We Hate Movies - S14 Ep719: Expend4bles

Episode Date: January 23, 2024

“Kill any of these people! Is it possible for any of them to die?” - Steve on the titular Expendables On this week’s episode, after we figure out how to pronounce the title, we’re chatting about the fourth, and likely final, film in the franchise, Expend4bles! Is it time to wrap up the franchise when the casting ‘gets’ keep getting smaller and smaller? Why can’t Jason Statham and Tony Jaa get some buddy action film instead? Why did the film team rely on so much wretched CGI? And how are we rooting for Sly’s character after he straight-up murders a (more or less) innocent man? PLUS: Larry the Cable joins the next Expendables line-up! Expend4bles stars Jason Statham, Curtis ’50 Cent’ Jackson, Megan Fox, Dolph Lundgren, Tony Jaa, Eko Uwais, Andy Garcia, Randy Couture, Jacob Scipio, Levy Tran, Lucy Newman-Williams, and Sylvester Stallone as Barney; directed by Scott Waugh. This episode is brought to you in part by MeUndies! This Valentine’s Day, give the gift that’ll always have them thinking of you and get 20% off your first order, plus free shipping, at MeUndies dot com slash whm. That’s Me Undies dot com slash whm for 20% off, plus free shipping.  Be sure to stay up to date on new tour dates being announced. Head to our tour page now and catch up on info about our next worldwide digital experience on THE FLASH, along with upcoming dates in ATL, HOU & ATX! Want more WHM? Join our Patreon fam today and instantly unlock hours and hours of exclusive bonus content, including Ad-Free WHM Prime at the $8 level and up! Make the WHM Merch Store your one-stop shop for all your We Hate Movies needs! Including new Polish Decoy, ‘Jack Kirby’, and Forrest the Universal Soldier designs!

Hey, gang, you know that slow jam version of the WHM theme song that we use on on screen live, among other things? Well, you know, that audio file is exactly 52 seconds long. And in that time right now, I'm going to attempt to jam in every single tour date we have coming up for you fine folks around the world and in some states of the United variety. All right, so here we go. We're going to put in the theme song and see if I can do this. Three, two, one, go. All right, so let's see. First up, on February 1st, we're going to be on the internet global event, folks,

talking the flash. Replay is going to be available for seven days after the show. You can go straight to moment.com slash we hate movies. Get them ticks for that. April 25th, that's 425, we're returning to Atlanta, Georgia for the first time in seven years. We're going to be at the city winery, classing it up a little bit in Atlanta, Georgia, 425. Then on 514, we're making our way to the Lone Star State, folks. Houston, Texas.

We're at the Houston Improv, going to be great Houston debut, and then 515, Austin, Texas are returned there after six years away. Cap City Comedy Club. All these tickets available, all the information, WHM Podcast.com. Hey, I did it. Pretty cool, eh, Ernest Borgne? Cool, man. Woo-hoo!

Please listen carefully for a very important we hate movies related announcement. Holy smokes, it's listener request month folks. New listeners are like what? And old listeners are like yeah, well what is listener request month? It's that one time of year where you tell us what to watch. So like every year we're going to open up

the WHM request line and it's up to you to program our entire March calendar, all right? The way it works is you dial 1-833-946-4-2-6-4, or in an easier, more fun way, 1-833 W-W-H-M gang, and leave us a brief message, brief message about one movie you'd like us to cover. Be sure to include your name and where you're calling from to be eligible, and that's one movie per call. And it calls asking for more than one are disqualified folks. We will throw that in the trash so fast.

So what's eligible to be called in? Nearly everything. The 10-year rule, which only kind of exists now anyway, is off the table. We just needed to be streaming somewhere so that us and, you know, your fellow audience members, can find it. We're not buying $90 VHS tapes on eBay, folks. Well, maybe Steve is, but the rest of us definitely aren't. So make sure your request is somewhere digital. And just to be clear, the phone lines are open for We Hate Movies Entries Only,

so it's got to fit that vague parameter of a week. hate movies title, all right? Also, there's a couple of movies like The Room and Burdemic, things like that that we're just not going to do, so do not bother. Hey, also, Patreon friends, our loyal kick-ass Patreon subscribers, we'd never forget you all. You get to email us directly with your picks for Patreon selections. Email WHM requests at gmail.com.

That's WHM requests, plural, WHM requests at gmail.com. Now, what can you request stuff for? Here we go. A We Love Movies episode, all right? These are available at the $5 level and up. That's a movie that you love and you think we'll also love and would be able to make a fun, two-ish hour chat out of, okay? Same deal as the WHM requirements, you know, need to find it somewhere, yada, yada,

though let's be smart about it, gang. Leave the incredibly challenging atrocity films like Zone of Interest for a less goofy podcast. Kind of hard to make scenes of people sifting through the items of the recently murdered funny. You know what I mean? Look at the We Love Movies back catalog list. on our website, WHMpodcast.com, if you want to get some inspiration, all right? Now, for animation, damnation,

that's the $3 level on up, folks, we're going to need the name of a 30-ish-minute cartoon and the specific episode, very important, specific episode that you want us to talk about, as well as where we can find it. If it's streaming, let us know where. And if it's on YouTube or somewhere else like that,

just include the link in your email. No feature film requests, folks. These are 30-ish-minute cartoons only, all right? Nexus episodes, that's at our $8. level and up. That's right. We're opening up to any and all episodes of Star Trek TNG, Deep Space 9, Voyager Enterprise, or Strange New Worlds. That's exciting, right? Look, we're leaving out TOS because we're just about done with TOS episodes on the actual run of the Nexus. So no point in doing that. And also, yes, we added in Strange New Worlds

because it's episodic. I've seen all of it. The guys won't be lost. So I know there's a bunch of Strange New World episodes. I'd love to have the guys watch and talk about too. So feel free to write those in. We just need the name of the show. and the episode you'd like to be covered. The Star Wars Gleap Glossary, of course, also at the $8 level and up. If you have a fun Star Wars character, you always wanted to hear us riff on,

let us know, shoot us an email of the character in question and we'll look into it. We've done a lot of Gleap Glossary's entries over the years, though, all right, so be sure you double check. We haven't covered your character yet, because otherwise, it's a waste of your time. For all the above, by the way, please send us one email per request.

We've got to keep this as organized as possible, and this is the only way to do it, one email per request. So if you want to request something for each of the, the four side shows. That's four separate emails with subject lines that let us know what you're requesting. Make it easy on us, please. Again, any emails that double up, they're getting chucked in the bin, all right? We got to keep it organized. Lastly, sorry, no request will be taken for Melro 2 and O. We got to go in order there, gang. Absolutely no way we'd be able to navigate

those insane waters at random, okay? Also, as always, include your name and where you're writing in from in those emails. We're not going to read your email address on the aerodoxy or anything. We'd just like to give you credit for the request. Starting January the 16th, which is right now and ending 1159 Eastern Standard Time on January the 31st, that's January 16th through 1159 EST on January the 31st. We will be accepting brief phone calls for We Hate Movies episodes via 1833-946-4264. That's 1833-WHM gang. And for Patreon requests, we're accepting emails via WHM requests at gmail.com. We're so excited to see what you all beautiful folks calling because this March, you tell us what to watch. This week on the show, it's a movie

whose title you can't technically pronounce right. It's supposedly the expendables for, but it's the expendable. I'm Andrew Juppen. I'm Steve Forn-Said Fordak. Eric Fras, Sist, blah. A Cephorbin. Kefabin. And we hate move fories. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in. As always. That's right. If you couldn't make any sense of that intro, we're talking the expendables four from last year, directed by Scott Waugh. And that's right. You get that A out of that title. You put a fucking four in there. Four, four, four, four, four, four, four. Yeah, sure. Is this Andrew Kevin Walker's fault for 7-7-7?

But the thing is 7 was the name of the movie. There's four should be at the end of this. Yeah. The 7 is in, there's a, it's S-E-7-E-N. Oh, shit. I forgot about the S-E-7-E-N. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is neither Andrew Kevin Walker nor David Fincher's problem.

This is Fast and Furious's problem. Yep. That's what this is. Too Fast, too Furious. Also, like, I'm sorry, the fate of the Furious is the stupidest fucking thing I've ever. Like, it's just so fucking stupid. You should have put the eight in the title.

You really did. But let me tell you this. You fucked it up by not doing that. And then eventually they were just like, I don't know, fucking Fast 9. Just put it out there. I don't care. Who cares? Yeah, but at this point, you got to let me call it a saga. I don't know. Here's the thing. Chris, with Fate of the Furious,

at least it's phonetically correct. and F, fate, fate, F-A-T-E, we're doing something. This is the word expendables, and instead of an A, you wrote a four, because you're an idiot. I mean, a four could kind of look like an A, I suppose. Oh, I understand it, Steve. I know, I'm just telling you out. It doesn't make it not stupid. Sure.

The Avengers have, their A looks like a four kind of, right? It does, it does indeed. Is there a reason behind that? No. I'm, I am sorry. Well, it should have been, okay, so. than for Avengers Infinity

4. That's right. Yeah, there we go. I think when the MCU Fantastic 4 movie comes out, it should be 4antastic 4-war. Like, those two Fs are both fours. Yes. Is the core of it

really like, oh, people text like morons? Why don't we make titles like morons? You know they do, Chris. I mean, I guess that has to be it. Like, I just, I Can't stand it. So here's the thing. I think that this is just all of a way.

Who wanted this movie? Did anybody, aside from us, apparently, who loved, we love these movies. We're always talking about them. And we'll always talk about these movies. But did anyone in the world want this movie? There's definitely guys that used to rent from like Red Box that drive F-150s. Yeah.

Okay. I can see, I can see the DTV like a crowd, like the people who are really into the VOD action market. I can see them still getting pumped about this because this is like for them, this is the big one. But what's crazy about that is a lot of those VOD action movies

much better. Look better than this. It's for people, alcoholics that are trying to get their shit together, get a couple of community college credits to become gym teachers. That is it. It's the guy who, this movie is exactly for that guy. The guy who goes to Vegas and his first stop is Toby.

Keith's, I love this barring. That's the level of dude that this movie was made for. That is what it's made for. That is correct. But they miscalculate a million things. One of which is that you would want, you know, I love this bar type. You would want that song here. What you get is this dub step like half country rap. Oh, I don't know about that.

Where's your backbone, brother? Where's your backbone brother? Like country stars trying to make songs like, the weekend would sing. Like, it's a really wild shit that, and like Lil Wayne knockoffs. It's horrible. It's incredible, too, though.

Because Stallone, you know, famously in our last episode, we talked about the movie is PG-13 and oh my God, how do you fuck that up? Which is that a great, great point by us as always. Yeah, it's what I was asking too, man. So Stallone, yet again, somehow miscalculated so he goes for the R this time.

Yeah. But he's like, you know what people really care about, the relationship between the expendables. Wrong. No. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It's also another failed passing of the torch. Exactly. Yes. Well, apparently and again, this is, it's all Tribune

Trivia, so who knows, you know, up is down, left, is right, I don't know. But somewhere along the way someone mentions that the script for this movie, it was intentionally supposed to be like a Christmas spin-off thing, like his character,

Statham's character, Christmas. It was going to be his own thing. And then it was like, I don't know, man. Maybe just be spenderblis. Well, you know, one of the writers on this is Kurt Wimmer. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

Who also has the beekeeper coming up. Yes, he's got two craig. He's a screenplay and story that motherfucker. He loves it. He's Statham head. You know, it must be difficult for, I mean, like, when you think about for Jason Statham to, like, go from playing Shaw in the fast franchise and then over to playing Christmas and this.

Like, do you think like he, like, loses weight? No. He has to figure out a different thing. No. And he's like, oh, how does, how does Christmas walk? He walks like this. Well, how does Shaw walk? It's the same guy, but one wears a beret.

