We Hate Movies - S14 Ep741: Beneath the Planet of the Apes

Episode Date: May 28, 2024

“I think he’s in both Bowling for Columbine and Fahrenheit 9/11!” - Chris, on Heston’s sequel policy On this week’s episode, we’re going back to, well, Earth, to chat about the fun-as-hell sequel, Beneath the Planet of the Apes! How silly was it to make James Franciscus look exactly like Charlton Heston, instead of just having him play Taylor? How much of a total jerk is Dr. Zaius? Are these under-dwellers wearing those masks for outsiders only or what? How great are Zira and Cornelius as characters? And how fantastic is it to watch a big, Hollywood, sci-fi sequel and the movie’s totally unconcerned with setting up the next one? PLUS: Never agree to follow Taylor in traffic, because he’s gonna blow down the road and leave you in the dust! Beneath the Planet of the Apes stars James Franciscus, Kim Hunter, Maurice Evans, Linda Harrison, James Gregory, David Watson, Don Pedro Colley, Natalie Trundy, Thomas Gomez, Jeff Corey, Victor Bruno, Paul Richards, and Charlton Heston as Colonel George Taylor; directed by Ted Post. This episode is brought to you in part by Rocket Money! Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney dot com slash WHM. That’s RocketMoney dot com slash WHM. RocketMoney dot com slash WHM. And also by Seed! Trust your gut with Seed’s DS-01® Daily Synbiotic. Go to Seed.com/whm and use code 25WHM to get 25% off your first month. That’s 25% off your first month of Seed’s DS-01® Daily Synbiotic at Seed dot com slash whm, code 25WHM! Make the WHM Merch Store your one-stop shop for all your We Hate Movies merch-related needs! Including new SHEENPRIL, Night Vision & Too Old For This Shit designs! 

This week on We Hate Movies, get ready to go ape again. It's beneath the planet of the apes. I'm Andrew Juppin. Hi, I'm Paul Morelli. I look exactly like Stephen Sadek. Sound a lot like him. So for all intents of purposes, I am Stephen Saneck. Beneath Eric Siska.

Cabin' Chris. And we hate movies. Hello everyone. Welcome to We Hate Movies. Thank you for tuning in as always. That's right. We're going to Ape once again. We're talking about the sequel to the 68 classic beneath the Planet of the Apes from 1970 directed. By Ted Post. Now this fella, Eric Siska, you and I were going back and forth of directorial credits for this guy. What a, what a crazy filmography. Magnum Force, which is a dirty Harry sequel where he's trying to take out crooked cops that are like killing homeless people. Fun trivia. He had such a bad time on this. He vowed to never do an ape sequel ever again. And he had such a bad time on Magnum Force. He vowed never to work.

Yeah, that's like, yeah, they asked me not to come to work anymore. So I vowed to not come to work anymore. Because he worked with Eastwood twice. Yes. And the filmography for Ted also includes night kill. Hell, dude, we were looking at this night kill poster. That looks right up our alley. It looks so fucking good. I feel like it would be like the reaction audience-wise would be like a Roy Shider

night game kind of thing where like most of you listened, but a lot of you did it. And of course, you all at home know the 1980s stage coach with Willie Nelson, Chris Christopherson, and Johnny Cash. Hey, hell of a cast, dude. Willie Nelson playing Doc Holiday? We're just doing everything. That really should have set off a wave of John Ford remake. Drum along the Mohawk in the 80s.

And who could forget the Human Shields starring Michael Dutnikov. Ooh, the Dutnikov. Dude dipping into Dutikov movies. I got to tell you, Ted Post, terrific origin name. Like an amazing 70s name. Yeah. Have you met someone our age named Ted? No.

Is there like Ted's, like, 35 to 40-year-old Ted's walk around? 22. Is there a Zillennial Ted out there? Right into the mailbag if your name is Ted and tell us how you became a Ted. We all ate movies at gmail.com. I wonder if it's because they started like liking saying the full Theodore. Maybe.

You think there's Theodores out there? No, there's probably a lot of Theo's though. Theo's. I don't like that. I knew a Theo. Don't like that. I do a Theo. Job I used to work. And he was significantly younger than me. Just be a Ted. Just be. Theo. That's not good. Be a Ted. Ted has

qualifications that come along with you think about in recent pop culture it's totally sticking to the truth like with ted lasso you need a mustache yep you need a certain kind of haircut you need a certain um open-mindedness about orgies like steppe was saying you're not buttoning your third button up it's it's three down all the time that's a lucy you have a huge patch of chest hair and you love that people can see it when your shirt is open that's a 10 listen honestly kids you're having children now. I know you are. I saw you out there doing it. Oh, wow, peeping, huh? Okay. Yeah, I go

through the windows at night. But name your kid, Ted. Don't do Theodore. Just go straight Ted so they can't dance around it. I'm just imagining this world where Eric's just going down to say he's a pregnant lady. Have you thought about Ted? I know, I know. You're fucking stupid. Have you

thought about Ted? And I charm them. And then by the end of it, we got a 10 on our hands. If not soda. Yeah. That's my TED talk on the boss. Oh, there you go. Yeah, but that is Ted Post. And so he was directing this movie because Frank Schaffner was unavailable.

He was directing Patton at the time. Probably the better move for Franklin Jay Schaffner. Patton is a better movie. You know, I've never seen it. Really? It's actually really good. Never found the day to watch Patton. Check it out, but you will at the same time go like, yeah, if they were in ape makeup,

this would be so much bad. Dude, do you imagine ape giving the big fucking George? Scott's speech in front of the ape flag? Absolutely. An ape could nail that. A monkey. Monkeys will replace us all eventually, right? Yeah, for sure. What they say you know, 100 in a room will write Shakespeare? And I believe it, because all those

words make no sense to me. Sure. Thou art? What do you mean? Yeah, monkeys are way more well-versed in old English than you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's just typos. They won't tell you that Shakespeare's just typos. It's all wrong. Don't you understand? It's just all wrong. It's drunk writing,

dude. It's just grammatical errors. All those people are. People who like it wrong. They were wrong. Yes, so this movie picks up right where the last one left off more or less. We can watch the ending again. You can. I do like, though, it is a nice cue.

The last thing you hear in the first movie is the ocean waves. It goes over all the credits, which is cool. That's literally the first thing you hear in this movie. And then it just jumps right into previously on Planet of Vegas. Well, you get the cool. I don't even know who is it. Maybe it's not right of McDowell because it's not in this movie, but someone is doing the ape monologue about,

Beware, man, he will make a desert of your home and his, da-da-da. It is Roddy McDowell. It's all scenes from the first movie. At the end of that movie, Oh, that's right. Dr. Zayas is like, why don't you read this little bit of ape scripture and tell me why humans are dangerous, Cornelius? So this is, you're right, Steve.

Cornelius is in this movie. It's played by Roddy McDowell in the footage from the first movie, but then when Cornelius reappears later in the film, it's a different dude Roddy couldn't do it but then Roddy comes back for the other fucking he just got out of

Roddy McDowell practice to be able to do that right and this dude is he's trying to do a Roddy McDowell impression he's trying hard was he doing Patton as well

he was directing general it's too scary out there he was directing some movie I don't I don't remember I recall the title Tamlin or something yeah it was like his his like directorial debut

or something get back in that fucking monkey makeup man exactly it's kind of amazing so yeah we watched the end of the original pretty much and the way that it

sort of unfolds it's because you know Hesson goes off and he's like don't don't follow me blah blah blah don't trust anyone over 30 that's what they cut out of the

I want that in this previously on TV he's talking to a little kid like oh hey little boy don't trust any ape over 30 but he's like I'm pretty handy with this thing and he goes off

and he sees statue and he goes damn you and it's kind of amazing because there's no interscene there's no other scene of like well that was great let's get back on the hook

alright we're gonna stop off of the statue of the real damn pole to hell we'll be back on the road at 1130 we'll have lunch 12 15 maybe Heston said I'm only doing this fucking piece of shit for two weeks I you know I don't want to do sequels in general so it's just brief with him there's just no scene of him being like oh god

I guess we have to go on something that's good cut that out you know dude feel good well because he's he's a man of that generation dude even though it's like in the future now it's just like, I'm going to push all this down as far as it can go. A man should never cry. Yeah, exactly. I cried

in front of the fucking mute freak and I'm so embarrassed. That's bullshit, by the way. I'm pretty sure he's in both bowling for Columbine and Fahrenheit 9-11. Yes. I think he's in both. He does sequels. Fuck you. I will say I don't, one of my big hangoffs about this movie,

I don't think he should be in it. No. You already have a B. grade of him. Which was ridiculous to fucking cast someone to look like him. That's the stupidest part. Which I guess is to fool people with the trailer. Like, oh well, you know, he's he got shrunk half size for that scene. That is. Harlton Esten

right there and he fucking rules. If you're going to, because if you're going to hire a guy that looks like him, then have him be Taylor and that's just what you're doing. Exactly. You're splitting the, you're splitting it the worst possible way by having some Taylor and then it literal honest to goodness replacement

Taylor. It just did not feel very well thought on and the budget kept getting slashed. I mean I think the budget for this was 2.5 at the ending supposedly according to Ted Post but it still looks good and it's still it's still a fucking movie because you're still listen you're still outside in that fucking

salt flat you're still in the desert like just filming in real places and you can tell just by looking at it it is a little under budget from that first one but it still looks leaps and bounds better than like filming it on entire soundstage and having cheap sets and whatever. The only thing that I noticed of is cheap

this time around is if you watch those ape crowds, you will catch a real, but it's actually it kind of works because they're so unsettling looking. They're like the strangers of the apes. It's a loose mass. It is. It's a loose regular chimpanzee mask. But that's like, you know, it's like, you know, you see

Dr. Zays and stuff and you know, everyone's normal and then it's like, don't don't fucking stare at the guy with the weird face on the bus. Yeah, exactly. He's got a weird face. He knows he's got a weird face. But all of them have weird faces. It's only like a couple of them that don't have the weird face.

Have you ridden the bus in this time? I have not. Not a while. A lot of weird faces. There are fucking droopy faces. There are mask faces. They're falling off face. I don't think they all look like they have eight ball hemorrhages every which one of them.

I would say nine out of ten. Sure. Okay. I do love Heston. Because obviously like, you know, you only got me for two weeks. And he has kind of that long hair in the last movie. So this time they just put extensions. and he's kind of got a love lives bleeding cool fashion mullet for a little while.

I can see that. He looks like he's the singer in some like Scuzz hardcore band. No, I'm going to Vegas to compete. Okay. Here's my fanny pack and other accoutrema. Uh-oh, I'm totally freaking out during the middle of the competition. Uh-oh. Oh, my God, it's a John Heston.

We should quickly mention that the first movie Planet of the Apes is a classic and available on Patreon. Our Patreon. We Love Movies episode about it. You should probably listen to that first so then come right in here. Just pause this. Yep, right. And then listen to that, sign up. It's very, very affordable. And then come back and listen to this episode.

Speaking of this dude, Brent, by the way, we should say that, yeah, it's James Francisus is this actor. And not only does he look like Heston, though, it's when you really, if you look fucking head on with this dude, Like, look them right in the eye. It is a Heston, Vincent Price crossover.

Because he has, like, the face is more Vincent Price. And when he's got the little beard. I see what you're talking about. You know what I mean? Yeah, because Price was in, what, Last Man on Earth. And then Heston was an Omega Man like the year after this. That's right. That's a little, I'm, wait, we're not playing the, what's that card game, Cineophile?

