We Hate Movies - S13 Ep661: 3 Ninjas

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

On this week’s episode, the guys are chatting about the obnoxious Kid Power triumph, 3 Ninjas! Is there an unrated version of this movie that’s more violent? Like where Tum-Tum gives a guy a Colombian Neck Tie or something? How terrible is the score to this film? And is this grandfather trying to raise an army of little domestic terrorists? PLUS: Couldn’t we get a Snyder/Grandpa in-the-early-days movie?  3 Ninjas stars Michael Treanor, Max Elliot Slade, Chad Power, Rand Kingsley, Alan McRae, Margarita Franco, Joel Swetow, Kate Sargeant, Professor Toru Tanaka, Patrick Labyorteaux, and Victor Wong as Grandpa; directed by Jon Turteltaub. Check out the WHM Merch Store featuring new Grab-Ass & Cancer, SW Crispy Critters, MINGO! & WHAT IF Donna? designs! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/whm and get on your way to being your best self. Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Well, this week on the program, it's a film that has more kicks to the nuts than Jackass Forever. It's three ninjas. I'm beer belly. God. Short shit. Three Eric Ciscus. Weasel and we hate movies. Hello, Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. we're talking about three ninjas from 1992 directed surprising to me by John Turtle Top. Oh, you got a turtle top there. A little bit of a

turtle top, early Turtle Top. Yeah. Was this one of his first then, eh? Yeah, Turtle Top begins, I think. Nice. And then, I mean, you know, there's a lot of promise in this film, so I see why he was recruited by the bigger leagues. I mean, he knows all the major benchmarks of childhood

pizza, pizza crimes. specifically. Diarrhea cups, of course, major, major thing you do know. Martial arts that you don't really have to know just for like, you could just cut around it, just swinging your arms and legs a lot. That'll do it. And, you know, I guess hijinks in general. Also, a crime syndicate. Of course, a crime syndicate. Of course, vague crime, vague drugs trade, crime trade. This case, arms trade, but I just noticed he also directed with his first one, think big from 1989, which is. is a stay tuned starring the Barbarian

Brothers and one, John Caradine and Martin Moll, my God, I love that movie in a bad way. I've never finished a Barbarian Brothers movie. It's like always, I mean, I think I always start too late. Yes, they're a tough ride, tough hang.

Yeah, the big dudes, they're tough. Muscle bound, you might say. Dude, what is this movie he did after that, though? But right before this, uh, 1991's driving me crazy with Billy D. Williams and some fucking German guy I'll sign me up

I'll be there I'll be there in just a little time look at this shit uh Billy D Williams Dom Deloise this guy Thomas Gottschalk and Morton Downey Jr. And George Kennedy and James Tolkien. Milton Burrell Richard Mall Tiny Lister. Eric is about to leave

the podcast to go watch this movie. I'm absolutely leaving the podcast. Oh wow. An eccentric East German inventor and defector travels to Los Angeles. Look out. You know what? Autour. I'll say it. I mean, following up three ninjas with cool runnings,

my God, this guy is on fire. Have you taken a trip to the museum at night, Eric? Have you had a night at the museum? Quick, real quick. Speaking of cool runnings, but I was at a Nick game a couple weeks ago and both

they do Celebrity Row and like they show, but they do Celebrity Road, they'll always show a clip of whatever they're going to be doing. And it's a clip from Cool Runnings. And it's Leon and Dougie Doug talking. I'm like, oh, probably get some Dougie Doug here. Uh-uh. They were there and they were together, both Leon and Dougie Doug.

Wow. The crowd went fucking crazy. I said that fucking ape show. Are you kidding me? That's awesome. They're hanging out, having a good time talking about talk. They were probably talking about Turtle Top. Oh, of course.

Did anybody ask Leon about above the rim or not so much? Probably not. No. Okay. Kevin, what were you saying John Turtletop did? Because I think you met

National Treasure. Oh, is he national treasure? What were you asking? Eric, if you saw him? You were saying Night at the museum. Oh. Is that him?

I thought that was in. I guess it's not. But no, he did. Who done it did a museum? Who done did night at the museum, Chris? Yes. That's what I would like to know.

You know what? Before we get even further off the rails, I want to hit play really quickly. Sean Levy. coming soon to theaters yeah it's the VHS trailer game america's favorite game about obsolete materials i am your game master and these are my clues we're a shortish one here but i did want to keep to our my new year's resolution oh and stop going to the gym no incorrect and uh do a VHS trailer game at least once a month we had one in january we're going to have one in february and you know what we're going to have one in march and then April as well. So how do you like that?

You're batting a thousand. Exactly. So let me just pull up the rankings here. The rank or. Well, you don't have to do that. I don't know if you have to do this. I mean, it's Chris.

I love this whole like, it's embarrass me every time we do this game. I mean, you know, you want to keep everyone knowing what's going on. I'm the guy on Jeopardy with negative 20,000. No, you'll be able to play Final Jeopardy, Derek. Don't worry about it.

That's always the saddest part. I was like, And Rebecca, you will not be joining us for Final Jeopardy. Oh, Rebecca, it's a study hall for you. Put your head down on your desk. Rebecca, don't let the door hit you on the way out. I'm trying to remember, though. Do they make those fuckers just stand there? No, no, they're gone.

It's dark. There's a darkened booth for them. The fallen. Chris has 28 points. Eric is 18. Eric has 10. And you know what? We're going to come back here.

Wait, wait. You said Eric twice. Which one has 18? Eric has 4 billion points. You said 18 for me and then 10 for me. So that's 28. So I'm back and neck with Chris Cab. No, incorrect.

Chris says 28. Andrew has 18 and Eric has 10. Wow. Hey, Andrew, you're finally legal. Oh, hell yeah. I had a countdown clock for that. Speaking of finally legal, I pulled a picture of John Turtle Tau, he looks like Ryan Johnson's older brother.

Okay, there you go. But like you go over to play at Ryan Johnson's house and you'd be like, shh, quiet. My brother John Turtle Tops upstairs. It's like really shitty like music coming from his room or something. Only two this time. I'm not going to go to the rules. Everybody knows how this fucking game is played. 5,4, 3,2.1.

If you buzzed incorrectly, you're out of the round. Thought you weren't going through the rules. I know, but I wanted to do it real quick. I changed my mind. loves rules. This is just a fascist fantasy he's living through with this game. Round one of two. Sure. Game Masters Clue. Excellent. A live action road movie where humans are not the stars. Celebrity voices keep this coherent. But their mouths aren't with Eric Siska. Homeward bound. Yes. Big five points of Eric Sisks. Wow.

Dude, I will give you Eric Siska. Yes, sir. One bonus point. If you can give me the, the, uh, What do you call it in the subtitle? It's Homeward Bound, colon. Ooh. When Nature calls. The incredible journey. Dang. There was a sequel, wasn't there?

Like Lost in San Francisco or something? Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I've seen both of those movies like a thousand times. So much so that I, when I saw, because I knew that there's a sequel, I was like, oh, is this the sequel? But it looks like the first one. Why is there a fucking subtitle?

Subtitles for first movies are not the best scenarios. You know what I mean? It does quite confusing. I want to say, am I remembering this right? I think Homeward Bound is a remake of a movie called The Incredible Journey. Is that right, Chris Gavin? Oh, that's an interesting question.

I have no idea. Oh, I thought I could be totally making that up. Homebubound, The Incredible Journey. I'm pulling it up. Yeah, so anyways, so that's great, exciting. This is what a Don Amici's last movie's, FYI, if you wanted to, yeah. Oh, yeah, dude.

So much so that he died. died and then they replaced the fucking voice actor with someone else and by the way I was totally right 1963 is The Incredible Journey Oh interesting I see it's credited to the novel

on IMDB Oh interesting Not crediting the original film But the novel Oh you know I went to the Absolutely useless movie connections page That's the and it's not featured on there You know there has been

There's been a lot of destruction on IMDB the infrastructure's falling apart faster than U.S. railroads. But I'll tell you one thing, the place that it has really gone downhill the most is the functionality of all the connections and everything. They have moved shit around. Listen, the first thing I want is the fucking follows or comes before up top. The rest of the reference, I don't give a fuck if they reference the incredible journey in an episode of Tiny Tunes from 1992. I don't care. Why is that first? it's insane remake of there it's all the way down it's all the way down it's crazy it's bullshit it's you know Pete Buttigieg I mean fix a lot of other stuff first Mr. Buttigieg but then get to the

IMDB maybe take a trip to Ohio maybe just quickly sure sure but does that IMDB falls under transportation I think it does well I think it's like infrastructure right well dude it's the information super highway it's infrastructure week it's good we're we're carpooled on the information super highway. Okay, here we go. Second and final round. Here we go. Game Masters Clue. A fish out of water comedy hit that features two high school losers trying to coast off the popularity of their special friend who just so happens to be nominated for an Oscar this year. That's Eric Siska again. Oh my goodness. And Sino Man? That's 10 big points for Eric Siska. there it is

Sir Pat now Eric is in second place and could stop complaining all I had to do was go to a bar before the show and I am

I'm hitting a thousand here I'm eat shit Chris no I won't you know what on the on the trivia it says

that but all three stars Polly Shore Sean Aston and Brendan Fraser would be open to a Disney plus sequel and yes the answer is yes

I just want to I just want to see it just do whatever that is do whatever they want to do. See if Sean Ashton finally finish that pool. What an idiot. He makes his own pool

in that movie. It's so dumb. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I buried mom and dad there instead. Yeah. It's a better use of the land is to just bury mom and dad and sits there. Of course. And the dog. I can't imagine Link would live another

20 years. There's no fucking way in hell. Whatever caveman disease that he had. I mean, unless they got have really inoculated immediately after he was revealed to be he would probably spread all kinds of diseases that would work both ways absolutely he maybe that's the sequel

is like Link has accidentally decimated society because of like some caveman's stomach flu that he gave that girl like Brontosaurus STDs or something the fucking fungus between his toes was the thing that started Last of Us there it is that's totally

absolutely how man so three ninjas i gotta tell you i didn't like this as a kid i don't like it now fuck this kid power shit i i kind of agree i never i always hated the kid power i always knew this is an inferior uh bastard child of home alone and the karate kid and i'd rather watch both you know what i mean that's true those are prestige pictures you're talking about there to see you know pay some compliments here you know we're in the business of paying compliments these days. That's right. It moves along fast enough for me. I don't think it's good. It is

dumb, which points to that. Sure. I mean, that's the thing. Dumb and fast, Chris. That's how I like it. Well, that's why we all like it, I think. And I think what really, I watched this movie a couple times as a kid. And I definitely think it was the dumb, the surfer guy, robbers. that whole sequence, that made me laugh a lot. As a kid, I could remember that making me laugh a lot. And like, honestly, I could say that for sure this got me.

