We Hate Movies - S13: WHM Mail Bag 10.24.22

Episode Date: October 25, 2022

On this exciting edition of the WHM Mail Bag, the guys are reading letters about terrible teachers, disgusting movie promotional material, and one of the worst liars to ever live. Plus, ALL November WLM content is revealed, including special Patreon material! And that's not all! We even start things off with an all-new VHS Trailer Game!  Want your weird stories read on the air? Have a question for the gang? Then write in to the WHM Mail Bag: [e-mail]!  Catch the guys on the road in the U.S.A. AND their Canadian debut in Toronto—starting THIS WEEK! Tickets on sale now! Check out the WHM Merch Store -- featuring new MINGO!, WHAT IF Donna?, Mortal Kombat & Bean Dinner designs! Advertise on We Hate Movies via Gumball.fm Unlock Exclusive Content!: http://www.patreon.com/wehatemovies See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum podcast. What is going on one and all? My name is Andrew Jupin, and this is WHM Mailbag, and I'm alongside three dudes. You know what? They're ready to read some letters, but also announce the entire lineup for November's We Love Movies Month. Let's bring him in here. you know him you love a mr eric ciska hello oh wow i didn't expect me with that intro oh well at least i love you dude uh i'll drink to that yeah here's another uh man i love chris cabin oh hoi hoi eric i i would

have not said uh i would have said i tenderly have feelings for you i don't fully love you yet i love you tenderly okay well hopefully we can get up ir l soon wait this This Thursday we'll be loving tenderly on stage in Toronto. Well, hang on, hang on a second. We got to love someone else tenderly first. Bring him in the mix. The most tender man I know, Stephen Saneck. That's so nice.

It's more of a casual thing. What do you just do the whole show while I'm backstage? Hey, man, they wouldn't, they wouldn't stop fucking talking. I couldn't believe it. I wanted my friends. This is how much we love each other. I mean, come on now. We're just getting into it.

We're just loving each other. And I wanted my friend Steve here, but your name on this YouTube video here is quite distressing. I thought Steve would be joining us. You're right. This Thursday, super exciting. We're going to be in Toronto talking Saw 4. Oh, yeah.

Look at that shit. Art by Philippe Sabrero, by the way. Look at this fucking melting man here. If you're seeing that or hearing this this week, the week it's released, October 24th, 2022 right now, we're going to be there on Thursday talking about. saw for in Toronto. And we're going to talk more about the tour as people file in.

You know, you want to let people, let people come, let people join the show first, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Off the easy material quick. Yeah, totally. So maybe let's break it up this way. We'll do a letter and then get to get to the rest of the tour dates. You want to do that? When is, I thought Mr. J. Masters

got some tricks here. Well, that was the start. It was the cue. It was the cue that I, this whole thing is all messed up. Let me hit play real quick. Coming soon to theaters. Son of a bitch.

Now, I just want to be clear about one thing. The reason we're doing this right now is because I'm an idiot. And one of the episodes you recorded for November was supposed to have the VHS trailer game on it. But the only way that anyone knows that that's going to happen

is if I say let me hit play real quick and I didn't. And I have not. So the episode happened. And then Three days later, I was like, wait a second. I never did it. Yeah, I kept on waiting for you to do it. I was, we were in the episode. I was like, should I tell him?

I'm not the Jay Master. I do not have that kind of, you know, carte blanche. Some cahoots here, it sounds like. So it's the VHS trailer game. I am Jane Master and these are my clues. It's America's favorite game, but obsolete materials. We are in season 13. Stakes have been made.

people are Andrew I believe is currently in the lead oh that won't last long it will not because I won't allow it crooked this is an exciting thing but the weird thing is this is all fucked up because we don't know what the titles are yet so I will say that this is for a movie from the year 2001 um space out of the FY yes so this is all these trailers correspond to a movie from 2001 as everybody you guys know how the game goes right we know we're doing hands up. We're going to do hand stuff.

Please raise your hand. Yes. No, no, not that kind of hand stuff. Yeah, so I can't believe, by the way,

I put in all that effort to get them buzzers and y'all motherfuckers lost those. Can't believe it. You know what? It's somewhere. I know where mine is.

I'm going to use it for this game. Oh, you're so special, teacher's pet. Wow. He's going to get a real buzzer. Oh, yeah. Oh, there it is.

I love it. What would we do without that noise? We usually do these only on our live stream guys. I don't think we've ever done like a one for a trailery thing or whatever. So that's exciting, right? I think we'll also. By the way, oh, go ahead. I'm instituting something right now.

The chat is being correct. All four of you need to be, all three of you need to be on the honor system. turn off your comments do not look at the chat because they're going to be like oh I know something but you don't and that's not fair you doing it

oh no I'll tell you what Steve that's a good call I always have mine just set to our private chat because you know you get distracted sometimes you know you look at the chat and most of it's good but then every once a while

somebody is like hey fat buddy nice white beard you wizard prick and I'm like whoa exactly what are you we're like distracted you know I was somebody's got my goat. That's what I say when I hear that. Exactly. Whatever I'm on camera

like people are looking at me, people are looking at me, people are looking at me, people are looking at me. And I don't want to hear what people are saying when they are indeed looking at me. No, it's never good. So, all that is to say, VHS Trailigan, the year is 2001. The world is about to change as we know it, everybody. That's right. This summer can't last forever.

The fucking Wright brothers had to invent airplanes. They did. They really did. Okay. Round one. Game Master Clue. Why did I say Game Matt? Please. Oh, he can read good.

Game Masters clue. A writer-director's hot streak continued with yet another nail biter. This time a rural whole family and not the whole world is in trouble. A family in a rural area is in trouble. and maybe even the whole world, Chris Cabin. Is that signs? It is signs for five big points from Chris Cabin. Yes.

Sure, sure, sure. Yes, signs. Thank you, Chad. Thank you, Chad. No, that description was actually taking me down Chamalon because I was thinking of the village for a second. Oh. And it's hard to remember that that came out,

which one came out in what year and all that stuff. I'm not really good at that either. I got tripped up because what was the year of that Spielberg War of the World? Because that was kind of some like, I think five, 2003 or five. Oh, so that's farthering. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that, but I remember Unbreakable came out like right before. Yes.

