We Hate Movies - S13 Ep665: Hard Rain

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

On this week’s episode, Listener Request Month forces the gang to watch the total action gem, Hard Rain! Why didn’t Ed Asner bring Christian Slater in on the scam? How great were the leg workouts these actors got filming in all this water? Why does Minnie Driver’s character care so much about those church windows? And how much does Morgan Freeman despise test screenings? PLUS: All hail the new CEO of Paramount Pictures… Richard from Nebraska! Hard Rain stars Christian Slater, Morgan Freeman, Minnie Driver, Randy Quaid, Ed Asner, Michael Goorjian, Dann Florek, Ricky Harris, Mark Rolston, Peter Murnik, Wayne Duvall, Richard Dysart, and Betty White as Doreen; directed by Mikael Salomon. Tickets on sale now for live shows in May and June! Check out the WHM Merch Store featuring new Grab-Ass & Cancer, SW Crispy Critters, MINGO! & WHAT IF Donna? designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, get ready to get wet because this episode we're talking about hard rain. I'm soaking wet Andrew Juppin. I am sploshing Steve Sadek. I am hard Eric Siska. I'm just Chris Cabin for now. Okay. And we hate movies. Hello, everyone Welcome to the fine new, because you're a hard-raintan fanatic. comedy show where we hearties they're called the hardies they can eat a lot

we're a comedy show that takes a movie like hard rain kind of goes through the plot and makes fun of it along the way and it's all about the friends we meet on the journey are we doing an anniversary thing you're throwing this one back into the mix wow we love you and we love each other we're just here to have some fun and it's

okay to like a movie and I like this movie I saw this for the first time yesterday and I think it's fucking fantastic. It's from 1998, directed by Mikhail Salomon. No directorial film credits between here and

2014's freezer. You guys take a look at freezer? It's a movie about Dylan McDermott. Oh, fun. And Mike Dexter himself, Peter Fassanelli, are locked in a freezer by the Russian mafia. Nice. That's the movie.

They haven't been in movies lately because of that. Is it kind of a saw thing? Is it like a horror? Like a one room type thing. It's a one roomer instead of a bathroom. It's a freezer. Or like Frozen, the one where they're on the ski lift.

So the guy that perfected wet, they got for coal. That's right. That's right. But the interesting thing about this dude, because his career, like he's directed a shit ton of TV, a lot of just one-offs,

you know, over the years. But he was a huge DP at one point. Well, he's worked on some big movies as the DP, far and away, backdraft, magnophobia always the abyss and torch song trilogy so he's worked with a lot of directors he did double penetration on all those movies oh man yeah dude he was worn out by the end of that let me tell you yeah i'm gonna need more loop over here those are some good looking movies that's the the abyss they're like let's get the wet guy back you're right the wet guy back for the wet movie hey he knows how to shoot water and stuff look all the spider's wet we're never mind just get him back here get him in here uh this is the third listener requested episode for this year. And we got the call

here. Let's... Can you tell, by the way, I'm a much more chipper to put this call on than equilibrium? Yeah, I just had so much fun with this movie. All right, let's see the grand person that requested Hard Rain. Hi, this is Julia from Boston and I'd like to request the 1998 movie Hard Rain featuring Christian Slater and Morgan Freeman. It is a a wild ride of an attempted armored car theft by Morgan Freeman,

Christian Slater being the armored guard there. It includes a flood and speedboats and chase through a cemetery. Catastrophic floods, also there's Randy Gwaite in it. Anyway, I hope you guys have fun. Thanks for doing this request month. There we go. Julia from Boston. Thank you.

Thank you so much. We had so much fun watching the movie. And I think that does it for us. Actually, no. You know why? Because I need to hit play real quick. What? Coming soon to theater.

That's right. It's the VHS trailer game. I just want the points, okay? Put down the questions and walk away. You're going to shoot me in the throat. This is... Just tell me which points you want me to fuck. America's favorite game about obsolete materials.

I am your Jemaster, Stephen Sadek. And these are my clues. As you know, we're doing a little roundtable game here where we, uh, I make some questions. These guys, uh, try to answer the McLaughlin group. Yeah. It's America's favorite game despite being on not even America's favorite podcast. All right. It was the VHS tape for the film Hard Rain. Eric Sisks. Thoughts. Oh, ah, ooh. Ah. Not enough time. Chris Cabin. Let's go. Thoughts. The Republicans do not want you to know what's in Hard Rain. And that's just a wet Morgan Freeman.

That's a wet mini driver. They don't want you to know. Oh, he nailed it. A wet mini driver. Anyways, I want to just, what is our score count? I have it here now.

Five. Did I win? No, Chris Cabin is in the lead with 28 huge points. Okay, they're best. Eric's second place with 25 mediocre points. No, no, they're actually looking at them next to each other. And mine might be just a little bigger.

I know there's less of them, but these points are a little after. And they're measuring from the base, or are you measuring from the balls? I'm measuring from the asshole. And then Andrew has 18 thick points. Oh, yeah, dude. They're thick. Those are gurfy guys. Yeah, man.

You know, it might not be a skyscraper, but it's certainly a barn door. If you know what I mean. Back to Bundo, if anyone's still listening, we're going to play a little trivia game right now. So, yeah, blah, blah, everybody knows. Can you also tell we haven't recorded an episode together in person in a while? Where the mania sets in. Yeah, I had the Nola virus there. It was some hard rain coming out of my asshole for a couple days.

Not so fun. They can be Noro virus. Nola virus is just being hung over in New Orleans. Did that too. So, here we go. Round one. Game Master's Clue. An edgy college comedy that tried to revamp a teen TV star's career by rebranding him as the wacky friend with black hair

and a plot so dark, a noose was on the cover. Oh, God, I saw Andrew first. Is that Dead Man on Campus? It is Dead Man on Campus for five big points. Everybody raised their hand. Thank you for acknowledging that. The news on the cover really did it. Mark Paul Gossler with the black hair.

Yeah, that's right. I remember being horrified at that trailer for that die job alone. I think that's probably an episode. It's probably. Yeah. Because I think it's also really raunchy. What's that one guy with the funny name? Tom Everett Scott?

No. Your favorite guy from the scary movie. Dracula 2000. His name's like Cortland. Oh, Lachlin Monroe. Lockland Monroe. It's close.

Not far. Actually, yeah, dude, because I think this is no reason to remember this at all. But I think it was because it's the only time I ever heard it as a name. The little kid, I think who portrayed AHA in the Little Rascals movie. Oh, wow. He was a kid who was one. Okay. So not the band.

No. Yeah, not aha. Uh-huh. Sorry, there we go. His name was Cortland Mead, if I remember. Oh, okay. Yeah, no, I thought his name was Cortland Manor, but go ahead. Here we go.

Route two. Game Masters Kalu. A legal thriller from the king of legal thrillers, directed by a celebrated director with an all-star cast and starring a scrappy young New Englander just a few months. Chris Cabin? The Rainmaker. The Rainmaker is number two,

Big Points for Chris Cabin. Coppola. That's a Coppola movie. It's a Copeland. Yeah. I never saw it. It's good. Is it pretty good? I mean, like, the grit, I mean, it's a Copeland movie. So it's pretty well made. So did they put that on this because Hard Rain, Rain, Rainmaker? Yes. Where did the rain? Matt Damon

did it. It's, I think it's an episode only because, Chris, do you know this? Maybe drivers wet in that, too? No. John Void stuff? I mean, John Boy is hilarious in it. Do you know who plays Claire Dane's a beautiful? abusive boyfriend. It's me. I'm in a movie.

You made it into a major motion picture. I'm talking to France of Fort Cobol. I escaped Melrose place, Allison. Hey, Francis, I bet you hear this all the time. I'm just going to be real with you, man. Godfather's Three is the best one. Speaking of which, I just watched an SVU with Jane in it. Oh, wow.

She's an alcoholic whose abusive husband is trying to get her locked up so they can take or baby. I like that. It's quite crazy. Wow, that sounds like a plot of a Melrose Place episode. And people need to get back into Melrose 210, which is our Patreon show where we talk about Melrose Place in 902.1. It's a hot item. We're done with this game now, right?

No, we're not. We've got two more, and now it gets difficult. Oh, boy. Two more. Two more. Yeah. Game Masters Clue, round three. Just another serial killer thriller from the late 90s. This one has a southern setting and the

serial killer kidnaps the detective son. This one's a tough one because it's like, it's just, it's a, we're down in the south and it's getting hot here, kidnapping these kids. Just another serial killer thrown in the late 90s. This one has a southern setting. Serial killer

kidnaps the detective son. Detective son. I mean, you know what? Just because it's so stupid and I don't think it's going to help anybody, the lead detective, or maybe he's an FBI agent, is Detective LaCross. La Crosse. The name is lacrosse in this.

Not LaCroix? No. All right. Number four Four big points, Tribune Trivia. According to an interview with writer and director, Jeb Stewart and Premier Magazine, he had originally intended to make this movie back in the 1980s under the title

Going West in America with Sydney Poitier, Robert Duval, and Kevin Bacon in three main roles. I will say it's actually helpful a little bit because Sydney Poitier is a black man and that lets you know there's a black man in the lead in the serial killer movie. That's kind of rare. Chris Cabin?

Just cause? It is not just cause. Chris Cabin's out of the round. Andrew Jubin? 187? It is not. 187. That's Eric is alone.

Yes. Yeah, let's diminish this return for me. This isn't going to help anything. I'm not going to get this. No, you'll get it for one of the stars. The Hunter is tracking. the killer. This is the tagline. The hunter is tracking the killer, but the killer is setting

the trap. I mean, like, this is the most bland serial killers. Hors shit you'll ever see. What the fuck? This is a secret movie. I'm kind of thinking I might like whatever this turns out to be. You know, you know. You're already lost. You're a loser. I still support

for two points. He's the J. Master, not you. Calm yourself. That's where you get your marching order. What is this? A Francis Ford Coppola illegal thriller? Oh! The game maker. Oh, dude, yep.

So the second build star in this film is Danny Glover. Southern. Okay, and it's not Saw. It's not Saw. It's like 90, this is all 98-ish. Oh, my goodness. Does he happen to have pornography in his car in this movie? I can't remember.

I don't think I've ever seen this movie, actually. Oh, okay. So you're doing a Jame, you don't even know. And then finally for one big point. Dennis Quaid is the lead. Yep. Okay. So can I say now I know what it is.

Well, I could still guess it here. I know. I know. What's that? Like I still have 90 minutes here on the clock that I can guess this. I'll tell you dude, if you can remember me incessantly referencing this over the years, Danny Glover does indeed have pornography papered all over the inside of his car. All right.

It's called frequency. It is not. Switch. it's switchback. A movie no one remember. I don't remember this at all. And I had nothing to do in the idea. The thing about the southern thing's a little bit of a throw because it's like

winter in the south. Oh, you son of a bitch. It can't be winter in the south as I understand. But it's kind of funny because when I thought I was switchback and then I was like picturing Danny Glover in a winter jacket and I was like, well no. Yeah. All right. So last one.

This one's also a little on the obscure side. Game Master's Clue, a star-studded geyser pleaser of the highest order. This one is a Los Angeles set neo-noir with sexy twists. Just to note, this movie's title was reused in a much more popular supernatural franchise about a decade later. Huh. A star-studded geyser pleaser of the highest order. This one, a Los Angeles set neo-noir with some sexy twists.

Just to note, and this is the helpful one, this movie's title was reused in a much more popular supernatural franchise just thing is that of Chris Cabin? Mahal and Falls. It is not Maloan Falls. That's actually where my mind was going as well. Yeah, Mahal and Falls is a geyser, please. Yeah.

Big cast for that. I'm going to move on to the trivia. The box office take for this movie was disappointing. That was just, that's what just stupid. Great, great, great, great trivia there. No, that's really helping me. That's be fun with IMDB or the better one, which is Rees Witherspoon's first nude scene.

She was not naked again on screen until she appeared in Wild in 2014. Huh. So Reese Witherspoon's fucking around this movie is one of the youngerish people. Interesting. I did not know that she did nudity. Now everyone's going to watch this movie.

Any, uh, cut I move on. Again, I do think that's supernatural, later in the aughts, this was a supernatural, the title.

Later in the aughts is what you're saying. Like this is very vague. All right. some people can buy their way out of anything except the past dog shit keep moving on so we're at two points now you're down to two points

Susan Sarandon is in this film oh okay yeah I still got nothing oh man and lastly you're just trying to think of titles of the fucking TV show oh fuck yep and finally

Paul Newman is in this film I got it Twilight it is Twilight for one big one big one for yeah oh of course i won the game and now yeah uh paul newman plays a shimmery vampire in that movie he puts uh susan saran on his back and climbs a tree it's really sexy i was uh because you said series in that first one i said franchise oh franchise i and my brain was just like a television yeah i was thinking oh i was like is there a neo noir called underworld just as a guess

it's a terrible guess I mean well Gene Hackman would have to be the werewolf then in that situation Taylor a lot yeah he would have to be I always have my shirt off

long hair at first really long hair at first James Garner is fucking around in that movie oh wow I never saw that I kind of want to watch that

it's a Sunday afternooner if you want to see men wearing hats yeah it's pretty good so there you go that's the there it's trailer

James everyone everyone got a little point. Eric got one more point, which is fantastic. Yes, great. How many points did you get, Steve? I got zero. That's right. I want you to put that in the count every time. As long as Eric can just continue through

playing this thinking Steve's a loser the whole time, we'll be if he's in third out of fourth instead of third out of third. So there you go. I'm a good winner actually. A good winner. Yeah, that's what I. I just won. Yeah.

What a point? It's not nothing. What do you got there? No, you start. Oh, no, I was just going to say this movie is also written by Graham Yost, which is fucking cool. Graham Yost, of course, justified. Really stuck. We got some footage out. I think there's even a trailer for that new Justified. Oh, I didn't even know we're doing it again. It's a, it's a minisuit. We're not like down in the holler. Like, he's somewhere going after somebody. Going to the big city. I think it is, it is kind of like, I think he might be in Detroit, actually.

I'm a sucker for a justified. So I'm excited for that to return. Yeah. What also returned was the Mandalorian, and we are recapping that on Patreon. We are doing that.com slash we ate movies, and I apologize for mentioning it. It's like space justified. It's kind of close. It's kind of close. It's just to fight himself in there, farting around in this.

