We Hate Movies - S13 Ep667: Dunston Checks In

Episode Date: April 4, 2023

On this week’s episode, the guys kick off APE-RIL with a chat about the outrageous kid-friendly monkey movie, Dunston Checks In! How come nobody goes outside in this film? Are these kids eating room service steak every night? How incredible are Paul Reubens and Glenn Shadix in this movie? How does that dog survive the fall off the hotel's roof? And why did they bother with this useless older brother character? Yikes. PLUS: Look who all’s invited to Tim Burton’s birthday party! Dunston Checks In stars Jason Alexander, Eric Lloyd, Rupert Everett, Glenn Shadix, Paul Reubens, Faye Dunaway, Graham Sack, Jennifer Bassey, and the late "Sam" as Dunston; directed by Ken Kwapis. San Francisco, Los Angeles and New Brunswick, NJ—tickets on sale now for our upcoming spring and summer shows, along with the just-announced VIRTUAL LIVE SHOW all about Peter Jackson's King Kong happening on 4/20! Check out the WHM Merch Store featuring new DILF Den, Grab-Ass & Cancer, SW Crispy Critters, MINGO! & WHAT IF Donna? designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, this is a movie about a monkey that checks into a hotel. It's Dunstan Checks In. I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Sadek. Eric checks in. Chris Cabin. And we, eight movies. Hello, everyone, welcome to we eight movies.

Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. It is April around here, folks. We are going monkey crazy here. Yeah. That's right. Ape shit. We're going bananas. Oh, go bananas. Good one. Yeah. All over your face. What? Yes. Eric. This is Dunstan checks in from 1996, directed by Ken Quapis. If that name is familiar to you. Quapis. Hey, Kloppish. Previous episode vibes.

I don't Ken Quappish. Directed Peter Falk and Jeff Goldblum and Cindy Lopper. And that actually kind of totally fine weird 80s comedy. Sure. Yeah. It's similar to wrangling an orangutan Trying to those bunch It's a similar What was that old poem? You could finger bang an orangutan at your local Oh yeah, that's T.S. Eliot.

Parted it to me. Finger bang and orangutang at your local zoo. You haven't heard that one? I have not heard that one. There's the start. What are you a sailor from the 1940s? And we got some spinach. No, where to go back?

I don't know. is a zoo thing. You would know, Chris. Of course, the one. You can make me Google a fingerbrane away. You know what? I'm not really much for dirty limerick. Someone sent us the dirty limerick via, you know, you get out of this Twitter. Dirty limerick us at Twitter.

I think I'm just saying I think I would remember if I was told a limerick about an orangutan being finger blasted. I really do think I remember that. Why do you think I remember that? That's why I, because I heard it. I heard it from a 40s sailor Once I hear this whole thing Because I'm not saying

I've never heard this report And I was going to say if I've If I hear this whole thing There's a good chance An uncle has said this in front of me Sure. Well Eric looks that up I finger a chimpish Because I meet my spinach

That's about as good as I can get with this Eric Oh no my fingers are getting tired Olive oil better eat some spinach bear you're not orangutan. Oh, Pop-pie. Oh,

wow, Blahy. The start is fuck, fuck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. Uh-huh. Finger bang and orangutan at your local zoo.

Wow. Actually, I never heard. All right. Interesting. No, I never got to that one. Or someone to support

your local zoo. I don't know how fucking the animal supports them. So maybe it's like one of those like happy birthday. Like, like you're saying a different ways. It's your birthday at the zoo

and they all sing it together. all the people. Fuck, fuck, I don't. Do you think those two crooked old ghost sisters have the rights to that song? I want to make it clear. I don't support that song

or the contents thereof. Yeah, of course. We don't support the contents of this show at all. No, we don't know. Does not, this is not reflect our views. Now, Chris Cabin.

Yes, sir. Chris Cabin. Yeah. We're going to move on with the Dunson checks-in episode the Dirty Limericks are behind us. Oh, I don't think we're done with them. I don't think.

Believe me, as far as his editor's hand. is concerned. We're done with it. Here's the thing. What is this movie about? Oh, this movie is about well, it's several things going on, much like an Altman movie. There is the disintegration of a family unit

happening at the forefront of this. There is a thief with a monkey friend. I mean, I guess you would say orangutan Dunstan, the titular Dunstan, is the thief. But he's really trained by Lord Rutledge

played by Rupert Everett. And also there is a grand crystal ball. Is that what it is? Yeah, the big event. The big event that's happening. No, no, no, folks, that's not a fortune teller's object. It's kind of confusing. A little bit.

You should just call it something else ball. The grand ball. Someone tells me not a lot of passes on this screen. No, no, no, no, no. Quick get it out there. Let's make it. Oh, plenty of people passed on it. I will not be at this film.

Those kinds of passes, sure. Dude, there's apes that passed on this fucking thing. The entire cast of Congo. Do you think the monkey from friends, that little chimpy, the little guy, the little, yeah, the little spider monkey, they're like, oh, we'll have Marcel in the movie. That monkey's huge right. Oh, that monkey will do it. Oh, Marcel's going to pass.

We're trying to pass on Dunson Jackson. You know what? We put a call in to Eddie from Frazier for a cameo. See if he could come in to bark a little bit. I got a question about the name of this fella here. Dunston. Yes. Now, is that the British version of Dustin?

I have no idea. Because he's a British ape. He's an ape from England for sure. He's got the teeth to prove it. And Rupert Everett here using his own actual speaking voice, very, very good. Yeah. This is probably the most accurate portrayal of the British person. Hello. Hello there,

Eddie. I am from Britain. He's doing it great, like, he's got fake teeth. He's doing a fake buck tooth kind of voice. I see how Oh, because we're making fun of British people fit with a fucked up teeth, huh? I got to say, I think Rupert is great in most things.

And he is totally, his career was in the toilet at this point. It kind of has always remained in the toilet. And it was just on the four, I think he's, long story short, I think he was blackballed for being openly gay. Oh, of course.

They couldn't find anything for him. Like, why don't you fucking be the monkey guy? He's like, I guess so. I don't know, Steve. Sometimes, I think he is much like a toilet brush.

Sometimes he's in the toilet. Sometimes it's not. I mean, and he's good either way. It's not always in the toilet. So it's just drying toilet water. Yes. I mean, that's where you go for to have like your, I'm not sure of my best friends wedding is necessarily garbage because it's inside. That's, that's the top of the

mountain. And what, you're the gay best friend. It's like, oh, can I be the gay best friend that hasn't worked? No. Can I be like a gay man? No. Can I be a straight man? No. Well, Madonna wants to make a movie. You want to do that. We got this monkey movie if you want Dustin passed on that one. Dunston. Sorry. Dunston passed on you're telling me. You're telling me you have a monkey in here. We have a monkey in the in the hotel. Okay. Okay. Well, yeah, we're going to have to get that monkey. We're going to have to get them right now. Yeah. I'm getting divorced. Yeah. That's what I've been right. No, yeah. Okay. She's dead. But no, I think of it as a divorce from life. That is a divorce. Dying is a very much divorce from life. And you can't. I mean, you could. Just. like in regular divorce, maybe one day get back together and some magical forest would happen and you'd rise from the dead. But now, Jason Alexander's

character here, interesting backstory. Of course, the widow. Sure. It's just easy, have one less character in the movie by making them widowed. Well, also, you just immediately feel for these people right off the bat is that, like, well, they're without a

mother. You'd never find out what happened to them. I assume Jason Alexander was acquitted of all charges. Yeah, that's right. You ain't got nothing on me, copper. But who knows? You know, we never really get to know.

But yeah, it's mostly just him playing, not really parenting these kids, parenting Faye done away. Yes. Isn't it where the dad started wearing that rug after the mom died? Oh, shit, dude. Get back out there, dude. Yeah, that's a tail getter. Because we're in the majestic hotel.

Absolutely. A fictitious hotel in New York City. That Jim Carrey is trying to reinvent and bring back. No, no. He's trying to convince Martin Landau. You're getting confused. This is Dunstan Checks in. Yes, Frank Deribantz, Dunstan Chixon.

Oh, wait, no, that is also, yeah. This beginning reminded me a little bit of Grand Budapest a little bit. Because it is similar, like the hotel is waking up for the day, you know. That's where he got the idea from this, yeah. Well, I could probably make a seem similar kind of movie here, but maybe just take out the monkey. He's probably the only person that could make a, besides. like Planet of the Apes, which is our Patreon offering this month. Like, he could, Wes Anderson could make a great monkey move.

You know, to really elevate the monkey film. Right? Yeah. Totally. I mean, but he needs control. That's a man who likes controlling every part of the frame. A monkey is not allowing that. Listen, listen.

You get one monkey. You want to make it more controlled. You break its legs. You get another monkey that looks just like it. You break its arms. You shoot them separately as the same character. Yes. Suddenly you're making good time.

You're on budget. The 1920s school of filmmaking. I have no problem with it. They'd be immortalized on film. What do they need their regular life for? Jason Schwarzen is a his father dies. He's a society type. Inherits the monkey.

I think he went inheriting the monkey. And the movie could just be called inheriting the monkey by the way. It's a specialty hotel. It's called the monkey house. And he's the logo is his face. He always thought it was his father that smelled

like shit. It turned out it was the monkey in the house. Oh, man. Yeah, so you get all these shots of like, you know, room service food being prepared, shine shoes being left in front of doors, all to tell you that this ain't no motel six.

No, the fruit salad's looking great. The eggs and sausage and bacon not. The bacon looks purple. You don't want, no hot food, I think, here. I think you keep to the cold stuff. You know, and we get into it later, like when the family eats. They're always using room

service. That would get tiring really, really quickly. And like, you know, Jason Alexander, because the kids like, you know, make some quip about it. He's like, oh, well, there's a fine dining restaurant downstairs. And to the kids point, the one, the main kid here, he's like,

wouldn't it just be nice to cook as a family? No. No. Steaks from downstairs, God damn it. You're eating red meat every night, you're a son of a bitch. You'd get tired of fucking steak. Why would I be giving you skills to live a life with. Why cooking? Why is

that so important, huh? The whole notion of the guy living at the place. I'd kill myself. I had to live at work. Forget it. You're never off. You're never off. Dude. And we see this, like, this is a big thing of Jason Alexander's character. It's like,

he does not have a lot of time for his kids. He's always dealing with his fucking hotel and fucking fade down away. He's fucking fade out. No, no, the fucking manager. owner fate. After the wife went away. Why not? Oh, yeah, 1996, fate down

away, why not? She's got a lot of money. She's got a lot of money. She owns the hotel, right? That's right. The Monopoly man she's with doesn't look like he's doing much down there. This dude does look like the Monopoly man. Yeah, he's got a broken dick. We do start with a little shit boy fucking jamboree here. Oh, God. Yes, the disgusting little shit boys are off

the charts in this episode and I apologize. I know that's a mean classification. He's a disgusting shit. There's no other word you can describe it. This one. They're disgusting vent children. They're growing up in vents. I fucking hate the trope of we're little kids and we've got little walkie-talkies. Are you

where you're supposed to be for our little kid prank? Oh, check. Yeah. No fucking thanks, dude. This is the height of that kid power shit. It's like these kids are running out. Forget the fact that there's a monkey in this hotel. These kids are running around like wild

animals and rolling around because they're on rollerblades with their little helmets and it's very tactical I guess for this prank they're doing where the fountain starts to spew a bunch of water but uh oh we hit the fat guests in the lobby

and now they're falling over because they're fat and weird oh no and it keeps spraying them in the face the way this gag gets set up there's like a piece of shit they hate that's on Jason now, Sandor's staff. And I was here thinking

this guy's gonna be somewhat bit like maybe the guy who's helping Faye Dunaway or something. He's gone after this gag as is. And I recognize the actor who plays the guy

who's bringing the luggage that he's picking on. I forget where, but he's from like TV or something. Really? Yeah, he's an older guy. I've seen him in his stuff. And again, he is nothing.

