We Hate Movies - S14 Ep714: Fred Claus

Episode Date: December 26, 2023

“What I don’t understand, is how he does not have a guest room for people to come visit him!” - Chris on Santa’s lackluster accommodations On our final episode of 2023, we’re racing toward New Year’s to get away from the exhausting, Ghost of Christmas Movies Past that is, Fred Claus! Why did they have Rachel Weisz’s character be a traffic cop? Is Vince’s character seriously trying to open a brand-new OTB in 2007? How did we let a fun Giamatti Santa performance get lost in this dreck? And how unsettling did these elf special effects need to be, my god?! PLUS: How many times does this movie rip off Elf? Try to keep track!  Fred Claus stars Vince Vaughn, Elizabeth Banks, John Michael Higgins, Miranda Richardson, Rachel Weisz, Kathy Bates, Trevor Peacock, Ludacris, Jeremy Swift, Kevin Spacey, and Paul Giamatti as Nick ‘Santa’ Claus; directed by David Dobkin. Want more WHM? Join our Patreon fam today and instantly unlock hours and hours of exclusive bonus content, including Ad-Free WHM Prime at the $8 level and up! Make the WHM Merch Store your one-stop shop for the holidays! Including new Polish Decoy, ‘Jack Kirby’, and Forrest the Universal Soldier designs! 

This week on the program, it's time to discuss a completely different kind of Paul Giamatti Christmas movie. It's Fred Claus. I'm Andrew Jupin. Oh, no, Stephen Zeta. Eric Siska. Chris Claus. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Thank you for tuning into we hate movies. That's right. We're a comedy show that folks fun at movies of all kinds. This week. We're talking David Dobkins' 2007 holiday debacle, Fred Claus. It's a David Dogkin. Excuse me. What a dogkin. wow put it down yes please if you would i don't want to poke this movie this this was tough it's a tough it's a full two hours yeah it's exactly the fucking balls the absolute balls on

this movie to be almost two hours i mean we're talking about a lot of stuff before like even before kevin spacey walks into frame i'm like we've got too much to handle here and then all of sudden kevin spacey shows up dude i'm already juggling like vince vaughn is supposed to be some like real estate hustler, whatever, on top of being the older brother of Santa Claus, give me a break. But this didn't become like a Christmas tradition movie, really. Maybe for some like Dahmer households, but the lesser Dahmer households. Hey, Maul, wake up. We're going to watch Fred Claus. It's Christmas. Willa Dahmer. You know the tradition. We eat mayonnaise sandwiches and watch Fred Claus.

Then and only then do we open presents. I mean, this sounds like a Midwest Christmas right there for sure. But the Kevin Spacey has some holiday heaters of his own, right? Those weird videos he posts. Isn't that Christmas? Let me be frank.

Let me be frank. It's got, it's a, it's a royals mug. The mug has like something from the queen. He's in like a red sweater though. So like kind of. I guess that's it. The queen is you trying to pull that car? Well, that's, of course, there are 100,000 conspiracy theories being like,

he's talking to Queen like, I know Prince Andrew. Hello. I could do something. America. How could I, beloved character actor, Kevin Spacey,

who's doing a voice right now for no good reason? How could I be a sexual predator? How could I Frank Underwood not finish my barbecue? I don't know, man, you seem to be like broken

from reality enough as it is. Did he stop doing those? He must have. I haven't heard about those. There was a dry spot. There was only two of them. I think there's only two actual ones. once. Yeah, that was more than enough. I don't need any more.

The first one really did break everyone's brains. Like, what is happening? Again, speaking of balls. It was just like, the fucking balls on this guy. sequestering myself in a bathroom while the family watched TV to tune in to what was going on with Kevin Space. Just rewatching it. I got diarrhea. I got diarrhea. Can you guys get me my note pads? I need to start writing some of this down. But it's so bizarre. I hope you bring them back. I won't. That's, I mean, my favorite thing in the world is Paul Schrader, of course, the most woke man to ever live. Of course. It being like, what, now, I would love to make a movie with Kevin Spacey. I don't know why anybody. I mean, yeah, I know he had his problems, but I have such

a good role for Kevin Spacey. I don't believe you have a problem with this. It's a movie about a guy who everybody likes professionally, but always thinks it's kind of a jerk personally. Right. Then it turns out one day his life is totally blown up due to a sex abuse scandal. Just perfect role for Kevin. But you know, he's sitting down at a desk with some whiskey writing it all out. Yep.

Now we got a Paul Schrader movie. We're having a good time. Well, that's, I mean, that's the scary thing is that you just noticed, oh, by the way, this is the Fred Clause episode, not the Paul Schrader episode. But you can just imagine people being in a bind because people would be like, I don't know, it's kind of good. It's a Paul Schrader movie.

Paul Schrader is Santa Claus's older brother that's right Vince Vaughn is supposed to be the older brother of Santa Claus in this thing Can we just not talk about this movie

Can we just like How about just an hour Just chit-shed I mean I do How was your week Eric My week was okay Honestly I'm waiting for like that Pick Me Up

That usually comes at some point But it's not here yet Well we're doing Harry Potter later I'm sure you're gonna be Very happy then I mean I do I like the alternate reality of a family

that's like, I mean, I don't understand people who like a Christmas story or fucking National Lampoons. It's Christmas with the cranks. It's Fred Claus. And it's four Christmases. Those are the ones. 90% of America.

Sure. I'm not even kidding. I really don't think so. Four Christmases does get play, I think. What is that one again? That's a Narvon. It's another one's fun to come out the year after this because I guess he was just like,

and smartly there. I mean, like, and this movie is very clearly like, Elf made a gazillion dollars and those guys knew each other obviously like Farrell and Vaughan are close. Favro directed Favreau and Vaughan are close Peter Billingsley produced it They're all you know what I mean

So the web of lies He should have been elf But actually would that make Elf not very good Well because the whole reason Elf works Is because Will Ferrell is so charming In that buddy the elf Can you imagine this fucking cynical Tall tree of a man

I still have not seen Elf because all the clips are like Will Ferrell screaming. I'm like, no, thank you. Just wait for it to be on TV someday. I mean, you probably don't even have TV anymore. Okay. Probably on right now. Thanks.

Good point. I love commercials. Yes. That'll be a nice reprieve during the film. That's, I think, what this is, is trying to hit that note of anti-Christmas, Christmas, Christmas movies, at least up front. Like, Bad Santa. Like, Scrooge, yeah, and Bad Santa would be the clear thing that it's trying to do, at least in the

beginning. but it moves so far back into the form of trying to be a normal sweet Christmas movie by the end of it. The end of the movie is Shnate O'Connor sings Silent Night while kids open presents reverently. Yeah. Like this is not a, this is exactly your grandma's Christmas. You know what I mean? In the end, in the end, he's got that rough persona,

but in the end, we all become Christmas buddies together. I have to imagine that's part of the $100 million production. of this fucking thing is that they had to re-shoot things. Where is the money? This had to be shot earlier and that just had to be... Vince Vaughn's definitely got some

like different-ish haircuts floating around towards the end of the movie. I think also though you're spending a lot of that budget on this facial replacement technology so we can put adult faces on the bodies of children for these elves. For John Michael Higgins.

Yes. Yes. As Willie. You need... to have a minute. You couldn't just cast a small person. You had to have John Michael Higgott, the other guy fucking best in show.

Chris, that is what, that's them spending their $100 million all the one blow. You just really had to do it. Health did, and again, my wife's family loves Elf, so that's a, I've seen I've been married to my wife, I've known my wife for 12 years, so I've seen it 12 times. Really? It's a yearly thing

and I've come to really like Elf, I have. But Elf, the smart thing, there is they do the Lord of the Rings thing. It's just like Bob Newhart and they're just sizing him down. By the way, $93 million budget on Fellowship of the Ring. A hundred million dollar budget on

Red Clause, yes. Seven more million dollars. I know it's a few years later. No, I don't care. Yeah. The market didn't rupture that bad. There's no Balrog in this movie. Did I miss him? Did I miss the Barrow? You missed the scene where the Balrog comes

in when Vince Vaughn's looking at that real estate at the beginning, and the Balrog's like, but I wanted to open a store here on the corner. And then Vince Vaughn hysterically riffs with this guy. He just improvs with the Balrog. Classic comedy. Oh, God. Yeah. Vince Vaughn has this, this idea. He's going to open this off track bedding.

Yes. Parlor. OTV. Which is like those don't exist anymore. Do they? I mean, in the scuzziest parts of Scuzville, absolutely. I feel like New York that don't exist. Yes, they don't exist in New York.

They got rid of them here, I think, was the idea. But, like, they're still kind of around. Oh, yeah. But the notion that a dude is trying to do this in 2009 and has this great way to reinvent the off-track betting game, stupid as sin. Again, though, that speaks to a, like, disgusting, like, got character. And a bad Santa-esque character, like, he's this piece of shit who wants to open an OTB. That's his dream. And like you start

I mean you start with the history of Santa Claus and Oh Kathy Bates loudly giving birth To a wet Santa in this Giant baby It's so disgusting This is like It really reminds you that we're still animals

This scene It's somewhere in the middle ages There's a fairy tale narration Somewhere somehow Some like what is any of this What is this? Did you read what's going on here though? So this narration which pops up like

Twice and only twice. It's the guy who plays Santa's father in this movie. And they had him, like, read this thing as the narration, but, like, it's sad and weird. Like, the dude doesn't speak in the movie on camera because he had, like, severe dementia. Yeah.

But you're just putting this dude in this movie. Why? What was the importance of having him in it? I don't know. The actor's name of the thing is Trevor Peacock. Peacock. He was diagnosed officially with dementia. Two years.

after this release, yeah. Oh, so they didn't hang out the one yet? So maybe like his lines weren't working and they're like, oh, well, just have Kathy's Bates say that role. Yeah, it's, it is really tough. It's weird when you watch it and don't know. And then it's sad when you watch it and know. But so, like, she gives birth this wet fat.

They say like, oh, that's a fattest baby I've ever seen. Yep. And here comes the grossest thing. This little baby going, ho, how, how, how. Oh, how, how, how. Chilling. I was so disturbed. Dude, and there's people gathering around the warming TV, warming glow every year going,

when's the baby Santa going to say, ho? Yeah. Gather around kids, the hot, wet birth of Santa Claus coming out of this other animal is happening. Meanwhile, Kathy Bates' fucking bicep is like swollen and throbbing from holding this giant thing in her arm. It's disgusting. This thing is disgusting. And there's Fred Claus who's older, the older brother of Santa Claus. And in the beginning, he's very happy.

He's like, oh, I'm going to be the best big brother I can. Oh, yeah. Is this the kid from the way, way, way back, by the way? Yes, I look. Oh, is it? Yeah, okay. But here he's playing the way, way, way back because it's the middle ages. Hello.

Excellent dad joke, dude, right on the sketch. Yeah, well, put that under the tree. You are correct, sir. And it's this, you know, I got to say it's this weird thing where the most movie doesn't quite let you know what the deal is as far as their little kid who they just named Nick becoming Santa Claus and it's like this weird oh he was just so nice yes and here he is he's like becoming this little pear-shaped child it's a kid to fat suit yeah which is weird and he's like it's his birthday and he's like I'm going down to the orphanage to give all my

birthday presents away to the kids who need it or whatever and then like this pisses off Fred Claus because he gives him like an or an orate box it says Nick on it It's kind of a funny thing where he's like, what orphan down there is going to want a diary that says Nicholas on it. I mean, he's got some good point. I'm not going to say, Fred is not completely out of league here. He's actually talking some truths here, especially when he fucking kills that. Well, it doesn't kill the bird. But it kills the bird house.

Yes. Fred Claus is sitting in a bird house and like talking to this bird. Like, you're my only friend, chirp, chirp, and the tree falls. And Nicholas, like, you love the tree so much. I thought we'd bring it inside. And it's like. So it's like, you're, how it's like you're. it's so weird.

You're just like watching this little kid come up with the idea of Christmas. Yes. What are you doing? No Jesus whatsoever, by the way. No, no, because we're just, you know what it is? Pagan. This is what happens.

This is what happens when you raise kids alone in the woods. You're fucking dog tooth in these kids. They're just coming up with holidays. And now I'm putting a tree in my house. Because they don't know nothing from society. Nope, that airplane's a giraffe. You're right. Nope. Nope.

That's what it is. Oh, that cat on the walls a monster. out for the monster. Don't you worry about it. But like, yeah, I mean, this is also just terrible parenting. Like, of course you would not. Hey, Nick, go take this saw out to the middle of the woods and chop down a tree. Great idea, baby. Uh, in the line of terrifying Santa details in this movie. Because again, because it's not your mama's Santa movie, we got to make up some new stuff here, including once you are sainted. And I guess this is indeed in the Christian sense of Saint Nicholas. This is true. This is true.

