We Hate Movies - S14 Ep694: Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace REDUX

Episode Date: September 5, 2023

On the season 14 premiere of We Hate Movies, VHS Trailer Game champion, Eric Szyszka demands the guys go back and re-do an episode on the much maligned (and unfairly so?) prequel that started it all, Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace! How on Earth did the producers let Lucas get away with these abhorrent Trade Federation characters? What was with the awful Gungan speech pattern? Why did they have to make Anakin the product of Immaculate Conception? And wasn’t this movie better with the puppet Yoda? PLUS: Cliegg Lars contracts a nasty Hutt STD!  Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace stars Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Jake Lloyd, Ian McDiarmid, Hugh Quarshie, Anthony Daniels, Kenny Baker, Frank Oz, Terence Stamp, Ray Park, Oliver Ford Davies, Brian Blessed, and Ahmed Best as Jar Jar Binks; directed by George Lucas.  Want more WHM? Join our Patreon fam today and instantly unlock hours and hours of exclusive bonus content, including Ad-Free WHM Prime at the $8 level and up! Be sure to get in early and get your tickets for the WHM Holiday Extravaganza where we’re talking The Santa Clause! Check out the WHM Merch Store featuring new Polish Decoy, Jack Kirby, and Forrest the Universal Soldier designs!

This week on the program, it's a movie about a wizard who wins a child through gambling. It's Star Wars. Episode 1, The Phantom Menace. I'm Darth Maldrew. I am the Phantom Menace, Stevenson. Sitts Siska. A quigon cabin. And the 14th season of We Hate Movies starts right now. Hello, everyone. program welcome back to the show as it were you're welcome i am back i know you guys are very happy that the champion you were right such a bastard in negotiations after that win it was just in a

fucking room with this piece of shit dude the salary dispute okay opening opening crawl for everyone at home the the vHS trailer game is in dispute you know what more fascinating the ins and outs of then fucking federation trade routes or whatever yeah We're doing a little Cuba riff here, I guess. We have spaceships blockading Eric's next win. They have already been in place. That might be. I see you're already eyeing the belt.

Look, the cabin federation and our viceroys who are not problematic at all. I mean, you know, we'll be taking care of this. What were they trading? I imagine like going out was a lot of like silk and stuff because you know, all the textile factories there on Nabu and also a little bit of Gungan meat. you know, totally. Just like all those some of that gung you got that gung

but like you don't know that it's gung and me though it's called like fun chuck and you've got to get like private Jedi chefs to make it like you can't just be selling that shit in a restaurant because here's the thing dude like you gotta cut that just so because it's like poison poison poison and then meat

right in the middle like the blowfish on this which I just watched yesterday I feel oh dude you can make a fucking meal of that boss nasty oh dude You're illustrating some of the problems with this movie right off the bat is I would love to know

what that trade shit is about and I would also one of the major problems with the movie we'll get into it more thoroughly soon enough but the whole like conquest of Nabu and it's like my pay more are suffering and it's like show me

there's no one on this planet it's empty it's totally empty it's even worse than like a lot of those bases that you see in the original movies like this had a real budget show me like and if it's empty

do they move of the concentration camps? If so, show me. I understand your problems here, but look, you're only going to see white people suffering in this movie. I would love to. That's going to be most of it. And then some of them are going to be little like chipper droids like, and that's it. Yes. We do have white slavery, which is nice. Also, yeah, I suppose. I didn't know there was still slaves in the galaxy. Aren't you the queen of a planet? And also, lady, when you're sitting in a room with two slaves, keep that shit. Talk to Quigon later and have the...

Don't... Now is not the time for your history lesson about... So, you guys are slaves, huh? Exactly. That was one. It's an awkward situation. Wow, there's still slaves.

And that's what you are. And you do? I give credit that he knows what a slave is at this point. That he was at least educated to that point. Well, you're a child slave and I'm a little girl that got elected queen, which I looked it up.

elected princess before being elected queen? Oh, dude, swept the princies. She sure did. Wait a second. So you could theoretically be elected princess but then lose the queen elections. I guess stupid planet. I think it's a pageant type of thing. So to contextualize a John Bonae Ramsey

would have lost the queenhood. Well, yeah, because she's dead. She did. Yeah. Hey, Eric, before we get going. Is that rotten brother, by the way? Oh, it definitely. Oh, really? You think so. It was the brother and the parents covered it up. Fan theory? Fan theory?

Because I guess why lose both kids, right? I guess that's why you covered up. I mean, didn't you read Steve's book about it? It was fantastic. I spent the break resting. The winter of murder? It's a phenomenal book there, Stephen. Was it in the winter that the blood hit the snow?

I strongly recommend the documentary. It's like a doc hybrid called casting Jean Bonnet. Yes. You'll learn all about it. That's really a brother. But here we go. So before we get too into, we got to listen to the cameo. And I'm going to say, listen, because, like, I saw the frame.

We can, we can watch it after the fact. We don't need to be getting up in the studio here. And, of course, we'll post it on the line. Oh, I've watched it 15 times. Yes, we'll be coming to our YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash we hate movies. I should say for, we should say for new listeners. This is a, we do the VHS trailer game every season now. And the winner gets a free cameo.

Who's the winner? Eric Siska won this last season third. And how many times? times as you won? One. And how many times have I won? You've won twice. Oh, that's interesting.

It's interesting. Wait, how many times have I? Oh, never mind. There's always time. So the VHS trailer game will begin later this month. Again, for season 14. It's going to be exciting. We'll figure out a new wrinkle.

And of course, one of the prizes of this was not just the cameo, but to redo an old episode. That's right. Which is this, which Eric chose the Phantom Menace to redo. We did this episode, February, 2007, 2012. 2012. It has been a long time.

2012, so let's see. February 2012, none of us were married yet. Way different president in the White House. Well, actually, no, now it's actually kind of just the same, but worse, a worse version of but not as bad as well. Anyway,

it was a long time ago. We're talking 11 years ago. That is insane. I never thought I'd live to this day. And also Chris Cabin was not on that episode? It was not on that episode. We were doing three guys and here's a little how the sauces we were doing three guys making sausage. That's right. We could only do three person episodes because we couldn't afford a fourth microphone. Yeah, that's true. So thank you, by the way, for your Patreon contributions. We should mention this in the first episode. If you're

confused on Patreon in your feed, you're receiving this episode ad free. We are doing advertisement free Patreon episodes of the main feed. Yep. The main episodes. WHM Prime, we say. That's right. WHM Prime, now on Patreon, advertisement free. So if you got this in your Patreon feed on your podcatcher, that means you subscribe at the $8 level or up,

and we very much appreciate it. Yes, and if you'd like to add free experience, visit patreon.com slash we hate movies, and thank you. All right, so you're ready? Can we get back to the taxes, please? Yes. No, we've got to listen to the fucking cameo first. Yes, which is, this is a tax right off this cameo that we're doing, so thank you for mentioning that.

All right, you're ready? You're ready? Here we go. I'm so excited. Uh, all right. Congrats to Herrick on winning the movie trivia this year on the podcast. The odds were against you, but you prevailed because good exists. Yes. Steve, I'm sorry, but your evil empire has fallen. Chris, you're a cheat.

And Andrew, you'll get him next time. That was Billy D. Williams phoning in onto this episode from Cloud City, apparently. Dude, yeah, he was outside in Cloud City. He's got Luke Skywalker his hands on top of the Millennium Falcon.

He's picking him up at the end of Empire here. Usually I like to stay inside while making these halls. But today, I wanted to smell the clouds. Hey, Chewbock, one more time around Bespin, I just got to make a few more cameos real quick. it was a blustery day at the D. Williams compound. I'll tell you what.

How else am I supposed to get your wookie food? Okay. I got to make the money to get the wookie food. Congratulations on winning your pod race. It is kind of a pod race. But you know, Billy D. Williams, national treasure. Very, very happy that he was on there. And I don't know, he's kind of a hero to me. And also the star of our second episode ever, number one with a bull. I mean, he is really a reason if, if Rise of Skywalker has one and a half stars, if he's the one, he's the one. And then the half is everything else. I kind of think he's probably just the one and the half.

Yeah, it's probably about it. I mean, because like, Carrie Russell don't even take off that helmet. So what do I got to look at? No. All the space horses on the wing of the space. Oh, stupid. I'm sorry. I think, and again, like, you know, we lasted this one in 2012.

I mean, Lucas had not yet sold Star Wars to Disney. Star Wars has changed dramatically. Yes. You don't say. Talking about Bent to Venice. Yes. And I do think that Rise of Skywalker is now the worst Star Wars movies. Period.

End of the sentence. It's the worst Star Wars movie. I wouldn't say, yeah, I probably. It's that and Attack of the Clones neck and neck for me. The more I watch this one, though, the more I start to like it. And it's, you don't have to. Can you pinpoint why that is? Because I can't.

I feel sort of the same way. And my only theory is because modern televised Star Wars has become so grim. That's true. That's true. I guess basically I'm comparing it to the rest of the prequels in a way. And I just feel like the sound is incredible in this movie. Just Ben Burt, just knocking it out of the park yet again. And the pod race, I do think, is very cool visually.

I don't really like the CG characters I don't think they really necessarily hold up so well I don't know why we needed every single one of those pod racers to be a CGI guy guy in a suit. They all look like talking pieces of candy. Yes. Dude, they all look like they got flushed down the toilet at Monsters Inc. The one guy who can't fucking

start his pod race looks like an escapee from Tim Burton's notebook. I'm like, get that guy back in there. But then John Williams is killing it in this movie more than any other prequel. I dole the faiths incredible song. Great fight sequence with Darth Mall. And this is back when

when you first saw this movie in the theater, you're like Darth Mall is dead, which would be great. And that's how it should be. I mean, how the fuck is the allow? But there is a finality to this movie. It feels a complete movie. You have and in a way, it kind of feels like a Star Wars a New Hope in a way, right? It's like a young boy on Tatooine. It's taken by a space wizard

to a dazzling space adventure. Careful some fucking psycho on letterbox is going to yell at you. Just beware. The same wizard. The same exact fucking wizard. Well, no, it's a wizard's wizard. It's the wizard's, but the wizard is there. But at the end, it's the wizard. I like to think of myself more as a wizard's wizard. And then the young boy is strong enough in the force to

pilot a starfighter to destroy a massive space station. But to what I was trying to say is like, it feels like a contained movie all around. You did not need a sequel necessarily. This could have just been in. You could have just done it. I think you're all nail, you're nailing the things about

the writing about how it's good. the writing is good. I think on a, like... Okay, Steve, yes. The writing isn't great, but compared to the rest of the prequel... The show is called, we hate movies.

Oh, no, I just checked my notebook. Well, go back to 2012 to say, for me to say, it's a complete irredeemable piece of shit. Yes, screaming. I mean, but the thing is, it's just, like, visually, and, like, I have not really moved much

on this movie. It's a little better, and the reason it's a little better than I remember is because it's better made than everything I see now. Yeah, I know it is. All the stuff that's been made looks like shit. Because they took time to make the one movie.

They weren't concentrating all their efforts on churning out four television shows within two years of each other. But to that point, they rushed number two and number three. Well, because, I mean, Lucas started production on this like, like, 93 or 94 or something like that. You started writing in 93. Yeah, and like production like 95 or whatever got it out in 99 or whatever the number is. A lot of years went into the craftsmanship of this movie, which I do think. does bear out. I do want to also mention none of us have relistened to the

original episode. No, I can't do that shit. I can't. Oh, I don't listen to the Wii A movies. I'm glad you guys enjoy it. I'd rather, it's not like my wife. I'd rather We are married, Steve. Yes. I'd rather spend the episode repeating things I might have said than worrying that I'm going to

repeat something that I might have said. That's right. Yeah. So then I have no idea what I, if something sounds similar, blah, blah, blah. It is what But also like some arguments may stay the same. Sure. Sure. That's going to happen. Racial it's pretty dicey. As in 2012, as it was

in 1999. Still pretty bad. I got to say. I got to tell you, so these fucking trade federation vice ruse dudes, these are who we meet immediately after the crawl. And the fact that every single one of them has a variation on some sort of othered

accent. Yeah. And only that. You just don't have a guy who's like, yeah, I'm a trade federation vice room. Yeah, but I'm going to name one of them Newt Gunray, which is a clever playoff of Newt Gingrich and Ronald Reagan. Oh, so it makes it okay.

That's awful. And I mean, like George, I know you grew up in the fucking 40s or whatever. This is all, you know, Saturday morning cereal. You got your food man chew. Yeah. Not everything needs to be, you know what I mean? You don't need to take everything from the cereals

and put them in the movie. And you know, it's kind of cool. thing of the Fumanchu's stereotype I rewatched Flash Gordon over the summer and that's what Max von Saito is doing but ain't no accent like there's nothing's going on with the eyes

it's just like it's the long beard it's the long fingernails it's the imposing whatever else but there's no like actual racializing of it so it's still kind of so it's kind of a cooler idea I mean it sounds like you guys just hate celebrating other cultures

is what it sounds like to me is that you don't like to, you know, hear other sounds. Well, here's the biggest thing. And I haven't checked, but I would put money on it. Who is the dude doing those voices? What does that guy look like? Uncredited, I'm sure. Oh, you know, it's hard to even check with Star Wars.

I was just about to try to look it up. Jab of the Hut is uncredited in this movie as far as who did the voice. But did you see? I'll bring this up now because it doesn't. It's nothing. in the credits like the scroll at the end they're going through the characters I swear to God it says

Jabba the hut himself Yeah that's Lucas gets slippery with the unions yet again That's how we like that's what this whole movie is Right because if you went to like England to do a lot of this to skirt union regulations It's the only way it could have gotten made I mean who else was going to fund a new Star Wars

What I was going to say Yeah who was going to fund Star Wars indeed I was going to say, you look up, you look up any one of these characters. You're probably going to get the guy that was in the suit that had no idea what the fuck voice was going over it. Exactly. The worst of those is the whomever says we've lost the transmission, sir, like, and that trade federation gentleman has goggles on and the goggles, I'm sorry. Do nothing.

They do nothing, but they certainly have slanted eyes. Oh, I didn't notice. Honest to goodness, slanted eye goggles that you could buy in the 1980s. All the Viceroy, the staff of the Viceroy's, they do look like, you know, you don't take every centa bite that comes off the line.

Some of them have to go into the Duds pile. They took all the duds. Yeah, but remember, Nabutal, beautiful, beautiful white planet. All of white guys. And Captain Panaka. Thank you. Yes, he is there.

But there's a teeming underbelly, of some Caribbean flavor that is detrimental to the planet, apparently. Oh, look, because of that Caribbean-spiced Gungan meat? Oh, it's delicious. This is amazing. Gungan legs are amazing. I would eat Gungan, honestly. You look at Jargings. Oh, my lord.

Some drawn butter with this fellow. He looks like imitation crab meat walks around. They're kind of too cut, though. You know, I feel like that meat wouldn't be. You want that boss nass? The boss nass ribs. Because it's on YouTube. fatten you up first. I like a

lean meat. I don't want no gristle off my boss nass, you know. Maybe if you just... That dude's all gristle. If you just find like the flamen yong of his, you know, I don't know, his taint, I guess. You know, because I imagine that's working overtime. Wait, so it's a Gungan

grundle. That's a... Yes, yes. A medium rare. Gungan grundle. It's like plank stick. Yeah, we got the... the vice roy's we're just ruining a totally great brand of cigarettes there. So, yeah, these fellas have been up to no good, making trouble in the neighborhood. Charging taxes to use the trade routes, I think, is the idea.

And then now they've created a blockade around Nebou, stopping them from trading what? And trading what? Yeah. I think drugs. Yeah. Like, let's just say spice. I would love it. Yeah.