After this. The movie starts with an honest to goodness like fucking Mark's brothers ask old fat doubt which shows on. Absolutely, dude. Absolutely. Like an opera singing lady. Totally. And you know what? Opera lady, not in public. All right. You know what? It's the same thing. You shouldn't be blaring your fucking,

you know, your pill speakers or your phone speakers with your music. Don't presume, all right, just because you're this fancy professional opera singer that I want to hear that shit while I'm trying to check into my hotel. I totally agree. I mean, no applause, but maybe a punch in the gut. Nice, quick one. Well, it's bad enough that you have the, you know, that what would also be like a dowager, but this is a fat opera singer. And now you also

have Glenn Shattacks. You are also like, the great Glenn Shack. It's a double down. You got to do two fat gags. Two fat jokes, ass to ass. Well, speaking of fat jokes, little Eric Lloyd, little shit boy here. Yes. She walks. The Santa Claus and other shit. She walks by and he's like,

uh, alert. Roger. Yeah, this lady just checked it. She weighs about a thousand pounds yeah okay all right you know what do you try to live it outside of the world you little fuck

totally why don't you cook yourself dinner oh you don't know how you've been room service all 12 years of your life you fucking turn you'll weigh a thousand pounds one day people wonder why kids go missing wait wait till you find soda and fritos my friend

did you say she eats a thousand pancakes no she weighs a thousand pounds well pardon me I'm looking for a Hogbeasts, they want a thousand pancakes. And Diehardt through, it's like, oh, give her take 300 pounds. Yep, totally. It simply said there was a

fat woman on a little two minute to get her off. But yeah, something, something. Glenn Shadix, by the way, has a little dog with an adorable little Westy, I believe. Named after Neil Armstrong. This is my dog, Neil. Named after Neil Armstrong, the first man on the moon. I just love the astronauts.

God damn it, Glenn Shadix. Why are you dead? Fuck this world Dude, fuck this universe I agree, fuck it all to hell Yeah, he could really sell anything He was great in everything He's selling it in this piece of shit

He was a highlight in previous episode Chairman of the Board Yes, right, yes And if you can make a highlight Out of that movie man You're one of the all-time greats Something something The fount was supposed to spray this guy

Who's not a character But it sprays these two fat people They both fall in the fountain The water's getting anywhere Oh, they're screaming, aren't they? They're screaming. Oh, yeah. This movie has no respect for this Glenn Shadick's character whatsoever because they don't even make him intelligent enough to move out of the way.

Yes. Like the little fountain's just pissing in his face and he's like, oh my God, oh my God, this is just ridiculous. And it's like, dude, just a step to the left of my friend and then he ain't getting dushed no more. And then you're like, I'm leaving this hotel. That was absurd. Yeah. But he can't because he's got to do the full review because he is the secret shopper. for Le Monde.

Now, and the fountain, was it, was it the penises or the mouth? Mouths are spitting. It's spitting. I always like the classy P one. Yeah, the P ones are great. So pissing is a little doll. So when it comes to statues,

it's pissing is classy. Yes, yeah, okay. They should replace all those Confederate monuments with those little boys peeing. That's my hot tank. Just make them all pissing. That would just be funnier.

If you just keep them all up and just their own. A Confederate general just taken a piss? at a college in a creative writing class this one guy this teacher I was talking about like you traveled to Italy

and it was just the Paradisio was so beautiful this wonderful statue of a little girl in front of a in front of a bath and you know

and the fountain was spraying and she just had the perfect and he's doing it the thing of his hands and I'll say it's perfect the perfect little slit you know what I mean

in front of a room of like 26 college students. And everyone's like, perfect little slit. I swear to God. It's a perfect little slit my wife divorced. I don't know how else to put it. But he's trying to like to talk about like,

I think he's trying to like about scene setting. You must understand. There was a, it was just the grass was there. And found in the paradisi of the music you could hear the back. had a nice little espresso with my hand

and the statue and the little perfect little slit little perfect yes would he have been bummed down if it was like

an imperfect my trip you see was ruined everything was fine the food was amazing the music bellowing out of all windows was just fantastic

and then I got to this one fountain you just look it was just a quick it was an imperfect slit you see the trip was ruined terrible slit

All of Italy, terrible slits. Stitch from the beginning to the end, just horrible. Kiss the soil when I got home for all these perfect slits. I finally got back to American soil, you see. Well, that was indeed perfect slits far. Now, Mary ask you, do any of you have any questions? Keep in mind, I will not be answering anything about the slits. It's only about your homework, you see.

Not the insane pedophilic story I didn't. Just about. Okay, we've done a lot so far. If there's any children in the car with you while you're listening to this, please reconsider. Problem, sorry. Yeah, we didn't even get to the monkey yet. Apologies. That's great.

So Jason Alexander, this is his first scene. Like, he sees, like, the end of this thing. He's like, what's going on here? And he brings the kids down to the kitchen. And he's kind of doing, what do you call it their moonstruck bit, right? Take the knife, just put it in my back. You know what I mean? get the big knife

get the big knife but dad could you you know mom got stabbed in the back to dad could you not do that no because that's how serious I'm being God damn and I'm reenacting your mother's murder

okay okay okay okay okay dad okay but so this is he explains to the kids and kind of like the staff at the same time like the crystal ball is yeah that's Friday the week big fucking week yada yada yada and I swear to use kids you better to stay out of

mischief, like allowing a monkey to run free in the hotel. Just hypothetical, that would be bad. We're going to keep, you can stay in the vents. That's fine. Run rampant in the vents as much as you want. But I swear to God, if there's an orangutan in here, I'm going to be so pissed. He also says, you know, we're going, first of all, it is Jason Alexander. He's wearing a rug.

Yep. He's trying not to be George Costanza. He's not doing the Costanza voice for most of it. He's not pulling it off. No, it's not, yeah. It's George. Well, George, he's ruined by that show. In a good way.

In a good way, because it's an iconic character. It is, but man, I'll tell you what. There's a doc about he, merrily, we roll along the Stephen Sondheim. Oh, yeah. When it opened the first time, it failed horribly. And he was part of that original cast. It was like his Broadway debut.

So he's in this dock, and he's talking about it and whatever. And eventually, like, it makes its way into sign because he's talking about how he loves acting in the theater and dude he fucking says the most gutting thing about it because he's like he's like I'm not

you know besmirching the show I loved the show I loved playing George but George Giveth and George taketh away and he literally says that and you know exactly what it is because you know that after that it was like give us

Costanza yeah just do it you know just do Kistanza again you know and he's a fucking trained, like real deal fucking actor, beautiful singing voice. Oh, yes. So that Mick DLC comes up where he sings about the new McDonald's options.

He probably had more fun making that commercial than he did making this movie. I would believe it. I had more fun watching that commercial than I had. Watching this excellent. Yeah, but he's doing very like a very kind of hoity-twitty. Well, you know, doing this kind of a bit. And it's just sort of like,

but at the end of the week, after this big crystal ball, I'm going to take my two kids to Barbados for some reason. The kids are like, oh, man, I can't wait to go to Barbados? Like, I don't know. Where is that, Dad? It sounds great. It's a beach resort. That's like where you take someone to fuck.

Yeah, well, you take an adult person there. Well, son, there's some great slits there. Oh, no. Yeah. Well, this is great. We'll bring that up throughout the episode. Thank goodness. There are. We can talk about finger banging orangutangs if you would make you happy. There's two.

Which would I rather? What is? talk about the orangutang had a perfect slit yes the slit giveth and the slit taketh the way as it would be so lord rutledge checks in giant giant case actually a great question eric because lord rutlitch comes in with with the giant case yeah he checks he checks into the hotel does this count as dunstan checking in no no well because he it turns out steve later in the movie He literally gets his own room. God, he does check in it.

Under a false name. Yeah, it's a doctor. Yeah, he's got some like Vietnamese last name or something like that. That's like the joke or whatever. But he does check in. But this little rat bastard kid, like he just, after like getting reamed by his dad, like, hey, don't do this shit. Or you just give me one week. We'll go to Barbados instead of Disney World or wherever.

It's got a big case. And this kid's like knocking on it. Like you can't be bothering guests like this. Out of this lobby. Get back in the vent. get back in the vent and eat your fish heads How does the case not smell? How is there not noises coming out of it? Once he brings it up to the room, he opens the door and the

fucking monkey smoking a cigarette. Also, great point you just brought up here. You made me think, there's no air holes in this fucking thing. Andy's smoking. But the air holes, I mean, you're not making the trip over the pond or wherever you're coming from. It's also in pitch black and you're just in there for hours and days. I'll tell you what, Chris Kevin, sometimes you get into fucking just a bad, shitty mind state man. And Sometimes you've got to be smoking in the dark. Sometimes it's very healthy.

The cramped space is more my issue. If I'm in a fucking bathtub and I have to do that for two days, that sucks. Clearly means we need to make some type of coffin simulation for you. Sure. So you could conquer your fears. Clearly where I have to go with this. That makes sense. In that case, there's dirt from Dunstan's actual home.

Oh, yes, that's right. Like Dracula. Yeah. It's how he travels. Where we hate movies, and this is coffin simulation. I know, seriously, Chris, I'll help you live that dream of being in the coffin. Oh, thank you so much. We'll get a pine box.

Always so sweet. Yeah, Popper's Grave for sure. It's always just absolutely adorable whenever you talk about my dad. No, no. This is a fun little joking time. We just put you in the box for a few hours. hours. Yes, you've got to soak it in. It's like MythBusters kind of thing. Thank you, Steve.

Exactly like MythBush. Are you going to put on a silly hat and talk to the camera about it? Yes, I am. With the little glasses. Yes, I am. Here's a myth that we should see if we can bust. How many times is it that when a snooty, supposedly cultured English so-and-so that looks as dapper and young as Rupert ever does in this movie, how often is it? how often is it when those kind of fellas start hitting on old bags like Mrs. Della Roche is that guy a crook? It's got to be 10 times 100% well but it depends on I guess yes it's a matter of degree then because some of the crooks are just like hey if my life is just hanging out with this old lady and banging her occasionally and that is my life being taken care of that's the Sugaray way

that's fucking Mark McGrath's life right now. A quick objection, Your Honor. Mrs. Delacroche is like 51 and doing it just just all right. Oh, she's not as much of an old bag as I registered. In the first scene, you're like, oh, you know, when she takes that hat off, you're like, yeah, it's okay. She's got to let her hair down. Also, we've come to find out through Steve Sadek here. He's got a kind of big desire for what is known as Granny Shaggers.

Yes, exactly. Granny Shaggers are younger men or whatever, or I guess women. Yeah, anyone who could, okay, so the younger, who you fuck any granny you want. I don't, I'm not trying to say, more are you getting angry at right now? My mind. So it's conceivable that not everyone who wants to fuck the elderly are crooked. No, it's true.

There are people who just fall in love with the elderly, Andrew. No. When they're rich, I mean, yeah, I get the suspicion. When the rich, sure. But like, when it's like a fucking chimney sweeps widow. Sure. Dude, people do it, man. People find it.

I know. I watched the show. people like we were in Austin we watched almost all of it I know some people like old in perfect slits this is a fucking Steve I hate

I know I regret it immediately but it needed to happen is that is it there is that just another wrinkle oh no it's just another wrinkle here we go here we go fucking real hard redirect sure let's start over

it's a Dubrow alert yes brow alert here comes Faye Dunaway as Mrs. Dubrow. I guess the owner of this hotel, but it's one of those weird things where it's like, this would be owned by some corporate conglomerate kind of

thing. I guess back of the 90s, you could still have like a mom and pop hotel shade. Just a mom and pop Plaza Hotel? Yeah, it's a little weird. You know, I found, I booked accommodations recently up near the Berkshires. Oh, yeah. In a hotel that used to be a holiday in and now it's just some guys

running it. Really? I'm kind of excited for this experience. Wow. my own majestic. Look, it's usually the holiday and now it's Dale's hotel. Dude,

I'll tell you what. It's got a classy name like hotel downtown or something. We recently decided to go to that same concert that you're staying there for. You stay in there too?

