We Hate Movies - S14 Ep729: Rollerball (2002)

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

“He’s one of the worst to ever do it, folks…” - Steve on Chris Klein On this week’s episode, we’re chatting about the terrible, hatchet job remake, Rollerball! Why do studios put so much trust in dumbass test screenings? Why did McTiernan think getting all the social commentary out of this remake was a smart idea? Why were they banking so hard on the charm of… ECW’s Paul Heyman? How many re-shoots does it take to sink a movie? And does this movie have one of the worst soundtracks of all time? PLUS: Orson Welles weighs in on the use of… NIGHT. VISION.  Rollerball stars Chris Klein, Jean Reno, LL Cool J, Rebecca Romijn, Naveen Andrews, Oleg Taktarov, Andrew Bryniarski, and Paul Heyman as English Sports Announcer; directed by John McTiernan. This episode is brought to you in part by Astepro! Get fast-acting nasal allergy symptom relief with Astepro. Go to Astepro allergy dot com for a discount so you can Astepro and Go! today. A-S-T-E-P-R-O allergy dot com. Astepro and Go! (Use as directed for relief of nasal congestion, runny nose, sneezing and itchy nose due to allergies.) And also by MeUndies! Get 20% off your first order, plus free shipping, at MeUndies dot com slash whm. That’s Me Undies dot com slash whm for 20% off, plus free shipping. MeUndies—comfort from the outside in! Be sure to catch us on tour this spring, y’all! We’ll be in Atlanta on 4/25 (Gamer), Houston on 5/14 (Robocop 2), and Austin on 5/15 (From Dusk Till Dawn)! Tickets are on sale now and meet & greets are happening at all shows, so head to our website and pick up your tix today—we wanna see you out there! Make the WHM Merch Store your one-stop shop for all your We Hate Movies merch-related needs! Including new Time Runner, Polish Decoy, ‘Jack Kirby’, and Forrest the Universal Soldier designs!

Hi, Steve Sadek here from the podcast you're listening to. Have you ever wanted to see We Hate Movies Live? Well, if you live in Atlanta, Houston, or Austin, Texas, this spring you can. That's right, this spring, we are hitting the road and going a bit south to bring you folks' comedy that only jaded New Yorkers could come up with. First up on April the 25th, we're going to the city winery in Atlanta to talk about Gamer. That's that Gerard Butler movie where a little kid. kid gets to control him through his television or something. Expect a lot of acts in this one.

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This week on the program, it's the movie that put John McTiernan in jail. it's the Roller Ball remake. I'm Andrew Jupin. I'm Stephen Sadek. Eric Ball. A fox in the box, Chris Cabin. Oh, and we hate movies. Hello, everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in, as always. If you're new to the program, because you're a huge rollerball O2 fan. This is a comedy show where we take a movie good, better, otherwise, and kick it around for a little bit.

And that's right, the listener requested episode this week is indeed John McTiernan's. 2002 remake of the James Con film Roller Ball. Yeah, shot in 2000 apparently. Yeah, this is sit on the shelf for a while. So, okay, so the filming Roller Ball, the planning and strike of 9-11

occur while it's on the shelf. Yes. Yes. And then they finish it by reshooting a ton of it. And here it is to disappoint audience. So he, Klein must have gotten this right off of American Pie. Yeah, probably. And just went right into it and like, oh boy. Well, everybody he must have passed. I mean, like, I was a reading that's like, oh, Keanu Reeves is considered and

blah, blah, blah, like that. Yeah, okay. You're going to get him to do this piece of shit movie after the Matrix. Got it. Uh-huh. Yeah. Got it. And client, I mean, like, it's, he's one of the worst to ever do it, folks. He just really is. He's just a handsome guy that got lucky with the pie fucker movie. He fit in pie because it's like, oh, gee, Willikers, look at me boner type of stuff. I don't even think he works particularly well in America by. I think he works really well in election. And if you had put him in those kinds of roles, he might have had something, but like, that's

literally all he can do. You ever see that leaked audition of his for Mamma Mia? No. It's fucking brutal. It's one of the meanest things that he would ever did to leak that. Because it's like, he's not a singer. And like, it's like him going in the room, like, oh, who'd you have out there? You had Mandy Moore? Yeah, we worked on a little movie called American Dreams. She's a sweetheart.

You should definitely cast her. Oh, no. By the way, here's my thing. And he's like, and he's like, try to run the room and then it's just like they start playing the piano and it's just it's brutal it reminded me uh when i was in the eighth grade i auditioned for the the school musical that year uh and it was annie and i was uh auditioning for the role of daddy warbucks and i forget what the song it wasn't a song from annie it was some tune it was like all right andrew now we're gonna the the the accompanist on the piano there's gonna cue you in and just gonna sing this song. And when I tell you

the level of flame out that happened, like I was not bound for the break by the way. I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. I'm a child. I'm a mother. I'm a sinner. I'm saying. You know, feel ashamed. I'm pretty sure my

school had no theater department. I think that was first cut out the door. Well, science first. Then. Oh, yeah. More human. It was so bad. And anyway, I tell that because my

memory went right back to that day when I saw that video. I was like, you poor fuck, you didn't have a chance now. Poor guy. Well, he rehabilitated himself with the legend of Chung Lee. Oh, yeah. A street fighter story. Does he even have like, does he does voice work? I didn't check

the old resume. I haven't checked on him in a while. Someone do a wellness check. Yeah, I think he's okay. Well, I look up as, I knew, who requested this one? Well, let's listen and find out, Steve, because I forgot this dude's name. Here we go. Steve from Baltimore, and I'm calling

into request in 2002's Roller Ball. It is an absolutely insane start-to-a-movie and a crazy premise, and it features Jean-Renaudel, L-L-L-Col-J, and some other faces, I guess.

Correct lineup. But not really actors. Anyway, that's my request. Talk to you later. I hope he got the body into the freezer. I hope he, yes. It was all fitting in there.

I really do. Thank you, Steve. And that's, you're not Steve Sadek. That's from Baltimore, the cooler Steve. That's right. And Steve, uh, you know what? This proves like, no matter how busy people are, you can call in with the request. 100%.

Whether you're jamming a body in a freezer or you're busy at work, you can find time to multitask, call in and get your request. If you're a bouncer literally bouncing someone from a club at that moment, you can still call in. Oh, that'd be great. I'd like to request America's sweetheart. and get the fuck out of me. It's a really bad movie. That one's getting kicked because we already did that. Oh, we did.

That one's getting kicked right out. Calling with Roadhouse if you're about. Please. Get the Roadhouse and then we're fine. Yeah, yeah. That makes sense. He's working on, he's on a secret Netflix show, it seems like, sweet magnolias. Sweet magnolias. Now, run us through sweet magnolias. What is that about? Three South Carolina women best friends in high school, Shepard, one another,

through the complexities of romance, career, and family. Is it just, wait, is it with steel magnolias, but like a TV show? Sweeter, sweeter, sweet to Magnolia. Yeah, but, we start at the break of dawn. Yes. Illegal San Francisco set street losing. Oh, God. Somebody had just watched Fast and Furious and was like,

we're going to make a little bit of a fun one. Well, actually, that, no, no, because. Fast of the Fears came out in 2001, right? Yes. This was filmed in 2000. No, but I would say I would bet my money that this is part of the reshoots because Chris Client's hair is really long here. It's supposed to make sense because like, oh,

blah, blah, blah, he's about to go into the thing. But he wouldn't have two hair, aircuts. You know what I mean? Like it's like, let's establish him in a real world environment instead of not too distant future, 2005, Kazakhstan. Central Asia. Right. That's the thing.

is like the first movie, I think you know, the 1975, I find it a little boring but it is. I fell right asleep trying to watch it. It's got great moments to it. The rollerball stuff is fantastic. But that movie's like in the misguided future corporations run everything and that's why you have murder on TV. Kind of like

running man or something. Yes. And this is just like, hey, it's like a year in the future and yeah, it's dirty Central Asia. That's why they think it's a story. Well, yeah, it takes all blame on America out. Like American media specifically. And to the point

of Norman Jewel, the late Norman Jewison directed the original Roller Ball, I kind of am okay with it being a little sleepy. All new Hollywood movies are a little sleepy to me. I don't mind a little sleepy. As compared to this, which is like being bludged into death by scenes. Much better film. I watched it

about two weeks ago and like I really enjoyed the rollerball stuff. Like it actually makes the game really clean and easy to understand and like exciting. Like you know what I mean? The game itself is really exciting in which this case is so cross-cut and looks like a fucking bad circus. Like it seems the real role the roll of all in the 75 one seems plausible.

It's the problem is the sci-fi elements don't really hold together. There's like something, something corporations now where cities and each city is responsible for a utility like Houston is the energy city and like Tokyo is doing something else. I think this is why I started falling asleep. See, to me that's more interesting.

Oh, it certainly is. It is. It's world building at the very least, even if it's a little dull. And, like, actually, like, to that point, I think it's actually a mistake to establish a real world in this. Yeah, absolutely. Like, I think you should make it as insular as possible. Like, just like, nope, this is just the rules of it. Yeah, we're in Kazakhstan and Mongolia, I guess. That's it.

But, yeah, so we're starting in the streets of San Francisco. And, dude, bullet, this is not. No. This is so shittily photographed. it's awful it's so bad it reminded me of airborne remember that movie former episode of ours

is it so like what is this street skate what would you call this street luge street luge got it oh yeah oh yeah it's that a thing is people do people doing this yeah I would guess yes I don't know I would guess that this is real in some right into the mailbag of your street you are doing that we all hate movies at gmail dot com

the guy that's like organizing it or whatever there's like this big fat guy at the beginning and is at first he's shown only in silhouette you hear him speak, I thought for sure it was Steve Shrippa, Bobby Bacola from Sopranos. Because he's definitely got the build for it. He started sounded like him a little bit. And then they show this guy

and I was like, oh, damn it. And it's like oh yeah, you guys are each making 350 a piece. You said four. It's like, yeah, now it's 350. What are you going to do? Now, what is even happening here? Because it's like we're going to 3.50, race to the bridge, street losing. We're going to take

photographs of you. And that is our, what we're getting out of this? Where are you going to go? If you want to make money, street losing, you gotta work with us, brother. We're the premier San Francisco Street Lusion League. Now that we got that street illusion photo out of the way,

why don't you pop your shirt off a little bit? I think that's, dude, that's exactly right. You're getting them comfortable with the cameras during the street race. And then at the after party, it's like, how about we take a couple more fun photos, Chris Klein? You're a little too good looking to be a street lusion. Actually, we are making a luge zine called Louisiana.

And we're just working on this day and night. We love what we're doing. And all these pictures organically going to be in that, a little zine there. Hey, guys, why is a luge spelt like lube? No reason. It's a misprint on the flyer. Don't worry about it.

Bend over a little bit. By way, you're not allergic to anything. I thought you knew this was an ass race. But they, I mean, it's, it sucks. I mean, is this, oh, is this POD? Is this POD that we're listening to? Oh, I don't know. Here comes the boom is later.

Later. This is, I was doing a fuck ton of shazimming here. Oh, Jesus. This is a beautiful creatures right. That's the last time you heard from them. Yeah, I haven't even heard that shit. The new metal is off the chart. It's fucking abysmal.

What awful music. Awful the charts. I will say when we finally see Slipknot performing, it's a bit of a bomb. It's compared to everything else that's going on around it. It's nice to see the fellas in their nice. The circumstances of that Slipknot cameo is also fucking hilarious. It makes sense. They should be relegated to playing shows in Mongolia.

They're huge in Mongolia. Oh, Slipknot. They're incredible. They love mass singers over there. They love that shit. They're playing in the cage. where Vega comes out of in street fighting. Yes. Oh, my God.

You know, outside this very studio, I was trying to re-listen to that song. Oh, I made it less than a minute. Wait, which one? The Slipknot one. From this. From this. Yeah, I'll tell you, big tip there.

I'll tell you right now, you know why it was hard? Yeah. Sometimes awful music is very hard to listen to. Yeah. I learned that today. And sometimes great bands like Sipnod are hard to listen as well. Oh, wow. These things happen in life. Look at this guy.