To be a saint, you have to be dead. That's a whole fucking point. And you have to have committed three miracles, I believe. Yes. Three provable miracles and dead. Okay. So I just have to die. Okay. Dying. We'll fix that this afternoon, dude. Eating a lot as a child, alienating your brother. Yep. You're getting close there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Freddie Siska. This episode is probably a miracle. What they say, though, it's so weird. It's like when you become a saint,

you freeze in time and live forever as do all your family members and any loved ones. So if you start like this woman later in the movie starts dating Santa Claus at some point, like by the way, if you want to keep this thing going, you're going to live

forever and not age. Not a bad move, man. Yeah, I didn't know. That's how you that's how you, Paul Giamatti, pulled Miranda Richardson. That's how that goes. Right. Santa Claus kind of like a vampire. A little bit. He's in that league at least. They're talking. Right. And that's the thing is that we smash cut.

It's like Vince Vaughn is a repo man. Isn't that funny? It's the opposite. But Steve, let me stop you real quick. You're the, you're the religious expert on the show. Of course.

Because you had a really Catholic upbringing. There are a lot of saints, right? Tons of saints. Bumpin into all these motherfuckers. There'd be nothing but saints. And also like, again,

most of those were martyred. So I guess if you're frozen in time, it would be kind of like, it would be like beetle juice. Everyone's walking around. Oh, man. Hold of their. St. Lucy's holding her eyeballs.

Like, Help me. Oh, don't say it two more times. She'll show up. No, no, no, no. Oh, no, no. Oh, you want to bring the saints in. You want this thing to be $150 million, do you?

But it's, we're just a smash cut. He's a repo man. So it's the opposite of Santa Claus. I get that show. A good idea. They do nothing with. It's just the first scene. And, but the problem is, like, we'd never talk about Vince Vaughn being like, hey,

uh, hey, Nick, thanks for making me immortal for, like, I've, I've, I've, I've, I've cheated death for thousands of years. I've seen the plague. I've seen World Wars 1 and 2. I lived through slavery, by the way. What was going on then? Great point. Because you have this dude who has lived through time.

What's another friend of ours that has lived through time? Wolverine. That's true. Sure, but a better example of this, Highlander. Okay, because the point I'm making is as follows. Highlander, McLeod spends decades. centuries upon centuries collecting art

amassing this fortune, blah, blah, because you live forever. Vampires taking things from people wherever. You have all this shit. How is it that after centuries on this earth, Vince Vaughn, Fred Claus, you're just a fucking Chicago repo man, you fucking loser. You

absolute eternal fucking loser. That's because you have to imagine like in the Pishman, they're like this is how we connect to the normal Chicago man. It's we make him in every day. Yeah, but he's an immortal. Fuck that. We go back on it immediately. We just completely forget about it. Also, like, you know, Santa, his hair going gray to white. Changing. That means everything that came before fucking bullshit. He's changing all the time.

His back is breaking. To your point, Chris, like, it would make more sense to just take Vince Vaughn's character, Fred Claus, and just have him in the North Pole the whole time. He's a shit-heeled dude. And he's hooking up with ladies, like bar maidens or whatever. Like he exists in the magical world as well. And that makes, like, it just relieves so many questions. You're totally right. And also I will say because we were talking off the air about how the Santa Claus, the Tim Allen movie is better than this, which yes, it is.

100%. But one of the things that we criticized that movie for rightfully so is the idea of you have no idea what the North Pole is besides just like the little bit of the workshop they show you. This movie does start out doing a good job of being like, the North Pole is a town and here's the post office and there's all these businesses. So like in there it could be like, oh, someone

finds out like, oh, you, Santa, you have a brother? Yeah. If you go down Main Street, a couple of doors, listen for the loud southern rock blaring. And there is Fred Claus. That would be a better movie. Also, like, if you do the repo thing, go into it where he's like, maybe he's got the speed of Santa Claus and he could repo everyone.

Oh, yes. One day. And then at the end of the movie, he's got to help Santa and bring everything back. But he's got to be a loser. And like, that's a key thing to it. Like, he can't be the head of waste management at the North Pole as much as I wish he was. Oh, he could be, listen, he could be like a North Pole bartender. Find a cute way to put a bar in the North Pole bar. We have it.

There's a North Pole bar in this movie. Oh, is it? Oh, right. Yeah. Agnog. Yeah, the Agnog thing. So he could be a bartender there. All right.

See, this is already, God, God damn it, dude, I'm telling you guys, the four of us. with our powers, combined the best script doctors. If you gave me $100 million, I could make you a movie called Fred Claus. I'll be worth a day. Right? I'll tell you that much. I tell you that much. You give me $500,000 I'm making a better version of this.

But like, yeah, I mean, all of that stuff, like, you want to talk about, find some room here to expand the relationship between Santa and Fred. Get rid of the whole Elizabeth Banks and John Michael Higgins thing. You better believe it. Throw it right in the trash.

Yeah, but where would Elizabeth Banks Tits go if that was the case? I mean, they could still be around. I'm not saying they can't be around. They just can't be a focal point of the movie. She could be, you know, the lady at the North Pole that Fred Clause may be used to date. Oh, yes. Oh, here comes my scumbag ex-boyfriend, Fred Clause. Can you believe this guy?

That would make her a character instead of just this empty vessel to be pined for. Yes, this romantic ideal because she's wearing like practically nothing this entire movie. And why is she a human? Thank you. Why is she a human? What is her deal? That's a great question. I think that's a secret, like, kidnapped on Christmas one year.

Oh, yeah. Oh, you'll do nicely. Yeah. The elves wanted something to play with. Oh, no. That's right. Oh, yeah. You're going to grow into a nice, pretty girl.

Well, that's, oh, maybe it's a thing. It's like, oh, the tale of Santa's first Christmas or whatever. And he's out on the job, and it's like rookie year, right? Like, Santa, year one. And it's Giamati. And he goes down the day. the chimneys, like give me the gifts or whatever, and then his fat Santa ass knocks over a candle and lights this little girl's house on fire. It's like, uh-oh. Now Santa's like a firefighter.

Parents instantly evaporated. Exactly. He saves Elizabeth Banks as like a little 10-year-old girl. And he's like, now I'll go back in for your folks. Uh-oh. And you just see this building collapsing in a wall of fire. I'm not going to adopt you until you're of age. Then you'll stay that way forever. I could get the dog or the cat either. It's all. It's all. hash down there now, Banshee. Grandparents are there. Yikes. Wow, what a catastrophe. Yeah, your grandfather was definitely still alive when it was happening.

I was hearing something. I'm pretty sure he was alive. I think you're right, though, Eric. You have to not, you got a hold off signing them adoption papers until she's an adult. Like, right now you can stop aging. It's, uh, because this was the sex pot phase of Elizabeth Banks' career. Right. Like your 40-year-old virgin kind of area. I always felt like she was kind of a welcome person.

I think she's funny. She's so personal. When you allow her to be funny. Exactly. You know what I mean? Even in those Spider-Man movies, like she's just like, I'm pretty.

I'm like, yeah, I know. Could she say something? I literally forgot she was in those. Yes. But Betsy Brandt? She's playing.

Okay. Fred Clause is a shit heel, repo man. Who, by the way, is dating Rachel Weiss. Uh-huh. Who looks like Rachel Weiss. Yes.

Talks like Rachel Vise. Is British and somehow is a, traffic patrol cop. A Polish American Chicago police officer. She's got a Polish last name. Does she really? Yes, she does. When Fred Claus goes to the fucking, I don't know,

Professor X sphere. Yeah. The surveillance state snowboard. Exactly. The Lucius Fox system. That's what I like it, Mr. Claus. Now you are going to turn this off after I'm done here, Mr. Claus. Are you not? Wanda Blinkowski, Chicago, Illinois, and it's just like,

what the fuck, dude? What the ever-loving fuck? First of all, you got England trying to deport Polish people by the barrelful. It's the Vince Vaughan Chicago syndrome. Like, yeah, the breakup is also all about Chicago. Do it. Then be Chicago. But here's what might have been going on. What's the year on that Constantine movie? Is it not also 2007? It's pretty close if it's not. Because in that movie, she's trying to do an American accent. Sure.

And it ain't great. No, thank you. And I think in this, it was like, oh, yeah, you're, you know, this Polish traffic cop. You got to do the Chicago accent. And like, they tried it. It didn't go great. Guess what then? Here's your walking paper.

Yeah, sure. No, I mean, honestly, I prefer it this way. It's just like, it's so clear that you were just, this was all just like a marketing thought. Like, all this was just like, well, we have to. It's Vince Vaughn's movie. It has to be a Chicago movie. movie, but also has to be a big Christmas movie. Oh, we need someone

sexy, though. Yeah, also. That's that. But if she's just a British, like, I don't know, like, she's dating him. She's like an advertising executive or something. You know what I mean? She's got like some regular, maybe she's a bartender. There's so many British and Irish bartenders in all

these great land. She's a sexy bartender. She could at least do an Irish accent as a cop. I'd appreciate that. By the way, Constantine's 2005. So they already knew. The word was out. They already knew at this point. Listen, you're going to hire her. She's a great actress. She's gorgeous. That American accent ain't worth a good holiday

goddamn. It was so, Wanda Smythley. Like, just a different last name. Just change the last name. Or honestly, swap her with banks, have banks play the cop. Yeah, sure. And why in the world would you emigrate from England and at this point, eschew all of your health care

and the EU, by the way? Well, they're trying to actively do that themselves. And to have the world shittiest job. Like the world's shittiest job in Chicago. I don't know. Have you tried their sausages? It is lovely. And then the Cubs are fantastic. And the city is lovely. I do

love Chicago. But yeah, I'm coming here as a European that's nuts. It's the civil service traffic cop part of it. Yes. Exactly. Literally anything. A literal shit shoveler as a job. I guess at the presumption. I don't know.

Like it doesn't make sense that she's still with them in this world, but I guess they thought it would be even worse if she was like some high-powered, like, marketing exec, and she's allowing this shit to happen. Again, one word bartender, it just fixes it. It's fine. It's store.

Everyone should be a bartender. Yes. You know, so anyway, she's pissed off if you can even believe it because he's a scumbag dude to date. They're fighting about, like, moving in together or whatever. He's dragging heels if you can believe it. Oh, my God. And he's like, well, I mean,

When is he going to tell her that he's immortal? Yes, he's only had a thousand years to soy his royal oats. It's true. You know, it's just terrible. Every time I fall in love with somebody, they die 70 years later. And it's like a blink of an eye for me. It's like a legitimate concern that the movie just forgets to address. But like when she's at the North Pole for that one scene later,

there has to be something that comes up about this. Especially because she's with him at the end of the movie. And it could be funny. Do smash cuts of him. the Industrial Revolution, Great Depression, whatever. Yep. It's a smooth talking. That's his whole thing is the speedy talking.

You get with the deal makers. You could be selling elixirs all across the south. And here's the thing, it's halfway funny if you're doing that period stuff and he's just talking like Vince Vaugh. Yes. That's like half of a laugh. Yeah. It's, can he sire a child?

Like, how does that shit work? I don't know. Oh, yeah. Fred Claus is down through the ages. Not me. I got snipped. Well, I mean, I assume after 200 years of age, they just all die. You just got lazy guys.

It's also her birthday coming up. Like, what are we doing for my birthday? And then he's like, oh, and he sees an advertisement. Bonsai Palace. Yes. Oh, boy. I guess this is a very out of date, Benny Hanna joke. Absolutely is.

It's going to get shut down by the race police. I'm going to tell you that much. Jesus Christ. Later on, because it's like. I wish the race police. existed. I got you. Yes. We're going to go for your birthday, which is tomorrow. I didn't forget. We're going to Bonzai Palace because it's the billboard he sees from the window. Speaking of Kevin's face, he's usual suspecting.

Yeah, yeah. Bonsai Palace. That's where we're going. Barbershopping. Actually, my name is Sam Goody. But it turns out the... It turns out to be a farting restaurant. Where people... I watch this with captions on. Yeah. They're talking about farting all over that scene. There's a lot of fart noises in the background of that scene they're fighting and they're farting and you're supposed to be eating dinner and the guy the you know

and it's just your habachi restaurants which are fun I mean they're a bit much you know to a point yeah like it is like once every 10 years that shit can be and it's always got to be a birthday party like you you don't want to go as a couple you want to go as a group bunch of people you want a lot of people then it's fun and you're flipping the thing in the mouth and sure but this guy's going like it's it is like the gong noise needs to happen with this guy is like throwing his sword in her

face. They are dining in hanging cages. There's cage fighting happening. There's outright cage fighting happening. I just was like for a minute I'm just like what the, where did this come from? But Vince von goes to his buddy and he's like hey I want to buy this

space. When can I buy this space to lay down money for my great OTB idea? He's just a little early you just go to get in the online gambling Vince. You just get it. You got to be You got to see through the trees. He's trying to get $50,000 to get this space for his OTB, which is across the street from like the Chicago Stock Exchange or something.