Well, I was about to ask you off the air about which hotel you were staying there, but I don't know if I want to get murdered in the Dale's hotel. Yeah.

Welcome to Dales. Oh, man, Dales. Or if like you go to Dales and it's like a dude who looks exactly like Eugene Levy. standing outside and it's just a weird

like Schitt's Creek kind of thing. Right, a Rosebud Motel. It's the same holiday in that the famous Bear County Massacre happened in. Don't worry about it. It's it's a nice but cleaned it up. We got Wafah. That's an idea right. Cocaine Bear,

huge success. Yep. Bear in a hotel. Make that movie. That's much better. Much better than the monkey. Well, first of all, the difference would be by new. You put a fuck, you an orangutan in a hotel, people start grabbing at this thing, they're fucking drawn back stubs. It's killing

dude. It's killing. It's eating faces and whatnot. All apes are killing machines you need to be put down. Or they just need to be left alone where their environment is. How about that? Plan B backup. But

A, should be we should all try to be Grizzly man and whatever happens to us. You will not the director's cut of Dunstan checks in I want you to only listen to the tape don't watch

the end of Rupert Everett Eric Lloyd was the fifth child who was supposed to be in it Dunston the killer took him all it's very surprising that this movie was finished and released at all what with all the child murder

that happened on the set we do find out so Ruddett checks into his room and Dunstan, this is when you meet Dunstan, he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt. It's a monkey movie. It's a monkey movie.

He starts smoking a cigarette, and he has got, it's this idea because, like, we look, monkeys are just either he's going to make either creepy monkey noises, which people don't want, or just be dead silent. And they're like, well, that's not going to work for our monkey movie. We're going to give him weird little gizmo noises.

Yeah, yeah. It's disturbing. It's so disturbing. It is vile. It is an effoling. front to all that is holy. I think this is a leftover from when they're trying to get Marcel to play the monkey. Oh, I see.

Because like if you have a little capuchin thing and it's like, I kind of buy that more, but this big fucking hulking orangutan It's like, no man. If anything you could give it the voice of Paul Giamani, but other than that, you got to get some scarier noises. Yes.

Get up this pipe. One after the other here. Robin, this. old lady. God damn it. What kind of existence? This is, by the way, Rupert Everett murdered my brother. What's this hat? Oh, what's this hat?

Because we find out that Rupert Everett is a cat burglar. Sure. That used to be in the circus that he had two monkeys, Samson and Dunstan. And he keeps threatening Dunstan to whatever happened to Samson because there is a prequel of this movie called Samson Checks Out. Oh, yes.

Yes, yes. And we get to It's a 90-minute static shot of the ape's face as the eyes go dead. You get to see the slow, the soul leap about it. It was a knife and the ape's heart and it just slumps over. That would be a great movie. It's the Dominic scene in casino, except for it doesn't happen to Pesci, Pesci being Dunstan. Samson, my friend. Samson.

No, Samson gets the Dominic. Oh, I see. Oh, okay. So it gets beaten with baseball back? Yes. I would actually pay money to see. Lord Rootich is that my brother? Ouk, Ouk, Ouk, Dominic.

Shampson, Shampson, no. Sats the sats of bitches. Yeah, but like he keeps bring up to, oh, do you want to do you never happen to Samson to happen to you? Yeah, and whatever it is, man, this monkey knows it because he fucking powers in fear every time. I guess that's the only reason that he doesn't attack group or whatever it is because if it lives in, he's been like, you know, conditioned to fear him.

Right. It's like a regular father You know It's not much different That's true And also the monkey Could just understand Anything you say

Flu in English Yes Fluent English But back to your Debrow alert Oh so yeah Debrow and it's a really I hate I hate it's such

I mean it was tired in 96 You still see it today Where it's even more tired But the It's like The little game of telephone All the staff is like Dubrow alert

Dubrow alert And I get it when like you're calling someone on the phone or like on the radio, but there's a shot of like the front desk and it's like one person turns ahead and says Dubrow alert and then the next person and I'm like man, man do I get it. This is tired shit.

This does produce a great Jason Alexander line though where he's like, oh, all right, we got to get the kids out of here. Ms. Dubrow hates kids. One time she kicked Big Bird in the nuts. That's pretty funny. Just imagining fake that way kicking Big Bird in the boss. I would love that. I mean, I think the cast, I have nothing but good things to say about this.

I mean, the shit in kids, who cares? But, like, they're not really here to act anywhere. They're just to react to the fucking monkey. Right. But I have nothing bad to say, like, all the lines are, like, they're not all winners, but, like, there's plenty of good ones that. Paul Rubens, when we get to him is exquisite. He's good.

Glenn Shattacks is good. Jason Alexander has his moments, but the movie is a stink. It is the script is sucky. I mean, like, but as a kid, I saw this. like a dozen times as a kid. Wow. And for that, that like works. Yes. Oh, you didn't? I saw it. I saw it a few times now. I see. Probably once or twice and then I saw it. Now, you guys were fresh to the game here. Fresh to the game. Never saw it. Literally

watched it yesterday. Yeah. So go on. Did you have any monkey movies though? Because there was monkey trouble was the other one. You got to have a fucking monkey movie. You better say you had a beloved monkey movie. Oh, great question. Did I have a monkey movie? Yeah. I mean, Some people had dog, like Bingo was the dog. Bingo? There was AirBud. We were a huge homeward bound house. Okay. Those two Homeward Bound movies got played an awful lot.

As far as monkey movies. My little sister's probably going to fucking DM me after this. You watched Ed a thousand times. No, Ed, I only saw like recently as an adult, not recently, probably like in a story a day. You guys ever see Milo and Otis? Oh, yeah. Homeward Bound. Yeah.

Now, apparently they tortured all those. Oh, dude. It was terrible trouble. Yeah, a cute movie. Yeah, a lot of monkey business. Shilling behind the scenes. You think they were given Dunstan here some cattle prods? I think they were.

I really hope not, man. I really... What, you prefer like a whip or something? I prefer... Something that draws blood. Animals to not act. Yeah, I agree. That's what I fucking prefer. You know, what's great is like, like, a horse.

You know, it just walks through. Someone rides it. It's not like these monkeys, but they're mugging. for the camera. They got a mug. They have to do kissy face. They gotta do the kissy face. Oh, so your problem is they're too much of like stardom. They're too taken in. No, my problem is like what? Do a motive. What did it take? Yes. To get this monkey

to climb out the set window, shimmy up the set water pipe. The whole, you know what I mean? About 500 watts of electricity. That's what I'm saying. And I know there's like fucking legit animal trainers out there and whatever. But they're crooked. They're crooked. I am of the mind. Monkeys shouldn't be acting. Dogs, jumping up and pushing people, fine. That's as far as dog acting should go.

That's why, like, when you get a super dog, that's great because all you need to be a super dog is you jump up and you put your little pause on somebody and he falls off a cliff. Instant super dog. And this is my plan on the apes is so great. Our Patreon offering for this month, by the way. It has regular people playing apes.

Not a fucking monkey was harmed. Actually, when I was watching something a little earlier on the way on an end. and apparently the way they got the monkey to shimmy up the pipe to get into Mrs. Del Crochet's room is they put him in a chair without a bottom in it and they had this bolo whip and they just knocked his balls a couple of them.

I think you were accidentally watching Casino Royale. Oh, right. I think that that ape cheated at poker or something, right? Oh, you think you know what's going on? Do you, Mr. Ape? Strip naked ape. Oh, man. Well, I'm already there. My name is Pansy, chimpanzee.

you just made a bad animated movie Eric I want some residuals and I'll tell you what you just said it man the A word animate that shit up and down the board I'll tell you what I'm watching this agent Elvis on Netflix it's fucking crude and hilarious and there is a monkey that's doing all sorts of crazy shit

and it's a cartoon so I don't have to worry about it but Nana peeled and peeled yes so Mr. Brown comes in with her or hen-packed, we'd call him husband. And she explains that there is a secret shopper and the guest and that person is from the Lumonde organization. And if everything goes well

and there's no monkey business at all, at the end of the week, they will get a six-star as opposed to the five-star that they have. Right. So you're saying this fella got attacked by a chicken. Yes, it's hen-packed. That's right. I'd like to see that prequel film. This old timer being fucking eaten by chickens. Oh, I'd watch that.

No, no. So what's your new movie about? Well, it stars a guy who looks like the Monopoly guy. And it's only, you know, I like to dabble in short form sometimes. It's only 40 minutes. But listen, the Monopoly guy, he gets pecked to death by chickens. That's the movie. Gentlemen, we all have heard of dog movies, monkey movies.

Chicken movies have not really been. We've not explored them quite yet. Right. Coming this summer. Head pecked. Oh, yes. Right. Yep.

You'll be chicken feed. Yes. Yeah. Come out to the theater. or we'll think you're chicken shit. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, this is a great concept because no one cares if you abuse chicken.

No, you can go crazy. You're going to eat them anyway. Craft services can take the one after they're done filming and we can get it done. Literally just watch and film them chopping the heads off those things. You're like, that's a natural thing. That's a good thing.

I mean, this is what how, if you eat me, that is what you are participating in. Movies like Henckx. Well, I mean, I will movies like Kennex. I will speak. People kill chickens and we don't talk about it. Of course, but you know what? There's another

kid's classic Michael Hennekees, Benny's video where you watch a pig's throat get slit, you know? It's very, it's it's just the natural way of things. That is the, that's, hey, I didn't start the world toning, you know? But this is, you want to know,

you didn't start the fire? You want to know how the sausage is made, kids. Literally. That's like the gault that is thrown down. And it's very important because this is movie rules apply. If they don't get this sixth star, you bet your ass Jason Alexander is looking for a new job. And they cancel his vacation because like,

yeah, adios Barbados. So the kid is devastated. There's also, what was the other? Is there another stipulation here? No, yeah, it's just he gets fired if they don't get this six star. That's, that's like kind of the end. Right. And it's supposed to be this, the man from LeMond or whatever is there to give them this star. And they think it's Lord Rutledge.

That sets off this whole thing. Something very strange. I assume it's a Halloween costume. Uh-huh. But I almost called him George Costanza. Jason Alexander has a grant, if you will. It's a family photo of a power ranger. Yes. on his desk

and I couldn't look at anything else it's very distracting right there and I was like the fuck aren't because listen you're totally right Chris and you know I'm just going to put it out there there's certain movies that have power rangers in them there's other movies that don't now

the rule of thumb is a movie that should have a power ranger in it is a power rangers this is correct every other movie that isn't a power rangers movie turns out has no business having Power Rangers. We're trying this on for size.

Power Ranger versus an ape. Oh. And you get to see an ape fucking like take apart one of those kids. I like that. But I do think Power Ranger would be in the title of that film. That's just me guessing. That's true. But I'm pretty sure that's what would happen.

That's true. There might be maybe, you know, exception even with the rule. Maybe Jingle all the way has a Power Ranger. And that may be like that. Because Turbo Man is kind of a knockoff. I thought. I thought, now you're saying, Chris, that you think that it's a file photograph of someone

dressed up as an orange. I thought it was a kid's shitty drawing. It looks real. Maybe the kids just really talented. Or maybe Chris sees in cartoons. I do. You see cartoons? What an amazing existence. You keep on having fire come out of your head. It's kind of like that inside out character.

I'm talking to you. You watched Cool World one too many times. I think that what the Gabriel Burns animated in that. I don't get it. It's all a cartoon. A 1940 sailor. That's one's a fucking fever dream right there. Oh, right.

Cool world. I think that what they're getting at with the Power Ranger thing, which is something the movie fails at, is it tries to make Jason Alexander as this heartwarming dad that, like, is doing his best and like the kids are wet. Because he's far too much of an authoritarian as he is in the movie. And the kids are just such shitty whatever. It's like, one or two scenes like, yeah, you do, you miss your mother, huh?

