We Hate Movies - S13 Ep651: Moonfall

Episode Date: January 3, 2023

On the first episode of 2023, the gang is ringing in the new year with a convo about an absolutely ridiculous flop from 2022, the totally zany Moonfall! Why couldn’t we get more wild collateral damage kills like in previous Emmerich films? Is a Lexus really the best car for the apocalypse? And how hilarious was that rocket vandalism? PLUS: George Bailey tries to stop the moon fall, but gets his consciousness sucked into the A.I.!  Moonfall stars Halle Berry, Patrick Wilson, John Bradley, Charlie Plummer, Kelly Yu, Michael Peña, and Donald Sutherland as Holdenfield; directed by Roland Emmerich. Click here to snag tickets to catch the gang LIVE in the virtual space on January 26 as they chat about the stunningly bad Thor: Love and Thunder! Ticket bundles available for the exclusive after-party Q&A as well! Check out the WHM Merch Store featuring new SW Crispy Critters, MINGO!, WHAT IF Donna? & Mortal Kombat designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, hop in your spaceship and blast off to stupid city because on this episode, we're talking about moonfall. I'm Andrew Jupin. I am a swarm of bullshit, Stephen Sadek. Eric Fall. Chris Cabin. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to the fine program, a happy new year to you all. Thanks. No, not you. It's for the others. No, the gentle listeners. audience. We rang in the new year together. So we said Happy New Year already. That's true.

Thanks for the kiss, by the way. No problem. Any time. Oh, whoa, double kiss. You cheated on me. Eric? Eric. Things get sticky in the clubhouse. God, I'm kissing and telling over here. What am I doing?

As it is the new year, of course, that means here at We Hate Movies. We are talking about some of the worst of last year. And boy, we have our pick, that was for sure. So if throughout this month, when we get to the end of the month, rather, if you're like, well, what about, listen, there's only a few Tuesdays in this month and there were a shit ton of bad movies last year, one of which is indeed Roland Emmerich's

moonfall. This motherfucker no stranger to we hate movies. No, he's a favorite, if you will. And there's plenty of stuff we haven't even got to. We haven't even gone to fake Shakespeare yet. One day we will have to figure that out. But this is, this I think is emblematic of his problem, which is too many people are talking. When less people are talking, better movie with Roland Emmerk.

I would say Stargate, you don't have, it's a lot of like growling and just grunting. Sure. And space language that we don't really know, like half Egyptian kind of, I guess. But like that, I watched 10,000 BC this morning. Oh, what are you doing, dude? turned it off, turned it off about an hour in. But it does work more than most of his movies, again, because not many people are talking. It's when the people start talking to that the problem, it happens.

I think you're on to something because 2012, I think had also 2012 cast members. It did. Oh, definitely. Absolutely did. It was too much. And this is trying to, I feel that little flares of independence day throughout this, but it's not connecting. No, it's more of 2012 than independent. Independence Day. And I guess Independence Day is the one

exception because you have that cast. You know what? You need Devlin. You need that Dean Devlin to help everybody else out here. Somebody who knows how to, not that that guy's a fucking genius, but he makes Rollin' Demerick looks like a fucking genius. He made his career, right? Because they teamed

up for Universal Soldier and the rest is history. That's when he really got a footholding in Hollywood. Also, Universal Soldier, two people who can barely talk. It's perfect. It's perfect. I mean, I guess my thing with this movie is, you know, he's

done, you know, this is like his umpteenth disaster movie, and this is the one he, as a visualist, has the least idea how to show you. Like, I don't know what a moonfall is and I still don't know. Like, you know what I mean? Like, no, exactly. Like, when the moon is falling, they keep being like, ah, it's really bad

out there. I'm like, well, is there even society left? Like, the moon is a, is like a mile away. I mean, that's bad. No, that's, I mean, they try to do that with, the fucking hillbillies like hunting the family at the end

which is fucking hilarious. Oh yeah. I need that whole movie. That hillbilly would be the functional head of the United States at that point. You know what I mean?

Because nobody else is given orders. Well, you know what? I would like to have a beer with him at least. Yeah, it's true.

He's definitely a state representative at this point. And like, yeah, it's, as I said before we started here, it's more of a moon scrape,

a moon brush, if you will. Like, it's just, I mean I guess I guess yes Just like barely making contact But most of the fuck up is happening Just in that they're barely making contact

Right It's around another possibility of a thing That we could call this though A ribbing by the way Yeah it's a ribbing It's like it just the moon comes down A little rims the earth's little cheek there You know

A lunar rim. Yeah no I mean I get all that But like they show like the little You know Design or not the design like the path that the moon is on, right? And it's like swirling around the earth and it's getting closer to the planet.

And that's not so much of a fall as there's like a moon flush. You know what I mean? It's just that like we're getting smaller and smaller just like the water when you flush a toilet. It's perfect because the moon controls the tides and the toilet is like the tides of my house. That's right.

The tides of my ass at least. The moon is being flushed. Oh, no. each the chard and we're the hole I'd like this a lot I like that this movie starts with there's an alternate lion's gate opening that includes like real space footage

as if this movie's saying like yeah this is possible like yeah this is possible can I say just there's a thing though like I only saw this movie today and I think I maybe saw a preview for it but I think they kept this hidden just to get it out of the way so we can talk a little more freely

about the movie right away like sure i thought this was just going to be like a straight up disaster movie and this is a daggum fucking ancient aliens movie it is it did not see that from the advertising no no you didn't because i think people would have lost their shit a little bit uh the i think people are a little amped up about all the like oh all those people who are saying the moon is fake and the moon landings are fake and conspiracy this conspiracy that i think if you you front load that people aren't as interested as Patrick Wilson's around and we're blowing shit up. Well, what a great idea, Chris,

the year 2020. You know what our hero is going to be a plucky conspiracy theory that loves Elon Musk and absolutely doesn't believe the moon landing was real? Has some interesting things to say about he's forwarding some Jewish documentaries on Amazon you don't want to know about. A lot of people,

a lot of basketball players are coming to his defense. That's right. Yep. Now, but hang on a second. That's not the Patrick Wilson character, dude. No, it's not. That's this disgraced fucking Casey Hausman in-cell basement dweller pretending to have a PhD

in something. He's almost, if not the, I mean, we start with Patrick Wilson, we sort of end with Patrick Wilson, but like, it is Casey's journey for the most part. He's a hero. He makes the ultimate sacrifice at the end of this movie. He pulls the Bruce Willis on Ben Affleck. He does.

Well, that's, I mean, we were talking about it in chat before, is he does have the Sam-wise Gingji role here. And there are people who say that Lord of the Rings is Sam's story. Sure. Like, there are people who argue that especially since the way it ends, the way it ends. But like this one, it is like, yes, he thinks it's a megastructure. It's you understand it's a megastructure up there and the moon. And then that's that half. And then the second part is indeed, he is constantly been like, oh, he is.

Elon. Oh, Elon, if I could just smear your breath and, oh, and take a hair from your head and wash up it every day. So you're saying, Chris, that this guy is one of these losers that we have now that's paying $8 a month for a blue check? Oh, he absolutely is. You said take hair from Elon said you mean hair plug, right? Yes. I mean, they're in his head still. Stop pulling out my hair plugs, pedophile. Oh, you would take, oh, you would take the Munish fake. You are not petrified. you are best friend. Thank you. Anyone who says the moon is real,

that account has been banned. He's gone off the deep end. It'd be cool if he became like a flat earther or something. I mean, it wouldn't shock me at all. It'd also be cool if he pulled the Bud Dwyer on a fucking live stream. Oh, I love that. I would adore this. Some lunatic account would be like,

The moon is fucking fake and all the Jews are doing it. And then like Elon would just reply, exactly. Oh, no. The one that I love though, dude, his fucking one word answers is, interesting oh man fuck you dude

fascinating point you make there it's possible that yes indeed inside the moon it is a bunch of worldly things it's a bunch of worldly bombs

it is possible that Jewish people are just goblins inside of large human suits you're right interesting exactly

oh yeah you know yeah he's from apartheid South Africa he probably doesn't have it all together

upstairs I like you say in part-time South Africa as if it's a place that was I mean that was the capital of South Africa when he was around

and it will be again Steve Oh yes Oh yes You believe that Ridley Scott film legend is actual historically accurate

Interesting I agree with you Oh I don't know You're saying Lord of the Rings is all Samwise's story Must be pedophile Must be.

Yeah, so we start, yeah, it's like, you know, we get some moon footage, some moon landing footage, or do we? And then we just cut to this really like, you know, we're trying to make Patrick Wilson a intrepid, likeable, schlubby astronaut guy because he's singing Toto's Africa to this other guy. About a decade too late on that.

Oh, at least. I mean, people are still singing. that song. Hang on a second. First of all, this scene is taking place in 2011. And also, when the fuck was it, like, just in the last, like, four years, three, four years, like Weezer recorded that. It was like a big hit all over again. That movie's never, that song, rather, has never gone away. I thought that we had turned. We'd all become a nation of Rosanna fans. I'm more of a Rosanna man, okay? That's just all I'm saying. Rosanna is the better song, but this one is the more remembered. Fair or fire.

Correct. Correct, correct, correct. Um, but yeah, 2011, Patrick Wilson, some other dude and then Hallie Berry in a Roland Emmerick movie. Yeah, dude. Never thought I'd see the day. The mighty have half fallen. Oh, yeah. For what it's worth. Oscar fall, dude. That's a, that's the movie. Yeah. Well, meanwhile, Patrick Wilson is right at home. This is exactly right where he needs to be. But it's so fucked up though, right? Like, he's excellent. Oh, yeah. He's great. I mean, I think he's great. He's just like, what? What the fuck with these movies, man? Well, I mean, he was great in Aquaman, but that's the thing.

I like him on the side in bigger movies. But like when he's the centerpiece, then I think he has to be a Roland Emmerich joint. It has to be a little shitty because we're probably trying to get somebody else, right? I mean, Patrick Wilson is definitely someone has passed. He plays villains a lot now. Like he was in that fucking 18 movie. Obviously, Aquaman, I do think he's good in. Oh, is he the bad guy in the 18 movie?

I believe so. he is. He's in those, shit. I mean, the Conjuring movies are huge, actually, to be fair. At least the first one, the third one is like, insidious too. Well, that was the kind of him kind of coming back. But like, is, am I remembering right? He's directing the new insidious.

I'm fucking pumped for that, man. Oh, really? I didn't know that. Yeah, that's pretty cool. But 18 was a decade ago. It took place a year prior to this opening. They're just up in space and instead of singing Toto, he's just like, hey man,

you see any good movies lately they're just talking about it insidious so while they're doing it like they're all having like a real fun time on doing some space stuff and like we find out that Hallie Berry is just married and Patrick Wilson was at her wedding because they're best buds there's this third guy Marcus who's the new guy who's not going to last not long no because there's a huge thing of space diarrhea

it's Jesus Christ they just get shat upon in space It's a space shart. It doesn't even look good. Like, I feel like all the effects in this don't really look good. Because the thing is, it's the easy, lazy way out as being like, oh, it's nanobots. And then you just make it look like a swarm of bugs. And it's terrible. And it's terribly boring to look at.

It's like dust is killing people. Also, but is this, it looks almost exactly like the shitstorm that's supposed to be an actual character in Green Lantern. Yes, Parallax. Parallax. Okay. How could I forget? I mean, it's just, it's a better look. I mean, it's slightly better looking, I guess.

