We Hate Movies - S14 Ep754: Gamer (Live in Atlanta)

Episode Date: August 6, 2024

“Cue the Bloodhound Gang!” - Chris, on this film’s soundtrack  Recorded Live at City Winery in Atlanta, GA 4.25.24 For the first summer break episode of 2024, the guys were in Atlanta talking about the Gerard Butler video game action adventure, Gamer! Why couldn’t they edit these action scenes a little more clearly so you can follow this stuff? How lame is it to set your film “a certain time from now”? Did we really need to hear that Marilyn Manson “Sweet Dreams” cover in a movie again? Is Michael C. Hall’s character one of the worst villains in action cinema? And do these poor bastard avatar people get any days off from killing adventures? PLUS: Did Gerard Butler sign on to the film because he thought he was being asked to play Cable, the X-Men character?  Gamer stars Gerard Butler, Michael C. Hall, Amber Valletta, Kyra Sedgwick, Logan Herman, Ludacris, Aaron Yoo, Johnny Whitworth, John de Lancie, Milo Ventimiglia, Zoë Bell, John Leguizamo, Terry Crews, and Keith David as Agent Keith; directed by Neveldine & Taylor. All August, on top of releasing all-new, regularly scheduled episodes for our Patreon subscribers, we’re also unlocking some older Patreon vault content on the free feed for the public to get a little taste of what’s on the other side! So if you’re interested in checking out what’s behind the curtain, be sure to tune into the WHM free feed this Thursday as we unlock an episode of our Star Wars Gleep Glossary! For the uninitiated, the Gleep Glossary is a show where we go through the “Star Wars Essential Guide to Characters” and learn about a new SW character each month. On this unlocked episode, we’re learning all about the evil Count Dooku! 

POMAYOR. VIII. VIII. I don't know. I mean, ...aunt... ...whoe... ...then...

...a... ...and... ...a... ...and... ...the... ...and... Well, it was a long, sweaty, arduous season, but here we are. Ooh, that summer vacation.

Exactly. Right, but guess what? Your ears won't be going on vacation as we serve up. Gamer. That's right. This is our live show. from back in April of this year down in Hotlanta. We had a fun time.

The crowd was raucous as fuck. It was a really good show. And now, you who may or may not have attended, can listen to it here in all its recorded glory. Absolutely. That's so much fun. I mean, consider... I don't know. It's just been

a while. Steve's forgetting what happened. It's okay, Stephen. I mean, senioritis, it's vacation mode over here. Considering it's August, and it's fucking blazing outside of at this point. Oh yeah, Beverly Blazing. Everybody will be inside being a gamer at this point.

That is how you should be right now. There it is. You should be getting Gerard Butler to put his life on the line for you by pretending to be some of the Boulder's Gate character. I'm glad we're going to keep in my brain fart. I'm going to get Rick Rape after all three of you fuckers. All right. Man, oh, Milo Ventimilia's character in that movie, we address it at length.

Don't worry about it. Also, still, it's been a few months since that show. I refuse to acknowledge the reexamination of this movie. It is still fucking. terrible. We talk all about it. Where were we in Atlanta for this? Was it a city winery? It was a city winery. Beautiful location. Really love it. And also, that's not all for you folks this week. On Thursday, we are unlocking an episode of the Gleap Glossary, our Star Wars Shide Show. And we are discussing Count Duku on that. So if you're curious, you've heard us plug these things

for a while. We've never released them to the public. You're going to get your chance to tune in. Yeah, exactly. Not unlike a divorced family. You're getting two Christmases this. You get two episodes this week. That's pretty great for free. That's right. And I mean, if you're a Patreon subscriber, you're also getting actual new Patreon stuff, by the way. That's right. This is a great preview of, hey, maybe I was at Gamer or whatever. Hey, I want a new show. Patreon is chock full of them, and they are coming out all August. There's no vacation. That's right. And this is like WHM sweeps. You know, we're releasing live shows. We're unlocking and shit and whatnot so we can, Just give our brains just a few precious weeks to relax before we get back at it.

So, yeah, if you want a little taste of the Patreon, you haven't dabbled in that yet. All this month, we're unlocking Patreon content, including, like Eric said, this Thursday, the Gleeve Blosser. But right now, please enjoy us live in Atlanta talking about gamer. I got a pocket full of porters and I'm headed to the arcade. I don't have a lot of money, but I'm bringing everything I'm made. I got a canvas on my finger and my shoulder's hootting too. I'm going to eat them all up just as soon as it's Tom Blue. Because I got Pac-Man fever.

Pack-Man fever. It's driving me crazy. I've got Pac-Man fever. Pack-Man fever. I'm going out of my mind. I got Pac-Man fever. Pack-man fever. I'm going out of my mind.

Hello, everybody. How are you doing today? Chris, down here, it's how y'all do? How are y'all, sorry. Oh, I'm sorry, no, I should have done rickety-dickety-do to all of you. Oh, that kind of rhymed, too. Like, rickety-diggity-diggity-do to all of you. Sounds like an Adam Sandler voice.

Or doop-daba. Atlanta, what is going on, y'all? All right. Hi there. Been a long time since we've been in your fair city, so thanks so much for coming out. It's been seven long years. Wait.

Nope, no mozzarella sticks. Nope, this club sounds, smells totally fine, so far so good. Yeah, who is that the last show we did? You ever get the stink out of that t-shirt or what? You've had to throw it away, right? Whatever clothes you wore to that show, it was a throw in the garbage.

It was a lovely evening in Buckeg. Because here you order food Over there, there's a big Greek diner behind you While you're trying to perform comedy It's a huge difference, huge difference You're like trying to say stuff to like, you know, find folk like you out there and it's like, you've got on number 14 Yeah, no cheese on that, yep

Yeah, and there's like dinging sounds everywhere Pull up to the second window like what? In a comedy club. Those sticks, it was like cigarettes. Like they just stick to you. There's no way to get away from it. How many of you all are familiar with the show We run on the internet

Most folks, excellent If you've been brought here by a friend To see what the fuss is all about Sorry We're a comedy show Don't apologize, we're awesome No refunds, that's what we mean Oh yeah, yeah, it's a smart movie

Good God We're a comedy show I could go for disco fries What, now what? I kind of want disco fries You just don't want the show to start at all They asked us beforehand Do you want to eat

disco fries up the second window on stage do not bring disco fries out to this guy he doesn't deserve them no I don't want them either sorry people want to hear about gamer well that's true because as we are known to do on this show for the last

13 years take a movie good bad or otherwise and kind of just kick it around for a little bit how many of you guys saw this movie before we announced that we were going to talk about it here tonight now let me just follow up really quickly and it's sort of like just to put it out there,

I don't want you to actually answer, but why? And also, anyone in the theater? That's exactly what I thought. He didn't understand the question. This movie came out on my birthday. Oh, wow. Congratulations. It must have been a great birthday for you.

Yeah, the birthday or the movie? Yeah. I hope you were loaded, at least, sir. It's okay to like a movie, though, if you love Gamer with their Gamerheads out there. There are. And it's don't hurt me. And the thing is, there's two directors, Neville Dean and Taylor.

Yes. So one of them could be in the audience right now. Yes, yes. And it's sad how they split up and one became Drillbit Taylor. Oh, yeah. The other one was Tim the Taylor Toolman. Oh, that joke didn't work. They have two different names.

No, Neville. Well, what's a Neville Dean sounds like a coffee. Like, ooh, like a Neville Dean. Oh, George is going to make me some Neville Dean and his de espresso maker. Exactly. It's like regular coffee with like some chocolate. in it. A Neville Dean. Wow, that sounds lovely.

Get your grandmother some Neville Dean this Christmas. Yes, we had a little Brian Cello. Yeah, this is Gamer from 2009. It seems like a lifetime ago. This movie has not aged well in the slightest. But I think a great place to start, because it kind of tells you everything you need to know about the making of this movie,

the intention behind it, or what they thought they were making. original title for this movie, you guys. Citizen Game. Oh, wow. Original, original title. Think about it. Oh, whoa, think about it.

I'm going to frag you, Gettys. I'm going to pone you with my newspaper. There is a gamer. A certain gamer. That would be great. If he's just being bought from his family at the beginning of this movie to go be the gamer. Much like Charles Foster Kane.

Ah, Rosebud! Right? That's... Yeah, Rosebud was the name of a scotch. He loved pounding. And of course, you won't be filming in proper lighting at all, right? No, I think if you're making this movie Gamer,

some of it would benefit from being filmed in Night Vision, of course. How is it not in Night Vision? I think Night Vision would have improved the film. You're right. I would kill for Night Vision. Just like... Like, think about it.

The only time that you can ever really say, like really say it and mean it, right? Night Vision would have helped a movie. It's this movie. It's a gamer. It would have helped. Well, of course, everybody knows. Everybody knows the RKO story about With Wells.

He did want all of Zanadu to be in Night Vision. All of it, you weren't supposed to see the gleam of the treasure. You weren't actually supposed to see it. The big mansion and Citizen Kane. So then it's like you're sneaking around his house. It's more exciting. Yeah. Exactly.

I want people to feel like they're going to rob this man Well because they mean the problem I mean not the one problem But the action Looks like dog shit in this movie Cool let's get into it Did anyone get motion sickness watching this film last night?

Did anyone need a tiny paper bag In front of their mouth For all 95 minutes of this movie I did Because like I mean in an action movie I'd like to know who's shooting a gun Who was getting shot by that same gun Where does this battlefield you know take place?

