We Hate Movies - S14 Ep740: Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties

Episode Date: May 21, 2024

“You pay your mortgage for the year and you just show up and do nothing.” - Chris, on major celebrities voice acting On this week’s episode, we’re chatting about the barely-feature-length sequel, Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties! How in the world did Jon Arbuckle not sense two live animals in his luggage? Is Billy Connolly good in this movie? Shouldn’t it have been against the law to play this much Black Eyed Peas on a film soundtrack? How eerie is it for Jon to secretly follow/stalk Liz to England? And how do you have all these adorable barnyard animals and they’re not the U.S. Acres friends? Missed opportunity! PLUS: Chris weighs in on the all-new The Garfield Movie starring everyone’s favorite Mario, Chris Pratt! Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties stars Breckin Meyer, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Billy Connolly, Ian Abercrombie, Roger Rees, Lucy Davies, and the voices of Bill Murray, Bob Hoskins, Sharon Osbourne, Joe Pasquale, Jane Leeves, Roscoe Lee Browne, Richard E. Grant, Vinnie Jones, Rhys Ifans, Jim Piddock, and Tim Curry as Prince the Cat; directed by Tim Hill. This episode is brought to you in part by Ladder! Go to Ladder Life dot com slash whm today to see if you’re instantly approved. That’s L-A-D-D-E-R Life dot com slash WHM… Ladder Life dot com slash WHM. Make the WHM Merch Store your one-stop shop for all your We Hate Movies merch-related needs! Including new SHEENPRIL, Night Vision & Too Old For This Shit designs! 

When your team's curious and ready to grow, they do their best work, and that changes everything. At CBT Nuggets, we've spent over 25 years making IT training, engaging, hands-on, and fun. Expert-led courses, virtual labs, real-world skills your team can use right now. From networking to cloud to cybersecurity, we build skills and confidence that drive results. Believe in your team. Give them the tools to thrive at CBTNuggets.com slash solutions. this week on the program it's like somehow a dumber king ralph and animated and barely a movie it's garfield colon a tale of two kitties i'm andrew jupin i'm stephen sadax british doppelganger

ericfield uh chris cat and we hate movies Hello, everyone Thank you for tuning in, as always. That's right, if you're coming to the show for the first time, because you're a massive Garfield fan. We're a comedy show that takes a movie Good, Bad, Otherwise, or Garfield, The Tale of Two Kitties, and kicks it around for a little bit. Boy, oh, boy.

fellas. We should say it's okay to like a movie. I know a lot of you Whippersnappers grew up with this. A lot of whippersnappers grew up with the house on Haunted Hill. I felt like I didn't say. You always bring this up for the ones that are terrible. Like the worst of the worst. You always bring this out. Chris, Chris, there's a variety

of tastes in the world. And I'm sure they can take it when I tell them their movie that they love so much sucks ass. They can't take it. They love everything. They're just full of heart and joy. I'm not going to bend to their joy. Fuck up. This movie sucks. But I'm just, I'm legitimately curious if someone out there likes this movie.

What about it? Yeah, yeah. Even if you're like a tried and true hardcore Garfield head, what about a Bill Murray? Oh, I'm sorry, a Billy Connolly completist, are you? This isn't even a Garfield movie, really. I mean, you got some lasagna in here. Like, sure you do. That's about it.

You know, like, we're naming it after a tale of two cities, but we're doing the Prince and the Paw parties. Yeah, that's right. Which, by the way, that Errol Flynn movie from, I think 37 is really, good. Which cat does he play? There was an adaptation of the Prince and the Popper and he's like the swashbuckling dude that has these two kids. One is

the British, you know, like the royal person and one is the peasant and they swapped places for fun because they look alike. They got some twins to play them. It's a disgusting shit boy kind of situation, but it is a good movie. I thought they were duping Arrow Flynn. Errol Flynn was the guy playing two roles. I think he was in on it. You know, it's

A little while since I've seen it, I saw it. Because what's better than one Aeroflin, but two Arro Flan? Oh, wouldn't that be something? That'd be a lot of crimes. Yeah. I mean, a lot of fucking... You've got to build one jail for those two alone. Just keep them away from society. Yes, that's true.

Holy shit. There's nothing worse than being told you look like someone because the person that you're told you look like is an absolute goblin. In my experience, it's like, oh, man, you look like that guy. It's like, oh, that guy, that guy picking through the trash? I would think most people, if they don't know the story, at least would be like, Aral Flynn, that's a good one. Yeah, yeah. That's a good way. I'll take that. Oh, sure. Yeah, I'll take

Earl Flynn. I thought you were going to say someone told you you looked like Garfield. That's what I thought you might as well. He looked like Garfield. Like you're at a nice Italian restaurant with your wife and there's like, dude, look at that guy's house and that lasagna. He's pulling real Garfield over there. He looked like Garfield. What is with all the orange

hair all over your body, sir? Sir, we would like you to use a fork in a plate and not throw the lasagna into your mouth, please. Are you shedding? Is that what going on here? Yes, yes. Very good, Mr. Sadek. You hate Mondays. Thank you. So, yes, this is the sequel to the 2004 Garfield movie that we covered last year. Yes. So here we are.

We're here because of the dawn of Chris Pratt, obviously. That's right. That's right. You can enjoy that now in major motion theaters. I'm telling you, like, you guys, I got to see this movie. And I, wait, well, you saw the Chris I saw the Chris Pratt one because the local theater near me, Andrew knows this they host press screenings occasionally and with the

kids ones at least you get a blanket for the Connecticut Film Association you get a blanket email for like a lot of the low ones What's that email letter? What's your actual address? That is C.H.R. Wait No. Were there any other people there? There were a lot of guys, a lot

people with kids. For the press screenings of like family films like that they encourage you to bring children to it. So it's not fucking crickets the whole time. Oh, so it makes sense why A.O. Scott brought his kid to Australia when we saw that. Yeah. They really do. In the emails, they're even like, bring your kids. We don't have, it's not plus one. It's plus family. Because then the critic can be like, well, I thought it was a piece of shit. My eight-year-old was loving it. Yeah, this is a trap. Because then it's like, you got the little kids, maybe not even your own little kids, God forbid. And they're laughing, having fun. And then it colors your experience.

Yeah, absolutely. And the experience of going to the movie is better. So therefore, you're like, well, the movie is. Well, the movie is. not so bad, but like, I'm telling you, somebody should do this. Take a piece of the dialogue from Garfield and put it under Super Mario Brothers during his lines. It is identical. He does nothing. He does nothing. Wow. It's not even a Garfield. It's a disgrace. This is a disgrace to voice acting. Like, what the fuck are you doing? Because even Bill Murray is, he's trying here, which is kind of shocking. He's doing like, I'm a Garfield kind of guy. He's a party. oh yeah because he knows it's a character yes and he wants to create a persona but like this it's

like even samuel jackson who plays a like a secondary character is like just doing samuel jackson there's no actual that's what we don't want to do now it's just like we want you know that uh that awful tina fay commercial uh the i think it was a super bowl commercial where like everyone's dressing up like Tina fay or something like she's hawking all sorts she's doing credit cards these days i think i saw her doing like an expedia thing She sold my mom a reverse mortgage. She's headed out flyers on the parking lot when I came up here.

But, no, but Tina Faye told me about the fucking dinar miracle that's about to happen, dude. I'm on board. Tina Faye sold me on the Iraqi dinar. No, but. Have you heard about the dong, too? It's that Super Bowl commercial, and it's like, at the end, Glenn Close shows up. And what do you call it? Tina Faye has to go,

Glenn Close, because, hey, get it for Slow Joe in the back row. That's all we do now. It's just like peppering celebrities that are just, Just celebrities, celebrity, celebrities. Anyone that ever had juice ever can be, is so much better than an actual voice actor, which is not correct. You pay your mortgage for the year and you just fucking show up and do nothing. You know, it was fun at a time, right?

Like one of those Austin Powers movies, you got Tom Cruise cameo. And it's like, oh, whoa, but now that is everything. That is everything. So you can just point me. So we can all become the Leonardo DiCaprio once upon a time in Hollywood meme of him pointing at the TV. We recognize thing. But yeah. Chris, so honestly, what is your opinion of that Garfield movie?

Five stars? It's a horrible. I mean, it's a horrible movie. It's horrible. Because people liked the Super Mario Brothers. I thought I liked it too. I can't remember a thing about it, but I saw it. I watched it a second time, not as high.

And I kind of enjoyed it. I think the best part about that Mario movie is the score. The score, it fucking rocks to that movie. I had fun of my nephews are cute watching it. I mean, that's sure. So this is going to be this. My niece enjoyed it. Well, see, that's, that's like the film critics

bring the fucking kids in the theater. And, you know, there is a, you know, a sense of kids' movies aren't made for lone men. Oh, sure. Polishing a gun at 3 o'clock in army jackets. One for Garfield, please. He had actually shown you, right? Yeah, I grew up on this property. I mean, it's just like... This is my childhood on screen

and if it's not the exact childhood that I remember I'll fucking open a fire in this theater. I mean, I would like to meet that man. He says, I guess I have a lot good ideas. Uh-huh. But, uh, my journal, like, I don't expect, like, you to do the exact same thing. Like, the character does not have to be what I remember it, but it does have to be at least interesting, like a little compelling. You can't just be talking into a microphone. You have to be doing a character. And it's just, it's like

an action movie for most of it. But so what? He's like training for a mission into an organic dairy. No, no, no. Oh, my God. Any lasagna at the very beginning, but not lazy. Not really lazy at all. No. I don't know. I don't like a workhorse scarf. No, not at all. And that you might be at home be like, what are they going to talk about a tail of two kitties? Don't worry, folks. We will. There's only 71 minutes of content in this. We're flapping. We're padding. This is professional padding right now. I got more questions about this movie.

But think about back in the day, right? Our like earliest ass episodes, we didn't know what the fuck we were doing. Those episodes are like 35 minutes long. Exactly. If we weren't just talking about the state of like celebrity voice acting right now, like this would be the shortest episode of WeA movies to every. There is nothing

here, folks. There's nothing with this movie. Five minutes of credits on either end, it felt like, and then it's 79 minutes. There's a dance montage, a baby bop ass dance montage at the end. Okay, let's not get into it yet. We got a pad, remember. So this Garfield movie, better than the, this is a sequel to a Garfield movie, which was better? You know, out of all three, the new one, the one we already did a previous episode on and a tale of two kitties, which is the best? The new one, the new one would have to be.

be the worst because are you kidding me worse than this? Of course it's worse than this. That's stunning. What a remark? How long is this movie? 71 minutes. 71 minutes versus like I think 98 or something like that. At least it's not two hours though I mean I thought that's what was about to come out of your mouth.

I would say all about a table of two kitties that, see we're talking about I think it's better than the first Garfield movie. I think it's superior to the first Garfield. Because of the runtime? The runtime is great. I just there's effort by Bill Connolly. Connolly's actually putting some effort in here.

