We Hate Movies - S12 Ep616: The Expendables 2

Episode Date: June 14, 2022

On this week's episode, the Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza continues with the guys talking about the over-the-top sequel, The Expendables 2! How great is this cold open? Why did they insist on jamming all those 'cute' nostalgia lines into the script? And why do these kinds of movies treat Eastern Europe like some sort of eerie, faceless, Bermuda Triangle-type place? PLUS: A surprising edition of a popular show segment!  The Expendables 2 stars Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Liam Hemsworth, Nan Yu, Randy Couture, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, Scott Adkins, Charisma Carpenter, and Chuck Norris as 'Booker'; directed by Simon West. Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new MINGO!, WHAT IF Donna?, Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm  Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, getting your CGI plane and committed terrorist attack on Belarus with us because we're talking the expendables to. I'm Andrew Jupin. Eric Siska, too. Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. We are here talking Expendables, too, from 2012 directed by Simon West. You know him best as the guy who directed the Rick Astley, never going to give you up. Which was amazing. And then he did Conair. My lord, this man is after my own heart. Golden Wings. I mean, he started out so strong.

Rick Astley, Budweiser, Frog commercial. Yeah. Come on. And then Conner. Conner is your debut, baby. Come on. I mean, that's a fucking feature debut right there, folks. It's awesome.

And then, you know, things like General's daughter and Lara Croft Tomb Raider previous episode. Conair also previous episode. Oh, wow. That's right. circle back and pick up the general as daughters. We would have done that already except for it is so fucking boring.

Like the entire episode would just be us sleeping. Which is fine. It's also fine. A lot of people have reached out to me personally saying, you know, I go to sleep listening to the show. Can you guys be less loud and energetic? Look, great episode for them. The podcast industry has been waiting

for the equivalent of Andy Warhol's sleep forever. So let's just do it. You took the words out of my mouth, Chris. It's very warholing. idea you have here. Just us sleeping through a movie and releasing it. I've never seen it. I totally believe you. Oh, sleep?

No, fucking General's daughter. I also am very pro-sleep. I like sleep. You know what? I watched Andy Warhol's empire recently. Really? Yeah, because I mean, I did it exactly how he intended or how Dennis Hopper interpreted

his decision. You put it on, you get drunk, and eventually you go, whoa, it's night. Now little thing lit up. Oh yeah. It's exciting. When the, when the, when the, the building is lit up like that in that movie, it's a fucking like monumental moment. I think it's on full in YouTube. If anyone wants to check out Andy Warhol's empire or sleep. I mean, and also that is a pure hangover movie. It's a great movie to have in the background. You don't have to pay attention to. It's not big on plot. And you do you do back to back little double feach going on. You get empire and then

switch it white over to blow job. Oh yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And then you end and then after blow job, you do Andy Warhol's sleep. Then you finally get to sleep. There you go. That is 24 full hours of programming for you. I'm just going to hit a play right here. Coming soon to theaters. It's the VHS preview game.

America's number one. Whatever Steve says. Okay, Eric. It's a movie. It involves a big foot named Harry. Oh, I got it. Harry and the Henderson. That's 20 points right there. Boom, 20 points. 20 points. That's crazy. There we go. Wow. Yeah. Look at that. Not that. Boosted you right up.

That's right. Andrew. Yes. Okay. So this is a previous episode. It involves a cop named Cobra. Go. Oh, shit. Uh, cobra? That's 58 points. Look at that. 58 points. Oh, we mean, you know, you can do one. Okay. Do one more, but no, I should do one. I should ask you one. Here we go. James Masters clue Okay I won't do it as hard as Steve as okay it's about a guy's working as clerks at a store Okay, that's got to be clerks

Boom Fucking 10 points Thank you Thank you, you're so generous I need the guess in my tape, not you Thank you America That's been the VHS preview game Goodbye everybody

that's right that's what you get steve for taking a week off and this counts i want our official scorekeepers to mark this down sure so we are talking to the expendables too now previous episode the expendables i couldn't tell you a thing that happens in that movie or the episode other than steve austin fantastic death and lundgren crooked and then they save him at the end yes yes which is a kind of a bit of bullshit the first movie is bogged down with them trying to actually think about these people as real,

which is distracting and wrong. Well, yeah, and I remember their specific, the villain is like a South American general, like, dictator type. And like, I was able to believe the movie, but then they suggest that that guy was not put there about the CIA and I'm just like, you stop that right there. Chris Gavin's

not going to sanction that buffoonery. That's stupid. Get out of here with that nonsense. But this opens up decent-ish cold open. here, I have to say, some crazy fucking wild adventure where the expendables are coming in to some place. I think it's supposed to be Nepal. Yes, that's right. It was Nepal. Thank you. They're driving

somehow, folks, they got mad, like this whole Mad Max convoy. They're driving into this facility with. A mad Max convoy with the like most lame ass. I'm still in high school fucking like bad attitude. Yes, you're invading Nepal. Maybe it doesn't. It doesn't matter. Your attitude. No, his truck is bad attitude. Cool guy.

Yeah, totally. It's just a pussy wagon. I mean, it's so, like, the time spent on the vehicle customization. Yeah, yeah. For these things that you were just leaving in fiery wrecks after the raid. I will give them two. You know, you can have bad attitude coming soon, which is the, the, uh, that's a good. That's a good. Oh, then knock, knock, bark. Yeah, yeah. Just do two. You can't do three. You can't do three of these things. You can have a fucking truck with three

names on it. Bad attitude just makes, it underlines my belief that this is like guys this is an action movie for guys who genuinely, you know, take a minute and consider buying the Time Life Best of the 60s CD pack. They like

just like just, you know, they don't do it necessarily, but they consider it because some of the songs, yeah, I remember that one. I really like that one. When that Time Life commercial for comes on in place of your beloved Spike TV movie awards, RIPD. Yes. You have to, you have to buy it. I guess you do. CCR is just so hard to find otherwise. Well, it's funny that you're saying that about the time life thing because did you guys watch this with the subtitles on? I did because a lot

of people in these movies, you know, a lot of mumblers and stumblers there. But there's a lot of like whenever they're driving and like a song kicks in, it's just 60s music. It's either 60s music or in some cases where it's like who could possibly be playing this music it'll say blues music playing. So it's either 60s music or

blues music. I'm glad they got both kinds of music in this. They should have done the full indigata divita so if they're going to do shit like this, do a whole 12 minute fight sequence to Inagata DeVita. That would be awesome. That would be, you know, I was about to say that would be something

in this movie, but I will argue this movie's got some pretty cool set pieces but unfortunately it's kind of only set pieces. Yes. Yes. There's not really much to. And I feel like the first movie you try to get into the life of the expendables. You get Lee

Christmases. Jason Statham, him and his girlfriend problems. You get a lot more of the what these guys' lives are which you really don't need. In fact, it just makes it so much worse. I mean like Barney Ross is like I don't

need to know anything about Sylvester Stallone's character. It's Sylvester Stallone. Come on, everybody. The only person in the first one that makes that work is Mickey Rourke. And that's because he's barely in the movie otherwise. Well, that's why, like, I think it's fine. In every Expendals movie, like, you get one. Sure. And in this movie, it's Liam Hemsworth.

Like, he's the dead meat. He's the, like, I guess, spoiler alert, he gets fucking got this movie, but like, in a really awesome way. But, like, he's the one. Oh, I got this fucking nurse, you know, betroth. in France, like, this, that, and the other thing, like, this fucking World War I story. Totally. My dearest, I never thought I'd get out of

no man's land. To the point of which he's like, deliver this letter for me. Yeah, deliver that letter, real old school shit. Like, but that's like all you get. I don't want to hear this shit about Statham and fucking what's her face from Angel. Chris McArpenter. Yes, yes, thank you.

She's only in, thankfully, she's only in this for like two scenes, Max. Yeah. That really helps because other, you know what, in general, Jason Statham, romance, forget about it. How about that? Maybe just forget about it. That's just a hard pass. He doesn't know how to sell that part of himself.

Kick an ass and transporting people. He absolutely can sell that. I could see him one day do, well, maybe he's aging out of it now, but the thing is with action movies, Liam Neeson set the standard that you never have to stop. Yeah. But I could have seen him doing like a Gerard Butler bounty hunter type of rom-com. Sure. Oh, he's very funny. He can do funny. He's funny and spy. Spy is very funny. Absolutely. Yeah. I just, I, but this whole romance thing, whenever you get him near. Same thing with Neeson. Like, I, they show and the wife all the time. I'm like, I don't believe it. Like, I just don't. I know it's like, it's a frowned upon trope. But like, if Liam Neeson's in a movie, that wife better be dead. Yeah. Like what? Just like real life. Oh, man. Oh, man. I'm sorry, everyone. Steve's not here to say. I wish he was. I wish he was. Really? Yeah, I'm sorry.

What's a bit of bullshit about this movie? In this cold open, you get a lot of gently kicking ass, which is awesome. Very nice. And then he literally jumps out of the movie, never to be seen. Jump out of the movie. And then we get, well, I mean, I guess we'll get there, but there's a racist joke when he jumps out of the movie. Oh, well, yeah. I mean, there are, there's a lot of typical. toin in this movie. Oh, we get two, I think we get two hard R drops. Oh, do we? I thought there's at least one from Randy Couture. I thought that was me yelling at the movie. Really? Oh, I'm sorry. So, I mean, the mission here is they're trying to find a, it's like a billionaire, like a Chinese billionaire that is held hostage in Nepal. So, yeah, so I mean, we're definitely trying to get a Chinese

release on this movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, those fucking Nepalese sons of bitches. Don't get me started on Tibet. I mean, probably. Right. Yeah. Like why, I mean. I mean, why? It feels very strategic. I don't know. But you have Jet Lee going around. He is fighting dudes. It's pretty fucking badass. And then like, you know, eventually they get to the hostage. And oh, we pull this bag. And uh-oh, it's beloved expendable's character, trench played by Arnold Schwarzenegger under the bag. Oh, weird. Who was torturing him? Everybody's smaller than him. I mean, I don't get it. Small things can hurt, you know? I guess so. You step on attack. But I feel like he literally like stands up and breaks the ropes. Like he's a muscle man. Well, yeah, no, it's

totally crazy, right? Like, there is a dude we see in this movie literally like slapping Arnold in the face with a huge knife. Like before you know it's Arnold, he's like just fucking dick slapping this dude in the face with this huge knife. And then when you realize it's Arnold, it's like, well, why would anybody choose to do that against Arnold? Like, I'm sure somebody would be fucking pissed off. Don't you know who that is? He always wins. It's trench.

Everybody loves, everybody loves a nose trench. Everybody. It's trench. The fucking names in this movie, man. So stupid. Christmas, trench. Church is the Bruce Willis character. Take a second to say these are all just fake names, right? I think

the first movie might have done that. Well, because they do they mix it up. It would have been good if they did make the point like a code name trench or code name sure. But like Lee Christmas his stupid last name is actually Christmas. Yep. Yeah. Pretty dumb. And like Bar, I mean,

Barney Ross is like, I mean, he sounds like he owns a deli, but he's descended from like the first guy that did Christmas. Like, hey, what are you doing with that tree? You fucking weirdo? It's Christmas. That's just Christmas. We yeah, look at fucking, yeah, look at Christmas out here with his Christmas tree.