Yeah. That is indeed. What are those? I'm making connections. The one problem, we, I don't. mind that he looks like him. I mean, it really, it is all just a bad idea. But to go so far

as to have him talk like him too. You have to do. That was asked for. That wasn't just something he did off the fly. It's my little brother Brent. I mean, he knows him and he's looking for. I mean, like, literally if I'm at him, like, these fucking spaceships are falling two by two this week.

What is going on here? I really like this movie, but it is silly to be like, it's a rescue mission for a thing that we don't know about, that went through time. No. What happened to you just happened to us

too? It's the same except we just did it like that. Aside from some cool Ursus stuff, once Brett

starts finds the phone booth, that's the beginning of the movie for me. And then it gets really good. It just sort of

I want that to be stretched out better. It's a soggy start because then we eventually go back to Ape City and it's all the

same reveals as the first movie. You may even say we have to ape the original. A little bit. He's got a Barry his fat

boss here, Skipper. Oh, dude, Skipper, this guy, man, the indignity of he's dying but he lives long enough to realize what happened, but he's also blind.

Yeah, he goes blind. This fucking guy. I wish I could see the sun and it's like, well, there is a sun right here. I don't know what fucking sun it is because we must be in some cuckoo planet and not Earth. If I'm your commanding officer, at the end of my life, call me Jack. Yeah. Stop saying, Skipper.

Skipper just hold on a little bit. Well, that's like a little nickname. It's a tone of German, I guess. I'm like the head of a ship, like the Super. Yeah. You could call him Captain, but I guess if you call him Skipper, it's more like a, hey, you know. It's like a Gilligan's Island reference, right? I was supposed to be out there for three hours looking for this day.

Now I'm a fucking Planet of the Apes. Well, look, man, you don't know, like, how hardcore the Skipper is about decorum and whatnot. If he was like, oh, Jack, you know, you're feeling this son. Who's feeling the son, officer? I'm not dead yet. Well, call me by the real name. So I guess it's 19, is it the 70 or the 72, I believe, 72 or 73 when they leave? When they leave.

So in the 1972 Earth, are they like just like, well, so that one didn't work. Brent is gone now. Who's going to find Brand? This is what, well, they're going to keep fucking sending them up. But the fact that it's a rescue mission doesn't make any sense because the first movie, they are fully aware that what they're doing is a one-way trip. Well, no, they're coming. Well, it's, I guess technically a one-way trip, but they're coming.

back and they like cast into the beginning is like it's 700 years from when we left Earth you know but it's only been 18 months for them but like that's baked into the mission they know that part of the mission you're you're playing around with fucking time streams and whatever this vague experiment was going to be

why would you send the rescue party there's no way to tell that anything went wrong yes because it's going to be 700 years is it because I didn't even get that it was supposed to be a rescue party it sounded like to me they were just following them they were just ship number too. That just happened to

and then he's like, we were following you and then we just hitting the same fucking time thingy and we got out of whack too. Fucking damn it. Taylor is fucking flying down this spaceship. Could you slow? We're supposed to follow it. Do you see him anymore? Do you see him? I can't see him I can't see you anymore. He's going way too fast.

We're making incredible time. Oh my God, the 18 months are going to fly. Where the fuck is that guy? Well, you know, you've got to, listen, I talk fast and I drive fast, Brett, you got to keep up, baby. I'm in the left lane.

Fast and Space Furious. I would watch that. After that fucking media, I haven't seen that motherfucker. Where'd he go? I guess Fastenor Furious already did Space Furious in that last movie, right? Was that the last one? In nine. I can't keep track of this.

But yes, vaguely, Brett crashes with his skipper, who is a blind dude, he dies. It's very sad. Yeah, but he gets that moment of like, oh, my God, my wife and children and everyone I've ever known is. That realization, dude, like, oh, which is kind of funny because, like, in this movie, it's treated more like, oh, man, yeah, real bummer, right? In the first movie that one guy is having that realization in Heston's, like, you signed up for this trip, you fucking pussy, stop crying. Well, that's the movie's missing, especially in the early going, the soggy beginning, is, like, that bitter irony shit. You know what I mean? Like, that Rod Serlingness of it all, like, there's humor, like, the fact that, like, you know, Taylor is.

try to get that guy's goat for the first like 30 minutes kind of drives the movie in a really interesting way and apparently Rod Sterling I guess had a brief draft of this or something. Serling wrote the screenplay to the first one I think but there was mentioned that he came up with the idea for the nuclear holocaust and the whole thing at the end

that would make sense. Heston's thing and I like that he the whole thing in the beginning is like well at least it's something new like the earth's a shit hole we were killing each other anyway at least this is new and then at the end, he finds a, actually no. I'm just, I'm just stuck here. And Brent, like, I don't even know what drives this guy. No, other than I sure do like Taylor. Exactly. I sure do like that fella. He loves Taylor. He buries the skipper in the sand, first of all, mistake. You're going to have,

you know, crabs and scorpions and things just chipping away at that guy. It's the lazy Picard job he did on Kirk in that fucking desert. Here's some rocks. You're not under the ground at all. First of all, just eat them. Food is limited. Eat the skipper. You think he should eat the skipper. Because I was going to say, you leave it for all the animals. That's the circle of life, baby.

That's, I guess so. Hey, Gilligan, did you eat the skipper? Need a little wind here. The Tommy Boy quote, I love that. Soon as I get back to shore, you apes are scared me. Listen up, you spazzoids. You better pray to the god of skinny apes that this wind doesn't pick Do you think the apes are eating people in this?

No. Like human pizza? It's disgusting to them. It's gross. It's like road kill. Yeah. Do you view it apes like that? You think they're like roadkill?

Wouldn't you eat an ape if you had the chance? Again, we know where I stand. The monkey pizza is a monkey pizza. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A monkey pizza, monkey gumbo. Again, if you dress it up, I'll have fun with it.

You got to add those spices. Yes, exactly. I can't just have, you got to cook it well. I can't just have like a, you know, like a non-season piece of meat on the grid. No, no. No. What are you doing? I kind of feel, though, like, and I know this isn't the case,

but monkeys in general, like monkeys, apes, everything like that, I just consider it all endangered. Yeah, and I'm not endangered. That's fair. Is it endangered? Not all monkeys, but like fucking gorillas and shit. Okay, well, what's the menu for them? No, that's what I'm saying, though, is I wouldn't know in the moment.

You know what's not endangered? Human beings, despite what Elon Musk will say on Twitter, acts or whatever. People are in abundance. Oh, yeah, they are. There's quite a lot of them. Eat your fellow man. Sure.

I mean, we are, okay, so we're pro-Mafia, we're now pro-cannibalism. That's a good. I mean, I guess, slightly. In the right circumstance. We'll be doing the Soilent Green fucking suicide containers soon enough. I mean, eating him a little, because also he's out of water too, but it would, you know, there's... You think there's water in that skipper? He's got like a hump belly.

Dude, if you ask the Fremen, they'd fucking find some water in that skipper's car. You know Fremen are fucking eating people. Oh, yeah. They're draining out their juices. That's the same shit. Well, it's like Tank Girl. You have to take the water from the blood. filters through.

Sure. You hear about the deleted scene in Dune 2 when it's, it's Paul and it's Harvey R. Mardem's character, they get trapped and there's still, it doesn't work, so Paul has to pee at his mouth. Yes. I totally, yeah, Danny doesn't. I would take it directly from the source. Oh, man, oosol juice.

No, it tastes good. Glug with my oosel juice. It tastes so good. It tastes so good. Man, fresh piss like that in the Dune world would taste incredible. Wadieb, don't waste your water. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's what parents don't tell.

Like, I would like a stern father to be like, oh, yeah, you like this water? If you were in Dune, you would have sand in your mouth all the time, and you would beg for piss. That's true. You would beg for piss in your mouth, Scotty. You would beg for piss. Dude, honestly, a bunch of Dune heads, also being parents,

like, if you were on a racket right now, you wouldn't be complaining about how hot. Okay, little Paul, you're not exactly living up to your name. I'm just going to be straight with you on this. I will get the navigators to turn this ship around. You're nothing, Al-Gaib. Oh, nothing, Al-Gaib. And I feel like it's like Brett got crash land and he's like, God damn, I just wish.

I wish I could find Taylor or maybe a hot woman on a horse. No, no, I mean, I need Taylor or water. Oh, fuck, it's a hot woman on the water. I should have taken it. I shouldn't have wished on that. And look at this, a horse. We have regular horses in this franchise. Imagine if it was a world of horses instead of apes.

Wouldn't that be something? That's terrifying stuff. Like Brave Star. Years and years ago, I remember positing this fucking franchise should be called Planet of the Apes and Horses. Yes. There are so many fucking horses. A lot of horses.

Not many dogs, nary a cat to be found. Horses out of the ass. We need to nuclear test on horses. See how they can sustain through this type of event. I believe they did some of that during what happened in Chernobyl. Yeah. They were just throwing horses in there. Is this going to help maybe?

I love that. This horse melts when it goes past the barricade. We still can't do it. Aren't they like, just like a candle? Damn. There's like wolves or something near Trim Noble that are now like resistant to cancer? They're like super wolves. Yeah. Oh, that's great.

Yeah. Oh, my God, I love that. There's some interesting stuff going on there, dude. Wouldn't you, wouldn't be surprised if they find some secret health things there one day. Look at that. Yes, exactly. And that's now, you know, in the hands of God knows who. Yeah.

We need a nuclear catastrophe in these United States. Yes. We got to compete. I'm sure one isn't far off. Good. We're, always dancing on it. Did they close Indian point yet?

What's going on? It's closed, but they have all this waste product and they're like, can we just dump it into the Hudson River? Yeah, go ahead. And everyone's like, maybe not. Go ahead. As long as it makes a profit, whatever. We're all going to die anyway.

I mean, come out. Why would you? Come on. That's very true. We are all going to die anyway. And then, yes, the year 3-955 will eventually come around. everyone you know right now is already dead yes and apes would be

everywhere Sarah Connor here but it's true Conquest is where they explain that the cats and the dogs all died off from the disease that I assume they got that idea and brought to rise which is why people became pets yeah yes bring that back as well

speaking of what you just said the 3955 is what Brent here spies on the the little gauge or whatever I don't understand like when you're making a sequel either look up the script or if there was a lot of changes you're not sure

heaven forbid you're the fucking studio find a print of the movie in 1969 and rewatch it to make sure you get the year right and not have it be what is that 12 years off 3978 is the first movie oh that's hilarious and this is 3955

apparently even an escape they carry on 3955 yeah that's what they can but that's just lazy and stupid. But I mean, this is going towards my new hobby horse, which is what I love about this movie. Planet of apes and hobby horses. Yes.

Is you never need to set up anything in a sequel. You don't. This movie proves it. More than anything in the world, you can have a successful sequel and the next movie as well. There's a sequel to this movie. There's a sequel. We'll get to the end of this movie. You never need to worry about it.

You know, just make your movie and just make your next, take time, look at what worked, look at what didn't, and then write your next movie. I love this movie, but it does at the start. We're just redoing the first movie. I feel that's just to justify the new guy. It's only because you couldn't get Heston to do

the fucking movie. He should look different. At the very least. Give me Burt in this fucking role. I would be so happy. Would have been incredible. I would love that. Somebody wanted, or he tested or something, they're like, maybe Brent Reynolds? That would have been great because he's such a different energy and a different flavor.

Then even if it is just another dumb spaceship guy, it's at least oh, it's Bert Reynolds, so it's totally different. Yeah, what kind of horse you drive? Ah, no way, okay. Yeah, is there any place for us to fuck around? It would take it like a week to find the dog tags.

