We Hate Movies - S13 Ep635: Hellraiser: Bloodline

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

On this episode, the 2022 Halloween Spooktacular kicks into high gear as the gang chats about the ridiculous sequel, Hellraiser: Bloodline! Why bother with this terrible future-set framing device? Couldn’t we get a little more Adam Scott for our buck? And where in the HELL is Butterball!?! PLUS: Be sure you select the Demon-o’s Delivery Insurance when ordering all your demons and souls online! Hellraiser: Bloodline stars Bruce Ramsay, Valentina Vargas, Charlotte Chatton, Adam Scott, Kim Myers, Mickey Cottrell, Courtland Mead, Louis Mustillo, and Doug Bradley as Pinhead; directed by Kevin Yagher (as Alan Smithee). Catch the guys on the road this fall in the U.S.A. AND their Canadian debut in Toronto! Tickets on sale now! Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new MINGO!, WHAT IF Donna?, Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

this week on the program we have such stupid sequels to show you it's Hellraiser Bloodline I'm Andrew Jupin, Stephen Sadek Eric Siska Chris where's butterball cabin Not the first time you've asked that And we hate movies

We all go a little mad sometimes You know it's Halloween I guess everyone's a title of one good scare Sometimes, dead is better. Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in! It is time to keep your appointment with the wicker man. They're coming to get you, Barbara.

He's sick for fucks he's seen one too many movies. Now, Sid! Don't you blame the movies! Movies don't create psychos! Movies make sense. movies make psychos more creative What's a fucking emotion in the bad? It's an excellent day for an exorcism. Hello everyone, welcome to We Hey Movies.

Thank you for tuning in, as always, and welcome to the scary, scary start of the 2022 Halloween spooktacular. And this time we're in Franchise Town each and every week. We'll be in a majorish. Sorry, I was trying to jump scare the audience. We are kicking things off, of course, with the fourth installment in one of the worst franchises I've ever watched, the entirety of.

It is Hellraiser Bloodline from 1996, directed by technically Kevin Yeager, but we have ourselves, ladies and gentlemen, a real deal, honest goodness, Alan Smythe. Alan Smythe, my favorite director. I'm so happy to talk about him. I don't think I've ever seen one in the wild like this, because last night it starts and the credits are so bad. they're still like ba-ba-ba-ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And I was like, wow, this is cheap. It's going to be bad.

And then, like, you know, all these like no-named actors and Doug Bradley, woof. And there's the end-directed by Alan Smithy. I'm like, holy shit. Yeah, dude, real deal thing here. So this fella, Kevin Yeager,

he actually has quite a career as a makeup artist. Because as far as his directorial prowess goes, it's this movie and two episodes of Tales from the Crypt. Wow. That does make sense. Because the makeup of this is pretty, that's the one thing you would say is kind of interesting. Yeah, except that they did get a different makeup artist for this because they were like, yeah, Kevin's going to be busy directing the movie and he can't do all of it. I guess he helped with the fucking terrible centibite dog or whatever.

Oh, ew. But this dude actually some pretty interesting makeup work here, Friday the 13th, the final chapter. That was the first movie he ever worked on. Freddie Kruger sequels 2, 3, and 4, the Bill and Ted movies. Mission Impossible 2 face off Like this guy has had a career And also Directed Hellraiser Bloodlock

I think that he probably got That's a good director jail thing You fuck over a whole studio Because you just refused to do these reshoots Which I mean he was definitely on the right Well this is quite the vision he has here It just cries off the screen Well was there more to the vision

With stuff cut out that he was unhappy with I didn't really go through the trivia I figured Steve would be reading you know, print it all out, read it on the train. And to end. Yeah, I'm sitting next to Pete Campbell playing cards while reading the IMDB Tribune. Yes, read from this infinite just size

pile of paper you've got here. They're always larger with horror movies. It was 110 minute cut. There was a lot more French stuff, which makes a ton of sense. There is supposed to be like this is a great trivia bit where it's like, despite prominent features in

many sci-fi and horror mags, there are no, what does it call? no cenobites wearing the wigs yeah powdered wigs which I was like I would like to see that I would be nice

I think that there's an okay movie here that doesn't exist I think if you cut space out and just make it it's the it's the 1796 and 1996 and the building

and the French two is fine yes two storylines but there is the issue of it looking like fried garbage yeah just that is an issue that is hard to get by and it's not one of the things where like it's harsh because the stuff is hard though like for parts of it I guess but the rest of it is just overblown light and like it looks like shit yeah it's amateur town yeah but it's ambitious amateur town because 86 minutes and we have outer space the French back in the day and 1996 my favorite year I mean they're they're packing a lot of story in there I'll give them that the space station we start off looks like it's straight out a reboot.

Oh, yeah. Bad, bad space VFX here. But it feels like it could have been like a TV season or something, which is funny. We're doing this because the Hulu Hellraiser, I think it's officially called Hulu Hellraiser. Hulu Hellraiser, yeah. It's coming out.

I'm curious of where that's going to go. Are we going to go to a ladder space? It looks rad as far. I didn't see anything about it. I will watch it. I mean, I think the first Hellraiser is really good. Like an actual movie, yeah. Disturb, like truly disturbing horror movie.

Oh, yeah. And the second one's okay. And then the third one's okay. And then the third one. It sounds pretty bad, but fun. At least it's fun and there's a budget there. Sure. And we've got CD Centabyte.

This is just cheap trash acted by like literally really nobody. Did this, did this one get even into theaters? This is the last theatrically released Hellraiser motion picture. Oh no, you solved my lament configuration. I'm banned to DVD. Oh, no, forever spending eternity in the back wall of, Blackbuster. I must now become Hellraiser

Inferno. Banished to physical media. I mean, it does, I got to say, like this, Jason X looks better than this movie. Absolutely. It has just a better visual palette.

You can't bounce between space. Like, I think, like, if you kept it just French in 96, you're good, because then it's like, oh, wow, the timeline throughout the is jumping all the way to this insane space scenario. I'm like, what is going on? And is this the first one we're like following the bloodline of the toy maker?

That's correct. And if you wanted to do that, like you can do space on its own next time. Exactly. Eric, I'm sorry. It's Toy maker. Oh, toy maker. Which is said exactly 500 times in this movie. You're a heartbreaker, toy maker.

Or is that the stand's with my calzone. I guess the story of this is the start in space and we are following the merchant and or La Marchand family throughout the ages. La Marchand created the toy box. The set about the

Le Menn configuration in France. There's a bit in a lot in the 90s and a very bad tacked on by the way framing device in space. Oh, really? Entirety of space was tacked hot?

No, it's, I called this last night because one thing, this lead actor who is not very good, whatever his name is. Oh, here's the thing. It's hard enough getting good actors to play multiple roles, getting nobody to do it three times. Even when it's like, listen, dude, you are playing the same guy technically, but it's just like three areas of time. And this dude was like, got it. Made absolutely no attempt whatsoever to change these characters. Canada's own Bruce Ramsey. He,

if you watch the movie, the first scene or the first couple scenes, he's got like a buzz cut, right? Yeah, yeah. But in the reshoots, which is the framing device, what he sits down with,

Rimmer, which we'll get it to. Sure. And is like, oh, let me tell you my story. That, it's a bad, what do you call it, a taxi driver-esque skin cap with crap on top of it.

And you could spot this thing a mile away. Not to mention the wicky is wearing in the 1990s is so that's bad. That's bad. You can see the fucking glue dripping off his forehead with that wig. A couple of times he's like laying on bed, laying in bed with his wife and you can tell he's so like

keep it steady dude. Keep your neck steady this wig's going to pop off. I can feel it sliding off his head. Bruce, the wig Bruce. Are we need a wig check? Before we go, we're going to need a wig check yet fell on the floor again. The super glue this time. Not just the wet stuff. I want concrete.

That's why you hire a makeup guy to direct. He knows grab the fucking concrete there. Because I think it also would have been better. The original was in linear order. So there was no framing device. Yep. It would just go there. And then at the end, it's like, holy shit, it's space. I guess we're doing a cloud

Atlas kind of shit. I guess. That's one way to put it. This guy does just make you yearn for the gravitas of a Chad Lowe. Any other pretty boy that might have been able to struck with this. Well, the motherfucker from the last movie. The third one,

is what's his face from baby cakes, isn't it? Isn't Craig Sheffer the guy? Craig Sheffers in the next movie, actually. Oh, he's in the next movie, he's in whatever that one. Lord Almighty. You know, previous episode of Vent Horizon, I said on that, like, my God, this movie is great because it's a Hellraiser movie with actual actors in it. Yes, totally.

I think part of the reason this structure doesn't work and, like, the tact on this makes total sense is because this is essentially what happens. They get a bunch of military people are going on to, a space station. The space station Minos, might as well be called the garbage hole Minos, because there's just trash everywhere. The guy who is in charge of it, who designed

it, is the Marchand guy. Yes. The most recent Marchand, the new improved Marchand. Yeah, for 2172 or whatever this year is. We meet him and he's immediately like trapped pinhead and like

is facing off with him. And then all of a sudden it's like, wait. How about we talk to Rimmer? Yes. Why don't we talk about the French Revolution? I hate this shit where like space marines detain you. It always happens in this in outer space. All right.

So this is the first thing because I need to break this down because this makes no sense only because they don't tell you anything. Who are these people? Nope. Is it the space SWAT team? Why are they coming for this guy? It's vague alien-esque the company sent them. Man, we have the balls to do.

that? I didn't even fucking hear that line. I heard like the company wants this or the company wants that. That's what I heard. Because they hired Marchant to build the space station. I see. And so they're like looking up on their property. He has let everything go to pot. There is shit and piss all over this fucking space station. It looks like absolute hell. It looks like where Bob and all the other guys are hanging out in Twin Peaks in that burnt out room. But it has to look like Hell. So when Pinhead finally comes into the area, he's like, oh, okay, I haven't, I wasn't brought anywhere. This looks, looks like my house. Pretty good. This is like seventh ring of hell stuff. Not bad. They have all my favorite posters all over the wall, too. Ooh, alternate casting

decision, uh, because in the first movie of the great Andrew Robinson, Garrick, on, uh, on D.S.9, then in the third movie, you have Jack's Jedi, Jedi, Genozy, could never do it. Uh, Jediza Dax. Jeddahiah. You're going to open a portal to hell. Seriously. You got her from DS9. Why don't you get fucking Andrews?

Terry Farrell. You could get Andrew Siddick in there. Keep the DS9 train going, dude. Smart idea. And or, you know, or Colmini would be a lot of fun. Oh, he would be a blast. Oh, he would not. He would not have done this.

He's a toy maker in Ireland, maybe. I like where this is going. He could yell Jesus. Oh, fucking hell rice. no my love I have to go I have to deliver my toy he opened the fucking box that would be great three points a good is for this stupid

fucking box it would be cool to see someone other than a yuppie square off you know well that's true because this yeah this dude does in 1996 this guy you know Bob Merchant or whatever's name is real yuppie and then last half the third movie it's like art yuppies yes

forgot about the art yuppies that's going to be the problem with Comini is getting like, because that hair can't change. No, it's like, you put a ball cap on that, everybody's just laughing. That's, or that's maybe that kingpin maybe. That's bloodline though. Curly hair runs in his bloodline. Each one of them has it. Maybe the middle one's blonde.