What does it look like? They are unconcerned with any of that in this movie. Everything on every level is so ill-defined. Like, where is any of this taking place? Some Terminator warehouse, we just do these shoots out? Somewhere off, it's like Hampstor Dam from the Wire. Like, they have this area that they clearly just shut off for people to do this, but they're still running ads in it?

Well, that's what's kind of amazing. It is kind of like the future of gentrification. It's like, oh, yeah, no, we can't build low-income housing. this is actually for criminals to kill each other in for a high-priced game that we're playing. Sorry, no low-income housing, I'm sorry. If we built any kind of affordable housing for the people in the city,

where would the Slayers play? Did you ever think about that, you selfish, poor? Come on. Of course, there's society as well, which is so popular. Oh, yes, that's where... You know, sanction off part of the city for people to force other people

to have sex with other people. Yeah. It all looks like a Skechers commercial, too. It does a very rapy Skechers commercial So it's for like foot fetishists You're saying A little bit

A little bit Yeah because I mean There I think What does it say It's not in the near future Oh A certain time from now Of course

The Who gives you shit Of upsetting your film I could just imagine The guy writing the screen Like A certain time From now I'm good for the day

I'm good That was that I'm going to tackle The rest of this Tomorrow That is dinner just started with whenever you like just choose

this could be in 1941 you don't know because that stuff doesn't make it like oh it could happen anytime it's just kind of like confusing and it makes you seem like you don't care did you just burp into the microphone oh because I'm like a baby watching this movie I go oh how can we do the not too distant future everyone's done that yeah

speaking cooler distant future la la la right sorry wait Wait, do kids like violence still? That doesn't make much sense, does it? I mean, I do think that we lost, because we were not of the generation that's hanging out all day playing Call of Duty or Middle Gear Sal with your friends through live chat, where I assume a lot of friendships are built like that. Bonds forever.

Yes, bonds forever. So maybe you take more of a liking to this because of that. I was watching this being like, how much money is everything? What is happening? No, but hang on a second, though, because if you are, like, a fan of that kind of stuff and, hey, totally fine. I just don't like getting called slurs when I'm trying to play basketball on PlayStation. The fair point. Well, you know, at least they put them in the movie.

At least they did. No, but that's what I'm saying to Chris, though. Like, if you are a fan of that kind of stuff, this movie is like, well, you're naturally a huge scumbag. You're a total piece of shit. You're a total piece of shit if you like this stuff. Well, yes, I am. Well, you know, you got my goat right there. There's not a single positive portrayal of a gamer

anywhere in this movie. Well, there's a huge difference between me playing Grand Theft Auto, whatever, driving down Madison Avenue, you hitting everyone I can fucking see. That's like NPCs. It's different than me killing a convict from my own home.

Or me like, oh man, I shot Eric. He died. He's going to go back in three seconds again, as opposed to murdering a man. Yeah. You got a good point there, Steve. Because that's where the screenplay store comes in and drops a little bomb that says we're really saying something aren't we saying something

could you imagine right this is the could you imagine if things got that bad and like yeah we're kind of living it now 15 years later in one way or another we're not quite there but I can see the path I know where we're going to end up there I do like

they start the movie with just these these shots with Marilyn Monroe's oh sorry Marilyn Manson oh I wish I wish I wish Happy birthday, Mr. President to me. Three dreams are made of these. Oh, shit, now I'm getting hard. Oh, my God.

Who am I to disagree here? I'm coming back from the grave, getting an erection because she's singing a song. Wow, talking about a respawning, dude. I've become bricked up. She is so hot she has to die. But you're right, because it does, you have to. You're making a piece of shit movie like this.

You have to start it with that piece of shit, Marilyn Manson cover. And just like every, like, LG, Oakley, Burger King, all these, like, here, we're just going to get it out of the way. Here's all the people that pay it for this. Yes, because there's also, like, posters of, like, this is Cable, the world's most famous Slayer, who is Gerard Butler. And we're told, like, it's, it's, there's only 30 matches he has to get through it. He's the world's most famous man. The matches are, like, every other day. Like, it's been, like, two and a half weeks.

They say at one point Like he's been doing this Like it's blowing up He's such a sensation And it's I think they say something like six months Six months When was the world by storm In six months

Is there a huge layoff Do they take off like six weeks For Christmas I just don't understand I mean you know I'm not killing nobody Near Advent Ahk it's another Jewish holiday

Not on Ramadan No you gotta take all of those on You do you do for any of those I forgot what I was going to say no but that happened to what you were saying no but yeah just the idea that like this has been going on he's like this he's this phenomenon

oh I was going to say like you know football players need to take at least a week off race car drivers you know like F1 there's usually like a couple weeks while they go to the next place they got these dudes out this like bare knuckle beating the shit and shooting the shit out of each other every other day there's no way just like physically

even a pristine just coming off a 300 specimen like Gerard Butler, right, would need rest time. Well, that's, that's my objection number one is that the idea is... To letting these human beings rest? Well, yeah, no, the idea that the... Get back out there. These death row inmates are all carved out of marble.

Yeah. Death row inmates are like squirrely guys that kill their neighbors and fat guys that put out contracts on their wives. Like, that's what those dudes look like. They're not like carved out of fucking, you know what I mean? They look like the players playing in. the hunts. Exactly.

Put the players in the comments. How much do you think John Wayne Casey could bench? Not much. Oh, baby, 10, 12 year olds? Bottom up. He was kind of strong.

He was kind of strong. Those are husky boys. No, but something like, here's the thing, though, right? Anyway, yes. I'm sure some of them were husky boys, and now they're all dead.

Speaking of serial killers, my favorite line of the movie is the sister going, you smell like Jeff you smell like Jeffrey Dahmer oh yeah what is that smell like Jeffrey Dom is that is that chocolate and Filipino sweats what exactly is that smell uh-huh it's the smell of victims I suppose it's a line that means nothing it's an it's just an edge of lord line yeah nothing it's sort of like that edge of lord joke about John Wayne Gacey what the fuck what they think no but I was saying though I think you put John Wayne Gacy in this like

if you could play as a John Wayne Gacy's skin oh no So there's just a big fat guy dressed as a clown with a fucking rocket launcher coming down the street. That's more fun. Now that's more fun. If we're doing like NBA legends but like death row legends

get to like come back. Or no, combine the both of those. Dude, Earl the Pearl Monroe's out there with a fucking machine gun. Just take it. Legendary Nick basketball player. Yes, yes, of course. I could feel the fucking death wave

go over all of you. But yeah, I would love that. I would. Just like skins. It would be kind of fun. Yes. Right. But so we're watching the first of these matches.

And I guess the, the, you're not even, you don't get points for killing people. No. You have to just get to a save point. Yep. But you just kill them anyway. Exactly. Like, why are people killing, if you're not getting points, right to do with that? You could like leader a belly.

Let's not shoot each other today. Yes. Let's just not shoot each other. Let's all agree to rise up. Yes. Get to the safe point of the same point of the same. And then once I rally them, I shoot them all when they're not suspected. more of a I Am Spark I Am Gamer

kind of situation I am gamer How does he not one say something close to that Or also at the end of this movie Spoiler alert for the end of this show But when he plunges the knife Into Michael C. Hall or makes Michael C. Hall plunges a knife Whatever. Great moment.

How does he not say game over? Yes! How do you? How? Do you make a dumb action movie with Gerard Butler? It's called gamer and he doesn't say game over when he kills the dad guy. Legally, the birthday boy in the front row could have got a refund if he was like, excuse me, sorry. I just sat through 96 minutes, and that guy didn't say game over, so. You know the reason was because they're like, well, we got a game over at the very end. But like, you are not above double tapping a joke.

No. Come on. Triple tap it. You cut them open. I think Steve mentioned this in the back. Yeah. You start putting quarters in it. Oh, that would have been cool.

You cut us, you cut that slit, a perfect one. A perfect one, yeah. And then you start putting in quarters. One by one. Uh-huh. That would hurt. While, so he's dead already. Well, he's dying, you know?

So I was like, oh, no, not another 50 cents. I've got an extra man and an extra bond and an extra bond. Put some quarters on him, like on his eyes, but it's for like next game. Oh, I see. I got that game. God damn it. The machine ain't taking it. God damn it.

Keeps coming back. So we've been talking for, like, two days about, like, how many different versions of this script were, like, just torn apart because, like, certain things don't make. A, number one, like, Logan Lerman, Percy Jackson fans in the audience. Oh, yeah. He's a very attractive man. Yeah. Percy Jackson. And the, what was that, the Lightning Warriors?

That's like the, that is the, that's the losing IP they keep trying with, you know what I mean? Yeah, really trying. Mm-hmm. Because, like, you have to. They keep trying to flip that house and that shit has got bad pipes. Because before we're going to get this Harry Potter reboot, jam down our fucking throat, you've got to see one more time.

Can we make Percy Jackson work one more time? We did two movies. Nobody gave a flying shit about it. How about a television show nobody cares about? Let's try that. If at first you don't succeed, run the fucker into the ground. But, like, you know, the poster is even, like, you know, Gerard Butler with, like, Logan Lerman, like, peering through creepily.

