We Hate Movies - S12: WHM Mail Bag 8.17.22

Episode Date: August 18, 2022

On this edition of WHM Mail Bag, we're reading some unhinged letters AND announcing new tour dates for the fall! As we opened the mail bag last night, letters flew out about encountering The Dice-man buying CDs to copulate to, a nerd freaking out about not seeing an X-Men Origins: Wolverine trailer, an American Pie actor playing Nickelback covers, someone's dad creating Minions, and more!  PLUS: Don't miss out on our fall shows when we hit Denver, Salt Lake City, Phoenix, and, making our CANADIAN debut, Toronto! Head over to our website to buy tickets now—Toronto, your tix are going on sale next week, so stay tuned, we'll let you know!  Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new MINGO!, WHAT IF Donna?, Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a Headgum podcast. Welcome to W.HM Mailbag, everybody. My name is Andrew Jubin, and I'm about to bring in, well, just three of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. let's see here they're all handsome and it's equal hunkability so I'm not bringing them in by who's the hunkiest but let's just say welcome Steve Sadek

oh I like that that theme song that people are commenting on in the chat was created by Paige from Chicago so thank you Paige for that kick-out cool a little slow jam we've been doing on some of our Patreon hits speaking of hits

here's a guy who's had more hits than all of us Eric Siska I have been beaten quite a bit I meant your secret career is a musician dude oh right

yeah well weren't you buckethead I don't want to combine my personal life with whatever this is so but thank you Paige by the way yeah

and you know him you love him Mr. Chris Cabin here as well how much how much did he pay you to make him the most handsome first one I need to hear it.

Let me know the number. So this is what's rig. This is what's rig. This is what's rig. It's not the game. The entrances. Chris, you need to believe in objective reality.

And that is that I am the hunkiest of all of them. Of all of the real origin of my ass. Oh, man. That's an origin story. I'd love to hear someday. Objective reality. I love it. Yeah, so we are here to read some letters, but first, and more excitingly, I think, we have some dates to announce.

That's right. We will be playing some shows this fall in North America. Oh, well, whoa, that's kind of common for us. That's right. But do you see what I did there, though, Eric? I said that we're doing shows in North America. Whoa, do you mean North, North America? Yeah.

That's right. The north of North America. The Maple Land? The Maple Land. We are going to the Maple Land. Now, the thing with the Maple Land, we got a date in the Maple Land we got to tell you about. But tickets are not on sale for this one until next week at some point.

So for the other three shows, we're going to talk about, yes, tickets are on sale. But this one next week. And we are very stoked that in October, we will be going to one of my favorite of all time Toronto that is right that is right it is happening I'm so excited Toronto yes we're going to do

one show in Canada and if you don't come I don't think they'll ever be we'll never be back and just an FYI for you folks when Eric goes to Canada he's going to be playing a game that's right because Steve we're talking about what

Saw 4 that's the one that's I think it's concurrent with Saw 3. That's Donnie Wahlberg meets a grizzly end in that one. That sounds right. That sounds right. Yeah, yeah. It's near Halloween.

We're going to have so much fun. That's right. I think it's maybe where we get jigsaw's backstory. I can't guarantee you. It is, okay, because that is really what's worth it. That is the key part. The origin of how we got the cancer, right? Yes, the cancer.

It's like a bad Milo thing. You get the cancer to actually come out. He's like sunbathing too much or something. Yep. Is this the one where he gets dressed down by Carrie Elway's, or he dresses Carrey Elways down or something? Because Carrie Elways shows back up in one of these. Yeah, look, the largest life.

I forget. I don't remember if he's in that one. Hard to remember these things. They kind of all blend together. Yeah. But yeah, those will be on sale next week. We will definitely have all your fun information for October. Toronto, Canada.

Saw 4. That's right. Saw 4. Hell yeah. I'm going to go to fucking Queen Mother Cafe. get my ass the fucking ping guy chicken which I've not had in several years right now it's going to be awesome

I'm super excited about that so Canada we are coming for you now America we got some dates for you as well here what's to go next I'll go for this one oh Chris Cabin okay do it up Chris Cabin do this one we're going to be starting in wonderful

Denver Colorado on November 14th we will be at the Comedy Works and we will be talking about a little bit war games. Boom. Professor Falkin. You have to do a show

in Denver, Colorado. Would you like to play a claim? I don't know if I can play a game. Godzilla. There's other things on the line here. I do like this movie. I also like the

low tech phone hacking Broderick does. I guess sort of Ferris Bueller-esque. Yes. His hair's a little floppy on this one. You've never seen this movie, right, Andrew? no i didn't i thought i did but that was the movie with the monkey which uh we will be dealing with that what is that what is that a movie where that's being like yes that's project x

aka monkey torture like they they just really strapped those monkeys down let me get let me write this man with them yeah yeah you thought uh you thought that torture you thought that director's kind of lawnmower man was bad well that's the funny things they made another movie as like Miles Teller like a sex comedy a couple of years ago and like I just could imagine somebody like yeah man project X what's that monkey doing why is he why is he getting cancer what do you mean what happened to the monkey movie yeah it was like a found footage thing yeah like party the biggest party ever type yeah yeah I turned it off but project X we should look into because I've been trying desperately to get us to do a monkey

month on the show. I think it would be amazing. That's right. Oh, there's a bananas. Yes. We will be finally talking about Dunstan checks in. We must. Speaking of Justin Chuck in, where are we checking in next after Denver, Colorado on November 14th? On November the 15th,

we're taking probably a plane, I think, to Salt Lake City, Utah to talk about fatal attraction at wise guys. And now you know like, Salt Lake City, Utah probably one of the sexiest places on earth. Oh, yeah. Even their underwear is magic. That's how good they are at it.

