We Hate Movies - S12 Ep619: Thor: The Dark World

Episode Date: July 5, 2022

On this super-powered episode of the Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza, we're chatting about the D-grade MCU entry, Thor: The Dark World! Oh, if only they'd resisted the urge to shoehorn Loki into this film after his popularity skyrocketed! Why can't we see more of Asgard (or any of the other realms) and ignore all those Earth fools? And did they absolutely have to make the wonderful Christopher Eccleston act under all that makeup and spit all that fake language for dialogue? PLUS: David Bowie confirms that Moby is definitely not dating Natalie Portman on an all-new episode of David Bowie Updates! Catch our VIRTUAL LIVE SHOW where we're talking about Ghostbusters: Afterlife and doing a night-of virtual Q&A, on Friday, July 29th! Click here for tickets. Thor: The Dark World stars Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddelston, Stellan Skarsgård, Anthony Hopkins, Christopher Eccleston, Jaimie Alexander, Zachary Levi, Ray Stevenson, Tadanobu Asano, Idris Elba, Adele Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Kat Dennings, Alice Krige, and Rene Russo as Frigga; directed by Alan Taylor. Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new MINGO!, WHAT IF Donna?, Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm  Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, well, this is right near the bottom of the MCU barrel. It's Thor the Dark World. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steve at Saitakheim, Helen Flydoltenheim. Gazoon Tide. I'm Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. And we? Hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to Wii A movies.

Thank you for tuning in. As always, if you're here finding us because you're an MCU fanatic, strap in. We are fanatically talking. about Thor the Dark World from 2013 directed by Alan Taylor. Now I'm told this is chapter two of phase two of the MCU. Oh, is that true? I don't

know the phase. Well, the cool thing about this is all the things that happen in this movie get undone in like 39 seconds in the next one. That's very nice. Oh, really nice. What's the next one? A Ragnarok. The whole Loki thing where it's like, uh-oh, oh shit, Loki's

posing as Odin as the big beginning of the movie that gets done away within like 10 minutes now how do they explain that or what I didn't rewatch it but I reread it something something like Thor just finds out and then he confronts him and then like well where's Odin and

Odin's in Norway and then Odin just dies and then Kate Blanchett's like can we do the rest of the movie now please amazing that you were able to reread Thor Ragnarok before you got here on the Wikipedia yeah that's not the novelization no no now did you print that

on the train. No, I just parse through your documents, your business papers. This was a Saarne theaters for me. I believe, I said last week, I think it was, you and I, Eric, were very high, some Chris Cabin confections

may have been in the mix. Wasted on this movie. Yeah, yeah, totally. On paper, though, this movie seems like it would work for me, specifically as well, because it's like, okay, dark elves, there's like an albino sorcerer king that wants to take the throat. Yep. Yes, please. Sure. And I don't really get it in this movie. No, I would say the

my big problem with this is we always, uh, Marvel TV-I's movies. This is the most TV movie feeling of them to me. Really? What do you mean structurally cheapness? The look, the look specifically. I would say there's no like big peak. There's no big sequence where I'm like, holy fucking shit, they're doing it. But I would say the closest we get is the, the invasion of, uh, Meliketh the first time that he's invading. Asgard. And I like the design of the ships. Compliments end there.

Can I say the design? The fact that we have ships at all is kind of bothering me. Because starships and stuff, like, why is every single movie of this has to be identical. Every single one has to have spaceships float around. And it's like,

you can just have the dark elves be magic their way in. Give me a fantasy world. The frost giants of the first film I rewatched in preparation for this because I did also rewashed. Because I'm a journalist with the utmost attack redager. And

that movie I think is better. And the frost giants don't have spaceships to attack your fucking planets with. I am so tired of seeing spaceships attack planets. Well, all of these Marvel movies had to be science fictionized at some point. Because that is how

they bridge the gap between all of them. Space is involved in it. You know immediately in this movie that it's getting science fictionized because you see these dark elves, the masks look cool, the faceless little masks, but they're using blasters and lasers and stuff instead of just swords, which Krall did to great effect, but Krall took the time for you to go on that hero's journey and you got to see beautiful sprawling landscapes, different locales. And in this, it's the same boring fucking castle. You've got Earth, you've got Asgard, which is only one castle. And then you've got Svartlheim, which is Piss World for me. Like, it's... Spartleheim is the dark world one. Yeah, so it looks like somebody pissed on the camera and then you have to look at it. Oh, great.

It's a DC movie for fucking 20 minutes. You're not wrong, dude. It really, it gets that like piss green yellow. You're totally right. It's like, yeah, Ninja Turtle came on the lens. Biglick. Oh, no. Sorry, Alan. It's like an American movie trying to depict Mexico.

Yes, totally. Benicio de Toro was leading Josh Brolin through it. Dude, they must be hiring they were hiring Hopkins for just like these openings of like, in the time immemorial,

they were the dark elves. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. I'm a little on the fence. What do we think about them just being like, they're the dark elves? You know,

they're dark elves. They're not the Hafarians or like, I am fine with that and I feel like they should have rolled with it instead of having them be dark elves.

with science fiction nonsense I mean it's not even I mean that part is bothersome but the problem is like they're you have Christopher Ecclinson who's a really good actor and great actor can certainly play a villain

couldn't tell it was him couldn't tell it because he's under fucking three pounds of makeup and speak in a garbage language that no one ever fucking heard okay wait we got we got to address that dude the elvish here's the other part of this dude

don't try to fucking trick me to think I'm watching Lord of the Rings exactly Get that shit out of here. Have them speaking English the entire time. You're not Lord of the Rings. The Frost Giants of the first film spoke English. Yes.

The Asgardians speak English. Yes, which they shouldn't as well. It's a way to simplify it for me the dumb-ass audience. And you're just making it harder for Christopher Eccleson to do anything in this movie on top of the fact that there's 61 side characters that get more screen time than he does. That is a great point because you're not going to hit like a fluff, blah, blah, blah. The way you would hit revenge. Revenge.

Exactly. A fucking real word. Well, Eggleston is also known for talking fast. He, like, he, like, plays with language and tempo. And just for him to be like, you will die today. That's what's asked, too, is, like, through most of this performance, it's a garbage, fake language. And then when he does speak English, it's not even anything great. Get out of the way, Thor.

It's greeting cards for people you hate We'll get into it I don't understand like Even what the end game is Because usually like he Oh that's a different movie Oh yeah That's very true

It's like you know He gets the McGuff and the ether And it's like oh If he gets this certain spot Oh he got there but like it'll take a while longer So just you know It's just gonna eventually it's gonna fuck everything up But if it's you know

You wait around Oh boy you wait around It's going to fuck things up. This crimson piss is going to fuck your life up so good and hard. My God and heaven. Yeah, I mean, what, it's, can I, I guess the thing is, I like a little, a lot of the little touches in this. I like, I like the black hole grenades.

Those are fun. Those things like, like the little tiny touches are okay. It's just all of the movie sucks. Yes. Yeah. The meat of it sucks. Because we get the opening. It's Anthony Hopkins and he's telling about how the dark elves were pushed.

back by the Asgardians. Do you know where the Dark Elves came from, Steve? No. Darkness. Oh, God. It's literally, the opening line of this movie is Anthony Hopkins going, from Darkness, that came the Dark Elves. And I literally wrote great. What happened

to the rest of the elves? Did the Asgardians genocide them to? What of the Wood Elves, my good fellow? The Light Elves? The Light Elves is what you would love to say. And where be David the Gnome in all of this. But it's just the Elves. I have no quarry with you, David the Gnome. You and your fox could go. That's fantastic. I'm going to go back to starring on the Father Dalling Mysteries. But they're so ill-defined. The elves in general. Their entire culture, their entire thing is just so ill-defined. Well, it's been done so much better in other fantasy, Lord of the Rings. Big time. Even the Witcher TV show, I think he's doing a good job by elves. The big, like, problem with, like, Ecclinson's character and all of it is the motivation is, the motivation is,

you guessed it, power. I'm going to rule everything through power. Oh, that's a good idea, man. At least like, you know what, at least with Thanos and all that shit that just, it gets way too convoluted and overall does not work for me, whatever. But you know what he wants. He wants to get the fucking jewels in the gauntlet,

snap his fucking stubby little grape tootsie roll fingers and be done with it. And that's his mission. And it's a very clear thing. This is what he wants to do. This is just like, I want more power. And also, I'm pissed off at Asgard because Thor's dad was a dick to me and trapped me like in a thing. Thor's grandfather.

Odin's father. Because that's the other part of it. The narration later continues that he's just like, and the dark elves were being dick. So my dad came in. Show me a flashback of that sort of like a Bram Stoker's Dracula. Yeah. Give me some dude in this fucking red armor and paling elves.

And you're like, okay, I see what they mean. Oh, here comes Grandpa. You were always best with the sledge, the older. Take down them elves. Dude to be awesome. His leather face puts out his big, beefy arm. And he's like, eh, eh, and then like his sledgehammer flies into his hails. I mean, that's the leather face, much like Thor, like, not everyone can lift that chainsaw.

That's very true. People can't just lift it. You know what I mean? Many have tried. You can't be just beautifully swinging. it around like that. I mean, the guy's got grace. The fucking, the shot, literally the shot of Odin's

father when he's like, we have to keep the ether. It is like dead exactly that bitch who's like, we can't throw the ring in the fire. Exactly. It's like literally the same fucking shot. You're totally right. And it's like, okay, cool, we're just doing fantasy

nonsense. Apparently in, uh, I think they even filmed stuff where like something, something, Christopher Eccleson had a family and they all died and blah, blah, blah. So this is like a revenge trip for him. Now he didn't. Not in the movie. I would rather have that. And just your point of fantasy nonsense, I'd rather they lean into that. Yes. Oh, for sure.

Then lean into the sci-fi elements, then lean into the... Cat Dennings. That's this movie's greatest, well, I don't know, but it's one of its biggest mistakes is thinking anyone gives a shit about these earth characters. The greatest move the movie makes is taking the Jane character. Natalie

Portman to Asgard and removing the Earth component and just have a fucking other realms adventure with her. She should never go back to the movie should never go back to Earth. Honestly because it doesn't matter it's because I was reading a lot of stuff like oh blah blah blah blah like oh it's cool because

now Jane's the fish out of water in this one she's not. She's on Asgard for like nine and a half minutes. Alice Kriege is vaguely rude to her and that's it. And then she has to cower behind René Rousseau for 15 minutes. Exactly. I'd cower behind Renéreux so don't worry about it.

I'd let her protect me. It would be awesome. Oh, there you go. She's really protecting me. But if we had to, like there's like 17 like real characters in this movie because not only is it you got Thor,

you've got Adris Elba, you've got the Warriors three. That's three more right there. Three more dudes. You got Siff. You've got Jane. She's got to have her fucking friend Cat Dennings.

Kat Dennings gets an assistant. We're just, and we haven't even talked about the Dark Elves, like, you know what I mean? Like, this is, a movie should be like... Excuse me, Chris O'Dowd. Chris O'Dowd is... By the way, check in your elementary

school backyard there, you dig up a time capsule, you might find Chris Dowd in there. That's a way to perfectly crystallize that this movie came out when it did. Oh, this movie screams 2013 because Chris O'Dowd is in a fucking Hollywood motion picture. Absolutely. Nothing against him. I think he's

charming enough, but it's just like, whoa, whoa. I remember when they tried to He's just dropped in these, like, tiny roles in these movies, and he never got a chance to break and do his own thing. He literally did it ever, he was like, I do not remember making this movie. He's like, they had me for a day. And, like, I just, I do not remember the experience at all at this point. And again, why not give that those nine, those five to ten minutes he eats up in this movie to Malkeith, who's the villain?

You know what I mean? Or to, or even to, like, Thor and Jane, like, flesh that out more. Yeah. Or cast him as, as Darcy's assistant. yes because he's more compelling and interesting than the guy they got for that role well darcy's assistant needs to be somebody he needs to turn into like and then at the end he's fucking nova or something you know what i mean like that that way shapeshipped her if you're doing that as much as i wouldn't want i mean he's not like he's good in this remove stalin scars guard

completely for sure what is he doing in this excuse me he's showing ass he's showing some ass which i appreciate an eric showing ass and a see come on support At the same time, though, it's just fucking degrading. It's just like, here's this great actor, and it's like, run around Stonehenge, nude. And I guess all of that is because of, like, the effects of what happened to him in Avengers because, like, Loki's in his brain to a lot of that movie.

Can I just... Controlling him or whatever. Can I just watch a movie and get enjoyment out of it without having to pull up a roadmap? Yeah. Because, like, honestly, and, you know, I, you know, obviously I like certain sagas and stuff, like Star Wars or whatever.

but I need to be able to turn on one of these movies and enjoy it from start to finish and have an idea of what is occurring without knowing the overarching saga. This movie could work without doing any of that stuff but they decide to do that and Loki has no business in this movie I mean I'm sorry like and he tested

people loved him in Avengers through the roof they put him in this movie like he wasn't in the movie they're like got to bring back Loki like okay to do what and then he just he's in a cell throwing a cup for half the movie. We have to keep, again, cutting away from Malky. We're going to watch fucking Loki throw that cup one more time. That makes sense because I actually, like the first 45 minutes of this feels like a movie. Yes. Once Loki is unleashed and it becomes that thing

into the ending, I'm like, I don't care. Yep. I don't know what you're doing, but I do not give a shit about it. As soon as Loki is broken out of that prison, I was like, oh, this is the exact moment where detours from like a fine science fiction fantasy film into just MCU cookie cutter shit because he clearly has no business in this movie. In the last movie, in this saga, it's the Avengers, where he's

the bad guy and he's fucking defeated and bring him back to Asgard and he's just in jail. And this whole thing is like, well, he's a fan favorite. Okay, great. So is fucking Tony Stark. You didn't put him in this movie. You could have one scene with Loki where he's in jail. Maybe it's a next time gadget. You know what I mean?