So they closed it real quick between movies. I think it was like 2000 and because if this is a VHS tape, Steve, that movie might have been released. Signs might have been 2002. Unbreakable was like a Thanksgiving movie. It was, yeah, thanks. Thanksgiving of 2000. Yes, that's right.

Yeah. And then it went right into it. Yeah. Okay. Round two. Game Master. A misfire for the ages, an S&L star who's known for crushing it. So his only solo outing become a critical punching bag, and he never opened a movie, Andrew Jubin.

Master of disguise? It is not master of the side. Here's the thing that is ultra pathetic about this. I had to press the fucking sad trombone button for myself. Here you go. A misfire for the ages, an S&L star who's known for crushing it. saw his only solo outing become a critical punching bag

and he never opened a movie by himself again. Wow, what a fucking clue. For the ages, that S&L star, there's been a few. Who's known for crushing it. So his only solo out of him

become a critical punching bag and he never opened a movie by himself again. Solo outing. Eric Siska. Beverly Hills Ninja? It is not Beverly Hills Ninja. That was a good.

Now, only Chris Cabin's on the board here. Of course. Chris, you want to go out of the Tribune trivia? sure so for four points shortly before this film was set to premiere on october 12th 2001 the u.s government announced uh the country to go into the highest state of alert on the account of a possible terrorist attacks and new york city mayor rudy juliani urged people to stay at home during this weekend and avoid shopping walls and cinema don't see this movie don't say it don't go to the movie stay away from the movie the movie theaters are in time square and that's where all the filthy

prostitutes are. Chris, I'm going to view one more thing. Not even, I'm not even a clue, but just, he is known for crushing it. Tagline, the world's, for three points, the world's most dysfunctional mafia family has a new weapon against the FBI. It is Chris Cabin. Corky Romano. Corky Romano, he's known for crushing it like the movie, nope says, ladies and gentlemen.

Oh, crushing it. I was like, falling on a table. That's Mr. Farley. Wait, wait a second. his only convoluted his only solo outing yeah

because you're thinking like Night of the Rocksbury his team with Will Farrell yeah yeah yeah that's not

contan didn't open that movie this is the movie that Chris Catan tried to open yeah I guess you're right and I guess

all right yeah okay I was thinking I was incorrectly thinking he was a bigger character in Monkeybone but that's a

Brendan Fraser movie and Chris Catan is farting around in it it is all right so now exciting

round three this is double points because I've never heard of this movie or like I look I when the title came up I was like maybe I've kind of heard of it but I never do it was about I never do who was in it so this is an exciting one 10 big so this double points so it's 10 points for the for the game master eight for the tribute trivia and so okay so get your thinking caps on gentlemen oh it's on game master's clue two sexy ladies living in London and try to blackmail some seasoned criminals after witnessing a bank robbery. Two, sexy ladies

living in London, try to blackmail some seasoned criminals after witnessing a bank robbery. Again, this is going to be a tough one because I've never heard of this movie before. Is this another one of your you looked up the UK release for this? No, no, this is a real US state.

I believe anyway. There's a couple of titles that my head is circling around right now. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Because this movie wants you to know these ladies are sexy though. That's part of the show. Are they not? Is it? No, they're stressing it. It's a movie. Everybody's sexy.

I mean, yeah, sexy ladies in the UK, like trying to find a man was a big genre at the time. So it makes sense. So going on Tribune Tribune. Let's do it. Okay. This might not help, may or may or not. Okay. The robbery at the beginning of this movie was inspired by the real life Baker Street

robbery of 1971. Elements of the film from the real-life robbery include the robbers turning tunneling in from the store next door the looting of the safety deposit boxes a spotter on the roof across the street and their communications being picked up by local radio and scanning equipment.

You know what? I'm kind of certain I've seen this movie. Ooh, I like this. I love where this is going. I can't have for the fucking life of me think of this title. We might have seen this together. Because that plot sounds so totally familiar the part about tunneling in from the store

fuck me all right we're going to do it tagline crime has never been so attracted oh my god yeah I guess they are pretty sexy huh they're quite sexy oh my god

so that's it that's her last hint there right no there's two more hints coming star number two Mary McCormack Isn't this so, ladies gentlemen, the career, the film career of Mary McCormack, and this is not the movie

Private Parts, I hate to break it to you. Oh, fucker. Chris Cabin. Oh. High-heeled low life. Ooh, I'm going to have to get a ruling from the audience here. I don't know if I could give it to him.

I don't know if I'm going to have Andrew and Chris. and I'll read the last one and then afterwards we'll discuss whether if Chris gets Okay Okay The last star is Mini Driver Ooh

And it's close to what Chris said He said high heel low life So it's clearly high heel dirtbag Dude dude I want to watch Whatever high heel dirt bag is so it's not called that it is called high heels and low lives oh then i don't get it yeah it's yeah it's sorry it's just not that is i wanted to give it that that's a secret movie it's a it's a bit of a secret movie how did anyone i'm not now i'm gonna now i'm

scroll to the chat did anybody get it uh did anybody has anyone heard uh yeah i i'm getting a couple i've oh fuck i've seen this which is funny no i don't think anyone got it. That's interesting. So there you go. That's the VHs character game. Chris Kappa got 10 points. Nobody got shit. Wow. So now Chris is in the lead

now, right? Yes. Yes, I believe so. I'd have to consult. By the way, thanks to Philippe Sobrero for keeping the points together because I certainly can. I can't even remember to fucking press play real quick. How could I even possibly remember how to fucking keep scores?

So thank you, Philippe for doing that. And I believe Drew Stewart helps him out as well. So thank you, Well, here, Steve, you know why you forgot is because you were so excited about the titles we were doing of during November's WLM month. So what are we doing? Oh, my God. So, all right. Do you guys all have, you know, you three folks, do you have the orders as well here? I do.

