We Hate Movies - S12 Ep621: Clash of the Titans (2010)

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

On this episode, the 2022 Summer Blockbuster Extravaganza puts on its sandals and raises its sword to the sky as we chat about 2010's Clash of the Titans! Why is it that every monster in this movie had to be as big as a house, meanwhile most of Harryhausen's 1981 monsters are much smaller and way more terrifying? Why did we have to make this an edge lord revenge film instead of a fantasy/romance adventure? And did Ralph Fiennes really think he could play Hades just like he played Voldemort and no one would notice? PLUS: Much talk about Desmond Davis's totally kick-ass, original film from 1981! Be sure to catch our VIRTUAL LIVE SHOW where we're talking about Ghostbusters: Afterlife and doing a night-of virtual Q&A, on Friday, July 29th! Click here for tickets. Clash of the Titans stars Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Jason Flemyng, Gemma Arterton, Alexa Davalos, Mads Mikkelsen, Luke Evans, Liam Cunningham, and Nicholas Hoult; directed by Louis Leterrier. Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new Seagal Sucks, MINGO!, WHAT IF Donna?, Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm  Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on we hate movies, strap on your leather skirt and put on your open toe sandals because we're talking clash of the titans. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Eric Sordska. Cabinous. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in to another edition of the summer blockbuster extravaganza, 22. Yes, hello. We're talking. Louis LaTere is Clash of the Titans from 2010. I got to tell you, my Louis Leiterrier.

knowledge is just way off, because I keep getting him confused with Len Wiseman. I went to his IMDB on. This is the guy that did that shitty Total Recall remake. No, it's not. I was like, this is a guy, a couple of those underworld movies. No, it's not. I keep confusing

him with like a little French dog. Well, that's the thing. I don't, is it Laetriere or La terrier? Because if it's LaTereer, then definitely dog man. I thought it was like a sequel to AirBud where they meet a snooty French dog. Yeah, Airbud, European vacation. It's just a little it's a little like a puggle with a

fucking beret and a cigarette. Totally. This is Louis Littrier. And they're playing soccer still. Yeah. It's got to be soccer. This is our football. That's the only sport there is in France.

All about your piggyish American football. Louis Littier, the Incredible Hulk. That's right. Them transporter motion picture. That's correct as well. Some others. He gets around.

I mean, he is currently, of course. I mean, stay tuned in some fashion. or another, the newly installed director of Fast X. Oh, right. Is he really? Wow. Yep. Yep. Holy shit. I think I read that. I thought it was a joke.

No, dude. He's who stepped in. What's his face? He's used to handling old supernatural creatures, so him and Vin Diesel should get right along. He did that to all, it seems, all of those episodes of the Dark Crystal miniseries. Oh, really? That happened.

Oh, yeah. I let that fly right by. That's, like, just filming, like, very good puppet work. Like, I bet he's just like, yeah, yeah, that looks great. I will say, this movie is not good. It looks like nothing. It's a gray piece of shit. I've never seen the original, but I was-

Which fucking rules. I was surprised how many puppets were in this movie. How much wasn't exactly CGI. Pretty shocking. I was-shocking is the amount of puppets in the original. It's like all puppets. It's all-puffet. It's so fucking good.

want to urge people to seek out the 1981 film. I might do that because this movie was so almost okay. I was like, well, the original's got to be actually really good then. Can I tell you, Steve? That's literally what I did today. I watched this movie and I was like, well, I'm kind of surprised I didn't hate

it, but it's not a good movie in any capacity. And then the 1981 film is on HBO Max and I pop that sucker on. And it's a fun time. And the biggest difference there are a lot of them, but the biggest difference is that that movie is like

a fantasy, you know, adventure epic. This is like a dumb edge lord action movie. That's the biggest, like, taking itself so fucking seriously. A big time video game feels on this. This is very much, pick up the sword, you have a new shield, you got it

after defeating the megascorpion. Yeah, this movie has to be like revenge from my adopted family. We don't even see in the original movie. Nope. The original movie, it's just like basically a ticking clock like 30 days we have to sacrifice Queen Adromeda or Princess Andromeda to the Crackin

And that's just the way it goes Because a God said it So you got to do it And then it's just You know our main character Going on these quests To try to save this woman And he's kind of passive

About some things And it's just The dude by the way Playing him in that movie Harry Hamlet Oh wow And it's a wild It's hot back then

I'm sure it was. They filmed movie in 1970. A little hot madman, dude. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, they filmed this movie in 1979. He is shirtless through most of it. And I got to tell you, he's got to, Eric, let me see if you feel this way. He's got a real Jim Morrison thing going on that movie.

Yes. It's kind of weird. It's like Jim Morrison's swordfight and scorpions and shit. That sounds so much better. Similar nose, kind of a five o'clock shadowish thing. The haircut, definitely. It's really weird. This is Sam Worthington playing the Perseus character.

See, but I think we might have gotten better here. if Sam Worthington, or hey, we've got a lot of hunks here, Mads Mickelson, takes that, pop that shirt off, pop that plate off. Let me see him some chests here. I'm going to pop that plate off. Mads Mickelson. I was surprised. I mean, this movie obviously saw the film 300 hardcore.

Oh, totally. And it definitely watched the film 300. And that's, what, 2007? Yeah, some like that thing. So that's at least. And it's that. There's some Guillermo del Toroing going on some little cribbing from his Del Toro. It's also right after Avatar,

so we had to shove a 3D element in. Well, that's, yeah, that's what I put up my letterbox review. Like, this movie dates itself in two hilarious ways. One, yeah, it's 2010, so it was a rule. It was a fucking law of the movie gods that both

Sam Worthington and Gemma Arterton had to be in movies. So, like, if you look on both of their IMDBs, they both had like four or five movies in 2010 that they were in in one capacity or another. And then the other thing is, yeah, 2010 this movie's released, we are definitely aping for the fucking simps out

there that we're doing the post-production 3D conversion shit. You're seeing scorpions flying at the screen in this movie and it's just like, man, imagine those sons of bitches 12 years ago in the theater with the glasses on. I think I was one of those sons of bitches. Is that right? Pretty sure I did go see this. Yeah, I don't know if I did 3D

or not, but probably because now children listening who somehow stumbled on this, back then, almost every movie was getting a 3D release and it was dominating the screens you had an option to do 3D and it's cool because what it did was

and not only did it make the stuff jump off the screen it also made everything darker which was awesome I just made it like muddier and sheer and if you took off your glasses I hope you like fuzzy stuff it was also much more expensive which is always much nicer is when you can add

get more suckers in that's good what was that it was like $3 more or so at least yeah sometimes of five bucks and kids if you can even fucking believe it we were so so pathetically obsessed with 3D presentation back then for a small fashion

we started tricking people into buying TVs that could do it oh man yeah man oh man are those still out there like do you have to go to like a desert and like talk to a dealer who comes out of the stand Sony stopped making them I'm pretty sure I think I read something in the New York Times that those worked like

the Ridler TVs and Batman forever like they actually made you stupider There's a big expose That makes total sense Because the one guy I know that did buy one He was pretty dumb Speaking of pretty dumb This starts off with some narration here

We're learning from Gemma Rterton That Titans ruled the world Until well their kids Fucked it all up Well clearly she's going to be a major part of the film And we're all going to feel very deeply for her And now World War God commences Well it's cool because it's like all right

and then Zeus and Poseidon and their best buddy Hades all got together. Oh, yeah, the three bros. Exactly. It's like, oh, Zeus gets heaven. Poseid. Oh, he gets to water. 75% of the earth, that is. And then Hades, yeah, go down by those coats over there, Hades.

Just take a right down by those coats. Keep going. Keep going. It's also hilarious how this whole movie, like the antagonist is really Hades. Yeah, sure. Not in the original whatsoever. Hades is nowhere to be found. Not even mentioned.

Nope. Because, I mean, that's the weird part about making Zeus this, like, noble-ish figure. One, most of the gut stuff is clearly cut out. You have people like Luke Evans and Alexander Siddig just kind of, and even... Tertiary, yeah. Same lines. Danny Houston, like, around. Oh, Danny Houston as fucking Poseid.

I was an Aquaman. Yeah, but as Poseidon, fucking hilarious get up. Like, all scenes deleted, clearly. Yeah, like, uh, and just like, release the Crackin. And then they cut. Shouldn't that be my department as Poseidon? Oh, no, okay, the devil? I feel like we Christianized this lore here for the American audiences

where it's like, Zeus, there's clouds. They're like, God, God, and then Ray Find, yeah, he's like the devil, okay? Well, that's the thing, right? Because in the 81 film, when you see Mount Olympus and like the God office or whatever, it looks like the fucking fortress of solitude or something like that. And this is like white columns, the smoke to make clouds. And goddesses get a lot of input in that movie, which is something. Big time.

They're not even in this. That's what bummed me out about this movie. I like Greek mythology stuff. Not in a huge way. But I'm always interested in those dudes mix in and up and fucking turn people into cows and all sorts of crazy shit. And none of that's in this. And it's just sort of like a dumb, again, 300-ish actioner. Well, you do get, what if Ray finds you play Voldemort as if he was a member of my morning jacket.

You put the long hair on, you get the crappy beard. And you're, oh, shit. Do you know where I went? I am. He is doing that. He's doing the Voldemort voice. I'm like, you can't do that again. Dude, hang on, though.

It's not just he's doing the fucking voice, man. The whole thing is exactly Voldanort because at one point he's like, hey, man, I'm a little too. He's talking to the actual. oh fucker. So Sam Worthington's Pete Pulse the wait? No, no, no, no, no. But the the king of wherever is the king of Argos? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that guy. The guy that gets iced here, right? The guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's just talked. Oh, my God, I totally lost my fucking train of thought. Sorry.

Hades is doing Voldemmore. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's telling him, he's like, all right, listen, I'm kind of too weak right now. I need you to do all my dirty work while I build up my power. And that's exactly what Voldemort does over all of those movies. It's Justin. He's doing the Harry Potter voice. I will get you, Harry Potter. This is nothing like my character and Harry Potter.

All I want to do is kill the son of a very important, okay, you know what? You've got a little bit of a point there. All right, Harry Perseus? I mean, it's a math equation, right? Because they're just like, okay, that was popular. Put him in there. Liam Neeson's got his little Renaissance

concurrently happening. Was this the same year as like 18 or something? That sounds right, yeah. This performance, though, and both of them, really, I think it had to be like Ray Fines had to use the bathroom once. And he's like, oh, this is working. Okay, how long is it?

Can I knock on the door again? Is anyone going to be in there for a very, oh, a very long time? Oh, there's a little peek about to come out of my cock. Somebody, just open the, I know it's at Starbucks. I'm about to become Liam Needs. in on the street when he's constantly pissing himself. I'm tiptoeing now. I'm tiptoeing outside of the room right now.

Speaking of a Liameney's movie, you just mentioned really quick. I'm curious. Has anyone seen that A-team movie? Yes. Oh, yeah. In the theater. 18? Oh, 18. Sorry. Ham, Bradley Cooper. Oh, no, no, no. John Ham, I think it's a cameo or like a small role.