And then eventually, like the keeping up with the Joneses type of attitude, someone, you know, oh, I guess we'll have a little Christmas over here if you don't mind. Well, that's, I mean, that's why he's all, he's already got money because, of course, his great, great, great, great, great grandfather Horvatt Christmas. Yeah, yeah. Owns the patent on Christmas. Oh, yeah. Also benefited from elvish slavery. Of course, as they all do. Back then, I mean, it was just normal back then. It was normal back then. But I think it's wrong. It is bad. It's the only greedy. your copyright than the happy birthday song. Glad. Glad those two old ghouls finally aren't getting anymore. Oh,

they just haunted the Hallmark Corporation for like years being like, yeah, every card that says Christmas, we get a little taste. Those are probably like the most evil, vicious demons we have. Like, when you read about ancient Samaria and the Kandarian demons

and stuff, this is our equivalent. Absolutely. It's the modern version. So we like zip line to get away from everybody here. and it's cool like shooting on the zip line and whatnot. But then uh-oh, Statham and Stallone fall off and get surrounded by all these dudes

and man, like it's fine because it's what this movie is doing, but it's also just not good. Like Statham's whole line of like, you owe to room service. And I'm like, I get it. We're trying to do snappy, snappy shit.

Bruce Willis is in this movie. You fucking wish you could be as snappy as he is. The snappy fucking shit, not to back up too much, but when we discover Arnold, he's just like, I need the big gun yours. And he gets Terry Cruz's gun. Oh, yes. Terry Cruz says, if I don't get this back, your ass is terminating. There's a lot of that in this movie. And I recall when I saw this in theaters being like, I think this is a pretty fun, like, mindless action movie. But that fucking meta shit falls too much flat as fuck. You have to be reminded to not take this seriously. Right. Sylvester Stallone and his gaggle of gunboys. But you could do

junks. Junks? I mean, you can do jokes. Do junks if you want to. This movie's junk. I think that's why I jumped to that. Have a sense of Hamer. The thing is like you're quoting jokes from your more successful movies basically. Like I'll be back as a joke in the tournament. You know, all that that big exchange with Arna and Bruce Willis. I remember at the time yelling in the theater. I was just so like, you've got to be kidding me. If you're going to be jerking each other off like that, so much, do it for real. Give the audience what

they want, fellas. Make new jokes. Make new junks. New jerk-offs, too. How about making an iconic line from the expendables? You know what I mean? What are you talking? I know, I know it's not going to happen and didn't. But you're totally, I mean, think about that though. Like, where is that

today? Yeah. Yeah. In like action cinema. You don't really have it And it's kind of because we've just been propping up these fucking old dudes and not really nurturing like that next generation of actors. I know there's a lot of like younger dudes doing action that's very popular and whatever. But like it's not on a scale like these guys were in their prime. And I'm sorry, like quote me a fucking line from a Dwayne Johnson movie. Well, because they don't make money anymore. Like these used to be fucking like just plug them in, spend 12 mil, put one million of it to the star.

everything else costs 10 million tops. But you know what? It's also, it's like a lack of trying is what also is the problem. Give money. Scott Atkins is in this movie briefly. And I know he's now, a lot of people like that Scott Adkins, right? Ninja 2 is pretty cool. Avengment. Pretty

good. Avengment. He's an hard target too as well. I did not see. I can rep Ninja 2. I haven't seen much of his other work. But like, dude, just fucking put a bunch, a budget under this guy and try it. And, well, and also blood. It has to be a bloody movie.

Things have to go explode and, like, shoot things. This really gets there. That does get there. A little too much of the digital. Yes, a lot too much digital blood. There's a lot of digital blood. That does irk me. It just doesn't look right.

Like, it, I guess everybody got, was sewn to video games for so long that, like, they just got used to video game, like, gunfire and stuff like that. But, like, it still takes me out of it to this day. And this movie's trying to be, and this whole franchise is trying to be like as maximalist as it possibly can with all that shit. So I guess just budgetarily, you just have to go digital with things. But also, scale it back and make a fucking awesome action movie that you don't need 32,000 people to die. Which I think they do. I think 32,000 people die in this movie.

And I like it. But you know what? You can make 30 guys die really well. versus 32,000 dying shittily. I think IMDB's trivia count in something like 480 someone people died this movie. It's insane. Yeah, it's a huge

whatever. Like, Commando's got a huge body count but there's like other stuff going on in that movie that's memorable and whatever. Well, in this one, like, I guess they did do this in the 80s a lot, but in this one more than other, like death is kind of a punchline. Right. Like when they get the drop on

the sags, the sangs, the sangs, the sangs, the sangs. The sangs. Like, them should, like, hello. Yes. So there is about, the death of about 50 people is essentially just a punch line. The punch line is an actual punch. So the violence doesn't hit. It's just like, it's just, oh, they're all dead. Right. So just when you think they're cooked, uh-oh, all these dudes get murdered. And it's because Liam Hemsworth is up on a mountaintop sniping people. He's, uh, Billy the kid. Now, what is his career, really? We was in, uh... He's in them Hunger Games pictures.

He was in, uh, he was in Miley Cyrus for a certain period of time. Oh, wow. Do you believe so. Really? According to the reports that he was indeed. He was indeed the human wrecking ball there, dude. Right, right. I mean, he's probably got two balls though now, right?

What? Two? Do you think he's got, do you think Liam Hemsworth has one or two testicles is what I'm asked? I'm guessing two. well it's like a hemisworth though you're like a hyper power in australian that's maybe three that's true yeah like extra ballpower right and then the fourth one in the adams apple like when you get a double yoke in an egg it's really just a wonderful thing because it's you know watching this just reminded like reminding me about him like he kind of fell by the wayside well because

a little for like maybe a moment there there was a possibility that leoms helmsworth could be as big Chris Hemsworth. Sure. And that just went the fuck away. Well, you know what happened there? It's because it turned out them Hunger Games movies turned out to be terrible. And they took forever to come out. Was he the fella in Cabin in the Woods? Was he one of them? That's Chris Hemsworth.

Chris Hemsworth was doing all the good stuff. The one thing I thought I liked you from. No, when you think about non-Thorrs. shit and a Hemsworth being involved, like nine times out of ten, you're going to be like, oh, was Liam, Hemsworth in Black Hat? Nope, that's Chris Hemsworth. I'm not sure. I love Black Hat. Also, I like his brother that the guy he looks like a blockhead from Gumbie. Gumbie. He's in Westworld. Westworld. That like I honestly, I think. Yeah, that's the thing is I think he might even be better than Liam. I don't know if I like a Liam Hemsworth movie. No. You know, I get big Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker vibes when this guy taught. He's got a lot of fucking speechifying in parts of this movie. And I'm like, I don't know, man. I mean, I watch him and I'm just like, this is not a good sign.

I'm like, God, you should be a little bit more like Chris Hemsworth. You should be just a little bit more like that. This is like me going to throughout high school when they're like, why can't you be like your older brother? Oh, man. Why can't you be like your older brother? Was he a real swinging dick back then? Oh, he got good grades.

Oh, okay. Yeah. His future was so bright, he had to wear shades. And me, they were like, put your head on your desk. So whatever. We shoot out a huge bridge because this old ass plane, the expendables mobile that we have here has like a rocket launcher on it. Out of Santa's belly or whatever. So this is another Christmas element. They have Santa Claus painted on the front of the plane. Yeah. It's very funny. And he kills everybody. And Santa gives them their presents. And they blows them away. That's what death is their presence. Well, Santa Claus, you know, responsible for a lot of deaths. Man, we look at the casualties. committed the war on Christmas? Absolutely. That's true. The death toll

grows every year. Think of all those chimneys where he got stuck and his ass just all the smoke goes in the house. They die in their sleep. Totally. I mean, you don't know. The main media will not tell you about this. The mass media, they won't tell you about these things.

Santa Claus is fixating people all across the world with his fat ass. Yeah, that's right. We got a some documents here implicating the North Pole and these fart No, everybody calls him Santa Claus. Do you know, ladies a gentleman, do you know that his actual name is St. Nick? I've been faking all these years. St. Nicholas. Now, that doesn't sound like Santa Claus at all. No. Where is it come from? Closs. Cole? I mean, what, what's going on

there? We got reports coming in from the North Pole and a slave labor being used at Santa Claus Workshop. There's big expose happening. I think we've been clear for many years that we support. the elves of the world and we we expect that they should be treated fairly under the law. But folks think about it now who could finance Santa Claus? Who has enough money?

Enough stinking money to buy every kid a present I mean it's George Soros. It's Santys Soros is what it is. Santi Soros. You know who's back in Sandy Claus the Jews. The Yamaic, the North Pole is just a yarmaca on the planet.

It's very well documented, Folks. Very well documented. I know it's a supposed of Christian religion, but you got fleeced. They sneak it in. They sneak it in there on you. Catch him in bed with an expandable. Is that dude fucking bankrupted you under one? What does it take it so long for that guy to be ruined?

He will never be ruined. Yeah, publicly you'll never see him ruined. Can I privately be? Because I think society thinks we need him. You know, he's like the dark night at the end of the dark night. I mean, I don't know. I haven't actually seen him in a while. Like, I mean, none of these big things. Chris, Chris used to hang out with them every so often. Me and him, you know, catch a bowl of chili together.

When he was shooting waking life, me and him used to be very close. We talk all the time. That's the funny thing is you think about that guy. If you're old enough, like he was kind of an interesting figure in the 90s. In that movie, that scene in that movie is incredible. Oh, yeah. You can't look away. It's phenomenal.

Really just in phenomenal. And then you look fucking 20 years in the future. Like, the fuck. That guy? Less phenomenal is what's going on in Barney Ross. Oh yeah, dude. Well, we fucking get out of here. The plane gets up over the fucking wall

and whatnot. We're out. And so Jetli's job is to return this Chinese billionaire and he does so by like, you know, getting him all set. They're going to jump out the plane and parachute back into China or whatever. And Jetli's basically like, yeah, guys, don't think I'm going to be hanging around for the rest of the movie.

Might try to like do a new thing with my life. So, bye. I can star in movies back where I'm from. So, you know, maybe I'll just be doing that. I think the trivia said that, like, he was filming something else in Hong Kong, so they just filmed it there, his brief scenes.

But when he jumps out of the plane, someone has the line of some real Chinese taker right now. I think that's, isn't that Randy Coture? That sounds like a radicotter. It's something for the uncles, man. I will say,

a funny joke that gently gets off before that, though, is Dolf Lundgren goes up to him. He's like, oh, yeah, man. Like, what's going on? Who am I going to make fun of now that you're going to go? And gently just goes, you will find another minority. All right, man, cue. So we cut to the old point bar. This is where the expendables go to just cut loose when we get back to any town USA. Do we know where this is supposed to be? I think in the first movie. New Orleans. Yeah, it was. Oh, yes, you're right. knowledge. But wasn't that another case of like, that's just where Mickey Rourke was living and that's like where the movie got set up? Also, I mean, at the time, the tax incentives

in New Orleans was absolutely fantastic. I mean, escape plan is also shot, but a lot of it was shot in New Orleans. Now we're escaping from prisons in Quebec and we're going to bars in Quebec. We're going to build prisons, brother, and they're going to have to try to escape them. Oh, man. They should have tried, you know, like, you know, these guys are entrepreneurs, entrepreneurial. They did planet Hollywood. How about prison planet or planet prison or a planet Hollywood prison for movie fans that go to jail. I need you to explain that again. I think I got it. Wait, hang on. If I may, if I may, please, you can decide. Sure. You are convicted of murdering your wife.