The drug trade was in dispute or something. The space CIA, aka Jedi, have to go and fucking free a bunch of gungens scratching themselves. I need it And we Councillor Valorum The Great Terrence step Was three and a half lines In this movie

Dude I remembered him Being in this movie A little more Me too Is he in two at all He hated working on this movie He never worked out of it Oh that was it

Okay I couldn't remember And he I guess he had no confidence We have no confidence On Councillor Valorum What is that voice That she's doing

When she puts on the Padma Queen boys, what is it? I know. I don't understand some of these decisions. Also, on a script level, I don't understand some of these decisions. Like, when she's undercover as one of her own handmaidens, she goes by the name of the queen. I'm Padmaid, the handmaiden, but then she's Queen Padmaid. Shouldn't she be a fake name?

I mean, I get it, dude, but maybe it's like Sarah over there. You know what I mean? Right, okay. Do you think when... Everybody's named Padmay? Yeah. I don't know. Why not?

Curia Knightley and Natalie and Natalie Portman get together for dreams like, oh hi, Kira, how are you? Oh, pretty good, Natalie. What are you up to like that? It's like she got elected with that voice and she thinks she still has to keep going with.

It's like when Hillary Clinton would talk to Southern people and she'd fucking turn that accent on, just like that kind of code switching shit. Right, it's to appeal to the Southern Naboo. That's everyone talking like that down there. Oh my God. Moby did it to you too.

Oh, no, poor Kira. Oh, no. Well, to be fair, yes, this movie was, I think, Natalie Portman was way too young to be dating Moby. And then she went on to never date Moby ever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. David Bowie updates. Natalie Portman has never actually seen the Phantom Menace.

Good for her. Smart lady. So to negotiate the trade route situation here, we are being sent two Jedi to oversee it what's funny I think the opening

cross says two Jedi nights but it's only one yeah it's only one yeah because later on Obi one becomes a Jedi night

I mean come we all know he's becoming a Jedi night you could have just said Jedi

it would be fine can I get can I have council of Valorum for Master Yoda please yes hi I asked for

specifically for two Jedi Knights and I've heard of a pad. I saw that haircut. I saw the haircut. You find me a Jedi Knight that actually has that disgusting rat tail, which is in full fucking force from shot one of you in this movie. It's kind of fun. You can tell the reshoots or not a reshoots or later shooting. I don't know what this probably took three years to shoot. There's sometimes most of the movie it's a fun chop top with the tail. Sometimes it's like a full-blown like blow-dried Patrick Duffy looking thing that he's

not going on. Yes, it becomes sort of like wallish in the front depending. And also I think the height of like where on the back of his head the rat tail is tied kind of changes. Different planets have different gravity. I see. Different haircuts to happen. Yeah. And you know what? You get up every morning. You're a new person and you can put it on in new ways. You can put it in tied any way you like. I got to tell you, uh, you know, we only have him here. And I guess he's a, he's a force ghost. I think in one of them. prequels and then of course he's a force ghost at the end of Canobe

I genuinely but it's not a force ghost at anything but Only Canobey oh he wasn't in He's just burnt up and that's it Yes I couldn't right I didn't watch all of the Prequel yeah I didn't either But the theory is that his crime He died with his you know sin on his body

Yeah so he went to hell exactly Like he went to Jedi hell because of his not freeing Sheeb Skywalker Schmey but I hear Schmeagle yeah sorry I think Liam Neeson has Quigangin fucking rules. I think it's a really good character. I like it. The two

of them are really fun to watch together. I really, I think that they have a nice rapport. I don't think that they, and actually a big part of the problem of the middle of this soggy ass movie is fucking, you and McGregor is just sitting on that ship doing jack all nothing. It's weird when you were reminded that

through that entire going in you know, to the Moss Espa area all of the shit with the Padres he's just back out at the ranch fixing the ship it's crazy but he's doing something quagon told them make sure they don't send any fucking broadcasts don't let them call their friends

because we are wanted men but Darth Mall fucking figures it out anyway that's right yes through I guess probes and whatnot probes and being Darth Mall and stuff I think it's a thing where it's like he's able to tell like the planet that they're on but that's as far as it goes

right do you see since we don't really explain who he is he can do anything really I mean you could just throw you know what he could turn into a duck we didn't really bring it up in the movie but he can just turn into a duck do duck mall oh he could survive with half his body don't worry about that I mean honestly

what were we doing the fact that we carried on with that instead of another Darth Mall look guy that's from fucking planet Darth Malia yeah what are those Darth Malian's up to there's a whole planet of those freaks like like who fucking cares I mean just have Christopher

leave you more than. I'm excuse me. I have this notarized note that I made back in 1996 saying Darth Mall plus sign Spidey Legs. So this was always going to happen, you stupid bastards. You know, George Lucas wrote this character to die. I mean, he wrote Boba Fett to die, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. That they resurrect because of fan reactions to loving them so much. It's like, it's cooler to kill them. Less is more. This is where I was waiting. confused though because when he comes back in what is that at the end of solo you see at the end of solo yes it's just a weird thing

because like you know for me I didn't care about that character really you know so I was like but it was a weirdly comes back and I was like you kids gave a shit that much that it forced these creators to give this clearly dead man spider legs I remember like growing

through the prequels when they came out in theaters thinking like they should have kept him alive so that Anna can could defeat him towards the end right you killed you killed the you know the dude who brought me into this but then again I guess that's me trying to make it the OT where it's like you know you want Vader throughout those movies

because that's an interesting thing to look at but at least like I mean they really do put effort into making up the the legend and the lore of Darth Vader is hinted at and given some breath there Darth Ma like maybe if they gave him they give him nothing as far as a character

goes but even if they had given him like one more fight where he absolutely decimates some like random Jedi that he had to hunt down. Then I might be okay with it. But they fucking, if you remember the trailers, it was like, oh, I'm seeing the Darth Mall movie. Yeah, oh, absolutely.

The Darth Ball movie featuring the Phantom Menace. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, because I think, like, for a non-fan, like, I think when, if you say Star Wars to them, before these bequels came out, all the other stuff. But, like, just it was OT and nothing else. I think if you said, like, Star Wars, the first thing that pops under your mind is an image of Darth Vader.

Yeah. Right. probably is. So I think that's what they were trying to go for with that. But then you realize like the movie, like the way Darth Mall is presented and the way in which he's dispatched and like his whole run in this movie, he's kind of like

the heavy in a Bond movie. He's the number two. But the weird thing is there isn't a number one because, you know, he's a fake a minute. Calphantine is still fucking hiding out. So then it's like, but then you start thinking like, oh weird, this prequel trilogy is still

totally dominated by Darth Vader. He's just a little kid and then a teenager, but it's still him there. The presence of Vader and the anticipation of becoming Vader is all over those three movies. And I think that but to your point, Chris, I do think that we do want to see, I want a scene of like Darth Mall being, for lack of a better word, medicine to some other, like one more scene of that and very specifically, I think this movie plays a lot better if these

shitty robot droid soldiers had a scene where they were competent, even a little bit. Because you think with the stormtroopers, there's the first opening scene of a new hope. They're shooting those dudes down. They are.

They mow down the rebels. They capture the rebels. And then they capture Princess Leia. And they're like dudes in suits. They have like deep commanding voices. Like if you're a little kid, they're kind of scary. Yeah. These things you could fucking fart and they fall down. Instead, they're supposed to be fun, I guess, for children.

I guess the idea is like this technology is new. It's shitty. But then you have the droid decas who are droids with shields and it's zero personality and it's just boring. What is? Because I don't know what that. I've watched this movie 40 times. You know, I'll probably call it eight. I think eight to ten.

You exaggerated it all the way to 40. I've seen about 10 times I never know what that word is because of that of the Vice Roy accent Sure I this is it a droid decal Are we dropping our ours maybe I'll tell you right now dude

Today was the first time And only time I have watched this movie With subtitles on Oh good And today was the first day where I was like Oh that's not just like A weird racist inflection That they gave these characters

When they tried to save droids they mean a different thing. I had no idea. But like, I don't even, like, I did the same thing. I had the subtitles on and when you see how it's Deccar. It's D. It's D. It's droid E K-A-S. Oh, Droid E-K-K-A-S. Yeah, I wrote it down at some point.

I don't know. Droid Dachars. You know, I think it doesn't really matter. Oh, here. It's a Star Wars word. You were right. Droid E-K-A-S. Yes. Which at that point, sounds like J-D-A-K-S.

That's gibberish. It means nothing. Sure. Like, there's no. Like everything. You can't, like, a droid, you know what a droid. You can kind of put it together. But the, why not just call it a droidy car?

Like, if you're going to go that far and gibberish word, like, I was just like, what, why add it? Like, it's just another kind of droid. Gosh, do you want to go to the Darth mall in my droidy car? There you go. But it makes more sense to me. We're driving to the mall in my droidy car. Well, but the, the Jedi's make very quick work of the silly droids. Like, oh, get the real ones.

it's like the penguin Oh shit I got the cute one That's what these guys are They're the cute one Before we get too ahead Great two moments It's just trying to gas the Jedi The Death

Also let that go for a little bit Mr. We can't hold that long You just instantly open it up And you ventilate the place But that's a badass shot though Of all the like battle droids Are looking at the smoke-filled room And the gas filled room

And the lightsabers light up Before you see them And then they walk through it badass shot. I'm going to be calling out shit that works for me in this movie. That was one of those shots. Quigon stabbing the door was kind of cool. He's trying to jam that fucking thing in the door. And then they close all the other doors.

And he's like, oh, all right, I'm just going to have the shove it ain't harder. And he's like, I put my fucking back into it. Fucking Obi-Wan's like, master, there's droidicas or whatever. And he's like, oh, fuck. And he's got to pull it back. I'm like, god damn. And it's stuck. You and McGregor calls them destroyers. Much better

droid destroyers. Very cool idea. I don't know what a droidica is. Droid Destroyer is a great name for like a fucking sludge metal band or something. I'm sure they're out there. But yeah, they're the, oh, do you want the ones that are dumb or the ones that work? Oh, actually get the ones that

work. Release the Three Stooges Battalion. Oh, they were instantly decimated. All right, send the real guys. I mean, you're going to kill me either way, but it is going to cost you an extra 100,000 credit to put a unit to put the little shield on the funny guys.

rather than the droid cars. What are they? What are these things? What are you calling them this week? All right. Droid Dick has. We also have a Zoom from Palpatine saying like kill them and begin begin the invasion. I'll make it legal, which by the way, in 1999.

And, you know, I was more into Star Wars than than than I am now, which is not that surprising. So many people, so many people out there were just like, well, I don't know. Darth Sidious is Palpatine. I don't know. It's like, are you fucking blind? I remember the kitchen table, like talking my whole family through it. I'm like, listen, Palpatine, that's what his name is. Emperor Palpatine is Senator Palpatine.

And it's the same goddamn actor, Ian McDarman. I'm sorry. I'm that guy. People were trying to, that's the thing is like they were trying, Star Wars is best when there's mystery to. And they were trying to hold on to that, but you can't anymore. But that's, so that's what I was kind of wondering about. Because in 1999, I just, I was not giving a shit about Star Wars.

You weren't reading Star Wars Insider magazine at all? Twas not. I was still hiding in the closet loving Star Trek. And only like vaguely just aware of having seen the OT and that was it. And I didn't see this one in theaters. And I think honestly, the only reason I saw the other two prequels in theaters was because we were working at the multiplex at the time. I skipped school to see this. You used to be very famously anti-Star Wars.

Yeah, when I met you all the way back then. It never jelled with me until I got older. Like, I was aware of it, and I had seen those movies on tape, and it was like, all right. And I went to Jedi special edition re-release in theaters, but that was, but that was it. And so, like, when I finally saw this, I was like, all right, but so in 99, were they legitimately thinking they had fooled people or what was going on? I don't know. I don't even know if the movie, I think the movie. They know.

I think they know. Oh, you do? You think they're trying to trick you? Because why else would you have his, he's not facing the camera at all, or it's like the very slim profile? He's wearing the hood. It's just like, what are we doing?

If you weren't trying to do that, he would have the hood off on Maine. I think he's trying to have it both ways. I think he clearly did because some people didn't know. And I think that like, you know, the people that know you could see everything. And like, you know, the last shot where it's just like,

we ought to be watching your career with quiet interest. You're like, oh, fuck. I also think, oh, that's a nice little, I like that nice older man. When they were making the movie, I think there was also this idea of like, this is going to be someone's first Star Wars. Sure. This is all Star Wars is going to be to them. They don't necessarily know what an emperor Palpatine is.

Well, by the end of person was only a baby. What if everything was just for babies? Well, that's what they're doing now on Disney Plus. That's what I keep hearing. We're getting there. The baby singularity. I just do the top of tubby. Not Andy Circus saying he can't swim, man.

That's not for babies. That's for adults. Oh, yeah. Andor, excellent. Still the best Star Wars show, I feel, is, is Andor. Almost certain. Oh, the thing with, when fucking Palpatine zooms in there, what is with the only time I've seen a viewfinder like this in Star Wars where it's like the liquid screen that comes up? And he's not just like a hologram.

We are just trying to do as much visually interesting stuff, which makes sense. But at the same time, I never sat perfectly well with me. And I understand the idea behind it of, like, technology getting worse. Sure. But can it really fall off that much? I know the idea of a tyrannical government taking away all the resources to start building super weapons, sure, there'll be a drop-off in quality of technology.

But in the prequel, so many alien races, so many interesting devices. vices ships and the whole thing Detroit because of destroyers or whatever you want to call them I don't know maybe a few of them on a ship an imperial ship might be helpful yeah exactly you don't have to send all your stormtroopers there by the way speaking of the Zoom

technology there's a great part I'll talk about it here so don't forget about it at the end towards the end when you know the Phantom Menace is just the I'm sorry the dual the fate is just about to start when like it's it's the final transmission between

Cidius and the vice Roy's and he's like, wipe them out, all of them. Yeah. They have him on, it's a walk and talk for no reason. And they have him on a weird spider machine. You know he's going to be, what do you have me on? What am I on here now? I'm going to throw up.

I'm going to get me off the turtle droid. Oh yeah. So you thought I wasn't thinking about it, huh? You don't, you didn't think I thought about it, you pieces of shit. Why am I, my voice sounds weird. Am I on a spider right now? Do you have me on the spider? Dude, but the funniest part is they don't reveal what's going on until well into the walk-and-talk.

So you're looking at this hologram and it's like dancing and you're like, what is going on? And only finally does, like, Lucas cut back and you're like, oh, it's on a weird turtle thing that's walking down the hallway. It's not a full spider. It is a turtle. It's moving more awkwardly. Dude, it is a real fucking Flintstone's TV stand. It's a living. It's like Aaron Sorkin directing a Darth Mall scene.

I just don't understand. They should have some loose leaf paper to pass around. Some, like, pippy jokes, something about the HSS Pinafore. That's right. So, you know, so these fucking trade federation dudes are like, all right, we are going to land, you know, our battle droid army on Nibu, fuck these people. Let's get it on. Yes. And so Quigon and Obi-Wan stow away.

Sorry, Steve. You were right about one thing, man. The negotiations were short. Oh, dude. He does such a good like Alec Guinness Light. Yep. It's perfect. It's so perfect. It's always been perfect.

It was perfect on Kenobi. Dude rules as this character. Shut the fuck up, Obi-Wan. Let's go. Yes, I get it. You're very funny. Jedi nights aren't funny usually, but let's go. Fookin hilarious. You're fucking idiot. That's why you still a Padua on your 29,

you goddamn years old. What else on your class as a Jedi knight? Better keep the mouth shut. I've got a special set of skills and shoving your jokes back up your own arse. Do you think that's going to impress the Jedi master that's just a clump of hair? Oh, try that shit with Master Yoda.