I caught some of it on TV. Patrick Wilson's the villain. Okay, maybe that's who I'm thinking of. Patrick Wilson. You know what? Honestly, I saw that movie. I can't tell you anything about it, but I remember Liam Neeson having the he looks like the father on Johnny Quest in that thing? He does. Absolutely does. And I was like kind of like

it's sort of working for me. It's not a bad look. Him and Bradley Cooper are the two main stars. Shartlow Copeland. Shartlow Copley. Shartlow Copley. Yeah, yeah. He's in that too. Yeah. I forget who Mr. T's replacement is though. If somebody doesn't open that door, I'm going to Shaltow Copley everywhere. I'm shaltowing. Now there's a mess on Mount Olympus. Cleanup on District 9

Oh, sick. But yeah, so like there's, you know, we cut to Pete Potslesweights fishing and he finds a boy in a box. It's a boy in a box laying on his dead bomb. And I got to tell you, again, this is a stupid,

like the coffin just comes up. And I don't want us to keep doing this because two of you guys haven't seen it. But the original movie, it's fucking hilarious because this scene is the first thing you see but it's them dumping the cough it's like it's like them getting forced in the coffin get that lady in that coffin

and then it's like they just they literally are just standing on the ocean filming this movie and they throw a box into the water and it's just they're filming it kind of just swim it away it's fucking hysterical but this is yeah he's pepots away he's fishing coffin comes up

they crack this thing open on the boat and there's this dead woman inside holding little baby Perseus yes yeah and this is whole fisherman dead bad thing. You're trying to give heart to something when just ignoring the heart of

Well, you've got to have some dead needs because this is, after all, apparently, a revenge tale of this movie. I mean, also, you don't know that that lady was its mother. Could just be any other corpse. They just need, they're like, hey, why waste the space? Put another dead body in here with the baby. That's economical.

Because the movie tells us the dude murdered his wife. But my pre-pulsal weight doesn't know. It's just like insulation. You know what? You just want to make sure you cram that in there so the baby doesn't jostle around too much. We might as well talk about it now because Liam Nason comes down and impregnates this one. I mean, that's the thing by making and they never, I mean, because Zeus was raping people left and right and that's what you're being true to the Greek. Oh, is that what was going on with that guy? And in this

movie, they do that. And then at the end, he's like, well, thanks, dad. Even though you totally raped my mom by turning into an eagle and then turning into yikes, Jason Fleming. I had my way with her, but I was pretending to be Darth Vader with that little hat Revenge of the Nerd You were going to do it It was literally that I was going to do it Because I had that thought watching the movie

I was like, oh man, Zeus is pulling a revenge of the nerds right now Oh my God, it's a Liam Nees and they're going Laughing like leather face and pissing his pants Yes, awesome Well, Persis, you were born out of vengeance really Pure hate and vengeance, really. But then he becomes dear old dad. You know, like, well, that doesn't really scan.

Including making sure at the end of this movie that his son goes on to get laid like it's a Rodney Dangerfield movie. It's amazing. What does he really, like, other than the last thing, like, what does he really do to make you like him other than it's use? I mean, he gives him a bunch of stuff, but he does release the fucking cracket. He does. That's the thing. He's the one who releases the cracket. And can I tell you, I mean, because that was the folks at home, if you don't remember.

Oh, yeah. Back with this movie came out, everybody thought that was the funniest fucking thing. And we were releasing crackens left and right all over. Well, we were going cracking crazy back then. Oh, yeah. Around. It's also a Norse creation, by the way. Yeah.

I forget what dates or time is, but Pirates of the Caribbean had a crack and thing. Cracken was very big in the greater scheme of things. Even the 81 movie, they call it the Cracken. Yeah. That one is cooler because it looks like a creature from black. Oh, yeah, it does. It looks like a Godzilla-shaped creature for the black. That's pretty dope.

Yeah. But I think in the Greek mythology or something, it's not even called that. It's called the Cetus, I think it is or something like that. Oh, well, that's, yeah. Of course they rename it. It's bad branding. I mean, also, if you can get a crack and rum, that dark-spiced rum's pretty good. Is that right?

Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah, that's not bad. Interesting. See, I'm always wary of booze where, like, the name is stupid. Yes. You know what I mean? Yeah. Also, not much of a rum.

guy so I don't know like what to trust and when but I and yeah I remember those commercials too it was just it was a guy basically mimicking this movie they made them more like pirates though but he was saying release the cracket which in this movie though it's fucking hilarious I never knew the context with which it's delivered and it's like we're on mount olympus we've all the gods around and fucking Hades is like Zeus man you got to fucking do it look at this bullshit man, you got to do it. You've got to set this crackin free. And Liam Neeson's like, all right, everybody, get out of the room. I need to talk

to my brother. And all the other gods vanish except for Hades. And then he just says it. Yes. Like he was embarrassed to say it from the rest of them. I feel like this, I feel, got a lot of attention because it turned into a meme. Yes. A bit time. This was... Honestly. The only thing that came out of this

movie, literally is made for memes. We need to return to tradition of these memes. Because now, what is the biggest movie line currently? What people talk. I'm a minion. No, it's quoting. Adam Sandler's and minions? I thought you were doing the Sandman too. I was like, is he doing that in the basketball movie?

Is that that that hustle movie? Is he just doing that the whole time? You know, what I'm saying is, at least this is a line. Yeah, it's a line delivered some piss and vinegar. A lot of piss because it's Liam D. Piss and pants. Vinegar on the shirt. He was eating French fries before takes. So whatever, and it's like, oh, and then Perseus kind of grew up for a while. There's this one scene where Percy is a little kid and, like, the mom, his adopted mom is pregnant. And there's a scene, he's like, so you're going to, like, love that baby a lot more than me because you didn't find that baby in a box. Like, no, no, get at it.

What are you talking about? Ridiculous. No, no. Well, son, it is kind of in a box if you think about it. Listen, we're just, yeah. No, we're a little creeped out. by you, but no, no, no, get it. I don't, uh, too much anymore.

Lay awake at night, wondering just where it was you came from. And if you'll decide to like a light just flick off and kill us one day. I keep expecting you a little bit to turn into a centaur. Not going to lie. Just waiting for those, every morning we do horse, horse leg checks. I, for about 10 years, I was checking your neck almost every night for gills. Because you came, I really cannot stress this enough. You came from the bottom of the ocean in a box with a dead woman, probably your mother.

We'll definitely love you just as much as we do our real life, regular child. There is a useless part where he's growing, because we're trying to give a tether to this relationship. That we see him as a young, like not a baby, but a younger boy as well for a minute. I'm like, why? That's what we're talking about. I'm saying why. No, I agree, though, because again, I want more Greek god shit. I want to see how about the hustle and bustle of Mount Olympus.

I bet you anything. Well, like, this is how I always imagine it happens is they're laying out like what's going to happen in the movie. And they're like, like, somebody on staff is like, what about adapted kids? You should make them feel good about themselves. Why about the adopted kids? Because I think that 81, like you see like a woman with big honk and breast breastfeeding him. Well, that's the thing. In the movie, in the 81 movie, I'm pretty certain the mother's actually not dead.

Well, that's the true myth is the mother doesn't die. Yeah. So that's like, they both come out of the box. And yeah, she's just walking around with these fucking hooters in this movie. Which is fent. And this is why it's a fantastic film. The 2010 could have used some fucking boobs and some weaners and whatever. Oh, yeah.

It's R-rated Clash of the Titans is what I'm really going for here. Yeah, R-rated, but not venturing into it like a porno pair. I'm not looking for browsers of the Titans. I mean, first of all, you can find it. A mass of the Titans. The original is probably PG or G. It's PG. And, and it's got, it's hard.

It goes harder than this. Well, of course, because we're, you know, this video game shit. One thing, Louis Leterre disowned this movie, which is really saying something. And Louis Leterrier is like, not the same thing for me. And Alexander City, who plays Hermes for like four seconds, said, oh, yeah, one of my finest, one of my finest roles. I have so many stories about that experience. I don't know where to start. He bursts out laughing and then he says, that's probably the lamest movie I've ever been in.

I mean, you know, there are times when you do duds and it must have been, and it must have been rubbish because there was all one minute of my performance that I have done to end up in that movie. So 50% of my performance is cut. And yeah, there's not much you could say about that. So clearly there was a lot more Mount Olympus shit because you cast all these people. Oh, yeah. These are like big,

big. These are known actors playing these characters. But am I sitting there for two and a half goddamn hours watching sitting with this fucking wig they put on them? And like Danny Houston be like, I am an actor. Yeah. Hello. I mean, four people.

passed and now you have summoned Danny Houston. The movie comes in like a buck 46. Yes. You could put in an extra 15 minutes or so. Get it around two hours. It's fine. But then also you cut out a lot of this other shit. Now you got more, you know, you just got to move around the Django blocks a little bit. The other thing I've seen him as a little kid and shit and then it cuts to 12 years later and he's an adult and everything. It's just to really hammer home. He had a good life with his adopted family so that when they are murdered by Hades momentarily here

in a huge tidal wave that sinks the boat and drowns them all it gives more credence to like this revenge tale which like is so just edge lord shit just nice little adventure movie I want like if you're gonna do that little kid segment I need that extra 15 minutes there

I need to actually know what this fucking family is maybe see them off this boat that is unchanging between decades and I would suggest he does He doesn't, he isn't that sad about them dying, I would even suggest. Because what happens is, one day, an army is, I forget what their name is, they're taking down the Zeus statue. Yeah, the Argos' army, soldiers from Argos.

It's being thrown into the ocean. And that summons Hades and he goes bug fuck and, like, throws goddamn death at everybody. But remember, like, there's anti-God sentiment going around. Even Pete Potsil's way is like, there's no fish. Fuck God. Fuck every God. Fuck you all. He's absolutely right to do so.

But the night before, Sam Worthington is up late at night and looks at his family and they're sleeping in a family bed. Yeah, it's one big bad. And he's thinking, you know what? I got to get out of this situation. You know what? I am Sam Worthington age. I need to be out of here. I'm going to get that golden ticket and I'm getting out of here to tour that chocolate factory.

I do, yeah, I do love two things. One, yeah, they knocked this enormous statue of Zeus, the Argos soldiers. into the water, and it doesn't cause quite as much of a tidal wave that should. Because this statue is like, I thought the size of the Empire State. Yes, exactly. That was kind of, I was like, when it's coming down and you see the little boat, I was like, here it comes. Exactly.

And then it's just kind of like sploosh. The boat still capsizes. But then Hades shows up and releases literal death eaters at them. Again, Harry Potter is everywhere here. Look, it's called a victory lap. I do also I kind of want like for the rest of the movie like Sam Worthington

First is to be like My family was killed at sea by a god It was Hades. No you mean Poseidon No no, Hades was But wouldn't it be Pacific It was in the sea This guy's got it all mixed up

Something fell into the water That's all the sea had to do That I'm telling you But it was in the sea It had to be Poseid Just tell This fucking jerk off Doesn't know what he's talking about

Look Mac Don't tell a fucking story you if you can't get the details right, all right? Zeus, I should have told you I was on lunch. I let Hades take over for a half hour while I ate a few planets. I told you

you were the sea. Oh, I'm so sorry you could catch fish today, Mr. Fisherman. We'll need $7 and more prayers. And then certainly everything will be fixed. Just, oh, I'm as upset about the fish as you are, fishermen. Why don't you just give us seven more

dollars? Mr. Fisherman, I'm going to cut to the chase. Things aren't good. You're right. It's all thoughts and prayers. That's what's now motivating these gods to continue to be immortal, just like Nancy Pelosi. Fun praising emails. Perseus, this is Pelosius.