That'd be fun. But that's a good differential between like one, he has floppy, like short hair when he has longer stringy hair. And then he has a stupid fucking ball cap. But I love so at the beginning, it's, we don't know what's going on. It's space where in Minos, This dude puts his hands in sneakers for five seconds. Anybody else notice these high tops he's putting them in?

It's like you put your hands into basketball shoes. And inside those basketball shoes are gloves that you pull back out and are wearing. And it's kind of a smart, coolish idea in a better movie is like, oh, anyone who solves the lament configuration with their own hands is going to get cursed and blah, blah, blah. Yep. When I get this poor fucking robot to do it. Get this fucking Terminator's skeleton to do it. this little fucking T-800 there

doing the puzzle? But it shouldn't work. No. You know, what has Pinhead showing up to take the robot soul? Well,

and there's no real acknowledgement of that being a thing except when Pinhead later in the movie is like, basically like, oh yes,

they got us here and the person who brought us was quite easy to defeat. I was like, yeah, Pinhead,

because it's a fucking robot, dude. Yeah. It doesn't know what's going on. It'd be great if he just shows up the things was

a robot seriously. I got out of bed for a robot, you say. There's no soul to eat. What am I supposed to do here? If he got summoned like on Skull Beach and Terminator, the world is gone, would he cry? Would he be like, there's no souls left to haffers? And the centipite wept for there were no more souls to eat.

He's just strolling through the aftermath. No, but there is T-Terminator flesh to fuck and to rip and stuff. So that's what it's, he'll eat. says it's the souls, but he likes the flag. Here's the thing. If you got Pinhead and his centibite buddies, a bunch of those either the, like, Terminators with the fake skin, or

them dudes, uh, the little dummies that the forged and fire weirdos always have to cut up. It would be like a centibite version of like a cat scratch pad. Oh, let me get on this. Oh, look at that little torso. I'm much less likely to destroy your furniture

now that I have this to play with. Oh, honey, get the centenbyte away from the couch. It's scratching that we just got that. Get away from there. Could you give me some of my flesh nip? I need some. Could you please? Oh yeah. Arnold could like pull off the flesh from his arm

and throw it to him, you know? Because he doesn't care. That's... Sorry, flesh ball. Well, that's the thing. It's like, I'm not saying he can't keep himself busy in the aftermath. There's all this flesh, sure. He's got stuff to do, but

like his heart's not in it anymore. It's like Chris Rock after bigger and blacker. It's just nothing is, nothing's good anymore. It's just all, it's, you know, there's jokes there. I'm not saying there's not jokes. Oh, yes. Watch me take a shit in your child sandbox. Oh, yes.

So he gets detained by these space marines and he meets which is really a centabyte name. Rimmer is a centipus, right? Yep. That's what it sounds like they bring you through hell. They bring you to hell through your asshole. That's right.

Dude, I mean, honest to Christ, you know, you're writing this screenplay and you're going through the 20th draft, you're the 20th ghost writer of this fucking thing. Someone call this lady Johansson. Yes. Especially in such a sexual

movie. I'm just thinking about analingus. I apologize. Totally. It's like it's a future name, I think is what they think. Well, in the future, everyone's eating ass. Rimmer, Lingus, you go and take care of the next. God. played by the seventh most memorable actress in Dazed and Confused

Christine Harnas. There you go. Oh, yeah. I was trying to remember. Who does she play in the movie? She's just one of the women that's like teasing the freshman and all that stuff. You know, just part of that crew. I was trying to remember if she was one of the people hanging out with Anthony Rapp. I think she's with the smarter, like the smarter girl.

She's her friend, I think. Okay. As far as, I'm sorry, I could not get past the. Rimmer. Rimmer could also be holding me up. A James Bond name, you know, like... Oh, Rimmer. Linda Rimmer.

Linda Rimmer. Linda, Ashley, Rimmer, how are you doing? Oh, Rima, I'm going to have to keep you very close, my dear. Oh, Rimmer, she got licked. And somebody says after that woman falls to a fucking jet engine. After he fucks and kills her, yeah. Oh, Rimmer, you're making my cheeks warm. Pinhead, you're mad.

James Bond versus Pinhead would be funny. Oh, that's a fucking mash-up. Dude, see we get the broccoli estate on that. There's really not much soul here. I got to be honest. And look at these cufflinks, uh, 007. They shoot out holy water. It is.

He's very much like Frank Cotton from the first movie, a guy that has had fucked everybody in the world 17 ways from Sunday and is looking for the next horizon. Oh, I just need the next horizon pinhead. it's so boring and it's all what you did for that Uncle Frank well yeah and much like Pinhead Bond

has like different spawns of himself like there's a Roger Moore Bond yes yes much like a butterball we have such things to fuck you with George Lazenby is the Angelique of course oh sure yeah the true king who was forced out but she's like so what do you do it

on this space station by yourself and in the again, it's fucking dumb. It's so dumb for this movie, for any Hellraiser movie. This dude is just like, oh, we'll sit down, Lieutenant Rimmer. I'm going to tell you a story. And it's like, wait, what? Hold on, Pinhead.

I'm going to tell Rimmer what's going on here. We're totally, because we are being forced to believe that the entire time the rest of this movie is being told to us. So the 1790s part and the 1990s. these part. Pinhead and the rest of them Cento Bites that we see at the end of the movie are just patiently waiting there? Are they not going to order pizza or anything? We're just

going to sit here. I mean, there's not even a TV in this waiting room. I think they're engrossed by the story, you know? Oh, tell me this one again. I was there for it. That's the thing. He wasn't there for it, which is cool, like, because Pinhead didn't exist yet in the French

era anyway. Which was one of the things mirror max had a problem with was like no no you got to get to pinhead much earlier and that's that's that's why he's like 30 minutes i think in the original was like 50 minutes or something like that and that's the problem yeah honestly we don't need pinhead in every fucking thing i know you were gonna have pinhead and everything yes just like every star wars thing has Darth Vader well but can i tell you then though the way that you're you're the complaint is angled here it's possible you will really like some of those later sequels because those movies are like we wrote a script for a movie

and then somebody bought it and was like this is going to be a Hellraiser movie it's basically like you're watching like the video game one, whatever that one is called Hellworld. We need to do Hellworld. Oh, we certainly will. I want to play the game. But that movie's like oh there's this crazy VR thing

happening, this game debut, hell world, blah blah blah blah. And then in the last 20 minutes the Centipites show up because it was just a screenplay about a killer video game system. And then they put Centipytes to it someone slapped hellraiser on it. Is that necessarily better or not? I don't know. Well, no, it would be better if only those stories were any good, but they're all trash also.

I also just think, like, we, you know what, you can defeat pinhead and we can move on to the next guy. He can't be, it can't be pinhead the devil and that's the hierarchy. There's got to be other, I mean, there's got to be other versions of it, but they're scared, like, iconography, they're scared to move on from that. That's what they think is putting butts in seats. Listen, of course it was. That fucking pinhead dude, I mean, of all the, the slasher villains and whatever, he was always the guy that I was noticing first in the video story. He was the dude you're seen on t-shirts.

He's dressed up like he's about to have some bondage sex, you know? Well, that's in every movie, he's like that. The first cover, the first hell ray cover is just icon. I mean, I see immediate. Yeah, you're right. Posters, fucking t-shirts, everything. So, I mean, I feel like if you were to go and try to do one of these without a pinhead centibite of us.

kind. Get the fuck out of here. That ain't my fucking Hellraiser movie. God damn it. I would just like it just like if we just settled on France here and just really dug in. But I know it's a cool idea. I mean also I think why

Pinhead isn't attacking right away while and allows a merchant to give him a story. Is he still trying to figure out this robot? I think he's like kicking it. No, Angelique, I killed something. I know I came in. It's got to be blooded somewhere. It's still 1990.

Right. I'm sorry, Angelique. I just, I haven't eaten anything since I left L. And there's just nothing here. I apologize. I'm starving. And I started acting a little like Joe Pesci there for a minute. Excuse me. I just, I kind of think that like you should have made the most recent Marchand just a little crazier. Like, have him put like human hands on the robot. Like he chopped off one of his like colleagues hand. That's pretty cool. Just to make the configuration work. Like, I get it then at least. But like, no, nothing. So he's like, let me tell you a story all about how my left dude. Well, I mean, it certainly was flip turned upside down.

This dude ran into some Santa Bites. Butterball from Belair. You're right, though, Chris, where the fuck is Butterball? What? What? Why am I, the dog? That's what you're giving me instead. It's a chatterer dog.

I'm a big fan of chatterer himself. Cheddar is one of the best. why isn't he back chatterer is my favorite you know why chatterer was once a dead kid oh that's fun in part two you remember that from oh yeah yeah ends with like they all get reverted back to what they were as humans and it's like uh what's her face just kind of turns back into herself pinhead turns back into dud bradley in his is his you know military uniform and then the fat guy butterball it's just a fat guy and he's just laid out but then it's fucked up there's the shot of of, like, one of the famous Hellraiser spinning columns.

And chatterers, like, impaled on it and, like, spinning around. And at one of the spins, it's like chatterer, chatterer, chatter. It goes all the way behind. Comes back around little kid hanging on a fucking post. That kid filled out. Yeah. So it's like a Jason Voorhees thing, like after year. Yes.

Yeah. He grew into his adult chatterer body. It's pretty cool. Did you see speaking of the chatterer dog? You see that dumb trivia thing about the dog? What's that? Which, they were like, Oh, the design of this chatterer dog.

Jim Hanson? It was supposed to be a person who, like, in their life before they died, was a person who got into a car accident with a dog. What? And became the centivite dog. Shut the fuck out. And nowhere in the design of this thing, can you tell that at all. It's a person.

An evil dog with chattery teeth. You know what I mean? And a little leather harness. I think I saw a little metal somewhere, like, give me a break. I need this dog to have a steering wheel for a tail. If that's what you're doing, I need that. And I barely see the damn thing. And then it gets blown up, which is good.

Don't get me wrong. But like, not much. I'd prefer my butterball. So Philippe Marshall in 1796 is hired. He's like famous, you know, toy maker hired by this fucking weirdo to build this puzzle box, basically. Which is also, you know, the guys are going to leave. of the occult, this, that, and the other thing, where are these guys getting all these designs from?

You know, like, where are you getting the thing? Like, okay, if I get, I can't personally make this device because I'm not good with the little clockwork and stuff. Get this toy maker to do it. Right. Bing, bang, boom. We can open hell because, I don't know, came to me in a dream.

Well, they're all stealing from the original toy maker, the most prominent proficient of the mall. F.A.O. Schwartz. Jeffrey Giraff. Jeffrey Giraff, who worked very early on, even before Marchand, he made boxes of all sorts, Eric.