Yeah, Michael Douglas and Glenn Close, they get together over a big, like, sippy straws of soda. And they just sip soda together. And that's how they get erotic with one another. Salt Lake City. I'm really excited to see that city as well. Right. This is how they get erotic with one another. I don't know where, I feel like that's maybe we're run into trouble. Yeah. You know, like, I feel like they could do a little bit of. of, you know, y'alling from around here, you know. Yeah. Musical knife right in the street. Yep, I can see it.

That's the wrong, Jesus Christ, you're worshipping, pal. It's likely we can get, if we're ever going to get easy rider on the road, it might happen at that after that show. But if we live through it, that ties in for the next movie. That's right. November

17th, Phoenix, Arizona, we will be talking about Universal Soldier great undead dude movie dudes rock movie at CB live in Phoenix Arizona

yeah hell yeah you should mention that these American dates Denver Salt Lake City Phoenix all on sale now WHMP Podcasts.com hit that tour tab you can get tickets right now and you should get tickets

right now actually you don't want the hell billies to beat you to it I mean and wait to hear us just doing these dueling J-C-V-D Dolf Lundgren Impressions. It's going to be Marble Mouth Time. Get ready for it.

Oh, big time. It's going to be bad. It's going to be real bad. Falling on the ice pad. Like, just terrible stuff. That's right. That's right. But yeah, it's great. A very nice person in the chat just asked, will these be posted online? These titles aren't so great.

It's always a matter of if the fucking if Eddie doesn't fuck us. We want to post these online. but you know you gotta be there to see it because who the hell knows what you want to talk about monkeys working things

these texts that we walk up on yeah we feed them in bananas so you know as always you'll see but if you noticed gentle listener this month in August has been all live episodes that's how we take vacations because the show does not stop here

at We Hey movies so that's how we work that in so it is always too hard advantage to make sure that those live shows shows record well, so we can release them. So keep your fingers crossed. Just in case the sound people from these venues are listening right now. We love

you. We love you. Fantastic. We trust in you. Still got a grudge against that dude from Detroit though. That guy can fucking suck it. It's going to be your last words to whoever is with you is about this guy. I see

a confused person in the chat on Twitch mentioning, is there another chat because I'm not seeing what we're talking about. There is a chat on YouTube as well. So you can get the show from both. And that is and if you're listening to this on audio, after the fact, you could watch it on

YouTube archive that YouTube.com slash we hate movies. That's right. That is right. So yeah, Canadian debut, big deal, as well as our debut in three cities that we've never played before here in the U.S. So it's going to be fucking great.

Super excited for these fall shows. absolutely i've never been any of these i've been to toronto loved it never been to any of the out west shows really excited about it really excited about going to all these cities out west i yeah i'm i'm super excited there will be a marshal designated at each show in the back just in case i know you guys i didn't want to you know if you want to do the gun stuff there will be a good guy there let's look out he'll have a squirt gun full of uh of uh red hot that'll be what he has the person back

Hey, so do we want to get to some letter reading? We do. Sure. You should do it up. Might be the mood

here. So we got some letters for you. Now, Chris Cabin, you are the mailkeeper here at We Hate Movies.

Yeah. Who should start? Who should do that Mr. Mail Kemp? You know what? I'll start. This is a long one. So I'll get us

kicked off here. Thank you. I want to hear that buttery voice. I know you do. baby. Slap it on me like a white toast. Yes.

Well, it's got to melt a little fifth first, baby. You can't get right out of the fridge like this. We'll do a little foreplay. Hey, can you guys go, turn your heads. Everybody go away. So this is from our old friend. We'll excuse ourselves.

All right, baby. Are you ready for it, baby? Okay. All right. Do it. This is from our friend, Sean, from side show. Our old friend. Oh.

Great guy. Miss dude, man. Yeah. Hello, Sean from Side Show here. My wife and I regularly watch the mailbags and enjoy all the fun and offered stories you guys share. Thank you. Hi. Hi, Sean. She's always urging me to send something in. So here's the time I met a famous person. When I first moved to Los Angeles back in 2010, I found work at a second spin store, which is basically an F.I. solely for use media.

Tour of Boulevard in Sherman Oaks. I don't know where any of that is. California. Well, yeah, Jen, I know that, but I don't know like... It's part of the sprawl. You know, part of it, yeah. Los Angeles, that puke on the sea and it spreads out. Yeah, I understand that. I just don't know if it's like downtown or what area. I don't. It's all very nice.

No, he's correct. It's a vomit state. Right down the street from a host of television studios and production offices. As you could imagine, the customer base was unique, ranging from actors to musicians to Hollywood reporter contributors flipping the unopened copies of Predators on DVD

Yeah that's just Now do I need to go back and revisit that because you know every single Every single movie you didn't like ends up trending on Twitter like oh this is actually the good one Oh you missed it yeah you missed it a couple years ago man that Predators was no no incorrect I'm sorry like I try not to like buy

you know, booked by the cover, but any movie made by a guy whose first name is Nimrod. Oh, God. Oh, no. I mean, I actually like, I liked control and vacancy. Control's good. But like, but like that and the armored,

the armored car. Yeah, I wasn't too crazy on that. These were not good. I like some of his movies. And that's just a, you know, a proud name out there. Oh, yeah. I get. Now, which one was that, though? That was that with Tofer Grace there?

It was Matt Dillon. Matt Dillon. No, I think you're talking about Adrian Brody's in that one. Adrian Brody is in. I'm talking about armored. Armored. Oh, armored. Oh, I don't know what the...

Oh, yeah, I'm asking about predators. Okay, we're crossing the streets here. We're lost in Nimrod Atal movies out of nowhere. The Nimrod verse is now spreading. We're just getting messed here. Yeah, no, I've never seen that armored car movie. Apologies. I have.

