We Hate Movies - S13 Ep656: Black Adam

Episode Date: January 31, 2023

On this episode, the guys are suffering through the failed hierarchical power shift in the DCU that is, Black Adam! Did anyone in this movie care that they were making it? Why did the writers think it was a good idea to jam four additional superheroes we’d never met into the same film in which we’re also introduced to Black Adam? And what—in all that is holy—was with those terrible needle drops? PLUS: All hail the mighty, INTERGANG! Black Adam stars Dwayne Johnson, Aldis Hodge, Noah Centineo, Sara Shahi, Quintessa Swindell, Marwan Kenzari, Bodhi Sabongui, and Pierce Brosnan as Dr. Fate; directed by Jaume Collet-Serra. Click here to catch the replay of the Thor: Love and Thunder virtual show now through Thursday, February 2, 2023! Check out the WHM Merch Store featuring new SW Crispy Critters, MINGO!, WHAT IF Donna? & Mortal Kombat designs! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/whm and get on your way to being your best self. Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

this week on the program the hierarchy of power is about to change because on this episode what's that oh wait oh it's not happening anymore well i guess we're just talking about black adam i'm teth andrew i am uh i steven seda eric siska black cabin oh there it is better movie and we hate movies Hello, Welcome to We8 movies. Thank you for tuning in as always. And thank the calendar gods that we are able to get this one in under the gun. Don't you be thanking anybody for this shit. Don't you?

I'm thinking my lucky prayers because on an episode like this, I can just kick up. Thanking your prayers, huh? I'm thinking something. I'm thinking Black Cabin. Because I just kick up my legs now. I let Steve take it away. Superhero movie. I don't even have to be here.

This is a convo around Jamal Coyette Sarah's Black Adam. Let me try something really quick Shazam Fuck, I'm still here Nothing sucks I was just hoping it would be like next week or something Now when that happens both with Black Adam And well I guess Teth Adam

And whatever the kid's name is Billy Batsam sure yeah Do they retain the memories of what they're doing as superheroes? I believe so you're stupid Yeah That's the whole point of the Shazam movie Which I turned off Oh nice

Yeah me too Run me through that What are you saying? I thought it was more like a werewolf situation, you know, where like Larry Talbot, you know, he blacks out, turns into the wolf man. So you're saying like, goes on a rampage, doesn't remember it when he wakes up as a human. He's just like, oh, Jesus Christ, I foiled three burglaries yesterday. Oh, oh, oh, Jesus Christ, was I in the Black Adam movie?

I saved so many women yesterday. Damn, I'm good. Oh, fuck, I just thought someone with a shrinking ray. The fuck all my pants are small. this is this is really bad this movie is worse I will say on record

this is worse than I gave it credit for initially yeah terrible terrible movie it's really bad I kind of like I like that there is

I mean there is a central theme like it's not all over the place they are talking about one thing but they step on it 500 times sure wanting to be a hero

like killing do you have to kill or not. Killing in the name of. Yeah, killing in the name of as such. Like that is the thing they keep coming back to. Yep. Is like, is murder necessary for justice or whatever? I'll tell you the one thing. Murder is necessary for me to fucking pay attention during this movie. Because the only cool parts is when he is just dismantling people, including like the opening when he comes out the cave and he's just killing all those guys. But man, that doesn't last long. I was almost a plus on this movie until.

and it was early on I give it that but like when the painted black drop happens oh yeah I scream how do you not check out a bullet with butterfly wings that's I mean that's fine no it's not I'm fine I'm fine with it the needle drops in this movie made me hate music

ordinarily in the morning I put on music when I'm taking a shower I was like no you're gonna fucking shower in silence music is bad music has hurt you music can't all of the needle drops are fucking abysmal in this movie. And the opening is a narrative

tragedy. It's like an absolute fucking car crash. This is crazy. We get this whole big long like flashback taking us through the events of Black Adam 1, getting us ready for Black Adam 2, which is what this is. Well, yeah, it's Condoc 2,600 BC. Right. This is the place,

Chris. Yes. The first place. There weren't other, there weren't places yet. Before Rome, before Babylon, before the pyramids. Who gives the fuck? It was candac And it's before that Wakanda Which is a very similar place

That has a super special mineral That is being mined for super special reasons Yeah, no kidding man I don't know what is dumber fucking I mean the big three Right so Imperium Which is in this movie Then what the fuck is in Wakanda

Vibranium Vibranium and then fucking avatars Undobtainium I mean someone just creates something That doesn't sound stupid please the McGuffinite we need to power the demon crown

I think this is the worst of the bunch at least to me like I turnium yeah Vibranium like it's that's not too like it is closer you're right where and like

unobtainium as stupid as a sound is an actual term like so oh right yeah that's dumb in the first six to 12 minutes of this movie which is narrated by a baby yeah it should be Dwayne Johnson doing this narration.

Why couldn't it be Dwayne? I mean, what the fuck? The dude can read. The dude has a great, rich voice for a narration. I'll tell you why. I don't know. They're back in the old days. There was a really cool play. I'm like, I'm fucking bored. It's to trick you into thinking the kid is Black Adam.

When the twist happens, it was, it was his son. He was the father of the Black Adam. Well, it's so dumb because. Which is actually less interesting to me. But that twist is so stupid because they choose to have this, like, be silhouetted Dwayne Johnson at the beginning

where they're not showing his face clearly him and you know it's fucking Dwayne Johnson so there is no twist I thought he was like

oh like his dad was just like he looked like his dad kind of a thing like he grows into a guy that looks what he's shazams that he looks like that

that's sort of what I was thinking and this de-muscled yeah this thing is very unsettling unsettling it tells you that this guy you better keep hitting that gym

motherfucker you ain't being in movies looking like that it's like a Todd Salin's with Dwayne Johnson's face. It's not that bad, but it looks like when the rock started wrestling in the 90s. No, well, he had a big old fat body, not fat, like that muscle fat thing.

Yeah, he's always a big guy. He's never been skinny. It looks like they, I mean, on top of like skinny or not, they like condensed his shoulders. Oh, yeah. It's not as wide. Well, it's just another guy. No, I know. But like, it's fucking weird.

Well, when that happens in the middle of the movie, it's a little noir movie I'd like to call the wrong Shazam Get Fonda back out for this one Somebody walked A dame walked into my office And said Shazam And all of a sudden I am a Teth Adam

I'd like to report a superhero My own I'm a Teth Adam Alice I say Shazam And I become a large person That I'm a Maltese falcons made out of Eternium. I'm going to drive by this roadside jazz

club. See, I'm going to go in and sing Shazam into the microphone. Could say I took a detour. In this opening thing, we get Condac, which is the place. You get King Akhtung. You get the crown, the crown of Sabak, and six demons of the ancient world

and Eternium. It's a lot. It's just so much at once. I just knew Steve would have all the info. I could just sit back. I had to, literally paused it because I was just like take a breath yes take a fucking breath you're not you're not understanding any of this information

but remember Andrew it doesn't matter yeah and I was I mean I was pissed at first because it's like you see like he he gets the power and he walks into the king's palace when the crown of who gives his shit is a sub-bac I don't give

a fuck the crown Spock's father Samaric ah yes the crown of Sarah I was pissed too, you know, by the way. It was my pants, though. Oh, you were just pissing your pants? I was, yeah. Because it was scary.

It was. I thought you were just like brain dead on the floor. I was going to say, did you just leave this world for a little bit? A little bit of both. Yeah, I shazam into a guy that pisses his pants. I guess we can turn you into a superhero that way. We don't really have a god for that. I say Shazam and I turn into Liam Neeson.

I'm not a bad, bad place. Complete with the huge hog, dude? unfortunately, no, I've been cursed by the demon crown that the hog is little, but the piss is mighty. Our penis talk is. So it's happened already, Chris. Sorry to the listeners at home. Okay, you were making an astute observation. I'm taking a while to make my point, but like they're, they cut from what would be the first big fight to just the place exploding. Yes. And I'm like, even if this is just table setting,

you want to give Dwayne Johnson a little bit of meat right at the beginning, maybe to just introduce your movie a little bit. And you're, main goddamn character. Well, that's the one thing that I would love to do or not actually ever watch this movie again. I'm a one and done

with this one. I'm a one and done purist on it, Black Adam. But I would love to know like how much screen time does he have? Because it's probably

not that much because it takes 20 minutes to get to him. And then you got all this Justice Society stuff that no one asked for. Not a single fucking person on the planet

asked for this to be in this movie. The Justice Society, which is a subsidiary of the Justice League and the... Well, that, you know what, Eric, great point. What the, I mean, I know what the Justice Society is because I'm a loser. But what is the Justice Society?

I would ask if I watch this movie because they have no idea. And I also don't know, do they work for Amanda Waller? Is Amanda Waller just throwing them cases now and again? They are a subcontractor for Amanda Waller, I think. Even having her is kind of stupid. We're just trying to set up that interconnected universe. Yeah, in the saddest way possible. Like bringing in Viola Davis, like anybody gives a fucking.

She gives the least shit She is delivering nothing here In the movie in the movie She's giving them nothing You think she gives the least shit of all Because that goes to fucking Aldous Hodge my friend There's no doubt

He had to wake up and like work out at least She did that from her fucking beach house In between birthday party And even then she was just like So you're black Adam You're the fifth guy I've had to talk to like this I can't. I can't believe I signed that contract.

Oh, fuck. I was in Suicide Squad. Keep filming these fucking Zoom cameos, lady. She is filming a lot of Zoom cameos. But she also, it's like this thing where it's like, well, who do you have for the team? And he's like, well, I've got this one and that one. She's like, sounds great. See you at the end of the movie.

Remember, I can kill you whatever. I will pause. Now, whatever you, I mean, veggie pizza. Yeah, like, so Cyclone sounds great. No, yeah, to get two. I want a veggie pizza. You guys are forgetting who gives the shit the least, the audience. Well, I mean, they are not participants in the production, though.

Also, I mean, Dwayne Johnson, I also think is just not giving this. But does he ever give a shit? Great question. I would say yes, but he does, but here's the thing. Shall we never see? He is a guy. who needs like the rest of the cast around him to be like elevated and also like excited about what's going on

I mean because listen he is a wrestler what do wrestlers feed on like live audience shit you're putting him in these studios where it's just like green screens and whatever there's nothing for him to like get electrified about but if you watch him in like those Jumanji movies where like it or hate those movies every one of those movies is game to be in that movie and it elevates him as an actor

The same thing with the fucking other movie they did with Coyette Sarah. Jungle Cruz. Emily, what's her face? She don't give a shit. They have no chemistry with each other whatsoever. And again, he's just a big guy wearing a small hat in that movie and that's all he's too. I say this hesitantly because God knows the man has done a lot. Paul Giamatti is debasing himself in that movie.

Like in Jungle Cruise. Spell it out for the people who aren't watching Jungle Cues. Yeah, I'm going to think he's still having, still having. He plays like a big fat, like Colonel Sanders, like steamboat guy or something. They did him dirty in that one. Say, it's me, Paul Giamatti. I got a big cigar and an even bigger beard. I got bored with billions.

Well, to your point about like he's, he was a wrestler and that he needs that live, live audience reaction. How about he's a wrestler in the movie, struck by lightning, and now he could rip people on half. That'd be nicer. That's your DC movie. I mean like just there's a wrestler right Steve yeah in the lore there's probably some guy that's like I'm you know well there's a guy who's a lot of a box wild cat he's also another guy in the the the Justice Society of America is bucktooth billy in it too I do not think I stepped on your explanation what was the guy I was saying buck tooth Billy would be a great name it's wild cat wild Ted Grant the wild there you know I'd rather watch a wrestler you know then whatever this is. He's a boxer? Yeah.

That's like a wrestler that doesn't use his feet. Sure. Yes. Or a chair or a guitar or a ladder. Look, we're going to have you sitting down and hitting this person is what you're going to be doing. A boxer would actually be interesting. The character Black Adam is just evil Shazam. That's how it was from the outset.

That's what it was. That exists in all forms of superhero literature. It's like, oh, there's a good version. that's the bad version that's fine and then like you know in the aughts certain writers Jeff John specifically wanted to make him

more of an anti-hero and like really expanded the character in the lore etc shouldn't he be just like a little kid then isn't that what Shazam is but he was always a dude for whatever reason he's a man okay now yeah I was this is very interesting to me because I was confused

why the Shazam wizards showed up I guess this is and they were saying Shazam so I guess that's part of the clue the way it was was this was like one of the first guys that ever had the Shazam stuff. But then which is a more interesting thing, he got corrupted by his own

power. You know what I mean? Like absolute power does something absolutely. You know what I mean? Like let's do that and then like that gives him like some stakes and then maybe like he's like oh I made a lot of mistakes back in the old days. I want to be this way now that it's you know

blah blah blah. I want to save Kandak from these other people and then leave it alone and leave the justice society out of it. If you want to get the devil in the third act, I'm not into it, but sure. It looks stupid as hell. It looks like, uh, what's his face? Tim Curry and legend almost. But that's the cover of Diablo. First of all. The PC game, essentially. He's not the devil, right? He's just a guy. He's Sabok. He's the back. He's the crown guy. That's different from Satan. Yeah. He's a demon. He's a Satan adjacent. He's here. He's a copo. I would see he's

like a Capo in hell. Like he's one of the big guys there. But I mean like, that's a story that's like I mean it's the funny thing is this movie's two hours long and it I'm not saying I want this movie to be any longer than it is oh but it almost needs to be because of all the shit you're shoving in it because all the justice society stuff like I don't know who any of these characters are I don't know what the justice society is I don't know what function it feels it feels so derivative and I know this is just part of the comic book shit sure that it's like here's DC's doctor strange here's DC's uh aunt man a equivalent or whatever with this atom smasher.