I'm going to tend everyone to hell! Hey, kids, don't solve the puzzle box I'm selling this Christmas. I don't want to grow up. I'm a dead kid. Now I'm chatterer. I was a Toys R. kid, but now I'm a dead kid.

Now I'm chattering in hell. I don't want to grow up. I'm a Santa bite kid. There we go. But I mean, can you, can a toy maker just even with the right specs and not an ounce of like child blood or you know what I mean? Like some kind of magic stuff, toad eyes and what have you like make this box? To your point, Steve, later when they're, when he's asked to make the next version of this. Yes.

The spec he draws up is like for, you know, the cube itself and inside it, swirly magic. Just a picture of swirly magic. In the 90s, when we see this, this diagram from the 1700s, that this guy's hanging over his fucking cubicle in 1996. And it's like, this has been in my family for hundreds of years. I hang it above my cubicle. That's at work. So the janitor could just grab it. Right.

Yeah. It must be priceless. What, wouldn't you some, one of your fucking friends would be like, dude, you know what Antiques Roadshow is? Man, I think you got a lot of money sitting here. Ooh, this is very desirable. This is from the Marchand collection before. Right after he made the Lament Configuration Cube, one of those is very pricey.

That's one of one. Have you ever heard of PINhead? No, it's very interesting. He actually has pins all over his head. Do you ever see one of the update ones when it's just like, oh yeah, this Lament Configuration, this diagram, that's worth, you know, you could get about $10,000 for that.

And then it's like, update. Burm-B-B-B-B-13,000. No, it's gone down in value. The B-B-B-B-B-B-B-R is when it goes down in value, and it's like, now it's $8,000. And then there's like just a ding when it goes up. Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know, this was really sought after in the 1980s,

but unfortunately, the desire for the occult is down right now. The market is really weak. Not many people want to go to hell directly, you know. There was a time when you could use this and you could call a pin head and chatterer Angelique and butterball but these days you can't get your chatterers you can't get your butterballs you can only get a centa bite dog and that's garbage so we do have to devalue this slightly so he makes the thing and he shows it to his wife's like look baby I did it this lady unsupportive of her husband's endeavors it does nothing it's just kind of great yeah

I mean famous last words lady because this box does everything but you're right right, Steve. It should have been a thing where it's like, all right, I followed all the IKEA instructions here. Exactly. And now, oh, the last step, well, it's the little cartoon man from IKEA's instructions. What's, oh, he's cutting his hand open, dripping blood all over the box. Well, I'll take that back to Mr. DeLeal and have him do that. Thank you very much. Where am I supposed to find an eye to, I anew to this way? How? Where am I supposed to find this shit? You're not just thinking of the little IKEA instructions, like one virgin. It's like a happy guy or something like that.

They don't provide you with the I am nude. I would hope they would do something like that. I got to go find it myself. You're going to need a flat surface to put this box together. It would be interesting if you needed some type of classic witchcraft elements instead of just doing a Rubik's cube. Yeah. Because that's all it is

right? By Pierre de Rubik. The most evil designer of toys. He tricked that generation of kids into thinking that Rubik's Cube was a fun toy malevolent puzzle there secretly tricking people into doing mass

so he's like you know what wife of mine you'll see when I'm the fucking most famous toy designer in the world eat shit he goes off to deliver it to Mr. DeLeal that evening and here's this fucking dude powdered wig and all with his creepy assistant

you guessed it Adam Scott in his first ever movie are we having fun yet excellent we are hell yeah it's nice to see him in this I mean you kind of wish

I mean like I would rather him be the lead you know what I mean because it's just much better even like as this like

smarmy that's the thing is this is this is only Adam Scott could only play like smarmy kind of characters yeah

well his his character does survive into 1996 is like a vampire type of thing yeah keep it going

also never explained not at all oh why bother hey why bother they can Will you see them this lady

A lady of the night I would imagine she is She's over And she's like Oh fuck which one's gonna do What to me? Great. Oh man he's got the wig on

And every Oh man old guy Young guy Some weird stepdad shit God damn it And you say she hasn't been christened yet Oh yeah

That's a weird line Because it's like Now she'll be a good conduit To be taken over by a demon or whatever But I feel like she was just doing Dirty talk like Yeah yeah no I haven't even been christened Oh I don't

don't have a family either. I haven't been, I haven't washed in days. I'm going to turn 18 soon. She's like 31. Yeah, exactly. She's a fucking sex worker. She's going to be telling you what she thinks is turning you on. And to your point, Eric, one way you could do a hell raise room without pinhead is there are these little notifiers like little things that you know, such as the chains with the hooks on them. Yep. Which is just something that isn't all this and this like immediately. you get that from big red flag yeah yeah yeah but she this guy's like oh I'm a magician

too and she's like fuck magic guy oh man you know what oh I got a fuck magician that's double that's

most of them have to pay for it do I have to laugh at the am I supposed to be surprised huh oh god

he's doing tricks but they're also like with jokes oh god it's a magician comedian oh fuck yeah the amazing

Jonathan and it's going to tie this woman down. Oh, I love language jokes. Ooh, fun. You know, I haven't, it's 1796 France. I haven't eaten in 12 days. I'll make it 13. I'll talk to you guys later.

You guys enjoy each other. Look, if you're going to kill me, could you do it now? I prefer that to whatever this show is going to be. They kind of just do, right? Like the snap her neck. Adam Scott gets her. Yeah, because it's like they start tying her to a chair. And it's like, oh, what's this for?

And Adam Scott, yeah, can't. of the creep delivery here. He's like, so you don't bruise. And I was like, oh, you're going to do bad things of this lady. These scumbags, these rich motherfuckers, you can't even get this lady like properly high before you do this shit. Like, knock

her out at all. I guess the suffering is the point. Yeah, this weird old pervert and his young sexy man servant can't wait to open the doors of hell to have heterosexual sex. That's what these guys have been waiting for. It's going to be great.

Just thrilled about it. Fantastic. Well, nobody's fucking this lady, man. They're using it to open a fucking gate to hell. Yet. Well, sure. But yeah, the whole idea is, like, we'll kill this woman and then use her body as a conduit for a demon to come through.

And we are, thank God, all in silhouette, by the way. This magician is instructing Adam Scott in silhouette, like how you fucking flay this body, carefully pulling the skin off. This is Hellraiser stuff, you know, this was absolutely. In a cool in a Hellraiser way, gross, disgusting. I think if I saw more like, like, just

like definitely the skinless body like walking around like that's, but they're kind of cutting it around this year. That's what's kind of unfortunate right, because the first two movies, which I did rewatch an anticipation of this, of course the skinless bodies. I mean, it's like a franchise staple.

The third one has one too. You know, I couldn't believe it. Nary a skinless body in this movie. And you don't got to worry about it no more, man. We've been through the bodies exhibit. That's right. Fucking kids went to see that shit. You don't got to worry about this nonsense. Kids were having a blast laughing at Chinese dissidents.

Dude, I saw the funniest thing on Twitter. And somebody was like, imagine you donate your body to science. And this is what they do with it. And it was a picture of the bodies exhibit. And it was two bodies. And one of them was just railing the other one. Just like bent over fucking. the shit out of it. Of course.

You would just like, oh my God. Why would you do? You can fucking see the the body's dick. It was truly something. You got to know that there was those like creeps that curate this stuff. Oh, for sure. That carry around. They're touching those.

Those bodies have been worked over. Look, am I sad that we allow John Waters to guest curates. The bodies exhibit in Baltimore. Maybe a little bit, but not a lot. They took that skin off because it got so bruised and stuff, you know?

Like originally, they were probably just supposed to be regular people, dead people. Oh, yeah. But then, you know, they didn't tie to the chair properly. That's the problem. I got bruised. All right, take the skins off. The one thing you're missing, Andrew, is Lamar Sean comes over, like, hey, like a late night grubhub guy. It's like, one in the

morning, and he's like, hey, dude, here's your, here's your box. Here's your coins. Now, thank you for bringing that up, because fucking bad move. on DeLeal and Adam Scott right here. Jacques. Oh, Jacques, you're right. Because, you know, if you're going to be doing a thing,

we are killing a woman and flaying her and doing this whole spell and whatnot. Yeah, think about closing them curtains. That's the thing. What are we doing? This toy maker is standing outside these windows like John Belushi and animal. They check their demonos delivery track

and see that their limit configuration is on the way. Oh, no, I forgot to get demonos possession insurance. Now the spell is wasted and I've lost $30. Oh, crap. I missed five goddamn text from my Demon Dash guy. He said they're out of a special Dark Hershey's. I love all. I love demon, I love Demon Dash.

It's all great. Yeah, oh, 30 minutes or my soul is free. Oh, look at this. Ramos is preparing your soul. Oh, wait. Oh, he's canceling the order. Really? He's just driving my soul around the block and around the block. You're right down in front of the house.

Now you're going around that. You were right there. All right. You force me. Now I must use Uber Evil Eats. But I do. You're worried at him. He gets the money and he's like, oh, what a nice guy.

And he kind of like walks by. He's like, oh, really nice house. Oh, wait, oh, they're skinning a lady alive. Wait a second. They're peeling skin off her back. Can you give me at least an extra coin for having to see that? I mean, also the other thing is, I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, I thought I was watching a thrilling horror picture. How about they see that guy and murder him?

That'd be nice. Because it doesn't matter if he lives because it's all about the bloodline. And like, his wife is pregnant because she's doing a whole like, oh, don't you want to stay home with the two of us? And he's like, no, I got a demon dash. Get off me. You got to go out in the middle of this fucking rainstorm. I'm a fucking toy maker. It's part of the gig economy.

Deliver this box. Your lament configuration is very close. Be sure everyone's wearing a mask so everyone's safe. Notify if you wanted to be dropped off somewhere. You still putting a mask on when you get delivery? I try to. Oh, I'm definitely doing it. Yeah.

Yeah. I get it dropped off and then they notify me by text. You're like, get the fuck away from the door! And I don't get delivery. Ah, there you go. It's de journo. That's right. It's de majeurna.

Or tombstone. Tombstone. That's classic. What do you want on your tombstone? Pepperoni and cheese. It is done. That's a classic commercial for kids out there. Look up the tombstone pizza commercials, which are all involved capital punishment for some reason.

Well, doesn't, uh, Paul Demon's own make their own now? They make pizza too, right? Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, and every sale, a portion of the proceeds goes to little demons and needs. Actually, Papa Johns is the most evil, right? Because remember when he was having that breakdown and he's like, sweating and he's just

like, there will be a reckoning. You don't need to change Papa Johns. It's just, oh, yeah, we're cool with Papa John Slatter. Oh my God, even Cenobites wouldn't be in board meetings using that word. I mean, he just gets sweaty. That's just

that that's nothing special he looks like that all the time well that whole thing the basis of that was he was going to pull a morgan spurlock and eat 30 of his pizzas in a month or something like that that's a terrible that's a fucking suicide issue just to kill yourself if that's what you're looking to do which it seems like it is Jesus he's more salt than man now but so like he's like well that didn't look right he goes to his buddy and yeah this This other doctor guy? In typical law and order-esque fashion is like, hey, man, you want, I just have some questions for you about this crazy thing.