I have. I did not see his Metallica. a movie, so. Oh, that never. I kind of always wanted to see that. Is that the one with Dane DeHan? Yeah. It is. It's horrible. It's stupid. It's so stupid. It's really bad.

Okay. Where was I then? Oh, Predators on DVD. Once sold Clancy Brown, a Peter Frampton CD. Nice. Edward Furlong came into the store to buy an Xbox 360 game and left his BMW keys on the counter.

He probably did it on purpose. I'm trying to show off a little bit, yeah. Probably showing up just a little bit. That is accidentally leaving your keys on purpose. Oh, sorry, Terminator. Is this my V-M-W Fobb? I'll be on my way. No, it's more like, oh, no, it's a rent is due and I can't make it.

Let me see if I can get this sick insurance check Terminator. Oh, no, my car was stolen. Who knows, man? I wish him well. Yes. I wish him well. Also, by the way, Clancy Brown, Frampton

will be coming alive tonight. Yeah, dude. How about that? That's awesome. Clancy Brown just buying CDs in 2010. I can see him being a Frampton head actually. It makes sense. They got similar like wild mains. I can see it.

It was a good time too. I saw him live the other year. Really? Pre-pandemic. Yeah. It was good. Did you feel like he did or what was it like? Yeah, yeah. It was like, oh man, that guy's guitarist. talking to me. It was a fun time. So

one afternoon, I returned from break and went back to work, offering to help out a pretty young lady with her entertainment choices. Before she can even respond, I hear bellowing from across the store. Hey, she's with me.

I turn around to see the dice man. Oh, no. Headed toward me, decked out in a sleeveless shirt, track pants, and a fanny pack. He also had an eye. That's the dice man's uniform. He also had an eye patch on not over his eye where it should be, but resting on top of his head. Okay. I got to block out my third eye because I got psychic powers over here, Bucco! I'm a levitating. This was an odd fashion choice it was given the rampant conjunctivitis

festering in his left eye. Oh, how do you know that? Oh, oh, no. Hey, I got shit in my fucking eye, all right? Oh, he's a comedy genius. Do you have that Enrique Inglace's song where he says, I want to fuck you tonight? Yeah, let me see what Peter Frampton albums you got here.

Let me just grab them, grab them. Do you got a Mary J. Blige? I love her stuff. She's fantastic. I'm going down as well, Mary. The Enrique Iglesias one wasn't a rift. He literally said it in the letter. I wanted to let Steve go with that.

I had no idea what he was talking about, but I've worked in retail enough to figure it out. He later confessed loudly, I'm looking for music to fuck to. something with a good driving beat driving he's driving

just to do that oh that's driving a car and it's good it's like roadhead music you know like possibly oh whoa I'm driving a car over here

oh yeah I know who's going to drive you home tonight because I walked him over to the electronic music with a good good idea where he proceeded to grab CDs at random and ponder aloud their effectiveness based on their title quote unquote this could be a good one it says kinky as he cashed out was he trying to get a new like TV show kind of a thing like hey everybody remember me I like sex like you know what I mean in the middle of the store Isn't it entertaining when I shop? Doesn't anybody remember the Osbournes?

What I'm going to do is I'm going to annoy retail employees on camera and see what they do. Who knows? It could be a hit. As he cashed out and left, I could only wonder if my customer service did indeed help the Dice Man comment. Well done, dude. Good stuff, buddy. Since you guys share a lot of celebrity encounters, maybe let's delve into your retail experiences have you ever been witness to a memorable customer

freak out or employees brawling with each other keep up the great work hope to see you guys swing by the current digs in Denver for a live show in the future there you go there you go Sean it's happening this November uh thankfully I did not get uh I did not contract contract pink eye from Andrew Dice in play well good for you Sean man that would be like it would be like gonnery on top of it like it would it hurt when you cry like you know burn yeah good crust you get a good crust going on there oh god that's disgusting crusty cry so i mean what reminds me of this andrew is your famous story about fred durst but i mean maybe we've told that too many times at this point oh yeah no it's just one time his bodyguard like shoved me out of the way because fred

Durst was buying CDs at the RIPD Virgin Megastore in Times Square. Yeah, I haven't told that one of a call that. Mr. Durst is trying to shop. Yep, Mr. Durst was trying to shop and my fat ass was in the way. I worked at a gym in college that used to be a gold's gym, which is a big heavy meathead gym. And then it turned into like more of a gym for everyday folks. You know what I mean?

And like, uh, yeah. And like, what I would do is I would sell people on gym memberships, but whenever the, the sort of like a trick of the trade was whenever someone like a big meat heady kind of a guy came in like don't you know sell them the membership totally fine but really emphasize that you don't have what they're looking

for kind of the thing so that's that was sort of right yeah the stock it's like oh yeah the weights only go up to 60 pounds you know you can't really slam the weights and blah blah blah so enter Devon Dudley of the Dudley boys what wow

the biggest dude I ever saw of my mind. And I was just like, and it took me a while. It was like five years after I stopped watching wrestling, but it took me like 30 seconds. I'm like, that's Diva on Dudley. It is. Yeah, it is. Yeah. You don't forget the Dudley boys, dude. So I took him on a tour and I kind of gave him, I gave him the thing. And I was like, you know, there's this, there's a lot of treadmills here. If you want those, there's like, you know, there's, uh, you know, some weights, but they don't go very high and blah, blah, blah. And he walked away. He's a really nice, really super nice guy. but I remember being like

I just wonder what's going to now I kind of want to watch DeVon Dudley work out and or smash someone through a table you could have been collecting his sweat you know that's exactly that's like genetic material on eBay yeah you could at least drink it yeah drink it yourself get the powers

you know right like muscular yeah I mean it's like bane zero that's my weirdo celebrity retail encounter and yeah the weights only go up to 60 not a lot of tables to throw people to. Yeah, we you're not going to get a ladder through the door.