I actually started taking martial arts not long after this. Oh, there you go. And so it was, it did inspire me a little bit. I can't say now we're watching it. I was shivering, but it was, it was real terror that went over me as watching it now. I got to say, especially because it starts with us finding out that Rocky, the eldest brother, is a grammar Nazi. Oh, yeah. He's like all over this kid trying to fucking say the right thing.

It's just like, actually, no, it's this way. I'm like, it's fucking kids. Well, this is why you don't have more than one little kid start a dumbass opening narration to your movie. Because they're just fighting in the recording booth. Yeah, I know. Also, you don't need an opening narration either. I mean, like, you do get to see grandpa. train his child soldiers

here. It's disturbing, right? Dude, this grandpa, man, if he'd lived long enough, I think he's trying to stop the steel. Definitely. He's training fucking militias in the backyard and stuff. Rocky, Colt, you will be part of the Mujahjadin.

You're not going to let them take it from us. Are you Rocky and Colt? I named you a gay. Come on, Tom, Tom, Tom. We're going to Afghanistan. you know if January 6th they had a bunch of ninjas running around might color my by by by depiction of that event you know better in a positive more positive way it's negative of course

and it would still be negative but at least there was ninjas going around I was like well you know so I guess you know I love this movie because it's not like this is like obviously in karate kid it's like oh you know Daniel we're I want to teach you all this stuff but you're going to do all the stuff for my house it's a cute little thing where we're learning both carpentry and karate. These kids are trained to kill. Like that is, there is no two ways about it. It's like, no, go for the throat. Always.

Dude, he is teaching them the fucking like seven point touch of death at the end of this movie, whatever's going on. Light up the, you know, hit the lights or whatever, like the practice dummy thing. He's training these kids to kill. You're absolutely right. But also, he is just setting up hell on earth for any woman who decides, or anybody

who decides to partner with any of these kids, because he's waking him up with a feather to the nose. Oh, yeah. Light thing. So then in the future, Rocky and TomTom, just something just passes their nostrils like, what's there? What's that? Oh, yeah, dude. Like, he's creating

little like hair trigger people. Right. Not to, not to mention all the smoke bombs and so on and so forth. Oh, God. Because I'm wasting all of that like home spices on your little pepper bombs and whatnot. It's, it's a, so it's, yeah, it's an opening montage of, like, them being trained,

etc. Which ends in, like, you have to murder your old man? Like, they have to fight him, which is kind of amazing. It's sort of like the opening of, uh, enter the ninja. You know, this is like a big ninja graduation kind of thing. Yeah. Also, they go out of their fucking way, out of their fucking way to, like, address up front, look, we have a Japanese grandfather.

No one else of this fucking family has a Japanese. these lineage whatsoever. It's amazing. And he's also played by a Chinese actor, so there you go. That's true. And then there's a photo of the grandmother who was a white lady, and then the daughter is, I think,

a Mexican-American actress? Which is so insane. Like, you that's where you fucked. I mean, you fucked up all over the place. These kids are white as snow. I would rather they be Asian kids. That'd be great. Or, you know, even like kids with Asian heritage. But we're not doing that. But like,

You need to cast a woman. Pick someone with Asian heritage. It would be fine. But how about if we don't do that? How about if we decide to not do that? And not even be able to live up to the standards of sidekicks. It's very true. It's 90 whatever.

And they're like, I don't know. Here's a casting call for an ethnic actress. It doesn't have to be anything. Just something not exactly, you know. I absolutely agree with this movie. So dumb that it's just like. like you almost gets a pass because it's like a bear it's like not even a cartoon level of competence here you know oh yeah yeah but if you were drawn a fucking cartoon they'd probably

draw an Asian woman to play the mom almost certainly just put that out there almost certainly draw it a little dicey too you know oh yeah I'm sure yeah no yeah look we're never going to win with three ninjas right everybody loses uh the kids are about to land the death blow on grandpa but grandpa does do the uh it would be cruel if it was like into the ninja where he gets decapitated but it's like a fake decapitation thing. Yes, and they all freak the fuck out. Like they think it's all just a gentle training thing

and he does some incredible ninja theatrics and they're like screaming. Holy shit, we fucking kill Grandpa! And then, dude, he really lets it go. Like he lets them wait like overnight thinking they've decapitated this man and they're like sitting at the house like arguing about if they're going to call the cops

or whatever. And it just turns into a really awesome like single location. horror movie. He cackles like a demonic trickster when he's like up into the thing. Like he's ha ha ha! Grandpa got you. Yes. Now the grandfather uses a smoke bomb to get away from his grandson's

amazing ninja advances. And he's got this great line that's like an ember in time of next time try attacking in a non-smoking section. Oh, there you go. Boy. That's the good stuff. That was like that joke

by the early odds that was gone, right? smoking sections on restaurants, airplanes, like 1999. So that joke had seven years of life on VHS before it was completely irrelevant. It is so weird. I remember being in a McDonald's and some lady just smoking next to my table and my dad being like, ma'am, could you not? Totally, man. Like you're already at McDonald's.

Do you need to be smoking in here too? Oh, man. Yeah. Having a Big Mac and smoking. Boy, you just, you're like, just get me. me to the grave. What are my earliest memories is going to Europe with my family on the airplane and there was a smoking section.

It's insane. It was like just a cloud of smoke in one area of the plane. So it's the 1990s. So of course, we see them all training with all the Ninja Turtle weapons. You get staffs. You get your swords. You got a size. You get the size, of course.

And of course, you can, these kids are McGiivers. with nunchucks. Oh, yeah. Just make them out of anything you fucking got. That one part towards the end of this movie I was screaming

at the TV. It's the fucking stupidest thing I've ever seen. Also, the grandpa's got another dumb line here. Oh, well, we are, Eric, you mentioned they're dodging,

he's dodging their ninja advances. Oh, yeah. They are huckin ninja stars full speed at this old man, which is crazy. Dude, it's up to him. It's up to him if he's up on his skills. But think about that.

He's playing for keeps. You guys had grandparents, probably. Imagine if you were just, oh, it was just totally fine just to throw fucking weapons at them or knives or ninja stars. Wouldn't that be wonderful for you? I think it's only this grandpa and the grandpa from the lost boys you could probably get away with that. Well, I mean, my grandfather did let me stick me with stick him with a switch blade on my birthday. Yeah, that was nice.

It was opposite for me. They were allowed to beat me, but I go beat them back. Chris was like, here's this little pocket. Can we play Royal Tenenbaum and Pocoda again? This is when, and I mean, like, later the dad is supposed to be this Guy Gid asshole, right? Later on the film, he's the real fucking, he is a fucking asshole. He's so disconnected from his, I mean, he's so disconnected from his kids.

He's working in the Snyder case for the FBI, excuse me. But his kids come back after summer at this weird cabin and he's just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, what are you? I don't know. I'm leaving. Bye. They come back with New Day. names, I'd be like, yo, grandpa, I went to the trouble a name in these kids not six to eight

years ago. It's still sticking. Fuck off. It's like, I mean, like, it's not like you actually, I mean, I guess the kids are going to make you call them those names, but like also, like you could just still call them. I mean, you are, you have some authority here. Why don't you, why don't you act like a fucking adult, please. Well, and also, I have to say all the events, you say he's working for the FBI and he's working hard. This entire, what, what transpires in this. film is a black eye for the bureau. Oh, oh yeah. They cannot excuse this away. This would get a lot of people fired. I think Sam Sr. is one of them.

This guy's getting demoted. I think that's why at the end of this movie, why he's like, you know what? You do my job for me. I'm taking my kids out for pizza. Like, because you know what? He's fired. If you fuck him and work that badly anyway, you might as well just enjoy the pizza. Look, we're going to go home and have a nice pizza night with my family and then you all can come tomorrow with your no knock warrant and destroy my house. All right. You know what? And I'm going to have sex with my wife for the first time in six years. Yes, sir. That's going to happen.

Okay. I'm going to go to Pizza Hut with my family. I'm going to have sex with my wife one last time. I'm going to shoot myself in the head by dawn. Absolutely. We mentioned the renaming. We should mention the names, the new names of these kids. Samuel becomes rocky because he's strong and dependable, like a stone.

Yes. Then the other one, I don't remember the name, is now named cult. That's Jeffrey. Yeah, he becomes cult because he's got a huge cock. And free-no. Well, you don't know. I know, I'm glad I don't. Grandpa knows, though.

He's washing them and shit. So maybe he's like fast as a horse or something like that. You will be named cult because of what is swinging between your legs. No, yeah, I think it seems right. It's because, like, he can't be tamed like a. Buckin' Bronco. He's like the Raphael. Yeah. Right.

And then the last one is Tom Tom, Tom, because he eats garbage all the time, like nonstop. I would be, if I'm Tom, Tom, and he's really cool with it. He's like the youngest one and he's the most annoying of the three for sure. Uh, but he's like, oh, that's fun. I'd be pissed. I'm like, Rocky

Colton. I'm fat ass. Like, no, I got to be like, I have to be like, you know, I don't know. Yeah, exactly. Like ghost or something. Call me Ghost. I will call you cheddar ass. Oh, we'll call to you, pre-diabetes. I mean, it's fucking bullshit. It's fucking bullshit because, one, I mean,

this is a little bit of stolen valor from this actor here. You want to have a TomTom character? Get a fucking fat kid. They're out there. Trust me. That's the United States of America. There's fat kids out there. You can find one.

Samo Hong was a star in China. You can, you know, come on. You can make the fat kid be a fucking star. That's true. True. Samohung was incredible. A fat dime, no, yeah. It's kind of amazing. Speaking of these kids, the second movie, they recast two of the kids.

Oh, is that right? They recast Rocky and Tom Tom. And, no, Colt stayed? Colts is the first three. And then the third movie, all three kids are back. It's really strange. Very strange. It's really strange.

Contract negotiations. fell through with Rocky. Wait a second. All three kids are back in that fourth movie? What are they fucking 17 through 15? The third one. The fourth movie is three brand new kids. So it goes three ninjas, which has these three kids.

Three ninjas kick back where Colt only returns. And then three ninjas knuckle up, which is where all three kids come back. All the parents and Victor Wong come back for the second one as well. They go, of course, following the Karate Kid plan, they go to Japan. No. I think we got to do all three of these because it knuckle up. Yes, we do. Charles Napier in there and Vincent Chivali as the mayor.