That's true. That's a cop man. The other thing Gramios did was speed and this, and if the IMDB is to be believed, I kind of believe it because it tracks so neatly that this was for a while in development considered a speed seek a potential speed sequel and they're like ah don't do that because it feels like what would they call it slow like speed boats wet maybe they'd call it wet speed too wet which they did wind up to i mean it was literally they got their boat but it was just way bigger i guess they were like all right it's got to be a boat give me boat ideas this is one of the boat ideas

and the other one of speed two cruise control because they also did know is oh no i mean i've been traveling back to biblical times it's oh no This 65. This arc needs two of every animal. Let's go to. Oh, sounds like a bill and Ted's script. It's kind of weird that...

Dennis Hopper is God. Sorry. It's weird that he never did a speed two, for example. I mean, he's obviously not afraid of franchises anymore. Maybe he was at first, though. Yeah, he did. I think it is after speed.

He also wrote fucking broken arrow. Yes. That's, I mean, that's like a high-octane action. These are all, all pluses to me, these are all good. I mean, all these are movies. I'm just saying that, like, Broken Arrow could have possibly also been a speed sequel. Oh, yeah, yeah, but that seems like a speed sequel. Underground.

It's a mine cart. Or Jack, whatever his name is, the character that Keanu plays, could also go to space because this marfucker also wrote Mission to Mars. I do think that Christian Slater's career was eaten by Keanu Reeves, little bit. Sure. Yeah. I mean like it's just they're in the right mode. They're almost the same age, kind of the same mold. Like you could definitely imagine Christian Slater in point break. It wouldn't be as good. The thing is it wouldn't be as good. It's like a new kind of face. But you know,

fucking Christian Slater man. You know, we're kind of derivative off of something here. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's kind of part of the problem is like and I think Christian Slater is great. I guess nothing against him. He does just kind of. sound and frankly look in the younger days exactly like Jack Nicholson and yeah more of this I think is what the question was

I mean Christian Slater's been in a fucking hundred movies he had you know issues with a substance abuse of domestic violence or whatever else in the movies of course the Tom Sysmore School of Acting Rest in peace

I mean like that's the thing Piss Christian Slater was hard edge But, like, the thing with Cano is the hazy thing. Yes. That he's always in a daze. Even, like, you cannot separate, like, you're watching him. Like, he's one of those actors.

You're just watching him. He's only gotten harder with the actions. Right. He's easy, breezy. And everyone else had to stick up their ass, you know? Exactly. You watch reality bites and bends, too. I tell someone killed his fucking dog and then you go.

That's right. But the other part of it is, I think Slater is just always, has always been vaguely unlikable. and that works in certain things like heathers or I don't even Robert Hood Prince Pop of the volumes Like scummy You know what I mean

He's got that scum-ham Kind of a scumbagg Jack Nicholson thing Like even here like You imagine this with like Hianu and it's like Oh I like that guy here I'm like shit This guy is kind of a sarcastic little bitch

Isn't he? Yeah totally I mean that's I don't know Kind of what I found interesting about the movies There's no I mean There's a clear hero in Christian Slater But, like, even still, you're like, ah. Here's the thing.

Randy Quaid is 100% getting the drop on Keanu Reeves. He does not get the drop on Christian Slater necessarily. That's true. Yeah, Christian Slater kind of like sees right through the quaid. Randy Quaid's like, hey, look over there. What? What am I looking at? Why am I looking over here for so long?

There could be some tasty waves out here. And you say, you say the dance about to break? hangton man don't mind that clicking sound that's just my phone yeah just keep talking about the rabbits yeah oh man

this movie starts off I you know first of all right out the gate alternate paramount logo it's a stormy on the mountain it's so funny

because we pan down from it like it's a real mountain which number one your movie's based in Indiana which doesn't have number two nowadays I'm imagining you know Picard climbing it with all of his

Yellowstone friends trying to get to the best app there is. Oh, no. Adventure Time pillow person. It's raining up here. Oh, thank God. Christopher Pike, someone from my own universe in this commercial. Oh, my God. Look at all that flooding. Okay.

How much for me to do a swan dive down into the town center? How much? Come on. And something that's... Red and Stimpy. You two are incorrigible. Quiet, over there. Oh, yes, I know, I know, Wren.

Don't whiz on the electric fence. I got it. Oh, Perry Mason, can't you get a little leg up? Can't you be a little more happier? That's HBO. Have you not seen this Paramount? No, I know. Dude, it is fucking...

Reddit Stippee is in it. It's so stupid. It is a commercial where all of like the stars of Paramount Plus kind of shit, Beavis and Budhead is it? And they're all like hiking up the Paramount Mountain like it's Everest. Yes. Did we not learn anything?

All the fucking multi, like the fucking space jam. Yeah. Fucking Ready Player 1. They all fucking fail. Well, at least this is just like a 60 second ad. I don't think they did well. I mean, maybe internationally. I don't know about it.

I think we'll be seeing way more of our friends space jam. Oh, you think so? I wouldn't be surprised. I don't think we're seeing Ready Player 2. I'm not sure. Maybe Ready Player TV show. Well, that dude, what's that dude's name that wrote that fucking book? The porn guy.

Ernest Klein. There is a book called Reddemeus, right? Oh, that's right. It's Artemis. See, you couldn't call it Ready Player 2 because that motherfucker never had a friend to play video games with. Yes, that's the joke I wanted to know. Even though he didn't write a sequel, it couldn't be called Ready Player 2

because motherfucker don't have no friends. Fuck that guy is weird poetry. That dude, you know what? You don't want to be a great... You know, sometimes you have like, you go on the store counter, you know, and it's like, guess the jelly beam. Yeah. I would like to play. Guess how many fucking dupe accounts online that guy

had creeping all over the internet. It's a lot. And it's okay to like ready player one, but listen, you got to look up this guy's poetry, it's some sick shit, dude. Your little fucking color your hair white. All the way around to say, I think the cool kind of weird coincidence that winds up happening

now, it was not the case in 1998, but now as we saw just at the movies, Paramount has the screen franchise. His last two movies they've had the Scream franchise, and we are opening, the title

font is the Scream font. It is. It's the Scream font. It's the You Wouldn't Steal A Car font. It's crazy. I think I'm getting called from Base Camp. Hello? Well, no, I don't know it. I don't really like scary movies. What? How dare you talk to me like that

on the phone? Guffie, like a what? Wait, is your, is your, is your, is your, okay, I'm a little confused, I'll be honest. What's your favorite weather event? All right, fine. You know what? You keep talking to me like this. I'm going to get my friend Riker down here.

You're not going to like it. He's big. He plays a trombone and he's going to kick the shit out of you. No, he's putting data in a garage door. Oh, yes. And that's the end of that. Speaking of other intellectual properties and Forrest Gump, was this one of them? There was hard rain.

Sometimes it came in sideways. Oh, yeah. There was a hard rain. and there was Morgan Freeman was there? Or maybe it's a reference to the classic Bob Dylan song Hard rain is gonna fall.

Sometimes Jenny would have rain in her crouching. I didn't know why. There's a storm in here. I don't know, man. We went to Jenny's old dam and threw rocks at it till the water fell out.

She didn't even have any clouds around there either, just a couple bushes. I mean he did he does fail at having sex there a couple of times yes I got to change my socks well it's only one time that matters yeah it's boop Haley Joe Osmond but bam

this movie was originally called the flood but they Jenny had a flood pretty boring not for you forest the flood is kind of a boring title well also then you're going to get the fucking Christians all over you

Oh, right, because what was his name? Noah? Noah, dude, he built the arc. If I were these people, I would be... I said to Noah, you're gonna watch a hard rain. All right, that's sorry. If it was me, I would be playing up that Christian. At least in the marketing and shit, I would be like, come on. Yeah, of course, there's undertone.

Well, there's, you know, not for, well, there's under toes with all the water. Well, sure. I think, ooh, dumb water pun. But, I mean, if you amped up all this. really dumb stuff about like many driver caring about that church and the stained glass there's your and the end song

which is terrible is a very Christian lift me up isn't it an actual Christian? They're a Christian rock band I figure out who it is the Clays of jelly jars of clay Yeah which is If me up Yeah so that's a very Christian thing

So we start with this CGI pan From the Paramount Mountain We leave Picard and his friends Yes And it's this CGI thing we do see like we're going through the town it's kind of it's it's pretty effective

yeah it's like this movie looks good it's a fake you know single take situation McDonald's yeah we do have a CGI McDonald's everybody noticed the CCHAM McDonald's but me are you fucking kidding I was sober as a judge watching this movie yesterday there I mean some good city

city planning here in Hunt Huntingberg Indiana because it's on the outskirts it is because also just because like it's all Monday like it's all green and muddy and then there's the big bright yellow I mean, to their credit, that did bring people right in.

True. I mean, it's the golden. Yeah, yeah. Hey. They were golden. You don't be cool for like Grimmis and the boys were in this movie too. Oh, hey, Ronald, I'm drowning. Yeah. Well, I mean, you know that there was some fucking hapless fucking McDonald's employee just calling every 40 minutes. Can we

close? Like, yep. Nope. We cannot. If someone is rowing out, out of town and they choose to buy a fish fillet before they leave. You are going to be there to serve it to him. God damn it. Who says you need dry feet to get this meat out there?

Who says that? Who in the show me the, here's the manual. It's 700 pages. Well, it's the new Mick Wet is day doing. Yes, Rory, put a side out in front. You know, don't worry about any sandbags. Just put a side of the front. Say the Mick Wett is here for 99.7.

Oh, this is sous-Vee, actually. It's very hot water. It's been dipping in there for quite some time. Soggy beef, you know, for St. Patrick's Day. Dude, the McWet, man. That's what we call it my grandfather. I got stuck in the rain. Here's the thing.

I just put it out here right now, because I think I've already said it once, but maybe I've just said it before we were on the air. This was the first time I watched this movie. And why I think it's so much fucking fun is that this movie is really just like a Western heist robbery movie stuck inside a disaster movie?

What a fantastic idea. You think so, but then you'll watch the movie Hurricane Heist and you'll feel differently. Well, from, you know, I've only seen one, which I think is a good movie, and then the other is Hurricane Heist, which I avoided all those years ago. For sure, you're fine. You know what's a good

wet movie that was of recent era was Crawl. Yeah, that was a good one. I was thinking about Crawl in the day. I still got to see that I'm behind on a lot of wet movies. Fun movie. Good dripping one. I looked at the one time. I had a blast in theater,

and I imagine it would hold up. Yeah, no, a similar experience at a really good time in the theater. I haven't seen it since, but yeah. There's like gators in that movie. Oh, yes. It's another flood and there's a bunch of gaiters coming out.

If you want, like, contained flood movies, that's a good one. Yeah, there's some guns to. And if you already got some salt, you got some berry pepper there. Oh, wow. He's ready to go. Love that Barry Pepper.

Oh, he's all over it. A little overseas. send this crawl back a little too much pepper just a little cut maybe cut one or two scenes I like the level of Riley Joe though

oh she's in it isn't she the lead no no it's Kayla Saldario or whatever her name is yes it's that they look almost they do they do look a lot Kayla Sikario she was in one of the latter

Pirates movies she's like is she the skin possibly yeah I think she's a actress so we cut in we tighten in on Randy Quaid

who's directing traffic, aided by Mark, what of Sinema's greatest perverts, Mark Rolston? He, he, he's not as bad as his career wasn't as ruined as Dylan Baker because he's kind of a tough guy pervert.

Yes. That's the hell. Well, that's because he was actually like, like, I guess you could call there, I guess you could call Dylan Baker's performance scary. Yeah. But like, that's not the word I would go for. Yeah. His performance in Shawshank is scary. Like, before they get him.

Who is this guy in Shawshay? He's the rapist in Shawshay. Oh, okay. Yeah. So he's that, yeah. He's also in the departed. Oh, yeah. Pretty big, bigish.

Is he one of the departed? He does die. Oh, good, yes. And like, he's not a pervert in this movie until the very end. You're like, oh, well, welcome to the movie, Mark Ralston. It's a weird. What a move, dude. What a fucking.

Dude, that's the only part that's highlighted in his script for them. Look, we thought of you immediately. an 11th hour pervining when like the guy's just kind of been an asshole most of the time except for the fact that he keeps the only clue that you have is like every time it's the other guy from justified who was on it for a while he got killed yeah yeah the big-eared guy he must maybe he's like graham yost guy his views yeah it is it seems to follow him around but he you know he's got a thing from many drivers character and this other dude keeps like interfering with it the whole time which is like he seems to follow him around but he you know he's got a thing from many drivers character and this other dude keeps like interfering with it the whole time which is like the only hint. Someone, and I don't know who did it, but at the beginning of this game, this movie, someone put in the unlimited bullets code. Because they are just fucking flying through the bullet.

I noticed that, man, man, once he gets that shotgun, it's like, yeah, that's just permanently loaded. Randy Quaid, if he was a video game character with this rifle, you'd look up with the ammo and it's just the fucking infinity side. This dude is going to town with like just, you know, a rifle.

I think only mini-driver is the one that runs out of bullets. That's right. Well, when they get the automatic one. They shoot it like it's a Michael Bay movie. Like the camera's shaking and like here we go. It's fucking wild but like Randy Quaid's gun looks like it could hold maybe like 25, 30 rounds

tops and he's really going. Well you know I guess John Wu was supposed to direct this at some point. Oh is that right? It would have been a better movie for it but John Wood things he does good with boats, guns. I mean yeah it's all here. Christian Slater

I mean actually yes. If it was a martial arts movie and there was no guns involved this could be kind of cool if it was a bank iced only by martial artists oh my god a ninja bank ice movie yeah that has to exist right you think I'm sure

it's on to be yeah I was just about to check the bowels of tube imagine if you put a real budget under such a winning concept you guys are like Hollywood noting this movie to death oh so we love your script Graham hard rain amazing what do you have instead of water it was just ninjas like every drop of rain is a ninja instead how about if dan floric was a ninja

just why don't you just change that up yes there's a mythical dam full of ninjas and it's breaking loose the dam's gonna break a bunch of ninjas are gonna fall out i am getting more and more excited about this movie by the second and you could call it hard ninjas and everybody would think it meant one thing but it just meant them ninjas go hard but reddy quade is a uh a sheriff like a lame duck sheriff it seemed he was voted out of office man he is pissed about it too not thrilled no he wants to well no because that's the that's you know what he's reserved at first because like when the mayor comes by and you know he wants to spit in his fucking face yeah he definitely but it's it's the two it's the two idiots Phil and uh roll it I forget uh Wayne yeah yeah

Wayne is the creep yes yes uh Phil's the tall guy with the ears and they're like you know Why don't we burn his house down? Or why don't we leave a dead cow in the house? Which a dead cow does come up in this movie. It certainly does, dude. You got a jump scare out of me. It's like that old man's head falling out of the boat and jaws. But before then, it's just a yam fest with these two fucking cops.

