We Hate Movies - S12 Ep629: Footloose (Live in Nashville)

Episode Date: August 30, 2022

Recorded live at City Winery, November 21, 2021, in Nashville, TN This week on the program, the guys have one more week to soak up the sun before the start of season 13, so they're releasing their hilarious show on Footloose, recorded live in the great city of Nashville! Why did this town think to outlaw dancing, but not drunk driving? Is this the most handsome Chris Penn ever looked on screen? And how about that wild opening foot montage? PLUS: Eric tells us all about the time he saw John Lithgow's naked behind!  Footloose stars Kevin Bacon, Lori Singer, John Lithgow, Dianne Wiest, Chris Penn, John Laughlin, and Sarah Jessica Parker as Rusty; directed by Herbert Ross. Catch the guys on the road this fall in the U.S.A. AND their Canadian debut in Toronto! Tickets on sale now! Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new MINGO!, WHAT IF Donna?, Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

POMAYOR. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to be able to I don't know.

We're going to be. We're going to be. We're going to be. We're going to be. I don't know. Oh, you know. summer's drawn to a close almost here. You know, we're getting to that point where we're like,

have we been on vacation too long? But we are still kicking back for another week, folks. And that's why we're bringing you this week. Our episode on Footloose recorded live at the beautiful city winery in Nashville, Tennessee. Where there isn't a ban on dancing, I was mistaken when I got there

and I was telling everybody, you got to get out of here, you can't dance here. And, you know, I was wrong. I shouldn't have done that. It was, it's just, It's Lithgow's world that that happens. Chris was actually arrested in Nashville for impeding dance, which is actually ironic enough, that's the crime there. Not even dancing is so legal that to impede it is illegal.

Yeah, I threw Molotov cocktails into the ballet school, and they just got really angry at me, and I'm sorry. It's my fault. What a weird thing to do. So, as you can tell, we had a blast in Nashville, especially that ballet that exploded. And yes, we also have a ton of great Patreon content on our Patreon feed. We got Robocop on the We Love Movies, $5 level for $3.

You get the Dilbert cartoon episode. We got an amazing, the wrong roommate, once in a lifetime at the $10 level. A Christmas-themed, Beverly Hills 902 on episode, which is wild. Oh, yeah. It's really crazy. And folks, you cannot let these values pass you by. you cannot for 10 bucks you get 550 hours and some a lot less those other ones but it's an amazing value FYI can I can I break real news here because since we're all friends we're all friends here do it dude

and this November not this December will be we love movies month we're doing a scheduling change we want to let you folks know in advance because I know you guys like to you know plan around this stuff that's right John in the back room does not want to move up we love movies month to November, but we're going to do it for you anyway right now, folks. We don't care if we go to jail. Yeah, we want to have some more Christmas. Speaking of the Beverly Hills, 902 episode, which is available now in August. We want to have some Christmas content for you in December, which we almost never do because we're doing really good stuff.

So that's kind of the reason for that change, and we've got a lot of really cool titles coming your way for free on this November. That's right, Steve. And just, you know, we're talking about all these offerings in August. but of course, as folks know, We Hate Movies, Patreon is a year-round thing, and we got some really cool stuff coming your way for season 13, so keep that in mind, folks. We are out here.

John in the back room is getting really upset. We're offering all this information up front. He is going to have me arrested. Don't you worry about it. He'll definitely kill you to let you know that. If I let you know that, the Patreon, WLM month, we're going to do a W-HM on the Patreon during that month.

John told me not to tell you. Oh, no, John's going to be so bad. You're not supposed to tell anybody that information. John is going to be so upset. John's going to put us in jail with Kevin Bacon, who has been dancing like a maniac in the town where it's illegal in Footloose. That is right, Chris Cabin. So as our summer vacation is starting to wind down here,

we are going to get ready to get back into the studio and start production on season 13 of We Hate Movies. But until then, please enjoy this episode on Footloose live from the beautiful city winery in Nashville, Tennessee. I've been I've been working so hard I'm punching my car ain't ever for work

Oh tell me what I got I've done this evening The time's just a hornie Now I've got to cut the Steve's shaking up the beer Steve's shaking up the beer for everyone Nashville, what is happening? Oh, hi there.

Loose. Oh, there we go loose. Perfect. It's the erotic thriller, sweeping the nation. What the fuck movie did you watch? What about the loose feet? You know, the good news is... Oh, man, wait.

Well, like a loose footsie, like someone's under the table going like... You ever get one of those? Sick. I never have. You'll never wear shoes again. footloose he's chopping off ladies' feet you know if the song

the show gets a little like kind of dicey just play that song again in full because they do that three times in the movie so that's right we got to fill the quota tonight we paid for it yeah you don't want that payoff at the end you just want them to be very familiar with the song

by the time it bursts out at the end it's a good one oh boy Nashville how are you doing this evening All right, I like that. I like that. This has been great. This is night three of our down south road trip. So thanks for coming out tonight.

Thank you for doing your part to save fucking humanity and getting vaccinated. That's very cool of you. Very cool of you to do such an easy thing if you can even fucking stand it. So we've been shaking it off the last couple of weeks here and I think finally in preparation for seeing all of you this evening,

we might just be ready to go. What do you think? Yeah, okay. Let's give it a shot. Sure. You good? Yeah, yeah, let's do it. Should we play fucking Footley?

I want to play Footsie instead. Man, that felt good. I had never done it, you know? Yeah. But it's like really kind of nice. You always struck me as more of a Heaven Help the Man type person. What is that? That's the other song that Kenny Loggins.

Oh, okay. I thought that was like, is that Hansy? Is that what Hans he's called? Steve just looked across to me like, where is this going? Where's he talking about? You guys were okay with that discussion, right? Yeah.

I didn't say hands help the man. I said heaven help the man. Got it, got it, got it. Welcome back to Loggins chat. It's got to be log jam, right? Log jamming. Yeah, welcome back to the log jam. That's what they should call his inevitable serious channel

is the log jam. We're tuning into the logjam. All right. Ready? Yeah. Cool. My name is Andrew Jupin. I'm Chris Kavan. Eric Siska.

Steven Sade-Ax. And we are, we-hame movies from New York fucking city. Ladies and gentlemen, how you doing this evening? All right. The motion picturing question, as you may have guessed, is footloose from 1984, directed by Herbert Ross, director of previous episode, Undercover Blues. Better know. Crickets.

That's exactly right. That's exactly right. for classics like The Last of Sheila Pennies from Heaven and the Michael J. Fox movie, The Secret of Banging. Yeah, I think that the alternate

title for that movie was fucking my way to the top. Secret of my success, I think. Yes, that's the one. Yeah, yeah. Michael J. Fox plays a little slut. Oh, no, you know what he is in that, Eric. He's a gritty shaga! Ooh, nice. It's good work if you can get it. Are you telling me,

I'm banging 60-year-old broads? in this movie. Great Scott. Marty, you gotta keep on doing it. Marty, I didn't shoot yet. You gotta keep going. I like to watch.

I'm watching it in the quarter. When this cock ring hates 88 miles per hour. Oh, there it is. Apologies. Took that one right over the finish line. Yeah, Steve, if you had to distill this movie down to its sexy essence. What is this movie about?

It's about a stone cold fox that comes to town to a crappy backwoods town that has outlawed dancing. Straight up outlawed folks. Death penalty, if caught sashaying, I think. You know, I am watching my way, but I'd be eating this bacon all up

if I had it to myself. This motherfucker, man. Dude, it's some thick-cut slab on this guy. A 1984 Kevin Bacon? Whoa. there was a whatever there was a producer that wasn't sure he was sexy enough

and then like he had like screen tests like yeah I guess he's sexy well who is he demanding Steve Gutenberg maybe or like a Tom Cruise type they did want Tom Cruise he was unavailable and then they wanted a Daryl Hannah for Ariel so they got

Darrell Hannah's clone Lori Singer Singer yeah which it's funny because she would she would have played a character named Ariel and she left this movie to go star and Splash. Also a mermaid, folks. That's what that jump was there.

And it was a real A to F reaction. Yeah, he's like a little turd from Chicago. We kind of feel, they don't tell you what's going on in the movie, kind of feel like he and his mother are running away from the father who's got mafia problems. Yeah, or where the cartel is involved. They never say, like they're always staying

at this weird crooked uncle's house. And you never know why. But it's always just like, Wren, keep your head down in school. And every time a car drives by the front window, go like that. Yeah, we're from the Gambina family. No, shit. Here's a question I want to put out to the three of you.

The opening sequence of this movie, like the credit sequence, Quentin Tarantino's favorite film opening of all time? No, no, no, no, no. that's life in a cage man let them out free them free them from the shoes and the socks right yeah you need too many shoes here man barefoot could have been like the sequel yeah there's a lot of dude feet there's only only a few like strappy high heels only a few in the opening they're covered up with stockings though what a tease I mean Kenny Loggins has got solid gold shoes in this dancing

sequence we were finding out that's doing it for someone I feel oh for sure doing it for me Yeah, like, you know, when we were talking about Footsie earlier, imagine a solid gold footsie, like, you know, a guy with gold shoes. Because those precious metals get a little slippery. So you want to, like, play footsie with,

like, fucking Kanye West or something? Oh, no, gold shoes. You're playing two... You're playing for keeps with this footsie game. That's right, Mr. Bond. I'm going to rub your foot till there's nothing left. Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tick.