Like, and he's barely in the movie. So he's a cut out of it. Another piece that's cut out of this is this weird Curis Sedgwick we're talking about the media bit which we start with

and like she's getting the big interview with Michael C. Hole who we'll talk about and holy shit. She confirms she's got the big interview with her boss John Delancey

who's in this movie for two seconds. Oh my God. It's just like scenes you can sniff out the deleted scenes all over this movie and she's like

you know no one's got an interview with Castle who's Michael C. C. Hall's character since Barbara died nine years ago. So the one thing we know about this distant future

is that Barbara Walter is dead for nine years. Yes. That is it. You don't know if fucking cars can fly. I don't know who the president is. I don't know what the fucking says. But Barbara Walters is fucking dead. But I'll counter that is a good prediction.

Yeah. She was old. It's a safe predict. Yeah, yeah. It's like if this is in some like ambiguous near future, whatever, she'll probably be dead, right? We can put that in. The idea of Barbara watching,

What the fuck? Well, that's uncalled for. You're not the first one. My favorite star, Joie Watt Butler, is in a movie called Gamer, and they made fun of me. Wow, that's weird. I love 300.

There were so many beefcakes in it. I'm sure she loved a beefcake. Oh, yeah. And now she is dead, so they were right. They were right. You were correct. Because if they didn't say anything, she would be walking around with a robot body

by now or something, so I'm glad they said something. Yes. The Burns path. They could interview Michael C. Hall's character with like a fucking hologram Barbara. That would be something. AR Barbara. Love that. It would be the first interview with a rooster that walks on two legs.

Thank you. Yeah, this foghorn, leghorn horse shit accent that he's doing. I apologize to the South. It's just really. something this guy's trying to put down. It is a cartoon lawyer character. And I'm making a bullshit words all the time.

Now I do declare next game. It is so bizarre that he went. I mean, like, I guess he was bored is the only thing I could think of. You know what I mean? You got to give it something. Dude, you are on the set of gamer. You're reading this fucking script and your trailer. You're sharing with someone else

definitely. Yeah. Because, like, you hear him a little bit. Like, he's like, they showed an earlier interview You're like, that's kind of a weird accent. But then, like, Kira Sedgwick starts as this, like, intrepid reporter. She's like, why is Slayer's not murdered? And he's like, well, my dear, have you ever heard of anyone volunteering to be murdered?

I'm like, pardon me. And he reminds, like, they're all death row people, so it's kind of cool. And that there's a cock solid 68% of the population approves of it. And you know they wrote 69%. And he had some. respect for himself that day and said, I'm not saying, cock, solid 69%.

They got to that party and he was like, oh, Mr. Neville Dean, Mr. Taylor, may I approach the bench? I don't think it's quite right making such an obvious 69 joke. Now, I could take a bad mouth for a sweet tea, but I

cannot take 69% suck. What an annoying character to stay into. the whole time. And, you know, she's just basically going through his, like, timeline wherein, yeah, the first, the first game makes sense. It's basically wherein people inject nanites into their brains.

Yeah, it makes total sense. Weirdos. Yes. The little computer is like, take over your DNA. Yes. Game of DNA. Weirdos get to play as them and make them fuck, which is sort of like pornography, which we have at least something close to on Earth.

Yeah. What, pornography? Yes, that's what I mean. Like, people getting paid to fuck. That happens every day. This is the first I'm hearing of this. I can get you a pamphlet. But you know that that game's society, it wouldn't be like, because I feel like this dude,

I mean, you know, whatever, he is the villain of the movie. So I think he probably suspected fucking along the way, right? But it sort of is like innocently sort of introduced as like the Metaverse kind of thing. Oh, like a second life. Oh, play society. Wouldn't it be fun to have a meeting in society? Which, no, it wouldn't, first of all, awful. Yeah.

Let's disintegrate that idea from our brains. It's like person Jackson. Everyone's trying to make the Sims happen over and over again. It's like we're past that. Oh, that's what it is. Being fired by a giant panda. That's exciting. What an exciting me to this is in the metaverse.

Dude, if you just, like, you walked into your virtual office and it's just six people around at table dressed as different animals, like in furry costumes. And then I walk in as John Wayne Gasey. And I'm fired for some reason. Oh, I'm the one. I'm the bad one. I forgot I put this skin on.

I was going to play Slayers later. But yeah, a couple things. Apparently at some point, years before the movie takes place, he had a catchphrase, riggedy diggedy-do. Cool. Also, we're told, his wealth surpassed that of Bill Gates overnight. Could you imagine? And he just does the stupid entrepreneur thing.

Bill Gates, fuck him. I agree, actually. That is, like, the only, like, I guess, prescient piece is, like, you know, like, he's a very Elon Musky kind of dude, didn't he? Yeah, the most pathetic worship of all billionaire worship? Yes. You get that sad shit right out of here, please.

These people wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. Get real. We were a year away from the Elon cameo in Iron Man, too. So this really, it was starting to percolate. Nice iron shoot, pedophile. That pedophile stole my idea for the, Iron suit. What?

This isn't the petify who played Iron Eagle that first time? Iron. What was the, I'm sorry, Rode's character. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Whatever. War machine. There it is.

But, you know, whatever. So, like, this is going on. And then, like, they cut to commercial. And then, like, again, I think we were very obsessed about in 2009. Remember Anonymous, everybody? Oh, yeah. Who? Ask your parents about Anonymous.

Who? They changed the world, Eric. They really did. Ooh. Yeah. They're anonymous. The humans are the bad, or are the like freedom fighting, uh, hackers. They're, they're freedom fighters, yes.

Yeah. The only freedom organization, I think, named after a gorilla's album. Well, because it has that Z on the end of it. Yeah, yeah. Doesn't that just tell you everything you need to know? No one's taking up shotguns calling themselves plastic beach or something. Not yet. Not yet.

We're going to take the plastic beach tomorrow. That was one of the. is there? Yeah, was a great album. By the way, this is a show where, like, I half remember things and tell you about it. It's all of us, baby. But they hack into this feed,

and they're basically like, listen, I know it's so great to watch convicts murder each other, but this is a slippery slope wherein possibly this might go out of control at some point. Also, this is like a ludicrous, like it's like a computer face. Yeah, so it's like an animated ludicrous.

Like, I swear to God, that dude, he's so much better in Fred Claus as that DJ. than what he's doing in this movie? The king. It is just really brutal. You spent a good portion of your resistance budget on animating Michael C. Hall being turned into a shit head.

There is literally a little pixelated of food going down a stomach and then Michael C. Hall's head comes out. Oh my God, they've weaponized the gifts. It happened. It finally happened. And, you know, so basically they're like, yeah, this is bad. And the weird part is we don't get a lot of time with Gerard Butler.

I feel like he doesn't have a lot of dialogue in this movie. Like, we just kind of keep cutting back to him. It's like everybody else around Gerard. I mean, that's a big problem with it. There's not a lot of dialogue in general. And then you got this little kid playing him. It's Percy Jackson. I know I should respect him.

Please. Please. You get more with that guy, and I don't want more with that guy. The problem is, is all the dialogue we're getting is all explanation and re-explanations. It's all just trying to insist Like a good movie would have the confidence You're just like, learn it, figure it out We're going to throw you in there, figure it out

It's all just failed world building You know? Like tell me every step of this a little bit Hold my hand just a little bit But this has to be like record holding shit though I've never seen a movie where it tells you What the movie's about six times Up to and including like five minutes before it's over with I was like I know I've been watching it all 90 minutes so far

It's somehow still ill-defined Yes, it's still does it make sense? Because the action scenes you can't follow, which is the reason you're quote unquote there is to watch people shoot each other, et cetera, et cetera. But without having any kind of like clear action, it kind of sucks. And I mean,

I think also like the levels are very the same. Where's the rainbow road? You know what I mean? Like, where's the level where like everything's just a little bit bigger than normal? Oh, fuck, it's the water level. There's two fellas in the clouds throwing hammers at me. Fucking squid won't get off my ass.

Ack lava Fuck you Bowser Princesses where Fuck To get you you spikey yellow jacket See that's just him playing Nintendo like yeah That's you know

I would have preferred Well the thing about Rainbow Road is it's got no There's no guard rails well you fall right off Hard fucking core dude Yeah absolutely no guard No yeah they should just do all the like the street fighter backgrounds Oh nice

Things like E Honda's steam room that sounds like a good place you know good point by the way not once in this movie is there an option for a bonus level yeah that should have been something perfect like a mortal combat like keep uppercutting him until his head pops off

right Butler see if that works or Gerard Butler has to beat a car yeah just kick a car until you can't drive it anymore that would be fine oh break some crates oh I love a good crate break we are coming dangerously close to what free guy is in doing that

so you got to watch your step a little bit it's dangerous this thin line between games and free guys. That's true. Here's a question. What side of that line would you prefer to be on? Oh, God.

I am more, I'm more of a game. I'm firmly more of a game. Yeah. At least there's not, the ending doesn't involve the Avengers for no reason. Chris Evans shot. Oh.

I'd have to go with gamer also because at least I know there's a solid shot I'd be killed instantly. That's true. Because otherwise you're just living in that Ryan Reynolds world there and that just seemed pretty annoying.

No, thank you. the oh we should say so like if you're a death row convict you get 30 chances you have to go through 30 rounds to win right uh and chances aren't gonna get murdered and jarred butler's got through 27 of them they are known as the icons the icons but they're also like what are the gamer what's what's the NPCs genericons dude are getting dumb as shit here are we not are people that are just are in jail for any old reason they only have to do it once but basically they're just hanging out in the back I guess. Yeah. It's like the idea. Yes, they like put in the paper boy protocol. It's like I gotta just move this plate of glass back and forth in front of the road.