Like, what do you think about birthdays? Do you like birthdays? I like birthdays too. Well, that's our boy Wayne, man. He's fucking pissed off that the flood's coming down on his birthday. Well, this is the thing. And Morgan Freeman's got a crew and Randy Quaid's got a crew and you don't know how they're going to interconnect until the end of the movie. But they both are besieged by annoying sidekicks. And it's like, yes, we don't need this many annoying sidekicks. And what is with this town? Because, you know, when we get Betty White and everyone later. Oh, yeah.

All we, you know, we remember this in 73. So every time, so the town just routinely floods. I mean, I know 73 to 98 is a period of time, but it's not that crazy. No. For this level of flooding, you would, that would be a little suspicious to me. Oh, yeah. I mean, what were we saying? 70, what you say? 73? 25 years. One that wipes out the entire time. Well, I guess this one's heavier than now. Yeah, it has to be the big one. It seems like what is going on with this town? The derelict infrastructure of this dam, whatever this fucking thing is. And what is with all the rain? I know it's called hard rain. There's a lot of rain. Open on a weather report. So that's really drive at home for me.

actually, yeah, because, like, what, you know, is this an unprecedented yada, yada. People should be pretty kind of calm with it to the point where many drivers just like, yeah, I'm running gas generators to pump water out of the church. And I'm like, that seems a little crazy. You got like six of them.

You're doing nothing. You might as well be doing fucking nothing. Because it's weird because they never say the word hurricane. And I mean, like, you know what I mean? Because that would make big storm. So that's another question. Why, how do I not get a fucking opening scene like the scene in Twister where

it's some guy eating a donut coffee fills on him like an asshole and then he goes and he's like there's two storms they're gonna hit and then the little twister scene do da da da da da da da do you and PG oh crap it's a huge fucking storm for Huntingberg

holy shit there's like four coming at once and it's all over what's the name with this town Huntingberg that's like four names and one better alert the bank they gotta get their money out of there oh my god get at the friend's house

the money's gonna drown that is an interesting note that the bank the banks have been clearing up all the money along the river you know presumably multiple towns for the point in which this armored car has three million dollars three million gazulas

yes we see the last of the pickups with Christian Slater and his uncle Ed Asner his you find out that their uncle and nephew about an hour and 15 minutes into this 97-minute movie. A little too late, I would say. You might even say it doesn't matter. A lot of late reveals, I'll say on this one.

The bank manager played by April O'Neill's boss from the first Ninja Turtles. Oh, wow. Come help me with my fucked up son, Judith Hogue. All right, Dan. And they're trying to do a little funny thing here. It looks like he's getting robbed. Oh, yes. But he's not. It's just Ed Dasner telling him about how 9-11 was actually done by the Saudis.

Oh, man. If only he could have warned us because it was right before it happened. I had a dream last night. I had a dream about those goddamn Saudis. All right. Go to bed, grandpa. They're coming for us. The flight schools. By the way, I just did the inflation calculator for $3 million in 1998 would be $5.5 million today. Oh, yeah. So it's not bad. So it's even nice cut. I'd put a dead cow in a mayor's house for, you know. I would put a dead mayor in a cow's house for three million clams, come on.

Cows, like, what are you supposed to eat this guy or what? What's that Sash say? Oh, mayor, okay. I'm not doing that on. I'm not doing it. Whatever he has to be doing it. I'm not doing it. I will not be doing that.

They put a bunch of grass on them. I'm not going to do it. I guess, so I guess, there probably more on the McVeigh tip at that. He was planning it, having calls with Timothy McVeigh. No, some of his stuff kind of makes sense. All right, Terry Nichols, shut up. Put Tim on the phone.

I mean, Ed Asner is like, so they get in the car, and this is the unlikable Christian Slater. This job fucking sucks. You wasted your life, you old prick. Yep. Totally, man. Wow. Eat fucking shit old timer.

I guess I wasted my fucking life having a house and a family. I guess my family's gone. bitch. I might as well rob an armored truck. I don't know. Yeah, it is just like he needs to be saying something here about like, I worked hard. It wasn't all wine and roses every time. Because like, spoiler alert, Ed Asner's fucking in on it, even though he is hilariously shot in the throat right at the beginning of this movie. But like he's in on it. So like you should set that up with like, you know, your aunt Lucille and I didn't always have it so great. the house is falling apart. Call him Uncle Charlie once.

And then I'm like, but it also adds tension to the scene and a little more complexity if you do know he's in on it from the beginning. And then like the crossfire is a little bit more of a hiccup. And like maybe God bless it, we kill Kenny earlier. Oh, dude, you bastard.

Man, oh man, was I waiting for this guy to die? Yeah, because even if there's like Uncle Charlie's driving the truck, you know, yeah, you're right. You might be right. I guess I wasted my life doing a job. But maybe one day my luck might change. A little, little something. It's like beat, beat, beat. And that day just might be today, kid.

What do you mean? Well, you know what I mean? Like something, something. But yeah, so going to Morgan Freeman. And you know what? I really like Morgan Freeman in this movie. I'm just so used to him being an old, old man at this point. Oh, like that appearance at the Academy Awards,

which just might. be his last man. He's not looking great. He's exciting in this movie. He is. He's very like, you know, for lack of a better word, butch. Like he is really like. Yeah, he's energetic. Yes. Well, this is the nurse Betty phase where like he's trying to do both. Because what he started out with, like Street Smart, the thing that where he really broke through, he's like a villain. Like he's like a guy you're supposed to be scared of and he's like really affecting in that movie. Did someone have no direct that by the way? I've never seen Street. Jerry,

the guy who did scare. Oh, oh yeah. Oh, okay. I'm blanked I'm blanking I'm blanking I'm blanking directed that no I mean what Freeman is coming into

like he hasn't gone old man yet like he hasn't he isn't total Shawshank redemption yes exactly like I'm all wisdom that's what I'm here for

it's post Shawshank but at the same time he was young enough and vervy enough to be able to like be like okay I did Shawshank but now I'm going to do

the heist movie he was just like wise he wasn't necessarily like derelict or anything you know he was just imprisoned i think he has a silly cowboy hat and nurse betty too i definitely does i believe that he definitely what was it was a hit was like samuel jackson with the kangled what is with the nurse betty everyone talking about nurse betty this nurse betty that wasn't that great no it's a terrible movie it's also it's also quite often uh requested on this by the way jerry shatsberg chatsberg uh but so we meet them there i want to know where this bar is I think it's in town. It's like, all right. We are going to close up at some point, guys. And, you know, it's Kenny, who played by Michael Gorgian, who is the other guy in Salt Lake City Punk. Oh, he's cocaine Bob. He's cocaine Bob and Salt Lake City Pump.

And I'm sure he was. He was on party of five for a hot minute. He was. He was. He was Neff Campbell's boyfriend. Fuck, why do I know any of this? It's like fucking cocaine Bob. Why don't you learn a math problem?

And the other guy is the guy who is wasting Al Pacino's motherfucking time. in heat. Oh, yes, he is. And that dude, what fucking, that guy, that guy directed, and I think he's in it, but he directed the Snoop Dog Gin and Juice video. Really? I think that's, wow. Nice. That's awesome. That's accomplished artist. Yeah, he was wasting Pacino's motherfucking time. Accomplished artist and great drink. Ricky Harris. Ricky Harris. That's right. But they're doing this thing where it's like, because Kenny is played by Method. the most annoying character in all of this. The fact

that this dude because he deserved it does not instantly die from the hilarious injuries this dude sustains this movie. Fuck that shit. I was praying for this guy to get killed. But it is kind of great because he's like, oh, what do you want to do with your money? Ray and blah, blah, blah. And Ray has this very

annoying thing where he talks in Bible quotes. Sure does. But excuse me, but Morgan Freeman really likes it. He needs it. He needs it. It inspires him. It's like Hulk Hogan hearing it from the crowd. He loves it. I love me one of the weird ones.

I love this bit where Morgan Freeman's like, Hey, Kenny, help me with my crossword puzzle. He's like, well, I don't do crossword puzzles, Mr. Cheap, but he's like, why don't you fucking look at the crossword puzzle? And it just says if you say one where they go to the money, I'm going to kill you. And what's awesome is he's using like the cross boxes as much as he can. And then he just starts writing the rest of the rest of the money. of it on the newspaper. And the funny thing

is, listen, I I don't think I ever saw a trailer for this movie you know, and so yesterday. I definitely read it this movie by the way. Did anyone else watch this movie theaters or not VHS? It was tape. I think it was HBO or something. But yeah, I saw it a few times. Yeah. For sure. But I, one,

I was totally faked out by the, uh, the Christian Slater, Ed Asner getting the money thing at the beginning. But then also, like, I didn't know what Morgan Freeman's role was in the movie. So he does, that and it fucking scared me. Dude, I never want Morgan Freeman to be

mad at me. Holy shit. Excuse me. Do you think I got this one right? Actually, I think it's Chattanooga. No, me, a little closer. Oh, the Sunday ones. Oh, he's so hard of the threaten people with. Oh, you're a literate.

God, damn. Son of a bitch. But it does really play into my thinking that this is like a, it's like a Western robbery movie. because, like, I mean, one motherfucker is wearing a cowboy hat. They're most of this.

But, like, it's this gang. Yes. They just are there. You don't know anything about them. But, like, once he slides that newspaper across, I was like, oh, this dude means fucking business and these are the villains of the movie. It's a very cool review. And Dan Florek as this break, pre-breaking bad ex-esque, like, crooked science teacher.

That dude got fired for fucking trying to take a student out on a date, probably. He was kissing somebody. Doing his best Kurt Van Houghton. Like an absolute stunning. Did I borrow a feeling, Olivia? But an evil science teacher is a great trope. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, eventually Breaking Bad became amazing. But yeah, I mean, we need more evil science teachers and things. The bombs, the little gadgets, the MacGyvering. Isn't John Stewart an evil science teacher in the faculty? Yes, he's part reptile. It's the goatee that does it. That's what turns of evil. Yeah, that guy looks okay with a beard, but dude, that guy looks okay with a beard, but dude,

that goate. Nobody looked in. I had one of that goatee. It was terrible. Yeah, I looked like an asshole of the goate. Nobody looks good. Dan Florek is like Morgan Freeman's kind of number two. He's wearing this bucket hat and these like glasses with the tape on them. He is a character straight out of the OG taking a pelham

one, two, three. Yes. Because he's in that fucking disguise such as it is and he's only referred to as Mr. whatever the the character name is, which I thought was kind of Mr. Mueller, Miller. Yeah. It's like Molner or something, but it sounds like sounds like everyone's saying Miller. I kept on thinking the one

I got the, because I guess you don't see him coming together like it, but the killing was high in my mind. The way that the mixture of like the different kinds of people who are doing this together. I mean, Florek, you get like he has, he's made they have really planned this out.

He's got Ziplock bag bombs, dude. He's got a bunch of them. Like he just got a bag of these bombs and we don't even get to use all of them until the end. Ray, don't touch those. Those are my Peter butter sandwiches in case I get hungry. That's in the left cooler. In the right cooler, it's all the bombs.

I'm not going to go to the McDonald's. They're trying to scam you. That's wasting money. Bring your sandwich from home. And I don't want anyone getting confused here because both the bombs and the sandwiches are again in those Ziploc bags. Elliot, you cool out. Elliot, you

go and cool out. My sandwich is ticking. Yeah, eat that sandwich, Kenny. Go eat that sandwich. You know, I hear, eat two of them just in case the first sandwich don't work. And Olivia, you go to bed. You're working too hard on this case, Olivia. You need to go to bed.

Munch, you don't eat that sandwich, all right? But Elliot, you cool out. You hear me, Elliot, you cool out. I love fucking Dan Florek. He's awesome. He's awesome. He's awesome. Him being in this movie upset, like, two points for me.

Well, because it's such a rarity. You never get this flavor in these movies. And it's a great death, by the way. We'll get you away. So, like, they're having, Slater and Ed Asner having this argument and Ed Azner

accidentally in quotation marks takes a spill down a hill and they're stuck in the mud there or in the water I should say I don't know you know I thought we called these things armored cars for a reason this dude gets six inches into the water

he's like it's strong that's what they want you to believe all those things are like made out of paper machet dude well I mean this is also we're working in a fantasy land where, like, I mean, they say that the, what, the Coast Guard isn't showing, the National Guard

isn't showing up, they would be there. At this point, they would absolutely. Well, regardless of a single armored car driver calling the National Guard, I mean, the fucking town's flooding out. I'm sure the mayor made a phone call. They're there. The people are

there. No, sorry, we had to send those boys over to Kosovo. Keep the peace. We're all tapped out. Whoops, you're Flooded because the boys were bomb in Kosovo again. Oh shit. I've never win in Indiana anyway. Just let it go.

Excellent. But yeah, so they're like stuck and like Adasner says that he calls a Coast Guard. But it, well, national national card. But yes, he doesn't at all. He apparently calls, you know, Morgan Freeman and all them. So they come, you know, they

arrive via boat, I believe. Or no, they're in their own cars. it's not that radio. It's a whole thing where like there was just a like a dip in the road and it's all flooded out and they're on opposing sides of it. And I think this is fucking cool man. Because anytime in a movie where like the headlights come on and like the protagonist can't see who's, I was like, this is trouble. And like the boat thing, though, another question about this movie. Every single person owns a boat. I don't know why.

Well, dude, here's the thing. We keep saying it's Indiana. I know. But maybe this town is indeed so prone to flooding that when you move there, they're like, hey, welcome to the whole Hoggotsburg or wherever the fuck this town is. And they're like, listen, better invest in a boat. Doesn't have to be nothing fancy. You can just have a rowboat. I mean, there is a mention of our town floods constantly.

River. So, yeah, maybe recreationally. Oh, I mean, sure, yeah. But it's just interesting that many drivers got a boat. Betty White's got a boat. Everyone's got a boat. I think Hank's got a boat later on. Everyone has a boat. You see, we're in this valley called the bowl.

And everything fills. It just goes under immediately. You know what's funny, though, is I think all that stuff that we're talking about, like where is Paul Giumadi forecasting the super storm? Where is the specialty location of the bowl? All of those things make it lean way more towards disaster movie. Yes. Which I think, like, this movie is way better for being like,

This is a heist movie and someone left the fucking faucet on for too long. And they don't acknowledge the disaster movie parts of it that you would normally. Which is a strength, but at the same time. A little bit. Maybe just one thing. It's only when you start picking it apart like we're doing right now. I mean, I still think it's a fun movie. Do you think Randy Quaid lost that election because the other guy was just like,

no more floods. And Randy Quaid's like, well, you can't really. No more floods. No more floods. This sheriff's, you know, the sheriff wannabes trying to tell you that there's going to be no more floods. Well, shit, Clark, he can't control the weather. So you're pro flood. I'm voting you out.