So he thinks that's going to be an instant moneymaker. To be clear, if it's only him and Rachel Weiss running the thing, it would be profitable for just them too. I don't think that's how it works though. No, but also like Steve's right. Even if this business is super successful, it's what, 2007, you got maybe seven years before that starts falling. Well, yeah, that. And also, you know what you can do there is, and this is something if you go across this great nation, you'll see in gas stations. You just put some of those electric slot machines on the side of the wall. You don't got to worry about money. Those things, they pay for your fucking kids' education. That's it. Those people, people will put their entire life into that machine. Do you remember, holy shit, this just kicks up. Yes. I know what you're talking about. And yes. When we were on tour, we went to Asheville, North Carolina, one of my favorite cities. and we went to a gas station.

We, like, had lunch. Oh, yeah. There was that sign that said no loitering or picking up other men. There was a sign and it said that the police were on the looking out for it. Well, I don't remember that. But what I do remember is walking to the bathroom and not even in the front of this convenience store, in the back hallway on your way to the toilet, two little slot machine things. And these dudes just, eh, pulling the fucking bar at a gas station.

It's like a Wednesday at like 11.30th of the morning. I remember the sign was no cruising that the police are on the lookout for it. It was like a sign from the police. It was metal. I mean, these guys at the little casino they had there. They had their coffee. They were there for the day. Because you're reading the paper while you're doing it.

Oh, absolutely. But like, maybe that's Fred Claus's thing actually. I'm thinking about it. Maybe that's why he's degenerate gambling. A shitty repo guy. He's always a little late on the idea. Like, you know what I mean? He opened a video store like in 1999.

He's like, this is it, dude. This is amazing. I started pineapple computers. Oh, shit. For thousands of years, he's been 10 years behind the team. Oh, get this. It's a machine that you line up all these letters and you can print onto a paper and it makes a book. What's that?

Oh, fuck. How about a high interest savings account? No, no. What you want, baby? No, no, no. It's, it's, I know it sounds weird, but it's called ear sticks. And what, a Q-Tip? I've never heard of such a thing.

No, these are ears sticks. They're more, they're better than that. Because there's no, there's no soft stuff at the end. You just jamming in your ear. Originally called, I'm not kidding. They were called, originally Q-Tips were called baby gays. That was the name when they first came out in like the 1800s. Yeah, well, yeah, had me one of them baby gays.

That's amazing. What? Baby gay. Baby gay. Baby gay. A-y-y-y-y-y-y. Yeah, baby gay. To make a baby happy, I guess?

Yeah, that makes it. It'll make my baby gay. Wow, what a weird thing. Yeah, they changed the name. Oh, do they? But, and this is one that this is, the cataclysmic failure of this movie is any time we want a big comedic set piece,

what if everybody was fighting and fussing? What if everybody got a big old rumble? And it's like, that happens five times in this movie. and it's not fucking funny. Yeah, we like a big old dumb fight with like improvised joke lines peppered around the outside of it. Because he gets, like a baby.

Like he leaves the guys like I need $50,000 by the 20 seconds. Got it. He's like, say that Salvation Army Santa Claus is making all that money. Why don't I get it on that rack? And I'm like, you're 3,000 years old. Yes. The notion of like

I'm going to make $50,000 doing a knockoff Salvation Army scam bucket thing is the exact one-to-one for Frank Costanza selling computers out of his garage? Like, oh, yeah, take on IBM yet? Like that kind of shit? You're just like, you're just wasting time. It's just how much money could you even get on a street corner in an hour? He's literally taking money out of people's wallets in certain shots of this scene.

I mean, well, from his personalities, when he personal. which you think that he would then use that for some other game. Well, yeah, you've had 3,000 years to figure it out, buddy, and you haven't. And like the people for the people think, like, that's the whole thing is that like his positivity is so radiant even though like us, the audience know it's a put on. Right. Like it's so radiant that you're like, oh yeah, of course, my, my child's savings. Just take it. Take all of it. Charming old ladies, would you definitely know this character does?

It's, it's a wedding crusher thing. It's like he's always positive, but you can always tell. he's putting it on and that's the interesting thing about his delivery is he can do that without making it feel like too much efforts being put into it. So all these other like Salvation Army Santas like realize what's going up. And I guess these dudes are all within like 20 feet of each other like shouting distance because it's like, hey Bluto, look what he's doing. And like all these Santas like descend on this dude. And it's just a chase seat. And I'm like when the fuck are we getting to the North Pole? Because you haven't seen Giumata yet at this point. No.

It's like 20 minutes in. These Salvation Army Santa is willing to put their lives on the line over someone doing this? And then who's mining the buckets while you're chasing them? Yep, great point. You don't even do the joke right. The joke is you Vince Vaugh, like Santa's come up to him and Vince Vaughn looks down the line and sees that every single block has a salvation arm and be like, oh, so you guys are really hurting for money, huh? Yeah, yeah.

And like, they actually make the point first and then like see both sides of it. Yeah. And then move into like we're being chased thing. Right. But this is just like, oh no, there's just Santas everywhere. Which we've already seen in jingle all the way, by the way. Also. Right.

They're going to call the cops on him. And his way to get running is say, oh, there's a cop over there and runs away. Why not his girlfriend? Why not she do something? That'd be cool. I don't know. Well, she's actually waiting at the restaurant at this point. Oh, right.

Because he gets arrested after a fucking, a very funny. Guys, it's a very funny brawl in a toy store. Well, because he's losing it. And Vince Vaughn losing it is always the funny thing. The other, other than the fast, talking stuff. The thing that was, it's just like, I don't know. I was, Chris, I was being sarcastic. I didn't think it was funny at all. I think that's

what he's funny. I think those are the two things he's funny. But could you imagine, put yourselves in the shoes of Fred Claus for a second. I think we're some big ass shoes. We're getting a little judgmental here. Imagine you're being attacked by five guys dressed exactly like your brother. It's like,

my family gave you guys the idea. Yeah, it's true. I mean, if we had actually stayed on the tracks of the family drama, then that would be interesting then that would reflect on what he's going through and everything but it's been fucking watered down because we just went through

the fucking repo a go go and fucking dressing down a child and starting an OTB right yes he does yell at that kid and he's going to take the flat screen or whatever yeah before he gets arrested there is a scene where he's at it is really shitty apartment and

this kid comes through the window slam a very like casual sitcomy kind of relationship where he just comes in the window and like... Very weird, but okay, Fred Claw... Yeah, my brother's Santa. Come on in. But like, you know, he's like,

I asked Santa for a puppy this Christmas. Oh, yeah, well, come on in. I got a bunch of puppies back in. Did you know Santa's my brother? Yeah, no, I'm not fooling. Come on in. I got all to pound puppies right behind this door. I mean, realistically, if I'm 3,000 years old,

Rachel Weiss is 31 years old. What's the difference? I mean, it might as well be. nine years old that's true but your laws mean nothing to me I'm older than your laws

I'm a Christmas god just predating the United States by thousands and thousands of years it's just crazy that he's just walking around eating hot dogs like nothing's why did you decide to settle you know it's not like he was in a native American tribe indigenous people's tribe

he chose to came to America like what happened there what was that well I need him on the boat dude I need him on the boat. Wouldn't that be funny? Yep. It's Fred Claus. He's got a dumb Santa hat on for some reason. And it's like statue of liberty. He's on the Titanic. He's shared a room. He just walks under this under the ocean. Dude, him in fucking Vito Corleone both had like, you know, tuberculosis when they came to Ellis Island.

But then that's the other question too. So he doesn't age, whatever. If I shot this dude in the heart, would he die? Like, what happens? Yeah. Or would he be like, nice try. I'll tell you this, dude. The answer is it would be nice try because there's no way. a dude who can just live for thousands of years with the personality of Vince Vaughn

is not being shot at several times over the century. If he lived through the Wild West, he was shot at least a hundred times. You know he was mouthing off to fucking Wild Bill Hickok or whatever. 50 different Randolph-Scott characters blew his head off.

Just give me 50 seconds of that. I need a little bit of it. The slam thing is only to show that he's actually a good guy. And we're setting up that character Who's like a kid that like his grandmother is like dying It's like not a great situation This dude has been living alone

In an apartment in secret For over a year When his father died And this kid didn't tell anybody That's why later in the movie Oh right So there's a skeleton in there CPS shows up and they're like

This dude's has been living alone Like his father died over a year ago what has this kid been telling you? Really grim shit for your Although I do, I'm with Eric, I want to know Is the body in there with them? I really do need to know that. Oh, is a Norma Bates situation?

Just hanging out and watching this thing decompose. I mean, like, it's a mildly less depressing room, I guess. Making a list. Checking it twice. The gaping maw of the skull. He's just hearing people past the door saying, what is that smell? Every day.

They can't. figure it out, huh? Dad, stop cooking so badly. But so that's just to show he's a good guy. He gets arrested. He calls Wanda, that doesn't work out because she's like, fuck you. I'm at this bad racist restaurant. That's, yeah, when they reveal she's just surrounded by all these people. I'm like, man, if I'm Wanda in this situation, I take one look at this restaurant. It's like, absolutely not. Absolutely not. No way am I getting the table and waiting. I'm not sitting down. So, but he does call, wouldn't you guess that his brother,

Santa Claus, which I guess, I mean, do they make, let you do, like, long distance in the, in the police station? What is the, what is the extension? Yeah, exactly. The North Pole. I thought that this cop was fucking with him, though, because he's like, oh, I didn't get an answer, like, whatever it is. And the guy's like, it's Christmas. You can have a second phone call. And I was waiting for like the beat, beat. Ah, fuck you, Fred Claus. No, this guy just gives them the extra phone call. I think they should this, like, some like this, you need, like, uh, what Matthew Brodick does in war games where he's making the secret like you have to do some special thing

to get to the North Pole. Dude, he whips out like it's a magic card. It's a magic calling card. It's like red and green text on it. Dial 1,800 candy cane or whatever the fuck. Or he gets an answering service. He has to be like,

Rudolph walks backwards. Yep, exactly. Connecting you now. Yeah, but Santa. It's Santa Claus, played by the great Paul Giamari. saying that he's got oh I got no more gray's left

I'm going prematurely white you're a thousand fucking years old there's nothing premature about you still changing after 3,000 years no saggy eyeballs the skin's still on my bones I don't know how but this is still very

oh my back oh my back's bad we do not get enough of him no it's just like he's like window dressing in this movie he's a and it's a considered performance. You know what I mean? He sure is. He has an idea of what Santa Claus is and he makes

it funny. You know what I mean? Like he's cute up with Vaughn. He knows he's an event's phone movie soon. He knows what he's got to do. Right. But it's a pretty considered performance. Like there's like, you know, he's going back and forth Miranda Richardson, who's also pretty good in this. She's like, Claudette. Clause. Is that her name? I don't know. And it's like, she's like,

oh, your shit heel brother. I hate him so much. It's like, ah, you know, well, well, everybody. She's like, you need to show him tough love. well, I'm a saint, sweetheart. It's kind of hard to do tough love. It's pretty great. Yeah, all of this stuff. It sucks, though, in its own right,

because you're watching him give a considered performance of playing Santa Claus in Fred Claus. And you're just like, you know, you just flush this down the toilet. It's, it's worthless. Like, it's a nice, a diamond in a turd. Are you going to go through the turd to get the diamond? The other end of that phone call proves this right because it's like he's doing that measure like, oh, I guess I'll send $5,000 to the police. And he's like, okay, how about $50,000?

And then you give me those $50. And then I make it back to $60 and I give you $5,000 back. He's scamming his brother on the fucking phone from jail. How about we start with an 80-minute movie? And then we add 10 minutes to 90-minute movie. And then we add 30 minutes. We make a 120-minute movie. And then we add five more minutes to make a two-hour five-minute movies.

This movie's getting worse all the time. Oh, God. How did I sign up for a two-hour friend Clause movie? You know what I should do? If I'm going to do a broad, stupid thing. Maybe it'll be a Verizon commercial. Well, because he reprised his role. I believe

is Santa Claus in one of those. He's definitely Albert Einstein. Is that consistent? Is that the same Santa as this? I don't believe so. It doesn't look the same. I'll be honest. No, but he's talking up Cecily Strong, so it's different. Yeah, Cecily Strong is in those questions. Has Einstein and

Santa Claus, I believe, at least one time. Real bad. Yeah, it's all this I hate your shit, he'll brother. He's trying to Yes, get the bail money over the phone and then also trying to fold in getting Santa to give him the money for the OTP. And then Santa's like, why don't you come up and earn it? We pay $50,000 a month.