Well, yeah, that's the thing is there's no, it doesn't seem like anybody is playing those characters. They're just on like normal mode. So you, it's not even like something. You're just like, yeah, you just go in a circle for 45 minutes while all the bullets just go everywhere. Question about the genericons really quickly though. Like, does someone have a copyright on NPC? Yeah, that's a great question. Why wouldn't you say it?

Also, like, if this is a movie, you for gamers and it purports to love gaming culture, use the real shit that those people say. Yeah. Because Genericon is nothing. Yeah, it's true. It's absolutely nothing. It's like, sounds like the most boring transformer you could come across. Yeah, fucking

Genericon, dude. He turns into a bicycle with no label on it. I'm pumping gas now. Because when Logan Lerman is, or when he's like confronted with like why are you killing people, it's like, well, they're all death row inmates anyway. Like, yeah, but what about

that dude that you just shot for tax evasion. He just had parking tickets, man. I don't know. What's that for? There was a dude just wrongfully accused to stealing his neighbor's mail, dude. It was a three-month sentence, and now look what happened. One of those is John LeguZamo, by the way. We meet him. Another John's

scenes deleted LeguZamo. And they had to name him freak, didn't they? And like, I know it's referencing his first stando special. But I just don't care. This character comes to nothing. You didn't spell it the same way.

Oh, really? They spell it the cooler way. F-R-Double E-K. Oh, my God. I think that's because he was like, oh, you want to reference my incredibly successful one-man show? No.

The Spike Lee film freak. Like, you know, no. Spike maybe jumped in and was like, you're not going to do that. But it's cooler. It's more gamer culture to do two-ease, or, you know, two-threes would have been pretty sure. Oh, there it is.

That's the one. That's the one. I like that one. It's pretty sharp. We also see in society, Gerard Butler is this guy named Cable, not the cool X-Men character. Sorry, everybody.

I guarantee you he fucking thought that, though, dude, they were like, they're looking for you for Cable. And he was like, I don't even need to read the script. I've always wanted to be an X-Man. Wait, where's the portal to the future? Wait, who's playing Bishop?

He's coming out of the makeup trailer. Shouldn't there be a scar on me? face. Oh, ludicrous. So happy you're playing Bishop. I can't wait to work with you. Wait, what? But he's also known as Tillman who

is John Tillman of Albany, New York. And I got to tell you. These boys are from Albany. People don't talk like that there, do they? No, no, they do not. But they also, like, that is the cue, right, to be like where they're from,

does not matter. If you tell, if you're making a movie and the characters from where we're from, where we're from, it does not matter where they're from in the movie. Just pick the most nothing fucking generic town. Oh, he's from Albany. Yeah, cool. Nobody will look into that. What are you doing? Everyone in the audience, the charge of you was like, ah, I'm from Atlanta, Georgia. Ooh, that's where I'm from. Born and bred in Atlanta. I love trap music. Et cetera. Listen in the future. but he's stank on your tattoo on my back he has a precious baby daughter that is kept away from him

which makes it an action movie oh and my daughter my daughter all these movies my daughter and his wife who uh what's his actress's name oh I don't know she is the the lady that Kevin James is trying to romance and hitch that's the best I got folks she gives a performance I can only describe as vagina forward.

Like literally and figuratively. You see everything. Yeah. Also ass. Just a lot of ass up in the screen. She is unfortunately on hard times. So she is sold her body to be one of the society's sex bonds. Yes. And we're trying to make the movie sexy and reminding you. She don't want this.

Yeah. Isn't that sexy? You're a gamer. Come on. Now, Q Bloodhound gang. Oh, dude. Oh, man, let's just put a big old time stamp on this movie, shall we, everyone? A song that was 10 years old already. It was already 10 years. It wasn't funny for nine. You know what I mean?

Because we all remember where we were when the album, Hooray for Boobies came out. Absolutely. That was the 9-11 before 9-11. Right. Indeed. Because it was that. The lap dance is always better when the strippers crying.

Of course. Classic fucking song. Burn motherfucker burn. It's like Weird Al, but worse. It's classical music. Jim Boy? What if Weird Al Yankovic was horny? How about that?

Hornyer, sorry. That I was going to say, dude, that he's a pretty horny guy. Right, that song, what does it, beat it? Is that the original? Well, he was, eat it. Eat it. Don't just stare at it. Eat it.

He wasn't horny. He was hungry, Eric. He was a hungry man. Oh, so the original guy was horny. Yeah, no, no. That's a good skin for the Slayer's game. In conjunction with the new MJ the musical, here is a Michael Jackson skin nobody uses.

This is the worst selling skin in Slayers history. Oh, no. But yeah, so she is, she's like in, we get to see the society game where, yes, we're listening to the Bloodhound gang and she goes up to a dude and she, we find out who's playing playing as her.

Oh my God. And now Chris Cabin in the green room backstage, you were, you brought up something that was a beautiful idea. Did you run this through for these? Listen, so most of, you're getting a lot of mouth shots and stuff like that with sweaty, just liquid

all over it, kind of. But the other thing you see quite a lot of is this man rubbing his belly as if, as if, as if his sexual organs are the belly he's got he's got tummy balls is what he's got and he's just

say no to me oh yes oh I'm a huge fan of the tummy ball theory and I think it's plausible this is the future there could be radiation this guy's like a mutant perhaps you got alpha titus you gotta remember what's important about the reveal of this fella okay and it's not that you know we cut to his dungeon or you know what

whatever the police would call it. You know, and it's not like some sort of like medium wide shot where you get a sense of the room or whatever. It's like nose down to chin. So that's going, right? And you see, you see in hand, he's got two egg-o waffles. You fold those fuckers over. Then it's just one waffle, right?

There is a, what appears to, you could only call it a bucket. It's not a cup, and it's too small to be a bowl. It's a bucket. It's a bucket. It's a syrup bucket. Dipping station if you wanted. If you wanted. A dipping station for a catered affair.

Yes. Not personal use. So you see these two waffles, just this fluid motion. It's not the first time this guy's done this. The old around the back. Right in the syrup. That is the introduction to a human being.

It's one of the scariest things I've ever seen in a movie. You could have just one shot of him sloppily eating a bacon cheeseburger and be done with it. Because I mean like, we get the joke. it's the old chat room joke like if you're having sex with late it's probably some fat guy like you could just have a regular

overweight man like you're cutting from the sexy lady like hey want to have sex normal look at overweight guy and they're like hey want to have sex but no this dude is the blade vampire before he got bit dude and similarly if the curtains open on this guy's dungeon it would be

the you know that it all turns to ash shirt on this gentleman please but yeah you feel bad for him like if it's just if it's just If it's not, he has a bucket of syrup. He should also have a bucket of butter if you're going to really do this up all the way.

Well, yeah, you know, to have a true egg of waffle. But, guys, you know he's got a bucket for something else. I feel bad for... I feel bad for the actor. You know what I mean? You book this big movie, get it with Gerard Butler movie. You're in a movie. Oh, I got a call back for this Gerard Butler movie. I'm so excited about it.

After Shakespeare in the Park we did, I'm so pumped for this performance. I'm going to be a citizen gamer and I'm playing a gamer Can you believe it? I must be the hero of the movie Take your shirt off fat stuff And eat that waffles We're filming it

Just wait, we gotta get the lube out Hold on, we need Your chest doesn't look moist enough Maybe this guy was ahead of the curve Because Brandon Fraser got nominated For an Oscar for the same thing, right? But this reminds me though I think we talked about this

When we were in Toronto talking about Saw 4 And there's like a gross character in that movie Did this guy tell his parents he was in this movie? I would not. You know what I mean? You just spent a whole day getting like syrup all over you and whatnot. And then your mom's like, how was work today? How's it making the big movie?

I was fired from it. How about that? Budget cuts, they fired me. You'll never see this movie. So Sheila, the other night we rented the movie Gamer. And we saw Jeremy with his shirt off eating waffles. Oh my god And yet

He didn't tell you He was such a sweet boy He used to watch a little daughter I know he's eating waffles and movie In that disgusted game The movie I love that these people somehow rented this movie In the first place

Fucked by Red Box again We were trying to get the first Mama Mia but the fucking DVD was mislabeled I'm a curious Cedric completest, anything she does, I will watch. I watched all of the closer, two times. Going back through the closer, huh? It can happen.

That's real nothing else to do on the old calendar. Well, again, if you're a centric completist, though, it's needed. Sure. But the thing I have, though, is like there are still people, especially in the IMDB user review section, which we'll visit later in the program. But like, there are people who are like, I'm a fucking gamer and this movie spoke to me And it's about what I love. And I was like, did you miss Waffle Guy?

I don't know how you possibly could. You're supposed to be Waffle Guy. Like that's the thing, you're Waffle Guy, dude. You writing on the internet right now, you are Waffle Guy. Did you miss? I mean, you're not Logan Lurban, I'll tell you that much. You, my friend, are Waffle Guy. But that's, I mean, did you miss every gamer except for Logan, who is the beautiful billionaire, who, it doesn't, they don't tell you if it's a rich family thing or if he got rich from the game.

They don't explain that world at all. Totally unconcerned with any of them details. Of course. Don't worry about that. That would actually give me something to, you know, understanding that the rich have stuff and the poor don't have stuff. And there's a separating line. Not, fuck it.

