We Hate Movies - S12 Ep618: Despicable Me

Episode Date: June 28, 2022

On this episode, the 2022 Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza heads to Toon Town as we chat about the, let's just say, not-for-us sensation, Despicable Me!  Precisely how many other film properties are we borrowing from with all this? Why does no vocal performance here feel inspired in any way whatsoever? And what in the world is with our society's fascination with these Minions? PLUS: How about an episode of beloved cartoon Doug if written by sentient toilet, Scott Adams!?  Despicable Me stars the voices of Steve Carell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand, Julie Andrews, Will Arnett, Kristen Wiig, Miranda Cosgrove, Dana Gaier, and Elsie Fisher; directed by Pierre Coffin and Chris Renaud. Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new MINGO!, WHAT IF Donna?, Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm  Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, this week on the program, break out your vague Eastern European accents and turn off your brain because we're talking about despicable me. I'm Andrew Jupin. Despicable Eric Siska. Christopher Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to what the fine program, as such as it is here today. Thank you for tuning in as always. We are here as the summer blockbuster extravagance of rolls on. to talk about the OG you got a special about you because this has been a massive franchise

now for a long time. The OG Despicable Me from 2010 directed by Chris Rinoid and Pierre Coffin. You know what? I wanted to be in a coffin when I was done watching this.

Yeah, that's why I was hoping you would go with that. Yeah, too bad it wasn't directed by Peter Earn. If you like despicable me, it's time. for the urn. Michael Shannon. I'm going to get all those

minions in an urn, man. Oh, I wish. You know, we usually don't advocate genocide, but these things. Do you think the minions could vote? Is that something that's wrong? Oh, no. They don't know rules. They don't have rules. What am I saying? That rules. Citizenship, yeah.

Oh, definitely not citizenship. They're voting illegally. There was that movie 200 minions or 2000 minions and they were dumping ballots and boxes throughout this country you know trying to oh yeah

I remember that with the election yeah that was that was very frightening Eric do you know the the data that he uses in that movie to quote unquote

prove his point it's like all these he's like following cell phone information and he's like look at all the times these people drove by ballot drop off places.

It's like, okay. That's it. That's the proof. Do you notice how the bus route goes near town hall? You just can't trust those cell phones, you know? That's just the thing there. You can't get them. Oh, yeah. We should briefly let people know what we're referencing 2000

Mules, the Dinesh DeSuzza movie. Yes. Now, is he a minion? I get those mixed up. He, I think he is. Yeah. He used to, okay, yes. He's definitely created by a fucking supervillow. that's for sure. Well, he definitely enjoys showing his ass like one.

So, yeah, that's one on him. His juicy minion ass, that is. Not a ton of juicy minion ass in this movie. It is here a little bit, but that they tease out in the sequels, I think. It's the rude. You do get grew as a baby photo of the Steve Carrell character in this movie with a juicy little bottom. Oh, right, yeah. oh man when his mother's embarrassing him and then i'm embarrassed because it's fucking uh voiced by uh what's her face

julie andrews julie andrews yeah that's sad she'll do your movie don't worry about it especially if it's well that's it with a voice thing it's like when is it is it thursday i just show up and then i'll read the script wednesday morning maybe maybe i think she narrated two thousand mules actually so she'll do your movie look at those voting booths the cell phones passing by the voting drop-off boxes and then the next truck brought in four more voters

so Chris I know you're a big fan of Oh yeah Oh big time you fucking pig Well I was shocked By the Minion tattoo he got four years ago That was a really surprising

It's development. Yeah, it is. It's, look, getting it right on the hole. I know it's not for everyone. But I thought it was a good way to express the fact that I think that minions are the asshole of the world. And that is really what they are. I mean, like, honestly, they take over, they took over everything.

Like, the fucking illumination entertainment literally now like, oh, like the stupid little lamp for Pixar, like every time it's shown. a little minia has to go. I'm like, baga, baga, baga. Oh, man. And so what else have they done? Are they the sing people? Is that illumination? I think so.

They, they, I think, work with Sony a lot. Or is this a Warner Bros.? No, this is universal. Universal. That's why there's NBC shit all over. You're right. We're doing commercials for NBC within this film.

Yes. So I think they do that. I think Universal and Illumination are partnered. Yes. They do secret lights of pets and sing. and saying okay in secret life of pets movies one of these two directors directed both of those this might as well be secret lives of movies because i ain't watching those this these minion voices by the way this infantilization of society begins here my god

you need a baby goo gogo gaga thing you need a baby gogo gaga thing yes you do i mean i think that this i i and i'll start here i think that like I have young, I have young nephews and I've been in some rooms where the bad movie stops and then it's like, again. So I understand that there's much worse shit out there for parents that have to watch. And I can see where people are like, no, this is one of the good ones. I totally respect that for you. But for me, it's not one of the good. No, no.

And I hope your children always talk like minions for their whole fucking life and never developed speech because you made them one. watch this franchise. Yeah, I wonder about that. Are minions having a bad effect on speech development? Absolutely. No. From 2010, Chris, society, I mean, it wasn't that great to begin with, but it is gone, it is going right down the toilet.

It is going right down the toilet. I just don't think, like, no, Veronica, the answer, the Galapagos Islands were not founded in, baca, bachapagaboo, boom. I think they just, I'm not hearing that. I don't think that's happening. Here's the thing. Here's the thing that's difficult for me to sort of parse out here. So for this movie, I should say maybe we'll do this, you know, weigh in if you want to. I've seen this movie before and I've seen the first Minions movie.

I haven't seen any despicable sequels and that new Minions movie isn't out yet. So I've seen two of what will be five of these movies. This is my first experience and my last experience, hopefully. Fingers crossed. similarly, or related to what I was just talking about, my nephews were so into the first Minions movie and it was just kind of on with like, so I've seen most of it, but never like paid attention to it. I've seen the first two despicables and the minions. I have not, I have not seen the third one, even though Trey Parker is in it. So it would be, you would think

it'd be the one I would see, but nope. Oh, wow. Not even the promise of doing voices that kind of sound like South Park voices didn't even draw me in somehow. Now I will say so with this first movie here's what I have a problem with just like for myself. All of the grew and little kid stuff I do not care for.

All of the minions talking I do not care for. What is funny to me is any time there is physical violence put against a minion watching these things get knocked around and blown out into space and lit on fire and whatever. That is fucking hysterical to me because I hate them so much

and to see them fall on hard times in any way is awesome. I think that is inseparable from this like addiction this country has with these things. Is that right? I really do think like it's both the fact that like, yeah, it's essentially like like subverbal Looney Tunes. Yes. Right.

Which we don't have any like yeah, that like almost like a, what we, the best parts of, not the best parts, the worst parts of roadrunner cartoons because it was, there's no dialogue and it was just like, you could just watch it anytime and be like, oh, that thing got hit. That's fine. Yes. Or they reversed engineered telotubbies and they and they somehow got adults into it. And now you see people with t-shirts of these things. Yeah. That's a real water park situation. You know, absolutely. Absolutely. Dude, you will see million t-shirts at the water park you will see minion t-shirts at the six flags

where maybe the minions themselves are fucking dancing around I don't even know you will see minion t-shirts at the Capitol riots on J-S-6 most definitely dude some of the minions fucking participated since we're on minions we'll probably stay on minions for the most of the episode I

one thing that I hate about this movie because last I was the first time I ever seen this movie all the way through and it wasn't shocking but it was annoying that this movie, I kind of hate when this happens in big box studio movies, wherein they know what they have. Like, you know what I mean? Like, the movie hasn't come out yet.

And like in the notes section, somebody was like more minions. You know what I mean? Absolutely. These minions are going to take off and somebody called that properly. So now they're above the title card. They're fucking around in the credits. And like there's a minions fucking sequence in the grocery store for no reason. all because some executive, again, rightfully, was like more minions, more.

And I hate when movies reek like that. Fellas, yes, it's Terry Universal. How you doing? I saw the little yellow things. The fucking fans are going to love them. What can you do with their asses? Is there anything you could do with their butts or ass? You want to copy them?

You want to copy the oldest joke, the joke that was written in 1912? Sure. Yes. Why don't we do that? Gentlemen of the board, we all know that Simpsons pornography is illegal. But what if we were to make these minions sexualized in the sequels? It's kind of a loophole. You know, I was wrong.

I was against the minions at first. I was like, who wants to watch sentient bud plugs in, you know, in overalls? But there I was. You know, I watched the dailies. And wow, these things really pop. More minions. Put them in the credits. You just landed on something, Steve.

calling these things sentient butt plugs because my biggest beef with these things, the design of them, is the fact that they do come in different sizes. It should have been a uniform across the board. They all like the exact same because there's the one

that's taller and a little bit thinner and he's the guy you start out with, dude. You know what I mean? That has one eye. There's one eyes and two eyes as well. Sure. It's a spectrum, Eric. I don't like that. What a long cylindrical thing that's yellowish

that has one eye, huh? Yeah, yeah. Got it. You make, you, you kind of moan in goo goo gaga when you play with it. Yes.

I bet you somewhere out there there's like a fucking boutique dildo company that made a minion bug. Oh, absolutely not even a question. If you can get Jesus on the cross dildos,

you can get a minion belt up. Oh yeah. And that would be great to have a minion butt plug because it does, none of them are as curvy as the butt plug really is. They're more like, they're more like ear plugs, like, those like, they're just like to, like, they're uniform and shape.

Like they're all different, but like none of them like change mid shape. Like it's just one cylinder. It's all chalk. It's like broken pieces of chalk essentially. And I mean, we should address the lawsuit in the room or the lawsuit that never happened. These are just the aliens from Toy Story. Like let's just call it what it is. It's exactly.

They walk out, oh, ba-ba-bo-bo-da-da-da-da. It's the same fucking thing. You know what I mean? And they were like, let's just do that and hope you don't get sued. And sure enough, they didn't get sued. But Steve, you cannot gently slide one of them vending machine aliens up your ass the way you could these butt-plugged me. That's true. They perfected the formula with these ones.

You know what's kind of a funny, funny little scene here in the beginning of the movie? because it doesn't have anything to do with Gru, the three children or any minions whatsoever is these fucking pig Americans on vacation in Egypt. Yeah. I loved this. I was like, oh, roast me. Roast me some more.

Look at these disgusting Americans on vacation right here, man. They were particularly vile, these people. My Lord. Oh, Eric, they even had a disgusting ship boy. They did. I thought this kid was dead. I thought this kid was dead. I was like, all right, we're doing, we're getting, I mean, this movie gets almost dark a couple of times.

And, you know, credit-ish, where credit issues do. And, you know, this kid plummets. You're like, is that? Oh, no, he bounced because it's actually a big inflatable pyramid. So there's that. Right. Because someone stole the pyramid and it's making all the villains look bad. I just, that's the thing, too, that the laziness of villain, I think, in quotation marks.

like is this because it never goes there it doesn't do is it are we talking villain in a super villain sense or there's superheroes somewhere are we talking a villain in a James Bond kind of sense is there a James Bond out like probably that right wouldn't it be interesting to have you know the minions like fucking shove

themselves into James Bond's butt yes like it would be that would make so much sense if there was some either like a superhero and or James Bond or even a fucking oh man it would be if if it was just I am villain and Steven Sigal movie. Like it's just like

and it's just these fucking minions are gonna go these minions bounce and he just starts kicking them around. I started eating these minions. These mins are delicious.

I met Steven Sigal in Russia and he started baiting my minions. Yeah, put a little old base seasoning on these minions. It's really delicious. Hey, hey, could you give me some garlic sauce?

I'm gonna wrap these minions up with some garlic sauce and pizza. Hey, grew, time for a minion poe boy, son of a bitch. I'm having a minion poe boy. I'm a fun,

Northern Star sandwich are you, are your minions? I'm having a minion and gravy slurry. I'm just going to drink it all down. Gravy and minions.

