We Hate Movies - S13 Ep686: American Pie 2 (with Angelica Jade Bastién)

Episode Date: July 18, 2023

On this week’s show, it’s the penultimate episode of the season as the guys welcome back friend of the show and Vulture writer, Angelica Jade Bastién to chat about the abysmal teen sex comedy sequel, American Pie 2! Does this movie qualify as a Boob Comedy? Are these guys even friends who still like each other? And shouldn’t some of these characters been written out for the sequel? PLUS: Doctor Strange casts a spell to try and shave 30 minutes off this movie! American Pie 2 stars Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, Seann William Scott, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Chris Klein, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Natasha Lyonne, Tara Reid, Mena Suvari, Chris Owen, Eugene Levy, John Cho, Shannon Elizabeth, and Jennifer Coolidge as Stifler’s Mom; directed by J.B. Rogers. Want more WHM? Join our Patreon fam today and instantly unlock hours and hours of exclusive bonus content, starting as low as $3 a month! Be sure to get in early and get your tickets for the WHM Holiday Extravaganza where we’re talking The Santa Clause! Check out the WHM Merch Store featuring new Skeleton Juice, Spring Tour 2023, KONG & DILF Den designs! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/whm and get on your way to being your best self. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

this week on the program bust out your super glue and get ready to repeatedly humiliate yourself in public because on this episode we're chatting american pie too i'm andrew jupin some 40 stephen sadax i'm erican pie too uh chris 182 and i'm angelica jade bastien and we hate movies Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. That's right, the summer blockbuster extravaganza goes to boob comedy town and here to talk with us about it because, you know, We got to bring in the heavy hitters, the big guns when we're talking salacious, gross movies. Our dear friend, the critic and culture writer for Vulture. Angelica Jade Bastion, back to we hate movies. Hello, pal. E'all. Here to bring some nigger shit to we hate movies.

Thank you, Angelica. I mean, we need it. This movie's white as hell. I was literally counting. I was counting. It's like this podcast. That's true. That's why you bring me up.

Yeah. There's a bit of bad wardrobe here because I think it's Kevin is wearing an old whitey shirt a shirt that says old whitey. I'm like, you don't want to draw attention to that. It's already very obvious. You don't need to say that. You're all old whiteys. Well, they're like, they're young whitey. Young whitey.

They're acting like old whiteys. They're old whitey by the time you get to American reunion, their wedding, whichever the fuck won is. reunion the last one I think this is a movie from 2001 by the way that's right came out literally a month before 9-11 so you can feel

31 days before the world change features the world trade center in one shot of the film and apparently that shot was filmed in downtown Los Angeles and they superimposed wow that the trade center over it really that was a fake shot that is what kind of triggered the cosmic event

that would follow. I see. And they had Spidey's webs all over it. They had to get rid of. Oh, that's right. They cut those down. They would have caught the plane, by the way. Spider-Man could have been a hero, but he did nothing that thing. Welcome to my parlor, so the Spider-20747 Jet. Come on. All right.

Yeah, I ain't saying shit. Don't get that's for the in-house dirtbags. Listen, this is crazy. You guys are going to appreciate this. This movie was directing by some fella named J.B. Rogers, as far as I could tell, the only other directorial credit worth a goddamn, and it's a total stay tuned. This motherfucker directed the film C. Arnold Run. Oh, wow. Yes, I knew you would mention that. Oh, my God. Am I dumb? What the fuck is that?

No, you're definitely not dumb. It's a, no, you're not dumb enough. Yeah, precisely. It is the made for TV USA Network original film, I believe. that has Yergen Proknau starring as Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yes, baby. From like his bodybuilding days up through running and winning the governor's mansion. And it wasn't the young one? Isn't it the son of the beach guy is the younger version? There's some other hung as the playing.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that was it. My God. But it's Yergan for like the movies era and Arnold political era. To get into American Pie, I'm curious, because, I mean, we all did the first episode on American Pie, and I think we all kind of, I know where everybody stands. Angelica, you are significantly younger than us and also a black woman.

So very different. What was your experience with the American Pie averse as it was happening? It was versusing you, maybe. I never like this fucking whack-ass shit. No, I was aware. I like definitely watched for some, I watched up to wedding. Okay, wow. So people in your circles were like, let's go watch.

this movie kind of thing? No, no one, no Negro I knew was interested in this. I was literally like, oh, Alison Hanigan, who played Willow on Buffy's in a movie. I guess I'll support her crazy. Hey, it's fair, she is the absolute best part of this movie by a country mile. Absolutely. Yeah. It's not saying it's time, but it's the best.

It's really not saying a ton. It's really not saying my tantra. I mean, you could tell everybody who's, who ever had like, even a semblance of a career outside of these movies really shines in these movies and then every but it's also besotted with people who are only in these movies for a reason. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a really good point. Yeah. That's, oh. We'll get to that motherfucking pale ass bitch. But like that's a good point, Steve, because like while the movie was wrapping up, my boyfriend came out of his office and was looking at it. He was like, basically said like, damn,

these bishops don't got a career. Like literally moments after these movies end, Hollywood is like, oh, wait, we're moving on to a different white guy. We're now onto a different kind of white man. Jason Biggs, you must go. Which, thank you. Thank you, whoever decided that in Hollywood because watching this movie, I was really annoyed at looking at some of the faces.

I was like, y'all aren't even cute. And, like, y'all are assholes to everybody. They're awful people. they don't look good, they're dressed terribly, and keeping the streak alive, Jason Biggs sweating through this whole movie. That's a slippery little fucker. I mean, I do think it makes sense that Jason Biggs's like final thing

before he really was out of the public eye, I think for good, was a Woody Allen movie and one of like the worst of the bunch, I would say. Well, he went to television sort of because he had a smallish role on the like first season or so of Orange is the New Black? The last I saw of him. I forgot about until my boyfriend brought it up. And I was like, damn, I forgot about that.

And I was like, I know I watched that. But their faces are just so boring. It's the most uninteresting. No character, nothing to grab onto white people faces. It's like looking at like an animal's face, like a cow's face or something, you know. No, I like cow. The least cows are personality.

Like the worst cow, if you could imagine such a thing. But that's a much better. Which is like whatever, because if we, we were watching, you know, like, you keep saying boob comedy, if we were watching ski school or fucking, you know, boom patrol or, you know, whatever 80s horse shit, where it's a bunch of like, shaw-eaten white guys looking and trying to find

some titties on the mountain or whatever. At least that has, like, the auspices of fun and, like, kind of like, there's, like, something to that that it's like, it's silly, it's schlucky and it's sleazy. Here, it's like, it's the sincerity that seeps through, like, fucking broken eggs. It doesn't feel authentically. sincere. It feels like, well, I guess we're not attractive enough to be like complete

assholes. So we're going to pretend to be nice guys. But for context, because I'm not really a boo comedy person, surprise audience. So I'm like, so I have a question for y'all just to give me some scaffolding and to think of like, what are y'all's favorite boob? Like, what's a boob comedy you'd be like oh that's fun that's like actually fun yet has issues but it's at least funny ski school is kind of that I don't know I think ski school might be it

because I've actually never seen meatballs or porkies I've never seen either of those folks I've seen porkies I've seen porkies okay as a kid way too young that shit is disgusting I was disgusted I mean disgusted both of those movies

are terrible I I guess I would count like Animal House and Caddy as boob comedies. I was thinking Caddy Shack is also kind of a boob comedy. It's also obviously Animal House. And I can give those passes because I, that's the thing.

I mean, here's the things. I just, I don't think you can call this a boob comedy really. It's a cock comedy. It's all about where their cocks are going. They're not really having fun or anything. It's just about them coming to terms what their cocks are not doing.

And it's, it's all over this movie. It's just like, we're not like they're not having fun having sex they're not flirting with people they're just talking about how sad they are yeah that's a big difference it's kind of closer in tone oddly enough it's a more adult uh summer rental with john candy yeah without the like regatta race at the end and that Steve I think was something maybe you were saying off the air is like there's no ultimate goal other than like the big party at the end of the summer but like they need to be trying to save the rec center you know they need to be trying to save the rec center you know they need to It needs to be something. They got to keep the boathouse in business or, you know, something. It's formless. That's stupid hot dog place.

Like, oh, no, they're going to shut down Snickies or whatever the fuck it's called. Sure. Oh, yeah. Or whatever the bullshit is. That was actually one of the, one of the only good jokes is when Jason Biggs sits down outside of the closed hot dog restaurant goes, shit. And then Finch is like, you can have, Jim, you can have hot dogs tomorrow. Yeah, I laugh. I was like, you know what?

for anybody. That's comforting at least. I'd be like, yeah, I can't have hot dogs. Here's another, here's another tenant of these movies, like, and especially like some of these big guns to like Animal House and Caddyshack that is absent here, which makes this awful, because it's almost like

the reverse of it. Those movies and ski school, Aspen Extreme, all of those movies, the setup is always slabs versus snobs. Yeah. And this, these movies, like the protagonist are the snobs. They're like more or less well-off white dudes and white ladies.

They're going to good colleges. They're all going to good schools. Not a care in the world other than like, I mean, the one dude can't even jerk himself off properly, which is a huge embarrassment. We're going to get to that super glue thing because I'm like, wait a minute. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait. I literally, okay, I literally had to use some glue like that, like a nail glue, like all those things. They smell very strong. And very quickly, you're like, damn, my finger is stuck together. And all I kept thinking, he got too many strokes off. We're going to get to that because the mechanics of it. You're totally right. He should have ripped his penis off.

I wish an account of the strokes. Yeah, I wish we had a real deal media department. We could put a video together and a doctor. And, you know, that kind of thing. I think, okay, I'm going to do it strange it because, like, he's down there kind of like, I would say least. three. He's enjoying it. He's enjoying it. He's really enjoying it.

That's the other thing. It's not like he notices something's off. This is, to him, another level is feeling this going on. Because it's like being caught inside of something. Yeah, it's a sawtrap. He's got to be like, what, 19 years old in this movie? Yeah, and like his friend has to explain to him what lube is. Are you fucking kidding me?

Well, I'm going to, I'm going to vaguely just go against. the idea that there isn't a final thing for them to do. Because the thing they're going to do is, of course, do what everybody should do and copy what Casey Affleck does. That's what, of course, everybody wants to do all the time. And you want to have

a big party. That's the thing. No, I know. Yeah, I said that. Yeah, the big party. The big party. But the thing, the reason that it doesn't really come into view as the big thing is because it's completely indifferent. It comes and goes. Nothing happens. It looks like the same party that I I've watched twice before in the movie.

You know what I mean? There's like the... Nothing happens. Everybody just traded Gap T-shirts with one another. Yes. I will say... Yeah, we're going to get to the costuming. I'm like, what the fuck were people wearing?

What the fuck is all of this? Ugly, disgusting. It's the year 2001, man. Or the year 2000, more likely. It's so bad. So ugly. But you know what's funny? You know what's real funny?

What's that? Better than now somehow. Yeah, that's true. Although it's weird because, like, I'll call this like TRL chic. All that shit's coming back and that's a danger. Yeah, because it inspired Al-Qaeda last time. Who knows what it's going to happen now?

Yeah. You know what to poke that bear again, dude? No way. They're ready for a comeback, too. You don't want to know what they can bring. They could go double, triple down. I'm scared. What these kids are going to bring back?

They don't understand. They haven't lived. You know what, it'd be funny. The one thing I know kids will never bring back, they ain't bringing back new metal. No, that's true. I don't know. I just spoke it into existence.

Yeah, you did. Now it's going to happen. Oh, from John Wick for the daughter of the Japanese character. She's a musical artist. That pop star. Yes, she's a music. And she samples corn all the time. Really? She's known for doing that.

I think the kids are into it, is my guess. Yeah, I think it's coming back. Don't just do corn, okay? If you're going to be about that life, be about that life. Okay. If we're bringing back 2000-E metal bands, get a little weird with it, people. Mudvane.

Mudvane, 2024. No, I was going to say, like, I don't know, talk about female-led metal bands that never got any shine, but had a fan in this girl right here, like arch enemy. Oh, wow. European metal bands that had a really cool,

very blonde, you know. I like that. Nordic. What was that? I like that. What was that lady-led? metal band. Like, Kitty? Kitty was a band.

Yeah, they were a good. See, I never liked Kitty. Oh, okay. Pretentious. And I was like, oh, kitty. Oh, see, the bands I be liking, you can't get them on a shirt and hot topic. Oh, shit. I make my own T-shirts. Oh, I was so terrible. DIYT?

Shit in 2001. Yeah, I was, I didn't have the money to be going to Hot Topic. So a lot of times, like my grandma would help make me clothes. And I still had the huge pants. did we do the food so ugly? And it would get so dirty by the end of the day. Oh, Lord, Jesus. 2001 was a dark time and we just need to let the kids know that. Yes, exactly. It really was. It really was.