And it's just so boring to me to see the same exact idea rehashed. I don't know. And nobody is up to, and I, I would say, except for Pierce Brosnan, nobody is up to Dwayne Johnson's stature. No. Pierce Broson is clearly the better actor. He's that tall?

Yes. Yes. But like it, like to me, it doesn't work because like Noah Salantro and, uh, um, uh, uh, the person who plays a cyclone. Yeah. They, like, it's just not, it doesn't come together. I don't care. And they seem separate from the rest of the movie almost until they have those group

fight scenes. This, this movie. Cundell play Cyclone. Yes, quintess, Contessa Swindell, who's actually, they're very good in Master Gardner, which is not yet out. The yet to be distributed Paul Schrader film. I do want to raise my hand really quick and stop like 14 tweets that both Dr. Fate and and Adam smasher

or the early Adam predate both the Marvel versions but the problem is you have to live in the real world friends and everyone like Eric is going to watch this we're like well why is D.C. just doing Dr. Fade again.

Dr. Strange again. Right. That's the problem. But the one thing is I'll give it is like the Dr. Fade character was I mean maybe because it's Pierce Bros and was the most interesting part of the film. By a mile. Also they also fast forwarded

Dr. Fate to do the Infinity War scene in the first film. Because he's not going to do another. That's the thing. Is this movie, for whatever reason, this movie functions

and carries itself as if there already was a Black Adam one and a Just Society of America movie. Sure, sure. It already functions as that because we have no introductions to any of these characters

other than the laziest garbage throwaway dialogue about some of their history, including, like, Adam Smashers, the nephew of the first one, which is this dumb as dirty Dick Henry Winkler cameo out of nowhere. Terrible. This cyclone, you know, this character, she's on the jet at one point. Like, oh, yeah. Well, I got, uh, yeah, I got some nanobots put into me. I got kidnapped. Yeah, I got a Mexican food once. Had some nanobots in it. And I got to tell you, that stuff sticks with you, those nanobots. It's just too many fucking characters, especially since we know none of them, like you guys have just said. Just give us, I guess,

Hawkman or Dr. Fader one of them and have them be like, the department stretched thin. That would be actually in a way for like, get the Amanda Wall or whatever cameo in earlier say like,

oh, that's all we can do. And then like have that be like a buddy dynamic maybe. The buddy is what I would like. One in one. That would be nice. Well, shouldn't there,

because there should be shit where it's like, well, the suicide squad's wrapped up doing whatever and the Justice League cannot be bothered to go to the fucking they disbanded actually Warner Brothers pulled their funding

they defunded the police but that was the Justice League they defended it's so nuts that you have because there are scenes later in the movie where it's like Pierce Brosden Dr. Fate and Hawkman talking about

the old days and this adventure and that adventure and I'm like I just need to know because I mean the Justice Society as I know, it was formed during World War II, which is a really interesting concept. Sure. All this shit with it. But you just don't do any of it.

And it's just sort of like, they're just generic super team. Why? So during World War II, were they fighting Nazi superheroes or something? Yeah. I mean, they were fighting,

but just a bunch of it. Well, better movie, maybe. The Justice Society is like basically like Justice League before Justice League. Like, and then it caused all sorts of continuity problems because Superman was there. And they like, well, in the 60s, when they relaunched everything,

they're like, uh, well, Superman can be in both. That's where Earth 2 started. It gets really complicated. That's just, it's a lot. It was so confusing for comic book readers, I'll call them, that they created a separate Earth.

Yes. To save space. Oh, no, everything you like, that was that you read in Earth 2 comics in the 40s. But there is no, I mean, there's got to be no continuity anymore, is there? I mean, I know they relaunch like the new 52 or whatever. They relaunch every five years now and they, they, everything's Swiss cheese. It's all. Yeah, exactly.

That's brutal. The weirdest part is the just. these Justice Society characters still exist. And it's really hard, it's getting really hard to be like, yeah, back when I fought Hitler. And it's like, what, a hundred years ago? That's what I mean? Like, you got update those back when I fought Jimmy Carter. Exactly.

Well, that's why so much of the stuff with like Dr. Fate and Walkman talking about the old days is Pierce Brousson's like, the first time I saw an airplane. It was, I went outside and saw an RIF bomb a fly over. We were saying goodbye to those boys and blah, blah, blah. And then Hawkman is like, blah, blah, blah. The old day is working with you, Dr. Fait. And I was like, well, Aldous Hodge, do you not ate? Like, does Hockman not age? Great, hey, dude, great question.

Yeah, I mean, like, you are supposed to. I was asking Steve directly because I know I've seen him with a Hawkman shirt on him. I guess it's not canon. There's a lot of different Hawkman stuff. He ages regularly for the most part. Yeah. Sorry, Chris. All these are supposed to assume like, well, of course they have super strength.

Well, of course they have super healing. Well, of course they're kind of invincible or immortal or who gives. this shit. But like, that is not it. I need more than the con air intro to these characters. Yeah. No, totally. I mean, Conair, I feel like, give me a better intro to these characters. Well, because this. That's true.

Characters are more interested in than this fucking shit. Wait, so how did he get those tattoos? Oh, weird. I hope he doesn't get a number one. That's why they call him Adam smasher. Oh, boy. They're smashing it. The only function of the justice side, one of the many functions of the justice site,

in this movie is to just be like, to use a wrestling term for the rock, be jobbers. Basically like they show up and get the shit kicked out of them. How many times do I need to watch Hawkmen get his shit shoved in by Black Adam in this movie? Six, seven?

In Dwayne Johnson's contract, I believe four. Got it. The hard number and that he has to beat the other main character. This is just the classic now. I mean, this is the how you design a tent pole blockbuster now. Is you're introducing, you know, Black Adam

and you have Hawkman and all these other characters. They have to initially fight each other because it gives us an action set piece earlier in the film and then they can just apologize to each other and be friends and now team up and fight other stuff. It's just a shallow pursuit for an early set piece that is unearned. They botched it by trying to

play ketchup quickly. They didn't take the time. You got to mash those tomatoes. Yes, they got to do the whole fucking thing. I'm sorry. A little vinegar. Don't have too much sugar. It's disgusting. Throwing the Justice League movie out there so quickly before you got any of the other stuff settled kind of fucked the whole thing

like oh sure like you never you're never going to get back and then it became the fucking uh the structure of how they do everything this is just what they do I'm personally nervous about Aquaman too but anything else like if they're like oh James Gunn is firing Henry

Cavill they're restarting everything good idea yeah because everything is fucked you have fucked it all up so many times Aquaman is excellent. The first Wonder Woman is really good. James Guns the suicide squad is good. I don't know. What else? The Batman with Matt Reeves. The Batman, which is outside. If you really need a fucking universe, you got to. Start there. Yes, exactly. Restart it. Why couldn't you just take Cavill and put him in his own universe? Because I will tell you right now, he is the best part of this movie, man. He's in the movie for 10 seconds in the the back half of the stinger and it's the best part. I have to

say there's one actor in this movie that really made me happy and that is Pierce Brosman. Yeah. He's the one that really when I was like, I got to turn this off. It's too stupid. I'm almost like having a panic attack about how stupid this is. There's rumors about

Cavill being really difficult to work with saying some really inappropriate stuff. And there's like a, oh, he like left the Witcher to do Superman. There's talk about he was actually fired. Oh really? And now he's fired off of Superman too. Here's the thing. The

ultimate failure of Zach Snyder and fucking this entire project is at the end of this fucking movie. Henry Cavill shows up and they don't play the Hans Zimmer score. They play the John Williams score. Why? Because that's the only way people know what fucking Superman is. Because those movies

are fucking failures. They're not as culturally relevant as you would think. And I'm sorry everyone out there that's freaking out. but they also, I saw people were speaking to freaking out, they were freaking out because they were freaking out because they were freaking out because they were freaking out because Cavill

Are you a sound board? It's by your merge. He's wearing a lighter colored costume and people were angry. He wasn't in the cool black ones. You know what's rad though? And it's, it's, well, it's sad. It's shred.

Okay. I guess if you, if the trivia is to be believed, They gave him the choice of suit And he was like, I want to wear the suit For Man of Steel Because that movie changed my career And it kind of sounds in the quote

Like he's basically saying It was the last time I was professionally happy In my life I had fun being this character Because it's never made sense to me afterwards Probably Sure. You know what I mean?

It's never made sense to anyone afterwards. I've been fighting mountains of shit In these movies. Well, that's, I mean, dude, Henry Cavill, if you're not going to put him in Superman, which I think he is good in that role. Him in Mission Impossible is so good.

Make him a villain or a side guy. Do it for just a little while. I know he's handsome and you have to put handsome guys in the fucking lead. I would bet I'll put 50 bucks at the table for all you fuckers that he's going to be in the MCU within five years. As something, probably a villain. Steve, if you can have your dream casting, wouldn't you make a big?

I mean go to please answer I mean Let's see The lamest thing I will answer Is he could be a good gladiator Which is an X-Men villain That's basically Superman but an evil guy That's kind of a cool idea

I mean it's that'd be something But it's I don't know like I just We're the future gladiator Not them I'm sorry I mean just filling in the handsome quota He would be a good Cyclops I think

Oh sure yeah Yeah totally I mean he could be anything No wait who were we saying for cyclops recently And it made total sense to me Glenn Powell I mean, he's good. Yeah, he's good, too. Just one, I wanted to get that back into the universe because I, that's some good energy right.

Cavill's too thick for that role. Maybe a saber tooth or something. Yeah. Oh, that sounds good. Dude, my dick just moved a little bit. Dangalingling. Eat some hair on that guy? Because they are still looking for a new wolverine.

Yeah. You get a real short guy versus Henry Cavill as saber tooth. I'm excited. That would be pretty cool. But so we get seven minutes of pure exposition nonsense. And then there's more because fucking here comes the smashing pumpkins. And we're in modern day conduct. And I guess this thing in, I mean, politically this movie would like to push buttons,

but it won't. But like, so this Middle Eastern country is just thrown over by this play, this group of thugs called intergang. Called intergang. And no one gives a shit. Intergang. Yeah. So, and they're there for question mark. Why question mark.

but hey, they're going to be on the receiving end from a bunch of lines that seemed like they were written by Twitter. Like you or guys are imperialist. Yes, or Neo-imperialist is the one of the ones the kid gets. I mean, the whole fucking thing, like, so intergang, who sent you? Uh, we're intergang. So you're just like Eric Prince. We're intergring.

Well, we have to thank them at least for bringing us the English language. What was our native one? Intergang-ish. You are only getting, you know, whatever they're speaking in ancient conduct, like in subtitles. But yes, in 2020-22 conduct, where you're just speaking total English.

Hey, Intergang, what are you looking for? We look for Intergang. We are Intergang. Worry not what Intergang wants. Ittergang gets what it wants. Are they there for the Entertainmentium? Yes. I wish this movie found entertainment to you.

Oh, dude, entertainment team. That is a thing where, like, if you, those, like, specialty offshoot comics where it's like, this week, Wolverine's out looking for the entertainment team so he can bring it to the movie theater. What is this? I mean, we keep on following the Russo brothers into the darkness. And you're going to have, like, your people are going to be going and fucking killing whales and punching holes through their brain to find entertainium in their brains and suck it out. What is your, who are you against it?

We are against anything that is not intergang because we are intergang and anyone who's not intergang is not intergang. Oh, really? Well, what's your favorite sexual position? Intergang, bang, of course. We are against the outer gang. They never talk to us and have done nothing to us, but their name means everything. They need to be developed more and I know that would make the movie longer, but like maybe

have an inner gang leader that has some agency that works with. Here's the thing. There is one I think it's this dude Ishmael. Yes. Indeed the descendant of the king and he wants to get the crown for this turn into the Saabak devil monster

but the movie again we are screenwriters of the world I'm begging you the ones that are working now please understand the difference between a twist in your story and just like withholding valuable information that could make sense. Because if this guy, Ishmael

is the leader of intergang, because he's the one that's the descendant and blah, blah, blah, that they keep secret from you, that shit needs to be up front. So I know that this movie has a real villain in it. Good intergang to you, Ishmael. Good intergang. And a good intergang to you, sir. You are no longer Ishmael.

You are intergang. You will not speak interzactly. I kind of think, maybe I'm wrong. Somebody can check this. I think it's the same actor who plays Ishmael and King Akhtung. And so

like I saw him like, oh, so he's the bad guy. Yeah. Like immediately. I was like, oh, that's the bad guy because it's the same exact fucking person. And Intergang, by the way, is a concept. That's why Jack Kirby is thanked at the end of the movie. It's a concept of, it's kind of a cool concept, which is a group of thugs, like ground

level thugs that get apocalypse, i.e. dark side technology and start using it to trying to take over the world. Cool idea. That's a really cool idea. And to end, well, wait, seven seconds to say that. That could have been its own movie. That sounds like an interesting concept. And at no point

did they bother working in that we have dealt with Darkside in this universe and that could have been there. Ready to roll! It would be so easy to do that. It would give them agency. It would make us stop making this bad intergang joke, which I now love. This is another, like, I don't

want to give too much credit to the new wave of television superhero shit like Marvel's splitting out. But if this actually had 10 hours... And I could learn about intergang. Oh, hello, intergang. What did you see at the movies this weekend? Well, we saw Intergang.

Did you now in 3D in Intergang 3D? Because at least then, you are reliable to make that 40 minutes interesting and entertaining enough to continue. You find that entertainment to you. Exactly. But otherwise, you get to sprawling fucking mess and you just throw it out into the theater. I mean, that's the, it's like, it's not really even. like, Steve, I think, was hinting at this or dancing around this.

