dude, you weren't going. You took a picture in the last scene. That's all you've done. You're the backseat guy. The rest of the class just starts chanting, Merlin. Merlin, where is Merlin? It's a great question, man, that I was asking through all of this movie.

And I don't know if it's because we just, we did a watch of Shawshank over the weekend. And I'm just like, well, that was full of Tim Robbins. well he's he's a good scurrier and again like he's acting like the mirrors so he's just like going back and forth and like hitting the walls of the jet it's weird watching this too and having to remind myself like it's

1986 yeah you know because like you got Anthony Edwards and I was like fuck wow look at that yeah like Val Kilmer like who was doing stuff of course and Cruz was doing stuff of course but then like you know it's Tim Robbins and he's not quite Tim Robbins like we know him now you know

oh no totally he's just I mean he he he He actually, it's actually, I consider it to be Merlin Erasure at the end of the film because there's the victory lap and you go through all of the guys and Kelly McGillis who will get into, but it stops before it gets to Merlin. It's just like, you know, Rick Rossevich gets something. All these people, Wolfman and Hollywood get theirs. Poor shit. But not, not Merlin Erasure. I call it Merlin Arrasia. It's so fucked up.

I don't think sundown gets there. I don't think there's another reason for that. But the thing about sundown too is. like sundown was even in the fucking school Merlin didn't get accepted so I can kind of get it but sundown was there he's in the 1% I would love it if people were just fucking like

right Merlin on fucking Goose's locker and he's like guys come on or they all really wanted to fly with Cougar for some reasons they're just scratching Cougar back and he's like guys it's not my faulty quit yeah Maverick it's too it's too bad you don't got the magic

you shut up you shut the fuck out dude I bet that's what could have been. That's how he got Merlin was like dude, he's like fucking magic. Exactly. Yeah, like Merlin? Yeah, sure. We're going to call him Magic Man, but then Hart threatened to sue. Oh, yeah, no.

They don't want to be affiliated with this. Oh, another great James Tolkien line before we leave him for a while as he goes something about like if they keep fucking around or whatever, they're going to be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong. I mean, the cargo plan would have to have more than just rubber

dog. I mean, we enjoyed rubber dog shit in the 80s. Sure, sure. But like you'd have other novelty items, some dildos would be on there, I would hope. Rubber duckeys. Black light posters. It's like, you know, a cargo plane that's going to like, you know, populate all of the fucking

what was that sort of? It's going to fly right into the Spencer's gift. They just drop them like huge, like boxes down to the mall. Operation Dildo drop, dude. And what I mean by that is I know a guy and I got hook you up. It's a really good job with great benefits. Look, we got a bunch of holiday cards about bonus. We just got tons of them here. Could you do anything with that?

We fly them by the jumbo truck, the jumbo plane load. Tons of dog shit. Tons of erotic cards. Oh yeah, dude, porno playing cards. Absolutely. I remember one time being on vacation one of those like beach stores or whatever where they will just sell you everything and it's in South Carolina so they'll sell you everything and shit with the Confederate flag for sure

stunningly this one piece didn't have a Confederate flag on it but you could wear it in the face of someone like carrying something with the Confederate flag it was this yellow hat I'll never forget it was a yellow like mustard kind of yellow hat

that just said eat shit and then had a plastic turd on the brim of the hat nice You can't wear that anywhere. They should sell that everywhere. It's like the New York ones too. You'll be the hit of your barbecue, but that is it.

The one time because you can't go to a second barbecue or host a second barbecue. It's like, oh, Andrew's got the eat shit hat on. But if you're really, if you're trying to knock out one big barbecue, though, I highly suggest seeking something like this out as a conversation piece. Totally. Your boss will not be grossed out. Your boss will definitely think it's funny. If you don't want to eat my hot dogs, you can eat shit. Let me point to the hat.

It's not real. It's fake. I didn't shit on my own hat. It's kind of surprising that there was no Confederate flag helmet guy. Oh. Like Rebel or something. I feel like. It was the 80s, dude.

We love that shit. I guess so. But if there's one place you can't get away from the Confederate flag, maybe it's the American military. I would hope. Maybe. I mean, fucking fingers crossed, dude. I know there's a bunch of shit, fuck.

white supremacists in the military too. Second question about those helmets, which are immaculately painted. Is that something like when you get your call sign? Is somebody doing that or you send it out to a company? Is it on me to get it painted? Like, do I have to pay for it? I think it depends.

I think you do. I think you definitely, for the paint job for sure. Yes. I don't know. Maybe you could get your name, your call name on it. Yeah. But like if you want the really cool one of the airbrushing and like, oh, well, it's like a hockey goalie's helmet.

Those things are fucking wild. you definitely got to send away same place like you do like car repainting just for helmet just for helmet detailing just for helmet detailing otherwise it would just be like

I don't know you do you write I'm maverick there's a maverick on your head little like sticker letters just like here's the M oh the A fell off there should be one of them at least that has like a TGI Friday's

wall type thing like just a bunch of weird shit on the helmet like a fucking like a Thai Cobb baseball just like pasted to it baseball there's a

fucking license plate all sorts of fun shit yeah yeah a stop sign on the back oh absolutely dude you better look over that guy

he's got a stop sign on his helmet shattering teeth that Jerry Lewis used in a movie nobody saw we made up our fake call signs

I was like I want to be green lantern but I wouldn't I'd be a pizza bagel but what if some guy wants to be green lantern

it's like hey that's character in Frischman kid Yeah, totally. They just paint over your helmet black, basically. I think it's no, no copyright material, man. Absolutely. It's definitely a part of it.

It's like when you go to when you're going to be on TV, they're like, no, you know what, you know what I mean? We don't want to blur that out. Yeah, no brands, nothing like that. That is part of the Warner Brothers Corporation, the DC universe. We cannot do that. We are the U.S. military. We only do Disney.

And we work specifically with Disney. You want to be called Ant Man. You go right to fuck ahead. Oh, but you also can name your call sign after an NFL team. So you can be Andrew New York football giant stupid. Sure, sure. Call sign in canto. Sure.

You go right to fuck ahead. But so they go to Top Gun, which is cool. Pretty cool. You know, we get Michael Ironside as jester thin as the day is long. I was shocked. Looking good. Now, that's the question. Is that an ironic name or was he just yucking it up at some point?

A principal Skinner, they say you are the funny one. Is there any truth to that? Yes. Yes, there is. It's my client's never told a joke. I think it's kind of, like, this is just my read on it. I think it's to make him out to be a clown. Because like nobody respects him except for Vipers. And even him, he's like, I mean, yeah, you made a point, but fuck you.

I like this kid. Well, there's one point where like Vipers straight up to Jester is like, yeah, man, he fucking shot your ass out of this guy. Yeah, yeah. I think it's kind of, he's supposed to be the punching bag a little bit. We do meet Val Kilmer, of course, is Iceman. How are we? And like, he's great in this movie. I have nothing but love for Val Kilmer.

How are we doing this, him being in this new movie? I don't know. I don't know how that's going to work out. We'll see. I mean, unless you're working into the character, he had the troubles that Val Kilmer has had. Probably. I would imagine. Because I'll tell you, man, I watch that fucking Snowman movie. It's just sad. I mean, it's a bad movie in general, but like...

The things that went wrong with the snowman are so... I mean, it's just endless. Everything got fucked. Yeah, but like he is dubbed in it, and it's really weird. I mean, I haven't had the stomach to watch the Val documentary, which I'm sure is really good, but it just seems

incredibly sad. Yep. I got no time to be that sad. I'm sad enough as it is every day. I'm not just going to sashay down that avenue, man. Sad Avenue. I'm going to walk down to sad avenue. Watch it about the documentary. And cry about a Batman. Yes, but he's, I mean, he's awesome in this movie. He's fucking kicks ass, man. Fantastic. I honestly, how many movies was he blonde in?

Ooh. Real genius for sure. Definitely. This. Top secret. It's like a Zach Morris blonde scenario. Very nice head of hair. Oh, Yeah. Well, that's, but that's like a die job. That's a die, yeah. That's like platinum. Like, I forget what he looks like in this. It does he, is it brown in the saint? Is it Burnett? Oh, well, he's changing a load of, a lot of disguises in that movie.

I'm not really good barometer. I mean, I mean the base. Oh, I don't know. That's more than likely to stay tuned. We will get to it. We will absolutely. On this feed specific. Yeah, yeah.

Although I find it pretty enjoyable. It's insanely watchable. But it's one of those movies where like the thing that he's going. after. It's like a cold fusion device and I'm like, ah, I don't know, man. There's a titch to sci-fi for this spy movie. Well, it's kind of set, not set. Well, it was one of those things where, like,

him and Cruz didn't get along on this set. And then he did the saint after he did Mission Impossible. That's just like, yeah, there never was a saint, too. Now, it's going to sting. Yeah, one has John Rodeau and John Voight, the other one

has raised Serbagia. Ladies and gentlemen. It sure does. It's him in that coat. Sierra taking two commentary to get that joke. So we have, oh, the rock and bar scene. We got to talk about it because here's the thing. I knew, of course, that, you know, he sings the righteous brothers. I learned what that was from Scream 2.

Got it. Okay, so Jerry O'Connell singing to her in the cafeteria and whatnot in that movie. And Chelsea was in the room when this part was on. And we both were like, oh, we did not anticipate. that this part was how he meets her. We'd assume that this part was like later on it's the get back. No, it's a pickup line, dude. And this is fucking humiliating. It sure is. Aggressive is the word. I mean,

you really are just like, you are laying it all on the line hoping this woman is not freaked out immediately. Yep. You're in 1986, Tom Cruise. Just say, hey, I'm Pete. How's it going? You know what I mean? That's all it takes. You don't need to be singing like an asshole. So I, that's something that was at the commentary was they actually worked this backwards. They thought, what's a good song to end the movie with? Oh, weird. That was what they were like, okay, so now we can shoot the bars.

Well, because that's the weird thing. It's kind of an obscure song. At least to me, I never heard this fucking song before. Well, the Redge's Brothers tune? Yeah. Oh, I'd heard it. No, but if somebody started singing it to you, you'd be like, oh, that's that song. Oh.

It's not like, I'm going to hold your hand or something. You know what I mean? Like, you'd be like, wait, are you, are you like, did you write that? Exactly. Maybe, I mean, I don't know, man, we're talking Nyon 40 years ago. I mean, maybe just people were more familiar with it back then.

It was closer to the year it came out. For sure. I think it's a Phil Spector song, so you know you got that romance worked right in. But yeah, he's basically like him and he's like, he's like, goose, I'm going to close with this chick. There's some, obviously some very homerotic back and forth between him and Val Kilmer.

We are dick to dick in this scene, man, and fucking Iceman goes, well, if it isn't Maverick and Mother Goose, ooh. And then Anthony Edwards should be like, yeah, man, I've been to the military for several years and that's been my call sign the whole time. And yeah, definitely the first time I fucking heard that real funny. You're fucking hilarious. I honestly think they should have leaned so much more into this flirting and all this stuff. Oh, sure. Like one of the most exhilarating moments is when they're in the classroom and the guy, the fucking, the two guys. guy. It's not slider. Maybe it is Slider. He's like, got a hard on, man. Like, wow, okay. And the guy, the other guy's like, don't tease me. I'm like, wow. All right. Let's do it. They're talking about like, you know, this kind of gun

and that guy's like, this gives me a hard on. It's like, all right, guys. Let's get at it. Totally. Do it. And Sundown has some lines in here also. I couldn't remember the dude's name, but I just got to him. I know it's. Of course, this is Clarence Gilliard Jr. he's the hacker dude from

Die Hard among tons of other stuff. And he's Chuck Norris is number two on Waukes, Texas. Oh, yes, of course. Ranger. That's right. So he made some money. Ranger. Solo. Texas Rangers.

