We Hate Movies - S13 Ep676: The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift

Episode Date: May 23, 2023

On this week’s episode, the guys are talking about a movie that originally took place in 2006, but now thanks to useless retconning is supposed to take place around 2013, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift! How dare they use “Bawitaba” in its entirety like this? Should Kid Rock take his own advice to get in the pit and try to love someone? And how was it that Steve wound up seeing Kid Rock live in concert? PLUS: Jesse Ventura gets drafted to go fight aliens around Jupiter and stops off at the moon base Hudson News! The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift stars Lucas Black, Sung Kang, Brian Tee, Nathalie Kelley, Brian Goodman, Bow Wow, and the legendary Sonny Chiba as Uncle Kamata; directed by Justin Lin. Check out the WHM Merch Store featuring new KONG, DILF Den, Grab-Ass & Cancer & SW Crispy Critters designs! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/whm and get on your way to being your best self. Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This week on the program, is it 2006 or 2013? Either way, we're talking Fast and Furious Tokyo Drift. I'm Andrew Jupin. I am never had a driver's license. King, Steven Seda. I am Vroom, Vroom, beep, beep. Chris Cabin. And we hate movies.

Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always, that's right. We're talking the third entry in in the very popular Fast and Furious franchise, Tokyo Drift, directed by Justin Lynn. this was his first one of these and he would go on to do 4, 5, 6 and then 9 and then almost direct 10 until Vin Diesel got him fired. Yes. Oh. Well, I mean, if anybody seen the video of

Justin Lynn like doing a message from the set and Vin Diesel hovering over him. It is one of the most uncomfortable videos I've seen I have not seen this. What movie was for that? It was when they were filming X I think when they started. So this video got him fired, you're saying.

No, I think it had already, like he had already probably quit at this point. It was like literally the day of this video comes out. So what was the beef there? I think that Vin Diesel is really particular about these movies. Oh, yeah. Oh, he's like, no, no, no, no, do it worse. Make it worse. These are his like legacy.

You know, this is like this franchise is his legacy. Yeah. This is, I mean, it for him. I think probably, yeah, the rock thing probably spooked the horses for Vince a bit. and like he probably put the pressure on Justin Linn and he was rightly like fuck this I've already directed a bunch of blockbusters I have the ticket for this right it's fine fuck this I guess Vin Diesel really needs to hold on to this because then after what is he going to do he's not going to be an old timey actor right I think even the I am Groot train is right is trying up I think this last is the last ride with a brute precisely man and I think that's why like you know you're the face of this multi billion dollar franchise yeah and if it's like like the only, you know, big thing you've done. The music career was going to kick you. Oh, that's right. You feel like I do when you got the vibe. When you feel like I do.

No, I love how the production makes it sound like it's underwater. Yeah, the production does that. That's, yeah. Uh-huh. It'd be great to see him live. Catch him those live days. Absolutely. He's dancing. His choreography. Oh, you know, the thing about it, man, I heard the reason why he had to stop touring around with that record was a the show, you know, the music was so complicated. It was like when the Beatles couldn't tour anymore. Yeah, of course. You can't do on stage what he's doing in the studio. You just can't do it.

There's too much talent. Yeah. Yeah. It's just too much talent. Lucas Black stepping in. Twang. He's in his mid-20s playing a 17-year-old. The forehead of my uncle Jim.

Holy fucking this fucking the monster's over here. I never gonna, he's gonna have to play. The Friday Night Lights thing means he has to play a Texan forever to get the feeling. Well, that's sling blade even earlier, my friend. He's the kid from Slingblade. Well, I think he's like from Alabama. So that accent ain't going nowhere. No, it's not.

And if anything, you want that dude to continue playing characters from where he's from because otherwise you can't cover that thing up for shit. But speaking of it can't cover up, I'll say it again. His head is nearly Tarantonian. It is so enormous And I say this is a man with a huge Fucking cassaba bell and sit on these short shoulders I think that this movie

So clearly I couldn't find it anywhere But like Diesel said no Paul Walker they said They said was too old for this movie But there was a couple different drafts He looks younger than Lucas Glad He truly does He looks younger now

Come on That's awful I know it's not nice But he but like clearly somebody and I think that this is a good idea is like you know what our audience is really young let's move this into high school sure not the worst idea best fierce high school adventure okay now we're in japan question mark sure once the yakuza shows up like well then you can't have the high school movie anymore like this kid cannot be taking finals and be doing runs for

the yakuza listen i i don't know about that because like christie used to he used to do it i did I did. I did runs. A karate kid are like all those kinds of movies. You are always just a touch away from the mafia or from some local crime lord. And also, Steve, like, L.O.L to your idea that this kid cares about his schoolwork. That's a good one. What are you fucking kidding me? Well, I mean, they should have a dropout written all over that big fucking forehead.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's F for forehead. Well, they tell them, they're like, oh, hey, man, you got to go to Japan, which we'll get into it. And he's like, well, I don't speak no Japanese. I guess I failed every class, weird. That's it. That's it for me, folks. Yeah, I mean, I took my shoes off, though.

Does that get me into their points? No, but it also doesn't get anyone some fucking cultural laughs either. Oh, I got to wear little slippers inside. Isn't that weird? Oh, it's weird. Oh, no, I just, I love F for forehead. You see the illusion of Lucas Blas, forehead making him look like he is attractive when he's in, in fact, a turntino in night.

thank you for the steak. Thank you for driving the steak. F is for fake fantastic Orson Well's mockumentary if you don't know what Chris is talking about. Where he eats a humongous steak in the middle of it and it's phenomenal. It's so fucking good. Every movie should stop for steak dinner. Orson

Wells eating a steak. Dude, poetry. Eric, I like that. Everyone's fucking fetching up and down the block about like we need intermissions back in these long movies. How about steak break? Yeah. I love it. Just a little steak break. The movie goes off. Everybody gets a nice little

steak. No, you have to film the characters eating a steak dinner as well. And then in the new Scorsese, you see you see Leonardo DiCaprio up there slowly eating a steak while you eat your own steak. Dude, it's even better. It's like he's fucking yelling at Lily Gladstone about something in the movie. And then he turns

and he's like, now everybody, here comes the steak break portion of Killers of the Flower Moon. You also have to have the waiter come in and serve it much like a perfect. You can't just have it there ready to go. No, no, I want to see the work that goes into this. Pump and circumstance.

Bumblebee, I can't believe you took two spoonfuls of sauteed spinach. That's the best side. You know, when you get a bunch of sides for the table at a steakhouse, it's to share. Not one person gets the roasted spinach and another person gets the fried potatoes. We are sharing all of it, bumblebee, you pig. This is such a great idea because then for home video, you could cut it out. And then that's a special feature. 30, 35 minutes with Optimus Prime trying to eat a steak with his fucking car teeth.

God damn it. Why do they call it smashed potatoes? It's just mashed potatoes with some skins. You know, I'm not sending it back, but this is definitely medium, not medium rare. I'm not going to be an asshole about it, but look how brown this is on the inside. That's not what I wanted. Oh, if I had known that the Caesar salad preparation was table side, I would have said, no, this is so uncomfortable. I'm sitting here trying to have a conversation with you, Vivian,

while some freak shows making a salad six inches away. I'm glad they dribbled butter, garlic, and what tastes like chlorine on this shit. It's crazy with all Caesar accomplished in his life. He took time to invent a salad. Yeah, totally. I mean, what are the best to ever do it salad wise? He was busy. Busy beaver that's like, give me some weird cheese on there.

Can I have more bread in my salad? Just a big pieces of bread in my salad. Salad could use a hunk of chicken. Yeah, that's when Caesar crossed the crouton. Oh,

yes. This is Dennis. Cruticon? Yeah. E for education as old age. Also, yeah. This is this show.

Dennis Millerian and we're becoming at our older age. I love the opening of this where it's like, uh-oh, Lucas Black is in a bad school. Oh,

yeah, metal detail. He's padded down. I was like, is this a bad school thing or is this like, hey, hey kids out there,

Colombon happened. Well, did you... It ain't going to be me, though. So did you hear it, though, when he walks into the school? No. What's that? Once he fucking sees him, you hear it. I can't believe Zachary Ty Bryant is in this film.

It's wild. It is wild, man. Like, Tim the two man, Taylor's one son that definitely participated in Jan 6, Zachary Ty Bryant. He's probably the most likely. I got to give it to him. We're talking about the fictional character. I'm sure he's a very nice guy. I think this,

I think this dude has some shitty personal in the real world. Okay. I mean, I guess they all do, right? All of Holly weird. They're fucking dark cabals. I mean, it doesn't matter because this dude's in five to ten minutes of this movie. And that's it.

The most important. Because like, he's going around like, oh man, I don't fit in this school or nothing. Which is weird because it seems like he would. Yeah, why not? They're all gear heads. They're all dumb, like, Texans with big heads, too. Well, I don't know where this is. I would imagine it's supposed to be Los Angeles.

I don't know. I have no idea. All I know is that Zach E. Ty Bryan calls him trailer trash at some point. Sure. And he doesn't have, he's not even trying to do an accent. So it's not like a. No. The kids that are, they seem L.A. is.

I will give you that. And I don't know if that's just actorly business. Yeah. Or because of like, but like, yeah, it is because he's poor. Oh, geez. I'm starting school here at America Town, and I don't know. I just don't fit in, really. Well, it's kind of weird. It must be California, at least, because they race through the still unfinished development from Lethal Weapon 3. Oh, yeah. I can't believe we didn't finish those. They haven't finished those houses. Yeah, there's a guy running around on fire at some point.

Oh, dude, you drove through the Bluth's model home as well. Yeah, it's all the same development, dude. They still haven't finished any of those houses. But, I mean, I think this, the beginning of this movie makes a ton of sense where it's like, oh, man, I'm in the wrong school. And it's like, hey, man, you look at it my girl. It's just such high school movie bullshit. Oh, yeah. I'm like, this is the movie that I kind of want. I love seeing how apathetic he is to everything because it's like he is, he's got his arms raised in the air during the pat down.

He looks at the guy next to him who is entering the school, the school in the school mascot costume. I feel like you put that on in the locker room later. He's a lifer, dude. He's into it. That's true. And they're both looking like, it's a living, like getting wanded down and whatever. Then he walks past the jocks.

There's like seemingly some sort of parking lot pep rally in where you better believe we are Zachary Ty Bryant leading the charge, beating the shit out of a Native American-shaped pinata. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right there, dude. And the fucking details on this pinata are a scotch uncomfortable. That happens.

And then the fucking funniest one Because this whole movie is about Him learning to like Stand up and do what's right And interfere when history calls for it And it was not during fucking Automotive class Where a bunch of bullies drag this fat kid

Out of the fucking garage And just start spraying gasoline on his tummy Or oil? They're filming like do you go to school At Guantanamo Bay? Like what the fuck is going on here? Especially yeah The fat kid somebody needs to be like

All right, all right. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Later on, what is right about here, when, like, he's throwing baseballs at cars and shit and this huge fight is happening, nary a teacher to be found. There's no administrators. Even in fucking Tokyo, you only get, like, his one teacher who, like, gives him guff and there's, like, the language barrier. And that's the joke. And then when they're fighting on the roof of the school, no fucking administrator, nobody, no teacher, no nothing. And Japan is famous for administrating. They love it. And fucking Mr. Mancuit. so he's getting fucking fired. He let these fucking kids have the gasoline for that.

Are you fucking kidding me? Lock it up for now on. And the gag in that shot, too, is like, how are they possibly getting away with this? Because the teacher is literally sleeping at the desk. And he's like, hey, I'm the only one working on cars down here. The screams didn't wake him up.

