We Hate Movies - S13 Ep633: Shrek Forever After

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

This week on We Hate Movies, the guys are ready to go play in the mud one more time as they talk about the FOURTH installment in the beloved, flatulent, animated franchise, Shrek Forever After! Why have a gigantic goose in your fairy tale movie if you’re not going to have it lay a golden egg? Why does this movie start like a Cassavetes drama? And did they really pull an It’s a Wonderful Life for this fourth film? PLUS: Shrek reviews the film adaptation of Room! Shrek Forever After stars Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy, Antonio Banderas, Julie Andrew, John Cleese, Walt Dohrn, Jane Lynch, Craig Robinson, Lake Bell, Kathy Griffin, Mary Kay Place, Kristen Schaal, Meredith Vieira, Larry King, Ryan Seacrest, and Jon Hamm as Brogan; directed by Mike Mitchell. Catch the guys on the road this fall in the U.S.A. AND their Canadian debut in Toronto! Tickets on sale now! Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new MINGO!, WHAT IF Donna?, Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Yeah, this week on the program, we're just four guys wishing we were never born because we're here to talk about Shrek forever after. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Sadek. Shrek Rick Shrekska. Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to the program. Thank you for tuning into We Hate Movies as always. That's right. We're going back for fourths. Here we are covering fucking Shrek forever. from 2010. Yeah, crack that fucking beer. Directed by Mike Mitchell. You may know him as the director of

now, sit down everybody, strap in, put your seatbelts on. This is a fucking filmography to beat the band. Duce Bigelow Male Gigolo. Nice. Surviving Christmas. Sky high. This movie. Then Alvin and the Chipmunks colon chip wrecked. Oh, God. Not even the squeakwell.

They couldn't even get him for the squeakwell. No, part three, dude. That's part three. There's a third one? Yeah. Chip-wrecked. Wow. That's a theme month coming up. Oh, good Lord. Rodents. Let's see. SpongeBob SquarePants movie, colon, sponge out of water. Mm-hmm. The first trolls motion picture. And you know, you can tell that he would go on to direct trolls from this, right? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. A joke about the hair on rumple stilt skin at some parts. Oh, definitely.

Can I ask a question? One more, and then then I'll shut up. Lego movie two, colon, the second. part. Did that come out? Oh, yeah. I definitely did. I'm an old man. I'm like, what's that story? When I was, when I was typing down Lego Movie 2 into my notes here, I realized I don't think I've

lost interest in a thing faster than those fucking Lego productions. Almost immediately. Like if you ever want to talk about something that should have just been the one thing and then leave it the fuck alone. But no, we had that. We had the Ninjago movie.

The multiple Batman's I've done multiple Batmans. Fellas, I just want to let everyone know it's okay to like a movie, it's okay to like the Legos and Shrek, this is a big one. People hate us for doing these. People love us for doing them too, but... Bigger than Ninjago, though,

Eric, are we going to say that's bigger than Ninjago? Shrek ever at forever after? I would say so. Eric, I don't know how you keep following the two people that get angry about this with us. But you keep, hold them in place. I don't know what.

Why? I'm just letting you know, I'm keeping, I'm keeping thousands of people subscribe to we have movies. There's just, you know, all your venom and bile that you shoot out of your mouth, Chris. Yeah, just me. Quick question. How did we miss forever after F-O-U-R-E-V-R, man? Let's do it. Oh, yeah. Put a big fat four in there. Exactly, dude. Like a fucking four. Now they're going to think it's British, though, if that happens.

Oh, that's right. Everybody says they can't, you know, that's a problem. Did you see this shit, though? So where did you guys watch this? Voodoo, because Amazon has been like really annoying with, I have to log on to three different things to rent something. So fuck you. Oh, yeah.

Amazon for me, I think. I did Apple. So in the page on Apple where you rent it, they got something here that these motherfuckers men, they really try to cover their ass because it's like, you look on IMDB or wherever, the posters for this, all that shit. The movie is called Shrek

Forever After. Now, there was a thing, you read the production history on this, the trivia, whatever, you know, to be believed or not. There was supposed to be five of these movies, and then Jeffrey Katzenberg was like, you know what, no, we're only going to do four because this story, according to him,

was a good way to, like, come full circle and finish the Shrek saga, whatever. Huge wet fart. Movie comes out, you know, it does what it does, and then it's like, maybe there will be a fifth one, but maybe not. So if you look at the rental page, it's Shrek forever after. And then, like, someone went in with fucking masking tape and just taped up this other little part that just says the final chapter.

Yeah. Which I guarantee you they will have some graphic artists remove that if they ever make a fucking new Shrek movie. But it's just this like, it's so, I don't know, I saw that and I was like, hold on. You soulless creeps, you only fucking made this for money. There's no artistic integrity. I mean, the creation of the stuff the animator is sure they did work hard on it but like the reason why you made

this movie is Kachin Kachin Kachin Kach It's part four colon the final chapter because in this one Corey Feldman gets on top of Shrek's head and starts stabbing it Well because he has to shave He shaves himself in the bathroom And paints himself green real quick

I'm getting murdered The little weird boy Put a machete through my big bald head And the Trek and the Trek five is that kid trying to become Shrek and then Shrek 6 is he becomes undead officially I'm a fucking zombie

I'm going to hell now I've got to go to Mon Ha'all I'm fighting some man named Freddy not to get too far off course here but just an FYI for you guys keeping it home the feds keeping

tabs that was three people that said they watch this movie illegally and somebody didn't say a word. I should say I was going to try to put in I saw of course I watched my 4K of it very good it's very good it's very nice

you got that big old box set dude who was the four movies all them TV specials a Shrek shaped dildo the whole every I mean literally name a holiday I've got a short Shrek movie about it a Kwanza with Shrek It's fantastic.

Oh my God. They did do some holiday cartoons, right? They did. They did. Sit down and let me tell you about the Maccabees really quickly. We got to cover those on animation damnation. We do. We need one of these for sure.

Complete this saga. Well, that was because I was like, I said something on Twitter like fucking finally the last of these or whatever. And some helpful fucking concerned citizen was like, oh, well, no, you have all. all these Halloween things and Shrek the halls and Shrek fucks on Valentine's Day. Shrek my balls. Shrek's bank holiday adventure

for the UK audience. Right. What happens there? They always say bank holiday. That just means like a day off. We call them in this country federal holidays. So when the bank is closed, it's a bank holiday. Way cooler than federal holiday.

I have to say. The bank is more important than the federal government in that country. It kind of, you know, good reflection there. I think it's good. Shrek spices it up for Valentine's Day, him and him and donkey swap. Oh, my God. I'm fucking a dragon. Now the dragon's fucking me.

And then they snowball. Oh, I don't care, Shrek, so long as she's gigantic and steps on me. Ooh. Now listen, Farkel. We're going to sit Shabbas today. Let me explain to you what that is. all right we got to get down to the content of this movie fellas we've been we've been having fun and people get mad when people have too much fun at the start of a podcast they're here to hear about shrek forever after can i talk about the dream works logo for us please that's part of the part of the strength forever this is i had never seen this dream works logo before this

new one this flashier one where you see the kid actually like cast that fishing pole whatever And I was like, dude, you fucking cast in a net to find a better movie out there, buddy? What are you doing? How long is this going to watch this fucking kid wake up in the morning brush his teeth? Totally. How long do these fucking logos need to get Blumhouse? I'm looking at you always. Oh, absolutely.

You teach a kid to fish for movies and he can fish for movies this whole life, you know, versus just and the one. I mean, here's the thing, Steve, just to point that out. Like, I love a lot of the stuff Blumhouse does. Sure. Great. You know, they've really brought horror into the next level here. you know in the 21st century but my God folks

when I think your studio logo is the first 45 seconds of the movie that's disappointing it's scary it's so scary you're there what's that chair gonna do what's that chair going to do creepy house old things are creepy it's a little girl

oh my god young is creepy too those are the two things old and young all right so we get this prolog about oh way back before the first movie when the king and queen went to the wrong side of the tracks. Yep. To get Fiona's curse broken

and uh-oh met immediately the first 20 seconds of this movie fucking deliverance jokes. Which hillbillies hanging out there. Yes, within like two minutes a deliverance joke with the dueling banjos the threat of

I guess rape in this children's cartoon. The king might be raped and squealed. by witches. By witches. I was kind of like disappointed. Like this part of the movie, I was like,

okay, this is kind of cool. We've got, again, this is something new, which is this movie doesn't have a ton of. So that's cool.

And like the idea, later when the witches come back, they're all just the Wizard of Oz witch. But here, there's like interesting different witches. So I was like, oh, that'd be kind of cool

because even like you find out you do look at the castles thing. There's like real people playing these witches and you can't tell because they all look like nothing. thing. And they all have kind of like one line apiece and then just all go, he-h-h-ha-ha. So like

Lake Bell says a thing and then laughs. Later in the film, Kathy Griffin says a line. Yes. And then does nothing but laugh. And you're just like, I'm really glad we're spending all this money on all these fucking celebrities to say one thing and then laugh. Kristen Schall does one too.

She kind of has the most lines. She's of the witch characters. I kind of, I give it to them that like Rumpel Stiltskin, which it's weird that he's a villain like it just is a strange turn for the character wasn't there's always this

wasn't he always a villain he was a hero to you huh I thought like more of I just I guess I never saw him this way like I guess it was just weird maybe I forgot the story and told me

the story is just like this I mean he's a lying fucking cheat he gets you to do shit you know good so far and it's like and he was it's fucking cool character dude Chris Gavin Heel turn

well look hey I I like Like, you know, if I'm not going to like thieves, I'm not going to like James Conn and Thief. That's a good point. Please, please, here. Maybe this guy's just trying to get married and start a family too. It's too bad James Khan didn't get to play Rumpel Stiltskin. Oh, yeah, you're right.