You can't really, there's no room. I mean, look at these low fields. You cannot power bomb anybody in here. So don't, I wouldn't even try to power bomb anybody. Do you guys have bungee, like, things I can bounce off of anywhere? No. No, no, that's like that.

No, and do you got corners? I want to if I want to go up on something and die bomb, what what can I do? Oh, nothing. Okay, then I can't do it here. I'm sorry. You know, I don't have any like celebrity encounter and a retail experience. The only thing

that comes to mind, and I think I might have even just mentioned this on the show before is once I had an ear infection about like 10 years ago and I was pretty rude to the cash. I was not a great person to the pharmacist. And then a day goes by, I feel bad and I go to apologize

and the kids running away from me. So I'm chasing. For some reason, I started chasing him. instead of getting the best I'm like oh I'm sorry I'm like running out what how bad did it get with this kid where were you we look just short or were you like fucking tell me what the

fuck is going no yeah I had a melt down okay yeah that's the hell but I would run for you too dude but I wanted to make it good no no no it's you know because I'm a you know big tough guy I let things go too far and suddenly I'm dying and there's no

and it seems trivial of why I'm not being given the medicine I need at that moment. So you have the freak out. Then the next day, you'd run into the store. Looking to apologize, you chase him. We tried to go. We tried to give him a commemorative of life.

He ran into the back and I had to like tell someone else. Tell him, I'm sorry. This is a squirt gun. I didn't mean, I know it looks realistic. It didn't know. Apologies to the CVS pharmacy on Broadway and Astoria Queen. The weirdest thing I mean, this

I don't, this doesn't count as a brawl But it's close enough There were the two guys who ran I worked for a very small like online Like construction company for a little while I did like all of their websites and stuff like that And the office was just me and these two guys They're direct underling

The secretary and then the guy who like built the back end of the website, like all the coding and everything like that. So me and the coding guy were just kind of off to the side all the time. But once in a while, the two main, the two like heads of the company would get into these big like screaming matches.

In front of everybody? In front of everybody. Very loud. And it would go on for way too long. And at least three times, it ended with one of them smacking the other one and that ending it. Whoa.

and like just like everybody like not looking at it and I'm like A we didn't have an HR surprise So physical violence Like it was I mean How hard is that slap? A slap I hurt

Yeah would they make an NBC series About it? No way No kids were around So not exactly that's that's the element They really need but it was incredibly weird and like They just hung out all the time

together so I just assume It was some secret weird thing with them. But had I had any way to talk about it to anybody? Because the guy directly under them was also like kind of like looking at it and then like looking back down like. And like nobody wanted to say anything. How soon after the biggest blowout did you quit that job forever? So the first time was probably like five or six months before they moved. from Queens to Long Island

I offered me to move with them and I'm like hitting it we're not doing that won't be happening no thank you should we go on do another letter here sure do it up

who should take it I mean everybody could take this one okay trailer tantrum hey WHM gang long time listener second time writing in wow look at this

I've had a movie theater story I've been meaning to share with you guys for a while, seeing as I think there's a special place in your hearts for awful theater experiences. Well, of course, lay it on us. I was staying with my brother in Birmingham, Alabama,

for a few days before heading home for break. One of my brother's roommates was a huge X-Men fan and convinced the rest of us to go see a movie that Friday night so he could see the trailer for, you guessed it, X-Men Origins, Wolverine. man oh brother

the trailer was going to go on the internet in a few days but this friend just couldn't wait I've been that guy before so I get it fast forward to the five of us sitting in the local multiplex to see the Keanu Reeves remake of the day the earth stood still

on opening night which would have the trailer for X-Men origins attached terrible movie really really stinky movie I just love the bargaining there like all right listen we're going to go see an awful movie but the good news

is there's going to be a trailer for possibly an even worst movie before it. It probably is right. The day there Earth stood still versus X-Men Origins were reading in comparison. Wolverine is a worst movie. Yeah, by far, by quite a margin. Yeah.

Though this was opening weekend, not another soul was in the theater on that Friday night. I love that. in fact so few people had bought tickets that the projectionist forgot to start the movie been there

about 10 minutes after showtime the ex fan got up to go see a manager oh you wanted to watch the movie oh I'm very sorry yeah I didn't think anybody wanted to I thought you were just going in there to make out no I'm sorry

yeah we'll start the movie for you that's a good point we could use like dark rooms like every city's got like a dark room you could buy a ticket and go in there you know I mean that's karaoke kind of well no no no but like more ominous it's just a dark room I can guarantee you would get a business loan for that venture people are just going to start fucking in the place that's the point yeah exactly they will absolutely yeah so you know what not

not long after that defecating it's just going to be defecation but we respect our clientele and we clean it up after like on the hour. My secret plan to retire always was like to have because I remember like when I lived in the Bronx and I had like shit to do in the city like after work but it was like really late

and I just I always thought like it would be cool to have a little area where you could take a nap but again it would just become a fuck palace like you know what I mean like yeah if you could just go into like a little room where you can take a nap for like an hour and a half you know anytime during the day it's not a hotel room like

Maybe it's small. It's a cabinet-sized situation. You're at least getting masturbators, right? Exactly. Yeah. I think I've seen those, like, aren't those in Tokyo? Those little, like, module, like, little, there's the size of like a torpedo day? I'd love it.

I'd fucking love it. Probably, yeah. Yeah. I think people do get up to fucking in those. They're way ahead of jerking off. Light years ahead of it. Light years away. Let's see.

