We Hate Movies - S12 Ep624: Escape Plan (Live in Boston)

Episode Date: August 2, 2022

Recorded live at Laugh Boston, April 24, 2022 in Boston, Massachusetts  WHM may be on vacation, but the laughs keep coming! On this episode, it's the live show where we made our triumphant return to Beantown to talk about the Sylvester Stallone/Arnold Schwarzenegger team-up film, Heat for Morons—er, Escape Plan! Why did we need to see Sly break out of a completely unrelated prison at the beginning? How many people work for Stallone's jail security firm and is it more than three? And wow, did that Arnold "vegetarian" line drop like a sack of rocks! PLUS: Angry Divorced Guy feuds with his salty, Armenian landlady!  You have a few more days to check out the replay of our Ghostbusters: Afterlife live show that happened last Friday. Don't miss out! You can catch the replay here now through Friday, August 5! Escape Plans stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Curtis '50 Cent' Jackson, Vincent D'Onofrio, Jim Caviezel, Amy Ryan, Faran Tahir, Vinnie Jones, and, for some reason, Sam Neill as Dr. Kyrie; directed by Michael Håfström. Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new Seagal Sucks, MINGO!, WHAT IF Donna?, Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Holy smokes. It is the very first of our summer break live live releases here. I guess that's what we're going to call them. Sure. Why not? Hey, what the hell? Eric, get your beach balls out of here. I got two of them. They're hanging a little lower as I get older, but you are fucking welcome to play with them, Chris. Nice. I burnt your wiener, by the way.

Oh, wow. You got to kiss it. Grill master. You know, I thought I was on vacation. I still have to hear this shit. Listen. And if, yes, well, you'll be enjoying live episodes, but I just want to mention to the folks at home

that more talk about kissing ween. is available on patreon.com slash we hate movies. Almost, I think this month will now put us over 550 hours of in-studio talk on Patreon. And all you need to do, ladies and gentlemen, all you need to do is donate $10 and you unlock 550 hours of content. It's $10. It's just $10 for 550 hours, ladies and gentlemen. How could you not? Ask yourself, how could you not?

That's right. And then, you know, the archive is 133. I think that the regular $5 level is also, it's 162 hours or more than that. Plus, you get the archive, which is 133. Folks, this is a value you cannot let go by your fingertips. I love that for season 13 of We Hate Movies. We're prepping to become megachurch pastors. I thought we were doing more of a Jerry Lewis thing,

but then you guys went straight to the evangelicals. Jesus needs money and he wants it to be given to we hate movies, patreon.com slash we hate movies. I was doing more of the, what do you call it there? The home shopping network guys. There's some dude that's selling gems on there. That's totally insane. Oh, no.

We watch this like, all cut gems. He's like, we're not allowed to sell it for this price. If John finds out we're going to be in huge trouble, but here it is anyway. $8001.49. None of the crummy crumbies, only the good stuff. He called them crummy crumbies and bad gems. Oh, no, crummy crumbies!

I love it. I love it. You know what? Selling crummy crumbies might make you end up in a super jail. Thank you. That's true. From someplace where you might find Sly Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger in Escape Plan from 2013.

Shit, man. Got all these crummy crumbies going on. All of the good stuff, not the crummy crumbies. That's right, gang. The escape plan show was in Boston earlier this year when we kicked off some live shows that we were very excited to get off here in 2022. So, yeah, we're kicking here.

We're having some margaritas hanging out, playing with our beach balls. And we hope you enjoy Escape Plan live in Boston. I'm breaking rocks in a hot turn. I'm breaking rocks in a hot tongue. I need a money gone I had none I fought the law

The law Why? I bought the law The law I left my baby I feel the bad I guess Hello

How are you? How are you doing? Hey, how you doing? I do you? Thank you for coming out. I'll just talk like a human being How about that? Boston, what is happening?

Oh shit It's amazing to be back in Bean Town Where I believe you You people invented the Bean Dinner They did indeed And it has been a while since we've been here Wow Holy shit

I didn't know it was gonna come Okay so like two hours ago cut to two hours ago Right on this very stage She goes you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna work in a bean dinner reference I was doing a, you know, Stallone thing. I could see, like, the map of everything. And I'm like,

how would I go completely out of my way to talk about beans for no reason? Got to think about it for a little bit. Sadly, we do not have any beans with us today. No, we don't. Thank God. I did take a long walk in your fine town and visited some of your best smoke shops.

They're fantastic. Oh, my God. Wonderful. Can I just say, we spent some money yesterday. So thank you for coming out recouping some of those costs. Some of those costs. All right, you ready? Yeah.

Cool. My name is Andrew Jupin. I'm Chris Cabin. Eric Siska. Stephen Sadek. And we are We Hey Movies from New York City. Thanks for coming out, Boston. It is nice to be back.

We are here to talk about escape plan from 2013. directed by someone none of you have heard of, including the four of us on here. Mikhail Hofstrom! Gazuntite. I'm sure he's a very kind, gentle individual. This is, of course, Steve coined it.

Heat for morons. Yep, yeah. It finally happened. Oh, my God. They're in the same scene. Heat for morons, I've been calling it conservative sneakers. Yeah, there's that.

It's also a good one. Yeah, I mean, because... What are those new balances? It's very nice. Good to run. Yeah. I think that's what Ben Stein wears. If you're unfamiliar, right?

So this was like the first time in Hollywood history. Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger teamed up to co-bill a movie. If that's not history, I don't know what. Because like the first expendables had come out, but Arnold was like, yeah, that looks like a lot of fun. See everyone later. Concessions are back there. Goodbye, everyone. I mean, the heap for morons thing.

is absolutely true because you would watch only Stallone would be like you know what there should be so much more of De Niro and Pacino just yamming at each other take all the action out

fuck it just them yamming at each other would be great man I watched that it's like almost three hours long what a rip man they sit in the dining for 30 minutes is it it's fucking ridiculous man

it should be in a whole film and it should be in a prison God I want a fucking evacuation code That does bring to mind, Steve. The question for you all, how many folks watched this before we said we were going to do it for the show? Look at a fucking personal DVD in the background.

All right. That is a apologies to everyone. That is a financial investment. DVD. Was that a Father's Day gift your dad gave back to you? Yeah. He's like, yeah, no, that's cool, man. Thanks so much.

You know what, son? I got enough coasters. I appreciate that the whole trilogy's in this one box. but the whole trilogy. Oh, fuck, I forgot. They made sequels to this. Oh, too, baby. Well, you had to do something to bring hush

50 cent to the four. They get rid of almost everyone except for Stallone, 50 cent, and then they bring in poor Dave Batista for two of these fucking things. One is named Hades. Whoa, wait, whoa, whoa. He's escaping from hell? He's not. That's the problem, Eric.

That's the problem. Yeah, I'm Jeff Hades. Oh, okay, Mr. Devil, you think this prison of hell can hold me? Ray Breslin, I wrote the book on hell, the Bible. Wait a second, that's an awesome, like, sequel, getting into, like, the horror realm. It starts out, like, the first five-minute Stallone's character is assassinated, right? And, of course, being a Stallone character, he goes straight to hell. Yep, for sure.

And then the whole thing is he's trying to break out of hell. Actually, that's kind of the plot of Bill and Ted's bogus journey, kind of. So maybe not. Well, the thing is, like all Sloan movies, eventually he would have to be there for the wrong reason. Like there was another Ray Benson, and he got it. He's like, I'm not supposed to be in hell.

I only killed, you know, bad people. Oh, it's a case of mistaken identity. Yes, I think that's usually how it goes with him. But then it would be like, okay, okay, you can leave, but you can't look back. What's that? Hold on. Oh, no.

Oh, shit. Everyone just turned to shit. Oh, Amy Ryan, no. Dude, poor Amy Ryan being in this movie, huh? Poor a lot of people. You will forget that Sam Neal's in this movie. Oh, God. The movie forgot Sam Neal's in this movie.

They're just like, ooh, we plum forgot what that guy was up to. Goodbye, everybody. It's kind of like the only jump scare in this movie. It's like, it's going along, and then boom, Sam Neal. And you're like, what are you doing here? If this movie did suddenly turn into the mouth of madness, I'd be very happy.

I have to say, that would make me very happy. So, and she's very happy. Very happy about that. I have to say, All right, we got to escape the mouth. Yeah, you can't escape my mouth, man. Look at these weird plastic surgery lips I got. All over you in my mouth.

Yeah, this is like face three for Stallone, right? It's not good. Yeah, he's like in those later Halloween sequels where Michael Myers' masks starts getting worse looking and worse looking. They're giving me a bad face. I don't know what to tell you. Man, now I'm just going around. They're calling me the shape and shit.

It's fucked up, bays. Have you seen Sylvester Stallone, Sheriff? Droopy lips, like droopy dog lips. Heat for morons is coming to your town, sheriff. Tired eyes, drug dies. Human growth hormone eyes. His hands look like fucking cabbages, dude, in this movie. They are just round and weird.

It's all those years a hit and thing. Yeah, I guess so, man. We got very method about that. Because early on, it's like they handcuff. I'm like, Jesus Christ. I want to be realistic. What you want for me? I do like that he starts this movie,

essentially doing cave drawings in his prison. Dude, I don't know what is going on with this. He's like burning a bunch of paper and getting a little cup of ash ready. Like, it's almost Easter. And he's preparing like little, what I call toilet paper drippies. It's like this toilet paper that he puts in the toilet

and, like, makes a little ring around it and then I forgot what... And they're dripping, so they are drippies. So how do you escape with the toilet paper? I don't know. The toilet paper is part of it, but it's bizarre. Most of the chocolate milk has a lot to do with it. Quite a lot.