Dude, this is the family paycheck treatment if I've ever. You think a fucking elf is making 50 large just for a month's work? This is why the investigators from who and where come back. And to what end? What board and to one end? Three to five great questions, Eric, none of which are examined or explained. It's not important. What's important is it's Vince Vaughn, okay?

That's the thing. It's that the Kevin Spacey character who comes in from the board later, that doesn't belong in the movie whatsoever. None of the least. None of it. None of it. They just do an outside of antagonist and they're like, I don't know, Jack Frost. It's like, no, can't do that again.

You already have an antagonist for this film. It is the titular friend of us. All right. That's the whole fucking point. like Kevin Spacey I understand you want another name in it I get it but like it's you water down the

expectations of the central relationship Yes he doesn't need 50 grand for an OTP He needs 50 grand to pay off the mafia And suddenly we got an antagonist There we go Five so five By the way you can't just wire someone To get them out of bail

Someone needs to show up so I want Santa Claus to be like I'm here for a Fred Claus Dude but it's it would be awesome to see Santa Claus and like civvies yeah he's like wear like sweatpants and stuff

oh hey how's it going I know I know I look like you know who anyway Fred Claws oh yeah this ain't working you know what Fred you're lucky you live in Chicago

it's been forever since I've had a sausage out here it's gonna be amazing we're gonna do breakfast right and that's the movie it's like now it's like the holdovers almost like it's like now it's just like I gotta get my brother back up for Christmas it's my Chicago

Christmas. I just bailed you out of jail. Let's go to Portillo's. I got a pig out before we figure out this Christmas mess. Oh, no. They to towed the reindeer. They died. And now we have to travel by foot, by hitching. You know what? Back to the North Bowl. We just had two sausages.

We're going to do portellos in 30 minutes. Let's make a restroom break. The bathroom near the bean. Better moving. Oh, yeah. I'll take a bathroom over this. any day toilet cam footage

I'd watch that over this that I'm not completely with but yeah right slam gets yeah right taken over here CPS Chris is correct CPS comes as he's like saying his goodbye is like

I gotta go to the North Pole yeah CPS comes and this little kid is like hey say that you're my dad do these CPS engines and then like this whole heartbreaking thing is revealed this woman's like his father's been dead for over

a year. And Vince Vaughn has to like whisper to him like, what have you been telling me, Slam? This is, you got to go with these. You know, I think my death is what I did. I thanked my death. And then I came back because I love my kid. I love my kid so much. She, uh, Rachel Vise and also breaks up with him really quickly. He's like, I got to go away for a while. It's your classic out, out the window yelling scene. Yes. You know what? I was about to order the big gong wantons. And then I immediately had to leave and break up with you as soon as humanly possible. Yeah. And the wantons didn't even get to the table.

I'd signed up for us to do a couple's cage fight. Really humiliating. I drink a lot of beer so that I could fart the whole time as the fighters do. I do like him getting in the fight with the neighbor who does the ubiquitous. Like people are trying to sleep and he calls him Jerry Garcia, which is very funny. Because I mean, that's probably just a Vince Vaughn and probably. which sometimes work, but a lot of especially at a high concept movie like

this, it just distracts the movie and makes the scenes more sodden as opposed to like crisp, you know what I mean? Because you're like, wait, what did he say? You know what I mean? That's kind of... Because especially with a Christmas movie where it's like, my attention has to be like on Christmas and this fantasy world

and we're going to go to the North Pole, whatever. But every time you stop dead to do this Vince Vaughning and he's taken shit for a walk, I'm reminded that I'm watching a Vince Vaughn improv movie. He can't help himself. I mean, like, because that's literally all he can really do. Like, they're not going to test his dramatic might with this. Like, that's not the point.

But get that editor slicing and dicing on the other end. Oh, we pay for, it's like the Robin Williams thing. Like, if we have him here, we have to get him to do this stuff. It's just brutal. That's the only thing that he's good. That literally is what made Wedding Crashers successful. Yeah. If you take him and his image.

improv out of that movie nobody sees it sure yeah that's totally it's totally fair and I've liked Vince Von I like I like swingers I even like the movie made anyone ever I remember the movie made yeah it was a spiritual sequel it's it's Favro and him and their mobsters and Peter Falk is involved

I never saw it actually I'm sure it ages like a fucking great but I remember I had it on DVD and I liked it I watched it pretty recent it's fine it's I mean like I I personally have been loving this post everybody finding out he's a Republican face. Him and Craig

S. Zaller have really been making some classics out there, I got to say. Yes, I liked swingers and I even like wedding crashes on release, but yes, Chris, I liked brawl on Selvoock 99. Good movie. Drag Across Concrete. I really like it. I also liked Freaky recently,

which is kind of... Yeah, Freaky's pretty good. I've seen none of this recent output. Freaky's very good, actually. I haven't seen your fascist films yet. But you should make the time. The thing, it's like, just, you want, you got the fascist movie, you watch it. That's so you don't do any fascism in real life. Your mistake is thinking that the Michael Bay movies aren't fascist.

Yeah, I know, I know. That's very good point. You know what, at least he's just doing regular, dangular Republican fascist movies. That's good. It's not like, he's not doing the children are missing movies. Oh, yeah. That would kill me. Give me your movie about how your scumbag cop is right all the time.

Yeah, fine. But yeah, you're magical. I'm going to South America with the help of a cycle. the sound of the sound of kidnapping starring vans vaughn no thank you oh man i feel like he's right there you know what that's a that's a mission for santa claus i gotta go find all these missing children you know like he's got he's got to give him don't do not count out those fucking weirdos at uh with the angel studios daily wire daily wire the lady ballers uh people okay for the folks at home for the folks at home

What is Lady Ballers? Lady Ballers is, it's the head of some, the boring company. No, no, no. He's a shaving guy. The guy, I think you, I think you took a wrong. Jerry's. Jerry's is the name of it. Okay.

He's the star of Lady Ballers. And he's one of those guys who makes like epic ads that are like against woke stuff. And he's like, we like burgers and fucking shaven like men and stuff. That was what he was most known for. And he starred in this movie. where he gets like a team of guys to pretend like they're trans athletes to win a competition.

And it's all your daily wire superstars are in it. Ben Shapiro, Matt Wall shows up. Ted Cruz is involved in some world. Wow. It's a real who's who of pieces of shit. Sounds funny. And it's amazing because the movie itself and that's the premise is like

it's like it's somehow a less sensitive Gawanna man. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like what if Jawada man was actively mean? What was the,

the, I think it was Johnny Knoxville when he pretended to get into the Special Olympics. The ringer. The ringer. Like it's in that kind of vein.

But it's, but it's so specifically political and against trans people. But, and the fucking hilarious thing was he's come out as in an interview and they're like, I think Ben Shapiro's like,

you know, the funny thing was we were going to do. It was going to be a documentary because we were just going to have all these guys just go into these women's leagues and just, just say that they identified as women

and then they would be able to dominate. But apparently you have to be on hormones for years and years to be able to be in these women's leagues like, yeah, asshole. That's the whole fucking point. That's why your movie doesn't make any fucking sense. Because no one would ever do that. No one would ever pretend to be trans

and to be a trans athlete. They would just be trans and an athlete. That's how that shit fucking works. You asshole. But if you think about it, you could get mad about it. You know, if you think about it a little bit, you could get mad about it. Yeah, I just been sitting here quietly ruminating to myself, you know, is there a country in this world where if you release a film that you purport to be a comedy,

and then it's something like this. Can you receive the death penalty? Oh, yeah. It's just a question I'm thinking about it. Like a broke down palace for like we made a shitbird quote unquote comedy film. I know the country that this can happen in Elphistan. Oh, dude. Which is mentioned in this movie. Kevin Spacey throws out and go back to Elfa What? I missed that one. That's for all the uncles in the back. My contextualizing that it's sort of near the Middle East, a breakaway Soviet Republic.

We're all the elves. Okay. So speaking to elves. The Merry Christmas, Jadin. Great. A guy who I love was the worst career in the business, John Michael Higgins. Dude, this guy deserves better with every turn. He's doing commercials now.

You see this? It's an insurance commercial with a dog. And I'm like, this isn't great. That sucks. he is and he's great he's really fucking funny i mean there's even moments in this movie but it's just we are doing this thing we can't even bother and they made the movie for cheaper we can't even bother with the camera tricks of the fucking gandolph looking like this and eliza wood looking like

this it is facial replacement technology which still isn't good in 20 goddamn 23 the fact that you're trying this shit out in 07 it looks god awful his fucking plot line to this subplot is awful. All it does is boil down to Willie the horny and stout. Well, just be persistent. Why don't you just grab her? Yeah, he's a grab her and do it. I'm wearing her down.

That's all it is. And it's just like, this is not the message to be sending to people on Christmas. No, it is not. And like, the nice reading of it is like, be bold and people will notice you. But the whole thing, he literally does it so that he can fuck Elizabeth Banks. Yes, who's barely dressed in this movie. So he basically, he's the head elf that's going to whisk Vince Vaughn off to the North Pole. There's some comedic business that like Vince Vaughn doesn't like to be in the sleigh.

That's sort of something maybe. But dude, you need to have some sort of like base built into this where he's saying like, I always hated this. But there was the time in 1864 when I fell off and broke my ass. When they first got invented, you know, just start there. Yeah, like he was at the Wright brothers, Kitty Hawk. Christmas Hawk. They land and yes, this is when we meet Elizabeth Banks, who is a full-grown human, Charlene Santa's little helper.

Prisoner up here. She just happened to fall into the sleigh one night. Whoops to do. Fred Claus is a women in prison film, apparently. Merry Christmas You're about to be taken The call out any elves You might happen to see

No, it's not the elves It's the Albanians again I walked up and down The high street Trying to spy any elves I might come across Go to Elfistan Fuck these people up

Yeah And then it ends He's getting her back From a little cruise ship They're not a cruise ship They're not a cruise ship Like a yachts right Yeah

And instead of that guy From Taken It's Santa Claus Yeah that's right Oh, these cabs are so expensive. You want to share a ride? So, yeah. There's, dude, I got to tell you what,

these bodyguard elves, these guys are getting fired for Christmas, man. Because, like, here comes Santa, and it's the great Giamondi, and he's looking great in this dumb costume. And wouldn't you know it? Like, Fred Claus, like, makes a too sudden mover, and these fucking dudes jump out of nowhere

and start beating the shit. You're beating the shit out of Santa's, brother, like a few, like a month before Christmas or whatever, so you're getting fucking fired. Well, Andrew, something funny needed to happen. So what if, I don't know, what if there's some sort of melee of some guy? That doesn't happen in exactly nine minutes of this movie. And wouldn't it be funnier, Steve? You amp up this comedy because he's getting beat up by a gaggle of little people. Aren't we slapping knees? He hasn't been angry yet. We've been so, you know what? It's been five minutes since he's been pissed off. So we got to get him back in that space.

And like, I believe, like, because it's St. Nick and it's Santa Claus, I understand why he wouldn't fire these guys. What I don't understand is how he does not have a guest room in the whole of this world for the people to come and visit him. There's not a like trundle bed in your office or something, Santa. A Murphy. Spacey's staying. He's not staying in a bunk bed. He's probably got a human size bed. He's hanging upside from the rafter.

Dude, he's staying at the happy holiday in. That's how I sleep, America, upside down, like a bat. That would require thought about that character and that plot and anything in this goddamn movie. I really detest it. He's like, oh, yeah, he puts him in the same room with John Michael Higgins. It's a bunk bed, which is also, by the way, an elf joke. Like, this is like, this is Will Ferrell in the elf bed. Will, we got to have a bit of bed that's too small for him.

Was he in the top bunk? No, that's the difference. There you go. Lawsuit over. And also in a Christmas movie, he had a positive attitude, which is like, if you want to talk about

why Elf works and this doesn't, that is A number one. Oh, yeah. Well, it's like, it's the whole thing, it's going, you know,

you're in an improv scene. And like, as the scene partner, you go along with it no matter what. And that's what's going on an elf, no matter how ridiculous it gets, versus this where Vince Vaughn

is just constantly reminding you, isn't this so dumb? Yeah. Isn't it all so fucking. it's because there's two modes with comedies like this and Vince Vaughn tends to go with the type that's like this person

we're watching this person react to a world that's unfair to them in some substantial way versus this is a person fundamentally at odds with the world that's elf like those are two this just doesn't work as well like it doesn't give as much humor or

heart but I'd be like dude you don't have a fucking bed for me really I got it unbelievable my legs are falling asleep I'm going to be permanently damaged you but back is fucking killing me. Well, we could give you a bed but then it wouldn't be a funny moment for the trailer.