I'm glad he's introducing all these great American classic foods to that region of Eastern Europe. Yeah, Russia doesn't have gravy. So I like also that he's just essentially the Walrus. of the carpenter in this scenario.

That's how that's going to go. Yes. Just about. Look, I think he just eats everything. Yeah. I think he's starting to eat plastic like in crimes of the future. Oh, totally. Yeah, man, I'm just eating this lunch tray. It's delicious. Have you ever eaten a trash can?

Oh, man. That kid eat that trash can at the beginning of that movie. I'm classified as cargo now because I'm like a goat. I can ride below the plane. Yeah, they put a rope around my neck and tie the rope to the floor. It's actually so much easier and cheaper to fly when you can check yourself as a luggage. I'm happy to announce that I'm partnering with James Cameron, and he's going to bring me to the bottom of the sea to eat old ship crashes.

Yeah, me and James Cameron are cleaning up the seven seas. Let me check my body. Do I have room for one more ship? Yes, I do. Here we go, Lucitania. you go again. That's why he's as big as a blimp, folks. Down you go again. Down you go

again! That is fucking funny, Chris. I want someone either to do art or or if you're a video game, give me a Steven Segal Kirby. There you go. That's what I want. That's perfect. It's like it's like

It's like Kirby's got a black-died mustache. Yeah. He's probably got like the little sword like Kirby does. It's like probably like some Turkish terrorist gave it to him for being in the same religion as him Can we say that the music

in this movie is amongst the worst music I've ever heard scored in time There was some Who is it? It's Farrell did all the music But I think the score With somebody else

I said scores it back But the music The pop music in this movie It's all Farrell And it is all Fucking terrible And you can spell Fuck with a pH if you'd like

Because that's fine too It's some of the worst. Once he left... Hey, by the way, hang on a second. Just really quickly. Uh-oh. The score also co-written by Farrell

and this dude, uh, Hater Pereira, uh, who's done a bunch of, uh, music and shit, uh,

and other stuff for movies. But Farrell Williams, responsible for some of the score you're hearing too, dude. That's, he's so bad. Once he left the clips, it was bad.

I mean, he's, occasionally you still get a good beat from him in some rapper. can do something with it. But, like, really, the pop stuff with him has been an absolute disaster. Now, this is what we were trying to talk about last night, and we couldn't remember. Was that fucking happy song roped into one of these movies? Yes, it was.

Or at least it was the advertising. Definitely with the advertising. I don't know about it. Yeah, it was like the minions being greased up with oil and being all, you can see all the little curvature, their fannies, and they're playing the happy song. And it's, they're shaking the oiled up fanny's back. and forth, well, happy. Yeah, they were twerking, which was popular at the time.

Yes, they still twerk to this day, Eric. Oh, do that? Yeah, yeah, still. Wonderful. Just like, I'm having a bad, bad day. You better get out of my way. People will tell you that's the best music ever written. So I'm sorry.

I know people, like, it's okay to like a movie. I don't think we said that for this episode yet, but it is. It is. It is. I don't get it, but it is. Sure. Yeah. I don't get it with this one quite either

This is also We'll get to the action sequences But like this is one of those movies And animated movies did this a bunch Especially in the 2010s Where you're just doing like sci-fi action scenes But animated like once that everybody already knows But like you're just animating them in this way

And it's just so obvious Like the Star Warsiness of like at least two of these chases Yeah It's so ridiculous That like I generally was grown because it doesn't I mean like that's things either make it a comedy or like full on comedy and like you know this you're you're clearly going that way you cast Steve Carell you cast uh Jason Siegel Jason Segal yes and you know Jack McBrere and all these different people so it's clearly we're going that way but like then you have to have the action you have to have the adventure you have to have the family because it's just a thing it's just a big box of a thing and hopefully everyone gets something that they enjoy yeah it's a real throw it at the wall and see what sticks kind of movie. I will say Jason Segal, I think he's the best part of this movie as Vector. Yes. I think he actually gives a shit. I feel like no one else really does.

You can't tell that it's him, which is nice too. I completely, for having seen this movie before, I completely erased his existence from my memory. Like, I was like, oh, Jason Seagull's in this movie. Oh, he's like sort of the villain. Weird. No relation to me is Uncle Stephen. See, everyone's related to someone, folks. That's how they got in. Hollywood. What was being spelled and pronounced differently. Oh, do you need help for getting Sarah Marshall? Because I could eat her. I could eat her whole. I could eat her and Russell Brand. Or I could just beat the shit out of you until you literally forget her. That's right, freaks and geeks kids. I also have a bad reputation of stealing and imprisoning women.

Yeah, it's not just James Franco, okay? If you don't have, if you have the balls to build drone dungeon James Franco get out of the big leagues uh but like yeah so it's it's and that's the one thing that really bug me about this movie it doesn't have an engine at all like there's no like in the middle of it Russell brand is Dr. Neferio which we'll get into is like oh we need to do we need to steal the moon within 12 days that I'm like 12 days like it's just like something about like the curvature of

something's lining up perfectly yada But you just want something wherein this movie actually moves forward for a reason. You know what I mean? Well, you need a different plot, right? Because like someone steals the pyramids, now grew this evil genius or whatever, is upset, wants

to also steal something and now they're going to steal the moon. It's all ego driven, which I understand that for a super villain, but like I need something more tenable or something. I don't know. Well, the problem here to me,

is that like Pixar kind of ruined animated movies for everyone else because now all of the like you have to have like new Hollywood like style story beats for your stupid fucking movie with the minions like none of this makes sense like it would be great if you could actually like it understand the world of despicable me like there's a bank you have a fucking villain has to go get a bank loan to fund your thing that's a funny interesting idea you do nothing with it other than move the plot along.

You don't do it like, I really don't think there's like, other than like, oh, prove to me that you have a, you can get a shrink ray. And I'm like, A, this is kind of boring just this scene alone. But if you explore the world, maybe there's fun stuff in there. Well, the thing is, this movie's leaving comedy on the table right and left. Like, once you get the moon involved, you don't have him like flicking the little American flag off of it or anything like that. There's no reference to any of that. Oh, that would be kind of funny, actually. I'm sure a bunch of people will get pissed off about it, though.

The only reference to the moon landing is the minions acting like NASA control when he does finally blast off. And it's just obnoxious, folks. What was I going to say about all that? Oh, fuck. I forgot. Now I forgot. The minions are draining my fucking brain. Oh, the thing with the villain.

Yeah, the world thing, right? Like, that's this problem because on its face, it's an interesting. idea for a world, right? Like the villain's side of things. And exploring that and building it out in such a way, I feel like the problem is you tie in, I don't feel like, I know, the problem is you tie in these fucking children.

And that handicaps every, it just fucking cuts your legs off. You also don't need them. You can't do anything. The minions are children. Yeah, that's true. Why do I have two groups of children? Because, and also there's no specific milieu to this. So it's just sort of villain, he's a villain.

And it's like, well, what exactly is that? And that's sort of where things start to fall apart. And like the bank is sort of interesting. Like, is there a league of villains? You know, these are things that could make sense. It's like, oh, you know, your union dues are up at the end of the month. And he's like, oh, my gosh, at the end of month, I need to steal a moon. Like, there you go.

Right. There has to be something. It's just because the Incredibles was popular like six years prior. Yes. That's why this exists. that's the main reason yeah and like god man Steve Correll must have

seven golden houses oh yeah off of this shit like I kind of like and like okay if it's if this is keeping him away from doing stuff like that fucking John Stewart movie by the way

I think Correll is considered an oligarch now from his vast wealth probably at this point he might just be he might I mean he might actually be Donald Rumsfeld. He played him advice. He might have that kind of money at this point. Was that a movie, the John Sturt

movie? Is that called Milk Toast? I forget. Yes. It's milk toast colon, everybody's a little wrong. That's what the country needs to hear, folks. Yeah, for sure. What the fuck was it called? Like voting night or something.

Irreversible? No. No. No. That was it. That was it. unelectable something like that Monica Balucci how you hit you did you

oh Jesus maybe that won't work it was welcome to Marwin is that what it was no no no but that movie is also

fucking terrible I'm looking at it up I'm gonna get it this is hilarious you cannot fucking tell the name of this movie I'm really trying

here is irrefutable irresistable there it is it turns out it was resistable you should never title your movie in a way that when it's terrible

funny quote unquote reviewers can slam you in a fucking tweet or like review headline like that don't make it easy for the New York Post can I stump the room yet again can anyone name the exact title of the movie with him and Ryan Gosling hitting on ladies oh crazy stupid love

oh wow I've talked about that movie with my wife and I'm like, it's called we're around. Like, I've never been able to figure out the video. Oh, yeah. Steve Correll and Ryan Gosling and who's horny? Is that what it was cool? No, no, no, it's crazy rich Asians. That's what it is. That's it. That's the one.

I actually, I will say, I don't think that that movie is terrible. That's actually a kind of funny enough rom-com. I'm sure it's fine. It's a movie that I could never remember. Oh, oh, absolutely. Yeah, it was the funny thing is like, I don't know that I would have remembered the title, because Chris was saying it, he got it right quick, but I do remember that

poster for whatever reason. These Steve Carell movies, folks, we're talking about... You don't even want to know. Anyone, anyone want to talk about obviously you got your Dan in real life? You want Hope Springs anybody? Oh, God. What's the truth is that? I have no idea.

No, oh, you know what that? He was supposed to... He replaced Philip Seymour Hoffman in the movie about Tommy Lee Jones can't get a boner for Merrill Streep. Jesus Wow And that's called Hope Springs

It is It is Anyone want to seek for a friend At the end of the world Ladies and gentlemen I want to do that Is it him and Anne Hathaway Or something

Kira Knightley No Kira Knightley You're right Man dinner for schmucks Remember that one Oh yikes The incredible

Bert Wonderstone I mean maybe This guy should have Never made a movie Like you know what I mean Like and I like him I love I love those couple

First Seasons Of the office Those are fun Well what's that fucking Bennett Miller movie he's in Fox Fire. He's really good Fox Catcher, yes. He's amazing. Oh, Fox Catcher. Fox Fire also a great movie, but

very different. Oh, boy. Oh, man. So, yeah, his whole thing is he has, he feels grew, a voice by Steve Correll, is, you know, he's so pissed off about the pyramid of geese of being stolen. Yeah, he goes to this bank and he's literally

applying for a loan. He's telling the minions also one point. We do get a little history, and this is sort of a weird joke, actually. He's like, we have also done great things. We did not need to steal pyramid. We stole the Times Square Jumbotron. And I'm like, you know how many Jumbotrons are in Times Square? Maybe that's the joke, but I don't think so. I mean, they're all the jump, Minnesota has a Jumbotron. Everybody has a Jumbotron. Well, these people are from Los Angeles, so they assume that

they don't have any besides one in Times Square. Most importantly, he stole the Jumbotron with the NBC logo on it. Oh, yeah. We're actually behind in the count because you're right there, Steve, and then to backtrack for two seconds, when we find

when the world finds out that the pyramid of Giza has been stolen, we are getting the report on MSNBC, just right there. The MSNBC logo. Why couldn't it just be like, you know, tiny town news or whatever the fuck cartoon bullshit it is? You know what I mean? Like, yep.

