We Hate Movies - S13 Ep660: My Bloody Valentine (1981)

Episode Date: February 21, 2023

On this week’s episode, the guys keep the Valentine’s celebration going with an unofficial WLM all about 1981’s My Bloody Valentine! How incredible is that Hollis fella? Was the town really going to fold if they didn’t have that Valentine’s Day dance? Couldn’t the kids have just brought packs of hot dogs to the town bar instead of the mining office’s commissary? How disorganized was that mental hospital? Does the neon lighting cheapen Valentine Bluffs’ town welcome sign? And did playing the video game Pong fuel Mark David Chapman’s night of terror back in 1980? PLUS: At least 15 minutes spent throughout the episode talking about, you guessed it, hot dogs! My Bloody Valentine stars Paul Kelman, Lori Hallier, Neil Affleck, Alf Humphreys, Cynthia Dale, Helene Udy, Don Francks, Patricia Hamilton, Larry Reynolds, and Keith Knight as Hollis; directed by George Mihalka. Check out the WHM Merch Store featuring new Grab-Ass & Cancer, SW Crispy Critters, MINGO! & WHAT IF Donna? designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

this week on the program strap on your hard hats and get ready to replace that laundromat dryer because this episode we're talking my bloody valentine i'm andrew valentine i'm stephen zadack my bloody ciska kevin shields oh shit wrong my bloody valentine no yeah chris cabin and we hate movies good bay yes sir Hello, everyone, welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. We're talking about 1981's, my bloody Valentine directed by George, George Mahalca. Now this fella, a lot of TV, couple of made for TV movies here and there throughout the career, but 14 episodes directing MTV's undressed. Oh, wow. Yeah. That took me back. Wait, so that was like a mid-aught show where they were sort of undressed. We're talking late 90s. It was after the watershed hour, so it was a little racy, but not terribly. You were seeing bras and underwear. You weren't seeing, but, you know, it was just more like frank discussions of sexual. Wow. It's very erotic. I will say I love this guy's name. It's the last name here. It is one of those names that sounds like a dance only the Adam's family does. Yep. Totally. We dance the Mahalka for Jack the Ripper.

And by the way, folks, it's okay to like a movie. I actually like this movie quite a bit. I like this movie. I like this for fucking four stars on letter buttons. Everybody stop. Got it's got to let everyone know Because people, you know I mean, this is apparently Apparently Quentin Tino's favorite slasher movie Really? He's crazy.

Wow, stunning lack of feet in this movie. I know, I know. You could find me some slashes with some tutsies. I mean, that's That is one thing. You would think there have to be more, but like I also, I mean, I get the hit against this. It's just like, okay, Halloween was good. What's the other holidays we go out here?

I mean even down to the dates That really The date count down to the holiday That's a real steel You'll never survive Tax Day Oh dude I'd barely do every year My fucking asshole wishes

I would stop surviving tax day If you die in the woods Does anyone hear Wait If you hit the ground in the woods Does it make a sound I mean I don't Arbor Day

Arbor Day I saw you go Sure You're still gonna have to go to work on election day well the purge election day the whole year was the election year so was that like you were on the campaign trail

with those people purging it up I am totally burned because I didn't the night election night 2016 I was like you know what I'm not doing the whole fucking the whole CNN bullshit or whatever you know MSNBC to watch the watch the tally's yep let's do something

than funny like all programming because Hillary's got this wrapped up everybody. I think you caused this. I did and I watched Purge election year and then everyone's like

my phone is being lit on fire with everyone being like should we move? You know this movie this OG which I rated four stars on letterboxed

I cannot you know sometimes don't don't judge a podcast by its iTunes description. Let me ask you something. Did you see the uncut version? I saw whatever was on HBO. Yeah.

So they, the, the, the, the, it's an extra three minutes and I have never in my life seen somebody put the minutes where they count. Oh,

really? This is all making sure, like there are little deaths in this. If you watch the HBO Max version, their deaths, you're like, well, I mean,

it kind of cuts when it's about to get good. Like that couple fucking, uh, down in the mind. That one, that's a rip off death from Friday the 13th. That's what, but like you get much more of, even the opening death, you get much more. You get way, way more of the crusty old lady in the laundromat. No, the late, well, you get a little bit more of her, but you get more of the girl in the shower. Oh, yeah. You get the whole fucking thing. Oh, wow. That's yeah. Which is interesting though, because I, when we get to it, you know, we'll talk about it more. But I think that's such a really well done and cool reveal. That one works the best in the theatrical cut, I think.

think the also the guy um the bartender you better watch out oh god all the bartender he also gets a more extended and like honestly that would have been if i had seen that version first off because when i first saw this i was just like halloween rip off like it's fine but like it's just the same damn thing uh this like the adding of the score really bumped this up for me interesting that's what i'm looking for in these fucking movies well i mean you like them Uncut. That's okay. Damn right. This reminds me very much of the prowler In a lot of ways. One, because the guy is in a similar kind

of costume for and it is about these like I mean like The prowlers has better kills for sure and is Much more invented with the Tom Savini makeup effect. But for this little, it's kind of a little movie that could in that way. I like the even though even my watered down version that Chris Cabin wouldn't wipe his ass with. I would wipe my ass with. Okay good. Thank God. He just wouldn't piss it out if it was on fire. That's a difference.

No, no. I mean, even that, I was like, oh, wow, these kills are fun. You know what I mean? I'm like, it does give me what I want. And I actually kind of like, I love the location. Like, there is a word. I would watch the Deer Hunter-esque movie without the slasher in it of this, like, a little mining town and whatever T.J. Sarah and Axel are going to do.

T.J.'s fucking broken journey out west and falling on his ass. You're just pining for October sky. Here's the thing with Teague and his his ill-fated time out West that we don't hear too much about. This guy going gay for pay? I think it was a real washout. At least once to get back. Yes, it was like the Mark Wahlberg in the Burger King parking lot, the third act of boogey nights. And it was, you know, 1981, they had that bumper sticker, you know, it's no free rides, ass, gas or grass.

Or hand job. And you know, but you know, but they fucking enforced it back. back in the day they didn't have grass or gas you're giving this I don't even know what this guy's deal we find out TJ like in very various like you know

exposition that TJ went out to California and it just really didn't go well it didn't go so well so much that he didn't even call his girlfriend didn't call anybody and whatever he's asked to I was like I can't talk about it it was so bad out there like what did he what did he want what did he

expect did he like did he like try out for like a good time or for uh good times the show yes you just walk up to good times like try to get out of norman lear show and it just didn't happen norman lear took a piss on this kid like what happened it's something bad it's something so bad that the movie was like wow that's a really bad reason we can't bring that up i'm thinking he probably was helping just plan you know he didn't maybe didn't execute he was helping planning the shooting of ronald ragan okay just you know getting in on the ground floor trying to help people out find their way. That seems like a

worthy pursuit then, you know, and they almost got it done. Well, they sort of got it done. They got it done. It's not fatal. Shitty aim. Yeah, I do like this opening shot. The opening shot itself, dude, you're you start your entire movie with a Dutch angle. You mean business. This is like the cameras on the ground tilted. We're watching all these miners huffing and puffing out of the caves, like some

working man documentary. is that after the sex is first oh the sex is the oh yes like the little sex mind it's like this minor goes down there with a pretty lady and it's all getting hot and heavy

and then the kill happens it's you're saying this is extended well this is extended you get to see the thing coming out of her heart the pickax comes out of her chest and they did the makeup like they actually are wasting makeup footage by not putting it in there but Eric I thought

you would be very happy this man you know he's he's in his get up for the mine. Oh yeah. What does he not do unlike Boba Fett? He doesn't take his helmet off? He doesn't take his helmet off. For sex or anything else, I say. I love it. By the way, there's a whole kind of like the POV shots of him walking around later in the film. Kind of a Darth Vader thing too, which is nice. Big time. Yeah. I would just say, Darth Vader getting late

finally. Exactly. I didn't take it out for air. Well, actually, I did. It's very stuffy in this thing. His cock got burned completely off, I believe. Oh, right. Yeah. probably right. I bet they could do like a, can you, Star Wars tech, you should be able to like make a you know, like a droid dick that's a trash your body down there. Dude, if you can do

the hand. Yeah, the hand, right? And he can actually feel it. Yes. You think you can actually, like maybe it wouldn't be as many nerve endings. Bionic dick, dude, absolutely. Like you have a dick, but it feels like your hand. Like it's not as stimulating. I got to tell you, Darth. The ladies, they prefer

the latex, not just the cold metal thing. I got to tell. It's just in general, you know. I know the look is more imposing. They have fake flesh. You're right. Luke gets that fucking art. What the fuck is Vader's just an asshole. No, it's a real dick or bust. He'd rather live dickless than everything. They could probably

rebuild his entire body. I mean, the guy's got all the money in the galaxy anyway. This mask. And this mask, you think that like he's not taken off because it's a killer. Of course he's. Yeah, sure. But I say it's twofold. Because clearly, as soon as you take off

that fucking man, you're in the mind. You're in the mine. He's like, well, okay, time to get done. I mean, mine sex, not on my bucket list. Absolutely. It's on mine. Really? But the other kind where it's a guy with white face makeup that doesn't say a word. Oh, my. I thought you were going to put explosives under your bed and roll over and certain portions of it. Like maybe the outfit is cool, but let's just go to a hotel room. How about that? Instead of like breathing in methane while I'm trying to fuck. And I will say I was correct looking in my notes because it's a bad edit.

This movie starts with the miners going in and out of the tunnel. The credits are all playing over it because there's like special guest appearance by whoever the fuck as the sheriff or whatever, which that dude speaking of star was did the voice of Boba Fett in the holiday special. But then it is just like a bad cut, a great, great voice performance. but then it is a bad cut to like this dude and a babe in the mine and you're like well what is everybody off dude what is happening that was just credits footage you're just like i don't know it's a mining movie and we're supposed to believe that the killer who turns out to be axel is he he goes nuts because of the tattoo is that the idea that she's got a heart-shaped tattoo or was he always planning on killing this lady anyway oh always is okay yeah is this unrelated is this is this harry warden a year later this is this the first heart that he sent Okay, so this is the year later. Yes. I mean, every murderer likes an appetif.

This is nice. So this is just to get it started. Yeah, yeah. Just a little nice thing. But no one of finds this girl, by the way. He's known for Dagen Tonnells getting in there. You know, get the, you know, he's got the little light on his hat. Yeah.

Steve, you're right, though. No one asks word one about this girl. My guess is she's a sex worker question mark. Yes. You never find anything else about her. like what is she and who else in the world would be like oh cool sex and a mind i mean well actually there's plenty of women later in the film that are really into that they are totally you're totally right but also to your point going the other way she goes to take off the mask and he's like oh oh oh

so then she's like all right what the fuck do i have to work with here and she starts like stroking the hose part of it and you're just like oh man i could only take off the mask if i throw my boss down a shaft and then my son, I need my son to help me take this mask off. Then I need a little electrocution to get me going. Yes, he impels her on a pickax. He gets her right on the heart tattoo, though. That's got a good. Incredible.

Yeah, great aim. Exquisite stuff. And the town isn't disarray because how they killed the one prostitute now. We're going to have to start busting them in, boys. The economy is a great question. It's almost a great place to start because the mayor in this. movie is not unlike the mayor of Jaws. And it's like, in Jaws,

it's like, we don't want to close the beaches. My God, the economy will fucking fold. You know what I mean? And that's kind of the way he's acting with this Valentine dance. It is such a reasonable request. Hey man. I get, shit got fucked up on Valentine's Day for me. Can you not

do that? Just okay. He on. He only kills the two people who were literally the reason he was, he died. He was very reasonable. I say, look, was a little theatrical pulling the heart out in front of the kids, sure. But like, you know what? He kind of just, the guy

was eating a fucking arm when you found him. Incredible detail in the flashback of like, the mind caved in. Where's Harry? What's amazing too, it's just like, it took a week to dig him out and it's like he instantly resorted to care. I mean, instantly. A week,

I think I can last a week. Yeah, it's probably fair. I mean, I do love that, yeah, but like what, so what? Like, okay, so I guess the meat would go bad. See, now I'm doing it. Now I'm doing the lunch. I better eat now because this corpse is going to spoil and then I'm definitely starving if they don't find me.