But like, yeah, it's nothing face. It's just. Think about independence there, right? Like, the whatever you think, I mean, like, obviously a lot of practical effects and a lot of CGI effects. None of that matters. The production design, like the designed ships, the designed aliens, they looked like things.

And now it's just like, no, it's just a big swarm of shit that gets you. And if it gets you, you're in trouble because you've got you. And everything in this movie is like blue and gray. Yep. And I don't see how that's exciting. No. Yeah. So, excuse me, the little cloud of nanobots here hits these dudes.

Marcus goes flying. What do you know, Patrick has, Patrick Wilson has the good fortune to be whipped around right back into the space shuttle comfortably. Marcus just bumps in George Clooney. Hey, man, how's it going? Oh, yeah, we're just going to be. Get ready for the rest of your life. Just floating out here, dude.

That's interesting. You're not dead yet, huh? That's all right. I'm just tag it out. Andrew, to your point about Patrick Wilson being flung right back into the ship, I think this is why NASA is just like, dude, you must have done this or something.

Right, yeah. Like you were fucking, we have it on the log that you were like microwaving ramen noodles, like a minute after that guy died. You don't have any bruises, like at all. Like, like,

at least Haley Barry has been hit on the head. Like, at least that's something. You just, it's very suspicious, Patrick Wilson. He should have got a wrench out, hit himself in the head. He should have, honestly. shot himself in the shoulder

like a bat, a shitty cop. Right. Yeah. Oh, there's there's no way they're going to believe that I didn't cause this. He sprinkle some crack out there. There's a drug bust gone wrong on the moon, dude. Of course. So this, this fucking turd cloud here

starts drilling into the moon and you just get this moonfall title card. And the trivia is to believe, which I do believe, this whole sequence of his son, Sonny. Name, replacement name,

like absolutely. We'll figure it out later. That's what that name said. Okay. It was originally sunny boy, all right? We changed it to just Sunny. Happy that, right? Do you think, well, maybe this Patrick Wilson astronaut, maybe he's like a massive Godfather fan. The kid's name is actually Santino.

Oh, nice. I mean, well, yeah, I was about to say maybe Patrick Wilson like hyper italian in this movie but doesn't he have like an irish what's his last harper harper yeah santino harper huh yeah not exactly or like you know maybe the wife is uh like a really you know rich susa marissa tome yeah exactly well what instead of making her a character we give uh all uh characteristics to uh uh what i always fuck up his name her step the step dad michael michael pena like you don't make the wife a character at all but you don't make the wife a character at all but make him a major character. He's a major

character, but he's not really used in any way. He's just like a plot point. Like, I feel like, I feel like he's underutilized. I feel like he's usually funny and affable in movies. And maybe it's the writing, maybe it's the direction. I don't know, but he's just flatlining through this movie. They are. They make him like a clueless

super rich stepdad guy. Well, I mean, Roland Emmerich, next to Steven Spielberg, is one of our foremost autort is about divorce. You know what I mean? He loves it. He loves fucking, because, I mean, that happens in 2012, too, is like the, the world

is ending, the stepdad gets eats shit, and then the mommy and daddy get back together at the end. Yep, totally. And the divorce doesn't hold in Jeff Goldblum's marriage and Independence Day. They're clearly back together. Absolutely. Thank God the first lady

gets taken out of that movie. Dude, some fucking consequence for crying out loud. But it's kind of weird, like, so like, but this scene actually was a reshoot because people were confused. Because then they just jump in the original cut of the movie to like, you know, to housemen and like, and then Patrick Wilson do it the class thing. And then like people are like, why isn't he part of NASA no more? So they put this whole like thing where he's, this kid's looking at the snow globe.

But they're like on the television, they're like, he is no longer part of NASA no more because NASA mad at him. Goodbye. The cry on here is fucking hilarious. It just says, disgraced hero. Leeds case. What is this NASA, like, live feed, like trial, like a tribunal that, like,

everyone is watching? Dude, like, I don't, like, you know, this is like some court TV ship for, like, a NASA hearing. I don't think that this happens, but I guess maybe is it because it's, like, his hometown local news or something?

So they're, like, choosing to be like, hey, the guy that we all know that lives on Chestnut Street, total disgrace. Oh, yeah, I mean, but also, like, the world knows about that.

Like, everybody knows him to be a piece of shit. Like, the fucking, I wish it was a local news story, but it's not, like, it's just this. It's a disaster. I would have, it's news in a way, right? Because it's like, we don't go to, I mean, in 2011, we weren't going to space, right? We haven't gone to space in a long time. NASA itself. So I guess if NASA would do something, maybe it would be a story.

That's my point. It's like 2011. I remember 2011. We all remember 2011. Nobody gave a shit about NASA in 2011. No, I mean, to be fair. a shit about it was when the Apollo 11 movie came out. I mean,

to be fair, we send people into space all the time. We haven't been on the moon since the 1970s. But it's like SpaceX or something, right? Which I know gets named chucked in this. There's NASA things happening. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not trying

to send anyone to the moon because I'm not sure. That might start wobbling. Then somebody takes, somebody too fat gets on the moon. Moon will fall. Fall right down. Can't have that? No, you want John Snow up there. No, you don't want the other guy.

You want John Snow up there. Oh, the moon is hollow. Just like my opponent's policies. Oh, yes. Oh, my God. This fucking movie, man, moonfall, holy fucking shit. Can I just say, though, I mean,

as ridiculous of a turn as this all is and whatever, can I just say, like, if it turned out to be true that we were ancestors from another race of people that built these huge things to send out to other planets

and, you know, terraform or, you know, create planets and we're seeds of those people. Fascinating discovery. Can I just, I think personally, that is a fascinating fucking discovery. Oh, yeah. Sure. I mean, there's no way it's true.

But, man, I was watching this movie and I was like, I don't know, I mean, the falling part or, you know, the moon ribbing, such as it is, you know, not so great. all the mass death. But just like if that was a thing we found out like we were space people like the children of the stars.

I don't know, kind of cool. But this is the effect the movie's trying to have there because it's supposed to be like a huge twist that's like mind altering. Like, whoa. No, I mean, I just remember being like, oh, now we're doing this in this movie?

All right. Too little too late. It's too little too late. And we're literally cutting back from these enormous moon revelations about the history of the human race to fucking sunny in a fucking Jeep driving around getting chased by hillbillies

I don't care about this Absolutely not Once we leave Earth Like yes we gotta leave Earth It should not turn back Because that is the fucking Achilles heel With so much of these Rollinemic disaster movies

Is the family element in them Like I don't care about the human beings I care about the gleep glops And the boom booms And the fucking explosions And the mass death Of animated cartoon character You know what I mean

Like keep the heart wrenching shit out of here Well also it all looks like garbage. It looks terrible. The worst part, I mean, they're up in a moon structure that is completely CGI and it looks much better than what is supposed to be like realistic home views

with like, I mean, it looks so fucking bad. Like, I wouldn't have this, it's almost the level of TV movie shit. This is the most expensive, one of the most expensive, independent movies ever made by the way. Oh, yeah. And it was an enormous bomb. They lit a lot of

foreign money on fire. Oh, yeah. They went to Cannes. They raised money for this movie. Talk about fucking moon flush. I mean, money flush, man. Apps of fucking Lutley. Oh, the thing I was going to bring up, for a lot of this movie, what we're doing,

we're not using green screens. We're using the new thing where we have these massive, like, monitors, like LCD monitors, and we're playing whatever the graphic is. And then you're acting in front of that. That's what they did for, A lot of the Mando and a lot of the perch shots

and the Batman are using that to, like, if you use it right, it does look pretty convincing. But the problem is you have like really lazily put together like background art that just looks like fake fake shit. Like, you know, when you put on those YouTube 10 hour videos of just like a little, you know, comfy cabin room or something with the fire on it's like loosely shittily animated. That's what this all looks like.

it's a fucking $100 million movie. Well, no amount of effects is going to stop your house from being taken away from you when you drink away your shambling career as an astronaut. What I love about this, Chris, is that this guy's trying to evict him from this palsy rents. He can't pay the rent.

Yet he's living in Jay Leno's garage. Sell that car, sell a motorcycle. Like what? Yep. It seems like that's all he has. Because he also lost the house that his wife and child were. I mean, that's before the 10-year jump, which is also, like, weird that it's just like, oh,

yep, 10-year, here we go. This is just telling me we're paying astronauts too much. Just a little too much. And it is like a big, like he sneaks out the window. It's so fucking hack to watch the sequence of the guy, the landlord's banked on the door. Like, I need the rent right now. I'm from another country, but I'm like a landlord. And by the way, if this were a like 1990s role in Emrick movie,

when we still had some fucking teeth in the game, the movie, when things are getting really bad, would just randomly cut back to that landlord, and you'd see that guy fall in a huge hole and die. You know what I mean? Like, that definitely would happen. He's like, ah, moon will not fall,

so long as I get rent. And he looks up, oh, no, moon get me. Oh, wow, moon, wow. The moon scrapes and just like pulls him out to ocean. I do like, when the moon, just starts sucking people up, you know? That's great.

Meanwhile, we're introduced a little bit earlier to Game of Thrones. What's this guy's name? John Bradley. John Bradley. Samwise Gorgie. Samwell. Come on. Come on.

Oh, mighty. Hold on a second. Quite the kit that fully. What was that? The character's name was Samwell Tarley. Yeah. Not Samwise. Gorgie.

Gorgie. As Mr. Chris, Mad Magazine Cabin his footage. Hey look, you get your influences where you get them. Oh, man.

Yeah, he is a fucking conspiracy theorist, real dangerous two online weirdo who pretends to be janitors so you can break into UC Irvine and get, he calls into

like a big, you know, scientific telescope pretend to be this professor because he is independently tracking the orbit of the moon is the idea? Sure. Because he believes it's a megastructure. Yeah. Dude, hearing this fucking

Englishman just shout out megastructure, everyone is not, is trying as hard as they can in this movie to not say megastructure. And this guy's saying it left and right. Yeah. I said it a ton. It's also weird. He later we see that he's working at a fast

food drive through window. I've never heard an English accent come out of one of those. No. I mean, I would love it. I appreciate that they don't make him do an American accent. You know what I mean? Like, you want this guy because he's got the energy you want. That's fine. Yes. But then, like, they go through all this stuff. Like, his mom is American for some reason. And then, like, there's some line when he's like in that hotel room, Patrick Wilson, like, well, when after me dad died, we moved back to the States, back to where my mom is from. Like, I don't care. You truly don't give a shit.

You throw in that one stray line. Like, they do in Schwarzenegger. movies you know it's like yeah i was born in austria but then i came here and i'm a cop you know yeah it's supposed to be about his partnership with patrick wilson like if you want to build a buddy team they should be talking about those things like i know most things are like show don't tell but like stuff like that like my mom is like it has it doesn't remember me like stuff like that is stuff that would make them intimately connected or like Patrick wilson's fucking mad at nassah as well and starts leaking shit to this that'd be nice oh that would be kind of cool. What's actually interesting

about this guy, John Bradley, you know, we know him as you know just playing an Englishman on that Game of Thrones right, but what's funny is the first time you hear him speak in the movie he is doing an American accent because he's pretending to be this

doctor. Yes. And before I put that together, I was like, oh man, they're making this guy from Game of Thrones do a fucking American accent. Why? And then thankfully, like the very next scene he's talking like himself. Because nobody from London or Britain Has ever taught at a University of California

It's just it's never happened ever In the history of time So yeah he works at whatever I was surprised I mean I guess because God the new Godzilla snapped it up first This guy doesn't have a podcast Like it would be so obvious Like welcome back to my YouTube channel

Or whatever or something thing Instead they have a website Where he does have like a vlog of some kind That's right It looks more like the real Ridler's website from the Batman

it's more of that type you're seeing it precisely one time you know like his name is not

podcast which I know was not the Godzilla movie but similar I just you gotta redo

the script what's that podcast there the moon's in trouble show me podcast go you know what

podcast you and I have a lot of the same thoughts about Elon Musk and conspiracy theories

Nyang speaking of conspiracy theories later in the movie we do get a reference to security level Q clearance. Oh, really? Oh, yes.