And then that's the things that you know oh so that's it. That's the funny joke. I'm going to sleep on the fucking floor. Give me this pillow with a sleep on the goddamn floor. I know Santa's like a saint and stuff but maybe he's got animosity

towards his brother that's like you want that 50 grand, huh? Why don't you work for it? Yeah, yeah. You're sleeping in the fucking elf bed. And here's the thing. I think if you dialed that Giamani performance just a little bit

and allow him to be like kind of a shithead sometimes. It works better for the adversarial brothers. It's like, oh, it's all hands off from old PG because I'm St. Nick. And it's like, no, that guy should be an asshole too. It's like a trust exercise and no one's, there's no conflict. They're just like, everyone's raising their hands. All these characters aren't doing anything. Well, there's no conflict besides the Kevin Spacey vagaries of shutting down the orphanage.

I mean, Santa Claus House. Yes. They're saving that the big fucking, uh, uh, rupture for the climactic snowball fight. Like, you should be having these back and forth because, like, yes, Santa should understand, like, what he's been through.

That's the other thing is, like, we're going to get to, like, the message of this thing is like, I mean, like, it's funny because we just talked about this when we did Santa Claus show, how the new Santa Claus is show does woke where they're just like, nobody's naughty. And like, that's the whole point of this movie.

And I'm like, my, my thinking on the thing is, how does Santa not know that. Like how how? How? Yeah, like bad kids are usually in a bad situation and that's how that stuff rolls downhill. You know, but you hurt people. Here's the thing though, like

in that you know, I'm sure it's totally true Santa, you're right. But also, there's just shitty kids out there. There's little pieces of shit kids out there. And I'm sorry. The naughty list exists for a reason, Santa. It just does. It's probably 99%

of children. You think it's odd. I give one toy a year. Easiest gig ever. Wouldn't that be nice? A hundred of you deserved it. That's what I'm saying. 100. You don't haunt my dreams forever.

DJ Donnie played by a little a little person with ludicrous's face on it. Holy fuck this dude. Oh, my God. Whoever thought, he can't be in movies. I'm sorry. You should not be in movies. After crashing this, shut up and down.

I'm going to be honest, I don't mind ludicrous as an actor. But again, what about it as an elf? As an elf, I don't like him. But I don't like, I don't like anybody but little people as elves. I'm going to be 100% with you on that one. But again, like John Michael Higgins and ludicrous, this is what you pick. Like, if you were going to put names in this to bring people in, like I almost understand the ludicrous thing. Yeah. But John Michael, to add a celebrity name and that's the celebrity name. It's not the celebrity. It's just you need another comedic guy in the movie to make this movie funny. Well, Chris, remember. we only had a hundred million dollars

sure I guess and most of that I assume has to go to Vaugh well so what do you want Seth? Hey everybody I'm happy the elf okay great Seth Rogan in a funny Christmas movie the night before

I think that's a totally fun Christmas but ludicrous the joke is like he's just a happy little elf that loves to play here comes Santa Claus over and over again but it's just ludicrous has no idea how to play that role you know what I mean like you need to be a bit vacuous, a bit silly

and like, because he's just like, I'm cool ludicrous. And like, and then he's playing whatever. He's too cool for Fred Claus. Yeah, that's exactly the problem. I mean, he definitely is. But, but and here comes holy fucking mackerel, Kevin Spacey as Clyde Cuthbert or whatever his name is. Clyde Northcutt. Northcutt,

Northcutt, who is the head of the efficiency agency. Question mark. And there is. That works for. That works for. God? Exactly. He just says, he just says, the board. Yeah. Oh, is it the board? Oh, I thought it was the home office.

So the board to be Jesus, Vishnu, uh, Zeus. Yeah. Buddha. Muhammad is in there for sure. Rodney Dangerfield. Definitely. Confucius just for good measure. Like the board, it's like if the board is going to shut you down, we just shut down the Easter bunny. And it's like, what the fuck is anyone talking about? What is money? What is money? matter to the board. Yeah. It's something like Nightmare for Christmas, which is a world in which

all the holidays exist. You go into a forest and each one has a little world. With a little bit of a like office structure kind of. Sure. It's a job. But there's no one overseeing it because then you'd have to ask the question of who could possibly do this other than God. It feels so tacked on. I wouldn't be surprised

if they added this like the script, the original script maybe didn't have this because it just doesn't feel like it belongs and no one thought it through. Well, even turn it into a joke if you absolutely if you want to explain it, explain it in a joke being like, well, who do you work for, God? And he's like, well, actually

we replaced him. Yeah. We are the new ones. We are, we are a board. Ever since his death, there's untimely demise, the board has inherited those responsible. That'd be something. Yeah, or we bought him out, maybe. He got out of here in 99. I like bought out. Yeah, he took

his cut and he's down distant universe. I think you can do this. exist, he's just not really. You can do this, but then that's what the movie is about. Of course it has to be. It's not about Santa's brother. Like, this is the movie. We're getting shut down by some vague

board. Yes. And boy, there might not be a Christmas this year if the North Pole goes out of business. Well, that's, that way, and that would work if fucking Fred was in the North Pole already, you can focus on that as your direct thing. But you bring him in and now it's like, all right. I'm still

thinking about Chicago for crying out. loud. So is the movie because right here Giamatti shows him like the naughty and nice glow but this is the monitoring system, the Lucius Fox thing and like he immediately is spying on Rachel Weiss. I do like the setup

for this thall. This is one of my only laughs of the movie is Giamatti saying like, oh yeah, let me show you how it works. Timmy Jackson, New York City and it's this kid running a muck in this girl's bedroom hitting her with a bat and breaking

shaking shit. Do you get jealous? Do you get a little jealous? Yes. I was like, this kid fucking rules. I wish I was hitting my little sister with a baseball bat. That is it. You see this kid run a muck and I'm like, thank you. At least there's something here. Yeah. But then you see Rachel Weiss who's getting hit on by Jeffrey Dean Morgan of all people. We're doing this week. Older man. What is this? Like they put baby powder in his hair or something and he's like this old man and Vince Vaughn's like, oh, look at all the liver spots on that guy. He's asking you're out on a date. You're like, what? It's Jeffrey Dean Hansom as the day was born.

Hire Michael Cain. If you wanted to think, come on, just do it. Can't help but notice but you're British. You're a parking attendant, but you're British. Wow, you came all the way from where we came from, and that's what you do. Embarrassing. This is in between takes on the dark night. He's just walking down the street.

It looks like a real pace of shit movie you're in there, right, Joe Vise? But, I mean, like, if Jeffrey Dean Morgan, if Pick is trying to hit on Rachel Fice, I assume the next is them going up to an apartment and fucking immediately. It's two incredibly attractive people who are single. Yep. They're breaking the bed, dude. That's a, oh, yeah. Right.

It's a bedbreaker. Yeah, that Jerry Garcia neighbor is going to be pounding on the fucking floor. Don't worry about it. But so he's upset about that. He gets humiliated in front of John Michael Higgins right here because, like, they're watching this whole thing. What are you doing? What are you doing?

Don't talk to that guy. And she's like, oh, flirting. like well okay yeah here's your ticket but here's your business card and he's like oh thank you yes this is the best driving ticket I ever get and it's like you can feel the vibes coming through this snow glove and this elf's just watching this

dude get cocked and it makes even less sense because you're 4,000 years old you are like why are you why even bring it up again and he gets his job which is yes he's put in charge of who's naughty who's nice here's two stamps

if they're naughty nice another vague like how does Fred Clause determine this? I guess you have to read the file I guess the file I sure but then why do we need the fucking snow globe Do you think Jackalfts get in your file? No that's a completely natural thing. That's God. That's the God file

that's not care if you're jerkin on. No no no no he actually parents owe me some toys You know you can have your own toys now yes and I have quite a collection thank you. Yeah, dude, like six fleshlights. Yeah, collection of toys. Up on the mantle.

With their names written on duct tape. Oh, God. Yeah, him being inundated to all of his letters. He was like, Bob the mailroom elf, played by Jeremy Swift, who went on to be in Ted Lassow. Okay. Right. And it's another just like, here's this dude

an adult's face put on a child's body with a computer. You know, there's a really funny bit in Rendon Simpe, where I think Stippy becomes a huge celebrity and that guy loved putting a dull face Yeah, that guy is terrible Go ahead, sorry, what's Stimpy up to?

Well, he becomes a huge celebrity and Redd has to answer his fan mail And slowly is driven and seen by it Which I kind of want this to take, you know what I mean? He opens every letter, it's like, Dear Santa, you are the great. And like he just kind of, maybe he just becomes bitter by being inundated. Yeah, it triggers everything again.

All the stuff comes back up. Yeah, yeah. That would play well to the, if Fred Claus was a North Polean. Yeah. That would make sense. You're still writing about this guy. My brother, yeah. But who do you do anything helps him out every year?

I mean, this scene is also just to reinforce just how good Giamati is. The bam thing. Like you remember that from the trailer, but you just, it's physical motion and actually giving the laughs some energy. Like, he's not just like, naughty, nice. See, simple thing here. No, he's actually engaging with it. It's just like, nobody else is doing this.

Great. So he's trying to get his work done here, you know, really wants his 50 large for the OTB. And he just cannot take it. DJ Donnie just plays, here comes Santa Claus on repeat. And here comes Vince Vaughn. We got to make a, all this movie is any kind of like action point is Vince Vaughn just making a scene. Yeah. And so here we are making a scene in the DJ booth where, uh-oh, like Steve is correct to keep

pointing out, it's another fucking rumble in the DJ booth. We're locking this little guy in a fucking closet. Oh, man. And then here's the thing. This move has to be like, okay, I'm tired of here comes Santa Claus. And you put on another Christmas record instead of what is, it's a fat boy Slim song. It's a remix of Elvis Presley's song. And it should, I'm sorry, this scene.

It should be like the Shawshank Redemption. He starts playing opera and all the else are like, everybody's like open mouth like oh the beauty oh my god we we have to leave no this capitalist hell has to end no watching this scene i wish i was in the shawshank redemption big shift god be the guy that fucking hangs myself from the big rafter yeah take the warden's way out uh but yeah so it's like this paul olkinfold elvis remix goes on and these little elves get all horned up they're all dancing well this is your kid boppet ass part of the movie where like hopefully kids connect with this and then they'll bop ass to the song. Because it's like we haven't officially

figured out how to, we haven't distilled the process of bopping ass down enough. No. The minions were being crafted. Exactly. And they perfected it really. Yeah, they didn't emerge yet, did that? No, they didn't. This is probably around the time of which I think the boppad ass started, I believe, with what's that movie?

Shrek. No, it's the one, the animals one. Madagascar? Madagascar with the guy, I like to mow it. Oh, yeah, yeah. That was a real big... The monkeys, yeah. The kids were bopping ass to that song. Yeah, they were bopping ass.

What is that all this media created to bop ass? I don't know. I didn't realize that kids like to bop ass. Because the whole idea became like, that's kids being joyful. It's kids dancing. Like kids bop is about making kids dance a bunch. But here's what it's also about. And the kids bop record compendium franchise goes into this two.

Just like the minions shaking ass. and whatever else, it's to distract your child so you don't have to pay attention to them so you can go in the other room, take a breath for yourself, take a fucking shit, check the oven,

see what's going on with dinner, you can just get away from your child and you know that they will be glued to either the stereo or the television because they're bopping. Well, yeah, because they're bopping ass because they're watching the bopping ass.

Right, they're going back and forth. It's a connection, really. If grew is bopping ass with the minions, the kid's bopping ass and the living. Or you can just chain him to a radiator. Also, the black snake moan thing also works. But they're bopping ass. They're bopping ass.

They're bopping ass. That's one strike in my vague plan. This doesn't look like works Santa Claus. There's a three strike policy. And yeah, walking, could you believe it? Total deuce chill. Here's my idiot brother causing a ruckus in the workshop. I just, because you can just see like the production notes. Everybody watched Wedding Crashers and was like, what does Vince do that we love?

He does the funny dances. Sure. So what if we have him just dancing, not like in a funny clip way, just constantly dance and that's good. We liked him when he was angry. Let's have that be the whole fucking movie. Let's see him like just be dressing down people. Again, the whole fucking movie. That's all.