He doesn't have a granola in his pockets, Eric. He's going to get hungry pretty quick. I am hung up on the idea, Eric, that you would be struggling to live at all. Wouldn't you just embrace the blackness? Probably, but I might eat some of those canaries first. Oh, yeah. Okay. Bite size, dude.

Just like pour them in a pool of oil while they're alive, you know. You just drown and then you fry it up like, Hannibal. But then you got to put a cloth over here to hide your shame from God while you eat the hole. Oh, yeah. How am I going to do an orderla bunting in here? All right, put a shroud. Oh, fuck, that's a rock.

But the economy, though, like, what? So, like, the drugstore from the shitty candies that they're going to sell. And, like, you can easily cancel Valentine's Day. I mean, am I understanding, right? This is the first Valentine's Day dance in

20 years. 20 years, right? Uh, we do get the subtitle, Chris, like you mentioned Thursday, February 12th. Yeah, we're taking a 48 hours in advance here. We do even get a Friday 13th. This movie. This movie's got it all. It's fantastic. Um, he, yeah, so we meet all of our minor friends.

They're, and again, they're of age, but they, you know, they work in the mind. M-I-N-E-R. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's actually a good question, Eric, because these guys, I mean, like, they act like high school students. They do act like high school students.

Yeah. Like, they're getting wasted. and stuff. That's something that people do of all ages. I'm getting wasted right now. Yes. But like later on they're like, yeah, they are acting like they're in high school. Like, oh, the girls are going to be here later.

Well, this is the thing, man. Like, you went to high school and you had all them shenanigans, right? Drinking, you know, getting chased by the sheriff, you know, playing around with girls and whatnot, all those sweet nothings. And then you graduated high school and just went working in the mind. Sure. Yeah.

you will take all of those activities with you because the whole town is working in the mind. There's no reason to experience anything else, man. It's the town. It's the VFW hall where you're drinking. This is why T.J. left. Yes, absolutely. Precisely wanted something bigger. And this is the other side of it.

Do you want it to literally be like October Sky and just be like, oh, everybody's dying from lung rot? So, yeah, and Jake Gyllenhaal doesn't want to die from lung rot. Well, the lung rot, like, yeah, I totally get that. But the idea of like, hey, man, you know, when it's 5 o'clock on Friday, yabba-dabadoo, we're all going and having beers. I don't know. There's something that collegial atmosphere. Again, that's a movie I want to watch is whatever it is and who's, you know, who's going to marry whomever. Like, you know, I love that horse shit.

Totally. It just, yeah, like deer hunter just without all the pesky Vietnam. I think you're right. I think it's time for a limited series version of My Bloody Vound. Trudder, you should figure this out right now. It's going to happen because they got Crystal Lake coming up. We got, we're knee deep into Chucky

already, right? Two seasons worth. Wait for Haddonfield. Oh, Christ. I just, I mean, that's the thing. Dr. Loomis begins, man. There was also Castle Rock, which I think is a good show, by the way, two seasons. It's not bad show. I watched the first season I liked it and then I was like, I'm okay. I just, long form horror

I'm still not sure if I'm on board for. That's fair. That's similarly why I'm not watching Last of Us. I just like, you know what I mean? Like, if you sold me a fucking zombie movie, I'll watch a zombie movie. I'm not watching 30 hours of zombie content. Like I said, I think the first like four or five seasons of whatever up to fucking Nagan in Walking Dead, pretty strong stuff. As far as you're going to do that kind of show.

But again, I don't need a second trip around the sun. No, you did not be that. It would be incredible if you were like, okay, here we go. My bloody Valentine limited series. Like this fall, we're going back to. Valentine Bluffs. Right? Yeah.

But it's like eight episodes of just our not Vietnam townie drama. Yeah. And then only the last two does anything even remotely horrific start happening. Oh, you mean, a lot of nothing and then two episodes that matter. It sounds like all television. Oh, man, Chris Cabin coming in hot. That's just, I mean. That's what we're at.

I mean, it is. I just get like, but it also like it's all this town has to enter Valentine Bluffs. Valentine Bluffs, you come in, you know, you usually have the normal sign, just a painting by some idiot. Here is the mountains of Valentine Clubs. Yes. It's like you're putting all like municipalities across the world on fire. I am. I'm just pissed off now because John Carroll Lynch and Fargo's like, hey, I painted that.

If it's him, it's fine. Okay, you hate signs in towns, especially if they have paintings on them or whatever. These guys, they figured it out. You know what they did? They have essentially a motel. sign. They have this flashing heart to open the fucking. Like, imagine, wouldn't you just be like, oh, so it's a motel here?

So here, I'm going to go get a thing of gin and go fuck my lady. They're trying to trick people to visit the town. Because again, like, unlike Halloween happened, and obviously a huge deal, like, oh, man, and, you know, obviously Black Christmas before it's like these are, the holiday slasher is established. Yeah. And I guess this one, like, because, yeah, it's cool that it's named Haddenfield and like Halloween Hollow or something, you know what I mean?

Like, it'd be kind of cool to get a little bit away from the Valentine's thing. The radio station we're listening to is WQPID. Yeah, that sucks really hard. I think, like, I just rewatch the remake, too, from 09. And I'm pretty sure it's not called Valentine Bluffs or whatever. Is that what it is? Am I just? No, it's Hartville.

Yeah, I mean, anything like that. Yeah, Black Christmas, the college campus is located at Christmastown. Exactly. It doesn't mean. It's not exactly. great. I mean, I, but I do love, I love the setting. I love this fucking Canadian shithole that we're in. Is it supposed to be Canada or are we hiding that fact or? Is it? I think it's vague. I think it's supposed to be like, if you're in Canada, it's Canada. If you're in America,

it's America. There are a few Surries that, that. Oh, my God. Oh, you. There's a thousand. No, I think like, it's, it's so hardcore Canadian that the remake is a, you know, technically a remake of a foreign film because it is they don't specify so I think it's like whatever I just saw a guy with a Pittsburgh Steelers shirt on and you know what yes one I think TJ

or maybe it's Axel one of these awesomely named dudes does there is a Steelers shirt well you know what though I saw a teenager today on the subway system Minnesota Vikings oh so you don't know what's once I guess so but I imagine it was still in the country

I thought I was in Minneapolis I was like, I fell asleep on the train again. So we're showering. We're getting with the 5 o'clock whistle has happened. We're kind of doing a little bit of grab ass and the showers. Oh, dude, the horsing off in the shower is pretty great. Imagine for like after you get off your job, you have to shower with everyone. Like, after we're done with this podcast, we all had to go to a communal shower.

Hit the showers, boys. There was some great potting today. Oh, yeah, there's a great joke you made, Eric, just lathering each other up. Chris, passed the bar. of soap. I won't be doing that. Stop looking. I guess this is almost what makes it feel like high school because you know the showering together. You don't even get

shower heads in this place. It's literally a pipe. Yeah, it's dribbling water. We are spraying down the cattle before they go into the fucking grinder. Exactly. Well, it's the cancer grinder. Yeah, for sure. We go to this awesome bar the cage. Can I tell you

on the way to the cage, the drive to the cage, you just get much like we made fun of this on our Friday the 13thmentary would you get a Patreon.com

slash we ate movies oh yeah just total out of nowhere hillbilly banjo extravagance because after the showering it's like

all right we're going to the park and they're all and they're all chasing each other out of the parking lot like is it's bandjo music

just totally if you were to take if you were to take any movie set in like around a like a middle America or like country

you would think that all of them, their favorite record is the soundtrack to deliverance. Because it's just always playing like this whenever you get out of the cities. To your point, if this is supposed to be Pennsylvania, it would fit right in. It would. That case. But they are so amped to get to this bar

the fat guy who's my favorite character, Hollis. Yeah. So good. Like, they're all one of the bars buying the first round. This guy's like, only fucking shit. It's like his pants aren't even buckled he's running for the car. It matters that much. Yeah. So they don't have to pay the what

35 cents a beer For the moose head dude The moose I gotta get there And start stabbing my hand Oh yep We're doing that Oh yeah

They get to this bar of the cage They're drinking shit ton of moose head It's hot It's Hollis V Axel in the aliens game Neither of which turn out to be an Android Kind of a drag honestly You see what's going on here We're using real knives on fake hands

Yes these are totally too like gray puppet hands they're working with. It's awesome. Yeah, we made this hand out of cake. So we can eat it after you hit it. It's a Netflix show. I like this. Right, yeah. Anybody watch two seconds of that? No.

I'm not doing that too. I'm not doing that too. I like nailed it. I like nailed it. I like nailed it. What the hell's nailed it? Nicole Beyer had a show or has a show, I think. It's like, it's like kind of like people who are bad at baking have to like do complex bakes. They fail at it. We're watching people

fuck up. exactly yeah can i tell you speaking that that we've just like pulled the car over for a second you guys love these there gordon ramsie shows and whatnot sure yeah i watched i watched this the season premiere this next level kitchen shit yeah yeah whether it's an elevator yes i had to turn it off yeah because it's not as good as the other ones dude it isn't adjita dude the anxiety that i was getting they're fucking screaming right and and all these people these are like non-professional chefs for the most part we're slinging yes chef

and no chef around it like give me a fucking break you have to or he'll smack you in the head but here's the other thing dude so like the two women who were at like the bottom of the thing yeah had to duel and it was like make the best steak and I'm like okay making a steak sure they have all

these people just screaming at them as to like how to make the steak I turned it right off I couldn't I could not watch it gladiatorial combat it was dude the blood pressure sure. I just couldn't. Screaming. It's football without the CTE, my friend. That's why we watch it. Yeah.

But that's what it's missing. If I was going to say, add one thing, CTE. I felt like I was getting brain damage. At the cage, we kind of, it's weird. I think that there's like some scuffle between T.J. and Axel, T.J. is dark hair. Axel is blonde hair. They're kind of like the double dragon brothers a little bit.

Isn't it? Drew is the one who, throws the grenade in the air because he's like, or no, it's God, John, I think, at the end, because he's like, oh, man, TJ, you came back and then Axel got your girlfriend. Come on. We're just being

buddies talking about stuff. Is John the really, really tall guy? The red guy. The red guy. When he first sees his girlfriend and picks her up by her fucking skull with just two arms and then lifts her body up. No way she, this

actress had to have ongoing damage for this seat. I think the gag is she's holding his wrist. He's just, no, he's like, well, he's like crushing her skull. It was like the undertaker. It was terrifying to me. This guy was freaky with this fucking bright, a ginger that

big, the size of a fucking doorway, no thing. He should be studied by size. That was the captain of the high school basketball. I mean, I think that's probably what I mean, and all these guys I do think that are probably like 19 and a half. You know what I mean? Like that's, they're very young and act young.

They're not like, you know, like lifers in the mind. I guess that could be, you know, it's a... They will be. Yes, they certainly will be. But acting young makes sense because, you know, if you're going to, statistically, if you're going to kill your girlfriend, it's by 1920, right? Eric, that's why this thing happened. This face hugging situation happens.

It's a big deal. Because at the end, the killer who gets his girlfriend also takes her by the head and puts her head through a shower pipe. So I think it's supposed to be. be a little bit of a red herring. Right. Oh, he's a big red herring. There's a big red haired red herring. It's okay to have red hair. It's like, you know, just want to mention that. I love this crotchety old bartender that's like, avast me, Mates. I'm going to stop the movie dead for a flashback about why there may be a

killer here tonight. But I appreciate it. Oh, it's no. It's fucking funny. I have a question here. And I think I have a hierarchy of like, I guess it's most desirable, least desirable who you want to be in a slasher movie. Okay. Top is the final girl, obviously. Sure. She makes it through a little. Top is the killer. Yeah.

Wow. He gets to have all the fun. Now you just with one seemingly stupid comment totally disrupted his entire thing. Sorry, sorry, sorry. No, but it is the killer. Read your paper. Uh, the kill, uh, the final girl, you have the romantic interest would be next, obviously. Then the slutty slash hunky friend, like either or, you know, the doesn't matter with the gender there.

The belligerent authority figure, that's you, that's your sheriff who doesn't want anything to happen. Sure. Uh, then you have your maniac lore guy who's this, who's the bartender who knows what's going on. Crazy Ralph. Yeah. Then you've got, now these are the bottom, the bottom two in it. You can talk me into either or. Mm.