We need your help right now, caps. Anybody catch who this adopted mom is? This barbara? No. It's Elizabeth McGovern, friends. from Downton Abbey and previous episode of Shock to the System

Got it Once Upon a Time in America Phenomenal movie I always likes The Impostles way to pop up too This was one of his last things He died A year later

I totally forgot he was dead Yeah he died And I think the town is the same year Is this? I think the town's his last movie The town's good in the town The town's like an okay movie I need to go back to that

I haven't seen it since it came out That is a fucking Sunday afternoon Or if you ever fucking ask for one. Oh, yeah, absolutely. It's a dad for noon. It's what it is. Very nice. Bringing it back. So all these deathy, all these, I guess they're furies

possibly. Is that, is that a thing? I was calling them big bats. That's what Wikipedia told me. Oh, really? I was like, are these harpies. What are these? Harpies. I don't know. Harpies are winged. Yeah, harpies are things. I don't know. I don't know what things are. But I don't know. I mean, like they don't, Wikipedia said fury, so I wouldn't say furies.

Sure. Furies. Yeah. Well, at one point, it's hilarious. These things all start like... Listen, I'm good to unleash a bunch of guys that go to a convention center. Release the furies. They're all like hugging us and being really nice to us, maybe a little too nice. They're very nice, but their costumes, I assure you, are covered and come. Oh, God. Release the bronies.

Certainly better than what I'm covered in right now. They wind up, you know, the Argonauts or Argonauts? Are Argos soldiers Argonauts? Is that how that happens? I know. The word Argonaut doesn't show up here, so I'm not going to say it. The thing is in that... Where's Jason and all this?

This is my question. He's in New Jersey. Argos is literally destroyed at the first, the start of 81. Oh, really? And he's literally not mentioned again. The city's Joppa in that version. Oh, interesting. So the Argos soldiers grab Perseus.

So like, sorry, dude, your family's dead. But now you're just with us. And we come back to Olympus and you do see, I guess the Zeus thing, We're kind of going for a Marlon Brando and Superman 1 thing with this outfit. Well, that's, I'm saying a lot of this looks like The Fortress of Solitude.

I think it is going over into the costumes as well. He's wearing just this big white suit coat thing. I kind of think the shimmery thing might have worked if the design of the room wasn't so shitty. Exactly. I just like, I don't like this like them. Like, are you actually stepping on the earth

when you go back like, like, ah! Well, that's, you know, can I get a, fucking toga in this movie. I would love a toga. I would love like real a real set. If they were in a real set, because I mean like again, you think about the Krypton set and like all that, like, how that

shimmery shit worked. It worked because they were, like, they did all that stuff and it's a real tactile thing. Real light, hitting real sets. The one thing I do like about this Mount Olympus thing is that little the view, the view of like the earth. Yeah. And like Hades at one point is just like walking over it and like

the little clouds are breaking up under his feet. Oh, that was visually interesting. And then Haiti shows of they're all talking shit about you. They all say you're a loser. They're roasting you

on the TL. You should be really embarrassed. I know that you stay off Twitter but you should name search yourself sometime.

It gets real bad. Apollo tell him. Since we are brothers known as mutuals I had to come to you with this knowledge. There's 50,000 this you comments.

Let me, unleash me on them, brother, I will participate in that flame war on your behalf. What is going on with, oh, sorry, do what you will. No, that's just what the amneson says to him. He gives him the okay to go to this.

What's going on with Hades' scalp exactly? Yeah, you know, it's why, and especially when you're living in a place, like the flaming heat of the underworld, dude, you put sunscreen on the noodle. Do you know what? That might be it, but I was feeling more

cirrhosis, you know, Hades, he's not totally immortal He can get a little disease here and that That's true You know, and you've got to treat that shit There's new Medicson out there Come on, Hades You gotta keep up with things

That's true, that's true I'm sick I'm always itching and stingy You know And he's just like, oh cool And then I'll just go back to Hellworld Because everything sucks down there Thanks again by the way

Looks really, can I stay for dinner? Can I stay for dinner? Oh nice, it appears man to Olympus has air conditioning. That's great. Just going back to my ocean of intestines that I live in. Oh, wait. Wow.

Is that, are those lutes? That sounds so much better than wailing and screaming. Oh, my God. It is really wild that this movie goes for Hades so hard. Like, we get the river sticks eventually. We move Medusa down to the underworlds. I was confused by all that. That was a bit much.

Now, maybe I forget, but she was just in like a cave somewhere. Well, it's, after they crossed the river sticks. No, in the first one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, yeah. I was smoking weed. Because the, well, so was that.

Shmack and man. The boatman in the 1981 version, it's just a skeleton puppet. Oh, that's fun. Which is pretty fucking rad. And he does like, because when they goes to pay him, instead of what happens in this movie, where a gin throws the coin in the water

for the bride and also no jinns in the original the skeleton just sort of like puts its little puppet hand out they put the coin

that's so much cooler oh yeah it fucking rules these gins my God I know we're all over the place in this episode

but doesn't matter because you didn't like the movie anyway but they might not even watched it Eric you don't even

know that shit that's fine but so they have they're monsters they're monster people who are not Greek which is English in this version

in every version they are literal monsters and they're called you know they're jins and they use magic and their society is like Tuscan Raiders yeah and apparently the language they do speak is Arabic which is that's what the IMDB trivia says

when I had the subtitles on Apple it just it would oh fuck it was oh it just says whenever they speak it just says gin language yeah and I was like all right and then I saw that but like the characters' voices are so modded. You can't hear a goddamn thing anyway.

I could tell if it was an actual language. What are we even trying? They look like a bunch of branches or something. Dude, it's shit that you would see in Star Trek. Well, what we're trying to do, it's 300, we've got a lot of 300 in this. Which 300 had modern stars in it also, did it? It did.

But also, I think we're trying to make a little bit of a fellowship of a bunch of different kinds of people. That's fair. We're going to get a fellowship of the fucking losers. I mean, that's, you want your movie to be as popular as. Fellowship of the Ring. Andrew Divoff should have been in this movie. Absolutely.

Should have been the gin, the lead gin. Totally. There would be a trilogy. There's going to be two movies. We're not. That's right. Oh, bring my brethren into your movie. Then you'll get a sequel.

Those are duologies? I'm not fun. Well, no, I'm just saying because you just inspired the thought of, I think the first time I ever heard that was when people would talk about the first two Blade movies before Trinavie came. came out and he'll be like, now on DVD, the blade duology.

Is that real? Are you just making that up? It is true. I think that is what it's called. Got an Argos party, which goes so hard it don't stop, where we're all just like, all these soldiers just got slaughtered for fucking with the gods. They're like, we showed those fucking gods. Eat shit. Oh, dude. Well, it's Queen Cassiopea fucking talking shit to the

heavens and King Kephas or something. Cisophis. I don't remember the dudes Yeah. But like these guys, they are just drinking, eating, fucking and fighting. And all they're talking about is fuck you, God's. Fuck, oh, humans are great. Fuck you. I mean, I guess

that's what the Supreme Court viewed what we were doing. Dad had to put a stop to it. Dude, is Cassio Pio, who dies in the original two? Which one is that? The lady? Yeah, the queen. What do you think? I don't.

I watched it yesterday, but... I don't... They don't really have this... It's just weird. Indromeda. Indromeda in this movie is also who he's trying to save in the original. Let me... For that, the original movie, basically the setup

is like, they're saying that Andromeda is so beautiful, this, that, and the other thing. And that's sacrilegious, some goddess comes down, inhabits the statue in this... Instead of Haiti showing up, it's like a statue gets inhabited by the god. Okay. Played by Maggie Smith, by the way.

Played by Maggie Smith. She says, like, I can't believe this. Fuck you. How dare you say this lady's better than this other lady. Fuck you. And also, you really fucked up my son. Calibus is a character also in this briefly. He's the ugly guy that's sort of goat-esque.

Oh, okay. He's the major player. He's like the major villain of the first movie. I mean, I was just asking. He gets his hand cut off in the first movie that kind of inspires this. How dare you touch my son? because Maggie Smith's god person, he's also a demigod, like Perseus,

but like an evil version. And he's barely fleshed out in this version at all, even though he's in it for some reason. And in this version, his blood is what spawns the scorpions. And the original version, Medusa's blood is what spawns the scorpions. I mean, the thing I was pointing is that, like,

I mean, that's good to know, I guess that's all shit that they cut out a lot. But the thing is, like, it was weird to me that they say, like, this woman has to get, like, probably the worst, death one of the worst deaths in the movie

like why not go for the king the guy who like inspired all this shit was it really just because she had the lap line she's running her mouth dude that's what it is

I mean this lady's running her mouth that is what it is watch your girl bro why don't you watch your girl you get your girl on a leash bro no I'm gonna take your girl so bro

but at the start of this I think like towards the start of the 81 one when they send baby Perseus out this entire city's leveled and it's very cool in that version. It's another huge creature comes out and it's just like

the flooding and the water and like little people going like they're doing really cool camera tricks in that way. That's nice. I just want to say Cassia Pia is played by Polly Walker who played the exact same role on Rome. Like the Oh, is that right? It was a real like it's like basically like how sopranos actors would just show up in different mob movies. That's kind of what

this is. Well that's so funny because the guy playing in the king, her husband in this week. I looked that dude up. He's in all these sort and sandal things. Of course. You just, you get the podcast. Look, we got Ray Fines doing his old thing. You guys doing your old thing. Anybody watch that Rome program? I did. I liked

it until they just kind of fucked it up at the end. Well, yeah, they, I mean, like, it was just ended. It just can't. They, they they're like, let's condense season three into one and a half episodes. Kind of a thing. Well, one of the guys was dying of cancer, wasn't he? I just heard that it was too expensive. Oh, is that right? We're not

making money on this. Is that milk? No, no. It was it was a Spartacus that died or something? Oh, you're totally right. I'm mixing up. Oh, okay. I didn't see that one either. But maybe I should go back and watch some good old fashioned 2010s Hunca Vision. Oh, I like that. Let's see what Spike TV

was playing on Wednesday night. The Canadian TV show. That's what it. Cassi feels like, oh, my dog, everybody my daughter's so fucking hot. You'll never even believe it. Howder than any of those shitty gods? And then Haiti shows up. Oh, you think you're so much better than everyone.

I'm going to fucking turn you into it. There is a great moment where, like, she's going off screaming about how her daughter is so gorgeous and fuck the gods. And that's not the other thing. And the king, Sisyphus or whatever, is like, hey, babe. Yeah. Hey, you maybe want to tone it down. They're listening to everything.

We're saying it. Even what's her face? Even the daughter's like, mom, please. Oh, you're embarrassing. No, no, no. We will be setting her bathwater in just a few minutes. And in the background of this scene like Andromeda meets Perseus

or whatever Because at that point He's been taken to the town By the art going whatever Argonauts What's space cosmonauts That saved him from the Yeah

From the water Who are the cosmonauts? That's a real twist for this movie Oh shit Aquanauts It would be cool if Like a Planet of the Apes Kind of scenario

But Greek mythology Where a Russian cosmonaut Comes back from space And now it's just Greco Roman dimes. I've never looked. I bet you there is some like Russian knockoff of Planet of the Apes somewhere somewhere out there. It's about a Russian

guy that goes to space and comes down and lands in America and thinks he's in fucking hell. He kills himself immediately. What are these disgusting pig creatures? What have they done to society? Why are they all wearing Indian t-shirt? You hogs!