I mean, this shows you what 30 Rock was really getting at where it's like the synergy that's just ruining everything. Well, also it's like the serious like, yeah, I guess that is, like that is part of it because like, yeah, you can't be imaginative anymore. You have to put MSNBC with Richard Maddow or whatever this guy's name is. Right. guy with the hair. Like, yeah, that sucks. Yeah. That sucks. Yeah. 30 Rock was right. He goes to the bank and I got to tell you. And I mean, I do not think the animation here is good for what it is. Oh, I disagree actually. I think it's kind of okay. I don't think it's amazing. I like the character design. The character design is fun. He looks fun even though he's just totally

rip off of Uncle Fester. That's how you make anything these days, right? Every single quote quote original thing like this is just a rip off. See, this is a rip off of Uncle Fester. Rick and Morty is just Doc Brown and Marty McFly and somehow everyone's okay with that. Well, it used to be, it was always rips off, but they used to be subtle about it. Now it's just like so fucking plain. Like they steal, they, they steal the whole thing. Like it's, it's not just Uncle Fester's bald head.

It's the way he walks. It's the way like he's got the hunched up like shoulders. Like it's everything. It doesn't he even mention like an accident? named Debbie. He does. Which is directly Adam's family, too. No. I miss that. Dude, MGM has a fucking case now.

When he was, when he adopts the kids, he's like, oh man, my poor wife, Debbie died. I was like, oh, I know what the fuck that is, Steve Carroll. Right. Jesus Christ. Because that's the thing is they had to walk that line. They couldn't go to Dr. Evil or Blofeld. And then they dip their toes in Adams family and a little too heavy. and they wind up

you know he goes to this fucking thing I got well I just talk of the animation for some reason the purple couch in the waiting room looks fucking terrible I'm sorry I've been thinking about it for 48 hours I called my wife into the room she agreed

it was a real problem with this purple fucking couch it's boxy it's unrendered there's no cushion to it it's like somebody fell a fucking sleep with a job purple couch so there you go listen this rant went on so long

I'm gonna have to go back and look at this thing I have to do right this second but boy you're fired up about this couch I'll post a screen cap when this comes out I will find the purple couch for everybody I like that what I thought you were going to complain about Steve is that speaking of stealing character designs

the guy who works at the bank who later is also like a villain which fuck you that guy looks it's it's a and I mean steal from all you want I don't give a fuck but he looks exactly like a Dilbert character

he's Dilbert's boss he's exactly Dilbert's boss yeah oh but you were saying people were lazy and to be fair Will Arnette sounds like

Will Arnette again in this Oh can you believe that huh Interesting Wow Do you think Scott Adams was pissed when this movie came out?

Nah I mean yes but just because Scott Adams is pissed off all the time Yeah he wasn't pissed off because it was his character desire to think like that

It was some weird sex thing he read some weird sex thing into his like I'm against that or for that and it should be legal he wants to fuck the minions yes I think that's probably yeah that probably is right so the bank manager

this guy he's like all right listen I can't give you the loan you know this plan it's a little ridiculous here man and you don't even have the fucking shrink ray that you need in order to shrink the moon down to steal it so this is like part one of the mission

he has to figure out a way to steal this uh you know uh shrink ray here and we go off on this adventure are we to believe this is something that's been built and is housed by the chinese that's what it looks like yeah so we're talking about that a little bit i mean it's it's just a vague evil asian country i mean yeah we could be saying north korea we could be saying china i don't know what we're i don't know what we're trying to get at here politically in this cartoon i i don't either but i can tell you one thing they're trying to make very clear is that they do not want this distributed in China. You have a scene like this. You're very much being like, fuck you. I don't want to be

what, the second or third biggest market in the world. Fuck you. I'm curious. I'm going to Google Armenians banned in China. Ooh, here we go. I'm very curious. Probably. I hope so. Did they say that President G looks like them too? Or was it just poo bear? listen we don't agree with any of that slander that's that's true she is she is god oh so light year and minions too are banned in china of course you go that's awesome two two same-sex minions kissing that's the problem there minions point out a map of Tibet is that also going on possibly that's probably the third one i didn't see it well that's that shit with light year right there's like a lesbian couple that dares be happy with the family and china was like absolutely not so it was

fucking UAE. Okay. Whatever you folks want to do, I guess. So, also while he's waiting at the bank, by the way, we are introduced to Vector. This is Jason Siegel, who is there because he's touting

his, what is it's a fish gun or eel, a squid gun. There it is. Oh, yeah, yeah. The squid gun. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, good. And Grues like instantly disgust. with this guy. And I'm like, hey, man, you're both the same exact thing. You're not better than

that guy. Come on. It's not a family film until we torture some animals. Yeah. That's right. That is right. And I mean, there's, I think it's the different, like, I guess grew is supposed to be a little bit more got the, the, the, the, the scarf and like the, uh, scarf and like the, uh, zip up and all of that. And this guy's like 80s knock off. Like, yeah, he looks like he's at, like, he looks like he'd be at a junior senior concert. like that's the best I can do right I don't know how to describe it. He's got like a doctor octopus vibe to him a little bit

because he's got the haircut and the glasses yeah and he also reminds me very much of the little old woman in the Incredibles oh you're right yeah I can see that too totally a little bit just a little bit so they go to steal the shrink ray right they see these these fellas testing it on an elephant and the elephant

just shrunk down to this like sub banana size and like man that's cute it's probably the cutest part of the movie. Just this little fucking tiny elephant kind of great. And yeah, I don't, whatever. The fucking minions steal the shrink ray. And he's like showing his head of it. Just showing it, dude. He's totally showing it. The tongue thing, good thing. When you're first one of the first times you're introduced

the minions when he's like, oh, let the call my minions. We see all the minions playing around. There's a water cooler joke. Did anybody else notice this? Nope. It's one minion, two minutes at a water cooler. And one minute is like, ha-da-da-da-da. It's like a tall one. And then he goes, la-la-la-la-la-la-la. And it's like, I think that.

Oh, I fucked her last weekend? I think that's what I just talked like, oh, that I ate ass last weekend or whatever it is. That, you know, this isn't something we need to get at. The genitalia situation, they've got perfectly formed assholes. They're wearing coveralls all the time. There has to be dicks and whatever else, right? there has to be i mean i think if anything it's a shape of water situation where something has to open up before you see it or maybe like a little egg comes out of them possibly that sounds right

but i think it's sally hawkins just getting hot for minions just walking around it would be great because she you know she's hearing impaired they don't need to speak you know language to one another that's a true love situation right there that's true is her just getting railed by four or 12 minions oh totally she's fucking going to the movies alone and like the minions also in the theater and then she's like fingering herself on a bathtub thinking about that time she went to the movies with the minions

I bet you if you get Doug Jones to do the minions voice it's pretty sensual like Doug Jones would class up a minions vocal performance you better believe it and then you have Richard Jenkins being like there's how many of them

there's how many and they have butts you should cute little butts cute little butts indeed so on their way out of stealing the shrink ray they're you know because he's a villain he's got all sorts of mobiles and whatnot

so he's flying this jetback and this fucking vector dude comes out of nowhere and steals it from him uh oh yeah that's an exciting incident to a movie possibly I guess so right vector Vector shrinks grooves ship down

you have that line, I hate that guy. That's, the problem here is you should have had a scene where, like, we get Vector after that, like, right, alone. Like, we need to know what, actually, what's Vector doing? What's the motivation? Yeah, totally. What is he doing? What's going on here?

They even, it gets so far to the point where Vector, it's revealed in sort of the beginning of the third act that, uh-oh, he's the son of the Bank of Evil's boss, like the Bank of Evil guy, Dilbert's boss. is like, calling the shots. And then you never see that a guy again. It's just sort of like, nope. Because like, you better get your button gear and kill the moon. I'm Will Arnett.

And then it's like, uh-oh. And then like you just never, that's it. Like that guy, that guy should be like falling into a fire pit at the end of this. Exactly. Yeah, he should be punished. There should be some, it should be in the plot in some way. It's like trying to do a twist that like literally nothing matters in the twist. No, right.

It's just to, it's just to get like as much of like, there's like a list of scenes you need to have that or like some producer told them they had to have and they're like just get to these scenes and then we're out of there and like that's it and that that's what exactly it feels like by the way vector looks just like John Oliver doesn't he yes yes he does you're right yes he fucking does incredible I'm surprised he didn't show up in one of these fucking movies

yeah yeah I feel like he has done voice work though hasn't he must have he's a celebrity in America he's probably wasted a thousand cartoons he's been on Eric's despised Rick and Morty more than one time how about that folks and no I don't despise it I'm going to say that because I don't want teenagers to hurt me

harass me they're just going to come to your house with pitchforks I love your cartoons and everything else you like and you know you do the skateboard and it's fun yeah oh yeah so wait and hang on let's see we got John Oliver I'm doing it I'm doing it

so he yep Definitely, the bird and the Lion King. Sure. Oh, yeah. From 2019, he also was in a totally forgetable animated movie called Wonder Park. Four episodes on Danger Mouse. Surprisingly, the only one episode of Bob's Burgers. But, oh, that's what it was.

He plays vanity in those newer Smurfs movies. I'm looking at it. I'm looking at it, too. And oh, my God, he's an irreversible, too? He is not. It's not irreversible. It's irresistible. Oh, different.

That's different. Very, very different films. That's different. I got to write this time. Got right this time. But yeah, so now it's like, oh, I have to, I hate that. I hate that guy. Can we talk?

Can I ask question? What the fuck's going on with Dr. Neferio? I guess he is his quote unquote cue. But at certain times he's calling the shots and like he's older. So it's like, did you make him into a villain? Like a mentor. Yeah, I, we're missing a movie here.

We're missing a total movie. Right? Like, is this, could it be his father? Like, what's going on with it? Well, that's, like, they kind of, like, forsake all of that shit for the mother's stuff. Yes. Which I'll do nothing with. Which makes no sense.

And it doesn't matter. Like, who gives a shit? Yeah, you would think we get flashbacks of the mother. And you're like, okay, so I'm guessing because he's a villain that this relationship is strained. to know she just shows up later and makes whatever food for the kids and it's fine and she's out of the movie like we need there there's nothing there's there's no friction in this movie and the competition it's just a competition between two supervillans and what they can steal that's not very exciting and i guess i mean the point of the movie obviously is when the kid obviously

we should have said that earlier on three not girl scouts come to the door selling cookies which is bargo edith and agnes i want to say did i get that right Sounds right. Yeah, you did. And Margot is the taller, it's the tall, oldest one whose age I want to know because she's also like

into having stories read to her and she looks like about 10 or 11 and that's like, kind of past that shit. I don't know, man. When you've had a rough-ass life as a fucking orphan, I feel like you're having stories

read to you later in life. I don't know, but the wardrobe tells me that she knows what climate change is. Exactly. Well, little girl. Girl. Our orphans can save the world, too. This Margot's voice, we should say, by Miranda Cosgrove, who was in School of Rock.

And, of course, was the titular I. Carly. And the Disney show. The youngest one is eighth grade. Yes. Yes. L. C. Fisher. The youngest one also is ripped off entirely from Monster's Inc. So don't worry about that. Yeah. Oh, that is like, they fucking, they copied. pasted the girl. It just looks exactly the same. And they added two other girls around it so they could just avoid the loss. It's like, no, no, it's a trio. I mean, one of them is a girl from Monster's Inc.

But the other two are, and here's a thing, hat girl. Hat girl needs to figure out her thing. It's like that, I think you should leave the sketch. It's just like you had all year to figure out what your thing is Hat Girl. Because like the little one's really cute, babyish. The tall one is like the leader

and like, you know, kind of untrustworthy. And Hat Girl's Hack Girl. like, well, what the fuck's Hat Girl going to do? Like, is she hungry all the time? Is she really smart? Is she stupid? Give me something. You're never going to know even what these kids think or feel or want. And God damn, I fucking hate this movie.

All they want is to be adopted. And that's, it's so low bar that they're like, oh, this guy. Yeah, I guess we'll learn to love this. Stephen, you're being very unfair. What did you? What's, what's the name you said? A Hat Girl. What does she have?