The hysterical woman who's Patty at the end of this, who's in. a lot of these movies like I can't do it I can't go on the ladder out of nowhere what I love is there is one part of this where Patty is freaking out in the mine and she falls down there this can't do it

anymore and this girl Sarah beautiful moment she goes shut up yes you can and it could be the fucking baby another great yelling moment in this film is when Hollis says shut the fuck up oh yeah the shut the fuck up is so good and the final final one

we're disrupting this paper final is the jokester slash fake scare guy that's the bottom rung bottom rung at all times that's your that dude from Friday the 13th part 3 Shelley is there this guy this one has it

is it Howard in this one Howard Howard Howard Howard Howard Howard with a exquisite dev yeah he gets it nice well he does this like red paint on his face to try to scare the sheriff here Mabel he scares Mabel

and he ruins some valentines because Mabel is going to do more, this is the most decorations for a Valentine's Day I've ever like you have like the laundromat. The fucking most depressing Well, may I, may I just throw out a suggestion here? It's because it's the Valentine Bluffs laundromat.

You see there, see the town the name of the town shows So you're telling me this is not usually there? I think anything decorated for Valentine's Day outside of a third grade classroom is overkill. I think like that's Once we're in fourth grade, let's stop with the hearts. I agree.

That's mostly for that. And chalk candy. You can keep that as well. Yeah, the kids are helping decorate for the big dance. And this is when the mayor shows up. Where's my rotten son, T.J. Oh, man. By the little rich boy, mayor, so that's why he goes.

I was surprised you like this, Eric. This is a Nepo baby hero. Well, no, what's funny about this, well, he's, you know, he's put upon by his families. The crown hangs heavy. a little bit because he comes back and his father's like, I don't scare, how I see, he's back in town, he's working in the mind.

He's going in the mind. I don't care that he starred in 17 pornographic films when he left. He's working in the mind. Dude, that would be a great turn for the graduate. It's like Dustin Hoffman in that pool and then like Mr. Feeney's like,

no, you're working in the mind. I don't care. You're not going to spend this entire week. This entire summer just lounging around. One word, Dustin Hoffman, twinks. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I'm going to get some twinks.

I mean, he wouldn't have to get it in that movie he is. Well, I want some more twinks for myself. It'll be a collection of twinks. Well, I mean, that's true. You need collections. Like, Hollis here clearly was in John Candy's collection of doubles. Like, this guy just, like, irradiates John Candy energy. He's beautiful.

I said on Twitter that he, is exactly if you put all four of us into one human being. It's this dude because he's got light brown hair. He's wearing a hat. He's got glasses and a big old mustache. And he's as big as life, dude. This guy is all four of us literally put together. He looks like at the start of John Carpenter's The Thing, this dude has just transferred

off base and gone back home. Because like the dumb hat, the mustache, the overall, like, just. general, like, scusiness of him, he could be with the rest of those dudes in Antarctica. One of his hats was what, like, what's up jackass or something? Yeah, oh, it's a good hat. Something like that. Dude, but he's such a lovable guy. He's pulling Patty, by the way.

Yeah, you know, I think this guy's got a little bit of a magic tongue, if you know what I mean? Patty is satisfied Valentine's Day and every other day, you know what I mean? That's why she gets hysterical. She'll never have that dick again, dude. that big old Hollis Hogg. Oh, Hollis Hogg. Do you want me to sleep with Howard or something? No, he's dead.

He's dead. I mean, I would definitely sleep with Hollis over Howard for sure. Well, yeah, but I don't see him even as a good, like, if I was just looking for a desperation bang. Patty can do much better hours. You know what? In a year, you know, after the events of this film, in a year, there's going to be a fresh young crop of men for the mind. Totally. Got a churn him in, churn him out.

There'll be another fatty you're saying, another fat dude that's going to be down there. Yeah, another Hollishog, maybe, you know, because like, like you were saying, it's kind of like a John Candy doppelganger. I'm imagining Canada, these guys were roaming around. Oh, that's true. They were grown these out in the fields. They had John Candies for fucking anchors of John Candies out there. We're wild bison.

They ate wild bison. This dude, you know, he didn't have like a stellar career. He has since passed away, but he's one of, like, Bill Murray's, like, gaggle weirdos in the first meatballs Oh, that's kind of cool. Yeah. He's got a great presence, a great face. You know what I mean? Like a real solid face. I mean, this whole movie is just filled with great faces because it's all just like,

you know, and again, like, I'm sure you just rewatch the remake. Everyone's probably gorgeous. It's just a bunch of like TV stars. Everyone is still like more or less a model. Right. Because now you have to be a perfume model to be in a movie. And back then, you could just be a scraggly weird guy doing community theater in Canada. a perfume salesman.

The dudes are like uniformly ugly in this movie. Which is great, which is what makes it realistic folks at home. It adds to the charm. It makes it scarier. I feel like I could hang in a room with these dudes. I couldn't hang out with the people in the remake. They're way too beautiful.

Except for Tom Atkins and Kevin Teague were the gross old fuckers in the movie. You try to hang out with the remake. Yeah, you try to hang out with those guys. They started doing crunches in front of you. They would do that. They would definitely take you to a gym. but the other problem is eventually you are going to have to

at some point you are going to have to hear what it was like to have a guest spot on Supernatural At some point you're going to have to hear the story and you don't want to hear it. This is the remake so it's off topic a little bit but it stars Jensen Ackles What was his star? He was supernatural. He was like he's either

a supernatural or maybe like a prison break of some kind and Jensen Eccles I always get them mixed up. He's the one who's now on the boys, correct? Or is that the other one? Jensen Nichols is the one I think he's on the boys Okay he's on the boys Who was he playing on the boys?

Soldier boy Soldier boy oh he's soldier boy Oh I had no idea Yeah yeah We so this bartender story does happen here We're kind of all over the place But it's important because we get like The tale of what went down 20 years ago

And it was like we had some fellas in the mine And then there was a explosion Well because the fucking two dudes The two foremen were like oh man The Valentine's Day dance Like At last one out of the Mine's a rotten egg, and by that mean literally you're going to rot your flesh.

And so this bartender is some interesting stuff going on here. He says the Valentine's Day dance, yes, which they were all shit in their pants to get to. So that's why we had some laziness on the job here. This dude says that this Valentine's Day dance was a tradition for over 100 years. Wow. To which I pitch back, how old is the fake high? holiday of Valentine's Day. Did Cupid found this town? Maybe Cupid'sville. That sounds nice.

I just thought there was such a, you've been having a Valentine's Day dance for over a hundred years? A little baby with wings homesteading out in rural Canada, building the first long cabin. Yes, we long stopped pinning actual wings to our babies. We actually did it for a couple of years and many, many problems, many hospital visits later. We said we should stop this. It's kind of great because he's like, uh, he's also saying that Valentine's Day and I mean I guess

because it's just the name of the town But now is it a fake holiday Is it or is it not? Are you looking at that? I mean yeah no There's stuff like you know As of the 8th century

There's a feast of St. Valentine Oh so we're really So I mean like so this is like This is like what was that The Halloween Sam Hangs? Yeah exactly But but I'm talking about like What we consider

Dipshit Valentine's Day now Right A lot chocolates That probably started I don't know the red and pink decorations. 1922. Help the war effort or something. Shaucer apparently was it on Valentine's Day.

I mean, the thing with Valentine's Day is this town specifically, it is one of the few places that like the owner of S&J Food Mart can, you know, hit on some 18 year olds as he would want to do. And so everybody's together

at this Valentine's Day thing. He's getting his stuff done. And he's not thinking about the fucking miners dying, but Nick his feet. A writer in Graham's American Monthly observed in 1849. St. Valentine's Day is becoming nay, it has become a national holiday. Oh, shit.

Shut my mouth. This led to it directly to the Civil War. Lincoln spoke out about it. People were just like, listen, states rights, if some states want to have Valentine's Day, they can have Valentine's Day. The time for Valentine's Day is now, now, now, now. he's just pushing through a federal holiday and that's what all of Lincoln is

that's what the amazing he just has to convince Tommy Lee Jones to get on board with him yes yes the emancipation absolutely getting Valentine's Day on the books more importantly my fellow Americans listen yes yes yes yes oh yes

it's a tragedy what's going out there in the South however February is a dream dreary month as it is. We need something to pepper it up. Adam Driver comes up to him in the beginning. He's like, sir, I don't know what day to tell my

wife I love her. It's a terrible burden, sir. Oh, I'll have to do something about that. Boy, what a great holiday, right? God damn, it sucks. So, Sixth Emperor Valentine. I'd say.

So this dude, Harry Warden, he's a fellow who resorted to cannibalism or whatever. Sure. And they were hold never to have a Valentine's Day dance again because of Harry's warning here because he went through town and killed the two mine supervisors and cut out their hearts. Pretty hardcore response to an on-the-job work actually. But you know what? Yeah. Yes and no. It led to the death of four people. It was criminal negligence. Yes. On part of this company. And I mean,

TJ's father should have been iced as well in my own. Oh, yeah. Oh, for sure. Well, I mean, I'm sure like they're like, ah, you know, we're not going to hold it against Bill and Tom. It was the Valentine dance. They were excited. What are we going to do? Who among us hasn't left their job a little early to get to the Valentine dance? Like for instance, like to compare it to a real event, right? If in a year from now

the toxic Avenger emerges from Ohio's oil spill or whatever's going out there and then kills those responsible, I'm clapping for this guy. It's all good. It's all good by me. A couple trained fucking magnates. Fucking get iced after this. That's fine.

Yeah. I guess we'll have to wait and see. Fingers crossed, everybody. See if this wish comes through next year. But the bartender's like really into it. He's got a great line. He's like, and they danced. And what is? And the town danced while men died.

And I was like, why are you so emotionally wrapped up in this? Was one of the dudes like your brother or something? Was he working there at the time in the, in the, oh, he could have been. And now he's just the bartender. Also, isn't that happening all the time? That's actually fair. aren't people dying not far from you probably sure good point chris i think i'll dance more

there you go i feel like someone was like oh my god those guys are locked out of the mind holy shit oh dance it's gonna be over in an hour anyway i mean we didn't even have the cake yet we were gonna we have the pot we have the the the the the raffle coming up at the end here you guys i would hate to raffle i would hate to lose the raffle so we're uh we're auctioning off a new cookware set don't you want to see who wins it they'll be fine they can wait an hour it's fondue honey they can stay in the mind

we've got a set of specialty sporks and if you want some you've got to put in a raffle ticket the new spork oh my lord I've been hearing about this in the periodicals this is going to change the way we live and eat this is how the astronauts eat

but there is a great like we cut back and the bartenders just like that's why you shouldn't celebrate Valentine's Day and all of these minor workers and their lady friends are like fuck you old man and they start singing this song to this waitress

did you guys catch this part it's like something straight out of fucking husbands they are singing to this waitress harassing her it's some song about like and the ugly old waitresses a virgin and she's just like giving them like trays of beer crying

this is yeah but TJ's playing that cool what is it that's it's the thing you throw the discs you slide the disc because a lot of like sawdust It's like upside down bowling It is it's really cool T.J's just trying to play it That his friends are like

Hey isn't it weird That actual fuck Sarah And you used to fuck Sarah And you're really sad about that TJ Yeah I'm gonna go play Sawdust bowling over here now Thank you very much And like Tj keeps giving her looks

And she's like Tj stop it She fakes like a thing to go over to the jukebox And like which is right next to this game That he's playing And she's like Let's see G7, you got to stop

doing this. I'm with Axel now. I do I do think they play well together with this whole love triangle. I feel like I've seen it done way worse, multiple. No, I actually, it actually gives this movie some texture. You know what I mean? It feels like something, you know? That seat when

they go, I mean, that's an intimate the one thing that a lot of these movies don't have is intimacy. Yeah. And this is one moment when they go out to Buffet and he says I love you and it's like, I don't know why I didn't tell you. I just couldn't. That whole thing. that's it's a nice scene it's a nice scene that's like stunning that it works for a movie like this like yeah because you're watching it like all right these movies don't normally have these kinds of scenes

this is going to be stupid and it actually plays like really earnestly and nicely kind of weird this is when so the kids are decorating the Howard pretends he's uh all bloodied up kind of your first fake scare and then uh the mayor gets a valentine oop it's this uh ladies heart probably the sex worker's heart and he's just like well we're not just going to cancel the dance after one I spent $71 on cupid balloons god damn it and I'll be damned if I lose this money

it's like he just opened like he just bought a thing of fresh bread and he opened it's all moldy he's like oh oh no oh oh oh oh no a human heart in my candy box oh no he goes that's right he's opening it in the car with the sheriff.