And it's like you don't actually see what actually worked in that movie, him being the side character. Like Owen Wilson is the heart of that movie. I'm sorry. Like him and Rachel McAdams are the thing. he's always he's a great spice in those comedy movies wingman yes he's great like that's that's swingers too like it's a favro's movie but then every so often here comes the funny guy right when the funny guy is the whole thing you wouldn't he's not the funny guy and you wouldn't have like

the kramer show you know no right of course not it's like i mean like the reason that everybody remembers philips seymour hoffman and along came polly is because he comes in and wrecks that movie he's just like i you everything else can go positively Yes, no, exactly. Like, if everything was at the same level in that movie, nobody would remember it. But because Hoffman is so over the moon amazing in it, everything else is like, who gives a shit? I'm just watching him. It elevates a bullshit fucking Ben Stiller rom-com. But that's why it has to be the spice and not the centerpiece because, I mean, like, as much as I love Phillipsimo Hoffman coming into a while can Polly, I could not watch a movie of

course not. No, no, no, no, because there's no way you could make a movie. of that character. It's better for him to pick his spots within a structure, but you need to have a structure. Yeah. And if the thing was, honestly, like, you sidle him with Santa and they don't have as strained of a relationship

and you kind of just make wedding crashers but it's at the North Pole and Giammati's the guy because he's fucking Santa Claus. This could work a little bit. Yeah, I mean, honestly, the fact, like you would love to see the scene where Santa Claus, who

is immortal and can give his wife the gift of immortality like just like the bachelor but with Santa like finding Mrs. Claus like that situation would be funny

like there's stuff to do in that situation unless it's the Santa Claus too and that's where you're trying to find a Mrs. Claus and well then you have the glowing butt and all that shit I can't I mean there's

if it was just that maybe it'd be fine the they make a a robot version of the Santa Claus yeah And his butt is gleaming. Like, it's wild.

It's incredible. You have to see it to believe it. I think it's a stay tuned for next year. Oh, yeah. But so the next piece here is the family bit where like Paul Giamondi is like tricking. Because that's what Paul Giamondi doesn't care about the money. He just, or Santa Claus. He just wants to bring his family back together.

So here comes, oh, I got, we're going to have dinner. Fred, you want to have dinner? And he's like, yeah, sure. He's like, Mom is here. And then there's the lamest joke you can put in a moment. movie, which is, I'm not doing the thing. No way, no how am I not doing this thing? Smash cutty's

doing the thing. Can you believe it? Oh, wow. Dude, right out of left field, I couldn't believe it when the movie took the truth. Because I do that. Because I say, I'm not going to do something. Then I do it. It's funny. And then because, like, the movie's so desperate to have you give a shit about this

Kevin Spacey character. Oh, he's also there. What? Great. Great. Bing. Well, now the he witnesses the Bob asses and that is like a strike against the North Pole in his estimation

for the board. There's like a three strike rule now going on. He's really looking for the next strike. Yeah. He can't wait. He's because we'll find out why but uh, no we won't find out why. I agree with Chris. They will give us a reason.

They're not going to give us a reason. Uh, but Kathy Bates is a real piece of shit mom because she's like always praising Nick and not. There's, there's kind of a funny bit where it's like oh you missed our anniversary and I mean by the way like your anniversary is every year what is time to me

a highlander rescue mortal that's the last thing you're concerned about if you're an immortal person is celebrating an anniversary of anything yeah it's irrelevant and apparently it was some like big dinner too that he just skipped and then it it's that it's that classic thing of like

the good sibling trying to like cover for the shit heel and it's like oh the funny here of enough, but, you know, he covers in him. Because it's like, oh, oh, well, you know, yeah, Fred couldn't make the party. But he sent you that nice massage chair, right, Fred? And he keeps winking at him.

It's funny. Why are you doing the wink? Well, why are you doing the wink? You're winking at me? We have no winking contest. Yes. It would just be humorous enough. This scene kind of shows that if this movie was a little more focused, it could have

been much better. Sure. Because I see it's kind of the best scene of the movie, minus Kevin Spacey. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, it would work so much better as a. family scene. The fact that he's there just kind of it's a cut like the cog is stuck like it's not moving

and like yeah I think and this might have been true of a lot of movies of the late odds into the tens I feel like if you go over budget on any movie like certain movies for big companies it triggers a clause in your thing like the

Sandy clause it's the Spacey clause you have to put Kevin Spacey in your movie like I think at some point like because he feels like he's so out of place in all of these scenes like oh yeah nothing of it nothing matters even when we are given the reason you're just like okay

even when he's who cares at the end he's easily thwarted by like one little moment and that's sort of like we didn't care about Kevin Space anyway then why was he here right it makes no sense you don't trigger the Spacey Clause you take no time to develop him you have no idea who or what he is he is human is he elf like what the fuck is this guy where is he from

what is this about yeah well that's not funny. What's funny is him being stern, Eric. You see, that's what the hilarious, the funny thing about Kevin Spacey is he's very stern. But at the end of this big blow-up scene, he's like, I love watching families. You can learn so much about people. Which here's the thing, Kevin Spacey monitor guy here, none of this family drama stuff counts as ammunition for your three strikes policy. Yeah. This is Santa Claus's family. It's got nothing to do with the work. Get out of here. But then he goes to Fred

Claus's workstation and starts shredding all of the letters. And he's like, well, I guess there will be Christmas for these people. Oh, Freddie. And I'm like, are you a villain all of a sudden? Like, what is the point? Yes. Are you just trying. He needs to be like, I'm trying to destroy Santa Claus.

Yes. I want to be the new Santa Claus. Something needs to be underlying. Well, that's, I mean, it's the late. This drove me insane because I was like, especially at Dan because they totally, I was, first of all, so Kevin Spacey is in Vince Fawn's office. Yes. And he's shredding all the letters to Santa, all that stuff.

and I immediately was like oh wait fucking San Claus doesn't have cameras in this room like it's a fucking like their camera every way doesn't he watch you while you sleep

and knows when you're awake why wouldn't he literally later in the movie they pull footage from that room of Vince Vaughn to show someone and I'm like

who did why why yeah because the cameras were conveniently turned off when I was in there Kevin's space I did it specially

don't you know we have to pull the emergency break like a train in a Mission Impossible movie about to go off a broken bridge you gotta stop this movie fucking dead after that dinner scene so he can teach John Michael Higgins how to dance to impress Elizabeth Banks

and when I tell you bare minimum 10 minutes with this scene 10 minutes because first it's like the fallout is the big family argument dust up he leaves the house. He goes to Frosty's bar. Yeah. And uh-oh, everybody's cleared out except for

John Michael Higgins at the bar, belly up, and Elizabeth Banks, like, reading accounting books or something, like, over at a table by yourself. And it's like, she leaves, says goodbye to Fred. And Willie's like, oh, boy, she never notices me. She doesn't say goodbye to me. And then this is Vince Vaughn being like,

you know how you get the babes? You act like Vince Vaughn. And then it's like swing. Have you seen the movie swingers? Absolutely. Baby. and we have to do this, here's how you dance and then it's like, he's getting into it and he's dancing really, and it is just like a little kid body dancing

with this cartoon face on it of John Michael Haynes. It's also, look, there are a lot of songs out there that you're like, oh, I should dance to that. The Rolling Stones Beast of Burden is not exactly on that list. Dude, Chris, we need to light money on fire. So what's one of the most expensive songs we can find? It is insane. Beast of Burden is a perfect song for when you were at a bar at

3 o'clock in the afternoon. Yeah. Just gently sipping a beer. That's Beast of Burden comes on. You're like amazing song. In your North Paul Frosty's bar teaching a dude to dance Santa Claus movie inappropriate. Get a get the fat boy slim remix of

the Elvis president. You do the other way. Get away from Paul. Oh man. And then it's like, he bops ass all the way through throwing himself through a table like he's Mick Foley. And then Elizabeth with bangs like, ooh, I forgot my gloves. This is embarrassing.

And that's like somethinging, I guess. He's like humiliated because you saw him fall and make an ass out of himself. And then he just storms out and then pouts. And then it's just like, oh, you know, you know, so people fall down. That's not a big deal. And how does he recover this by just, next time he sees Elizabeth Banks? Just grab her. Yeah, you should grab her.

Yeah, you grab a child. Whether they're like you or not. You got to be dominant. And then force, force a kid. For a little child tongue down her throat. Yes. And that's how she'll like you. That's what you get for triumph,

when you've triumphed over adversary, you get to grab a woman and kiss her no matter what. Yes, they let you do it when you're an elf. Isn't that the picture of the World War II thing about the picture of the... The very famous Times Square, the dude apparently just grabbed the woman and kissed her. She had no idea who he was.

And then it came back. Like literally years later, everybody was like, yeah, that was terrible. And then how about if it's not terrible? How about so many boardwalk T-shirts and postcards were rendered null after that was revealed? Unbelievable. I got to burn it. There's just a big burning in the middle of Central Park of all the stuff.

The next day, because of all the letter stuff, now Paul's, that's the second strike. Oh, yeah. And Giamatti is like, I can't believe what did you do to the letters. Oh, yeah. And Kevin Spacey's like, oh, you didn't have any backup files for the letters. Wow. Inefficient strike to Oh, is the footage from that Just mysteriously missing? That's strange

That's weird that you can't see who was there If you are showing Vince Vaughn on the security camera later You need to have a thing where it's like all the footage was erased It's no sense otherwise And then now like a what do you call it their fucking Kevin Spacey Is Eagoing around being like Oh you know a tree that grows in the shadow of another tree She'll never grow quite as large.

Yes, he's like trying to turn Vince Vaughn on the whole Santa thing. I think this is after The family intervention because the rendition, they rendition fucking Fred Clause. It's another at the behest of Kevin Spacey because he's like, you know Santa,

you know what you should do to this guy. And then he gets fucking renditioned by the security guard elves and they take him back to the house where we just were Santa's dining room table. And now, speaking of renditions, Rachel Weiss has been kidnapped from Chicago And she's like, he's like, oh, my, and I guess this is part of like a joke of the movie, but I find it really irritating is Vince von just looks at her and she's like, and he's like, oh yeah, my brother, Santa Claus, like, I kind of guessed that. Like, no, what the fuck does that mean? Are you immortal? Can you have children? What, how many people have you wedded in your life? How many times have you been married? Yep, it's all. Her reaction is just nowhere near acceptable limits of freak out. Also unacceptable. Vince Vaughn making this lawyer joke

where he's fucking like, you can't just take me like that, blah, blah, blah. He says something like, my lawyer's got more vowels in his name that you can count. My lawyer doesn't celebrate Christmas, if you know what I'm saying. It's fucking crazy.

It just, it gets right in there and it's a blink and you miss it. No one's the wiser. We snuck that bad improv in. Yeah. And they just have this fight. The only chimney my lawyer is going down is the Chinese restaurant. right down the road I was always jealous of that

I'd rather go to a Chinese I'm kind of with you on that I never got to do it It's an intervention scene Sort of it's a big fight here There's a lot of him throwing The Jeffrey D. Morgan thing in her face Until she leaves basically

Dude she leaves and she's just like You know what? This is ridiculous I'm out of here And she leaves and I'm like How the fuck you're getting home? You've been kidnapped to a fantasy landlady. You can't catch a cab. Is she now also bunk bedding with other elves or does she get a real bed?

Great question. Dude, so there is some crazy Annette Clause freak out here. This is a really great, like the sister-in-law is screaming. I thought this was kind of funny. But boy, oh boy, because she's yelling about like, and again, if he's ageless and immortal, this doesn't matter, but she's screaming about like he's got to lose weight, blah, blah, blah. He definitely says, she definitely says rather.

that Santa's getting bad at sex because he's so fat. Yeah, well, she's like, it's affecting a relationship in other ways. And then Vince Vaugh's like, oh, can't get the sleigh up anymore, huh? And I'm like, I got kids here. This is not, like, it's not wedding crashers. Like, I know you really want it to be. I get that. But it's not.

But if you want to do that, dude, and make your R-rated bad Santa-esque Fred Clause movie. Then do that. Follow through. Again, then you can't have the Shannate O'Connor ending. That's just how that's. shit works. Big, big correctamundo there, dude, absolutely. Everyone's yelling at each other and like

he storms off. This is when Kevin Spacey comes out of the shadow. Dude, he slithers back into this movie. Do you do you know that the tree who grows on the other side grows weaker? And people hate that tree. Even if the tree is a good guy,

they hate it. I brought to my evil twin. His name is Brian. we will both tell you that you should not trust your brother and this is when Vince Vaughn he watches slam he wants to see what slams up to

slam is in the orphanage new naughtiest kid in the world like the standings change like this kid just did 9-11 and moved up the fucking FBI listing all the kids who like accidentally did something that like killed their brother

or it happened started a fire by accident all over the world. That's by accident, guys. What about the good son? Where does he land on this? Shoot dogs with bolt guns. Oh, well, he's been dead since

1994, so he don't get no presents. Unfortunately, he was sainted right before he died. He's just walking the earth killing. The saint of cats. I wish. But no, yeah, he becomes the new number one naughty kid.