That is pretty sad. You better guess my fucking name, pal. You can guess that shit. So beating it with a trash can. Well, it's interesting, right? So James Con, you know, rest in peace. Big celebrity. Could have done a voice in a Shrek,

cartoon because I think you know you got to be at least on TV for you know three seasons are up or you've been nominated for an academy award or whatever but like the interesting thing about this movie is it kind of accidentally proves that you should hire just unknown voice actors to do shit because rumple stiltskin is just played by the guy who was like the story manager and when they were doing all of the storyboarding for the film he was just voicing all the characters to like get them along and everything And then they were like, hey, man, you kind of have Rumpel Stiltskin down. Like, why don't you just do it? And I'm like, listen, this movie fucking sucks and it's repetitive, totally out of gas franchise. This guy doing Rumpel Stiltskin does a good job. And it's a memorable vocal performance in a sea of celebrities who are asleep at the switch doing these voices. He's dedicated to it. He's really pushing in.

But part of me does think, you know, you know, you're coming down to the end of production. you're starting to really get the voice stuff all synced up and you're like missing a couple and you're like fuck we're out of money George hey George could you do a voice you got a voice just like let's listen

put the broom down let's let's talk to the lawyers do any of them have a funny voice can we maybe get them in accountants that it was the trivia that apparently they were thinking it was supposed

to be Sir Paul McCarton but there was creative differences. Really? What? I ruined your life, Shrek. That's right. What if you were never born, mate? You fucked with the wrong little troll, didn't you?

Oh, I killed you, your witch. I killed you, your little witch. I wonder what he objected to. What was the creative difference? Well, I thought, you know, Rumpel, he should sing a fun little song there, you know? You know, the Mike didn't want to do it. He thought that my singing would outshine his singing.

It's crazy we didn't have a giant musical singing number because I think all the other ones do, right? You know, I was always just a Rumble Stilskine fan and I believe that he should eat the children. You know, that just seems more like that's the Rumpel I know, you know. It's just so tired to see him as a villain at this point. I mean, we've had that discussion. It's over at this point. Why not see him for who he really is, which is a decent man who likes to eat babies? I love this idea.

Shrek is the villain and Rumpel Stiltskins is the hero. Oh, Shrek's a villain all right, dude. Shrek is a fucking villain. First of all, in some ways, and I'll get to it. I'll just wait. All right, good.

I'll hang up and listen. Hold tight. So this whole thing's going on in this prolog. And then like the king-queen are about to sign away their kingdom to Rumpelstiltskin. And then it's like, oh, uh-oh, don't worry about it. The curse has been broken.

This fucking idiot Shrek that we don't know anything about, has come in and save the day. And so Shrek screws over Rumble Stiltskin's plans. And so, uh-oh, now there's this years long vendetta and a need for revenge and the movie is kind of off to the reason. Well, he becomes like homeless

for some reason, which I don't necessarily understand. Like why? Yeah, I don't know. Because you see the witches are all like hillbillies and, you know, hicks or whatnot. Yes. In the regular timeline. Right. When they get riches, they're all fine and dandy. And so is he,

So I guess they're trying to show the desperation of this Rumpel Stiltskin character here. But no, he's giving like payday loans out. He's doing fun. Oh, I see. This is bullshit. Like, and but I will, the fucking when, so they, we are introduced to Rumpel Stiltskin outside of the story like in the real world in a library and Pinocchio finds him. And there's this really, I mean, disgusting joke, I think. the guy says

they're talking and like Ruppel Stilton wants to give him a deal so he's like hey want to be a real boy cut to him being thrown out of the thing and I'm like it's it was kind of a diddling joke right?

Yeah it's a little it's on the it's on the fence but yeah Pinocchio wants to be a real boy right yeah he's like data from Star Trek and but he he hey he he

If the reaction was positive, maybe I'd be like, oh, they're playing it for real. But like, the fact that he hates it, to me, suggests that it's kind of a diddling thing. Hmm. You know what? I mean, I didn't notice that, but this is the fourth of these fucking movies I've watched. And I'll tell you right now, this franchise ain't above making jokes like that. So, yeah, I left the project over the kid didlin joke. They just wouldn't take it out.

And I was like, do we really need to do? this. His nose goes in his ass. It was a hard line for them. They just couldn't move past it. Oh, well, looks like I'll do another super successful world tour then.

So, whatever. We get to present day and we get this montage of basically like Shrek is being beaten into the fucking ground by domesticity. His soul is dying. It's the start of a John Cassavetti's movie

This dude is miserable. It's amazing. Here's the thing. It's like, you know, every day the same thing. You know what I mean? His, you know, you're changing the kids. You're doing the thing. I get that.

The thing you need to cut out, Trek, and you can cut out. Like, yes, you now have children. You have a lot of responsibilities. You can tell donkey and that fucking cat that they can fuck off. I am having a fucking eyeball tini by myself and I'm watching the fucking bears game or whatever he's, which would be the three little bears, I assume. But, you know, like,

Whatever that is. That's what he needs. I'll see you next weekend, Donkey. Fuck you. It's just awful, dude, because it's everyday donkey is fucking slamming that front door open, yell in play date and dropping all this fucking, I'm sorry, monsters. Yes. Off at Shrek's house and they run fucking rampant through Shrek's house.

Meanwhile, Shrek's got three kids of his own these fucking disgusting little things. Oh, my God. I'll say this. The one thing that this movie gets right and, you know, we'll get into it, but this turns into a whole fucking it's a wonderful life thing from the most tired fucking tropes and storytelling whatever

which is no surprise that this movie does this then for the fourth installment but I totally lost my train of thought fucking coveching about all this well I was just curious do you think Matt Smith

on the House of the Dragon would like a donkey dragon or not like do you think that would finally would that be enough to get him over the hurdle to fucking shove it in Patty Considine's face or not so much it's a pacifier

for sure. I think. At least he's showing it off. Pacifier way more than Motivator, right? Because it's like, hey, Matt Smith. Look, you got this fucking furry donkey dragon now, dude? Like, you don't have to be pissed off about not getting the throne from your brother and whatnot. Like, just play with this thing. Look how ridiculous it looks. There's five of them flying around. You can kill at least two of them, if you like. Because I guess you could do the donkey stuff with them as well. Like, you could move bushels. Got it. Absolutely. Yeah, dude, fucking moving those bushels hither and thither, absolutely. Yeah. Bushels aren't going to move themselves.

Let's be honest here. Let's be honest. I just remember... I just remember the thing that I was going to say. The best decision that this movie makes because it does this, it's a wonderful life shit, is that it then, due to what that story becomes, his family doesn't exist anymore.

All of those fucking kids don't exist for most of the movie, and God bless it. I think that that is a screed test from Shrek 3, some note cards. None of those tested well. And like nobody likes in story. I mean, like there are stories with kids and about,

you know, parenting and all that stuff. But whenever a series, like isn't that and then becomes that, it means you're out of ideas and you're out of gas. And I'm just like, oh, now it's,

oh man, I got to wake up every day. It really sucks. And I know parenting is hard. I'm not saying it's not. But I mean, it's just this thing where like, and I think that they realize

that they're, painted into a corner. It's like, well, it's a wonderful life. And then they're not in most of the movie. They abandoned the kids for this narrative. And it's a smart decision, honestly, because no one wants to see this. I abandoned my boy. Yeah. Parents, this is like, you know, you posting about your family on Instagram. No one wants to see this. Well, that's, I mean, so the original one comes out like 2001 and it's, it's a huge hit. So you're making, your your your main audience at the time is like 14 or 15 maybe and like this comes out nine years later and it's supposed to be you're supposed to be growing with this character i suppose

yes because you want to because you also want to be a family annihilator now but no you're 24 like you're maybe 25 at most like oh it just they they they it goes from being a movie for kids to being a movie about like 38 year olds who are depressed well there's the thing man plenty people that have kids at 24. Yeah, that's what I was going to point out, dude, plenty of people having kids in their early 20s. And maybe, dude, maybe, here's the thing. Maybe these Shrek creators were like,

look, we're older than the fan base. We got like at least 10, 15 years on the fan base. Yeah. We have to warn them. We have to show them how fucking miserable they're going to be if they're having kids at like 22 years old. It's just, you know, it's literally the, well, what else are we going to do?

you know what I mean? Okay, so they got he got with Fiona, cool. They got married. Oh, that's tough. Well, what's next? Obviously. But I prefer the, what we first are about to see, which is like them, Donkey and Shrek going on vacation like Newhart and Rickles. Oh, yeah. Like that, that is to me a much more like the family vacation type.

That is to me a much better, a trope to deal with than fucking a midlife crisis. I totally agree. Because he just starts The idea is it's a montage It's pretty effective You know Also there's this weird part Where Shrek is a celebrity

Which you could keep No thank you. It can't be both You know what I mean He's married to the princess Right Like I mean I guess he saved the kingdom Or whatever the fuck

Sure I mean that That's kind of dumb though Right Like I That whole notion of like You know These are movies that are big

So everybody knows Shrek And like We're gonna transfer that Into the world of the movie where it's like, now he's all of a sudden world renown or kingdom renown for his fucking Shrek ventures. He's part of the royal family.

It's like going by, I don't know, Prince Andrew or someone, you know? You snap a photo. But I kind of think like he's sort of, you know, they're out of that whole thing, right? Like she's given up the royal life to go live in this fucking shit hole

with this guy. Braver than Elizabeth too. well they're Megan and Harry now you know let's start let's get fucking four billion dollars from Spotify and hit for the hills we're moving to Canada we're gonna make documentaries for Netflix oh you kids

are so talented they'll never get a fucking minute of our podcast you're fucking deeps have they never released any yet I don't believe so that's awesome but that fucking check cleared don't worry what a police um but yeah so like and like you know and every night donkey and like blah well and it's like this thing where every night like and every night we have the same thing we're telling the same story about how they met and that's it is kind of funny like buyers is like they lived happily fucking ever oh dude i'm gonna get a shot good we'll see happily how happily ever after it would all be hey fiona you better keep those kids away from all my gym equipment, if you know

what I mean. Shrek Benoit. Yeah. Oh, come on. See, I just, I, you know what? I love it. I just fucking lightly referenced it with a nice little camouflage joke. And then you, Chris Cabot, like a fucking

big green dump truck, just fucking slammed right into this conversation and said Benoit. He pulled the camouflage off that joke. Oh, son of a bitch, dude. We're trying to have some class here, Chris. Oh, sure. the strip forever after podcast

is trying to have class pardon me whoopty do mentioned Chris Benoit whoop to fuck hey you know what almost made me throw up watching this movie

they have fucking pussy pox and boots just singing around the fucking dinner table this abysmal Bob Marley cover Oh yeah dude Water just get the fuck out of my house

donkey because that's because that just lets you know for now and forever that that song is gone and it belongs to sandals. You know what I mean? It's not a cool song

to smoke a joint to. It's for fucking snowbirds and their fucking enormous guts just fucking live just populating an island they have no business being near

and just being like, give me to me. You're absolutely right. Those people need to be brought to task. We should, like an ogre should attack those aisles or something. Oh shit.

