We Hate Movies - S14 Ep698: Saw V

Episode Date: September 26, 2023

“We’ve got like, probably, 78 minutes of [new] footage here…” - Steve  On this episode, the 2023 Halloween Spooktacular starts a few weeks early as the guys chat about franchise-low, Saw V! Holy hell, how is anyone following this story? Are we supposed to be intrigued by the mystery surrounding that building fire? Does the movie even care about the virtually anonymous characters involved in this film’s Game? Why couldn’t we get a little more Jillsaw here? And can we please take these goddamn movies outside for two minutes of sunlight? PLUS: Introducing horror’s latest serial murderer, Dogsaw!   Saw V stars Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor, Scott Paterson, Betsy Russell, Julie Benz, Meagan Good, Mark Rolston, Carlo Rota, Greg Bryk, Laurą Gordon, Joris Jarsky, Mike Butters, and Al Sapienza as the Chief of Police; directed by David Hackl. Want more WHM? Join our Patreon fam today and instantly unlock hours and hours of exclusive bonus content, including Ad-Free WHM Prime at the $8 level and up! Be sure to get in early and get your tickets for the WHM Holiday Extravaganza where we’re talking The Santa Clause! Check out the WHM Merch Store featuring new Polish Decoy, ‘Jack Kirby’, and Forrest the Universal Soldier designs! Today’s episode is brought to you in part by James Allen Diamonds! Get 25% off your order when you go to JAMES ALLEN dot com and use code WHM! Today’s episode is also brought to you in part by Nutrisense! To start decoding your body's messages and pave the way for a healthier life, visit  NUTRISENSE DOT COM SLASH WHM and get $30 off your first month and one month of board certified nutritionist support. When they ask how you learned about Nutrisense make sure to tell them it was the We Hate Movies podcast!

this week on the program it's time once again to get twisted it's saw five i'm andrew saw stephen saw eric saw fuck this movie saw and the halloween spooktacular gets started a bit early on we hate movies we all go a little mad sometimes You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's entitled to one good scare. Sometimes, death is better. Zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in!

It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicca Man. They're coming to get you, Barbara. He's sick for fox using one too many movies. Now, Sid! Don't you blame the movies? Movies don't create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative. Put the fucking looser in the bag.

What an excellent day for an exited. Hello, everyone. Welcome to the fine program, as always. That's right. We're back at it. We're back to the fucking greenlit warehouse. That's right. We're talking Saw 5.

Now, this fucker was from 2008, directed by David Hackle. You just take that L off. Take the L off right now. Just do it. A film by David Hackle. Oh, yeah. I know you're strapping in for this song movie, but wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, a film by David Hackel.

It's, dude, the audacity. And I know we've pointed this out before when movies do this, but like, you're making Saw 5, man. This is not a film by nobody. It's not. And I mean, like, that's the problem with these movies is they take themselves way too goddamn seriously. Yes. It's the fifth one. have a little fun with it.

By the fifth one, I need a smattering of comedy. But that's like going against the whole grain of what this thing is and why it was as popular as it was. Or it still is. What the hell am I talking about? Like, the seriousness of it, the grimness of it, like

at this point, the way the movie starts, I almost thought it was going to be like New York stories, like three separate stories, separated out. You know, yeah. Kevin, that's a great idea, dude. the next one of these, we get Francis Ford Coppola, Martin Scorsesean, well, maybe not Woody Allen.

We'll find a third guy. He might put some spice into it, honestly, at this point. Yeah, actually, you know what? Let the woodman run wild on this. The woodman has tied up a young woman and put her into a room of ill repute. I don't know about playing a game, but he'll do the Sunday crossword. I'm going to call on my own experience in the game. Exactly.

You have to, all right, Mr. Allen, you have five minutes to not play the fucking clarinet or else you'll be killed just kill me now just take my head off right now his body explodes immediately or not direct a fucking movie no one's watching them anymore stop yeah people are watching them if you go into the theater for some of these movies like yeah you got me i didn't have a movie this time i just wanted to be pissed people off i'm just taking your picture i'm just making sure everybody knows that you watched my movie isn't that funny Hello there, Chris Cabin. You came to the Woody Allen movie.

You have to pay for your crimes now. I just wanted to see Rifkin's Festival. That's all. You're the one. There's nothing called Raydrop Serenade. It's kind of a hoax. Dude, yeah. Rifkin's Festival is a parade of pain across your body.

You got to fucking, yeah, you get locked in a theater. Jigsaw comes on and he's just like, you got to watch every one of Woody Allen's movies from fucking post. blue jasmine to present day have fun with that shit we're skipping scoop man but so this movie

of course we are picking up right where four left off which if you haven't heard a raucous live episode on soft four from Toronto our Canadian debut yes go back and check that out but you're right this picks off where that left off but we're going

back and forward it's like they noticed problems with the foundation of their franchise and like, you know, we need some caulking in the back here. All these walls aren't staying up on their own. Let's just pretend that stuff was happening during those movies that we just didn't do. By the end of this, they're going to be like the, I know part 10 actually seems like it's going to be a bit more of a separate story with Jigsaw getting fleeced in Mexico, which is what I hope that movie is in fact.

Hell yeah, hell yeah. And seeking revenge on some poor medical decisions. Hey, this didn't cure my cancer. What gives? your magic holy water motherfucker didn't do jackass shit I don't know how to say you want to play a game in Spanish

let me go do it in America I don't think I mean we haven't seen the movie yet but from the trailer I think it's kind of because like he goes to a different doctor or whatever like back in the States and they're like yeah they just opened you up

but didn't even do anything he was the doctor Nick Riviera yeah dude fucking Hollywood Upstairs Medical School Stitch job But what I'm saying, if, yeah, the rest of these movies, it feels like by the ninth one, it's just going to be like the beginning of the first one again. There's 40 people setting this up like, hey, Darren, you got that over there, Hoffman.

You're helping out with the sinks, right? Make sure Mindy is going to be here by four. She's going to have sandwiches for everybody. Now, Amanda, you're going to have to get into character because you're the one that's going undercover in part two. So did you do all your research with all the other people you're going to be? in the room with. And people, remember your punch cards because there's a lot of work to be done and it doesn't seem to be getting done on time. And remember, John Kramer doesn't pay overtime. Yeah, we're clocking in and out now. And don't forget the cover letter on your TPS reports. That's actually

a question. Does Costas Mandelaar, is he like getting paid to help him out? You know, he's just a devotee. Oh, sure. The game. Yeah. If anything, he's paying him. Like, he's probably still throwing money down on fucking John Kramer's grave wherever it happens to be. So we all. We always. open on what, I guess, we come to find as like a copycat by Costas Mandalorian. Correct. Hoffman's first go, you know,

it's, at the very least, this part of the movie, the beginning, it's a dark and stormy night, and that means like the outside world actually matters, and I was thrilled by it. I was like, like, holy shit. We're not subterranean yet. And we also have this

operating table thing, kind of very much Frankenstein, obviously, with the lightning and all that and yeah sure like that's something and then the you know after the first six seconds of the movie goes by you got the rest of the movie it's a problem i mean so this guy is he's on a pendulum a pendulum is like coming closer and closer to his belly he has to crush his hands through these vice apparatus uh and if he lets his hands get crushed because he i guess used them to kill somebody uh he is supposedly going to be let go. This guy,

not only does he have the Zodiac symbol on his stomach. Oh. Oh, well, there's more symbols to be had on that stomach. There's a minute. They're like, before you find out this guy's evil, because at first you're like, oh, this is just another innocent saw person who like didn't fucking tip enough on their fucking

on their bill and therefore are being killed. This, you're like, oh wait, he has like SS symbols. There's a dragon thing. Is this a Nazi? Like, what's going on? The target thing, which I guess Zodiac also did is also now a white supremacist logo. Oh, that's nice.

That's wonderful. I thought that was Zodiac. I honestly thought he was a San Fran man. That would be something because later you find out she killed Hoffman's sister. And like maybe that's because he's a white supremacist weirdo and like blah, blah, blah. She's half Jewish. I don't know. Like, you know what I mean? Like,

give me something. Here's the thing about that though. Not only did this dude, Seth, uh, kill Hoffman's sister. they were dating. So what is this world where Hoffman's sister is cool dating

this fucking neo-Nazi? Like, what is going on? That's a fucking movie. I just ruined my search history obviously by looking this up. Chris, it's called the Celtic Cross. Oh,

I'm sure. That's going to be wonders for your history. Also is going to be getting hot soup is, you guys, you guys ever hear

that Aryan brotherhood? Yeah, of course. I finally peruse that Wikipedia. First of all, don't like those guys. The more I read, the less like them.

Yeah, for sure. Their logo is hilarious. I had no idea what their logo is. Do you know what it is? Barney the Dinosaur? What is it? It is a fucking Irish shamrock with a swastika in the middle of it. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, because I guess they're mostly Irish, but they're sure. I mean, I guess all the other ones were like, oh, yeah, you sure. You could take it. Yeah. No, we don't have to talk about the Italian. No, it doesn't have to be like a piece of mozzarella with that symbol on it or anything like that. A meatball. the Aryan Brotherhood's going to give you a shamrock shake

Ooh Giving out shamrock shakes you say But yeah so we're told this dude Given five years He did five years of a life sentence But then much like Freddie Krueger was released on a technicality Which again, you're in a horror movie And you're telling me someone was released from jail on a technicality

I'm thinking about Nightmare in Umstreet I'm thinking about Frederick J. Kruger Like, I need paranormal shit. I just watched this 1995 straight to video movie called Sleepstalker the other day, which is a knockoff, a blatant knockoff of Freddie Krueger. And in this version, that guy goes to jail and he just serves the entire sentence of 17 years. Good. Sounds about right.

I thought he starts killing again. Oh, sure. I mean, that's what you think in the beginning, like, because you don't know, to be clear, you don't know any of this when you're watching this moment. You know any of the bad. that only comes like halfway through this fucking movie. Correct. And you're just watching like, okay, it's normal saw

death, here we go. But like, he doesn't stop when the guy crushes his hands. Yeah. He doesn't stop it. And you're like, oh, this is bullshit. This is fucking, this isn't my saw. This is not John Kramer. He would have let that man go. How about this, though? Like echoes of Saw 4, right? And Saw 4, there is that flashback of like

Jigsaw begins and he does the trap on the dude. And it gets fucked up. Remember that? So this is like, you know, Costas Mandelor, Hoffman's his first time out here. And he also beeps a dude kindred souls, Hoffman and John Kramer. He wants this

dude dead. Yeah, yeah. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. He wants it dead. I mean, that's the whole point. It's like, he actually, not for nothing, Constus Mandelor Hoffman, I think is his name in the city, Hoffman. Yes. Hoffman is like, this is an amazing machine. Like, he really did a number on

this. The pendulum plus the two vices, squeeze it. That's a lot of work. John Kramer was, it was like a box with knives in it. Like, right. Yeah, that's true. Get the fuck out of here, man. And yes, he did know the guy and later on, that's why Tobin Bell says, the heart can't be there emotionally.