You know why it was a dark time? Because Chris Klein was allowed to be in a major motion picture. Here's the thing. Write him out of the, write him and Minisuvari out of this movie. Oh, Oz is having a great time anywhere else. Also, just commit to a location. That's what boob comedies of the 80s had. You had like ski school or paradise motel and you're there. You're not like I'm coming out of college. Like they should set this in college.

Yeah, exactly. That's what I thought was weird. Yeah. Yeah. Like I guess to give some like plot context, one thing that's weird is the movie starts with them ending their first year of college and going off for the summer. Right. So basically you don't really have a lot of structure to a lot of what's going on in the movie.

It feels kind of scattershot. Yep. And so the main crew is like, you know, you get montages of them like kind of fucking around and what are we going to do till they end up deciding on the, you know, house by the lake. Which is they needed to get to earlier and commit to it. And don't go back to Eugene Levy non-stop during that time. Don't go home. Exactly. Don't go home.

Commit to the premise. It takes 35 minutes to figure out, let's do a lake house. Because, yeah, we start off with what we have to catch up with all of our characters. We do have the initial scene of Jim having. sex with. Jim. Jim banging Ava Crowder. I don't, I don't appreciate this. I don't appreciate this at all. Fame, uh, Joel Carter, I believe her, her name is.

That was wild. It's Boyd Crowder's former, uh, sister-in-law. I will not, I will not accept this that Jason Biggs was allowed to touch her. I will not. No, sir. Absolutely not. It's disgusting. You know, her father in this is portrayed by Larry Drake of Dr. Giggles, which was incredible to see. Dude, you know, Dr. Giggles is a better movie than this, by the way. Definitely. It is. Absolutely.

Deserved a sequel. It's immediate. She immediately regrets it, right? Because she's like, hey, let's just have goodbye sex. Like, maybe she found this guy attractive in the hall. It's like, it never happened. I'll probably never see this dude again. Let's just fuck. And then immediately he's like, oh, I don't know about sex.

I'm not, me and the sex, that's so good working time. And it's like, I'm going to go. This was a huge mistake. Here's the thing. Once he starts jabbing, you're out of here, right? Did Jellica, you're gone? Yeah, this was my note. His self-consciousness and blubbering,

because that's what he does, rather than the entire movie. It's like fucking like cry, talk, weird, whiny, bitch-ass shit. And I said, it's less endearing and more fucking annoying. It's so, he's so annoying. Because this girl, this girl's just trying to get dicked. And she's like, will you shut the fuck up,

you blubbering weirdo? Like, just get it in and get going. And then she has to guide. him like because he does not know what he's doing because he's terrible yes and i was just like i felt so bad for her i was like damn you're like oh okay like you know school's ending let's just have a quick fuck in our room uh in the room and then he's like oh but i don't know i mean i don't think i'm good what is that huh does it go here and i'm just like what the fuck is this it's just fitting a rod through like a cylinder or whatever they touch you that and come okay wait no no no no no no no

Kindergarten. Okay, wait, I'm not cosigned. Eric, I need a bigger explanation of this. Wait, just hang on. In case anyone missed it for a second, Eric said it's just like putting a rod through a cylinder, which they teach you in grade school. Uh-huh.

Okay, because you had like the shape, maybe it was, yeah, kindergarten with the shapes like, oh, the square goes to the square hole. Eric. So the round thing goes through into the round hole. You understand. You guys, you guys didn't have this in school? No, I had those, but at no point did a teacher tell me

that's what intercourse is like this series it's hem and hawing like what is even sex and it's like it's the most basic premise no basic that's actually true it's just no confidence whatsoever just completely gone and like the bigger thing I would say about this movie like yes we could talk about how like the party doesn't really it's not a big climax it doesn't really work at all climax but at least the first movie the the idea was like we are all going to lose our our virginity. That is a goal. There's a goal. There is a goal. The only goal is to have this vague party. Like that is it. And nothing else. Well, it's also you've got two characters. Move on, I guess, but then none of them really do. And get better at sex. Yes. So the ladies like

them. We're doing prep work. Like Jim is like, oh, Nadia is going to be here for the end of the summer. So that's like his thing is like, I'm just going to sit around and do basically nothing until the end of the summer. Good luck with the rest of the movie happening basically. I guess it's just him and Finch then that have that because it's not like we're like the only

scenes we get of Oz is him trying to have phone sex which is a terrible his form is absolutely terrible but you would clean the floor with this guy Chris. Come on. You got to know how to do it man. You're 19 years old crying out loud. Oz

and Kevin had way more to do. Jessica had more to do in the first movie. We had things to do. This is just hemming and hoeing and is sitting around with Jason Biggs. I clocked it like two or three times. Half the time Oz is just kind of laughing at Stifler's jokes in the background. I'm like, we don't need a

live audience. Like get this guy out of here. Even when he's given opportunities to like do something, right? So the part where Stifler's like oh, you know, I'm going fishing and he throws the football and Oz catches it and falls on all the girls. There's not even a moment where like you hear Chris Klein talking to these ladies at all.

Like the camera moves back to the beach house and you just see them talking and hear nothing. And then all the babes come to the party. And it's like you didn't even trust him to like have dialogue at all that would like entice these women to come back to the house. Because he's best in election mode. Like that's why I like that fishing scene is because like you are you're just saying like, yeah, he's a dumb pretty face. he's going to reel in like a couple of chicks for us to hang out with and like that is one thing

but like to have him be this sincere like I'm actually the role model here I have this serious relationship that you guys all want to have this I cannot jerk off yes whatever you're 19 shut the fuck up all of you shouldn't have any of this

relationship apparently there was a cheating subplot that got deleted and that was some sort of conflict that like would have been great Like, Mima Suvari shows up at the party. He's fucking, you know, fingering somebody under a table. Conflict ensues, you know. But so speaking of that, yeah.

Finger. Jason Biggs is like, ooh, vagina, this is now me go here. And he's having sex. That's what he's saying. That's right. Yeah, exactly. And meanwhile, his father played by the great Eugene Levy, who does steal every scene he's in,

because he's a fucking real comedian. Sorry, folks. And is like kind of barges in accidentally because it's like, oh, I wanted to have a beer with my son on the last day of college. Like, that's a cool dad thing to do. But that doesn't make any sense. Like, you didn't graduate. It's not a fucking milestone of any kind.

I was just saying these aren't real people. I was like, none of this makes sense. Like every decision I was like, what, why are they doing this? And then I was like, oh, that's right. They're not real people. It doesn't matter. But, yeah, he goes in, you know, of course interrupts Jim's bad sex, drops the beer on the floor. Adding the runtime of the RA having to let him in, like, why are we padding this fucking thing?

Yes. Yeah, totally. Also, that that reminds me, like, that R.A. is out in the hallway. There's a lot of other dudes out on that hallway. Why is it Ava Crowder decided like this was the guy? Like, I can understand if, like, you know, you're in some sort of abandoned dormitory and he's the only dude left. Yeah. But there's tons of other guys.

Maybe there's like a bad like STD scare. And they're like, you know what? Who doesn't have it? Yeah. That's true. Mr. Stutter pants over here. Definitely. You know what a deaf clean.

Jim. I like Sutter pants too. That's a good one. I like that one. Of course we do have a dumb as donkey dick reference to the first movie where the mom walks in. She gets horrified and oh my God. She dropped an apple. pie on the floor. What are you bringing

baked goods to move your son out? She thought he might want to fuck something. You know, he's a pie. Your last day. Hey, son, why don't you get drunk and fuck the pie? Why don't you get in front of us? He's moving out. Don't bring anything in because we need everything to get out of here. Why don't we get drunk and fuck the pie?

Absolutely. That's what it's there for. I guarantee you, I think it's like three writers credited on this movie, all three of them, if they work together or if they worked separately, we're tasked with like, what if he fucked the pie again? And they were like, oh, geez, how do we do it? How could he fuck the pie? The super

movie stuff, that is the new pie that is the pie. That is the pie. Yes, yes. We have correlations of all big scenes. Sure. It is essentially the same exact structure. But I guarantee you, some studio head was like, just give me one treatment of how he could fuck the pie again.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute. I don't know if he'd do it's a sequel it's wait a second it's american pie too we gotta up the stakes this kid's gotta fuck two pies and a donut yes yes so what we're gonna do what i decided we're gonna do is we're gonna have him at the end of the summer break he's gonna come back to the pie and fuck it finally the way it wanted to he's gonna finish it oh wait we can't get the pie okay we're gonna get Nadia back then i guess we'll use Nadia instead it's the less funny idea, but we're going to go with it. Just do another pie, like

lemon meringue? He could cream on the top. It's perfect. Banana cream, I think, is very, very right. I like those pies. I like those pies, too. But I hate how they're made. You just mentioned another character that

definitely needed to go in the garbage is fucking Nadia. Channel Elizabeth, absolutely useless in this movie. So, you slowly. Also, what is going on with her hair? I have questions about a lot of stylistic choices in this movie. I thought it was a wig.

Yeah, I think it has to be a wig, right? The first time you see her, it's like this weird, layered cut, but it looks like haphazard and, like, she was, like, quickly thrown into the wig and then thrown onto the set, and then she's like, okay, yes. And it's just like, okay, what's happening with this movie? But she's so pointless, and that accent, I was like, really like, like, this time I was just like, I mean, even then I was like, where, what? It's offensive. And for, and why are you so dumb?

Like, oh, no dumb. But like, for what to finally to just let you know that the Shermanator bust? Like, yeah, I guess. Is that the, is that the, that's why you have Nadia here? Well, no, the weird thing is it's to, um, the gym can finally reject her, though she's only been nice to him, to reject her, so that, like, he can be with the one he's supposed to be

with is Allison Hanigan, who's the good girl who's less attractive than Chan and Elizabeth, depending on literally anyone you ask. I mean, it's a fucking point flip. Like,

we often pretend that Allison Hanigan is some goblin queen in this film. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, not really. She's pretty attractive.

She's a turn of the century Allison Hanigan, and she doesn't sound like a fucking proto-Borat in this movie. Yeah. Exactly. Also, turn of the century, yeah. I'm saying it like that makes you feel weird.

It sounds fucking horrible, doesn't it? Yeah. Well, the turn of the century suggests that there's a disease involved, too. There was. In the 20-20s. It gets there. Yeah. We eventually get there.

But yes, we are all products of the turn of the century, whether we like it or not. I don't like that. That's the thing with watching a movie like that is about people this young, even though you these actors were oh yeah but all I kept writing and my nose was like damn this makes me feel like really old

because I stray don't give a fuck about these kids yep not at all although I do remember you know being the age I was when these movies came out totally caring about these characters and looking back on it now

I have not seen this one in I couldn't even tell you how long I didn't like it when it came out although I did sit in theaters because it was for free but yeah it was just like oh fuck none of these people are appealing anymore that's interesting well because also like you get a vague sense like the finch is into Japanese culture now he's into uh tantric stuff but like generally speaking you don't like the first one you had high school and that kind of covered a lot of stuff this one like they don't have anything that animates them what do they like what do they love do they do anything

I get no sense other than the fact that they want to have sex and can't do it. That's true. That's it. That's why that's the peril of setting it over the summer unless you really commit to that painting job they go on. And they don't. That's just set up for the lesbian scene. Yeah, Finch, his thing is that he is having a lot of sex because he's Eddie K. Thomas, okay, question mark. He's having a lot of sex, but he's never found anyone as good as Stifler's mother. The great Jennifer Coolidge, who was really smart to be only in one scene of this film.

And she lights up the screen in the last 36 seconds of the movie. Definitely. They go out on a high note. They go out on a high. Jennifer Coolidge and the Lemonheads, they really go out good. Absolutely. The other 103 minutes, not so much. That's just too many minutes for this.

That's a great one. it's way too many minutes an hour and 50 minutes are you kidding so many minutes and then it does also we'll get to it but the ending does feel like it kind of drag and I'm just like wait you could have just ended

like let's just stop why do we stop like right now what have we ended this movie right now and you know and it does feel like a retreadin parts because we start off with this giant fucking high school party that Stifler's throwing And it's just like, it's the most sad and pathetic thing I've ever seen. At least they do have Jim address it in a line.

Or are we the old weird guys trying to hang out with high school kids? Which they are. They definitely are. But the characters are like, nah. Exactly. It's like, dude, wake up, call. Get out of that party. And we have some great set pieces here.

First one being Jason Biggs goes up to a girl who he thinks likes him. And she's like, oh, aren't you that guy who busted his nut on the net? No. I think she says splat. Nadia, don't go, splat. Loser, pathetic. I think she's got my favorite performance of the film. Yeah, she's good. It's pretty awesome.

Splat. Because it's the, it's the, it's already, like the movie has been playing for like 10 minutes, like 10 minutes tops. And it's already the second Jason Biggs public humiliation. Sure. You guys love it. He's pathetic. That's all that he's good for. I mean, I, they also.

where you might have some tension again, Oz and Stifler still essentially exactly like they were in high school. Unchanged. Unchanged whatsoever. Whereas you might think it might be nice to have some drama. They went to school together.