So, yeah, he's fucking totally miserable. And then here it comes, man, the Cassavetti's moment. They are at like this far, far away version of, I guess, Pinocchio opened like a Chucky Cheese kind of place. And they're having the kids like first birthday party at this thing. And it's fucking crazy. The kids are running everywhere.

There's people asking Shrek if he can roar on Q like he's a fucking circus seal. I kind of like that kid. He's kind of fun. He's disgusting. He's a little disgusting shit boy. Oh, yeah. he is. It's a wonderful shit boy. It's wonderful rendering.

The dad, I think, is Ryan Sechrest. If I was looking at the credits, right. But their little kids got like that little do the right. Yeah, I'm smoking cigarettes to be kids. That, I think, is the director himself just doing a quick voice that sounds more like a fart than a human being.

Yeah. That's cool. I was hoping it was Tom Waits. We got him back, folks. oh yeah wasn't he in one of these no they just put on a song oh that's right no Larry I was thinking of Larry King sorry he's in this one too somehow

briefly yeah they probably just used fucking already recorded audio or something yeah because he was secretly dead by then I think in 2010 no I think he died more recently well I was just a hologram from 2010 to 2021 when he did die sure hologram just like the queen for a little bit that's true

Oh, so, you know, it wouldn't be a Shrek movie without bodily function jokes right up top. He's trying to change in the montage. One of the things he does is change the baby's diaper repeatedly. Right. So there is a, oh, you shit, you're a diaper joke. And then like a fake out where you think he's getting piss in his mouth. Oh, dude. Wow.

A toy. I was about to throw up. I was just not having it. I would piss in his mouth. And then there's also a moment when he's using the outhouse and the star tour is not. into it. And everyone's just watched him fucking take a greasy shit. And it's like, oh, finally, my

fucking deviant art page come to life. Yeah. You know, also you know that this thing is on run out of gas because like Cameron Diaz like better out than in. And then he's like, oh, that's my line. And I'm like, dude, I got to get the fuck out of my own house.

Absolutely. So he freaks out at this birthday party because the three little pigs that got invited decided to make little pigs out of themselves. ate the fucking birthday cake. Yeah, go ahead. Just really quickly. Just in the montage, you see Shrek like next to Fiona, like, you know, despairing.

And he's got his shirt off. He's got this like, A, we got Shrek nipples. B, like, is he like shaving his chest and it's growing back in? It's like a five o'clock shadow. Like, also like, I don't know, dude's hairless. Let's leave it alone. I can, I can answer all this.

It's really terribly animated. Got it. That's your measure. But like, yeah, I guess they're just trying to give him. new details because we've seen him so many times at this point. He does have a five o'clock shadow through the whole movie. So he's got that on his chest or saying

do you think his pubs are five o'clock shadowed or? Yeah. Oh yeah. He's he's manscaping down there, dude. Look at my landing strip. Getting a V shape. Getting a pointing towards. Follow the trail to paradise. Tyler spice it up.

Paradise being my unkempt bush. And he's definitely uncircised because he lived in the swamp. Of course, yeah, you're not circumcised. That ogre? And I just wonder how big it is because I feel like people would be exaggerating in their mind.

I feel like reality, Shrek, it would be kind of average, if not small. Really? I'm just thinking, you know, what do you have this to base? penis size you mean well because you watch the other movies my friends his he's this guy had no confidence you know i feel like if he had a fucking swing and hammer sure it wouldn't have taken that long to kick out all those people from the swamp i you know what i could go either way on actual dick size but i think he's got like a full art garfunkel down there i don't think he's trimming at all i think it's it's it's about as bushy as it can get but later in the film we see some even bigger uh ogers one played by John Hamm and he's probably got a, you know,

a fucking grandfather clock chiming down there. John Hammond every reality has a fucking hammer. That's how that works. You just, yep. Animated, live action, whatever. Dude's get a huge date. It's his contract. But yes, he does destroy.

Sorry, he does destroy the cake, which is, it is a real, like, yikes moment. Because, like, he does do the roar and, like, you think that that's going to be the blow up. And, like, everyone cheers because, like, everybody, nobody cares. But then it's just, him smashing that kick is,

you're right, it's Cassavetes-esque. I'm telling you, dude, he's ready to fucking get on a plane with his buddies and go to England. Escape it all. All that was missing was him having like three or four beers around the party earlier. Oh, definitely. Hey, donkey, get over here. We're going to force

this German waitress to sing us a song. she's just crying poor donkey and puss are just like okay we're just you know he's going through it I guess this is getting wasted just like you know I could have had her yeah she's been looking at me all day if I wasn't married I'd fuck her I was like no dude meanwhile go home dude go home meanwhile Fiona is dancing with Seymour cassell just the best time that guy's a smoothie man look out. How could you be dancing with Seymour Cassell? He

looks like he fought the civil fucking war. He's got character Shrek. Oh man. But what Shrek fucking says to her is I used to be an ogre. Now I'm just a jolly green joke.

Yeah. And she tries to say to him like, why can't you just see that you have everything? And he's like it's a fucking he presses the nuclear button here Because he's just like, you know what, Fiona? I regret ever saving you from that tower. Yeah, that's a tough one.

Dude, your fucking ogre marriage is overshed. I should have left you for dead. Yeah, totally. What a fucking asshole. Our hero, ladies. Drop dead, bitch. That's literally at the end of the movie, because I'm like, you know, obviously everything's going to work out.

I'm like, how is he ever going to come back from that one? He doesn't have to because it goes back in time. So, like, you, because you, that is the only. savior you have is time travel if you say something like that. Wait a second. I've got a time machine. I'll just go back early and warn him. Don't say that

horrible thing to your wife. You know what, Fiona? Your new best friend the dragon should have ate you when she had the chance. Oh, man. And so he like fucking runs off into the woods. He's like, if I don't get away from them now,

I'm going to burn down the whole pizza parlor. Do you think about like there is a pedophile ring underneath it? The thing is about, and that's the tone of this movie, too,

we play Fiona being in the castle as like a trauma and it's like how about we don't? How about it's just cute? Because in the first movie it's sad, but it's like cute and fun and silly, you know what I mean?

I think that that's a better tone than like, I slept every night by myself and I was so scared the entire time. I'm like, the fuck am I watching? Yeah, no, it's really weak because it's like, it's that thing where you have folks now that we'll look back on like fairy tales and whatnot and it's like

gee, well, nobody was fucking, you know, preventing the the seven dwarfs from being creeps or fucking Prince Charming from doing all his kissing and whatnot and I'm like, yeah, okay, it's totally fine, but also

for over here, This is the fourth Shrek movie. Exactly. We don't need to be doing any of that because, you know, while you're here trying to address this, this, address this trauma, this deep trauma that Fiona has faced. Can I remind you about 10 minutes ago when someone was fucking farting in a mud and shit filled hot tub?

Yeah. Okay, this is Shrek fucking four folks. And like Chris said, the guy wanted to fuck a wooden boy earlier. It did seem that way. to say. I'm just saying it's out of the trauma is out of place, you know? Well, yeah, it's ridiculous because it's like, it's kind of a city

slicker situation where you start off way more serious than you need to be. But the way to do, like, you would think that would lead to at least kind of new jokes, but the whole movie is just calling back jokes from the last three. Like, I don't know if there's an original joke

in here. It's all referencing old shit. That's what someone's saying about this podcast. We're just doing jokes for the first three Shrack episodes. Look, we're coasting, baby. We're a hit, too. Let's do it. But also, I would say,

I would also countercress and you're right. All the jokes are rehashed, but there's just not that many jokes because the tone is so somber. This entire movie, and it's very weird in that way. It's very weird and I don't know what I would prefer, because I feel like if we had more jokes, which they

traditionally do, and song and dance, I would fucking hate it even more somehow. Yeah, it is easier to ignore the somber stuff than like a grading bad joke yeah well well they're what their option is you're because you're right because what they also do is they load up with uh action adventure set pieces and like look that's fine for a miazaki movie where it's going to look beautiful and everything yes when it's fucking shrek and it looks like my asshole like i i i just don't i don't understand what you think you're going to get out of this like what thrills are you going to get from shrek holding on to

like a witch's broom for what feels like 15 fucking minutes. And that's right. Hundreds of animators worked tirelessly to create Chris's asshole. They got all the veins right. The first time adapted to the big screen. All the big hairs, it's fantastic. Yeah. That green

clump there hanging near the hole. We'll call that Shrek. Chris, did you ever ever successfully get off all of those motion captured dots from there? Or, uh, I mean, like a couple of strays? Unless I get a mirror back there, I'm never going to know for sure. I'm not going to mirror back there.

You've got to invest in that mirror, dude. Not doing it. I'm sorry. There's a few rubicons. I'm not crossing here. You need to mirror your bathroom floors. Oh, yeah. You're a shit to look like funfetti for a little while.

So much like the Zodiac killer or some sort of famous North American serial killer, Rumble stillskin fakes car trouble here in order to lure Shrek off the side of the road. He's got to help him. move a couch into the van. Dude, he's just like, oh, no, my fucking wagon fell on me. I need roadside assistance. And Shrek is so desperate at this point. He accepts this side quest, which somehow becomes the main quest.

Well, the main quest before the side quest was like he just had to get as far away from that pizza parlor as possible because he was going to kill his whole family. So this side quest, I think, is more of a story, unfortunately. It's just, I can't. The blowup is so funny that he couldn't keep it together for this one party so his life is just gone

it's pretty cool it is pretty cool I mean it's literally you do need again like Marty you fucking you ruin your life on a birthday party

oh man again aw so this is a deal starts being struck on that's right because Shrek is like laying it all out of the table for this fucking

total stranger because they get shit-faced on eyeball martini's in the wagon. And Rumpelstilskine offers him a solution here. Hey, man, how about you sign this little contract, ogre for a day, you can go be an ogre again. And all I need from you is a day from your childhood. It can be one you don't even remember. You're not going to miss it.