Just it's happening. Who cares? Because they film him. We see him. He's like, A, he's famous because, again, Gerard Butler is famous. Therefore, his star goes up too as the player or the gamer or whatever you want to call him. And everyone is, like, calling him in his bizarre, weird,

room and there's we do get nudity just because we have to get nudity. You absolutely have to. You guys are talking about, I think they're credited as come dumpster one and come dumpster. Yes, I'm not. That's correct. That is another, not telling the parents. And they're, oh, they're

twins. Oh, they're twins. There's twins. British twins. It's also a girl with a thousand tongue piercings. Totally. Oh, that's weird. That's weird. He also, he also hits on his sister here who he has labeled

or I don't know if this is her screen name Sissy Puss Shelly Uh-huh. My Sissy Puss-Puss I think that was one letter off from the censor Department kind of reaching out of saying I don't know about that. Gives a great burn out of him which is You smell like Jeffrey Dahmer. This I mean when you know sometimes

you hear when like folks talk about movies right like the the beneficial use of a non-actor in a movie. Sure. Right. They add a sense of realism right? The Italians did it in post-war Italy, right? Right. A non-actor, drop them into this movie. It gets a little more real, right? Hmm. They take that idea for this girl, I guess. I mean, this is like, what is beyond a non-actor?

Like, how far down into the hole can you go? Because this is how the lines were to look. Eric is not exaggerating. I'm doing it better. I'm doing it better. It feels like a contest winner. Someone won the chance to be in-gamer. I looked into this. She never acted before. She never acted again. last name, Neville Dean and or Taylor? No, no, but she's probably in the brood somewhere. Or it's like, oh, my fucking sister's kid wants to be in the

movies. I think, you know what? Redemption. Get back into the movies. Yeah. You smell like John Wing-Gaise's too. I need someone to play the flirtatious sister of Logan Lerman in this gamer movie. Because the thing that

he says to her is, want to make out? And I'm like, dude, I understand, like, Brasers hasn't taken your note yet. Eventually, they will. No, you're now. Mom and dad say move out, go to college, and you smell like Jeffrey Dammer. You smell like Jeffrey Dammer. The twins show up, the Come Dumpster 1 and Come Dumpter 2.

Thank God I got to say that on stage. They show their chests, and then they're like, now that we have your attention, we're for a part of a consortium that wants to offer you 50 million euros to take control of cable. Gerard Butler's character The answer is yes Every time Every time He says not a chance

It's like 100 million euros I would I would cut off every one of your heads For one million euros I would let you for that amount of money I would get down on my knees Like one of these bad terrorist videos Let you do you

Yes Hey Steve you got a really good deal there man Good job get sawin For one million euros 50 Well, you're right, because the other thing is there's no detailing about, like, what happened. Like, yes, we know if Gerard Butler lives 30 rounds, he's out of jail. Sure.

That's what they say. But there's nothing about, like, if you are the guy that does that or the player doing that, right? Like, there's no, like, oh, you win $100 million. There's nothing like that. So, like, the fact that he turns that down, you're like, well, then what, boy, if you turn down a hundred mill, man, you must be working. Hi, I'm Logan Lurman for FAPE energy drink. You might remember me. I was the guy that won all them cable games all them times ago.

I was going to say, you guys are all outing yourselves as being non-entrepreneurs. Okay. Because as you know, if you're given the option between a million dollars and the dinner with Jay-Z, you're supposed to take the dinner with Jay-Z because he's going to tell you how to make $700 million. Guys, I told you we have to stop letting Chris watch Shark Tank. This is getting embarrassing. Didn't you read his book? Who? Jay-Z? No.

Oh, you didn't? Okay. You told me once, like, I got this from the Jay-Z book, and I was like, oh, did you read the whole thing? Me? Yes, you. Lay off the pipe, man. I heard about that for the first time, not more than 40 minutes ago. It turns out the zebra did it. All right, we're way off course. So, Logan Lerman will not give him this up because he's such a celebrity.

We have more, again, really ill-defined action scenes that just, you know, look the same. This is somewhere around here is where Zoe Bell pops in. And again, it's like it's 2009. She was kind of having a moment back then with like death proof and whatever else. They were like, okay, she's a character. She's got to be a character in this movie. Maybe not. Zoe's scenes deleted Bell.

Her head explodes not two minutes into her appearance. She has like one line maybe. It's crazy. And you know like they're, you had such high hopes for Neville Dean and Taylor. Did you? Well, Craig, they had scenes outside that had lighting. That's true. Can't see what's happening.

So the bar, you're saying, really? Yep. Yep, a little touching the floor. Oh, yeah. Yep. Rock bottom. Yep. Rock bottom expectations for these guys.

We should mention that at this point, Castle, Michael Seahole's character, my goodness. I'm so tired of this cable winning all these games. I'm going to invent someone who's even worse. It's Terry Cruz, ladies and gentlemen. And I mean, like, maybe it's because Terry Cruz traded to such like a teddy bear actor. after this movie, it's kind of hilarious when he's like, I'm going to kill everybody. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la

Yeah. Dude, do you think he's like doing a joke scene from Brooklyn 9-9? Like I can't look at it and not laugh. Yes. And it's like then show me you killing people. I know he kills people but it's so hard to see. And no, that's a great like detail that they sort of drop here where it's like oh he so badly wanted to get

into this world or whatever. He just went around the real world and killed a bunch of people and then turned himself in. Yes. pretty cool idea explored about this much not at all why would you do that make it interesting no sir and his thing is because there's a weird like there's a delay if i'm a gamer and i'm telling eric to go fuck himself it'll take eric like 0.9 seconds to go fuck himself but i can go fuck myself immediately because no one's playing me so lag time lag time

with terry cruz no one is controlling him yes the idea oh isn't that no ping No ping to deal with. Genius. Genius that people just kill each other instead of being controlled to kill each other. Well, yeah, and this is all to get the burden off of our poor prison system that is suffering. We need to figure out something to do about it. It's like, oh, Lord, this cable television program

funds them prisons that desperately needed. Exactly. Like what? For just a dollar a day, you could ruin America and fund the prison system. I mean, fix Rikers, pal, come on. It's just like slow motion pictures of people enjoying their life.

Yes. For one dollar a day, you can put them behind bars where they deserve to be. But, dude, he did fix Rikers. They turned it into one of their fucking levels for this game probably. Now you can go spray in there.

I would love to see a location. I don't know about you folks, but that would be amazing to have a setting. Yeah. Well, you don't like the airport hanger full of rocks? Well, because every scene is the airport hanger full of rocks. Where's the rainbow bridge?

Where is the desert world or whatever? I guess there's a, the prison. We do get a shot of them like, and the yard. And it's weirdly desert. That has to be another planet. That's the only way this makes it. It looks like Getty Prime from Dune. What are you think, they are doing work.

John Likazama was explaining the movie again to Gerard Butler. And this, I still don't get it. I'm a gamer. But wait, go over the lag thing again. He makes me do something, but how long does it take? That's the part that they lay out at least five times the lag. What is a ping?

No, there's a guy who's trying to escape, and then you hear a gun charging up and then firing, and you assume that when he launches into the air, that that was what the gun did. But you don't see what happens on the other end. It just cuts. He's the air, and it cuts. He doesn't fall.

that guy went to the sky Is he going into the sun? Like what the fuck is happening? Nope. That's what cares. You went to space. Cut it. Get it out of here.

This is when you take the game out, blowing the cartridge. Put it back in. It's a glitch. Oh, I did that thing again or I shot him with the jail gun and he flew up into the scene. I was trying to like make Mario go to the top of the level, but now I can't get them down.

So I guess I have to just start over. I didn't listen to, I wonder if they did a director's commentary for this. And like, you just, that happens. And Neva Dean's like, yeah we just forgot to oh I can't tell you

I forgot to put in the other shot it's the director's shoulder shrugged track just like oh why did that happen you can't see me shrugging my shoulders on this audio come you have any idea how many shots are in a movie like it's so many shots also we were being controlled by a 17 year old

to direct this movie and that's what this is and meanwhile in prison Gerard Butler is getting messages from a very nice person who it is. She gives him a picture of his wife and daughter which also reminds me of my favorite part of this movie which is he's got a tattoo on the side of his arm that says I'm always with you

which is what his wife gave him I see that on a guy I'm like which white supremacist code is yeah how many letters are there what's happening here? Who is always with you sir? What fucking bugaloo gang are you a part of it whatever the fuck?

I think it was different He was like he was always masturbating And his wife was like you know what? Tattoo that on your arm You're like, oh right She can see me All right lefty Time to step up No wife tattoos on you

But so this is the human The humans group is infiltrating the prison And they say like listen Tomorrow is like your 29th game They're going to kill you in this next game So we have to get you out what do you need from us get me drunk yes and this meaning it starts to become very matrix like she's like the trinity even though she's like barely in this movie

Alison Loman yes she's just like helping him get out of this to get to the next save point yeah so he's not same point facility whatever and you don't even know what the safe point is you just see it from afar like does he have to go into it and then it beams him out or what Well, because they're about to tell you that during the cold open of the movie, and then literally he stops running and it just goes, gamer. And I was like, well, we should know how the fuck that spacecraft works. It's hard. There's so many shots in a movie, dude.

You could have. Like, it's like, you didn't even know, like, hundreds. You could have taken one of those explanations of what Michael C. Hall is doing and explain to me what the fuck is going on with the save point. Now, I presume since you're producing a professional grade film, You'll be hiring a professional grade editor, is that what? Oh, three kids from a summer camp you found, I see. Well, I was famous for cutting costs myself.

