We Hate Movies - S13 Ep691: The Birdcage W❤️M (Live in New Brunswick, NJ)

Episode Date: August 15, 2023

Recorded 6.15.23 at the State Theatre NJ in New Brunswick, NJ On this week’s Summer Break episode, the gang was in Jersey doing the first-ever official W❤️M live episode on Mike Nichol’s The Birdcage! How incredible are Williams and Lane in this? Did any of us actually sign on to look at Hank Azaria’s feet this much? And who knew Mike Nichols had such Sam Kinison-esque anger issues? PLUS: Flip flops to a funeral, Chris? Well, maybe Jimmy Buffet’s… The Birdcage stars Robin Williams, Nathan Lane, Gene Hackman, Dianne Wiest, Dan Futterman, Calista Flockheart, Hank Azaria, and Christine Baranski as Katharine Archer; directed by Mike Nichols. Want more WHM? Join our Patreon fam today and instantly unlock hours and hours of exclusive bonus content, starting as low as $3 a month! Be sure to get in early and get your tickets for the WHM Holiday Extravaganza where we’re talking The Santa Clause! Check out the WHM Merch Store featuring new Skeleton Juice, Spring Tour 2023, KONG & DILF Den designs! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/whm and get on your way to being your best self. Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to be. I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to be a little bit of I'm going to We're going to be.

I'm going to be the same the We're going to be. We're going to be. I don't know. I'm going to be. I don't know.

So this is a rare one, gang, this is a live episode recorded a little earlier this summer as a matter of fact at the state theater, New Jersey, and beautiful New Brunswick, New Jersey. Now this is a live we love movies episode. Wow,

all about the bird cage. That's right. And it's very exciting. We got some VHS trailer game live. We do. Some in-studio audience support there. You know, the audience, of course. Yes, we all have a wonderful anecdote that Steve shares about an angry Mike Nichols. Oh, yeah.

A vindicated Singing Dashboard Confessional at his fucking top of his lungs. But yeah, it was a lot of fun. We almost didn't get into the theater. There was a nasty car show outside. Oh, so nasty. Trying to obstruct.

But we got inside. The fucking theater was beautiful. You know, the lounge that we were playing into the theater. Staff was great. Great audience. Fun time talking about a great movie live. Yes. Which, you know, we do so rarely.

And this is our first. I mean, this is our first Robin, Williams movie in forever for a good reason and it's on a WLM feed and you know it was a good way to do that we've been wondering for the better part of a decade now like how are we going to ease back into it and what turned

out happening was to do WLM where we're fucking celebrating it's but now we can do bicentennial man also this has been the long road to get the bicentennial man flubber and a couple other ones it's open season on it now that we said some nice stuff exactly

we've said our novenas you know It's on the main feed We'll just be like, hey listen Every time we do a new Williams episode Be like hey listen Listen to the bird cage first And now we're going to have a little bit of fun

And now get back into it That's right So here we go State Theater New Jersey New Brunswick, New Jersey We love movies All About the Birdcage Enjoy

So, I'm going to be able to be you. Hello, everyone. All right. We've been waiting a long time to do this. Jersey, what is happening? Oh, yeah. Wow. Thank you for all coming out to this,

despite the counter-protesters across the street. Yes. With the straight pride parade That is the car show I think that's what car shows are Yeah These pro Buick people I hate them

If you want to see David Bowie's music Butchered the kingdom Come Come to the New Brunswick Car Show The same cover band Can't do Neil Diamond

And fucking Bowie Okay No No That's two separate Let's get on fucking theme Folks So says you

He's a open thinker Over there Free Thinker You want to do Dion and the Bell Mount's fucking fine, dude. Sure. Hey, happy pride, y'all. Yeah.

Do we have any Kennedys here tonight? Or any Kennedys in the room? The younger one's Teddy. Did we get Teddy from the grave? I don't know, dude. I'm not sitting next to a Kennedy if I could avoid it.

That's a black cloud over that family. No, I know, dude. You don't get the car or a plane with those people. There'd be a red mist all of you if you sat next to a Kennedy too long. Exactly. I don't understand the gag there where Robin Williams is like

bummed that it's not Ted Kennedy I think it's a drinking joke I think it's like oh there it is famous boozehound not so much sex symbol got it got it I mean RFK Jr. and JFK Jr., which I assume are the two younger Kennedys there hanging out for the time there

I mean they only hate vaccines so or at least we'll have them well one's been dead for 20 years I assume his ghost is against him there's what Joe Kennedy the third and he hated marijuana. He thought it was scary. Yes, he did. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he had a bench sign saying that, too. This is what you all came here

for, right? The fucking Kennedy family tree. Yes. We're just recalling. Now we'll map out how Arnold Schwarzenegger comes into the picture. He married one of them. Let's start the show. He comes into the picture all right. I'm coming into the picture

at the gym. I'm coming through the picture on the beach. Did you watch that Arnold documentary, that clip that we've been talking about for 10 years? all over it, and it's hilarious. It's the best. I love these chairs, by the way. I feel like I'm fucking Dick Cavett with these stuff. Yeah, it's nice.

They knew we were coming. I do feel like we should be smoking, though, like pivoting and smoking. And we're just like, so what do you think about? Vandies. Oh, man. I am so happy to be here. Thanks so much for coming out, everybody.

Let me ask you this, how many y'all are familiar with the show we run on the internet? Oh, right. Well, thank you. Well, this is pretty much that, but in 3D. Too many dimensions. We were against it at first, being alive in front of an audience.

We were like, you know what? They should be disgusted, too. Not just us. What was I going to say about this? Well, this is very special, too, because, you know, this is a pride show. We're all here feeling the love. So this is technically the first ever official we love movies episode that we've done. Yes.

though, you know, if you came here thinking like, oh man, are they really going to be ragging on the bird cage? No, we're going to be celebrating the bird cage while also making fun of parts of it. There's a few things. Have you heard about this guy, Val? Oh, my God. You mean cinema's greatest villain?

Yeah. This fucking kid. Now, before we get too far into that, I want to do something really quickly. Uh-huh. I'd like to play the VHS trailer game really quickly. That is right. America's

favorite game about obsolete materials I'm just rolling around so much fun you can keep rolling because I'm not playing you're not going to play I'm not playing

no you know because like it's so awful like playing it in the studio I think we should leave it up to some fine folks out here what do you think some of y'all want to play the VHS trailer game

put your hands in the air yeah we're gonna anyone who all right let's see what was there a stipulation here no anyone who wants to do it I mean I'm not gonna have a fucking

gun to somebody's name What the fuck? All right. Dude in the mask, most definitely. Let's see who we here. How about, yes, you ma'am right in front of him. And right here, front row. Yeah, glasses.

There we go. Clear frame glasses. Come on up here. Pick your seats. Welcome, take a seat. Well, choose your champion. Who do you want to play for? That's true.

You play for me? You're playing for me. All right, there we go. There we go. There we go. The way this works is you're going to be playing for the person sitting behind you. They'll be holding the microphone.

This is a VHS trailer. more. I'm going to just kind of give you some clues on some movies. And usually it's trailers from the movie at hand, but actually considering the event and what we're at, these will be basically big queer movies of the 90s. So keep big queer movies

of the 1990s, not the 1890s. No. There's a few of those, too. Only one or two of them. None released on VHS though. But let's see who we're talking to today, Andrew. Hi, what's your name? Kate. And what do you do for a living? I'm a software engineer.

Software engineer, like games, like fun stuff? No, library applications. Oh, so absolutely not. No, that's very cool. That's fun. No, but it's not a game. It's serious business. Well, we go from Doom to the Dewey desk.

I thought Doom sounded like Dewey, but it doesn't. No, it doesn't. They're almost there. Stretching it. Now, do you play the VHS trailer game along at home? Yes. And how do we do? About 50-50.

All right, better than me? Better than me? So I like those odds. Excellent. That's fair. What's your name? Allison. And what do you do for a living?

I'm a software engineer. All right. Wait a minute. Is there a conference? Is that where we are right now? All right now, sir, what is your name? And what do you do for a living? Is it software?

Pretty close. I'm Matt, and I do data and IT for non-profit arts organization. Okay. All right. That's awesome. Nice. Oh, actually, we don't know. A man in the middle.

Do you work for the United States government and, like, shooting people and stuff? Is that your software? Drone warfare? Oh, Internet. Okay, that's good. But this is great. We got some egg heads up here. I'm feeling reinvigorated about the VAT.

That's right. Maybe by the end of this, I won't be in last place. So the way it's going to work is I'm going to start reading a clue. There's going to be five clues. The first clues were five points, four points, three points, two points, one point. And when and if you think you know the answer, you should raise your hand like you're in school. And, I mean, these eggheads know that about, you know, huh, uh, what? What?

We tried very hard to scam everybody. for me to give all the answers to Allison here. It didn't go through. It was a different person. I knew it. But if you guess incorrectly in that one round, you're out of that one round. You can come back to the next round.

There will be four rounds. Again, big queer movies in the 1990s. Here we go. Round one. Game Masters clue. Love it. This road movie with a mouthful of a title finds

Priscilla Queen of the Desert It is not Adventures of Adventures of Priscilla King of the Desert It's not Adventures It's Matt To Wong Fu

Thanks for everything Julie Newman That is correct There was It's really It's a That's the thing At the end of

At the end of the clue It's a middle American And that would have cut you out Because basically There's only two It's a coin flip So that's one Congratulations to Matt

Five big points For Eric Sis I love this. Team Cisca. There you go. Team Cisca. It's the only way he gets points. That's right.

Round two, here it comes again. Game Master's Clue. Make sure your parents are asleep when you're watching this one. A steamy neo-noir where two women meet fall in love and turn the tables on the mom. Matt again. Bound. It is bound for five more things. Oh, shit, Chris.

Let it be known. that Eric Siska is down with OPP other people's points. That's right. That's right. And Pee-P. See me after the show. And round three from 1998. Wait, wait, wait, wait, what is this?

It's another, it's a... Game Master's Clue! See? It's important. I'm just to do too comfortable in this chair. A legendary rock stars life and career are reimagined after the filmmaker couldn't get the rights to the songs to highlight

his possible slash more than likely romantic relationships with other male rock legends. A legendary rock star's life and career are reimagined after they couldn't get the rights to his songs to highlight his possible slash more than likely romantic relationships with other

rock legends 1998. I love people in the audience are raising their hand. Sorry, but no. Apologies, we will be not calling on anybody. All right, we're going to. But over there knows it big time. It's a tough one, though.

It's a tough one. Tribune trivia. This is that for four more points. This film structure, a journalist tries to figure out a mystery concerning a cultural icon through research, through research and interviews with those who knew him, is taken directly from Citizen Kane. So it's like a Citizen Kane riff, rock star, queer movie. Okay. There we go. I just figured it out.

There we go. Tagline, the secret to becoming a star is knowing how to behave like one. That doesn't help anybody, doesn't it? The tagline never actually helps anybody. Here's star number two. Jonathan Reese Myers is in this movie. Yep.

Velvet Goldmine? It is Velvet Goldmore for two big points. There we go. My wife's favorite. movie. That's why I threw that in there. It's a good one. It is. Good music, too. It is. And now for the final round, thank you all for playing. By the way, don't rush off the stage.

We have goodies for folks. From 1997, I keep forgetting to do it. Dude, God damn. Who are you? I thought the game was over. Game Master's clue. A wacky comedy where a small town teacher has his life upside out. I saw Matt. I'm sorry. I had to do it. Inside out.

It is inside out. No, it's not. Incorrect. In and out. In it out. Yes. And I love that. Look at that.