It's sad. And it just, it never gets there. And I mean, that's sort of what we're trying to. get here with the picture, like, he does love his kids, which I never believe for a second. If it, like, A, like, I didn't think of it as a drawing because there's no other drawings there. And why would you frame a child's drawing? Also, for the record, folks, child art is terrible. Also, it's up front. Do you maybe not want to have a picture of your late wife

there? Well, you know, I got a signed picture of the Red Ranger here. I wrote in, I wrote into the fucking show. I wrote it to Saban. They They sent me back This photograph Very good people To your argument That child art is terrible I mean you're

Steve your professor Love that one Well that was art of a child Oh That's a little different God There's no way a child Can make a slit

Some Italian We're at six slits by the way Post Italy was it Is it So some of an Italian guy Was Bob like Making it out of clay

And then took his credit card He threw a little swipe He likes using everyday tools. Some of this has to get edited out. I don't know which it is. Some of it has to. I'm putting my foot down. I'm putting my foot down.

The credit card part stay in it. It's a pretty good one. Nice. And by the way, you should have been charged. Yes. Oh, the other crazy thing, just the tail end of this meeting is she's like,

by the way, to quote, this is great fucking management here. By the way, you got to fire somebody so it inspires the rest of the staff to work hard towards this crystal ball. Lamonde right up in whatever. And he's like, all right. And this is a, this, I think,

it's not really with his kids necessarily. But it's the thing that shows you that Mr. Grant here, the Jason Alexander character, is not a total piece of shit. Yeah. Because Fay Dunaway is like, oh, yes, I think that

housekeeper Consuelo would do. Consuelo is a woman who she bumped into in the hallway. Well, now, listen, this might be justified because Consuelo is going fast holding a dog of some sort. Is this Shattuck's dog? This dog gets fucking body because they slam

into Faye down away and it's real and this dog is like vibrating from the fucking, like this dog is in trouble here. Crash test doggy. No, man. Think about you know, dogs look so pretty with their little sweaters, but if you made them dress

up in a little crash test dummy after it, and then put them in a car and crashed it. Sure. Think about how much fun that was? A little yellow black circles. The crash test dummies cartoon, which did exist. I do remember that. Oh, yes. Crash test dummy dog. Oh, God. You remember the hit action figures? I think I even

had one. I had them, dude. Yeah. And you would like press them and their limbs would explode off. God, we don't have enough exploding things. Like, when was the last time? Wow, wow, wow, wow. What? There was his dog who was inside a hotel and jumped

inside a bed oh yes foot down and this dog fell off the roof of the big hotel singing what's great about that

this song is it would be slightly shorter than the movie I would love that So he's like, all right, yes, I'll fire this woman. And he calls her in, and he goes, look, and Swelow, I am going to give you right, starting right now, you have a paid week of vacation. And she's so stoked and he goes, but the little, the kicker is, you'll get it if you leave my office in tears right now. And so she runs out crying and Faye Dunaway is like, ha, ha, excellent.

I sure hope I don't fall into a sheetcake at the end of this film. that wouldn't fit my station at all. Dude, I wish it was a she cake. It's a mountain cake. So this is the Dunstan robbery scene. Eric Lloyd has been sent by his disgusting brother. The fact that there's an older brother in this movie, we haven't really talked about him. Doesn't need to be in the movie.

Eric Lloyd's a cute little kid, right? He's a kid from the Santa Claus, you know? He's got the floppy hair, everything. Nasty. Yep. Get eyes. Anyway, go ahead. This other kid is like 13 or 14.

He's got like long ratty hair. It's disgusting. It was the style at the time It's not the kids fall But he looks like he's going as Eddie Vedder for Halloween A little bit A little bit And we catch him at some point

I think it's earlier than we were talking right now He's in the kitchen with this guy With this head security card guy Watching security cam footage Of these literal teenage girls Who are like 1617 total tops French women too And like we've he's hit on them before

Unuccessing little kid Chris They were going to go to jazz at Lincoln Center, and he was trying to flirt with them. You see, because maybe teenagers will want to watch the monkey movie. Maybe the horny teenagers will find something to like in the monkey

movie. Listen, when you're the horny teenage babysitter, and you got to watch some shitty kids, and uh-oh, we got Dunson checks in, and then, uh-oh, there's a little romantic thread with some characters who are about my age? There's my character getting humiliated.

And watching videos of women. Well, that's, okay, he's watching security camera footage and him and this 40-year-old man are zooming in, like, yeah, get it, yeah. Yeah, oh, my God, look at it. Like, the way that they are acting is as if there was some nude scene. These two girls were kissing or something like that. It's just two girls sitting. No, and it's, oh, yeah. It's like baby sliver all of a sudden.

Oh, yes. Man, no, I was what I said. I would like to see that. But no, I do. No, I do not. Nobody wants to see that now. No, thank you. I want to see Granny Sliver. But so he sends his younger brother. I was like, hey, dad's got to, you got to walk the dog for Glenn Shadick's up there.

Great, great reference here on the impersonation, Steve, because this kid sounds like baby Robert Forster. And it is really distracting up against Eric Lord and Jason Alexander, who do not sound like that. Yeah, so where did this kid come from? But so he's got to walk the dog. from the fucking dug out at Wrigley Field where he was born. Well, you're your mother's son. You know that.

Oh, you're your dead mother's son, by the way. She, so while this is happening, Dunstan gets in his cat burglar odor outfit. It's adorable, isn't it? It is. And he shimmies up the tent. Wait, wait, wait. Do we mention Lord Rutledge dresses up as a janitor?

Yeah. Goes into that fucking, do we mention that? No, no. Okay, you said yes. So it's confusing. I was agreeing with you. Okay. That's a nice thing. Turn left, right here.

here. Okay. Wait, wait, let me put the signal on. Lord Rettlet's dressed up as like a house, bellhop, and then goes into the room, puts a red, like, flag thing in the window so that Dunstan knows which window

to go into to steal from, just steal now, you're in the room, you're already wearing a fucking disguise and snooping around. Well, they, it's not sleepy hollow. They have fingerprint evidence. They can get it now. They know who did it. Gloves or Burnmore. Speaking of Glenn Shattacks.

And also the idea of the red rope like, oh, Dunstead would know because it's right. This monkey knows everything you say. Hey, Dustin's like four windows up, two to the left. Exactly. You don't need this ribbon. Dude, he speaks fluent English. But, okay, but the monkey does give him one thing, exactness.

Because he goes directly for where the jewels are. I'm kidding. He plays dress up for 20 minutes. And this is why... I mean, it's a monkey movie Chris. I understand. I just what I paid my $6 for. But it's also why You shouldn't have your monkey. Yeah.

But you're fucking cat burglars, man, because he's going through a bunch of drawers. He's putting fucking ladies underwear on his head and give it a big sniff there. See that's the monkeys are only good for one thing. Cage fighting. That's correct. That's really it. He's drinking perfume.

It just goes back to fucking Lord Brothers, just throwing up. Just vomit. You, yeah, vomit if you're lucky. This thing by the end of this adventure is getting some real diarrhea attacks. Lots of fruits and perfume coming. not the back end. I can't imagine it's good or solid. Like at the end of this movie, like there should be a big chase and Lord Rutland

just coming after this monkey and the kids or whatever and the monkey takes a huge champagne and fucking perfume shit all over the hallway and then Lord Rutland just slips sliding down this thing. You know what I mean? It's more yellow than you'd like it to be. We're going to get to you. We're going to have to have the power washer

again. Get it out of here. It's like I would, I hope I could tell you it's just on the wall. We're close with the hotel. We have to burn it down. It's going to become Dale's hotel now. We should mention really quickly what he's doing right before he gets the call to start burglaring. Burgling is he's watching Planet of the Apes.

Oh, yes, he is. He's watching the scene where Taylor kisses her at the end there. He gives a big monkey round of applause. He wants to make out with Charles the Heston. Oh, yeah. Well, I can play them on that one. I mean, but it would be funny if, like, everybody who, like, kids who watch this are like, oh, is that how it ends? Yay!

We're going to be married. I should also point out, man, during this, because the score to this movie is abysmal. The choice is here specifically, though, like, Steve, what you just did, the, like, making a, like, a horn sound effect. Sure. There's a lot of horns throughout this. But when we are doing this, like, fashion. show. Oh, yeah.

And he's danced around. This trumpet is like, bra-p-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dha. Coming up on Selly, Jesse Raphael. That's what it sounds like. I guarantee you at some point in this film. It's like, and then we'll do I'm too sexy right here. Yeah.

And then somebody was like, nah, we're not going to do it. The kids aren't going to understand the sexy song. So what we've got to do is we got to have a little French number, a little jazzy bit for him to do. Because that's silly. It makes you think of an open door false. Yes. It's terrible.

So he's like stealing everything, whatever. And then fucking Rupert Evert calls the room. Yes. Which like, now there's phone records involved. Dude, sorry. And he's like, now remember Dunstan, Jewel's not junk, usually. How many times has he done this and just gotten junk back? Exactly.

Yep. If that's true, if that's, then you got to kill Dunstan. Find yourself a new orangutan or do the work yourself. you ass. Oh, well, Samson. Well, well done. How did your cat burgling gun? Let's see. A bunch of lug nuts and a banana. Dunstan get my gun. I want you to shoot him. I want you to shoot him. Dude, yeah.

He controls Dunstan Rutland. He fucking made Dunstan kill his own brother. That would be a beautiful moment of not human drama, but ape drama. Do it for your daddy, Dunstan. Oh, definitely. And now turn the gun on yourself, Dustin. No, Dunstan, not on me, on yourself. No, Dunstan, no! Ah, Dunstan.

Those were just blanks the whole time. Lord Runledge was testing you and you failed. It was a test, Dunstan. And now you'll be strangled. See, that would be... Tidimau, Dunstan. So much more interesting. It really would.

But instead, what happens is the monkey kind of freaks out, steals some stuff. He does find the Jewel's at last. Yes, at last. He does bring home like a stick of gun. because he's got a shiny rapper. And Lord Ruchner, she's like, well, like all bosses, he doesn't listen to the whole story.

He gets the first bit and he's like, fucking what you do. Exactly. And if you just looked in the goddamn thing, you would have noticed you have like, what, a half a mill at least in there. At least in these jewels, dude. So the monkey at some point around here, like runs up on the roof. Yes. And he stumbles across Eric Lourke.

who's walking Glenn Shadick's dog up on the roof here the dog smells the monkey because how could you not and proceeds to jump off the roof of this building there is like a good five seconds in this children's film

where you can only presume that a dog has plummeted You see it fall like five stories directly into this dumpster it would be dead unless it was a dumpster filled with packing peanuts otherwise this dog's dead the dog should be dead and then he should convince glens shaddicks that

the monkey is his dog no look he can go on all force too he can do that well this isn't nail this is what is that dunstan no it's nail i guess i just fed him too much he's still growing uh the monkey gives him like kissy face and walks away it kisses him it full on it does he just he saw it happen to the movie oh right yes so he starts so this little boy is making out with Dunstan on the rooftop in New York City, very romantic, sort of like the end of sleepless in Seattle. It is.

It's a beautiful hotel they got there. And so now he comes back telling his dad that he saw him. He's in trouble because he fucked up, Glenn Chenex's dog. Dog's alive. He just like has a bit like, you know, has like banana peels on his head. Covered in shit.

It's just like Fettuccini Alfredo. I think I spotted a condom on his year. That would have been funny. Used. Someone takes. I can't believe. What is this used condom doing on my poor dog? Oh, this is the one I threw out earlier.