Oh, they're not going to be standing for these shenanigans. Well, you know, that fourth one, dude, high noon at Mega Mountain, they go to a theme park to save their hero, played by Hulk Hogan, and the villain is fucking what's her face, Lonnie Anderson. Yeah. Oh, boy. That's something. Oh, boy. Yeah, nice indeed. We can do that. So we get to then, we go quickly from this naming thing. We get to Sam, the dad. He is in negotiations with, what is it? Snyder. Give it up, Snyder. Mr. Snyder. And I got to tell, if you didn't know this, if you don't find out, like, you should find out very early on that this guy, this Snyder, doesn't know shit about shit. Because this is the most Italian saudi guy I have ever seen him. He's like, hello there.

And he's got the, I'm sorry, I don't know the name of the head. It's like some sort of head scarf here. It's just like a chic of some time. Yes, I don't know what the piece is called. But like he just has a mustache. And I'm like, did they talk about this before that he looks like this? At all, like, that you look like you're from Jersey. Like, I don't understand what's going on here.

It's a guy with a fake mustache and maybe a little brown face walking in there saying, I would like to buy a missile. Yeah. Oh, I think the word we were looking for, by the way, is Kufia. Oh, okay. Possibly according to the internet here. Apologies for their ignorance. I knew that, of course. Of course.

For the rest of these guys. I apologize to her. You just kept quiet because out of respect. But he's a, oh, hey, oh, I'm a, I'm a terrorist to something. I'm like, dude, shut the fuck. Yeah. Give me your weapon. right? I look like Ernest P. Worrell and brown face. Yeah.

And this guy's like, right. Well, this, Snyder's like, oh, I can't believe I'm meeting with the head of this, this terrorist organization. How excellent. Hickory Dickery Doc. I'm going to arrest you on the dock. Yeah. Also, I mean, Jesus Christ, Snyder, like he gets this briefcase and they open it up. And it's like, oh, well, everything appears to be in order here. Now it's time to exchange the missile or whatever.

and it's a big, you know, stick them up, come on Snyder, blah, blah, blah, blah. And at one point, like, I mean, these ninjas start laying waste to the FBI agents. And Snyder kind of like fucks off into this one room. He eventually gets his hands on the briefcase. And like, after the top, like, we're just talking the top bills. Yeah. It's all blank paper. Like, if he opened that initially and the wind blew the right way, he would have been able to

see that originally right in the handoff. Snyder's a moron for even thinking that money would be good if it's given to you by the FBI. even if it was real, they'd have all the serial numbers. Yeah, I mean, that's the least of your concerns. You just try not to get life in prison right now. You know what I mean? Well, but like the FBI seems to have dedicated a lot of time and serve, like, and expenditures to this mission.

And they get outwitted by, uh, the dropping in of a couple ninjas on top of them. They have guns, by the way. Yes, yeah. They sure do. They sure do have guns. And they're like, no, no, no, no, no. it would be unfair to do that. Even though these are criminals of the highest sort

who want to kill your kids eventually. Yeah, no, no, no, no. Don't shoot him. That would be unfair. Snyder, like, gets to the rooftop and it's a great, like, there's nowhere to go, Snyder. And he pulls a chief Wiggum auditioning for the B-sharpes as Dr. Doolittle. He's just like, this bird's got to fly. Totally goes to, like, jump or whatever.

And pretty cool stunt here, I have to say, like, the copter comes up Snyder gets on it and Ninja Copter exactly and this dude flies off you see the stuntman like you know hold on like we're actually doing the stunt pretty pretty cool shit yes and there's ninjas

flying the helicopter yeah it's pretty great look at that that's all that it takes to impress me by the way you dress enough guys like ninjas in your movie and I'm like yes I was surprised by how violent this movie was like actually like pretty

violent. Did you read this thing in the IMDB Tribune trivia about how the studio found it too violent so they cut stuff out? Yes. I would like to see the un- you know, the unrated version, right? Tom-Tum cuts a guy's throat. It's just like,

yeah. Tom-Tum gives some guy a Colombian necktie and then puts a jelly bean on his tongue. The surfer robber from summer school, he gets fucking gutted at some point, yeah. Oh, totally. Well, the other thing that they did that's really fucking And it's one of the things I totally hate about this movie is because they can't cut out all the violence.

So yeah, I'm sure they like trimmed where they could. But they also added sound effects. So like they're kicking people and it's like doink, boing, when I like the sound effects. What I can't stand is this score. Oh, my God. Well, here's the thing. You know what you want to make a movie less violent. We have fans that are really good at all sorts of editing devices.

Could somebody add some funny? sound effects to Paul Dato get the shit kicked out of them in prisoners. Could that happen? Oh, totally, yo-y-yoing fucking Hugh Jackman going at it with a hammer. Oh, absolutely dude. It's like you fucking smash his face against the sink and it's

like And then like Hugh Jackman's like putting his face in the toilet and flushing it and it's like mother of God. That's how you get a PG rating for prisoners. Yeah, that's exactly right, dude. I really, I want to underline what Eric said about the score.

It is like the, it is like the music to a video game about a fat kid who has to eat his way through a factory of evil candy. Wow, you really, you really thought about that. That was exactly what I was thinking about. It's like, it's like, we'll get to the farting score, which is very specific. So grandpa gives him some ninja rules and he's like, look, don't. be overcome it's your traditional shit don't be cocky don't fucking use your ninja powers for evil but what he does add in here is love and trust and you can be one if we all just love each other and a fucking whatever so this guy has Snyder comes back and he goes back to his like

he's got like some i don't even know you know fancy hideout he's got a number two who's like the numbers guy. Brown. Yeah. This dude sucks. Brown is supposed to be funny and it's not. Right. And remember Brown is the uncle of the lead surfer kidnapper.

And you're supposed to be like, I would be like, hey, the feds are on to us. We've got to go to, we got to leave the country. Like that's, that's the answer. But he's like, no, it's that damn lead agent Douglas. If only, I don't know, I know his grandfather. Like, what are we talking about? he's going to like talk he's going to talk this guy out of prosecuting him like it is so loose yes they like i know the the the father-in-law of this FBI agent this father-in-law of this FBI agent

trained me in the ninja arts when and sometimes i guess has some criminal background we don't investigate too far i mean it's a common trope with these movies i'd be especially american ones where like the when you and it's any martial arts movie where like the the first like the star pupil ends up being your biggest nemesis. Yes, of course. Darth later, dude. Well, there you go. Of course. But it's just so insane that it's like, there

is this one connection. Like, yes, the villain of the movie was trained by the pseudo hero. I mean, okay, fine, that's one thing. But then also the magic connection that this FBI agent is his son-in-law. And the fucking three ninjas are

the kidnap bait? Like, that's just way too much. You can't have the FBI guy in this kind of movie who's trying to take down the high up in society guy also be the dad of the kids that's such a stupid connection and you don't need it either

because Sam Douglas the FBI agent is barely a character he could just be Sam Douglas FBI agent not related to the kids you don't need to have him in the movie even that's true have him get shot please yeah please here's something

once you're fucking you're in the FBI computer buddy you got to leave it doesn't matter who you kill the lead agent or whatever everybody knows who you are everybody knows what your shit is you've got to leave well I'm sorry Snyder like I thought you were a real movie villain in these kinds of movies the real movie villain yeah he would get on a fucking private jet

and go somewhere you know this fucking dumb plan of kidnapping I mean whatever it's a family film first he just goes to he's gonna go talk to his old buddy and tell him hey take the heat off or else like I'm going to maybe kidnap your kids or kill him and then no one, once he's dead,

no one will be able to protect the honor of your daughter. So we're really, we're throwing sexual violence into the mix. Yes, that is an absolute threat. That is a huge threat right there. Over a chain of martial arts schools. Well, that's the other thing. Thank you. That's the other thing.

Because keep in mind, part of this, so the FBI is coming down on this dude and the heat is really ramping up and he's got this plan to fucking take out the son-in-law FBI guy, or get to the son-in-law FBI guy, but getting to this grandfather and the kids, fine. When he goes to the house, though,

and it's like all these fucking ninjas descend on grandpa's house. Sure. And he's got all sorts of fucking crazy 2018 Lori Strode fucking security traps and whatnot. Part of the conversation is like, all right, I won't hurt your grandchildren and I won't fucking kidnap your daughter or whatever. if you come teach at the martial arts schools and the grandpa's like I teach ninja not murderers and this dude is just like

well get your son-in-law off my back and I was like which is it man the heat from the FBI or you're trying to fucking attract this dude to come teach at the dojo well the dojo also will train all of his henchmen right so that's then it'd be invincible once they have this training so good look at Tom Tom

I mean get the guy who is also the father-in-law of the FBI agent and get him to train the army so the then army trained by this guy can go up against the FBI? This is a fucking terrible plan. Very smart idea. Part of the backstory, not only were they friends,

but apparently they invested in a slew of martial arts schools where there was some, and then he backed out once he found out what was going on there. He bankrolled Coburca. And then this guy says that he made millions off of these martial arts academies. I don't think so. I just do not.

I don't think anyone's made millions from any number of martial arts academies. I just, I just need to know, well, I think probably a few people have, but I also, I need to see, like, that means that all these, like, henchmen that Snyder has are, like, straight out of high school. Yep. Like, and I really think you did to highlight that how, like, young and stupid they are, because they all. They're all, of course, like, done by, like, 22-year-old professional, like, martial arts, artists doing all this thing. Well, you know, you could. I assume at least. You could have had a scene with the, uh, the California surfer, uh, kidnapper guys being kicked out of this martial arts school or something like they make the grade, you know?

Well, what's funny to be is that Snyder says, I will rip your heart out unless you teach my guys and help me build more studios. And then his response to that is, you know what? Introducing a light up dummy. That's, uh, that's going to be how we really sharpen. her skills to take care of an army of ninjas. It'll come up it'll be important at the end of the movie. I know. I know.

It's kind of amazing that first onslaught when, you know, it's just all the kids versus these ninjas immediately are ready to kill these kids. They have swords and they're just trying to jam these tiny little kids and I'm sorry. This is an overall note for the whole movie. There is

no way a fucking eight year old kid could punch me out. I will tell you, get me any eight year old kid I'll be car right out of the chin kid come on what if they were trained trained to do what to break boards and do

you ever seen kids doing that eating I mean come on you ever seen kids doing that dude you ever walk by a fucking karate dojo and you see the kids in there having a lesson I mean I don't give a flying fuck how many belts no no no listen okay I don't give a fuck how many belts your kid has

if they're going up against a grown adult I like this this is a good challenge Maybe we could do something where we get children to fight us. What do you think? I mean, the thing is, once this happens, there's icon of them, by the way, four nutshots of this movie, which are a lot. That seems low. That seems low. Maybe I missed a few.