You blew it up! You goddamn hogs! Yeah, he's looking at the actual statue liberty to say, man. But, you know, whatever, Hades comes out. It's like, oh, you think your hot shit? Not really. He's like, in 10 days, you have 10 days,

or I will send my beloved Cracket down to burn your city to the ground. He turned, unless you kill your daughter. Yeah. Does he turn Cassi Pia to Stone? What does he do to? Oh, he just, soul suck? He's like, oh, you think you're so fucking hot, lady, huh? You and your huge rack and your motor mouth?

Watch this. And he makes her old and ugly. That's right. You think you're so hot. Hey. Older. Older. You look as gorgeous as the lady

at the end of Tatan. And now everyone's like, oh, who's this Perseus guy? I heard a lot of stuff about him. Like, oh, yeah, that person is, I keep hearing a lot. You know, he's shooting up in the ranks. You know, everybody likes him.

I heard his dead is fucking God. Talk about nepotism. Yeah, that's what I mean. You go on his Wikipedia page. and all of a sudden you hit the early life hyperlinked to Zeus you're like all that fucking figures of course it doesn't say Zeus it just says

his father but the word father has the hyperlink and you're like that's all I need to know he realized he had powers gifted to him by his father Zeus who's he related to the New York Times is telling me that's how Percy has bought an apartment down to he somehow squeaked it out

the New York Times engagement registry for EO and fucking Perseus. She was cursed with immortality. His father's a god. And they made it work. Yeah. And then they renounced the throne

and moved to Canada and started a podcast that they never made episodes. Oh, man. Right? Did that ever come out? What happened? What are you talking about?

Prince Harry and Megan. And they do what now? They got like a $100 million deal from Spotify or somewhere to like make a podcast and I think they just didn't. They're not going to do that. They're the royals.

They want to get into podcasting. Fucking people. We got enough Perseus is in the business, trust me. When actually we are now, we are in a throuple with Justin Trudeau. Did they give them this podcast deal the same way his old man takes deals, man? There's a big literally a sack of money. That's right, a sack of money. And that, you know, yeah, yeah, pay attention to the sack of money.

Don't look at the sack of children we're handing them to, I assume. That's his brother. Oh, right. That's confirmed. So there's definitely someone weaseling them into the. bucking him. There's a great thing where like, Perseus is getting roughed up around you because like, all the soldiers

are like, fuck this guy. Fuck this supposed demigod, whatever. Mads Mickelson is one of these soldiers Draco or Drago or whatever. Roasting him over a fire just bullying. There's like a big fire pit where they're like cooking dinner and he's like, you're going to sit over this now. Ah. King, he's

not even done yet. Let me get a little bit of a crisp on the edges here. And they like walk him in a a dungeon, then Iyo shows up and she's like, hi, by the way, I'm a fucking god too. I was cursed with immortality. Which is, this is some wild shit.

These gods, they need to be reined in, man. Because she's like, yeah, I'm immortal because I refuse the advances of a god. And this dude just made me live forever. And he's like, well, I don't think that sounds too bad. I'm here in a jail sailing all me.

families did. And she's like, yeah, but I don't age and I watched all my family and loved ones age and die around me. So go fuck yourself, dude. By the way, I was there when all that shit went down with you and then she explains how fucking Liam Neeson turned into a bird. Fucked his mother and all that stuff happened. I love the reenactment shots of like, you know, they got the actor playing the king to come into the room to do it. Jason Fleming, man. Yes. And then Mr. Hyde himself. I guess just Dr. Jekyll. And then

Like lightning strikes, he turns around. It's like, oh, but I'm really Liam Nees? And Liam Neeson has the biggest I just fucked your wife face that I've ever seen. Right to the camera. Are you doing the ear? It's the only time anyone smiles in this movie. Zeus, your God, you're a handsome fellow. Yes, Liam Neeson is handsome.

Oh, yeah. Like, just fucking put the moves on the ladies. Exactly. Like, hey, how's a girl? Take her to a nice dinner. It's a bigger treachery if you get her to fuck Zeus. are willingly versus just impersonating her husband.

Yeah, and this is before his wife passed, so the life is still in his eyes. He's really, he's bringing it as Zeus. He wants to be there. Was she alive in 2010? I believe so, yeah, I think she's got like 2011. 2012, I think. I'll just sort of...

I see in a movie like around this time and he's looking ridiculous and smells of desperation. I'm like, well, your wife must be dead at this point. I just assumed this was post- 2009. Oh, wow. Shit.

Hill Hospital, New York, New York. Oh, God. Favorite thing. So, like, yeah, so this dude is like, oh, now my wife is pregnant with Zeus's baby. I don't think so. And he puts her, Jason Fleming puts her at a box. And he throws her off. And he starts, like, dancing.

And it's like, and then he gets hit with lightning. He's like, somehow the gods are defending themselves. I can't believe it. It's like, yeah, dude, that's how that shit works. It is like fucking what's his face, Ted Knight getting electrocuted in Canada Shack. because he's just holding this sword up like, yeah, fuck my wife and fuck you. And then lightning strikes the sword. Flashfimmer.

It is just a comical ass moment in this movie. And whatever. She's like, yeah, so you're a demigod. And Sam Worthington is like, yeah, that's right. Well, I hate all gods. And I'm not going to be a god ever. I'm going to kill Hades and do all this bad shit. Which is just shut the fuck up, dude.

You're part God. Go with it. You know, the resisting, like him joining in like this crusade against the gods seems a little wishy-washy. And him rejecting that sword and stuff, the original movie gets that sword. He's like, oh, cool, great. Yeah, of course. Awesome. Because he uses it anyway.

So, like, what's the point of him being a hypocrite? Because we feel like, you know, in screenwriting school, they're like, you have, the hero must resist the call to adventure. Sure. But they keep doing it multiple times. He's not resisting the car. he's just resisting better munitions. He wants to do it as a man and prove how great men are.

And it's like, buddy, I know men. And this might be the most, like, there's a lot of moments, but this is one of the most video gamey moments. The light from the sword is coming out from the grass. I thought we were about to get a lightsaber for a second. It's treated as a, it's absolutely treated as a lightsaber

because when someone else is holding it, it's just like a rod. So then later in the movie, when he grabs it, it ignites like a lightsaber. It sure does. Sucks. I mean, it's also like you've equipped

sort of God. The whole thing. All right, I'm going to have to go into the forest beats some other smaller minions and monsters, get my XP's up. Then I'll be able to fight the Meducer.

Then someone will say minions. Yes, I'm even alive back now. What she said, I oh says to him, you know he's like look I just want to fucking kill Zeus and she's like well you were born to kill the

Kraken and I want to kill Hades excuse me and she's like if you kill the Cracken which you were born that's your birthrighter you're born to do he will be Hades will be so weak at that point that you'll be he will then be fallible you'll be able to murder him or whatever you want to do

so he's like all right let's kill me Cracken but if you want to kill Hades I'm sorry it's not in the that's really not going to be happening. So you kill Zeus, you kill crack, and Hades then is going to take the, oh, that might be a problem. So he is sort of like

sideled with a team of Argos soldiers here. Mads-Michelson, Nicholas Holt, the Hound. The Hound. The Hound, which is pretty crazy. Liam Cunningham. Daboose Seward himself. And just like this

literal fellowship, then these two other, I guess these guys are supposed to be Turkish or whatever their situation. is these comic relief briefly but then they just walk out of the movie at some point

and then they come back at the end you're like oh right they were in this movie one moment it's a weird thing and I think both of the actors are Israeli

so I didn't know if we were trying to do something with that well they're definitely supposed to be other like you're right definitely supposed to be other just like the Jens

which I guess it's the fellowship thing we're trying to expand the world but how about this don't give some funny lines to Nicholas Holt or whatever

because all he does in this movie is goes, I don't know. Until he just then turns to stone and dies by Medusa's eyes. Yeah. Let us add these two gypsum traitors to our league. Well, because they're very much like, you know, we're not soldiers and whatnot. We're hunters.

We can like kill any beast that you come across, blah, blah, blah. And Mickelson has a good line here where he's just like, okay, if you can keep up and you don't mind dying. You can come along. It'd be great if he was doing his another round thing of just kind of micro-dosing booze this entire trip. Yes. He just does a dance in front of Medusa. Oh,

yeah. That is one of the best final sequences in the last 15 years. It is a great movie and a way to live. It is. It's definitely how I podcast. Yeah, nothing bad happened to any of those guys. No, it was a fucking great time. They were party on, dudes. Didn't you see the ending?

They party at the end. be better than partying. That's how I remember and I was pretty buzzed at the time. It's kind of hilarious here because they're like, all right, we're going out on this quest or whatever. And instead of like, oh, our heroes are going out to save us all, thank you, this appreciation. All of these, like the villagers are like,

don't go. You're fucking leaving us for dead. Also, the thing of it is, is like, okay, the entire fucking town of millions of people or this one lady because you fucked around and you found out sorry you got to kill your daughter this is we're in old in times

this is how shit works I don't like it any more than you do but the math is the math kill that princess yes I say kill the princess but like if his motivation was to save her for a reason beyond killing the devil

I think it would be more compelling apparently originally they were supposed to get together him and her but they cut that out and they made it with Iyo because it tested whatever. Like, what the fuck? Like, or maybe this producers thought it was,

it didn't work that they get together. So like at the end when he's like, nah, can't be your king for no reason. Bye. If they didn't show the mother in that first shot, I would assume Gemma R. Turn was the ghost of his mother

coming back in certain scenes. Oh, sure. She's just like, she seems completely divorced from the movie. Yes. I was having the same bit of difficult where I was like, can they see her?

and hear her and all that. There is a lot of that in this movie because they go out and blah, blah, blah, there's a lot, speaking of Lord of the Rings, I mean, there's a lot of walking in this. There's a lot of walking. There's a couple training sequences that I don't need.

You don't need it, and I don't need them fucking riding scorpions. It takes a while for the scorpions show, but the scorpion does show up. It took me a really long time to figure out, like, are there a lot of scorpions? Yes, thank you. Is there more than, like, again,

and that's like just bad filmmaking. It is the worst edited scene in the movie by a country mile. Because by the time you realized that there's three or four, like, oh, I thought it was just one. I thought they were all converging on one to fight it.

And then I was like, oh, they've branched off and they're fight like four of them. Wait a second. You don't get the moment of like, there's another one. Exactly. You literally are like,

oh, they kill one. And you're like, oh, it's over. I promise I'll stop talking about the 81 version soon. But seeing like those scorpions were like the size of bears or so. I feel like that's easier to manage on the eye. It's still fucking threatening.

And it's scary. and it's interesting. I just hate that we have to make everything the size of a fucking building. Yes, of course. We already have to fucking crack in. I don't need the scorpion crack and the land crack. But what looks better as a video game?

The big computery scorpions. It looks very video game-e, so I want that. Because I'm an idiot. Can someone isolate that? Is Jason Fleming a giant in this movie or no? Is he bigger than everybody? Or maybe I just read it. Creceus is just a big monster

Yeah, large personality Okay, yeah Because Hades goes up to He's like, hey man Because Cresius is just like Now he's just drunk, he's deformed He's like, well that's the fucking funny Why don't you and I hook up?