He's wearing a leather mask. That first album rules, man. It's a really good album. Is it? Yeah, rules all of Mongolia. It does. So we're going down the hill. Yeah, two sexy ladies

who are on a motorcycle like, Hey, handsome, look at you. Hey, see you at the Lou party. Hey, kid. Hey, kid. Uh-huh. Well, because he's the young pop on the street. Lushing scene.

After you're done here, you've got to meet his lane. She's so cool. there's a really great moment of this do you guys catch the cg i kid yeah no it's like oh my god because there's it's like chris klein battling with someone who's got a helmet on and so you can't see them and like they're kicking each other whatever and like uh-oh there's this truck that we're coming up on oh right and the one person goes one way around the truck and chris klein tries to go the other way but then there's a little kid here and like the little kid is about to get smushed and chris klein has to do some maneuvering but they show the kid jump out of the way and it's just

just a little cartoon. It's right before he goes under the truck and he's like, oh shit. Can I say kill the kid. That would give him reason to flee the country. What the fuck is he leaving America for it? Yeah, I'm not really allowed the states currently. Bogolia sounds fantastic.

Big Rid. Decent move here. He kicks this opponent off the street and this person slams into the window of a sushi bar. I mean, he goes through. It's a great stunt. It's not. It's probably one of my favorite stunts of the movie. movie for sure. This is the most excited. I like this

most than more until the very end. I think this is better than the games we actually watch. I agree. It's it's it's shittily shot but it's a pretty decent bit of action. It's also clear what's happening. Yes, you can follow it the whole time. Because there's just two people going down a hill. Yeah. I feel also from the original to this are there more people on these rollerball teams than in that movie? They are and the and the course is smaller for some reason. Yes, the course is smaller and there's

more theatric in this. Because it's more of a skate park in this. It was roller derby in the original. It's more just roller derby with motorcycles and like a metallic ball that will fuck you up. They have like regular helmets and this one there's more like this guy's dressed as a night. This lady's dressed as I think they call her robot

even though she doesn't look like one. There's a ball that goes into a hole rather than a ball that bangs off some things. Like there's just, it's just so much well. There's so much at the beginning of that movie of James Con stuffing this little middle ball precisely in the tiny hall. And there's this really cool thing where like the ball

has to go around the track at least once. You hear it. You know what I mean? It's like this really like sensory thing. You don't feel anything in this movie. A slip knot is in your fucking nose hole. No atmosphere in this at all. There's no. And it's so the track is so small.

It feels like mouse trap. It does. Well, you know what? They missed out. This would be a perfect. a crossover with the triple X series. Oh, nice. He could definitely be putting some money down on a roller ball game. Sometimes I'm doing crazy extreme

spy stuff and then sometimes I'm going to Kazakhstan to play roller ball. Did you know that Central Asia is disgusting? This client is in trouble and out of nowhere, a rise a white knight in the form of

LL Cool J, his old friend Marcus Ridley Who is like, get in the car By handing him this seat belt Yes. Which like I don't know There goes you 350 Chris Klein But also so he He purposely accidentally

Leaves behind his street luge Oh no. Oh damn And we're led to believe this is what Leave the cops to him somehow Did he write his name? If lost, please do John Jonathan Cross Care of

It's how he's making his buddy Yeah Maybe that's it Well there's all those Like video Maybe the cops Got a hold of the tape And got his name

Because he's also I mean he's not a known person We learn in this car scene That he's also Recently been booted From a minor league hockey team Because as he says The coach wanted me to play D

Which is such a stupid fucking thing to complain about The sport like hockey Like it's a dumb That's a two-way sport. Happy Gilmore said the same thing. No, it's very, get very happy Gilmore vibes because it's like, well, I can't leave the country. Tryouts are coming.

Grandma, we got to go to Mongolia. I heard they got subway in Mongolia. They're taking grandma's house. No, I have to rollerball. But Marcus Ridley is like, look, man, I'm, I am two years away from retirement. If I keep making money like this, I'm only in town for one night. I'm leaving on a steam ship. or something at like

at midnight tonight at the docks get to the docks it's the ship with the name a boat of lost souls on it we're gonna get on that make sure that there is not a dragon head on that boat that is the one that takes you to Mortal Kombat

you don't want to go there it's two boats down to Roller Bowl Now a guy in a red tie is going to take you to a room and he's going to burn off your fingerprints okay this is a normal thing they do it to everybody Oh no it would appear as if you got on the wrong boat

you are looking for the roller ball boat oh well another soul for goron aren't you supposed to be fighting no we will be sailing near Mongolia to get to the shadowlands wow welcome to the shadow world boy you really dodged a bullet having to travel to central Asia it's so disgusting our air condition is at least work here we take all of the worst chance

champions from Mortal Kombat and we send them to Central Asia. That's who rules them now. They're all just playing Rollerball because they got kicked out of Mortal Kombat. That haircut isn't going to make it in Mortal Kombat. See you in Rollerball. A soul. Sorry you handsome

white weirdo. We already have Johnny Cage. Jonathan Cross, I can't keep them apart. How am I going to know them straight? Get his ass the rollerball. It just looks like both players selected to fight with Johnny Cage. So we're in

Kazakhstan. Speaking of L.L. Cool J. real quick. There is a drop thing somewhere in this that it's like, oh, I make more money in a year doing this than 10 years I would doing people's taxes. It's not dropped, dude. He repeatedly mentions being an

accountant all throughout this movie. There is another thing where he's making money to bring his wife and kids from somewhere. He says something like... They're stuck in the Mortal Kombat Shadow Realm. I was thinking. I didn't know.

This original cut was over two hours long. There's so much removed. There's so much reshot. Sorry, Marcus, your daughter's 5'10. She could really fight. I need her in Mortal Kombat. Oh, but your wife, I'm sorry to tell you. She was a victim of a babe balloting.

Your daughter is known as Iron Butterfly. Yeah, you're going to want to meet your wife in about 20 to 25 years as she's now currently a baby. Look what happens when your daughter pulls off her cool mask. And it's like monster teeth and she's spinning acid. Your daughter has killed more people than you,

my husband. There's one thing we could do. We could take your babality wife's brain and put it into an adult woman. Then she would win an Academy Award. Now, if you would excuse me It's okay, it's legal and outworld Oh dude, Bella and Outworld

I mean, she's a popular character I gotta be award winning That might be a new skin in Mortal Kombat Bella Absolutely Bella Baxter has entered the game And all those perverts would love the skin there Oh wow, she can only do babalities Interesting

No, no, no, press the code to me make you have sex with her. I'll bring it in tomorrow. Oh, no, it's a goatality. He thinks he's a goat. But, yes, so Chris Klein, he's like, hey, man, I don't think we'll be doing that. I'm going to be, you know, blah, blah, blah.

I'm going to one more time with the hockey. But then he goes to his apartment. And yes, there's like 40 cops outside looking for the... Like they think they're on the heels of the Zodiac himself. You must have gotten the sushi guy. Yeah, that dude has to be dead. I think that's it. That sushi window guy ate shit. Just explain yourself to the authorities.

A fat older man told me to do it for $3.50. Roll on everyone. He looks like Bobby Bacala from the Sopranos. You can't miss him. They meet at the top of Bender and Lowe. It's every morning at like 6 a.m. sharp, right as the fucking sun's coming out. They're there. But no, now we're at Rollerball.

and like, Central Asia, four months later. Yes, I will go play murder sport to avoid an weekend of community service. Oh, did I miss the four months later? Because it was confusing. It is four months later. It does. Okay. I was really confused.

I was like, is this first night? Is it not? Because he's like a huge star. Yeah, so that four months, whatever. Maybe they got him like right for the start of the season or whatever. And like, yeah, he's super popular. He just killed a lot of people in those first two months. Like, and he really rose up right in the race.

Everyone is going to rollerball. including ECW chairman slash promoter Paul Heyman. And if it's to be believed one of the absolute funniest details about all of this is Paul Heyman was wherever they were filming this for whatever amount of time doing this movie, his big screen debut, while ECW was crumbling financially and all of the fucking like wrestlers and executives were furious that the head of the company was making some piece of shit roller ball remade. I mean, it's his Hail Mary play, man. He's going to become a movie star now.

You know, what would this movie be without these commentary bits that we get? I mean, like, I don't even know if he was told what the sport was. I really don't. Well, you said big screen debut, more of a pig screen debut. Excellent. Yes, that's true. We should say it now because I don't remember where he comes and it does not fucking matter because he doesn't say anything in the movie, but he is not the only,

wrestling royalty in this movie because Shane McMahon himself, the Donald Trump Jr. of wrestling. What is, so that's the son of Vince McMahon? Vince McMahon's son who in the early odds when I was really into wrestling, he was like in it. He was doing matches. He was playing a version of himself. Yeah. So was the daughter, Stephanie.

But like, he's in this movie just like, he greets Jean Reno at one point. Like they shake hands. And then like, I forget which country it's in, but like the something happens in the match and shits kind of go and tits up. And there's this look from Shane McMahon to Jean-Rinot that's like, this is getting out of the ball. Oh, right. Okay, yes. I missed him too.

And I watched wrestling, but you did, and I know very well of Shane McMahon. I just didn't see him in the movie. Yeah, zero lines, maybe something in this two-hour cut. He had something to say to Jean-Renau, but no words. Why is Renault playing Russian? Just haven't played French. It's a fucking, you have Italians.

You've got all these other people in this organization. I'm sorry. Eric, but French is not as evil as Russian. It's just not, it's just not. Remember, we're in dirty, dirty, central. Exactly. You know what's right over the border? Russia, my friend. And it's all their

fault. That's why it's dirty. It's nice to see that the league of Rollerball is a melting pot of a global scumbaggaria. Right, yes. You got everyone. You got the Italians. You got the French. You got Crocosha. Krakosha is here.

Catch a packet for everyone. I think Parmastan is here as well. Oh, Parmastan definitely is representation. The Jim Cata games. I would say Parmaston would do really well with all the ninjas and stuff. They would do so well. They would knock the shit out of these people. I just love that.

My God, early episode of ours, Jim Cata. Sure. I just love Eastern Europe meets Ninja. Yep. What a great blend of spikes. It could be fabulous. Could be a redo. We never know. Honestly, as Eric was bringing it up,

if I ever in my life get to win the VHS trailer game, I think I'm changing my redo to Jim Codic. I shouldn't kind of rewatch. Well, you're not going to win. Well, that's true. And neither are you, though. No, no, no. That's why I went for broke last time.

Well, no, actually, the last round of the VHS trailer game, there are no rules. You could just kill Chris. Oh, yeah. I'll bring a ball from home. Just you try. But yeah, it's like, it's, uh, it's roller ball.

And like, we just sort of, we, everyone is going crazy for jaw. is Jonathan. Johnaton. Jonathan. It is just so funny that he's known as Jonathan. Like, you know what I mean?

Like, it's like Street Fighter. Dude, you just root. Ken. Yeah. Well, guys. Ken. Remember, take your back. Take yourselves way back to the year 2000, 2001, 2002, whatever this was conceived.

Jonathan Davis, top of the world. Top of the world. You know, you know, you know why he's top of the world, Eric? He's so top of the world. He didn't have to. be in rollerball. And his music is also not featured in rollerball. He passes to slip knot.

That sounds pretty fucking terrible. I'll have you guys later. You know who I think had like a, uh, uh, he lost like a car collection in a fire or something and had to make it back with rollerball licensing. Rob Zambi, I think, holds the record for most tracks. Yeah, he's got like two tracks on this fucker. It might even be three, honestly,

dude, because there was one, I fucking shazamed it and I was like, zombie again. I mean, I would know him for many. like that's when you're just like bam i know that shit i mean but also you got to imagine the excess of material so many different versions of dracula with just like different chord oh yeah sure and that's all he does what an artist so we meet the crew yeah it's ll cool j's a motorcycle guy he's got uh you've got the rebecca romaine with the crazy devil helmet on she's aurora aurora she's in the netherlands we're told right where yeah she's named after

Aurora, Illinois. Aurora Boramias. She bored me to tears. There's a guy named Denny, who's a big dude. That guy pops up in a ton of stuff. It was one of those things where I went to look at his IMDB, and he's been in so much shit, like, recently that, like, I scrolled a ton of times and I was still in, like, 2002, and I was like, fuck it. Really? Wow. Yeah. No, he's kind of like a little brick shit house.