You just try that shit. So this is the other thing I just popped into my head and I don't want to forget it. But another dumb dropped, it's not dumb, it's dumb that it's dropped. Just as much as like we don't know what they're trading here. The whole movie, it's like Obi-Wan being like, oh, it's nice to

you finally think I'm ready for the trials, ma'am, oh, my Jedi night trials, the trials. And dude, at the end of this movie, it just cuts to yon and he's like, mm, good job at the trials. Wait a second. I feel like that is like, you give him that, he's the first Jedi

to kill a Sith in a long-ass time. Yeah, right? I mean, in a millennia, they say. I guess so, right? That's the thing is, you know, at one time, that's what the canon was. I have no idea. But hell of a historical record with these people, by the way, tracing back millennia. But that's the thing, man.

And that's like, that's the original sit of this entire situation is you don't get enough. Like, if you're doing the Jedi prequel movie thing, give me a lot more Jedi's than you're giving me. Like, the fact that we don't have an X-Men 1, welcome to the Jedi Temple. This is this room,

that's that room. And to that point, they had so much character design for that. Yes. Like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, hide nor hair of plow coon. Bob. That's his name? Who? Which guy? Let me look his name up.

Who cone head guy? But no, that's Kyle Mooney. No. Kai Eddie, I don't know what the fuck these names. I'll tell you what. We look cool and they should have actual screen. We later like we get a library in like the second and third movie.

You get like, you kind of get drips and it's only drips and drabs. This guy's in the movie. This is Flo Coon. You don't ever see him do anything. And it's just like, I don't know if you're making this fucking Jedi movie. we fucking lean into it. And do that and give me whatever the trials are. Then I have an idea of like, that's what I've been

waiting literally, you know, as I was 16 to 20 years for like a cool like Jedi movie and like that's what you're kind of setting up at the beginning with like, oh now they can really fight and stuff. But wouldn't you prefer a star sound of freedom?

You know, go and save a young boy from a terrible slave situation. It's weird because... Kitt Fisto. Oh, Kit Fisto. Kid Fisto? Yeah, it's a green guy that's a Jedi. Like that?

Like Fisto? Yeah, no, it is. There's a Y in there? No, no. I think it's a Y. Yes, no, it's actually, yes, it's like fist. And Andrew was just putting like,

illustrating what it would be like to fist and anus. Yes. So that's kind of distracting. Amy, you get a sum of sense here. I didn't make that up. Joey Lauren Adams did. Yeah, she invented fist.

Interesting moment. Interesting. The Jedi Goatsy is here. Oh Lord Goatsy Goatsy does not dispose Do you have any mince? Do you have any mince? Perhaps some bonaca

Oh, I see you've bleached your hair, Goetzy. That is when my mother turned off chasing Amy Was the fisting? The talking about fistic And she just goes right And her hand goes up And I was like, that's enough of that. Oh, excellent is the end of that movie.

Is that when she turned off Ace Ventura as well? I think so. I was probably earlier. But so they get down to the planet and this is, and I mean like, here's the thing. I don't think that's anything, like, this is not Ahmed Best's fault.

This is not Jake Lloyd's fault. No, no, no. But the character sucks. I mean, the character still is bad. I'm not going to make a website about and fucking find his address and try and fucking burn his house down. No, those people should,

those people, just for clarification, should have their own fucking house burn down. Leave that poor man. alone. He just took a job. So funny about all these, like the reaction to the prequels, there was visceral anger. Sure. There was visceral and, you know, I want to kill

on that best or whatever. You see that replicated today with the Last Jedi for, I don't know why, but this happened, these, you know, you get young boys getting worked up, too much pixie sticks or whatever. And they're out for blood because of Star Wars. And I just think it's so funny that you know that the sequel trilogy, which is now everyone's hating on, is going to be

someone's first Star Wars. And it'll be praised as equal to the prequels in 20 years. I know that sounds crazy for some people to hear. But when you were a kid loving this, a lot of people hated it. And you loved it and you still love it. And guess what Star Wars is you're going to get even worse and worse and worse? That's right. It's all everything raises every shit. There's going to be less things made by hand, which is the whole fucking thing. Like the the reason I come back to, like,

there's just the quality of this movie is better is because there is still the balance between digital and some physical stuff. That, that, when you see, when they go to Tatooine and we meet the fucking, we're told naked C3PO, it's

a puppet. Yeah. It's a puppet walking around. And for what it's worth, when this movie came out, Yoda was a puppet too. Yeah. And when you watch it on Disney Plus now that, like I did. Yes. He's a fucking CGI thing. I hate that. It twisted my, because I forgot, because again, it had been, like, you know, I didn't watch this movie

like seven years, like, there's a lot more CGI Yoda than I remember. Like, no, you're wrong because they added. Of course, Lucas likes to, he lived a fiddle with shit. I hate that. I really can't stand it. I remember the light hitting it differently. Of course, it's the fucking different. It's like, you want to update

the CGI, maybe start with attack of the clones, because I think there they were, because like, there were so many visual effects in this. They were working on this movie for years. They're kind of like trying to rush for that 2002 release of Attack of the Clones. And you have so much more CGI. Every single clone trooper

is a fake person. And it's just, you're spread too thin. I'm spread way too thin under a deadline now and the results are garbage. But so now here comes the scourge of Gung Davia.

Jar Jar Binks. And like, you know, like, yes, there was comedy in the original trilogy. And yes, C3PO and R2 were comedic relief, but they were like a riff on an upstairs downstairs like Butler bit. You know what I mean? Like that's As opposed to a guy getting hit the nuts, stepping in shit and talking about farts the entire fucking

smelling farts. He smells a space camel's fart in this movie. I think the idea was try to do something like Buster Keaton or the Tramp, you know, Charlie Chaplin. But you need a guy to do a pratfall. You can't have a computer do a pratt fall. I mean, he was, I mean, Best was doing it and they put the computer over it or whatever. Well, guess what? I guarantee it was better what a guy was doing

before. Well, here's the thing. It's not the physicality that bothers me. It's not the look of the character that bothers me. Well, they bother me a little bit. It's the absurd way that Lucas insisted on writing the Gungan speech pattern. Yes. It's obnoxious. Who is it

for? You never had fucking, I mean, aside from Yoda in the original trilogy, everyone just speaks. Well, you got an honest to goodness Exquise me at some point He says Oky day Instead of okay The excrease me is because dude

What's that? Huge Jar Jar Bings Huge fan of 90s Love that Wayne's World sketch He also loved Usa like and the juice He also loved Full House because he steals Stephanie's catchphrase of how rude

How rude How woo Dude Dude, when you're quoting an infant child. Exactly. He at some point says any help would be hot. Yeah. Which just, I don't know what that is.

I thought when he said hot, I think we're thinking the same point. I thought he was referring to Amadala. And I was like, that's fucking inappropriate. I was just lost. I mean, you said about your, the line that made you embarrassed. Captain Tarples, when he is talking to Jarja,

has, Big doo-doo. And I'm just like, I would just walk into the ocean out. I would go full dunker. Just fucking go. And again, look, there was no, you know what, dude, talk to me. I know the original trilogy pretty well. I don't think there's any shit jokes in the original trilogy.

Yeah, I don't think like, you know, when they're on a husk. I mean, actually, well, there's, you open up, it smells bad on the outside, but that's more of, I think there's a festering husk. No one steps in feces, dude. No one is on Hawth, stepping in pieces. There might be a bantha fodder line. Yeah, Bantha fodder for sure. But like, if there were ever a time. That's a bunch of bantha do-do, kid.

If there was ever a time. You look strong enough to take a shit on a Gundark. If there was ever a time to step in shit. Oh, yeah. It is when you were on the fucking forest moon of Endor. And those pantsless bears are going around dumping wherever they please. There's all these little pellets. You know what kid just don't even your boots are gone when we get back when we get back

new shoes or these are toast rule number one now that the empire is crumpled new shoes for everybody when uh when luke goes into the cave you lost your shoes today kid doesn't mean you have to like it when luke goes into the cave to confront the the the vision of vater on dagaba it should have smelled like shit it should have been yoda's bathrooms you try mean to go into his bathroom. Can you imagine, dude? Can you imagine? So, like, Luke Skywalker's walking to that fucking cave under the day, but do you imagine it? Like,

Mark Hamill just stops and goes, Pee, you! Like, what? That, because that's what's going on in this movie. To your point, it deflates every scene you're in. Yes. I'm not against comedy in this shit. Like, it needs comedy. Because you can't, I mean, folks, we're talking about Star Wars.

You can't take it to you seriously? But it's not the, to me, this is a, this just shows a certain desperation and uncertainty in your product because what kids still like the first fucking three Star Wars you know why because they're creative and it's fucking cool to look at and there's these creatures everywhere that is simple fucking you don't have to do

much more than that but you do have to do that and have confidence in it you can't just do that and be like well you know what maybe the kids are going to like it shit we need more shit that's what we need all over this movie shit here's shit everywhere oh man I just got all these reports he did some focus groups apparently the kids are really in this shit these days.

A lot of scatts we need. Guys, the focus group was coming from inside his own house. His own brain. He has, he had young children. He had softened as a dad. Plus my fucking bitch ex-wife, man.

Let's not forget that shit. He always resented her for making the timing of that first movie actually work. George, not during the press tour. Okay, George, just keep it at home. But he was softened as a person. Yes. And he had the feedback in his house. And he was such a titan.

No one's going to tell him no. Oh, wait, George Lucas's, like, kid came up with an idea. I can't say it's dog shit on this meeting. You know what? And that's the thing. He should have always been just a show. I mean, that's what he proved himself to be in the latter two movies because he only directed and wrote the first one.

I'm sure he had a lot of help on the first one too. He was a showrunner. And that's what he was. And that's what he should have been. He should have hired the right people and made his vision work through them. as opposed to be the be-all and end-all because that's what makes these movies extra stilted.

Well, what's so funny, too, is, like, I believe there were stories about how George was trying to farm it out and be like, Stephen, Ron, can someone direct this for me? Oh, no, it's your thing. It's your thing. I'm doing my own good stuff over here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Ron, yeah, this is Stephen Spiel. You know, yeah, no, yeah, no, I give him enough rope to hang himself. Don't worry about it. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, he called me too. Yeah, no, it's embarrassing. Oh, that's what I remember when you asked me to help you move, Andrew?

I was like, oh, no, I respect your stuff far too much to move it. I couldn't buy it. Oh, I just, I don't know what I would do with myself if I broke some of your possessions. I was just, you're so good at moving anyway, dude, you should move all of that by yourself. You're so, you're so great at it. If I dropped the, the cask you have with Eric von Stroheim's body in it, I would feel so stupid. And I, and I'm sorry, I have to go. make Amistad, which is

a movie I should be making for sure. Me, Steven Spielberg. I should be making that movie. So here's here is the, uh, the biggest misstep in this prequel trilogy. Quigon saves the life of Jar Jarjapings.

There's a big like fucking gleep-clops. And thus he is doomed. And this is so annoying to me because he's like, I saved his life. And as you know, your people call that a life debt. So I'm, that's Wookiee's asshole Is it every alien?

It's a thin and overused concept. Yes, totally. And that's another thing. It's like, oh, you know, man, Star Wars can be so lazy. Oh my God, these modern Star Wars are recycling concepts. Look at this fucking movie, man.

Well, I mean, it's... Holy fuck. I mean, it's strange. I guess I wonder if there is any connection. It's usually only done four white people from a creature, from a different... Another of some... I'm not sure.

There might be something to that. I can't be saying for sure. A lesser person owes their life to the white savior. That's the idea that works. Sort of a subhuman person. Favor equals life. I'm pretty sure I pointed this out in the 2012 episode, but it is still funny to me to this day is you and McGregor,

as Obi-Wan Kenobi takes one look at this fucking jar-jar things and goes, what's this? What's this? I mean, you've got to be a little more sensitive kid. You're walking around the galaxy. If something's wearing pants, it's a who. You know what I mean? This is another, I think he, this is somebody else on Tatooine, I think.

And I'm like, dude, what is your problem? I think there's even a moment where Quigon refers to Georgia is it. Yeah. In front of him. Exactly. Like, again, dude, he's wearing pants. He's talking and he goes, I's back. And it's like, the ability to speak doesn't make you intelligent.

Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up I think you're so smart Missa dehumanized by your words I mean just leave him alone dude I mean and this movie because the movie wants the movie wants him in

but the movie doesn't know how to have him in so it's always like all right at first it's like oh well I'll take it to the Gungan city that way they'll tell you how to get to where all the shit's happening on the boo right this is when you realize the first time in this movie I realized last night

John Williams was fucking slinging heat when we're fucking, when we're going down to when we're swimming down to the Gungan city hot fucking fire that train. It is and honestly and the idea of an underwater city

is very imaginative, very cool. The grandeur would have been nice. A mat painting might have brought it all together. I kind of agree with you. I mean, I think I was surprised and I think that the best comparison you can make

is with Oh, Corrassant. Because you see Corrassant in this movie It's way more impressive looking than it is on Andor. And I think like you see Way more of Corrassant Like during the day in this movie

Than you ever do otherwise And I think like That's like oh we're hiding stuff at night So you don't have to like do as much or whatever But like Corrassant in this movie When it is revealed is I would argue quite stunning It looks pretty fucking good. It does look.

good. I mean, like, but regular sets are always going to look better. Yes. Um, but also night, it's a nice flavor for Corrassant. Because then you got all the lights going on, you know, it's, it's, it's, you're easily distracted because it also looks cool. It doesn't look not cool on Andor. It just looks less good. There is. Yeah, there is a scene where, uh, Darth Sidious and Darth Mall are walking around talking. Yeah. Corrassant. I'm like, what is that? Like, they just got noodles. that they came out of the noodle house. But they look so crazy. They're dressed up like Sith.

Are they like street performers? They'll just blend in with the rest of them in Times Square. There's a lot of cloaks on it. It's a very cloak. It's a cloak, yeah. I don't know. That looks like a Sith cloak though. Yeah, that's true.

I mean, but you're right though. You walk around Times Square and it's like, oh, look, it's Elmo. I mean, maybe they thought it was Elmo. Yeah, like, if we had a plan to say, and not saying we do, but if we had a plan to, like, destroy part of the world or whatever. Sure. Uh-huh. one of us

who knows who okay how about this Chris we both dress up as Elmo and we meet in Times Square it's the perfect way to hatch a plan

and you just you go at it you go Andy Dufrain you just day after day you chisel away at that fucker exactly you know and then one day

you're Mario the next day you're Sonic or something and it always smells like shit absolutely could you just go in there because you can't take it off

because someone might see your face and then you know yeah those people are real concerned with ruining the illusion And your body starts making stentches that just don't shower off anymore. Andrew, you're right.

They do take their helmets off a lot, which also bothers me when the, when the Elmo takes off his helmet. Dude, I've seen Elmo commuting from that station. But if I was plotting a terrorist attack of some sort or some type of siege, yeah. I would keep the elmow head off. See, now, dude, you're saying this shit, now it's going to get to the fucking NYPD and these people are going to be hassled in Times Square now. well clean up time square good job NYPD get these Elmo's out of here NYPD's already taken a cut I get the feeling like come on Elmo pay up oh yeah your street corner right here is not free I think Al Qaeda slipped them some bills too so yeah uh jar jar is it big do do because of undisclosed

reasons because of being so clumsy yeah clumsy it's I feel a boo law I guess he got caught fucking the general's daughter, dude. That's exactly the way to have y'all. Misa's in trouble now. Misa pull out. It's a caller John Travolta. That's a prequel I want. Misa followed her vagina. Whoopsie do.

