We Hate Movies - S13 Ep659: Sleepless in Seattle

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

On this episode, the guys are celebrating Valentine’s Day by chatting about the beloved 90’s rom-com, Sleepless in Seattle! Would this movie have benefitted from some kind of body count? Is Meg Ryan’s character tanking this newspaper’s expense account policy with this stalking scheme? And’s does that little boy sound like Tom Waits? PLUS: A survey of Revolutionary War-era sex toys! Sleepless in Seattle stars Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, Ross Malinger, Bill Pullman, Rita Wilson, Victor Garber, David Hyde Pierce, Frances Conroy, and Rosie O’Donnell as Becky; directed by Nora Ephron. Check out the WHM Merch Store featuring new Grab-Ass & Cancer, SW Crispy Critters, MINGO! & WHAT IF Donna? designs! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/whm and get on your way to being your best self. Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on a very special Valentine's Day episode of We Hate Movies. Well, who among us has not humiliated our parents on a nationwide scale? It's Sleepless in Seattle. I'm Andrew Jupin. Burping in the Bronx, Steve Sadek. Eric Sleepska. Shitty in Cincinnati. And we hate movies.

Hello, everyone, welcome to We Have Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. This Valentine's Day, we're talking sleepless in Seattle from 1993. Oh, yeah. Directed by Nora Ephron, rest in peace. Oh, yeah. Rest in peace.

A great writer, I would say. Nominated for Best Original Screenplay. I am a little, you know, it made the money so it makes sense. But when you watch this again, you're a little bit like, there's some stuff. Yeah, there's just there's some like some stuff. There's some stuff. Well, yeah, I mean, this is a movie about a deranged stalker that is sure.

That does uproots her entire life to try to like intervene on this poor man. Oh, this widower. Was this based on that woman that was stalking David Letterman for a while? I think so, yes. And the number one VHS tape I don't have in my house. Sleepless in Seattle. Look, the world needed, you know, a female version of peeping Tom. It had to happen eventually.

Somebody had to do it. Good movie, better movie. But the thing about it is, though, like this movie, like people can tell me, we could have had some murders here. Oh, that'd be nice. Definitely. This definitely could have used a little bit of a body count. Like, you know, just all of a sudden,

Victor Garber is like slaughtered one night. Dude, I mean, that's the thing is if there, when she goes to his house, which we'll get to, when she stalks around his house, literally stalks. If there was a nosy neighbor, she'd have to like, oh, like, fucking, like, that leather face. smash this guy.

Absolutely. Absolutely. That might be a good way to do it because you have no, you've got well, you got to get an alibi. I guess you don't have that. And the plane tickets are probably evidence. But back then I felt like you could probably cover shit up easier. Just get on an airplane fly somewhere, kill some random. Totally. And then leave.

Well, she's kind of. No whoever suspect. She kind of does part of that. Because she's like, she tells Bill Pullman like, oh yeah, I have to go to this big conference that's definitely not in Seattle. Yeah, I mean, we'll get to her trip and all the

weirdness of it because, like, she's, and this is something that should happen at the end of the movie or at least at the middle of it or whatever. Like, she keeps talking about writing a story because all of this is like being funded by her job. Oh yeah. Rosie O'Donnell's hiding those checks. Yeah, exactly.

Built for fucking hundreds of maybe thousands. Well, here's the thing. I think if this all like comes out, you know, the fucking taxman comes calling for the newspaper or whatever the magazine or whatever this is. Like Rosie's going down too because she's instigating this. Yeah, she is. Oh yeah. Don't you want to fly

out there and do the interview in person? But then no one interview, nothing, nothing happens. Well, apparently look, whatever is going on with her and Rick, it seems like a real bad situation over there. Also, you need to cast somebody

who is that guy. This bullshit like sitcom, it's a character we're talking about that's never around. A plus casting in that department? Kevin Dunn. Done for it. Getting it done with Kevin Dunn. Oh, is that not the title of his podcast?

It should be. A train conductor, Kevin Dunn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, totally. He's just like a blue collar fella, you know, married to Rosie. Gets a few many two drinks one night, suddenly gets a little, you know.

Well, I guess. Well, it gets a few drinks in him and maybe sees something he shouldn't. What exactly? He's got to take them out. I was going to say, what exactly is the, you know, there's a lot of things. You're describing a blue collar fella, and they're supposedly terrible relationship together. I like the idea, like, Nora Afron's, like, pitching this movie, even though it wasn't her, it was somebody else's original script.

But, like, she's pitching this movie and, like, we're the studio, like, all right, so you're going to want Kevin Dunn in there, and then it's going to turn into a murder mystery, of course. And they're like, wait, what? What happened to my movie? But that's not what happens in an affair to remember. So, I mean, this movie is a sweet movie. it's okay to like a movie. Of course it is. It's, you know, this is kind of like a classic in the rom-com genre.

It's a titan. It's a titan. It's a titan of the genre. It is. It was a huge hit. And I think it's one of the, I mean, the greatest romantic comedies of the 90s were mostly about insane people. Oh, sure. Usually the ones, I mean, we've already done, you've got mail also about people who are just out of their minds. But isn't it crazy that like, my best friend's wedding and other

also. Oh, the truth about cats and dogs. That's a fucking so you grow up watching this saying I need to be even crazier in order to find someone and then the internet comes along and suddenly they make it all illegal and now I can't stalk and do all that stuff

and you were so good at it too Eric you had such promise and we open on a graveyard dude this is I burst out fucking laughing I never saw this movie before really yes never I think you had the same reaction last week but yes I never saw this one before. I'm genuinely shocked by that.

I just didn't. It just never was on. I don't know why. There's absolutely no reason for Eric to care about this movie. It was every way. I think that's why I avoided it. I have seen clips of it everywhere. I've heard lines. I've seen scenes. I have never seen it beginning to end. So

when it opens and it's just like, Mommy got sick. And then it's a fucking graveyard. And then we pan up, pan up from the grave to be like, Chicago, baby. the best Chicago baby shot in the movie which there is too that one because the Sears Tower arises as if it's like from the ashes but there is like when he decides to leave Chicago's like everywhere I look it makes me think of her and it's them at Wrigley Field high fiving dude I mean like come on why don't you just have them dressed up as the Blues Brothers the most obvious place Maggie, Maggie, like the cubbies. I have a question about that shot, though, because one, it's like Tom Hanks doing a little bit of narration, not narration.

It's bad voiceover. Mommy got sick, he says. It's so funny. His mouth isn't moving. Like, they're just standing at this grave and it's a weird, you think it's a two shot, but then we're like backing out and it's a huge crowd of people. I was like, oh my God, no one came to this woman's funeral. But since we get this shot where like the camera comes up, and like we said, like the, the Hancock Tower, this Chicago skyline

comes up. But I'm looking at it and I was like, what angle is this from? Was this a mocked up shot? Because where it, the angle looks, I was like, is this the middle of the lake? It's a floating island full of graves. Right? I was like, where is the cemetery? No, it's actually in

Alec Baldwin and Gina Davis's house at Beetlejuice. Oh, sure. They were married in Roosevelt Island. Mommy got hit by a sandworm. So this lady wearing a Cubs hat riding the thing. like fucking Dune. All right.

Beetle juice. Beetle juice. Beatle juice. Oh yes. Oh, totally. I mean, the fucking funniest thing about, or first of all, this little conversation he's having with his son at the fucking tombstone should have been happening earlier.

A, B, the funniest line isn't to me, Mommy got sick. Oh, so funny. Don't be done. If we think about why we'll go crazy. that it doesn't mean that I killed her actually don't think about it don't think about it it's fine listen mommy and daddy went on a boat

and then mommy got sick and she'll never be seen ever again yep that's exactly right daddy likes his shovels and his rope you know you've always known this about daddy mommy and daddy took a drive up to the peak and mommy got a little mouthy and then mommy got sick

architects always have shovels and ropes they go to job sites that's how you measure That's how a master architect measures. And he's got hulking Rob Reiner in the wings. That guy could dismember a body real quick. He has before and he'll strike again, dude. Oh, like a lobster leg. He pulls those things off.

Like, crack, here we go. Well, that's the weird thing. This movie was like sort of middle Rob Reiner, which I haven't seen in a while. Like, you know, obviously like a what do you call all in the family? He's a big, you know, big meathead, obviously. It had been a while since I'd seen him. I forgot how tall he was. So, like, he's walking next to Hank's.

I'm like, this dude's a fucking behemate. Absolutely. How tall is Hanks? Like 5-5? That's a good point. He at least looks tall. I would say Tom Hanks is... 5-7? I would say Tom Hanks is probably

at least as tall as me, 5-10. I'm going to throw that out there. Now we're gambling on how tall Tom Hanks is. Rob Reiner's a monster. And I think that's the only reason that Tom Hanks is coming to him for dating advice. Six feet.

There you go. See? Six foot. Wow. So, yeah. Rob Reiner, man. Oh, wow. I'm about a Tom Hank. If he, if Rob Reiner wasn't a Hollywood Nepo baby, he could have been a fucking football players. Oh, yeah. Get this. Chad Hanks, 510. Oh, man. Chad Hanks is my height. That's

Rob. Rob Ryder 6-2, dude. Wow. Wow. He's as tall as this data for Colin Hanks. That's cool. Should we go through more heights? No. Speaking of Colin Hanks, this is what we sort of, it's this weird like montage of sadness.

because we have to get our assets to Seattle and for some reason we start in Chicago. Sure. Yep. And this is when you meet Rita Wilson and the great Victor Garber. Absolutely. A previous couple from our,

an episode called Invisible Child. Oh, that's right. They are both the couple in that. Together. Reunion. That was a reunion. Oh my God. Did they talk about that?

I would imagine that came up. Garber is a buddy of the Hanks' and they're just kind of hanging around. He's got like keys to the palace thing. Chet's father. Oh, Chet's. Do you think Victor Garber has

listened to a rap song with Chad Hanks at any point? I think he's been sent it like Rita Rida Wilson was like oh here's an email Chet's got a great song he's so talented and he just creative. Oh Chet I love this one. This one's called Because I got I The one that confused me

Not confused me but like when I read the Wikipedia copious Wikipedia description, Rita Wilson is his sister in this movie? What? I never got that. I just thought Hank's Yes I always I didn't get that all. I always read it they were just a couple friends.

Yeah, like we were, yeah, we were a couple friends and your wife died, but we're still with you. Yeah. Why would they never mention that? This is apparently, I think it's on IMDB2, despite, I think it's on IMDB2, like, despite playing his sister, Rita Wilson's actually his wife. I know that, you know. No, she, I'm sorry. No, she isn't. They never, she never, she never is like, mom said this.

Exactly. Uncle fucking Albert. I feel so bad for my brother. No, they're friends. They're just friends. I will say they're, they are fucking. They're swappers. They're swapping. They're sons of bitches. I'll tell you this much.

They're bringing this guy to the airport. And I know it's been a little while since they buried the, is it Maggie? And, I think it is Maggie. It is Maggie. Since they buried Maggie. But she's also like, you're going to find someone. I'm like, you know what? Until he brings this up, you don't bring this up.

Yeah, I think they say in the movie it's been like a year and a half. or something like that. Well, that's when they skip. That's when they do. But they're at the airport. There's an 18 months later jump early in the movie. And it's such an arbitrary amount of time to jump. Yeah. Because that makes sense for when you would start dating. But literally, when Victor Garber and Rita Wilson are at the airport bringing home, she's like, don't worry, you're going to find somebody soon. And I'm like, the fuck

are you talking about? Like, can I just handle moving halfway across the country first? How about that? First of all, I just yelled at my fat boss and pretty much got fired because he was like, Oh, here's the number of my shrink is pretty shitty, first of all. It is. And he goes to the litany of the list of all the shitty things people have said. They could talk to this guy, talk to that guy. Parents without partners, partners without parents.

Sons of bitches. I hate that these people care about me. Prostitute, prostitute, prostitute. I'm not going to do it. It's rude of him to move across the country here because what if her ghost is trying to find him? And suddenly like, yo, dude, what? Where are you? I would imagine the afterlife has international travel.

I don't know, dude. I think it's tough, dude. It's tough to figure out. Nope, nope. You're totally wrong. Oh, what's that?

Because I am a little bit of a ghost TV official. Oh, I see. Okay. When we go on tour, one of my hotel TV things is watching ghost shows. And there's definitely been multiple things about people moving. They know more than me?