They all doing a gutter screams. They all doing a full metal jacket on that fat kid over there. I'm the one trying to get an A plus on the car. They are dragging him. And this kid is screaming like he's being taken to the prison I mean, dude, it's fucking terrified what they're doing to this kid. Oh, it's also kind of funny. But he's flirting.

He goes to his car and like the sexy girl is like, hey, man, hey, new kid, nice ride or whatever. And therein, he's flirting with her. Zachary Ty Brad's, hey, talking to my girl. Get out of there. You talk to my girl. I own her. Oh, no, no, you don't. I have agency.

whoever wins the race gets me this girl. Oh my God. This girl has no respect for herself. Also, really ready to die tonight. Anyone who wins this race could Dale Earnhardt my back wall. Jesus Christ. One time only number three. It's such a weird steak being like,

because we do get the classic Lucas Black's character goes, I don't know, race for pink slap. So we got that call back to the first film. I feel like that this Lucas Black, Sean whatever says that because that kid saw the first fast serious movies. But the beginning is very

much like the end of the movie which is like a surfer movie. Like for the 1960s or like whoever wins gets me it's like oh we'll have the big race at the end and then you got to leave to beach forever. Like those beach towel movies or whatever. I should actually watch them before I criticize them

but this character has no character. No no. What is what does he? He's just you go up to his head and it's just a picture of wheels moving around. What is this character? He's got nothing. Zero. Just brooding. Zero interest besides cars

and it's only even vaguely. I feel like I do. Australian girls too. He likes them. Can I just wager? Sometimes that's all those folks have going. Like you're just so single-minded like car car car car car car car car car car car car pussy.

Like a like a song. Put ball at the ball on. He's hit and play. He's the one. You know a lot about this guy. He likes cars. He's interested in pussy. I take it back.

He's a well, well illustrated character. Kid rock fan. There's your song. There's the big song of the movie. It gives you a lot of entirety. It's both of his parents. I would like to know any aspirations besides

I'm getting over the race. I got the race. I got the end of the race first. You can't do that when you live your life a quarter mile at a time. What are you thinking? You don't think about the fucking future. Only quarter miles. I'll live my life a quarter mile out of a time.

But this one's specifically a dirt road. Yeah. And you get a quarter of a minute of intimate action with him. Dirt road would be interesting. If they stuck this, kept it in America and really dug in on like the southern or whatever the fuck we're doing. Yeah, sure. And explore that. I'm putting this kid in Japan is such a ridiculous idea.

But it's smart in the sense that it opens you up to the drifting culture, which is to say not the two four, like the street racing. So it's like it's something different. This is one of the, we were talking about this last week, I think. It's Weinstein brain shit. Tokyo drift sounds cool. Sure does. Minnesota drift does not sound cool. California drift doesn't even sound that.

Alabama drift. Oh, man, we drifted our cars a lot out here. Yeah, we've been Alabama drift. this is the last song for the night. You all have been fantastic. Yeah, that's right. Jesse the Body Venture, I'm drifted off.

Why, I drifted a little bit. Go get drafted. I got drifted. They don't tell you this, but they send you to a completely different Asian island to fight when you're drifted and not draft. The cars don't draft it. The goddamn government does.

You better hope you're getting drafted because if you're getting drifted, guess what? You're fighting. aliens. That's what they don't tell you, but if you get a drift card, you're going to space to fight the predator. I never would burn my drift cards because, man, I just love to know that there's, you know, knowing that there's something else out there and then hunting and killing it is very exciting. I mean, in my final days, I might want to go to Jupiter. I don't know. I don't know. I was fighting for Jupiter citizenship. I was on that ship with Tom.

Tommy Lee Jones and Ad Astra. Actually, I got off early because he was acting Wackadoo. I'm the guy who let out the monkey before I left. It's the only way I could survive. Also, that space station Sparrow's was the best Sparrow's I ever. Was it Sparrows? What's the thing?

Applebee's and Hudson News. Oh, Applebee's that's the restaurant. Yeah, those riblets are really fantastic in the Ad Astra Applebee's. And you know what, you know what, Hudson News? I know it's the moon and everything, but $6,000 for a bottle of water. Come on, guys.

Also, these magazines are a bit old. The Pope is already dead. How do you shell out of bold checks mix? You want to tell me that? How do you shout out of that? You know, I understand it's a space station and sometimes getting stock back up here for the store might be difficult.

But holy shit, man, how do you only have the sour watermelon, sour patch candy? And not the OG sour kids. just stupid. I'm stopping off here on my way to Jupiter and now all my snacks are messed up. I operate on

a very strict and finicky snack schedule and you're fucking it up, Ed Astra Hudson News. Of course I don't need to bag. Look at what I got with him here. What do you think? I would much rather watch Minnesota drift. That's what Jesse Van Drip

fighting aliens on Jupiter. He's listening to the replacements all day. How could you not? I got two. I got two things wrong with that title Yeah, okay So it's a sort of drift I like that

And it's We watch it some kind of hockey movie Well no Jesse It's you fighting aliens In the moons of Jupiter Oki dokey sounds great to me brother But so Yeah it's like

Hey Whoever wins gets to date This super hot girl This movie is Max of Magazine hot Yeah B'am pampum dump tits Yeah So she

We even, speaking of this first race, it's called, you know, the, the, what do you call it, the, what do you call it, the checkered flag here? It's a bra. Oh, yeah, totally. Not only is it a bra, man, because we have to have a cool, like, they whiz by it that gets caught the updraft or whatever. So it is a CGIed bra. It is for sure. And then we have the home improvement kid in like a 2003 Dodge. And then Lucas Black and the evil dead Oldsmobile. Well, it's not the car. It's the racer. This is when we play ba-witabah. And I mean, we play it in its entirety. We bought it. We bought it.

We're playing it. You bought it indeed, dude. Kids at home, that song was seven years old by the time this movie came out. Kids at home, if you don't know what we're talking about, the mean man that shot some of the bud light cans with an automatic weapon. But not all of them somehow. So the mean man with the bad aim with a machine gun. Yeah. The guy that looks like Dr. Phil with a long hair.

He used to write rap rock instead of piss water country music or whatever he thinks he's doing nowadays. A bit of a mixture of it, but yeah. And so he had the big hit song, Ball with DeBaw. He should take his own fucking example, man, and get in the pit and try and love someone. That's true. Shooting up Bud Light, you know?

Like, love the people that love Bud Light. Joe sees looking down from heaven just like, he's so disappointed in that guy. Disgusting. He's disgusting behavior. Yeah, you also had folks at home. You had a little friend for a while, Josie, who sometimes got in on the raps or something.

I think the only thing you don't, because I was listening, because, you know, we're revving engines over this, whatever. I think the only thing that's not in there is the whole, like, if you don't like Kid Rock,

you can suck my radio edit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do remember that. And Josie passed, I believe, before Kid. Josie's passed, right? Joe C's been dead for 15, 20 years. before Kid Rock and to quote the man himself only God knows why

I really wish it was the other way around I saw Kid Rock live once Did you want to rock the bells tour? No it was a dysfunctional play it was a festival Everybody ladies and gentlemen I was there You were buying tickets for Kid Rock No it was a festival so no pilots were playing Rage against the machine were playing

Little biscuit was playing So it was a cool show but it was like Kid Rock was It was really early I think he was even Rob Zombie was there also Yeah, man. Wow. So how was the set? Not great. It was definitely one of those, like,

because there's so many stuff like, you're gonna get? Oh, he did Baldwin, do you want to go get a beer? You want to go get a beer? Yeah, it is that you want to go get a beer right after Ball and DeBah's finished. I want to make sure we get back for Cowboy, though.

We got to just make sure we get it. Oh, I forgot about that song. That was a hit. That was a hit. That first record did a lot of fucking money. Absolutely. Because I remember it was during the, like, to get a beer was getting a,

can I get a big soda during Kid Rock? Sure. was, you know, that TRL thing where it was like, well, it's better to the back street boys, my stupid self said in 1999. That's how they got, that's how they got a lot of young men. Exactly.

Because they would act like that was, that's what culture was. Exactly. That was the drift. That was the drift. That's right. But they're driving through this thing. And I mean, like, these dudes, they're both dead. Everybody's dead. I wish. Absolutely. Because we

fucking wish. Unsurprisingly, this ends with like two horrendous crashes Lucas Black is in this like multiple rollover and he's just like wow that was wild we do a slow motion rollover and the joke is like

you know it's so slow that he's kind of like appears weightless for a second in the shot and what's that oh it's a bottle of Tabasco sauce isn't that hilarious he keeps hot sauce in the car you see that high yeah Tom Tabasco here from Tabasco Incorporated we paid $50,000

for that piece of shit. Who's keeping bottles of hot sauce in the car? Yeah. One thing about this race, I mean, I guess I would maybe if I lived in a car place. I don't live in a car. If you're a high school student, you're buying fucking, if you're like eating in your car. I get it.

Just like the need for hot sauce at all times. Sometimes you can have french fries without hot sauce. No. That's not an option. I don't know what you're talking about here. I don't understand what you're talking about here. But I don't understand what you're talking about. Well, you're the fucking maniac that asks the server right when we put

the order in for hot sauce. That's right. I don't want her to forget it. And you will spit in that lady's face. No, I will not. He goes nuts. Dude, this guy does go crazy. I do not. He does go nuts a little bit. What were you saying, Eric? I want to get off this time. Oh, my God. What was I saying? Oh, this car chase is interesting for multiple reasons. Number one, it's probably the best one in the movie, which is kind of weird to front load it like that. Yeah. And number two, this fucking home improvement kids friends are driving a pickup truck in the race blocking Lucas

cheating just rampant the super delicate pickup truck they should really talk to the refs at some point in this race and be like hey do you see this and when Zachary Ty Bryant is losing his girlfriend goes to him's like well I guess I have a new prom date

and that's when he starts like Spartacusing the other car and I'm like I don't know dude that's like a lot of A you could kill someone B it's a lot of money you're wasting your own money at this point, but because of this guy's shithead car. You're also wasting your own money going to prom. I'll put that out there. Although he's a little fucking rich turd, so you don't care none about this. Yeah. I mean, also, you got to remember, Lucas Black has a not normal seatbelt, which means he can survive anything. Well, that's true. The fucking, a, a tank rolls over your car.

You're fine because you have the special belt there. Thanks a lot, Ralph Nader. This little disclaimer at the end of this movie could go fuck itself. Ridiculous. What was that? What was this? Oh, Well, you just saw a lot of fun and cool stunts. You shouldn't do any of them. Right. I know there were kids that are kids that look exactly like you, but don't do that. Here's the thing. When that came up this time, you know, this is not the first time I've seen this movie,

but I didn't remember that. The one right after this is where street racing is abandoned and we get into like super spy stuff. And I wondered today watching this if this was like, all right, look, we got to do something. There's an uptick in fucking traffic fatalities, street racing. is out of control. You got to make them do things where they're like stealing planes and flying to the moon

because they can't do that. Can't do that unless they get Minnesota drifts. But do you guys like grown up you see people like do street racing or like got really into like oh yeah. Being shitty with their cars

because of this movie. I definitely saw it in parking lots and shit. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. A friend of a friend was murdered doing some motorcycle bullshit on the highway. The hickular manslaughter.

Yes. Well, he killed himself by being an asshole. Oh, jeez. You know what I mean? Vehicular suicide. Which is just the, and that's why this movie, it's just like, oh, here's a little disclaimer. Don't do this.