That's what the NASA outgoing director gives Hallie Berry. Harper, we've got to go to the Capitol. They're stealing it from the president. We've got to rush the Capitol Harper. Well, you know, I just got disgraced from NASA. I don't know if that's the best idea for me, but. The Shaman told me we have to go to the Capitol on chance. Fair enough.

if your medicine man said it, let's go. Harper, we have to go and we have to take AOC's hairbrush for very conspiratorial reasons for me. It's definitely not for whacking off. It's just for conspiratorial reasons. It's very, it's for intelligence reasons. It's not for me to smelly smell while I wank. Okay, but I get first breath.

Okay. I don't want to come on a comb. I just need it for science reasons. Harper, take this hammer and go to Nancy Pelosi's house. He might have done it. He might have done it at that point of his life. So NASA is like kind of starting to figure out some readings here. Some dudes like, hey, the moon's orbital radius is decreasing.

And it cuts back and forth with housemen like trying to figure out. like how he can get in touch with NASA because we see him call at one point and it's like the NASA gift shop Har Har Har. So he comes home And this is like the first of a couple of the lines where they have this character S that dude's D

but this is where he's like How do I call NASA? How would I call NASA? Oh, what would Elon do? And then like the joke is he goes and like talk shit on the internet And that's how he drums up Worldwide Awareness.

Yeah. Yeah, that's what they're doing. doing smart move what would Elon do well first he'd ask his mother for some more emeralds yes he would talk to the Saudis and get some bank funds going and then

they'd be right on a roll right then take his other companies that Hallie Barry the head of NASA she's just a pedophile Jessica just in the foul as a pedophile um what do you

he's got this he's got this cat that's named fuzz aldrin of course that's fun and my question about this for the for the cat folks here okay so i've never owned a cat i'm too allergic um when they're just like angerly pissing all over your house what's going on there that means you're not taking care of your cat at all exactly oh i said that litter box probably never been fucking cleaned it means he's lashing out he probably doesn't get any attention he's not getting played with he's probably not being fed adequately oh no that's what also you would do he would ignore his loved ones he would ignore things that he was supposed to be

responsible for is also what Elon would do so I'm doing that he could piss and shit everywhere he likes when we were moving for the first time one of my cats just to look my wife dead in the eye because it was like weeks of like moving boxes and like everything was unrest for the first time in this cat's life he just sat down on a pile of clothes that my wife was folding and pissed on him while looking at it like oh my god

and he's never done that before or since but like that's you know some that is how they kind of communicate to you. Remind you who's in charge, you know. Well, I guess, yeah, so I guess he is trying to communicate here because the cat pisses all over this newspaper clipping that this gentleman then picks up with his bare hands.

Oh, dude, yeah, yikes, dude. And he's like, it's like an, it's like an advertisement for Astronaut Day at the observatory. And he's like, oh, thank you, Fuzz Aldrin, for pissing on me newspapers. I'm not going to have washed me heads. Bye, Fuzzoldren. Yeah, then he

licks his fingers and he gets out there. starts talking to Patrick Wilson who is like also like I kind of would have loved it if they just went in as like lethal weapon style this guy's just an alcoholic like just like explain it later what happened and everything like I didn't need that

little brain I know people needed it but like if he was just an alcoholic and be like yeah well Hellie Barry kind of fucked me over there's clearly smarter ways to do it dude and that fucking moving scene is just for really dumb motherfuckers

also why you don't just say what's happening to the moon as we see the moon is farting the moon is letting off lots of streams of black gas like yes just too much cheese too much a lot of stuff also it's got this AI bug inside it

but like it's funny that they're just like oh yeah there's a bunch of gas floating into our face this is scary this is a scary thing that's happening they uh he has this like uh conference with these kids and like uh you know um houseman gets there first so he's like pretending to be patrick wilson and he's telling them all these crazy conspiracy theories some of which are true or at least like people do actually believe which is always great

you always want to encourage these people like the ideas which ones which are wait you're saying yeah were you pinning down some real ones here you're saying that what he's saying his conspiracy theories are actually true is what you're saying no no not true but are believed by people on this earth in the real world. They're not just conspiracy theories written for the movie. Exactly. Something, something about how the moon's distance is exactly three times away from the fucking sun and three times away

from the whatever. All that stuff is just like, why is that children? And it's like, I don't know, dude, just because that's how it is? Yeah, but then so how does that relate back to the Jews though, dude? That's a great question. Well, three plus three, you've got six, six, six, six eventually, you know? Mark of the Beast. Dude, you just like see these people online.

doing the fucking gymnastics to make this stuff work in their head. It is some of the saddest shit, man. I mean, it's funny. Don't get me wrong. It is hilarious, but it's also like dangerously sad. Yes. Yes. So my man here, Casey goes to see Brian, but also conspiracy pills all these kids into believing in megastructures. And this teacher who went away

to go figure out something is fired. for sure. Absolutely. You just left these kids in the middle of the Griffith Observatory or whatever? Like, what did you learn today? Billy?

Well, we learned that the Earth was flat, actually. We learned about Jewish space laser. The moon is the death star, and it's crazy the restraint to not quote any of those lines from Star Wars. Absolutely. You also get the one kid

who's like Jason Reitman from Ghostbusters 2 is like, yeah. You're full of crap. You're just don't, you're an astronaut you're full of crap no you don't look like an astronaut you're full of crap that's his old thing because you're you're a big fat guy right

you don't look like an astronaut and I love his light he goes the damn moon is hollow now put that in your pipe and smoke it the damn moon is hollow come on man while this is going on this is where Patrick Wilson's like waking up

and you're totally right Chris make him really hung over here, make it, liquor bottles all over the place. But when he dodges this landlord, this is some of the really bad fucking screen background stuff I was talking about. Like, when he jumps out of the driveway on that motorcycle, that is completely in front of a screen.

When he pulls up to the observatory, like that parking lot, all of that is totally screened. And it looks so bad. It looks really bad because it's all so much more like very clearly like cartoonish-looking escapapar to everything. Like, when they go

to the hotel, too, it's like completely looks like shit until you get into the actual hotel because then it's actually stylized. But before then, it just looks like a cartoon. Because all of that is fake. Like, that sign is just fake. CGA. It's goddamn. I mean, this is a really nice

like warning sign for like, hey, you want to use this fucking, you know, LCD technology or whatever. Like, look what happens when you use it poorly. You're making me like getting nostalgic overseeing like a neon sign shot on real film like that's literally all I want to see

at this point and I can't fucking get it you'll never see that again it's going to be in like a Nolan film and that's it yeah like you're spending hundreds of million dollars on this movie and I know you're not shooting it in the United States it's in Canada but like you couldn't take a day to have Patrick Wilson just get a permit

have Patrick Wilson right up on a motorcycle in front of the Griffin Observatory or just use another building that you have easier access to as you're I mean come on Nope, we got to flush the moon. So you got to, we got to move on to flushing more moons before we do that. So Patrick Wilson shows up

and he gets these security guards to like escort houseman out of there and houseman's got a bunch of his research printed out. And he's like, hey, just read it. You know, and then he's like, why does it smell like cat piss? No reason. Just read it. Is this a tea? Probably not.

Probably cat piss. Oh, get back to you after you read it. There's got to be someone out there drinking cat piss at tea time, right? That's what they do instead of getting vaccinated, dude. This is the way out. I love this moment where, like, he's leaving the observatory or something. It's something around this time. the wife is

like, this is where the wife calls and she's like, I can't believe you're calling right, like, you know, what's going, with all that's going on or something like that. And he's like, what are you talking about? And like, we cut to fucking white Bronco, O.J. Simpson films. What are we

like, what are we doing? The sun is in a high speed car chase in the fucking opening minutes of this movie? I thought we were talking about the moonfall. Exactly. This is going to set up his great driving later in the film escaping the moon falling. God damn, it's dumb.

I mean, he does a moon, he does a moon jump. Yeah, he does the moon jump. We actually don't get enough of, you know, I know I don't even want him in the movie. I don't even want this section. But to build it up like this, him being pulled over for this car chase or whatever, we really don't get enough of him doing that at the end of the film. No, no, we don't. And I honestly, if you're going to introduce a teenage son like this and actually use

them, which they do, which is terrible. what you should do is just send him to space get him up there too oh if he got in on it yeah I mean you can even I know Steve is gonna is gonna yell in a minute

but even as a stowaway I would I would at least accept it no you know what in this instance if we're stowing away to streamline the narrative I can get behind it Chris in this one instance

okay I like that because it does come together quickly when they do have to take off like he could just fucking to be like, oh, I'm going, I'm leaving now, but, but, but, but, but inside. Because it is, it's very like, that part

is very much like contact, you know what I mean, like where the first one blows up and the next one you have to use it. And just do that and be like, we just need another set of hands. Sunny, you happen to be here. You want to come up and just help your dad? It's like, absolutely. We don't have a suit for you, so you'll probably die very soon.

Do you want to help for a second? You have no training to go into space. In this movie, it's kind of just like taking along like a cross-country flights. Don't worry about it. it's not so bad you could you could sort of position i mean you have him you know skillfully driving this car maybe it's a thing where he's a fucking you know gearhead he's a car enthusiast and so it's like all right you have some mechanical skills that you know it's not a one to one but that might transfer we could use an extra set of hands or something because let's face it game of thrones guy

isn't going to be much for getting around the shape you know talking about car guy and shit you could have condensed that with the j leno's garage that uh patrick wilson has and maybe doesn't even have to be as estranged as the movie has us, but I know, I know Roland loves divorce, so here we are. Which, like, you could still have divorce and have the kid have a good relationship with his father, you know. But impossible. No, I'm kidding. But so this guy, this kid goes to, he just turned 18 and like, hey, we have to treat you like an adult. And like, it's the hearing. And then Patrick Wilson's like, the drugs weren't his. It were his friends. He was just scared. What the fuck. And like, pardon me? I don't know. I don't know what a drugs.

I wanted more of that arrest scene now. Yes, exactly. Well, the arrest scene that you do see is just from the TV, and it is hilarious because, again, in this world that this movie is set in, like the United States public at large is way more tuned in to the lives and names of astronauts. Because when this kid's getting arrested, they're like, oh yeah, you know, fucking sunny so-and-so. You know him as the son of disgraced astronauts. Come on. Come on. No way.

The son of aeronautical shithead Brian Harper is being fucking in the middle of news. Like this is like a huge news break. And this is supposed to be California, right? Yes. Yes. It's Los Angeles. This is major dues that this fucking shithead is doing this. Like I don't know. I think the LA News loves doing like high speed car chases. I do. Because they're always crossing their fingers. Oh, come on, man. I let it happen to happen again. Come on, baby.