One Ranger. But yes. But like, yeah, so he, like, to impress her, he sings this big song. And like, she's impressed enough, but the whole bar gets into it. Now everyone's looking. It's like, it's like a public.

proposal, but you never even kissed. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, that's very accurate. That is what it feels like like slash like flash mob because the whole bar gets in on it. And then she, I mean, she's just come off work from like looking at the latest casualty list from somewhere and she's just trying to have

a drink. Totally. She's got this guy in her here. Oh, man. And like so is this the song? In other words, like when all these Navy dudes like at this bar, at this Navy bar, of course, like here's someone start up with the righteous brothers

is it like, oh, get ready, guys. Someone's hitting on somebody. We got to find out who's singing because we got to come in in 20 seconds. Well, does everybody have their own song or does, does Maverick have a list of songs? He's, like, can he bust into rhythms going to get you? Oh, nice. If he really wants

to do it. That's a tough one. Yeah, yeah. I don't see him pulling it off, honestly. Yeah, smooth operator. That's an easier one. Yeah, totally. There we go. Now we're talking. But it's, yeah, but everyone is into it because they're all, again, he's a character and everyone else is just, you know, kind of around.

They're all NPCs, basically. And so she's like, oh, I got to go meeting somebody here. By the way, are you a good pilot? And he's like, oh, well, as a matter of fact, oh, you bet your ass I am. And she goes, oh, good. This is a great burn from Kelly McGillis here.

She goes, oh, good. I don't have to worry about you making a living as a singer. Chuching. I like it. I like it. Putting him down. Yep. And then she goes and sits down next to a dude that you can clearly tell just by looking at him as a guy who's a real life pilot. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's just like that guy's uncomfortable being on camera. It's like, he sits down at a table and you look at this guy. He's like, let me start through the papers on the table. It's kind of great though because then he follows her into the bathroom. Creepy move by the way. Oh, man. I mean, there's confident and then there's fucking scary. You know, breaking that bathroom space is a bit creepy. He goes in and he's just like, I don't know what you're doing with that older guy. So it's like this nice thing. It's like, oh, let's get the technical advisor in on the movies.

Like, that old fuck can't fuck you good. Totally. But that dude wasn't there on the day they filmed that scene was the thing. Well, mother, I had a great time filming the Top Gun appearance. What the fuck did he sing to you, Lancelide? Well, that'd be kind of great too, actually. Brought my wife to the Top Gun movie. They started roasting me.

And then she was laughing and that got me mad. Let's just say, we're divorced now. He said I looked like a turnip. I don't appreciate that at all. She says something about like, oh, what do you want to drop down on the tile floor and do it right here or whatever? It's like, oh, because the other thing is he's got a fucking bet going with goose. It's like, all right. Not only do you got to fuck someone tonight.

You got to fucking dittle someone in the bar. Public fornication. Which to me suggests that this guy has been going around fucking like city, town state, fucking everything that moves. Of course. But like, the way he comes on to her suggests he's never met a woman in his life. That's true. This is insane fucking

behavior. And then like I mean, you have to imagine if cell phones existed at the type she'd have picked, she had 9-1 dialed. I need to go with the one. Because the guy just sings at you and you turn him down and then he follows you. That wasn't very nice.

Hello there, Charlie. But the crazy thing is, She fucking helps them out, man. She leaves the can and walks by Anthony Edwards and goes, your friend was magnificent. Because she's flirting. She's into it. Absolutely.

So then like the next day, it's like, we're in class and it's like now class. Here's the speaker for today. This astrophysicist. She was telling me something about one of you following her into the bathroom last night. We'll talk about that later. Here's Charlie.

And she has just thrown grenades at her own career by trying to fuck this dude, man. Oh, yeah. They also like the Navy originally she was supposed to be The Navy really wanted to be really clear She could not be also in the Navy Because friendization's not okay

Right So it's like she's a civilian Every five minutes like Tom Scarrett's like Well look at that civilian contractor Over there who's certainly not One of us in the Navy Hello Dr. Civilian How are you doing today?

Dr. Civilian Well oh the crazy Oh I remember what the Scarrett line is though On the intro because he's like Oh, yeah. Now, may I remind you all? She is a civilian contractor. And as such, you will not be saluting her. Yes, exactly.

It's like, okay, man, I think they got it. Do not respect this woman. Just listen to her. Do you understand? And speaking to not respect this woman, man, Tom Cruise, speaking of roasting, he starts fucking giving her the business during the presentation. This is, but I'm sorry, partner.

This is her problem. She needs to fucking say officer. The goose and the fucking maver. She's doing the call. signs to them. No, he got to be like Lieutenant Mitchell, Lieutenant Bradshaw,

whatever your names are. Like, again, also I was looking at that too. Like, when Merlin's about to die, he's like, he's like, Cougar, come on, man.

Wouldn't you be like, Joel, will you fucking snap out of it? Like, wouldn't you in that moment be like, yo, Dave, what the fuck's going on here, man?

It's a great question, man, just when and where and why these call signs are being used, right? Because like, I don't,

if you're coming over for Thanksgiving and you're talking to like you know mama goose like are you calling her son goose or are you saying Fred or whatever I mean it's part of the lineage of Top Gunn is whenever you go in you have to be buried under your call sign so when Tom Scarrett dies it would just be

Viper his name will not be on the well that's kind of interesting right because you just made me remember towards the end of the movie when he goes to have that talk with Scarrett about his father Mrs. Viper opens the door and she goes oh hey Maver I was like, call this. All right, Meg Ryan's calling him Maverick all the time.

That's right. I think she says Pete like once. Like, oh, Pete's, Pete's a good guy or something to Kelly McGillis or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just imagining just this graveyard with like, you go to like the oldest tombstone that's there. Stick, dirt, snake, the original call signs that were there. It's like a humble weed. It's like an X-Men graveyard, really? Totally.

Oh, yes, I remember when fella blew up. man oh yeah this is dude well now now is jester like going to Starbucks

yeah let me get a large let me get a grande moccino good name is jester oh you said

chester sir no it's jester isn't a clown oh got it what's your last name so I can differentiate

in case there's another gesture a okay Yeah, and then the person at Starbucks has the drink ready And they look at the cup and they just go Just stare? Just stir?

I don't, Jerry? I got a chai latte for a moose. Did you say goose? No, I'm moose. It's just a dude in a big fucking letterman jacket. Pardon me while I get my car. Oh, I'm moose. Pardon me?

That must be the first name. So maybe James, Esther. I think moose is one of those nicknames that does transcend. Yeah, anyone's a moose. I played football with a guy, a buddy of mine in high school. We called them moose. It was just what I didn't start it, but it was just somebody did. We ran with it.

One of my favorite drug dealers growing up was named Birdman. That was fun. Oh, well, a drug dealer, you got to have a call sign just as much as you do in the military. Oh, man. Wait, you got drugs from Michael Keaton? But again, if we were about to crash, I'd be like, yo, Mike, why don't you fucking slow down? I would be like, hey, Bert, you know what I mean? At a certain point,

Merlin put that blood down. Exactly. Do you even remember my name? Say my real name. Well, because that's the other thing too, right? If you are potentially seconds away from burning up in a huge fireball, you don't want your last word to be Merlin. You know what I mean?

You want to be saying, Jeff. But yeah, like, it's going back and forth. We, with the first one, we get our first. There's a couple like exercise sequences. The first exercise sequence. And again, like, Tom Cruise does a great job. Like, he, they, they, whatever, this is what, they're going against Jester. Yes.

And I want Jester. Basically. That's a bad Tom Cruise delivery right there. Not you doing the line. When he says, I want Jester in the movie, I was like, that's a take two, Tony Scott. But there's something called a hard deck, which basically means like you can't fly underneath it because those are the rules of what this exit. The only way this actually makes sense is. is if you follow the rules.

Right. He goes under the thing and Tom Cruise, like, no, I want jester. It's like, well, no, now it's invalid and you're, you know what I mean? Like, it's just, you went out of bounds, dude, game over. Exactly. We all know that our, you know, our nemesis in the sky, whether it's Iran or Libya, will follow our rules. So let's make sure we have rules for encouragement.

Yep, exactly, dude. And then he gets jester. It's a great move. And everyone's like, wow, really cool, Maver. and he's got to do what he calls what's a flyby to the tower, buzz the tower, what he has to say. And Goose is like, dude, we just got

here, could we not do this police academy horse shit? He's like, no, baby, whee-hoo! It's day one, dude, I got to make an impression. And it's not even, like, it's not Strickland, and it's not, like, Tom Scared or Jester. It's some guy he's never met. Just some guy.

I would like, if this guy had, like, the fucking taken his fucking, the last fruit cup from the fucking commissary. Like, maybe I'd get this. I thought the guy who twice gets douched with his own coffee in this movie. Doesn't he look a little bit like David Keith from Firestarter?

He does kind of, yeah. For a second, I was like, say, and it's also, I guess it's just like dudes that look like that get military roles because he also looks like Glenn Morshow. Yes. Another just character actor who's constantly playing authority figures.

Mark, I remember Glenn Morshauer, we used to, God, we used to take shots. together. He would always say, we should do more showers. And I'd say, thank you, Glenn. Thank you so much for telling me about how nice it is to shower more with a friend of yours. Excuse me? Joe Sundown Biden. That's his call sign. He would be sundown, man. But it's amazing because he is my favorite line this guy, because he's like yelling in Tom Scarrett's office after this. He's like, they are my tarbara. I want some butts. Give me their butts. Oh, right. Yeah. I want butts. dude. I love it. Meanwhile, like Tom Cruise and Anthony Edwards are like standing outside the office like, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, and that guy like storms out. You got a scholarship to the most prestigious

bloody scholarship, but like an opportunity. And again, like, if it's like you're doing something cool in the service of like protecting your friends or you know, someone's a jerk off and like maybe he's abusive, whatever you want to fucking buzz the tower and show that guy who's boss, you're just being a

it's like leaning on your, it's like doing a donut in the fucking, in the faculty parking lot. Yep. Congratulations dude. You're a dick. Yeah. And, you know, the thing with fucking jester, too, and that whole thing, like, you're just essentially aggravating a teacher.

I mean, you fucking said Zach Morris in relation to Val Kilmer's hair, but like, he's acting like Val Kilmer himself, Maverick is. The shit. Oh, Zach Morris also has a much better repertoire pranks. You would not catch him fucking dead doing a donut in the fucking parking lot. Are you kidding me? Now, I'm just imagining

Tom Cruise being timeout in the plane. Time out. I can't fucking get it. Time out. Goose is like, I can't control the fucking plane back here. There's no timeout back here. Plain just drops out of the sky. That rules. Scarrett says something. What is the fucking line?

He's like, you know, obey or your history. Like really fucking gives it to him. And they leave. And then this was when Ironside's like, yeah, we showed them or whatever it is. And Scarrett's just like, yeah, he fucking beat you, dude. I fucking beat you real hard. But then again, because the movie has to remind

not only is the guy's name Maverick and he acts like a maverick. Sure. And he's already been called a character. Michael Ironside goes to Tom's character. Yeah, he's a total wild card. Completely unpredictable. I mean, who knows what this guy? It's going to be cool for sure, whatever he does,

but it's totally unpredictable. Ironside like sends a note after the premiere and he's like, that whole thing about like me saying he's a wild card. You told me we were filming that for the trailer but then it was going to be cut out of the movie. I mean, did you really? I mean, he just did that thing to me.

We know he's a wild card. And he's about to do something just as wild. Just in a minute. Scarrett does have a great line here to Ironside. He says, because they're literally trying to figure out if they should kick him out. And he's like, if you had to go into battle, would you want him with you?

And Ironside says, I don't know. And then did you see what happens here? No. Dude, we get some Tom Scarrett teeth touching. Of course. He loves to do that. He looks out the window and goes, ah, tapping my teeth.

I love scared. I think he's vastly underrated. Oh, big time. Oh, man. Big time. He's a rock. He's an anchor. Like, that's what's good about him.