It's not even really Black Adams movie. It's Addie, the professor revolutionary and her son, who are terrible in this movie. I'm sorry. The way they react to certain supernatural things going around, like around around them, around around the Miami Soundboard. They're just like, oh, it's the, well, honey, that's the, oh, come on, come along, son. That's just the, well, that's the legions of hell. That's the reaction

Now that's not scared It's not there's no emotion in this movie I summoned a seven Six and a half foot fucking hulking behemoth that just tore people apart And shot them with lightning You want to come to my house and hang out dude Let's bring this guy to my apartment for some reason Well because they

What do you meet Amon who's the son Like trick does some funky shit at the intergang Checkpoint The Interpoint You are down, excuse me, you don't have any intergang points to get into the next intergang land. Oh, yeah. Well, you're a neo-imperialist enforcer.

Yeah, take that. I'm skitching on the back of this van like Friday. I spent an hour on Twitter. I got those words from somewhere else. They do this twice when the justice society had to catch myself shows up. You know, they're like just defenders of capital in the name of global. stability. So it's a similar thing there. They're both

presented as bad. But that would be interesting too, right? If they were like, hey man, intergangs been fucking butt fuck in this country for fucking 12 years. Where have you been? All of a sudden, oh, now we have any kind of power, i.e. Black Adam and now you're showing up. And they even like call him a weapon of mass destruction

at one point and get fucking, get fucked. There are things that there's a couple of times in this movie where they dip their toe into the water to be like, you and your fucking weird superhero cadre don't care about poor people in the Middle East That's what they're attempting to do

And every time it's this Adriana character Mostly brings it up The fucking movie stops And it reminds me that great Troy McClure bit Where it's like, let's ask a real scientist And the guy goes, ah And then they cut because it's like You don't give a shit about the Middle East

Except now that this superhero is here And like Dr. Fade or Hawk managers has to be like, and then they don't address it. And intergang's function here is actually so that we don't have to see Black Adam actually take down a Middle East dictator of some sort or maybe a royal family or something.

No, totally. Someone that's actually making these people live in oppression. Instead, intergang, who are mostly British people, I guess, in this version, and they're subdividing the Middle East, which is something they've been known to do. so there's just it's a cop out in a way when Prince Harry was over there was he part of Intergang

I think I think he set it up dude I went to a Halloween party as an intergang officer I told you I fucking told you I'm Prince Intergang now okay that's my fucking name just say it and then I took my mother's

chopstick and I put it on my willy apparently in his book he's talking about that my Tallywaka is into gang now and it's A cherry-flavored tallywacker. Yes, I read my own book. Chapter 6, me and my dick.

Now, my dick and me are good friends. We talk every day. Definitely better friends than me and my brother. You got to listen. Every day you got to give that guy a handshake. Yes, just a little talk. I don't know how that book got published with the cover where it just looks like the poster from the Martian.

Right. Yeah. It just looks like the poster from the Martian. And I was like, didn't anybody say anything? We should send him to Mars. He kind of feels like he's out on Mars all alone. It's the thing. You know what?

Here's the thing, man. It's super gratifying to not particularly have an opinion about those people. And I just want to say, well, just let them live their lives. And at the same time, them, them, stop writing books. Stop with your little documentaries and whatnot. Just go live your life. You know what this? That's the thing is there's something, I don't, you know, there's something about shut the fuck up.

And old royals used to do that. Yeah. Well, yeah. No, that would be great. Well, that's, what else are they going to do? Just go quietly. They don't know how to do that. Go whole hog and fucking take it down then. Sure. If you're going to keep bitching about it, take them down from the inside. Absolutely. That'd be wonderful. This woman is her name, Adriana. Did I miss that?

Addie is what she's kept on being. Adriana Tomaz and her uncle, her brother, Kareem, and the other guy, Ismail and some other guy, are driving in a van because they realize that Intergang is about to get the crown And if they get the crown That's gonna be really bad So Adriana just knows where it is Because she's like a Tomb Raider type For four minutes and 13 seconds

It's a thing in this movie That they It's like It's so piss poor But they allude to like Her also being A descendant Yes of course

Of Black Adam So like again Because the other guy Ishmael knows that he's like He can't fuck her Well that's I mean, Andrew, it's all about family. Well, I know, but if Ishmael knows his family lineage and he's using that, like, you know, his motivation for this evil thing,

her characters should know this too, because she's got the same necklace that you see Black Adam or Teth Adams's wife wearing. Yeah, they're at every gift shop down in the Kandak. By the way, by the way, objection, Your Honor. If I travel 5,000 years of the future, who knows how many descendants I might have? have. I should be able to fuck them. That's all

I'm saying. Really? I mean, it's like the Genghis Khan thing. You know what I mean? Like, we're all related to Genghis Khan in some way or another. I don't know. You can all be fucking our cousins right now. Exactly. Eric would just go sell a bit. If that those were the rules around it, you'd be like, nope, not risking it. Sorry. I mean, I wouldn't fuck a lady

that looked like me with a bow in her hair. I'd let's do close. But it was just a... Would you, if there was definite biological proof that you were not related? Yeah, sure. You'd have said someone looks exactly. I don't know. Why would I subject myself? What you're saying? Here, put on this blue beetle dessert, baby.

What are you saying over there? Sorry. That the blood is diluted to such a point that it's not going to result in crazy. It's, uh, incest, you know. Incest babies. Yeah, I think you're okay. What else? What else is there? Oh, internal damnation. Look, baby, it doesn't always happen that way. Sometimes the kids are normal. I like to roll the dice. I mean, you don't know. We could. really be one of the lucky ones. By the way, this dude, Kareem is played by Muhammad Amer who's on that Hulu show Rami

which is pretty funny. I've seen a little bit of it. He's trying his best of this movie, but the baby come back joke is like, mothballs. Like, fucking mothballs. Guess what? It was so good. They do it multiple times. There's so many moments of comedy in this movie that it's just, it's telegraphing.

They're expecting the audience to erupt in applause and laughter. There are so many fucking deadpan jokes for Dwayne Johnson, and I just, he doesn't got it. I'm sorry. Of the many talents he does have, the deadpan thing does not work. See, now this is interesting though, right? You get him with someone who can match the energy. Him and Kevin Hart in that central intelligence movie, Kevin Hart brings out Dwayne Johnson's

comedic muscles, pun intended, in an interesting way that these dudes being like, so that happened. But he don't work. He belongs in comedies. He should just get out of trying to be a serious action star. It doesn't work. He needs the Arnold track of like doing a bunch of which he started out with right because he was like the pacifier walking tall. No, that was Vindy's

whichever. He did his own. Game plan. Tooth Fairy and game plan. Those are the ones. Yes. So like that and grid iron gang was another one. One thing in the very long development of this movie since like 2007 it was originally going to be a Shazam movie and they wanted, which is kind of a good

idea, Dwayne Johnson to be the embodiment of Shazam. It's a kid and then like, poof, now you're Duane Johnson. And he does whatever that... It would be better than Zachary Levi. Because then you're doing like, Dwayne Johnson having to be like a little kid inside of a huge body.

That I can see here. Like the Black Adam, I actually, I'm going to do a live reaction. I want everyone to laugh at me. What's this? Uh-oh. Here we go. Folks, he's reaching into his bag. I will say well, he sets us up. Oh, is this a Bud wire moment? Are we just going to see something right now? Are you going to commit suicide on the air?

I might. So, like, I, I bought a comic book because I was like, I haven't read anything for Black Adam. I should read it. I went to the comic book store. And this is what it looks like. Nope. And I was reading this on the, it's a big picture of Dwayne Johnson as Black Adam. I saw Pierce Browson in there, too.

Exactly. Right. So are they, is this just a photo book? That's just a photo of him. No, no, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a commercial material on it. Okay. The promotional material on it. And I was reading.

this on the train this morning and I would rather be reading hardcore pornography because people are just like looking at me as a little goblin man being that guy loves that black Adam movie Wait so it's is it a black Adam comic or is it a Justice Society comic that's being rebranded as a Black Adam

Oh that's even worse but you can't even tell from the fucking Of course not because nothing on that cover says Justice Society. Nope it says Black Adam slash JSA that's where it's like Oh yeah there it is but I'll disagree a little bit on I think the rock is a good action star, but he has to be in the Tom Cruise mold. Don't that the major issue here is you're putting him in another friend like this just the the deep him in a comic book movie.

It just feels wrong. I agree. He has to be. It's a little like oil and water. I think he's really, really like, not compelling, but like fun to watch in those fast movies. Yeah. And like skyscraper in those. I don't like those movies. But I sure. a ship prefer those to most of this DC Marvel ship. He's running on fumes. Yes, he is. This is a crossroads for him. I feel like, like, stuff like skyscraper. I see what you're saying, but

like it still doesn't have the juice. It's not good. I wish he was better. I think the problem is he's too rich and out of touch now. He needs to like, I don't, he needs to stop living his life like a walking brand because that's all he done. Everything is like the hustle and whatever. And it's all

like built into his like public persona because like that's his whole story about like yeah the fucking production company seven bucks productions he fucking went out into the world with seven bucks in his wallet that's the whole thing and keep on the grind and blah blah blah i'm like hey man go away for a while and be selective like people will be here when you start over fucking learn humility learn something to draw on for acting experiences because you can't right now give yourself over to a like a director who has a vision like these are all movies that just are like this is going to make money

This is also going to make money Just go to someone Who's big and be like Do what put me in a movie I can get I can secure you funding No matter what the fuck man Here's an interesting thing Or Steve you were trying to get something

No but just basically Go go where you go Why I was I was gonna say Is this anything Because Jalma started his career in horror Yes And Jalma and the rock are just buds Making all these unwatchable movies

Sure What if Jalma goes back horror and DJ goes into a hard movie. Can we do the rock in a horror movie? He'd be a slasher. I mean, the rock as a slasher. Well, the problem with that is like what? Like every good slasher has a mask of some kind.

Yeah. I mean, part of you wouldn't even tell he's there. He's just cane hotter then. Or if it's like, I mean, I guess we'll kind of like that. Oh, dude, Kane Hodder biopic. Well, that wouldn't really work with doing Johnson cast. But the problem, I don't know. His performance in this movie is just like

pissed. He's just, and like, which what I was reading in that comic. Not drunk, like pissed off. Yes, which I was reading in that comic that embarrassed me to no end is like the Black Adam, and I remember this from other DC comics as well, like, he has this like regality and imperiousness to him, like this real kind of like

hearty fucking like, how dare you even look at me kind of thing. And like that is something that's an interesting character trait to build on for a character. You know what I mean? Like, but this is just sort of like I'm mad because my son died. 5,000 years ago or something.

It's just like, I'm the Rock and I'm here to sell you this. Yes, yeah, totally. I'm literally surprised Black Adam does not take a sip of Dwayne Johnson's energy drink in this movie. Oh, man. I bet you they said no to him on that one. They're just like, you know what? No, Dwayne,

we can't be doing this. I will say we are getting to a moment I was almost enjoying myself when we get Addy gets ransacked by all these Eric Princeites and they are about

to murder her and she says the whatever the description inscription says it's a clever line for the screenplay I think because this inter gang soldier comes up and is like you know anything to see any last words or whatever and she goes tell my son

and then starts saying the spell which is kind of cool and then she says Shazam I think is the last one and Capoof here comes Black Adam he's got a hood on I guess it was cold and hell I like I like the cloak I like the hood of thing and I honestly at first

I thought there was some cool action moments here because I liked the way he moved yeah his body moved in this sequence yeah but then you get the fucking painted black dude that's the thing is you start like the first he gets one guy and he like actually kill like yes

you see a long time it's a good kill it's a good kill total disintegration and seeing all these guys get killed and like, not getting killed. Like, yeah, we're not like playing around with that. Furl on Mertaville. And I was

so into this and then I'm like, oh man, yeah, yeah. Pity, black, black. I'm like, you're this is what it hate. I'm like, you have enough here. You have enough here. Why are you trying to jazz me? And then he's slowing down time. Music is

blaring and he's slowly killing people. If Zach Snyder didn't completely ruin coolish looking slow-mo by putting it in every single movie he's ever made. This sequence, I guarantee you would come off a little cooler to us, but it's just, it's a thing

that you've seen a thousand times and putting it to paint it black. I mean, I'm sorry. It's Days of Future Past with Evan What's his face as quick silver. Time in a bottle. Yeah, time in a bottle. Like it's, I've seen this so many times, especially with the pop song. I also love like, it is

the old Superman joke of like you shoot, you know, in the old Superman show, they would shoot him five times and then throw the gun at him. Like, if you've got these Eternium rockets, like the regular rockets aren't working. Yep. It's kind of like if you were fighting Superman and you had a bunch of kryptonite

rockets, and you're like, no, no, no, no, no. We need to go through all 5,000 bullets that we have here. Well, we bought them. I mean, what are we going to do just sit on these rockets? We need to fire them somewhere. They do shoot that whatever entertainmentium rocket. And it actually does

hurt him. Yes. And then that's the last week. It's literally there's the one part where he gets his hand hurt because he punches through the hutch and accidentally touches the crown, which is made of the same stuff. And he's like, ooh,

ooh, what? I prick my finger. How does this not come up in the fucking climax? It's just because this movie's probably written 16 different times over a period of a decade and they forgot about that part. Which is crazy. I mean, there's, I mean, we will get to that fucking the, the, uh, uh, entertainium shield thing.