They went in different paths kind of and now they're coming back and they got to talk about it a little bit. Boy, that might be a little bit interesting. Right. Like if Stifler went to business school and it was like a straight A student because business school's bullshit. Yes. That'd be funny.

That would be funny. That would be actually. funny. But it would be, like, the thing that is really weird is aside from Heather, which is the Minu Suvari character. Yes. Jason Biggs, I think they're all supposed to go to the same school, aside from Fitch, they're all, the rest of them go to the same college. So it's like, if you were fine with lumping like four or five of them into the same school, put everyone in the same school. Saved by the bellet, don't ask like a couple of them to come back. And it's got to be a college movie. It would do, it would do well with that, having those window dressings of that

college and being set somewhere would really help. And it's like, it wouldn't be that outlandish because Michigan has good colleges or whatever, big colleges. And now you cast, I don't even know, stay in the fucking Christopher Guestever since you love it so much. Michael McKeon has some crusty old dean trying to get these kids, you know, it needs an administrator beyond the guy that runs the band camp. You know what I think we're sort of figuring out right here is the direct to DVD movie American Pie presents Beta House or whatever the fuck might be in a more

accomplished motion picture than this movie. I would not be surprised. Because that's a movie that's set entirely in a college and nobody's going home at any point, I don't believe. Because you're at the beta house the whole time or whatever the fuck. Why Lee? So they're whatever. The next

thing is, so Stifler is like hitting on some lady who is really into him and they're going to get champagne and the milf guys are right it's the milf guys john choe and other guy that's their names I'm looking at a other guy

other guy here it says other guy on I'm db that's crazy does it really what else is other guy Benet didn't we look this up on the American guy I meant his no the actor's name is other guy not the character oh got it yeah other guy Wachens he was born other guy

there's a weird line that Jim has around here because also we're introduced back to Vicky and Jessica, Tara Reid, and his name is Justin, by the way. I looked it up, for real. Terra Reid and Natasha Leon, of course, as these two characters. And there's a weird, like, Jim line where he's like, wow, Vicky went to school and got

hot, and you're like, what? She's fucking Terry Reid. She's always been Tara Reid. It's the same exact person, Jim, what are you talking about? Like, Kevin's all like, hey, that's my ex-girlfriend. which Thomasian Nicholas, you got it. No, thanks. This is the dude that should have been left out. Leave him out.

Leave him out. And then Natasha Leon can actually be a bigger character because she's like, Natasha Leon, she's kind of funny and it's 20 years ago. So her voice is like way higher still, which is interesting. Just leave them all out. That's my feeling on the subject is like, because like, Thomas, you're right. Thomas Ian Nichols is a charm chasm. It's just empty down there.

And if you eliminate him, you don't have to have a, phone call with Casey Affleck later precisely, dude. I completely forgot about that Casey Affleck shit. It's like, well, what am I going to do to save the summer? I know. I'll call Big Brother. Now, to catch everyone up in the first movie,

Casey Affleck leaves behind some legendary book in the library that teaches you how to put your tongue on a clitoris and it's a revolutionary for these kids. It is a major moment. And in this movie, towards the end of it, like they find some like, mystical guest book that had been created and it's like look at all the fun photos from Casey Affleck summer we got to put our photos in those

like why is there another book why does that have to be a thing? It's the saddest thing I've ever heard that's so fucking stupid I will say when Jason Biggs gets back under his father's roof he goes into his room and he looks at a

board and it still has pictures of Nadia on it you got to do an edit my brother you got to you got to start putting these things down. People are looking at this. You know what that is there, dude? It's not just a picture of Nadia. It is literally an entire

photo collage of the first movie. It is just like just photos of all the wild shit that happened in that one school year and it's just left up there. I have a question for Angelica because I forgot this part. Did you remember the part where

Stifler gets a golden shower? Because I didn't. Oh, I did not remember that. And I was like, the mechanics of this, like, I get, I get being dumb. I mean, I'm not, personally speaking. But, but, like, this is like a level of stupidity that is like, you wouldn't know if you're being fucking pissed. Yeah. I think it's a thing where it's like, something about these kids, I think maybe the water in the town is fucked up.

And, like, their senses are permanently damaged because, like, Jim can't smell the paint fumes and can't feel like, the different viscosity and the glue. Stiffler can't smell the piss and is also like, oh, how did you warm up the champagne or whatever? What is any of the... You're getting pissed on, dude? Dude, you just saw the fucking bottle.

How would she warm it up in like 10 seconds? Shut the fuck up. No, it's not champagne. It's dick fear, turns out. Here's the thing. I think you're legally dead if you don't know if you're being pissed on. Literally, you know what I mean?

That is the, it's like, are you breathing? What is the cellular activity? And oh, if someone pissed on you, like, hey, that is the. That's right. Or thank you. An ambulance should come to take his organs to donate. You're not legally alive. If you just had a golden shower, you didn't know it.

Let me just say, though, quickly, that whole party scene is very unappetizing. Oh, yeah. I'm like, a party scene, like, with a movie like this, the party scene should, be alluring, right? You should be like, oh, this looks like fun. They're having fun. They're young. They're just being silly. Whatever. I'm like, I would never want to be in a motherfucking room any of these

people. That would be my hell. It would be like that. That just, no. It's nonstop bad vibes. Like, I think Stifler makes a freshman 15 joke to some woman. Oh, I wrote it down, baby.

Oh, yeah. Let me break out that quote because I was like, oh, my God. Like, I get, I get the bullshit, okay, with these movies. And I was like, damn, this dude, like, is, like, terrible. Yes. So he, he says, where is it? Where is it?

Where is it? Oh, I forgot. Oh, yeah. He does an upskirt gross comment earlier. Oh, yeah, that's back at school. Yeah. Yeah, like, he says, looks like someone gained the freshman 15 and then puts the hat over her face while he's walking away.

And says something like, just might help or something like that two times. And then like just before that, he like, he has some interaction with a woman and he's like, I think he fucks up her name or whatever. And he says, beautiful name. And then when he walks away, like it matters. Right. And I was like, oh, I hope you fucking die. That's another problem.

Is Stifler, it's like you're just make him a bad guy that you're supposed to know that this is not good, but instead they pull back and try to make him a person. And apparently there was even a subplot with Chris Penn playing his dad trying to humanize him. Yes, a whole sec. There's deleted scenes you could find on YouTube of Chris Pan in

this movie, which I don't know how it would be worse with him in it. You know, why not at that point? I mean, that's just depressing to hear that that would be one of his like last fucking goes is that. Chris Penn playing 40 years old in this film that he was cut out

playing a 40-year-old parent of one of these kids. My lord. I don't know about that. But, you know, the thing is, it's like you, they do something like that because it's like, this character like can't just inherently be an asshole, right? It's like something or someone made him this way. Right. So that's also bad too.

It's fucking stupid. That's the whole third one is, is because like he's the secret hero of the third one. Yes. Because he wants to get with January Jones. And he's like, I've charged my ways. I forgot all of this. So that's American Wedding? Yes.

Okay, we'll see you next summer, American. Oh, please, though. Oh, Jesus. Don't do that to him. I do think that, like, yeah, because, like, in the first of me, he's an, straight of antagonist, practically, like, right? Like, I think even Chris Klein might even punch him out or threatens to punch him out because he's, like, fuck with his relationship with Minasuvari or something such thing. Exactly. Like, oh, but the problem is this, you've got Thomasian Nichols, you've got Chris Klein, you have these, you have these.

charisma chasmacms and at least sean william scott Sean william scott has something you know what I mean is like energy tell me more what's this something he has I don't know I mean it's like he delivers his lines with enthusiasm you know he's like a step up

he is a step up from them because it looks like he's thought about at least some delivery yep yes yeah oh yeah he's trying to get some delivery there's a reason why he, like, had a little bit of a career after those movies is because he was the only one that was able to, like, deliver lines enthusiastically and show some kind of emotion. Better in Final Destination where he wasn't Stifler, you know.

And he gets his head cut off, which is pretty fun. Which is delightful. He should happen in this movie. I mean, of course, he also appears in the greatest film ever made, Southman Tales. Oh, I thought you were going to say Mr. Woodcock. No, not Mr. Woodcock. That's the second best, of course. I got to go back to Mr. Woodcock.

Anyone remember Mr. Woodcock? I missed that one. It's him and Billy Bob Thornton's like a mean Jimmy Bob Thornton is fucking his mother. That's the whole joke. But he was also like an old teacher of his or something. His old teacher, but the whole joke of it is he's banging his mother who is Susan Sarandon.

And like your old coach is fucking your mother. And that's for 90 minutes. Wait, Susan Saranan having sex for 90 minutes. It's called Mr. Woodcock or to write this down. Honey, you won't believe this. It's a Billy Bob Thornton movie. He's the whole family in here. You know, I just found in my notes

one of just Steve Stifler's most disgusting lines is when he is indeed getting that golden shower and he yells out, bathe the Stiffmeister. Oh, yeah. It's pissed, dude. I'm sorry, it's hot piss.

It's hot, salty piss. And he's licking it. He's like, oh, yeah. And it's, and it's, like... Totally into it. Come on now. Totally into it.

And I would say... The tainted lead in the town's water supply fucked up his tongue and he can't taste all the saltiness of the urine anymore. That's the problem. This is the same town

as from a civil action. This is the same exact town. Also dark waters. The same exact place. Crooked Dan Hadea fucked them all over. It's like what the kids are turning like yellow or something in civil action?

yes it's no good Eric I would say it would be so cool if you gave one of these movies to John Waters and like this is an awakening moment for Stifler and he's like I like getting pissed on I loved that that was fantastic that would be beautiful

that would be like again something that would at least be interesting but of course he immediately has to be horrified although I kind of give it not too horrified he just kind of walks in and like it says I've been pissed on and that's kind of it and then you cut to the next scene

you're right Chris if he had some realization he's like wow last year at that high school party I chugged a bunch of seamen and that was awesome and now at this party I chugged a bunch of pee and that was awesome too

I'm into it water sports and fluid play I'm all about it I mean it's more it's more relatable in a way than than Finch's like tantric and meditation and all that. Yes.

Well, it's like, yeah, that whole shit. It's all eyebrow raisedy 2000's buzzword. Like, could you imagine a kid was into this stuff? Yeah. Well, that's like his,

that's like the, the Finch like copy from the first movie, right? Because like it's not, it's no longer interesting or like exotic in any way that Finch was the kid at the high school party

like sipping from a flask when everybody else wanted beer. Like now you're in college and like, yeah, of course you've had whiskey. So it's like, what's the next thing oh everyone's trying to run around and just like bone everybody's brains out but this is the guy who's taking this more mature adult look at sex and intimacy and getting into

the tantra and everything and like I don't give a fuck man because part of that shit like most of his role in this movie is like he's just looking through a book and meditating and you know almost having orgasms like it's completely unexciting and I thought yeah you know Eddie K Thomas was pretty a pretty funny part of that first movie. And it's just like, it's nothing in this. Because he's, he's literally studying. Yeah, and it's such weird energy to be bringing to, like, painting a house. I don't know.

Being on the beach. Oh, yeah, I'm thinking of tantric exercise. Like, I don't want to think about you thinking about your own boner. Like, go away. Precisely. Do your own thing. It kind of reminds me of this funny thing that happened this weekend where my boyfriend, who's really into anime and cosplay.

So we ended up going to Blurred Khan in D.C. this past weekend. Okay. Nice. And it's like this convention that's all black nerd. Okay. That's where I got this. That's cool. Where I got my Sailor Moon nail charms.

It was a lot of fun. But we were like in the gaming area and this dude shorter than me, and then much shorter than my man. I don't know why I'm saying that, but it's just giving you flavor. This motherfucker looks at us and he's like, damn, I'm hungry. But I got to get to the hentai viewing room. I was like, wait, what? There's apparently a room. Yes.

Yes. We're watching, like, I guess, anti-movies. Okay. And I was just like, and he was like really energetic about it and like kind of, we didn't know this man. He literally just came up to us to tell us. he was he really wanted to go and he made definitely made it be like he knows you like anime that's that's that's that's the next step he just had to get that energy out of there like it was just all bundled up in there he just had to get it out so maybe he was trying to figure out he's like

oh fuck like does anybody can i bring hot food into the auditorium for the hentai screening anybody got to be pissed off if i bring a tray of hot dogs in here some swarma yeah yeah yeah yeah i was just like oh okay sir What level of... Is that man versus man? Is that man versus society? Is that man versus nature? There's also a guy named Stifler in it, though.

So that's good. It's like a demon from Japan. I have no idea what kind of hentai it was. Maybe it was kind of like the entire movie I was starting to watch last night. Sure. Me and my boyfriend couldn't finish it. Because it was rapy. Really?