Cool. It all works. You're giving me a blistered. That's mad. Bloody mad. Yeah, so his name is Wren, which is something. I need to know what it is. I need to see

the full one, because I thought Renton at first, Renly, but I've settled on Renfield. Oh, a descendant from Dracula's little slave guy there? Yeah, because I mean, I believe the mafia one, cartel, that makes sense, but also Dracula being the father

of this young so-and-so. I can believe it, I can see it, you know. You've got to stop dancing. It's driving me batty. Get out of here. Well, he does have the supernatural charm of a Dracula, right? Because he looks at Ariel and church and he just goes

like... Oh, yeah, yeah. It's pretty great. One of those. To be footloose, you have to be double-jointed and Hungarian. No, Dad. I'm not going to ask everybody if I can come inside. I'm just going to walk inside, okay? God damn it. You're a disgrace

to this family. That music sucks. So I like that in this Dracula lore, he can go inside but he just asks, you know, because he's a nice guy. He's Dracula, the world's most polite vampire. We are a family. We should go in together.

I don't mean to be rude, but can I come in? This movie, after the foot fetish montage, we get We're introduced to John Lithgow. He's playing this, like, fascist preacher in this movie. And he's given the old song and dance about, like, dancing leads to smoking. Smoking leads to more sexier dancing.

And that sexier dancing leads to pornography addiction. And the next thing you know, the town's flushed down the toilet. And also car accidents. Yes. Dancing leads to car accidents. So what happened there? So, like, his son? It's his son that perished?

A fire, fiery wreck? Firey wreck, dude. And he was dancing while driving? I mean, that's the point out there. No, see, that's the thing, right? Because it's so easy to blame dancing and rock and roll when it was good old-fashioned drunk driving. Well, exactly.

And there are laws against that already, good ones. You say that, but the detective on the scene said this guy was mid-limbada when this was happening, okay? Wait, the feet are still warm. Yeah, he was dancing. He was dancing in the car. That's classic. This is classic jitterbug.

Found Sunday shoes on her, Jack. Gross. This looks like a meringue gay to me. I do love, but you're right. He's a fascist preacher, but the movie would have you believe he's a fascist preacher with a heart of gold. Because at the end, like, he turns into the good guy. Well, because they're playing both sides.

It was 84. Fascism was involved. It's true. Man, it is cool how true. friends repeat themselves, is it not? Fascist leader, heart of gold, and abusive to his daughter, so he's really all the package.

Right in one. Surprise, Progresso wants to pay this sicko. Progresso soup! I've had too much Progressor soup, now I have to take a progressive poop. They should sell those. Campbell's is outlawed here.

Oh, definitely. Yeah, so, like, kind of talking with Kevin Bacon outside, like, welcome to the church, yada, yada. He's, what is he busting his balls about and someone has to be, like, they've literally been in town for eight hours? What is it? John Lithgow's like, if you checked out

you know, like the local library or some shit. We're burning books there later, it's gonna be great. Oh yeah, get ready for the book burning in this movie. That's quite something. I think he's asking him, like, you know, to prayer circles, like those things, like a prayer can't, I don't know what the thing. Sunday school?

There you go. There you go. Something like that. I think that's what it is. Got it. And then, you know, his sexy daughter is like, hey, hey, dad, mind if I go take a ride and almost kill myself? This girl... It's a great way to get decapitated

when she's trying to... Like, if your goal is to be decapitated, do what this girl does. Decapitate, really? I would think the guillotine's the best way to do this. This is the best way to get obliterated. There's nothing left of her if this truck goes right through.

It would be a nice split down the middle. Why didn't they ever do that? You know, there's so many fancy executions, governments, and people have come up with. Why don't we just, like, cut someone straight in half in the middle? I guess magicians took that. Yeah. Yeah, that's...

And you can't mess with that guild, dude. They're all unioned up and whatnot. The secrets of cutting someone to happen. I just... And somebody, like, in the maintenance department was like, I'm not cleaning that out. Could you just fucking cut their head off, please? There's got to be a drain in this floor.

I can't be mopping all this up. It's going to take days. I don't know, man. I think, like, if a jigsaw was appointed, like, leader of the Department of Corrections or some shit. Then you'd get what you're looking for, Eric, but not until then. Yeah, and the only way to prevent that, ladies and gentlemen,

get out and vote, okay? Because, well, you know, yeah, Jigsaw became leader of the free world so quickly, we didn't even notice. Sliped right in there. Hello, Germany. Want to play a game? Stupid. No, Lithgow's daughter, this Ariel,

like, she really wants out of this mortal coilman. This is the first of two clear suicide attempts in this movie. Because we're doing the old, like, driving along the country road and the pickup truck and all that shit. And then, like, this other dude comes along, and this is... What's his name? Chuck. Chuck. The boomer's

my boyfriend. Truck. Truck. There it is. And they do this, like, we're going to ride side by side. You saw it in the trailer. And she's doing, like, Quentin Tarantino presents Death Wish, speaking of QT. Just, like, hanging between these two cars, like, dumb shit. This is why you should dancing. Yes. Because that you let

you know, that's your release for all those kinds of emotions and urges and all that shit. If you can't dance, you're fucking straddling two trucks the next thing you know. Straight to death proof, huh? Stradling two trucks, I saw JCVD did that once in a commercial. Beautiful. Very sexy. Beautiful form. Oh my God. The problem, I mean,

we'll talk about the editing in this movie. This, like, it's literally, the truck is maybe, maybe 50 feet from the cars when this happens. And they edit and she sounds like, Slippin. I just magically get in here. She's not a skid mark.

Surprise. If you're the friends, you've got to be like, you're not allowed to ride with us anymore, okay? Yep. A, I don't need that on my conscious. I don't need that on my fucking record. I'd like to go to college next year. Like, I'd like to not be in prison.

You know, Ariel, here's the thing. You're not getting a ride anymore for two reasons. One, whenever we pick you up for school, we always have to sit outside honking the horn for 15 minutes. Very annoying. Also, the whole death wish thing. It's just, my insurance is not. This always happens, right?

You got the older sibling, does something the younger one wants to do it to, die in a car wreck. No, no, I would love to play hopscotch on the third rail. I would love to do that. That sounds great. But, Mom, he died in a wreck. Fine, Jimmy gets to go out hereditary style, and I know it. I get it. I don't know, just finish your meal, and we'll see if you can die in a car wreck.

All of a sudden, you become responsible parents. These grades are very low. Someone's not going to die. Be average for suicide. Yeah, no, no. So then, like, again, because the editing in this movie is horrible, magically it's fucking nighttime. We are still on this drive.

And they pull into an American graffiti-esque, like, drive-through food place where the movie kind of hints that this is a musical, but then totally abandons that idea immediately because Ariel gets out of the car she turns on a very tiny, tiny little cassette deck and starts playing tunes and you hear

the music getting like piped out in places where it shouldn't be like the grease trap of this restaurant. Because it's supernaturally evil. Yeah. I mean they come to Alberta, Canada for a scene in this whole thing and I'm just like, that doesn't work. The world is waking up to this music.

Like there's people in bathrooms just dance into this shit. There's a woman with the closed door and a phone booth just like, yeah. I mean, John Lithgow literally says, this is not going to be a musical. So he turns it off, and everybody stops dancing,

including the cook who's behind seven walls from this music. Dude, and he is staring daggers at this daughter like he's the goddamn T-800. Like, he hits stop on the cassette deck and the score goes, bum-bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. But if I'm like the... grease trap cook or anyone of

legal voting age, I'm like, hey, is this going to come up for a vote at some point? Can I dance to rhythm and or blues at some point as an adult? Maybe it's like a privacy of your own home thing. Oh, okay. Just don't do it out in front of me, pal. I don't want to see dancing. You don't have to

open a trap door to dance in my basement? Is that how does that happen? Open the storm doors. I'm getting the urge to dance. Oh, I'm feeling the wotutsi and me. Well, you know, it's a thing where we learned, like, the whole town's run by seven people. Yes.

Something like that. You expect a turn to be like it's a fucking coven of witches or something. It's the Council of Owls. If it took a real, like, hot fuzz turn at the end of the movie? It would be something. They start killing people. Nice. We're introduced with them, like, what, like they want to ban Slaughterhouse Five and get some

English teacher fired? Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, they totally, like, ruined some English teacher's life. And then some woman's like, ooh, what a title. Slaughterhouse. Ooh, ah, ooh. And Kevin Bacon just goes, hey, you know what? that's a pretty good book

and it's like they look at him like he just tossed a slur out of his mouth books are dangerous there could be gumbies in them I do love that this lady is just getting into it with him just like well maybe that's a classic that's a classic

that's a classic in other cities and he's like it's a classic in every city and I'm like I don't know he says that never having suffered a gumby attack oh hey Eric wake up God, bone-chillies. It's a demon.