That scene makes no sense whatsoever. The shield over the temple? The circular shield that they're in when they make the exchange. Oh, yes. That's dumb. That does make no sense. You're right. We're going to get, I was like yelling. I was like, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? In my own home to nobody. Can I just say the last thing about the music because you're right. I mean, you do want to give up on music watching this movie. But when you have a movie that starts out at 2,600 BC, and then you want to set it in the present day

don't have your needle drop be a song that's 30 years old yeah okay one don't do that that's a bullet with butterfly wings but they're illustrating that it's present day because intergang has motorcycle drone things and that's fine but then you're listening to classic rock radio yeah right they got it under the fucking oldie station but then also with the stones it's just like the pumpkins into the stones you know no no

No intelligible music curation whatsoever. It was just some kid picking all the hits from Dad's Barbecue and got paid for it. And wow, that's infuriated. Black Adam, you know that painted blacks about like a Vietnam veteran. What? What's going to? It's not about Peyton.

I thought we're just painting stuff. Thought it sounded cool. When Darksided Desaad created the intergang motorcycles, he put Sirius XM, but the problem is, the thing is it's only on lithium at all times. Oh, yeah. Stuck on channel 34, are you? That's unfortunate.

We're also getting baby come back. Oh, boy. Well, I'm not paying extra for all of the Howard Stern channels. Why would you need local sports coverage? You don't even know what basketball is. Take it or leave it into gang. Take it or leave it. No, I'm not paying for the add-on that you can use the app outside the car.

It's for your motorbikes. And that's it. Is Bababooie still on? Maybe I'll reconsider. If Gary Delabate is still on Skaf, yes, you may have the out-of-the-car app add-on. Can I get the old stuff where he was super sexist? I mean, he's always just light sexist,

but like the really bad stuff, the toxic stuff. Can I get that stuff? Play all the golden oldies before Stern was visited by three, ghosts in the night is the girl who's riding the Sibian and this channel. Man, I would rather be watching private parts. Absolutely. Hell yeah.

Private parts is awesome. Yeah, it's a good movie. So he dispatches all these people, he gets hit by Eternium, and then he like passes out. This is when we introduced the Justice Society, because almost a blackouto movie for five minutes. No, no, no, no. We get all the Justice Society in there. Yeah, we get fucking Henry Winkler cameo,

which is not great. I love Henry Winkler. I'm glad he's having a moment, but like I... If you're not... Bring him back. All he says, do what Carter tells you, Carter being Hawkman. Hawkman, sure. But it's like, so then was he...

Again, is Hawkman 70 years old or what? I didn't even put it together, but you're totally right. Here's another fucking 80-year-old man telling him to listen to Hawkman. Dude, the original... You know, the Justice Society should... There should be a picture of it, like, you know, like a Watchman. And it's the entire Happy Days crew as the Justice Society. You get Ralph Malf in there.

You get Richie Cunningham. Hell yeah, dude. Ralph Malf was Dr. Midnight. Richie Cunningham as Starman. I can go on all day. Potty as Blue Beetle. Yeah, there you go. Ron Howard makes a FaceTime call to Cyclone.

No, no. Nice. Steve, could you please keep going? I'd rather not talk about the film. And are we in the... Is this Hawkman's mansion or... Yes. Because Pierce Brousin is commuting.

to Hawkman's mansion. Pierce Broson's first line in this movie is fucking fantastic. He's in a car. He's fallen asleep because he's watching, he's been watching Black Adam. And then like his butler awakes to me. And he's like, we're here, sir. And he goes, oh, great.

And I'm like, I know what you're talking about. There's a couple of other times and I hope I can find him in my notes, but there are lines of dialogue that he utters in this movie where I'm sorry, Chris, I have to push back on it. He don't give his shit either. But he's got He's got presents He can cover it up with the presence

And you know The British fucking force field around him Totally I think the only person here Who is trying And I really I feel sad for him Is Noah Salantro I think he's really just having

Who's that? He's the Adam Smashers Adam Smasher Is he trying? I think he is I think this is a big deal for him He's a big movie The Rock's in it

And I'll point out He's in all of those To the boys that I love before movies on Netflix it would be weird if we watch those so we're not aware that he's in them but I did look it up on IMDB I know that those movies are being

I think he's also on the Fosters which was like a TV show as well The show Australian for beer Woo It's Intergang for beer Two liters of Intergang for my Intergang Friends Intergang. It's Intergang

It's Intergang for Intergang Intergang has Intergang Movie Night where we watch to all the intergang I love. And next week, romantic classic, interblanca. P.S. Intergang. I can't wait to watch it.

I'm very excited about this new Martin McDonough movie. The bad she's of Intergang! Man, while watching Erdogan, I wanted to cut my fucking fingers off. Throw him out a donkey. If you say Intergang one more time, I'm taking me fingers

off. I ain't going to be doing no more fiddling, because you can't stop saying intergang. That is the listening audience right now. Oh, yes, we will get together on Sundays to watch the last of intergang. We love Bella Ramsey. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you got Disney Plus for the intergangian?

It's like a Western, but he's an intergang. He even has intergang bike. Perfect. But so like whatever This movie has seen some X-Men movies, man Because that fucking The Hawkman plane Comes up from the fucking basketball court

Exactly like those X-Men movies It's insane And fuck you dude It's insane And so was there I mean because like I don't know Literally anything about Hawkman

Other than like Why you just watched a whole fucking movie about him Yeah but it's Aldous Hodget I got some theories about his performance Sure We'll get to But Well here's my thing about

Aldous Hodge, because I can't remember the other thing I was saying, but this dude who I've liked in other things, I think he's really incredible in one night in Miami. Yes. You know, he was on way, way back. He was on Friday Night Lights, you know. That's what I remember mostly. Real good actor. He's awful in this. It's so, it's not, it's beyond low energy. And my theories are he either did not care for working with Dwayne Johnson, who he shares a lot of scenes with solo, like one-on-one here. happen a lot if I are sure uh or 58 oh my god this fucking guy or sorry I slipped in my tequila brand in that take he um or he got to look at himself in this hawkman costume yeah and was instantly embarrassed and was just like oh fuck oh fuck well that's the thing is that any young actor or

up-and-coming actor yeah oh you're in one in Miami how playing jim brown pretty exciting role you're going to be fucking Hawkman next. And again, I'm sitting here in an X-Men t-shirt, being the world's biggest loser reading fucking Black Adam on the train. But there needs to be better fucking opportunities for actors, folks. There really needs to be. I mean, this

whole thing, we're talking about how they're working very X-Men like, at the time, a bottle, like it does feel like a collection of the big scenes from the other movies. But the actual like dialogue, the relations, all that stuff is CWDC

level and it feels very much like that because like as good as Aldous Hodge and Pierce Broson and everybody else is in other projects like this just like nobody can bring the presence that like Dwayne and Pierce have like they just can't

like I feel sorry because like they're working actors and they should be given they should be given opportunities like this even to have some fun but it doesn't even seem like they're having fun that's the thing dude is like how are you not and again I can't

speak to the production conditions or whatever, but like, how are you not a pig and shit making a movie? Like, you're a Dwayne Johnson movie. You're playing Hawkman. It wound up being, not for nothing, the fucking series is canceled, but it was DJ's biggest fucking domestic weekend opening when it opened. Like, it was a successful movie. And like the fact that everyone is here and it feels like there are guns to their heads, like you're getting paid to fly around and be ridiculous, man. Let's wake up a little bit. Have some fun with it They get there

We cut back to What do you call it there? Black Adamie wakes up in Iman's room And the I mean like you might as well Have comic books of Osama bin Laden With the Justice League Has done to this

Fucking planet The cities they have leveled Beneath their boot You're like oh man I love Superman I love Wonder Woman I don't fucking think so And I'm like in

In world like in the CU buying comics of these people. Yeah. And this is... Those are newspapers in world. It's like men in black reading the National Enquirer. That's the newspaper.

But it's... Oh, go ahead. I mean, and we get more when the fight scene happens. When we see the justice society ruining this fucking conduct, including all of their fucking,

you know, millennia old statues of one. Just knocking them down. They destroy more. artifacts than ISIS did. Their response. Is they going to read this comic books? Yeah. Their response is Urkel. Did I do that? Yeah, totally. Just, sorry,

Adam Smasher made a poopy. Well, it's okay because it's not, you know, Western culture. Oops, I stepped on something that was older than written history. Sorry. Getting used to the new suit. It's a loader.

Sorry about your culture. Look, I'm writing IOUs here. That's eight. statues, I owe you. I'm sorry about like the fifth-billed person can't be the little stinker. He can't. That has to be a bigger role. Also, the movie already has a little stinker.

It's a disgusting shit boy named Amon. Yeah. Oh, my God. Let Adam's Master just be a grown adult. This is when, this is when, and I'm going to start, because it's, it was in, we talked about it a lot last week, which is still available, by the way, our Thor, Thor, the, uh, Thor, Thor, uh, Thor, Thor, uh, live show, live streaming show, go to WHM podcast.com slash door to get that ticket.

but if I hear one more reference to I'm a superhero I guess I need a catchphrase in one of these fucking ill-begotten superhero movies I will take my own life I'm serious I know this is not the end but this in a natural organic film culture world I feel like we'd be at the tipping point and the crest of the wave

of the superhero genre but I know they're going to be manufactured for the next thousand years somehow we're going to keep making them but it does seem like they're taking a hit this latest phase has really been fucking up Marvel everything the DC I mean other than Batman I the everything

like the DCU I mean I understand why they brought James Gunn because it's a fucking catastrophe it is you know what James Gun that's a motherfucker that can curate a soundtrack by the way oh yes that's that's what he's known for at this point he's the most talent probably you know well not like counting Matt Reeves

is Batman sure he's probably the most talented like out of that pool here and I mean James Peacemaker was good the suicide squad was good and so both those Guardian movies we'll see what the third one has I mean it's one of those things where like it's

there are still people in this world waking up I saw this the other day it was like there was the slate of the new DC movies or where it was like just give Zach Snyder four more years and then you could do whatever you want I'm like you want you want the Warner Brothers Corporation to give this guy what another billion

dollars to prove this. Four more years. What are they going to send him to college? Maybe he should fucking study film there. He needs three more releases. It's the new Justice League movie. It's the fucking death stroke movie he wanted to do. And if you just give him one billion dollars, I'll leave you alone. It's like, what are we talking about? Is he like coming to your house and giving you Christmas presents?

Like, I don't understand. I think it's because it's like when these movies premiered, like a lot of people were 12 years old or whatever. So they glommed on to that. And, you know, when you're a young, adolescent boy like the dark is cool. Yeah. That type of shit you, it crystallizes your mind little crystals of madness for him

to quote Gallaginus when he talked about Star Wars fandom. Oh, I love that. Yeah. I mean it's true, it's a true thing. You get too obsessed over something. You become a fucking weird asshole. And also stuff with DC, a lot of those fans seem to be DC fans solely to be making

foot of MCU show. Yes, exactly. And like, you know, fine. It's Ken Watanabe, let them fight. Because everyone needs a team, right? All forms of politics is now sports. Culture war garbage is now sports. And for some reason, because I don't know, maybe one of the MCU characters was a lady.

That is now the woke side of things. And now this is the quote unquote, unwoke side of things, which is it? Guess what? Pepsi and Coke will both fucking are both bad for you. You know what I mean? Like you can say like Coke sucks because I love Pepsi. Pepsi sucks because I love Coke.

it's still not like you should probably still be drinking a lot of water like you can still drink Pepsi and Coke for sure as or diet and otherwise but you should probably have water you should probably get some juice in there coffee down then coffee be fine you don't like diversify your diet exactly that'd be nice uh yeah so just you know the it's always weird in these movies where it's like the hero is like rooming with the family for a while because part of it always gives the vibe of like, well, now there's like a new dog in the house. You know what I mean? And this kid's just like, well, you got a suit. You got Kate. You got powers. You don't piss on the floor anymore. No, all you need is a cat.

It's just like, just how have we not learned that siding or siding a hero or whatever with a kid is just so, one, it's played, but also like it was never interesting. No. And you know what I mean?

But if you do, it, you have to do it. That has to be the movie. Amon disappears for large swats, thankfully. Because then the Justice Society shows up. I mean, like, yeah, and he starts walking through these walls like a fucking asshole. Right. After he lightening's the bed. Yes. Yeah. I mean, Black Adam is bursting through these walls like the Kool-Aid man. And at one point, I think it's, it's his Pierce Browson, one of them is like, didn't they have doors when you fucking live? You know, and he's like, yes, we walked through them. And I'm like, all right,

well, now you should be a jerk. Yeah, like, that's the, that's the joke that you put in the screenplay, but it doesn't make sense why he's collating all through this. I was almost mad when that happened because I had written that joke earlier in my notes and they did it in the movie. And I'm like, also, Amon is kind of like Wallace of Wallace and Gromit. He has an exit system that he built to get himself out of his, like, it's a fake drawer that you pull up. Like, who built this? Like, is this kid just a super, is he Tony Stark? I think his mother also has got some stuff going on because she puts the crown which kind of hurt my feelings like oh cool pretty cool DVD players like oh no that's just for sure we just use that to store stuff I think because they're part of the resistance etc

sure but like it's like a man it's a man made laundry shoot in your apartment through your building yeah like this just struck me as like if we're going to build this guy this kid as like a super genius go all the way

But it just seems to be this. And then he's like, I like Batman. Yes. Are you like Batman? The room full of superhero memorabilia. Now on sale, by the way. It's all stuff that you could totally. You could have Amon's room tonight if you wanted it.