That's five points. Five points for Chris Cabin. I love that. Everybody got something right. Everybody feels great. That's awesome. That's why everybody gets a prize. The tradition of we hate movies prize giving.

It's a real here. You throw this out. Matt, as you had many, you get both, you get a Blu-ray of no-ray home from Spider-Man. Not from. Spider-Man gave you no way home. No, this is. is we had movies memorabilia, we watch this to do our commentary track. So that'll

be worth nothing in a day or two. And everyone gets a signed VHS. Matt, you get to pick yours. These are all episodes we've done. We've got kindergarten cops Simone and Rambo 3. Yes. Yeah, you got to do it, dude. It's a real step. I knew Simone would be the last

one, but it's still a good movie. Round of applause for all of our contestants, folks. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks so much for playing. Thank you. You guys are great. Thank you so much. Well, well, well. So we're here to talk about game shows. Yes, we are.

Of different game shows. Pat Sajak retiring. It's happening, folks. There's someone in the wings, maybe. Similar name. Similar name. Oh, that's true. They'd barely have to, like, you know,

respell the merchandise and whatnot. So Pat Sajak absconded with the fortune. We'll see what happens. Add a D in there. Just put a, Sharpie D and all the all the memorabilia we got. Yeah, exactly. That works. It'll work. Don't worry about it. So we are

indeed here to talk about the birdcage from 1996 directed by Mike Nichols, if I can untangle myself. There we go. Quick question. How many of you all saw this before the show this evening? A lot of folks. Everybody's seen this. Come on, right? Everybody saw this movie, I feel.

Well, you just, you want to ask, you know, because it's just going to be spoiled for you right now. It's true. That's all. It's true. Here's a place to start, because I was blown away by this. Okay. You guys catch the photo section on IMDB for this movie? I missed it. No, no,

no, no. Well, I'm a real thorough kind of fellow, you know, so I was checking it out, and you figure, like, wow, you know, directed by the legendary Mike Nichols written by the legendary Elaine May, legendary cast, such as it is, you know, all these great opportunities for production stills

and behind the scenes, you know, glimpses and whatnot. 90% of that shit is screen grabs of the standard deaf DVD interactive menu? We need to get moderators on this website, folks.

Is it like where they, it's like screen grabs up like the biography section? Dude, it is that, but it's all, it's like a walkthrough. It's like picture one, the menu. Picture two, this is me

selecting talent bios. Picture three, the list of the talent bios. It's like real worthless shit that should not be taking up space on the internet. Back of the day, people were afraid of DVDs. You know, you'd walk them through, like, it's okay. Very scary stuff. The Terminator 2-1?

It's absolutely petrifying. All the flames and stuff, I thought that she was going to come right out. I thought the robots were inside the TV coming to get me when I put that on. Every time. It's scary as hell. I wouldn't mind an animated menu, but I'm just saying, you know, I don't need a picture of what the DVD looks like on IMDB. Maybe that's one of some of our computer programmer.

friends can figure out how to fix the IMDB. You'd become a billionaire overnight. Now, my favorite piece of trivia on IMDB, not to make this the whole IMDB thing, but I love this so much. After Mike Nichols showed the final cut to the editing team in Martha's Vineyard, they all had a celebratory meal. Mike Nichols

said, I was very emotional and angry. I couldn't speak to the lunch. The film is so good, so strong. I realized I had no inkling of my anger towards those people who had written me off. My reaction was instantaneously was

fuck you, you bastards. You thought I couldn't do this anymore? Well, look at this. I love the idea of making the bird cage is a really positive and fun. We're like, fuck you! I did it. See, it's fucking good.

I'm good, you piece of shit. What you think you are? I am. I live this and I'm Mike fucking Nichols. It is amazing. Because Mike Nichols is a very like suit and tie guy, like a very buttoned up humor. and just to think of him going

Sam Kinnison for a moment just to tell everybody fuck you I mean it's just it's beautiful Seating with rage about I don't even know

like a one thumb down review of working girl doing like motherfucker yes it is a beautiful celebration to the community oh oh oh I guess we don't we don't like Melanie Griffith now

I guess we just don't like Melanie Griffith now yeah fun I'm glad Gene Siskel is dead there I said it there I said it at this Martha's Vineyard lunch that I'm scorned screaming at.

And you just, you know, Elaine May was like right there, okay, Mike, that's, Mike, that's enough. Okay. Let's go back to the house,

do some improv, calm you down and get you to bed. Put on some jazz. You know, all your movies are out on DVD, but the Heartbreak Kid is going to be hard to find in 30 years.

Ah! Do they have interactive menus? There's our talent bios. There isn't a picture of me behind the camera, but there's a fucking interactive menu picture. Ah! Okay, Mike.

Okay. That's good. I didn't know that dude was so tightly wound. Maybe we switch to water now. Any more salvin? Yeah, I want more fucking salad because I made the bird cage. God damn it! You don't know what that is because it's not out yet.

This is just a rough cut, but it's an amazing rough cut. All right. You know what? I'm going to leave now and give the servers a tip now just to make sure nothing happens at the end of this. Thank you for attending this small friends and family screening. Fuck off! that's great not what I expected from Mike Nichols

honestly don't no real unhinged lunatic apparently but we do we start the movie and there's a good push in on South Beach and we get to know

the birdcage this club that the Coleman's or the Goldman Steve it's the goldmans if you're not anti-Semitic but if you are

and you're afraid of that you have to say Coleman for some reason I am also a huge rube anytime like the next name of the movie is the place we're going to? I'm like, that's the name with the movie.

And it's also the bird cage too. Oh, so like when they pull up to the garage and reservoir dogs, and it's like, reservoir dogs auto body, you're like, oh. That's right there. Oh, my God, they are all good fellas. Holy shit. Oh, wow. He's the citizen cane.

Oh, my, oh, my God. That's the rock that they're going to. Exactly. He said, he just, Sean Connery, welcome to me to the movie. Oh, wow, they are the Ghostbusters. You know, technically, I think that missile is the broken arrow. For some reason, the only example I can think of is the bridge, which is a grim documentary.

Yeah, it's pretty grim. That was the only thing that was coming to mind. I still got Mike Nichols yelling in my ear. You know, here's something about that shot. He's the graduate. That's right. There you go. They all have carnal knowledge.

Yeah, they all do have car. And in the end, we all had carnal knowledge. Now, that shot's cool. You know, it's one of those fake, like, it's supposed to be like a single take thing, which is fine. And you're seeing, like, you know, beautiful Florida, you know,

and all the cool lights and everything. And I absolutely love how this shot is kind of totally ruined by the disgusting, blocky, yellow font. Like it's a DVD with bad subtitles Like poor choice for this It's disgusting Well you want to know that it's a show

Right it's in big lights like that You want to know you're about to watch a big show So I think it was just a stupid decision That they shouldn't have done But no it's terrible I do love like the opening Like 15ish minutes feels like a play You know we're really really close in

And like we're following Steve It was a play Oh my God That's even better So, because it was, it's a remake, right? It is, it's, well, it was a play first, and then they made it in France. La Cajah, what I, as an idiot kid, was calling the Cage of Fools.

La Cajal Fault. Cage, cage, fools. And it was a big hit in like 78, I want to say. And this was a part, of course, of this run of after three men and a baby, French movies being remade by everyone. You got to do it. was one of the better this and true lies

two of the better ones honestly yeah because a lot of the times the sense of humor doesn't really translate like my father the hero yikes you know over there they find you know all of that real hilarious

I'm gonna I'm gonna shock you here the French version of this has a lot more race stuff that you don't want to import over there I know very surprising very surprising it's funny because the I believe I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry

was an Australian remake which is Oh, no. It's very instructive. No, no, I'm serious. Oh, really? I didn't know. I think it was a Paul Hogan movie. And it was called a little clossa to marriage.

A clausa? But I mean, if you're trying to make like a movie about gay rights or whatever about gay couples, I would much rather it be from France than fucking Australia. I'll be honest with you. Ooh. It's a tall order. Yeah, Mel Gibson. They don't even play football right down there.

They do not. They play the other kind. but yeah so like we're we're used to robin williams uh the late great robin williams el yeah armand goldman actually what the scheme like how does this work you do you think your daughter's marrying coleman and then suddenly her name is goldman or don't that's none of this may i mean it's far so it's not you can't hold it too much too sure but still i guess yeah you're

going to get married to this guy and like oh wait no i'm looking at the certificate says Goldman right here. Well, at that point, you know, all the deposits have been put down and whatnot. I see. Yeah. It's all about the money, getting the money out of the account first. Exactly. You want to get Hackman to write that check, you know. Well, I love about this opening also is that it's all about

professionalism. It's about showing how good Robin Williams is at his job and like running these people getting like, and it's amazing because this is when the complication comes in that Albert or Starina is not going to come down. And like, you would

think that they're just going to go over the top all the place, but it's no, it's all very like showmanship, showmanship, showmanship. He has the great, great reaction, though, because we're doing this like really long tracking shot once you get into the club and you're following him and he's like schmoozing and doing the whole thing, the bit where he opens

the kitchen door and the dude has just dropped the chicken on the floor. And he's putting it back on the plate. Eric, was your skin crawling? Yes. This is how it happens. This is how it happens. That's how it starts. the food preparation, there's problems going on.

Especially people you may know and think is fine. They've got weird ideas. You see this video on the internet? There's a lady, she cracks an egg and drops it on the counter. She sucks it up with her mouth. What? And spits it into the pants. Is this a porn hub tab?

I was going to say, well, what are you going to click on to get to that? This is just what my mentions are. Of course. You're just sending me this stuff. The algorithm thinks you're a real sick fuck, dude. Eric, check this out. Oh, my God. Wait, so is it like the scene from Tampopo when, like, she puts the egg yolk in her mouth and then, like, she and the dude are, like, going back and forth, like, snowballing the egg yolk.

Hey. Don't try to make this reasonable. This is insane. Tampopo, listen, Tampopo, amazing film from Japan from, like, the 80s or so. You will be hungry at the end of that movie. But they snowballing egg yolk in a sexy. So to answer your question, unfortunately, no. I really would have liked an interplay there with another character.

But it was just a lady just, like, sucking up eggs off the countertop and spinning them into the pan. To what end? To cook dinner. Oh, no. For her baby birds? For you. A spit omelet. Okay.

That's what they're doing at Denny's when you order the fucking Homestar Omelet, man. Yeah, that's the Grand Slam gag and barf, dude. That's what that is. Yeah. Yeah. She's not coming down and we're, you know, we notice very quickly as a drag club and, like, you know, and Robnullie's. has to go up there and, like, kind of fix the situation. We do with it. You got to point it out, folks.

As greatest of this movie is, the like in-between act while, you know, he doesn't want to come downstairs, all these people are getting dressed up in some Native American headdresses that it's not flying these days, I got to be honest with you. And, yeah, Rob Wilson said, and now the eighth wonder of the world, King Kong. Be great if King Kong was there. Oh, totally. Drag show and the greatest show you'll ever see because it's, an enormous ape.

Carl Denham's giant monster. So when you were watching that movie was the ape, all that's King Kong was the show. That's King Kong. That's the greatest show on earth. Also, by the way,

King Kong had a drag show. You put a wig on that guy. You know, now we're having fun. I'd watch it. Not only are you watching an ape, the world's largest ape, but that largest ape is serving. You know what I mean?