I know it looks super cool and awesome, but you will literally fucking kill yourself. I mean, that's just like a nice legal thing for them. Because look, if you're fucking dumb enough to do that, like you're going to do that warning label or not. But a lot of kids that I knew that I was hanging out at the time were dropping their cars and doing the lights. Oh, sure. The guy who gave me fucking rides home.

my senior year all the time had Naz tanks and the fucking base that like destroyed a street when you fucking turned it up. The horrific base thing I'll never Best friends of mine had this thing. What are you doing? Dude, I was at Subway like two days ago

and I'm standing there and you know the sandwich artist is doing her thing and I just start hearing this noise. I'm like what? What is that? What is that noise? And I realize it's base from a car parked outside of the subway restaurant. And when I went out there

like, you know, got my food and left, this car, the base was going so much, it was shaking so hard you could hear like the plastic like vibrating. I'm like the body of the car. You should have started knocking on the window. Can you turn the music down? That's how you get murdered in this town.

No, yeah. Walk away going, idiot. You walk out and you're like, what the fuck are the war of the world's aliens talking to one another? Yes. No, it is a fucking two fucking cars with this base. It's the noises from a rival. Fucking bang, g-g-g-g-g-g-h. But you guys never know when a vortex will open up

and all the pussy from 2003 will come through and be super impressed. Look, it could happen. It could happen. You don't know. So we go to the police station and of course it's like this, this fucking detective has a heart on

to take this kid down. He's like, those, do you see fucking Mickey and Minnie out there? Like, they're going home. Their parents mean something in this town. You're fucking garbage. And yes, of course, this is how police work should operate. Yeah, this is how it is. And honestly, he's not wrong.

This kid should go to prison for the rest of his life. I mean, it's reckless driving. He should definitely have his license taken away and all that stuff. But no, his mother comes in. And they're like, well, I guess we'll make a deal where you go to Japan. And I hereby send it to you to Japan. Do jail or Japan? I'll take Japan every time after possibly sucking this cop off.

Yeah, that's definitely. Because this mother, this mother gets. in there and she's like already looking sexy. It looks like a porn. She does a like is it okay to smoke in here and then she's doing like the there's got to be something we could do. I didn't mean

cigarettes I meant pole. Because then when it cuts it cuts to Lucas Black standing outside a closed interrogation room and this mother walks out with the cop and then you realize on the other side of the frame are the other two cops that were in the scene and I was like oh they were the only two people in there

and now he's not going to jail This gump is like, oh, boy, your mama should do love your education. She should have your criminal record, boy. And then that's how I met Elvis's great-grandson. So I got sent to Japan again. She gumped the guy off in there. She gumped the guy off. She definitely gumped.

Your mama gumped me good, boy. She gulp the gumped, you know what I'm saying? I don't. That sounds great. I'm guessing it's a weird sex thing. See how to bump and gump came out of it and she gulp. Well, it's a different kind of gump, but it's just where you're with a lady

and you prematurely ejaculate immediately. Can I leave? I will finish talking to you, son. You have to be trapped on this park bench here. Yes, so the judge sentences him to go to Japan. And then all of a sudden he's like, look at my kingdom. I'm finally there.

King of Japan. I don't understand the legality of this at all. And the dad who will meet this second is amazing. It's just like, this is your last chance? I don't know what's going to happen after this. Is this part of the conditions of the surrender in 1945? Oh, dude, you got to read the fine print.

They could fucking some Alabama fucking pumpkin head gets sent to your head any time. Yeah. All the wayward youth of American could just take over. They're just like, wait. We allowed them to do what? Oh, that was a terrible bargain. Absolutely.

We will tell our students that they can only speak English around the white boys. Well, here's another question about the whole English and Japanese question. Do now, and folks at home, this is where you might come into play. You're more worldly than I am. You're no more. You're better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are, like, army brats in Japan being forced to Japanese only instruction there?

That doesn't make a ton of, you know. Right? Like, he's a name. Navy Dad. There's presumably a base or something he works at. Wouldn't there be like a school or something around the base? He does not seem to me someone who's doing work for at least not above the poor work for the military. Because you don't know what he does because this movie has zero characterization for anyone. No, it doesn't. You see him in naval attire once like for a half a scene and I don't know what he's doing besides punching hookers. Which we, yes. But I think like the school scene would make sense if that was like one classic, a Japanese or immersion class where it's like that's where you go very well could she only speaks but then he goes to math classes like all right welcome to math class I'm a Japanese guy speaking

English this is what it would very much it would very much likely be that because the other thing that we're forgetting here and you're saying like make all his friends speak English guess what kids who are educated in America folks all over the world are taught English like it's fucking math there is English language programs like

this country fails so fucking hard on foreign language education It's not even fucking funny. So the fact that like all the Japanese kids in this movie speak English, yep, that's absolutely plausible. Here's the one good thing about American imperialism, right? Sure. Because now there's more and more listeners we could maybe have. Thank you to everyone listening in Japan.

America loves it. Meet us three-fourths of the way. We're not moving. We're not moving. All right. That's a three and a half fourths of the way. We were changing the deal. But yeah, he goes, he shows up.

to his dad. Major Boswell. The dad who was in the last castle is the big tough guy if you remember that. Oh, sure. Yeah, this dude works quite a bit. He's a big tough guy.

He's a big tough guy. And he comes and, Sean, I thought you're coming on the seventh. He's like, it is a shit with douchebag. This kid needs to die. I know.

I love him. Are you done with your sex worker? Can I sleep in your house now? He's like, oh, all right. Give me a second. He's like, grab his dick and he comes back.

Yeah. He puts her fucking still streaming shit out of it. He just puts it in the pants gets the pants all wet. And then, yes, this lady. This sex worker comes out and like, there's a couple of ways to do this. She's bruised, right? Or she looks fucking thrilled to be getting out of there.

I didn't see any bruises. She does not have a problem leaving. But the key that answers our question here is what the father says to this woman, which is not like I'll see a, you know, for dinner tomorrow, kiss on the cheek. He literally just goes, thanks a lot.

Yeah. And like ushers her out and you're like, all right, he's paying for it. Please don't tell Kasaki Son, please. There's a way to do that I'm paying for it. Like, if she's just like, he gives her a 20 or something and she says, auregato and she walks away. You're like, oh, she's a prostitute. But no, it's like, like, she is like scared and like.

She just got out of a hostile movie. Exactly. This dude was ordering off the menu in all the wrong ways. Yes. Yes. Yeah, but it's a lot of like, now, listen. and you don't want to be here and I don't want you here

but you're my son and this is what we agreed to no cars you're going to do you like as if this is even has a fucking chance at all of working this dude's just like you're going to study no cars you come back here immediately after school what to your fucking

tiny little apartment that still stinks of your come Steve you gave me a great idea we were talking about the intermission the stake intermission of course yeah how about this finger mission yes

the sex scene intermission full on 20 minutes sex scene as your intermission people like me perverts can stay and watch

it would be enthralled everyone that's like you can go to the bathroom everyone born after 2001 screaming out of the theater

exactly so you want to see whatever this guy this father was doing with this lady let me just listening to the beach boys

while he fucking whips her Chris, would I, would I necessarily, y'all could be California. Oh, shit, my fucking sotter. He takes out a vibrator and it's good vibrations. You're lucky you, my son's here. I'll put the chainsaw back. I wouldn't necessarily seek it out.

But if it started happening, it's like, and it just like, it was just like erotic. And it was like a little once in a while, I'll be like intermission. Sure. Well, you're asking. Just you want the word. in theaters again, is what we're looking for. Yes. I would like to take all those fucking tourist bus stations

on 8th Avenue here 42nd Street and make, restore them to their porn glory. Eric, pick the right day at spectacle. Your dream's coming true. I mean, it's not, it's not out of, you know. Spectacle theater. It's nationwide. Wonderful. That's our end goal.

I mean, I would love the spectacle theater to be nationwide. That's right. If you're ever in Brooklyn. Maybe some better ventilation. Listen, if we're, if we're getting a bunch of creeps in there to watch actual pornography. I need better ventilation than that former bodega of a movie theater. But like old pornography, you have that loose, janky story around it, much like this. It's not really anything.

All right, Nabilia, you're ready to go. Yeah, I'm ready to do it. All right. Groot and Rocket have to have sex. Oh, oh. Intermission. What did you watch that? Intermission.

Ogo, Ogo, Oka. And, you know, he goes into his tiny little bedroom. I don't know what the dad is sleeping. this tiny bedroom is the closet I think the dad is an actual bedroom and this is a closet you see all of his clothes and what great detail about it is there's a window in the closet

he opens it up and what's out there right in his face like five inches away a noodle grampy a grampy eating noodles she's very nice like I have she gets a little wave and you know at least because I was misremembering this

at least to this character's credit he like just kind of smiles and waves back and closes it I had a false memory of him going like, g-g-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h. That's what I did watching us. I do think that there is something about, it's Justin Lin,

because apparently, I mean, look, apparently, blah, blah, blah, if I could find it, he said, oh, here it goes, Lynn was not enthusiastic at first and unimpressed with earlier dresses of script, saying, I think it's offensive and dated. I don't have any intention of doing it. Nice. So I think, like, probably the original Tokyo Drift script

was like, boy, we got it. And then Justin was like, can we like, you know, like, we'll keep the noodle grampy gag, but it's nice as opposed to like scary or something. It was supposed to be a Burt Reynolds, Chris Christopherson film in 82. Exactly.

And they're like, look, we have this kick it around. Like the whole vibe, all of Tokyo would be like the cab from home alone to ain't much better in here, kid. But just through a whole city. Terrible as that would be. It would be something. This is kind of nothing. I'm glad Justin Lynn was here.

to correct that stuff. But at the same time, had this movie been out right, racist, it would have been. When you're advocating for a racist film, got it. I'm advocating for something

that would grab your attention. This movie is dull as dishwater. Yeah, yeah. I get what you've been. We go to school, again, like we said, like his teacher is not speaking English.

He doesn't understand because he doesn't speak Japanese. Yeah. And he has to put on some flippers for the... Flippers? I meant to say slippers. Oh. Dude, if he just walks in the scuba diving.

This is so embarrassing. Japan's so weird. They have a class where they make you dress up like a dolphin. He's got to try to talk to the dolphins and all those weird stuff. Do you know how to drift? Yeah, we're windsurfing. Oh, hell yeah. Get ready for the most intense, well, actually the most kind of laid back past

and furious ever. This is sexy. Neela. Nila. Nela? Nela. Nela. Nela.

Yeah, she's getting classes. She's from all's. She's whispering. am I here? I got to say when we get to the lunchtime scene here fab fucking spread in this cafeteria man. Again, just another thing to be like American schools

are terrible. They treated the opposite way in this movie though because then Lucas Black's like, gee Gallo, the food here is weird and the Bow Wow was like, yeah it's like the Army, don't ask, don't tell. Hell of a lot. Because that food is fucking weird. Yeah, it is. I'm from America. That's what Bow Wow says to him, but then when he

eats, you see, he sits alone in the cafeteria, he eats a piece of the food and he's like, oh, that guy was fucking wrong. It's deletious. The piece of food he eats looks like a huge neon gummy worms. Like, I'm not even sure if it is. We're putting gummy worms into food. Y'all got to eat them there chicken tenders back there. What's

a chicken tender situation? There is a part when he goes and gets some like, again, some fucking boss looking street food with Nila. And he's like, this is more what you're talking about. Because he's like, yeah, this is pretty good. I didn't even have to put ketchup on it or nothing. It's like, man.

What's funny, too, is, like, one of the first establishing shots of Tokyo is, like, oh, Rod, they got the McDonald's, they got KFSA. And then just to immediately do, what's this? What the fuck? They don't got no Wendy's hair? Where the fuck? I'm leaving. How am I supposed to get a frosty in Tokyo?