That's right. Okay. But at the time of sentencing, you also professed to the court to indeed be a movie fanatic. That's right. Okay. So the judge takes that into account and then boom, you are transferred to Planet Hollywood Prison Planet where it's basically just like a prison, except the cells are decorated like a planet Hollywood. So you got a bunch of chotchkees in your cell with you. Look out your fucking little bars and see the glave from crawl, Chris. I'm going to tell you this right now. leaving money on the table. What you have to do is you have to monetize it so that you just pay extra to the judge. It's not on his will. He doesn't get to decide who goes there. You pay extra and you get to go to planet prison or prison Hollywood planet. I figured out a way to that yes for sure. But another way to monetize it, you put webcams in there. Oh yeah, everywhere. So that people can look at the beautiful movie memorabilia or planet Hollywood prison planet plus. I mean, we all know. We have we've all seen we live live in public.

that worked out so well it worked out so well before let's do it again. By the way, if you haven't seen We Live in Public, great documentary about a really weird thing that happened just downtown from here. And DeTiminer I think is the director. And it happened 35

years ago. Yes. But it's very cool. Incredible. Wild shit. Anyway, so we're at the bar. This is where we got a lot of charisma carpenter like being with Statham and Stallone's not having it. And Stallone, Stallone's throwing out a lot of like, yeah, man,

well, she's cheating on you, man. You can't trust her as far as you can throw a little English guy. Really got to underline that, like, they hate most women. Like, if they're not like fighting next to them or like a village, a village of only

women defending children, a village of only women in Belarus, what are we doing with that screenplay? Pretty ridiculous. And we mentioned commando earlier. I know it's not exactly a good trope like radon chong is like you know sort of a damsel in distress but she's the she's the the eyes and ears of the audience saying this is fucking crazy right i could kind of use a character like yes the lie i mean like i guess maggie is supposed to be that role but she's

but she's nothing she doesn't do anything she doesn't have any character tortures someone off screen that was fucked up you cannot show a character open a surgeon's medical case with all sorts of pokey, stabby, cutty things, and have this character be like, oh, I'll be able to take it from here. And then you literally don't see a second of what she's doing. Well, you know, like Hitchcock, you know, he would suggest the violence.

She wouldn't just, you know, show you everything. And, you know, cinema should not have moved on since Hitchcock. It should be just the same. We should just not change anything. You know, like the director stars of the movie. He directed the first movie. Yeah, that's right. But, you know, the thing is,

with uh oh farts i was going somewhere with something it doesn't matter folks on home we've been drinking yes also steve's not here to crack the whip steve's not here to crack the whip steve's not here to keep us in line steve's not here to tell me maybe don't have that fourth beer don't sniff that off the couch that's not good what we're trying to say steve is we miss you yeah get back safe deeply so leiam hemisworth is like hey sly i've been trying to talk to you through that whole prologue, can we please step outside and have a conversation? This is where he lays it out there. He's like, hey, man, thanks for the opportunity. But as my trial period, as an expendable is coming to an end.

I've seen and met all of you. I do not want to become this. I see how you guys go back to this old town bar after every mission. It is some of the most miserable sack of fucks I've ever seen. It would be great to have children that don't hate me, that like to talk to me. That would be fantastic if I could end up with that. This is where we get that weepy Hemsworth story about how he met a nurse in France and World War I was coming across no man's land. I stepped out of mine. Oh, it was Afghanistan, yeah.

And she apparently, suppose. And I, you know, I was, we were near a church. And then, you know, a bell went off and she said, for whom the bell told? And I thought that was just so, so romantic. Wow, that is the most beautiful story I've ever heard. Oh, yeah, you should definitely live forever. And so Stallone, like any good manager is like, yeah, man, it's totally fine. You put in your two weeks notice, this is all appropriate.

Like, even Hemsworth is like, well, I plan on finishing out the month. I was like, man, it's not as if you have like an actual schedule. Just look. Finishing out the month. Come on. Just leave. You've got to live. And Stallone's like, yeah, it's all totally fine, man.

Hey, why don't you go back inside and leave me out of here? alone. And so Hemsworth goes and to get a beer. And Stallone fucking Irish goodby is the whole thing. He peels out on this motorcycle. Goes back to the hangar where his shitty plane's hanging out and uh-oh. Who is in the plane waiting for him? Mr.

Church, Bruce Willis himself. I got to say, man, especially in light of like everything that's come out about Bruce's condition and stuff, he's bringing it in this movie. He's bringing it here. He lights up the screen, honestly. That's the thing is like I'm still not immune to some of this stuff seeing all these hunks together. I'll be like,

oh my God, I can't believe that hunks next to that hung. I mean, it is hilarious when they all stand together at the end of this movie. It is like putting all your action figures. It is. It's very close to the same feeling. It's definitely like these guys like playing

in the sandbox. And then Terminator comes and helps John McLean and Rambo and they fight at the airport. And I do. I like that That's the element of this movie I really like these. And this series I like the most. Like I was reading the trivia about this where like they like Jackie Chan turned down a role in this.

They were trying to get Travolta and Cage. Yeah. And I'm like, it's just all the 90s action figures. They're just getting them all together. And I'm like, yeah, if you could actually get them all in, that would be fantastic. We got to, we got to somehow enable Stallone to make another one. Try again. He is making another one.

Really? He is making another one. I read fourth expensive. I'm almost certain that this is actually happening right now. Wow. Really? Hopefully you know. I'm going to look this up. Well, that might be Jordan, man. He decides to go make a Creed 3 and

the Rockster ain't getting a call. Better set my my shitty brother Frank out on Instagram set them all straight. You see this Frank Sloan freaking out about that? No, no I did not. Freaking out about Creed 3. Really? Not having it. Why? Just because Sly's not in it? The Rockster's not in it.

Oh, God. This is a thing that my brother built, blah, blah, blah. And it's just, you can fucking feel. It's like, oh, hey, Frank, man. What's your Instagram password, man? Yeah, I just got to delete your account real quick. But you know, Liam Neeson could be in Expendables 4. We should address the geyser pleaser genre of action. The king with that. Well, they did that. They did it early because I think isn't Harrison Ford in the third one? He certainly is right. And Kelsey Grammer wearing a. a stupid hat. Sorry, I forgot.

Gieser, please, there's also this. Fucking, Chuck Norris is like 71 years old. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Man, and dude, a case against dying your beard right here, Chuck Norris and expendables to just let it go, man.

I let mine go before 40. A dyed beard is embarrassing. It's not going to look good, folks. I mean, he actually acts like an action figure. It's really phenomenal. It's like, and Chuck Norris as G.I. Joe. He has Lincoln Log

Code name Lincoln Log Hello Lego So Bruce Willis is like Hey so if you all in the audience Remember the last movie Sylvester Stallone still stole $5 million from me And now here's how the payback

Is it going to happen There's a plane that has gone down Is it in Belarus The rest of this movie takes place in Belarus Bulgaria I know they shot in Bulgaria I think some of the subtitles later on said people speaking in Bulgarian. I don't exactly know where this is.

I think like the way... Oh, actually, I'm sorry. I just found out of my notes. The first stop on this adventure is you guessed it, Albania. Oh, of course. See, that's the thing. It's like these movies, it's like a Bermude... The way America views Eastern Europe is it's a Bermuda Triangle.

It's like Bulgaria, Ukraine, Albania, that's like, what is going on in here? We don't want to know. just say it's all kind of the same and they all talk like Dracula's. The border between Bulgaria and Romania just does not exist. No, the poor part of Europe. Yes. Oh, exactly. Yeah. But yeah, so Bruce Willis is like, hey, so this plane went down. There's a safe that was on this plane.

There is very sensitive information in it. The expendables, your job, which you would definitely accept or else I will put you in jail for stealing $5 million. Not in jail. Getmo. Oh, Gitmo. Oh, I missed that. mentioned by name. We're still juicing it at that point. We don't see the problem in it anymore.

Wouldn't it be great just to throw some of these mercenary American fox and get mom? That'd be awesome. I mean, now and just like nobody's there and just like leave them. Yeah, that'd be great. Welcome to Taste of Your Own Medicine Camp. Just close the door and leave them.

They'll be fine. So, you know, Bruce Willis is like, you know, you don't know who, you don't have to know who hired me, man. Let's just call them the corporation. It's just this big figurehead or whatever. Sure. Okay.

So they have to go out and they have to do this fucking mission and everybody is on board immediately, including, uh-oh, Liam Hemsworth is on this flight. And, uh-oh, even bigger, uh-oh. Sylvester Stallone has been, how he feels sidled with a woman co-worker. Maggie Chan, he's like,

what is this a woman? Well, that usually when Maggie, yeah, it's a woman. Oh, no. Okay. I'm going to do this slowly. I'm a good teacher. This is a gun. You pull trigger, bullet go

out. Meanwhile, divorce DVD dad is like, yeah. Fuck yeah. You set that woman straight. She's like to ride your coattails. God damn it. Just like you, Elizabeth, do you hear that? They're talking about you, Elizabeth. You're all so shit.

Anyway. Yeah. God. I mean, it's just, I mean, I should also, I mean, I know it's been said before. It really does look like Sylvester Stallone's face has been painted on his face. This is, this is him not looking so great. This fucking, may I point out again, dyed black goatee is not having anybody. It's like painted on by a guy at the boardwalk. You literally might as well have had a fake one on. Like it looks like you bought this in a fucking joke story. It's a bad high school theater production. He looks fucking and no one was like, Sly, listen, dude.

You know, Silver Fox stuff. Look at Clooney, man. Like, just look. It's totally possible. No, I'm still young. You just get the Sharpie, man. Just give me that Sharpie. Yeah, I'll fucking drop with the marker up. Uncle Leo with the eyebrows. Dude, man, demeanor.

This was not done by a Sharpie. It was a ballpoint pen. is also we're around where we get the weepy speech by Liam Hemsworth about how he was in this huge three-hour battle in Afghanistan. And all these guys who are the expendables gathered around listening like, oh my God, because, you know, when I was in Army, it was the Gulf War I and the 80s and nothing fucking happened. Yeah. So they've been all awesome. They've all been so cool. But they're hearing someone with actual combat experience. And they're like, whoa. Wow. You're totally right, dude. And also, it's, I'm kind of surprised that he gets to a point in that monologue where he's basically like, uh, yeah. So I definitely started just thinking like, what are we doing here? What is the point of all this? This is ridiculous. What are we fighting for? And then I got back and my CEO shot the dog that I adopted. Like, it's very sort of like anti-U.S. presence in Afghanistan. Which is interesting. And I think the first movie also did.

did some like waterboarding is bad type of stuff. But, you know, secret, uh, secret wars are good, though. Well, yeah. Right. If you're doing it, if you're doing 90%, you know, this shit is good, you can get away with five percent. Maybe not so much. It always has to be from the viewpoint of like, this is rough on the man. Yeah, yeah. Sure. It's not like tarnishing everything the country stands for this and the other. Well, but they are, I mean, they, I mean, they imagine, I don't know if this is true or not, but they imagine for sure that most of their audience are veterans.

