We Hate Movies - S14 Ep755: From Dusk Till Dawn (W❤️M, Live in Austin)

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

“It’s a real smorgasbord of vampires...” - Andrew  Recorded Live at Cap City Comedy in Austin, TX 5.15.24 On this week’s Summer Break episode, we were in Austin, Texas chatting about one of our all-time faves of the 1990s, From the Dusk Till Dawn! Did QT write this movie just so he could suck on Salma Hayek’s feet? How fantastic is Michael Parks at the start of this movie? Why couldn’t Seth have sent Richie to get those Big Kahuna burgers instead? And is this film is Cheech Marin’s Nutty Professor?! PLUS: The exciting conclusion of this season’s VHS Trailer Game!  From Dusk Till Dawn stars George Clooney, Harvey Keitel, Quentin Tarantino, Juliette Lewis, Ernest Liu, Salma Hayek, Danny Trejo, Tom Savini, Fred Williamson, Michael Parks, John Saxon, Kelly Preston, John Hawkes, and Cheech Marin as Border Guard, Carlos & Chet Pussy; directed by Robert Rodriguez.  This episode is brought to you in part by Rocket Money! Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney dot com slash WHM. That’s RocketMoney dot com slash WHM. RocketMoney dot com slash WHM. Be sure to head to our website for all ticketing information on our final shows of the year in Seattle, Portland (Oregon) & Boston! Make the WHM Merch Store your one-stop shop for all your We Hate Movies merch-related needs! Including new Bus Movie, Night Vision & Too Old For This Shit designs!   Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

I'm going to be able to be. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to be. We're going to be. We're going to be able to be.

We're going to be. I don't know what I'm going to be. I don't know. Well, well, here we're going to be. Oh, well, here we are, just still locked away, and our man. mountain retreat for the summer. Rocking and rolling and relaxing. I mean, you guys can relax, but

Jay Master's work has never done. Oh, my God. I'm trying to meditate out here. No. Get your fucking head in the game, Chris. Head in the game. I am trying to center myself, Stephen. Before we play your mad game

that you force us to play like some type of jigsaw-like figure, we should tell the folks at home. Oh, yes. Yes. You know, coming up is our live episode. from Austin Tejas on from Dust Till Dawn and that's right we are giving a little preview to the Patreon this month and on Thursday we'll be unlocking an animation damnation episode on Doug's Halloween adventure and yes right which I believe that was the first one we did right that was the

advent of the patty mayonnaise horrifically sad impression that I believe so and uh Roger Klotz as a as a as a Jan Sixer that's also fun in that episode It's a key text in that regard. That's like they're sneaking into like a, or they go to a haunted amusement land or something. Sure. There's some type of amusement park opening in, uh, what the hell is that town named Funderberg? Something like that, wherever it was. Funbill, where the fuck they live?

Oh, no, he's Doug funny. He's done funny, so anything he does is fun. I don't know. I guess we should relisten to the episode and find out. We will on Thursday, which you get for free, but actually. we do a ton of great animation damnations all the time my little passion project this month on the pay feed we're doing

Silver Hawks which is an absolutely insane show from the 80s that I barely remember and I'm more confused after I watched it. It's an animated walk and talk and toy commercial that's exactly what that is. We've also done I mean Ghostbusters numerous times TMNT numerous times

Like any of your favorite cartoons We've probably done all these The big ones and the little ones And movies too We should mention who framed Roger Rabbit is on there As a full-length movie episode At that $3 level Insane

Insane what we're giving away here People for $3! They are not crummy-crommies They are really goody-goody episodes A gummy Bears I think that's another one just popped on my head I don't know why Just tons of Batman the Animated Series.

We did Almost Got Him. And we also did the full-length episode on Mask of the Fantastic. One of my favorite movies of all time. We also covered the Nick. Our Real Monsters has been on there. We picked which Nick Glody wants. Some we didn't want to deal with quite with the aura around them. We didn't want to deal with.

But yeah, Real Monsters, great episode. If you're in your 40s, you're going to love it. Or your mid-30s, I hope. Or you're a 20-year-old watching this old shit ironically. I love that. With a big bowl of cereal. Now, everybody got a big bowl of popcorn because I'm going to play real quick. Uh-oh.

Coming soon to theater. It's the VHS trailer game finale, ladies and gentlemen. The entire season has led up to this. And I got to tell you, it is a fucking nail bider over here at WHMHQ. It is still anyone's game. It is anyone's game. because Eric, my beloved Eric, last year's champion. Champion, okay?

And no one could ever take that away from him. You know what I mean? He'll always be last year's champion. That's right. Hand this jersey up. He is finishing the season. He's coming into the finale with 22 huge points. Love that for me.

Andrew, after our live episode on Speed, we did a VHS trailer game that was worth for three rounds. Andrew, I believe, got two out of three right. Chris got the other one, which put Andrew at 84 points. Now, Chris Cabin at 85 points, ladies and gentlemen. Separated by a single point. This is a nail biter. And I'm just, you know, I've been pacing myself, so I'm just going to get right by you guys.

Don't worry about it. Well, Eric has the perfect ability to be a spoiler here. You know what I mean? That's exactly, I don't think, even with, yeah. My brainworm? You're going to talk about my brainworm now? Yep, that's right. And that time you ate that dog, dude.

It was delicious. No regrets. So as everybody knows how those trailer game goes. I'm going to read off a series of clues. The first one was five points, four points, three points. If you guess incorrectly on the first clue or whatever, you're out for that round. You can come back for the next round. Mm-hmm.

Yep. We've been there. Sounds good. Hey, shut up. I will take points away. Sure. Give them to Eric, which would be meaningless. Yes, do it. Do it. I would have to give

Eric 60 points for him to be near this. I love this game now. Okay, 60 for me on the big board. Here it comes. All right. So, FYI, this is off our Dustal Non-episode, our live episode. By the way, in case you, when you listen to this, this will be the second night

in a row that I complained about Texas's anti-pornography laws. Okay. Just two straight nights in a row on your pedestal. Texas pornography laws. I think next season

it's going to be the VHS pornography game right. For Steve was really hung out the dry. We had done

a mail or a special VHS trailer game episode on from Dustle Dawn to promote that show so that

what I'm pulling from here are the first couple ones are going to come from Dustle Dawn to Texas Blood Money

and the other ones will come from Dustledon three Hangman's daughter which I found out today both came out

in the same year of 1999. Nice. Kind of shocking. It truly was one of the best years for cinema. All right, here we go. So round one. Game Masters Kalu. A sports movie

insofar as they show the major event on ESPN. This one's about a good boy gambler and his shitty friend gambler who tries to ruin his life. Andrew Juven. Rounders? It is rounders for five points. Okay. Rounders is one of those

I think we can do that on the H-feed It's like it's a movie I used to love It's not very good It's not very good But it's a lot of fun But is I mean I'm thinking back to like when I met you Steve That was a like

I don't think you specifically had it But you could qualify it as a college Dorm Room poster movie Oh big time And I was very into poker at the time I kind of kind of need a poker game I don't know I need some I need friends that want to play poker with me

I don't have them Degenerates? poker. Let's think about that. I just don't play poker in public. Yes, because I'm fucking terrible. I want on an Oscar Madison big fucking chomping chips

and smoking cigars poker game. Can we do that? Sure. With salt on the earth type of people? Well, you're going to have to go to the old west for that Steve. I was going to say the last part of that. No. Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right here we go. Round two. Everyone's at the fucking pins and needles. Okay.

We are. We're real. Hold on. Here comes. Round two. Game Master's Clue. This 70s set drama was supposed to be a road to the Oscars for a comedic powerhouse known for playing multiple characters. It sure wasn't.

All the Coke, sex, and dance movies couldn't help this movie make any impact on Chris Cabin. 54. I want to suck your car. Yes. That's the only thing you can remember from that movie. Apparently there was a, what do you call it?

They're a large, no large, but a director's cut that because apparently they cut out that Brian, Ryan Philippi is bisexual in that movie and then they were like well that makes no sense because oh really like why would you do a fucking 54 movie if everyone isn't sucking and fuck until the sun comes

that's what it was there for I don't remember that movie at all that movie made no impact whatsoever it's so long too I remember it being very long I think it's like two hours for all of that shit is it one of those like we got a lot of avenues a lot of different storylines and whatnot

I think Neff Campbell's in it for a bit like it there's yeah there's a lot a lot of shit. So now we're in the dreaded hangman's daughter situation. Oh, okay. I don't mean, it makes no difference because it came out the same year, but who gives a shit?

Sure. Here we go. Prequel, by the way. It was a prequel. No points for that. Game Masters Kalu. A sequel to an incredibly successful horror sequel. This one took its characters to an incredibly

meta place, complete with cameos from characters from another film. Andrew Juppen. Scream 3. It is Scream 3 for five big points. Jay and Silent Bob, most recently seen on that 90s show. Don't be surprised. Are they really?

Oh, my God. Because Kevin Smith, like, directed some episodes, I think. And I haven't watched it or anything, but I've seen him plug it. It's like, there they are. And he's, like, skinny Kevin Smith, but it's in the 90s. Weird. And is the Silent Bob talking now or something? He's just, he was rat-a-tatting in the clip that I saw.

Unfair. No, they should have C-G-Ied some fat on them. or a suit or something Yeah Okay So Final round Here it comes

Okay Round four Game Masters Kalu Sure Another hip teen pseudo horror flick starring multiple actors

From the WB This one based on a young adult novel About a nasty teacher Chris Cabin Teaching Miss Tingle It is teaching Miss Tingle It is teaching Miss Tingle It is teaching Miss Tingle, which, by the way, if you're giving score, that brings Chris in 95, Andrew to 94, Crystal leads by one point.

But there just might be a lightning round. Yes, that's right. It's the lightning round this time around. We're not doing the DVD game. It is bald, balder, or baldest. You will have to. We're in, I will tell you the character and the movie that this character actor was in. you have to guess between one of three character actors.

Number one will be Zach Grenier. Who the fuck do you think you are? You crazy little shit? That is him being the boss from Fight Club. You don't know what I'm talking? Zach Gronier, who's part with the boss from Fight Club, nasty guy. Or Kurt Fuller.

My guys. You're my guys. That is Kurt Fuller. in Wayne's World playing Roger, I believe. No, Russell, Rob Lo's Evil Number 2, another bald character actor. So you're asking us who the baldest of these are? No, no, I'm going to give you the name of a character in a movie, and you have to say, is it Zach Gronier, is it Kurt Fuller,

or is it the king of bald character actors himself, Stephen Tobolowski? Okay. Watch out for that first step. It's a doozy. Love that, Tomo. Okay, here we go. So there are 17 of these.

Holy shit. So the world is up for grabs here. Sure. Even though Eric, current, win. What? Is it how many,

is it one point per guess? I will do five just to keep in that in that world. So it's going to be, it's going to, so Eric, I mean, like 17 times five. Maybe he can still look.

I don't know. I'll be a spoiler. It's okay. I'm, you know, I'm on my RFK Junior run here. That's right. I'm going to spoil the election for some right.

And Andrews Biden and Chris, you're Trump. Okay. Thank you. Love it. Hey, man. Where am I, man? Kind of hoping by the time this airs that one of those entries isn't accurate anymore.