Gumbi's kind of a, he's a book demon. He must be a demon, right? Gumbi? Yeah, I never saw the first episode. Did he, like, originate in, like, the Necronomicon? Yeah, yeah. It's incredible that you actually knew that right off your head like that. I haven't only seen one episode.

Man, Gumbie. Now I'm just thinking about Gumbi. I know, it's great. You know, because, like, an Evil Dead 2 or whatever, they're, like, claymation in there. A lot of Claymation. in that movie. It's a natural fit. So it's like, instead of like the zombie

pounding on the door, like that disgusting goo character popped out. Hello, Bruce Kappa. I'd grab a chainsaw. Well, we're going to be dead by dawn. Goodbye. I do, I like the idea of this English teacher like trying to rap with the kids.

He like comes in and turns the chair around. We're going to read Slaughterhouse five. Oh, wait, I'm fired. It's just, it's a book. you can teach anywhere but this fucking town. What? Slaughterhouse, what? No, no, no, no. That has slaughter in it. We only do that to Latin

American countries. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no. So he becomes fast friends with the late Chris Penn at school. Chris Penn, I have to say, great in this movie. He's good. He's good. Absolutely kicking ass. Also, pretty beefy. I'll be honest, he was going to be some feelings.

Hunktown. He was going to be some feelings. I'd foot that man Big problem though It's like a teenage kid in 1984 named Willard I do The first day of school

Rand is like all dressed like he's going to a fucking Devo show he's got a tie And his mom is even like Dude that's too much She has a great line She says something like Well you can be David Bowie when you get to college Yeah

It's just like act as if you've been there before Do you see these fucking cowboy hats Do you see any Prague ties? This mom is used to playing put-upon characters, the woman playing the mom. She's also the grandmother and back to the future. The mom and gremlins, hold that poor woman. One step away from family annihilation at all times in that fucking family.

After seeing those two dads, maybe she's better off alone, honestly. Those two are both an inventor who's just hanging out in the middle of a Marriott warehouse. I mean, I don't need it. Maybe that's why she left. They're on the run from their inventor husband. I mean, and before we even get to the school, it's very apparent that this town is shitting all over their children.

Two points. One, in the car, before she is supposed to be obliterated. Yeah. They're all talking about, like, our... Feses? Yes, there is feces. There's shit. I'm about to talk about shit, so get ready.

I got something for that after. Okay. The four girls are talking about, like, this girl got pregnant even dancing's illegal but fucking is still very legal it turns out and then there is this kid in church couldn't be older than seven years old

who looked like he was out all night smoking and drinking it's a seven year old kid like and then the father hits him he's like uh dude that brought back some fond memories of me napping

in church. Oh, man. So here's mine. So, you know, there's like a fisting, right? Yeah, I know that. Is there like footing? Has anyone dead? Oh, I'm sure.

There has to be a footing, right? Oh, yeah. I want to be on the record. I haven't seen it. Yes. I'm positive that's true, but I don't know that that's true. Yeah, it must be true. I'm pretty positive there was zero segue there whatsoever.

Well, no, he's, well, he started with shit, and I felt like the natural orifice for a footing would be the, The pooper, yeah. Sure, the natural orifice, indeed. I'm just planting ideas out there. If it's not a thing yet, maybe it will be. Someone is inspiring the people. Do we have info

on what happened to that girl who got pregnant? Because I feel like what they're insinuating there is like Lithgow ran the whole family out of town. Yes. Oh no, your house burned. Whoops! Oh, I'm sorry, who broke the dancing laws. Now your mother is dead.

The shittiest thing is one of the girls in the car is like, hey, I'm dating him, okay? Stop talking shit about my fucking Lakshky goddamn husband, 2B. Was that SJP? No, it's a different one. One of the other two nobodies.

Sarat Jessica Parker is also in this movie, a young, young Sarah Jessica Parker. So yeah, they become, him and Chris Penn become fast friends. They are driving in his little VW bug. There's a lot of vehicles in this movie. Kevin Bacon is like nine cars and three motorcycles.

Well, they move to a white trash town. Okay. And he gets pulled over for playing rock and roll music. Uh-oh. Board cops alert. Never a good sign. And this kid's getting slapped in the face by this cop. He's like with his own driver's license.

The guy's swatting him. Like, bad shit, man. You were doing a quiet ride in a blue grass lane. And it's a $25 fee we come to find. It is. Yeah. Come on, feel the handcuffs around here. But at dinner, they're basically telling, like, hey, Wren,

tone it down. It's not the right kind of town for this. And what it is the kind of town for is an eight-year-old girl who is your cousin to say, Ren's a fox. Oh, yeah. Welcome to Utah. Honey, I think her sister should maybe look into a Marriott. Maybe, look, do we know anybody with an extra room?

Yeah, I don't want him to get footloose with my daughter, okay? We got all sorts of laws banning books and dancing and whatnot, but incestuous activity, big old shoulders rug. Footloosing with cousins, totally okay. Dude, oh, Sean Penn, or Sean Penn, my God, I wish, I fucking wish. Chris Penn hearing Kevin Bacon, like, Kevin Bacon tells him a tall tale in the cafeteria. Oh, yeah.

About like, oh, where I come from, there's all sorts of dance clubs and I'm, like, foot deep in it every weekend. It's such a great story because he's like, yeah, one time me and a lady had sex. That actually didn't happen. But Chris Penn is hanging on this dude's every word

and it's like a... Dude, I think I heard a... What happened next? I heard a bang under the cafeteria table. You don't mind if I start early, do you? There it is. Start early. By the way, I appreciate the visual demonstration.

Of course. Just in case people were missing out. You even went to the right location, which is delightful. Hey, man, this is a great story. Can you do me a favor and call me back at 9 p.m. in my room with this one? That's really good. Wait, wait, wait, let me go get a tape recorder. Hang on.

Go again. No, can you lower your voice? Almost like an ASMR type thing. I kind of need to hear it that way to get rid of going. That's always the thing. like, dude, you can save your sex story, that's cool. A, you're lying because no one's ever had sex.

Of course. I mean, everybody knows that. Everybody knows this. No, yeah. It's a fake thing. Made up by the big Hollywood elites. Media, I would say. Tall table. Tall table. Tall tail. Like Paul Bunyan. Yeah. Yeah. And I just don't want to hear. And then, me and her

went, oh. And I'm like, get the fuck out of here, man. I don't know. I'm trying to eat lunch. Listen, we've all been friends like 20 years and the record is clean and let's fucking keep it that way and never want to hear a second of it you all might as well be virgins for all I know

and that's great. We'll see where the show takes us. Okay, gotcha. You might share some stories. I would be questioning Kevin Bacon. I mean, if I'm Chris Penn here, I would be questioning him already because he's on the cafeteria line and what does he ask for in a school cafeteria

in Utah? Fish please. Fish. That's a, you're trying to get out of school early. It's like, maybe if I vomited in fifth period. I don't think Lori Singer is the only one who's looking to die here, is all I'm saying. Fish at a high school, I think you're looking for death. So Chris Penn is like, oh, cool sex story about going to that dance club or whatever that lie was.

But you're going to be shit out of luck here, man. No dancing. It's illegal. And this is where Kevin Bacon thinks that Chris Penn is now lying and he's like, get the fuck out of here. and then he recants the tale of like, oh yeah, five years ago a bunch of kids died, so now dancing no more.

On a night just like tonight. Well, that would be great if this movie is like exactly this movie and like, you know, they're trying to do the town dance. They do it, footloose plays and then like, oh man, I'm really tired. Can't wait for the lottery tomorrow. And then Kevin Bacon's like, what's the lottery?

And it's just Shirley Jackson's the lottery at the very end. Well, have a good harvest. fucking hit with rocks. Or cans of Progressor soup. Dependously. Either one. Ooh, yeah. She's been pelted with cans of soup by John Lithgow.

That's a rock you can use afterwards. That's a great death penalty. They fly in Lithgow to wherever you're in jail. Oh, my God. And he hucked soup cans at your head until you're no more. I would definitely do that one. Clambisk! I mean, so, yeah, we find out that

it is illegal to dance in this town. And apparently, Lithgow and the Chuck's father, who I think is the other head of this whole thing. Chuck Sr. Yeah, nice. They have like a sequoer, like the emperor has in Dune.

They have this fleet of guys that just work in this town trying to kill anybody who might dance or set them up. There is this unbelievable scene where Richie, who we never have met before, apparently his new best friend offers him a joint

and then immediately a coach comes in to try to bust him. This is the worst kind of high school student. The dude who's willing to gnarc with the fucking school administration backing him? What is this? I've never seen a thing like it in my life. That's a whole town wired, man. Also, like, it's a dude that's clearly like 30 years old

and he's like, well, say there, fellow student, would you like this marijuana cigarette? It's so weird to like, A, like, yeah, You live in this weird repressive town that, you know, dancing is illegal. You love your, you have so much town pride that you're like a little fucking brown shirt fucking trying to run people out of town.