Yes. Well, that's the thing. He's doing like, I'm sure we're in it at. Yeah. Or he's doing like, show walks like this. You know, and then Christmas walks like this. It's like, it's the same thing. This is, I mean, that's why Statham, like, is in that pantheon,

of these action guys, I feel, right? Because, like, that's one of the things, right? Like, for most of these dudes, you're just playing that guy. Arnold, Bruce. Yeah, of course. Sly. So, like, he works in that. Yeah.

Yes, yeah, yeah. I mean, the thing that's differentiating them now is just, like, Lee Christmas can be almost in a relationship. Like, Shaw is not. Shaw is purely escorts and, like, a girl he doesn't call the next day. Yeah. I got to feel it also, Shaw's living a lot better than Lee, like Lee Christmas has some piece of shit

It's weekend Christmas He's weekend Christmas We find out that he's like check to check The second he quits the expense Oh shit I need another job immediately Which is so funny to me dude Because like that is the sort of like The mythos of all these dudes

And these kind of movies right It's like I do it for the money man I'm making fucking six million dollars I'll fly to South America and kill a dictator And it's like this dude's fucking circle in one half Just alone he's you know The Barney Ross character, he's a patriot, first and foremost. He's paying these guys minimum wage.

Oh, of course. Health insurance, I don't think so. You're up to 15 an hour. That's something. I heard once someone went to a doctor, his name was pussy. That's, you know, so I don't know why you would have to go to the doctor. Unless you're a pussy Christmas. Unless your name is pussy Christmas.

If you want to, you know, if you want to complete. that McDonald's employees and make them more than you you should complain to Bernie Sanders because they shouldn't be making that much I mean you should be making more than them but it just so happens that yes they do make more than you

yeah they should live under the under the bus stop and that's who I want making my food yeah I make six times more than you guys do with it oh oh Mr. Percy goes to the dentist too oh that's interesting I just thought us men

just let our teeth rot out of our mouth and then you know went on with life that's funny. Can I say that I love that we started Gaddafi's old chemical factory? It's not his new one. Here's the thing. Here's the thing specifying Omar Gaddafi and it's like Gaddafi's abandoned chemical plant. That's a location thing you would see pop up in a McGruber sketch. So you are you are laughing from like the first frame of this movie and not for a reason they want you to. Goddafi chemical plant 3 a.m. Right. Yeah. There's three things I hate. Goddafi chemicals and

plants. The Teenager Ninja Turtle thing is, is correct because the, like American sniper, they're aiming for the fucking early 90s, like the late fucking Gen Xers with this movie. Like, yeah. Oh, what do you remember? You remember Gaddafi, right? Yeah, okay, we're going to the Gaddafi's old chemical plant. That's the one we're going to. You remember that, right? Please. I wish it was a thing where, like, this dude, uh, who's the film of this movie, the fellow from the raid here. You go to ace. Yeah, like this dude, like he opens up a door at this chemical factory and it's like

Gaddafi's backup wardrobe and he puts it on. He's got the fucking glasses and the stupid hat and all the metal. He like presses down until he like all this gold pops out or something. It kind of needs a sense of humor. They're trying to have the guy playing Antonio Benderis' son being the comic relief. And I just. That work. No, sir.

Dude, dude. I mean, well, that's the thing is the, this is what has said this movie fails is it doesn't get anybody. Like the 50 cent is it. And he doesn't even do much. Oh, there's Megan Fox. And she's coming back. That's another new one. Eco and Tony.

Yeah. Eco and Tony Jahn. That's fair. Here's the thing that pissed me up, man. It's like Tony Jop, man, what a get. Dude is awesome. So underused in this movie. And I feel like the thought I had at one point, when Tony Jop.

Tony Jod does eventually join the party here. You know, I like, here's the thing. Maybe I've said this before, gone officially on the record, whatever. I have talked about my excitement for the beekeeper. Like, I think Statham is fine. I'm not going to pretend I've seen all his movies. I don't rush out to see all of them,

like, but I like him enough. And I think him and Tony Jat just in some action buddy movie. Oh, yeah, dude. Like, when the two of them are raiding the boat, I was like, this is kind of something. They should have killed. all these expendables, live up to the time. Do like a suicide squad thing.

Oh, Jesus all. First 10 minutes. And then it's Christmas and Jha and they're getting together a new crew. At one point, I think it's when EcoWAS is like threatening about a prisoner exchange and he's like because if you don't, the expendables will finally live up to the name. I'm like, fucking finally

kill any of these people. Is it possible for any of them to die? It should be won a movie. At least, at least. You can't. At least. You can't. can't do that. That's not, no, because everybody's got their favorite, right? No, everybody's got Toll Road. Somebody's got the character poster. There's definitely someone that loves Toll Road. I can't. The mailbag is your favorite expendable is

right in Couture's Toll Road. If you're dead as a poster of Toll Road and he drives around town, uh, buying snake flags and taught and telling everybody about his ear contusion. Oh, just, just everybody who will listen. Well, that's because he was a a wrestler, Chris. I know. I remember. I heard the movie. I love this toll road. But, yeah, it's Gaddafi's old chemical plant. And EcoAis and his team who are very vague at this point, remain vague.

Just fuck it up. You're not even sure like who's who or why is what. You're like, is there going to be expendable? No, not in this position. Okay, got it. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. And also here's the thing. When you have these kind of cold open, you know, set pieces that set up the villain or whatever, and I'm not seeing Nary and expendable. Yes. It's okay if you've got like a heavy hitter. Right.

And like, no, you know, shade to equal ways. No. Dude was in both Raid movies. He's very talented action actor, stunt guy, all that shit, but like he doesn't have the juice as far as like Hollywood filmmaking goes to

to be running a starless cold open. That's a good point because they do. They do the worst thing. You could have decided between, do you start just with the expendables, get the guys back in here, or do you start the plot? Do you like get what the villain is doing? And they split the fucking difference. Yes, they do.

They fucking start with the fucking, with EcoAis doing this raid on the chemical plant. And like, I'm not kidding you, maybe five minutes into it, cut to who gives a flying fuck Barney Roth and Christopher Lee Christmas. And it's, it's amazing when they cut back to the chemical plant. I'm like, oh, that's still happening? Yeah, what, how is this working? Yeah, I was like, oh, I thought they left. They must have left by now. They're like mid-action when they cut to Christmas.

Yes. It's like, oh, we just got to the general, finally. And this whole, like this whole sly rolling out on the motorcycle, this is where you get the, where's your backbone, brother? This hog he's on with the, I kind of love this. gigantic tire. Well, he's, I mean, it's all fake penises. He's got the big fat cigar that's going on his mouth. He's right. The cock rocked. Suck it on it. You know what I mean? Anything to make him look as masculine as possible. That's right. Just like Carlin said, dude, sometimes

the cigar is a cigar and sometimes it's a big brown dick. And having a giant ring made him feel like a man. And he's got to go get that back. It's amazing. So he goes to like what he called there. Lee Christmas and his girlfriend, Megan Fox, are having a blowout argument. We opened the door. I was just stunned. Jason Statham just wearing this leather jacket inside, huh?

Just all the time? He's a tough guy. I guess so. I don't know. Just relax a little bit. Oh, babe, you never turn up the air condition. And I'm always freezing my balls off in here. What do you about a host Saturday Night Live? Take that jacket off. Stay a while.

Is she his lady friend in the last? movie? I don't know. They're flirting. They're flirting in the last one, I think, but it's not really a, but I don't think they stamp until the very end. Like, I think they like are like, well, I guess, all right, let me rephrase the question. Is Megan Fox in Expendables three? I didn't remember her. I thought she is. Isn't she? I don't know. Let's check the old. Or is she in the lady expendables? No, no. That was like Cynthia Rothrock was in that. Oh, I think that was a, uh, I think that's an urban legend that movie. Yeah. Oh, I saw that movie. Really? I 100% saw that movie

It's terrible. Gina Carrano's in it, right? That I don't know. Cynthia Rothrock, I think, is like the Sylvester Stallone of that movie. Also, I realize, I think I'm mixing her up, Steve, with What's Her Face from Buffy. Megan Fox is not an expeable. Oh, that's right. That's like Chrysumpermaners are the first movie. Ah, that's what I was thinking about. Okay. Got it. Okay. So this is her first

Expendables movie. That's interesting. Yeah, this is a big name they're adding to it. That doesn't, that makes even less, like, because the way they intro is. It's matter, Chris. I'm just like, I'm like, oh, the way they intro her, I'm like, oh, of course she's been here all the time. She makes complete sense for her to be in this. It must have been why I thought that.

No, I agree. I could have swore she was in one of these movies. It makes sense. It makes total sense. But then, like, you can tell the fucking direction she was given for this scene was like, hey, I'm so happy to have you here on the set. This is great. Could you be more shrewist, like, shrew-like? Well, Chris, she's,

I'm a guy watching Expandible. okay and here comes a woman they're gonna probably argue with me right yeah of course knew it that's what we're going for here I guess so the weird the weird detail like in this argument that they're having here she drops out

like that she is indeed an official member of the expendables already already and that's why I'm like oh yeah okay of course she must have been at one of these movies yeah no no no no no and that's really bad it's kind of weird they didn't bring back

anyone, like, like Ronda Rousey or Len Powell or something. Well, or Kellyn Lutz. I get it, but also like I saw the movie. So I also get it. Like either, like, they were all so bad and they did so little with them that I'm kind of like, I don't need them back. Let's do it again.

But now with Megan Fox. Yeah, new cats. Here's the thing. Like another example of that. And I mean, also, we should say the other big difference is the last expendables movie was like 10 years ago and this was the first one that came out and it took more than

two years to turn around a sequel I would just like a little bit of house like yeah man you ever since that mission with Rhonda Rousey dad sure and you know who you could have used that for is our good buddy Arnold dude because Arnold was not pleased with like they gave him

nothing to do as trench in that third movie remember it was like I am going to sit at the hospital and wait out the movie right and so he was like no I don't want to do expendables four because expendables three sucks shit he knew the he saw the writing on the wall he knew this would be a bomb

and then start with trench getting buried at sea exactly you have you have all of these extra expendables that you're not going to use in this movie you can kill those people off screen it's totally a giant

pine box and you're done especially because our Stallone's motivation later on the movie is like, yeah, so many years ago when Acelot betrayed bad team and eight of them were dead. I'm like, what if eight of those people

were some people I fucking knew? You know what I mean? Like, yeah, yeah. Well, no, the best idea for this would be lethal weapon too, right? The fucking expendables are being assassinated one by one. We don't know who's doing it, but somebody is going after them all.

And like, I think that's kind of what Mel Gibson was going. after two. Yeah. Yeah. In either case, they just don't like stick to it. They're like, well, wait, let's stop that for a minute and not kill anyone at all. Yeah. And let's just talk about we're globetrotting now. We're moving around a lot. It would be cool if there was a picture. You know, Stallone's like, oh, man, Chris, you know, you forget about my old team. And he looks at it. It's like, just a

horribly Photoshop photo of like him and like Henry Fonda. And like just like really people that would never, ever be in the expendables. Just put them in there. Exactly. Oh, my God. I miss my old team. Well, the old team remember. Oh, yeah. Went dead 25 years ago. Yeah, 1990. Yeah. It would have been 98. Yeah. That's crazy. Under Clinton. He's crazy. He's rocking under Clinton. What was happening in under in 98? Wasn't Slobodon brought to justice by then? Sounds right. I think that might have been. just a scotch later. I think Slobodan will still get up to no good in 98.

Oh, wow, he's playing. We had to extract the president from Epstein's Island because there was terrorists coming to go get him. He kept on one cocktails. I didn't appreciate it. Yeah, I think he was in power to like 2000. Wow, wild. So anyway, yeah, Christmas and Megan Foxx

are having this big fucking fight. And Stallone comes in, is like the awkward third wheel in this fight. And it's like, he actually is the one I think that's like, Christmas, man. May I remind you, your girlfriend is also an expensive. And you're just like,

and it's like, all right, I'm going to leave the girl. I got a job. Baddy wants me to do a job and my job, my low rent life. When this guy says jump, I got to say how high. Oh, exactly, because they're best buds.