They go to the mortuary guy, the town whatever, and the guy's like, what are you fellows doing with a human heart? They're like, no reason. Now let me explain.

I love that. I love that ass. It's great questions because the fuck are you doing with a human heart, dude? What are you? Well, it came in a candy box and I, you know,

I said to the sheriff here, prove to me it's not a cow's heart and then I'll consider canceling the dance. And well, here we are. At first, I kept telling him, flush it down the toilet We'll have the dance anyway Because he's like yep

You got a human art Female probably 20 25 years old What is this dude He's just like Tossing it up and down Like a bag of chalk in his hand It's like yep yep About 20 22

Blonde 6 foot 1 Smoker Definite smoker Quite a looker If these ventricles are to tell me anything Yeah she was having sex When she died She was

Yeah she was in the mine, my God. Hang on, wait a second. About an A cup. No, I gummed it. Usually you want to get some teeth in there, but I just gummed it. Oh, man. It's so awesome. So, like, even the presence of a human heart is like, listen, you know what, let's just call to the mental hospital, make sure they got Harry on lockdown.

Oh, right. Yeah. And this is your classic. We call the records are sealed. It's going to take us the whole movie to figure out whether Harry is or is. not in the mental well they said they've never heard of him is the idea like yes well when you get he kind of the the chief finally gets on the phone with the secretary who's like telling him she's like Ms. Raleigh

Miss Raleigh she's like God what do you expect us to do have a clear records of who has been in our care what's wrong with you? We just let the lunatics just mill around we don't know who the doctors are we don't know who the patients are anyone wearing white we just

wrap them in straight jackets and leave Have you seen Halloween? That's what we did. We forgot it. We just didn't do it. Look, he broke out. Is that what you want to hear? He broke out and we didn't tell anybody.

I love that line. It's like, well, he's either been released, transferred, or on the slab. He's like, take your pick. It is kind of funny, though, when he's like, so you say you've, you've searched everywhere for this? And she's just like, yes, God damn it, everywhere. We search for these fucking records and of course not. aside from the microfilm

which I definitely didn't look at yet dude that's like take fucking forever yeah oh it's gonna take days to get down there and I'm like dude did you specify up front that you were a police officer calling this hospital maybe that would help smooth things over I talk about the human heart a little bit like lead with the human heart

we got body pieces here in Valentine Bluffs this might be because they're still they do this stupid fucking thing of like oh I guess this is after Mabel passes away but then they're just like like, now don't tell anyone that there's any. Yes, which is probably the worst thing. Well, this is right where we are.

So, like, there's Mabel. She is fucking, this is the most excited. Mabel has been since her husband came home from Korea. Uh-huh. Okay, getting this Valentine's Day dance on. She has decorated her laundromat. She's just so excited about everything. She's dressed to kill.

Yeah. And she gets murdered in her own laundromat. Yes, she finds this poem. first, which is so funny, because there's like a, I guess, the heart-shaped box is there. Yeah. She's thrilled that there's this card, by the way. Somebody wants to fuck.

Yeah. Roses are red, violets are blue, one is dead, and so are you. Incredible. Do you think it's that lovely Howard boy who sent this to me? I hope it's Howard. It's how, at his

enormous. Oh, I've heard so many stories. Oh, let me ride that mustache. I usually just strap I just I strap my legs onto this dryer and ride it thinking of Hollis he's just as big I keep saying Nagel

I put a little mustache at the end of the dryer and I help it oh I think about today I can have Hollis and Howard at the same time I feel towering me with me and the middle that's like washing and drying laundry at the same time

Howard needs to take a shirt off Hollis help him Who help him hollis? Detergent cream pies. Oh, did. Don't. Oh, no. I think. That's just thinking about that all commercials

that come and it goes up and it turns it dissolves into nothing. They all turn into those like little friendly animation bubbles. Hi there. Whatever happened to that fucking bear from those commercials that would like be as a dryer guy or whatever? Oh, the Charmin bear? No, that's the toilet guy. Stuxley. Yes.

Snuggie. Yeah. Yeah. Did he die? I think he died in the warehouse fire. Got shot in the head. Yeah, then they started the fire to cover up the murder.

Tide does not play around. It was a routine traffic stop. He was a little bit over the influence. He didn't have a license because he was a fucking sentient animatronic bear. They put two in his head. And then yes, a warehouse fire to.

Yep. It turns out snuggly was the one telling all the kids to eat the tide pie. so now we have to equail him out I'll ruin those fuckers yeah kids eat them so a year later the teddy bear

comes back to kill or does it or maybe it's someone else pretending to be a teddy bear turned out to be the Charmin Bears they were trying to frame him can we talk about one of my

favorite scenes this movie which happens right here I think it's happening kind of simultaneously while Mabel is getting it yeah we are it's you know the cage probably threw our boys out

one o'clock 1.30 You know what I mean to mining town is probably a Wednesday Day. The party's still going. And Hollis is making, I guess, like roast beef on a fucking karma motor. This is frozen dinner. It looks like it's those frozen. Oh, okay. Yeah. So keep these down. We'll be sitting pretty. It's a junkyard and we're playing junkyard harmonica. Yeah. Everything. Yep. It's terrific. And they're just getting. Hollis is like with the boys trying to

have some fucking shitty food. Like, oh, man, I got the much. It sucks to live in the 70s. You know, there's no, there's no 24 hour McDonald's. What are you going to do? Nope. Yeah, no, there's not. You got to cook food on an engine block. I can't, I mean, I can't just feed myself on stealing Heathcliff's fish skeletons. Just picking them off every day. They don't fill you up. And this is, it's a nice little scene because it's like what you call it. Again, I do this love triangle is pretty good. It's just, it's TJ and Axel. They're having a good time to play in fucking junkyard Harmonica. Like, oh, remember these good old days? It's like, yeah, but I'm still fucking Sarah.

You are not, you son. And they almost get into a fight here. Oh, I want you to stay. aware from Sarah, you hear it? If you don't, you'll be sorry. I do like this because it's a really interesting, like when, you know, T.J. sits down. He's just like, all right, we got to address this. We got to talk about it.

And the whole thing is, T.J. was with Sarah before his trip west for whatever. And he just bounced, didn't break up with her, nothing left, and didn't call nothing. Axel is within his rights This dude should be presumed dead Hey, hey man If Axel wasn't a serial killer

I would be like you know what He's got a point here TJ walk off Get the fuck out of here Absolutely I mean I think even him being a serial killer Has nothing to do with whether he's right to date so you don't think those things They relate to each other I think he's totally fine interesting interesting point I love when this scene starts

Because like the way Well you get all the grilling and everything and then it cuts back to like looking at them from like the camera looks like it appears as if it's like hiding behind a car. And then the harmonica starts and the camera starts like stalking along. And I'm like, is the killer playing the harmonica? Like what is happening right here? And then you see TJ playing the harmonica and then, or Axel.

And then TJ comes into frame with a bottle of booze as like the fake scare. But part of me was like, oh man, if this dude was in the mining outfit just like, hey they were trying to tell you here he is we did the killer shot and it ends on asshole i think it does a great job of doing these red herring yeah oh it does i hadn't seen the movie in a while and i kind of forgot exactly who it was and i'm like it's a satisfying movie in that regard it's good there's good long it was it's a long take it's kind of good like i it's not of course like that's of course the hindrance to all these things it's not john fucking carpenter but like it is of as far as just normal movie goes it's pretty well done. This is when the sheriff finds poor Mabel in her own dryer. He's like, that smells so weird. He keeps me out. The smell is horrible. The smell is horrible.

Fines her in the thing. And the mayor is like, oh, the smell is absolutely horrible. Let me just light up this enormous cigar here. I just want to read through my mouth specifically right now. One of the funniest parts of this. That smells disgusting cigar. All right. You know what? Okay. Fine. won't use a cigar. someone get me about a gallon of chili and Hollis

and have him come here into the bathroom and take care of this smell because I hate this burnt flesh smell. At first I thought you wanted Hollis to eat the lady. Did you slathered chili on that lady? He's like, Chilooley's chilling. Newman with the muffin bottoms. Clean her.

But as they're dragging her off, it is hilarious. The bears, I know, listen, you sons your pitches. she had a heart attack. And they're like, that's the story. I'm going to share anybody who skews for the story

is going to answer to me. Nothing happened here. Hollis had one of his big meals again. That's why it's closed. Look, Mabel was, it was raining yesterday and Mabel was just trying to dry off and she accidentally locked herself into dryer. Okay, that's what happened.

We all know it. This shot, in the unrated version, it's like a slow motion, like he opens it, and You just watch this fucking body slam around and around for like 20 seconds. Really? And then it falls out. And then it falls out.

This is just an open and fallout. But the funniest part is the dude. I mean, this guy, I think you better retire, buddy, or get new glasses or something. Because he walks into this laundromat. And it's like Steve, you said, he's sniffing around. He walks past where this woman is, you know, floating around in the dryer. comes back again, walks past her a second time, opens the dryer immediately next to her,

and starts pulling out laundry and sniffing it. Like, is this the smell? You look at this door that she is in. It is blood red. It is the only dryer door covered in. Well, you know, maybe she's decorating too much again. That's what's fucking hilarious. It's because he does, like, when he comes in at first,

it's like a Sherlock scene. He's like, well, that heart's upside down. Yes, exactly. That's upside down. That's right. The blood smear all over the dryer doesn't matter anything. That could have been there yesterday. But let's look at what's in the other dryer.

Oh, the scuff on the floor here. Never mind the blood and the brains next to it. The scuff, that looks like a boot scuff. Oh, my God. The blood in the brains is Mabel. I just thought it was one of Hall's big lunches. The Halls warming his meals up in the dryer. Oh, dude.

course, he never uses it of it. He's using dryers. He's cooking things on the TV. Engine block. What's? Marinated chicken thighs. Alice, uh, happy birthday from to you from all of us here in Valentine Bluffs. It's a microwave. It does all the stuff your standard engine block or large household appliance would do, except it is built specifically for what you need. And now next time you come in to eat one of our cadavers, you'll be able to heat up the leftovers next day double bad detective work on the sheriff because after he gives the whole like

don't tell nobody nothing speech they're about to cart this old lady out and he's like hang on a second and he had previously pulled the sheet back when he's saying don't tell nobody nothing and they start cart in her way he's like hang on a second what the hell is this and you look there is a huge

like pink Valentine card stuck in this lady's chest cavity for all to see. And I was like, dude, how did anyone pull a blanket over this woman without seeing that and getting it out of there? One of them just takes a magnifying glass out like, I do believe I see. Sorry, Sheriff, I thought that was her real heart. There's something in her heart. Excuse me, there's something in her heart. It's my first day. It was Eugene's first day on the job. He mixed up a paper heart for a real one. This is when I think the mayor is like, well, I guess we have to canceled this Valentine dance, tell the kids they'll be so disappointed.

The kids are at the bar and the bartender's like, good, because that thing would lead nothing but trouble. They're like, we should have our, you know what we should do? We should find a place where we could drink alcohol and hang out and dance all the time. Let's go to the, you're at the fucking bar. The only difference between what they do at this dance and what they're doing at the cage is there are hot dogs served. So that I would go up to the dude at the bar and like,

Hey, man, just for a spin on tomorrow, why don't we just boil up some hot dogs in the back? And then everybody wins. No. The only, you know, regulars at this bar, any customers whatsoever are all the mining people anyway. So just say the bartender, look, man, we're just going to bring some food in.

You don't have a kitchen here. So we're going to bring outside food into the bar. Have a little celebration. This guy is spooked about Valentine's Day. Maybe he's closing the bar that. Oh, maybe. Well, yeah, he has to work on this great prank. This prank is pretty good.

Because they razzed the bartender. They're like, oh, we're going to the mine where everyone was eating each other. Ooh. And it's like, that's not fucking funny. That was my cousin. He was. He ate the hair. I saw it.