They know more than me? Yeah. They know more than me? What, the ghosts? No, the ghost experts. Well, you're not a ghost expert. I sort of am. No, you aren't.

Just because you make people into ghosts. It doesn't make you a ghost X-Dexter. They follow them. Okay, so it's like the scent or something? Yeah, okay. We watched one episode of a show, which I didn't know existed, which is the funniest show, title at least, called Eli Rott's, a ghost ruined my life. That made me laugh. Yep.

Yeah. I've watched that. I've watched it. Can I ask, is it like, are there actual, like, big things at the door? Is they, they made me burn my eggs? You don't know. This was like, this lady was like, I mean, clearly there was no fucking ghost, but she was just like, oh, there was this like scary ghost and like I brought it in and I had a great, I had a good job and my kids loved and my kid loved me and my, but then my boyfriend left and now I'm bartending making okay money. I'm like, that just sounds like you had a downturn. Yeah, like it fell apart. Don't blame the fucking ghosts on that. It was like the light like coming on and off. That just might be bad electricity. Well, I remember one of those Eli Roth's, a. ghost to ruin my life where I think there was something about like this lady had like a haunted credenza

or something and it just you know it was like depression I just felt shitty and again it's like no it's too when I watched she brought a condens into her house and it made her create it made her depressed and blah blah blah like

the daughter started bonding with the ghost for a while so the ghosts live inside of this thing I guess so jealous of an imaginary friend first of all you bring a condens in your house you're lucky if you get ghosts because that's going to have fucking bedbugs on.

Bed bugs, and get back at the ghost by, you know, not using a coaster. I like that. Now there is a water ring on my eternal resting place. They hate this.

Excellent. He moves to Seattle. His friends wish him well. And then like, yeah, we kind of have this time jump now. An undetermined time jump. We meet Meg Ryan and cuck of the year Bill Pullman

What fuck? This is insane Their entire relationship is he's like totally fine and she's just like and he's sneezing and he's got allergies. It's weird He's so weird. It's a 1993 Bill Pullman with a good job and he seems nice

What are you crazy? He can't even sleep right. You should see him. He's got tissues. To Eric's point, they do make it sound like the way they're describing the amount of allergies and like things that he has He would have been dead by 12. He's got to be the boy in the plastic bottle.

This just doesn't make sense. They talk about the peanut allergy that he has. It's like such a horrible, like, oh, God, ugh, nasty. And nowadays, if you have a peanut allergy, they fucking got on a pin a metal on it. Do they? Yeah. I think what you mean to say is that we now make more concessions for people that suffer from.

Which is good. Yes. No, they don't get benefits from the military. Well, that's a thing, Chris. haven't finished following the money. I see. Of course. One day you'll get to it. I'm looking into it. It had been a really long time since I'd seen this movie and I forgot like where, like when in the calendar year we're setting the movie. So when we get to, it's Baltimore where Meg Ryan

and Bill Palman live 18 months later. I was like, oh man, is this a Christmas movie? Fuck me. Thankfully it's only one scene. Yeah. This is a stacked as shit cast wherein she goes in and her brother is David Hyde Pierce and her sister is Francis Conroy. Yes. It's pretty something. It may be faced Francis Conroy. Isn't Francis Conroy is the what is her. Herald's her cousin. Oh, okay. They do this whole thing on the way out

because they're like, they say Irene threat. Francis O'Connor apparently Conroy, Francis Conroy was going to kill the dog unless Harold came back. Oh, wow. This is all like Gabby Gab, rom-com smart snickety snap but what doesn't make like it would make sense

if later that paid off but when you meet Harold and Irene like there's nothing to sense that they are fucking crazy like that this lady was like I'm gonna kill your dog because you won't come home I do like they have a little runner because they're talking about like it's like you know like Andrew said it's a lot of over talky snapy

snap stuff going on and like we're talking about his allergies this one guy Francis Conroy's bit it's just like because he's allergic to bees yeah the bees he's allergic, and it just keeps bringing it up over and over, it's a funny runner. And the guy is great, yeah, bees will kill me, but I'm allergic to the bees. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No,

it can't be outside, about the bees. There is a great, I mean, we, I wonder, because this movie is an hour and 45 minutes, I wonder what. Blessed hour 45. Yeah, absolutely. It doesn't drag or anything like that, but it just feels like things are missing. And one of them is when, and I'm getting a little ahead here, but we're, Steve mentioned David Hyde Pierce, who I love. Sure. You know, from similarish

hometowns where Chris I came from. So, like, Like, always loved the guy. He's from Albany? Saratoga Springs. Really? Yes. This guy. Where did he go to school to teach him to not talk like he's from

Albany? I don't know. The Saratoga Dialect Consortium, of course. Yeah. Yeah, they talk a little different 30 minutes up the road, you know. But this was a big year for him because this movie came out the same year that Fraser started.

Oh, okay. But there's a part where she goes to visit him at work to get advice. and they clearly have put a lot of effort into making his office and where he works and blah blah and he apparently is some big deal conductor and he goes in his office and he's got the little conductor wand

and everything and it's just never again you never see him again there was a deleted scene of him and his intern Lydia Tar I mean it's just it seemed to me like there was they went to a lot of effort for this single scene to show what he does for a living

Because he's a professor. They just say professor the first time around. But like, I would love that. Fucking like, well, the fifth bronze. You mean, you can't just do that. It's a mystery. Well, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, everyone is well-moneyed. So he's got, he's got a conductor job. Later in this dinner scene, her mother is like, oh, here's your grandmother's dress. The historical society has been up my ass about it. I'm like, you know what? My grandmother that was buried in her fucking wedding dress. Dude, I don't know. This is like some sick fucking daughters of the American Revolution shit or something. You must have cold salmon.

What will we do if we do not have cold salmon? And then that's a thing that you also think the movie is going to like start up, but it totally doesn't because you literally never see the man again. Meg Ryan's father, you know, they announced that they're engaged at the table, you know, on Christmas Eve. And he's immediately like, okay, yeah, you got to have the cold. Salmon. We're going to do it here at the garden and Juniper. And I was like, oh, it's going to be like

an overbarrow. And dad character. Oh, oh, no, but Annie, you must, you must invite Jeffrey Epstein and Gislayne. You must, they must be there. They are. They are money. And everyone who's money definitely has ties to things like that. If not them, their grandparents, or whoever

definitely did human trafficking, etc. I'm always screwing it up. It's Gid Lane or Gislein? It's a Gislein or Gislein? Either way, she's just wonderful. I do think that, like, that, the weird, the Bill Palmer thing is a weird threat of the movie where, like, that would have been helpful if it was like, oh, the pressure of our wedding is like, it's crumbling, it's crumbling us. And then she, like, finds this outlet, which is this guy, she's deeply obsessed with. You know what I mean?

Like, sure, that's something. There is, and, you know, everyone in this room knows it. I'm sure thousands of you out there know this. When you're meeting the partner's family, it's very nerve-wracking. It's very tough. but poor Bill Pullman, man, he just has a real fucking dud hit immediately in this dinner table where they're like,

are you excited to be engaged? And he's like, it appears to me on this day that I'm the luckiest man. And he does a really bad like fucking Lou Gehrig reference and they're all like, what? I love that. Someone's like, oh,

Prattie Jangers, oh, baseball reference. It's a historical reference. It's a baseball. Famous movie, wonderful movie. Dude, I would take a fucking knife to my throat. To come back, from that moment, you can't. Like, it's almost as bad when you stand up to make a joke

in a room full of people and it bombs and you've got to sit back down. When are you standing up to make jokes? If you're doing it a bit, you're just like, hey, now your arms are moving. And then, like, everyone's like, no one's into it. At one of our live shows? Not yet.

So far, every time we rise from a chair at a live show, they're like, holy shit, they're walking. Oh, you're quoting Pride of the Yankees. Are you 73 or not? I love the scene where they're like So they're talking about the wedding dress up In like the attic or whatever Kind of a nice like redone attic

Of course it is a fucking door airfront movie They've got it like that baby Totally right Very organized. It looks wonderful So this is some wild shit though That this mother's going on about Where she's basically talking to her Talking to Meg Ryan about like

And you know oh on the wedding night When you finally you know get in there Don't worry it It took me and your father About a month and a half to get it figured out Wait, what? No, she said a year. I think she didn't know how to get a penis in her for a year. No, I think the idea is this guy likes ass play and she didn't realize that.

He was probably far too sheepish to talk about it. He wants the right Rimmie. And she hasn't done that before, Eric, right, right. The historical society didn't sign off on it. They don't like that. But then Meg Ryan is like, oh, don't worry about that, mom. We already. And she's like, oh, fiddle D.D.

Oh, did you? I already have a plug. Oh, so you've already covered the rib job. Thank God. Oh, these. Now, this was your grandmother's anal beads. They pop when they come out. They're made sound.

Made out of emeralds, you see. Yes. Oh, yes. They were in the Revolutionary War. Oh, yes. This was George Washington's anal beads. That's right. Oh, and Ben Franklin had a crack at them, too.

They're wooden, just like his teeth. And as long as you keep them oiled and polished, they pop right out. This was a sex swing given to me by Dolly. Madison. It doesn't really work anymore. You see, it's more presentational. It's just an example of when you don't take care of your sex toys

they will fall apart. But there's this, I mean, and it's a lot of like business to get here because like they it makes absolutely no sense why Bill Pullman and Meg Ryan are in two different cars. It was bothering me so much. And she's

like, well, because we've got to drive up to his parents in D.C., which is not that big of a drive. And then he's like, you're sure you don't want to come in the same car with me? And she's like, no, because I want to,

I got a ride to work at the morning or whatever. I didn't totally understand it. Yeah, I mean, the whole thing, I mean, it's part of what the movie is getting at is like,

that's sensible, not romantic. Oh, I see. See, like that would, that actually is planning and talking to your partner, which you should not fucking do. What you should do

is just magically go anywhere you want. And everything's magic. Magic. Dude, we are saying, listen, here's the thing. We are saying two words in this movie repeatedly, and it sucks ass. Wishes and magic. That's like, what, is there a gin going to show up?

You wish to have a wonderful husband. Well, first, I'm going to murder his wife. There's a perfect man out there for you, but he's married, so I'm going to murder. Well, you see, son, I found this magic genie bottle, and a gin came out, and then Mommy got sick. Oh, yes, I will have to take Carrie Lowell. She'll have it be mine before she goes on to Law & Order. Is that who plays the dead wife? Yes, she's one of the ADA, the short-haired ADA.

Oh, wow, okay. She comes back sometimes at S-SVU occasionally. The other one, probably recognized her if I saw. Other one got murdered, I'm pretty sure. Yes. We did kill that one, but the mafia did it. Yes, in the trunk. Yeah, yeah.

It's pretty great. Great, great. But so, like, she's driving by herself, because Bill Palm driving ahead of her, which is just absolutely. On Christmas Eve, it's absolutely insane. It's stupid. It's insane. One of the lines was like, oh, I forgot the present in the house. We're already late. You go ahead. I'll be 10 minutes behind you. So here's something that's crazy. Why did you bring that present in the house in the fucking first place?

If the person to receive said present wasn't going to be there. Leave it in one of the two cars you have outside. I would just be like, if you saw people go, what the fuck is that problem? It was in the same bag. I don't want to. pick through it. Let's get in or we're going to miss the charcutory. I mean, that could be actually, dude. That sounds very true to life. If we leave Grandmother's anal beads in the car, surely

some vagabond will come along and steal them. These are great. So you bring them into the house, dear. Oh, dear, yes. These are my leather thigh highs. It is a weird thing that where she's like, oh, you know, I got to go back in the house and get this present. And he's just standing there. And she's like, well, we're going to be late

for your parents. Like, why don't you go ahead? He's just like, oh, wait. And he's just like, robotically staring ahead. And it's just another weird thing that they try to make this character do. So by the end of the movie, you're like, yeah, he's kind of a wet blank. Oh, he's so weird. Weird guy. You know, the sneeze he did. Hey, watch that sneeze. Assall. You're going to lose McGriyan. And he does. He does. Then she's driving to the car. She puts on the radio. Yes. She hears this, this twisted talk radio. program, which these were all the rage back

in the day. Hey there, my dad hasn't slept in a couple of years. This is Tom Waits calling it from sleepless in Seattle. I'm a little eight-year-old boy with a boppy haircut. I keep on asking, what's he building? Do you got any tips on

getting my dad's a pussy? Well, like, I have to say, when he drops the fact that Tom Hanks hasn't slept, I'm like, like he should look a lot worse. Yeah. He should have like big bags. He should be half drooling.