They're brothers, if you know. God damn it. This is like, just turned Barney Ross into like a, what was the guy Charlie's Angels, the head of the Charlie? Yeah, Bosley. Like, he's got to be

the guy who just sends the expendables on missions from here on out. Because that's what he's doing in this, and when they go to the tainted spoke. Oh, dude. Fuck you. A, fuck you. But B, to then turn his stupid fucking like tequila

symbol ring, tequila logo ring that he's got on into like a major plot point because it starts off that he lost it in the bet last night and now it's on a dildo he he went to here's the thing. Stallone goes to a bar by

himself and gets wasted because he's 64 years old, right? This is what Barney Ross's life is like he gets wasted he's like starts picking on some small guy and he's like hey you are the thumb wrestle and he he says that he lost it in a thumb wrestle which we are

to understand was fair and square. Yes. And now he goes, when he comes back, reneging on his bed, he's like, yeah, but give me that ring back because I'm really stronger. I'm going to fucking kill you. Oh, cool. Our hero, dude. Awesome.

Yes. You'd think there'd be camaraderie with going to like places called tainted smoke and making bets, you know? Yeah, yeah. Well, I think it's all, I think all this and I think a lot of the fight choreography, especially, is heavy duty we're trying to do

John Wick stuff here like having this like little world that you're going to jumbo shrimp I mean the jumbo shrimp joke yeah is just like I was like okay so where's the big guy

where's the big guy and then the big guy comes out and you think it's jumbo shrimp no no no no no it's actually the small guy yeah yeah see that's just comic ingenuity right there I mean here's dude Chris Cabin I got three words

for you man could you imagine Imagine. Incredible. Santa's helper, as he calls him. Santa's helper. They call him bite size. They call him Yoda at some points. Well, that's just Jason Statham taking it for a walk, man. Sylvester Stallone is five, six. Shut up. Yeah, exactly. He's jumbo shrimp.

He's jiz. That is what he is. If I was playing jumbo shrimp, I'd be like, yeah, well, not all else get Apple Carts. So I guess, yeah, no, I'm really short. I guess I'm really short. Is there a, a veiled over-the-top wink here when Statham's like, thumb wrestling? Don't you mean I'm wrestling? Oh, baby. That makes sense.

He's twisting it a little bit, the knife in a little bit with that one. Remember when you made bitter movies? That's why I'm going to get out of this one really quick. Movies now are just expendable entertainment. Well, also, I mean, this is such a shitbird thing. again for our hero of this movie to do right it's like you buy the ticket ride the ride dude you were fucking gambling and you lost and it doesn't matter if you were drunk dude if every drunk person got a refund on gambling

the industry would collapse have some honor no way but then on top of that it's like I'm not even gonna have the guts the fucking intestinal fortitude to go back to the rusty squirrel what's the fucking thing the tainted spoke I'd rather go the rusty squirrel Me too. I think I might have been to the wrestling Squirrel a couple times. But so I'm going to go back there, but I'm going to make my buddy put on the brass knuckles and fight these dudes.

It's not for like, it's not like My employee, by the way. Your employee, yeah. Should be kept in, but like, it's not like you had a wife who died and it's your wedding ring. No. It's the fucking ring you get for drinking a hundred bottles of Jose Cuervo in one year and you send

in all the fucking receipts and you get this back. I know about Quervo points. Thank God. I said it's so much proof of purchase, man. It's so fucking stupid. It drives me and he just beats the shit out of these guys with brass knuckles and they take the ring off the dildo. And it's like, yeah, it's their prerogative to have that ring on a dildo. You know why? Because you fucking lost it, loser. Yeah. And you're a dildo. And you are literally, you were proving the fact that you were a dildo. Also, you're like murdering, I don't know, democratically elected presidents in other countries. go buy a new ring.

You have the money. But yeah, so meanwhile, back in Libya, this is where I was like, oh, this raid is still. Yes. Oh, yeah. And so Eco Owasier, we learned his name is Ramat. And there's some good fights here. They throws a guy out of a window and shit. Yeah.

Some good shit. He has these really cool batons that have been sharpened, like jail shivs, which is basically, I want this actor with those weapons in a better movie. Ray three. Just make Ray three. That's fine. But he fucking totally kills this general's whole family. Right. This is what? I gotta say, you know, this movie's terrible, but it does have some moments where I was like, wow, you really did pull through on that R rating slice. It's like, Ramat brings this dude's dead wife in and he's like, here's your wife.

Now tell me where those detonators are. I'm going to kill your kid. And this general's screaming, he finally gives up the information. He's like, oh, thank you very much. and then this dude shoots this kid in head and I was like ladies and gentlemen this movie has a villain It's nice I mean I like that but then all that stuff stops dead Because we're making fucking

Dolf Lundgren wig jokes Which why I guess this is because he was doing At the time He was Aquaman at the same time Oh okay So I guess he probably needed that hair for Aquaman And they were like

What's with the hair You know whatever gunner Gunner Gunner dude. Gunner, I think is getting catfished on the internet. Is what's going on? Yes, he is, dude. I need a little more of this.

I need to see, like, at one point, there's some downtime, like, maybe on the plane and Gunner's, like, on his phone and, like, Toll Road has to be like, hey, man, you're talking to your fake girlfriend, that's definitely a 55-year-old dude or something, you know? Yeah, she just needs $150 for groceries

today, okay? That would be amazing. Yeah, like, but then that comes back at the like, that guy's also an expendable, baby. Toll Road, catfish, go get him. Yeah, yeah. Bandaris has been secretly doing catfish this whole time. Oh, yes, that's right, Gunner.

I am a fan of the long joke, my friend. Oh, he'd be a great catfish because, you know, you get him on the phone and you're like, yeah, I'm still horny. But I'm not like the disappointing real life catfishes. But yeah, so this is we meet, yeah, we see our, you know, toll road. a returning because Randy Couture comes cheap. Oh yeah baby. He's, you know, he didn't have to

rake the leaves that week, so he was out there expendables for, you know? They just paid him the tolls and the road that he had to drive on to get him. Yes. 50 cent is here. What's his name? Easy day. Easy day. Okay. Yeah, that's stupid. And then there is

of course the son of Antonio Bandaris's Galgo Galan. Is the Galan is the name. You've got to be kidding. Because, I mean, like, he was, obviously, what do you call it there? For anyone who likes this movies, Ben Derris was a big part of why you like part three. If you like those movies.

And either you could afford him or you can't. And if you can't afford him, just ice him like the rest of them. You know what I mean? This should be a lawsuit. This is sort of like when Chris Mc Glover was replaced. Yes. The future, too. Like, you're just trying to do the same thing.

You can't do that. you know what you're probably right but I also I am a little I think maybe because I know he has been going into the DTV and the fucking VOD market a lot lately maybe he couldn't make this one maybe there was one the cash he was starring

in like and he was like oh I'm going to come back to be like a joke for fucking Barney Ross again no thank you oh you're saying he's starting to make secret movies yeah oh he's got plenty of them out there There are a lot of them out there. They're called Dial Destiny. That's one of them.

Well, there was one of the, yeah. I mean, that's the greatness of Bandaris is that he can do those things. He can be the, he can come in for a little spice in something like a dial of destiny, which I don't like. Or even fucking Expendable Street, which I like a lot less. Yeah, sure. But like, well, the other side of that, though, is like, I don't mind this other guy, Jacob Scipio. He also, hilariously, he's the dude who plays. Will Smith's bastard son

and that bad boys for life movie is the son of that literal witch. And yes, and yes, he's British, okay? Of course. I love that. He's just playing sons, you know? And any son you can have him play. Play a son, whatever, dude. But you don't, like,

you tell me, Barney Ross, you tell me that this character is the son of Antonio Banderas' character. I'll believe you. I don't need him to be mimicking Bandaris in this way? And that's what's awful about it because he's just doing

the impression of this character that yeah, like everybody remembers Bandaris from that third movie because it was like the only jolt of electricity at any point in it. Well,

that's the thing is I don't think they wanted to think of a new joke. I think that was really the problem there is that they were just like, oh, we got to create a whole new character.

We're trying to get this fuck out. We've only had 10 years to write this thing. They did like a, you know, search and replace character name and then add a line about it being a son.

They should, you know, if they wanted comic relief, they should have gotten, you know, who's got, who's, who's very funny guy, huge and intimidating carrot top. Okay. I was like, I was going to say, Jeff Dunham. Get him in the puppets. Either of them.

Or Larry, dude. Any of them are ripe to be in this fucking franchise. Why not? Imagine Larry, imagine they fucking Larry just put on 30 pounds of muscle and he's at the expendables and he's just jacked. Dude, that would be, it would rule. His career will go through the fucking roof. Welcome,

welcome my new muscle here. This is chunk. Hi there. Yeah. I can't do the laugh too much because I hurt. Every day I hurt because I turned it all into muscle. You ever crack a guy's back so hard, you fart? Hey, cool.

I'm the latest expendable cake batter. Also, code name Dick Beer. If Larry became expendable, congratulations, he would be the most recent expendable to actually die in a movie. There's no way you can let a Larry the cable guy expendable not die in whatever movie appearance. Just you try. Just you try.

If you get him in here, they're not killing anybody. They're not doing it. So on the conveyor belt of terrible character names, we also have Andy Garcia as Marsh. and poor Andy Garcia two things one they're like you know we're looking after for this mysterious villain

Osolat no one knows what he looks like oh it's Andy Garcia it's it it's immediately like and also Osolot you can't do it because the Metal Gear Solid thing you just can't do it you just can't do it Arden Al Salat's a big villain for Metal Gear Solid and like when you hear

that it's very similar to expendables enough where you're like I just don't do it yeah it's probably not a good thing also I don't appreciate me thinking about Archer this all time. And I'm also wondering, was this like a rewrite where it was supposed to be church, Bruce Willis, who was the CIA handler?

Yes. It was supposed to be. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah. There was also a world in which the main villain was going to be Jack Nicholson. That's what Stallone wanted. Dude, that is Stallone and Pinocchio mode, man. Look out for that growing nose. That guy's full as shit. No way.

We were talking to Jack about it. Jack was very interesting. there's a villain out on an island. He's taken over an empty basketball court and he just sits there every day eating chili dogs. Better movie, man. I would love to see that. Dude, you ask, you ask Nicholson about that right now.

He's like, not a fucking chance. Yeah. No, no, no way. It just, no. Totalize. But Osloat or not, his name is, what, was this Brash or whatever? Marsh.

Marsh is like, his thing is like, Hey, how's your balls? Hey, how are your balls so small? All your balls, you're like genital wards. All this dude is talking about cock and balls the entire movie before he is eradicated. Well, because it's like old man talk. Like, when he's just saying like, how's your balls doing? You're just supposed to like, okay, yeah, buddy.

Thank you so much. But then Barney has to be like, gravity's setting in. They're kind of low these days. How about your balls? How your ball's doing? That's right, dude, because you have to. to be over a certain age before you seriously, like, answer that question, right? Like, you, if I'm walking in, and Uncle Andy Garcia is like, hey, how's your balls?

The response, because I'm not 65 years old is, ha ha, ha, eh. But, like, Stallone's like, oh, babe, my bows are sagacious. Yeah, when you get old enough, kids, uh, what happens is, do you ever see one of those things where there's, those, it's like two balls and they're hitting each other and they fly, you know, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I have that little cradle thing or whatever it is. Oh, yeah, the little like, yes, that's what it is when you walk to the store. Your testicles just smashing into each other.

And they make that noise, too. You got to start wearing underwear in the store. I don't know what to tell you. Oh, I like to have, you know, commando style because I'm watching the expendable. I'm going the other way. I think that even gravity or no old age or no, what this did do did in the 80s, you got no balls left. There's just nothing. It is.