Wow. What if they nuts shot you? That would be their move. Yeah, that's the thing. Would you feel? But you're saying your nuts are too tough, you wouldn't feel it? No. If you're wearing jeans.

If you're wearing jeans. If you're wearing jeans. Even if a kid is brutalizing your nuts, you wouldn't feel it. Look, here's the thing. it's it's what you get one dude you get one all right you fucking hit me in the nuts great i'll pick you up over my head and throw you off a bridge i will say this i will say this that this does make a case for what sniders talking about because these fucking these fucking uh ninjas are being beaten by begonias like yes just like flower pots flying in their heads and like being knocked

like and of course we get the doink and such noises you sure do uh but like of course i i said it's a black guy for the bureau. It's a black guy for this business as well. Oh, for sure. This is a Mickey Mouse operation, dude. These little kids can school all of your dudes. And then like, you know, you know, this is the next scene. Yes, where grandpa introduces the new dummy. He is like, hey, listen, don't do this in school when, you know, you want to beat up a bully.

But when you're really in trouble, these are the pressure points that had to kill him. Like, FYI. That's what is the light of dummies. And then we'll learn how to make C4 with orange juice concentrate. and Tom Tom, you will drive the truck into the Oklahoma City Bill.

Exactly. My brother, Bill, got killed doing this move. There's a crazy after the dummy thing, the grandpa's like driving them back to their house. And what is with

this fucking song that they're saying? This is a thing. If you're getting a fucking Disney Plus three ninjas show together, leave this fucking song. This is what Dylan and Eric

were singing on the with a fucking Columbine, dude. This is not a cool song. It's like a parody of On Top of Old Smoky, I believe. And the end of it is, I shot my poor teacher with a 44 slug. It's Johnny Cash. It's on Top of Old Smoky, all covered in blood, by the way. That's all.

You know what? It's creative. My jaw hit the fucking floor, dude. I was just like, my lord, that lyric. That shouldn't be sung in any place But Folsom Prison I think that's the only place for such a place Such words

That's why the dad has to be like I don't care that your dad is Asian sweetheart It's not about that I'm not being an asshole I know you're Mexican American for no reason But I know But it's because he's training our children

To kill is what he's trying to do Did you hear the song that they came home singing Did you hear it? So is he I guess that's the thing we're not seeing Is Grandpa is clearly teaching them firearms as well Oh, for sure. The other side of this is that he's clearly taking them out deer hunting.

It's so fucked. It's so fucked up, this little militia that he's building. He's just bonding with his grandsons. I see nothing wrong with this. This is, you know, this is heritage, not hate. Anyway, sure. But there's a line when he brings the kids back to the suburbia, which is terrifying. It looks like the poltergeist neighborhood or something.

It definitely, definitely does look like the poltergeist neighborhood. Good call. He brings the kids back. And the mom has the odd. to say, oh, you think, like, being a ninja stuff, try being a mom. And it's like, he was fucking feeding them and raising them all fucking summer. And you're saying, try being a mom. You've had a break for months. Yes. You've had daytime TV every day for the last fucking, I mean, I don't know. It's mom power, dude. It's mom power and kid power. It's disgusting.

What we are kind of piezing together here, and nobody's really coming out and saying it. I think this mother was maybe having some sort of an affair this summer because look the kids are gone yeah right they're becoming little domestic terrorists with grandpa

and this dad is working this fucking Snyder case for the FBI I don't know I think the cable's broken you know what you know what Andrew you might be on to something here because the dad is a little jittery when we first meet him

and you know what he says he points to cult specifically he's like Jeffrey you remember to kiss your mother. She needs to be, she needs to feel, she needs to feel loved, okay? She needs to feel loved out by this family, okay? This kid, dude, this kid just fucking responds to his father. He goes, it's cult.

Yeah. And his father, he's out to lunch. She's not satisfying his wife. He's not satisfying his children. This guy's a waste of space. I'm so, sir. These are young kids. These are like six, eight, and ten, or whatever the number is supposed to be.

They're real fucking Irish triplets, dude. Don't worry about it. They're really young kids. I have never seen less fanfare after spending two months away from your children. Like, oh, hey, man, you're fucking, yeah, breakfast is in the goddamn fridge, enjoy it. Like, you know what I mean? Right. I mean, look.

It's really weird. Steve, you grew up in a house with a lot of kids just like I did, right? I could always see, you know, the look on my parents' face after we would, you know, like if an aunt and uncle would take us away on vacation or something, you know, just take these three monsters away for like a long weekend, five days. that look of like alright you know what I mean

like I totally understand the lack of fan in the saddle again totally I mean like the Simpsons Camp Krusty episode I mean just right yeah yeah that's right

like I mean it is incredible to me like so the only thing that stops them from singing the Charlie Manson preschool rhyme they've got there is that they start making fun of Rocky

because he has a girlfriend quote oh my Emily, Emily, who has, the actress, I forgot her name, she has, like, done the best out of everybody. Kate Sargent. She's, like, been, like, she, she writes for TV and, like, produces and directs now, like, for television. She worked her way up, apparently. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Yeah, but she started out being a child bab babe here. Yes, I guess so. I always, it's always creepy the child babe idea. Yes. Yep. Is it real fiscal traction, or is it just Rocky loves. Emily.

Rocky loves. Emily. Stop it. Rocky loves. Emily. Rocky loves. Guys, I really look. What?

I really hated this movie. What you're doing right there is kind of one of the things I hate it the most. You know why? Because they, because the movie, it's one of these awful things. You're jealous of Rocky and Emily. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

I mean, she is a babe, dude. He's a child babe, yeah. And he's also a child babe. He's a hunk, child hunk. Yes, indeed. Sorry, Andrew, please continue. Uh-huh. You know what?

No. You're not going to get the rest of my thought. You don't like the child hunk and the... No, he doesn't. You don't like the song about the child hunk or... I just hate when movies think that a thing that they've written is really funny and they put it in a lot and it's only, not only is it not funny, it's fucking exacerbated every single time they bring it up.

I think it's awful. It's not funny. We'll only do it one more time, I promise. We find out here, we find out about the unseen Colonel Farooke. Yes. That's just some random character. And then, of course, we get the trailer line.

Brown is talking with Snyder and he's like, get your nephews, your stupid idiot nephews to do this crime for us. I need to kidnap the kids. Or, as he puts it, I want those. kids. This Snyder's all over the dial

with this fucking performance. But the Colonel Farouk is going to be the guy that's going to buy the missiles for real. Yes. Oh, sure. If you're just another FBI agent.

We have several investigations going on here. A couple agents are on this. So these assassins, such as they are, are three surfer dudes, which gets confusing because I realized,

I also mix this movie up a lot with surf ninjas which is also a thing I hate but these are surfer dudes in three ninjas not the same exact thing one of these dudes is the fellow like we mentioned from summer school who starts helping out the pregnant girl he was also on JAG for a thousand years

really yeah he was like it was Richard Dean Anderson right because or was he Jet? No what the fuck was his name was David. Anyway, Jag, the lady, and then this, he was like the third guy. Oh, okay. He was the third guy on Jack.

He's like a fat colonel now, right? That's kind of his acting. He went from from chubby surfer to fat colonel. Yes, exactly. But we meet these guys. They're fucking robbing a liquor store in old Detroit. Like, this is like a very different movie. These two guys,

these three guys are in for a minute. Yeah. Like, they're trying to soften it with the surferness. But they pull out real guns. They're pulling into the shop. He'll fucking blow your brains out. That's how it is. You know what?

That's a real fucking Batman thing, right? I feel like that is a thing that happens to liquor store owners in Gotham City where it's like, yeah, we're just dumbasses. Where are all the potato chips, man? Also, we're going to cut your fucking tongue out, brother. Because they do kind of turn on a diamond. It's really terrifying. It's true.

They do mention, get those radical salsa. not the green one. Uh-huh. I mean, it is, it's Spicoli after school when he fails out. This is what happens. That's right. These guys are doing doing the Spicoli hard core.

Pretty, pretty blatantly, I would say. Oh, no, he used a silent alarm. We've got to cut his throat. I told you not to push the button. Oh, cool, nice family. Guess we'll have to visit him and kill him later. His esophagus is tubular.

Radical He, uh, he, uh, that dude is, um, Patrick Labiator, uh, is his name, 208 episodes of Jag by the way. Oh, man. Wow. He's got a very nice house. That man right there. It was worth it. It must have been worth it to be named Fester in this movie. And that's like, it's hammer, Marcus and Fester, the fucking three stooges. I will, I, one thing I, I have to report from the, the sequel, they go full three stooges on this. It's a different trio, but it's like full on three stooges at that point. I could literally like each other's nose and stuff like that. We're almost getting there with these guys. Yes. It's coming close, but it they go full in and

the next one. But yeah. Wonderful. The guy's uncle calls him is like, hey, we want you to kidnap these kids like, you want him killed or what? Because we'll do anything bad. No. Dude, just kids. There's a weird. There's kind of a weird joke. here that I don't know I think it kind of works where Mr. Brown says that I need you to kidnap you know three kids and the dude goes

can these be like any kids? And the guy's like no there are three very specific little boys and they go over there and this of course all these FBI agents are going to this dude's house for what? I don't know like for food I guess dinner maybe there's a gang bang

and the wife I'm not sure how that worked might be nice just unclear I'm unclear on it is what I'm saying if you wanted honey I just want you to be happy that's all really honey

that's all oh you oh because oh because when the guys when these three idiots roll up to the house the FBI I think they're like dropping the dad off yes for the night

or something like that I don't know why it's like a tiny caravan or something so we get a little glimpse into like the three ninjas life at home which like I don't know Pretty nice little Huey Dewey and Louie bedroom.

They got a computer there. The one kid's playing Super Mario 3, pretty cool. Still for an FBI agent and your kids, I'll have to sleep in the same room. Well, Chris, the movie addresses this later on when we get the renovation room that's all white that we end up fighting our three stooges in, I assume one of these would be for Rocky or Colt. I see, I assume that is Office 2 for Sam. Right. I think, yes. I think that he needs that. That's where he's going to put up all of his FBI documents and put twine in between them. Yeah, that's right. He's his red yarn room. That's what he's called. No, this is actually, it is going to be my office, but actually, Rocky, you're old enough to know this. You see this mirror here? It's a two-way mirror into our bedrooms when mom is cucking me. I don't even need to be in the room anymore, buddy. I could be in this room enjoying my show. Let me tell you, I got Gene Hackman coming here. he's going to take your mother for a real ride

did I watch that movie when we were on tour it was a total like hotel TV I hadn't seen it before and I was like oh I'll watch like the first few minutes of this and then go to bed I watched that movie in its entire front to back on fucking television

it's a wild ride it's a wild ride so yeah like the FBI shows up so their whole thing is botched right here I will say the three idiots in the van being like, what are we going to do now? Oh, you want to go get a slurpy? I was like, that's kind of been a while since I've had a 7-Eleven slurpee.