Jarger's a wet dick now streaming on Disney Plus. It's a 15 minute short film. It's he's fucking boss and asses daughter, dude. I think that's what it was. That's what got him in hot soup with all these people. No, yeah. It's, uh, well, I don't know how it's say it's shaped exactly like his ear I don't

no it doesn't get erect I'm going to tell you that now it does not getting nasty with NAS I never had a chance to do this motorbo yeah he's doing the boss NAS on boss NAS Oh my God I did also like when they're in the sub

like journeying through or whatever I do like all the big fucking fish stuff that's floating around the goober fish the goober fish and then like the fucking underwater dinosaur that eats the goober fish there's always a bigger fish also interestingly enough it's like i feel like quigon or obiwan should say oh my god it's a monster instead of the guy that lives there yeah well maybe he's never been that far and seen whatever those things are yeah but i mean like

at some point because like they're about to put jar jar to death and like basically they don't they don't want to help uh obiwan and quigon and they they They don't, they think the boo's troubles will never reach them. Ooh, interesting politics. And it's like, well, we're not going to help. Jedi mind tricks them. And then, it's like, all right, cool, but we got to kill this one guy. Oh, well, I guess I own his life.

And he should help us manage the depths. He's so annoying in the depths. They put him to Jedi sleep at there. Like, do you leave him. He's not helping your mission. No. He's not like, and he's not a droid that like, you need to do other stuff. to do protocol stuff, to talk to computers.

He brings together, in the end, he brings together both societies in order to stop. He's, he's instrumental. It's true. But it's Padmey, who gets down and literally begs to Bosnass and convinces him.

Boss Nas, can I help you very much? I'm literally on my knees begging you. It's Queen of a dollar that we joined Parson and the Congress. Oh, you thought that was me? I'm actually her clone. I'm, I'm her dup. But I also talk like you.

Actually, that would be interesting if they started dabbling with clones early on for the decoys, the Saddam Hussein-esque decoys. Oh, yeah, them Saddam Dupes, dude. Absolutely. Oh, my God, I love that. All over that royal palace. I love those guys. They get to Nabu just as the siege has ended.

We don't get to see the siege. At Derek's point, we don't get to see what camps are happening. who's getting shot. And again, I think a scene of these robots laying waste to a couple of people. Now I'm like, fuck, these robots are serious pieces. You absolutely have to because what the movie winds up tripping over is when that dude who looks like Jim Broadbent keeps calling and he's leaving the same face time about like, they're killing our people and whatever. Someone, I don't know if it's quigone, somebody has the comment of like, well, we shouldn't react immediately to that because what if they're faking it? And then I was just like, well, I'm not seeing it.

So they must be faking it. Yes, exactly. But they weren't faking it. But you don't see it. You need to see something. They need to be like stealing people's oil, siphoning their gas tanks or some. There needs to be something detrimental to society or you don't see any of it. But somebody runs away and they get shot in the back.

There you go. That's easy piece. And you can argue like, oh, this is more of a kid's movie. But someone gets cut in half. Quigon gets stabbed through. You can shoot one guy in the back. It's fine. Yep.

Well, that's the thing is they are okay with singular acts of violence on thing. But like a roundup where like several people are getting shot, they don't like stuff like that. That's war like actually showing some kind of war. A fiery squad would be really appreciated. I mean, yes. But again, they're like, this is a movie. They were scared about the kids not getting it without the poop. So I don't think they're also thinking, well, we're not going to get the adults if they don't have the war.

You're making me want to watch that Tofer Grace cut, that fable. Oh, the fame. Is that available anywhere? No, the problem is you have to know Tofer Grace. Yeah. Well, that's not too hard. And what was the deal? What did he do?

I think he just edited it. He cut all the prequels together? Something like that. Yeah, he did like a really, apparently really cool cut of Star Wars the prequels. Which, you know, I could, I could see. I could see rearranging things and removing things. The problem is you can't add.

But so, yes, this is what we sort of really start to see Natalie Portman as the dupe Padme. is just like they stop Padmay and those people from being wished away to some whatever camp it is and it's like okay we're going to go to Corrissant

and ask for aid and this is going to be really important and that's the engine of the movie oops flat tire 48 minutes are going to go by the movie gets a fucking flat tire and it feels like it it really does

because there's not a ton going on outside of just the pod race. You know what I mean? Like if it's a thing where it's like oh fuck we broke down and now the whole movie's a Tatooine Yes. That's kind of I guess one thing but it is really like we're just stopping off here. I mean I guess

I don't know I was thinking also earlier this afternoon like it is nice that it's really just like Nabu then to Tatooen then to Coruscant and then back to Nabu. It's like fairly contained storytelling wise but like all of this it both takes too long

and there's not enough of it, if that makes sense. Because we're not bringing up, of course, it's not really important at all. We're not bringing up all the times that Kira Knightley or Natalie Portman are doing Bjork cosplay. We're not doing any of that because she does yammer quite a lot during those. And it doesn't add anything.

A thing that's made out of action and movement and they're just like, how about she just talks to this child that we're going to steal? See, the who I love, though, is the guy this will take two seconds the guy who's fly he's like piloting that ship

oh dude that guy's great and he's like showing Anakin later like you know different things to you know maneuver someone right controls he must be because they give him

so many lines but like that guy looks like an old school like early 80s Star Wars meat and potatoes exactly he's got the he's got the face Gostanzas going on

yep it's a face that you can cut a roast on like it's not a fucking model actor It's just a dude. It's like lock, stock and two smoking barrel type pay. Like, he's got that. I forget, he is in a bunch of shit.

But it's like, it's totally charming. Like, he's just this character actor. Him and Captain Panaka. Panaka kind of rules too. Panaka's doing the best with this hat, though. I mean, I feel like when you get on. The best with the hat. Dude, you look like M.

Bison with this hat. Oh, I mean, I think he's doing the best he can with the hat. He's basically, you get cast mom. I got cast in Star Wars. I can't wait. What's it going to be? What am I going to wear? Do I get a cool cloak?

Maybe I'll get a lightsaber. You joke to your friends. And then you show up the next day. Like, here's the world's largest hat. I'm a hat man. Oh, the hat's okay. I guess, you know what? It is kind of silly now that I'm thinking about it.

I mean, you're kind of a star mounty. What I was trying to get at before, what I was trying to get at before. If you were blasting at you with that hat, you would be drawn to the hat. You know what I mean? I mean, your fire would draw. You should hide a gun in the hat, like a giant gun. Like your own droidica in the hat. That should have.

Andican Skywalker in that hat. You see the hat was big enough. It could do like a shield, like a droidica. Oh, nice. Sorry. Well, you're trying to get it. But I was trying. No, it's not even good.

No, it's a bad point. But the flat tire part, but you go to tattooing and you got this downtime is when you could ramp up stuff in the siege scenes or you could ramp up stuff in Corrassan. Yes. Or with, you know, Darth Sidious and whatnot. But Darth Sidious does have a call with the vice words or whatever that he's bogging down the Senate and procedures. I imagine he's researching Hunter Valorum.

Another meeting about Hunter Valorum. We have no confidence in Hunter Valoram now that we've seen what's on his laptop. Oh, we haven't? Oh, there's absolutely no case here. Well, this is quite embarrassing. Better dig ourselves in further. The laptop from Mustafa, that's kind of like our hell. maybe i would love to see terran stamp sun just smoking crack in a cool bath right he's going to fucking nine thousand miles an hour in a starfighter jerking him jerking himself off in the mirror kind of yeah that would all be i i'm very into this and now that's the thing is we need space dirt

bags hans solo was kind of wanted to start of that one that first movie we yeah he's more of an elon sleaze bag of absolutely i need a fucking bevy of slees bagginos what if we just had a rotten dirty fucking show on on Disney Plus. Dude, yeah. How about this? Scum Wars. Yeah. And it's, we'll create the show and it's just like the dregs of society in that galaxy. Absolutely.

I need at least one character that is the equivalent or the Correscence equivalent of Patrick Pesbis. I need at least one that. Maybe Sam to bring him in there. I don't know. Dude, how about that though? Like Star Wars telemarketing scams? That's got to be a thing. Oh, it's another unknown.

number that keeps calling. I know who this is. We are calling from the Federation of Jedi. Can you give us $35 for a gold premium sticker today? Last year, 41 Jedi was slain by different Sith. Could you put you down for a gold star, sir? Can I put you down for a gold star? This stuff is definitely happening in Star Wars because like I have a 7-1-8 number and I get constant calls from China like thinking I'm a Chinese national and threatening me in Chinese. That's got to happen in Star Wars like oh fuck another another call from some planet I guess am I in trouble

there or not we're collecting on behalf of Quigon Jin who was cut down in his prime on Nabu we can put you down for a gold star membership can we $41 we'll send you the Jedi decal to put in the back of your cruiser and the guy didn't even have a perfect force death

as you know he's not a ghost he ain't a ghost no more as you know the Sith are back on the rise we've heard many things from different corners we're losing Jedi every day to the Sith Sword. I have not seen the show you're referencing. So just to clear it up for me and folks at home. Sure. This is telemarketers.

It's a police benevolence society. Yeah. It's an PBA scam. That's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. I mean, I'm sure it was a scam. Some people knocked on my door in Queens trying to get me to sign up for one of those. Oh, is that right? Yeah. I thought I was in trouble. Yeah. Well, yeah. These people even pretend

to be cops. Honestly, yeah. It's insane. I think I'm going to start pretending. I think I need some Well, no. Anyone ever had cops a pound on the door for any reason? No. Not like not college cameras. I had my building, my entire building was raided by the NYPD when I was living in Queens.

There were so many police cars. Right. I'm sorry for this, Eric. I shouldn't have loved this. They pulled up and they were parking right on the sidewalk, right in front of the bill. Even regular cars, there were vice cops, dudes with like Jets jerseys with badges hanging. down. They ran up the stairs like very systematically. They put

two guards on every stairwell while they were going up. Wow. Are you looking for the lost Sarnia brother? What the fuck it? They were looking for someone and thankfully was not me. Fucking L. Chappo was living on the fifth floor, I think. Yeah, yeah. Well, they got that

guy. I did see them pull some guy down Oh, really? He was giving them a mouthful. I like a kiddie poor dungeon is my guess. I didn't even have, I don't think anyway. There wasn't even successful anything. It was just a team of morons. This is like, it's got to be like 2008, maybe, something like that.

We're in Astoria, 6 o'clock in the morning, cop knock on the door, hardcore. I freaked out. I was like, what the fuck is that? They're pounding on this fucking door. And I look through the peephole and it's a fucking like group of people just standing there, just plain clothes. And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, NYPD, open up.

up and I go shields and the guy at the door's like what did you say to me and I go show me your shields yeah they fucking put the they put their little badges up and they show and I open the door didn't fucking unchained it open the door I was like what's going on uh yeah we're here to get so-and-so yeah and I'm like well that person doesn't live here and they go well according to our records, they do. And I go, in this apartment right now is the person you're talking to. And my girlfriend, that's it. You got the wrong address. And it was just like silence. They kind of like commiserated

like a few feet from the door and fucking left without saying anything. Love that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Finest my fucking ass, dude. God damn. What the fuck ever with that shit. They get off on it. They do. Of course. So, um, we are, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we get a flat tire. There's, R2D2, so that we can, and I don't mind it, and in retrospect, you know what I mean? Like, it's been a half hour. We want to see some familiar faces. Here's, it's like, wow, those droids are getting really fucked up. out there, huh? Getting real fuck to the face.

Oh, not. But it is, I mean, I do think that the problem is afterwards like, who's that droid? Oh, it's R2D2. Well, that's interesting. I'll remember that name

for a long time. Here's the thing. The part where R2 is introduced, I think is fine. Because you have to introduce characters. Sure. I mean, like, that's a way to do it. But what does fucking suck shit

is what, I don't remember who actually says it. Maybe it's Padmay. I don't remember. but you get a total C3PO, me, R2D2. And I was like, that is a sitcom line too far. The idea of fucking Annigan Skywalker making C3PO, I fucking hate. I really don't like it at all.

Well, I mean, well, let's get to it. So we got a flat fucking tire. And it's like, hey, we got to go into town. You have to take my handmaiden into town because she wants to learn. Because she wants to learn about the new society. and like this is just look it up on wukapedia because he does kind of say it's like we're not a fucking time for this boorish

cripe yeah and then like it's just like it's but we it's fucking oh god damn it but he's a Jedi he can't figure this shit out that's just the prince yeah that's just the you can't sense it yeah dude come on because she's just like oh and all I almost did the voice

but she's not doing the voice because she doesn't have the fucking Bjork cosplay on as Chris so beautifully described it she's just talking like Natalie Portman and she's just like yeah, so Queen, or Princess I'm a dollar or whatever said, yeah, I got to go with you. And he's like,

fucking idiot, queen. Speaking of Bjork in the third movie, she gets the dancer in the dark treatment. Finally, they could put some grimness in it right at the end. That was nice. We should, you know what? Yeah, I'd take a Star Wars suicide, man. Have we seen that at all? Well, Laura

Dern. Right. That's hell of Star Wars. Yeah, that's a big one. But like a haricayor. I would, but that would be great. That was actually supposed to be in like a suicide out of despair. Yes, that was supposed to be in. Rise of Skywalker in the original script, Hux kills himself with

with a lightsaber from the museum. That's right. I remember hearing you tell me that. I would be great if they're taking Hux away and he does a fucking Manchester by the sea, but it works. You know what I mean? He grabs the gun and he gets it. Oh, man. I love that. station offing himself, that would be pretty fucking great.

But so, like, yeah, now they're going into Mosespa and wouldn't you know the first place we go is Waddo's and he's got the only hyper drive in town, he promises them. And Wado still sucks. He's still not great. Yeah. We learned, I was written today. Only money. Oh, yeah. Only money.

Oh, wow, you want to want to bull. apparently just don't look under my chin it's a lot of weird like horse pubs or something like dude whatever is going on this dude's stubble watching it like the disney plus 4k disgusting it looks really nasty yeah and you know i don't even know if we were mentioned it on that first episode i think we didn't so that some people were like oh you should have mentioned the uh anti-semitism perhaps oh for sure yeah oh there's no doubt it's one of Noses. That's one of those things

where it's like it's just so obvious if we miss it. It's not that we missed it. It's like, how could you not? You know what I mean? Sometimes you don't want to talk about difficult at least back then, but now we'll just do it. Oh, sure.

Oh, I love money. I do like... I know he's a Greek actually. Obi-Wan, I heard about this in the protocols of the elder Zion. Now pass past the Turner there.

Oh, you've got the right haircut for that. Darth Turner. The apparently of naturalists went up to Lucas and were like, it doesn't make sense. His wings are far too small for him to fly. And then he's like, oh, well, actually there's like helium in his belly. And also, by the way, you wouldn't know. But why he's flying is because he's crippled. He's apparently like his legs.

If you look apparently, his legs are jacked up, which I have. Imagine is because, and we learn a lot of this. Slave rebellion. Well, no, I think when they made draft Kings legal on Tatooine, it really fucked up his life. Oh, yeah. He loves gambling. That's a fair point. Now, that's the thing is like, you can have this character design, but it doesn't mean

anything unless I know about it. Yes, exactly, yes. I would love to know about him being brutally beaten. They're going to break my knees. I thought they're going to take one of my wings. I'm going to need a wheelchair. Well, so wait a second, though. So he's got fucked up feet.

And then Sibulba got fucked up. That guy gambling too? He's got weird crabbo feet. I don't know. I think that technically the feet are okay. So he's got very long arms. Oh, is that what it is? I think they're all feet.

All feet? Okay. And he's like, they're all chickens. The rooster has sex with them all. No, you don't understand. You don't understand. It's classic storytelling beach. You know, you don't tell them anything.

And then afterwards, you tell them everything. Dude, making a whole cottage industry, I'm like making up bonus shit and claiming it was there the whole time. Which is genius. It's fucking genius. It's also so genius to start that cottage industry, have it thrive for so long

and then be like, yeah, I don't like it anymore. Yeah, I'm going to change it. I'm going to erase half of that stuff. Because he threw out so much of what was considered in a way canon before the Disney throwing out the canon. He was doing it as well. Which is the reason, I mean, the whole reason there was even, I mean, obviously there was, there are fans of the movies and people renting the videos and stuff.