Yeah. It is just a. Yeah, exactly. It is a smooth fucking racetrack down there. Two little pieces of dot candy down there. Exactly. That might. That might explain why. And please, excuse me if I don't under, you know, I'm an awfully stupid person here. But he, he says goodbye by saying keep them tucked. Yes. I'm like, what? What? What does that mean? Hey, great advice, Marsh. No wonder you rank so high in the scene. I can't really do that because I do so much. steroids that they're like nipples now wait are you supposed to do that was I supposed to be tucking them the whole time

I've been just letting them bang that's all you know another another big mistake in this movie especially in this sequence right here you are I don't know if someone was like blindly throwing darts at a board or what but it was like

who is the expendable in this movie that gets the huge exposition dump and the dart landed on the toll road index Christ. And everybody sighed in unison. Well, because everybody else has been used up. Everybody else got their chance. Finally, the last boy at Dodgeball has to play. That's right. And he's, he's talking a blue streak about Ocelot. Barney, 25 years ago was trying to figure out who Ocelot was. But, oh, some people say, oh, it's an urban legend around the old assassin game that Ocelot might be somebody Barney made up to hide a fuck up he made.

thanks toll road thumbs up buddy i mean we all expected this i just just to quickly change subject really quick there is a shot of the plane taking off with barney christmas and i'm telling you the graphics the effects in general in this movie are

horrible even for it's a cheap movie even for this kind of movie it's bad you want to talk about metal gear solid dude jesus christ i swear to god like i was like i am watching a Duke Nukem intro scene when I'm seeing this playing takeoff. I would kill for Duke Nukem to join this cast.

Any minute, man, that is something like with the, you know, we're going to get a lot of shitty, like, Nintendo animated movies and like live action movies are going to suck. Get me a shitty 80s Duke Nukem movie. Yeah, sure. That's all I really need. Get me some squibs going. Michael

Bay, if you're hearing me right now, get in on the game. It's big now. Your lips to Bay's ears, dude. Come on, buddy. So, there the grab ass that's going on again because like now we're trying to introduce this new character of Golan or whatever his name is and like I don't know like yeah

like I would he called there like Antonio Baderer's like kind of funny like but this guy is just like do you know what they golden shower is and I'm like dude what are we talking about? I was so happy when Stallone was like I don't want to listen to this anymore I'm like dude just like we

she squats on you and releases her bladder and it's very liberal It's just like Part of that just feels like The kid at the lunch table in high school Heard about the thing and then has to come in and tell everybody Like the gross sex thing he heard about And then you all like debate about whether or not it's real or whatever

Originally it was a it was a shitting on a glass table And Stallone was like you gotta rewrite that Yeah you can do details all wrong Hey man that's offensive man That is a beautiful act between a man and a woman who is being paid a lot of money. It's a beautiful act between a man,

a woman, and a table. So, well, I mean, what is the fucking mission? The mission is they have to go to the Gaddafi hide out because they need to get these remote detonators because somebody stole a fucking nuke, and if we don't stop the nuke, you know. Blah, blah, blah, blah. You know.

You fucking know. But it's great because, yeah, the new expendables trying to be known and then like the movie's like yeah fucking here's just barney and fucking christmas just hanging out some more i do love when stallone turns off the radio because he doesn't want to hear the fucking p talk he just goes that guy's a world-class pub yeah that had me going oh man so yes we remot gets this call oh this is where remot kills this general

yeah that is why because he's got to get the codes to a safe that has the detonators in them or whatever and as you know this is going on this fucking donkey cong country plane is flying in here and all these dudes start shooting at the expendables plane and you are fucking crossing your fingers

open for some action to take place no no no they of course do it fine they get down they get their tiny cars out the tiny cars roll out in fashion as soon as they land once the tiny cars are dumping out the back of this plane now with all the bad CGI it looks like I'm watching Lego expendables.

Oh man, I wish. That takes ingenuity to make a movie like that. Whereas something like this, you're just watching like, please end now. And so interesting bit of messaging they have in this movie. Another thing on top of him wearing this wig for the lady that's catfishing him.

Gunner has also been given shit because he has stopped drinking 15 months ago. and this is where we see he's like sober now and he's fucking up the sniper shots right here like he's supposed to shoot remot right here and like expendables four would be over

and he hits the door instead and it blows their cover and yada yada but by the end of the movie he drinks alcohol again like he's Popeye and he's like it's good to be back and I know he can everyone now it's crazy it is so amazing

and that's another this is who it's written for it's just like Yeah, I didn't make any mistake in my life. I'm watching expendables for. Well, that's right. You know what? The court was wrong and you were right, Barney Stallone. Exactly.

It's such a filthy, degenerate movie. Yeah. But it doesn't act that way. And like, it's not directed that way. And you wish it was. It's trying to have that sheen of being a real movie and you're not. Just embrace what you are. Trash.

These are gross human beings doing shitty things constantly. That is what you are. filming and like you act like it's these heroes still even though they're fucking terrible and I'm like no just have fun with it please which would be great if they were just dying in droves you're like oh that got the golden shower

guy just got shot in the back of the head oh well you know what I mean like yeah that's kind of exciting and fun that's a movie it's hilarious if it happened while he's explaining what a golden shower is like he's like and then the lady leans over you and just as she's

about to evacuate her and then like an anti-aircraft gun rips through the fuselage and kills this guy. And you cut to Barney's like, I don't usually thank the villain, but I got to give him some roses for that one. Now listen, let me tell you something that's

really beautiful between a man and a woman. You get a woman who's about 5-6, 5-7, has to be no taller than 5-8. You get a table, it's about three feet tall, about an inch and a half. No plexiglass. It's got to be glass. You got to hear the tink. You got

to put, you put a dime on it. It's got to go tink, tink, tink. I bet if you go through all of his, like, family photos, you can see one table in the background of all of them somewhere. Oh, absolutely. That's, that's it. That's my beauty. Oh, no, he has a shitting table. There's no, he's not using, he's not using the

same one to tab guests over. You think he's, but I'm just saying, like, he's having a nice little family photo. I'm just, uh, rearrange the background a little bit, drags in the shitting table. Just for him. Just for him to see it. Yes.

Yes. Yes. You'll see these videos of like, oh, Stallone's got everybody over. Like, Pacino will be over there for some reason. Like, you've seen that video. Sigh, is that, is that, that, I'm not sitting on that ladder, by. That's not, there's a, I know what that is. Over on that table, some hooker took a great big shit. She had a great ass.

And she was shitting all over that table. He's just looking over it trying to find a smudge. He's like, no, no, it's, yeah, now it's been cleaned. Yeah, Al, rookie move coming over to Sly's and not eating beforehand. I always have a big meal before a sly party because I'm paranoid about eating food off his tables. I just get to paper plate and hover. Yeah, I'm fun. The bonus is since I've eaten at home already, I have a shit ready to go in case we do something together, you know.

you never know what's going to happen it's a sly party man you never know what's going to happen when you cast 50 cent in a movie such as great line deliveries like now that's what I'm talking about gunner

fucking hell theoretically 50 cent is the get theoretically you know what I mean like that is like oh wow here he is and he does nothing in this range Isn't the, I mean, I guess, isn't the, Megan Fox? No, no, no. The Gitt is that Sylvester Stallone is still a lie.

Okay, got it. I think that's it. Because 50 Cent isn't a Gid. I know he's not a get. He's done a array of secret movies. He has done that. Presumably, if I'm driving around my F-150 buying snake flags, I know who he is because of the red box machine at Walmart.

That's the guy that was in all three of them escape plans. movies. I fucking love those escape plan movies slides. See, Chris? I think Stallone did more movies than Oliver Hardy did with Stan Laurel. I think that they are they are a team. They are a team now. So that's even less of a good.

You just, that you're just repairing with your partner. Well, Curtis, this is a fine mess. You've got this to these time. But, but you know, Chris at a certain point it's like peanut butter and Shelley. This is a nice little, I'm used to it. I enjoy it. I want

50-sentence to loan because I'm buying snake flags today. I much prefer the Chan and Tucker relationship and I'm not surprised when Chan can land Tucker. Yeah. You know what I saw the other day speaking of Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan that I think

might be one of the saddest things anybody wasted their time on on the internet. A fan-made poster as if trying to get people to think a rush hour four was coming out. Can you just imagine sitting down one day and making a fake rush hour four poster?

I mean, of all the accursed properties, like, I mean, rush hour is deep, like deep evil, but like, it's not quite on the usual suspects level. Isn't Roman Polansky in one of them? Roman Polansky's in the third one. Brett Ratner oversaw all of them.

So, whatever, we have a big fucking stupid action scene here because Gunner fucked it up and now they're on to them and we're having a big chase and, I mean, there's some stuff here that's kind of funny. I do like 50 cent picking up a dude and slamming him back and forth like a superhero. Well, that's what's kind of cool. I'm like, oh, you kind of set him up like he's the super strong guy. I'm like, let's do that then. And he does nothing else. Nothing. Literally nothing. That's it. Until like later when he's just like, we got to get out of here because Toll Road got shot.

Yep. He is the most animated when he's fearing for Toll Road's life. The third act of the movie is everyone being like Oh my God, Toll Road Oh, Toll Road! I don't know what I would do If Toll Road were gone All my toll roads are closed

I just remember me and Toll Road I can't even say it I just remember we were talking And he brought up his contusion yet again And I told him Could you stop talking about that And he just started telling the story all over again. I think it's all he could say.

You know, I wasn't going to be in this movie and then I heard that Toll Road wasn't going to make it and I was so moved. I was like, no, I will be a pallbearer at Tall Road's funeral. Yeah, and then I solemnly lay an easy pass onto his casket.

Now you are driving straight through and not stopping on your way to heaven. He is, he has $59 to pay. The tolls on me, big guy. I left $15 worth of quarters on tow roads, gray.

On his eyes for the, for the both men. Oh, oopsie. I put the coins in his eyes. They are bleeding now. Halfway through, I thought he was a slot machine, so I really let those eyes have it. Get in there. Get in there.

But, you know, all this stuff is happening. something something Barney's still flying around and this is when Barney and I mean like did anyone did anyone fucking fall for this I mean it yes really really dumb people

you would have to be the stupidest person on earth because when he when this is when Stallone dies in the movie yes oh man I can't believe the Red Box machine killed Barney Stallone

but you know what I give the movie credit for deciding for the ending to bring it back of 10 minutes later. That's fair. Yeah. Yeah, why not? But even just, you know what, dude? Because Stallone in all of his interviews, like, this is my last appearance is Barney, and that's what it's

going to be. And I want to turn it over to my very good friend, Jason Statham, because he's the only one that is so differential to me that I will allow him to be a friend. And like, that's cool. But then you die in the movie. And then it's, you know, at the end, he's like, oh, you know, Bonnie, I miss you. Wish you with us. But, you know, you're with us in spirit bail. I mean, would you have exactly the same scene where like the lady who sees Jethro Toll 27 times a year

say, we miss your party? Dude, that lady, that regular at the expendables bar who is not an expendable, that lady's got a rough road and you know what? Just don't even talk about. Yes, yes. Yeah, no, it's like, like someone at the bar like goes to make fun of that lady

and like Toll Road's like, hey man, you shut the fuck up about Sally. of hard life. All expendables joking around stops. I will. Our barmaid Sally. I will say I do appreciate

this little corpse, this little like fried body that we get here with the parade perfectly I was hooting and hollering in the theater. That is a joke for a Tales from the Crypt episode. Yeah, I thought it was very funny. And where in

Barney's living will is it say you could lop my hand off and fucking stuff it at the bar like I'm a goddamn dog. Like, I am the dog that die. You know what? Anybody else, I think it wouldn't be there. Barney Ross, I think it might be there.

You can cut up my body to decorate my bar. Absolutely. I think that's there. Cut up my body to decorate the bar. Put some new orifices in me. You can do what you are. I'll be busy in the kingdom of heaven. now you'll be in the League of Skeletons

I'm just laying under a glass table saying hey St. Peter Hey St. Peter Did you happen to have Taco Bell for lunch? Okay, League of Skeletons. Oh, wow. I became a skeleton. I don't got skeleton voice.

I got stupid meat voice still. But he is dead. Yeah, he is dead. and everyone's like, oh, my God. Everyone is pissed at Statham because the whole thing was, Barney was like, go and get Ramat and Statham refuses because he wants to save Stallone.