You bow, if I'm bow wow and I'm like, oh, you're twinky? Exactly. If I'm like, hey, man. Twink, twink, twink, twink. They're called him, twink the entire thing. I'd be like, hey, man, I would love to be in the fastest few. franchise. Awesome. Wow comes back in part nine to answer your question.

Oh, nice. Like, like, uh, do we get to see the cream? Like jaw rule before me. This will be great for my career. What's my character name? Uh, drop down, you know, speed killer. Uh, no, it's, uh, it's twink. Uh, you call you twink all the time. And, uh, you just have to deal with that. Can I get it. That's just twinky every time. No. No, we just like the shorter version twink. We actually, that is one of the few things we kept from the original 1982 script is the name of the, The, you know, I am kind of a small guy to begin with. Yeah.

Call me Twink would be like kind of, okay, okay, yeah, okay. But yeah, Twink, I mean, it means something very specific that everybody knows what it is. You know what Sean's father should be like, oh, what's that? Oh, your friend here, Twink. How about a son swap? How don't Twink's father come over and fuck you and I fuck Twink? Yeah, dude, a naval set sons. First of all, if SunSwap has more than two episodes.

So it's one of them as Naval Set. And or boot camp set. The military. Yes. In general. Wellick, Stan, you want to mop the poop deck? Now, Sean, of course, I'm not going to, this is a one-time thing with the SunSwap. I'm not going to show him my Nazi plates.

Those are for family interactions. We don't want to be showing them that stuff. Uh-oh. It's now it's Sun Swap, Minnesota Drift, which means I'm fucking someone else's son on the moon. And then someone else is fucking my son. On Jupiter. It's fucking crazy. Then, you know, they wanted to get into some wild ideas for season two of that idea.

And it's actually, it's sun swapping, but it's me and an alien father. So he's banging my human boy, you know, and I'm screwing his reptilian progeny there. The opera's kind of like enemy mind, but a little, little spin on it. Is someone fucking Lou Gosser Jr. in that movie? I never saw it. No, no, but it's, I remember it being kind of. a good. I remember enjoying it. It's fine. He's got some insane makeup on in that movie. He does.

He does. Yeah. But imagine if they imagine they had sons. I guess. And they swap them. First you see, they have some sons to see. And they get this. They swap. It's like strangers on the trade. You fuck my son. I fuck yours. Exactly. Yeah. I, that's

the thing. I can't, I'm sorry, I can't get to full match if we're not watching RT. I need, I need to have into background. Oddly enough, uh, the characters in strangers on a train, would be down for that. Oh, they'd be way down to any kind of swap. You'd give a son swap in the film Rope.

Absolutely. There's another. I'd leave the son's out of. Just swap each other. They still... Let me be a father swap. You need to see the father, sir. Oh, my students are swapping here.

Oh, boy. I'm going to need some rope to tie up your son to fuck him. He's a wilder one. Mary, I'm going to pull down the moon, but not for you. Mary, I'm going to pull down the moon for you. I'm going to pull down my pants for this son over here. I can't believe. that their son was just sitting

in the desk the whole time we're having lunch out. We're having a dinner party out here. It's amazing. It's a weird fetish that guy's got. He loves people eating on top of his tied up son. That's okay. My friend Harvey will get rid of all the bodies. So Bow Wow is like, hey, let's

hang out after school. Sure, we're friends. And so in the coolest fucking parking garage thing I've ever seen, it's like a vending machine. You know, Tokyo's got one over on us already here. Really cool and the gag here is kind of nice because it's like cool car comes down and he's like

sure and it's like no that's not my car cooler car comes down is this it still though here comes the fucking big green car and oh is that a Hulk fist coming out of it yes you better believe this is a Hulk themed racing car

burn it burn it send it to hell this thing's the ugliest shit I've ever seen this is universal right yes so that would make sense that they had the rights at the time it's a shared universe don't you understand so this is oh no here I am in Tokyo getting son swapped I signed up for none of this

now this is the elder abuse they were talking about I swapped me with the abomination I was smoking a J with another father he said hey I got the son you want to swap him I'll swap Kirby's son I gave him my son and in exchange he gave me a bunch of comic book ideas that I took and didn't credit him for

and I never gave his son back I still have his son So the timing of this is what This comes out in 2006 Yes Is it set in 2006? No it's so When it came out

Listen when it came out Right It was indeed set in 2006 But now it's set in like 2020 or so 2013 Because it's chronologically takes place

Between the sixth and seventh You know how stupid this is It's incredibly stupid It's incredibly Especially afterwards When you just Retcon Honda be alive anyway, the fact that you did all this gymnastics to move the

chronology. To convince 30 idiots that it makes sense. I mean, like, who gives that shit? Just, we're even better. Hi, I'm, you get Sun Kang back because he's a great actor. Oh, yeah. He's the most exciting part of this movie and most of those Fast and the Furious movies. I'm Hans' brother, Curly. That's it. All you need is Curly. It's like, I'm his twin brother. You never, because people roll their eyes and like, oh, that's a cheap way out.

as opposed to this insane chronology and like redoing his death two to three different times in three different movies. Because in one of them, Jason Statham kills him. And that's the ending. And then in another one,

we revisit it where Kurt Russell is like staging the death. There is, if I remember correctly, a hologram involved. It's fucking insane. It's so dumb. And listen, I have come around on this franchise. I like these movies, you know.

more or less to varying degrees except kind of for that first one. But like, this is dumb. This is so fucking dumb. And if anything, it just proves never count out Sung Kang because the dude fucking rules he's played this character before.

Han is part of Justin Lin's Better Luck Tomorrow. Yes. Which is a great fucking movie. Don't bet against this guy. Don't kill fucking Twinkie. Who gives a shit? Kill Lucas Black.

The thing is, this movie, this movie's biggest. Sin is killing Han, which was like this movie actually taking a swing at something. Sure. Yes. And I wish these movies would take a swing at something instead of everyone being alive all the time, everyone becoming friends now. Like Han

and Jason Statham are friends now. Abe Lincoln is friends with Vin Diesel. You know who's not friends with anyone anymore though is the character that Wonder Woman played. Galgado, yeah. Galgado's in like five and six or something. And she has when I tell you the best death I think in the franchise

I've seen all them and I don't remember this but I guarantee you Fast 11 she's back from the dead hanging out I would bet it Kurt Russell's hologram machine

did it again you'll never believe it the plane didn't even run her over we all live together in a big house now and everyone is alive we sleep in big punk beds is that okay for you America

We have barbecues too, just like Dominic Torretto does, but it's secret barbecues. No one can attest. Can I give you corona? Not that guy. I think she sings imagine in full. So he gets, was that the song she said?

Oh, yeah. Here's the thing. She gets shit for that because like I think it was her idea. And I think she's first up top. She's like the JPEG of the video. She is. and that comes with its own level of sin. Sure.

But there's about 50 other fucking losers that got sucked into that two and they're just as fucking culpable. You want to be in minutes too because everyone turns it off immediately and it's like, oh, no one knew I was in. Dude, I'm in that video. Nobody knows.

Galgado asked me to do it. I was like, sure, if I'm the 13th person to do it. Yeah. All those like past the two mineters, man, they lucked out. Steve, Jason Alexander. I think it's Aaron Paul, Richard Lewis, and then Steve

I think that's how it goes So yeah We are at like What turns into a race But it is first like a Just the This is like I'm not a car guy

And even if I were This part is always just weird to me Like the hanging out In a parking garage Just looking at motors And whatnot I mean I don't

I wonder if this is even a thing That how they do this I imagine not It was when I was growing up It was a part parking lot and everyone had their cool cars and the guys would walk around and me and my friends would be looking for drugs.

That's really, oh yeah, that's a drop down, cool. You got the red thing on there. I like that. What's your guy doing? Is you coming anytime soon or is it? That I understand. Parking lots, I understand. Parking garages, I'm like, aren't these things owned by some like major with all kinds of fucking shit on it? I think it's like the guy

like the dude at the gate or whatever is crooked. It's just like closed for the night. Or the Yakuza runs it. Oh, that could be. But, like, you could write this well. You could actually write a car movie well. They just don't.

It's happened a hundred times. This is, I think, more to just make kids horny. Because it's just a bunch of girls with little skirts, like, walking around everywhere. Yeah, little skimpy outfits and what the Twink gives them, like, tissues for when you blow your load. Because you're going to need them in front of everybody. Hey, hold on. What you talk about? Twig, I ain't planning on blowing my load in time.

What? I'm waiting for marriage Like the Lord Jesus commanded You're a cool dude or another I ain't having you jerking me off Yeah listen listen if I don't wait till marriage The Lord Jesus Christ could come down here With a scimitar cut my head off

I can't wait for my marriage night Where I get to jerk off for the first time My wife would watch And she will not get involved She goes back in Alabama My current wife is kind of sort of married To her dad right now and commitment ceremony.

But once I get in there, he's not illegally allowed to have sex with her yet. So that's... It's so much paperwork transferring over this, this darling's pink slip from her father's commitment ceremony to our wedding ceremony. But once I get my gal's pink slip, we will be on the way to me, one, owning her and two fucking her.

Look, when you're sitting down, we prefer to have a cold seat, or do you want somebody there to keep it warm for you? Huh? I think it's better to have a wife that's warmed up for you by her father. She won't married to her dad for a little bit. It's not a huge deal. It's not like they're making out anything or anything.

They kiss every once in a while. It's just the commitment to her daddy ceremony. It just, it's the law. It has to end with one open-mouth kiss. Thanks for keeping her warm for me, Mr. Simpson. So, you know, Nila shows up here. This is where we meet Han. He's sitting there doing a snacking thing.

I love it. And then, oh, and then Brian T. We are introduced to as D.K., he's the Drift King. Donkey Kong? No, no, I wish Duncan Kong was in this movie. That would truly be the crossover of the century. One of those Mario Kartz is a drift game, right? Is it, well, you kind of drift in all of them.

But I think one of them literally has drifted at the time. Rainbow drift. I don't know. I'll look it up. If that's true, I've never heard of that Mario. Double dash. Oh, maybe I'm considering. Oh, are you thinking of double dash? That was the... Have they ever gone to Italy in this series? That could be some. They probably did, right? One of those big Dominic Torreto adventures, we probably went to Italy. When they become like Bond movies, like six on essentially... Driving a fucking car on the Coliseum and all the police are like, we can't do anything.

No, wait, we got to get this car from the UAE. And then we got to get an engine from Germany. And here's a camey of some guy, and there's another guy, and that's the movie. He's the biggest action star in Germany. It's just Mario Kart 8. You can drift, but it wasn't called. Oh, I see. So, yeah, he meets this dude, and he's like, what is he, the Justin Timberlake in Tokyo or what?

And it's like, I don't know, what does that mean? It's just a handsome guy with a haircut. Crazy to be saying in 2013. It also, like, yes, it is. Well, I mean, he's just. Yeah, I've been listening to Ball with the ball the ball the whole time, dude.

Y'all got Kid Rock in Japan or what? Where's it? You got a radio station I could give this tape to? Gee, I thought Japan was ahead of the trend. You all got flip phone. Just 2013. It is.

It is so incredible. But this dude needs to stop flirt with other people's girlfriends. That is the number one problem he has. And that's what got him in trouble last time. Oh, shit. She seems otherwise engaged. Hey, look at her friend there.

that's almost as good-looking, but also single. This dude is in the sea of babytooth. This parking lot alone, man. And it's like, it's one of those things where it's like, hey, I don't see a ring on her finger. And I'm like, and even Twinkie, who knows what's what. It's like, don't do that. That's a bad idea.