So that's kind of cool. Well, that's what's going to happen eventually because you start off and it's like, oh my god the biggest tape ever and then six months later now the biggest tape yeah exactly you got to start doing new things give him a sword give him a wig there's all kinds of things you can do we uh we also meet uh the great hank azaria's agador here oh man he's funny in this movie but here's the beef i got with his area a couple things in this movie one you forget that you

have signed on to look at hankazaria's feet like 90% of the time it's not too bad pretty good i got to say they're not bad but i got a feeling these are some shaved feet dude. I feel like this dude's really hobbiting it up. Off screen. But also the other thing... You got stolen valor shaving your feet? Yeah, I do. I do. Because I got to walk around with hobbit feet. You got to walk around with Hobbit feet. I did... I shaved my feet once. And then I was like,

am I going to do this all the time? For who? For a funeral? Yeah, it was a sort of... For a few... What are you wearing fucking flip-flops to a funeral? Depend on who it is? For a funeral. We now lay Jimmy Buffer. to rest. May he have a

forever a cheeseburger in paradise everlasting. He would have wanted it this way. You yell at me, but he would have wanted it this way. Dary a hard shoe at that funeral. Dary a hard shoe. Hey, Bubba, if I sense a single shoelace in my funeral,

you're getting haunted from above, man. I don't know if that's a Jimmy Buffett impression or not, but I figured why not? Close enough. Oh, the other thing about Azaria, right? So, like, incredibly gifted comedian, incredibly gifted voice actor, you get to see how great he is doing physical comedy in this movie. This movie, on the

whole, is a fucking masterclass in physical comedy. Why does this dude have to be so goddamn sexy on top of it all? He's just cut. There's the scene where he's out cleaning the pool and the fucking banana hammock, and I'm like, you voice most is

like, you don't need an ass like that. Yeah, by the way, what the fuck? It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel right. I mean, this, the Apu thing. And Mo Cis-Lak, that's pole face, folks. I should be voicing. S-Z-Y, S-Z-Y, S-C-C-S-Z-Y. Put me on the Simpsons.

What are we doing? This has been years, Eric, yelling about this. This is his little hobby horse. Both of you plan on sticking your head in the oven with a sign on the bag that says no funeral. I just imagine, like, you know, like, stole my bit. Get Castell and I, like, checking into the booth, like, he lost three pounds. and he's like, oh, I'm feeling pretty good about myself. And then fucking Hank Azaria shows.

I'm like, fuck that guy. He's like, watch me do Clancy Wiggum with my fucking sick abs. And he might be an immortal, too, right? Like, he's still looking so good. Oh, well, that's just, you know, you got all the money in the world, man. You can pay to pickle yourself like that. That's what I want for me. I mean, that's the thing is like, if he starts taking it off in the idol, that might actually fix the show.

If I get to start seeing Hank Azaria naked, that might do it. What is he doing on that show now? He's like... Sexy teacher? Is it a pervert? Pervert? Pervert? Pervert?

I feel a little overwhelmed. Teacher pervert? No. They exist. No, just like a father figure, I guess. Father figure. To whom? To Lily Rose Depp.

Oh. Him and Jane Adams are manager. So not doing a great job, you're saying. No, not so great. That's why I'm saying, hey, get him naked. Maybe we got something going here. Is he putting a voice on in that show? Wait a little bit.

Like what? but I don't want to do it in front of people. He's an expert. I am me. All right. No, fair enough. I was just curious because, you know, I'll never watch it. Well, that's good for you. So Armand is trying to get Starina down to do the show. And she's upset because she believes he's cheating on her because he is chilling wine and didn't tell her why, essentially. They only drink red wine. This is white wine, et cetera, et cetera.

Tannins! And this is all, by the. way, it starts even before he shows up. Val is fucking everything up. Val is being an asshole. He is so lucky he wrote Capote.

Woo boy. Woo. Boy. Because otherwise I would have like a John Malgavich like headshot on a dartboard with gunshots in it. Like just absolutely I would never forget him. To ask them to rearrange their whole lives and lie for nothing. Because you know

what, you know, after they're married, then you know, it's all going to come out. You know what I mean? Like, once, it's going to keep happening. The marriage isn't going to last, by the way. Like, I know they made like a film sequel to the La Cajafo. They didn't do a sequel to this, but if they did, him and Callista Flockhart are no more. Oh, no, not at all.

But you are totally right. He's Dan stick to screenwriting Futterman playing Max here. But he's very pretty. He's cute in this role. He looks a floppy hair. I wish I had a son to swap with Armand. My lord. he's a handsome man

he is a very handsome man I do think they should have kept at the end everybody knows they play the wedding during the credits I actually think they should have kept the wedding

in play the divorce there it is there it is then we've got something going there we aren't family sign this paper and I'll be free I got all my lawyers

with me Armand's just just standing there I told you I fucking told you, then I. I did all that shit for nothing. But here's the thing, though, is I have a lot of experience in. It is possible to open two bottles of wine at the same time.

And so what is it? This motherfucker's like, you know, hey, pop, I'm coming home. And I fucking swear to God if there's a red wine that's open. Exactly. I'm going to lose my goddamn mind. He goes through the fucking deal of getting this white wine and then the son of a bitch shows up. You got a beer? Yeah.

Hey, you want to get me a beer? I'm in college now. You got a beer. A Miller Light, if you would. But in this scene, obviously, starring up played by the great Nathan Lane. Hell yeah. The best. Fantastic. Yeah, you can give it up for Nathan Lane. Yeah.

Yeah. Dude rules. Dude rules. And this was like his kind of, like, I mean, he'd been in stuff, but like this was like his big kind of coming out thing. Like, obviously the Timoan role is great, but like he's not actually a mere cat, you see.

Wait, what? I know. I know. Like, you know, he kept getting offered these mere cat manner rolls he's like no I'm a man I'm a short man that is some great brand synergy though if you had that motherfucking narrate some mere cat manner

that'd be kind of cool I just I would love if he's going through like the interview circuit like they always do and he says like now for this has to be the dozenth time I'm not actually a mere cat I've been answering these questions for a month now

could you please not ask that again I don't live in the ground I always really loved him in the NyQuil commercials Oh, right, yes. There was a series of NyQuil commercials in the early 90s and he's going to his neighbor's doors and he's like, oh, I can't sleep. And it's fun.

It's a good performance. I believed he was sick. And I mean, of course, we're talking about NyQuil commercials and fucking Mere Cat voices, but he was a huge theater star. Oh, of course. Yeah. This was his big Hollywood IRL break, playing a real-life

person. It was not a mirror. Not a cartoon. And, you know, he's freaking out about, you know, believing that his lover is having an affair. He wants palimony papers. He wants all sorts of things.

It is odd how they play this. Where, like, when Val enters and, you know, he doesn't immediately say, hey, dad. And it's a lot of, like, a hug and a kiss. And we're stroking faces. And then it's like, hey, pop. And I was like, why would you bother doing that,

that's kind of weird. But the last guy that didn't read the synopsis before getting the movie? Wait a minute! Well, they do that. It's the weirder thing they do in the original is that there is this very long gag, quote unquote,

where you're not sure if it's the lover or not. He actually, like, for a minute, you're supposed to think this is his boyfriend. Got it. And this one, you're just like, oh, no, that's his son. Very clearly. We're not going to be doing that. No, no, no.

Well, that's what I'm saying, though. The movie does kind of do that, so the French one must be, like, incredibly drawn out. That one was extremely, this one, I was just like, of course not. French kissing, French kissing, but the son? No.

Well, it's a French movie. I mean, maybe during the French cut. That's how they kiss everywhere. Yeah, they kiss everything. That's how they kiss. That's how the French kiss. One of the things when Armand is trying to get it to go downstairs, Nathan Lane whips out like this old ass, like World War II electric shaver.

Oh, yes. Go into town on his face in his chest. And I was like, dude, those things make you bleed. Like, you really got to be. careful with that shit. It's the, the razor bugs bunny would use if he was going to shape. You know what I mean? Like, it's not a razor that like an adult that in the 90s would have used. Yeah, springs are coming out of it. And I mean, the folly is so good here. Like, I just, I remember that noise and my father

using those razors and like, I was screaming inside. What I love about the relationship between Armand and Albert Serena is that there is this, I wish we saw it. There is like what is clearly a war between Starina and Carmen. Oh yeah. Because like all fucking Armand has to be like, you know what?

Put Carmen on. And she's like, nope. No, fuck that. Fuck that shit. I don't care if you're fucking some kid. I don't care. Fuck Carmen. I'm at it.

I'm down there. There's another world where this movie's just about the goings on of the actual bird cage and it's almost just as good. Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Just the day to day. You know, if like we remade this as like a max

television series or something. Give them time. Yeah, no, I know. You know, it would be funny. If you remade this movie, now it would be woke. You know? Because it's the same fucking thing,

but now it's woke. Man, don't you just want to flush those fucking people down the toilet? The only way it wouldn't be woke. That's right. What the fuck? Is if Gene Hackman burn the house down with everybody inside,

then it wouldn't be a woke movie. Because of these people are allowed to live and exist and have feelings and thoughts, now it's woke Starina makes his grand entrance right and she's dressed like fucking Whoopi Goldberg on Star Trek the next generation

with this incredible like it's like a purple and black like mushroom hat it's awesome and you know she comes down the stairs you know starts singing some Sonheim here and I'm totally distracted because they cut to the audience and there's you catch this

an extra alert I always got to call this out when I see it you catch this guy that's sitting front and center? No. Just this grade A American fucking Kentucky Waterfall coming up. Just a mullet to beat the band, dude.

You know, maybe he came from like Northern Florida and came down. Oh, totally. Yeah. That's a panhandle special. That's what that guy's got. We usually don't let these in, but you know what?

Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's try a little bit. It's a funny gag because he keeps looking over at Robin Williams because like the second you, you know, I go on stage, you're going to go to whomever

you're going to go to see. He's like, no, no, no, no. at all. And obviously he's going to do that. It's funny. It's humorous. This is the introduction of the great, I mean, you sort of meet him when they're trying to get Starryan Integran downstairs, but this is Azaria in this like strawberry pink wig.

Yes. Singing Miami Sound Machine. It's so fucking funny. Well, earlier, he gives Albert pills because it's like, oh, it's like this whole like great, like this great performer, like, oh, she's going to get strung out of these pills. But the joke is they're just aspirin. You can't be just giving people too much aspirin either, Hank Gazzeria.

You know what I mean? No, I get it, man. But, you know, Agadour does specify like you have one before the show. Two aspirin in a night. You're all right. Yeah, I guess so. It's a party drug, you know,

and then the morning you feel better after you take it. I mean, there's also the problem. He's looked on Epto-Ismal. It's really hard stuff. Now I'm just thinking an ecto cooler and I'm thirsty as fuck for that green fruit juice.

Dude, imagine your stomach was always coated. Just always. I could get that. Let me, I don't want that. Give me like a bladder down there to protect me from other things. Like, so something that would like, so it's like a device in your body that would excrete this liquid into your belly. Well, it's going to say, the belly's down here, Eric.

They got to put your, but the lab is over here. You're going to fill you up here. Okay. And then it goes down to the belly. Have you made this contraption? trying to. What the fuck are you talking about, man? Is this, okay. I can't swivel my chair anymore.

Look at this. Is this your saw machine? Well, if you want something to constantly coat your stomach, you're going to have to refill the thing to coat it. Got it. I suppose so. So you've got to get like a hose out and beat you're something, right? You've done a lot of research on this?

I'm just trying to make your dreams come true. Okay. Oh, Chris Cabin, you've wished that your stomach be constantly coated by ecstooler. But first, there's going to be this. thing up here that goes to this thing and then down to this thing. You know what, you're right. It doesn't make any sense. Well, that would be cool.

You would look like bane, but it's just like pipto-bizmal instead of like something cool. Oh, you think you have a stomach ache. I was born with one. Oh, my tummy hurts. Oh, if I remove this, it'd be very painful and I'd fart a couple of times. Oh, my, I have a booboo in my belly. Oh, if I take this mask off, I'll be on the toilet all night. And that the person he was working for Al-Gul, that sounds like a, not Al-Gore.