But what kept Star Wars alive was all those novels on those, in those comic books. You know what I mean? Especially the 16, 15 years. Those Thron trilogy, the Throne trilogy, the original Throne trilogy, literally printed on the fucking cover or the back of the book, the official continuation of the Star Wars storyline. Oh, is that right? Yes. Like this is, it basically said.

this is canon. Wow. Because we want to move some paper and I'm not doing the sequel trilogy. We got to move some paper so I can make some paper, man. Get writing those books. Timber and then you do

the scarf-based thing with the money. And those books were so much canon that that's where Coruscant is invented. That's where it comes from. And I know some people will argue in early drafts, there was a different name for a city

that was an imperial city, imperial core city that there was like sketches of the art brief, like not really fleshed out but Timothy Zahn named that fucking planet. I'm really curious how much money you get screwed out of because you think they hire you to write these books.

They're still hiring him so he's still making money but he named a lot of shit in Star Wars. It's comic book stuff like you're to work for hire. You get whatever you check and maybe get royalties off that book or whatever it is and that's kind of it. Do you think like there's some like alternate dimension out there where like Tim Zon

is like the dude and Dave Filoni doesn't exist? That actually, it could have happened. Why wouldn't they not ask that guy to write some of this television stuff? That would be cool. What's he deal? Is he still a lot? He's got to be still a lot. Yes. No, he actually wrote a new Thron trilogy

that is a prequel. Homeboy loves his throne. Yeah. Well, he invented it. He invented it, yeah. No, he's still alive and he's still writing. And those books are pretty good. They're not as exciting as those original ones when he had more of a fire in his belly.

When you're saying the original Thron trilogy, you're talking about Air to the Empire or something else? Yes. I think, yeah, those came out of what, the early 90s? Yeah, something like that. Yeah, yeah. But so, yeah, we meet Little Anakin Skywalker, played by Jake Lloyd.

And I mean, like, again, similar to Ahmed Best. If you want to hate on this kid... you're kind of nuts. I mean, like, it's, it's as if I, it's, it's as if I, I was having a bachelor party for myself, like, oh, you know, and I had a eight-year-old planet. And then it was just a chucky cheese and it sucked. And you're like, hey, fucking eight-year-old kid, why that party sucks so fucking bad? No, you blame me because I put the eight-year-old in charge.

You blame Lucas because there shouldn't be an eight-year-old or a nine-year-old in this movie. He should be aged up a bit. He should be, and that would give all. the more agency to the character as opposed to a little little kid who's very cute but doesn't can't act very well because he's a little kid it's a little kid and you got george lucas who can't direct human beings yes or computer cartoons i mean like the dude just can't direct acting i'm sorry even natalie portman who went on to win an oscar and been nominated three times kind of sucks in this right yeah no you're right and he's also giving the eight-year-old lines

where he hits on her yes and it's like that might have you an angel Because if you, if you fell from a galaxy far away from your, do you hurt yours? Like, dude, there's so much. And it's so loaded. That is such a loaded. It's one of his first line. It's one of the first Anakin Skywalker lines of all time in, in this prequel trilogy, is him being like, are you an angel? And I'm like, so yeah, it's a hit.

It's a total hit on her in a weird way. But also I'm like, it's the old Carlin bit. What's all this shit about angels? I'm like angels in Star Wars. Oh yeah, there's a planet where there's angels and I was like, this kid's got a brain tumor. That's them trying to like, all right, he's going to hit on him, angels style.

Oh, wait, they don't exist. Okay. Oh, you know, I heard some crazy sea captains used to see those angels out there. It's like the mermaids thing. It's like a guy fucked a manatee. That's what angels are. There's some planet of angels out there.

He'll get to it one day. There's like three to four of the, there's not that many, although there probably should be a lot more considering that's at the foundation of the entire fucking universe of your building. You're a funny little boy. Yeah. Want to have sex with me? I guarantee you, there's that shot at the last shot of the movie is her smiling at him. And like, I guarantee you, Lucas is like, all right, Natalie,

that was great. That was fantastic. Can we do it? I just, the teeniest bit hornyer? Like, you're not horny for him, but you could be horny for him one day. Just something's happening down there. You don't know what it is necessary. necessarily, but something's happening. I'm not saying I'm going to shoot any. I know her mom's yelling at me.

I'm not going to shoot any of it, but just as an actress, smile as if you could conceive one day you're going to bear his children. You could definitely tell that he's going to be a real hot guy. He's a little boy. He's going to be a hot guy. Well, it's also compounded by the weirdness of the fact that Padme is supposed to be 14 in this movie.

And he's supposed to be 10. Natalie is not. Yeah, she's probably like 16 or something there, I think. She's got to be older than that. I might have been a little older than that. I don't know how old she's 38 years old. No, it's not that old, but like she's not looking like she's 14. No, of course not.

And this kid is literally 10 years old. It looks like he is 10 years old. Yeah, yeah, totally. I mean, yeah, that whole angels thing. I was also thinking, like, because I just watched that third episode of Asoco. She's about 17 or 18, depending on when they filmed this. She's 81 this when we came about 99. So, like, call that 17, 16, 18.

Yeah, all right. I mean, she does not look like a 14-year-old kid. No, she does not know. The thing with the Angels, I thought, because I just watched that third episode of Assoca, I thought they were talking about them fucking space whales for a second. Oh, yeah. And I was like, oh, no, no, just angels.

Just angels. I think the Space Whales is a new thing. Oh, yeah. And what was that movie that came out last year that was centered in time? Oh, Avatar came out last year. Isn't that interesting? Oh, well, just take from whatever. Let's eat our fucking rib again.

But they get caught to scent. They meet Anakin. We find out that, like, Wado's the only game in town with this hyperspace. Right. We're going to go back. But, uh-oh, there's a sandstorm, and this cute little boy invites us back to his slave quarters.

Isn't that nice? And what I want... I'm a person. That's right. It is the most casual. So, you're a slave. And he's like, I'm a person. I want when they're walking into the Shmi-Skywarker cave,

I want Kleeglars zipping up and getting out. Like, there's somebody for the week. sme. I'll see it. And he like ruffles, Anakin, said, I, tiger. Oh, absolutely. Oh, maybe some, he's throwing some food down instead. He's like, yeah, yeah, now you can eat this week, man.

There's you go. There's a spaceball mitt for you. Why, buy the cow? Am I right, Wano? Am I right? Why am I going to buy the cow if she's a slave for free? You know what I mean? Great. Hey, you know what I mean? To see the rest of this world fleshed out in a way. Well, fleshed out. I don't know. Pun unintended. But to see that world.

What is, what is her day to day? You're like, what is this? She's, she's a misery day to day. Yes, but in this, okay, Steve, but she's presented as a slave in this. Sure. All she does is sit around the house. Yeah, and she's like, I, like, you see, you always see Anakin working at the shop. You don't know what she's doing.

And Anakin has all this time to do all the other projects, make his own C3PO, make his own pod racer. They're, their slaves, we're like, but what do they do? They don't do anything. I think Steve. kind of figured it out of it. Anakin's got to go work and the mechanic shit because either Waddo is like he's like you got to clean it the

whatever the fuck and then you can go homer for the day. And he goes yippee! Yeah, which what a delightful little slave he is. But like I think with Smee it's kind of like yeah Cleeglars dude he's in there twice a week you know

you're getting a fucking Grito in there you know what I'm saying. The pumping ground. Wookie's on the weekends. Like that kind of stuff. Looky's on the weekends. You know, at that point. A teenage Han Solo probably had a piece of this at one point. Let me tell you, my man, Wado, okay, listen.

Now, after Wookiee weekend, you've got to let me know to not sample the goods for a few months a week. Hey, you're just really fucking my shit up here, Wado. You had a job of two hundred in there last week. It was a fucking slime fest. And here I am. I got to come in. You got to give a man a heads up here. Well, how else did I get Huddy's STDs?

You have a Hutt ward on your cock, Guado. It's bigger than the cock. Oh, yeah, you know what? I didn't look at her. She's dead. Oh, yeah. She was flattened completely by the huts. You know, this is my, like, low-key fave, like, cameo as they're, I mean, whatever.

We're kind of past it. But when they're like, oh, here it comes to sand somewhere or whatever, there's this fucking old lady. straight out in fucking asploitation Oh yeah there's a storm

coming up Eddie I don't even know yeah this old leathery woman I was like who the fuck are you was like

oh me bounce feeling Eddie you better get home to move but I'm like who the fuck are you

woman also insane swimming stage mad max retetansky's coming down the way

Sandstorm sounds cool I'd like to see more of it in Star Wars honestly it would be like you don't really

you're treated too often to a Star Wars weather event. Right. Exactly. You know. Ah, fuck a sandstorm on my boil. Oh, Jesus. Oh, God, it's just getting in there, isn't it? Oh, it's getting in there. Oh, it's getting in there. Oh, and get my bucket. Oh, and get the bucket. Fine. I'll finally start wearing pants just to stop the sand from hitting the boil. I've been pissing sand castles for weeks.

Fine, fucking kill me. Oh, I mean, so. We get this, we get the C3PO scene. which is terrible. And like, I like that it's a puppet as well. I like it. It looks nice. That's nice.

The other thing that happens, this, the relationship with Sabalba. Like, I am to understand at least a little, maybe I'm wrong on this, but I presume subalba is supposed to be an adult, whatever he is.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I kick your ass a child. Oh, yeah. I fuck you up, child. Not even that. He's like,

fuck you slave scum to a little bit. And it's like, imagine you're, rival. You're the top of LeBron James's one rival was an eight-year-old blonde boy. He's really shoving him. Somehow he's just as good as basketball. I don't know how, but he is.

You're not a born leader. You know that? You don't know how to lead. But LeBron is not a fucking serial cheater like Subalba. That's a good point. You see his performance in this pod race and it's like, you know what? Subalba's record has to come with an asterisk on a dude because this dude is rampant with the cheating. Well, he knows the huts. I don't think it's really... I think around here,

I mean, it might have been a little bit before, but I want to mention it real quick is Quigon tries the Jedi mind trick on Wado. Oh, God. And Wado's like, oh, the old Jedi mind trick

doesn't work on me. You know, remember, return of the Jedi. Chapter of the Heart, it's sort of like me now. I don't know. Oh, and in my name. Very selective in who is not, you know,

susceptible to that. Jarger got the life. dead. Now he can't do the you know, the mind. It's just, we're playing shuffleboard folks. I can't either money or blocks of feta cheese. So, you know, we're having dinner at the Skywalker's. It is a very awkward

thing. This is when like, you do like, we're kind of like, uh, Quigod just started staring daggers at Padmeh. You guys are slaves. Weird. It is the crazy. She's like, I don't know there was still slavery in the galaxy. Shut the fuck up. Just shut it up.

ruin this. Just thank them for their food and get the fuck out of him. Look, if you keep calling them slaves, we're not going to be able to kidnap the boy. You know what? I should have said something when you said we wouldn't pay for the groceries. I should have said something then. You were a slave your whole life and you're going to, why are you kicking me? Why are you kicking me?

That's my shin, Quigon. Shut the fuck of. Of course, they elected a child. There's that crazy Anakin line where he's talking about how all the slaves on tattooing have like tracers in them and if they go if they stray too far away boom that's the end of that

battle royals I need dude I need to see some crazy old guy that's like I finally had enough all these weird STDs he just tries to run out of the town and like his head pops off his body guy with three eyeballs pulling up his pants chasing after him

you get back here he's screaming but then all the worms that hop off his body are also screaming. But so like Shmi does, you know, this is when Quaghan really puts on the, he's putting on the juice and he's like, oh, you can see things before they happen, I bet, oh, you should be,

only a Jedi would be as good at Padresig or Shoo and all this, all this stuff. Yeah. And this is when Shmi, he's like, who's the boy's father? And she says he has no father. Shut the fuck. Shut the fuck up. I'm sorry, just shut the fuck out.

Just like you have to. And I know like, Yeah, that's right. Keep that immaculate consumption story going. God damn it. I don't want anybody knowing what I did to you. Yeah, it looks exactly like, oh, so what? I'm a toy d'air and I didn't kill the space Christ. I just said it was okay for the empire to do it. I just can't.

Like that Lucas needed to figure out who, who Darth Vader's father was. And he just decided not to. Yep. And this whole explanation is a fridge too far, my friend. you could have just ignored it as well like it's just a single mother like who cares yeah exactly you know i don't i don't believe i know who his father that's the thing saying he doesn't have a father like when you first hear her like start to respond yeah it can totally be taken as like it was a fucking love him and leave him i have no idea i got fucking drunk at the canteena down the street

or whatever it is and then it's like when you say he has no father it's fine but then it's like let's just say he was forceful with it was the oh It was a real mama smear situation for a team. It was a wild night in space grease. Oh, Todarian son, Mama smear. Mama smia, here I come again. Mama, gonna race your part today. It's just.

Mama smear. Ah, my balls are in fucking fire. Fuck. Oh, no. Hot worms. They stay on your dick. and they won't go away heartworms

Oh, what does your sperm count? What does your metaclornian count as well? Because I mean like, unless I think too is like now are we setting up too that like fucking Well, I guess we have set up anyway that it is a biological, there is a biological component to it. Which I don't like and I feel like a lot of people

didn't like because it's like the force felt like a spiritual Taoism type of thing Taoism or whatever. But now instead it's just like, well, you know, did your grandfather have? You know, exactly. It makes it less interesting. Well, because it's this weird, like she basic,

like, he explains how, like, midichlorians are, like, living things. They're, like, they live inside the cells of your body. And so, like, so these things all, like, collectively came together. Yeah. And impregnated this woman and she did Anakin's, like, it's just, you read. But you, here's the thing is, like,

Holy Ghost is Medi-Clorian. Religion is so like obtuse and weird in Star Wars and like yes the Jedi is like kind of a religion or whatever but like I feel like it's it doesn't hit as close to like Judeo-Christian shit as that stuff

is, that Immaculate Conception stuff so when you feel it hitting too close to like you know a major earth religion and like dude this is way too fucking close man you need to kind of like spread it out a little bit. But in a Machia Conception, it's

too much. To me, it's connected directly to the poop and the shit, because it's one of those things where if you have no confidence in your storytelling abilities to talk about who this father and mother were and just make an interesting story about how they got together and how this

happened, you're just like, I don't know, why don't we Jesus them? Yeah, exactly. Why don't you just turn them into Jesus and then kids will understand that bullshit and then we can get going? He was the sweetest man I ever know. He could do some stuff. one time he moved something, then he died. You know what I mean? Like, there it is. And we don't even need to know.

Exactly. His name was whatever it was. Here's what you can do. Dude, he got fucking killed in a pod race. Exactly. That's why the kid digs on it and, you know, whatever. There's something in there where, yeah, because like, already, the Jesus shit is there already. You know what I mean? Let's not forget when Jesus Christ came into manhood. Turned water into blue milk.

And he fucking destroyed. He murdered it. everyone. He turned the bunch of children. He fucking was hanging out with Satan. Some guy in a black robe named Darth Satanist or whatever. It's just so funny to

go to make him Christ and then I guess anti-Christ. What if Christ was bad, huh? We never think about that. But so like they realize, yes, false prophet, yes. I love the secret blood test that he gives him.

Dude, yeah, it's real. Now, Hold still. I'm just doing a blood test on you. You mind that prostitute? I'm doing a blood test on your son. You got no hipporites, kid. You know what? I just got to taste the blood. She was, oh yes. It's a good vintage. A lot of metaclorians and that.