I think is funny Billy Connolly in this. I think he's good. He's kind of like a British Proto, like Dabney Coleman vibe in this. And also the story makes more sense because it's a tried and true Prince of the Popper. It's a very tried and true

genre of story as opposed to the first Garfield movie was like meandering and then at the end he's go to a TV station or whatever. But there's a whole story there and let me remind you guys. I know. Tobo. Of course. That's true.

That's true. I'm not saying he's better than Billy Connolly, because I do think Billy Connolly is the shining star of this fucking awful movie. And Billy Connolly is Scottish, right? Yes, I think so, yeah. But he's playing British in this, right? Yeah.

I think he's trying to de-scotify the voice maybe a little, I don't know. I thought he was playing English or whatever as this character. Because he's supposed to be like English royalty. Right, that's, you know, I know people over there shit blood when I get it wrong, so I just want to make sure I'm getting it right.

Do they take photos of the shitty blood? or they send them in post on Twitter hashtag shitty blood we ain't movies we are gonna get a PO box eventually and you need to get Polaroids of shitty blood for Eric

Oh just send in the sheets dude Oh there you know Smarter Send in the sheets Send in the sheets Ooh that means the nuclear test When it was Bloody shitty shitty sheets

Nuclear shit Here's a gross thing Speaking of this movie though When it starts with like The Fairy Tale kind of opening or whatever And you see this flag that's like kind of a, like a crest of family crest kind of thing. And it's Garfield and it's supposed to be drawn like a Griffin kind of. And it's Garfield like this long fucking lizard tail.

Yeah, it's gross. Man, interesting to start with a fairy tale and like, you know, your crass characters take it down fairy tales in an animated context. What was huge? Oh, Shrek. Oh, right. Yeah, I mean in 06, how many Shrek's do we have at this point? at least two, right? Yeah, and Shrek takes place in England as well, right?

That's my read on the situation. I mean, if Kier-Starmer isn't in there, I think Shrek is going to be the next main PM. I think he's got to be. Oh, sure. I love that. Yeah. I was against Brexit. Finally. But he's Scottish, right? Can they become premier? Well, you would have to take it by force, Eric. I mean, at that point, you would have to bring in your army.

Like a Shrek William Wallace. Yes, hell yes. Oh, dude, I'd love to see you watch if I could split fucking 10 ways. Yes, they'd bury his head somewhere and the legs another place. I love that. Oh, that would be the perfect way for Shrek to end up in my book. You also have in this little animated opening, dude, Breck and Meyer as Humpty Dumpty, that's degrading. And then Jennifer Love as Little Red Riding Hood.

And then they ran out of doing that, I guess, even though there's other characters in the movie, but they stopped. They just, it's amazing, you're right, because it's like this big opening. and here is Garfield the tale of actual real places It's kind of stunning I mean so not only is Billy Connolly in this You have Ian Abercrombie Of course best known as Mr. Pitt

From Seinfeld as like the butler Also the wise old man An Army of Darkness Oh shit you're right Oh hell yeah He's a nice flavor I like it when he shows up Yeah he's floating around in this

Lucy Davis from the office And Sean of the Dead Is in some role that I can only determine is massive scenes deleted. Yeah, and it's more dad bait, you know, we were talking about because she is like barely dressed

this entire movie, as is Jennifer Love Hewitt. Oh my God, the cleavage. And this Garfield sequel was... It's something for daddy or the lone men. Now, Chris, this new Garfield movie, any bodacious boobs? No. Oh, here's something I, because I haven't seen anything about it. No.

I like that. Is it... Because I know nothing about it. I haven't the trailer or anything. Is it full on animation or is it the live action hybrid animation? Oh, is it? Okay. It's very much, it's, I hate this style. It's like the, uh, if anybody's seen even stills from the recent

Adams family, uh, animated I don't care for that animation style. It's really cheap looking, really smooth, just to clean over everything else and like, no real style. No design to it. Like, yeah, it's really bad. You know what I don't like about this one is, or this whole these two movies. Sure. You got

the actual animals. Right. interacting with Garfield, who is a not, you know, he's a not an animal, it's just a, you know, it's a CGI guy. And the world, so here's an interesting thing, the in the world, and again, please forgive me, I never listened to old episodes, so maybe Doug this last time. Sure.

Now, it was one thing, it was Garfield is the only orange tabby that, the only animal that is CGI, I kind of understand that decision, even though I agree with Eric, it's really bizarre, especially when he's talking to Odie. But now his doppelganger is also are all orange tabby's CGI in this world?

Maybe. They've got some disease. I see, yeah. Apparently universe where they just didn't make them. They're like the do-do. It's not here anymore. I think if you have an orange tabby that is like from another worldly shaped like Garfield because that has to be CGI

because then that would be the thing, right? You just get an orange tabby and it doesn't have the gut and the big fat ass and whatever and then you just be like, well, that doesn't look like Garfield. I mean, what are you going to do when you need this tabby to dance to the worst cover of cat scratch fever ever, man, and also most of black eyed peas pump it. Oh, dude. By the way, that was a baby boppin. Yes.

People do not know this. People might have forgotten this, but there was a time where every single movie had to have it. Commercial, everything had to have the black eyed piece. It had to be there. Every single. In the first movie, there's black eyed piece. So this is like, it's kind of a. callback. Everybody was waiting for

Unpopular opinion. Some of the worst music ever made. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's not an unpopular I thought the kids would kill me for set. I mean, maybe some of them, but that's, it's some of the worst music you'll ever hear. Yeah. So we start, we see Ian Abercrombie as the Butler deliver, you see the great Carlisle Manor, yeah? I didn't look up where this was. It wasn't even in the trivia. England. Yeah, I should know what the house was.

Oh, I thought something was made mentioned in the trivia. Maybe not, I don't know. I could not. I did like this I wanted to cry blood after watching I could not I could not bring myself to read that trivia. All I know is it's not the Downton Abbey House. And he gives him a plate of is it a Carlisle Logge?

The Carlisle Log at Carlisle Castle. Dude, it's like eating fucking Buffalo Wings within the city limits. I would like a Carlisleog audits. It looked pretty good. Liver and kidney meatloaf. Yeah. Wow. Could I get it in pudding form? No, no, no. I bet you, Steve. It tastes like shit.

All right. that out there. If it propents who makes it, but clearly I would want the lasagna. It's okay to eat logs. Everyone can eat logs. Yeah, all those people eat logs out there, dude, don't worry about it. I got a question. Yeah. The Prince is, Prince, the

other cat, is voiced by the great Tim Curry. I think this role is what gave him the stroke, by the way. I was curious. This is pre-stroke. Yeah, I'm pretty sure, yes. And like, he sounds like he's doing a bad Tim Curry impression the entire year. I did not know it was him until the end.

Because it's just, it's a little higher for some reason. Maybe he's trying to do a character. I'm curious. She is. I think he's trying to put something into it and it's just like, it's kind of nasally. I wouldn't be surprised it was maybe modded a little bit in post. Sure.

You know, he is, you know, he's given a performance for better or worse. It is a character. It's a voice. I mean, it sounds like Tim Curry, but it's not just Chris Pratt reading a line of dialogue. What they have, my beautiful boy, Bob Hoskins, doing in this. Oh, that's humiliating. That really hurt. That one, you know what?

You got me on that. That actually hurt me. My dead man gives a fart five stars. He has to drive Garfield all around to all of the Johns that Garfield goes. Oh, that's one of them. I got an Arbuckle in every state. Don't fall in love with Michael Cain, Garfield. Don't do it.

Yeah, so then we do cut back to wherever any town, USA that John Arbuckle lives. That's the thing is like, if you're going to call that, you're going to be, all right, you don't have to do tale of two cities, although someone should go to jail for making this. But you need a city. You need a city. You need to be like it's London, just underlined, and

whatever this L.A. adjacent city is. A tale of two houses, I guess, is what it mostly is. It's so weird that this movie, like, which again, I think that this movie is more meat on the bone than the first movie, and it actually leaves all that meat on the bone because it doesn't do like, I don't know, Garfield

going up to fucking Big Ben and be on the go, what's that about? Like, you know what I mean? Let's just take advantage of that. He's steady poses with it for a photo or something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, doing the same tourist photo that millions of people have made. We get the stupid, we do get one stupid, uh, royal guard

joke. You have to, you have to legally. Oh, yeah. I mean, I wanted him to shit in the queen's face or something, you know, having a little fun with it. But I would. A cat is shitting in my face. Yeah. Secure the queen or Garfield, too. That would be good. I'm laughing already. And I think the fart gag we're coming up to was pretty good

as well. Yeah, because we're not yet, we haven't seen Helen Mirren as the queen yet, so maybe after that you could have gone her and there. I think it was the same year though. She is in the field and she sees Garfield running past and she goes oh, now I have feelings

so many feelings about dead Princess Diana but I'll keep them inside. My sweet one, she was just like an elk. So Garfield is interrupting like date night. We've got John Arbuckle rose petals all over the floor. 2006, this candy-colored shirt, man, this candy-striped shirt, we were wearing, we were wearing them.

We were wearing them. Pretty sharp. I think, you know, I don't like it when they're too shiny. Yes, this is a little shiny. I'm okay with stripes. I'm a striped guy. I like stripes, too, but this is a, it's like different colors. It's like blue and like white.

He looks like he should be serving you ice cream in 1956. We were wearing it at the, it was the style at the time. Of course. Real bad. But I got that photo with, what's his name? Fuck. Lennel? Crispin Glover.

Ken Russell. Thank you. The director of the Devils, et cetera, et cetera. Many great films. I'm wearing a shirt practically just last year. I love it. Save big during Labor Day at Lowe's. Get up to 40% off select major appliances.

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of loz dot com slash terms subject to change garfield makes some joke about like oh john you know you're proposing to me i don't know how that's going to look legally like there is a pseudo yes it's not bestiality but it is a merry it's a jason joke it's a bestiality of jason yes exactly Chris, this new movie. Any bestiality? No. Fuck. Sounds like this movie's got a whole lot of nothing. Yeah. Sounds like this is the better. Don't go.

Just rent this for the kids. But he's got rose petals everywhere. He wants to, I mean, I guess proposing at your house, it's pretty cheap. Yeah, sure. That's what I did. Thanks a lot, Steve. No, it's not that. I'm just saying. Rose pedals were all over the floor, weren't they, Andrew? So it was nice.

See, they gave you a. discount if you just take the pedals. If you want a full rose, they make you pay this. Full disclosure, I've proposed to my house too. But it's not, I don't know, just, you know, for a movie, it's like usually you go to a bullshit. A movie, absolutely. In real life, because I'm terrified of making a scene and I

don't need to be dealing with that. Oh, like, signaling the waiter, no thing. And you know what, skip all that. Go to makeout lane. Makeout points, right? Get shot by the Zodiac. What could be more romantic? Now, that would be an antagonist.

in this regard. Well, dear, then we've been together. Bind your hands now. Oh, great. Oh, great. It's you. Wrap it up. Put this rope around your legs. No, you tie him up. Tighter. Tider. Actually, could I just, I need to see. Is that a real gun?

