We Hate Movies - S13 Ep634: Disturbing Behavior (with Angelica Jade Bastién)

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

On this week’s episode, the gang welcomes back long-time friend of the show, Angelica Jade Bastién to chat about the ridiculous, sci-fi teen thriller, Disturbing Behavior! What’s with this obnoxious UV character and all his hype man stuff? How stupid was MGM thinking they could mindlessly strip 40 minutes out of this movie and have it still make sense? And why can’t we get any career justice for James Marsden? PLUS: The return of our beloved Egg Lawyer, this time playing Egg Principal!  Disturbing Behavior stars James Marsden, Katie Holmes, Nick Stahl, Bruce Greenwood, Steve Railsback, Katharine Isabelle, Ethan Embry, and William Sadler as Dorian Newberry; directed by David Nutter. Catch the guys on the road this fall in the U.S.A. AND their Canadian debut in Toronto! Tickets on sale now! Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new MINGO!, WHAT IF Donna?, Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, break out your Harvey Dangers CDs and tighten up that 90s bull cut because today we're talking about disturbing behavior. I'm Andrew Jupin. A dangerously horny Stephen Sadeang. Eric Sisko. Flagpole Sita. And I'm Angelica Jade Bastien, bitches. Woo! And we hate movies.

Hello, everyone, welcome to the fine program. Thank you for tuning in, as always. That's right. We are talking about 1998's disturbing behavior directed by X-Files legend, David Nutter and here to join us back to the program, our good friend vulture film critic and all around kick-ass person, Angelica

Jade Bastian. Welcome. Oh, thank you. I'm so happy to be back. I don't think the audience is ready for the bitch to be back. And she's off her leash. Anyway, I've lost my mind. That's scary.

Oh, no, chate her up again. She's a little off. This episode was often promised. This is your return disturbing behavior you wanted it you wanted this which is like why the fuck i knew you would bring that up that i was the one who's like yeah let's just disturbing behavior and i can explain i can explain i watched this movie so many times in my youth as a young little girl and i and i didn't remember anything about it except for two things the ending and um james marsden's cheekbones jaw line Oh, you can't forget those

They have them all covered up in this movie But I'm like, I know there's a fine ass body under that You start shedding layers towards the end Towards the end you start seeing a little bit more But not as much as you would like It must have been hard to be a hunk in the 90s Because it was great for me in the 90s Because everyone's wearing like fucking

Charmin Mao-esque kind of outfits But everybody's doing that Steve Baggy your clothing is what you're saying Yes, yes Yeah, no, the Jinko Jeans era was the era to be Steve Sade. Chairman Mao believed in comfort first. Exactly. I'm just imagining Mao in like Foo Boo, too, like all, just all the new fashions that you've got out there.

And, Angelica, I assumed you just had like an absolutely atomic Nick Stahl take. I didn't, I mean, I didn't know what else is. I have a lot of Nick Stahl thoughts. We will get into that. Are they missing right now, just like he was for a fashion? I have a soft spot for him. Right, didn't he disappear or something? Yeah, he seems like he dealt with a lot.

I'm just, sure, sure, sure, sure. But I will say this, the presence of... It's okay to be missing. It is okay to be missing. The presence of Nick Stahl signals to you, like, immediately when this movie was made. Oh, totally. You don't need to look at the clothes. You don't need to listen to the music on the soundtrack.

You just need to see that dude's name in the credits of a major motion picture, and you know what's up it was a 10 year it was a 10 year gap it was 95 to 2005 that was Nick Stahl was yeah that was his that was his era but he did give us something okay he not this movie not this carnival baby I fucking love that show I need to do a rewatch I haven't watched it like all the way through in a long time but I watched it while it was airing this is so dating myself because like anyone under the age of anything? Probably like, what the fuck are you talking? Andrew and Steve were watching it while I was airing.

I remember strolling into the dorm room one day and they're just like, Carnival, Carnival! I just laughed. You turned around like Grandpa Simpson at the cat house. I love that little, two seasons, great cliffhangery ending that never will be resolved. No. Yeah, Nick Stahl, I saw him. outside, speaking of him being missing.

It felt like it was right after. You thought you found him? Yes, kind of. My sister had a kid. I walked out of Babies R Us with a gift and I saw Nick Stahl on 14th Street. I was like, holy shit, is that, am I the first one to see him? Are you sure it was him or just another guy

with a weird looking head? Yeah, it could have been. He does have a very weird shaped head. There's a lot of, there's like a lot of things visually happening in this movie, like with how people are presenting themselves that, like, fucking cracked me up. But I will say this, there is not much of a movie here. By the end of it, I was like,

I was like, well, I haven't seen them in a while, so we'll talk a lot of shit about other things at least. Oh, yeah. Catching up. A couple of buds catch it up. Yeah, exactly. We should say that the reason it's barely a movie and feels so, like, disjointed and fucking chunky and terrible is because this was an MGM chop job

This movie had like 30 minutes ripped out of it after like Five disastrous test screenings They kicked the editor out And brought like the studios editor in To try to fix it Real Disaster Town with this shit Which is fine

But I mean it couldn't have been that good Let's just be completely honest It couldn't have been that good But maybe maybe there would been something else It keeps Throughout the entire movie I was like There has to be more to the shit right Like yeah

Like there's more to this right No, this is it. This is what y'all came with. That's cute. Speaking of, let me, what's cute is this little buddy from Hopewell. This little beer you have. This little, it's literally called y'all, little buddy, a little logger by Hopewell. Hopewell is a great brewery in Chicago.

Nice. Which James Marston's character is from. Why did I, like, every time Chicago was bitchy, I was like, e'em, ooh, yes, bitch, in my apartment. Well, you're just hoping to run into James Marston in Chicago. Okay, let's talk about this for a second. Let me tell y'all, let me tell y'all, there are no man, no man, no man who looks like James Marston, who lives in Chicago. The white men here, I do not know what happened to them. Their sense of style and sense of self and looks, but it is aggressively mid.

And I can testify to that as someone who has lived in Chicago. now this year marks 15 years Wow So if there was a guy that looked like James Mars is in Chicago you'd like him to star in the box Right As in my box

Hell yeah You know James Marson Let me tell you You know he's not going to listen to this But Thankfully Hey maybe Maybe you know he has a lot

Ooh I was just about say He has a lot of time on his hands Ooh that was me When he's not correct I have nothing but goodwill towards James Marristen. I do too. He's very, very, very hot. And I wrote one of my favorite acting essays on the fact that I think he's a great actor who just has like a really not interesting career. Because he's super talented. He can dance. He can sing. He can look very,

very hot. I mean, no, I'm serious. I saw a picture of his son who I think is getting into modeling or acting or actor and whatever. And I'm like, man, that must really suck for your father to look like that because like you're like fine looking. But like he's like, Because white men don't be looking like that these days. You know what I mean? Back, I don't know what happened, what recipes were lost, but where are the Paul Newman's? I can feel this, actually. As you said, they're not being made in Chicago anymore.

Men as attractive as James Marsden, they are born orc-like from the ground. There are fields in England and Canada where they are pulled out of the ground. Now, these fields are now depleted, of course. I mean, it's been years and years and years. We've been birthing the hot white men from Canada and from England. No, it's not supply chain issues. I mean, all that goes into it.

I mean, we're chopping down trees and those are the lifeblood of hot white men who live in the ground for like, I believe, nine months. I'm curious how normal this is going to go. Yeah, I was like, where is this going? Speaking of where's this going, I'm going to the moon. There you go. I would like to posit that I think the.

problem with why James Marsden isn't in good movies? Quote unquote better movies, yeah, is because he is a very talented character actor that's too hot to be a character actor. Sure. You know what I mean? Yeah, let's get into that because I think I think we're in a really weird spot

in American film. I mean, I'm always saying this. But it's like we don't really have lanes for character actors the way we used to. No way. In a lot of ways. Even television, because, like, stars have moved over to their, like, it's just there's no oxygen for the character actor who can work in, like, these great mid-budget musicals, comedies, rom-coms. If romantic comedies were still, you know, a force, James Marzen would be cleaning up because he's fine, he's charming, he's charming, he's fine, he looks like he can fuck, he's fine. Like, I flirted with him when I interviewed him a few years ago, many years ago. And I think it was a mutual flirtation, to be honest, because he was like, oh, you know, I read the essay you wrote about me. And I was like, oh, my God, thank you, James.

See, he's going to listen to this. Yeah, James. James, if you're listening, if you're single, I don't care about being a stepmom. Let's do this. If you're listening, X-Ben 2, X-Ben United, really good. you're underutilized in those films, dude, FYI. He's not a bad Cyclops. They just don't know what to do with Cyclops.

They don't. They didn't care. And they did. After that first movie, they quickly realized it was the Hugh Jackman show. Yes. With those, that trilogy or whatever. Yeah. You just got thrown to the back seat.

And like, yeah, I always thought he was good Scott Summers. He's, you know. I'm going to list it all again. He's foin. He's very talented. He's foin again. He's funny. He's very funny.

He's very funny. He's very funny, you know, very light on his feet in terms of like, I don't know, he's also very engaged when you talk to him. Some actors just do not give a fuck. But I guess he knew I liked him. So he was like, let me give this girl some flirtation. What were you talking to him for? Like, was it for a specific film? Westworld.

It was like second season of Westworld, I'm pretty sure, because that's like what my piece was pegged to. And I'm pretty sure that that's what the interview was like linked to as well. it's funny you mentioning that the director of disturbing behavior is a big X-Files dude I want to hear more about that obviously for good reasons

look who is on my shoulder I couldn't figure oh that's really awesome for the listener Angelica has Fox Mulder and Dana Scully pictures behind her I was going to say paintings but it's really really good posters

by this artist I did that I got at pitchfork several years ago And it's just like these, it's like portraiture. And like on the back of it, it's, or below each picture. It's like one is a poster of just molder looking out with them dead eyes, you know. And Miss Scully, given the world everything you need, everything you want, everything that can be gotten because, hello, she's a boss-ass bitch. But it says, trust me, Scully on the bottom of his poster.

and then on the bottom of her poster it's Molder it's me and it's like damn he knows he knows he knows he knows who it is you're the only one call on that cell phone yeah can we start with the

I just want to start with these credits I'm sorry I've ever seen in my entire goddamn life I don't know what the fuck anyone was thinking with these open off titles what is it supposed to be

it looks like the inside of your eyelid like when you're like staring at the sun Is that really what it's supposed to be? Because it's supposed to be like the injection going into the eye when the kids get the microcham. Wow, that's so deep. Things are going to come into focus, don't you understand, throughout the 86-minute runtime. Like directed by David Nutter. I mean, that one's really bad, Chris, because, like, I don't know, with most stories, things come into focus by the end.

You know what I mean? That's not a good one. But it's, like, very low-key, like, DVD menu, like, bar-d-da-da-da-da-da. and then bang every five minutes and it's like without any rhyme or reason that it's like I don't know dude that's just the fucking assistant editor what are we talking about the font of the disturbing behavior

title specifically with the lights behind it I'm like are we going to the moon like what is happening to it looks fake it looks like a fake movie is about to be shown to me which it kind of is the noise the noise was reminding me of a knockoff Texas chainsaw okay yeah but what this sounds like though

is when motherfuckers would buzz in on like whose line is anyway, who wants to be a millionaire? Oh yeah. It sounds like someone's buzzing in on a game show every fucking time. And they are making this noise throughout the movie because it's the noise that happens whenever they get horned up and like their little Terminator eye goes off or whatever

the fuck. It's so dumb. Can I just say I had a weird fear watching the credits because I was like oh God, is this going to be the second movie I've seen this week that has some weird fetish shit? Is this going to be some fetish shit? Because I saw blonde two days ago.