Okay. So what I do have is the order of events of our live tour. Oh, why don't we do? this Thursday will be in Toronto there's a few tickets left talking soft for at the Royal Theater November 14th will be in Denver Colorado talking war games at comedy works November 15th Salt Lake City Utah fatal attraction we are going to really gross out with this one and then November 17th Phoenix Arizona Universal Soldier you know it you love it come on out to CB live oh yeah all tickets available at w hm podcast

dot com all right I will start so what we'll do we'll do the the prime feed first WLM in November so these are all going to be episodes full length episodes on movies we love the first one out the gate

is indeed my favorite Alfred Hitchcock movie that's right we're talking north by northwest oh yeah fun as fuck Oh, yeah. Fun as fuck episode. We did already lay this one down. Yeah. Could happen to anybody, you know.

As a thing says in the beginning, there might be things that sound familiar in the plot to North by Northwest that you might think is real, but it could happen to you any day now. You could just be running against the plane. It happened to my buddy Rick one time. Oh, wow.

That's a bad. Crazy. That's sad. Some doing some, what do you call it there? Some some impressions of the star of that Harry Grant

Thank you very much Dave escapes you the poster was just I'm spending a lot of fucking records here dude We have some good Little James Mason Rips too

James Mason Yeah we're having a lot of fun A young attractive Martin Landau Just doing it up Sassy stuff Speaking of young and attractive Can I do the next one?

We could do a young and attractive James Belmont Luci in the movie Thief. Oh, yeah. Michael Man's first film. Oh, yeah. That's an exciting episode that we were also recorded and it's super fun. Uh, and

yeah, hot damn. Great movie. Also, my favorite Michael Man movie. Look at this. A lot of faves. Oh, really? I love Thief. That was a lot of fun to talk about. And after that, folks, fun doesn't stop there. We are going to the

interesting world of the royal tenant bombs. Oh. there we go. Yes. Already laid this one down as well. Really great. That is where the trailer game should have been. That's right.

I guess you wrapped up in our incredible conversation that I forgot to hit play. No, that is literally what happened. I mean, we got into it. We hit the ground running talking about that movie. And then the next thing, you know, fucking two hours went by. What are you going to do about that?

We should have opened it with, you know, the VHS trailer game lived on the corner of Archer Avenue. Well, you know who thankfully a movie that Alec Baldwin is not narrating is the other movie we're going to be doing. The next movie we're going to be doing, Catherine Bigelow's Point Brace. Oh, man. The big boy.

Two, too chilly dog. I can't wait to revisit that one. It's been a while, but man, what a fun movie. I'm actually kind of excited because it's been a really long time for me, too. And I just rewatched Near Dark on Criterion stream. So it's like, now I'm doing it a Bigelow. I just watched Near Dark as well on Criterion. What a fucking masterpiece that movie is.

I forgot. I go through all of her movies and wind up. skipping Detroit again. You know what I'll just keep? Every time I go to see, I'll skip Detroit. That's how you got to do it. Let me tell you. Let me tell you something. I saw that movie at a trade screening and the distributor had like a rep there.

And, you know, they ask you like, how do you think the movie's going to do? You know, what did you think of it? I walked out of that fucking movie. I was like, I don't know what the fuck she was thinking. I don't know what the fuck you were thinking. And it's like 35 minutes. long so I don't know what y'all are going to do with this movie and then what a surprise that terrible movie fucking cratered theatrically oh man you were the center of that person's therapy

for many weeks just giving her this fucking dressing down I got to tell you I mean it was a representative that I had spoken with multiple times she knew me she knew she knew me but what didn't crash and burn at the box office kind of a little sensation who a little more critical reappear of lately, and I can't wait to revisit it, because I loved it back in the day, and I'm sure I'm going to love it now. Bram Stoker's Dracula. Oh, yeah. Oh, rock and roll

hordes. Oh, man. It's so fucking good. Right on time for your Thanksgiving, that episode should be out. Yes. Well, actually, look at the poster here. That movie came out in November 13th. Oh, looks, there you go. They missed Halloween like we did, so it's fine.

Wow, how do you fuck that up? What else was going on in 1992? Well, I guess they were that movie is trying to be more of a prestigey movie maybe they were hoping for Oscar or not. Oh, a fucking wolf being fucks when on a rider on a bench, Steve. Come on now. Give it the award. Give it the award.

It's the director of apocalypse now. They want it to win an award. I watched that movie. I re-watched it on 4K back when I had fucking COVID in like May. And even through the misery of COVID, I was sitting there like

This movie fucking rules. Oh, no, the best. Now, the fun doesn't stop there. Over on the Patreon, we are souping up the selections as well. And the first thing we're going to do is normally on the Patreon at the $5 and up level every month we give you a We Love Movies episode. Well, we are flipping the script on that. All the main feed, like we just said, has all those great movies.

So we're going to talk around a real, real shit show. That is Rotten Rids Hannibal from 2001. oh yeah Dracula's Gary Oldman everybody we had to you know we wanted to say

goodbye to Ray Leota the right way from one of the most cheap is what crowning achievements by eating his brain yeah oh man

I were moving to the crown and rest in peace here's you eating your own brain yes that is the Patreon episode but there's more Patreon content

where that came from we're also there is please we're also going to be talking about you know him, you love him, personal good friend of mine, Chewbacca. Yeah. Closery.

Saving Chubbacin for the last man. Look at this fucking picture. He looks like he's getting sucked off. That's why I couldn't wait to suck him off. So I had to mention it early. I think you should get your little button ready. Your Dave system should be all ready to go. You should get my butt ready?

that. Your David system. Now, the viewer at home, Chris, doesn't know that yet, but on the gleam glossary that is coming out this week. Yes. Oh, boy, I flip the script on these guys. I have a droid helping me out. That droid is named

David. And he has an alarm system that goes off whenever I say anything. And the fun doesn't stop there. On animation, damnation, we're doing a full feature-length episode on a little little movie called Nightmare

Before Christmas. That's right. Oh, yeah, the Nightmare Before Christmas. A lot of fun. It was great having Jen back on the show for this one. Yes, my wife, my wife joined us for this because she's a super fan and all of us are fans. So yeah, yeah, you want to be on that fucking Patreon, folks. You do want to be on. Oh, but not, you know, that that ain't all. What's the Nexus this month? Oh, man, we are rocking into a neck of the woods, y'all. That is, you know, I will say a little bit undiscovered.