There can be nothing there. It can never be personal, which is the problem with the fucking movie. Exactly. I don't care about any fucking person in any scenario. Right, right here is your local newspaper. You read your boomer news. You find out about some crime of the week, and then you track

those people down and kill them. Just at random. You know, it is the caring about the people is kind of interesting, because I think, like, I don't know, when I watch like Jason movies, I don't particularly care about those people either. But like, there's something about, but there's

something about, and I think it's because at least with those movies, a lot of those characters are written to be like, maybe like big stereotypes or cliches or whatever you want to say. But like, these people are nothing. But you follow them in good times and bad at least a little

bit. Sure. That's true. You see them, you know, at the beginning. They've got all their camping stuff. They're like, this is going to be the best fucking weekend ever. They built them up in some way whatsoever. Instead, here we're just introduced to people in a windowless room. Windowless rooms already geared up and ready to get

crushed. And it's like, so it doesn't even fucking matter. Like, at least like, you're following, like, you're following Crispin Glover. Like, is he going to get laid? Like, what's going to happen here, like, a little bit it's broad. Nothing matters in this, but Steve, you're mentioning about the newspaper and the Boomer News got me thinking

that they need, we need a, you know how they have the thin blue line flag and all that? Yeah, of course. The thin saw flag. Oh, right. For people who do these to people they see in the newspaper. Yes, hi, my name is Tobin Bell. I'm calling from the Fraternal Order of Tortures.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Did you know the three pink-masked individuals were taken down in their prime last I saw telemarketers. Patrick J. Pespis told me that this is a fake organization. Is that a hand saw in the middle of your flag? What is that supposed to be? I just like carpentry.

I'm really into that. It's not, I don't support saw or anything. This is great because now you can also get new victims from the people who don't contribute to the fund. Oh, yeah. That's true. Well, then you hand him over to the murderer guy.

Yes, exactly. If they don't contribute, it's like, okay, let me transfer you Terry or whatever that guy's now before we get to all those people though I think just what a theory one a mistake that these sequels have made right because like that was an interesting thing about that first movie two guys wake up in a bat room

you don't know how they got there and that's the movie but when you keep doing this it's like oh the next movie what if a bunch of people woke up in a house and he didn't see like eventually you're like no no no no no I need to see how these people get there. The budget's getting lower and lower and low. And how would you like, I don't know, maybe

only 50% new footage? And what happens if the actor who plays Jigsaw dies and then you can't continue it? Because he was the reason most people were watching. I cannot believe the amount of times we're doing not only previously on Saw, but, hey, here's a cool kill from last year. Is that

doing anything? Yeah, and you know it's getting desperate, dude. When you're seeing fucking clips of Danny Glover in the middle of this movie? Holy fuck my God. The picture too is the fact that they have his picture there on the table of the slain police officers. John Kramer

really did a number on the PD there, I got to say. And also that's the problem too is like you've got these two not competing interests which one is your standard sauce set up, people wake up at a room why are they there? How are they connected? That only comes in by the way

20 something minutes into the movie. There's all the saw lore bullshit you have to deal with. that just goes nowhere and is so excruciating to talk about. And also, where's Amanda? No. Where's Amanda? She's still dead.

She's still dead. She's very dead brother. She's been dead. But I mean, like, to Eric's point, she could pop in some flashbacks, you know what I mean? Like, well, that's the funny thing. I wonder if she was fucking busy or something because you do get a flashbag of Hoffman and John

Kramer setting up the opening room of Saw 2. And he says something about like, well, isn't it problematic if Amanda is steering them? Like, doesn't your theory kind of, you know, isn't it all bunk, right? Like these people making the decisions on their own. And he's like, oh, no, she's not going to do nothing. See, and this franchise, you just can't, I personally, I can't remember the last movie to this movie, at least with something like Jason or Freddie, you know, like Jason's like, oh, this one,

he's going to Manhattan. You know, they start to change it up. whatever different chapters. Certain storylines change up. Like there's the one where Feldman is the main character. Exactly. Stuff like that. But what you're talking about is that it wasn't all plot.

And all the Saw movies are almost exclusively plot or backstory. And that's it. It's all boring and it gives you no character. Like you're talking about Crispin Glover. Crispin Glover has attitude. Chris McLever has personality in his performance. You would watch him and that feels, even if I don't know that person, I feel like I could know this person. I don't know a person like Megan

good in this. Like, right, like, because I don't know her. I don't know her at all. Exactly. But well, we also get a little bit of a Jeff flashback. Well, that's, yeah, I was just getting that because not only, not only are we watching Saw 5 for the first like few minutes with pendulum guy. Then it cuts into, yep, the end of Saw 4 with our favorite Gilmore guy, Scott Patterson, is Agent Strom, shooting Jeff once. You see, Jeff gets shot again by this guy, which is fucking great. I mean, I guess America was Jeff crazy. They're like, listen, if we're going to make another Saw movie,

we need to just acknowledge Jeff in some way. The majesty of Jeff. That's the Tommy Jarvis of Saw. Yes. I mean, also, it tells you just how much this, these directors versus the Jason directors trust their audience. Like, these people are like, no, no, remember, all the stuff matters. All the stuff that happened before, it matter. But Jason, was it?

just start a new fucking thing. He's going to come back. It's easy as pie. It's easy as fucking pie. Jason comes back and kills new people. Here I have to hear about Jeff again. I got to fucking find out about Danny Glover again. John Kramer.

You still have to hear about John Kramer. I mean, imagine if fucking Friday the 13th, Part 9, Jason goes to hell is like, remember Crispin Glover? And it's like, yeah, I guess. Yeah. And the other thing, too, all those movies have is daylight

occasionally. Yeah, we're outside. We're in the woods. We're in various cabins. There's one part, I think Mark Rolston's character, who's like the captain of the FBI or whatever the fuck he is. Oh, Erickson. Erickson. They're like, he's like, well, I'll talk to you tomorrow morning, Hoffman. And I'm like, oh, is there going to be a morning scene? Is there going to be a scene, like literally a scene where Mark Rolston meets this dude for coffee at a diner would

fucking blow my mind. Oh, dude. Could you imagine a roadside diner, like speaking to Jason, just a grody-ass roadside diner? And there's like atmosphere that isn't a fucking grody warehouse for four goddamn seconds. you're totally right and they're going above and beyond to like stretch this whole all of this shit takes place at night kind of a thing because there is a scene towards the end of the movie where jill saw goes to see uh ericsson at his office and she's just like oh yes thank you for meeting me at this late hour or something like that he's like what the fuck come on stick place in that fucking uh willam defoe vampire universe daybreaker

Are all these people vampires? I believe it. Is that also happening? Oh, was that Daybreakers? I thought 30 days of night, wasn't that? No, Daybreakers is when the entire population is vampires. Yes. And the non-vampires are the weird people.

30 Days of Night is the Alaskan vampire movie where it's... I never saw Daybreakers where it's night all the time, right? Yes, in Alaska, yes. So the Daybreakers 2009, okay, did not see this. In the year 2019, a plague has transferred to all humanity into vampires. Dude, you know what? you got that movie, honest to goodness

vampire Starbucks. And you know what? Is that right? Yes, baby. Oh, yeah. Star sucks. I believe it's actually even Starbucks too.

Like I think that they got Starbucks in on it or something. Yeah, I think so. I think they are of Empiric Corporation. I mean, Agent Strom stuff. So,

he shoots fucking Jeff right in the fucking chest. Oh, he sure does. He finds the hamburger helper that used to be Jeff's wife. And he fucking and he turns out of tape

and there's John. Kramer's little doll telling him, I know you're a detective, but stop investigating this right now. I know it looks like there's a lot of stuff to investigate. You're making hamburger helper there. Why don't you open up that

cheese packet now? You know what? Thinking about the hamburger helper wife, you know, another thing just about like how didactic, didactic this shit gets, because like I think these producers must be like, the biggest fans of these movies must be the dumbest people in America

because, like, you see that fucking head explosion and you're like, like, I remember it, you know, because I guess we did the episodes like recently enough or whatever, but I was like, oh yeah, L.O.L. Jeff's dead wife. But then, like, later in the movie, you see

the flashback of her getting wheeled in. And to be like, see, the fucking hamburger helper was Jeff's wife. Does everybody remember Saw 3? But again, I watched the unrated version of this movie. and it's 93 minutes. To Eric's point, 70% new footage.

So, like, literally, we've got, like, I don't know, probably, like, 78 minutes of usable footage here that we're doing. In the unreaded version, of new footage. And then the rest is all fucking cameos and flashbacks. I watched the rated because it was shorter, but you're only telling me it was one minute shorter? Oh, really? I think so.

What, I mean, I just watched whatever is on Peacock. I don't know. Maybe it was just theatrical. what makes this what makes that one minute of unrated footage mine was 93 minutes okay unrated is 93 rated his 92 I think it's probably like just

seconds of cuts probably Amazon has the unrated that's what I watch table saw hands and whatnot Chris I also watched it there and I had the option and I said no thank you I want that fucking I want that minute back in my life

my minute back sir I got stuff I had to walk to the liquor store come on I don't I don't want to burden you too much. So Strom, you know, shoots Jeff dead, plays the tape, and you think like from the end of that saw three that he's like stuck in there or whatever,

or Saw 4, whenever you see him stuck in there. But then it's like, oh, yes, you could just stay here, or you could go further into the abyss. And he like opens this like wall door and just turns around. And I've never seen this before.

Someone say fuck you to a corpse. Pretty hilarious. I'm just looking at John Kramer's dead body. Like, fuck you. That dude deserves it. I would be putting fucking bullets in that head. Like, I don't even trust it now. I'm putting bullets.

I'm cutting the head off. I'm like, just to make double sure here, I want this guy dead, dead. But instead of doing that, he goes, he takes the bait. He goes to this room. And he get the pig. It's Hoffman, but like, a pig mask. Big mask comes and knocks him out and puts him in this. this square thing

that's filling with water really quickly. I don't think there is a tape. He puts his head in the box. Yeah, he puts his head in the box and it's drowning him. And like, you have to imagine like everybody else to be like, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.