No, no. Han says it later too. I need to get the girl that's been nutted in the most. It's just my thing. So he's like, oh, yeah, that's a drift king. And he's like, drift, what's drift? Oh, Jesus. And so then we get in.

You know what movie you're in? And it's like, all right, well, you know, like, you know, D.K. comes up to and starts shoving him. He's like, oh, you're, you're an ape or something. He goes with Geijin, which he doesn't understand. Right. Watch that. Are you trying to order some food?

Bow wow is the one who calls him an ape and he's like, oh, ape didn't have his banana this morning, DK. He's being mean to you. You get some gajun from the table. My friend seems to want some. And it's like, well, we'll race. And then you don't have a car, asshole. And then Hans like, yeah, I'll give this fucking literal cracker my car.

And he's like, bow wow is like, hey, you know that painting of like the weird lady smiling? And he's like, yeah, the Mona Lisa. And he's like, yeah, this car is the Mona Lisa of cars. And this dude's like, got it. I'm also going to lie and pretend I know what I'm doing. this kind of racing situation and he fucks this dude's car up like this right here this proves

I mean Han has the whole thing about like money is meaningless and blah blah blah but like even still this proves endless cool of Han that he is not strangling this kid when he finishes the race because you know like the minute they're like it's the best car that's I'm like okay the car's fucking gone the car's fucking wreck and the movie he's got to lose to

decay before he could beat him later do you see that 2002 Hyundai that's like the Mona Lisa of cars. And I'm going to give it to a baby with matches and gasoline. Well, it is the Mona Lisa of cars when you pump like 60 grand

worth of other shit into it. What's funny is the Wikipedia for this movie. Oh, my God. It says, like, the plot description lists every single car model. Sure. You got to do it, dude. That's what people are looking at it for.

Who's driving what? Oh, yeah. That's right. He does have a car. Car guys are just so weird to me because it's just like, do you have? have more than one? Like, how does this work? How do you have the money? Sure. But, like, we're talking, let's not get lost here. We were literally talking about the Wikipedia page for the movie. That's not the fucking film's fall. It's just a very expensive hobby. I don't know how it's a very, yes, it is by teenagers. But the thing about, I think a lot of it, like, why you have a crew is that car is that dude's car. That car is that girl's car. It's not like, I mean, Han does have multiple cars and he is rich, but I don't think in all of these scenarios, it's like, why. one person owns the whole garage. You're doing it. You're like every couple of months again, I hung out with these dudes.

You're getting the next piece and then the next guy gets the next piece and the whole thing. But I would also believe that the Yakuza owns all this. Oh, sure. That they backed all these guys. It should be in this movie, man. I'm sorry to say. Disagree. All right. Disagree in it. Not at all or way more. That's right.

Yeah. Yeah. D.K. drifts the shit out of this kid. This kid can't drift for shit. Can't drift for shit. And I will say, in some of like the racing games that I've played some of them will be like all right so on this you know this particular mission a lot of like street racing games it's like

you have to drift down this mountain I would be this kid in the I can't I can't even drift in a fucking video game like it's so I mean biologically my head's a little too big to be able to drift actually I gotta know for my doctor throws the center of gravity all over the place with the car there well yeah because when he does like when he's like he gets with D.K he's like oh we're going to race me, me, you go. So what street are we going to go to to do this?

Here? Yeah, exactly. We're going to do it in here in the James Bond parking garage. Okay, I guess we're going to do it this way. How am I supposed to get any speed in there? We're drifting? I just turn and hit that e-break. Yeah. Wow. Cool. Mr. Haunt, I'm going to wreck this fucking car. I don't know how to tell you that there's, I don't know a drift. It's a breeze. I don't know nothing about wind. Thanks for sticking up for me for aggressively hitting those. somebody else's girlfriend. Awesome. Thank you very much. I don't want to wreck the Mona Lisa. I heard this is the Mona Lisa. I don't want to wreck the Mona Lisa, sir. This car is wrecked though. It is falling to pieces. And the only

thing that Hahn gets out of this is like, well, you know, Sean had the guts to challenge DK to the race, even though he didn't know what he was doing. And he finished, even though like this dude fucking smoked him. He still, this thing is like the fucking Blues Mobile at the end of that movie it is on its last leg. This character of Sean now has been shown to total two cars in a row have seemingly no interests beyond, bro, goes fast and just nothing. It's just a nothing character who's bad at his even one hobby. What's worse about that? I will say this first. And like I understand it's supposed to be part of like his cool like this is a cool guy. The fact that he doesn't like he isn't like deeply apologetic to Han like on his knees, please don't kill me. I know this is like the

most important thing. Like, it's just assumed that he knows he's going to be okay with it. I guarantee this son guy's like, you're only free because my grandpapy came here and he fixed. He sorted out horatito for you, pal. And then you get kicked off right off that fucking parking garage, right quick.

He goes home, his dad freaks out. His dad who's on beer five, by the way, you're going to count at that end table. You've been driving, haven't you? Well, it seems like seems like the party was here anyway. Oh, yep. Nice dig against his old man.

Oh, no. You know, if I screw up here in Japan, they're going to send me to Africa, which is the side of my favorite movie called Ernest Goes to Africa. And I assume it's an accurate representation of a day-to-day life there. Okay, here's just like a dumb thought

that means nothing. Sure. Just on the thinking line there of Ernest goes to Africa. Sure. Yeah. Do you think there's anyone living, on planet Earth right now

who has seen Ernest goes to Africa more than 10 times Oh yes definitely You think so? Yeah and it just like it gets to the wrong house like this movie Exactly It's in the wrong house Wrong reason watching

They pooled all their money to afford one VHS in 1998 Exactly And they took they made the wrong bet And now they just watch it And I'll tell you what they don't even know he went to jail They don't even know he saved him They think that was the first earnest

They have no idea. He doesn't even know that he wrote again. You accidentally watch it on Mikey's birthday when he's nine and then it becomes a tradition. Now he's 19. We're always watching it. I feel like when you're 19, though, Mikey's got to be

like, you know, something about this, Ernest Goes to Africa is a lot different than the rest of the earnest movies. I can't quite put my finger on it. He's growing up. And of course, then he would find out about Ernest goes to jail and go with the better. Like what inspired the thing he loved. Yeah, that's a great movie.

Wrong. If you fuck up one more time, you go to Antarctica. You've got to race the fucking thing asshole. What's that? What? Hey, oh, God, you've been racing, haven't you? I can smell tires on your breath. You're disgusting. I told you not to drive. Is that, is that a wrench in your pocket? I'm going to kick the shut out of you. There is a

I mean, there's like, if you get kicked out of Japan, you go to jail. What is that? The cops just waiting. All right. If Sean, whatever is his name is, comes here, we will arrest him on site. Or would he go to like Juvenile Hall in the United States for like a year? Yeah. Like whatever.

I don't know what it would be. Honestly, clearly he deserves it. Yeah. Oh, he definitely deserves it. But like yeah, like you damaged a little bit of like a house that was being built. You crashed your own car. No one was killed. You're not directly responsible for Zachary Ty Bryan crashing.

Probably you probably they take your license. You probably don't drive until you're 25 or something like that. It's just like in hackers. Like he's banned from computers for a little bit. Like it would be the same But the way that the cop talks about it, it does seem like Zachary, his father, the rich father is going to send a hitman out for Lucas Black. Like the way they said like, he better get out of town or it's all, it's over for him. It's all over for him. Yeah.

And with hackers, the analogy there. I mean, they were good at computers. So far, this guy's not good at cars. It's just that's something. You know how many like professional racers crash? Like, it's just a thing that happens. And also Zachary Ty Bryan fucked with him. It's not this dude's fault.

If there was an interference, if there was a clean race, I've just seen, I've just seen a stone cold loser lose twice. That's all I've seen. Well, that's, I mean, like, there is like in both the, in the first two Fast and Furious is you do get a good enough amount of like, oh, you see your fucking did the hit is there. And the bad effect of the thing is here. And I don't really get as much in this movie. No, was you're getting so much of the Japan. When they rebuild the car at the end, it's just, it's just to call back to the other movie. Yeah.

We're not doing the, oh, we've got to drop this and the gnaz. That's to what Eric's talking about. It goes by too quick, yes. It's that, like, there is no sense of, like, this character, like, there's a passion there. Yes. That there's this thing that he cares about. Like, you just assume he cares about it because he's in the Fast and Furious movie. And it's just hilarious that you care about this.

I do. I want a better character. I want a better movie. I want better movies. And I find that very funny that you're looking to do Tokyo drift for that to happen. Han grabs him after school the next day. Dude, I mean, that's a thing, Han, I don't know, man. Like, stop hanging out with high school kids.

I would never, could you imagine, I'm going to turn 40 in a couple months, relying on a high school student for anything being like, you know what, my ticket to anything is this high school student? Sounds illegal. Yeah, it sounds very illegal. And he's like, hey, man, I need you to, now, you owe me a lot of money. And it's like, oh, where's this one going? And he's doing a whole like, I'll pay you back.

Every penny I swear. And I was like, how? Yeah. But you need to do a collection for me at this bathhouse. And it's like, you know, when you want to get someone like roped up into your crime world, like yeah, you got to get them young. When he's threshold. Are they muscle? Can they do a muscle job?

This is what he's testing here is. Can you go in and fight a sumo wrestler to get what, like a hundred bucks? Actually, you know, I've played the Neo Geo game bonk the other. other day. And you look an awful lot like that dude is your enormous head. And I thought you might be able to take down the sumer. Oh, yeah, yeah. You don't know the language or any of the local customs. Perfect.

Go for it. You want a dude though who is pig-headed and stupid enough to go after the sumo guy a second time, which is what happens to. He goes into the bathhouse and he's like, oh, hey man. Han, money, Han, money. And then he gets jazzy jeffed out of the bathhouse.

And it's like, oh, why I order? And he like gets back in there, gets thrown out again on his ass. And Han's just like, if this is the guy for me, I can mold this guy. He will do whatever I say. This guy is comic gold. Not since Harold Lloyd. Have I seen someone get thrown and beat up so comically? It is pretty great watching this.

You get tossed around like a ragdoll by this sum up guy. Look, if you're Han and you are just like a blanket like rich and like we'll never have to worry about anything. Yes. You're going to have your death carpeted by fucking holograms. you know I think you're like yeah just have this shitty guy around because he gets thrown around a lot and it's funny to get hurt it's absolutely funny to watch just do you get his ass kicked while I snack and then it's like yeah you know blah blah blah you're gonna be doing this here's here's a cell phone for you I don't care oh this is a 2006 line I don't care if you're sick or in bed with Beyonce oh you answer my phone call absolutely this movie was made after 2000. Sure was.

Really grounds you in a place. And he, uh, so the whole thing is he's like, all right, yeah, I'll do your pickups and drop-offs if you teach me how to drift. Yes. Is the whole thing. I do like this sequence where like, he's letting him drive the car and they're driving on the highway and he's going like 160 or something. And they pass by the cops and you see the cops like do the radar gun.

And he's like, oh, I'm fucked again, man. Antarctica here I come. And then the Han like explains like, oh, well, actually. All the police cars in Japan are just like factory floor. They're not like modded to go faster, like American cop cars, for example. So if they see that your car can go past a certain point, they're just not going to pull you over. So if you wonder where the fuck are the cops at any point in this movie? That's why, because the cars don't go fast.