That's the thing, dude. Lithgow is like creating this weird, nationalistic isolationist, is fucking garbage town. And those four guys are totally on board with it. Exactly. Really strange stuff. Books are banned except for, of course,

mine comf. That was me trying to do Lithgow. Didn't happen. I think Dracula's spoiled the will. I mean, just imagine being like what he's supposed to be 17 years old, which, okay, whatever. Yeah, sure, yeah, well. And, like, you're just like, I can't fucking wait to bust this motherfucker for doing the fox trot. I can't fucking wait.

But you're also, like, in on it with the gym teacher? Because, like, the way it works is the gym teacher comes in. Bacon realizes it's a setup and, like, flushes the thing down the toilet. The next day, like, hey, principal, that guy's fucking crooked. Yeah. It's also crazy that, like, the only sport the school has is gymnastics in a town where dance is illegal? And this is...

That's like a loophole or something. Totally. Like, well, I think it's a thing where it's like you're only on, like, the apparatus is no floor routine. You know, there is a floor routine, but a guy just kind of watches like, uh, uh, oh, uh, oh, no, that's it. All right, yeah. That foot is loose up there.

I don't like that. Uh, where was I going to go with that? something. Oh, no. An example of the heinous fucking C-team editing in this movie is when we're coming out of the narking scene where he's like, I don't want this marijuana cigarette and flushes it.

And the gym teacher is like, you know, someday I'm gonna get, and like the sentence isn't even finished. And it cuts to Kevin Bacon swinging around on these uneven bars. Which like, I'll tell you something right now. Did not anticipate gymnastics in this movie. Did not see that

coming. I think it was probably like, my biggest twists in six cents. Yeah. Like, I see dead people and what the fuck is he doing gymnastics for it? Pol-loose would be the name of that movie, the gymnastics.

Oh, man, that'd be a good stripper movie too. Oh, wait, wait, wait, stripper murder mystery. Oh, yeah. Right, like the pole was loose and somebody went flying? This pole's been tappered with because yes, Morgan Freeman would be in the movie.

Yeah, it's the next Alex Cross mystery, pole loose. I mean, the editing, one reason the editing is so terrible is they had six motherfuckers working as the stunt team for Kevin Bacon who apparently was not allowed to learn how to dance more than just

like a couple scenes where you can do the thing. Do you know how hard it is to find six people that had sex with their mother? What? You said motherfucker. Oh. Keep up people. Well see here's the thing. You said six which took

my brain to six degrees of Kevin Bacon. And I didn't know what fuck you were talking about. Well, is that what Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon is? It's just stun people who dance. Is that how that works? Oh, I thought if you did like six degrees, you'd find someone's mother who Kevin Bacon fucked by Eric's logic.

Absolutely, he's probably a granny shagger. Oh, for sure. Yeah. My mother wishes. Everyone's mother wish. Kevin Bacon. Yes, Steve. There is a brief, like, post-coital scene between Ariel and Chuck,

which is like, she is like buttoning up her pants, man I really can't wait to get out of this town this town is terrible I mean look at what I'm fucking here it's so awful and this guy is like what are you talking about babe why would you ever want to leave why would you ever and it's like dude she's buttoning up her pants after fucking you on the dirtiest rug I've ever seen in the middle of the woods plus you got a $60 ticket for shibbing in the hallway just a little shibby that's it honey I could be the assistant manager of the lard mill in like five years. You just stick it with me.

I kind of think this, the reason they don't get a principal, I think, is because this seems like one of those, those actual towns are so small that like a cat or a dog is the actual mayor of the town. Oh yeah, those places are wild, man. I think a pig runs this school.

I think that's probably why they're not going to... Because like, why care? The fucking council runs everything. Wouldn't that conflict with the lard mill? Look, he's special. He's the special one. That's why they're serving fish in the cafeteria and I'm hot dogs.

That was his first bill. No more barbecue. Man, a pig with a little bow tie. I would be like, I would vote for it. Dude, principal pig? That's a show somewhere. I don't know what network would take it, but, you know, Animal Planet.

Louis Anderson as principal pig. Guys, you're going to detention. He would be doing the voice only, Obviously. Oh, yeah, no, it's not like the Mad TV sketch Babe Watch. Wow. Set your clocks back 35 years for that reference. But I don't know what happens, but basically like...

Tractor fight? It was right... Oh, yes, of course the tractor fight. He's like driving out with Sean, with Chris Pet. God damn it. Sorry, I'm sorry. No, it's not your fault. It's everyone.

I'm sorry. One's dead and one's career is dead. I'm sorry. This one directed the crossing guard. Is that my career in there? Hang on a second. About half of you were just like, oh, my God, John Pratt Chuggs. Oh, my God, leave him alone.

Like, he's giving you Christmas presents next month. But, like, him and Chris Petter driving out, and this guy, Chuck is like, hey, man, you look like a pansy or something like that. Yeah, that is. Yeah, and he's just like, oh, I thought only assholes said pansies. It's a solid burn. It's a burn so good. I wish, like, in that moment, I was like, man, it must feel pretty awesome to be burned that well by fucking Kevin Bacon.

And then, like, basically the next day in their arcane rules, Ariel has to go to Kevin Bacon's job and let him know he has been challenged to tractor chicken. Uh-huh. Yeah. She calls him out, kind of. She's like, what are you chicken? You don't want to play tractor chicken? There are so many cars laying around this movie. There's cars, we got like a fucking bevy of dirt bikes

that you see at the end of this movie. And meanwhile, it's not even their tractors. They're stealing these tractors from this dude. Which makes it kind of cool, honestly. Messing around as kids would do. I mean, the funniest thing about it is... At least they're not dancing, you know? Well, yeah.

Tractor chicken is very legal in this town. Oh, both of my... tractors were totally destroyed in this game of chicken and now my whole livelihood is on the line but thank Christ they weren't dancing. Oh my God. Look if you're going to complain, talk to the pig. Okay?

Guys, you gotta stop playing chicken. Ladies and gentlemen, six more high school students have died in tractor chicken but again, thank goodness that the sock hop has been canceled. I mean, this This is, so tractors, I'm sure

they can go fast, but these two tractors are going like 20 miles an hour. And it is literally the Austin Power joke of when the roller is coming to the guy, it's like, no! And it's like a mile away. She also does that with her

second suicide attempt by almost being hit by the train. Oh, yes. She's just like, it's funny. But, I mean, this is, I mean, I'm sure tractor chicken has happened, but like, definitely. It doesn't make for exciting movie making. You know what it does?

If you need a hero, now we're having a great time. It kind of makes it worse, though, because here's this song, it's really fucking going. I need a hero! And then they cut to this wide of the two tractors, and it's like, do. But then we get some shots of Kevin Bacon, and I'm like, oh, he's the hero.

Oh, I see what they're doing. Hey, he's the hero. Oh. That's the hero. I thought it was the pink principle. I wish. I mean, to be fair, you were not allowed to make a movie in the 80s without Bonnie Tyler's. We need a hero.

Absolutely. I think it's even in Shoah. Yes. No, it's not, man. No, no, no. Yeah, to be the first train. It is not in the nine-hour Holocaust documentary, Shoah. But to be fair, a hero would have helped.

You got me there. I got nothing for that. But yes. But also, that's a really dangerous song to play during a really dangerous scene, because now kids are like, you know, it's heroic? Almost killing yourself in a tractor crash. Dude, and he sends Kevin Bacon, that is,

sends this dude Chuck almost to his death. Yes, for sure. This guy falls off into like a rake. raging river, nearly drowns. They kind of don't stay long enough on it because it is pretty funny. I would have liked some more of that, to be totally honest. Humiliation's nice. I would have loved to see this

Chuck guy get humiliated more, a little bit more. No, I want to see him killed. I want to see that tractor just fucking make a little pancake out of him. Oh, dude, a tractor roll will get you fucking over with. Right? It must. Oh, yeah. You're empty. It's a heavy thing. But you know what? Just thank goodness

they weren't dancing. He was horrifically crushed to death, but it was playing tractor chicken. Oh, also, great thing. Kevin Bacon does have a lot of sweet like the one-liners, like we were mentioning. He tells Ariel, like when he's ready to race, he goes, go tell Dogface, I'm ready to get this thing going.

Oh, man. Just calling someone Dogface like that. Do you think she relayed the information, though, or not? Hey, he says you, Dogface, should get ready to race. The fuck you call me, Oreo? Well, no, I was relaying it. He said it to you. You, you see. Or did you mean the assistant principal dog face under principal pig?

Vice President dog. He's a timid vice principal. I see. So that wasn't shy. So Kevin Bacon has a second much more, this Adonis friend of his Woody. Oh my God. Who we also don't meet until they're best pals. Yes.

You can climb this guy like a ladder. Man, Woody rules. I think Woody's kind of like low-key the best character in the movie. Absolutely. His ass is the best character in the movie. That shower scene? We get a peek in that shower scene.