Scyke, Star Trek the motion picture. Undiscovered in the sense that it is fucking underwatch, man. This movie has a bad rep. It's got a bad rap, unfortunately. It does star a fucking child rapist, and that dude can burn in the fires of hell for eternity. But good movie. And we've got a little debut here.

Look at this fucking art. Filippe Sogero, man. Look at that. God damn it. And this movie, you need, quote, unquote, tall glass of water for this one. Oh, yeah. Strap it, dude. That movie

is a fucking delight. I love it. We did the episode and I had yet to receive in the mail the new remastered definitive edition 4K thing that came out. So I had to watch it for the show. Did so, you know, totally gleefully. And then seriously, the day after we recorded the episode, it got delivered.

And I literally watched it. it again that night. And I was like, these are all the differences between the two cuts. That's how much I fucking dig this movie, man. I'm so, so super excited. But I'll tell you what, that is a packed ass month of content right there.

That's why we recorded half of it already. Because that's the only way it's going to happen. Oh, yeah. If we're going on tour too. Which we are going on. Oh, that's right. I know I have some information in front of me somewhere here. This Thursday, we will be

in Toronto and then November 14th is it? Denver, Colorado. I want all you Colorado's out here for this show. November 15th, Salt Lake City, Utah. Please come out, Utah.

And then November 17th, Phoenix, Arizona, Universal Soldier. Love that fucking movie. It's going to be awesome. We're going to have a blast. It's going to be really cool. All right.

This is, as far as I understand it, a mailbag. So we've had a lot of fun here. But now it's time to triple the fun with some letter reading. Now, Chris Cabin, you are, you, Steve is the Jame master and you are the mailmaster. Postmaster. No, no, he's the mailmaster. The male master general. So any particular order, any of these you think one of us should read over the other for any reason?

Nope. We can go as is. Okay. Anybody wants it? Go for it. I'll take the first one because the word schmuck is in the title, and I'm a bit of a schmuck myself, so it started here. Swag for Schmucks. Hey, gang, years ago, my local multiplex was doing a giveaway for a free bag of movie swag to the first 10 customers of the day.

Ooh, swag. Chris, are you also getting flashbacks? but I don't remember much swag other than like the stuff like that was up in the break room did we do give it? Did we do giveaways? No, because we would fucking steal all the stuff. Well, yeah, sure. What are you saying?

So we wouldn't do anything. Rotten t-shirts that are like rolled within an inch of their life. Those like a lot of that. It takes you a year to even and look by the time you unroll it, the writing is cracked because again, it is like vacuum sealed those. I had several of those t-shirts, absolutely. including, and then I'll get back to the letter because I'm sure this is going to be interrupted again.

But when the film Traffic came out, they had fucking traffic t-shirts compressed down into pink, like wrapped things that looked like bricks of coke, basically. And it was like, here's your traffic

t-shirt to give away to the audience. We were like absolutely not. This is too good. We're stealing them. So being the movie-obsessed kid, I was, but still just too young. to drive myself. I convinced my mom to drop me off at the mall that morning. I'm still too young to drive. I just turned 39.

I'm still too young to drive. I don't think, dude, even if you got, like, registered and you know, passed a driver's exam and got your license, I don't know that I'd ride in a car with you, to be totally honest. At this point, like, what are we talking about? Exactly, dude, I'll take the bus or drive myself with my driver's license. Yeah.

That's all of that. Oh, Mr. Driver's license. Mr. Bigman. with your big license I dropped me up at the mall that morning so I could be one of the first people there when I got there I was literally the only one in the lobby and having my eyes solely

on the prize of free swag I didn't look ahead at what movies were actually playing that day to my dismay the only movie playing that morning that wasn't R-rated was recent previous episode

Shrek Forever After Dot, dot, dot, dot in 3D. Yeah, dude. Coming right at you. You're paying extra for that shit. You're getting that swamp taint right in your face. Broome right there. Also, that's the one that's like especially sad for no reason.

So like, what a fucking waste. Then get a bum your whole day. Totally. It's a marital drama, really. It's not, it shouldn't be seen as an animated movie. It's a marital drama. What if I never existed? fucking I wish

I did what I had to do and what I had to do doing my duty here serving my country and bought my ticket and essentially had my own private screening of that wretched movie and the swag bag I so desperately desired

after I bought my ticket the cashier brought out a bag filled to the brim with Dinafer Schmux branded swag for schmocks man that movie was not great was that another one of these remakes of like a French comedy yes it was the dinner game originally

and then it got turned into dinner for schmux which dinner game sounds better yeah Steve Carell Rudd in that movie yeah I think it's Paul Rudd and yeah not a good one not a good one at all you know I'll say I never saw it but I will definitely take your word for it the shirts are fantastic for it

so they go on to say here what's the most odd or cringeworthy piece of branded movie swag you've ever received how long before it reached the landfill or a goodwill for this person their answer is a Mr. Woodcock-branded athletic cup that I ended up giving

to my grandpa but that's a story for another day. Big fan of the show thanks for everything. Joel from Michigan how about that? Thank you Joe. Yeah the the traffic Coke thing was crazy for Fight Club they gave us

there were bars of soap that had like Fight Club imprinted on it and they were made by fucking literally like fucking prison slave labor like on the sticker it was like this was made at fucking whatever penitentiary

it was horrible but I will say that was used for the soap horrible way to make it but they did a great job and it smelled terrific I'm so excited actually you go Chris

please please I remember very clearly us getting the rules of attraction and they had a shirt where it was just in case you know you're wondering

do you want to see this movie or not how about two teddy bears fucking yep I used to see one of you guys used to wear that all the time Andrews

yeah mine did end up in the land Thank God I was too fat to wear it anymore and threw it away. No, actually, I think I was just so fucking humiliated. Wait, Steve, do you have one? I have it right here. Okay, well, hang on. So, Steve, you go first because Chris, I am going to get what you got me for my birthday out of the closet. Here comes. Here comes.