Yeah, sure. I'm just doing an autopsy. What's going on? You know, we killed God. It's so good. It's like the age of enlightenment. It's like, yeah, whatever. You know, God ain't shit no more.

I say as I remove this man's eyes. Pass me those corpse scissors. Thank you. Science is triumphant. Just like, hey man, can we just meet for coffee? when you're done and you've washed your hands. I will wait outside to have this conversation. Exactly.

But no, he's like, well, and it's kind of an amazing thing. It's like, well, if you believe in the devil or whatever, that's crazy. What you should do is just, I don't know, make a do a switcheroo on him. It's a fucking stupid thing where he's like, well, you built this box that can open the gateways

to hell. So by logic, you could build a device that closes it. And I was like, well, what he's not telling you is he was just following a fucking paint by number sheet with all the instructions. He didn't invent anything. Exactly. So now he's just like, yeah, I'll do

the heaven box. And you see, here's the, I went to engineering school. This is a swirley and a circle swirly and a dash. It's like a producing. Well, the magical come in later. We'll do what a

magical. You just have to imagine that there's magic inside the box, which will obviously get that later. That's fine. It's the last part of it. It's always the last part of it. We do that in post. We do the magic in post. Guys, come on. Just please, bear with me here. Follow along. We get paid to use our imaginations. All right? One part of the art design in this whole French era thing that I kind of like is there's just like suburban house doors painted gold

to make them look like a French door. Like a French door. That's kind of funny. Yeah. There was a whole thing where Angelique had like a court of like evil clowns and centibite that were going around do it all yeah I guess so they were like killing people like mimes that'd be killer clowns yeah killer clowns

from French from France that's it's even scary very very interested in that that's a again like if you don't go to space at all and we just stay even all in France but obviously you have to keep it somewhere in the present France and present you've got an okay

hell race yeah absolutely yeah No, I mean, it will be just as serviceable as all the rest of the sequels, honestly. Well, look at Prey's success this year, right? Right. Great movie. Drop Centa Bites all over time. Let's check that out. That's the move.

I think that's cool. I will say the difference, though, and why Prey is really smart in the way that it's set up and the community that the predator falls into there is because you're just kind of outside. That's true. you know, 1600s outside, you know, in a forest. You can fake that on the cheap. I think having a whole movie set in 18th century France,

little on the... It's Robert E. Lee, right? He's riding home, dearest mother. This war rages on. Thank you for your care package of this fun toy box that I get to play with. That's right. That's Zendibites fuck it up to Confederates.

Ooh, that I watch. And you, that's actually cheap to make. You just get a couple of those guys that do the, reenactments. Exactly. They jump at the chance to be in it. I will enjoy my configuration while I chew on some of your candied tree

box that you make every summer and I love so much. Yes, this new nation of ours will surely rise. Now I am off to solve this puzzle box. I've studied the cotton gin, the ironclad and now the puzzle box.

On to have a delicious dinner of salted grass. and bold. Last night, mother, thank you for your puzzle box. I met a proud white man that promised to show me wonderful things. Spectacular thing. Mother, let me tell you, he was the

hottest man I have ever met. Hey, you can even like have one of those Confederate monuments have pinhead come out of it or something. That's what we should do. Go around all the surviving Confederate monuments. Just do a little facelift on them, fuckers.

Make them a bunch of centibite monuments. That'd be great. Is there a really fat general for Butterball? Oh, there had to a bit. It's like, Beauregard Butterball. Yeah,

yeah. The horse is about to break under it. It's like, you know, when the Simpsons put the Marge wig on the Jimmy Carter's statue, it's not that. It works.

I mean, also to make a fucking statue pinhead. All you need is a fucking hammer and some nails, dude, you're good to go. Yeah, fix that right quick.

Admiral William Chatterer. That's easy enough. Yeah, he's part of the Confederate Navy. Oh, maybe. that's part of it, right? The Cenobites like, okay, we'll help you in the war in exchange for you sign off all, you sign away all their souls of the people you've, you know, can't, you know, this white man must be of the wardrobe. He, he puts the pins of the, of the clothing all over his face. I wonder if he can

mend my clothing, mother. So this dude that suggests he, you know, uh, just make a box to heaven. How? What I got to do? Fuck a drawer it for you. That guy. Yes. Thank you. He's like, you just got to go get that box and reverse engineer it or whatever. So this dude sneaks back into the house. And this is like, you know, Angelique's been really fucking nailing Adam Scott. Like she's fucking him.

The old guy's got barbed wire on his throat like a fucking ECW match. One of the biggest crimes of this movie is us not seeing this old man get fucking ripped up. Yes. I need to see this shit. I'm sorry. I know this movie's at like 84 minutes. You could put that time up that baby up to 95. I can take it.

But like two minutes ago he was like so commanding of this demon presence. Like he who commons the magic commands the magic. That's right. Yeah. And then he's. But you have to assume that Adam Scott does a trick on him. Right. You don't see.

You don't see. I mean, there's a line of like, oh, if you get in the way, they get in hell's way, then it'll turn on you. But what the fuck? Happened. Great question. Whoever summons the magic controls the magic unless you can't get your dick hard. That is right. He who smelt the magic dealt the magic. She's like railing Adam Scott. She's got like something around his neck. It's like just and again for a fucking hellraiser movie. Can we see the sex scene? Sex scene. Yes. It's mandatory. Thank you. And also it's more artful through the doorway where you can barely see like app a bad. And then I'm just like scratching my... Didn't this start in fucking outer space?

Well, see, it is the problem of watching a bunch of these movies in short succession. Like I did because I was about to say, don't you get some fucking? But that is in the second movie. There's a really nice little sex scene there going on. But also, if you're Lamar Sean and you fucking have been demon dashed for this dude at midnight and stuff, wouldn't you be like, you know, these guys, if I'm going to sneak into their house, I'm not going to do it. it at late at night. You know, show up at like 9 a.m. These dudes are going to be sleeping for a while. Passed out,

totally hung over, come drunk, throat's cut, whatever. I mean, also, you know, maybe this is just me. If I had seen how Angelique had gotten made, I literally watching how the sausage gets made in a way, like I'm not sure I'd be able to get hard for this.

I think I'd have a little problem. Like, I literally watched a skin suit get filled with demon meat. Sure. That's how this happened. Yeah, not, not, it's pretty gross. Not too titillating.

Pretty gross. Not for me. So he gets caught because like the old dude wakes up and he starts like making some noise or whatever and then Angelique, right? I'm remembering this right. Catches this dude and it's basically just like like the thing that's stupid about the storyline such as they are is like when they have fulfilled their narrative need. Like it just totally cuts off and goes back to our stupid space structure device here.

And this is basically it where it's just like this dude gets caught by her. And then fucking Space Paul is like, yeah, so that guy died. But the bloodline lived on and it speaks through the ages and blah, blah, blah. Something, something you have such a very pliant finger. Oh, pliant fingers. Yeah, you know what that means. Multiple times she says, what does that mean? Yeah, get in there, dude.

Oh, really? It gets in there. I thought that meant she was going to cough his fingers and shove him his mouth or something. Like, I thought it was going to be all razor movie, baby. Particularly violent. but it doesn't really happen. The one thing we can't miss, though, is she says very specifically,

I am yours to control unless you get in hell's way. Hell's way. I mean, that's so fucking vague. So that's like, I don't know, if the two of them woke up at the same time in the morning and we're both heading for the fucking bathroom

and that dude got in before she did, is that getting in hell's way? Well, the centibite lawyer, Ballpoint was on this, and he really, he did a number here. He really opened a door. See, Ballpoint was so. such a rip-up, dude, because he was just chatterer.

They just made the pen-clicking noise. They put, like, a pair of glasses on it that, like, really does keep sliding off. Oh, they just made chatterer a nerd. This is why communication's so important in relationships. I'd be like, babe, totally you're my sex slave forever. By the way, you're just going to be picking me for 300 years because that's all Adam Scott's getting into. Oh, yeah.

And that's awesome. If I ever even kind of get in hell's way, would you mind telling me? Would you mind just be like, hey, well, you know, she's just like, uh, well, you know, She's just like, what do you feel? How do you think about Italian tonight? Well, you know, I'm not really feeling. Maybe, you know, French, get back in the old. Oh, really?

Well, no. I just talked to the devil and you know what he thought tonight might be good for? Spaghetti. So you're dead. Oh, you wanted to watch that new Maya Hawk movie on Netflix, but I wanted to watch four house hunters in a row. You've gotten in hell's way tonight, sir. Oh, my goodness gracious, I cannot believe my ears.

You watched the season finale of Better Call Saul without me and then pretended you hadn't seen it. But then when one part was coming up, that was pretty nail-biting. You said, oh, and I said, did you see this? And you said, what? Now you have gotten in hell's way. Angelique and Adam Scott are looking for a paupor's grave that would fit his body perfectly.

Well, we jump ahead to the 90s. It's the 90s. You do see... Go-Go 90s. Adams. We meet to the new merchant who is an architect because it's the 90s

and everyone's an architect. Absolutely. Art Van deLand. And this is... He gave up the importing exporting and now he's focusing on the architecture. Excellent.

Yeah. And he's a... This is the wig factory one. This is the dude in 96. The wig looks the worst. It's a copper colored. It's so bad looking. You know what it looks like actually

is fucking the hair. color that they're given Mike Dexter and them Twilight movies. Yeah, kind of. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's probably like a Valcomer stunt wig that they had lying around. It looks like the top of a Duracel battery. They are paying off something that happens to the third movie, which I totally forgot. Remember the last shot of the third movie is that the building? The building. I can't believe they brought the building into this. I'm glad. Well, I mean, you have to. Yeah, but like, then it's got to be more about the building. It should be all about the building is a movie. Well, because here's the thing. Hell building. Hell building. building. I think actually there might already be a hell building. Oh, damn it. Oh, no. I'm actually thinking of terror on the 13th floor with James Brolin. We're a go for hell building. Was there like an X-Files

about a building that was like a little ominous? There's an episode where there's a building that's like got a high-tech security system. Yeah, that's like a line. Yeah, yeah. That's by elevator. A hell building. It would be fun. It would be so easy. I think you could like cold open. You got the old lady in her

apartment getting something ready. and she gets fucking eaten or whatever. Well, when you sign your lease, it's more than two years, madam, it's forever. Do you mind signing in blood will waive the broker's fee? Yeah, you know what? I'd sign in blood if you could wave a broker's fee. Absolutely.