You know, I've seen John Lithgow's ass for real. Really? Oh, right, yeah, do tell. I saw a play. And in the play, he had sex. But like, it wasn't pushing? No, it was. I'm thrusting.

No, it's deeper. John Lickow doesn't push he thrusts. It was very tasteful. He takes off his. pants and I see his tushy and he gets into a bed and then like you know the stage kind of moves but I saw full cheeks

very good like well worth the price of admission could you see like was there like a little like thing around his waist you know to like hide the schvance from the actress or what's going on there I would I would wager he was he was I think he was very cognizant of it because he was just like

hey oh my okay oh he's moving now okay I'll get to be Hey, hey, audience, don't look. Don't look. Well, now that we've had sex, we should have Italian wedding soup. This is the best post-coital soup. Soup after sex might be good, right?

No. No? I mean, what are you eating it in bed? That's horrible. Dude, soup in bed, man. That's a recipe for disaster. It's a light meal, you know? It's a light meal.

Also, let me remind you, soup is served hot. now it's rattle it around around your genitals. How about Borsh? Borsh would be good. How would be okay? How about soup before sex? By the way, borsh is normally served

how to think you're thinking of gazpacho? No, the bursch is also cold. Borsh is cold sometimes cold. But Silka will heat your borsh, though. I must say heat your bush. That's a completely different thing. I mean, that's what soup will do. So this character would he could heat some bushes.

Yeah, he probably did back in 84, man. You get awfully close to seeing this heated bush in this shower scene. You get the trail, and they just barely don't see it, unless he's shaved. I love, so like the next day, Kevin Bacon's having dinner with his new family, and this piece of shit uncle is just like, I don't know, you guys hear, there's some trouble at the high school, somebody might have been smoking a joint, and you hear about this tractor rollover situation? And then something's something, they get to an argument, he's like,

listen, I'm not going to try and be your father's like, you're damn right, you're not. And he does the thing we were doing 80s movies where he goes to an empty factory and dances and if you were in the movie theater in 1884 and had you gone to the bathroom beforehand, this is a great thing. Because now it just reminds you of everything in the movie.

Oh, yeah. Oh, right. They start doing flashbacks to, like, him driving to the fucking thing. Dude, it is previously on footloose. It is for if anyone was walking into the theater late because it's like him so angry.

and thinking about what's going on. And it's just footage from the film. All shit we've all seen. I mean, what happened is they made about three or four music videos and made a movie around it, is what it kind of feels like for most of this. I don't know about you guys, how you guys grew up. I mean, this is why Bacon was in the shape that he was in high school, and I was in the shape that I was in high school.

When I got angry about people giving me shit, man. Yeah, dude. What'd you do? Play N-64. Yep. about it. Get a couple of golden eye rounds in. As opposed to like dancing and feeling things.

Imagine if N64 was banned though. You'd go fucking crazy and then you'd be bringing the game thing around, you know? You'd be bringing the illegal console around and like inspiring a town. Look, if Kevin Bacon hadn't intervened when he did, we get into

the early 90s, you'd definitely see the Super Nintendo band, N64 after that. Totally happening. No more Mario Kart. That leads to Sex! It actually does not. It literally does not. It leads you away from sex.

Really, like, very far away. Maybe do a lot of, like, defeated masturbation, though. Yeah, that's a good point. The only thing you're shooting are turtle shells. You got it out via video games. I got out via chicken nuggets. And I was very happy to do

so. I was Nugloose. Ladies and gentlemen, a town where chicken nuggets have become illegal. We need a hero. My son died in a car crash After he ate some chicken nuggets We have to legalize them Man, I don't want to live in that world I really don't

No fast you know what Big Chicken would never allow that That's the thing like dance There's no there's no real I mean there's money behind Like records and stuff but like big chicken You fuck with those guys? Totally that David Perdue guy I saw those commercials he'll creep you right out

I thought you were talking about Big Bird Well, yes, we've made all dancing illegal Except for due to some pressure from the Tyson and Purdue company The Funky Chicken will be allowed No matter where you go in this town Oh man, the funky chicken stipulation I don't like the sound of that I don't know, it's fair compromise maybe

Yeah, no It's a dance It is a dance but it's the worst of the dances But is it worse than like the magarana Oh, good question Yeah, I think it is Yeah Because your aunt will still do that is the thing.

The macarena? No, no, no, the funky chicken. Is that right? I think so. Where does the electric slide fit into all this? Well, that's okay. All right. So you don't want your aunt to dance.

No, I'd rather not see my aunt. Sit out, Aunt Sheila. That shit's embarrassing. Someone ought to make that illegal. Also, yeah, what is a wedding like in this fucking town? Terrible. Okay, got it. The whole thing's 45 minutes in your room.

out. That's not so bad, actually. You got the ceremony that's the longest part, you know, then you go into the hall, boom, boom, boom, some bad chicken your home. Yeah. Well, is it a thing where, like, they all, like, just wear, like, bad sunglasses and do nothing?

Yeah. What is recreation, besides, like, crashing tractors? It is just drunk driving. Yeah, drunk driving, that's all you can do because books are banned, right? And dancing, that's the one other activity. Beating up outsiders, that seems to be a big. That's a big one.

I loved that growing up. Really? You see some drifter come where he shouldn't? Oh, yeah? Teach that guy a lesson? They never found him neither. You got incensed when you saw that guy like marking up your fence?

Listen, I don't care if he was in the Army. You shouldn't be passing through my town. I'm going to call Brian Denny. Oh, so, yeah, he's doing all his gymnastics dancing and whatnot. And then Ariel comes out of nowhere and goes, that looks really fucking stupid. and he like kind of he freezes just like when you get

caught jerking off and she's like you know there's a little like hidden part of this town I want to take you to it's very special it's the inside of this like old abandoned walk-in freezer or some shit where

like kids from the town I mean this is the saddest thing kids from the town go to write down parts of books that have been banned like a passage that means a lot to them or like song lyrics because they all miss music and everything. There is nothing worse than expecting

you're going to get a blowjob and then get confronted with slam poetry. That's right. That's right. I'm going to take you to a very special place. One of the oldest tricks in the book, by the way. It's one of the few ways you can get someone to go attend live slam poetry. I thought I was

going to get slammed now. It's poetry that's getting slammed? No, but I have to show you this Jimmy Hendricks quote. Damn it. Oh, wow, that's really something. Wow, look at that. You guys got a lot of markers in this town. That's great.

Just going to go home and jerk off now, I guess. Jesus Christ. I love, but so then Ariel is like, what we also like to do in this town is stand on the train tracks and then make out. Right, this is their make-out point, is the train tracks. It's something about, like, once the train starts going through,

then you make out. And all I can, like, think about with that is like maybe it's because Lithgow's got the town wired for sound everywhere, right? So any time you hear it's like a or like, you know, heaven forbid like a wop,

like he's coming in, right? Yeah, and heaven forbid. Fucking kind of sounds like dancing, you know? It does, yeah. That sounds like skin slapping. No, those are just claps of hands. Hands clapping. I was applauding reading this Bible passage.

I was applauding her generous. and she was applauding mine. It's a good-looking dick. That is a good-looking dick right there. I do love, so, like, she's on the thing, and he tackles her, and she's like, do you love me? And he's like, you're fucking nuts, man.

Like, this girl is, you're Kevin Bacon, there's like a Sarah Jessica Parker running around. Find anybody else. Yeah. You've got to cut her loose. This is insane. Footloose? You've got to cut her footloose.

Yeah, oh, my God. Oh, there's your saw shit. There it is. That's six saw right there. And cut that foot loose. Adam, are you ready to get foot loose? Adam, you might want to take off your Sunday shoes. You lived your life on a foot.

What if you didn't? Make the choice. Yeah, it's a pretty simple question. This movie, we're running out of ideas. It's like, you know, it's like back to the first movie. Saul one has a foot cut, right? Yeah, yeah, totally. So speaking of Sarah Jessica Parker,

she and Ariel go on like across state lines double date with Kevin Bacon and Chris Penn to like some hoot-nanny kind of bar there. And it's like, he's like, I'm going to show you idiots what you're missing. Because they don't even know what dancing looks like. No. They just drive to another state to show them what that even is. What are these movements they're doing, rhythmic movements to dancing? I can't stop.

What is happening? That's pretty great. And it's so great they go in this, like, you know, we're doing like a lot of, you know, cowboy hat dancing and everything. It's a shit kicker bar for sure. It's a shit kicker bar. Like these kids would get the shit kicked out of them. Yes, for sure.

Instead, they're just, they instantly sold alcohol. That's something. Yeah, well, thank God they weren't dancing up to the bar while they asked for that beer. We're in the clear. This is when Chris Penn reveals, He can't dance. No.

But what I appreciate about it, though, is he's not like, dancing, eh, you know, that's a little, meh. He's just like, I can't do it. I wish I could. I wish I had your gift. I know it would get me laid. I'm eager to learn. Teach me, Kevin Bacon.