Yes. And then somebody's like, hey, cool, who's on Ramat? And the dude gets away. Mission failure. And this is what's great is what's his face. I think at some point, 50 Cent is like, it was his sacrifice to make. And then you made it worthless.

And I'm like, I don't know about that. that's a lot to say I don't know I just I just met you easy day so back off like easy day

is he in on it at this point no no no one no one I don't think anyone's in on it not even no I don't think so

but it is funny that Dolf Lundgren like a baby is just like he was never worthless he never did anything oh that's right

yes yep you know I got to tell you what I find funny is Dolph Lundgren yelling at dudes shorter to him while he is wearing a bolotie. He is dressed like fucking David Byrne and true stories in the scene

for some reason. No, it is it is the, it's the thing when you're 16 and you have not been to a funeral yet and then someone dies and your parents don't have enough money for funeral clothes. They're like, I don't know, what do you got in the closet? Then you wear a fucking bolo tie to your best friend's

yeah. Western shirt and black jeans close enough. Get in the car. well i uh bought these for line dancing i guess i do for the funeral of my best friend line dancing's kind of like going to worship the dead yeah i'm starting to have an achy breaky heart at this funeral dude speaking of achy breaky heart and other popular tunes i you know maybe some people barney ross included here would find it funny i think it's a bit poor form to have your band play and don't fear the reaper yeah at your fucking funeral reception I just think it's poor form.

All right. You know what? We've heard some things from the audience. We're going to switch it up. All the people who died, dad, dad. Well, if that's the expendables, dude, the song's two minutes long.

Because there ain't any dead. They never die. The expendables, they're never expended. At this moment, though, we do believe that finally the first expendable has been perished. That's true. Because I don't think, like, who ate shit? Liam Hemsworth, I don't think that dude actually

got a certificate in the man. No, he wasn't still in the training program. He was not official. No, he didn't. He wasn't patched in. He was here for college credit. Here's another thing about this whole setup. If this happens and yeah, okay, I have a clause in my last will and testament that, yes, you can cut my arm off and put it in the bar. Fine.

But you know what? There has to be a stipulation under that that says, that hand cannot be giving the fucking finger. Oh, we love giving the fucking finger. And also, like, how is this thing being preserved? It's still as, like, it's not a skeleton hand. It's got, like, meat on it.

Like, it smells, it stinks. It's dirty. It's totally smells. It needs to be in a glass little, like, you know, like, you know what the beast had in the beauty of the beast with the rose was in? Yeah, it needs to be in that. You'll get there. After the bar, you know, you're,

you're drinking late at night. There's, they're out of peon. nuts, so you pass around the hand. You'd get a little munch. Well, no, that's what you're serving fucking Frito pie and is next to this dead man's hand. They're shutting you down, dude.

And he's finally it. I don't want to, I don't want to burn on this funeral here, but is that the arm or is that the hot dog bar? No, yeah, they should have it in the whatever Elliot Driesen had, the fucking skeleton arm in, the Terminator Army.

Yes, exactly. Put it in that thing because it should be preserved like that. It's a historical piece. This would more cheap live. Ooh, what a dark timeline that would be. I got to say, though,

that is not half as unbelievable to me as the talk of like, well, you know what? Barney Ross, that guy who like killed everybody and like used a, we'll find out later, used a man to fake his own death, jumbo shrimp.

that guy has a seat reserved upstairs with the greats he's upstairs with fucking Jimmy Hendricks and the angels and I'm like stop talking right now he is in hell with all of the like with the worst monsters like him and Oliver North are fucking kicking back and having a fucking day of it he hasn't missed a fucking bazooka and oops

oh no that's a wedding my mistake but like for them to constantly talk about like oh yeah we fucking like we we breathe death but who cares if we die we're going to save the world and then to be like oh but he's gonna get up into heaven with all the angels and god okay so yeah okay so the twist jumbo shrimp at the end of the movie they his flashback where he murders here yes and then places his body in this we're not murder excuse me he doesn't murder right he ties him to this plane say thing alive while the plane is crash. Batman begins logic. Yes. No, he didn't he didn't kill him. He just arranged his murder or his death. His accidental death of

being in this plane at the right. But then you're criticizing his height and his stature the entire time and then you're passing off his tiny skeleton as yours. That's what you get for trying to change the Rams game at the bar. I was watching the Rams game when you wanted to change it over to the Bears game. Now you're going to die in Iraq or wherever. He killed him for no reason. It was so dishonorable. It's so dishonorable. He lost a bet to this guy and then he murders

him. Dude, so jumbo shrimps you know, floating up to heaven and he gets to the doors there and St. Peter's like, so what brings you to us this fine day? And he's like, well, St. Peter, you're never going to believe what happened. Three days ago, I

beat a man in a thumb wrestling contest and won a ring from him fair and square and St. Peter's like Yep, got it so far and he goes And then to exact revenge This man tied me to a plane And downed it in the middle of Libya And killed me instant

Road seems like Overkilled me. Oh, there he is right over there Oh, he's one of the expendables He's living in our expendable wing in heaven That's a Christ like death You know suffering for no reason at the hands of an Italian Yes, absolutely I mean, honestly, the nice thing to do

would have been to kill him before the fucking fiery death. Yes. Christmas at this point is fired because he, yada, yada, yada. He didn't let Barney have an admirable death. And that's what caused EcoA's to get out. Now the expendables are on the hook because that's what Marsh says.

And, uh-oh, who's in charge, Megan Fox? Who would have guessed it? So this guy goes home and like, again, like, we just did the escape plan where he was like, anytime you're like international assassin, there's like, you've got a go bag with hundreds of thousands of dollars. And like all these different passports, et cetera. That's the point of killing people professionally. It's like, well, I guess I can't do that anymore. Well, I'll, I guess he'll be a bodyguard.

Like, oh my God, what a grim life. Yeah. What a grim life. You know, it's kind of funny. I just realized this is the exact same career trajectory. as Liam Neeson in that first taken movie? Yeah, right. He's like, oh, I don't want to be a part of the life

anymore. Guess I'll be a security guard for this pop singer. The critique back then was, oh, these pop singers. And now it's social media influencer, for us. Twitch, the live streamers, Eric. Well, I mean, guys, this dude sucks. Well, yeah.

Sorry to tell you. Most of them do. We're not protecting the live streamers. The live streamers should be skewered. Well, okay, Chris, because it kind of sounded like you were like, and now they're coming after the live stream. That definitely sounds like something I'd say. And I said nothing.

And then they came for the podcast. This guy, isn't this not based on a real dude? They're all like this. Yeah, the fat fluencer. Yeah, of course. Well, no, there's this. I guess it's one like Andrew Tate-esque or something. No, he's

not. There's a guy. There was a story about this guy. I read it a couple years ago. I don't remember if it was like rolling Stone or whatever. A heavy set sex guy? It's just this like this fucking scumbag fat dude that was super rich and live streamed like his

crazy sexy parties that he would have or whatever and like this article was like hey these things are fucking horrible and look what's going on at this party that's not being live streamed. It was something like that because the second I saw this character I was like ooh I thought back to that article instantly

I was like did someone else read that same thing like that sounds like like a Jake Paul type of situation and like that's it's not a person who's physically fit I'm telling that's that's that's that's the that's the thing is like I can't think of one that isn't like maybe like the guys who game are like bigger fellows but I can't think of a guy who just live streams that's like a big guy comment below with fat sexists please yes we'll sort this I do kind of want to know because the guy doesn't really even have it like you would think they'd be like uh real estate gigs or like dating

advice or gaming, you would think one of these things would have been picked. But the thing that the fat fluencer does is he's like, oh, look at all these women in bikinis. They're fucking disgusting. I wish he called the women. Yeah. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm changing his

language, sorry. Oh, I have some respect for the ladies. Yeah. What is it? Oh, hey, by the way, why don't you hold my side in the background, you muscle-bound clawed? And I'm like, I don't know, dude. Like, have you looked at this guy? Yeah. Well, that's the fucking hubris you get, dude, when you're these, like, internet influencer people and like everyone's telling you your fucking shit don't stank. Yeah. You are going to ignorantly talk shit to a dude like Statham that can easily decimate you, which is what Statham does with this dude's own cellular telephone. And it's kind of awesome. And the funniest part is the chat of the live stream of all these people being like talking about Jason Statham. Oh, he's hot. Don't fuck with him.

Someone else commented sexy mofo And then Someone else said God damn he's hot Yeah I'm glad he beat up the guy I was watching

That's so hot I mean I guess that every time You sign up for a we hate movies Live stream One is going to happen on February the first for Flash The Flash movie You want some like hot dude

To come in and beat the shit Yeah totally It might happen at moment.com slash we hate movies. That's right, because it's not impossible. I'm not saying it's going to happen by any stretch. But I'm just saying that in the world, you know, the realm of possibilities and the multiverse,

it's not impossible that during our Flash live show, Glenn Powell is going to break into my home studio and punch me in the face. I'm going to nip this in the bud right here. Andrew, do not do when we're doing the show, don't do it from your pool. Okay, good idea. I know you have the huge pool back there. And there's all the women are over there hanging out and having fun and everything. Just do not do it from there.

Go to an office. So don't yell at the bikini-clad women in my home during the live stream. Just don't do that. We'll be fine. Or my, you know, mouth off to my security detail, which I do have. Yeah, that might be an issue, though, because they are a little. They like to look. They like to stare you in the eyes.

Oh, yes. You know, Statham takes that sign this dude gives them and like whips it across the room, really hard and fast and everybody's like very impressed with it but like I need to see that thing get like stuck in a coat of armor. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah or a cake or something. Oh yeah dude really just like ninja stars it right into a cake

because like he flicks it and there's like kind of a noise but it's off screen like that's kind of just like a sitcom joke yeah. You know like show me it's hitting maybe it goes to that guy's TV I don't know something. Yeah and then I mean this that's I mean the whole joke is like oh, this guy mouse off, then Christmas beats the shit out of him. And then he immediately

goes back to be an expendable by breaking into Megan Fox's house. Right, because he had given her a knife or he gives her a knife now. Is that what's happening? He breaks into her house to find Intel on whatever the next mission is. And then she's like, I can't believe this. And they have like a sexy fight

sex thing. I cannot, I mean, like literally I would have lost I would have lost even more money on this show this week. I would have thought I would have bet anything that she was in one of these movies before. I was so... When I was watching this, I'm like, oh, they're doing their sex fight thing again. Like, I've seen these movies

before. Well, she does this and what? God damn. What the fuck is that Transformers? Jota Hacks or something? Yeah. Oh, there is sex fighting in Jonah Hicks, I think. I mean, I just think all these things are trying to do Haywire and Haywire just did it a hundred times better.

Yeah. But this, I'm like, you just know that on the board, like, I don't even know if there was a board for this writing, who knows? But And, like, they saw, this scene of her being like, uh, uh, uh, no kissy, kissy, first you eat my pussy, but they, they wrote feminism two underlines on that one. They were like, this is how we get them. This is the, this is the wife crowd we're going to get there. I mean, hey man, it was a pretty solid move on her part.

It is very nice. Yeah. Get, get going, dude. Get, get on down there. You know what I mean? that's the problem Christmas, I don't know, is it, you wouldn't say Santa Claus is coming to town Oh, you'd say, I don't know, what would it be? He's gonna get up your chimney. It's time for my milk and cookies.

Yeah, there's that. I like that, yeah. Yeah, I would get, that is the best one for sure. I think, because that, I heard that was what it was supposed to be. This was supposed to be a Lee Christmas, Christmas action movie. Which would be so much better than expendable. A good idea. A very good idea.

get to the boat, we have it for like 15, 20 minutes. Yes. Those 15, 20 minutes are kind of the best part of the way because that's another thing that's interesting when we get to the boat, which is pretty soon, I promise, but the expendables are all locked in a room for a good chunk of the second act of this movie. You can hear the elevator music. It kind of reminds you how much better it is to have an action movie about a guy versus a bunch of people. Exactly, especially when none of them, when all of them are invincible.