I'm hoping for both. That'd be fucking fantastic. How about a restart? Okay. So Baldi, Baldur and Baldus, here it comes. Lightning Round. He played Werner Kemper in autofocus. I saw Andrew go up first. That's Kurt Fuller.

That is Kurt Fuller for five big points. Okay. He played executive number two in previous episode, Shock to the System. One in three chances to get this time. Andrew. Zach Gronier. Zach Gronier for my points.

Oh, my God. Okay. Which one? Is that the Michael Cain movie? It is the Michael Cade movie. Oh, that takes me back. Yeah, that's a big one. Okay, he played Douglas, the Admiral McCarver, in the movie Christian Mingle.

Eric. I'll go with Tobo. That is Tobo, Eric, five big points for Tobo. I love this. Oh, Stephen, when I was recording. What was it, Christian Mingle? Yes, that's based on a dating app. Can you believe it?

Oh, Jesus, Tovo. I mean, I know everybody's got to pay the bills. Tobo, there's plenty of fish out there. Okay, number four. He played Tony in the Running Man. Chris. Grenier. Not Grinier.

Andrew. Fuller. Fuller. There you go. Okay. He played Oliver Mitz in Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde. Eric. Tobo?

Tobo again. Ooh, I've never seen that movie. I remember that, speaking of a trailer games, the trailer all over every... It's kind of a movie we can't do, probably. No, I don't think so. No, no, no, no. Yeah, no, no, no.

Okay, he played Sid Greenberg in Talk Radio. Chris. Zach Grenier. Zach Grinier, Chris is back with five points. Okay, he played... I haven't seen Talk Radio even forever. Good movies. I've never seen it.

Oh, it's great. Yeah. All right, now he played Vaughn Arks in Stewart Saves His Family. Tobo? Incorrect. Ooh. Sorry, Chris. Fuller.

Fuller. This is an exciting new lightning round. Is it just the ladies and gentlemen? He played Eric Cluster in the Insider. Chris. Tobolowski. It's Tobolowski. Okay.

They, plural, by the way, they played Len Dunkel and Lee and Lane Michelson on different episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm. So two different guys, curb your enthusiasm out of the three. Chris Gavin. Zach Grenier. And? Zach Grenier. Oh, both of them? Kurt Fuller.

Incorrect. Andrew Juppin. Grignet Tobo. Grinier Tobo for five big points. Okay. He played Ted Riley and Tommy Boy. Chris Cabin. Saccharine. Okay.

This is my favorite one of the bunch. He played Concerned Citizen in Gay Batman. Andrew Juven? I'm just going to say Kurt Fuller. You're right. It's Kurt Fuller. Uh, okay. He played Davis in previous episode Cliffhanger. Chris.

Uh, Grenier. Grenier again. Okay, uh, here we go. He played Warden Holiday in previous episode wedlock. Eric Siska. Tobo. It's Tobo again for Eric Siska. Yeah, that's, I can only do, I can only win at Tobo.

So the people know at home, I've, I've been trying to buzz in, but I've been beaten to the Push. He has. Eric is participating. He is trying. It's a gunfight here. People might think for me it's a sit-down study hall. My head's on the desk, you know.

No, you're in it, man. And I'm doing my best with these lightning fast ones that are, everyone's very close. Whatever my eyes sees. Sure. No. No favoritism here. He played Bud in failure to launch. Andrew?

Grinier. Incorrect. I saw Chris. Tobolowski. Tobolowski. All right. Here we go. Two more left.

Oh, no. Three more left. Okay. He played Eddie in Twister. Chris. Zach Gronier. Zach Gwignet. He played Bernie in the fan.

Chris Cabin. Fuller. Fuller. And finally, they played Antonio Gallo and Arturo Galley in the Jason Priestley vehicle Calendar Girl. It's two out of three, Chris.

Tobolowski. And? Oh, Grenier. Incorrect. Jupid. Tobo Fuller. Tobolr. Okay.

This is tough. I've got to do some math here on the fly. This might get cut out. Okay. Okay. after the tallies and I want to thank Philippe Sabrero does a fantastic job

on everything he does but also helps me keep the score on the trailer game and keep me honest so I appreciate that I like an outside commission to invest in this and that's what we've set up this year. Make sure Eric's points are correct. I don't want any slippage here I want this dead on. You can thank my

administration for helping setting this up as the champion right now. I know my time is over and I will hand the belt over The belt is over. Eric finished with 42 huge points. Congratulations to Eric. There's slightly bigger points than the other guys. And unfortunately,

Andrew Jupin finished with 124 points to Chris Cabins, 135. He went on a little bit of a run there in the lightning round. We're still at the convention, right? Can I send my delegates to Andrew? Delegates pledge. The delegate points. Come on. Come on. Let's do it. Well, congratulations, Chris.

season. And you know what I think is going to happen? It's going to happen. We've talked about it a little bit here and there. So Chris Cabin wins the Camino's Slush Fund. The redo of his choice which we'll come back to on September the 9th. September the 10th.

And of course a WLM that will be sometime later in the year. And you know what? Because he's won so much, he is now the Jame Master for season 15.

It's like you fell off a roof and now he's the Santa Claus. My shoulder. Oh, my God, he's getting shorter in real time. Incredible news. Wow, look at this. I need glasses. Where are my glasses? Hey, that is not how I sound.

Thank you very much. Comic book. Well, this is a very exciting development. The tables have turned on you now. Yes, Stephen. Now you're in the hot seat. One of the hot seats. One of the hot seats.

I'm available for any guidance, but once the season starts, we're not friends anymore. Yeah, it's true. It's all enemies for me now. Well, this is fantastic. A development such as this can only be followed by an excellent ass episode, which is what you are about to hear when we were live in Austin, Texas, one of our favorite cities on this goddamn earth, talking about one of the best of the 90s from Dust Till Dawn.

So enjoy and congratulations, Chris. People sit here on board it, think it happens to see me. Dark night. It's a dark man. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Hiya. All right, toe-suckers, let's suck some toes!

Too many shoes! I'm seeing way too many shoes here! You guys didn't... You were supposed to tell you out front, you might not supposed to wear shoes for this show. Sandals only, that's what we asked. I guess... Communication was a problem, that's fine. Well, the mean green will shake toes. Yes. We'll shake toes. All right, they're making a bunch of promises to you all that time not going to fall. Sure.

You know, that's a little footsie? You just suck at the feet of strangers? Oh, well that's... I'm curious which the little piggy's going to the market. I mean, Futsi with a bud of 20 years, that's what's that. I guess that's fair. Futsi with a complete stranger, what is it, the 1980s? You're right.

It's got his fucking gremlins, too. I was trying to keep it weird. Wow, death. Death to that joke. Because, holy shit. I guess it's just a normal town. Yes, it's a very normal town. Austin, what is happening?

Oh, man. Hell yeah. So nice to see all y'all's beautiful faces this evening. Thanks for coming out to Night 2 of the W.O.G.M. Texas Two-Step. Real quick. I know it's a little bit of a schlap. That means it's a little bit of a journey. It takes a long time.

I forgot that means different things. You never know. You never know. Anyone in Night 1 last night? Oh, right there is. So don't tell anyone when we repeat all the same jokes. all the same bits. I didn't bring my whoopee cushion.

You missed the Brockdown. Speaking of fucking jokes over DOA. Get ready for more. Zero props this time around. We'll try to revive them like a vampire. We couldn't find a Dave and Busters to have fun and like see low level, entry level gambling the way you see

at a Dave and Busters. It's really amazing. Like he got a, Steve got a whoopee cushion for a winning deal or no deal to video game. That's right. I fucking smoked that shit. He did. He did.

Incredible. Can I tell you, so, yeah, we went to a David Busters yesterday to kill time. Because some of these places are like, show up four hours before you show. It's going to take two seconds to do a mic check and then fuck off.

We don't care. So we had time to fuck off. Yes. And we went to a David Busters. I've never been to a David Busters before. And I've got to tell you, probably the closest thing I've come to doing heroin. He loved it. He was going back and film that

card. I refilled the fucking card. I was like, what are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing? I just got to play, man. There's a Sonic the Hedgehog Olympics game I gotta do. He's trying to sell his plane ticket home. Tell me what you want me to fuck. Just put more credits on my car. I had to pull him away from the adult hungry hippos game that you get on like a ride. Yeah. Amazing.

amazing. I was the old bastard there that's like, so tell me how this works. And I day, it was quarters. And she's like, oh, there's a card. And I was like, and what do you do with the card? And she's like, you put it on the... Is this your first time doing heroin?

How dare you? How dare you not know? How many of y'all are familiar with the show we run on the internet. Music to Daddy's ears. Thank you. Yes, yes. Podcasts. the internet are not illegal here yet. No.

Pornography sure is. So you got frozen out of the hotel you discovered, right? That's Steve's heroin, by the way. This is one of my few joys on the road. It's just a nice thing to do. That's, I assumed, like, they went to

back, like, whoever the local government is at Austin went against Texas the state to get pornography free here. That should not happen. That's what should have happened. And we got, we rolled in late last night and then all of a sudden with a group text it's a big fucking frowny emoji you were the whole drive

out here last night we were like they got a storm that capital I got to storm that capital I think that's what the movie Civil War is about that's how it started dude Texas fucking block pornography and they were like no more Jesse Plevin's like

are you a you porn American or a Pornhub American oh you're an ex-hamster American Into my lie, pin. Oh, you must be one of those downloading pornography people. Oh, one of that hard copy kind of weirdos. Slepping a hard drive.

They're slapping a hard drive all right now. Is that, oh, what you got? Is that a 2 terabyte? Ooh, that's nice. That thing is loaded. You could get Lena Paul's whole filmography on there. Oh, and what a filmography it is.

and Robert Rodriguez is hell of a transition professional how many folks had seen this great movie before we announced for the show fuck yeah as you should fuck yeah

now I'm curious because it's not built into one of the reviews I'm going to read at the end of the program so I want to bring it out now because going through a lot of the reviews to find stuff for tonight there's a seize worth of people who didn't understand the point

of this movie. If you read a lot of the reviews it's like, yeah, well, it was fine. It's like a scumbag crime kind of thing for an hour. And then vampires? There's like 50 of those reviews of people getting totally screwed over by this movie.

Mad Max is a loner, then he drives the truck. I thought this is about his family. Isn't this all about, isn't this a family drama we're talking about here, Mad Max? Oh, they're dead. I was just going to watch the Torrance family in Joy, Colorado, over the winter. And what is with these ghosts?

All right, so it's a movie where an estranged husband is going cross-country to visit his wife at work on Christmas Eve at German terrorists? What is this shit? Oh, wait a minute. I thought this was a nice movie about a kid, meaning a bunch of strange people. You're telling me they're all ghosts? What the fuck? Come on, that's cheap shit.

Pardon me. If you kill Santa Claus, you become Santa Claus. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's David Byrne with an acoustic guitar, but then the rest of the band comes out? What the fuck is that? I thought you just had a tape to play me. What the fuck? I mean, I'm going to be honest with you. I don't see any psycho killers up there.

Not a single one. How many people, so you watch this movie, this movie is kind of an enjoyment delivery system for a 16-year-old boy. This is my most rented tape ever. I'm at best before porn porn. No, not only that, but the violence and the cool costumes. Not only that.