I forget his name, but, uh, Dad, Save Yourself is in this at some point. He's later. Dad, save yourself? Andrew Bynarski, speaking of streetfire, he's Zengi, Zengi, yeah. Andrew Bynarski in this movie, I think, is the guy on the horde at the end who, like, he's the first one on the horde to start realizing that it's all fucked up, and he starts, like, backing off a little. Where's the dad quote from?

Batman returns, baby. He's Chris walking the son. Dad, say yourself. I completely forgot. Doing a Chris walking impression in this movie. Dad, go. Yeah, it's the other guy. guy Denny is played by Oleg

Tark Tokhtarov Gazzuta. Who's in Predators, National Treasure, and 15 minutes, and also, you guessed at Roller Ball. Of course. Yeah, Rollerball is in his top four and I am in a movie. So, yeah. But so like, we're meeting the team. There's also a big bruiser

named Tabo or Tova. Oh, Tobah. It sounds like Tobo. Every time they say it. Oh, David, I was in Roller Ball murdering people. I was the one who got my face, Bastion with the big metal ball when my helmet fell off, David. It was kind of like Drew Barrymore and screamed. They wanted a big name to die early on.

Oh, what else? You double asking real world. He's going to be there. Oh, no. They were giving us the ball hassle. And I'd never been to Kazakhstan. It was Montreal.

Don't worry about it. But it's funny because the Jonathan thing, it is funny. But like, it even sounds more plausible in the original. Because he's named Jonathan in the original. as well. Like, it's just Jonathan E. They make his character also from Texas, which Khan's character is in the original.

Right, yeah. And Khan was trying, now, it's hazy. I was doing substance. Okay, he's trying to get at, like they're trying to force him out of the game in the first one. They want to promote him. They want him to become part of the, they essentially want him to start running roller ball.

But to retire. Yeah, they do a similar, like, we'll have, we'll give you a retirement mat. Which is more kind of more interesting than just, doing the running man again, where you're there kind of against your will for most of the time. And it speaks to what James, like, it has a personal investment for James Kahn

talking about stardom and like trying to become a producer at the time. There was some element to it. It does have some investment. And like the whole point of it, John Housman is the big batty. It's like basically part of the the culture, the corporate class and he wants to make

sure that James Kahn, like, he's a little too flashy, he's a little too popular. And like the idea of Rollerball for the corporate classes to show unity and teamwork and he's just like kind of like it's all for me and that's what the ending is it's just like no I could do this myself but he does

which kind of rules but you know in this it's nothing because it's just it's roller ball it's Jimmy Jean-No and what's his name Nevin Andrews yes this is the number two there Sanjay but they I do like

there's one sort of funny bit I think where Paul Heyman keeps having to read these clearly fake bios. Oh, right. And like, it's, he gets this new, he's like, oh, another new bio for Jonathan here. And it's like, that's right, folks. He was considered in America

to be the next Wayne Gretzky, and he turned it all down to come play rollerball. It's like, anytime you hear someone saying someone's the new Wayne Gretzky, you know it's full of shit because no one will ever be a great one ever again. I would have loved it if they had just, they should have done suicide Squad intros for all.

Oh, yes. Jonathan. Killed his sister is also a reptile from the waist down. And now this wrestling fellow, you guys know so, loves so well. He's part of, he does the

English language broadcast. There's other, there's Chinese, there's Japanese people doing different broadcasters. Jean Reno is hinging on this North American cable deal. Yes. So I guess how would I get sick boots of Rollerball if I was an American

at the time? I guess it's the internet. You got streaming going on. If you had early not at the time. Early satellite. My parents, we were lived deep in the woods. Deep, deep in the woods. Clearly. No, no. Yeah, that's why there's problems. You got Russian sitcoms

going on there? No, but you could actually, I would actually late at night because it would be, it was a giant fucking dish. Like from stay tuned, like humongous. Okay. And I would move it in the middle of the night. And I would actually be able to get Japanese television. Oh, wow. Because you could just reposition where the dish

was pointing and hit another satellite. It would go, it would take forever to find one. You could find them. That's pretty neat. It's kind of like stargazing, but nerdyer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For television, you can't understand. The things I do for pornography. I guess, you know, were you were you stumbling across like some fuckplex?

No, no, no, actually, no, I never stumbled across them. And then, funny enough, a few years later, my parents just subscribed to the Playboy channel. So that was No V-chip in sight, fellas. Well, Eric, we want to be able to tell our friends we get all the channels. And if we don't have the Playboy channel, that's not all the channels, son.

We talk about all the things that kids are missing out on. You will never know what it was like for your only source of pornography to be a fuzzy spice channel. Just scrambled pornography, dude. Hell on earth. Yep. Trying to get through puberty with that shit. Scramble rollerball, man.

Just like, is that as a devil? No, okay. I see it now. All right. He's on the motorcycle. Got it. Oh, but the tits are out for some reason. There's tits everywhere. What the hell? Did Jonathan score? Does a guy named Tann score? I can't tell. So, yeah, they're up early and then, like, you know, it's just, it's roller ball. It's like, you know, you're out of motorcycle or you're not.

And again, like, it is, it's really inconceit. Even Paul Heyman is like, yeah, the rules of roller balls, you got to go around twice. You know what? Forget him. Dude, that is a thing that where he's like, you got to go through the rabbit hole and over the blebitty blop and a. I was like, you know what? The original movie did not have some asshole explaining asinine rules to a fake game. But it's like, like the first one is so much better because it's not as like, this is like mouse trap. It's like the guys like, all right now don't wake daddy. Okay. And now roll the dice.

Oh, there comes down the trap. Oh, hit the candle. Hit the band. Here it goes. It reminds me way more of like, because of the theatricality of it too, which is something that McTiernan wanted more of. because he was just like get that social commentary out of here more theatrics. It just comes off

like American Gladiators. Yes. It's got a real American Gladiators vibe which is not good. Which also like, and this is the weirdest part about this movie. American Gladiators is you know, for the most part. It was real but it was sort of like, again, sports entertainment, not unlike wrestling. Why wouldn't you just

fake the funk and that's it? You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't understand. But like so the first incident that sets this movie in motion is Toba we see him he loses his helmet he's a big bruiser dude

he loses this big devil helmet and he's trying to pick it up and as he does some dude just grabs the roller ball and smashes him in the face with it nice just this big like folks at home if you haven't seen the movie

picture your favorite beach sport bachi ball of course it's like a metallic botchy ball getting smashed into your face while someone's running a motorcycle past you. Which is to say he is dead. He has passed from this earth. Yeah, the dude is dead. Not enough on this dude like being dead by the way. No, exactly. It's unclear and everyone's like, oh no. And like,

I don't understand. The weird part is that we have this. You see like all the ins and outs of Rollerball. We're getting into the broadcast studio. The ratings go up after it happens. And I don't understand how that makes any sense. Because again, This is pre-social media. Because they like blood. I'm calling out.

I'm calling all my friends. They just killed someone. Again, like the next match would have huge ratings. Oh, dude, that guy got killed on Rollerball. I want to see if they kill another fat guy. Zdrasvlittia, Lugash. Yeah, it's Ivan.

Someone's getting fucked up on Rollerball, man. You have to tell the town square. Everybody turn on television. Satellite coordinates. A 110.75. a 48.6.2. We'll tell Little Pervert in upstate New York about the rollerball

violence. The closest I ever got to was sumo wrestling. Oh, really? Like a live match was happening? I don't know if it was live to pre-taped. But yeah, but it was cool. That's pretty cool. But he's dead. The ratings are going through the roof because somehow telepathically people know that this is happening. And it's amazing, Steve, because

so much of this movie relies on that like being believable. Like, that ratings meter is the barometer for like why they keep like amping up the crookedness of it? Yes, yes. And none of that makes any sense. Again, it would be it would be cumulative. It's like

oh man, what don't they do like next week on the roller ball? The ratings would double. Then the next week the ratings would triple. That makes sense. Sure, but they're all they're hinging on this North American deal to have it played in America or whatever. Where the Nashville network? Where are we going here?

Who the fuck knows? ESPN 3. definitely. You can't just start making it a murder show. Yes, exactly. When you're trying to get it in the door in America. Oh, you know, the CW is taking this one. They, you know what? They don't have a hit. I mean, it's the Wayans brothers and that's about it at the time. So they need a sport and like this would do it. Well, yeah, I mean, I was going to say commentary at the time would be Fox, but that'd be like 10 years earlier, man. Yeah. I mean, I mean, the whole, I don't understand like what, like you said, I don't think it's. supposed to be making sense. Sure. It's just supposed to be him like, all we care about now is raiding. Which I mean, I guess means we care about how many people see it, which we shouldn't.

We shouldn't care how many people see our movie. The movie doesn't care. You shouldn't care. It's 98 minutes. Let's get on with our lives. It's the vibe I got from this movie. But the weirdest part about the whole thing is so in this match, this happens. And then another match, it happens again, but it's also

it's always against other the red devils, the red horsemen. I think they're the horsemen, the horsemen, the Kazakhs. Very nice. I don't understand why, and especially John Rner owns the horsemen. And then they fight the golden horde.

Is that twice? They put them? The beginning and the end. Why do that twice? Do another city. Exactly. I mean, well, the first one was cities.

Now it's countries, I guess. I don't know. The Mongolia team is different, but they're like a blue, I think. They're blue and gold or whatever and there in red and black and it's just like

I need more than two teams if you're trying to sell this as a sport. Yes. But why are the horsemen not in on it? If everyone else is in on it, then be like, oh yeah, the way this is going to go is, oh, they fucked up to October last night. Tomorrow you're going to go.

That guy's helmet's going to go off and you're going to hit him in the head. Right. Because that would make more sense. He's like the president of the entire network thing we're doing here and he owns the Kazak Horsman or whatever the fuck. Why wouldn't he

be crooked with them instead of being crooked with the whore? It appears as if the horseman here, the Kazakhstan horseman, I'm coming after you a horseman. It's the only team in this league that has imported American players.

Okay. And I think there might be some we might be saying something here about like all these like central Asians and Eastern Europeans that are in this league. or whatever, are kind of cool with the crookedness. But, uh-oh, that Chris Klein, he might start, you know, darken on us. Exactly. We do get like, you know, the League of Nations here

where there's a player from the Netherlands, the Philippines. Yes. I think there's a German, there's a Russian, obviously. They're all over the place. They win the match, even though our beloved Toba is dead. So we watched, I got the side of Amazon, it's the PG-13 version. There was a lot of titties in my movie. A lot of tits.

I rented it on Apple and the nudity was there. Yeah, I saw it on Amazon too. Apparently, they darkened scenes like the one where Rebecca Romay has her top off. You can make it out. But apparently in the original cut that was originally screened, it was brightly lit. I love that idea of like Kubrick blocks everything sensitively. Victorians like, darker, darker, darker, make it less light. That's all you got to do.

A lot of vibes of Verhoven here and the co-ed locker rooms with like Robocop and Starship Troopers. And I'm going to say, though, here's the thing. The original, you are seeing big juicy cocks all over this fucking locker room scene. Not a dick to be found in this movie. A lot of man ass and some some breastacist.

Right. The first, yeah, I forgot that the first does have like the co-ed as well. Yes. Yeah, okay. No, I think it's only men. I think it's dudes. But like those dudes are showering. And, like, James Con's talking to the team owner and there's just dicks behind him everywhere.

Dix and ass everywhere. And they're, like, you at least, like, the one character that does, falls the fate of Toba is Moon Pie. Yes. And you actually sort of get to know that character. And I guess. There's a connection to James Con, they're friends. I guess they're trying to do with LL Cool, Kool-J. Yes, but like, we will get to the night vision shit when we get to the night vision shit.

Kind of the better part of the movie. It is because it's something only, like, you would have to. to direct diehard to ask for something like that and be like yeah the the big climactic death like his best friend all in night vision how about that it's like sacario it's like 20 minutes a night vision you know what after after watching so much this movie i was like oh my god a little fucking style a little something i get it flash uh one that was like an accident kind of thing because they filmed all of it in the dark and they were like oh we can't see this and so it's fake night vision not even like real light vision. It's a fake

thing. And this, I'll say it now. Why I've never seen this movie until today when it came out note two, I was a projectionist and I, the week that it was coming out, I was assigned to make up the print to get ready for the next day of the, of the, of the fucking armies of people that were coming from all, of course.