Sheriff, could you answer the people of this town one question, why do you love floods so much? Well, looks like you pray to your rain gods because there's a flood happening. There are dogs and cats and you want them to drown. I guess you do because you love floods. See, he's praying into rain gods. That's not a good Christian sheriff. You know what? And I take over in January, one more flood from fucking Sheriff Flood over there. Oh, no. Then he'll win, you know, the sheriff of Murder Water County or whatever this is called.

Correct. But so here's, so like, now in hindsight, we now know that Ed Asner is in on it with Morgan Freeman. Morgan Freeman later also reveals that he feels bad that he didn't reveal to the rest of his gang that the other guy's in on it. Because that's what you need to do as we're, I'm going to rob. It also goes both ways. Because it's like, working for me and he's like, all right,

we've got to rob these guys. But good thing is, we got a man on the inside. So we just got to point guns. And he's going to take care of this. And then Asher needs to be like, oh, well, raise him to the sky.

You know what I mean? Like there's no point short that. You know what? It's not worth it. Christian Slater where it's all in short, hands in the sky. I mean, this is all I'm working.

If you're not going to tell Floric, you have to tell this. fucking idiot Kenny. Because idiot Kenny is of course going to fuck it up. How do you know he is going to fuck it up? Because he always fucks it up. I mean, you're totally right. And this is what you do though, man.

Because there's some like nonsense about like when I was friends with Kenny's father and I promised that man when I got him killed in the robbery that I'd take care of his son. Like or whatever it is, right? All of the O'Hallahans get killed in robberies and they're all working for me. I tried to snuff him out with a pillow in the crib.

He survived. So I say, give him a free pass but that's the thing though is like if you know this whole thing is fake give that dude a gun so he shuts up but there ain't no bullets in it yeah blanks or something you wouldn't need to bullets or just go you know hey charlie shoot him in the head you're your own fucking what is it nephew Kenny yeah oh no no no no friends later oh yeah oh yeah just had asner she just kill slater oh yeah because you know why dude because like hey this this kid's mouthing off at me call saying i wasted my life oh i wasted my life well look like your life said.

Yeah, totally. Talk about expiration dates. I mean, it should be like, well, I was going to let you in on all the money, but you made fun of how I made a living for these last 30 years. You probably think recycling's real.

Just be like, listen, kid, we're going to make well on this. It's going to be 25 grand for you and a lot for me. Don't worry about it. I just remembered Christian Slater's name is Tom. Tom. Yeah, which is kind of buried in this.

You know, we kind of, when he introduces himself to a mini driver like when there's like 30 minutes left to the movie. Oh yeah, you're right. He's like leaving her someplace. He's like, I'm Tom by the way. It's like it's fucking 10 minutes left. That's, oh God. That's amazing because the same exact thing happens in Broken Arrow. Oh, really? He shakes

Samantha Mathis's ad. He's like, hi. Oh, yeah. The ending of it is him literally introducing yourself to Samantha. That's right. That's right. Is it Mattis from Morton? I think it's Mathis. I think it's Mathis. Yeah. Morton is the other one. Mathis Morton. Because she's in Super Mario Brothers.

Well, yeah. No, but with Christian Slater pump at the volume. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So in the lights are bright and like, as they're like, oh, well, we're getting robbed. And like, you know, what do you call it there? Christian Slater's like, oh, they're pretending not drunk. Like, oh, we'll just come by. Don't worry about it. You know, we'll help

you guys out. It's like, why are their lights? so goddamn bright, you know. Turn them off. You got to turn off your goddamn floodlight. Hold them between your fucking knees. Why are we in the outback? Are you hunting kangaroos? Why you got those big lights up there?

So I think Slater reaches for his gun and in retaliation Kenny shoots fucking Ed Asner in the throat. Oh my God. It is. And so that was it's like the first like big piece of violence in the movie. I was like, oh it's this kind of movie. Oh, it's spectacular.

Because people get shot in the throat He's just dying in a big pool of water At Azner, it's pretty great In this moment specifically Because I think he does get like one word out to him or something But you gotta be like Tom, I'm in a I'm with that

And start swimming It is kind of fucked up when like Christian Slater like makes a break for it with the money And they like swim or float over to The armored car there and you just see Ed Asner float and fucking gut up in this water. That dude does not get a proper burial at. Oh, no.

Think about how rotten that body is when they find it. Oh, the bloat dude. Yeah, like a month later, some dogs have been chewing at it. Fucking, you know, some beavers were making a damn out of them. Of course, yeah, exactly. Damn asder, dude. Why is it that in this movie, I guess like, because it's like it was a serious role or something.

Edward Asner in the beginning. I guess it's like I'm trying to be revamped for movies now. That's cool. Very professional. Well, because I think isn't he just back to being Ed Asner and Elf? I think so. Right? He's in that movie. He is. He's Santa Claus. Yeah. I think he might just be Ed. I don't know. Maybe

I could be totally wrong, but I just remember thinking like Edward. He should just go by Ward, maybe. Oh, yeah. For the serious one. I think it was just just Ed in JFK. When he beats the shit out of Jack. Oh, God. I just love that. He beats it with a gun. Oh, yes.

You're stupid. Because you're stupid. That's why. That's the kind of fucking gun-kata I'm talking about. Oh, dude, and as they're gun-caught. Oh, geez. But, yeah, so, like, they go over. Christian Slater's gone.

Morgan Freeman's upset with Kenny. And I remember it. I kind of wish, he just shoots Kenny in the head right here. Wouldn't that be the move? Like, you fucked around now. you're going to find out. Let that be a lesson. You dead, Florek.

What did I do? I'm a show of power. You have to drown him. Yes. You hold them under there. Yeah. Isn't it kind of weird that not a single person,

like with all these villains and heroes floating around, no one forcefully drowns a person in this movie? It was weird. Like what a total missed opportunity. I mean, you almost, I mean, like, if fucking Christian Sarah comes this close

to Poseidening, like Kurt Russell. Oh, dude. That disturbs. me in the theaters, man. Kurt Russell's death in that movie disturbed the fuck out of me. It is pretty real. It's pretty gnarly, I gotta say. Because the rest of that movie's terrible,

but that one part, all of a sudden becomes like incredibly realistic. It's like, what the fuck? It's the silly, the boat sinking movie where everybody's just dying all these silly deaths. And then all of a sudden you're watching Kurt Russell believably drowned. Is he like

Mario if he doesn't get the air bubble? He doesn't say the music comes up. You didn't have the frog costume, yeah. So he got fucked. I had to go quicker. Fucking squids. Christian Slater stashes the money in a mausoleum somewhere and then swims. Under the name Portman.

Yes. Swims to a mini-driver who is a church enthusiast. Now, this is a stained glass artist. But she's also too good for this small town. had to go get a college education and then she's like oh well I'll prove it to them that I'm good and I'll

I'll refurbish the church of the town people will like me then no bad that's for that humanity's degrees I just don't understand what her job is I don't understand her function with the church and I also don't understand this accent dude ooh it's tough for her

it's Indiana Chris Cabin mentioned Twister earlier in the conversation. The fucking tornado is coming out of her mouth, man. She's trying to hold on to this accent. And it is getting sucked out in the basement like Helen Hunt's dad.

It is just, I mean, she was better off. I said this on the chat yesterday. If she kept her fucking terrible Russian accent from Goldbeye, I'd be like, that's way more believable than whatever is going on.

Your normal fucking voice is fine. Nobody cares. You fucking, didn't you you you aren't a spurred lady like you just came from there oh yeah just oh well you know I was uh these are just these are special stained glass things I'm an art historian old mister whatever the fuck told me to come over here and take care of them he's on vacation and I'm British you could I know no this is I'm thinking a little outside the boxer guys stop me if I go too far sure could cast an American woman yeah also true uh mini driver hits him in the head with a

crucifix and she thinks he's sneaking into the church or stealing something from the church Christian Slater. I don't know what was going on with the layout of this church. Oh, I can just answer this for you. The church of England. It's a church of England.

No, it's a weird thing where he goes. He's like, I'm going to go through this fucking door, all right, baby. And he goes in and then he walks up a huge staircase. And he's on the first floor of the church. And I was like, well, did he go in through a basement door? It just looks like a door that he goes. The church belongs in Castlevania, not in Hard Rain.

There is so much going on with it. Come on in. This is your master bedroom. This is after he like hides through the school for a little bit. Oh, that's right. The school, I think it happens first.

I apologize. Oh, they chase him through the school with the, yeah. With the jet skis and stuff. And that's another thing. I think we do get a brief scene of them going to the jet ski store. Yeah,

because it's like Morgan Freeman's like, you know, we got to just, we got to get in here and steal a boat or whatever. and he just picks like a like a fishing motor boat no frills or whatever and Kenny

no but the other the other guy the Bible quoting Ray yeah it's Ray oh Ray yeah he's like oh but Morgan Freeman Jim why don't we take this sexy boat and he's like you know we're doing a heist you know we're just got to get in and get out and he's like but you're stealing it's kind of a funny line because he's like

but we're stealing something why wouldn't we steal the best of the things that we're stealing let us have some toys come on we're trying to have fun here and they have I mean they get jet skis that's what Kenny's like ooh jet ski it's it's kind of like well let the kids have jet skis dan flore dan florex says it's okay if you guys have here do you want some Hawaiian shirts too how would that make you feel it is cool it's a cool it's a cool sequence going through the school yeah going all down these corridors just thinking how like someone was going to class through the other day now some guys are riding a jet ski

shooting a gun through it pretty cool this is the first appearance of dan florex plastic bag bombs yes which is pretty great yeah they they try to like off Christian Slater right here but blows up in their face there is a thing that's cool in the school scene where he Christian Slater fakes out Kenny because he's like I gotta say

I want to know like what kind of leg workouts these dudes were getting because everyone in this movie is huffing it through water and it had to be so hard on them thighs this shit must have been a fucking nightmare oh yeah I mean I think I mean Christian Slater was in phenomenal shape but Morgan Freeman I would think

even at that age, she has to take a couple rests in this. Yes. I think that's why we wrote way more boats into the script. What if I just floated down? What if I was a boat guy? How about after this? I just play old guys. None of this cowboys shoot him up stuff. I'm just the old guy who knows stuff. But Christian Slater does a cool like, come on,

motherfucker, come get me. And Kenny speeds towards him and he goes underwater. And Kenny hits like a little staircase that's in the school. goes flying this dude should have been dead right i actually wrote on my notes dude dies flying into trophy i thought that we i was so sure he was dead but he also does he does a fucking a d-day an animal house before ram and i'm like what for who me it's my favorite movie i'm kettie just for the guy you're trying to kill yeah dude because he wants he wants tom's last thought to be like this dude killed me while throwing out an animal house quote.

Got to do it. Baller move. The quips here, not as sharp, you know. Low tie, sailor. Oh, not great. It's not good. It don't need to be die hard. It just needs to be a fun action movie.

Even just watch the first step is better than that. Oh, that's a good one. First steps a doozy. There it is. First steps a doozy. I mean, like, I would like it if this guy just did die right here. And like you go up to it. And he looks like he just.

drank the juice from street trash he's just barely holding on for dear life and he says it looks good on you though I was thinking one more quip in there Jenny maybe a what do you call there home at the end of the world he goes to the glass pain he thinks he's okay

dude I had to think about what you were talking about for a second and then once you started going I remembered the movie and that is by no stretch of the imagination a good movie whatsoever. But fuck, that, I remember, I saw the movie in the theaters and that part

fucked me up. I think about that scene, when I see anyone just gently bump into a glass door, I'm like, no, don't go, you're going to go so much worse. You don't understand. You see that movie at home with the end of the world? I mean, it's fucked up. What could have happened to you? It's funny. Kenny does that. He says, to go.

To go. To go. To go. Falls to the pig. At some point around here, we're past it because the flooding is way higher than when this actually happens in the movie. But we should say at one point earlier Randy Quaid's like going around and he

sees someone peeking out of their window and he stops the car and knocks on the door and it's Betty White and the dude who played Doc Copper and the thing. Oh, okay. And they're like this, you know, the classic and this is, they are the two that come the closest to

like the disaster movie cliches. It's the fucking, the stubborn old people that aren't going to leave. And she's like, we're setting booby traps in the house. Because I guess she has some memory of like back in the 70s, they got looted. She said, yeah, in 73 that they looted everything and everything

else that they didn't take, they broke just to break it or whatever. Show we watched straw dogs the other night. We got a couple of ideas about a hot little picture. What if we stayed here? Maybe some English workers might come back. Well, you're

in a Hollywood movie. It's guaranteed. I fell asleep after the first 10 minutes. What else happens in that movie? This has come up a lot in the past few years because the world is fucking crumbling on itself. Evacuating is expensive. It's not always possible, which is why we need services by like some kind of government agency to help people. Or maybe repair that fucking damn. What's happening?

When we meet this guy who's like the dam operator taking a shit at one point? point in the dude phenomenal running out of the can with your pants around your ankles so many people do heel turns in this movie i didn't see it coming from hank the damn operator yeah dude there's so many fucking heel turns it's like i'm watching summer slam uh he is the guy from uh oh brother the is you is is you not my constituency oh really homer stokes yeah he's yeah the killer building episode of the x files with like the supercomputer the one who gets the guy who gets killed in the elevator. Oh, that's him too. Oh, I like that. Wayne Duval also was pretty good on last season of the righteous gemstones as Eric Robert's dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice. I got to get back on

that righteous gemstones, man. Good little show there. Good little career for this gentleman. But so he's like the damn guy. The dam is just like in pieces. Pretty much. It's a real like, what are you even doing there for this damn dude? Like, I know it's your job, but whatever you were supposed to do? At the beginning of this movie, you already fucked it up. It's like he's systematically opening certain gates to let water out of it, so it doesn't explode. Right.