No, but like what they're doing with that building is what they wind up doing with the space station. And this more than anything is like cut space out of it. Because clearly what's going on here is like, he because the whole thing is like and Pinhead says this later the box itself was like like an example

a proof of concept of the bigger gateway and his whole goal in this movie is to have the big gateway finish so that it can stay open as it is they have to all kind of like squeeze ass to ankles through the puzzle box I guess is the idea so he's he's been saying like oh my ancestors all these plans trying to

and like you can see the way that he's designed all the shit in the lobby of the building like oh that's the big lament configuration. And of course, when you look at the spaceship at the station, in the start of the movie, I was like, well, that's going to turn into a giant cube at the end of it. You can't fucking not see that. So, like, again,

cut space out, have hell building, do its thing. I mean, if you ever, like, when you see the space station, like, if you've ever done, like, I forget what you would call it, like high school's called it different things, but like where you would learn, like, marketing, drawing and stuff like that, like architect, like

early architecture stuff. Sure. Like concepts like that It is very easily Just that like the drawing you would see Of how you make a box Yes Like it's just very obvious You'd like to draw

Test your art skill Draw a box A turtle or Keither Sutherland And mail it in Oh you drew Kiefer Sutherland So well You summoned the devil himself Oh my God

I've never seen Someone take a square And turn it into a 3D cube With such precision Oh that S looks really but he's like having like weird nightmares that his wife is like hey man why don't you talk to somebody about that dude yeah totally or maybe you know what try getting laid because you're fucking married to the lady from nightmare at elm street too and now we're talking

i would call her a dime store a nettoole but yes uh yeah kim meyers is a dime store nettoll and you know what steve sometimes it's okay to find a sale Yeah, that's true. But I just, I have irrationally had a crush on this woman since I was like 12 years. It was driving me, that's what she was.

And I was like, oh, it's her. But she needs more in this movie. What the fuck is she even doing in this movie? They might as well not even be in it. Exactly. Her and the kid.

The kid functions as bait. And that's a cool enough idea. Again, like kid, you know, pinheads getting into your family with the last thing you want. You know what I mean? But again,

we got to fucking deal with the river and fucking the, the amount everybody loses because the end of this movie turns into like hellraiser slash alien like where you're doing a bunch of kills on a space station yeah but they have to happen so quickly they're all within like seven minutes of one another it's nuts um but so then yeah like uh he wakes up then we see angelique in france with dingy adam scott who's immortal who now looks like an anime villain he's got this fucking stringy long hair well you know what i was saying in though? Because like they cut to you when you're introduced to him they are fucking I think again and he definitely has Antonio Banderas in Desperado hair. Yeah,

a little bit. So when you see that worked into a sex scene I was like, wait, what happened to the movie? Has Desperado? Oh, never mind. You should take inspiration from Desperato, fantastic sex scenes. Oh my God. Oh my God. Wondrous stuff. Oh yeah. But he's like, I would like to go to America

and he's like, America sucks. And she's like, oh, you've got it Hells, we're like, oh, fuck, man. I mean, I say no once in 200 years. Yeah, I mean, listen, your demon wife wants to go on vacation, once every few hundred years, let her go on vacation, go with her. And if I'm dancing around hell's path, give me, even that I should know about. Gotta let me know.

I just, just, because I, you know, I can, I can stop myself. Babe, I'm not a mind reader. I don't know when I'm in hell's way or not. Yeah, so yeah, we get that whole, like, hell wants to go to America, cut to the World Trade Center. Well, she murders Adam, Scott. She's like doing weird face. Fingers in the face. She has like a demon hand all of a sudden.

And she's like poking in his face. Well, it pulls his intestines out. We get like a couple of scratches. And I'm like, all right, you know, he's into that. That's not the rough. But she starts getting all this like marmalade on his face. Yeah. Well, she bites a chunk out of his cheek.

Yeah. Like, she's like kissing. and shit and then it's like mom mom and then she sticks the finger in the hole what I love about all this stuff is like yeah she bites a chunk out of his cheek and now his cheek is bigger

of the effect like we can't have Tom Savini working on every horror movie yeah right I know he's busy this is beneath him oh absolutely yeah so he's dead yeah cue the World Trade Center another lament configuration hell building man

bunch of magic in there our coppered hair hero is at the toy awards of some kind of right right it's like architect award yeah yeah no he's no longer a toy maker now he's an architect because he's got to build hell building right and she and and jelique is there and he becomes too horny to even give his speeches you know it's uh every oh my god everyone was so important to do this everyone was really good and uh thank you goodbye goodbye i gotta go pathetic because he was just like oh you know Leonardo da Vinci once said oh my god is that a devil lady I've got to go.

If anyone's curious, what's happened to me right now, have you ever seen the end of police academy? You know, I was sitting with Frank Geary once, and he said, pants. I was a Leonardo da Vinci once.

Titty fuck. I mean, I have to, I have to go. I have to go now. I'm sorry, I yelled titty fuck. I apologize. I have to go. The absolute best part about this is he may as well yell titty fucking run off

that stage. I mean, it's a terrible fucking speech and then you just hear someone in the crowd go, that was a great speech did he come in his pants hey did you notice that it looked like he cam in his pants

oh must maybe it's just me I never saw someone I wasn't fucking have an orgasm oh that's a Twitch standing up that's weird to see but him and his wife go in a limousine limousine to this architectural awards dinner by the way wow paying for it

you know you'll treat yourself right they probably even got a hotel in the city I bet you know like really They treat themselves. Also, they're living in an insane, like, nonsense apart. I don't even know. This apartment is the limit configuration. The angles on this thing.

I think you have to take the interstellar ship to get to this fucking apartment. Oh, shit, man. I'm in that big case. And Pennhead's come get me. Hey, Bill Irwin, Robach. Can you tell me what the temperature is inside this apartment? Oh, shit, man. Of course.

Yes, now I'm thinking about fucking pinhead blowing up tar or whatever, tars or whatever that thing was. oh man i didn't know this whole space station was just a trap for that down that damn damn down there pinhead there uh crap man not only got pinhead chasing after me man i got matt damon on this ice planet fucking around or whatever god damn oh my god i miss pinhead growing up oh oh oh oh oh Oh, Butterball, I'm sorry, I'll let you become Casey Affleck. These centibites? No, never mind. So the guy from Seinfeld who plays his neighbor with the bird, Phil, whatever this actor is, a portly gentleman. And, you know, it's always a thing when an incredibly sexy lady comes up to you and propositions you for sex out of nowhere.

Which is hilarious. You got to start, you got to ask yourself a couple questions. one, what do you look like? Two, what does she look like? Three, what are the people you usually have sex with look like? Four, what do you need to do ordinarily in order to have sex? Yeah, and this me cute is just like she bumps into him and drops stuff like on purpose and goes, idiot! That's his kink, dude.

And then she's like, I want to fuck you, it's a basement. He's like, well, that sounds like a great idea. She literally says, I have such sights to show. you like hey Phil you should have seen those last movies man and it's trouble so ironic to have this fat guy who spent his life eating devil dogs now eaten by a devil dog because yeah it's because he hears that and he's like well I'm the stupidest person on earth of course I will go and do this dude you go someone again incredibly sexy lady way out of your league way out of everything not even like you approach her at a bar you're talking her up you're making

some jokes. No, she's like, I want to fuck you right now in the basement. Best case scenario, you're getting brutally assaulted. Best case scenario. That's positive. That's it. You're looking on the bright side of life. Yeah. That's four. What do people you have sex with normally look like? And then five, does this bar have an ATM?

Exactly. And she, uh, take a personal check on the chance. I owe you. She, uh, is like, you know, it'd be really sexy dude. if you solve this fucking Rubik's Cube for me. And he's like, okay, lady, whatever you say sexy and a nerd. Oh, man, this is the best kind of sex I've ever had. I get to play with a puzzle and then you just do stuff behind me.

Well, I don't look. I think I almost got it. You looking sexy back there or what? He takes his shirt off, right? He definitely takes his shirt off. You turn to me and solve a Rubik's cute man. This is how they have sex in France. you got to do their puzzles.

You're turning me into the corpses, baby? Yes, Phil. I'm turning you into the corpses. And then the door is open. By the way, she gets the limit, the limit cube. She punches into a random wall in the basement and it just has it there, which either A, she's got a supernatural sense for where it is. Or B, there's like hundreds of, they're used for insulation here.

And the end of the third one, they put it in the cement. think. Oh, they do? Okay. I'm trying to remember now. Is the third one, the one with the column and it's like the art gallery? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, because it does have the big concrete column at the end of it and Pinhead and all them do get stuck in it. But I don't know that, I mean, I guess because it's a Hellraiser building. She just knows where it is. She just has mental power. Pinhead texted me and he told me where to find it. I'm sure she's a to the energy of the toy from France Sure. Joe Flaredy wrote her

a letter delivered a letter from the old West. Are you Angelique the centibite? I got

something for you. I have a letter here from a man named Butterball. You were at the office were all taking bets that you

didn't have sites to show us. Well, it's no instructions here. It looks like Butterballs left your

100-year-old grocery list. My God. Pinnett alive and he's in lower Manhattan he's part of a column but he's alive kid do you need any help

there's only one fucking centibite that can help me oh god oh seeing you do that from across the room was terrified yeah it's a spectacular I'm gonna get scary but so this dude gets ripped by the tits right into this

it's like a weird like the door opens I guess it's like a wall just opening big white light dude poor Phil gets the fish hooks and his titties and they pull them through. Classically speaking, not what you expect to see when you're going to

hell. Yeah, a big bright light but hey, you know. That hell dog is waiting for it. It's assumed that the hell dog gets him behind the wall. Yeah, I think so. Because Pinhead walks out way too fast for him to be doing the deed. No. But this is the pinhead entrance. Clocked it by the way, 36

minutes, which I have to say that's too long of a wait. for pin had to be due because you see him briefly at the beginning but this is where he starts and Doug bradley i have to say i've literally i don't think seen him in anything but hellraiser movies maybe he's popped up in something else and i haven't noticed it but like this i feel this movie he's really getting to talk a blues streak and he's a good actor yeah he's fun he does a really good job of doing it you know what i mean and i think that that's it's what hold this movie together he's the scotch tape holding this movie together absolutely again to eric's point i don't even need him

35 minutes in if the movie's better but if the movie's this bad you might as well get him in there exactly and there's even cut back to him just waiting their

just checking his pin watch their antagonism isn't really well defined sure isn't like they don't like they don't like each other and then later in the movie

she's just one of his centibites and that's so weird because he's also just like oh princess she's the devil princess yeah sure hell has gotten so much more ordered now than you're accustomed to.

Yes, there's a Starbucks drive-thru on every block. This is not a room. It's a Holocaust waiting to erase itself. You know what? Pinhead may be back off. All right, motherfucker. Damn. Yeah, we know that technically the word means great fire. Sure. But Pinhead, you should know, man.

You missed it by like 30 years. You were wrapped up in hell at this point. But something happened, dude. And they started calling it the horse. Holocaust. And now it's kind of what everybody thinks when you hear that word. You see me pissing on your suffering enjoyment? Huh? Do you see

me doing that? No. Oh, fantastic. Now please provide me with a list of all the words old Pinhead can't say anymore. Dude, 70 words you can't say on television pinhead. I was just singing along to the Ice Cube song.