Everything was a rape. Yeah, no fact. Which is why they should make hentai. where they just rape a pie. No. More innocent. Japanese pie. It would be great movie.

American hen pie. Yeah, there you go. There you go. American pie, too. Yeah, there we go. Here's something that's a bit of bullshit. You're getting this idea, you know, this idea 30 minutes into this movie that you're going to go and, you know, drown your sexual sorrows at a beach house and hopefully you find

some babes and whatnot. So we're off to Lake Michigan. where you, like, at the last second, rented this huge, gorgeous house that was available. Like, the only way this house is available at the last second for an entire summer and a very popular vacation spot like this is if it's, like, aggressively haunted. And I'm not talking about a soft haunting where it's like one little like bump in the night or something. I'm talking aggressive as Amityville horror. Get out. Better movie, man.

Horny ghosts. these kids have to contend with someone more like themselves. Well, that was actually a boob comedy. Eric, what was the school spirit? School spirit, yes. That is a haunted boob comedy. A thousand years ago on a side order of sleeves and don't hold it against us, whatever

god awful thing we said. Another idea is what if instead of it being haunted, it's in the deed every day at 6 p.m. it turns into a hentai screening room. No matter what, at 6 p.m., there is a line out the

It's like, well, this is where the Hentai is shown. Sorry, guys. You guys got to get out of here. For an hour. You got to let that whole audience in with as many hot dogs as they want because those guys are going to be hungry. They have vendors in the hentai room who are just like calling out hot dog. Hot dog. Now, ladies, these kids are putting my kids through college. That movie theater floor could impregnate you.

Cabab. Would you like a kebab for your hentai experience? what have I done you knew what you were doing you opened a portal or Pandora's WHM box absolutely so their whole thing too is like

oh well Kevin's like bad news guys I just don't see how we're going to be able to afford this even with summer jobs so we have to bring Rich Stifler who's like paying for the whole thing and here's how you know you have to regret this decision immediately when this dude

Steve Stifler is standing on the like the bed of your pickup truck air fucking nothing because he's that excited to go on this vacation you got to turn around and this is where we get some 41 needle drop for the first time and not the last

first of many this is fat lip and then I think we get in too deep towards the very end at least you're playing the hits you know and I hate I hate some 41 and I do think pop punk was a mistake By and large.

It was a mistake. With few exceptions, but yes, it was a mistake by and large. I'll agree with that. Thank you. I don't mean to put you on the spot.

I know we all have different. I was new metal kid. And I was wrong. I know that I was wrong. You don't have a fucking leg to stand on. That's why I'm keeping cool. Don't worry about it. I think you,

okay, maybe maybe that's, you just were on my side of the fence, Angelica. That doesn't make you right either. No, no, it does. No.

Good point. Good point. What are you talking about? That's why we always try to agree with Steve whenever possible because it puts us on the right side of the fence. Yes, every time. Right side of the fence. I mean, you have Stifler doing this also going down the main street of this town.

You're going to be living and working. Telling everybody, stay away from us, please. You not come to our place ever because you're going to have to deal with this asshole. Well, not even that. You're screaming to all the women, we're unsafe. We're unsafe. Stay away. We're unsafe.

Absolutely. When they move into this house, Jim has to test the bed for humpability. For sure. Yeah, I clock that. You don't do that at hotels? You don't just do that as a normal thing. I might start. I think it might like, because I don't stretch enough. And I feel like aggressively humping a bed whenever I get, you know, out of an airplane might help.

Get your joints moving. It'll do it. I think you got aggressively after so much sedentary. behavior, dude, you will definitely pull something. It's got to be like slow and easy. This is why you're going to be there to supervise this. You're going to be my trainer? Yeah. I'll spot you. Now, Eric, when you're getting ready to hump this mattress. Yeah, yeah, nice and slow. Don't arch your back too much. You'll pull something. That's right. Yeah. I'm thankful you're there to massage my muscles while I do that. We get to the house and it's the second American high-fi song, by the way, Vertigo. Anybody remember that? No, hell, of course. No. No. Of course. No. Thank God.

Because we already had flavor of the week, which is some of the dumbest lyrics of all time. He's Two Stone Nintendo. Oh, I remember that. Two Stone, Nintendo. Yeah, that fucking dumb shit song. Ew, that's a terrible song. Ew.

Look, I'm rarely not Stone playing Nintendo, but if I was going to work that into a song lyric, I'd make it make a little more sense. Make a connection at least. Yeah. Phoenix, TX at least, is talking about, like, human things and not, like, I'm just being stoned and playing Nintendo. Well, just, like, sort of like, finish the old is two stone. Finish it. Nintendo.

Like, is that? Is that doing any work? I mean, so many lyrics of this era do sound like they're doing it on the fly being like, is that okay? Is that good? Well, because we were all. Nintendo working for anybody. They were. So someone in the back.

Everybody, like, you were chasing. whatever that band was. They were cranking out terrible music because of that policy. You know what I mean? Also, oh, big product placement here. We get jobs as house painters. And the first thing we see is like

their very first lunch break where, yeah, Finch is practicing tantra's shit like while eating a sandwich. Like go around the back of the house if you're going to do that on our lunch break. But everyone in this little sandwich circle is enjoying an ice cold brand new probably

Code Red Mountain Dew Very good I when I saw that There was like a hot day I'm like could I drink a code red right now Or would I just instantly die Like I just haven't had a new red Yeah I haven't had like 15 years

After after after 25 You've no business touching Mountain Dew You're getting in trouble Can I tell you there was a it was maybe It had to be like at least six months ago at this point I was in one of my moods And I was getting some Taco Bell late night, you know, and I was like, let's change it up a little bit.

I'm going to get a Baja blast with this. Whoa. Let me tell you, I drank the entirety of this large size Baja blast Mountain Dew. I was in a fucking coma for three days. Because that's all going to stay with you. That's all right in your stomach. Windshield wiper fluid, man. It was fucking horrible. What's your, what's your Mountain Dew rating there, Angelica? Are you pro and tie? Do you do the do? No, I do not do to do.

That's disgusting. I love myself and want to, for some reason, stay living on this burning. So that's a no to the Baja blast. Have you ever done the dew? You had to have done the dew. Of course, yeah, I've had Mountain Dew, but not probably in like 20 years. Oh, man. Good, good for you.

I feel like if I were to drink a Mountain Dew, any product that Mountain Dew put out now, you know in like breath of the wild and tears of the kingdom when you're getting like the you're up in the mountains and it's cold and you hit someone with a fire thing and they just evaporate that's me that's like I just immediately blow up like and go into nothing like I'm just a red mist I actually feel like if I drank

because Code Red was specifically extra sugary somehow like it was even more sugary than even regular if I remember it had the viscosity of fucking chilled blood It was a thick fucking soda. There was a lot of syrup. It is disgusting.

It is disgusting. You know that last Spider-Man movie when Dr. Strange punches him and he leaves his body and he's looking at it? That would be me after a sip of that code rat. I'd be looking at an other world in between this universe and the next being like, oh, that was a mistake.

I got it. And then you'd swim back to your body dude, and then once you got back to it, they'd immediately have to cut off three toes. But most of, yes, most of America lives in that astral projection phase. They don't know what's going on. They're just, they're doing the do too much. They're just floating out there in the sepia never space. And you come back and, of course, Dr. Strange tells you, I told you not to drink the mountain

do. Now, you see, Dr. Strange should have been in this movie and altered time. So they all went to the same fucking college together. That's true. that'd be nice. We all got into MIT. Awesome. Hold on. Let me. Peter, I think I can shave 20 minutes off of this movie. Please, please, Dr. Strange. Hang on a second, Parker. I'm going to make this. I'm working on making the second American pie movie 90 minutes flat. Hang on. So Jim is, Jim's fucking pissing and moaning. Oh, geez, I'm so fucking bad at sex. Nodia's going to be disappointed. And they're like, well, you know, you did have. sex with a person and she's the only

person that knows how fucking bad you are so why don't you go see what she's up to and this is where I don't understand like the spatial relations between everything here the special relations between like their town where the beach house is and then where this Sherman Oaks

Band Camp is like how far is Jim having to drive to all these places to go fucking harass Allison Hanigan at Band Camp And, I mean, like, because at the end of the last movie, like, they have sex and, like, you know, there's that funny line which says, say my name, bitch. And then she, like, leaves the next day. And, like, it's like, that's kind of the joke and, like, kind of gets everybody out of that part.

But then we realize she was very popular. So she had to bring her back. Yeah, no, totally. But Steve, great point about bringing up that when they first get it on in the last movie. Because, like, the way he sort of positions it here is like, and you ditch me. You walked out on me. But at the end of that. movie like in that scene he wakes up she's gone and he goes like i got used i got used and he's

thrilled about it so it's like watch your own fucking first movie before you write the next one these are the year these is the year 2000 to 2001 these are two nerdy kids they would be aiming each other non-stop oh yeah absolutely non-stop checking on the what your aim status was yeah which is the sum 41 song lyrics. Oh my God. Michelle said that she's hanging out drinking in the back of an El Camino. That's my favorite sum 41 lyric too. Oh, God.

I'm going to call her after I go to the lit concert and we're going to talk all about it. I too am my own worst enemy, Michelle. Because they wouldn't be like a long turbillation, but they would be in contact. You know what I mean? It wasn't like, it was. We weren't Facebooking each other, but aim was huge. Aim was huge. But also like, where did she go to?

school. There's a mention of her not returning his calls. I mean, come on. To her credit, it's fucking Jim. Who needs this fucking set. Of course. Even though she ends up marrying him somehow. Yeah. I mean, when he comes back, like, that's, that felt the worst part about it is that she is kind of

happy to see him. I would kind of have liked that like, what the fuck are you doing? Like, what the, what the fuck is this? What are you doing here? This is humiliating for you. This is pointedly weird. I don't know how else to put this. It's also, it's not like she's attending the camp. She's at work. She's just teaching at the camp.

And this weird guy's just showing up being like, we had sex one time. Hey, remember me? Yeah, you're working right now, but we had sex one time. Could you give me a dick rating? I need to teach me out of fuck. Please teach me out of fun. But, yeah, she is a counselor at this same band camp now. And, you know, she's, it's a weird like he's definitely like oh i found her she's playing her flute alone in the woods and he's like getting ready to sneak up on her and then he sees like she's teaching a little group or something that was kind of funny with the camera panning over you and it's a it's a decent line

it's like that's a lot of flutes because we all know what everyone there is doing with those flutes thanks to the first movie so that's what he's thinking putting them inside themselves all of them every last one of them is doing that, of course. Yeah. But she flat out tells him like, oh yeah, you fucking totally sucked. You didn't know what you were doing.

It was awful. I've had worse, which is, I feel like that's, that's the lie. Like he, Jim Levine's like bottom of the list. Oh, yeah.

The absolute worst. But the head of the camp is George Weiner, who is the, from Fletch. I only have to say it's because I've watched Fletch 100,000 times, but he's the

Weasley lawyer who's always trying to get money Alamoa money from him. He's also the other guy Mel Brooks is number two in Spaceballs. That's true. Oh, Colonel Sanders. Yeah, he's great. Oh, yeah, that's great. I like him when he shows up in things. But so this dude spies, Jim just, you know, loitering

around this camp where children are and, you know, ask him what's going on. And like at this point, Michelle has giving him a band camp uniform so he can blend in. Very small. Yeah. Oh, it's very tiny, uh, really, really hugging the groin these shorts are. Form fitting. Very form fitting. He would do well in Brooklyn in this outfit. He would clean the fuck up. Absolutely. Here he's, uh, and I don't know, what is this saying about Brooklyn, but he's, but people think he's mentally challenged

because of this outfit. Part of it is the outfit. Part of it is they think that he's dude Pedy who is like going to be a soloist doing a trombone presentation and it's you see this cut like I totally forgot this part I remember Stiffler getting peed on but I didn't remember this set up and like the way it gets set up is like first of all Colonel Sanders says like something fucking horrid like he's like those kids from the northern camp are really fucking pissing me off or whatever and then you cut to the the school bus with the thing on it and it's like the Northern Oaks band camp for the mentally challenged or like whatever it is

and you're like all right so that dude's saying that about these kids that's supposed to be one joke that's awful and then like you're just being like led down this path of like oh this is going to get so much fucking worse oh PD is part of this camp oh oh they're asking us to laugh at all of

this brutal right and people were at the time people were laughing quite hard at this slapping knees like he's not he's not able to play it because he doesn't out of play. So they're like, well, it's because of the... And then we got the... Some guys in the audience were pretty funny. This dude's like,

come on, let's get him some support. Yeah. The nice dads. The nice dads were the funny part, and they weren't, they were being nice. And that's, it's weird for the, the nice part is funnier than the mean part of it. Yeah. It's kind of stunning that this screenplay had the restraint to

restraint very loosely here. Save a use of the R word until the third act. I was ready. I was ready for this shit to be flying out of these people's mouths left and right. Like it was something about Mary. But that doesn't happen. But yes, he wanders out on stage with a trombone, realizes that like there's all these people here to see it,

tries to vamp and fake play the trombone. And everybody's kind of like, you know, supporting him, whatever. But then he gets into like rock star mode. And he's like, fucking yeah, fuck yeah. Let's go. Band camp people. Yeah. Rock and roll.