It's like, if you put him in, like, this and alien, like, he is like kind of the straight man usually. And like, but he has so much gob to us just by his presence. Kind of incredible that both of the old Scott brothers knew to use this guy. Speaking of actually another, uh, another connection, Ironside is in scanners. Scarrett's in the dead zone. You think of that scene that just talking about David Cronenberg? Oh yeah. Hey man. It was like working with that Canadian weirdo. And the Iron Sides like,

hey man, watch it. I am Canadian too. Yeah, it was weird though. He's a weird guy. He tried to get you into that chest vagina movie. Yeah, he was telling me, but man, I don't think I could do that. Man, if Scarrett had the role over fucking James Woods, that movie wouldn't be as uncomfortable to watch. It moves out of the problematic Fave department, right? Right back into Fave. Totally. Now, It's just as it is. It's in the fucking PF column, man.

It's a real bummer. Whatever, Goose tells him like, hey, man, I'm kind of fucking scared to be flying with you. Dude, don't fuck this up for me. Well, it's basically, could we not get expelled because I have a fucking wife and a child and, like, it's going to affect my career if I can't do this shit.

And it says, like, I feel like when I'm up there with you, you're not paying attention because you're busy chasing the ghost of your father around the skies. And I was like, ghost plane movie? I don't want to die. I know that's new for you and maybe, but like if you could just not kill me. Yeah. That'd be great.

Look, I've got a 1986 Meg Ryan waiting for me. I don't know what I'm doing here, but I am, I would like to get back to her at some point. Hey, Maverick man, I got a mint condition Meg Ryan back home. I gotta say it's weird of all the like pop culture

permeation that this movie is done. Yes. I literally had no idea she was in this movie. Oh, really? And it's surprising that I've never, like, heard this or seen anybody to talk about because I think she's actually pretty great in this movie. This is the era of her secretly because you forget she's an armed and dangerous too. Oh, I didn't forget that. I mean, I forget.

This is an era where I just didn't remember her being in things. I mean, she's like Amityville, I think, and I looked it up. She's in a couple episodes of Charles in charge. You know what I mean? By 86, she hadn't done, I mean, I guess I should have her IMDB open. What was I thinking about? Innerspace? no what was the um when harry met sally no i know i know that that's a joe versus the volcano like that shit all the like isn't she also is she the woman in volunteers

with hanks and candy or is that somebody else no that's somebody else i think that's somebody else jo versus the volcano though was her at tom hans but that's that's like that's 89 or something oh wow oh i thought that was earlier in the is okay yeah so she's just this is like a breakup movie for her and she's really great she's so fucking good in it uh but so they um oh we get the stuff the brief study hall flirtation see oh yeah that's if Kelly McGillis like walks in, sees Maverick like studying at a table and she's like, yeah, I'll throw my career down the toilet. Let's go fucking flirt with this guy again. His enemy, this big dude, Rick Rossovic, from Terminator, by the way, previous

Patreon episode. Who's Rick Rossevist and Terminator? He's the scumbag boyfriend that gets murdered. Oh! Yes. And he's Slider? Yes, he's Slider. Yeah. Because they're like, that's a tall guy. He's a very big dude.

tall dude. Absolutely. Did that guy play basketball or anything? He might. He should. There was another guy. What's the other hunk that looks just like Rosser, a bit of a whip ebly or something like that?

Oh, that guy's an incredible name. Oh yeah. Wiphebby, I think is Hollywood. I was like, because that guy, it's a weird, I have no fucking clue who this guy is,

but when you get the victory lap credits. He's in there. He's in there and has this like incredible, like, classic Hollywood look to him. And I was like, did this guy turn out to be like a pervert or something? Like, why didn't he have a career?

Not that being a pervert would stop. Did he kill somebody? Not to killing somebody would stop him. Maybe he wasn't enough of a pervert. Oh, that's the thing. They wanted to get down some sick shit. He said, no. Didn't level up quick enough.

You really have to do it quick. But yeah, look, in front of his rival, she gives him a piece of paper with her address on it. Like, come fuck me at not, 530 sharp, by the way. Yeah, 30 sharp. You better get there.

But he has to play with the boys first, dude. Got to get this volleyball sequence. Playing with the boys Having not actually seen the movie I just assumed that this was on a beach It's just a disgusting sandpit On this fucking base or wherever they are You want to be a little filthy

When you're doing when you're playing with your boys There's fucking pee in that sand Oh for sure It's disgusting It's kind of great because it's Kilmer and Rosevic Who are like jacked out of their minds Versus Cruz who's really cut And you know who's wearing his shirt

It's Mr. Anthony Mr. Revenge of the Nerd himself. Absolutely, dude. Because you know what? No matter how many ice cubes you put on them things, those nipples were staying puffy and flat. But he was like, I can't get him hard. If they're not cutting glass,

I'm keeping this t-shirt on. We have this glass just to test. Every time you get on screen and this just isn't going to cut it. It's Valcimer's fucking shattering windshields with his nipples. Can your nipples get me harder though? No? Anything with the, they're just flat.

Wow, it looks like two pink marshmallow. Anthony, do you want to... We could get you a private trainer. You understand? Oh, man a nipple trainer. Just to keep you in... We won't, you know, nipple uniformity. Oh, you get the...

Val, who do you use for your nipples? Oh, I don't need an assistant. This is... Oh, natural Val. Of course, it is just fantastic val. God damn! Look at those nipples on Kelma. Can I get a Polaroid of that? Do you got a Polaroid around?

Goose, where's your Polaroid camera? But they're just having a sweaty, sexy volleyball playing with the boys. Pretty hot. Kenny Loggins. It's a great tune. They give you some time with it. It's not just a bite. They want you, you know, a full, a little bit of an appetizer here.

Oh, big time. And so, yeah, so he winds up being late to the sex dinner. This was a crazy thing. I don't think it is, but is this the house from fucking chairman of the board that Karatop and all his butt. lives in. Doesn't it kind of look like it? It should be. There's probably a thousand of those houses in

California, I guess. I don't know. Well, we don't see inside to see if it's full of shit. If it was, it might very well be. And Estelle Harris screaming at them. Exactly. Where's the red? Kelly McGillis. Get your rat. Oh, another one of your boys are over.

Oh, he's a bomber, is he? But this is a power move. He shows up late. And, you know, he's apologetic. And she says, you know, no apologies. he's like, you might if I take a shower? And she's like, yes, it's my fuck. I don't know. I don't want you in my bathroom right now.

Dude, my whole shower? Showering, here's the thing. Showering at a hotel is one universe. Showering in your home shower is, of course, the most comfortable preferred. For sure. Showering literally anywhere else, fuck it. Just fuck it, dude. I can't take showers in other people's houses.

Like a house, it's like, because it reminds. you of your own house. Yes, sure. But the shower, like, Pete, things are in different places. And now all of a sudden, I mean, more than likely you're dealing with a single bar of soap. Now this guy's putting in his taint. Which, you're going to get in there at some point, but not yet.

No. Oh, yeah. I mean, if it's, if you're using somebody else's soap, absolutely not. That's not happening. They haven't even shared a meal yet. You can't wash your taint with her bar of soap. A water here. If you have a water heater, I'll use your shower. I will do that. But like, yeah, the thing with this is he's clearly on a system. He's like, all right. I got all worked up with the boys.

I'm sweaty. I got the pheromones of running wild. I'm not going to shower before I get to this lady's house because she's going to smell my dang shit and she's going to go crazy. Yeah. But I'm going to then tell her, uh, a la some weird fucking porno scene. I'm going to go into the shower and get naked. Yes. And maybe you want to hang out right outside of it.

And she's like, no, absolutely not. No, no. That's my career. That's going to be the move. It's going to be that like you just described or possibly. like a he comes out totally fucking nude he's completely hanging brain and he goes oh it's weird Charlie you and I both have the same invisible

towel oh the old invisible towel totally man gets them every time says Maverick oh what you didn't grow up with nudist parents I just I just assume or like oh I forgot my towel oh I can't use towel I notice you only have 140 thread towels they irritate me so I'm just gonna air dry

just let this it's gonna stand out on your patio and just air dry in the nude. Oh, hello, neighbors. No, no, it doesn't hang so low when they dry. It's, it's, it's a little more. They have dinner, which is nice. It's a nice little dinner. He tells some rambling story about his dead mother listening to Otis Redding. That's fucking creepy as all hell. This is the weirdest story I've ever heard in my life. He's like, oh man, my mother used to listen to this song all the time. I fucking hate this song. Yeah, it's the dock of the bay, by the way. Yeah, yeah. It's one of the fucking greatest songs of all the

Absolutely. He's like, I fucking hate this song. But boy, my mother liked it, crickets. Like, that's the story. It's even worse. So he's like, she would just go into a room and listen to do it for hour. Four hours. So like now your mom's either really stoned or incredibly depressed.

Those are the two options. Yeah, yeah, your mother was in train spotting. Yeah, what was the boozing situation in the Maverick household? A lot. Yep. Yeah. Yeah, that's what you're flying from, basically. That's back when you could.

get the medicine with the cocaine right in it. She tries to fucking pull out some info about this dad. Because it's a known thing in the Top Gun Academy. Like something happened to this dude's dad and they won't tell us and like he doesn't even know and whatnot. And she's like, so, what did

your mother ever tell you about your father? And he's like, yeah, I don't know what happened to him. All right? It's fucking classified. I don't know what's going on. Shouldn't we be fucking? He was a super spy. That's what they told me and I believe it. Therefore, I'm the best. But this is when he's good at laying in game here

Because she gets really into him And then he goes I want to go home and take a shower I like being here Thank you for having me It is the most Tom Cruise Scientology fucking sound shit Exactly

It's really really weird This is after she goes She's looking at him After these two fucking really weird Parents stories And she just sighs and is like This is going to be complicated Crank up the take my breath

the way and then he's just like, I have had a great time. Thank you. This has been an evening. I have enjoyed your engaging with your conversation. You have beautiful thetans, ma'am. I'll see you later. It's just really, really weird. And like after that, again, it's like, Kelly McGillis, did you hear, like, you were putting out stuff and did you hear what he was given back? Bad stuff, bad news. It's fucking weird. There's a robot fly in that jet. And also there's no, you can tell this guy's not going be cool with it. And that's what the next scene proves. Well, we'll just kind of they had a reshoot scene in between

which is very up. Yeah. It's the elevator scene because she's wearing a hat because her hair was a different color. Oh, okay. Cruz was shooting color of money. Yes. So here's significantly longer. I didn't even notice. And then basically I guess the point of this scene is to remind

the audience that she's like, I like you a lot, but I'm going to take my job seriously kind of a thing. Is this where she says stuff like, please understand like I still have a job to do or is that because they kind of do it twice it's kind of a useless scene to be yeah but that's it's so weird because it's like you're cutting

from a very long scene with them together to another scene with them together you're right and you have no sense of how long his fucking elapsed between the two well and it's so dumb because he leaves on like the I gotta go take a shower cut to the elevator and he's been working out

and he gets in all sweaty and whatnot and she just says like looks like you need another shower All right, was that earlier that day? Was that four weeks ago? Well, now, you know what? I'm going to start stalking you now. You've been stalking me.

This is a relationship. We should just be stalking each other. Because there's two reshoot scenes, this and the sex scene. Apparently the sex scene wasn't in it. And the test audience is like, why do they fuck? And then they're like, all right, well, the fuck. Well, all right. Yeah, that's weird.