You have your first, like, oh, what is this movie about thing? Where it's like, Stallone's in prison. You're like, that makes sense. And you're like, okay, cool. And then you don't know that he's like this guy that does it for hire. And it's like a 20-minute intro kind of a scenario. And here's the thing. Like, if you tell me this movie,

is about a guy whose job it is to break out of a prison, I believe you. I don't need 20 minutes of this near two-hour movie seeing a prison escape that doesn't count as the actual escape plan of the movie. Now you know he can do it. He's the best. It should be escape plans then. That's true. That's true.

Oh, that should have been the sequel, actually. How about that? Because you find out that it's this bizarre company where it's him, Vincent Donofrio, Amy Ryan, 50 cent, and no one. else. Yeah. But it's a huge office building. I don't understand what's going on.

Are there other prison magicians besides Sylvester Stallone, but he's like the number one guy? No, they actually hire just regular magicians. They have the prison part and the rest of it's just magicians. You break out of prison cells, but I make coins come out of your ear.

Yeah, you're fired, man. Oh my God, we fucked up. We sent the great mystery to San Quentin. And Stallone's at a birthday. birthday party. Oh, no, I was stabbed in the shower. I don't know why that's my magician boss. Yeah, that sounds good.

Fuck it. But I love... Sounds magical to me. Yeah, like, so he's in prison, and like, the idea is like, okay, you know, he's kind of a secret shopper, I guess. Yeah. Dude, it's undercover boss. It totally is.

And he just stabs a guy, and I'm like, well, that's not okay, right? Like, you know what I mean? Like, if he's just, if he just goes in and just breaks out of the prison, regular, regular, that's fine. But he can't be stabbing people. It's such a weird career, right? He obviously hates prisoners. So stabbing them makes sense.

Sure. And then like everything that brings them any little bit of delight, his job is to remove. Like, you gotta get rid of the chocolate milk. What the fuck? They're gonna be escaped. Hundreds of men are getting out of here

with chocolate milk. When he finally meets Schwarzenegger, Schwarzenegger's like, and they canceled the dance. And he's like, fucking fun. Fuck you. It's a prom. Oh, prisoners going to prom.

A big problem here, man, warden guy, sir. All these people in here still have a wheel to live, and that's a real problem. Cousiners are not people, and they should not have a wheel to live. I kind of love the idea is, like, if you are a secret shop or you just start stabbing people. It's like, oh, that, welcome to McDonald's. Ah, Jesus.

You didn't fucking upsell me. Call out the secret stabber. That's my job. It's probably like a write-off for that company, right? So in this, you know, hired jailbreak scenario, you killed five guys. All right, so that's, well, right. It's like, you know, $10,000 a man maybe. Yeah.

But it's all for the good of making sure the prison's secure. It's worth it. When you do the breakdown, I think it's definitely the biggest item, though. You were deducted $10,000 for stabbing a man in the chest. And whatever happens when Amy Ryan blows up a car in the parking lot. Again, not something done in traditional business. Well, that's how prisons are so. funded right now. They got, you're the Bureau

of Prison Management. They just, well, they'll blow up some cars. Actually, that's true. Yeah, like the warden or whatever is just laughing. Like, you only want to blow up one car? You need one car. And you want to kill one guy? Okay. We're not going to get the same budget as last year. We blew up five cars last year.

We used to have a parking garage. So he breaks out because basically it's, he goes, gets locked up in the hole, which is a cell that has a keypad like right over here. Yeah. Like, you could just, yeah, you can just... You get your arm, like, through the mail slot

that they put your food in and just do a quick reach there. And he's doing that with that giant cabbage. Oh, my God. You know, I've heard of, like, cauliflower ear, but whole body? Cabbage hands. You got a cabbage hand. Famous cabbage hands. I couldn't escape the prison because every key was, like,

four keys at once. Dude, he goes after that keypad, and I thought it was going to be like that Simpsons. Your fingers are too fat to die. By way, this is a man. masterclass on how to get a prison guard to like you. He talks to this, I think a guy from Daredevil, he was the guy made Daredevil's helmet. Oh,

right, that guy. He comes to the door and he's like, hey Stallone, how you do it? He's like, I fucked your sister. I can fuck your wife too if you want me to, buddy. And he's like, what? Okay, yeah, man, yeah. All right, nice job, smart ass.

And yeah, the time is 415 and, yeah, oh, okay. There's no reason for that. Oh, of course, I'll tell you. Me and the guards are going to leave now. Go have a cigarette. You better enjoy your view. It might get explosive outside. What was that?

My girlfriend's going to blow up a car. Because Amy Ryan and Sylvester Stallone, that is not a ship that I have, man. No, I'll tell you. Absolutely not. No, I don't think she did either. Also, like, when she's blowing up this car, she's wearing a wig and sunglasses,

like it's a bad heist movie? Yes. That makes me think I'm about to watch a heist movie. That prison doesn't know who she is. Why does she have to wear a costume? Great point. Yeah, you have to talk to the boss in 30 minutes. So, yeah, you need to know them.

Yes, you do. And he breaks out, like, they get into a car. They break out in a car with a vanity license plate that says Lucky Ray. I feel like you're just rubbing it in at that point. I'm not a master criminal, but you don't use vanity plates in crime. You do not. and his great breakout, we should mention, is

yeah, I just walked around prison, found a fireman's outfit, looked pretty sharp. I did magic. You're just like the magic school up from. The prison's fire department. They have a fire department right next. Maybe they do. I don't know if they do or not.

I have no idea. No, I think it's just bad building placement. Like one has nothing to do with the other one. Well, yeah, we get that. The breakdown happens when we get to see Stallone's Galaxy Brain. Yes. Just these images of the inside. He must have measured every piece of this prison, apparently.

This is where your mind is supposed to be blown, right? As he's, like, giving, here's how I did it. His mind palace, which is more like a mine shack or something. But that's a problem, because he's just like, he's supposed to be like the world's greatest genius, and every time it's just like, well, you know, I've steel his building at 400 centigrade. You're like, pardon me?

What was that one? Centigrade, man. Didn't you watch Bill Nye The Science Guy? I mean, come on. The show of the book has a thin of acidity layer that you can use. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Totally. We'll do that, slide. Thank you.

He's a genius. Here's $3 million. Equal everywhere. I'm a genius. The king. The absolute king. Yeah, he's a genius. So, like, whatever, they drive him. I guess, you know, the goal is

if you get maybe like an hour away from or a mile away from the prison, you can, like, call on a pay for. phone and be like, hey, I got you, stupid. Oh, so if he gets, if he doesn't get to that pay phone, he doesn't get the money. I think you got to start over. Okay, yeah, you flat. Yeah, game over.

It's like a video game. Ali, alley, alley, action. I wish it was that, dude. He picks up this phone and just goes, yeah, showtime. This Beetlejuice calling me? Beedge, bea, bea, beogues. Oh, man, that's why they had to cast Alec Baldwin in that movie. Yeah.

Instead, it summons this big daddy Dinoffreos What I called him in this. Dude, he comes into this movie dressed like he's about to open Jurassic Park. This fucking suit that this guy has got, oh my God. They should turn that into a prison, Jurassic Park. No, it is a prison for dinosaurs.

It's just poorly run. I wish I got that much space. Because I look like a dinosaur. I'm here to investigate and make sure no dinosaurs get off this island. What is that? Is that a little rat? Yeah, I'm a Raptor.

No, Stallone's got T-Rex arms, man. Amy Ryan's more of a delicious service. Yeah, that island's not safe. And Stallone can't open the door with those cabbage hands. Unlike the Raptor, it's just like, nothing's doing, man. What the fuck? How'd they do it in that movie?

They seem to know it right off. Can't do it, man. Hmm. What's he be me? Hmm. It's a smart-ass lizard, man. That's all I got to say. While Sylvester Stallone

gathers your attention. Shp. Arnold Schwarzenegger swoops in. Clever girl. And they all serve the queen, Cynthia Rothrock. God damn, right. Hang out, hang out, hang out, hang out.

Hang out. there it is just capturing that well now sit near Rothrock dinosaurs it's turned into a Flintstones kind of a gag almost like it's just kind of getting it works that way Vincent Donofrio is sporting

some kind of accent now everybody in this movie has something wrong with their voice Stallone is obvious you know Schwarzenegro again obvious but with it's him Sam Neal who's got like a lion on a leash here

trying to keep that fucking accent back And then Jim Caviesel Wow Jump in Jesus Jim Cavizel himself Q himself, the big man I mean It's like I just feel like every day

They ask him like So you try to be British Like maybe I'm wandering into Long Island there For a little bit Can I get back to you About what accent this is Well we're filming the movie

Right at this moment So But yeah Donofrio's do I guess it's like a Midwestern Like oh hey there It's me I think he was just bored.

He was like, I've never talked like this in a movie, and this sucks. So this will entertain me. I don't know if it's going to do any of it. It'll entertain me. I thought it would be cool to meet Sylvester Stallone. Didn't work. No one thought it'd be cool to meet Sylvester Stallone.