A fiery wreck, shootout, OJ2. Yeah, any of that. OJ2, he's back and better than ever. They rebuilt him stronger, faster. He's killed two waiters now. Now he's Nevada's problem. Meanwhile, Michael Pena was like, he hired the lawyer and he's pissed and like, well, you know, how are we going to get sunny out of jail?

It's like, well, he's going to have to cool his heels for a weekend, but then we're going to figure it out. this kid, the story that you don't see is this kid in fucking real LA jail while the moon is falling when the military comes to get him there's nothing left they're like first of all like who's like the moon is falling

like you're telling me these guards are showing up for work nope absolutely not like no one's feeding these people we hate the prisoners in this country all of these people would have starved to death long ago quickly to leap back to OJ2 I got the tagline there courtesy of Chris Cabin. You're OJ2 colon, Nevada

going to believe this. Nevada going to believe this. Yeah, you know what? I'll take it. Yeah. I love that. That could also be the... That would look good on a poster.

That could also be the New York Post headline for when he gets married again. Sorry. Sorry. Steve, you were talking about the prisoner's situation. Well, no, I mean, it's the second time I'm going to be able to say this. It would turn into Jose Saramago's blindness very quickly. And everybody would just be blind in fucking eating each other and killing each other. And that's kind of how it would be.

Oh, no, no. I was just reminded. I read that book, like, I don't know, decade, like almost over a decade ago at this point. But, like, I was just thinking about the other day. And I'm thinking about, like, societal collapse, because this would be societal collapse immediately. Oh, absolutely. And the last place you want to be is in jail at that point. Absolutely.

the last place you want to be it's such a fucking tease though Eric like we see it but it is such a little it's just like seeing a fucking tit for two seconds oh total tease oh my god I like that because you like I need more of that

you get a terrorist on the news too they're talking about religious sex doing violence and you see like yeah like sex cults breaking out yeah it starts like footage on the news of looting and they're like chaos blah blah sort of like the news now Keith Rainiery is fucking running freeing

Yeah, but then they got this guy with like guns and this beard and it's like oh boy, the terrorists are here now. I'm like, what? The religious fanatics. Armed religious fanatics is the terms they use with this. And I was wondering, do you think that's just to set up the weird

guys at the end? The hick militants which would be nice if we leaned into that. Like, give me anything from that to that. The way that they focus in on the television News broadcast again when they're talking about

some guy who has created this like sex cult that is like rising up or whatever and they show the guy and it's like an actor playing this guy I was like oh because this is a Roland Emmerks movie man and like he loves folks in a bunch of different groups

of people we are going to see what these people are doing during the moonfall shit that would be cool and they never cut back to that guy well because there's no there's no scope whatsoever to your point it is a tit for for two seconds like i would love to see like what is what is anything like you know what i mean like even 2012 does this better because it had a better bigger budget in terms of just like kind of showing the world off the rails you know what i mean and just

like the moon is getting closer and closer like that that becomes evident uh because uh houseman leaks that news uh it's kind of great uh hallie berry is like number two at nassah we're not talking about her a lot who cares she's number two at NASA her boss is just like you always wanted my job you got it I'm going and everyone's just going to Colorado

like Colorado is like this we were just there it's lovely it's not invincible no it's closer to the moon it's closer I mean the thing that you made me realize something Steve as you were saying that

like really besides the Roland Emrick ubiquitous New York City being destroyed in that one shot. You see the... New York gets drilled. Chrysler building

gets fucking punted like a football. Did you notice the one building he didn't destroy? The Freedom Tower stands. Come on. Give it a... Give it a hit. They cut before it definitely is destroyed.

I mean, it's not making out of it. But like, aside from that... Bad taste. The moon would think that's bad taste. I can't take that down. The moon would say too soon. But, Besides that, though, it really does feel that once we leave L.A., this movie, like, the only place the moon is falling is in Colorado.

Because none of the characters are spread out, like, in 2012, isn't there also like, there's those guys at the science station and they have their own little story. And they never meet anybody else. It's very much more spread out in 2012, which it's not a good movie, but it's better than this. So, and like, ID4, you have, you know, not a ton of it, but it's like at least people in different parts of the country. and then you see at least here and there the shots of the different groups all over the world. Different kinds of people too in that film.

Really quickly, a line of, I watched this movie by the way in theaters because I was so excited at the trailer looked so stupid to be in my way. Incredible. Wow, so you contribute to the $11 million box. It was two of us and we got drinks at Alamo

so we were probably, I don't know if that goes towards the box off. Sorry, $19 million. It made in the United States and Canada. That is really, really terrible. We didn't get chicken fingers. So maybe that,

to your point, I'll just toss out there because it's a little interesting fact. Sometimes depending on, you know, whatever the deal is that the company is demanding, and this is strictly with like bigger films only, like Disney kind of stuff. They may sometimes say like, cool, like our take is this percentage of your ticket sales

and also this percentage of your fucking concession. Yeah. Oh, wow. Every once in a while. while that will happen. That's insane. But sometimes your Moonhattan will count towards Moon Falls budget. Oh, well done, dude.

Did you have a Moonhattan, Steve? I had a moon over Miami, though. So here's the question. There's this line, it's like these two science guys who don't eat shit at the end of the movie and they should. Which science guys? The two science guys. Oh, they do eat shit.

The white guy and the black guy? Yes, those two guys. Oh, they go down hard. They do go down. But like when the moon stuff is being revealed and the guys like the first head of NASA is like, oh my God, that means we have three months like, well, no, actually, sir, because the moon is getting closer, time is going to change and months will be shorter. Therefore, we only have three weeks. And I'm like, yep, none of that makes sense. Why don't you just start with three weeks? Just tell me three weeks. What's with this fucking nice little fucking three months? So if the moon started to rapidly spit around the globe faster,

you think everyone's like, that's a day, that's a day, that's you just flip in your calendar. No, you're fucking like internal clocks of the clocks you have on your phone, etc. They would not follow, they don't follow the moon. Nobody has any sense of time anyway. The world is ending fucking maniacs.

Time is fake. It's fucking bullshit, dude. I would love like a seven-minute Thanksgiving scene. Literally, it's just like, all right, it's the seven minutes it's Thanksgiving. We're going to celebrate it. Cook a turkey in 20 minutes. But you hold it out to that hot moon that's coming down. Here it comes.

Yeah, you get ready. And when the gravity starts getting wonky for whatever reason, you let the turkey go. And it goes flying up. And on its way up, it gets, like, cooked, you know, and going through the atmosphere. And then by the time the moon keeps moving, you know, then the turkey drops back down, you catch it right on a track. Yeah, moon roasted.

Moon roasted turkey, dude. Two neighbors, like, at each other, just hanging out outside, right near the fucking mailbox. And, you know, Bob, I just feel like the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas just gets quicker and quicker every year. Oh, no, it's the moon's falling.

It's, everything's quicker now. See that big fiery hole in the sky? There's been 10 sunsets today. Wait, there's the, what's going on? Are you serious, man? Oh, yeah. The Marvel movies are like 15 minutes now, man. I just want to watch them.

They go right back 15 minutes. It would be interesting if you actually saw some consequences of the moon going around, the earth multiple times. I know the consequences of the tides and the flooding or whatever that does happen. But like, show me some quick sunsets and sunrises and shit. It'd be really kind of cool. Yeah, exactly. While they are discussing this whole like,

oops it's actually three weeks they're like well so what are we going to do how can we keep this from the public the funniest part of this movie is all of their phones start exploding with like emergency alert updates that just goes moon

out of orbit phone alert you're to stop between I think yes the earth rotates and that causes day and night so maybe the moon wouldn't necessarily affect it but maybe some more eclipses pal exactly who knows but this movie does say

that time would be faster because the moon is rotating faster that doesn't make any sense and it never has if I move my legs faster my I don't know time goes faster too then right yes so how it works Casey Oh just trust Elon Eric

Whatever Elon says is what's true Oh god One of the dumbest lines in this movie in a fucking solar system of stupid lines is when Hallie Barry's like having it out with this NASA guy and

she just goes I work for the American people and you're keeping them in the dark and I'm just like you know what you just you work for NASA all right you know do you really work for the American people I don't think so. I don't think so the dark

the answer would be like hey man you want me to tell them that the moon is falling do you want your neighbor to fucking eat your child tonight I don't think so that's what's going to happen you're going to go home and your kid is going to be between two pieces of bread because we went on national television. California Cheeseburger.

Exactly. And told people that the moon was falling. If that happened, are you eating a kid, Steve, let's say, you see a nice plump one across, you know, in the window across the way. You going over there? No, I mean, I would take the Donald, which I will now call the Donald

Sutherland out of this one, dude. Yeah. Which you know what? Fuck you movies. Show me that shit. Exactly. He's fucking, he's rolling away in that wheelchair dude and he just like puts it on autopilot and he blows his brains out. As the seat starts, I mean, it's a three-minute Donald Sutherland cameo, which is, you know, apparently. Did you see the trivia? Oh, go ahead.

You got it. You got it. His son, Rogue Sutherland was one of the Vackers of this. Excuse me? There's a rogue, Sutherland. Roeg. How are we? We got a rogue Sutherland.

The Sutherland has gone rogue. It's spelled, well, it's this, how would you say the. the name of the director Nicholas Reg. It's spelled the same way. So however, his name was pronounced. Maybe that's how this is pronounced. No idea. R-O-E-G. He is a

financier and he was, his money is part of this conglomerate that made this one of the most expensive stupid movies ever made. And they're like, hey, do you want to ask your dad if he wants to be in this? And he is.

Yes, I named you after the man who got me to feel up Julie Christy it was a lot of fun I mean I get it you know like that stuff happens all the time and everything and it's like it's a Canadian production

and sure the Sutherlands are Canadian royalty and whatever but I don't know man like you show me fucking Donald Sutherland in a movie I'm hoping for at least 10 minutes exactly and the way that they set it up is like he was this mysterious character that like was charged

with, you know, like hiding all of this information about the conspiracy, like they knew it all and everything. They knew that it was hollow because of the Apollo 11 emission or whatever. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, I don't know, that's kind of fascinating. You're totally swimming in this pool of conspiracy theories.

Like, this dude was involved in a cover-up. Like, why is it not a character? Do you think they tried to get Kiefer originally? And they were like, wait, wait, wait, way, a moon already landed on that guy. Oh, totally. dude, yeah. That guy already, he blew his brains out on a golf course. Much better moonfall melancholy. I mean, I was going to say if Kiefer, I want his last

bit in this whole world is tackling that Christmas tree. I really, I really want that to be the last work. I love that video. It's so wonderful. That's great, but he's also truly great in melancholy. He is very good. And I mean, this is like, the thing I always think about with Emrick is that because of all these characters you have, like the action does suffer tremendously because of all the characters. So he really is just like an altman for shitheads. Yes. Like it's just as many characters as you can get

in there and we're just going to have them do the dumbest shit you've ever heard of. Just how about a moon scrape? We're going to do a moon flush and a moon scrape. Just get a bunch of characters have to deal with the moon scrape and that's it. We'll let it ride. And that's kind of what all those movies

have been other than like the Shakespeare movie. The only thing that's missing though is like you got to have all those people then like talking over one another. Yes. Well, they are talking a lot. It's just all crap. It's just like the worst shit you've ever heard. Hey, speaking of the worst shit you ever heard, I think another candidate for worst line in this movie is that part where Michael Peña is like trying to talk with the wife about like, let's just get a Colorado. Got to get a Colorado, dude. And they have the news footage on in the background and it's getting kind of gnarly and whatever and scary for the kids. And

he goes, hey, Google, turn off TV. Like, come on. Just, God damn it. If you have to do that, I mean, just do TV off. Dude, why does it have to be a fucking commercial for Google? We had a commercial for Lexus when we showed his job. Dude, Lexus is the fucking fifth character of this movie. Yeah.