Literally. No, you're misunderstanding. It was just 20 years ago. Cannibalism happened where you work. That doesn't bother you at all. Look, sometimes I'm just going to admit it to you kids right now. Sometimes I walk down the street at night. Someone's got a wood fireplace, fireburn,

and I think, someone's cooking flesh again. You little babies are too young to remember the cannibalism days. So they're razzed him. And then he's like, oh, I'm going to, you know what, be careful who you try and make fun of or whatever he says. And he goes to this thing, he goes to the mine. I love this. And he puts up a little, it's like a dummy miner with a pickax.

This is a Kevin McAllister-esque little design here. And he loves it. He's showing love with this. Yeah, it's all like set up with a rope or whatever. So when you open the door, like the pickax comes out, you see the little minor guy there. And he's like, ha ha ha ha ha. I just want him to like do a big newspaper thing with the plants for this thing. There we go.

Okay. So the axe goes there. But he does it four times to Erick's four. Okay. Oh, one more. Oh, that's okay. He goes back for the last time. And it's the killer.

It actually kills him. which was, it's a good, it's a good little kill. It's so fucking cool. You get the pickaxed through the eye in the unrated and it is wow, nice. According to they must have cut it back, right? Yes. Because of the climate of the culture. Well, yeah, because of

they said because specifically the the John Lennon murder was the reason that they which is kind of insane. Who was murdered? Remember John Lennon murdered a guy in a mining house. Yes. With a pickax? Yes. right. Well, because I think

it was Valentine's Day. Lenin was murdered in like December of 80. Yeah. So they were like... And I think this movie was like February. February. Yeah. February. February of 81. So it's like I guess, you know, there was like probably like, oh, violent movie. Again, the, the boogeyman of

violent movies made him do it. Video games haven't been invented yet. So it's the movies that did it this time. You're going to have to cut a lot. You're going to have to cut this whole scene where the band is murdered. That's not in our movie. Oh. Well, just cut out the murders. Just cut away all that stuff.

The scene where Hollis is reading Catcher in the Rye, cut that right out. Does Axel's last name have to be Chapman? Does we just maybe? Axel Chapman. I like that. Alexel Chapman is one thing. Axel Chapman, I think, is a little. Maybe a little rough.

Yeah, I don't know. Kind of hard to spit out there. And by the way, I know video games did exist. But no one was killing anyone over Mr. Pac-Man. Mario Brothers? No. Oh, are you killing? me because you played

pong last night oh no oh no he can't John Lennon is trying to move like his little shield in time but the little Pong

bullet is coming at him What a terrible turn of events that I'm being murdered because you lost it Pong last night should have found a better reason to murder

if only I had one of them Pac-Man pellets I'd eat you you bleeding ghost Oh man It's not nice Every member of the Mahavishnu Orchestra has been stacked

like Tetris pieces It's disgusting They's got to be stopped Excellent reference to Mahavishnu Orchestra It's a man pretty good band But so now the dance is canceled We're going to have the dance at the mine This is TJ's idea

Because I think at this point He's like I think this might be able to make me win back Sarah Because I think during the day He has already taken her out It was like listen I don't know He's like I can't talk about what happened in California

It was just There was just so many dicks But whatever it is I think So many dicks Sarah They do make Some sort of like agreement Because like they start making out And, like, soon after this, he's like, you're going to tell Axel about, like, whatever.

I think also, though, T.J. is anti-party in the mind because it's his old man's mind. No, no, it's, he wants the party in the mind, but later he doesn't like people going in the mind. Oh, you're right. Hollis is taking him down in it. Yes, because there's like a little area, there's like a little, like, reception area, I guess. Or like, where the kitchen is. Yeah. You would think the one thing, you know, T.J would have learned after going out to,

the West Coast and doing whatever he was doing out there and coming back. The one thing you might want to, you know, work on is impulse control. Sure. And when that's happening, when a woman's like, okay, yeah, it's really complicated but yeah, I do, I do care for you so much, not be like, she's mine

guys. Axel, why don't you fuck off? She wants me now. I'm the big dick. Slow it down. Yeah, that'll fizzle out, you know what I mean, eventually. Just take your time. You got to just give it time. And it's not the same thing as Steve Erkel.

I'm wearing her down. There was a previous relationship here. She has sort of at least agreed to consider the possibility of getting back together. Don't fuck it up, dude. Because if you keep pushing like this, I don't know, Axel's bound to, I don't know, dress up as a minor and start killing people. Yeah, dude, you never know. You don't know what video games he's been playing. Even worse, Eric, this man might fumble makeup sex.

Ooh, yep, I can see that. Destruction, just absolute destruction of an ego after that. Oh, yeah. Just crying on the edge of the bed. It's just been so long. Screaming. Screaming in the shower. Yeah, there's a one, it doesn't really matter, but there's a little, like, axel is

above T.J. in the mines. He was like, hey, TJ, go do the shitty job. He's like, why do I got to do it? They kind of like, got to do a little scuffle. Yeah, a little bit of a heated argument here. I love the mine foreman who's like, there aren't going to be no fighting in my section. God damn it. Yeah.

The dude's like not a character. you'd never see him again because he's like too old to go to the party, I guess. But he should be at the cage just fucking pounding him down. You'd think he should be the dude who backs up the bartender.

Lloyd here ain't crazy, you know. I guess all the older guys just pound beers at home or something. That's true. Yeah, too old to be going out just gonna get drunk and fall asleep watching bad football on the TV. That's why I was surprised

that you were so judgmental at these kids, Stephen. How many times have we been like, don't get money for the bar? Yeah, that's a fair point. 30 rack of extra gold is about $10. Yep, totally. I'll take that home.

Because we are drinking the fancy moose head, which I really want moose head so bad. Moosehead's great, dude. They moved to Schlitts at the party, so I think you're right, Chris. Somebody gets a 60 rack of schlitz for, I don't know, 149, I guess would be. All right, everybody, put in a nickel. You want moose head that bad, huh? I kind of do. It probably would bite it right off.

Oh, you're right. Yeah, what with this big moose teeth and all? Yeah, they're big. I had moose head. It's great. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know this is a partying town, by the way.

I didn't mention this back. We were talking about the laundromat scenes. There is just a case of moose head sitting in the laundromat. Well, that's how Mabel gets through the day, dude. Party town. There's nothing wrong with living your life like another round. Yeah, just a little bit. Microdosing.

Microdosing alcohols made me a podcaster. I love when they get into the little community room or whatever. to start the party. It's like the five to six like mainish characters, you know, that we've met all file in. Basically everybody with names, right? But then the people keep coming. It's like the fight for your right to party video where everybody keeps coming in the house. All of a sudden there's like 30 people and I was like, I didn't know there were this many people in the town, let alone like 30 teens.

Party at the Hanigan mine. Oh, totally. Bring your friends. I heard they got schlitz and a shit. shit ton of hot dogs. We have talking about the hot dogs. Yes, we do. It's crazy.

It's the first kill at the party anyway. But what they're doing, what they are doing, they have a huge vat that they're boiling hot dogs in. And apparently people are just coming in and pouring more water on it to keep the boil going is the idea. You see this? Somebody adds more water to the boil. So the hot dogs are always, they burst eventually, wouldn't they?

Well, they're getting, I think we're not seeing. is the rapid turnover of these hot dogs. They're all going to Hollis. Turnover of the hot dogs and then you know you're kind of lowering the temperature with adding the new water a little. Yeah, that's a good point. So you're slowing it down. Keeping hot. I mean, that's a thing.

It's fascinating. But you know, what's also fascinating is the first kill outside of that beginning one and Mabel, the first kill of these kids. Yeah. Yeah. And hot dog flavored water. It's true, man. My eventual fate, dude. I know. Well, your eventual fate, someone's going to drown you in hot dog flavor.

water, and then they're going to play with your chocolate starfish. That's, I mean, Odyssey, Steve, a subret man taking you out. I can see that happening. He just gets tired of you adding all the extra things on your hot dog. He said, that's that. Listen, fat boy, I cut you off two days ago. Someone's going to be like, well, let's see, drown in this hot dog flavored water here. Yeah, by the looks at him.

Yeah, this was a suicide. So you're telling me that the, this half a torso sticking out of your hot dog water is just a really big hot dog. that's that's just that's not a human being. It must be one of Hollis' big lunches again. They kind of do a fucked up thing here. They kind of designate one of these extras as like Queen of the Hot Dogs.

Yeah, sure. Because when we're first introduced to like this vat of hot dogs, it's this woman is coming out of the kitchen with a huge tray of hot dogs and she's literally got one in her hand. She's, I think she just literally goes, Hot Dogs. Yeah, man. And just bites into this hot dog like Bugs Bunny with a carrot.

Incredible. This is, this isn't a Valentine's party. It's a hot dog party. It's a party. I mean, like, that's the only feature of the, there's no Valentine's dancing. There's no, like, romance, there's no candy. There are, there's hearts. The only feature different than the bar are the hot dogs.

And that woman is holding a hot dog like no other human being has held a hot. It's as if she's on a motorcycle. Like, it's just like this. And I'm like, what is, how? Because, you know, when you're just so excited to eat a hot dog, dude, you can't even think about how, no whole you're holding it you can't think about buns I'm a fan of a boiled hot dog oh absolutely

good old dirty water dog oh I love a boy absolutely yeah I don't have many a like a hot dog I won't eat yeah oh you don't have a lot of a hot dog hangups no I don't I got some hot dogs I don't eat yeah I don't really like the when they lean two pork I'm not as into it like oh the ballpark Oscar Meyer

I'm not too big on those big plump dudes I don't yeah I want a long guy you want a long guy give me some girth yeah I can go either way. Give my mouth a challenge. Leave my throat out of it. I mean, if I'm getting girth, I'm just going sausage then. I like it. Oh, sausage

is an excellent thing to have. But also those all beef Franks. Oh, boy. That's true. I like it's nice. That's true. Hell yeah. Yeah, those best hot dogs. You ever get those guys in the red package? Best's hot dogs? Oh, is there

a little like devil hot dog as the logo or something? I'm big on those Humboldts. Oh, the Humboldt. Yeah, that's my type. I think a little crisp when you hit it. Welcome back to the hot dog hour. I was just to do a hot dog podcast.

If you had seen this movie and saw these hot dogs and knew that we were doing an episode like, they're going to do 25 minutes on a hot dog. You know, you know it's going to happen. Totally Goldman. You know it's going to happen. I don't see any condiments either. We're just, we're dry dogging it.

It's fine. Dry dogging it. Yeah, that's a little risky. It's risky. If you want to pull out. Except here's the thing. though, if you are not necessarily using the hot dogs for straight

snackage and sustenance, but rather something to just soak up all the moose heads so you can get right back to it. Yeah, it's a good point. You don't want to fill up on, you know, pesky ketchup and mustard and onions. Stephen, Stephen, you have to check your eyes. This lady with the motorcycle hot dog has

a Richard Dreyfus in close encounters of the third kind-esque mountain of relish on this hot dog. That she's palming like this. like a fucking orangutan. Never huge on relish for whatever. Really? Me either. Wow.

At the pickle of the hot. I mean, I know it's a Chicago thing. It's nice for you folks. I don't, you know, I don't really, you know, it's funny. It's like I, you know, my parents are from Chicago. I was there as a child, but I never got on board with Chicago hot dogs. I'm just not into it. My father loved him, though. It's getting in the way. It is getting in the way. To the point of which, like, where's the hot dog? Oh, I just got the calories of the hot dog. I didn't know where. I didn't feel that hot dog, which why a dry dog. every now again, I think might actually be

a good solution. Because a Chicago hot dog is like when your parents made you dress up for something that you didn't really think you needed to dress up for. Yeah. Right. Like you'd get to the restaurant and it's like, what the fuck do I have a collared shirt on? Yeah. It's kind of the same thing. It's like with the Chicago dogs, which I will eat, but it's like

it's just a little too much accoutrema. At the end of the day, you're eating a fucking hot dog. The only thing that throws it off for me is the tomato. Yeah. That is the thing that just seems out of fucking left field. Like somebody was just drunk in the office when they were making this. They'd be like,

fuck it, put a tomato on it. So not so much for the Chicago hot dogs. The pizza, I like both kinds, deep dish and tavern style. Both are good. Here's a question that's relevant to the movie when it goes back. Later in the film...