I understand that note, I guess. Yes. Well, that's funny because when they cut to the sex scene, all of a sudden it turns into a meatloaf video. It does. It's a very tonguey situation. Oh, dude. Yeah. Tongues are fucking wagling on both sides. But Tom Cruise doesn't have like horns and like look like he's got like makeup like he's half dead on. Yeah. It's not a weird. Is it supposed to be like a weird beauty and the beast thing in that video? Directed by Michael Bay by the way. Speaking of Jerry Bruckheimer. Quite a good work actually, one of his. It's pretty. It's, it is a rock and music video. Rock and whoa movie. They do the dumb thing in the elevator too where like they're about to fucking just.

just mashing faces and then the gag of like this other dude gets on and Cruz has to be like hello sir and I mean this dude knows what's up as well you're just fucking that guy that's for sure yeah totally nobody who are two complete strangers

or just like professional whatever stand five inches apart from each other's faces and in all day it doesn't happen yeah totally breathing into each other's mouths and be like oh we're just having a work meeting here hey viper your boy's fucking the lady

Viper calls up the president It's happening again Son of a bitch Once again Mr. President It's happening again Oh what's happening Oh

Oh tongue kissing in the elevator Is you Oh these civilian contractors Mommy They get up to no good With those fly boys What did you say wrong Oh man

I heard she sucks good deed That's what the word On the street is 20 years after her death Just ask Al I do love Because the next scene Actually makes more sense

Which is was probably the next scene In the movie Which is they have this tense scene And the next scene She's chewing into him For doing top gun For doing Maverick shit Right

Yeah And he gets all pissed about it And this is when they have Like this incredibly dangerous sex race Oh my God Dude sex race 2000 this fucking thing He's a menace

On and off the air All right You know what to me? This guy on this motorcycle fucking forget about it. Because he, you know, yeah, they have this thing where they're, it's like they're looking at game tape. Yes, exactly. You know, and it's just like, you made this move and that was fucked up for this reason and blah, blah, blah. And she's like telling him all this. He gets pissed off and he's like, or she says something like, what were you thinking up there?

And he's like, up there, you don't think. When you think, you get killed. Whatever it is. You got to react, blah, blah, blah. They have this big blowout. He just leaves like a petulant little turd. He goes off in his little motorcycle. he just fucking goes

she starts chasing after him in this fucking James Bond car she has this thing is excellent this car she's mowing down kids though to fucking get to this dick it's insane she blows through this intersection dude chasing after him or whatever and he pulls over like what were you doing

oh my god that was dangerous there shouldn't be in elementary school there it's dangerous it's near a military base and she just says like I don't this is a bad line man she's just like I don't want anyone to that I've fallen for you and they just start making out the street

and this leads into the sex scene and take my breath away, kick it up to high notch. Exactly. Set your lights to purple, you know? I mean the fight is so indicative of the whole move like the thing is that he did the wrong thing but it worked. Exactly.

That's the whole thing and she's like I hate how wrong and right you are and I'm like this is like almost operatically stupid. a right wrong person like that makes me so horny

you should also be called Rebel no we can't do that that's the fucking dude from Alabama that's flying Hey rebel come on let's get him

who we fighting for no you gotta watch your hard deck rebel all right rouser so we get it's like the second exercise scene here this is where we get.

I got the need, the need for speed. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Or feel the need, excuse me. He and Anthony Edwards have a pretty good chemistry, I think.

Very good chemistry. Yeah. Kind of weird that they never, like, went back. I think I kind of feel like it wasn't the first revenge of the nerds movie that ruined his career.

It was the second one. And that's what he just stopped doing him. Yeah. Because he never came back for the third or any of the other ones, but it was just like, it was because it was probably like, I just wanted to do

the first one. I didn't read the contract. We got to do a fucking nerds too. Is nerds two nerds in paradise? Oh, I don't believe so. I believe that's... I do not remember. It's a little later in the franchise. That sounds like number three. Nerds in... I'm looking up nerds in paradise. I don't even know if that's what it's...

It's nerds and they're doing something. They're going somewhere. Nerds on vacation. I'm just surprised that Edwards. You're correct. Actually, Avenged the Nerds to the Nerds in Paradise. Yes. Which is actually 87, so it's the next year. So it's just like, yeah, we're going to need you back for that revenge of the nerds movie. So, like, because what else was going on after that? Because, like, that means he really didn't get to capitalize on this. No, he had that one weird, uh, Moonlight Mile where he's like, it's like the end of the world.

It's kind of like after hours, but like L.A. Yeah. That's what that movie's called. Moonlight Mile or like, like, uh, Miracle Mile. Cause wasn't that the Jake Gyllenhaal movie? Miracle Mile. Okay. Uh, something called summer heat he's in.

Revenge of the Nerds, too, then something called Mr. North Hawk. Miracle Miles, correct. Miracle Mile. How we got to college, downtown L. Diablo, all bad stuff. E. Pet Cemetery, Delta Heat, landslide. It's really just waiting for ER to show up. I mean, he was also, I think a half of those are like photocopies of like, we're picking up babes at the beach. Exactly. Again, that nerds movie fucked him over. Yeah. Oh, they just thought he was like this fucking weird looking pussy hound or something. And then finally, I mean, years later, he gets. is in Zodiac he finally gets to

he's so fucking good in that movie it's ridiculous that movie I was just because I'll say that it was a weird thing about me and nothing against the program it just like never came round my eyeballs I've never seen an episode of E.R Oh really? Not a single episode. No for no reason

sure but like so I missed all of that. I knew he was on it of course for a thousand years and he had that weird he kind of kills himself by walking to the ocean because he's dying. Yeah yeah yeah very sad but so I never move. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're taking control of your own destiny right now. Yeah, yeah. That's a

Dunkirk debt. That's fantastic. But, like, when I saw him finally in Zodiac, like, it was probably the first thing I'd see them in fully since them nerds movies. He's like, what's the nerd doing in Zodiac? Totally. I was looking at the fucking nerd.

Oh, Ruffalo, look out, there's a nerd. Oh, you got a nerd cop. Oh, you had nerd cop, dude. That's a movie. But, like, and he's so fucking good. And he is good in this movie. It is, damn that franchise obligation. I think it fucked him over. Sidesracted him hard.

But yes, this is when a viper comes in and it's a cool like them versus scarrant. Sure, but this is like the principals coming to the class visit. Yeah. Kind of like we all got. And it's like the coach is playing one on one with you in basketball. Yeah. This is kind of sad. But it also looks worse for Ironside because it's basically his boss being like, listen, they fucking

ran circles around you the last time. Man, you look like a real idiot up there, Jester. Jester, this is the third time they've caught you in these trials. Why don't I just start calling you clown? Why don't I just call you clown from now on? Look, we already agreed. I got two more years with Jester and then the clown discussion can happen. But I already have the Jist your tattoo in my right arm.

Can't change that to clowns. I can do whatever I like. I dub the gesture. I kind of want Michael Ironside's head to explode in every movie. Wouldn't that be something? It would be. Like, it's just like, you went out of the hard neck gesture, ah, and his head explodes.

Well, yeah, you call him by his actual name, his head explodes. Oh, shit, that's what does it, right? David. No. This sequence has a lot of really laughable ADR. Oh, yeah. Because most of the guys, like, you see him screaming and yelling and whatever, but Scarritz got like full helmet on in the,

and the oxygen thing for the entire sequence. And there's a lot of him just being like, damn, that kid's good. Wow, look at that. That kid's good. Garrett doesn't yell. So he's not going to be like, come on. He's like, he's really good.

Yeah. Like even when he's literally saying the words, come on. He's like, come out. Come on. Oh, wow. He's continuing to be good. That's fantastic. He's been good all these times before.

Now he's still good. And this is the, like, this is like more just epitome of Maverick ass-hullery because Maverick is the wingman of Hollywood in this situation and then he's like I'm going after Viper Hollywood's totally fine I'm going after Viper and I'm like

screaming along with Anthony Edwards like that is not the mission dude you got to fucking watch that guy don't leave your wing man he's clearly doing this to get you to fail like it's what else would he be doing you fucking idiot and if you're Anthony Edwards you go to listen

I talked to you last time you got to listen to me in there. I don't know what I'm doing back there. It's ill-defined to even me what I can even do. I'm just, I'm blind spot guy, I guess. He's sticking like a silver soup spoon out to reflect to see. I think, yeah, there's two back there, two megs is what we got. No, when, if for longer trips, the guy in the back is there to like, you know, keep the driver up a little bit. You know what I mean? Totally. Like, holiday road. How long does this song go? he's just like slapping the back of the helmet wake up up there

but you know they get in trouble for abandoning your wingman like that's the that's the lesson of the lesson and he's like not doing it's like you abandon your wingman what you never do yeah it's kind of great because he's like oh I got him vipers in my sights I got him and then uh-oh jester from behind you're dead you little fucking kid show me up at work will you god damn it I'll fucking tell you mama your name's gonna be clown by the end of this you clown. I'm not the clown. You're the cloud. Not going to have to get this gesture tattoo remove after all. Clown. Other cloud. There's a new kid. His name's Maverick. You're going to be runt.

It's just like his name is Michael Ironside. I just the idea that that guy looks like that, sounds like that and his name is Michael Ironside will never be not news to me. His call sign should be slab. Like something really like hard and like totally. I'm like Aaron. I mean honestly just call him Ironside. Yeah, that would be kind of great. That would be kind of great.

Okay, so here's a thing. We're singing in that bar. Oh, yeah. Obnoxious. Equally obnoxious, if not worse. Playing jangly piano in this like family restaurant screaming

great balls of fire. No thanks, Anthony Anderson. I wish Anthony Anderson was in this movie. Anthony Edwards. Two reasons why it's worse. One, at the beginning they're at a Navy bar. And it's like all Navy guys. Right. And if you're there, you see all those white uniforms. You turn right back around.

It's going to be a loud night, not for me. And if you stay there, ride the ticket, ride the ride. Yeah, exactly. That's, that's, you made that decision. This is, again, it's a cool, like, you know, there's, you can get like some shrimp, some shrimp, like, uh, po boys and like some beers and you're kind of having a hang on. The piano is just there. Yep.

Do you make it just a point here? It is a shithole. It's not like... It's not like... It's like dust everywhere. There's dirt everywhere. You are eating some dirt when you eat a hamburger or a shrimp po-boy. Either way, you are eating some dirt when you eat here.

You may call... I said a restaurant, but you may call this a cafeteria. One of those places? You're only getting like the old school, like tiny like five-cent bag of lays potato chips that are yay big, like almost just a cube. 90% air. Yeah. But I also think the problem is, it's not even just like, at least Tom Cruise sings the whole song.

Yep. Anthony Edwards is just doing the chorus over and over and over. It is four different times just the chorus. You take my name. And he does the whole thing. And then like everyone's screaming at it. And like, there are just people like, Jesus Christ, I'm trying to get drunk. Because the other thing that's hilarious is like their table, because like he's, you know, tip-taping away, tickling the ivory's there.

and Mavericks like singing along with them and they're being buddies or whatever. And then the ladies are way off in this other corner of the dining room. Meanwhile, there's like a family just sitting a foot away from this piano. It's like, you need to have that real estate covered with your own because you're bothering these people.

Anthony, Anthony Edwards and Meg Ryan are yelling at you that we're going to go fuck right after this. Correct. While some guy and his fucking, they're fucking figuring out visitation right now. film. Like, I would be so furious. And it's amazing because McRyan's just like, oh, I love, because she's got this fake

Southern accent. I love, I love Maverick. He's the best. You know, Goose goes home early every night and tells me all the girls he's hooked up with, like, that's phone sex is what that is. You're having phone sex about, you two are having phone sex while imagining Maverick having real sex. So what do you think he does to him, Goose? You think he takes him from behind. She drank my nose and he drowned on my brain Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo Bo

Could you get rid of the piano honey Could you could we talk Well I don't know honey I was thinking about a I accidentally saw a maverick in the shower The other day Oh yeah What's you see

What's he working with? Well you of course he had his famous invisible towel Waste in a way again And Margarita God damn it God damn it goose I were at a restaurant

Honest a goodest restaurant Honest to goodness restaurant downtown. And we sit down, we get drinks, we put it in an app order, so we're locked in. You're there now. A group of 10 girls get into a table like three tables away from us. And they're playing like, you know, kind of old 90s hits. They play Hit Me Baby one more time. And when I tell you, they said, all 10 sang that song from beginning to end.