Don't you think that, like, getting Amy Ryan, I guess the money is just that good for escape plan? I don't know. She did not show up for the sequels. No, because all she had, look, it was an in-and-out operation. She had to get that driveway repave before the summer. So she got that sweet paycheck for this dumb movie. And fucked off.

Hey, Amy Ryan. How do you feel about movies that come out in movie theaters? Because these sequels are not going to do it. Don't you love watching movies on your couch? All right, we're going to try to escape VOD. Hey, Amy Ryan. How do you feel about movies when someone tells you they exist? You go, they made three of those?

It's a secret sequel. It's a secret sequel. How do you think about scripts that even Michael Jai White turns down? Wow, just a fucking drive-by shooting of Michael Jai White who did nothing to no one. He ruined Spawn, stop it.

That's fair. Yeah, yeah, that's what ruined Spawn. Sure. Lekwazamo was doing great stuff there. Oh, sure, yeah. Shitting and farting and vomiting. He was like a little fat clown, huh? Yes, he was. He was indeed. It's cool.

I dubbed D Sporn Farch I wonder if anyone was dressed up as him across the street this week. Possibly. Oh, a couple of clowns from Spawn? Yeah. Anybody cosplaying this weekend across the street? Anybody?

Perfect, thank you. It's okay to dress. Go ahead. No, but so like, you know, they just they run the warden through it and this guy's pissed off, by the way. He's really pissed. And he's like, what kind of a

man would want to live inside of a prison. I'm like, dude, you're the fucking warden. You go there every day. You spend more time there than at home. But he hates his job, baby. And Stallone loves his. Oh, he loves being in there. Oh, he loves it. He gets to draw.

He becomes an artiste in prison, really. But then there's like this weird will. Like him and Amy Ryan are fucking on the sly, I guess, is the idea. On the sly. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you've, fuck. on the slide, but sometimes the slide's fucking on you, ma'am.

Oh, God, both of those are losing propositions. What was the lines there? He's just like, yeah, you're cooking sucks. See, your breakfast. Yeah, exactly. Well, she throws the breakfast thing out because she says something like you want to get dinner, and he's like, I don't know, man, your cooking is quite awful.

And she says something like, you can thank me tomorrow morning. Gross. All right, I have to pretend. to be attractive. Let me just look at a picture of him from 1986. In 1986. Okay, I got it. I got it. Oh, this is, I mean, Olympic level nagging. I mean, she's just going for it, and he's just like,

your cooking sucks. I don't like you. You're a bad coworker. Yeah, you suck at your job. That car should explode five seconds earlier. I don't know who would want to have sex with you. Oh, boy. And he goes into his bad office, which it's an enormous office for nobody to do work in.

Yeah. Money laundering, Steve. It's a huge thing where, like, you know they're the only person in the building because there's a big sign like right at the desk and there's some, you know, receptions there or whatever

and he scans in, like, this is it. This is the only business that's in this massive building. It's like fucking Nakatomi Tower, but four people work there. How many calls a day is this receptionist fielding? It's all from prisons?

Is that all? Yeah, no, it's a lot of like, well, yes, I might be interested in a subscription. to the New York Times. That'll lead up some time. Or maybe she's getting phone calls from the Federal Bureau of In, oh, sorry, prisons.

Prisons. The Federal Bureau of Prisons. Not an investigation that hires them all, I guess, is what gets them going. Right, exactly. It's like, this is how the government is paying for it. So, okay, so we get the next mission, which is weird. It's like, you just spent months in jail and you're, like,

on to the next thing. How about, like, some time off? Yeah. for some Sylvester Stallone alone time. Hawaii. Go to Hawaii for a week. With Amy Ryan or without? All right, I've been out of prison for 72 hours. I need to get back in immediately. Let's do this.

I'm fienden. I need to be, I need lack of freedom now. Yeah, no, I think he vacations at Hawaiian prisons. That's, yeah, that's a good, smart move. But it's, no, instead of doing a prison, what about a black site? How about, like, just a totally illegal operation? Oh, by the way, Hawaiian prisons, he could break out Ezra Miller maybe. Oh man, that's definitely a guy you want on your team He'll beat up everybody

We'll be out in the flash It's bad and you should not like it The look Steve gave me I'm like God But yeah it's just like yeah we're not going to have anybody It's it's a prison for people who don't It's like the CIA operatives Like now that we had to stop extraordinary rendition

and she's like kind of really bummed about it. She's not happy to deliver that news. Back in the good old days, that's what that tone is. When those sons of bitches took it from us. And he has to just go there and, you know, break out. And it's... It should be a thing, because this is like, you know, we're told it goes against every, like,

creed he's ever had, every rule that he's put in place for this business. This is the opposite of that. And there's no motivation for him to do... Like, I need a thing where he's, like, hard out, like, for money or something. They're paying double That's literally the whole reason

They're paying double Oh I mean this is some flimsy ass shit I guess it's also like Oh what a challenge for me The world's greatest prison breaker outer of her Maybe Maybe I'll finally go to this prison And I'll finally die

My greatest wish to die in prison Better movie both Stallone And Schwarzenegger are prison breaker outer ofers And it's a race It's like Oh shit And you make it... It's like set in the near future

and it's like you make a reality show out of it. Sure. Yeah. You know, like that other Arnold movie there we did. Running Man. Yeah, totally. Yeah. I like that too. I will take that movie, but only if it's called the prison breaker outer or verse.

Uvers. Yes. Ubers. No one of the Uvers is an interesting. Outer Uver. That's really. Outer U.S. Prison Breaker Outer Uver. All right. Now I think I got it. I love it. And, you know,

So, like, but no one can know where it is and they put 50 Cent who is a technological genius. Excuse me, Steve. That is not the term that Stallone used to do this. So Stallone is getting ready for this. He accepts it. And he gets a shot with the tracker in it, I believe. Yep.

Yeah. It's tagged like a dog. Yes, he does. And then 50 cents is like, come on, man up, man. You know, that day's like, it's too hard. You're not going to be able to do this. He's like, I wish I could. He's like, no, I need you right where you are.

I don't know where else I'm going to find a techno thug. Techno. What, folks? Come on. 2013. 2013. You know what I realized the thing with 50 cent, by the way, in the acting? Curtis 50 Cent, you mean?

Yes. Oh, yes, the very same. I should have clarified. A lot of 50 cents running around out there. He does a thing. I got 50 cents in my pocket. Is that in a movie? I don't know. Maybe

Maybe someone had changed in the No, I'm saying that, because we're saying like everyone in this movie maybe besides like Amy Ryan has a weird voice thing. Yeah, his thing is he does not open his teeth when he talks. Yeah, that's right. And it just reminds me of like the animatronic Ninja Turtle puppets

from the 90s movies. It's just 50 cent talking about computer programs and his teeth are kind of just going out like this. It's really weird. Well, if the acting doesn't pan out, he'd get a job at like Chuck E. Cheese. Oh, true. Ruff needs help.

Help Ruff out. Give Ruff some food. I like that. He's not great. Yeah, so, and then it's like, okay, you're going to get abducted on the street of New Orleans for some reason. And this is really satisfying to watch.

It is, and he gets a whole new background for this one. He's a Spaniard terrorist. Which is exactly what I would think if I heard him talk. Yes, absolutely. That would be the first thought I have. Well, they do kind of, like, cover that up really quickly because they're like, yeah, born in Spain, but your mother died when you were 13 and you went to America to live with your father.

Yeah, airtight. How about he's just in the fucking mafia? His name is just like, you know. Yeah. Marcelo Rigatoni. There you go. Exactly what I was going to say. It's a delicious name.

And they cut this thing out of his arm. That is like, it kind of turns into harm to me for a second because I'm like, that's too much. Dude, and what's awesome, though, is you realize, by the way, this is what Stallone sounds like if he's like, you know, maybe having a little constipation too. Because, like, they're digging this thing out of his arm and he's just like, er!

Very unconvincing. Then they inject him in the neck with this giant needle, which is great. Do they do this with every prisoner? Are they just jabbing it in the arm? There's got to be one in there. They just bleed to death in your van. They just bleed to death in your van.

Well, there's a scan that happens. Yeah, it's a... He's got a little, like, Star Trek tricorders. Oh, okay. Magic, good. He's tagged, Jim. Jim, boy, this one's been tagged. You got to take it back, Jim, boy.

It's been tagged. You've got to set it free back into the wilderness. All right, all I need to do is get my tricorder working, and I can talk to the main ship and beam myself out of here. I'm all shit. So, he is put on a plane. You get drug vision a little bit. Which is the vision I had watching the movie.

Easy shit. Yeah, we had a rough night last night. Oh my God. I was hung over until about 10 minutes ago. Thanks, Boston. Now, did you also see somebody get kicked out of a helicopter? Dude, you know you are in for a rough patch when you wake up after being forcibly drugged to see Vinny Jones just stabbing a man in the stomach and throwing him out of a plane.

You could have stopped at Vinny Jones. And that's that's a fate worse than death. At least he wears a mask for part of this. Yeah, that's good. The prison wardrobe is very fascinating in this. It's a bunch of guys dressed up as like Leather Daddy Gimps. With the Squid Game face.