That stops them from going in and like breaking up drug rings and shit like that. The cars don't go fast. Japan, not much for rules. No, yeah. I mean, yeah, you would be in a Japanese point. prison in like four seconds that would be a good movie that would be a good movie

hey what oh no I'm gonna drop a little Tokyo Drift Express Oh I'm getting whipped with a cane Don't look in my chest Don't look no But yeah he starts

This is when DK is like Why are you with that asshole That's my business kind of a thing DK has got a number two Who challenges Sean to a race here This guy Morimoto, I believe his name is. Yes. He's a blonde hair, you know, and he's like kind of fun.

Wends up being like a total coward at one point. He does get his ass kicked at some point in this movie. No, no, he beats the shit out of Bow Wow. Oh, that's right. That's the fighting that happens there. But first is again, man, I'll race you anytime. Well, I guess I will race you too. Hey, man, I will lose a race anywhere you want me to lose a race.

I'll show up. I will lose immediately, man. Anyone got a car I can destroy? You can count on me to totally blow it. Oh, yeah, I fucking shook at racing, big guy. You want to watch me lose? Oh, yeah. Oh, you want to watch me lose?

You right off at racing. I suck shit at racing. Also, I'd never none hooked up with a girl neither. So I'm going to steal your lady and then not be able to pleasure her sexual. They call me Sean the cooler Boswell because I fuck up cars like it's my business. And this is sort of like they're becoming fast friends. this is when he starts to learn how to drift

there's like dudes fishing on a pier like that's not drifting and I'm like come on well thank God we get the training the scenes yes you want

then you know at the end of the movie he's going to drift dude that's right absolutely I know and I get to see him work his way up I this is it's 2006

we are 2013 sure 2013 still even more so I would say for this point we are too far in and we have

a song, an original song that says the name of the movie in the song. Oh, I missed it. Terriaki, too. Taraki Boys is Fast and Furious

Tokyo. I think that's just the name of the song. Yeah, I think you're right. Yeah. Because I have the subtitles on and when the song starts,

it's like, Fast and Furious, Tokyo Drift starts playing. I was like, no, it's been playing. Yeah. I had the same thing.

What are you talking about? Han has a good line because like when he goes to drop off some money, DK or whatever, Neela shows up and like he again this kid is just eye fucking this girl and Han has a great line here where he's like, why can't you just

find yourself a nice Japanese guy, a nice Japanese girl like every other white guy in this city. Yeah. So do you miss the kangaroos? There's a weird thing with her backstory where it's just like, oh, I cryka, yeah, my mom was here and well it's not, it's not Australian. No, no, no. Just keep going.

Not at all? What, a little classic? There's a little classic. A little classic. A little classic. A little classic. A little classic. A little classic. A lot of awesome. Yeah. Uh, all right. I'm going to stop trying. Her mom dies. Yes. And then she's adopted by her boyfriend's grandmother. Well, I think that she was not the boyfriend's grandmother at the time. She was then groomed in that house. Yes. To become, uh, there is this talk about missed opportunity. There's a great thing here where like the dad is fixing up a car at one point. And I'm like, oh, cool. maybe this dude can kind of like cool off a bit and not be a piece of shit and it's like oh my son likes cars you like cars too and this dude is just like yeah found it on the base abandoned and I alone will fix it up good day to you sir I couldn't believe this this would have been a great scene for them to bond for something to happen in the movie for the characters to grow for me

to actually hear some car talk oh that'd be nice fix up this car well the crazy the craziest part about him and his dad is in like two scenes or two and a half scenes the dad just has enough and then like you don't even see him get kicked out all you see is Sean go to Hans at night is like yeah let's get another bunk you never even see what that living situation is

or any of it it's some bad editing here because I think the deal there is like he just decides to leave sure because the dad comes home and already all of his shit is gone oh okay I miss it there's a scene where he walks him and he's like Sean and he opens the door and everything is gone folded back up

So, like, he just leaves to go live with Han, which honestly, like, I would do my fucking father's making me live in this weird closet. Because that's the thing is it's, it's that fight again against like high school movie. Does my dad matter or a yakuza movie? Does the street race gang that I'm with matter? And it just turns into yakuza movie, which is fine. But also like five years should pass. Yes, exactly.

And then he's battling gangsters. I mean, he brought his accident for Friday Night Lights. I think he has to also bring a drunk Friday night's lay. dad with you. Yeah, sure. You have to have one of them there just in case. Oh, dude, what if Dwight Yoakum showed up from Slinkblade, dude? That guy's shit. One of cinema's greatest villains. Who's the

who's the dad, the drunk dad in that movie? It's another country musician. It's a country music. Tim McGraw. Yes. I think it's Tim McGrath. He's fucking wasted through that whole movie. He's being the shit out to Taylor Kitch. The round here is the school fight where it's like, you know, Mila's like, oh, you got to get

upstairs. And here's like, bow wow, getting his ass kicked on the roof of the school. marry a teacher inside. And I'm in there saying keep going. Oh yeah. So good guys. In Japan, if you punch so fast, the teachers know they can't break it up. So they just don't even try.

They all have like speed guns like, I'm not going to do this. Oh, those fists and kicks are flying way too fast. They've seen it all happen. You know, they've got Mortal Combat and, you know. My fists only go 10 miles per hour. I can't, I can't keep up with this. But this is the thing from like the

high school movie or whatever that I do despise, which is Twinkie, the bow wow character, is that trope of like, I'm always making a sale and I'm selling things. You need Air Jordans. I got Air Jordans. You need an iPod. I got an iPod. I'm so good I could sell condoms to a monk. That's kind of funny. I guess. They don't fuck. It's funny. What would he need him for? And this kid sold him successfully. Yeah. Is this 1987 or 2013 or 2006. I think this story is just floating through time like some Dr. Strange

Spell was on it. But yeah, this, you know, he he's cool, say, hey, stop beating the shit out of my friend, please. But it's a real, but like, I need this kid to take a swing. And I get, like, this is where they're like, he's growing. Like, he didn't help the

chubby kid out back home, but he's going to help this kid out. And I was like, nice. Rock'em, sock him, him robots time and he's like you can have my iPod instead try not to break this one you have a good day now sir and i was like wait a second back in my school in texas california i let a i let a little boy get killed in the hallway i'm not going to let that happen again i watched that boy burn yeah they burned that fat piggy up man it was pretty pretty gross teacher slept through the whole thing man that's america didn't wake up all the screaming didn't

wake up and yes okay yeah maybe i ate a little of it with the boys too I also did that. Yeah, we would do it, Texas Barbecue. We love it. But no, now I will do something for my friend Twink.

But this, Bow Wow's like pissed off about it. Yeah. You know, he's just like, now everyone's going to be wanting to refund

on what your corrupt merchandise? Like, what is this? Don't you have fucking mask class? That's like, again, like such like a quick, like,

I mean, it's kind of a character, right? He steals shit and sells it to other people. We don't actually talk anything about it. He just gets in trouble.

It's the same obnoxious angle that they give fucking demone and fast times where that dude's whole thing is he fucking comes in two seconds and he can get your concert tickets. Yes. But Nila's like, wow, you handed that pretty cool. Let's go out on a date. This is

when they go on a date. It's like, this is the whole like, I'd have to put ketchup on it. She's like, well, she says initially like, yeah, my mom came from Australia. She was a hostess here and then she died and then like, D.K. Didn't D.K. say that like, yeah. She's a prostitute. Yeah.

She's like, oh yeah, your mom is biggest trick in all of Tokyo Jesus Christ, but it is a weird thing where she's like, yeah, she went to go work at the hostess station and never came home and they're like Ooh, that's brutal. You know, you know, she probably saw fucking Sean's dad

that was the last thing she ever saw. Oh, yeah, dude, that's a fucking David Fincher movie way to happen right there. The Tokyo Ripper. An Australian one, excellent. The Navy's involved somehow. It goes all the way to the top. Han, there's a nice little

bonding scene with him. And Han, this is where Han's like, I didn't need it. I almost did the show. He's like, I didn't need a good, you know, racer. Those are a diamond dozen. I don't give a shit about cars. I need someone I can trust to bring into my like side hustle of the criminal enterprise. He's got a good

line here where, because this dude's like you don't sound like you're from Tokyo or nothing. And he's like, yeah, I grew up in the States, uh, which Sun Kang did. He's a Korean American actor from Georgia. Um, And it's kind of, they take a detail from this movie and use it for the ninth movie, which is kind of interesting, where he says like, he got into some hot shit.

He's like, you know, when people in the States, like, when you get in hot shit, what do they do? Fleer to the border of Mexico. And he's like, Tokyo is my Mexico. Yeah. Which they link back in the ninth movie when they're looking around for clues and like, Han left, whatever. There's an apartment with the Mexican flag. It's kind of interesting. So.

But at least they brought that back, I guess. Yeah. there's like something from it you know um but yeah so this is their whole like bonding scene over the food you had a horrible life so did i we're both uh you know we both your parents are definitely dead mine might as well be dead yes uh yeah but then uh dk finds out that uh she's dating and he comes over beats the shit out of this kid he's like if you keep this up the next thing you're driving it's gonna be a wheelchair oh yeah dude take that motherfucker it's pretty And I mean, like, again, this is the Yakuza and someone, many people need to be like, dude, do not fuck with this guy.

That's the thing. It's like, he's kind of like, oh shit, he's a Yakuza. And he's like, well, actually his uncle is Yakuza. And he's like, I never fucking minded. Who fucking cares? Oh, yeah. We never. You can fuck with the families of gangsters. That's no problem. They like that. They love it. What mafia famously of all stripes hates their own family. but I think what is the funny line there though is he's like because Sean is like how could you do that man he's Yakuza and he's like no his uncle's Yakuza he likes playing gangster in his stock room which is pretty fucking funny well here's the thing when Sunni Chiba

shows up in the movie woohoo I love Sunni Chiba when he's like oh your friend Han is stealing from you I'm like is he because I've not seen any of that in this movie he totally talks about it dude There's a whole thing where he's talking about like, oh, yeah, like, I take this money and that's for me.

And then Sean is like, but O, D.K., don't get mad about that? And he's like, it's a criminal enterprise, man. We all steal from each other. There is a thing. He totally lays out. Han is totally skimming off the top, which again, Han, don't fuck with these guys, man. That's also not how crime actually works.

Yeah, it's like, oh, no, everybody's still, no, not really. But, man, it's a bummer that Sonny Chiba is drifting through this movie because I is right off for like Kill Bill kind of a resurgence for him I feel like he maybe because he just doesn't have much to do well they use the song from the same band from Kill Bill too the 5-6-7s

well that's right at the beginning they use the Barracuda yeah yeah that's too much that's too much and you know I recently watched I've been watching his filmography lately I mean the Street Fighter movie's amazing where are you are these like I've just been buying Blu-ray oh yeah because I was going to say is this the like

the unwatchable Amazon transfer shit because like there's so many cool movies that like when you get that on Amazon it's like oh this was like ripped from a burning VCR I hate that shit. No shout factory I think put out some and they're yakuza wolf movies which are also very good and very sleazy at least especially the first one and everyone should watch the yakuza wolf movies oh I have no doubt they're better than this movie

but yeah he comes on he's like hey you know you know your friend is fucking you over and therefore he's fucking me over and you're a fucking child kind of there's a weird thing and there is some good sunny Chiba acting here because it's kind of this goatee is deplorable it's a really bad goate

I mean find me a good one all right that's a fair point good portion of that is the hat the fedora there is doing it's a 2006 no one looked good I get it it's a pope's exorcist hat that he's got on yeah he walks in and get on a Vespa he walks in looking like Lou Bega

Yakuza number five But there's a line It's kind of insinuated That Sunny Chiba murdered his own brother Because he picks up the framed photo It's right after he makes the threat About like your friend stealing from me You should know that right

He looks at the photograph And he's like Oh boy I sure do miss your dad And like the line that's not spoken there Is like you remember what I did to him Because he's like fucking The funniest part is like

Sunny Chiba walks sounds like and a good fuck you to you sir goodbye and he leaves and this dude dk's just standing there crying i killed you fucking dad classic the classic like progeny of gangsters he's a total foolish shit coward yeah like you're classic what's his face in uh bidsen cassel and uh eastern promises oh yeah yeah totally similar character ted knight's nephew and caddy shack very similar these characters they show up everywhere he shows. So now he pulls a gun on Han. He wants to kill him. Yes. He rolls up to the warehouse. Han's got an interesting line here where he's just like,

what's the big deal that I took this money from you? Dude, you'd still be robbing tea houses if it wasn't for me. And I was like, ooh, the early days of like DK upstart shitty criminal. I'd see that. That's a good bonus feature I'd watch for 20 minutes. Busted into these tea house as well. He's like 50 year olds being like, what? There you go. You want the money? The flashback, 20 minute flashback. to the tea house robberies, that is your intermission. It's like, yeah, it's like intermission.