But this guy, of course, because it's Asian Straub, he's like, check in me, takes out a pen, takes a thing out, slams it in his throat. He's like,

you thought you got me, huh? Fuck you. Dude, it is fucking brutal. You know what? I'll pick drowning. yeah honestly yep well i mean honestly i think part of it is if his hair plugs get that wet

it can get really dangerous so like you want to get out of the situation before the coroner finds out his is the thing he's been hiding okay well he wants to leave a beautiful corpse dude and he's not going to do it if the hair plugs are all fucked up can i ask a very stupid question sure we're talking about saw five anytime isn't the thing in saw four it's the it's the what do you call it they're the autopsy bit and then the autopsy oh yes you reveal and it's the tape and it's like the games are just beginning which is um something something it's directed at agent is that agent hoffman that that tapes directed at yes sort of and like question mark there and then like because it's one of those things where like the autopsy is actually

the end of the movie because like you know what I mean like that that's how that's how they play it yes so then like where's the autopsy here and who are the games beginning for when why how I think so then that would mean that the autopsy is then taking place betwixt five and six also okay yeah you're right I think you're right just I don't know man I'm sorry I hated to do that when continuity becomes Swiss cheese it's kind of a problem I know a lot of horror franchises

we get into that kind of thing but this is excessive well because they make such a fucking big deal about connecting it all I wouldn't I wouldn't even pay attention to it, except for they're like, actually, all this bullshit makes total sense if you actually think about it. That's the thing. And exactly. It's all happening within the same goddamn week. Like, even with the world of, like, this movie where it's Hoffman kind of on his own being jigsaw. And you could even have flashbacks for John Kramer because you need Tobin Bell in this movie. Why is it that like six months later, a year later? Like, open, take a breath in these movies.

and just reset. Any breath whatsoever, just fucking have fucking Constus Mandelora at the fucking beach one day or something. I would love it. Like him just like sketching, like he's flirting with a woman, but he's like sketching saw traps the entire time.

You think he's drawing like her, you know, she's like posing for the portrait and then he's just drawing a sawtrap and his phone rings and he has to get it and it's like, Hey, Jeff. No, hey, Mark.

Whatever you're fucking. Oh, shit, which. Is this Alan? Alan? Yeah, you're you're fuck, dude. And this is why I can't remember character names in the film is because I have no reason to give a fuck about Mark Hoffman. I have no idea what his day-to-day life is. Well, you're about to, I mean, you're about to learn a little bit of his backstory, Eric. I mean, he gets out of this. Okay. There's also something, I'm not sure. I'm not going to get into it now, but he gets out of a Constance Mandelora comes out with the little girl that they saved from the last one. Oh, Jeff's daughter. Jeff's daughter, the little Jeff. Little Jeff and him come.

And he, yes, the other thing about this is there is fucking no star power whatsoever. No, any of this at all. Not even in like the low, like the best you got is in this scene, you have Mikey Palmeci fucking telling him like that he's a hero and that he's like the lieutenant detective lieutenant now. This is why when we get that archival footage of Danny Glover, it's. oh my god somebody who's actually in a movie you're reminded you're watching a movie when Danny Glover's

fucking file photo comes up fucking start start backwards cast someone that's a decent size doesn't have to be humongous I mean Danny Glover wasn't huge it's all one and then figure it the fuck out from there and actually utilize that actor a face that people

remember this is something that like really good directors know how to venture is fantastic at this well I mean he's got the might but even when he was younger he was great. Alien 3 has this kind of stuff where like the little things, the little characters that you're supposed to pay attention to are at least faces you can remember

and like names you can remember. No one's going to do fucking Saw 5. Like you know what I mean? I don't like get fucking Barbara Compton. Get like Crampton. Crampton, sorry. And like, uh, what's Jeff Combs? Like, get the horror notables. Well, that's the problem

is that those people traditionally appear in horror films, not whatever the fuck saw you. There's no horror here. There's nothing scary about any of this. There's no... Actually, this movie, I think other movies... I think this is the first movie without really jump scares.

Like, I'm nuts. Because, like, I remember, like, you know, they're in the previous films. It's like, you're walking down a hallway. Ah, pig mask, I got you. You know what I mean? Like, well, that's kind of like at the top when pig mask gets strong a little bit.

But, like, you're right. I mean, it is few and far between. We get a scene here after the whole, like, we got a live one and Strom survives and everything. We get this quick lawyer scene And this is something I'm telling you right now It's not even relevant

Until you see Saw 6 It is a scene where Jill saw Now of course we all remember Jill saw John Kramer's ex-wife Definitely feels like a second wife FYI Oh yeah Oh yeah

A little arm candy for the second half She goes to John Kramer's lawyer And it's you know Your classic There's a tape you have to see Very on point for John Kramer and it's like, oh, hello, Jill Saw.

If you're watching this, yeah, I'm definitely dead. Here's this box. You'll know what to do with the contents inside it. And I'm not shitting you. She opens the box, looks at it, goes, hmm, closes it. This lawyer, hilariously trying to sneak a peek, does not succeed. Just goes, oh, Mrs. Kramer, you know, what's, do you mind me asking? What's in the box?

And she's like, thank you very much, sir. And walks out. I'm telling you right now, it is a. dressed in the next movie. I can't even fucking believe it. And also just doing Jill saw would be fine. It would make sense. There's nooks and crannies to that kind of performance you could get into

instead of just having some fucking faceless people. And that scene is the most interesting scene in the movie by a mile. And it doesn't, it's not paid off. Like literally when this movie ended because I keep the time at the end like sub threads are coming together and I'm like, what about Jill saw? What's going on with her? And then it's just as a film by Patrick Hackle or what? David Hackle, I'm like, are you fucking kidding me?

No, they're not. It would cost a lot of money to just do a fucking jigsaw funeral and have people protesting it. It would add a feel to the world. But this is all money you're talking about, Eric. This is like, they made this for nothing. I know, but it's not that much. You get a bunch of extras. You go to, you just do voiceover over it or something, you know.

One thing is very important in the lawyer scene. The first part of it is it's Jill Saw. she's sitting in a waiting room and this couple. Because, I mean, this is something that happens in previous saw movies. Jigsaw is always in the magazines. He's all like both John Kramer was and as Jigsaw. In both ends. Now he's on the cover of New Mercury, by the way.

What the fuck is the centennial jigsaw issue? Whatever. Whatever magazine. It's not just like serial killer monthly he's on. It's like he's on popular mechanics talking about like the best engineering practices. But you know what be even more interesting than that is having him on the fucking news broadcast. I know you have

to hire people to play anchors, but it would actually give me something to really hook on to versus showing me a magazine government. But they don't want a world. They do not want to do any world building. That's not the point. The point is to just watch people be tortured and then be, I guess, a little bit surprised at

how like all this quote unquote comes together. Chris, I could do that at home. Well, sure. Did you guys see my New Yorker cover? It's really good. It's a drawn by Chris Ware and it's me waiting for an Amazon package. It's great. It's amazing. Yeah, he can't finish

the trap without it. It is funny though because this magazine is being thumbed through by this old lady who's reading the jigsaw story and there's a picture of Jill Saw in it and this woman looks up in the waiting room and recognizes Jill Saw and then starts like elbowing

her husband. Harold! Look! Look! It's Jill Shaw! And I mean, that moment alone is why this is the best sequence of the movie, which is so insane because it's like such a low bar of like, not even comedy, but like, oh man, that's, isn't that something? Like, it's literally something. It's, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a non-police or FBI official. Yes. That, that acknowledges that this, that there is an outside world. And jigsaw is like a famous, like the world is aware of the jigsaw serial killer just as much as we are of

fucking Zoddy or whatever, you know what I mean? And we don't see the sun, but it could be shining outside of these walls. It's entirely possible. I'm seeing light come through the shades. I'm pretty sure something's out there, you know? And I mean, yeah, I mean, fucking John Kramer being on Vogue Germany and all these other magazines.

Considering how not original any of this is, I have to presume I forget completely, but I have to presume it's his own head in that box. Yes. Just consider how fucking unoriginal any of this shit is, that was my first.

Did you see my issue of Disney Adventures yet, it's me back to back with Jafar. The year's new villains. And then, uh, oh, if you thumb through that periodical just a little bit halfway through, there's a really fun Chippendale Rescue Rangers comic that I also cameo in. Can you find me in this highlights,

hide a number here? Yeah, the Chippendale one, they try to rescue someone and they don't get to. Oh, yes, the Highlights Magazine. I put that goofus through the screws. Let me tell you, that Disney Adventure, man, I had a subscription to that thing. I was reading it every fucking week.

Absolutely. I love in this press conference also. Again, Hoffman, the most obvious dude ever. Like, he gets, yes, he gets this promotion. He's now up to his detective lieutenant Hoffman. He gives this speech where he is basically almost verbatim quoting Jigsaw. And it's like, dude, you are this guy's partner. Like, why don't we fucking keep the, the jigsaw jargon and the way he talks out of your promotion speech at this press conference.

I am proud to announce that the jigsaw murders are over. Human life is sacred. We learn every day life should be cherished. This is a health clinic. Oh, wait, no. Fuck. Scratch that out. Not good.

There's some great moment. And again, like, it opens up to something that almost, there's like some reporters like, isn't there? somebody else is like not now janet and i'm like who the fuck is janet she never comes back ever again i was like all right well this woman has a name think of tobo rules right she's got a first name we know

that she's a reporter just because she's doing her job in the scene yes that's enough where this lady's got to come back and do something something's the thing is just redress these people for the funeral scene and you're good to go yeah i buy that funeral scene but no you're not getting that because is this when we actually start getting into

the movie, like the actual sawtraps? No, because there's all this. See, that's the thing. There's because there's all the shit. Fuck around, right? Yes, there's all this shit with Strom in the hospital and Erickson. This guy Erickson comes in looking exactly like fucking Walt Disney, which is where. This is my mustache is really stuff.

Which you can see on, he can see him on Disney. Plus, he gets, I guess he gets killed in the opening of Asoka, I believe. Oh, hey, that's great. I think I was already asleep. Yeah, it's a sleepy show. But this is Mark Ralston, who's in, uh, Shawshank as the as the rapist he's also Oh yeah okay He's in the departed for a spell

He's a character actor He's yeah He's an aliens Oh yeah I thought he was pretty good On Osuka for this one scene He's a present I enjoy You know what I mean And he's

His his only character trait That he has in this movie Which is fucking hilarious Is he got this Bluetooth on So he's always ready for a cell phone call Dude you know that this is It's the fucking mid-auts dude He's got that Bluetooth headset

the whole time. So, yeah, so Erickson comes in and he's like, you know, Ostrom, you know, you're off the case because all these cops died on your watch running the case or whatever. And he's like, you know, I know that you're all

messed up due to Agent Perez's death there. And we get this fucking flashback to I think it's four where the woman leans down into the puppet and it shoots her in the face with all the shrapnel or whatever. And I guess he's at this point sitting in her hospital bed because the fucking pillowcase is covered in blood.