They butchered my cut of magnificent gamers. It was a beautiful film. Oh, it's about a long line of gaming royalty, and their house goes into disarray. They fall on hard times. They couldn't keep up with the rainbow six and seven and so forth. Storts with Lord Gamer, who was one of the best chess players of them all. So he gets a bottle of Georgie vodka.

Yeah, top shelf shit. Yeah. Of course. You couldn't afford anything better. Well, for what he's about to do with it, I mean, you don't want to waste the good stuff on this dumb idea. This is pretty awesome. This is the best part. He starts chugging it.

And they also, I guess, at some point, ludicrous in a very, like, kind of like, scene with Logan Lerman is like, hey man, I need you to talk to Gerard Butler and get him out of the game. And like, Logan Lerman is like slanging back at Ludacris. You're like, that's not great.

I need Lutocris to be like, if you could stop calling me brother, that would be fair. Exactly. There's no D in business. Okay? Just listen. But so like,

so now he's getting wasted and now can talk to Logan Lerman. And he's like, You've got to let me loose so I could move. I think he's let loose beforehand, but this is like the, this is the plan now. Yes, right. This is the first let loosening. Yes, this is where he's let loose because, yeah, it's like, if you can get out of this area,

that's, you break out of whatever this vague play, place piece of land is that they're doing these games on. So yes, he chugs all over this vodka, and you're like, what could this be for? Oh, it's so good. It's so good. I mean, that is the quickest way to die. I give you that. If I was just trying to go out there and die immediately, I would also do that, so I see it.

But before he can, like, get to the plan of, like, what he's going to do, he's, like, drunk firing this machine gun at everybody. Uh-huh. You killed at least 12 other death row inmates just coming out there. Yep. And the whole thing culminates with he starts puking into a car's gas tank. That's right. And then, you know, some of it was processed.

Let's give a little dick beer into this car. Of course. Let's take a little piss into the car. This is like what you're so drunk after going out on a night hard in Atlanta. And you're like, oh, dude, did I get gas? And you just start puking into your gas. And you're pissing.

You just happen to have an ethanol-only car. I think this is an awesome process, right? If this could be real, forget all these electric cars. Let me puke up alcohol, please. Marty, your car runs on piss in the future. where we go, we don't need gas. I guarantee you, he was emptying his tank into that Mr. Fission or whatever it was called.

Oh, totally, dude. I need fuel. Marty, we need food poisoning. Wait, Doc, it's about our kids. Why are you pissing in that car, man? So you're telling me in the future, I got a piss into my own car. It's not about your piss, it's about your kids' piss.

What do they become seat pissers? or something? They're putting it down the train. They need to save their piss. He's like a crazy guy, which he was. He was a lunatic, yeah. Sure. Here are my jaws of piss in case my car breaks down.

Yeah, so the ethanol, it's an ethanol-only car, so that allows him to gas it up and drive away. Here's my jars of piss in case my horse breaks down. It's back to the future three. My train, he's just got lumps of shit that's putting in the train. Oh, no. Doc's trapped in 18. 85 and he can't piss his way out.

Drink up that piss horse. That's what it is. You get a horse to, you know, go by the crick, drink a lot of water and then you take a big horse piss in your piss-powered time train. You get home very easily. Piss-powered time train. This is the best recycling in the world. Running on a track to the future.

Just get this horse blind drunk and we're fine. No, it's, oh, what, oh, he's dead. Okay. What sucks? This is where you regret that this is made by the people it's made by because this is... Devil Dean N. Taylor. Sure. The duo.

It's kind of a good, like film by literally anyone else, probably a pretty decent action scene. Yeah. We're legitimately flipping trucks over, like doing some cool crashes and everything. You cannot follow a fucking second of this. No. You cannot look at the screen without getting motion sickness. The plan must have been to show. Shoot every angle possible and then include every angle possible within a secession of shots.

It's just impossible to, like, it gives you the rush, I suppose, of what you're getting. But there's no clarity. The rush of vomit coming up quickly to expel itself from my body. Oh, better get to your car, dude. We got to drive home. So he escapes and he meets up with the humans. And he's like, the only way I'm going to, they're like, listen, you know, Basically, the world is, we feel that Michael C. Hall is going to do something evil.

We need you to stop. He's like, I don't care. I only can about me wife. So they figure out how to get in touch with his wife. Cut back to our good friend, the Waffle guy, who is now going in for a new sesh. He's going for a sesh. And I guess he just watched the fifth element the night before, because that's exactly what she's dressed as. Yeah, we do make a Blade Runner ref right here because he almost picks the outfit that

what's her face has going through all those outfits it's like oh no they're making my wife dress up like Bella Baxter for poor things that would be an incredibly popular skin in society oh no they put my daughter's brain in my wife yeah that's fine we can move on

my daughter my baby daughter you know for a movie that is so my wife and baby dirter are captive or whatever this movie like really does it like the movie He's like, you know he's that kind of a guy, but we don't really have to tell you why, right? You've seen Conair.

You know what's going on. He has an impressive lack of detail about this family. Just remember Nicholas Cage's, the hair flowing in Connery. Oh, that's it. That's the standard of that shit, right? Well, instead of learning why we care about his wife, what his wife's hopes and dreams might be, what if we go to a club where everyone's eating bugs for some reason?

Yes. Hey, cool. And we run afoul of a character named Rick Rape. And what is this? You like, oh, I want to control someone, so I'm going to have them have dirty sex. I guess I can wrap my head around that. But, oh, I also want to make them eat bugs. What is this, Joe Rogan?

What's happening? Exactly. Well, the bar was called the Rogan Lounge. Oh, I see. I guess. I guess we missed that. See, that's a problem. You should have just called this bug fuck.

And that would have been perfect. My new game bug fuck. it's like bug snacks but with more fucking would you like to eat a tarantula leg you dig up some earthworms like you do and you fuck them this one's named Jim but so yeah we've got Milo Ventibiglia in a cameo

I am sure he doesn't talk about you have to imagine he got the he's like hey great meeting guys I love crank so much so the character's name is just Rick that's it okay that's interesting Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just Rick.

Yes, okay, okay, no, I'll do it, right? Just sign here, yeah. I'm looking forward to it. I love Gerard's work, I love it. What? Rick, who, God. And, like, you know, he meets up with her and they're, like, ready to go up to his place kind of a thing.

Yeah, waffle guys, like, ooh. Yeah, Waffle guys into it. Of course, he's ready to go. I feel the direction for Milo here was like, play a gum. who's so horny, he's going to explode. Yes.

Like he's literally just going to explode into pieces. Well, it's like Daffy Duck with Cialis. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense. The way that he's humping her in the elevator. This is us.

This is bust. He is, there is a moment where he puts his hand in his pants and is searching thoroughly for his penis. Yes.

Cannot find it. He's just going here and there and this and there. I told you, dude, it's like Mary Poppins bag down there. fucking floor lamp, there's an umbrella you gotta find it. You're in a game

right, so your inventory is way too large. I don't know why I'm carrying this candle still. Yes. Sexual assault, Felix, the magic cat. Automatic shotgun, no. RCP 90 no. Bugs, no.

Yeah, just a handful of moose bugs. There's the mag that I was looking for. A dead girl's diary, no. You're always get diaries in video games. But yeah, So before anything can happen, here comes Gerard Butler, who, I mean, it's amazing. He does the bane to Batman's back thing. Yes, he breaks him over his knee.

Yeah, good for him, honestly. I was waiting for something to happen to Ricky Rape here. I really, I couldn't, if he just had gone on unharmed, I would have been really pissed. The way the movie was going, I thought he was going to get a metal ceremony at the end or something. But, you know, he's looking into his wife. and it's weird because, like, the guy, the waffle guy is, like, scared but also attracted to Gerard Butler. He's turning on.

Yeah, he's into it. But it's like a weird, like, he's like, oh, are you in there me wife or whatever? And the waffle guy on the other end of the phone is like, I love you. And then, like, makes the woman say, he's like, shut your hood. Because he knows that it's the guy on the other end and not actually the wife. You smell like waffles. Why do you say? smell like waffles.

It is amazing that we don't get more shots of the wife just saying, that's actually true. And also they do some weird shit where like they will cut this. It's so disgusting. But they will cut to this dude's mouth

and it'll be like like whatever, just like movement that he makes. But then the equivalent inside the game is this woman going and I was like, no, that is not the same thing as what I saw. Waffle Guy do. I'm sorry. What I kind of

want is the last shot of the movie, Spoiler is, you know, he, Gerard wins the day. It's him. What? It's him, his wife and his baby dirter and they're driving off into the sunset and he's like, I'll be wife, I finally won the game. And she farts, and he's like, wait a minute. Waffle guy!

He's still in there. Oh, wait. See it up. It's that scary fake out, or maybe you zoom in on the daughter's, the little baby daughter's eye. Oh, did she just burps? Yes, and then you see in your eye, Waffle guy's in there.

Oh, wow, you just see a waffle spinning your head? The agos are coming out of the toaster, and it's like, oh, no, my daughter. Somebody's saying something. I'm so glad we got through all of that. You know, I'm kind of hungry. I got a hankering for waffles. Dun-dun.

But so this is a pancake house. Now he is running around with his wife, who is being semi-controlled by Waffle Guy and again I mean this, the underwear is absolutely out of control it's totally nuts

they go to the resistance of the humans Well Terry Cruz fights them Oh right Terry Cruz fights them first At this elevator fight Which is probably one of the better sequences I think actually the hand-to-hand stuff is much better than the shooting rounds

We're doing way fewer like quick cuts in the hand-to-hand stuff I think it's like they think the car action and the fighting action looks cooler if it's shot really fast. You can also, you can't, like you, even if it was well directed, you can't follow bullets. Like, you can.