And they're beaten all this dry-aged beef cake and it's working for someone who may be me. I mean, it's pretty cool that you just get it in this movie because normally you don't see shit like that unless you go up to a door and say Fidelio before. Pirelio. Ferellio. Ferreelio

I'm not letting you in you have to pronounce the D or I'm not letting you in Fiaelio All right look Gary there's a line forming Just let him in Yeah he sucks at breaking into sex parties Terrible I'm a secret shopper at a sex party

Oh man You don't even have to ask They just shit on the table right there Wow no special request or nothing I am just right there Rooney furniture. Very good, yeah. Who had 26 minutes before he brought that up?

Who's... Come out of stage! Check your bingo cards. Does anyone not know what we just referenced? Everybody. Excellent. I'm so proud of this entire room. You all know the sexual fetishes of Sylvester Stallone.

Yes. Good. We've gone over it quite often. Yes. Educational podcast. Of course. I want people to know. That E is not for explicit.

It's for educational. Education. So he goes up to Jim Conveesel. Jim Conveesel is on 11 throughout this entire movie. Which is bad enough if, like, the rest of your movie is at an 8, but he's at an 11, and this is like a 2.4. Yeah. It is noticeable.

It's like a mannequin 5. It's just incredible he's doing here. And he just goes, my evacuation code is 312, 4967. Capizel's like, the fuck did you say? Well, I feel like that would happen in every prison you went to. Sorry, sir, I'm just here as a joke, actually.

This is a goof. So my evacuation code, I get to leave now. And you owe me some money, I think. I was here to check the cafeteria food to see if your protein loaf was actually what you said it was. I'm writing an article for the New York Times. And lack out all the research I need.

Goodbye, everybody. Well, the problem is, as soon as any other criminal finds out that this is a thing that happens. You just have them any minute. Like, yeah, I have a secret coat. Yeah, yeah, what is it? Six.

Yeah, you just like, dash, go on, Jay. Getting closer. Wow, rarely do they get past the six dash J. He must be really it. It just doesn't make any sense, though, because if the whole point

is that he is a secret shopper, and the prison doesn't know that he's there when he's like, evacuation code, like, why would they ever, why would it ever work once? That's what I want to know. It couldn't have.

Oh, an evacuation code. Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea. We had a secret shopper in here. Of course that guy doesn't know what that is. No, secret shopping has come up. Now, what is that? Like, you shop in secret?

Exactly. It's like, here's what it is. It's people who work for corporations that nark on other, mostly retail people. So like when we worked at the multiplex, they would send these fucking cavemen in. Really?

And there'd just be some asshole like buying concessions and they would like make sure that you said everything in your stupid little speech. Like you had to upsell them and what offer them shit. Upsail or fired. I mean, it was really tough.

So then like if you fuck up. So when the cavemen come in with the loincloths and everything. Yeah, you're like there. Oh, there he is. There's the not so secret shopper from the Geico commercial. Well, I was, I'm a secret shopper.

You made the bean joke, so you did okay. Oh, good. You passed. I was waiting. I was hoping you were going to make it. I tell it delighted everyone. But so we meet Schwarzeneg. Well, they sent him to a Magneto prison, which is pretty cool.

I'm sorry. Open design has gone way too far. This is fucking insane. Everyone can watch you shit and piss. Shit, piss, masturbate, whatever you got, pal. We're watching it. I mean, here's the thing. In other jails that I've seen in cinema,

you know, you can see you cross the way and whatnot. It's the same thing. The person next to you is seeing you too. There's just one limited person there. When Miggs threw that come. Right. Silence of the Lambs, 1991. It was shocking because I didn't have to watch him make it, you know?

It was just like, whoa. So you're saying if you're like keeping your eye on somebody, watch that guy right there. He's about to sling it. Look out. Imagine Kleece Starling is like talking to Hannibal Lecter

and in the background you see this guy going like It would have taken the tension right out of that scene Well he had to be doing there Pounding a desk What was that? Oh you come in here

with your perfume and your cheap shoes Eyes over here please Eyes over here Don't worry about what he's doing He's just gonna be doing that I don't believe for a single second That this vacation you're proposing to me

is but stop jerking off over there I'm trying to talk to the nice FBI agent. Ignore my four-foot penis. When did the lambs stop? Shut the fuck up over there. But I kind of wish they played with that a little more because you never see Arnold in jail. I just kind of want him on the other side like,

hey, sly, are we breaking out of jail, Yate? When did you want to break out of jail? That's basically how they talk about it. They're just walking around being like, So have you got the escape plans yet? It is in like two foot proximity to these fucking weird, you know, like geared up security guards.

It's like, so what is going on with the breakout plan? And the updates? Yeah, I'm Stallode and this is a guard. We have to kill a guard. It's great because we, so he goes, you know, he finds himself in this horrible super prison without magnet boots.

Trade down. Total trade down Are you kidding me? No good This is supposed to be like on the forefront of prison technology and there's not a magnet boot

to be found fuck you movie and he gets to the mess hall there and someone's gonna mess with him and Arnold shows up and he has a gang for like six seconds and they never come back Yep

Yeah there's like one dude that looks like the big show from professional wrestling a couple other guys they say nothing and then are ignored to the rest of the film It's like this big, it's a big reveal.

The movie knows it is, because it's like, why don't you leave him alone and the camera swirls around. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. And somewhere, a divorce, a divorced dad is just like, yeah, it fucking happened. It's fucking happened.

It was worth it. It's like, he's for morons. It's like, he's for morons. I knew it. I thought they were going to pull a fast one on me when I saw the poster and he was in it, but I didn't know he was really going to be in it. Thank God Lucille is a.

here, she wouldn't fucking get it anyway. Who am I yelling at? I clearly live alone. I find Amy Ryan attractive. Oh, sorry. I should be quiet. Sorry. Sorry. Shut up down there. You're watching Sylvester Stallone movies again. Shut the fuck up, you lonely bastard.

Shut up, Mrs. Garabedian. You don't own me. You own this apartment building. I gave up listening to women when I broke my vows. You're going to die alone, you sad sack of shit. Your kids probably fucking hate you too.

Yes, they do. They don't talk to me. God damn. It's so dead on accurate. It's a chilling look to the future for at least one of us. Statistically, it has to happen. Exactly. The question is, which one? Ooh.

Place your bets. Yeah. So whatever, you know, he kind of, like Arnold starts being friendly with him immediately. And, like, spoiler alert, it's because Arnold is also a genius. Yep. Who's also in prison under a fake name. You know, we're not so different, you and I. I also shouldn't, you know, shouldn't be here.

I mean, it's the big difference is Arnold is the brain genius. and Stallone is the muscle genius. He's the muscle and Schwarzenegger's the man who's like putting it all together with him. Which tracks? Because I've seen Arnold play scientists at least twice. Oh yeah. Very believable. So the brain you're talking about is like

later in the film they get Sam Neal to write an email. That is how they break out of, I'm not trying to get ahead of ourselves, but they break out of prison. Via email. They just needed access to the internet and that's it.

Well, the other thing I was saying was along with Arnold, being a scientist. Oh, fuck, I totally lost where I was going with this. Oh, he's got a big brain. Oh, no, well, just that, like, Arnold knows who Sylvester Stallone is, like he knows his real identity immediately

and is using him to help him break out of jail. Because it's a code name that... You know what? This movie's got, like, four twists when one would have been fucking too much already, so... He goes up to him, he's like, oh, your name is Portos,

the Fort Masqueteer. Didn't count on me reading Alexander Dumas, did you? but I did. I'm Emil Rotmeier slash Mannheim. Manheim. Yes, thank you.

Because that's his thing is like, Kvizel is like, okay, I need to make sure I need to know where this Mannheim bastard is and the only one who knows is this other German guy that works with him. I got to find that Mannheim, that son of a bitch keeps making all that obnoxious Christmas music

I have to fucking hear every year. He looks a lot like Rotmire but he's got a mustache. So it's a different guy. It's so obvious, like, from the jump that Arnold is this guy he claims he knows because he's like, oh, yeah, Mannheim, he's a pretty cool dude, I happen to know.

He's handsome, has a large swans, very famous. Very charitable. He gives all the time. Oh, yeah, because it's a Robin Hood thing. It's like, you may have heard of him. He loves to rob from the rich and give to the poor. Yes, I was actually Robin Hood,

and I've been reincarnated. There's a line. Vincent Donofrio has to, like, tell them what Schwarzenegger's there to do in this one scene that he's just there. And they must have made him do this line at gunpoint. Because he's just, he's like,

he's got money from China, and he's got money from Sweden, and he's going to turn it into fucking confetti. Yeah. He loves it. He takes that for a meal. I wonder if when they abducted Rotmeyer, they were like,

where the fuck is Mannheim? Oh, you just missed him. I am not Mannheim. I am Rottenmaier, yes. Yes, that sounds believable. Rotmeyer. What's in the room? Okay, rotting Ascomaya weenies.

I'm Rotten. Have you ever seen a saddest sight and a rotting hot dog? Why did it anyone eat it? Hold on. I'll call him for you. Hello, Mr. Mannheim. If you'd like to make a call. Yes, he's a...