Let me see these bullets. I'm going to do that. But I mean, if I was so dang, I would kill him too. I love that. I love that line. Just because people are going to ask, was that even a real gun? I'm like, dude, right between the eyes, nerd. Yep. Yep, Blamtown, dude. That's what you get for fucking asking questions. You know what, lady, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that man. Here, I'm going to cut these. You're a free. You're free. I'm going to kill his guy. But if we went to make a point, you'd have some sensuality in this movie, you know? Absolutely. You know, instead of beastiality.

Yeah. There is a photo of, so he's like, he's getting all pumped. He's like, oh, I'm going to propose to Liz today, blah, blah, blah. And he's got this framed photo of Jennifer Love Hewitt that looks like, I mean, it is a, it is clearly just a frame from the first movie and the way that it is in this frame and the where he's like got it position it looks like it is on the top of

a closed casket funeral situation it is just the weirdest like why would you have this fucking picture the way it is you know it's nice I would like this photo actually one time we can uh my I was away of college my mother put two like high school photos of me and my brother up

with a candle in between it and we're like this is not this we're not doing this neither of us are dead No, and it's all you have to do is it's the quick removal of the candle. You can have frame photos of your beloved sons, of course, but the candle implies they have crossed over the other side.

It was a dead to me type of situation. You know what, Mom? She is vindictive. The card with the Jesus on isn't making it better. I'm going to be, you know, I know you mean like bless them and whatever, but. Oh, that's not an urn, sweet. It's an ashtray, but I just put it between you two. Want a hard candy?

What is like the, what is the rule of thumb here for when someone dies like do you put up do you have to put up a recent photo or could you use that like the high school era photo for remembrance i kind of love in i on i mdb specifically you're it's kind of this weird uh i think it's a rule where like you're old until you die and then they're reverse they do the legacy photo because then you're in heaven younger right exactly yeah they deaged you with cg i guess the idea is if you're on i b is like ah i want to get uh burnt lancaster oh no he's yeah that's him from 1948 so he's dead yep

You know what I mean? Or if you're like, somebody else, I don't know, an older person that's alive now, you'd be like, oh, that's what they look like now. You know what? Here's one, you know, I'm sure it's any year now because dude is coming to the end of the line. They will do that for Eastwood. Yes.

Because Eastwood right now, I think his photo is like him just as an old dude. Yes. When he eats shit, it's going to be man with no name era. I can see that happening for sure. But he is also, for sure, one of the guys who would want to go out. I mean, he's not going full out like Hackman, but like wants to look as grody as shit oh yeah and just is like letting it go

because you see him with the the pictures from juror number two with the fucking beard he looks bad with a beard he looks like a guy that's been he fell on the floor and nobody knew he'd fallen for like a week that fucking picture him that's exactly what he looks like someone helped this poor man

no no I think he's living his best I think Hackman now like at his most unhealthiest he's actually living his best life right so yeah this is on her way John puts on some romantic music And Garfield's like, uh-uh, fat-ass Garfield Here comes a fat-ass baby-bop song

Now, who is doing this cover, Chris? I don't know, but they were making me yearn for Ted Nugent Which is something I'm not comfortable with. Well, the only reason I asked it is I thought it was the Nugent No, it's not. Oh, interesting. For sure not. Because, but Murray is singing over the kids' grinch fever Better fucking vocal talent than goddamn Ted Nugent

That guy, piece of shit. That was a big. Beast lover Yes, he did I'm looking at it up Because I'm curious But it's a weird Like he's like

Garfield It's gonna be Romantic music I'm proposing and Liz And we get this thing Where if you ever Were warranted Even just like

A couple seconds Of a flashback of it Get him done up In a costume of some kind Garfield's like You know John I liked you better When you were a metal head

Oh really? I missed that like He's like you used to be a metal guy What happened to all the metal? Oh wow That's cool Cut to Breck and mine as a fucking metal kid in the

90s? I know it's problematic in whatever, but you should still wear your mayhem shirts and your Bersam shirts and all those. I don't understand why you're being so silly about this. In this number, right, Garfield puts the ring up his ass or something, he's taken it. He eats it by accident.

Stole it, yeah. And to prevent John from marrying a girl, what? A girl and a vet, too. Nasty, marry me. No, you're supposed to marry me, your cat. The one who's shit you pick up That's the one you're supposed to marry

Right I was looking up I can't I MD just says it's It's New Jean But it doesn't say perform But it might be modified in one way Yeah

But so Liz shows up And it's kind of this amazing thing We're like Again like there is Again if this was a 90 minute movie There would be a bit Where they sat down to dinner And Garfield

It interrupts his dinner But she's immediately like Hey everybody here's this I gotta go. It's like, what is the rush with this movie? I don't get it. We can't afford locations. We got the manor.

Yeah, just do it there. But even still, like, there's a dinner. Like, just sit down to dinner. You have the set. There's a table. Just sit down and have a scene with them. No. Garfield does something.

Odie does something. But she's immediately like, hey, John, guess what? I have huge news. I'm going to England for a conference. But because Jane Goodall dropped out. Yes. And they got a nameless, faceless,

veterinarian from any town USA to replace her as a speaker number one. Number one is James Goodall. Number two the ghost of Carl Sagan. Number three, Liz What's Her Face? And shouldn't the movie end at that big event? Sure.

A lot of shit happening there and that's the ending at this big time. Chris is doing that. The figure thing means the money there. Yeah, I mean, it doesn't even get to it in the movie. Like that event doesn't happen in the motion picture. But let this woman take. Let this woman take her coat off before she gives

exposition. Because it's also a weird thing, right? Because basically what happens is she comes over to be like, oh, I can't have dinner because I have to go home and pack because I'm leaving tomorrow. That's not a good sign for John Arbuckle in this proposal, by the way. Like, what do you mean you can't sit down to dinner because you have to go home and pack for like a

three-day business trip? What the fuck are you talking about? It's insane. God, John is persistent. And he does a crazy thing to go and do that. That's the insane. Here's a spoiler alert when you're in a committed relationship. Just let your partner go on their business show. Oh my God. It's good for you.

It's good for them. It's lovely. They come back. No, I got to follow her and I'm not going to tell her and I got to be there and watch. I'm going to watch her. All right. Garfield, get my zip ties, my pillowcase helmet and the whole Zodiac costume. Yeah. Garfield, you've seen the roll of duct tape? No, the bigger

one. But the whole thing, because the whole thing should be about their relationship. Not Lord Dargis. No. It should he should follow her and then they get to the event. Garfield somehow ruins it. It puts their relationship a little bit on the rocks. That's at like 60 minutes.

And then you have the moment. I get what you're saying. The moment of loss and then they rekindle for the ending, Chris. That is a John and Liz movie. What is on the title? Garfield. Well, we've been proven time and time again. You can't make that movie.

You can't make Garfield. Here's the thing, though, right? Like, Eric, when you were saying, you know, what should happen, it reminded me you should, they should have just gone the route of make a, carbon copy sequel because in that first movie when John is trying to like get in with this woman and everything remember they go to she's judging

some sort of dog show and Garfield goes and ruins that thing like there you go they all go to this and Garfield ruins that and just make it the same thing exactly or you can even just make it another dog show it's dog show too Death Star 2 no one cares exactly

that's fine it's so she's got in and out of this scene immediately and then John immediately's like well i guess i got a follower to england that's what that would be romantic wouldn't it no no one wants you to she's excited to have like a couple of days to spread out on that bed the old oh my god it's she would have asked you exactly it's definitely romantic and not pathetic or creepy at all no also kind of it's not pathetic and it's not creepy it's just a weird choice is uh so he's he has planned this whole thing to propose right and he's

making dinner. He's just making this big baked turkey. What the fuck? What are you talking about? Yeah. This is more of a one of the more sensual meats. A lighter pasta kind of a scenario would be fine. Yep. Yep. Exactly. We got to highlight American food, the roast turkey versus British food,

the log of some log of innards. Yeah. Well, and also, you know for a fact, Garfield loves turkey. So he eats this thing and you when you're... Well, first he flirts. with it. He flirts with it a little bit. He's about to fuck it. Yeah. But he fucks eat it. After that, John, I'm fucking the turkey. John, I'm fucking

the turkey. It's like a American pie, yeah. But Garfield's, oh, oh, Garfield. Oh, we'll just tell Odie, we ate it all. Oh, oh, you got me in a strangle hole turkey. Oh, oh, oh my God. But like, you are also, your lady friend, your girlfriend's coming over right when your cat is going to be the most violent shit known to man. Sure. Like, with a whole

turkey stuff down that thing. I mean, I think that's why he has to marry Liz, because she has seen some violent shits from Garfield. Oh, yeah. And she's okay. Because it's just, that's her business. Like, she's a veterinarian. Like, you know, what are you going to do? You got to marry the veterinarian because it's free health care. Exactly.

It's free healthcare. Yeah. But so he drops so, like, Garfield's like, oh, I guess we're going to England. That's pretty exciting. So he gets in the car, whoops and doodooly gets locked. at a kennel. We get some... Right. Again... He's being boarded for the trip. This could be a six-minute

scene and it's really like 32-second. It's crazy. Like, I don't understand what the need was to cut all this stuff out of the movie. Yeah, clearly there's more here. The woman, by the way, playing the kennel technician here. We just saw her. We didn't talk about her. Like small, like, you know,

she's just one in a crowd kind of thing. She's a squad room cop in Lethal Weapon 3. Oh, okay. Very odd connection there I made but yeah this lady she's the lady who's like don't worry John they'll be fine here at the kennel it's a theme month for her

old what's her face month I mean this is welcome to what oh Jesus what is it oh it's that fuck what anyway so and that's the whole that's the whole name of the theme like the whole string words that's how I feel about months right now I'm like

it's not may stop it it's that lady Rory but so he's doing like he's doing like a jailhouse gag which again like you can get four to five minutes out of Garfield doing a jailhouse gag where is Garfield playing the harmonica some other animal what are you in for there's that there absolutely there's like maybe a couple

of nasty dogs like you get someone who gives like a nasty voice voice right and then it's like dragging its ass on the floor that'd be nice that'd be cool I mean I wonder I do wonder if it was because we said that Murray is trying it is he's putting effort in but it is also gun to head voice sure he's not like fully going for he's just putting a little

bit in because everything that Bill Murray's done for the last 30 years has been gun to head voice live action or otherwise but at least I get to see his face not the West Anderson's oh yeah the man is he shows up for the sure that's fair that jar mush is when he's there yeah yeah that's fair I guess should I go back and see the dead don't die

I saw a clip of it the other day I love it never saw it but I know a lot of people hate it I'm a big supporter of it. I don't like it, yeah. Tom Waits' performance you would love. Okay, yeah, I should do it. Just, I mean, like, think about, like, whether or not you like the Jarmish dryness. And think about whether or not that would work for you in a zombie comedy.