What's the deal? Sign on the dotted line, Shrek. So what is it that he wants? I guess it is just scaring people is what he misses. I would love to do that. When they do this montage of him having that ogre power back, no one cares about Shrek anymore. He's scaring the whole village.

I know. I know just like Shrek. You love scaring children. You like just hitting in their face and making them very sad. That's right. But like it would make more. Like what I guess what this is supposed to be a thing, you know,

a holder for is sex? Yes. Or like eating. Is it actually eating humans? Like that would be funny. It's, sex is not part of the equation. It's like, the whole thing is like, I miss being able to, you know, like I was fucking 22 going out to the bar every night. It's that guy.

I miss my life before kids, which by the way, for Shrek, his life before kids, 100% did not include sex. But also, it was an in-cell in the swamp. It was the same thing he's doing now just without the kid. Like, literally, you were in the bog still. You were doing the same exact thing. You just didn't have the kids. Yeah, but people are like polite to him and that's a problem. He doesn't like that.

He possesses the ability to be an anonymous ogre again before celebrity strangled his life. Well, that's the problem. And Chris, you're right though, because it is having the celebrity part confuses it because it should just either be, oh my God, you know, should I have had kids, this is really tough, blah, blah, blah, which is a, you know, that's one thing. Or, oh, my God, should I be a celebrity, this is really tough. putting them together waters down both and confuses both. Well, because he wants to be a celebrity, like he does want to still be a celebrity.

He just wants to be a celebrity for scaring people. Yeah, that's true. Instead of being like the prince of the land. I used to like my early stuff when I was scaring people. It was really about the scares back then. Not selling a bunch of records. Scare records. Oh, yeah, I didn't like the way that they suggested that a solo career couldn't be just as good as your career before that.

I just didn't like, I didn't like the implications of that. I mean, I truly think it's one of the same thing, though. It's all about, like, what his life is, and that is both the celebrity, people aren't scared of him, and then the time constraints, you know, he's got kids now. All of this, to me, was just saying, like, I don't. wish I was younger and could be out of the bar every night yeah and you know because right now his life is a double-edged dog shit

you know yeah everything's taken care of he never has to work he does not work period like yeah real hell Shrek's going through I'm collecting unemployment no I mean she's got dude

you know what she's you look up Fiona on Wikipedia she got a nice hyperlinked on her name like oh where's Fiona from oh she's the fucking queen she's got a nice inheritance that they're fucking working off of by the way nice yeah you're gonna be mad at your wife

who's incredibly loving probably fucks your brains out and supports you financially how dare you Shrek but in that living situation do you think they're really fucking that much aren't the kids like isn't like one room

I think that's the problem you know what I mean like you need to drop these things off with the donkeys you know what I mean on a weekend but this is on fucking Shrek if you're doing

If that's your problem, then you've got to get adventurous and it's on you, Shrek. You go and have sex in the mud bog. Go out into a tree. Go fuck on a tree. Do anything and leave the kids alone because, I mean, I mean, they're monsters. They're going to be fine. That's true. They will be fine.

You're going to chain them up in the backyard. Yes. Me and Fiona are going to go into a hotel and check in under assumed names. She's Mrs. Johnson McGillacutty. and I'm FBI agent Anderson Sizzlack And we're going to have hot stranger sex all night I'm going to pick her up at the bar Oh do you think your husband will be back soon

Oh, what have he found out about us? This is what Shrek 4 should have been Hello there, are you in for the plumbing supply catalog conference also? Yes, I am. Then let's get fucking... I'm the best at cleaning pipes, especially ogre pipes. Can I buy you a bog drink? Also, you know what?

Good point. It's come up a couple times because he's trying to drink it and then what's his face ruins it. And then he's... And then like even Rubble Stinson's, can I give you an eyeball teeny? Are these human eyeballs? These are like children's eyeballs? What do you think? Great question.

I hope so. I think, you know, maybe it was a thing, Steve, we're like back in the day. Yes, we use child's eyeballs. Got it. But now it's 2010. It's Shrek forever after. It's like, you know, imitation. Right. Impossible eyeballs.

Yeah, and this is also part of what he is getting pissed off about, obviously, is that he, oh, I used to be able to eat kids' eyeballs. Now I have to eat some filthy pigs eyeballs. Oh, definitely. Yeah. So he's like, you know. to a montage of top of the world. You got Karen Carpenter singing here.

You know, he's literally like an ogre and shit. He's making shit angels in a pig stye. Love it. It looks a lot of fun. Honestly, I would love to be a monster. Oh, my God. It's so funny, though, dude, because you are such a cleanly person and whatnot. There's no way you're rolling around in mud.

Well, I could be a clean monster, you know? No, there's nothing exciting about those. Also, the ogre is just showering with mud. I mean, you're getting out of the monster. mud to get into more mud. I mean, that's, I mean, I don't know if you would handle that, Eric. I think you'd be really upset. I think, like, I would have to acclimate to a whole

different system. And I think once I got something down, and especially, you know, if you're in the forests and stuff, or the mountains, come across a lake or a river sometimes, you know? That's true. Eat some fish, eat some, eat some hikers, you know? I will say, of all of it, I can see you befriending

a donkey. Yes, definitely. Just said, Jen, a donkey that you believe talks to you. That one, is very easy. Living alone with a donkey in the mountains, that might be my chance at peace, actually. Pretty great, man. You can entitle your autobiography just a couple of jackasses.

It's true. So, you know, he starts discovering, uh-oh, you know, the swamp is actually like a drained wasteland now. His house is totally fucking abandoned. There's wanted signs on the trees for both him

and Fiona. You know, it's basically like, you know, Jimmy Stewart running around his fucking town realizing there's just cat houses everywhere. Yes, exactly, the Potter'sville thing. But it's also like he set back the civil rights movement that now every ogre, it's, it's crazy. He's just like, I want it to be before the Civil Rights Act. Also, when did, I mean, because obviously the point, that is like, what do you call it there? A consequence is the first Shrek movie like, all.

And the first one, it's all like, oh, humans versus these, like, fairy tale disgusto monsters that have to live in fear. And Trek kind of bridges that gap. And then now, I guess, the Rumble Stillskin, not so much. But my question is, like, where did all these fucking ogres come from? There's, like, thousands of them. And I was really trying to think about this, dude, because, like, is there anything in these previous films, like, especially the first one where they say anything about, like, him being the last of his kind or anything? Because I thought there was, but I couldn't remember. And I had the same thought, like, why aren't we seeing these folks, like, introduced earlier?

Well, the problem there is you're mixing things up. You're thinking of Sean Connery saying, I am the last one in Dragonheart. And it sounds a lot like Shrek. I give you that. So that's very close. What happened was, I believe, like, all the other ogres saw Shrek and they were like, do I like, I'm like that guy? And they all killed themselves. I see.

And then in this version where he was, you know, poofed away by a great doctor, Rumble Stiltskin, you know, they don't have that shame of looking like Shrek. Sure. They don't look exactly like Shrek. They look somewhat like Shrek, but are bigger. They're all more muscular, which is a point. Yeah, a lot of physically fit ogres, especially that John Ham ogre. That was doing it for somebody. He was so hot as broken.

I bet you someone is upset. best with this guy. Oh, absolutely. Why does this ogre have such tight pants? In the design, I don't understand why this broken has tight pants in a little bulge there. That's the one that's being voiced by John Hamm. Oh, okay. You should make the bulge bigger then.

The bulge should be much bigger. The Shrek getting captured, you have this big, one of the many action sequences where these two witches, and they have, like, spawn chains that have, like, teeth on them and green gobbels. like pumpkin bombs and I'm like dude we're fucking gas in this ogre it's just like what am I watching anymore like where is it shouldn't they be like making Nike jokes or something you know what I mean like they have Nike sneakers or something cute like that wow shrek and chains this is pretty upsetting you know a fucking smash mouth song would fix the mood immediately yeah no and i also like your idea steve of rumple stiltskin making the world a Nike sweatshop

it does appear like he's got some sort of sweatshop thing going on doesn't he well he used he's enslaved these ogres they're like moving the drawbridge and stuff you know yeah a lot of that going on we see the gingerbread man cookie guy is now a gladiator in this world yeah yeah well i mean because that's that's the thing right this is the pottersville thing of like everything because it's under control of rumple still skin much like uh you know alternate 1980s. ruled by Biff Tannin. Everything is fucking shit. Everything is fucking terrible.

And the only ones living high on the hog are the people high up in society. So here we go, folks. The movie in some way is trying to say so. You know, one day there was supposed to be a giant green hulking ogre and a donkey. And I was supposed to give him one of these.

Never thought that giant hulking ogre was going to be you. Yeah. My stepson, you're supposed to be in boarding school in Switzerland. I love it. Oh, the fucking thing with the gingerbread man that I thought was like kind of funny is his whole thing is, yeah, he's all like tough, like gladiatorial kind of looking. But he's fighting off animal crackers for the purposes of gambling. Yes.

I'd watch it a little short about that. Like Disney Plus keeps making all these horrendous fucking Simpson shorts and whatnot. like Lisa plays the saxophone with Billy Alish and whatever the fuck dumb shit like that Maggie versus the very bad day all that it's fucking abysmal right do those with Shrek but it's just this shit

it's like gingerbread man in death fights for gambling and it's like it's like four minutes he's killing cookies eating them so you have cookie cannibalism that's cool and he goes cookie crazy exactly cookie Thunderdome I'd like you know what it is

He gets dough dementia from eating doughlust on their cookie flesh Oh wow It's like I'm absorbing all their cookie life courses I'm going to drill

a little hole of this cookie And he's going to be a zombie for me I feel the spirit I feel the spirit of all the egg and sugar just rushing through me at all times

Oh man So yeah like Rumble Stiltzkin lives in a castle where it's like a fucking dance club for witches all the time and everybody's doing coke and he's sitting behind a velvet robe

and this looks like shit doesn't it folks? It sure does. It's just so muddy and nothing and like a big witch party should be like fun and like think about like nightmare before Christmas or something where everything has a crazy detail

like go full fucking Halloween on it. But here it's just like all the witches look the same and they all move the same and everything is a big mass of nothing. Well, you see, it's better if we just have a lot of them and they all look like crap than have a couple that look good.