And so I'm putting it together and you're going through the reels and everything and you're splicing one reel to the next and I all of a sudden get to this part where it's just frames of green through the whole. And I was like, what the fuck is this? And I took the reel off and I put it a table like a light table and I got the magnifying glass and looked down and I was like

oh all of this is night vision and I like kept going through the reel and I was like it's still green and finally I was just like this will drive me crazy I'll never see this one. You know what? No, we finally found Harmi Karin's influence. Inspiration for Agro Drift.

Finally we figured it out. That's true. It's Roller Ball 2000. Better movie than this. It would have to be. And also that fucking bullshit. The Migraine the movie. Speaking of the fucking scrambled pornography, that's what this movie looks like to me,

that movie, the Harmony Crin movie. Totally. But like that shit, while disgusting and awful on the eye is way easier to watch than this 15 minute night vision shit later. I mean,

agro drift for all of it. I mean, it's stupid, but, and that's kind of the point. Yeah. And it's funny. It's a funny,

stupid little thing. It knows what it's doing. This is trying to be a movie, which you're not a movie. Major. mistake trying to make a rollerball remake be a real movie. I mean, we got so like we go to a

sect, a sec, Kazakhstan sex club. Well, of course, I mean, dude, if I'm Chris Clyde, I'm like, well, I'm going to do sex tourism. Yeah, yeah. What else am I doing here? That's one of the things that L.L. kind of sells him on back in San Francisco. He's like, and the girls love Americans

over there. Yeah, even a goofy white guy like you could get laid over there. I mean, he's a fucking underwear model. Like, I know, and L. Hulch is a really looking to do it too so it's all fine but like yeah it's he's not a goofy looking white too he's an underwear now look look i'm not saying you have to do this but if you're so inclined you can purchase a woman if if you if you want to i'm not saying that's necessarily you might like to date him and marry him norm but if you want to pay hard cash for a woman you can do it because

ridley goes up to these two ladies like oh we love you so much ridley oh they don't speak english he's like that's just the way i like it oh yeah i You don't understand a word I'm saying. Yeah, that's kind of dark now that I think about it. You know, I have no idea if she's saying no, and that's fun. You're not allowed to leave. How about that? I bought you.

I don't understand how to read date a birth in this country, so we're all set. But, oh, wait, it's all backwards. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you're putting the days and then the month? That's fucking insane. Why do the numbers look like little houses? What's that? Meanwhile, Denny, our good friend, Denny, local boy Denny, who worked his way up from the mines,

as Paul Hammond tells us numerous times. We need more time with the minds. Do we ever need more times with this? It's not even underbaked. You haven't put this shit in the fucking oven. The only thing we have is this is one guy, like the lead mine guy who looks like the Phil Hartman's caveman lawyer character.

and like he's at the sex club too and he's like shot shots shots and like the guy tries to you disrespect me I make so much more than you now we're mine friends forever they take a shot like now we know this guy loves Denny he's a very recognizable face because you look you know what he looks like dude honestly he's got a little bit of a George Buckflower thing going up yeah crazy drunk roller ballers but he's going to be incredibly important throughout the film incredibly important

you'll be surprised but he is but someone brings Tobus helmet they're like look his chin strap was cut I think this might be Danny's like look Chris Klein you are the one who makes you make a hundred times more than I do

which is kind of fucked up but it's kind of weird I mean like well because I feel it's like all right little mine guy yeah you know you should be happy with whatever pittance we're throwing at you. But these are the Americans. They need to make the big box.

They need to drive sports cars at each other. Oh, yeah. And you got to please the gambling syndicates. What's that? Who cares? Yeah, totally, dude. Oh, look at that. They're counting money. Oh, like the gambling

syndicates of this movie. It makes as much sense as the fucking guild navigators. Like, why don't you just call them that? Because there's no gambling syndicate in this movie. No one has explained. Well, we have gambling syndicates now. We've got a draft king, Bet Fair Casino. Do we ever? Both are

no longer sponsors on this show. Thank God for that. That's right. We said no. We're good. We did do it draft kings. That was really neat. That was back when it was like really more about it was just about fantasy stuff. Not

hardcore gambling. Right. Yeah. So that was also back when we only had listeners and Kazakhstan. So we thought we weren't harming anyone. Huge of Mongolia. But he goes up, he, Chris Klein decides to take this to Jean Renaud, who's Petrovich. And, you know, real lame thing here, like, he's having what appears to be a pretty cool backroom party. Sure.

But essentially what's going on here is, like, you're at an after work party with your boss. Yeah. It's like Lauren showing up to the after party on S&L, which I know he does. And I could just always be like, get out of here. I don't fucking party with you. Get the fuck out of here. You're the boss, man. You want to do a couple of rails or what?

Would you like to meet a, this is an investor. His name is Dirt Cannon. Would you like to, Mr. Cannon, Dirt is his name. Dirtisky is the full name. Yeah, but he goes to him and he's like, hey, he's like, hey, look, pretty sure the chin strap was cut. Yeah. Pretty sure that chin strap was cut.

What are you going to do about this? Who gives us shit? It's a murder sport. Yeah, exactly. Welcome to the murder sport. I mean, I read Ebert's review and I think he made some good points. He was like, I don't see what the final round was different from the other matches. No.

Yeah, exactly. I mean, I guess they're cool with them using the sharpened scooper thing. Sure. Yeah. It's like a thing you see people, the parks department used to pick up like errant dog shit that's around. To make that like the end fight be no rules, someone

needs to be punished for Tobo. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Like, we need to actually act like this is an actual sport. Oh, you killed somebody in cold blood on the match. You're suspended for 10 games or whatever. Yes. I do love. Full pay, though. Oh, sure. Yeah.

There's a great moment where like Jean Renaud is so thrilled to see him in this back room. He's kissing his ass being a piece of shit. And he's like, oh, let me introduce you to some people. And there is, it is one of the funniest, unintentionally funniest parts of this movie.

When he's like, oh, yes, let me introduce you to so-and-so. He's from Montana. You know, so he's like out there. That's Dirt Cannon. Oh, what? That's Dirt Cannon. His name is Dirt. Cairn. Oh, I thought you were jerking. Cannon. His actual name. This dude who were told this from Montana is like,

hello, Jonathan, nice. I was like, take two on whatever that was supposed to be. No. There's a big hockey head, too, man. It's a big, big dude. Oh, yeah. Big fucker. Yeah. So, Jean Renaud, yes, he's pretending to, yes, I'll look right

into this. Thank you. Thank you for bringing this to me. Thank you so much for bringing this to me. Okay. Then Chris Klein sneaks off. Earlier in the movie like Rebecca Romaine like rebuffs the advances of somebody and then I think Oh, Rabbit. This is the little Frenchman that comes in. Yes. He comes to nothing.

But she rebuffs his advances. And then Chris Klein's like, you know, I heard she's a lesbian actually. So I would leave her alone. Someone screams something across the locker. And he's like, I don't know what he just said. And Chris Klein's like, you know, I think it was something about her playing for the home team. Know what I mean, man?

You get it? You get that? Kind of like a Seinfeld joke from seven years ago. Either look like John Stamos or Jerry O'Connell or nothing's going to happen, dude. Like literally, literally, dude, that's it. That's all it takes. Either of those couplings, by the way, sweet fucking time. Absolutely.

God damn, just a... I'll take it in this movie, too. But they have some... They go back... He goes back to the locker room. This is after a weird thing that we get a little more of like him, like, inequality kind of thing and like what's going on? What is it?

Because he's got a security detail. There's a detail that's following him and he's like, he's looking around and he sees all like, you know, poverty-stricken areas and whatever. And he's like, why do people in this country bet their asses on rollerball if they have no money, basically? This guy's like, yes, we call that Atlantic City Syndrome around here. And like this other dude is just kind of like, quiet.

Like kind of setting up, I guess that like Jean Renaud and whomever are always listening to them. But you don't really get that confirmation. So it doesn't make sense that this driver tells him to shut up. We need to amp up this like the sinister nature of Jean Renault. Yes. Make them wiretept at all. Make it more explicit. I know there's scenes where like Rebecca.

where Ramay is like, don't take the cell phone. They can track you, this, that, and the other thing. Right. But really lay the groundwork. There's all this shit. I mean, we're about to get into it about her friend, Sergey, which I imagine we got deleted scenes of Raid Sarbanesia somewhere. Ooh, I would love that. I imagine that's what's going on. And then release the Ray's Zerbeja cut. And like he is the, like, he's going to like blow the whistle on all this stuff.

And like, there's a whole scene where they're like, we, they found him on the border. his throat cut and his eyes his mouth sewn shut and I'm like wow that would have been great to see yeah that would have been nice to see right now what if we told you instead of show wouldn't you like that by the way speaking of told things

there's a press thing thank God I looked at my notes for a second I would have forgotten that one of the press people ask LL Cool J. Oh my God yes is it true that your mother's a crack whore and he's like no she's a pediatrician and then like it's kind of funny because like in the translation they're like yes it's true kind of a thing yeah because he says like there's a person who asks in russian or whatever a question

and the woman says he asks is your is a true your mother's a crack whore and he's yeah he says the pediatrician line and he's like is that what he just said to you no tell him no yeah and then she says yes it's true and you see the subtitle yes because we're just playing up that which is it right that's sort of interesting you know what I mean they're playing these people like fucking fiddles. They're feeding them with sports car and high salaries and all this stuff. But yet there's this like a totally bogus perception

at least about L.L. Cool Juh. We don't hear any phony belloniness. Well, I guess that he was the next Wayne Gratz. Well, you know, I mean, we're being a little racist. We should. I mean, we're on race, of course. I mean, it's the horror of international press tours, which I imagine are just a nightmare.

But you can ask about all sorts of crack horrors left and right. We go to the locker room and we just start fucking. And she's naked in this movie and again I was like what cut am I watching I don't know maybe it's because my TV is better than what used to be or whatever they didn't show Chris

Klein's member so I can tell you which cut exactly on or Rebecca wait wait wow he's really circumcised two three five aspect ratio on that cock she has and it's kind of

amazing because he just fucks Rebecca Romaine holy shit right and then he's like why you always hide your face she's got like the lightest of scars that like it's like some of the it's like she went to a fair during the day and like had like a fun butterfly

and it kind of flecked away that's what it looks like it kind of worked for me of course it did give her a main you can give her the biggest scar imaginable like a battle axe hitter in the face and you'd still work for you and it'd be fine but at least then it would show the actual

dangers of the sport versus this little Nick It's great because she's like They're like They're like cuddling or whatever He's like you know Your face isn't as bad as you think it is It's just like really like

Not what you're self-conscious For no fucking reason stupid Oh gee thanks I mean your face is bad But it's not as bad as you think They should call you butterface When you go out there You should go out there like the unknown comment

I've heard I've heard them say you're a six And I'm telling you you're an eight honey Okay I want you to know that By the way When are we going to have sex in a bed. All this locker room sauna sex is bad for my back. Boo-hoo. Exactly. Yep. Yep. Really. Cry me the river. You overpaid,

banging a supermodel piece of shit. But she's like, no, I don't want anyone to know about us because that could be used against us or whatever. By the way, let's go see my friends. She's like, oh, you know, she has the footage. We're like a security footage. Yeah. We have the, we watch the toba death like the fucking the Supruder film it's a real back to the left thing because it's like look what do you see here and she doesn't slow

is like I don't know Tobah getting hit it's like you notice that the camera is there when he's doing nothing before you know why would the car is one camera that's following all the action and then every other camera is focused on toba doing nothing 15 seconds before the accident

happened so he's like well who told him to do that let's go to my friend The medicine man. What do you think? Sean Rano. Let's go to my friend Sergei's house.

This is what I have to start playing my favorite game in movies is what time is it? Because the roller bowl happens. Big night event. You know it's a big night event. It is. It wasn't a matinee game.