And it was just, I couldn't believe we know. the beers I haven't come yet. We can't even, we can't, they're getting that's disgusting. I wanted to die. It's inappropriate to sing in public. All right, girls. Next, it's tears in heaven. That's bad. But you know, my name. That's terrible. But you reminded me of something that I think is just a bit worse. Oh, which is a restaurant hiring a performer. But not putting any signage up that this is about to happen. Oh, you would. go to, I mean, go to jail. Where's the jail? Go to jail. You should be forced to close your restaurant for good. We went to this place.

That's not you got a D in fucking the, uh, the sanitation. This is we're, the fucking health department thing. We're making Hague too. We're getting a second Hague to take care of these people. It's just for restaurant crimes. Just that.

It was this restaurant Long Island City. It was like this very old school, Italian place and whatnot. And we go there to check it out. It's got like a storied history and everything. So we go in, we sit down. It's all totally fine. very old school Italian

like fucking red and white check tablecloth like the whole thing the fucking disgusting candle that's been melting off oh sure and like out of nowhere you just hear not an actual harmonica

you hear a synthesizer like keyboard thing in harmonica mode da da da da da and I was like oh no someone's playing piano man, a dude directly behind us at a casio keyboard, Billy Joel covers the whole night.

Oh no. And here's the thing. I like Billy Joel. I love fucking singing his songs and bars and whatnot. Not for a fucking restaurant. And first of all, you don't even have the fucking good grace to play scenes from Italian restaurant. You're not going to do that. Why would you do that? It was bunk. And there was no signage. There was no like Jerry, whoever the fuck appearing at 645. You don't give it like a poster or anything like that. Absolutely. It was man. That's, that's, that's, That's a terrorist attack.

How do you stay there, man? I would want the fucking food. It was in. It was in. You know, the move there is, can you wrap this up for us? When it comes out the kitchen, don't bring it on a plate bling in a fucking cardboard thing. And so I can go home. We're going to eat it in the car, actually.

We're not even going to drive home. We're literally going to sit in the car to eat. While this guy's saying, Captain Jack to get your high tonight. Tip. your waitresses and me. Yeah, give me money. I don't know what we're going to do with

Grandma's ashes. This is her favorite little chicken shack she likes out here by the air. You shake my knife and you're proud of my brain. Oh, grandma would hate that. Then all four of them at the end of the scene, get into it. And now because it's all about them. You're the only fucking people in the world.

I guess. Yep, yep. You rented out this fucking disgusting, dilapidated Crab Shack or wherever the fuck you're eating. Yeah, well, that's this. I mean, that's the scene. Now you know that Kelly McGillis is one of them. And now she's been right. She's part of the horde. That's right. She's

drunkenly singing in public. She's one of them. Nope. Because what's her big Ryan yells out, take me to bed or lose me forever to goose. Not so fast. I will lose you forever very soon. You know what? Say what you want about Anthony Edwards career at this time. They were an item

actually. So there's that. Personally used you in just okay. He's doing good. yeah that nerd did all right that was the revenge of the nerd I'm having sex with Meg Ryan quite a revenge totally man yeah Anthony Edwards for the win

yeah so then it is that like she also Meg Ryan says to Kelly McGillis here she's like by the way like if you haven't yet you got to lock that down and she's like well why and Meg Ryan is like because I've known this dude for years

and he's clearly in love with you And she's just like, oh, this can't be good for work. Or she should be, but she's not thinking that. Wait, wait, he's treated women worse than me? Oh, how? How? What? How? Oh, he didn't like just throw your underwear in the hallway and say, go get him afterwards. Oh, he loves you. He must love you.

He lets you stand upright around him. Wow. Well, then that's just, who. They have a quick shot. You don't get an Anthony Edwards. Meg Ryan's sex scene you just know that they're off having some incredible five alarms sex yeah while he fucking sings the pits

of Little Richard By the way we should say also Jerry Lewis Their very young son is right next to them The entire time And that kid you know what man He's four and he's heard it all before And you know what that's how you get

Miles Teller my friend That's how that shit works Oh he's the son He's Goose's son Stop it I'm not going to I refuse I can't. It's true.

I can't. We already ordered the beers. They're in. Now we have to listen to this. Great. That happens to people when they go to our live shows like, oh, fuck, we got it. Are they going to do a whole live podcast? Oh, fuck. We already ordered the beers. I thought it was just going to be the jokes. There's stuff in between. The thing is, like, everyone I know who has seen Top Gun Maverick already is saying it's great. The buzz is really great.

Fucking Miles Teller is a. virus, dude. Biles Teller, I think, may have made out the best out of, for COVID and anybody else. Because movies that were made way back when and might have signaled the end of his career back then, now he's getting a second boost. Yes. Four years out. But is he not in this Godfather program that's on Paramount Plus, the offer? Oh, yes, which what, seven people watch. Yeah, I mean, it's not well, but like, he's working. Oh, yeah. I mean, like, once you do, I think once you're in something like Whiplash, they're like, we just got to get him

we just got to give him another time. One of these times it will hit again, no, it won't. He will be likable. He's not. It's a, uh, that was a special thing. Him and Simmons have a good chemistry. Well, I'll tell you this. Fingers cross, because I'm definitely going to see it.

I'm excited for this movie. Fingers crossed, he meets the same fate as his father. That was great. But I mean, that's the thing, too, is I mean, like, Tom Cruise is an asshole in this movie. But he's got that charm. And, like, it's different than Miles Teller. It just is.

A charm. A charmless asshole, there's no potential there. Well, that's, I mean, the teller's thing is smarm. He's much more in that vein. Like, Tom Cruise, you know everything about him and you're like, I shouldn't like this guy, but fuck. Yep. He's good. Yep.

Yep. It's that fucking Tom Cruise magnetism and that intensity that he brings to literally every part of his life, which is terrifying. Whereas Miles Starrer, you're like, oh, he's a drummer. Cool. And he's very good at that. Oh, and his dad's Paul Reiser in that movie. Yeah, that seemed, yeah, cool. Whatever.

It's good stuff. So we get a thing. Somebody, I think it's sundown maybe says something about like, well, it's only two weeks to graduation. You know, that like things are, you know, progressing here. Oh, I guess the thing that I was saying about not seeing Anthony Edwards and Meg Ryan having sex, you just get Kelly McGillis and Tom Cruise hanging out on a motorcycle just making out by the docks or something. All right. Because the docs was in the song, remember?

right, of course. Baby brain. Doc on song. They're not sitting on the dock at the bay, dude. They're kissing on it, though. This is the song when mom killed herself. I mean, I love it so much. You love this song. I don't want to bring you down. But I think this is the goose scene coming up here, right? Which is basically, it's another one

of these exercises. We know that Iceman is up by two points or something like that. Oh, that's the other thing. We haven't mentioned it, but they are racing to be the top gun of top gun. There's a fucking prize that's awarded every It's a plaque. You get your name on a plaque.

Oh, right. No cash prize, you think? No cash prize. I mean, I think that maybe you get mozzarella sticks at that shitty bar. Oh, yeah. Oh, we're a local partner with the U.S. Navy. If you win Top Gun, you get some mozzarella. Here's eight mozzarella sticks, Mr. Top Gun. You also get to invoke prima nocta with that guy's wife. Oh, definitely.

Or maybe it's a big tray, Steve, and they spell out Top Gun with the mozzarella sticks. Oh, that's fun. that's a lot of mozzarella sticks. Can I tell you speaking of And if you finish those you get a t-shirt that says,

I ate all the top good mozzarella sticks. That's literally what it says. Man, I'll tell you what. I went and saw that fucking piece of shit

Dr. Strange too. Sure. And I was fucking high as balls at Draft House and I ordered mozzarella sticks along with

fried pickles and a huge beer. The woman next to me, I've never seen someone so disgusting does she saw what came like because the dude things in two hands you could see her doing the mental math

of like well he's at the end of the aisle and I'm sitting in the second seat so he's alone oh all that foods for oh I implore all my brothers out there whenever there's a Marvel movie go to an alma go to any place where you can just eat fried foods and I mean like loud chomping

Slop it up, dude. Do it the whole thing. It gross out everybody. I got to say, I too would do an Alma draft house. I saw it. Two and a half stars for Dr. Strange had a five for me. That was a two. The first 40 minutes are terrible. Middle 40 minutes are clunky. Last 40 minutes are pretty good. That's that's my quick review. That's by right. I ordered the chips in casso and eaten that in the dark man. I left, I left that theater. It looked like I just blew the cheddar goblin. It was just like there was just cheese. everywhere. Do you want it on your face around your ass? I'm the cheddar goblin.

That's what I'm hoping. It's really what I'm hoping for is that people around these people get like liquid cheese and chili and bacon just flung at them while they're in the middle of watching this shit. I was a true menace during Eternals, man, because that's a much quieter piece of shit movie

and I'm just gnoshing those chips loudly. It was K-o-time then, man. I would start doing the Homer Simpin Chom. Oh, what was that, you said, Gemma Chan? There you're not missing much. But it's something, something he and Ice Man are going after Jester and something else.

There's a, there's a funny thing where it kind of sounds like Mavericks in traffic because he just has his line. He goes, that son of a bitch, cut me off. And you need that air horn like I was saying. He's going to get Jester and then something happens where he cuts in front of, oh, that's right. Iceman cuts them off and they get into a tailspin or something or a flat spin they call it. Yeah, they're both vying to shoot Jester

out of the sky and Val Kilmer's trying to get the shot and he's like, I just need 10 more seconds, five seconds, whatever. And then he's like, I can't get it. I'm out and he pulls out. And I guess like Tom Cruise, they say a few minutes later after all this that like the air from

when he took off like that went into one of the engines and fucked it up. And then they're like spinning yeah like sort of horrors like both engines go out and they have to like Tom Cruise can't get control of it or whatever and they're trying to eject and

oh man it's a brutal it's an awesome death it's kind of an all timer for me it is it's really brutal because the the top comes off the plane Cruz gets out and then his Anthony Edwards maybe it's because he was too tall it just goes he goes right into the back of the glass yeah and you hear

the tunt yeah it's a really good thud sound effect there and they both the parachutes both open they both lane and again because this is me only seeing fucking hot shots I'm like oh yeah he gets stuck in the tree yeah cut the drama just to touch

and I was like oh no that's what do they call that guy Walleye that's John Cryer's character yeah yeah yeah why isn't he firing one of his rooster missiles oh I'm definitely rewatching that there's no doubt in my mind it's a blast But he's dead.

It's kind of funny watching these Coast Guard guys lift his dead body out of the water. It's just like motionless man. And it's actually, it's kind of a fucking sad thing. It's actually, it works out because like they're in the water, of course. And the guy, the Coast Guard guy or whatever is like, you got to let him go, son. You got to let him go now.

And I'm like, oh, man, he fucking promised him. He'd stop fucking around. Let go of the meat, son. Let go of the meat. This is for the pigs now, son. Let the pig. have her. The pigs can help him now. Let the pigs

oink him. We got to get this wet meat into a bag. Let's go. The next scene is great because it's fucking it's a dramatic scene. But you know what? It's been a little while. Even though he's sad, we still got to see Tom Cruise's nipples. Oh yeah. Because he is in this

bathroom and you want to have an invisible towel. This is invisible underwear he's wearing. He's jockey shorts. Yeah. That are white and he's completely wet. So it's just you see everything. grieving in your underwear is pretty That's Chris Cabin's What do you call up there

Stand-up special Grieving in your underwear Absolutely And it's just Chris like Put in his hands in there Like what do you want me to do about it? I was always a boxer man Yeah

You know you're just like shaving in your undies dude And then like in comes fucking scare it And he's like Well I'm just gonna start talking to you About your dead friend here Feel free to not put any clothes on And you got to let him go it's been 48 minutes, dude.

He says, you've got to let him go. It's not even been an hour. But I mean, I think what he's really trying to do there, because he says to him, he's like, hey, man, this is the game. And by the way, this is not the last time this is going to happen. You know, like, he was like, this happens all the time. It's flying around and getting in dog fights and, you know, whatever. So get used to it.