It's like, oh, that's super boring. It's more, it is much more interesting just to watch Statham cut through these people. Just one invincible person, okay? Yes. So she's like, okay, look, here's the deal. Yes, the mission is we are going to look for Rwatt, like the dude that killed Barney and everything. Also, Barney was in the secret ton team. Dude.

Now upon his death, these documents have been revealed. And it's like, this is a, we think that this guy might be able to lead us to who Aeselot is. That's right, man. Felfish Bananza. I mean, like this is just an assa lot of nothing right here. You got to, if I was fucking Megan Fox, I would be so, he would be out of my bed immediately because we just fucked.

And I am just trying to enjoy my post-coital bliss here. And he's like, oh, Bonnie wouldn't have liked this. No, he wouldn't have liked it at all. and he just starts to talk about Barney all over again. That's his true, right, right after he came in me. Like, I would be losing it. I'd be like, get the fuck out of here. Right, yeah, it's still pouring out.

Yeah, she's talking about Barney. Barney Ross, and I love him so much, and he's definitely dead. So some of the pillow talk is about this aforementioned big expendables knife that he gives her. And he's like, oh, yeah, here's this knife. which is something to remember me, boy. Don't mind it beeping, all right? Knives beep all the time. Listen, if you hear this knife beeping,

it's mean it's better he's running. The knife doesn't beep, all right? Also, don't get it wet. You'll ruin the knife. Don't get the knife wet, is all I'm saying. Don't get it wet, because then a bunch of little knives are going to pop off it. But, yes, you are told immediately

that this knife has a tracker in it and it's Christmas looking at the screen and he's going to follow them on the mission here. We're in the fucking plane. We meet Levi-Tron as Lash. Dude, she literally, you want to talk about

getting the short straw in the expendables universe. She's, I mean, she's a cool action person that seems like she's doing like cool. She's a woman that knows how to do stunts or whatever. I've never seen her do anything before. but she was in the first purge apparently she's got like a whip thing that's why her name is lash that's kind of cool she uses it like for half a second but her thing well toll road might need a girlfriend

toll road may need a girlfriend by the end of this one folks boy that's a toll you don't want to pay that is there a mrs toll road we don't even seal that deal though dude like the end of this movie they straight up hug one another yeah yeah no thank you come on Would you like to meet my wife, Toll House? Because she's, I guess, cookies all day. He hits on her and she's like, oh, Toll Road and she like puts her pinky out. Like that's what, how big your little cock is. And he's like, no, try twice that at least.

Dude. Awesome. Because just like how, just like how like a whale needs to come up for air every now and again. If you are not making a fucking dick size joke, a sperm whale comes up for air. 10 minutes in this expendables franchise like it will suffocate and I mean nothing is worse than making this woman have to

like be like just salivating at the idea of watching him piss like she cannot wait to see him and apparently it's like oh this is a Navy thing if it gets wet this panel will come off or whatever pop right off so somebody has to

piss on it so toll road has got this fucking stinking bladder of piss right? Yeah, I mean, you've jumped so far ahead of the movie to talk about this dude pissing on the floor. Yes, you have. I'm sorry. Because this movie is DeiSX piss, okay? I just wait for the piss scenes, dude. Well, it's like they go to this fucking, we're told they're in like the South China Sea at a CIA black site. Oh, right, they gotta get captured first by that. Yeah, exactly. And so they meet up, this is Andy Garcia and other lady? What is this character? I thought there was. is Ashley Judd and I was really upset for a second. I was happy. I was really happy when I went online that it was not Ashley Joe. No, no. This is Agent Boss lady. Rousseau.

Rousseau, right, because they couldn't get Renee. Oh. This is Lucy Newman Williams who is in this movie. Five episodes of the Jack Ryan TV show. I guess that's the connection.

Yeah, probably. Or maybe at an industrial short for Raytheon. on she was in. Maybe that's the connection. That could be. Oh, and Steve's favorite movie Escape Room Tournament of Champions. Oh, nice. Among other things, but yeah. Better movie than this, I'll be honest with you. You just kind of keep waiting for this lady to be a character because there's so much camera time with this movie. Sure. Well, because he, like, now Andy Garcia is like, and because you guys screwed up last time with your little balls and your balls going left and right. Now I will join the club.

By the way, I'm totally not the villain named Acelot. Don't worry, but don't start doing movie math 70 minutes in and being like, well, we haven't seen anyone who could be Aeselon. It's got to be me. Don't do that. Don't do that. Just watch the movie.

So, yes, while they are getting the like, you're going to get a babysitter in this movie. Statham makes his way to Thailand. and he's looking for Doctor and this is where we meet Tony Jha is this Dacha character and this is again this is like an interesting ass like Tony Jha is kind of like a John Wick

dude like he's like I've left that life behind I'm afraid if I let that guy out I'm not going to get to put him back in again kind of all this shit and I'm like yeah this guy and Statham is the movie like this fucking Lee Christmas movie probably would have been something

if you have the Tony Jock But also the Tony John thing is like, yeah, you know, I've done so much. Like every time you kill somebody, you become less than a human being and like all that stuff. And it's taken me so much to get rid of this guy. Oh, my God, Barney is dead. Well, I guess I'll just throw all of my fucking, all of my personal growth to the side to avenge some asshole that I do. That's right. Barney.

Yep. And then at the end, when he kills like 40 people in this movie, and then Barney's, He's like, yeah, man, that was a big twist. I gave up my soul for you, asshole. But like, but like also for that to be, like, I know, yeah, that to be the thing is weird. But also, Barney Ross, soldier of fortune dying in duty. How rare is that? Exactly.

Why do I? How weird is that? Why does that need to be avenged even at all? Didn't you expect that that was how he was going to die? Yeah, it's in the fucking job. Exactly. What the fuck? And also, Tony Josh should have been.

been going to the boat with Christmas just like the will they won't they of this and then of course he will he will show up on the boat too yeah their little boat is going up against this usual suspect's big tugboat thing that we're on at the end. It's the usual suspects thing

there is a fucking we'll get to it but Jesus Christ that movie has piss in it too it does I think I think Piss should have an IMDB page so I know which movies it's it. Oh actually no now I remember the other thing you're talking about, Chris,

it's later when Toll Road goes a fucking guy, you motherfucker a guy. Yeah, but so they're going, they're like following behind. And yeah, he, Tony John gives the speech about like, you know, he's never going back to that life, but he can, he'll get, he can go as far as the boat. So Statham gets on the boat.

Meanwhile, the expendables, much like the last movie where the, you know, Mel Gibson, when Barty Ross was like, I'm going to, take my own team and blah, blah, blah, and they get captured immediately. That happens exactly here. Yes. Yep.

I've seen this movie before. And instead of doing it in a building, like last time, it's on a boat. There you go. We're making some jumps here. Spendables on a boat. That third movie, it's a male's thing.

It was like, it's like an old hospital or a casino or something. Yeah. This is a boat. Very clearly, in the next one, what they got to do is get one of those five-tier airplanes and just do a fight on each level. Yes.

The spruce moves. I don't think we're going to be lucky enough to get another one of these. This tank. And obviously right now, Stallone is not in most of this movie because, hey, Tulsa King's filming up the street. So is that what did it in for him being in the movie? I have no idea, but I'm just guess. Yeah.

This is also like, I don't know, expendables. I thought you all were supposed to be like the best in the business. They jump onto this boat and they're like, huh, no one's here. What's going on? on. And like, at no point is anyone like, well, they've got to be somewhere. They're just like, their reaction is more like, ghost

shit. Yes. There's such a Mickey Mouse team. It's pathetic. No. Sad. But yeah, so they do get caught like immediately because yeah, they turn a corner and yep, there's where the dudes are all hiding. Yes, they say, here's all the machine

ghost ship. It's a ghost ship. There's a guy like right under the computer next to you with a gun and you don't notice this. It's awful. I mean, oh, also, just because you got to point out, whenever you guys have these point them out, like, when you think you've hit the lowest of the low with the CGI, and it is, for me, one of them could be right here. This big establishing shot of this boat looks straight out of like a GameCube game. Yes. It's truly terrible animation right here, awful stuff. So Statham gets on board and he

there's this guy who, it's kind of a diehard moment. Like, he gets caught and he's like, oh, hey, guy, we're supposed to be doing stuff. Oh, yeah. Oh, Colin, what are you doing here? He's like, oh, okay, so I guess we are working together. And then fucking Statham just fucking puts a knife in his throat. Yeah. Yeah, nice. I, you know what? I could take a lot of deaths. I could to be fooled like that ripe into my own death, I'd be like,

oh, you know what, I deserve this. Oh, yeah. You know what? This is on me. This is my fuck up. You know what? You should have stabbed me in the throat. You're right. Yeah, let my soul rot in the nether space forever. I deserve neither heaven nor hell. Could have just, I died so stupidly. Could have blasted your brains all over the ship container and ruled the day,

but nope, just got a knife in my throat. And around here is when, uh, Mott gets on the phone with Rousseau and tells her that he is willing to do a prisoner exchange. We've got Marsh, which is Andy Garcia, and it's like, oh yeah, if you give us this other dude who was like our brother in arms or whatever, I'll give you back Marsh and we can all get on with our day. So that sort of like gets sort of set in motion. Also around here is when Lee Christmas sees, oh, that clever son of a bitch. You sneaky little sausage. Oh, yeah. We're modifying the ship to have all sorts of American flags and, you know, all over the place.

And they're singing the fucking national anthem because this plan is blow up a bunch of shit in Russian waters. Exactly. And because you, the audience, are the dumbest people ever. Let's pan up to show that there's a Russian satellite that might see this. But he's shot where he literally locks eyes with a satellite. He squints to look at it. He's like, is that? Yeah, that's right.

You're filming off the shores of Miami. You have to do something. I love that. I love, but also like the idea that, oh, man, they're going to frame America by putting American flags on this boat that is going to have a nuclear weapon explode on it. The flags don't matter any. You know what I mean?

Like where? Who is finding the evidence of this cloth flag after a nuclear bomb? mom goes off. You're right, Steve, because the funny thing is I was about to make the argument like, well, Steve, there's like video footage or whatever but they're doing this mission in the middle of the night. Yes. So like you probably wouldn't be able to film any of the

fucking flags anyway, so nobody would have any idea what's going on. Fake wooden planes to look like an aircraft carrier. This is like a plot that the fucking little rascals would be a part of it. Maybe some we're going to make an American battleship. Maybe some charged F-22s or something. show up in the wreckage or whatever

but you're put you made about a fucking wood yeah not so sneaky little sausage no ask me no it's bad sausage so he's like trying to find the rest of the expendables this is when the expendables

are figuring out how to escape their room which is got to piss on it dude got to piss on it just mark your territory that's how you win any battle is just marking your territory so tow road of course whips out his huge hog and pisses all over this thing. And Lash

is like crawling past people to see it. Like trying to get people behind her so that she can get a gander at this dick. And they won't let her and she's really pissed. But it does work. The thing pops right off. It does. And then Antonio Benderas, his son runs right in and it's like I think he really does like golden showers. Oh, we should say this character who is

total garbage, Golan or whatever his name is, has been silent for the last 20 minutes. That's right. Because he, refused to speak after Barney died. He loved Barney so much. Who on earth could give a shit? Like no one you don't even notice it but they have to

tell you that he's not talking because no one wants him to talk to begin with. Honestly Steve don't look at gift horse in the mouth exactly. This guy was shut the fuck up. I forgot he was even in the movie. It was exquisite and then yes it's like yes let's run through piss

and second to being fooled by the diehard scan by this son of a bitchly Christmas would be me watching Lee Christmas beat the shit out of somebody while he puts a machete in my skull. That's kind of funny because they are watching the video of him beat the shit

out of the influencer and the guy says oh man I'd really like to meet that guy somebody and then that very guy stabs him in the river. Again, another dude whose soul is rotting in the nether spaces because you died really stupid. Oh man, that's limbo. You don't get to go anywhere for that one. You're stuck there.

I do like when Christmas and Dacca run into the room here, like they've just missed them escaped through the piss tunnel. And Lee Christmas, like Wolverine himself is just like you smell piss.