And like they're trying to give them like that's the time life thing. Like having Rod Stewart seeing every picture tell a story don't it while they blow some guy's head off. Like that is that that to them is giving them what they want. And it is to a degree I get it because even like the action setups like I think it's good that they have some creative ideas

like the zip line with the shooting. I guess it's kind of funny. But it is like a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a vigilante camp for, like, 50 and 60-year-old. Oh, yeah. Who, like, what's better than going zip-lining with their family? Ziplining with your buds while slaughtering people. I, I laugh during the zip-line sequence because Stallone gets shot twice and all he does is grown.

Yeah. Yeah. He sort of starts doing his, uh, zookeeper lion roars. Yeah. He's wearing a vest, folks. Don't worry. Bernie Ross is totally okay. He's not screaming from pain and like yelling for his ex-wife. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's you in the audience. No, that's true. Elizabeth! So, whatever, we take a nice, brisk 17-kilometer walk in the jungle. We find the plane that is crashed and we're looking for this safe here and it's in a part of the plane. where like Terry Cruz and Stallone have to like pull the doors open using all the ripped muscles and shit

it's so it's so funny like Terry Cruz bringing it huge muscles and it's like the other end is Stallone I think I think Statham eventually helps but it's like really? He does it's Stallone and Statham on one side and fucking Terry Cruz on the other side it would be funny if like it's Statham is down and like

he's out of the frame right he's out of frame right nobody knows that Christmas is helping right it should just be me and Terry Cruz equivalent muscles. I do love the detail when they get to the plane. There's some wolves like snacking on a corpse. It's a notch here.

And then like Stallone looks further. And they're like, oh, man, all these guys that got eaten, man, they got like hair in their hands. They died while these wolves were killing him, man. That's, well, that's awful, man. That's beautiful. I mean, I would love to be a wolf that's just like, you know, day and day out.

you don't, you don't think much, you don't think about the internet. Sure. You just fucking eat corpses and you go to bed. You know what? That's why I'm very pro this is because it's not every day that a wolf gets to eat a corpse. So when it does happen, I feel like you got to give it to him. Like I understand it's your husband or your wife or whatever, your children, but like, come on, give it to them.

That's the acclaimed corpse, fine. But all these John and Jane Does, what are we using them for? Drop them in the woods. Yeah, like, we've done fucking terrible things to the wolf operas. as is. They've earned it. They've earned a few child faces. Or how about like if you're like one of these hunter fellows that likes to shoot wolves out of helicopters? Yeah. You know, you just sign a form when you're dead. You're going to be fed to wolves and just accept that. And you know what? And then you deserve to have an alien

take your form and then take over the entire place where you live along with Kurt Russell and and David. I've been dying for an alien to take me over. It's just fucking run out into fields in the middle of the night waiting for it. Come on, do it already. What are you waiting for? Oh, man, it would be cool. It would be pretty cool, man. So whatever.

They fucking crack this safe. Maggie gets the thing out that she needs. And, you know, okay, here we go. We're going to go back to the plane and get out of here. I do want to point out Maggie, the actress who plays Maggie, did star only two or three years. Nanu. She only two or three years after this

starred in the Chinese equivalent of a geyser pleaser. A movie called Wolf Warrior, which made bananas money. Oh, really? It's just like nationalistic like army, like superhero soldier stuff. And that's the thing is like, of course, China has similar movies to us. Yeah, yeah, they have to. Like I

enjoyed Top Gun Maverick the other week. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. that is U.S. propaganda and a half, which is fine. No, yeah, you buy it. I enjoyed it. Yeah, yeah. It's, I would argue. I enjoy Chinese propaganda too. It's toned down from the first movie. Yeah. A little bit. But, well, because also, because the drone thing is taken, like, they talk about it at the very beginning. Right. So, like, you're like, well, yeah, we're not using planes anymore. This is, like, a fantasy. Like, this is, like, literally, like, a camp. It would be awesome if that, if Top Gun Maverick turned into, like, stealth and it was like Tom Cruise had to go up in a plane.

with his team fighting some fucking AI controlled plane it's like oh the drones are out of control yeah let's something oh bring stealth back bring stealth of the plane back and like a crossover it's been a while since I saw oblivion but I think he's like a drone repair man

yeah yeah yeah pretty good movie I know I like I liked it when it came out yeah M83 soundtrack the same director as Maverick I think right yeah because he's he's good yeah we're pro him I think on this trial legacy as well I like Tronle. Only the brave is good. I've seen it.

That's a firefighter picture. Firefighter picture. Oh, wait, wait. Let me guess. Do they fight a fire? They do indeed. Do they win? They do not. Oh, unexpected. All right, I'll check it out. I thought they beat the fire. Like, I think one or two of them beats the fire, but the rest of them lose. You don't know who it is. So they have the fucking computer thing or whatever, and they're running back.

uh to get billy the kid who's been sniping and you know get out of here and through the fog through the mist of it all i think it's kind of a fucking badass entrance man here comes jcvd as you guessed it bill lane oh stupid and his fucking his henchman nemesis yeah totally i'm afraid that no wait let me take that again that mcguffin is coming with me no i can't even do it jcvd Steve we need you I'm going to take that my guffin, and it's going to come with me. My coffin is coming with me. But he's, uh, meet my henchman, henchman. Oh, yeah, totally.

It's fucked up. He's explaining at one point because he's got this fucking goat tattoo and he's like, oh, this is insane. The goat is the mark of Satan. Like, all this shit. I'm like, oh, cool. He's going to be like some twisted ass dude. Nope.

That's the last that's mentioned. We need Satanism in this movie. Oh, sure. Oh, if you have him at the end of this putting a pentagram over the mind before he ends up. That's beautiful. He takes some of Liam Hemsworth's blood. So he shall never get to heaven.

That's right. It's good to be my slave in the afterlife. Drink of his blood forever, my dark lord. Right? Like if he starts collecting these people's blood, like listen, folks, we know people like Barney Ross in the game. They've got ear necklaces. They're taking your fingers.

They're playing dominoes with your fingers. terrible people. They're doing all their trophies of human bodies. What is so wrong with a few vials of blood that you use it in a dark ritual? Well, you know what? It wrote end of days ruined it because they're like, that shit's over. People aren't into demon and devil shit anymore. And it was Schwarzenegger. It should have done big, it should have been big numbers. Yeah, yeah, but you drop that movie on Thanksgiving. That's what happens. I remember it came out on Thanksgiving because I loaded up the family. We're going to end of days. Put the turkey down. Your aunt is probably. going to want to see Flubber instead. We saw end of days. The fucked up thing about that movie is I feel like it would have been more successful. And, you know, not to knock the guy, I think he's a great actor.

You got to have someone bigger than Gabriel Byrne playing the devil. Sure. You need to advertise that movie is Arnold V. huge actor playing the devil. You know what? I think they were overthinking the plus of usual suspects. They were like,

that gave him some juice and I'm like, not enough to go up against Arnold fucking Schwarzenegger. We need the devil back in movies. The world is in shambles. The world needs Satan. How is the devil not in movies anymore? Well, because, I mean, nobody wants to cast Kevin Spacey

anymore. That's right. It costs a lot in human flesh. Where are the last traces of the devil recently? There was that show that I think was called Lucifer. That was on for... People really like that. It was terrible.

And this is the problem. Because we'd made the devil like a C.W. Funny. He's a nice. He's kind of a cool guy now. I don't like that. Yeah. Not my thing.

You know, and that all started from the South Park movie. That's true. Making fun of the devil there. But it was a little bit more nuanced. You know, you got Saddam there. You know, there's some thought going into the whole thing. They make fun of the devil and they're laughing at the devil.

Us, we laugh with the devil. Sure. That's a fair point. We are in. service to you, my lord. Pro Satan podcast. Pro Mafia, pro Satan. That's right. Listen, I'm just saying, you don't

have to piss off the dark lord. No. You don't, you don't, you can just, you know, you don't have to do it. You could be nice to him. Yeah, you didn't have to say shit. You could have just kept walking. And I guarantee you could be cool with Jesus and Satan at the same time. I guarantee you some angels playing like, yeah, yeah, but I'm

going to go to the devil. The devil's got this fucking cool watch party for the basketball game. Need proof of it? Barney and his gang would have been so much better off if they just let Liam Hemsworth die as he does. She sure does. And did nothing. Like, they lose so much, they lose material possessions. They lose their sanity. I think one of them gets shot a couple times

or maybe dies. I forget. No one, no, no, no more deaths. No more deaths. Okay. Well, so, okay, they all get out of it. But like, you could have avoided so much fucking hassle. If you just let this fucking kid be sacrificed for the good of the Chinese computer thing. Thank you. That's all China wants. It's all Satan wants. Just sacrifice the youngest. And

you'll be fine. Speaking of the sacrifice, the youngest, man. This is a great kill. God damn. So this whole thing of like, give me their computer box. I'm going to kill him. And all that shit's happening. And finally they get the piece of

computer whatever. And man, JCVD has what's his face? Who's this other guy. Scott Atkins. Adkins hold the knife up to his chest for him while JCVD does a JCVD kick to this fuck man stabs him right through the heart incredible kill. Nice aim.

Absolutely incredible. Wonderful. And you get to see him do the kick. Yeah. And he's still able to do it pretty well. He does a few of these like spinning round has kicks in the movie and he looks amazing. Well that's I mean I would be. Stallone for all of his ego like you know he had to let this slip a little bit because when he's fighting J-CVD, no amount of

cutting in the world can make them look like their equivalent ability. Like, just give it up. It's two different kinds of fighters altogether. And that's why in the first movie, the villain was what, like, Eric Roberts, who I like, and in the 80s, could, you know, he was in best of the best, he could fight with the best

of them. Eric Roberts. That's the best. But in 2010, he's just a piece of tissue paper. Well, yeah, well, they did that. In the third one, they have Mel Gibson as the main villain. So at least they get back to a good mouthpiece being like the villain. Because it was Eric Roberts and one of the guys

from Dexter as the general. Oh, right. I think Stone Cold was also Yeah. Stone Cold I think is Eric Roberts number two or maybe is the general's number two. Some shit. He's got a fucking hilarious death in that first expendables. Whatever the case may be. I

find it funny that Liam Hemsworth's character is the only expendable that treats Sylvester Stallone with just even the tiniest bit of respect whatsoever. And it's like, well, obviously this kid's got to die. Oh, yeah. He doesn't know well enough to treat Stallone like total shit like the rest of these guys do. No, they even lived. He hasn't gone through a breakup with him because God damn, that's probably hell on earth. So he gets expended here. Oh, he's totally expended. It's fucking awesome. And Stallone, like,

JCVD escapes and everything. And Stallone was like, all right, Maggie. Like, what the fuck is on that computer? and it turns out it's a blueprint of a mine in, I believe, Belarus, or maybe... I think, I guess it's supposed to be somewhere in the former... The former SSR. The poor part. The poor part. Yeah, there is a plutonium mine. Yes, six tons of plutonium have been stored in a mine. And now JCVD knows the location of this shit.

Yada, yada, yada, stallone, you know, and the dudes have to go into action. but not before, man, this is like one final indignity for Liam Hemsworth. They bury him right here like fucking curly in city slickers. Yes, it's like a Captain Kirk burial where you just pile some rocks on top of them. Absolutely. What do you think that's doing? They're still going to be picked at by animals. The wolves are going to get at it for one.