I'd recognize my own brand of flavored condoms anywhere. Now, what is going on with this hotel? You don't think I can smell my own? This is definitely my load. He's in trouble. His dad, I think, grounds him. Again, there's a funny joke. He grounds Eric, the older brother, he's like,

You know, no more, no more little videotapes for a month and no video poker. And you, it's kind of funny, Joe, because think of something in your life. Don't do that. And it's kind of cute. Pretty great. Yeah. And so the movie's progressive. This is what basically Dunstan is on the run from Lord Rutledge. Because after the scene when he gives the money, it, it has this like weird cane with a claws on it.

This, again, this appears to be from a. different draft. No, he's a lord. Those, that's just what lords have. Oh, I see. Yeah, they have James Bond weapons. Well, I guess, I guess in reality he'd be a fake lord. Because he's a circusman. Yeah. Unless there's a count circus over there. I don't know what's going on.

I don't know. Lord circus. Oh, actually, dude, yeah. And he circuses uncle. In Great Britain, circus performers are like the highest esteemed artists. They named Piccadilly after it. That's right. that's based off of this guy

Piccadilly Circus, it's a fucking traffic circle. It was a guy that had monkeys that he would make, he'd whip them to go walk in circles and eventually the cars started doing that famously, famously he killed all the monkeys when they were done and that's what what does the whip do? What? You know, the whip and the

house and the center, what do they do? Well, you know, back in the olden days, if the politicians didn't vote the way they wanted you to, they whipped them. Yes. You've got to go back to this. So now he's running around the hotel. There's a great moment when, like, they have the first big disagreement about, like, you, you fucked up my thievery. It's like, now, where are you, Dunstan?

Get back here and he loses track of him in the room for a second. And then they, it's like Dunstan is above him and he's supposed to drop down. They are just throwing this, like, monkey stuffed animal on Rupert Everett's back. Of course. But, like, it's so obviously a stuffed animal. It's like got a backpack sewn into it. They are throwing around so many plushies in this movie. In the opening thing, when the dog, the dog is a fucking plush.

When the water, it's just a fucking toy. Yeah. No, no, that's just, that's the dog, the first dog actor died in that scene. Oh, they hollowed it out, you say, okay. I took an ice cream scoop. It better be a stuffed animal for most of the scenes, the monkey, because honestly, if I'm an actor and they're like, all right, Steve, here's your big scene with this monkey. I am shitting my pants. I'm going to look at this thing's dead eyes and be like,

now Dunstan. It is shocking and nope scenario did not occur. Exactly. Totally, dude. I mean, between all the stuff that Rupert Everett's fucking throwing at this thing. And then like, Jason Alexander, I have to say, one of the bravest actors around getting in fucking bed with this thing. Well, because that's, that's any which way you can,

any which way you but lose kind of a bit. You have to do that joke if you're doing it. So Dunstan is on the run. He winds up in the vents outside of, Jason Alexander's apartment and Eric Lloyd's like Dad, there's a gorilla in the bathroom trailer line. Sure, but

we got to stop here for a second because gross. This is I mean, there's like a good 15 seconds where we're watching this kid take a big old chunky piss. What are we doing? I was stunned by it when I thought. He is just, it's like

he wakes up like sleepy and goes into the bathroom and it's just this like it's like and the bug it's got a long dick no it's just it's like it sounds like a lot

of liquid hit in the water yeah it sounds like a helicopter taking it on that's what I meant by its big chunky piss like this piss has some weight to it speaking of the trailers did you guys watch that trailer sent around

oh the Bond one yes there was a bond spoof trailer for this golden eye version fantastic of course because golden eye came out the year before it big hit well the trailer with the monkey is great. It's

better than James Bond, sure. But the movie sucks, but the trailer was one. Better than Quantum of Solace for at least. Oh, yes, of course. To get Matthew and Malrick back in here, maybe we've got an even playing field here. It's a Bond villain with a great plan. There's an incredible fucking car chasing in that movie. It is not

good, but it is not as bad as people fucking say it. Was there any bananas? The thing at one point, Daniel Craig dude, he wakes up like, oh, another morning being James Bond and he peels a banana and just deep throat of a banana martini oh dude gross working on my gag reflex for cue he told me the problem now mr bond now mr bond on this mission you're going to need to deep throat

he always says oh is that some contact i'm going to mean no you're going to put your big fucking mouth on his big tallywacker for the queen oh well for queen and country james sorry here it comes some dude pulled out its huge hog and it's Trevelyan and it's like for England Alex no for me excellent all of that would be great

the problem with none of that I have no problem with any of that the problem with the chunky piss yes back to a child pissing the child pissing like Jason Alexander gets up is waking up for this

he tells him go fucking back to bed but he does not. What does he do? He brings in toilet ham. He brings in toilet strawberries and toilet bananas. Yeah. And I,

we can go back over the footage. I don't think I heard it. I didn't hear a flush. Oh. This ape, this orangutan comes through the vent. And is slurping up kid chunky piss. Oh my God. He's just gulping down chunky piss.

Oh, that's it. Adding another star to my letter by. That is fucking. And he is sipping it down. He's drinking kitty piss. He's drinking all the kitty piss and then eating ham near a toilet. And now this monkey's got to be like, do I have to? And then try to go in there, go in there.

Get in there. Where's the other thing about the whole the kid-pice situation, right? Is like, the way they're filming this is just a static shot from behind. And so the kids got his back to the camera. Thank God. Oh, no, I know. Oh, so no, he's taking this piss. And it's just going.

It's going and going. And he's a little kid. This is like a New Year's Day kind of a piss. You know what I mean? The biggest morning ever for chunky pisses. Exactly. A lot of people across the world are hung over. Exactly.

Of course. Champagne piss. But so he's taking this piss. It's a static shot. It's just going. And he's a little kid. So he's got his little Spider-Man like stuffed animal. Oh, yeah.

The monkey starts grabbing the Spider-Man characters. Grabbing at the doll. And this kid, he's getting jerked around. This kid is pissing all over this fucking toilet. it's got to be all over the floor. Come on, man. Not in my monkey. Dunstan will lick it clean. But we should say when he does come back with all the ham and the shit, because he wants to trap the monkey.

Very importantly, this kid's going to work for the geek squad in 15 years because he gets a little camera, puts it in the laundry basket, so he could watch his dad take a piss leave. I think he, I think this fucking child actor is working for the geek squad right now. Videotaping some not piss. but Jason Alexander's like, enough for that, go to bed everybody. And he goes to sleep and because

those Clint Eastwood movies were so successful, there needs to be a scene where someone is sleeping. And a monkey comes in and he's like, well, this must be my son. This is a funny twist on it because usually it's like, oh, it's a babe that wants to have sex with me. Here it's my loving child.

Did you know, ladies and gentlemen, that there was supposed to be. If the IODB is to be, believe, which that website's in the fucking toy. Oh, fucking. You're talking about chunky pisses. Garbage. It's the Imbi at the stage. Irredeemable. The trivia for this film. Yeah. Says that they wanted

a cameo, an in-joke cameo of Clint Eastwood to be like, I think, I think it's supposed to be the husband of Faye Dunaway maybe. Oh, okay. Or something. Like, but yeah, this is my

hotel. Oh, no. Another fucking monkey. Not again. I thought I'd rid myself of all the money. I learned how to take care of them. You burn them alive. Sure you get the orangutan down to the grill. If they won't go to sleep, just give them some beer. In what world do they think he would have ever accepted?

I just want a videotape of like the person going into Ask Clint Eastwood. Hey, would you like to be? And then the shot going off. Well, because again, if the MDBs who believed they couldn't settle on the dollar about, he was, okay, one billion dollars. Well, we were thinking like 50K? No. One billion, and then you get all of me. Then I fuck the monkey.

There's a great bit when Alexander. You want the monkey to fuck it? Sure. There's a great bit when Alexander is putting the kid back. to bed where he's like all right, you're just, you're watching too many scary things here. We're going to put a move. Oh, it's a black and white movie. It's safe. The 1933

King Kong. Look at that. But the monkey sleeps with him and then he wakes up and he's like caressing this movie. Yeah. So he's like, oh yeah, you're getting hairy, buddy, blah, blah, blah. Are you wearing your flannels? Yeah. That's what it is. Because I was like, how does he not feel this Robin Williams forearm? Like, what do you think is happening? If I'm Jason

Alexander, I'm doing the scene that would fucking take him three annexed before because I'm just like I what happens if this monkey decides to rip my face off. That's very true. He's going to shove your fucking to pay up your ass. It probably would. It probably would. And that's also confirms that the kid smells as bad as an ape. Of course.

That's my son. Nobody's saying care of the kids. Not like they're being told to shower or anything. They're barely being fed. I guarantee you they're not wiping their asses. No. They don't know how to. The mother's gone. They don't know how. You need it at some point this

me to explain that it's summer because like if not why are these kids in school? You don't know what I mean? You need to just be like, you know, you kids have been acting up all summer break. You know what I mean? Yes, you're totally right. I've never been thought of that. Are they being like being homeschooled in the fucking kitchen or something?

Yeah. No, they're going to take over the majestic after. Well, yeah, they're just they're just being educated in hospitality. Got it. That's, that's fucking it. So it's like 19, 14, it's 1815 London and then this will be their train. that they'll take over eventually.

One day, son, you can manage erratusin. So you're right about, you're right about having to take Xanax, though. Oh, yeah. Because here's the other thing. How did this, like, and I think again about like animal actors, like, are they drugging this thing? Because animals, animals are very empathic, dude. So if like Alexander isn't totally cool as a cucumber, if he's nervous, the fucking

monkey's picking up on those vibes and it's going to get fucking nasty with him. And then George Costanza gets a good. It's murdered on the set of a monkey kid movie had to make but twixt Seinfeld seasons. What they had to probably do is like, I don't know like inject it with some type of tranquilizer. Yeah.

So it's not as like active. Yeah. And then maybe like, you know, rip off its fingernails. Maybe D tooth it. See, I like, I like A, B, and C, when you start going to D, I'm a little. Yeah. Well, you know, otherwise monkeys D's going into you, my friend.

Oh, that's shit. That's just how it works. that's every time safe than sorry sure so we the monkey is fucking running around the hotel because it gets out of the apartment or whatever so Jace Alexander never sees it that's like the gag right

sort of Mark's brother Z in a way but so then the boys are like all right we got to go find Dunstan blah blah blah and this man there is I mean this is for the fucking babysitters in the crowd because here comes this fucking shit break garbage older brother

and they have to do a thing where he's got to go down the laundry shoot for some reason. Mission Impossible style. Yeah. And he's like very nervous about it and whatever. And he says to the Eric Lloyd's character he's like, if anything happens to me. Yes. There are some magazines under my mattress that I need you to throw out for me.

It's just an amazing thought to me that like to be a kid and be like my father having one, learned of my death is going to find my porno mags and be like, well, it's good. He died. No, I mean, fucking goddamn. It would be a, like, very somber day. No one wants to bury their own child. If you had to do that, awful experience. Terrible. But if you got a little porno out of it on the back end. Sure. Oh, la la. A little strawberry on the Sunday, you're saying. Maybe you're like, you know, my son knew I was, you know, after.

after his mother died, that he left me this porno or to start looking at it. My own teenage son bequeathed me his porn doctor. I guess you're right. Brian's being a little bit selfish here for telling me to get rid of it. Chris, it might not,

it might be pretty good porno. Okay. Or alternate direction. Yeah. All the magazines under my bed. Yep. Before I die, yada,

the kid is dead. He dies. Falls to his death in a fucking laundry shoe. He dies. Jason Alexander is so devastated. it's cleaning out the kids room he's like I don't know what I could do the Turner Diaries what is all this

soldier of fortune Ted Turner wrote a book yeah I mean in that situation man it is much preferable to find pornography opens up the closet there's a big pit up of Timothy McVeigh

101 ways to get fucking fertilizer without being put on a list and the anarchist cookbook Not the silly version. Specifically in build letters. Not the silly version.

So it's like he, the monkey surprises the little kid and he drops his brother and his brother. It's kind of funny how long this takes. It's a good fall. And it's a lot of like people on various floors at the hotel like, hello, that sounds like a kid falling.