Uh-oh. Oh, boy. Everyone, don't all say it at once, but these are obviously the, uh, sunglasses that Kate from the movie Netflix is the movie Kate wears in the movie Remember? Remember Netflix's movie? No, I don't. I was going to say it looked like

Johnny Depp's Willie Wonka is what I was getting used. Yeah, a little bit. I got that Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Yeah, it's her doing Atomic Blonde. I didn't see that movie in theaters. The Paris Theater in New York will do Netflix movies. Because it's owned by Netflix now which is dystopia. They were screening Alien because it was like, what movies do it?

the movie Kate. How about Alien? What the fuck is that movie about? Hold on. That sounds like a Larry King question. Now what movie inspired your movie Kate? Alien. What was an alien? Hang on a second. I know I was going and getting something out of the closet. What the fuck is the movie Kate? What is

this? It's Mary Elizabeth Winstead basically doing Atomic Blonde or John Wick. Oh, okay. You know, just kind of like, you know, basically heard. Yeah, just fighting people. okay well that's stuff that sounds terrible so she wears these glasses these exact glasses these are the exact glasses and honestly you can't even see and now right here there's a little thing on the very lightly on the side it says kate on

oh just at FYI so if someone's like is that oh that is kate from the movie kate god dude you want to know a worse version of that promotional sunglasses we got uh for i got two fucking Johnny Depp thing's actually back to back. I can't believe it. We got promotional shit for the Johnny Depp film Blow, the Ted Demi motion picture. Yes, rest in peace, Ted Demi. And they came with the, like, the Elvis sunglasses that Johnny Depp wears throughout the movie. But on the side, they were like gaudy, big, like gold sunglasses. And then on the side, in huge brick white lettering, it just said, blow.

It's just on both sides of these sunglasses. And I fucking wore them for a really long time. Now, the other piece of Johnny Depp memorabilia, movie memorabilia. Chris, do you want to tell the story of where you found this? I found this at like a consignment shop in Austin. I was there for a bat mitzvah. And I found this and I was just take. I was just absolutely knocked on my ass that this exists.

So you were like, I, Andrew is the one that needs to own. this. So this is... Yes. I'm never going to wear it. It is a... It's a Pirates of the Caribbean. This actually rules. Now, if you can't tell on the camera, it's not just as a t-shirt, it is a Pirates of the Caribbean sports jersey, like a baseball jersey.

Yeah. And just so you make sure, you... What's on the back? Oh, no. And I think, now the number here, I think, reflects the release year of 2003. So this is promotional material for Black Pearl. Okay. And just, you know, so you know who was the one good one, by the way. On a sports team, what do you call

like the main guy who's like the leader of the team? The captain. Uh-huh. Oh, yes. What's the number? What number are you got? Oh, three. That's right. It wasn't the 69. Yeah, too bad. It wasn't the 69. The promotion, what promotional

giveaway will have that. hat Johnny Depp is wearing in that picture this hat this whole look he's got going is not great not great I mean look everybody gets a little bloated when they get older see me but you know you got to lead into it and find something and that hat's not doing anybody any

favors well like whatever age he is he shouldn't look like Johnny Mitchell in 30 years from now exactly which is what he's looking like generally is the look I think he's going to he is somehow pulling off this weird combo of like puffy

but cryptkeeperesque like it's it's very very impressive it's called me a drug addict uh sorry who said that it's I mean I can't hear anything I don't know what you're saying I drink six bottles of red wine a night it's nice that he conflates

the you know he's he's like the next level of Dorian Gray he conflates the painting and himself and he's just like melting in front of us essentially and like the boils and pest Jones I assume will come soon enough That's awesome. I can read the next letter if we want.

Yes, sir. No, I can't because I close the document. What the fuck? Wait, you know what? It was those goddamn glasses from Kate. It was, yes. Kate has given us nothing but pain. I got it back now.

Here it goes. This summer, Kate is giving you nothing but pain. Kate too, still Kate. This summer, you won't survive. Kate. Kate, too, ice skate. Why would you name a movie, Kate, one of the more common names

in the English-speaking world. I don't know. It's Kate. Hey, he's Kate. And it's sequel, Jeff. Hey, Kate. This movie's named after you. Let's watch it. Well, it's a trend, right? Like, what, there was Kimmy, right?

Sure. Yeah, Kimmy. And then there's Kate. Kate. Any other good name names? Jeff. Kate was before Kimmy. I would watch Jeff. Oh, dude. What if there was a maybe a spinoff movie? like Netflix is Nate

when you get Nate v. Kate Oh yes, dude. Dude and then it's the the ACU the eight cinematic universe. It's just stupid. Okay. Next one. Stadium style lies

for kings for kids and adults. I wish it was kings, but kids is okay too. I wanted to tell you all about the best slash worst liar I've ever met. Oh. I'm going to call him Jay to protect the innocent. My friend, Ryan, was the first

to hear alive from Jay, the Baron of Bullshit. Nice title. Nice title. They were on a bus to a football game, but Jay tells his teammates that he just inherited a castle from his late father. All right, all right.

I've just been here to stop right here. Late father. It turns out he was a producer for the movie Kate. No, he wasn't. No, no. You have to be to have a castle. days. The catch to claim it, Jay would have to do battle.

Okay, now I just, you know, at some point you're just going to just move from a speeding bus. The catch, to claim it, Jay would have to first do battle with a martial artist that Yoda was based on. Yoda was based on a martial artist? I don't think so. I don't give a shit. Dude, guys, I just fell for the baron of bullshit.