Sure. Or the stinger. That's the stinger. That's the Stinger. The Stinger, like, oh, maybe he does trick Odin and it's like, oh, shit, what's going to happen with Loki? Because he doesn't do anything in this movie. He's supposed to have his silence of the lamb scene. And he doesn't even get that. Yes. It's literally him just in fucking talking to Rodeh Rousseau again. Yep. And I hate to harp on it. But I just feel like this could have been an outlet for them to do like a serious go to a fantasy film. And I feel like they're trying to gear up again with this. Is it Black Knight with Kit Harris? I don't think that's happening. It's not happening. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I think that's happening. It's probably not happening. Plus at tops. Maybe. It's not happening because he's now

going to do a snow show. Snow show. All right. I guess he would have to, it's like, what if now this is going to be crazy? What if he had more adventures and I was in it? And it was like John Snow being cool.

I was thinking, what if I had a job again? Totally weird idea. You pay me to be on television. What's sad is I'm not even against him, really. Okay. Hey, you can't, yeah. It stings a little bit, but you can say Game of Thrones presents snow. I don't like it, but I'm saying, is it just called snow?

I don't, I think that's the working title. I don't know what's going to happen. I think the head of HBO was on Ventrilla Boulevard. He got hit on a red light, and, uh, he had Harrington came out with a bucket and the water started cleaning his window. And he's like, oh, this is so fascinating to meet you again. I just had this great idea about John Snow after everything happens. Quick question. Would you like to buy this nice leather Eternals jacket from me? Oh, did you see the Eternals? No, nobody did. No, no, no. No, of course, not.

How about some more Game of Thrones? I also have this mix type, you could boy. I will say... They should call it the Knights Watch, by the way. That'd be cool. That's the thing. Like, as much as I thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly enjoyed Obi-1 Canobeeby. You got to call it something. We can't just be making shows with people's names. Like, Book of Boba-Fet, totally fine. The Mandalay. Laurean, totally fucking fun. But like, Hawkeye,

Obi-Wan Canovi. Loki. Yeah, yeah, like fucking come on. That's all SEO shit, I guarantee. I'd like at least a huge part of that. Yeah, of course it is. Yeah. You got to think about the hashtags. What I was getting at, though, it's like if this Black Knight thing happens. Right. And he's like Mr. Knight or whatever. And then he's just getting into a fucking Blade Runner car. It undercuts everything about that. You want to have some. I mean, you're right. And this should be,

I mean, I think, you know, we're doing this obviously because Thor, uh, Thor, Love and Thunder comes out this week. And they seem like they might be leaning a lot more into fantasy on that one. I'll wait. I'm holding my breath to see. I thought they were going to lean in like, oh, this one, Love and Thunder. It's got the cool logo. I thought we'd get like Prague Rock, maybe you'd really go for it.

That'd be nice. It's not seem like that's going to be the case. It's just the bait and switch. I have no idea what's going to happen. I mean, I know there's going to be a lot of soundtrack. That's for sure. It's a Tyco, a Tidi movie. They're going to get a big soundtrack.

It would it hurt you to put a little yes. I like Ragnarok. I like what he did with Ragnon. It's the best Thor movie for sure, but it's two movies wrapped together and that neither of them actually get completed. I haven't seen it since it came out, but I remember not liking it. I think I'm an outliner. No, I don't like it that much. That's why it's sort of like on the, yeah. It's just, it's literally two movies stitched together with like a bullshit like here's why he has to leave the Jeff Goldblum planet and go back to Asgard because K. Blanchet's destroying it. okay like fucking pick one dude seriously and the Hulk is just all in there and like why haven't we gotten a Hulk movie with Mark Ruffalo? That's like universal some weird. That's right fight right now they're not allowed to do it

okay yeah and they won't make I don't know whatever devil deal they made with Sony that they won't make with Universal or Universal won't make with them I don't know what it is and it's not like they have any like Thor plans in the war or Hulk plans in the works once the MCU comes to an end which God willing, with our efforts here today's, I hate.

I'm kidding, it's okay, I like a movie and it's all fucking great, and I love all... Newsflash, if all fat guys, didn't like a movie. Oh, yeah, totally history made. The end of the MCU, the Hulk just hitchhiking, here's your show. That'd be cool, dude. I'd be into that.

So whatever, so like he's... Thor is, I guess, after the events of the first movie, or they sub... The Wichini movie, why I liked it, is they figured out what to do with Helms, it's finally. The first movie, I think does a pretty good job with him, but it's kind of too broad of a character. He doesn't have it yet. He doesn't have the look. And I was thinking last night, if you took how he knew, by the time making Dark World, if you took how he knew

to play the character and the look of the character design itself, put it in Thor 2011 directed by Ken Branagh. That's an infinitely better movie because so much of why I do, I don't want to say I like the first Thor movie. It is, I think, better than this one. It has to be. There's a lot more, like, it feels a little more contained and yada yada, but like it just takes me,

he looks so terrible. Well, it's the eye, it's the fucking eyebrows. My God, the fucking blonde eyebrows. What were you thinking? Right, right. Exactly.

Maybe you should cast a blonde actor to play Thor one of these days. It looks like you put a roller of beige paint over his face. He looks like literally unsettling. Yeah. Good looking dude. Unsettling. Apparently couldn't find a single person to play that role.

besides him, need I remind you, there's Northern Europe. No one talks about it much, but it does exist. Did you say Australia? At least in this movie, this is his real hair that we're working with here. And his eyebrows or his eyebrows. But I mean, I think that, like, again, with the Wittini movie does, he's funny. He's able to be, like, more, like, witty and stuff and like, and not even, like, some of it is, you know, that same will that happen. But it is a lot of his good physical comedy, et cetera, et cetera.

Here, he's just kind of mopey this entire movie. Yep. The first movie, at least he's like, allowed and he has to learn to not be allowed. He's got the cockiness and that's what, like, fucks him over. But that's all, like, fun to watch. Here he's just mope in the entire movie. And it's, like, literally the same exact issue he had in the first movie. Like, it's just like, let's reheat the first one that nobody really liked.

But, like, I do how he never looks as hot in these three movies as he does in Black Hat. And that seems like they're leaving money on the table. Yep. I feel like if you had somehow harness that look into a Thor, you might have had a little bit more of a stronger pull. Well, what is the difference here? Short haircut? Oh, no.

He's got the shirt off. Oh. Yeah. He's got cum gutters in all three movies we're speaking of. Truly, truly. Currently in the film he's got his shirt off. He looks like with the hair, he looks like a romance novel cover.

Yes, which is good for this character. But he does give himself a little nipple bath at the start of his. He's been wet wetting up his nips. Because he got, the first thing, it's a battle on, I think, a von denheim or whatever. Vanenheim or whatever, yeah. Honestly, I think it's cool. It's next to Anaheim. It's just right.

It's just right. It's got a Vanaheim. Exactly. Still has the shitty. Come to Vanaheim. Anaheim's top van destination. That's that Orange County Republican politics. I was out there with fucking swords.

Well, that's, I mean, like even the fucking planet sound like the names of Prague rock albums. Yeah. Which fucking lean in. Into it, man. 70s sci-fi. I mean, not just sci-fi, but 70s like fantasy is fucking cool and psychedelic. And if they would have done a Thor movie with

insane visuals, him going on maybe, you know, stranger in a strange place, like, different continent. What am I doing? I have to figure this out. I have to out with this sorcerer or something. It's interesting. It's something instead of him worrying about

fucking Kat Denning's like fucking van back on Earth. Because it's a romantic comedy, Eric, don't you understand? I would love it to be a romantic comedy. Can we lean into anything? But that's the thing is, yeah, I can't decide. It's like, let's start as a romantic comedy and then

become an action movie and then a science fiction tale. But the Van der Heim thing, it's cool because it's like, okay, during the MCU, there's other worlds, obviously, and some of them are just having medieval fights. Sure. And that's kind of interesting and expansive of the

universe. It's what's, it's how, the movie should start is this scene. Because what they're doing here is it's like the final battle to bring peace to all the nine realms, which after the fucking bifrost was destroyed at the end of that first Thor movie and like the nine realms erupted in the chaos and yada yada. And now it's like this is the last battle. Here we are. After we win this, it's going to bring peace again and blah, blah, blah. And it's fucking great because it starts off with like SIF and the three warriors. And they're doing their thing. It's a great name for a band, by the way. Oh, yeah. And they're fighting all these folks and whatnot. And then it's like, when it seems, oh, shit, all is lost. In comes Thor.

And, like, that's how you start these movies. Yes, yes. And there's the big stone gorilla, and he beats him in one shot. I read on the trivia that this is modeled after Thor apparently defeats a similar Glep-Glop character in his very first comic appearance. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Pretty sweet.

And I guess this. rock monster thing. It's a rock monster is the same race of Gleepglops that Tyca's character in Ragnarok is. It did look familiar. Yeah. And I think the character design is interesting and I think it's a fun moment of, this is probably the best moment of the movie. It's pretty rad. He uses his hammer and knock this dude into pebbles. And I crack a grin and that's the last one of the film. Because he says, oh, I'm here to accept your surrender and everybody laughs.

And it's like, no, no, I'm going to beat the shit out of this. guy. And that's the problem. Like, they leave Krogan or whomever. And he's like, I will stay here. I'm like, who are you? Oh, Hogan. Hogan. Okay. Even better. Yeah. Yeah. Him too. They leave him both there. It's Bob Crane. Oh, shit.

Hogan. Oh, because people forget Colonel Klink is also an Asgard. Oh, big time. But I think the thing is Hogan, it's his home world. Sure. So, and that's like, because there's that quick scene where Thor is just like, oh, yes.

mighty Hogan, we have done well today. You and your heroes can stay in your home. He says something about like, this is your homeland. Why don't you stay and hang out with all your people and you know sort of like rebuild your town here that we clearly destroyed during all this. And it's a real like,

it fucking sucks for this guy playing Hogan because hey man, there's a million characters in this movie and we didn't have enough room for Lillel Hogan. Well that's, he should just be like, ah yes, you know what? Okay, actually everybody gathered. Okay, so Warriors' three stay here.

Cat Dennings. What do we get? Yeah, what don't you get Stellan scars as well? You can all help. Let's get the Stanley cameo out of the way right now. Hi,

standby. You can all put up the straw roofs on your homes and then park your starships outside of them. I just don't get it. It's a little much. I like that Stanley's cameo. Like you don't even give him in a close-up. Yeah. He's kind of like in the background like, hey, can I have my shoe back?

Yeah. So they go back to, and like, the weird thing is, they go back to Asgard to celebrate this big victory. Shouldn't they be fucking and fighting like Klingons? You know what I mean? It's a very subdued. It's like a wine dinner with friends and like NorCal. I think they accidentally smoke some opium, dude. They're all really chill.

They were having more fun and drinking more ale at that diner on fucking earth in that first movie. Let's have a little fun. That's Loki's fucking Azga. you're talking about. That's another dream we're never going to have. This is they should be chugging and butt chugging. They do allude to Zachary Levi's character having

a threesome, which is something for a thing. Oh, I miss that. He's got the two ladies and he's like, come on, let's see. His character fan duel. But honestly, he's a recast, and Zachary Levi, I'm not a huge fan in general.

You didn't get into Chuck. No, I didn't get into I got the up chuck around the time that came out of drinking and partying and puking. I mean, it's like a fucking as guardian should. Thank you. We would like it. We would like it. Knock them out, please.

But like, fuck it. You're replacing the first guy was a nobody. I get it. But like it's a lateral move to leave. It's not, you're not going up or down. It's just like, that was a, you're going to chip off the budget right there for Zach Releva. Keep the fucking nothing. guy. Why do we hate

unknowns in this industry? Because they might want to fucking start a TV series with the Fandool. But this is 2013. This was before we were not there quite yet. We were taking the bad ideas and just making them TV shows. The Warriors Three are Hogan Fan duel and I guess what's the other guy? Staggfilm

is the third guy. Stag film is draft king. Yeah. Yeah. Stagg film is what's his face. Ray. Stevenson. Ray Stevenson. Also in the Marvel world as the Punisher. And the guy from Ichie the killer is the other one.

I forgot his name. The guy from Ichy the killer plays Hogan? Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, shit. I'm not sure if it is Ichie the killer, but he's in each of the killer. Oh, I see what you're saying.

But like, it's just, you know, everyone's having a good time and like SIF is like, hey, want to fuck. And he's like, I can't, oh, no, I can't do it. Which is, you're setting up this love triangle that goes nowhere. Nowhere at all. She's got like nine lines in the film. And again, just either leave her out or really do it. And I mean, here's the thing. In the comics, or maybe not, maybe they don't do it in the comics, but in like,

mythology lore or whatever. Maybe it is the comics. Thor and Siff or Mary. Yes. And it's the mythology at least for sure. So like, work that into, if you want like the rom-com part of it, actually build up the love triangle shit. Because, like, Thor does not even give this woman the time of day.