Oh, she does have a hat. Well, there we go. There's her character. She's got a hat. And the hat is the character. Because she's just acting, she's just acted like a baby stoner. Like that's literally, she's like, yep, you're right. Okay, all right.

That's that's fair. It's a little pot head. That's literally all they're doing. There's like, oh, it's perfect because as you said, Eric, like no friction. Like, she's like, yeah, what is he a villain? Cool. Whatever. I'm going to sleep now.

Some conflict about what he does. Maybe you would think. They don't give a shit, like, at all. Like, even when they kind of, I guess, realize, like, what he's doing. Well, that's a good question. Do they ever actually realize what he's up to? I think they know. They kind of do, I think, towards the end, right?

But they don't give a fuck. They don't care about anything. They're kind of into, oh, it's a fucking, you know, it's three hots at a cot. So, you know, that's how they, that's how these orphans work. Right. Yeah, exactly. But also, and at that point, they're being saved by, like, they're, he's the hero at that point. that's why they like him because he's a hero compared to Vector.

And like, again, we just need, like, I forget the second one and I haven't seen the third one. So I don't know if they ever introduced like a hero character to go against them. You would think, you would think something to give something like, because we're talking about how like it's trying to be the Incredibles. Like the thing about the Incredibles is they had a bunch of different characters. Yes. A bunch of dump. They built out the world through little characters that were funny, little tiny jokes here and there, a little like weird like, pronunciations and shit like that, little

powers. And it was a pastiche of superhero, so you had all of that to play with. You know what it capes do? That's a clever idea. What about this? What about that? Oh, you know, he's the frozen guy. All this shit makes sense. Similarly, again, with Austin Powers, you have the fucking entirety of James Bond and James Bond spin-offs to play around

in. You need to plant a flag something. See, they're like, yes, we're going to play around in that sandbox, the spy movie thing, but they don't know what to do with it. It seems like they don't even know that world. They just thought it would be a winning concept. Here's what it should be. I mean, they're right.

It's just a vehicle. Totally clear. It's, it's grew as the villain side. Okay. And he's got three kids. And then there's a fucking parent that's a hero and they have three kids. The kids become friends. And then it's like, oh,

what do you mean? Dad, why are you fighting with Sally's mom? What's going on? And like, that could be some sort of conflict right there. But the problem is you cannot do a family of superheroes or villains because you're already kind of ripping off the Incredibles anyway and to put a full family of like villains together and heroes together, it's lawsuit city.

So you're kind of screwed on that avenue also. Yep. No, totally. So then you just go back to a bunch of shit that never, ever comes together in this movie. Well, that's just the point is when you have to thread the needle so perfectly like this, yeah, you make the money. But the movie is incomprehensible. It's just absolute trash

Like which is what we like Well because it's simple Listen it does I don't have to think too much They're doing baby Goo Goo Gaga is half of the fucking dialogue And I can just sit there And slowly let my brain die

I would even contest that kids With like I guess I'm proven wrong Because they're sending kids In fucking droves to see this thing But like I'm just like I don't see any like Like it's colorful enough It kind of looks like an animated

Tim Burton movie. We're playing with that for sure. Yeah, that's what something I got from like when you go to see his house. Yeah, that that whole whole thing with the lawn and his neighbor and shit like that. I was like, this just feels like that except for like again, light isn't touching things so it's not interesting. And it's not really style. Again, I fault the animation. I think the animation is really clunky and specifically not good. So whatever. These three girls, he goes the next day to Vector's house and and again I'm not going to make this people are always like oh there's

SJWs everything's a problem Rastafarian grew it's just a bad joke it's just like him and Rastafarian garb and it's like okay is it fucking trading places like yes he's got

he's got the clothes sure but he's wearing a dreadlock wig ladies and gentlemen that is the fucking problem here that's the biggest problem. This dreadlock wig. It didn't work when Jack Black did it. And I still know what you did last summer. And it didn't

fucking work here. It's terrible. You can say no to Steve Correll. If Steve Corral comes up to you and says, I want to do Jamaican accent. You can say absolutely under no circumstances, are you going to do that, Steve Carrell? He does not do a Jamaican accent, thankfully. Well, sure. Yeah. And he sees the little, you know, he can't get into Vector's house. But the girl, the girls can also like, I don't know, man. I mean, I know this orphan lady played by Christian Weig is sort of, like, doesn't care about them, but, you know, rule number one

never go in the house. I mean, like, if there is a rule number one, it is never go in the house. But they go in the house and he's like, ah, I have light bulb now. I have idea. Why are we? Why will get you

to give cookies, two factor? You're right. It is just baritone Borat, actually. You know, A little deeper Borat. Yeah. Yeah, it's just vague Eastern European something or rather. A Borat's father. Oh, man.

That sounds about right, yeah. Mr. Sagdyev, huh? I wonder what that guy was like. Yeah, so he, yeah, the light bulb here is, oh, if I adopt those three orphans, I can send them back into the house with this cookie guys here. and while they're there they can steal the

or let me in so I can steal the shrink rate is the idea so he goes to adopt them and like this is a weird like yeah Kristen Wigg as Ms. Hattie is the character and I guess part of this thing is like she's pimping out these children to go sell cookies to make her money is that what's

going on? Oh yeah and that's something and there's also like because this movie again I think the animation's incredibly lazy there's no other orphans you know what I mean we see them going to bed once like oh, they're in our hardscrabble life. There is this, and again, this very dark joke about like, if you don't sell it, you go

to the box a shame. And I'm like, so we're just like talking about like really abusing orphans. They should have the stones to make it like they're orphans because Gru killed their parents. Ooh, that would be an excellent term. Maybe they find that out in one of them's sequels.

Oh, dude, Dispicable Me, 5. And it's the final one. They're all like in their mid-20s and they realize that the train crash at their mother and father. they're dying on. It was because Gru had to fucking, I don't know, steal the goddamn St. Louis arc. Yeah, it's the end of Unbreakable with Gru. Exactly.

And then they beat him to death as revenge. Beating to death with his own minions, dude. They call me Mr. Gru. The thing with the cage of shame or whatever it is, it is fucking funny because when they are like reporting

their bad sales or whatever to Miss Haddy, she does threaten them with it. And as they leave the office, there is a kid in it and they're like, oh, hey, Jeff and he's like, hey, guys, how's it going? Little kid just rotting away in this crate kind of funny. It's like bugs all over him or something.

It's got to be disgusting. He's writing his novel and shit on the wall. That would be great. Manifesto, yeah. I need more of quills. I need more quills. It's also a weird thing in this movie where they don't necessarily pin down

what the stakes are as far as like the physics at any point. And it seems to be kind of rule-free because in that scene with him, before he goes to adopt, when he's trying to get in the house or whatever and Vector realizes, like he's, at every turn, there's a different

security thing or whatever, and Karel can't get in or Gru can't get in. And so there's the gag, it's a very loony tune's gag of like all of these rockets and fucking missiles and machine guns and whatever are all pointed at him and they go off and in the distance, you know, we cut to

far away like seeing the whole town or whatever and there's a little mushroom cloud and then he's like just fine again so at that point of the movie it's like Looney Tunes physics but then at other points of the movie I don't feel that the characters think that that's true because there's like you know danger

of foot here and there so it's like again which is it can this guy get hit in the face with a rocket and be totally fine or do people lose their lives is this more of like an expendable's world where Jason Lee gets fucking totally murdered at the end of that movie Well, see, the thing here, Andrews, we're talking about no friction.

Death, big time friction. Oh, sure. That's quite a lot of friction. He'll come in and cause some problems. He's bad news. He's sandpaper. That's a lot of friction you're getting right there. So I don't think, yeah, I think they're just going to, like, they only want death to be,

like, something that exists to, like, pump up, like, oh, are they going to make it? Or, like, stuff like that is the only time when you're supposed to believe death is real is if, like, something just narrowly happens. Right. Right. So he takes them home and there's, you know, a lot of like, oh, this house is fucking gross. And he makes them sleep in like empty fucking missiles and shit. So I guess in this world, CPS doesn't exist. It's the idea. No. No, no, no, no. And if they did, they'd be corrupt. Like, that's, that's the thing with like Mrs. Hattie being like, like kind of the whole point of this is like, well, kids might as well be with supervillains because everybody's a piece of shit, right? I mean, Come on, everybody. Don't you? Don't we all believe this? Everybody's fucking terrible.

There should be, instead of like he has a dumb neighbor who, you know, he's like a little combative with, he should have like two neighbors like Jeff and Molly and oh, Jeff and Molly can't give kids. So sad, bye. And then like, you know, he kind of, as the movie's going on, like he realized that he likes these kids, but he realizes it's not right for them. But, uh-oh, Jeff and Molly are right there. At the end of the movie, he kind of just like, I visit on Sunday and you are Jeff and Malley's problem now. But I love you like, uncle. That's less weird. Yeah, that's good enough for us.

Exactly. There'd be way less weird. He should be looking for other avenues for these kids instead of like keeping them. Well, that's the thing too. Initially, I guess his plan was to abandon them or murder them. Like, I don't know what his. I'll choose murder. Give them back.

I mean, you can always just give them back to mishad. can you? Can you just return him? Well, he literally does that later in the movie. That's a kill shock to him. They got 28 days, you know. Okay, got it. You know, here's the move. Oh, if we haven't done this yet,

despicable me, four, five, six, or seven, grew versus orphan. And they both sound exactly the same. I like this idea. Oh, that orphaned. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Orph in 2009, yeah.

Yeah, don't pretend that that's an obscure film. that'll soon to be a sequel ladies and gentlemen that movie is so popular she's still using like Peter Sarsgaard's passport that's a previous episode by the way I don't believe she'll be using

Peter Sarsgaard's passport Chris because if I'm recalling right that movie that's coming out it's called Orphan First Kill and you guessed it it's a prequel Oh my God

I cannot wait to see the orphan learning the Jedi powers That's like she she'd she drowns in a lake at the end of that movie, I believe. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like they're going to be doing anybody watching this latest Stranger Thing series? Yes, but a couple episodes back. So easy. All right. Well, no, it's fine. But like when they show younger 11 and they're kind of, they're kind of doing some Gandalf shit here, like making her smaller. I thought that was a smart way to do that. Yeah. I wonder if that's what they're going to do with this movie. Because like, I saw that woman recently in a movie like late last. year. The novice. The novice. Yeah, great movie.

Oh, was it an escape room to tournament of champions? No. She's also. How is that, Steve? You know what? Honestly, it's not as good as the first escape. Well, so then I'll hate it even more.

Excellent. That first movie, man, that movie could kiss my ass. Trash. Speaking of trash, this movie, Dispigable me, very much trash. We have, speaking with Steve saying, the Russell Brand character, Dr. Nefario,

we do have him doing some Q stuff. There's this whole sequence where, like, the kids get into the workshop or whatever, and he's like, or grew's like, what is late this development with gadgets? Yes. And so there's like boogie robots that get made. It's just like some little dancing robots. But he wanted cookie robots to walk around someone's house to Steve. a fucking ray gun so

that he can shrink the moon. And then he wanted a dark gun and what did he get a fart gun? Oh yeah. And now like here, here's the thing. Fart gun? Funny idea. Oh yeah. You just didn't do anything with it. You should get blast ass already.

This is like the laziest way to make a fart joke. Like it's just there's no real like big like bouncy sound. I should get ripples in my ear. I should hear. Oh yeah. I should wind somehow. Yes. I want like and it's just like a nice faint

wind and then a minion smells it and faints. Well that's the thing too is like people like to talk about Pixar movies like the French New Wave and they're not you know like but it's there's this thing where in they do Chris. Most of those movies are not good including their incredible sorry

but the thing of it is is like that fart gun joke we're talking about if it was at a Pixar movie it would have paid off at the end and that is just because those Pixar folks know how to write a screenplay. You know what I mean? know how to tell a solid story.