And your head's still on your shoulders, so that's kind of a good sign. They start when she's a fetus. There's a talking fetus and blonde. There's a talking fetus. Is it voiced by Bruce Willis? It should be. And so I was like having flashbacks. I was like, do I have PTSD from this movie?

I'm afraid a fetus is going to start talking at the beginning of these credits. What's happening? No, it's just. it's just a dude getting getting sexy with a girl in a car here, right? Very sexy. Little lookout part.

Quintessential teenage activity making out and murder. Because she wants to fool around and he wants to hold on to his fluids like Jordan Peterson over here. Yeah, let's let's that dialogue I was screaming at some of the dialogue in this movie, but especially this scene

because she's like, what's your deal and he's like you know I have my game and I need to keep my fluids and I was like wait what? Wait wait wait wait I rewound it I was sort of I hit yeah I rebound it sort of that is

it's a jog back and put the subtitles on like yeah I was like I was like I was like I was like let me write this down if he keeps all the come in him the stream of those little sperms going forward helps propel you a little bit when you're running That's what I've heard

That's what I've heard That's right Yeah That's how it works And then she's like He's like Why'd you do that to your body And it's like

Let's get out of the car At that point Because you got a tattoo Why would you do that to your body Oh right Yeah Oh that's self-mutilation And then she's like

Self-mutilate this fluid boy And she starts sucking him off And I was like That'll show you on Hey on lady All right You know what As a punishment

For demeaning me I'm gonna give you blowjob, Mr. Look out. I'm like, what sort of, that's not how, what? This is giving men all the wrong ideas of how life works. And I'll tell you right now,

a creepy-ass song to be like parked to, about to get fucking sucked off. Is flies got you parentheses where I want you? Good Lord. Yeah, yeah. Great song, not for making out. I kind of wanted to see her smile at the camera with like razor sharp teeth. as she was about a hotel or something like that

just to make this even out. But no, it just happens for a little bit and he starts getting the horny vision with the red stuff. And then he just snaps her neck. While she's going downtown, by the way, and I got to tell you, buddy. That's dangerous, right?

Yeah, this brainwashed murderer, you know, like she's doing that to you and you break her neck. What if there's like, you know, jaw lock or something? Yeah. Then you're not playing in the game on Friday. Yeah, like you can't play in the game If you don't got a dick bitch Like why would

When did you wait after Like it just seemed like Maybe not the most thought out Situation but I don't have a dick So like maybe people are just snapping necks While they're getting blowjobs And then calling them and sluts More often than I know

When men get aroused They often have violent visions And they want to snap next yeah You know you're saying that's a joke But honestly No it's true it's sadly true but I don't know why I'm smiling

instead of breaking your neck why not say thank you how about that? I love a great thank you after a blowjob and Jelika wow that was that was great thanks girl

no actually don't say thanks girl to me after a blowjob I think I'd be a little bothered I don't know saying thank you after something like that like someone just passed the ketchup yeah thank you oh thank you

thanks Thank you. All right. That's actually insulting. Do you know how much work goes into a blowjob? Precisely. A mere thank you doesn't begin to cover. That's a lot.

Breath control, you know. Speaking of blowjobs, there's a blowjob scene in blonde. And I'm going to leave it at that. There you go. Graphic blowjob scene. Era. This movie. Merrill hit the feeling this is going to be coming back a few times.

Yeah. I also Nick Stahl. We got ourselves a creeper peeper here. He's in the bushes. With his dog. With the dog. Yeah. He's like smoking pot.

What's he doing to that dog? Yeah. Yeah. What is he? But also what happened to the dog? I was so mad. We had great dog acting little red bandana. It's like, oh, it's like, hey, Nickstall.

Hey, hey, here's somebody making it out in the car. You want to watch that right? Because you ain't got shit to do. You want to just jerk off? Okay. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, oh, yeah. Thanks, Nick Sol.

Like, that's what the dog was doing, right? So it's like a hunting dog. But Nick Stahl walks through. the forest with this thing in the middle of the night. This dog sniffs out people making out so the Nick Stahl can jerk off to it. It's Pacific Northwest Son of Sam is what we're talking about. That's true.

The dog should have got the microchip eye implant by the end, you know? He's now a good boy. I mean, it must be something like that. Somebody must have that kind of vision because like you can't, like, you're seeing the top of the car from where Nick Stahl and the thing is. He couldn't see them making out. He's like

peeping on them like the cops like coming to get them, I guess. you know what though Chris it's just the knowledge that that's what's going on oh yeah yeah it's just eroticism yeah yeah yeah he's using his imagination from there or maybe he's like really into cars you know sure it's some people it's like a titan thing yeah exactly exactly yeah i got it i understand that i get that as a woman and the cops come and they're like oh hey randy you're ready for the big game on saturday oh dead girl in your car huh buddy yeah don't worry about it.

Another dead girl, is it Andy? Okay. But that's the weirdest part. It's like, that would be the way the scene should go. But then he murders another cop and the cop is still like, Andy, boys will be boys. And I'm like, even the worst cop is like, yo, dude, you killed another cop. Now I'm going to murder you or whatever. Well, this is the problem because we don't, we never get a full understanding

of just like the reach of Bruce Greenwood in this movie. Like, spoiler alert, Bruce Greenwood plays like the mustache. And that fucking incredible mustache. He plays like a scientist that is doing like brain implant stuff, behavioral issue things. But he has like a grasp on this town that is never explained. Like he's just at the school and he's presented as like the school counselor basically. It's weird.

But he's got this whole operation and the whole town's under his thumb and we don't know why by the end of the 83 minutes. There should be more backstory there like his family was like. maybe the school's named after his family or something. He's like a long time person of the town. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, I think one of the things that kneecaps this movie is it's, which is probably

because of the chop job, as Andrew mentioned, is just like the world building is shit and doesn't like fully track. So it's like really hard to understand like, okay, so how big of a town is this? How small of a town is this? Because it seems like there's just a

one high school, but then I don't know, it's kind of hard to understand, like. Right. I don't think the, I think the parents are very specifically shown as not knowing, yeah, like, they don't know what's going on. And, like, the truth is, is, like, they just pick and choose what they want him to be in total control over. Like, Steve Rale's back, the main cop, uh, from Lifeforce. fame, of course.

And Nuki, of course, as well. And Nuki, yes. He is, he's this guy. And, like, he covers, like, three almost murders or violent murder, like, three violent incidents. Yeah, yeah. And he has to paper them all over. And Bruce Greenwood and him never talk. Like, you don't even have a scene together.

You need more, like, parlor scenes, something to set this shit up. And, like, are, does it cost money for this procedural? Is that what Bruce Greenwood is getting or is it about controlling the town? And where are they getting the khakis? That's a great question. You get the procedure done. Suddenly you're wearing the khakis and the loafies

and you're dressing crepe. Lots of hair, Joe. That makes me think that stuff's probably all part of it. It's like an orientation package they get. Yeah, like you come out from, you know, the anesthetic, you know, they put you under to do this thing maybe, right? And then like you come out of it and there's a little bag for you next to the bedside and it's your new cult uniform.

Yeah, exactly. It's like the the Ned Flanders reeducation thing. Yeah, exactly. Which is kind of what this movie is too. I think part of it is they put too much stock in this being a movie set on like a tiny island. I feel like they're making the setting do a lot of that work that we're saying the movie actually doesn't do. Because it's like, okay, if it's a small island thing,

you know, then it's like a midnight mass. You know, a lot of people are going to be on it very easy. It's a small town because it's an island, so they're susceptible to this kind of stuff. But again, we don't know anything about anything. We don't know if it's the only school on the island and whatever. Presumably it is, but yeah. And you don't, it's not about the town. Like, none of it is about the town.

It's about the kids. And, like, yeah, you get, like, the one scene with them sneaking into the meeting. But, like, the meeting isn't treated as, like, sinister or anything like that. which you might want to do if that is what you're trying to put across here, all the control they have. But, like, there's none of that, none of it at all. Because it's like you're trying to do the Stepford wives. But then, to your point, Chris, yes, you need to establish the community. And, like, even, like, or even establish the high school better than this.

Like, there's that one scene where it's great. So James Barsden and he has a sister, Catherine Isabel, of Ginger Snaps and Freddie. Woo. American Mary, all those horror films. Oh, right? I forgot she's American Mary. But she does nothing in this movie, right? Absolutely nothing. She doesn't do anything.

I was like, Ms. Ginger Snaps. I thought they were going to, I thought they were going to bring Ms. Ginger Snaps, like back in with the little blonde. We'll talk about later is just at the home, like, which I was like, you know, y'all, okay. This movie is so frustrating to me because I actually think someone should remake it because there's something here that I kind of find really weird and freaky. I think there is a way to do this story do basically like a teenager high school stepford wives thing

and do it right and I think part of it that they were getting towards with that director's cut that's not here is also like shit man make it fucking violent like there was a lot of that that was cut out of the movie and you know for the for you know one of the things was I guess like MGM you know he was trying to do a headier kind of paranoid thriller thing and the studio is like no just make scream we want scream but then like they excised all the violence and they excised like presumably scares there's no real like jump scares

no there's no jump scares there's nothing scary yeah about the movie at all it's barely moody it could be a scary movie though it could it really could you had that albino oh UV my guy UV let's get back to getting into the plot we're like

all over the place I'm sorry but UV finally some representation for me. Yeah. I was like, oh, I was like, Eric must really feel seen with this very strange, strange white boy. They took a brunette actor and put

white face on, whiter face on him. And it offended me. I got to say, UV is quite annoying. And it's got nothing to do with the albino. It's like that super fake Spicoli stoner voice that he's doing. Like, you're like one subtitle. I was

that UV? What are we talking? about today we're on the west coast we're near Seattle yeah it's like well I really want to unpack this scene later so I won't get into it but like one of the things with UVs UV

Jesus motherfucking Christ you've got to be like whoever wrote this screenplay was like really like oh yeah I'm really doing it here oh yeah totally between that like the nickname and then we are definitely using a lot of slams

that I feel no one was using in the late 90s. Speaking of Spacoli, but like there's some shit. I forget what the exact line, like Katie Holmes says something at one point. Razor. Rayser. Raiser. Oh my God. Oh, was it Razor? Yeah. I don't know if that's what I was thinking of that. That's so bad one. Oh my Lord. That party last night

was Razor. You know what made me think of them? You're going to hate me here. When bitches be saying, no, when bitches be saying Wizard and Star Wars, I'm like, bitch, which what? Yeah. That's my opinion. on it, too. Why say Wizard? Yeah, it's kind of stupid, but whatever. It's kind of stupid, but at least

they pull it off better every time this broads. First of all, she's terrible in this role. She is so improperly cast in my opinion. I got to tell you, man. I think she's one of the worst to ever do it. I think that she is literally one of the worst to ever start talking after somebody

says action. I really believe that. Yeah, man. I mean, I don't know I don't know if I've, like, seen her in enough to have a real opinion. I mean, I've never, I've never seen an episode of Dawson's Creek. Don't. You are so fine. Do not.

I think maybe I saw like half of pieces of April one time. I don't know. What the hell has she been in? That's plenty of, April. The ball's right, Batman. Yeah, but that's not, I mean, I know. I guess. Your eyes are on Batman when that's on.

Yeah, your eyes are on Batman. She's kind of terrible in that movie. She's kind of terrible in every thing. No, she's a really bad, she's a really bad actor and, you know, like, if you just looked at her as, you know, as a human being only through the lens of like her work and whatever star image she has, you would think this bitch has no motherfucking personality. So whenever, whenever they kept making those jokes about toast, who knew toast came in three different flavors and toast with the most and all this corny ass shit that these bishops are

same. I was like, that's the toast. She's the toast. No butter, no jam, no nothing. She is so... And then I was like, her character is very much Rachel, correct? That's her character's name? Rachel is very much the kind of character

that was meant to appeal to young girls like me who are the gothic weirdos who were like, fuck authority. I don't give a shit. I have a hard life. And it's like, yes, some of us did have hard lives, but we also were children, so it kind of sheds a fuck up.