A few minutes later, the movie starts, but to the X-Fans' horror. the projectionist, probably as an apology for starting the movie late, started the first reel of the picture instead of the trailers. I would appreciate that if the movie was late, to be honest. But ex-fan, so

I will say though, if the trailer was attached to the first reel of the film, they likely wouldn't have cut it off. So it was just in the trailer mix. I guess is the idea. Okay.

X-fan was livid and again stormed out of the otherwise empty theater. Thank you, Patriot. I like this one. What the fuck you do is showing the movie for? The fucking movie theater, you idiot? Are you shitting me? Are you showing the fuck? He's showing the movie.

Where's the commercials? Look at me. Look at me. Look at my face. Look at my t-shirt. Does this look like a person who wanted to see the remake of the day the earth stood still? Or do you think it was maybe the Wolverine Man? Yes, yes, I understand that I bought a ticket to exactly that movie.

I understand that. Listen to me, though. Listen to me. Shut up and listen to me. Look, you're not getting it, all right? I guess you're just not getting it. At that point, I'd be like, dude, do you want to just go into another room and watch the trailer? Like, you know what, man, sir?

How do I get you out of this movie theater quicker? There's a completely different movie starting next door, but it does have the Wolverine trailer on it, sir. Feel free to just slink in there. Which will be online in 48 hours, and I know that's a problem. After about five to ten minutes, the movie stopped and the trailers started.

The ex-fan was back. We watched the trailers, and he was, of course, happy to see the jacked man in all his glory. once the trailers were over about 30 minutes after the original showtime the movie finally started

Jesus I remember being disappointed overall but was also a bit distracted as an attendant with a broom waited patiently through the last 20 minutes of the movie waiting for us jerks to vacate the joint look at those 4 a.m. after all these shenanigans

thanks again for all your programs and hope to see y'all in Pittsburgh if you're able to reschedule that show, best John. Well, we can't reschedule that very show because the venue was supposed to be at went out of business. That is true. And then it went to another venue that, anyway, things happen. Maybe we'll try to get there some way.

I just can imagine this attendant down there with the broom. Like 15 minutes in, you're like left of the movie. And he's like, come on. You know what's going to happen, right? Come on, guys. Do you really want to stay in here for all this? You know what's going to happen. Come on.

Can I go on to Andy Rooney-esque grant? Oh, yes, definitely. X-Fan here. No, no, not about X-Men, shockingly. But this weekend, we're called two weeks. I was at a movie fucking last week. And it bugs me now that we are keeping the lights on throughout the trailers. Like, you know what I mean?

Like, I feel like, it's a problem. A, it gives me anxiety because I'm an anxious person that like somebody's not a control of the switch and after the trailers I'm going to have to go and be the guy that says, hey, the lights are still on, which I've done more than like five times in the last 10

years. You know what I mean? So it's happened enough. Two, I want to, the trailer is like kind of a cinematic experience unto itself. I'm not asking people to restart movies. Steve, this is the slippery slope that started with a signed movie seats. Oh, here we go. And now

Let's just leave the fucking lights on because we got to find our fucking seat because we're getting there as late as fucking possible because we didn't have to do the work that everyone else was willing to do to get that seat. I will tell you this. Oh man, totally lost my train of thought. Coming back around with these movie theaters. The trailers with the lights on. Oh, yeah.

Here's the thing I don't agree with you, Steve. I think it's fair game. I don't agree with the light levels. We used to have a middle ground for that Now it's like one and then the other Don't appreciate that but with the phones And like as far as like a cinematic experience Of the trailers

I'm not asking for behavior during the trailers Because if it's like get it out of your system Be a fucking jerk Check whatever you have to check That's all so fair Especially at a multiplex spend 25 minutes doing that My spidey sense goes up When someone's a little chatty during the trailer

I'm like is this going to be a problem You know what I mean? Like you're starting to get your sense of the room, but I don't freak out about it again. I'm not going to shush somebody during a trailer, you know what I mean? But we could dim the lights. Let's fucking have some pageantry here, folks.

Yeah, it's got to be some walking lights, man. You can do that. There's a difference. I forget the movie it was, but I saw there was a trailer for Blair Witch Book of Shadows before, I think it was the Patriot, the Mel Gibson joint. Yeah. This was my second

time seeing it because we had nothing to do. in the cat skills and my brother was with me and he started laughing at the trailer and some dude like was like he like turned and was like no no it was an older dude like a boomer guy or you know got the manager the movie stopped like we finally got through the trailers the movie started projection went off house lights came up they kicked me and my brother out of the theater because my brother laughed during the book of shadows Blair witch project was what in the fuck was it during that slim part in time when people actually thought that movie was real like probably those kids died on yeah exactly okay you're you're you're you're making fun of a tragedy

okay meanwhile that guy definitely denied sandy hook later i don't know i don't know that for sure but i'm guessing but wait a second blare which movie there's nothing about it that's a documentary no no there's not but i mean like but like you know that maybe there was so much reverence for the tragedy of the first one. Oh, oh, right. You might have also said a cuss word. Oh, I see. He was laughing and maybe he said a cuss word too. That turns the tables entirely then.

But it's not, but it's an R-rated movie. Yeah. You kick you out for saying for maybe an F-bomb while you're laughing at a trailer. We got yelled at for laughing at snakes on a plane. Come on. Yeah. Because people can die from snakes on a plane. It's not funny.

Tap and manager. The manager came in and was like, we've got reports that people are laughing at this movie. This film contains people losing their lives. And I was like, yes, in hilarious fashions. It's not like they smuggled snakes

under those planes on 9-11. There were box cutters. It's not like I'm fucking cackling during night and fog. Like, it's a fucking stupid B movie. I was gobsmacked. Are you telling me you're laughing during Army of Darkness? All right, shut it down.

those skeletons those skeletons were people they were people they were and they were killing other people and you should just have respect for all those people he is trapped 6,000 years before he was born did you imagine how sad that is

would you like that happen to you that's not funny all he has is an Oldsmobile a chainsaw in a book on chemistry it's not funny and just you think about all the people who are going to die for him to get back to the day he was at, okay? There's going to be so much death there, so you should take it seriously.