The lights are out. Unless this is fucking Alaska. It's at least after 6 p.m. And then we go to the sex club for however. A couple of brew dogs. At least a couple of broodgs. We have to have that meeting with Jean-Rennau. So that's at least two hours.

I come back. I fuck Rebecca Romaine. We watch a video. That's four minutes. Chris Klein, not in any foreplay. That's four minutes. With the video 15 minutes. And then like it's there's a night, a 4 a.m. demonstration going on. Well, that's that's how you, the sneak attack, dude. You want to protest those mining conditions. You do it at 4 o'clock in the morning when the police are now. It's so bizarre that there's a protest that they come across about the mine. And I'm like, what the fuck time? is it? Right. They burn his car. I do love that. Someone just sets his car on fire because she's like, oh, there's like an explosion that happens and she's like

get out of the car and come this way and he's like, what, why, what's happening? And then some dude is just like, I am a little guy. She sets the car on fire. It's fucking rules. Yeah, there's a line. Oh, it's John Renaud's car. It's not your car. Oh, yeah, Petrovich will have another one

for you by morning. I'm starting to think that Jean Reno, he's dirty. I don't know about you, Rebecca Romaine. I could, I could never go back to America. They might have caught me skateboarding. I got to pay a $70 fine. Oh, fucking hell.

You should have killed that kid. And he, they go into Sergei's room. What is the line here? She's got something about, because Sergey lives in like some sort of public housing. Sure. And she's like, I don't understand this at all. Yada yada.

They sold off the building, but they did. didn't sell the hallways? And he's like, yeah, I can tell. Well, I'd be like, um, hi, I did buy the hallways with the building. I didn't know that. Separate pricing you got there, sir. You got to read the contract very clearly.

It says, uh, hallways, mine. You get, you get five hallways with it. You pay for each one after. Uh, but there's some other dude there and Chris Klein kicks the shit out of this guy. Cause that guy like kind of goes to attack him or whatever. Yeah, he might have been. the guy that killed Sergey

or whatever. It might be a cop. Oh, wow. I might be a sleep. We go on the plane for the next day. This is still, no, this continues to what time is it? Because it's still fucking dark out.

They get to this air strip or whatever. It's like, all right, get on the jet. It's like the yo-yo team get put the van on that Simpsons. Get the fucking jet. Get everybody in the fucking jet. This is actually making me like, Did we ever see daytime? I know in San Francisco, but is there a good question?

Well, of course, in Central Asia, the sun never shines. Right, because this is everything that we all know. The vampires live there. Yes, that's what drove me crazy. Transylvania. No, the guy, so there's like, what do you call it there? Jean Reno has like a heavy number two, not Vivian Andries, this old white guy. Oh, yes.

And I was like, where's that guy from? He's from Tommy Boy. It's got to be on the box. The guarantee is on the box Way that guy saying I'm here I don't always take care of you That's him is you wearing a wig I guess so

Because he's bald I think in Tommy Boy I believe so I almost went He's still alive but this was 2000 We're making this movie Tommy Boy Maybe it's not the exact same He is in Tommy Boy He's playing Archer and Tommy Boy Maybe I'm thinking

I don't know Sorry folks Oh now I'm looking it up I got it yeah Okay, I'll buy from you. That's what? You could sell a roller ball to a woman with white gloves. Catch a popsicle.

Oh, no, he's a scumbag guy at the plant. We're all screwed. Yeah, I think that's him. Yeah, because it's not the guy I was thinking of apologies. Yeah, I think it's this guy. Yeah. David Hemblen. Yeah.

He's also in the Marvel animated universe. Oh, wow. It's expanding yet again. Yeah, dude. Oh, he plays Wait a second. Is he plays a corpse in a pine box. Wait a fucking second. Is he dead? Yes, he is actually. Of course.

Possible COVID death November 16th, 2020, but this guy voiced Magneto on X-Men 92. Oh, really? Wow. I had no idea. Speaking of, we're doing a little side show called Too Old for this shit. You can get X-Men 92 Night of the Sentinels on our free feed. But we are recapping X-Men 97 every week or... Sort of every week.

We're recapping X-Men 97. Every other week-ish. Every other weekish. Every episode will be covered. That's our episode date drops are all on WHMpodcast.com. Go to Too Old for the Shits page. All of the release dates are right there because it's not an every week thing, but oh, yes, we are recapping the first season of that.

Hell yeah. So we get on this guy, this guy is on to him. He's like, oh, whatever. to your car and it's like oh i left it by accident he's like did you follow me last night it's like of course they did what are you doing you've been at this for four months now do you know what my name is don't be so goddamn naive you're not just self-important you're actually important love that he does go up to l cool jay who does say uh i'm just going to count the money and close my eyes yeah basically l l cool jays like just play the game no matter how crooked it gets

That would be me all over, by the way. If it gets too sick, we walk. But we do have this away game. I believe if the map was accurate at all, we're in Azerbaijan for this away game here. So this is where they're doing the meat and greed. Everybody's coming to the stadium in Azerbaijan. This is Shane McMahon.

Oh, shaking hands with Jean-Renau. While Rob Zombies feel so numb, be blaring. blaring in this movie. Where you're seeing so much money is being couched. Of course. And you understand everything that's happening. And the ratings again are piddly shit at the beginning.

And then nobody loves the Azerbaijan chorus dude. It's a very boring course. Nobody likes watching the people want to go to Rainbow Road in Mongolia. I'm going to wait 15 minutes before those, you know, get rid of those bullshit national anthems. Let's get right to the ice. Dude, to popular

demand. I always love that Simpsons. We will forgo the national anthem. Let's get Zombie to do the theme song for the show, like the John Tesh doing the thing for basketball. Wasn't it John Tesh? It was John Tesh to do the basketball song. Oh, da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Oh, yes, I forgot. That's a weird, that's a fucking bar trivia trivia thing. Oh, yeah. But get Rob Zombie to do your theme. Roll the ball! Roll the ball! I'd prefer the John Tesh. Okay, fine, it's fine.

That's understandable. Is this a thing that you see Moon Pye doing in the original movie? Because L.O. Cool J. We're getting ready to start this game. He's just got a big stogi just out on the course. Yeah. He's got like the bravado in that movie. I love the Stogi.

Yeah, like, I'm like, yeah, I saw any given Sunday, too. Oliver Stone, you are not. Well, they made a sequel to that? They did. It's this. What is the violent incident here? It's, again, it is against the Red Devil, the Red Horseman. somebody else gets

Oh no this is where So yeah they notice the ratings are lacking This is after Jean Renaud has chewed out this local Azerbaijanian Television mogul Because he's like what channel are we on He's like 109 and he starts flipping out

He's like we are channel one through five On your shitty country's television You ungrateful Cretan I will disappear your whole family Yes yes and then later on we get some talk about how Jean Renaud was, like, in the special... KGB, yeah. Super KGB.

Yeah. Yeah, like, what is it like, if a cage, what does they say? If a KGB general saw this dude on the street, he crossed to the other side. Exactly. That's what a badass. He will kill you. You will kill you the real way. Like, not the fake way that happens all the time.

So this, the, the fuckery here is like, uh-oh. Azerbaijan course, everybody hates it, low-rated game. Yeah. Not a lot of TV's there, maybe. I don't know what's going on. They're fucking pissed off. possible to get red shells on that fucking impossible. They do

a few weeks later they retell it with puppets and shadow he there's a signal like Neveen Andrews called somebody you see a dude go down and he tamperes with the unscrews part of the glass oh yeah so when someone

hits it the tension isn't there and it gives way and they smash through onto people yeah by the way uh-huh I was like, woo-hoo, that's awesome. Roller ball rules, my father got killed here. My throat's been cut.

I love roller balls. I do like Jean Reno and Nevin Andrews laughing after that dressing down that he gives that guy. They're like, we are so evil. Is this where someone messes with her bike and they're trying to kill her now? That's the next match. Yeah. When they, because, well, you know what's happening in the eyes are by John, by the way? What's that?

Get ready for... Is that Slip Knot? Two bass drums because Slip Knot is in the house. Oh my. Did everybody read the thing with this? They're not in the movie. No. What?

No, I saw them in the movie. Don't tell me it didn't happen. It's just footage from them someplace else put in the movie. That's still in the movie. But they didn't film for the movie. It's a previously recorded performance. So that's why it looked good. I feel like, you know, there's like a certain kind of fat kid.

I might have been this fact kid. It's like, oh, please. You want to see Rollerball? No, it sounds lame. Slip knots in it. Well. Wow. Did you go in theaters for this four stuff?

I did not. I never saw this movie until last night. I don't think I saw. I don't know. I probably saw it at some point, but I don't think in the theater. I feel like you would have remembered seeing such a classic film as this. You say that, but. Well, either this or silence of the lambs because a lot of it is in Night Vision.

No, I don't want to go. They're not really in the movie, you know. It was a film before. There was a show in Baltimore. Yeah, the Baltimore tape, which I do have and I'm watching tonight anyway. It's really good quality. There's nothing better than Slipknot bootlegs. We traded amongst ourselves.

Clarity is amazing. Me and four other guys just trade and slip knot tapes. They're still doing it, right? Oh, yeah, baby. They just, like, unceremoniously kicked out a drummer or some shit. I saw. They got drum as despair. Don't worry about it. This dude, this motherfucker was like shit, man. It was like my dream playing in Slipknot. I don't know what I did to these people. Oh, wow. And he got, I forget, he just got hired. Sexual assault allegations?

No, I don't think so. No. And he, he just got hired to drum for some big band. Yeah. I can't remember who. But I was like, listen, fella. I'm sure you were bumming about that trade up from Slip. You know, wearing a mask. You know, just like a fucking pig. It is just, and I know people like it, man. It's just my ear don't react to kindly to that kind of music. I've never liked the single one. The masks ain't helping it. I'll tell you that. Look, if you were helping it for me,

their help the masks are helping it. I thought they might. I thought you would be really into it. But the music is not for me. I mean, they rule over Iowa with the fucking iron fist. They can, they probably are bigger than the actual legislature.

That explains the problems that we're going through right now. Dude, actually, if we did, or in Mandalorian season four, if there's a Mandalorian band, and it's Slipknot and they're all wearing Mandalorian helmets

because it's the masks, right? Yeah, that would rule. That would be amazing. Best season since the first one. Yeah, I would have... Stay away from those guys over there. They're ridiculous. I will finally have to open my wrists.

Those guys smell weird even though they're Mandalorians. So the pushing someone through the glass does not work and the ratings slide and this is a very funny Jean-Renau yelling I want solutions and slapping Nevin-Anders in the face. Just start throwing grenades on the course

Just fuck it, somebody die! And it's got to be one of those moments. If you're this character that Naveen Andrews is playing and you're just like, the money's great. I enjoy being crooked and all. But I just got slapped in the face by my boss in public. Yeah, but that's the trade-off.

That's when you do it in sex tourism like that, it's just... Also, Andrew, once the North American deal goes through, he's going to be a god amongst men. Oh, right. That's true. So just suck it up. Suck it up, Sanjay, just suck it up. Once that North American tech cable deal goes through with Spike TV or whatever the fuck.

Oh, man. Spike after dark. Oh, yeah, definitely. Well, because that's the thing, right? If you're airing this live, yeah, oh, it's like 11 a.m. Tuesday, you know, like. Right. It's like watching fucking soccer in this country. Oh, dude, imagine, though, we're like, there'd be bars throughout the city opening up earlier

because, oh, shit, rolling balls on this week. We're going to open the bar early. People are going to come to the match. I would prefer to watch roller ball versus any football American or otherwise. Did you, oh man, did you hear Pennsylvania is going up against real Pennsylvania. Can you wait? This is going to be incredible. So I think still in this Azerbaijan match, like the games going on, the team brings in like

some big, you know, pipe hitting motherfucker off the bench. And this is where her gas line gets cut. This is, this is what's Bynarski, whatever. Bynarski's the one that they do. Yes, he's like the, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like the ringer to come in and he's like, he literally, he knocks her off her motorcycle. He's like, here you go little lady, but he cuts her gas line and in doing so. Like there's a trail of a gas that's going. She, she drives off. L.L. sees what's going on and tries to speed up.