Maybe a tooth missing. My dad isn't sleeping and the piano isn't drinking. You know what I mean. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm an eight year old boy from Seattle. Why is he talking like that? He's got a raspy little voice. Am I wrong?

Yeah. I think he's on two packs a day already. Exactly. Or you've got to stunt his growth dude so you can keep them kid rolls coming. Definitely. I didn't blow up here, but I'm big in Japan. Call me the eyeball kid.

They, so yeah, he calls it. It's like my dad is blah, blah, blah. And like, yeah, this is,

and she got to gets called. She's, she's getting drawn and we're watching. And Meg Ryan's fantastic. She's very charming. You're watching her do. It's a tough role,

it's a tough scene to play. Like, because she's like very actively listening, but it's not annoying. It's very kind of fun. You know what I mean? Like, she does try to like give it up at one point.

And she's like, oh, let me change the station or whatever. And she kind of noodle. around the dial. It is a really hilarious. You guys catch the bad Foley work here. All she's doing, because it's like a, you know, it's a mid-night

or it's an early 90s sedan that's driving. That's some old fucking thing with like a eight-track deck in it or something. It's just like little buttons, you know, preset buttons. But she's pressing these preset buttons and the folly noise, every time she presses the button is like what you would use if someone's pressing

like a big chunky button on a tape recorder or like a boombox or something. It is hysterical. He's like, oh, not that. one. Cchunk. Later when she does the background check and she's using that keyboard, it was absolutely driving me insane. Oh, yeah.

I like a nice chunky keyboard. Yeah. You got that mechanical keyboard. I did. And then I had to switch it to a quieter version because it kept on coming up on recordings. You can always tell when you were like looking something up on like, yeah, it felt really good. And right now we're in person. I'm on my phone.

so you couldn't hear me look up that that little kid that plays Jonah who's on Seinfeld as a Littman's son that tries to fuck a name. Oh, man! That kid rules. Yeah, no, he's got an interesting little career here

for a little guy. I love the fact, like, that they just let her act a lot of this through her eyes. Yes. Like the interaction can't be much, but you have to make it work for any of this to carry through to the, what's going to happen.

Her psycho eyes. Her psycho eyes. I really have to sell it all because... She's got really psycho eyes. But then she's sold because, of course, he said the thing her mother said. About magic. It was magic. Which is, they're the only two people who have referred to love is that.

So that's the only way that you would know to link those up. There is this, I mean, like, and it's something like, if you watch most, like, Hallmark rom-coms, we love having widowers and widowed people because there's, specifically widowed men with children, there's just like, ooh. that guy is so sad. I want to get me some of that sad. To bring up Seinfeld again. George, your story's testing through the roof.

Exactly. Yeah. Break me off some of that. Sad. I have a term for this. Sexative. Yeah. It's sensitive but sexy. Sure. That whole thing has been and like that's the whole, like,

you don't really get much more of Sam. That's not just Tom Hanks being Tom Hanks. Yeah. Like, you don't write him as much of a character. He's an architect. Which is the famous fake job as we know. Is this ground zero for rom-com architect employment? Might be.

I feel like I would be earlier. At least the early days. And it's just to explain that he's got limitless money and doesn't do anything. I'm sorry. To date and whatever. It's not sleep as in Seattle. It's the fountain head. That's where that started.

I'm wrong here. She stops at a roadside diner. She's listening to it. And everyone's, this is insane. single person in the fucking diners like I want to fuck this sad guy on the radio yeah that's sad dick when was the last time especially on christmas eve that like mass radio listening happened like this it has to have been the great depression orson wells broadcasting oh roosevelt is going to be up next we better keep tuned in yes this is sleepless in the seattle calling and i haven't been sleeping much and getting not laid at all, you see. My large ships over the fields

of New Jersey. Oh, wait, that was my last script. Oh, well, no, I haven't been having sex, but I've been getting a lot of head. Don't like to be active these days. Andrews, one of the waitresses uses your favorite line. I wouldn't

kick him out of bed for eating crackers. Oh, yeah, dude. Eating crackers. Isn't the guy in the background, the bulldogs from him from Silence of Lambs? Yes. The weird bug guy that winds up having sex with Jody Foster for now. Oh, Paul Fuck, what is that guy's name? I don't even forget it. I will tell you

this, I gave that dude to ride home one. Very sweet guy. No, he doesn't have a line in this. It's just in the background sipping his coffee, listening to these women who want to have sex. I imagine there's some line where he, they got cut, right? He's just like, oh, you dumb broads or what have you. Speaking of the Bulldog, though, dude. Great laughing. Nora, you genius. You know, this dumb broads line isn't playing well.

How do I tune this? Let me think of ways. There's a couple of not just David Hyde Pierce, but there's a couple of Frasier folks floating around this movie. The guy who played Kenny the station manager for a while. Oh, right. He's in there for a hot second. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And also it's in Seattle. It takes place about a radio. College shows. Yeah, it's the whole thing. It's kind of weird. I mean, this, this Dr. Fieldstone show is kind of creating a Pontypool effect for at least these two, this father and son. I wish this movie turned into fucking Ponty pool, dude. They go a little crazy after this phone call happens. And they both, I mean, like, I guess it's a good thing that

it starts up, Tom Hanks being like, you know what? The old penis is going to dust and bits down there. Wow, dust and bits. That sucks. You know what? I should get out, get on, get on the, back on the trail, I guess. Yeah, you got to turn those cobwebs into cum webs. That's exactly right, dude. You're slinging the wrong kind of webs, thanks. And he's like, you know, he's really laying it on thick. He's like, how wonderful is my wife? Well, how long is your show?

It's pretty sweet. It's a nice line. And he's funny and affable here. There's some good lines here with his son about like Dad, she's a doctor. A doctor of what? Her first name could be doctor. I like that, too. Yeah, he's incredibly

incredulous to this radio psychiatrist as you should be sure what's chef is that his first name fucking failure i don't respect your authority officer that could be your oh no i got shot in the head no my mistake whoops a doodle uh they yes and like so she's like sobbing and like listening to this thing and like time and then that's kind of it because we cut to the baltimore sun this is where she works so the first part of the holidays are over with here. And we meet Rosie. She's like the co-worker here. And they're all talking about sleepless in Seattle. Edwards, of course, because that's like the radio handle that he's

given by the host. We're just saying the title of the movie nonstop. Before podcasts, before you all gathered around to talk about we hate movies. A water cooler. It's incredible that we brought this Seinfeld thing because the heroic fat camp counselor from heavyweights, who is one of her colleague. That's the same guy that Andrew was talking about that guy. Yes. Him. He is pitching a soup Nazi story. Yes. He is pitching a stupid. It's weird. It's the meanest guy in America, but he makes great soup. I'm like, what the fuck is happening? It's very weird. Well, I ended that was just

probably an unknown thing in New York and like Nora Afron was obviously all over New York. So that's kind of like she just kind of got there before Larry David did, I guess. Yeah, totally. The meanest son of a bitch. He makes this. His place is called hail and hearty soups. Malagatani Or no, wait, wait, wait, wait. Jambalaya. He does eat Malagatani earlier.

Malakatan. Love a good Malagatani. Me too. It's hard to find a really good one. You know, I don't think I've run across a Malagatani in the wild, honestly. It's really solid stuff, but when it's bad, it's real bad. It's bad when it's bad, but when it's really, really good when it's really good. Yep, totally, totally. So, yeah, it's just kind of like her going through this whole, like, oh, gee,

Oh, he's perfect, but oh, what about Bill Palman, all juries? Oh, because she's, this is, when it's like, minute nine, and she's like, maybe I should write a story about it. And, like, it never fucking happens. She never writes a story about anything. No story, no story whatsoever. She doesn't do anything at this magazine besides stalk this guy. And spend its money on fucking airplane tickets.

I mean, she's, I mean, like, by the end of this, she's about to become an architect's wife. So maybe, I mean, she's quitting her job, quitting the fiancé. I mean, she eventually hires a private. investigator to take pictures of him eating soup. Now, there's a question here about that and might as well just talk about it here. Sure. Who cares?

After the big happy ending. I was going to, yeah, I wonder. Are we telling the tale of I fucking hired somebody to follow yous and whatnot? No, and she's also not telling him about the deep fake porn that she made of him. Oh, absolutely. She's not telling either of those two things that this insane person did. So it's 1993, so deep fake porn would only be she had a picture. of a naked dude and then a fuzzy

Polaroid of Tom Hanks that she took from across the street while spine. But no, his arms look a little different. So I cut these ones out of another magazine and you're just doing a collage basically. Yeah, your deep fake looks like a fucking hostage letter ransom note. Yes, yeah.

And then she just sits on it. I mean, architect has a house on the water. I, you know what? I might have to kill Rosie O'Donnell to make sure I'm safe. Yeah. Make sure the secrets are all paved up there. You're totally right. Brick her up, I say. No, but do you answer, no, you would never tell because that is the part where the movie gets totally nuts. Like the, because again, I think

there's a world in which there's a reasonable story in which Meg Ryan, like, has this like infatuation with this guy she heard on the radio. She doesn't do, she writes the letter only. Right. And like, you know, Bill Pullman kind of fucks it up for himself anyway, like in however he does that or what have you. And then, like, you know, they do this stupid Empire State Building thing and that's what they meet. But no, they give to make the middle of the movie kind of juicy, they keep giving Meg Ryan insane shit to do. Right. Because there's nothing like, it's not like he keeps calling back. It's like just one broadcast. They eventually replay it as like a best of. But you need a through line here. That fucking best of thing is nuts. Because it's like, they're like,

this is a greatest hit. The best of this year. And it's like, Moody in Minnesota. And then it's like a second. And then it's like a crabby in Colorado a second. And then the entire fucking phone call from Tom Hanks. You're totally right. I thought that it was like a preview for coming up. We're going to do the best of or whatever. But then they just go through all it. It's like his whole thing. And I'm going to wake up every day. And I'm like, Jesus. It plays way longer than the rest of like the coming attractions. And also speaking of Frazier and something that that show did all the time, guests like, secret guest celebrity you know people would call in and be the the people talking to fraser or

whatever uh nora effron is one of them in i think she's crabby in colorado or whatever the fuck it is i hope so yeah like um this thing happens and like now all of a sudden women fell in love with him and like i guess Jonah at some point gave uh the radio station their name and address and now they're getting all this this fan mail yeah because i think it's like The radio stations get douched with all this mail. And they're like, holy shit, we got to send this to this guy. It's insane. This pile of fan mail.

It's like the end of fucking miracle on 34th Street on the letters of Santa come out. It's probably even more than Charles Manson gets. It would be cool. God rest his soul. Oh, yeah. He's dead right. If Tom Hanks is like, you know what? Gotta get back on the horse.

And he just starts fucking people left and right. He just goes like a sex ad. He just gets like three times a day. Sex tourism, right? He's like, okay, where are you, baby? All right, it looks like I'm going to Colorado to get crabs with crabby. I'll show them sleepless in Seattle. I'm going to fuck all of Turks and Caicos. The whole fucking bit of it. And he could. He could have. He's got that sway. You're going to get pounded in Portland, sweetheart. Here comes. He's called the radio station. It was pounded in Portland, Oregon. And then I fucking flew across the country and it's

pork to Portland, Maine. And who could forget. Who could possibly forget coming in Kentucky? Thanks, thanks, Dr. Fieldsstone, for getting my dead pussy. Oh, yeah. My, uh, my, my wife is a very

important, rich, uh, daughter of a Chinese billionaire. But, uh, I'm not necessarily, uh, coming in Kentucky, if you know what I mean. I raise pigs. Mr. McConnell probably does raise pigs. I just

fingered in Flagstaff, just bailed that to three weeks ago. He is Mason Berger. I like that's, I just, I cannot can, they're the same person to me. His fucking face does look like pigs bit part of it off. Mitch McConnell, did he have any kids? Maybe they look like pigs. Maybe. I don't know.

Did he train them to eat other people? Probably. Ooh. You know, that would give me respect for him. That would do it. Reverse cowgirl and Reno. That's all on his list, dude. And then it's weird. This is another weird thing because then all of a sudden it's a Meg Ryan movie at New Year's Eve.