Oh, you're not coming back. Wait a second. That's not a rotting. Now I'm getting like Dracula voice. Wait a second. That's not a rotting hot dog. It's Sylvester Stallone. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Wait, is it Rotmire or Rodmire? Rotmire. He, they become like, well, they're actually not fast friends. It's kind of weird, like, Stallone treats Schwarzenegger like shit threat. this whole movie, which is kind of like... I think this was a, like, fucking 40-year con by Sylvester Stallone to just make Arnold look

dumb as shit in a movie, because Arnold can top him night and day. Oh, yeah. This is clearly payback for him taking Last Action Hero. Ooh, here's a question. We'll get a little audience participation. Who here prefers Arnold Schwarzenegger? All right, all right, all right.

And now who prefers Sylvester Stilohlellan? So a couple people cheered and one person threw up. Oh my God, Frank Stallone is here, ladies and gentlemen. Hey, Frank, unblock me on Instagram. Yeah, you loved giving it to that, dude, in the best way possible, in a way in which he didn't know you were fucking with him. Yeah, and he would always talk to me. It was like Tom Hanks and fucking catch me if you can.

Merry Christmas, Xis. This is Frank Sloan. a little higher pitch. Where are you going, Eric? He said, plays the exotic man and what? Yeah, Franks Stallone. It's like a B.B. After the 10,000th time I fucked with him, he realized that I was fucking... No, dude, someone told them. They were like,

Hey, Uncle Frank. That guy thinks you're a fucking moron, actually. Blackaway. He makes fun of your brother's movies all the time. Unblock away. But he Stallone, they become fast

friends like, all right, the only way, the first thing I need to do is get into the hole, and he's like, you don't want to go there. You don't want to go in there. It's very bad in there. It's hot. This is the favor? And he punches him or whatever. They can do a fight. It's like, well, sometimes favors hurt.

Yeah. Oh, this is, I feel like this was maybe a trailer line, but I never once saw the trailer for this movie. You all watched it right now. No, I didn't see it. Oh, okay. But does, okay, so, Does the trailer contain the line? You punched like a vegetarian. Yeah, see?

Of course it did. Because that was fucking built in like after the movie was filmed, I bet. Oh my God, I can't wait to see that movie. I fucking hate vegetarians. I fucking know you do. You never shut up about it. Like my daughter, Emily, I think.

It could have been a phase, but it's been many, many years. Yeah, she loves vegetables. You just got to make a quick tofu loaf and they shut the fuck up about it on Thanksgiving. You can't even do that. Shut up, Mrs. Garibetian! I love this like Armenian landlady character.

Absolutely, dude. It's pretty cool. And this exact exchange happens every day. Oh, yes. But they go, they fight, and then they go inside this, like, weird sex box with the lights. Yeah, it's pretty hot. Yeah, there's a couple of...

Flashes on, I think it heightens your sexual powers or something. Absolutely. Is this where, like, Stallone's like, oh, these rivets are clearly steel. They should be aluminum. Big fucking problem. I'm out of here. Yep, that's all it takes. Yeah, yeah.

It's like a Sherlock thing, like from the BBC show. He's like, oh, yeah, well, of course. I got it. Because he knows how to rust stuff fast as well, because there's actually a shot in the film. I don't know if anyone else noticed it. of maximum security toothpaste. Maximum security brand toothpaste. That's pretty awesome.

Blinking, you miss it. Maxim security brand toothpaste. Which looks like K.Y. Jelly, by the way. It's completely clear. And it's used for K.Y. Jelly, if you know what I'm saying. Is it, like, prison for your teeth? Like, how does that work? Oh, I think it's like maximum security.

No, well, then if it was keeping the fluoride in, that would be bad toothpaste. It just increases your plaque. Right? You just have to imagine that one prison guard got, like, a prisoner squirted Colgate in somebody's eye and was able to break out. So after that, they're like, fuck it, our own,

nothing in it. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how it's just clear toothpaste. That can't be getting the job done. It's just water. It's goopy water. I don't even understand what he uses it. He uses it to, like, lube up a piece of metal. I think it's the rivet or whatever.

It's like, I'm going to make this. heat up basically the thing where like Arnold has to so he goes to the whole we meet Sam Neal uselessly and then he's like I need you to go back inside I need a piece of metal that's three inches wide and round

and Arnold has a great idea he's going to get waterboarded for a couple of minutes I wish every former governor got waterboarded it's like your exit interview wait hold on how many former governors you're going to get waterboarded Hey buddy, I heard you got waterboarded

Yeah, no, hand over the keys to the mansion And then go over there to be waterboarded Quoma, that would work It's a good thing I quit then So I couldn't be waterboarded, I just left in disgrace You know, I wrote that victory lap of a book Before I left it disgrace And then it was subsequently waterboarded

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah Yeah, I entitled it water voted. But, yeah, he, uh, Jim Caviesel comes in and just like British and not British all at once. And it's like, I want to know where Mannheim is, that guy that looks exactly like you with a mustache. And he's like, I could draw you a map if you give me a pen and a paper. Here's the thing. Amazing scene. There is never like any good that comes from someone drawing you a map of something.

What a useless fucking thing. He could be anywhere in the world. What is you doing the whole globe? I even worked in the latitude and longitude. But the latitude and longitude leads to your aes. This cartoon bot is exquisite. It's wonderful.

See, he thought I was going to tell him where he is, but instead I just draw a bot. And there's an arrow pointing... It's like a squiggly line arrow pointing to an asshole. it's kind of great. And these squid game masks must blind these guards, because there's three behind them and they're just like, yeah?

Looks like a map. Looks like a map. Oh, that's a crack. There should be a dude like, our boss, he's just drawing an ass again. Ass, ass, we got ass, boss. Yeah, that's right. This is not the first time I said I would draw something and then I draw a butt.

It's a great distraction in the chaos of the moment. He's able to get that piece of metal. Yep. they stopped him before he could put the little curly ass hairs on it but you know it's pretty good they I mean it's a maximum security black site prison yada yada yada yada

they don't fucking pat these dudes down for shit everyone is just like you just missed it and they have a whole fucking turkey under their arm they never steal a turkey I would love it they don't know that would be awesome though we're going to rob the mess hall

it'd be great real low stakes what is this special thing it looks like a paper with garbage on it the thing that tells them where they are oh that's the what he calls

that they're sextant sexton of course it looks like a paper with garbage on it what it looks like I mean it actually kind of is yeah there's broken glasses

I mean I'm like that that's garbage you're reading the sun by garbage I guess is what you're doing something like that I don't know how sectans work, I'm not a sailor. Oh my god, you're building a sex tent. Can I get in?

Wow. We're going camping. Yes. Wow, a sex tent sly. That sounds pretty cool. Yeah, yeah, I got the glass table in there already, buddy. Ready to go. They steal

a whole desk from his office. So, bad news, I finally got the sex tent. Not what I thought it was. Major bummer. There's like half a pen on it. It's not even close. So, yeah, oh, the whole thing.

So Sly, like, breaking out of this thing so he can see, like, they're trying to figure out where they are is his whole thing. So he's like, well, if I get to the top, I can look out and see where they are. And, you know, he's like, yeah, man, I wrote the book on this shit. This is definitely in a cave, man.

We are subterranean. He keeps telling Arnold that we're subterranean, and this not the other thing. Dude, boy, is his face right? He fucking opens this hatch. They're in a boat in the middle of the ocean. Oh, fuck. That's a mistake.

And when he's crawling up, getting up to that hatch, he grabs onto some power lines and stuff. Dude, he Frank grimes himself. And it's just like, oh, I hope no one notices the power just went out. Yeah, he grabs that. Well, that's the first resurrection.

He, I mean, this helicopter shot, revealing it's on a boat, it's like the end of planet of the, apes, but it's planted of the boats. It's just like... I hate... This movie should be moving at a clip at this point. We see that it's outside, and then he's like, oh, Ron, I know where

I am. Time to go back to jail. My favorite place. The movie just goes back to sleep. I was like, we're just getting going. We're on a boat. Are you kidding me? This is awesome. There should be fights. There should be gunfire. I mean... And I'm not... I don't run a black side, but I imagine if the... What? I do not... That's suspicious, Steve.

I think you do run one. I see, dude. Not yet. I don't currently run a black. Support us on Patreon. We might get there. Dude, do you like Jamie Foxx and collateral? You have a fucking folder with like your dream business opportunity and it's a black site?

You have to imagine your dream body count. Oh, yeah. You pull the fucking blinder down, dude. It's just a rubber band holding a picture of like a prison on it. That's my dream. I just go there to escape. Yeah. I just think about Rikers and, oh, God.

God, I just, that's my life now. But I feel like if it was on a boat and the hatch to the boat opens, an alarm should go off somewhere. Yep, absolutely. Like just somewhere, someone should be like, well, that's irregular. Or at the very least, there's some security guard standing kind of close by that here's the as he opens this rust hatch. Yeah, they have tracking, they put it, we find out they put tracking devices or motion sensors.

I think they have motion sensing devices. Oh, everywhere? Yeah. Only in certain scenes. But also, he's like, oh, my God, Mr. Rotmeier, definitely not Mr. Mannheim. You'll never believe this.

We're on a boat. That's why you can hear dolphins at night. Like, you would know you're on a fucking boat. You would just know it. Do they get drabamine, like, mixed in with their food? People just throwing up all the time? Arnold tries to ask that,

and Sylvester Stallone, as if, like, the screenwriter anticipated someone calling bullshit It's like, no, man, not when a boat's this big, man. They got stabilizers on it and stuff. And I was like, really? They're fucking big storms around Morocco. You're getting hit.