Yeah, he's fucking dead, whatever. Why don't you try to fuck that wife? So because that's a thing. That's stunning that that doesn't try to happen. Because let me tell you something. I think that's a, it's a free pass. Well, I, I, that, you know, that's a different movie. Like, you know, him pulling a Hunter Biden.

I don't know. I don't know if that's really what you want from your. What does that mean? Like, because he fucked like his brother's wife. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's, like, his dead brother's wife. Oh, uh, post death.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Move it in. That's a Hunter Biden right there. I, the other movie, so that's one movie, right? He goes, basically, Tom Cruise sadly gathers all of Goose's things and gives him to Meg Ryan. And she's like, it's not, of course, she's, she's more concerned about him. You know, she's like, oh, yeah.

She's like, it's not your fault. Oh, my God, blah, blah, blah. He loved you so much. But it'd be great if he goes in, he drops the box and he goes, they bought it. And like the camera turns and it's like, it turns into an insurance scam movie all of a sudden. All of a sudden. Exactly. Top indemnity.

Top indemnity. The best indemnity. We're going to have to be cool about this. We're going to have to play this just right from here on out. I mean, jazz starts playing. Dude, I'm picturing this. It's playing in my head right now. Alternate real form of Top Gun.

What an odd turn for Top Gun. Remember, the tears have got to be real when you talk to Viper. Remember. She's slapping him in the face so his arms, his eyes start tearing up. Oh, that scared gets wise and they got to kill him. Oh, yeah, of course. Oh, fuck. Yeah, this is way better.

And at the end, it's Jester, who, finally finds them out and actually gets to stop them. Oh. Finally he gets his fucking revenge. After Viper dude, he's like, oh, hey, Viper, you want to go up for like just a fun flight, you know? And he's like, yeah, sure, let's do it. And then he fucking does the ejector move, you know?

But like, uh-oh, he has secretly removed Vipers fucking parachute. That's it. And then a shark he gets on. Like that Batman movie. The fall from the fucking into the ocean is like the fall of the guy on the staircase and psycho. Yes, you use the lame rear projection, not lame, but you know, of the time.

Oh, I'm sorry, I got to do Tom Skirt. Oh, no, no. Yeah, we're going to need you to scream a little louder there, Tom Scarrett. You're falling out of a plane. Oh, no. Hold on, all of these insurance payments have Tom Cruise as an underwriter. Yep. Pete Mitchell, eh?

I think that's what they call Maverick in the civilian world. His name isn't Maverick. it's Pete Mitchell This is a good movie The other thing that could Oh then at the end No sorry You know like he

You know Meg Ryan comes at Michael Ironside He shoots her And then you know He shoots Tom Cruise at the head And he goes I guess I'm top gun kid Credits

You lost that love And it's a freeze frame On Michael Ironside Looking down at Tom Cruise's dead fucking corpse and the credits are just playing over it and the righteous brothers are playing, but we never go to black.

It's just freeze frame iron side looking villainous. Love it. What should have happened and it would be much more in tune with the movie maybe and not so much a weird film noir plot, which would be a better movie, by the way, no doubt about it.

She needs to fucking slap him in the face. This needs to be the time where it's like, you know what, dude, you're not perfect. You're a fucking asshole and you got my husband killed. Exactly. You have to learn that shit. And then maybe at the end, she forgives him or you know what that's what that journey is. Yeah, because she's just

it's a weird moment because she goes he really loved flying with you and like here's the thing Tom Cruise of course total movie star one of the last to ever fucking be and like great you know whatever Tom Cruise is great

but like this is 1986 Tom Cruise here's the Meg Ryan running circles around him in the scene because when she says he loved flying with you they turn to him and he's supposed to like break down and he just looks like a little kid from standby me blubbering and never really

gets there with it. It's bad right here. Yeah, I love all my fans. I really I'm gonna get back up there though. The most fucked up part of this and I wanted to be addressed in top gun colon colon maverick in theaters this weekend. I

what I'd like is it to be addressed why Tom Cruise gets goose dog tags? Isn't that something you would give to your fucking small child son, you know, or the wife? Like, he's just like, I feel like he doesn't tell me about it. He takes him out that

house, dude, and I don't think he's saying shit. And then he throws him with the fucking ocean at the end. Exactly. It's all about my journey. Fuck you, Goose. Like, now some dolphin is shitting out goose's dog tags when they could have been at his kid's locker at high school. You know what, dude? But as it turned out, it's better

because I don't want Miles Teller to have them. No, yeah. I don't want any honor going to that kid. And do you think there's a scene in this movie where he tries to fight Tom Cruise and Tom Cruise kicks the shit out of him? I hope so. He's got to hold him. Like he tries, but then he gets him in like an embrace. Because here's the, oh, well, if it goes that route, yeah. I'm not going to do what I was about to say. But here's the thing. I, because like, to watch Tom Cruise beat the shit out

of Miles Teller, I would possibly need to watch this movie at home because I might just start jerking off. Yeah. Seeing that shit wipe get his fucking ass kicked by somebody. I mean, You got to assume, I think he gets burned to death and not only the brave. Oh, yeah, he gets cooked up. Yeah, I think he cooks up nice and good. Oh, that's a firefighter picture from the same director, right? That dude's a well-done steak in that film. Oh, ooh.

Pretty good movie, actually. It is actually pretty good movie. And this guy who did Maverick is the guy who also did Oblivion with Tom Cruise. And Tron Legacy, baby. And Tron Legacy, of course. And McCorrie is involved. Tom Cruise has gotten very Scientology-esque with the people he allows to direct him. Yeah.

It is very, and I'm not saying these guys are in Scientology, I don't know if they are, Macquarie and whomever this other guy is. I don't think Macquarie is. But it's very like, these are my guys and that is it. Well, it's interesting. I think they might be, you're right,

but I think for two different reasons. Because I think with Macquarie, he was like, oh, like, whatever, was it five was the first one that Macquarie directed? He was right after Bradbird. And he was like, oh, here's the guy. Now you'll just be the rest of them because we work really well together. I'm wondering

if with this guy, it's like, okay, you directed me in oblivion that one time and we got along well, but yeah, why don't you come into Top Gun? Because this movie will be quote unquote directed by you, aka Tom Cruise, the director. Yeah, it's got to be somebody who's okay with being a co-director. It's like Costner.

Like Costner is always co-directing his movies. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like somebody, I forgot this, but it's not actually him who directed Waterworld. It's somebody else. But you always think of it as him. Yes, that's true. That's very true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's such a good director.

Sorry, I was using air quotes on the air. The Postman, a fantastic movie. Dances with wolves, the movie somebody's watched in the last 35 years. I fucking double dare you. No. Well, you know, I got to get my dances with wolves rewatching, man. What with Avatar 2?

Oh, the weight of wolves. Because I think now, look, dances with wolves colon maverick comes out next thing. Here's the thing. I'm putting this together the way of the way. So this, Avatar 2009 is just dances with wolves with fucking Gleap Clops. Sure. I think this new one coming out in December, it might just be Waterworld with Gleap Glop.

Oh, interesting. So then now we got, we got three more of them there, Avatar pictures coming down the pipe. Like, Avatar the way of the mail is the third one, you think? Yeah, no, we got to start looking like, what is the Costner movie Cameron's ripping for this one and that one? I am starting to get a conspiracy going here. I don't know which one Field of Dreams is. Oh, yeah, there's just an avatar movie where they're playing baseball.

We're going to make an imaginary world here. It's an imaginary baseball, fucking field in the middle of fucking... They're hitting the baseball with their sex ponytails. Oh, definitely. What is the...

Because this would actually make kind of an interesting avatar movie. What's the cruise movie? Mr. Brooks, where he's like alternate personality murderer or something like that? Yeah, it's Mr. Brooks. It's what it's called. Yeah.

you imagine there's like, so that's one of the Costner movies that Cameron's aping and he's just like, yeah, in this movie, a fucking gleap-glop's a weird serial killer or something. I'm into it. Why not? Fucking murders Sigourney Weaver's characters. There was a great point, and then we'll stop

talk about Avatar. Someone made a great point on Twitter or somewhere about that first Avatar movie where she, in her fucking avatar Gleap body, has a Columbia t-shirt. or Stanford or whatever the fuck it is.

Yeah, what I say, what, UCLA or whatever the school is. And it's like, well, these things are huge creatures. They're not people size. So you had to send away for a massive shirt in our world. A triple X, dude, the triple X L. At least a triple XL. These things are like fucking 10 feet tall.

Well, you have to impress the Glebeclops. They need to know how smart you are. Isn't another planet or is a dimension? It's a different planet. But it's like billions of years from Mars or something like that. I don't remember it. Yeah. I fell asleep to it. The last time I watched that movie,

we were on the road, it was like the last 20 minutes and I fell asleep at a hotel. Speaking of jerking off. Dude, that's where I got to go. Avatar. So like Tom Cruise is sad. This is the sad part of the movie. Iceman comes up.

He's like, you know, everybody liked Goose. Sorry for your loss. You know, we're mending that bridge. He's showing that he's the bigger man here. We all loved how much you loved him. And how much you are so loved. by him even in death. My favorite part. Oh, and then

there's the part where sundown and this is his backup guy and... Yes, that doesn't go well. For no good reason. He's just not listening to sundown. I don't know. I. Well, it's a weird thing. Yeah, they do another thing. And it's like he starts choking. Sundown is the guy in the back seat.

Like, fucking fire on a man. We got it. You need the points. Fire. But why would you, like, why are you pushing this? Like, if you're Viper, like other than you have a hard on for this. kid. Why would you be pushing him to be like, you just, the kid, his fucking, Rio just died. Yeah. And like, fucking, you sent Cougar out of here just for getting a panic attack. Yes. He just killed his best friend. What the fuck? Cougar quit, but you're totally right.

Because Viper does have some line. He's like, we just got to get him back up there. Like, I think he's talking to Iron Side. It's a game. You literally keep on saying, it's a game. So why would it matter? Yep. Oh, oh, but in case, just in case a fucking, a foreign entity fucking gets into our airspace. You never know, dude, starts a skirmish. That's the idea, yeah. He screams at sundown, like, I'll shoot, but I've got to get some good Tom Cruise yelling.

I'm, what I'm goddamn good ready. Oh, yeah, it's fucking great. But then he quits, and my favorite line of the whole movie, a guy you've never seen before. Yep. He just picks up a phone and calls no one and just goes, yeah, it's Wolfman. Maverick just quit.

And I just want that to be his mother. on the other one. Oh, honey. Oh, you told me all about you having fun adventures with your friend Maverick. Oh, no. Oh, no. That's, is Goose-dye? Oh, no. That's too gone of your best friends, Wolfman. Do you like how your mother called you by your call sign? Is he the one that's fucking the lady? Oh, that's fantastic, Wolfie. Wolfie. My little son. Oh, beautiful Wolfie. You're totally right, though, Steve. You have a collect call from Wolfman.

Oh, I'll gladly accept. Oh, hi, Wolfie. Yeah, but the movie stops dead and Wolfman makes a phone call, a guy who's at no lines. And it's crazy because it just cuts to a scene of Tom Cruise at a bar and she comes in, Charlie comes in, it's like you use the editing to bridge together the answer.

You're like, okay, so this guy who until, four seconds ago we did not know it was called Wolfman called as if he's spoken to Charlie on the phone a thousand times and called her to say that Oh, is that who he's calling? It has to be because how else does she know

he's at the bar? I don't know. That's a good question. She's got spies. It's the only conclusion my brain could come here. Hello, Entertainment Weekly. It's me Wolfman.

Maverick just quit. Owen Gleberman. Are you there? Hi, Larry. Love your show. I'll hang up and listen. but Maverick just quit. Okay, Wolfie.