You know what's the sugar, baby? You think that's funny? He's got one arm. You're disgusting, dude. Yeah, it's a disabled man trying to make it, okay? And you're laughing. I do think, though, that the laughing during movies can get a bit much to, like, with the fucking repertory stuff.

I watched the fucking juniper tree at Metrograph, a movie about whether or not Bjork may or may not be a witch. And people were laughing like with fucking Jim Carrey was farting on screen. And I'm like, what are we talking about, dude? What are we talking about?

The cynical laughing during repertory screening is I cannot fucking sanction. Like, get your head in the game, realize when the movie was made and shut the fuck up. That's why film form is great because those old people

will attack you. They will go. Oh yeah. They will go. I understand like making fun of a trailer or whatever, it's fine. But like if you're laughing a lot

during a repertory screen, you're allowed to be attacked by a grantee then you've built it upon yourself I want to I want the ability to any time that I hear a cynical laugh at a rep screening I want to have to I want to I know this is you know a little controversial I want to

be able to drug test because if they are high that's fine sure you're just in high at the movie and you're fucking goofing off whatever I don't give a shit so you should have to piss in a cup to get a seat in me I want to know that like if if you're just doing it just because you want to be cool, go fuck

your stuff. Like, die, guys, slowly. Stop everything for two to three hours, get the person out, P, analyze. These are the same people who are getting their fucking, the minute tickets go on sale, they're getting it, and they're choosing their fucking seeds. So you can do it right then.

Also, yeah, because Chris, you know, you know, weed more than anyone. You could probably just taste test piss and see if there's THC in it. Your body would know. Eric, I just need a sniff. I just need a sniff these days. That's funny. it's the aura. Chris and I should team up because I know Piss better than anybody

but I don't know weeds so much. Oh my God, you guys, this is beautiful. What a great movie would that be. We could call it. Like Piss Doctor, no. The Pins Brothers. Cannapist. Cannapist. Canapist.

That's it. Canapis. There it is. There we go. The Cannapis brothers. And you guys like drink piss. For totally different reasons. I like this. Totally different reasons. One for enjoyment, one for investigative purposes.

We're giddy. We're all over the place. I should probably just read the next letter. So you find folks could go home tonight. That's right. American Pie presents cover band. Hi, gang. While listening to a recent episode, I was reminded of a trip to a music festival in the fine city of Bristol in 2013.

Ooh. After seeing my favorite band at the time, I left the, I left the D, uh, I left the decommission boat they were playing on I would like to know what band that is. I was wondering. I kind of thought. Yeah, but they don't say. And then they go on to say that after they left

the decommission boat, this amazing band was playing on, mystery. They were greeted by a lone guitar player on stage singing Nickelbacks how you remind me. Terrible song. Wow. Absolutely awful song.

Wait, like after the show ended or was this like a different. I think it's a festival. Okay. Gotta. Yeah. Like that's what it sounds like. Okay. I believe this is a music festival. I stood watching with my friends for a second laughing as it was the peak L.O.L. Nickelback

when a grim realization washed over. Uh-oh. I composed myself before turning to my friend next to me and blurting out. Is that fucking Kevin from American Pie? No. No way, man. oh sure enough

it was in fact Thomas Ian Nichols playing covers at a music festival in southwest England I feel like I just got kicked in the stomach did he buy all the tickets for the gig and then

did that how everybody got the tickets for free well it turned like his book scam yes you know what I admire a good grift he was in a room full of a bunch of old grizzled musicians that were ready and then he comes in and he goes, I'm the new musician and everything. Record

scratch, goodness, just great balls of fire. Because he's got like a fucking weird injury that makes him his tendons fuck up and it can play guitar better now. He's got a weird brain injury where he thinks fucking Nickelback rules. He strolls past radio head and says

enough of this third base shit. I need to get laid maybe we did not hang out with that guy so man I'm tired of all these

blow jobs oh hey Tom York you're what turns out he was traveling the world doing this

regularly and for real for real money rather he mostly performed at frat party quote unquote

club nights in the UK oh man I got kicked in the stomach again. Dude, I would perform at a frat night in the UK. I wanted that. Sure. Yeah, I want to die. They would welcome me with open arms, right? You just have to

say, is it, no, which one of them? That's not the A ones. It's not the, it's not the mate ones. It's the bloke ones, right? It's not Cricke. Cricky. Okay, Australia. Okay, yeah, yeah. There's Australia. That's pretty distinctive Canada. Sure. England. I don't even know what they are. So, I mean, if I, if I, if we did play a fat party, I'd get kicked out three times

and try to keep coming back in. Exactly. Get out of here, Professor. Oh, man. So he had also been releasing original music under the name Tin Band. It's D-I-N-All-Capital.

I don't know. I know that's not Tin Machine, that's for sure. No, not that. No, no. Oh, because it's Thomas Ian Nichols Band. I think it's, you guys are saying it wrong. I think it's Nicholas. Oh, is Nicholas?

What was, what were you saying? Nichols, like, you were saying like Mike Nichols. Oh, got it's like Nicholas. It's like Nicholas Cage. Thomasian Dimes. Thomas Ian Nicholas, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll buy your fake book.

Still up on his, he's probably on his website, Eric. Oh, I'm sure. There's all kinds of. The book was really, I think the movie turned out to be fake. Ah, I see. Okay. But you know what?