But this movie, this movie is doing something that I think they thought was way cool and it's lame as shit, which is like, we're giving the finger to the rest of those guys. Because there's a part where they're fucking around in this apartment. And Hawkman comes in. this is like the second or third time Hawkman and Black Adam are doing battle and they just are fighting in this poor family's apartment

and they get in the kid's room and there's all these close-ups of like them fighting and like Batman pictures getting torn down and super there's a part where there's a Superman poster and Black Adam punches through the door and he punches through Superman's face and it's pretty cool

fuck all these pussies here's the new badass hierarchy shift yeah this is it your grip this ain't your older brothers DC movie but when you say because like the Justice Society comes upon Black Adam

they fight him they lose spectacularly and they do it two more times in like seven minutes. For no reason this could have been screen time we used to develop inner gang at all. This could be maybe you know that initial fight with a villain of any kind instead of

just seeing all the cool powers of these super Super Heroes. Cyclone, they fly around in a circle. There's fucking rainbows coming out of their butt and it's like, okay, I don't, what is this? I don't even know what's going on. Adam Spasher. Nanobots.

It's now. Okay, wonderful. Then Adam Smasher becomes Ant Man and he turns big and he punches down and then I'm praying for death guys. I really, this is probably one of the worst moods I've been in. Well, I'll tell you what, Eric, what was genius

about not making Intergang a real villain is, Dwayne Johnson is both hero and villain of this movie. You see, because like every other one of these goddamn movies, it's like, actually, the villain has a reason for being bad, too.

Can't we all be so understanding? Dude, it's like when they made that newest Home Alone movie with Ellie Kemper and Rob What's his face, Delaney, and it was like, oh no, they're not bad people. They just got poor around the holidays. but I mean like you know all this shit happens at some point Ismail shows up shoots the other guy in the stomach and I'm like hey cool that guy's dead oh the uncle yeah the uncle of the stomach but later he's just totally fine and he kidnaps and Amon in like the big sequence and now we're looking to find there's several intergang bikes going at several different areas also how large is Kandahar because of Kandak because I just feel like it

shouldn't be that large where these bikes are going for a long time and like a thousand miles an hour like they'd be in chicago eventually we crash land in china and one so it's like they went that far at least and the only way you really notice you know is like if you have the subtitles on it confirms that those people are speaking Mandarin so it's like because they crash land in like a farm yeah and it's like two farmers like standing there and they speak to each other and it just the subtitles are like speaks in Mandarin and I'm like all right so I guess I guess they flew somewhere in China. I could tell from the mountains.

They're probably near Gwai Lin. I'm serious. That's true? Maybe. You're the only one in this room that's been to China. That's true. I take your word for it. I mean, it's very much, uh, um, it's the Middle East. Just whatever you got a city in the Middle East.

That's what it is. It's about that size and probably has a name like that. You know, it can't. That sounds like it. See, that's the thing is if we took the, I know, like, I'm sorry. But, like, we took the time for Intergang or whatever, just like... Always make the time for Intergang! But walk a mile on those shoes before you tell me they're bad.

I want to see what the actual world is. I need an Andy Circus leader of some kind, maybe. Yeah, you need a number two again, because Ishmael is the main baddie in the end. He's sort of playing, like, the initial heavy and the end bad guy. Make, make two others. I mean, we're just, this is just a Superman kind of knockoff. type of thing. Oh yeah, totally. And there's the entertainment that hurts him.

Yeah. You need, kind of need Alex Luther or someone like that as the inner gang leader that has these, maybe he's the guy but the entertainment bullets and that's we don't, that's something. If we made Superman 1978 now, there'd be fucking 14

cameos in it. You know what I mean? You're not just going to put Gene fucking Hackman in there and say, go to work, dude. You know what I mean? Like, we don't do that anymore. We don't have actors for that. Or we do. We just care to do it or they don't care to be in the movies of the scripture so bad. Whatever the reason is no, it's more is more as

more is more. We're going to have a cyclone in here. We're going to have Adam Smashers. We're going to have Amanda Waller. It's going to be so exciting. I wonder if part of you just inspired an interesting thought because you were saying like there's these good actors that maybe don't want to do these movies. There's no maybe about that, but you know, they don't want to do these movies

for whatever reason. I wonder if one of those reasons and now because I'm thinking about Gene Hackman being in Superman 78, like part of it has to be the way in which they make these movies right yeah like you you talk to some people and it's like no I don't want to stand in front of a screen and talk to a person with a bunch of dots on their face you know what I mean well you don't want a 15 picture holding agreement exactly yeah you want to be a Lex Luthor awesome here's sign away the next 12 years of your life you know what I mean like which I'm sure they had sequel stipulations in place for Hackman and all those guys in 78 but like at least then it was like you're making a movie where you're you can see the set. Someone had to build the set. Exactly.

You know, can you imagine, like, well, it's maybe in part two. When is it when he's got the, like, flooded train station hideout and there's swimming? That's in the first one. Is it in the first one? I couldn't remember. But, like, can you imagine

a film production building that set today? No, they would never do it. There's like two directors that would demand that that happened. I'm dreaming of that and crying, tears of joy. If that actually happened, I'd be so... I want the underground.

I'm crying because I'm picturing Gene Hackman swimming. Well, yeah, that would also. Look at Richard Donner. They had actual directors back then. Actual directors. Sorry for the fan base for this director. Colette, Sarah.

I mean, I want what you're smoking. I mean, the thing is with them is like, I can't blame. I don't blame Chloe Zhao for what happened with Eternals, really. No. Because the system, it's, the editing is not in their control. The action scenes aren't in their control. It's pre-vis. Everything is, like, all they make is like the most tiny,

fucking decisions about like generally putting this thing together. That's the thing is I gotta mean like and at the end of this movie with the Superman thing and all the little Easter eggs to get you to get to the next movie you know it's a great way to get to the next movie make a good first one. Yes. You know what I mean? Let's like really put all our chips in the

basket. No, no, no, no, no. Let's really make a good movie here. But Steve, what if I divide all my attention planning all these other sequels and then they're all going to be shit together? Steve, don't you remember all those great scenes in Batman 89 and where like you just like hear Oswald Cobblepot like oh yeah

he's just just born the baby that got lost oh no what are we going to do and then like at the very end you heard that at the very end oh look at a rose from somebody looks like it might be poison ivy ladies and gentlemen stay tuned to two movies for that

I know it's funny is the Nolan movies do do that but they're handled better they are handled better but I mean you can't yes you can't entirely let them off the hook though. I mean, that man begins ending with that fucking playing card. Which you absolutely did. That's pre- Sam Jackson

coming out in Iron Man. Yeah, but and you absolutely did not need to do that. No, of course not. I would, you just said the Joker's in the when I see the trailer. I'm like, oh, the Joker's in that one. I'm going to go see it. Yeah. I think Chris Nolan though is where everybody got the idea to take directors with Clout.

Sure. And then put them on these things and where Chris Nolan, of course, just like survived it because he's great. But like, but he was early enough that he could define the style and actually do what he wanted to do. The system had been set up yet. Exactly. Now, you know, you have Marvel doing

like the pre-visualizations where these directors literally aren't directing the action sequences whatsoever. It's predetermined by producers in a computer. So then you really do need directors that are very good with actors and Chloe Zhao was fine. Could have been better. But that

it is not necessarily all her fault. Yeah. Yeah. And then then you have all these other movies. Like you get the guy here who directed the commuter and it's just like what what exactly is being brought to the table because now if everything's done by computers and it's all visual effects what are

you doing here because you're not directing the actors sufficiently in this instance what he's doing there is being buds with Dwayne John's exactly which hey it's good work if you can get it you know my favorite part of this movie and it's right around here Dr. Fate in this bathrobe

oh yeah so like we're on this not X wing I guess we'll call it the Hawk wing yeah sure and uh they've they've achieved this crown and they're analyzing it with a bunch of goofy computer tech which you don't really know where hawkman got it but it's like i guess hawkman's just rich yeah the idea all right sure yeah but like pierce brazen just comes out it's like hawkman is like you know just fly in the jet or whatever and being all like you know in his head or whatever's going on and pierce brazen just swings over this door and he's just got this silk bathroom on like hello everyone oh oh oh what are you doing there hawkman you seem a

little upset, are you? It looks good. It looks really good. I mean, the beard on this guy. I mean, he looks like a million bucks. I do, I will, I will praise this movie for one thing, especially a lot I think the costumes are actually really good. I think like the, yeah, I think the Black Adam costume is good, the Adam Smashers costume is good,

the Dr. Fate costume. Looks really good. They look really good. They really, they really thought about that part of it. This is reminded me of that scene towards, you know, in Ed Wood, where they're waiting for the reviews to come back. And they're like, they the costumes are very real. that's the nicest thing

you could say about it. I mean, it kind of is. I was like, the costumes look good. Whoever did the costumes did a good job. Yeah, they realized that Amon has been kidnapped and he's at the interg... This is like the most confusing part of the goddamn movie. Intergang has... Intergang has Amon in their hideout

Ismael has in their deep stronghold and... Which is in some mining shaft or something? It's kind of supposed to be a joke, but it actually is really confusing where they're like, all right everybody we're going to go in as a team we're going to do this that and the other thing we're going to have to take out the lights on this and then like it's such a quick jump cut to black adam doing more of the same black adam stuff i'm like wait is this are they is it one of those montages where they're talking about what is going to happen or is this like you don't even i'm so confused by it that's the uh conje west power yes yes i think that of course that aged very well not great not a good uh good good look as they say but like the joke there quote unquote is supposed to be like oh they do all this

planning when you could just do stuff yeah and like look what black adam's doing stuff yeah he just hit that thing and exploded and it's just i mean again like because because black adam and this another problem black adam is so powerful they make him so powerful in this movie yeah nothing stops him nothing faces him nothing and it becomes really repetitive to watch him You ever play something with ungod mode for a little while? It gets fucking boring. And there needs to be either, and that's why it would make sense if he was the villain of Shazam

and Shazam's just as powerful and then they fight each other. The one thing about that is that no way in fucking hell is Dwayne Johnson allowing himself to be number two under Chuck. That's just not happening. That's absolutely true. But you know, that's also why these movies aren't that interesting. Yeah. It's, you know, they're fun. Some of them are fun, but like super guy has superpowers and it's just God mode.

And you know, you know there's not actual stakes that are going to happen. I know people will point to end game or whatever, but. Oh, wow. One of them really died. I mean, the, yes, exactly. One out of a billion. That the, the Batman from last year, the best superhero movie of last year by a country fucking mile. at the end with the water and stuff it's one guy trying to make all this stuff happen like you feel that you know what I mean because it's a well-made movie also which also doesn't which also didn't need

the Joker Stinger either they got to go back to fucking concept with that Joker by the way I like Barry Cogan as much as the next guy but let's just rethink some stuff I need to come I really like that like that actually gave me chills when I saw it really Barry Coney's the air conditioning on yeah

Yes. Yes, it was. Sick fucking, well, sick chill. I almost said Wallace and Gromit, but that's not a way now. Tyrannis. With that fucking shot, I popped off. But for whatever reason. Stattler and Waldorf. That's right. It was a Stattler and Waldorf show. Anyway. But I mean, like, but even like, you know, Superman 79 or Superman 2, like, you don't mean like, if you actually care about making these fights interesting, you can.

But they don't. In this movie specifically, he's just zipping around. and like once you get to the fact oh shit he's killed those guys once that loses it's Lester which it does really quickly you're terribly bored so now we're in this impossible room with Ismail has

anon behind a force field of some kind right it's it's entertainium it's an entertainium field we also have force fields being thrown around by Dr. Fade yeah this force field stuff come on well like

so what we're going to the spoiler, what's going to be revealed eventually is that this Akhtung, the, the king of the 2600 B. Ishmael has to be killed for him to get his superpowers back. Sure. Yeah. Right. Because the, the, the, uh, they were always reading it as like, like what, life is the path to death. But it was death is the path to life. So you know what? David Berkowitz believed. No. David Berkowitz. No, I think so. No, I think Dane Cook

believes that. He would come back as some type of demonic king. Didn't me? They're behind a forest field and he's like,

give me the crown that will give me unlimited power and destroy the whole world if you give it to me and I'll give you your son back. And this lady's a great idea. And I'm like,

well, listen to the second part of that sets the whole world, which has your son in it, will be destroyed. I'm just lady doctor explorer. Here's the crowd. Here's the crowd.

Here you go. did you hear what they said black adam they take the baby there's a scene like before they get in there where they're talking about like what they want to do and it's like let's just fucking kill this dude or whatever and she's just like no my son is in there and as long as my son and i was like lady you're part of the resistance you gotta be ready for that kid to die black adam agrees are there right because he's just like not your country not your son so it's not your decision and then and then then it's a problem immediately yeah my son is special he likes comic books

and he's skateboards oh just like me in the audience that must mean I'm special and once he was really really mean to intergang okay so he's special and we're gonna like the whole thing is like

he uh uh ishmael turns on this shield because fucking black Adam can't get through it sure but then all the sudden he he gives a little signal to his man to turn it off. Yes, definitely. Now, it makes sense that Ishmael wants this to happen because he wants to die.

But if you're in on the, like, if you're heard the number two there being like, what are we doing? What, excuse me, can we keep it on? Excuse back here. Can we keep it on? I would rather not die. Counterpoint, keeping it on. Maybe we keep it on for a while? Yeah, just keep it on.

I don't know. See what happens if we keep it up. Otherwise, he could get through it to us and kill us. That's the thing is it's not just death. He needs to be killed by Black Adam in order to be sent to the rock of who gives his shit. I mean, Sir, Ralter of eternity. Sir, really quickly, I don't know if you're looking at the numbers. We are getting creamed by this Black Adam guy. We're going to intergang is going to be inter guy by the end of the week. I'm just letting you know.

We are really low on intergang. A lot of them to the intergrave. Remember back when Joe said it's not like he's a. God or something? Well, it kind of seems like he is one. Just a guess here. I think he's a guy. And I appreciate this super gun you gave me. It's really cool. But I've seen my best friend fire it at his eyeballs and nothing has happened. So what? The man who was the best man at my wedding was turned into a black skeleton because he was electrocuted to death. Do you take this intergang to be your intergang lit wedded wife? You are now intergang. Do you think someone's out there

against inner gangal marriage You know what? There definitely is Eric and they're getting definitely some media coverage I think. You may kiss the intergang. It's time for

karaoke. I love it when you call me big intergang. Put your hands in the AI if you're a true intergang. Come on. Oh, geez, I hate intergang weddings.