Yes. And I know Rob Reiner to be fucking farting around too. It's weird. You can't do New Year's Eve. You just can't. It should be a party of any other kind. I hate you, Bill Palmer.

No, I really fucking hate you because I'm in love with Sleepless in Seattle. Because Bill Paulman's like, hey, baby, I got a great idea. I got to do some stupid work thing in New York. Why don't you come with me on Valentine's Day? And you know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to drop two to three grand on this trip. Don't worry about it. We're going to go to the Plaza Hotel. They're in the Rainbow Room. This guy's dropping money on this in-great. It's insane. Here's a thing that's crazy. And maybe it's because I just fucking totally despise the concept of Valentine's Day.

But like, everyone in this movie is referring to like Valentine's Day weekend. And like there's definitely a point where someone says, what are you doing for the holiday? no that's not the holiday the holiday this feels like the last hurrah for Valentine's Day as like one of these bit like as a national war like all doing it like you have kids fucking giving

each other things stuff like that I think after this it's more like hey maybe we cut it out maybe there's lonely people in the fucking world you're saying now we should start we should dial it back I think it's been dialed I think it's been dialed I think it's been dialed because there's that movie Valentine's Day

oh yeah that huge how about that A humongous hit Valentine's Day. You know, think about, you know, there's the little fat baby angel. Sure. That shoots you in the arrow. There's a lot of fat baby angels, Eric. They're not just stupid. Please name five.

There's Laurel. Oh, you like fat baby angels, huh? There's Maxwell. There's Laurel. Okay. Pedy. But, you know, it's interesting that they tried to give it a religious bent there, right? You know, like they're, oh, you know, because Kevin Baby wants you to fuck.

It's just, yeah, we're not, it's just, it's all about love, Eric. It's love. Right. Right. Because the kids, right? They used to get all the cards. They used to. That's what I heard.

That was a Simpsons episode. Well, yeah, I guess in an all-boys school, you're not doing Valentine's. Well, no, no, there was grade school. I didn't get a goddamn card. That'll happen. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Well, see, they, they rigged it in my grade school because it was like, they would send a note home for the parents.

And it's like, I actually got all the valentines. Everybody loves me. Now, it's like, if you're going to do valentines, you have to do one for like the whole class. Got it. So there's my mother, you know, right now. I love you every person. But then it was, you got like bullshit because it's like it's kids. You get like Simpsons ones where it's like, let's be friends, man.

Or like, whatever, you know, just got anything to waste people's money. Empty sentiment. Yeah. I have this vision of like a first, like a third grade teacher just like quickly like, Okay. Who got nothing? Okay. You're the best, Benny. Keep on going, Karen. No, no. They see the kid that got none and they're like, yeah, he needs a special school. He's going to kick him out. He's just not. He's not socializing. He's not, no, we should at least hold him back. He's withdrawing. Zero, zero valentines. Yeah. Back to kindergarten for you. He just really, you know, he makes a scene in class.

You know, he's just very lonely and it really upsets everybody. We see, uh, him, Tom Hanks, do his architect job. There's some sort of they're built at a house from a snooty woman who's the woman from Home Alone 2. What's her name? Dana Ivy. Playing a real like kind of socialite sort of like real housewife. Again, America's answer to Fiona Shaw. She just is. She's got a thing. It's again, though,

it's another character where you're like, wow, this is a big, bombastic character. Can't wait to see all the scenes that she's in. Wait, what? She was going to be coming back because there was talk later in the film of like, oh, you're going to call that woman from the, uh, the architect job. It was just someone from a different job. Yes. And then

I thought it was also on this right. The designer on that job. Interior decorator. You know, you could have had maybe an extended scene where he actually meets her in that or something. I don't know. Yeah, exactly. I mean, this woman that plays like the sort of like temporary girlfriend. Victoria. Yes. That's a character name. Yeah. Like, not a lot going on. Well, apparently she's a hoe. Dude, okay, this is a question. That's not me.

No, I know. I know. That's a child. No, no, but thank you for reminding me. Yeah, she's a ho. There's multiple times, including the scratchy, including the scratchy voiced little boy, which I didn't hear it that way, but that's what we're going with. We're saying ho all over this movie. And my thing, I was like, do you know where I, Efron, like, just fucking hear someone say ho?

Yeah, probably. Like, what are you doing? Drop a ho. I just listened to my first rap contact. I can't wait to tell. you a word I found out. I snatched it away from my teenage daughter and threw it in the garbage room. Before I did, I heard a word that I liked a lot. You know a thing that does not fit in this movie whatsoever? Tom Waits? Well, yeah, because I didn't hear that. But the little moment where

Tom Hanks puts the kid to sleep and then he's laying on the couch with that delicious looking beer. Oh, yeah. And there's this weird fantasy sequence where he imagines the wife coming in. Yes. That's insane. You're right. He gets visited by a fucking ghost. And it answers your question. She fucking followed them in Chicago. It was such a small thing that I actually forgot about it. But it's so small. It's just a weird thing.

I don't know. Not that you have to have her at the end of the movie being like, I approve of you and Meg Ryan. Hey, I didn't know you moved so far. It took me a while on the heaven highway or whatever. Right? Like, I don't know. You can't just snap your fingers, right?

You can leave me, Sam. The wall start to bleed. Oh, yeah. This is, yeah. You could go all across the globe. fucking find you and find you and it's just like wait a minute that doesn't sound my like my what yes it is definitely your wife is that my fucking son wearing a mariner's cap you piece of fucking shit I'm gonna kill you are you eating fish instead of sausage blood

that's it I'm bringing Rob Reiner here and I'm going to eat him in front of you I like that yeah but it's a long time it's a bullshit scene I guess because we we hired the lady from law and order we wanted to have Her talks. I guess it's just to, like, also illustrate, like, how sad he is. Like, I'm still seeing her. I'm still seeing her. I have to rip my eyes out.

She came out the fucking TV and started yelling at me. Hey, Sam, seven days. She's here. This could only mean he's contemplating suicide. Oh, if that kid wasn't in the picture, he'd be in the lake. Absolutely. Yeah, we're not even making that move to Seattle. Not worth it.

Because he's just like my ghost wife is here. What if I became a ghost husband? You know what, Dad? You just got to get behind the mule and figure that one out, man. You just got to get that grief behind you, brother. Put down those 16 shows from the 30-od six. Just put him away. Weird detail when he's like looking through all of those

valentines and letters that he's getting, whatever, the Charles Manson-esque amount of letters. He's like, oh, because the kid's like, oh, what about that? Or excuse me. what about this guy? And he's like, oh, she looks like my third grade teacher. And then he takes the photo and he's like, it is my third grade teacher.

The very Tom Hanks still screaming like it's 1980s. This is like the last of it. Like literally it's this and then he goes full. I think Philadelphia is the same year. It's the same year. Yeah. So he's just he's just crossing a full on dramatic actor. Apparently he really didn't want to do this movie because he was going to be so

dramatic. But at the same time he's like, ah, that's a fun script. And he was able to, like, rewrite his own character, et cetera, et cetera. But like, this is sort of the last gasp of like 80s, Hanks. Yeah. Playful. He's much more playful. Because even in You Got Mail, which is the spiritual sequel, it is a little bit more.

He's more 90s. He's not frantic at all. Like this, there's some jazz to him still in this. Yeah, because the year before was League of their own. And then, yeah, this in Philadelphia, the same year. And then boom, next year, gumping it up. Oh, good Lord. You're getting gumped. It's Gump. Apollo 13, then Toy Story.

That thing you do, which is comedy, but he's not, it's not the same, you know. Who can forget gumping in Gilderland? This is the last gasp of Turner and Hooch. Thanks, you know what I mean? Like, this is, uh, because he's doing what he's yelling at the kid later on. He's like, shut up, Jonah. And I'm like, yeah, dude. I am getting laid's discussion is wonderful. This is a weird, dude, the line right here with the kid, like he's, uh, first of all, so they're like talking about all the letters while Tom Hanks is like making dinner for this kid. And you see what's going on here? Stovetop, okay, in the house and

like we're outside of the grill, okay? Stovetop, grill pan, we're making hamburgers. Where is the plumes of smoke cooking a fucking hamburger on the stove? Where is him getting splattered with the grease? They're just these two disgusting gray brown hockey books that he's like, here's your dinner. That thing is cooked within an inch of its life. It's disgusting. It's safer that way. It's safer. The kid is like, oh, you're going to go out on a date or whatever. Are you going to, is she going to scratch your back?

Are you going to have sex? Are you going to have sex? Is she going to scratch up your back like in all the sex movies? Are you going to get laid on the river? But yeah, and he's like, how do you know about like scratched backs? And he's like, oh, my friend has cable or whatever. By the way, they are doing the Kirsten Dunst, Jesse Bradford scene from Bring It On While they do this.

They're just spitting into the faucet one after. Oh, yeah, they're brushing the teeth. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that person is pretty disgusting. They bring up fatal attraction. They do later on. Is that late? Yeah, so that's when he talks about like when he doesn't want to meet her.

He's like, it could be like fatal attraction. You're right, right. I thought that was part of the scratch sex back because Michael Douglas, king of the back scratch. Oh, dude, absolutely. That is a funny change. That's how you got cancer, I heard. All those back scraps. Yeah, Catherine kept scratching my back and all of a sudden I got throat cancer.

You can only blame Sharon Stone so many times. And then I gave it to your wife. Sorry. That whole exchange, though, about fatal attraction is funny because he's like, didn't you see fatal attraction? I mean, I just love Muppet, Tom Hanks. And, you know, the kid's like, I didn't see it or whatever. And he goes, well, I did.

Everybody in America did it scared every man. the whole fucking rant is really funny. Jimmy has cable. That line I actually laughed at. There's a lot of L.O. There's a lot of funny stuff. There's this sequence. It is the worst ADR

I've ever seen in my life. Worse than the fucking funeral scene at the beginning? Much worse because there's this scene where it's a cute scene with him and Rob Reiner and they're walking down the street. He's like, when you start dating, they're going to look at your butt. You want a cute butt. Oh, you got a cute butt. And they go into some like clam

shack place and they're just eating and they're talking about Carrie Grant. I think it's one of the first time. Hello, Diane. Yes. That part is it's just a pretty close shot over over on Hanks and Reiner and we're doing like fun either improv or just whatever it is. But then like one third, like 30 seconds before the shot ends, the shot goes to the ceiling. You're all the way up on top and you're just, you can watch because high definition, they're not saying a fucking word they're talking about. This is what

he does a carry grand impression and like the motion makes no sense. You're right. That was a complete 80-yard line. It's pretty fantastic. Yeah, it's a famous chowder god's eye view. That's a funny scene though. Like there's a lot of good ratatat back and forth. Like now you have to have Tara Missou.

What is Terramus? You're going to find out. Have you ever heard of pegging? We'll find out. The Taramisu line is great because he says like you're going to find out. And Tom Manx goes, well, what is it? Some girl's going to want me to do it to and I'm not going to know what it is, which is pretty funny. The thing with the clams shack wherever they're eating is great, too,

because it's Tom Hanks, Rob Reiner, and then just like a full lunch counter of the craggliest fisherman you've ever seen. By the way, I've been to this little, it's in public market. It's very tasty. The chowder was very good. And never been to Seattle always wanted to go. I would love to go. Yeah, we were supposed to do a show there once.

And the city had other plans for us. Yeah, the mayor fucking called it off. I think so. I don't want the We hate movies, boys, the Blues brothers or any of those kids from Delta House coming into Seattle. Yeah, that's what happens.

I won't have that Dave Grohlback either. We do hope to get there soon and you guys look great. We do have that, we talked about it doesn't matter, but the scene where like, they're getting ready for bed and he's got the,

heaven forbid he has to fucking put a humidifier on. Oh, yeah. What a fucking weird. He's so weird. It's like half robot, half-man. Annie, help me take this mask off. I get a little dry at night. Yeah, when she goes down to the kitchen,

and she eventually, I guess she's listening to the radio or whatever, but she's also... This is where the best stuff is playing. She peels an apple. First of all, like an assassin. Which he says, Tom Hanks says, Maggie does the exact same thing at one point.

Is there like some kind of, I know it's not reincarnation because Annie was already alive. Sure. is Maggie possessing this woman? You know what? That would make a kind of more interesting movie. Kind of like whatever that movie is where Alan Thick dies and comes back in a robot.