I just assume Because that is a massive And hilarious lightning strike Yeah, I was like that dude's dead And then yeah When the Hades goes to him In this cave he's hiding underground Like the Phantom of the Opera

Dude, he's all fucked up He's wearing a cloak He's not playing the organ, big mistake Yeah, I would like an organ or piano. Why don't we, you kill my enemy and I'll kill yours, Chris Cross. That's exactly, dude, I wrote Chris Cross with my notes because he's like, all right, you go ahead, you kill Perseus and I will kill Zeus for you. How about that?

But Zeus fucked your wife, you're really mad about that, I will kill him for you. And in that original, fuck, I'm saying it again. But he was known as, he also was Calibus and that or whatever, back and forth. But I think in that when he was like deformed because he like killed like all the Pegasuses or something. Oh, that's, yeah, there is something about, he's killed all but one Pegasus. That's pretty cool. Yeah. It's cooler. But, so Eccresius and

Perseus have this fight right here, and it is a fucking hilarious arm bite that this guy gets off on Perseus. It's just said where they did, like, oh, cry he's bite me am. I mean, that's what every father yearns to do, bite their son. Take a hunk out of their arm. And it was right

here that I noticed some of this edge lord shit even makes its way into the score because they are doing like really low notes on like a cello or like an upright bass to just get you this like chugging like rum rum rum rum and then there's parts I mean

with the Lord of the Rings, it sounds like Lord of Rings score too and on top of that they like put drop D tuning guitars for certain scenes I don't get why exactly it gets more intense in stream well for this fight right here it does get pretty intense because Acresius

with his new Hades powers that he gets because Hades basically spits in his face and like kind of heals him and supercharges him a little bit. So he's kind of like a super shredder if you got it. And he's going Kevin Nash better move.

Yeah, exactly. He like, you know, so he does the arm bite, but then like he's fighting all these soldiers. He definitely does a one-handed

Jason Vorey's head crunch on it. Yes. But I think it's just on the helmet. The guy's like, hey, stop. I'm not going to be able to get it off. What do you recall? Then the hound gets killed by a scorpion here.

I was pretty bummed to see the hound eat shit so soon. Yeah, he gets stuck. He wanted him to be around. And it all looks lost. What do you call it there? Obviously, Sam Worthington like goes through a scorpion.

That's kind of fun. We got to have someone coming out of a thing. And actually, it's a cool. He's bursting out of a model. He's covered an actual goop. Yes, thank you. IRL gloop. Nickelodeon Gack.

But then these gin show up, man. And then just like, and then just like, oh, I fought against them in the war. One of the wars. You got a more, like, yellow look. This is kind of what I assume, like, if you ever put it to film what the phalanx would look like, these guys. Oh, yeah, okay. That's kind of the look for me.

What's that? It's an arc in the X-Men comic books. It's like a disease that takes over people. Because that's also a Greek thing, right? That's the move they do. Yes, you do a phalanx. A bunch of people coming together kind of a thing. No, no, yeah.

I should have. Dillitiated. Sorry there. You know, we've got listeners in ancient Greece. That's true. It's the only podcast to travel through time. Wouldn't that be something? That would be something.

George Washington's listening to our episode on K911. We got smarter people listen to this, you know? Like build a time machine, folks. Hades, Scorpius, mingoes. In this scorpion fight also, not to backtrack too much, but it's so much of the, you're watching it in 3D rock. Durderdr-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- because these scorpions are flying at the camera. you got claws and stingers and stuff.

And they just don't look good. They don't look good. They're big. They're loud. They suck. It goes on for too long. Then every time they defeat one, it's like, oh,

cricky, there's five more. Exactly. And again, I was very unclear about how many there were. And it's like, is this the end of our fellow, all friendship?

And then, uh, and then you know, Sam Worthing's got like this bite and it's like, oh, the venom is in there. And Matt's Mickelson is kind of good in this movie.

He's telling him like, pray to your father boy, like fucking save your, your fucking dog. It's like you're living with the dude who you know his dad is rich and it's just like sorry I can't make rent this one. I'm like no you got to fucking call your dad

and he's going to pay me. You know what? Get on the fucking phone Jake. Get on the phone and call the admiral and tell him you need a check for $300 by tomorrow morning. I didn't say I wanted to cut Medusa's head off. You said you wanted to cut Medusa's head off. So why don't you get it done?

So the gin's got like oh, I'll sneak in and heal him with my, you know, whatever magic from me wherever. He fucking gets in there and rubs a lamp or some shit. And then everyone's mad at him. Like, what do you do and try to kill him? It's like, oh, listen, we got to work together for Perseus

because I also want gods to die. Together. Oh, dude, that sucks. At this point, he's take the helmet off and be a regular guy. And it's like, yes, I will join you. And he's a sexy dude, you know. Yeah, it's not even a, it's like, it looks like tree branches

all together like this is not armor this is their bodies they're like perverted from their dark magic someone says and they have like sharp little teeth and glowing blue eyes and they have like a fucking ticking heart that becomes a bomb like

they're basically this character this gin character he's the predator yeah yeah it's just we have the predator with us you know I'm trying to I can't remember the name of the alien race but they look exactly now that I'm thinking about it. Like, there's some Gleepglops that are introduced

on DS9 that are like the main bad guys. The Dominion? Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those They look kind of like the Dominion, right? Yeah, totally. And wait, so was there another movie that was okay around the time with the blue thing in the center of a chest?

It's really important. Came out maybe two years and then the sequel came out the year that this movie came out. It turns out that it's kind of an incendiary device if you wanted to use it in such a way. Interesting. I don't know.

I'd say Iron Man could have used so gyms in that movie. Yeah, yeah, honestly. He should have thought of getting some blue things. It's like you take the original screenplay, which I believe is credited in the writing credits or whatever.

But I think you just add in every blockbuster from around the same time to try to make it like surefire. And I guess it was surefire enough. They got a fucking sequel out of it, which the original never did. Yeah, no, yeah. What was it?

wrath of the Titans. Yeah, maybe next summer, folks. If you are unlucky, we will cover it. I think this is when Zeus shows himself with all those Pegasuses and he's like, I don't want my special little boy taking the bus. Here, here. This is a Pegasus. It's much more dignified for a man of your stature. I mean, I want to crack in to win, but really, I'm kind of rooting for you too. I mean, I'm torn. What can I say? Because there's this, when Hades comes back, there's a Demigod in Argos and just like,

I wrapped it up, thank you very much. I mean, nothing. That's what's so amazing about, like, the reveal of what actually happened is, like, he sounds like, it was just something I did. It didn't cause bitterness and resentment

for fucking decades. It was a sexy prank. God damn it. It was the end of the year, Spring Flink Carnival, and it was just a sexy prank. And you wouldn't believe what Athena gave me for this shit. Never ended.

Throughout the movie, they keep cutting back to what I think is the funniest character in this movie. The religious fanatic guy who looks exactly like the January 6th shaman. And this dude keeps

running around Argos and he's just like, we gotta stop talking shit about the gods. We gotta kill that girl, man. They're pissed off. I'm with this guy. The gods fucking give us boils and lightning and monsters

and all we got to do is kill this woman who's eating more food than I ever have and she's 10 years younger. I was flip-flopping with this dude because I'll tell you what, Steve, you're totally right. Like this guy's got the right idea, but then at the same time when he's trying to like rally the town, he's like see, and this is all we got

to do. And he puts his entire arm in a fire and then I'd be like all right, I'll talk to you later. That's a problem is he's a bad salesman. If you had taken the face paint off, maybe get a hair hairdo that doesn't make it look like you spend 20 out of the 24 hours of your day doing yoga. Just in fucking

God damn it. Yeah, he pissed me off just a bit. It is so weird. The society rejects religion, but then it's like, oh, fuck God's showed up. So then I guess it makes sense for them to become insanely religious and have this cultist ex. It does. I mean, because again, like, I don't know, man.

Like, I'm not religious because I ain't ever seen nobody. Fucking somebody shows up at a fucking lightning ball. I'm like, tell me where to pray. I got you. Dude, if Liam needs and burst down into my living room and he was like, you better get your act together, motherfucker. I'd be like, holy shit, do I worship you?

Can I use your bathroom? Oh, no, I got to, oh, no, it's already done. Oh, man, Zeus pissed on my floor. Let me tell you something there, Zeus. I'm not fixing that roof. Your fucking buddies down here. Your furies or whatever. Oh, that's Hades?

We're going to get so much shit from our super because of this, you son of a bitch. Listen, I didn't know that you, I thought it was rent controlled. How could I have known? you don't own your apartment what do you mean you don't own where you live what's a fucked up society

but I get in here I start changing something oh yeah see that's the thing is with gods they either need to be attentive or die and fuck off I agree that's about right not everyone is pleased

with the addition of the gins to the team though dude Davos himself is really pissed off and he's telling Nicholas Holt like there was some previous adventure and like fuck those dudes It's a really weird moment. You guys catch this, like, I don't know if we're taken a,

we're taken five from walking endlessly or whatever. Davos is, or whatever his name is in this movie, but I'm just called Davos. But he's like, it's like, yeah, you know,

Nicholas Holt, you can't trust those guys. They're violent monsters, blah, blah, blah, well, well, well,

thanks for the talk. And he's like washing his hands or something. And he grabs Nicholas Holt's like skirt that he's got and just dries his hands on it. Like, thanks a lot. I'm drying myself on your clothes. Because, I mean,

Liam, Liam is like, one of the only actors of this fellowship that has like any charisma. Oh yeah. So he's trying to use it. And like he's like the funny one if there is such a thing.

Sure. Yeah. I mean that's like you need. I hate those guys that they added on to be comic relief. Just give him more to do. Exactly. They don't even they're not even in the, I don't even know what they do in the scorpion fight.

I have no idea. They wind up having to go see the Stygian witches who are the witches they know how to kill the crackets and they're going. This is just so disgusting. This is when we start, by the way, we start riding a scorpion like it's fucking, because they realize, just like the Tuscan Raiders, dude,

like they know how to ride these fucking things. The gins are riding up. It doesn't seem like a very effective means of conveyance. They're just kind of wobbling all over the place. And they say like, oh, we need to make up lost time so we should ride them. Also, to fucking rest. Yeah. You know how Percy's

has got a venom-assed on hand. There is a moment, though, where Sam Worthington is like, we're making good time. Like my father on a road trip. I was like, what are you doing? Just past Delaware. Could you put the pedal to the metal on that scorpion, please? There is a perfect moment.

Oh, wait, the radar detectors going off. There's another, there's a cop behind us. Do they have those any more radar detectives? They do. My dad had a radar detector. Oh, yeah. I think even the GPS sometimes, like Google Maps will point out when, not like fully. but they'll be like a reporter

Waze will do that it's like oh there's a cop on yes Waze has cop reports Google or Apple Apple Maps will do like they'll tell you if there's a red light camera like it won't tell you if there's like cops around

because it's not like users submitted like Wayses but it'll be like caution red light ahead shit like that you know I just started obeying the law that's a good idea I'm a little older now so

there's this it sucks but yeah absolutely ridiculous scene of the scorpion like going over like the narrowest pathway. It's like Okay. Okay. Easy. Come on, Cyrus. You know how to do this.