But she's just like, there's no, it just seems like such a party city costume she put on like two seconds before. It does not feel like a real person. Yeah, no, you're 100% correct about the party city thing because she's definitely cosplaying as like that kind of a girl because like the movie stops dressing her like that for the last half of it and the only thing that remains is that like nose ring that she has

and then all of a sudden she's just it's like she took the wardrobe from the Dawson's Creek set and put that on and then like put a like tore a hole in the jeans at one and then it's like well wait a second like she's introduced wearing like all black there's all this wild cheap jewelry

all over that goes away completely they completely lost this character because she finds a love interest in James Mars than a way she can be I think that's more what you're supposed to relate to not so much like her being a character throw that out the window

it's in the 90s now we're not doing that but you can relate to her as someone who's attracted to James Marsden that is something that is pretty easy too that is something that's relatable and the thing with her I think is that she was good

when she was young and she got unbelievably worse as she got older like where was she good Ice storm I think she's really good in the ice storm and I think it's an interesting little role and like

I'm not going to go to bat for her or anything but I will say after that it's been a disaster Batman begins being like the worst yeah she's so bad in that

oh my god and it's like the worst to ever do it just putting it out there all right I'm not even gonna try to defend her but I was just looking at her IMDB

you know There's not a lot here. I mean, I think a lot of these small, small roles like Wonderboys and stuff, which anyone could have done. I could have been in that movie. She's okay and Underbrois, but to your point, it's a very lowkey role. I think, to Chris's point, everybody, James Morrison comes to this high school and everyone comes out of the woodwork.

Nick Stahl's like, hey man, like he is really friend flirting with this dude a lot. Which is crazy to just immediately give him this weird nickname of Stevie Boy. Don't do that to me. I don't do that to you. The high school, the high school politics are funny. Can we like, maybe we should, like, talk about the lay of the land. Sure. Like, every good high school movie, we get the, we're in the cafeteria and the group scene.

Oh, God. And that, like, actually harkens to what I was going to say about UV in his dialogue. After, you know, a very verbose Nick Stahl breaks down every group, uh, UV says shit, like, freaks. So chic. Freaks so this. Freaks so that. And I'm like,

I'm like, you know what? If I was in this movie, I would be like looking over at this bitch every few seconds like, does he ever shut the fuck up? The most annoying dialogue between him and Nick Stahl, like whoever wrote Nick Stahl's dialogue though was like, okay,

I just watched this great Quinn and Tarantino movie. Yeah. But I'm not Quinn and Tarantino. But I do have alcohol and weed. Let's do this shit. Dirking off and typing. Yeah, you're right, because I can't even quote it. All the stuff he talks about the nerds and like, oh, this table likes beer and then he makes

it like almost a poem. It's always a fucking shitty version of the clueless one where she breaks down. And that is the actual good one with actual jokes. This one is like screenplay, screen, right? Like, it just goes so up its own ass so quickly. And to the point where I'm like, is any of this going to matter other than the Blue Ribbon Society? By the way, no, it doesn't. Nothing but us being introduced to Blue Ribbon Societies, all that matters here.

That's all that matters in this scene. But introducing all these tables, like here's the nerds, here's like the burnouts or whatever. Here's the skaters. All those people also, they're like, they're cosplayers too. Like the nerds have giant computers and shit. Oh, yeah. Like, what the fuck is happening? Computer chess is going on right now?

It's like, oh, oh, oh, here I am with my book. Oh, my God. Oh, my glasses. Whoa. And I'm like, oh, my God. This is like, everyone went to party city and was like, go get your fucking costume. You're a nerd.

You're a jock. You like your car. Yeah, the gearheads. I mean, the gearhead guys, they cut to that table. And, you know, like Nick Stall is like, oh, yeah. And over in the corner, those are the gearheads. Those guys work on cars all the time. And they cut to a corner where it may as well be, like,

like six fucking huge middle-aged dudes smoking and covered in Greece. It is just like, what are you? You're in school right now. What are you talking about? What is the casting for? Did I miss the greaser fad in the late 90s? I don't remember the greaser's coming back. No, this was written in the 1970s.

Like, when was this written? We did have like car people in our school, you know. Yeah, of course. They were not dressed in fucking overall. I was just by to say, like, dickies and overalls and fucking re-smeared on their, like literally smeared on their faces. And then there was the skaters and then two black people. Maybe one black person, one brown person. But there's definitely one black person in the little blue ribbon, yeah.

Blue ribbon, love. He used to be Nick Stahl's buddy and then now he isn't anymore. Oh, poor Nick Stahl. He was losing all his friends and he was like, oh, this is a conspiracy. y'all can't hate me this is a conspiracy some shit is going on i'm going to be friends with uv now i'm going to be friends with this guy okay we're just going to talk about metallica y'all left me and now i got to be with uv the fucking whitest hype man since paul bearer thanks a lot i do yeah it is the thing where like yeah he shows like all these used to be my friends

so he's like trying to replenish doc and he's like hey hot kid you want to go can i sit at your table this is uv he's gross yeah that picture Gross. Disgusting. That picture is, I think, the funniest part of the movie because Nick Stahl's like, see all those guys that are in the blue ribbons, they also used to be my friends. Look, and he shows him this picture. And it is like four idiots trying to get into a 311 concert. I mean, it is like, you are looking at that picture, and it is so like 90s crust dirt bags. It's awesome.

Yeah. Danger dirtbag energy. We're getting from Nick Stahl, who plays Gets, who quote him and UV like their metal heavy and their Marlboro's light. Oh, pretty cool. Suck my black dick. Who wrote this? This is so terrible.

I was literally like, oh, my God, I like this as a child. Yeah. This is why, you know, sometimes I look back on my taste as a kid and I was like, whoa, Angelica, little Angelica, you had some good taste, girl. Look at you. And then other times I've rewatched disturbing behavior and I'm like, what the fuck were you doing with your life when your brain was just forming. Like I was very young with this movie came out.

I also, you know what this movie reminds me of in terms of energy and like certain like town dynamics? Like, and I think it may have came out this year too, the faculty. Yes. Oh, it is the same year as this. Yeah. Almost the same movie. Yeah, it's really similar except one has aliens and one is microchips.

Yeah, microchip mind control Bruce Greenwood Yeah, oh yeah In a mustache Making you watch a PowerPoint presentation At one point with like Buzzworth I guess I don't know what that was

Pretty scary That's not I'll be honest That is pretty scary As Dr. Edgud Caldicot Caldicot Caldecott really rolls off the tongue Let's take two on that name

It could be doctor something else Anything of the Caldecott This is the first draft Like I really am curious How I'm curious how the script was. Well, it's a stupid thing because there's another character that has another name. And both of them are also the names of writing awards. Oh, right, Newberry.

Newberry, yeah. We're having fun, I guess. Oh, my God. Do you think, oh, God. Wait a minute. I'm starting to think, like, I'm imagining the Cork vision board above the writer's desk. And then maybe there's this award and that award. And the Pacific Northwest.

Each award, it's just, there's a question mark. Like, will the screenplay win this one? Which awards can screenplays win that aren't Oscars? Yeah, Katie Holmes plays Rachel Mann Booker Prize. The janitor Frank Pulitzer. Oh, and we'll get into janitor Williams. There's a lot of slurs flying around.

Oh, yeah. There's lots of nasty this. The spirit of this movie is nasty. One thing this movie did not need. I mean, like, you know, you have your, you're moving to the new town and like, oh, this family has a dark secret. The dark secret is that Ethan Embry is trying to break into the film. He's like, he's like, he's like trying the door. Like, it's like, he's an embryo's almost in here.

Oh shit. Oh, shit. Lock. Hey, guys. I got locked out of the movie. You let me end of the movie. I got locked out. Just cut these out of the movie.

I know, because they don't even do anything with it. It looks like he's a ghost trying to break through the TV screen or something with this weird effect they do on it. That's part of the chop job is there was way more flashback shit with Ethan Embry. And yeah, like at that point, just remove it because nothing about it, you know, comes to play in the movie other than the time James Marsden goes to like the soda shop or whatever or the yogurt shop. Yeah, Rosco's yogurt shop. Okay. And the guy, like, calls him brother and he's like, hey, you're not my brother. Oh, yeah. And I was like, all right. Yeah. Yeah. They don't really do anything with that. But like, so yeah, we get, you know, a lay of the land with UV.

You, I'm sorry. I can't even say it. Gavin and Rachel, who the way, just side note, the way Rachel is introduced, it's like, like, I'm chick a woman. I wrote down I wrote down I wrote down L.O.L. at films making us think the most boring-ass-looking white girl is a goddess. And I know that's a bitch-ass thing to say,

but I was really like, Katie Holmes, Kitty Holmes. I think she's very attractive in this movie. And they want you to know it. They really want you to know it. The camera's just hanging out on her ass. Yeah, her ass is very much a focal point,

much like Marilyn Monroe's in the upcoming film. blonde. Seriously. Count the ass shots, y'all. You think I'm joking. I know. I know.

It's coming. Um, and then like lots of midriff bearing, which was very in at the time. Oh, absolutely. Oh, yeah.

It's coming back, too, I think. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I've seen it out there. I've seen it out there. I got eyes. You're out there.

We get like, we get like, not in that sense. No, you just out. You're out there. Yes. Yeah, yeah.

I'm outside, Stevie boy. Sometimes I... Outside. Taking it out outside. No. It's always good. No, it's always good, Eric. It's fine.

Anyway, back to the film. Yes, there's a sketch of a, of the school. Like, you get to see Dickie, the one of the greaser guys, a bust into James Marsden's English class and call somebody a packer head, which, okay, that's, is greaserhead lingo. That's back from like God knows when. Like that's back when like Elvis was like charting the hits.

Like he was really going. He's about to rip up his draft card for Korea. Why did you do that? He has a face like that though. You know what? Yeah, he does. Yes, he does. Well, one of the musicians in Back to the Future in 195 calls somebody Packerwood. That's true. One of Biff's guys.

Yeah. But it's, but yeah, they have a little fight and like This is only to pay off, like, that night. And this is the thing that I'm very unclear about. One of the many things I'm really unclear about. Is it a thing where your parents need to sign a permission slip to turn you into a zombie? Or are these kids roaming the halls and making people zombies all theirself? Also, Bruce Greenwood tries to, like, come on to James Marston as well.

And he's like, why don't you join the blue ribbons? And it's like, can you join it? Or do your parents need to pay for it? Like, what's happening? Hey, Steve, according to the movie, sure. It's both all and none simultaneously. Yeah, because like later in the film, Gavin's

parents was at this, this, this, this dark PTA meeting or whatever. Right. And they want to sign him up. So it's, the movie doesn't know what it wants to do is the real problem. No. It should be a parent's only thing. You know what I mean? Like your parents, because that's Stepford wives you, right? Like that's the point of the movie is like, your parents want to make you into something you're not.

That's like an emotional through line That you can actually follow like a movie All relate to that Sure There's five people on this podcast Five people disappointed their parents It's great Actually I'm not a disappointment to my parents

My parents are a disappointment to me There you go Love you mom Hope you're listening But I mean like that is at least And then like you make Because at the end of the movie We'll talk about the end of the movie

Which is wild No parents are punished Only the kids The kids are fucking first. Nobody's punished. What the fuck? It doesn't make any sense. Yeah.

Well, again, you know, we all know here that studios are run by idiots. Sure. They're run by people who don't care about movies. They don't know how movies should function. Look at Warner Brothers. Yeah. Right.

Well, I'll tell you this. All that parents stuff that we're saying is missing and needed for the movie was also shit that was excised by MGM. Oh, yeah. They had more stuff with the parents. And it was shit where it was like the parents, absent of the kids, like the parents talking about the situation

and the process and whatever and then, like some cigar chomping motherfucker was just like, oh, no no kid wants to see parents talking. There's no kids in the scene. So every scene with adults that doesn't have kids in it was cut from the movie.