She's in an afterthought of this entire film. Yeah, they should have more of a Betty Don Draper situation going on here. They should already be married. And he's kind of stepping out with Jane. Yeah, yeah. Jane's like the substitute teacher. He's just forcing himself. Instead of the Metro North of this thing, he's on the bifrost, essentially.

I mean, I guess in the same, Haimdahl, Idris Elba, is a glorified Metro North conductor. Oh, big time. Tickets, please. I told you, this is to quiet car. Shut to fuck up. By the way, just looked it up, Chris Gavin. The guy who plays Hogan, Tadanobu Asanoon,

plays Kaki Harah in Ichin'Killard. He's the dude who's outlooking for E.C. Yes. Good poll, man. They fixed the bifrost in this movie, which means they got infrastructure passed in like two years. That's not bad. Not too shabby.

We can't because we can't get past of infrastructure because, Man stag It will not allow it Hearing those people Manch stag Yeah that's right But every month

I'll do a blank trek to Ukraine Yeah How are we gonna pay for that? No one's gonna ask about that We have to go out And we have to stop Cinemascont We gotta destroy her

She's gonna take us all down with her My God That cinema scant looks a lot Like those dark elves Just full of pure evil And stupid glasses But with polka dot dresses for some reason. Now horses, now your horse can ride the bifference.

Man, you know, under Trump, it felt like we were held hostage by a maniac, but it's almost worse being held hostage by like a senile old man. A person who keeps on falling asleep. Like either slit my throat or move on. But, you know, and like Anthony Hopkins, like you got to move on at some point. You know, this, and this should be the. focus of the film because it's like it's a mortal. She's not going to last forever.

You know what I mean? It's a Highlander situation here, man. Because that Thorcock we learn in this film, I don't know if we learned it earlier. Last 5,000 years. Nice, dude. 5,000 years of cockening. And then she's going to die in like a hundred. Yeah. I mean, also, and we've, as

the trailers for the new way they told us, he has a phenomenal cock. Yeah. It's just, they just left fucking ruined it for you. Is that right? Oh, what is someone looking? He's naked at some point? Zeus, Russell Crow, Zeus, which is the only reason I'm watching the movie. Throws a bolt and it takes all his clothes off and the entire stadium is like,

oh! Well, I mean, that's what, I mean, and I think Natalie Portman is a fantastic actress, but her character is just like drooling over this dude's thick dick the whole movie and she can never, like, she's either like, oh my God, you're so handsome or here's some science bullshit nonsense. And she's got no character.

She's got no in between. The suggestion at the beginning of it when we stood before it, like actually kicks off is that she literally misses her so much. She kind of tries to kill herself. Yeah. She throws herself down the fucking center of a goddamn, uh, uh, uh, what's it called the staircase to go through the portal. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, she throws herself off it, like, and then she goes into a dark place and gets infused with blood. Is that what happened?

I don't think that happened. She, she, she, doesn't she go through the portal? No, no, there's a critter hole. There's like a whole. Yes. It's like Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom and she's like, oh, there's bugs in this one. That's what I remember.

That's another portal. It's in the same area. There's some fucking like London Park parking lot or storage area where they find this thing. They find these kids and the kids are dropping shit. Yes. You are remembering that part right. The stair thing. She's trying to kill herself. She doesn't go

through it at that point. There's another point later in the fucking scene. I wanted to kill myself. She's like walking through the parking lot and she's like, what's that noise? And she could sucked through the portal. Because part of this movie is like all of the realms are lining up together and it's turning the universes into Swiss cheese

where like these portals are opening up and you can just fly through. This is the first taste of the multiverse type of shit. But also cool concept, but you got to define them realms. You got to have like this realm looks like this. That realm looks like that. This realm, people walk upside down.

That realm everyone's an ape. Maybe this realm we can film outside with real air No, no, no, no, no. I'll tell you what, that's another thing in favor of Thor, 2011. We are outside quite a bit in that movie. Yes, we're in, like, really in Arizona and Santa Fe or wherever. But then they realize you'd have to hire a few extra people versus a computer, which is no fucking union, so let's rip it.

The other thing is so, like, yeah, while she, it's not a suicide attempt, but you're right in that her motivation as we meet her in this movie is just, at first you're like, oh, okay, she's doing more research and blah, blah, blah, but the research is all Thorba. Trying to figure out how to get back to Thor. Because you can't figure out why he didn't return because she doesn't know about the bifrost

and yada yada, but like, it's all about, oh, I just wish I could get back to Thor not anything to do with like furthering my scientific research. And she just doesn't have a character. And like, it's a great actress. She's an Academy awarding actress and she's just meat. Obsessed with Thor. That's her

characteristic and she's obsessed with fucking Thor. She has blushes and like faints every time this guy looks at her. And it's like, I know he's hot the movie. I've gotten it. Let's like move on from that. She is absolutely defined as meat. I agree. I go side. Anybody else remember when Moby pretended that he dated her?

Oh, God. Yeah, yeah. I don't think for him taking the swing. I don't think we talk about that. If that happened to me, you would never see. Like if I was, because he said, pretend to he dated her. She's like, no, he didn't. And then he had to apologize. If I apologized after that, you would never

see me again. I'd be like, there'd be like blurry pictures of me pumping gas in Nevada. Like that's, that would be what same exciting. Exactly. That's what Moby should be doing. He starts growing hair all of a sudden. You'll never see him again. But the funny thing is, he's gone. That is not

the most embarrassing thing associated with dudes being in love with this woman. I mean, Portman really does it to them. I don't know what it is. Jonathan's Saffron for his wife. Yeah. Just left his wife. It was like, we're getting

married, we're in love. And this woman sounds extremely loud and incredibly stupid. And this woman had to be like, what the fuck are you talking about? That's insane. It's just, she's the holy grail to people, dude, and you just got to fucking chill out. But I'm glad Moby got

taken down a few notches, because that guy's ego. I once saw David Bowie in concert opening for Moby. No way. That is the state of our culture, folks. Bowie, hello everyone. I want to be clear. I want to be clear that Natalie Portman

and Moby are not dating and now here's my song from Lost Highway. That song slaps by the way. The I'm deranged. Killer. Killer. Oh, that whole soundtrack. Yes, Romstein included. Oh, yeah. They just

released it on vinyl, dude. You can pick it out. I actually bought the earlier version on vinyl, which is kind of the regular, dagular. It's not the tie die. I also have to, I guess I have to do this before every concert. Moby is also not dating

the Olson twins. Here's a list of the ladies that Moby is not dating that he says he is. Normally my concerts come with all sorts of cool video, audio things going all around. I'm going to be singing all my hits

while looking at a list of scrolling names of men who are not dating Moby. You know what, let's go through strike through a couple bands, Varouca Salt, none of them. He didn't date any of them. Sleetor Kinney, none of them.

Perhaps it's just easier to tell you who he is dating. Okay, no one. He's a lonely old DJ. He's just a little guy that people don't like. Oh, and what's that a thunderstorm interrupting my set? Okay, then, Chirio, I guess I'm gone for the night. You'll miss 20 minutes of that.

You'll never get back in your life, Eric Siska. Here's Moby once the storm clears. Oh, God. No! Yeah, because it was outside. I would come back, but I know you're here for Moby. That was the vibe, and it was dire, dude, and that's the arts. You should have just left, dude.

That's the a aughts for you. Did you sit through the Moby performance? Yes, I did. Eric Siska, maybe you could date Moby. He's certainly single. He's been stringing along a bookstore manager for about 15 years. Her name is Susan. And she's actually quite sweet.

But it keeps going on and on about Natalie Portman. I'm sorry, Moby, but you are the phantom menace in this scenario. Moby, you should be pumping gas in Las Vegas. Here's Queen Bitch for Susan. You'll never understand. You'll never guess what happens in a Wii A movies episode. David Bowie on Thor 2. There you go.

I think that's worth five stars wherever you're going. review the show but yeah so she's like trying to date Chris O'Dowd this is humiliate Chris O'Dowd needs to be like hey you know what clearly you're not ready for whatever this is I'm just gonna go

he does that sort of but then Cat Denning shows up and I mean like the movie doesn't need Cat Dennings I have no real strong opinions on her one way or another I don't like her in these movies that's kind of all I've ever really she's inserted for comic relief and she's never once in my life or hers

made me laugh. She's got one okay line in this when she says how's space. But, you know, I don't have any acts to grind against her. I just don't think she particularly works in this movie. She's upset in the movie. The movie doesn't have room for her, so the movie shouldn't offer

her room. You know what I mean? I'd be, fucking two broke girls ran for what, 27 seasons. I don't even fucking know. felt like it. She's just doing fine. Do not worry about, you know. he's doing five. Cat Dennings also isn't dating Moby. Just a little Moby fact from your old pal David Bowie. You know, she's dating Andrew W.K. Which would have been good on that line of that.

Yes. Engaged, yeah. But she's like, oh. W.K. and Kat Dennings. No. Yeah. Well, apparently they're partying hard. Yeah. Get ready to party hard. He gets wet. He does get wet. He does. Yeah. She gets, she doesn't, but he does. Yes. She drags her out. And like we say, said they go to this fucking car park. Because some fucking bleep bloop device has gone off. And she's just like, oh, look at this. The readings are going crazy. We haven't seen readings like this since our boss went banana ball.

Could you imagine like Thor has to cross some infinite psychedelic desert? No, let's have a parking lot in London. That's the center of most of the movie. Yep. Eric, you are dreaming of the Joe Dorowski, Thor, too, that we will never get. I know. But we are, I mean, it's always in my heart. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

Can't wait for that documentary Hodorowski's Thor. We all's cool drawings for Asgard. Yes, actually, we had George Harrison was going to be Maliketh. Until he died about 10 years before this was even conceived. Playing a dark elf or something. Steve had the point earlier that like Asgard is one castle. Yeah. I would love to see more.

Like, go in, what are the side streets? Is it Castle Planet? Yeah. Are we talking Castle Planet? Yeah. Because that's what's kind of rad. You get a similar moment, like what we're talking about here in Black Panther. Yeah.

Where she takes him around like downtown Wakanda and they're going to like walking around. Yeah. And he's like, oh, cool. Like, this is how people live in in Wakanda. And you get to like see that going on. Yeah. We are never anywhere really in Asgard except for the bifrost and the fucking towers above the city. And it's been so long since I've seen.

seen Black Panther, but like the one one guy's dying and he's seeing like the moons and shit and all the colors. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's fucking striking. It's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. The visuals of their like afterlife realization. Which you could have absolutely have done in this franchise, this mini franchise within a franchise that is Thor. Yeah. That's a great way to describe these things.

Right. Like mini franchises inside the larger like MCU franchise. Because there's four Thor's and then there's other movies. There's four Thor's. what, three Captain America's, three Ironmans? It's a studio that's only franchises. What if instead of doing movies, we did franchises? But that's the ingenious way of this design, because it's like, you can't criticize Last Boy Scout

if you liked Air Force One because they're all in the same world. Oh, man, if I got a Last Boy Scout too by Tony Scott, I'd be much happier, man. Air Force One is not that. I would. But I'm just saying, like, if they somehow tethered together every 90s,

action movie. That's sort of what this is. If Harrison Ford was the president in the last boy scout, Harrison Ford is the president in executive decision. And that's the football that Damon Wayans tosses at the end is saving President Harrison

Ford's life. That's right. That's exciting. Thank you so much, Damon Wayans. And now I got to go catch a plane called Air Force One in theaters this summer. Sure hope there's no secret terrorists on it. Five movie.

And instead of Infinity Stones, people just collected C4, I guess. I don't know. Yes, that would be a beautiful thing. A stinger scene of every movie where some guys pick it up C4. Ha, ha, got it. I got the gray C4. I also got the gray C4 in the last movie, too. And then five movies in, they combine all the C4, and it goes exploding.

That's cool. It's not any different. No. Just really quickly, I don't know. I feel like I have to address the issue here as President Harrison Ford. I am not dating Natalie Portman put that out there. I don't care what Moby tells you. We never want to double date with her.

So, yeah, she does get, you know, sucked into the other realm. Like, there's some funny stuff about, like, things are disappearing in this, like, time loop kind of a thing. And, like, sometimes things come back. Sometimes they don't. Yeah, it's a pretty neat thing that apparently was ripped right from the Animatrix. That's fun. It's literally like kids doing exactly that to some sort of wormhole. And then like they literally meet like the oldest of the kids who tells them what went down just like what happens here.

It's kind of wild. The oldest kid in the group is like, hey, Natalie Portman. Well, one, are you dating Moby? But two, we found a hole in space. No, I am not. I got down. I don't know how that. I know how that started.

Hey, hey, Neo, Tully Portman. what you should be doing that shouldn't be doing that Meetolee Fortman is kind of great Moby's kind of a guy that models himself after the Matrix a little bit Oh yeah for sure My head and oh I can't eat animals Because you know they're putting black goop in it

He does look like a dude that sleeps in a tub of jelly Yeah I bet he does Keeps them nice and smooth Just want to be clear he sleeps in the tub of jelly alone Moby dating update from David Bowie. You can't fit two people inside a

jellybed? Without getting jellybelly. Welcome back to David Bowie's jelly bed. I do not know what that show would be about actually. I don't know if it's reality.