He'd be like, oh shit, look at that, Taylor's dog tags. Oh, they were there the whole time. Didn't notice when I was railing yet. What do you mean there's a wall of fire? That doesn't make any sense. I love, so we see Brett immediately finds Taylor's dog tags. I saw something on IMDB,

like, it doesn't make a ton of sense that, you know, that Taylor would be able to keep his dog tags through the events of the first movie, you know what I mean? I kept these dogs, are you going to do it? Yeah, no, you can do it up my ass, that whole movie. So I give these dog dags to you, little ape. Yeah.

I kept them up my ass. I'd be damned if any, any hairy pod, son of a bitch was going to get his hands on my dad. Damn gorillas. You could take it out of my cold dead ass. From my cold dead ass! Oh, man, that would have truly been something.

He's proud of his service record. He's going to keep that. That's for his children that are already dead probably. But we see the flashback of what happens to Taylor. We see, well, one, it's the, I'm teaching nova to talk. Listen, it's going to take a long fucking time. What do I have to do? Taylor.

Nova Taylor Nova you Nova I'm Taylor and then meanwhile you got Brent

Brand and I'm like Jesus fucking Christ I want to lose it Who It's Dude apparently It's the proud

tradition Because years later They would do that In the first episode of that cartoon We talked about Jeff First of

Yeah I mean Jeff is bad But Brent is a new It is a distinctly bad name That is That is top level

manager of a dick's sporting goods not bad pretty good little thing there but that is the bret that's a Brent I have met I think we're doing last names here oh that's the last name yes yeah it is are we yeah he's like Joe Brent or something like Taylor's his last name too

I guess right that makes sense I was Tim the Tour man Taylor rough rough I was just calling him bright eyes this whole time because that's always the Twilight Zone thing they're always calling by the last name it's like an old you know traditional blah we don't do that much anymore now now when because you know when you

used to work you'd be like well hello mr taylor hello yes i mean we got to go back to that i mean when you see me out on the street you don't say hey er you say mr oh mr ciscoe click your heels well i think also i mean they're in the military they're in the air force they're astronauts you're you're doing that i guess that is quasi right they're like they had to go through the air force first is that how that's where we that's where we get astronauts unless you go to space force oh right over Okay, sure. The actual thing or the show?

No, it's mostly a laser tag arena. You're in their training. Oh, if you get three kills, you get a free milkshake at the concession stand in the Space Force Training Center. Look at all these tokens. I bought a whoopee cushion. Wow, someone did really good on the ski ball while they were waiting to go into the space simulator. You know, I'll respect veterans to a point, but if you say you're in space, I'll spit on you. Yeah, as you should.

Yeah, I agree with that. Because that's not a thing. Yeah, the only guns you're firing is that you're playing House of the Dead as well. Until you do. You got to step on the pedal and make them go to the next spot. Come on, you're fucking it up. Until you're doing military drills in outer space. Shut the fuck up.

When the Zenomorphs come, maybe I'll run to Space Force and say, save me, save me. And God be with them. You know, if you want to, if you can actually pull that off, go. ahead and do it, but don't just name something that and don't do anything. When are we getting Oh, you mean something that fucker created and it's just all a bunch of bluster and bullshit weird. Well, no, no, no, we don't want any trouble. Where is?

Here's the question. We salute them. When? No, we don't. When when are we getting Space Force recruitment commercials on NFL games? Oh, that's, you know what I mean? Because we still, we just love bringing out the Army for that. They'll start with Twitch. They'll start with Twitch. That's the thing is that the Army would never

allow that. They're like, that's our shit. You stay away from it. Football fans are who we pray on, God damn it. Hey, welcome to Major League Soccer. Do you want to join Space Force maybe? I don't know. Anybody out there, anybody? Welcome to the National Lacrosse Championship.

Brought to you by Space Force. The Can Jam Championship. But yes, we see Taylor, he's trying to teach Nova. He gives her his dog tags. She's enamored with them. and then he's like, did they see a wall of fire? He's like, wait, hold on, I played Moses. I think that's God.

Wait a minute. Ape, God. Oh, damn. And he's like, I'm going to go investigate. I'm going to leave the movie for about 68 minutes. And he slips into this, like, vortex. He just disappears into the wall. It's a pretty cool.

It's cool. It's a cool little mystery to keep me awake for the next fucking 40 minutes. I would say just having another temporal loop and have him, out of the movie completely, and then maybe one of these sequels, Taylor shows up again. I mean, it would be funny if Taylor saw that, and after seeing the beautiful Statue of Liberty in its current state, he'd be like, well, that's an easy way to die. Here you come, firewall, here we go. But it's kind of funny, like, because again, this whole movie's like, all right, no, Taylor's gone.

It's Brent's movie. Wow, here's Brent, everybody. But then, like, again, 51 minutes later, when Heston comes back, because, A, he's fucking Charlton Heston, he's like, thanks for keeping the movie warm for me, Brent. Let me get in here narratively and do everything. Let me get my aspect in this movie. It's one of those famous things like what Bill Murray was trying to do at one point. Like if I'm in a Ghostbuster sequel, I got to be a ghost. Kill me off. Liar. Liar! He was, that guy's a liar, but Heston sticks to his guns more ways than one. And he said, kill me in this sequel if I come back for it. And

they deliver. Yes, they do. Apparently he gave all of his, uh, his, uh, his script, no salary. Salary. Salary to charity. Yeah, right. I mean, it was probably a gun charity. I was going to say, depending on Trump, that's the baby, not the right charity. Yeah, the National Rifle Association charity. AK4 babies. We love it. It's a wonderful charity that makes sure that they get little baby stuffed plush AK-47. You got to train your kids young on how to use an AK-47. They got to hold it right. They have to know how to hold it. I do love, uh, When he's talking to Nova at one point, he's like,

perhaps we can find a place to settle down here and maybe you have a couple of kids. And those kids would talk, by the way, God, damn. But he's like already trying to figure out, like, He's putting his foot down. Find me a tree and some grass around it. We'll just have a, you will be the new eve. Do you have, by any chance, some barbed wire

to let everybody know that this is my space and that nobody can come on it, or I will kill them? Is there any way for me to do that here? Oh, great. Now my no-talking mother-in-law is coming. Listen, we are raising this baby to talk, madam. To put that side down. Put that side down.

Half Taylor, half Nova. Is it just going to half speak maybe? Right? Like every other word? Yeah, well, it's like, you know, she eventually learns the kind of talk at the end of this movie moments before being hilariously blown away. So you figure they'd, like, learn.

Well, she says Taylor. Yeah. Well, it's a start. I could teach a dog to say Taylor. You know what, dude? I'll take that much. I don't think you can. Oh, you don't think I can.

I'll give you fucking 10 years to teach a dog. Why is everyone betting against me all the time? Because it's the smart bet. Is it? I don't know. Well, when you can say insane things like teaching a dog to say Taylor? I bet you there's a listener out there right now that has a dog that can say Taylor. No, and I don't want no.

No, no. That counts. No, it doesn't count. Have you heard the way some of these people talk on the box? Again, no. You gotta get off the bus, dude. You don't like it. I don't like it. I think you go to a fugue state when you enter the bus, it seems like. I also just

don't know why you're engaging in this much New York public transportation. You don't live here. You take a fucking private car from the train station. I actually did take a private car. And he's like, Mr. Siska, is the air conditioning okay in here? He clicked his heels and opened the door for me.

So, Brent is like, he sees the dog tags, he's like, take me to Taylor. Right. Oops, she makes it left and goes back to the first movie, which sucks. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, you'll go right to the next movie or left to movie one. I, yeah, I don't have as much of a problem with this as you do, just because I find all of these movies kind of fascinating in their own way.

And what this movie does drop the ball on that I guess was like in either, I don't know if they shot any of it or if it was like, nah, this is the Brent show, was a lot more about this infighting between the chimpanzees and the guerrillas. Which I find incredibly interesting. That shit's really cool. And they only sort of skim the surface. Also because, like, Dr. Zayas, man, you rewatch that first movie and definitely into this one, too. Dr. Zayas is a fucking scumbag.

Yeah, sure. He's a total fucking villain. And I feel like. But Zera is also racist. Zira, yeah. She's got her issue. She's got her issues. Against guerrillas.

She's like, I need to cut one of these brains open because they're dumber than the fucking humans. Is she wrong? Is she wrong? Cordelia, shut the door. Shut the door. I don't want to hear the gorillas. Those fucking guerrillas. But yeah, so they are spying on Ape City.

And here we do have, again, all the great set design. I do like seeing way more of Cornelius and Zira's flintstones-esque house that they have. It's pretty great, man. Oh, that's right, because also Taylor does say, like, right before he walks into the wall of fire, he's like, if you run into trouble, go back to Zira. Remember Zira? Nova. Taylor, Zira.

Listen, if there's any trouble, run right to the ape's forces and get yourself put in a cage again. Great call. Get beheaded. There is way too much. In this sequence here where they go in, he's like, oh, my God, it's a fucking city of apes. Isn't that crazy?

And I'm like, I know, man. You should have seen the first movie. She's got to be annoyed at this point. Like, God, do I have to go through this again? Well, do you know what this is? This is like the end of Back to the Future, too. The experiment works Marty goes back and then all of a sudden

Marty's running down the fucking speed again and Doc Brown Zira in this case is like No I just fucking sent you free What he did? No but I'm back I'm back from the forbidden zone She passes out It's Taylor again but with a smaller hat And he's calling himself Brent

Great scut But we do get Ursus Ursus yes Which is a great character Great character design Right He's this gorilla general

that is completely militaristic. He has this big speech about the only good human is a dead human. Oh, yeah. We're going to go to the forbidden zone. In a holy like adventure, like a holy, it's like a holy war, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Like a holy war and they're chanting invade, invade, invade,

and they're chanting invade, invade, invade. Sound familiar? And this is, I mean, it's interesting, right? Because he's like, it's all because of the events of the first movie that this is even drummed up. He's like, actually, so for fucking centuries, we've been told that the forbidden zone is forbidden because of irradiation and curses and whatever else. But now we know there's these armies of people out there and we got to go snuff them out before they impede on

our living. Not just that. There's apparently some food shortages. Like we're, Abe City has a food shortage. There's going to be famine. So we have to go and I don't know what that means. Cultivate this radiated land. Well, they're making us feed our slaves. So I guess we have to go out to the forbidden zone and make agriculture. Unless we. list a few more of these for target practice could work this is what we eventually get to that in

ape city where there's humans being used as target practice we need to do this with apes put them in the uniforms of our opposing forces we could shoot them off forces we could net them we could hit them at the club in the head

you pitch this to Biden he might take it at this point I'm not going to say no on that it might actually be like Actually, yeah, that's just good. Right. That's like a good one. Let's have a good old-fashioned ape killing on the White House for long.

Why not? See, again, you couldn't get away with that here. Endangered species. Is that right? Oh, you just said that earlier. They're all endangered, dude. Well, in this movie, the humans, again, like in the last movie, they were like human pets, et cetera.

It seems like Ursus is like no way. He says very specifically, we're going to kill them all, and a very select few will be allowed for, Dr. Zayas's great experiments. That's it. Yeah, his fucking cranium measuring and whatever. Well, that's, I mean, for Sarah, yes, I like that she's kind of, like,

it makes for a more complex character. Like, honestly, she is trouble, like, problematic or whatever the fuck. Zera is amazing. She's the best character throughout the entire series. And unfortunately, she's out of this movie at about a half hour. I do love the part when she doesn't stand up

during the speech. I'm like, come on. I'm going to go there. The next movie is basically all, her and it rules love you Zira Cornelius here yes is played by a different dude it's David Watson is the guy's name he was a very yeah very

not a lot of gigs booked British TV actor and he's just doing a Rodney McDowell impression yeah it reminds me of speaking of back to the future back to the future too where we have a fake Crispin Glover oh right yeah but I guess you can get away with it more when there's ape makeup yeah

yeah but it's you know it could be worse it's not that bad well it's not it's I actually, the first time I watched the movie, I got totally fooled by and then I was like on IMDB like Oh, that wasn't him. Oh, weird. Well, they had, you know, this Brent guy do the makeup of Charlton Heston.