For no reason, really. Right? It's because he starts an orphan fight. It's another brawl in this movie. He checks out. it's an orphanage and like this is when like these kids are talking about

Santa Claus but previously Vince Vaugh and said Santa Claus is a joke he's a clown yeah and now Slam is re-reprising that

information Santa Claus is a fame junkie exactly doubting Santa's intentions they were top of the list pal top of the fucking he's yelling this

at a young the boy from 13 reasons why oh wow whatever his name is I wanted to do one of those 13 reasons why I watch in this movie You know? Yes I do know

I saw that show Good yes I didn't then I was like I think that is what I'm thinking It's Chris it is that isn't okay good Nice I mean it's something you should not Sling around in an orphanage especially On the holidays one kid says to him

You're never getting adopted Because you're mean And then this starts this big fight because again, when in doubt, choreograph a fun fight for your stupid comedy. A baby fight, too. A baby fight is always the best. So this is what spawns Vince Vaughn.

That end, Kevin Spacey's evil manipulation. Now he's going to make every kid nice because. Right. And he does. And like, you know, this is a montage. And then Paul Giumadi loses his mind. Oh, no. Now we'll never get that time back.

How are we going to make all these toys? in time question like what? Like why are also by the way why are we on the fucking December 24th still doing the naughty and nice shit? That shit should be settled by November. Yeah. Kevin Spacey's got some points. Let's be honest. Here's your thing for efficiency, dude. Yeah. If you don't have your letter into

Santa by the 13th, tough shit try again next year. Yeah, the board. We're accepting the fucking post office is closed. Yeah. Yeah. No thank you. Mark Cuban is the new Santa. We're going to get efficiency. Oh, shit. God damn it. I'd be all right with that. It'd be fine. He's giving you all bad television.

And so this is, Fred Claus is fired, but he does, they get, and this is, this is the big blow up where they get into a big snowball fight because you're yelling at each other.

I do like, and this is probably a Giamati improv line where he's like, you're walking away like a little girl, a big leather jacket wearing girl. Yeah, that's pretty great. Because he's not taking that jacket off

from much. of this movie. The fucking Paul Gibody doing like literally he's hopping mat. Like he literally hops because he's so angry. It's pretty funny. I love that. I love him. We get in a big snowball fight that turns into a snowmobile fighting on top of it

while it's moving fight. Yeah, a big dumb fight. Dude, it's been 15 seconds. Here comes another big dumb fight. Fucking God. And then Paul Giamati in this scene as Santa Claus hurts his back. And, you know, there's this big, like, it's the end of the second act, so we've really got to hurt some feelings.

It's like, I never, he's like, why do you hate me? And he's like, I don't hate you, Nick. I just wish you were never born. Brutal, dude. I was sidest swipe by that comment. I was like, holy shit. That's a tough one to come back from. And so close to Christmas, right, boss.

Just terrible. Because what you think of, like, what that reminded me of, honestly, is the end of the big funny fight in Tenenbaum. Yeah. and I always wanted to be a tantam, and all that shit. And, like, in that movie, the fight has subsided the animosity. And my brain, I guess, was just thinking that and lulling itself into this like, ah, it's over with. And then he says that line, I was like, getting punched in the stomach.

I was like, oh, my God, Fred Claus. That's brutal. You're waiting for, I had a really tough year, Dad. Yes. Then you get that. But so then we get this, like, Han Solo scene where he's boarding the sleigh. And Annette comes up. all you ever wanted was money so here's your money and you can leave now check for

$50,000 right there dude I wanted to see the check yeah so I want to see like what Santa's like return to dress part of the check looks like you know what I mean is the Bank of America is the bank of the North Pole yeah what's that uh the account number there and it's kind of crumpled and like well like in the middle it's really creasy it's like somebody shoved this up a crevasse oh oh they wiped their ass with the check oh oh Okay. You know what? I'm still I'm cashing it. Fuck you. So he goes back. John Michael Higgins

drops him off and he gives him but St. Nick can't be stopped. He does give him a present. He notices when he gets home the present is a the tree house. The bird house. The bird house is like I'm sorry cut down your tree. And then this must have been in

an earlier draft and it happens earlier in the movie. You bet your ass. This is the This is the real opening scene of the movie It's an earlier draft People loved it And then the movie got rewritten a couple times And they're like oh shit

We still need to do that scene Because it's such a fucking knee slapper Even though the movie's practically over Like the second act has happened The big conflict has happened He learns nothing in the scene It's the siblings of famous people's scene Yes siblings anonymous

I kind of That's why I think it sticks out so much is because, like, it is the one thing that is kind of just inconsequential. Like, it's not about the plot in any way. It's just like, here's just Vince Vaughn having fun with a bunch of dumb people. But that's why, Chris, the movie should have been, like, opening credits. Here's Chicago land on Christmas. Exterior shot of the church.

And then we're inside the church basement where the siblings and not of his meeting is that. And that is all my life, blah, blah, blah. Maybe it's like the framing device over the movie. movie. Let me tell you all about my shit-heel brother or something. I think it's a good idea. It's too late for Stephen Baldwin. It is certainly too late. Being out-acted by

Frank Stallone. Dude, Eric, I got to tell you, when you're right, you're right, I got to give it to Frank Stallone. He's not bad in this movie. He's not bad in this movie. He's better than both. He's better than ludicrous. By a country He's got, he's got the great

line where he's talking about like, oh yeah, like, at first, like, you know, my brother was, you know, my assistant. He was my trainer, blah, blah, blah. And he's going on and on. And he's like, by the time I got to Rocky 3, I mean, I didn't even know who Frank Stallone was anymore. That's very funny.

I just don't know why they limited it only to three. Like, it's Roger Clinton, Stephen Baldwin, and Frank Stallone. Like, Giumati has brothers that act. Mark Giumati is an actual actor. But nobody knows. The thing is, people know those guys. I understand that.

But, like, I kind of, I wanted the other ones to be, like, be able to say, like, oh, well, you know, I don't know. Like, who's like, oh, I'm Jimmy Redford. Yeah. Yeah. Like, sure. Or you can get, you know, Julia Roberts's sister that she bullied into oblivion. You can get her in there. Oh, right.

Or you have assistance. You could get Eric Roberts in that. Oh, yes. I mean, yeah. You know, my sister, Julie is always in the red carpet down here eating shit. Dude, once you said Julia Roberts, I was like, of course, Eric. Eric Roberts. And then you brought up the sister. No one remembers. What is the sister?

She was a personal assistant that apparently like, Julia Roberts was absolutely vicious to like, what she was younger. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Julia, I'll forgive you. If you call me. That's, no, I just need Eric Roberts being like, she was in mystic pizza

and I was eating pizza hunt for all my meals. Absolutely. That's a line I'd like. I mean, but that. She was the pretty woman and I couldn't find a pretty woman. Remember, Chris, only a hundred million. Only a hundred million. Sorry. We can't afford all these.

Listen, all I need is just a couple of craft services lunches. That's all I need. You know what? I think that's why this scene exists. Someone was like, oh, we over budgeted on craft services. We won't be buying this many days worth of lunches. What with this day lunch budget could we do? Oh, hire Stephen Baldwin, Frank Stallone, and Roger Clinton all for that price point. Roger Clinton jokes in the year 2007.

It's rough as shit. It's too bad. This didn't happen a few years later. You could have gotten both the other Hemsworth brothers. You couldn't get me Jeb? Liam and Blockhead, Hemsworth. Jeb Bush, you're saying?

Get Jeb. If Bush is the president currently, get Jeb in there. I'm just the governor of Florida. Yeah, exactly. He's the whole nation's leader. Even though I gave him the election. He started a war for daddy. What did I get?

Yeah, I don't know. It's a, it's a scene that it comes to absolutely nothing. You know what happened? So like Roger Clinton is saying like, oh man, I love my brother. And like he kind of has the emotional pivot of like, you know, even though he's successful. I love my brother. There's a really lame part where Stephen Baldwin, who is being outacted by Frank Stallone, gets up, gets anger. Because you know what he wants to do?

He wants to fight that Vince Vaughn because we want to get into a big old fight. It's an almost fight, which you know what? Mark it. I'm telling you. This is a silly fight scene. It's a silly fight scene. And then like the joke is the therapist guy's like he's not Alec. And I mean like you imagine that he's not Alecline opening weekend and the whole theater erupts in a laughter. Absolutely dude. Also I was thinking you see Stephen Baldwin in this when he's getting all like brer. And I, you know, I hadn't seen Stephen Baldwin and I can't tell you how long. And I know this is already an old old movie. Oh, I saw him yesterday. is doing well. He's asked about you. Oh, your luncheons with Stephen, of course. I wish.

But I noticed he has the same, like, and obviously they're brothers, like, but he's got the same sort of, my posture wasn't great throughout my whole life hunch that Alec has now.

Like, if you look at him, it's really Alec in 30 rock mode. That's same, like, my hands are kind of like bunched at my side and I'm sort of crouched over.

And if you're, if you're trying to make jokes here, one, it would be great if, like the one he's really jealous of is Daniel like really I'd be stupid I wish I was vampires

you know what I mean or whatever I wish I had nothing to lose it is the obvious joke right you have all those brothers to choose from the yeah I wish I if he's all the brothers but Alex I wish I was in fucking backdraft didn't get that role and then the therapist could have that line of like

you're jealous of Daniel not Alan you want to be in Mulhollen Falls really okay that's interesting Interesting. That'd be fun. Also, by the way, you know, you need Jim Belushi. You get Jim Belushi in here. It's like, oh, man, everyone loves my dead fucking brother. Yeah. He's been dead for 30 years and he's still somehow more popular than me.

It would have been the money melon. Like, that's the get right now. I mean, but so like, this scene does nothing. And I guess it's, it is the treehouse that makes him realize. I think the treehouse actually comes after this. He opens the president after. I think you're right. And it's like that because that's sorry about. about your cut your tree down oh and then he like his he's moved and he spends the $50,000 that Santa gave him on a loan for that OTB to get himself back to the North Pole not by magic yeah it would take you like four days like you know what I mean like it would be like yeah it's I mean this is where it's like we're trying for a funny joke which maybe if you spend time on it of him actually traveling. You do the shots of like, I don't even remember, like, Yukon territory and stuff. Give me moments

and interactions with those people. Yep, exactly. Because it's like, he takes like a, it's like a plane to a cargo ship. Yeah. To a dude operating a dog sled. And then he's just walking. It's like when Homer and Apu go to the first Quiki Mart ever. Yeah. And there's like walking up that mountain. Like he's just walking with like snow shoes on. But all of those you're right. But like those and even like, because this made me think of like family guy how they'll do jokes like this. Sure. Those all end with

a punchline. You know what this ends with? A brother, I'm so sorry. Oh, oh, please let me become Santa Claus. Well, he's got a dude because Santa's back is out. He devises this whole way like, oh, oh, oh, Elizabeth Banks, crank the numbers here. If we only make baseball bats and hula hoops. Yep. Ha ha. Is everybody getting happy? We can give every kid in the world a toy and yeah we're cutting corners but we can make it work see santa cla every every kid deserves a present on christmas every every kid needs a gendered present on christmas yeah i mean also just give everybody hula hoops if that's the case or give everybody a ball you know one of my favorite things is being terrible at doing a hula hoop yeah sure why not give it a shot i'm gonna do with a

baseball bat smash shit you're certainly not playing baseball yeah but so yeah now we're just the He's got a suit up, dude, and you better believe we're just throwing a little fucking under the radar gay joke in here. Oh, I missed. What he's, he's fucking suiting up, and he's got the big coat on, he puts a belt on, then he puts these red gloves, and he looks at the red glove, and he goes,

oh, I don't think so. It just takes it off. I do like that it has to be the bloodline of the claws. Oh, yes. Which is also, like, when we get to it, which is about to happen anyway, so it doesn't matter. Let's get to this. He just

He just flies out with John Michael Higgins. They're going to do it together. And he's like falling down all of these chimneys like violently. Yes. Which is where the immortality would make sense to bring up. Because all these things don't hurt them. Right exactly. I'm not going to break my knees when I fall down the chimney.

And this is where the movie dies because it's already been dead on the table for a while. Just stop. He's already dead. As a comedic. presence. Like the idea here is like, oh man, and then it's just going to be Vince Bond delivering presents. And

there's nothing funny about it. No. Like there's just there's no, you know what I mean? Like if it's like Chris Farley or I'm trying to think of like Tim Allen. Tim Allen. It's funnier when Tim Allen's doing. Jim Carrey. You know what I mean? Like these are comedic presences that if they had to do a Santa Claus thing, you're like and then we'll let him cook. He's just

doing it. He's just kind of giving presents and he's surly about it. A male man in Harlem this this afternoon delivering packages way more funny he was just very like careful with it like do do do the computer this then the other thing and it's like this little grate or whatever

like this you know like an iron great door or whatever yeah dude very like he's very he's like holding it very nice and then he just like gets it through and he chucks it and it smashes against the wall on the inside I'm like this made my day hell yeah dude He's a verbose, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, he's a, a, he's a, a, a, a, he's a, a, a, a, a, he's a, a, a, he's a, a, a great physical comedian. And, like, this is, this is what the movie should build up to. And, like, and like, he's, he should be good at it. Yeah. It should be, like, you should have a montage set, we're, by the way, doing, uh, Christmas rapping by the waitresses. Excellent song. Excellent song. Excellent.

under-appreciated Christmas song. Agreed. This movie's doing its best to make me start hating it though because that's the song for this montage but like you need to see him like really snappy like like the postman. Like he's throwing presents accurately like oh hey ha ha oh this I'm getting the hang of this

now. You can have all that bad ADR right here we go. Oh yeah. Heck yeah. Merry Christmas. All that but he's like surly about it because that's the only character trade he kind of has is the surliness. And meanwhile, think something, here comes Kevin Spacey to turn the power off.