You got you with one. you know it was based on a weakness in the market you see because we were like looking we were doing some test subjects and we could tell that there needed to be a little guy who spoke kind of backwards the market would really wheel out a little guy who speaks kind of backwards there's never been a little green guy before we've never seen a guy like that before we've never seen a tiny green guy who talks weird before so you know we thought it was a new kind of character we could go with but uh you know you you know, frankly, martial arts was never discussed, so I don't know what this guy's selling you, man. Jason should stop smoking. How about that? All right. So, whereas my lie from him was that he had seen a live action X-Men movie only

released in South Carolina. I presume that's like where they lived? I would assume, yeah, only South Carolina. Yeah, no, we can't let it outside the state. Sorry. We are only releasing this live action X-Men movie to the states in the South of America where you can buy Confederate flag beach towels at surf shops.

Dude, and I gotta tell you, I saw this X-Men movie that no one ever saw you see. It's amazing, only in South Carolina. And in that movie, Wolverine and Gambit go as to end. That's how the movie ends. So, like, they're never going to release it. It just, they go as-to-end. It's full penetration.

It's amazing that they're like, Hollywood would let that out. It was incredible. So the X would have stars on it, like the battle flag, right? Something like that, yeah, yeah. The stars and barsmen. You could ask me anything you want about it,

anything. We want to know what happens in it? I'll make up, I mean, I'll tell you what it is. But in junior high school, Jay, escalated. I don't know how you could escalate from that. Well, killing people. With your lies. one Friday afternoon

Ryan and I were talking before the buses came and when Jay came over and said well guys if I'm not here on Monday it's because I didn't survive all right see you later buddy have a great weekend dude thank you very much

because the next sentence doesn't make sense to me with that he had our undivided attention which is not how I like this guy's talking about fucking secret X-Men movies I'm like yeah take it easy pal enjoy the weekend yeah look divide your attention more, I said. I have new ways to divide your attention.

He doesn't need it undivided. He had our undivided attention. We asked him what he meant, and he told us that he would be entering a martial arts tournament. His mom was going to the local airport where he was going to be picked up by a, I don't even know what this is, by a stadium style airplane. Stadium

style. Yes, of course. What does that mean? Like, it's like an open air airplane, like a stadium? Why is stadium-style airplane we ask. It's tradition. They pick up all the combatants from all over the world in the tournament on the plane. I guess... Does this get going to Mortal Kombat?

I think he might be entering into Mortal Kombat. First, you have to get on the stadium-style plane. Do not get on the regular plane. It doesn't go to outflow. It's a stadium-style airplane. It takes fucking forever and to use the bathroom. That's stadium-style. You can get freetos anywhere. And water is not. stadium style.

Anyone care for us, $19 bud light? It's stadium style. There's going to be a jackass behind you screaming the entire time. Oh, look, it's Ted Cruz. Oh, no. Jilliam audience.

Do you want to spend $45 on a chicken sandwich? It's from a really good place, I promise. Oh, wow. Wow, in this year's tournament, it looks like one of the competitors is the Baron of Bullshit. He's got some special moves all right. Yeah, you got to watch those legsweeps.

You have to fight with these hot dogs. Does anyone know what a stadium-style played is? I've been looking on the chat, dude, not a single person. Okay, because I've never heard of that expression. Is it like a humongous? I think it's like, I mean, or cargo? like if one of those flying planes from like Mario

if that had a stadium on it rather than like a pirate ship oh no look out those guys up there with the turtle guys they got hammers then they're throwing them down that's actually where Mario tennis takes place is on the stadium style in the airplane in the sky it's just one big court instead of an emergency exit row there's peanuts it's stadium style I don't know what that means.

I have no fucking clue. That's what I took it. I don't know either. So in tradition, they pick a ball combat, it's all the world, the tournament on the plane. Having a kind heart,

hey, you shouldn't. I tried to cover for Jay by saying, oh, the plane is going, is so you're over, oh, the plane is so you're over

international waters, right? Not understanding that anything goes nature of international waters, Jay says, no, it's just tradition. Oh, of course.

He then says if he loses his match, he'll be killed. But if he wins, he'll be giving a, given a brand in the palm of his hand. That will never heal, but will signify that he is the best fighter in the world. Is he fighting in the Klingon Empire? Dude, I hope this letter ends with this kid maiming himself. Maybe it was just the first guy to watch Jim Cata and got really into the idea, like that he would just win a tournament somewhere. Of course.

I mean, this is, you know, every kid's, you know, their desire is always to, you know, win something. I still haven't. It's stadium style. Getting into your seat is really easy, but it takes about two and a half hours to leave. You want to wait 20 minutes for a bathroom? Wait for stadium style. I know you just sat down, but you have to get up again because the woman next you needs to go again.

Stadium style. It's stadium style. They're going to take 45 minutes before we take off to make sure we honor a retired legend and his jersey. Oh, good news. This flight is minor league stadium style. That means there'll be fireworks once we land.

Stadium style. Everyone's required to eat a foot and a half long hot dog. I am sorry to tell you that since it's raining out, we have to cancel the flight. you know stadium style it's a rain delay what are you going to do this flight's been rained out

and your captain is Patrick Ewing stadium style sorry no I like stadium style I love stadium style blah blah blah so he'll be he'll be killed brand this is the best

so I told him well good luck to your buddy the following Monday I was sick but Ryan told me that Jay came and showed off the brand which was just a few layers of red sharpie in the shape of an Asian character faded a couple of days God damn it A couple years later I tell my new friend

T.J. about the stadium style airplane fiasco and I advised him not to talk to Jay about it even a few more years later T. TJ confesses that he had asked Jay about it immediately when he asked Jay about the no longer visible brand Jay narrowed his eyes and said you know how fast I heal

Oh my God! That's it. See like you get that from the Wolverine. He saw the new version of Wolverine and he knows how it goes. We're taking a long time with this email. A few years ago I did it with Ryan to catch up and this is like a fucking Tolstoy

boy. I love it. I want a big point. I cut quite a lot. Oh my God. Dude, we got to do a fucking unabridged saga of Jay. None of it. None of it has to do with Jay. Oh, all right. Well, then none of it.

Good job editing then. A few years ago, I had dinner with Ryan to catch up, but of course the story, the subject of Jay, this is like, this is kind of like what do you call it there? Seeds from an Italian restaurant. There's like layers of the story. I told him,

the last time I had seen Jay, he was wearing a kilt. First of all, of course he was. the sweatpants of the Renaissance Fair set Jay missed out on a previous fair because he sliced his back open trying to sheath a sword like He-Man does.