Not only that. Not only that. Well, because like when you're a teenager, you know, such as you were at the time. Sure. You know, it's like, what do you dig on? Right? You dig on like QT crime action kind of stuff. You like horror movies quite a bit. You're a Rodriguez fan at this point, Desperado's out.

Oh, yeah. And you fucking love huge tit. Uh-huh. So that formula, add that all together. That's a Steve Sadek rental class. Well, you're leaving out, of course, being a huge fan of Quentin Tarantino, the actor, which I was at 16. Just, I loved Destiny Turns On the Radio.

Fantastic movie. Did Destiny turn off the radio? Please. Oh, you know that was some hack film critic post-adish. Yeah, right here. At the time it came out, I mean. Oh, yeah, of course. Yeah.

Eric was zero cool on 80. cool news. Yep, that's it. No, don't say that. That's probably a real guy. Stolen power, stolen power! No, I was like, fair. I was crash over, right?

Thankfully, he stopped doing that, right? Like, the last one was Django Unchained, I think, was the last time he tried to, like, crab his fat ass into a movie. Oh, right, he played, like, that Australian character. Oh, yeah. Did he ever? Oh, right, that's rough.

Because, yeah, like, he's a fine, like, I don't know, no. He's a, he's a fine, he's a, he's a, he's a, He's a guy. Well, like, well, because, yeah, like, Reservoir Dogs, anything there? No.

Not doing it for anybody. Reservoir Dogs was saved because Bouchemi, like, beat, like, he realized that Bouchetti, he wanted to be Mr. Pink, which would have sunk that. Big mistake. Sunk it dead.

But, like, you'd never see another film by Quentin Ter. You would have never heard his name. Yes. Yes. I mean, the language is not fantastic, but he's seen in Pulpiction is something else. Yes.

I will say that. Yeah, the language is signed. That's the, like, percentage, right? That's just one scene dream. Just play a guy. Yeah, you know. You know the rhythm of a movie. You know the rhythm of the dialogue.

You wrote it, so I see why you're coming in here. But a whole movie against George Clooney. Tough stuff. Not good. You know what? You're overplaying your hand, I think. I mean, obviously this movie was written so that you could get Salma Hayek's toe in his mouth. I just feel like he was watching Desperato.

He said Desperado. for a minute. Again, only for a minute. Totally fine. Hey, Robert, I saw that's barada. I did, great, oh, not the Reddit apartment. I have a screenplay about his in Braudder's apartment, like, a bank robbers is a getaway poster.

And, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and he's, Dracula poster. A vampires. And they go to a strip club, and then Salma puts her foot in mind. I don't know, did I say that part out loud, man? Oh, no. I imagine it wasn't very much

like Jerry Seinfeld. waking up to the stars of Zedman or whatever and he's like So high foot mouth! Why were these notes? It sounds great, but I don't remember where this came from. Because it's, well, it's not just the feet and it's not just the sucking on the toes, it's the fucking foot

body shot, with the tequila or whatever. It's very pointed that he's out of the movie right after that. He's like, yeah, I got what I needed. Yep. Good night, everybody. Gotta go. I got what I came. here for it, Shan. He's not so interested in killing vampires or solving the problem.

Robert, did you come here now? Look, I know Juliet has a sotsong in this scene. Could you get rid of them? I think that would really play better. It's hot in Texas. I don't think socks is really realistic. Strike the socks. Strike the socks.

Get them out. We go into the bedroom. We go into the bedroom. Could Hart not be wearing socks? Ooh, that's a corn. Ooh, that's a nice corn you got there. Ooh, Harvey, you did some work on that. Harvey Tintel foot fetish, that's Ben in Texas.

You cannot, you cannot access that right now. That's the exam. I meant to say it was me, my son, and my bunions. That's what's in this camper. Great. I do, again, I love this movie. This is what we love movies episode, we should say. Yeah.

We hate movies. We do love this movie. We all love this one. We're going to Austin with a show like ours talking about a Robert Rodriguez movie and not expect to be assassinated. We really had to lay it out there. We love this one. We just want to make fun of parts of it. But I've got to say, it's okay to hate a movie.

And if you hate it, that's good, too. I was like, talk to your cold open here. This cold open is. Well, baby. Betty's World of Liquor. And I think it's the first I saw John Knox, probably. Really? Wow.

Yeah. Timeline was, yes. You got something before that, Chris? I'm trying to remember. I don't remember. Dredge the depths. I won't be doing that. No, but I'm just saying, like, the first time I saw this movie was the first time I saw John Hawks in anything.

I don't even know it was John Hawks. Yeah. I wasn't like, oh, cool, look, winter's bones. You weren't a psychic? That's right, I'm not a psychic. You play his Pete in this, and he's not even supposed to be here today. It is funny. It is Benny's world of booze.

Benny is supposed to be here dealing with this shit, and Benny is nowhere to be found. I assume he's dead. That's the only thing I can assume. Oh, it's a legacy title from the Star Store? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's not the rhyming screen. It doesn't, like, really work at all.

And the great Michael Park shows up as the Ranger Girl. The Brawl. Yes. He's happened a bad day, and he's going to get tanked tonight. There are deliveries, and there are deliveries, man. And just the enunciate, tanked tonight. It's beautiful. He was a beautiful soul man. He was a beautiful soul man. He outlines the story about where he's had a bad day,

went to breakfast, and this lady, the slurs in the script is about, it's 1990s, it's Tarantino, but it's like, you know, her mentally challenged son was making the food, and it made him sick, and he says, I was throwing up pigs in the blanket by 1130. And I'm like, you had pigs in the blanket for breakfast? Dude. For breakfast. That's right. That is like a 4 p.m. and on piece of fare. Yeah, right, they were like preparing a cocktail party.

Yeah, I imagine today he's talking about, like, the pancake ones with the actual breakfast sausage. But all I can think of is hot dogs and croissants. Yes. Stuffing in the mouth at 9 a.m. That's not insult. This might be a local delegate. Oh, I'm sorry. I apologize for that. Is it, wait, hot dogs wrapped in croissant for breakfast, you're doing that? Thank you. No, you're negative.

There you go. They're keeping it weird. Well, I'll just say the sodium count in all of you must be a horrific. Jimmy Dean's Little Weeners for breakfast. I'd buy that, and that's Jimmy Dean's Little Weeners? You sold it like that, yeah. Mr. Dean is like, can we change the title of that one, please? You know, my name doesn't have to be on every sausage product we make.

Well, it just sounds like you're saying I got a small cock, is what I'm saying. Well, that's, I mean, anybody who went to, if they weren't in the freezer aisle and you were looking for them, It would be like buying condoms when you're a teenager. I was, the pigs in the blanket that Jimmy Dean makes, the little, you know what? The little. Oh, you're looking to be the little beaners. Not exactly. Yes, yes, I do want them.

I wasn't going to need customer assistance in the frozen aisle. A man in the yellow hat needs to find the tiny weeners. Yes. Yeah, I'll take all you got. Give me all. I don't want to buy it again. I was actually looking for his big dicks. Got some of those?

Big Dix party sausage. She says juicy hunker. Jimmy Deed's giant hogs. There is. That's the one. We have a weener. There it is. Made with fresh hogs. Pits, not pigs.

So Michael Parks, because of the food poisoning from his pre-noon pigs in a blanket, he's got to use the turlet. So he goes to the tourlet, and out comes our robbers here. George Clooney is Seth Gecko, and QT is Richie Gecko. There's a lot of people arguing outside of this bathroom. Better ignore it. Yeah, you know, when I came into this here, liquor store, it appeared to me like it was me and the clerk,

but now there's clearly six people in this scene. Did I just hear guns cock? Oh, you know what? I know Pete's a big Don Imus guy. That must be what it is. It's cranking the talk radio. Oh, man. He's always telling people that he's going to shoot him.

Yeah, that guy was filthy. Quick question of the Gecko brothers. Who got the Caesar haircut first, do you think? It's seven. Because it's matching haircuts. Yeah, yeah. It definitely has to be seven. And then Richie was like, oh, cool, the older brother did it.

I'm going to do it, man. I got to look like my older brother, man, okay? Yeah, he was dumb as fuck too, man. That was a bad, that was a bad hair. Well, that's how you know their brothers, right? That's like, oh, it's genetic, man. We just look like this. Yeah.

Well, QT with the same haircut as George Clooney kind of looks like in the Mario 64 when you stretched his face out. Yeah. Like, we just like really made it big. And it lowered this part. It's like, oh, okay, there he is. Why did that exist in that game to show you how far graphics it comes?

Yes. Right, but it's like, you're just like tugging on this poor man's nose, and they would do it, blah, blah, blah, no. Like, that's, kids shouldn't be fucking with that man. Tugging it tomorrow? No one's tonguing anything. Don't you remember all talking about it? No.

You fucking, dude, I remember. I wasn't a little rich boy. He didn't have the 64, the power. 10d-64, Mario's 64, you fired that fucker up? The first thing you saw was that dude's floating head just on the screen, and before you could start the game, you could, like, touch it.

I would be throwing up my pigs in a blanket. Well, you know what it is, Andrew? It's anti-Italian sentiment, and I don't appreciate it. I know, definitely not. I don't like it. You can get to twirl his mustache, though. No, it was my teeth of it. That is all right. It's one thing I want to touch on Mario's face. It's his mustache. Of course. You shouldn't be able to touch

the whole body. Is it just the face? It was a floating head. It was slightly It's just the face. I love that ass. Can I feel you? Listen, sometimes Dr.

Mario needs a physical himself, right? Wah! Ha! Woo! Well, Mario, you just turned 42. Time to do it. It's like

when he gets fire on his ass is just going on. Yeah. Yeah. Magnificent Get checked for colon cancer It's true But you need a mushroom first

You get bigger So the guy could easily fist you Or whatever they do All right I'm going to get on this ladder first And then get my way up there I feel Mario's the guy Who's ordering that thing

Where you like shit the box And send it to someone Do you see those commercials Where it's like if you're embarrassed To go to the doctor To get screen for colon cancer We'll mail you this fun box I almost said

Dr. Kong, Donkeycock. That dude never finished high school. He doesn't have a doctorate anything. Donkey Kong works for the insurance company. Drawing all that crap at you? Isn't it bad enough I just got fingered at the officer? It is bad enough. You shouldn't have to put up with this.

Can you take off the raccoon suit? This is getting really weird. So yeah, the Gecko brothers were on their way to get a roadmap and they've hijacked two young women and Mr. Pete Bottoms himself and are trying to get out but, you know, basically Tarantino as Richie is kind of an asshole

is like, this guy's sending it to signals and such. Yeah, really stirring the pot. Yeah, it's a real shit head. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This is crazy, though, because it's like we have a huge argument. Like, you gotta cut to Michael Parks taking, like, the loudest piss in the song. They're straight up fucking Casabetti

screaming at each other in this scene. He walks in with a boom. box, he says, I'm just going to go back there. He should be puking, right? Yeah, he said, oh yeah, I didn't hear the screams, what with all the retching? Yes, if I was retching, you could have an argument, you could do anything out there. You know what? I was in the bathroom, I heard, I heard Quentin Tarantino's forehead. I don't know how, but I heard it.