I need Nick Stahl and I need him on a VHS tape, okay? That's what the, the Jamie boy. What's his name? Jamie Kennedy from the, from the screen pictures. He was on a VHS. You gotta be on a VHS. His last will and testament or whatever.

But just to get through some of this, the principal's office, we need to talk about the principal's office because it's a monumental movie connection to another movie we've done. Stevie boy, take it away. It is, uh, egg lawyer has been replaced by egg principal.

Yes. The same actor, the very same actor is, uh, he is as big as life in this movie, loving him in it. Uh, let me pull him up.

double jeopardy, the film double jeopardy and our episode on it where I think Chris Cabin might have coined the egg lawyer term for this fellow because the man the man looks like an egg J. Baratsu also now I'm guessing like this is only seen in the movie

Bruce Greenwood is in both both films are these like is he like a running buddy a Bruce Greenwood maybe well maybe a sitting buddy but yeah that seems more like yeah maybe a bookstore buddy that might be a thing right there Maybe he's his park, yeah, park buddy. Oh, like his dentist.

Yeah, there you go. I need to keep my dentist on set. He does throw him some rolls here and there, you know. He does some good regional theater. He's actually pretty good, you know. He was in Macbeth last year. He was nice. I mean, I can't take my eyes off of him whenever he's on screen.

Of course, he's shaping an egg. When they were, when they were casting Star Trek 5 and they were like, who were going to get to play Cybok? And then they were like, hey, I think it was either Nemo. Shatner was like, how about this dude Lauren's Luckin' Bill? I saw him do community theater one time and he was awesome. And that's how that dude got cast to Cybock. Awesome. So maybe egg lawyer

slash egg principal was in, I don't know, some fucking production of Our Town or something. And Bruce Green would happen to be there. He found him somewhat a Sybock situation. That's it. Yeah. It would be great. You know, like at the end of the movie, the principal is like, I don't think so, Stephen. You're not leaving.

And he's like, you're going to get scrambled, motherfucker. And he, like, punches him in the head. Yeah, that would have been a better last badass line than the quote-unquote badass line we'll get there. One thing about the suicide, because Ethan Embree is the older brother who committed suicide. Catherine Isabel brings a friend over home and they're having dinner and the dad, she's like, he's like, oh, Catherine Isabel's like, you know, my brother, Alan was always the best speller or something like that. He's like, what's your name? And he's like, my name's Steven. So who is Alan?

He's like, Alan's our brother who died. And the father's like, let's change the subject. The girl is like, oh, my grandmother died. And he's like, let's change the subject. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But if I was either Ms. Ginger Snaps or maybe James Marsden's character shouldn't have done this. But if you're like, hey, my brother killed himself.

Yeah. And then you say to me, oh, my old-ass grandmother died. Yeah, big time. Don't come out with that weak t-shit. You better start running, girl. These earrings off. You're about to get your ass beat. What the fuck are you talking about?

Your grandmother died. Yeah, not the same thing. Yeah. This girl was dumb. Grandmothers are supposed to be dead. Exactly. I just have this image of Angelica running after an 11-year-old now. Just like, get the fuck back here.

He's a grandmother. He's dumb bitch. But then he's like, he goes up. Oh, whatever her name is like, hey, Emily, do you get yelled at when you talk about your dead grandmother at home? And he like storms out. They're like, oh, Stephen. It's so awful because there is no, there's no follow-up scene. There's no, you know, like, if that blowout happened on 902.10.

The very next scene is Jim Walsh knocking on that door. Like, hey, Brand, can I talk to you for a second? Like, there's no, like, I miss your brother too. It's hard for, like, anything that would make these fucking things. things on screen feel like people? Yeah. We have no real sense of like who the family like really is. Like what neighborhood

in Chicago did they live in? You can't just say Chicago. First of all yeah. They're probably from the suburbs. You know what? You know what? You're right. They're probably out in Oak Park or some shit. Oh yeah. Chicago. Wow. Chicago. They never come to Chicago. Fucking

liars. Yeah. Once a year for a Cubs game. That's it. Yeah. It's just easier, right? It's just easier to say Chicago. It's not the Pacific Northwest, which looks, which, you know, it's nice seeing beautiful forests and stuff. I will say the movie doesn't like look like shit. It's just is shit. Yeah, that's fair.

I mean, but to your point, Angela, like, this thing this is missing is character. Like, just saying Chicago is just to be like, oh, we moved from a big city. We are now in a small town that is different now. And like, that's kind of all they're doing. And like, like, that's, a lot of this is just, like, telegraphing you things that would be interesting to get some little tiny sense of. Like, watching Dickie get beat up by all these kids to be turned into one of the, like, characters. Because, like, what you're talking about about the community not being in the movie, like, it's because they want to have killer kids. It's because they want to have children of the corn as well.

They want to have both things. Yeah. They need to kind of play that angle and they want to have chug. Oh, my. trying to get in this motherfucker. We're at Chug right now because here we are in the movie. They are doing what kids in the suburbs love to do to hang out when you're in high school and you've got no place to go, but you don't want to be home hanging out at a parking lot. And this is what they're doing.

Nick Stahl's trying to get, like, do the old convince an adult to buy them beer. So pathetic. Yeah, not really going so well. And then like Katie Holmes goes into the store, right? And then. Yeah, she should have asked for beer, by the way. She probably would have a better success rate than that's what I thought was about to happen because Nick Stahl's like, oh, he struck out again. And then she gets out of the car like, alright, don't send a fucking dude to do a cute girl's job kind of a thing. But then that all goes to shit because this dude chug gets horned up in the grocery store and some other stoner bumps into him and this dude starts going ape shit on this guy. This dude is such a creep. Like mouth breather, like so gross. I am sorry.

this dude, his name and his face match in this movie. Yep. Yeah. They absolutely do. But yeah, he goes apeship. He goes, absolutely. It's a Captain Crunch meltdown. Right in front of the Captain Crunch boxes.

He has a fucking melmette. Don't some bitches get thrown in cereal boxes? Yes. Oh, yeah. The crunch goes crunch. Speaking of X-Men movies, this kid goes flying. There's like, he's got four feet of air. And I'm like, well, how is it?

this is national news at this point I mean that's the thing how can they cover up because it's like dude rip this dude's septum piercing out throws him all around like do these people have super strength now that they have some mind fuckery happening? That's

what I was just going to bring up. Great point because the septum rip like whatever you can accomplish that but this throwing this dude like seven feet into the fucking meat section yeah now there's now we're dealing with superpowers now that's a that's a big problem that the movie's never going to

really address. They are just superhuman for some reason. And wanting to continue to sign your kids up for this thing when clearly there's been a lot of fucking problems. A cop's been shot dead by one of them. And everyone's just like, get in line for the blue ribbon program. Come on. There's this one

in the scene, you know, we're just talking all over the place, doesn't matter. In the scene with the evil PTA meeting, someone raises their hand. It's a woman. She's like, you know, my son, ever since he came back from the blue ribbon, I hate to say it. he's been very unkind and like Bruce Greenwood's like oh sure no problem you know he'll that's an adjustment phase like no you like you come back at this kid's a psychopath like

fucking a cat to death or whatever these people are doing there was a mention of yeah the andy jock apparently bit the head off of a kitten in a rage a fit of rage yeah that's sort of briefly mentioned and nobody asks a single follow-up question now I thought the twist was not mind control, but that they were all aliens from Malneck. Ah, of course. Is that the name of the Alf planet? Melmaelma.

Melma. Well, this is the moon of Melmac. That's what I was talking about. Oh, got it. I saved it. Fuck Alf. Don't leave kitties alone. Kitty's deserved to live.

I did not like that part. I'm very anti-cat-hating movies. Well, thank God they cut the scene. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then also, if they actually had that scene, I would give this an extra star if somebody... Oh, yeah. Oh, for sure. A little edge.

They have some stones. My God, this fucking movie. It's just so tepid, right? It just feels like very tepid this movie. Oh, it's just like, you know, like someone like didn't turn the faucet all the way off or on. It's like there's a movie kind. It's like dripping out. I don't know.

What can I do with this? Well, this, they were, because they were so fucking stupid. Like, they were so concerned with like kids. you know, wanting to see the movie, but they edited out all the things that they could have kept in to make it interesting and left all the stuff in that got them the R rating, because let's face it,

this movie's only rated R because of profanity in the screenplay. There's nothing else whatsoever that would give an R rating. Are there tits, though? There are. There's a, there's a brief nipple thing there, which you could get away with. Yeah, I would say that's a tit and a half. That's a full tits.

You know what, it's a tit and a half. We've got to to give it an R rating. We got the, it's like in football when they're trying to see if it was a first down and they get the chains out. Measuring it like, oh, nope, that's a tit and a half. That's an R rating. I mean, you joke, but they had those guys at the MPA at the time. Oh, for sure. They were definitely those

guys in the thing. Yeah, let me measure her nipples. How much of her nipples you see? You cut that out. You extend some of the plot stuff that the parents and the exposition that was apparently there, right? And just you have a PG-13 that might have not been a disaster at the box office.

Yeah, it's just, yeah, this shit sucks. So we do get a thing, you know, this dude Dickie is like, he's going down to the docks and he's like, hey, I'm here for the car parts. Somebody called me and said to show up in the dead of night in this location for car parts and all the like blue ribbon dudes kind of surround him and like beat the shit out of him. And that's the last year, see of that scene. And it's a little mysterious, I guess, is the idea. And it's all done in black just to like, it's supposed to be eerie. But like, I would rather have seen what happens to Dickie. Oh, I mean, like, also like, you could have also, I mean, there's a lot of ways to lure him there.

Like, hey, I heard there was a Roy Orbison concert here. I'm dressed for it. I got my, I polished my shoes up. I got my quaffa going. We haven't touched on it. I heard that there was some summer loving over here. I had me a blast last time. We didn't completely touch on it,

but there's like 15 scenes in this movie where people are like, the blue ribbons, yeah, more like the blue robots. They keep repeating this. I know it's like we're stupid kids watching this, but come on. No, it's a lot.

Even I, as a true stupid kid watching it, was like, that's probably a little too repetitive, my dude. So, Dickey turns into a blue ribbon. And then the next day, They know that something's off because him and the rest of the blue ribbons are destroying his classic car. And I feel like his dad's got to be like, yo, Dickie, I could have got you money for that. Like, you know, hey, I like, I kind of like the car. You know what I mean?

Yeah, it's a beautiful car. I love that shade of red. Sure. Like, you know what I mean? Like, why are we destroying his car exactly? Because if the whole, yeah, you're right. Because if the whole thing is like, you know, this implant from Bruce Greenwood gets all these kids to fall in line and yada yada. well, I don't know.

There's something a little, you know, delinquent about putting a baseball bat to a car windshield. Guarantee there was a deleted scene where, like, his father was like, and stop fucking around with that car all the time. You know what? Like, there must be something to make this happen. That's probably, you're probably right, Eric. But I would much prefer, like, in the middle of this scene, like a bright red Wingshouser screaming, what are you doing?

What are you doing to your car? That would be beautiful. Ripping it up because I need some fucking jolt Because I'm already bored in this movie And they're totally pretty bored You're totally right though Chris Because what's so dumb about that scene This is happening we should say

On school property Yes And there's nary a fucking school administrator Coming up being like hey Could you six kids with baseball bats Each stop beating up that car What is going on? You're having your kids do this procedure

So that they're good and now they're like killing people and smashing property so I'm confused by it all it's weirder than that because it seems from what the banner says this is a yearly thing this is like for charity or something would smash in the car yeah did you pay two bucks to smash up the car

wow is that what did it because I thought that was just the bake sale that was going it says the car wreck it says the car wreck on the banner oh that is fucking stupid nevertheless it's like the movie has to take a pause and we do that street fighter pause where it's like, yeah, I beat this car for a little bit, we'll get back to the movie afterwards.