Pumping the error as well. This is the vamping that Jason Biggs gives you, which is like, yeah, this was plenty from him. This was, this is one franchise was plenty. And you, like, screenplay, you need to figure out another way for this dude to, like, shock the crowd than just scream, my name is Petey and I have gigantic balls because, like, why would a human being ever say that? What?

Yeah. I thought I missed a call back to something. Why would he say gigantic balls? I don't know. no one's ever told him he has gigantic balls I don't think and even if they did that audience isn't here to hear that

no well to Angelica's point earlier is because he's not really a character he is a delivery system for comedic lines and attitudes and moods that's it like he's you're not really getting like it would be amazing if this was seen was somehow

like waiting his like relationship because Allison Hanigan after witnessing this would be like what the fuck never again never again she's falling in love right here this is what they're telling the grandkids about no fucking sense i'm just like you would get this person out of your life immediately after this she's so ready for it because like the girl in like the chair next to her is like he's special or something and she goes he's my bitch and i'm like you're raring to go after that fucking display after the gigantic balls comment really what do you do it It makes no sense. Some ladies might love it.

I don't know. No? You don't think so? Not one? No. Okay. Maybe she has a very specific fetish where like she gets turned on when her partner. Oh, it's about power.

Is publicly humiliated. Sure. Okay. Like, oh, that dude fucking debased himself in front of 100 people. Here we go. And again, you usually have to pay for that. So that's a very special thing. You can find that in a while.

Yeah, that's why you get married. So they're having They're having their first beach house party You know And the Shermanator Is quick to point out That it is indeed a sausage fest But why is he here

He was never like a friend In the originals He's just there Because we're just repeating The same tired parties From the first movie Yep And when you think like that might

You know he might move on from that or something Like when Natasha Leon In kind of one of the best parts of the movie is like dude this shermanator shit is fucking embarrassing like you have to stop that's awful she she does sort of annoyingly say like the terminator came out 10 years ago no that was terminator too whatever but like that whole scene like it would be like oh my god yeah the shermanator like yeah now i'm just dave sherman or whatever you're totally right natasha leone and like he goes and does something but like the end of the movie like rewards him for keeping his stupid fucking high school

name. It's about staying infantilized, I guess. Yeah. And the other thing, like, there's this other, like this reality bending scene practically for this movie because it's like, it is. No, because like the movie's going along totally normal. And you're watching all these

dudes fuck around and grab their dicks. And then Tara Reid and a Nogne are there and like there's the scene where like Kevin's like, oh, how many guys do you hook up with it? She says, I don't even know. She says, one or so. Or just, she says three.

She says one. She says one and he says three. Yes. And then we see Tara Reid working a job and Minas Suvari is there. And I'm like, what part of the narrative is this? And I mean, like, no, it's Natasha Leone is there at the store. Yes, yes. And she's like, and she's like, like, Terry's like folding shirts and like, and Natasha

Lleone's like, oh, that's the rule of three. Guys always say. And I'm like, but what part of the movie is? Like, they are not. Yeah. There needs to be way more of that. which I would appreciate actually. There's a world in which,

because the first movie flirts with this, too, where there's like a female wing of this movie that actually works, where it's like Natasha Leon and Territ and even maybe Minu Sivari's get in on the action. They're like, what are these guys up to? And like, they're making their own funny ideas. That's something.

And that never, that happens like twice in both movies and is dropped immediately. Well, this was another part where I was like, what are the spatial relations to anything? Yes. Because like how far away, is the beach town from the hometown because like, yeah, like the

shermanator's at this party, the milf guys show up later, and and, and, and, uh, Tara Reid and Natasha Leone show up. But then yeah, she's at this job. And I was like, is the job in the beach town? Or is the job back at the hometown? And is it like, is it 45 minutes or is it three hours?

Yeah, you will never know. And that's why setting it at college would have been great. It could have been the bookstore or something. And it's just something else going on around the campus. Yeah. like the various facilities all inside the one campus. Absolutely. It makes way more sense.

Again, no characters. This is about the delivering of information. This is delivering the information and telegraphing the idea that Kevin is going, it was lying and is going to be emotional at the end and admit that yes, indeed, I only, I didn't really

fuck that much in college. Zero apparently. I got zero. I'm sorry. this has been weighing on my conscience the fact that I haven't fucked and told somebody I did has just been weighing on me this whole stupid movie

That's the thing is there's no hopes and dreams For any of these characters They're never they none of them really want anything They vaguely want to have sex Yes Speaking of vague sex Phone sex Now we get a scene with

Chris uh What is the name Chris Pine Chris Cabot But you Klein I wish Klein Oh Chris Pye I'm sorry I apologize

Chris Klein calling Mia Savina there for some phone sacks and there's wrong number on the call

waiting and this is yeah what but what's right and at the end he says that he's just

trying to have like he's like touching his dick with his girl on the phone and the guy says good for you man a la Akbar

and he should time how far part this was from the shot of the world trade center maybe that would I want to do

a loose change documentary on American Pie if it was the last movie before it all ended. There's signifiers throughout the narrative. What did they know and when did they know it?

Now, Chris, phone sex expert. Yes, you had said that he's got poor phone sex game here. Is that what's going on? It's disgusting. I mean, because Minna Savari is all in.

Like very clearly, she's like, sure. Look, I'm going to do the work. I, we have this long distance relationship over the summer. It probably would have been smarter to be like,

hey, we'll just see each other when we get back. Whatever. They're trying it out. Whatever. She initiates, by the way. Yes.

It's her thing. And, like, I give all credit to her. If this is what your girlfriend is, your very serious girlfriend is asking you to do, you have to go in all of a full hog, man. Yeah. You cannot tip-y-toe about it. Exactly. Like, you have to be like, hell yeah, honey.

Like, do you want me to tell you what to do? Or should I be telling you what I'm doing? Like, he says at one point, yeah, I'm going downstairs or something like that. And I was just like, it was terrible. That's not sexy my dude. It's tough because like you, if you're going to participate in phone sex,

which by the way, kids at home, before you, there was FaceTime. You just had voices over telephone. Yes. And they weren't your own personal telephone. It was a telephone that belonged to the house.

Oh, my God. And you know what? The house always wins. His first mistake, though, just ignore that call waiting. Who could it possibly be that it matters? You know what? They'll call back if it's an emergency.

This was a joke and this isn't really a joke. It was a joke that they didn't have any ending to sort of like whenever I talk. It's just like falls apart. It's kind of amazing that you were literally doing it as you were explaining that you do it. That's pretty impressive. Well, actually it was very smart. I'm being very meta. But then and also like, again, like Stifler is like, oh baby, I want to

fuck your brains out and I'm like I would be so like annoyed be like man I know yada yada but literally I'm just trying to have sex with my girlfriend right now is that you not could you not? Right because Stifler picks up the phone my lord oh the shenanigans well that's because like right underneath

it all because like yeah it's been simmering between Stifler and most of these guys for a while like there's a John Cassavetti's movie right under the surface of all this where everybody is fucking furious at each other and won't let each other get away with it, but

acted by the worst actors in the world. Oh, sure. But, yeah, they aren't really friends. They don't have the energy. But, like, it's right there. It's a remake of husbands, right? But it's just called total fucking losers. Yes, please.

And it's pretty much the same plot. They all, like, kind of loosely hate each other, but, like, pretend to carry about each other. And then there's, like, an 11th hour trip to Europe for some reason. Yeah, they go, they go and get into a very long. a fight slash sing along at a steamer restaurant they get like clams and fried fucking foot while they're getting shirtless

and singing old songs. I would love to soak up any scenery whatsoever. I mean, this is set at that lakehouse or beach house or whatever. You don't even see the beach besides like one scene. A couple of shots. Yeah. You do see is this really steamy lesbian scene because you know what do we need to do? We need to move some DVDs. And we need the internet community to understand

that there might be lesbian content on these DVDs as it is the year 2001 and we're going to move them so Mr. Skin, start your engine exactly and so like Stifler goes they're cleaning these they're painting these two ladies house

house their roommates who knows and they're like oh they're lesbians and Stifler finds a dildo like that's you can't be grabbing dildos out of people's houses yeah that is a mess. up like you so you break into their house and then you manhandle their sex boys like a child like I'm not going to just do a crime I'm also going to do a sex crime in here yeah exactly but I also

just like the the leap to like I found a dildo as evidence of lesbian activity like what are you doing buddy what are you fucking I'm like everybody has a dildo you idiot Stifler's mom probably has one. I'm sure she does. You know? Many. Several. Yes, exactly. And this is a situation where you might want to use Chris Klein as the voice of reason and be like, of course everybody has, like, Manasavari has a dildo. Everybody has a dildo. What are you talking about, you idiot? And also don't grab that dildo. It's not yours. It's not yours. Don't grab the dildo regardless. Yes. But just like, you know, just no. A dildo is not a smoking gun. for anything at all no that says nothing about anyone's sexual and and I mean I understand like

Stifler's supposed to be an idiot whatever but like it's just so profoundly fucking stupid because also like I don't know I'm sure Stifler he comes in later in the movie with a gigondo box of pornography like somewhere on there had to be a solo dildo show like what are we talking about oh easily it's just bad writing it's bad fucking writing it is and they just use it to stall at give us more minutes, which I don't like. I don't like all these minutes. Because then Stifler doesn't remember where he found the dildo, so we have to hem and all about that, run around the house

being like, I don't know where I had it. I was so excited to discover this dildo. I fucking totally blacked out. And I have no knowledge. You know where you found the dildo. It's a always. You'll never forget. Well, you'll never forget where you find the dildo. So the girls come back and it's

this like weird. I mean, and these women, like, it's a weird thing of like, how old are these people supposed to be? like, because like, great question. They're renting a house. 30. Exactly.

It's like, I'm going to sort of pseudo molest some children right now. Like, they're like 19, but like it's, it's tough. It's right on the cusp there. Weird.

Weird scene in general. Because this is supposed to be the equivalent of the gym in front of the camera. The webcam. Yeah. It's essentially, and it's like double the length. I, I,

they milked this thing for everything. No, no pun intended, uh, for all it's worth. Yeah. And then it doesn't, like, it's such, like, I actually thought it would be funny if they did keep going. Like, the joke is that, like, the women want them to, like, kiss each other and, like, grab each other's asses.

And at the end of it, they want, Stifler is looking for a hand job to entertain them to, I guess, get to these women, like, but what, finger banging each other? I don't know. Where is this leading, buddy? Okay. What is a finger banging, fingering? I don't know what's going on with y'all today or what was happening before I got on the school. I was asking the same question

to myself. I haven't mentioned fingering. What is that? Eric is a cleat. I've been shuttled back to my fucking youth with this fucking movie. I think, I mean, there's no real end game other than like, you know, maybe

there's some sort of wild orgy. And, you know, none of the guys are touching. We're not touching. But, you know, but the ladies. And the premise is like, oh, it's so hot when ladies do it, but when we do it, it's disgusting. Oh, my God. And then we have to play up that for last. It's pure funny.

This one, by the way, in case you're wondering, best kiss at the MTV Movie Award. What was it up against? Jason Biggs and Sean William Scott. Stop everything. What were the other nominees? I want to know what kind of robbed. It was a crowded year. Nicole came in and Eumner-Regger Malen Rouge. Mia Kirshner and Beverly Pockland.

from Not Another Teen Movie Heath Ledger RIP and Shannon Sussman for a Night's Tale and Renee Zell Wigger and Colin Firth and Bridget Jones's diary Wow, Richard Jones's diary robbed. Here's something in 2004 Owen Wilson

Carmen Elektra and Amy Smart won for Starsky and Hutch question mark But there's a three-way scene And that's a movie that is completely memory hold out of existence I feel But they beat Charlize Theron and

Christine and Ritchie and Monster. Now I'm just imagining like Christina Ritchie and that movie shouldn't be on the MTV movie. You know what I mean? You shouldn't nominate it. That movie shouldn't lose

to Starsky and Hutch in anything. Yeah, and on the other side, that would be the most awkward acceptance speech perhaps ever if Ritchie and fucking Theron have to go over. Yeah, we actually made

this very serious movie about Eileen Werler. I guess it's every man's fantasy that you just watched my movie Monster that I made. It would be kind of funny though if like they showed up to the ceremony and they lost and like the camera

caught them and it was the reaction of Sam Jackson when he lost that Tony a couple weeks back is this like dead fucking like staring pissed off like pensive fingers like oh we thought we were going to win we thought we were shoe in

for the MTV best kiss a middle finger on the cheek just a little bit you know just a little bit Yeah, this scene is horrible. So the other part of it is like, for whatever reason, these guys who are just painting one house

need walkie-talkie radios that can like hook into CB frequencies. So like we're broadcasting the play-by-play to like truckers and the police station. And that could be like that could be to them hijacking some nerd shit. Like if you have Shermanator in this movie, maybe he's into CB radio now and they make fun. of them and they steal it or whatever.