This DJ, this intergang DJ sucks. Doing the electric slide. Inter, into, intergang. We've got a new match on Tinder. Oh, now he's intergang. Fucker.

He's two miles away for me. Looks pretty good, but he's definitely intergang. His profile pictures him wearing a red Intergang the Intergang hat. And you know what? These intergangs, guys, they never have time for you. You know, they're always doing other intergang stuff. They never keep it. You can't get a text from them.

Intergang has no time for intercourse Absolutely not But he tries to shoot Anon in the head And then this is when the Black Adam comes through He catches the bullet at a fit of rage He destroys He totally murders All those intergang dudes and Ismail

And vaguely hurts Anon And this is so I mean like you see this thing Go sky high Yes How is this kid just kind of like kill the kid it'll give Black Adam

a reason to rethink his way exactly he's just vaguely hurt and I mean the kid doesn't pay I mean he does like bullshit the end of the movie but like brushes his shoulder off he's out of the movie there has to be collateral damage sure of some kind that's how you grow but then like it's a thing too

sorry but like he sees this kid eat shit which you know me and the audience catharsis black Adam sees it he's reminded of his son getting murdered. Yeah. There's your... Well, I think all of that happens

without the kid eating shit, which doesn't... No, it's a kid's shitty shit. Yes, but like piles of it. This is when he... It's like a Massachusetts man removing his wife's teeth. It's toothless. Oh, that is just...

It's one of the... Ripped from the headlines. It's one of the worst, laziest crimes. Oh, my God. We were talking about it before we went on the air. But, um, So this is what he reveals to Hawkman only.

Because Hawkman earlier has the dumbest line I've ever heard. He goes, just say Shazam and we could all go home. Is that a fucking promise Hawkman? I'll scream in the theater right now. The credits cut. Chazam! If you say Shazam, the credits roll. It's just like that.

I cannot believe what happens next, right? He actually says it, and they put him into a demolition man prison? They do, which is so insane. He's in there for five minutes. don't worry. Okay, here's the thing first of all. This happens after like that massive explosion and the fight there and everything. And you're like

all right, well the dipshit kids hurt but he's saved. Pierce Rosna told me that the brother's going to survive the gunshot wound there. He's good. The mother's still alive. K. Intergang appears to be permanently eradicated. Got it. This must be the end of the movie.

Pause. 40 minutes left. Don't worry about it. 40 minutes left. You have to let out 20 minutes of explaining that a black Adam the guy who he used to be he's not that person he's another person

and this matters you got you know what this really fucking matters well because his son it was his son the whole time who did all the good stuff in the old days and the second like the king sent everybody to kill his family kills the mother and he almost kills

Teth Adam Dway Johnson and like to save his father he says he's like we have to say Shazam at the same time and I got to tell you Shazam to Shazam this kid This kid gets assassinated immediately

Oh yeah I think there is that rotten old wizard Shazam that did it I think that that's what happened I think he was just like Oh fuck I finally killed that kid You know what dude I didn't give that No takesies back sees on the Shazam powers

So which wizard did we talk about Jaman Hansu plays Shazam Oh, that's his name is Shazam? This is getting so confused. God damn, that's dumb. I've seen Shazam. He's going to say, because they all have names, like all the other Kings and the...

Zachary Levi's Shazam, though, right? He's Captain Marvel, you see. Why is the movie? It's called Shazam. Because you can't call him Captain Marvel, because you can't call him Captain Marvel, because the Marvel already came out with that movie. Oh, that would be way to...

But you're saying, no, if that movie didn't come out, whatever... If that character didn't exist. probably, yeah. They would have called it Captain Marvel. Because he's in Marvel's Marvel and the Shazam is D.C. Did D.C. have a Captain Marvel too? D.C. It does.

The guy you call Shazam, the guy in the red suit, is named Captain Marvel. Did they say that in the movie? I believe they do. I didn't even see it, but I believe they must. What do they call that? The aristocrats. Oh, excellent. Here's the thing, too, about this 40 minutes being left and fuck this

movie and fuck this stupid thing that they think is a cool look but it's not he gets put in this super prison right and so you're thinking like okay it's the end of the movie because it's like you know pierce broslin's like as long as you keep him underwater he will never utter a word again and he's getting into like a back to tank basically okay cool and then like he gets propped up in a thing and it's little pre super soldier serum steve rogers here in this in this tube this back to tank and then the camera does this wild like the scope of the wherever he's being kept and real fucking you know Indiana Jones shit

and look at all these other people that Amanda Waller has kept in this prison and I'm like here comes the blackout shot you know what I mean and then I want it purposely I think to fuck with me specifically holds on this shot of all these people that you can't make out a single

one of them to think like okay it is coming and then the movie keeps going you did not learn your lesson from Minority Report I haven't seen that movie in 15 years That's also, I mean, we're talking about Demolition Man, but this is like literally how Minority Report happened. Like, they get Tom Cruise, put him in a stand-up prison, put him down, and it acts like the movie's about to end. Oh.

And then secretly, oh, Max Von Scheido's a bad guy. And then all of a sudden, it's like, I got to rewatch that. I've been meaning to go, I've been really meaning to go back to that. Really great move. But internet ticker. Uh-oh. So that, you know, the wizard, do shazir. Yes. Jim and Huntsu is Shazam.

And Zachary Levi is also Shazam. Oh, interesting. They don't give them a different name. They don't say Captain Marvel interesting. I turned that movie off after five minutes. I wasn't into it. It's honestly, it's not good. I don't like it. It's a better movie than this. I'm sure it is. I, Super Joe, will give you my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my name, Super Joe. not even like a junior or no super joe and super joe you can be super joe junior they can call you joe super joe junior is my son you bastard uh we get amelia harcourt from peacemaker because 14 people

passed on a cameo dude i had to look at the tick i was this who is this who the fuck is this and i liked peacemaker quite a bit this is news to me i watch i watched peacemaker i watched this movie. She's one of the people sit in that office with Steve Agee. Yeah, she's like the romantic lead. She's James Gunn's wife. Yes. Right? Also, that's other... Yeah, but then she's like, peacemaker's lady

friend? Yeah, she's, yeah. Or like, did you see I did, but dude, this lady is so fucking not memorable. I didn't think this was a character. Well, she had his latest friend, but it's like, oh, well, they won't they kind of a thing. Right, but you're saying I watched her for like 10 episodes, 10 television. She dances in the beginning.

Yes. That I legitimately liked. Oh, right. Oh, she's literally one of the leads of the show. But this tells you, dude, the scope of this movie, man. But I mean, but also like... I missed it. I can't believe it. Why aren't we killing these people?

What is the purpose of having someone put in water that they can't move, think, or do anything? Just fucking, I'm against the death penalty as the next guy. But if you give me those two options, like, fucking kill him. Where are my tax dollars going? Excuse me. Somebody sounding awfully black Adamish. All right. You know what?

It's not, you know, you don't have to kill your enemies, Steve. They can be your friends too. Sometimes Magneto had some good ideas. You know what I mean? Because I, anti-death penalty, but it's got a cost. I don't even know how much the electricity bill on these fucking back-to-shed. Okay, here's the thing. That's why the military budget always goes up and Joe Biden never.

Yeah, we got to keep Black Adam in prison. Oh my God, if we get rid of all the back to tanks and American black sides, we're going to have all sorts of Black Adams running all over the confounded world. It's like the cabin in the woods with all the minds. Or like the Raiders of the Lost Dark room with all the shit. So you can see all the other prisons in the back. Yeah. I wonder what that one is.

I wonder what this one is. I wonder when this movie's happened. Yeah, but that's interesting, right? Because at the end of Raiders, no one was like, maybe one of those boxes has Indies next adventure in it. But this shot of that room with all the things. It's like, try to look in there, you fucking pigs, see who villains you think I have. Is that destructive?

Oh, is that the shaggy man? Oh, my God, is that Starro to destroy her? If this got a sequel, one person would break out, and that would be the movie. I mean, I'm sorry, the shaggy man. Yeah, he's kind of a cool. What's the shaggy man? He's kind of an invincible dude. He does fuck.

He gets shaggy. That's a thing, too, because fucking, you know it would be very, like, you know they wanted to have a shot where, like, they show all the villains, like, not naming them, you don't see the name, but you know the character bites, look. Or like, you get, like, you know what? it would be cool? It's like clay faces locked. Yeah. Is that the key? Ooh, any bullshit villain

but they don't even do that. But they just have all these people. Oh, you can't, oh, you can't let them all go. Oh, man. You turn down the back to tanks. Next thing, you know, you got calendar man roaming the countryside. We're ridiculous. I love Amanda Waller. She just, she makes such fantastic music.

Have you ever heard Young Lust? It's a fantastic song. What I, what I I wanted a woman of color to run all the black sides that's what i that's what i promised that's what i ran on that's what i promised oh wait what oh i take that back well you know what i mean you're not no no no sites where secret things are going on and there ain't a map to it you know what i didn't mean god damn okay it's it's time for me to talk to the american public we have to we have to deal with african-american adam

oh my god we have to do it uh mr president no no no no I'm doing freewheeling on this one. He's not actually American at all. But what? I mean, well, the actor Samoan. You're way off base. But the name. From Kandak, actually, sir.

But the name's a fake country. It doesn't really matter. But the name says, so this was a motion picture. Oh, okay. It wasn't a video briefing. Oh, son of a bitch. That really just describes his mood.

It's Donald Trump's fault. There is the movie literally goes to hell for a hot minute And I kind of wanted more of this Hell for a hot minute We're just like, hello, welcome Whatever you smell And I was waiting for the subtitles on HBO Max To tell me like

That this was Satan himself or whatever But it just Maybe it's the devil But maybe it's another demon thing I know it's like four demons that come together To make Cybok Is that the idea of Syracs? I'm sorry it was it Syracs?

Seibok, dude, Spock's brother. Seric. They formed together with Seric. Where is it? Because I found this out by doing Wikipedia stuff. Apparently, Sabak, which is very similar to... So the whole Shazam thing is like, he has the stamina of shoe, the speed of Heru, the strength of Amon, et cetera, et cetera. So, Subbac, exactly. I'm bored too. Subbac, if I can find it. Yes. He has the... Unlike Teth Adams, Sabak was...

bestowed with the powers of six the six most powerful demons of hell Satan, Aem, Belial Beelzebub, Esmodius, and Cretus. So all those dudes formed so he's like a fucking demon power ranger. Wow. You got Yelzebub in there, you got Satan.

That's pretty cool. He's like Russell Crow and virtuosity. He's got all the different murders from all the different all the dictators that ever have been are inside Russell Crow. It would be fucking awesome if they got Al Pacino back to Play the devil. Oh, welcome to hell.

My favorite plays. Oh, yeah. Looks like we're going to come together to make one big happy cyborg. We fried his big ass. And then we ate it all up. I had coffee with Black Adam half an hour ago. I just, oh, uh, uh, I'd love it. There is some,

yes, the powers of Jeffrey Epstein, the power, the courage of Harvey Weinstein. Oh, man, he's a bad guy. Real, real bad dude here, man. But whatever. So he turns into literally a god of war character with these horns. Yeah, totally. This is straight from a video game. I would have no interest.

And it looks bad. It looks terrible. If you were bored of watching the Justice Society get their ass kicked, sorry, pals, guests ready for the third act. here it comes all again. And that's the thing. It's like, if you're doing the Hawkman and all this shit, like, A, call it the Justice Society movie and then no one will go to it. But, or B, like, have villains that they can encounter and defeat. And I'm like, oh, wow, Hawkman sure showed that guy a lesson. Oh, but he is being beaten by Black Adam. So at least I can see, like, they're at least competent slightly. That's the rock contract again, I think. I think everybody has to look like they're fucking weak. as compared to big black Adam

yeah I mean I don't know what else it would be whoa black Adam bam balam black Adam

black gal had a child bang a damn thing got hit with arrows that would be better of a music drop yeah

so what happens black Adam never smiles bam bam's gone why they get their clock cleaned doctor fate does astral

projection uh huh release his Black O'noh. Oh, I mean, sorry. Apologies. I was reading I was crib. I was reading what this movie was stealing from. Apologies. So it's our villain Black Sabbath.

Okay, no. Sabak. But yes, he does, he relieves and this is when, even though he's two hours long, the fact that it takes him so long to break out of this prison, I'm like, can Black Adam just get to the fucking thing? You have the JSA

fight with this devil monster and it goes a really long time while Black Adam is in this jail and I was like oh shit man not only did one I thought the movie was over with and two learn there were 40 minutes left now three the titular character is missing this massive fight with the guy that he's supposed to kill also when he gets put in jail we get this fucking narration from I think Dr. Fate that's just like and he'll never speak again henceforth he shall never be able to say unless he wants to later in the movie. Oh, so you think. The funniest part of like Pierce

literally just turning around and freeing him with his mental powers from this jail thousands of miles away and under the water and whatever is that he can use his little like pieces of fucking sugar candy or whatever this encasing is that he makes to break the back to tank part but refuse to break the fucking

thing out of his mouth. Take the five seconds ripped his shit off his mouth and you got and the movie is moving along. And it's like we get hand to hand combat and he's demuscled and weird looking. Yes. And it looks bad. And it's in this dark and devoid. Like show me more of this prison if we're

there. And he drowns and then he sees his family again and like and he's like, is the movie over? And they're like, no. Oh, I just had the terrible dream. I woke up. I thought it was in the Black Adam movie. Good to be back in good old 2,600 BC. I feel like I'm some kind of gladiator or something.