He's not bending to genre at all. I love Jarmish a lot, but that one just didn't work for you. I got friends that, other friends that feel the same way. So I've always been kind of on the fence. Well, why don't you be the tiebreaker? So Steve's favorite thing. Stowe away. But how, I mean, and, you know, of course, this is a stupid question for me to ask.

It's a Garfield sequel. I understand it. It is dumb that they are just able to throw all his clothes out of a suitcase and hide in it. And this American flies internationally and the suitcase is like, PSA is like, yeah, that's fine. I mean, you look like he's got some skeletons in there. I had moose in my suitcase that I didn't check. And they were like, excuse me, sir, this has to go to the garbage. They were like, excuse me, sir, you have a cat and a dog in here?

Exactly. Moose, like the animal? No, yeah, I said a whole moose, no. It's a chocolate mousse. Yeah, okay, yeah, pomade or something, right? But that's not even, like, liquid, is it? It's foam, so it counts. Oh, fominy.

Stupid shit. Coolest thing is when you watch that, you shouldn't watch this movie, but if you do, when this shot happens, you can literally see, like, the actor's arm just throw in the fucking shit out of the window, like, get the fuck out of the stage handle. Did you get the shot? I didn't see it. earlier scenes, but Garfield's got a really cool sleeve tattoo, I saw it thrown clothes

out the window. Is that the cross? Is Jesus okay with that? But yeah, you know, it's a Garfield, we don't ask questions, but yes, it's insane that this cat is able to make it through customs. Yeah. Twice. Yeah, that's right. So, yeah, we go back to Carlisle Castle and we're told that

the Lady Carlisle has departed, and so this is where we are introduced. One, Mr. Pitt, Ian Abercrombia's Smithy, Roger Reese, the late Roger Reese is here, like the lead lawyer for this lady's estate. Roger Rees is a good guy. Shocking.

That is weird. It's very weird. Because even that fucking dastardly Robin Cole Court on chairs, I don't think so. He's a lawyer, though. Yeah, that's for your dad. Well, I guess this is how much then Billy Connolly's crooked because it makes the lawyer character seem like a... Could you imagine?

How many times this you have to call Michael Clayton a month? That's usually half. If it's like a couple times here, you're fine. But if it's like on a monthly basis, then you're definitely a bad lawyer. So Billy Connolly is the lady Eleanor's nephew is the idea. And so here we go. It's the famous, you know, the will reading scene. Oh, boy, is someone going to get screwed out of something.

Dargis, is it? Dargis is his name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had a, maybe Manola Dargis gave the first one a really bad review. Oh, my God. So it's like the mayor Ebert situation? The whole time I was thinking about that because he's just like, He is getting home alone to this whole movie

From beginning to end By barnyard animals By barnyard animals and a CGI cat So I was just like He's a total fool I can see them grinding a little axe here That's fair He gets his dick bitten later in the movie

Oh yeah Twice I think The dog Possibly a third time Rips his cock off at one point But yeah So it's reading the will And it's like oh okay

Mr. Pitt You get to live here in perpetuity you'll always have a place to stay here and you can continue taking care of all the animals that I love. Oh, splendid. He's super psyched about it, living in a fucking huge castle for free, cool. Can I get an assistant, Elaine?

I need someone to go sock shopping for me. And then, uh-oh, here it comes. I leave all my worldly possessions to, could you even believe it Prince the cat? Dude, there's an old David Crosbitt, just about a old lady giving all her money to a cat. and then in parentheses she said fuck the poor because I mean literally these

lunatics leaving anything other than like you know like you want to make sure they're taking care of you want to make sure you're like sure you leave the cat to someone that you trust what's that going to cost $5,000 yeah sure yeah exactly but like leaving

millions of dollars to a cat doesn't know what to do with it the cat can't pay the utility bill but that's how you know it's only going to get what if you send it to the poor they're going to spend on stuff they don't need That's true. This is very important to understand. Food, clothes on their bag.

You're going to buy a cell phone. Oh, no. They want they want internet access. And I'm sorry, that's fucking disgusting. I mean, you should be looking for food, not internet access. That would get you a fucking job. The cell phone stuff is so funny because it's like, you mean the way the world works? Dude, a pro tip for folks at home, anytime you hear someone complaining about a person who doesn't have much having a cell phone, that person who's saying that is one of the worst people in your life.

And you should really consider. consider that idea. There's a great scene, I'm going off on this one, a great scene from Fred Wiseman's ex Libris where it's just about a library giving away internet access

and fucking cell phones. And like, yeah, I was just like, yes, that's what a public good is supposed to do, you fucking idiot. These fucking free loaders. Yeah, we got to close those libraries, they got filthy books. They do. They got people using the internet, which I'm scared of. You should go get

a job somehow without a cell phone. Yeah, go do that. Why don't you just knock on doors? That's what I did in the 1940s. Pound the pavement. Go flip some burgers. Also, they might have a book about a Jonathan Glazer movie, so they're also anti-Semitic.

So we just know, so that's good to know. Yes. Quick, we were talking about Manila Lagardegis and Mayor Ebert. I saw this on the trivia, and I had to see it for myself. Oh. Roger Ebert was alive on June 15, 2006. Oh, yeah, baby. When he wrote his review titled Doppel Pussy.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Of course he did. It starts out saying he was alive. But he wrote it from the perspective of Garfield the cat. Oh, that's incredible. Dude, Raj was an artist. Why don't you regale us with some of this? I mean, it's a long one.

Just give us a little brief taste. You can't tease that nugget. You can not give me a little bite? I don't watch a lot of television because if you spend all your time on the couch, you would become the cat equivalent of a couch potato, which would be one of those pillows with a crocheted message as if you can't say anything good about someone, sit right here with me. Jesus Christ, Raj.

But I confess, I watched Ebert and Roper on TV when they reviewed my first movie Garfield two years ago. Steve, could you do a Garfield affectation with your voice? No, I can't. I was eager to get my first review, having years spent with the cramp panels of a newspaper comic. I mean, this goes on. Here you go, but I digress.

Yeah, get to the pussy. Ebert, the smart and handsome one gave thumbs up to my first movie. Oh, man. But Roper, the other one gave thumbs down. The ugly, you know, it's good. I'm saying it's good. Yeah, if you're going to throw that kind of heat, it's good. Wait a second.

What is the star rating for this movie? Three stars. Three stars. What is sick? Fuck out. Where's the, the dopple pussy? Now, is that just the title, or is that? I don't see, I don't see pussy anywhere in here.

Oh, man. I wish we had the laptop that you could. control what app and search for You can do that on Iowa You can do that's the fight you go to share Right and then the menu comes up and you find on page you know what no I shouldn't know this because I'm out I got to go pound the pavement

I don't need to learn cell phone stuff Don't talk pound the pavement don't talk about your sex life I'm sorry all right pound the pavement but in any of it my career as a movie star now seems to be the real thing and I'm speaking about my age about a third Garfield movie in which I like my character to be based on Casanova or Neil Armstrong

with a score by Josie and the Pussy Cat. Excuse me. I was going to say, was Raj taking some of the cancer medicine and he was a little Ruby? Whether I get thumbs up from Richard Roper is a matter of profound indifference to me. Just ending your review of Garfield, The Tale of Two Kitties, by saying he should be an astronaut that gets sex.

I mean, like, honestly, like, if you are dealing with, like, it would be so much better if he actually hated it because it would show that, like, you have to be inventive with this thing. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you just do the same old thing over and over again you're going to lose what's good about you but like he does shit like that

there was that fucking review of limits of control where he was the movie it is fucking nuts that's all Jarmish too right that is Jarmish and uh again like I'm like are you fucking it's the Brody thing where I'm like are you fucking serious but you're also the best

yeah he was a legend you could fuck around a little bit complex legacy but a good A good man. But so, yeah, so she leaves everything. She leaves under the cat. And in the case of the cat's death, it goes to Billy Connolly.

And that's like the big, oh, but I better go trying to kill the cat now. Right. It's like, oh, my God, that could be 15 years. And it's like, okay. Yeah. So, it's 15 years. Yeah. But I want the money now.

I want the money now. Give me the money. Also, 15 years from now, Billy Connolly, he's got some grays in there. The dick might not work as well in 15 years. He's trying to bang Lucy. Davis now. He's trying to bang Jennifer of Hewitt now, and he needs the money now. Hard-ons are now are happening

now. That's true. That's true. They sure are. The dick that's hard now is hard now. And it might not be in 15 years. You just don't know that. You know what? I failed to consider that, Chris. It's a great point about this. I don't think of Billy Connolly's impending broken dick. Just trying to

give you some insight here. Well, remember, through the events of this film of him trying, him trying to get it now, costs him his dick. It does. Yes. That's actually true. Eventually a Rottweiler eats his jumps. Yeah, a bruised ball sack. We meet the rest of the crew here. Yes, we got a bulldog played by Bob Hoskins.

It's kind of like the number one. Yes. And then... He's kind of like the Mr. Pitt to the cat. Yes, exactly. You know, Mr. Pitt serves the humans. Well, the lady's dead now, I guess. But, yeah, he's a butlery kind of.

You got, what do you call it there? Jane Leaves is a duck somewhere. Richard D. Grant's a parrot. Richieie Grant is the stuffy parrot, yes The problem is some of these fuckers Like they weren't like they have names on IMDB

But I was missing What the animal was Yeah, because I was like Which one is Jane Leaves I don't know that they ever said the duck name A Wikipedia had it It's yeah Which is which

You only get I only noticed Riceiffins Towards the very end When the rabbit He's the rabbit Oh I thought he Oh

The guy who's the weasels Like a British stand up or something I think That sounds right And then, of course, Vinnie Jones Oh, God, Sherrod Oswald is a goose Yuck. Oh, no. It's 2006. Jim Piddick is a bull

Jim Piddick from the great Mighty Wind movie. That's right, Andrew, we were talking right before we went on air here about how they should have incorporated some of the, and friends type of stuff. Put an inflatable, like, what was the tube around one of the ducks?

Yep. Have a little fun with it. That'd be a great crossover kind of thing. Me a pig named Orson, goddammit. That's the thing. Like, there's a pig in this. movie and it's just, I don't even think the pig has a voice. The pig's just kind of

like a worker for the rest of the barnyard folks. Vinnie Jones of course does voice the Rottweiler whose name is Rommel which I can only imagine. Because it's a Rottweiler. That's right. It's a Rottweiler. Nazi general.

That's equal and equal. I do kind of agree if you go to anyone's house like Rommel, come here now. You're like, oh, Jesus Christ. You're like, oh, that guy's got a Confederate flag in the living room. out now, Rommel, Himmler, Goebbels. These are my mice, Adolf and Goebbels.

And, yes, this old lady, I guess she was for the Blitzkrieg, I assume. Is that the idea? A lot of the high-class British, right? They had like a king that they were planning on putting in, like, what was his name, Edward? Oh, it was the king that was supposed to be the Nazi king. They actually had a Nazi king's speech. Oh, the guy who abdicated? Yeah, he was a Nazi?