Get E Honda in there just like fucking shredding the thing with his fist. Punch them crates, dude. You got to punch them crates. Can I ask a serious question? Yes. Pretty much right where we are. Yes, Stevie boy. What accent is William Sadler trying to do?

What are we trying to do dumb slash genius? Every answer is incorrect. Whatever your answer is, It's not, it's like the blender. Like, it's like asking the first AI to make up an accent. Like, it just completely off the map. Also, the way he interacts with rats, that can't be good for his health.

How is he still alive? Yeah, he's got to play this by now. Right. Like, I was like, he's just pulling rats out of his little bag. And I was like, bitch, you know, it's stank up in there. Oh, absolutely. It's nasty. Yeah.

And what is his mother? in the mouth too little rat blood in the mouth i think when he's doing that for sure what is this character what the fuck is this character he's a janitor pretends to be stupid so he can like learn the secrets i like he could be a conspiracy theorist and onto the trail of this we need to flesh this out more than we do yeah you find out that he's a genius because he's reading slaughterhouse five and i love kurt bonnigan i love slaughterhouse five i oh a whole 300 pages this guy's a genius. Exactly. That's ninth grade reading folks. I again, love the book. But

they find out that he's reading it's like, hold on you're, oh my God. Well, because he's You can read? Here's the thing though is I don't think he's just pretending to be quote unquote stupid. Like he's pretending to be mentally disabled. Right. And I feel that's because that's why it's like, oh, you have this book that you I mean, so it's like the reading level. Does

matter, Steve, because he's pretending to be like a George from a Mice and Man or whatever. Which is sort of like, I need more of him doing that. It seems it's more of the kids just calling him the R word. Yes. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's just, I mean, that's how I read it.

Maybe that's not the case. I think you're right. I just think the movie just fundamentally fails on every level. You know what, Eric? I think he probably had an idea of what he wanted to do with this whole scenario, this whole get up he's doing at some point. But at this point, as we see, it is just a suicide mission. And he's seeing how many

people he can bring down with him. Which, and the interest is quite a lot. Give me that crackpot bunker shit. Give it to me. Anything. A jolt. Like I said, any jolt would be great. He needs to be, here's what it is. I think I just figured it out. He needs to be the guy who's like Bruce Greenwood fucking killed my son. Thank you. The operation went south or something. and I've been undercover pretending to be this janitor and I'm going to fucking take him down. That's the disturbing behavior, by the way. Him pretending to be this dumb janitor.

Because he's like living with the Kaiser Sozhe-esque life where he's like walking differently, whatever someone... For nothing. For no one. For no one. For nothing. It makes no sense at all. I mean, nothing in this movie makes sense.

Well, we set up that he's got this sonic rat catch. machine. That's the that's the only reason we're doing it. God, that's dumb. And it's the weapon. And the thing is is that because you have William Sadd, this is the reason he's in it so much is because it's William Sadler.

So you have, you don't just try to shove all of this information in real quickly. You have this first long scene where you think he's an idiot. And then like you have a longer scene later when a chug tries to fucking like rape Katie Holmes. I don't know what the fuck is about.

That is a lot. Yeah, that's exactly. And then you find out what the rat thing can do, and then that's what that seems all about when they trigger it. So I think they milked a lot of this for Sadler juice, and I really think that's a smart idea for

anybody. And every time you have a Sadler, milk it completely. I'm into milking. Don't say milk. Don't ever put milk in a man's name. Now I'm just a bad. Let me fix it for you.

James Marsden milk Like a gorge Right? She's got man milk Still didn't work No You know next time I'm doing something

I'm gonna be thinking of man milk You're ruining my I can't have any dairy Do you have any man milk I mean coconut milk Do the hobbit Do the hobbit Bomin

We don't have any oat milk We do have William Sadler milk though is that pre is that pre Bill and Tedder after is that the same company that makes William Sadner juice I will say

the rapping Reaper is less embarrassing than this character but he's been in some stinkers too I worked on a movie with him I actually got to see him in person acting and he was he was good but the material was fucking dog shit so

happens. He gets the hammer in this movie and William Sadler and I'm like that's got to be Bruce Greenwood. I'm sorry folks. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. Big time. That's actually pretty surprising. Yeah. I would maybe say that if Greenwood gets like a big scene. I don't even

like the end I guess but like even that is kind of a limp like none of it is really a big scene. There must have been these scenes with Bruce Greenwood and these parents but that Chompin'exec was like no, no, no, get to the scene where Katie Holmes says, what's that?

Razor. The kids are going to love it. We got to get to the Harvey Danger. Don't you understand? We got because I will say that is the one that where you really notice it's a chop because they pick the weirdest moment in the entire movie to hit Harvey Danger flagpole sit a. It's like

a runaway scene in the middle and they're just like cut to it. It's like the cut happens with the drop. It's yeah. It's fucking terrible. We will get to that. Yeah. but so like whatever this is like we're at like the parents meeting

yeah the Blue Ribbon Advisory Council they're calling it and yeah this is it is fucked up because the line that Greenwood has here Steve when that woman is like my son's kind of an asshole now he's like well ma'am you know it's just a few weeks

of an adjustment period you know I mean look at it this way if you were an eagle flying high in the sky you'd be looking down at all the pigeons below you you're really selling these I hate to be a, if we're talking about complaints.

Yeah, my son was watching Temptation Island and then choked my grandfather to death. And he didn't, he didn't do that before the surgery, right? Usually they choked their chicken to death after watching Temptation Island. That's interesting. I'm going to write this down. My son was, we were as a family, I didn't know what the movie's about. We were watching funny games and my son was laughing hysterically. the whole movie

just absolutely riotously and we thought that might be a problem we thought that might be an issue I just I mean like and I mean like the joke is not the joke but like the twist is like

oh teenage hormones LOL all that stuff but I mean like these are the worst people to be violently horny like you're these are the horniest people on earth teenagers

you know and you're turning them into the white ribbon here you know exactly Funny games made me think of it. That brings up a question. Are we supposed to look at Bruce Greenwood as a, like, a crock of shit?

Like, he's actually not good as a scientist, whatever, like, or, because, like, now I'm, because it's like, like, bitch, we'll get to it. But obviously his daughter, so you're starting off wrong foot already. Okay. And then, like. He needs a few graduating classes just to warm up and then it'll be good. Yeah, because the whole I get a hard on or I get turned on and then I go berserk thing kind of seems counterintuitive to the whole step for children by. Yeah.

It's a real back to formula kind of thing. Because the one nurse, there's a weird moment where like you see operating table kind of looking down thing. And it's Bruce Greenwood and some other woman who we never like officially meet in the movie. And she's like, huh, what do you know? When they get horny, it fucks up the microchip. And it's like, it seems like that's a thing that you should have noticed in the testing phase before we made an army of these superhuman children. When you get the first one, you put the first implant in there, you have them tied down and you try to get them horny to see what will happen. Yeah, because it's not like, oh, the CISCA method.

It's not like, oh, every time they see a theatrical movie with Ted Denson, they get crazy and murder people. Because that doesn't happen very often. That would be fine. You'd be like, you know what? We're going to be cool without, we'll ride, ride that out. Getting horny, what, every morning this kid's just trashing it through. Every morning, every few, like, I mean. Yeah.

Like, you're just horny. Like, so I'm like, how does this work? Multiple times, it's multiple times a day these kids would be freaking. Oh, yeah. On the school bus, they're all riding for five seconds and start fucking ripping out the seats. Yeah. I was stimulated. God damn it.

Is literally every house on this island on fire all the time? Because if not, I don't believe it. Like, I just, it just doesn't make any sense to me. But you're right, Angelica. Is he good at his job? Because it seems like he is not. No, he's not. Like, that's the thing is I kind of think ultimately,

and that scene that you were talking about, Andrew, where they're in this surgery, it kind of says something to that is that he's like, well, I guess I just got to cut her brain open and then we'll figure it out from there. And the end of this, like, spoiler, at the end of this movie suggests that this essentially, like, becomes an MLM.

Like, fucking Nick Stahl is going to, like, bring this to all the other, like, schools of America. What is it? MLM. Like, he's going to pass it on to people. Like, yeah. Like, a pyramid scheme?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I see. But, yeah, so, like, whatever. And, like, in this scene, Nick Stahl realizes, uh-oh, my parents have turned me in. They want me to be next. And like, everyone's like, one of us, one of us. And because we was released in 1998 and not 1999, Nick Stahl pulls out a gun and is like,

I'm going to start shooting everybody. And I'm like, ah, that's 365 days early, folks. Yeah. You'll get there. School. But yeah, so like Nick Stahl is, they race out of the school and they're in some field or something and Nick Stahl tells Marsden he's like they're going to do it to me I'm going to go home I know all those blue ribbon sons of bitches are going to be there and when they see me and yeah he pulls out this gun he's going to just fucking totally annihilate his whole family and Marsden kind of like rassels with him and takes it's a weird it's a really bad scene because he rassels with him he takes the gun away and he's like have a good night man don't go kill

your family good night and just like walks away and that's the scene what happened to the gun what What do he do to the gun? Do he like? Great question. Chuck it. They should have a gun, you know, you got to kind of be careful with a weapon. They should have it at the Nuthouse later, you know? Like, it should come back in some way.

Dude, if you had a gun in the setting of that Nuthouse, the way it's designed and whatnot, it's a fucking Resident Evil movie. It was Resident Evil level. I'm not being insensitive. That is a Great A Nothouse. It's just a fake murder factory. I don't know what's going on in that place. But I will say to this. this movie's credit and to Nick Stahl's credit. He's good

in this scene like as an intense little kid actor, you know what I mean? Like he's he had some chops. I will say I like Nick Stahl as an actor even though personal problems be damned and weird head. But you know what I mean? Like he was a weird looking guy and gave weird looking performances. He knew what to do with it. You know what I mean? Like that's

I admire a guy with a weird head that does something with it. He's fantastic in the first 20 minutes of in the bedroom. Oh, in the bedroom. He's not around for the rest. Yeah. Yeah. He has a lot to do with what happens afterwards, but he's not in it. Instrumental, really.

Todd Field, can't wait to see Tar. Is that how old? Oh, Tar. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I've heard really good things about it. Movies. They can be fun sometimes. Every once in a while.

The next day, uh-oh, he combed his hair. What? Dun-dun-Dun. Can I tell you this exact, not the fucking microchip part, But this exact people turning and looking to someone changing their clothes happened in high school. When I was in high school, there were two dudes, Kevin, you're going to know who I'm talking about. I'm not naming names. There were two dudes.

They were like serious like metal head guys. And always with like the band t-shirts and the torn jeans and the long hair and whatnot. And then like one day as a gag, they were like, watch this. Watch how fucking funny this is going to be. And they came to school with like haircuts and old Navy on and all. this shit. And the fuck in the school, like they were walking down the hallway and all these people were looking like, what did they? Are they coming

from a funeral? What happened? Yeah. And these people were gobsmacked. They walked in and weirdly kiss me, started playing over the intercom. Oh my God. And it just was, everybody was just stunned. Yeah, life is a movie, dude.

But, and then like James Marsden then starts trying to, he breaks a chair over someone's back, kind of for no reason. Dude, that is fucking great because, like, all the blue ribbons, for whatever reason, like, clear out the cafeteria. Yes. And, like, they, they're all standing guard by the doors or whatever. And I think because James Marsden is just like, ah, they're going to kick my ass.