It's just weird to have this ill-defined job lead to so many of these capers. I just don't know when you're painting a house. What do you need a walkie talking for? That's a great question. I'm painting the living room. Okay, dude. I'm painting the outside. Sounds great. Over.

Yeah. I mean, I guess I get it if Jason Biggs is constantly making these trips out to the band camp and like ditching his work. You can keep contact with him. but it's for the whole crew and this

like it's literally this whole job is literally just to explain away the fact that they spend money and to have this like quote unquote lesbian scene right and that is it the broadcast of them just being like she's getting naked now the police department is masturbating on the radio

fantastic the only one that's kind of funny is the dad who like rips it out of the kids hands and he's like I think I can fix this and like walks away listening to it. But that's it. Out of like the 47 people that are listening in on the call,

that's the only one that was kind of funny. Yeah. The guy saying, I don't want dinner. I'm not hungry. Yeah, that guy was pretty funny. And in a weird move here, speaking of Doctor Strange and traveling through time and other dimensions and whatever,

after that scene, we cut back to the beach house. And these dudes are watching a baseball game that could have been broadcasts like no later than 1978. Like whatever, like production got this like old-ass B-roll, like some free fucking baseball game where like MLB

didn't have to be paid a nickel, you know what I mean? Like, just weird, lazy production shit. It's also just the saddest scene you've ever seen, isn't it? It's fucking Kevin being like, shouldn't we play cards and do something that like bonds us? Like can't we

we, we can't just be friends, can we? No, we just have to constantly be reaffirming the fact that we're friends. Kevin, we're hanging out right now. Shut up. Okay. It doesn't have to be special. I don't need to remember this for the rest of my life. I'm just hanging out, having a beer, watching the baseball game. Yeah. This movie not learning from the mistakes of that first one, trying to make Kevin like the emotional core of everything when like the character has no business being in the movie at all. How about that? We haven't even, we haven't really even talked about it. But the whole thing with him is that he can't, he still cannot get over Tara Reid. Their read is now getting on with her life, seems to trying to be dating again and all this stuff, and he cannot get over it. And that he is just stuck as this sad sack for the whole movie. And in this scene, he's being the sad sack. And then all of a sudden you have Stifler saying, hey, we're heterosexual, right? Here's this pornography to remind you that we're heterosexual. Yes, that's exactly what heterosexual people do is watch pornography with each other.

Well, I would be like, you know, dude, the last thing this house needs more erections. How about, get that pornography out of here. Fair point. Fair point. Yeah. You know, we've only been here for like four weeks and like the funk in the house is as such. Oh my Lord. Yeah. I'm thinking about that. Oh, my

you know, Angelica, a house with five scumbag dudes for an entire summer is going to be horrible smelling. It will be nasty. The floor is stickier than a, than a hentai movie theater. Oh, shut out. You get like the

the gumminess on your shoes. All right. All right. She's going to leave, dude. You can't do it. I'm sorry. That's it. I'm sorry.

Okay, let's go on to the next movement of the film when Jim watches the pussy palace video. Oh, we will, but I just the idea of like, and I got to get that head touching, that head tight screen, but I'm hungry. Yeah, it's still the weirdest thing. And then like he was like, and like he just like mentioned it. And I was just like, and I was just like, and I looked at my boy. My boyfriend, like, well, I guess he really wants to go to that. Do you know where the vendors are?

We can point you to it. The food trucks are out that way, sir. But just for the record, your boyfriend was also like, that's fucking weird, right? Yeah, we were like, cackling. We were both like, why would you do that? We don't know. As long as he wasn't like, I don't see what's funny about that. Why is that weird?

No, that would be very short. Or you're like, oh, I got to go somewhere for the next hour and a half. you know what Jim does go back to the band camp briefly to ask Allison Hanigan for like coaching basically like can you give me some lessons or whatever

and you know she's doing a lot of like you know quote unquote funny stuff like grabbing his junk and saying like oh you got to just learn to relax and you got to be up for anything and blah blah blah and uh oh I stuck a trumpet up your butt isn't that something everybody And they almost get caught by Colonel Sanders

And so they fucking run out of there And like the joke Like the button on the whole scene is like She's like all right well I'll come meet you like in a few weeks Like I'll be done with band camp And I'll have some free time or whatever And he's like all right good

And she runs away and the gag is like Colonel Sanders in silhouette Like back up at the cabin that they ran out of Playing the ass trumpet And he's playing fucking little Spanish flea I didn't pick that up, nice No favorite. Oh, yeah. But yeah, he's going, you know,

ass to trumpet mouth there. Apparently there's a cut scene where he's got like a rash on his face from doing this. I feel like I saw that somewhere. I think it was in the extended cut. Yeah. Well, everybody bought that thing. That thing moved, my friend.

Oh, of course. I'll have another slice of this. Thank you. But yeah, so now he's like, I'm going to watch pornography like a person would. And it's, yes, yes, the lube. I don't mean like the lube and the crazy clues and the crazy clue like the crazy glue like the crazy glue has also that like thing where like the package is just hard like any crazy.

Yeah, hard and crinkly. It's got the really like you have to really work on that little, uh, top there. You usually need a pen knife to get it open. You know what I mean? Like yep. Well, that's how hard he was. It just he cracked it against his Johnson there. It's like those tops where it's like there's the pin on it.

So you can like break. break through the crusty glue and everything like again like the water in town man it fucked up their senses he can't feel the difference between the two and also like he's so again like we know that this dude watches porn yeah like he was watching porn and talking about pornography and reading pornography all through that first movie started pornography in the first movie technically yes so like the the gag here is like he is so hypnotized by pussy palace on VHS that he can't break his

concentration of looking at the screen to look over and be like oh, there's the vial of lube that I need and not fucking gorilla glue. Yeah, like a little small okay, is this little thing like of course that's like super glue. Like why would they ever put lobe in like

the smallest little thing? Like baby are you dumb? Also you're watching softcore. should have some attention work with me here man yeah we went out of business because we sold lube in two and a half ounce increments like nobody wants that

also why did you have the super glue near your bedside table were you did you hump the bed so hard that it broke? They set that out. Yeah they do set it. I didn't know it's in a stupid way right a lamp breaks or something because it's one of the various

I think I think this is it's the some 41 into deep montage maybe it might be yeah and they're all like doing various things in the house because it's like

we're gonna get better and get late or whatever it is and Jim's like practicing his moves or something and he like kicks a lamp

and breaks it you see him like super gluing it you should fuck that lamp later yeah make up for the pie a little bit American lamp

coming in the summer here we go but yeah it's just like also if you've gone this far and you've You've been doing this for a while

and it's been doing it without lube and you've been doing just fine. You know what? Maybe not, don't go to that next world. Maybe just leave yourself as is. Wait for like a woman to do it for you so that you know what it's like. You know, that these things happen.

Don't do it right off the bat, maybe. It's not diffusing a bomb. It's fucking lube. I don't understand this. But for Jim, it is kind of. Like it seems like any time that you are going, outside of the normal, the most barren, like, narrow

practices of sexual, of heterosexuality. Anything outside of that, he fucks it up. It just immediately. But you know, you know that this kid was growing up playing leisure suit Larry on CD-ROM. Who didn't? And I know they were talking about Lou, but at least one of those things.

So, you know what? It doesn't make any sense. This is one of the worst fucking screenplays of all time. How about that? How about that shit? He's trying to jerk off. He realizes, oops, I glued my hand to my dick. And now I've glued my other hand to the porno tape that I was. And now an alien ant farm song needs to draw.

We got an alien ant farm song. Excuse me. I mean, yeah, like the one you remember. Smooth criminal cover. There was also that song about like going to the movies or something. Sure, but I couldn't. Yeah. But yeah, it's smooth criminal.

Speaking of a hot topic, man. This was all over it. Oh, absolutely. And you couldn't escape the music video. that was fucking everywhere. And it was like, the story of the music video was like they were playing a backyard show. And it was also like backyard wrestling was happening. So like the video was like Alien Anfarm was opening for a backyard wrestling event.

Hang it up guys. Hang it up. You ain't no rock star. That sucks. They were for exactly three years. For three years they got to play rock stars. Three seems long, but I get what you're saying. I think they had a second album.

I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty sure. Doesn't mean people listen to it or cared. So, yeah, he can't get out of the fucking room. There's a thing where, like, they can all hear him, like, falling out of the bed and they're all screaming. And it's like, do you need help? Shut the fuck up. What's going on? Like, if the walls are that thin, by the way, you're hearing all of those dudes watching pornot tapes.

Oh, of course. And that's just like, I don't want to be on this vacation. How about that? That's not a vacation at all, my friend. No. So it's like, oh, I can't, I can't open the door because I got one hand on my penis and the other one's stuck to a VHS tape. I'll try to open the door with my mouth. He's like deep throating this doorknob at one point.

That's supposed to be making you chuckle. Well, he does the smarter thing, which he looks out a window. He's like, I know what I'll do. I'll kill myself. I'll throw myself off the roof. Yes. And I will end all of this because that is better than whatever this, whatever the aftermath of this is going to be.

Never ending torment. Yeah. Because now the whole town knows your fucking Jimmy fucking glue dick. But what you got to do is you got to try to find a way to incinerate your own body now. I feel like to destroy the evidence. Make sure the tape is definitely destroyed. You don't want anybody knowing what that was. The only time they have any, like the movie shows you at all that there's a neighbor anywhere

is right here because there's. some old fuddy dutty lady like looking out the window and sees him like standing on the roof and calls the cops the cops get there in like 20 seconds which is kind of weird. It looks like these these boys were just looking for something to do well a white boy

and his penis are in trouble they will get there for that they will show up right nice for that one so this finally the movie lets everyone take a breath and have some laughs because Eugene Levy comes back into the picture meets Jim at the hospital

you know, like, you know, that's the thing you can't argue. Mr. Levinstein has always been like a loving dad supportive dude. Jim tells him as much like, you know, at the end of this scene or whatever, but this is like, Eugene Levy trying to explain to this doctor, like, is there any way you can make his penis heel

faster because his lady friend is coming over is pretty funny. Yeah, my son might need to use his dick in seven days. Is that possible? If this doctor was worth his salt, though, he'd be like, what is your interest with your son? What's going on here. What exactly is going on here, sir? This is beyond helicopter parenting, sir. I don't know

what fucking crazy shit you're getting, you know, what road you're going down here. Also, it's weird because he says that and then the doctor gets like fuming mad and pulls a tube of something like out of a drawer and is like, here, this should speed up the process. And I was like, well, why didn't you just give that tomb in the first place? Yeah. Yeah. Why don't they only sell extra strength? this Tylenol. Like, why wouldn't I want anything else but the most strength? That's what he should, that's what the doctor should have done is he should have taken this out and like you get a look at it. It's just normal Lou. He's like, for $400 extra, I can give you this special cure

that'll help you get all the rashes and rippings will be nice and well. That sounds way more accurate for the American medical system, right? Like, it's like $600 for a bandaid in the hospital. might make me a little happier with this movie. But yeah, this, I mean, this is all just like wind up to the fucking party. That is just a big bus. Like, we get

Stifler's brother is back. Boo. Oh, no one asked for it. This little fuck. Someone needs to set him on fire. What the fuck? Thank you. Thank you, Angela. Fuckers, fuckers. Shut the fucker. It's louder. What the hell? This kid

disgusting shit boy, of course. Yes. Oh, the highest order. Thank you. he was the voice of the little boy an iron giant if you could even believe it apparently was also in previous episode Jack Frost 1998 oh he's the boy Spencer he's got to be the son

yeah or a friend of his I don't know maybe not Hollywood royalty here guys definitely I think he reprises his role as the younger Stifler in that like eventually this franchise is turned over to that Stifler character In one of these, like, college, like, direct-to-d-d-d-d-movies. Yeah, that's, you have to be remember the direct-to-d-d-d-part of it.

Yeah. Oh, of course. He looks like he should only exist in direct-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-l. Especially when he delivers lines, like, someone, one of them asks him, like, what is he doing here? Pussy, man, I'm here for the pussy. And it's like, what the fuck do you? Shit the fuck. Yep.

No one wants to go to jail for your little last dude. Get out of here. How about that? This, they recasted him for those movies. Oh, really? This guy never even got a shot at one of them? No, unfortunately not. That's a tragedy.

Poor guy. But apparently this was, this was a reshoot thing because for whatever reason, the Chris Penn stuff bombed so horribly in that test screening. They were like, but Stifler's relative needs to be in the movie, so we'll get the brother, I guess. Which this kid was also in the first movie,

like doing the same thing. Yes. almost like beat for beat. He watches, he's the one who is watching the video when Jim does the dance and Stifler throws him out of the way because he knows how to use a computer. That's right. That's right.