Like at the end of the movie like Vector would have the upper hand and grew was like, Vattu-do, and then he pulls out the gun, you think it's a gun. Oh, no, it's the FARC gun. And then you're like, oh shit, that was from the other part of the movie.

That was kind of cool. And again, it puts it to the French do way. Well, this is a good point, though, because to Pixar's credit, those feel like movies. And this does not feel like a movie. This feels like you put this on to shut the kids up for an hour.

Oh, 100%. It's just a series of things that happen. You watch it and it does not feel like you're watching a movie at all. I mean, yeah, I mean, the thing is, right, if we're doing a Bond-esque cue scene, the purpose of those is to tell the fucking audience, hey, everybody, these are all the cool things James Bond is going to be using throughout the motion picture you are watching.

And so by that token, right, like, yes, the FARCUN should be used in some climactic way. The anti-gravity serum should be used in any way that's not just a joke about a minion floating onto the moon. Where I guess at the end of this movie, by the way, Vector has to be fucking that thing on the moon. What else you're going to do? Second of all, confirmed now, minions don't breathe, which is kind of terrifying. Wild. Oh, you're right. I think they're already dead or something.

Yeah, they're mostly styrofoam. Oh, so do you think a minion takes like 30 million years to disintegrate? Oh, yeah, easy. Well, how do you kill these fucking things? Because if they're not breathing, they're not, you know what I mean? Like you can't drown these fucking things at a lake like resputin. Hey, hey, hey, hey, come on, Steve. What else?

What would be more American than being able to live forever and not say anything but we're almost there. I think if Trump got a second term, we would be there. Everyone in the United States. of America is going to be mandated to learn minionies. Oh, man. You want to talk about where you'll get some Minion shirts. Look at a Trump rally. The Minion shirts. Oh, yeah. Like a way, it's that and the bag of shirts. It's just one and the

other. It's a, it's a minion, and he's got a red hat on and a neon pink thong bikini pulled right up between its two ass cheeks, and it's wearing a t-shirt that just says, these colors don't run. Yeah, yeah. And it's burning a cross and hiling Hitler holding up a flag with the date 1776 on it I mean that's what the person

that's what the person wearing the shirt is doing actually burning across and saying can you can you truly blame a minion if it gets wrapped up in anti-Semitism I mean these things just follow whoever it is you know what I mean

that's a good point are there other minions or is only Gru has them only grew has them I think they have I think another villain has a different kind of Minion. Wait, wait, so is each villain like selectively breeding their own style of Minion? That would have to be

if they are doing it, then yes, Eric, you are correct. Let me tell you. Let me tell you something though. Just to add to this, what I learned from that first Minions movie, the Spinoff movie. Nice. Drop some knowledge. Minions, dude, existed all throughout time. What? Yes. Yeah, there's there's prehistoric. They've all throughout history. Yes. Yeah. like fucking

like Henry the 8th era minions really so he minions throughout time dude they were beheading all those wives for not bearing his child the minions were attached with that yes

I believe the minions were also at the crucifixion is that in one of those fun scenes yeah they set up Christ and they were at the Nuremberg trials yep they were on trial there as well just laughing at the fucking like doing that

oh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha translation we were only following orders yes that's exactly right but yeah I mean that's they've they've always been with us dude as long as human beings have breathed air minions have been shaking booty all over the place yeah

I don't know what to tell you and that's what they love to do Eric because the whole other the point of the boogie robots is only to allow for some some disco music to happen so that a minion can shake its butt. So in that sequence, we get those robots. We get the minions flapping ass everywhere.

And to the delight of millions. One minion is sitting in a vibrating chair at one point. It's got a, it's got a dildo that springs up like George Clooney's chair and there's another one that's doing karaoke. And I mean, that's funny, right? Because it doesn't speak properly. I mean, that is perfect, that the minions are all. only, they're most happy

with Gru at home. But the second place they're most happy is a place where they can buy shit. And they are just like, they get to this supermarket slash like, I don't even know what it is. It's more like a Sears, I guess. It's no, it's like a big box store. It's like a Sam's Club or a BJs. Yeah. We're lucky

we didn't get, we didn't see like target logos or whatever the fuck. Yeah, thank Christ. I was damn right, dude, totally. And I mean, and this is again, like some executive is like, I don't care what it has to do with the story. Send the minions somewhere. Yep. and have them fuck around. And one's in a dress and one's got a mustache and one's a baby.

And you're having a fucking great time, right? Eat your popcorn. Shut the fuck up and eat your popcorn. The minions are doing stuff. I would love you. Are the ones with the two eyes, the men and the one eye, the women? I'm not too sure. There are no genders.

Yeah, they're not gender. But they've got asses. They do. I mean, we just don't know what's going on. I guess that's. So I say, I say they don't have. have genders and then your reply your reply was but they have asses i'm just saying you got something i could fuck look eric what the point is you cannot say these things you cannot figure these

things out because then reddit would have nothing to do let's you don't give them answers they have to go find so if i if i somehow answer this equation reddick can go away that'd be delightful yes go if you can figure it out baby you're working full time then motherfucker get on that i'm gonna have a bunch of charts up in this room yeah you're gonna be the charlie day pepe Sylvia meme for a little bit there. Don't say gender about minions of someone to fucking legislate them out of existence.

So you know what? Maybe I should then. Yeah, they are there at the big box store because the little girl has lost a unicorn stuffed animal. It gets disintegrated with some disintegration ray. So Gru is like

because the girl starts crying and grew is like, all right, you go out to store now and you buy new flophers. a unicorn for this little amoeba next to me. This isn't even like a movie. Like you would think the heart of this movie is like your Gru is learning how to take care of these children. Sure.

Quote unquote. Right. And it's not even like imparting good lessons about child care. Well, the thing is, you know, just like you're you're saying something that could have been something. If they actually were in that direction, it would be, you know, do like a Mr. Mom type of thing. Yeah.

I guess we get that briefly, but we don't dig our teeth into. even that. We don't have time. That would give this movie a narrative engine. It would be like, oh man. And we do have the thing of like the recital that they have to go to because they all do ballet together and like he takes them one time and you know, they're like, Pinky swear you'll be at our recital. And it's like, okay, I get it. But like that just kind of comes and goes. You know what I mean? Well, because we got to sacrifice that shit because we're too busy making jokes about Oh, aren't the fucking

BG's terrible? Like, first of all, fuck you. What a decades old lame joke. The BGs are not terrible. Beach's rule. You're making this fucking dated as Ball's Disco joke. Like, get the fuck out of here. You know what's better than that?

Farrell. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, we have the audacity to make fun of the BG's, but it's Farrell fucking soundtrack this entire movie. Okay. Very good. And listen, it's okay to like a soundtrack. and I'm just, it's okay to like

minions, please do not kill us. Don't kill us. The thing about the dance class, which is funny, is he's doing all like, oh yes, Pinky swear, I'll go to recital. No place else in world, I'd rather be than the eth recital,

so on and so on. And all the other like dance moms over here, him. And there's this weird shot of like, all these women are just super fucking horny for him in the waiting room. They want that shit, dude. They want it's disgusting.

They want to see what's between those skinny legs, all right? That's what's going on. He's definitely speaking of those skinny legs, dude. He's got Roger Klotz boots on. He does. Roger Klotz from Doug with his weird high heel black boots Groo's wearing the exact same thing. Getting my boots back funny.

Hey, dog, you ought to give back his boots. He's pretty angry. Hey, Doug, we're going to have to go out to the A&P, darling. sat on the last minion and killed it. Doug, you seen my good minion t-shirt? No, that's, we're going out fancy. Doug, I need my goody minion t-shirt, the one where it's on the front,

they're naked, and on the back you see her bottom. That's right, Doug. I need it for the Capitol riot to support Mr. Trump. That's right. I need my minion sports jacket. With a bunch of minions all over it, like the Riddler suit. No, Doug, you idiot. That's my Water Park Minion T-shirt.

I said the good Minion T-shirt, Doug. Oh, Doug, you're so in up both in life and in bed. That's my funeral minion T-shirt. That ain't what I'm talking about. The election was stolen, funny. Come on, let's roll. Yeah, exactly. He goes to cucks, Doug, because.

he's the he's got the stones to take her to the capital right i mean soon enough it's going to be senator clots oh yeah without a dad dug dug if written by scott adam yes oh baby patty mayonnaise is going to the riots with roger ahck dog we're on no fly list and the fbi is asking constant questions patty deserved to lose her job No, Patty. I don't want to learn how to make a noose. I really don't want to learn that. Dear Journal, today my wife, Patty Maynays, left for the insurrection riots. And I don't know how to feel about that. Maybe Quailman could show up there and set them all straight. We're going to hang Mike Pence, funny. That's it. I know what'll get her back. I'll do a slow version of killer tofu for her at the January 6th. Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh. mercy it's a good one

all that all that I guarantee you would be way more watchable than despicable yes Doug is better than this Doug is better than Scott Adkins shit or whatever his name is Scott Adams sorry I did not mean to disparage the action star well there's probably a lot of episodes of Doug

that are better than Scott Adkins movies that's true too yeah so fuck him Doug Doug's not too shabby sure but so the big day comes we're at Vector's house again the girls go in with the cookies

uh oh these cookie robots infiltrate the house and they're like sneaking around through the air vents with the shrink ray what do they do here oh this is a weird

this is a weird fucking thing they're walking the minions that is or walking through the vents here at one point and like it's dark in there and like one minion goes like oh hey minion is your back out of whack let me crack your back for you kind of a situation and just cracks this thing and it starts

glowing like a fucking glow flare it's just i guess it said i was in there aroused i'm assuming oh when they're at a rave they're at a rave they do that too and i mean like i don't know and then like they're doing this like mission impossible thing where like they're in an event they're repelling down and oh no is vector going to find them a lot of wee product placement in this movie by the way in case you're wondering oh yeah that was an interesting little time capsule here. Yeah, he's We what? Vector

is playing the Nintendo Wii, we, we. Oh, is that what's going? Yeah, the WI. Oh, I thought you were saying he was like sitting there watching Wee TV. Oh, no, apologies. He's not watching Criminal Minds on a Wii TV. They're descending and then like Groo's pants fall off and one of these minions grabs his junk. I am sorry, ladies and gentlemen.

Clear as day, I paused it. I did not call my wife and it wasn't as bad as the couch but I did watch that. She asked she asked you to stop after the couch. What was her read on the couch? She agreed with me. The couch is poorly rendered. She was like look, yeah, the couch looks like shit. Don't

call me in here for the rest of the same. I'm enriching my life reading a book. I'll talk to you later. Honey, no, I need you to know what does Grudge and Italia look like. Does it look good? Is it rendered well? Ask your friends tomorrow. Exact him.