Maybe I'd like one of those. They have a van that their van says die-y-sum on the front of it, which you know what? You want your kidnapping vehicle to be the most identifiable. The one that's definitely being pulled over. Like for sure. Like you just see that once. You're like, oh, yeah, I'm going to take these guys for 50 bucks. I know the die-y-sum is like kind of a cool, you know, like whatever, but it feels.

like these guys are part of a dangerous cult, doesn't it? Like, you know what I mean? Well, these guys, Charlie says we got to kidnap these three kids. I could see them hanging out with like the Mandy crew. You know, or like, you know, they're coming back to check on the kids of the next morning

like while they're going to school or something like they sleep outside. And I think like they decided to stay in the cul-de-sac and sleep in the van because the day before at their fucking surfer pad Gary Busey and Keanu Reeves fucking busted him and shot all their roommates.

I was going to say Victor Wong is about to light up an acid cigarette and take them all out with Austin Butler. I think they're like the fucking strangers. Oh no, next time will be easier. Yep, totally. So they wake up the next morning. The kids are riding their bikes to school. These guys fucking like are trying to follow them

and they slam right in the back of a cop car. Yeah. Which like, do we see how they get out of this jam? Because I feel like we don't. This needs to be a thing where it's like, well, you know, my uncle's Mr. Brown, who works for Snyder. Oh, and if Snyder owns the police?

Yeah. Because otherwise it's just three stoners that like slammed into the back of this cop car and their big fucking stoner van. Yeah, I mean, I guess they just get a slap on the wrist or get a ticket or something for this infraction. But they crash because they're so distracted by how cool these young boys

are riding their BMX bicycle. Sure. Oh, yeah, dude. And then little Emily in the dust here. All right. She doesn't go through the construction site where they do all the cool stuffs, which distracts faster behind the wheel.

That's right. You're totally right. Yeah, they're going off jumps and whatnot. Yeah, he crashes into them. And then, yeah, Emily doesn't go that way and she runs into the bicycle bullies. The bicycle bullies. These bullies are amazing.

One of the bullies has the bully that actually played a young Ice Cube in Boys in the Hood. Yeah, I'm sure he is playing one of these bullies. And he has a prisoner of war missing an action hat on the entire time. The one that looks like Dennis Leary at 13, he also shows up in the sequel as well. He also covers. Really? Yeah. So you get only one of the brothers, but you definitely get the bully back.

For sure. you can't have the lead bully be black i'm sorry folks if he's stealing stuff and it's a white little kid movie about all there's there's like a three second black friend that we have to try and even that out where it's like is he's like yeah he's like he's like he's the one that's like oh all schwarzenegger would beat would beat uh bruce lee in a fight and then he's like no he wouldn't and then like that's it then he's gone and then the only other black kid is a bully that steals stuff Well, I'm not fantastic. But he's a sympathetic bully because he cares about our boys overseas, number one.

Number two. No, that kid's crazy uncle gave him that hat, dude. I know it's indoctrination. See, it's grooming when I don't like the viewpoint. But when I grew my kids, it's good. Steve, let me say one thing. They heard your complaints. The black kid is gone in the second movie.

It's just the Dennis Lerick. Excellent. But he was just stealing that bike Because his sister needs one So I think it's fine Sure, yeah, a fleet of bicycles For your sister It was mentioned

The POW MIA thing is such a weird Conspiracy theory that you would not have known If you grew up, I knew a dude that always wore that hat That was like, he just cares about Vietnam Like, not really, you know what I mean? It's some weird right wing fantasy Now that they've convinced every municipality Across the country to fly that flag

I feel like every post office I've seen I think even the White House flies that flag Yeah, it's crazy It's a QAnon flag practically Pretty much, yeah You know, our boys are still in Vietnam And they're making wallets right now Yeah

And we have to go over there and kill The important thing is the number, right? I'm not remembering this right? Because the number is like tens of thousands of soldiers Six million They just died. Sorry folks. Like it's a lot of that.

They're dead. They're not over there, you know what I mean? It's not. he's making wallets all right that's what kids are for in vietnam there's a pizza parlor and what they are doing in the basement that you should see but we're you know we're flaring fly this my fucking uh my my my my post office you know what i mean it's insane you salute that flag so this is the basketball scene oh dude they steal her bike and then we're back at school and this kid is like hey i don't you know whatever i don't like you should they're playing one-on-one

and he shoves him. He's like, we're going to play two on two. And fucking Rocky, this little piece of shit is like, sucks, okay, we're going to spot you nine points. Are you fucking kidding me, dude? We'll spot you nine. What a little rat. Dude, you know what?

If you want to really brag, which you shouldn't, even though you're going to use your ninja powers for basketball, give them three points. The nine seems excessive. And what is with the ninja powers that, like, we even see the grandfather doing it at one point. point, like, it's a force Jedi jump they're doing. Yep.

Yeah, that's, what is that? Magic. We're using magic powers, using ninja skills to play basketball. Yes. And it's fucking stupid. Yeah, they do like the tip off and the kid goes flying into the air. Well, I mean, it's all to have, it's all to have a no sound or just have like an electronic, like, a hip hop beat in the background where someone says, oh, yeah.

It's a twice and that's about it. Oh, yeah, yeah. For like three minutes. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Just on fucking loop by B&B crap factory. This fucking fake band. I got to say, I got to tell you, give a nice nod to this kid playing the bully again. Yeah.

There's, he is, like, they're like, all right, Craig, you're like, whatever his name is, right? You're the, you're the big bully in this scene so you can act like a big movie villain because he's like, he's being like very animated. And he's like, well, punks, I see we've been collecting quite a few bikes today. He's even kind of doing like tented fingers. Pretty funny. They, of course, they're about to win. But they spotted them nine fucking points. So they got one point off.

Therefore, they win. Great. This girl's not impressed by the way. She is disgusted at the way that Rocky acts like such a fucking, you know, show off. She goes, show off. Yeah, showboating, exactly. Unlike Tom Petty, he will back down. He will.

He would absolutely do that shit. And like, that's the thing is, it sounds like, it looks like Rocky and Caltar about to beat the shit out of the bullies until the coach, like, blows the whistle. And finally, like, God damn it, get me a kid fight in here. At least one, like, come on. Just one. I know you probably cut it out because it was too violent already. It's too violent and ripped his eyes out.

It's so awesome. And he squished him on his toes. we already had a good one if this is 92 Rocky 5 is already coming out right and there's a good little kid fight in that movie like That's true

Learned from the best But they're like Pringles Once I pop I can't stop I need that's true More kid fighting There's a there's a second movie Going on here Where like the grandpa is like

Doing ninja skills Like practicing in the dead of night And like spying on them And this is where we see He follows Snyder and goons and ninja army down to like the docks and there's like a big boat

and it's just a completely different Pray for Death-esque movie that never quite comes and I wanted it to. They're packing up the usual suspects boat yes they really are ready to get going they probably have the witness in the belly already. I've been on every room in this ship

there ain't no fucking cult okay but so whatever this is when it's the second the kids are dejected it's important we should say in this room that these parents are not even interested in the mother

it's so the mother's like hey I got to go meet your dad I'm like meet your dad for what like could you feed us dinner we're nine she's like not a character she's she's seen in one scene throwing them bagged lunches and that's it really I think it's like

a date night or something or like the dad's got a work dinner or some shit. Yeah. So she's like, well, I got to go with your dad. I'll see you when I fucking see you. We got the babysitter here. Um, Tom Tom has, uh, some fine wardrobe pieces in this entire film. Oh, yes. But this maniac mechanic shirt really, really stuck out, I thought. I kind of want the maniac mechanic t-shirt. It's, it's kind of a winner. I got to say, uh, but the other, I got to say cult's hoodie that looks like, uh, that design from those water cups, those blue and, uh, purple designs. That was not bad either. Oh, like the, like, just the, like, the wax paper cup you'd get at the food court.

Yes, sir. You'd be working a fucking co-op in Brooklyn for that, my friend. No prolimo. Absolutely, dude. You're out of fucking raw vegetable diet if you're wearing that fucking thing these days. Here we get this babysitter who, by the way, this older lady that's the babysitter, John

Turtle Tub's aunts portraying this character. Oh, Auntie Turtle Tub. You got to shove another turtle top there. A two turtle taubes. That's Tina turtle taubs. Two turtle taubs. Oh, well, one, I did want to point

out, because it's made in the period, of course. This is a real skinnamarink house. Oh, yeah. If the lights fucking went out in here and we lost our faces and whatnot, like, yeah, skinnamarine cows, big time. The thing about this grand, almost like grandmother,

but the babysitter, who is an old lady, they are definitely doing like the fucking I think it's like Tom Tom answers the door and it's like Wamp a roop Bwant fucking like

tubas shit like isn't this lady so disgusting look at that Wamp I love it and now to find out that's the director's aunt dude

that's fucking low pretty bad it's crazy he's gonna have problems she's got to talk to him at Christmas they have this he has a Rocky

has this private phone to his girlfriend's house which I don't understand how this works even it doesn't it's a fucking tin can phone where I think it was an earlier scene where we're introduced to this can phone yes that I guess it's a line into the neighboring house there there was a reprisal

briefly of Rocky loves Emily Rocky loves Emily Rocky loves Emily and Rocky loves Emily and Rocky and Rocky embarrassed by this tells Emily that oh yeah no sorry sorry about that honey my uh my brothers are our word oh yeah

and nobody fucking blinks in that bedroom it's kind of weird no it's a thing is so the dad the dad is at the house by the way because like one of the kids is in the office with him and he's like oh hey uh dad is this the case file you're working on uh you know for that Snyder guy and he's like yeah oh what does Snyder look like and he's like oh there's a picture of him in that folder I'd be like kid get out of here this is an open investigation

you can't be looking at stuff because what happens is he opens the folder he looks like the back of my hand he opens the folder and then here's a picture of fucking Snyder some other dude and grandpa and I think this is where like part of this

movie is they think that grandpa might be fucking crooked and out to get them which is is real dumb. Is grandpa a criminal? And also, why is dad on this case? Isn't he like too close to the people involved? Yeah, totally. To be clear, Colt is convinced very quickly. Yes, he's the first one in. He's just grandpa. It goes from grandpa to grandpa. He would execute him. He would. He would. Sight soon right there. Boom. We'll have to fight him to the death and he thinks he could do it. He thinks he could take it. Just maybe. Just maybe kid. And because he's a fucking eight year old boy, the grown man would kill him in two seconds.