Yeah. Yeah, this kid's horrible. Also around here is when like Nadia shows up early. Great. Get some more Shannon Elizabeth. Yeah. And it's like, oh no, my dick doesn't work. I better come up with a, end of the line here,

convoluted plot where Michelle is now going to pose as my girlfriend and then we're going to break up the day of the party because my penis will be healed which you know what this is by the way this whole thing of like pretend to be my girlfriend yada this is like the entire plot of like a teen comedy

we're just doing it for the last like 20 minutes of this movie it's incredibly lazy but it's also a variation again on what like Natasha Leon did for Finch like it's essentially like sure yeah it's literally giving you a way to like look better in this one way and that's just like i am so annoyed by all of it she plants all of the rumors about him like being good and bad and the lothario and whatnot yeah that's right um yeah it's like okay so we'll pretend

to be you know a couple and then the night of the big party where we're fucking not saving the rec center and not keeping the ski school in business. It's just the big party. We'll break up and then like she'll want to be all over you, I guess, is the logic. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, sure. She's just going to wait.

She's just like, yep. He's the guy for me. I'll just wait around. Yeah, that my nerd. I just need my nerd. Don't you understand? Angelica, a nerd. Yeah, she just needs her little geeky, boring,

white dude who has never been in the same fucking hemisphere as a female organ. She really wants that. There's so many of them around. It wouldn't be a problem. That's a really excellent point, Angelico. All this teaching and teaching and teaching, you know, that's only to make him like passable at bad sex. You know what I mean? Like that's the goal is to be like, to get through the act just once. You know what I mean? Yep. Without calamity.

So it's like, you know, I guess whatever this is supposed to be like the lead up to the party, we do have a montage here to the offspring, want you bad, where it's like, them stifler boys spying on old Nadia. And like, meanwhile, Michelle, like, teaching Jim how to like undo a bra with one hand using a pillow and some socks, like, how many lessons does this guy need? It is fucking infuriating. It's the last of your, least of your problems. She can figure out the bra. You just get in there and make sure everything works out. Like I said, you learned in kindergarten how to put a thing in a hole. Okay.

Thank you. Listeners, sexes can be a beautiful, wonderful, layered experience. Please do not listen to Mr. Eric Siska. No, sex is like, you know, it's fun. Relax. Like, don't take it too fucking seriously. Have a good time. But, like, it's not just putting a thing in a hole or whatever the fuck.

I mean, I think, you know, we're just all in. There's more to it than that. I hope, or at least I hope it's just more to it. Of course, of course. But we, at the end of the day, are animals. It's not just R2D2 at the fucking security system. Judding his little penis into the big fucking computer. Not everyone has studied it.

Art2D2's jamming it and get it done sex school. My number one sex scene is R2D2 and the Death Star computer. I'm very aware So they have this little moment here Where like the breakup happens I mean it's just all so like Rushed and nothing but it's like She's yelling all this shit like

I don't care if you gave me 10 orgasms In a row You know you still smell And like Nadia's on the couch like Whoa whoa we want You're just like oh Jesus And Ten orgasms

I know I mean Fine Yeah right. And, like, of course, this also plays it. Like, Nadi is just so stupid. She's like, oh, oh, my God, you did?

Really? You could do all that? I mean, you technically gave me 10 orgasms. Nine and a half of them happened after you left the room and I took a shower. But that was, you were involved in that for you sort of started. You got it rolling, pal. You were the Kindle. You really, you helped me out there.

But so here we go. It's the, it's the night of the big party and right off the bat. Kevin fucks things up because like Vicky dares attend the party with like this other dude and he gets all like harrumph

he looks like he was bathed at acid I don't know about this other dude anyone to see this guy he looks like we've brought this guy up on the show before and oh really okay no no no not this actor

but the guy I'm about to mention like because this this actor playing like Vicky's date to the party looks like that guy and I'm never going to remember what this guy's called or where his act could be seen or whatever, probably Comedy Central

at 2 o'clock in the morning. That guy whose bit was like, I'm doing stand-up but I'm like a Ken doll robot thing. Yes, yeah. I've mentioned this before and like a listener will remind me what that was I'm sure because this happens every time I bring this guy up and I forget his name

but like he just looks like a plastic doll person. Yes, he's terrified. Yeah, this dude's head is weird. It's like major. It is big. He has a block ass head. He does. He looks like a fucking gungy villain. But then it's also he has, he did the thing that a lot of white guys did at that point was

a lob gel and kind of just putting their hair up weird thing. That was my way of keeping women away from me. That was a fun of idea. Me too. Hey, ladies, you like this wall of hair. Hey, it's like a fat Cosmo Kramer. You're ready for this? This guy, he kind of looks like a bag of potatoes too.

Well, they look smartly, they don't give him many lines. They give him like a line. You know what that is? Chris Kevin. That's fucking lack of sag card right there. He was legally prohibited from saying a word. He looks like to go to Zelda one more time. Like he should be hanging out at the bottom of death mountain called you Goro all the time, man.

No. Damn, you're right. Right? That's Steve. That's the most accurate one. Come on, Goro. But so. Great party, Goro.

Hey, you got pissed on Goro. He also looks like he might turn into a member of the Yiga clan out of no way. He just explode and turn into a ninja. But so like Kevin, Kevin storms off. It's like, no one's paying attention to me. I was in Rookie of the Year.

God damn it. You know what? Walk out the beach house. Walk to the beach. Walk past the beach. Walk into the fucking lake and keep going. Yeah. You're the worst fucking character in this franchise.

Yeah. Give yourself a Dunkirk death. I don't give me that. And then all these. Dude, it's like Chris Klein's got to come out and be like, hey, guys, party's got to stop for all of us because the emotional core of our group, he's having problems outside. You know what, dude, I'll fucking talk to that asshole tomorrow.

Maybe. Absolutely. Fucking sum 41 is cranking in here. I'm having a great time. I will talk to that sad sack later. Fuck that kid. Yeah, exactly. Like, that's not how adult or like any relationships work.

Why would I stop, like, what I'm doing? He's out there crying. Let him cry. Exactly. You'll bring his ass back. And then, you know, you can take him aside at some point during the party and be like, yo, dude, maybe go to your room. Yeah.

You're really fucking harsh in the vibes. Dude, get the fuck out of this party. To stop everything and go, where's Kevin? Uh-huh. It's just insane. Let's stop the sex. Let's stop the fun and find out Kevin, who's being a baby and cannot get over the fact that Terry Reid is going

it just brought a date to a party. It doesn't mean she's marrying him. Doesn't mean she's going to fuck his brains out later. None of that stuff. He's just like a non-playable character that she brought around. Precisely dude, she is in the middle of having herself an Andrew McCarthy

esque mannequin adventure. Yes. Okay. Have fun. And she's waiting for the mannequin to come alive and start talking and it's going to happen any second and she wants to be there to welcome him. Better movie. Manick that scenario, mannequin and mannequin too. Absolutely. Absolutely.

But we have like a quick beach like Kevin, come on. Stop being a baby. Oh, okay. I'll stop being a baby. Because he's like, he's like, oh, my life is over. It didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. And Oz has to be like different doesn't mean bad. And also we're all 19 years old. What on earth are you talking about? Yes, please shut the fuck up. Please. I know. Yeah, I know you were the kid in King Arthur's court. Just fucking, please shut the fuck out. You know, man, I was a professional baseball player when I was nine years old. And it's never been, never been better than that. I was, it was a weird, like kind of medical freak accident. Nobody really considered me a legitimate athlete. But I felt powerful. People wanted to hang out with me. Right. Because he should be the same character. That would be great.

In that movie, the tendents are really rough. So that kid can't masturbate. And this kid, That's true. That's true, baby. That is absolutely true. Because he'd get it right off that rookie of the year. That rookie of the year. You throw it a fast ball. Fast balls, rather, my lord.

My lord, indeed. So we got a scene where, speaking of Andrew McCarthy movies, this is kind of something from that first weekend at Bernie's. Like, now I'm going to take my date up to this lighthouse that's here out of nowhere. What was that? Why would she want? want to go there.

Maybe she wants to be murdered. So finally, he's going to lay the death blow down on me at this secluded, possibly haunted lighthouse. I think this is probably also the sort of end of Jim's infatuation with her. It's like, can I see lighthouse? And he's like, am I going to do this all the time now? My lighthouse. Wow, lighthouse is very large.

I have many lights in it. Oh, my goodness. Big line tell boat where to go The way they're doing this character It's like she was supposed to be at camp with Pedy If you know Yeah, exactly And it's like

Yeah, it's it's something And then he's like doing He's doing the mental math He's like I guess Yeah I mean like I said Hanning it's still pretty attractive And she can actually talk Okay yeah I'll go with her instead

Yeah yeah Wait a second Yeah Michelle knows what a lighthouse is What am I doing here? Yeah he doesn't let her down easy exactly. Like there's a line he says that I was just like, whoa, you suck.

He goes, you're everything I used to work. It's just like, brutal. Yeah. This girl has traveled all across the country to see your lame ass. Like, and like, yeah, you know, you've realized you don't want to see her or whatever. But again, be like, oh, you know, it's just, I don't think it's going to work out. Even that would be kind of rough. Totally.

Yeah, you can just be. It does not have to be that. No, because I have to go there. It's just like, oh, hey, Nadia, you know, literally like four hours ago when I broke up with my girlfriend, yeah, I think I want to try to figure that out. I don't want to, you know, do anything I'll regret. Like, there's a way to do it where it's not like,

get fucked green card. I'm out of here. Oh, no, they call it lighthouse. It's more like a pain house. It hurts it here. Why everyone's so mean inside of lighthouse? This is sounding like a 90-day fianc. That's what happened in Nadia, I think.

Oh, she definitely did. If she has a real character. Oh, my God, yeah. He would be on that. Or like, you know, like she's who, you know, well, this would be like an animated form, but like Moses, like, answers the door and she's there, but then it's a cardboard cut out of her and she falls over.

Oh, no. by the way we're going to give we're going to hand you over to our least interesting and known character the Shermanator and you are going to be the thing that actually makes him decide not to be a character

and not change written backwards for this ending I guess because he's the other geek from the high school yes right yeah and he's going to give it that that's the whole joke of it is like Shermanator is finally going to give up the Shermanator

business. He's not going to do it anymore. But of course, because Nottia shows up and is the stupidest person alive. She's like, actually, no, I like you as shermanator. Be sherman. You, I would be shermanated. She literally yells, fuck me geek. Yes. It should be a thing where they turn Sherman into Dave McFly at the end of the first Back to the Future where he's like, Marty, I always wear a suit to the office. Right. he should just be like a totally serious

like dude turned his life around and he's like a fucking like chick magnet because he's like a down to earth like mature person but no no no him and him and Nadia are chugging Pepsi right out front because these big beautiful blue Pepsi cans they do have the choice between Pepsi and wild cherry Pepsi both oh excellent oh I didn't notice if you wanted a wild night I would have gone with wild

cherry right for sure but do we notice what's going on here where he's like, I'm a love machine sent back from the future. But it's a fake, it's a fake Terminator theme. Yes. They kind of get like the bupah, ba, blah, blah.

It's, dude, I'm listening to it and all I could think of was the fucking vanilla ice. Theirs goes, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. And ours goes, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Like it's such fake garbage Terminator score. lazy shit universal license that music garbage anything to pinch a penny

with these people. No, we had to give money to some 41 instead. Oh yeah, too. Yeah, the soundtrack budget was clearly fucking out of control already. What's one more Terminator jam? We spent on an original Green Day song and an original Alien Ant Farm song. So you better, we spent our money well. Where was Green Day in this soundtrack? There's somewhere. Scumback. It's, yeah, it was a, I think it was originally a B-side off of

Nimrod, but I can't speak on that. That's a discount deep cut. That's what that is. It's as if you, if you shredded a bunch of McDonald's hamburgers and put him in a bucket and you put one tri-tip steak piece in there,

it'd be really hard to find that tri-tip steak. You know what it'd be? You'd have to sift through all the other. And it's like, oh, the sound, is this it? No, that's still McDonald's. Okay, got it. So his, Jim's whole thing is why he fucking ditches this poor woman in the lighthouse is because he realized it's like,

oh, I've always been a band geek, Nadia. I just never joined the band and he high tails it to wherever this band camp maybe it's 20 minutes down the road maybe he drove six hours I don't fucking know

the movie doesn't give a shit so I guess we don't and he goes and he's going to get Michelle in this big romantic gesture and it's she's about to do this flute solo and he comes in decides like yeah I'll ruin this girl's life too let's interrupt that

with this fucking horrendous trombone plan and I decided you're good enough for me. Hello. And this would we get the R bomb out of some little kid. It's the little kid from the beginning who's like, you can't be here, you're an adult, this is stranger

danger, which is totally true kid, but you shouldn't be using that word at the end of the movie. And rightfully, Jason Biggs hits him in the fucking face with the trombone. That's kind of funny. Good for him. It's kind of great because it's horrific extra work by whoever was like designated to be like the adult guardian sitting next to this kid

because they couldn't give a flying shit that the kid got hit in the face from a fucking trombone pipe. Thank you, Petey. Thank you so much. I've been trying to teach this kid some manners. And finally, you're going to do it. Thank you. Thank you, Petey.