Just do the white guy shuffle thing, you know? Yeah, all right, all right. Yeah. You could do the stand-up or you could be, like, my dad at a wedding? Yeah. Maybe because this is a town of white guys. That's why they outlawed it. They saw that.

Nobody wanted to see that shit anymore. Like, no, yeah, cut that. This is disgusting. He's not even moving his feet. He's just barely moving his arms. Hips, you're supposed to use your hips. So you get to see some Kevin Bacon dancing right here again. They are really, I mean, here's the thing.

It's a lot of, like, boot scoot, boogie kind of dancing. And then Kevin Bacon just slams in with the 80 sex dancing. But this is when Footloose. plays for the second time. In nearly its entirety. Like, they must have got hit with such a bill for this tune. Well, it's part of why

at the end of this movie, it's like regular credits, regular credits, and then it's like, But Loose performed by Kenny Luggins. It's like 24 font. It's huge. I mean, the last time I saw font that big, it was like, Kennedy, dead. That joke goes

out to my good friend Eric Sisko, wherever you. You are. Thank you. Big fan of this is a Pruder film. They try to trick them at the beginning of this, though, because they enter the bar, and it's John Cougar Mellon Camp. It hurts so good before you get to the synthesize. You know, I bet a footing hurts so good, you know?

Yeah. What's the better tune there? Footloose. Footloose. Footloose is a great song, right, everyone? Yeah. They love it. Melanchamp sucks.

That was such a smattering of applause. Did I come in too hot on that one? Yeah. Well, I don't know. He's got Meg Ryan, so take that Dennis Quaid. That's true. You got nothing left but the Lord God. That's true.

All right, he's doing that. I'm sorry, that was fucking great. Nothing like a good old-fashioned delayed laugh. Well, like a solo, too. Oh, yeah, super solo, so thank you. Thank you so much. Love it. Oh, the whole thing is

SJP's like, all right, Chris Penn, for some reason I'm dating you in this movie. Maybe they don't really like super confirm that. But she's like, and what did I tell you? What did I tell you? No fighting. Which, like, I feel like that sounds like she's going to say that every time they go anywhere.

But she's like doing okay. All these songs are playing Kevin Bacon. There's a slow song, all this stuff. And she's like, come on, Chris Penn, let's dance. And he's like, no, I can't, babe. And then, but like once fucking footloose happens, because it's a magical song. She's just like, I can't.

And she just runs out. She can't take it anymore. She's been holding it in the whole night. And the feet become lease at this point. That's the plural of footloose is feet lease. Uh-huh. No, that's when you don't have any feet, dude, and you don't have enough money to buy one.

Oh, I see. But, you know, if you want, like, feet on an installment, playing that as the feet lease. You can only do like 12,000 steps a week. You know, if you go over that, they're going to charge you, you know, five cents every step. Car lease jokes. They're just milking you, man.

Or when like you pay a lady to step on you and you're like, I don't have the money. You need a feet lease? Well, you could get in our feet lease program. It makes sense. Foot loose feet lease. Uh-huh. No, it doesn't. I still don't really get it.

Is there another definition that I'm missing? No, no, there's not. Could you use it in a sentence? I mean, it is a through line in this movie. You cannot dance well in any part of this movie without fighting first. You have to get into a fistfight of some sort before, or I guess just yell at your uncle a little bit.

Yeah. Yeah, that's the foreplay, dude. She winds up being danced with a moustachioed cowboy hat, dude. This guy's awesome. And he's like 50, and she's like 16. And I think the deal here, too, is like, because Chris Penn has a line to this dude, you know, he's like, I'm not going to fight you.

But hey, man, when was the last time you saw your own dick? Bye. To make that joke work, like the dude needs a gut. I think this dude's wearing a pillow, though, underneath that, which is kind of something. It'd be great if you just grabbed him, like, Viet fucking now. Feel like a big man now?

Yeah, I'll tell you. the whole story, it's sad. Sit down because it also takes a really long time. There's a lot of details to get through. I didn't lose the leg, but my foot's a little loose. You can thank the Viet Cong

for that. Man, but I love this guy's delivery of flake off. That's a real, it was fuck, but now we're gunning for that PG-13. Yeah, it has to be, right? I don't know, because I've never heard someone say flake off to anybody.

Is it a dandruff term? Yeah, totally. Go have dandruff problems. Okay, I'll just buy some shampoo. You got burned. So, yeah, Chris Penn gets punched in the face, and you see him, like, sitting out the parking lot on this car. It looks like Jason Voorhe's got to his nose.

It is so much blood, and he's kind of just, like, holding something out, and I was like, is there a wet nap anywhere? Was there a wet nap in the honky-talk you could have got it from? Like, come on, man. So we're driving back, and I love this, because the story is Ariel's brother died, tragically, which is the whole inspiration of this movie, and they're on the bridge where he died, and Chris Penn, with zero tact, he's like, man, this bridge gives me the willies, and I'm like, yeah, because my fucking brother died on it. And it happened on a night just like tonight. So somebody died. I swear it was somebody's brother.

I can't remember. And, like, Sarah Jessica Parker comes over the top rope, too. She's like, man, he was really cute. Like, oh, I'm glad you had a fucking boner for my now dead brother. Wow, now he's got a bone for you. Because he's part of the Skeleton League? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So do you...

I can dance in hell. You will join the League of Skeletons if you dare to dance. You know who approves of dancing, don't you? The devil! You gotta be dancing in hell, man. Yeah, man. It's pretty cool. Better to party with the sinners.

We've given up hope, so now we do the Trika all day. The Satan Tango, actually. For sure, yeah. There you go. Oh, look at that. What a ref. What a ref. What a ref, dude.

And the crowd went nowhere. Oh, yeah. You know, everybody knows the eight-hour Hungarian film, Satantango. Yeah, it's all right. But we hear the story that, like, you know, that her brother died, whatever. Meanwhile, like, they have, her and John Lithgow have these scenes that is, like, the dissolution of a marriage kind of a thing. It's not father-daughter.

It's just like, where were you? I was up all night. Now the chicken's cold. Yes. I made it for you. What's his name? Tell me his name. He does do that.

She's like, red. It's like, that fucking idiot. it's really weird he and we got to get to the dicey parts of this movie one in one of their fucking you know very long terse arguments he slaps her and Diane Weist is like

hey that sucked dude she barely looks up from the fucking grapefruit she's eating she doesn't even bring it up when they have the long discussion that's cut directly after it so you don't see any of the aftermath that might actually be compelling

they go and he goes to the church And she's just like, you know, I just miss us. You know, I don't really care if you hit our kid. I don't really care about it, but us, I miss us so much. You needed to be a thing where it's like this marriage is on thin ice. Yes. It's on the thinest of ice. Today at breakfast didn't help at all.

But it's just a lot of like, you're the greatest minister of all time. You can uplift your congregation so high they have to look down to see heaven. which is a weird kind of like threatening line in a way. I don't know. And then Ariel gets into an argument with Chuck. She breaks up with him. And it's just like five to ten minute John Casavetti scene. And I'm like, the fuck is this doing in this movie?

And it is never commented upon. And other movies like Kevin Bacon, I'm like, I'm going to beat his ass for what he did to you. Nothing. And he's like, that sucks. Like she got a D in chemistry. The most he comments on it is she's like putting on makeup to cover up the fucking black eye that she has, and he's

like, yeah, you did a good job with that. Looks all right. No one's going to tell. Thanks. It's really dicey, really weird. It just never comes up again. No, like, when he's beating the shit out of him at the end of the movie, he needs to be like, you know, getting ready to raise the death blow.

Like, this is for Ariel Blur. No, it's for you insulting my dancing, which really bothered me. Look, I'm just, if they had really dug into that, or even brought it up again, it might be a little, you know, hard to get loose. Yeah, that's true.

Foot loose. Or, sorry, feet lease. Feet least. The feet would not become loose. If you can't get your feet leased, I mean, then you're just fucked. None of our feet will be leased. But, you know, so that's kind of that thing. And now the next movement is, well, we got to have a dance.

We got to do it. Yeah, Kevin Bacon comes up with his idea while he's in a cool, like, self-carwash thing with Chris Penn. And he's like, I got it. We're going to throw a dance together. And Chris Penn's like, again, I can't dance. may I remind you I can't dance

and he says well don't worry about it I'll spend the next ten minutes of this movie teaching you in a dance montage it's great he's dancing like Peter Boyle and Young Frankenstein in this thing his feet are just like barely moving dance

maybe he was some type of science experiments as well like they made Sean Penn and they were like let's put together some other pen parts some extra pens lying around you get the full let's hear it for the boy

and I have never escaped this song this song is like in every fast food joint I ever go to it just cues on for some reason are you the boy I am I'm picturing you in like a hearties or some shit and there's a song that comes on that you don't like

and you're like change it change it I would like like you to hear it for me? Where's the DJ? I have a request. Sir, this is a Wendy's. This goes out to Chris with his big chicken nuggets. Let's hear it for the boy. And I'm just, I'm singing it to the nuggets.