That'd be awesome. We'd just start drinking his blood. I love that. Oh, you've got a high many metaclorians and a high percentage of adrenachrome as well. Oh, you'll do quite well. Have you ever heard of spirit cooking? Yes, there's a comet called ping pong pizza I would like to bring you to it's on the outer reams.

Oh, it's dumb. Oh, but I do love fucking Obi-Wan in this broke-down spaceship still able to do this blood test. He's like, wow, oh, these readings are off the chats, master. Oh, my goodness. Welcome back to the fucking movie. Your most compelling fucking character sitting in front of a computer screen being like, oh, lots of boobety-blues. Great, awesome.

So long story short, he convinces Obi-Wan that he can, the only way to get the part is if he convinces Wado that he runs a pod race and he's built his own pod, he's secretly built his own pod race, his own pod racer. So he goes to Wado the next day. And I swear to God, he goes to Wado the next day. Yeah. And like, maybe he looked himself in the mirror that was,

you know what, Quicon, you're going to save that mother and that child. the second Wado is like well it's gotta be the kid then yeah it's just like he doesn't push up this dude even a little bit and that's a great observation dude because I had the same thought where like because like at the other side of it

when the kid wins and he's like now you're going with me and whatever and he's like and mom too right he's like ah my thought was like what's Wado gonna do put this woman on the spaceship and go you're never going to see this weird bug person again. The defense around

not doing that is her battle royale chip or whatever. Oh, right. The chip. Well, then show him your green fucking lightsaber. Like, guess what, bumblebee? Yep. You fuck around and you're going to find out. Or, like, use the force to find where it is on her body and David Kronenberg pull it right through her arm

or something. That would be phenomenal. That is what I actually want. But the whole thing centers on, Wado has this, like, roulette-esque dice. Like, it's half blue, half red. And, like, The whole thing is, like, of course, he cannot control Wado, but Quigon can control the dice.

Yes. Now, I would be, like, selling him like, okay, if that dice bounces off that thing over to that arc, down there and into Subalba's mouth, I get them both. But that's the thing. You got to want them both. And this motherfucker doesn't. He's just like, oh, well, I try.

Oh, I try. Could I get the boy and this mother? Oh, I can't get the other mother? That's all the boy. The prostitutes only going to weigh us down. You know what? He's had enough of the ladies. Time to spend some time with the men.

Water, when the boy asks, you will tell him I ask, right? I did, I did. Let everyone remember. I asked for the mother. Ask for the mother. Feternal author, Jedi. Yeah, no women. You just take the little boys and you train them in the temple.

Yeah, this is a tattooing F-O-J. We would like you to give us the gold standard. That's $100 every month and you stop. police shootings. You stop Jedi shootings. You stop it all. I got to watch this fucking thing. It's so good. But, oh, also just real quick with them Obi-Wan stats that he gives

their over 20,000 midi-chlorians per whatever the fuck. But he says, well, that's even more than Master Yoda. Holy fucking. You know what? The machine is broken. Call me back. There's no way that's possible. Let me recalibrate this. Oh, no, it's actually 4,000. That's a nice

amount, I suppose. But so, like, we get, you know, and this is, I think you said something last, maybe on chat today, Chris, that really singled something for me is, and this scene is specifically that, which is you felt, you feel nothing when you watch this movie. And I totally agree. In this moment when he finally fixes the pod race and the kids do it is, I'm not even saying it's the performance when he's like, it's working. And the thing, the camera pulls back and we're really watching this thing. rise up you feel nothing you feel like because you should be like oh man it's coming together and like I just don't have it

for that but also because like he made C3 you're showing all these magical achievements by this little boy by the time he does this one it's like all right who cares but it's also that because you never get any time alone with this kid to understand him who is he when he's not being bounced off all these other characters and the storyline who is he that's why

one of the moments that I like, it's a very fleeting moment. But when he is working on the pod racer and there's his like little group of friends. Sure. And they're all like, oh, you're doing it, Anakin, blah, blah, blah. And then immediately all those kids are shitty to him. Like, fuck you. You're a liar. Like, except for like the one little boy.

It turns immediately and I was like, well, whatever. But I think what's weird too is like you don't get that sense of like this great achievement or whatever because the movie has already told you that this is just like a pit stop. Exactly, yes. This isn't like the culmination of anything. It's just a moment in the movie that is being used to facilitate getting to like what we're told is like the real story, the real movie. You know what I mean?

Ironically, one of the most famous and remembered parts of this movie is this pod race sequence. And the whole thing with the pod race, I mean, I mean, we get to it and I mean, we of course have all the gibberish names you could ever want. Oh, that's terrible. But like, as Eric pointed out, what actually made? makes this pod racing is the sound design. You feel like if there's an emotional core to it, it is the thrill of being in the race rather than

the fact that he is winning it or that he is able to do this at all. The sound of the engines, the otherworldliness of it, those shots that are like POV, like you're in the cockpit. It's a really good sequence that would have been way benefited if they had fucking people

in those pod racers, at least one or two. Because when you have all of those Nabu pilots like fighting at the end of the movie and we've got some squadron-esque things. Those are people in cockpits. And you're like, nice. But this is, it's all computer gleeples except for Jake Lloyd. You should have two or three human beings.

Even in like makeup, that'd be fine. You know what I mean? But yeah. Also, new fan theory from last night's watching. The Tuskans, it's always like, oh, why are they shooting at, why are they shooting at Jake Lloyd's fucking speeder and only almost seemingly only his speeder? They know what's up.

Some Tuscan had a prophecy of like the evil child of the desert. And this is the moment he comes into promise. And they're trying to be heroes. Dude, it is called Star Wars, like the evil child of the desert. Like that is the short story. And it's this fucking Tuscan Raider waking up sweating one. And it's like, oh, then they got to translate what's going on, Jeff. I saw all these dead kids in a hall.

This monster was. standing over them. He had a dream all the way to order 66. Oh, that's a great story. For all we know, he goes back and kills these exact guys.

He kills a bunch of Tusks and that's true. He also does a holocaust on them too. He will remember this. This is the prophecy. That is what they're doing. They're trying to stop him before he rises to power.

It makes it very entertaining to have people shooting at these pod racers. And hell, bring this to NASCAR. I would watch NASCAR if there's hillbillies on the ridge taking pot shots at the fucking cars. absolutely. I think that's happening at least

some in those NASCAR races. You get some of them swamp races with that circuit man, I don't know. The thing that I think also it's a technical choice that really makes the Padre's sequence sing and it's way more effective. As much as Williams knocked it the fuck out of

the park with this score, there's very little to almost no music throughout the entire sequence and all you're hearing is racing sound effects. I think pretty much up until the very, very end. Oh, and then Greg Proofs. which if anything told you that this movie was made in 1997 to 98 and came out in 99

is that Greg Proops does a voice in it. Yes. Oh my God. Hold on to your hat, everybody. We got Greg Proofs. Just hold on to your fucking hats and get ready for it. Yeah, that's right. We out. Colin Mockreys people were playing hardball and we went to Greg Proops.

Welcome to that. It's this tattooing podrays where all the points mean nothing and everyone has a great time. John C. McGinley dropped out. We finally got Greg Brooks. I would have preferred McGinley. Me too. You know, we even get a

that's got a hurt joke. Yes. He does it. That's got a hurt joke. And yeah, that's dumb. And there's a little hut and I got it. Anything that's not the actual race is actually I am groaning at essentially. Jabba the hut coming out is like the master of ceremonies.

Like, it's just like, I know Jabba the Hut's like in this world. We've already mentioned it a couple times. We'll mention it again about the huts. And it's also funny, just like making Mosespah such a thing in this, in this movie. It's just like, oh, yes, it's a spaceport.

Well, people who don't want to be found go to, oh, it's very similar to the place 30 miles away. Exactly. Almost the exact same name as well. There's actually scumbags everywhere. I don't know what to tell you. They're just kind of everywhere. It's as if, like, Philadelphia wasn't called Philadelphia.

It was called New Bork. You know what I mean? Yes, exactly. They're similar cities. They have different vibes. I think I'm going to call it that from now on. Oh, man, New Bork. I like that.

New Bork. There's also in one of the passes, they passed by one of the Tuscan Raiders. No, they passed by a Jawa. Excuse me, do you get a little Uttini in there? You do get an utini, of course. Which is great.

And he wins. You know, yeah. After Grito's rampant, or Subbo's rampant cheating. Does Sable die or no? He does. Wait, what? Subalba does he die?

No, it's a hardcore crash, but I think he's like, damn it. Yeah, he does. Oh, okay. I think, yeah, I think he does. He doesn't do number three. He mentions do-do again, I think.

You know what you do get, though, when he gets into his pod racer to start the race, you get a little like Subalba ass there. Like him just getting, he looks like it's like a little gremlin ass because of his tiny legs. Maybe Odie Mandrell or? Odie Mandrell was the only name that I wrote.

down too. That's kind of funny. Moles roar. Bulls roar. Okay. We will, we'll go over all these pod racers that aren't subalba on the gleepe glossary this month on Patreon, Patreon.com. Including the one that looks like a spree with antlers on it. There is actually one guy that one Gleep Glock, Gleep Glock, ooh my God, that's like a gun that's alien gun. That's like the gun from exextance or something. But there's a guy in the handing out concessions at Oh yeah, he's selling like Salacious Becrumb looking at things. And he's got tons of

weird little arms. Yeah. I want to know what that guy's up to. Oh, there's a toy line and all. I hope so. Yeah. I'll be buying it tonight. So we got it. Sorry, now we own your kid. He won the race. We own him. We're going to take him away. And the awkward moment of oh, yes, I'm going to take you away from all here.

You're going to get three square meals a day and you won't. You'll have your own. I mean, you'll be my apprentice, but you'll have your own agency. Oh no, your mother will remain a slave for the rest of him. She'll be a slave and your be, get this, an indentured servant. It's almost the same thing.

Dude, he's even like, he's like, oh, the life of a Jedi, even after the training, it kind of sucks balls. So, you know, you're welcome in advance. You do kind of have to sleep where I tell you to sleep, do what I say you do. It's kind of the same thing. And it's a vague idea.

Maybe you can't have sex, but we're never going to say that. But basically, You can't. I do like that Wado tries to get out of the deal. Oh, yeah. Dude, he does. And there's a great, uh, Quigan goes, oh, you want to settle up with Jabba the Hut then, you motherfucker?

Like, it's really like, oh, don't make me turn you over to the big guy. They should have gone to Jabba the Hut. Oh, yeah. The job of the Hut would be like proposed to split Anakin in half to see who would. Jabba, Jabba, Jabba. Just make sure the girl stays here. And the boy, I don't need, I don't care. Whatever.

Shmi stays here. I got no use for the boy, but I got a lot of uses for the bob. Yeah, I know. I know I'm looking more like a worm every day. I don't know what to do with this thing. It's just taking over my body at this point. There's, so like, hear the tone of my voice right now. Pretend I'm like a dad speaking to their child right now.

Hi, dad. We're getting ice cream tonight. Yay. Okay, that delivery, right? Here comes Liam Neeson into this fucking Schmee Skywalker fucking cavehouse again and just goes, you're no longer a slave. Dude, the delivery, it is such a take to. It's like, it's like

you, I understand it's like, you know, yes, it's this freeing, happy-ish moment, whatever, but it is a real like, we're getting ice cream. It's so bad. You gotta get R2D2 to do like a pop with confetti after he says that. And Anakin's like,

oh, can I go, mom? Can I go? And then she, Shmi is like, you're a free man. I'm still just a slave. So technically, you could do whatever you wanted to me. I can't even say, I can't tell what you what to do. You're a free man. And he goes up to C3PO.

And this I only noticed last night. It's a weird, like he's like, oh, sorry, I can't give you a body 3PO. And like it's a joke like, oh, maybe, you know, I'll tell him I'm not to sell you. Next time, baby. Yeah, it's the next time, baby. But there are two or three of these shots that are C3PO, POV shots. Like, it's fucking robocop. Like, you know what I mean?

Oh, I didn't even notice. It's really strange. It is. It's New Year's Eve putting a little hat on him It's all for you They're fucking drinking champagne And making out in front of him

It's I mean it's really weird There's like two or three C3 POV shots Not unlike Robocom I love it I fucking love it so much Yeah and so it's a real like He's like oh I'll definitely come back for you mom

And she's like please don't Please don't come back here It's not gonna work I'm planning on dying excuse me. Well, what if I, okay, all right, mom. I guess I, if I do come back, can I do a genocide in your honor?

Okay, honey. I'm definitely killing those Jawa's who always tried to fucking kill me. They know what's going on. They must be destroyed. Or the Tuscan Raiders always tried to kill it. Excuse me. He should also kill the Jaws too.

But like living. Well, they do kill some Jaws in New Hope. Oh, yeah, good. But like living on Tatooine as a kid like this, I feel like you would come. If you had a chance to come back with a laser sword. Oh, yeah, sure. I'd be laying to waste the whole town.

Anyone, look at the, but those people said you couldn't pod race. Be like, look at me now, motherfucker. All right, look at it this way. You're going to get off this planet right now. Man, you're a freed fucking slave. Just starting your rest of your life thinking about all the dirty shit I'm going to do to your mother. And when you grow up and you're a big strong man, if you're still raw about it, you come back and take me the fuck on.

By the time you get back to Clegg Lars, after having all these worms. You are going to have to put a thumper from Dune into ground and get him to come out and say hello to you. Open his fucking jaw. No, they have creams for the things that he has.

He's okay. If he keeps on doing it, Steve. That's a good point. There's an interesting little moment here. And it is kind of, it's a bit of little baby Anakin characterization where they're on the ship. And Padme is like, you know,

what's wrong with you? He's like, I'm really cold. And she's like, oh, of course, like you grew up on a desert planet. Like, you've never experienced other temperatures. I was like, oh, that's out of interesting. It's just space is cold. Yeah, space is cold. It's all pretty cool. But then it's a weird, he's like, you know, kind of scared or whatever.

And the whole moment is absolutely destroyed because this is where she goes like, oh, you're going to come with me. We're going to Corrassant and maybe backed into boo or whatever. Come with me. My caring for you will remain. Oh. I'm just going to take care of this little boy. I'm just getting started. Natalie, take that again, like 3% horn. Is her mom out of the room?

3% hornier. Great. Imagine that your partner had put one of those vibrating eggs inside you. Imagine he just went through, all the way up to 10. Just imagine that your character can't be within 100 yards of a school and action. Her mom's getting coffee. All right. You want this kid so bad.

David Bowie updates. It is false that Moby ever had the remote controls and Natalie Portman's vibrating egg. I had it. He has them all, man. He does. But it's great because he packs up, they go, and then this is the first Darth's ball attack.

And, like, Leo, he's like, oh, fuck the movie. You know what I mean? Yes. Oh, when they're trying to take off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. This is also another thing where later on, I think, like, maybe it was Obi-Wan was like, what was that?

Yes, that's the other moment. It's so fucking weird. It's pretty cool. We get a little like fight in the desert. Wall almost runs over Anakin, which I appreciate. Yeah, Anakin drop. Quangan, I'm tired. I love.

Someone's got tired little legs. Quigon jumping out onto the like ramp or whatever as it's flying away. It's all pretty cool. But that is what was that? I think it was a Sith. And it's cool. I like Darth Mall only revealing one of his blades at this point. Because, I mean, it was already ruined, not the trailer. It was happening. I mean, everybody knew.

But it's pretty cool just to see the one. And like, you know, and like, yeah, this is when we, we think there's a Sith. We get to fucking Corrasson finally. Yes. We got, we meet, we really meet in earnest. Well, in the, in the plane right over, uh, Anurken Skywalker, meet Obi-Wan Kenobi. Uh-huh. You're a Jedi, too. place to meet you put her there buddy yeah it's just rough it's rough it's another one like it's just like they meet each other

I don't need to hear that they have to meet each other I kind of wish at that point they would just go with the convention like the I think both Golden Harvest and Shaw Brothers did this where like every time a major character comes up there's a line of text like this is the character and this is who's playing just in the middle

of the movie that's fine do it dude it's like sitcom intro rules, man. It's totally fine to do that. They should actually, Star Wars should seriously go back and look at the Shaw Brothers, Golden Harvest, and all that shit and start thinking about structuring some movies or TV shows like that.