No, we're talking about food. No, this is about hot dogs. Oh, good. Later in the film, someone discovers a human heart in the hot dog boils. I think I'd still eat one of those hot dogs. I wouldn't eat the human heart.

Would that give you like the cannibal, like fever, you know? Well, it's just people broth, though. It's people broth, but like, if it's cooking long enough and like all the little heart, you know, the human DNA things, right? Oh, sure, I ate a hot dog and now I have all

a Dave's memories. Fucking weird, man. Shit. His dad was an asshole. Wow, but Dave accidentally walked in on his mom naked a couple of times, man, and that ain't too bad. Give me some one of them

Dave dogs, dude. Oh, awesome. I always wanted to see Elvis Costello in concert. Just remembering this shit. Holy fuck. You remember in third grade when that kid Scott went missing in the woods? Well, after I ate this hot dog and achieved all of Dave's memories, found out Dave killed him. Oh, man, he fingered Mary Dickens.

This is fantastic. I'm so happy Dave is dead and I ate his soul. Mary Dickens. Mary Dickens, Paul. Hey, holy shit. Oh, man, I just read war in peace. This is amazing. You know, I probably wouldn't eat a human,

like a hot dog boiled next to a human organ. Probably not. Okay, here's the thing. On a grill, maybe. Because then you've got a little separation. Yeah, who knows who's touching what? But my whole question, though, Sure. Would you eat a hot dog that there was a human heart also boiling in the same pot?

Yeah. That's one question. But another way you could look at this is, would you eat a hot dog that was in the same event where a dude's face was boiled so hard he died? Yeah, that's also good because that's the same water too. You need the thing where after like they run in and they're like, oh my, because they're all hysterical at one point a little later than the film. Because you're worried about eye juice and boogers. Well, just in general, dude, like a face was. soaking till death. You boil the nose and the eyes. You get like, gelatinous, like

in a moment of panic, like, oh, fuck, I'm gonna die. Dave, like, vomited it. Yeah, uh-huh. You need the scene where there's, maybe it's Queen of the Relish

is just putting another hot dog right up to that mouth. And it's just like, oh my God, Dave was drowned of the hot dog water. Something's off here. No, you scoop a hot dog out of there.

It's got all the puke and a piece of a human heart on it. And you're like, oh shit, Chicago hot dogs. Yeah. Chicago style got a nose on here. They really do have everything on these. I mean, I might like it.

I might like the hot dog with the, like, it's like putting like the lemon and the rosemary and the chicken ass when you're doing your whole lot of chicken. Some taste, some profile there's a greasy face 19 year old though. It's different than lemon and rosemary. I don't want grease anywhere near my hot dogs. See, there you go. At the party, Axel and T.J.

finally get into it. I believe Axel takes a swing at T.J. And this is when Hollis fucking shuts this shit down. Oh my God. This is bohemist. It is like a grizzly bear rassling a couple of foxes, dude. He is just grabbing both of these guys. I think

he handled this badly. I know this is against everybody. I know everybody. I'm going to tell you what he should have done. He should have fucked Sarah right there. Wow. Right in front of both of them and said, look. Chris, does she have a choice in this? Look, you ask her, of course. of course. That's true. It's the

Hollis hog. Everyone's waiting for their turn to take a ride. Does Hollis, do you consider how else someone who would force himself on some? It doesn't seem so. He's a gentle giant. He seems like a gentleman. So I didn't consider that. So he just bangs around the day. Patty, Patty, listen, just give me a second here. I'm just, I'm going to put this to bed. I'm

teaching him a lesson, babe. This will fix it. Trust me. This will fix it. Patty, just remember, I'm teaching him a lesson. And then they just go, they go both cry down in the mind for the rest of the movie and you're fine. Sarah's off. She's meeting new guys. And, you know, maybe the Hollis hog, we get some sort of situation where it's like, hey, Patty, you know, let's work something out.

Maybe I can just get them every other weekend or something. It works. There's plenty of things to be done. It's a small little town. Hollis creates the world's first pollicule in a fucking mine area, a mine kitchen while fucking a lady. We'll all fuck each other. And we'll all look. Guys, I think, look, Steve, they don't all end in cults.

Not all of all. I know that. This is how the Branch Davidian started all. Everybody don't panic. We will all just fuck each other. We will get out of this alive. Hollis, we're not buried in here, man. We're just at the rec center.

It's wide open. In case the snow comes, you know? Got to be worried. What if the hot dogs run out? Well, that's a good thing is Hollis does not realize what happened to the hot dogs. Because then he would yak. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

So, like, the fight happens. The party kind of goes sour for a second after Hollis man handles everybody. And then they're like, you know, Howard's like, oh, let's have a fun party. He's do, he's snorting fucking beer up his nose. Oh, this is, uh, which dude. Howard. This is Howard. Yeah.

Yeah. Ha, ha, Howard. Yeah. And he goes, uh, he goes, uh, it's not beer. It's a soda. Oh, okay. Because he goes, oh, geez, the first time I snort coke, I almost drowned. Oh.

And this place, which is what you cannot do. starts going crazy laughing you can't encourage this shit no way well they're trying to get normal again after the big fight they're like he's like I'm store of Coke

isn't this normal doesn't everybody want to laugh it's a callback because he's we start the party scene somewhere and he doesn't you're like that's dumb and then yeah

when it's like oh douche chill like howl's just had to break up that fight he's like hey everybody remember my soda trick I'm gonna do the same thing and just dues the other nostril

and everyone's like yeah right he's doing it Not entirely unlike how I imagine Hollis might break up the problem between T.J. and Axel. I think he just has to kill Howard right now. Oh, dude. Just immediately, like, this is, this has gone on long enough. It's a burden to us all.

You are in this community kitchen situation, dude. This guy is totally obnoxious. You take, like, a leather face sledgehammer that you can get in the back and some draw and just bash that. It's already a corpse in the fridge. What's the wrong with having to do? Yeah. And you know you got tons of. of shovels and stuff and there's plenty of dirt

that you could wall them up in the mind you'd never go to jail well I mean I guess with the breathing apparatus is probably people might not even smell and they might need it's methane gases or something meanwhile John and Sylvia are like one and a half base here yeah and he takes

out that condom and she was shocked right that he's what even considering yes exactly the most advanced man in Valentine Bluffs it is it is a great exchanger because they're like making out and I guess like the locker room of yes yeah or something because they're all their like uniforms are here and whatever it's either that or it's the bench storehouse for the town because it's just a bunch of benches yeah I mean but they do have the the mining outfits that yes

and he's like go hey Sylvia pull on that pull on it and like one of the things falls out that's so amazing there's a great it might be my most favorite exchange in the movie where she Sylvia's like they're making out you know and she goes uh you know what we need and he's like yeah and this is where he pulls out the grody sat upon condom that's in his wallet and she goes no silly a couple of beers so he goes to get the beers they and this is like i guess the heart is happening here he witnesses the heart yes he does because he's watching like he opens the fridge like and like he doesn't see it no one sees it how many times and i for me i believe the answer is zero or you know fewer than two

have you guys reached into a fridge without looking at it at all and pulled out the exact thing you win well if it's filled with just only beer you know what I mean I'm a looker you know yeah I don't even like to eat anything in there I just like to watch but that's what I'm either way

it's hard once you open a fridge door it's hard not to look at the fridge I just don't know how I mean he must just be so horny yeah and he's got to get those beers that he doesn't see Dave dead in the fucking no a freezer here fridge or whatever Well, he's also, you know, he's tall as the jolly green giant there.

Oh, so we can't even see it. I can't even see it. Yeah. He's probably looking out over the field at that moment. And they find the heart and they're like, oh, someone was playing a prank anyway, more hot dogs. Oh, God. It's not like there's a legend of a heart-ripping maniac out there that might be here. They do a good job, too, of having this heart.

And maybe it was a real heart that they actually boiled because it is that boiled meat. Oh, I don't like that. I don't know how they put that quote-unquote prop together, but it seemed pretty legit to me. Yeah. Oh, super weird. I just ate this hot dog. Now I believe in Jesus.

Oh, I think I'm getting Dave's memories. Again, got it, got it. I got fangs thirsting for blood. Doesn't seem like a good thing. I'm not going to eat this anymore. Dave was a vampire. But meanwhile, this is what Sylvia is like, you know, John is that you? it's your classic, what's going on.

Oh, yeah. And now all these suits kind of start falling from the ceiling. This is very affecting the sequence. They all sort of fall down. They ape it in the remake, like they do a couple of sequences. And it's not as effective.

How many hot dogs in the remake? What are we talking? You know what? Zero hot dogs. Oh, you know what? It's a total. Dude, I docked at half a star. It's a hot dog movie.

It's a movie about hot dogs. Yeah. What the fuck? What kind of food do they have? Any finger food? Does anyone eating anything? I don't think we stopped for a meal in it. It was the odds, dude.

Everyone was starving themselves. That's true. I think maybe if you look... If you may look closely in the background, a couple of sequences in the remake take place at a grocery store

so maybe there's some out of focus hot dogs. Not the same thing. Do we get any food coming at us from the camera? I don't believe so. Oh, damn. No, but that movie is fucking

in it to win it with the late-aughts 3D boom. Love that. It's really funny to watch now. But yeah, all this stuff's falling down and this is when and apparently Chris's version like she really get

it's kind of cool. I like that they cut away and you come back and like John discovers her and she's turned into a water feature essentially. The out of focus thing works very well. Yes. I will say the actual murder also works very well. It just puts her on there kind of like just swings her up

and puts her head like it's beautiful. Pretty wild and awesome. I mean like the reveal is like it's just this tiny little pan and you can see it's like her puppet mouth or whatever. No like facial features. It's all like silhouette. But you can see the pipe jutting

out of the mouth and like pseudo red water. Yes. It's really well done. Yeah. And then John freaks the fuck out. Oh, this dude's never going to be the same again. At this point Hollis and everyone went down to the mine to do their little tour.

Which is like, because they go to TJ like hey man, we're going down to the mind. He's like, don't fucking terrible idea. It's my dad's mind. What are you doing? There's some crazy thing where he goes, don't you stealing that fucking Cole, Hollis. Oh, no, the no women in the mind.

Yeah, he's like, Hollis, what are you doing? You know, the rule, no women in the mine. I guess he's just trying to stop him, you know. I mean, I'm sure his father says that all the time. I'm sure it's a real. They don't hire women. So, yeah, the only reason that a woman would be down there would be for something sexual.

Yeah. And then I want, you know, no one wants to slip and cum when they're fucking mining. No, no sex in the coal mine. Oh, my God. The canary's dead and whoop. Oh, Rick got a concussion because someone left some cum down here. How is you coming in the mine again? All right. So we're, oh, you know, sex is fine, but no come. All right? Clean up after yourself. It's crazy. You really do. You really do. By the way. It doesn't work here. Clean the cum off the floor with that. That's a rule for anywhere to, you know. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, listen, even at home. Clean up your cum. Sorry to be Jordan Peterson here.

At home. At the four guys. At the fucking Airbnb. Always clean up your cum. No, up yours, woke moralists. I'm leaving my cum everywhere. I will come in a five guys, burgers and fries. Oh, does Airbnb guest rules say to clean up my cum?

No. You're going to clean up your cum or my cum or whomever's come? put it in your rule book. Like I suck shit. He does suck a ton of shit. I guess like, to me, I'm like, I don't want to go to the mine. I want to hang out with the beer and the hot dogs. Yeah. I like Hollis doesn't want to do it, but the girls do. I guess if you were one of these ladies, all anyone's ever talking about is the mind this and the mind I guess you'd want to finally see it. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah.