So it's not the sex. So it's not the sex this time. This time. Dude, I'm just saying give us a long bonus scene. Okay. That could be the intermission. Okay. That makes sense. You know, we, we rewatched In glorious bastards over the weekend. It was the first time I'd seen it in a while. And again, like, it's, QT is just one of those very, like, literary directors where like, again, that's a movie with chapters in it, just like most of his movies. You could do that here. because, again, like, when you get the chapter breaks in those QT movies, it's like, pause.

Time to go to the bathroom. How right? There's glorious bastards. It could be the same thing. Like, you know, chapter four, the race that kills Han, pause. Oh, wow, it's weird that they put that right there. I guess I'll see when I get back from the bathroom.

That would be like a QT thing, though, right? Like the death of Han or something like that. I do think, though, we need maybe, like over a hundred minutes before you start talking chapters in your movie. Yeah, it's like, Like, I just, there was nothing else in my theater, so I ended up going to see the not, the Sisu. Yeah.

And that movie has chapters. You can't have a 90-minute movie in chapter. No, no, no. You should call it a paragraph one, paragraph two. Subsection. And it's several, too. It's going over five. Like, I think there's six.

No, you can't do that. But yeah, so everyone's like, all right, let's start racing to the street. That's what we do. It's a fast and furious movie. They get in. They're driving. around. It's a good chase scene. This is where Morimoto fucking eat

shit. This kid dies, right? He's dead. Unless he comes back. I'm sure he's fine. I mean, you don't see him for the rest of this movie. Oh, yeah. Mr. Nobody's like, ah, here's a hologram for you as well. Maybe you know what they probably took, Mr. nobody took that little kid's body and replaced it with Hans or whatever.

Oh, nice. There you go. Take the teeth and rip the teeth out. No one was going to miss him anyway. Kurt Russell. I do think if you're going to, if you're going to do it, if this is real death, you should get what the character should like turn into the like an animated ghost like the weasels and Roger Rabbit and just blow it up

like that just to let me know it happened for real. Oh no, it could be hoggins. Yeah, that's proof he's gone man. See, look, he's flying up to heaven. Yeah, Paul looks great. You got it. I just, I can't believe all of the, the fucking rigmarole to bring this character back.

Like, if you were some tang, though, aren't you like totally flattered? It's great. Again, just twin brother is so I would, honestly, even the clone is easier. That's fine. Oh, no, it's to clone a hard. Hard too. He's still family, though, because it's the same genetic clone.

Absolutely. I mean, this is a franchise that already had a super soldier serum. Exactly. Clown is totally fine. I can't have cars in space. Leave it alone. Of course you can clone. That's before the jump.

But then you're doing this Friday and the 13th-esque thing where you're making this movie take place seven years later and it makes no fucking sense. pretty dumb we need what this movie needs this by the way this movie did not see barack obama coming is all i'm going to say he has no idea that baroque obama is going to win how how would they telegraph that in the movie i'm just saying i saw i was watching the uh the dnc 2004 that response was not worth shit Barack obama's not going to be anything i just saying specifically like this movie is so set in a Bush era

2000 6 2007. Oh yeah. And it just has no idea what the next couple of years are going to be. The good times we're never going to end. Exactly. The surge worked, okay? Yeah, this is my car. It's called mission accomplished baby. Hong Kong. That's why it's never fucking want to race.

I do think that this whole chase is really excellent. The car racing shit in this movie I still think is very good. They're drifted, baby. It's kind of wild because it's like this chase happens right when he like masters drifting. Sean's like, oh, I got it. And it's like, okay, cool.

You better be ready to put it to the test immediately because we're in a street race. And then, yeah, Han gets nailed by the Mercedes or whatever it is. The car blows up. And for the purposes of this movie, the dude is dead. Which is the right way to do it. And we all mourned for exactly two minutes. And then we're, we're going to get D.K. We're going to get them.

Because D.K. wants to get them first. He goes, Sean moves back with his dad's like, yeah, man, that dude I was hanging out with kind of got murdered. How, how's your prostitute doing? That's pretty good. This is crazy, though, because D.K. like, pulls this gun on him. Yeah. It's like, where do you think you're going or whatever? And then this dad is just like, not so fast, Drift King.

Oh, oh, yeah, you don't think the old time or heard of the Drift King. Tokyo? Oh, D.K. That's your name? Well, it's going to be Dick killed if you don't get off my lawn. I'm going to blow it right off. And then this, so this specifically right here, I don't have a problem that, you know, the mafia

is in this movie. We have seen children go up against the mafia before in things. It does not matter to me. What I do think is ridiculous is Sean's solution to this whole thing is he's going to take all of that money that Han was stashing away and he's like, well, I got to go.

See, Kamada. I'm just going to go to Kamada. We got to settle this like man. And I'm like, you can't even vote in the United States yet. What are you talking about? You got to settle something with a gangster. I'm going to go over there and get shot in my head. I just listened to a segment on NPR about the Yakuza. I think I understand all their ways and traditions. So I think I'm going to figure this out right nice, me and Kamada. I needed to watch that there. Paul Schrader movie to figure that shit out. Well, he wrote it, right? He did write it. with Bob Mitcham. I never saw it. Good movie. Yeah. Kind of long. I've never seen. What was the title? I meant to. The Yakuza. Oh, okay. Yeah. I was confusing with Black Rain in my head for a second.

Oh, Michael Douglas movie. Oh, yes. Yeah. But we're also dealing with Japanese that I've never seen. That's the Yakuza. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But he's like, hey man, I'm some Gajian piece of shit that's not even taking my shoes off coming into your club or whatever. Here's your money. We're good, right? And it's like, well, no. And it's like, well,

What if I challenge your nephew to a race and the loser has to leave town? You ever see that movie Better Off Dead where they're skiing down at the end of it? I don't really have a booger type on the side of me, but that's kind of what I'm thinking is the end of this movie. Mr. Commoda, before the Star Wars George Lucasman made those pictures, he made a movie called American Graffiti, and it features a really boss scene where they, drive. Now, I think we can get something. We can get something going here, Mr. Kamada. All right. Now, actually, let me just, we're going to go man to man here, monosy monos. That's not something you say that much, but here it is. That much. That there's Mexican.

You ever hear that there? You ever hear that there, Kid Rock? What I want to do is ball with the ball, you understand? Ah, bar with the ball, yes. I would like to get into the pit and love someone. The stakes are, if I lose, I get to go home to America, which I'll probably do. it anyway. And then if your nephew loses, you know, as a Japanese guy, he can't go to the number one city of Japan. Yeah, his home, his homeland. And that's not dishonorable or nothing, right? You remember, sir, I'm sure you're familiar with this. You remember about, oh, Lord, it'd be about 2000, maybe 2001, the undertaker and mankind fought in a loser leaves town match. And whoever lost,

you know, I guess, well, they just had to leave with the town that the pay-perview event was in. I get the stakes for that were kind of confusing. picturing Sunny Cheap and like nodding along. Oh, yes, the undertaker. Oh, I know him well. Ah, uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh, yes, Paul Behrer was his manager.

Oh, so it's interesting. I was funny. I'm the head of the Yukuzum. You're just some guy jean asshole fucking with my money, which usually results of death because I would just shoot you right in the head and you're in my club, but I would just murder you.

Take this money. No, but I will acquiesce. I would love a good race. on the mountain. You know, it's also with the undertaker is going to be there. Oh, shit, I got to produce the Undertaker in five days. If D.K. didn't have the hubris

to be like, I beat him before. Yeah. And then now Sonny she was just like, well, then you can do it again. Right. Yeah. It should be so hard for you to do it again. If he just shut the fuck up, swallowed his pride during this, your problem might have been killed and dumped in a river. Your uncle has a collection

of severed tongues in one of the room. Sure. Of his house. I'm sure it's fine that he would just kill this kid. Yeah, he's just talking, uh-huh, that head would look good on my wall. Yeah, no, continue, yeah, go ahead. It would be funny if he was like, well, you know, it's been a slow month around here. Yeah, we've been so busy, you know, doing all our mafia ing that we have in time for fun. And if it's one thing, you know, me, Mr. Kamada is the head of this outfit here.

I like my gangsters to have some fun. So this car race, something to do for the fellas. We can get out on a Tuesday night. It'll be nice. By the way, Lucas Black's head on the wall, you better have a stud finder. Get a couple, at least two or three mollies in your screw to hold that fucking noggin on the wall.

My God. Yeah, you're going to screw that in that yet. Better have anchors in the wall first. Seriously. Go rip right out of that sheet rock. But then, uh-oh, they blow, they, that lousy son of a bitch,

D.K. fucked with their car. So now he doesn't have a car to race. The cops took them all. Oh, the car. Because they go to the garage and there's just, like fucking police tape everywhere. They're just like, the coves took everything. Oh, except

the beat up Mona Lisa. All that's left is the squid game bunks that we sleep in and this piece of trash that I turned into trash. We do have a couple of those like, uh, the, what do they call them? The, those hotels

the dormitories, yeah. No, we're no, even smaller. It's like pod things. The pod hotels. Because that's what Han, you see that when they first walk to his garage there's like a row of like four pods and then another row on top and fucking bow wow is definitely getting in one with a lady oh yeah uh but yeah so the end it turns out the engine on that car is totally fine so we're putting this engine in the dad's muscle car and again this has to be a thing where the dad is helping them do the fucking repairs it's all a

montage the dad like nods like now we are okay but no there needs to be like you know dad i totally rude dish one up, but if I just get one rate, you know, like a seed in a movie that would happen. Yes. And the dad is like you have proven yourself to me. Because he doesn't have, they try that and it doesn't even really come to anything because it's just this like, because he's, the dad

is like, you should, this is stupid. You should just get out of here or whatever. And he's like, dad, I can't keep running from my problems anymore, whatever it is. And I'm like, all right, but all of this could be accomplished by like you just showing the father and son working on the car together with everybody. Yes, exactly.

And the dad's like maybe paling around with bow wow or something. Everybody's getting along in this montage. He stops, you know, having sex slash beating up sex workers. And he puts that money towards the new car that they're going to make. He takes off the knife dildo from seven. He's like, you know what? This is enough of this. I'm going to have, I'm not going to have any hookers this weekend so that you can afford your car.

He's got the knife dildo and he's just like, my son told me to hawk it. And I did. So whatever, man. They have the big race, you know, down the mountain. Drift Mountain, baby. Drift Mountain. There's some, like, Nila has some story about, like, you know. It's where drifting was invented in ancient Japan.