That's just good math right there. It reminded me of in the late 90s, I was really interested in fun screensavers. You know what I mean? Everybody enjoyed a fun screen saver. And I would get fun screen savers for around the holidays, you know, so like, come Thanksgiving time, you know,

a little Tom Turkey walking around on the screen or Christmas, you have a Santa Claus or whatever, October, you know, Halloween time and whatnot, it would be like, you know, here are the mummies walking across the screen, here's a Dracula, they're all having a party, like, we're talking like 1996.

Yeah. It basically last, yesterday watching this dance club sequence kind of reminded me of that. Just a bunch of poorly rendered which and other pseudo-Hlloween characters. kind of dancing. A flying toaster went by. I mean, to your point,

it does, they all have about the same detail as the dancing baby. Yes. That's about the level we're dealing with here. And like, but then because Rumpel Siltz

is a main character, they're like, okay, he can have big eyes and maybe a little bit of a face, but the rest of it goes down to shitter. Yes.

And so they bring him to Rumpel Stiltzkin. It's like, oh, Shrek, what are you doing here? And Shrek fucking puts it together. He's like,

you took the day I was, born. And it's like, yeah, sure fucking did. And Rumble Stiltskin says to him that at the end of this day, Shrek, when the sun sets, your fucking green ass is dead, dude. And in case you can't fucking get that through your head, here's a gigantic, ridiculous hourglass. And it's going to do some fun stuff. And that's going to remind you that you die. It's almost as if this movie has a clock, you see. And that's the clock. A clock. A clock that blissfully only runs to 96 minutes. God bless

just fucking putting that out there. Then he like escapes through oh by the way he's already met the donkey we should say like when he's the donkey does not believe any of his tall tales about this supposed past. The fun donkey gags

he's like a radio for the two witches and that's just whatever. Just Eddie Murphy's singing which you know sure it's fun. Oh I mean it was in the first one and everybody liked the first thing so it has to be in every Everybody has to do it all the time for the rest of the movies. But this is where, like, yeah, he escapes by, like, stealing of witch's broom and he flies around. This is, like, watching somebody else play a video game, and I am just disinterested.

It just looks so bad. Yeah. I mean, yeah, they do a whole, like, they bring him in and shackles, and then, like, the whole, I didn't like any of this imagery. I'll be honest. Yeah, sure. But, like, yeah, when they come to the fight scene, it literally. literally just feels like a run-through, like something you would show people to sell on a bigger project is what this kind of looked like. I think they're trying to like lean in on, I guess maybe they're

trying for more of a, I'm not saying they succeeded, but like spatial relationship because they have the giant chandelier ball thing that comes into play for the big chase. It flies around the room eventually. It seals the exit behind them. And this is sort of what we were talking about before about how it's trying to be like action set pieces instead of the Shrek you all know and don't like as well. But it's weird though because it's not like those other

movies are absent of adventure sequences at all. They're chock full of them. Like the run for the tower, the first one, yeah. They definitely have them, but. Giant gingerbread man at the second. Fiona has a little matrix fight, but it's funny or it's supposed to be funny.

Honestly, that's the thing. That's the thing. It's like, I don't know what I want because I never want any Shrek. And it's like, do I want them referencing 90s movies every five seconds? Not really. Do I want them not to do that? Not really. I will say also this is very much

the first movie that's in 3D. That's what I was picking up on. He is definitely leaning it. They're definitely leading into that. Like all this stuff is like the ball is coming at you. And like those movies, like once you get them away from 3D, it looks incredibly flat.

Everything looks very flat. uh and that's i i think is part of like why all the animation looks i mean the animation never looked good in these movies but like especially in this one i found it really chunky and like really bland i don't know yeah no it's bad i mean i think actually in the in the scene right here when they are riding i mean well not right here but when he's riding to the castle you know when donkey's pulling the wagon or whatever what they do i think it's the shot where they go way like a head of donkey, maybe it's not this. There's a part where the camera really goes

in tight on a wagon, like horse-drawn wagon, and we're doing like a camera's going through the wagon. And as it approaches all the horses, I remember thinking, like, those look terrible. Yes. Like, just absolutely poorly rendered.

The castle, too, like, Rumble Stilton's whole thing, it just like looks really lazily. It looks like something that modern day, like Netflix would put on one of their, like, the boss baby TV show. It's just cheap as hell. We should say,

speaking of Netflix and all that stuff, the goose Rebel Steel's going to has a fun little goose that's next to him. That's directly from the Puss and Boots movie which come out next year. Like somebody was cheating on somebody else's paper and I'm like, you can't have this goose in both movies.

Now, in the Puss and Boots movie, I was trying to remember this. The Puss and Boots movie, it's the goose that laid the golden egg. Yes, it's like this enormous goose. But it's the same kind of character design. Like, the joke is the joke is in both of them that geese have these horrific teeth which is funny uh because geese are kind of gross and like that's kind of what they're leading into in both instances and it's not but but this movie though we see nary a golden egg laid is that correct yeah i was yeah so why are you posing this to me like it's a deposition oh well steve surprised you are here this is a fucking senate hearing on shrek animation i'm just i'm taking notes for the washington post right Now, Mr. Sadek, could you read the top paragraph, please?

There is a goose in both films. And you say this lays golden eggs. I thought maybe this goose was possibly a reference to... Let's try to read the statement without your commentary, please, Mr. Sainter. Mother goose, possibly. Now, you do know the definition of a cinematic universe, don't you? They might be trying to set something up here. Mr. Seneck.

Both movies. Sadek, is there a mother goose in this film, though? She is not referred to as such. Oh, oh, oh, oh, that's interesting. That's interesting. I believe you're lying to this council. I mean, it's just, it's really stupid to have a huge goose in this movie and not having fucking lay an egg. Sure.

Yeah. It doesn't really do anything. So whatever. No, just hisses of people. It does, which is kind of fun. I was like, goose hissing. um he he escapes and now we're on the road and this is when he kind of he uh he starts crying and donkey decides to help him and donkey's like oh if i look at your contract i could find the loophole at it through origami you know or origami in this case being like what you did at the back of the mad magazine yes yeah it's not like actual origami it's just like putting a thing to

in a weird, stupid way. And it's a piece of paper, and Donkey does it wrong the first time. And then Shrek does it the right right. Try lose bliss. Oh, it's actually supposed to be true love's kiss. Oh, Idy, aller.

I mean, try lose bliss. Maybe, I mean, that might have been more of a Buddhist, you know, maybe that's what he's supposed to be trying to do. It's just kind of funny that, like, donkey's like, hey, here's this thing I know how to do with all of Rumpelstiltskins contracts and I'm the only one that

knows how to like fold it amongst the two of us so I'm going to do my little donkey folding here and then Shrek is just like you're doing it wrong and like fixes it and I was like but you didn't even know but then you just well whatever movie yeah it's a

cartoon right yeah you love those well how are you ever going to find Fiona well it's only a 96 minute movie oh they're trapped by ogres and she's one of the ogres there you go these are ogre freedom fighters my friend they are because of Shrek setting back

the universe this is what has to come to this physical violence against the state there's a fucked up thing here like when they said donkey's like yeah true loves kiss okay that's what it says they deduce oh I got to find Fiona another of these like oh it was so damaging for her

to be in this tower as they go to the tower and she's gone and he pulls back this fucking curtain and there's a wall filled with hash marks for like like she's been in like prison I mean she is in prison but you know what I mean like just like these are all the days that I fucking spent in this tower and I'm like

I just I mean one I fucking saw Shrek one but also like I don't need that kind of shit I don't need to be thinking about that it's a fucking Shrek movie he farted in a mud puddle like come on well that's I mean that's the problem with the whole fucking thing from the beginning like it's

drama where there should be jokes like I don't fucking care about this shit no and I mean like how about like a fun joke about she got like tiger beat posters all over. Yes. Yep. She was a teenage girl, et cetera, et cetera. They're actual tigers. There you go. Dude, like tiger people. We just

punched up a script. That's perfect. It's an easy punchup. It's Tiger Tiger Beat magazine and the cover art is a picture of an ogre punching a tiger in the face. I love it. A big brawny fucking ogre. Yeah, exactly. It's the John Hammonger. He's fucking punching a tiger.

so yeah they do get captured oh sorry then Dylan Baker walks in and it starts jerking listen if I had one of my friends sleep over would you be pairing in the room doing stuff man

no Shrek I just jerk off Dylan Baker Oger man yikes that's too much no that's you know what then the Ogarian genocide needs to commence. They wouldn't even let him be the lizard. I really think that's it.

I mean, like, I like Dylan Baker as an actor. I think that movie just ruined his career so hard. Everyone's like, I don't like that guy. Like, you know what I mean? He was too good. All of a sudden, everyone's seen a Todd Solens movie and it had to be that one. You know what I mean? That's unfair.

I think you're totally right, Steve. And Eric, I think you're totally right, too. But it's weird because, like, Other people have dodged this, right? Like Kevin Bacon in that fucking Woodsman movie. He's doing just fine. And, you know, Jackie, Earl Haley got to be at Watchman, you know? Oh, that's right.

I mean, it's just, and it must only be, Eric, like you said, because he did it so well. He did do it so well. It made an impression, and I think probably that definitely derailed the lizard, I think. Probably in a world that happiness does not come out and he does get to. play the lizard at some point. But I will say he took those talents to TV and he's been doing fantastic. Okay. In the

Americans, he is unfucking believable. Oh my God dude. Yes. I forgot about him on that show. Exquisite fucking art. Incredible performance. Just incredible. So, yeah, we're in what is like, oddly, it's like an underground city

almost filled with these resistance ogres. This is where we indeed meet John Hamm as Brogan. and Fiona, leader of the resistance. And when she comes out, it's slow-mo. The wind is blowing. She's got long red hair, all this shit. And Shrek is just horny all over again.

Those big green animated titties are bouncing, dude. So don't worry about it. I mean, you're 20. Is it cold in this underground resistance bunker or what? Hey, you're 24-year-olds. You're liking that, huh? Yeah, I bet you're liking that. You liked Laura Croft.