Bynarski throws down like a cigarette or fucking cigar or something. Maybe it was L.O. Cool J. Cigar. possibly and drops it on the gas and the fire starts chasing her and he this is kind of something if it wasn't executed entirely with awful early 21st century CGI we'd be in a much better place if this

was a practical stunt but he grabs her off the motorcycle at the last second the motorcycle goes flying and then he is this where he flips over the side and he gets burned a little bit which is probably the most exciting moment in the film outside of the start

in San Francisco and so he's getting carded. And slip. Of course. Rividing. He's getting carted off in an ambulance here. And this is where he says, I think he says it to Chris Klein. He's like, we're out of here. We're done with this. We're out of here. Like, they just tried to kill her. Like, we're done. And in his

Jean-Renault visits his hospital room. And we're all lovey-dovey happy. He's like, oh, I feel like Freddie Kruger. Ha, ha, ha, ha. It takes a really long way for your brain to get around to the fact that he's making a burn joke? Yes, it took me a long time. I was like, what? You're haunting kids in their dreams? What are you talking about? No, I just

molested kids and I got away with it. Oh. Oh, okay. What with being here in Azerbaijan? But so, yeah, once he leaves. I just like the idea of haunting kids in their dreams there, but they have no idea what you're saying because you

speak English and you don't speak their language. Welcome to prime time, bitch. Stop! What? Yeah, they don't know what's happening. And it's just like, it's also like nice, a little cool jays. Like, ooh, I'm scary. It's like, I know you're not. You seem like a pretty nice guy.

I don't know. Yeah, so this is, he's like, Jonathan here asks again, like, hey man, what is going on with all this crooked shit? And he's freaks out. And he's like, I made you an international superstar and you're ungrateful and blah, blah, blah. They leave. This is, it is a really, I didn't think I was going to be this. affected by this line that genre

has, but he tells Magneto voice guy he's like, I want you to follow them. If they take a shit, I want to know what it smells like. Oh, yeah.

So you want that in a full page report? It smells like human feces. That's the report. Can I just leave you a message on your phone? Write it up.

I don't know what to... Yeah, you took a shit. It smells like shit. Yeah. Peanuts in there still warm. Sweeter than usual. here comes Rebecca Romaine dressed in a burqa that's just a lot of

and the other guy other big Russian dude is like pretending to push a cart or something I love this because they're clearly setting up a scheme for them to sneak out of the hospital which you don't see happen like Rebecca Romaine is like listen you know we can't come with you like Lugash or whatever Danny he's got family

I've got my mother to take care of like we just can't bounce but you guys got to get to the Russian border. Fastest way is this way. And like the whole time Denny is like altering this cart and getting clothes out. And I was like, ooh, a little bit of a scheme. This is interesting. It literally just cuts to them. They've already made the escape.

They're driving. We did it. I guess one of the last times you'd see a United States athlete rushing to the Russian border. No kidding. Peace help. Oh, I forgot. This is it. we're in the hospital cut

we're in a car and the night vision is on. And I was just I was stunned because you can't just like the way night vision has to be set up is some character even like I think even in Secario it's not even like a main character just they put on night vision goggles and now

we're kind of we now understand that's a movie. Yes. Language to it. They're actually explaining themselves. Buffalo Bill's got the fucking goggles. All right. That's why he can see Jody Foster. John, this was why I said with all of the nudity,

you just can't keep saying darker. It's going to get us into trouble. Okay? This is really, this has to be night vision now. This is all night vision. I guess what I kind of like about, even though it doesn't really work, is it's like, that's how remote we are. You can't see anything whatsoever. It's just

like, you're in your country. Sure. Maybe you're not do, I forget if they have the headlight on the bike or not, but you're not trying to be noticed as well. That's right. First or to truck. And, but Yeah. Oh, yes, the truck. By the way, Night Vision, not the bad, I mean, both Sicario and Salas Alam's, not great for dialogue.

I was just going to say, yes, exactly. Like, Night Vision is for spying on people or looking into hidden places that you're about to break into or whatever. Not just Chris Klein and L.L. Talking in a car about getting to the, there's so much just conversation. Then they're on the motorcycle. They pull a thing. It's like, oh, remember, what the fuck is the guy? Remember how someone so died?

It was like, it's like Schmitty or something. Tiny Schmitty or something like that. They're like, you know, what happened to that guy? And he, oh yeah, this is what it is. Remember Squeak Harris? Yeah. Remember how he died? No.

This is, like, no, tell me anything about this. It's not the friends of Eddie Coil. There's nobody named Squeak, whatever the fuck. Come on. I'm pretty sure he's Squeak Harris. And they fucking do a 180 with the truck. And the two of them jump out the back on a motorcycle and their race off into the night. And again,

there is just so much Chris Klein holding on the LL Cool J talking in his ear while they just have a totally normal conversation all in night vision. It's kind of funny in a way because it's just like, like how fast are we going? Like, oh, I can't, it's 120 and it's in clicks.

Yeah. What? That's in miles per hour. Whoa. This bike's not meant for the dirt road or whatever. And then it's just like, oh shit, there's another light coming. and it's gaining us fast. What are they driving?

And I thought it was pretty funny that it turned out to be an airplane chasing them. Look out, it's a computer plane. Yeah, you can't see shit in the scene. This is the best part of the movie. It is. By leaps and bounce. Because there is a basic tension to it,

the basic tension being, when will this end? When will the night vision stop? When can I stop looking at it? When can I stop destroying my vision looking at this? Is this still going on after 10 minutes? Remind me. we don't get back to Rollerball. I'm happy.

They wind up going on a bridge, like driving away, getting on a bridge. Well, yes, there's a bridge that starts to go up. Yes. And they're, for no reason. Yes. They're totally stuck there. Other than bike stunt. But then across the river is Shonda and Magneto. Oh, yes. Are they in nightfish? No, they're not across the river. They're still on the same side. I can't tell where anything is they're up a bit.

They're up on a thing. Because what happens is Chris Klein terrible line. He goes, uh, Because he's like, oh, LL's like, now we're driving off road or whatever. And Chris Klein's like, looks like they've got an off-road plane. And I was like, what? And the plane, after he says this, the plane literally stops and a fucking Jeep comes out the back of it. And that's got Jean Renaud. That's got Magneto voice guy with this sniper rifle.

Are they in Night Vision as well? Yes. It never breaks. It never breaks. It never breaks. The plane looks like, you know, in earlier versions of Zelda when you're, before you got the compass and you just had the map the map in certain areas would

light up and you wouldn't know the full shape of it. That's what this plane is. I'm like is it a fucking starship? I have no idea what this thing looks like. It's yeah, it's big enough at least to have a Jeep in the back of it. It was a cargo. Yeah, yeah. And so yeah, so they wind up driving up like

on a ridge and it's, they're still behind them and Jean Renaud's like oh no, let let them go. I want to see if they make the jump. Because because Magneto Voice guy shoots them and they... A sniper rifle. At this point, Chris Klein falls off.

And then he's just like, just go, go to the American consulate. They'll get me out by morning. You have a family that we sort of have heard about for two seconds. So you go, whatever. So he's going to go. And then Jean Reno's like, wait, wait, wait. I want to see if he makes the jump. Yes.

He makes the jump. And then it's like, okay, you can shoot him now. So the biggest stud and the most climactic death. Yes. All in night. Yes. And then when he is shot, if you see him, Only from a distance, he is shot off the bike, falls down.

I think that's a rap on L.O. Cool J. John Renau has the line, like, make sure those border guards are tipped well. Yes, you got to tip them generously or whatever. There's a, that old show dinner for five, which was a fun IFC show. Oh, yeah. Explain it for the kids. Where Jean Favro would take people out to dinner and, like, they would talk about movie stuff. Wait, they're going to restaurants?

I think they're at a restaurant. It was a closed restaurant. I thought Favro was cooking for these. No, no. I think it was always at the same place. This was pre-chef. This was before that really comes into the shore. I couldn't make it five minutes into that movie.

It's tough. That one is a tough one. Is that right? I was just five minutes in and I was like, oh, I was like, what fucking moron press play on this? Making an indie movie is kind of like having a food truck. So would you like to have some of my Cubano? I don't know. Maybe it's delightful, but I wasn't in the mood.

It's horrible. It did some business, though, man. People loved them. Oh, yeah. People really love it because food trucks. People love fucking food trucks. Right. But one of this, and I watch a show religiously, and I would love to, if anyone knows where it is now,

I'd love to watch old episodes. Yeah. But it was Peter Bogdanovich was there with a bunch of different people. He's talking about Last Picture Show. He's like, you know, and of course, Orson came out the first week to watch us shooting. And he looks at the town and he's just looking around, and Orson turns to me. And he goes, well, you'll shoot it in.

black and white, of course. And at that point, I didn't think so. And then, of course, she was right. So I'm now imagining Well, well, good. Well, you'll shoot it in night vision, of course. I'm seeing this entire sequence be photographed in night vision. You know what?

Scratch it. The whole thing in night vision. 91 brutal minutes of night vision. If anyone out there hasn't seen last picture show, do yourself a favor and watching. Way better than this. Incredible movie. Great movie.

Citizen Kane in Night Vision. It's sort of like you're spying into the world of Charles Foster Kane because every time we cut to the newspaper office, it's in Night Vision. You will not take my movie. Kane running for Governor Nightvish. You barely see the Kane poster. You only see the tie behind it. There is a man, a certain man.

We only see a night vision. Who's singing? Who's singing that? Enjoy's a joke. You're seeing me and my wife get farther and farther apart on bigger tables. But it's all in night vision, you see. I do regret shooting the speech you'd understand in night vision because you can't make out that that's enormous my face behind me, thus isolating me further from people.

It just looks like a big green blob. Wait. Zanidu's a mansion? And of course, Rosebud was the sled I flew down the streets of San Francisco in. Nearly got to rest in that day.

That's why I had to flee to... Magoria. In Zanadu, yeah. Oh, yes, my... One of the pinnacles of my career, my fantastic Othello. Othello in Night Vision, man.

The race politics become quite clear when it's in Night vision. Here's a newsreel of me with Hitler in night vision. Here's the footage taken by a sniper who missed the shot and that was the start of

Manhunt, the Fritz-Lang picture. A wonderful picture. Oh, wonderful. You know, my original cut of the magnificent Ambersons that the studio destroyed, you saw that rich families fall from grace over the decades,

entirely in night vision. Halfway through, you see, they couldn't afford the power bill. That's why everything switched to night vision. The Ambersons ran out of money to pay the oil mat. Hence the night vision.

It's one of the last interviews with Peter Bogdanovich. Well, yeah, we had to work on the other side of the wind for years and years and years because it was all night vision. The big sand thing. Yeah, that was all night vision. The start of touch of evil, this tracking

shot, we figured who was tracking him? They must have been having night vision to be tracking them like this. Yeah, you know, Orson and John Houston got into it pretty bad there because Wells is just like, everything in night vision. They all laughed in night vision. I told Tony Perkins when we were shooting Kafka's The Trial, I said, things will feel much more Kafkaesque if shot in night vision. I told that Hock, Kurosawa.

he should have put dreams in night vision oh that just tickled this all right where we needed I love it but he's dead now and he's dead it's a classic move

like I understand look here's the thing and if you are a guy that is fucking such a bad motherfucker that you know KGB generals across the street when they see you Jean Reno

you now know that oh then of course we will kill him next you know that that's that's the only way this makes any mathematical sense but no he starts like throwing money at him and like Chris Klein is trying to like now play the game suddenly which is stupid he's just like well I want profit sharing and gambling profits it's like oh good now we're all happy together and it's like no you're not and they schedule this like let's give him a retirement game to kill him right and it would be a no rules game. And we're also, again, because we have to talk about the minds. We're

overlooking the minds. Oh, yes. You see, I don't need to control the minds because I control the man who controls the minds. I don't need to run for public office because I buy the people in office. Meanwhile, as I'm watching this, every time I blink, I see

night vision. Because my rods and cones are totally fucked. By the way, you know, we keep saying like, you know, I feel over the years I've talked about this sequence without having seen the movie, but that projection booth story was enough. You know, I was saying things like, oh, it had to be at least 20 minutes. Chris Cabot,

I think, said 15 minutes at one point. I actually timed it, and it shows you just how grueling it is to watch something like that, where it does indeed feel like an eternity, minute 58 to minute 65. Wow. That's it. Seven minutes. Nice. Seven minutes. It's exquisite.