Thanks here, for the boy. No, Chris, don't eat us. We're your friends. That's illegal in this town. Yeah, you can't eat chicken nuggets, but you can marry them in that time. Of course. But yeah, so she's got

this idea. It's like, hey, I have these Bible passages that'll help with my dad, which is, I think it's like Lazarus doing the thriller dance is part of it. That was one. That was one. Yeah. We all remember the time Paul crossed the desert, boogieing down.

That was another big one. Mary twerked, I think, is part of those. Well, it makes total sense, right? Because that was a band of criminals, right? You know, writing their illegal screed called the Bible. They must have done a ton of dancing and who knows what else.

That's like Kevin Bacon's whole point at this community board meeting. He's like, oh yeah, John Lithgow, you think you have this in the bag, huh? May I present the Bible? And he starts flipping through and you can tell Lithgow's like, oh, I'm fucked now.

Here comes the Lord of God himself. Oh no. Shit, I've never read the Bible. The jig is up. There could be anything in there. He looks up at a Jesus on the cross is, you double-crossed me.

Thou shalt party down. Betray her. It'd be cool if they nailed him to two crosses. Wait, what? Double cross. Oh, I, uh-huh. That was the one for Pontch's pilot. Ponch's pilot got the double-crust, dude.

Oh, yeah. That guy was something, huh? That guy was a lot like the little health class. narque with that joint. Yeah. You're passionate pilot. I guess he was sort of like, you know, he comes to terms with it.

He washes his hands of it. He's like, fine, dance, do your thing, whatever. That's kind of what the, so like, but it's so weird. Again, the editing in this movie is so shoddy, like, Kevin Bacon gives us the passion speech, and then it just cuts to, like, them being like, well, you lost that one. Can I'm like, did he? Might be nice to see some of this shit, man.

You really wasted your time in that meeting, Kevin Bacon. Wow. I've never seen a dressing down like that in my whole life. Too bad it's not in the movie. So anyway. Another thing not in the movie is like later on it's like you just cut to

and there's like John Lithgow well we should talk about the book burning scene I guess first. Oh yes. Oh right, yeah. This is when his heart starts to melt. Or he's like what hath I wroth? You know you're in the right

when you start burning books. Well there's like a setup to that because he's trying to go teach like Sunday school or something. thing. And this like nerdlinger, I don't know if he's the principal or if he's like just another teacher at the school or something. Is he a pig? No, it was not a pig.

Okay, there's not the principal. Yeah, okay. Got it. We got to ban these cookbooks. I don't like what's going on with all this bacon. I also hate Joey Chestnut's autobiography. Too many

hot dogs lost their lives. That guy is a mass murderer. but every July 4th you can see him throw up on ESPN for some reason and it's wonderful isn't it USA USA USA

oh man so the book burning like John Lithgow gets a change of harder or he realizes like he's gone too far and the town is getting fucking crazy because he doesn't think the dude's gonna go through with it like the guy's coming after him with some book and I wish we knew what book it was we mentioned Slaughterhouse 5 at the beginning

but it doesn't come up again he's like this one Lithgow this one's going right in the fucking furnace and he's like I don't know if that's such a good idea actually now that I think about that the babysitters club you know now I don't want to kill Gumby and his friends anymore

but Wishbone is done yeah oh wishbone that dude's finished goosebumps you can forget it boxcar children you're burning alive sorry no I won't say what I was gonna say that's fair yeah oh actually you know what yeah that's probably a good

idea. Yeah, he realizes, like, oh, this is going too far. Like, he stops him from burning. He's like, you have to look inside. The devil is inside you all the time. That's kind of great, right? He's, like, holding up some books.

He's like, the devil is not here. The devil is here. And then everyone goes home and stabs themselves with a butcher. I killed the devil. No, the devil is not in here. It's in Danielle Steele, sir. Well, yeah, that's true.

It does get pretty sultry, yeah, for sure. It is great. I mean, they have like this huge garbage can and all these fucking idiots are tossing books into this thing and, like, chanting about it. And John Lithgow just comes in kind of like is Harry and the Henderson's role

and he's like, get out of here, hillbillies, nobody wants you anymore. Stop burning these books. He pulls out a collected Garfield. No! You can't burn the far side? He hates Mondays That's against God's law

He's also eating Italian food That's disgusting Burn that cat comic Cows shouldn't be able to live in houses Fuck Gary Larson I've been saying that for years Cows shouldn't be living in houses It's disturbing

so all the kids go out of town for this big dance and I guess they just told all their parents we're all going to see against all odds tonight well no Lithgow gives them permission that's right because there's a seed like right after the bookburning scene smash cut to the end of a really important conversation between two fucking stars Kevin Bacon and John Lithgow

which is just like well you've really given me a lot to think about I'm like again did he my god it seems like there's other things that could have been cut but like the big coming together of the fucking protagonist and the antagonist yeah that seems pretty important

you should get that in full kind of the climax of your movie honestly yes yes the dance doesn't really count it's the credits essentially it's as if like Empire Strikes back Luke is like I'm gonna go sorry I'm master Yoda I have to help my friends

then you smash cut to him holding his stump in the fucking Millennium Balkan. I was like, well, I miss something. That's what happens when you help your friends. You get hand loose. Don't ever help anyone. It's terrible advice, by the way. Yeah, to go to Cloud City, to rescue Han.

Yeah, terrible advice. That was a bad idea. They should have let him die. You just wound up. dying anyway. What was the point? Yeah, it's true. A long enough timeline, everybody just dies anyway. Which is why

nothing matters. Sure. Right? Thank you. I love... But yeah, so, like, he has this change of heart, and he has this big speech in front. He was like, let's just pray for our children, shall we? Let us pray they shall dance

and the boners shall not escape the pantaloons. For if we cannot trust our children, who Oh, oh, we. It's like, it's a real poor shit speech. Let us pray that our daughters forget that we hit them for no real reason. Just for jokes, I guess.

I don't know. So, like, I guess because the gymnasium at the school was filled up with the gymnastics meat or some shit, the guy who works at the flower factory, F-L-O-U-R, that Kevin Bacon works for is like, Well, you know, you could have your big dance in the basement of my flower factory. Thank you for clarifying that they're not making flowers at a factory. Yeah, you know.

I just like being clear. All right, that's fair. Soon enough, that's how we'll have to make them, right? Yeah, that's true. Ah, fuck, we've got another order of daisies. We're skipping lunch today! That's just what, like, edible arrangements are, right? That's true, yeah, that's fair.

Making those. Yeah, we're getting into hydroponics, not the fun kind. just the normal dazings and shit, I don't know. But I think this guy is doing this to say, fuck you to John Lithgow, right? Big time. Yeah. Big time. I want a backstory there, you know?

What was that about? Was this guy gunning for Diane Weist or what? Ooh, that could be something. I'd watch that scene. He's like doing anything to drive a wedge between them? Or like this dude just like goes up to Diane Weiss, like, you know, we had our time back in high school. It's fine. You're happy.

That's all right. But like, seriously, your husband's a real piece of shit. Like, I know that I just run this weird factory, but, like, he's totally suck shit, that guy. The guy who runs the flower, I mean, he's really the hero of the movie. Yeah. Like, he, every time Bacon is in a jam, he's like, yeah, I can help him with that. And then every time Lithgow says something, he's like,

why don't you shut up? Who, every time bacon's in a jam. Oh, yeah. Getting hungry up here. But, so, yes, they decide. He allows them to have a, what, a dance, at his establishment. Now they have even the backwards blessing of John Lithgow.

So let's get on some dirt bikes and throw ourselves a dance. All of a sudden, all these kids who you've never seen on dirt bikes once in the movie, all personally own a dirt bike. Yes. All of a sudden, your movie has like eight to nine dirt bikes in them out of nowhere. It's like Happy Meal toys all of a sudden. Everyone's got a new vehicle. And this isn't a movie about fucking Rallycross. And if you're going to do that, I need to see a scene of like them jumping off hills and stuff.

I need to see that. I bake it in. If they can't dance, that's what they're going to do, right? Drive dirt bikes. Tike loose. You should have had dirt bike chicken. Yeah, absolutely. Or jousting.

Exactly. Yeah, I get like a long branch. It's like that George Romero movie Night Riders, where they're like in suits of armor on motorcycles. I brought my mother's mop with me. Here we go. That'd be awesome. So we're all having fun making the dance happen

and the lights go on and so on. so forth. I love a good cleaning montage. I kind of wish we had gotten a lot more of this end dance. It's kind of an afterthought. It is. It's the big thing. You're supposed to have to time.

And of course, because it is a dancing thing, you have to fight first. Yes. So it starts with Chris Penn getting into it with Chuck. Oh, man, Chuck. Chuck finds the time to strike as this dance. You know, Chris Penn tries not to fight. You know, he's promised not to fight. And he's really holding back until he gets the permission from, what was it,

you called her S.J.P. Yeah, those are her initials. Yeah. Well, whatever you say it, I think of like Super Jurassic Park, and I'm like, was that on Super Nintendo? It probably was, yeah. Yeah, no, there were a couple of shitty-ass Jurassic Park games that came around the time of Super Nintendo. You might

be right. Point is, I meant Sarah Jessica Parker. Yeah, okay. I mean, I know that he does gymnastics. Like, you've set that up, sort of, but Kevin Bacon comes in jump kicking. Yeah. That's great. This is, I mean... It's Jim Cata.