Get a load of Laura Barfd. Pardon me? Oger, ladies. Oh, sure. We're going to punch that one up, too. Yeah, we'll work on it. Well, I mean, wouldn't it just be you like Laura Croft? Here's Laura Crap.

Yeah, I'm laughing at that. But it still, but I mean, it's not great. It's not great. We're all stuck in Mad Magazine here a little bit. I was using barf to try to get towards green. Sure. Yeah, I see that. I thought you just wanted to talk about John Candy.

Movie, I do want to talk about John Candy. He probably puked green once or twice. Maybe St. Paddy's Day. Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah, too many fucking green orange whips. Does it like die the beer sometimes or whatever? They do. Yeah.

They do. They die the fucking river in Chicago. Which is crazy. It's very close. What are you guys doing out there? Yeah, I don't know. So, they should put a bunch of hot dogs in the river. That would do it.

No, we're not having another hot dog discussion. it's a river of hot dogs oh yeah drown me in that baby there's would be some dirty water dogs I'll tell you that much I ate this hot dog and got cancer cool if you could go fishing and just

pull up hot dogs I got a six back here hon I pulled up a six back right from the river oh they're their ballpark Franks throw them back oh these cocktail weanies they're not big enough yet put them back in the water

a guy guy next to me pulled out of Broughtwurst this big. Not kidding you. A Broughtworth's this fucking big. I got to put it on my wall. Maybe some soggy bread down there too. All right. Bonds happening. So also we've got Craig Ferguson shows up. Not Craig Ferguson.

Craig Robinson. I always do that. Craig Robinson is in this. And like he's got and I mean you want to talk about old ass jokes that just always never age well is they're planning the big offensive and he's like and I'll be over here with a Chimmy Changa

stand and I'm like fucking it's just that like that Simpson's gag when Homer goes to Clown College like here's a list of funny words Cucamonga you know what I mean Chimmy Changa it's just a funny word that we just love to say that's why people say it all the time

right I don't even think I've ever had one Oh first of all what is it Fix that immediately Well like I go to like a Mexican restaurant or something. They've got like, you know, real stuff on the menu. What is a Chimichanga? It's basically a deep fried burrito kind of. So, yes. This is like 7-Eleven stuff.

Right? No, this, you can, you can get chimichangas in Mexican restaurants. Can you? Yes. It's like, you know, it's a text mex thing more, more than not, but it's, they're quite delicious. It's a, yeah, deep fried burrito, man. You know, you got some, uh, sometimes they'll melt like cheese on top of it and whatnot. I'm sure it's good.

I'm sure. Interesting. I love all that slop. Place of origin, Tucson, Arizona. So we'll have to try one out in Phoenix when we're there later this year. Great idea. Yeah, Tucson. Nice town.

Been there as well. It's a good spot. I do have to underline it though, Eric. They are real. Chimmy Changa does exist. I thought it was like a fucking, you know, I thought it was like maybe, you know, a white suburban 7-Eleven thing that Deadpool had the reference. It's like the movie. You're thinking about.

tequitos. Yes, yes. 7-11s are at tequitos but Deadpool definitely a chimichanga thing and I was like what are the dates of the movies here and this is 2010 and that first Deadpool movie wasn't until six years later and the only thing I wanted to throw out to you Steve

are chimichangas baked into the comedy of the comic line or was that for the movie? Yes, Senator, as far as I can recall, yes they do actually, no they do actually records that he's making chimichanga jokes for a very long time. Okay. So So my theory about the Deadpool writers being influenced by Shrek forever after.

Thank God. Not a lot of weight. But I just think it was all in the same air of just like silly word, Chibi Chung. Well, yeah. Well, yes, Mr. Seda. But don't you know the whole backstory of Deadpool, don't you, sir? Yes, Senator. I mean, I'm not an expert.

But what was his real name? Wade Wilson, sir. I arrest my case. Look at the boy. He able to answer that all. is a loser Look at his little Willie getting all hard

Thinking about comic book history Guilty of being a loser Worst crime in America You get the death penalty Son because you're a loser I did a gavel with a beer can I like it I do dude I've been tried and executed

For being a loser You know who else is supposed to be a loser in this movie is fucking puss and boots because he put on a few pounds fucking assholes with this fucking I will say though you want to talk about things from comic movies that might have been watching Shrek the 4th

this is just fat Thor isn't it folks yep and that is you know what I mean like it's just it's your intrepid hero and oh he got fat he should at least like have a position in Rumpelstilskins government if we're going to do the fat cat right yeah he made him evil

that would be interesting I mean the thing that you could do because this franchise ain't above it folks he's just fucking a total catnip head like he's a total co-ed play it that way yeah playing like he's a cokehead and he's totally fucking useless to Fiona and you know whatever man

then you're not making these fucking lazy fat jokes he runs into Shrek at the outhouse because he's already in there doing catnip right yeah dude like a little Carlito's way spin off kind of thing hard of glasses playing he's at the catnip club oh yeah Droving a Ferrari everywhere.

Just this beautiful shot of Puss and Boots just slowly walking down the stairs or Puss and Boots girlfriend maybe walking down the stairs while heart of glass place. Yeah, it's just I really fucking hate this. Like it's just so lazy. It's like how can we show a character fell on hard times or might be depressed?

Well, he's just a fat piece of shit, isn't he? I think they thought it would be like super cute for the kiddos. Sure. Like, oh, look, a little fat. cat just like ours we don't feed properly. I mean fat comedy is I mean it's still a boon

at the time 2010. We're still seeing and also I think part of his depression had to be that his friend puss and socks got chainsawed in the bathroom and you know after that you can't really blame him for what happens you know it's you know it's hard going through that stuff

my friend was chainsawed in the bathroom. Now I am obese You know, I should have never trusted Robert Loja Cat. Chimichangas are the only real evil left. I just, I couldn't get it out of my mind. I had to have Michelle Pfeiffer cat. I just had to have her.

I mean, yeah. I get it. I get it. It's a pretty good pussy. Swish. Yeah. Look, I'm wearing. my loser does very well right now.

So this is how that works. What's you're convicted? I mean, it's ego wild. It's actually quite freeing. Very, very true. You're going to have a good night's sleep tonight in your cell. Loser's cell. Yeah, it's solitary confinement. They call it the loser's cell. You don't have any friends in there.

So all of this is me trying to avoid having to bring up the Pied Piper doing a flute beastie boy. Oh, dude. That hurt my asshole Dude, I tell you, I am not a praying man I am not a praying man at all When that fucking music cue happened I got on my knees and looked up to the heavens

And I said, God, I promise I will never make fun Of the fucking Kelvin Timeline Star Trek movies Using the Beastie Boys ever again I am so sorry You know what's funny about that is I did essentially the same thing But I got down my knees and looked up thinking I was like, God, you're clearly not there

I'm just going to say whatever for the rest of my life See you later One good note on this though It's like the Pied Piper comes in as this badass bounty hunter Which is funny enough of an idea But hey they keep him silent besides the The tunage right So look at that

Played by William Steig's son by the way The flute part Yes yeah He just basically William Steig the guy who wrote the Shrek kids He's a New York royalty And his son obviously if you're New York royalty has to become a jazz flutist. So that's what else you're going to do?

That's your job. That becomes a job, you know? What you're going to do? Start doing a tenor sax? No, no, no, no. You're going to do a flute. A jazz floutist. Talk about the only true evil life.

Oh, man. Yeah, so they play that was Shore Shot and all the witches have to dance. Yep. And that proves that how good he is and we now have to pay the piper. Uh-huh. and then I guess he's going to go off and try to get these ogres. This is of course after Rumpel Stiltskin

has just killed one of his witches by throwing water in her face. Yeah, that was pretty surprising. I was pretty nice. I was pretty okay with that. Yeah. I mean, that, that it was kind of had an untouchable scene, I figured.

Yes. I'm trying to reference. Oh yeah. It's that. It's fucking kill bill. Yeah. Yeah. that whole thing of like the villain is having a board meeting with all the supporters

the joker does similar activities like this you know where it's like there's someone who's underperforming and to send a message to the rest of the goon squad you fucking kill that underperformer horribly in front of everyone else love that joker and it bell yeah and again like it would be cool if these if you you've got christian shell at the barrake's place is one of these two like just make these witches look like characters and then like i'm like oh what are the witches up to, as opposed to just like a room full of fucking Halloween store witches. Make one an actual character maybe

as a right hand, you know, woman or whatever. And build that relationship up with Rumpel's stiltskin and do something. Maybe she's fucking, you know, disillusioned with the regime. So like she flips and helps Shrek or something. Right. It feeds and tell to the resistance, et cetera, et cetera. Exactly.

Look, we're doing it again. We're fucking fixing the movie. I mean, speaking of the resistance, we get back, down there. Donkeys down there as well now. And we get a Guillermo del Toro moment here. Yes, we do. I nearly was, I almost had a heart attack that's still haunting.

More eye trauma here. So donkey is drinking stew, eye stew, I guess, and pushes the, I mean, the physics of the, the, he pushes the eyeballs up through his nostrils so they come out

the tip of his nose. And then the shot is the eyeballs in the nose and his jaw talking for about a minute. And I don't think West Craven has anything on this. I don't think, I don't think anybody's got anything on this. You know, I saw that, I saw that happen. And you know what I did? I went, ah, real monsters. See, it's terrifying for us who know about organs and stuff. But for little babies, it's like, you know, like a cute telotubby type of moment, you know. That's true. Yes. Very cute. the advice that Shrek has been given by the way

is like oh well listen if this whole thing is you want to get close to Fiona for this true love's kiss the way to her heart is working out and training for the big D-Day operation they have coming here oh boy so he's like trying to fucking

fall in like battle with her whatever and she's like you're going to get yourself killed in this ambush tonight you know they're planning on raiding rumble still skin or whatever and so it's just them like fighting for a while I will say legitimate laugh it's just these two ogres standing in front of each other

punching each other in the face yeah kind of funny kind of one because I'm a sucker for somebody called somebody by the wrong name she calls him Scott at one point I laughed yeah you know it's fine I just it's like the easiest

way to get laugh at me is a popular character one person gets his name wrong on it's always gonna happen oh yeah did you laugh when a donkey says, that's redonculus. I did not, Senator.