Seven minutes in heaven compared to the rest of the fucking movie. By the way, Chris Klein also says trade, Rebecca, remain to a different team just so to get her out of here so she'll be safe oh what if I trade her to the opposing team tonight's game

trade the girl to the hoard tonight and now tonight yes it will be free beheadings night it's Devine Andrew's idea to kill him in the match because he says you did promise him a retirement game and like that's the thing because like at first

he really thinks like Jean-R-R-No kind of believes that he can buy this guy back after murdering his best friend on a motorcycle and trying to murder him. Exactly. Chris Klein's like you can keep the because at one point Jean-R-R-R-No offers him

$100,000 bonus and he's like you can keep the $100,000 bonus. I want in, I want a piece of the fucking cable action, the North America deal. I want in. I want a connection part of the gambling profits and all that shit. And he's like, ah, yeah, see, he's coming along.

to be excellent. See, I'd be like, he's thinking long term. If he's thinking short term, he's really in on it. And again, I've seen so many breasts in this movie and so much violence, but Jean-Renot goes up to, he's like,

are you fooling with, they cut out fucking Oh, did they? Oh, I didn't even notice that. Are you fooling with me? Don't fool with me. Wow, the old good son, fool for fuck. Yeah, fool for fuck. Well, apparently they had to cut a down to PG-13, so it makes sense.

I've seen, I've seen nudity then. It's all because it's America, baby. But also, wasn't there other profanity throughout this movie? I mean, Chris Klein does get in a very prominent, fuck you to genre, no. I think that's the only one.

Let me double check. Let me double check the rating, but I mean, we're more puritanical now than in 2002. That's a good point. The magic and the story of F of fake. You know what else was fake? The night vision that I put all over it, you see.

Yes, and this footage here is just, no, it's not from a lady from Shanghai. It's me filming a lady from Shanghai at night in night vision. I once met Chaplin and a lovely fellow. I loved talking to him all night. And I told him his great masterpiece, the Gold Rush, could only be better if he had somehow created night vision at the time and been able to employ it. We needed the technology then. Imagine, Charles, this is what I said to him. I said, you're in the cabin.

It's spinning all over the place. The weather's wacky. You're flipping and flopping this way and that. But then also, it's being presented to the audience in night vision. And your eyes look like scared deer eyes. Oh, the French champagne. In night vision. By the way, I double-checked PG-3.

Today it would be R or NC17s because it would be too scary for everyone. To hoarding. Abandoned Florida. Yeah, it was scary. So it's the final match. And it's, you know, and wouldn't you know, not only is Rebecca Romaine traded to the hoard. So is Bynariski and some other bruisers.

They've turned it to basically an all-star team. Yeah, we really, it's the Monstars featuring Rebecca Romaine. Yeah. and basically everyone on the horsemen are like oh man so sorry about they say that what do you call it there? Oh this is so stupid

Ridley contracted malaria whilst on a research mission on an archaeological dig in the tropics what why he was studying spiders with Dakota Johnson's mother before she died and they mentioned that Chris Klein is beaten up here because he had a rock

climbing accident so after the game when the darkest of night, because it's only dark night here. Yeah. He goes rock climbing and L.L. Coolj goes to quote unquote the tropics. Yeah, of course. Wherever that is. Yeah.

Bermuda Triangle. Yeah. Lovely this time here. Okay. An archaeological dig. Yeah. Special stuff out there. Some good rocks. The accountants. Uh-huh. We're talking about accounting. Oh, I see. So accountants can't like like history or

archaeology or something like that. Maybe he studied archaeology. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. An accountant has no business doing research on anything but money law. I mean, we barely know these other red horse. It's like Lamont Johnson, Chinese food, hemlock. I was rude for Chinese food. Somewhere.

There's a woman named robot. Yes, robot. I do love it. This is what we're really, Paul Heyman gets a little wellie in himself here with the acting because they give him a piece of paper. He's reading. is like, yeah, that's right. What the heck is it? What? I can't believe

what are they doing. Well, tonight there are no rules for some reason. He pulls of my dad, dude. He reads the script and he literally says to the girl, what is this shit? You ever see, what the fuck is this? Oh, he says, you ever see

thugs like that on the bench before? And then in Hayman's most J.R. Jim Ross-esque delivery, he goes, it's a no-holds-barred cock-fight It's like a cock-fight Is generally just the two chickens

Also, hand it back here Never been to a cock-fight I don't know what the rules are Could you please explain them? People in this crowd don't have fucking cockfighters No, absolutely, dude, don't worry about that They just came from one That's where the ratings are going, the cockfights on Channel 6

We're beat it by cockfight again well it is the biggest sport in Kazakhstan and they love Warren Oates here I don't know what to tell you but it's a big match and now there's no rules just right oh yeah dude they do have

yeah they have like stick they're basically spears essentially like they would be like things you would catch the ball with it to sharpened to such a way that they are sharp Rebecca Romaine notices the sharpening like going down at one point

no says nothing but and also her character who previously was wearing this devil mask because she was so ashamed of her face is now just wearing a regular helmet that shows her whole face well because they're forcing her dude there's the part of it god the horrors continue she shows up and she's got her number tattooed on her face which she didn't have before and they're like oh they gave you a they basically like they branded you they took away your name That's right. That's exactly what happened. You know, one time I told Cavett during a commercial break, I said, as much as I love coming on and chit-chatting with you all night,

be much more interesting for the viewers at home. If you shot a little bit of your talk show in night vision. Because you see the cigarette going up and down is quite compelling. You see, the eyes are accursed to the human. and we must destroy them through night vision. Just imagine one night, Dick, I said. It's me and Groucho sitting in the studio really barring at one another,

but you're seeing it all go down and hypnotic, trans-like, night vision. Actually, ironically enough, I talked to the director of the Transformers' animated picture out of using Night Vision because that film was perfect. I was speaking to Paul Schrader the other day and I asked him,

have you ever eaten a steak in the dark? And he said no. And I'm saying, I would film you doing it for my next picture. Man, I'd love to eat a steak in the dark. Give you a whole steakhouse meal in the dark. That'd be fun.

See how much of a mess I make. Oh, yeah. Would you have a night vision helmet on? No, that would be cheating, dude. You got to see how much mess I made. It's going everywhere. It's going to go everywhere. You just know.

so it's i mean and very much so in the latin the 75 version uh that's also what's going on like there's no rules trying to kill them and they you know everybody everybody on both teams just start to drop and it's not so dramatic here it is more dramatic in the in the OG you don't give a shit about anybody here there's this whole thing running through the movie about every game they play they're like oh chris kine do you have your spine protect around he's like no because I'm a fucking cowboy stupid. Yeah. And then like he gets slashed in the back by this like shiv, basically.

And they're like, and his jersey rips open. And it's like, oh my God, he wore his spine protector. He must be on to it. We all saw this. Right when they said he's not wearing the spine for that. Oh, okay. It's in the last fight. Wrigs, you have your Kevlar on.

Oh my. What? we do have a who's this fella here oh zangeef himself yeah little bit of a dicey line here with zangif he fucking nails one of these players against the wall and he says oh it looks like i got the Asian flu nailing an Asian person against the boards isn't that something right didn't he also play leatherface at some point oh did zankeef maybe the first Michael Bay one Possibly. Yeah, it was positive. That sounds right.

You know what it would have proved that movie? What? Night-ditch. Eric, I can't guarantee you there might actually be night vision. Marilyn Burns is going to use some night vision hiding out in them woods from the family. Oh, he did? Yeah, he was leatherface in the first. Okay.

The first 03 Texas chainsaw. Oh, when the platinum dunes got there. He had to be jacked out of his mind. It's leather face, bro. He's a big, yeah. Grandpa, save yourself. You were always so good with the sledge. I know, he's also in Texas Chainsaw at the beginning.

Oh, nice. Oh, my gosh. You'd think he'd stay in that creepy house all the time, but he was leaving for the gym constantly. Now, I know this is the judgment-free zone, but you're freaking people out. Yeah, leather face is a bit of a lung cat. Because, I mean, yeah, like, think about him doing like a chest presser.

Yeah. Excuse me, sir. Your loud pig noises Keep setting off the lung alarm Also he can never spot you The face is never on right I guess human But if you're eating human meat

That's probably pretty That kind of lean. High protein for sure Yeah great protein Yeah Makes you crazy though What with consuming someone's essence That's that's a bunch of pooey

To be clear that's you turning into a god So like it's just a matter If you can take being a god or not Like oh you can't eat human meat because it'll make you crazy. Cows can't eat cows because they'll make them crazy. It's all a bunch of bullshit to stop you from doing it. I'm going to do an answer to Scalia here. I'm going to say yellow jackets did it and they were fine. So you know what? If yellow jackets can do it, so can any human being on the word, just like Jack Bauer can. Is that that TV show you keep going on

about? Is it a night vision? There may be a scene. There might actually be a scene. I cannot guarantee. it turns into one new challenge called the we hate movies challenge go up to your local Cineplex and annoy someone exactly oh definitely and just like look at the the titles behind the guy and taking it

yeah do you have anything that has any night vision scenes which which one would have the most night vision in it a manager is coming out I hope you know this and they are going to be so pissed I like asking which one has the most night vision because clearly all the movies

have night vision. It's so popular. Well, they would be better if they did. Do you have a combined 4DX night vision screening so I can get both effects at the same time? Honestly, dude, I was getting nauseous enough looking at that night vision. If I had to be bouncing around on a roly coaster ride watching the movie, I would have vomited. So things

start to get crazier. What happens that kills our good friend Danny? Because that's what really tips the whole scale. Oh, that's right. I think the he gets up on the yes the crowd starts to revolt a little bit right yeah and some

Denny is shot by a security officer while the commotion is going on right because he goes into the stance that's right yes and then the miners rise up and they're like rise up in terms of just going John the 10 which is John the 10 which is Danny

is a man that was a minor lived among the minors best friends with the minors. He dies saving a minor. And they're like we need chant for revolution De, no. Jonathan Yeah. What did it's Jenny, Denny, Denny, Denny?

They had rehearsed the Denny Chan. The Jonathan is already there. You know, we were all kind of a minor at one point living with other minors until we got old enough. Sure. It's true. It's true. It is very sure.

That's pretty true. But then this is when it turns, it's like, totally Simpsons crazy. Like, is this the time, a professor that everyone should knock each other over and eat the goo inside their brains? Yes, it is, Kent.

Yeah, so now it's all, we got the no-hold Bard's cockfight here and we got, people are trying to, this, we're down to like one or two guys and they're trying to take out Jonathan and Jonathan like hits this one guy in a certain way. He flips mid-air and he cracks his head,

million-dollar baby style. Oh, yeah. it's great it's it's a great takeout i have to say and the violence here gets really crazy he jonathan uh in his last moment he's got the ball you think he's going to go for one big score but no he goes right at uh what do you call it there jean rano jean rano and breaks into the stands and nails him in the face he fucking kicks through the glass though yes it's a it's a flying bicycle kick yeah through this glass and it's john rano like shit against his pants which is really Don't want to miss the funniest dumbass Paul Heyman moment, though, when the Jonathan chance starts going.

Paul Heyman, who like we've been told is just sitting in a broadcast booth, a sealed, sealed broadcast booth. Chanting Jonathan's happening. He says into his microphone for all the listeners at home, just listen to them and turns the microphone toward a window. Like you're what? What are you doing? As if he was holding a microphone at the Berlin Wall being taken down. You want to hear this history happen. And what are we rising up against exactly a side?

Bad roller ball. We want good rollerball. God damn it. Because I think like at the end of the movie, Rebecca Romaine is like, well, you took down their masters. And now they know how to fight them through a rollerball thing. No, actually, they all have to go to work tomorrow if they want to feed their family. Oh, fuck. They still work in a mine.

Oh, fuck. So do you think we should, you know, stop it, not allow people to kill each other in the course? No. I think that's the spirit of the game you kill that right there. If you don't let people kill each other in the ring. And it gets so good because Jean Rino escapes and he goes down in the training facility. Oh, yeah. And Chris Klein, you know, for it's because, I mean, that's what happens to what he called their con too.