Not Raz Al-Gul. Ross Al-Gul. Where's Ross Al-Gul? Raz Al-Gore. All right, forget it. Let's just stick with Roz Al-Gore. I'm going to take over Gotham one lightbox at a time. Don't worry.

World domination. That civilization has to fall because of all the environmental issues that are actually going on. And they're serious. I'm tired of it. I'm going to move the doomsday clock up to 12. I mean, speaking of the doomsday clock, we get introduced to Gene Hackman in the middle of this scene.

Hell yeah. I mean, the great Gene Hampton. The king, the absolute king. Senator Kevin Keely. Kevin Keel. Gene Hackman, like, can you imagine nowadays being like you go to you do one movie that you're like this fucking sucked and then you actually stop yeah to do the mooseport move it's just i i will never not have welcome to mooseport his last

film performance until he was on diners drives and dives that's right good cameo good choice honestly if a comeback special pretty good it was yeah it was it was it was triple d and then he appeared on someone's ticot walking through a gas station parking lot i love i mean here's the thing about Hackman now, man. It's just like when someone spots him in the wild, it's like they're seeing Bigfoot. They got to fucking film it. Like these proof of life videos, like I swear to

God, Hackman's still with us. Look, he's getting gas at show. Wait, you didn't see him? He was serving us at a destination dogs. What do you want on your hot dog? That wasn't Gene Hackman. I saw the zipper on the back of his back is fake. They faked that footage.

We're rolling out to see Royal Tenenbaum. I didn't get it. Question about... What's that grave about? Question about the hack here. Is this like... Because I know he, you know,

sort of dabbled in some funny performances. Obviously, Royal Tenenbaum's, Mooseport, I guess, was cataloged as a comedy. Heartbreakers from 2001. Lex Lutters is a comedic performance also. Sure, but is this in this movie like his sort of broadest comedic performance. It is.

I was trying to search through the old filmography there, but the dude's been in a lot of movies. It's really broad, but it's also he's playing the straight man, too. Because he's just like, what's going on here? But he does it, he does it so well, though. And so naturally. And it's so not the person that Hackman is. I mean, it's a true performance in that way.

He praises Richard Nixon at one point, and he was literally on Richard Nixon's enemies list. Dude, that's like, you should be dining out on that. If that happened, I'd be telling people left to die. Oh, we're kidding me. Guess who hates me? Yeah, I didn't care for that conversation picture. Exactly.

Who's playing a saxophone like that all the time? Why would you do that to innocent floors? Don't you love floors? I love floors. You know, I saw that night moves. I don't know about eating fondue in bed after sex like that. I love the idea. Or maybe it was just like something where like Nixon saw him at a party.

Oh, I'm setting that man a nice jack and coke. I love his pictures. And he got ice. Well, fuck him. That's what I'm my Jack and Coke, huh? Gene Hackman. Exactly. Nixon, man.

That's another dude I'm glad is dead. Oh, sure. Yes. Long death. Give it up. Give it up for his death. Yeah, for death. And let's hope for some more.

You know what I'm saying? One of my dreams came true the other day, man. Rest and piss Pat Robertson. That was like that guy. That was very nice. Boy, I was waiting. wait wait hold on that's just tasteless a man spends his life hating the whole group of people and then to celebrate when he dies yes yes that's how that shit works we get that sometimes man

I've seen like well very progressive of you celebrating someone's death and I'm like fuck that monster I don't care I don't be I don't have to be progressive it just be joyous it's awesome he's dead it's really great Don't hold me to a standard, man. I will fucking cheer when a big it kicks it. Whatever. That's good. The fuck do I have to lose?

It's the circle of life and sometimes it's the best part of it. But yeah, we find out from the Robin Williams and Valsy and it's early on. He just like, hey, dad, I'm getting married. And Armand is very upset because he's like, dude, you're only 20 years old. You're going to ruin your life. And he's absolutely right about. I mean, no offense, anyone who tied the knot early, but, Jesus fucking Christ.

It's nice to get some done. I mean, it's amazing because, like, in the original, it actually looks like a 20-year-old. It's a young, man. This guy looks like he's 37. This guy, yeah, yeah. I was going to ask in the French one if he was playing even younger, you know?

I think he's 20 still as well. They start early. He kind of looks like Andrew McCarthy's stunt double, by the way, too. But speaking of starting early, so he's 20, and then we cut to Gene Hackman. Speaking of starting early. Because he goes to Calista Flockard, who's also 30 years old in this movie, playing as somewhat 18-year-old. Because he says to her, you're getting married.

You're not even 18. And then she says, yeah, we've been sleeping together for a year. And I'm like, hold on. I got my abacus out. And I was like, wait, that goes that way. This one goes this way. Yeah, I find nothing morally wrong with that. Exactly.

And this is 20. Like, you're a college sophomore junior dating. I don't even know. like going to go to junior high dude what the fuck are you up to you like she must what is she some sort of fucking douglas houser or something in college at 16 i like that she could be she's just a very big fan of the stevie nick song the edge of 17 it's just right there you know it's a good tune it was but yeah and also we're introduced we're introduced to diane weist of course as louise keely oh man the killer amazing

man. I mean, call the fucking petting zoo. All their goats escaped. Every last I know. She's... Minus the kids, but, uh, you know, she is slinging straight fire this whole fucking movie, man. It's incredible. I mean, this, the entry point with her, like, oh, Kevin, so have fun.

Oh! Yes. Just unbelievable reaction shots of this. Yes. Uh, there's the great thing where, you know, so Colista has to make up on the spot, like, what the father does. And she says something, like, oh, he's a cultural ambassador. And Gene Hackman, like, without missing. Pete is Not the son of a bitch that did the Robert Mapplethorpe exhibit.

Was he the guy responsible for me looking at black and white photographs of asses and dicks? So he's turning into Nixon too. Yeah, sorry. Sorry. Thanks for calling it out, dude. I really appreciate the support on stage. Every time. I'm all about support. I do love, but yeah, it's great.

But you, you all, I'm going to call you out even more. You said this is when she has to start making stuff up. No, she doesn't. She can just say, I'm getting married to a guy. He's 20. His parents, oh, yeah, you're probably not going to like it. His parents are gay. And he's also Jewish.

Like the idea, she, I feel like even like, even Val is like, oh, yeah, so you made up some story because they're not gay. Wait, what? Coleman. What's that? That's a problem, too? I mean, I thought, oh, oh, okay. I'm going to spend the rest of my life as Coleman, Val Coleman.

Why don't you give me some options other than Goldman? Let's hear them now because I don't want to make them up. I don't want to be talking like this. Yeah, I mean, you can't go that close, man. Like, it's got to be Johnson or something. Sure. Just to really separate. But then it wouldn't be as farcical, of course.

What with it being a farce? What with it being a farce? That's right. That is, that's right. So, you know, Starina comes up after the show. And this was a question I had, too, about the timing. Because Robin Williams is, like, sitting outside on the Lanai or whatever. And he's like, ooh, be quiet, vows asleep.

And I was like, how long was this drag show that this kid's like, passed out. He was just drinking a glass of wine. She started riffing. You know this thing's going on for fucking ever. That's true. I mean, there was at least one costume change because she comes up here and she's dressed like Judy Garland from Easter parade.

Yeah. Would have loved a scene what that number was. It's like a three-hour situation. You're like, can we go? You're losing the audience. There's two people left. And they're Kennedys. We shouldn't have agreed to that extra hour.

Era, get my coat. I love the show. Talking too long and singing too long. I got to go drive a car off a bridge. And then somehow blame the woman. I thought that Marilyn Monroe number was tasteless. How dare they? The lady playing me couldn't carry a tune in a bucket.

But this is what, and it's really like fucked up because Nathan Nathan Lane is so excited to see Val. He's like, oh, cool. My son is here. And then, like, this entire movie, Val treats him like shit. Just absolute shit. And all he comes back with is like, I love you, boy.

Yeah. I love you. I still love it. You treat me like fucking dog shit throughout this movie. I still love you. The next movement is him, like, Nathan Lane, like, parading around town getting these cakes. He's so fucking excited. And meanwhile, he's like, that son of the bitch has to leave.

I'm so sorry. I'm so tired of seeing him. I hate Albert. You're going to criticize that impression, too, there, Kevin? It is pretty bad. It's not good. I got to tell you, that does not sound like damn. It sounds enough like him.

I love this breakfast scene. Like, my favorite detail in this breakfast scene is, and this made me feel really at home, Robin Williams is sitting reading the newspaper on an exercise bike, but not using it. Yeah. And when I tell you that the exercise bike in my house has been spending more time in our

second bathtub with a curtain closed over it than it has with my ass cheeks on it you better believe it it's quite the image when you go in there you're like okay how you're taking the shower well we have we have two showers oh well there you know that's easier and i'm sorry well i mean that is good to have the exercise like in the kitchen like that because every once in a while you can just start pet and be like yeah i did the exercise for the day right yeah that's it i burned it off right there i did it don't worry about it uh i also love we're cutting to jean hackman watching this mcglofflin group kind of parody thing, and these two dudes screaming at each other, it's a smarter

show on television. But you also find out which is kind of an interesting, like, kind of lead into his character that he's like, oh, I'm so glad I got on the moral outrage bandwagon as a... Coalition for Moral Order. We call it the Freedom Caucus these days.

But he calls it a bandwagon very specifically because he knows that it's bullshit. You know what I mean? Like, even... Like, they care about this stuff, but they don't care about this stuff. No, they're just craving Fox that like money and power. Coalition of the Moral Order sounds like some scary...

Star Wars thing? No, like Grand Dragon level of the... Oh, yeah. No, that's true. DeSantis level shit. That's where the red robes come out, not the old white ones. Yeah. But he is like co-founded it with this other Senator, Senator Jackson. Eli Jackson. Eli Jackson, who we are

told at one point was just a common redneck. Daya Weist says that it's amazing. She's just, he's a common redneck that we were depending on for money about 10 minutes just like most of congress yes but this is of course the only time we see eli jackson on the tv on a tv i don't think we ever get to see him again because no you know because he drops dead uh while the program is doing but the dude playing it he kind of looks like uh like an overweight gnomsky a little bit does a little bit speaking of which yeah he just got an epstein tie this guy oh chomsky yeah that was a bummer

and then Eli Jackson here discovered his body with an underage prostitute. Yeah. Oh, okay. I'm just, you know, that guy had his tentacles wide and long, especially in the 90s.

I feel like this is about to turn into McLaughlin group. Oh, cool. We're going to hang out of Eli Jackson's house, baby. Oh, man, the coalition for moral, what? No, yeah, I left my saxophone there. Can you ship it to me? But yes, so Gene Hackman gets a call.

It looks like he's working on some sort of manuscript here because there's like a big, you know, bound thing that he's reading and giving corrections. Manifesto, I think is the word. New Bible. Oh, those people call it manifestos. That's right, yeah. But there's the great line where he's like making a notation to like the editor or something

and it's like, the word is porno, not pronto, which is great. So you can only imagine what he's fucking rambling about in that book. But his, the guy leading the charge, you know, got caught in this really like shitty situation or like immoral situation. I don't know, dude, and the rest of the movie, Gene Hackman is running from reporters to be like,

well, that guy who's clearly a pervert. I am not. End of story. Well, dude, I mean, take a sec, man. Look how hard it is for these motherfuckers to unhinge from the other motherfucker. That's true. You can't, you know,

it's all for the vote, man. Go for the votes. No, but this is great because when Hackman gets the phone call, this is when you realize you're in for an R-rated movie because he goes, I don't fucking believe this.