Yeah, Tony Jha has to be like, yes, Lee Christmas, I do smell piss. That smells yeah, that's Toll Road. And now, wait a minute. He didn't have. have anything for breakfast. Oh, though two nights ago.

Yes, asparagus, two nights ago. Still warm. Yeah, so, like, they, it's one of these, like, oh, are they ever going to find them? And you think, I don't know, I guess I sort of made the assumption, like, they would be cold on the trail for more of the movie.

They literally, like, turn a corner and find them in two seconds. Yeah, everybody's like, meets back up and you're like, all right. And they're like, all right, we're going to have to work together. We're all going to be a big Expendables team. And I watched two movies yesterday. Not back to back. Yes. I watched two movies yesterday.

And one was this movie, The Expendables Four. I watched this in the afternoon. And then at night, you know, we went out to dinner and my wife and I wanted to watch a good movie. So we watched Anatomy of a Fall. Of course. I can't believe. I cannot believe this worked out. Are you fucking kidding?

I'm literally not kidding you. 50 cents pimp prominently. exuded in both films. I'm not kidding. That's incredible. That's so good. And, you know, you wouldn't think of it, but even Anatomy of Fall, better action movie than this. Truly. That's actually true. Yeah. Wow. There is something about, man,

50 cent, you're in this movie. Exactly. That sucks. That's the thing. No, I, you know what? A tip of tip of the cap to him because he did what Mark Wahlberg wants to do all the time. Yeah. It's just go push the self-promotion into, like, truly, like, degenerate behavior. Like, to be like, use my song that's fucking, like, so fucking, it's not even a new song. It's not even a new 50-send song.

It's amazing because in Anatomy of Fall, the point of that song is it's so fucking annoying. Yes. But that it makes you believe that she might have killed her husband. And you're on your, you're on, you're on, you're on 10th and he's like, well, he did play that song quite a bit. You know what I mean? He deserved it either way. Oh, yeah, absolutely. 100%.

I can't believe that you watch both of those movies. I was stunned when it started to play. I was like, that's not true. What a great year for movies. It was actually a pretty good year for movies. I think Anatomy of the Falls is using like an instrumental remix, but it stands. It still stands.

That is like, I mean, what are the odds? Think about all the movies you're going to watch this. I can't believe this. I mean, I do think, I thought it was very well used in Anatomy of the Fall. I, who cares? In this, it's just kind of like a diversion. I thought it was, you know, I didn't like it's used in Killers of the Flower Moon. No, yeah, that was a little.

I thought that was a little bad. Like Jack White, I thought he was a good actor in that scene, but I thought it was a little tasteless to have that riding over it. Oh, my God. I was just looking because someone said something about filming in Miami, and I was looking at this. And they shot this in London. Oh, wow. I would have been out against Bulgaria. Bulgaria is the other part.

That's awesome. So, yeah, that 50 cent song is used on a forklift with a corpse as a distraction. Yeah. And it works. It works very well. There is a great, the distraction, of course, is an explosion. Which, or no, all right, who says this? Because it's just a great, and by great, I mean, poorly delivered line of, oh, shit.

bomb I don't know could be any of them this is around where they find the big opi-esque nuke that's in the boat and this is like you forget I guess that like

Toll Road is the explosives guy because all of a sudden like I mean honestly this this movie this is Toll Road's time to shine he pissed on that door and now he's the guy who's like looking at the bomb and he's like there's all these fail saves

and the only way we can turn this off is if you have you know the the kill switch and he says very importantly this kill switch the nature of it is such that like it's a distance thing the person still has to be on the boat with it yes I my favorite line in this whole movie

is it is in the piss scene when he's about to take the piss and he turns around and says you know privacy can you can you please turn around so I can perform this miracle for you and it's great because you've got 12 dudes with HGH round it through their blood

and they're all totally indistinguishable of each other and I guess even this one dude like he's like kind of a heavy I looked up as just a stunt man Oh is this the guy who's remots number two Yeah he like stabs he stabs Toler the road a couple times Yeah and this is when Lash and

Who's the other guy that joins up to is it It's Lash and somebody else Tony Jaws character Yes, they dispatch of him. It's a pretty good, like this again, because it's like nobody who's been in Expendables movies before. I'm watching like in this fight. And I'm like, hey, these two are great at fight choreography.

Excellent. And then this dude gets kicked off a ledge and cracks his head open and it pops like a grape. And it's great. Yeah. It is great because it's a great like the shot like you see the hole and you watch them fall down the hole. And then you watch the blood. It's kind of great. Yes.

Yeah. It works out really nicely. And then the next two hours are figuring out if he actually did do that or if not. And then there's a dog that's heavily involved. And because they're in international waters, they have to be tried by the UN, which is in French. Yeah, everybody talking about this fucking R.D.J. winning this awards.

Give the fucking award to that dog. Yes. The dog and anatomy of a fall, the fucking best actor of the year. He already won the Palm Dog. Not enough. I need another one. You know what? You created a fucking box office one? Create a dog one. I'm with you, Chris. Let's get some new award categories.

And one of them is dog act. Dude, just do it all. Dog, cat, horse. Horses have figures. Yeah, get a duck in there. Who cares? It makes as much sense as box office achievement award. There's at least one duck and poor things.

You find your fucking candidates where you can. Yeah. So, yeah, the thing about these action scenes now is like, You just have to figure, because you can't, they're all just killing faceless nobody's like, which is fine. But it's also like poorly lit, poorly filmed, poorly edited, poorly shot. So it's really hard to figure out who's doing what. So you only have little glimpses of things here.

Like Toll Road pulls a grenade off some guy's vest or like the pin off the vest and leaves the grenade, which is good. This is where Gunner, it's this fucking like, Dolf Lundgren acting in a different movie where he is holding this flask like, Oh, do I do. I think ah, oh, fun, fuck it. And he's like chugging this shit. And then it's like, da-da-da-da-da-da. And dude, he gets like madness in his eyes. And he starts like perfectly killing.

And yeah, like headshots everywhere. You'd think you'd be loving this part of the movie. But honestly, it does. Because what you were describing, Andrew, it gets a little boring because it's like, who's shooting what? What's there? What's that? The sky's fake.

Where am I? Yeah, yeah. Because the effects suck. Like, you use, like, the smart thing. they learned here, and thank God for John Wick on this one, is that like John Wick did really push all action movies. You have to have a choreographer now.

Yeah. And they better be good. There has to be some clarity because that's really, that's the benchmark they set, is that they're good at that. So that is good, but like the actual surroundings are so dark and like there's nothing really distinguishing them that I do kind of fade out. I do see what you're talking about. Well,

you're on a boat. The boat itself as a scene is very monotonous. You know what I mean? Like it's just sort of like, oh, here's, you're on this part of the freighter, you're on that part of the freighter. There's not, you know what I mean? It's not like even a building where you're like, oh, you're in the kitchen and you're in the fucking on the skylight. You know what I mean? Look at Under Siege. I know that's a different kind of type of boat, but like that boat was an atmosphere. It was part of something. I'm guarantee, even in Bulgaria, you can get a container ship and figure it out, you know? You're totally right, dude, because this, like that boat in Under Siege, great movie, is one where it feels lived in.

And there's different areas of it. The boat in this movie feels like when you were playing like a one-on-one or a fucking whatever, a multiplayer golden eye round and you pick the boat. And you're just walking around an empty-ass fucking boat. That's more what this feels like everything's gray and nobody cares. The most like action-y, I guess part was when Christmas was using that motorcycle with a gun on it. That's amazing.

Motorcycle guns all pretty cool. Yeah, it was fine. Motorcycles on a boat, much like space horses on spaceships in Star Wars. That's the only thing, too, like, we're lightened off grenades. I'm like, I don't know. Isn't anyone like, yo, dude, is anyone going to sink this boat? I'd be kind of nervous about that. I would be very true.

Yeah, that would not be. It gets kind of crazy. I don't know if we even touched on this, but they're bringing in the guy who can name Kaiser Soze. It's so stupid. And they're touching down and this guy's in this orange jumpsuit And he kits out And of course

He sees Andy Garcia immediately He's like oh that's Ocelot Right fucking there He's like oh no And he immediately shoots him And then it's like this is Ocelot Revealing himself to be Ocelot And again

If you got kicked the head by a horse You're totally fucking shocked But anyone else You're like well who the fuck else Could Ocelot have been Oh I finally found The character's name in my notes So the dude they're making this

prison transfer for the guy is Fenliang Bai is the character name that they give and he's the dude that can identify Ocelot and man it is a huge laugh riot for me at least seeing this guy's eyes go bug-eyed when he's like oh-oh-oh-O-O-O-O-Sala

just gets shot at the face Andy Garcia says bye-bye-bye this name is last in line I'm telling you it's Ocelon we also have Ramat versus Christmas is around here and this is like going out

of the exact same time that this chopper is landing or whatever and this is I mean it's decent enough like because Ramat's got these the sharpened batons I will say though where they're fighting on the boat and because it's like a climactic you know hero versus villain fight in an expendables movie this part really

has echoes of the Stallone JCVD fight in part two like their big ending fight. Similar, like, it feels like it's happening at a Terminator factory. There's definitely, like, different levels of metal staircases and platforms and shit. It felt very like you should have picked a different location for this, but it's still a decent fight jamming this fucking axe into this dude's chest.

More great. Great. Uh-huh. Excellent. But yeah, that's what your eyeball is doing because you're like, more. This all looks the same. And then Andy Garcia is like. Do I really have to say this? Stuart, do I have to?

So that's the script. It's all right. Then, all right, I'm fine. You're like genital awards, Christmas. That's what you are. Genital awards. You're always showing up where you're not wanted and refusing to go away. That's what's great as he then has to explain.

Because it's so stupid. He's like, fuck, now I need two follow-up lines explaining my insult. You see, when you're diagnosed with genital warts. And to be clear, I've never had genital warts, but I'm assuming that genital warts come in and bust up your big deal that you have. You're like genital warts, because first you're like really scared that you might have a life-threatening disease,

and then you're like, oh, thank God, it's only genital warts. But then at the same time, you're like, this is really inconvenient. Jesus Christ. You know who I don't think ever had general warts, the famous handsome actor, Andy Garcy. You know what? I'm going to call up my doctor

and get his say what he thinks Genital Awards are really like. It's it. Yes, Dr. Featstein, yes. Could you please just talk to this man? Why? Okay, he's hung up.

I'm sorry. But yeah, he keeps calling him General Awards. And then there's like, it's amazing. So Toll Road has been stabbed. Ladies and gentlemen, just out of Dallas, toll road has been stabbed.

Oh, no. Close the school. Why? I would know first lady first lady lash she is she's taking him to the hospital and it's just amazing because like what do you call it there like 50 cent at this point has just be like he's the other one has to be like but guys toll road is bleeding out we have to get him to safety and like so this is when they're like oh we can go off tommy's job boat which is still being tugged from the other thing and they're like all right great and you know everybody gets on yes you know let's

escape a nuclear explosion and a little boat. Yes. Which also later on, let's escape it in a helicopter. Another bad idea. You know what, dude? Step on it. Sure. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Exactly. Outrun it. Did you ever think about stepping on it, Eric?

I forgot. Sorry, I forgot. I forgot about stepping on it. But yeah, they all go and then there's this thing where Jason Statham's like, it's actually more movie. And it's like, you know, I'm going to save the day. Make more sacrifice. count. And, you know, he goes back to fight Andy Garcia. Right. To turn the ship around to

not implicate the United States. Thank you very much. Uh-huh. Which is kind of funny because it's like, thanks a lot, British guy. Yeah. Yeah. Good job. You know, thanks for taking out caros. But yeah, he comes down and Eddie Garcia's like, come by, mano e-mano. And you're like, he's got a gun. Well, he's got a gun. I'll tell you what, though, Chris. Fuck this thing. because speaking of shit that sounds familiar, that's exactly what Stallone and Mel do in that last week. Yeah, yeah. Where it's like,

oh, we just do a fish, the lag old time. Stone banks. Yes, the very same. Yeah, Marsh is not quite as good as Stone Banks. But,

yeah, Marsh is about to blow his head off until he is, and I am not getting annihilated by a gatling gun. It's good. It's kind of worthwhile. It almost makes the, movie worthwhile because he is turned into spaghetti.