Finally got my rude-ass kid to shut the fuck up. Thank you, Petey. Why can't you be more like Petey? Why can't you just be more like him and just interrupt everything? No, Petty's up. before we can get too many more offensive fucking slurs out in this scene

we start cranking the three doors down and those two kids get right out of here oh yes oh if I could be like that I'd be I'd do anything if I could not be watching this movie I'd do anything and it goes dude it is like you are getting slapped in the fucking face

with this awful soundtrack because it's that and like they run away back to the beach house I guess which it must be close I mean they never tell us whatever, but it's right into, this is the sum 41 in too deep. This is the big party montage.

We're like everybody's dancing and having a ball. Dancing to sum 41, like no one has ever danced to sum 41 in the history of the band's existence. Like, uh, what's her fate, Mina Suvari and Chris Klein are kind of doing like, like square kind of quote unquote square dancing.

They're like, they're romantic and everything. Oh, she's shown up by the way at this point too. Who cares? Who could care. And it's like everybody's cheersing. Like this is what makes no sense. There is a like around the room, everybody making eye contact like cheersing with one another.

And I'm like, none of you have accomplished anything. There's nothing to be cheered about. Yes, exactly. What are you cheeringing? What are you nodding and winking about? Nothing happened. You did nothing. We all figured out things that we should have figured out a year ago.

That's essentially what happened. and in the craziest one of the crazier lines I've ever heard in any movie comedy or otherwise is like party rages till dawn and then here's the two milf guys are leaving and John Cho his character just goes do you think I'm going to have a hangover because I really want one yeah no what no one's ever what are you what no way that I that stinks of like that was 78 takes and that's the best one we got of John Cho ad-libbing this one line coming out of the fucking thing. And you know what? It doesn't make any sense. John Cho is a great

actor and is also proven comedic chops. I re-watched Harold and Kumar recently. Very funny movie. Like maybe not everyone's an ad-libber. Like if that's the case, like heaven forbid write a line for this actor to say. I don't want to do that because I've heard the

lines. But I do, I take your meaning. Sure. But, you know, like, thankfully, I guess, like after 143 minutes here, or hour and 43 minutes, rather, like, this movie does kind of wrap up. Like, it's the next morning of the party. Everybody's getting in the car. Stiffler's mom shows up, of course.

Nice little breath of fresh air before the lights come up. And so Finch has to go off with her and they're just going to fuck on the side of the road. they can't even make it to a hotel. She's got to pull over. Nice. Good job, Finch. I honestly, this was literally the only scene where I was like,

oh, that's nice. Yeah. I was like, cool. That's nice. In the deleted portions that are on some, you know, DVD extra Chris Penn touches Finch while he's doing the tantric stuff and makes him come.

Oh, so he like basically like is with both of his parents. Yeah, he had both. Oh, like that. That's interesting. Oh, yeah. Yeah. it's so weird because she says at one point you know because he asks her like what's your name and

she's like jeanine and you know they go off to fuck in her car or whatever and and then it's like i think he like may have called her name or something and then she's like call me stiffler's mom and i'm like you have this young man no It's a boy. It's a boy. Yeah, you have, I'm not saying it. But why would you bring up that? Why would you bring up that?

Why would you want to make it even weirder? Yeah. It's so. Crank it out. No, I'm your. Never forget that I'm your friend's mom. That's, yeah. Let's push pause on the fornicating so I can talk about my son for a second.

Yeah. And how I want to fuck off his little buddies. Poor gasoline on this feud between the. two of you by making sure you remember that I am, yeah, it's, I, I, I, I, it gave me the one, like, laugh. I was like, okay, it's over. Okay.

There is something so perfect about Janine, like the character of Janine Stiffler. She comes in, of course, she's driving, you know, the fucking sick-ass Mercedes because that's probably, like, divorce money there. Smoking the Virginia Slims, amazing detail that it's like Virginia Slim cigarettes. I love her. Jennifer Cool it's total fucking treasure Best part of the movie It would be hilarious if like Chris Penn

Was like essentially his The same character from like footloose He just happened to him He just grew up this way And just like became the stifler That are familious Yeah that tracks I can see that character doing that

Absolutely trajectory I think There is kind of a funny Sean Williams got line here like right at the end Because like he comes out as she's pulling away With Finch and he's like oh, who was that? And they're like, oh, it was just somebody was lost, just looking for directions to the lake.

And he just has this line, what a dumbass. The lake's right there. Before he like gets what's going on, which is kind of funny. But yeah, that's kind of just the end of this movie. That's like an hour and 44 minutes of like not a real movie. Praise Jesus. Yeah, yeah.

Thank God. And, you know, they made like seven more of these. I mean, has we made $280 million? Of course it's that. Wow. What a strange. Absolutely. I remember working at the multiplex

like when it came out and, you know, I remember projecting it and everything like that. But I remember the fucking scores of people coming to see that movie. It was, yeah. That box office number does not surprise. And then Lord knows what you made on the

unrated DVD. Whoa, girls kissing. No, no, no. No. That whole, that whole storyline line of the lesbians, quote, unquote. It's just so. They come back and have a threesome with this kid for some reason.

And it's like, why the fuck? What the fuck with these grown ass women want to fuck this misogynistic, insecure, like, homophobic piece, just like annoying piece of shit. Dildo thief. He's a fucking dildo thief. And he's a dildo thief. And he's a dildo thief. And he's running around. He doesn't even know what to do with it It's the big problem He's like running around

Like he's just like a kid who does not even know What it really is Exactly where it's supposed to go It's like how this is how you act around A woman's sex toy How do you act around a woman? Worstly is the answer It's exactly

It's just like you don't Yeah we do get the aftermath Of the three way though Because there is like that montage Of like everybody in bed whatnot and he's like looking at them both like smiling or whatever like dumb as fuck well of course he is a sexual free spirit because he was willing to have one of his friends possibly jerk him off so you know that's enough to get your your your your juices going if you're a woman

yeah him to me is that right yes of course yes yes oh yes uh yes but yes that is the end of this movie we'll go around the horn here potential recommendations but more importantly final thoughts because who are we kidding? And we will start with our dear friend and guest this week Angelica. Final thoughts. I'm not even

going to bother with the recommendation. Final thoughts on America Biden. You know, I'm not going to recommend this to people. There's nothing here. It's not funny. It's like one of the worst visions of whiteness. I'm like, oh, I'm like, oh, it's like I'm just like,

looking oh this is how white people were like thinking at the time oh my god this is what white people thought was funny yeah and like like cool i i just like there's nothing here i just it was a waste of my time and i only watched it because i love y'all and i love to talk to y'all but seriously i'm never watching this shit again twice in my life is enough that's i think it's that sounds about right uh yeah i'll i'll just go on record and saying, no, I did not like this when I saw it in theaters and nothing has changed, except, no, something has changed. It's worse than I remember. It's a really abysmal, unfunny movie filled with a bunch of people who had no real business doing comedy in the first place, save for like, I don't know, Natasha Leone and obviously Levy and Coolidge, but just abysmal comedy chops all around, which for a comedy is a huge problem. Eric Cisca.

Yes, it's a no for me as well. I really hated it. I haven't seen it since it, like, came out in theaters. And I don't, didn't remember what my opinion was. I liked the first movie more than this. At least it has kind of a perspective. This was just dog shit. Fuck this movie.

Chris Cabin. Oh, yeah, agreed on all points. I mean, there is a, this is part of a series of movies. I can't name all right now. but Charlie's Angels is definitely another one of them where there is a potent dark, pre-9-11 dark energy coming off to some of these movies that came out the year before, within the year of it happened.

This is one of them where I'm just like, whatever is causing this to happen needs to stop. Whatever, I don't know if we can blame it on any one source or anything, but it has, something has to stop this. And I felt that the whole time I was watching this, So it's just like, this is fucking horrible. Even being like slightly okay with the first one. I like, this just gives you no joy.

Not even, the characters aren't even having joy. It's all just terrible sadness. And like it's being painted as this joyous comedy. Horrible. Horrible. Leaving the best for last year, Steve Sadek, huge recommend, buddy. You know, no, I always did. I always did.

And I'll die on that hill. I always hated the Jason Biggs character But the thing is like And this is like again That first movie was at least that first movie Where it's like let's lose our virginities Before Prab Night Bougoo And like that's a movie

You know what I mean? Like that's whatever that is It's a ticking clock yes Exactly that's a movie This relies on you loving all these characters So much And like that's the rest of the franchise Because then it's like

What are our, you know what? forget about. And like, there's all this like inbred nostalgia in it. Like, you're supposed to be nostalgic for this movie while it's happening. And it's like, absolutely fucking not. No. You know? Yep. Yep. Yeah. They're terrible, boring, unattractive people. And they're not funny. Who wants to be around these motherfuckers? Thank you.

Thank you, Angelica. I think that is a excellent final period on this conversation here, Angelica. So with that, Of course, is our esteemed guest this week. What do you got going on? Where can people find you? What do you want to plug?

Go for it. Sure. I am a critic at New York Magazine site, Boulcher. Right now, there's so many movies about to come out. So there's a lot of stuff I'll be covering. So just you can find me at Boulcher. You can find me sometimes online. I don't know.

I'm trying to figure out this whole blue stuff. guy thing. I don't really use it or get it quite yet. We're on there. But I'm on there. And I'm on Instagram. You can try to follow me. My Insta's private. And I may let you follow me. I may not. You know.

Interesting. You can try. And beyond that, yeah, I'm just having a good old time in Chicago. The weather is shit today, but I'm happy to be back home. And in terms of immediate stuff, keep an eye out for my ranking

of Tom Cruise's performances as in every one of his performance. I like wrote a ranking a couple years ago, but I'm revamping it, baby. And I'm coming for some really interesting arguments about Mr. Tom Cruise, including to tease something that's also going to be

an essay. I'm writing about how we don't have stars anymore. We have brands and Tom Cruise is one of the best examples of that turn. Oh, yeah. Is this going to be, is this going to be part of the new column that you have with Vulture? Um, the new column is currently just going to be, uh, on the sex in the city continuation and just like that. And then I'm going to kind of spin off to another TV show. It's,

um, going to be probably more TV focused. Oh, cool. Um, and that's more off the cuff shooting from the hip, whatever little saying you want to use. You get what I'm fucking mean. Um, but yeah, writing some cool shit, doing some cool shit, living life, enjoying it. That's awesome. You got to do it. Well, thanks for coming on. Of course, you know, open seat. We never want to come back. Season 14, we're already scheduling. And I'm sure we'll have you on for some stuff there.

A slightly more interesting movie at least next time. How would you like American Wedding? You know, that's not funny. Go. All right. No, we'll give you something good. But, you know, as for us here, of course, if you want more, we hate movies content, check out Patreon.

dot com slash we hate movies where this month speaking to Tom Cruise of course with Dead Reckoning Part 1 out we have a we love movies episode all about De Palma's Mission Impossible that's going on on there tons of shit we got oh who's our big big gleep guy this month Eric bleep got big gleep I can't even say big leap glit guy on the gleep glossary Han Solo for the entire hour wow boy gonna be going to be a wild shit stoked for that one we're doing uh we're doing that new uh gremlin's magwi netflix or a mac show on animation damnation oh yeah excited to check that out you can i don't think he's in the i don't think he's in the first episode which is the one we're going to do but i did see an imbb

jack galligan lends his voice in one way or another to that maguire shows look out for that the return of the king finally back where he should belong don't you know know I was in Gremlins too. So that's going on on the Patreon. Patreon.com slash we have movies now here on the main feet of course the summer blockbuster extravaganza. I think we're down to the last one. Right?

Am I thinking about this right? Steve? You are. It's the season finale of We Hate Movies. If you can believe it. And what are we going out on? And the world has ended, but the mail must be delivered. We're going to be talking about the postman. Yes. Which I have never seen this

movie. I've seen at least two. or three times. I might be forcing this on everyone. But to contextualize it, you had water world, well, Shagin, land world, and here we go. Oh, could you imagine? I like this. Yeah, no, I'll go on record as saying this will be a first time

for me too. So, yeah, dude, it might be a real, what did he get us into? I hope you enjoy three hours of Kevin Costner wandering around with a horse. I'm sure I won't. So until next week, when I guess we'll just have to wait and see, I've been Andrew Juven.

even say that. Eric Cisca. Chris Gavin. Angelica Jade Bastien. Take it easy. That was a HitGum podcast.