It just woke me out. You know, maybe it's, I'm silly. I'm being silly, I'm sorry. You could feel the air shift in the building. There's a new sector of gravity all of a sudden. But instead of being like, okay, we're just going to, like, scram, like, get in the car and go, it's, all right, now this time when this fucking cop comes out of the bathroom, don't say nothing. We're going to go back and hide in the corner over here. Just leave. Just get out of there.

Where is Alan fun to this kid in camera sketch? Jesus Christ. All right, Alan Funtadens. That's something that's, you know, no one over 60s in the audience. Unfortunately, I don't know what you're saying. They would have loved it. I'm a young man. From half-court, Steve, I love that.

So, Michael Parks gets shot. Brains blown all over John Hawks' face. Oh, no. Pretty sweet. And that is the breaking point. He just can't take it anymore. He takes out his own gun and blows a hole in Quentin Territino's hand that would probably kill him in another day.

If they just waited it out, we'd be fine. Oh, no, that's my stifling hand, man. Oh. They later wrap it in, like, electrical tape. are tough guys. They like disaffected whiskey and stuff. Later in the movie, his fingers should be falling off like years.

You know what I mean? Like, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. They should look like the Jimmy Dean mini-weeers. Oh, yeah, I need that the morning. I do love, so they do this cool thing with the toilet paper and the kerosene

and then bottles. And like John Hawks, as the stuntman, it reminded me very much of whatever you like in Street Fighter, Bird like someone, it was the same shape no matter what, Chuck Lee, Blanca or otherwise. And like John Hawks comes out as this hulking

brute on fire. I'm like, that ain't that dude. It's awesome, dude. He hides behind the bar, gets covered in booze. They light him on fire and he jumps up. He looks like the Michelin Major. This stuntman, though, this is great. This poor fucker's got to jump over a counter, fall on a pile of unpopped popcorn.

That's kind of hot. It's beautiful. His flaming corpse is cooking the popcorn. Every movie should have a man on fire. I don't care what it's about. I mean, that was my main problem with a view from the bridge. Yes. Was there was no fire on anyone. Is there a man on fire in a man on fire?

Ah, you beat me too, and I was going to ask the same question. I think there is. I think there is. If it's false advertising. You know what, but there's the Scott Glenn version. One of them's got to have it. Some of the time got to get a fire. I do wonder, I guess, Betty, or Earl, or whomever,

is hiding fireworks inside this? place, because, like, a burning body wouldn't make a building explode, would it? I don't think so, but if the burning body was next to a bunch of illegal fireworks possibly. I mean, look, man, this is a shitty roadside liquor store

slash gas station two hours from the Mexican border. Yeah. Yeah, there's fucking illegal fireworks there, don't worry about it. Shock full the basement's right with it. I'm surprised it's not more that, like, I'm surprised Yosembe doesn't have all this dynamite up in the fucking attic. The way this thing

blows up. That would be great if his liquor store's just going up and you see a little, it's like Roger Rabbit for two seconds, a little sand card to, yeah, hoo! My bones are burning. The most famous Texan. Right? One of them, yes. That's what we think about. It's him and Rich Linklander, that's it. Two different modes. Yes, I honestly. So yeah, the building explodes and it's badass. We got a good, I love the title sequence in this movie. Very surprising because it's like 96. My dude was just the doctor on ER, basically.

Kytel credited over George Clooney. Probably one of the last time to see Clooney not hit a top billing in a movie. It's kind of like a wiggle Jack Nicholson in Batman 89 kind of a deal. You're not going to credit me behind a fucking

stand-up community playing Batman. It makes even less sense here because George Clooney takes this movie and runs with it. Like, he's the thing you are magnetized by. I love Harvey Keitelie. He's great. I'm magnetized by a little bit.

A little bit. Oh, that hat? This fellow's got a hat right here. Looks like it. Oh, that's actually. Oh, that's right there. Harvey Keitel hat. That's there.

Now, is this a costume, or this is just normal? It's a cool fucking hat. It's not a costume. Listen, I'm jealous. Okay, exactly. You don't have the guts. It's a cool incident. There you go.

Cool fucking happen. I think it's fucking awesome. It's fantastic. I do, yeah, because this is a rare Kluene movie so far as, like, he's, like, tough in this movie, which, like, never happens after this. I mean, out of sight, maybe he's kind of tough

in that movie, but, like, this is, and he's also, like, a bastard. You know what I mean? Yes. A very rare, like, almost villainous George Clooney, But the amount of, like, fright that you get out of Seth get-go, it really is just kind of like your friend's jerk off dad. Yeah.

You know, that's about his, like, mental, like, oh, the gun, sure, or whatever. But when he's, like, yelling, you're like, all right, you just want the kids to go to bed because you're at work in the morning. That's kind of the level of fear I'm feeling here. He's got a few dad lines, like, ramblers, let's get rambling. Why don't we go into the chucky cheese? That's a line that would embarrass you in public, absolutely. Everybody put your shoes.

on her grandma's house. It's kind of very similar. They roll up to this shitty hotel. Yes. He totally just gives this old bastard the business, which is awesome. Love it. Slamming the bell. What the hell do you want?

Did you forget you're working in a motel, you old fuck? What do you want? I want a steak dinner. A room, of course. What do you want? He calls him a mean old bastard that makes me laugh every time. Because this guys are... Eyes are very Look, the abalment fluid is coming out of his ears, practically.

You're not an escort or a drug dealer? What do you want to root here for? But it is, I think this dude's a little bit of, like, if you're nasty to him, that, like, kind of wakes him up a little. Because after that old bastard, like, he kind of, like, cummy powers out. He's like, oh, someone's talking is dirty to me. I'm up to yon at you a room. Call me something else. Call me something meaner.

Mother, that beefcake called me a boy. Bastard! Let's go! Yeah, dude. They have a hostage who is a bank teller, this woman, and, you know, George Clooney explains this really cool speech about, like, you know, if you run, have five little friends, a little faster than you, i.e. bullets.

And it's kind of be like, you know what? You know who your brother is. Yes. Let him scour. He can go get the burgers. I am not leaving my rapist piece of shit brother alone with a female hostage. Yeah, because by now

we've got the news broadcast right about them and their past and how Richie's a sex offender. Is that a thing you get John Saxton for half a second? We get Kelly Preston doing like a robocop-esque thing of like

the death county is now six police officers, seven Rangers and three civilians. They're off to three stars on Fair Theft Auto. But you're right, Eric. the tease of John Saxon

I need like him to come back at the end of the movie it's me the King of the Vampires you didn't see it coming did you? The FBI was behind it

the whole time exactly Yeah the Bureau full of vampires I got a Primo spot first level on the tomb I just don't know if it's like a scene's deleted

kind of thing or just like it's we love him so let's put him in a little bit But Jesus, like a cameo, but he's in the building. But how about this? Flip it. QT works for the FBI, and John Saxon's the other fucking gay dog.

He should be the gecko father. He looks like George Clooney. Absolutely. Oh, my God, I would love that, like kind of sitcom or at this really grim drama. Yes. One of the other. Sure. Hey, you're not leaving the house looking like that.

You look like a whore. Whoa, whoa, two dates at the same time. what are you crazy? What's with that Caesar? What is this? That's supposed to be on salads. They? I don't know what the hell.

Why don't you put some mousse on and then go in your bedroom for the night? Keep it down. But actually, Saxon as the dad would be great because John Saxon, famously bald, famously unashamed of just wearing the worst fucking wig you've ever seen on anybody. You could just model him,

get a Caesar wig, put him on. Now I just got the same haircut I got my dad I got a shitty dumb tattoo with fire coming up here too By the way his wig did do the eulogy when he passed which was beautiful

You can check on YouTube that later It's a beautiful speech I cry every time I watch it It's a big bird singing at Jim Henson's funeral And John Saxon's wig giving the eulogy at John Saxon's funeral

Gets me every time It's about legacy Richie and Seth We've got to keep doing it I can actually imagine them doing cutaways to, like, the police trying to catch him. And then Robert Riggis is probably like, slow him down the movie. I don't know about that. I missed him again.

Getting up, goodbye. There are plenty of movies already in existence where John Saxon plays a law enforcement official cold on the trail of the movie. So one more you can't even, I guess. And it makes, like, the line, like, when Harvey Kytel sits, Seth Diamond is like, you've won. You beat the FBI, the fucking Rangers, you've beat them all. It makes it work better that you haven't really

seen any cops. Yeah. I haven't really seen that. There's someone chasing him. That's true. But yeah, so Seth goes out to get hamburgers and patrol the border and see. Big Kahuna Berger. Oh, yeah. There's a little, maybe too many references

to other. Oh, I thought writing a thing. I do on the Michael Parks bit, because he plays an old McGraw here. He also plays an McGraw and Kill Bill, I believe one and two. And on IMD, it's like, oh, you know, that means chronologically Kill Bill takes place before it. No, it's not. Okay, yes.

There are not vampires in the world of Kill Bill. Now, let's just relax. It's a cute little thing that he did for two movies. I just love that then this movie would be ignoring the existence of cell phones and stuff. Those exist in Kill Bill. Yeah, yeah, certainly do. Yeah, no, don't shit like that. Listen, folks, not everything has to connect, not everything's related.

Sometimes a dude just has the same name as another dude. Sure. That's it, and that's as far as it needs to go. You don't even fucking post up the internet about it. Nothing. Within 50 miles from here, there's 10 Earl McGrath. And they all look like Michael Parks. And they all love this fucking movie.

Well, the wife calls me no draw McGraw. Haven't really had a lot of erections lately. But then... That's what he should be bitching about He's assassinated I prefer that to like Oh my tummy hurt from all the sausage And fucking pancakes, I just think

Not the Marlop Parks anymore But when he is shot the back of the head He does a really great look on his face I'm like, am I being killed? It's more like you can see the person having its last thought That's kind of grits him and he's like Oh my God, Nick Dean came to get me. Hello! I just love that he was

want it to be like, oh, hey, Pete, having their erections lately. Because it does seem like they have a relationship. They're saying, like, this is every day I come in here, I get my Jack Daniels and my beard before 10 a.m. We're getting too close to a blue shoe ad. Well, it's a podcast, so it should be a... But, yeah, so unfortunately,

when he leaves creepy, richie, asks us later to join him on the bed, also asks her to take your shoes off. You want to watch creepy cartoons with me and Gladiator movies? Yeah, I can't decide to do this cartoon of Pigs All Smoking Cigars or some fair use-free public rights gladiator movie that's... Gloria, do you like Gladiator movies? I do appreciate that there is no...