No. Ask your nearly 40-year-old friends tomorrow. So they sort of, how do they get out of this? Oh, they're hanging behind Vector. And then, like, he, because he's like a Villain, right, his lair has a shark tank under his living room. And the shark, like, sees them all hanging from the ceiling and starts trying to break through and, like,

knocks Vector on the couch, like, off the couch, rather, onto the floor, like, trying to break. break through and they use that commotion to kind of ski-dattle. Yeah, see, see, it's his own, it's because he's grown too complacent that he's allowed to get stolen like this, because he just, he doesn't even pay attention to his

shark. Imagine that. Imagine your superbellion, you're not even paying attention to your pet shark. That's bullshit. I would be paying attention to that shark. I'd be gibby, my shark. I would be feeding him every day. So now that the heist has happened, he has the shrink ray grue's plan

is he's going to take these kids to like a boardwalk amusement park type thing and leave them there. Yes. It was just kind of hilarious by the yeah it is and so that's what he's going to do and then the girls are like oh yeah we were going to go on this roller coaster or whatever

and then they're like the carney or whatever is like well listen mister like these kids girls can't go on alone they need someone to help and so he goes on with them and oh would you believe it he starts having fun with these girls oh and then but you also get to start

having fun because another Pharrell song comes on. Oh, God, we're going on a ride. Isn't this fun? And it's a song that I'm writing because this is what's happening. Yes, that's, yeah, the ooh-hoo. Yeah, you got at least one who. That guy was like the biggest music star of the 2010s, maybe. I mean, that guy was everywhere at the time. You couldn't escape them. It's been a downhill ride since clips. I'll tell you that one. The thing is, Eric, you're right, he was the biggest, but his hat added about six or seven inches. So it was hard. It was hard. to tell the difference there. A little Ferell joke ladies.

Paul, any Ferell music there? Because I'm happy. There's your Ferell music. Big hat. Yeah, bigger than time. Big hat. Yeah, big hat, Dave. Yeah, he's got a big hat and he writes music.

That's the joke. And the number one seat you wouldn't want to find Ferell in in front of you at the movie theater. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Because it's 2010, you were still legally obligated to have Jack McBrayer doing a voice in a movie. So here he is this like carny character. Man, Jack McBrayer, a dude who has made me laugh time and time again. But he's a guy, man, I think he just like burned right out.

Like there was a period of time where that dude was shot like obviously riding the wave of 30 walk. like just it was in fucking everything. And now he's like kind of taken a break. He must still be doing animation voices or something. Probably. I watched I rewatched a forgetting Sarah Marshall recently and I was like oh yeah, Jack Brayor is really funny in this

and he is and he's really fucking funny and he's just he's sort of disappeared. While he's on, he's doing voices, he's doing he's on Big Mouth. He's on Hello Jack, the kindness show. Puppie dog pals. Yeah. Oh, so So he just started doing voices on things I don't want.

Right. Yeah. Right. About 20 episodes on some newish cartoon called amphibia. He voices toadie slash brodie. Yeah, but wow, it is almost exclusively voice acting, huh? Yeah. Good for him.

Look, if you got syndication money, you're the last great fucking sitcom. Oh, yeah. You're fine. You can just fucking do voices for the rest of the right. He's richer than God. It's fine. He's fine. He's fine.

It's got five episodes of Bob's Berger's under his belt. He played Lindsay Graham on Our Cartoon President for six episodes. Two episodes of Star Trek Lower Decks. Wow. But yeah, so this is like the real bonding moment is Jack of Breyer's being an asshole. He's not letting the kids win because the little girl, the cute one is really obsessed with unicorns. It's a big fluff unicorn and Gru is like, what if I use big, big gun on you? It's like, that's a joke.

funny he shoots the shit out of this whole destroys this man's livelihood destroys the whole fucking booth the only thing that doesn't get burned up is the little unicorn plush toy I could always wonder like you know those like carnie things like how much

like if there's the big teddy bear or whatever and you're just like sure could you just go there with like a lot of 20s like how much is that going to cost what are we talking here what's probably how do I walk out of there with yeah yeah you could do that yeah okay at sir don't you want to

to just go to a KMB toys. You just telling me how much the unicorn is the same way. Steve, you should go down to the boardwalk this summer with like $200 and 20s and just walk around with drag around tons and tons of bears and keep on going. I guess I'm just good at these games. Exactly. Why don't you give me the smiling dragon up there?

Yeah, the yellow one. Yeah, yeah. Give me that. How much that? $40 for you, sir. Yeah, I'm going to have a free date tonight. Give me the doll and the dragon. that got fucked by Eddie Murphy and Shrek, thanks.

Holy shit, I guess I should audition. Try off for the Mets with this arm I have. My God. Bullseizing bottles all around this boardwalk. Can you imagine a shop shooter like me is single? Wow, somebody called Nolan Ryan because there's a new rocket in town and he's looking for ladies.

Oh, hey, sweetheart, trade you a smile for a bear. Yeah, dude. Oh man. You just, I mean, unfortunately, and I say this every day, I'm taken. But, uh, you know, yeah, otherwise it could have been Steve Sadeck stars in Scumbag Summer. This, this would be a good Safty Brothers movie. Oh, yeah. Actually, yes, it would. Oh, fuck. Yes, it would. Yes. Picture the sandman going out there with a Wad of 20s buying these bears out on Coney Island and just walking around. Like a dark rom-com and he gets like beaten to death under the boardwalk. He had some other guy

buy him liquor. Exactly. You should never go under the porthog, dude. Lesson learned. Listen, I only got a $10 left. You want to give me that pineapple plus you got right there? Come on. Just give me it. It's nice. How much for the Dominion? No, all Dominions. How much for all the minions you got? I want to buy out your minion stock. And then I'm going to throw him in the ocean.

So his, you know, Drew's like, he goes back to the bank and he's like, hey man, so shrink ray, stolen back, we got it, ready to rock and roll. Here's my presentation about the moon. And there is a funny gag here. I think this is a legitimately funny joke. He's doing like a rolling up, oh, here's the next piece of paper for my presentation or whatever. And he's like, and as you can see on next page, and he flips it up. And it is just a child's drawing of him taking a shit.

And it is very funny. I mean, they put that in the trailer. They knew that was a winner. Oh, was that a trailer? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that checks out. Grew on toilet. Of course, I mean, like, any, have any silly voice say the word toilet, it's a winner. This awoken to a lot of people to caca play.

Probably. Oh, gross. Oh, no. If the Safty brothers ever put on a stage production, they could call it caca play. Yes, they could, dude. It's just an option. Yes. uh so you know he's doing this presentation and the will arnett uh dilbert boss guy is like mr perkins

is this guy's name he's like hey you know that's great and all but we're gonna go uh we're gonna go back to a younger villain and you don't really know what that means right away but as we've said already vector is the son of this insignificant character oh can you believe the nepotism oh my god Even in this world, even in this world of super villains, nepotism, really. Well, I guess it was a more accurate world than I thought. I could just imagine Eric when this reveal comes up. Just, yep, that's how it is. That's how it is all over this world.

Maybe I could have been a villain of my dad owned the bank. I don't have two minions to scratch together. Oh, do you think they have fingernails? Oh, my God. Ooh. Yeah, God, are they growing fingernails? And do they need haircuts? Because some of them have hair.

And if they're just ass, they have to piss and shit. Yeah. But here's, Eric, you keep, listen, we don't, we don't know that they have a functioning ass, dude. We just know that they have cheeks. Well, why would they evolve to have cheeks, you know? They're minions. Well, who the fuck knows?

Eric, I would submit that they have the cheeks because cheeks are funny. I mean, yeah, cheeks are funny. So the biggest moment of bullshit in this movie comes right here where it grew us to go home and tell all the minions that they're basically out of business and he doesn't have any money and they can't finance the moon scheme here. And these fucking little girls, I couldn't even believe this. I couldn't even believe what my own two beautiful blue eyes were looking at. These little girls go up to this fucking Uncle Fester looking motherfucker and give him. They're piggy bank to help bank roll

the mission. They're crooked. These little girls are crooked. They belong in jail. They're accomplice. They are absolutely right. Absolutely. Their agents.

Mrs. Hattie sent them in here. This was a big scheme from the beginning. Unreal. But that's the thing too because this sequence is so fucking frustrating because the first 45 fucking minutes is like,

how do I get shriegrey? How? Because then I can get loan from bank and steal the moon and it's you take so much time on it and then all of a sudden all the minions start emptying their pockets too and he had enough money to do it anyway and it's like well so we just dicked around for one third two thirds of this movie's runtime cool yeah pretty much that's what you have to do you got to build up the the time waste and so that the minions can come back that's what's important is the minions come back i just don't understand why

they have currency on them i don't well at one point he does say they don't get raises. So I guess he is paying them. Well, that's good. But what does that even mean? Is it just slop on a trough? Is that what he's paying? Yeah. Well, also, yeah, he's got a Bezos situation here. He's like housing them at the place. Yep. That's like, that's, I mean, that's just bad. And are they being stored in the bombs as well? How many used bombs do you have grew? Because if not, then like the CIA, who I guess would be the even worse people in this world, are going to be after you. I don't know. It would be interesting to introduce the government or police or anything

else besides just the news once in a while. Yeah. Again, if there was an antagonist, I mean, obviously, like, whatever Vector is the antagonist, but like, yes, then like, someone's like, stealing the moon's a bad idea. I'm going to stop it. You know what I mean? Like, that's something. Right. Well, yeah, like,

Vector doesn't have like a moral theory against crew. Like, there's no opposing point of view. That's true. It's just they stole each other's shit. That's the whole fucking thing. By the way, send this to five minutes ago, but I just did

a quick doll e for you guys. And I typed in, grew on toilet and just texted to you. And I got to say, pretty successful. Oh, I'm excited. So that comes through. Let me know what you think here. Oh, that's beautiful. We'll be posting this when this episode drops on Twitter at WHM podcast

and our Instagram, also WHM podcast. In certain ones of these, it is unsettlingly close to the cover of goolies. Oh, you're totally. Holy shit. Yeah, box four is pretty much goolies. Very close. It's not good. Are the goleys related to the minions in any shitway shape?

Are they like distant cousins? They're ancestors. Oh, yeah. And then the critters are involved in there as well. Well, I'll tell you the thing about Goolies v. minions here, though. We know from the Goolies track record, college educated. Yeah. So, they got that up on the minions, at least.

That's true. Well, when the sequel, Goolies Goalys go to college. I feel like they, they just kind of squeaked their way through that Bachelor, not unlike myself. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, by the hair on their little yellow asses, absolutely. Well, yeah, yeah. They wrote, they wrote some essays on movies, too, and got a C-plus. Exactly.

And in a real, we are desperate to make this movie fucking 95 minutes. right after we've had the like boardwalk scene where they have fun on the roller coaster and then he stands up for them at the fucking Jack McBrillers little carnival game thing moments later

like after the whole we're broke thing and then they turn in all the money it's a two-prong montage of Russell Brand's character like working on the plan and then grew just like getting to know and love the kids even wore it. I'm like, you just did it. I fucking buy it now. He stood up for them on the

boardwalk. He got the little girl, the fucking unicorn doll. That's, I don't need this second montage. How about him actually doing some villain shit with Dr. Nefario? Well, they also, well, they also just, you know, they set up the 12 days thing. So you got to fill those 12 days somehow. Montage helps a lot with those 12 days, I think. I think that really puts it in hyperdrive. And again, Dr. DeFario comes off the top rope. as barely a character and then he's just like where you've got

these little girls where they're ruining everything and it's like because I guess the recitals on the same day as the perfect day to steal the moon

which we've never really cleared up as to why and it's just sort of like he's like why don't we steal moon on Tuesday not set or day and he's like I can't believe it grew

we've been planning this for years and I'm like who are you sir is he your boss is he your partner is he your old mentor, is he a fucking

ex-villain that you decided to team up with just last year? Like, anything would be fucking fantastic. Well, if you don't, if you ignore any detail in that case, Steve, it makes it so that you can, you know, really do anything. You don't have to actually have a

confrontation. You can essentially shape the confrontation any way you see fit. That's true. They don't really are characters. You can do whatever you like so you can literally have group fart on him and then leave. And that is what I wish he had done. But no, there's more talking, of course. And then he's like, I must follow

the advice of this vague man living in the house. So he decides to give up the girls. Yeah. Well, this is a question I have here because there's a line where Nefario says to him, if you don't do something about the kids, I will. He's going to kill him,

yeah. But like, I had just assumed that it was Neferio that calls Ms. Hattie, Kristen Wiggs' character, to come get them. I didn't think that Gru actually did this I think it's red as he did because later on

he's like I shouldn't have given you up or whatever biggest mistake in life but it's oh but when she comes to the door he's like oh miss hathie what are you doing here right and she's like you called because you said you wanted to return the kids

and he goes vat and then the fucking the old fucker's standing right behind him like well yeah because his so I guess the mistake was allowing for listening to Dr. Neferio was what he was his mistake I guess Like at that moment he should have been like

Oh I'm sorry to have troubled you Miss Haddy That's actually this old senile scientist That works with me He's my dad or something Don't worry about it I should you know what I'm gonna take this moment I'm gonna figure out what my power dynamic is with this guy

Let's figure it out together Let's get to room and just make a plan It's this bullshit screenplay thing Of like we need to do that moment where like all is lost right before the climax and but this wasn't earned it doesn't feel like anything and i know it's not going to even be a thing i know they're going to be back with him at the end and again again if it's a pitz it picks our movie you know and you know it you know you know who dr de ferrio is and why he is like that's just that's just it's the base level

competence of storytelling is what we're talking about when we even bad storytelling When you have fucking horrible expository dialogue, which frankly a lot of those Pixar movies do have. It's at least filling you in. This is the exact opposite of that where they're not making any storytelling decisions whatsoever. No, those montages, I mean, you were saying, like, we've already done it,

but like that's literally the meat of the movie is him like getting to know them and becoming bonded with them. And you put it in your montage. Like the most of what the meat of your movie is supposed to be about is a montage. thing rather than a scene in a movie which would have been nice.