Right. What the hell is that movie called? I do not know. He's driving down the street. Is he a fuck robot? No, it's a little like, I'm going to fuck you very badly. I'm a robot. Beep boop, beep, boop. 1985's fuck robot. Yes. I remember this very well now. I was your dad and now I'm fucking. Everything that moves, because I'm a fuck robot. It's a little, like, it's not a, it's not a humanoid thing.

It's like, it's like the Butlerron robot on Clown Highway or something. What the fuck it's called? My partner, the Sibian. Oh, man. Come and sit on it. I'm a fuck robot. The thing about the apple peeling is one, yes, to put it towards, like, when he says later, she used to peel an apple.

You're like, oh, oh, magic. She peels an apple like Aragorn would peel an apple. That's not a regular thing to do. but what I'm saying is they have to like have her do something because like the last time she was listening to the radio she's driving a car and she could like change the station you can't just have this isn't Jean Dealman

like you can't just have her sitting at the fucking table listening to the radio so they have her just peel this apple like a psychopath I mean it's I find it funny that it's like it just doesn't happen twice it's all magic and the two it happens with Meg Ryan in fucking 1993 and Carrie Lowell.

Maybe you just like stunners, buddy. Yeah, exactly. Maybe you can only do tens. So it's kind of crazy that, like, Tom Hanks doesn't give a shit when he walks home and he walks in the house, rather, and he's like looking for the boy, can't find him, goes upstairs, and this insane fucking Bond villain chair turns around. And it's the boy and Gabby Hoffman listening to Beatles record. So they're fucking... No, but it's just like, on no fucking planet, would my parents approve this going on?

There's a fun little joke where it's like, close the door, man. And he like, he closed him, then he opens it and he kind of looks in, like, keeps it halfway open. But it was kind of weird in the third act when Gabby Hoffman has, leaves to have Jonah put into a mental hospital,

takes her forever to do that. Totally. All of a sudden, it's black and white. All of a sudden, Scoot McNary is playing Jonah. yeah now it's fucking not 18 months it's 18 years later that come on come on's a really great movie it's a underrated film it's good

she has obnoxious like kid shit where she is abbreviating things so you know she says like the first thing she says to Tom Hanks is like so H&G and he's like the fuck did you say to me in my own house and she's like hi and goodbye Oh, yeah. Don't you, don't, don't, don't bit, we're listening to Swordfish Trombone.

Just lead us alone. Jonah's got a demo out. It's really good. I also love that it's, he just gets home and he says, where is my unsupervised eight-year-old that lives here? Yep, totally. And it begs that, you know, it speaks rather to my question about like how this whole thing got started because like it's Christmas Eve. What is this little weaner doing just listening to adult talk radio? It's just like, I guess he's like, all.

I'm going to go out and look at the water and this kid's like, I got to do something. I'm either going to call the cops or I'm going to call the radio station. Hey, Jonah, just in case I don't see you tomorrow morning, Merry Christmas. I might be might take a dip with my rock wife

and see how the bottoms treat me. There is a scene. It's one of the many scenes. A fair to remember, which is a movie I've not seen, but great movie. Great movie. It's excellent. Way better than this. I have not seen it as well. is like kind of a spiritual

predecessor to this film so we're watching it a lot we're talking about a lot there's this scene where it's Rosie O'Donnell and she's hanging out of bed with McRyne's house and it starts with Meg Ryan

I think she's starting to write the letter to him here oh yes and they're watching a fair to remember and she I swear to God this could only happen in 1993 she finishes a bottle of Snapple puts it down there's

rosy O'Donnell comes in with another bottle of Snapple This lady's hand is not is full of Snapple At least three bottles of Snapple in this shot Yeah, Rosee! You go to kitchen. Yeah, Snapple be babe. I like mixing the peach with the lemon.

That's the best taste. Can I tell you, I mean, one, I haven't had a Snapple and I couldn't. Yes, very long time. But at the time when I was drinking snapples, there was never like two bottles of Snapple on my desk or like in college, like I never but two bottles of snapple

at the deli or something like that. That's way too much snapple. I think that like in the 90s in the Seinfeld did this too in television the idea was you would just have snapple at your house. Like I could come to your house and just be like, yo dude, it's cool if I grab one of your 10 snapples, it's totally cool. There's 10 snapples in there. Assorted flavors.

Don't worry about it. Ten assorted. We got 20 more coming with the grocery delivery. Let's fucking do it. Snaple it up. 10 snapples in the refrigerator. We fucking hang out with millionaires? That's what I mean. That's a nor a fraud movie. George is always just grabbing Snapple

There's just snapples in people's fridges And I never understood it And yet but then Like his cookie is a snack well Yeah I don't appreciate it Jerry You go to my house You get a snap like oh cool man

It's a $2.50 Unless you want to trade and barter Do you have a Fruitopia You want a swap or maybe a Sobe Oh man a soapie totally Or maybe you got an Arizona green tea To be fair You need two

Thank you get it That's exactly the conversion. I can. Because the Snapple's a little better. It's a classier, bad thing. It's more expensive, dude. Yeah, you can give me two to Arizona's and get you a Snapple in my house. There's also, I mean, oh my God, remember lemon brisk ice tea?

That's terrible. I was, I've been watching a lot of news radio, just going through it again. It's laugh out loud, hilarious show. There's, they're breaking into a brisk. Dude, there's brisk all over that baby. It's, I think that's what killed Phil Hartman, not the bullet. You could. have like a vending machine with the brisk logo in the break room?

They absolutely did. They, that shit, you could use that shit to melt down body. Put that into the fucking white barrels. Absolutely. Absolutely. That shit. That's fucking. Why is it, why is it an ice tea burning my throat?

Maybe that's what that kid's problem is. He's not smoking cigarettes. I was just drinking some, I eat some brisk. There's just so much sugar in it that it actually burns your mouth. There's like men fall. A melt in my throat. Yeah. Men fall.

It is kind of like mental. I don't know what the chemical is. Why is my throat tingling by drinking iced tea? Because it ain't ice tea, baby. That's the grift. I must have had a can of brisk ice tea every day of middle school. Because when we got to middle school, that was like when they finally had vending machines.

Oh, sure. And when you would take the bus in in the morning, they're like waiting for all the schools or buses to get everybody from all over the town to come to the middle school or whatever. So like you kind of had like free period in the morning for a little. little bit and you better believe pumping those quarters into that shit. I saw those claymation commercials. That's risk crap. Yeah. I was in love with it. You were taken with Bill's Lane. Bill's Lane, absolutely. R-I-B. Getting a heartburn for the first time in five

years just thinking about fucking prison. Well, dude, every time I think about Kiwi strawberry snapple in this conversation, I'm ready to fucking up chuck. Oh. Yeah, I have not a, I just don't even see that much Snapple anymore in the world. So kids listening and talk to your parents about beverages that existed 25 years ago. Elevated juices. Yes, elevated juices. That should be our next podcast. Oh, wait. Dude, how about this? The juice

jerks. Yeah, there you go. And we're just talking about old-timey beverages. We're drinking ecto-cooler. Oh, man, ecto-cooler. That was the shit. Jonah, you got to knock it off with that brisk ice tea. You sound like Lawrence Tierney for Christ's sake. Shut up, dad. We got some letters here for you,

Dad, Toby Wong. There's a couple of nudie pictures in these. When she's starting the letter, oh, the thing, okay, just the last thing about the snacks. Because you said snack well, that's what Jerry had, right? Which, by the way, if I go into your house and all you got for me is snack well, put me out in the garage and I'll eat some fucking cardboard

you have instead. If they only have snack wells, you've gone back in time. 1998. What is snack well? It was like a diet cookie kind of thing. thing that should not exist. Low or zero sugar. Maybe they're putting some of the fucking sweet and low.

I'm sure whatever additive was in snack walls would kill you. Absolutely. Talking about melting bodies down. But so they're having like movie night and whatnot. Rosie O'Donnell has the most disgusting bowl of snacks here. I was trying to figure it out. I couldn't get my head around it. Here's what I think it is, dude, and fucking buckle up.

She's got in the same bowl. Cheetos. And both of, by the way, both of these snacks, separate in separate containers, totally fine. Together, chaos. Cheetos. And then what I'm pretty sure are those Pepperidge Farm Chesman butter cookies.

Oh, what? Really? Yes, they're like the little square cookies with chest pieces on them? Caramel popcorn. Maybe that would work. No, dude, it's Cheetos and butter cookies. Interesting.

And they're not stone, which is really confusing. Because they're unhinged lunatics and fucking Meg Ryan's sitting there. I'm going to write down the dialogue from the movie and mail it in the letter. That's going to lead me to love. Let's reenact my favorite movie. All right. We're both dressed as clowns.

And then we break into a bank. And then I kill you. And right before you do, you're like, well, who are you going to kill? And then I say, I kill the bus driver. I'm certainly looking forward to meeting you sleepless. son, which is what she addresses his letter to. It's dear, sleepless and son. That is how it gets

through the filter, because he's like, hey, look, Jonah, it's one for both of us. Yes. And I mean, because that's a thing, too, is like, why would you want a stranger talk into your kid? Exactly. That's what's missing is we're not getting any of, like, we're getting all like, oh, man, he's so romantic.

And that, Jonah, I mean, that could be my son, like, he'd be the best son ever. Like, what is, what is the attachment? Little boy, too. I can be a boy. There is this weird thing. And again, like, Lifetime Hallmark, all these, like,

yeah, movies, it's always like, oh, I just, and she's got the sweetest little kid. It's like, I don't know, man. Like, that kid's going to be 12 real soon. And he's like, you're not my mother, bitch. Like, get ready for that. Video game, skateboard. Three and a half years tops.

Dude, and let me tell you, best case scenario, because all of a sudden, magically, through the power of movies, your stepmom's Meg Ryan in 1993. Yeah, I mean, what are you going to do? You're going to make a move? No, but maybe you're a smoking jacket. Well, hello there.

How are you? Well, my voice, you see. It's that towel is secured nicely over there? I wouldn't be surprised. Like, you walk into his bedroom one day, he's hoarding pictures of her under the mattress. Oh, dude. Oh, you're thinking like her left sock keeps going missing kind of a scenario,

especially after her runs? Where was, uh, honey, where was that underwear you bought me for? last Valentine's Day. We're getting ready to celebrate the high holiday again. I got a, what is this? Jonah, I'm going through my credit card. A subscription to Milf Maniacs. What is, where is that coming from? Don't concern yourself about that. It's an up and coming magazine because it's 1995. It's a periodical. I subscribed. They had some really good articles

on Sarajevo. Dude, I love, uh, this kid, wakes except from a nightmare one point screaming mom mom mom all that stuff that's very sad very sad nothing funny about it but what is hilarious is tom hanks runs into this bedroom and this kid is sweating like he's been running freddie croaker through his dreams it's but it's amazing soaked it's this amazing thing where he's like oh man i had this terrible nightmare and like there's water coming and everywhere and mom was there and i couldn't do this and i couldn't do that he's like oh man what did your mother used to do for these nightmares like this kid's i mean like is an eight-year-old kid just lost his mother he has this first nightmare a year and a half in

kids doing pretty damn good absolutely and by the way what did my parents do when I had nightmares you're fine go back to sleep you're good singing songs the back of the hand well yet the dream is that they were in the house on the water

and then all it's just like wait into sea and I imagine Tom Hanks was just like well son that was my original idea how to end it all because I really didn't want to live anymore but I got better

dad I had a nightmare that you weren't getting any you know you weren't getting laid that's you should get the ghost back for her to talk to Jonah and be like, son, I love you. Let your father fuck. Just once.

Let him fuck. The kids should see the ghost too, man. That would be something, I guess. I like that. I had a dream that I was the guy eating flies in that vampire movie from literally two years ago. Hey, dad,

do you want to buy me a jukebox? Hey, dad, you want to watch some gym Jarmoosh movies I hear he's pretty cool I had a dream that I was locked in a cell with Roberto Benidi Down by law scared every man in America

We were we all going to dance with convicts Is that what we're going to do now? Ice cream, you scream We all scream for ice cream And so Tom Hanks Goes on a date with someone Oh, it's with this

Victoria interior decorator Yeah, who the kid deems a ho Yeah, so ho because she has a annoying lad It's like, you know And like she's she knows she's dating Tom Hanks In like fucking 1993 So she's like very clear like she's doing her makeup She's like oh fucking nervous about it

She's a nice woman She is She's nothing wrong with her at all She makes dinner Oh because the kid's just like I never had no potato like that was it all grotton but get the fuck out

I have to know what the deal was with those potatoes were they covered in chocolate sauce they were all they were in the frame they were all grotton for sure you're like it on grotton it's fancy talk for cheese potato

I mean it's a grotton potato and it takes a while it's a lot lot of you gotta get a mandolin involved although she made you fucking brownies there's brownies in this shot But one thing I don't want to lose Because they're at their first dinner

He's meeting her and he's like nervous And it's like cute and fun And like fucking Meg Ryan's Psychotic fucking private detective Because he is snapping photos of this dude You said it's like You watch old noir You set a private detective out into the wild

You don't know what's gonna come back Absolutely sorry sweetheart I had to kill him It didn't work out see Now Sammy Sammy I want you to get me foodie pictures I want him stuff In his face, looking like a real smile. I got foodie pictures, but then I got some nudie pictures, too. That's why I had to kill him.