We don't see what happens, and even, like, in the aftermath, it's kind of a... I like those quick cuts of... Exactly. ...of the blood on the wall. We're not relishing in it. It is just telling you this guy. is a piece of shit and you should not like him. Because also you've got to throttle

that shit back as much as possible before the movie takes the turn. Because then all bets are off and it's about as disgusting as it gets, which is the fun. But if you're having just a marathon of like more around the whole thing, the effect, I think is kind of less of the way. And this is George Lewis to do his favorite scene

if he gets to grab Tarantino, buy the face and shove him into the wall for like 20 minutes. It was hard to get his hands around. There was so small, apparently, He was like, he's like going to Mount Rushmore. He gets to do this while saying, What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with you? And that is something every Tarantino fan has wanted to do at some point in their life. I didn't kill that lady for you, Jan. That is one of the greatest Quentin Tarantino videos. And we like and we're just teasing it. Don't tell them about this show. I know he's up the road or whatever, yeah.

on trouble. But he's like, oh, you know what, once we get to a land without laws in L. Ray, everything's going to be cool, like, cucumber, my piece of shit, Brickus brother. Like, this is going to happen the second they get to L. Ray. And that's like, what, what is that, like a criminal changela? Yes. Like a pirate cove. From Jim Thompson's The Getaway, the famous Sam Peck and Paul movie.

It is worth, though, when we, we were about to meet Harvey Kite. tell in his two children. And, of course, the last name is Fuller. Get it? I was just waiting for references. Like, here, this is Anita Carpenter. And this is Dolly Peckin'paw. Dollar Siegel.

Did you say Dolly Peckinca? That's pretty cool. No, this isn't one of those movies, though. There are those movies, like, Final Destination does that, where they're all named after a director. Oh, yeah. He's kind of a... Some of the screen movie, the later screen movies, part of their sisters or whatever,

but this is not that world. There's other stupid shit that we can reference, and he's wearing a sand fuller hat, like certain people in the audience. I'm not looking at him to his account. Do you have an eye patch in the glove box in your car by any chance? It's hot as hell here. You gotta

wear it. You do. I guess. Because it's hot and you want to look cool as fuck. It's a cool hat. It's a cool hat. None of us has the guts to wear it. No, no, no, no. No, no. We can't pull a hat. We were from New York City, the bland of bad salsa. We can't wait back. We can't wait that for it.

Four years. Four years I have wanted to look exactly like Hannibal Ector at the end of Science Coral and walking away. And it just never worked, but this guy's got it. I don't got it. So we meet the Fuller Family Harvey Cuttel. Hell yeah. Happy birthday, Harvey Cuttele.

Oh, really? 85 the other day. Wow. I love that. Actually, I'm going to ask by applause. split the room. What do we feel about his accent? I'm into it. Yeah. All right, wait, wait, wait. Who's into it? Who's into it? Who thinks it totally sucks?

Okay, into it wins. Steams right. I think that accent's bouncing all over the place, like a tennis ball, a swimming car. It's fun, though, yes. It is fun. It is fun. It's just, it's, I don't know, I guess for me, it's weird hearing Harvey High Tell talk like that. You know who I'd like to is me, my son, and my daughter. I'm like, oh, that's just my daughter. That's my daughter in the pastime of this. I do, yeah, I mean, at the beginning of, you know, we find out this story. It's him, and Julia Lewis, this kid Ernest Liu, who did nothing else ever.

It is one of those, like, in the credits, it's like, and introducing and saying goodbye, you always, like, listen, if there's any aspiring actors out there, right? Like, you get your first thing, and they're, like, so cool. In the opening credits crawl for the movie, it's going to be like, and introducing, you, turn it down. It's a kiss of death. Rarely doesn't work out. We find out that their mother has just died,

and that's why he stopped being a preacher, which is exactly the setup of signs. So if you're a pre-because, because she dies in a car, we find out if she dies in a car accident is, like, left outside for a while and, like, really struggles before death. Again, exactly the movie sign.

So if that happens to you at a preacher, you are either coming up against aliens or vampires. Incredibly sued. I think you've got to be on the lookout for any and all paranormal. That's important. A Frankenstein farting around, werewolves maybe, fuck. You go mountain climbing, here comes this asswatch.

I fucking knew it because my wife died. And I gave up God three months ago. Well, that's an easy one. You just hit him in the face with a newspaper. Get out of here. Are you going to kill my family too and me? Can't go on vacation to the ocean. The fucking creature from the Black Lagoon is going to get me.

I'm a preacher with a dead wife. You always have lived for his daughter? His daughter? His daughter? My daughter. My daughter? It is always a little strange to see Harvey Keitel playing meek or, like, lower down. Because you got to remember, this is the guy who was in Eyes Wide Shut for a day, and Stanley Cooper was like, okay, I'm going to do a fifth take.

And he said, fuck you, I'm leaving. That's the move, man. You gotta shut that shit down. Nobody needs 40 takes for anything. Well, it's like, who else is going to turn down a fucking spot in a Kubrick movie? Only him. King.

Absolute King. Yeah. I just, I just, I just saw Last Temptation of Christ the first time. Oh, yeah. Him and that side show Bob hair, though, he's got that. Heavy. Like, he's great in it, but it's like, why is his hair dyed punk red in that film?

That's a good question. But what's worse, though? That dude or his long pimp hair and taxi driver? Oh, that's a good one. That's also a guiseal. Oh, yeah, that's a weird. Like, that character's up at 5 a.m.

straightening that shit with an iron every day. In that movie, he's talking like the Achich Marek Carnival Barker. Yeah, he kind of is. He certainly is. But, yeah, so they're going to spend the night in a motel because they would drive it all all week in this RV and they just wanted,

I just want a bed. A good old-fashioned bed. And he's kids. Kids are giving him shit for him. Yeah, thrilling him about, oh, did she say you want to get the mobile home out there on the road? I mean, oh, well, yeah, mom died. Okay, yeah, no, no, I'll rethink that. All right, yeah, mom is dad.

Well, maybe if they didn't give them so much shit, they'd, like, stay at Likinto or something, instead of a murder fucking hotel that they wind up at, and get what they deserve. I mean, they see, you know, Seth Gakow staring all mean at them. I would be like, yeah, we're leaving. He's drinking in the parking lot, walking past them, looks at them, like, steely-eyed, like Clint Eastwood's like, I'm like, yeah, we're good. Yep, no, let's just keep going.

We've been in this RV for six weeks or whatever it is. What's a few more miles? Look, son, daughter, I can't bump into that guy again. I can't do it. It'll be too awkward. Just walk right in front of it. I can't, you know what? We're going to the holiday.

That's just a justification, yes. Eat the $12 and leave. So they do, they all camp in, and they're relaxing. There's a big knock on the door. And it's like, hi, it's your neighbor from room 4, 4, 4, or whatever. I'm like, no, nice try the strangers. I'm not open to the door. Fuck you.

It's one of those classic cases of, do you know how you not get kidnapped? Why don't you use the pee-pull? You look through that little peephole, you see a motherfucker that looks like a hundred terrier, no stare at your back? Sex offender, the whole thing. Don't think so. Sorry.

This does seem like a motel, though, that wouldn't deal with that expense. That's what I'm thinking of, just full wood doors. Oh, sure. What I think you should do, of course, and this would take a little projection. But just get to the back of the hotel room and say, Sorry, I'm taking the shit. I can't come to the door right now. You very quietly, like, shush over to the other side of the room, so they don't hear the footsteps.

Like, oh, yeah, nope, in the can. Sorry. And then when they say, oh, wait, you know this. problem. Or you can be like, no, I'm watching pornography and jerking off, but the guy's like, not in Texas, kick the door open. That had the better be in a fucking VHS tape

or a printed magazine. But electronic pornography, get out of here. You liar. We are a public access, a public access pornography state, god damn it. Public ass, dude.

That was the whole fucking problem as they saw it. I like that. We need a public ass, you know, like a... Pardon me! Let's finish this.

There's some stuff that's not in front of people. These are nice people. No, yeah. So do you think, though, like when Ted Cruz is looking at all that porno on his Twitter tabs and whatnot, like, do we do the state

registry for that shit? Probably not. No, no. Give me a VPN. If he did, I want to see the listing. I want to see what he's watched. Yep, that's right. He's watching all the stuff that he purports to hate

because that's what they all do. All right, we're going to the VPN. All right, here we go. Where am I going to be? Well, you know what? It feels like we're in China, so I'll say I'm in China. Dude, if you're putting your VPN to China, that's a fucking lag time.

You can't be streaming VPN pornography that way. It's as far as you can go is Canada. So, Tarantino, well, me and my lady friend are having some ice, but you don't have an ice bucket? Can I borrow it? I'll bring it right back. That is another tell-tale sign, dude. You're in a Scuzzball motel like this. Don't trust anybody that's willing to use the ice from the ice machine. Well, I would like, do I have a fucking name tag? Dude, go downstairs. Yeah, oh, you see that thing? When you walked into the lobby, you thought that thing was a fucking mummy that had been rotting for centuries? it's actually the manager of the motel.

Also, that's who Harvey Kiteels you'd go up against. That's another ancient evil a mummy? Hell yeah, dude. Well, that's, I think, who owns the place, Motel, is a mummy

who was wakened up from his slumber. Oh, no, your mommy died, and now there's a mummy. Oh, yes. A mummy's after my son and daughter. Also, you open this door and these two, in this heat, they're wearing suits, not Wayland,

Jennings T-shirts? No, sir. Uh-uh. Get him out here. No, sir. Uh, yeah, George Clinton punches him. This is a punch. We get some more... We get, like, a rapid fire amount of slurs right here. Like, just one, two, three.

Hoof. Yeah. Yeah, because he, uh, he sees his old timer here sitting with his adopted son. Uh, and he's just making some very bad assumptions about that. Whoa. I do love, he doesn't look Japanese. He looks Chinese. It's like, a real good fuck you for a guy with a

gun in your face. But I think being from wherever he is, he's really tired of it. He's like, that's my pat-dancer, no matter what I, no matter what situation. He just does a quick, I'm sorry after that. Well, yeah, no, no, he's Chinese, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't need to, you know,

the gun, I know, I know. Well, let's think, we'll take the ice buck in the lead. But instead, Cluny's reaction is the same if you ever call out like a relative for saying something a little not great. Oh, well, excuse me! I guess I'm supposed to

to be perfect and not make the subject to know people's nationality party in me. Harvey Kitell with a gun to us that you know you can just say you're wrong it's okay it's okay to just say you're wrong occasionally. This scene is where I was

kind of getting suspicious of this accent a little bit though because he's trying to like maybe you know if we can just get him out of here they won't kid that but then he's like now you can just take the motor whole man and be on your way he's like My head is like, you dipped right in the swamp for no reason.

What was that about? Take two, Robert. Yeah, can someone could get out and push this accent out of that swamp? This accent is spinning its tires. This is a Cajun-style mobile home. Sometimes it's funny, put a little stank on it. Yeah, you have a buzz. It's fine.

It's a characteristency, whatever. Julia Lewis comes in in the bikini. We're having a bikini contest. You just want. That's another... What are you doing? She's using the pool at this place? Oh, thank you.

Well, that's the problem. She doesn't have time to take a shower, by God. You've just got fucking blood and dog piss or whatever else is in that pool. Human hair. Yeah. If you're lucky. It's covered in dog piss and hair.