But then the heel turn. Yeah. Then he has to go fetch the money with the sheriff, so he lets the explode and destroy the town, I guess. But would it be destroyed anyway? Because it seems like this rain is still pretty hard. I mean, it seems like any amount of rain

would have caused it. Like, the dam seems to be hold together by bubble gum and hope. And this guy just doesn't, like, he has to do a heel turn because he doesn't have anything to do in the movie. And it's a recognizable actor other than I guess, do the fucking

the waddle, the shit waddle. Honestly, I mean, dude, I'm not a hard man to please. That guy waddling out of the toilet to hit the valve is one of the funniest things I've seen in months. If that was all he did, I'd be like, dude,

Remember fucking toilet guy? Excellent part of hard rate. He could be the guy in, what he called? Batman Begins who keeps reminding you that the thing, oh my God, if that train hits Dwayne Tower, it's going to get really bad. By the way, if that train hits Wade Tower, it's going to be really bad. The most useless guy to ever work at a water station is that guy in Batman Begins. I wrote myself a placard, so I don't have to do it anymore.

Here you go. Here you go. Actually, the funny thing is with Toilet Guy here, Hank, I think if this movie, again, we're to lean more into disaster movie tropes, he would be the dude who's working on the dam and then it's like mother and the fucking water comes

through the office and kills him. He would have his spectacular death that way. No, but he's like some weird sadists that nobody knows about until he gets activated. Yeah, I don't want to see Hank's basement. There is that line of like, well, you haven't seen Hank go hunting. Yeah, dude, what fucking

most dangerous game is old Hank? We go hunting teenage girl. on the weekend. He's just one the best shots out there. He always asks him what their sign is first. Love's wearing a black bag over his head, you know? Last time he tried to get in with him. He played some Sebadoe

while they were running around. Thought to be part of the gang there. So Slater wakes up in the, he gets knocked out by a mini driver, he wakes up, and the movie wakes up in the jail. And, you know, this is when, you know, he meets Randy Quaid, and Randy Quaid's like, ah, smart, kid you didn't let them get the money

because if you got the money they'd kill you you know what I mean we're kind of doing that thing like where is the money? Yeah it's kind of an interesting thing that I know that I was like oh interesting because again it's fucking Randy Quaid sure I haven't seen him with a ton of stuff not lately well especially

but I mean well that's on account of the Hollywood Starwax there's nothing about him I think anyone would be eager to hire him if it wasn't for the conspiracy there are some dashboard cam videos with him with him that are pretty compelling. Yeah, if you want to talk recent

performances. There's a sex tape. He's got a sex tape. I was I hope so. No, he does. Wait, what? You're talking about actual dashboard champion? No, like the fucking, the phone. Yes. Oh, he's doing. Like the Robert Dobby. They all do it.

He does the phone. Yeah, he does the phone thing. He talks into there about like Trump and stuff and it's a whole medicine thing, but apparently he's also fucking. Oh, yeah. No, him and his wife have a sex tape. Oh, wow. just two disgusting weirdos. What's the running time on this?

Not as long as you would have liked. Do you think you do you think. Uncle Eddie's fuck vacation. Is that what it's called? Randy Knights. I mean, I think. You're calling it Randy Knights.

You're fucking like three or four times editing you better than the best. Editing together like the best clips. Oh, sure. Yeah. Well, you get your wife and then your wife's sister. I mean,

is that right? He seems like the type. That's all I'll say. Condom was full. oh god he's pumping the condiment of the sewer no you just use it until it fills up you know you know that's true you gotta save money oh that yeah

well you're not getting your big Hollywood jobs anymore you gotta be fucking yelling into your cell phone in your car in the Starbucks parking yet Hugh Grant can walk all over this great nation Starwackers aren't after him but so this is what Randy Quaid is like all right well we're gonna go get the money

and make sure and like it's kind of interesting because I remember this movie is ready to be being crooked but I always thought he was in on it with Morgan Freeman I'm like oh he doesn't know that he's like twisting it around

it's a fascinating turn that the screenplay takes where it's two groups of equally crooked people that have nothing to do with each other that want this money and it makes total sense you got three million to five million

well you know today's standards 5.5 million of course you're killing each other of course the police are going to try to get it for themselves and of course he'll do you know, Morgan Freeman would do anything as well. I would do anything as well.

We should go into Rob. Would you get into Rob? Who's going to get a cowboy hat? This got to be the one of us with the smallest head. Because let me tell you, a fat guy with a huge head wearing a cowboy head. That's Alex Jones cosplay. Well, I got to hide this hair. It's too identifiable.

Eric, don't try to give me into one of your suicide by cop schemes. I'm not trying to do this. Absolutely not. No. No, I said. The exact opposite. of a get rich quick skew. But we are, you know, we are a couple

smart guys here, you know? It's gotten us this far. I'm sure. And I think we can figure something out. We got to, I don't know, we got to find out maybe a major weather event. I guess that is the best time, right? And we can use some of this Patreon money to get like blueprints of bank vaults.

Oh, yes. You just got to grab it. Just got to grab it. Catchable, we'll start the robbers tier. No paper trail, though. And of course, we're going to edit this out of this podcast. Sure. And just because you don't want to, you know, you don't want, like, evidence like, oh, I've beenmoed you for blueprints. Sure.

You got to do it under the table. There's a little cash on. Well, first we got to figure out how to use the dark web. I feel like that's kind of play a role. And, of course, we've been training in guns for the past seven or eighth months. People don't know that. Thank God we're cutting that part out. Yeah.

What were the gun cada classes I've been teaching you in our backyard? Yeah, there's some ex-Massad guys who have really been giving us some pointers. There's a, there's a great line. when they're like, you know, what were you doing? They're asking Christmas later, like, what he was doing? And what were you doing out there? And he goes, I was looking for a place to hide and fucking rapy McSheriff's assistant goes, from what? Swamp thing?

Yeah, nice, rap. Kind of great. This, I mean, honestly, you want to take this to the next level, bring Swamp thing into this. Oh, yeah. This is a good, if you want to introduce Swamp Thing into the universe, this is a, about where you would do it. And he also wants the money. Like he's just another entity that wants this $3 billion. Dude, it would be awesome if he's like, uh, I think I'm going to take it from here, Sheriff Randy Quaid. And then like he punches a tree through Randy Quaid's chest or something.

Maybe he just thinks at the end when he gets the money because he's obviously getting the money. He thought it was just leaves. Oh yeah. Help his green friends. I need to save my bog. I need this money for my bog. I was going to hire I was going to hire mini driver to restore the the stained glass windows in my bog. I like this idea.

I like it a lot. Secret Swamp Thing movie, not against it. She's going to work on the portrait of my father, Swamp Dad. Do you think Swamp Thing would get along with Shrek? That's a great question. Probably not. Oh, he's killing his ass. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think Swamp Thing would kill Shrek.

Really? I just don't think Swamp Thing is a big fan of farting. You know what I mean? Like just I'm gonna because he is fart. I think he's like stolen valor, dude. He likes the natural gases of like the earth, not an ogre. I mean, that's that they're different. Well, because he's like, you know, he's like, look, I'm fucking swamp thing, man. And if you read them Allen Moore's stories, you can pick fruit off my body and eat it. You get fucking trippy and horny and whatnot. You're

just a fucking ogre that eats his own shit in a mud swimming pool. We are not the same, Shrek. That's true. I am Swamp Thing and you are disgusting. I romance ladies. You understand that? I'm not talking to a fucking donkey. I had Heather Locklear. Shrek, do you understand me?

We got to do that, what do you call it that Swamp Thing movie? With Craven did it. Yeah. Yes, definitely. O.G. I think Heather Locklear is in Part two. Which is a Cohen join, I think. Larry?

I think it's a lyric. Not brothers. No, no, no, no. well i'm glad we got to the bottom of that one my one question the swamp thing all right let's move along they leave they leave christian slater alone

but um wayne the rapy sheriff locks him and he could be land and because like what's just such shitty right like it's just like he's in a uniform of the armored car guys yeah let's just put him in a jail cell and lock it man whatever happened to the wholesome chair with a handcuff

that's you know what you're right you're absolutely right about that I mean the fucking town is flooding they don't know how long they're going to be out well also I mean in this case Wayne is stroking himself as he usually is sure he's like he's a security guard I'm a cop yeah

he isn't up to my standards it's a thin line right don't worry Wayne you're both assholes yes when he shoots some innocent person he probably probably's going to jail. I am not. Look, Randy Quaid, this guy's going to come in here and tell us what to do.

He doesn't even have qualified immunity, okay? Randy and Wayne go off to get to find the money and they put the third guy with mini driver to drive her, quote unquote, out of town. And I don't know where that is. The mini driver driver. And she's like, but I got to have to got to have to have. to got to have to get the stained glass windows

fixed still and I'm like what the most bizarre motivation for any character I've ever seen it's really really something and and again the rain is it's over like whatever it's going to happen it's going to happen but I need her to be like

I have poured my entire graduate degree into these fucking windows right that is why I'm willing to stay here and drown for these windows for these windows that nobody cares like who the mayor doesn't care the fucking pastors

getting out of town on a boat like what are you doing fuck it the pastor of the duns are like that's a bad idea sweetheart aren't they the ones supposed to go down with the ship no you're thinking of boatcasters well what was it

that's what happened with Noah's Ark no I think that the floods just kind of like dispersed and then it was just like a hotel that he ran after that for a number of years wasn't that the sequel of this Some guys got all the luck. I'm trying to. Noah, too.

Noah's Hotel? What are you talking about? Is that a Doors record? I hope not. I've certainly hoping to make a fucking doors reference. No. When the flood, you know, disperses.

Disperses. Uh-huh. Was the boat destroyed? I don't know. Watch what I'm saying. He could open up an inn or maybe it's an animal hospital. It's like the USS Intrepid, you know? He just had to take a tour.

It turned it into a museum. Actually, yeah, it's fucking sitting somewhere in the mountains of Tennessee. right now. Here's where their ant-eater's shit. Here's where the zebra's shit. Noah. I need you to build an ark and save two of every animal and then the waters recede. You've got a nice little retirement plan. It's a, you know, it's not bad. It's pretty good. Noah. Look, it's a boat that could fit two of

every animal, man. That is some real estate. And the elk's pissed over there. I think the pigs eat somewhere. The first tourist trap. Noah. Oh, God, it's great. Do we have a t-shirts? No, no, we don't, but we could take your t-shirt from you and sell it back to you. But all the piss and shit, you might just have to torch it.

That's actually true. We're never getting the smell out. Nobody's going to stay here. Then you build a fake art to be like, pass it off is the real arc. And that's the one you're selling, you know, little visits to. There is that place. Yeah. You have two of every animal for breakfast in the morning.

Two sausage links. two bacon slices two squares of Canadian bacon two chickens two alligators and a yeah a hippo's head

if you will two mosquitoes you got mosquitoes on the menu I'll have the Noah's lark sir you disgust me that's V

whatever man so like they they're all going away mini driver basically kills the good sheriff who's got a crush on he's got big ears

And he's like, I just take care about you so much, Karen, I want to make sure you're safe. And she's like, well, take eat shit. And like, he's not even, he's not, he's not the creepy guy who winds up brave. No, no. But she like, leave, simply, she's like, go swim somewhere. It's like, I don't know, dude, you just sit to death. You knock, king somebody out of a boat in this flood is a death sentence. I'm sorry, Phil.

I have to save the windows. I have to save them. But I said I'd help you. So she goes back to the fucking thing To pump more water or whatever Which is her just looking at these things Yeah I mean Because I think when she gets back there

At this scene she's like oh I'm fucked Like I think she sees like it's way worse Than her little you know gas powered At this point The the flood is coming And this is when Hank goes sheriff A lot of water's coming your way Yes yep because this is around the toilet part

Yes yeah and then like All this water comes and this is when Christian Slater is going to drown in this fucking jail. So this is a good sequence. Yeah, there's like there's keys on a desk and we're doing a bunch of stuff with it. This is a, this is a good sequence because he tries to get the, uh, he floats the desk over by roping his like belt into the drawer. It's what's kind of cool is like he needs it to get worse before he can try to save himself because like he's trying to get his like utility belt. He's not Batman is whatever.

I think it is still. Yeah. all right, you know, and he's trying to, yeah, get it in the drawer or whatever. Or I think he's trying to hit the keys at first. And then, like, the desk just starts floating. And I was like, this is kind of cool, man. I like this. Well, I can float it over.

Yeah. And then, you know, the keys turn out to be for a car. Good guy. A Ford car. Maybe I'll drive my way out of this cell. You know, the funny thing is, though, Chris. Who the hell am I talking to? Why am I talking?

Why am I talking? That's the last word. I think, yeah, but there's no other way to tell the audience that those are car keys and not jail cell keys. Sure. So it's the one instance where the product placed. I'm all for back in the day when it was creative,

it was a little more subtle. We're going to talk about World War Z later this year. Oh, yeah. Sweet baby Jesus, you haven't seen product placement like that. But Chris, this finding the Ford keys is like, oh, fuck, now I'm really ruined. even if it wasn't raining I couldn't drive

this piece of shit this thing isn't going to start God damn it wish I wish I found keys to a Mitsubishi or something fix off and repair daily yeah no thanks

I'm a Dodge man maybe one of these cops got a Honda so he's getting drowned and then mini driver's like oh no I forgot that hot guy there so she comes back and say he's doing like

been through a flashlight flashlight flashlight flashlight or flashlight I think he's breathing through a flashlight wishing it was a flashlight. Got it. That's right. But don't think they were invented yet. No. Unfortunately. Someone had

yet to stick their penis inside a flashlight and go, wait a second. Oh man. No, do both. Like, just one more deposit. Oh, shit. That could be a great Kama heist. Yeah, there you go. The town is flooding and we got to get this guy's semen.

What is it? I think we've actually done this. We literally, we literally had a whole bit about Kamaist. I think like two years ago. Ultraviolet episode, I think. There's nothing wrong with world building upon the bricks we once laid. Yeah, for sure. It's true.

We could revisit places. It's not come. He's not. All right. Go back to the water. You get Dennis Hayesberg for the sequel. I know. How does she know the exact part of the roof to fucking pull off? She's just, you know.

It's a really. She got blueprints because the fucking weather event, just to be safe, blueprints of every building. she also has a superpower to tell you where like where all the screws are like she's just immediate it's like there we go the amount of play this swiss army knife gets is really something they should just i don't know sure a shout of her working on the stained glass wheel yeah she's like using it to like chip away some dirt or something that's on there so i mean those things those are those screw jobs they're gonna hang them somehow yeah you probably screw them in

they're probably screwed in or maybe welded in what Sting glass window to put it up. Yeah. Nah, you're probably hanging that shit. Elmers. Wire. Elmers. Oh, yeah, those little like sticky tabs you just put up now.