Apparently one of the words you can't say, at least to him, is pain. Yes. He's like, that's our word. How dare you use the P word in front of me? He gets real nasty about that. But yeah, they have this like back and forth and like she's like, oh, yeah, your pinhead, huh, or whatever. I mean, how did she not have?

Because the way you fix this is you give the Anjali character a tiny ass little monologue that's like when I was the ruler of hell and blah, blah, blah. But like, you don't know anything about this fucking demon that was raised. Oh, princess, you missed it. industrial music was invented and hell has changed. KMFDM rules down there and appear. We are rocking 24 by 7. I just love the idea that everything that's hell is

is like what freaked out the squares in 1989. Yes, exactly, 1988. It's, but yeah, I mean, it's just, it's so vague and like, that would, that should be a big part of this movie because again, like he becomes against, She's like, oh, you think temptation is going to, and this is a cool dichotomy. Sure. You think temptation is going to get the job done.

Pain and suffering only. And like, you know, they should have a race and see, like, you know, like, I will bet you one dollar, Randolph. A montage. Yes. And there's like, she's like fucking people or whatever. And he's like, you know, gripping up fat guys. It's like, oh, we'll see who let the devil likes more.

a power struggle movie would be interesting. Luck be a lady tonight plays. Well, I was going to say either luck be a lady tonight or the Harlem Globetrotters theme song. Very nice. Really great.

He's just maybe Finnett takes a head between the legs kind of a thing. Totally, yeah. And then they cut back to Anjoling she's fucking some dude like why are you only fucking generals?

Because they are the easiest to defeat. But, you know, and so she decides to, how does she meet? Oh, she goes to the office pretending that she's an architecture client. That's right. And she's like, you know who I am. Oh, my God, you're the lady for my dreams. My wig's going to fall off.

Oh, man, I've had so many wet dreams. Do you crazy? And this is where he shows off the diagram from thousands of years ago in his office, in his shitty office. Yeah, I've been trying to get all this silly bullshit. to work and it just hasn't come together. I don't know how. I got the walls, but that silly string in the cartoon in the middle still working on that one. I can't figure out just how to make this look like a screensaver. I cannot crack it. Well, he has a big thing here. He's like, they attempt to do some kind of horseshit explanation of what this is. He's like, oh, have you ever

seen this before, hell demon? Perpetual light. This is what I'm working on. And he just starts clickety-clack at this computer program like oh look light trapped and it's powered by its own reflections and I was like dude what it sounds to me like when they tried to describe like the cold fusion energy source in the in the saint oh yeah when you're hearing that science babble and you're like that doesn't make any sense it's the same thing in this movie I would have been happier again just even a still of butterball just cut to a still of butterball that's fine I will take that as well Like just anything. Is he out of these movies now?

I think he comes back. He does come back eventually. Maybe an inferno. Well, you got to make room for CD guy. I think this movie's the only one where the twins get some play. Oh, twins are fantastic. I said, that's a highlight here. In late 1995,

Butterball went out for a midnight snack. He wanted to go say hello to his boyfriend. But then he's never been seen again. He left his glasses behind. And we've always wondered, what happened. Then you're watching this Unself Mysteries segment on the Centebites, but it's just reenactment footage

that somehow looks better than Hellraiser movies. Doesn't think much. But so she's like, ooh, I'll be in touch with you. And then later that night, he's sleeping again, making sure that wig is staying on. And he gets a call and his wife is there. And he does the, like, hello? Oh, hey. Oh, yeah, I'll get you that report later, sir. Talk to you soon.

Click. And he's like, man, those guys in Japan just don't know what time it is man and you know what's so stupid too is this because they show Kim Myers like she rolls over you know and is looking like who's he fucking and like the movie like what are you even bothering

for that shit for you're not going to set anything up with that nothing's built up with that possibility nope no nope it's never mentioned again I'm not even sure that they fuck because he goes to see her and then the movie cuts to to I don't think there's any sexual intercourse here yeah okay because he goes to see her and then she's like

oh, maybe you could help me out. And then Pinhead is just like, this is taking too long. Is it the test audiences? I'm going to fill out this comment card and I'm going to fill it the fuck out. Angelique, have you seen these cards? They mostly mention you.

You're not working out. I put an awful lot of twos down. But he's like, oh, what will? I think he's talking to the dog. You know what I mean? He is talking to the dog. somebody, which I need a shot. I mean, fuck them for not

having this. Pinhead on whatever weird industrial music themed throne he's on. And then the dog like by his side and he's petting it and it's gross. Would that be, would doing kindness to the dog be out of character for him? Oh, good call.

He just like hitting the dog or something? Well then the dog bites his hand and he's like, excellent. He turns up the lords of acid. Because that's what the dog really likes. music. But the movie cuts from that phone call scene directly to these two twin security guards.

These security guards, by the way, twin security guards, seen it done better already in Terminator 2. Absolutely. Oh, big time. But this thing of like, they're checking like all the doors and he's like, well, there's not supposed to be a door here. It's not on the chart. They have a door chart.

Yes. A chart of where the doors. And they have to make sure the doors are there. And now we've one extra one. That's their job. All right, guys. No, no, intruders, whatever. Count all the doors every night. Well, we're off by one. I guess we'll start over and go back down to the lobby,

start counting doors. I don't understand what they're supposed to be doing here. Is this like the nightly check and they've got the floor plan? They literally have to open every office door. I guess that's what this is. Air them out. That's how we do it. Well, here's the thing.

Just a good rule of thumb. If you're ever like looking at a floor plan or a map or something or an illustration, and maybe from ancient times and you're like, oh, look at that. That door's not on any of this documentation. Well, you know what, friend, you keep that door closed. Exactly. You just walk away and pretend you didn't see that.

I'd be like, yo, two, and brother, remember how we make $11 an hour? Yeah, totally. You know what? I would say, find yourself a wet floor sign, put it right in front of that bad boy. And you just know where it is. Exactly. And you just walk away. Because what would you even do?

You call in the head office. We got another door down here. Yeah. Yeah, all right. Well, we're a security firm, so that's meaningless to us. Goodbye. Go call Van Helsing and sons. Maybe they can help us out. Nobody else is going to. They go through all these corridors. They're spooky scared and, you know, they're having fun. And you think this would like maybe close in on them or something would happen in here. No, no, no. Apparently there's just yet another door. So there's two extra doors. They come out and they see Pinhead, right? Yeah. And then it's like, oh, hello. Oh, shit. you caught me, I was just showering here. Listen, man, it's been a hard couple of weeks.

I just need a place to relax. I would love to see him in just to tell. I think somebody's been using the faucet because every once in a while, it just goes cold. I don't get it. It's a brand new building. The hot water shouldn't be going in and out like this. Listen, Mrs. Pinhead and I have been having problems. I've been sleeping at the office.

I wasn't supposed to tell anyone But I got up to go to the bathroom And hear you weird looking at twins are It's actually much easier for us Cenobite We all sleep standing up Oh, it's the problems with me and my wife Oh, could you believe it This pin hasn't had a head in years

This guy, one of the guys who sees him And I mean, it's a line you gotta cut The guy goes, Ewe, he's got pins all over his head And I'm like, you know, dude, it's the fourth one of these. We could move right along precisely. But one of them says it on like, like, Freezer, we'll put the pain on you. Which is good, like, cop talk of the era. I'm sure that was on cops or something.

What did you just say? How dare you use that word? Fucking funny. It is funny. Yeah. And then he's like, he gets them both. And he's like, oh, I bet you're afraid of one thing that, please don't take me without my brother. But you'll always be together.

Can I put Don't Want to Die Before just put that right before that Something in these people Maybe Andrews since you've been rewatching this can answer Like is like why make these guys a centibite Versus that fat guy in the basement Yeah I think it's kind of like

Do they have a dark soul of any kind? I don't think because the second Random the second movie is the first time you see someone constructed into a centabyte It's that weird doctor character and Yeah It's just he was He fucked around and found out

I'll be honest with you They're much prettier Than the man in the basement I just would prefer to look I mean I'm going to just figure them Of course It's been thousands of years I've never had twins before

Hello Every man's fantasy Ponty down dudes Are you looking at those jaw lines You could cut paper with those Take that Mrs. Pinhead twins got myself some twins and they're blonde and he puts these masks on them

and they start drilling them together and their heads start to combine looks like a machine making taffy yeah it does actually good call and this is where I'm like pinhead got off so light in the centibite department he's mostly dry

you know what I mean everyone else is incredibly wet only the nipples are kind of exposed his wounds. True. The pins are in the head, sure. But, like, he's got full range of movement as well. Like, you know, a jacket, cool jacket. I guess that's true. And you don't know what's going on underneath the skirt.

Oh, that's true. Yeah. Maybe he's all fucking his dick's gone. Oh, maybe he's all pin dick. That's, I mean, best case scenario, no dick. It's all kinds of horrors. You can't imagine. Like, Hannibal arrangements down there that they're doing. Yeah, at that point, you'd want to just cut it off and forget

about it. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Although I would say a fucking dick with a bunch of pins in it, definitely doing it for a bunch of people. Oh, yeah. Probably a lot of them wearing Pantera t-shirts. Probably a lot of the people listen to this right now. If you know someone who has a pin in their dick, we all hate movies at gmail.com. Go to the emergency room now. It's very important. And I'm not talking about Prince Alberts. I'm talking about actual pins and the fucking cock as a pincushion. But he's like, oh, this is taking too long. I'm going to resort to the oldest narrative contrivance in the book and chill your child. Of course. He even says the greatest suffering a parent can know is loss of a child. I was like, oh, say. I got so excited because I'm like, is he going to off this kid? I thought so too. And I was like, that's something. We catch this kid here? It's the kid from the Shining or the TV version of the Shining. He's also. Don't like this. kid. He won the prized

role of uh-huh in the Little Rascals movie. Oh yeah. He's just the one that says uh-huh. So did he did he share screen time with Trump? Isn't he in that one? The rich. Is he in that one? Trump is in that movie. He's like the

father of the rich kid. Yeah. I don't know if there's actually shared time. He's not. Trump is like on his own. He's like on a phone call and they cut to him. There's a thing in the end of the movie. Excuse me. I agree the important phone call. pinhead is on the line. If I recall correctly, there is a thing at the end of the movie

where he's on the phone, it's like, yes, I'm taking a cell phone call during the Pinewood Derby or like, whatever it is. And these outtakes is like Trump throwing popcorn at somebody in front of him. And I was like, yeah, but that person hated your fucking rotten guts. Absolutely.

Fucking pig. Well, I mean, Trump wants my support. If he wants me to stop supporting DeSantis, all he's got to do is fucking get Butterball back in these movies. He wants an easy path. There we go. That's what's going to make America great again. Butterball has returned. You could

finally say Merry Christmas again, by the way, there was gone before me. And now you can have Butterball. Butterball. It's not just for Thanksgiving turkeys anymore. He's now also SecDef Butterball. We're also bringing back Chatterer.