Anybody just falls into a laundry basket. And then Lord Rutlandlis shows up and everybody jumps into the laundry basket as well. We are now, we are face-firsting down this laundry shoot with this monkey Break your fucking neck Dude totally

They come out the other side of it This kid lands on his ass I don't think so There's no way to fucking turn around Inside that thing Do you think they were like The monkey climbed over him And changed their positions

Oh wow I mean that dude We need some CGI monkeys Serving on Eric Lloyd As it goes down Yes That has to be a thing right Is there a movie out there

And folks at home let us know Is there a movie out there they're in where a monkey serves on a man's back. Ooh. You know, down a slope or down a laundry shoot or a slippery hallway. A gorilla's in the mist. Scorny Weaver picture. She's a phenomenal in it. She's very good

in that movie. I forgot that scene. The next sequence is the health club. I don't know. Whatever happens in between, who cares? We got to, oh, yeah, now we're going to various parts of the hotel. This song was in so many kids' bullshit movie. Like, half a gun man.

Half a gun man. Yeah, have fun, go mad is what they're saying. Have fun. Living in a shat. Yes, that's right. Yeah, and this is when. Yes, it is. I'm going to look it up while you talk.

Big old Glenn Shadex is exercising, which is hilarious. But I mean, he's selling it. You know, he's having fun. He's really, he's doing like a jazzercise type routine at one point. Shallow Hal hadn't come out yet. We were still safe for a minute here. But Dunstan. And here's the thing, Dunstan, you don't want to be.

cat burglar good be a force for good don't be a force for chaos no he uh grabs the pin on the on the wades and the shadex goes flying you know that's he winds up and this is like we see mrs delacroy again the horny old lady sure she's getting a massage and she's on a sex vacation oh yeah yeah because she looks sex tourism yeah when she when she sees rutledge early in the movie he's like oh and went around mr delacro he's like i left him at home ha ha ha and she's like oh come come to my room anytime anytime anytime any time any time dude day or night and now this fucking mousseous this male masseuse she's just like hey i'm having a really tough time if you know it like she is trying to like slip this kid at 20 this is the start of a porno scene yeah she's trying to slip this kid at 20 to really

get it going yeah totally by the way i looked up because i did shazam it yesterday the song indeed have fun go mad by blair ah that's blair underwood no just oh Blair. Tony Blair. Oh. Oh, yes. No, we should just bomb the hotel. He killed the monkey that way. Mayer short-lived Britpop era. I was touring with Blair.

It's kind of funny speaking of this male masseuse, dude. He looks exactly like the guy who plays the male masseuse in the Seinfeld episode where George gets the massage. It moved. Yes. It moved indeed. But so he's like, you know, just giving this lady He's like, I guess I have to have sex This woman or else I'm going to lose my job

Such is the life of me He looks pretty into it I got to say Because doesn't he say I'm going to go get the special Oursonny oil, dude Yeah, that's cool I have a condom in my bag that I've been waiting It warms cold areas, don't you know

But here come because somebody needed this scene I don't know who did This is to make me I want it This is to wake up the dad's in the crowd that took the parent or took the kids to see the movie. And it's like, oh, Mrs. Delacroche. Oh, and this guy, huh? Oh, wow. Now we're talking.

He's getting a special oil. Yeah. What's that monkey doing? Oh, no. Back to sleep. Dad goes. Oh, Dunston. Oh, Justin.

Fucking works her tushy, man. Like a fucking like pizza dough or something. 50 shades of ape. Dude. He's specking this chick. It is one of the most erotic things It's this in disclosure Yes, yes

And like because she cannot feel the difference Between this dude's four hands And a monkey literally crawling with all four appendages And he starts spanking her ass And she's like, oh, more William, more You'd pass out from pain A monkey smack in your ass Yeah, because like, you know

You slap an ass You know, you know how hard You can be slapping that ass This monkey is hitting this old lady's ass The same strength he uses to break a coconut So you're saying this monkey can slap an old lady's ass Harder than me Absolutely

This sounds like a fox special in the making Man versus Animal again Coming up after the game Yeah, we got a weird podcaster's gonna smack an old lady's ass And see if he can do it harder than a monkey who will also be on stage slapping another lady's ass It's called Spankmatron

It's here on Fox And we can't wait for you to see it I love this idea You know People want to see man versus ape In various feats of street It's true It's spanking is one of them

It's spanking We had that television special Around this time Yeah All that stuff I was saying About Fox wasn't a joke Fox had a special In the late 90s

called Man versus Animal Or something like that And the monkey would touch the butts? No, it was like, can a human being out swim, whatever the fuck. Yeah, okay. Outrun a cheetah. Outrun a cheetah. That kind of shit. Well, no, obviously, but spanking. I don't know. Can a man named bear actually maul a bear? And it turned out he couldn't. All right. Coming up. Yeah, we're going to find out. Uh, man. Can, uh, can a monkey dom a woman better than a man? We're going to find out. Uh, that's all. No,

Everybody's always wondered, we're going to answer it tonight on Fox. The Fox lineup used to be provocative. It used to be a little sexy. It used to be funny. Now it's just sort of saccharine shit. It was ahead of its time, Eric, because you know what happened? They were the, I think they're the ones who did the Generation X movie. They did, yes.

The first fucking X-Men movie. So that had an ape spanking some ass. It did indeed. It was a beast, dude. It was really going to. The chamber was watching. That's got to exist. Beast fucking.

probably seen that on the internet. That's on degenerate art. I have not. You haven't seen Beast? I'm not. Just guy dressed in blue with hair. I've watched Kelsey Gramer get a blowjob. Is that got where where is something that fit? Close your eyes. Saydak. Stop watching

Kelsey Gramer get a blow job from you. And keep giving Kelsey Gras. Well that's the problem is on porn hub it is under Beastmaster. That's the problem. But so something something Dunstan has Glenn Shadick's glasses. He leaves

them on Mrs. Delacroche and she leaves and she's like, oh, man, she's, ready to burst, by the way. She almost kills the guy. She's really into it. This is like, it's the ultimate edge. Yeah, then she'll like squirt and kill the guy.

That exactly, Eric. The fucking firehouse and UHF or something. Yeah. Eric, of course. What else would be happening? All right, good. Just the same page. All right. So, but Glenn Shadix comes to like, oh, my glasses picks it up off of her. She looks Glenn Shadegh's old-fashioned

pervert and the slap in the face. And also isn't this because at this point Mrs. Delacroche is getting that's not Delacroche. I'm conflating. Done away, right? No. No, Delacroche gets, the young guy comes back in after Dunstan leaves and the young guy is taken down as if he was about to be, you know. Yeah, they're fucking in the second till the spa closes.

At the same time, Glenn Shaddix is going into another place that Dunstan's like eating the cream. Yes. Because it's a spa. So they're getting like a, you know, there's cut capricles with cucumber masks. And then he takes the glasses, puts it on this lady's chest. That's right. Glenn Shaddix comes in is like, oh, wait, just innocent old me in this lady's place. So they think he was licking her face.

Yeah, because the monkey licks her fucking face. Now can a monkey lick a face better than a man? I'm going to find out that on Fox Look, if we're getting a pitch deck together We are getting a pitch deck together This is a great idea Here's the weird thing though

Is the monkey Takes the cucumber slice Off for eyeball If I'm doing that And I've been in you know Pampered situations where that's on there A little rich part Nah, not really

A little pampered boy Well you know I know how to take care of myself That's true Let me just look at me No, but, you know, if someone took that off, I'm opening my eyes, you know what I mean? You're never that fucking relaxed that if a cucumber slice comes off your eyeball, you're not waking up, you know. So that's kind of dumb. But I do, there's something about that old-fashioned three stooges-esque.

Yeah, it's very funny. I do think this movie is calling back to a lot of that kind of stuff with the hotel, with the cake, with the whole bit. something something Jason Alexander's now giving a meeting to these older ladies who are drinking scotch Oh God This is a thing that could just be deleted

From the movie It's fine But it just He does see the monkey In the greenhouse behind these old ladies Yeah And he gives that a holy shit It's a really great thing

Where I was like Oh because I know him From broadcast television I'm not used to Jason Alexander Using profanity Yes That got a huge Probably the biggest laugh

Of the movie Him saying holy shit because this is he finally sees the monkey for the first time. And this is when they hire Paul Rubens as the exterminator to come and find us. Six-star pervert.

Buck Lafarge. Buck Lafarge animal control. He has six-star pervert. You know what? At this day and age, I know, fucking whacking it in a place where everybody's whacking it.

I think it's, you ain't no pervert. It only makes me respect to more. Yeah. If you get upset if somebody eats food at a restaurant? No, that's what that place is served for. Fred Willard,

no one talks about him. spanking his monkey anymore. Fred Willard was at the age where he could pull he pulled the old I was just confused old man. Yeah. Right. Paul Rubens was like 40. A confused young man. Well, yeah. Also, isn't Fred Willard dead and Paul Rubens is

alive and Willie, yeah. Well, Paul Rubber That's why they don't talk about is jerking off. Well, he lived for several years after he was jerking off. Yeah, but we, you know, whenever you talk about Paul Rubin's, it comes up, whenever you talk about Fred Willard, it doesn't is my point. Paul Rubin's is fucking a great performer. Pee-Herman

was a great iconic character. He's done a lot of great work. This not exactly included, but it's he does. He adds a lot to this film. He puts his whole ass into this. That's all I ask of these people. And they're all like Fade Dunway and him and they give flavor to this thing that is otherwise fucking drecked. Like him just telling the story about like, oh, like, tell, like Jason Alexander's like, how did it get in the hotel? And he's like, the sewers. Oh, yeah. I've seen a, what was it? I've seen a turtle the size of a Buick of Volkswagen. A box wagon.

A box wagon. A little tail. And it's pretty rad because he's doing a voice like it's a full on character that he's doing. It is, it is not Paul Rubin.

You know him. No, no. And it's not peewee. It's something else and it's great. He's got a caddy shack-esque like a thing of weapons.

Yes. Yes. Totally. You have an orangutan problem, Mr. Grant. That's the voice he's kind of doing. It's fucking awesome.

He goes into the, he goes into the greenhouse. He fights with Dunstan. Dunstan gets glass in his hand and runs away. And now Eric Lloyd, could you imagine being, I mean, in the reality of the movie, this little kid is going to, you try and pull a glass out of a monkey's hand with your little kid hand. Eric, he would grab your hand and turn it into dust. But Eric Lloyd is, Eric Lloyd is very smart here. Yeah. Because he doesn't do that. He brings it to his shitty brother. That's like shitty brother. Why don't you mess with. this orangutan and see what happens when you pull the glass out of his paw. The brother's doing like

the glass pole and cleaning it with the alcohol and whatnot but I think actually the little kid has the more dangerous gig because like Dunstan kind of fidgets and the older brother's like hey Kyle you know you gotta distract him man while I do this and he's like all right

yeah well I'll just I'll do what mom used to do for and he starts like he puts his face like right next to this monkey's face and he starts singing this monkey while the brother is pulling a huge shard of glass out of this monkey's palm like there's no way this kid's coming back with a face he's singing this low by he knows that this ape is a Beatles man he should have just done by you're a little blackbird it's fine

you know what the next uh fun bit at the hotel cordel oh yeah totally oh yeah I'm gonna rip my face off cordial oh I heard this was a hotel that's a friendly to face rubber monkey oh yeah I've brought up all these pigs so that I could get revenge on Dunstan. Dr. Dunstan, won't you join me at my pig farm in Italy?

I would love this. This is a great idea. Dunstan's going to meet an old friend for dinner, puts a hat on, and the face along with it. And now we're all leading up to like the grand crystal ball is going to happen, and that's the urgency here. They do, yeah, they check.