He made a move for a knife. I thought it was a piece. I had to drop him. Well, here's your foodie and nudie pictures, and that's it. I'm out of the movie. I'm just here for a sec. Because he never comes back. No, he never goes back.

Which is another, like, loose thread. I want to see more of that. What's going to come of this? I don't, because I don't know what, like, the report even gets. Like, she asks for a private detective, I guess, to find out his ad. Well, she already knows his ad. Yeah, sweetheart. He's a sad loser, all right?

Watched them all week. Real pathetic. You know what? I would have to following this guy around and it seems like he used to be 12 years old yesterday. He made a wish. Fucking strange. Goes to the public market every day and I mean

every day. Oh, and he's hanging out with Robert Loja actually. That's weird. He's actually 12 years old and you're under arrest, sweetheart. Well, no, I think what the deal is she doesn't know the address because what's happening is people are mailing the radio station. The radio station has the address. No, but I think she does this thing where like she's on that and very loud computer.

It's like, she tries to. Oh, that's why the private, because she's like, uh, because, uh, what's the, he's like, oh, Samuel Baldwin. Yes. You know, and then it's like, you know, a bunch of Samuel. Architect. And then, yeah, there's, like, what is this? A rest is where a grand larceny in 1961.

But what is this system where it's like, yeah, there's a bunch of that, but then there's also like all of these people like with their professions. Yeah. And she's like, oh, architect. It's insane. It's like a black and orange thing. word processor looking thing and like just it just any information they want

it's like oh there's like architect lost his wife last year she's in the CIA database or something I don't I don't understand what this is because then this is where she pulls up a thing that's like send a fax form yeah and she's filling it out and this is where she's like

dear private detective agency and what does any of this interface like I know technology was you know a little different but like this is nonsense shit. No, it's great. It's just like plot like fill in the blank. Like we need to have some reason why this makes sense. But I mean, like, could you imagine if your girlfriend or your partner, whoever you are listening at home, I just ran a, like on your second day,

like you know, I ran a background check on you. I was so excited about our date. I ran a quick background check on your credit is pretty poor. To the grave. That's to the grave. Take that shit right there. That's bone chilling. It is. It's terrifying. The kid calls at the restaurant. on two. Oh, yes. Which is really annoying. Fucking awful. I would throw the kid off

the fucking house. Oh, yeah. Out the window into the water. Yep. Swim back, you little bastard. Hey, Jonah, you want to go say hi to mommy?

Shook. Yeah. I mean, you could easily kill a kid easy. Oh, for general, but also in Seattle, right on the water? But he's a widower,

so they'd also take it easy on him in the court, I think, Eric. Oh, big time. Stress and whatnot. I think so. Just do that little cry, cry. You're just like, oh, it's all I had left.

well you know what he's hot and he's Tom Hanks you know innocent all innocent they probably pin a medal on you he oh dude he pins it all on that Gabby Hoffman oh absolutely check her backpack I think there's a gun in there she was always coming around here right now weird hours of the day who knows dude for a second I think he said Abby Hoffman ladies and gentlemen Foss Gump Ladies and gentlemen Jonah Baldwin

so is Sam Baldwin Is he related to the Baldwin's you think Oh Chicago so not Long Island So but he could be a cousin Could be a Chicago cousin My cousin Sam has a stalker He had a lovely wife Samuel Baldwin my cousin

Lived on Archer Avenue in Chicago Until mommy got sick Weird move here by Tom Hanks Which I don't understand So he comes back to the table Because it is kind of funny He's like Jonah let me ask you something right now

Are you bleeding? Are you dying? Is someone in the house killing you right now? Okay, then don't call again. Then I will be doing it when I get hauled because I am going to kill you. You get chucked in the bay. And then he asks for a, he asked for an absolute straight up. And he's got a beer there. And he gives it back.

Yes, dude, what are we doing? If you need the absolute, that means you're like, oh, fuck, I need to like get a little tipsy, Taiwan on. Finish that beer. He gives a full delicious beer back to this waiter. It's on your bill. Oh yeah, I'll take. I'll, I'll dump this, but it's on your bill. Could you wrap this up to go? Oh, yeah. It's on your 1993 bills. So it's $1.75 for that here. Oh, and DeSerona on the Rocks, please. Thank you so much. A magnum of champagne, too, if you don't mind.

A couple round of mudslides. Why not? Let's go all out here. Some Zimas. Yes, Brad Pitt's order from Babylon. So she decides to, she's like, you know what? I got all this private detective information. I'm going to go out to Seattle and end it all. all once and for all. She's like, you know what? And I'm going to figure it. I'm going to, I'll meet him and I'll just purge this thing. I'll probably wind up back with Walter. It'll be just fine. Either he's going to accept me or I'm going to shoot him. Worst case scenario, he kills me. And nobody knows where I am. I'll be famous. Sleepless and Son killed me. And also, I mean, that is just so much better than living with Bill Pullman. I mean, this is he's got sicko. Oh my God. He sneezed again yesterday.

What is with that? He's so disgusting. It's weird. Why does they just die already? Oh my God, he's such a snot. I'm just going to go out there and it'll be our final confrontation. Whatever happens. This is like what the woman that killed Selena said before she killed Selena.

That's what it is. She's got this boiling point over this thing and it's like, lady, I don't even know who you are. Now I'm dead. It's so crazy. She goes. like, I think they're, they're wishing Victoria off to wherever she has to go at the airport. This is when, like, there's a sort of like, and I mean, like, the clever part of the screenplay, obviously is like, they never meet.

You know what I mean? They have like, you know, IMDB says they have two minutes of screen time together or whatever. Sure. It's a, it's a smart way to do this. It's a different way to do a rom-com. But, like, so she comes off and he's like, holy shit, 1993, Meg Ryan. How do you do? Absolutely.

And so he's tried, this is what's weird, though, is like, he's just pursuing this woman through the airport. Like, I don't know, man. I never got into like having to pick people up to places. The cat's away, by the way. You drop your girlfriend off. You're like, hey, Big Ryan, how you do it? I mean, Jesus Christ, give it until you get home and drop the kid off. But no security at the airport in this day and age. Everyone can just walk around, do whatever the fuck they want in there. She, yeah, Victoria's going on some trip. And then he just sees this lady. He's just like, hey, I guess that makes it okay.

Yeah, yeah. Because it's like, I wanted to grab you too. Yes, exactly. It's like, oh, I was, oh, you may. Maybe you hired a private detective to follow me around, but I was stalking you at the airport and you got away. Goodbye, Veronica. Have a nice flight. Do you know her name? Do you happen to have her number? It's a great moment. It's great scene because the hunter becomes the hunted. Table flip there. But yes, this is what she starts, like, nosing around his house.

This is insane. Just walking around right in front of his door. I'm surprised she doesn't try to like jiggle the handle. and fucking get in. She should have broken in and started wearing his clothes. Steal some forks or something. That's the thing. It's like,

it's not even that like, this is insane. What she's doing is insane. Yeah. This is insane. But she's not, she's not, she's not doing anything

interesting with it. Like go inside the house, smell his jockey shorts. Well, that's weird shit. That's a different movie. Again, this movie. It should be this.

Paint a pentagram on the ground. Yes. God damn it. Anything. Must kill all the little biggie. I mean, we did have pork last night. I don't know what the Okay.

Well, I was just coming here. Does Terry live here? No, but the This is Terry's old house. But like, yes, the way, like I do think that it's clever at the end. They just, because you'll forget this part. Because if you're like, oh, I love sleeps in Seattle.

It's so cute. They never meet each other. And then they meet on the top of the Empire State Building. That's great. her doing almost a B&E like ruins the middle of this movie Oh I'm kind of yeah Doing a B&E and then the next day

Going back over and she's like Oh gosh just missed him They're out on the boat I'm just gonna follow him in my car To this empty beach where it's off season She's hiding behind a restaurant Where it clearly says like closed between Labor Day and Memorial Day

That shot is so creepy She looks like the shape It's just like viola masturbating because he's being sweet with his son on a boat like oh fuck he's doing it oh shit oh man they're playing catch with a football oh i bet he misses his wife right now oh fuck i'm gonna come i thought about this so many times at night dad did you hear that or excuse me dad did you hear that the roof was vibrating sounds like one lonely man clapping i don't know what that is Oh, God. And I think actually she, so that's all, that's all on the same day, actually. She's fucking around the house and then they go out on the boat because the next day she goes to the house again. And this is where she almost gets hit by a huge truck and then a car. Oh, my God. She's standing in the middle of the road, staring at Tom Hanks, like, oh, there they are. And then this is where Victor Garber, well, it's just Rita Wilson. It's just Rita Wilson. They're coming for the visit, but Garber isn't there. And so she gives them a big hug and whatever. And so Meg Ryan's like, oh, my God, I'm going to kill her. Oh, my God. I'm going to kill her. Oh, my God.

But then the truck's coming. She's just standing in the middle of the road. She's like, maybe he likes dead women better. Well, his last wife is a ghost. So maybe, you know what? That's how I beat her. That's how I get in her way. So then, like, after she almost gets totally pancaked by two automobiles in the middle of a road,

Tom Hanks goes over and is just like, hello? Yeah. And she's like, hi. And then she goes home. That is fucking twisted. But I guess what could you even say to him at this point? What could you have said to him at any point? Rita Wilson or no.

Rita Wilson, be damned. You can't say shit to this guy because it would be terrifying. I heard you on the radio. Hi. I'm from Baltimore. I mean, the relationship between them

is exactly Travis Bickle and Palantanthine. Thank you, Ryan gets a Mohawk. Do you like crab? Where I'm from, there's lots of crab. You know,

it actually made more sense for Travis Bickle because he actually met him. He was in the cab once. And he didn't have to fucking take a plane to get there either. It's more twisted than taxi driver. He's going to Washington Square Park. It's not that far.

All of that was on Travis Bickle's own dime, too. He wasn't fucking bilking the Baltimore son for these plane tickets. I'll tell you what. If this thing doesn't work out with Annie, Jonah is going to do the end of taxi driver to his father, barber, and Rita Wilson, I'm pretty sure. I think they're all about to get it. Jonah, dude, a little kid with a bloody finger, putting it up to his head like a God, that would be amazing. The big black shades. So would Peter Boyle

would Rosie O'Donnell then be wizard in this scenario? That is the one-to-one. Got it. Understood. I really enjoy this Rita Wilson because the Rita Wilson Garber and Tom Hanks seen at the table

where like, and it actually humanizes the movie in such a way because like it's just like it reminds me of just watching adults talk and just like there's this thing where he's like, do you hear what this kid did on fucking Christmas Eve he calls up this radius and it turns into like

oh this is like a funny story that you would tell it all of a sudden switches from a Nora Efron like script sounding to just like real people talking exactly yeah and it's kind of funny because Rita Wilson's like oh wow because I think at this point the whole like proposition about the Empire State Building

is available is on the table and so she's like Jonah wrote back saying yeah let's Do it. No, no. Yeah, we're going to meet at the Empire State Building. Yeah, hang on, St. Christopher. I'm coming to New York.

Here I go. You're right, because you're right, because Tom Hanks has some line about, like, what do you mean you wrote her back or whatever? And he's like, yeah, I wrote it back before the whole came. Did you forget about the whole dad? And Meg Ryan's like, great, if I don't see you on the Empire State. building, I'm going to jump off of it.