I'm like just could we get what a terrible hospital. Can we get a nurse to turn that bed over please? Seriously. Saw general dude terrible service. I mean it's just you don't want blood just sitting there like that for and like he's doing it with Erickson and then later Hoffman comes and he still did they have not changed the sheets. Yes. So then at some point like if that happened, and then we're still in this fucking house and the fucking traps have not even been set yet because Hoffman comes in and he starts going up to Strom and he's like

and Strom this is where we basically learn that Strom is very suspicious of Hoffman he's like hey you know all of those dudes died in there and like this is where we get fucking Jeff this is where we get Donnie Walberg's head exploding again which is fucking great that other guy getting shot in the face

previously on the TV show and so he's like you know Oh, you're the only one. Oh, your fucking handcuffs broke, your straps broke. That's what he says. And he's like, jigsaw doesn't make mistakes. He's got this fucking tracheotomy voice.

And he says, it was your whole crooked department. Like, crooked in what direction? Like, what does that mean? Yeah, I don't know what's going on there. But there's a great, like, Kostas Mandelaar, I think, does a decent enough job because he is doing this like gruff cop voice that it covers up his Australian accent. But there's this one part right here. where Strom is like, you know, kind of more than insinuating.

Like, I think you're fucking in on it. And he goes, read the piper's. I save that little girl. Oh, boy, it is, that must have been a, we did 25 takes and that was the best one. I'll take it. But this is, so we finally go to fucking Hoffman's hideout here. And this is, he's getting a new game ready. We see his little workstation and whatnot.

and it's again all these like fucking you know surveillance cameras and everything and I'm thinking to myself this time around I'm like you know with all of this you know the machinery and all the gadgets that we're building whatever

we can invest in clearer reception for these security cameras why do they all have to look like garbage well that's how he can I mean he's he's on a budget I mean unless yeah unless John Kramer died and left him all of his money instead of his wife

that would be funny like continue on my legacy here's all my fucking cash we're kind of going for a low-fi analog I just need gasoline a little oscilloscope kind of a vibe after midnight this actually turns into a cocktail bar

hey stretch what do you have I like cheap things like gasoline and vintage camcorders but we do see we see this is fucking hilarious we see like the room of all the people are knocked out or whatever and then you see there's cameras on a, you know,

different rooms, all the various traps we're going to see. And then he's got this little fucking detective Hoffman diorama with all the people like, little like fucking Lego people or whatever like set up in the box. If you want to, if you want to give some people, I need to watch him make that. I need to watch.

You're out with it. Like get the, go to the fucking craft store and be like, well, it's just, you know, a little. I'm helping my daughter with the science project actually. And it's him just quiet. putting like a big Eminem is the first guy. Exactly.

You know, a Power Rangers involved. A GI Joe is over here about to have their hand split. That's how you could sort of like start this movie, right? It's like, you know, you see him. You don't see exactly what he's working on, but he's got like a thing at Elmer's glue. He's cutting some construction paper. And in the background, you're just hearing

like, oh, what a day for a day dream. There's some like boopy-dupy kind of pop song. And then you, when it cuts to the end of the sequence, it cuts to what he's looking at. And it's just been making this fucking saw diorama. There is that part when he, when the Jill saw tape

is the hilarious part of the Jill saw tape that he films, which is like, you know, if you get this baby, I didn't make it, you were my heart. But he's wearing the jigsaw robe and he's very clearly in the jigsaw like, what do he call it there? He's on set. He's on set. It does, it just

feels like a behind the scenes of oh, what's this? Is this entertainment today? Oh, hello, everyone. VH1's behind the murders or whatever I've always wanted to be interviewed by Mary Hart Andrew you mentioned the pop song thing any song would go a long fucking way please get your monies with

use it five times excuse me what are you talking about the top ten hit da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da I did appreciate I appreciated it as a cell phone ring because it sounded better that way So we go into this room now

And finally see all these people And everyone's knocked out They've got collars around their necks With like wires attached or whatever Oh yeah dude And you see these like huge V-shaped blades They almost look like scissor blades Kind of a thing

And this is yeah we got Julie Benz here All the angel and Buffy heads out there Yes literally the most famous presence In this film is Julie Benz And that a movie does not make No I'm sorry to say Yeah, that just doesn't work. We made this gag before, but the, I would just imagine like a contractor coming and be like,

oh, you want the, you want those razors shaped like a V up there mounted. Yeah, five of them, okay. Ooh, that's going to cost you. And you got, you know, Megan Good, who's, you know, been in her fair share movies also. But like, that's, you know, I guess, what the hell did I just see? Oh, Jesus, yeah, she's in that fucking, she's in at least that second Shazam movie. Maybe the first one time. So we should call her Megan Bad?

No, because that would be a. terrible joker. We don't treat it. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. But yeah. So it's the two of them. And then this tweaker dude Malick. Okay. A bald guy with a bad accent. Yes. And then a third blonde woman who doesn't have a line in the movie and is decapitated before she can say one, I think. And the thing here is like we're, Jigsaw really is doing escape room stuff right now. It's just like,

I, you know, welcome everyone to your game and, you know, you're connected in ways you don't understand. And I think you should go against your instincts and look around for those keys guys. Look around. You know, that's interesting, Steve. You know how we had like, oh, you know, like all those, the horror meetups over the years, you know, Dracula and Frankenstein's monster hanging out, Freddie versus Jason, AVP, you know, all that stuff. What if we had jigsaw versus who, the fuck's setting up the horror shit in them escape room movies? I believe because I've seen both of them, it's a evil corporation and that would be great. Oh yeah, that would work. Yeah. And the same parent company also owns architectural digest, which

of course, John Kramer would be familiar with their business. Yeah, saw LLC. That's that's mom and pop operation. We're going after you and your profits escape rooms. So this one is like, we got to get keys that are in these glass boxes and

And if one person moves forward, a bunch of other people move back, so we got to do it carefully, or we're going to get our heads cut off as the idea. And there's a timer going on. And it's like, you're going to get pulled back and your head will get pulled off. Or there's a bunch of fucking dirty bombs all over the place, like these fucking IEDs. Yeah, it's to make sure that you close the door after you essentially is after you're done, you have to close it or you're going to get bombed. What would you were you born in a barn? Close the door. You're going to let the heat out of the decapitation room.

That is exactly what John Kramer would do. That is his impulses. Did you, oh, did you turn up the thermostat? That's a sawtrap for you. So everybody gets out of this except for the blonde woman who the only thing we're told about her is that she is the fire inspector or works for the fire inspector's office and then her CGI head is cut off. Because the British newspaper guy knew who she was, but wouldn't reveal. reveal it, so it seems like he might be involved. Right.

I'm sure it will matter. No. There's a bad line right here where so Julie Benz is going before they leave the room. And her wig, by the way. Oh, terrible. Dude, she's doing fucking cosplay with this fucking thing. I understand you got the other

blonde woman. You don't have two blonde women. One thing, if you are putting your eggs of the Julie Ben's basket, then you get a red redhead for that role. And or you put that woman in a wig. Why is that? Because the- events in a fucking in a fucking lowest-laid wig this entire movie. There can also be two blonde people a lot.

There also can be, for sure. But the fire inspectors in the movie for 15 fucking seconds. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Oh my God, that's so dumb. But yeah, the wig is fucking terrible. But anyway, before they leave the room, she's picking up all the keys that all the people use to unlock their collars.

And the guy's like, oh, what are you doing? And she just goes, being smart. I was like, oh, we're in for a rough. Right. Yeah, it's not the best. And yeah, meanwhile, because then like, because the problem with this movie is Swiss cheese, because then like we are following Strom. And right. Every time we follow Strom, we also are going deep into flashbacks that he can't be watching. You know what I mean? Like there is, but he's getting the information from the flashback. Because, yes, if he's watching them. I think he's accessing these via this website data bounty. probably he's browsing data bounty every day what is that it seems to be like the police computer or whatever oh i didn't i didn't even see that there yeah uh well that's you know this is kind of like this movie's also sort of like dipshit inception because like you have you know the present day which is essentially stralm going around and investigating uh uh costus mandilor's character there but then also all julie bends and all the people going through that's like the present day. But then Straum in these like Sherlock-esque fucking

reenactments in his head, Steve, you're right? There's no way he knows what went on here. We're seeing that shit. But then sometimes in some of those, those hit other flashbacks. And I'm just waiting for the kick so I can get out of this fucking movie. We need a perspective of some

kind. If you want to stick with one person the whole time, that's either a tormentor or tormentee, that would be great. You break the engine then. Like the whole engine of the thing is that like oh but we go back and we remind you what this is and then boom we're at 90 minutes fellas and then we can sell a movie like that's the whole you you take that away from it they stop and i would love that but it's not going to happen right there's that great um because i mean there's no real i mean there is a progression but who cares the one uh that reminds you of saw three when like i think it's um where where amanda does wheel wheel in the jeff's wife the wife the wife but like Hoffman was there like just minutes before and holy shit does Tobin Bell look totally different and holy shit is the lighting totally different

when the flashback starts I'm like you can't do that you can't fuck that up I just took my medicine pill and I'm feeling 10 years younger exactly it's just like dude you cannot fuck that up there's a part where he's bald and he's got this the bass player for a perfect circle for a second he's got like this lung soul patch I'm like what what era of Jigsaw was this? The soul patch was quite surprising. Get a look at that thing. Yeah, it's

kind of like if those like big telepath guys from the Marvel universe also had facial hair. Yes. But so he finds, Strom finds out, which we already mentioned, that that dude Seth, pendulum guy at the beginning of the film,

he, or movie, excuse me, no way. He was the dude who murdered Hoffman's sister. So then he goes to this crime scene where we saw Seth and he's like imagining the pendulum death. Like I said, just like Sherlock, you know what I mean? And he's piecing together, you know, oh, what's going on here? Like Jigsaw, he's looking at the tape or, this is what doesn't make sense, right?