Honestly, I should be more. professional and I should be getting these names right, especially of an esteemed actor. Yeah, it's true. Of course. The next day I bumped into him hanging out with a music producer right now couldn't have been a nicer guy. And if I had to sum up his vibe, it was just happy to be here. I mean, that's kind of cool because it's someone, you know, you might assume as a dick or whatever, but it's nice to hear that he appreciates the fruits that God gave him, right, Chris? Yeah, absolutely. I'm absolutely agree with that.

I also do want to make fun of the fact that he's covering Nickelback, though. Yeah, that's the thing. I feel like that really does need to. If that is who you decide to cover, that's, that's really bad. If you're just like going through like, now that's what I call music volume whatever, and just covering whatever's on there. Yeah. I don't got a lot of respect for that. I got to tell you. Well, you know, he's going to have the last laugh in life. I feel. I'm sure he will. I'm sure he will. But the letter ends with before I leave you, I must. I must ask if any of you had ever spotted an actor doing something you didn't expect. Thanks, William.

I once saw Clint East would say thank you. So there's one. He was at New York Film Festival. Somebody held the door open for him and he said thank you. Wow. I was pretty surprised by that. You know, now that you mentioned that, I expected this, but I ran into Kevin Bacon once. I was just going to my old job at MTV and he was going to the Paramount Screening Room.

that you had in 15. Oh, I guess I shouldn't name in Times Square. Yeah, sure. There's a corporate building in Times Square. Right. And someone held the door open for him

and he said, thank you. I would have expected it, but it was nice to hear it. Yeah. Well, come and bake it's a gentleman. I know that. Yeah. I wanted to ask him,

could he take his dick at? Can I see it? Wanted to ask him. I was a little starstruck. I saw Paul Dano at a beer at a bar in Brooklyn and he did not riddle anyone Wow. Yeah, it was weird. When was this?

That must have been five years ago, possibly. I saw Paul Dano at the Def Punk concert in Coney Island at the Minor League baseball game down there. That was like Little Miss Sunshine era. Okay, and that's before he got beaten in a bathroom. So like just try to keep up with

Paul Dena. Yeah, okay. That movie's tough. That movie. is tough um yeah i saw edward norton kind of freak out uh at a kid like a little teenager for asking him to like sign a fight club tv oh come on it is like how what level of he just by the way this is all allegedly what we're saying what thomasy and nichols or nicholas all of that is all alleged dice man probably never went to a store in his life but anyway go on for legal reasons.

No, he just got like really indignant. It was kind of like, oh, of course, it's this movie, you know? And it was like, fuck you, dude. You're here for the painted veil. That movie sucked shit. Yeah. It would be funny if it was primal fear. Yeah, exactly.

What is the movie you want signed American History X? Like, what are we talking about here? Death to Smoochie? Yeah. I mean, does he feel like maybe Fight Club was negative in his mind in some way? Like, a young man into Fight Club is not a young man. me like I'm trying to understand his logic I think he thought it was a little cliched like

oh yeah of course of course you would bring this one okay I mean what else is there primal fear I get that's it like literally it you should have grabbed it by the shoulder Andrew like you know what that's why you're not in the Avengers talk to you later you enjoy it dude

you have a great time yeah I guess you could have given him the Incredible Hulk DVD oh yeah what oh god kid oh god you've seen one of my movies you piece of shit how dare you you enjoy and bought the media of a movie I made you fucker

you fuck oh god so we've got two letters left do we want to do both of them do you want to do one how do we want to do this well this next one's very short okay I think we could power through all right so I'll do the next one

because it I have to because it says my dad's minion ass yummy uh dear WHM gang long time fan and Patreon sub here. Thank you very much. Patreon. By the way, just since we're all here, we're all friends. Just close the door

real quick. Do you close the door? Next month on We Love Movies on Patreon. We're going to be talking Lord of the Rings The Two Towers, just an M.I. That's right. Wow. You heard it here first. Also, you'll know that when we come back

for our next season, we will be starting with Steve watching nothing but trouble all the way through and then commenting on it it will be a wonderful episode we hope you're there to listen to it I love that the portrait continues

it's not just for Steve because it's for everyone I don't want to watch that again I've got like 11 days to figure out how to quit this show and that's what we're talking about I'm like how is it going to work okay so a long time time

described thanks for years of last and genuine insight to film thank you I thought I'd reach out and share the story of my father, David, being in the despicable me movies. Wow. After a long career in indie film,

he found himself briefly working good at Universal Pictures where bizarre and universal pictures where bizarre and terrible decisions are the norm. And he befriended an animator with an idea for a marketable franchise-worthy kids film. Some suits just dismissed the idea out of hand, but my dad liked it and sent him, uh to the head of production he left the company before the film came out but as a thanks

he was immortalized in cinema as dave the minion what wow we get no uh we get no royalties my dad's tiny yellow my dad's tiny yellow ass is known worldwide or uh as he might insist uh or as he might insist uh his palm de ore winning ass okay how do you like that uh all the best always jess so like does the main I think it's the main minion the main the ones win the palm door I know I

well they were at can the dad or the dad one of course they were maybe maybe the dad one was involved with the film that won the palm door okay that makes more sense he shared a link but he didn't want the name so

I yeah I got whatever well let's hopeful yeah I don't know I hope we didn't docks this poor gentleman for being in the minions film because that's quite quite sad. I just can't believe there's no royalties there. I feel like that's criminal. It depends. It depends if they actually scanned his ass to be the minion act. If they scanned the ass, then I think they should give him some money. But if not, whatever. I don't know. I hope

he got paid for something though. I mean, this person is saying like that dad was approached to like, you know, bring. So he, you know, he helped plant the seed that has now become this fucking, you know. I think it's one of the, I think one of the, because there are numerous funco pop minions, I think Dave the minion is one of them. And it's got like,

that's the one with like the nicest ass. The nicest plumpest ass. The one that has the song on in the second one. The juiciest of all minion behind. Oh my God. Did you see the thing on Twitter, speaking of minions, the tattoo? Oh, yes.