Okay, we'll flip that switch back on and let's finish the movie. Like this part, I'm like, dude, a switch that everybody can see. That's what comes up the works. I just realized Kevin Spacey of the board should have hired the best repo man on earth to repo the North Bull.

Oh, dude, I want you to turn on your own brother. What a conflict that would be actually. Right, yeah. And he's like taking the sleigh away. Cutting the power. Just, God, damn. It's so stupid. I can't stand how much I hate this movie. Because of that Kevin Spacey plot makes zero sense.

Because we're an hour 45 in. He's delivering the presents. We've already done the thing. We're done. We're out of here. Paul Giumani and him have made up. Like, why do I need Kevin Spacey to turn the fucking power off? Christmas is saved.

Yes, Christmas has been saved already, Eric. We've already irresponsibly given that homeless orphan a dog to take care of. Which was insane. Bad move Santa Claus. Living creatures you're throwing out. I'm sorry, the orphanage is taking that dog in the morning and it's going to be heartbreaking and that dog is going to go to a back to the pound. Hopefully not to a kill shelter.

Oh, we will kill shelter. I mean, that's the, why not, why is the thing like this movie is already stupid and you're already, you can go for big swings at this point. I certainly don't give a shit like adopt Slam and the puppy and then you have done something maybe good that I can back up. But he does. slam is then immortal as a child. There you go. The child of a cause.

Yeah, yeah. And it'll be like Kirsten Dunst in, uh, interview with the vampire. Like, why did you fucking make me? You can never grow old. That's a question, though. If you get divorced from the Clause family and like once the document is signed. You age like a fucking skeleton.

It's, yeah, it's, uh, it's, it's a Indiana Jones of the last crusade. That would happen to Miranda Richardson if she ever divorced him. Oh, then you just start. What is happening? To me! Merry, Chris. Christmas. That's what you get for cheat. Oh, I'm too fat, huh? What have you died right now?

He's like, he's got the quill pen out. I can divorce you and then you're dead under Elf law. I mean, I imagine if Kevin Spacey were to be successful and they were fired and kicked out of that, it would be like the beetle juice them at the table. And they just start like, oh, yep, they dehydrate. Everything just goes. But something, something with the power off, they don't know where to go, but Vince Vaughn's doing it anyway. by instinct.

We have no time to think about that because Paul Giumadi using his like Santa power is like rips this dude to shreds. He's just like he fucking uses like Santa deduction and he's like oh, your name's Clyde. You wear glasses, huh?

Four-eyed Clyde. Bet that's what they call Jessica. And this is, he gets kind of the most like devilishly Giumadi right here. It's kind of awesome. This is fucking crazy too because it's like, you wanted a super man. Cape or whatever.

Yep. Was he already Lex Luthor by now? He was already. Is that the joke? The year before. It was hilariously in the, because we're still trying to make that a thing in this movie, in the toy store scene,

when they're fighting, you will see a wall of Superman. Superman Returns? Yes. Really? Wow. Because it's Warner Brothers, so they're trying to cross.

Well, actually now Warner Brothers is selling its movies to Tubi. So what do I know? But yeah, he sort of just like deduces Like this is why you hate Christmas Because I never brought you that Superman cape And boy, oh, I'm just sorry about that Here's the cape, you're no longer a villain Let's get the power back on

All I could bring you is the role of Lex Luthor I know you wanted to be Superman Because you think you're very young I know I saw beyond the C2 Sorry I couldn't I couldn't get your immunity for all those crimes you did You wrote to Santa Claus for that But that's not really within my power

So he's happy now And I guess that means The board is okay Question mark Hey you know what It's best not to think too hard It might start to hurt Yeah

Even though But that's even Even better Because then Kevin Spacey puts on the cape And he's like Well I've learned Whatever I needed to learn

And he pushes the switch And then it doesn't work And Giamati's like Uh oh And it's like Whoa What? Like can this fucking shit add

No No Another turn We cut to the bar and everyone's kind of sad. It's like, oh, I guess they didn't make it. They're probably dead. And it's like, what are you talking about? Yeah.

The sleigh turned in. There were no survivors. But then John Michael Higgins comes in and like smoky, like he's all smoked up or whatever. Like, you know, like some explosion had happened. Right. Yeah. Well, he just, he got back from a night of badass hero work. He plugged his fingers into Elmer Fudd's gun.

Just. And he just jumped. I mean, that's to your point. Like, I figure who said it like, I think John, Higgins is a great comedic actor but A, you're modulating his voice and B, you're putting his head on a fucking little kid's body. Therefore, like,

he's barely doing anything at this point. He's doing his best, but... It's just a head. He's fucking Jombie. It's just Jombie, dude. And he gets... Sucks! He looks at Elizabeth Banks. He grabs a chair and then he jumps on it and they start making out.

And then here goes Fred Claws. Like, he made it, I guess. He won. It's kind of great. The reception is definitely greater for Willie the head elf than it is Fred Claus. I know you're here too, Fred Claus. That's fantastic. And then Q Shaney O'Connor's haunting rendition of Silent Night. I mean, it's beautiful, but it belongs

nowhere near this movie. And all of the elves go to the globe, which now has power again, and they could watch all the kids just enjoy opening all the proud. Real weird. That's awesome. The kids in the presence. And that's what this movie's about. Not really, no.

No, not at all. Also, a religious Christmas movie, a Christmas song rather, right in your Santa movie is kind of dumb now that I think about that a little more. You're specifically godless Santa movie. You're right, it's a board. And

this is when we're starting wrapping it up really quick and Fred Claus goes to what goes to Rachel Weiss, who by the way that scene should be when he goes back to Chicago, he goes to find her and she's like you need to change or something instead of the

stupid siblings anonymous scene. But no, he goes there now and he basically is like, I want to move in with you, let's move in. And she's like, great. I'm British, I guess. No, she can't, like, it's worse. Like, she's there like, what are you doing here? We have so much talk to. Well, we're moving in together.

And that actually ends. We have to end this movie. Okay, this movie has to end now. So you do have to move in with me. She's just like, that offer was off the table after the North Pole kidnapping. But all right, you're just in my house. She needs more scenes or did not be in this move. Absolutely. Absolutely. And then we get the narration like all this stuff's going on and Slam found a family and like I guess so.

Slam found a family. Vince Vaughn takes her Rachel Weiss to Paris on the sleigh because that's like the thing he fucking lied about or was like hinting all this Paris Paris Paris stuff to throw her off the hint of going to a riverboat gambling trip in Indiana or something. You know what? Vince, I was just talking to Kevin. He said, you know, he brought up a. point. We shouldn't have that Cheney O'Connor's song at the end of movie. He gave a good and upbeat. You know, it's not a Christmas song necessarily, but I think it's a good upbeat song. It's called Rock and Roll Part 2. And I think it would just be great for opening presents. We're all happy. We're all dancing. It's got, it's a real tune that gets you pumped up. Are you insinuating that Gary Glitter's not going to heaven? Maybe not. He's going to be right. Him and Kevin Spacey up there with the board. Yeah. Them and Brian just hanging out.

And we just end on Fred Claus, hosts the whole family for New Year's Eve. Kathy Bates makes some inappropriate comments to him or whatever. Yeah. And that's the end of the movie. It plays out your classic, oh, it's like a gentle Christmas song for that first part of the credits. And then, uh-oh, ludic Christmas. Get it going. Dude, no way.

And he is 100% at the beginning of that song saying out loud Fred Claus. Oh, nice. Absolutely. Dude, it really took me back. It's an old-fashioned sound. contract song in that way. I hope he got paid $60 million for that. Yeah. I hope most of it is Luda. I really do. And that is the end of Fred Claw's final thoughts here. Eric Cisca. Yes. I would rather have a, speaking of Dahmer family Christmas. Drill a hole in my head and drop some acid in there.

Okay. Because fuck, man, this is maybe one of the worst we've ever done. It was very hard for me to watch. And none of it makes sense. And, you know, I think it's a shame because there are some, talented people involved not Kevin Spacey it just doesn't do anything no yeah that's my two sense Chris Cabin I agree 100% I this the Vince Vaughn run

of these movies where he's leading it is some of the worst stuff you can watch yep like it I would say I would go as far as to say this stuff almost killed like romantic comedies this stuff really did like it was around that time this really did stick there and didn't do well.

And I think you're always in a bad place where your main idea is just let them riff. Like if that is your main idea for what a movie is, it's gonna fuck up more than likely. You've got a great point there because it was rom-coms were Vince Vaughn and then Kevin James farting.

And then they came together for the dilemma. Yes, and now they're done. It's all over. You're right though. This is why I don't watch what I call big box comedies. I haven't watched them forever. I didn't even watch the Jennifer Lawrence one that everybody liked because I'm like, I don't know, isn't Vince Vaughn in that?

Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm still traumatized. Yeah, my piece, yeah, absolutely not. I think there's so many better Christmas movies you can enjoy. I even think I'm not the world's biggest fan of Elf, but again, I've come around to it. If you need a frat pack mid-a-odz Christmas movie, just fucking watch Elf and you'll have a much better time. And it's a half hour shorter. Yep, absolutely.

Yeah, no, this was the first and only time I will ever watch this movie. did not care for it. Get it out of that family holiday rotation. I'm sorry. Trick mom. Put another DVD in the case. Whatever you got to do. This be poison. I don't care for it. Sorry, Vince Vaughn. Not great. I, you know what? Even take the shitty a Christmas story sequel that took place in summer with Charles Broden. Get that one in there. Sure. Just fucking chain it up. I can't fucking deal with this. Christmas vacation too. Cousinetti's Island Adventure. Let's fucking do it. Whatever. But that is going to do it for what turns out to be the final. we hate movies episode of 2023 Holy smokes Goodbye everyone That's right Put this year

Right in the fucking dirt dude Wow We are thrilled to be out of 2023 Lots of action ahead For 2024 Hot action Hot action dude

But this month Here in the WHMU We had a lot of Holiday related action A very nutty Christmas Yes indeed On once in a lifetime A better movie than this

A lethal weapon A much better Christmas movie than this This is on our real movie. The Star Wars holiday special, which is much better than this. Absolutely. According to me. Doug Christmas special, which is actually better than it.

It is. Absolutely. This is the worst thing we've covered this month, I believe, is this movie. Two episodes of Melrose Place in 902 and no that don't have anything. It's to do with Christmas, but it are better than this. Yeah. Oh, and Star Trek, too. Yeah.

Also better than this. All of it better. All of it better. And coming up soon. Yeah. Which will be better than this. What's going on? We're doing a Harry Pottermentary on the prisoner of Ascabanmentary.

Is that what we're calling it these days? That's what we're doing. That's what we're calling it. The Alfonso Quaron, Harry Potter movie that is really good. We're going to have a lot of fun with it. But written by a big at piece of shit. Underlined that. Just in case anyone freaked the fuck out and hasn't heard us addressed that a thousand times. Anyway, all that more patreon.com slash we hate movies, including at the $8 level and up,

ad free we hate movies so if you are there that's better than this well absolutely none of them pesky commercials man uh so all that and more patreon dot com slash we hate movies uh so what's gonna happen is we will ring in the new year and then we'll be back in 2024 just next week uh i think it's literally january the second we are back in business and steve january kicks off uh you know we do some episodes on some of the worst movies we've seen this year so what are we starting things off with here i don't i can't say better than this because we were talking about Ben Affleck's hypnotic from this year. It's touchy.

It might be better than this, but you're really... It is shorter. It is shorter. That's the key thing, really. I'm excited. I have not watched this yet. I am so pumped. It's a movie. Fickner's in it, so it's better. It's a movie that should have come out 17 years ago, but somehow they made it this year. It's so good.

But yeah, Steve's been sitting on this one for a while. He's very excited. So until next week, you know, I hope you had a nice Christmas. If you're doing that, course coming up. And we will see you in 2024 when we get hypnotic. Until then, I've been Andrew Juppin. Stephen Siddack. Eric Siska.

Chris Cabin. Take it easy. Thank you.