I mean, it's literally he's like almost putting his hands through the wheat. I almost fucking screamed. No, father, you must go back and save. It's not your time, daddy. It's a twist, you see. I'm the little boy that the statues are. By the way, the one like kind of what might have been a surprise at the end of this movie, like Aldous Hodge is getting fucking impaled or whatever.

We've been seeing trailers for the end of the. the movie. Oh, yeah. Through Dr. Fates touching of the helmet. Yes. And I'm like, this thing is predictable fucking enough. Why are you throwing this shit at me when I could maybe be slightly surprised by it? Good lesson. You touch your helmet

too much. The climax comes early. Exactly. Thank you, Eric. Woo! All right. I'm out. Ended on a high note. He just left. I guess we keep talking. I guess we'll all right. Could you get me a water while you're out there?

Get me a new Black Adam movie That's better than this one For the bit I kind of want to just be quiet But yeah This is when Dr. Fate puts a force field Around everything

And it's like Well I want to save Hawkman For some reason It's just this weird thing Where like he tells Hawkman Like yes I had a vision And the only way We defeat him is if you die

And then like he just flips it And he's like Actually I changed my mind I'm going to do it And he has, again, it would be better and more interesting if we knew fuck all about this guy. Exactly. But Pierce actually, because it's fucking Pierce Brosnan, nails this line where he's like, for the first time in a hundred years when I look ahead, I see nothing.

And it's beautiful. And like, you get the sense that Dr. Fade is a dude who's like tired with living and, you know, whatever the job has been, you know, with the JSA. Yes, today, my great, great grandson showed me TikTok. And today, I said, end it, devil man. And the helmet kept telling me I was going to be due for Parkinson's next year. Yes, Huckman, it was supposed to be you in the vision. But then I rewatched Infinity War.

And it turns out the man in the metal suit can't die. It has to be the strange magic man. Whatever. He fights, which is also funny because Dr. Fade is probably the strong, the other, The only one that does anything to this demon do aside for fucking... Yep. He seems like he's holding his own for a while while Black Adam is taking his fucking time. Meanwhile, the Adam Smasher Cyclone stuff is terrible.

There's like three... They have three and a half lines of dialogue. Can they just kiss at the end of it? Because they're like... They're at least like flirting the entire movie. I'm like, can anyone have any... Not even sensuality, but like an old-fashioned boy and young boy and a young girl having their first fucking kiss.

Could we even have that in a movie? No. Here's the thing. I mean, I crave that just as much as you do. This is neither the time nor the place for it. I know, but these fucking nonsense garbage characters were like, yeah, they are kind of flirting throughout it and there's definitely one point

where Dr. Fade's like, no, no, no fucking on the plane. Let's focus on the goal here. Steve and I've never been more disappointed in you. Why can't these two young people just be friends? Why can't they just like not even hold hands. Why don't they just look at each

other and smile? If they kiss, would there be a problem when some people be like, I don't know about that? I don't know. I mean, it would be the age old thing of, well, actually, all this has kind of made this irrelevant. The old thing, like, why are they like

a romance at the end? Like, I'm now like, get the stupid romance in there. It's the fucking thing in there. I've flipped the other way around because again, like this movie is totally devoid of, not just romance not even eroticism, forget it, but like, just like human emotion, which is like, I was attracted to this person. Yes, exactly. But that's what's interesting, though, is you're, listen to what you're saying here.

You are asking for that out of like the fucking F team, dude, the bench. And because it's, all right, I would love Pierce Bros. and Aldous Hodge to make out. I'll be honest with it. Well, friend, it's just one more time. Well, yes. You remind me of the third time I saw the RAF fly overhead if you know what I. that would be

I gave my first blow job I salute you sir that would be an extra star on the rating oh yeah because that's how these movies could change it up from Marvel's like toothless

yes oh I'm I'm gay never mind just go fuck give me a fucking sloppy wet kiss with those two guys I will miss it you so much just like a real hot one but dude

kissing ladies kissing dudes whatever, you're fucking forgetting. This movie stars Dwayne Johnson. It is against the law for that guy that had any sexuality in a movie whatsoever. It's that Emily Blunt movie where it's supposed to be like, you know, the Disney rideification

of a movie like the African Queen, and that's supposed to be what their chemistry is and blah, blah, blah. And you know what? When you watch the African Queen, there's all this sexual tension between Hepburn and Bogie and they're fighting and blah, blah, blah. At the end, they fucking fall in love.

And at no point in that movie, are you ever thinking for a hot second is Dwayne Johnson going to kiss that woman? And sure as shit, it's not going to happen here either. Like with him and Adi or whatever? Like, no freaking way. In skyscraper, what? It's Nev Campbell's as well?

No, Campbell. Their relationships like a... They're like work at the next cubicles from each other. Yeah, they're co-workers. He's married to Carla Gugino in the other one. What's that one? Yeah, yeah. Fuck.

I forget him the name. I think that's the one where Paul Giammati's a scientist. Oh, San Andreas. Yes. Oh, yes. My God. This guy's. made a lot of bad movies. I hold my wife's

hand. That's what I do. Yes, that's what mommies and daddies do only. Of course I know what sex is. Can you explain it? Well, I know a top hat is involved. Well, it's even like Luke Hobbs, dude, in those movies, that guy even has

a daughter, so he presumably fucked once, unless, you know, somebody stole some seed from him or something. But just, it's like, it's just, he's just constantly not a sexual presence at all. and you think about like, I don't know, like Lois Lane wanting to kiss Superman.

Oh my God. Did you fucking believe it? Oh my God. And then we were talking about Arnold's. They say panties in that movie. He says what color underwear she wears in a 1978 movie for children. And that's fucking awesome.

I will take the 9-11 kiss. I will take it. That was fine with me. If it means there's a kiss there, I'm fine with it. We were talking about early about Arnold's career in relation to the rock. I mean, he's kissing people. He lands a lady in kindergarten cop.

Yeah, I mean, true romance, L.O.L. Arnold Truman. Yes, I'm obsessed with Elvis. Yeah, QT sent me the script right away, and I read it overnight. Here I am with Patricia Arkett in the middle of a kung fu movie. Pretty cool. I read the script and I said, you know, give this to my good friend, Gary Oldman. Oh, no. Here I am with the dreadlocks.

And his name is the same as this titles, right? Yeah. Whatever. So this kid, so Black Adam finally gets there and they both double, what do you call it?

The Dr. Fake gets killed. Pierce Brasas was like, and put it in my contract that I'm fucking dead. You better have me completely dissolve in front of the audience's eyes. I'd like to be Gaddafi at the end of this one.

No takesies backseys. shove a pole. up my ass and leave me in the town square. Thank you. Oh, man. If only like real life was like superhero movie, so Gaddafi could just come back and start walking around. He's polishing off the medals on that coat. A zombie-fied Gaddafi. Yeah, taking the knife out of his ass. Oh, speaking of zombies, the skeleton league is in this movie. Oh, my God, because the devil guy vaguely summons the devils. Meanwhile, this kid, Amon is like 13, 14 years old. I looked up

the kid at least on IMDB, the actor himself was 14 making this movie. He's walking around to this cape like he's seven years old. And it's embarrassing. I think it was probably supposed to be younger. Yes. But like I mean the kid sucks, but like you can't make a little kid do the stuff that

they're like it's, they're asking this character to do two kinds of things like be the precocious little kid. But then he's got to be like this aspiring revolutionary. He's riding around on a skateboard like Bart Simpson. Oh, what are these people getting stirred up about. He

makes the triangle. Oh, I know what that is, of course, immediately. Yeah, they're a huge fans of WCW's Diamond Dallas page. It happens in the beginning, too. Like the beginning storyline, he just makes the thing and are like, oh yeah, we're pissed now. It's like a revolutionary symbol,

but we never know that. And also, what do you need to be stirred up about literal demons arising from the grave? Stop them! Skeletons that are on fire are coming out of the ground, and this kid and the mother's reaction is just like whatever. Because I mean, I guess the other people are like

Ah, it's just another day in Kandak. Like, no, they would be like, holy shit. Let's get some rocks and throw it out these skeletons. That's the thing, dude. The fact that these citizens need to hear it from the crowd, in which case the crowd is this child given the DDP sign. Like, I kind of think

you already gave up on conduct to be totally honest with you gentle citizens. Like, you see these little skeletons who also are proving to be not that adversarial. You can really knock them down with a quick, you know, hit with a bat or whatever. But it turns out Conduct isn't you. Well, oh my God.

It bit me. It hurt. Hey, nobody messes with Black Adam around here, all right? We're from fucking Conduct. We throw in garbage out of it. It's just the Spider-Man thing. Yeah, you mess with one of us. You mesh with all of us.

Well, actually, we weren't going to fight all these skeletons of the ship. But apparently the Justice Society just destroyed all of our diities and all of our mosques. Every temple of worship. It was weird how they kept intentionally body slamming people into our temples of worship. You can't say mosque in this movie. That's the thing. It's like, well, yeah, what are they Muslim? Are they not?

Are they. Is it? Yeah. Are they, they're black atomists. Exactly. They don't believe in anything. They just worship black Adam, which I guess I would too if that dude could shoot lightning.

But hey, man, that's for all them fucking uncles out there that I watch the movie. You're telling me that there's Muslim heroes in this film. That would be fucking fantastic. It wouldn't it? It would be great. Like even if, even if like, you know, Black Adam isn't Muslim, but apparently, like, Amon and his mother are. But that's what the movie is, like, desperately trying to eke in with some of these characters

and having them say, not say, but say, Black Adam is a hero for us. Exactly. You know what I mean? But, like, they're too cowardly to actually go all the way with that line of thought. Which I also think is at least a little bit couched in. Like, we also cast a Samoan guy. You know what I mean? It's also weird.

It is. You get away with it because it's a fake nation anyway. No one's conductees or whatever the hell you would call these people. But at the same time, most people are skewing Middle Eastern in terms of like who actually is from conduct. And you get this big Samoan dude. This is the Scorpion King Clause. Oh man, Black Adam becomes like half scorpion at the end of this. that would make me very happy he does tear this dude half like a piece of paper it's it's pretty okay it's kind of great it reminded me of the you know the opening minutes of black adam's appearance when he's killing all the dudes when he first comes out of the prison temple or whatever i mean yeah pretty sweet like literally tearing him in a half while screaming pretty cool but like i wish i gave a shit about this villain at all no he doesn't we don't do that anymore we don't have a villain that talks because it's also like what what

happens when he gets on this throne. Oh, well, you know, Kandak's fuck. Well, already was. It already was. And he, oh, guess what? Oh, don't let him sit up on the throne. Oh, no, he did. Guess what? We still have enough power to defeat him because we just decided to do that anyway. The whole fucking, all these movies, like, eventually, it's like, the real villain is yourself, actually, and not believing in yourself. And I'm like, can I hate a villain in this fucking, just one, I swear. We're going to get a mustache to twirl. No, you're going to fight other heroes to a establish them, and then we're just going to be friends. So Hawkman, to defeat the devil man,

Hawkman takes a Dr. Fate's helmet and makes a multiplicity, multiple hawk mans are holding him down. And to let you, I don't even know what the purpose of this was. Sure. To let you know that Dr. Fay, I guess the helmet is badass. It suddenly has eyes. Yeah. It's like, oh, actually.

I was like, is he alive? is that what is that the eyes are that's how it's drawn in the comic but it's like it's kind of i think it's harder to do it like usually it has like basically like batman eyes you know white little but he doesn't have that when he's just no it's not because that would look that would look cool it's like do it or don't thank you well that's i mean it looks like those jeeps that have angry face oh yeah this has been driving me insane somebody's got to tell me how what is this why do all is it just guys that are like i want my my vehicle to be pissed off well you know what The angry face thing is, dude, I think it actually, we're talking about Skinnamarink on on screen live.

I think it's a thing where everybody is chasing that Fisher Price toy phone face. Because the jeeps always kind of remind me of that, too. Sure. I can see that. Yeah. And if you've seen Skinnamarink a much better movie, go to YouTube.com slash we hate movies. So he drips him in half. And he's dead.

He's dead. And then the Justice Society is like, well, you know, we lost Dr. faith, that's no big deal. Hey kids, let's all get on the plane and never talk to each other ever again. I thought two things here that were hilarious to me. One is they definitely give Eldis Hodge like a really bad

lazy sequel set up line. It's sort of that. I missed it. It's sort of like a, it's a little bit of a next time baby because he's like, oh yeah Black Adam, well, we're going to keep an eye on you to make sure you're not using those powers

of yours. And like Amanda Waller later tells him like he can't leave conduct or whatever but it's just like he smirks just like we'll see you in other Black Adam Adventures but then the other thing is when they are making these

two kids get on the fucking planes Cyclone and the Adams Fasher it reminded me of when the Simpsons when they have the yo-yo team come to the school and they're just like wow their lives must be so amazing and the guys like get in the van we get three other schools

to do today absolutely get that fucking plane. I mean, like... This is Cyclone. They could do the Whirley Bird. I mean, couldn't there be... I mean, not that I... I wouldn't have minded, like, a Henry Winkler's... Not a stinger, but like a last scene. Like, you get back to the mansion and he's like, ah, how'd it go? Blah, blah, blah, blah. Sure. Because they really try to make this Adam Smash or something, something. And they don't. And also, by the way, Cyclone was supposed to be

either Hawk Girl or Star Girl. And both of them either had rights issues or they were going to be used in other projects. I don't know. Cyclone who's like a Z-level character. And they treat her as such. There's a Stargirl show, I think. Yes. Yeah. It was a CW. Of course. Of course. Because it's a CW. They got a lot of them. But long story short, they go in. And the point of Black Adam or

one of the things that I know about the character is that he, again, is a bit power mad. And that's kind of an interesting thing to have. The fact that he sits in this throne, because there's a really, just Google Black Adam throne. You'll see a really cool comic cover of this comic book illustration that has more personality than Dwayne Johnson has ever had of Black Adam in this throne and his dick is

not really but like his legs are spread he's really living in this throne like man he's God spreading exactly oh shit that's a badass motherfucker and like Dwayne Johnson kind of tries to do it and he's like nope that would be wrong then I would have any kind of anything interesting going on in a sequel so I will now destroy the throne

I do not have an inner life I will not have an inner life There's another part right here That is also a bunch of donkey shit That goes against the character too I think Steve I mean they make it into the character That they have been desperately trying

To mold this whole movie But Adam Smasher is like Getting a little emotional at the end Like saying goodbye to him And he's like You know I thought for what it's worth You know we made a pretty good team And this is where he totally stops

Being Black Adam And he's just straight up Dwayne Johnson And he just goes, no, we made a great team. I was like, what? Are you kidding me? No, you didn't. What happened to the man in black? What happened to paint it black?