It is Jim Cata. Yes. It's the skill of gymnastics and the kill of karate, if you're not familiar. Young man, your feet are a lethal weapon. That's why you're sentenced to... I don't know, Con Air or something.

What is a pommel horse doing right outside of this mill? I feel like there are two kinds of movies, right? There's movies that have jump kicks in them, and those who don't. Sure. As far as I was understanding it for the first 100 minutes of this movie,

The motion picture footloose was one of the ones that did not have jump kicks in it. I feel like you can't have an 11th hour jump kick. It's like the jump kick in marriage story. It comes out of nowhere. Totally. He just jump kicks that door.

It's fucked up. I prefer the one in Kramer v. Kramer. Hoffman's got the juice. He's really doing it. Oh, man, can you imagine Dustin Hoffman trying to do a jump kick? Oh, my shins would hurt. Get ready for it.

I'm getting six inches off the ground here. Six inches off the ground. Dude sucks. Not great. But so they quickly dispatched these five dudes. Beat the living shit out of these dudes. Absolutely. And this is the thing where he's like,

Kevin Bacon comes in with that jump kick and he's like, oh yeah, you think you're so cool, Chuck. Well, how about when it's not five on one? It's like, how about when he beat up your girlfriend, dude? How about taking some revenge out for that? No, Chris Pan is in danger. That's the guy I care about it.

You hurt my friend that I taught to dance. And, you know, then Kevin Bacon lets everybody knows. It's time to dance. Let's dance. And then it starts raining, glitter, and all these kids get it in their eyes, and everyone's screaming. It's insane. All of a sudden it turns into Studio 54 in this basement.

They're going to have to, like, shower for days, get their head shaved, like de-loused, like you're being taken into some paramilitary camp. To get all that goddamn glitter off. Yeah, all those clothes are going in the garbage. Absolutely. You set those on fire. Chris Penn's burning that tuxedo. There's a lot of tuxedos, and yeah, they're all going in the garbage, I'm pretty sure.

But also, maybe a studio visiting for me, this is the Littka's point. It was like, the second they were allowed to dance, Coke is everywhere. But we're not really concerned with drugs. We have a teacher using weed as bait. Drugs and alcohol are not the problem here. It's clearly thought of that it's dancing. And Bacon is just blow and smoke in that dance and city. When he gets into an argument with his uncle,

not only does he have to dance it out, he has to get stoned and drunk in the middle of the day. That's right. We did have some classic drunk driving earlier in the film. But it's great because everyone, I guess, has been so repressed with dance, but practicing in secret is like everyone is like they're popping and locking. I'm like, how do you know how to do that?

It's exquisite stuff. It's all that pent-up dancing. I see. You never do it and you just, It's like, no, I'm finally ready to take this out of the storm cellar! My cousin, he got me a bootleg tape of street performers from New York City, and I've been watching it over and over again. I think I got it. What's that sound blown there? Is that dancing?

No, it's pornography. Better? Before they start kicking off all the dancing, though, there is a funny gag where, like, the whole room is just, like, not dancing. Nobody knows what to do, right? They need the alien from another planet. Kevin Bacon to come in and show them what's up. It looks like an actual school dance for a minute where they're all milling around picking their noses.

Dude, how many people watch this movie in advance of tonight's show? Okay. Oh, good, Eric. This one. The rest of the shows I didn't. Did everybody catch the moment where this motherfucker gets knuckled deep

in his own nose, pulls it out and goes, huh, and wipes it like on his crotch? And the woman next to him, not as disgusted as she should have been. Saving that for you, honey. Yeah, well, Zach's doing it again. Oh, I'm sorry.

I just thought that was the boogie-woogie. Gross. And they just start dancing and having a good-ass time, and that's Chris Penn dances his little heart out. Oh, it's great. It is great. I mean, the whole, like, impetus for that montage earlier in the movie was because he, in real life, couldn't dance,

and they were like, well, how are we going to get around this? the dude has to dance at the end of this movie let's give him dance lessons on camera and you know what? Paid off dude fucking cuts that rug in half in this movie it's awesome. It rules and then in like the weirdest

just like blackout cut ever that's the end of the movie that's footloose Kenny Loggins song Footloose director Herbert Roth under it's small small yeah he cut a John Hancock's the end of the movie

is like And that's footloose, ladies and gentlemen. That's a footloose is. We do have to start wrapping it up, but we want to, of course, give you all big thanks for coming out here tonight. This is a great town. You've been a great audience. Give yourselves another round of applause.

Thank you, guys. Big thanks to City Winery for having us here. You all have been great. Be sure to tip plentifully, ladies and gentlemen. That is for sure. But before we get out of here, we just want to say also we do have some posters for sale if you want to check that

out and we also should say that you know when we end a show like this has anyone seen us live before I should say that a couple of fun whenever we we got to get out of here we like to sort of point you all to the best place

to find the most intelligent non-insane film writing on the internet and that is of course found in the IMDB user review section yes Cahir's do moron That should be fucking banned, honestly.

Let's go on that. Oh, just the entire IMDB? Yes, exactly. You know, honestly, take the whole thing, that app is unusable. It's terrible, man. I can't look up, you know, I'll look up like a 1940s film noir, and there's an ad for Dwayne Johnson's Taramana Tequila

there. It's so unusable. Like, the other night, I was trying to look up that movie. We were talking about sex crimes, 284. Oh, right. And it's not on the app, and I had to Google it to show me IMDB to open it in the app unbelievable. I can't

even look up 1980s pornography titles. Yeah. Rated X. So we got two for you here before we head out. Let's see here. One out of ten stars. Subject line, garbage.

Written by G. Peoples on stunningly Valentine's Day of 2002. You know what that makes sense. You're all alone. You're reviewing things on IMDB as one does on Valentine's Day. Or even worse, you're

in a new relationship, your girlfriend is like, I want you to watch my favorite movie Footloose. You know, and then we'll see what happens afterwards. And you're like, yeah, I'm going to be on the fucking IMDB message boards afterwards. To the internet! All right, let's see here.

Here is one of those idiotic far-fetched plotlines that plagues us several times in a decade. All right. This guy holds a grudge. A town passes ordinances to ban hard rock music and dancing. Oh, come on!

Which, there is historical precedent for this shit actually happening, by the way. So this dude should open a book, man. And more than likely the future precedent as well. Totally. I think his town burned those books. Not just the plot, but the characters are pitiful as well. Wren, what kind of name is that? End of review.

What? No, really? So, really glad G. Peoples got that shit out on Valentine's Day. Well, I feel like, again, in this scenario, you know, he's like, Red, what kind of name is that? Like, Honey! He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Send, send, send.

His whole thing, he just rests on the Ren thing. He's just like, the movie's fine. I just don't understand why somebody could be named Ren. I was waiting for Stimpy. It's stupid. It's all right. I feel like I'm always waiting for Stimpy. I already got one more for you.

Ten out of ten stars. Fantastic. My son loves it. Written by Hot Lips 200. January 20th, 2009. My 20-month-old son loves footloose. he first watched when he was six months old and now watches it

two to three times a day and he remembers all of it he's quoting lines all the time get ready it's fantastic and he dances every time it's on and follows the steps that they perform wow this kid's going to be a force

he knows footloose is about to start he knows where we go no I don't care about you get out of your update stupid iPad there we go he uh he performs him he knows footloose is about to start as soon as the Paramount Pictures logo comes up on the screen

I recently had to buy another copy of this movie as he had won the first one out was your VHS of the Year of Our Lord 2009 I think she's talking about wearing out this standard deaf DVD He wore it out? Yeah, yeah. See what is is she's blaming a baby

for wearing out a DVD. Every night that baby just crawls out of the damn thing comes down and puts the dep... I get it at 3 a.m. every morning. I just catch him doing it. This shit's unhinged. It gets even worse. Oh, no.

Let's see. He also has a copy in his granddad's van. What's the fuck? So he can watch it whilst out. What is... Now, Sheila, you got to cut out the footloose. Just like Grandpa's sick of it. Are you kids in my TV van again?

You get out of that TV van, you find any of them tapes with no stickers on it now. Look, I'm drawing the line, Esther. I'm not getting to copy of Footloose for the bathroom. Not doing it. I'm sorry. That's so weird.

If there was ever a remake of this film, wait two years hot lips they did it I'm sure my son would love it just as much as the original one I think it's amazing that a film from the 80s can please a 20-month-old baby as am I as is everyone in this room

it amazed me in my family and I hope he will continue to like it a long time yet we've been we hate movies from New York City, Nashville. Thanks so much for coming out. Thank you very much. You've been awesome.

We will see you next time. Good night. Thank you guys. We've been working so hard I'm punching my car Ain't air forward No tell me what I got I got this feeling

Time's just a hole in me down Thank you.