So, I mean, I'm still a loser, but not that big of a loser. Well, I didn't laugh when donkey says redonculus, but I did laugh when Puss and Boots says redonculus. He's the one that says it. Donkey, donkey says, that was a catastrophe. And the only reason I laughed is because you have Antonio Vendera's going, don't you mean it's more redonculus?

And I was like, you know what? him saying Redonculus. Pretty funny. Mr. Jupin, you tell him that you laughed at Redonculus coming from a Shrek 4. Senator, I've been known to laugh at the use of redonculus in many

occasions. I answer the question, Mr. Jupin. Did you laugh at Shrek 4 when they said Redonculus? Yes, that was a legitimate. All right, we got another guilty of being a loser. Put him in in the sale. We need to get another the cell going.

Put them in cells next to each other. Let them talk. They won't be able to talk about nothing because they're losers and can't hold conversations. Dude, I need a fucking Edward R. Murrow to expose you fuckers for your loser witch hunt.

You're not fit to wear that uniform, you loser. Good night and good loser. I don't know. also like the idea of Antonio Benderis as being a non native English speaker

not really getting that joke. I'm like, um, como said Ditche, uh, rodunculus? Uh, yeah, I don't know. Maybe Melanie Griffith is a big user of redonculus.

That's true. Yeah. Oh, I used to hear it around in the house all the time in my last marriage. So around here we get, uh, Shrek and Fiona spar each other and Shrek is a bit clumsy. We come to find.

It's door to the clip. Well, I was already talking about them punching each other in the face. What of the craziness? Yes, but this is also the clumsiness and just want to circle back to that, Andrew, because the violence, very close to sex, and this cartoon works

you to know it. They want to... They're flirt fighting. Yes, they're flirt fighting. We interviewed a medieval historian to see if the fighting in Shrek forever after was realistic.

You fucking see this shit? What? Some motherfucker was like we interviewed someone to talk about whether or not the violence on House of the Dragon is realistic

and I was like who cares? Motherfuckers it's a show with dragons in it. Pardon me did you ever happen to read the title

of that their show? It's got a fake animal right in there. Yeah, your sense to be a loser. We've got it. it. We got here. I mean, it was, I don't know if it was indie, it was somewhere, it was like, we interviewed so-and-so

who's got a Ph.D. and Diddley Fuck. About whether or not the violence on that show's realistic. And I was like, folks, I don't know, review another movie that you didn't review, because this fucking clickbait shit is embarrassing. Having gone over the documents watching the first two episodes of House of the Dragon, It seems like there is magic in this show. And if they're magic in the show, why are you talking to me about realism?

Why are you doing that? It's a magic show, sir. So they do this sting operation, and it turns out it's a total fucking setup job because in the carriage is not Rumpelstiltskin, but it's actually, uh-oh, the Pied Piper, and we get a yet another action sequence here. And oh, by the way, they're missing.

Shrek and Fiona miss the siege because they're like flirt talking and stuff and like he's this is when he really talks about I know everything about you I know you cried yourself to sleep by candlelight for 15 years Hey you're getting it was fucking dark in there It's like that you know let's make Shrek

more like that movie room How about that? And I impregnated you three times Like come on folks But so like when I rescued you from the tower we stepped outside and you went what's all this and i went it's a field and then you went well the only world i've known is that tower it was like room very dark shit here

for shrek forever after but brie larsen gives a powerhouse performance she does yeah i i mean but yes while this is happening ruppel still's going to capture all the sandinistas and so now I mean Fiona is pissed if she wasn't pissed before now she's furious at him and they're forced to dance as well and what's this thank the Lord

for donkey and pussy and boots they got a wagon now and they run through get Fiona and Shrek they fall into this wagon I don't know how they both don't die from the weight of those beasts but and then they go off into the horizon

to get away from the songs and then off a cliff because this is an action action movie here. Oh, yeah. Point of order, got to point out whenever we get into

fucking pervert paloosa with these movies. And here it comes in this whole sequence, all the fucking ogres are dancing and whatnot. And they have this shot where Fiona,

much like some sort of beach blanket Jackie Treehorn party flies up in the air. And we are doing slow-mo. like look at this glistening and I get it's this character

is voiced by Cameron Diaz one of the most beautiful people to ever exist on the face of the earth it doesn't translate into Fiona the ogre being sexy it depends on whether you like the big old big old green titties that's your that's it's your that's your question

glistening green bosom and whatnot you know and I'm just man fucking puked out no I think the American people are supposed to very much relate to this you know yeah they like their cartoons curvy most americans look like ogres that's no surprise and they could see them their their own lives reflected in the beautiful opera that is shrek forever after um so whatever like

now uh fiona's furious with shrek they she even kisses him like as a like you know what fine no i'm gonna fucking kiss you i'll kiss you because he thinks the second she kisses him everything go back to normal uh-oh she actually doesn't love him when she kisses him so nothing happens and now we're sad yet again I don't know, but now Ruppel Stiltskin is offering a deal of a lifetime. I guess this is, we get

of course a callback to the mirror guy from the first one who's like telling everybody about this deal and like, hey, if you bring us Shrek, you get, I guess whatever. We don't want to really have details here because we're lazy as shit in this is a poor fucking movie. But let's just say

it will work. You're glossing over one detail is that the mirror guy says, and now this is supposed to be a dig at Rumpel Stiltskin, where he says there's a message from your tyrannical dictator, and it's just like you mean the king? Because that's the fucking definition of a king. Yes.

Just say king. And FYI, there's no such thing as a good king or a good queen. No, no, really. If you can believe it. You know, whatever you want to put in your scrumpet, that's fine by me. Just don't talk about it. Oh, well, there is one good queen and it was fronted by Freddie Mercury.

That's true. RIP. now that's a sad death no that is that is a tragic oh but his whole thing when the mirror is showing folks that

like out of the street it's supposed to be like a like their TV broadcast kind of a deal it's definitely Rumble Stiltskin doing like a like TV infomercial thing yeah

which I thought was kind of funny the way this is all structured but yeah the whole thing is basically like there's a bounty on Shrek's head if you fucking bring Shrek and turn him in you get a deal of

lifetime, which I took to believe, yeah, it's like a, you know, just carte blanche, like whatever you want. Rumble Stiltskin's going to give it to you. So this, this now is like fucking John Wick where, like the land of far, far away is populated entirely by assassins who are all coming for Shrek's head. And honestly, it would have been more interesting if they leaned further into this, or maybe this was more of the plot of the movie in some way. Yes. Do it earlier. It kind of just fizzles out. I mean, the cookie monster, or not that one. The gingerbread guy comes out and looking for him. Be cool if Cookie Monster Fawtrap or Focktrak.

Draw that on deviant art. The gingerbread man comes out, but then push eat some guzzy fat. Yeah. That's the big joke. But that reminded me of what I wanted a little bit in this, because this is a alternate timeline that will evaporate. Let's get some stakes. Like, at a certain point in the big fight, donkey gets eaten by the dragon, but then she spits him out. Like, no, what if she just ate him?

I mean, I know that's pretty dark. Maybe that's far too dark for this movie. But like that's, he's going to evaporate anyway. I like it. It sets up how they have to go back in time. Yes. I think, I think you don't have to go move too many places for this to get dark.

Yeah. I think that's true already. I mean, there's this weird psychosexual moment where a Pinocchio carts Geppetto and painted green. Yeah. Perform for them. Come on. You're Shrek.

Come on. Do it for me. You made me. It is funny. where I think that's just your dad painted creed he's like

no it's not which is you know it's close to you and then we could have had a reprise here of

how about I make you a real boy in the back room but I take you in the back room yeah make it clear get more intention

in Robert Stiltskin's voice yeah yeah yeah make it really really change the scene or hire Dylan Baker the ruined actor Todd Sallon's Trek 4

oh God but you know better movie definitely oh for sure shrek realizes that Fiona's never going to love him so he's got to do something he's got to set things right so he turns himself in and his wish is that

all ogres are set free which is like you know that's very nice and Fiona will uh and he's also this is a move by the way this is totally oh no no no I you know you're just helping an old lady on the subway looking at somebody else like huh well you see what I'm doing see what I'm doing yep yeah exactly

I'm not doing it for you old lady I'm doing it all those other people to see how great I am. They're all going to go home and tell their partners about me. They're just going to say, I saw this nice man on the subway today. And he was being so nice. I'll be known by millions. He looked like an ogre. But Fiona is not removed because she's not all ogre,

which is you get into weird territory, but sure. Dude, this is Rumble stillskin talking about some pure blood shit. I was like, uh-oh, Shrek Moore. You got a respect that he found a loophole, though. He did, yeah, that's his gimmick. Yeah, that is his, yeah, it's his whole thing. Now, Shrek, just wait. I have to get my calipers out, really.

So it's the big last fight. The dragon shows up and Donkey realizes that he likes the dragon. So they're like flirting and, you know, that's something. They do like a Luke Skywalker wrapping the fucking cord around the ATAT. Yes, yes. Oh, yeah, yeah. They put the, like, they fly around. They're both chained together on the same chain

And, you know, up in the ceiling is where it's like connected or whatever So they're flying around like Cirque du Soleil shit basically And they wrap dragging up in chains Yeah, this is a BDSM falls down Yeah, so doing it for somebody It is absolutely Meanwhile all the ogres have pulled like a Trojan horse situation Because rumble still skin is getting a new huge like disco ball delivered

And then uh oh all these ogres pop out of there and start fucking and fighting and whatnot. It's a big battle scene at the end of your Shrek movie. There's not a joke to be found. It's awesome. I love it. Love it. Well, the joke is you paid for it.

And they win and, but like the sun is rising and it's like, uh-oh, we never fell in love. And, you know, Shrek is... I want to mention real quick, Steve, that the Chimmy Chongas came into play at the last they sure did. Oh, thank God. They're being thrown around and hit people being. hit by them and laughs abound.

We didn't forget to bring back classic Chimichanga Joe. Chimichangas. Did they say chinchilla too? They have another fun word there for the double up. Oh man.