Because he sort of determines right here, like, oh, because the dude passed the hand test. Yes. Jigsaw, like, would have not killed this guy. So why is this dude dead or whatever? and then he's like doing the look and he finds like the hole in the wall or whatever and this is this is the first time it happens yes we flash back to like

John Kramer and Hoffman like setting this whole thing up and this is Eric where he gives the big like you got to take a motion out of it speech and all that fucking dumb shit we're going over I don't know I think it does happen before this because there is a progression

where in Hoffman is in a building and he winds up at the same elevator as Jigsaw which is kind of right that's very fucking funny yeah that's when he takes it that's when he gets it yeah he's investigating whatever and then

Hoffman winds up strapped he's in the elevator with jigsaw that he winds up getting strapped into a chair with a shotgun at his chin and I'm like just let it happen please yep just let it go please but this is this is what makes no sense because he's staring at all this shit

and he just says out loud uh Strom does right here Gilmore guy he just goes you killed him made it look like a jigsaw trap and I'm just like you must think that everyone watching your movie

is a complete and total fucking moron yes they do 100%. Like if I was actually like a fan of this franchise I'd be so insulted with how they fucking execute some of this stuff man it's just unbelievable and so we get a little more backstory of these people like oh Megan

Good works for the department of city planning and the ball guy knows that her father's rich because he owns a baseball team and you're just sitting here checking all these things off in your head like doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

That doesn't matter Olympics is this movie. There's this one scene. Costas Mantelor is looking at his shelf and there's a picture of a pretty woman and any other person would be just like oh I guess that's like his wife who he doesn't see often or divorced or whatever. Maybe his

daughter who knows. But then you're like, oh, big surprise everybody. that dead person, that's actually his sister. Oh, oh, you didn't know that, did you? You thought that person was just some person. Nope, it's a person. And that was his only family. Oh, yes, of course.

Oh, right. Yeah. Oh, wow. What are the odds? What are the odds? Julie Ben's works in real estate development and Megan Good's like, oh, well, you know, you need city planning to get permits for real. estate or whatever and I'm like what what is any of this who gives a flying fuck about work permits but you have to because that's what the whole movie at the end of this movie

when it all comes together which I still won't spoil it because it's so stupid and I want to really do it real time it just it is so irritating that that's what this movie was all about that that's what this section of the movie because you keep being like all right so how does this relate to John Kramer like did they right did they screw him on a land

deal or is this something about all the warehouses that he has that maybe Jill saw at the end is going to be involved in. Oh, yeah, they screwed him on a land deal, dude. Forget it, Jeff. It's Sawtown. I can't believe the fucking property taxes.

You're getting in a sawtrap. So then the next room, this is where there's like glass fucking jars above them and there's four different like little Ninja Turtle sewers. Yes. And it's like five people or whatever. And then it's like there's only, or it's, there's four

keys and only three no, four people in three keys. That's what it is. And it's like, there's more of these fucking bombs that are going to explode nails all over the place or whatever. So they have to find the key that matches the lock so they can hide in the Ninja Turtle tunnels until the bomb goes off. And there's the idea

and this fucking investigative journalist I guess slash ECW wrestler just starts like bashing these fucking people with a big stick. Survival of the fittish. Well, yeah, he starts beaten the shit out of Malick, who it's Stephen McHaddy's number

two in the beginning of history of violence. Oh, excellent. Oh, wow. I really like him in that movie. This movie, not so much, but he gets the shit beat out of him by the baldy. And then Baldi's like, it starts hitting all the things. And then it's Julie Ben's right, who hits

him and is like, no, no, no. It's Megan Good kills him, kills that other guy. And then she's like, she kills bald guy in a surprising twist. And she's like, I just didn't trust him. And then they all jump in. By the way, what I also love about his backstory is like

he works for the Herald and they're like that gossip rag. Oh, but then what's hilarious about that is he gets all indignant, like how dare you, sir? Right. And it's just so funny because it's like this takes place in no place and nowhere, no city, no house. It's the Herald. Just yeah. You know, you know what it's all about.

Oh yeah. And by the way, I'm definitely going to care about what you have to say a bald guy. We were just like, he says something like, oh, the Blondie got what she deserved or something while like, when she gets her head cut off. And I'm like, yeah, fuck this guy. Kill him. I don't care. She was fired from the fire department anyway.

Yeah, it doesn't matter. So this is, we sort of teed this up already. But again, in a hysterical moment of inept storytelling, Strom is looking at a fucking row of folders that are all labeled like potential jigsaw victims. Yeah. And he, talking to the fault. I guess or talking to Hoffman really is like so when did you first meet Jigsaw and then

wouldn't you know it we flashback to the scene where Hoffman meets Jigsaw wow it is so stupid this lady with the fucking dog is fucking hilarious come on pee-wee because it's like some connection like oh he's been on every case since this one right blah blah right yeah after the like after that dude got murdered Pendulum guy got murdered. Seth got murdered. You were then on every jigsaw case going forward. I love that photo.

I think he finds it on Data Bounty of him of Constus Mandelor at the funeral. And he's just, I just love someone just taking a photo of a grieving cop at the funeral. I was publishing it. I guess it is a gossip ragged as Harold. Of course it is. And I was, when this dog,

Peewee the dog, who is bark at Custus Mandelor, Cossus Mandelor looks like he's been He's never been more pissed at any person Or animal than this fucking dog And I was like, is he going to turn into A dog jigsaw, dog saw? Oh, dude. Dog saw I do.

You thought you were a good boy, didn't you? It turns out that you weren't. You peed in the house. Oh, so you like torture dogs? Is that the idea? No, no, the dog saw would torture humans. Oh, right. So you're... Oh, you decided to go on vacation, did you? You put me in a kennel. Oh, that's right. It was raining outside

and you said, now's the time to go potty, now or never, and I didn't want to go out in the rain, and now look what happened. You're getting your fucking dick bit off. If you could reach the milk bone, the milkbone dog biscuit treat in time, your dick won't be bit off by these razor blades. You had to have a party with a bunch of loud people here.

Oh, yeah. You're getting your hands cut off. It was thundering and lightning outside, and that's kind of it. You're going to die now. Remember the red wine that was spilled on my doggy bed during that party? That's going to be you now. Remember last Sunday when you went to the movies and I traditionally get fed at 515,

but you fed me at 538? Yeah, you're fucking dead. And keep this in mind. Woof, woof, rough, rough. Do you remember that time that you opened my jaw and took the horse shit that I was eating off the trail out of my mouth? Well, you're going to have to eat some harsh shit now. Yeah, you're going to have to eat a whole barrel of it.

Oh, that's right. The only way you're going to get out of this dog saw trap is if you can put your face down and lick your own balls like I can. Oh, do you remember last summer when I was really sick for a long time and you took me to that really scary place and they poked and prodded me?

And then, yes, I did feel better afterwards. But now you're going to get poked and prodded because that sucked. Guess what? And it was scary. Welcome to this game. You're going to have to eat a bunch of chocolate. Yeah.

That's right. That's the stuff that hurts. I hope you like grapes Yeah Eat some grapes I bet you wish you weren't you today Remember that time I was trying to still sniff That flower bed

And you kept pulling me away from it saying Come on half time's almost over You're fucking dead Dog saw way Oh yeah I would love me And again it's the fifth movie Let's do it let's get some dog saw going Absolutely

So fucking John Kramer in the elevator with Hoffman here and he stabs him because Hoffman's got some setup line about like are you going up and pushes a button to which John Kramer after poking him in the neck with a syringe to knock him out just goes I think we're both

going to the same place. Oh yeah to hell tonight. Nice. And this is the fucking great just do it. Mandelor here Hoffman waking up. He's got this fucking shotgun pointed at his chin and it's tied to his chest and, you know, Kramer's like, careful hair trigger. Because

if he moves anywhere, uh-oh, we're going to pull this trigger and blow his head to I'm going to be honest, this is what I got off the lunitudes. You know, sometimes that Wiley Coyote had some good ideas. Execution was where he fucked up, but the ideas were solid. I mean, not all of them, though. I can't tell you how many

anvils I've wasted money on. It's actually quite hard to buy TNT. You know, that's a series that leaned into a setting the southwest like yeah sure show me anything um so this oh this right here is when we get flashbacks during the flashback because this is a flashback and he's like you know john kramer's like oh yes you know uh you she was uh your sister was a big part of your life i understand that and it's like flashback to hoffman's like uh police academy graduation and she's hugging him

and then the murder scene of the sister and then you know Kramer's like I know what you do you leave work and you go to the bar you drink there till it's time to come home and then you get in your car and then you just see flashbacks of him booze in I mean it's totally nuts and again like here is a totally

good time to explore how his sister was murdered because apparently it matters you're telling me it matters so it has to matter and like this guy was a serial killer or no he's a girl it was a domestic violence thing gone wrong

and like, blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? Anything like that. Steve, that is the opening of the movie that you see that kill actually happened by this. Sure. Then you get like Constus Mandelor brooding over it. Then you get John Kramer's funeral on the hoopla about that.

And then you get the pendulum thing. Then we're off to the races, folks. Yeah, just a nice, like, in order of events would be fantastic for these freaking movies. Some money to actually do something other than sit around. a fucking bunker. Yeah. I do love a bitchy critical jigsaw right here. He's like, the blade on your pendulum was inferior.

Oh, yeah. Because we know for, like, John Kramer is a God engineer. Like, he built part of this planet. He was just an unbelievable brain. You don't see Constus Mandelor cracking the books and like going to fucking engineer school to create the fucking pendulum. You would have to, I mean, that fucking thing is insane. To your point, I mean, we've seen John Kramer.

or opened a health clinic? Yes. What a genius engineer, I guess, question mark. That's a funny part of that fucking Will VHS tape is he's like, oh, Jill saw, I still am kicking myself about that night at the clinic. He's like, he's still thinking about the door bop all these years later. Pop, bop, I ran. So it turns out, unfortunately, the gun is not loaded.

and he's like, again, this is kind of funny because you figured Hoffman's already on to this, but John Kramer does have the line, I'm the man you call Jigsaw. Yeah, it's like, no fucking shit, dude. Yeah, I thought we were all up to speed on that at least movie. It'd be great if for the rest of this part

of the flashback of this part of Mandelor's training is he's got a Padawan braid going as well. Oh, dude, the rat tail just comes out. Hell yeah. But Jigsaw. By Padawan learner. that guy just cut you off in traffic we've got to we got to trap him

man I was trying to think what would a Yoda be in this universe of we do not grant you the the rank of saw master or saw night and you're oh too young to begin the training got to be in your mid-40s definitely got to start in your mid-forties you got to find somebody older than Tobin Bell though and that's

just going to be a problem right there there should be a council of those old men and they all talk exactly the same way yeah no we don't grant you the rank you the rank of a sawmaster yet Martin Landau is there you don't know what it's like to become

the saw that's what it is though right it's like John Kramer he's just talking like completely differently and then it's like or Mandy Lord is talking like completely differently and then it's like all right

Hoffman you are now a saw master and his voice is like turning into the jigsaw voice like that's just what happens to you? You can expand the world that way, you know, just have that. And it's like, yeah, you know, it's sort of like the high table and John Wick, but our table is a round table because it looks like, yes, a song. Yes, indeed. Hoffman, you come here. It is time for you to take your dolly that you will use to scare people in videos. It is your personal dolly that you can use.