But also, this dude is not even really cold yet. And you are reading to the group a letter that he writes to his feet. that he entrusted you to deliver to her? I'm just reading it and like laughing at it. It's fucked off. If you are reading this, I am dead. Glad that's not me. I'll continue. When he talked to you, Barney, he didn't

say, this is my eulogy that I've written for myself. For you to read, this is for like my wife to be. Yes. It's like, hey, by the way, could you take a picture of the place where I'm buried in case she wants to go visit or something. Like anything, buddy. Just reading this at the funeral. It's such deep personal shit.

Like, I don't know how he thought this was appropriate. Like open that shit, read in advance and be like, oh man, this is clearly for her eyes only. I guess it's supposed to be like heartbreaking in a way. Like we're supposed to be letting like a window into that life of what we're trying to pad the runtime. Yeah, that's the big one. There's where you're going. I mean, to me, it is more. like it would be like you know that terrible movie tag that like came out and nobody saw yeah

I was a nobody I didn't see no I saw it on television I want to we watch on HBO it's it does feel like something like like frat boy bullshit guys would do as like a one up like the final fucking indignity is I'm going to read your personal letter to your wife too this is at your fucking grave great point frat boys listening I know you're into butt chugging right now but try holding a knife up to your buddy's chest and kicking it in. That's a new frat, frat boy shenanigan that should happen. Anything that your

buddy has written about his, you know, betrothed or anything, just air it out wherever you like it. Yep. The more personal, the better. Read it in public. Of course. Yeah. Preferably if his corpse is right there next to you. Absolutely. Her family, his. Just go for it, buddy. So Stallone says

what the new mission is, track him, find him, kill him. Hell yeah. We are on our way. man and he's got this thing about like isn't it fucked up that like Billy the kid, nice guy loved living, had everything to live for, he dies, us

pieces of shit that wish we were dead every day, just continue living. It's weird how that goes down, right? Isn't that strange? He loved to live. And also, he really enjoyed living and oh boy, I really didn't know enough about him to do this eulogy. Oh, the living.

He would often talk about the living. He loved it He was planning on living With his girlfriend, fiance Yeah, no, he He liked food Both hot and cold He enjoyed drinks that were bubbly and flat

Breakfast, lunch, dinner You would hear this Oh, he loved to live He loved women Women and Jen, he just loved them Oh man, you know His favorite TV show man sometimes I'd be like, Billy the kid, what's your favorite TV show? And he'd just turn

back and be like, yo, Barney, man. I just love watching TV. He was a man that loved TV. He was always watched TV. He got, he loved it. He lived for people's court. Judge Judy, Judge Joe Brown, Judge Mathis. All the law and orders. She just loved them all so much. NCIS couldn't ask which one, because he just, they all lumped in together for one thing. for him, man. Sometimes Billy a kid would just go to movies and watch whatever was going on. And he would just see whatever and he wouldn't remember a second of it.

Even if it was good, he would just, boom, it's gone. It was a way to waste two hours. He was happy. He was like the dog of the team. He's just nice to be around and he was dumb. Therefore, emotional support more than anything else. Yeah, exactly.

So, whatever, man. It turns out Jean-Claude Van Damme has been in enslaving these villagers in this former Soviet town to like dig up rubble around this fucking base so he can get in there and nab that plutonium. Could you dig up nuclear

material? Yeah, yeah, we're not the Soviet Union anymore so you don't need any hazmatts. Come on, dude, with your hands. Oh, you're tired. Dude, yeah. We're just seeing these fucking people like, oh, you're tired. Old man shot the head. Honestly, he's got J.CVD as Villain, like, he really does have an operation going here.

Oh, yeah. I would work for him in a heartbeat. He's like, well, you'd be dead. It only really does well for Hector and him. Like the only two really. But, you know, I didn't love living. Sure. It's okay. I mean, you go through a very painful death at the end, too. That's good. Yeah, no, that's fine. You know, in cough up. But, but honestly, he's just like, yeah, if they all, if someone cannot work anymore, shoot them. bring in more. We'll just kill them at the end anyway. Who cares? It's really a fine operation. He's got running. Really nice. And so it turns out like, oh yes, we've discovered the plutonium.

We know where it is. He's like, oh, ha, ha. That is very good. You have precisely three days to dig it up. Because he's like already got buyers on this shit. And he says to Adkins, he's like, you know, if the world can turn with just such and such amount of plutonium, imagine what, you know, we can do with six tons of plutonium.

Yeah. I'm loving this little mini train they got in the... Oh, dude, do you have a little mine cart? Yeah, I love this thing. It's beautiful. It's funny as hell. It's like an Amelie touch in the middle of this fucking action. You're right.

It's just cutely stupid enough looking. Yeah, you're right. It's amazing. Then we get like a bar sequence where Sly and Stallone are trying to get, I guess, information. And they're going to beat it out of people. This is a weird thing. Yeah.

going to this bar. So this is definitely Bulgaria. They go into this bar and this huge giant approaches from behind. Of course, it's like, it's some funny business between Stallone and Statham. I'm like, oh, it's a pretty big motherfucker back there. Oh, yes, it is.

He's quite tall, isn't he? Oh, yeah, he definitely is, man. And they're going to keep it into the classics, which is brass knuckles. And by the way, they both look kind of stupid in these giant newsboy caps. They're both wearing, I understand one of you, maybe the British guy more so. Yeah. But both of you are just wearing

these. Dude, that fucking British guy came out the womb wearing that stupid hat. And Stallone is just agreeing to do it. Well, they probably both have money in a pub cap company. Oh, fuck. Totally right. Just to make all the fucking 45 year olds and 55 year olds feel masculine. Yeah, it's my new hat company, man. It's called Cappy Balboa. That's good. I like that. I want that. It's just stupid enough to work. If he started, I actually might buy it. If he fucking opened a haberdastery and that was the name of Cappy Belbo, definitely, dude, he's selling hats. I'm kind of curious for our international listeners. If anyone's listening in the UK, what do you think about Yanks putting that hat on? Is that your hat? What's going on with that? Yeah, whose hat is that? Because I know, I think, I think the rule of thumb is if you wear a baseball cap in Europe, there are people going to know you're a dirty yank.

Oh, yeah, probably. So, you got to put them away. Yeah. So I guess that's their equivalent is, do you wear that to the soccer matches, mate? Yeah, because it's more, it's more classy from first class at least. Yeah, I think that's probably true. And then you get closer and you're like, oh, fuck, it's just Jason's David. Oh, oh, they're all the people who are losing their hair are wearing these.

All of them. And it's classy because like people used to kick foxes to death with them on or whatever, right? That's like your national pass. We have baseball. here in America. They had fox kicking. Fox hunting where you wore those costumes. We had a good fox kicking

today. Oh, by the way, I don't want to disparage them. I would love to visit the UK one day. It's a great place. Yeah. I have a pleasure. Oh, look at this fucking snoot I'll split the difference. I only went to Heathrow Airport and it sucks.

Yeah, that was not a great place. I've been to let it. I love I've just, I was but, you know, Boris is Britain, maybe not the best. Oh, yeah, but like, he doesn't represent the people. Well, sure, yeah. I thought I got the full UK experience. So I might as well never go now because I went to Heathrow Airport,

catching a flight to Berlin, of course. And I had to take a bus to another terminal. And I was like, they're riding on the other side of the road. Cross it off. We've done it. Done it. Yeah. It was crazy. other side of the road my god

you didn't have a Sunday roast after that you can do it oh but this is the scene in this pub where Maggie comes in and she's like oh don't worry about beating these guys up Sylvester Stallone and Jason Statham I'll get this information

out of him and she unrolls this huge fucking surgical thing I need to see at least one fingernail pulled out look if you're not going to do the full Siriana it's not worth it then just close the door and have screams. Well, because the other thing was, you were talking about, like, it's supposed

to be like a joke or would have been presented as a joke elsewhere or whatever. Like, you can still get away with all that, but that's the one thing you need, right? You know, Stallone and Statham outside the pub, like, eh, you think she's getting anything out of them or what? Yeah. Yeah. You know, there it is. You need that. Even the Empire Strikes Back had that moment, where you heard Han Solo being tortured on Clouds. Oh, that's right. Well, okay, but you can't make any direct you can't make the direct point that a woman has helped the mission oh yeah that's to be more blended

in having that yeah it's more blended in you see so they find this like riotsville USA type like mock city block that the Soviets were using I gotta say fun idea kind of cool yeah kind of cool not bad you know so here's all these like

you know American sounding streets and cars and now cumbray And if you get, listen, when we invade the United States of America, the peak people, there might be poster of Pepsi Cola. Do not get distracted. Ignore the Sabaro sign. Ignore it. Yes, we know there is pretty woman on the cover of Pepsi Cola sign. Do not be distracted.

She's just devil trying to tempt you. Do not get hard on from McDonald's M. Very easy. And of course, here we have NYTaxie. Raise pizza. NYTaxi, NYPD, NYFD, we have all. Virgin record music shop. That will be in business forever, I think.

If Gennie did not want me to put Virgin Records music shop in the mark American town, but I tell Evgeny, look, if there's one American chain that's going to be around forever, it's virgin music, of course. For a second, I thought this was like, oh, this city. had a little America all the American. If honestly I would absolutely, if there was a little America in another, if there, like a European city or somewhere. Sure. Let's say London,

Manchester, anywhere in Europe, really, had a little America district. Oh yeah. Where it's just like, that's where you have, you know. Just put all your franchises and chains. It's where all the garbage product goes. Yes, yes. I would absolutely move to another, another, another. country and become an American immigrant and then I get my

free health insurance and then I can still have my fucking hot dog and my pizza pie. Well you know they got shit like dominoes and whatnot. I guess that's fair but if there was like a whole block just a whole dedicated dominoes like Nathan's or whatever the fuck. Yeah all

the big like the McDonald's of Burger Kings all the Wendy's in there. All the big boys and then like you get all like that like you get an H&M right you get an Abercrombie. But it's recognized formally by the city. So like they changed the name for the half a block. It's called like Washington Boulevard or some shit.

Tiny Jersey. Right. Yeah, exactly. Oh, tiny jersey, man. Yeah, it's just a bunch of dudes dressed like the sopranos. The problem is they already have a tiny jersey. It's this stupid fucking island. And now we have New Jersey, which is bigger and not better.

No. So they hunker down in this like abandoned. fake hotel or whatever for the evening. Next morning, Terry Cruz goes outside, do a little like recon comes back in. Oddly has time for the Houston. We have a problem joke right before they're

totally assaulted by gunfire. Yeah, yeah. Didn't we get the weird, is this the same the night before? Is that when to do the rigatoni thing with like, oh my God, provisions are so bad. Why didn't you fucking why in the middle of this mission,

which is essentially a suicide mission, right why did you not make yourself a two star rigatoni well i think the idea is like terry cruz planned to had he packed all this food for himself right and he's not you know he doesn't have enough to share in the morning right before they get shot at with the houston we have a problem joke he has the only cup of coffee there disgusting that's selfish honestly terry cruz you should have just forgotten that just bring the coffee for everyone be a pal yes yes but that's a thing dude it's the expendables. They're not friends. They all treat each other like garbage. And every once in a while after a mission, they will raise a Coors life. If that's as far as it goes. If you die, they're

going to rummage through your pockets and make fun of shit. That's totally. They all say that a JCVD killed Liam Hemsworth. But really, he was trying to unionize the expendables. Oh, shit. And Barney Ross found out. Oh, yeah. And then he had JCVD, who is a prospect for the expendables. That's right. Oh, fuck, babe. You're trying to organize. what, oh, I don't think so, man. This ain't Amazon. Dude, I love the idea. Dude, put that in expendables for it.