I'm sorry. Or Somali pirates. Now I'm the captain now. Oh, by the way, you have a prison underneath me? That's surprising. That's a little too much responsibility. I don't want to be the captain anymore. I'm the warden now.

Well, I'll tell you, the pirates would have just fucking up their numbers. Yeah, that's true. A thousand people on my boat now? There's so many people in this prison. Oh, so you're saying like they would be like conscripted into the pirate gang? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, of course. Yeah, all right.

I could take over the boat. I could see a couple of guesses there. I joined some pirates, at least for a few months. You're like drunk all the time. You get to work outside. Yeah, just like my life right now. You love being on the sea. It's wonderful.

Oh, shit, man. I'm okay with those other. So long as it's not those. Pirates of the Caribbean. I'm scared of ghosts. And I hate rum. And they got a crazy little monkey.

But now they know they're on a boat, so it's going to take a while. There's this other guy, Javad. You might have seen him in Iron Man. Star Trek, 2009. Oh, right, he's the captain of the Kelvin that eats shit at the beginning. And, like, he's there to, like, again,

like, we're flirting with, like, oh, he's a terrorist, but then they're like, no, he's a drug dealer because later he becomes their friend and he couldn't be their friend if he's a terrorist kind of a thing. I think that's how they're playing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he is like their enemy at first, but then they're like, hey, do you want to break out of prison? And he's like, sure.

It's another thing where, like, Arnold, or I think, one of him or Stallone go up to this dude, and it's like, face it, I think it's Arnold. Arnold's kind of like his antagonist. And it's like, we're all, like, guards fucking everywhere, and this dude jab's, like, what's your problem

or what do you want or whatever? And Arnold's just like, do you want to break out? Like, fucking whisper! Did you hear that in the God Tower? And at this point, my favorite running joke of the movie is Vinnie Jones not letting Sylvester Stallone sleep for a while? Oh, yeah. He keeps beating him up.

He's, like, tapping on his cell. He starts playing YouTube videos on his phone without fucking headphones. Starts carrying a boombox around. Man, the presumption that we would like the same music to the point where you could just blasts. in public like that. That's rude, man. I thought I was in prison, not a bus.

I much prefer the prison, honestly. But that only lasts for a while, and it works. It gets Stallone off his game, but then at some point, like, Kviesel's like, no, no, stop for some reason. Like, everything is totally fine. He's getting exactly what he wants out of it. Stallone has been broken. Keep that shit up until you accidentally, quote-unquote, kill him. But that's the thing, just fucking murder him from the jump.

Because at some point, like, De Nafrio's like, yeah, he's got to stay there forever, man. And it's like, okay, cool, you just missed him. Oh, he's on the, I'll put him on the phone. Hi, I'm Sylvester Stallone. I'm still alive. Click. That's it. Oh, yeah, he's right, he's right here.

Yeah, yeah. Good, good. Yeah, yeah, it worked. Good. and he's been dead for months that's how that shit would work I just don't see why it matters like why does Vincent DiNafrio care

if he lives or dies to beat him I guess just like to have the knowledge that he beat him I guess Dominus is a thing they get into it I was thinking like sloppy screenplay though also possible also very possible

I'm thinking shitty shittily written movie have we are we about where Schwarzenegger gets to say the line that he probably said yes to the script over. What's that? He goes up to Javad. Oh, yes.

Please. Oh, man. He's like, oh, I'm familiar. I know your mother. She polished knob. Or helmet. Sorry, polished helmet really good. Your mother was my favorite whore in Marrakesh.

She polishes a good helmet or whatever. What I think is funny. He does the whole, like. He does the whole thing. Sort of like Miggs was. No, it's like he's focusing a big telescope, you see. I can come amongst the stars.

Colerese, Coleris, stop paying attention to that man jerking off. Tell me about your nightmares. Stop looking at him. Tell me about your nightmares. Over here, your nightmares. Your nightmares. We have a ten of ten.

We don't need whatever that is. All right, look for ten seconds and then look right back. It's just so beautiful, Dr. Lecter. Yeah, actually, we had a 20-minute version of that shot. I just kept going. Well, the funny thing is that exasper, like, when someone's doing, like, a bad Arnold impression,

like, we've been doing for a long time, and you want to do, like, Arnold being exasperated, and it's like, gaw-g-gall-that is the same if, like, someone is, like, gargling a big, juicy dick. Just, like, gaw-g-g-g-ag-ag-ag-glag-ag-ag-gag-gag-g. It is amazing, though, when he gets waterboarded, that's like, he's really, doing it. It's awesome. It's awesome.

They don't even put a handkerchief down. They're just shoving a fucking hose in his mouth. You could get like a whole other soundboard for Arnold's shit out of this movie alone. Absolutely. Definitely. Pretty great. And so now Javette is with them. He uses this like makeshift sexted it perfectly somehow.

I don't know how this works, man. It's a bunch of like plastic silverware and a pen stitched together. Some glasses and I guess you know you just like know you instinctively know to like read the stars like an old-timey sailor? The word you're looking for. Holy shit, Mrs. Garibini and they're fucking using naval history!

This is the best fucking movie I've ever seen! Well, at least your TV's not tuned to the history channel again, you fucking loser! You fucking divorce loser! Yeah, you know how they say, like, some Republicans have like Fox News in their house all the time? This guy has the history channel going non-fucking stop. Look, they're turning over.

more new leaves about World War II. Ooh. I got to get up to date on my alien history. Followed by seven straight hours of Vietnam-related content. And then back to aliens. And then how does Hitler factor in with the aliens? We'll explain after the break. There's a four-hour documentary about it.

The fucking audacity to continue referring to yourself as the history channel once aliens tip-tap into your lineup. Yeah, it's a history. It's his story. I'm his. I'm watching my story. Okay, I guess we can't have fictional history anymore. Sorry. I thought we were cool. Who the fuck are you talking about down there? No one visits you.

I better not be here in Adolf Hitler again tonight. Sank of shit. You always turn it up when he starts speaking. Once I stop hearing that TV, I'll know you're finally fucking dead. And Mrs. Garabini and a real firebrand widow. I love it. She's definitely a widow, by the way. Oh, of course.

My favorite thread, so they find out where they are, they have a location, and during like the sleep deprivation part, Stallone starts working on Sam Neal, and he does so by reminding him that doctors take a Hippocratic oath. Oh, yeah. And like Samuel's like, oh, he has to go into a book that says medical ethics, on it. And it is the Hippocratic, it's written out, and he's like,

well, I'll be. Dude, that is like a book you find in Gumbie. Like, Gumbie looks at that book and goes, no way, man, and like skates away. Medical ethics, the book. So now he's sworn

to be his, I don't know, like, Butler? All right. Yeah, you're right. I should help you break out of prison. You're right. I read the medical Ethics, I should help you break out of prison. And it's like, you have to send an email to Arnold Schwarzenegger's friend in Casablanca. Because Stallone does this whole fucking long thing about like, well, the water would

be fair around here, and I could smell that it's probably off the coast of Morocco. You know, I used to be a meteorologist, too. It's like the third time the movie asks you to believe that Sylvester Stallone can like give science-sounding talk. Yep, it's not. And it's not. It's not a thing that happens once in this movie. It's hard to follow when he's listing the ingredients of a sandwich.

So maybe leave science out of it. And so he's like, send an email to my buddy. And he just writes an email that says, come break us out of prison, right? Come quick, Rick. No, it's, what is it? It's like having a pool party. Bring the kids.

Don't forget all the toys. Jim Cavizel is going to take this to the cue boards, and they're going to have a field day with it. Oh, my God, another Arnold drop happened. Oh, shit, that's right. So he's Q, uh, Kviesel is. Yeah, right? And so Stallone kind of flirting with it, right?

Flirting, but I also just think he saw the hashtags. I don't, he was like, oh, this seems pretty popular. W.W.4 S.K. Yeah, that sounds good. Hey, Jim, remember we were in that great movie, The Escape Plan? Do you think that weird little Italian guy is also JFK Jr? I believe that to be true. Have you ever met Vincent Fuchsie? He's a nice guy.

Very nice guy. Oh, man. Yeah. Now, no, because now, anytime Q comes up, I'm just deflated and disgusting. I know. And this guy is the biggest fucking Q fan.

He's got to get a beer. Are you all out over there? I am, I am. Sorry, baby. Go right ahead. But so it's the big escape plan now. Now he's got the titular escape plan. How about that?

It's really exciting. It's the day of, and it's basically they trick Kvizel into thinking there's going to be a riot on C block, but it's going to be in the set, which we've never seen. It's actually weird enough it's going to be in the set that we've had the whole time. Oh, how about that? And we don't worry. I hope you like 10 minutes of Stallone tapping on the wall, trying to be spotted to give the wrong cell block,

and then Kavisel and the crew being like, let's decide. life are in. Yeah, so it's like, oh my God, it's going to be at Z's all block C. Wait a second, because we didn't bring it up, and they're about to never be seen again. The, like, Jim Coveez's, like, tech assistants that he has in this movie are dressed

exactly like the host of Mystery Science Theater 3,000. His fucking maroon jumpsuits that they have, the name tags in the right spot. All right, I'll sign up to try to escape from the saddle out of love. The freight ship of love.