But even though I wouldn't want to. But maybe not on the night, you know, the anniversary murder night and now we've canceled town activities like because of the murders. Yeah, that's a really good point. Hollis, you know, they get everybody in the little cart, you know, and he has a great line here. He goes, all right, everybody, remember keep your hands inside and pass

me that beer. I don't know that I go in a mine in general, but like going in the mines when I'm wasted, even if I was a professional minor, probably not a great idea. Oh, no. I think you have to prepare yourself, at least in

that situation to prepare yourself to die. I think that just as you're walking in there, be like, this is probably how I go out. They go down and it's a couple, I think Mike and somebody or other. Oh, yeah. Mike and whomever, some lady. Harriet or something. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Dude, it's the 80s

and you're making it with the lady named Harry my friend. Loving it. Loving that. Mike and Harriet. The dude, Mike, is like, hey, Hollis, we're going to go over here for 10 minutes and we'll meet you back to the elevator. And I was like,

I don't know, Mike, give yourself some credit here, man. Maybe 1520? No, he's realistic. And they get impaled by a Clarkscra. Very good corkscrew. We don't see it. Do you see the murder? You see the thing going up.

You don't see like the full. It's not like the other ones are made to be a gory kill. This isn't really. So they cut away anyway. You don't even see the drill part. You just see the aftermath. You see him like in the place. If you did see that, Paul McCartney would have been murdered that year.

That's exactly what would have happened. Meanwhile, Howard's doing another stupid prank where you start screaming like Harry Warden or whatever. Dude, you fucking asshole. Man. Who invited you, Howard? Seriously. It's the same thing with that dude Shelley in Friday the 13th, Part 3, where it's like, everyone is terrified of the urban legend thing.

And you doing the prank on the babe that you're crushing on. is not it's not going to get you late dude she's just going to be maddie it's not third grade anymore we're not pulling pig tails we're like buying concert tickets that's how that's what we're doing but it's not even like there's not even a single girl down there yes it's all couples yeah what do you think you're doing well Howard is down there with sarah though dude and they are not a couple so that's the thing he's like because they're the only ones that don't make job Hollis and Patty that makes sense right and then Mike and Kittridge or what's her name Harriet I mean, T.J. and Axel aren't exactly lookers, but Howard is nowhere anywhere near Sarah's league. No. T.J. I've been saying he's like, like, it sort of looks like Robbie Robertson. Yeah. Another famous Canadian. I can get that. I mean, like, that's things. He shouldn't be thinking that he can make. Even if you were like thought you could make it with Sarah. I mean, frankly, you deserve to die Howard because like you just saw all this go down over fighting over it. Like the situation is. complicated enough. Take your jokes and your dick and go back home.

Your jokes and your likely lackluster dick. Sure. Get out of here. Take the hike. You and your fucking busted cock, dude. Get out of here. A man's about to die. I didn't want to rub salt in the wound. But yeah, you're correct. He also pulls a, we're going to rip off the death reveal in Halloween

where the, where the boyfriend swings down behind her. It's like he fakes doing that, which Hollis thinks is fucking hilarious. Because there's set it. He also helps set it up a little bit. Like, oh, this is the oldest part of the mine. We don't come here anymore. Ever since that happened with Harry Warden.

And meanwhile, John reveals, oh, my God, Sylvia's dead. And then they find Dave at the same time. And everyone's like, holy shit. The rough cut is weird right here because we're down in the mine. And it's right after the 10 minutes thing. Harriet, hilarious line. She looks around this totally disgusting little area. And she's just like, wow.

I can't believe you work here. It's like, okay, whatever. But then it is like a smash cut to this blonde woman who we've not met once in the movie screaming about Dave in the fridge and everything. And then this dude, John runs out of the locker room with this other guy holding him. Like all of this chaos is happening after this really hard smash cut.

Like where is the scene where, you know, this blonde woman who, again, we've never met, finds date. Oh, I'm getting more hot dogs, Sally. And what is her opinion on hot dogs, too? Nobody knows. You'd be a chef, I would think. If she's handling the hot dogs, you would think she would be good at it. Definitely, not a cook, just a chef and a chef dealing with the hot dogs.

She better be not be splitting him down the middle. No, not a fan. Oh, I hate that. What are you buying for getting my dog for? Is that not Greta? I thought that was the, because that would make more sense for Howard staying in there because the girl he's been trying to badger this whole time is there. And, like, I thought that was her.

Maybe I'm wrong. Oh, I don't know. But Howard is down on these minds. Not someone that he's been sex. And TJ's like, oh, no, every old, Sarah's down in the mind and Axel. And the phone line's been cut. Oh, I'm sorry about the phone line. Oh, Vick, but I'm sorry about the phone line.

There's a great, uh, I think it's a TJ line or I think it's maybe an Axel line where he's just like, uh, all right, Harry's come back. Everybody get the fuck out. Yeah. And, like, Axel is zipping in and out of this mind because he's like, what, oh, my gosh, oh, no, everybody's, what's everybody running for? And it's like, oh, they, they killed all these people. And like, and Sarah's down in the mine. So then this is the, when T.J. and Axel go down to save everybody. Obviously, Axel's in on it. Hey, what's all the, I mean, you were hanging out here. What's with all the soot? What's all the cobwebs up in your hair there, Axel? What the, what the, the, It does work out nice. Don't worry, the blood's not mine. Let's get down there.

Let's figure out of it. The movie has been like... That's just ketchup from the hot dogs. The movie has been playing up like that it's down to either of them. Yes. And it's pretty cool that they're like, all right, we have to go in the mine and save them. And they're both wearing the money. So they're both going into the final act here dressed as the killer.

It's kind of neat. It's great. And when they get down there, they're realizing like certain things are cut. you can't come up. Axel they do this. This is when, unfortunately, my least favorite part of the movies, Hollis gets it. Boy, ever does he get it, dude?

Shot the head with this nail gun a couple of times. It's really unfair. Deep. One on the side, what in the front, it's pretty bad. And he stumbles out. I mean, he's got that great Hollis energy. So he stumbles out of there still on his two feet. But of course, then Patty sees him and she just goes

off the defense. She's done for the rest of the movie. Yeah, she's like going crazy. But what I would do in this scenario is I'd cut Hollis's heart out, run upstairs, start cooking it with some dogs. What did that guy? What was that guy's a life like? Oh, that's. Let me live some of those memories. Yes, exactly.

The Hollis knowledge, dude. Then you would know how to fucking boil meat on a fucking engine block. Yes, I'd know that. So many survival skills such as that cooking in a dryer maybe. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's how Hollis was that good at eating pussy. Got it. You would be the best lover.

on earth. Oh, no. Oh, no. He's following the Grateful Dead on tour. Oh, no. Someone. Someone help me. The memory won't stop. One was fine, but this is the one. Oh, fuck. It was the concert with the famous 45-minute playing in the band jam. Of course, the live in Dirt Canada, you know. Wow. Wow. Getting him eating a sandwich. Him eating a sandwich. Him eating a sandwich. Him eating a sandwich. He'm eating a sandwich. I'm eating another sandwich. Him eating a lady. Him eating a sandwich. Him eating two

sandwiches at the same time. Him eating two ladies at the same time. It's not so bad. Not so bad. Happy Halloween Hollis. But so he's dead and like this is when like it's just it's Sarah Howard and

and TJ and everybody. We're trying to do this thing and like Axel's like all right you've to forward the way. You guys go first. I'll be right behind you. Oh, no, I fell in the water. I'm dead now.

Oh, no. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm dead now. I can't do anything for him. It's 60 feet deep. I did not understand this at all. Aside from this dude just wants to be like, well, my romantic rival drowned.

Does it like suck you? I guess like if you fall all the way down, it's hard to get back up. Yeah, there might be a rope or a rope ladder or something. Why aren't we swimming? Why is swimming out of it? I guess because it's like a pipe. It's like you go down completely.

You might not be able to swim up. I don't know. It sounded like there was like a quick scent that like it sucked you down. It's all fake anyway, right? It's just he threw a rock in it or something. I'm sorry I did that. Yeah, I thought it was just a big thing of Tim Horton's coffee. I really was thirsty.

Who, this new bottomless cup? They ain't kidding. Slurp, slurp. How did you get this much creamer in there? it's important to point out that when Hollis eats shit the killer comes around the corner and this is when fucking

Howard is just like he's dead let's get the fuck out of here you know and Patty's like no I give him up and then this dude Howard just runs off and Sarah's like you fucking coward he's doing the thing because he's trying to justify it to himself where he keeps looking back like come on we're doing this right

to his credit it's like, why are they just standing there watching the killer approach? Yeah, I agree. No, I mean, come on. Come on. He's dead. And she's just like, no, I'm going to die too. Well, yeah, I mean, at that point, Sarah, I understand it's your best friend, but Patty might

have to die. Yeah, it's about to die. I'm going to push, push her towards the killer and run. I understand the Patty freak out. She's losing it. Sure. You know, lost her lover fries short of a happy meal. I did the same thing when Hollis died.

in my own house. No! Yeah, I had to climb a ladder after watching this and I just put it to do it. Don't leave him there. Don't leave him there. The ladder thing is just where that's when you're yelling at Patty. Like, come on, Patty. You got to get, because we do like an airplane slap to Paddy's.

Sarah doesn't. Like, come on, let's do it. They start going. And, yes, it's like, oh, the only way up because the elevator lines are cut. We have to take this ladder. and oh man it's just the most exquisite thing we're climbing this ladder and all of a sudden

out of nowhere ha Howard with a fucking rope around his neck comes flying down and the impact point when the news tightens around his neck is right in front of all these girls and this dude's head rips off splatters them all with blood

and then continues to fall you see the headless corpse fall and hit the ground at the bottom you see the impact it's amazing And then, like, T.J's like, oh, yeah, let's, let's go down then. Let's move it on down. And when they go down, they are stepping off this ladder onto this decapitated corpse. Don't look at him. Don't look at him. Just step right over it. Don't even look at it. No, just don't even look at it, Patty. Doesn't exist. He's gone now. It's like a video game. He disappears.

To honor him, we're going to take his heart, boil it with a hot dog, and we'll all remember all of his bad jokes, okay? Maybe I'll be able to do the diet cola thing there for you. make you gals laugh about it. Oh, no. He lost it. Pong. Now I want to kill John Lennon. Oh, no. He was stalking Robin Williams. Oh, no, that's not good.

Oh, I think I've been eating too many of these hot dogs. I'm turning into a window go here, everybody. Oh, yeah, a little bit of window go there. Oh, white hair. Yep, that's it. That's how it happens. It's after this that the dude to Axel takes the header into the water and vanishes. And then like, oh, my God, what's going to happen?

the miner reveals himself. But meanwhile, the sheriff is like, am I in the movie? Nah, I'm not going to make up his mind. He's in the movie, sort of. But eventually him and some other, like, older, adult or minors are trying to run down the tunnel. They're bringing all the guys, the old timers out of retirement, dude. It's like, we, all right, Jasper, look, we know that you swore to never go into the mines

again, but all the youthful miners are either dead or down there in the mine about to be murdered. and so we need to come out. Good riddage. Oh, God. Okay. How do I convince him? Frankenstein's bad. He's out in the mind. Harry Warden, remember him? You want to go beat his fucking skull in? Let's go. Totally. Yeah, totally. We have one shot of the sheriff. Like, he's driving the car. And it's like, oh, who shot the sheriff? Oh, well, you know, you'll find out. Bob Marley. It was not me. No, he's driving. driving and like the radio operator calls in it's like oh

Ms. Raleigh from the institutes on the phone blah blah blah blah and then like you don't see this dude again for like 15 minutes and it's only when all the kids who escaped the party like get back to town and they're all like crying and throwing up and everything and they tell him like

oh you know Harry's back and he's at the mine and this dude issues an order for all available men anyone who can hear me on the radio get to the mine immediately. I would just be like, turn that radio off. Sorry, Sheriff. It's Valentine's Day. Here's the Chattanooga Choochoochoo.

Come on, Renee. Let's dance. Say kids down in the back. Buffalo girls, won't you come out tonight? Come out tonight. Come out tonight. Come out tonight. Happy Valentine's Day. Won't you come out tonight? 1981? Saturday Live is about to start. Thank you very much. Sorry. Oh, CTV is about to come on the television. Oh, Mark Harmon's hosting tonight.

Dude, 1981, Buckin, S&L, though. Look out, dude. Featuring Randy Quay, Julia Louie Dreyfus, Billy Crystal. This guy we found on the street. The guy who cooked my hamburger today. See, it was easier back then to make it in comedy. It was. That was, it was just, you got right. in there. The hamburger guy was fucking

funnier than Jim Belushi's run on SNL. That's true. There you go. But so this is when it's the final battle between I don't think Axel's been revealed yet or not. It's just, he's just the evil minor. You still think Axel's dead. Yeah, he's about to be revealed. Pickax

V. Shovel, the ultimate conversation. Exactly. I'm glad that we have a few instances in this in this film just to try to weigh which is better, which is worth. I think I give the edge to Pickax. Yeah, Pickax for sure. Shovel will give you a little something. Do you ever see that awful, awful, awful remake of The Vanishing with Jeff Bridges?