And I was like, Excellent. We're going to have some adult language in this movie. I like that. And yes, Eli Jackson has been found dead while a sex worker was having a great time with him. And uh-oh, wouldn't you believe it? It's made even worse because she was black and a minor. We are throwing it all in. And Hackman getting really, really pissed off about all of it. And this is sort of like their whole, you know, angle of the movie is, you know, Diane Weiss says, well, this is great because we can use our daughter. daughter's marriage as a way for you to rebound of this. Again, really fucking cowardly garbage shit, but that's who these people are. Diane Weiss, the killer is just going, like, she is so subtle in all these,

like the way she keeps on saying, a nice white wedding and all these little things. Dude, yeah, I think she's talking about the guest list there, man. Don't worry about it. That's what's great about the performance is it doesn't go big. It's all about these little intonations like towards all the fucking rank, terrible shit

they actually believe. But because of this, you're actually allowed to laugh at it. Like, families can laugh at this and be like, oh, those pieces of shit. Just like that, too. Just as measured and come. Don't lose it. Just be like, and we're going to drive

to South Beach today. From Ohio, my God. We have to do this tomorrow. No, we don't. No, we don't. The faster you get out of Ohio, the better. Can we teleport there? That's the only way it's working.

I'm sorry. I love the bit of Hackman climbing up and down this ladder to get out of the house because all the media is out there and he's trying to go down the second time and the press pools there he sort of just addresses them

and the funniest and I feel like this is very like Nichols in May no one addresses how weird it is that he's talking to the press while standing on a ladder and then when he's done just climbs back up and goes inside like Clarissa's best friend Sam

twang I'm so glad that played Woo Speaking of 50-50 Hey yeah Clarissa is your dad home Oh God I mean

Yeah I mean The idea of a 68 year old Gene Hackman Going to 15 year old Melissa Joan Hart's bedroom Via ladder Not such a great image Really a really cute cat

You got there I really like him My friend Jeffrey said this was okay No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's also the great bit, and this is like, you know, to really tell you how insane radical right this dude likes to be, where they're like, oh, well, maybe we could get the Pope's blessing,

and he's like, oh, this Pope's too controversial. Maybe Billy Graham, no, too liberal. And I was like, what the fuck? Holy shit. So you're just like into Mussolini then, huh? Like that, I mean, that's just what that is, right? Yeah, exactly. And so they're going to start driving down.

And this is when Dan Futterman's like, all right, dad, new complication. Everyone's coming here and your house is far too gay. By the way, I don't live here. And thanks for paying for my college. Yeah. You know that dude does not have a student loan to speak. Not a single nickel. Oh, my God.

And just like, yeah, throw all your shit out. All your shit, including the man who raised me, by the way. Yeah, so, like, you know, your apartment with all your statues, with the big juicy cocks, those have to go, you know, a lot of your paintings have to go. And also, yeah, the dude who loves me, we got to send him like an unwanted dog. We got to send this dude away. We can keep all the penis statues, but he has to go away for good. I'm sorry.

And you're just supposed to, like, be in this dude's corner kind of? Like, what the fuck? Oh, he's just, he's just a kid. He's just in love. Exactly. He's almost 30. He's just a child. Take it easy.

He's just a lightly a bigot. So just be nice, okay? But it's, I mean, Williams in this movie, you know, he wound up playing Armand. He was supposed to play Albert and then Steve Martin was going to play Armand. Bullet dodged. Yeah. Oh, I don't think that would have worked.

I mean, no, no shade against Steve Martin, but like, no. But also, L.O.L. He couldn't do it because he was making fucking Sergeant Bilko. That sucks. Okay. You get to work for Phil Hartman. There's two glasses of milk. This one's ice cold.

This one's hot and looks kind of gray. I'll drink this one. Sergeant Bilko milk. Sergeant Milkko, dude. Exactly. No, but so then he was like, all right, well, if Martin's out, I'd rather play Armand because he was just coming off a doubtfire where he was again, you know, and dragged the whole movie.

So this works up. But you get to see some real like Robin Williams acting here. And he's got three lines in this scene alone that just knock my socks off. He goes, I don't care who, because the kid's like, he's a senator, dad, and he's a fucking racist and an anti-Semite. That's close. That's about right.

That's good. And I want to spend. I've been chasing Chris Cabin's seal of approval for over 20 years. So, you know. Close is because you got to work for it. But he goes, he goes, I don't care who he is. I don't want to be someone else, excellent. And then he says, what am I supposed to do to like, hey, could you, could you, could you, he says shit.

Like, could you walk differently? Eat my fucking ass shit head. And then he goes, the best one, fuck the senator. I don't give a damn what he thinks. Best line of the movie, non-comedic line, yes. End credits directed by Mike Nichols. That's the end of the movie. He's just like, yeah, no, there's no farce.

Fuck that guy. Yeah, what do you think of my shorts? family of your fucking friends and family. Oh! Oh! It would have been just as good. I win again! I win again!

But yeah, cover up you're gay. Cover up that you're Jewish. You better tuck that star of David Neckless into your tank top. That's like a double demon, right? Gene Hagman will just sit on fire if he sees it. That's how that usually goes with them. Also, we should mention, too, that a crooked, like, National Inquirer reporter

finds out where he's going because he bribes the chauffeur there. Grant Hezlov and the good counselor from heavyweights. Got it. Right. Yes. Character actor Tom McGowan. He played a Kenny, the station manager on Frazier for a while. Also, I mean, just a phenomenal

character actor here. I am a little surprised that the relationship between Armand and his son goes past this little piece of shit, taking his fingers across his father's fucking face, and taking the foundation and smear. Wouldn't you just kill him right then?

I mean, like, already the mother has abandoned. You can get rid of him real quick. Their ocean is right there. At least slap him. I don't know. He's 20. He could take it. Killing is better.

You touch my face, I'll touch yours. There's a crazy Uber 90s thing that happens right here where Robin Williams goes. I just had that wall sponge painted. You guys remember sponge painted walls? What is sponge painting? What is sponge painting? exactly what it sounds like. It's when your mom takes a sponge,

puts it in a paint tray, and dabbs the wall with it. You bet your ass I lived in a house that had that all over the place. Oh, baby. It was trendy as fuck. Only the walls that are sponge worthy got the treatment.

True, that's true. A lot of accent walls. You're not necessarily doing a whole room. It's like motherfuckers, like, five, ten years ago. Everybody on HG TV was talking about shipwap. Oh, yeah. It was the shipwap of the 90s.

Yeah, my sponge painted wall. We got to talk about another staple of the 90s. That is Keeley and the misses are watching Jay Leno. Jay Leno is who would not turn down a chance to do

one of these little bits. He does this in so many movies. I have to imagine, like at the top of a year, like he decides which ones he's going to do, right? All the big blockbusters. And he just takes a day in the studio just doing it like right of it. Hey, so did you hear about all these military guys taking over the prison over in San Francisco? Did you hear about this? You hear about this?

What's this one for Costa Garvus's Z. City Hall? What was that movie with, didn't he direct a movie that he, Mad City? Oh, Mad City. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Folks, you wouldn't remember Mad City. It was in the 90s, but it wasn't a staple. You hear about this? You hear about this in New York City. Godzilla was running all over the place.

Had a bunch of babies of Madanthinth Square Garden. Ninja Tato! Like, this guy had no dignity when it came to any of this shit. Get this, folks. Get this. It's a stoner guy who moves to his family's house for Thanksgiving. And he's got to be the son-in-law. I don't know why that would make Jay Leno's news report, but...

Oh, my God. This just didn't. Mufasa is dead. Simba is king. Do you hear about this? Did you hear about this? Ethan Hunt, he's selling the knock list. What are we going to do?

What are we going to get it back? Selling the knock list indeed. All of our accurate it is because there's no punchlines. The band is not a punchline artist. He's a set-up artist. Do you hear about this? It was an amusement park and it was all dinosaurs. Went right down the toilet.

I call it Congress. Hey-oh. See? And so that's a little more of a letterman there. It had a punchline at the end of it. That's a good one. That's like Letterman would not. can't just imagine him doing that at all. He had too much dignity to be like, no, he was in fucking

cabin boy, though. Yeah, he should. He will do your cabin boy. Well, cabin boy was written by one of his writers. Yeah. And obviously it starred one of his performers. That's right. Chris Elliott. Underrated gems. That's right. Wow. Chris that one guy. But respect on his name. But so like he kind of begrudgingly agrees that he's going to have to get Albert out of the house so that he takes Albert to lunch basically to tell him he's got to go. Yeah. And it, it does. does not really happen. I mean, it goes terribly, and he just immediately's like, well, how about not? How about we don't do that? Why don't we immediately just go back on that idea?

Well, because his fucking relationship is hanging on by a fucking thread. This little piece of shit, it's like, you gotta get him out of here. He's like, well, what about Uncle Albert? How about that? Straight old Uncle Albert. No! No! Gone!

Get him out of here. Get him out of here. He scares me. It's Florida. Do we have basements here? Lock him in that, if so. basements in Florida Anybody?

They barely exist No, no, all right Yeah, all right Do you hear about this? There's a basement in Florida's full of alligators! I guess that's why they don't have them. The alligators go and live in them. A dog is trapped in one and her father is up tired.

Coming up on Jay, Assyr Arafat and Kate Hudson. Kate Moss. Kate Moss. Yeah. This is the great I pierced the toast bit which we just watched on that. Oh my God.

That, oh my God. I pierced the toast is one of the funniest fucking line deliveries in film comedy ever. It's so great. But I got to say something here. Big F plus to the prop department with this fucking lunch that they're having. So they sit down at this cafe

Robin Williams does definitely say to the guy the usual and what comes out is, you remember the photos of the Firefest lunch that they gave people? That's what these fuckers are eating here. It's like, it's like

wet, soggy white toast A brown piece of lettuce A tomato that's seen better days And a slice of maybe Swiss cheese It looks disgusting A tomato that was stolen From a Wendy's chicken sandwich And brought to this restaurant

Like this is the worst looking tomato I have ever seen It's horrid It's the Depression restaurant Everything's 38 cents You got a couple of jet fuel coffee too Absolutely. Come on in here and pretend it's 1934. Exactly.

I like this giant they cast as the villain guy who's just like, are you calling me an asshole? That's a great line. Are you laughing at my automobile? This was what, after the John Wayne walk. Yes. I love the John Wayne walk because it is not as off base as you might think it is. If you've ever seen John Wayne,

like it's every first step was like he might fall right the fuck over. And it was probably like because of boozing on set or something, but that is a weird waddle that dude had. And just Robin Williams' reaction of like, no, that was perfect. I just never realized he walked like that. So good. I also love when he clinks the glass on the phone to congratulate and it breaks. Oh, fuck, fuck.

So fucking funny. Not you, dear, not you. He's, I don't know if he had, I don't think he has it on at the lunch, but on the walk to the cafe, he's wearing this backwards, like white baseball cap. Like he's going to play pickup basketball with Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson. It is so weird looking and kind of feels like not for the character. So it's only really like that one scene. I do wish that we got after this scene, after Rob Williams gets his ass kicked,

you get back to the, like you get an 80s montage like, take it to the limit. And it's just them watching like the searchers in Big Jake. All these old John Wayne just like pointing, doing like math equations. to be like, this is how the gate should go. You know, I thought a different movie was being put on when you decided to play rooster cockburn. Nathan Lane comes down, dresses

Genghis Khan. Like, no, not that. Not that. Get the makeup out of here. No, no, no, no, no. Stop that. The Conqueror. There should be at the end of Oppenheimer. They should do a memory of the cast and crew of the conqueror who died from radiation. Program those together.