Oh, my God. Imagine how great would that be. There's now different dolls tormenting people. Hell yeah, definitely. And it's like, you know, you also don't have to use a tricycle. You can use those little battery-powered Barbie cars that kids sit in or the red and orange Fisher Price car. Power wheels, yeah. And you will need a second theme. The doll is one. I used to pick mask.

You can do whatever you want. You can do a burlap sack. That's kind of creepy. Goats would be good too. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Some horns. I like that.

Plastic Halloween kid mask. I don't care. You know, oh, don't do the scarecrow. Corey's got that. That's Corey's. Scarecrow is another guy on another job across town. Oh, excellent choice, Detective Hoffman. You've selected the Groucho Marx glasses, nose, and mustache.

I would definitely rock those. Fuck yeah. So scary. My God. Why to play a game? Hi, that. Yeah, isn't that what the killer's kind of wearing in, um, terror train with Jamie Lee Curtis?

All right, to get out of this trap, you got to find out what is an elephant doing in my hands. got to take the secret Wade which is play a game all right to get out of this trap the password you got to say the password oh you knew it was swordfish because of the movie you watched okay

all right next time so Hoffman at some point calls Eric's in and he's like hey you know what Strom's up to by a chance because he was like talking about he thought there was a man on the inside and now I can't find him

like just and it's just so like we get it like there's no twist here like you're just setting this up to this dude up to take the fall for all the jigsaw murder continuation but like just like the sister reveal it's meant to be this big shocking moment

when it does reveal that and I'm like we all already know who cares we already know yes and so Erickson's suspicion sort of deepens here because he goes into the records room or whatever in all the folders for those potential jigsaw

victims are missing. So I guess if he had those folders that he would be able to watch the flashback as well. Is that how the magic works? I think, yeah, dude, once you touch the folder, you know, it's kind of like the page master with McCauley Calkin, like you're pulled into the file. Got it. And you get the full story. So meanwhile, back in the fucking game that this movie is completely unconcerned with, you see, man, you see, they come out of these Ninja Turtle tunnels. You see how fucking obliterated that bald guy.

He's a bunch, you want to talk about hamburger help, but that's what that dude is. Absolutely. It's, yeah, it's kind of the best reveal of the movie. And like the fucking tweaker, trust fund kids, like, puking. He's so disgusted by it,

which is pretty awesome. And then something, something we're in a room with a bathtub of like four car batteries or five car batteries. And if you use all the car battery, if you connect all the car batteries together, that'll open the door,

but only if you do that. And then again, immediately Julie Benz kills Megan Good. It's like, well, that's how we're going to do it. It's like, I guess so. I mean, yes. That's kind of like, that's where you're sort of like, this is.

Yeah, we see where we're going. I mean, well, that's the thing is like you don't know whether or not it's out of character for this woman because you don't know what this character is. She just watched Megan Good murder the bald guy or like put him down and up that he got blown up. So like she must be thinking it's all for, you know, just doing whatever, save yourself

kind of shit. Sure. It's smart. because Megan Good like you said just killed that guy and it's like she was about to kill the tweaker guy here in the tub

and you know what happens after that she's gonna try to kill you yeah yeah exactly this character would be totally maniacal as a contestant on survival

oh man much more exciting by the way any episode of survival much more exciting than this show here's the thing Andrew

unlike most of those people on those shows she's not here to make friends you know what I mean most of the people Well, there are to make friends and not to win.

Big mistake. She's there not to make friends. Interesting. Got it. We get the, oh, this is where we get a flashback to the first movie where we see the setup

for the fat guy in the razor wire box. Oh my God. Barb wire guy here. And this guy, like, he's ready to fucking end it all tonight. He's in his car like Ray Winstone at the end of the departed chugging whiskey.

And he like breaks the butt. He's like, he sikes himself into it. He's like, d'r! And then like breaks this whiskey box. and he's ready to like slit his wrist but there's a oh a noise outside and in any other

movie you'd be like ooh an unknown noise in a horror movie like that could be scary and you're just like now where's the fucking pig mask guy oh there he is dude and then he goes full on fucking the big show here and it's just housing both

Costas Mandelor and Jigsaw and it's fucking rule yeah that's guy it's really really fantastic I need more of this like that's what makes movies like your next so great is that like you just watch these fucking murderers get like kicked into nuts and they actually have to like oh oh god they're not like they actually can get housed this is how you make an interesting set piece in a future saw a movie is what happens when one of these people actually get away your fucking plan doesn't work they're out in the world they're running out and now you have to expose yourself by being a fucking weirdo and a cape and a pig mask in the city street and I know this costs money but it would be fucking compelling in some way

more than this. Maybe but like I don't Eric to your point like yeah all this is better storytelling for sure it's soft vibe give up the ghost there's nothing good here it's all fucking dead ground

it's all been salted the earth is fucking dead because we wanted to be exactly it seems like but they put the guy in the razor wire thing and also I don't know dude let this fat guy kill himself

that's what he's got his heart said on. You don't know what his pain is. Suicide is a sin. It sounds like yeah. I don't know what the fuck my point of view is anymore either. It sounds like we're being pretty selfish there Stephen you know taking your life and not letting me kill you. But then he's like

oh no one remembers this but here here's Carrie Elway's this flashlight. Go give this to Danny Glover I guess. Carrie Elways didn't agree to be in the archival footage. There is a moment where you realize like we're basically told around

here that Costas Mandelaus Hoffman is basically responsible for the start of Saw 1 because in that there's one of his like training flashbacks or whatever So Pendulum guy happened in like 1995 It sounds like yeah

Something like that because he's like Oh Master Jigsaw I have to tell you that there's another cop who's getting closer His name is tap And like You don't remember that Danny Glover's name is fucking

Detective Taff and I had to look it up. But in 10 seconds you get the flashback of dating lover. But Master Jigsaw with the pig mask down, I can't see a thing. Excellent. But then this is all the we're setting up part two. And it's just this like, wouldn't it be cool if like we watched a movie and then we saw a sequel where you watch them build the set of the movie? No.

This is like John Kramer working on. this fucking peephole gun thing. It's like give me a new movie. Don't give me the fucking behind the scenes of Saw 2 and 1 and 3. Because much like they think that it's interesting or clever about people like

just that you don't know how they got in the room and now they're facing the challenge. It's a mistake of these sequels. It's also a fucking mistake to think that like just because the one time you did a reveal that was like the end of part 2 is the start of

one or they're in the same room or whatever it is, you then falsely assume that doing that every time is cool because it's like franchise tradition or whatever? It's a massive, massive miscalculation. I'm not even sure if they think it's cool. They just think it's, that's the only thought they have. They can't come up with anything new. Like that's just the, and they know how much something like that costs. They know it's only this amount of money, whereas anything else will be way fucking more. And you can glue it all together with flashbacks. And that stuff is free, so you're good to go. fucking sawdust and shit.

It's kind of interesting though between like twisted pictures and Lionsgate or whatever because we keep talking about yeah, yeah, yeah, the money, the money, money, money. Fine. And these movies are cheap, but like, why are we fucking, you know, claiming poverty here? Because these movies make a fuck ton of money.

This first one, part five, was the first one to not, you know, win the box office in its opening weekend of the sequels or whatever, but like even still, you've had four movies that fucking really raked in some cash. I just Googled this. I don't know if it's true, but apparently $10.8 million

made this movie and where did it go? 10.8 million was the budget for this movie you're saying? I guess like maybe, I hope at least Tobin Bell cleared a million. I hope so. I hope so. I really do. So 10.8 million for this movie box office was 118 million.

Invest in your franchise. Put a few more back. Well, you could do that, but then there's also stock buybacks you could do, which are a lot of fun and give you more power and then you don't have to give a shit about the product you're putting out, right? So that's nice. But yeah, so

Kramer is making him watch this fucking dude in the razor wire. Oh, this is actually where he says all the, it can never be personal stuff or whatever. But yeah, so then they do set up all the traps or whatever he locks the gun. And this is where he asks about Amanda for like two seconds.

Like, oh, is Shawnee Smith going going to be in this movie? Oh, she's not. Okay. No, she's in the eighth one. She'll be in the eighth one. Don't worry about it. She's coming back around. We're reanimating her corpse in a couple of episodes. I believe she's in Saw X.

Of course. She's going to be in a fucking flashback. That's yeah. I just need this show to, I need a, oh, Constance Mandelor, we have to face off against Darth Cop and Darth Fat Man. Oh, no. Fuck. And I would like the fat man to have like a dual, like, shattered glass thing that he's

fighting them with. I would say they would be fun I think. Two things. One yes, Shawnee Smith is in Saw X and horrible news from the internet. Really, really like devastating stuff. She's dead. Purported runtime for Saw X an hour and

58 minutes. God damn it. How dare you, sir? No, absolutely not. Wow. That's fucking righteous. Maybe we actually put some money into it this time. I doubt it. I really, really do. Yeah, we've been we've been saving our pennies since 2004 and now with Saw X

we're blowing out the budget. No, never mind. The director's the same one as Saw 3 and 4. Oh, okay. Oh, how about oh, I think we actually mentioned that on our Saw 4 live show. Well, you also edited Saw, Saw 2, and Saw 3 so you can remember this fucking shit. And also that guarantees more flashbacks. He's got them at the ready. I guess they're flash forwards now that we're doing a earlier. Oh, sure. Right. I forgot about the flash forwards.

Are we de-aging him like fucking De Niro and Irishman? What do you think? No, because I think it's a thing where like, I'll leave the door open, please. You can just totally play up like, you know, oh, well, he's just sick. So he just looks like older equals looking sick in this world. Oh, okay.

We're not getting, we're not getting de-aging technology here. Oh, you see Constance Mandelor, you soak up the wine with the bread. And then you eat it like this. So, Steve, this is your favorite scene because this, we get into the next room here. And this is where it's like, oh, we're figuring out more about what's going on here. This is Tweaker guys. Like, I accidentally killed a bunch of people because a drug dealer told me he'd give me some fucking age if I burn this building down and then eight people got killed. And then it's like, oh, Megan, good, you accepted bribes as preferential treatment for these business permits.

And just stop there. It's a huge. And yeah, you, you j-wocked one time. Who cares? I once to... Oh, you didn't file that invoice at work. You're going to hell. Did you know we're doing the TPS report on all the cover sheets now? I once watched you take a penny from that little penny

jar and the bodega. You're going to die now. It's take a penny, leave a penny. You're supposed to come back the next time and leave the penny. And you didn't do it. We never left the penny, and now the bad penny turned up. That's all you do is take, take, take. Well, now I'm going to take your organs from you. Yeah.