Yeah, another person in the administration can't keep their fucking mouth shut. Oh, dude, Chatterer would definitely have a a tell-all book. Oh, definitely. Everyone in that administration. I don't recall.

It looks like they could have been centibites. Absolutely. Stephen Miller, Jared Kushner. Like, oh, Kaley McInerney. Oh, absolutely. Oh, yeah, they can all be centibites, dude. They deserve to be turning to centa-bites as a matter of fact. But we do know they have pendix.

At least we know that. Yes. Of course. But yeah, the mom goes down to do some laundry in this insane building. And then she's like, something's wrong. And she comes up and she checks all 17 angles of this apartment. This is fucking hilarious because, like, she hears, like, screaming or something, and she runs up. And this place looks like fucking Mar-a-Lago after it got tossed by the FBI.

Oh, my God. I don't understand. Why the fuck? Pinhead, you're coming to kid this kid. You're a powerful demon from hell. This is all-huh from the little rascals. Why is the house? He's cutting up, like, sofa cushions.

What are you looking for cocaine? That's the problem is, like, this happens. And I'm like, I need to see. see this tantrum. Because that's what it looks like. It looks like he threw a temper tantrum. It looks like Beethoven got in the house. Dude, you know a hell dog.

Oh, that would be great if like he comes in. It's like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. The Hellraiser franchise could definitely use some fat guy, John Candy. He was like, I will just put it out there. Oh, maybe. Oh, do you think it was like a home-alone situation? Yes. Oh, no, I'm slipping on my crow machines.

Ah, the broken Christmas autumn and smell. He put Crisco on the stairs again. Oh, right. Well, hold. I'm not going to have to come back later than having a party. Wait a second. Is that a standee of Michael Jordan? Boy, that person dancing in the shower looks an awful lot like a blow-up toy for a pool.

I haven't seen him since he laid that bet with me. Oh, I'll come back tomorrow. There seems to be some gangsters in there doing some nefarious business. Oh, looks like I'll go visit old band Marley across the street until tomorrow morning. Hold on. Snakes. Is he a centabyte? I don't know any snakes. Snakes. Snakes. Nope. Don't know no snakes. I love that. I'm over here, you horse's ass. What are you getting?

Oh, did he just call me a horse's ass? Oh, he tried to steal a toothbrush. He is hellbound now. now butterball you go behind the back oh john candy i haven't seen you since you left your son at that funeral what delicious sights we showed him there the sendobite poker see you soon by the way but he you know he gets him and then he just kidnaps the wife too really off screen and then they're just and he's like all right i'm going to just kind of everyone else I totally sexually weirdly ball but you two are going to be left in this room

totally cool yep yep don't really understand that change of course yeah i mean i guess it's like you know he's gonna blackmail him and designing the big box to open the gateway it is kind of just weird to see pinhead trying to negotiate this shit it is crazy too like because you figure once the quote unquote hero you know let's just say the protagonist here like he has his family kidnapped by the Villain we are rocking into the third act of this movie and I fucking looked at it man and we are

talking over 30 minutes left of this motion picture because you you forget we gotta go back to fucking space precisely I did it's the third it's the third act of the 90s segment but there's that we have to do the third act of the space segment it is so ridiculous in this segment

that they kind of dispel pinhead through the shit in the building yes then we go to space and we do the exact same fucking thing. It's wild. It's fucking wild because she's, it's a very long back and forth cat and mouse. He shows up. They split up

by the way. I mean like, dude, we are running afoul of hell demon's husband. I am not leaving your side. It is wild where he's like all right, wife, you go that way. Child, you get in this elevator alone and I'm going to go this way and she goes,

what? And he's like, don't worry. I have a plan. It's like, do you? Based on what? Oh, my God, is that dumb. You know that this dude teleported me here. We didn't take a cab. He grabbed my hand, blue light engulfed us, and then I was here. I don't think your plan in counts for that.

That's not makeup. That's not a mass. Those are actual fucking pins in his face. He just walks around like that. Nipples, too. Real. Those nipples. And the skin under him rip right off.

He made you touch it. It was gross. And you have a plan To defeat this monster I can't help but notice you staring At the torn off skin below my nipples Well Feel free to have a poke

They're real and they're spectacular Touch my nipple holes I am single I'm not quite good at the mingling Weren't you a nightmare on Elm Street 2 Great picture great picture Loved all the bondage stuff It's quite fantastic

Freddie, old friend, old friend, he's a good fellow, good poker friend. But, you know, they run around, she finds the lament box. So she starts, she starts zapping everybody, which is good for her, you know. And she knows this. Sure. She zaps everybody. He sacrifices himself at this point, right? Well, you have the hilarious pinhead, like, because I guess PIN does know what a computer is.

Oh, right. get on the console toy maker which means just keep doing your clickety clack shit um make the magic go faster well then it's just again because this movie like uh this structure to do it in this triptych is so fucking stupid it doesn't give you a chance i guess the movie thought that you would anchor yourself as the viewer to this actor no matter the time period but no unsuccessful you need an actual actor to do this properly. This segment just ends with the dude gets on the computer, he click and he

clacks, he tries to make the machine work, it doesn't, and then Pinhead is like, what sorcery is this guy? And just decapitates this guy. Oh, it's a pretty good decapitation. It's stellar but like, yeah. From where where. This is where Pennhead is doing his whole like,

I couldn't care. That's what God thinks. Oh, yes. Oh, what does he think? he thinks he's big Mr. Big man, does he? Says the guy that dresses up to get his attention all the time. Like the whole hell, Helen God, it's, you're

made to do that dance, you fuck. You want to piss him off. You get off on pissing him off, you idiot. And then the way that the segment actually comes to an end is the wife has the box and she says something about like, go play with your dog, asshole. And she

does the box on Pinhead and Pinhead and Dominique or whatever. Angily get sucked into the box. The dog hilariously gets killed, which is fun. It's good to know you can explode them. Does he get killed with both acts? It gets pressured.

It gets pressured. Oh, yes, that's right. But doesn't she try to do something with the dog, too, or does she get one of the centibytes? Because she does use the puzzle box. She's just zapping everybody inside of it. Oh, that's who you meant by everybody. Yes, I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It also got the dog, too. We can move on now. And then just cut to see. space. And I'm like, Jesus, man. Because again, like, that is a totally fine ending to a okay Hellraiser movie. If you made it all focused, and by the way, making it in the buildings cheap as fuck. Exactly. And like, really, like, you get a cast of characters there. There's a sassy receptionist. Yeah, a couple of character actors would have gone so far in this. Absolutely.

Big time. But now we're just in space with rumor and rumors like, wow, I believe what you said. So wait, we've been talking this entire time. And there's a deal. Demon loose on this? Multiple demons. And he's on hold. Dude, this guy has the dumbest line of the movie right here. When we cut back to the future, he's like, yeah, so I realized all this was going on when my blood started speaking to me in my dreams. I was like, hold the phone. What did you just say? Let's quit it with the tree of life talk here. Oh, yes, I saw that memory for when you were a little boy in Texas. and you went into the neighbor's house for some reason and went into the bedroom and sniffed that lady's underwear

or whatever happened in that movie. And my memory spoke to the sky. And my blood knew what the demons were. And now a dinosaur. Pretty good dinosaur. Oh, hello, dinosaur. It is a good movie, though. It's like 17 minutes and five kills,

which is really impressive. Because it's like, you've got this whole team. And like that, again, it's its own movie. Hellraiser in space, that's a movie. I don't like it, but it's a movie. You know what I mean? Like, but no, every single one of them dies. Any good deaths here? Well, there's the twins like merging

together onto a guy. Oh, that's pretty cool. And it doesn't really the guy just gets juiced. Like, I don't know what exactly supposed to be happening to they don't show you, but, no, because you never get an actual, like, wide shot of that kill. It's all in bad

closer. You don't really know exactly what's happening. His pants just get really wet. is like shoes and pants getting wet. Oh yeah. You keep seeing parts of him like fall on the floor. Oh man. I hate that. Wet pants. That's hellbound shit for sure. But for some reason

they recast, like while they're in makeup, maybe because the other actors didn't want to be in the makeup. There's different twins, different brother team playing the set of my version. Really? Really? Yes. Like the Polish brothers actually. One of which

went on to direct that Gina Carrano Western for Daily Wire. Oh, wow. So let's have devilish sights to show you. Right there. Oh, that's fucking incredible. There's one guy who, the first poor bastard that goes in and finds like the fucking holding pan.

Yes. His face just gets ripped clear off. That's the only kind of skinless shit we get in the movie. Yeah, it's pretty cool. I like that part. Yeah, that dude's face gets ripped off. That's not bad. And then you have another guy, one of the other.

security guards. I can't remember Carducci. Yes, it is. It's Carlucci. Anybody catch Carlucci? No. Chris Kavana especially? I saw the face. I don't got it. No, I don't know. He's the dude who played Scully's brother Bill. The Moulter

hating Bill Scully. That just reminds you this movie was definitely filmed in Canada. Totally. His death is kind of cool, although they shoot it really poorly, is Anjolique pulls him through the mirror. Oh yeah. And then closes the mirror on his head and he gets

decapitated. I didn't understand what was going. No, because the angle at which they film the body falling doesn't make sense. It doesn't at all. I rewind it like three times and I'm convinced that that's what they were going for it, but just completely failed on it. I was just like, oh, the head's gone great. That's cool. Angelique is now a full

centabyte. She's got her head is flayed open and it's like attached to her shoulders. And it's like, can I not? I want to be able to use my arms. Well, you know, Steve, it's kind of like the centibite version. of having to pin your mittens on your jacket You don't want to lose the top of your head anywhere What are you worried about not being able to wear hats anymore? It's also good that this is in space

Where it's extremely dark So you don't really get to see any of this show There's one dude Who has kind of I think the funniest line of the movie He runs around a corner with his big gun And he sees pinhead standing there He goes, whoa, what planet are you from?

Planet fuck you buddy I've got your planet right here I've had it up to here They kept me on hold Where they told me the whole fucking story Of that goddamn toy maker I had to listen to an elevator music cover Of the girl from Ipanema for seven hours

Oh see that could be a fun moment In the skyscraper movie They're stuck in the elevator with Pennhead Yeah sure Excuse me no smoking in here The sign is right there Yeah he gets you know You get Pinhead reading a copy of

High Rise, you know. You get to play with it a little, you know, some ballad fun. It's just, you know, and like this is, you do see and it happens a couple times. Every time, you know, he's got the regular buzz cut, he's, because I think the idea the original movie was basically

he sacrifices himself and dies. It's certainly the way he's playing it for most of this act. Exactly. But no, then he goes up to the other lady and Rimmer, and he's got this fucking stupid bald cap on and he's like, you know what? I think I got a way to beat

Pinhead at his own game and survive. And it's like, why is that at a Hellraiser movie? Since when is there a happy ending in the Hellraiser movie? We got to get back to Earth in time for vote for Palantine. At one point, Rimmer is the one who murders the Seno

pooch. Yes. puts this motherfucker in a little pressure chamber here and pops. It is kind of great because Pinhead is very verbose in this movie and they're like, Countdown, six minutes and like he's got fucking what's his face right where he wants him he's got merchant right where he wants him and merchant's like so man uh what's suffering like why don't you tell me is there like a lot of suffering in hell oh i'm so glad you asked that

question okay two things one you're totally stalling but two i will definitely tell you because no one has ever asked me about my work before you know i i heard that God thought your stuff wasn't actually that sacrilegious. Oh man, what does that old beanbag know? Let me tell you about that guy. Who told you?