Well, you go to bed now. This is Mamma Mia shining off. That's my little calls. Oh, I'm Mamma Mia. Papa Roach is asleep. Big news out of the beach boys down there at the air base. Turns out Maverick quit. This is confirmed by, of course,

everyone's favorite pilot, the U.S. Navy, Wolfman. man loose lips six ships wolf man keep that shit closed they're just like was no one else like on set that day exactly like even rick rossovitch gets slider to be like oh shit maverick quit that makes sense you know what to be or whatever slider's got a ton of lines yes and also like you've seen them around these people or a sundown who was his number two for a hot second it's like i guess gotta find a new number one maverick just quit no wolf man like well slider would be the best one because he actually switches sides. This, maybe my face is when when Kelly McGillis and him at Tom Cruise are having the argument in that class. Like, after everybody's yelling at him, Slider

just sink right into his little ears. I just want you to know, that's the gutsiest move I've ever seen in my life. I'm like, man, do you want to fucking start necking with me now? What's going on? Yes. Absolutely I do. Mom, this is Wolfman. I think something's going out

with Slider and Maverick. Oh, Tell me, Boar. Oh, Wolfie, that's pretty salacious stuff. Let me wake up Papa Roach. I'm going to get the popcorn going. Hey, Papa Roach, wake up, it's Mamma Mia. Wolfman's got some salacious details. Oh, I got to turn on the lights.

Don't scatter. It's not another story about that sundown. I think we heard enough about sundown. I haven't heard enough about sundown. Daddy's my friend. Wolfman It's so It's Wolfman

Maverick He says it to no one To no one You need Because that's the thing Right You need to cut To Kelly McGillis

On a phone And she picks up the phone And leaves the house That's all you need to see You don't even need to say Nothing And then you get You cut to Tom Cruz

In his hot morning shirt He's got this open fucking black And he's just like No I'm quitting No I'm quitting Come on Let's let's finish the movie

No I'm quitting. No, come on. Let's have a movie. She fucking slams him right here, though, dude, because he's like, I'm quitting or whatever. And she's basically like, oh, quitting. That's one maneuver you have down well. Nice. Eat shit, Maver. Just like your dad who died under mysterious circumstances. He's at this bar. He's drinking water and just like, you know, the waitress is like, awesome. Here comes a 0% tip. And it's crazy because she just assumes it's booze because it's an adult at a bar. and she goes, I'll have what he's having. And he looks up to this waitress and just goes, ice water. Kelly McGillis needs to be like, oh, that's what it was? Oh, never mind. A straight vodka.

Oh, no, vodka. Ice water, no napkin, please. Yeah, I want to put a ring stain on your bar, right? No napkin. Nothing, no. I'm a professional asshole. Hello, Wolfman. it's waitress. They're here again.

Hey guys. Yeah, it's Wolfman. Maverick might not be quitting. I just heard from waitress. They kind of start sounding like Transformers. They do a little bit. But then he goes to Vipers house, like on his way out of town or whatever. Yeah. And she's like, oh, Viper will be right down or whatever, his wife. And this is this shirt on Tom Scarrett. This is a Sunday afternoon classic. beautiful. It is. I mean, I'll never be skinny enough to wear it, but it looks kind of a George Jetson shirt, like George Jetson cosplay, because it's like an open collar. Three buttons, open collar situation. Really flowy white thing. It looks super comfortable. It's what you would wear if you were in the wedding party at a very casual destination wedding. Yes, exactly. He's got a nice pair of flowing khakis on, just a nice, you can tell that material is very light. The wind is getting right through to those nipples. Don't even. worry about it. Oh yeah. He's getting ready

to like start to get the coals going to the barbecue happening. The grill is happening tonight. Don't worry about it. And it's like all right, let me just fucking tell this little puke really quickly how his father died. We get the fuck out here. I get the pork chops on the grill. Well, look you here. I guess I'm the father figure in this year movie.

Let's give him a talk and get him back in that airplane. Tried to pass that responsibility off to Jester, but that guy's too much of a fat moron. He just said to him. Well, what's this up hearing from Wolfman? you quitting? I got a call from Wolfman, just not 10 minutes

before you showed up. You got a direct line to me. I got a private line just for Wolfman calls. Maverick's like, who? You know, Wolfman. It's one of your school chums there. Hollywood's guy. Oh, well, Hollywood, I know. Wolfman, are you sure? I don't remember. I think I would remember a

Wolfman. Are you talking about Sundown? No, I'm talking about fucking Wolfman, man. Really? So that's like all the inspiration. he needs. Your dad died a hero, blibbibb. Exactly. And then he winds up going to graduation.

Interesting little thing here is he does not win top gun. Can't win them all, kid. I like that. Stunning. Yes. Stunning bit of storytelling right here. I did not see it coming. I was surprised that he didn't just like, be like, oh my God, oh, Maverick.

I didn't think you were going to come to the ceremony. Well, clearly this is yours. Yes. You won in spirit. Oh, yeah. It's a famous Rocky Ropa Dope. He's spiritually won. Yes.

Default. Default, default. And then Tom Scarrett gets these envelopes like, oh, it looks like World War III is happening, ladies and gentlemen. Want to get involved? Here's your World War III assignment. Here's your World War III assignment. Oh, no, the Soviets are invaded.

I mean, we're in military action against the Soviet Union right now. We're dead. All of us are dead. It's just so weird because, I mean, I guess the movie should just end in training. You know what I mean? We've all learned something, like, whatever. and it all maybe like something something somehow

Maverick gets the better vice man at the end I don't know you write your movie but maybe you want to like actually put some little time into this Kelly McGillis fucking Tom Cruise at the end of it that might actually make sense what the hey yeah give it a shot I mean clearly somebody was like

nothing blew up yet you read my mind that's exactly what it is because it's like we got this high octane action movie what is the one thing we're missing there ain't no explosion wait do we Get the counter out. Do we have any dead foreigners? We need some dead. Okay, yeah, we need dead foreigners is what we need. Okay.

It's also very weird because because we're like intentionally not like saying who these people are. You don't get them speaking. Yeah. You know, you'd figure there'd be a subtitled something. Like if it's the Soviets, somebody's spitting Russian out. We get some subtitles. There's just nothing. It's just like this. Basically it feels like they cut to the same one guy and you see his thumb press the missile look. button every time. I mean, it's literally military propaganda. So it's the faceless enemy. You know what I mean? Like he doesn't have a voice. He doesn't have any

and he thought he certainly doesn't have a family. Oh, definitely not. No, he's just, he's just the faceless enemy. Well, we, I guess cats out bag. We should tell you anyway. If you fail, if you're the last and top gun, you have to be an enemy in live combat. We, uh, we send you out and we put on a helmet with a star on it. And, uh, you, you will die is the, what we're doing now here. Jester, you want to tell him more. about that. Dobre utra, Mama. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's me. It is your son. Perogi. Calling Mama Mia to speak to Mama Mia and Papa Wolf. My friend Soviet filmmaking system has died.

Porsche went down. Forcht went down. We lost cosmonaut. Oh, there was a cosmonaut. You never talk about the cosmonaut. Wacky rogue number six has quit the system. He's very sad.

Wacky rogue. That was how you translate Maverick to, so. Oh, no, terrible news. Bicycle riding bear has died. Oh, no, cabbage law is dead. Yeah, Russian's grieving. Indeed. Oh, mercy.

So, yeah, we're chasing. There's basically a thing where it's like, oh, there's two bogies. We've got two bogies. Uh-oh, there's three boogies. Oh, four, oh, five bogies. And it's a fucking great principal Strickland just being like five. Yes.

And Merlin's back, baby. Because we're back on the aircraft carrier. So there's Merlin. Like, hey, how is school? That was your fucking trip to Hogwarts, you fuck. Well, he got a, he has the best. of this is like a fuchsia paint job he's got on this thing. It's a

it's the best helmet. It's the best by far the best helmet. Yep. It sticks out. It's fucking rules except that he's called Merlin but everything else about it is totally awesome. Sundown's a good second I would say. Yeah. Not a bad number two helmet for sure. Wolfman Hey what's I got this telegram from Wolfman it says you quit. And that guy's got

to shut his fucking mouth. Keep my name out your mouth, Wolfman. Wolfman just has like fur on his helmet. Oh, definitely. It's a shitty rat. Do you think they started calling him Wolfman because he's got insanely hairy back?

Ooh, that'd be nice. Like I didn't look at him too closely, you know, because you don't really know him because he's not a character in the movie. For sure not. You think he's got like fucking Robin Williams forearms, you know? Maybe. Like fucking carpets on your fucking arms. I'd like to see that.

Something. Good old hand hair. Robin Williams. Robin Williams acknowledging that he had Harry Arms is one of the funniest things. On that special, remember that big, I think it was from Broadway. That special?

He was pretending like he was eating pussy. Yeah, he's like, this is what it looks like when you eat pussy and he just put his hand up to his own hairy ass fucking arm. Like a gay rock. Damn. Genius. Total genius.

But yeah, it's a big action scene. It's, I mean, it's pretty good. It's funny, but it's got. But it seems like it's the fucking opening scene for what could have been Top Gun 2, 1988. Yeah, precisely. Like, it's Iceman clams up. He doesn't clam up like, he can't shake somebody.

Yeah, he can't shake. He needs to be. helped and you know what I mean now you're not top gun motherfucker here comes maverick yep totally but actually Hollywood and Wolfman get shot out of the sky and I'm like well that's the two dudes but they're alive at the end

they make it safely I guess their fucking roof pops off appropriately and nobody gets again military propaganda the good guys never die you know what I mean true oh fucking suck it then what was Goose's problem tax evasion he's weak he's weak he's weak he had the hottest wife of the bunch so he had to die

he should have given her Meg Ryan should have been gifted to Maverick we all know this there's a crazy moment where like he's not responding Maverick you know everyone's like Maverick what's the fuck's going on and Val Kilmer's like you know I need help where are you blah blah blah and he like pulls away and they're like

uh Maverick's disengaging and he's sort of like it's almost like he's got to pull over in the sky he's just like talk to me Coos what are you stopping at a mobile station totally fuck are you it's this go shoot the thing and it's just like Hey, Merlin, man. You hear him talking to that dead dude?

That sounds creepy. Merlin to base. Merlin to base. Oh, my God, shoot us out of the sky. I'll get out of here. Yep. So, you know, and then it's like, I guess all he has to do. Like, he got to, he, he sort of uses the force here a little bit.

It's a little bit because he does say, just talk to me goose. And then magically, like, everything's fine. Did you ask for me, Alec, kiddis? Oh, hello there. Use the Doss. We don't want to get sued. Just, Anthony Edwards. face comes up and it's just like,

Goose, don't fuck my wife. Maverick, I'm being serious now. You kill these fucking flyers, but then you do not fuck my wife. You hear me? There's just one stipulation. Don't fuck my wife. I'll tell you how to get out of this sticky situation.

I'm not going to have a Miles teller's son, and that's how it happens. She finds out that you're fucking his mother. Do you think that could be a twist? I swear to not. son that's in the movie. So at least he's got a kid in this movie. So I assume it's that. You hope. But, I mean,

you could be saying back in 1986, he's diddling Carol. That's a good point. When I saw him in his skivies and he was grieving so hard, I just had to do it. I mean, I'll just say, unless there's a fucking die job or something, Miles Teller

looks closer to Tom Cruise than he does to fucking goose. Absolutely. And also like I'll look at when Miles Teller was born, but probably after after 1986 for sure. And this kid's like two or three years old in this movie. So like, oh, that's true. So that's kind of weird also.

He's got a long face like Edwards. I kind of see it. But you're right. I mean, it is more of a cruise. I just want the Miles Taylor character getting bad information left and right given to him in this new movie. 87. Oh, okay. He wins.

He wins. He shoots the last dude out of the side. He saves Iceman. Yes. Is the whole thing. Iceman's plane has taken on both sides like gunfire. Yeah. Because it's like, oh, we're too close for missiles.

I got to switch to guns. and so, you know, they don't get shot out of the sky, but he's, you know, taking some fire or whatever. A lot of explosions are a missile to plane explosions are really satisfying. It's satisfying. I get it. I'm not an idiot, but it just doesn't fit in this movie at all.