With his shirt off? I don't know man. Must have. It must have. Just trying out He-Man moves? This is years later, right? He's a free spirit, this Jay. Okay, you know, he's trying new things. God bless him. God bless him. I also told

Ryan that Jay had, I was also told Ryan that Jay had served in the Marines supposedly and was married and had a son. The son was a surprise considering Jay had sworn up and down he couldn't possibly get anyone pregnant struck due to being struck by lightning twice.

Of course. What in the ever-loven shit? Well you see my cum got cooked real good that time so I'm pretty sure I'm fertile. It turned into a solid block you see as soon as like sand when it's hit by lightning. My cum just turned into a solid block. Ryan asked

me. Who do you Merry Christmas, Leah? And you know what? The rest of it is a very nice part about how much he likes the show, but we've spent too much time already. Shane Pan wishes and Caviar Dreams, gentlemen. Lee H. from Kalamazoo, Michigan. Thank you, Lee. Yes, thank you. Please just email back what stadium style could possibly

mean. I would just really like because it seems you know. I don't. Right. I mean, you used it like four or five times in that letter. That's a pretty confident usage of a word. I'm telling you, it's like, if Bowser had an arena

that he had floating in the sky next to his pirate ships and stuff like that. That's exactly what this is. But it's funnier to think about it. Thank you, Lee. So I know we have one more letter. I will say two things really quickly. Kids growing up in

school, one kid told me one time, he was a dudler, he liked to draw a lot. He was actually kind of talented. He spun a huge lie. This was in the fifth grade, so you're like, what, 11 that he was in a development deal with Konami to work on a Mortal Kombat game. No, he wasn't.

And that dude, you'll be unsurprised to learn was also the fucking nudality kid. He's going to bring the code in tomorrow. Yes, bringing the code in tomorrow. And then there was another dude in high school that Chris and I both knew, who had a continued years-long

lie about his band was going to play TRL. Oh, yeah. It was going to happen. We fucking had to hear about he was getting set up to play on TRL for like, I'm not even kidding you like three years. Yeah. Like, look, much like movies, kids, when you go for your lives, go low scale.

Don't go Hollywood. That's a stadium style lies, not good, you know? His stadium style. Let me get a large pie of pepperoni, a stadium style, please. And just add it anywhere you want, dude. Just stadium style that. You wouldn't think that you wouldn't think that you would find a split pizza taco belt on a plane, but here we are, finally. I get the number seven.

Oh, yeah, stadium style. Thank you. Thank you for asking. Yeah. Ooh, that is a beautiful new suit. It's, you know, Robbins Egg Blue, stadium style, of course. Stadium style cut on the suit, which is excellent. Okay, that's chicken tenders and a big Mac and a large fry.

Would you like to stadium style that? You see, the conceit of the film is, if they ask you to stadium style, you have to say yes. It's stadium style me starring me, Christopher Lambert. Oh, wow, I can't wait to get down and try out this new double-ended dildo. crafted in the stadium style, of course. It's from our Requiem for a dream collection.

It's been 30 days. Turns out stadium style isn't very healthy. Oh, no. We have to discontinue stadium style. Morgan's Perluck Stadium style, man. Robin and Max are looking for a

two-bedder apartment somewhere close to downtown. Max wants a craftsman, but Robin, she wants it stadium-style. Other must-haves include near a martial arts tournament. Now, I know this isn't stadium style like you wanted, but we did find a really nice place that's court style that we think you're really going to love. Tennis or basket.

We're talking basket, I know, but it's cheap for a basket. It's cheap for bad. It's not in the tennis. You know, it's tennis prices for basketball size. Kids, I've got some bad news. You know, it's been a hard year. and, well, your father lost his job at the factory and the expenses of having to sell grandma's house

after she passed, you know. I just wanted to let you know that this Christmas that's going to have to be stadium style. These are just going to be sitting outside in the cold in really bad seats. You're just tailgating for Christmas. You're just sitting on your lawn. We're going to look at all the other houses.

We're just going to hang out and look at all the other houses with the nice stuff in them. Here's some of their joy and eating. We'll share that together as a family. Coming this December to the Hallmark Channel, a stadium-style Christmas. I would love it. All right. I'll do the last one here.

Okay. Do it up. Okay. Not for teacher. After listening to your episode on Urban Legend, hearing you talk about Robert England's questionable teaching methods reminded me of an old teacher. In 93 to 94, one teacher. went down into the basement near the boiler room and had the, oh, no, wait, sorry.

Frederick Krueger for a second. In 93-94, I was in 10th grade and had a very unusual English teacher who I'll call Mr. Murphy in case the feds are listening. In his class, we had two activities that counted towards our grade, reading and writing. Pretty solid things to count for in English class. At 10th grade, yeah, it's a little basic, but hey. the reading grade was determined by how many books we read each quarter these could be any

books of our own choosing. Maybe. That would be a way to get around this. That's a loophole error. I think you might be... That's all the books I read in 10th grade. Five books got you an A. Four books got you a B and so on. Wow. That's easiest shit.

God damn. Can I get this? Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. When when the hell was the last time I read five books in a year? That sounds fantastic. I was in college and forced to do it, man. I'm lucky if I get through like two a year, honestly. Two maybe.

At the end of each quarter, he would individually meet each student in the hallway, have us put our hand on a Bible and ask us, how many books did you read this quarter? Come on. Oh, man. This was a public

school, by the way. Mr. Murphy. This must be like where the X-Men only come out or something to be doing this. Well, this guy's clearly given up on life. Like, I don't know what else we're going to find out. But this guy, just this already, I'm like,

oh, he's giving up on life. Is he even asking what the books are? No, it doesn't seem so for me. Maybe you want to ask them, like, reading comprehension questions. What's your favorite? You know, blah, blah, blah. What did you learn?