Tell me who told you. Because I know he didn't tell you. The T-minus 30 seconds. It's the sideshow Bob, that HMS pinafore. He does kind of do that. Whatever. No, never.

Because he's like babbling about the fucking garden of Eden at one point. Exactly. It's like, dude, shut up and kill this guy already. You were born in like fucking 1900. Shut the fuck up about the Garden of Eden. Also, it should be put out there that Pinhead should never use deja vu. Oh, yeah, that's true.

He is staring at this motherfucker and he's like, boy, you sure look familiar. You look like all your relatives I've given trouble to over the years. What a real case of deja vu I've had? It's so weird because usually, you know, bloodlines actually intermix quite a bit and then people don't look quite so much as they did 300 years ago. Which, you know what, great point. And I know that means two extra paychecks or whatever, but like there is no reason to have this guy be the guy throughout the ages. He's not Daniel Day fucking Lewis. He's just some Canadian workman.

Yep, exactly. It's fine. I don't know. And also, like, the Angelique thing is a total botched job. just a centibite hissing and not even speaking at the end of this movie. I think for some reason I thought that was like just a different centabyte at this point. Like,

didn't number three have a lady? It did. No, this, but this is actually her. It is her. Part two and one, there's the same lady in both of them. I just don't like it. It's a different actress for sure. But it doesn't, like, the first 20 minutes of the movie was all about her and then it's all this conflict and it's like, now she's just part of the centivite game. Or wait, is she

also smoker? Or is that... Because then smoke have a similar head thing going on? I think I saw a similar head thing in one of these. Hmm. Who the hell knows? Either way, it's suffering to watch these movies. And then, oh man, and then when you get to the fourth level of hell, let me tell you...

God, God, let me tell you about that guy. If there was ever a guy who's obsessed with his son, it is that motherfucker. He will never stop. Wait. Oh, damn it. I can't run in the sky I will say I because I'm a dumb ass I'm like oh it's kind of neat

that it becomes a cube yeah and it's like oh it's cool to like the board cube or whatever yeah cubes in space dude it's neat and it would make sense that he would that merchant would be on the space station this was a trap he was the live bait and he will die his bloodline will end as will

pinhead but no he's like hologram I'm in a fucking little spaceship beep beep and then it fucking blows up like the star. We pan down Forrest Moot of Andor. Here are our heroes celebrating with some new friends. That da-da-ba-da-cha.

That is the ending. They give us pretty much. I mean, we just see the spaceship fly back to Earth, but you're this happy go-lucky ending. It's fucking insane. For a hell Razor movie. So stupid. So stupid. Also, what, I mean, this is going to be

an international. You now have a hell cube orbiting the planet, I think that's going to be a problem. I think that there might be some some talk about. The UN might have some fucking assemblies. I thought it blew up, right? Oh, does it blow up? I think it blows up. Yeah. It's containing all this magic energy that

he's finally been able to invent 500 years later. You could just blow the thing up. God damn. The debris that will hit Earth would be astronomical. He's fucking yelling till. He's saying, I cannot die. This, that, the other thing. And it is fucking hilarious. Like when it starts blowing up, it's just Doug Bradley's stand.

Because it's like, how can you on a low budget have such an operatic end to this mythical creature? You can't. So it's just a guy standing there while sparks are shooting off. It's like the way they make like his face, like they put brown liquid. Yes. And because it's over. The light is just fucking so goddamn. I'm bleeding a bunch of wood stain all over the floor.

I think one of the end lines is something like Welcome to Oblivion and then Pinnett goes, Amen. Oh, yeah. What is that about? Isn't that one of his, isn't that like a God word? I think he's trying to be sacrilegious there. Oh, fuck. Okay, got it. His line that I think

is great and it should have caught on just as much as Ace Ventura's do not go in there. And I feel like you can use this. You come out of the can. You just took a real righteous dump and you just go, I am so exquisitely empty

I was chuckling at that pinhead line or you go in right when you're going in to take the shit and you turn back to your friends who are looking at you and you say this is a Holocaust waiting to wait

oh man yo Brad what the fuck was that about dude it was just a really it was going to be a bad one I had a Mexican and Cuban in the last 24 hours. I've never had to kick anybody out of watching the Chiefs, but you've got to get the fuck out of here.

I mean, that's just messed up. The only thing I liked about this movie is that once that fucking thing blows up, this dude, Paul is like, all right, well, it's just a left back to earth. The ship turns, boom, credits, boom! Because we've not told a story of any kind. We don't care about it. these characters. We don't need a stinger. We don't need

nothing. I was half expecting like, Rimmer to be like well, on to the next back. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dha. It would be, you know, like if he appears in the ship at the end, and then it cuts to black. Anything. Just give you a little. Somehow the

box is there. Like, you know what I mean? Precisely. Well, because that's, if you had, if you did hell building, I was envisioning like a good ending would be, uh, you know, basically you pull a polter Geist, the building fucking collapses in on itself. Sure. And then the, you know, whew, wow, we did it.

All right, everybody. Let's go home. And it's our, it's our boy from the 90s and his family. Oh, and the lady, they go home and whatever. And then it's like, oh, the vacant lot where the building once stood and we're going in, you know, dissolving closer, closer closer, through the dust. The wind

kicks up some dirt and whatnot and an old egg crate rolls over and there's the box still in place. Well, huge mistake. Dude, you just described a horror movie. Yeah, what an error. What an idiot. If you were downtown near hell building during the events of hell collapse, you might be entitled to compensation. Many people have not come forward to take from the fund of the hell building that was right. Call 555-1-279.

Call 555-5-building. Hi. Hi, I'm Paul Saconne from Sucone law firm. Have you, have you, is your skin paler than it used to be? Are your nipples extra sensitive and always bleeding? Do you have pins coming out of any part of your body? Is your dog lost all his flesh and chattering teeth? Is part of the skin on your skull pulled over back and pin to your shoulder blades?

Are you just kind of overweight? And they call you Butterball. And they gave you some welders glasses because it looked cool, I guess. In the last four years when you burp, do CDs fly out of your mouth? do you smoke from your throat but that is the end of this fucking terrible movie recommendations and final thoughts Eric Siskin

spooky entrance there for the mind anyway it's a no for me I did not it's just stupid city I feel like there are elements here that are cool and interesting to potentially explore the French thing the space thing but it doesn't work

all together and it certainly doesn't work in 86 months. Totally. Chris Gavin. It's not good, but I kind of have to recommend it because this was the movie that actually got me to watch the first El Razor. Oh, that's weird. I had seen the trailer for this one on, I think, like, senior trip

or the National Ampoon Senior Trip or something like that. I had seen the trailer. I was like, oh, that looks cool. I don't know that any other movies of this exists. So I watched this and I was like, oh, I'm going to watch the first one. It was a doorway. I have some warm, feelings towards it as such but it is a piece of shit so so if we ever do senior trip now we know an answer for the VHS car there it is oh my god uh Steve yeah no um it's it's just a mess I wish it wasn't because I actually think again there's probably a there's like two or three good

movies here that you can figure out I think you can either just do hell building French into hell building would also work or space like these are all singular movies you can make but they didn't make any of them and they made mishmash and as Eric said it's 86 minutes and as good as Doug Bradley is everybody else in this movie and I mean everyone else is terrible agreed on that part for sure yeah it's like just watch them first too I rewatched him over the last couple days I had some great fun with them sure and they're well-made movies and yet the problem like we've been saying is when you kind of make three movies you definitely don't make one movie. And, you know,

the other side of it, too, if they played with it just a little bit, I don't know, a centibite driven what am I trying to say? Anthology film. Yes. That's kind of something. Whatever. But that's not what this is. This fucking sucks. Well, it's funny. People, we were talking

about a French version of this. It was supposed to be the guys who did inside who were supposed to do the remake for the movie at first. And I would have been so on board. Yeah. I mean, we'll see what this one is like, but I would have, the guys who did inside doing a

Hellraiser movie would have been incredible. That would have been wild. I mean, as it is, we'll see. This Friday comes out. This is, of course, why we're doing this. The Hulu Hellraiser? Hulu Hellraiser. Actually, it would make a great double feature. Yeah, dude, Hulu Hellu-Helraiser and then Hubey Halloween double feature totally. Hell yeah, do that up. But that is going to do it for

the first of several more episodes to come in the 2022 Halloween Spooktacular. If you want more We Hate Movies, of course, patreon.com, slash, we hate movies. where this month's WLM, you guessed at Halloween 78, baby. Yes, the original masterpiece you know, by John Carpenter.

A lot of fun. We already recorded that one. If you are a Loomis fan, you will enjoy it. Oh, absolutely. Quite a lot of it. And, you know, so all of this to come. And we should say, of course, the big Q3 commentary coming out.

The OG 1980, Friday the 13th, sinkable commentary coming out. and towards the end of this month. That's right. But, you know, that's not all we've animation, damnation, gleeplosry, The Nexus, our Star Trek podcast. There is... Melro 2.1. And, oh, we'll be doing once in a lifetime.

Again, we have a movie called The Sitter, which is good and nuts. It's very spructacular. It's the bloodiest lifetime movie I've ever seen. It really is. From the director of Highlander comes a lifetime horror-ish movie. Not the Jonah Hill movie. To be clear.

Yeah, not David Gordon-Grino. This is the sitter. about an evil babysitter, and then there's this movie that we're talking about. Which is also about an evil babysitter. But of course, here on the main feed, the spooktacular continues next week, Steve. What franchise-specific sequel will be talking about? Yeah, we're going to record right after this because it's going to take place right after this. It's Halloween 2.

We're all going to go to the hospital. It's one crazy night, my friend. Totally. One crazy day. Halloween 2, obviously, the Jamie Lee Curtis. 1981, not Robert zombie, correct. So next week, when we're talking about Jamie Lee Curtis, definitely wearing a wig throughout that entire film.

I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's a title of one good scare.

Sometimes. That is better. Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door! They're coming in! It is time to keep your appointment with the Wickhamann. They're coming to get you, Barbara. He's sick for fucks he's seen one too many movies. Now, Sid! Don't you blame the movies!

Movies don't create psychos! Movies make psychos! More creative! Put the fucking lotion in the bad after! What an excellent day for an exorcism. That was a hate gum podcast.