What is this? My search is there? But not in Texas. Not in Texas. It's a squeaky. clean search history down here. It's still the same filthy search history, but all the results

are access to nine. St. Greg Abbott, access to deny. Oh man, this Canadian really has a hell of the taste here. But yeah, we've kidnapped. Now we're all in the mobile home. And it's great because George Clooney is on the run

from every law enforcement agent in the world. You know, Tarantino's in the back with the kids, with the gun. And Clooney is in this big window of this RV spreading out, I'm like, there's the criminal. In the same costume. Also, like, maybe you get a haircut,

maybe a fake mustache, some glasses. Ball cap. A ball cap. Ball cap works. Oh, we were looking for those two murderers, the only dudes in Texas wearing thick-ass heavy black suits. There they are. Oh, it's right there. Literally the only dude

is a state doing that right now. That's a Mets hat. That's a criminal right there. But yeah, we're really, you know, this would get a lot of cool exposition here and, you know, back and forth about Harvey Keitel, this loss of faith, essentially. Yeah, losing the wife, you get all that, you know, it's very touching, you know, get a little bit about the characters and flushes them out a little bit. Cut between that and Quentin Tarantino just staring at Juliet Lewis's feet. And the camera, let's make that shirt. The kid fucking foot is right there. It's almost like watching once upon time in Hollywood.

And then it's just like right there, man. Okay. I lost my faith in my father, my son, my holy ghost. You know, I, you know, can I at least get some, like, hand shots? Just so it doesn't look too weird. I just want something to mix it. Just give me the negatives, man. Shut the fuck up.

Okay, fine. You know why. No, no, no. I'm still looking at the dailies, man. All right? Why do you think I hired you, man? You know how to do this. You're the middle of the day.

If I do it everybody knows. But it's also this weird thing where we're in the back of the RV, and this is part two of Quentin Tarantino's character having this weird fantasy. At the motel, there's a weird thing where he imagines Juliette Lewis begging him for Conalinkas. And then, oh, that's eating pussy. That's doing that. Thank you for the translation.

I heard a... So you did not. I did, dude. I defted. Wait, what? We went from eating... What is this lat class? We went from eating little meaners to eating pussy.

There you go. You gotta do both, folks. You gotta do it. You gotta do it. Unless they're in the Jersey Mafia, they had problems. They did, yeah. Except for Uncle June, that guy was out right. Oh, yeah.

He used to the Sopranos. You can't let that out, though. You can't let that out. They'll get you. Every time, the guys at the cigar bar will just kill you. But yeah, it's weird that we get like a fantasy sequence in this movie From like the least important character also

But it shows how demented he is Oh yeah Well, because he's talking to her and he's like So that the thing you asked me about earlier You know, I've thought it over And if you want me to do it, I'll do it, I'll help you out What the fact? This is like, pardon me?

Yeah, you know, the thing you asked me about earlier Yeah, I thought it over, I'll do it for you I'll help you. I told you to watch those kids Not talk to them Yep, thank you. Right on time, Seth Kekko, right on the time. But Harvey Kytel, I was like, can we just do a quick swaparoo?

What if he's up here and you're back there? I mean, I'll have to talk to it, which will suck. But honestly, do you think they're going to notice George Clooney? Oh, yeah. The forehead McDermott's going to get in there. They're going to see him a mile away. You know, the helicopter suddenly shows on. Instantly five stars once he gets the first.

We've got him. John Saxton's back. Swarm! Swarm! Swore! Look, it's either the two guys that killed all them cops a few miles up the road, or it's the Frankenstein monster itself. Either way, pull that RV over. The satellite from space saw the forehead, kid.

No, it's just me, my son, and my Frankenstein. So... You're just going to a Frankenstein suit? Your brother's massive dome gave you a place. I should have put a babushka on on one of these hats. Also, you didn't clean up Gloria's body, and you just left it there.

Yeah, also true. Well, I mean, you're two hours from the border. I think they figure if we make good time, you know, we don't scram during rush hour or whatever. We don't have to worry about Gloria's body. Well, that's, I mean, I guess that's also probably part of the services. You know, you let the escorts and you let the drug dealers in,

but you also clean up bodies. That's how you get repeat business. Yeah, come to John McGillie County's Roadside Modell. If you kill him here, we won't tell nobody. Yeah, I'm a mummy and I'll eat them. Do mummies eat people? I don't think so.

I don't believe so. We finally bought a toilet paper to feel not alone. We finally bought a new bone saw. Come down to Dane's Motel. So now finally, we're across the border. Seth and Rich here are with Juliet and Lewis in the bathroom, both to intimidate. You know, hey, any funny business will kill your daughter, kind of a deal. Sure.

Which he's being a moron because he's screaming in the fucking toilet. Yes, yeah, yeah. Well, it's like a bad good fellas, right? Like, it's a, like, you think I'm funny kind of thing? Yeah.

Did you say I'm unhinged? You think I'm a fucking nut? Oh, fucking bad, yeah. Where I come from being called the fight, your brothers. You come from the same fucking place. Yeah.

In Pittsburgh, that's what that means. Like, while we're having a Scott and Harvey Kirtel are having a conversation about, who's running the show? I'm running the show. I'm running the show. It's kind of a weird. There's no show. Yeah, there's no show. You're going to run shit, preacher man. Come on. But here comes Cheech Barron for the first time. Roll one of three. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah. Love it. Hell yeah, Cheeveran. It's great. Zero complaints. This is his nutty professor, the Columbus. Very similar to Meg Ryan in Joe versus Volcano. Oh, nice. Actually, now you say he was clumping out there, dude, cheech mare in one of them. He has three characters. Let's mix it up a little bit. That's. Fat suit?

Yes. Hell yeah. Give me a big fat cheech. But we got moustachio cheech, we got short cheech, we got fat cheech. Apple Cheech. Smelly Cheech. A horse cheech. Chicken Cheech.

Dog Cheech. Hell yeah. And you can buy the cheech for cheaper. Fuck it. What? love about that is that of course you find a cheech for cheaper because cheech maron is top show absolutely not to get too ahead of ourselves but what i'd love about that sequence is he's carnival barking like he's like there's foot traffic outside like people are walking around

it's very specifically at the end of an old dark road yes it's not like there's a fucking red robin next to it or something oh you're walking up to the neben marcus know, black, why? When he gets to the animals, I just want, like, a couple of dudes in business, well, that's not for us. This is, uh, uh, I was in, I was into this until you said that this might be chicken pussy inside there.

Wait, where does that happen? Because it does seem like it's a bordello at first. But you say that it's a bordello of blood? I would. Because this was supposed to be a bordello of blood. This was supposed to be the second of the tales from the

crypt movies after Demon Night. And they just were like, you know what? No, we're waiting for Dennis Miller. We're waiting out. We're going to do it. We want to hold that for Dennis, but we understand he's taking all sorts of acting classes right now. And we're sure they'll all pay off,

but it's just not going to be for this movie. Hey, boss, they wanted to pitch me a George Clooney movie. I was like, get fuck. We're waiting for Dennis Miller. Good job. Here's a promotion. I'm David Zaslob. You know, who's a big story?

that Angie Everhide. Let's get her out there. Don't you love Jane? No, I don't. No, nobody does. But, yeah, so Chief Merrick comes up and he's like, you know, what's her business is Mexico? This is when, you know, obviously Derek's favorite line. He's like, who, there's, they basically,

George Clooney knocks out Tarantino because he's being an asshole and he wants to be quiet. And it makes a commotion. And the Chief Merritt was like, what was that? Well, it's me, my son, and my daughter. My daughter's back, she's taking a shit in the bathroom. Well, because he bips it, right? At the start of it, he's like, she says who's in the vehicle,

just me and my son. No mention of my daughter. What was that commotion? Me and my son and my daughter. Cool, pull over to the side of the road. We're taking your car apart. He's spikies. Oh, dude.

This is the Border Patrol, and we're looking for someone. It's going to look like a pile of Legos on the fucking glass. Every little screw, it's coming out. You didn't know this thing's loaded with coke. Officer, officer, I didn't want to say this because, you know, I'm a proud of man. My daughter is a very loud pisser. Those clanks you heard back there, that's just the normal piss. Officer, here's the deal.

We stuck at a roadside diner before we got here, and, well, she had the Pigs in a Blanket before that. She's a very shy shitter, so I didn't want to give up the ghost, that she's in the back thinking a messy shit in our argument. It was Pigs and a Blanket and just two gallons of ice water. But we find out that Cheech Barron is so horny looking at a half-daked. Juliet Lewis, he forgets to do his fucking job. Yeah, man, nothing sexier than walking in on a lady in the can. Okay.

Well, what's the border pole? All right, miss, get out, go, three seconds. You know what I mean? And then you look inside the fucking thing. Sure, because she might be sitting on all the coat. Exactly. Terrible Border Patrol officer. He let his kink get in the way in this one, I think.

That's, yeah, because he is doing, it's, if it were a cartoon, like speaking of Yosemite Sam or whatever it would be a real like he's getting all the ankles he's moving his head around a little bit because it's so grim and it's such a weird of such a loaded topic

is there any way to make a like a 1980s boob comedy about Border Patrol a la police academy or probably not I think that's nice I think it's really bad yeah Ice Academy dude it's like police academy

but now with zero last It's like police academy, but cruel. Yes, exactly. Because police academy, you're looking at your fellow recruit smokers, you're arranging your commanding officer to get a blow job during your presentation. Absolutely. That's a great ending with that movie, by the way.

But then with the Border Patrol, it's just like, it's creepy. It's like, I'm looking, I'm looking. You're tearing apart family. It's not fantastic. You get a Paul Schrader's Ice Academy. Yeah, that's a comedy. But they get across.

the border, which is fantastic. Clooney kind of has one of the best lines here when he's like super excited about it and he's like what does he say? He's like, grabs Ernest like by the face like, we're in Mexico your little piece of fucking shit. And I'm like, yeah,

yeah, this kid sucks. He is a little piece of fucking he is. Also, if I had just skirted that whole deal, I would also be like dancing in here. Oh yeah. Let's get all the drugs in in here. I can kill God in my life. Let's remember, George Clooney, he knew how to spot a disgusting shit boy.

Yeah, that's true. He knows what's out. He's got no respect for this disgusting shit boy. You're right? I learned it from George Clooney. Oh, me, my little piece of shit, my daughter. Let's start a step up. No, it's just me.

My disgusting shit boy. Oh, that's my daughter. So they get to Mexico. Tini Twister. We get the pussy bottle. The Missy Bonalong, the Great Pussy Bottle Law. You know, it's advertising, I must say, because, A, there's no more delo in this thing,

unless you go down to the tombs. You're bringing a tape down to the tombs. I just ignore the Bats. It's fine. Don't worry about any of that. But, like, also, they all have, like, things covering. Like, clearly, like, I know you're not going to get the rating, but, like, literally there's no pussy in this movie. That's true.

They have bottoms on. Like, cut to 1996, Chris Cabin's returning to... Take the blockbuster. You know, this is fucking bullshit, right? You know, I wrecked Hellraiser. I see some Hellrains. I'm going to tell you that. Well, the movie ain't called Titty Twister.

Should have been. Oh, that's true. I do want the one biker who said, complaining the day, like, where is the chicken pussy? I just, I just, I... The guy on the outside was in his chicken pussy. Have the eggs hatched yet?