You know. Comband strips. Yeah, hanging these stained glass windows with command strips. Maybe at Mike Lendell's church. Did he start a church now? Oh, he should call it as seen on TV. The church of Pella. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Pillow Church, dude. that's maybe something I don't know but so like he she saves him and this is when Kenny comes after them right

like it's like oh man here comes this big the Kenny showdown but like they're they're afraid of this transformer that's about to explode Vivian get out of the way everyone's about to get

fucking electrician I'm stuck in the water I'm wearing a suicide vest it's for political reasons it is actually very hard to walk through this Vivian, they shouldn't have voted Sheriff Randy Quaid out of office. Now they'll pay with my fucking robot suicide fest on.

But it's a power transformus, which for listeners abroad or wherever, it's like a bottle, like a big electrical box. A cylinder. Do they have electricity in England? I'll make sure they're getting this right. I do believe so. It's not all by candlelight. Really?

All live in hobbit holes. Are you sure? Last I checked. It's not Jack the Ripper time still. Speaking of a gas. It was cold. Oh, like that Batman Gotham by Gaslight. Yeah, man.

What do you say about Hobbit holes? Oh, I was like, you know, perusing YouTube there the other day. Yeah, you were. On my TV. And, you know, it was like those suggested viewings in one line. And we listened to a lot of like lo-fi, you know, beat stations and stuff that just air. There was one that was like, oh, listen to this for like five minutes and you'll fall asleep. and I was like, all right, let's see if it makes me a little sleep.

Hypnosis. Yeah, right? So I turned it on and, I mean, just in case any of that hasn't. Oh, no. But in case someone has not like made the connection here if you're new to the show, I was high out of my mind. Sure. And so the graphic that they had on screen was just a couple of Hobbit hole houses.

And they made them like kind of animated a little as if like, you know, Bilbo was in there like doing something. Shadows. And I was just like, man, I'd love to live. a hobbit hole in. Look at that fucking cool house. I think it would be pretty awesome. You're mowing the lawn. You got to mow the roof. See, I make, I make fun of the British because I want to be one of them. That's for sure. Yeah. Um, but so they're like, he

in one, he's fighting Kenny at first, Kisholster Slater is he does a dalcim tiger uppercut in the water. Yes. Yes. It's pretty cool. I'm sorry. A Sagat tiger. Sagat. Yes. Apologies. He, I think he does like a, I'm just going to jump up from the ground here and see what I can punch. Because it is like a, it's almost like an Aquaman move honestly like coming out of the water, not too shabby. And he knocks Kenny down and him

and a mini driver get inside of a window and like they realize that they don't want Kenny to die which couldn't be me. Yeah. This is the movie trying to tell you. He killed your uncle. He's trying to tell you how good of a guy Tom is. Like he's a real hero. It is fucking hilarious though because when the two

of them climb out of the water, they're on like some sort of ladder. or something. And it's kind of, it's a really bad Christian citizen delivery where he just goes, oh no, it's metal. And I was like, well, no, shit, what the fuck do you think you've been climbing on? So that is what Kenny. I thought this was wood. That is what Kenny is on when they have shimmied over to this like window ceiling. Come on, you're going to get electrocuted.

And like, you're kind of fit. Like, there's no room on this window. No. This guy's not going. It's an invitation really. Like, oh, no. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Just grab my. grab my hand. Well, you've got to stick your arm out first. Yeah, no, grab it. It's going to be a shame when you die. It's going to be social shame. Oh, no, he didn't make it. He's on fire. I love the fact that that guy lights up. He lights up, but it's fucked up that he lives long enough for Morgan Freeman to pull him out the water and, you know, him to do that, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Uncle Jimmy. I hope I did goodbye. Yeah. And then like Morgan Freeman, it's a, I've never seen. and I think only someone with the dulcet tones of Morgan Freeman's voice could talk someone down from being scared to die because he's just like, you're going to be all right.

The pain's going to subside soon. And he's like, oh, you're totally right, Uncle Jimmy. The pain is not bad, right? You are so... It's all right. I can stop pretending I gave a shit about this guy. You want his eyeballs to burst, kind of. Oh, I do want his eyeballs to burst.

Full evil death. Andrew, the old explosion. What I wouldn't give. for him to chuck this piece of meat into the fuck. Because the whole thing is that he can't. He can't let it go. Yeah. He has to, like, it's a fucking point of drama

and later in the thing, he's like, we gotta dump the body finally to get this thing working. It is a really funny, like, oh, we got too much weight of the boat and then like you see Morgan Freeman look down and it's like, oh, I know what I have to do. My boy, Kenny. Oh, God. Well,

okay, finally, you are just part of the flood now. Goodbye. So after that insanity with Jimmy get electrocuted, the two of them, Tom and what the hell's her name in this movie, Karen? Yeah. They get in this. It's kind of a cool scene where it's like, how in a movie like this do we develop like any kind of semi-believable downtime? Yeah.

And I thought this was kind of neat. They just get in a floating car and they have some time to kind of talk. This is what she says, my favorite thing. She's like, yeah, my uncle did me a favor and got me this job. This is the scene where we've finally realized or are told that Uncle and Nephew. And he's like, and she's like, nice favor. It's the worst of her lines. There's another weird Christian Slater line right here because we learned that before he got this gig from Uncle Ed Asner, he was a dude who made a living selling construction equipment.

But he goes, but after a while, that didn't really feel right anymore. Yeah. was like, were you crooked? Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Did you take some illegal bid from the Japanese? I didn't quite nail it at the office. They all thought I had a screw loom. You know, when you're working for construction, you can't shoot anybody.

And Uncle Charlie, he just wanted to shoot somebody, really. Yeah, I'm selling a bulldozer, but I really wanted to sell someone a bulldozer while I'm packing heat, man. It doesn't make it. it's a weird line so they wind up at betty white's house oh sure let's break in here and hide out speaking of sawd dude she's got these fucking bear traps on the floor jesus christ which you dayus exx bear track thanks someone needs to put their foot in that thing yep maybe it's oh shit olivia i just fucking cut my whole foot off absolutely and as long as that did not prevent the hilarious death that he gets at the end of the movie yes yes stick dan florex's leg

in that bear trap. Oh, my fucking like, Elliot, still cool out. Cool out. I mean. Just because I'm in pain doesn't mean you have to get all while. As much as I like the electrocution, I think Kenny should step in the bear trap. Yeah, see, that would be nice too. Because he saw him kill a nice old man.

What if he steps in the bear trap and then somehow also got electrocuted on top? I love that. They're made out of metal, dude. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, you're right. falls out the window on to power lines. He dies six times before he Morgan Freeman finds it. And this is like you know, Betty White. This is the beginning

of her like old lady cute phase. I mean, she's always old old lady, but you know what I mean? But she's like, she for a while and she gave it up. Yes. But she had that like, I'm kind of like, I'll sit the rapin granny. But she's like, she kind of is. It's like the badass old lady because it's this. And then the very next year of my math is right is Lake Placettica.

She's doing the same fucking thing. Where she's like, Surly and say a nasty word. Yeah, like, oh, she said shit. One of the Golden Girls said shit. I'm like, hey, man, do you ever fucking see B. Arthur not on that television show? Isn't Goodwill hunting right around now? And they just have let mini driver be mini

driver in that, right? Yeah, they sure do. That's nice. That's real nice. Because it's a port city with the greater empire. Oh, of course. Yeah. I mean, but to Eric's point. Is she the titular Miss misery in Goodwinning? I think she might be great song

but to Eric's point though like I think again just let the poor woman act save it with a line of like

I'm in from Oxford studying these priceless which priceless stained glass windows is fine solution and would help

we'll go a long ways do your real voice yeah so like Betty White's like oh blah blah blah you know they can't stay here

and this guy is like well why don't there's like, yeah, the National Guard's going to be here. So can I use your boat? And they're like, sure. And he gets to the thing. And then like immediately, Betty White, this old guy have been kidnapped by Morgan Freeman question.

This is a weird thing. So they leave in Doc Copper's boat. Yeah. Which Christian Slater makes a similar joke to one that Randy Quaid makes at the beginning of the movie. Both of them are basically like, hey, Doc Copper, don't you want to kill? kill your annoying wife. Because Randy Quaid's like, you sure you don't want to leave her to drown.

Like that's him. And then Christian's like, because she's fucking just bitching at Doc Copper. Close the window. The water's getting in. You're not giving our boat like this whole thing. I mean, I do agree that that boat is the only way that would survive. Like you can't give that shit away in a fucking flood like this.

But I thought we weren't leaving the house. One of the other, Betty White. One of the other. You're fucking going to die there or you're going to go out in your rowboat. But then Kristen Slater's like, Like, she's yelling and Doc Copper's like, here's my boat. Go save the money.

It's also weird to set traps in your own house while you're still living there and you got the guns anyway. Yes, because they're like hiding in the attic. Whatever. I don't know. But he says to him like, sure you don't want to come with me. Don't you hate your fucking wife, man? But by the time he gets there, Morgan Freeman has kidnapped them. And that's what, yeah, the weird thing here because like they go by in the rowboat and Morgan Freeman and the remaining.

gang are hiding like behind a bush in their boat and Morgan Freeman's like well we know where he's going I want to find out where he came from and then the next time you see Morgan Freeman he has kidnapped them Betty White dot copper

but what did he fucking follow the boat wake back to the house no way he figures out where they were it's a continuity air it would be a great moment also to reapprise the bear trap yeah oh that's where Dan Florex steps in it you're totally right

and you know right here it's like a standoff it's like all right we're going to kill these old people unless you show us finally where no no no I want to know where he came from where were you born Christian Stader tell me what

what was your mother like you're just trying to make you're trying to find out if this accent is fake right yeah you're just trying to do a Jack Nicholson I'm just trying to figure out where the hell you got that way of talking Karen will ask you next we've all seen Connell knowledge

you little brat. Does Morgan Freeman know that Tom and Uncle Charlie are related or not? I think he does at some point. I mean, there's a reveal of it I think a little later in the film. When he tells him. I don't know if it's spelled out or not.

Right, but like so, but like the movie doesn't start like Morgan Freeman doesn't start his heist with that knowledge. Again, Ed Asner, look, all right, I'm going to help you out with your heist or whatnot, but just remembers with your guns and everything. My little nephew's going to be in a car. I don't want no trouble. So could you please kill him? I mean, honestly, he's driving me up the fucking wall. This kid thinks he's too good for my life. I'm fucking driving around with five easy pieces all day long. He's tough. He does the

chicken salad set. He does the thing with me. He does the chicken thing with me. The only thing he doesn't do is fucking get out of the diner and fucking leave forever. Wish he'd leave me in a fucking truck stop. Go on a fucking logging truck kid. I'm not even kidding you, Morgan Freeman. Last week, we were stuck in traffic behind a moving truck with a flat bed that had a piano on it. And this asshole

got out and jumped on back and started playing the piano. If anyone hasn't seen 5 EVZ pieces, check it out. Oh, excellent. Bob Rayfelson, actually Bob Rayfelson not farined at the Academy Awards. He made the real. I couldn't believe because Jack would have come for them. I think after that, Jack would be the final

thing. He would have made it as his last like, it's like, Mr. Nicholson, if you leave the house right now, you, you could perish. It's what I have to do. I have to do a Michael Myers on the Academy. That's right. You're fucking ignoring Bob Rappleson. Beat them to death with a golf club. I'll tell you this.

Like after this year with the surprise, you know, Chris pointed out on on screen live, like his list of like, well, of course, they'll be farinaed and holy fuck, how did they farina them? And Chris, you were saying the holy fuck, how do they miss these guys was a big list this year. If we get so bad to the point where, Jesus. When Nicholson shuffles off, if he gets fucking free-ed, I say the Academy Awards are canceled forever. They can't, though. I would go with that because it's never going to happen.

Both are neither going to never. No, I know it's a, well, I know it's such a bold statement. So let's bring it into, you know. Jack Nicholson will never die. He won't. At least not my heart. At least not my heart. Yeah.

I put my, I put my entire brain and all my memories inside this AI machine. It's called Ultron. Okay. Please don't use it. just for me to say poopies. Who went to poopies on the strip. I love it. I wish poopies was still around, dude. We would go there when we're in L.A. this May.

Oh, I would love to go to poopies on the strip. Anyway. So they go to the graveyard. Basically Christian Slater finds out from Doc Copper that, you know, a millionaire driver escaped. They didn't even know she was there. And this is when copperizes Big Mom was like, do you want us to get the hell out of this situation, Marley? or whatever her name is.

It's like, well, yes, I do. Shut the fuck up then. Then shut the fuck up. Oh, man. It's a great fuck. Oh, dude. Nice little pop on that. Dot copper nailed that line, man.

Richard. What is this guy? I can find that out. Or no, well, now I'm thinking Richard Mazer, who's also the thing, but that's not dot comers name. Now back home to die of pneumonia. Exactly. In the graveyard is kind of when things really start going tits up here.

There's a creepy effect. here. Richard Dysart, by the way. Richard Dysart. Yeah, okay. He was a Richard. All right. Um, there's a really, Dick Dysart, dude. Dick Dyser. How are you doing? Uh, there's a great thing here where, um, all these, uh, uh, coffins start floating up. Yeah. And you're like, wow, that's fucked up. And then you get this hilarious Dan

Floric science teacher explanation. He's like, yeah, a lot of times I tell my students about this, you know, when the water gets so bad like this. If they haven't been down there that long, they just kind of pop up. And Ray is just like, I understand now why you were fired from that teaching job. Yeah, I tried to tell Lisa when I took her out for Chinese food, but you know, you can't talk to 15-year-olds like that. They get so, they just, they shut down. Before the egg rolls even came, she shut me down. You know, you really shouldn't send a girl who works at Burger King, who's 14, a big bouquet of flowers with your name on it, with your teacher name, Mr. Marlowe.

That's how I met Olivia. But this is when, like, Randy, Randy Quaid shows up and it's like, oh, the day is saved. Uh-uh, because Randy Quaid wants the money. Oh, yeah. We just got a big old fucking shootout in the cemetery. Cool action scene. Ray bites it first. I think Ray just gets, like, fucking annihilated in the back.

I think because I think that's how Randy Quaid makes his presence. Because I think he's about, Ray is about to shoot Christian Slater. And then you just hear a bunch of gunfire go off and Ray's just getting torn up, dude. No more Bible verses. I mean, thank Jesus for that. Now he's in it, dude. Now he's part of the book.

Right? Like after you die. And then Ray showed up. When you meet, when you die, you meet all the Bible characters, Chris. What was the, if you believe enough?