I mean, I don't see the big issue. I mean, it is amazing that both You couldn't get two of your major actors back for this one. Right. So Brent, Brent's like, oh, it's a bloody nightmare with this fucking fascist speech about this Holy War and he goes into Zira and Cornelius's home, right?

And he gets a little medical treatments and maps and food because they're like farting around in the woods and some like a guerrilla soldiers onto them and this dude just like fires wildly into the brush and like just so happens to hit Brent on the arm

or whatever. Yeah great yet it's just a flesh wound it's just a flesh wood bread but while they sneak in we cannot skip over the most unsettling scene in the film you guessed it Dr. Zayas and Ursus

just in a schvitz just having a sauna I love this Apes sauna not in the first movie if I'm not mistaken No I don't believe so

It seems a bit counterproductive I don't know Like these guys was They would overheat They're chilling out They're apes They got a different temperature Right

They're different I feel like I'm too hairy to be in a sauna Honestly But there are You know that there are hairy Big guys in saunas Oh yeah

That's a cultural touchstone Yeah dude I've seen some fucking silver-backed apes and the locker rooms and saunas over the years, absolutely. Back hair that you can brush, brother. It's out there. I absolutely fucking part that shit, speaking of Moses. It's like these two guys kind of heads of state, right?

Like, Zeyas is huge in the government. Ursus is obviously like the sack death. Yeah. And they both got their nips out. And they're, like, you could tell, like, we were so close to seeing Zeyas' dick. Dude, Dr. Zeyas, about the hang brain in the planet of the ape sequel.

I need to see it. You're at least seeing, like some Vigo Mortensen and Eastern promises shots. Some balls from the side. You're getting from a certain angle. Now I want to see like an ape or a human that has been in prison forever that has like crazy tattoos. Nice. Yeah. Apes

in a barber chair just getting their throat cut like saw wise. Hell yeah. That would be great. You disgusting ape brick. That would make more like I kind of would wish that this was seen it. It is funny because I'm watching and like just laughing at it the whole time. Whereas, like, if they did something, like, maybe the general actually likes shooting humans, like, and has himself the fucking human thing.

Something like that would, that would underline how different they are because you cut so much of that, the interesting stuff out of your movie. You mean, like, go even harder. So he's, like, the Eamon Goth character from Schindler's List and he's just shooting. Oh, don't tease me. From a balcony. That would be so good. Because you don't get, I wonder, maybe we'll get it in this new trilogy or whatever they're doing after Kingdom. But

Okay, yes Go ahead Ironically, that's exactly what Steve did for about 60% of that movie. Because then we was fucking boring. I'm sorry. I'm sure the beers had

nothing to do with it. Nothing to do it. These three gentlemen went and saw Kingdom of the planet the new picture in Houston, Texas at 10.15 p.m. Yes, that was true.

And I was like. Which is 11.15 p.m. on our clock. Right. And I told my driver, take me to the hotel. Don't take me to the kingdom. I don't want to go to the Click your heels and take me to the hotel.

I'm going to bed. So I have not seen this movie yet. I want to see this movie, but these guys seem non-plossed. I think, well, I think I like it the most out of all of us. And I think it's very similar to this movie, whereas there is a part of it that I love. And I think it's really rich. And it's a good enough part of the movie. But all the stuff that comes before is so annoying and so formulaic and so repetitive and familiar.

It's all this stuff that you knew already. And, I mean, it doesn't help that the human element is really boring in this one. It is the bottom of the barrel of the human actors. And it is 70 minutes. Yes. Until you get to Proximus Maximus, the Kevin Durand. Yes.

A ape leader. And that's what I'm buying the ticket for. And ape with a crown. What are you fucking kidding me? Yes, that's what I'm there for. There's just so much grab ass. Well, it's doing my hobby. It's all set up for the next movie of like,

oh, look at this. Let's really set up what this society is all about. Even though this one took how much that I don't want to watch the next one. You know what I mean? I mean, this sequel was not quick off the heels of the last one. We've had like an eight year more drought, right?

And it's also sort of trying to do its own thing, but also adhere to the old structure as well, which is kind of a... I'm curious to check it out still. Because I think the... People like it. Planet of the Apes movies, they're probably one of the best science...

This best science fiction franchise. Oh, yeah. The best franchise, for sure. It's a fabulous franchise. And I don't hate this new movie. It was just a lot of... like, when are we getting with the fucking Kevin Durant fireworks factory? Right. And that

just was a bit of a bummer. I, you know, I'll rewatch it and I feel like my thoughts on it and I've softened a little bit, but also like, those humans are so, so boring. With the exception of William H. Macy. Sure. But again, it's not been as good. Takes too long. Yeah. So what are the humans doing exactly that is boring there, you know, like laundry day? It's just the one girl who doesn't have a lot to do.

It's just stealing stuff at the beginning. And the William H. Macy stuff, again, is good. And I would have liked to see more of that, but I know, like, they're trying to set up, they're doing a little world building, they're starting to tease what's going to happen afterwards. You know, oh God, sometime in the next one, they have to, this is one of the last doctors alive. This is Antoine Zias. Because you know he's named after someone. You don't just get that name out of fucking nowhere. That's something someone thought of. Yeah, I mean, I also despise the the main chimpanzee character

that you follow in this movie is named Noah Noah and it's just one letter off from a major character of this franchise and it was just distracting me the whole goddamn time with Nova? Yeah. Isn't there two letters

because it's the guy to remove the H right? I don't think this is NOA. No.A. This little, this little because the credits the credits. The little monkey's name is N-O-A. Yeah. That's not name. I guess that's an ape

name. Zayas is a name? Yes, Zayas is a name. It's my father's name. I'm sure that comes from some Greek shit. Ursus apparently does, right? It's Latin for bear. There you go. Zayas in this movie is kind of like, it's

interesting. And again, like, I don't think that the movie fully allows him to develop, which is like, you kind of don't know what side he's on because he goes up to the chimps and he's like, yes, yes, science, of course. I just want to see what these gorillas are up to. I'm going to ride off with them. He's kind of playing it both ways.

Well, because he has, I mean, it's this weird conflict of interest with this character where it's like he is the leader of like the science academy or whatever, but also their whole existence has religion and science fused to it. So like the guerrillas are these more

like hardcore religious zealots kind of people and he's trying to like play both sides and make everybody happy because the orangutans are right in the middle of everything. Like the fucking, the chimp's want to go at these guerrillas during the town hall meeting. And the chimpanzees, the orangutans are kind of like

yeah, it's fucked up, but he does have a point. When Dr. Zeyas goes to their house and they had just been treating Brent's wound. Right. And this whole thing of like oh yeah, no, hey, hey Dr. Zaisa, this is my impression. This is my impression.

Oh, nice. Sure. Yeah, it's pretty good, right? Oh, yeah. Cornelius hit me because of what I said at the meeting. Dude, that is wild. And then Dr. Zeyes is like, well, I don't blame him. Yep. I don't blame him. I was like, I thought this was 3955, not 1955.

So this covers up the fact that there was this medical tryout or whatever. And then eventually that Cornelius says, like, you know, if she keeps going, I might have to hit her again. And Dr. Zays is like, whoa, settle down. Cornylis. Yeah, oh, we're not hip to that violence, dude. I said it was cool that first time, but I didn't really meet it. You don't have to give her five across the eyes. It's fine.

Just leave it alone. I'm one of those orangutans who's right in the middle, so I said I was cool with it, but I'm not cool with it. And also, like, I'm your, I don't need to know what you guys are up to. You know, I was just kind of popping in. Whatever you guys think is best is great. So the caravan's leaving to the bin zone. So I guess I'm going.

Anyway, good luck. I mean, I guess don't hit her. But it's like if society crumbles while I'm gone, I don't know, protect science or something. Figure it out. I don't know. I'm kind of tired. Cornelius confirms that the other two astronauts, that Taylor is with from the first movie

are both now stuffed and are in the ape city museum you see he comes across the one guy who gets killed right at the beginning of the movie in the first like ape wrangling scene they just shoot this dude

in the back of the head and he's there like stuffed in the museum in Charlton Hessens and like oh fuck and then there's the other dude that they did some sort of like lobotomy brain shit on him apparently that guy got installed

to the museum at some point after the first movie Which is kind of the most important thing Zira says to Brent, huh, Taylor, is don't, if you get caught by Apes, never speak because if you do, they will dissect you and it's going to be bad for you. As bad as it's going to be for you, don't speak, no matter what. I like in Cornelius and Zira's house, they just have this really sweet framed photo of each other. These like little touches, man, it was kind of reminded me of a Flintstone house a little bit. I don't know. I feel like when everybody leaves, Zira's like, of course, you'd never have.

He was like, of course I would never hit you, my God. That's ridiculous. You didn't even have to say that. See that pig's ass was into it? Of course, the pig's ass. But, yeah, so they pop back out. And this is, again, I'm like, what are we doing here? We're playing way too fast and loose with what we're doing.

They're like, okay, so here's a map. And this is where we sent Taylor off on. This is the forbidden zone. Here's some rags to wear. Yeah, you got to look like shit. That astronaut uniform. You look way too good. So here you go.

Put those dog tags up your ass. But then they're just like, okay, well, good luck. And they leave the house. Yes. In the middle of the day, it's like 3 o'clock in the afternoon. You've got to do a ship down at the Zayas Hall of Science. Well, like, how the fuck are they, how is Brent and Nova getting out of there in the middle of the day? I mean, they barely do before.

They have that great, like, fight. They get caught almost immediately. And they get put into a cage, and then they get put into, like, a little carriage to go to be test subjects on the, the gun range. Well, we're doing, of course, we're doing everything that we did in the first movie, just a little different. So he's put into a day prison in the first one. This is a night prison. And then he is taken out, yes, Eric is correct. They're then put on a mobile jail unit that is being dragged down the war. They break out of that one too. I do like the fight on top of the fucking thing. That is cool. Oh, that's a good one that happens. The way they break out is like,

And this is so obvious. Zira, I can't believe this even worked. What are you doing, Zira? But she's like, oh, no, I'll double lock this carriage for you before it goes to the testing range. See, and that-unlocks it. This is the whole thing, and this is what's so, like, unfortunate about this movie is, like, the same two sequences happen twice, and you guys are talking about them as if they're one thing. Yes.

Which is crazy. It's like they go, they get captured, they get brought back to Zira's fucking lab, and here's all the cages again and she's like I just I just clean this mess up and now you're back here already and it's just this really quick she's like oh that one's got a special cranium give him here and this is ursus is like oh no

this one's been deemed he's going out to the training grounds or whatever and then this is they're just back on the road again and it's like just start the movie stop getting pulled back into ape city I think by now we did get to see a little bit of the training grounds and there's some great stunts here a guy

gets fucking like trampled by a horse in this movie. Dude, some pretty decent horse stunting going on, although I'd imagine we're making this movie in 1969. A lot of those horses probably didn't survive the shoot. Oh, no way. Yeah. Imagine that you sign up for the army, and then they got like apes on horses, and you're just

shooting them off. I guess I signed up for it. The football show told me this is how I'd pay for college. Is this happening? Okay. Either you're netting them, and you're stabbing them, and but there's some also like non,

murder sport here where they're stabbing dummies. Well, it looks like very similar to when in Patriot Games, when the IRA is in the desert training. Oh, sure. All of a sudden, like, look, we just want you to know they're double evil.