Fucking stairs. I mean, this is ridiculous. This is ridiculous. Cyrus, the ride on Scorpion. That's a weird kid's book. I'll write it. And then yeah, they go see the Pans Labyrinth, which. Dude. It's awful. It's awful. I mean, in the original.

ball is in the fucking head. They're just old fucking ladies in that 81 movie. And they have like a little crystal ball. They have a little crystal ball. Not this fucking grotesque. Like this is like the mutant from 300 that's denounced. Or worse

than that. Well, it's very much the pale man from Penn's Labyrinth. Which was 2007s. You better believe we're ripping it off. We're putting everything from that era in this movie. Dude, it is a grab bag of better shit you watched. in the late aughts.

And I was happy at least. I was happy at least they were like, you know, in costume, not completely CGI. That's where my fucking, the floor is. I didn't like it. Where like in the 81, like we're saying there's three witches.

In the 81 movie, it's literally three women. Sure. In this movie, for whatever reason when we're doing shit like this, you can't put a woman in a bunch of gleep-glop makeup. So it's three dudes. Yes.

With a bunch of dumb fucking facehugger makeup. makeup on going like eh ha ha ha get that lady from fucking McBetts from last year dude that lady yep she's fantastic she's right out ruled

this movie the way they do women in this movie is fucking insane right like at least in that other movie there's goddesses there's agency a drama we get to learn about her and her life

this I don't know jack shit about her I don't know jack shit about Iowa or whatever that lady's name is I don't think any of the goddesses speak in this movie I'm not they don't they absolutely do not Wild. I'm trying to think, because like in 81, Ursula Andres

is Aphrodite. Okay. Yeah. And she has literally one line. You got Maggie Smith, Maggie Smith, a lot of lines of the movie. In that 81, though, apparently Harry Hamlin and Ursula Andrews started getting it out. Yeah. I would like to watch that. I didn't even know it.

Yeah. I mean, a man makes figures like that. You know he's good with his hands. I think that kid's a demigod now. He does. Might be. I hope he kills Christ. or something, or the devil. Whatever. So these witches are like, oh, you've got to, you got to cut Medusa's head off.

It's the only way you're going to do it. By the way, you'll die, person. This scene is just so ugly. I know we're aping Guillermo del Toro. Who knows how to do that shit? But this is just disgusting. Here's the thing, by the way. Ugly is the right word.

It just doesn't look good. It doesn't look good. The whole space is ill-defined. It's like a cave on. a fucking man, yeah. Well, the mountain ledge and now we're going to throw the eye off and it's just it's the setting is exactly Lord of the Rings when he stabs him with the invisible

sword. Yeah. Also, that's literally the same place. And just like he's like, all right, you witches, I'm going to throw your eye around. All right. Okay. Well, that's how he gets them the talk is he threatens to drop their eye off a cliff and they're like, well, the eyes the only way we can see shit.

Can we, is there any way we can be just a little meaner to the women in this? we're doing good so far I think it was like even in the original movie it was like well you know there's no like you there's nothing known to man that can defeat the Cracken but maybe woman and then it's where we get the witch

there's way more female agency in the 1981 oh yeah absolutely absolutely and then you know they talk about Medusa and how like they warn him about her blood this that and the other thing that's kind of like the catch about trying to use Medusa

for your scheme. Anyway, I'm just disappointed. As you should be, Eric. Then the two Hunter Brothers who have done nothing, are like, well, we can't fuck around anything with the underworld, so see you later, movie. But here, before you go, equip the shield of scorpion. Yeah, totally.

We've forged you a new shield out of scorpions back. Now make sure to go to your inventory and get rid of your wooden one that's broken, kind of. Right, right. And put this one off. which, remember, you were able to shove your body through a scene ago. There is a quick scene where Zeus comes down and he's like, all right, you've had your fun. And it's getting kind of embarrassing.

So why don't you come up and you can live on Mount Olympus with your old dad? And he's like, yeah, I don't want to do that. Cool with me, dude. Sign me up. You could be, I'm sure they got fish up there, fella. But he's talking shit. And he's like, for someone who created man, you sure don't know an awful woman. lot about us and yeah that's right i'm completely independent oh what's that a small loan of a

million dollars guess i'll take it it kind of happens he gives him a golden coin he's like yeah i guess i'll keep your coin even though i'm doing this totally by myself i just want to make sure you can afford groceries i'll take this coin take myself to new york city it's not a podcast now there's another weird thing here so like when we're getting ready to go to the side of the river sticks to get on the boat and all that shit to get to the underworld. Yes, this is where the two Hunter brothers are like, yeah, we're not allowed to the underworld.

And I was like, what's that about? Let's keep going. Like, they fuck off. But then also, if we'll recall, on the big scorpion caravan out here, there are multiple gin, like driving these things. And when we get to this point, it's just the one guy. Where did the rest of those gin go?

We used them all, though. Of course. We ate some. A couple died. Made ones back into a shield. Yeah, look, we just need things. You know, we use every part of the gin. And, you know, he, because he's the wizard at this point, you can only need one Gandalf. Let's pair this down. Okay, go fight the bellerog. That's named Medusa. I guess that because, like, yeah, as we, as we find out, the gin has specific powers that make him a little bit easier to handle Medusa as far as a fighter goes. goes. And if you have seven of them, yeah, she's probably in trouble. And now the rich kid isn't smart enough to know to put that coin in your hand and shake the matri's hand a special way. The gin has to do it. And then suddenly the boat shows up and we're able to get going to Medusa's. My question is, what's a boatman doing with his cash? What's his situation? You got a scag problem, you think? Oh, definitely. Do that guy. He's seen some hard times,

hard living. He's just getting by day by day, you know. I just fell asleep while I'm watching TV and I'm all fucking messed up. It's the best job I can have because the boat goes to one dock and then I just stand on the other side of the boat and I push and it goes back to the other dock. That's a job.

I used to watch Jeopardy every night at 7 o'clock but then now I can turn around and say, oh, Alex Trebegg's right here. You can just take Quizme out shot. In 1974, I was there for the first New York. Dahl's concert and CBGV. I left around you of 76. The vibes were fucked by Centennial.

Really got into people's head in a bad way. David Johansson knew where to get the good stuff. He was always the guy you wanted to talk to. When Kerbane came down here, man, shit really got lit. I want this riverboat dude's movie. Yeah, dude. He loves it.

Yeah, interesting fella. He loves rock and roll music, doing H. Yeah. When I was a rowdy for Pro Jam, you know, they always tell you good stories about Eddie Vedder, but I'm going to tell you something. He was a piece of shit to me. Always giving me the sign on. Yeah, I couldn't get the amplifiers in the shotgun time. It's like, man, I'm fucking dead. Come on. Shigga, I got a ferry some people over. You could do, you do this show important. Well, I'll meet. you back. I mean, you're on the tour bus anyway.

The fucking equipment to come five hours later. Who cares? I got Hades on my ass. The dock is full. They need people.

I got to go back home and see my missus do a shift. It's the last ferry until tomorrow. It's not a 24-hour service. I'm clocking off

for the day. Last boat out, man. Now just let me ferry some of these friends. list bases over to the other side of the stage and we'll get going. Okay, so now people found out you're going to do a big concert down the underworld.

Now you've got to write a fucking notes app thing apologizing about it. Okay. All right. We never should have booked the underworld as a place to play. We can understand the political ramifications. We love, you know, there's definitely turmoil there, but you know, it's where one of our members calls at a home. It's a little rough. Look, we wanted to play with the doors.

What can we say? We're talking about big thief. We are, which is a band I do like. Oh, yeah. They got some hot soup. Yeah, not great. Whether we got to play Tel Aviv, I think it was. Yeah.

Whoops, a doodle. But so they're on the boat. And then there's more, again, like there's so many training scenes in this movie. Yes. The ferryman's boat's got it downstairs, which I found a bit odd. Very weird. Hey, man, don't touch my shit down there. Yeah, let's get out of there.

Hey, get, get, get, get out. No, listen, I fucking sleep down there, man, my scags down there, and my collection of illegal fireworks is down there, man. And you see going down there and fucking with my shit. And you see my feet, man, I'm part of this thing. I can feel everything you do, motherfucker. Listen, I take you in the afterlife. You don't even need to be dead.

I just need you to stay above board. Leave my magazines alone. Get away from me. my thin Lizzie tapes man you're supposed to be here for a boat ride man not 24 by 7 no smoking down there I'm not even trying to ride this boat like that

so we get to the Medusa scene and honestly in the original movie it's fucking tense and cool and the whole thing is like they're using reflections around the entire cave to see Medusa and sneak up on her and try to kill her

Some of those guys get ganged in a not very ceremonial fashion. The Medusa Claymation thing is maybe a little sloppy, but I still like it. It's way cooler than this fucking CGI-I-Mal. This is just so extreme. By the way, of course, because it is whatever year this was, we have to say Medusa is a bitch. Let's go get this bitch. Let's get this bitch. You know what I'm speaking?

Here it is. I wrote it down because after I wrote down the line, I wrote, people keep in mind this is ancient greek we're talking yeah i wrote to i wrote to myself worst line of film what he says is he sam worthington is trying to give a big motivational speech to all the dudes by the way i oh can't come in this is another like i can't go in here because she's like oh medusa would never harm a lady so ladies aren't allowed in like man only so i'm just going to hang outside the cave and do nothing here uh but i have a showtime pilot that yeah exactly and he's so he's doing this whole thing. And this is actually, it's kind of, the part of it is another

pseudo-fellowship line because he's like, I only knew one great man. Now I know for and a woman. And then he points to the gym and he goes, and whatever the hell you are. And he growls because he's Chewbacca. That's right. Exactly. And then so he goes, trust your senses and don't look this bitch in the eye. And I was just like, that rips you right out of ancient Greece and plops you squarely in 2010 Hollywood. Because you just imagine in like the Lord of the Rings like if someone's like

oh that Galladryl what a total bitch like it would just take you entirely out of it. Yeah. Totally. Totally dude. Oh the bowrogg is a fucking scumbag. The bowrog, fuck you. These orcs are fucking losers. Smeagel, you fucking dick.

Fly, you dickheads. Fly. Like, it just, it's, it doesn't work. It should don't work. Frodo, pass that shit. Go fuck your mother, tree man. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, Lord of the Rings could have used some more creative profanity.

Yeah, yeah. Isildor throw the ring. You piece of shit, Isildor, throw the ring. I mean After all, why shouldn't I fucking keep it? I mean, but yeah, I mean, to the point of Medusa, I mean, like, you could have a ball of Play-Doh playing Medusa in this. It would be more convincing and more engaging.

If you're going to make her, because I'm imagining in the old one, you know, she was claymation, so she looked like not human at all probably, right? No, not, not. Well, like, you know, they tried to human face, but not really, you know. But I mean, like, the move here is if you're trying to make her look so human, cast an actress. Let's get a person.

And then she's like, oh, welcome to my... Maybe she speaks. This tale's way too long. Really long. Honestly, too many animated snakes on the head. It's a little... It's just too. When she shrieks and her whole face morphs

into a monster, what are we doing? Yeah. I mean, you have all of these fucking different little computer characters in this movie to varying degrees. You can put some... lady in a fucking snake suit. Sure. And then CGI the rest of it. And then she's like, whatever. You know,

and she says something. No, but she's just a monster. I mean, it is freaky in the 81 film that she doesn't speak. Yeah. Yeah. But she's making like monster noises and shit. There's like eerie music throughout that scene. Not here. And it's like, no, no. We take our time with it. And we're hiding

behind pillars and it's like slithering sounds. It's like, oh my God. There's a sense there of danger. This is just, blah, blah, blah. blah, blah, you know, just shit plopping around me. You're just waiting for it to be over. Because you know what's good, what the ending is, like they're going to cut up, somebody's going to cut the head off.