I mean, come on. I ordered some chicken pussy for the table. It's outside of horse pussy, too. three orders you'd have to be like no one's ever asked me it's eye's selling point also I as a vampire I'm offended by that

like that's weird even for me it's one thing to suck their blood fucking uh huh you get a great moment of Danny Trejo saying like this is a biker and trucker bar dude this is like rewatching this movie man it's a time this is like a baby face Danny Trejo

He's only 58 when they made this movie. I know. He's a real spring chicken. He's looking great. Yeah, he's not thick like he's in the check. No, yeah. Well, I don't care for it because, like, Danny Trejo now, like, knows what's up

with Danny Trejo's hair. It's, like, a long, glorious hair. It looks bad fucking nuts. This movie, it's the most sensible haircut he's ever had. Real nerdling or shit, man, I can't stand. Why, I was in the 90s? He was like, actually, but you're right, though. I think he's very self-aware about everything now.

You know what I mean? businesses and all that stuff. In the 90s, he was trying to act. And I think that, like, you know, here, Desperado, heat, obviously. Heat's heat scene is like, that heat scene is tough. What's the haircut situation, heat?

It's pretty short. It's not flowing. It's not flowing. It's right. Yeah, yeah. It's only the year before. Yeah. He's still growing it out. I think he did that at least through,

because his first movie, I think, was runaway train, great movie. Eric Roberts. Yes, Eric Roberts is. He's one of these. Don't Fred, Danny Trejo. Wow, that's Danny Trao's first movie? I thought it would be like Buster Keaton's the general.

This guy's got 7,000 IMPD credits. He's just picking up train tracks and moving them over a little bit. I was there when the train fell off the bridge, man. It was pretty fucking cool. Now, maybe Dane Train hopes out of is a vampire.

I met that Griffith, that DW Griffith. I didn't like him from the beginning. No, I don't care how good he is. I never liked him. I knew something that was up with that guy. I do like the Seth Getco's like biggest problem is he's He's, like, never got out of high school, so if, like, a dude touched him in a bar,

he's got to get in a fight about it. Absolutely. Like, dude, you are on the run from the fucking cops. You know, like, chill out. I mean, that's the scene right about where they see. Do it, dude, do it. Harvey Kytel is just like, you've won, Seth. You beat the FBI.

You beat the Rangers. You know, you've got me here. You have, you're somehow, your rapist brother is still alive. I don't know how. But you won, you won, and, like, he finally shuts up about it for a little bit, which is nice. You have to kind of think, right? If he just, like, played it cool and just had his whiskey and they waited for the third Cheech-Marin character to show up at the end, it would have been fine, right?

Like, all the, like, vampires sort of, like, got together once they walked in and had a little bit of a huddle. Like, all right, it's kind of a family, and, like, that boy's kind of young, that would be wrong, right? And if I overheard him in the parking lot, like, the wife's dead. Don't do it to them. Oh, he's being an ass who's kicking the shit out of the doorman. Fuck these people, eat them. Yeah, I guess I'm eating veal tonight. But that's a question about the titty twister.

This can't be in every night scenario, right? You have to have, like, nights where you feed and other nights where, like, because you want some... Pariyoky night. Yeah, well, you want nights where, like, somebody's like, you know where I led, the titty twister? I'm going to bring my friends next time. Exactly.

We played trivia. It was awfully all questions about pussy, but it was still thought. As opposed to everyone who's ever been like, I want to check out that titty twister. Twister has never been seen again. Yeah, exactly. Monday nights is industry night at the Titty Twister. Other vampires, ghouls,

werewolves, come on that, it's a monster club. That's the thing, right? It's like there's a night it's, oh yeah, the Titty Twister, it's a cool bar, but it's always closed on Mondays. Maybe they're restocking the kitchen. No, that's Monster Party Night. Secret, sexy, monster party. Okay, first question for Trivia Night. Five points.

Who starred in Nosferatu? Second question, ten point. Who directed Brand Stoker's Dracula? Well, I started Nosphorote. Now the bartending staff can't play. It's, yeah, but, you know, sure enough, we're having some drinks, and, you know, we get to see the great cast of characters.

Tom Savini is here for a second. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Now, he has a penis gun. Yes. And I wonder, how does he operate, I was saying maybe his dick's like a finger. Like, you can contort it to pull the trigger.

How is he doing it? It's just, let's chalk it up to the magic in the movie. I would imagine he has some, like, hip thrust thing because it never is a thrust when it happens. And then it comes out, but how do you pull that trigger? Do you, like, you have to worm your worms? Yes, I think so. I would imagine there's, like, some sort of maybe a wrist panel

when I'm tapping or something. Oh, like, Spider-Man. Yeah, exactly. That was Peter Parker invented instead of the web shooters. Hey, hey, look at my cool dick gun. It shoots white webs. Uncle Ben... Mr. Stark, can I borrow the dick gun?

Uncle Ben would not approve of this. He's not on a sidewalk because I'm a dick gun. Yeah, that dick gun is not my problem. Pay me wrestling promoter or whatever happened. And, uh, yeah, uh, we also see, uh, what's his name there, uh, Fred Thompson? Not Fred Thompson, not Fred Thompson, no, Fred Dalton Thompson, and fucking, from Dust till Dawn, yeah, I'll take it. As long as he's eaten horribly. Yeah, quickly. Yeah, no, uh, Blacksploitation legend, Fred Williams.

Yeah, yes, yes, yes, yes. Trent Williamson, known for at least two movies that I cannot name here. Yeah, no, no, no, no. You go to that dude's I-em-me-page, there's a couple of things. Most people in this room can't read. Also in the original enlorious bastards, of course. But yeah, this dude, it's one of those weird, like, he's not

called anything in this movie, and then IMDB is like, hey, it's Frost. Okay. Fine. How? How do you know that? Who's got to go interview Nixon next? Oh, dude, yes. That's what I want. I don't even know. He's, like, playing with dominoes or something.

Like, you're a bar that is filled with naked women and, like, scus, just get out. Like, I don't know, it goes somewhere else. He looks annoyed any time the dominoes get not going to hide the strippers. What I think is Carlos probably, at the end, sheeshmerer comes back as Carlos, the guy they're meeting. And I would imagine the first thing Carlos was like, okay, said,

why don't you mean us at there's a pizza hut about 10 miles from the border? No, that's a pizza hut, really, man? Can I get drinks at a pizza? No, no, no. Give me the vampire bar. Give me there. Well, do you other go to the pepperoni twister or

Titty twister? It's an independent joint. I think back in the day you could get beers at Pizza Hut but really? It was a better America back then. We got a return, right? You go, right? Like you win the fucking Little League tournament, you go out for

pizza, and at least like four players' dads were just getting them huge red cups filled with Miller lights. The fucking slosh. And then they're driving you home. drinking a pitcher. That's what America meant something. And rip it through a pack of camels

the entire time, an entire pack of cigarettes in the 10-minute drive-old. And then you sleep over at your friend's house after the game and his dad's yelling edge, and you're like, wow, you sound like George Clooney and from Dustal Dog. And then he hears that and he grabs you. Because back in the day, if there's a kid,

you outrank him, you grab it to him. You can't do that now. They won't let us. Much like George Clooney. You see a kid. You see a kid walking down the street, you're like, that shirt's like, crap. You used to be able to do that. All right, Joshie. Yeah, stop jackassing with your friends back there and get me another camel wide.

Will you? But here comes Salma Hayek, a Cetonic Pendemoneo. Oh, yeah. Yep. And this is where the VHS tracking goes crazy. Dude, yeah. Crazy. The DVD's skipping like crazy.

There's some scratches. The fence and strokes. I'm surprised the negative doesn't just scratch. I'm surprised we were able to watch this movie in Texas. It is very important to point out that who's doing the announcement here? I think it's Danny Treggis. He does say, and fucking Richie Gecko is ready for the task,

get ready to worship specifically at the feet. I'm satanic a pandemonia. You dogs. He also really really. quickly before when she dies, he goes to Scott and he's like, hey kid, any time to what lap pants, just let me know. It's like, ew. You know, like, that's just a few.

No, no, not with that. I'm going to be doing it. Okay, man, I'm going to be straddling you, okay, man? Is this doing for you, kid? Now, if there's any feet, though, it's mine. Don't you go near the tuxies? So, yeah, I mean, this is like the scene most 15-year-olds rebound at the time. Apparently, Salmahag was

terrified of snakes and basically like Rob Rodriguez like well you're going to have to go to therapy and figure that shit out. She didn't she like had like a team of therapist worker through fear of snakes just just for the sea. Seems to me yeah like you could just not have her

whole thing. Probably yeah I mean nobody remembers the fucking snake anyway totally her hair could be on fire like nobody's noticing it and she turns into a snake in a few seconds anyway. Yeah totally there's your snake right there just removing fucking multiple therapy sessions.

She's the first one to transform into a vampire and it's like this reptilian thing and I would be, it's fucking aliens. Yes, yes. Fucking aliens, ancient aliens. Do you think, wait a second, because of all these sessions she had to do and whatnot, do you think, like, originally

the son was played by like Edward Furlong or something? And it was like, well, we got to pay for Salma's therapy so. That kid we saw her back at the game. gas station will do for the sun. You got to cut bunch of it somewhere. We got to rent the big snake. We got to pay for the therapy.

No any furlong. I'm sorry. You're cutting moi from the movie. I think they're vampires, Terminator. Don't you know what Guns and Roses is? I do love the, yeah, so like obviously she does this great dance. Tarantino's mouth is all

over that foot. And then at the end of it, the Cheech Merritt and the rest of the bouncers come back because they were assholes on the way in and that shit follows you around. Of course it does. You can't just physically assaults and grab them. Without it becoming a problem

in a minute or two. But how rare is it that this man just yelling about pussy doesn't get hit once in a while? Yeah, that's right. I just don't understand that. You are completely correct, Chris. It is not the first time. I almost said or the last time, but it definitely is because he fucking dies in minutes.

It's not the first time. that dude has been punched in the face outside a bar called the titty twister which only caters to, we're told, bikers and truckers. There are fathers coming to this place and once you start talking about chicken pussy, I gotta tell you, I don't think anybody's going to be too much

standing. That's half and halves. Half the fathers are like, what? I mean, really? Ever been there before? I am south of the border. Let me try all the barnyard ones. Come on.

Here's, you know, here's $200. give me the works. Give it all of it. Give it all of it. But it's a cool moment where I believe Cheech Bairn puts a knife through his hand, the bloody hand already, which would be coming off in minutes anyway, and Sama Hay can't handle the bloodlust, it turns into

a weird lizard vampire. The casts of vampires are a bit confusing in this film. Yeah, it's a real smorgasbord of vampires, dude. You got lizard people. You got vampires that look like the vampires from Buffy which are kind of sort of a little bit of lizard people, but they're the monster is in their own way.

They're more like Klingonish. They should have like head ridges for no reason. Yeah, exactly. There's a mutant rat that looks like a refugee from the witches. When that happens, I'm sorry. All the other vampires have to be like, what? Like, that's never happened before

the history of vampire done like, we could do what? Well, they never took our heads off before. I guess, you know, they usually do the steak. Gary, get out of the bathroom. You've got to see this. Look what happened. A sex machine. Wait, can I turn into a rat? Quick, let's rip each other's heads over the same ladder so you turn to be in rats.

All right. Go ahead. Rat push you to the venue. Dude, this thing looks like it should be uniting the Ninja Turtles, this big fucking dad. It really is good. Turtle pussy. Why not? Tredder, you need more pussy. Pussy from Dimension X. Oh, that is some strange.