I don't know if it's reality. I don't... Docutainment. David Bowie's jelly bed. Now that I've had sex with Mick Jagger, who is next? Stay tuned. Welcome back to Portmanteau. Oh, totally.

Totally. Where we are dedicated to all fetishes around Natalie Portmante. Portmanteau. Ouch. It's so awesome. It's so awesome. But she goes into a vague space and vaguely gets infected with the ather, which also, ladies and gentlemen,

I don't know if you know this. It's the Red Infinity Stone and Jelly form. Oh. By the way, if you have chicken pox, the ather virus is already inside of you. So, yeah, the crimson piss stone is the reality stone. Is it, is so the red one with the red, does Stanoz put that in the freezer at some point?

Is that how that works? That sounds right. Oh, son of a bitch, this one turned into a jello shot. God damn it. Alan, Alan, why didn't we get the rubber ones that you just push them out? I don't know, Thanos. I'm sorry. Why can we, I fucking hate cracking these. stings fucking goddammer it's summer just put it in the fridge honey

fine god damn it takes fucking forever to get anything done put it next to your snickers bars in the freezer i hope nobody chops my head off i am trying to destroy half the universe i cannot have a leaky infinity stone i swear to god oh oh it came right through the back it's all over the carpet on the floor of the car oh my god it's finite it's finite on the carpet I've got to explain this to you. Okay. You cannot leave it out after you take it out. It starts to melt. You have to put it

in the glove. What the fuck is wrong with you? Shocking that I think the sting, there's no stinger about the Infinity Stone in this, is there? Oh, there is. Oh, man. All the shit with fucking Benicio. He's like, oh, the collector. Yeah, yeah. Because they're like, oh,

we can't have, basically at the end that they give it off. I thought I was waiting for the scooter guy to show up. Oh, no, no. Scooter guy. He just says like, oh, you know, here's a collector. you hold on to the Infinity Stone. The red one because we've got the blue one on Asgard. We shouldn't have two together. It seems pretty fucking stupid. It does. Let me just sell it to some guy off the highway. So, I mean, of all the people you're going to give this thing to. Right. Take a look at Benicio del Toro in these movies, man. I wouldn't trust that guy with an Infinity Stone. Little low two. He'll be and he says one down, five to go, which kind of doesn't make any sense. But sure. I think it's one of those things. where it was like, oh, maybe the collector's

going to be the one to do. No, no, no, we're going to do Thanos and sit. All right. Well, sorry, but he'd be something if he had the glove and he was like reconstructing it to get the value higher. Yeah. But no. He's turned out to be like a good guy. It's been a while for Guardians.

Yeah, they rough. I think they rough him up. I think he might die. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And he's in, he's definitely an end game for like two seconds. I think he could, he dies. He's related to Goldblum's character. I think they're brothers. Is this the IT. Aren't we all related in the MCU?

But so now she's got this stuff. And Hemdall, it's like this weird thing. Like after the party, Thor goes up to Hemdoll who can see everything. Hemsworth, actually. No, no, no, no, no, no. Hemdall is the... Hemdall. I think it's Heimdahl.

Heimdahl. That'll stop the confusion. Heimdall. H-E-I-M. Also sounds like a record that Camel or Caravan put out. Yep. Yes. Oh, which I would love to pump right now.

Who can always see what's going on. And I think that the idea store comes down every now and he goes, yo, is she showering or what? That's definitely what's going on. Well, maybe not that. It's like, oh, is she fucking seeing somebody? Oh, she's on a date, isn't she?

Oh, oh, wait. Oh, it's Chris O'Dowd, never mind. All I can tell you with my all-seeing eyes that she is certainly not dating Moby. End of update. But he keeps on saying it. I mean, literally to anyone who will listen. Oh, yeah, he's a bit of a peeper, isn't he?

He's just watching. That's disgusting. Even the all-seeing-eye of Heimdahl says, you can't date Moby. But when she goes behind the thing, he's like, I can't see her. That draws Thor to Earth and, you know, they meet up again. Thor before you go to Earth, Moby's a virgin.

I got to say the thing about Heimdahl, that guy, unreliable staff worker on Asgard. Absolutely. He's always betraying everybody every year, every other movie. Odin's whole thing is like, you know what, Thor? Close for business, dude. You are not to go back to Earth. Fuck this.

Yeah. And he's like, got it. Hey, I'm dog. My girlfriend might be in some trouble, man. And she might be dating Moby. Let me get down to earth to suss out what's going on. Moby. Go right ahead.

And, but he goes down there. She, like, slaps him, but then it's like, but then she's like, wow, you're so hot. Oh, my gosh. I'm only 40 years old. And I've, like, again, she acts like a little, little kid around him. And it's very silly. Because I think that's the relationship, right? Because at this point, he's like a mega pedophile. That's true. He's a thousand. She's 36. You were born, but a blink of an eye ago. And that turns me on. Me and my Aussie hog. I mean, as Guardian. All right, all right, all right. That's why he wants to get older and he stays the same age. It's the other way around, you see. Those earth birds. Oh shit, man, a fucking reverse Wooderson.

I did a couple of those one time. Of a diving board. But so like, it turns out with that whole thing also was like what was two seconds for Jane was actually five hours. Sure. So Darcy has like called the cops and whatnot

because when Jane, gets back to the parking lot that 40% of this movie takes place in. She's like, you called the fucking cops? You called the fucking cops? And she's like, you were gone for five hours, lady? I mean, I'd still be a little pissed. You called the fucking cops,

man? Get the head of that place. I know we're going portal crazy here. Well, I guess because it's the British cops that can't instantly shoot you and they show up. That's a fair point. Yeah, it's the Bobby's. It is wild, though, like, because the cops are all like, hold it right there, Thor. And I'd be like,

man, don't you know that this is Thor? What are you going to do, Bobby? Yeah, I mean, because, wait, what happened? They've watched the TV. They've seen Avengers. We've all seen the Avengers at this point. Avengers has happened, yes. Okay, well, I guess they don't know which side he was on. He's also a space alien. We were actually pro the hole.

We were into the hole in the sky. We like that. There's some UK vote like Brexit. That's just pro-hole. Holes it. We actually like Loki. We think he's pretty cool. Listen, we were going to get a discount on the Chitari. They were going to kill the Irish for us. But never got there.

You know, the Chitari are coming in to the UK, stealing all the jobs for farmers, by the way. Loki was going to get us free Tesco sandwiches every month. What are you going to do? But, you know, they're like, hey, stop right there. And I think a cop gets close to her. Yes. And a vague red mist blows everybody up, but not really. the thing, if you

figured this out a little better so it was like, oh, it's kind of like a geez, dare I say it, like a venom situation, where there's like a sentient thing inside her that knows to, because what it's doing, it's like the ether is defending itself, defending its host, and like doing

this big, she turns into like a big red fireball kind of thing. Yeah. The dudes go flying or whatever. The Thor is like, oh man, I am not going to be able to have sex with this. Better take you up to Asgard to figure out What's wrong with your noggin? Now we know you think this is Scarlet Witch.

It looks exactly like Scarlet Witch. But don't worry. Wait, two more movies. We got you. We got you. Don't worry about it. I forgot about the red flakes in that movie, man. Every fucking wear.

This wakes up Mal Keith from like used in suspended animation. This sleep helmet he's got going. I'd like this sleep set up. I'm getting closer and closer. I got a sleep mask. I got headphones. Give me the fucking metal. I'm doing the full mask.

I'm doing sleep. Dude, I do the mask. You start with that. That it's this. that it's the other thing. You guys are cautionary tales. Oh, yeah, dude. It could get much worse.

I don't want the mask. I want the apparatus that, like, just suspends you and puts you out for good. Well, like the bed from crimes of the future. Well, yeah. Hey, yeah.

That seems nice. I got to get it calibrated, though. Oh, yeah. It's really cool, though. So, Malkeith, the big villain he wakes out. He goes to. He was somebody.

And he goes, he looks at the cursed, right? He goes, Mach luch flash, you do, gee, j-j-j-j-d-do. And then everyone in the theater went, yeah, what? Oh, good. I know language for me to learn.

Oh, Elven seven. I mean, I forget if they were dark elves or not, but like fucking Hellboy too. Yeah. Oh, dude. Better use. Yes, these guys came out of fucking Guillermo del Toro's garage sale. Exactly. Totally. Exactly.

And it's just like, give me something. He does that. Whatever that language is, then he drives his fucking, you know, black Buick into a fucking house. And that's the fucking movie. That's it. That is the movie. That is the movie. Here's a wild thing to toss out.

Because this is tied with another one of these things as the short. I think it's actually the Louis Littier Incredible Hulk as like the shortest. of these movies at an hour and 55 minutes. Now, the traditional kvetching on this show over the years, of course, and rightfully, is expanded runtimes. Now, I'm not saying

you need some sort of end game-esque runtime. Hero of God, an Eternal's runtime. If this were a little longer, would it help? Or is it too far gone? It's too far gone. It's because you spend your time on the wrong things. You know what I mean? Like, you need to pick a direction and make

it. You could make a fine two-hour Thor, the Dark World. You just did not do that. That is very true. But if they had 15 more minutes, would it have hurt? No, I agree. So it's hard to tell. I don't want movies to be longer necessarily unless they're good movies. Sure. You know, people, we get into that with like, oh, it should be as long as Star Wars, which is true for a blockbuster, I feel, but like I'm not denouncing something like the Irishman, for instance. I want longer movies. I'm not against long. RR.R.R. amazing. Yeah, yeah. Certain directors can handle the heft and know that they can

pace three hours out. That's not a problem. If you can't pace an hour and 55 minutes, which they can't in this case, then like, why would I give you any more time? Even if the story doesn't make sense to me, like it's not even that. It's the movie itself is boring. It's like

loaning somebody more money with somebody who's bad with money. You know what I mean? Like you're going to waste it. Yeah. And the funny thing, too, I wonder if there's people thinking like, you know, well you guys watch like foreign films all the time with subtitles like what is the difference the difference is when you're watching a foreign film

traditionally the person speaking the language they know how to speak the language and it's a real language and they've grown up with it or whatever this is a fake language that actors have learned to just enunciate whatever these fake words are and in that I feel like as an actor you're already doing so many mental gymnastics

just to make that sound fucking real but then having to like emote and get it because what he's saying in this scene is like hey great I'm awake I want revenge I'm gonna go after Asgard and get my revenge and that should be this big it's the call to action for the villainous and the other thing

and like Ecclesinger's can't get there no one could get there No one can imagine Ricardo Montelban and Wrath of Khan instead of being like revenge best deserved call he had to be like Abagu da di ta ta cha cha cha cha Who gives a fuck

Yes, and then he sends his minions in. Well, because seriously, I thought of these little buttons are going together you. Oh, Captain Kirk, you will wake up with a butt plug in the exhaust pipe of the enterprise. Then you will see James Kirk. Oh, don't you see, Spock. Some of them are wearing Oshkosh, bagash. Aren't they adorable? I am Khan, son of groom.

And the thing is... God, that's gross. Gave rise during the eugenics wars of the 90s. I think the thing with that, though, is, like, with Star Trek, you know, I never have beef with the Klingons. And sometimes you'll get a little Vulcan with subtitles. Like, motion picture starts out with some subtitled Vulcan. But, like, it's brief, man. It doesn't make the character.

It's 70% of Eccleson's performance is in a fucking bullshit language. That's the problem. Yeah, for sure. But getting the Klingon part, like, in those TOS movies, a lot of the Klingons are just direct allegories for like the Soviet Union. Yeah. So you're, as an audience in America at least, you're bringing your own preconceptions that help fill out that

world and that weird language. And this, it's like, no one has a tether to these dark elves. As much as I want to, as much as a person that's read fantasy for a long time. Absolutely. Well, you can do, like, I don't, like the elven part of it doesn't even

really fucking matter to me. It's like, Chris Alkleston, if you want him to be the villain, you can let him be the villain. talk the way he wants to talk, let him have those. But the decision clearly was made. We don't want this villain to be interesting, really. Like, we want Thor to be interesting and Loki to be interesting. We're not really going to make fucking Maliki interesting.

I think Steve mentioned it earlier, knock Loki out of this and spend a minute developing your fucking antagonist. Exactly. Well, I mean, the thing is, like, with what you just said, Chris, like, I don't know, it's possible to find both John McLean and Hans Gruber incredibly captivating character. Exactly. And like, you know, you don't know a ton about Hans Gruber in that movie, but you know enough that it feels like a character.

You live with the character enough. And he's speaking a language you fucking understand, a real language, you know what I mean? Like there's ways to do it. So it's odd, you know, you're sort of making it sound crazy. And I don't know, but like that decision to be like, we're going to have a wholly uninteresting villain so we could like fill in all this like Thor firework. Because I don't think they really care about. I really don't. I think it's a reason to get to a plot point that they

need to get to. At the end, in the big credits call Christopher Eccleson just beats out Kat Dennings in the rankings. And he shouldn't. Honestly, he shouldn't. In terms of screen time, Kat Dennings should be above him. I know he was, I don't know who was originally supposed to play, but he was a last

minute replacement. Somebody else was supposed to play him. And from what I read, it was Eccleson was like, I don't know, I'm bored. Marble asked me to be in a movie. A full CGI character, you know, like a Jar Jar Binks type of Oh, nothing. You know what? I'll say this. I just

rewatched it recently. Ultron is a much more interesting villain. Here's the thing is like, Spader. Yes. Yeah, yeah. And then I haven't seen it since the theater. But I remember that being a, I know people hate it, but I remember that being one of the better. I enjoy it. I enjoy that movie. I got to rewatch it. I'll take team. But the whole thing, what

you're right is Spader because they let Spader do the Spader thing. You're not letting Chris Eccleston do the Chris Eccleston thing. Can you imagine if James Spader is voicing that robot in that movie and he's got like four lines that you can understand? That's what's, I mean, I've only seen Ultron one time and it was a bad theater experience. And that guy fell asleep in it.