You know what those things got? They got actions. Things are fucking happening. Human stunts. Things are happening constantly, not just being like, oh boy, I'm horny for this kid. Let's go to Space City. Well, I mean, I don't know. Would you rather have action or the

Space Senate? That's where at here. I like these floating discs that have they're like platforms that fly into the... Like the design of this is pretty cool but it just like this is where my eyes start glazing over again just like

how I read the scroll to this movie which is just it's way to whatever. It's just an info dump about weird politics and space economics. I get it like you know you're trying to talk about the rise of fascism and very often

in these things do we make up a fake threat that fascism needs to fight and then you give power to something and oh he's not going to ever give it back I get that's a cool enough idea but the threat here is so weak and again starting you're coming after the empire which was such a clear villain it was such a clear idea of these guys look like this and they all do this and they're all baddies here you've got these Asian coded bad guys, these really weak robots, and Darth Mall is kind of maybe going to do something at some point.

It's all very muddled. And then I guess the idea is like once the empire is formed or whatever, you kind of get that monoculture so everything's this and that. But here, like later on you got the separatists and the techno union, my God. Oh, dude, the techno union. We demand fair pay. Yeah, it's just. Oh, yeah, who's going to be the villain for my next movie?

Ooh, the unions. You must now fight the chemical brothers. Yeah, I mean, it's just all very muddled now. And I guess that's part of the point. And then you get this rise of Hitler thing. But like, it's not as if political science fiction stuff is impossible or like you can't make it exciting. I mean, you definitely could. And or is that top to bottom.

He usually take the care to do it and just saying trade to blockade and trade union and all this stuff doesn't really do it. Also, apparently, Council of Valorum, according to Lucas, was modeled a little bit out of

off of Bill Clinton. He's like, what? I think he said he was a good guy, but he was just beleaguered. Sure. That means he got a blow job and off.

Oh, dude. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Oh, no, man. We got, oh, no. The trade unions acted up again. in Kosovo. What are we going to do? Oh, shit man. The boo just voted and no confidence on me. Oh, fuck.

In response. That rot kid stars fucking it up again. In response to the Senate, I must do a saxophone solo. Oh, dude. Yeah, just starts playing jizz music. Oh, he played a lot of jizz music all over the White House. There was someone a dress at one point. Let me just lay down a sick lick for you. baby. Oh shit. Chelsea, those track of those shit's always headed out for me the whole time. Oh, baby, look at that sick

ass twillique dancer. Oh, yeah. I'm going to do an A. Kelly song of my saxophone. No reason. We didn't mention it, but there were some sexy Twi-Leak girls giving some bulb of foot massages. Shoulders. Yeah, they were sick of work. His dick is in his foot, dude. Oh, nice, dude.

That's why he's got to walk on his hands. You don't want to step on his cock. That's amazing. That's kind of a fisting, a footing. But Palpatine Phantom Menace is the situation. Absolutely does. Here come the Democrat. I mean, the beaericred.

That's how that works. It's kind of hilarious, man. Because now that I was not aware of how unhappy Terran Stamp was making this movie or whatever. But now the last time you see him in this movie, it's so fucking fitting because this is where she's like, I thought no confidence at the total of the movie.

And then like the whole fucking place is like, fuck yeah, yeah, let's do it. Fuck that guy. Terran's stamp just like slumps down and it's a total plop and sigh. And I feel that's like a, I'm finally out of this movie. Finally out of government.

And Anakin Skywalker was farting around Korson, goes to visit her. And he's still wearing the slavery. rags like get him a get him an outfit yeah he's in the big city come on a little leather number well that sounds dirty that's how the Jedi dress that's how he dresses in the future like yeah do you have Jedi money be like oh well take all right first things we're

going to FIO Schwartz and we'll you know we'll make a day you've never had ice cream little slave boy have you like it's playing around a giant plush giraffe I would love it treat this kid right for a day before you put it back to work and you don't have to worry about like the money you're going to spend on this clothes or whatever because you're just mind tricking all these sales clerks to give you shit for free or I already gave you the money that's why his body burned is because he was just robbing people the whole day I mean I think but I also think this is quite gone knowing he's got to play a little bit of the last crusade game with the council when it comes to presenting him oh yeah like he's got to be like I found him

all the way right to wheat nowhere's building just the metaclorians were just coming off. I'm like steam. I mean, we do get the Jedi Council here. And I mean, like, we've wasted so much narrative and financial real estate. It's just like, and here's the Jedi Council. Yep. We're not even like, like,

there's no majesty to do it or anything. Even Sam Jackson is not good in this movie. No. He's just like, I don't think that the Sith would have returned without us knowing. And then Yoda being like, oh, the dark side is hard to see. Isn't it? Or it's a goddamn.

I'll bend over and show you. I was pretty stunned, man. I mean, I know, like, this movie's, what, going on 35 years old, how? 25 years old. Sam Jackson looks so young. He does. He's crazy. He's finally started looking like his age.

Like, there was a while where that dude was not aging. And now, like, he's kind of looking like an elder statesman. Dude, still handsome as hell. But just, like, watching back this far, I was like, oh, you. He looked different. He's doing that many Chase card commercials It takes the soul.

But even Yoda too He's looking young as fuck in this movie. Unlike how he looks so old now on those credit card commercials, Yoda. No interest rates you have. 5% cash bag.

Oh, yeah, that's a good deal. Dude, it's Yoda and Wado sitting down talking about credit card rates. Oh, I haven't fucking what does the APR go up at the future years or you're saying it stays

at zero. Credit score is terrible, water. What would all the gambling you've done? Oh yes, it's in the gutter of 500 but this, I can check my credit score very easily on the website I monitor my spending. Do I get Miles on this?

Dude, I don't think with like space travel technology you can have miles programs. You'd just be racking that shit up. Oh man. Well, it would do Oh, man, I have 25,000 bucks. That'll get you like, I don't know, halfway to nowhere. Yeah, and who makes all the money, chase a galaxy, I guess.

But yeah, like he says right here, and this is like where these, this council gets totally incredulous because he's just like, oh, yes. What does he say? He's like, oh, we've encountered a, where to go? I lost some of my notes. Where's the line? But it's like, we've encountered a divergence in the forest or something like that. And they're like, oh, what divergence you say? And he's like, uh, yeah, so sit down for this part.

It's possible he was conceived by midi-chlorians. And they're like, get the fuck out of this office. I want cone head guy to be like, dude, you got sold a bill of goods by that lady. I guarantee you if I ask, uh, hey over here. Yeah, yeah, guy who looks like a Muppet. Um, did you check the background or records at all? Did you do any investigative work on this? Or did you just play with your pud and take the child?

That's just me Muppet Guy over here, Askin. Metacloins do not ejaculate, okay, folks. Conehead Guy is here in this scene, too. He's got a couple of lines, and he's looking pretty okay. Yeah, he's pretty sharp. I always love Conehead guy. I was realizing the other, so on top of looking like Mr. Largo, the music teacher from The Simpsons,

Ian McDarmid also looks almost exactly like Spalding Gray in this movie. He has that spalding gray mullet. It's just, it's such bad hair. I love it to death. When I was a kid, I thought that his name was, that because that was his hair. It's Spalding. Spalding.

Yes, and the Sith are coming back and everything is going fine. Do you guys know, here's something crazy that I did not expect when I started going through this sitcom while we eat at at night. Spalding Gray, so far,

well over 10 episodes guest starring on The Nanny. Oh, yeah, he was a big deal. I did not recall any of that. I'm just like, how many episodes Is this guy going to debate himself? I'm sure that's how I knew about him at first. Oh, really? I'm almost certain. Weird. Anyway, anyway.

But so your classic, oh, he's too old to be in the trading. I want to fucking, I want some mother to be like, oh, yeah, there's another boatload of babies for you, Jedi Temple, because I guess that's, that's the right age. Like, how are we starting them? Like, I was fucking nine or ten years old too late for anything. Is it like they use the force to get the breast milk? Like, what does happen? It needs to be so early. And again, like, that would be cool when we're walking, when we do a walk and talk through the Jedi Temple, it's like, oh, here's all the foundlings that we, you know, we foster and da-t-da-da, we, we gather kids via X and they have to be Y age. And then we use them.

Where Mandalorians have foundlings. Jedi have taklings. I got it. Snatchlings. Kidnaplings. Maybe some donatelings. He does get his like Jedi Council test though And you know A couple of wavy lines Spits his gum out because he gets electrocuted It's like you know Are you afraid or whatever you know

And they're like oh it's kind of a fucked up thing Because here's this little kid And all these adult gleepclops And Sam Jackson are just like Yeah we're reading your mind We know you're scared of never seen your mother again or whatever And then this is the funny because I've been like I'm like fucking whole hog on Dune these days

where Yoda's just like, you know, fears the path to the dark side. I was like, fear's also the fucking mind killer from a book written. Somebody read that book a long time ago and it made quite an impression. The galaxy very close.

I mean, but the thing, I get him not being scared of this group of Jedi, though, because for the last, I don't know, at least what, two, three years,

he's had to deal with fucking subalba of being like, I'm going to kill you if you try to beat me. Me and Klee Glars are going to run a train on your mother. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. You want to know why they call him a Doug, kid. Because that dude gets in there. So, whatever, it's a big fuck you.

You can't come to our school. And then Quigangin's like, well, I'm just going to train him myself. Try that. Try stopping me now, your little green fuck face. You can't have two apprentices. And then it's like, oh, well, oh, I. I guess you could promote this one. What's your name again?

Obi-Wan Kenobi-Man? Yeah, I'm done with him. Oh, I forgot you were into the movie. Excuse me. Can you float something? There, he's a master. A younger, hotter version of you came along.

And you know what the funny thing is, speaking of what you just said, Chris, he can float something a little bit. That is a thing that, like, they gloss over, but it would, like, it should be amped up more because the end of the movie makes a point,

but the build-up to it doesn't. Where, like, Quigon is like, yeah, he's ready to roll. He just can. can't use the force to move shit that well. So then at the end of the movie when he's hanging off the thing and he finally uses the force to get Quigon's lightsaber,

it's not as fucking victorious as it should be because they don't, they rush through all that shit. You should have a thing where like he's either thinking about a previous lesson with Quigon or they're just like shooting the shit in the ship or something and he's trying to do it a bunch and it's like, you know, anytime now it's got that part's good. That's the part that always comes

last, you see, or like whatever. That would be good. Because then it's like, that's the character having even the teeniest arc, even though it's like, IMO the greatest character in Star Wars and he's got fucking 15 minutes of screen time in this movie. It's tough on this one. It sucks. But so he's like, oh, I'll trade on myself. And like, they, uh, the Dubu thing happens. And the, uh, Padme is like, we're going back to Nabu. I'm so thick of all of your full ass. Yes. And so, and back we go. And this was kind of interesting because like I had to pause. here for a second and I was like oh

just about 30 minutes left not too shabby like I was kind of okay with how much time the funny thing was I kind of positive the exact same spot you did more or less but so like we get back this fucking trade federation takeover has happened this fucking beautiful city is completely empty for the most part I just want some fucking dead bodies

on the ground yeah that's you know if you saw the carnage of any kind you would be like well of course there's no faith in this chancellor But right now, I've seen just an empty Disneyland, basically. An empty Italian museum. Exactly. Until this moment, I still thought it was possible that all that shit that fucking fake Jim Broadbent was talking about didn't happen.

How about an uncle and Owen and Amperoo fucking-esque smoldering skeleton in the street? Where are the crispy critters? And Quigon don't count. No, he does not. Where them critters at, man? Come on. Let's start cooking. I would even handle a Starship troop.

like, report from the front. Here's a dog puppet that's been crushed by fucking, you know, a whole building. And yeah, now we got to get the fucking bucks. Would you like to know more? Yes, honestly, I would. A lot more, actually. Show me. I would like all that.

We got to talk to the Gungons because they're hilarious. The Gungans, we're told, they're in a secret, a sacred, secret hiding place. And it's like, oh, gee, I wonder what obstacles will have to, you know, overcome to, oh, oh, we're there. Oh, oh, oh, oh. All right. So fair enough. Now we're already in this fucking forest. Jar Jar fucking followed his nose and he found it.

I wouldn't be surprised at all. Like if there was, you know, they made the movie the pacing problem all over the place. Shop, shop, shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so this is where like Amadala, you know, she's like, hey, I'm the queen, motherfucker. That's just my dupe. You got dupe, do, do, do, do. And she's just go to Quigon and me like, you call yourself,

Jedi master dude like you didn't get that she's like I was spraying you with my stink this whole movie and you didn't get nothing on me and I mean even back in the theater I was like oh yeah yeah I mean if you're talking about if you're a person who knows Natalie Portman is you're like oh she's Natalie portman right she's gonna be yeah star I mean knightly don't look that much like her come I didn't I don't know Kiran Knightley quite yet but I'd still be like well yeah of course yeah please And she's like, oh, too great,

I think she starts talking normally here. Yeah, because she doesn't have the fucking, the face pain on. So she's just talking like thatly, I am kissing your ass,

boss and ass. Yes, big time, dude. This dude's basking in it. He loves getting his asses. You son, no,

think you're better than the gungons. I like it dirty. Dude, and he, this was a crazy, he fucking starts, those jowls are going,

man, Paltrow's apartment. Gloop is everywhere. Do you think about how racist these Nebu people were that they could never broker peace. They could never track the fungus. You got to live under the water. Right. And it's and they don't get a long like come what do you

come on. Yeah. And now now you need an arm. You need you need a decoy army to take heavy losses. Because remember while the real offensive is going. Because there literally are no Naboo people in this movie besides like maybe a handful. Eight human beings.

And most of them are handmaidants. And again, like, you need to show them all locked up. Oh, they're all locked up. Yeah, you have to at least show a human army locked up or, you know, maybe a battlefield at the start of this siege with a bunch of corpses in it. What's funny is the movie isn't above showing people held hostage because the whole thing at the beginning, when all of the pilots are being surrounded by the little battle droids or whatever. And, like, there's a part where fucking Obi-Wan's like, oh, wow. go take care of this really quickly and goes over and like freeze all those people I was like

so hostages exist in this movie you've shown them to me where are these people yeah because I mean they don't want to I don't think they actually want to show an execution of any sort period unless it's in battle like they want the glory of battle yeah show me a a POWD camp

or something I really don't think that's I mean that what pissed me off more about this is because they they agree to this and of course the fucking gun There's throwing blue ball, much like the fans of this franchise, are throwing their blue balls at their enemies, hoping they will just be destroyed. I have for 20 some odd years have hated the gungan blue ball nonsense.

Really? I don't mind it, actually. It's pretty silly. What are they? What are they doing? What is any of it? That's the correct answer. But they hit these tanks and they start like, the power down.

Yeah, they short them out. They're like electric balls or something. It's cool. I don't know. Anyway, they are dodged. While that is happening, the scene that Andrew's talking about as happening, they're trying to break out all the, they're trying to get back on their ship up in the, I don't know what area they're in at this point. The droid command ship. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're up there and like, you, Quigonjin, you are, he's a master of this fucking, of the force. Allegedly. Allegedly. And that really needs to be underlined when I say this because like he really seems to put all. all of his force into gently pushing a robot. I'm like, you, I need some cooler stuff here, guys. I want these dudes hit in the ceiling. I need, like, bounce them fucking, just make him explode.