The minion getting fucked. by another minion. There was a minion getting fucked. Two millions are fucking. Yeah, someone posted that they worked with a person who had a tattoo of two minions fucking. Doggy style. Doggy style.

Oh, oh. That's spicy. I like the details. Yeah. I mean, do you say, well, like, you know, I mean, obviously more than likely this guy's married because he's got kids, but like, if you're hitting on a lady, like, you know,

the Dave of the Minion, that's kind of me. let's see, you know. Movies made billions of dollars. I want to go back to my hotel room and put on cover all. Oh, by the way, Babi, Babu, Bila, Babu, Babu, Babu, Babu, Babu, Babu, Babu, Babu, and then suddenly you're down at the fake FY looking at electronic records saying this one sounds good, it says kinky.

Do you, okay, here you go. Do you think, do you think Andrew Dice Clay has seen any of the despicable me movies. At least one. At least one. You think so? Boomers love that type of shit, for sure. Okay. Yeah, because it's just like colors and things, you know. It's funny. I think it's hilarious.

Also, them juicy asses. Fantastic. So I guess I could take the last one. Take us out of here. City Sickers. Hi, gang. I wrote this in the WHM subreddit, also known as

hell, in the thread about your city slickers episode and was encouraged to send it into the mailbag. So here we go. When I was a kid, I had a lot of stomach issues. Tell me about it, buddy. Yeah, it was too large. This was eventually fixed with surgery.

But one time before they figured out what was wrong with me, my father took me to UCLA Medical Center ER. My father gets up to get something to drink and this old man sits down next to me and starts talking to me. Like Eric, I've never liked Grampies, but I talk to him. There's some okay ones.

There's a few that's not bad. You know what? I always try to be polite, but when a Grampi steps, I shut them down. You got to be ready. That's how you got to handle it, dude. I give the olive branch and if it's stepped upon,

they are stepped upon. You got to act like a lion tamer in that situation. Absolutely, dude. You get that fucking chair up. Right in their fucking face. knock their dentures out with a fucking share. You have to be ready to take away their prunes and their

little bowl of chipped beef. You have to be ready to take those back from them because they're going to cold. And they're inflated ego. Where do they get off? Just because you've lived longer. Get over yourself. At some point, I look around and see my father and everyone else

standing around and staring at me but I carry on my conversation. Eventually, the grampy asked me why I was there. And I told him. I throw up a lot. At which point, the Grampi promptly excused himself and walked away. You didn't want to be in the splatter section. All right, kids. All right, kid. You keep that with your father later. My father then came over and asked me if I knew who that was. I told him no. He told me it was Jack Palance.

No. Wow. Are you throwing up every day, son? UCLA Medical Center You're my number one ER Yeah I had another one My trademark heart attacks What are you in for?

Yeah, with this heart attack I filled out the punch card The next one's free Hey Doc Have you figured out a way for me to get surgery While also smoking cigarettes? I mean also like Even if you don't know that he's famous or whatever

I would be so scared of that man specifically. Oh, yeah. Jack Palin's off a bus. I don't even know what he is. Hello, this is go to Second Avenue. Oh, I don't have an exact change. Take whatever you want, man. I thought vampires couldn't come out during the day.

Ah, why are you here? I throw up a lot. And also apparently I started pissing my pants now. All right, I got to go. Jesus, kid. I explained that I didn't know who that is. So he told me it was the Joker's boss in Batman, which is correct. I responded, oh, and he was that old guy in City Slickers, too.

Yes. Okay. Anyway, I still haven't seen the first City Slickers. Weird, weird one. But that was my closest brush to fame I've ever had. Best, Evan from Southern California. Evan, thank you for writing in. wonderful story.

I am glad you had that brush with fame. I wish it happened to me. And I know this is a legend. We have to say everything is a legend here. You might never have met him. It's nice that he's like a nice guy. It's like, little kid needs a little cheering up.

What if an old fucking terrifying man. Oh, I thought you had cancer. It's just baffing. All right. I'm leaving. You may remember me as the Joker's boss. that's right the big man kicks up to me he should

they should have sat down and be like let me tell you the legend of Curley's coronary is why I'm here today and it was just it was a tough day kid so let me get this straight kid you don't know about curly

but you know all about old Duke. It's kind of weird. You only saw the second one. Duke. Brother Duke. It's so stupid. Well, that's a state tune for sure. Well, I mean, look at this. This is, these are the letters. And there they go. They're done. So we can now announce again, November 14th, we'll be in Denver, Colorado at the Comedy Works talking about war games.

Yeah. And then November 15th, Salt Lake City, Utah. We will be at Wise Guys talking about fatal attraction. That's right. And November 17th, we're going to be in Phoenix, Arizona, and we're going to be talking about Universal Soldier.

Hell yeah. That's the right there. And next week, we'll let you in on more information about us coming to the great city of Toronto in Canada talking about Saw 4. That's right. We're so far, just one show in Canada. So if you want to see us,

Come to that show, you know, the Maple Country and we'll see, you know. Hopefully we can do more, but you have to come out and force for this show. I think, yes. Well, you know what? We ran long on the letters this evening, so I think we're going to cap it here. I certainly know it's dinner time for me. So we're going to get out of here, but thanks so much for tuning in. Again, if you head over to the website, of course, WHMpodcast.com, you click on that tour tab.

All the ticketing info is there. Canada. Stay tuned next week. We'll be able to give more information on that sweet, sweet October tour date. But until then, thanks for tuning in. And until next time, I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Eric Siskin. Take it easy. Have a good night, everybody. Bye-bye. Thank you. That was a hate gum podcast.