You meet all of Noah's, Zeeros and the anteaters and everything. All available in the kingdom of heaven. For food or just riding them for fun. That's Noah's Gila. there is some ray line because what's the deal here he said he's like oh he says some quotes and they're like oh is that the bible no bruce springsteen i'm all out of bible quote that all that's because it's he quotes the river and that's what it is i'm all out of bible quotes so yep a bruce

springsteen reference okay so i'm going down down down that would be that would be better dude And now this is fucking Florek firing at Randy Quaid wildly and he gets shot in the eye like Mo Green and the Godfather. Dude, yeah, I thought exactly the same thing. You got Mo Green. It's great. It's awesome. Through the glasses, the blood splatters out. You see the glasses at one point like falling away and it's just the bullet hole precisely through one lens.

Fuck, that's cool. And now like both of Randy Quaid's guys like Wayne is in on it immediately is that we're, we're, taking the money and then Phil is like, but we can't. It's not right. But what about the town? Think about all those, the banks. Don't we have to protect them? Oh, my God. Won't someone think of the FDIC? There's a sears in town that could use some help. People aren't buying couches like they used to. Oh, man, if only we had couch money. That's why we have to do this heist. That's true. I'll hope for the next big weather event. So basically what happens here,

it's kind of like the enemy of my enemy is my temporary partner. And Morgan Freeman sort of teams up with Christian Slater at this point to fight Randy Quaid and the rest of these fucking cops. Yes. They're two left, I think. And they wind up holding up.

There's like a shootout. This is when there's like a, they, what do you call it there? They throw the dead body, Kenny's dead body in the water. They wind up kind of holding up in the church. this is when we find out that Charlie was in on it

and this is when also Randy Quaid in lists Hank from the dam he's like why are we cutting him in he's like you never went hunting

with Hank yeah he's going to be here in exactly five minutes I don't know how he's time traveling from a different dimension and then he's just

he can figure it out to collapse time to gear because I think someone's like one of them is like but what about the town the dam he's like fuck that screw the town

I'm Randy Quaid and I'm like Like, yeah, but we're in the town. We need that. Why don't we keep the damn guy up on the dam? Yep. And I know one we're going to be helpful, but like, that's fair. Like, yeah, look, keep damn guy up there to make sure we don't actually drown in this fucking town.

But I, isn't this town just done? I mean, it's just Betty White and the dock. Yes. They're the only, I mean, we've given up. As far as we know, the rest of the town is. Who's coming back to this? Like, you know, for one, the McDonald's corporation is going to get in there and they're going to save whatever is only

kind of water damage. All those dead cows we see later, they're putting them in burgers. There's your fucking big max next week. I guess the Sears Corporation is probably going to come in to do a little check too. Oh yeah, you're going to take a peek. Oh, these beautiful stained glass windows. Wow. They were saved. But yeah, it's just going to be this

fucking banshees of Inesirin marriage playing out by themselves for a fucking year. Where is it in the movie that Christmas later gets spooked by that fucking cow course? I think about it earlier. I forget. It's a jump scare. Yeah, it is a jump scare.

I was thinking what it's when they get when Morgan, it's right before Morgan Freeman gets him. Like when he's going back to the truck. Yeah, yeah. And he's, he sees the dead cow. He's scared. He's turned around. He sees Morgan. Oh, yes. You're right. Yeah. Because he's like, yeah, he's standing back on the, the money truck. One thing, uh, I'm curious about because like in the truck,

Chris Leonard just grabs a shotgun and just starts using it immediately, even though it's been submerged water for like hours. Yeah. I don't think that that works that way. I'm not a gun guy. It sounds like you are. I just take a gun that's been submerged water and then just start using it. Is this a post on the gun internet movie?

I was shocked there wasn't gun stuff on the IMDB. Oh, on the IMDB. Did you go to the gun one? That's a good question. Yeah, that is a good question. I mean, I think it's probably a thing where like maybe some guns, yes, and also lots of other guns know. What are you, what's going to be on the IMDV trivia? Oh, you're going to get some rust there.

like what i mean like yeah i guess some of them could log but like yeah it's a movie like yeah it's my bigger issue with the shotgun is he starts using it you never see him reloaded i don't think maybe no no dude because we we got the fucking infinity ammo code on yeah i mean that's happening i mean like there are parts in the shootout in the uh in the cemetery like it is the rock like for a minute there like the the jolting camera like cutting back and forth to different two two man shootouts. Yeah. I mean, we're about there in the movie anyway, but like a few scenes after where we are now, when he saves mini driver from the handcuffed staircase, he literally

fires a gun underwater. Yes. Yeah. It's so, I don't know. I'm on the, I'm on the database right now. It's just, it's just listing the guns. Oh, okay. I am attempting to Google can a shotgun fire underwater, but I think it might be contacting the authority. I mean, I don't know, man. I fired a gun twice in my life. It did nothing for me either time. I've never been less horny in my life.

I could not tell you. But to Chris's point, it's a fun motion picture, and that's probably why. Your suspicion is valid. From Business Insider. You have a subscription, dude? Trusted source. If you're wondering how it's even possible

to shoot a gun underwater, gunpowder contains oxygen, a key element in the firing process. this gun still goes off exactly as it would on land. This is according to the business insider. Well, they know what's up. What are those nerds know about guns? No, I mean, all those business guys are always blowing their brains out.

Oh, that's true. Yeah, well, yeah, the mass suicide. Hold on a second. Gas operated rifles are most likely to function properly under water. A big note of firing shotguns underwater or with the barrel even partially submerged. So no shotgun. All right. No shotguns highly likely to explode and it's dangerous and destroy the shotgun. this might be just trying to get me to buy another shotgun. Another.

You somebody Sam yourself is the idea? But so like, so it seems like there's no answer. I see both here. Now someone else on saying, yeah, go for it. Don't go on Reddit. Yeah, go for it. I'm sure a lot of folks listening to this are like, those fucking idiots.

The answer is this. Yes, I know. You were all born with guns on your hands. Ooh, I want to see that movie. I forget Johnny Gunhand Oh yeah Mini driver is somewhere And then she gets kidnapped

So Phil or no Wayne Wayne Yeah it's another like We're taking her to the fucking town line Again oh that's right And then it's like all right Get rid of her Wayne

It's like I sure will And this is when Phil kind of knows what's gonna happen He's like no you can't let him You can't let him Yeah That's cool And it's

Well because Randy Quaid Also knows what he's about it Like that's the other thing Right Whatever he says right He's like Oh, yeah. He's going to go rape. Oh, I remember old way that last year's

homecoming game. Well, the thing is, you know, she'll soon be at peace and meeting all kinds of Bible characters. I guess so. Yeah, it's just Bible camp. It's so weird. He takes her back to her house and he locks. Oh, kill her in her house make it look like an accident or something.

Right. Like, oh, make her look like she fell down the stairs or something, yeah, which is, I guess, handcuffing and then violently. But here's the move, Randy Quaid. Don't worry about any of that. take the money when you have it and get the fuck out of town and never be seen again because you're never going to be the sheriff again like no yeah you're already not the sheriff now yeah she's gonna fuck out so like he handcuffs her to the banister and he starts doing this thing's like dear penthouse for him you'll never yeah i never read penthouse for him but

it's not like dear penthouse for him i raped a woman i don't think that that was all ever in no they never published those stories but i fucking guarantee you they got them they got the letter Oh, no, actually, you know what they do? Is they're like, oh, wait, all these are fake? Oh, yeah, all these are fake. We never even take some pictures. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fake. Nobody gets that, yeah.

We don't get anything. The fucking, I mean, the whole thing is terrible, but the real fucking icing, the fucking shit icing on the terrible cake that is this scene is he's like, uh-oh, the lights went out in your house. Hang on a second. And somewhere this dude finds a dry candle,

lights it and puts it down. And he's like, are you in the mood yet? And I'm like, there is no death perfect enough for this character. Smooth operator. Smooth operator. I was kind of hoping for a bigger one from him. He gets kind of stabbed by the tiniest.

It's a tiniest pocket knife in the world. Yeah. He does get it in the neck. Yeah. He's got to write the jugular. But it would be cooler if it's actually a badass moment for her. Because he asks if she's in the mood yet to which she follows up with no and gets him in the jugular. But it would have been cooler if it was that fast stab, like a bunch of them.

Oh, I like that. Oh, yes. Yes, like you're shiving someone in prison. Yeah, totally. Like half his neck's, like his head almost falls off. And then maybe a dead cow reams him in the back. Totally. You never know how that comes.

Yep, exactly. You know. And now, I mean, like 31% of this movie is mini driver trying to get away from this banister. Yep. It's a long time. Yeah, it's a lot. And then she's just like, screw action.

She didn't get screwed. She unscrews a bunch of screws. It's not the kind of screwing action. No, you know, you hope for. Because she's trying, first she's trying to get his keys. She can't do that. And then she's like, well, I guess I'll have to unscrew each rail of this banister step by step.

And I'm like, Jesus Christ, what happened to the gunplay? Walking up the stairs in order to not drown while she's unscrewing screws all the way up. And then the part that stopped. or is the Newell post? I was like, now it's just all wood. Rip it apart. Well, I guess you know, she doesn't have the upper body strength. I guess she never saw Christmas vacation.

Does it? Yeah. But meanwhile, an insane gunfight is going on at the church. This is when I think Randy Quaid and Hank just drive in through, like the, they kind of just jump, do a water jump into the church after a few Molotov cocktails. Yes. We are throwing Molotov cocktails into a church, which is very fun. It's nice. Yeah, I've always wanted to do that.

But the other thing is when they go through, I think this is, to me, the worst part of this movie. One of the boats goes through a stained glass window and you better believe it is a CGI Jesus window. Oh, yes, yes. Flies at the camera. I was like, thanks, but no thanks. Like, this movie is going to be hard rain in 3D. Yeah, what the shit? Is that blasphemy, a Vistage of?

the Lord like that. No, I think it's cool. The Christians are cool. The Pope might come after you for it. I was watching my favorite movie, Hard Ray. The poor of the Jesus been destroyed in the glass. And it's a fake Jesus too.

Send his crazy Paul Bettany fucking assassin asses. He's got those two at the ready. Oh, man. And he's got his exorcist, too. Maybe he sends Russell Crow to this town. Send the Pope's exorcist to get him. There is a part. I mean,

because it's just a lot of gunplay. There is a part when I think Morgan Freeman takes an extension corner around Randy Quaid's neck, which rules. I thought that, because like, I wasn't, I was so into this movie. I wasn't checking the time or nothing. I was like, oh, fuck, so you can't

snuff them out right? You strangle them in this church. Because like, you figure this church has been such a central location for whatever reason in this movie that you would have the finale in it. So I thought the movie was over right here. Well, this church currently has two boats more than it should have in it.

And at least, because Phil gets it in the stomach. That's right. He gets shot in the stomach. Because Hank gets pissed off. Hank shoots him and he just goes worse. Yeah, because he tells him to kill Christian Slater, but he can't and he shoots him in his stomach. Yeah. But that's $750,000, I might kill Christian Slater. Oh, yeah. I just might. I might. This is for taken from Jack. Nicholson, you son of a bitch.

You haven't earned what he's earned. He's in a slump. This is where they start to bargain with Randy Quaid to like, where is she and will give you some of the money or whatever. And Phil dying is like, Borge Street, Blue House. Yeah. That's pretty good. Yeah, I like this.

You know, the interesting thing about Phil eating shit in this movie. good for this movie because I was worried it was going to be the thing where it's like oh well he just kept trying to be nice to care in the whole movie and he didn't want to go along with Randy Quaid's plan when he does the heel turn. They're going to let him

survive. It's like nah, this dude's getting fucking killed just like the rest of him. He's bleeding out the from the shot in the belly like a reservoir dog for the rest of the movie. And it is because so Chris says I got to go save Karen and like Morgan Freeman's like

I only care about the money. money and like if you only care about the money shoot these fucking shoot randy quade in the head and shit fucking hank in the head like whatever whatever man shoot christian slater in the head because the movie take the fucking money that's what i would do instantly let this lady die but that's the thing right is the movie is trying real hard and i mean it it sticks the course the whole time to make him one of those villains where it's like he's not an evil man he just wants that money for whatever there's no women no women or kids or christian Slaters. There is an honor amongst thieves here. You're right. The police department is shown in a way worse light than the thieves. Oh, for sure. The thieves are. Yeah. And so he lets them go. And then like, I think like Hank and what do you call it, the Randy Quaid get away from Morgan Freeman. They shoot him in the stomach or something like that. And they get away briefly. But then like, oh, Hank. Something, something. They crash into something. And then this fucking gas tank. Well, no, no. How does it come loose and starts coming after him?

It's Randy Quaid and Hank at a boat. And it's like, it's kind of the same scene as before. It's like, we're not going fast enough. And Randy Crane's like, you're right. And he throws Hank out. Right. And Hank is like holding on for dear life on a fire escape. And it's just, I don't know, flood damage.

A black cat propaidant tank, by the way. Shoots towards Hank and blows him to high. I'm sorry. Sniffs him out. Yes. And finds him, hunts him down. It's like, heat seeking. Yes.

banks a corner to get him. And there's a dummy that flies in the air and it's fired. Oh, yeah. Just launching this dummy up in the air. We need dummies again. No more CGI. Maybe do that to enhance it or something,

but you need a dummy. You need a dummy. I need some weight. You know what I mean? I like Kristen Slater's boat finally being killed by a statue that probably had to get torn down. Oh yeah, they definitely

because that, dude, this Confederate statue that they have in this movie is like the barometer for how bad the storm is getting. That's a weird, they hit that, like him and Morgan, Christian Slater and Morgan Freeman hit that at one point. And it doesn't actually totally disable the boat, which is weird. They just like, they use it. It's on their way to the church because Morgan Freeman hits his head.

And then when they get to the church, he's like, are you all right? I'll survive. But like, they should have been fucked right there. Oh, for sure. They should have like torn the bottom out the boat. boat and it's like now we have to get another motorboat whatever. And to be fair, a sword

went through the boat. Yeah, a lot of the boat. Might have been a union statute. We don't know for sure. I don't know what the politics of this town is, but that's true. Indiana was sort of, yeah, they were on the side of the union. Lincoln was fucking from Illinois. Yeah, they got to be close.