The security guard, the security guard for the early screening. It was like a Thursday night's screen. The security god fucking fell asleep. If it's Chris Eccleson doing what he does best, is it going to be like, so Thor, Jane and Malkith get an apartment together? and then they're fast friends, but they're kind of shitty to each other. And then Malkeith withdraws from the group

and slowly starts moving into the attic and drilling holes in there. They get into a lot of trouble at the end of them. He gets up in Odin's special room up there where he... Well, I mean, right there. Shallow grave, Danny Boyle, great movie. Back when that guy was making good movies.

But even if Malkeith or whatever his name is, tried to... Malachi throne. Try to pretend to be good. At least that's something. That's also something. So Jane goes to fucking Asgard. Alice Crege, hello.

Hi. Is this Alice scenes deleted creedger? I can't imagine you hire this actress a known commodity, like a known face or whatever, not a commodity, a known face, known talent. And she plays this fucking nameless nurse that, yeah, like Steve said earlier, makes a couple of snotty comments to Natalie Portman, and that's the movie.

Well, Friga, we had to make peace. with the Borg Queen. We had to do it. We didn't want to, you know, Borg Thor to happen. Oh, shit. That's a better movie, man.

That'd be something. That'd be something. You're both right. Oh, yes. Thank you. Because he doesn't, look, in the first, in the first movie,

Anthony Hopkins is snarling and snap it all over it. There's only one here when he sees Loki, when he goes, your birthright is today. Which is like so Anthony Hopkins. Like, ooh.

That's what you want out of him Exactly, yeah Let Hopkins do the Hopkins thing It just All you had to do Was not make the stupid language And like Ethelston talk Like even

Like Hopkins who I like enough In both those movies I'd prefer someone else I'd prefer like a fucking A Cox No Fuck

Seventh Seal Oh Max von Sider Oh sure Right I could see that area I mean now Now we're a close Closer to Norway.

Which is, by the way. It's closer to Norway here. Unforgivable to get that close. Look out. I mean, he would actually, I mean, the bail looks pretty good, but he would have made a good Gore the Godkiller. Yeah.

I mean, he's on side of it. Yeah, Von Seidot. He's got the build for it. Yeah, I'm going to play Gore the God killer and something called Thor something, something. Oh, they're going to turn me black and white like I love. So whatever. Alice Creege is like, hey, this thing's part of her.

Odin calls Natalie Portman a goat. She's not too thrilled about that. It's one of those weird like, oh, no, this lady's mouthing off to Odin because she doesn't know who he is. And I'm like, I don't want any of that. It's just, she's not, this movie's not for her, man. And again, I really like her as an actress. I really do.

This movie's not for her. Nope. Which, you know, the funny thing is, man, like as we're, I'm like the eve of this new movie coming out where she like comes back Thor powers. I mean like I hope she was game for this because it sort of looks like there's going to be even more screen time. Again, I think that maybe it's just

the script and it's the directing and everything else. She's just an actress that, you know, just needs to care. And maybe because also like this movie it's like, you like you like Thor, that's the motivation. And this one's like, hey, you have the Thor hammer, you could do shit. Sure. That's true. So hopefully she gets to like sing a little more. Also, you're going to be in a Tyco

YTD movie and not an Alan Taylor movie. There is that little tiny thing. Sure, but I still have zero hope. I really, I mean, like, in general, like, I'm waiting to be surprised by Marvel movies going forward. Most of them, I'm going to assume, are not good. But hey, because I haven't liked one in so long. And you know, it's okay to like it, folks. It's okay to fully subscribe to the monoculture and say, just eat any slop that give you. Some slop's

good. Some slop is good. Some is named ambulance. And it's not bad. Top Gun Maverick. That is slop. That is slop and a half, and I will have a second portion. I love that American boy, Tom Groves. It's got a little syrup in the slop there. It's nice. Ooh, you got some syrup in your slop, Moby. So the whole thing here, she's on this fucking bed.

She's being analyzed by Alice Crege. Alice Creas. She's like, I don't know, man. You look pretty fucked up to me. Not sure what we can do about it. Anthony Hopkins blusters in. Someone tries to touch her. And then she does the big red explosion thing again.

And now Odin is like, say, oh, I'm interested. now in this movie a little bit, so he's like, not accepting of her by any means, but he's like, how did that get inside you, girl? And, you know, all that shit. He's like, my father, well, he tried to hide this really good. You

had to go and find it. Look, it was too powerful. He had to keep it. It's not like a little tiny goblin creature tried to take back the red crimson piss from him. And with the red crimson piss, too, I mean, again, this is

Like, he's like, oh, yes, the ether. Well, you know what the ether could do, child. It could bring the universe back under the control of darkness. And that kind of shit is just as bland and meaningless as power. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. I don't know what darkness means in that context. I don't.

So, like, there's more, the elves are in control. Is it, I guess the idea now, I don't know for sure. Now is the idea to obliterate all life. Like the natural state of the universe, as we know, is pure darkness. Sure. We should all be dead. None of us should fucking exist. I've thought that since the day I was born.

Well, yeah, it's all understood. But is that the end game here? Is this like the dark elves want to open up their own stuff? You know what I mean? They want to open a Ramada ins. They want to open up staples.

They don't tell me that. They say they want darkness. Yeah. I have to fucking fill in the mind. The darkness is totally vague. Yeah, that's what I'm also getting at. And yeah.

And then they change it. And he's like, well, actually, I just want to align the nine. realms so that I can I guess invade them even though I got my ass owned by

this old piece of shit back in the day yeah I'm gonna take on nine fucking realms I the dark elf king there were sex of like Christianity back in the day that thought like the human body was terror like your body is shit and we need to

end it to get on to the next phase isn't that one of Catholics believe the Catholic's killed them all, I think back in sort of like Heaven's Gate people? Sort of, yeah, but they existed they've existed throughout all of time but I'm just saying they're right.

So you want to start your own Heaven's Gate? I want to start my own Heaven's Gate. All right. Oh, the other thing too, is Thor is like something, something the Dark Elves and Odin is like, oh yeah, the Dark Elves, they're all dead. Yeah. And he's like, are you sure about that, Dad? And he's like, yeah, well, my father committed genocide on them. Except for the strong

one, which we shoved into a locker in outer space. And all of his most loyal supporters. Dad, I've seen a movie before. I'm pretty sure if I saw Dark Devils earlier, we're going to see Dark Elves. No, no, no, I got rid of them all. Don't worry about it. It's also disturbing that it's like,

this is an irredeemable race, which we've tried to do genocides against. And now I'm going to finish the job, dear old dad. It's flirting with what Ragnarok also firsts with a lot better, but Ragnarok also drops that ball, which is like the Colonyal The, yeah, the Asgardian as a colonial race

That's like blah blah blah And like that doesn't get resolved In that movie either But at least it it spells it out They don't aware of it I hate to like even try to make things longer Like we talked about runtimes Give me a Asgard TV show

I know we have Loki that's sword Not really that But like let me know what this fucking society was Because I feel like the MCU hinges On me giving a fuck about it But I don't even know what it is Yeah, get BBC's Odin Anthony Hopkins

Honestly, if you can get Anthony Hopkins chewing scenery as Odin for seven episodes, I will tune in. That would be kind of something. Not bad. I mean, the closest thing you kind of get in this era, this, you know, pre-Disney Plus was that agents of shield show. Right. In where, like, they would sometimes, yeah, no, it's something. Wait, wait, what's that? Got it.

The wet stuff. Oh, what I think David Bowie's weighing in. Oh, yeah. Natalie Paul. I just want to be clear that Moby's also not dating the lead girl from Agents of Shield But in that show

There would be episodes that Like if the season was around When a movie came out Like there's an episode of Agents of Shield Where it's all about them Assigned to clean up the mess From the end of this movie in England Oh interesting. Yeah I didn't know that

And so there's like shit going on where there's like a stray I don't remember if it's like a dark elf or an Asgardian they're like chasing somebody around who shouldn't be there so sometimes the show would do that

actually SIF appears maybe it's actually in that episode so that's like the closest I think you could have come there was if you gave Sif and the Warriors 3 there their own kind of thing and it's like they're like

the sheriff of Asgard and doing shit get him out of my movie you can put him wherever else you want how about that put it anywhere pal he's taken out of the movie the worst editing. I posted this.

You're right. It's bad, dude. It's just, it's literally just Natalie Portman and Chris Helmsworth about to kiss each other. Yeah. He explains something to her. She kisses him and then she's like, I like the way you explain things. There's five edits in two fucking people kissing. Yes. And it does. I saw your post. It looks awkward because they like, they cut closer and you kind of just zoomed or something or, like, yeah. And maybe it's like, maybe there was like three different reshoots for the fucking kiss. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know.

Like make a movie. How about you just make a movie? You know what I mean? Not even Moby had three shots at that case. Look, what if we made a movie that's all coverage? It's just, it's all coverage. Just all the different stuff you could do. But then the fucking, uh, the, the cursed breaks into the Asgardian jail cell.

And this is the big breakout scene. And this is the big assault on Asgard. scene and some of it's okay I think that these sex mask wearing dark elves are kind of cool I love those masks because I like sex masks to be clear I like that Maliketh turns this dude

basically into a suicide bomber yeah like yeah that's cool because he like shoves some like you know incendiary device inside this gleepe gloop thing and then the dude gets himself arrested it's a lot like the dark night with sure is Joker getting put in there

and we're going to break out from that Malachi put a Malachi, I don't know what his guy is. He put a cell phone in his flesh that's ringing to set off the bomb. It's full of crimson piss. Got all these kids out there in America today just drinking

just drinking crimson piss man. It's the worst Mountain Dewflay. But we could change it if you just vote. Just give me $7 and vote. Just vote a little harder. Seven dollars. Don't pitch in. Don't vote for Red Piss Mountain. do. Vote for blue come

Mountain Dew. When you flip a switch into voting booth or you're filling that little hole, just do it a little harder. I voted so hard today, dude. Like, I hope the president is happy with it. I voted so hard today. Nancy Pelosi eats another fucking ice cream sandwich over it.

Every time, every time I feel somebody vote, I feel the idea that I might get hard again. Just the idea comes in my brain every time you push it. Hey, Dr. Jill! bunch of people are voting. Better act on this.

We're almost that quarter mast, honey. My cord pops tingling, sweetheart. Hunter, get in here with that penis pump. I know you got it. My dingling, my dingling. Let me tell you. You got one of them drugs that makes you hard all the time. Dang it.

I was going to get hard, but Joe Manson ruined it. Came in and took my boner away. It's hard to see. We're the sun down faster on average. Asgard or the United States of America. But this is a big fucking action scene. Some of it's okay. Some of it's not, you know?

It's just fine. You know, I like seeing guys in armor. Sure. They look like they might wield swords, but don't worry, they won't. They have little blasters. Only, only Loki has the dagger. I can, I can understand, like, you want to maybe show one of these societies who've progressed. Why are you wearing the giant helmets then?

Well, that's a thing. I mean, also, like, if the dark elves have guns, why wouldn't, as, I mean, everyone seems to have laser blasters. Wouldn't it be a disadvantage for Asgardians to not wield laser blasters? I guess because it's heritage, not hate, or whatever, that that's why they're wearing all this stuff. I don't get it. I would love to see a fucking sword fight. Because the Guardians of the Galaxy could just show up and blasts the shit out all these fucking swordfight dudes.

Yep, exactly. Yeah, but blasters are not your birthright. Yeah, I feel like Asgard should be in another dimension. That'd be cool. And we are using swords in that dimension. and then they cross over to, you know, Earth people and now space guys attack Earth people. So now that's how you bridge those worlds.

Well, Renee Russo gets stabbed. That's something. Great. Oh, yeah, Maliki's fucking stabs her right through the back. What's her name Friga? Frigga. My wife Frigga, Frigga. Fuck me, Frigga.

Friggin, Frigga. Both movies, she should have more to do, I feel. Yeah, of course she should. It's fucking Renee Rousseau. She's great. I like her having a fight scene with Maliketh. That's a nice little backforth. It wasn't that he just takes her.

Like, that would have been shitty. That she can actually fight a little bit showing that she actually beats him until. But Natalie Portman's also cowering in the corner of doing that. Can't win. Well, you know, Friggas are fucking magic-tested warrior. Natalie Portman's pretending to be a scientist. Well, yes, though, of course I taught freaking Frigga to fight.

Oh, I'm just here for the kiss. I'll be hiding at the corner. Frigger, use the other end of your sword on me. Frigger. Pick me, Frigger. I'm opening for you. Frigger.

Frigger. Did you ever date Moby? That's not how he did it. David Bowie updates. René Russo never dated Moby. You opened the Moby biography. There's a whole chapter saying the Renee years.

you know one time I was at a party and all these ladies were like fighting over me and I was like oh my god dude I am dating Natalie Portman please relax take it easy Renee Russo I mean I look like you know the nightmare version of a college DJ and everybody wants that so uh you know he certainly does man I woke up one morning I had like 20 messages on my phone from Pamela Anderson and I'm like, lady, leave it alone. I'm dating Natalie Portman. We're at the Olive Garden and in walks Gwen Stefani, Renée Russo, and just, you know, listen, it was Britney Spears, okay?

They were all coming up to me. And I was like, ladies, I know I'm alone at this Olive Garden, but Natalie Portman, who I'm dating is in the bathroom. No, I can't let all of you Hawaiian tropic girls live with me for a month. I have to, my beautiful Natalie. I turned down every Dallas Cowboy cheerleader at the same time

what with dating Natalie Portman. I couldn't fuck all of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders or the Dallas Cowboys I wasn't free to fuck anybody because I was dating Natalie Portman. I think we just caught you in a lie, Moby.

David Bowie investigates. Arrest him. Now on with the concert. He's Doreen. That show was kind of cool, though, because Bowie was talking to God throughout the set. Oh, that's nice. Because the thunder was rolling.

Oh, that's pretty cool. You got, uh, strike me down, you weakling. Oh, I'll lick your vein with my tongue. Which he did do. Oh, that's pretty nice. I got to see him give tongue. Nice, yes. I loved it.

So she's dead. Thor blasts Malkeith in the face with his hammer, which makes him look a little closer to how he looks in the comics. He's got like a weird like half-face thing going on. And also obnoxiously making it harder to tell that it's Chris Eckleston under all of that. More makeup, dude. God damn. Just fucking pile it on,

baby. Now Chris, when we put all this on, you remember, we need you to talk slower. Even slower, Christopher. I think I'm going to get Eric with this one. I kind of like the Thor outfit in this with the chain mail arms going on. It's pretty cool. It's a pretty cool. It's a pretty cool outfit. You know, because it changes. every movie, it's a little different.

I like this look. I'm much more into this than, I'm sure there's going to be reasons and very funny reasons. Oh, you're going to be laughing your tits off, dude. Why he looks like a yoga teacher now. But like, I'm like, I like Thor being Thor. Like, of the few things I like about this shit,

like, I like the costume and the guy. But remember Asgard doesn't matter. It's true. It's very true. So it's like, hey, dad. Hey, dad. Why don't we, you know, what do we go fight Malkeith? It's like, no, no, he'll come.

He'll, no, no, we'll come to us because we have the ether here. It's like, but that's going to put Jane and Asgard in danger. It's like, well, you have to keep her here. And this is when we have a 20 minute sequence because we need to get SIF involved. And we need to get those fucking Warriors three. Yep. And they all, and we have to get Loki involved as well. Of course.

They all need to get together and eat up some clock in this movie to escape Asgard. It's all of a sudden like this weird, cute ocean. 11 jailbreak movie and I was like, boom, boom, pop, what are we doing? I wish. I wish if a fucking

like a change of score like that might have pepped up my step might have got me re-engaged. But it's also like that's something that you would do for the end of your movie, not the middle or even the beginning of the middle. You know what I mean? Like, well this just feels like the end of the movie.

Like the fucking, it's the siege of God fucking Asgard. You're mentioning music. I'm like, I don't even remember what this was. Was it like faux? It's just all score. It's all score. All these movies are, right? Well, no, Ragnarok, he throws in the classic rock.

He goes Guardians of the Galaxy. Which honestly, we need to do. Hey, hey, if this breakout scene into jail, if all of a sudden Thinley's jailbreak starts fucking pumping through. I'm really engaged. Hey, at least I like the fucking song. Or the Dropkick Murphy's cover of it, which is also pretty cool. And then suddenly you're cutting your movie to a rock song that's Pappy.

Yeah. Versus this. Well, exactly right. score is happening. The editing can change like pacing-wise and you'll feel something. It feels more energetic. It's also just weird because

up until we're like breaking out of Asgard this all just feels like the movie is still setting itself up. We're still trying to get the engine to turn over here in the car that is Thor the Dark World

and it's like this battle sequence like finally gets that going. and the engine turns over, but you're like an hour into this movie. I would like the rest of this movie because now Rainier Rousseau is dead. They give her a cool, cool Viking funeral points.

It's pretty great because actually, that's a nice moment of like, oh, we're in a different part of Asgard. You're seeing how they handle the dead. It's a fucking cool, like you think that the boat that she's on, you know, it's going to turn on fire

and then go off this waterfall and it flies over it and you see like her energy go up into this guy. It's fucking cool. And like, all that shit is ignored. This is what I wanted, like, spend time ingratiating with that society, even if it's courtroom bullshit or whatever that you might find. I got a way to stay on Asgard, dude. The villain isn't Malkith at all.

It's evil new stepmother, Alice Cree. She just sneaks on in. Starts jacking off Odin. It turns out to go a lifetime movie a little bit. Hell yeah, dude. The wrong new wife. The wrong new Asgardian queen. What, all right.

This is a kind of crazy idea. Just let me out for a second of this YouTube video. I'm making. What if we were making all these lifetime movies right? So like the wrong teacher, the wrong stepdad, the wrong neighbor, the wrong girlfriend, right? But they're all in the MCU.

So you have this woman dealing with the fact that her friend was murdered and then she stole the friend's baby, right? But she also could have been part of the blip. That's essential what Wanda vision was. Holy shit. Yeah, you're right. You know, you do

baby nap instead of my dead friend's it could be called like my friend's baby that got blipped. My friend's bliped baby. Here's what happens. The baby, folks at home, Frick out the baby got blipped. We did a lifetime movie on our top tier on Patreon called Baby Knapp. We reviewed this lifetime movie about a baby that gets napped and kidnapped.

A.k.a. born and missing, by the way. Blip nap would be cool because the baby reappears and if they can get it in time before the mom knows that it reappeared. Yep. Well, that's perfect. I mean, that really, because you would have to be right, right on time. It's like the hurricane heist. Perfect timing. Nobody's looking, nobody's looking about a baby nap at this moment. I like it. Everybody, everybody's disappearing into flakes.

I mean, in that movie, hang on, I'm sorry. In that movie Hurricane Heist, they are intentionally doing that during a hurricane. During the hurricane because it's the only time they could, are they Robin Fort Knox? It's something close to. Something big like that. Yes, it's like, and then the only time we could do it is during a hurricane. I thought it was just the thing where a bunch of bun, robbers didn't check the weather. They were checking the weather. Also, by the way, thinking about the blip now, like that would be a perfect time.

Like, you know, let's just say you're on a podcast and Eric Sisku's on that you want to murder him. The blip happens. He doesn't go away. I just stab you and put you in an alley. Like, I put you in a bunch of lie like, oh, you got blipped, dude. I don't know.

He was right here, blipped him right away. No, I watched him fade away like flakes. No, no. You got blipped like a day and a half after the blip. I guess there's more, there's like later blips going on it's like residual blips did anyone look at that oh man my ex-wife just

blipped away like six months after the blip it's like an afterquake that would be happening everywhere you're not able to prosecute murder for anything like no dude uh i'm i plead the blip sorry yeah please the blip i like that epstein that was the blip oh yeah he said a cell he got blipped

but then he came back and his neck was broken so it's like all these lawyers right they're trying to prosecute all these missing people, right? And it's like, it's kind of like law order, but in the MCU. But whatever. So like now we're escaping from Asgard with the help of Loki because there's something about Loki

was always escaping and all these like secret out secret exits. Yeah, something, something how did he get out the last time? I guess referring to the Avengers and or, yeah, I don't even know. Whatever. He was always getting out without Heimdahl's help. So how'd he do it? He knew one area

that he could go through, which is this tunnel and it takes you to piss world. but I mean it takes forever with all the fucking every single one of it because like they're we're cutting between like them talking about the heist and then it happening and it's like yeah and each one like of the Warriors three just like takes a bunch of guards out with honestly I feel like the further we get towards the climax the boring or the movie it does for me absolutely especially once we get like Thor and Loki in that spaceship together yes where it's like clearly like this pre-vis thing and they're reacting on a sound stage. stage, not knowing anything that's happening. And we feel so disconnected. It's not a sense of a cockpit or any disruptions in the ship. We're just cutting to them, showing them, and then showing

the destruction that's happening. And they, their reactions do not match what is happening on screen. Honestly, everything on the piss planet, if you just want to take all that out and get me a fucking intertitle and just explain to me what happened there, I'm fine. I'm really fine. It doesn't matter. don't know what happened. Loki is maybe

dead, but not really because we like him so he never dies. Their plan is like, oh, you know, Loki's going to team up with Thor because he loved his mother and there's and I mean, I do think that, you know, him and Hemsworth have a lot of chemistry and Hiddleston's awesome in these movies. Yeah. All, you know, truth be told, he is and he's good

on that show too. And he's actually, you know, it's awesome when he's an actor in real movies too. That's awesome. Yeah, yeah, that's a good one. Well, that's what I was laughing at because there's a effect shot in this where like, it's right here, basically, a little farther back. But it's when Thor goes to the cell

and he's trying to ask for Loki's help or whatever and Loki's very like, you know, standing there, strong-willed and whatever. And then he's like, cut the magic Loki. And he wipes it away. And like, I was laughing because the room is totally trashed. There's fucking food everywhere. Just books all over the place.

He's sitting on the floor. He looks like he's drunk. It's definitely only lovers left alive. Yes. Pretty fucking awesome. I will say about the escape from, you know, the palace and all that, when they steal the Elf spaceship

and he is flying that, we're doing all these like twists and turns through Asgard and whatnot. It's pretty cool, but it just feels to Star Wars. It does. It does. It's not this movie. That's my problem with the starships here, but this is after he committed, Malachi throne or whatever his name is, commits this 9-El, Elvin.

He crashes into everything. He crashes into the Asgardian Palace, which is very ill-defined. And the cursed guy destroys the shield. I mean, it's... Oh, yeah. It goes on for him. It protects Asgard, yad, yad, yad, it does not matter. I would like to put out there for clunkiest line of the movie.

Oh, I know where you're going. Is when Jane meets Loki and slaps him in the face and goes, that was for New York. Yeah. when you're with when you're we what was it uh you mess with one of us you mess with all of us totally they talked about the other movie thank god you know i will say i feel like we're we're talking about hittleston a little i feel like the loki show is better than any of these thor movies better than any of him i agree with that yeah i fell off of it which is not not because it was bad i just wasn't really watching i just think it's better than most of the i like the first three or four

episodes that I watch. I'm not saying it's the best thing ever either. I haven't seen an episode. I would say the only one of those I haven't watched is Captain American Winter Soldier. I watched the first episode. I saw that and I thought it was pretty bad. I was like prop a not for me, Ganda. That's no way.

But from the ones I have watched, I think Loki's probably second best. I do really like Hawkeye. Hawkeye, I think is the best. Moonlight is third and I haven't started watching Ms. Marvel yet, but I do intend Yeah, I really didn't like Moon Night.

I had so much potential, but it just did not get down. I really wanted to say more than it does. There's like two or three episodes where I was like, yeah, but like overall it didn't. So we're on Piss Planet. Yeah, got a big fight brew in here. Because it's just like, oh, we're on Piss Planet. And I guess the plan is for Malkeith is going to get the thing out of Jane. So that's going to solve that problem.

And then Thor is just going to destroy it. But whoops a doodle, he can't do that because it's an infinity. Jim masked as a ruby jolly rancher I think is how that works it's my understanding of it. Put on your pocket saved for another movie. Well it's just a weird like okay we're going to use this plan to draw you know Malachi is going to take her draw the ether out of her

and then yeah Thor is just going to go boom and like what punch a bunch of red gas They found ether in her Jack. They definitely did and they got it out. Mr. Thane How many licks does it get to the center of an infinity stone? One, two, three, three.

Sick. But, I mean, this whole thing is so dumb. It's a big, like, Loki ruse here where they fake cut off Thor's hand. Yeah, they pretend like it's a big fight between Thor and Loki, yada, yada. And it just doesn't, doesn't pan out. It winds up being, he takes the ether from her.

Now Malkyth has it. He basically leaves the planet and then Curse is fighting them and he kills Loki whilst Loki kills him. Now, no, what is this? Does he come back by the end? I forget her. Loki does, yes. Of course, he does.

Oh, right. He's owed and he's fake. He faked his death. Well, they bury Loki and I kind of want Natalie Portman to like piss on this grave. Like, that was for New York. There was that one moment where like they tell. Stellan Scarsguard that Loki's dead. He's like, oh, thank

God. Oh, my condolence. Oh, yeah, that's kind of funny. Yeah. So did they bury him? Is that right? They do bury him, I think, right? Or they... I do not remember. You think of Star Trek generations? He just sort of rots away or whatever. It's just... That's the thing is, with these movies, they wash over you.

They do. It's even after watching... I watched it last night. Can I... I was... I was not that drunk, okay? Okay. All right, all right. And I was taking little notes. And even I can't keep track I don't care. It's just, it's hard to care if you don't get me invested. Well, there's no engine

to this movie. Exactly. That's what keeps you out of it. There's no highs either. When Eccleston gets the ether like into him, by the way, I just wanted to point out that he sort of physically transforms a second time. Oh, Jesus. Making him look

even less like Christopher Eccleston. Just had to put that out there. We're putting more makeup on this motherfucker. They might as well cut his voice box out at one point. Oh, the ether makes him not able to talk anymore. Oh, he got punched in the throat by Thor. That's the end of that. That's the thing. Honestly,

you could have had a stunt man in that role. Easily. And it would have been fine. You'd save fucking a couple, you know, a hundred grand or whatever you paid this to. I can't name the elfman from Hellboy 2 either. Yes, exactly. Yeah, that's true. Oh, yeah, because he is, yeah, that dark

elf is like the main villain of that movie. Way better. Yeah. I feel now I haven't seen it in a while, but I felt like those fights, I could actually... Oh, Hellboy, too, is world's better. Thank you. Oh, he rocks. I actually, I rewatched it just recently. It fucking totally rocks. And you know what, that man has, Eric, that man has a sword that he kills people. Could you imagine, folks? I know he's only going up against guns and, like, what is it, like Nazi archaeology or something. Yeah, that's not right.

But the weird thing about the Hellboy franchise is those two movies, not the third one that was reboot, is you had an amazing director. Yeah. really cared about the properties. He really was a fan of the property. He cared about the property. Yeah, before it was even a thing. He was a big fan of the comic. And they just said, hey, man, go do it.

And then they just stayed out of his way and let him make two really, one, one and half really good. That first one, I really like that first one. I like the first one. The second one's amazing. I've come around and now the second one is, I think the second one is better now. Oh, big time. By the time, back when it was like I'd only seen them in theaters, I thought two was

lesser. Anyway, oh, where was it? Oh, well, actually, Hellboy is kind of a great example of all this because they fucked him and didn't let him do that third movie and that's why that 2019 Dave Harbor movie exists. And it's fucking terrible. Oh yeah, previous episode

if you haven't listened, folks. But you watch that and it's like, I can't tell one way or the other whether this director gives a fuck about this character at all. And like, that is why I think Yomalda Toro is one of our greatest working directors because everything he fucking makes from

his early shit in Mexico, like Kronos and whatnot, all the way up to Nightmare Alley you can tell. He loves what he's doing. He loves the story. He loves the characters. He loves the world that he's building. He's passionate. Yeah. The fucking world. You're right. The world you're building. I saw people like, you know, not be as into Nightmare Alley and that's fine, but you can't deny the scope of that vision. Very well-made movie.

I mean, whatever you said. I love it. You want some great Tom Hiddleson. Go watch Crimson Peak. Another movie. Yeah. Oh, people were like. Luke Warman, but I love it. I really like it, too. Terrence Davies, the deep Lucy, one of, like, the greatest British movies ever made. He's fucking great in that movie. He's fucking phenomenal.

And only lovers left alive. I'm going to say it again. Jeremy, these are great directors. A number one. And I mean, that's the thing is, we don't do that anymore. I mean, like, very rarely, like, we just give a director of property and then let him enjoy it or let them enjoy it. It's this weird workaround where it's like

Disney is kind of resurrecting the studio system. But without that craftsman trade of you're not able to work your way up anymore. So it's just these like five fart directors that are being circulated. So whatever whoops a doodle, Chris O'Dowdstone still in this movie and he

calls, he calls Natalie Portman on Piss Planet and she's like, how are you how do I have reception out here? Speaking of Eternals, this is just Kit Harrington calling and interrupting the movie. Yeah, you're right. Oh wow. Yeah. I totally forgot about that. Yeah, you're right. She finds a porthole to the

rest of the movie, which we've, because we've been kind of cutting back with toward and forth between Kat Dennings and her intern boyfriend and all this shit, which we're not going to get into, because it doesn't matter. We've talked enough. Nope. Stella Scarsgaard shows his butt with underwear on this time, which is nice, I suppose.

His undies are the color of the Swedish flag, which is pretty cool. He's a bit svelt in this film, actually. I guess he was getting naked, he was like, I have to do what? Oh, fine. Wow, my son is so goddamn hot. I should be. I guess a little hot shit. Yeah, he probably got some hot

tips from his son. Hey, Bill, teach me how to be hot. I mean, is, I haven't looked up the, the, is Stellen Scarsgard's wife, Athena, like the goddess Athena? Is that how that that dude got made? Because that doesn't make a lot of sense. Or Renee Rousseau.

Oh, could it be Rene Rousseau. Yeah, I fucked Renee Rousseau. Yeah, I can only imagine Alexander Scarred coming out of like a golden egg. That's about how I imagine he came into this world. I don't actually know the answer. I just know that Natalie Portman never dated Moby.

I like they get like a Norseish guy to play anything very much not related to Asgard. Which is fun. Actually, I mean, that is kind of a cool thing in that first movie that's not explored enough. It's him being like,

these are all figures from my childhood story. Yes. Yeah. It's a really lean into that. Like tell the movie through Dr. Eric Selvig's point of view. Yeah. That would be something. But, you know, he just shows up and now we are just gobbly gocking the rest of the movie. It's like

we have these ill-defined I mean, literally ill-defined rods that are the rest of the movie. It's like, if we get all these in one place, it's going to beat Malkeith. And I'm like, wait, how? Wait, what? And like none of it's like something, something gravity. Sure. They are counting on you not

paying attention to the movie anymore. Absolutely. Well, yeah, I mean, especially this because they did explain this stupid thing when they have a scene of Scarsguard in a capital L, capital B, looney bin when he's like explaining everything and he's like

see, this is the end of the movie. Don't you understand? This is where we get the Stan Lee cameo. I think you said it earlier. Oh, right. Yeah. Give me my shoe back or can I have my shoe back? He's doing a model of the shoes being like the convergence of these planets

and the realms. It's a weird thing where like they've already told you that he's been put away. You already know about the naked arrest or whatever. So this scene of him like just giving this monologue about his scientific theory and whatever and then the joke is supposed to be they cut

to the other angle and he's just in the looney bin and whatnot. But it's like the joke doesn't hit because I know where he is. You already told me what happened. I mean I guess the punchline is at Stanley you know what I mean? And maybe if they're going to start using like you know old footage of Stanley just to be these cameos, it'd be great. If he in every movie

World Movie going forward he's like can I have my shoe back? It's just like he's just kind of a crazy old man Hey it's shoe guy yeah Can I have my

Shut up in the Eternals Can I have my soul back Totally The answer is no Stan No you sold that long ago When you stole everyone else's fucking shit I'm sorry Ditko I'm sorry for it all

I'm sorry for what I did I'm keeping it in a jaw stand I look at your soul every once in a while makes me feel might be comfortable. So like, yeah, the last act is in London

and we've got to go back to this fucking it's not the same parking lot just I don't even know where we are outside. Well, the whole thing is they determine that in a neighborhood sort of outside

ish of London like city area. Greenwich, yes. Yeah, it's great to see that London looks terrible too. You know, because I know America looks boring and shitty, but it's cool to see the, you know, the UK have that as well.

It's essentially America, if it was, if all of America was Seattle. It's raining all the fucking time in that goddamn country. Do they fall in the egg at this point, this big egg building? I think that's where the Easter bunny lives. They're on the other side of the river from the egg, I think, because I read that this where the ship sort of pulls a speed

to and just starts driving from the water under the land is the British like Naval Academy or something like that. Yeah. And this last fight. It's just it's so it's all over the place. The elves are around like and like you know, Kat Dennings gets a couple of

them. She kisses the guy and the joke the quote unquote interesting thing about the movie, this last act is like we keep bouncing around in both on earth and in these other realms. Right. Because the Swiss cheesiness of these universe holes is like that's how we do

the fight scene between Thor and Malkith is like I punched you through a hole and now we're on this realm. I mean, this thing is like, it could have been cool if they went really trippy with it. Like, you know, use some colors and some vibrancy. I think you go back to Yodenheim, I believe, which is the Frost Giants place where Loki comes from. And like, that's just Hoth. And I saw that in the fucking first movie.

I heard somewhere there were nine of these worlds. Exactly. And we see three and a half at most. Is shit planet a realm or is that a different thing? No, yeah, that is a realm. Is that Vandalheim? No, it's one of the Himes. Vanaheim?

That's Svartlheim. Oh, sure. It's Piss Planet. They should just call it Piss Planet. It's a much easier to remember. But, and I mean, like, you know, this fight is going on. All this shit's happening. And, like, there's so little urgency that Thor takes the train.

And I know it's a joke. And we love that in Marvel movies to just cut out any fucking. Because the gag is he gets knocked on the subway. He's like, do you know which way? Greenwiches and like, they're like, oh, it's this way, it's three, it's three stops this way and like, it's just Thor taking the train and I get that that like is funny

but isn't the universe at stake? Like, you don't know what I mean? You told me that the universe is it's like the darkest hour you know, he's like take of the chase. Like, oh, this is what all you non-gods do to get around, hey? It's taking the subway, oh, the tube, excuse me.

Oh my God, he's just like me. I also take train. Ooh, he'd take train good He does And we have to remind that he's hot Because there's just some like sexy lady Oh, yes Oh my God, this guy's hot

Like she's like bumps into him And they have like a flirty look And it's like I got I've no I've realized that this man is attracted Wait, that doesn't happen to everyone on trains Just me I mean I get negative energy thrown at me from old ladies

Literally Well she's she's nagging you because she read the pickup artist's book. Hell yeah, that's true. That's true. I think some of the cooler kind of stuff that they wind up doing with the physics of the universe holes is like,

you know, when he's fighting Malkeith and like he throws the hammer at him and like misses and it goes into a hole and then like comes out another place or like it goes into space for a second there. Yeah, it goes like because it's trying to like it always goes back to Thor. So it's like a, oh, you're not on earth anymore.

I'm going to fly up this way into space. And then Thor goes back to Earth. and it's got to turn around, which is kind of funny. There's a little bit of that that sort of works. That stuff is fun. I mean, like, again, the British Air Force guys fly the jets through the hole, like, accidentally, it's like, what in the world is these?

I mean, this is also the future, I think, of Marvel. Portal fight, portal fights, dimension fights. You are really, in the next decade, you are going to see quite a lot of them, I got to tell you. Yeah. No, not super thrilled about that. I bet you that fucking quantum mania is nothing but. Yeah.

Oh, that's going to be rough. It's going to be rough because it's going to be annoyingly confusing like that. Also, you really get the vibe. None of them motherfuckers wanted to make that movie. Nope. So we shall see. I will say, get me a little more Michelle Pfeiffer in that third movie. Now we're talking.

We're not minded. Right? She was the wife that disappeared. Michael Douglas's wife. Yes, she was Michael Douglas's wife in the last outman. Michelle Pfeiffer has also never dated Moby. I don't even think. thinks she knows what songs he's done.

I wish David Bowie was alive to just tell us about the loser updates of the moment. Yeah, you know, and eventually like Malkeith is defeated. Originally. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Isn't that

something? Originally the thing was Thor was going to call upon lightning from all nine realms and destroy Malkeith that way. That's something. But instead, because it's like, well, no, the other human characters need to contribute. So he starts jabbing him with these ill-defined rods. And it's like, no, the rods are getting me.

And it's like, what the fuck? Damn it. The fucking space lightning made sense. The space lightning is cool. It's Thor. That's what you're there for. He wanted a big lightning strike, right? Like that'd be cool. As opposed to him just huck and fucking, I don't even like a pool umbrellas at him. Yeah.

Essentially. And he's like, isn't it the whole thing is he's essentially? like collapses in on himself like cursed. Yeah, he turns into like a big spaghetti guy. Oh, great. Fantastic. The funny thing though about because they're like, oh, to really get him, we got to get these rods like

nail him with these fuckers. And Thor's like, well, I'm the only one powerful enough to get to him because there's this big red cyclone going on. You have the scientific device that this someone is trying, this person is trying to get into the middle of a cyclone. This is just what they're trying to do in Twistkin.

It's just, it's the dust man and all the rest of them are trying to launch that Dorothy device. It's the same shit. Eric, Jane, get the Pepsi mobiles. We need them. And then Cariola goes, unrealized ideas. So yeah, he, I guess, gets blasted

back to the dark realm. Is that the idea? He does, and then he's on a ship and it explodes. There's like a double wammie. Oh, right, because the ship that he flew is going to fall on Thor but it falls through one of those portals and then falls on him in this other world. Stellen Scarsgard thought to like run

in and really do it with one of these poles so that like the hole was big enough that yeah that's right the whole ship collapses in and it like falls on his day and kills. But Thor the god of thunder actually pulling lightning from nine realms and killing the dude that killed his mother. Probably a better ending.

Yep. If you're the guy if you're the guy playing Ian the intern or any of these like even Stellen Scarsguard and fucking Darcy whatever name is. Cat Dennings, yes.

Like, I know you want to be in the movie and you like being in the movie. Sure. But I feel like it's kind of your responsibility to be like, and this isn't true I'm being facetious, but like, I don't know, man. I just wish someone was like, you know what? This is kind of dumb.

And we don't need to help out and you should have the God of Thunder Avengers' Mother's Death on the phone. That's it. That's all. got this one door we'll hang we'll hang back we had fun bits already there's a lot going on they could do something else fuck okay cat denning said no get another list of sitcom girls and call them all that exactly sitcom girls and then have them read because we're not getting rid of this shit was that that that sitcom probably came after this right she was still that was ever went on forever really went on forever really that thing i like just recently fucking ended right it was like two years ago oh sitcom

girls I have a list. Kaylee Cuoco didn't date Moby. Also, Alison Hannigan didn't date Moby. Julia Louis Dreyfus didn't date Moby. Two broke girls 2011 to 2017.

Wow, that was on. Well, so 2011 was actually a big year for her that show starts and the first Thor comes out. That's not too bad. She's testing well at the time. Katie Sagan, didn't date Moby. Courtney Cox She was called by Moby multiple times

Didn't Dayton Too busy with David Arquette Went right to voicemail Don't ask me About any of the women From ER Because I'm only talking about Those sweet sweet

Sitcom girls Now's like a David Sitcom girls Oh totally dude You're my sitcom girl Yeah I like this My sequel to fame Has just come out

The little China girl as well We can't sing that one as much anymore No, you definitely can't We're going to do a whole verse about Christina Applegate I went to Germany And I wrote a song called Sitcom Girls I ran out of all the coke in Los Angeles And I went to Berlin

Courtney Thornt Smith, this is for you Oh yes Oh yeah According to Jim, more like according to Courtney Let's here's a little something for that girl from Becker We'll go on to the saw movies Can't quite place the name According to Jim

According to Moby he's dated every woman on this planet Moby was closer to dating Jim Belushi than he was Dating Natalie Portman Oh dude Moby after the blip Oh no my girlfriend got blipped away Shit she was right here Oh no

She was so hot you should have seen her Yeah, any famous, like, attractive woman, he's like, oh, yeah, I was secretly dating her. Yeah, yeah, it just sucks. I'm sorry, yeah. Here's this picture. It's like cut out of a magazine. Costanza-wise. I think Moby might be music's biggest loser.

He's up there. This is a picture of me, David Bowie. This is not your girlfriend. This is what I did in 1975. This is me clearly dressed up as Ziggy Stardust. I wasn't your girlfriend then, and I'm not now. And now, well, we will never get back to that secret meatpacking nightclub. And so I was dressed up as Ziggy Stardust for this ad for Sizzler.

And you just cut it out as you're on. Well, Ziggy Stardos advertising Sizzler. That was a low point for Ziggy. It's always hot, baby. Whatever. A baked potato that will blow your fucking mind. They're deep frying the spiders for Mars. Can we have some deep fried spiders from Mars for the table?

Something, something. So everything all is well. Everyone's like, oh, we're sorry Jane Thor went away again. She's like, well, it's only been two days. And then the last scene is Thor, the last true scene of the movie, again, always need to specify this. The last real scene of your movie is Thor going to his father, Odin, saying, I'm renouncing the throne because I'd rather be a good man than a great king, which really kind of wasn't his journey in this movie. movie, but sure. Not at all. Not at all. It just wasn't. It just wasn't.

But it was your right. I mean, it would have been cool to see the pomp and circumstance of him trying to fill Odin's shoes and going through as guardian court and figuring it out. He learns that and then he decides, oh no, I want to be a hero instead. And that's like a movie. That's something. But

and then at the end, holy shit, it's Loki actually is Odin credits. That's going to be resolved in nine minutes in the next movie. And just because I don't know if anyone's wondering out there you want to specify that scene where it's like two days after the big adventure and they're telling Jane like don't wait for Thor and whatever

like two days later it is definitely Natalie Portman stars in wig factory oh yeah this thing it's bad it's a fucking SNL wig looks really terrible she must look like Moby under there it's even worse because

the real the stinger the first stinger as we talked about the collector blah blah blah it's uh just want to say about that scene one it's directed by james gun yes two the set looks like a fucking if you can imagine a cheaper power rangers tv set it looks so it's like it looks like it looks like it's like where's the middle ground it's either like these big computer painting sort of landscape things or tiny ass little cheap fucking tv sets no middle ground which one is the one with howard the duck is that gardens of the galaxy that's it gardens They go back and the Howard the Duck is there.

And is that in a stinger? Is that just part of the movie? The stinger, yeah. And it's Seth Green? Yes, I think he says like, let's just do that. That's a, that's a TV show. I would, I would watch that. But the true Stinger scene, which actually really completes the actual movie,

which is like Jane and Thor get together. But Natalie Portman wasn't around for the reshoot. So it's just Chris Hemsworth's wife making out with Chris Hemsworth. of that movie. That's literally because she's like, that's around Natalie Portman and they didn't fucking wrap the movie. You kind of don't need it either. You don't

get it next time. You know there's a next time. Or that needs to be the end of the movie is them ending on a big case. Not the, I should have to wait through the fucking production credits to see them complete that thing. Yeah. I mean, take the collector thing, put that at the very, very end. And this other scene, leave it in the movie before the credit. Because like if the whole

thing is he tells Odin like, hey man, I'm going to have to say Noah. That's a big no on me becoming the king of Asgard, dude. Sorry about that. And he's like, hey man, are you doing this for pussy? And he's like, no, she doesn't even know I'm here. I'm definitely, am I? Yeah, I'm definitely not doing this for pussy. Excellent. It turns out he is. And then it's like, okay, cool. Then the last shot is like what this is, which is she's sitting in her kitchen. I mean, I'd be shitting in her kitchen outside the window, the bifrost just opened up right there but like that he comes down and then they're just making out and it's like

I'm all right you know what I mean like there it is well it's like doing that officer in the gentleman scene in the middle of the credits like you know what I mean because that's the movie ends they're not together it's like oh that sucks oh no no but you you left it before the middle of the credits no he comes in and picks her up the factory puts the hat on that's right

love lips them up where they belong it's in the middle of the credits it's not in the movie it's in the middle of the credit oh did you go to the bathroom oh it was four minutes into the credits oh you missed the ending of an officer. Did you see, yeah, it sucks at the end of Crocodile. They don't get together.

Oh, no, no, no. If you went to the credits, he walks over people in the airport and they get together. It's really, really amazing. I don't have beef with stingers. I mean, you know, I will admit that when I see these movies,

half the time I have to text Steve immediately afterwards if he's not with me in the theater to be like, what fuck was that? And a lot of time, he's like, man, I don't even know. But like, if it's the logical conclusion of your film

does not a stinger make, put that in the end of the movie. Really bummed out by that Harry Met Sally. Everyone says a great romantic comedy and then New Year's Eve they just don't get together and they just ended. Oh my God. I mean, so you didn't say when she says, I hate you, I hate you Harry, you hate you, and then they start making out. When was that?

Oh, it was the end of the movie. It was like six minutes into the credits. Oh, no, it was on the credits that I logically left the fucking theater. Because it was all the cast and then we started to get into the production stuff and then when you get somewhere around gaffers, it just stopped and then the end of the movie happened. I mean, it was so, I mean, it was so sad how that movie ended with Claire Dane's just crying over Leonardo DiCaprio. Oh, you didn't watch into credits.

Oh, yeah, she kills her head right off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, she, uh, oh, yeah, she kills her. She does that, too. But the thing with the, you got to imagine it was, hey, uh, Alan, uh, hey, yeah, Chris Hemswood. Hey, how you doing? Alan, you see, I got an anniversary coming up and the lady would like to be an MCU technically so could you maybe, just for a scene,

could you maybe put her in? Happy anniversary, baby. She's like, what? And if you could, just, you know, just could you maybe call her Natalie? So since, since his- And Moby's like, say your wife is the same shape as Natalie Portman. You know, I dated her.

You throw all the hair in her face so you don't see her, yeah. I mean, if it, you know, so like Natalie wasn't available, right? We do this thing with the wife coming in. I mean, did they just like pull a green screen down like in their house? Yeah, definitely. Oh, definitely the fucking door costume on. They sent

like, you know, a couple of crew folk to sort of light it and camera operators and shit, but it's just like, yeah, you can do this from a backyard and then we'll have a barbecue. If not then they're definitely doing that now. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And that is blissfully the end of Thor, the Dark World.

Eric, we'll start with you. What do you think of the movie, man? I want to tell people that it's okay to not think about anything we said today. It's okay to like this movie. It's okay to like anything. We don't personally, viciously hate the MCU, just a few of the movies. An Iron Man 3 is our Patreon. Yes, it is. Coming out this month. That's right.

And we had a great time with it. And we all enjoyed Iron Man 3. But no, I don't enjoy this movie. I really, I really, I wanted something to hold on to. I revisited Thor 1 and I thought it was way better than this. That's my opinion. Take it if you want it or take it or leave a penny. Take a penny.

Whatever you want to do. Chris Cabin. Wow. Yeah, I'm going to say, no, it's a piece of shit. Just like, yeah. And I mean, like I like some NCU movies too, but it of course, I do very, very, very honestly believe it is a cancer on society. You know, like him if you like, but that's my personal opinion.

I, I, again, any highs, like anything to draw me, any, like the design of the ships and the way that they like crash into things is kind of the highlight of a two-hour movie made by the most powerful fucking company in the film company in this world. In the history of this world, I think we could say it this. ludicrous terrible movie Steve tell everybody about your chart I made a fun chart of all the Marvel movies that have come out and I

I do like a lot of them I kind of want to do a thought exercise like which ones do I like which ones I think are flawed and I wound up with like a you know you follow me on Twitter you can find it and this is my second to least this is the second to worst Marvel movie I think Eternal's is worse

because it's three hours and it's about characters I actually don't care about it all at least you've got you know Hemsworth is in this. You've got Natalie Portman, even though it's whatever. This is the second to worst because nobody gives the shit. Everyone is, everyone came out and hated this movie. Like,

Natalie Portman almost quit because Patty Jenkins was supposed to direct it. Even Chris Hemsworth said that this movie's just meh. Adress Elba's hated this movie. Chris Echolson hated this movie. Nobody enjoyed making this movie, but they had to make it. Alan Taylor is like, oh, they also, and this, the same fucking thing happened to Ramey and that's why

like, fool me once, man. You know, like he was like oh yeah i had a good time making the movie that i made and then what they locked me out of the editing room and made instead is not the movie i made and that's a real bummer and that was like ramey was like yeah i made a movie and now they're doing a bunch of reshoots and shit and i guess that's just what you do ramey at least had the edit his editor uh the guy who edits all of his he's like edit him for evil man like that's a thing but it was the same like these are notes and you will cater to the those things have to be in the movie yeah yeah it's a bummer it's uh i mean I think that Thor Ragnarok is the best of the Thor movies thus far,

and it's not even that good because it's a bit of a mess. But at least they get to a better place with the character and the world. And it is really colorful and interesting and the music. So hopefully Love and Thunder is the best of these movies. That's what I'm hoping for. Yeah, I mean, you know, until Eternals, this was my most disliked MCU, and now it is indeed in the second to last place. And there are things that I like here, and I've expressed them today.

a lot that's really cool about this. And it's just frustrating when you have a lot of cool elements and things like, you know, parts of the story and visual and characters that I all like and you can see everything there. And it's like, oh, this could all work. And then it just 100% does not. And it's executed so poorly and haphazardly

and it's very frustrating. This is the worst of the Thor movies so far. I cannot imagine, knock on wood here, that Love and Thunder is any worse than this. What a duke tastrophe. What a Moab Tastrophe. What did David Bowie think about this movie? He loved it.

Yeah, terrible taste of movies, that Bowie. That was the problem. He made good movies. He loved terrible movies. But that is going to do it for Alan Taylor's Thor Dark World or Thor The Dark World, I guess. But if you want more We Hate Movies, check out patreon.com slash we hate movies

where we have said this month, the We Love Movies episode there at the $5 level is indeed Ironman 3. MCU Love Fest this month as well. We already recorded it. We had a great time on that episode. The Mandarin impressions are flowing like cheap wine.

So enjoy. It's a lot of fun, honestly. We had a great time talking about that movie. Really fun. We did a Beverly Hills, Melro 210. We already got that guy in the can. That's a lot of Steve Sanders being humiliated on the Beverly Hills Neno 210 episode. Love it. That's what you

want. Who got in the Gleap Glossary in July? We are talking about four The, you know, droid bounty hunter that's got kind of a bughead, I believe he had a cameo in Obi-1, Canobi that he got shot. He survived. Thank God. Thank God. Goodness. Oh, thank God. Thank goodness that all the nine. Does he have a go fund me? I can get a news out of Dallas, for a long, husband, shot. Thankfully, the nine realms weren't in a line, so he's fine. But all that and more on patreon.com slash we hate movies. Now, Steve Sadek, the summer blockbuster extravaganza, which this episode is also a part of.

I don't know if I mentioned that. Continues next Tuesday, a new episode here on Wee Hey Movies. What are we talking about? Oh, if it was the early odds, you'd love it if I said, we're releasing the Crackin next week. Oh, hell yeah. Remember that was the big one, the big catchphrase from Clash of the Titans?

Oh, yeah. Now, this is a movie I have not seen because when I saw the first preview for it, I was like, absolutely not for me. I saw it in the theater because I'm a big fan. I'm going to revisit it leading up to this episode. You love a good sword and sandal picture. I love sword and sandals.

The Harry Henner, I was in like monsters and stuff. When I was in Berlin one time I got to see the models from this. Oh, nice. The Titans. I have a ton of fun with that weird claymation. Skellington type of sword and sandals. So it's going to be interesting to revisit that and this 2012 film we'll be talking about next week. So there you go, folks.

Until next week when we indeed. Release the Crackin. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Zadak. Eric, Cisker. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.