If I don't see you on the Empire State building, I'll see you down on 34th Street. It'll either be an affair to remember or a certain scene from casino. Just some baseball bats and a man named Dominic. Let's just say it'll be a miracle on 34th

Street if either of us survived. I'm going to do a tragedy so bad they'll cancel the Macy's parade. It'll be any day They'll talk about it forever Annie's day Oh my God Oh but the whole

So she's like talking about an affair to remember And she's going through the plot And she starts crying It's very funny It's very funny reader Wilson bit And then this is great And apparently this is all Garber And Hank's improv

They start talking about at the end of the dirty dozen And they're just like kind of fucking Breaking her balls Yeah He's got all these hand grenades. It's just so fucking funny. It is good. It's good. Yeah, it is nice to seeing like some,

a little respite from the fantasy world where this woman isn't a serial killer. But if I was Jonah, I'd fire back. I'd be like, did you know this moron introduced me to his new girlfriend on the second date? Dude, great point. You got a slowboat that shit. Like, you know, we're just going to date.

We're going to date for a little while. Like, it is important that you meet my son. that's a huge part of my life but I'm not going to just invite every fucking woman that I go on two dates with to meet this kid. And that's precisely why, like, when they're at the airport and the kid's like making a big stink or whatever,

he's like, look, I'm not marrying this woman. She's not moving in. I'm just trying to get to know her. Dating is like... I'm getting my back scratch. I'm like, you know what I mean? But he's like, you know, relationships, you try them on and see how they fit

before they get more serious. and I'm like, yeah, precisely, dude, which is why this little kid should not know that this lady exists at all. First, you should try on the fit of a condom before any of this is happening. Try to get your dick sucked first, then introduce them to your kid. Maybe some intimacy

first, you idiot. So it's like, this is the thing. It's coming up on Valentine's Day and he's going to take a trip with Victoria, a fuck trip. Clearly a fuck trip. Oh, yeah. And Jonah has already gone to Abby Hoffman, who's very conveniently her mother works for a travel agency.

Oh, this is just the day SX fucking travel computer system. This is fucking war games. Yes, you're totally right. I mean, if Tom Hanks hasn't gotten laid in a year and a half, like, it's hilarious. Like, he's packing his back. I'll tell you what I'm doing. I'm going to fuck tonight. I'm going to fuck, Jonah.

You don't even know your dad can fuck. And if this was really a year and a half, probably more, probably like two and a half maybe. he would be like he would be on vibrate it's finally happening it's finally happening oh yeah we go oh boy oh man

well he does have some like I seriously think it's like they're not it's not a trip they're just driving to a hotel so they can have sex because he's got some line about like oh yeah what I am going to go to the budget rental hotel you watch me oh dude yeah

fucking $30 a night some leasy hotel some Andre fucking champagne. Totally. Some big bags of Doritos and we're going to have a night of it. Since you said he'd be on vibrate mode, do you think he would like premature this first time back? Oh, absolutely. You've got to do

two tugs before you even start. Absolutely. You got to listen, you're going to get to wherever and then it's like, all right, like before we get down to business, let's go have a nice dinner. Oh, excuse me one second before we go out to the restaurant. I have to use the bathroom in this hotel room. And you fucking jerk off right there. You get one out. That's right. You got to empty the chamber a little bit.

No, he's been seeing his dead wife envisioned. To quote Tom Waits, here's an emotional weather report. This dude is crying at the edge of the bed, no matter what happens. One pump, two, pump three. I can't believe it. Oh, God, what are you going to do? My God is watching and she hates this. You can't fucking do it.

She's a ghost and she sees you touching my peepee. I'm going to jump in the water. Maggie, I'm sorry. What are those? Oh, her beets. How did I bring her beads with me? Why did I, first of all, keep my dead wife's anal beat?

Well, no, I'm saying that will happen if you don't get in there. You got to be like Dexter. Get there early and prepare. Got it. Put plastic all over the floor. And then shoot two loads. And then you're ready to go. Got it.

okay. I'm glad we pulled back the curtain on how to do this right. Look, some people like look for us for guidance occasionally. That's actually very true. We're actually role models of the community. We got to make sure they know. But no, Jonah kidnaps himself, I guess. That's how this is works. I'm telling you, dude, the little shitty kid kidnapped himself. Oh, this is insane. He yells his father of Pinky Toe. He just disappears and leaves.

takes this flight. This kid gets to the airport, man. Well, apparently, and this is another thing where you know, like, holy. How rich are these fucking people, right? Like, Jonah has $80 personally. And then she's got 40 and she's like, well, that'll cover all the cab fare you'll need. And it's like, Jesus, fucking crazy. You guys, you kids have a lot of money.

I don't think I saw 80 bucks until I was like 19 years old. I think it was even older for that for me, yeah. But what was I going to ask about this? Oh, who is, like, how is the plane ticket being, like, someone's credit card has to be getting used here. I guess the mother got burned by that. And it's kind of funny because there's absolutely no, like, and that little son of a bitch made my daughter use my credit card. Which leads me to believe this dude, they're just so rich. It's like, they didn't even know.

Oh, you did. Oh, that's cute. Whatever. No, they have that scene where Tom Hanks finds out about it. Yeah, they go to the house. And the dad is just like, Jennifer. because she used his card. Oh, he is pissed off about the card.

He's like, oh, like he blames her. He's like, you, I'm sorry, Tom Hanks, your insane son. He's not to blame here. It's just, shitty wife. I think he was Jessica, this kid is, this kid is going to be, he is so lucky to get kidnapped, get snatched. I mean, like, dude, I mean.

Especially back then, you could take any kid you want it. Exactly. Seattle to New York. Anything could happen. And it's not like, because just the year before we had a little Kevin McAllister accidentally gone to New York.

I feel like this is just it's a different game for it's a longer flight for one. Oh yeah. True. You know, I don't know. And he's got to take a cab to the Empire State Building. Like, who knows what this kid's going to get into. Yeah. I'm going to meet my new mommy. He says to a cab driver who would be like,

ah. Maybe we take you to the police. Oh, you're going to meet a new mother, huh? Well, I'm the bone collector. And you can't leave my Cam. Ain't much better in here, kid. Yes, excellent. That guy, it should have been that guy. But yeah, Tom Hanks is like, holy shit.

He jumps on a plane too. Meg Ryan, like, has, like, she had her blow up in fucking, what do you call it there in Seattle? So she's like, you know what? I'm committing to Bill Pullman. I'm going to settle for fucking 1993 Bill Palman. Okay. And, you know, they go, they, he gives her an engagement ring, which I would have a thought he already gave her. but sure, it happens here.

I guess it's weird. They get engaged, I guess, without a ring. Sure. And I guess he didn't tell her that he's getting his mother's, like his dead mother's ring resized for her. That's where he presents it to her here in Nye City. There's this weird thing where they're trying to, they kind of try to make Bill Pullman out to be like a greedy shit

because he's like, well, they're like, oh, we can go to New York City and you know what we could do? Register at all the nice places on Fifth Avenue. Well, is that a great, I don't know. That's just like a rich person thing to do. But yeah, exactly. But that's what they're acting because she's like all like, oh, we can have a romantic trip and everything.

And he's like, money. I could get something out of it. It's funny, but they are connecting here because then they're like picking out the same things. He's like, oh my God, that looks just like my, my grandmother's China. And we selected that. That's amazing. So it does seem like, because she's like put this out of her mind barely, I guess, because it leeches back in that she needs to fucking leave his ass that.

and run into the fucking empire. You know what she needs to do is just be like, listen, I know this is really ridiculous, but I have this weird fetish for widowers who have small sons. Could you just say you put the kid to bed? What? Just say, you just put him to bed.

Just say you put him to bed and that I'm dead. I thought we talked about this. We're not having kids. No, no, no, no, no, you put the kid to bed. Just say, no, no, no, no, it's not a real kid. I'm not saying I want one with you. I'm just saying, just say, put the kid to bed. Say you put him to bed and that I got really.

really sick and die. Oh my God. You know what? I'm going to hold a tombstone while you do all this. Do you know how to cry on command? Is that something you can do as a person? Walter, would you be against changing your name to Sam? Samuel.

Doesn't that sound nice? Why don't we take the last name Baldwin? Just start fresh. Annie Baldwin. Did you guys notice they totally ape the World Trade Center shot from Home Alone 2 here. Because when the kid gets to the observation deck, all you're missing is the saxophone Christmas music

because it's a total copter shop that pulls him away from Empire. And I was like, well, someone saw fucking Home Alone 2 last year, I guess. Also, three hours into this little miscreant asking every woman on this thing, what's your name? Yep. What's your name? Are you, Annie? Are you, Annie?

Are you my new mother? I don't know. Are you froggy? from the little rascals. Take care of me, please. I like, no. Wipe my ass. I mean, like, I don't know, man.

Like, at a certain point, like, after the third woman, one of those women would be like, and where's your father? Where's your parents? Oh, hey. Someone is going to ask this question, and then there's going to get a security guard involved, and he's going somewhere hopefully not.

Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, no, I'm sorry. Did you say you were looking for Annie? Yeah, hi. I have her in my van. If you should want to come, come on down. buddy, little buddy. I got Eddie right in my van.

She's waiting for you. Oh, your last name's Poltwit. My last name's Maxwell. And you know what? There's a fancy limousine downstairs. All our friends are down there. And he's there. And there's a bunch of candy.

What's your favorite food? Ronald McDonald's there too. Why does your van have a spray painted sign on it that says the end is not? It doesn't matter. Just get in. in there. Could you help me with this couch? Annie's in there. She was an American girl.

Oh, man. And so we're at the Rainbow Room. And then this is, and she just kind of come, they cut away from it. Like, she starts saying it. And to, as opposed to being like, and I'm fucking crazy. They cut away to like, Jonah like doing the Where's Annie bit. And they comes

back and he's like, well, that's a lot to deal with. You know, I love you. But let's leave that out of this. I love you very much. What about all of the plans we had? What about this fucking you couldn't have told me that you're breaking up with me on Valentine's Night in the Rainbow Room. Right. Yes, exactly. And we've been living together for a long time and we've been engaged for a while. It's unhinged. But he, I think his face here is reading like, who I am dodging a bullet on this. Yeah. Because like at the end of it, it's, you know, he has received the laundry list of all the stalker shit

and he's like okay you know what totally fine I'm gonna go down to a bar look like Bill Pullman and we'll see what happens I'm sure he'll do just I can afford a dinner

at the Rainbow Room in 1993 when it was still an actual institution yeah I'll go find some fucking date for Valentine's absolutely I'll finish your champagne you go you go you go oh no he's because he does say like he could be there right now

he's waiting for you like go ahead You know, and I noticed there was a Wendy's downstairs, I could just go back to my place. Yeah, I'll just take the Wendy's back to the Plaza Hotel and pig out. Because I was, I was going to shell out for the Rainbow Room because I was about to engage. I was about getting married here. I will have a spicy chicken. Oh, I guess just normal chicken at the time. One of the best bathroom experiences my life at the Rainbow Room.

Oh, really? I always say Wendy's. Some of them are sparkling, Eric. shitting my heart out of the Wendy's. No, one time I went to, there was like a weird like Halloween party at the Rainbow Room and I went and the bathroom

you walk in and all the urinals had like porthole windows at looking out into New York. Oh, that's cool. So you're just at this nice old school, big ceramic like, you know, touch on the floor urinal. Big honker one, yeah.

And you're just like taking a leak out of the world. Dude, it was awesome. That's amazing. I was dressed as a blues brother. The whole thing was fantastic. I was like, you got to dress as an NBC property. If you're going there. That's still around, eh?

I think it kind of like clunks around here and there. Like maybe sometimes they try to reopen and then it closes again. I don't know what the status is. It's kind of like the Russian tea room in that way where you're like, is that open for business right now? Right. Or, yeah. Isn't it just a museum now? Well, sometimes it's been closed for 10 years and then other times it's open for dinner.

You know. Bad food, by the way. I'm sure. We only open for Bruce Dern's birthday. It's easy. The old friend, we just do it for him. Hey, man, I love getting fucking stone and taking a leak on the world, you know? 91 years old, open up.

Hot Pish in the shit is time. Hot Pish and, oh, hi, Laura. Happy birthday, Dad. So she goes there and, like, she has to, like, run out of the cab and the whole thing. And right before she gets there, Tom Hanks, finally gets to his son. and like he's weeping, it's very emotionally. I am so shocked you're not in pieces right now. I really, I was preparing your funeral.

I was writing your eulogy on the plane, actually. You know what? You're still going to have to use it because once you find him, you're going to have to kill him anyway. You have to. I mean, have you dressed again. I already called the gravekeeper to get him started on the hole next to your mother. All right.