Dunston is checked in at this point. Because it's a real fucking flip out here Because the whole thing with like Trying to find him in the greenhouse Causes a bunch of whatever So it's like you boys You need to get this fucking monkey out of here And how do they do that is

Well they book a room for him on the computer So he doesn't he doesn't make the reservation But he goes and checks in Dress like a Ninja Turtle With like a hat and a coat In a wheelchair or something You know what's hilarious because we watched the episode Last night

Actually when earlier in the afternoon I'd watch this movie but the episode of The Simpsons where they do the flash forward and Lisa gets married and Krusty comes to the wedding and he's in a wheelchair and he's like his face is gray

and he's got the hat on and the blanket that's what Dunstan looks like when they dress him up or whatever and I'm sorry there's a lady that looks at this fucking monkey and like oh well the nice old man or whatever I'm like no no this is clearly a monkey wearing a hat

and has a scarf over his lap you know look if you're in the city you gotta let that stuff go man if somebody's wheeling around a monkey. Someone's going to be fucking that monkey later. I hope they have a wonderful time. You actually just reminded me, dude,

that shit does happen. There was a time I was at Film Forum. I was watching the umbrellas of Sherborg. It was a beautiful experience. It was like a decently packed theater. And a guy comes in like 10 minutes late, which I was pissed off about because film form supposedly has a fucking no late seating palsy.

Anyway. No such thing is that false. No, it's fucking fake. So anyway, this dude comes in. He kind of sits towards the front a little bit. and he's got like a loose windbreaker on and I just I noticed it because like you see a fucking 90s

windbreaker like that it's like feeding rats pellets from his pocket see you're making a joke here and you're so close you're so fucking close so you're so fucking close so like 45 minutes into this movie I just notice the chest

his chest is moving sure I'm like why is this dude's John Hurt Bailey what is happening and he he unzips the windbreaker and reaches inside and just pulls out this little puppy. Come on.

And then him and the puppy are watching the rest of the movie. That's unforgiving. You should have walked up there and punted that dog. Punted the guy. Take the dog home. Put the dog in your jacket. Asshole. Yeah. Well.

It was so fucking funny. What are you? A little rascal bringing a puppy to a movie? You're an adult man too, please. How old was this person? Oh, like. me or maybe a little older. I would forget. Old enough

to know you don't sneak a dog into a movie theater. If it was a Fred Willard age, he was a confused old man and that makes sense. Oh, that's true. It's just that a movie for puppies. I'm barely of sure. He's not going to understand half that shit. Bring him to donkey skin. You get that one. Yeah, he'd get that. There's animals.

So he's in the grand suite. There's a lot of fun. We're having a fucking blast in here. Ordering room service? Banana splits. Banana that. bananas, et cetera, et cetera. Which is what exposes them because Lord Rutchlitz has like a computer code. He's got the same computer system.

This computer is hacktastic. Everybody's hacking in this movie. We are hacked the planet. He searches banana and was able to find the room that ordered the most bananas. Let me hack into this hotel's computer system. Okay. Logging name hotel. Okay.

Oh, that worked. Password. Hotel. Oh, wow, it worked. All right. Now I have access to everything in this. If that didn't work, I would, I would have typed in password for password. Or maybe hotels.

This is just first generation stuff, but this is easy. So now search for banana pad tie. Banana sandwich with extra ham. Okay, this is dunce. It's either the monkey or fucking Elvis is back from the dead and in this hotel room. Either way, I'm taking them. He winds up tying up little Eric Lloyd's gears. It's right.

I'm an evil man. He ties him out. company. He takes Dunstan. This is whilst the grand ball is happening. There's a lot of money on the line. There's so many Jewel's that you got from Dunstan. This little kid knows exactly who you are. He knows too much.

You have to slit him from ear to ear. A perfect slip. Cross his neck. And you have to do it that way, dude, because as we've learned in the universe of this movie, falling eight stories into a dumpster will not kill it. Oh, you know, just perfect way to cover it up. I just figured out how to kill this kid. Okay.

You break his neck And then you throw him down the laundry chute He's been known to jump down the laundry shoot Because he's a dumb fucking kid I heard something about him Wanted to go another ride or something Or no, even better You break his neck

Real quick Yeah, that's a gimmick But then you cut his face off And you rip it up And then you're like, oh that monkey You saw him hanging around that monkey Oh my God You got this shot of Lord Rutledge

Just cutting this kid's face Off and pulling off the face Well, I trained them, but you can only train them so well. Eventually. To see you at the gas chamber, Dunstan, you're going to jail. They're going to put you down for killing your best friend. I would absolutely go to that execution, be in the viewing gallery. Sure.

Watch Dunstan not know what's happening and just fucking laughing and enjoying that final banana. Executing a person, executing a sentient being and it doesn't know what happens then. What is Dunson being fucking checked out in Texas? Absolutely. Do you have anything to say, Dunstan? You shouldn't kill that little boy, Dunstan. You're going to hell to that. You shouldn't have killed that little boy, Dunstan.

Yeah, you can laugh with the devil tonight, Dustin. What you did to do that boy? Just stop hanging. Stop hanging from the light. You're getting in the chair. Hang him from the ladder. Oh, yeah, they can't even get him in the electric chair. He's munking around.

It's an electric chair and gas chamber, double combo. You know, we couldn't get out of there, Jerry. We're just going to turn the gas on. We can't get him locked into this chair. Come on, we've got a lot to do today. We've got to fucking fry that sub-bitch Ernest next. Oh, dude, yeah, Ernest was somebody that probably fell victim to fucking. You shouldn't have cared stupid, Ernest.

You shouldn't have scared stupid, all right? That little girl dead. you should have just stayed at camp should have stayed at camp Ernest weren't killing girls back then were you? Wasn't a slam duck, was it? We're not going to bring up

the time you went to Africa. We're going to walk away from that one. Ernest, yeah, you wanted to ride again. Well, now you're going to ride straight into hell, young man. Try to save Christmas now, you son of a bitch. Hey, Vern, I'm getting juiced. Hey, Vern, is there anything after this?

Hey, Vern, is that the smelling? This is that the smell of burning human flesh? Ew. Hey, Vern, tell me about the rabbits. Oh, yeah. And that's the first time Vern speaks. So whatever, it's the big ball. Obviously, things are going to go haywire.

There is a scene where Glenn Shaddix and Paul Rubens are talking to each other. And I was like, they definitely had to have met at Tim Burton's birthday party, right? Oh, yeah. Absolutely. I think they made this score during Danny Elfman's birthday. They're just like, oh, what's the shit he throws in his garbage after he's done?

Okay, let's get that. Let's get that going. Hey, boys, the tuna can of paste are fantastic. Thanks, Martin Landau. I like that. Tim, you're all out of light beer. Helena Bonham Carter. What's that sugar bump? She only got light beer.

Dude, you know, I was just waiting until they cut the freaking cake already because I got to get out of here. Miller High Life, you're my number one beer tonight. Nah, gnat. Yeah, cack, ghat. Dude, you know what? It's a, it's a 25-minute short animated thing. Yeah. Tim Burton's birthday party.

Absolutely. Let's get it going. That's fucking great. We are available. It's to Burton's birthday party. What could be so right? You know, that's right. It's crazy.

Not one of Johnny Depp's characters. Not a single one. It's a very weird. They just disappeared into the ether. Yeah, that's a side project called Tim Burton's birthday party, colon, the invitation. Wait, so Tim Blake Nelson, you played Ed Wood? Yeah.

Yes, I did. Yeah, yeah. That's right. This is the one I'm going to be remembered for. Yeah, it's a line from Ed Wood. Oh, yeah. I kissed Sarah Jessica Parker. It was great.

I liked to wear women's clothing. It was, yeah, I tangled with the headless horseman. So Paul Rubens has a dog at this crystal ball. Yeah, it's just, you know, another fucking animal to have hijinks. It starts fucking slobbing Jason Alexander's knob in one. Yes, he's very interested. Full on blow job, for sure. Yeah, full on dog.

Here's a totally unbelievable thing. like it's you know around this whole situation ever there's one point where rupert ever it is gonna get dunstan again i think it's up in the suite so i'm kind of going back here but it's bullshit because he's like you're gonna be joining your brother soon dunstan and this fucking monkey i know you're gonna say jumps on this dude's shoulders and bites his ear yeah how is that ear still attached to that head no no no blood at all nothing nothing no consequence to this bite well it's like it's like it's like a lover's nibble it's not really a full bite down. Of course

somewhere around here, if you haven't figured it out already, there's some sort of because it's when Shadix and Rubens are talking. I think Glenn Shadick says something that lets you believe he's the guy. It's confirmed to be the LeMond guy or whatever. And you have this fucking

amazing Paul Rubin's move right. And I wondered if this was a bit of an off-the-cuff thing because he's standing around and a waiter comes up with a tray of champagne flutes. And he's like, Champagne. Is it free? And the guy's like, uh, yeah. And he takes two glasses. Oh, man. Love that. Fucking awesome. Tim, this kid is drinking you at a house at home. Jeez, I'm just so glad everybody

showed up for my birthday party. It's so fantastic. And Nick Cage, I'm sorry we couldn't get soups off the ground, buddy, but that was a really sweet bottle of schnapps you brought me. That's really great. You know, I appreciate you guys all bringing your little dogs and making them up like Frankenweening. It's a cute thing. I really do it. I'm a dog lover at heart.

Oh, man. Shake, shake, shakes. Oh, totally. That's on the soundtrack. Yeah, Winona's probably showing up. Hey, Tim, where can I put down your presents? It's me, Alec Baldwin, and Tim Burton's birthday party.

Tim, are we going to watch humans said to Pete later? As we all know, it's my. favorite movie. It's like this big, almost like a lunitude's cartoon. Like, you know what I mean? Everyone's a big caricature walking by. Yeah, absolutely.

It's birthday party. And he's just standing there, like, it's like a receiving line, right? On your way, with the party. It's coming. It's okay that I'm not Superman. Nick Cage here. Because you're the real Superman tonight, Tim. Or isn't he? He's a jolly good fellow.

Purple Rain. Hey Timbrough Hey man It's been forever Oh man We've made the best version Of the apes didn't we? Who would I specifically said

No one from that movie I'm sorry man I know I got the one single invite And he fucking heard me talking about He wouldn't shut up You know it was a big mistake I had Michael Clark Duncan's ashes In the car with me

And they spilled all over the place You screwed the pooch You were supposed to bring Michael Clark Duncan to the party. Your best friend, Michael Clark Duncan? Do you think they spoke outside of making them? No, I do not. No, no. Hey, Tim, bro, I got you a present.

It's a full-scale model of my Abraham Lincoln Memorial. I think about that production fondly, don't you? Oh, delightful. So not delightful, the ending of Dunstan. At this point, like, Jason Alexander, to be a good dad is like, you tied out. He's kind of this amazing thing. Like, it would bother me, too, if some man tied up my son and left him for dead in a bathtub. He was freed by Dunstan.

Yeah, but he finds out that he was tied up his kid. So now Alexander's pissed and they go in the kitchen and they have a fight. See that lasts a little bit of a little bit. Yeah. Oh, totally. It lasts way too long. Yeah. There's also just some stray thing.

to let you know that it's the 90s. It's like, I cannot believe someone's wearing fur. And some lady has just photos of dying animals she's passing around. Oh, that's in such trouble. I'm trying to do some high society stuff. I guess I guess it is trying to give it to the rich, but it just seems weird now. There's also like, I think

is a little kid who who runs a fellow that Texas guys like, you look at my wife's Paul, whatever. It's Paul Rubin. Oh, that's right. Because he's looking for Dunstan and he's. Allie Pameas. Yeah. I'm looking for the Pongo Pigmeas

If you take another look at my wife's Panglipayish I'm gonna I forget what he says Where's your vote five jolly My notes folks at home are not good I'm gonna break you in half Yeah that's right

I was like I'm gonna brick you in a hat Nope I'm gonna break you in half That's what I'm Hey Tim That Rubin guys Look at my wife's Pongo pig mayas

Hey, peewee Yeah, if you look at my wife's Pongo pig maelish one more time, you're going to have a big adventure straight to hell. But, Jack, it's a party, you know? Hey, we're all looking at your wife's pongo pig maelas, man. Don't worry, Jake. Okay, I just, where's the most local movie theater? Oh, I'll be back in 15 minutes.