So fight or flight. And yeah, he just stone cold Steve Austin breaks a chair over this guy's fucking head. It's awesome. And, you know what, you, V, you got to get in here. Because, like, at a certain point, at a certain point, like, both Rachel, you know, Katie. Holmes and UV are like kind of held back. I'm like yeah dude but you're you got your buddy's getting like

this shit kicked out of him. It's tossed around by one of the jocks. He does. Yeah. The UV dude, you know, I mean if he gets hit too hard he's going to explode into a cloud of talcum powder. That's what's going to say. Have you ever seen what happens to cotton candy when you put it in water? That's what's

going to happen to UV if you put him in a fight. Surprise there's no scenes talking about UV's condition or what's going on. I do wonder. Well, considering the actor, the actor is not, you know, he doesn't look like that. No, not at all. So like, they dyed his hair and they put white powder on his face.

It's a choice for the character. So it's got to be something. Because what are you doing otherwise? The only thing that it makes, not even sense, but like, it makes him somewhat immune to the charms of the Blue Ribbon Society. Because I think like, Nick Stahl's like, well, they won't even go after you. so like that's the idea because I guess because he's right different to that two different I guess yeah

question mark they beat the ever loving shit out of him and then Nick Stahl kicks him a couple times by the way goodbye to the movie Nick Stahl he's been an enormous character and then like we have this fucking get you next time gadget ending but that like from now

until then he's out of the movie and it's crazy that guy was a huge character he was almost the protagonist to be honest I mean it was open with him watching this whole go down and then James Marsden shows up which I understand the camera's like hey hello let's go to this guy

I mean I do think though I think what the thing with that was I think this is a cut thing too because the way that he talks to Marsden it almost makes it seem like he's faking it that's what I was just about to say I thought for a second he was faking

pretending he got this shit done and he was on the inside or some shit and I was like oh no that's absolutely not I thought the same exact thing and that would be interesting. It would just happen to be interesting. Yeah, yeah. But he's out. He's gone.

And yet we do get the very unfortunate very ill-placed Chug wants to rape Katie Holmes. And it's you know what, Chug, go to some other movie. We got out of this shit going on here. How far it gets? He's manhandling

her boobs. Yeah. There's definitely a photographed squeeze right there, which I could not believe was happening. Yeah. I mean, there's your R rating. There's groping happening. Just wait a couple years. The rules of attraction's

going to come out eventually. You can do whatever you want in that. But yes, in this movie, we've got enough going on, but then William Sadler breaks it up with the supersonic thing and they're like, say. But Nick Stahl left her a CD and it's like,

if you ever cut yourself in a horror trilogy, this is what happens or whatever. Nonsense. Which is fucking two years before Scream 3 did it, by the way. Just put that out there. But all this really tells us in that CD. Correct me of him wrong. He's just like, hey, guys, yeah, mind control. And something like that. Anyway, if I'm gone, whatever. It is incredibly unhelpful once the video finishes. Yeah. You're totally right. I thought the same thing. Like, oh, you know, I found a like a real clue. Fucking do something movie.

Detective. Detective work I think you want. Yes, I do. I want Batman to be in this movie. He does say something, something, this whatever institute. And they're like, it's just over the bay, let's go. Oh, sure. Yeah, this is a really unfortunate situation. Yeah, it's full blown only in the movie's nut house. Yes, thank you.

As someone who has been in mental hospitals more than once, they're terrible, but they're not doing Resident Evil level, super gross looks like like the pain is peeling I almost thought it was like a deserted hospital for a second that you would think

because like everyone's just to their own devices some guys like bleeding in the bathroom and I'm like is anyone to check on him well just like how the rest of the surrounding movie doesn't have like the presence of parents

yes of any kind this fucking hospital has really no presence of doctors nurses secure. There's kind of a shot of security, but they are fucking cold on the trail. They're very cold. And they're very cold. Right? We don't really get them getting into this place. They're just suddenly in it. They walk in. They walk in. There needs to be more. There needs to be more to

this. They don't know what they're looking for. It doesn't make sense. And they find whatever, Caldecott, Bruce Greenwood's daughter, who is Joss Whedon, Craigs. which is a very specific kind of crazy which is you say one thing elliptical over and over again and it's like I am poetic and brunette and kind of skinny oh my God Josh Whedon would have loved me

exactly I'm so crazy I say the same thing over and over oh my goodness meet the musical little creatures who hide amongst the flowers or something Josh Whedon crazy man meet the musical little creatures who hide among the flowers meet the musical little

creatures who hide among the flowers Eric, Eric, but she's a very important character because she's about to get punched, you understand. She gets not clean out. Because that's the funny thing about this, too. Max's girl of teeth, man, it is really something. All the mentally impaired people are zombies who are like attracted to the noise of this

and is going to give them up because all these people are running at her because she's singing, the one person's singing. They smell meat. They smell meat, Eric, don't you know? Much like in a zombie movie, man. You don't want to make too much noise, what with possibly attracting the other zombies in the movie.

But they punch her out and they look at her arm band, like Caldecott. It's his daughter. You want to leave the mental institution? Yeah, let's get out of here. Let's leave. To paranoia, paranoia. Yep. It's even worse, Chris, because you're right.

And I love that Harvey Danger song. It's the peep song, one of my favorite shows, period. It's a fun song, I got to say. It's a fun song. and but they even cut into the song itself because it's like that song has peaks and valleys

and they play like three valleys three peaks in a row like and it's like chop part much like the film itself the song is chopped to shit MGM was like this this song needs to be cut up it's like the

when Homer's watching Blue Oyster Coulton is like get to the work and overtime part Bachman Turner excuse me Buckman Turner overdrive Apologies, please. Please, Stephen. At one point,

I think it happens before, but who cares? It is a ridiculous scene, so I do want to talk about it. James Marsden walks home, and it's like the middle of the night, the parents are fucking gone again, and this bo-b-b-b-b-b-b-babe is just in the house. Lorna, who we've met previously, Nick Stahl had a crush on her. You know, she's one of the blue ribbon ladies.

She walks by Nick Stahl. Nick Stahl meant fucking James Marson five seconds ago. That's Lorna Robinson. the focus of all of my masturbatory fantasies. And I'm like, dude, I just met you. I don't need to know who you're jerking off. Totally. If I don't know where you live, your favorite movie,

or how many siblings you have, I cannot then know what you jerk off to. I can't do it. I need more information about a person. I don't want to know that from anybody. I don't want to know that for anybody. my friends? Like, I don't care how much I know. Don't tell me that.

But so, yeah, she's at his house in a sexy schoolgirl uniform. This is very 1998. It's giving me a varsity blues vibes. Yeah. I thought she was going to go get some whipped cream there for a moment. Something for the dads. Oh, yeah. Teen girls are... Listen, guys, I'm just saying teen girls are sexy. They wear little schoolgirl uniforms

and they're sexy. That's what this movie is telling Angelica has her jaw on the floor and I'm okay with that why you call me out like the parents have to take the kids

to the R-rated movie to see this and the dads there's like oh finally a little bit of piece of movie for me I mean maybe I shouldn't have my jaw on the floor because this woman looks like she's 32 that's a good point she got held back a few years

and that's why they had the blue ribboner so she could finally graduate I see got it we wouldn't normally say that she's a candidate. However, we need to get her out of this high school. But she starts, like, getting all fucking horned up because she's

watching James Marsden sexily drink a Coca-Cola, which I thought was pretty great. And she starts having... This is a full-on Stepford Wives malfunction. Yes. Where she's just like, wrong, bad, wrong, bad. And she starts, like, smashing her face against a mirror. Like, it's a whole thing.

These would be the one and a half tits, by the way. Yes. Yeah, yes. What's that about? breast there? Well, you get the one and a half. Oh, yes. You get the one and a half. Yeah, because he's like, go home, Lorna. Go home. And she's like, all right. But I got to take a wicked piss first. Can I go to the bathroom? I wish. I wish so bad. She had said that. You don't

if she's like, God, I've been holding it in like a camel. And I just, this thing's going to burst. If you would just let me do this and then just comes out with their tits out. Me and your sister would just ate like fucking two candelopes. I really got a picture. did anyone read this scene? I thought she was beating herself up here to be like

he tried to rape me kind of thing. I thought it was going to go in that direction. That was the most problem, yeah. I feel like that would actually make sense too because then the blue ribbon could have something on him, get him into some actual trouble. Maybe the police could actually do anything in this movie. It makes sense for the tempo where it's going

and where it's always been. But also, we can't add in, we haven't finished anything else on the plate. We cannot now order a a calzone on top of it. Like, you just, you can't do it. Like, we're still trying to figure out everything else. The stupid scene

ends on a joke instead, though, because she's all like, because of the mirror smashing, you know, she's all banged up and whatnot, and she's barely clothed what with getting turned on from the Coca-Cola consumption. They had to show them white-ass panty she was wearing. I saw that. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yep. And it's just like, she goes, what does he say? She's like, oh, I have to go home now. I have a physics test tomorrow. And it's like, oh, all right. I mean, I said that it was a joke. I don't even know if it's a joke. I think it's just a thing they had a human being say. And then she walked out of door. And that's it. The scene needed to end. The scene needed to end. So they were like, okay, that was an ending. We can go on. Rails back. You want to go to the gas station next buddy or what? Oh, man. Yeah. The one thing, the one thing, Bruce Greenwood does say when he's She goes to the hospital That's the whole thing we talked about But he does say like Man, every time one of these kids gets a heart on They try to beat somebody to death with it

I'm like yeah dude Maybe stop implanting these chips But yeah So they go to the gas station And there's a town has a curfew Which is very ill-defined as well So he's like And it's news to the movie

Until this fucking scene We never mentioned this fucking town curfew And then Steve Railsback pulls up and looks at the camera and he's like, what are you doing here? Don't you know the town has a curfew? And I go, no, Steve Railsback, because the movie didn't fucking tell me that. And then the gas station attendant's also like, oh yeah, I am also under some weird contract with somebody who is bigger than me.

I will also close down my business now. I don't want to explain any of this, but goodbye movie. And then fucking, of course, the, God damn it, what's his name? Sadler shows. Sadler Saddler comes back with the dead rats and saves them. He beats Rails back to death. He smashes him in the back of the head with

I guess one of his rat devices. Yeah. And it tells them to get out of there. Because Rails back at this moment, like any fucking police officer in the United States of America, is putting two people in the back of a car without telling them why or having any real reason. He's just doing

it to throw around his authority. And then, yeah, A rap boy janitor's had enough of that. He says, I don't know, fascist. And hits him over the head. That was my impression of his accent that he's doing there. It's a little something like this. It's so bad and all over the place.

It's sewer, I think, is the accent. Yeah. It needs like a couple of just dollops of Renfield in there. Like just Igor even, like these little tiny little signs there. But incredible. Oh, you know what I was just realizing? could have been interesting as well. I mean, we've had a few angles on this character

of what we could have done, but he could have been like a failed experiment with the, like the daughter, you know? And he's like, well, he's good enough to mop around. But he's doing it in secret to get his revenge. Lying and wait. We go to James Marsden goes home because he wants to get his sister

and like confront his parents. And like there's a pamphlet there or something. And this is like kind of an I want, I don't want your life scene as well as we get a varsity blues. Yes. Oh, yeah. Because it's like, what about what I want? Mom and Dad. And never again, or we talk about Ethan Embry or any of that stuff.

That's just not in the scene. No. And it's sort of, are they also sort of saying here that they're going to do, they want to do the procedure on the sister too? Yeah. They're teasing it. They're setting it up. But he, Marsden, definitely fucking clocks Bruce Greenwood,

right in the teeth here, which is pretty funny. He punches him right out. And, you know, they escape. the house or whatever. But that's when you realize, like, Bruce Greenwood, of course, like, he hasn't had this treatment. Like, you could just beat the shit out of this old guy. Come on. Sure. And then we get the, uh, they get outside and the, the children of the corn are up. Like, all of them are all like failings out around the house. And like, there's like, nobody, like, did the parents not look outside and be like, well, that's weird.