Yeah, oh, yes. Oh, is that right? Oh, yeah. I think in the movie, they suggest that towards the end of it. Oh. But it's been a movie nobody should remember. Nobody should ever rewatch the King's speech in their life. I mean, they're all kissing cousins with the crowds.

Yeah, yeah. But yeah, so Billy Connolly, wasting no time. Like the same afternoon, kidnaps this cat, puts it in a fucking picnic basket. Yes. Takes it to the edge of the property, throws this fucker in a river, adios prints the cat. He pulls a Noah, you know. Sure, yep. Let the river take him.

Flanters a god, Flaters the god, drop your cloud and save my talk. And it just shows you this guy doesn't want to get his hands dirty because a smart person would just take the cat apart. Wait, hold on. Grand Budapest hotel style.

Wow. But also like to your, I mean, yes, I kind of agree, like I think, you know, throw in a fucking cat in a basket in the water. I think you're killing the cat. Yeah.

That's just getting your hands dirty as most people will get. Like it's a picnic basket. So it's, you know, it's a weave kind of. The water's getting right in there. Especially with this fucking obese cat. That's going to sink to it like a stone.

No, you've got to destroy the Evans by eating it. Make up high like in Young Einstein. Oh, there you go. Oh, they had the right idea. He should have went to the pub. Like, this is what you could get, like, I don't know. Any old fucking Harry Potter actor, get Alan Rickman there and he's like, I'll take care of the cat for $10,000.

Absolutely. And he comes in and he's like an evil. That would be funny, right? Yeah, that's sort of, now it's a little. little bit like a movie we didn't really like right the 101 Dalmatians yes it would kind of have that element of the guys going in to try to kill yeah and like

you know what that is dude that's an extra scene for this 71 minute movie you know what I mean you could you could oh man maybe it would hit 80 minutes yeah maybe 80 minutes without your credits this guy you know Billy Connolly I think is good enough in the movie but it's not a very compelling antagonist

no well no because it's all I mean I mean I hate to really harp on this but this is always always my issue It's like, it's all plot. Like, the minute it starts, it's just like, well, no, we can't have any character building. The next thing has to happen. Right. That's good thing.

Oh, okay, you know what? We have some downtime. Where's that black guy piece from? Let's make some of the worst. Meanwhile, so like the cat's in the river. Meanwhile, John finally surprises Liz and Liz does not throw up or called the police. No, it's strange. He's in.

the same hotel as you're okay also like when we have john getting to england it's a dave clark five's glad all over because you bet your ass we're not licensing any beetles tunes no just get some shit that kind of sounds like it that'll do not so bad i mean like you would have to get me the yard birds hey liz uh i know it's surprised to see me i got us tickets tonight for this movie called peeping tom it's supposed to be a class it's supposed to be really good and i'm I've heard good things about it. Yeah, he is in the same hotel. And so the

bellhop there, he's like, take this note to the lady in room 237. Tell her I want to see it. And I'm like, dude, it's a bad idea from the jump, of course. But now this is an even worse way to execute your bad idea. Just have a

bellhop come to the door and be like, here's a note. Like, I want to know what that note says. Because if it doesn't say love John, you're a fucking psycho. Especially if you're Jennifer Love Hewitt by yourself. You get a note from some guy, meet me in my hotel. I'm good. Thanks.

I thought we were setting up a joke scene with her and the bellhop or whatever. And instead, she just instantly walks in the room. She just shows up. I got the note and then I love you. What if? Okay, here's something. Maybe this was kind of like a food fight situation. Hear me out.

We're making this movie. We have Garfield Taylor 2 Kitties. All this footage, all these great scenes from this amazing script. Uh-oh. there was a chemical fire at the lab and we lost a bunch of reels all the negatives were gone we lost fucking 60% of the movie

yeah I believe it right it kind of makes sense it would play but no she's not disgusted she's delighted that John Arbuckle is here I mean she's got to be put up because you got to keep in mind here

when she left it wasn't like oh God John okay so here you can contact this person if you if I don't like if you don't hear from me or something there's no like emergency stuff going on. There's no, like, intimacy suggested. So you're just, like,

well, what exactly? Did you even, like, call the person she was here with to be like, hey, I have a surprise for leaves. Do you want to help me out a little bit here? No, she's probably like, oh, hey, John, call me at the hotel. I'm staying here, blah, blah, blah. Some people do that. I don't know.

I would hope. I mean, if you're that close. But in 2006, like, there should be cellular telephones. Yes. Oh, yeah. Dealing with this. No, no, nope, nope. That's from the state.

pound the pavement, okay? International plans at the time not as easy to switch that shit over as it is now. Also something that would stop me dead in my tracks and I'm like, hey, I just stalked my girlfriend across the world. About to really get my fucking stalking.

I'm going to propose to her so I could keep her forever. Oh, yeah. Not let her out of my clutches. You're mine. But my small dog and fat cat have stowed away and it popped out of my bag They're just like, what Garfield?

All right, well, there's food there. I'll talk to you later, Garfield. I'm like, no, what the fuck just happened? This is your day. This is your day now is figuring out what you do with your cat and your dog that somehow stowed away overseas with you. And not just, you'll be fine in this hotel room alone. Roll with it.

I would be checking them for cuts and stuff. Like, what the fuck happened to these animals? You get them, you put them down. Yeah, that's a good idea. You did all your things. Liz actually has something, has a line that actually makes sense. She's like, well, you've got to be careful. They have quarantine laws over here.

Of course they do. You can't just bring an animal across overseas. And I'm sorry, but Chekhov's quarantine law. Dude, she fucking says that. Odie gets taken by some very cartoonish dog mapper kind of character. Hello, little guy. Where do you think you're going? That's fucking something.

Oh, I'm having a good time with the movies. I might get a second popcorn if I might watch it twice. It's so good. I like these ideas, but I got to warn you guys. We're getting dangerously close to a role that they, would offer to Ricky Jervais and I cannot I cannot stand by that that cannot be happening here that I really that's where

my line is oh boy that guy huh yeah that guy he's an atheist dude and you better fucking believe it oh my god wow that's crazy it's really cool I don't know you're face and all that I mean considering his career at the current state I would start believing in God

did he just won like a golden globe or something for a stand-in special yeah people love I remember when that happened and I My only thought was Ricky Jervais had a new stand-ups. Yeah, what the fuck? Barry that shit in the fucking Netflix bathroom. Oh, you are woke bloke.

You a woke bloke. He is one of the most difficult dudes for me because, like, I despise literally almost everything he stands for, except he does have a really good heart when it comes to animal rights, and I hate it so much. I hate it. I just want to be able to fully hate him. That's usually the saving grace. If people know they're annoying, they're like, you know what? But I'm putting all the money towards dogs.

Yeah. Tons and tons of money towards dogs and cats. Yeah. So, meanwhile, back at the castle, Billy Connolly is thrilled. He tells Roger Reese immediately that the cat has gone missing. And he's like, well, I guess we'll be back at the castle on Monday to investigate and then we'll sign over the deed to you. Billy Connolly sets up a deal with Lucy Davis immediately in a very slim, skimpy dress coming in. Absolutely.

You know, if it's one thing, if you had, if you were forced to make a one word review of Garfield, the Tale of Two Kitties, one word that you could use is Tittacular. It is Tittacular. It's insane. Something for the lone men. Yeah, one for Garfield, the tail of two kitties, I'll be in the bat. I heard it's pretty titacular. Oh, sir, you still have your zodiac costume. I heard Ian Amber Cromby's in it.

I'm just such a big sign-belt fan, man. I just, I got it. I mean, Mr. Pitt, you so rarely see those talents outside of the small screen. You got to go. And so he's got Lucy Davis. Of course, it's going to be a land deal where he's going to bulldoze the place and he's going to turn it into a resort. And she's like, what about all these animals?

Oh, well, either kill him or cook him for the guest team. And then he's like, there's condos going up. We've got the whole model of like, I present to you, Delta City. Which also, again, this is like a half-bake thing That kind of comes to nothing Because like when all is Done and you know And over with in this movie

He's not like And me plans for the resort They're cooked Like there's nothing When all is done and dusted Right? Yeah He grabs her and he's like

Well I'm taken He's like well I'm quite taken with you Oh man No but seriously stop touching me I'm pushing my boot and against your leg Can you feel me hard Willie against your leg I can and I'm going

to call the police. Call a Bobby. It's 2006. Who would care? Well, you got a point there. Maybe the duck will save me. I mean, the fucking, I hate this shit where it's just like, the Billy Connolly's entire, like, what he wants is just money and like condos and just, ah, it's not something you actually care about. It doesn't, like, it would be funny if he actually had a vendetta against the lady.

And they showed it. Well, or it's a thing, right, where he's pissed off and it's like, you know, I waited on her hand and foot, you know, in her final years, and she screwed me, you know, and that's transformation. That's going from a meek character. You get to turn into a villainous character. Right. That's an interesting thing to do. We also get a little, there's, like, tourism going on because everyone knows that the cat now runs the estate.

Sure. So, Billy Conley's like going around, trying to do his plans or whatever, and he runs into Mr. Melissa McCarthy for five seconds. Oh, this one happens earlier. Yeah, it's the same tourist group thing. It's the rarest of a fucking by himself Ben Falcone fucking. Yes. It's the rarest of all things. And this is like a pre-fame Ben Falcone too where it's like I've got I've got money or my wife's fame.

Either way, we've got it. We've got money to help me take care of myself a little bit. Like this dude looks like a college student that just rolled out the bed. I mean, he is disheveled in this movie. What I heard was he was asking the director a bunch of questions about how to direct a bad movie. You know what he was like, was shadowing. How do you... What is a bad decision? Oh, that's interesting.

Hear me out. I don't want to make a good move. I want to make a series of bad move. I have a really talented wife that I want to ruin her career. Oh, he directed some of those? Oh, yeah. He directed a lot of those. A bunch of her movies, dude. What were those like, spy? No, the spy was Paul Feig.

The good ones are not him. Tammy, I think, might have been him. I guess I just don't remember these movies. I think Tammy might have been him. Did he do identity theft with her and Bateman, I think? That's another piece of shit movie. I'm going to pull it up. Here we go. But yeah, no, he's directed a couple of real, real bad ones. It's okay

to like them, too. And he still can't make him this short. He's still chasing the shadow of Garfield, too. He can't get it that short. Speaking of him being... He suckled at the tea to the master, my friend. Speaking of him being in movies that his wife is in, I did not notice, does he pop up and unfrosted or no?

Oh, I couldn't tell you. He has directed Tammy, the boss, life of the party? The boss is a bad one because that's just kind of a remake-ish of Troop Beverly Hills, which is a way better movie. Super Intelligence, which I never heard of. That's the one that everybody agrees is the worst of the bunch.