They're in the Middle East learning how to do this, okay? Pretty evil guys. Gorilla. What Patriot Games thinks the IRA does and does not do could fill a fucking book. It's amazing. Incredible movie. That movie is kind of like your uncle's fucking Facebook

post come to life in some ways. We'll be on this feed at some point. Oh yeah. Absolutely. The crazy stand movie. But when is the protest? Because the protest is really, obviously, it's kind of on the way on, I think when the they're taking Brent down for the second time,

there is a... It's when when Erso, Ursus, and Doctor says they're all getting ready to... That's right. They're going to finally go on the road. They're going out because they're like, hey, we're doing this mission. We're going to go into the forbidden zone. We're going to fucking find whatever's going on. And we're going to just kill as many as we can.

Yeah. This is what we get the other chimps as, which is really, and we kind of set this up a little, this is the, don't trust anybody over 30 bit, a little bit. You know what I mean? We set this up in the earlier movie, which is there is this class of younger chimp that isn't cool with all this shit. No, these college-age chimps that are at their education facilities protesting quietly. Somebody's funding their fucking tents.

You know what? Somebody's putting big bucks on their little. 10. These chimps have pink signs that say piece on them. They just had these signs. I've heard enough. Send in the guerrillas. Send in the gorillas and clean them out.

Clean them out they do. Do they beat the shit out of these protesters? They put them in fucking cages just like print. We'll continue to be the people that pretend to be defending free speech. Well, no, actually, so that would happen, and then 40 years later, new chips would protest, and the chips that

protested then would be like, well, that's ridiculous. We did it differently, you understand. That's right. Cornelius and Zera are using like binoculars out their window. Like that's not how we did it when we protested Cornelius. When we protested South Africa, our weed was much weaker. Get some of the gorillas. It's, but yeah, no, it's, I mean, it's, it is brave to do this in 69.

Obviously what we're talking about is, yeah, is Vietnam and shit, you know what I mean? So like, this movie isn't without, it's civil rights also. Yeah, it's also true. Yeah, just all that shit. Which is great. That's, I mean, listen, that's why. these movies are excellent they're big

studio pictures studio genre films with messages in every single one of them imagine if YouTube was around back then oh yeah oh my god oh my one of the lip darts yeah oh my god oh man

this woke planet of the apes has that happened yet has that happened with this that's a great question yeah I assume someone's saying it I mean they have do. You have to call everything woke for some reason. They're accusing the ex-men of being woke, which is the stupidest thing you could fucking say. This movie, right, is a little woke and they made four more sequels. The 19 goddamn 70s.

I haven't seen battle is the only one I have not seen yet. But one other hit against this one is that this is the only one that seems to really hang on to the last entry. Like, it's really, really doesn't want to let go of that whole feeling. Everything else is a little different. I would say battle might be the weakest, but it's still good. It's good. I think it's the weakest. We are doing a lot.

That movie's all about like their law of like ape shall not hurt a ape. Yeah. It's like, hey, some of us apes are pretty shitty. Do we still stand by that? And like that's kind of the idea. But like talk about slash budgets. It's cheap as fuck. They're riding around like a shit ass school bus.

It's really, really cheap. There's a school bus for a battle van and not in the cool mess. madman. And they're not hanging out with Timothy Leary or anything like that. No, it's in the garage sale kind of way. And Conquest was like the, there's like the prison stuff. Conquest is my second favorite. That is when Caesar, uh, you, you set up Caesar at the end of escape from the planet of the eggs. And then it's Ricardo Montelbon and Caesar for most of the first half of conquest. And then he is the one who like takes, is the one who gets the army together. I think that's the one that has the awesome Roddy McDowell monologue at the end of it. When he, when he,

yells when he tells the guy why they're doing it. If people are in the U.S. right now listening, I believe all of these are on Hulu right now. They are. Oh, right. Every one of them. So yeah, blah, blah, blah. Brent has a fight with this guy. This is a great action sequence.

It is. This is like a straight out of a Western. Like he's on top of the wagon doing all these stunts and stuff. Him and Nova get away. And finally they find the second, they find the sequel. The sequel was there. Oh, my God. It took 40 minutes.

It was under the other movie. You have to go beneath the other movie. movie and the sequel's there that's i mean dude what a brilliant title the movie's hidden underneath the first i do love when they find that subterranean like passage oh yeah it's awesome oh my god the tile work look at this tile work the queensborough plaza so the one of the central focuses of the end of the world as we know it was where i went to get pop eyes for several years Yes, of course. But we've got to point out the, you know, the inaccuracies here about Queensboro Plaza is an elevated train station.

Queens Plaza is the subterrational one next to it. Right. Which is the case now. My question only is, was that the case in 1969? Yeah, fair enough. I see, you know. I had the same thought. Excuse me.

They fucked up the years. So I think this is our fuck up. In the future, in the future, you could combine them, right? Here's the thing. No, the nuke, when it came in and finally took out all of humanity, it swept under Queensborough Plaza, knocked it down. There it is. And then, and then exploded. I do love this, like, exploring, like, these old ruins of New York through this fish.

Like, oh, my God, you blew it. Oh, wait, New York Stock and Shins. I'm okay with that one. That one you can blow off. This is what Nova must be like, Jesus Christ, you finally get. Yes, it's been Earth all, I can't speak, but it's been Earth all along, dude. I mean, you have to fucking keep up. You really have to keep up.

I'm sorry. Brett, quick question. Did you see the first movie, man? This is me, Nova, asking you that. Okay, now we're walking by Radio City Music Hall, and I'm going to be tapping your toe to let you know that it was Earth all along. Nova, why do you constantly bang your head against things? And frustration about what I'm saying.

Wow, you have a Queensborough Plaza, too? This is getting weird. But all this. This art and design is great. These matte kind of paintings. It's really cool. The way that the reveal is given is so awesome because the first thing that tips him off

when he walks into this cave is he sees subway tile on the wall. And he's like, wait a second. Perfectly, you know, put together tile. That he's a telephone booth. And he's a whoa. Well, perfectly put together tile on the subway must not be New York.

What is this? California. It's not almost falling in on itself. Well, that's not New York. That's not my New York. Honestly, the Queens Plaza in this movie kind of looks like the fucking Queens Plaza station now. Have you noticed what they've started doing in this goddamn town? No. They're like

putting tile over tile. Yeah. They're rebathing this. Yeah, to just put the new tub on top of the old tub. Yes, I'm like, don't do that. God, that doesn't think you. I have a lot of fucking self-respect. I have to say, this is the way they introduce these little

the underdwellers. Well, not the underdwellers. The weapons they have. Oh, uh-huh. I don't know what it must been like to actually go see this movie in the theater when it opened and just be assaulted by this noise that is like genuinely off-puted

my cats were not having it they're mental weapons. Yes, yes. Right, there's a humming. It's like a beacon that is I guess guiding not Taylor, Brent, Jeff, Bill. Mulbone. To find these guys, I guess

he eventually finds a ladder where he touches it and it stops. Well, he passes a certain point, right? He's walking through it. They start walking through the tunnel because he's, it's a classic, this movie's going pretty slow as it is. Let's stop and take a nap. And so like Nova's sleeping and he walks up, you know, the path that they came down and he's

like, oh, there's apes right there. Now we have to get moving. And they start going into the tunnel. And as soon as they hit the tunnel, it's like a power source kind of thing. There was a good moment where these apes were like taking a breast outside. It's like, can't we just go back to our outfits? Sarge says we can't go back till we find them. Yes.

So I do like those little asides with just the apes doing their own thing. There's a weird, did you guys see the poster that's here that he sort of uncovers it says that New York is a summer festival? I was like, is it, it's fucking miserable here in the summer. Do you mean it smells like a summer festival, like a bunch of B.O. and fastering festival? That's a good question. Would these tunnels stink more or less after the nuclear explosion? It's got to be less. The duke's a little antiseptic, you think?

A little bit. A little antiseptic. And then you, you know, you had 2,000 years of nobody pissing in the tunnels. You animals, you got rid of the hot garbage spell. I mean, all those years are just lacquering on piss and shit on the walls. Yeah, it has to be burnt off like that. You can't just do a little watch. And a nuclear reaction is the only way to do it.

I guess we have to nuke. New York. Yeah, well, that's what I would say it for a long. Someone's thinking about it. And then we can rename it, Newk York. There we go. What are you thinking about it? It's, look at that.

It rolls right off the tower. They play it every time the radioactive Yankees went again. Oh, man, Steinbrenner, the 15th made him shave off all those tentacles. Emperor Steinbrenner the seventh. Oh, my God. Oh, God. Yeah, they clone them and bring them back like fucking Duncan, Idaho over and over again. George Steinbrenner running the Yankels.

Yes, he's going around. I mean, yeah, there's some cool stuff with you. It is weird. We see the stock exchange. I think we see the NYPL, right? Yeah, you get the library. One of them, Ghostbusters Lions survived. Yes.

So that's nice. I miss my brother. He was destroyed in the blast 2,000 years ago. And I believe the telepaths are in Grand Central. Yeah, that's their location. Mines for trains. Yeah, much like Lex Luthor himself. Well, well, they first go to, which kind of doesn't make a ton of sense.

They go to St. Patrick's Cathedral. They go all, the geography doesn't really make a lot of sense. But I'll forgive it since there's a nuclear way. But he's outside of St. Patrick's Cathedral, I guess, and it's been a couple days, he sees that murky water. I'm like, dude, I wouldn't. No, even though it was like, nope, I'd be fucking flipping over myself and drinking my own piss somehow. Dude, no way am I drinking out of this St. Patrick's Cathedral, a radiated bird bath,

holy water thing, whatever's going on here? And you know in this future the Ninja Turtles exist. Of course they do. And they're pissing and shitting in there. Oh, man, we survived 2,000 years, cool. You get a drop of this shit on you. You're going to look like Emil and Robocop. Yes.

In a bad state. I thought, so, like, right when they're drinking out of this thing is when the underdwellers start using their mental powers on him. But I thought the water was, like, so poison, that's what makes him start strangling. Oh, his water is disgusting. I've got to end you to end us. We must leave this. But, yeah, he just, he's like, I don't know what's happening. What's coming over?

me and he just starts fucking drowning her in this holy water basin. I love it. Holy fuck dude. I forgot. I knew basically how this movie ended up but I was like,

how does she fucking get it? And I thought it was here. And I was like, this is brutal. It's a lesson to the ladies out there. Just don't pick up any dude on your horse that you see on the road. You know what I mean?

He might look like your ex-boyfriend. But he's a totally different guy. Well, to his point, it wasn't him doing it. Ah, yes. That's right. He was being mind controlled by these fucking underdwellers, which come from

the John Kramer's school of being a shithead. Because they're like, we don't kill anybody. We just make our enemies fight each other. I never killed a single ape in my life. The apes just fought each other. Steve, now that you saw this for the first time, you can get that itchy and scratchy cartoon. Oh, yes, yeah, yeah, with

that's right. Yeah, with the heads. Hell yeah. It's really, it's and again, it's really cool. I wish I had it 15 minutes earlier so I could explore. A, I love it. I love it. love that this movie's 90 minutes. No complaints whatsoever. It's just we dick around too much on stuff that we already know when there's all this cool stuff comes. They add so much cool stuff towards the end and the structure is not perfect. But where it goes, elevates it for me.

So yeah, it's a society of underdwellers that are all, it's kind of cool because they're all bundled up to their faces, essentially. And he gets into this room with them. Get out of my head. I think it's a pretty effective way. of doing it without you never hear them talking without it would be way to if you're doing like this big theatrical voice of God kind of now this is what it sounds

like when I'm talking telepathically to you you know and it's just right instead it's like that little bell or it like that's just how they talk which is cool and it's back and forth but then you know his answers are kind of exposition of what was just well yeah he's doing the oh hello one-sided phone call exactly the police

that's who you are I was just following Taylor another astronaut from 2,000 years ago. But yeah, they do have to kind of spell out for the audience. He's like, you're talking, but your lips don't move. All right. Has everybody caught up now? Can we continue the movie?