No. It ends. And I don't know. I've actually never seen the actual original, the OG vanishing. Oh my God, Steve. It's the best. It's literally the best movie. But I just know that the movie is bad.

Jeff Bridges eats shit. Spoiler. Yeah. By Kiefer Suggled puts a shovel through his mouth. Oh, sure. And like kind of impales him onto a tree. That's awesome. May I tell you in the remake of this movie,

that happens to a woman at the beginning of the film. Oh, there you go. Because the first 10 minutes, the interesting thing about the way they... The way that they repositioned some of the shit in this... The remake is the hairy guy has the freak out like in the time of the movie. So you're watching it happen.

So you see his total fucking killing spree. Gotcha. Which does include this girl just gets a shovel to the jaw. at a mine you know we're having a party at the mine it's kind of like it takes the third act of this movie and puts it at the beginning and makes it the inciting incident

and this dude is just going around fucking slaying all these teenagers in the mines that's awesome pretty fun I was like did I just turn on and like shutter went to the end of the movie and it was like nope nine minutes and 10 seconds not too bad so it's worth seeing

you're saying I would say check it out not great and not as good as this we're fighting on top of a mine card it's the mind cart level, which is always difficult. You want to do it to fucking 16 times. Indiana Jones and short round go buy them on the other track. Well, here's the thing. Both Temple of Doom and the Donkey Kong country franchise lied to me.

Because I was to believe by playing all of those games and watching that movie that those things are moving at breakneck speed. I think Ducktails had a hand in this at one point. This is like a gag out of an Austin Powers movie. They're like running away from the killer. It's like, get out of the fucking car! And this thing's just like, slow mode

I would have the steamroller joke yes oh yes that's what it is I would imagine that this movie's closer to reality

because why would they go that fast you know yes yes you're right that Steve but be okay there was a

spiked bumblebee that they jumped over and they collected a K that was made of gold and Howard exploded into all those coins earlier

so all these violent video guys gotta go kill Ringo Star after us Yeah, it turns out The killer was hepped up

I'm playing Donkey Kong country And he just felt the urge to kill Oh no Being murdered Peace in love and bananas You're playing Donkey Kong country with me head You know it's not easy Oh no you're playing me head

Like a bongo like that drum game That ill-begotten Donkey Kong drum game Oh yeah Congo fuck around What is that? They did like a garage band thing? They did. Yeah. That's exactly that.

That's insane. Please buy more of our shit. Please buy more of our shit. Oh, please. The dude who's ready to sell off his non-existent child for that Zelda sequel. That's a game. Not a fucking pair of fake bongos. Oh, got it.

So it's a controller issue. Yeah, a controller. Okay. You can go somewhere in a game. Oh, there's different kinds of games. Where do you go in a game, Chris? There you go. You have an adventure. Sounds like it's feeding you murder fantasies.

Oh, is it? Yeah. That's surprising. Oh, no, you broke too many swords in the new Zelda game and you're murdering me for it. Dude, I was about to. On that first one. If there was a beetle present, you would have killed one? And I don't think I'm going back to that new.

You let me know if every single weapon falls apart instantly. And if it doesn't, maybe I'll play that new one. No, Eric, you have to actually cook your own. food. I'm being murdered. Oh, no, I'm being murdered with a huge spiky bee. You use the blue fish with the milk

and then it turns into a chap. Peace and love, rest in peace, rest in pace. Peace and love, I'm being killed by a jacked up crocodile. Axel is revealed to be a minor. Sure. they like kind of

they just kind of shove them off here how does it happen what do they well they like pull his mask off and then like the they're in this air this side danger area that like it's going to collapse so it starts collapsing on him throws a rock at his head

yeah and then everything starts to collapse because he's also been like chasing after them swinging the pickax and like pulling down a lot it's pretty I mean the pickax fight is pretty cool I'm not trying to undersell it and they do a great thing here that the film itself undercuts minutes later

which I was disappointed by but like the reveal of Axel and this isn't the line but someone is like Axel why and you just get this brief like you know you know wiggly framed flashback of he's a little kid

and Harry whatever the fuck murdered his dad his dad was one of the minor guys silent night deadly night logic yes totally and we've seen that shock before but then we like move down and we see like you see the kid under the bed but what sucks

is like you get everything right there they don't say anything it's like that dude just sort of like thinks about it or whatever or maybe someone ate a hot dog and his fucking soul was in it that's why they thought about it yes but it's just this quick shot I was like that's really great yeah and then like a few minutes after like everything has died down you got the fucking mayor who's just like oh well Axel's father was murdered by Harry all those years ago and I was like I know Dickhead I'm watching the movie well also they take that moment to give you an extra bit of a confusing bit

from that flashback where all of a sudden the kid is covered in blood. Well that's actually kind of cool now that I'm thinking about it if this Quentin Tarantino thing is to believe that it's his favorite slasher. That's the same shot in Kill Bill in the cartoon with what you call it with O'Rinishi

the cartoon. The sword of the bed. Yeah, yeah. Totally right. Axel, Axel stop rolling around into blood. Stop doing that. That's your father's blood. That's why he was strange and that's why eventually he killed. And we also get the sheriff here saying that, oh, yeah, no, the asylum got back to me. He's been dead for five years.

Oh, yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah, or they beat him to death, you see. Yep, yeah, died in the shower. The line that the mayor has is, I mean, it's actually worse than I was remembering it. He just says, oh, yeah, well, it was on Valentine's Day that Harry Warden killed Axel's father. I was like, oh, you threw in the date, did you? Was it a bloody event? Valentine asshole, because that's the movie of watching.

Was it in Valentine Bluffs in Valentine County, Canada? Valentine County. And that was the day that Michael Myers said, fuck, fuck. Axel Roman was born.

That's the son of fucking big. But something like, oh, he's still down there. We got to go get him. And this is when like, it's kind of, it's a cool little end. I like it's really abrupt.

Now he's Phantom of the Mind. It is cool because he's like, His arm is ripped off. It's so cool. And he's like, Oh, Sarah, you're my Valentine, my bloody Valentine. It's pretty great.

Me and Harry are going to kill everyone in the town. I-ha-ha. Harry Warden's gone away. Harry Morden made you pay. And then he runs back down into the mind to presumably bleed to death instantly. Yeah, totally. And I just love,

it just ends with him laughing over this, like, folk song that the music director of the movie, like, wrote for it. On Valentine's Day. Playing the lute now Like we're in the fucking town From the Wicker man It is

The Lutes going on You know You're telling an urban legend Through song dude That's exactly what we have I love this little folks song It's kind of pretty cool It's pretty cool

And I gotta say there's some things On the IMDB trivia About like why this soundtrack Hasn't been put out And it's like The people who own the rights The music keep saying like There's not enough interest

To get it put out anywhere And I'm like hey man You give this mission to Mando those fuckers put up chopping mall score. They'll figure it, I bought that. I would buy this. Or even wax work, a lower level. We're raising awareness right now.

I should emphasize my disinterest in that. The music that's going on here, it's not fart rock. It's fart country. It's not like, it's like, Waylon Jennings' cousin trying to make a buck. Like, Edmund Jennings wrote all the fucking songs for this, and they're just in the background. It's fine, but again, why not just listen to whaling? The score stuff, though, not just the tunes with vocals. The score has an interesting thing where every kill has a different kind of theme to it.

Like every death scene, the dude worked on a different tune. So I agree with you. I don't need to hear the he-haw shit. Just give me the score. And at the end of it is the folk song. I would buy that record and never listen to it. Like I've done with so many fucking music scores. I've been the same way.

Oh, this looks so cool into my record collection. never listen to it. That's a movie I like. That's kind of it, dude. That's it. I got to tell you, I go in for film scores on vinyl. I have a shit ton of them. I have a shit ton too. I have the carpenter themes. Oh, yeah. Carpeters, I will listen to.

Carpenter stuff. I've got like Khan, Chud, chopping mall, the first night right now. I got a bunch of them. You know, the horror ones, you kind of only put on in August. If I could get a one like a single of just the Beverly Hills cop theme, then I'd have to. I'm sure you can find a 45 of the song

Axel F recorded by somebody else. That is the end of this movie. Go around the horn here. Final thoughts and recommendations. Eric Siskin. Yes, I think it's good and I think you should check it out. It is a kind of like a horror classic, even though it's obviously derivative of Halloween and the like. But it's got good kills apparently better than I knew. Oh, man. It's got a hot. dog's galore. You can't go wrong. It's a lot of fun. Chris Cabin. Oh, yeah. I'm

just going to reiterate what he just, I mean, it's a very good slasher. It is it is just part of the boom of the holiday slasher thing we were doing at the time. It's better than most of them. Sure. And good, as it's in the unrated version, some really good kills that I really appreciated. I like that. Yeah,

similar. Like it's, it's your creaky POV slasher thing. You know what I mean? But again, I do the texture here, the mind setting, the mind town situation. even again a love triangle which usually does not work this worked for me it's it's a pretty solid little story it's 90 minutes flat you're out a lot of good kills a lot of fun yeah totally no i'm not going to say anything different i will say again though just to reiterate while i don't think

it's better the remake was better than i remembered it being which was the only other time was in 2009 when chris and i went to see it in 3d at the rest in peace uh regal union square yes and a bunch people applauded when Tom Atkins came on screen and I was like, dude is not here for a Q&A, don't do that. I didn't understand it then, but I might have done it now. Now that I've really familiarized myself with the Atkins

catalog. Like, now I might do that. Just like woo-hooing for a person that ain't there. I just never got behind that. But that is going to do it for our episode on My Bloody Valentine. For more we hate movies. Of course, check out patreon.com slash we hate movies. Where this month

we have a WLM all on the Big Lebowski. Sure do. We got that going on. We have a, what is the once in a lifetime? Once a lifetime is sleepwalking in suburbia. Oh, yeah. If you want more sexy stuff, but not around the holidays.

We got an episode on Gargoyles coming out on animation, damnation. People have been really excited about that. I like this, dude. We have yet to record that. As of this recording, we're recording it tomorrow. I have not watched this cartoon in a really long time. I'm excited to get back to it. And we're also recording Count Dukudu.

tomorrow. We're going to talk about Count Duku on the Gleap Glouclery, our Star Wars side show. That's right. And if you have not checked out this month's Melro 210 yet, it is an explosive episode, especially in the Melro's place camp. That episode is really, really something we talk all about it. And a 902 and no, that's another fucking St. Brandon of the week, piece of shit episode. But with plenty of its own merit. And also every Monday, of course, we're on YouTube broadcasting live. Mondays at noon Eastern. on screen live where we were talking about box office figures, things

were catching in theaters, and if the internet gods allow it, having the fuck forbid talking about trailers without getting kicked off the air. And actually, yeah, yesterday we just revealed the entire lineup for March. So you want to go back and watch that if you haven't already. That's right. When you're sending us the

messages on Twitter or wherever like, hey, when you guys do in the drawing, it already happened. It was on Monday. Go to YouTube.com slash we hate movies. Check out that. episode. And while you're there, subscribe to the channel. Get that notification bell. Click to make sure you know exactly when we are dropping new content on that channel. Now, next Tuesday, the final episode of February, before we get into listener request month, Steve Sadek,

what are we talking about? Oh, it's just a couple of chubby little ninjas. It's three ninjas. I can't wait to revisit this. I have not seen this in forever. It's going to be one of those things where I'm watching this movie and I'm going to be like, oh, like it's all going to come rushing back to me. I've not seen this since Clinton was in office, at least. I always hated this one. Always, even as a little kid, I just couldn't handle it. I was like, I hate these kids. Oh, whoa, whoa, save some for next week.

I'm just let everybody know. Well, that's totally fine. But until next week, when we save some of it for then, I'm Andrew Chupin. Steven Siddak. Eric's sister. Chris Gavin. Take it easy.

That was a hit-gum That was a hit gum podcast.