That's something for somebody. be a great thing for a retro house 40 years from now. That would be weird that like they're playing it and it's like kind of like a maybe it's like pictures of the actor so it's like a little victory lap kind of thing. You're playing a fun. Like maybe the song from Animal House at the end plays at the end of Oppenheimer. Like really go fucking bonkers with it. I would love that.

I appreciate it. Because you know you're going to need to laugh at the end of that movie. Oh yeah. But around here, so like basically the ideas will, if Albert's going to stay, that's going to, you know, make everything much more difficult. I guess we can ask your biological mother who's just up. the road and never said anything to you. But then again, if you saw this kid, you were like, fuck him.

I really want to know more about this relationship. It's just interesting to me because, you know, she has the kid and then that's it. This is the one place where I think that I like this movie way more than I like the original, but this is one place where they fumble the ball. The original is a lot more about how the kid is still pissed off about the fact that he was abandoned by his mother and like had this situation with his parents. Well, you're going to need a real actor to carry out those scenes. I mean, this was a baby, so a little bit.

But, like, Val doesn't have that. No, but this is 1996, and there was that law. If there was a movie by a gay couple, Christine Baranski had to appear. So that was just sort of like, it's true. It's great. It's on the books for a reason.

And, you know, she just, she doesn't fit in the movie, but she's going to goddamn be in the movie, God damn it. I got to have a note to the costume department right here for this scene, too. when they cook up the idea of, like, maybe we can get Ma on board here. Because, like, yeah, you've never met her, but she loves a good farce. He's sort of, like, he's sort of sitting like this on the couch. And this dude's got these shorts on. The crotch is blown right out of these.

You can't be in a movie and have Swiss cheese crotch. I just couldn't believe what I was looking at. Disagree. One more hole. He's hanging brain. I'll say what I like about just general appearances in the Christine Branski scene. is this she does it and i've never been more jealous of a woman in my entire life she just starts putting her hands in the chest hair of robin william oh yeah she's she's searching around

for seeds or something in there man i want to put my nose in it's that a press it in is that some crumbs a quarter it's like it's going through a quick couch cushion a boat ore wow here's some cocaine from the 70s got it got it got it oh this is all the cocaine from the 70s. Wow. But coupon for dish detergent. But the funny thing is like, because that's the thing about the Christine Brancy character

who, like, there's a world in which it's like, oh, you know, like I was a hip lady in the 70s and my friends wanted a baby and I was cool with it and I just, you know, I gave them that opportunity and no problem. But this makes her to be this like weird sex crazed maniac because she's like, well, yes,

I showed up in your dressing room. crazy and drunk and we made it happen and it's like meanwhile what the fuck with this chest hair yeah she is feeling him up and you know good for her and Albert again is right he's like I don't want you in there with that hussy that's my hair that's my chest hair god damn it I mean you know touching his nipples at this point keep your hands out of there I got my lunch down there don't go rifling through my things she's got a great line where he goes uh sorry you're married and She responds with, I'm between husbands, which is fucking fantastic. In a way, only Christine Baransky could deliver a line like that.

Absolutely. This is hot streak time. This is Bofinger, like within a year of plant. My God. That's right. The queen. I forgot she's in Bofinger. Ooh.

Is she in Bullworth? Is she the wife in Bullworth? She might be. I haven't seen Bullworth in a long time. Do you think she's ever paid for a drink at a gay club in her entire life? Absolutely. Not once. No.

Not a fucking penny. No. Big tipper. probably a huge tip of really nice. But not a pen. I don't even think she's getting charged at a pizzeria, uno. I think she's doing fine. I gotta say when they're dancing.

Why would she go? The idea of Christine Baranski at a pizza. It's at the start of a mad licks. She's Christina Branski at a pizzeria uno. She likes in Chicago style. What can you say?

Okay. No, so, you know, just noticing, like, they do, like, cute little dance number here. And I'm looking at the shoes, and, like, there's heels a little bit, but not a lot, not enough to make her tower over Robin Williams like this. It is a real giant woman situation. Look how fucking tall she is. Oh, my God. It's a giant Christine Baranski. oh dude yeah there's a cheap sci-fi movie you can make so i have to be a bit of a nerd once again here

okay that they are singing a sonnheim song called love is in the air yeah which was supposed to be at the beginning of a funny thing happened on the way to the forum indeed and then was pulled at the last minute and they put i forget what the other song is that they put in however a funny thing happened on the way the forum starts that is perfect like for talking about like a relationship that was major but then had to leave. The fact that they sing that song, it just adds this level that I think most movies like this

don't think about. Right. Nuance. Yes. Can you imagine? Can you imagine such a thing in American comedies these days? The Coalition of Moral Order

outlawed it by like 2000, I think. There's all the hateful shit and then also we can't make big comedies anymore. Strack it from the wreck. Can't have any thoughtful scenes either. Anyway. But you know, Albert comes in

catches her with her like I mean her hand is between fucking five and twelve down there man it's it's getting close dude it's you know thank goodness albert came in when he did because I don't know man I think she might have been trying to go for round three when all says it's like oh my god this chest here how about that it continues down I'm gonna save some of these she is fascinated by it also because when they were together yeah he had shaved his chest I see which I mean you know War crime. Yeah, totally. But also.

Every 20 minutes. I was going to say, I mean, could you imagine like him actually trying to do that? Yes. I hope you got a fucking Costco pack of razors on you. It's just him laying back like this

and somebody with a weed whacker just getting closer and closer. Easy. Easy. Don't move forward. Whatever you do. But she does agree to do it. Yes.

And this makes Albert feel kind of on the outs at this point. And this is basically, is this the funeral scene, which is the best part with the, I bring my... Yeah, because, like, you know, he takes the car and drives off and leaves Robin Williams to take the bus home. That's funny. Val is doing the subtract don't add a bit about getting all the statues out of talking. The Playboy line is fucking great. Who put the Playboy's in the bathroom?

The dude turns around and goes, that's what they read. Might be. That and the enormous crucifix is really great. which it is funny that the thing that was supposed to be there because the dude comes back with like a huge stuffed moose head and then I started thinking about

welcome to Mooseport and I'd deposit so I can get that shitty fucking movie out of my head I gotta scrub that shit out it's a great little detail because Hank is there trades the moose head for the crucifix

is like oh no this works better and he's like and they also threw it in these books and later on you see Diad Wees go up to them and it's like oh the complete Nancy Drew which is just a hilarious like remainder book joke that's just for me but I'm good for it

I'm good for it now I'm just imagining Mike Nichols as it's all being finished and they're striking this set and like he just like crew look at me you see this man up on the cross that's me that was me and now I've made the bird cage

fuck you I win good for him you know go for it man three days later he came back and that other set of footprints was like Nichols carrying you

dude so he says to Nathan Val that is says to Nathan Lane's face it will be better without an uncle and again fuck off major character

when he's dressed now as like a straight presenting in the suit. And I just love the pink socks. It's like, well, one does want a hint of color. Right. That's why I wore my pink socks. You can't tell.

But one does want a hint of color. I love that. That scene is so just perfectly gentle in the way that he's talking about. But it happens after my favorite scene, which is the bus stop scene. Yeah. Where it's Robin Williams and Nathan just talking about what, this is our life. Like this is, I've agreed to it. This is, I have confirmed now, I am not thinking about any other kind of life.

This is the life I want and I'm going to have now. But I want in that scene. It's like, listen, we raised a kid. We fucked up, honestly. It was a mistake. You know what? He turned out real fucking shitty. I don't know how to be a problem.

He's the most selfish person I've ever met in my life. He's a piece of shit. We need to do this one thing for him. It's one night. And then we'll never see him ever again. That's right. You know what? This is it.

This is our goodbye song to Val. All right of a check and that's the fucking end of it. But it's really great because he's, Nathan Lane's like I'm going to Los Copa. And he says, well, the only thing there is a shitty cemetery. and when they get to the bus stop with like the HMS Titanic pulling behind

this huge fucking boat your caterer ship going behind Yeah totally but it's it's so fucking sweet and he's talking about like you know you make me laugh yada yada and he goes

I'm gonna switch my beautiful cemetery plot that I have over to the shitty cemetery so I don't miss any of the laughs and I'm like choking up fucking telling you about a movie you already heard the line for but it's really great

And it's just, it's a moment where there's like, it's almost devoid of all comedy. And just the whole movie, just like, the whole movie is literally sitting at this bus stop. Just kind of having this, this sweet scene. And also this is where he, he shares that he's like, oh, I'm not lying. Like, here's the Pallimony Papers. We're going to sign them. Now everything's 50-50. It's fucking gorgeous.

It's a great scene. And the big fucking tugboat behind it is incredibly distracting. I mean, it's fucking bullseye-a-primo scene. It's woke is what it is. Two people care. about one another? Sounds woke to me? That's woke.

Beer, that's woke. What else is woke? Oh, the NFL now or something. Of course. Everything is woke. Oh, the Uber Woke NFL. What fucking planet are you on? Well, they let someone kneel once, so they're woke.

Oh, right. I just like, now they're trying to trick me to drink in Bud Light, and I'm like, I can't do it. Don't do it. I can't do it. I mean, the interesting about this part, because we had just, we had gone through a couple years where we were learning

that Robin Williams can do like sentimental really well. Like he was a humor machine before then and now you knew he could do the sentimental family stuff. And this is to me, the connective tissue to where he ends up doing stuff like Goodwill hunting. Enzomnia,

which are much more measured performances. Hunting was like just the year after this, right? Yeah, yeah. It was not long after this. And then it's in this performance. There's all this sadness in the performance for Robin Williams, but he doesn't overplay it for a minute because he can see he can go right back into humor. I always am shocked by how good this performance is. There's very little what we'd call Robin Williamsing in this movie. Yeah. None of that. That's like virtually absent aside from when, you know, they're rehearsing, which you saw in the trailer and he's doing Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, Twilight, all that stuff. And you, there's twice, there's two times where he goes to make an announcement in the bird cage. like main room and it's like a shot of him coming to the microphone and you just expect from like good morning Vietnam to be like hello bird cage and it's just like all right and now come

and you're like whoa this is really different you're like he's not talking about like groucho marks at all he hasn't fained having a cigar in his hand once the whole movie weird sweat isn't dripping into the microphone and fritzing it out but yeah there's a great scene where albert is turned away finally like he comes out his uncle Albert it's not good enough for fucking little Val

so he storms off closes the door and oh the Keeleys are here so the farce has begun at this point but really quickly if being incredibly shitty to his loving parents

was not enough he goes up to Agadore and he's like hey motherfucker just talking your real voice you fucking piece of shit I'm the boss here you know that

me and my fucking wacky heart What is he's got the troll t-shirt on? What a piece of shit this kid is. You need a uniform, mister. Hey, my dad's paying your check and I'm an asshole to my dad, so I get to say whatever I want. And this is one of the parts, though, where, like, Val sort of looks down at the floor and it's like, close up on Hank's feet. Oh, yeah.

Look at the fucking feet. Oh, yeah. Not bad. Again, I'm really impressed. Nice feet. I do love that when I wear your shoes, it's like one of the bigger jokes of this movie like that. kind of caught on. Yeah.

But it's just a fucking ridiculous idea, isn't it? It was just wearing huge clown shoes that would make you fall down. The idea of wearing shoes at all. Right.

Makes you fall down. It's humorous. It's a comedy. It's a funny movie. I'm also anti-shoo. It's what do you know? Oh yeah. This guy,

not unless he absolutely has to. I hate fucking shoes. Get him the fuck out of here. In real life, it's like Frodo Baggins over here. It's just a forest down there. I love the sequence of like the Keeley's

pulling into South Beach And it's like, you know, ma and daughter in the backseat and Hackman's riding shotgun. And it's like a bunch of like babes and like dudes and banana hammocks are walking by. And like the ladies are looking at the banana hammocks. And Gene Hackman's like, yeah, look at the ladies. And you're like, yeah, of course these people are full of fucking shit. Yes.