Because you know, like, was in 1970? Yeah. There was some guy that was born in 1870 in the audience. Oh, totally. He needs to be handled. How are they doing it? How is he hearing him? They ain't speaking?

Why aren't you explaining every single thing that happened? I've lost. What are all those busts? Who is each one of those busts about? I need to see some nameplates on these fuckers. Toot sweet. Let me tell you. Oh, so you're the 79 year old. No, I just want to see who are we worshipping in this underdwellers? Sam of the Fifth? Yeah, yeah. It's just Sam one, two, three, four. It's funny when Dr. Zays eventually gets to the bust room. He says, like, how obscene that there would be... Break stuff! He's fucking crashing all these busts. I'm gonna break your fucking face tonight. Got my stuff on the back He said she said bullshit

Give me something to ape tonight Yeah Oh man I do like this whole set though GCT looking really cool right here And you've got the leader The guy looks like Robert Vaugh And that's kind of fun

Yeah no I like that guy It's weird I'm thinking Like Superman 3 and Superman one Yes a little bit Yeah the guy with the glasses All the look like He looks like the dude in Character actor, he's been in a ton of shit.

I think we're probably thinking of. The guy that I'm thinking of is in those net... He's in the Netflix Marvel world as Owlsley, whatever the fuck. Bob Benton, I think his name is. I was thinking the guy in Demolition Man as the Chief of Police or whatever. That's the same guy. Is that the same guy? Bob Gunton or Bob Benton or something like.

There's also the worded in Shawshay. Yes, that guy. He looks like that guy with glasses. He looks obtuse, yeah. He looks obtuse. A little Shawshank humor for you folks at home But yeah, so they are interrogating Brent here and it's like

We want to know what you know about the apes, come on They don't believe his astronaut story Even though they literally have an astronaut They captured in their basement And he has left Nova outside of St. Patrick's. They get like separated at this point or whatever And she's glad we're not cutting any scenes with Nova. Yeah, all right, let's just keep it to this.

She's having a magical New York vacation taking photos the Eminem store the remains of the Eminem store oh look Nova they can make it in any color you want isn't that cool who spends $70 she's having lunch at Trump Tower what are you doing Ova

go to the John's Pizzeria on Broadway it's the best of the whole bunch and finally after doing some like mental torture and also bringing her in to the scene and making him fucking strangle her again or whatever's going on he's like all right here you go

you want to know the apes are marching on your city, motherfucker. What do you think about that? They'll be here momentary. Yeah, all these fucking cool psychic telekinesis dudes all shit their pants at the same time. I bet you all thought that you were going to have a

half a movie. Well, turns out the movie's ending pretty quick. It's coming right down the line here, Mo Man. It is coming quick. We should say before he gets arrested by these, the first telekinetic he sees is a dude worshiping the ball. Yes. He's like,

I believe he's like sing him or something or he's like doing something and it's the big it's the big gold bomb right on the fucking I almost at the stage what do we call? Yes thank you yeah

the altar like the bomb has been placed right there and it's this gold plated thing and you just see on one of the fins or the wing of it it just has the alpha and the omega sign on it and I'm like gold bomb yeah why not that's the best bombs the gold bombs

they look pretty sweet just like my toilet oh yes that's good until someone builds a gold bomb. A gold or a bum. No, there's nothing inside it. It's just, it is solid gold. No, you can't fire this thing. It ain't going to go anywhere.

There's nothing, there's no wires or anything in it. It's just gold. This does become Apenheimer, right? Yes. This line that eventually fucking Brent has, that the bomb could set off a chain reaction in the whole

atmosphere is actually set in this movie. Absolutely is, dude. And then some ape's hat falls flies away. Oh, mine hat. Oh, no, these calculations can be correct. This looks bananas. Oh, excellent.

I am become monkey death. Well, maybe Dr. Zaeus and Cornelius were talking about something a little more important than you, sir. Yeah, I do love where we're at right here because this is one of the weirder parts of this movie. The Apes, getting closer and closer to the entrance of everything, We get to see more of their, the underdwellers, like, Wizard of Oz, magic tricks that they're doing. And it's like, boy, is this a visual to beat the band.

They're like, hey, what's that in the distance? Oh, it's just a bunch of our ape brethren crucified upside down, still alive and set on fire, are we? It's really cool, this visual. I've seen them all. Hanging upside down, crucified. And then there's a giant statue of the lawgiver that appears and has like stigmata. It's like bleeding from the eyes. It's so insane, but the craziest part about it, and it's also the funniest is Dr. Zayas is horrified, and he's like, our ape brethren are suffering, and he basically alludes to, like, we should put them out of their misery, and he, like, points to Ursus's gun or whatever, and Ursus is like, yeah, but the log giver said, uh, ape shall not her ape, so I don't, what do I do here, chief?

Right, yeah, you can't, you can't take an ape, well, there's some wiggle chimp room. A footnote there that I could wiggle on to. I do like Because yeah, I do think Zayas is even like, because he is doesn't want to be in the forbidden zone. That's why we shouldn't be in the forbidden. So look what happened. I told you. I told you this would happen.

And I made the back be like, that's pretty metal. I got to say. Because when they were debating earlier, it's like what is more dangerous than famine, Dr. Zayas? The unknown. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so he decides to, he's like, I this is bullshit. You watch me.

and he like rides his horse into the firewall which is awesome and then the visual has the statue of the lawgiver fucking fall on him oh man and then when it all like of course like dissipates whatever it's Dr. Zayas on the horse

like oh no he should have a fat Dr. Zias heart attack when that happened absolutely scared to death that's I would I see I would go the other way if I was Zez I'd be like oh big general didn't want to ride

into the firewall huh Oh, weird, I just went into it. Isn't that weird? You're not fit to wear that uniform. You get right backer. You get right back. Rips off his badge or whatever. Oh, Mr. General with the big balls.

Look at him now. Look at him now. I'd laugh if it wasn't so pathetic. Well, you can't lose me. If I am lost, all is lost. But now we know, so that was like kind of the humans. Well, that's our, we've got two moves. That was one.

the other one well the fucking magic show didn't work illusion or bomb I do like that the you know the bottom dwelling humans with the mind powers are like these stupid animals don't have enough brains to withstand the illusions yes yep and there is this

and I think we can't talk to them telepathically either for some reason never fully fleshed out there because I was sitting here like why aren't they doing all their mental tricks yeah like the mental pain tricks making the apes fight each other I think this line explains

They're just stupid animal brains And I love I love fucking Mutant Church more than anything In this movie It's so cool Because we go down It's like

Well we're gonna have to do What we said we're gonna do And we know it's the bomb Right And they're just They're singing to this bomb They dress up Nova and Brent And these gorgeous gowns

I feel that they're They're of two minds At this moment in their lives The first part is like just kidnapped by these telekinetic freaks that fucking sucks but clean clothes running water

it's like oh this is a little too much like old earth when people are going my strength my redeemer yeah dude I was getting just as bored an underdweller church service as I did in Catholic church service I do love this line though glory glory be to the bomb and to the holy fallout as it was in the beginning

is now and ever shall be world without end, amen. Yeah, that's the thing. It's cool. And I also love, Brent has got to be like, all right, so they're telepathic. They worship the bomb,

but that chick's pretty cute. Okay, I can make that work. The blonde? Yeah, yeah, I can make that work. All right. And now, just because, let's remove our faces and I'm like, hold on.

I love it. She ain't hot no more. I love it. It's so cool. I mean, it's kind of, I guess that they're vain about it, I guess so, yeah, and I guess it's all this radiation damage that would have

given them the powers to use telepathy anyway. But after generations you'd be like oh, those blue veins are sexy. You know what I mean? Wouldn't that happen? That's how disgusting it is though. Yeah, I guess not even after centuries of being irradiated monsters. Are you looking at that every day like

yeah, I'd fuck it. No, no, dude. The Ferreiki fuck each other on the regular. There are neither hardness nor wetness happening anymore. Yeah. It's all over. Stop it. Listen, they're church people, you know? That's what this sets up.

And church people are the most judgmental people. Everything has to be perfect. They're also some of the fucking secretly hornyest people, though, dude. Well, obviously. They're all the serial killer. Oh, did you see, did you see her mask? I mean, she did you. She barely put 200 hairs on that.

It is, it's fucking gross. And you know, I put 400 up there because I care about how I look. I mean, it is just a funny question. Like, for whose benefit are these masks? But it's a great reveal. It's terrifying Brent and Nova. This is where Nova should finally speak. And she should just say,

Holy shit. And I'll admit, I haven't seen. The Taylor? I haven't seen the last man on Earth or the Omega Man in a while. These, the reveal of this most looked like Homer's. Homer's zombies. This is, I was like, oh, is it from this then? I guess, maybe.

Because the zombies. What was the Homer zombie thing? He does the Omega. man and he's in the church at the end okay yeah omega man has they have weird faces too yes I just don't remember but I yeah they're fucked up but I think they're like white and

vainy or so but I think Chris might be right though that the way that they draw the zombies in that Simpson's episode looks more like these underdwellers that looks like the whatever they're supposed to be in Omega Man and I assume the Simpson's writer room was fucking in love with the

apes movies I'm sure they love that of course yeah they're they they they they like culture that joke though in the Planet of the Apes musical yeah I feel is what sets because we talked about this

in the Planet of the Apes episode where like that movie is just by osmosis everybody pretty much knows it and a lot of people especially people our age a little older and you know maybe a little younger

their first introduction to anything Planet of the Apes was possibly that thing the musical number where the end of it is I love you and Dr. Zays and you forget that Dr. Zays is such a scumbag of these movies.

He's about, he's very evil and then in the next one, Clark Griswold's father is the main villain. Oh, yeah, that's right. John Randolph is the head of the commission. I forgot about that. But yeah, so they now reveal themselves

and it's like, we are about to launch the bomb and that's going to happen. How could we let you go on the eve of war? This one dude says, and so he gets put in a prison, And here he is Taylor back in movie. Oh, boy.

Oh, man. You know what? Taylor? Then you're Brent. Even the way he sells it is not convincing. Because you definitely get the vibe of like Brent definitely knows Taylor. It's like this mission or whatever. And he's clearly like spied him from afar at the NASA training camp or whatever.

But Taylor has no fucking clue who this dude is. and it's like, yeah, I saw you in the commissary what time. I don't buy it. I think he's faking. Because this guy clearly, this was a Liberace situation. He had a younger lover made to look like him. But then why would you stumble with the recognition then if you've been fucking this dude you had handmade for you? You don't know what's happened to him. He's had many blows across the head. He might

not remember everything. Maybe he's had some blows elsewhere, too. I can't remember all these mouths. That's also true. Those could go together Oh wow, it's so cool to see you I was surprised they touched it would be the time copped It turned to one big block Behind the candle april Yeah, that's correct

That's collect right then And I 100% think that happened 100% Yeah, definitely Brent was made in a fucking NASA lab With the leftover goo from Taylor He used to look like Bert Reynolds And now he looks like this Because a grown Brent

Like a young Brent Yeah Bert Reynolds, but as it matures, it turns into its true Heston-Taylor force. The fight is kind of one of the best parts of the movie, I kind of think. This part here, when one of the telepaths is like, no, we

get our enemies to fight each other, you know, we don't fight, and they make each other fight. So Heston and Brent have this big fight in this cage. It's a very Star Trek situation. It is. No, I don't want to fight you, Spock, but they're controlling our mind. You know?