It feels like the mission should start, like, earlier in the movie. Yes. Because it does feel like an afterthought of like, oh, fuck, no explosions. Yes. The funniest thing is in the country, Don Simpson, like, Tony Scott's like, I don't know why they picked me. But my last movie was, and he keeps on.

he keeps on calling The Hunger His first movie The Vampire movie He's like It's so esoteric It's just so esoteric I don't know why they picked me up

But apparently he had some commercial reel And he had some commercial where a Like a Corvette races a jet And Don Simpson's like Well he knows how to work jets Well I watch this commercial and Yeah All right yeah

Let's do it Fuck yeah Give me the Corvette guy Yeah fucking fucking cars racing a jack I'm gonna snort a mig oh commercials

he you know he blows everybody out of the sky we all land the score swells oh my god bam the fucking electric are just leading

this score dude I forget it's either the guy who did the Terminator or the score or the Beverly Hills Cop score who did it Howard what's it? Oh, fuck. Oh, I feel like I was just pulling it up

because, of course, he's getting credited for this movie, the new movie, which means we're using that fucking score. They, uh, Wolfband and Hollywood come back. Wolfman goes to the phone. My, uh, it's Wolfman. Uh, I survived. Yeah, but what happened to Maverick?

What's going on with Maverick? I don't give a shit. But Mama, I was shot out of the sky. Yeah, great. You're talking to me. So you're fine. What's going on with Maverick? Did he quit? Is he? Oh, my God. Is Maverick back? I graduated Top Gun, Mom. I don't care. Why didn't you let Maverick graduate Top Gun? Is Maverick there with you? Put him on the phone.

I want to say hi to Maverick. He's such a star. You're talking about this dude Harold Faltermeyer cabin? He did something else. It's Beverly Hills Cop. He did Beverly Hills Cop one and two. Did Running Man. Oh, nice. Very nice. Legend. They must be talking about.

top gun left and right in that Val documentary because he's actually credited in that that makes it well you have to it's a huge Kilmer movie you know what I mean oh big time uh well he doesn't have a lot to do but he's there I mean he's a great it's one of those things you know fan casting he would have made a great cyclops back

in the day in the 80s like oh sure because that's exactly the character right like the guy that does everything right yep the guy that like is a bit uncouth but like you root for him anyway stuff shirt yeah and then the ending is you know you can fly my wing anytime

Iceman says bullshit you can fly mine Maverick You got Maverick Oh you tried to be nice but then You got maverick Yeah it's Wolfman Maverick burned Iceman pretty hard

Yeah it's Wolfman Iceman got Maverick Did you get did you get Oh my God did you tape it? Did you get the tape recorder I gave you I told you because I wanted to hear everything Maverick says Look I gotta start hearing

the tape recordings of those sick Maverick burns. Look, I play it in the bedroom when me and Papa Roach are going at it. So, you know, why don't you just help your mother out? Your mother's been calling me Maverick, boy. It's getting disgusting up here. I love your mama Mia. Don't come back, Wolfman. It's sick. He, uh, like we mentioned, he fucking chucks those goddamn dog tags right into the Indian Ocean.

Doesn't tell anybody. nice little private moment for him and his buddy. He tells like he's packing up or whatever and Strickland comes in to tell him like what a good job he did and everything. He goes, how does it feel to be on every paper in the world? For what?

Or starting the World War III. New York, it says New York in rubble pilot starts war. Maverick to New York. Drop dead. It's they got a nuclear winter on the East Coast

Kid. you feel about that? It's just so fucking weird because it's like, I don't know, I'm pretty sure, wouldn't this be like a kept top secret? Like we're doing this fucking thing. And that every paper in the, what are you talking about? Strickland? Maybe, maybe he's just losing it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to finally die in liquid fire. Like I've always wanted to do. Um, but yeah. So he's like, you can, you can fucking punch your own ticket kid, like whatever you want to do, whatever. And, and setting up the fucking sequel nearly 40 years later, he's like, I think I'd like to be

an instructor at Top Gun to which Strickland goes God help us and then it frees frames and there's a fucking sitcom theme like it's such a fucking like TV comedy oh here we go again well this movie has like literally

like The Hobbit or like Return of the Kings three endings because the dog tags into the ocean after the big celebration that's definitely an ending God help us is definitely an ending but a different kind of it. Exactly.

It's like dog tags into the ocean directed by Tony Scott. Truly a moment of like the character has moved on. He did what Viper told him to do. Yes. God help us. That's the funny one to go out.

We couldn't make a decision. So we went with the romantic one. Kenny McGillis and Tom Cruise in the shit hole restaurant saying they love each other. Righteous brothers. Phil Spencer's song goes on. Phil Spectre song goes on.

Romance, let's go. At some point, Killing-Megos gets a job with the government, but then she goes back to Top Gun as well. Well, because she's selling the house. Like, he pulls up on the motorcycle. There's a fucking four-sale sign there. She needs that maverick, dude. And plus, thank you for starting World War III. Also, we can't

now we can't go to the East Coast anywhere. That's just... Yeah, the coast is toast, it turns out. West Coast is pretty okay. They solved it until then. Jersey Shore essentially looks like the set of the toxic adventure. and he then now has the line to her like things can get complicated

he says in that fucking creep Tom yeah yeah which is like the like I'm about to fuck your brains out isn't that something like that weird thing that he does and she starts talking about like you don't do so well on your first outings or whatever like as far as like second chances go or something and she says

well how he says how am I looking so far or something like that and she goes like looking good so far oh yeah which I believe is the last line of the movie. You've, you've lost a song about falling out of love with someone. Lost that loving feeling for the fucking victory lap, dude. Yeah, mom, it's Wolfman. Yeah, they got together. Yeah, mom, it's Wolfman. We're at the cafeteria. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Maverick and teacher got it on. No, yeah, I don't think he meant anything

he wrote to me in those letters. I don't think he met a word. Yeah, we were grabbing beers and all of a sudden, him and that lady, I don't think they're coming back, mom. honey are you alone at the bar oh yeah i'm waiting for him to close his bill i'm not paying for those drinks why don't you say look a hello person next to me hello joe i'm wolfman nice to meet you people laugh when i say i'm wolfman well gregg is a terrible name that i gave you well whose fucking fault is that mom look we changed it to wolfman when you were 13 i saw that back they keep on asking me what's my last name mom i say my name's wolfman and they ask me what my last name's wolfman and they ask me what my last name is. And I don't have one anymore, Bob, because of what we've done. Dude, that would be truly great.

Name, Wolfman Johnson. The rad thing is after you get through the Victory Lab, you get cheap trick doing Mighty Wings, which is a fucking great song. On your mighty wings. Oh, hell yeah. They don't talk about that when we're talking about Top Gun.

We don't talk about this song being in the movie. It's a banger soundtrack, end-to-end. man. You might say this movie is pretty rocking. Yeah. And we got a cheap trick at the end at the top. You know, cheap trick? I was just the like you hide the quarter and on your hand. It's behind your finger and then whoops you got a quarter there. And that's a cheap trick. You can give to any, excuse me. What? Tried to use my quarter cheap trick move on the president of Poland.

Right, right behind your ear. Look at that. Oh, I dropped it. Oh, no. I dropped it. Oh man, there's nothing sadder than President Joe Biden fucking up a close-up magic trick. Oh, I dropped the quarter again. Damn, here comes it to David Blaine's Oh, shit. Dude, it would be awesome

if it's David Blaine. He's doing close-up magic there in like the White House kitchen. And then it's like he does whatever the trick. And then Biden just goes, get the fuck out of the White House. The classic Harrison board line, man, God, the fuck out of my house. The fuck out of my house.

and that's the top gun folks go around the horn huh Chris Cabin what final thoughts recommendations oh I absolutely recommend it I like how bald face it is about like so many movies are like this

but then like they try very hard well not very hard at all actually to be like no we're really about something other than like the just the military is good right yeah this movie's more than just getting signups it's just star power like it's actually there's no real story to speak of

because everybody just loves him even though he's an asshole like not much happens but like as a thing it kind of works for me yeah totally Steve say that yeah it's not a good movie but it's irresistible you know you'd put that capital I it's it's the it's the crew start

this is what he really kind of came into his own because he was like you know and he has some real fire here and it gets to your point he's not quite an actor yet he's not doing like Magnolia shit yet you know what I'm definitely not But, like, he's, you know, he's got the star power thing going for him.

And it's, and Tony Scott's at the top of his game. It works. It is a kind of disgusting piece of propaganda. But, you know, sometimes that could be fun. No, totally. So let's see, I was just looking at it up here. Oh, you know what? He went from fucking rotten rid to Tony back to back because 85 is legend.

That's right. Oh, wow. All the right moves and risky business being in the same year, as well as outsiders. is what you will forget. What are the technical advisors was like, yeah, Tom Cruise showed up on set before he had agreed.

He's like, he showed up on set like with the legend air which is like, and he's like, is this kid a hippie? You get that hippie out of my jet craft, boy. Is he going to have a ponytail or what?

What's going on here? Yeah, no, as the fucking Top Gun Virgin here, like, yeah, it was one of those things where it ended and I was like, that's it? Yeah. But it is irresistible.

It's just a weird like, because it's a school year movie. which I wasn't understanding. I didn't understand that Top Gun was a school. I don't know any of that. Sure. I just thought they were like doing missions or whatever, you know. So it is weird because as cool as that dogfight is or whatever at the end, like it's just, that's Top Gun 2, 1988.

Like that should have happened. You know what I mean? And it is kind of weird, but like Kilmer out of the park, Cruz out of the park, McGillis out of the park. Edwards, everybody, Meg Ryan out of the park. Toback at or Tolkien out of the park. Tolkien, oh, definitely, dude. James fucking. Falcon Man. Just a surprise, total

surprise. It's the most acting I've ever seen the man, too. But yeah, so recommends all around, gang. Of course, I'm sure I'm the last person on the planet to see this movie that you all at home have. You know, rewatch it. What the hay? The new one's coming out. You want to be prepped for it. But that's going to do it for this episode of We Hate Movies. Of course,

if you want more of us talking about stuff, head on over to patreon.com slash We Hate Movies. We've got a lot of shit on. Lord Cruz. We did collateral this month on the movie speed. That's right. That is out. So we got that going on. another Melrose gonna be coming out Melro 2-1-0

and we are still we are in the fucking Keith Gray saga hardcore hit in very hard now worry about it the Emily Valentine's saga on Melro Beverly's down at 2-0

is really heating up on Gleap Glossary we have a George RR Bings I think it's just one R for that guy he's not a fat guy from Jersey order in sandwiches so it's one R let me dream

and at some point before the end of this month two things will happen one you're gonna be way more excited about. One is we're doing Obipod Canobi or the podcast of Obi-Wan Canobi, whatever the hell we're calling it. We're calling it Obi-Pod Cano.

The arts already been made. Okay, good. Obie-Pod Canobi. Recap for the Obi-Wan Canobi show, we're really excited. And I'm more excited about, but nobody else is a singable commentary to a talking cat. Absolutely. And speaking to me, being the virgin of things, I was the only one who hadn't seen that. We did it. You can hear my mind melt right

on the fucking feed. That'll be coming out sometime before the end of this much. Maybe there's something to help you celebrate Memorial Day weekend, you know? If it's not out already, maybe you have a three-day weekend plan. Maybe you're going somewhere, rent a condo or something, barbecuing. Sure. Put on this fucking terrible, barely a movie movie we were talking over for 80-some-odd minutes. But if you're sticking here to the main feed, which you definitely should do because there is a brand new episode every fucking Tuesday.

Steve, what do we got going on? We are doing a virtual live episode. We've done a virtual live episode on. Mortal Kombat that will be available for all that. That's right. Mortal Kombat 2021. Correct. Not the Paul W.S. Anderson Classic. No Lambert.

Previous episode on that one too. Previous episode on that, yeah. And the fucking Mortal Kombat and I like, we talk Mortal Kombat quite a bit on the show. We do. We love it. So yeah, that's coming out. So all this and more folks. And as always, thanks for tuning in. Until next week when we're talking MK. 2021.

I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. That was a hit-gum.