Like Pixar would have never allowed that. They would have had the scene in the movie. Yes. Yeah. Hey, speaking of scenes and movies, we have to stop this thing fucking dead so that we can make a Godfather parody for no reason.

Sure. Like, what the fuck? Honestly, at this point. What the honest fuck are you doing, putting that in this movie? I pretty much stopped watching the movie by this point. But I was trying my best. That's fair.

I don't believe you at all. I did get through it. Don't worry. I just was glancing away at time to time. Well, the Godfather parody doesn't make sense because the Godfather parody the Godfather thing is somebody put something in there to send a message

but I guess the joke here is the kids left it in the bed by accident and then he found it. And again he wouldn't be horrified, right? He'd have like a cry emotion like oh no, I can't believe I ruined one good thing in life. Why would he scream? You're totally right. Like why would he fucking scream?

Maybe it was done. Dr. Neferio, like, I'm going to eat those girls. I'm going to gobble him all up. See, I'm going to start with his unicorn toy. You decided not to give me characteristics, so I've decided to become a cannibal. You should have defined me earlier too late. No, yeah, I split three girls with Dr. Neferio. It's delicious.

I ate them. After I ate a ship, I ate some girls. Eat them right up, man. Eat them right up. Delicious. Dr. Neferio, who is, of course, my religious advisor. And I love him so much. Definitely. Yeah, that guy, you know what? That guy, I think you're right, Chris. Dr. Neferio, he's got power of attorney. He's got everything to do with Cruz's bank account. That's why there's money problems. Definitely. He's got the deed to that house under his name. He's the Polly of the franchise. Absolutely. Oh, that's right. You go to, it's a situation where you won't reach enlightenment.

grew unless you do what I say I'm looking up to see if Dr. DeFerio is in other films. Oh, that's a great idea. I would love to see more of his shenanigans. Other non-dispicable me films. Or if he's even in Despicable Me Too, say. Oh, no, he is. All right.

Maybe Dispicable Me Too opens with his funeral. Oh, that'd be cool. Dispicable 3. Me? Does Dr. DeFerio get a really annoying podcast? Is that what happens? Oh, my God. He's in the new minions the rise of grew as well. He's in all of these. Okay. Yeah. He's probably a young man in that. People love those despickel. Oh, he's not in Dispickle Me 3. Or I guess it is a Minions the Rise of Crew. He is going to be back. And I guess he'll, you know, decry woke culture in that one or something.

That'd be cool. I can't wait. Whatever it is, Russell Brand concerns himself with these days. Yeah. Oh, I think the vaccine is fake. I think that's one of them. Let me do, but he's cool because he does DMT. whatever the fuck it's it's fantastic i'm honestly surprised he's still getting cast and stuff like this and ricky jervais has got some new animated movie coming out i'm just like what what why who's that for that's the thing it's like it's not from an angle of like like you know i wasn't about to be like because cancel culture doesn't exist it's not that it's just like those two guys are so not fucking funny or entertaining in any way whatsoever well they just i mean they've run their bit and like it wasn't funny

in the first place or maybe it was in Jervais's for a little bit but like they just ran out all goodwill and they never changed it really. They were just like doubled down on everything that they didn't like and just made that their whole routine. Man remember that fucking Arthur movie. Oh yeah. Oh man that's you I remember

we were living in a story when they filmed it. It should have been called Arthur colon America says no because that's what that's exactly what happened. That was the end of the Russell Brand experience. Which which wonderful but I do I do think he was legitimately funny and like forgetting Sarah Marshall. The problem is like

that's just that character and there's nowhere else to go. Yes. Yeah. And he just played that character. You know what I mean? That character was always that character is that character. And that character from Sarah Marshall is the same character from Get him to the Greek and in both cases they're supposed to be like airheaded

scumbags and that's totally fine but like the second you have him doing literally anything else I don't care. Don't give him a soul. Don't give Russell Brand a soul. That doesn't He doesn't have one in real life, so it just doesn't work. And don't give one to Ricky Jervais either, because he don't believe in one. Is it being cheeky or what, isn't it?

Did you know I'm an atheist? Yes, he's an atheist, but he hates, like, a lot of human beings, so that's cool. Yeah, that's good. That's so it's just, you're just as hateful as a Christian, but you're an atheist. For personal reasons. For completely personal reason. It's really fucking cool, dude. So whatever, man.

Gru fucking goes up into space and shrinks the moon. right? That's very nice. And meanwhile, he's like, after he does, he's like, I can still make the recital. And he tries to go back. And also like, I mean, obviously, the only like moon shrinking joke you get is a werewolf turns back into a naked guy. It's a good one, I think. Yes. It's the best joke of the movie. Yeah. The tide, the tide dies off and you see a bunch of surfers like fall on rocks, which is also kind of fun. I'm glad they addressed that. Because when I was watching this, I was like, they're not even going to fucking bother. Are they? And they did. They did. They did. address the tides and I appreciated that those those are like the most actual like Looney Tunes as gags in this like other than like a couple of the minions back and forth but most of this is it this is really it

we're quick to steal a joke from season nine of Seinfeld where Dr. Neferio is like we have to warn him and fast and he jumps on his rascal scooter and just puts along at two you know two miles

an hour here oh yes yeah that's pretty funny. The idea is the shrink rate doesn't last forever. And something, something, the smaller something, the bigger something is, the shorter the time it lasts to be shrunken. And that's, I don't know. That is correct. Don't worry about it. And I as a child watching this movie, definitely care. And I want to be explained to all this. It's not just a funny, bald guy doing a funny thing. And, yeah, no. So they

the girls are you know they do the recital they're pissed that he's not there and the Vector man or really fucking he kidnaps him I guess to get back at them but also like I don't know man

now you're just kidding at some point like I kind of thought the same thing like I wanted Dr. DeFario to be like are we kidnapping kids like oh I'm not getting into that kind of beef dude I was trying to I was trying to shrink the moon

I'm not getting into whatever you're getting into with these kids Back 50 years ago when I got in the villain game, I said one thing to myself, I said, DeFario, you're never going to mess with kids. You never want to get involved in kids. The punishment always harsher. The public perception, always more negative.

They will run you through the ringer if you get involved with messing with kids. The ferrio never going to touch a kid. Never take one. It's very important not to do it. If you're going to deal with them, you just kill them outright. You're just completely liquidate them.

It's how you got to do it. He's trying to get rid of them. because there's like a court order that he can't be near them. That's true. But so like now it's something something

Gru is going to go save the kids for being kidnapped by Vector because, oh sorry, Vector's like you have to give me the moon or and you get the kids and Drew's like, I don't know,

this movie's fucking going on too long. Here's the moon. Well, because we've got, we've got really like two to three major locations in this movie. So we go back to Vector's house.

where he's holding the children and there, did we get the Terminator reference here? What's that? Did we see that? So he, Gru, is trying to break in and Vector sends like a rocket at him or whatever and Gru does some fancy footwork and all the rockets like blow up the front door

and there's like a bunch of smoke and dust and everything that hasn't cleared yet. And as it does, Gru like very bad assidly walks into the property and the score for a quick second just has a big a bit of a reference to bum bum bum bum bum

bum bum and he walks through the smoke and then like just as quickly as it started it goes away again I was like ooh fuck that well for the yeah that's the two movies that everybody's seen

the godfather and the Terminator make sure we hit the mark here everybody that's right yep yeah so yeah everything's going to wear off the moon is going to start growing bigger and it does

immediately Vector is flying away in his ship with the kids so Gru's now flying after them so we're ending this sort of in the skies here and like the kids got to jump out the back of the one plane and Gru's doing like I will catch you I promise well we were

it's kind of like Air Force One it's like a little bit of that going on here I would like to see a president grew I assume that's despicable me for his president grew Oh, President grew, man. I don't know.

That would be something. And you know what? He'd be fine. Well, I don't know. Was he born in this country? Can he be? Oh, good question. I think eventually we'll scrap that anyway.

If Arnold really wants to make a run, they'd scrap it. I wish. Scrap it now. Who gives a shit? You already let a fucking game show host do it? What does it matter if someone wasn't born in the country? I feel like that rules in place because they're like, well, you know, a dastardly silver-tongued Brit

will come over here and then hand us back to the monarchy. I think that's exactly right. I think that's what it was. Oh, yes. No, no, no. I'll definitely keep democracy. I'm from Montana, you understand. And I'm just a folk singer. I most solemnly swear not to give us back to the queen. this this sounds like a good movie you know you said you set it around the the war of 1812

totally the Manchurian tea candidate I like it oh yeah I think we can work with that at the end it ends in Boston and someone throws him into the harbor perhaps perhaps we could save just a little bit of the tea he's one of them So whatever. So the two little girls go and then Margo, the oldest one's kind of stuck. The two little girls, because it's, you know why? Because it's a cute little girl

and fucking hat girl. Suck it up air in this movie. That's why you might as well just do it. You got nothing to say. Do it at the same time. Dude, it doesn't even matter. Like get two of them out of the way at the same time. That's exactly what this is. You're right. Steve, she's wearing the hat. I know. I know. Whatever.

Fucking congratulations. Her thing is wearing the hat. It's a very funny hat. It's not a thing. Do you think people go to the movies for the hat? Is the hat in the sequels? Oh, probably. Probably.

That is a question I have, actually. Are these little girls still in the movies? Are they voiced by the same? I believe they did. I know Hat Girl actually, because I looked up Hat Girl, the woman who voices Hat Girl has kind of only done these movies. So I saw her IMDB profile and it was like all of these movies. Yes.

So, but like, are you getting Elsie Fisher back? or uh what's her name uh miranda cosbro i mean i'm not sure about it i'm sure elsie what is she i mean like you know she's working if if if i was elsie fisher or miranda cosgrove like i fucking want to come back absolutely you want me to do 20 lines for what like five hundred thousand dollars sure i'll be oh yeah she's uh miranda cosgrove yeah she's in all of them and there's it where she's i see she's got an announced despicable me four i guess they're not in Minions Rise of Gru because he's a baby in that one.