Of course you're going to look at this and be turned on, man. It's at a beautiful part of the country. Look at it. It was all. People wise, not politics wise and everything. And this is this movie has the most Jeb Bush mentions maybe ever. Dude, what was that about? With a whopping

three. It's like, wow. That is the cultural impact of Jeb Bush. I'm glad someone please clapped already. Please clap. I mean, that is like the most damning, that he is best, Gene Hackman's character, his best

friends with Jeb Bush is as damning as it gets. Because he's not even like the serious, like cutthroat Republicans. He's just some guy who talks on TV all the time. But I think it's that clout chasing thing though where it's like um friends with someone in a political dynasty you know because when uh mrs keely here is like oh yeah they live close to whatever island where jeb bush lives that is a ruined pair of underpants on that lady she's like where did you say they live

by who bush island oh bush island man look out mary a razor there oh you know i had a series I had a series of tapes called Bush... No, you don't forget about it. Poppy, I thought this island would be different. Well, Jr., leave your rays around the dock. We're on Bush Island. Yeah, Steve, you had those on tapes, you ripped the label off and wrote

WrestleMania 93 on them. Salman King's Bush Island. Well, Jr., I don't think we should put a temple on the island. I think that's a bad idea. I think that would give people a wrong idea. Hey, poppy, what's a banana hammock? It's a hammock that you put your bananas in, sony.

It keeps them ripe. Oh, it keeps them ripe indeed, dude. But Christine Moransky is stuck in traffic of all things. So, like, basically, we're starting the farce with just Agadour Armand, who's, his whole name is different. It's like... Agadour Spartacus? Agadour Sparticus, and then...

I don't know why Agadour needs a fake name in all of this. You know, I feel like there was some maybe, like, delineancy. He was like... It sounds too gay. Oh, that could be. Now bring me my candy. Now, is that a... Is that a...

I'm stomping going up the stairs or is that like I'm having a pitch and a fit? A fit, yeah. Yeah, nice little temper tantrum. Yeah, like those little kids get 20-year-olds. They can't drink yet, Eric. So they do throw tantrum. Wow, that's actually true.

Fuck. Yes. And, you know, we're exploring the weirdness of the house. I love the dedication to the cross. I think Rob Williams calls it a monastery. Like it feels like a monastery. Which you really wanted to be?

There's the great sort of mix up here where he says like, oh, like we bought in early. It was mostly Jewish back then. And Hackman's like, I thought you said it was mostly sand back then. Ed Williams is like, well, you know the old saying, where's there sand? He says there were Jews around here

and all of a sudden the kill bill alarm sounds starts going off. Gene Hackman coded in red emergency lights. You said, watch. I mean, it's, I mean, we don't get, the funny thing about Gene Hackman in this movie is that, and I've seen this like dozens of time at this point. They do really make a point of being like, every time he has something to say, he like loads a program. You can see him loading a program from the back of his head of like how he's supposed to talk to Roobes. Right.

And he's just like, oh, the lead. Oh, the leaves. Going through Kentucky and through Georgia. The foilage, yeah. And the foilage. And if it's Tangian Brown, you're insider town. It's just, you know, Ned Flander's boring ass shit. It's amazing because like you could just, it's, it feels honest that as a political maneuver, it feels right.

It's also just that brutal like meeting of parents that if anyone's participated in that, good God, is it awkward? The Root Talk. Oh, the root talk. How'd you get here? Yeah. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. You'd you take 17? Oh, no, you took 94. Oh, interesting.

Wait, wait, this is all they're talking about, and I decided to give them a whole new life and a story. I got here via Google Maps. I don't know what the root was. Oh, was many clouds in the sky when you were driving down? Oh, no. Funny. Tree's swinging the brain?

Meanwhile, the National Enquirer guy has, gone, has followed them all the way down and someone from like a local TV station is like, hey, isn't that that National Enquirer guy, whatever's name, was Harry something, or like Harry? Harry Radman. Harry Radman. And they're like, oh yeah, he gained a lot of weight since the

O.J. Simpson case. And it's like an overweight actor, whatever. He's not in the scene. I guarantee you he didn't know that was in the movie until like dude, he was watching it. This motherfucker's at the premiere in a rented tuxedo. Proud is a pig and shit

To be in this major motion picture And he just gets torpedoed with a secret fat joke It's like, you know what, it's great I'm finally in a movie There's no fat jokes at my expense No, no honey, seriously I know every other movie there's like something I was every scene

I was treated like an equal Wait, what? Dear God, look how fat he got since the OJ trial Look, like yes, I had to be in heavy ways But that was a deal with the devil Now I can move on with my law. Fuck. Fuck.

God damn it. But because they see that now like every local station is like on the hunt for the conservative senator in, you know, in the birdcage district, I guess we're calling it. Oh, in the birdcage district. Yeah, they're called the birdcage. South Beach. Yeah. That's it.

And, you know, in one of the absolute greatest reveals in movies, you just hear this like Julia Child-esque, here are. and just fucking heads up for one of the greatest things you've seen in your life is this performance man oh my God is he great and it's like he's so

he gives exactly what they want there's that great bit about abortion and great bit about abortion right folks no but it's they're talking about abortion and it's like very contentious you hear about this

and abortion you know like I think even like Val is trying to steer away from it, but they're like, oh, you know, like, I think Gene Hackman's like something, well, the doctors are only getting it because they're doing the abortions. And then, uh...

Yeah, it's one of those like, I'm not saying we should kill abortion doctors. But then, uh, he said, um, Nathan Lane as this character, as... It's like, it's hilarious because Nathan Lane as a character as a character. And in that sort of prison, it's like, well, they should kill the mothers too. The fetus could go down with the ship. And it's like, go down with the ship. because she's doing what he thinks

he wants to hear and it's so fucking funny. And it turns out he does. He does exactly. Oh. It kills at the table. He loves this shit. Senator Keeley is falling in love with Mother Coleman hardcore right here. I will say

they make it because it's Gene Hackman it's a little more cute and cuddly. Like the father, the conservative father in the original they cut him out of saleo. Like he was going there That was his weekend plans, and then he came back. Like, they really overdue him.

So he was also a senator of some kind? A kind of, head of state of sorts, Eric. But then this is the great thing, too, where, of course, then he brings up the dead senator, and, you know, she's like, oh, well, we don't believe a word of that. And we'd like an autopsy, and another

just killer hackman line. He's like, that's what Rush Limbaugh says. You can, like, you can see the fuck hearts in this dude's eyes also fuck that pig rest and piss that's nice hope you got buried with your golden microphone you piece

of shit my fbeth I love that we're just getting applause for people who died we have nothing to do it congratulations we hate movies Limbaugh was the one that I got a talking to on the internet about being excited about we're on folkleaves dead right

oh we're my fuckley's dead this is killing let's keep going the rest of the show is dead you know that son of a b adolf hitler took his own life like a coward didn't he all right who else who else you got to think now uh you get this great moment where they're all dancing singing and dancing do i could have danced all night from my fair lady and you know robin blames is playing the piano and mrs coleman is dancing with senator keel and it's just all so great this whole little choreograph thing and then in comes his area singing the rest of it

and this big booming voice it's so awesome and then dinner is served one of the most disgusting soup scenes this side of dead alive folks the only thing that could have made it worse is if someone's face

fucking fell off in the soup and then they ate their own face this soup is really gnarly I would have loved if Val did that if Val just starts melting into the soup That sounds great. It was giving me some, you know, Temple of Doom vibes.

Yeah, yeah, totally. Oh, the chilled monkey brains. Oh, delicious. I do love, the bowl gag is obviously hilarious where it's a bunch of men in Greek garb having sex with each other on the bowls. We don't see the bulls. But, like, no one has their glass. It's like, I think that's what it is.

And, like, oh, no, there's a girl on mine, which is the idea of, like, just playing that off. Oh, no, no, no, mine has a girl on it. It's fine. And then Jeet hack would be like, I know something. that's not a girl. I don't need my glasses to tell you that. Somewhere around here, too,

is when Callista Flockhart forgets that this is Albert in drag and I was like, you have one job. You got one job, Barbara? You're fucking it up. You know what? I don't put it past Val to just let her swim on her own

to be like, no, yeah, yeah. It's just a normal night. Don't worry about it. Oh, not even telling her what's going on? No, no, no. Fuck you. You're 17. Got it.

But this is one of the great ad libs here, the kitchen scene where he's freaking out about the soup getting served. And he yells, fuck the soup, and slips and falls on the floor. And it's an IRL. Williams is beefing it. And just keeps in the moment. The three of them are just, like, laughing their asses off. Like, he's screaming to kind of, like, mask it. It's just, the whole thing is just a comedy school in a little scene.

Some of the best goddamets I've ever heard. Oh, yeah. Just, just squealing. God damn it. God damn it. But, yeah, so, like, they're kind of, like, just kind of getting through. Meanwhile, there's a note that is on the door for Christine Baranski to not come because, you know, it's fucking too late now. By the way, thanks for nothing, mother.

We're going back to not talking. I know I needed you for this, but you know what. Well, she gets caught in a Miami traffic jam, which is a bridge cam. up because a sailboat was flying. Leave earlier. That's the thing. Yep. Hour early. You don't want to be late for a farce, folks. You really don't. Because you never know if you're going to

fuck it up. But the dastardly and fat guy from the National Enquirer. I want to go out of my way to just mention the movie does not want you to forget. So Kid Criscoe is back in the picture. Take it from here. He grabs the

notes. So like, now the farce shall be certainly ruined and you know we're kind of this is about when Albert's wig starts to tip a touch which is because ever

of course in this situation farce or no you are boozing hard don't worry about it and he's getting kind of wasted with all the with all the wine and yeah he sort of leans down and comes up and the wig is askew which is fucking great

and then this weird like all four of us are going to the bathroom at the same time and meanwhile Gene Hackman and Dianwist are about to fucking break up their marriage of 80 hundred years Well, it turns out who's afraid of Virginia Wool for like five minutes.

I know what's going on here. It's just like for five minutes, you see all of this shit. She's like, oh, you love her. It's like, I don't love anybody. And it's like, holy shit. I see what's going on. She's a small town girl and he's a pretentious European. Yes, that's right.

He invokes Aristotle Anassas, which... Love that. That's totally great. I noticed you didn't have this compassion for Bessie Jackson. Yes. I see Jackson's an old hoot. Oh, I think he says cow, actually. Yeah, how do you like it?

A fuck face. Well, I wasn't pretending. But so she, so like as they're like kind of trying to fix the wig, wouldn't you know what Christine Bransky does show up, but she's like, hello, it is me the mother of Val. She has a good thinking on her toes here. She's like, I forgot my keys, which is a great explanation for why she's not just walking. in the door. And man, classic Azaria line right here. He's like, can I take your purse for the first time or maybe like I always do? And then this is where the everything comes

undone. She introduces herself. I'm Val's mother, Mrs. Goldman. And Gene Hackman goes, Juch, too, too. I was having dinner with Jews. Also, and there's fires outside. People are screaming. I got to get my stomach pumped. They better put their Jew magic in it. Nixon also said that once. Yes, she did. That was caught on the tapes at the White House.

I mean, that's what you want to be careful. You don't want to have those Hebrew national hot dogs, folks. They do have Jewish magic in them. And that might upset your stomach a touch. It used to be in the commercials. Now with 50% less Jewish magic. Trying to get a bigger market. Yeah, so this is, you know, Hackman thinks that like Baranski's like the lady on the side or whatever.