You know what? I actually think, yep, I think I think I could throw you over the barrier. Right down real quick. Chris, it's funny you mentioned that. I honestly thought. Andy was going to show up, grab Jonah and Huck him over the side. That's how you thought this movie was going to have? Yes, because it's like this crazy

woman that's like, I need to leave a mark on his life, another scar. Where we got to start fresh. You've got to have a good batch, honey. This is the old crap. We're going to have a new baby. A new. He's going to put a baby in me. New model baby. He leaves behind his teddy bear,

you see. The whole backpack, dude. That's a real see something says him. He's the part. You throw away. I wish I could participate more in this bit But I'm pretty sure I've listened to like one Tom Waitz out Hey dad, are we going to Uncle Vernon Oh dude, this kid would be doing a cemetery poker That's for sure

We're all leaving together Let's clap hand Clap hand And hey did your Does your family make a fortune to World War II? That's part of the cemetery definitely. It's been a long time since I've listened to that album. It's a great one. But yeah, so like he

he's like, oh my God, we'll get a dog. You know, we'll just, we're doing he does the thing like, we're doing okay, right? We're doing. I would strangle this little thing. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right there. Yeah. Dead forever. You know, he's a little sad boy. Yeah, you know, we're doing all right. I love Meg Ryan like getting there while they're coming down the elevator. And this security guard is like, sorry, ma'am.

Observation decks closed for the night. And she's like, oh, well, Oh, you know, I'm sorry, but I was supposed to meet somebody up there. And if I don't go see if he's there, I'm going to regret it. And this dude is just like, ah, you're one of those in a fair to remembers, huh? Oh, yeah. We get about five, six of you a week. Valentine's Day, there's a lot of years coming up. So, all right, get up there.

You know, the prettiest one I've ever seen, that's for sure. Usually a lot of Uggos. Do people do that now for a sleepless in Seattle? Oh, you know, we close the doubt. Oh, you're one of those sleepless in Seattle psychos. Yeah, totally could be psychos. But the thing that they neglect to tell you, like, part of this whole fucking thing is, like, to ride up there to the observation deck, it's like fucking 30 bucks. Like, they charge you up there.

She's got it. Well, yeah, the newspaper's paying for it. She wrote her a fucking traveler check. Or she gave the engagement ring to this dude. Well, it looks just like the one I gave my dead way. Oh, thank you. I would just love it if he just got the movie completely wrong. If she's like, I have to me.

you might. I have to. Blue velvet. My wife's favorite movie. Yeah, go up there. Don't take your clothes off until you're fully up there. Then you can wander around like Isabella Rosalina. Do you have the little mask? Do you have a witness to the little mask? Yeah, you might want to check. There could be a little teenage pervert in the closet watching you there. I just happened to have a past blue ribbon. She is kind of a Frank booth because Annie wants to fuck. Annie wants to fun. Annie does what a fuck, dude. And Annie, I got to say, I mean, I don't know what the situation is here because Tom Hanks clearly rushing to the city, not really probably thinking about getting a hotel room. They can't stay with Bill Palman. What, I mean, you know, that is the weird thing about this

movie is that, you know, they see each other. Oh, hi. Annie. Oh, hi. And then they all like nicely walk into the elevator. But like, that's the end of the movie. I, and I know I complain about this a lot, but for this movie and what this story is, I need a fucking next Christmas or next Valentine's Day. I think because it's 93, we probably still have some basket case

as time square. Yes. Flop house hotels you can stay in. Totally right. You just head towards, you know, head west, go towards the river. Find a nice, you know, 20 bucks a night. 20 bucks an hour. Both of you could stay for 20 bucks an hour. The kids extra though, if you're going to be doing that.

And if Balal comes and just let him bite you. It's just, it's got to be fine. It's a little bit of history. Abel Ferrar has shot some horse right here. Well, if Annie and Bilal shared a movie, I mean, the bass in case would refer to Annie. Yeah, that's actually true. Bilal will be like, I don't know, fly to Seattle sounds pretty nuts to me. You're crazy, lady.

Calm down. I don't know, weird twin brother or mine. This lady's nuts. but yes they in the movie like gets you because you're like oh no they're just missing each other one more time but then he forgets the teddy bear

he comes back and like they don't I mean it's a nice ending again like bullet points this movie is really sweet and nice yeah the nitty gritty not so much no once you pay attention to it it's all at the window I mean if you look right at it

yeah exactly the dark underbelly he says you're Annie and I just imagine him then doing like the mask Oh, that's the fucking eyes bugging out. He starts singing Cuban Pete for some reason. And that's the end of this movie. Little dumb cartoon outro, which is one of the worst things I've ever seen.

Dude, animated Empire State Building screensaver. The movie goes from Chicago to Baltimore to D.C. for a second, to Seattle, to New York, to stupid city. Yep. It gets the last stop. This CGI thing, it's an early CGI, right? It has to. It looks like a computer. animated thing. It looks like a

it looks like a building you could crash into in 1995's Microsoft flight simulator. It's so terrible. It takes you right out of everything because it's such this beautiful little ending. Yeah. We're trying to do these like cartoon stars like just cut to that shit. This building thing is

dreadful. Well yeah, I'm trying to imagine fucking Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan going over the plaza getting one room for Jonah and one room for them to fuck for exactly a week. And then this is being bothered by this fucking like CGI piece of shit. No, you know what they give they give Joe, they make Jonah sleep

with Walter Bill Pullman. Oh yeah. Not sexually in the same. No, no, no. That's what it is dude, right? Is the kid Jonah gets Bill Pullman's bed at his hotel room and Bill Paulman is to sleep in the bathtub. Yes. No, but you know what's going to happen? And this is their first time together emotional weather report. They're both

crying at the edge of the bed. He's like, I can't believe she's fucking God. And she's like, you're too good for me. I And then, like, when they, when they settle down or whatever, you know, one day she's going to leave the gas on or something to try to bring us all to an end. It would be funny if they're like cry fucking or whatever at the edge of the bed. And then it's just like Jonah and Bill Pullman going to see Jurassic Park in the theaters. I don't know. Kid, you want to hang out? I can't believe I'm using my tears is Lou.

Oh, you brought mom's beads. Eight ball corner pocket. Oh, that is the end of this movie. Would anybody recommend it? Chris Cabin? You know, if you haven't seen it, I would say watch it just because of how it was just, it was a phenomenon.

When it came out, it was human, you couldn't escape it. Everything was referencing it. It was crazy. So, yeah, if you, I mean, revisiting wise, I don't think so. Like Steve said, it is a sweet movie. like if you're just looking for something nice to watch, you know, that's, that's fine.

But like, as I said, once it comes into full relief, you're like, what the fuck is this? And what am I supposed to believe? Okay. So, yeah, you know, light recommend. Eric Siska. Yeah, no, I agree with the light recommend. I think it is a sweet movie. It's a nice movie.

It's got its moments. They're both affable. I mean, there's great comedy moments. There's stuff to it, but like the nitty gritty, like we say is not so nice. That's nice I mean I was cozy from the TriStar logo man It's a cozy movie

And that's a When that fucking Pegasus Or whatever the fuck star unicorn comes at you Like I'm having a good time I think it is a Pegasus I kind of always wonder though Because like obviously that's a horse actor Sure yeah

You think so? It's not animated No yeah I think it's a real horse It's two guys in a suit Well the fucking best of those Halloween costumes ever. Yeah, we lost Don and Frank, the two sides of the TriStar Pegasus.

Well, because, you know, like, everybody knows about, like, Leo the Lion, the MGM guy. Sure. What happened to that horse? I want to know, you know, is there some story about, you know? Oh, well, I know, obviously. Glue factory, my friend. Yeah, totally. I want to know, did I use the

TriStar horse on like a fourth grade science project? Possibly. It's all on Popsicle sticks now. That's where a good old TriStar is. It's made a really sad looking turkey one year. it's you remember

that's what is oh yeah absolutely yeah they were all sad looking no but it's a strong recommend again the cast is

wall to wall stacked everyone's really fun I do think effron's got a great ear for dialogue sometimes it gets a little overwritten

and snappy snap but sometimes it's really fucking funny and a lot of this movie is really fucking funny yeah it's sweet it's just insane

and we had a lot of fun with it so if you love this movie continue to do so yes yes we were just we're just having

fun folks yeah I mean please literally listen to what we're saying. Do not try this at home. We are professionals on a closed course. I know I like this movie. I don't love this. We hadn't

seen it in fucking ages. So it was nice to revisit. It is very sweet. Stacked as Hellcast. I do prefer this to you've got males. I agree. It's like four hours shorter too. That's nice. Much less Dave Chappelle in this movie

too. Yeah, I don't know. It's sweet. The kid's a little weirdo and you know, whatever. But that's with any of these movies. But yeah, again, don't look too closely under the glass but at the same time that is kind of fun too it's fun watching these 90s rom-coms and people are crazy and whatever

and hey holy shit Victor Garber camera yeah oh dude my guy I'll also say if you haven't seen it and a fair to remember with Deborah Kerr and fucking Carrie Grant fabulous film maybe make that your Valentine's Day watching and then follow it up with Invisible Child with that's right oh no darling I lost my

anal beads They were made of pure jade. We have to find the jade anal beads before the night is through. That sounds like an awesome movie. I'd watch that. Absolutely. Maybe I have. Okay.

So that is going to do it for Sleepless in Seattle, directed, of course, by the late great Nora Ephron. If you want more We Hate Movies, check out patreon.com slash we hate movies. We got a We Love Movies episode up there right now on the big Lebowski. Yes. And there's a ton of other episodes.

Yeah. Try to unlock that one. You unlock them all. Like, for instance, we did a few W-HM episodes on that Patreon feed, including Forrest Gump a few years ago. Oh, sure.

Nice on that feed. So we got that going on. Of course, your nexus is going to happen. Yeah, we're talking about S movies, sleepless in Seattle on once in a lifetime. We've got sleepwalking in suburbia. Absolutely. That sounds like a calling in.

Oh, this is sleepwalking in suburbia. Go ahead. Yeah, I was sleepwalking and I fucked my neighbor and got pregnant. Like just immediately. Folks at home, that movie is insane and we had a lot of fun talking about it. I believe it's available now on Patreon. Indeed. Absolutely is.

You got gargoyles showing up on the animation damnation. I know, absolutely. And we're talking about Domona and Macbeth. There's the reason I've watched it again yet, but the reason I picked it is this dude Macbeth who's a bad guy is just somebody doing a bad shot. Connery impression. Many kind of rules. That's amazing. Yeah, the cartoon gargoyer's

got me dead to rights. I am a fucking asshole villain, yeah. I am the last Macbeth. Speaking of regal bad guys from the UK, we got Christopher Lee's Count Duku on the Leap Glossary. We'll be talking about Count Duku.

Hell yeah. And every player in the Star Wars universe. Oh, yes. Every single Monday, including next Monday, if you want to find out what our listener request month selections will be. You want to tune in to YouTube.com slash we hate movies at about noon Eastern standard time where we do on screen live. It's a great show.

We're talking box office numbers. We're making fun of new trailers like Mafia Mama starring Tony Gillette. We're talking about shit we see in theaters. You can watch all the ones we've already done. You know, you have to click live. There's a little button. You can watch all the archived live streams there for some reason. They kind of moved it out of video. I don't know what they're doing. It's no fucking sense. Thanks, YouTube. But yeah, they're all there.

They're all housed. So you got to watch those either in the replay, indefinitely, or it's fun to join the chat and watch live YouTube.com slash we hate movies. Now, Steve, February is rolling on. I think there's one more Tuesday. It's a short month. There's two more Tuesday. Two, two, two more Tuesdays.

That's right. Or at least next Tuesday, what are we talking about? Two, two, two, two. No, actually, it's a oneer. It's the first. And the romance continues on We Hate Movies. It's My Bloody Valentine from 1981. Oh, yes.

This is, I can say right now, it's a total recommend for me. Tom Atkins. Oh, yes. It's a kind of a soft WLM. We like to do that on this feed too. And it's a fun horror classic that we'll try to mine for comedy. Oh, well, I love that.

I mean, there's, I can't do anything better than that right now. So until next week with My Bloody Valentine. I'm Andrew Juppin. and say that. Eric's Cisco, Chris Cabin. Take it easy and happy Valentine's Day. That was a hate gum podcast.