You never know. They break things. They break wood sometimes. Children. There's a pizza that is delivered, but the robbers get it, get it and pretend to be pizza guys. I love this.

This turns into, for like only three seconds, it turns into a clockwork orange. These, like, braying monsters with the pizza in this old lady's face. Shubs it in her face, dude, and throws her ass. in a closet.

They might as a little bit with a dildo, man. A little bit of the ultraviolence. They're all packing heat. They all have guns. It's great. Dude, and then like, they come in and it's like, oh, should we go get those kids

at this B&E that we're in the middle of? And they're like, no, let's have some pizza first. And this guy's like, first we feast, then we felony. And I'm like, so you know what you're getting into here. Okay, you understand the repercussions. Pizza pie. When you were planning to.

kidnapped children folks at home. Important to know. Just get it done. Eat at the eat later. Eat later, dude. Put them in your van and then eat later. And a pizza is totally is famously good when it's cold. So you're fine. You know what I mean? You're totally fine. But you need, I mean, you're going to need some carbohydrates for this is hard work you're about to do. You have to fight these kids and then take, I mean, you need something to burn. That's, that's true. I don't know what they've been eating all day. Maybe it's just been junk food. And this is obviously our home alone moment. however it's because these guys are a notably carrying guns it's a totally different movie because this is when the cult goes he sees the burglars like okay okay guys good news bad news

good news is the the the uh the pizza guy totally creamed our babysitter with the pizza they're like excellent yeah what does that mean take that yeah cool high five dinner was ruined shit lady and then it's like but bad news they're carrying guns and then they're freaking out like oh my god oh my god do we call the cops like excellent that the old lady got assaulted oh shit

we might be shot to death Rocky is freaking out for a minute but to be clear cult is the sociopath is clear right about he's like what if we did it what if we killed them what if we fucking took these guys out just us rather

and show show our fucking dad who was worried that this you guys were becoming too violent what I'm going to do is I'm going to wrangle these three armed men because the whole thing is if we can do this we will show dad that grandpa's ninja training

which dad says he wants to cancel can continue because you're being a doctrine and they have new names all of a sudden that's not okay it's really fucked up man you know I was watching this yesterday and Chelsea and I are in the middle of watching that Sarah Lawrence sex cult documentary I see lots of parallel

Lots of parallels. Not a one-to-one. Don't get it twisted now. But lots of parallels, okay. I am generally of the mind. If you are an FBI agent, call your kids whatever the fuck they like, and just fucking get over it. But I will say,

I have a bone to pick with Mori Tanaka as well, I'm with Sam on this one thing. I would, when you're teaching them all the battle, you know, techniques and all that stuff, I would also teach them when a gun falls, pick it up. pick up the gun and take it away from the bad guys who have the gun on you

rather than just kind of kick it back to them a few times they uh so this is when they're like all right let's go full home alone with this nonsense and they uh you know they have they have they have phase plan phase one phase two uh speaking of skinnamarink the kid uh colt like he knows he knows he's going to go in the white painting room so he paints his mask white this is chilling to look at it. Yes. This is scary stuff. Also, we're doing some ghostly chameleon shit. Yes. To hide better in the renovation room, which is all white with white tarps everywhere. But

your grandfather painted that to represent you. Colts. What are you doing? What he has to. He would understand. What TomTom has to do is make a diarrhea concoction. Oh, Jesus. One of these Yeah. It's like, there's a lax. if there's some line. Remember when you couldn't shit last summer? This expired laxative.

I do remember that. I want the prequel of him not be able to shit last summer. Yeah. I know you didn't shit last summer coming soon to theaters. I still know that you did shit that summer. Yeah. And then it could be like a guy in a raincoat with X lax. Yeah.

In the Caribbean. We're also doing, because it is like super homelisk. alone. We are putting fucking oil all over the floor. Sure. I mean, the dynamic between these brothers is really the Ninja Turtles minus Donatello. Yeah, yeah. You've got, you got

your Leonardo, you got your Michael, and you got your Raphael. And you got your splinter, I suppose, and Mori. But, like, yeah, they just take these guys for a rat. Like, I kind of, watching this again now, like, the whole scene in the X room, I didn't,

like, I kind of was, like, yawning. I kind of was more entertained by the shitting I'll be on. Oh, shit is very interesting. You know what entertained me, Chris, is how Fester here is trying to attract these kids to come out of hiding by doing kissy sounds like they're a cat. Yes. Come on, kids.

Interesting technique, I got to say. Yeah. There is a great delivery when because one of the kids like sets them up to like stand on the other side of the oil and they're going to, you know, pounce on them. And I think it's a fester goes, come here, you little.

idiot. It's a really good, like, hard idiot, which I do appreciate. Rocky almost chokes that man to death pretty quickly when he gets out. Oh, they're hanging him. Yeah, with the ties. While TomTom is creating all kinds of concoctions down in the kitchen. He's got, he's got pepper bombs going on. And of course, he does have the diarrhea cup as, as Eric tweeted about earlier. It is a cup of soda that has been a bunch of X-lax in it. And, like, the way they get these two, like, to actually drink the two criminals that aren't the summer school guy. Marcus and Hammer.

Yeah. And Marcus and Hammer. Thank you. They, like, Tum-Tum just goes in and is like, oh, this is so delicious. Whoa, don't you want some of this? I'm your mortal enemy. Don't you want to fall for this, you fucking idiot? Here's the thing, dude.

And it is a failure of, like, what was. going on in like the 80s and 90s right like we were just drinking soda yeah sure right oh yeah oh I know that life like drinking soda to like actually quench a thirst like I have very specific memories of like

coming into the house as a kid being like wow it's so hot outside better to drink this ice cold soda yeah and that's what's going on here because these guys are like tired from running around chasing these kids everywhere getting their ass kicked and whatnot they're like oh give me that

I'm so thirsty, and they're just chugging soda. People didn't drink water until the Obama administration. It's true. We've got to stop the soda pipeline. I just realized he's also, no, I drank the water in Flint, and it's fun. So, uh, goodbye. Very tasty. Oh, we have a soda pipes expert here.

This is, uh, Dr. Pepper. And his assistant, Mr. Pip. And I believe there's a there's a Russian expert. Is your name Serge, sir? Hello, I can make you go crazy. That's Sergei, Serginski. Yeah, so, da. There's a sadistic line when they start hanging this dude with the ties where the kid just goes,

enjoy the ride. And it's like, ah, oh, oh, it's so fucking wild. But like, so they, they choke this dude, they give this, these other dude's diarrhea. And then like something, something, something, kids are hiding in the other room.

Like, well, how are we going to get the kids? I know. And they like, they call up, they find the phone. They call Emily. Emily comes over. They have a gun to Emily's head. Again, stakes are fairly high. Good move, by the way.

I thought this was ingenious of our would be kidnappers here is get that girl in the mix. A little, you know, a little bargaining chip, if you will. Also using the gun you have. That is also I think a good thing. They have the gun and it's Rocky and Colter about to karate these guys. Like no, we'll fucking blow her fucking brains out. All right, dude.

All right, cool. Nobody wants to see anybody die tonight, man. Nobody wants to they raise their hands. Tum-Tum is ready to take Emily's life in his hands. I mean, like you, and again, you want your fucking your grandfather to teach you something? When someone's got a gun on someone

else. Don't, you know, let's let's be hostages for a little while. You know what I mean? Let's be hostesses for a little bit. Can we back up two seconds? Sure, please. Because this, this Emily is kind of the dumbest girl in the world. Sure. Because these, the way that they get her to come over is the this dude Fester and the two other cackling jackals with him. Yes. Use the can phone to call her like in the middle of the night, and he's just like, oh, yeah, Emily, it's me, Rocky. Why don't you come over here? And I get it like you're talking through a can. So maybe Yeah, and Rocky's dumb too. So, yeah. But like this, it sounds like a grown man, little girl. Don't go over to someone's house in the middle of the night. Listen, maybe she thinks Rocky's

like balls finally dropped, you know? And he's like, hey, baby, come on over. We're on the express highway now. Oh, sure. That could be. Also, by the question. I think it's a very important question here. What the hell time is it? Because we got the pizza come in and the parents went to the work thing. But then the mom is like, you go to bit, you boys go to bed, but then they're up doing homework. And then this little girl is dead asleep when they call over there.

Like, I don't know what time this is supposed to be. Yeah, I have no idea. No, I'm going to guess a little 11 or so. Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah, sure. They're getting pizza delivered. at 11 o'clock at night. 9.30. And she's a baby that needs sleep.

And, uh, well, her parents care about her. So she actually has a bedtime and people are like making sure she's fed and cared for. Well, you're, hold on a second, Steve. These children receiving ninja training in the, in the countryside. People care for them. Yeah, that's true. Grandpa does.

I know all sorts of things I can do with fertilizer now. Uh, this is when. family tries to drink the soda. He's like, dude, it's the diarrhea cup. Oh, yeah. Well, because I think we sort of like skipped through it, but the reason why this girl isn't assassinated is because of the shitting. Yes. And it's like, I got to take a major dump, dude. Oh, man. Sam and his wife are going to come home. I think yes, number one, of course, you are really, really upset that your kids are gone. But number two, you are upset that your entire house smells and is full of shit. Right. because not only is he on the toilet, like a hammer specifically

is shitting in the toilet and seems to be still doing it when he is knocked over by Tom Tom. Yeah. I think that's going everywhere. I think you're right. This is actually they, this is like against the Geneva convention to fight men while they're shitting because we get a plunger. Totally right.

Plunger in the face on one of these guys. Oh. And I mean, look, this is this is a laxative shit. Okay. And let me tell you loose. It's come. It's coming. fucking fast and furious. Your house is looking like the deep water horizon. It's just everywhere

and you're sinking in it as well. Dude, and then you have to, then you're in county lockup with fucking like lax diarrhea. You and your friends are like trying to share the same toilet at this point. Oh yeah. It's not good. Just awful. There is a hilarious thing

too like the they find the old lady in the closet or whatever and she's like totally traumatized in I can't speak, which is really funny. And then, of course, this kid's going to be like, Hey, old lady, you better not have eaten all the pizza. Eat shit, old lady.