They're fucking on the battlefield, the middle of some shit. Somebody makes some off-handed comedy. Oh, man, what do you think this is Amazon? You see Chris Smalls around here? Oh, that means it doesn't take place in South America. Okay. I'm still on. Excellent.

So they're really, you know, under some heavy fire here, killing dudes left and right. And the joke is like, yeah, man, they got everything but a tank. Oh, what? And like a tank comes out. Everything looks like they are, you know, is this the last of our beloved expendables?

Just getting taken out. All these dudes getting ripped to shreds. You're like, what is going on? The tank gets missile. Yep. Yes. And here we go, dude. Walking through the smoke once again, fucking Chuck Norris himself. Chuck Norris, 70. years old playing booker right also known as lone wolf has a nod to his movie lone wolf

macquade good movie or not so much i don't remember well with it being a chuck norris movie it's really those are the what his are specifically bad it's tough to like a single one there's one that's sort of likable that i watched the pseudo horror movie one's okay the no the this one i watched is called fire walker uh and it's sort of him just like you know what one like this he's wandered around murdering people. Is that Louis Gossett Jr.? Yes, I believe so. We have to do it one day.

I think that is one of those Norris movies that could definitely be an episode. Oh, I like that. What's the one I'm thinking of? What he's like the killer? Code of silence? Yes, I think code, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Kind of supernatural shit in it. I have not watched a ton of his movies because a lot of them, like, mission in action sucks. Well, there's like four of those. I know. Maybe I need to reevaluate. Maybe it was a bad day. You absolutely do not have to do.

I will say the one, the cool thing about his, like, especially the Canon projects is like, that was back in the day where literally you could buy, like if a neighborhood was being demolished,

buy the neighborhood and you get to explode it on your film. Invasion USA. They bought a whole fucking neighborhood that was about to be demolished. And like, we're going to put on our movie and just explode these houses.

Wow. And that is just good fucking filmmaking. Just fucking watch the thing explode and not like, some model models are great and all, but like it really does give it that kick. Norris working against everything that's good about. What's crazy about Norris. I mean, Invasion USA, I felt like it was whatever. I need to reevaluate it. It didn't really grab me when I first watched it. Folks at home, Chuck Norris recommendations. Go for it. Anyways.

A previous episode, sidekicks might have been his best one. Yeah, don't, yeah, don't throw me dodgeball or anything. Like, don't, don't get me a cameo one. Absolutely not. Eric, I cut you off, though. What were you saying? Oh, well, I was saying, uh, I ruined it. Nah, what? I got it out. Someone figured it out. But he comes in. He makes a fucking Chuck Norris meme joke. The whole, like, they're talking and it's like, oh, you're, you're out dude, whatever man?

He's like, yes, I'm a lone wolf. And he's like, oh, Stallone is like, oh, that's interesting. Beat, beat, beat. You know, I remember this one thing, man, I heard about you got bit by. Cobra, man. And then he just, Norris just does the thing. After five days of agonizing pain, the cobra finally died. Just one of those Chuck Norris jokes that were

all over the internet during the George W. Bush administration. You know what it is? You know what it is exactly? Yeah. Is in X-Men the last stand when Vinnie Jones says, I'm the jugging-up bitch. It's the exact fucking thing. Do not let memes bleed into your movies like this. Also, what is his character? He's,

like listen I can buy Chuck Norris as a lone wolf but in his 40s right 70 year old man wandering Eastern Europe murdering people indiscriminately what is this for buddies for his friends what mission what yes

how did he find them what is going he was just in the neighborhood killing people fucking reeks of a shitty Clintieswood movie yeah I'm going around Bulgaria settling scores I'll take care of you for sure.

That's another person. Get Clint in Expendables for. Oh, yeah, please. That's like a four-star general. He's like a million years old. All he has to do is push a red button. I don't know what that red button does. You write the movie Sylvester Stallone. But in that movie, Clint Eastwood pushes a red button. Hey, I say go for the gold. Make him, make him president. Ooh, he's got to be president.

Yes. And it's kind of a commentary on Biden since he's also in 97. they have similar memories it seems I mean the funniest thing is you know like part of me wonders of Chuck Norris was like you know sly I wouldn't mind if you know maybe we don't talk about the meme where the fuck you think you're here man if it wasn't for the meme you wouldn't be on front of the camera

motherfucker you fuck off my set you live in me motherfucker you're here do one thing meme it up man I take your juice motherfucker your juice is for the movie you motherfucker. You're getting paid. So he's a veteran of the meme war. Oh, yeah, dude. God. Yeah, I'm going to leave you with

zero dignity and a full wallet, man. Don't worry about it. Don't leave me like this sly. It's bad out there fighting frowny cat or whatever the fuck. JCP could play. JCVD could be Peppy the Frog.

He should voice them for sure. Yeah. So Booker's like, hey, would love to join this full time, but I'm an old bastard and don't make movies anymore. So, I'll tell you that there's a village down the road. Everyone there fucking hates these people. And you know, if you've

got problems, really bad problems later, you can call me. You know, if you guys, something big happens, yeah, call me. I might be keeping an eye on you afar for the rest of the movie and how about the last 10 seconds. Maybe. I keep a secret family near here, you know, maybe I'll hang out with them.

So that's the only explanation I can find because he knows this secret town of women only. And then he's at the very end at the airport. Yes. Catching a flight out? Got to get back to San Diego. Sheryl's going to have my ass. Oh, definitely.

So yeah, they go into this town and all these women come out with fucking, you know, machine guns. And they hate the sangs, which I guess is the undergang to JCPD that he's hired. Yeah, his army. The sands are the people who are kidnapping all the men and boys from the village. Right.

go work in the mine. Sure. pressed into service. That's right. No, exactly. So, you know, we get the confirmation here. Atkins is like, we found the plutonium. And I looked up Atkins a little bit here. Like, he is an Englishman.

I don't know what this is. He's trying to like mimic J.CVD, I think. Oh, interesting. I know. His name is Hector, which is weird. So that's a whole other. Yeah, that puts my eye up a little bit. now it's been forever since I've seen

him headlining a movie Ninja 2 is my only major experience I think he's trying to do an American accent in that if I don't really recall but I mean he is like I think so I mean he does I think it doesn't mix of him because also I didn't even bring this up

the movie I was talking about Wolf Warrior the Chinese Geyser plays a movie yeah he's also in those Adkins is in those Atkins is one of the villains in either the first or second one you know what fuck do america's done making action movies i'll fucking go i'll go there personally and make a movie for yeah i'd be that's what's gonna start out i'd be like they it's it's melting down it's all melting

down baby yeah it's funny i think i was looking at the uh the top box office for 2022 so far obviously dr strange and stuff but a chinese military movie way up there oh that also top god maverick which is like those are two peas in a pod yeah you totally wait what is this chinese Battle at Lake, I'm gonna I'm gonna butcher. It's like an epic. There's a two part. It was, this is the second part. Soie Hark co-directed it. Like they have three or four directors

on this fucking thing. I heard decent stuff actually. The first one sucks. And it's very like as long as Marvel movies. Like three and three and a half. The second one's better. Has better set pieces. The first one is such shit. And these are what are you

saying? These are Chinese military propaganda movies? Oh, yeah, yeah. And they're huge, huge box office success. Oh, sure. Because they're Chinese. We say, they're military propaganda movies. They're war movies. Well, that's... Over here would be a war movie. Right, right, right, right. In this case, same thing. Propaganda, war propaganda movies means that you're watching, like, both the Chinese Army and Koreans just fucking gun down hundreds of American soldiers. Just fucking, fucking, that is just all over the fucking place. Wow. It's quite amazing.

Megan Don Draper's across the country. happen. Hey, look, man, it's a hook. It's, I'm telling you, trend watching American soldiers get fucking lit up like nonstop. RRR, the British soldiers getting fucking like that. That's true. I think this is a trend. And the, the battle at Lake, I think it's Chun Jen or something like that, those did very, when they came here, they did pretty well. Interesting. Yeah, RRR, man, you are just watching fucking imperialist dudes get knocked the fuck around. excellent movie. See, I can tell in the world

order, a sea change is happening. I'm trying to play both sides. Yeah, so I mean, please speak well of us to your governments out east. Don't get us banned. Gee, if you need somebody, gee, if you need somebody to head up

the podcasting command center for China for the party, I'd be happy to help. No, what the hell? honestly real deal email us we all hate movies at gmail dot com if you're listening in china because i'm curious if we've been uh you know are we banned there you might be banned there that's probably true probably you know i'll say this probably not fans of the toilet talk yeah probably not as a kid when i was like 16 17 i traveled all across china with my brother fucking awesome country so you guys are doing top notch work over there indeed um so now we sort of

of the big final battle basically and it starts with Statham pretending to be a priest in this church and boy oh boy does he definitely say I now pronounce you man and knife man he you forget from that first movie

he's like knives expert he's fucking throwing shit out like gambit all of a sudden I mean the fucking stupid names they said at one I think it I forget of is Randy Couture, who is Hale Caesar? That's Terry Cruz. And Toll Road. Toll Road is Randy Couture.

Yeah. Toll Road. Why? You might as well have made his nickname, forget my name. That is my co-name. Forget me. Yep. Call him troll.

Yeah, better. A troll would be something. Right? Because he's got those fucked up ears. He's wearing a dumb hat like trolls are known to do maybe. Oh, yeah. Sure. he looks like an idiot this whole movie man

he does he looks terrible in all these movies I don't even know why he's here what was he a rassler I think he's the UFC guy okay but my god you're making the expendables obviously hits you over the head with being a riff on 80s and 90s action movies where's Dutnikov

where's any of these fucking guys in small roles who gives you they're not doing anything else what about Don the Dragon Wilson you, he's available. He absolutely. Thomas Ian Griffin. Absolutely. Oh, yep. There's, there's tons you could pull from. Well, they didn't want to go up against the charm bomb that is that man walks in the fucking place. seduce me with his eyes. Just too much. Who can fucking deal with that stuff? Terry

Silver, man, you know, I still didn't watch that latest Cobra Kai season. I should get on it because he's in it. Oh, he is? Oh, is that right? Terry Silver returns. Yeah. I haven't seen a fucking second of that show. It's fine. It's sort of like the news saved by the bell where there's it's kind of a riff on itself right yeah yeah yeah which is fine I find that news saved by the bell to be quite successful and entertaining so maybe I'll like

cover kind of never gone it they eulogize screech in that second season he passes away gone too soon totally it's very weird that they bothered to address it at all he has now that fellow's got a sex tape out there right he's got a sex tape out there yeah did you see that Chris

I have not I thought you see everything I don't see that I don't see that. I'm just curious. Oh, that? I don't see that. Gentle listener, comment below. If you've seen the dusty dime.