Oh man, they can't seem to get out They keep bombarding me with cheesy movies, man You know, fucking ridiculous You know, that Tom Servo should watch his fucking mouth Hey, Crow-T robot You took an oath I could break you apart, man Okay, it's invention time

I've invented a sex tent Oh, you skipping over my hilarious bit To get back to the movie, got it All right, I escape, bottom line Dr. Forrester, you're present, not secure. Hey, TV's Frank, man. This was fucking embarrassing, man.

First of all, you left all these parts around. I could make it by robot friends. That gypsy, though, man, they're all right. Suck the chrome over trailer hitch, man. She's a giant vacuum. Come on already. Hey, cambot, delete that tape. Any other childhood shows we could ruin for you?

Anything else. You want to go right through it? Yeah, man, now I'm hosting blues clues. Stop right there. It's just dog shit on a glass table now. Good boy. That's fantastic work you're doing now. Oh, I'm going to get the peanut butter out.

You got to do doubles. Always doubles. So we're escaping from this prison. Yes. You see. Yeah, that works. And there are guards that they're now finally making names for. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, it's like chicken man and chicken and duck and hives. The movie keeps putting the brakes on to talk about the chicken man. It's a chicken man. And also Arnold's ex-girlfriend who had a big ass, I guess. And he's like, yeah, and that guard has a big ass. So, yeah. Same difference. Oh, because he goes, that's right.

He goes, Louisa. And Stallone is like, what, man? Louisa Mayor. Luisa. And he's just like, yeah, his huge ass reminds me of my first girlfriend. Is everyone laughing

at the movie? That god has a badunk-a-dunk. Put that right next to the vegetarian joke. Yes. All right, so chicken man and bedunk-a-dun-dun. This is the way they're walking around the prison, man.

And they know the routine. So they just, it's a big stupid riot scene. That's sort of fun, right? Yeah, I get it. It's supposed to be. Yeah. but they're just cutting around it like there's no actual like central like action scene

until you get Vinnie versus Vinnie Jones versus Slott well because we are just killing time to the fucking credits pull up in the driveway and wouldn't you know it our three heroes Sylvester Stallone Arnold Schwarzenegger and the guy from Iron Man

are all trying to break out of prison and one of them gets shot and killed guess who RIP Sly Oh no it is my new breast friend Javad, you've been shot in the gut. Oh, I would carry you, but I cannot. Anyway, you're one of the good ones.

Goodbye. And this guy is just like, hey, guy that I hated literally 26 hours ago, I will now sacrifice my life so that you may live on. Well, look, there's a payoff here. He gets to die, but he also gets to look like John McLean while he's dying. Yeah, that's kind of cool.

It's pretty cool, because he does just have like the white tank top undershirt on. and he's doing like a gun this way and another one that way and you're like oh man here it comes the badass moment for John that oh he was blown away immediately oh

and yeah insult some people though which is nice it does insult to injury time he says Al-Aqbar got his great and then Jim Kivisel just says whatever to it and literally whatever yowsa dude yeah man he fucking said it

he said it Mrs. Garabini and he said it that's right Jesus Christ said whatever to Allah Akbar and shot the guy. I like that one I fucking agree with you with. You got a point there a broken clock's right twice a day, you fucking divorced piece of shit.

Have you ever heard of Q? I'll be right down. Ooh, a little romance for Mrs. Garibetian. I like this. I like where that's going. I think Q drops about to hit her, right? Come on. It's...

Who would have guessed now we're fully in love! Will you marry me? Yeah, something like that. But, so now, it's really... And again, like, the divvying up of the action stuff, this is a Stallone Schwarzenegger picture, and it should be the two... Like, you know what I mean?

Like... Well, no, uh, uh, man. It's a Stallone Schwarzenegger picture. Exactly. Like, if Stallone kills Vinnie Jones, then Schwarzenegger has to kill Caviesel. That's just the... rules. I'm sorry. He gets them both.

He gets them both, which is total bullshit. Although, I will say Vinnie Jones just falling down these stairs is really funny. Fantastic. And I'm going to say, the Jim Caviesel death, it's more of a group effort. Everybody's putting in a little sweat on this one, I think. Schwarzenegger gets the assist at the very

least. Yeah, please. Oh, definitely. His stats are moving up a little bit, just on the area you want. I do love how Stallone escapes prison by being flushed down the toilet. It's kind of the most fitting representation. of this part of his career. I've got to go where the movies go.

Like, I just, I mean, I know he's a math genius, but I think he'd fucking drown. Yeah, well, like, they don't cover their tracks with like, yeah, man, one time I held my breath for five years. Yeah, exactly. You want at least that. Also, Ray Broson clearly has gills.

And you look at that neck. It's wonderful. Oh, yeah, it is a fucked up neck. It might be all kinds of shit in it. It's cool when Arnold gets the helicopter gun at least. Well, he finally gets to the chopper, which is... Oh, yeah. Nice.

You know. Now I get to go to the chopper. Now it's I who get through the chopper. All right, I'm staying with the chopper. Don't leave the chopper. Don't leave it. Oh, by the way, Sam Neal, he's gone. Oh, yeah.

You never see him again. What the fuck? Like, I literally called the helicopter to spring you from prison and you left me here. Yeah, he should be riding shotgun. Absolutely. Get in, losers. Oh, yeah, Jim Caviesel knows he did it. Oh, of course.

Well, he's dead, so. What is going to happen to all the prisoners, too? They're all just left on this fucking boat. Doesn't matter, man. The two stars got off the shit. No, what's happening is the sequel I would like, which is Khan Ship. Yes, yes, yes. No, the sequel to this movie would fucking ghost ship, those dudes are dead.

Everyone starved to death. It would be awesome, though, if, like, they take over the boat. Like, this is how the movie should end, right? They pointed back towards shore. They run at the ground, like, fucking speed two or something. Beautiful. It would be awesome. Or like Conair.

Or like Conair. Yeah, crash into the Hard Rock Cafe. Beautiful. Oh, man. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, I'm going to crash this into the Casablanca Hard Rock Cafe. Which I'm sure I saw on a T-shirt somewhere. There was one there once.

At the Port of Nevada. It used to be Rick's All-American Cafe. No, it's Hard Rock Cafe. Wow, they made it into a chain restaurant, huh? That's embarrassing. So, Jim Cavizal... There was a pseudo-Humphrey Bogart in person. He was in a film also called Casablanca.

Might have heard of it. So Jim Caviesel gets a double death. Yeah. They're on the helicopter, Schwarzenegger, and Stallone is hanging from it, and there's a bunch of... As always, there's just a bunch of oil barrels on your ship. Just hanging out for whatever reason. You need oil sometimes. Yeah, just hanging out there, of course.

Let me run to them. That's the part of the ship I want to stand on. Just, yeah, hug a barrel. So they shoot this thing, and he goes right up, blown up, and there's, like, a CGI fire figure, like, lands on, like... Oh, it's fucking funny. Some kind of, like... Crispy critters.

It's like an external freezer, but then they have to cut back to watch the In Flames corpse drop off the freezer. Oh, my God. Love it. Listen, it kind of, listen, it kind of, kind of almost makes watching this movie worth your time.

And then he comes back three days later. He's fooled me before. Why won't this guy stay down? How did I get into this cave? I told you we were in a cave.

So he's dead. Arnold, kind of shot but okay makes it out we get to land and there's like a Jeep that pulls up and out comes that CIA agent who's played by the mom from Belfast and it's

like surprise I'm Arnold's daughter okay sure and this is where I'm just like way well like there's so much happening at the end of it's like actually my name Rotemayo was a code name and that let her know where I was

did it because you used a piece of paper with garbage on it to fucking find out where you were. So how did she know? I mean, at this point, you might as well say this movie takes place on uranus. Yep. Like, this is just, at that point... I drew a butt.

I tried to tell you. There are so many unanswered questions like those. Okay, Stelot. I'll tell you how I did it. It's all on this piece of paper. God damn, you just drew another butt. you sly son of a bitch freeze frame on that

I'm gonna hang this above my table beautiful representation it's gorgeous gotta buy some more windex man there's so many loose ends so we have to kill Vincent DiNafrio in the most horrible way possible unbelievable you get the worse than Cavizal it's like the movie feels like it officially ended

and then they're like oh oh we forgot about that guy Dude, and speaking to Hannibal Lecter, now he comes out looking like Lecter at the end of that movie. I'm having an old friend for dinner. Another dumb fucking hat on my head. It's also 50 Cent can say, Sleepy Time, motherfucker. It's like, who are you?

Were you in this movie, too? It makes sense. His name's hush. Oh, dude, I forgot. His name is hush. Oh, man. The movie does not want you to forget that, though, because it is hush this and hush that.

Hush fucking farted. Hush said this. It's easy to get confused because the first time, like, he's yammering and Amy Ryan just says, hush, and I'm like, yeah, I would tell him to shut the fuck up too. But then you're like, oh, no, that's his name.

Great. And he's not a Batman villain? It's not until, like, minutes later, where it's just like, oh, that was Hush's idea or something like that. You're like, oh, that's his name. Dumb as shit. Yeah, I'm looking at his birth certificate here. Hush DeMargo. I wouldn't have never guessed that one.

That's kind of a cool name, actually. So he incapacitates Vincent Donofrio, Visidafrio wakes up in the same car, pseudo-naked, why did that need to happen? Right, right. Someone took, he took his clothes off? Oh, man. Well, I mean, that hat, you want to keep that.