Scott Eastwood, I think. He plays Lexus, yeah. Oh, man. Imagine having to be the person who has to give the Lexus people a call after the fucking, what, the $2 million opening. a lot of people are seeing it and they say that they like the Lexus in it they like how we used it but it's just I don't know one of those things where it's like it's a Lexus like do you really need to have it advertised in a movie I feel like if you're a person that can afford to buy a Lexus you're aware that a Lexus exists

you're not buying it because of moodfall you're saying yeah yeah precisely but that's just the thing it's like even from the point of view of just like the movie like they're trying to sell it as like, you know what would be the perfect vehicle for when the world is ending, a Lexus. Totally. I'm just like, who cares? The official car of Armageddonet. Just get me a truck or something. God damn it.

The official car, we're all dead. Yeah, it's great. I don't know if it's four horsemen. It's four Lexusmen. This is a hemmy. It's got four horsemen of their apocalypse power. What we're going to do for the next ad for Lexus is we're going to have the beautiful Lexus

playing chess with Max von Seidau and we're just going to see how that goes. Get a new Lexus pestilence today. Don't wait for the famine model. It might not come out. Buy the new Lexus horn of Gabriel.

I mean, to the Donald Sutherland thing, you do want at this point, we do expect an ad Astra. You want that length exactly. Yeah. Ad Astra and backdraft have the perfect amount of side Sutherland. At Astros is as low as I'll go, dude.

You're absolutely right. That's all I can do today. By the way, great moon movie right there. Fantastic. Hell yeah. James Gray got fucked over making that movie, man. Release the gray cut. Absolutely, please.

But so they decide, all right, we're going to launch some rockets to the moon and see what's going on. And this sort of montage is where we do get all the stuff about like looting civil unrest is immediately going on. This is where, oh, this is where it was. they have the thing about religious fanaticism and the guy looks exactly like Rasputin. Oh yeah. This guy's going to be in the

character. Yes, he should be a character in the movie. You got to make a guy that looks like Grasputin, he's got to be in the movie. Like when they're about to figure it out and he walks up with a suicide vest on or something. So it's exactly exactly contact is what you're saying. Yeah, yeah. You know what? We just keep making contact again

because it was a better movie. Very true. Underwatched movie that contact. It's a much maligned. Oh yeah. The Zemechus, before what lies beneath that era kind of got forgotten, I think. But like the hotel, so Harper goes to meet Casey at the hotel, and this is where we start getting the flooding. And there's this scene where very clearly Harper is looking at Casey, getting swept up by the

tides, and is wondering, do I save this fat man? Oh, yeah. Do I want to bother? Because, like, come on, he's right there. I can't swim. First of all, come on. come on you can't swim I mean you can swim even a little bit

to the stairs that are four inches away from it come on I can barely swim but I can get those stairs I mean hey he's asking for it doggy paddle it come on exactly work for it dude he's he like what is it he gets like swept up and just staring at the tidal wave like

because Patrick Wilson has to be like hey man you know tidal wave and shit and this dude just like staring at it and it smashes I thought this dude was dead I was like all right He just got hit with a title wave and like glass coming at him at a very forceful speed. And then instead at the end

we get, we got to do it for Casey. Oh, dude, whatever. Jesus Christ. But it's kind of great. So like, yeah, there's this stupid conference and like we're taking some pot shots of conspiracy theories. But yes, the title wave comes in. Oswald did it.

Now, Gary. Not now, Gary. What's funny about that line too is him shouting out that Oswald did it. That's like the Warren Commission's report on it. Exactly. That's the opposite of conspiracy. Yes, exactly.

It's the actual thing that is supposedly happened, which it definitely didn't. Did not. But, yeah. But they, so like now it's just him and Patrick Wilson in this hotel room together. Like, well, I guess the world is ending. Going to just like bunk up for the night. Dude, it's fucking bathrobe time with these guys. Dude of them in bathrooms is hilarious.

Like, we're just drying our clothes out, I guess. is the idea, but it's just a couple of dudes hanging out in a hotel room talking about how terrible their lives are in bathrooms. My dad was a flat earther. He often told me that you could fall off the edge of the

world and that's what my mom said he did. He fell off the edge of the world. He went out for cigarettes and fell off the edge of the world, he did. I knew daddy was too close to the edge of the world. I was like, Don't come back, Daddy. Why don't you go buy cigarettes at a store that's not so close to the edge of the world?

Are you telling me the ice guards didn't stop him? No. The guys with the machine guns on the edge of the world? No, they didn't, Mr. Harper, but daddy, he got too close to the truth. Wait, Eric, is that seriously a conspiracy thing? Yes, yeah, yeah, that there's, like, I guess, like armed personnel to stop you from finding out the truth that the world ends at that. point. And our personnel, like not from any particular government. I don't remember. Ice knights, much like game of

Thrones. Right. Yeah. That's exactly. Like the wall. Yeah. But so like at this point, Hallie Berry has sent government helicopters. Very important that government helicopters never go out of business. That they can get you anywhere you need to go in exactly five minutes, no matter what. No matter what the script details. So they get picked up by helicopters like I got to bring my fat friend here with me

because he knew that the moon was falling like I don't know dude you barely met this guy he had you pissy paper and all of a sudden your best buds. He read well he read all the piss paper and was like despite the fact that the entire time I was reading this I was

choking back vomit his calculations are stunningly accurate so like he's on board with it and I guess maybe because you know he doesn't know how our friend here came to this information

he brings him along so the guy can like back it up or whatever but normally you're right Steve like shoot this guy in the head and just take the professional astronaut with you. Yes and make it about what you two want to do rather than what this guy

wants to do because he's pretty annoying I'll be honest and honestly if he can't swim you're going to bring him up to space you really honestly think that's an okay thing to do. I mean, talk about the, you know, to quote Arbigan

and the great William Fickner, talk about the wrong stuff. He says that in that movie. Is the like all the training you do where you're in time like cyclotrons and you're spitting around and not throwing up and all this stuff like the mental and physical

anguish you have to get to get inside of a fucking astronauts cockpit. This guy is just there. He was a janitor yesterday. And now he's just did it. Well, that is the, that is the thing that I find really fascinating about this movie, Steve, is because it really puts through the notion, not just with your crew, but like the whole act of going into space is just as simple as peeling a car out of a drive.

Yes. Because when they like are, you know, eventually, you know, we're getting a little ahead of ourselves here, but it comes down to like, you know, there's one rocket left and, you know, they have to chitter get off the pot and do this thing. So it's Halliberry Patrick Wilson and our friend Mr. Casey Hausman here in the rocket. And Hallie Barry's like, all right, everybody else can go home except these two other dudes. That's all

we really need to get this launch off. And then they get into the spacecraft. And she's like, all right, dudes, you guys can go home. I'll take it from here. And she just like fires her up and drives the fucking space. It can't be that simple. And literally when she fires it up, there's water.

from a flood engulfing this thing and they just make it out and I'm like, no, that's not how it works. I think she pulled the view finder down or the sunblock thing down and got the keys that way.

Oh, I think that's definitely. The Kenny Loggins music starts playing. Patrick Wilson, you're flooding it. You're flooding it. You're flooding it. We're just going to the fucking danger zone so casually, just flying in the space. It is so.

so fucking funny. Also, like, when Halliberry has that impassioned speech because, like, yes, it's very much like contact. The first one is destroy, or they have only one rocket left, et cetera, et cetera. I just like, you know what? All of you people have done great work to get us up to speed. You can now go home. I'd be like, hey, my

house is under 50 feet of water. I guess I'll stay here for the night. If that's cool with you. You know, I think yes, that's definitely some dudes would definitely have to do that. But it is funny, Steve, that there's not, what I was totally expecting

to have happened was the fucking control room to radio back and be like, I don't think so, ma'am. We're with you till the end. But everybody's like, no, yeah, fuck this. And they all just abandoned them. They all run to Colorado and they're all

killed by religious extremists. They immediately get on all these helicopters and they all fall into gravity waves of water that drown them. And like, it's immediate. Like, they get on these helicopters immediately. And that's after, by the way, we've also survived some like earthquake that shattered the entire building and then everything's just right back up afterwards. Yeah,

everything's totally fucking fine. I really, I would, I would have to kick this because what they do is they go and get the endeavor from some fucking museum. Uh, and that's, which has graffiti on it that says fuck the moon because people were mad at the moon. I love that detail. It's very funny. They actually call it back when she's like, oh, You know what? I'm kind of liking Fuck the Moon now on the side. But if you heard this Casey Hausman, you're in this fucking truck hauling this goddamn endeavor down the road. There are gas thieves just everywhere around you. And this idiot just says, wow, this is exciting.

Wouldn't you be like, I have to kick him out of the car? He has to go away. It's just got to be us. I'm sorry. Nothing is exciting. people are cannibalism this is exciting they should have

of mice and men with that guy yes please well they kind of hey oh hey Casey could you read this this print out really quickly

we got some new data and we'd love you to analyze and he just like turns toward the river and looks at it reading his paper and then they just blow

his fucking brains out no he reads his paper and just says this is exciting and you're going to kill me aren't you well fine

just let me have a final prayer I believe in one Elon the father the almighty the creator of Twitter and SpaceX I hope I'm a reply guy in heaven

oh favorite me in heaven Elon favorite me in heaven steal my memes in heaven Elon steal my memes yeah I did it all

for the memes not that but memes also, if you're trying to save the world from a moon far, you is petaphyl because the moonfall will actually kill all the petapiles. So you must be anti-killing petapiles. Right, and Mars is where the non-petophiles are. That's right, Mr. Musk.

Thank you, Eric. I do love Hallie Berry looking at the fucking footage of that astronaut team. Oh, yeah. And the fucking, like, it's not a creature really but the nanobots like jamming into these fucking helmets killing these people pretty cool stuff yeah cool enough but it's just like I just I hate the way these things look and slash do not look you know what I mean like it is yeah it looks like a sci-fi movie like sci-fi channel yes it is pretty cheap that the only way you see it is through the fucking

security footage like you don't see it when it happens I don't think anyway by the way over an hour into this. We have not mentioned Kelly you as Michelle because she is a non-character. She does three and a half things. The first scene with her it's Hallie Barry, she's like getting her kid ready for bed and she's ready for breakfast and she's like hey, could you just make sure that he

and like not, could you just make sure that he gets ready for school and he has breakfast and she's like, no problem. Absolutely. I'm like, are they going to relate? I really thought I was like, hey, moonfall. Yeah. I was like, cool, man. Good for moonfall. Yeah. It would please explore this more. But it turns out not

be the case? She's just a exchange student that lives with Halliberry. That is not the dynamic they are playing in that scene. I'm sorry. Just plain, like, I'm more willing to believe the idea that they first shot it with the idea that they were a couple and then we're like, let's say maybe not. And then we're

like, oh yeah, he's a nanny or something. A foreign exchange student who is sentenced to be your nanny for your son? What is this? Great question. Yeah, it's not great. But like, also, Yeah, there's a, there's an intimacy to that first scene. I was actually really excited.