This is when Christian Seder gets back to, and we're still in Bannister hijinks. I mean, like, she's like, oh, there's a sore in my living room. And I'm like, could we just fucking figure this ballister out already. Dude, this is where you need the backstory of Christian Slater talking about he was on the fucking diving team or something, dude, because like the amount of time this dude spends

holding his breath, like, they're literally on the second floor of her house. And she's like, I've got to soar in my kitchen. And he's like, I'll be right back and swims all the way downstairs to get the saw. This is fucking hilarious, dude. Eric, I thought of you immediately when this happened. He's like, all right, I got the saw. And he goes to fucking do it and it breaks as if that saw was built in Zelda

Breath of the Whale. That's exactly right. Yeah, he used it on the last boss and now it just fucking broke on me and that lionel it broke on me. I'm fighting with nothing but fucking sticks now and they're breaking too. Fucking winged eyeballs. Fucking get the fucking

shit, shit. Now I'm going to die. But so whatever. She's like, oh, get the keys. I mean, this is 20 minutes of this motion picture. We don't have the saw breaks. And then she's like, oh, wait, I got it. Hank's gun. Oh, right.

Or whatever the fuck. Wayne's gun. So he like swims away again downstairs and comes back with the gun. Looking for something on the porch that's well underwater. Yeah. You know, so he shoots the handcuffs underwater. They break. And then this was actually kind of great.

And this is, this is like Primo disaster movie scenario. right here her house breaks off the foundation and starts floating away and they're like on the roof and everything it's pretty cool it doesn't remember me kind of the last act of speed where it's the two of them and like she's yeah she's like oh my god I'm gonna die and he's like no

you're not gonna die kind of a thing like you know that very similar but yes their boats floating away here comes Randy Quaid one more time this is so awesome this is so goddamn awesome this is when the boat clips them right well this is like they look like

you know the jig is up they're totally fucked and it's like not just yet motherfuckers because christian slater christian slater has said they've had a you know he's like all right then just fucking go man right and he because like someone's coming and freeman gets the hell out of there but then it's like you came back for us because here comes morgan freeman hits the roof of her house yes goes over it and again how a character is not dead by this insane thing that happens of them. The fucking engine of this motorboat hits Randy

Quaid in the face. So good. I would like to watch it just fucking make him into chum. Totally. Like he's fucking Jason Vorre. Yeah, Starwackers, when you find him, please release a videotape, a dash cam. I see his meat. I want to see him all torn. Because like when you see him go in, it looks like he's

just hugging the thing. Ouch. I don't, I mean, the other thing is, what does Randy Quaid even doing with them? He's got the money. You're in a boat. Just leave. the town. He was talking about witnesses before. Like, what are you? You're not going to just move to like, you know, Indianapolis and start again with $3 million of fucking hot money.

It's a big plan. Yeah. I'll just go to the big city and get Pacers season tickets. I'll never find me in the giant city that is Indianapolis. But then it's like, oh, it all appears to be fine. But then like Randy Quaid just fucking comes up. much like Jason Boyce from the fucking water.

He kind of works as a Jason Ford. He's a big hulking figure. Yeah, a big tall creep. Insane. Yeah, that all works. And he's got a gun on Mini Driver. Mini Driver tries to shoot him. She doesn't have any bullets.

And this is when, speaking of the Godfather, Randy Quaid gets Sunny Corleone by it right here. It's like 60 bullets. I need a wide shot for this. I need to see all the damage being down. They do it too close. It's right up there. I just,

I need to see him exploding the way he is. Oh, God. Because it is beautiful. It is beautiful. It's kind of a great, Christian Slater and Morgan Freeman like turned to each other. And like, they each other the look of like,

fuck this guy, right? Yeah, fuck this guy. It's kind of like when Travolta and, Sam Jackson like turn and fire. It's kind of the same like, yeah, we're going to kill this guy. Yeah, okay. Yes.

Oh, God. They annihilated. Oh. Oh. the violence. It's so good. And apparently, if you listen to Morgan Freeman, his character was supposed to die and his character did die in the original cut.

Oh. And it's a great quote from Morgan Freeman. He was like, then they did this audience test screening. Apparently we'll listen to the audiences now. And they're like, you've got to live. I love how salty is about listening notes from the fucking crowd. Yeah, he's just like, now probably will listen to the audience is. Those fucking hogs.

I love that, yes, Morgan Freeman is learning in 1998 about test screenings. And that he's likeable. Yeah, totally. And so they don't want him to die. But so he was pissed off about it? Oh, yeah, he's furious. He wanted to die because he was the bad guy or whatever. But I mean, all the twists and turns in this movie, it's like really

was he. So the audience thought like this ending would have been preferable where he gets to live and he gets a little money. Gets a little money. He goes down to San Montenegro. One bag. It meets Tim Robbins. So let me understand this correctly. Some asshole from Memphis thinks that my character has to live and now

my character has to live. Now I have to go back to work and reshoot the ending of my movie. Now I'm on the hook for Hard Rain 2. Who's this asshole's name? Who wrote that comment? I'm going to kill him. I mean, he's

not wrong. Make the movie that's, you know, where it goes from art to business real fast, man. We're listening to Richard now. Richard is the man who's making this picture. Richard from Nebraska. I guess he's smart enough to run a whole movie studio. Isn't the director

of this movie called McHale? Oh, okay. No, no, no. Let's just look at cards from the Shawshank Redemption. Oh, somebody wants me to fly like a fucking bird at the end of the movie. I guess we've got to reshoot that one, too. Paramount Pictures. I thought this would be put

out by Richard Pictures. Look at this one here now. It says that I'm supposed to be the granddaughter of Palpatine in this studio. Well, let's listening to the audience now. Somehow he survived. What's a Reddit? But I don't like it.

I don't like whoever that guy is. Some type of Sith technology I'm supposed to know about it. Boy, that Reddit sounds like a real lonely boy. That's why I played in Shawshack Redemption. Reddit, right? Reddit. Who? What's that?

J.J. Abrams. Yeah, I love those Star Wars characters. Sith Wayfinder to find the other Sith artifacts, it seems lazy. I'll tell you another thing about audience test screenings. I was supposed to do the voice of Babu Frick. and then after a test screening they just made it a bunch of garbled nonsense

kind of fucked up I hired a British woman to do a bunch of fucked up nonsense voices with Babu Frick when you had Mr. Morgan Freeman originally playing Babu Frick Now why would you hire

Carrie Russell and then not show her face it's Carrie Russell She's fantastic That son of a bitch Richards at it again that guy's fucking up all my movies Richards ruining the movies

I do like I guess Richard's working for Disney now I think this is what Quentin Ter and Tina's the film critic is the movie critic Carrie Russell's a good helmet in that movie. It's a solid helmet work actually. But I mean

like, yeah, yeah, I see the point. You're not let me look at Carrie Russell. I mean, fuck you. I mean, fuck you for that whole movie, but you know. Or get Matthew Reese in there, have him have the same helmet there. Oh, yes. Get them to package deal. That's what I want from

yeah. Totally. You fucking, you know, put on any track from Tusk, let them go off, you know, it'd be great. But yeah, I just filmed that thriller with Jack Nicholson where we're just going around assassinate, wait, hold on, what? Richard says it has to be, the bucket list. Well, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Why were two old friends? Yeah, uh-huh. That's what Richard wants. But I guess that's what we're doing. Didn't I meet you on the set of hard rain? Oh, wait. Is that your little brother? Richard keeps on saying he wants to see an older Christian Slater.

I know just the man. Richard Panley had no notes for going in style shows you Richard's taste in movies they he gets away and like the last

line is like the National Guard finally shows up like raised your hands no it's the state police oh the state police sorry and it's like

oh it's like oh what happened to my state glass windows I'm like shut the fuck up they drowned I'm sorry yeah And then it's Christian Slater.

He's kind of being an asshole here again. He's like, yeah, no, they're fine. Or the fire, you got to worry about you. There was a fire. Well, there was a little bit, but then the rain put it out. And then it's like, we end on a freeze frame. And I have to say, thank you for just getting out of this movie. Yes.

No fucking, you know. They don't kiss. The next day. Also totally fun. No fucking blanket over their shoulder by an ambulance. No. Yeah, exactly. nothing.

It was supposed to be a great scene, but Richard didn't want. The ambulance scene was the best in the picture. The new CEO of Paramount Pictures, Richard. Can I do this movie next after this one? I try to speak to Richard first. Apparently these days, King of Hollywood. Can you get Richard on the phone? Would Richard like this that I'm doing this picture?

I got a report that Richard didn't care for me playing God in Bruce Arrider. Fuck you, Richard. Look at the... You know, Richard wrote this new movie that I have to star in from... This one's Richard Soup to Nuts. It's called Lucky Number Slevin. Shows you how well Richard knows motion pictures.

When I did the narration of the popular documentary March of the Penguins, you see, Richard had a note and the only note said maybe instead of Morgan Freeman, the great Morgan Freeman doing the narration of the popular documentary March of the Penguins, it was carrot top. This is what Richard is working with. folks. Richard is very

into penguin sex. He's got an urge. I don't know what it comes from. I do love the theory that he did lucky number of to break the Richard curse. I told you, you don't have to listen to him. That's more like it, Mr. Richard. Richard's been in control of my career

of past decade. All right. I think I've escaped him and then it gets me again. It just, you know, just ending it like that. It just felt like a real throwback. you know well i mean and then you you you see into a song that sounds like like a rock and roll song sung by rats yeah it's mud and rain it's jars of clay which nobody gives a fuck about it did for one year

there was like a year there what was yeah the single it was 98 i'm sure was it this song yeah this was a this was a hit yes dog shit tune and they i think they kind of know it dog should because they do not let this song play out. No, yeah, they just cut into the scoreback. Yeah. Well, Richard likes the score. That's what we're going to have to. I guess that's what we're going to have to do. Richard really can only listen to the first 30 seconds of any Jaws of Clay song, is he? He listens to it while he works out. Just the first 30 seconds over and over again. Oh, man. And that is the end of hard rain. Sure. I go around the room here. Final thoughts and recommendations. Eric Siska.

Yes, it's a recommend for me. I think it's a lot of fun. Um, just despite, you know, the American actors not really nailing their British accents. Other than that, it's fucking great. I'd have really a good time with it. Christopher Cabin. Yeah, a light recommend. I don't think, I think this is actually a really good script. I'm not crazy about the direction.

Like some of the action scenes I think could have popped a lot more than like they do. Like a lot of the graveyard shootout should be a lot more tense than it is. It's just kind of bombast, which I don't mind and I had fun with it. But I kind of, you know, a movie like this, I could see it like if back in the day, like you get shocked to Noor, you get this 70 minutes. This thing's really going. This thing is really ripping. Yeah. This like the extra 20 minutes you have of the fucking banister.

It's all the staircase. Yeah. All that shit. It does kind of slow it down a bit. But yeah, still, still we're seeing. There's less staircase in the fucking series, the staircase. They did probably, I think, if you timed it all, spent less time on the stairs in that in that mini series than that. stop watch it.

It's a strong recommend for me. Not the best movie in the world, but it's just, you know what it is? It's, if you put this in your computer, the file name would be regular movie.

It's just a regular movie. No bells and whistles. You're going to have a little bit of fun. And that's it. Slater is fine. Mini driver's fine. Everybody's fine. Morgan Freeman's a lot of fun.

And Randy Quaid's a lot of fun. Dan Florek, I think, steals the show. Yeah, he does. Yeah. I mean, I will say this. You guys all predicted it at the end of the Equilibrium episode. I had a fucking tits up fantastic time watching this movie. I think it's great.

It's stupid as fuck. And I said this on Letterbox. It is a hangover movie par excellence. Holy shit. And it's that 97 minutes. You know T&T's going to get that right to two hours and 10 minutes. That's just what they need. Yeah.

No, hard recommend for hard rain. Love that. You're in the back of the box now. That's right, dude. But that is going to do it for this episode. We Hate Movies Talking. all about hard rain. But if you want more

we hate movies, of course, we are smack dab in the middle of listener request month, which means that you have picked most of the things we program this month, including a patron-selected

we love movies episode all about John Husson's the man who would be king. Yes. If you like funny voices, Michael Kane, Sean Connery, it's all there right for you.

We even throw in a little taste of what we think Christopher Plummer used to sound like. So it's three voices for one movie. on patreon.com slash we hate movies. What a bargain. Oh, yeah.

On animation, damnation, we're doing ugly Americans. We're recording this week. I still don't know what this cartoon is too much. But people, there are fans of it, so maybe we'll wind up liking it. Maybe we won't. It'll be an interesting conversation. I'll tell you this.

I would love to be turned on to a canceled cartoon that is for adults. You tell me it's a cartoon that's good for adults, and I only have to worry about like 20-some-odd episodes. Yeah, not a bad situation. Absolutely. And on the Gleap Glossary, we are talking about R5D4, programmed by you. He was recently seen in the Mandalorian.

As featured in the Mandalorian. And we'll be joined by the director of Triangle of Saddam. Wow. Ruben Austland. The fourth major man himself. That's correct. Okay. I think at this point for when this episode drops, we've already, of course,

released Melro 210, which was not patron selected. but a lot of fun. We're covering a Melrose Place Thanksgiving episode. There's a shot cut in Beverly Hills 902. And oh, that's pretty surprising. And it wasn't underwater. So that's going on. The Nexus, of course, we are covering a DS9 and a Voyager that were selected by y'all.

One, the Voyager has the rock in it being some gleeplop. And I believe that the DS9 is the one where they're all in the 1950s for some reason, right in science fiction story. Moonlight, I want to say. I think it's that one. Yes, it is. Yeah. It's a good episode. Sure, we'll find out. And then, I mean, so much shit. John Wick commentary is coming out.

That'll be out by the end of this month. So that's going to be rocking and rolling. Meekly Mandalorian episodes. Yes, right. The Mando Half Hour. Live show in Los Angeles, California on May 22nd of this year. And May 15th, May 18th, San Francisco.

Come on out, folks. come see us. And that's what we're doing Star Trek for the voyage home. That's right. And what are we doing in L.A.? Twins. That's right. And twins. Correct, Chris. But here on the free feed, listener request month continues

for one last job. One last episode of listener requested delight. What do we? We're going back to what's his face again, right? Randy Harlan. It's going to get spooky next week because it's episode 666.

And we're talking about the covenant, a bunch of boy witches. That's right. I'm excited. Witches who are boys. Which boys are there? No, the witches are the boys. The witches of the boys. We'll come to the bottom of this next week, I think. And of course, every Monday at noon,

Eastern, we are broadcasting live on our YouTube channel with on screen live where we're talking box office numbers, trailer reactions, shit we're watching in the movies and on TV. That goes off every Monday at noon Eastern on YouTube.com slash we hate movies. So that is going to do it for hard rain.

And until next week, when we hit episode 6, 6, 6, 6. Yeah, spooky just saying it, man. So until then, we're cursed by the devil. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steven Zeta. Eric 666, Scott. Chris Gavin. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast.