We Hate Movies - S13 Ep690: Fatal Attraction (Live in SLC)

Episode Date: August 8, 2023

Recorded 11.15.22 at Wiseguys in Salt Lake City, UT On the second Summer Break episode of August, the guys are live in SLC chatting about the outrageous erotic thriller, Fatal Attraction! What’s with Michael Douglas’s character feeding his dog spaghetti with meat sauce? Why couldn’t they put a little paranormal stuff in this movie? Has dishwater ever been sexy? And is Dan Gallagher the dumbest philanderer in film history? PLUS: A phone company operator gets nashty on the phone with Glenn Close! Fatal Attraction stars Michael Douglas, Glenn Close, Anne Archer, Stuart Pankin, Ellen Foley, Lois Smith, and Fred Gwynne as Arthur; directed by Adrian Lyne. Want more WHM? Join our Patreon fam today and instantly unlock hours and hours of exclusive bonus content, starting as low as $2 a month! We’ll be releasing new Patreon content all throughout August, so it’s the perfect time to join! Be sure to get in early and get your tickets for the WHM Holiday Extravaganza where we’re talking The Santa Clause! Check out the WHM Merch Store featuring new Skeleton Juice, Spring Tour 2023, KONG & DILF Den designs! Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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... ... ... ... ... Guys, 46 hot dogs are done. That's half. All right. We're almost there. Keep grilling. That's right. We eat 92.

hot dogs at a time. Oh, hey, I didn't see you come in. Yeah, we're just, we're at our summer bungalow together, just grilling. Eating some dogs, dude. No, I like them burnt. I like them burnt, Steve. Keep them that way. How you burn a hot dog on a grill. I love a dude. I love some black char on a hot dog. A little bit, okay, but you know, it can go from like zero to 60 and two seconds with a hot dog's dude. And then you just, you got a burnt little wiener on your hand. then you have what you call it an Anakin Skywalker there you show it out of a burnt little weenie a couple of amperoos on my place speaking of weaners is this for fatal attraction it is for fatal attraction no we don't get to see douglas's wonderful weaner

don't you want to see what wonderful wean I would I absolutely would so oh my lord yes and this was recorded in Salt Lake City who I do can they have hot dogs is that a religious thing I got caffeine in hot dogs or what I don't know I don't think anyone knows what's in a hot dog. You have to put the hot dog in a robe before you eat it and then you put it in the bun within the robe. You say the magic spell. There's a hole in it too. Soke them dogs, dude.

We decided to do one of our most sexually aggressive live titles in one of the most sexually repressed areas in the country. Love it. And you'll see how it goes. Just about exactly like you think it would. But I do think that we do mention the Ninja Turtles in it at some point. If memory serves. I think it's a lot of like, we say that like where Glenn Close lives is kind of like downtown. The Ninja Turtles are right under her building or something like that.

And this ties into what we're doing for this month on the Patreon. That's right. 1990s, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the live action movie, the Jim Henson Studios. Classic about the studios, but they did an amazing job of these puppets. Oh, yeah. Hansen puppeteer shit is through the roof. I mean, it's just an absolute. convergence. Golden Harvest is working

on this. I mean, it's just... You do want Chinese money in a movie. It was the most successful and we probably say that on the episode, which we haven't recorded yet, so I'm just going to make a note to say it's available now and in studio quality, folks. That's right. But it was the most

successful independent film of all time until Blurwich Project. Nice. It's a big run for that guy. Yeah, and also... It's crazy to think like, you know, Those Michael Bay bombastic, gross, CGI, huge budgeted Ninja Turtle Paramount movies. But, like, it all started with the tiny little Ninja Turtles 1990. So, yeah. And it moved on if you're on our animation damnation tier.

We're doing a, that like mid-aughts, I think it's 2012-ish. Jason Biggs might have been involved. Sean Ashton was definitely involved. Tertles reboot animation show, Wherein, Roseanne? played Crang and we'll do a good episode with Roseanne as Crank. I'm just baking cookies. There's nothing else to.

It's a joke. Dan, I want Shrater. I want the lottery. Darling, get off the phone. Becky, I OD on painkillers. Which is still one of the funniest

fuck yous in TV history. We should say this about this episode, gang. fucking rocket scientists at some of these clubs. We wanted to share this episode with you. The audio is a little wonky. We want to get that away out of the way up front. It is what it is. You know,

if it's a beef with you, I get it. We'll be back with another episode next week. That's right. You know, we try to hammer home with these people as much as possible. Don't fuck it up. And if you want in studio, blah, blah, blah like this, Patreon.com

has thousands of hours of That's right. So that's it. This is us talking Glenn Close and Michael Douglas in Fatal Attraction and Joy. You want to get fucked. Hi. Brindon. Brindon.

Brindo. Brindo. SLC, what is? SLC, what is happening? Hi, everybody. How are you doing? I'd like to welcome everyone to a frank and erotic discussion.

Yes. Led by four guys that look like they have to be reminded that Buffalo Wild Wings does indeed close in five minutes. Four men who could not close on Glenn Close. Oh, no. Given all the energy in the world,

just nope. We'd have the door closed on us by Glenn Close. Yes, for sure. Yeah, yeah. He makes the thought make of his own. Assault puddle, if you will. So, we've been on stage 15 seconds?

That's what the movie's about. Well, yeah. Well, it's like a script. You know, you have to wait 25 pages. You wait five minutes before the cum jokes come out. You got to wait to hit it. I'll let's start over. Okay, okay.

Forget all. I got it. How many y'all are familiar with the show? run on the internet. A couple folks. If you are new to this train, we are a comedy show that takes a bad movie like Fatal Attraction and talks about it for a little while

and makes fun of it and makes fun of other things kind of associated with the movie or maybe not. So we'll see what it happens. But this is Fatal Attraction from 1987 directed by Adrian Lyme. And this is my right, you want to see this filmography. This guy. Nothing but fuck movies.

I mean, he's the He's the king of literally fucking around and finding out Indecent proposal Okay, nine and a half weeks The Lolita remake Unfaithful And what was it

2021's deep water with Ben Affleck In the middle of that Is the abandoned Transformers reboot Where an Optimus Prime Really just reams Megatron Just really just goes fucking Hog Wilde on. You have your oil and me.

I steal you inside of me. Listen, Megatron. I was hitting it and quitting it. You need to leave me alone. Stop calling my house. StarScream, did you kill my rabbit? Oh, no, I've cheated on Vivian.

How will I ever live with myself? Well, what is it, Optimus? Did you have an affair with StarSream? Yes. Yes, I do. did. I'm just picturing a huge car robot

talking to like a five-foot woman in a bedroom. Yeah, absolutely. Looking out whimsically at the rain as it pours down, just getting ready for the big emotional moment. Can you believe we can afford this Manhattan apartment? I can fit in here. It's a God blessing.

You can really park Optimus Brown in these guys in houses an apartment in this thing. That's true. It's, I mean, I mean, we start in this apartment and like, well, we get a good, you know, morning or like, it's sunset i guess is happening like a wet sack of laundry these opening credits yeah no music quiet no music like sort of like new york city waking up but who gives a fuck we've seen that a

thousand times you got to go the die hard three route and just hot down so i'm in the finish yeah if it's like sleepy new york and then boom and whatever it is limb biscuit sure whatever sure sure sure sure yeah oh somebody it sounds like dope base heard of the nooky demo tapes. Those are a pre-baked biscuit? Yeah, that's a... Socky biscuits. Salted it, yeah.

God, yeah, so like... Well, speaking of fluids like that, Michael Douglas, considering what happens in this movie, early on, gets very, very, very protective of his daughter from watching, you can't do that on television.

Wow. This is perfect for... This is fortunate when the torrential come. because these people are getting cat with this stuff, right? You know the swam that falls down? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

And it comes in different colors when it's Michael Douglas. He's got that kind of money. He had the surgery. I had that kind of. I couldn't believe taking a look at this. You can't do that on television. You all remember that show?

Oh, wow. It was like a Canadian television show for children, okay, that they aired on Nickelodeon here in the States. it was a lot of like, if the kids said like, oh, the magic word, I don't know, they get slynes and it's duched with probably cancerous material.

And then the other like famous gag of the show was like kids at like firing, like facing a firing squad for some reason. And this was for children. Look, you got to prepare them somehow. I mean, what's going to happen? If you appear, you can't do that on television

station at Camp Lejeune in the year's 19th. You may be entitled. I mean, the firing squad is what Michael Douglas needs at the end of this, because this dude is just throwing grenades at his own life. Oh, yeah. It's a nice, like, idyllic beginning, you know what I mean? Like, everybody, we're getting ready for a party, you know? Oh, this work party.

It's the 1980s, so it's the film, like, the law was the profession was you worked in publishing. Yeah, if you were making movies. So he's like, he's a lawyer for a publishing company. Am I understanding that, right? That's been true. I did book laws. Yeah. book lawyer.

This character is right. I'm covering Art Spiegelman for a little bit, just to see, you know, he's got some problems. No, it's like some Japanese self-help book because, again, it's the late 80s. And we just learned what Japan was for some reason. In the late 80s, everyone's, oh, wow, what's sushi? And why, this is supposed to be a very big publisher. They're supposed to be like a penguin level type thing. And they're putting out a book called Samurai Self-Help.

I guess we were just allowing this at the time. This had no idea. So many samurai needed itself. I guess, you know, after the show they fell in point, there were a lot of roents out. Dude, after that book came out, the sepacu rates went right through the floor, you know what I mean?

Like, we stopped doing sepacu. For good? For good, yes. Oh, no. Are you bummed? Like, should we bring it back? Yeah, I think it's an honorable way to go out. That's true.

I know some people that I wish committed sepacos. See, look. A couple sitting on this stage. There's a good, whoa. Try to guess, switch ones. You can't do that on television. So, also, I have to bring up,

as is the fashion in 1987, Michael Douglas is walking around the house in a button-up shirt and tidy whiteys. And even then, he is just oozing sex. Yeah. So, my Lord. It's just amazing. The man looks fantastic.

If you wear our white, cut out the middle movie. It's representative. You understand? They go to this party, and Glenn Close has gotten, I'm going to ruin your life written all over her. This is not a, like, it's going to be a cool one-time thing. She looks like a terror. And she's there's daggers?

Yes. She looks like she just stopped transforming into a dragon five seconds ago. Like, you know what I mean? Like, she was a dragon on the way in and then turned into a lady. I was about to do by Mortal Kombat Anamality, but I decided to go to this publishing party instead. And who else is at this publishing party? but one James Eckhouse. You know who he is.

Of junior fame. Jim Wall from Beverly Hills 902 and up. Absolutely. All along and you love the parents on that show. Cindy, I got to go to New York for this samurai self-help book. Take care of the kids. Make sure they don't fool around or nothing. With each other, of course.

It happens. Don't tell me. It doesn't happen, Cindy. But dad, I need to prepare it. it's actually kind of a great role like I would love this role because it doesn't like he's just an extra it's not he doesn't have any lines or anything but if you had to give the extra

a character name it's drunk guy at party yes I feel like that's a role all of us could really knock right out of the park right I think it's about 30 minutes and Michael Douglas's best friend is like at least like kind of flirting with Glenn Close first right yeah he tries dude he steps up to the plate But then Michael Douglas breaks every cardinal rule and uses his friend for comparative hitting on.

You know what I mean? It's like, well, at least I don't look like that guy, right? You know my best friend? Like at the bar, they're both getting drinks. And he's like, so my co-worker Jimmy, real dog, huh? I have glasses, but I don't need glasses, you know, honey. But this is also just Michael Douglas at this time. You always have to give him a fat friend.

Yes. Even in basic instinct, he's. got a fat friend that gets but I think he always needs that comparison well that's what this movie needs is a little bit of a body count I mean look the movie like yeah it takes that dog is so thrilled when they buy that rabbit

because his fucking there is a death clock above that dog and then they're like oh shit they got the rabbit he's like who okay cool like the infidelity be damned the way Michael Douglas takes care of this dog in this movie fuck that guy The way he takes care

We're just letting it, just locked in this apartment At one point he feeds it spaghetti Yeah, yeah, he's giving it Bolognais, which is going to kill it or make it shit all over it. Yeah, like he famously is bad at taking this dog out, so he feeds it Boulinase. Good luck cleaning up that diarrhea, dude. What are you doing?

Well, what I think was happening there was because Anne Archer, his wife in this movie, she tells him at some point, you know, there's sauce in the fridge if you want anything. He's like, I got to pretend like I was here. exactly that's oh boy

yeah yeah and the dog shit everywhere I just left it do you want to clean it up yeah

so like they meet at this party it's not exactly a meat cute but it's like this very like sexual kind of like

hello how are you oh yeah a move that I can't do I can't just go up like hi you kind of right

is that where yeah no you got that thunderbolt stare do you okay yeah well like I mean as you were saying

Steve I mean, it's much more attraction. They should have just called the movie attraction. It doesn't really get to the fatal part until the last 15 minutes. But that's why it should be a body count, right? She should also be a serial killer. Oh, definitely. Yeah.

So the whole thing is he's got to work on a Saturday. There's some big meeting so they have to get together. And, oh, the wife is going out of town with the daughter. I'm going to check if they need a country house because he's a loaded. He goes to this publishing meeting and he starts dipping a bagel like it's chicken. Gibson Caso. Never saw this before my life. I just,

I want nothing but bad things to happen to this guy. And he's eating it like a bird. Like he's taking little nibbles. Like, it's a bagel. Take a hawk out of it. Cream it up is no?

Yes. Oh my God. We didn't mention that the boss had the neck brace potentially from kind of link to sex. Yes. That is a joke that happens in this movie where they're like,

oh, you hear about Dan or Dave or whatever it is? Like, yeah, he's in that neck brace. How do you think he got there? What a fucking loser, enjoying having sex with his wife. wife. It's just so funny. That's like a joke at this movie and then eventually

Michael Douglas got the same thing. Oh, that's right. Yeah, Catherine Zeta Jones' vagina gave me throat cancer. Captain Zeta Jones is that push. He's kind of like Camp Lejeune. You can't go back to it? You cannot go back there.

He really, really likes it. That's all. All right. Got it. I mean... Sorry, troops. Yeah, I have a neck brace, too. I think it's going to protect me from the other cancer I'm going to get from all the conalinguists. Yeah, so they're like in this meeting and you're, you know, she's like, you have cream cheese on your nose.

That's adorable. Oh, my God. You're so fucking hot. You've got cream cheese on your nose. Just a little, boop. Like she's pointing. Yeah. I got a little.

Oh, my God. You get cream cheese on your nose. Can you cream my nose. Thanks a look like you all. Nose creamings together. nose creamy yes no okay got it

it's a famous old candy sold over the counter you guys aren't better for that but kids are you'll love you know they go out for a drink because they get caught in the rain

and this is when the conversation immediately he's doing way too much like emotional stuff like don't do your dad's divorce with a first of all don't cheat on your wife

up the street you know what I mean like go smart move go somewhere else go to the out of the road yeah exactly i'm not crossing a bridge to fuck what are you kidding me traffic this time of day look walden books is fucking paying your salary go to take a taxi out to brooklyn yes and figure it out yeah don't do it like literally in your backyard but also on that

way i mean i don't know have you heard of paying for it yeah just come on you're a high up businessman lawyer dude. Have you heard of masturbating? Also, yeah. That solves fatal attraction. Absolutely. No, I can't do that. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That'd be cheating. Oh, shit. My hand will not be ignored anymore. My hand's calling me at work.

His hand starts killing the rabbit. It's like evil dead too. Yes. Mastarding too much. Come back to me, Michael. Come back to me. Grip me. See, yeah, I mean, this movie does need more paranormal element. to it. So that could definitely be one.

Yeah. Because as is, it's just a very long, like, lifetime movie with a better director of photography behind the camera. Well, I realize if I got that, uh, paranormal activity that I wanted just there, then that's just the hand with Michael Kane. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That guy can't ask you,

well, no, because the hand is killing people, remember? If you were called. Well, speaking of, a lot of people were considered, a lot of actors were considered for Michael Duncan's character. Is that right? Imagine an erotic thriller with Dan Aykroyd in it? Ooh.

Yeah, I already saw that, dude. It's called that one moment in Ghostbusters would have fucking Spector sucks him off. Imagine a real woman doing it. You can't. You can't. Ah, do you like M. Butterfly? Yeah, I love the opera. Um, Tom.

Tom Hanks, Robert De Niro through the script right in the garbage. For sure. Martin Sheen, I don't know if this is true. O.J. Simpson was Oh, well, well. Fatal attraction. Yeah, he remade it about five or six years later.

That was that eight-hour documentary about it. It was just called Fatal Attraction. Dennis Quaid, Alperino, Arnold Schwarzenegger. What? Yeah, I've got some cream cheese on my nose. Arnold Schwarzenegger cannot fit in this apartment. I'm sorry. Oh, no. Glenn closes a learning computer.

I'll have to destroy her one last cheap. Why are you cutting my head open? I'm not a computer. Please stop. Uh-huh. John Ramald, Sylvester Stallone as well. Yeah, man.

I could see it. I'm a pretty erotic guy myself. I'm, uh, I'm a book lawyer. Yeah, see, that's, do I look like I have read more than one book? Yeah, you would have,

that's a whole script rewrite right there, dude. Hey, the sucks. He's like, uh, uh, uh,

uh, and, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh,

I only cover the Tom Clancy books. That's all I'm good for. Yeah, anything they sell at airports, man. That's what I do. You hear about this hot shot Robert Ludlum? Unbelievable stuff. It's all like all the other garbage you read. But like Michael Douglas is like getting emotion.

Like, oh man, my parents' divorce really screwed me up, man. Real wild detail here, he's like, yeah, my folks separated and my mom asked me to represent her? Yeah, it's like this Ritchie Tenenbaum thing. Yeah, totally. She's just like, okay, fine, dude. That sounds very interesting. But she says with piercing insane eyes, like,

I could be discreet. No, no, you can't. No, I know, I know already. Because she's like, and she's like, oh, so you're a lawyer, right? And he's like, yeah, that's right, baby. And she's like, well, you must have to be discreet. Can you be discreet? And here, it's like, stop lighting her cigarette.

pay the check and just jerk off go home and JJO folks rent the big chill she's in that totally yeah absolutely she also calls off a date which I have to assume it's with George Costanza

to get this fuck date going yes I think there's maybe a little bit of a lie why why not I guess yeah I mean just to get him excited I guess that she's like canceling yeah exactly Like, I canceled for you, hot stuff. Well, that's getting me going.

I already, ooh, I domed a man today. Oh, my God, you broke plans for me. I'm important. They go back to, it's kind of a smash cut. They immediately go back and they have a threesome. It's him, her, and her sink is involved. Well, there's such that so much includes everything including the kitchen. It's just so weird.

Like, you know, we always remember things like, you know, the sexy pottery montage and goes. you know, things of that nature. Why aren't we talking about the fatal attraction sink fucking? Because it's tap. She's rubbing New York City tap water in his face. Talk about getting broke cancer, my God. Well, it's a legionaire's disease. Okay, got it.

But she got her fanny's hitting the plates. Maybe it's a little leftovers on the mat. Oh, maybe she sat on a fork. That did something. Neville some broccoli off on her ass. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's Putineska on my bottom. But yeah, she's just putting her hand in the tap water, like,

some for you, some for me. This is my, at this point, this is what Michael Douglas sex scenes were at the time. He has to be destroying something while he's fucking. In disclosure, he's like wrecking desks. He's like, I want to get fucked. He's a big stand-up dude. He's always doing standing up.

It's a prowess. It's a stand-up prowess. He's got the legs for it. He's doing the like, I'm carrying you while still inside you move. Yeah. Not too shabby. He's like literally holding Glenn clothes with one arm.

Oh, yeah, well, two arms. Oh, right. Excuse me. Yeah. Let's see Tom Hanks do this. Yeah, Sherry could dance on that huge piano, but could he do this? Tell me, Tommy, can you do a wall? Fuck, didn't think so. You know, a lot of the sex in this movie, it's, it's, it's, he signed this.

Yes, it's, it's a lot at the time. Nipple licking in cinema. I mean, a movie like this, get it right out of here. That's precisely why Arnold Schwarzenegger would be terrible for that movie. Because could you imagine everyone just groaned and they're all correct. I shall now go between, I will now go between your shoulder blades and start to suckle. Is this doing anything for anyone? Arnold, you have both of them in your mouth now.

This is a little weird now. Could you please stop? Oh, see, but if it was the Terminator, man, then it's kind of dangerous because during that sink fucking, if he gets wet, like maybe you short-circuited or something, then you're in trouble, yeah. Would you like your nipple in my gap, too?

Oh, Jesus. I'm a fucking computer. Yes, I have many stabbing weapons, if you know what I mean. And it's kind of, when they, like, really, like, when they finally hit the bed, there was one of the funniest little cuts. So, like, you found to remember,

we actually just talking. about an episode a couple weeks ago, the very famous train going into the tunnel at the end of North by Northwest, right? This movie, like, when they get down to fucking, and there's supposed to be, like, some sort of climax here, we cut to this, like, slow-boiling coffee pot that's just like well, that's how he ejaculate. That's Michael Douglas. That's how he does it.

It's steam. Like a science graph. That's how you can tell. You can hear it while I'm going. It's like baking soda and vinegar. They're both dead. devastated by this intense lovemaking and she's like, let's go to a Latin dance club.

They do. The neighborhood she lives in is where the Ninja Turtles live in the first Ninja Turtles. They are like right upstairs like, could you keep it down dude? Whoa, it sounds like you're fucking on a sink or something. We actually have a new exercise book from the shredder coming out

just to get how all the foot clan gets his own shape. Oh, dude, yeah, how to shred those pounds. Oh, there you go. Beautiful. Isn't that that lady that was dating split to last fall. I thought they were the hot couple. We saw them at that Cure concert.

Oh, boy. That'd be more interesting being it pregnant by a rat. I mean, if you have to choose, you want to go with the rat. At least it's a mammal, right? That's like... As opposed to what? Michael Douglas? Oh, I mean, Ninja turtles.

Oh, I see. The rest of the Ninja Turtles. Oh, so the choice to sleep with either Master Splinter or one of the four Ninja Turtles. Exactly. I see. The Ninja Turtles do have those muscles. that are very attractive.

They're younger, more virile, for sure. Michael Angel is a party, dude. He might be the most... He might be a selfish lover, actually. Yeah. Oh, yeah, dude. Damn him out. Well, he's smart.

He's the one that he's going to need that neck brace by dawn, you know what I mean? Steer the fuck clear of Raphael, unless you want to get fucking texts at four o'clock in the morning. He's making you wear a collar all day. You have to call him. Yeah, I mean, that's the fucking fatal attraction.

Dude, Raphael would be calling people at 2 o'clock in the morning I thought we had something special come by I'm down here in my trench coat and everything did you wear your fake human face while you fuck dude

the hat too please fuck me while you dress like a dude hiding in a porno theater that's how you dress with a trench coat like a flash look it's beautiful oh man I love pasta but we have pizza instead Uh, then comes, unfortunately, the, uh, elevator oral sex scene.

That's, uh, it's really something. I mean, she wants to get evicted from this fucking building, doesn't she? I think she's living there illegally, first of all. I mean, speaking to the Ninja Turtles, this place looks run down. Yes. Yeah. I know it's below 14th Street in the late 80s, so it checks, but like, she's not getting evicted. Are you kidding?

There's been 17 dicks sucked in that elevator the very day this movie takes place. Yeah, that's fair. They have to clean it every day. They're not cleaning anything, dude. It's just disgusting lost department downtown. Leo, I went upstairs to get the dominoes. I got in the elevator and somebody

started sucking my cock, all right? Look, I mean, if you have a child with one of the teenage mutant Ninja Turtles, though, they will have a shell and that's protection. Yeah, that's true. That's defense. Thank you. She gets pregnant. This dude is not wrapping it up in New York City

in 1987. Are you fucking serious? How do you let her become a fetal attract. I mean, you know, when you're right, you're right. Yeah, look. Yeah. Yeah, that's the elevator scene.

They do that. Well, wait, no, hang on. The best part about the elevator action scene is like, she is just going to town on this dude in this elevator, and he's got a funny look on his face the whole time, which is great. She ends and he begin. That's right. They just, like, turn into one thing,

and she stops the elevator. and he's just like kind of like trying to hide what's going on as some dude walks by oh excuse me mr bashful getting head in an elevator just own it that is the guy who's just like take it out is about to take out the trash like i got a fucking move man again with this elevator i get 40 dollars a month in rent it's a huge place what a gift but this again i'm pretty sure i saw a digital get sucked off this morning. He was wearing the trench coat and everything. I can't believe she found it.

It's the secret of the news. Yes. Fucking finally. We've been talking about Ninja Turtles for 20 minutes. I'm slow. Hey, Luigi. Yeah, yeah. It's Mark and B.A. Could you maybe

scrape the cum off the elevator? Look, I saw someone getting it. No, it's fine. You know, consent in adults, whatever. I live there. I just don't want to step in. Okay, look, I'm a fucking super for five different buildings, asshole, all right? I got a lot of units to take care of. I can't be scraping

the come off your elevator floor every day, all right? Okay, maybe... Not even the floor? Can you just put up a sign no blowjobs in the elevator, please, comma, the management? Oh, well, I did that. They ignore it. They just ignore it straight out. No, plus it's a magic mark for making that blowjobs

in the elevator, yes. 24-7. So they go back, and she's sleeping, and it's like, oh, you know, I got to go home and walk my dog, man. I've been criminally neglecting this dog for about 24 hours. Oh, yeah, it's the fucking worst. And he comes home, the dog is just right there on the floor, like in front of the door, like, hey, asshole. You remember me? Yeah.

Well, you're always expecting this dog to get it, but it should, he should open the apartment door, and it should be the shining elevators, but with dog piss. It should just be flooding out and hitting other things. He calls his wife, and she's like, oh, wow, I missed you last night. What was going on? He's like, I got dinner with Bill. And she's like, oh, how's Bill? No, look, on the elevator up, you're not planning an alibi?

She's like, oh, Bill, Bill's Bill, Bill's just Bill. You know, he was Billing around at dinner. You know, Bill, he's doing Bill stuff. Yeah, he just eating the hamburger, you know, like Bill does. He certainly wasn't sucking my dick. Oh, you know, Bill, you know, he's about 510, 170 pounds, glasses, you know, graying air. You know, Bill. But they're going to stay through the weekend, and he's like, well, I should get this work done.

Glenn Close calls him immediately, and this is when you have to be like, yeah, this isn't going to work out. You know what I mean? Like, you can't meet this woman in Central Park. He's like, he's trying to be like, I got a lot of work to do. you know, this was fun. He does leave a note. And I think he thinks that's going to like settle at all, but she doesn't even see it.

But then he's like, well, and I got it. You know what? I can't fuck you today because I got to go walk my dog. And she's like, well, I could come to the park with you. Right there. Right there. It's like hang up the phone. Just hang it up.

Like the chances are you running into your wife's friends or anybody else. Like, oh, hey, what are you doing flirting with that blonde woman in the fucking park? You're a rich lawyer. Everybody's going to know. And they know your dog. two asshole like and this is the most like the first night at least like it's it's an affair like they have sex they go out to the club

and they come back and they have even more sex that is good night this is hey let's run in the park together oh this steamy affair we're having we're just run around it's just a cute date now yeah great exactly you start there yeah right don't you already do that with your wife like what the fuck well that's part of this right because there is a moment before the

Torrid affair happens where like he's kind of maybe going to get late and she's like oh quick go walk the dog and he's like all right you come back and then he comes back and he's like he opens the door like who's ready out and the kid is right there in the bed total fucking cock block and the wife's like

maybe tomorrow no no no I'm going to use this to have a tour and affair this very weekend this is your fault I mean Come on, honey. You just know, I need it sometimes. You know what? We never have sex on the sink anymore.

This whole marriage is going south. When was the last time I got to peel a hardened thing of spaghetti off your ass? Remember back when we were first thing, we were doing it on the sink so hard, I actually put the drains and all the hair out of it with my own. Babe, babe, let's spice it up. I brought a pitcher of tap water into the bed. Nice.

we haven't broken furniture in so long and archer we haven't destroyed our home while fucking that's just sad but yeah so they're having a nice date there's this weird part where he plays dead and she gets really upset and like the whole like her dad had a heart attack thing like I don't give a shit folks

it's interesting because then she's like oh actually he did it so I got you I got one of you I mean that's the thing there's a big reveal later where you find out it actually happened. I'm like, who gives this shit? What did that matter?

It's supposed to be like, you know, this is 19, whatever. 87. Yeah. That's what psychology was. Yes. I saw your dad die. That's why you're fucked in her. Oh, my God.

She told me the truth and then slightly backtracked. I don't know what to do anymore. You know what you definitely don't do? Go back to her fucking house and have her cook you spaghetti, asshole. What do you have it? The frigates you're giving to the dog. I'm going to say, you know, we talk a lot about red flags. Red flag, you walk into a house and M. Butterfly is blaring.

I just go, the whole expression going out for hammered when you got staking home. Yeah. Going out of spaghetti when you got spaghetti. He brings the dog, and now the dog is an unwilling accomplice. The dog is just like, you made this dog part of your infidelity now. This is dog goes through a lot He's not

He sees this woman suicide Yes He's a major character That Quincy Dog's just like Can we go home dude All the dogs Point of

Yes Hell yeah It's in black and white And all the voices Are obscured Hey lady Ma ma ma ma ma ma ma

conalinguish B'bop bo bach Cucked him off in an elevator Bavat and bo bach fucking off the dishes Hey lady do you have actual dog food because I've just beaten fucking Putin-esque and goddamn Bolognese

and I'm shitting everywhere and I'm going to do in your house, too. Oh, I haven't had a solid shit in days. Oh, yeah, here's some chocolate bars by now. Oh, great a suicide attempt. I guess we're going to be here all night. You don't have any Alpo? God damn it. He tells some weird story here.

He's like, oh, yeah, M. Butterfly, my favorite opera or whatever. And he's like, I saw it with my dad one time. And he leaned over and went, she's going to kill herself. And I was so scared. I hit under the, it's like Batman talking about fucking being scared. But this is like, because the movie actually has a theme that just totally gets derailed by this reshoot ending, which we'll talk about for an hour. Yeah. But like, yeah, the suicide thing is part of the movie.

You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Technically, it was supposed to be. Yeah. It would have been better if it was, except for we get two endings this time, which is nice, I guess. Because he's, that he's like, yeah, I guess I got. to get going and then she like cuts her wrists well wait a second though nothing gets you hornier than filling up on like three bowls of pasta right like let's get down they do have sex again

and he's trying to leave this is she like rips his shirt off right and this is like dude just grab what you can get that dog and get the fuck out of here okay and first of all even if you know she she splits her wrists in this scene and rubbing the blood in space what you should do is like all right let's get you an extra warm bath down things now come on bottle of red wine we could have just and then he just walks out he does he's a coward you're right eric yeah if he was more of like a patrick bateman type yeah i think that would work nicely why don't you just write this note really quickly and leave me out of it

what would work against that theory is i guess he remembers that he shot inside of her so yes they you know they they pump that arm and they They got me. They got me dead to rights. 87, though, I don't know. I don't know. Any forensic scientists out there? I forget what part of Zodiac they figured that out.

But he like stays overnight, and then the next day he's like, you promise you're going to go to the doctor? And I'm like, dude, you are so fucked already. This is an emergency room visits. Exactly. I'm just going to rip up a t-shirt, baby. What is any of this? Call 911.

And then leave. Or call 911 and be like, you know what? Everything's fucked anyway. You know what I mean? Get ahead of this of the story. Well, what is the extra? You're good, right? Yeah.

You're good, right? I mean, come bad. I mean, we just knew it. But you're good, right? Come back. I ordered you a bacon, egg, and cheese from downstairs. It'll be up in about 10. I thought you're good, right?

We're cool. It's on me, by the way. I don't want you to think that I would leave you with that bill for $3. Oh, and by the way, that shirt that I ripped up and I, I wrapped around your bleeding wrists. You don't need to pin me back for that. That's just, that's between you and me. It was an old shirt anyway. I didn't like it.

I was such a good guy. Look, L.L. Bean is good. It's good branding, but you know, I could buy another one. I just want to, when he walks out, he's got the dog, the dog looks at him like, what the fuck was that about? Why didn't you call 911? Look, I appreciate the pigeons on the stool and everything, but this is too much.

Because that bloodless begins to us coming out. Yeah, and then he goes to work and, like, he's behind on everything because he's been fucking all weekend. Yeah. I've actually never been there. You never put off some work to fuck all weekend? Oh, yeah.

And then lie right in Lois Smith's face about it. Steve's like, yeah, I'll pick this work back up in 56 minutes. All on. Exactly. That was a cigarette break. Yeah, that's all that was. This is a nuclear move, though, because she shows up at the office, like, unannounced, and it's a really, because they know that she's been there for work purposes already, and then it's like, oh, yeah, Glenn Close is back here. We didn't have a meeting on the books with her. Why is she? He's just like, ah, get in my office right now. Get my office. Close the door. Get in my office. She is dressed like a fucking refugee from Sid City in this fucking jacket. Totally, dude. She was dating the yellow bastard before Michael Douglas. She's a big, I mean, I thought she was about to take command of all the penguins in Gotham for a moment here with this.

It is a cobra commander outfit she's wearing to this fucking law office. She is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also, we should point out, at this point, Anne Archer has come back from the country home thing. And we've met two things have been dropped. The kid wants a rabbit. Now, they have a dog. Michael Douglas goes insane Because he's like

What is this Noah's ark I'm gonna have two pets What are you talking about Dude you have a dog Like I get it right If there was like a bunch of like Cats going around You had a monkey for some reason

But don't know I think you see a guinea pig At some point But still man Give it up He's criminally negligent With this dog already Now another thing I don't have to feed

All right well one of them's gonna die I'm just gonna say that now Well at least with the rabbit If I accidentally kill it can eat it. So I'll get a carrier for the rabbit so I can bring it to my next girlfriend's apartment. He just shows up with six animals. You get a rabbit and you get a rabbit. Here you go, baby. So she's like, oh, by the way, just stop by to say, sorry about the suicide attempt in front of you. Hope there's no bad blood. I have two tickets to Madam Butterfly in two weeks. Want to come

with me. That's your favorite opera. Remember, it's the one thing I know about you. If you get scared this time, I'll be sitting right next to you. What part of a fair did you not understand? It's supposed to be for like two days tops,

right? That's a fair. Right? This is a, he does say this isn't going to work out. I don't think I can see you anymore kind of a thing, you know, but it's a little too, a little too late once after what's a suicide attempt. Well, that also and then we get five minutes of her tragically turning the

light on and off as I mean it's just it's incredibly compelling well it's while him Michael Douglas and this other fat guy are just bowling having a great time it's kind of hilarious let me tell you right now I want this like listen there's so much about New York that is better now right

but there's still a lot of problems here's one thing that we don't have grungy ass bowling alleys like this all the bowling in the city is like you know like Hoyty to any like cocktails and bowling and neon lights and who gives a shit our concert menu like

yeah just give me a disgusting smells like cigarettes bowling alley like they have here this one was off the jersey turnpike they went for a ride to get to this one it is kind of a ridiculous like they're cutting back and forth to her just like turning this light on and off and then Michael Douglas having a great

time bowling for his friends only a psycho would put the lights on it I don't know why it's happening like macho man Oh yeah This lady's crazy Oh he was also considered For the Michael Douglas role

Oh man He would have knocked Oh yeah I got sink water On my dick Mm-hmm Apologies I love mad of butterfly

But I cannot attend This performance We fucked all the weekend On that board Snap it to my slim gym Oh yes Ooh I take much better care of my dog

though. Wait a minute. Why does your apartment smell like Ninja Turtles? Boer saw it's ready. Brother, you just cannot give a dog bolognais like that. You're going to kill that dog, brother. Oh,

that dog's going to have diarrhea. Wait, now, wait, hey, now it's just turned to Macho Man watching the movie. Yeah. First he was Mature Man in the movie that we switched somewhere, now he's just watching it. Oh, no, They sent me cheesy movies the worst they can find.

Celeste, can you bring out the popcorn? Baby, come on. Get some tab out too. You know, so like it's kind of progressing, right? They're doing stuff. Yeah. I mean, she's still turning off on and off the light

as last we see her before. The next thing I think is the pregnancy thing. Yeah, she keeps calling him. She's calling his apartment. He winds up changing. changing his number because of, like, all the hang-up calls. And I wonder, like, what's that conversation with your wife? Like, you know, we should just change our number for no good reason.

I have a stalker. Yes, that's, you know, they've been saying, you know, someone keeps coming to the office at work. No, it's definitely not a woman. Don't worry about that. Yeah. Robert Ludlum is just tracking me everywhere. He won't stop. He wants more boring books to come out. There's this great moment where Glenn Close is, like, calling the phone company.

Like, why can't I contact this number anymore? And, like, other numbers disconnected. She's like, oh, could you give me the new number? And he's like, sorry, I can't. She's like, well, fuck you. And the guy's like, my place are yours, babe. I love that this chick gets roasted by the phone company. She met the one 18, AT&T guy who was drinking on the job.

Yeah, it was like his last day. Like, yeah, dude, you want to, you want to fucking figure it out? I'm free in an hour, baby. Yeah, you heard what I said to her, Gary. What are you going to do? Fucking fire me? It's my last day as a telephone operator. You don't have enough sassy.

The time is suck my dick, lady. Bye. It's my last day as a telephone operator. At the tone, you can kiss my ass. Last day. He wiped out our whole system. It's all recordings of him now. That's all it is.

Call the fire department. It's him. If you'd like to take a call, stick something up your ass. Come on. everybody. Oh, this is an emergency 9-1-1? I don't think so, buddy. Why don't you just wrap her up a t-shirt? That always works, dude. It's the oldest trick in the book. Yeah, because she, so one of the times she does pick up the phone and she's like, all right, you've been dodging me. He says

something like, oh, I'm going to call you later. She's like, no, no, no, meet me outside your office tomorrow six o'clock and they go down into the subway here they're just having this like sork and like walk and talk kind of why would you do this is such a personal intense conversation go to a fucking coffee shop that is almost closed and find a corner

you should not be walking and talking through the subway with this another idea go to the office and just have everybody hear it because you might as well at this point man it's awful though and then just one of the weirdest left field thing she's just like well I love you you know and he's like

I think it's right here that he's like, all right, she's been calling and she showed up at work, but now she's saying she loves it. Now I'm fucked. I'm fucking. Did they install cameras in the subway yet? Can I push her? Well, I mean, this just just draws it.

It's either I have to kill myself or I have to kill her. It's just that it's one or the other. You often say when you will kill yourself in a film. Let's say you're caught up in a tour to a fair location. Would you kill yourself in this moment? No, I'd wait until. Three minutes later when she tells me she's pregnant, then I'm going, right?

Right on the tracks, dude, I'm done for her. Smart move. Right now, I'm like, all right, it seems salvageable because then she's like, I'm pregnant, and then he does the thing like where he's concerned. You know, don't, you know what? Free abortion on me.

I swear, it's going to be, he like doesn't think I'm going to pay for it. Like, that's going to make any difference. Just like you didn't have to pay me back for that torn shirt. You did not have to pay me back for this abortion. Don't worry about it. So you saw Dirty Dancing, too, right?

Remember the thing that happens towards the end of that movie? Maybe we think about it. Who knows? She says no, and then I'm like, all right, that's it. Let's see the A train. Teeth first. So he's like, all right,

how can I get myself in even more trouble? Oh, I know. Let's break into her apartment when she's not home. Smart booth. Because she says something about, like, oh, you can call, you know, the doctor to confirm that I'm pregnant and all this stuff. And he's like, yeah, right, I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

Hey, Luigi, yeah, yeah, it's Mark in 5A again. Look, all the doors are open? I don't know how. I don't know why, but I just see people walking in and out just, you know, willy-nilly. Could I get some help I'm at? Look, I gave up on the cum floors. At least do me this favor.

And also, could we just have a no ninja turtle policy, please? There's just a bunch of stats. acts of pizza boxes all over the lobby. It's pizza boxes and green ooze. I can't live like this. This is how co-op boards were invented. Somebody had to put control under all this.

But yeah, he only finds out in this sequence that like her father had a heart attack who cares. And then he goes to his friend who is immediately like who's been this jovial fun to do the entire movie. And it's like, well, you've ruined your life and ruined our friendship by telling me about

it. Well, because like she said, when she tells him about the pregnancy, she's like, here's my gynecologist, you know, call him. And you know that when he makes the call to gynecologist, he's like, please, please, please, please, oh, please be fake, please, please, oh, please, oh, please, oh, geez, oh, fuck,

fuck, I got a congratulations. It is great with this friend, though, because the friend the whole time has been kind of like trying to act as, you know, like we're making jokes about hitting on other women, this, that, and the other thing. And then when Michael Douglas, like, admits what's going, on. This friend is just stone base.

Like, dude, it was a joke before today. This is disgusting. A couple nights ago, I'm not going to do it on stage, but you did this thing with Michael Douglas. Calling back the Japanese, one of the weirdest

and most racist things I've ever seen, I literally cannot describe it. It's just really yeah, my life's over, I guess. Yeah, okay, fine. Yeah, right, okay. It's wild. And like, yeah, I mean, like, You brought the dog. You brought the dog to her apartment?

Oh, great. Now, the dog is in on this? Dog eyewitness. He's like, look, I'm a family lawyer, but I'm no dog lawyer. You're going to have to get that dog another lawyer. Danny, didn't you read that fucking case in Tallahassee? Dawes can testify now. New TV show dog lawyer, right?

Oh, totally. You know, it's about a guy that defense poochies? Yeah. Oh, so like a cat law, nothing. All right. Sir, it was technically their lawn that he was sitting on. Every case in the dog-biting someone,

everything's head for the being put down. Well, this dude's not a very good dog lawyer. Why would he have his own television show? A prestige drama. Yeah, I lose every case. Dog lawyer ran for 10 whole minutes. You make the film like the gray or blue and you get Emmy-on.

Yeah, sure, that's true. Another euthanized dog. I'll go home. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dog lawyer. Bu-blah, bu-blah, but-womp-up-Uthinized. Oh, no. I won't eat the posture again, I promise. So, speaking of eggs,

then closest this... Sure. Uh-huh. Just any which way we can reroute back to the movie. There is only... There's, like, one scene where, like, because you... In the movie, you're like, oh, is she lying or is she not? You know that she's not lying, not just from the gynecologist.

She's got, like, ice cream and Doritos in bed at one point. Oh, right, yeah. Well, I mean, I don't know if that's necessarily evidence, dude. That's me on a Thursday. Hello, yes, it's Adrian Lynn here. Yes, she must be a Kathy cartoon. I cannot stress this enough. She must be all the stereotypes possible.

Michael Douglas, I will not be ignored. Ah! Not a lot of Kathy fans out here, apparently. Look, you're right. You're right not to be a fan. Yeah, no, it was terrible. It was a terrible comic strip. It was a lot of enjoying chocolate and, like, not enjoying life.

That's about right. She enjoyed chocolate, cats, and fucking constant loneliness. Yes. Meanwhile, Michael Douglas is like, hey, babe, you know how you want to move to the country? Great idea. Yeah, and she's like, well, yesterday you said we couldn't afford it. Yeah, I was lying. Let's move tomorrow.

You know what? We can burn the apartment. Why don't we just burn the apartment, pretend that we died in it? Oh, no, this is what I'd feel myself. He comes home because they buy this house upstate New York. And then they're like, oh, let's, we have to sell our apartment. He's been ignoring Glenn Close as he's wanted to do. And he comes home and Glenn Close is looking at his apartment, talking to his wife.

This is when I just go and I'm just jumping off the bridge. You know what I mean? It's like, exactly. You're just leaving you head right from the Georgia Washington. Exactly. Just walk out. You don't even say anything. You put your briefcase down on the floor.

You give that dog one last pet. And then you just walk out, find the river. Ready to go. And Anne Archer is like about to give, she's, they're there, she's checking out thing, you know, she doesn't know who she is. And Ann Archer is like giving out all their personal information. She's about to give the social security numbers over to her when they fucking end this meeting. It's actually a pretty clever ruse, though, because the whole thing is she wants to

get the phone number. Yeah. Like, this is kind of pretty clever, actually. I mean, Michael Douglas is just another, like,

we're a fucking, bro the fucking man. It's so awesome because, like, Anne Archer's like, oh, hey, Michael Douglas, come in.

This is Glenn Close. She's looking to buy the apartment. And he's like, fantastic. And then it's like, oh, she wants to move in, you know,

she's expecting a baby. And he's like, congratulations. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. It's a miracle life. Honey, do we still have that rat poison?

we used a couple years ago. I've always wondered what it tasted like. Mmm. Rap poison. He's totally seething. She leaves and he's like, actually, excuse me, my loving wife for one minute. And this is the first of many scenes, these John Blue-esque fight scenes between Michael Douglas and a pregnant woman.

All this is like a dove spline. Exactly. Totally. Some fucking wire work or something. There's like three of them. Yeah. Chow Yun-Fat just like twirl. in the middle of one.

I guess that's another reason you can't get Arnold because again, like, you know, he's way too big. Oh, yeah, he'd throw her through the fucking brick wall, dude. But he's just murder. She's dead.

Oh, I was trying to grab a arm and then I killed her the end of the movie now, credits. Oh, I crushed the little rabbit. He's throwing her around and like, he's just like, you got to leave my wife alone, man. When he starts this scene,

it's a great Michael Douglas delivery. He just comes in and he's the only human in the shot and it's kind of this big, like he's taking up all the frame and he's like, I cut that shit, will you? Oh, man, it's awesome.

It reminds me of you want to get fucked, don't you? Yes, it does, yes. He's got a real nice, like, anger delivery system as an actor. It's not as warm as you want to get fucked. That's, you know, that's intention, that's loving. Yeah, that was a real heartwarming line of dialogue.

It is really. Yeah, does you grab a stroke him, too? Yes, he does. We're doing some, we're doing some strangling. First of five, I think. But this is where she says, I will call and tell your wife. And he's like, if you call my wife, I will fucking kill you. All right.

Uh-oh. Did you commit murder? No. So just yourself. Just, oh, yeah. No, that's, that's, that's nicer. Steve murders himself. Yeah, they go to Matt.

So now they're in their new, uh, bucolic house and everything seems okay. The phone rings like, oh, shit. Oh, no. It's just, it's just and or something. Oh, it's Lois Smith is calling him. The assistant. What a lot about this, though, is like, he's like, he's, like moving this giant dining table

with some mover guy. And the phone rings he's like, nope. Fucking shit on the floor. Fuck you guy. I'm going to go into the phone. I mean, I don't know how helpful this mover's being anyway. I don't know what this moving company is, but it's like Michael Douglas, huge dining room table,

86 year old man on the other end. Oh, it was his father-in-law. Yeah, right? Oh, man. I love that father-in-law. Man, he has a scene later that oh, we'll get to it. Oh, boy. But so like, you know, it's not, everything is going okay. He's like now commuting back and forth. The rabbit

has been purchased and the clock to this rabbit's death. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God, this is where he goes and gets his car and it's covered in the boiling acid. Where is the acid purchasing scene? I want her to go to the acid store. Yep. Yep. Caldose acid emporium. You know what I mean?

Well, it's one of the biggest problems with the movies. You don't know anything about her. And you also don't know if like anything she's saying is truthful. or whatever the case may be. But, like, if you're, you know, okay, a gun, fine. Okay, killing the rabbit. Yeah, that, you know, you can do that.

Makes sense. Procuring acid that can eat through the hood of a car? She'll be a scene of her, like, through the chemistry or fucking shotgun. She's probably on the board. Absolutely true.

She's got two big swinging, like, shopping bags with the skull and crossbone on them. I went to the poison store this afternoon. I mean, that's the thing is when you see the car, I was genuinely like, I don't know what happened to that. I do a fucking dilapasaurus got to it.

I was like, is this a Cronenberg movie and it's transforming into something else? Because like, it's bubbling. I'm like, why would you do this? I mean, look, before I, you know, I only saw this movie for the first time recently. It's one of those movies where it like just infiltrated the zeit guys, so you know

everything about it. We know about the rabbit, yada, yada, but if you were like, hey, Andrew, before you watch this movie, you think there's going to be acid to play in this? I was in no way! You know, if I learned a poison store, they'd call it Poe and Sons. Ooh. It's really bad.

I like saying that. Look, sweetheart, you bought the, sorry, the people acid. Car acid is actually, we have to make an order from our warehouse to get it. She defeated her previous lover, Optimus Prime. No, not car acid. She drained my battery acid Now I am powerless to transform What will Vivian think?

Truly unbelievable, calling me late at night Killing my rabbit and yes, using acid My carphone was ringing off the hook Now I'm going to have to go back to Rodrigo's detailing again Dude, I want to see Optimus Prime Just trying to handle a little rabbit, you know what I mean? He can't do that. My daughter will love this.

rabbit. Or it's bones or whatever's left. Yeah. Well, no, the rabbit is, you know, we like the rabbit at first. It's got a little pen, you know what I mean? It's, yeah, it seems whitey, real creative name for a rabbit. Yeah, good job, kid. Not great.

Not great ideas there. So he, like, quickly rents a car and then, you know, he's trying to drive back out of the city to go home. And she has left a tape for him at the office. And so, like, sure, you know, you just had acid portal over your car, you've got to rent a new car, you're driving out of the city,

put this tape in right now and see what's going on, and it's just like, hello, Michael Douglas, remember me? What's crazy about this fucking tape since so long? He drives from New York City to Westchester, still going, stopped, listen to it later than

night, it's a podcast. It is. Oh yeah, and it's a favorite one. He's rewinding it and giving it bet. The best parts he rewinds and gets in it. I won't be ignored, Dan, and neither will these prices from Casper Mattress. She could use a better help. You're right.

Hey, Dan, pow. I just shit my bands. Mooby has an eclectic selection of art house movies. You know what, Dan, you're a piece of shit. You're a liar and a coward. But right now, I'm going to rerun my interview with Gallagher because he just died.

We actually have not mentioned that my I just thought this is character's name is Dan Gallagher. Yes. There's been a death in the family. I can cheat on my wife, Mark. Now, what you should have done with her, Dan, is smash her. You smash her after you're done.

Actually, that's true. If it was Leo Gallagher instead of Dan Gallagher, he'd take care of this fucking lady too sweet. If you don't stop calling this house, you're going to be cursed planted, you son of a bitch. Someone's looking awful lot like a watermelon today. But, yeah, like, it's just this crazy long screen. It ends on this homophobic thing. He presses stop, and then later he's like, where was I? Yeah, I'm a piece of shit.

Okay, play. Oh, wait, okay, I got to get back to where the F bomb is. Let's get back to that. It was right after the Athletic Greens ad, but before all the homophobic slurs, right? All right. It's right around here, okay. It's just so awkward that they have to put it in twice.

Yes. They rerun the F bomb. That must have been, like, a higher up at Paramount, like, not have a movie without that word in it. You hear me? This is the 75th anniversary of Paramount. We need F-bombs.

Wait, hold on. How did Alex get an interview with Obama? That's amazing. Well, Dan? Yep. I wouldn't tune up my wife. No, if I would, I would just get an escort. I would just pay a woman.

That's what I would do. Uh, you know, the problem was. Stayed for the spaghetti. Should have left. Should have left after you got it wet. You know, Dan, I'm going to tell you, don't wear tan suits. You can make a bit of an uproar.

Some folks bring their dogs to their affairs. Other dogs don't do that. Yep. But you know what? This week of Obama, I would absolutely cheat on my legs. I have numerous... And I would let the dog watch.

No problem there. Her name is Tip. Is you great? All kidding. Fatal attraction, great movie, worst thing that happens to him is a fucking rabbit gets killed. No problemo. I've had hundreds of affairs never completed.

Never finished once. I mean, you have an affair to come up and there's Peter waiting for you. It's beautiful. It's a wonderful thing. Dan Gallagher, totally weak. Couldn't even talk a girl into having an abortion. I've done it a thousand times.

It's like brushing your teeth. I don't know what you're doing. It's my endorse. Hershal Wall. I know, I love him, Butterfly. Herschel Walker, the MVP of the boys. Oh, come on. Moving on.

We're going to move on. So, like, yeah, it's getting too close, too much. At this point, he fails at going to the cops really quickly. Yes, fucking hilarious. In all these movies, it's just the cops, like, well, what do you want me to do? about it. Well, it's great because he's like, I have a client who may or may not have had an affair that looks exactly like me. His name is Randalliger. He's a good friend. He's in a

publishing industry. He actually works for B. Dalton. No, but this is basically the bunny burning scene, right? Because basically he goes to the cops, the cops are like, what do you want me to do about it? You know, these things happen. If she ever breaks the law or kills one of your pets, please let us know and wouldn't you know it that buddy's in the fucking in the pot. It's a boil bunny.

It's not a burned bunny. This is an artistic decision. She's letting it boil the simmer. Do you think she was going Kill the rabbit, kill the rabbit. She's wearing the helmet and everything.

She's got a gun pointed at it and then it goes just points around. That's kind of what happens to her. No, no, actually she goes out to the yard and the rabbit

and the dog are arguing rabbit season, dog season, rabbit season, dog season. Oh, well, the hell with it. I'm just going to kill the daughter. But the daughter's devastated, right? Yeah, it's a bummer. At this moment now that it actually has come home and cost him a rabbit, he does do the thing, not even honorable thing. No, he just does a thing.

She has to ask him, to be clear. I don't think he was going to offer this up. She just happened upon the real question. I know, worse it, it's like, yeah, we have an affair. I know who did this? Yep, there's that woman that came in the house. That's creepy right. That was great.

Yes, I had an affair with her. Yeah, she's break. And yeah, it's fine. Yeah, I tried to. When she came to the apartment, I did try to stop you from giving her our credit card numbers. But. Why don't you talk to her on the phone? You'll that be fun for you?

Dude, that is the fucking best shit ever. He's just like, oh, hey, babe. Yeah, the woman I was philander. with, who I also knocked up, by the way, you just found out 15 seconds ago. She's on the phone. She'd like to speak with you. And right after, not long after this, we finally, this father-in-law, who must, like, finally hears about this.

And he's, they're watching Ellen, the daughter, like, get ready for some, it's either a play or she's going to help somebody propose to somebody else. And you just know, the father-in-law's like, so she told me. Look, she could have married Jack Ryan. he came to the house he was very nice and yes he could have been killed in Colombia

and the IRA does want him dead but he was a very nice man where you are a shit now I'm guessing Ann Archer is a clear and present danger she is she's the one

also Patriot games she's Jack Ryan's wife but it's yeah it's just yeah it's great where he's just like yeah she wants to talk to you could you help me end my affair

please look i i i've already i've made several death threats against her could you just do one for me please she makes before she's like yeah this is beth galliger if you ever come near my family again i too will fucking kill you pretty nice little moment so now you've got two two people who will kill you it would be great if she was like wow they have a lot in common everybody in that family wants to kill me they are made for each other let's back up both of them the dog hates me oh yeah oh man So Glenn Close goes to the country house And she This is before the bunny even is killed

But she goes and looks through the window And she sees the family playing with the rabbit And it makes her vomit Yes, the sight of true happiness Makes this character throw up Very relatable, very relatable Or is it the pregnancy? I think it's the pregnancy probably

Yeah, that's night There's not such as night sickness It's morning sickness. Come on now, guys. Come on, catch up. up all night stalking. Yeah, her clock is way off. Yeah, she's all thrown off. Morning is night back.

You think she still has this job or what? Because it seems like she's... Working for the publishing company? Yeah. It seems like she is totally skidding out. Yeah, you never see her back at the office, like, you know, working. It's just stalking. Yeah.

I don't know. They just saddled me with the Danielle Steele account. Well, if you'd even believe it, the whole, you know, her working there and the understanding of what's going on there, completely undercooked and developed in this film. If you can even believe it. No, it's very weird. He can believe it.

This is when she, uh, kidnaps the daughter for no reason. Oh, yeah. This school fucks up. Oh, yeah. First of all. Well, the weirdest part is like, um, Anne Archer goes to pick up her daughter. Anne Archer, very brunette. They have curly hair.

I'll give them that. But this woman's like, oh, Mrs. Gallagher, what are you doing back here? And she's like, what do you mean? This is my first time here. Like, oh, you know, you picked up your daughter already. It would be actually better if like, like, like, like, died here. Oh, maybe a whiff. Or a wig, possibly?

Full single white female. That would be nice. That would be a good one. Yeah. This is hilarious because when she's going through the whole school, she's like, where are Ellen? Ellen? And she comes upon Ellen's friend.

Oh, the ghost in the school? What is this shit? She's like, do you know where Ellen is? She's gone. Yes, she's gone. This little ghost girl says she's gone. Did you watch her die? Lisa, talk to me.

Did you watch her die? Were you the child? killed by the coal car. But in a building full of adults, it's up to this six-year-old girl to break the news. Yeah, she was picked up by a lady in a shitty car,

and they said they were going to Rye Playland. She was wearing a jacket that looks like it was built by Frank Miller. But what is this? We're going to go on the roller coaster. And that seems like

that was the... I thought that was going to be the fatal attraction. I thought this gives you a dive-in-the-rollster. throw it off the roller coaster. I mean, I guess it's all about, like, I'm getting so close, you can't protect anything.

And this is what Ann Archer is just going totally nuts behind the wheel. A massive car accident. Pretty bad one, actually. This car accident, somehow. She gets into a car accident because her husband's affair actually gets her daughter kidnapped.

The husband shows up, and it brings them closer together. Of course. Sure does, dude. Because he's like, I'm so sorry, babe, about you nearly dying and our... And literally whatever happened to our daughter in that last three hours, I mean, nobody really knows. Can you forgive me already?

I mean, it's been a while. I guess this kid's stupid because this kid's like kissing, like, getting out of the car back home. Well, she knows her so well. She's about to take over their apartment, Eric. She's very close to the family. Well, this is also, when he goes to the hospital, dude, this is when he has to confront these in-laws. Oh, they're fucking furious. And the great thing is neither in-law has anything.

Like, they don't yell at him. these two actors, just, you know, total nobody, small-time actors in this movie, do a great job of just staring daggers into this dude's soul. Well, because... You know, Jack Ryan knew the president. What have you done

lately? He knows how to fire a gun. You know for a fact, because it's one of those things where it's an affair, but you know it's not a nuclear one. Like, everything's going to go back so you can't really give the guy the business just yet. You know what I mean?

Can they go back? dude, she's knocked up. Yeah, well, I mean, not for long, unfortunately. Because this is what my, so Michael Douglas, like, I'm so sorry, babe, thanks for taking me back. Now I'm going to go kill some, bud. It's so great. He's like, you're fine here in the hospital, right?

You're like, semi-comatose. My father-in-law is here watching it. I got to go run an errand in some kind. Don't worry what. I mean, you, I mean, whatever happened, it's always best when I'm alone. You want to leave me alone to do whatever I like, right? It's not like we got into this by, oh, wait.

Jick, fuck. The way you get down her door is something. Dude, speaking of Arnold Schwarzenegger, I think that was a leftover in the script from when Arnie was on board. It was just hurting the knob and fell apart. He disintegrates. Yeah, I'm going to be right back.

No, so he comes in and, yes, they're beating, they're fighting each other again. Like, it's, my God, Michael Douglas just threw her over a table. Like, it is a hardcore, Dudley boys fucking cage, match with these two people. The intercontinental belt should be dangling from something. How the hell do you get two by fours in there? Jesus. We're doing bullshit. Like, she brings the knife up and the

score does a little like, eke, eke, shining shit or a psycho shit. She does for a second go back to that beloved sink and use some tap water to get back. Memories. This is our sink, remember? getting wet together. Remember I poisoned you with the water from New York City? I had half of a taco shell on my ass. You know if that's a New York City.

It's supposed to have a very good table. We do, yeah. You can totally drink it now. I don't know about 87. Yeah, I don't know about that. Now it's that right. But, like, in the fight, he grabs the knife and you think he's going to do it, do something with it.

He puts it down and he leaves it. He's kind of doing this like, yeah, you're welcome. I didn't murder you. Yeah, totally. Dude, what a fucking hero. This is strike two. You don't want to see strike three. But the best part of the fight, though,

is that she gets a fucking stellar 10-star kick to the balls to this. Of course. It's awesome. It's such a kick to the balls that, like, her foot goes up, and then he jumps, like a foot off the ground, like a cartoon. Awesome. That's that samurai self-help doing the work.

Just a good kick to the nuts. This is when the movie diverges because the end of the original movie that they did film and they did test and the whole bit was she grabs the knife that he was holding cuts her own throat with it and then he gets arrested for her murder. That's a thematic

thing that makes sense with the rest of the movie. What with all the suicide talk 55 minutes ago? But then this should be called fatal attraction the you go girl cut because the wife has to win at the end essentially? Dude, that's what happened, man. Little known fact, but the movie came out for like a week and then this letter

writing campaign to release this alternate cut happen. Yes, yes. The Ugo Girl Cut. Yeah, release. Hashtag, release the Ugo Girl Cut. I prefer the Hanuket cut with the cutthroat. That just sounds better to me. Because that's like a noir ending. That's fucked up. That's where we've been going this whole movie.

That's like psychologically fucking trippy. He should be punished for this. Yes. At the end, the cops shake his hand. Like, good job, sir. So much of this movie is, we're at your house. Now we're at her apartment. Now we're back at the house. We're back at the apartment again.

We take one more trip to the police officer and like, okay, I don't want to break your heart or anything. I'm the friend. I'm the one who was fucking the lady and got her pregnant and now she's stalking me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean delight to you. You want the sarcastic officer to be like, wait, what? It was you, you? It would be great.

I mean, it would be great if you said anything. that would be great. It would be great. It was like, oh, I knew the whole time. You're a terrible liar. The fucked up part is like he goes to the cops because now he does have a case against her because she kidnapped their kid. But you needed to not attempt murder first. You know what I mean? Like skip that step. So what? Oh, you wielded a knife interface. Yeah, I can't help you. I'm sorry. That's, yeah, that's over. Well, he's doing this thing. Like, it's the night that he brings his wife home. And he's like, babe, you're totally, your arm is broken. You have like three blackouts.

anything you want, babe. You want me to make you tea? Got it. Sure. Okay, anything for you, babe. Yeah, exactly. It's your night, babe. What do you want?

Do you want me to reheat some pizza for you, too? Go downstairs and stay at the fire instead for about five to ten minutes. I guess she speaks a little. Yeah. Well, because the best part is he goes, he's like, you know, I'm in a lot of pain. What with the car accident? And he's just like, can you make me a company? He's like, no problem.

When he goes downstairs, he's like, oh, door is unlocked. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, Quincy, you did it again. Well, this is open the door. Actually, the dog is kind of, like, this is where the dog gets the revenge, right? Because, like, you open a door to a house, like this, this dog should be barking, right? This dog should hear what's going on, who's in the house. This dog doesn't even get up off the carpet.

They're old pals. They've known each other forever. Wouldn't it be great if this dog? You could get some inner monologue of this dog, right? And it's like, now she's coming for you. This is what you deserve after feeding me spaghetti and chocolate parts. You're a real piece of shit, Dan. You know what?

She's just going to come in and kill that guy. We'll all be better off, all of us. Maybe it would just be, maybe it would just be me and Ellen. From now on, it's just be us hanging out. That's all. I mean, he's, I mean, also Michael Douglas is being a baby, eating a fruit roll-up. while his wife is about to get murdered. Boy, my wife almost died in that horrendous car accident.

Ooh, fruit by the foot. He's letting the tea kettle boil. And then, yes, while Ann Archer is about to jump in the bath, here comes reshoot the Yogo Girl Cut version of Glenn Close. She's totally crazy at this point. She's cutting herself with a knife. You know what I mean? Picking at herself a little bit.

Yeah. Tples overflowing. They've got a water damage from this new. I'm going to get me, like, oh, my God. The resale value is about to go through the fucking floor right now, all right? You are... Replace that ceiling, dude. No, you get some fucking weirdos, dude.

You get, like, a fucking Jonathan Davis type dude. He's like, oh, yeah, this is where the fatal attraction murder happened. And he's like, oh, I will buy whatever you are asking. Yes, $6 million, perfect for a murder house. No, I'm never going to live in it. I just want to look at it. And, like, you know, he hears the scuffle. you know, she's like, you know, you're so selfish, you're so stupid.

She lunges at Aunt Archer with the knife. He finally turns the tea off. He hears the scuffle. He could easily subdue her, but he wants to drown and murder her as the moon. Honey, your camomile's ready. Oh, shit. Because it's his kid and a baby, dude. It does, yeah.

It solves all of his problems. Yeah. And I don't know how a whistling tea kettle is louder than a woman screaming for her life. How big is this fucking house? Because there are blood-curdling screams happening. Just upstairs. I'm going to wait this, Adela, let's see. Which other one comes out on top of the stay with that one.

Yeah. I've been doing this. New baby, old baby, who cares? I've been in this Betty and Veronica situation for far too long. Settle it yourselves, ladies. I'll be down here with the fruit roll-ups and chamomile tea. He's got a tea kettle the size of the Uncle Buck pancake. Just blaring through the neighborhood.

Uh, yeah, he runs in, he starts drowning this lady. There is a ridiculous shot where she turns into an evil, dead, dead eye for a second. Her eyes are white, and I'm like, what movie am I watching anymore? Dude, again, and it's just like another tease of some sort of paranormal activity, a bout to break through. But then nothing. No, you get, he drowns her, and he's like, well, that was rough. And, like, kind of, Dan by Dawn, Dan by Dawn. She's resurrected by Satan for one last.

She shows up on the wife Yeah, shoots her right in the heart Thanks for taking care of my mistake, baby I just want like the Christmas after this Where he's like, you know, It's been a crazy couple of months, babe Cheers to you And she's like, yeah, cheers.

Thank you so much for making me murder a pregnant woman in my house. I think I really appreciate, you know what, you've given me the greatest gift of all. I'm now a murderer of two people. We did just back, just cough over the bullet hall it's fine. It's fine.

We'll just get the plumber back in there for the water damage. It's fine. I would love it. If the gunshots go off and you see your tie and just cue, Sisters are doing it for themselves.

Well, because this ending is a cheerer. You know what I mean? The crowd is supposed to erupted cheers. You can hear the cheers back from 1987. You can hear it echoing through time. Yeah, fucking get her! She forgave that piece of shit. Thank God.

Thank God. God. It's kind of weird just showing the end credits over a photo of the family. A family that should be ended, by the way. This should no longer be happening. Yeah.

Every time she's like, oh, you know, I'm going to go up the street to Lise's to have lunch. You're not going to have an affair that's going to result in me murdering another pregnant woman, are you? I just want to make sure. I'll keep my gun on me in case that does happen.

She's going to start getting snippy, and she's right to, honestly. course, dude. You're eating shit for the rest of your life. Yeah, I have to go out of town for business this weekend. I might have to murder anyone when I come home. You got to fucking keep your gross little maggot dick in your pants or what? Oh, you got a trip to Charlotte. Okay, well, I'll keep the gun loaded.

How do you have to pay me to do? So many Gallagher's. You can't, uh... Oh, you were flirting? Oh, yeah. You think that waitress is pretty cute. You only want to kill her and cut out the middleman? What do you want to do? I mean, it was that that'd be more interesting. start here and they're, they just get very excited when they get, like,

they're, like, sexually into the fact that they kill them. Oh, that's what chicks is the marriage, right? Yeah, we're fucking on the bomb. Put the phone on. She'll still be dead. Just, that's not off for it. Just, just a pile of bones.

Just doing it. You know what? Don't even report it, dude. Oh. Make a couch out of it, like Texas chainsaw? Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure. what happened to us to us why are we here now why are we in a Texas chainsawed

basement because sometimes man you just follow the path okay I got you sometimes you lead the conversation and sometimes the conversation leads you I don't know it's just a practical solution to the problem I understand it's not Texas chainsaw a massacre it's a pile of bones from the basement in the relic

here do you want one that nobody understands And that's fatal attraction, folks. That's it. That is it. That's a motion picture. We want to thank all you all for coming out tonight. This is our first time in your fair city. Very cool to see you here.

Thank you to the church. Thank you to the church for letting us enter the vicinity. We got through the gates, no problem there. Thank you for that. And of course, as your bills are going around and whatnot, make sure you are tipping generously, folks. These are hard times, man. We want to support the kick-ass people working here at Wise Guys.

Now, quick question for y'all. And maybe I asked this already, but this is like the fourth of these guys. Sure. Does happen. Anybody has seen us live before? A couple folks. All right.

Well, for those of you who have not, the only way to end a We Hate Movies Live show is to take a quick look into the bowels of the Internet, where you can find some of the most unhinged lunatic film writing. I'm talking about the IMDB user review section.

Sight and suck. So we got a few for you here this evening. Sight and suck. I heard it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Chris, there any more beer left? No, we're done.

We've just done it. All right, then I really got to wrap this up. All right, here we go. We have the shakes. One out of ten starts. Subject line, disgusting. Extremely overrated. October the 16th, 2020.

Got ourselves a lockdown screening. Finally washed it, you sons of bitches. Been bullying me all these years. Boiling a child's pet rabbit and shooting a pregnant woman is not entertainment for me. Sorry. Oh, sir.

Who wrote this? the fucking pope get off your fucking crowd sir sir sir you do understand it didn't actually happen oh my god i can't believe they kill her that pregnant woman that's sad it's a via the pope i can't believe she's sucking him off on the elevator this is a i love the flash dance but this is no good what can i be a more the pleasure to christ oh it's a bit of pope i'm just a pope uh I hated the movie years ago as a teen. I hated it as an adult.

Good job. Watch the comedy spoof fatal instinct instead. No. No, no. All right, so was this Leslie Beelson? You'll be proud of yourself. No, you won't. You absolutely will not.

Oh, are you asking if Leslie Beelson wrote this? Yes, he's the only person. Oh, no, yeah, that's what he's been long dead. Yeah, no, he was writing IMDPU's reviews from Beyond the Grave. I got it. P.S., the one star is for the little girl and her poor bunny. I cannot believe the bunny, the pope

oh no you make it a rabbit stew without skin of the animal they don't even roast it right they're supposed to put some rosemary underneath it

with some potatoes a carrot this movie this movie make it a pope sad uh do it dude

pope it up you got another one I gotta stop watching any of Lynn movies there's so much of sex oh fine I give a Jacob's Ladder at one chance

here's another one 10 out of 10 stars your must see Easter movie we're having a little fun here I don't get it don't get a resideracted in the movie April

of 2021 I watch this every Easter to ward off rabbit boilers and also for the chills, thrills, and laughs. Oh, wow. Yeah, you forgot the name.

That's basic instinct. You forgot the movie you were watching. It might be chilling the first watch, but after that, it's a pure fun. It becomes a part of you. Pure fun, except the sex scenes.

Now, they are truly disturbing. Michael Douglas is horribly flabby, and Glenn Close is very dried out. What? Wait, oh, hold up. Pardon me. I didn't write the fucking thing. I mean, I don't know, man.

The camera angle didn't get that deep. I don't know. What, Flab? Is Christian Bale from the machinist writing this? Perhaps that is what draws them together. Okay, reviewer, whatever. I guess, man. All right, we've got a couple more for you.

Another 10 out of 10 stars. Subject line really affected me. Yeah, right. There were only two movies that really got to me. One was Easy Rider. The other was this one. So I guess he was like, you know what? I'm going to quit my corporate gig and fucking get out on the road.

But I'm not going to cheat on my wife. All right. I'm now learning what to do and what not to do. I'm going to drop on a motorcycle through the sound. Going to hop on my motorcycle. I'm going to have some dude bash my head with a rock in the middle of the night. Well, honey, I went through my little drive. I did not get shot on my motorcycle.

Very disappointed. Spoiler alerts for Easy Rider all over the place. Several decades old. To give you an idea how bad this hit me. My wife and I had just come out of this movie. She went to use the ladies' room. What the fuck? Is this written in 1987?

September 1st, 2020. So I don't know. It's either a rep screening or like, I'm finally getting around to doing this. I don't know. Finally, film forum did their fuck movie series. Let's see When she came out

She found me on the floor in the lobby What? I don't know I had just broken up with another woman Who had said some of the same lines Word for word by Glenn Close Before this movie was even out What is that mean?

It's like I will not be ignored He was having an affair I guess is the idea I guess I don't know I have yet to see the movie again. It was a good movie. Just hit too close to home, as they say.

But it's a perfect 10 out of 10 movie, eh? Perfect 10 out of 10. Dude, if you lift it, you would know. Okay? That's fair. Yeah, yeah. I haven't had my bunny boiled. Oh, you got your bunny boiled last night, did you? Oh. I can't believe the bunny. The bunny did

nothing to nobody. I'm the Pope. You think you're wasting all the rabbit meat. You can make the rabbit. It's a good dinner. Why don't they kill the dog? The Pope would not like of the dog. All right. One more for you. Ten out of ten stars. It's very important for this one.

Everyone remembers this writer listed this as ten out of ten stars, okay? Subject line. Affairs are dangerous. This movie teaches a lesson. Yeah, of course. Never fuck again.

Just stop doing it. This was remarkable. open. Funny you should say that, sir, the first line of this review. This is the original movie about sin. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's my man. You know, I gotta write a two review. Two review from a Pope. I don't have it the IMDP, yeah? Michael Douglas did his best at playing a family man who has the gall to fool around in which he jeopardizes his family and work. Glenn Close, who was stunning at playing Alex the psycho who would take no for an answer

who would not take no for an answer they didn't write that though I had to correct on the fly here oh I made a mistake can I edit first the Pope not know how to use it a computer okay affairs ruin lives whether you're single married divorced or widowed

wait how can you have an affair while single you moron well I just mean Like, who cares if a widower's getting down? Who? What is this guy? It's literally... No, no, incorrect, Mr. Pope.

It's in the fine print till death do us part. Now I can do whatever I want. Yeah, because she's stuck in the fucking clouds. Absolutely, she's fucking bent Franklin right now. Yes, technically, the dog is off at the leash now. A fling has consequences. Pregnancies, diseases, or even... death.

Man, you're taking this for a walk, buddy. Jesus. If ever anyone decided to fool around outside the marriage, that person knows the nightmare will never end.

We're really getting a peek into this person's life, by the way. I don't know if they know it, but we clearly know what's going on. This is right by Freddie Kruger, I guess is the idea. The nightmare will never end.

And you'll never go to sleep. And you'll never cheat on your wife again. Listen, I love killing teenagers, but infidelity is, Absolutely wrong. I'm going to go to the safest place on earth, the basement at the school I work at.

The cost of that affair claimed the pet rabbit and the harassment from Alex got really extreme. That's the problem? Those are the two problems, dude. Oh, great. Now, I heard that there are two endings of this movie. I really prefer Alex taking the bullet after the failed drowning.

Okay, buddy. That's what you prefer, you fucking creep. Oh, boy. This movie could really pass off as a horror. Okay. Yep. Since the rabbit was cooking in the pot and the acid was spilled on the car.

What did you do to the car? What did you do that car? This movie could easily scare the adulterer, not encourage them. If they blame the movie, they should be blaming themselves. Now remember what I asked you to remember. Final line of this review.

Five stars. We've been Wee Hey movies from New York City, SLC. Thank you so much for coming out. It's been really great seeing you all. Have a good night. Bye-bye. Thank you so much. You know, I'm going to be able to.

That was a HeadGum podcast. I'm Tobin Heath, two-time World Cup winner. And I'm Kristen Press, two-time World Cup winner. And this is the recap show. This is the first time we'll be watching the World Cup in over a decade. We know we're not alone with how we feel about the way people talk about women's sports. We want to be part of the solution. Having been there many times before ourselves,

Tobin and I are going to bring to you what it's like to play in a World Cup, what's really happening behind the scenes, all the good, juicy bits. The recap show will bring you gal. culture at its finest. We all know what bro culture is, but what is gal culture? We're here to define it. We have incredible guests joining us. You're going to get the strongest perspective, the strongest minds the game has to offer. This is our narrative, our culture, and we get to tell it our way. Nobody can speak about the World Cup better than us. You'll hear it all on the recap show. Premiering July 20th, you're going to find the recap show everywhere. YouTube, TikTok, Twitter,

Instagram, threads, and wherever you get your podcast. Welcome to the recap. Welcome to the show. LFG.