Your fate is dead. Yeah, it wasn't a great team at all. One person was stricken from the record. Look how much more personality this has. Oh, yeah. Oh, thank you. Oh, yeah, I've seen that. There's a bunch of bodies there.

That would be nice to see. That would be nice. That's swinging dick energy that this comic has. The charisma is not. not there for the rock. He's too much of that guy who's a Tony Robbins type of figure. Yeah. That's that's really good. Yes, you're totally

right. And I think if, if DJ's career went another way, he'd be fucking scamming people in Florida. 30 years. Crossing over with Dwayne Johnson. If the last shot of this movie was him getting in the throne doing something, I mean, because he kind of tries to do it again. He

doesn't do it so well. It's just like, maybe, you know, like, it's just him on the throne. This is the last It's like, the last shot of the movie. Exactly. Him on the throne, Black. It's like, oh shit, now he owns Kandahar. What's, Kandak, what's going to happen next?

Yep. That's something. And it's instead, it's like, he says, you know, or she calls him Teth Adam and he's like, I don't know about Teth Adam. Oh, God. The one sounds a little, a little old fashioned. Well, what should we call you? And he literally smirks at the camera.

Boom, Black Adam. Like, no, no. It was the throne shot, motherfucker. I can know that that movie's called Black Adam. And that's exactly how that awful, awful Josh Trank Fantastic Four movie ends, too. It's like, well, what should we call ourselves? Oh, yes. And we love to end bad movies this way.

Still haven't, still have. One day, one day soon. That is great throne ending, Conan the Barbarian. Yeah. That is also, that's right. That is also theoretically how Skinnamarink ends. That's true. What should we call you?

Scamara. And then the stupid stinger happens. as part of the movie. Yeah, it's fine. I mean, it's the last you'll ever see a fucking Henry Cavill. He just shows up. We have to have a talk. Well, first, it's Amanda Waller on a big TV going, Blank Annam. You have my intention. Do I? It doesn't sound like it. Roger, could you bring the cards up? I need a line of sight here. I got a lot of these to do today. Mr. Freeze, you have my attention. Killer crock.

Ms. Davis, your sandwich. Oh, thank you. They left that in Black Adam? Her getting a sandwich and talking to Mr. Freeze. Black Adam, Whole Foods has discounts on all kinds of foods. Oh, sorry, this is the wrong. I was doing an ad for a radio later. Hey, Nana, Merry Christmas.

Oh, no, shit. Sorry. Fuck. Black Adam, you have my attention. But, you know, she's like, you can't leave contact. you know, and if we do, you know, if you do, my people are coming after you and he's like, no one on my

on this planet can stop me. And she goes, then I will get someone not from my planet. And, you know, like me watching this movie, he throws a fucking rock through the TV. Yeah, but also these rules are good. He shouldn't leave. Can-Dak. Spider-Man shouldn't leave New York

City. Yes. Yeah. Superman shouldn't leave Metropolis. Batman shouldn't leave Gobel. Well, you know why? Because then there would be a a whole world that they could in habit that you could actually build out with supplemental characters. Instead, let's all get together and

cause a nuclear crisis or something in a fake Eastern European country. Sure. Or we show up, we crash land in China for some reason. It's just contained these movies. And so after the Amanda Waller TV explodes,

this is when the John Williams music hits and he floats down and he just says, it's been a while since anyone's made the world this nervous. Black Adam we should talk. And then, yeah, that's literally the last time Henry Cavill will be

Superman. I mean... I can't believe I didn't put it in with a black shoot. I'm going to fucking kill myself. I can't believe it. Oh, yeah. You didn't. Just give Zach $1 billion more. It would just be like some fucking loser outside of an AMC

just self-immolating like that monk. this is because you didn't give Zach a bill you. You know what? If they'd end up doing that, talk all you want. Also, talk all you like. If you're on the edge, if you're going to do like a Buddhist protest of some kind over this, just know it's okay to like a movie. It is fine.

Take it to just relax. We're having fun here. It's okay to self-immolate, okay? We don't want to take anybody off the leaderboard on that one. Actually, that is true, Chris. But I'm just letting the kids know they don't, they don't have to. And honestly, I had no problem with Dr. Kavorky and either. I think there should be a service for dying with dignity.

I think he should be part of the Justice Society. Speaking of dying with dignity, let's kill this episode. It's Dr. Kovorkian. It's fucking Ted Kaczynski. All right. Fucking end this show. No, we are ending it. So my God.

I'm sorry. Dr. Fate would be a great name for Dr. Kovorkian. I'm sorry. You know what? I'm glad you interrupted for that. That's a great thought. Give him the helmet. Ted Kaczynski as the tinkerer.

I would also work. Or the mailman. BTK as the vulture. Oh, I guess the mailman would be Birkowitz. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There you go. Special delivery. No, he'd be Beastmaster. Animal Man. He'd be Animal Man. He'd be Animal Man. Beast Master is a other franchise.

I was going to say the Beast. Great. the master of him. Yeah, that's true. That's right. That dog was walking him. And who's that big fat dude from Mine Hunter? He'd be Swamp Thing. Of course, yeah.

Ed Kemper. Ed Kemper. Ed Kemper. There should be Swamping. There you go. Anyway, so, yeah, that is Jamalcoy at Sarah's fucking Black Adam. Final thoughts and recommendations, Eric? Okay. I really, this is one of the worst we've ever done, maybe.

The thing is like, yeah, I've disparaged people. on this episode. The Rock has his moments. He just hasn't found anything that really clicks lately. All these other actors have been good. You know, like Cyclone, for instance. They're very good in Master Gardner.

So I'm not trying to blame it. I'm sure Adam Smashers good somewhere. I haven't seen it. But I don't know. It's just when you get into the weeds with these superhero movies, you really get in the weeds. I can't recommend this. I can't say anything else. I want to, I don't like it.

Oh, we'll get you a beer and get you to bed. I want to go home. Beer, beer, beer, bed, bed, bed. Chris Gavin. Oh, no, never watch it. Jesus Christ, stay far away. And, like, theoretically, this would be the movie to bring back a dark rock, right? Like, we had, we get, every once in a while, we get a nice sniff of it.

It's Southland Tales, Doom, and something like pain and game. these are the things where all movies definitely at least like 12 years old yes exactly and like with the exception of doom it's because he did give himself over to a director yeah it's like do what you will with me i'm not the main guy here i mean in south end tales he is but like right i i am i am going after your direction it's just not the fucking rock show right uh and like they just don't do it like he can't make it happen because he cannot allow for himself to look like the villain anymore it's just not possible and like so like

you just get fucking kid gloves on everything it's just funny because like it's not going to hurt your brand people are still going to love you no of course not Tom Cruise can play a villain and still like fucking collateral fucking everybody's like it's one of the best movies by Michael Mann one of the best American directors like

I don't understand what the negative is other than if you are an insane person who believes in brand management too much yes it's that and he's afraid to act right now I hope he finds his way. Me too. But yeah, fuck this movie. If this is the death knell of the DCEU, I welcome it,

even though, I mean, like, you know, like we said, the suicide squad, birds of prey. Batman, well, he's not part of it. Wonder Woman won. The first Wonder Woman is a great movie. Yeah, like, there's just not much here that it actually worked, at Aquaman, of course. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah. And there's four more, at least this year. I mean, they, are they going to wheel Ezra Miller out on a hand cart and a straight jet?

for this fucking flash premiere. It's Hannibal fucking Lecter. Is that what we're going to do? Dude, absolutely, man. They were releasing this movie, hell or high water, I suppose. They're going to drag Ezra down the red carpet on the cart. You know, they'll probably be all decked out and whatnot. And, you know, they'll get an approach by the media and whatnot.

It's just like, oh, Ezra, Ezra, the movie finally came out. What do you think about it? Love your shoe. They bite someone's nose off. I said it are just one more thing. Where's my mark? If Ridley Scott could replace Kevin Spacey with Christopher Plummer, you can find

someone better than Ezra. Better than Ezra. This movie is coming out in June or something. So they say. So they tell me. So is a Blue Beetle movie nobody wants. I mean, what is that? I just just hit. I'm totally fine hitting the reset button except give me the Aquaman movie. Also just dump that

Batgirl movie on fucking streaming and just it's there, it's done, just dump it, forget about it. It's kind of surprising. I was thinking about this the other day, it's kind of surprising that even with the Fraser songs that we find ourselves in and everybody's talking about Brendan Fraser in the whale and everything, that they didn't

turn tail and be like, oh fuck, because he's like the villain in the movie. Just dump it. I'm just as a curio, I'm curious. But I think it's totally fine to turn a new page in this entire endeavor and the best way to do it would be you got Batman over here in that great the Batman

movie and then just I don't know make another Superman movie where it's just Superman doing Superman stuff and then make a Green Lantern movie where it's just Green Lantern doing Green Lantern stuff that it's Wonder Woman again I'm fine with Gogh ago coming back by the way I don't give a shit. I think that second movie is not

she's not great in it but like she's great enough of the first one there's needed to be a better idea etc etc just separate Just make separate movies, separate tent pulls. And if you want to, in five years, figure out that there's a Justice League, figure that out then. Just make real movies that actually have stakes, that actually have supporting characters that exist in that world only. That would be fucking fantastic.

Exactly. The only thing that I'll put to all those, because of course, don't bother with this if you haven't seen it. And they're not making any more of them. So you're not going to need to play catch up on anything. Yeah, I guess. Here's what I would like to see. And I think it would be kind of interesting. And maybe this is an HBO Max peacemaker type thing.

I don't expect this to be theatrically released. But I think an interesting idea because one of the better Marvel movies is that first Captain America movie, give me a World War I, like, JSA movie and introduce these characters. Because, like, Dr. Fait is interesting. At least he seems to me interesting.

Yeah. But I don't really know anything about him. Yeah. This movie didn't do anything about that. They dropped hints that he and Hawkman had this whole life and the original Henry Winkler Adam Smasher. We're all like co-workers and whatnot. Show me some of that.

But this is just, it's four movies in one. It's bad. I feel bad for Dwayne Johnson, but the dude goes to bed on a massive pile of money every night. So it's totally fine. Where he sleeps for one hour before waking up at, you know, 2 a.m. to I just ate a bunch of cod.

I'm going to bed now after eating seven pounds of cod. But that is going to do it for this discussion of Black Adam. Thus concludes, if I'm looking at the calendar correctly, all of the worst of the previous year, month episodes. And boy, like we said, we did have a stacked year of options. Yes, good and bad. And on the good side on Patreon, patreon.com slash we ate movies.

We have a very fun discussion on Top Gun Maverick. Speaking of Tom Cruise, we did a little bit here. You want to cruise deep dive? if you want to cruise on over to Patreon for that episode. Why don't you hate him? Oh, well, we hate, yeah, we hate him too. On animation damnation, we've got bot bots,

Transformers bot bots. Speaking of things that make you wish for death itself, that was a lot of fun. Who we got in the Gleep Glossary? On the Gleap Glossary, you guys are going to love this. We're talking about the entire season one of Andor. It was a very good discussion. We've, you know,

obviously, it might even be out already. And including in that, we have Mon Mothma, her crazy old EU history. You're not going to, you're not going to see what's coming with that. I promise. And on Melro 210, of course, we're celebrating the first annual filler month. Two filler episodes, but not the jokes. The jokes are not filler.

They will do. They'll fill you with laughs. There you go. That one. And then there's the Star Trek podcast. We also do the Nexus, if you're not familiar, TOS and TNG. We are doing so much stuff. And of course, the YouTube page is thriving right now.

We've got this on-screen live. We've been doing talking box office numbers, little mini reviews, and trailer reactions. So make sure you subscribe over at YouTube.com slash we have movies. Now here on the main feed, where you are listening to this very program right now. The show rolls on next Tuesday, an all new episode back to older shit than last year. Steve Sadek, where are we going? I mean, we are cash in a check. We wrote a long time ago.

finally we'll be talking about RIPD. RIPD, ladies and gentlemen. So back to older movies, still comic book adaptations. Rest in peace department. I am so excited to revisit this. I've never seen it. Oh, what?

Oh, man. I kind of wish we were doing a first look commentary instead. You're going to take a first step into a larger world, my friend. You know, can I put it out there? I'm going to go ahead and guess that R.I. IPD is better than Black Adam. I have to be.

And I really despised that movie all the other time I said. Yeah, we'll just have to see on that. Yeah, well, yeah. So until next week, when we wait and see, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Seda. Eric Siska.

Black Cabin. Take it easy. That was a hit-gum podcast.