They're groggy, they are just in their PJs, hanging each other, coffee. It feels like, it feels like a couple. Yes, because Hallie Barry's like, you got to do this for the boy. You know, he's got this to do today. And this is, the numbers on the fridge, blah, blah, blah. And then, you know, they cut. And, you know, Kelly, you like, sort of like fucking bites or lower lip and it's just like, I have everything under control.

Don't worry about it. And I was like, do you just eat her out? I was really stunned that that is not the case. It's as intimate as the Maxwell House. You're my present this year, you know what I mean? It's all of that same kind of like sleepy, dreamy intimacy. Yes. And it's worse because then when you get her with Sunny,

there's like no chemistry whatsoever, period. at all, period. And like, there's nobody that she connects with so easily as she does with Haley Barry. Yeah. It's just weird that you can't really make. And like, yeah, she's just like, uh, yeah, I'm just here to help. Essentially is her whole character's like, hi, here to help. Hi. Whatever I, I end to help the Chinese box office numbers. Of course. Oh, yeah. Well, you got Chinese money in this movie. Absolutely. They're hoping that it works. It did better there than here, I think. Well, of course it did. I mean, she also has this, uh, her ex-husband. who is military guy

and like... Doug? I am military guy, Doug. The worst actor I have ever seen. He's particularly bad. It's really something else. He's always squinting.

I don't know if he's high or lost his glasses. But it is really difficult to pay attention to the movie. It's hard enough in general. But when he's on, I like literally just shut down. I just can't do it.

I kept thinking he was a robot. I was like, is this guy supposed to be a Terminator? Is that another twist in this movie? I don't get it. And I don't get it. don't get how Hallie Barry would want to marry this man, please. Yeah, I don't know, man.

Maybe for the government connections. Maybe, maybe that's. But yeah, he's just like the other guy that's like, hey, by the way, we're going to nuke the moon because it's like that kind of a movie where the moon shall be nuked if we don't get it ready in time. You know what I mean? You only have, there's a short amount of time left or else the moon's going to get nuke.

Oh, this guy, I guess, was on that Marvel's Inhuman shows. Oh, so they hired an inhuman actor to play. was he the voice of the dog no he played gorgon oh cool gorgon ringing any bells remember him I mean it's

I have difficulty remembering the z level Marvel property that I was supposed to give a shit about can we get some gorgon for the tip yes sir it was spicy or not spicy chili on it

oh spicy gorgon the only way to gorg yeah I take I take it spicy yeah I mean even fucking Michael Bay's Transformers movies give you more sense of how things are affected worldwide

than this movie does. This movie is just like, you know, we got the security footage, you know, we got security footage from a lot of places, actually. It's really cheap to shoot. And we got it from, like, actually, this is all from Asia. Just generally Asia. That's just all it's from. Like, they don't even say like, oh, this is China.

This is what, like, it's just like, no, this is the Asian feed we've got going here. And this is where all the bad stuff is happening. By the way, back to gravity waves and the fucking mission. Oh, by the way, SpaceX is helping us. Thank you, Elon. That's right. Yes, that's another thing is our friends at SpaceX are helping us and then

No, oh, I miss it. It's the friends at SpaceX and the Chinese government. Yes, thank you. Our friends at SpaceX are helping us, which causes Housemen to say, I love Elon. Oh, I love Elon. Oh, man. Just two Elon.

Yeah, the best movie of the year was Moon for. Because it's the first. movie to so severely suck my dick. You know what? It could actually happen. You know that the moonfall, it could actually happen. I have scientists that says so.

Wow, he's brilliant. He's absolutely brilliant. He's the best. If you look at the box office numbers of moonfall, it actually did better than the Batman, but the lips don't want you to believe that. You have to look at the numbers that are not being reported. So, whatever.

They're going, they are now flying into space. It's just Halliberry here, Patrick Wilson and Houseman. Meanwhile, Sonny and Kelly Who and Halliburys adorable son are driving to Denver where nothing could ever bad happen. That's true. The very cute son at one point, it says, goes, Hallibir walks in the room and he's just like, Mommy, are we going to die? Thank you, son.

That's the biggest laugh I had of the whole movie. The shit with Colorado, you either need to, like, say NORAD or show me the real bunker shit. I think you see a shot of this, the inhuman guy walking through it at one point. Yes. But that's it. It's really lax in the whole, this is a government facility department. Yeah. Right.

I really, really don't buy it. There's like the one desk, like at the point where they're supposed to turn the keys and everything. And then there's the door that opens that he's like backing into when he's got the gun on them. But like, it really is the team. That's true. There is that moment where it's like, turn your key, sir, we have to nuke the moon. He's like, I'm not going to do it. My wife's in the moon right now, okay? She's fixing the moon, if you please, okay? She's going to do it. Don't worry about it. It reminds me so much of that place like in the departed where they're doing the surveillance for the micropoc processors.

It's just that like little scene like you literally could just open a door and like, oh, this is where the nukes are. Oh, okay. Interesting. Hi, nice. So the whole idea here with Patrick Wilson and co is they determine that this fucking, you know, big nanobot creature comes to attack electronic sources or so they think. So they are going to like go up, you know, fly to the moon at the right moment, flip on the electronics to lure this thing out of the moon hole. Oh man And then they're going to bomb it They're going to set up

An EMP is going to go off And destroy this thing Is the idea Sure Yeah that's it And I mean listen It's not any dumber Than Armageddon

Sure Hmm What is what is Dumber about this I guess the nanobody The megastructures In general I'd be like Yeah I don't know

It's just a it's just a meteor or a comet That we have to blow up I just mean specifically about the plan, though. Sure, drilling it. Then there's this thing that we figure out halfway through, which is that the, what do you call it there?

The nanobots will only attack technology, but it has to have some sort of living creature inside with it, which by the way, in case, this is where Fuzz Aldrin should have been involved. Like, you know, dude. Oh, totally, man. Hey, Fuzz Alder, do you want to save the human race? But I guess we're all just sending up this sort of like a V.

thing where it's like cool with fucking robot people or whatever and it's just a yeah yeah yeah because this whole i mean this is a weird like you get the backstory about all this oh you sure do in the fucking back nine of this movie and i mean it's a lot to digest but basically these nanobots are like from a whole other story where the beginning of the matrix kind of happened yeah i took over and is hunting all the humans and so like this little nano guy is programmed to just destroy any organic life. And this moon

was one of many moons and this is the last moon and it made life on earth and blah blah blah the other ones got destroyed by the sentinels that the agents sent out. They are definitely just sentinels, man. Absolutely. Yeah, the AI sentinels, like they

killed all these people. It looks like after Earth. It looks like the Shyamalan like world. Yeah, it does. And then like yeah this is just one big swarm which is a very compelling villain no silence it's fucking like I just I'm like anything to have a bill

even if you have like an architect like guy in the fucking moon you've already you've got me to buy the fucking megastructure moon bullshit you can't have a guy inside you can't do a parlor scene with nothing I mean fucking war games with the program Joshua had a better parlor

scene absolutely no you're totally I mean that is the biggest problem is this thing isn't talking and it's crazy because chris you just mentioned how they you know they show the the holograms inside the moon and that's how like the the ai talks to the people uh by representing like someone from their their memory also very contact like by the way isn't that like her fucking father shows up in that movie it's exactly yeah okay i haven't seen i haven't seen it a while but i was pretty sure that's how contact kind of ends no it's exactly contact because it tells it's like this is the form you could understand, let me tell you all about the moon

and blah, blah, blah. But yeah, you need like, if the fucking whatever the swarm turned into, I don't know, fucking David Tennant or somebody, get some evil British fucker in there. Yes, that was the train of thought I totally lost, but you're completely right, Steve. Like, we see that technology is available with the moon shit.

So, ergo, this fucking big swarm would be able to make something similar. And yeah, it's just David Tennant, he's got a fucking duster on, you know what I mean? Exactly. that it's something, I'm looking at something. I don't know. I mean, like, you already stole, you already got Sutherland doing a role that's similar to it. Just get Tommy Lee Jones

into this fucking hollow moon and have him be, and look at, look, exactly Patrick Wilson in the face, like, I didn't love your mother. Or, yeah. I just, I love the space. I love space. And that's it. Have the AI take the fucking visage of Donald Sutherland, the guy who knew about this

for the start. Oh, that would be cool, dude. or it's Tommy Lee Jones from space cowboys and it's reanimated corpse shit or you know what honestly because this movie did it at least twice do it one more time and it's just like you have chosen the form of the destructor

oh hello how are you that's right I'm in shine the mood now and fucking you right up you pedophile hello Patrick Wilson would you like to buy Twitter from me are you do you I know you're disgrace like I am. Do you have any money? Would

you like some amyroats? But yeah, it's a gigando fucking stave puff marshmallow man, Kaiju-sized Elon Musk. Wow, great ending, dude. I would love that. I'm going to kill you are because you won't stop

posting the picture with Galane. That's true. Stop doing that. Close personal friends with Delane Maxwell. Pretty weird. Good buddies. His jet went to the island 12 times. Remember to share this episode on Twitter, please. I do love these fucking turd kids getting mugged by these survivalists. Oh, my God.

It is so funny. One of these dudes is just like, you a college boy? Well, in that case, let me give you some of my stuff because you already been robbed, son. What if you say, no. No, no, I'm not. I got a GED. It's just a lot. It's just an 80s movie line.

Yeah, yeah. Exactly. And he's got a gun. They wind up driving. They get to Denver where Michael Pena and his mother are and they pick up the kids. And again, this is exactly what 2012 is. Yes, but we need to get a Karen joke in here. Oh, dude, the Karen joke is so bad.

It's a white lady guarding the town or the planned community or whatever. Oh, yes. And her name is Karen, of course. Of course it is. And that is some straight up fucking, they should have ended the show already Walking Dead stuff. Yeah.

Like, oh, you're coming into our community that we've built now and we're already defending it with guns. I just, I can't. It's so. Yeah. So they, what, they talked to Michael Pena there and then he's like, oh, oh, so there's not going to be oxygen

on the count of the moon vacuum, whatever. Spaceball one is coming down. So we have to go to the fire department. I know them. I sold them some Lexuses. So we can get... What is a fire truck? What are you talking about?

The best fucking fire truck in all the land. It's just sported out. It's a big backseat for you. Some fire departments you do see they have like other cars with like fire department labeling. on them. So I guess it's Aspen, so the the she-she fire department with their Lexus vehicle. Or I guess he sold them to the individual firefighters, you know, possibly. A lot of it's volunteer. So I don't know. I'll give you a good deal on this car. Put me on the VIP list for

if there's a fire at my house. Give me some extra oxygen, if you know what I mean. Well, that's like, you know what would look great in your Lexus that you're just going to drive like twice a year to a burning building and say hey you're doing a good job what you're going to do you want terriaki leather interior is what you want you want you want cd you want ox cable you want everything you want the bluetooth you want all of that stuff also uh all of our fire departments are underwater uh it's weird that's how that's happening well that means the fire's out at least yeah well they dude them uh i mean i know they're already in space but i just am recalling the scene with them trying to explain

to houseman like that he's got to come with them and he's like oh the kids at school said I was too chubby to go into space they have to just be constantly reassuring this character like no Casey you're a fucking genius it's totally worth it

that you're still on this planet man come on it's not even it's like you're a real person it's okay it's like I'm like you you haven't gotten over the kids making funny of you it's You're in space, motherfucker. The world is about to end.