Yeah, we're going to get to the crash. I've seen the poster of the film. Yes, exactly. So like, whereas like, yeah, the original would at least milk tension for this. This is just like, yep, I get it. You're going to kill off all the other. Okay, great. I was surprised they killed off everybody.

They get everybody. Everybody eats shit in this scene except for Perseus himself, Sam. Davo Seaworth falls into a pit of lava. That's kind of fun. That's pretty. actually man like you didn't even get turned to stone Nicholas Holt gets and the turning in the stone doesn't look good either like no it should be creepier I think

well that's the thing dude is we're not going for any kind of like fantasy horror shit it's just basic bitch action stuff that's the other thing too like this whole sequence takes place in a big you know open air kind of whatever where like there's multiple levels and it's actually well lit and all this other shit the 81 it's a tiny ass room

It's very fucking dark It's very red and weird It's fucking scary And this is just bad action I will say though The funniest death in this movie Is Nicholas Holt standing up on a thing Looks at Medusa

He's the first one that you see turn Turns to Stone and falls And then shatters on the ground Ooh double fucked Yes after he screams Where are you? Like Batman Begins

I like Or Jennifer Love Hewitt what are you waiting for? Yeah, and you can see his cleavage through his little toga there. Oh, Sam Worthington's tits were right out. It was awesome. But, yeah, the gin gets wrapped up in

Mildjus's coil there and he does start predator laughing. And he has a bomb within his butt. This is the predator, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, absolutely is. Absolutely. Out of nowhere, his heart is a bomb. And you see it blue and ticking.

and he blows up and it does fucking nothing to her. Why wouldn't it do at least something? Well, you're showing your ignorance here. You should know that gin mythology says they do have heart bombs. They have blue heart bombs that blow up snakes. That's fair.

Don't you know? We probably got a lot wrong today. Oh, leave my heart bomb out of this. Chris Cabin. Mind your own business when it comes to my heart bombs. this would be cool face also looks fucking terrible i have to say i just found a note it looks like 2002 scorpion king well that's how bad you need that's why you cast an actress

and then when like you do the close-up of her face it's just a lady with cgis snakes in her hair and it looks like and then ideally she's giving you a performance you're like oh wow i believe we were a performance i know i'm asking for a lot man you know the like i wish heart attacks blew you up. Yeah, that'd be great. I could see, I could do a lot with that maybe. Yeah, you know what? You plan a heart

attack and then, you know, just by coincidence, you plan to give a hug to Brett Kavanaugh. Just a big hug and say, hi, how are you? Coach, we're not saying anything in Cindy area. No, no, I'm spreading love. You hug them. I'm just saying

maybe Jin's have that. He's just having a heart attack at that moment. Oh, my father had one. My great-grandfather had one. Oh, my goodness. I really shouldn't be eating eggs at all, honestly. It would just be so great if your blood could be trapped in your aorta to such a fucking degree. Like the, the, whatever that, the plaque or whatever they, what is that?

Yeah. If that was the case, man, they'd have to close, they'd have to close Denny's down because it would just be a fucking bomb derby. The city of Chicago would be a hole in the ground. Just a blood, but, like, you just explode. You know, I do have this hard problem, but I do love some supressetta. I just really can't help myself. Everything in moderation. I'm cheating on my dad.

Oh, no. But Mads Mickelson stabs her tail there and then he turns to stone, but he's got a cool, roguish smile because he's a cool rogue. Yeah. Even this is like... Too much. First of all, we got the lava pits and stuff. We didn't have it before. It's like he had the Terminator 2 kind of.

Yes. Especially with the exploding of Nicholas Halt. Very Terminator 2 ending. But like even Mads Mickleson jumps on like a stalag type that Ben falls down onto that tail. It's too much. It's just too much.

Well, because she stabbed him, Eric. So now he's stabbing her back. He's getting back. And like Steve said, he smiles. He turns to stone. And then our hero is able to cut her head off. That's right. Right. Well, he smiles, by the way, because Sam Worthington, when they're riding the scorpion, tells some kind of amusing, he makes some little amusing comment and all the dudes start laughing except for Mads. And he's like, oh, don't you ever smile. And he says, I will smile the day I can spit in the face of the gods. Yeah, but she's just reducent. Yeah, exactly. He's not even, he's not even doing the thing. This is just a pretty lady that got cursed. Oh, you think you can spit on me, do you? You have had some misconsiderations.

about the after life. So Perseus, yeah, literally the only one left alive, puts that fucking head in a bag and goes out there. And this is a really dumb moment because it's like, oh, Io has been waiting out there. She's very distraught. Oh, here he comes. Oh, isn't she so happy?

Oh, uh-oh. This other dude's back and he just fucking stabbed her for no reason. Jason Fleming just stabs her in the bag. O'O. O'O. I got stabbed in the back. Uh-oh. And they fight. and he kills him. And when he kills him something, something, he resorts to a man. And he's like,

don't become like them, those evil rotten gods. And it's like, okay, I guess so. But didn't Zeus help out on this adventure? Like, what am I supposed to believe? Didn't Zeus help out and aren't your mother a god that helped you out in the actual lore? I mean, that's all true. I mean, but Zeus is, of course, busy summoning the Cracken. So he can't be really dealing with this. But it is nice that his help bar goes up after this. Yeah.

I do love the... All right, everybody, clear the meeting room, clear the meeting room. It is kind of funny. It's inside. Okay, it is the door shut. All right, oh, good.

Release the crack. Hades, did you fuck this for me? Did you fuck me on this? This whole cracket deal? Was this a good cracker? Or is this like one of your bog and basement crackers? Are you still mad

because I buried you in the worst place in not just the worst place. in not just the world, but like the galaxy. So the crack in his release. We cut back to the fucking Maga Shaman who's like, you know what? I've had enough of this shit. Andromeda, we're coming for you lady.

And he fucking gets her. She actually kind of comes out as like, this whole movie, she's sort of been like, listen, just do it. Like my life is not worth more than all these other people. Like, just please fucking kill me. Finally she comes out. Shorter, better movie.

Exactly, right? And so I have four lines. Please get rid of me. sets her up, by the way, to the sacrifice of a monster looking exactly like Faye Ray and King Call. We cannot think of a single fucking original shot in this movie. And then here comes the big old cracker and who whoops the doodle looks exactly like the fucking rancor.

That's for sure. It looks awful. You know, I realized I forgot to mention that there is the brief appearance of the metallic owl towards the star of the movie. And that is just to set up, this ain't your mama's class of the Titans. The metallic owl is all over the original

And it's funny because we're talking a lot about Star Wars and shit That movie came out in 81 And it's definitely trying to capitalize off of Star Wars In several ways There's a lot of like Lawrence Olivier narration over just stars Basically including all the end credits The score is very Star Wars

And this fucking mechanical owl He's R2D2 It's just R2 he's just bleepin like R2D2 And you have Oh what's his face Burgess Meredith Yes he's all over it stand this fucking...

And Burgess Barrett is just like, yeah, that's right. Okay, good for you, Owl. That makes perfect sense. Excellent. See, what you do is you put a penny on his wing and he flips it into his mouth and then you will put another one. He does it. It's a nice way to keep you change.

It looks like the golden Furby from Uncut Gems a little bit. Oh, yes, it does. But I do like the character design of that metallic owl and I thought it was fun enough in that original movie. it doesn't really appear until like almost an hour in, but then it dominates that the ending hour or so. But it's mostly just like a device that

if they go camp for the night, it'll alert them. It alerts them when the Cracken is released, stuff like that. Well, it doesn't fucking do its job. The Cracken shows up. I would rather have a bleep loop comedic relief than those traitors

that came and whenever they were, whatever they were. I don't know what they were, hunters, whatever. I don't know. Sam, one of them gets a Pegasus and he's flying out, to save the day.

Yeah. And wouldn't you believe it, Hades comes and fucks, the second he releases the Cracken, Haiti's like, you know,

I'm not actually that week and now you're fucked Zeus. That's right. This is my big plan and he's like, wow, I totally fell for that one. Oh, because thoughts and prayers power me,

but fear powers you. I'm fucked. Yes, voters, Hades has done his worst trick yet. Can you send me $25. Oh, yes, this is so bad. Listen, the Crackin was released.

I'm not going to say how or why, but I will need about $7 from each of you to get this Cracken back. I can't fucking believe this Cracken situation. Yes, we'll get the Cracken back as soon as that $7 is in hand. And, of course, I will move heaven and earth to, of course, change the other gods' positions who have clearly said they would not vote to codify Perseus. Forward, forward, well, they did it.

Listen, I'm not just a dying old god That is fucking useless In any practical sense in the world Listen, no, I'm not the U.S. Senate I am Zeus You know, when they leaked that the Cracken Was gonna get released five weeks ago You'd think I'd have a better plan

To deal with the release of the Cracken However, it's gonna be another $7 And we'll wait till November to sort this one out I thought I'd have an idea From that released memo about the Cracken and going to be released, but I didn't, and I needed $7 then, and I need $7. It appears your whole giving history up to this point has been a very generous $35. I'm just asking one more time if you could kick in $7, and then I'll really be able to get to work

and stop that crack. And at the next calamity, be sure to pray harder. Just pray harder, and everything will be okay. Make sure to pray Zeus whenever you can. Pray as hard as you can and maybe, just maybe, fine citizen. With praying and $7 kicked in, we will get swords out of schools. Vote Zeus, all are use. All of the rest, oh yes.

And now all of the other gods are just sitting down watching the crack and ravage Argo singing this little light of mine. Isn't that just so amazing? Isn't that inspiring? And now Athena's going to read a poem. By the way, vote Zeus all of use. I want that on a t-shirt. Fuck, yeah, Zeus campaign t-shirt.

Yeah, get some fucking order in this place. Whatever, it's, the Cracken kind of sucks. Yeah, it just sucks shit. It's a big nothing. And also, like, they don't know, they made him a little, I don't know, again, I don't see the original, but like, they made him too big, so there's no fighting to be done here. The only will there, won't they, is these death eaters show up again

and start fucking with Medusa's head to make, to draw this out a little bit more. Exactly. He keeps dropping the fucking headbag all the time. They keep on acting like flying monkeys. Oh. Oh, right. Yeah, you're right.

Interesting. But he turns up to stone eventually. That's something. Sure does. Which is exactly what he does in the 81 movie. Which is fine. But I mean, like, the tension is poor. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Because he just shows up. Like, I remember pausing him like, there's 30 minutes. Like the cracking isn't shown up yet. What the fuck are we doing here? And I remember seeing it, I, I'm pretty sure. I reviewed this. I remember seeing it in

3D. So five stars? Five star review. It was my favorite movie here. Should I look it up? Should I look up your? Hell yeah. It's probably I don't even remember. Do you think it's been deleted? Possibly. I don't know. Yeah, they got rid of everything from you. They flushed it. Just me. Chris Cabin Review Archive.