Do you ever see the movie Challenger? What if we did that instead? Who wants to play some tennis and then have a fake three-way? Look, I'm going to get you a t-shirt that says I told you. And then you're just going to watch us go at it. I got to tell you, I'm just reminded of something.

I want to address it. We don't have to stay in a too long case. Nobody knows the answers. Oh, no. But this dude that brings them to the cell. He's one of the underdwellers and the lead council of underdwellers. Played by a black dude.

Sure. okay in the credits this dude is just credited as Negro oh is that's just it that's it that's that's it that's it's it's like you you these movies trying to have a little bit of a progressive message and then like the guy typing up the credit that's like he he no I don't think so one of the other council members uh cracker well I think one is fat man actually okay so so we're doing that but then if you're doing that that if you're doing, you're calling that guy and then it's fat guy or whatever. Like, I would call

him tall council member, because he's pretty tall. How about underdweller number one? Yeah, sure. Underdweller number two and so on until there are no more underdwellers on the castle. At least, underdweller then do that word. If you must. Don't tell me just that.

Well, okay, fat man. Okay, that's good. No, can't do that one. Nope, can't do that one. Nope, can't do that one. Can we say bitch and just have it be the woman? We sent it back five times. we're going with that's what we're just going with. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of, we just have Fat Man. I know, I think I read this trivia, too, that, like, the actor portraying this character.

Don Pedro Colley, by the way. Didn't find out until he saw it in the theater that he was credited as that. Oh, really? Oh, and the new planet on the A street. It's fucking cool, man. I got a bunch of lines and stuff. He actually does have a lot of lines. He's one of the main, uh, underdwelling, uh, palo-pacus.

He's on the council. And he says more than even. even like the leader does because he's the one and he's the one that also makes a fight. And he gives a good performance. Oh, that was so good. How, where are you in the credits? Mom, you know who I was. You know it. You saw me. That's enough. We're leaving. You know, just looking this dude up, Don Pedro Colley,

because he had an interesting career. I mean, I don't think huge roles of any kind really, but he's in Black Caesar. He's in Sugar Hill. Sugar Hill, great movie. Floating around. I thought I saw another kind of big title. Oh, the fucking failed Casablanca TV show from 1983. He dropped in there for a

sec. This dude did a bunch of TV and movies, but this is what he's credited as. And then you have because you have like minister. Yeah. And then you've got okay, so A-L-B-I-N-A-Albina, that can only be this blonde undergrows. So you kind of gave positions

and sort of names to some of them. But then that's just what you get. When you get to Don's character here. I believe that woman that played the the blonde woman who commits suicide in a very cool scene in this. She's in a ton of these movies. Natalie Trundee. Yeah, she was... She's somebody's wife, I think.

Yeah, because she... She's one of the actors in the franchise who played both a human and an ape at one time or another. Human ape and... A mute? A mute? Yeah, an underdwelling. Right, because she's Albina in this.

Dr. Stephanie something in Escape. Lisa in conquest Lisa again in battle So she's got an apes egot Essentially She's got an a very nice That's very good for her And it gets

This fight gets so Star Trek-y Yes That he brings in this big dumb Star Trek club as well Dude this this club Like it's just a board with a nail in it It's like a club with a bunch of nails The whole the whole jail cell

Having like spikes on the Jail cell door was kind of cool I think what you've been calling, Brent goes up against it, he gets, he's really fucked up by it. Because then you're watching Brent's back bleed. Say that three times, says. But they eventually get this telepath. I'm not going to call him what the credit is. No, he's a telepath.

And they ironed in him with these doors. It's kind of cool. Nova gets her moment because she finally goes, I think Taylor's about to get it. She goes, Taylor! And even the mutants, like, wait, what? The fuck? And that, in that moment, that's what gives them the opportunity to destroy. I do like that you went very high pitch with that, Steve, because in the movie,

I'm pretty sure it's closer to like, it's this guttural, disgusting verb sound. It's pretty great. But, yeah, it's just all that Taylor needed. I'd get disgusting and guttural with Nova. I'll tell you to watch it, man. We'll start a new society. Yeah, let's not talk. That's fine.

Yeah. But he does get iron made, which is pretty awesome. It's pretty funny. I mean, dude, the end of this movie is particularly violent. But it's also great because it turns into like a perfect stranger's bottle episode because the ironmaided him and they're like, oh, no, the door. And then they're just still locked in the cell, I guess. That is funny.

Well, let's remember the other parts of the movie for a little while. That was a fun adventure. What do you think that man we killed his name is? Just try and guess. Excuse me, Fat Man O. over there. What was his name? Oh, no. But then the apes are running around. They're getting closer. We're storming the castle at this point.

Yes. They shoot some telepath immediately. They find the albina. Albina has committed suicide. Kind of cool, like, pose in this, like, this tub thing. It's a really interesting, interesting, like, composed shot. She's in this tub, the arm and the hair kind of draping over. See the poisonous bottle. One of the apes comes over and starts rubbing her hair. It's a, it's a nod to a famous painting.

Oh, is that right? That you don't know the name of them that I read off IMDB. Don't, don't you worry about it. That's what I was sussing out there. Oh, no, I didn't know shit. I don't know shit from Fed all. Who did that, Charles Schultz? Yeah, the suicide of Lucy.

Oh, God, bad time. Yeah, I mean, all that fucking football pulling is just, it's all a mask. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. And then when you start thinking about it. what you did to that guy because of that then you just start feeling really horrible and all that guilt compounds it's a deep dark depression man yeah

then you find yourself in an underdwellers hideout killing yourself with poison as apes storm your barricades absolutely become obsessed with some stupid piano player classic it happens every time I mean I would definitely I'll buy this got the right idea these apes are stormed the capital get me the suicide because it's like you know I don't even want to have to wait for the bomb countdown you know they know that's coming

yeah who knows that these apes are going to They'll rip my face off I'll rip my second face off Wait, so you got all this history You know about the Kool-Aid poison Why'd not make a batch of that Heaven's gate that shit Yeah, that's easy as hell

Jones Town motherfucker They seem to really enjoy themselves Before at the end There's another wrong with a mass suicide But we do get some intel pass From Brent to Taylor about They have this nuclear bomb He said, didn't you get a fucking serial number?

Yes. No, I didn't because we're on the planet of the apes, asshole. How about that? It was gold, and it had said alpha, and then something else also like Latin or whatever. And Omega. Oh, my God, the doomsday device. They did it.

Those sons of bitches did it again. He does do it. He doesn't say goddamn them, but he's just like, you know, just when I'm done damming them all the hell, they give me a new reason to damn them all to hell. Damn them to super hell this time. They always double down on you. It's another souvenir from the 20th century, a world killer.

That would piss me off so much with the serial number because I literally just met a group of people who can invade my fucking head man. Why don't you fucking lay off? I do like, Brent does have, he gets his own damn them earlier in the movie when he's like realizing what's going on and he's like, they finally did it. They finally did it after all those talks around all those. tables. And then Nova's cutting her own arm, riding in blood. It was Earth all along. Can we move on now, please? You know, Nova,

I don't want to alarm you. I think. Might have been Earth all along. I wish I could speak. I wish I could speak. I got to say, what are we doing? Now, Steve cut to our comic book expert here for a second. The whole idea of the fortress of

solitude being crystalline. Was that an invention of 78, or were we looking like that, and the Forge was of Solitude before that? Great question. I don't have the answer to that. I mean, because I don't, I said, yeah, because I wanted to ask, because I want to make the claim of, like, Donna ripped it off or whatever. But, like, we are having crystal controls on this. It's also, yeah, I think that's more of a Donner invention, because it was always, like, Superman had this big lab. It was more of a place. All the crystalline stuff was the 78 movie.

I would put my reputation on it. Wow, you'd put your reputation. As the comic book expert, you would let that? I'd put my glasses on it. Oh, boy, we'd get to break them if you're wrong. My glasses. It also reminds me of Star Trek, which we talked about before. There was always some society with these little crystal controls.

It's cool because, yeah, there's three little levers of a blue and orange and a red, and obviously we know what the red one does. Right. We're in a mad dash now to the fireworks factory. The apes are getting in. They bust up the bust. I love the bus. It's so, like, and I mean, like, it's, we're talking about what we've been talking about

this whole movie, which is blind aggression, you know what I mean? It doesn't matter if it's ape human or whatever. That's kind of where we, this movie lands. It's like, it don't matter. That's where we're going no matter what. Apes can go from humans, humans can go from apes. We're all the same asshole. Burn the planet to a cinder.

How's that for a weapon? Yeah. And then Nova gets shot. Yeah, that's a crazy, like they're running through the hallway. And it's like, oh, oh, look out. and like one dude just sprays and gets her right in the gut or whatever kills her instantly. And Heston's got great lines after that.

Like, ah, God should let them all die. The guerrillas, every damn. Look, look what it comes to. It's time we finished. Finished it or whatever. This temple is finished. Yeah, that's great. It's fucking great.

He's had it with these damn dirty apes, man. You know, at the same time, I'm like, don't bring Heston back. Get a guy that doesn't look like Heston and just do it every movie. But when Heston's in this movie, movie it's it's good because Brent gives him the football and it's his movie for the rest of the movie once he

shows up except for a fantastic Brent death which is like fucking a glorious bastards level squib works Oh God it's so good So we're there right let's get to it like we get to the main Hall at St. Factory's Cathedral which I mean wild it's very crazy that that's happening They're like great great idea there

Big shootout the apes invade They see the bomb they kind of don't know Really like what to make of it but this fucking shootout is going on and Brent grabs a gun. Him and Taylor are sort of separated on either side of the room and one ape just gets a fucking shot off

in just the right way and you see it blast between the eyes sprays back this dude falls dead. I think Ursus gets murdered by Brett before this though. Yes. So Brett does get a kill. So there's a guy that's like this is my god. Holy shit

he can speak and he's going to set off the bomb but he gets shot by the apes before he could do that. And then Ursus is just like, I'm just going to shoot at the bomb. Yeah. And then Dr. Zay's like, whoa,

what the fuck? Let's, let's think this through it. Yeah, hang on a second. Pull it down. Let's really fuck with this bomb. Because you have to remember,

of course, Dr. Zeyas has all of that, like, secret intel about what really happened to the planet. Because he knew about the archaeological digs with the toy that can talk. Yeah, and he knows what they mean by make your land the desert.

You know what I mean? Like that's what that is. Yep. And then he's like, Taylor. Of course you'd be here Of course He doesn't realize at first

He's like there's someone up at the pillar So they shoot him And it's like fucking Taylor Didn't I just fucking let you Didn't you just leave a week ago? What are you here for? I thought we were good man What the fuck?

But I'm back I'm back for the sequel Not for long No he gets shot for it And it is kind of a fake out You think he's dead But he's got to crawl alive Because the dude

whose movie it was this whole time is assassinated, right? Because, like, Taylor gets shot and he falls and then gets back up. There's no mistaking Brent's fate. This dude is dead. He's dead before he hits the ground. Yes. And here we go. He's crawling up. You, bloody

bastards. And you're still getting to dig and, like, man, is only capable of destruction. It's like, shut up. You're damn right. We are. Bam. Oh, you think you want to see destruction? Get ready for it, big fucker. At who his last line is like, you bloody bastard.

Yeah, it's great. It's great. And he sets it off. Yes. The screen goes like to whiteish or whatever. Which is kind of fascinating because, I mean, what you know about the big line is you blew it up, you bet. But he's a man. I blew it up. He's going to do it. That's what happens.

You give any of these assholes this bomb. You kill his main squeeze. Guess what's going to happen? He's going to destroy fucking reality. I would do it over like a. an order being wrong at the deli. If you had a nuclear bomb, there'd be no world. Oh, no, no, no. God, I would love there to be no world.