Is that the one where she's a superhero? No, that's the next one, which he also directed. Thunder Force, ladies and gentlemen. I have not seen any of these. She's the queen of secret movies. She did that genie movie last Christmas or whatever the fuck. Yeah, I think Super Intelligence is the, like, Alexa. it's a super Alexa

When an all-powerful superintendents chooses to study An Average Carol Peters to fade to the world Hanks in the balance As the AI decides to save or enslave Or destroy humanity It's up to Carol To prove that people are worth to say Could you imagine if it was down to Carol?

Oh, could you just? Oh my God That's a funny premise. You know, I got all these bad movies in my head You know, I'm a young guy I just want to get him out. Get him out. What's the best way to explain to an executive

They've had to piss away millions of dollars on a project. I'm coming to you, director of Garfield and Taylortony. They love pissing, too. Here, let me show you a picture of my wife in my wallet here. Give me money, please. Another bad, like, I guess it's, I mean, it's got to be for the dads, you know, and the adults in general. Sure. When, so of course, Garfield and Odie, they fake like a room service call or, or no, uh, housekeeping comes.

and they're, they're escaping. Garfield, 100% does a fava beans and a nice chaotic joke. And you're just like, yeah, let's get some, let's get out of here and get some chow before I eat you, Yodi. I'm going to eat you with. That's what it is. 16 years later. Just rolling my eyes, dude.

And, well, you know, little kids love silence of the lines. Oh, they do, yeah. Buffalo Bill's the best. Buffalo Bill, Buffalo Bill, Buffalo Bill, Buffalo Bill. It's Black I. Peas start playing. Let's bump our ass to Buffalo Bill. Ted Levine just passes the camera, looks directly at it. Hi, kids.

Tonight's going to be a good, good night. Oh, I can't even get involved with this lasagna. Oh, dude, it's the black eyed peat that Ted Levine puts on a hat and tight dance in it. And it's all in night vision. Of course. No, but so then now, goodbye horses. Now that was a bopper. That's a baby bopper.

So you get, now you finally get some Garfield running around. I think this is the Big Ben Pitt. This is when he goes up to the queen. He's like, these people can't do anything. Dude, did you guys notice the line that he tosses at the queen here? And I think it's got to be a, we want the adults to use their brain to replace one word for another. The queen is coming through. And of course, it's like the queen's corgis.

So that's what we're focusing on. And you don't see the face of the actress. This looks cheap It's terrible That's no queen That is no queen That is no hill of mirror either But he goes

And the queen Like ignores him or whatever And Garfield is offended Right He calls the queen A stuck up little punk Oh wow Punk

What other words Got a you and an end Right in the middle Dude I was I was blur I deposit rewind He should have just said it They love saying it over there I know they do

I know they do But we can't say it here Why can't I say I don't know how that happened They get to do it and we don't. I don't know how it happens. Oh, come on. Let's have Garfield say it. They don't know what it means. Yeah, these little kids aren't going to be. Come on.

And now in this scene, Garfield's ordering some, what we would call cigarettes. Let's see what happens. Let's take a look. They don't know what it means. Just let it fly. What a wild country they got. Good for them. Yes, and we are. We are doing, of course, the mandatory, let's try to. make the Royal Guard react and wouldn't you know it the way he finally reacts is because Odie just takes a huge piss on his foot sure that's kind of funny now is there

anything the trivia was this actually hot dog piss coming up or was this like movie magic was this actual yeah maybe there's they probably do you think they train dogs to piss on people yeah like how to get that dog to piss on that guy I love movie I'm shadowing you I want to know how they got the dog piss out you know I read a book about D-D W. Griffith, and he said, just give a dog a lot of water and point. And, you know, I just think about that all the time. Can you imagine that you're the special effects person who it's like, we can't get the dog to piss on command,

so you need to strap a little tiny tube to it, like the back of it to do the pissing effect? This is why Christy Noem killed her dog. It wouldn't piss on commands. On the pad, on the pad, I said. But somewhere throughout the course of their London lollygagging here, Mr. Pitt is going into town to pick up some suits for Billy Connolly at the Taylor, and wouldn't you know it,

he sees Garfield, they almost run him over right in the middle of the street. He's like, oh, Prince, what are you doing here? Let's go back to the castle, and that's how that happens. And it's this weird, like, tradeoff right in the same scene because Prince, who's been in the river, there is a sign that's like 40 miles

to London. He's in the sewer. He comes up and sees Odie. He's covered in piss and shit. Andy Dufrained his way into He looked so much shit on this guy. He looked like all the kids in the audience. Garfield, the cat.

Crawled through 50 miles of shit and piss and God knows what, to freedom. They came out of free cat. Now he's living on a beach, fixing up a boat. San Juanitao. San Juanta Cato. I'd like to say

that the sisters didn't get to Garfield that day. I really would. Oh my God But a kennel is in a nice place There you're going to get Morgan Freeman As some other cat Now we got a movie Prison movie would be better

Just do the kennel It's the kennel story Also 06 Like we were still Loving that March of the Penguins movie That was when I guess You know we were like Oh yeah he does voiceover really well

Yeah So you could have done it again right here That would have been something If you had stock in Morgan Freeman You should have sold it right at that point. That's the highest it ever went. Yep. Did you want to ever see the Forst of the Penguins?

No. Oh, the Saget thing? Yeah. I think I saw clips of it. I never watched it. It was a room full of high dudes in 2007 or whatever it was. That's the time to watch Fars of the Penguins. We turned it off.

It never happened before. It was just like, you know, just like, this sucks. You don't really turn it off. Did you change over to Meet the Spartans? Probably. Meet the Spartans. Epic movie? We're going to get Epic movie in here.

yeah oh man superhero movie that was another one all written by the guy who went went on to do trinople right and became the uh wGA president oh is that Craig mazen oh really Craig Mason wrote those movies go through his filmography it is oh weird scary everybody's got to eat dude through very scary but so now the the cats have been officially switched Garfield makes it up to Carlisle Manor um and I think also sort of at this point he thinks that John doesn't love like there's a moment where something something like oh man nobody even cares about me no one would even miss is that happening sort of here i don't know i don't recall it in the movie it's the liz thing yes he's going to leave me for liz and blah blah blah yeah he's going to leave me

for liz and blah blah blah so now when he gets to carloor manor he's like oh this is living he is living and all the barnyard animals are like why does our prince all of a sudden like talk and act like a 1960s vagus showman that's sort of weird you've got this is a left line from we had an initial casting thing and now we don't have it anymore but we didn't change the line where Richard E.

Grant as the parrot says he's they're like oh that's maybe that's not Prince the Cat and Richard E. Grant says he's not even the cat formerly known as Prince which is definitely a leftover joke because Prince the artist was supposed to voice Prince

the cat. I just don't understand how that would even have happened. I don't know but apparently this was speaking of fucking food fight and having to redo stuff or whatever apparently like Prince recorded a bunch of dialogue and it didn't work or whatever and they were like no now it's got to be Tim Curry but because the performance was so different

they had to reanimate a lot of the Prince stuff interesting that's crazy by the way I need to apologize to Craig Mason this is his filmography that made me think that he wrote Rocket Man the Harlan Williams movie oh senseless scary movie three scary movie four there it is superhero movie

That's the one that stuck in my crowd Former episode senseless Hangover Part 2 Identity Thief Hangover part 3 Huntsman The Huntsman Winters War Then Chernobyl

I feel like I'm going through Chernobyl But yes So like he's But he doesn't know what the deal is But like Bob Hoskins realizes I think he overhears Billy Connolly's speech to Lucy Davis

It's like oh they're going to kill us all So we have to like prop up this fake dictator. Right, because this way, if he still is the rightful heir to Carlyle Castle, then we're all gravy, and no one's being

euthanized in Christy Noem's backyard. I also think the stakes are a little high for these animals. I would just be like, they're going to make us leave our home. Thank you. That's cute. You know what I mean? It's not like chicken run where it's all chicken, so then you know it's death. You know what the deal is with those chickens are changed.

I'm going to go to the shit. I'm going to kill a bull of fucking parrot and anything I see. Dude, yeah, that's the craziest part, right? There's like a bull on the property. It's, I don't think you're getting away with that, dude. No, I'm going to donate him to Spain. Get some, I want a couple of bodies on this bowl, at least.

Get him running through Spain, kill a few people. Stabbed with a sword for that fucking barbaric entertainment. Would it be great him getting in the ass by a bull in this movie? I know that's too expensive to show. Yeah, a real, like, boing, he gets poked with the horns. He's flying in the sky. You got hit so hard on the movie. the fanny stars are coming up

but he's Garfield is now in the manner and he's still like showing Lucy Davis around he's going to go oh this will be that that'll be this I'm going to grab your arse and he's like but what? He's a oh it's Prince's back and he has to see a ghost cat

so this is when he enlists Rommel to get Prince slash Garfield and this is what he's like how does it is it's it's pants he's using right or something or yeah he's like oh yeah like sniff these trousers, you see.

And that's what you're going to go chow down on instead of Garfield. And Rommel gets the scent. I guess Bill Connolly ain't washing them pants too good. And... Oil, you love trousers. Fucking bites this dude in the dick. Yeah. It's 2006, of course,

Vinnie Jones is voicing Rommel. That was the law at the time. Wasn't 06 also the same year as I'm the joggernaut bitch? Was last stand 06? I think it is. Or 07, maybe. It's around that time, though. Yes, but it was legally Vinnie Jones had to be in the three to five movies a year.

Man, speaking of sell your stock, holy goddamn. 2006 was the time to sell your Vinny Jones. He's got to have secret movies, right? He's got secret movies, well, he's got secret TV shows. He's doing the TV show of Guy Ritchie's The Gentleman. Oh, really? That's what he's going to do.

The TV show that people are trying to tell me to watch, and I'm telling them, go fuck yourself. Called The Gentleman. I think the gentleman is the last, the most recent movie that I've just flat out turned off. We watched like 20 minutes of it and I was like, I kind of don't even understand what's happening in this movie

and we totally turned it off. Yeah. Somewhere around here, it's got nothing to do with what we're talking about right now, but it's just a quick cutaway thing and I wanted to mention it because it is indeed the saddest, the most pathetic part of this movie, John Arbuckle, talking with what he believes to be Garfield, it's Prince the Cap

but he's like, you know Garfield, I'd really like it if you were in my wedding. Oh, man. Oh, it sucks. It's really bad. This motherfucker's got no friends at all. Look, you know what? If you're that close your cat and you've trained it to like bring the fucking ring down, whatever.

No. If that cat is your best man. Yeah, that's right. You've got to find a bridge and you've got to find a way off this. Oh, they're walking. No, no, no. It's got to be a tuxedo cat for that. Oh, that's true.