Yeah. I can't imagine it's good. I saw the, you know, the Hulk Hogan one, which is good. I ate too much pork. That's probably the only thing I remember.

I think I remember him, the humping a little. Well, yeah, the Ray J and Kim K. That's all I remember is the humping. Hulk Hogan. You could have thrown him in here. Oh.

people from Rocky. Oh, yeah. Actually, you're absolutely correct with him. Where the fuck is Mr. T? Yeah, please. Fuck. Even if he's old. I don't care. A guy in a van gives you a gun. Yeah, the expendables need like a council of owls. It should have that type of guy. That should be, you could get Dudokoff there.

Have him be like the main fucking servant for them. Gary Busey. Yes. That's the most surprising one. Right. Because that, I feel the biggest expendables joke is like, all right, expendables. like someone on the phone wants to talk to you, uh, yeah, hello, yeah, this is the

expendables. Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, yeah, to be the president of the United States. He's supposed to say you did a great job, saving the country. He was in, uh, what was he in Iraq Valley of the Wolves, which I did not see. Gary Bees. What is that?

What is Iraq Valley of the wolves? It's him and Billy Zane. Billy, he, oh, yes. It's an anti-U.S. uh, uh, war. movie. Oh, really? From, I forget where. But I believe Gary Buse is like, yeah, I'm harvesting all these organs out of the dead Iraqis because I'm an evil American doctor. And Billy Zane's like, good job. You're doing what? He's playing a bread or what? I think they're all, I think they're

playing villainous Americans. Wow. Maybe, maybe a mistake in the movie came out a while ago, but I need to check that up forever war started. A lot of movies. A lot of movies. have come out between now and then. Yeah. Yeah. Which is, the thing about that. Forever war is going on. Who cares about a bunch of plutonium? Who cares about all these countries getting nuclear arms? I don't.

You see, that's Eric is saying, if you want to pick up plutoniums with your bare hands, go ahead and do it. Yeah. It doesn't matter anymore. Nope. Yeah. So when you get hot hands, so what? Hot hands. I suppose you can find plutonium

and then he caught a star in 2022. I mean, so, yeah, the big fights, I mean, I, to me, this whole thing blends together until we get the JCDD versus Stallone. It kind of all just blends together here. You get what a couple of decent things, like there's a dude, like, that pops out with a gun. Yeah. After they've killed everybody. And Stallone's like, there's one more. And they all shoot the shit out of this dude.

And Stallone has the line, rest in pieces. Yes. That guy, at least that guy, you should have. wasted the squibs on. Like, go full squib. I think he does squib out. Does he not? That looked digital to me.

Oh, shit. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. The lighting was not. Surprise, surprise. The Simon West movie. The lighting was not fantastic. We do get something pretty digital coming up when they decide to,

oh, we got no other recourse, but did 9-11 this plane right into the mine. Oh, dude. What are we doing here? How are you thinking you're surviving this? Look, they get to do it. So we get to do it. Okay, it's not a bad idea. It's tit for tat. Look, you learn.

You learn from other artists. Oh, God. It's kind of because there's like, the dudes have a bunch of like huge anti-aircraft guns or whatever and it's like, well, we'll never get around that unless we just fucking jamming in and get it done. And they literally crash. Like, he slide, like positions it perfectly

so that the wings rip off and they slide right into this cave. And you know this is hard. I mean, this is Sly's favorite war plan. yeah and he's just crashing it for the good of people i mean you really got to give it up for him i do and he crashed into this fucking plutonium mine we're like they've already extracted all the plutonium and everybody gets fucking stuck inside there anyway my note says it's insanely stupid i didn't think this out too good christmas why didn't you help me it's probably because you were thinking of that woman i know that guys we are locked in this can

and I know exactly why, man. It's because Christmas keeps calling that woman. This, they are locked in this kid. They're immediately just, they're just immediately captured at this cave. Yeah. And then what do you know it? A Mars drilling rover from the motion picture total recall comes through the wall. And what do you know it?

Who's driving it? But Arnold Schwarzenegger. I'm back. I was so, I was actually. thinking this was going to be Bruce Willis because that's a diehard 3. Yes, it is. Yes, you're totally right. I thought the same exact thing. I was like, this is Bruce. But nope,

it's trench. And he's fucking back in. And this, again, it's like, just let him come in. Let him have the stogie while he's doing it. Just leave the Arnold movie star references out of it. Yeah. No,

because you have to remember what they did before. See, no, the thing is just having them all together is enough. That's right. We don't need to quickly reference all these other movies that I'd rather be watched. And what is the thought process? I mean, all these people are icons and the people who are going to see this movie almost certainly know who they are. What are you, do you think you're going to capture some like newbie nine-year-old by saying, you know, Terminator?

Check out Terminator. They're acting like I see Arnold Schwarzenegger show up in this, this movie. and then he has to say like a reference to Total Recall for me to realize who the fuck he is. Right. I mean, we all know. And that's, but to your point, Chris,

about like the nine-year-olds thing, like if they haven't seen those movies, they're going to need a pop-up video bubble to fucking explain the reference. Like, it's not even going to matter. Yeah, yeah. It's for the people who already know the other properties. And like, I'm sure a ton of people

were woo-hooing and knee-slapping and elbowing and whatever. But, like, for a lot of us watching these movies, it's like, I fucking know the other movies. The other movies are why, precisely why, as a matter of fact, I fucking paid a ticket to this movie. But isn't it nice to be reminded that you watched a movie once? Isn't it nice to be reminded that you did that? It's very nice, I think. Yeah, you're right.

I'm not thinking about the generosity that way. These movies activating memories like that in my fucking hell. It's beautiful thing. So whatever. There's this huge airport shootout. A lot of craziness here. We have, this is the big shot of like J.CVD and the whole gang like a mass in front of these frosted glass window panes. And it's like, who could be on the other side of that? And it's do, do, do, do, do. And here is Arnold and Sly and Bruce Willis all with machine guns. All shoot the fucking shit out of these people. It's quite a lot. I honestly, it might be better than the Spider-Man airport scene. in the, in Civil War? Yeah, yeah. It might just, it's up there. No, it's absolutely better. Especially when you add that mini cooper.

Like, what the fuck? Dude, is this supposed to be a nod to the Italian job? That's literally all I could fucking muster. It's just funny that it's two big guys with big guns. I guess exactly. It's just being like, I think it's a comp, you know, really, Chris and my thesis, I'm going to put down that it's a comedy, comedy, it's a commentary on modern masculinity. Oh, like

they're with this big old tough beefcakes, which we all look up to and admire and they're kind of this the more, you know, they're, they're dying off. Yes. And now the new masculinity is like, well, we'll drive a smart car. So we've got this whole world out there saying, drive a smart car.

But we're, we, we admire big tough guys and we don't want to. It would be fine to hear, I'll say, well, this is the only car I could afford. This is the largest auto. I could afford. Is there something humorous about my appearance? Wave to the people.

Yeah, I'd get like Polly Shore to be in Nelson Munch just laughing at him in the middle of it. Yeah, Polly, blow them kisses. Honestly, now this is going to sound nuts, but someone like Polly Shore. Get him as your tech guy. They would juice up this movie. I need comedy relief. Faces. Faces and voices that I remember.

Oh, dude, Rob Schneider. I know it sounds crazy, but he worked he was on he was in dread he was also in jcvd's knockoff as the comic relief i absolutely agree but i'm going shore over schneider if i would always go shore over schneider but i'm i want that clear for the record i'm trying to hack the safe buddy

you know it would be it listen it would be annoying but people would still be talking about this movie yeah in a way that no one really does because it's expendables too and who could care i know you know what I was watching this movie with my wife and I said, oh, I can't believe this movie's

10 years old. And she's like, I can. I remember exactly. Yeah. It's been 10 hard years. I love the moment where, because of course, Norris comes back in to help out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love, he pushes a dude like off a balcony and then just fires at him as the body falls down. Nice move.

And honestly, just seeing, you know, Willis, Stallone, and Schwarzenegger together, It's like a dumb heat, you know? It is dumb heat. Absolutely. It's fun as fuck. And then like you're in it. All this great action is happening. And everything stops dead because Arnold runs out of ammo and goes, I've run out of ammo. I'll be back.

To which Bruce Willis replies, you've been back enough. I'll be back. To which an exasperated Arnold just proclaims, ha, yippee-keye. You don't need to do this. Really don't. You, because it's like the monkey's paw. It's like, I wish I could see Bruce Willis, Stallone, and Schwarzenegger in the same movie.

Yeah. But all they do is talk about their other fucking movies. Do the movie. Well, I mean, this movie. Well, if you are imagining the boomer like fucking generation who loves this movie, the thing is, is like talking about old shit you did is what they love to do. That's true. All the old good stuff they used to do is your main topic.

Which eventually, we will also become Chris. Exactly. So I want to tell people to chat. check on our evil speak episode. And what other movies do? Mr. Destiny. What were our early episodes? Gone fishing.

Gone fishing. What's that Boy Scout movie with RIP? The wrong guys. The wrong guys. The wrong guys. Louis Anderson. Tim Thomerson. Billisers?

I believe a Belzer. I think we have a bellzer. Whichever. Check out. Or is it Richard Lewis actually. Or is it both? You know, to get to the bottom of it, you'll have to listen to the our old episodes.

And now what a, What other old things can we talk about? Because we're older men now. We just reminisce about our lives and say our old catchphrases. What is this my search history? This is the problem is that you're getting too early. You can't do it yet. You have to wait.

That's true. Thank you for saying I'm young. Everyone listening disagrees with them. Oh, well, they're wrong. People just message me and say, you're old. You're a spry 64. Thank you. I am actually going to be 65 this coming year.

That's great. Damn sexy Flanders, man. Also, so, like, Arnold is firing a gun at one point. It's right after Bruce Willis goes away, and Arnold says, Yippie Kaye. And then Chuck Norris is out, like, firing a gun. And then there's just this gag of, oh, who's next, Rambo? And it's like, that's where it has to stop. Because now you're naming a character directly that another actor in the movie has played. Right. So does, so what does Rambo look like in the expendables?

universe. Is it a Charlie Sheen? He was supposed to be in it. Hot Shots dude. He was supposed to be in this movie. That's right. It might have been him. And actually kind of a cool character. Like FBI guy or something chasing Bruce Willis. Right. Not too shabby. I'd watch it. Yeah. I would watch it, man. They would definitely call him that or call him code name Tiger Blood or some bullshit. God damn it.

Yeah. So we are driving around on the small car. Willis has a cool line because Arnold's like Kvetching the whole time like I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing here and he's like he does that great Bruce Willis yellow

like I don't know shoot something just really good it's like the most excitable he gets in the movie yeah I dug it man Willis is kind of maybe the best out of all them in this

he might be he's the most plugged into what's going on he has well yeah he's got about as much time as Jet Lee so it's a Jet Lee yeah you're right

you're right so the fight sort of continues. We get Statham v. Adkins on the runway. Not bad. Not too shabby. Atkins getting pushed into the fucking helicopter propeller. And before that, a good fight, too. I love that they suggest that Scott Atkins is so hardheaded that he breaks the propeller. Like, it's not he just goes through it like a fucking slicer. Totally. Was that like setting one of a blow dryer? Like, how did that not just keep going? Scott Atkins was known as metal head because he had a metal skull. So then we get the big moment, the big P.S.

du resistance, it's fucking, and it's amazing. We get to it. Thunder is striking outside right now. Lightning is coming down. That's right. It's a dark and stormy night here in Manhattan. The big fight between Sylvester Stallone and Jean-Claude Van Dam, two people with very different sets of fighting abilities.