Yeah, a little prequel sitch that's the idea. It's a separate franchise too. I mean, it's just beautiful how this has grown into a terrible death tree of animation. Wow, Elsie Fisher also doing a voice, speaking of Uncle Fester, in that Adams family

cartoon movie. Oh, really? Yeah, the 2019, the first one. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, Steve, you want to talk about bad animation. You couldn't tell me. I have no idea what it is If we had to do it for the show I'd watch it I'd watch the whole thing

It is I mean Oh man I had to pull up the page Because I wanted to see if she played A like significant character But it's probably just like Some friend or something

But like I am not a fan of that animation at all Eep Eep Anyway so she tries to jump She fucking falls Gru jumps to catch her And he falls

And then the minions Save the day Can you even believe it? Whoa wow Oh, pretty wild. That's crazy. Yeah, they all like to make like a human ladder kind of a thing. Human centipede.

Yeah. Oh, man, a minion centipede. Oh, fuck. Dude, grew before the kids came up. He was like, why not they make minion centipede? Oh, definitely. Like the first batch he made of them. Mm-hmm.

It would be a thing. Okay, how about this, right? He rents human centipede. And he's watching it. He's sitting there and is terribly rented. purple couch watching the human centipede and then like it gets over

and he's watching the credits and he's like say speaking of no one's looking and so he's actually inspired by the movie itself to make a minion centipede that's about as meta as it gets folks

that's light ear type thinking I like that oh fuck yeah dude totally this was the fucking movie that Andy watched but he loved so much human centiped that's what it was

So, you know, whatever. They go back to the house. Vector is stuck on the moon with like a plastic bag around his head. So this guy's not long. I was like, oh, are we just going to like imply that Vector died for being so mean? That'd be something. He's just got to go on the moon like in a horrific gravity kind of fashion. He's just going to explode essentially.

His little head pops off or something. But I guess, yeah, he's got some science reason to be alive. yeah it is a science reason to be alive he accidentally consumed some minion bloods now he can survive forever I guess isolation and exile is dark enough for a kid's movie yeah I mean he's gonna marry that

you're right though he's gonna marry that minion for sure he's gonna be slamming its ass and it's got a lot of buoyancy in that trunk if you know what I'm saying fellas it'll be like the end of Gremlins too oh yes exactly here comes the bride but it's a minion oh god so many people in the united states would give everything to marry one of those things i guarantee it oh yeah oh give it time it's the same people

that fucking write letters to serial killers in prison it's the same thing same shit i will say i quickly looked up uh jason seagull's uh imdb page and unless they recast uh vector he does not return ever seen from again maybe presumed dead on the moon that's cool they should go to the moon in a sequel and see a Skellington that would be a fun little joke with the little glasses on it

or the glasses of the orange track suit on the skeleton definitely I need that so then we just have a big fucking dumb party at the end to celebrate giving the moon back and the movie's over the movie's over that's what's well

it's a make good on the recital Chris so that now he can go and see the kids whatever and we're all happy and Farrell is doing the songs or whatever and we're dancing our little rubber asses. Julie Andrews you cannot believe she's in this movie

isn't this scene as a way to sort of wrap up that thing where now she likes him so that his relationship with his mother is healed sure. I bet you I guess there's no way she knows she did this movie right? No, absolutely not. But she remembers Aquaman

though. She doesn't remember all these other pieces of shit, but she remembers Aquaman. She did that press conference where she's got all the compendiums and whatnot, like all the stories through the years of Aquaman. She's back in Minions the Rise of Gru.

Oh, and since it's a prequel, it's probably a bigger role. Oh, yeah. Oh, God damn it. That poor woman. You know what? If you're doing that, give her a Cracken movie, The Rise of Cracken. Yes. And make her be the young Cracken from Aquaman. You're 87.

years old. Maybe you can relax. Yeah, enjoy it. Exactly. I think Eric, I think she is relaxing. She probably is doing this from the studio that's built in her house. That's fair. Yeah. That's fair. It's just immediately uploading it. Just shitting all over their own legacy

but I guess she was already in the Shrek movies. Well, but you know what she did though? Which I think was, it's totally right on and you know, whatever other of these cash grabs you want to criticize it for, fine. she fucking refused to do a cameo in that new Mary Poppins movie and good on her

Well, she knew it good on it She'd do it turn when she saw it man She's like, no, absolutely Did anyone see that? I did not I saw it in theaters, man No good The nostalgia got me a little emotional and whatnot I grew up with that first movie

But that second movie I'll tell you the biggest problem with it Right off the bat you leave the theater You cannot remember a single fucking song in it And like when you think about the source material of the, you know, or not the source material proper, but the first movie I mean, the songs are fucking legendary.

And we, Chelsea and I both left the theater. We were like, can you recall a single song from that movie that just finished five minutes ago? And we could not. So yeah, it is not a good movie. She made the right call there. Speaking of not good movies, this ends, yes, like we said, all of a sudden it goes from the nice dance recital music

to record scratch, DJ Minion, wika, wika, and then like pop music, comes on. We have the Gru-ray disc joke, which makes no fucking sense, because it's audio equipment, but whatever. And, yeah, but now Groo's dancing a skinny

little ass off, and everyone's loving it. Sure. And then he takes the girls and they go up on like a high platform and they're looking at the moon. It's so close. It's like fucking melancholia for some reason. It's huge. That's the end of the movie. They fade out on looking

at the moon. And then you get a fucking five-minute Minion short film at the end. Of course, because someone in the studio is smartly like, get me more minions. There was a short film at the end? No, just like before the credits start, it's like a minion fucking around on like a white screen. Yeah, I saw that. I thought maybe I missed like, you know, Nick Fierry recruiting the minions or whatever. No. And it's also not like the short at the beginning of Roger Rabbit with baby Huey flying around. None of that either. I wish. I'm getting together the Minion Avengers. oh god kill me

it's a new initiative oh man and somehow yeah soon to be the fifth movie in this franchise will be released unfucking believable but that is despicable me from 2010 directed by Chris Minode

and Pierre I wish we were also in a coffin because of watching this movie so let's go around the horn here folks recommendations and final thoughts we're definitely saving Eric the last for this one Chris Chris Cap A terrible movie. Do not see it. I first saw this with my cousin's kid and it was just like, you know, you're doing your thing. I mean, he's like a nephew to me, so we were just watching having fun. And I thought it was, I wasn't really paying attention. I was like, oh, that's funny. He was laughing a bunch. That's good. But then I actually watched the thing and you pay attention to what's happening. And it is just absolute garbage. And like there's no regard for like storytelling or anything. Anything you might want to tell kids is good about movies. It's just none of it.

of it's there. So yeah, absolutely no. It's a terrible movie. Stephen Sadek. Yeah, I agree with Chris, though. I mean, I do think it's important to at least say, yes, if you're watching this with your kid, I know for a fact that there are much worse movies out there that you could be watching it with your kid.

Totally get it as ad nauseum. There's only so many hours in the day, etc. But just as a movie that I have to watch, no, thank you. This is a movie I have to watch? No. It's not for me. Again, I think the humor, it's got a lot of funny people in it,

but it's just, you know, we fall on really tired tropes. We don't let them really, you know, they're not right in the movie. You know what I mean? And they're just, and also like, you know, they're also not really voice actors either. You know, they're funny voices, but they're, again, where it's a bit of a celebrity voice acting scenario where it kind of doesn't matter. No, just no. I saw on the credits that one of those minions was apparently voiced by Jermaine Clement. Sure.

Easy to check here, Remain. You can modulate my voice, then I'll go, Woo, boo, boo, boo, woo, boo. Because I think the rest of them are the voice by the director. Yes. The two guys. But Jermaine Kermint is credited as one of them. Anyway, yeah, no, F plus.

This movie fucking sucks. I have to say, I remembered feeling like I had more goodwill to it after the first time I saw it. It just was not here this time. Maybe it is because I was paying closer attention. Like Steve said, I totally understand the parent thing.

Like, yes, you can use this as a 95-minute babysitter. Absolutely. That doesn't mean it's a good movie. You know, I will say, actually, I remembered that first Minions movie being better because it's a weird, like, it feels almost like a bunch of it is just really like absurdist comedy sketches

with these fucking things. And again, the physical violence is all there. You don't have the bad Steve Carell thing. And, like, apparently with this Minions 2, Rise of Gru, they've just ruined that. and brought him back, but whatever. I'm sure if I went back and rewatch that, it's just as insufferable.

Big no for me. Eric Siska, I left you last because you hated the movie movie. Have at it. Yeah, well, you know, until they supply me with like a biological chart of what exactly is going on with these minions, I'm just going to hate it till the day I die.

So this is a big fat no for me, keep it short and sweet because we're going to be in a coffin sooner. It's true. Eric, I would just love to have you like you be like Michael Fossbender in Alien Covenant just held up on a planet

with these books of the innards of minions like these drawings and like you've been there alone for years cutting them open trying to breed them with each other creating some terrible yellow menace. I love this idea because then I can inflict them upon mankind. I mean it's true they are kind of the perfect

organism in that way. Like I said they don't breathe dude. They don't breathe. Yeah, if they don't breathe, they probably don't have to eat also, you know, yeah, you're totally right. That is going to do it for this discussion on Despicable Me. Of course, if you want more We Hate Movies content, of course, go over to patreon.com slash we hate movies. Tons of content over there exclusively only if you subscribe, including a new once-on-a-lifetime that just dropped recently on a ridiculous film called Baby Knapped, which, Eric, real quick, which is the better movie, baby-napped or Despicable Me? Baby-napped. Excellent.

We got the Nexus coming out. Who we doing on Gleeve Glossary? We are doing Davenfeld, the Stormtrooper that said, Luxor droids. And prior to that, we did Georgia Binks, Jar Jar Jar's father. We've done tons of characters on their Emperor Palpatine, Bobafet. It's just a fun side show where we talk about Star Wars characters.

I read these guys entries from the old EU and we laugh at it. We got Melro 210 out the June. was two real fucking bangers of Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose Place we had a lot of fun there What the hell else? What's the we love movies? That's Jurassic Park

A big motherfucker To tie into that Jurassic World movie that nobody likes And we've also got a hundredth episode Of animation damnation coming out this month Oh man I can't even believe it On fairy tales for every child episode Hennie Penny

And you know what you're like oh that sounds like whatever the cast is Sherrod Stone, great. Johnny Cochran Jr., is Johnny Cochran actually. Sure. Mary Hart is in this. Geraldine Ferraro. Alan Dershowitz is around. What?

Rudy Giuliani is in there. Robert Guillaume. Jesse Jackson. Beautiful. And Henry Kissinger as Ducky Dattles. Wow. What in the fuck? I'm watching this tomorrow and I've been waiting all months to watch this fucking thing. Yeah, it's very exciting.

Oh my God, that's momentous. I cannot wait for that. And of course, we do have our latest commentary is also out of talking catmintry. Wow, that's really something that movie. A lot of fun on that commentary as well. You can listen to it on its own or you can sync it up and watch the movie with us. A lot of fun on those commentaries. But here on the main feed, of course, the summer block bus.

or extravaganza continues next week. Steve, what film will be chatting about that? Is it despicable Me Too? It is not, but it is a two. Two, two, two, two, two, two. Two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two, two. It is Thor the dark world, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, yeah, this is the Frost Giants one.

No, the Frost Giants one is the first one. This is the evil elf, the evil elf Malkief, ladies and gentlemen. Chris Eccleston under a bunch of stuff. Oh, turds. You know, I think this was the one, Eric, didn't we see this in theaters together super high? Oh, yes, probably.

Because I was about to say, I don't think I ever saw it, but what you're describing sounds exactly right. That means you did. Oh, man. So until next week with Thor 2 and me and Eric having some memories kicked loose, I'm Andrew Jupin.

Steven Zadak. Eric Sisker. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. That was a hit-gum That was a headgum podcast. Thank you.