And also, by all those kids are dead. They died with their father's fucking hand in their mouth between two pieces of bread. Yes, they all did that. Or they got vacuumed up to the moon. That's the two options. Steve, you said they had finger sandwiches?

Exactly. I definitely need more shots of people just randomly sucked up by the moon. Yes. Like what the fuck? There needs to be more disaster shots. like we mentioned Manhattan and we see like L.A. flooding or whatever, but it's just

not enough. But that wouldn't be like, that wouldn't be like Nashville. You know, you have to get, you got to have some character moments of just like hanging out with people. You know, I would like some character moments. You're right. But we don't have them here. No, dude. Yeah, like fucking, you just go to a bar

and like Lily Tomlin's like singing at David Carradine and whatnot. Or is it Keith Carradine maybe? I'm easy. Because I'm easy. You know, like the moon's falling outside, but it's still sex. that's where I'd be. That's where I'd be. Oh yeah, drinking myself to death, absolutely. Oh, yeah, yeah, I'd be there. Gun to my mouth, ready to go.

Wait a second, I'm already there. But the... Oh, is the moon from? Let's just say that tonight I'm going to act like the mood is falling. Drink like the moon is falling and you'll never want for anything. No, but all of these like the gravity spills and the oxygen whatever's, it's just DeiSX fucking screenplay.

Every single time, it works just enough to get your characters where you need them to be, put them in enough peril to pull it back and then they're okay. Like nothing surprising ever happens. You know, like they would the oxygen, the hillbilly start chasing them and then like they do this super Mario cart jump

onto a mountain and like, they're allowed to do that because the screenplay says so. But ever, the hillbillies just blow up. There is like, they're bad guys. Gravity waves happening. But yes, it doesn't work on bad guys. Yeah, bad guys don't get the gravity waves.

They don't get the fucking power up. Like these dudes make this jump in this beautiful Lexus. And then these fucking hillbillies trash their fucking he-haw mobile into a huge rock because they can't make the jump. And it's a real like, oh, I've wasted my life.

That's kind of thing. Oh my God, it is sad. It gets a no. It's also just getting at this point, I'm like, this movie needs to end. Like, the script keeps yes ending itself. I don't appreciate it, really. And it just keeps on, like, I don't care if Michael Pena dies.

Does anybody care of it? No, that's so useless. Three lines. Like, it's him and his daughter. And he's like, I'm walking with you. Just keep walking. Oh, your oxygen doesn't work. I'll give you mine.

Like, cool. I don't care. Who are you? Yeah. More people need to die in this. Definitely. Also, like, you're only a few steps behind. Split it with her.

Like, you take a breath, then hold you breath. Then I'll take a breath. And then hold me. my brother, then you take... Let's move our legs a little bit here, folks. Yep. It's so stupid. Well, that, I mean, then you wouldn't be able... He's really dying to make sure

that Harper and the wife can get back together at the end and that the family can be reunited. That's really... Yes, the sacrifice himself. I mean, I totally agree with you, dude, but the movie sort of flubs on that because it ends before there can be any kind of like reconnection. He's actually

like, oh yeah, geez, I'm sorry about your dead husband. And like, like, yeah, the door is open, sure, but the movie doesn't have them embrace or anything like that. No, they don't. And what they do is, again, we're good. Wait, I mean, well, we're in the middle of the moonfall. The moonfall is happening. But they have this last seed with Halliberry and him where they're like, he's just like looks there.

He's like, we're good partners, right? What do you have to fucking prove that? It's been disaster after disaster, ruined each other's lives, it seems like. why is why are you good partners it's just I think just to be like oh they can't have a romantic thing yes they can't get each other for whatever reason don't do that yeah it would be fine if they

they make out at the end of this movie you know that'd be something well I thought that's what was going to happen it's like you're divorced she's fucking divorced yeah why not so at the end of this movie such as it is by the way we should say like while the while

Hallie well Hallie Barry Patrick Wilson and houseman are all inside the fucking moon megastructure. This big, dumb AI is swarming and slamming on the door like a luny tune literal beastworm. You might as well turn it to an arrow, you know what I mean? Or like turn it into a finger to lure someone out.

You know what I mean? Totally. And you can just hear like the old-timey loony tune music like the bo-p-da-pap-pah-bub-to-boom. Boom. Hey, get out of there. And it's just like turning into a huge fist. It's so cartoonish. It's so stupid.

So, but meanwhile, Patrick Wilson now has all the moon knowledge he got from his son. Moon knowledge. And the moon has fixed their spaceship and souped it up in some way. There is a line from Casey at one point. I was like, you have all the, you're the Kita the moon knowledge. It's like, you have to survive. You know all about the moon. And I'm like, come on.

I mean, like, you're basically saying that he's going to spend the rest of his life trying to convince people about this fucking nonsense. They would hang him. No one would believe he's nude for a second. Why are we even talking about the rest of your life? It's over. Yes, it's true. Everybody, it's over. I mean, life as we know over, over. By the

time, this time, like, the moon just looks like the death star now because all the crust fell off and hit the earth and it's like, what was that to begin with? Did those people, the ancient aliens construct styrofoam? Or was it like asteroids hitting it throughout the year?

No, I think when they're making it I think it's like Like a shield Sort of like We did that TOS episode On the Nexus a while back Where it was a planet A Dyson sphere thing yeah

Yeah inside or was it a TNJ It was one of the Do you think it's one of the Do you think the moon actually In this universe is not unlike That rock you buy outside To put outside your house With your keys at it

Like you know It's plastic Oh yeah definitely But in this case In Moon Falls case It's the dog turd version but then like all it turns there's like this big spaceship

there's laser turrets and I'm like this movie needs to end it's this movie needs to end there's honest to goodness battle stations inside the moon yeah and the movie doesn't explore that at all see now if you got Michael Panion up on the moon he can walk around and be like whoa

they got the terriaki leather seats up here too I mean you need some fucking gleeplops to be walking around. Maybe it's like some robots or something. One robot that's controlling the moon. And maybe it's played by somebody, I would hope. If it's an android, oh, dude, it's a fucking Android that looks like Donald Sutherland. There you go. Get it at Donald Sutherland. And Tommy the Jones is

ordering around him and a David Thule's robot to shoot all of the intruders. Thank you. That's a movie. Now we're making it be something. Then we might have a face to a villain. That might be something. I can't believe this whole time. like they go into this big thing there's nobody home this fucking thing's chasing him but there's nobody really chasing it like it's just this for a movie

like supposed to be like as big as this like the moon falling to earth there's so little that's actually going on I'm never going to be afraid of an AI I'm sorry I except for Skynet because it was well directed well written or whatever yes but even still because those robots look like skeletons they had a real

menacing fucking look yes well because the the weird thing about this movie is that the problem isn't really the moon fall the AI is the bad thing like the moonfall is just like a victim of the AI thing

so the AI thing is the thing that is really at the problem don't you blame the moon it was the AI the whole time that's exactly the point it's just like it's so like if the moon is falling into Earth it should be about the moon that should be it

well I think it's just because, like, they are trying, you know, clearly as I was, I was, you know, fooled by it just as much as anybody. Like, they wanted to keep all of this stuff a surprise. Yes. Oh. But when, when Patrick Wilson gets, like, sprayed by the moon and he has that seizure and he talks to his son who, it seems like he's dead, but he's not. It's just the, right. He then comes out of it. He's just like, we, wait, wait a second. We must save the moon. So the moon is our best fucking friend. And it's just so, funny to go from fuck the moon for so long to suddenly in the last 20, 15

minutes to be like, we are saving this moon. A last minute moon hero turn is what you're talking about. Yeah, I don't like, I don't care for it either. I don't like it. Keep the moon a bad guy. But then because Roland Emmerich had Armageddon

on when he was watching this, when he was writing this, they, you know, it's like Patrick Wilson's like, I'm going to stay behind because it needs some sort of biological thing to draw it in and I'm going to blow up and die and that's just because the moon told me to do it I got to do it. Listen, the moon told me I got to it's got to be me and I'm the hero.

It's the fucking funny thing. The moon told me that I'm the perfect candidate for this because when it asked me if I would sacrifice my own life for my son would I do it and I said yes and so the moon is just like okay cool we just wanted to make sure you would definitely go through with that. So just imagine that the moon

is kind of like your son in this case if you think about it in a way But like it's just the fact that he's like Of course it's just he's the big hero It's Harper, he's the big hero And I would be so fucking furious But I'm the hero and I've made peace The fact I'm dying here

And this fat turd Runs into the back And fucking seals himself in the bomb chamber It takes my fucking steal I would like be like I would rip that thing open be like, no, you're dying now. No, because, and also, like, I don't want to go back to what, to eating, I don't know,

fucking dirt for the next four years before I just eventually die of malnourishment? There's nothing on that earth. Listening to Starbucks compilation CDs while I work on my car. Like, like, really? That's what you want to do with your life. I thought you meant Starbucks from Battlestar for a second because some of these effects, that's the level it is, which I love that show. Yeah, that's true.

But that's the level it is. but that was a show on a small TV TV gets away with it But yeah he's like Oh I'm gonna be the hero If you don't mind Mr. Harper You've got to go back to your children And I'm just a sad old lonely fucker would it get

As my mama used to say It's better to beg for forgiveness Than do whatever Ask permission Yeah dude And then he's like They are trying to give you All of these lines

That slobs like me If I saw it in the theater maybe it would have got a little bit of emotion, but he's like, check in on me, mom. Tell her that a son wasn't a failure. Yeah. She's got Alzheimer's kid, so she doesn't know what the fuck I just said. Oh, actually, she got sucked up into the moon. She's right there, actually. See that wheelchair? That was where your mother was.

Oh, the moon already turned her to spaghetti. Sorry. Your new best budd the moon already sucked her up again. You fucking shoot around. Bolli-A's sauce. your mom had split pea soup with rat poison in about an hour after she found out about the moon wobble you're the key to our moon's knowledge that's right brian yes you need to go and preach moon to people we need more moonies and moon nights yes get married in mass you get the fuck out of there pudgy that's my fucking bomb to hug no but he goes and he yeah

Here's my question, though, about all this. Like, I know, you know, this guy always wanted to be an astronaut, love space, all that stuff. But he works at Burger King. Like, you're telling me this guy knows all the little flips to switch and whatnot. He's just that good. There's switches to flips rather, you know what I mean? He read the internet.

He could do anything. Just like you, you could die in space, listen. all of you could put off, you could all arm and take off a bomb in space. Of course, you just have to listen to, too, is like, you are, everyone listening to this will die in space because Earth, remember,

it's in space. The more you know. That's true, dude. It's true, yeah. The more you know, definitely, Chris. Yes, there you go. Mortality. He gets, so he gets swallowed by this fucking thing and then like, like an AI head starts

like building inside the spaceship. So he has something to look at when he says, you underestimated us. And then lets this EMP go. For Elon, retweet me. What's that? Is there no consequences whatsoever

and I'm alive again as part of the AI? Dude, this is the reason why I want it. So like they go back. They zip down. They just make it or whatever. It's actually kind of a cool thing that the way that they're able to

survive because like the shuttle gets fucking destroyed. They're only in the little capsule. And the way that they're able to really scoot to safety kind of easily is because the moon is like in the earth's atmosphere. Like so they're just basically to be able

to like push themselves towards earth and then she immediately opens the parachutes and they land like totally fucking. That was hilarious. Thank you for pointing that out Andrew because I was watching it and I was like oh my God. Oh right. they're basically on Earth already. It's fine. Yeah.