That's kind of a mythical beast from a magical forest too, right? Yeah, it's true. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, look at donkey. Looks like we're going to have to travel to Walla,

Walla, Washington. I'm originally from Cook a Monk it's all stupid all that you know what's funny though is while shrek like fiona's like oh no the sun's coming up or whatever shrek is literally disintegrating in front of our eyes oh yeah kind of the biggest laugh of the movie and she kisses him on his way out and disappear and he disappears and they're like too little too late and it's kind of great because and like you know the reveal is oh it's the sun

has risen and Fiona's still an ogre therefore that was true love's kiss and then everyone starts to realize that their life is ending like oh my god my reality is being destroyed every Adam in my bottom body is on fucking fire

right now yeah Pinocchio's wander around my tummy hurts Mr. Starr Shrek why does it hurt so much Shrek and him that's a fucking spaceship for some reason sure

somebody Sam Huey Dewey and Louie somebody get them oh god this hurts so bad I wish I would oh no so the way we cut back to the real timeline is we get the screaming the roaring Shrek ogre at the

birthday party yeah yep so don't bother dealing with having to tell your wife that you fucking wish she was never freed from her bondage there, Shrek. That whole

fucking fireball conversation never happened. Lucky Shrek, dude. It would be funny if you just did it again by mistake. And by the way, I've learned nothing. And another thing. Clearly this is inside this guy

and all it's going to take is a couple eyeball tini's before this comes out. maybe it's out of the birthday party somebody one of these fucking kids breaks their toy at Christmas and here it comes that's right dude because like yeah sure we're back now everything's fine he's like I've never been better

you know he's like you fucking save me Fiona all this shit but listen this is only one birthday there's fucking three kids and you're right Steve those eyeball martinis man they're out one night they're trying to have a nice family dinner out of Bucca de Beppo swamp and you know the kids are going

fucking crazy. The bread basket hasn't even come yet, but Big Papa Shrek is already four eyeball martinis deep at that Bucca De Beppo, and he fucking loses it on that weight step. They've never been so sure they should have had a closed kitchen area in their life. Because that open kitchen, Shrek's coming

right through there, all them chefs getting beat up. Oh, yeah. I didn't know, like, you know, like the king came to peace with Shrek. They're kind of buddies now. But I still don't believe that he's like, you know what? Maybe we put a few knights on them. Just to make sure. Shrek doesn't get out of line one of these days or that like, if some fat boy comes up to Shrek and says, do the voice, a knight can behead the boy.

Well, you know that things are still running tight with the in-laws, dude, because there is one part, because John Cleese and Julie Andrews do reprise their roles very limitedly. But there's one line at the birthday party before the movie kicks in a high gear where Shrek, you know, everyone thinks Shrek like ate the cake, but it's really the three little pigs. and Julie Andrews fucking as the mother-in-law at a left field was just like oh well you know just because you're an ogre doesn't mean you have to eat like one all the time and I was like man this fucking mother-in-law dude like they're still fucking riding this guy

it never ends that's one of the reasons he's fucking smashing that cake dude because he thought it was Julie Andrew's face oh and whatever like everything's back to normal he loves his life again and then because this movie

thought that someone somewhere is just loving the covers of Believer, one of the worst fucking songs. Wowsers. IMO. Yes. It sucks. And this cover sucks, too. Is this Weezer this time? It is. Yeah.

Terrible fucking cover. Oh, wow. Weezer did something terrible after 1999. I can't believe it. And, you know, they're playing that and you're just like, what the fuck? The movie kicks into the credits here. And

fucking Steve. Evie Wonder for once of my life starts playing and I was like, why wouldn't you just end the movie with one of the greatest songs of all time? No,

no, no, fucking Weezer has to come in covering Believer. Get out of here. Well, it's better than getting like whoever the singer

for the Vines is to cover that. Which would have been much worse. But not above what they would do. Wasn't I'm a believer in some of the other movies? Yeah, I think there's a smash mouth clut. cover, I believe.

Yeah. Okay, we pepped it up for 2010. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then you get Maxine Nightingale right back where we started from. Another fucking great old tune that's way better than Weezer. And much like the movie, they're just spending this whole time, reminding you of all the things you love about all these movies, all these little, like, characters from all the different movies are showing up in the background.

It's a victory lap. Victory lap, folks. It's great. Yeah, we're bigillionaires. Thank you. It's so fucking terrible. And that's it. That is Shrek forever after.

It blissfully is 96 minutes long or so. I didn't look to see if it's the shortest Shrek movie, by the way. I would like to think that it is. It certainly felt that way. Oh, I'm interesting that the movie in question you see was 96 minutes long, but your podcast is significantly longer than that. You're all sentenced as losers here with. Oh, wow.

actually, I sit corrected here. Shrek 2001, 90 minutes. Oh, nice. And Shrek 2, 93. 10 minutes of that first one are macarena jokes. So, yeah. It's really 80 minutes. Two and three are both

93 minutes. This is actually, oh no, well, this says, IMDB says that Shrek forever after is 93 also. I don't think that's true. Yeah. I think it's at least 96. I think this is the longest Shrek movie it turns out. I think it is. Garbage. garbage all around folks

but that's that's the movie you go around final thoughts and I guess maybe recommendations I don't know Chris Cabin

absolutely fucking not never watch this movie it's a piece of shit it's the same thing with all like franchises that get to this point like it's just like remember all the good stuff

well yeah but do you remember all the good stuff like that's essentially the tone of the whole movie plus some John Cassavetti stuff that was not very convincing So, yeah, no, terrible. Eric Ciske.

Yeah, the John Kansavetti stuff wasn't very convincing, Chris. He should have thrown a blow at least once or something. Some drinking, more drinking, I think. See, that's the thing is like, remember all the good stuff. No, I don't. I hated every single one of these movies. For some reason, I felt like maybe just this time, the runtime felt, maybe it was better paced.

I don't know. Maybe we had more action set pieces. I don't know. it didn't feel as painful to me, but it was still very, very painful. So it's obviously a no from me. I detest it. But for some reason,

I thought it might have been a little less painful than the first three. I don't know. Maybe I'll be eating my words on that when we recap them all again for part five whenever that happens. Eric has a favorite track. What's your favorite track?

I'm going to probably, well, do puss and boots count? Sure, why not? I would say Puss and Boots. son. Oh, that's right, because we are actually doing this for the sequel of Pussy Boots that's coming out this week. Oh, right. Yeah. Remembering why we're doing things at the very end, and I think that's

another instance of loserdom. After, it absolutely has to be Puss and Boots because that's the one with the least amount of Shrek in it. You know, that's fair. That might be my favorite as well. Anyway, I pass the gavel. Steve say that. Yeah, I, I share Eric's what you brought up a lot

in this episode, which I share quite a bit, which is this idea, is it worse, that there's no jokes because then you're not as angry at the bad ones or is it better? I kind of think it's worse. I kind of think that like this really loses

track of what these movies are supposed to be. I would love to see what Shrek fans think about this because I think that like the first movie is you know a historical artifact no matter how you cut it. You know what I mean? So it's 9-11. That's true

and they both happen the same year. Interestingly enough. That's the year that everything went down the toilet. But, I mean, at least, like, you know, in that movie, was a comedy. The point was like, oh, the humor is so sharp, which I disagree with. But, like, that was, like, the point. That's what, like, you know, and it's just not here. And we just have gone

so into the weeds of the marriage drama of this, you know, you just want Shrek fucking waking up, every day I wake up and I wish you in a date. Yep. You know, I don't need Shrek story. So it's a no for me. Noah Bombach, Shrek.

Yeah, no, this is not for me, did not care for it. Yeah, the absence of jokes, weird, and I guess a little interesting, but not too interesting. I don't know, I don't know if it works or not. And, Eric, I feel like I'm in the boat with you. I don't know what I want. More jokes? Nah, absolutely not. More action and fucking Shrek punching a hole through a wall?

No, definitely not. I don't know. I will say, though, it's on Netflix. It runs two hours and ten minutes. a filmed performance of Shrek the musical. Can we do this? Broadway legends, Brian Darcy James and Sutton Foster

in the lead roles. We got to do this. Maybe next year or the year, whenever Shrek 5 comes out, maybe that's when we do that one. You got to go back to the swamp. We might have to go back to the swamp. Steve,

I hear you grumbling over there. Oh, I'm grumbling. If it's the exact same story as the first one, I might also grumble. Yeah, no, I'm sure it probably is. I never saw it because it always looked terrible. Anyway, that is

going to do it for Shrek forever after, of course, wretched franchise that is not for us. If you like it, hey, that is fantastic. If you want more We Hate Movies, of course, check out patreon.com slash we hate movies. We got a lot going on there in this beautiful month of September. Of course, a we love

movies all about the Lord of the Rings, the Two Towers, which is a fun-ass conversation. The season premiere, of course, us choking down hot dogs trying to watch nothing but trouble. It's been fucking great month already stone cold classic new action film new to me anyway

that I love with all my heart but on the Patreon specifically though I'm talking main feed stuff but on the Patreon got a lot more stuff coming out there's an AD out right now on tailspin Steve is that right? That's right on Lost Horizons or last horizons whatever the fuck it is it's the racist episode that has been

taken off Disney Plus but you can still buy it on Disney XD on YouTube because you know the mouse needs that cash it's a wild the jingoistic tailspin episode, folks. Classic switcheroo right there. And it's a fun wildly app. I think it's almost 50 minutes long or so. Yes, about tailspin.

And that's another. And then on the, we obviously also have the Gleap Glouclery. This month we're doing Wee Quay. But you know, you might not know that character, but we've done tons of other characters. You do know like Emperor Palpatine, Boba, et cetera. that you can get on Patreon and unlock everything we've ever done

if you sign up now. Hell yeah. And as for the main feed here, of course, next Tuesday, the show continues. Steve, what movie will be chatting about that? We'll be bringing back one of our best old friends, Angelica Jade Bastien, do talk about disturbing behavior.

I'm so excited. I have not seen this movie, but I hear it is a hoot. We're going to high school. You know, actually, we have not done our back-to-school episode. this is our back-to-school. Oh, thank you. Yes.

Because it's so high-schooly and like what fucking table are you sitting at kind of shit. I'm so excited and I'm so excited to hear from our friend again. That's right. So until next week

when Angelica Jade Bastion returns to We Hate Movies, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. That was a hit-gum podcast.