No, but like, I remember this is the only, the only time I thought the 3D worked was the chase between the tentacles. Okay. It's kind of cool in that when you're on a big screen. but like on the I mean on the small scale you're just like

can we just end this? Yes. Can we please just get to the end of this? The only worthwhile thing is that you know you sit through this whole action sequence and whatnot and then he holds up you know Medusa and everything and it was great it made it all worth it because it made me able to write the note

Cracken gets head. Oh nice. You did it dude. I was having a great time with that note. Not with the movie really We just need $7 and to get the crack in late I'm sure we'll be able to find some solution well for us gods not for you we people

Chelsea's coming up Why are you laughing so hard It's 2 a.m. Are you watching Wayne's World or no? Oh no it's just a great note babe Killer note it's not a joke It's just a note and then what I'm going to do is just read what the note was

Classic Excellent That's podcasting later Hell yeah. I love it. Process. All process. Whatever.

Like, that's kind of, you know. Oh, the Jan 6 shaman gets crushed by some of the falling stone. Yeah. And also, like, he is killing the king, who I have not seen in an hour and 20 minutes. And I'm like, dude, if this is supposed to mean anything, he needs another scene. It is comical because there's one point where he just starts, I guess we don't see the moment where this dude is informed that his daughter is about to be. eaten by the Cracket? Sure. But he just comes running out. He looks like he's been on like a six

day bender and he's like, wait, oh, my God, wait on, is the movie still on? Oh my God. It is so funny. And you do have to stop for a second. You're like, who the fuck? Because he's not even dressed the same. And he was, what the fuck? Oh, that guy. It's been an hour. I don't remember

this guy. Oh, he was the guy. His wife was mouthing off at the beginning of the movie. Yeah. Just give me a cutaway scene of him like getting drunk in his room or something. Totally. Just like, Let me know he's out of it. Hades made his wife look like the bathtub lady from the Shining. And after the Cracken goes,

Hades is like, I'll get you yet gadget. And he's like, maybe in the sequel, bitch. And he just kind of stabs him and sends him back to the underworld. He says, he's like, I will live forever. And he goes, yeah, but not here. Yeah, the lightning strikes the sword. I think Zeus is helping juice this up because now the alliance there

Yes, I'm going to kill my brother Or banish him again or whatever Seems like my little boy Special little boys in a bit of scrape I'll just give him some lightning disorder This'll get you through to Christmas Here's some love Don't tell your mother

Just here just put in your hand to take some lightning Just take some lightning Only buy a little bit of drugs with it It's mostly for food In your electric bill Your mother asks you don't know where you got that lightning. It is, I mean, it's

kind of cool because he does raise his hand up. The lightning hits the sword and shoots it out of his hand into Hades Jess, which is pretty red. And it sends him right down to fucking Hades, which is, you know. Not too bad. Sure. And then What's Her Face has fallen into the water because she falls off the platform. Oh, right.

And she's, you know, drowning or whatever. And Sam Worthington goes in to save her. Kind of a cool shot here of him swimming back up, rescuing her. And the stone head of the crack and is falling into the sea. Pretty, pretty cool shot here. Again, the tidal waves would be like nightmarish. You know what I mean?

I don't know why we're not having bigger like fucking typhoon waves. I don't know. Is the Mediterranean like very not deep? No, I'll tell you. I know. A CGI version of this. Oh, the big thing of the money. Yeah.

It just and whatever. And then like, again, like this should be them and then they kiss or something. but he's like, no, I won't be your king because no reason. Yep. You should just do it yourself. You're better than me or something. It's a stupid, like, I'll be more helpful to you

as a soldier, warrior. Okay. Do you have a, I can't believe I'm asking this, do you have a date of birth you could share with me? I could, because I feel much more, much more at home with Gem R. Tertin. She's my age, I can tell. You know, I don't have any questions.

George. How old your father? He's got on the ID. That's the one thing me dad taught me. Didn't teach me how to do lightning. Just said, always ask of their age. And now, it's, it served me well. He fucked that shit up all the time. He was impregnating 16-year-olds.

Also, learning from his mistakes, ripping it up. Definitely ripping it up. Which is now a wood-based contraption. Oh, absolutely. Yep. I do like, it's, it's Perseus and, um, what's her face? Andromeda. And they're like washed up on the shore. Kind of like planet of the apes actually. And, uh, the fucking Pegasus is kind of like, hey, hey, wait. He's like, the horse is like pounding its foot on the beach like, wait the fuck up. Come on.

Come on. You got a few minutes left of this movie. The credits are coming. Come on. And he's just like off to another. And then like, Zizu's like, oh, I'm proud of you, my son. And just, you know what, make this nice and square. I brought your girlfriend back to life. Don't know how. Don't ask me how or why. I'm not going to have my son sitting around not getting laid. Yeah. So here she is. Oh, wait.

She's crying. She's saying, kill me, kill me. I was finally happy. Ooh, good luck, Persians. She saw a Hades ocean of intestines and she just wanted to stay right there. I just love that we took like this romantic epic and turned it into like, yeah, fuck you. kingdoms, I'm going to go get laid and see you the next movie.

It was the 2010s and we love that shit. I mean, we still love that shit now. But there were movies for fucking guys. Oh, there's been movies for guys for years. This is a movie for guys. This is, I literally started laughing out loud. This fucking Pegasus

flies toward the camera to signify the end of the movie to a cut to a blackout just like a fucking flying. DeLorean, are you even kidding me? Do you think they change the Pegasus in this movie from white to black so that there's no, like, TriStar logo? Oh, could I totally be.

Plus, it's easier to make this blackout gag if you just have a black horse flying at the camera. Also, you know, your fucking shitty fake wings will look better if we can barely make them out. Yep. Percy, when this horse hits 88 miles an hour, you're going to see some serious shit. Serious horse shit.

No, it's not you. It's your demigod. children. We need to check on Hughie Lewis. It's a fucking flying horse. Bada da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da fucking flying horse. I just need to put a banana in it. It's a fucking garbage.

You got some scorpion poison in here. It'll function like gasoline. And that's the end of the movie, folks. That is the end of 2010 Clash of the Titans. Final thoughts and recommendations, Chris Cabin. Absolutely not. Get the fuck out of here with this it's a video game movie

like all the other stuff to me is secondary to the fact that it feels like I'm playing a video game which I'm sure there was a video game for this movie I think there was actually that nobody bought um yeah just nothing I really don't have anything positive to say about it other than it's under two hours which go with

God Steve Sadeh you know I uh it's it's definitely not a recommend I remember liking it enough as I watch I'm not liking it enough but being like this is boring not being bored that's what I should say I was not bored when I was watching it It was ugly, muddy and stupid

And just but the weirdest part about it was A little Earlier this week we did the Thor episode Which was last week's episode Right And I remember the next day I just kind of kept going back to that movie You know that scene was this and this scene was that

I couldn't remember a fucking thing about this movie today And it was just I just watched it yesterday It was pretty sober And I took notes in the whole thing Yeah I just this movie evaporated the second it was over Oh yeah That's why it's

The same thing with the public consciousness, I imagine, as well. So, yeah, it's a nod to recommend. It's a light not recommend. We'll save Sargent, Sword, and Sandel for the last thoughts. I will just say, I think the only reason I was able to remember this movie that we're talking about today. One, yes, copious note-taking, which I always do. But also, it's because immediately afterwards, I watched the 1981 movie, which has enough of the same story progress.

That I was able to just be like, all right, and then this is when they go do this, yada-yada. Yeah, muddy, gross video game movie. I was not bored. I was not bored either. I was pretty surprised about that. Because like Sword and Sandel, not generally my bag. But it held my interest, but like it is dumb. It looks like shit.

Really bad storytelling decisions, especially when you had some pretty red source material. I was glad I watched the 81 version, which you all should do instead. It's on HBO Max here in the States right now. Sergeant Sword and Sandel. Yes, yes. I do like Sword and Sandals movies. I wish they made more of them. this. Good ones. They would be nice

to be good ones. Have you seen that movie Immortal that sort of came out around this time? That's not a sort of Sanco picture. No, I have not. Isn't that a Tarsem picture? It is. Yes. I should check that out though. I should expand my horizons beyond this and conquest from like 1980. Where Luke

Evans actually plays Zeus in that movie I think. Oh really? Yeah. Well, my opinion on this movie is it's trash. I hated it. I love the 81 version. I think it's kind of a flawed masterpiece. I think that one's definitely worth checking out, at least for those, you know, stop motion of facts, I think, are really breathtaking. Yeah, I think they're really, really great. But this, I would

not recommend, no, this, I kind of hated it. And I want to quickly say, there's nothing wrong. Like, you can actually make a love story that men can be invested in. I know it sounds insane. You know that it sounds in fucking sane. It's nuts. But I honestly want, if I want a love love story here. Romance. Some real romance. I do. Goes with swords and sandals, you would think. Of course. It should at least. Anywho, that's my two cents. It's okay

to like a movie. If you're a dude from the Spike TV era, that is frozen in a 7-Eleven freezer trying to get the last moon pie or something. Spike TV Boutam-Bahoo keeps ignoring you.

What year is it? That's going to do it, man. That is Clash of the Titans from 2010. Directed by Louis LaTeree. Holy smokes. Yeah, maybe we'll see Wrath of the Titans in the 2023 summer blockbuster extramed. Directed by not our French bulldog friend, but I believe the guy that did like Ninja Turtles 2014.

Yes, that guy, Hensley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that that guy's name? Sure. Sure, what I. It is the guy who directed that first Michael Bay Turtle's movie. Right, which is we did a compliment. on years ago.

That was on Patreon among other offerings. Speaking to Patreon folks, if you want more we hate movies, Patreon.com slash we hay movies. This July,

we got a big bad we love movies episode all about the best MC movie IMO Iron Man 3 directed and written by Shane Black. That was a lot of fun

putting that out. Yeah. We got Melro coming out again. This one, a very Steve Sanders centric Hell yeah.

90210. It's quite something. Love seeing that curly-haired. Fuck get humiliated. Sorry. We are talking about reboot on animation

damnation. Oh, I'm excited. The CGIGII continues. Yeah, I'm excited. It's very excited on the Gleap Glossary which is a Star Wars side show where I read about the expanded universe characters to these guys and they make fun of me and it.

We are talking forlom on this month is that a character on reboot or is that a Star Wars that is a character on Star Wars? That is a character on Star Wars. Although if you told me that it was a character on reboot, you know, I've been like, yeah, absolutely.

Of course, he's a droid bounty hunter, not as cool as IG88. Google him, you'll love his word. Oh, the flyhead guy. Yeah, he's got like an insectoid head. Yeah. And then here on the main feed, of course, the summer blockbuster extravaganza 22.

Continues next week, Steve, with what? Oh, man, I don't know. We got to lose our virginities, guys. All four of us. We'll see what happens. I can't wait to lose my virginity. It's American pie. ladies and gentlemen.

This bed is a fire who is passionate and love. I'm coming in pies next week on the show. I don't think he gets to finish in the pie, but if my dad caught me, I'd fucking finish to you. That's part of the point of fucking on the fucking island. Well, fucking

what's his face? Tom and Thomasian Nicholas comes in a little red solo cup. Oh yeah. And who could forget shit break as well. No, shit break, of course. It's going to be, it's going to be, classics. It's going to be fucking wild. I cannot tell you the last time. I have not seen this in eons yet. I remember a lot about it. So I'm excited to revisit it with these fresh little

eyes. Absolutely. So until next week when Eric's fresh little eyes get a peeper full, I'm Andrew Jukes. Steven Sadek. Eric's Cisco. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. That was a hit-gum podcast.