Like, it makes more sense of that would work. But I, at soon as we hit this point is where I think this thing really hits a crater. Yes, we should quickly mention Terry Cruz kills to society players in the elevator. We're resulting in, you got to read between the lines here, though. Waffle guy comes during this. Yes, he definitely does. 100%. It's death come.

Because this is what. where he learns there's a new part to whatever he is, right? Because first it was like, you know, possessing these bodies and sex stuff and whatever. But now it's like, oh, the thrill of the kill. Maybe I could play Slayer. You know what I mean? Like he's into Terry Cruz stabbing these, this couple here. What?

Yeah. Yeah, I like that. He did. He does. uh yeah gerard butler saves his wife it drives off to the humans the humans have a very indescript way of putting nanites that are good inside of her and blah like when when ned flanders is explaining the different kinds of cider rules to homer's and homer's brain is like you can stick around but i'm out of here and it falls away and his body slumps to the floor that is me watching this movie at this part just a hard tumble to the floor a movie like the matrix where it's like oh now it's you're unplugged. Got it. Yeah.

Now there's something in your... Now you're in a different place. Yes. How about that? But so they do all this stuff. They free her from her bondage and she wakes and was like, oh my God, I can't believe that was so terrible. The first thing I'd be like, anybody got any pants?

Like anybody... Yeah. Is there like a pair of jeans I could borrow? Lost and found around here? Like rummage through. Ludacris, it appears as if you guys live down here. Is there a pair of sweatpants? Tites. I'll take tites. I'm not against tights. I can do that. I'll take a large t-shirt, too. Like, what did it? Just something. Just something. Like, maybe a free thing you got from a promotional deal from a bad radio station. Like, give me that t-shed. I'll wear that. You happen to have, I don't know how I was to say this, a leg jacket. Something, because you got the jacket for the top. And I'm very, thank you very much, but I need. One of the things in the future is they rename pants to leg jacket.

Oh, yeah. Really confusing. Yeah, yeah. Totally blew the crotch out of my leg jackets the same. afternoon. If Barber Walters were alive today, she wouldn't know what the fuck was going on. A wegg jacket. What's a wig jacket? So you created the wig jacket. Is this Barbara Walter stuff working for anyone?

Few people. It doesn't, man. Tommy, you're having fun anyway. Anyway. But so like now we're all together and we realize we also find out like that the beginnings of this technology was developed by,

castle while Gerard Butler was of course in the military and in a super secret program which is only encapsulated in one scene where he shoots it to do in the face and it's like all right the dude from Empire Records by the way that watch the Art Liv Tyler

Tyler's heart throb and the Empire Records but we're told their best friends I'm like I don't give a fuck I just bet this dude there are best friends that signed up for this crazy neurolink thing that's in their head and he gets controlled by Michael's he all to kill him. Is that right? Yes, but do you know why they're best friends, though?

Why is that? Because it's Gerard Butler acting against a dude whose character name is Scotch. Yes. So it's all right there on the page, folks. Neville Dean and Taylor laid it all out for you. That's right. If he was Irish, the friend would be Jameson. But yeah,

it's like he murdered this dude in a cover up, and that's now why he's in jail. Well, great. We also find out that his whole movie's like, oh my God, where is his dirter? Where is his dirter? could you believe that Michael C. Hall is so evil that for some reason that I cannot fucking understand he adopted his dirter?

Yeah, I don't know. Because the part of that is like, if you really wanted to like own this dude's life, the wife would also be a part of this. Yeah. So it's a kind of a weird just child buying thing that happened here, which is very, very strange.

The wife does, at one point, there's a quick throwaway scene where she tries to go regain custody. Yeah. And it's kind of like that scene in Boogie Nights where they're trying to get the loan. Dunchidl's trying to get the loan

for the stereo store. And the guy's like, well, you are public fornicators. We're not going to give you a loan. Like, she's like, oh, I'm an actress. And the guy's like, oh, have I seen you in anything? And she's like, well, I'm an actor in society, you see. He's like, I don't think you'll get this kid back.

He does laugh at her, which I feel like you could probably go to someone's supervisor at some point. Yeah, can I talk to Marge? Yeah, exactly. It's like a tittle. Like, it's just one that escapes him. And, like, for the moment, I was like, oh, he's Michael C. Hall, clearly. That would make sense. Like, make him part of this.

Because you do it. Later, you find out he can do stuff like this. And you feel like they probably had that scene and just cut it in this mysterious, maybe good two-hour cut. Oh, fuck, dude. I just thought of why that happened. Because it's a shitty movie. Oh, yes. I just weird.

Oh, my God. got to the bottom of this. Yeah, that one. Solved it. No more. Now, also, because we are indeed in the 11th hour of the show here and in the 11th hour of the movie

where the movie itself, I don't know if I've ever seen this happen. I think it's kind of a disgrace that it wasn't introduced sooner here. An 11th hour, Keith David in this movie? What in the world? Scenes deleted. Holy shit.

Start with him. Yes. Give me anything to latch on to. Well, I mean, if you had to explain how the cops are going after the murdering game like that is just a whole can of worms you cannot explain in under 30 minutes

right this should have been like a limited TV mini series yeah really drag this shit out longer 10 episodes at least well that'd be good because then it wouldn't have been a movie and then I wouldn't have had to watch it for the show right for EV are you listening

I like it uh yeah Keith David has arrested Logan Lerman for helping Gerard Butler for some reason because it's like oh you did a mod in your program that helped a convict escape jail. Oh, I see. Got it. And then, oh, by the way, Keith David,

never in the movie after this. And then Logan Lerman is just summarily released. He's just like, well, I guess some big fish wants you out. And I'm like, who is what? Well, we have to end the movie. So you need to leave this place for that to happen. Nothing, like, none of that had consequence. Why even have it?

Why? I mean, it's just like the guy flying into the sun. Like, it just whatever. Well, there was no consequence in that case. he's a rich white boy so that's what went down there you see your honor it was just a case of affluence well yeah i mean they do say something or your father your father's assets have been frozen oh no but so that's like who is this dad the movie never really yeah gives a shit you would think of maybe michael see hall who knows oh though my boys playing my own game and he

doesn't even know i'm his father it's created a rift between us no because michael uh michael he all was too busy rehearsing for his dance number, which we'll get to it. No, let's just get right into it. So Gerard Butler, it's the end of the movie, it's a big action sequence where you expect it's going to be a big action sequence. He breaks into Michael Seas Hall's house, and

yes, here comes Sammy Davis Jr. is under my skin with a bunch of beefcakes around him. Yes, some beefcakes, some just dudes dancing. Yes. It's kind of the best part of the movie, I guess. It's a decision. It's the

vision of this movie. They made a decision, at least. You know what your movie could use if you refuse the great suggestion of night vision? A stupid unearned dance number. No, I don't know how you earn a dance number, but we're going to do it anyway. Well, like, there's movies that have dance numbers, and there's movies that don't. And the movie, like Gamer, is a movie that definitely should not have a dance number in it. Just stupid donkey shit up and down this movie. I can't even believe it. And he's dancing, and then, like, that's fun for a minute.

Then he's like, by the way, I intend to play with nanobots and everyone or something. Now I'm a super-duper villain. And I'm like, that doesn't make any sense. Because he explains that plot, and then the music is just like, ba-da-da-da-da. And you're like, wait, when did James Bond get here? He's got, and it's totally James Bond, especially in this scene, because he's wearing, like, Dr. Nose clothes.

Yes. He takes his shirt off, though, so he... Mr. Bond, will you join? me for a game of basketball. Deadly. Basketball. Skins versus shirts. I'll be skins. Swords versus guns.

If the movie's about anything, it's about... Basketball? No! It's about this culture and gaming and blah, blah, blah. Where is all this going? But then if it's just like... And then they're going to put stuff in the air that's going to control you, I guess.

It's like that has nothing to do with anything. No, world domination should not have been a... a closing number here at the end of this movie. But, yeah, you know, they dance around and isn't that fun. It means absolutely nothing. Then these dudes start fighting him. Yeah. He lays waste to all of them immediately.

Including Terry Cruz, by the way. Oh, Terry Cruz, yes. This on the basketball court, this is the death that Rick Rape should have had. Yeah. Because never in a movie have I seen a character that definitely deserves to have his neck broken twice. Yeah. Twice. I thought he was like trying, like, oh shit, did I do that?

Let me fix that. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Are you okay? Are you okay? And then, you know, Terry Chris, like, wow, you fixed it. I, you know, I slept on that weird last night. I feel great now.

Two weeks later, you know, it's back. Could you kill me again? It's worse now. Could you snap my neck twice again, please? Kill me and then unkill me like you did the first time. That was good. I liked that. Yeah, so he's dead, right?

He's dead. And then because it's a bad movie, it's like, and now also here, let me, we need an audience before I kill you. Let me bring in your wife and daughter. Now, I should also say, by the way, the humans, the ludicrous, there's like Aaron Yu, there's all these characters that are killed during this dance number. Killed in montage. Yes. Yeah.