Well, I thought they were going to have to do like a base jump from the moon onto Earth. Like I thought they were going to get really crazy. Chris, we'd have to hire a stunt performer for that. Oh yeah. I guess that's no good. Yeah, you can't just put someone in front of a TV and have that happen. No, a little cartoon doing it wouldn't be the same. Somewhere, somehow, there is an American government that has helicopter pilots that's looking for these people. Of course. Like, what are you talking about?

Everyone is dead. All the birds are dead. No, no, yeah, you're right. The birds are fucking dead. Like, everything is dead. It's all dead. Everything that was flying is that. All those airplanes that were still in the air for some reason have all crashed to the ground. That's true. Like, the next, like, spring and shit, there's not going to be, like, bees or anything left to, like, make the...

Nope. Anything happen. Wouldn't those airplane people actually be totally fun? Because they have, like, a fake air supply up there. So... Well, the thing is going to be ripped up. the part, isn't it? Well, I guess if something fell on. They would have got bumped by the moon, dude.

But guess what? The moon would have just bumped them. The moon is slowly going back to where it belongs. Oh, thank God. Oh, yeah. Rascal. Come on. Get back up there. Come on. Moon. You troublemaker. That's what you are. Wow. A troublemaker. Ridiculous. I tried to lash on the moon and bring it down for you, but I killed

thousands and thousands of people. Oh, Mary. The AI got me. I'm part of the moon now. Oh, Mary, my consciousness is inside the AI. That would be something. It knows all my deepest, darkest secrets. I was about how Mr. Gower used to hit my ears.

I was going to stay up there, Mary, but then Spencer Tracy beat me to it. Spencer Tracy's flicking the moon. Yeah, the AI knows what I did old Mr. Gower there, Mary. Now the AI is going to find his body. I wish I didn't put a lasso around the moon. Now I know all these dark secrets. Our bank's going to be out of business. The AI's going to take care of all the money now.

It seems hard to care about Bedford Falls when I know about the ancient aliens. Oh, do me a favor. Check into my mom. Shaller than her son wasn't a failure. I can't lie to her. I'm sorry. Oh, sure. Well, your money's not here.

It's in the moon. The old savings. alone. Merry Christmas falling moon. Merry Christmas, Michael Pedia, Lexus. Merry Christmas, Charlotte Gainsburg. Merry Christmas, Kiefer, Sutherland.

Merry Christmas, Kirsten Dunds. Oh, whatever. This helicopter. Merry Christmas, Alexander and Stellant Scars. Flies them back to their families and the Chrysler building is there. And it's like, well, I guess we got a lot of work to do on this new society, which sounds pretty terrible. I would have the right idea, dude. Wasn't the Chrysler building in New York?

As there's like corpses falling out of it. Exactly. L.O.L. dude. Yeah, real, real funny. The reason I wanted to do this movie so badly, because I think this scene is the, is right now in the, in the new, you know, you want to tell me about the, you know, the first 100 years of cinema. But in this new 100 years of cinema, this is the best sequel teaser that'll never happen. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I think this is top. I think this is top dog. I think it is. It's, he wakes up. He's reconstituted. His mother and his cat are there. And they're like, we, you are now part of the moon. Welcome. Welcome to the moon. You're part of it.

Scan the consciousness of you so you can live forever. Transcendant style as part of the moon. And we've got a lot of work to do. Let's get started. And he goes, started on what? Not end credits. He's just making the tides happen forever. Yeah. That might as well be the end

of like the Florida project. Like what are you talking about? We're not coming back here. What are you talking about? We're getting in the moon and we're breaking into Disney World. It would be great if actually you just saw him and it was him and like a big like

not unlike Honey and I Shrunk the kids it's him swimming around a bunch of Bree like it was old cheese I can't believe it. Like Scrooge McDuck Exactly I mean because like that's literally any like you could just slap that on any

movie now if that if that if you're going to do it to this movie that made no money fucking you throw it on anywhere you like now. Oh, dude, let's get started. Let's get started, Chris. That should have been the last line to crimes of the future. I love that Donald Sutherland gets the fucking hammer in this movie with less than two minutes of screen time. That's incredible. And also, it's incredible, because I did, I just, I wasn't carefully looking at them or anything, but I just was picked up the laptop when the credits started rolling and I just let the credits go. And there is a

moment where it looks like they are about like the credit, the people who made the credit role were like instructed, okay, leave space for a stinger scene to happen. And then we don't know yet whether or not we're going to do a stinger scene because there's part of the credits

where like they get done with it. The music stops at a very dramatic kind of like brow sort of thing. There's no image on the screen, no text, no drawings or anything like that. And I was like, oh man, here comes a stinger scene, especially with that fucking sequel set up.

And then the rest of the credits just start going. So I think like they thought maybe we would have a stinger scene and then just didn't bother and there's just this huge gap in the credits left of the year. That's amazing.

Michael Pena's left in the snow and this shambling character comes up fully like full of like all kinds of shit on him that you can't really tell who it is. And then he just lips up his flaps and gives him like air and he's like, thank you.

Thank you. How can I ever thank you? He turns out. off. It's Donald Sutherland. Oh, yeah. He actually survived the shot. And he says, the shot to the face. Let me ask you something, son. Have you heard of Mars? End of movie. Because it could

also fall. Mars can also fall, you know. Yeah, I mean, you can have a whole wobble verse here. Absolutely. Wobble verse. Venus fall. I can't wait. Yeah, totally. I mean, Neptune falls. That sounds like a small quaint town center. Right. That sounds kind of nice. Yeah, that would be nice. Oh, man. I mean, so that's Moonfall, ladies and gentlemen, I will go around the horn here. Would anybody

recommend this 2022 disaster, Steve Zanak? I kind of would it's a light recommend to me. It's so bad. It's just worth watching once. It's so bizarre. The effects are terrible. There is no, not even effects, but again, like, he did not ever conceptualize what a Moonfall looked like. And you, the viewer, never figure it out. Yeah, we're just going to wing it. so for all of that I just think it's such an ill-conceived bonkers

cheesy shitty B-movie that it's worth watching once that's me totally Chris Cabin nope too long I also am a little tired of us trying to make Game of Thrones

actors into real actors well Chris he's here because Josh Gad dropped out at the last second Of course I will say okay you know what to this guy's crazy minute, I would prefer him to Josh Gat. Josh Gadd would

absolutely ruin this movie. Like, any little thing I enjoy about it would be completely gone if GAD was here. There'd be so many gags of him screaming. No, I can't do with that. No. And like, yeah, like, I like Patrick Wilson. I like the cast enough, but like just not enough. It's bad.

Eric Sisko. Yeah, I think John Bradley is good on Game of Thrones. I don't think it's really, he's not good here. I do like the cast in general, but nothing coalesces, nothing really happens here. Roland Emmerich passed his prime unfortunately

I wish I could recommend it but like Chris says too long, two hours and ten minutes for this piece of shit. Are you kidding? It should be an hour and 40 minutes. That's totally fair. Absolutely. Yeah, no, I'm not really disagreeing with anybody here

but I will say it's a light recommend. It's kind of a seeing as believing. It's kind of the most recent like wow that was dumb you know like the credits started and I was like holy shit that was stupid so it sort of for me

at least was sliding into that you know territory of like a so bad it's good kind of a situation I will say the guy who plays the kid it's a thankless role this actor Charlie Plummer who I think is actually pretty good and he's in a couple of good movies

like he's in that all the money in the world the Ridley Scott movie. Spontaneous, weird horror movie worth seeing. Yeah, lean on Pete, a devastatingly sad movie, but he's very good in it. So, like, yeah,

he doesn't get a lot of play here and all the shit that they have him say is actually pretty stupid. His role is thankless and stupid. As is fucking Kelly U, all of that. Get the fucking people out of there. That's my thing.

Give me the fucking military people, the science people, and then leave it at that. Gleep, glops, if you please. You know what? A rival understood that. Why can't you? Yeah. Oh, man, yeah. And if a rival's doing better than you, you got to fucking do better. So that is Moonfall, directed by Roland Emmerich, one of the worst of last year's films.

For more, We Hate Movies, of course, check out patreon.com slash we hate movies, where this month's WLM will be on a film that is one of the best of the year. Do we have that settled at the time of recording? I think we do, yeah. it is Top Gun Maverick which at this time of the recording I have not seen yet but I'll take your word for it the one person the one person in America God damn it's

I will see it very exciting Steve they're re-releasing it in theaters I think it might be worth checking it out on the big screen I think I will Steve you saw Moonfall in theaters you made sure to get the big screen experience with that one but then with Top Gun Maverick you're going to sit your ass on the couch

on like what the little like a laptop screen for this one. You know why Chris? You know why Chris? Like you could just say oh yeah it's a bad movie podcast. I live this shit. Okay. I live this shit. Okay. That's true. See, if you do indeed walk the walk, my friend. So three out of

four of us liked Top Gun Maverick and we'll be talking about it on Patreon. Patreon.com slash we hate movies where we have a lot more to offer you this month in addition. absolutely such as so we will have a new episode

of the Nexus our Star Trek Recap show of course who we do it on the Gleap Glossary on the Gleap Glossary we'll be talking

about Mon Mothma and this will also will you don't have to tell me twice with that oh my Lord but we'll talk about Andor as well encapsulated in

to that Gleap Gloucestry episode if you don't know we've recapped every episode of the Mandalorian every episode of the Book of Boba fed every episode of Obi-Wan and we kind of had enough and we didn't go to Andor and Andor was the best one of them.

Yeah, yeah, boy. So boys are face red. We will be talking about Andor a little bit during that Mon Mothma episode kind of fits into the best of worst of the year so it works out nicely. And we just released it our Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Mediterranean which is available now for all patrons. It's a real blast. So you want to definitely get on That guy. Long movies. So it's a good, it's a good long time of hanging out with us watching. We also did the first movie as well. And if you unlock, you know, if you sign up for our Patreon, you unlock, you know,

everything of that, that level through the past. So you get multiple commentaries, multiple gleeplessries, multiple nexus. And the good thing is, man, because the moon's falling and time is speeding up, you'll be able to get into the past faster and get those episodes. Definitely. I think it's the idea there. Now, we are, of course, just getting started here on the main feed with some of the worst of last year's offerings. And like we said, boy, whatever the opposite of slim pickens is, embarrassment of riches.

So Steve Saneck, what is going on the main feed here next week? The moon is still fallen, but it's full of dinosaurs, it seems. It is Jurassic Park Fall. Dominion. Was it Dominion? It was Dominion. Jurassic World Dominion.

Yes. Dumb Minion. It's a movie that I 100% did not see in theaters but did the $20 rental at home. Ooh.

Yeah. Yeah. So I'm like a double time loser. Like I paid way more than I should have and I didn't leave the house. So yeah, we're going to be talking about some really bad CGI dinosaurs next week. Some Chris Pratt fucking

dino training and whatnot. It is a really... Oh, and the bugs. Oh, we can't forget the bugs. Of course the bugs. Remember the bugs. It is such a stupid movie. All right. Until next week with Jurassic World colon Dominion. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Siddak. Eric Siska. Chris Gavin.

Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.