Yeah, save on the wardrobe. Exactly. That makes sense. You need, you really, yeah, ring bearer is the high. office a cat can hold that is it in a wedding yeah it should not be given a massive fortune

you know through bequeathment it should not be elected to be the mayor of the town farthest it can go as far as human operations is walking a ring box down the aisle John stop it just get one of the girls do no no no come on buddy throw the pedals throw the pedals

throw the petals on the little thing my niece is crying she wanted to be the flower no my cat has to be a flower And it's wandering off, it's wandering off, it's hurting back a little bit. It's batting at the curtains. No, he doesn't like that either. Well, this wedding's ruined. Oh, it's fire.

That's fire. Okay, things are on fire now. Good. That's a sign of good luck at a wedding. Somewhere around here, too, we can't miss it. Winston is showing Garfield the ropes in the manner. And it's like, oh, yeah, get into the fucking dumbwaiter, whatever the situation is. and Garfield farts in this dog's face.

And Bob Haskins has to be like, oh, magnificent farts, sir. Oh, fantastic. Good tone, sir. Yes. A smooth fart. Smooth finish. There's that Chernobyl feeling right there.

Oh, man. Yeah, he's going into a toy mansion. Oh, that's what it is. It's a cat house inside the cat's house. And his fat ass can't get through the door. And when he squeezes through, he farts in this dog's face. Real smooth, sire.

A fantastic. Smooth finish. Ian Amber Crobby goes up to Billy Collins. Oh, I found Prince in the city. Can you believe it? And he's like, oh, that's great. You know what? You need a vacation.

You need to get out in the movie for a while. And he does kind of, he forces him on vacation. So he's kind of out. Yeah, get Mr. Pitt out of the movie. Meanwhile, John and Liz, we have this quick scene. They wind up at a pub. Now this is, you're fucking playing with fire. You have ordered air quotes because this is a podcast.

Yeah. at a London pub You're just asking to shit on the bus Yeah In England that's called slop noodle That's not called lasagna Let me go and play your slop noodle here Is your slop noodle love?

Slop-noy-slop-noyer do you want that with never fuck Do you want kidney shit? Well I better put peas in there Because it's England Let me just put some peas in there Everybody loves peas and carrots And there's spaghetti sauce Nothing better than a Sunday noodle slop

Oh my God And also like all right So imagine, A, being in America, I would be very, like, sometimes, you know, this happens, you travel abroad, have to go to a place, you're not exactly tourist friendly and, like, you know, just, ugh. But you write it out. You're a cool person. But bringing your cat to a cat and dog to a pub. Sure. You're an American yank.

There's a football game on. And then they're like, I want fucking lasagna for my cat. And they have to be like, what for your what? exactly very weird situation they're beating the shit out of you oh absolutely that gets dead are you are you speaking italian to me sir because if so you're getting jazzy jeffed out of this bar and meanwhile obviously prince uh tim currie's like well i don't what is lasagna i hate it oh this is the best i've ever had yeah he learns to love it immediately and boy oh boy we just couldn't resist ourselves we have a please sir i have another some more

I've got to be honest You can Lazzania would kill a cat It's full of garlic Garlic would murder Can murder a cat Like they're vampires Yes they're like vampires

Any anything from the Lily family Eric is it no go for cats onions Yeah All right But not fans They're not fans And then on the other side of this

Well wouldn't you know it Garfield not thrilled with the Carlisle Lod He says Oh don't you have any lasagna around here And they all go Leszonia What's that? We can only make that when the black old bees are playing.

Dude, and we just have this cooking montage where we're dancing around and making shitty lasagna. It is just... Oh, my God. And, like, they're all bad, but there is something specifically just, like, unsettling about the fact that it's the song that samples the Pulp Fiction thing that I'm just like, was that like a, ah, we're being a little, you know, cinematic, we're just homagey here.

Fuck you. the Dick Dale sounding guitar Rift, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oof, it's bad. And, like, yeah, all these animals. Hey, like, I understand, like, the animals, whatever.

This lady was insane. She let them do what they want. Right. No one is like, what the fuck is going on in this kitchen? Where is the staff through all of this? Because these animals are making a loud racket in this kitchen.

They're running a muck. And they, yeah, they just do it. They just make this as a luny. And then everybody's, like, over the moon. It's like, oh, this is all the animals love it. It's disgusting watching all these things. You're feeding a bull, a bulldog, a fucking parrot.

A couple of goats. A couple of goats, lasagna, the diarrhea all over this mansion. There's a pig, my God, the pig. That should be a fun twist. And Billy kind of is like, oh, we have to tear it down. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's covered in shit everywhere. Once the fucking elevator opens in a wave of liquid shit starts pouring out of it.

Yeah. Also, big, big like. thinking about the shit coming out. Big, um, like Garfield, like, this is a thing Garfield wouldn't do, right? Like, Garfield, what do we know about it? He's lazy as fuck. Yes. He forces John Arbuckle

to wait on him hand and foot. There's no way that this cat would know the lasagna recipe. No. There's no way he would actually know, like this is, you know, you get the ricotta and all that, would know it. He's making his own noodles. My God. I know. No, this is, this is not the Garfield I grew up with. He doesn't do things

for himself. Oh, you quote, you quote, This is a classic slot doodoo. Oh, we love this stuff. We love it. Oh, great. Slop doodles, put some beans in there, some baked beans. Every meal needs a little baked beans in there. An entire side of brisket.

Put it on top. So somewhere around here, Garfield overhears Bob Hoskins and Richard E. Grant talking about how, like, yeah, we know he's a big fucking King Ralph-esque American idiot, but we have to go through with this. And, like, Garfield's little cat feelings. get all hurt, and he's like, oh, I'll chew a thing or two. So he starts to leave, but also meanwhile, Tim Curry kind of forgets about his

place. Because he's loving being lazy in the hotel with Odie and everything, too. And eat lasagna, but then something, is it a newspaper article, or there's a TV ad about Carlisle, he's like, oh, right, I have to go back. Yeah, yeah, he's sort of like, oh, he snaps out of it.

Sort of a situation. So Garfield's leaving while Tim Curry is on his way back to Carlisle Man. Meanwhile, Liz gets to the castle because she's taking this tour for, like, she has to separate her to breasts. Right. Oh, yeah. Something for the lone man. It's a titacular tour of this castle. She says to John, like, it's a weird, and I think this hints to she wanted to be there alone.

Because she's like, oh, I'm going to a tour of the Carlisle Castle where the events happening in the next few days or whatever. And he's like, oh, that sounds fun. And she goes, oh, it's actually for people speaking at the conference only. Yeah. That's a fucking lie. It has to be a lie. Absolutely. Like, I got to get this loser and his fucking dog and cat away from me.

I wanted to have some time in England by myself. I was going to read Pride and Prejudice in a coffee shop. It was going to be fucking great. I was going to flick the bean in my hotel. My God. Now this fucking mouth-breathing boyfriend that I have, because he's the best opportunity I have in my shitty town has stalked me to England. I'm looking at this invitation.

here. It says plus zero. Nobody I can bring. So Roger Reese and the team of lawyers show up at Carlisle Castle and, you know, Billy Connolly's shit in his pants here. Meanwhile, John is also on his way there because Odie shows him a newspaper

of, oh, Prince's gone missing and he's like, oh, that can, oh, do you think they switch? Maybe we should go to the castle and figure it out. Cut to John, humiliating himself, driving one of these smart cars. I'm sorry. I'm all four electric vehicles. These are just the most embarrassing looking cars. He's tiny little guys. The little clown

cars. They're terrible. Terrible looking car. And he looks like a jerk driving it. It's okay to have little cars. I know people out there have little cars. Garfield himself is locked in like, I guess this castle still has a functioning dungeon with a cat door in it, which

is very strange. Billy Connolly grabs, he's like, well, you'll stay out of sight for the whole meeting. So he puts him in a dungeon. Where Garfield somehow is acknowledging he has lost seven of his nine cat lives

it's kind of a funny little moment where he's like oh he ain't that rotten whatever and he's like doing like little hash marks on the wall how many lives he's lost I should have two left well he tried to kill himself in prison in the last oh that's right right you said guard shoelaces please

that was a line in that movie so I think one life is in this cell you don't wear those shoes all you do wear that cat so Garfield is busted out because there is a secret pet exit from his jails. Here's Bob Hoskins, like, I'm coming for you, sire, let's go. And he's like, you don't even want me.

He's like, well, we'd like you enough, I guess. You're sort of like King Ralph, my favorite movie. But Garfield is on his way out now, and then he runs into Tim Curry. And boy, oh boy, we could not help ourselves to do the duck soup joke. We just had to fucking do this. Yes, we did. Surprise twins. you got to do it. It's not an option. At least

it's something. I agree. It is something in a sea of nothing. Yeah, it definitely was two minutes of runtime. That got us from 69 minutes of 71, Chris. How does it end? Prince just like falls over or something. Yeah, he's like, you, I knew it was you or whatever.

And so they just, you know, they'd figure out like, all right, this is what we got to do to get the manner back or whatever. Tim Curry does pull a, I have just returned to you in our darkest hour. Kind of lying, you know. But then he gives an uninspiring speech. And then everyone's like, oh, he's like, well, I guess we'll just have to pack up and leave, I guess is what he says.

And then, like, girlfriend's like, no way, we're going to kick royal butt. You got to kick royal butt. Dude, you absolutely have to kick royal butt for the end of this. It's like, what do you, he's just another bully. And what do you do from bullies? Run from them! Yes. I do like the old lady in the team of lawyers, like, because Connolly's going around, you know, being wacky.

at this point and she goes he's a bit of a tool don't you think it's kind of a lot of line oh my god the scene where Garfield is trying to distract Rommel or whatever by calling him girly and sissy oh yeah repeatedly that stood out in my mind

that's kind of a weird insult well I think he's doing if you listen he's doing a really really really phoned in Arnold impression really no way is that true hey girly man he's just your boy oh you got to Arnold defy that a little more

Because if not, yes, you're right, it does. Otherwise, it just sounds weird. It does. I mean, that's just the old S&L bad joke. Well, we had a better take, but Arnold did send a cease and desist. Look, you know, we can't say no to the big man. Yeah, you have to De Arnold defy your impression, Bill Murray. I said no to it the first time.

So Garfield's a distraction there, so Prince and the other barnyard animals can get inside the house. And we're like, we're driving Billy Connolly insane by showing up in the background of every seen. there's Prince, there's Prince, there's Prince Yeah, he's going nuts. I do love at one point he's chasing something around this house. Billy Colley takes a real hard fall down those stairs.

Ooh, it's good. Any time I can see an old person fall down stairs. I love it. I will take it. Because you might have just witnessed the last time they're going to ever stand up. That's true. You might have just done it. Yeah. And like the last 15 minutes of this movie is just Billy Connolly getting his ass kicked by animals. Well, he's like

he loses his mind at a certain point and he picks up a crossboat. He's like, I don't care. or whatever if Prince is alive sign over the thing to me Roger Reese Oh right yeah Because that's really gonna get them

To be okay with this money And then Lucy Davis shows up I was in the movie Yeah you're just now one of the hostages It's fine don't worry about it It's like it's one of those things Where it's like oh they're crazy Because like of course like yeah sure

Go ahead do this A police And it's this person There's also a throwing away line there That like she was in on it with these people Oh yeah she's like spying She's spying on him Hey, whatever movie, whatever the fuck ever, dude.