So he's like, how many mothers does Val have? And this is where like, and I get it. Like we're trying to keep it short. The movie's already, you know, pretty much two hours and it's based on a play and all that. But this is just like, it's not enough to save this guy where he's just like, you know, I have one mother and she's right here. And this is my father. And he's a nightclub owner and she's the star. And like, it's nice.

but I still hate your rots, dude? You're still a total douchebag. There's no walk in that back. It's been too long. It's been a whole 24 hours of hell. I mean, I can't do it. You have to really apologize to Albert. That's what the movie is missing.

There's no scene like that. I'm all for a movie wrapping up quick, which this pretty much does, but you need that moment where he's like, you raised me and I was garbage to you. And he don't get it. I was so scared and blah, blah, blah. Give him something.

Exactly. But it's not there. But so now, uh-oh, the press is outside and we don't want the quillies to be totally ruined. So how do we fix it? What about a big old dance number, everybody, where everyone's wearing it? That's right. We are family indeed. I love this.

Just coming through the club. Gene Hackman looking like a hungover Dame Edna. Rest in peace, by the way. Not the piss. and yeah and there's a great Diane Weist bit where there's a guy I never dance with the band

and she goes now you have she does like a band voice there's a first time for everything which is so great and Gene Hackman knows the song

the words too we are family we are family da da da da da ba da that's all you need to know man it's an easy one to fudge Calista Flockhart looking like fucking

Winona Ryder and Beetlejuice like she's got the black hair due and like the like caked on white makeup and the thing is this is the one moment in possibly the entire the credits are like around the corner they're coming quick yeah i have one second to like colista flockart's like look at all these guys and they look better than me and i'm like god damn it oh out of 10 lady zero out of 10 you want to give her a character no just pitch one in there and then val and this piece just, they just get to dance the night away because good for them.

Yep. Absolutely. The happy couple. Yeah. I guess it's good. I guess this was worth it. This fucking 24 hour. God, 24 hours to do this all. I do love they got out of the club. They get in the car and they're kind of like

crooked chauffeur. Gene Hackerb's like, make me at the corner 45th and 9th and 10 minutes. It's like, in your dreams, lady. It's, I, what I It's really great because he said, meet me in 20 minutes, the corner of El Dorado and Palm. And the guy goes, lady, not for a million dollars. And it's the end of the movie.

And it kind of, I think it might be like a sum like it hot, like nobody's perfect kind of sign off gag, which is pretty great. Which is why we don't, I honestly don't think we need the wedding. You know what I mean? No, but you had to let the fucking heteros know that everything was going to be A. A.OK with those kids, man. That's what it was. Someone at MGM was chomping on a cigar like, that can't be the last time of the movie. They've got to get married.

I mean... Lord's got to bless it. And I don't know if this drag queen was confused or she needed glasses. Is that Bob Dole over there? He's gorgeous.

Pardon me? Bob Dole regrets coming to this wedding. I mean, that's... It tells you how little they care about this wedding that they're putting into credits are just going over and you're just like, okay. I guess this happened. In this.

movie where you have Robin Williams and Nathan Lane king shitting for two hours. The freeze frames on the two of them? Yeah. Yeah. Fuck that. Well, to close of heart, I mean, like she had nothing else to do. So at least she gets that. I give her that much.

They should have just killed Val and the kid. There's a whole like weird double murder at the end of Animal House where it's just like Val was never seen again after going to Vietnam. Yeah. Well, also, you want an easy way out. You throw Val off of the roof of the birdcage.

Let's see if he could fly. Nobody's going to be paying attention when you walk out. I guarantee you. It's going to fly, Valie. What is it? At the end of the game? Oh, we forgot to tell you. Clarence Boddicker lives on the roof.

And that's the birdcage, folks. That is it. Great movie, great movie. Hell of a picture. There you go. Hell of a picture. Great movie. So we got to start wrapping up

But we want to thank all you all for coming out Give yourselves another big round of applause Thank you A round of applause for everyone to play the VHS trailer game That's right Thank you for throwing out Steve's tapes later No hold on to those Big thanks to the folks here at the State Theater

Who invited us this was so much fun And we were most happy to oblige the invitation Real quick cue How many of y'all have seen us live before? Bubble folks, okay. So for all the newcomers in the crowd, the only way to end a We Hate Movie Show where we've just been raucously going through a movie

is to check in with the source of some of the greatest, grounded, most intelligent film writing on the internet. You guessed it, the IMDB user review section. Now, we got a few here. And I decided, you know, we love movies, you know, only one, one star review. Okay. So we'll get that one out of the way first here.

One out of ten stars, subject line, two words, bad movie. Oh, wow. Senator Keely wrote this one. Three words, not enough birds. Honestly, great call. I got two things wrong with that. I'd prefer to see more cages myself. They're also nice.

User Susan Webb written on the 21st of May 2002. She might be dead. Yay! All right. Susan Webb's dead. 2002, yeah, she's probably dead. Go ahead.

So in 2002, Susan Webb wrote, From what I remember of the original, even though the characters are unbelievable, They aren't this annoying. In this film, everyone is unpleasant. And now this is where I agree with Susan. But Dan Futterman's vow wins the honor as being one of the most unpleasant characters

I have ever seen. I like her. I like her. This is good. She's got it. She's got it. Don't worry about it. Why anyone would put up with his petulant demands is beyond me.

Dead on. Rest in peace. Susan Webb is dead. Susan Webb is dead is dead is dead Susan Webb's in the eyes of the angels I know that there wouldn't be much of a movie otherwise But in the French film I don't remember the sun being that much of a baby

Now what you'll notice if you go through The rest of the one-star reviews for this movie Is all these dickheads reminding you I saw the French version Look where do you think I learned it from he's a very smart people the film itself is an exercise in predictability

I'm a fan of a farce but when it's this labored and unfunny it can become tiresome I have never quite got Mike Nichols films I think we're back in rest in piss territory

I also don't know that you need a fucking rocket science degree to understand the graduate wit. Well, wait, hold on. What do they look at out? Are they happy to be married at the end? They're not happy to be married? Wait a second. They're taking a bus out of the wedding? I've never quite got

Mike Nichols film, so that may have something to do with it, and now it's going to be right back to piss here. And I think that Robin Williams is a vastly overrated an actor, and I can think of I can think, do these

people can't write, too, that's the other thing. I got to say this stuff on stage. Some of the worst grammar you've ever seen. I think Robin Williams is a vastly overrated actor, and I think that also has a lot to do with the fact that I didn't like this film. Fuck you, Susan. Rust and piss.

Piss. Rust and Piss. Not peace. Susan Webb is dead is dead. We are back to Piss Town with that lady. In the eyes of the devil. It's not how that song goes. That's like the weird owl cover.

Yeah. All right, here we go. Here's some good stuff. But we're still going to make fun of it a little bit. 10 out of 10 stars. Subject line, Cé Magnific. Oh.

Written in 2017 by someone still having an AOL email address. I cannot believe how hilarious this movie turned out. It is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. I can barely contain myself from bursting into laughter at just the thought of it. Landed on pretty thick, A-O-O-W. The acting is superb, the direction impeccable. In fact, the entire production is Trey Magnifice.

Yeah, see, this is what this is, right? I never had so much fun watching a movie. Tripien! Each and every character is endearing, and you get the feeling that each actor was born for exactly that role. Zootelot. No.

No, no. All right. No. I'm surprised there were no Academy Award nominations for Nathan Lane, Gene Hackman,

Robin Williams, and especially Hank Azaria. Now hang on, hang on. Sorry, no, Dan Castelletta is in the audience.

Apologies. Was it that you were surprised that they wanted Azaria to also get a nomination? yeah all right that's fine it's fine

that's fair yeah yeah that's fair uh uh hang his area

as the entertainer extraordinary want to be the Goldman's faithful houseman L. O'L I am laughing

as I write this review you must see it and appreciate it 10 out of 10 excellent was that the Joker's sister

that wrote that I love to Sally Joker. Yes, it was. Got a couple more here. Ten out of ten stars. Subject line, I loved it. I bought it. Twice. Written by Stewie in April of 2004. I think the movie is fabulous. It's a wonderful comedy with great performances and tons of memorable moments. Absolutely. Gene Hackman is great as the ultra right-wing senator.

Diane Weist gives an excellent performance. performance as this underappreciated wife. Deer in the headlights, Callista Flockhart in a role pre... No, actually, Deer in the Headlights was my editorial. Sorry about that. It's a fair. Sometimes it just pops out. I'm sorry. It's okay. It's extra funny because this sentence

goes like this. Callista Flockhart in a role pre-Allie McBeal gives us a glimpse of her talent we will see later. Huge question mark. Let's move on. Just a glimpse. Just a... peek behind the curtain, just a little one.

Yeah, you need to use like one of those eclipse cards to view her talent. Oh, wow, there it is. That's it. Remember, don't look directly at her talent. You're going to burn your rods and your cones, dude. But the show is stolen by Nathan Lane and Robin Williams. They are perfect as the middle-aged gay couple.

Robin is fantastic. Objection, Your Honor. You can't steal the show when you're the leads of the movie. Yeah. The show's already been given to you, yes. That James Bond stole the show, didn't they? You know, that Michael J. Fox's Martin McFly just really stole the show, didn't he? Yeah, that is weird.

Just the right combination of physical humor and, for Robin, rare understated delivery. Nathan Lane, what can I say? What can I say? Anything? No one else could have played this role. I loved it. I catch it every time it is on TV. I have the VHS, and today, I purchased the DVD.

Oh, wow. I give it two thumbs up. Loved two wong fu as well, so maybe my taste is just a little more evolved than some. Don't hurt yourself, patting yourself on the back. I can't hear you. we are family without picturing Gene Hackman and drag. Must be why I just bought that song on iTunes. When you get the fucking life updates from these people.

And that is the sign off to your review. I don't give a shit what you purchased on iTunes. Come on. Just like you are so in need for that image. Just be playing constantly in your mind. Oh, Gene Hackman and drag. While you're sleeping, you're playing the song. Oh, there he is again.

There's nothing wrong with fantasizing about that. I mean, it's nice. Don't get me wrong. All right, here we go. Last one to close out the evening here. 10 out of 10 stars. Subject line. Gene Hackman in drag is a hoot.

Oh, wow. Hoot. That's just like an owl. Subject line, or written by Bergdorf. Goodman? I don't know. Just Bergdorf. Well, I don't know.

June of 2022. between Nathan Lane's bursts of laughter screams and crying and Hank Azaria Zagador there is nothing but hilarity in this movie Robin Williams gives a great turn and of course it's sad to know he's no longer with us

but just watch this movie and you will have a gay old time we've been we hate movies from New York City thank you everybody thanks so much for coming out everybody happy pride we love you all we'll see you next time bye bye bye Thank you very much.

We know we're not alone with how we feel about the way people talk about women's sports. We want to be part of the solution. Having been there many times before ourselves, Tobin and I are going to bring to you what it's like to play in a World Cup, what's really happening behind the scenes, all the good, juicy bits. The recap show will bring you gal culture at its finest. We all know what broculture is, but what is gal culture? We're here to define it.

We have incredible guests joining us. You're going to get the strongest perspective, the strongest minds the game has to offer. This is our narrative, our culture. and we get to tell it our way. Nobody can speak about the World Cup better than us. You'll hear it all on the recap show. Premaring July 20th, you're going to find the recap show everywhere. YouTube, TikTok, Twitter, Instagram, threads.

And wherever you get your podcast. Welcome to the recap. Welcome to the show. LFG.