Yeah. It would actually, because, yeah, he's in, like, just a tank top or whatever. It would be great if it's like tank top, tidy whiteies, but then the hat's still on his head. Beautiful. I would love that. And he just is on a shipping container going nowhere.

And he will starve to death one day, which is gruesome. He can't even get out of the car, and it won't start, he's done for, he's going to die. It would be funny to try to watch him, like, try to squeeze out the window. I mean, it's Vincent Donopro. He's humongous. He is.

He's, like, what, like, six, fours? Oh, he's a big dude. He's a young guy. I think the car was in him. That's how big he is. Million to one shot, Doc. All right, we're going to pay back on that car. We're going to trap it inside a big man.

And, of course, you wouldn't want to just end it there. We have to go back to the airport where once again, Stallone tells Amy Ryan, I guess I'll fuck you, I don't know. You're kind of fucking annoying, you know? And she's just like, oh, I was nominated for Oscar like three years ago. Yeah, yeah, totally.

Maybe you'll have sex with me, Sylvester Stallone. No, no, yeah, Stallone, I will be gone, baby gone. Right after this shot. There is a weird thing, too, where he's like, he asks Amy Ryan, like, so what happened to that former co-organ? as we spent many holidays together and stuff. And she's like, the asset has been terminated

or whatever it is. And I was like, you're just so casually talking about this guy, you murdered. And someone you worked with forever, like a co-worker. Anyway, I guess I want to kill my co-workers. You break out of prisons for a living. You're not a fucking assassin.

Why is this happening in the end of this movie? It should have been a thing where he pays Arnold to take care of it. Yeah, of course, because he's sort of a criminal underworld guy. Totally. Like, you see a helicopter, like, maybe picks the shipping container up off the thing and then just, like, dumps it in the middle of the ocean and it sinks.

That'd be great. Do you want Ratmaier to take care of it? Or Mannheim. Two different dudes, by the way. Two very different guys. Sugar and spice. Manheim's a little cooler. He'd probably, you know, kill him a little cooler.

But Ratmire is kind of like this. Oh, no. Rottmeyer and Mannheim have a date with the same. girl on the same night. Oh, I'll be right back. Oh, where's the bathroom in this Bucca de Bepo? Oh, it's so nice to see you.

I'm Mannheim. That's kind of like the sixth day. Yeah, kind of is. Oh, no, my clone is fucking my wife on the same night. I also plan to fuck my wife. My birthday fucking, he's taking... In my house, taking my... birthday fuck.

I mean, speaking of fuck, it freeze frames on Stallone putting his hand right above Amy Ryan's ass. And that's the closing shot. The fucking freeze frame. Are you kidding me? You couldn't freeze frame back on that beach with Sly and Arnold high-fiving?

That would be a nice way to end a movie that's supposed to be a sly. Just Stallone and Amy Ryan in a fucking parking lot and she's almost getting goose. Okay. Fucking great. And that's the end of the escape plan. That's it.

Horrible movie. Now, so unfortunately, we got to start wrapping it up here, but we want to thank all y'all for coming out. It's been so fantastic seeing you again. My heart belongs in Bean Town. Yeah, yeah, he did it. Again. Bean.

Big thanks to laugh, Boston, for having us. be sure to tip well and generously, folks. These are tough times. Indeed. Now, of course, I will say that, because I didn't ask at the top, actually, how many folks I've seen this live before?

All right. Very nice. DVD guys been in attendance before. Love it. You don't just bring a DVD to your first show. Yeah, that's true. That's some advanced level shit. Exactly.

Well, if you're unfamiliar, what we like to do here is end every We Hate Movies Live show. with just a little bit of correspondence from the place on the internet where you can get the absolute best and totally not unhinged

writing on film the internet movie databases user review section yes Cahir de Moron you better not be posted on the IMDP you piece of shit as a tight store movie

shut the hell up there I can't believe we're already divorced Oh no, they didn't make it Oh, I'm glad we got the whole arch Yeah, yeah What are you doing, giving, taking two ten stars? And then it's so bittersweet while he's packing up

And moving out So I guess I'll just go downstairs again It was too much heartbreak to stay in the building And don't worry, I'll keep the TV down We just wrote a sequel and it's sad as fuck Dude, I think these two are going to work out after all. You're right. It's crazy kids.

I'll give up the History Channel. I'm going on to Discovery Planet now. So we've got a few for you here. So let's see, one out of ten stars. Oh, no. Yeah, bummer. A movie for men who like manly men movies. Yeah!

You hear that? I wrote it. Written by Marcus Superman. Oh, Marcus Spearman's. That's a huge difference. Huge difference. Hi, I'm Marcus Superman. I'm here for the job.

October 1st, 2013. So, seen around the time the movie came out. Okay. This movie is the perfect... I'm going to read it exactly how it's written because it's funnier when you point out stuff, right? So this movie is the perfect for men who like other men. Pardon?

Not wrong. everything about this movie is masculine. This movie will join, or this will join the ranks of classic men's entertainment. Like over the top. And Playboy magazine. I wish, because the other example is, or stop or my mom will shoot.

Oh, wow. Which they wrote, stop and my mom will shoot. Which is, I think, a better representation of American policing. I'm not going to stop if you're, mom's going to shoot, dude. If you've ever wanted to see two of the manliest old geysers in cinema history bonding with each other while locked up together

in prison with other manly men, this is the film for you. Is it? The hell? It's a geyser-pleaser. It's kind of a geyser-pleaser. Wow, all right. Fuck yeah.

And I'm sure, by the way, the perfect movie for that, kind of stuff is clearly gay pornography. Yes, if you're going not far into it. It's right there. I recommend that over this film. Oh, definitely. Shorter runtime. Get to the good stuff. Okay, let's see.

What's that? No, I'm laughing at the good stuff. That's the good stuff. That's the good stuff. It is good for. Young people would say, so, okay, this is a bromance or a man crush. But it's not.

It's 80-style man-on-man action all the way. This is a troll. I'm sorry, this is a troll. There's no way. There's just no way. I don't know what else to say. This is the best part. I don't know what else to say about how excited I am for this movie.

Will Sylvester live up to his nickname of the Italian Stallion? I can't wait to find out. You fucking didn't watch it yet. You're writing a review. You're posting in public on the internet about a thing you haven't seen. Did they give it stars and everything? One out of ten stars. One out of ten.

Oh, okay. I thought they liked it. I thought they liked it. It's all unhinged on this dirtbag website. The Tribune must be burned to the ground. Absolutely. Seriously. Tamara.

One other quick one star review. This is great. One out of ten stars, subject line, super disappointed in Jim Caviesel. Can you be? It's so low now. And actually, funny enough, you say that, Chris Cabin, written by Julie Pierce Harris, April the 4th, 2021.

Well, there you go. All right, so that's... You should know. I thought Jim Caviesel had better taste and sense that to choose such a movie with such foul language. This is some real loser shit coming up. I watched solely because he was in it

I'm sorry I did Wow You know women could get divorced too actually That goes both ways All right we got one more for you this evening Oh boy Ten out of ten stars There we go

Even though I dislike the film I'm happy Okay Forget the hate This movie is good for Sylvester fans, is the subject line. Sylvester fans. You got a few of them here today? Love cats.

Written by Yashiraj 536, July the 8th, 2015. Escape Plan is a great movie. I loved it. It was a great entertainment for me. Both Arnie and Sly were good in this movie. What's not good is his functioning comma button on this keyboard, apparently. As a Stallone fan, I have watched many of his movies, including the Rocky and Rambo franchises.

But I've never seen Sylvester Stallone as a jailbreaker. Quite interesting for me. Oh, look, it sounds like somebody didn't watch lockup. The famous movie, Lockup. Can some lockup music, Paul? Yeah, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Locking me up and lock. me out.

Top ten prisons tonight, Paul. The one on the boat. Arnie was good in this role after Terminator, and he was also genius. Yeah. As Sly is shown in this movie, the plans of escapes shown in this movie. Pardon?

I told you, I'm reading it just like it's written. Sure. We're just awesome because I never seen like this before. Him plan escape good. Escape good plan me. And the jail made by the help of Sly's book was just a tough jail. And the escape plan of Sly was just insane.

It was. I mean, it was, to be fair, it was insane. Tough jail. Tough jail. I mean, you know, he flushes him, down a toilet at the end of it. It's pretty tough. Pretty tough stuff. Overall, it was a top-notch

entertainment, and I liked it. As a Stallone fan, I liked it very much. Doesn't sound like, he didn't watch lockup. He's not Stallone. This is incorrect. They're not, they're not correct. It is entertainment, font, use your minds. It says font. I don't know, maybe that was four. It's entertainment. Don't use your minds. Maybe that's what it is.

Maybe. This guy is not a fan of using his mind. Well, he's also just so eager to post the IMDB user reviews that he's not fucking proofreading. It's entertainment. Don't use your minds. Just watch it freely, and you will like it. Hail Hollywood! We've been We Hey Movies from New York City.

Thank you guys. Thank you for coming out, Boston. It has been an awesome time seeing you all again. We are so glad you're here. We're so glad we are safe. We will see you next time. Bye-bye. See you guys.

Thank you, everybody. that I ever had I bought the law and I'm the law one That was a hate gum podcast