No, dude, you know why? Because Jesus takes care of the rest, Steve. That's a good point. just put your hand on that little Bible there and you're fucking good to go. And as far as he's concerned, if you, if you lie while you do that, I mean, you're going right to hell.

So it doesn't, no, no skin off his back. I mean, honestly. I'm sorry, kids. If you're going to get married in the church, it can't be stadium style. We can't. The priest won't perform it. You had stadium style before marriage. Oh. Oh.

For the writing grade, we had to write three essays or stories per quarter. Again, they could be about anything. The grade was determined by the number of words in each paper. What? I don't remember the exact requirements,

but more words, of course, got you a better grade. This guy's a real stadium style teacher. Yeah, oh, nothing but bigs. Yeah, throw out some fucking nuts in the middle of an essay. He didn't read what, he didn't read what we wrote. he counted the number of words in our paper

and returned them with the total end of grade at the top. Jesus. Again, where was this? This is fucking nice. These kids haven't fucking made. I have always been a huge nerd and generally worked hard in school, but I wasn't above taking shortcuts.

I quickly realized that I could save myself effort by turning in pages of rambling nonsense as long as it had the right number of words. You've got to go full shining and just say, I'll work and no play makes Jack a dull boy fucking a stack of that. Hey, and it would have worked because this person writing in is named Jacqueline.

There you go. A little bit of nice, a nice raff, you know, a nice stadium-style ref. I mean, you could get an easy A by just reading the Green Mile in the original way, just like in those like 150 page books that they put out in increments. That'd be easy as hell. our time in class was supposed to be spent quietly

doing these reading and writing activities on our own sometimes Mr. Murphy would leave the room for several minutes at a time probably for a cigarette I imagine

and us students would start debating whether he was on drugs or just crazy oh wow this dude is just a he's a babysitter basically

that's all this is yeah this smells of secret alcoholic you know what I mean you're just kind of going out for a nip You want everybody to be quiet when you come back.

Yeah, no, we're going to turn the lights out now. I thought there's just going to be like dangerous minds. But it's nothing like that. I'm not Michelle Pfeiffer at all. These minds aren't dangerous at all. You know, I'll say, though, regardless of what his reasoning is for this man, this teacher, this fucking educator, okay, who's entrusted with what he's entrusted with,

is doing a real fucking stadium-style job. Yeah, absolutely. You know what I mean? I mean, you know, many times Mr. Murphy dropped any pretense of having us do actual work. And he would wheel in a TV from the AV room and just show us movies or TV shows that he likes. This guy rules. I choose my opinion. This guy's great.

Yeah. This is fantastic. I remember watching fire in the sky. That is a terrifying movie. Not a movie to be watching with kids. I saw it as a child and that's a scary film. It's really scary movie. It's probing everybody.

Yep. Uh, the fugitive. Good. That's a nice. Okay. Several episodes of The Critic and Stephen Sadek's show, Herman's name. Wow. Mr. Murphy sounds like a cool hang. Wait, Steve, are you Mr. Murphy?

I am not Mr. Murphy. Oh, got it. Okay. That's a stadium style size release. Steve is 75 years young. Uh, so, yeah, 93. Meanwhile, my friends who had other English teachers were studying Shakespeare plays and doing actual homework.

if Mr. Murphy had been very young, I might think that he was just new and an experience and wanted to be the cool teacher who was everyone's friend, but he was at least middle-aged. Looking back, I wonder if he was a con artist who killed the real Mr. Murphy. It took over his identity.

Yeah, I can find English class. Yeah, I think that's works as he went along. But at least I ended up with an A in the class, so I guess I can't complain. Have any of you had a teacher who had strange teaching methods or was just bat-shick crazy Jacqueline

No, the only time somebody was like, hey man, don't worry about your grade, whatever you do in this test doesn't count against your grade. So I was like, hey, cool, that's awesome. I'm going to not take the standardized test seriously. And then I had to wind up

in special computers because they didn't think I knew how to read because that's what they were testing and I didn't take it seriously. Oh, yikes, dude. Yeah, that was something. Your honor. Yeah. So there's that. That's my story.

I never had creative grading in that way. I had a teacher, like, just flat out help kids cheat during a final exam. Like, she, it was a language exam. And, like, she would walk in between, like, the way they did it, at least for this particular test, is she would walk up and down the aisles. And it was, or, like, she would just say the, like, a question in the language. I was taking Russian at the time and like

she would very clearly be like the answers are A B C Yes he definitely did do that I was shocked I was like oh it's just this easy Why aren't they all doing this? That was awesome

I got a story of the opposite I had a math teacher and this is probably why I literally can't do math to this day I was I asked him for help and he said no I was like I need some help explaining this one I think once I know this one I can like get the rest of them

he just turned to me and said but that's the easiest one so no Jesus what an asshole yeah dude in in fourth grade my teacher was very flirtatious with one of the fifth grade teachers

and they would like literally like canoodle out like, you know, on the playground and she was like a kind of like a Mrs. Kravapa, like she would literally just like smoke just outside. Can I ask you about this canoodling? Yeah, it was just a lot of like, you know, was it stadium style? It was definitely stadium style.

Like, you know, she would laugh and like put her like hand on his arm kind of stuff. The handling or you wish for the handling. Absolutely dude. And like all the kids talked about it. Like everybody was, you know, most people were aware of it. You know, people in my circles anyway. I certainly spread the word, you

well that is that's all the letters folks that's i think that's the mailbag for this evening i think so too yeah totally um but you uh don't have to stop seeing this here because the fall tour is kicking off we will be in toronto this thursday talking saw four uh and then we're off for about a week and a half and then we will see y'all in denver coming out to denver Colorado talking war games on 1114 the very next night in Salt Lake City SLC herself we're talking fatal attraction and then rounding out the fall dates

Universal Soldier in Phoenix Arizona folks we are hitting the southwest and some mountain areas for the first time it's going to be a lot of fun head over to WHM Podcast.com for ticket information and we'll see y'all in just a few short days in Toronto but that's it for this mailbag. Have a good night everybody i'm andrew jupin stephen sadak eric cisco chris cabbin take it easy bye-bye folks

That was a hate gum podcast.