They're all dancing around and it's like, I don't even know what this is supposed to be. There's dudes, I got nothing up here that's even the size. It's like a little square that they're like putting up to people and then you're just seeing like Aaron You drop dead and Ludacris like laying down dead and you're like, what's happening? you know my one they're dead kill people slower yeah torture them figure something out through it i would have loved to watch that ball saw treatment across the board but i'll i'll take saw at this point i don't want to say that but i will every single saw movie is better than this movie yeah i said it yeah every last ding dong one of those movies alison moment is alive and she and curious edgwick

are recording you got you got to you hack the feed dude you hack the planet it's your class The classic hack the feed and in Times Square, it's like, I can play this Stinkett City like a harp from hell. It's like, okay. Oh, I guess I shouldn't have put in cameras and have a room of my house. Maybe this is how Elon Musk will go down. It's like, I know those cars explode all the time, but I don't care. And it plays in Times Square and everyone's like, oh, you burned alive in one of my automobiles? Whoopsie daisy.

And then 10,000 guys on Twitter be like, this is actually a really genius. move. Congratulations on your Times Square debut, sir. It was excellent. He's trying to bring the stock down for reasons. We're not smart enough to know that. I know. I know the haters broke the window before

you did it. I know that. I know those windows are perfect. Just to have a car and you say you can't break the windows on it. He's a genius. But so like now his wife and Dirter are going to watch

him get murder. Oh, that's right. He's like, I control you, Gerard Butler. Now you're going to stab your daughter with this big old knife I'm going to give you. You got to cough her up like a Thanksgiving turkey. Last minute reveal, he's like, excuse me, while I take off this shirt and reveal,

I got muscles. Yeah. Because before then, you might not have been like, Michael C. Hall versus Gerard Butler. Hmm, come on. Gerard's taking it. But, like, you take this off and you're like, Well, maybe he could kick him to death.

He's looking good. He's looking good. I got to say. The only thing more surprising than an 11th hour, Keith David, was a fucking 12th hour ripped Michael C. Hall. Couldn't believe it. Yeah. Was he like that for Dexter? He should do more bodybuilding that show.

Well, it wasn't like that, the continuation there. He was all chopping wood. He was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, out in the woods. That's how you get that body, all right? Someone cared about that. Chop a log, yeah, you're fine. A bunch of fat, quibiqua, uh, nothing.

Forget it. Lumberjacks is the word. I might be done. This might be it. Well, listen. Yes. I stab me with the knife. So, yes, we're at the stabbing sequence.

Yes. We're purple manning. You can control him. And then he's just like, but it's my daughter so special powers. No. No, not special powers. Logan Lerman, who's still in this movie for some fucking reason. Dude, he comes in.

He's doing all the fucking minority reporting shit right here. Like, I'm playing him again. See? See? Right. So he gets up and he approaches Michael C. Hall and then it's like, no, I control you. Like, I'm going to fight back against whoever else is in here. And then, you know, we got this struggle with the knife.

And then Gerard Butler was like, imagine me stabbing you or whatever. He basically defeats this dude by pulling a don't think about zebras on him. Yes. I think it's awesome. Don't think about stabbing yourself with the knife. Don't do it. Definitely. done think about

what did I think of stabbing myself with the knife and the stay puff I say I say I can't believe I got bested by a gamer I think about all those times in Campa Kondo when I would dream about stabbing myself with a knife it could never part oh no I stab myself with a knife my dreams of mind controlling James Bond are over I kind of like that turn but yes

and this is then we get the drive into all Albany secret. Yeah. Well, yeah, he basically wins the day and he goes to the other guys, these technicians who have been evil the entire time. He's like, hey man, could you like, do me a solid and unplug me? And they're like, yeah, sure, why the fuck not? I'm like, I guess so. It is amazing the way that, like, it's this other dude. It's not even the guy he's talking to. It's like guy number one looks at guy number two and affirms like, yeah, do it. And this dude goes, beep. And a whole network of thousands of people are apparently turned off. They're free. Yes. Excellent.

I want a new job anyway. Well, they're free, but all of them are still in jail, really. Or, yeah. Or society. You know, why you're free now? Yeah, you can just all fucking public. Society, like, yeah, those guys are done. But, yeah, the other dudes, you're still on death row.

Sure. They're not going to let you go. There's probably a bunch of people in society. They're like, fuck, there was my paycheck, man. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. That's true. Look at both sides.

But now we're just driving back to the Smoky Mountains of Albany, and that's the end of it. They are beautiful. If you've never seen them, the mountains. Mountains of Albany. Yeah, all those... Those mountains we have where you had to fucking dynamite blast a tunnel through them, just real big fuckers so you could

drive through them. It happens. The Shining way to Albany. That's also what it kind of looks like. Yeah. The beginning of the shining. Maybe they were trying to say something there too. And then, of course, they stop right in front of a waffle hut, and it blacks out. Oh my God, Waffle guy in a

giant tuxedo with like a maple syrup cocktail. Like, oh, what a wonderful party. I can't believe I finally get to meet you. Hello, would you like some syrup? Oh, no, the elevator is maple syrup. It's coming all over me.

You've always been gaming. That guy's still using the same terrible language in that bathroom scene, though. Is this a picture of the game back in what is DOS? Wait a second. Is that Gerard Butler pixelated in there? Oh, my God. It's a bunch of people It's an old black and white photo

And then an in color Like pixel in 8 bit little guy But that is the end of gamer folks As the end of the movie All the 95 fucking torturous minutes of it All right Big thanks for you all coming out It's been seven years since we've been here

It's really awesome to see you all again Thank you very much Thank you Big thanks to City Winery Everyone here has been really cool We always love playing a city winery The way that we wrap up these shows if you haven't seen us live, by the way,

is you'd like to dig in really quickly to the one spot on the internet where you can find sane, grounded, and totally comprehensive opinions about movies. That is the I&B user review section. So we've just got to open this up. We've got a couple for you here this evening. First one here.

One out of ten stars. Oh, so we saw the movie. Okay, cool. Great. I'm with him so far. Subject line, weird-looking breasts, heavy breathing, and a dance number. written by Tara Finnegan 6th of September 2009

They say Gamer was easily one of the worst movies of the summer If not ever I was anticipating a dumb movie But this really had no redeeming qualities Despite Gerard Butler's sexy shirtless scene Milo Ventimilia's cameo I guess more the appearance not the content

I would like to leave I would fucking hope She just didn't hear it proper like I loved his character Rip Grape. He was fantastic. He wasn't wearing purple at any point. I never saw him like eating the fruit, but it's a fun name. Maybe the sequel we can see his vineyard. That'd be nice.

So yeah, love the cameo. Ludacris's surprisingly decent acting abilities. It's going to leave that one right on the table. Just slow it down. Just a little bit, please. And song and dance from Michael C. Hall. So other than all those things, This movie, as she says, was flat out terrible.

From start to finish, there was nothing but exceedingly weird-looking boobs. Okay. Egerard Butler. Exceedingly? So with every boob scene. Weirder looking. Got it. Okay.

As they're saying here. Gerard Butler breathing like a winded bulldog. Well, welcome to the fucking party, pal. That's every movie. Yep. And a quick, slightly humorous dance number. All amidst an hour and a hour and a. half of call of duty-esque

violence. Sure. When I did get, while I did get quite a confidence boost, she says, after realizing my own boobs are much prettier than 90% of the boobs shown in the film. Okay. My tits are fantastic compared to these apes. Look at this. I love

that, just a big smile and just going across her face. These tities are great. These weird ass tities that keep being shown in this movie. An exceedingly Did anyone else find the tits in this movie odd? All right, I've got one.

All right, there we go. All right. I'm glad. Or the exceedingly crazy. I don't want to look at that comment section. So, let's see. I couldn't wait until it was over so I could go see Inglorious Bastards again. If you really want to see

it, rent it when it comes out, it isn't worth the $12 you're waste by seeing it in theaters. Pretty sound advice. I just like you're going to Glorious bastards and being, finally, regular. Tits! Jesus Christ! Look it, just not trying to turn any heads, just some normal fucking

tits. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Oh, this is much better than Gamer. Oh, yeah, for sure. Oh, yeah, no. Ovo, nice titsch. What was her name in that movie? Shoshana! Shana, nice tits. Very good, I'll stay

for the strudel. I want to see your titties. Go ahead. It's a good Christoph waltz he got going over there. I'm practicing a little bit. All right, here we final one here one out of 10 stars oh painful end to the summer sure as the subject line here

written by Frank 1217 28th of September 2009 wow Frank summer ending at the end of September huh must be nice for you Frank I don't know what the fuck you do for a living fantastic here we go a lot of film snobs hate action movies

but this was terrible even by action movie for those of us who like them. Save your money and go watch the running man instead, they say. Sure. Pretty decent. You could rent it by this point. It's a good movie, in contrast to this. This is a helpful review.

Go to your red box. I can't imagine this flick appealing to anyone who is not a 13-year-old boy. Even then, I'm not sure there are enough tits and asses in the world to save this movie. The other reviewer thought the same thing. Matter of fact. The biggest disappointment of all was seeing the talents of Michael C. Hall, who was brilliant in six feet under,

and Dexter squandered in such a fashion. Lost now, like tears and rain. Where have you gone? They close with. I can't wait for this one to be riffed somewhere. Now that would be worth seeing. We've been We Hate Movies from New York. City. Thank you so much for coming out.

Thank you, guys. A lot of fun. Thank you. Get home safe. Tip your servers. We'll see you next time. Bye-bye. Thank you. I'm sorry. Thank you.

I'm sorry. Thank you.