God damn. These kids are, they're downright evil, you know? They are. And then what's great is like, I guess Mr. Brown realizes his nephew is a total idiot because the real villains show up and just kidnap these kids in two seconds. And then Fester's like, hey, uncle, can I get paid? Yeah, it's Mr. Brown and Toru Tanaka who is named Rushmore in the movie

He's a big old dude, I guess is the idea. And you know, I had a false memory that these surfer stoners were in the movie longer, but that's the end of them. Well, it's weird that they're not in the rest. You need to watch them get arrested or something because they're in so much of the middle of the movie. You know what I mean?

You have so many ninjas on the boat. They're all faceless, nameless. You could have thrown one or two of these guys in at the very end. What's funny is because that this whole sequence is structured so much like Home Alone and in Home Alone like this part is the end of the movie that I totally, I'm watching this yesterday

I totally forgot about all the Snyder stuff and Grandpa and all of that and I was like all right, they foiled the kidnappers here comes the cops like the movie's totally over with Nope, nope we're talking like 26 minutes this is when they're on the usual suspects boat of, yes, they, now these... I'm telling you, it's Mori tonight.

These kids, they're isolated. This is our moment of loss for the children. Like, how are we going to get out of this one? We'd get some nice war game slash MacGyvering of the phone. Oh, yeah, we're doing some phone jacking. There also is a really great thing where like the mother, like all the, like the cops are at the house,

the FBI's there, you know, and Emily tries to go up to, like, tell the mom what's going on. She's like, Mrs. Douglas, and this woman just turns around like, go to the fuck home, Emily. She's got to be like, no, Snyder took the boys. It's like this little girl knows who Snyder is. What are you talking about? The police, like, take their guns out and target the grandfather who's dressed as a ninja.

Yes. Oh, they almost shoot him in the street. They almost shoot him in the street. Oh, no, no, that's my father-in-law. Emerging from the shadows in the fog. That's my father-in-law. I'm telling you this ninja was protected from up on high by the Prince of Darkness. One ninja star.

One pair of numtucks. You know, it is kind of sad that, like, they really did this old man dirty with this ninja costume. It looks terrible. It makes him look really terrible. It looks like he wrapped himself up in his own bed. sheets, which in turn makes him just look like a crazy old man. Yep. Yep. Yep. And because he's got the wacky eyes anyway. Like, he's

always doing the way. He looks like a lunatic. And I guess he's got like the Popeye script with one eye. But like so this is like a moment that matters in the movie where like he goes up to his son-in-law who he famously hates. And it's like listen, I know where they are and I can get him out without, you know, just bring our boys back. Okay. It's like, no, we'll use the FBI

actually. I can't believe that this dude folds so hard because he says to this old man listen grandpa I want to send 100 FBI agents to go get my kids back and the grandfather's like no let me do ninja stuff well I guess

like his marriage is hanging on by a thread and that's what the wife wants kind of a scenario there is there is that awkward scene and there's a cutaway to the parents in a car like driving somewhere at one point and they are having a fight over like because the dad it's really weird because the dad's like

well look honey i i don't think they shouldn't be doing it because it's you know asian i just don't want them fighting yeah and you're just like what this is definitely not the first time you've had this fight god damn it jessica they should be learning how to shoot people not kick them that is the way we want them to be raised and if you hit your father-in-law yeah yeah yeah you go you go ahead you take down the arms dealer yes well the fbi i will come later We'll go later. But so, yeah, this is great because they're all locked up in a room, all of our three ninjas. And Colt's like, Grandpa totally sold this out.

He wants us dead, man. Well, they walked through the compound and they see the ninjas training. And one of them goes, look familiar. And then I think Colt again's like, oh, grandpa, I can't believe you trained. This is like grandpa's moves. This is grandpa's ninja stuff that that Snyder's goons are learning, you know? yeah and this is where it's like not only done done was grandpa friends with Snyder he also taught him everything yep which we need that prequel series or movie yes i want to see grandpa and Snyder when they were

thick as thieves dude right like ripping off old ladies ninja fighting everyone several Eiffel Tower evenings oh for sure just grandpods Listen, he wasn't an old man his entire life. Dude, he's lived a life. He's Eiffel Tower. Hold on a second. We know, we know that, um, uh, uh, grandma is a, is a white lady. Perhaps Snyder got in there and made these, you know, the, the offspring.

You got, you got Snyder. The daughter is Snyder's daughter. It's, I mean, it makes, you know, honestly, though, the Eiffel Tower with the, the dimensions be all mixed up because, you know, the kid, the grandfather's so short. The other, Snyder's so tall. But Ninja, dude. Ninja did. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, it was more like, you want to do, hey, Grandpa, you want to do like a leaning tower of Pisa with me? Got it.

Sounds fun. So it's a little more uneven there. Long as you're in on the game. Oh, Lord. But so this is when there happens to be a phone in this room for no good reason.

That makes sense, right? That's kind of funny. Yeah, they call, it's like, they call and pretend that like the kids got out or something.

Or no, it's like, oh, call back because we're testing this because they want the phone to ring so this guy comes into the cell to answer the phone in the jail cell. They called the ninja operator

who's running the telephones within the shift. It's like this switchboard operator dressed as a ninja on the boat. He assumes the guard had called him because why would the kids use the phone? And he calls back to test it which triggers the guard to come into the

room because the kids go, hey, it's for you. And then of course, these are three babies so they can easily destroy this ninja. They are hiding in crates at one point and they are busted out like fucking vampires attacking these guys. Oh yeah. I mean, they're

genuine demonic and it is all fights from here on out. Pretty much. All just fights. We are rushing to the end of the movie. Let's motor! They make, they do the McGiiver one where they make the fucking pipe nunchucks. Dude, the pipe nunchucks

I have to say, this is, I said I was going to touch on it. This kid incredible hulks a pipe off a wall and breaks it into three different pieces. I mean, it's pretty impressed. This is the scene that has lost American children

the most teeth. I guarantee you because like people are to the kids are just like nunchucks were always a bad idea. That's why in latter seasons of even the Ninja Turtles, Michael Angela, doesn't have Nunchukes anymore because kids were just busted their faces with them. Of course they would. Yeah. So this is like

oh cool, it's not even Nunchucks. It's a pipe. So why do you swing this pipe around little kid to play three ninjas? Oh, you don't have front teeth anymore. God. Yeah, they're gone. Rocky, I will say even Rocky seems a little nervous about having these things. Yeah. Yeah, totally. Okay, here we go.

Oh my God, Colty's not breathing. Well, we're going to have to recast him. No, no, we'll have to recast him. The fucking wildest part of this is like, because it's all fights, but it's also very video game stagey,

because we do get to, like, the mid-level boss here, I'll call it. Like, it's this guy that's got all the face pain on, and he's like, he's got the sword. He's licking the sword, like, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Oh, yeah. Just this, like, weird. Because they're, like, kind of freaked out by him at first, but then, like, they just scald his face with a steam pipe,

and that's the end of that. A man who is about to kill children with face pain on is deeply embarrassed by someone seeing his box or drawers. Yeah, that's right. That's that's very interesting. It's so wild that fucking Colt goes at this dude with a sword. I'm like, Oh,

he's slicing up that shirt, dude, yeah. I mean, he's just the shirt. I mean, because Colts is so good. No, I feel like this guy would be, he would be fucking shredded cheese, dude. Oh, yeah, it's gone. They definitely have a showdown in a hallway, like John Connor staring at Terminator by the Pepsi machine.

Like, they see Grandpa like in the hallway and it's like, no, he's crooked. he's going to fucking kill us, man. No, no, no. And then, like, the grandpa throws the star, and it's like, this is it. But he actually, bong, kills, straight up kills a dude behind these kids. This star goes into this dude's chest and he falls down dead.

That's a body count, my friend. There's really no way around that one. That dude is murdered in front of children. And not unlike the actual end of Ninja Turtles, the movie, instead of the turtles fighting the big bad here comes their master to fight him and this is like this fight takes a while too

this is Grandpa versus Snyder now yeah sure there was a brief where Brown shows up and Grandpa like knocks down one of his ninjas and he's so he's got such great ninja skill right this grandpa that it knocks down all three ninjas at once and then Brown confused

about this commotion turns around and walks into like a pole. Yeah. Oh, that's right. There is a moment where like when Colt is going to like murder Grandpa but then he realizes they're on the same side. Of course he is. Your fucking Grandpa, you idiot. Yeah, totally dude. So yes, now we got

Snyder versus Grandpa. The main event is what you all been waiting for. It's like the end. Sorry, it's like the end of 28 days later. Colt is running out of a machete and then he realizes that he's still okay. Like, come on. Come on. Yeah. And they take Emily is like, I promise them women.

It is important to point out the kids. The boys also take out that Rushmore guy right before this. Oh, right. Yes. Grandpa does the like, hit the lights, boys. And they're just kicking this dude and all these pressure points. I don't know, like his heart explodes or something. Yeah.

Go for the balls. Yeah. The guy, I think, I think it's Rushmore. I just wrote down the line. He goes, like they're about to. fight him, and he goes, come on, my little pets. Oh, yeah.

Rushmore. I mean, luckily he's taken down. But creative cutting here, whenever they hit him in like the nuts or the heart and like that right ventricle or whatever grandpa taught them to kill with, you get the cut of the dummies lights lighting up real quick.

It's not bad. I thought that was a pretty cool move here. Yeah. Let's rock this jump. Yeah, you know what? Dude, you got to do. something. The chump gets rock. The chump is, let's rock

these nuts. If you won't train my already trained men, this is basically Snyder's thing here. I'll kill your family. He's like, I want you to train my men. I don't know, Snyder. It looks like you did a pretty good job.