Yes. The JCVD is like, you go to kill me like a man or like a dog or whatever. Oh, right, because JCVD. runs out of ammo here so he decides, oh, we'll go hand to hands. I'm even going to throw my knife on the ground. It's, I mean, this is like, I'm glad.

This is kind of what I was hoping for the whole movie. Like, yep, the two big fucking names going at it. Yep. And it's pretty, you know, we don't know how to fight choreograph in this country. So, you know, it's not going to always look good. It is particularly sluggish during this fight. I wish I had seen a little bit more movement but hey I know who I'm dealing with

We do get like Stallone Because JCVD's got a knife And Stallone's got this fucking huge chain And he's like choking him out with it And he basically does like Because he gets a hold of JCVD's huge knife He basically does a scorpion get over here Like he whips the chain around his neck

He pulls him close to him And as he comes in Slice stabs him with this fucking huge knife man It's not bad We do get a few jump kicks from a JCVD around here too. You do? Yep. He does he does get Stallone

he gives it to Stallone just as much as Stallone gives it to him I guess. He still got it. And then he does, you know, because JCVD is like, oh yes, your little pool boy, what was his name? Oh, it does not matter. And then when he fucking kills him, he's like, his name was

Billy, man. And then he instantly spits on the corpse. Yes. Look, he's been saving that one up. He doesn't got too much spit anymore. I'm surprised that we didn't have this knife go up a little higher because you see Stallone like the initial stab and then he turns it

and kind of like pushes up a little bit and I was like, oh, keep it going, dude. A full slit. See how high we can go. Get up to the throat maybe. Maybe just sort of like splits in half. Oh, I would love that. A little bit get up here through this. You kind of want a little more graphic

violence for the major death. Oh yeah. Well, and for this kind of a movie. Like, that is, to me, the one thing that is missing from these movies is, like, the violence aspect. Like, you can't make these things like so, like, VOD fucking send it off kind of shit.

You know what? It costs money. We got to coordinate stuff. So instead, I'll just carry J.C.V.D.'s head in a sack. And that'll give us our visceral violence. I guess so. Was it the head or the heart? I think it's a head. Oh, okay. Because I thought, wasn't there

some line in the movie somewhere about ripping somebody's heart out. Hmm. I don't remember. Which, you know what? It might be each movie. Like, the first one's the heart. This one's the head. The next one's the kidneys. I was about to say it looks a little too big to be a heart, but I do imagine J.C. VD

has a heart about the size of a huge heart. Have you ever seen him on Instagram with his little doggies? God damn, this guy's got the biggest heart in the world. He's a gentle soul. He's a beautiful man. I love you, J.C.V.D. Thank you for listening. It is kind of hilarious how

Stallone and or Schwarzenegger and Willis are like looking at this bag of whatever this fucking bleeding bag just like wow that's like Arnold is like yeah I believe that is overkill and Willis is like yeah it's kind of

fucked up but it's also pretty great or something that's not bad honestly can I take that can I mount that you think Bruce Willis as a thank you he's like your debt is cleared Stallone also I got you a new plain that you can fucking, you know, take back with your little buddies back with you or

whatever. And Stallone goes, uh, that thing belongs in the museum to which Arnold responds. We all do. Bruce Willis looks like he's having a legitimate IRL laugh about that line. Again, I just feel like he was having fun making this movie. It's kind of just nice to watch him do it. We also do a goodbye to Chuck Norris real quick where he says he's leaving because you killed all my business. Oh, right. Yep. So, uh, And then there was also like, oh, I thought you were a lone wolf, but you showed up here today. Oh, well, he's got a bad line right there. Sometimes it's fun to run with the pack.

And he just delivers it like fucking cardboard birthing more cardboard. It's fucking horrible. And then Bruce Willis gives a Soviet-era aircraft. Oh, is that what it was that he gives him? Yeah, there's a little hammer and sickle on it. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. And so that's, you know, that's the end of the movie.

We're flying away. we're doing a big toast to Billy the kid here. Stallone drinking and flying that plane thanks but no thanks. That was great too. I was just like, well, whatever, fucking at this

point. But then we get fucking we do not need to go to Paris, France. We do not need to see the French nurse because we have to bookend this with some kind of heart, which honestly, I do rather have them deal with a scapegoat character to give the heart moment versus

trying to explore that with the gang of expendables because these are demons. It just doesn't make any fucking, like, if you're going to do this scene, it makes much more sense that you are delivering the body to her in America. Like, having just this lone woman we've never seen

before, hang out on the bench at the end of your movie. I'm like, what, what are you, what, you think this thing is about heart? Are you crazy? You might as well have been toasting the actual Billy the kid. At that point. You might have been old enough to actually see him do his best work. Who knows?

They're toast to him. Oh, yeah. Maggie kind of did nothing in this movie besides find the McGuffin and then torture people off screen. And then she's going back with Bruce Willis because I guess he like has tails on her. Is she worked for him? Yeah, she's supposed to be like a CIA asset or something like that. Yeah, she's like in she was his hire or whatever. Um, yeah. And it's just toasting and out. That's the end of the fucking movie. we'll go around the horn here folks Chris we'll start with you final thoughts and recommendations for expendables too I can't really I can't do it I'm sorry to say it's gonna be a no for me it's it's one of the thing like as I guess for like a Sunday hangover movie it might have passed

the test because it just it we've talked about this all the time it's one of those movies where you you watch it and it immediately goes away all of it like every it just starts evaporating like the back to the future picture. Right. And you just, it's quick on a quicker time scale. And like, I felt like I was like, I was watching this movie and then immediately it's over. And then I was like, oh, my kitchen's a little dirty. Maybe I just

do some washing. Yeah. As far as like an experience, it's fine. But like any kind of movie you would enjoy. No. No. Thank you. I am going to recommend it because I think it improves upon the original. It's my, I've got it by the way. Sure. Just because it's like, it pairs down the bullshit of

learning about these guys. I don't give a fuck what Lee Christmas is doing in his personal life. I like that we center around the mission of the violence. It's not good, but it's not a bad way to kill two hours if you want to kill two hours.

Right. I will say I'll recommend it. I think it is the best of the expendables movies. It doesn't go as hard as it should. There should be more just like these are all faceless. people doing missions and shit. The problem is when you have like a team

I think eventually it's like well there's so many of these fellas we want to know something about them you know or whatever which is a bummer but I think JCVD as the villain goes totally hard I don't know how often he's played villains so this is pretty rad to see him take this turn. He should do that

more. Yeah no he's very good at it I mean my biggest beef with this movie is just the amount of like you remember the terminer it's tough you remember die hard you remember Rambo like fucking shut up I fucking remember

you know what I just realized like wasn't JCVD and Doff Lundgren and Universal Soldier there's not huge knot there's not too many elbow because there's no lines from that really I don't remember

you know what they should do is in the third movie bring back Liam Liam Hemsworth it not Neeson and make him an undead super soldier let's give a proper nod

to Universal Soldier Like an eyepatch or something. Well, supposedly the line of Stallone saying, like, rest in pieces. IMD trivia says that this is a reference to Dolph, of course, in previous episode. What did we wind up calling it? I came in peace or I come in peace. I come in peace, a.k.a. Dark angel. When I was a kid and I saw that movie, it was always I come in peace.

Yeah. That's why I think we did the episode of. The amazing line that Dolf Lundgren has in that when he blows up the alien is, but you go in pieces. Yeah. I also think Scott Atkins might be in that good, the universal soldier that came out not too long ago. That was good day of reckoning. I went through all those movies and sort of like this one. They kind of just, ooh, I can't tell you how many, I can't tell you much about that. Most of them. It's like asking me to count the jelly beans in a jar. It's like five or six of them. I mean, like the first one's okay. And the first one is good. The, but once you get into those. There's two sequels. I don't know if it's two and three or three and four that are budget basement like Showtime Originals. But they have Bert Reynolds and Gary Busey in them.

Those awful sequels that are not as good as the original. Reynolds and Bucy in the same movie at the same time? Are they sharing a scene? I don't think so. I think it's all like we filmed this like seven months apart. Reynolds and Bucy together. I can stop watching TV. Yeah, that's that.

pretty universal soldier you got there. That is going to do it for this episode on The Expendables 2, of course. If you want more We Hit Movies, check out Patreon.com slash WeHit Movies. Where this month, which I believe is June, we have a We Love Movies episode coming out on. You guessed it, Steve Spielberg's Jurassic Park. Hell yeah. Oh, man. It's a big boy.

We got that going on. The Nexus continues, of course, as always, who we do it on the Gleep Glossary? The Gleap Glossary, we are now. if you listen to our George R. Binks episode. All timer. I am. Yes. Yeah.

That's George R. Pinks's father for some reason. We talked about that guy for like 30 minutes or whatever. And we mentioned on that, Steve tried to do a gotcha, gotcha moment of like, oh, look, sir, droids. Like, oh, does that guy have a backstory? I'm like, yeah, his name is Davin Felfth. And he's like, you just made that up. I'm like, no, I didn't.

So we're going to do it. We're doing Davin Felt. Yes, yes, beautiful. The Luxeer Deroids guy. And speaking of droids, of course. you better believe it man obi pod canobey is in full swing we are recapping all of the disney plus miniseries yep we're and we're gonna have uh merrow 210s come back well i were we haven't picked our lifetime uh once in a lifetime movie oh we have we did oh let's do it chabin being bad at his job

not remembering whatever we're doing a movie called baby naps baby nap oh right a what is the a k a that's the thing it has four names yeah Yes, it does. You're right. It's a movie about like kidnapping a baby. And just to give us a reprieve from the Stock by My Doctor series, which we will get back to, we've done what, three episodes on the stalked by my doctor series with Eric Roberts. That's right. This is all this stuff, this beautiful content that is on Patreon and you're going to love it, folks. And you know, when you sign up, you unlock everything we've ever done. Indeed. Not just that month's offerings. You can go back and check out all the other stuff we've done.

Like speaking of Eric Roberts, by the way, you can hear me lose my mind in real time as I watch a talking cat for the first time on our talking cat commentary. There's the Harry Potter commentary. All the Twilight movies, we've got a lot of stuff there. Commando,

we did a commentary on. Speaking of Arnold, that's right. With Steve watching it for the first time, it was a lot of fun. We've done Predator as a commentary. There's a lot on there that you wouldn't think is on there, folks. Check it out. special stuff, you are never going to be exhausted.

Nope, we will never leave your side. That's how much content there is. And as always on the main feed here, the show will continue. And next week, we are talking about family-friendly film Cats and Dogs, which I've never seen. I remember being around the multiplex at the time that it came out, looked like a real honking piece of shit. Yeah.

I believe we have animals getting voiced by people. I don't think it's a puppet situation. It might be bad. No, it's bad CGI. CGI. It's what it is. And it's going to be beautiful. We're going to hate it and each other by the end of it. So, yeah, get ready for that shit. So all this and more next week as we're talking cats and dogs, folks.

So until then, I'm Andrew Jupin. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.