He's covered in blood. And I do they keep that tradition. He's like totally bloody, totally fucked up. I do love there's like a bodyguard. in between Jean Renaud and Chris Klein. Chris Klein hits this dude with a whole table. Yes. It is some real WWE shit.

Yeah, it's cool just walking through these tables. And we're just intercutting like pure madness in the stands. Like people are just ripping security guards heads around. Yes. All of the security guards get turned on, which is awesome. And they're all just murdered. And then, yeah, it's just down to Jean Renaud and Chris Klein in the training room or whatever. The action spectacle you've all come here to see.

You're going after the movies, seeing Roller Balls. Well, it's Jean Reno trying to go into the shotgun case to get a shotgun, you see. I love it's a secret compartment. It's like a bookshelf and it's like open up gun closet. And it's locked proving that you should never lock your guns away. Absolutely. When a roller baller is coming after Eric, what are you going to do? Exactly. Leave them out.

If they're near your toddler, you'll know where they are. Leave them at their level too. It's very important. They can hand it to you when they're old enough. Would you rather a rollerballer got him? I wouldn't. That's true. Those guys are vicious. They are vicious. Terrible people.

Oh, my God. But this is great. So he's like, he does this thing where he like jimmies the shotgun out because he can't get it out of the key. Yes. And he is able to use it because of the bar and is able to cock it. And he. This is dumb. It's so stupid because Chris Klein uses like an ashtray as a shield. It's the table.

It's a small side table that deflects every piece of buckshot from a, point blank shotgun. Oh, I'm sorry, you don't have Kevlar stools where you're from? Excuse me. Kazakhstan's got something up on us. How does he kill Renault? So he deflects his one shotgun shot. Yeah.

What is he? Does he this is a good question, actually. How does he actually do it? Because I know how he gets to David Andrews, which is fantastic. I mean, that is pretty great. He just, he hits him with the table. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he just not. Well, wait for like the cops

to get him. Yeah, I don't think he's actually murdered. Neveen and... My note says, Jonathan Cross with table. Table defeats bullets. Table defeats John Roe. The next note is beaten with table. Okay, so yeah, he beats it with the table. He is dead, though. Actually, no, that's what it is.

And this is shit that we should have been able to see. And maybe in that two hour cut you did, because it was supposedly goryer. Now I remember, yes, he's got a piece of the table. And he's just like, like, raining blows. It's like one of those like repeated. You know he's just hitting him in the head until there's pudding there. The other guy comes

and he's like, Jollygood and the part of killing a tyrant is making arrangements with their successor. Yes. And you didn't do it with me. And you didn't do that. He's got a gun. He's like, meh, ha, ha. Was that chopped beef, my

former employer? And then Chris Klein says it just means I'm not done yet, flips the shotgun around and shoots him. And he blasts him through a wall. He there's some cool wirework here. This dude eats shit. It's awesome. It's the second best part of the movie after the

Night Vision. A cinematic masterpiece Rollerball 2002. Sufficient Night Vision. Peter Buckdottovish again. Just like, oh yeah, if he knew that we gave up on Night Vision, he would turn over in his grave. He would never forgive any of us. Amazon has

a little banner like movies with Night Vision. I wish the Night Vision collection. So Roller Ball is defeated The sport I guess is no more What cool stuff The crowd's going wild They flip a limousine outside

I appreciate that Yeah and the satellite dishes They flip over too And this is how big my parent satellite dishes So it was really that size That's crazy huge I would hope that over in New York Cosmopolis is happening

It's just all part of the same thing A revolution is in there While the chaos Earlier on, while the chaos is going on, this is like the, what do you call it there? The audition tape for the U.S. cable thing. And David Andrew keeps being like, I think we should cut the feed

because of all the people getting beheaded. Right. No, no, this will sell them. Right, right. No. Do you have any idea how much faces of death made in America? Like, no money. People like basketball games

when LeBron James isn't beaten to death. You know what I mean? Like, they're like, oh, like, that's a guy. I don't know. I think I'd add an element to the game that'd be interesting. Clippers fans. But yeah, so she's like, well, we started a revolution, I guess. Where to now?

And she's like, I think he's like, let's fuck. I think the last line was like, let's fuck, essentially. He goes, oh, she goes, because there's that line about he says, like, we ever have sex in bed? Yeah. And so she says, one, yes, the revolution line. he's basically like, you stood up to one of the monsters that ruined their lives and they

saw you do it. Yeah. So he's like, I guess he's, guys, he's Waddeb at this point. He's the president. He's the president or premier of Kazakhstan. Right. You've been installed as the new Borat. You run the act. You get out to meet you tartay tomorrow.

When Levitt Andrews goes to the wall, he goes, a nice shot at tradies. But then, so the last line of this movie is Rebecca Romaine goes, We're going to go to the doctor. And then I thought I'd take you home to my bed. And it freeze frames as if to say,

anyway you're out. That's because it just freezes on Chris Klein's face like, I'm going to get late. Me's going to get laid. Goop. In a bed? Ghostre. Freeze frame.

Excellent film. Dreams do. With a servicer crystal in his fucking mouth. Oh, God willing, my friend. Never going to stop by Rob Zombie. Larry right into them credits. But yes, that is the end of Roller Ball 2002. Thanks to

Steve from Baltimore for calling this one. And feel like it was a long time coming in one way or another. Definitely, definitely. And you know, a blissful 98 minutes, not too shabby. Go around the horn here, final thoughts. Eric Siska. I don't know about blissful.

True. I felt this. I mean, I'm not even the biggest fan of the first movie, but I'd say watch that instead. This is not a recommend at all. Watch so watch the 75, film and then watch Harmony Carin's agro trip. Go to

a strip club and go see it, I guess. Is it still not out? No, they have like these specialty screenings. Are they really doing it? Dude, that sounds awesome. Should we go? I would check it out. I kind of want to go. Because that movie is dumb but it's funny.

But watching that movie having some beers eating strip club chicken wings is the way that it was meant to do. He might be on to something. I don't, when I read about it Chris, I was like, absolutely not. But after seeing at the New York Film Festival, I'm like, oh, we'll see.

We'll see it. So that's me. Do not watch Rollerball 2002, unless you already have. Chris Cabin. Oh, yeah, I'd never watch this. I mean, even the, the McTiernan's towards the end were not good. This one, I think, is the worst. I don't know if I'm trying to remember the other,

but I remember like for a while there at the end, it was no good. And I was just like, oh, really this too. Okay. Roller Ball 75, free on. Amazon Prime, by the way. I think my main issue with this ultimately is that it feels rushed to shit. Like they took the guts out of it. They made a two-hour cut and they boiled it down to a 98-minuteer. And like they took out all the guts of it. They even took out like the stuff that's just not the plot. Like right. Any pause in it is just gone. So I was just like,

oh, this is just kind of boring to me. And then at the end it gets a little crazy, which is nice. But still, slip knot top marks. Stephen. Yeah. No, it's not a recommend. it's also kind of like, to your point, Chris, like it's so rushed, et cetera, but like even like, I like LL Cool J as a bullshit actor, you know what I mean? Like, not as a real actor, but he's a bullshit actor. Like, he's fun in Deep Blue Sea.

He's fun in that Halloween movie that he's in. Yes. And he's not fun here because he's got nothing to do. Like he's got seven lines and like he should be the number two. He should be doing more cool stuff. I mean, Chris Klein is just, again, the worst that ever did. I really think the worst man to ever.

be in front of a camera after they said action might be Chris Klein. I'm sorry everybody. I'm sure he's a really nice guy. So there's that. No, and I do think there's value in the 75 movie. So watch that. Yeah, I didn't even finish the fucking 75 movie. I'll say watch that over this. This is dreadful stuff, folks. This is bottom of the barrel grim shit. I'll tell you that right now.

Night Vision or no. Slipknot or no. Rob Zombie or no. L.O. Cool J. or no. This is awful. It's really bad. And when you fucking read up on it, you know, I don't think it had the possibility to be a great movie or anything like that. But it had a shot to be better before studio meddling. You read up on some of the shit. They had a test screening in Las Vegas. Yeah, you want you want to get the opinions out there, the real ones. Those are the people, I guess, more likely to go see a fucking rollerball event live. Probably. That's where the stadium would open here in the United States. I'm sure Agrodrift is playing in Vegas. right now. You can see that 10 different strip clubs in Vegas. Oh, yeah, the golden stallion. We are playing. Agro Drift. But, but yeah, you know, so like, yeah, they had that test screening. They also had Harry Knowles come in. They did that. Like, what do you think about this pervert asshole? And then he gave his opinion. What a moment in time. Yeah. That guy get the keys in the castle, giving notes on studio films.

And meanwhile, my phone, not, it hasn't rang in years. I don't even know for, I'm telling you, we could have some sort of reality show called the script doctors. And I'll film a bullshit thing where I'm wearing scrubs walking up to a camera. I don't care. Absolutely. And we could give some real hard and truthful notes about stuff.

Yes, the plot pimple popper MDs. Yeah, so, you know, maybe this movie would have been something else before MGM got all sorts of cold feet. And also, by the way, when you're remaking a movie John McDiernan or otherwise, and you have the thought, you know, the first one, all this really well-received social commentary. Let's rip that right out.

You're an idiot. There's a reason that's there and it's why the movie works in the way that it does. Darker. Just make darker. That's the whole that we got it. That is going to do it for this episode on Roller Ball. Of course if you want more We Hate Movies, check out our Patreon, y'all. Patreon.com slash

we hate movies. Where this month we have a patron-selected We Love Movies episode all about the fugitive. Good God damn. Is that a better movie than this? Oh, boy. Holy smokes. We just just dropped a commentary on Rebel Boone, part one, a child of fire. A child on fire. A child on fire, not director's cut.

Right. Original streaming cut. Yes. Yes, the original director's cut because I imagine he was allowed to do what he wanted to do on that film and now he's going to do it all over. I just got a number. Wow. We just put out the commentary a couple days ago, but it's been viewed 70 million times.

Oh, wow. 70 million. 70 million fans can't be wrong. Patreon.com slash we eight minutes. There's other assorted patron curated stuff this month going on on the Patreon. We have a gleep glossary all about a savage oppress, a savage opress, however you say, Darth Mall's brother. So we have fun on that conversation.

We got normal Melrose 2 and O, but nothing is normal on Melro 2. Michael's trying to kill Sydney and David sees Kelly's tits. It's really great. Yep. It's wonderful. We're doing Strange New Worlds and Voyager on the Nexus. That's right. That was... Listener requested. Yes, a little bit of a

gear shift there. That was fun. We talk about the Voyager Season 2 episode The Thaw, where Michael McKeon plays a creepy clown. And then the Strange New Worlds episode, Those Old Scientists, where Jack Quaid and Tony Newsom guest star. And of course,

Brave Star on animation damnation. Absolutely. Which is apparently the first time we've done it, even though we kept saying we've done it before. And the first time we're ever going to do it, X-Men 97 is being recapped on a biweekly-ish basis on the top level of the Patriot tier for Too Olds for this shit. That's right.

That's what that season of Too Olds for This Shit's going to be. You have to check it out. It's going to be great. Yes. And if you're looking at them dates, we have all the release dates for Too Old for this shit on WHMpodcast.com. And as well, don't forget to come and see us in Atlanta, Georgia, April 25th, and then Houston, Texas, home of the original Roller Bowl. That's right.

May 14th. Yeah, May 14th and May 15th, Austin, Texas will be talking about, from Dust Till Dawn. You can find out all these movies and dates and information, WHMpodcast.com. That's right. Now, here on the program known as we hate movies, the show continues next week, we are. are doing one more listener requested episode. Is that correct? Just one more.

Got a little glasa to our good friend, Yahoo! Sirius. Yes. As we talk about young Einstein. A childhood classic that informed my sense of humor, probably for the detriment. I'll just say, I watched it today, and for 91 whole minutes, I wished I was dead.

Andrew's going to be young angry on this episode. I remember liking it, but I was probably wrong. Well, you know, it's okay to like a movie, as you say. but we'll find out next week if I actually do like a movie. That's right. So until then, when we answer the big question, does Eric like Young Einstein? I've been Andrew Jupin.

Stephen Zedach. Eric Sisker. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.