Yeah. I don't know. They're being taken out by children. They could take down. That's true. They can take down the FBI, but they can't take down 10 year olds. Get to it. Just can't bring the muster. So now we got Snyder versus Grandpa. Some swords are

drawn, but Snyder fights a little dirty, but that is the art of the ninja, isn't it? So there's a there's a pepper bomb that goes off in grandpa's face. Ooh. Yeah, he gets, that's fighting dirty. That's fighting dirty. That's fighting dirty. To the point where the kids at the rafters are like,

leave him alone. Stop it. Stop it. Leave him alone. No, this is what you wanted. You wanted to be in the big boy fight? This is the big boy fight. Your grandfather gets beaten to death in front of you. That's what happened. It would be so great if he was beaten to fucking death in front of these kids. I thought

I was going to have it, man. Snyder literally goes, say goodbye to grandpa boys. I mean, he really, grandpa really goes down here and it's fucking great. But I guess I'm sure he's actually heard from the devastating ninja blows of one

Snyder, but he also has a trick up his sleeve, a little trick from Tom Tom, a bunch of jelly beans. Let's shove this in Snyder's mouth and make them choke on it. Just choking on candy, dude. And I don't know if we're trying to like give a little

the more you know warning to kids here. Like, hey, little fat Andrew Juppin, I see you watching this movie. How about fucking one mic and Mike out of time, dude? Earlier in the movie, the three bullies or whatever the hell you want to call them, slip and slide on jelly beans as if they're marbles. That's not how jelly

beans work. You squished. You squished. You're that's some stale shit dude that's the case damn um tom tom almost chucks chokes on jelly beads as well he's eating him in bed like he's smoking in bed kind oh yeah you're right dude that's dangerous habit tom tom is a disgusting

shit boy more than easily more than any of them he's prime shit boy because the other two the other two are like annoying little pretty boy but tom tom is a disgusting ship he also has the line don't you just hate us and I'm like I fucking do tub tub i do

sure do bowl cut i sure do he's also outed as a foot fetishist in the second one oh interesting wonderful did you watch these back to back today or something no this just all stuck in my mind there this is all just tattooed in the curl well then it's stick in your mind that

you know grandpa beats snider but Snyder grabs a gun yes and then he gets shot by the FBI which is pretty cool I never lose never he gets shot the shoulder obvious you know sure but again like it is such a like it's an incredibly violent movie for kids when you you put this it's one thing when like you know joe pescied whatever they're getting like

hammers to the head but it's always like it's always falling you know it's never mcculley hitting them do you know what i mean like sure yeah mcculley never punches the he sets up into the head he sets up the murder device but he doesn't pull the trigger himself yeah mcculley colkin is sort of like a hitler figure in that yes well also the the karate kid to compare And, like, Dalasad is always trying to fucking, like, he's, he's weak. Like, you have to, he has to learn to be stronger. These kids are fucking pure fucking soldiers of death from the beginning. And, like, you don't, you don't back off from that really, other than the fact that they are taken, you know, Rushmore can pick them up and kidnap them.

John Crease could take these kids apart, dude. Oh, please. You get John Crease that fucking disgruntled Vietnam veteran against these three. he's just he's wiping the floor but imagine if they could be turned I don't just think John Crease would appreciate the fucking attitude they have you know what I mean too many one liners uh so

they're like uh you know it's like the everybody's safe scene at the end here and the dad's like oh yeah you kids are great ninja warriors and this one kid one of them is like dad is it okay if we still see grandpa

well sure son I want to I feel like If I was a dad, I just want to talk to you guys. That was never on the table. It was just the training I had an issue. You were always going to be able to see your grandpa. What's that? We're bringing them in for questioning.

There might be charges press. Well, I can't promise anything, kids. Well, they were, when they were raiding grandpa's compound to find you kids, they found some pretty questionable reading material. Not just that. They found out that he worked with Snyder. And he helped basically, he trained Snyder, who trained. this army. They're in the roller

decks together. I don't know. Grandpa's going away for a while. I don't know. You're totally right, dude. I think the FBI is at least justified in questioning Grandpa. Did you have anything to do with the fucking gun running, dude? Yeah. What's going on? How deep are your ties, grandpa?

I say press him. I say press them for a while. Press them hard. You don't know how I'm like a fucking suit, dude. Absolutely. You don't know how many how many cells Snyder had. Maybe this, you know what I mean? Like, and who to Snyder answer to? Grandpa can give you that information. You just got to turn the screws

on. That's right. Sweat him a touch. Break a few fingernails, you know? Of course, this happens. So it's like, all right, well, hey, Sam, there's a big development in the Snyder. We got all this fucking paperwork or whatever

and this father's like well, you do it. I got a whole family of heroes. I've got to take out for pizza. And I'm like, I don't know, man, I think you probably had, you shot somebody. Like, yeah, there's a lot of paper.

No one's, like, you can take them in for pizza tomorrow. Like, are you, I'd be like, hey, dude, are you quitting? Yeah, oh, oh, should. Yeah. Oh, oh, shit. Oh, yeah. Oh, cult is afraid of pizza now because of the incident at the house. I'm sorry.

We can't have, we can't go out for pizza. Well, this grandpa, dude, he, like, the joke at the end of the scene is the grandpa walks in front of the camera and goes, oh, I hate pizza. And I'm like, what are you fucking kidding? me? You just became the villain of the film. And if all that wasn't enough, we get a reprisal with the little bullies from this earlier in the

The P-O-W-M-I-A hat fucking starting the scene. We are close in on that. I don't know what John Turtle Tubbs trying to say. I don't get it, but we got well, you know, this kid gets the shit beat out of him now. They karate the fuck out of this kid. I don't know. I think he's saying something clear that this kid served. I see. Clearly he was taken. Oh, what is he like, he's Kearney In The Simpsons, he's actually fucking

30 years old When they are beating the shit out of this kid too They're using all the karate and whatnot We are definitely, it is like Batman the television show There's a lot of like bo womp And what music do we end on, Andrew? Oh, it's literally a song Where a guy is fucking just chanting kid power

Over and over again It's the same song for the basketball the basketball scene, but now it's being played to its full because that's how you, that is, my friend, how you skid a cat. It's just like, because we just have the, oh, yeah, yeah, in the basketball scene. And it, it reprises here and there's like, fight the power with the kid, power, power, power, power, kids, kids, power, kids, power. The power of the kids, yeah, that's, oh, man, it is just fuck you. Detestable. Yeah, this is a bad one.

I would rather them continue with the 44 Slug song that was singing. That sounded a little bit more. imaginative. And yeah, just we fade out on the kids getting the bikes back and the little girl gets her bike back and all is well in suburbia.

Oh, yes. Well done. You know, it's fucking crazy. They made three more of these movies. Do we get a number on how many were theatrically released? I got a feeling that fourth one might be direct to video. At least the fourth has to be video. Yes.

Second one I think was definitely released in theaters. don't know about that third one. Yeah. I mean, because this was like a surprise hit. Yes. They actually thought it was just going to be garbage and actually almost put it out just direct to video.

And then they changed their mind. It was a huge hit. So that is three ninjas. John Turtle Taubs. Oh, John Turtle Tau. Go around the horn here. Final thoughts and recommendations. Eric Siska.

Yes. Okay. So it's a light recommend for me. I know it's a dumb movie but there's just something about like that early 90s pure dumb shit that kind of scratches a little bit of an itch

for me. By the way we didn't mention Victor Wong is the grandfather very good in Big Trouble in Little China, a very much superior film. So maybe watch that instead. But dude, if you're hanging out with some people you know, some jazz cigarettes,

three ninjas. Why not? There you go. Chris Cabin I would say if you have kids Like if this is I think probably you would still Kids would probably get a jolt out of this And find the the dumb shit funny It is weird that like

Not only do you got Victor Wall Like Clifton Powell is the The partner to Sam The dad And he's just there to say Sam And that's it That's about it And like who's that guy

He's been in like 200 But you know him for sure He's been like I can't even name them all like they literally just go he's like nick cage level i just pulled it up yeah he was in ray he was in next friday he was in rush hour yeah he's in a ton of movies he's everywhere uh but yeah i i guess i kind of have to make it a light recommend just because i did watch this lot when i was a kid uh but it didn't play very well this time uh for me but i think if you have kids they'll probably have fun with it what do you think steve you know it's it's not a recommend for me i always

despised this movie as a child but I will say it played better for me than I thought it's really quick it's dirt stupid and surprisingly violent so you can you can do worse if you're if you're doing 90s kid power shit and to Eric's point

couple jazz cigarettes a couple of buddies I can see this being an okay night I can it's still not a recommend but I was surprised by how close I got to that level you know I guess the problem for me yesterday was I was just missing the buddies because I had the jazz cigarettes and I just found this obnoxious I was talking to my sister yesterday she was reminding me of how much we did watch this movie and maybe that is something to do with it and Eric as far as the you know getting in that groove of 90s you know skinnamarink type stuff I love that vibe also but I just I think I just find that these three kids that obnoxious that I can't you know what it's an absolutely valid opinion I have no issue with that because I feel like I am dancing on that it's a double-edged sword here you know

it's like I can get into the 90sness of it and how dumb it is but at the same time it's annoying as shit for sure and these are just like three dead face nobody's from a jc penny catalog like it's just the absolute worst of kid acting but you know what Victor Wong entertaining enough in it although debasing himself with that ninja costume. They should have done him a little better. I don't know why it's turquoise also. That's what makes it look even more like bedsheets, the poor bastard.

Anyway, that is three ninjas folks. If you want more, We Hate Movies, of course, check out Patreon.com slash we hate movies, where this month we have a We Love Movies on the 90s comedy, The Big Lebowski, may have seen that one. Who did we have this month coming up for Gleepe Glossary? We talked about Count Duku, and that was a lot of fun.

You're going to want to check that out. And we also have on animation. The animation is an episode on Gargoyles. That's right. The John Rees Davies playing Macbeth, who is like a gargoyle hunter, who is doing a Sean Connery impression. So you could imagine we took it for a walk. A Van Helsing for Gargoyles.

Yes, that's right. And on Belro 210, we have an okay episode of Now 210, but we have an episode of Melrose Place called Collision Corps. A banger. Does it live up to the title? If you know Melrose Place, this is where Michael gets into a car accident.

So we love it. Yes. You love to see it. You love to see this guy be miserable, man, and make everyone around him miserable. Also, in the month of February, we had the return of once in a lifetime where we talked about the absolutely wild

sleepwalking in the suburbia. Yes, which will eventually cross over with the stalked by my doctor series and we've don't worry folks, we've done episodes and all the ones before that so you could catch up with once in a lifetime. We've had quite a few come out already and it's a great little fun side show we do.

There you go. And, you know, on our YouTube channel there's way more activity over there these days. YouTube.com slash we hate movies. Every Monday at noon Eastern we are doing on screen live where we are going over weekend box office numbers talking about new trailers that kind of. out talking about stuff we've seen

like the abysmal fucking quantum mania etc so every Monday you can check those out and you know the replay is there if you can't watch live we keep them up they're there all the time on YouTube.com slash we hey movies so now on this feed Steve

we're getting into some exciting territory next week is that right we are we are we're going to be quite driven next week with Sylvester Stallone's race car movie from, I think it's 2001, I want to say. Yeah, that sounds about right because I saw it in

you are correct. Working at the multiplex. Listen to request month begins. We did that whole drawing on our YouTube channel so you can check that out. But you would know what all the titles are. But yes, we're starting with Driven. Sylvester Stallone's

Driven. For a movie that's about like sexy Formula One race cars, I remember this movie being exceedingly boring. Yeah. So we will see the start of Listen to Request Month next week. Get ready for four weeks of us losing our mind, folks. So until then, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek.

Eric, Cisca. Who do you mean I'm boy? Chris Cabin. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.