What's playing? It doesn't matter. I just need the dark. Cats, I'll make it work. Just make sure, just dim the lights, please. Oh, yeah, when you're the dude at the porno theater calling for the lights to be turned out, the movie's on.

Maria Minutos is done. Oh, dude, when Maria Menudas is done, so is he. I'm Maria Minuto, and thanks for watching another edition of Spanktrivision. Enjoy the movie. Whatever. they fight each other. It's a big old yeah. We're doing a, he's

got his big evel doer came and Jason Alexander has this huge whisk. Yeah. And it's kind of some funny folly stuff here because we're doing a fake sword fight, but it is like clanging like you're watching Camelot or something. And he's wiggling. He's doing the whole thing. It's like, again, they're putting

their effort into it. Yeah, Dunstan eventually gets onto the chandelier and then Paul Rubin's trying to like train him or whatever. It'll shoot him. Dunaway. It's like, I want him dead. Yes. In the middle of this fucking party.

Also, like, all right, so you're not going to get your sixth star. I get it. That's a, that's a drag. Sure. I do think shooting a monkey in the head in the middle of your ballroom, you might actually get some bad publicity for your hotel. I was to say, what is this? A temple of doom theme?

Dinner here. So, honey, we've got the big New York trip. It's our honeymoon. You always wanted to see New York. We can go to the plaza. Oh, or that hotel where that monkey was shot. I mean, it was a show. I give it that.

It was a show. New York Post would have a field day. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So, yeah, so he, the kitchen fight continues or whatever. And Dunston jumps on Fay Dunaway and mounts her on top of this cake. It's like a fucking position.

Dude, yeah. She falls ass first into this huge mountain of a cake. You're fired. Do you think, whatever lice got in, because she was still next to this, monkey got into her brain and just kind of fucked it up.

And from then on, it was setting up that moment at the Oscars. It was all. It all led to that night. I think you're right. Yeah. Finally popped. That one last vice popped. Yep.

That's exactly. She happened to be on stage that night of the Oscars. And the Dunstan checks in lice were just like, and like that one last connected tissue in her brain that had been chomping away at for 25 years. And then the card looked like it said Lala Land at that point. That's where she was. Came this close to saying Hacksaw Ridge. Oh, hi, Tim.

Yes, Amy Adams here. Thanks so much for the invitation. But nobody remembers the fact that we did that movie, Big Guys Together. So no, no invitation for me. Sorry, bye. Oh, I'm busy. Hey, Tim, I think you got Anthony Michael Hall in the hallway.

We let him it. Yes, everyone forgets you. He was the bully. Let him in. Come on. It's my birthday party. right, come on in, weirdo. Oh, Samuel Jack. Oh, I directed

Mrs. Peregrine, didn't I? I did that, didn't I? God damn. Oh, man. Yeah, that's where Ava Green. Oh, yeah. Oh, hello, Tim. Yeah, I'm going to your birthday party. There's a lot of scumbags here. Oh, I'm much more attractive than all you. Myself, hello, a bottom carter, with all the rider. A lot of pale women with big boobies, Steve.

I think I found the thing. Yeah, who else? Oh, yeah, Christina Ritchie. Christina Ritchie. Absolutely, another one in that category. Lisa Marie wouldn't be there, that's for sure. Well, to be fair, right. Christina Ritchie, what movie was it?

Sleepy Hollow. It's got it. Yeah, yeah. And now I believe she's also on the Wednesday show. that he directed. Yes. He's got a role. My mind thought

Adam's family, but that would be he did not do. That's why I thought So yeah, you know, whatever. Faye Dunaway's in this cake.

She's out for the count. She fires Jason Alexander. To which he replies by throwing cake in her face and that's doing it for somebody. Good for you. Oh my God, it's Casper Vanee.

I thought you were lost. Casper, come here. I never thought he. show. Why is Jack Palin stuck work in the door? You know, that's what I hate about. Going to parties at Tim Burton's house. Because he always gives you a job to do.

I walk in and for two seconds, he goes, oh, hey Jack, would you mind watching the door? Thanks a lot. Hi, it's Christopher Walken here. I played the headless horseman. Yeah, I'm sitting here at Tim Burton's birthday. party watching the chip bowl for when it inevitably runs out of chips. You don't remember me from

Sleepy Hollow? Let me do a little impression. Oh, yes. Got you were in that. That's amazing. Hey, Tim, Matthew Broderick here. The coat closet's getting a little full in here. If I could just possibly. I wasn't. No, no. I know it was a deed in bars attacks if anyone was wondering. You're good. You're staying there with Jack Black. ah louis guzman what are you doing here oh the netflix thing

the netflix thing i forgot oh speaking of the netflix thing katherine zeta jones got the best job at the party she's working over here at the cd player oh man so you know what he gets fucking fired from the hotel he doesn't give a shit yes and it looks like they're going to have to move out and this is like the little end of the movie is in comes Mr. whatever the fuck. Dumont.

Mr. Drouh. Mr. Durow, whatever, the Monopoly guy. And he's got this bodacious babe on his arm and it's like, oh, Jason Alexander, actually, I know my wife's a piece of shit. So you can have this job

opening this new hotel in Fiji that we have. Well, he wants him to stay, but the whole, yes, you're right. He wants him to stay at this one, but the whole thing is like, well, I have this thing. You know this monkey who ruined my life? I have to adopt him. So why don't we go to a place where I can adopt a monkey and it doesn't look weird. So Bali it is. Exactly. And my kids will get a perfectly good continuing their education in Bali, I guess. Yep. A new home school. Whenever it is

school starts back up for these little rascals. Yeah. So and then just the end of it is there in Bali running this hotel and there's poor fucking Glenn Shadick here to review this hotel and the end of the movie is this monkey dropping a coconut on his face and that's at least a broken nose. She's dropping a whole

coconut fucking 16 feet here. You could probably kill someone with that. Absolutely. I mean it's definitely you were talking a concussion more than likely I think but here's the thing and Eric brought this up and we were talking about this earlier. Before the coconut we are confirmed Dunstan's Dick works

Oh, sure. He has a family now. Yes, he is a lady Dunstan. Fully loaded. Wild child Dunstan. That's right. All that monkey's per- He never pulls out. That's for sure. Hey, Tim. Yeah, yeah, no, thanks for picking up the phone. It's me, Jeffrey Jones. I know that an invitation to Tim Burton's birthday party wasn't extended to me, but just...

You got 20 seconds. All right, I'll make it quick. Just, uh, just tell the old guy. Dang, I said hi. 14 seconds. Hey, it's not that pervert on the phone? What did I tell you, pervert? Yeah, stop calling Tim Burton's house. You got to be a pretty big pervert to be actually never being invited to him.

Tim Burton's house. Go back and talk to your best friend, Sinbad. You and him can hang out all day. I don't want a sidle Sinbad with Jeffrey Jones. That's, I mean, this is what you get for hanging. out and house guest. I guess that's true. Yeah, so that's the end of the movie, man.

Yeah. We did it. We'll go around here. Final thoughts and recommendations. Chris Cabin. I mean, it is not a good movie, but I have to give it some, like, a recommendation. Just because I watched this so much when I was a kid, this was my monkey movie of my own person.

I thought this was pretty funny. And like, too, I mean, like I've been saying this whole time, everybody on the sideline, is doing great. Faye Dunaway did not have to put half the energy. She puts into this performance at all and she would have been fine but she does and I give it some credit for that

even though it is a horrible movie. I will say that I was actually shocked at the fact that I didn't hate this movie. It is that kind of like rarefied family film we don't see too much these days. It's a little crasser than your average thing now.

You know, we didn't talk about it but there is a part where like Paul Rubin's pulls a fucking rifle on Eric Lloyd which is really funny. You know, there's a lot of stuff going on there. But yet to the performances, I mean, that's what's, it's kind of an interesting thing.

Because like, you know, it's a bunch of character actors really doing it, which is kind of cool. I just, I can't go in for fucking this much animal acting because I don't care what fucking little label is slapped on the credits.

I can't believe that that monkey was having a good time. So that's me. Steve Sadek. Yeah. It's not a recommend for me. I'm not the world's biggest monkey movie fanatic. I'm having a great month so far. You're in the wrong month, my friend.

Well, it's one in one, right? We already recorded Planet of the Age. We love movies and now Dunstan checks in, so you're at an even board here. Yes. But no, I do agree with Chris. There is, the supporting cast is fun to watch. I love watching Glenn Shadix.

I do love watching Paul Rubens when he pops up and stuff. Faye Dunaway is doing a great job. And Jason Alexander's doing his best. it is unfortunate that that guy's career went the way it did when Julia Louis Dreyfus was able to sort of slither out of it

because I think Elaine was a little less recognizable as a character Do you know what it means? It was less cartoony character Exactly. She was hilarious on that show but it wasn't like she had the glasses and she had the thing

and like the way of speaking she was just sort of like and then she was able to move on with stuff. Anyways, long story short, it's not a record. Eric Siska, help us check out of this episode. Okay. Yes. Yes. We will check out. It's not a recommend for me. I agree with everything you guys are saying. The side performances are very good. Disgusting shit boy. It's a lot. It's a bit much. Disgusting shit brother as well. Yeah. So it's not for me, but I understand everything you guys are saying. There we go, folks. So that is going to do it for this episode on Dunstan checks in. Now, of course, we are just getting to the start of April here, folks.

over on Patreon, patreon.com slash we hate movies. There's a We Love Movies episode all about the 1968 Planet of the Apes, not to be confused with the Tim Burton Planet of the Apes. Already did that one. Yeah, it's pretty bad. So that's coming out on the feed. What else we got going on Patreon watch this month? Animation, damnation.

We were doing Doggy Kong Country. Oh, that was rough. I did not know existed. It's a wild episode. We recorded that already. It is a crazy one. It is a ridiculous episode of a very, bad cartoon. On the Gleap

glossary, we're talking, I don't know, the closest thing I could find to a fucking ape right now. We've already done so many of the ape one type of things. We're doing Wicitt, the EWalk on Gleap Glossary. I was shocked that there weren't more monkeys in Star Wars, but it is, it was a

great episode. Chubacca. And we've done both. We did both. But we are also doing a once in a lifetime episode because it is April. We do this every other month. That's right. Where we cover, it's expanded to just being like TV movies. So we're going to do a TV movie on that feed. Spie made is it? It is spy mate. Now this is when a monkey

becomes a spy. Yes, right? Emma Robber's as well. Emma Robba Deepcast, right? Yes, yeah. I thought you were still looking at it. No, it doesn't matter. We'll find it later. Unfortunately, no fucking monkey business on 9-0-210 or Melrose place, but we will be... Brandon. Oh, yeah, he's a little bit of a fucking pro-magdin man Yeah, that's true. Elephant, I forgot I got coconuts in my pan. Actually, both of those shows come with

fucking built-in ape characters. I'm gonna throw my turn. And also, if you want non-Ape content, the Nexus will chug along with the latest episode we will be covering on TOS and TNG. That's right. Back to the regularly scheduled programming on the Nexus. Now, April, as it stands,

continues here on the main feet, of course, Steve. What monkey business are we getting up to next week? It's getting a little spooky here. we're talking about monkey shine hell yeah dude georgee ramero's monkey shines never seen this one i never saw this one i'm looking forward to it very much it's kind of like all a lot of the stuff that we were hoping happened in this movie

happens in that way i like that including uh what's his name from mad about you cousin ira cousin ire a major role in this movie i like where we're going yeah dude so until next week with georgee ramero's monkey shines i've been andrewing stephen say that Eric's sister. Chris Cabin. Take it easy.