It's fantastic. It's awesome. This dude just crumbles. Oh, it's like Dr. Strange put a spell on him or something. Like, it's like it looks like magic was involved. The way this dude's body falls apart. It's amazing, yeah. And the reason that your uncle had the heart attack and died

is because the person using that Gatling gun is Sylvester Stallone. Barney Ross is back. He is there to stave. Christmas and Christmas fucking, I love this. He gets on the helicopter like you're getting into like a Toyota Corolla. Yeah. He just like swings his legs in. Like it's that very easy there. I'll tell you this. I mean, so this is like your big moment, right? Like Barney Ross is alive. Sylvester Stallone. Here comes the cavalry. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's amazing that they fuck up that it's like the reveal. Yes. It's like the reveal.

at Barney's bad. It's poorly directed. He gets totally like again Garcia turns to jelly and then Statham looks and you need you when Statham looks the cut is it's either before the cut he says something like who's that or he says nothing and then the cut you let Stallone come into frame and it's revealed and you have a big music swell. The way it happens in this movie Garcia turns to jelly Statham looks out and they don't cut away to anything and Statham just goes

Bonnie? And that's the reveal that Stallone's still alive. How do you fuck that part up? You're welcome. You're welcome. I'm alive. You're welcome. Statham yells out what the fuck is happening. And I was like, exactly. How did you screw this so horribly? And then he's like, yeah, I'll fake my death. And by the way, that guy that that guy at the bar I'm psychotically obsessed with, well, he was involved. you know first my obsession started out small i would go to the parking lot and write down his license

plate repeatedly man i'm talking repeatedly and then one day i was like what if i use this guy to fake my own dad he beat me in a thumb wrestling war why not kill him oh man yeah just like our hero folks this guy like you see this man still alive like yeah maybe this guy's a asshole, but like, that guy had a family. He probably ran a nice motorcycle shop in town. Why does he have to die 6,000 miles from where he lived?

That's true. You're running at the tainted spike and where, or what was it? Tainted spoke was the bar. There it is. And then you die in Libya outside old Gaddafi's old chemical plant. Dude, and like all the guys like

back in Nola at the bar just like, oh yeah, you hear what happened? Yeah, our short little friend there got iced. Yeah, oh, what happened? Drunk driving, he, uh, OD on some fent in his shitty apartment. What? Oh, he was, uh, killed in a huge plane crash in Libya. What? You know that, uh, you know that bar down on Sycamore? Yeah, they got his hand there just hanging out in a, up on the bar with a ring. I don't know. But it's all right, because it's given the fucking finger. Awesome. that fart

that fucking rules so the whole thing is like Stallone's like hey man where they keeping the bomb in the ship and Christmas is like oh it's oh it's to the back there and Stallone like uses this helicopter gun to cut this boat in half

I don't know if that's how he does he basically he does a super Titanic because it takes you know it takes a Titanic a wild split in half and go This is 20 seconds. It's like 20 seconds. Yeah, we ain't arranging no deck chairs on this. I'm the king of the world.

I mean, it's genius dumb guy, I thought. It's like, well, bomb the bomb and it will be fine. There was definitely room on that plank of wood. Oh, and we're also, yeah, we're only going to kill, what, like a hundred thousand whales? Oh, dude. I mean, like, mute the whales, dude. Literally. whatever happened

whatever absolute geological disaster this was this is how you get Godzilla dude nobody's going swimming ever again this is it this is the end of going to swimming into oceans but then immediate it's like I need a drink

yeah that's also that's what's crazy about this we cut back to this dumb bar you do not have a scene where the rest of them realize that he's still alive no it's crazy They're just happy about it.

That's why I was like, wait, is this all part of the plan and Lee Christmas? No, it's just a stupid move. No, they should just do the fucking the end of the rock. Like, you know, he's still dead. And then you fuck, you know, go ahead. Go live your life bar. And you know, that's what it should be. He's still dead exactly, dude.

And he fucking toots off on a motorcycle somewhere. And, you know, that's what happens. But instead, we're having another reception at this bar. It's a, we're glad you're not dead. reception, I guess. And let me tell you something the air conditioner is on in this scene. Oh, Jesus. That is

so fucked up. I couldn't believe this, man. After, like, dude, you go through all the fucking, like, Mega Fox is known for, like, being like, it was a little weird that the camera was all the way up my asshole in transformers. That was a little strange. And then you say, like,

can we get some nips? Give me some nips. Give me some nips. I want some nips for this scene to really fire up really Christmas to really want to Take you back. For all the guys driving around their F-150s buying snake flags, just like, yeah. Fuck yeah. We're seeing something. Of course it is. But like, you know, generally when these moments happen in movies, it's kind of like, I was just nature and whatever. It happened. This is like each of them

had an individual fan turned up. And they were only taking off the set right before someone called action. They should be in the credits. They should be in the credits. Listed actors. And those snake flag guys, can't they just watch Jennifer's body and not pay attention to the movie? No,

it makes me mad and confused. Every time. I've watched it several times. Because I'm like, oh shit, are they going to kiss? And then it's like, wait,

this isn't enough. Wait, what? Chris Pratt, what are you doing to my beautiful brats? Is she the, Oweesa the bad guys?

I got to rewatch that Give it a fair shake that Jennifer's body I never actually saw it I saw years Years back I know it's got that reavow Yeah I think it's a good movie

I think it's a pretty good movie I don't think it's like great or anything But I think it sets out what it's gonna do And it does it well You know what I think is totally great Ending this movie with the boys are back in town And then while the boys are back in town Are still playing

over the credits in loving memory of Michael J. Duthy. Oh, yeah, dude. If it's a bad movie, you better believe someone's getting a death dedication. Who's a stuntman or something? I don't know. I looked up

crazy credits on IMDB. Couldn't find anything. Oh, nobody tagged this one? That's funny. I could have sworn some sick fuck would have put it. Let's see, I searched him here. So, it looks like editor. Editor. Editor passed away in

20, 22. We could have used him on this one. Edited. Wow. Actually, look at this. Edited Universal Soldier. Edited Stargate. He edited the Expendables 4. Emmerks guy. Oh, so he was the edit.

He was the editor for this movie. There it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A mechanic resurrection. I feel like they this, this, it is Thin Lizzie singing boys are back in town. But I feel like they asked like, he got a shitty version. you got a version where like the the drum fills weren't finished yet the fucking

the guitar was like only half tuned because like it sounds like a shitty version of it it isn't it isn't this bad and it's a band I also like early stuff on so I'm not slamming them or anything but I believe the band Everclear has a lackluster cover of this I believe that too I think it's them but there are I mean regardless there are definitely are bad covers of this song Oh, for sure. But I mean, you know, we're going for all the big hits, dude. Pimp, this, you know, you are going to want to buy this soundtrack album. Absolutely, dude. At gunpoint. Mundo, put out the vinyl. Come on. There it is. But that is the end of expendables for, aka expendables. Go around the horn here for some final thoughts, Eric Siska. Yeah. Okay. So it's not good. It's not really a recommend. Maybe a light recommend. I think it's better than the thing. third movie for me. It feels a little less convoluted because we get Christmas on the boat. And it's, it's a little more lean in that way, even though it's trash. And it's 20 minutes,

it's over 20 minutes shorter than Expendables 3. Yes, I was pleased to see this come in at like a buck 45 or whatever. So I recommend it compared to Expendables 3. Sure. Chris Cabin. Yeah, don't for see it. Don't don't, don't do it. It's terrible. I get you know what I prefer the third one I think because you know what Mel Gibson's still a star like I watch it I'm like he comes alive for a little bit

I watch this there's just fucking nothing it's just like oh god a half good fight scene yippee I don't have those right but does Mel turn to jelly at the end of that he does not turn into jelly but it's digital jelly and I don't appreciate that sure but you know what

yeah they're all essentially the same they're all fucking suck. I didn't appreciate watching this one. But we did it for the show. Hey. There you go. Steven Saneck. Yeah, unless you are in a movie podcast and you have to you want to talk about it, I think

that you should watch this movie. I think that there's no reason a human being should watch this movie unless maybe if you are in the middle of a divorce and you want to feel want to feel again possibly. There's plenty of those guys. Yeah. Have that it, dude.

um you know i don't know i guess i'm leaning more towards with eric here i think i'm a little little bit of a light recommend even though it is cg i blood and shit it was nice to go back to having these movies have like fun violence in them sure uh and shit like the motorcycle guns like it definitely has its moments none of them have to do with sylvester salone none of them really have anything to do with this being an expendables movie uh i think it just goes to This movie, if anything, kind of just goes to show like this series is totally done and that's fine. And you should

team up Statham and Tony Jahn and make some fucking awesome movie that I would enjoy watching and make sure to have it be rated R. Also, I still just cannot get over. And I'm going to be thinking about this for days. The fact that Steve, you guys watched both of those movies I still...

It's just... My jaw was on the floor when it started playing an anatomy of video of a call, Paul. I was like, what? On... Doesn't it open the movie? It does. It almost does. It almost does. It's just about, right? Yeah, there's a dialogue scene and then it starts to play.

Man, that French prosecutor should have brought up the fact that that was also in the Expendables for. Your husband is playing movies from, hold on, let me check my note. Expendable for? And you did not recognize it? Well, see, if anything, though, that would be a movie about, oh, your husband's a fan of Expendables for. murdered his wife how that would check out Anatomy of the fall

that's the recommend for this week yeah actually totally great great great movie but that is going to do it for this episode on Expendables 4 if you would like more

we hate movies of course check out the Patreon patreon.com slash we hate movies where we have this month a we love movies all about Golden Globe winner Oppenheimer

out now a convo a lot of funny stuff a lot of film appreciation stuff and just about the length of the motion picture, but not quite there. So we have that out right now. And also, we got a

wild AD this month on the since-canceled Netflix cartoon Agent Elvis, if you can believe that's a fucking thing. Yeah. It was for about two months. Yeah, not for that. Of course, Melro 2.0 and the Nexus, of course,

will be out regularly scheduled programs on both of those. And Eric, we're talking about somebody on the Glebe Glossary. We are talking about the forgotten and dropped Star Wars character Lady Valerian, but don't worry. We settle a bed on the show.

It's a very exciting episode. It's a great episode. Oh yeah, you're going to want to catch that, of course. And I should say also, if you are a subscriber at the $8 level or up, that means you're likely listening to this ad free on the Patreon. So if you're one

of those folks that does not get down with commercials, boy, do we have a solution for you, patreon.com slash we hate movies. Now, Steve Sadek, if I have my calendar math right here, there's yet another week where we're talking about some movies that were shitty from last year. Is that right?

That's right. Unlike last year, we counted the amount of weeks correctly this time around. That's good. Remember that happened? We had to do black out of it. We're like, oh shit, what do we do? Right, yeah. Oh, cool. I didn't know we counted right. That's great to hear. Saw X, the 10th saw film. Wow. That is exciting.

By the way, also remember the February 1st, that Thursday night at 9 o'clock, we're doing a live episode on The Flash. Yes. That's right. Tickets are available now. Moment.C.O. slash we hate movies. And we will be in Atlanta, Georgia, April 25th at the city winery. We will be at the Houston Improv on May 14th. We will be at the Austin, Texas Cap City Comedy Club on May 15th. as well. Come out and see us on the road. We'd love to meet you. Absolutely. And if you can tell

folks at the time we're recording this, we don't have titles announced for those shows yet. But I can promise you those shows are going to be a lot of fun. And we will definitely be talking about a movie of some sorts. So come out more information on those shows over at wh-hmpodcast.com. That's going to do it for this week. Until next week where we're talking about a movie I stunningly did not hate from last year, which is Sawex. I know. We'll get into it. Until then, I've been Andrew Jup. Steven Sadek. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. Thank you. Thank you.