They used to do with horses. Oh, yeah. Do you ever try to see someone drift a horse cart? Holy shit. Instant fatality every time. You just pull that e-break, which is, I don't know, it's eyeball. The base of this mountain is built on horse ankles from hundreds of years. Yeah, the mountain's only

high, but then all the horse bones takes that elevation. Well, with all the horse drift as we were doing. Yes, it would be called a drift hill, if not for the horse ankles. So, you know, whatever. This races at night, kind of conveniently, because we're doing a little bit of CGI cars. We are. I wish I could see more of it.

We're doing a lot of fucking, we're watching this on our tiny, tiny, tiny Motorola cell phones. What is this? What is this? What is this? It's fucking flip phone network that they have though like this is a live stream that they're all like like giving footage to i don't understand it don't make eric don't make the 2013 joke okay japan isn't like known for technology right now okay famously behind us they're behind us by like fucking two decades we do one too many like holy smokes the tires going over the cliff

and i'm like you get like two of those it's pretty hair raising you do seven of them that's a problem It is the least exciting race of the movie by a lot. Yes, I agree. And when, when, DK rolls over, this is when the movie is in total conflict with itself. Because, like, you know the yakuza parts. And then he dies because that,

that settles the score with him and Han. Right. But then the high school bullshit part is like, no, he lives, that his uncle is like, you've been a naughty boy. And we go the other way. You know what I mean?

Yeah. So I mean, she was just the cool dad. Like, you kids can have wine coolers in the classroom. As long as I'm home and you kids aren't driving, you can have the wine coolers in the basement. You're right. It takes the teeth out of anything.

Yes, he needs to die because he killed my favorite character of the movie. You know what I mean? That's movie math. Even if he lives through this, like have the uncle kill him. Yeah, or like imply like, oh, we'll be, he'll never be in Tokyo again or anywhere else. Yeah, totally. And like some like sunny, Chiba Lackey like gets in a car. and drives after him or something.

That would be kind of cool. I'd like that. Because if they insinuate this dude had his own brother killed or possibly even did the deed himself, he's got no problems killing the shitty nephew. Also, I mean, we're in fast and furious here, folks. DK can come back from the dead.

Yeah, of course. That's so chivalry. Mr. Nobody's got sticky fingers with the soul. So many holograms. Ooh, maybe though, it's like D.K. Like, Kurt Russell's like, yeah, he was way too mashed up there, man. But we made him into a robot kind of.

The head didn't survive It just got the body And a fucking robot And we put a robot brain on his body That's what survived Sounds excellent Yeah you know But the day is saved

And you know He's got the lady friend now And we go back to the parking garage But this is when a couple of people At a test screening said zero And they're like No this movie doesn't work anymore Yep

Because this movie This movie here is like Halloween 3. If at the end of Halloween 3 Michael Myers came in and like challenged fucking Tom Atkins to a street race because it's like everybody's

hanging out having a good time and then Bow Wow is like hey man there's some guy here to see you says he knew Han and he's like I ain't racing to not and he's like said Han was family and you fucking know the second that F word was out of the theaters people were like

going fucking crazy you know, and here he is Vin with, I think he may have had this car like imported over to Japan for this whole thing. Yeah. I think it's like his car like, you know, he likes those American Muscle. Yeah, yeah. We filmed in LA

probably. Yeah. And it's just like you know, you ready to go kid? Oh yeah. Oh, let's do it. Blah, blah, blah. I'm a friend of Han. And we sort of just like race off and that's that's the end of it. Except you get, I mean, one that terrible

Fast and Furious song. And also, some of the absolute worst credit crawl I've ever seen. I turned it right off. I don't know if there was a stinger? There's no stingers, but you can't at any time read the credits really because so it's like white credits over

black background. And then they've got like skid marks across the whole thing. So it's tired tracks everywhere. And just like my underwear. The text, it's like a bad screensaver. It's like it kind of just like rotating back. and forth and then spins around

and settles itself for a second. I was the gaffer. Let me fucking have my moment. Dude, and like you're trying to I'm like, okay, so who was this person? Text flips around. What was the name of that character? Text flips around. I was getting nauseous. And the movie was over with and I was still I was just dumb man. But that is the end of the movie.

Yes, they have spawned at least as of a few weeks from now. Seven more or eight more, if you count of Hobbs and Shaw of these movies. But final thoughts. and recommendations. Chris Cabin. I enjoy this. I'm not going to say you have to run out and see it. If you know, if you have a, I think it's a good lazy afternoon movie.

It is essentially like a karate kid type thing where it's like, you know, you're learning something new, I guess, vaguely. But, you know, it's enjoyable in that way. I actually, I like that the Fast and Furious movies get more insane. I say go more crazy. That's my always my note with this kind of movie. Oh, yeah. And by seven, they're starting to get real nuts, but it fucking sucks. But anyway, yeah, I enjoy this. I think it's totally fine. I kind of have no opinion about Lucas Black.

He's fine. Bow Wow, I, that's fine. That's fine that you did that. Steve Zadak. Yeah, I famously don't like these movies. Famously. Because I mention it every time we talk about him. And I'm quite famous these days.

No. And I just, no, I just, I don't. I've never liked any of these movies. This one may be. is the one, like, if somebody was like, you have to watch a Fast and Ferris movie or I'm going to shoot you in the head tomorrow, like, maybe just put on that Tokyo drift, because it's the least like the rest of them. It's got the least of the characters that I absolutely hate. I just don't have fun with those other movies, but this one's like, again, I actually, again,

there's a world in which this is just a high school movie with the Tokyo drifting, and I'm having a much better time because I think that it doesn't carry the rest of those stakes well. and it just sort of it's a mishmash of things it's a not recommend but it's probably my highest recommend of the Fast and Furious franchise there you are Eric Siska

yeah no what Chris was saying about the karate kid thing is the karate kid had so much heart you gave a fuck about him getting through school that's true you cared about the girlfriend relationship you cared about the mentor relationship I just wish

I had something to care about here but it is I'm sort of like Steve where I don't like a lot of these movies and I don't like this one much either but it is one of the more watchable ones. I just wish like even in genre of filmmaking, if we can just being like, you got

to give a little something to it. So it's a non-recommend towards a light recommend. That's just me. It's a recommend for me. You know, I think it's no secret. I think I probably like these the most, which is weird because I feel if you listen to like our Fast and Furious episode, I'm like

absolutely not. Fuck it. Fuck these movies. Well, that first one, fuck that movie. Yeah, but I mean, like, I don't know what happens. Something along the way just clicked differently. And I'm like, yeah, I'm with you, Chris, like, the dumber, like, go to fucking Mars. I don't care. That's, I was waiting for it.

I'll beat you on Jupiter, big guy. Oh, yeah, and we better not be swapping nothing. It's just alien fighting. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, this one, these all, like, play differently for me every time I rewatch them. Yeah. This one, the last time I watched it, I looked at my letter. bucks is like one and a half stars this I was like you know three and then sunny

cheapas hat brought it up to like a three and a half I don't know like it's whose line is it anyway man ratings mean nothing sure these movies just do it for me and I don't know why I do a driver's license that but other than that my association with car and car car culture is non-existent maybe that's why maybe I feel like the alien looking at all you're like living through the movie now yeah vicariously I'm drifting dude I'm invited to the barbecue with Vin. Which that is, man, that's the one thing, though. Actually, the second one doesn't it?

Those two movies ending without a barbecue, that's unbelievable. Unbelievable. That is going to do it for this episode, gang. As always, if you want more, we ate movies, check out patreon.com slash we ate movies. We got a real banger of a we love movies episode this month, all about James Guns, Guardian of the Galaxy, Volume 1. Which, actually, to Eric's point, they really go out of their way to make you care about those characters. Which we talk about in great detail

We do, we do We enjoy the movie And I'm sure it's going to be very interesting The response to that Warm performances that are from people That aren't Lucas Black This poor guy is just getting dragged He's great in Friday Night Lights

I really like him Friday Night Lights He got $4 billion For being on four million episodes of NCIS Oh is he on that? I don't know which one Chatt Nuga Whichever one he's in

I'm your naval lawyer here in Chattanooga. That's interesting. I didn't know he's on one of those shows. What was that? He was in that Robert Duvall movie that wasn't half bad. Slick Blade's a really great movie.

He was kind of a good little kid actor. What is that movie? It's a two-hander. It's like him and Robert Duvall. Fuck, I forget what the name of it is. Lucas Black and Robert Duval. Yeah, I forget what it's called. Here it is.

He was on NCIS New Orleans. Not Chad Nugia. I apologize. Well, that kind of makes more sense. you know, Port City and whatnot. Well, Steve, while you got that up, fine, is Robert Duvall? Is it promised land? No.

Well, do you actually go and get low? No. It might be get low. That's one with Bill Murray. No, it's Robert Duval and Bill Murray, and he's in that as well. Okay. He's also in a stay tuned, by the way. The Paul Bettney Evil Angel movie Legion.

Oh, Jesus, Christ. Oh, I never bothered with that. That's a awful fucking movie. You and, yeah, see, I'll watch the car action movies and not hate them. Steve will watch the fucking religious devilish movies. Any day, devil horse shit, I'll watch it. Speaking of stay tuned like stuff. We got so much stuff on Patreon.

The Nexus. We talk about Star Trek episodes. Melro 2.0. We talk about Beverly Hills. We know. Beverly Hills Wino, I almost said. That's good. You sound like a Beverly Hills.

I'm about because we just got back from sunny California. And I am a Beverly Hills Wino. Beverly Hills 9-2-0 and Melrose. place. We recap episodes of that. The Gleap Glouclery where we talk about Star Wars characters this month. The Fat Dancer, I didn't call her that. They did in the end credits from Return of the Jedi.

Yarna Del Gargan, going to be on the show. We've got animation, damnation, of course, and not this month, but next month, you can show up for once in a lifetime. We're doing those of course. That's right. Next month on Once in a Lifetime will be our return to stalked by my doctor.

That's right. You're going to want to catch up. Those are some legendary episodes we've done on those Lifetime movies. I got to say, our Lucas Black impression, very close to the Eric Roberts movies. Just put that out there. But as always here on the main feed, we hate movies as a new episode next Tuesday. Steve, what are we talking about? We're doing a lot of great live episodes for people in public. But now we're doing one for you, the listener.

This is our episode from Toronto, Canada, on Saw 4. Oh, yeah. Now, if you want to talk about a movie that is filled with rich characters, characterization and high stakes and fleshed out. Fast and Furious is much better than Saul. Yes. So until next week, when we're live from Toronto talking Saw 4,

I've been Andrew Jupin. Steven Zeta. Eric's sister. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. That was a hate gum podcast. Hi, I'm Tim Platt. I'm Carly Minardo.

I'm Christopher Hastings. And I'm Joe Lepore, and we're all cast members on the Narrative Play podcast, Root Tales of Magic. And now we're on the HeadGum podcast network. Um, but what is Root Tales of Magic? Ooh, um, good question. It's kind of like, um... Oh, it's like if Bugs Bunny was the dungeon master for the cast of Clue.

Yeah, it's like a yucky version of that show Merlin. Remember Merlin? Oh, so it's like Root Tales of Magic is if the Muppet Babies were tried as adults. Oh, I think I get it. It's like if the Bible was translated into English. Tim, Root Tales of Magic is like Redwall, except they aren't mice, and they do have sex. DM'd by Branson Reese from FX's Swanboy And also featuring Ali Fisher as Cordelia the Sasquatch

You simply gotta download the fuck out of Root Tales of Magic On Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or wherever you get your podcasts And be on the lookout for new episodes every other Tuesday