Yes. Exactly. Uh, boy, I didn't. Why are, do you kids need a, drink or anything, a lemonade, or what's going on? If the sister started stripping here, got them all horny, then the horny army can maybe descend upon their creator,

right? Yeah, yeah. If you got that information from Greenwood in a previous scene, yeah, that would be knockout. But you're right, the parents aren't just like so is it a gang that he's joining or what's going on here, Bruce? What kind of deal do you give me here, Bruce Greenwood?

Hey, Bruce Greenwood, you know, I'm looking outside the study window and I'm seeing a gaggle of kids fucking curb stomping my boy he is getting dog walked bitch damn I was like

all part of the procedure ma'am don't worry about it it's fine instead of anesthesia they beat your kid yeah well we got tender tenderize his face before we you know insert something into his eye socket listen you said you wanted an A student

this is how you get an A student okay I know he's going to be minus. What is like the long-term goals with this, though? That's a big problem because it's like, okay, so they're good at not really anything. I guess being students and doing blood drives and cookie sales and whatever the fuck else. But then like, how is that going to translate into adulthood? Are they going to get into politics or like, you know, that sort of shit? Sadler does have some line to that point, Angelica, where he,

He says something like, oh, yeah, like, if these kids get off the island, you know, and then it literally, he trails off. And I was like, what? What? What will happen if they get off the island? He says, quote, you know, like, we can't have these shitbirds graduating and going off into the world. That's what. Yeah. But like, because, I mean, honestly, they have the violence problem.

That's not good. But what else? Yeah. They're not vampires. It would be nice if they were. You know, there needs to be a scene where someone goes into Bruce Greenwood's office or maybe it's an egg principal's office and there's just a big binder that just says, the real plan.

Someone fucking just thumbs through that really quickly and we know whatever Bruce Greenwood's final deal is. That would be great. It's crazy. I would even go for James Marsden voiceover at this point. Help me out. Oh yeah. From the past, that'd be great.

but they knock him out and they knock they've gotten Katie home somewhere else and they are now in the other nut house that is like not clean very specifically fucking the corners are like running with grime so they take them back to the off island

it's a different it's a facility whatever the it's a second grime laboratory that he has you don't want to clean laboratory at all A number one. It's the one thing you don't want. Definitely not. It actually helps the experiments. A more dirty, more

dirt helps experiments. The procedure is something hot, the chip goes it hot into your eyeball and while we get like you know, clockwork R&G stuff going on. Oh, do we ever have clockwork shit man? Somebody had a case here. Like, what are you doing?

I think that was just like the whole 90s because the 90s loved this little thing of strapping someone down and showing them. Yeah. I saw so much clockwork during this movie

because I was looking at my watch. I was like, when is this movie ending? I know it's only like 84 minutes, but man, does it feel longer? And he cuts,

he grabbed a scalpel on the way in. He cuts his bandages and then some random scientists is like, oh, can I help you? And he just stabs him in the dishes.

Like, so we're murdering scientists? This is a total recall escape. He's pulling. it really is because what he stabs him with is the part of the armrest that's like still tied to his arm he pulls it out of the chair

and so there's like a like a pole sticking out of it and that's what he jams into that science which I think is what literally happens in total recall I'm trying to I rewatched it recently I can't remember but it is a total recallesque chair escape he saves Kitty Holmes and

uh oh chug is still in the movie everybody Angelica's favorite character Chug. Yeah. It was great when they made that Terminator reference here because like when Chug comes on the screen, they put some of the score in, but it was just like,

Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug. Chug, Chug. I would like that. But I mean, Angelica, you must like this scene, though. I mean, he gets walloped and blood comes busting out of his brain. It's pretty good. It's funny that scene is very much framed as like, yeah, that's right, Katie Holmes.

Yeah. Get that dude. And it's like, yeah, you get that piece of shit Because what's the book is this dude? Like he was, I feel like it just like Whatever this surgery did, it just made him worse. Whatever was latent, it just like came to the surface. Something tells me Chugg's parents were kind of putting some money in

Bruce Greenwood's pocket there because it doesn't seem like Chug would have been a good candidate. I also, if I'm getting surgery on my poor boy Chug here, I'm like, yo, can we stop calling him chug now? That's half of the reason I'm getting the surgery. I named him Chauncey for a reason, okay? That was your first mistake, Mrs. Chugg. Don't call me Mrs. Chugg. That's my daughter-in-law.

Oh, Mama Chugg. But so he's dead. And then you're like, at least last night, I was like, oh, so we're killing these kids? And oh, are we killing these kids, folks? are we ever who and why i guess why not yes i mean so they they bust out of the of the second the second crime lab uh and they uh are going down the road and there's a big like line of the blue ribbon squad with greenwood at the head like the professor x of these shitty x men and uh who are all the same it's like literally an x men where they're all the fucking same uh

And they're, I mean, they're about to be overtaken before William Soutler shows up, right? Yeah, because they're in the truck with what's his face there, UV. Yes. And the sister. The sister's now part of it. It's being a clockwork, we've got to ticking clock now because we've got to get to the ferry before it leaves to the mainland. Yes, that's true. And they're about to get caught and what's his face?

Yeah, William Sattler comes in really clips Bruce. Greenwood with this car. It's a good one. This was like some fucking dumb Torreto shit dude because he jerks that wheel and like the back part of the car just like shoots out and just clips them. So perfectly done.

Bruce Greenwood does not have a hip anymore. Whatever. He might survive that hip but he is not walking right for a long time. But as he's driving into him Greenwood gets a couple of shots off. And yeah, this is the scene where like the other kids

are about these like you guys Mars like you guys go without me I got a chick on the janitor and now it becomes a motorcycle movie out of nowhere like James Marsden gets on this motorcycle and it's doing like tricks yeah dude it's insane there hasn't been a motorcycle

in this entire movie you cannot introduce a mystery motorcycle in the last five to seven minutes of your movie you can't do it no that would be funny if that was the thing him and Ethan Embry did together you know and that could have been something dude right like there was a flashback scene where he's teaching him how to do like motocross jumps or something that would be nice and silly but instead he is just without ever once mentioning a motorcycle in this movie before right this character is riding this thing like he's in the fucking x games the brother the brother should have died in a motorcycle accident oh yeah oh that could have also been something yeah literally anything but uh He catches up to

Sanderson, Sadler, rather. And he's like, we got to go. Can't we save these kids? And he's like, no, we can't. And I'm like, who are any of you to make this decision? Good enough for me, janitor. Let's kill all these kids. And he's like, and you can't save me neither

because he's been shot in the chest. He's like, if I'm going to die, I'm going to take out like 25 kids with me. Absolutely. Sorry. And it's so funny when they go over eventually. he's got his rat car now it's got like the sound machine all over the rat car and it's

he's doing a Pied Piper thing he's getting all these rats together to follow him well and like the last fucking children the last subscriber to the last subscriber to Rand Paul's newsletter he screams out hey teacher leave those kids

alone and fucking rockets himself you know that'd be great if like maybe Bruce Greenwood would was a teacher or an administrator at all? He's dying. Last words, classic rock.

That's the move. Absolutely. But it is hilarious. I want to hold your head. But then shot, that little cartoon of all the kids like on his car, like, because they're jumping on the hood and shit,

because they're so beckoned by the music and he just drives off this cliff. It's a fun shot. This ending is kind of, fun. I got a set. It is. It's fucking hilarious. And you know what it reminded me of with them all like maniacally crawling on it like that? It reminded me of how they make the zombies look in World War Z. Because it's just like a tidal wave of human bodies jump on this car. And oh man, all of them plummeting fucking chef's kiss. And now Bruce Greenwood's like, I'm still in the movie. And I'm

like, now would be a great time for a parlor scene. But no, it's just a fight. Yeah. Just tell me, what's your master plan? What is the end game? Why did you start this? What is going on? Yep. Any of that. Like, this is the time to do it.

Because also Bruce Greenwood, you just got hilariously clipped by that car. Your fucking pelvis is dust. You might need a breather here, man. Why don't you take a few? Sit on a log. Tell us about everything that you were doing. Instead of that, I think he's got some,

I think he says like science has God at some point. Because I think we were kind of leaning into that like, oh, you know, science and technology. That was a boogeyman in the 90s. Oh, yeah, for sure. It's still a boogeyman for a lot of people these days. That's true. That's true.

A lot of, uh, yeah. We haven't talked enough about the mustache. It's really beautiful. Oh, my. It's a really good looking. It's really well coiffed. Well, yeah. And he's lean.

He's looking great. He sort of looks like a little like Pierce bras ain't a little bit. Yes. Because he, that was his. Excellent. No, wait, hang on. I got it. I got it.

Oh, here. It's not Pierce Brosnan. He's Pierce Brosnan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He, but that was Bruce Greenwood's career in the 90s. He was like everybody else passed. Here's Bruce Greenwood. But then he kind of got a little gruffer as he got older.

And then he became gruff guy Bruce Greenwood, who we love. Oh, yeah. It's fantastic. Yeah, he's great. Gruff guy character actor. And yes, he, Angelica, what is the line he says, James Morrison says before he kicks him off the thing for no reason. for no reason. Be the ball.

Thank you. There it is. No one played any sports in this movie. Be the ball. Deleted scene of him and his brother watching Caddyshack a lot. Yeah, I was really confused by the ball thing.

I was like, is there is some scene? I flashed out. There is another, there is another Blinking You Misset Use of Be the Ball. I think from Bruce Greenwood, it's in maybe the scene

at the house when he gets punched in the stomach by Marsden sure it's something where it's like you know I'm gonna teach you to you know be good at school be a good son be the but you know

it's in there somewhere so it's a thing that Greenwood says somewhere in the movie and he's using it as like a hey fuck you sure and kicks him in the face but it's really whack it's done it's not badass at all

I'm not supporting it you know I'm just trying to lay out what they may have been thinking they were doing, you know, successfully. They're not successful. Also, the editing right here in this fucking fight. It's so bad. It's insane because there's one part where like, there's a little bit of the two of them tussle

and then it cuts to Marsden like on the ground and he goes to get up and Bruce Greenwood like grabs his leg from over the cliff and I was like, when did Bruce Greenwood fall off the cliff? Yeah, I was so confused. I was so confused. I had to play it back again. I was like, wait. I looked down. No. Did the test audience not like the fight?

Got to keep it moving. This fight's too coherent. Really wild to hear about the production of a movie where there were so much like, oh, my God. Well, two people in the 300 that were in that auditorium had a problem with whatever. You know, let's go change. Let's spend thousands of dollars to change it because fucking two idiots had a problem with something. Yeah. But the fall is pretty cool.

the fall is pretty good It's fun He goes right over It's awesome Oh yeah Oh hell yeah Man And a good stream

With the fall is important Yes Whatever they use I can't tell What's going on here With the body Because I think it's a dummy Because these

The limbs In that shot Are dangling In a really weird way When he goes over Like you almost folds Like you're trying to fit A corpse

Into a fucking Tiny case or something It's weird You know he's going to be one, so he's just trying to get all together for it. Let me fold myself up now so they can put my body in a little steamer trunk. And

we're doing motocross stunts here, guys. It's cool. One more mission impossible scene to get to the with the ferry to get off the island. Let me tell you something. Somebody speeds up to a ferry port like this

goes over like a ramp and crashes their motorcycle onto this ferry. Guess what? that boat's backing up that boat's backing up you're getting fucking kicked off and probably arrested I'm sorry

this happens all the time Freddie don't worry no it's the island they just when people want to go they want to go buddy what can I tell you yeah we've had like

one of these every week with a motorcycle and Katie Holmes goes up to it's like well what do we do now and it's like we go home oh it's like well where's home

wherever we want it to be we're all teenage runaways with no money and it's going to work out great for us. You know what? You know what? Everybody's so negative.

I'm happy. You know what? I hope in 15 years these four kids, they're running a very nice polycule out in Portland, Oregon. Sure. They're having the time. They're working on a nice coffee shop slash bookstore.

Maybe they run it. Who knows? Maybe they do the books. Oh, that's good for them. But that is literally to be like the best case scenario. Otherwise, they're just going insane. and like or being killed by Bruce Green's

dead in a ditch dude Bruce Greenwood's funders whoever's funding Bruce Greenwood clearly he does not have this money because it's so uneven like you need an uncle it's like no we could go with my Uncle Robbie in Chicago you know he calls early

he's like if ever I need anything you can come by and live here with as many Albido kids as you want or whatever he wants to say you know like something sure you can come and live with me you your little girlfriend your weird pale friend

And, yeah, you can all come. So wait. So I assume your parents are dead. They're not dead. So you're just leaving your parents. What is happening there? What the fuck is that? Also, not to be rude, but also, Katie Holmes's parents weren't even in on it.

No, what is that? Well, you know what? Her family life, those people don't mean anything because the movie is very pointedly like, look at this fucking trailer trash yeah it's like when your own friend is like calling introducing you to James Marsden as quote unquote trash

is like damn it's the fuck yeah it's supremely fucked up and the movie's like yeah well her home life is meaningless because she lives in a trailer so she could just leave and it's just and so like they're getting married I guess I don't know it's like don't do that

that's terrible idea awful the absolute word I feel like we didn't exaggerate anything Like there's so much missing from this movie If you folks watched it You probably know If you want a stinger scene ending It's something that ties some of these loose ends

Not like because you Nick Stahl tested well And you put him in this And I mean like this dangerous minds horseshit We're doing with the school No thank you No thank you It's so racist right

It's like three black people in the movie and they've just been around and they've had three lines between them, that's fine and then all of a sudden it's an urban high school. It's a bad school. Just look around. That's what they're treating this as. Well, that's what it is

because all of a sudden it cuts to a classroom where you just hear fucking rap music coming from a diogenically placed boombox in the room and every fucking student is a person of color. And then it's like the principal walks in, black guy there. And I'm like okay movie, you're really.

really horribly layered on here. Because now I guess we're going to use this program to make them better, if you know what I mean, right? Which is like, uh... Yeah, and Nick Stahl being like, what, a 17-year-old teacher now? What is going on with this?

That's the weird thing where this fucking, like the teacher or the principal, whatever this guy is comes in and he's like, all right, everybody, there's a new student teacher today, and you're not going to give this guy anymore shit. You're going to have respect for your new student teacher. And I was like,

what? They would fucking fold this kid like a slice of pizza band like no way. I don't know. Horny strength or no, nothing is going, this plan is dying on the vine. It's just fucked. It's so fucked. I'm sorry. That should be the

stinger is they all beat the fuck out of that. That'd be fantastic. You want me to be part of a blue ribbon what? His fucking Terminator eye goes off at the end of the movie. They should have cut to some kid like, hey, I think that guy's like a robot or something let's get it yeah what did sir what happened to your eye what the

fuck was that like class in 1999 or something in here yeah and like it's not even a sequel setup it's it continues it's it's not a sequel set up yeah it is in the vein and this is an excellent movie and this movie is not but it's kind of doing like donald sutherland's an alien at the end of invasion of the bodies sure you know what i mean it's it's that kind of like uh oh oh because they're also, boy, it's dumb. They are doing the, like, the cameras following him, walk into the classroom, but you don't see his face. And I'm like, oh, man.

They say the stupidest thing I bet. This is like, it's an unforced error. They literally just throw it in there. They're like, some kid looks at him. He's like, what's he doing here? And I'm like, they know who he is. What the fuck is? What is going on at all?

that kid was a huge in the bedroom head okay he thought last week is that Nick Stahl holy shit someone tell Hollywood I found Nick Stahl he's posing as a student teacher I found him did any of you guys watch all the way

to the end end credits oh no did I miss something oh no just there's a mute you have the the Josh Whedon girl just the voice going you know meet the musical creatures like just repeating

just a little like spooky thing for the end of the not spooky movie exactly it's very weird like the score turns to like music box kind of eerie shit too really pathetic really awful there's a tinkly exorcist omen vibe to a lot of the

score like the yeah all over it and uh yeah nothing good the other thing by the way to put a fucking bullet in this movie head. Please do. Like, Nick Stahl

like fucking turns around, you know, and it freeze frames. It freeze frames on the reveal. Are you kidding me? And the flies start playing again. The eerie song, which is not eerie at all,

which is the flies got your one. Yeah. Yep. Brno, no, no, no, like, all right. That's not cool. It's not. Well, like, the things you use freeze frames for.

a moment of comedy, a moment of like celebration to end on some sort of funny like black outline. None of those things are here. It just literally stops. Like the movie just stops. And I am thankful for that. It's tired. It's tired. It was like, okay, we're done, right? The movie needs to sit down for a while. Oh my God. But yeah, that is the end of this movie blissfully. Recommendations and final thoughts. Angelica will start with you as our this week? I'm so sorry I did this to y'all. I'm sorry for what I did. I'm going to suggest something though. I'm just saying yeah, don't watch this y'all. Like you're there's certain artifacts of oh, I say artifacts of the 90s. Actually, why did I say that? But there's certain, you know,

culture, just cultural dynamics and fashion and whatever the 90s that comes in and out of style again. But this is something that will never be inside because there's nothing to this. This is like a not movie. It's like a fake movie almost. It doesn't even feel real sometimes. And I wasn't even high when I watched it. That's how you know it's really fucked up.

So I have a piece offering. I'm going to suggest it doesn't have to be this spooktacular or next spooktacular or even in the spooktacular. but if you guys do an episode on the craft and I'm not on it I am going to consider that a slight as you should that's a great call we'll definitely have to do that

sometime I rewatched it last year actually I haven't done a rewatch in a couple years but you know I really you know that's one of those where I was like oh little angelica You were right You were

You were so right But this again was one Where it's like Oh no Angelica Why were you watching this so much Like I think I've seen this movie Maybe like five or six times

Wow This is my first time somehow And I don't even know why I'm like I'm like Was it really just James Mars? I think it was a good reason Look it's a good reason

The man is good looking. You know what? I make fun of like dudes when they're like reviewing movies and I'm like, you don't like this fucking movie. You don't like this fucking performance. You want to fuck this person and I'm not an idiot. Sure. Is that the blonde reviews that you've been reading? I mean, honestly.

Anyway, but you know, I can be honest. sometimes you just want to like watch a hot person walk across the screen even if they're wearing ugly ass fucking late 90s clothing like woo woo woo ooh not a good look so don't watch this live your lives in a better more holistic fashion y'all like we only have one life you know that's very true Chris Cabin

it's a good message Angelica and I will also say live your life do not watch this movie you do not have to watch this movie it is just like as it seems an attempt to cash in on scream it's essentially body snatchers slash stepford wives version of scream uh and uh it's it's terrible even james beautiful james marsden uh even that can't really save it to me i will i will say if you're going to watch it watch it with subtitles because there are little tiny things that i found really funny such as when the blue uh blue ribbon guys come to hang out. They're playing a song on the radio that's just literally a guy saying

do do do do do da da da and the subtitles actually just put do do do do da do all over my screen. So that was nice. That was entertaining. The movie itself is not. Eric Sisko. Oh, yeah. No, this movie is trash despite James Marsden being a hot, juicy piece of ass. You do like seeing him walk across the screen. But I mean, I think, Angelica, you said it well. And it just doesn't feel like a movie. There's just, it's like, it feels like you're watching a movie and you keep leaving the room and coming back, but you haven't. That is so perfect.

Yeah. So it's not a recommend for me. Steve. Yeah, similarly, I'm not going to beat that analogy. Perfect. I am also really forgiving of teen movies in general. specifically teen movies of this era and I was shocked

and I kind of had a I didn't like this movie growing I probably saw it once or twice I remember really like he had Nick since it's fucking hilarious with William Sandler going to that I could tell you Pete for Pete that kept with me so like I

I was really surprised and disappointed by how inept and unfinished and bad this movie was so yes even being so forgiving of late 90s teen movies this shit ain't it chief keep look at someplace else Yeah, I too am very forgiving

of, you know, late 90s, teen stuff. And I feel like, and I'm not saying it would be an across the board or audiences would respond well at all. I just think for me personally, if I saw that 118 minute cut, I think that I would feel it's like a service of old teen shitty thriller.

But this, it just, it's not a movie. It doesn't feel like a movie. And I would say if you want two entertaining and current examples of how well James Marsden is held up over the years. Him on Dead to Me, I think, is truly great. And him in those Sonic movies, he's in the first one more than the second one,

because the second one's way more like we're just doing the computer characters. But that first movie, he's fucking funny in it, man. And you get to see him doing some comedy in 2020, I guess 21 when the movie came out. But, you know, totally serviceable. And he's still fucking handsome as hell, I have to say. They're looking good. But that is going to do it for our convoy here. on this shitty-ass motion picture

disturbing behavior Angelica thanks for suggesting it to us of course and we are always psyched of course to have our good friend back on the program open invite whenever you want to come back

but hey you know plug where folks can find you and whatnot on the internet that is your work specifically not weirdos not in person on the internet in my home

what's your address what's your address right no all your great writing that you do weekend and week out. Oh, yes, I do. I do right. Yeah, so you can basically just find me at Vulture and in the pages of New York Magazine. That's where I have my staff job as a critic, where I mostly write just about film and television and, I don't know, I have a grand old time doing it. You can find me on Twitter talking bullshit at Angelica Bastien, and I have a newsletter.

that is easy to find and very rarely updated. But when I do update it, it's updated with love. It's good stuff when you update it. I like reading your newsletter. Oh, you're sweet. Thank you. But, you know, for more We Hate Movies content, of course, check out patreon.com slash we hate movies.

We have ourselves a We Love Movies episode on Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers. It's a good episode, y'all. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We just put out this week the Melrode drop, so that is out ready to rock and roll for you folks. And Eric, who are we talking about on that gleep gloss? No, the excited.

I love how I keep plugging this this month because no one could care or even know what this is. We quay. So, yes, it's a basically the episode is me yelling at Chris Cabin for the 20 minutes or so. If you can believe it. Yeah. Could you imagine? Doing a really special voice that you're all going to really love. Don't give it away.

Yes, there's a, I, I, I, it's. view a new impression, which is a very good impression. So excited. I'm glad you are. You're not going to be. It's going to haunt your nightmares. Oh, God. I'm scared.

I'm scared. But here on the free feed, of course, next Tuesday, the show continues. Steve, what are we talking about then? It's the spooktacular, ladies and gentlemen. Hell yeah. Finally coming up and we're going to Franchise Town each and every week. Oh, yeah. And we are a big one.

starting with Hellraiser Bloodline. Oh. The lines with an ass. Bloodline, I think. Is this the bloodline here? Is this outer space or is this the internet? Oh, yeah. Outer space.

Outer space. Exciting. Royal Adam Scott. You're going to be just here and be in heaven. What are these hell race? I mean, I'm such a big fan of the first one. The second one I have a soft spot for. And then I'm, and then there's like, then I just don't know what

I just don't even know. What happens after that is they just start taking scripts that they were receiving and repurposing them to make them Hellraiser movies. So as you watch those sequels go on, including the one we're going to talk about, really. Well, no, this one's actually still pretty keyed in. But a lot of it is just like a horror movie is happening and then fucking Pinhead shows up with his buddies. You know, and I love Pinhead. You know, he gives you style.

He will give you an entrance, okay? Oh, definitely. Quite a showman. I love a stunt point. You know what I mean? Absolutely. Hell yeah. Love you, Pinhead.

So until next week when we show our love for Pinhead, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Say that. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Angelica Jade Bastion. Take it easy. That was a hate-gum podcast.