That's fine. Oh, yeah. And, you know, we're marched through this palace. There's this idea of like, okay, we're going to go get the viceroy. And then we're going to also have people go to try to destroy the control ship. And Anakin, just this little disgusting shit boy. Disgusting ship. climbs into a cockpit

and it's just like, well, no, get out of it. Someone needs to fucking use it. But the Pygon says stay in that cockpit. Well, this kid has no, there should be like, oh, we're going to go back to Nabu and fight this war. Hey, anyone want to watch this kid while we take this short trip to Nabu?

Because what is this kid running around for? Just leave him into Corrosan. He even says, when we get to the palace, find a place, and cover your ears. And I'm like, what are you talking about? He tells him to hide and don't come out. And it's like, just leave him in the fucking forest. Why does he have

to come on this part of it? Because he's going to have to do... Yeah, I have no qualms about endangering the welfare of a child, you see. Well, listen, he has to destroy the deaths. I mean, the command ship. The droid command ship. It's not the Death Star.

It's just another massive space installation. And unlike the Death Star, this just blows up by accident by literally the oops. Dude, but it is kind of the funniest part of the movie because here is who will become Darth Vader getting his first taste of blood. Yeah. And realizing he loves it.

Because he's ecstatic. It's because it's not just robots. This is like a thousand dead. Yeah. This dude with one fucking rocket accidentally launched from a ship that he stole takes out thousands of souls. I would love it. They're the viceroy people so they don't really count. You know what I mean?

Yeah, as far as the movies told me, you're right. The Jedi have announced that those people don't have souls, so it's okay. Quigangin just like, Antiquet is like in a notebook just doing something. Quigandchen comes up behind him, what are you doing, Anakin? And he's just, the top of the page says number of kills. And it's just slants after slants after slants, just up and down, cross the hash marks. It's just all of them. He's like, I'm thinking I got 3,000 there, boss.

I think that this is, you know, the best part of the movie Hell yeah. The lightsaber fight, which is an amazing. And it's top two, top three lightsaber fight. It's got to be. It's fucking awesome. And the interesting thing that I noticed last night is like, we are in this Naboo Palace that again, marble everywhere, marble columns, marble this. It is like an Italian museum. And then not unlike the Muppet babies, we opened one door and it's the Star Wars room. Yeah. is it's like you go you go left it's all marble palace all this stuff you go left and it's all

platforms and laser shit gray platforms and grates and then a laser hallway with seemingly zero function yes the rest of the thing is entire marble gorgeous i do like i even like the laser hallway oh no it's it's it's great cool yes it's steve makes a great point that like it is a great point really like connected but you're totally right you're walking through the hallowed halls of Venice, Italy, and then all of a sudden there's this massive warp core thing humming behind you which makes... That well powers

the planet's marble. And as always, it's Star Wars, do you want to put rails here? No, but no, no, no, we don't have time for that. We don't have the budget for it. You know, just pay attention where you're walking. There's a great... Speaking of all the, you know, vibes

of Star Wars 77 that this movie has, this movie even has a fucking pork moment. Oh yeah. Did you guys notice there's a Porkkins moment. There is a fucking heavyset guy in the cockpit of one of these things and he's fighting the people up by the control ship or

whatever. And this dude just goes the defector shield is too strong. It's brat. And just and then he blows up and I was like there's even a Porkin's part. He's a big dude. He's got a goatee. He's like he doesn't get to finish his sentence. Beefkins. No.

Beefkins. Well, we need the prequels in general need more of those guys. Just fat, weird-looking dudes that are part of the fucking army. I agree. And I mean, yes, I mean, this lightsaber fight is awesome. I mean, again, like, it's, I think it's really exciting to see, you know, you've,

especially after only going off the trilogy, which I do the original trilogy, which I do like those lightsaber fights, but they are very kind of stilted. This is like real choreography. And, you know, and re-watching this one, I felt like it was, in my mind, it was such a stark difference but Quiguan and shit I mean it's he's not doing as many twirls and shit it's mostly Darth Moll

doing that and everyone keeping up with that so I like that it's like sort of a different style for each fighter big time it is awesome watching like the physicality of Ray Park like in this fight it's the dude without the goddamn horrible voice he must have yeah

I don't know is he uses real voice as toad yeah it's just like a a British guy you know kind of he's probably cocketing it up, I imagine. But then you get Peter Serifinowitz, who I guess is probably from high society to overdub him. Or at least can put on a high society sound band. He had deep timber and he also was a college kid that didn't know really what he was doing. And Lucas basically was just like, hey man. Hey, man. You want 80 bucks to be in Star Wars? And then he keeps out. Now it's 70. Answer. 60. Okay, 60. Come on. Get on the bus.

Love this No Unions man It's fucking awesome Here in Chile Old England But yeah So Quigan eats shit He's run through

Falls down Obi-Wan comes in swinging When this laser door opens Dude he's fucking furious It's really awesome Like I think McGregor's Fighting style It doesn't change

But like he's way more aggressive And it's noticeable In the choreography You can see He's fucking sweating on that camera man like really great and yeah motherfucker is cut in half and

not only that his top half does the propeller guy from Titanic it fucking hits a thing and he goes flat and you see like the underbelly of his torso and it's just cut like quarterized black he also got a red mist which I always appreciate it's a rarity

that's like that's the that's the period on the sentence of him being dead he's dead he's dead but did you watch it on Disney Plus No, I did actually. You did. Okay. If you go back Does he reconstituting the new 4Ks that got put out? He says

I'll be back when he's dropping down. Oh, right. I forgot. What was so great about movies is the finality of them like a lightsaber fight where people get cut in half, someone gets stabbed through, you're dead,

that's dead, that's the character because this has weight. And nowadays we don't do that. On these, on these Disney plus shows, every other character literally gets stabbed through with a lightsaber. And then the next scene, they're like, oh my God, it feels like I sprained my ankle. And here's poor

Quigon Jin. Great character, great actor, just fucking instantly dead forever. And I'm not saying they should bring him back or anything like that. I'm saying we should kill more of these fucking people. Well, you're not a beheaded gentleman with 70 cartoons to fill, my friend. So you got

a, yeah, I got to get a hat and trick an old man to give He is Empire. Just do, yeah, do the do the Oppenheimer, but like from the hat down, it's just all schlubb. Then you've got it.

It's funny, man. It's Fulbentheimer. It's Fulb andheimer invented the burrito bomb. Listen, these fucking these Nolan losers, these Nolan acolytes, they are going to be out

at Halloween and it's going to be J. Robert Schlubbenheimer. Don't even read it. fucking op-y costumes, dude. Do not even worry about it. See, I'm dressed like Oppenheimer, but I've got the Joker makeup on, because I'm a

crazy Christopher Nolan accolite. Did Oppenheimer have a rush t-shirt on underneath the jacket? Okay. No, but this button down doesn't go all the way up because the buttons fell off. They actually got better with age. Okay, you shouldn't have a bit.

It's kind of funny with the finality shit, dude, because like, say what you want about Force Awakens, Han Solo be day. Yeah, absolutely. But C-E-E-A-D did. This was when I realized that that Asoka show is just trying to chase

like the success of that Rebels cartoon because there's a moment in the second episode where like Sabine Ren fucking gets it. And I was like, oh, Rad, she's dead. What a cool thing. Like you brought this character from the cartoon and she got, you know, you think like she's going to be on the journey with Asoka

and then she gets killed. And maybe that would be motivation for Asoka. Uh-uh. Cut to like the next scene. She's like, oh, it's a belly ache. I'm like, you got fucking run through with a lightsaber. I saw it happen. And they also did it on Canobi a few times, I believe, as well.

So it's just, it's deflating. You are, you are, you are limited, you are deflating your IP altogether. Like, why do I give a fuck about a laser duel if it doesn't do anything? Right. Yeah, well, and that's, that's what's so like. Because it's a Star Wars. That's what's sad about it, though, is like,

the motivation I feel for that shit is like well if they're dead we can't sell no more toys even in the original trilogy every time those sabers came out shit changed you know what I mean yeah Obi-Wan died Luke loses his hand Vader dies that's that those are the three fights you know what I mean like it's not like

owie that's okay you know and if you'll recall in return of the Jedi a certain emperor was thrown down a fucking electrical shaft that's true that was great and Snoke was a good death as well No, that's right. Why does the clone of Palpatine have the silver skin that doesn't make sense?

Because in the cloning process, they put base window lightsaber juice on the clone. A little bit, slightly, yeah. That's part of the recipe. Is that biological, motherfucker? Oh, everybody's Mr. Judgey. I got him 90%. Okay? He's back.

He's a little silvery. So what? I started to like the way I looked. So it's just part of the recipe. be now. Get me on the phone with the trade version. I better not be on one of those turtle things again. Even in the cloning

business, everybody's a critic. I get seasick looking at this fucking so the control ship blows up all the droids on the planet die. Yeah. The day is saved. We get our is it the funeral or then the parade, right? Well no, first, it's really

weird, what do you call there? Obi-Wan Kenobi flies back to Coruson. I guess he has to say that, oh, by the way, QIGon is dead. Yeah. And it's like, this is when it's like, now you're a Jedi Knight, you must have done the trials or maybe that counted as the trials. We're not going to be clear on that. I think it's he did the trials and fucking scenes missing, dude. Absolutely do. And now you can take Anakin Skywalker, I guess, reluctantly. But also like, this can all be

implied. I don't need that scene. But it is hilarious if only for how furious Yoda is this whole he's it is like the most pissed off frank oz has ever voiced this character just train him if you must he's fucking stomping around this little room yeah i was outvoted at the council killer shit i could have if i had chance i love that he never he always beefs it he invites me no one did um this is then we get uh quigod's funeral he's cooking up oh yeah nice cook on this guy. Not, you know, quite, Yoda and Mesa Windu, make the trip from Karasat.

Yep. Not a big Jedi presence at this funeral. It's what happens when you're the unpopular guy at the office. And, like, he was, you know, he was a guy that thought outside the box and whatnot. He was kind of probably the most interested in, like, personally snatching children as we see in this movie.

They're like, oh, wait, the weirdo guy died. All right, let's just send a delegation. We don't all have to go. That's exactly it. Yeah, it ends with him, like, oh, yeah, that's son of a bitch. Oh, it's a divergence in the force. It's just a new pupil, you motherfucker. Like, you don't have to call every fucking new candidate a divergence in the force.

I'm glad he's done. I feel like Mace Window didn't want to go and, like, Yoder really had to twist his arm. You know what I mean? Like, riding alone, I don't want to do. Fall asleep at the wheel I might. Can I invite my mother? No. Plus ones you don't have

We now recreate basically The Medal Ceremony from A New Hope But now they're holding giant balls And so that's great It's just it's boss and ass Holding this big glowing orb Like Trump chilling with Saudis This fucking stupid thing

And that's like the last shot Of the movies It's being like Credits No this is the horny smile first Oh the horny smile of course Also the really anticlimactic like Now you vice roy get out of

so much for your trade Federation. I'm like, kill those guys or jail them. They're literally shooed out of the city. Yeah. No, you need to hang get them in an Andor prison. Yeah. Yes, get them in that fucking Andy Circus prison. Absolutely.

Yeah, so that is the movie. You do get a man, fucking Jabba the Hut as himself is very funny. It's very funny. I find that very funny. Yeah, it's great. Oh, man, and that is episode one of the Phantom Man is of course directed by George Lucas. We'll go around the horn here. Final Thoughts. Chris Cabin? I mean, I'm very glad I got to, you know, say my piece on this thing finally.

Oh, right. You're welcome. Thank you, Eric. You have a good job. Good job, big winner man. Hey, the big winner. Champion, I think is the title. Yes, new champion, Eric Siska. Thank you. Movie still sucks. I can't really move the needle on that. It's, like I said, much more well made than a lot of movies today, but I can only give that's only so much credit I'm going to give you for that one. The story itself is just so jumbled and like you can

just tell there was just way too much to handle, too many balls in the air. You had to do, you were playing the expectation sweepstakes. You had to do everything right. You had to do it all in one fail swoop. He failed, I think, in almost all the fucking categories he got.

But, you know, we'll see again in another 10 years. Who knows? That's right. Steve say that. Yeah, I'll never forgive this movie for robbing me, this whole trilogy of robbing me, like, what a cool idea of the Clone Wars could have been, what a cool idea, Darth Vader hunting down the Jedi could have been.

We get a little bit of that in Canobey, which I do, which I really appreciate it, honestly. It was like trying to salvage that pre-existing idea with this existing IP. But again, like this fucked it up so much that it's almost impossible to show that. And, you know, one of the, the better lightaber battles, some really nice craftsmanship here and there.

I still, I'm really happy. I don't have to watch this movie for a really long time. It's really long. It's low on my Star Wars list. Not at the bottom, which is now the Rise of Skywalker with a bullet, but pretty low on my Star Wars list. You know, I was just as surprise as anybody, but I, you know, and again, I don't know if it's just because like the modern output is just fucking the curve in the face.

But it played better for me this. time. I think it, for me, it's now like a perfectly fine three star little entertainment vehicle that is deeply flawed and has some stupid things. But a lot of those stupid things, I will reiterate, as we've said multiple times here and elsewhere over the years, it is not the fault of people like Jake Lloyd and Ahmed Best. And if you were ever one of those people that fucking like directly tried to give those people guff online or whatever, like rethink the priorities. But, yeah, I don't know. I was pleasantly surprised, I guess, at how innocuous this movie was to me. Eric Siska, Doctor Star Wars himself and King's shit of the VHS trailer. Thank you to my personal friend, Billy D. Williams.

Oh, yes. Hell yeah. Great guy, great guy. Friend of the show, Billy D. Williams. Got to know very well. Spent a month of the country with him. The movie's not good, not great, but I still think it, and I still,

I maintain that this is the best prequel, you're free you're free to disagree all you want but i feel like there's a beginning middle and end which i can't find in the other two so yeah that's that's totally fair but that is going to do it gang for this episode uh you know episode one redux or something like that i'll probably title it uh but we're so stoked to be back of course and again if you are getting this now on the ad free uh patreon tier eight dollars or up big thanks for subscribing tell your friends about i know a lot of folks you know, get their opinions about commercials and whatnot. So this is a great

way to avoid that should you choose. And also when you do that, you get a metric fuck ton of other stuff that we do every month. Including more Star Wars content. Including this month's we love movies episode on Blade that will be coming out. Chris Cabin's favorite movie of all time. It's the best. You wait to see I mean, we talked a little bit about the graphics

and this. Wait to see some of the graphics. They're trying to go away with them. Hotchi, machi. Still great movie. Yeah, absolutely. But yeah, we're going to be talking about some more Star Wars on the Gleep Glossary this month? Who are we talking about? We're going to be talking about the pilots from the other pilots that aren't Subalba. They have an entry in one of the books and we'll go through all those little critters that were piloted in those mod race. Absolutely.

Of course, the much beloved Melro 210. We'll be back. We'll talk in 90210 and Melrose Place. Things are steaming up, of course, on Melrose Place. And I believe we will still be at the beach for some summer break episode. of 90210.1. That's very exciting. Now on We Hate Movies Prime

next month. Next month, next week, my goodness, the show continues, Steve Sadek. What movie are we talking about then? We are going back to school, but there's scalions around that. Scalions, by the way, there's a scary alien, FYI. Oh, I thought it was an alien with scales like a reptilian. Scary alien. And I can get down, they're scalyans.

They're aliens. It's the faculty. Robert Rodriguez is. Yes. The faculty. I'm pumped for the this man. It has been a long ass time since I've seen this movie and I remember it being pretty okay. I remember not liking it so we'll see what happened.

It's that rare outing of, it's like spotting a fucking white rhinoceros do John Stewart acting in a movie. So until next week when we get a little bit of that going on, I've been Andrew Juppas. Stephen Seda. Eric's Cisca. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. Oh!

Oh! Oh! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.