And you know, that sign above the jars and be the change you want to see in the world. And that was a fun pun. And you missed it. You didn't even chuckle. But this is, you know, so yes. This is actually, it's fucking brutal. Like, Megan Good, stabbed in the neck, drops dead. And then they're like, oh, we can fucking.

and throw her in this bathtub of water and hook all these electrodes to her and her body will be the conduit that powers the door to unlock everything. And this is really uncomfortable. We are just jamming hooks into this woman's corpse. Including

tweaker guy who gets her right in the fucking back of the head wild. Yeah, he's the last one. It's a hook. Because the first one is like power cables where you just put on to that leg or whatever. Then it's like it's a hook that you got to just go right in the head. and then they finally go into the

final room which is a wall with five armhole they could be dick holes we're not sure but I think the armhole A glory hole trap so while they're figuring out what to do with that this is where Jill saw acting on what she

finds in the box remember goes to this FBI agent Erickson dude this is the part where she's like thank you for seeing me so late at night which is so fucking stupid but this is where she's like, oh, I believe, you know, my involvement with all of this is over now that John Kramer is dead. Why are your people still following me? And he's like, what, what, what? And she's like, yeah, Detective Strom is following me. But yeah, so Strom, meanwhile, I guess is figuring it all

out. And he's talking out loud because, like, it's Gilmore guy just in scenes by himself, this whole movie and he's just like we were all supposed to die you were supposed to be the hero and this is like donnie walberg getting his head crushed all these cops getting killed or whatever um and so ericson now is oh oh no sorry i skipped over the funny part of that is when he realizes what's going on he's back in the room where like jeff's wife was dead and jeff was killed and jigsaw died like that room dude fucking gilmore guy flipping this operating table over because he's so angry Oh, funny. The Jeff room, we call it.

Oh, yes. Oh, the Jeff Suite. Of course. That's fair. Erickson now is like all getting his Walt Disney ass out there looking for Strom. He suspects, you know, something might be up here. So he's like trying to track him and shit like that. He assigns like a desk agent at one point to like track the dude's phone. And something, something Casas Mandelor has the phone. And he's calling him with it, but then he turns off the phone.

They can't find it. They're like setting Strom up, it seems like, because there's like the FBI profiles that that Erickson finds. And it's like, well, how did these get here? Obviously, it's Strom when it's actually Mandelor, right? Yeah. And so Mandelor puts the cell phone in his little workshop house there and turns it on. And then the woman's like, oh, Strom's at like, whatever this address is.

But the fucking dumb thing is like, shouldn't Erickson have known? well I guess because like Strom stole all the files that like shouldn't Erickson have known that that cell phone was in an evidence bag because you see Mandelor like stealing that at one point out of an evidence bag so it's like not Strom's like personal use cell phone or whatever I mean I don't know I'm getting a little picky here with fucking soft five it's absolutely I would believe that that was if you're asking if that is possibly a spot a whole a drive a truck through it moment there

I believe it because they clearly don't care like I mean like just like whatever it makes sense it's 90 minutes it'll make 10 million yeah you're right uh so yeah so now we're in this final room here these boxes with these saw blades in them and the whole thing is fill the beaker with what is it like 10 pints of blood and then the door will unlock right and they realize yeah the human body only needs 10 so if you give me five maybe you get out of this yeah but also you do have major arteries in your arm that you want to be careful about.

Yep, absolutely. Whoops, and that's the only way to get it fast enough. Oops. But they realize there's a whoops here because jigsaw's advice to them at the start of this was like, your instinct is going to be to do one thing. And you got to pull the George Costanza

and do the opposite. Because they realized like, oh, it wasn't an every man for themselves thing. All of these tasks could have been accomplished had we all helped each other from the jump and blonde lady didn't get killed. So actually John Kramer isn't a cynical piece of shit

who likes murdering everyone. He wants to bring people together. Oh, isn't that so sweet? Oh, that piece of shit. If you think about it, which is so fucked up and interesting, he's never killed anyone. Yeah, just like Hitler.

Which he reminds us again in this movie. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Costas Mandelor. I haven't killed anyone. I always give him a chance. It's actually a really fucking hilarious Tobin Bell delivery where he's like, I always give him a chance. I am not a murderer.

I am a manslaughterer. And in this game, here's what you have to do. You have to just fall backwards and hope your co-worker catches you. Like, yeah, if you, if I cut Chris's brakes and then I give him a bunch of puzzles to solve that he doesn't go into his car the next day, but he misses that and goes into his car and kills himself, I still go to jail every fucking time. But to be clear

you will be going to jail for manslaughter and not for actual murder and that's really important that I am not a murderer everyone. Yeah, even though this is the most premeditated shit on earth.

It's insane. It's insane. But so this is where Julie Benz is like oh fuck, that fire that you started Tweeker kid we're all in here

because of the fire because the fire, because the fire happened and then the building got demolished and there was a crooked permit that was given to develop real estate and all those eight people got killed and oh they're going to kill that poor

woman. I just I can't I can't. It doesn't make any sense like you need to set up this building fire in some way shape or form where it actually interacts with the rest of the movie. Maybe you see it fucking happen at the beginning of the movie. Yes exactly. I

wouldn't God I hate even thinking about this but there is a even a possibility that they do link it in in Saw Six in some way. Okay. The building fire? Oh, really? Because I feel like a fire does become like a major plot point for some reason.

But these things, I mean, to what we're all talking about. It's the Saw City Building Fire. Thank you, Borisi. No problem. No, I mean, like to what we've been talking about, like these movies immediately, other than the first one, these movies immediately evaporate from me. your brain. Like, unless you are obsessed with this shit, immediately these things go

away. You can't hold on to anything. Someone says game over and the toilet in my brain flushes. I'm done. And this movie goes down the train immediately. So, yeah, Strom follows Hoffman home or whatever at some point I think here. And this is where we see

the house. It's like the hideout or whatever I think is what this is. Eric shows up there. It's another fucking dilapidated building. I can't keep these straight. I'm sorry. According to the trivia, this is the house from the second movie that

fucking Costas Mandelor has renovated. Oh, wow. Okay. I don't know if it's true or not, but that was at least on the reliable tribute and trivia, you know. So this is the final, the final round of the game is happening now and this is they're like, well, oh, fuck, we're just going to have to pump all this blood out of our own arms. Like, it could have been a thing

where like the five of us just drained a little, but here we are. And this is, we're just jamming arms into these fucking table saws, man. Pretty tough watch. I would say, this one was tough.

It was weird because I kept expecting and this would actually be a better twist, not even a twist, but like a thing. Yeah. Because it looks like, because you're watching the dude's arm really go up really hard.

Yes. Don't really see what Julie Benz is doing. And like I kept expecting the end was her to be like, sorry, one of us had to survive. Yes, dude. I thought the same thing.

today. Absolutely. It would have been something. It would have been something. She then, like, the door opens and she fucking takes off that terrible wig and just, like, struts out totally a lot. I'm Jamie Kramer, his daughter. Oh, fuck.

From his first marriage, absolutely. Dude, Jigsaw's daughter? And yes, I'm only five years younger than his new wife. But still, we have a very complicated relationship, me and John. they both pass out from those injuries or whatever and uh strom finds the tape recorder in the room with hoffman on it this time so strom walks into this room there's a glass coffin looking thing with a bunch of like shattered glass inside it and then there's a tape recorder there and this is like hoffman doing the jigsaw voice and not even really doing it he's just kind of talking like this is where you get the ring toned of the theme song oh is that where this happened oh because i missed it when you you mentioned that, I was like, when the fuck did that happen? Oh, that sucks.

It was available. I'm sure, for a discount price while this movie was in theaters. I guess this, this, this tape recorder was like a clunky cell phone. And since this takes place in an alternate, I don't even know what time anything is. Right. It's 2008 in an hour time, but it's either like 0.4 or 05 in the movie time. Who the fuck knows? Anyway, yes. Bush is still president for most of this. Right. Oh, absolutely. So Julie Benz, we're cutting back and forth here and Julie Benz is like, oh, we won. And the dude with the fucked up hand,

dude, he raises his hand up. Dude, this was out of the thing. Yeah. This practical effect. I mean, I was like, or at least there I'm like actually getting a little something that I want in these movies, which is just gore. I mean, like, you know, that's sort of what we're looking for, right?

If there's anything to be found here, maybe, gore. And it was cool that it was like such a practical effect. Because like that decapitation at the beginning, that's just, it's a really bad CG. It is. It is. Even for like 2008, I was kind of surprised. It's kind of like it just happens and you cut away instantly. Yeah, exactly.

And to a point of what like also is usually in horror movies is women having fun and women like talking with people. And yes, some sexist fun stuff too. But like all the like there's these range of emotions just in these little scenes rather than just screaming and trying to kill each other. And that's right. There's no range of human emotion here whatsoever. It's just. Oh, my hand is fucked up. Well, they deserve it because of the Saw City Factory Fire. Eight people died. Yeah. And the permits weren't signed.

There's a light that'll never go out. It's the Saw franchise. I had a sister and I lost a sister, but heaven knows I'm Jigsaw now. Yeah, yeah. Girlfriend in, a Sawtrap. Panic on the streets of Nogeson. nowhere city so

whatever Erickson it's I mean it's honestly where like the last like five minutes of the movie Erickson fucking finds the workstation he finds the cell phone and he because he calls Strom cell phone it rings and then

he calls in to the FBI dispatch now yes like he sets a fucking arrest warrant out for Strom and then we get back into this glass coffin room or strom and Hoffman are like kind of fucking fist fighting for a while which is a little fun

it is and it's like there's a they're doing actually a what he called there a what do you call it? A coffin match kind of because there's this open plastic coffin thing that has broken glass in it and yeah and the tape recorder and it seems like

obviously that's where Hoffman wants Strom to go so they're fighting each other to see who's going to go into that coffin yes and uh you he tosses, Strom, tosses Hoffman in it and locks it and says, I got you motherfucker. Uh, and then basically it's

just like, uh-oh, uh, Hoffman starts like getting lowered back, back, back towards the floor and you realize the, the walls are closing in on Strom. Dude, now it becomes a buried alive match. Yeah, a little bit. For a quick second. But this is, we just, it's the fucking Star Wars

Garbage Compactor. That's how this movie ends. Yes, yes, it is. And it, well, it does his job for once. It finally, Yes, it actually works. That was an IMDB trivia, spoiler trivia that I actually could get behind. It's like, this is one of the rare times when a crushing room actually crushes someone. And I'm like, yeah, dude, whoever you are, I do find this interesting. I was trying frantically to tell R2D2 to shut out all the, shut down all the tractor factors on the detention level.