Where's the movie? You just told me what happened in the movie, but where's the movie? Dude, where's my movie? That's the Lucy Davis cutscenes. I guarantee you, it was her meeting with Roger Reese. Right, yeah. Roger Reese, by the way, nails a two cats. Absolutely, pretty great.

It's my man. Knocks that out of the park. It's just, it's the lamest line of the world, but he fucking sells it. And somebody does a, are we to believe, that Prince has an exact doppelganger or something like that. And by the way, at some point around here, the smart car is pulled up,

so John Arbuckle's back in the movie. And John Arbuckle doesn't know what the word doppelganger means and things that's like an insult or something. Ian Abercrombie says it and he's like, no, they just look alike. Doppel Ganger. Where's Odie?

Where's Odie? Where's Odie? Oh, I'm sorry. I should put it into an Americanese. Dupple pussy. She's dead wrapped in lasagna. I'm sorry, what was it? Sloppy noodle.

Oh, sloppy noodle. That's what he was talking about. Dad wrapped it sloppy noodle down by the crick. Give me a white and wonder. You give me that Angelo score over this, that scene of Prince eating the sloppy noodle. Ooh. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

Give me like the ominous turn. Yeah, yeah. Somewhere around here, Billy Connolly has a gun. to Liz's head. It's like a big old-timey gun that looks like the hearing end of an old-timey phone. There we go. Steve knows real words. That's the guns they have over there, right?

Even right now. If they don't, yeah, they're not allowed to have guns, right? I believe they do not carry them on their persons when they patrol the streets, yeah. But people too, right? Like citizens. Senator, I do not know. I would wager their gun laws are better than ours. Definitely. Oh, you mean worse than ours? I'm kidding.

But yeah, so he's got this fucking huge pirate gun to this girl's head and this is where the dog fucking bites him in the dick again because it's been two minutes Oh, Rommel does, right? Rommel does. It's been two minutes

since the last time his genitals were punctured by a dog's mouth which reminded me. Do ever tell you guys when I saw a dude straight of get bitten the dick by a dog? No, I think you might have, but I would like to hear it. It's amazing. I was walking in my neighborhood to go get my car

out of the garage and there's this dude and I'd seen him before with this dog and the dog's always fucking off the leash and whatever and I turn the corner to go to the garage and there's the dude and he's kind of like trying to get the dog to do so, come on over here or whatever and it's like you know how this would be helped is if you had this dog

on something that you could pull and direct the dog where to go so that's not going on and he's come on we got to go come on come on come on and he tries to like grab the dog and you know get him over you know out of the sidewalk whatever he was trying to do sure and this dog

was not having it that day, my friends, and just bit this dude right in the penis. Hell, yeah. And this guy, like, I just, I saw it all go down. My nerds! He straight up was like, nah! And he fell down on his knees.

And the dog was just sitting there, like, told you. It was the funniest, funniest moment. Did you laugh at him in the street? I waited, because he was a big dude, which was all, it made it funnier. Oh, my big dude dick! But I waited until I was, like, 50 feet away to be like,

yeah the harder they fall and it was just it was one of those things where like no one else was around because i wanted to be like you should have gone and helped him done like you should have done mouth to mouth on his dick yeah you should have sucked this cock to make sure he's all right are you okay are you okay i'm gonna need you to suck the venom out my dogs are poisonous dog sir i've never said this before but your ball sack's going to need 15 stitches dude that is like a nightmare scenario but it's one of those things too where you want someone around so you could be like get a load of that and there was just no but I was just

alone in the universe watching a dude getting his dog the danger the danger of pets you got you invite a bunch of sharp teeth into your house and then any minute you can just have your ball blood all over it can happen to you any second any day look out you look at your dog or cat's eyes he's thinking about biting your dick off that's right or whatever you have

yes indeed uh so yeah whatever wouldn't you know it the day is eventually save. John Argolewold punches him in the face. Yes. So he's out for the count. We get the proposal right here. And he needed to be like brought down a peg for that punch to be really something. Like he'd be shown his week

earlier. Maybe Liz is like, Jesus fucking Christ with this guy. I think he shows his worth in this scene. You're totally right because she's like, wow, that's the most romantic thing I've ever seen. Why? It needs to be a moment where like they're at the pub and he's like, I little shrimp move over. You don't know what I mean? Like, that

kind of a thing. And you could have had it in that scene where they're at a pub feeding a cat lasagna. What are you fucking crazy? Slop doos with a cat? I'm an animal lover, sir, and I'm going to have to take this cat from you. He's disgusting. And maybe she says something about, like, I can only imagine, you know, marrying someone who's going to stand up for us or whatever.

But yeah, so he's out for the count. Take him away, whatever. Big of away toys. Big of away toys, indeed. And then it's just animal party time. It's fucking music needle drop time. It's been 71 minutes. get these babies bopping at the aisles

baby. Dude, and you got Tim Curry the poor bastard just has to go bust a move, man. You're just like, oh, well, you know Bill Murray was like, I had to do it, man. Yeah, that's true. I'm doing it, Tim's doing it. Now Carlisle Castle

is like an animal castle slash sanctuary is the idea. It smells just like it too. And they're all like in the pool. That's going to be great for the fucking filter in that goddamn thing. Jesus. and they just go When the going gets tough

The Great Ones Party Like it's a fucking Rodney Dangerfield movie Nice I wish And that's that's the end of it And then 10 minutes of credits With a photo slideshow An extended credit sequence Wausa

A month after this This is going to be like Abandoned Wayne Manor It's just going to be overrun The fucking pool's going to be green You're going to rebuild it dog by dog Cat by cat Yeah and I

I clocked it end credits hit at 72 minutes incredible. It's really wild. And then it just like finally when those pictures go away it's sort of irises out on Garfield. Like someone made this for like their high school media

projectors it's such amateur hour shit this movie. But that is the end of Garfield The Tale of Two Kitties will go around the horn here for some final thoughts. Mr. Cisker. It's rough stuff folks but you know it's totally okay. If this is your favorite film I know like

A lot of people love movies, you know? Yeah, for sure. The title of our show is off-putting to people. I want people to know that we all love movies here. And even though this movie was bad, I'm thankful for being alive to have him watched a movie. I saw a movie. So you love this movie.

No, no. Christopher Cabin. Oh, no, it's a piece of shit. And if you're the one person out there who loves this movie, stop right now. I will send a cease and desist. It's okay. I mean, it is, it's just a waste of time.

Like, if you want to put this on in the background, where your kids just shitting around. Sure, I understand that. Right. But, like, if you pay attention to this for any fucking amount of time, you're going to be immediately turned off and immediately just, like, want to do anything else. Yeah.

I have nothing but bad things to say about that. So, there we go. Stephen. Well, I'm Garfield, and I'm going to review my own movie now. No, I'm not. That would be insane. Three stars. No, it's better than the first one, but it's still awful.

It's embarrassing. Again, like, I just, it does just sort of leave anything, like, there's so many real narrative threads to make this an actual sort of kids movie that would have some, just, not even teeth, but like, stinging power. Like, I barely remember this movie all right. Right, exactly. It's nothing. It's air.

Hold your attention. It is the most titacular children's film I've seen in a bit. But no, it's, it's a fucking rancid litter box of a movie, man. It totally, it's just not a thing. It feels like there's so many underbaked ideas or shit that they just ran out of money and didn't film or just like non ideas for things. It's all bad. Connolly is fine. He is in it.

He's entertaining. Ian Abercrombie is pretty fun too, I guess. But boy, it's just a whole lot of nothing and I did not care for it. And I guess I'm alone in this. I think the first one is better. There you go. That is just me. But that is going to do it for this episode on Garfield, The Tale of Two Kitties.

If you want more We Hate Movies, of course, check us out on Patreon. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. We got a brand new We Love Movies all about Mad Max to the Road Warrior, which is a fun one. Yeah, some more fun accents than that episode. Absolutely. We are going back to the Planet of the Apes for animation damnation this month. Literally, the show was called Return to the Planet of the Apes. Hear us talk about real schlocky, speaking of cheap, 1970s, animated.

there for sure. Who are we doing on the Gleeve Glossary? We are doing Callista who is a let's just say it's a really fun story and I want people to experience it through us if you don't know Callista. Don't look it up on Wikipedia. I'm not going to look. Tune into our Star Warside show

and listen to us explain the lore of Callista. Yeah, wait. Not Flokart. Not Flokart. And Steve, we've got some scuzzy teachers on Melro 210 this month. Oh, that Gilmire's narrowly escaped the noose.

Just this guy, man. I don't like the looks of this guy. I don't like anything about him. And then also we've got some Melrose placidding going on there. We're in, getting a little gross for Allison and other things. Yep. Getting gross for Allison, getting really uncomfortable

for Jane because her ex-husband's being forced to invest in her fashion studio. Also, might be becoming a terrible pimp at some point soon. Yes. I guess with a pimp though. That's cool. And a searching weird. We are closing out

the first ever too old for this shit on X-Men 97, which is my favorite thing that's ever happened, I think. I think it might be my favorite new show of the year, honestly.

I don't know what would top it at the moment. See, there you go. Like, if you're tired of our negativity, there's plenty to be offered on that Patreon that we actually do care about. X-Men 97, we've been loving.

I watched all the ape cartoons. He loves the ape. This guy loves the ape cartoon. loser shit. It's great. Yeah. The Nexus is our Star Trek recap show. We really enjoy Star Trek. We're talking TOS and TNG. Come to the end of TOS. Coming down the road. This is the penultimate episode of TOS. We're handling here. That's right. Ending with a whimper on that shit. But we got some good TNG with Riker. Fuck it around. Hell yeah. Yeah. Really good Riker-centric episode. So yeah, all that. Patreon.com slash we hate movies. All that and more I should say, of course. Now here on We Hate Movies, which you can also get on Patreon, ad free. by the way, if you were hearing commercials today and didn't want to be fast forward and boy, do we have a fix for you. But, show rolls on

next week, Steve Sadek, what motion picture will we be discussing? You know, we dedicated April this month, this year to Charlie Sheen, but we could have done April, which we did last year. As a remnant, we are going beneath the planet

of the apes. That's right. I can't wait. I love this movie. We'll see what happens. It's a great one. It's a grim-ass movie. It's the sequel to the 68, the first sequel. I enjoy it, and it's going to be fun as hell to talk about. Never saw it. Oh, really? Oh. I haven't seen either. Oh, really? Oh, okay. It's a couple

first time. You're going to get, you guys are going to get ape pills. I have the Blu-ray collection. You've got to go through them all. I love all those movies, pretty much. They're really great, and they're grim as fuck, and it's awesome. So next week, when we get grim as fuck talking about beneath the planet of the apes. Until

then, I've been Andrew Juppin. Stephen Zed. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. Thank you. Thank you.