At all costs, avoid Eric getting near the bus. Under no circumstances. Just hand me a suitcase, nuke. I know they're out there. I'd rather the Tasmanian devil be given that fucking option. But everything goes white. It's great. I had that narration at the end. Fucking, dude, it's like, here we are in the universe, and there's a sun.

And one of its satellites. a green and insignificant planet is now dead. That's it. End of movie, motherfucker. Incredible. If you notice, though, there's a little spaceship

heading from outside of it. Oh, yeah. And that has the two. Yes, okay, they don't have that. This is not in this movie, but at the start of escape from the planet of the apes, what happens is Zira Cornelius

and Dr. Milo, which is a really smart chimpanzee that we haven't really met before. Never met now. Dr. Milo had been doing research on Taylor's spaceship and they figure out a way to get off planet right before the

Which is, I mean, and again by a fucking dumb hobby horse, it doesn't need to be in this movie. You can just put it in the next movie. Yes, exactly. That's the brilliance of these movies is they leave you like, holy fucking stunned and the next movie figures out a way to get you back there without setting it up. And there's no, there's no way. And I'm not, I am not

a fan or a proponent. I do not support the notion going around saying, you could make x today because you're going to find a way to make fucking whatever today but a Hollywood studio would not let you do this today you would not blow up the planet right to the second you know at the end of the second movie in what is a you know you're hoping to be a successful thing sure because it would just be like well what do we do for three well let's figure that out when we know for sure we're going to do a three I mean the most the closest one is that infinity war ending but obviously as it

was the sequel is coming out in six months. Everybody knew the sequel's coming out in six months. It's a little less teeth unless you're like an eight-year-old kid who I'm sure pissed his pants and holy fuck. It rang hollow as fuck. You knew it was going to be completely done. Oh, because that first Avenger the third Avengers movie ends with the blip

and everybody's getting a race. And you're like, holy shit what's going on and I mean like yeah, but you assume if Escape with the Planet of the Apes was announced and coming out five months after this movie, it would probably take the sting out of that nuclear explosion. Quite a lot. Exactly. But like that's what I'm saying though, man, we got to get back to this stuff. Because look,

I will see your sequel. If I like your first one, I will see your sequel. I don't need my hand held across the gate between the two movies. It's like we don't, like a lot of writers think, I guess like they can't figure out a way to get from A to B to do the sequel after a definitive

end. I don't even think it's that. I think it's literally like, we don't want you to be able to enjoy this movie unless you see the next one. Yeah. You fuckers. We're trying, this movie, dirty fucking consumers. I'm going to, instead of making a great and haunting movie that's going to stand the test of time, what if I just made

it to be like a trailer for another movie? Yeah, that's what they do. I mean, it's literally what they do now. It's all, I mean, like, could you imagine the 1960s going up to somebody like, well, I have our next eight movies, no, fuck you. Make me a movie, make money on that and we'll talk about it. That's the

world then, and that should be the world now. Right. Turn an actual profit with your movie, make it good, make make, you know, have a fan base and then you get to make another one. That's what fucking Star Wars is. It was a weird trilogy. It was just like,

Everybody Strikes Back was a sequel. Right. And the way to compare it, I guess, like, the closest thing to Marvel in the 60s was the Western and that became old hat, pun intended, you know? And then eventually it went away.

Well, it's no longer, you're also no longer going to be able to get, like, it's no longer cool enough to just have the money you made on a very good movie that did well in international and national that is no longer good

you also have to have future money about to come in that is the thing you have to give to that and that's why I don't want to single out Marvel here because this Apes movie is doing it left and right

everybody oh yeah no Kingdom of the Plano are they setting up sequels it completely ends with them you just wait but I will say just to volley one thing back that you said Eric

I don't think this shit is necessarily all on these writers these are on studio heads that's like well how are they gonna know new movies coming Better make sure the spaceship's getting away. It's definitely on them because they don't have the cahones to just end a movie with this nuclear blast and then be like, okay, so in the next one, let's do something outrageously different. Like escape from the planet of the Ups I really love because Zira Cornelius and all them go to 1970s United States.

Yes. And it's a great that Taylor was a fish out of water in Ape City. They are fish out of water there and it's just fun. It's like time travel. Fuck you. Get used to it. That's the premise of these movies. Weird, that's what Edgame did too.

Yeah, yeah. That's what I think that's what I think is like, oh, whatever. It's time travel. It's a fucking comic movie. We deal with it. Right. Yeah. But yeah, that's where it ends, which is fucking magnificent, man.

By the way, just calling it really makes you think, right? Like of all the stars and, you know, the galaxy or whatever. Yeah, this is an insignificant planet, right? But it's like, it was a home to billions of organizations. You know, creatures, and we fucking blew it up. We should follow their, we should follow their page. You know, we should make a definitive ending for this episode, and you're like, are they coming back?

Well, without any teases about what's coming up next week, you're saying, like, this is, well, enjoying this singular episode of we hate movies. Let's just clip it right now. No, no, no. No, but we will get out of here, though, because that's the end of the movie. We've got no movie left to talk about here. I look forward to somebody to talk about more of these apes movies. Absolutely.

Apesolutely. Absolutely indeed, Mandy. get more movies on this fucking feed that I like. I don't give a shit. All movies are movies, right? Yes. Let's just keep moving and shaking and, you know, morph into the next thing. I hate and love everything. All right, so we'll go around the horn here.

Final thoughts, of course. Eric Siska. Yes. I like this movie a lot. Yes, maybe some things could have been done different to address the sag. I don't necessarily think that Brent was needed. I understand they didn't want Nova to be silent of wandering around forever.

so I guess you needed to do something but man does it pay off in the second half there's a lot to love here and if you've just watched this and you're curious about the next OG sequel let it ride baby keep going that's right Chris Cabin yeah definitely

worth seeing I think thus far it is it's better than the new one but other than that this might be my least favorite I've seen thus far and the main reason is because like yeah Brent is here and I have to fucking watch friend do why can't he like i don't even care about nova like get all that shit out of here just

start with him in the desert and we figure it out from there that might have worked but still i would have rather as we said fucking get uh dr milo in there and we're we're bringing the crashed out and he's doing his stuff i'm interested in the ape society that is what i am here for and like every time you shift the focus anywhere to a human for an extended period time i'm gonna get a little itchy. But again, as I said, the second half really makes up for it, and the ape stuff in the first half is very good. Steve Saneck.

Yeah, this is my first time through. I really enjoyed it. I was, I, we had talked about the ending a couple times on this show, so it didn't make my, it didn't shock me to my core, but I was still like, being in the movie and watching it happen in real time, you're like, holy shit,

they did it. Yeah. And I brought my wife in and I was like, Jen, look at this. And she was like, Wow. You know what I mean? It's just like, what the fuck? You know what I mean? Like it's, it's pretty intense. It's pretty cool. It's a very earned interesting ending. I do think the first half of this movie is soggy and shitty, unfortunately, which makes it like not a perfect movie. And I do think that the first name's movie, like, let's let's not shit a shitter here is is a classic for a reason. There's like artistry there. There's this incredible Heston performance end to end. You know what I mean? It's got it's it's it's the king for a reason. This is. a fun, interesting diversion afterwards that I'm interested in and I want to check out more of them. Yeah, I mean, I think it's a great movie.

It is saggy as fuck. I am on Eric's side here. I think the sagginess is made up for by the back half of the movie. The last like 25 minutes of it is great. I really love this franchise as dire and fucking depressing as literally every ending of these movies is.

It kind of only gets sadder as it goes on. I love that they did that. Oh, yeah. You know, because the first one was a big twist and a sad twist, and they keep doing it, and I commend them. I would argue conquest has a happy ending. But, yes, the next one really ruined me. Escape really, I was just like, oh, it'll got you.

It's a tough one. It's a tough one. Yeah, no, the other thing I did want to mention, because it didn't come up, and it's fucking horrifying. I'm glad they didn't do it. Idea for this movie, ape, human hybrid child's character. I made a

TikTok out of filming my TV of the bonus feature where they showed some like makeup tests of it it kind of looks like what's his face from the Munsters the little kid from the

Eddie Munster it's a little bit like that because it's just a little kid but he's kind of just got a beard it's really weird Zira call me okay wait hold on you're fucking pregnant

are you kidding me next time on Planet of the Ames. I didn't think I was going to have to wrap it. I just didn't think it was going to happen. I didn't wrap it up. Damn me all to hell. I'm an unwed father. I thought all my swimmers

had drowned. What with all the radiation? But that is going to do it for this episode of We Hate Movies on Beneath the Apes. If you'd like more entertaining and hilarious content from us, of course we got a Patreon. Patreon.com slash We Hate Movies where if you were a subscriber there

at our $8 tier or up you are able to listen to this very episode commercial free that's right and on that Patreon feed we have a ton of extra I don't want to call them bonus shows because they're just it's the family of we hate movie shows you are only getting

like one third of the experience on the free feed we've got so much there including an animation damnation this month on return to the planet of the apes the 1975 cartoon that's right so hear us talk all about Jeff and Bill Bill

Steve and we just wrapped up our first season of too old for this shit which was covering X-Men 97 the truly excellent X-Men 97 which we've we've recapped every episode of X-Men 97 that is there and available

for you on the Patreon. That's right we got that going on I did make reference to something that is coming out next month that's right once in a lifetime our every other month lifetime movie and lifetime movie adjacent show. We're covering a real banger, unwed

father, starring Brian Austin Green and Nicole Tom, seen recently on 90210. Speaking of which, we also have that Melro 210 where we're recapping every episode, 90210 and Melrose Place, and people seem to enjoy it. They do.

They stop being in the street. Like, I like that one. I'm like, oh, cool, thanks. That's right. It's very popular show. And speaking of stuff that people love, coming out next month, a little teaser happening. It's already in the can That's very funny. The next Harry Potter commentary, that's right. The Goblet of Fireman Terry coming out in June.

Just a reminder, on this one, we also don't care for J.K. Rowell. Opinions have not changed, so don't get flustered about that. She still stinks. Hey, what happens to be using. Hey, a lot of you using it. I believe that's a Brendan Gleeson impression, Steve is doing. I thought it was an ape. Brendan Gleeson and playing to the ape would be all right.

Oh, yeah. You would need no. No makeup needed. Oh, he'd be one of the apes. Oh, he'd be one of the apes. Oh, okay. Yeah, he'd be like Dr. Zayas type. Oh, you'd have to be an orangutan, yeah, with the red hair. Yeah.

That's what they should have had instead of Brent, some fucking ginger in there. Oh, sure. Yeah. Mix it up a little bit. Or a fat guy, honestly. Did you get a fat guy in a little? You're not getting a fat astronaut, though, dude. He would be great if you are going to make the human ape hybrid, and he's the grown bird. Kill me.

Care me! Every day! It hurts. It hurts the name. But, of course, next Tuesday, here on the Patreon feed and the free feed with commercials, We Hate Movies, Continues, and with an all-new episode, Steve, what are we talking about? We were bringing on the summer blockbuster extravaganza. Uh-oh.

With one of the biggest summer blockbusters of all time. Yeah. What Lies Beneath? Of course. What lies beneath? Yes, big one. Before anyone gets mad, this movie was released in July. It was released in July.

This is the Harrison Ford. Scarer. Also, this is tying in another little teaser for next month. We're doing Back to the Future 3 on Patreon. That's right. We are doing a Zemeckis tie-in with What Lies Beneath. That's right. So tune in next week to hear me tell the story of getting yelled at on my first day of work

because I dared insult What Lies Beneath. Oh, dear. But until then, I've been Andrew Jupin. Steven Zeta. Eric Siska. Chris Cabin. Take it easy. Thank you.