It didn't happen in time. Hey, Steve, can I ask you? Did you actually click? No, I never want that. You got a thumbs up that dude. I should have, yeah. but yeah this dude pops like a great man you see his fucking like arm bone pop out of his body the last yeah that was a good moment yeah yeah sure you know it doesn't go all the way with it no it's the end it's

it's under the fucking end of the movie like i'm like i gotta hear that and black title card a film you know a film by david hackle and i'm like what happened to jill so what happened at jill so and i need to hear his head his the melon of his head pop you know yeah yeah yeah like that you know how it sounds it's it's i don't but i i know you do. I mean, there's a good image where, like, Constance Mandelor has all the blood like dripping on the thing. Yes. That's like

cool. These are two interesting good images for a horror movie and then you're out like right at the fucking end. Like, God damn it, I hate this. It turns into a horror movie in literally the last shot of the movie, which is pretty crazy. And the thing is, you know, yeah, what happened to Jill saw? What was in that

box and so on? Who started that fire, that whole thing? Hey, stay tuned. months you'll be back in the theater seeing fucking Saw 6 or whatever the turnaround was. And there's going to be shit in that that also isn't explained but actually is very important to the seventh movie. This is like

proto Marvel shit. Like this was the first attempt to like just throw in random fucking bullshit and we'll set it up in the next one. Who gives this shit? Let's just do it baby. I don't remember how it goes after that because like six is the last one to be numbered because then it was like

Saw 3D I think and then the eighth one was Jigs saw and then I think then so the ninth one is spiral so that's why this is indeed Saw X is that if I do have the count right there maybe the one actually called Jigsaw is almost good

it's yeah it's as far as these movies go I was pleasantly surprised by Jigsaw I think it's actually funny enough I think that one's directed by the Daybreakers guys oh really is that right I think it's a brother I think it's a brother duo so you guys are telling me that Saw 3

is different from Saw 3 D. Yes. Yes. Saw 3 Saw 3D was Saw 7. There you go. The the Spirit Brothers here.

I think your your legislation about the numbers are needed. Thank you. Because I mean here's another comparison. Here you go. Friday the 13th part three is the 3D each one. You know? That's when you do it. And I know that you're embarrassed because the 10th saw the 9th.

Saw movie or whatever. But that's not my problem. You started this convention. You got to keep it going. All right. So wait a second. I'm looking it up right now. We're going to get the count. Saw. Saw 2. Saw 3, 4, 5, 6. Yeah. 3D is 7.

And then Jigsaw is 8. And then Spiral would be 9. Spiral would be 9. And then so this is Saw X. But it's kind of funny because in the follows part on IMDB, they don't actually acknowledge that spiral exists. But smart move. If you're making saw, but, oh, yeah, it's awful. But, like, if you're making Saw X,

Saw 10, like, you have to include it. Otherwise, then your math is just off. I mean, I guess so, but also, you know what, I don't want to give him too much shit about Spiral, because theoretically, that's the kind of thing I want. I want these spinoffs. The problem you have there is that you asked Chris Rock to act. That was your issue, and you should have nipped that in the bud early on. You have it, you have Chris Rock trying to act against Samuel L. Jackson. Do you know how embarrassing that is. Any idea? That was a weird

he'd been Chris Rock has been acting for 20 years but somehow there was like a monkey's paw wish he made that in the year 2021

where he got all these opportunities that he'd never had before and he was terrible at all of them he's always bad I mean other than unless he's playing

like a version of himself like that top five movie like those those almost work those movies almost work but like when ever he's doing serious stuff, it's a nightmare. Well, that's why, like, I'd prefer, like, you know, at least like his comedies. Like, what, like, down to you?

Down to Earth. I think I love my wife. Down to Earth. Uh, uh, head of state. Wasn't that another one? What's the one where he's like a twin? Oh, bad company. Bad company.

Yeah. So, like, those things versus like Fargo and Spiral and all, you know, like that's, it's just a I have not seen spiral, but it is double the budget. of this does it looks better it looks way better it's a world we're going outside it's yeah it's an actual it's we're going and playing outside movie like you can tell there's a there is a budget there

that was the dude this sucks and it will always be the case right you can't undo stuff like this spiral was the first movie I went back to the theaters for when the pandemic was done down a little bit mine's more embarrassing than yours what was yours? Mortal Kombat

oh yeah I would back dude but you know what dude Mortal Kombat 2021 is a better movie than Spiral though I believe honestly I believe you so anyway

that is the end of fucking Saw 5 by the way we stopped talking about the movie 10 minutes ago fuck it go around the horn here final thoughts Eric Sisko yeah no for me

I think this is the worst saw movie I've seen I've only seen them in order so far I think I don't think I've jumped ahead at all but sure I mean the first two are you know

there's at least something there I thought 4 was bad but this is this is the this is the worst so far for me I can't recommend it in good conscience because there's nothing here there's nothing here it's just we're flashing back to other movies and I couldn't

fucking give a shit yeah I'll jump in and just say yeah obviously not a recommendation for me I'm very happy for everyone who's so stoked for saw X like hey that's cool like what you like this shit is just aggressively not for me and I think it's just bad and poor

made on top of it not being for me so absolutely not Steve Sadek Yeah no this is I agree with Eric This is the worst of the saw movies And I've never liked a single one But this is absolutely the worst Thus far because

I just watched just like An hour and a half before we started And like it ended and I was so mad I was just like I was just so because like the other ones At least fulfill the brief Of a horror movie or fulfilled the brief Even of a saw a movie here

Again we are writing checks that were just like we'll do that in the next one don't worry because we've never done that before we've done like we'll in the next one we're going to connect things even more and blah blah blah and like you'll see the other end of a phone call or whatever bullshit this is just like ah we threw up a ball we'll catch at the next one i don't know who cares and uh so yeah that that that and i think even like part four has donnie walberg getting crushed by two ice cubes that which we do flashback here because it was awesome but like none of that is none of that nothing is nothing is is as exciting or as fun. I don't, yeah, I think the traps are cool in this one either. FYI. Yeah, oh, that Donnie Wahlberg death is so cool. They show it to you twice in this movie. Chris Cabin, final thought of the evening.

I would like to believe that this is the first one, the worst of the bunch so far. But here's the problem, as we've gone over before, like other than the first one and jigsaw, the ninth one, or is it, that's the eighth one, sorry. I remember those two, every other one, immediately evaporates. Like, there's just, I don't remember any of it.

Like, five, for all I know, might be better than three, because I don't remember three, and I don't care. But to your point, like, this is just a waste of time. And I wish I knew, the people who do like these, I wish I knew what you liked about this, because I don't understand any of it. Like, to me, it's all gore. And the gore is not very good.

The only reason you would do, you would like this, especially is because one thing it has a lot of, is women screaming for help and not getting it. And I assume you really like that. But I don't know because I don't know what else is there to like other than Tobin Bell, maybe. See, I like women screaming for help and not getting it, but I need that set up, Chris.

That's the thing. That's the problem with these movies. Is it live in the... I know I was going to see environment, but there is no environment in these movies. But that's the problem is it needs it. Live in the hole. Get out of the bunker for part of the film.

Maybe. We would hope. I'm just looking through back on Letterbox. of like what I rated the other ones coming up. And so 6 and Jigsaw, I both rated 2 and a half stars and then saw 3D

so in the middle there, I rated one star. So I don't know. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't tell you anything that fucking happens in any of those movies. I don't know why one was 2 and a half stars and then the next one was one. I could not tell us. I just glanced in mind it looks like I like saw 4 the most. Look at me. Oh, hey, there you go.

That is going to do it our episode on Saw 5. Of course, this is just the start of the Halloween spooktacular, folks. We are getting it going. Also over on the Patreon, patreon.com slash we hate movies. We're Steve Sadeck, we're talking about what masterpiece on WLM? And it's also sort of spooky. It's Blade, awesome vampire-killing movie with the great Wesley Snipes. We had a lot of fun on that episode. Absolutely. And Steve, you know, what's funny is because I was just thinking, Spuctacular, and I know this is coming on September, so that's why you said Blade. I was actually

fucking, in my mind, dude, I was thinking about October's. Oh. So we'll have to save that. I'm getting confused to when these episodes are coming out. Yeah, no, we're still September gang. Here we go. Animation Damnation. Out now, of course, is all about an episode of King of the Hills. Here are thoughts

on that Melro 210. We're still in fucking Paris over a 90210 at that point. Things are getting you know, things are getting heated up on Melrose Place, of course. And Eric, who are we talking about on the Gleeve glossary this month. Well, this month of September, uh, because the spookacular started early, we are talking about the pod race pilots of Star Wars episode

one. The first movie we kicked off the month with. So we're kind of a little compendium for you guys to go through. It's, it's a supersized episode. It's about an hour. And by the way, just between you and me, you can get ad free episodes of the main feed now on Patreon at the $8 level, including this one. If you, didn't like anything you heard ad-wise on this episode. Get hit to that Patreon. Absolutely. Now, Steve Sadek here on We Hate Movies Prime, as we call it.

Next Tuesday, an all-new episode is dropping both on the free feed and on the ad-free Patreon. What are we going to be talking about that? Oh, you know, it's an excellent day for an exorcism, and it's even worse day because it's the exorcist the beginning. Ooh, for 2040. Yeah, this is the Harlan joint, right? So this is the movie that was taken away from Paul Schrader and remade

with a lot of the same material. Rater recut it. I forget what it's called. Dominion, the prequel to be Exorcist. I want to say, though, what you see in Exorcist at the beginning, there's not a lot of Shrader there. It's a fucking terrible movie. I'm kind of excited to go back to it

because like, aside from fucking Exorcist 3, I do not like these Exorcist sequels. The John Borman 1-2, no thing. Red Borman did part two. Yeah. The Heretic is terrible. Yeah. Yeah, no good there. So, yeah, I don't know. I'm really

excited about it. We will have to see just how bad it is. I'm really terrified it's going to be like me being like, geez, you know, it's a lot better than I remember. Well, that shows you the state of the things, you know? I mean, I guess that's true. So we'll just have to wait and see. So until next week

where we're talking, Exorcist, the beginning. Terrible title. I've been Andrew Jupe. Stephen Seda. Eric's sister. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. We all go a little mad sometimes. You know, it's Halloween. I guess everyone's entitled to one good scare. Sometimes, death is better.

The zombies have entered the building. They're at the door. They're coming in! It is time to keep your appointment with the Wicterman. They're coming to get you, Barbara. Are you sick for fucks you've seen one too many movies. Now, Sid! Don't you blame the movies! Movies don't create psychos! Movies make psychos!

More creative! Put the fucking lotion in the bag! What's an excellent day for an exorcism?