With that turtle, pussy. Crank pussy, buck your hair, pussy. Beam off and Rocksteady pussy. Rat King Pussy. Ace Duck, pussy. Toka and Razar pussy. Wingnut pussy. Baxter Stockman, pussy.

The alligator guy, pussy. Leatherhead, pussy. Yes. We're all very thankful that the new movie came out so we remembered them all now. We're all very thankful that we're also all already happily married. And over 40 years old, if you can believe it. Shaky. But yeah, so this is, the big, I mean, this is, it's a really cool turn.

You know what I mean? Like, obviously the trailer shows it, you know what I mean, lets you know that you're going to watch a movie with vampires in it. But it's still exciting to watch all these people. The whole dinner is served. The action, the chaos, it's fun to watch. There's one dude that gets his throat slashed by someone's like fingernail or something.

This dude, you just catch this guy's, he looks exactly like basketball legend Larry Bird. Yep. No, the wolf's getting cut. I'm parted, pussy. I'm turning in the goal. But I love what, but the problem

is also like, so they're always only fighting truckers. bikers who are, you know, you know, just generically tough dudes. They get taken, these vampires get taken down really easily. You know what I mean? Like, they should move on to, like, bankers and like, I don't know

what. Well, I imagine that, like, yeah, this might actually be, like, Cheech Maron's third day on the job. Like, before, Edward James Almost is doing the pussy fucking thing before. I feel like he's way less of a showman if Edward

James Almost is working that toy. like, yeah, there's pussy in here. Come in or not, I don't give a shit. You got chicken pussy. You got horse pussy. I'm still doing this, Robert. Is this still happening? Listen, I'm just going to say, we've got a lot of pussy in here.

And you want to get in here, you piece of shit, you come inside. I don't care either way. There's a menu on the inside. You can read about all the pussy there. I'm not saying that. Fucking embarrassed. What I do you should do is like, you know what restaurants post the menu outside? Yeah.

Oh, this is, okay, this is the kinds of pussy. Oh, wait, right now, dear, do we want this kind of pussy? Should we go on to the next pussy place? Some old guys put this fucking light on to look at it. Yeah. The iPhone flashlight comes out, like, no, horse pussy gives me this indestion. No, yeah, I just want that. I don't want the full meal, by the way.

Just the horse pussy alone. Can they turn that huge flashlight off? You're blinding me while I try to eat apple pie pussy on. over here? Yeah, no super salad with that pussy, thank you. Oh, damn. Oh, great, now because of COVID, it's a fucking QR code. Awesome.

Scan this code to see all the great pussy we have with the titty twister. Thanks, COVID. Is this an updating menu? Oh, no, sorry. We're actually out of horse pussy tonight. Son of a... That's why I came here. Wow, prefix pussy.

Oh. I don't know why that sounded the word. I don't know why that sounded the worst when it did. But I, Chief Mert, if he's doing his job, like, Fred Williamson comes into the fucking brick shithouse. I'm like, no, this isn't for you, sir. Because you know he's going to be body-slambered ladies

into fucking into states later. You know it. Well, yeah, I don't understand the truckers thing necessarily because they're usually big guys, you know, stereotypically, but they are out there. Wouldn't you just want, like, a horde of Jesse Eisenbergs? Yes. Just the weak as possible.

Come on in NYU students! 30% off if you're a graduate who's going to have no problem getting a job in three months. But I think you're actually, to your point about, you know, you can't be eliminating every party that comes in because you want those college boys to be like, hey man, I thought this might be a pretty cool place for my brother's bachelor party.

We came out to check out the titty twister. And then it's like, oh, bachelor party. Now you got there. Oh, all right, so we don't eat this one nerd now. And in three months, he comes back with a whole sea of loser. It's sheer a sheep, dude, sheer a sheep. It's very easy. All you have to do is, you know, keep it together for one night

and get New York Times there to do a new tourist spot is the titty twister right on the border. Then it would just be flooded every night. You want to make it so that, like, your rep is so great that when people check into a hotel and it's like that hotel channel, it's like things to do, Austin. The titty twister. Magnificent chicken wings. If you are looking for a riding

pig's head in a case, come to the titty twister. A quick question. Was anyone else sexually confused by Tom Samedi in this movie? He takes that jacket off and I'm like, whoa, hello, Mr. Legend. He looks great. He's an amazing man.

He's like, wow, you make fake gore for a living. You don't need arms like that, but I'll take it. He does a great thing He kills Daddy Trejo Which is really fun with the whip And then he puts the pool cue through him Yeah he also shoots his cock at him He does

Now Juliette Lewis around here Is like having some hesitation About like staking a vampire Right And it's like sometimes in movies like this When the characters back is up against the wall It's like no problem boom Steak Town

How quickly Let's say the four of us Found ourselves in a situation Where it's like Uh oh this whole crowd I'm dead already. Before, I think, I'm just dead. Like, it's just, the first vampire gets beat.

Vampire, then you find out vampires exist. Each heart attack comes right after. This is why I've already thought about this, and this app, I'm pushing Steve out of that. That's the move. That's the pro move. So for the three of us heroes who stay alive. Sure.

Yes? I'm curious. Like, would you be able to adapt, like, okay, I'm going to, like, stake my friend right now? So, let's say, so Steve turns into the vampire, right? Clearly the first to go. Yeah, okay. Would you be able to ram a steak

to me sorry? Zero hesitation. I drove with him last night all night from Houston. Yeah, I want to kill us. It's fair. I want to kill you. I want to kill you.

I want to kill me. I'm not doing stakes, though. I'm going to go the Julianne Lewis way and just put crosses in all their mouths and watch them melt. She's got to be surprised that works when that happens. Yes, yes.

Because she puts it in Cheech Marion's mouth and it's a really cool effect. I mean, again, like, the core effects is to be great with Catero. Robert Kurtz would do a great job. Aren't they supposed to just start on fire? They do that? Okay.

No, yeah, his face melts and his eyes pop out, the whole thing. He was, wow, that actually worked. It's a real evil dead shape, and that's why I do appreciate that we're, like, mixing it up as to what happens when these vampires are killed. It adds a lot more spices to the mix. It would be kind of boring if it's just, like, another steak, another steak, another steak. And we're also very openly referencing the fact that we all know.

movie vampire stuff and books vampire stuff and that's what we're getting our knowledge from so it's boring if you don't just like I understand the rat honestly I get it the rules beer into zombie nature because you just get bit at all

you become a vampire and then the timing is always different depending on narrative convenience when I was a sexy ritual right you know you get like a little bit on the neck and the vampire opens their wrist and it's a little bit of a little sock like you know what Eric

nobody believes in romance anymore. That's what I'm saying. It's true. It's a real bummer. You got to seduce. Yeah, if you're Dracula, you should be seducing. Be nice to that horse or chicken first, okay? Bring some flowers, okay? Bring some of flowers, okay? Bring some little dim. Yeah, bring some hay or whatever.

Saute hay. They love it. There is a, it's a trailer live, but it's also like just such a boomer dad line when Salma Hay does the whole thing about like, you, you, George Clooney are now going to be my slave, you're going to be my dog, and eat the shit from my toes. You will lick the dog. Dorn shit from my shoes That sounds nice, actually I could do that.

Well, this is quit guaranteed of tap-d-tac-tac-tick-turg off the other. Type-d-d-d-tack-duner-gurga. And it's a bottle of all over this, and he's like, no thanks, I already had a wife. It's like a Lockhorns comic script for five seconds. It works with Al Bundy during the day. Yes.

Would you believe that was a Clooney improv? I do. Yeah. Wow. All right. It's all it was. Good for you know. I was watching Mary.

with children the other night. It's fantastic children. I got this one for us. Can I call her peg? So Richie

gets bit at one point here and so QT turns into a vampire and when he turns into a vampire we kind of talked about it already

but he just turns into Oliver Stone. Yes. He looks exactly like Oliver Stone. The forehead he's somehow bald all of a sudden.

Yeah. It's just worked. I don't know why but you look Like, look, look up, Quentin Tarantino, vampire from Dust Till Dawn, boom, fucking picture of Oliver Stone right there. Yeah, you reverse image search that, you're getting Oliver Stone. It's like, did you mean Oliver Stone?

Is he the director of Wall Street? Here he is. It's half Oliver Stone and half the main character from the MTV series of the head. Right. But they, clune at first is like, no, don't kill my brother. And then it's like, oh, he's a fucking vampire, of course. you want it to do it you know you've wanted to do it for a while you came back and saw glory and you're like you know what this once we get over the border i am finding a very fun way to

kill my brother yeah of course i think that's what it is right because like one of them is about to do it i don't know with juliet louis or sex machine someone's about to kill me it's a sex sex machine yeah like you're not going to do that to my brother and it's played as like because i love him and whatever it's like no because i've been waiting to do this for 40 years look hold on i got to fix my erection first. Okay. Kidding you, Rich. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I just, you know what? I should have done more. It's so ironic, Richie. Usually you get the erection when you kill people. I finally see where you're coming from. It's kind of nice. Wow, Richie was right. I see it all

from both sides now. Sex machine gets bit and a very zombie movie hides the movement. It's so funny. when he's hiding in stuff. And, uh, Fred Blamson's telling this great Vietnam story.

That is the best thrall about the kid looking back like, good story, right? Hey, your Vietnam store? Listen to this shit. A grenade blow up right near your face. I'm sitting down.

Here we go. You got popcorn? Yeah, it's great comedy. Like, he's got the verse he notices the vampire teeth. He's like, oh, no. And then, like, you get some vampire hand. It is such a showcase

for the comedic sensibilities of Thompson. Yeah, he's reacted a ton. You know, he's got kind of a role in Romero's Martin. Like, it's a speaking role, but, you know, there's no funny to it. This dude is fucking hysterical. Like, facially, like, and there's facial reactions when he's like a, you know, you know, fingering up and he feels the, he feels the fan coming there.

He's like, oh, oh, oh, it's fucking beautiful, man. The guy's a legendary. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, right, look at that. Eric's got, ladies and gentlemen. You can always count on a really solid point. Hortmanteau, my friends. But he then goes to bite

Fred Williamson or Frost to nobody. The internet told me, man, the internet's never had a lie on it. He gets chuffed through a window just kind of great. Oh, actually, he's actually bites Harvey Kiteau first. Right, right. And Williamson.

He instantly turns, and when he turns into a vampire, he gets rid of his mustache? What's that about? That, you know, because it's like because he's got like Klingon face. That's why, well actually No, Wharf did have a mustache. What the fuck happened to that mustache? I don't know. I was about

to try to justify it, but no, that's just a mistake. I guess Dracula's like Steinbrenner, like shave that shit. And also, we're now hearing the bats outside and Fred Williamson throws a body through the door and here's all my

friends! Here's my friend! And this is the straight up, like this is why I mean those people that were surprised about the turn in this movie clearly weren't watching that trailer, because that's like one of the biggest parts of the trailer is the close-up on the front, and then a bunch of bats flying through.

How was it a surprise to any of those people? Wait, are you telling me, what, Stephen Skull's family dies? No, this is disgusting. How is that a transition? That's a totally different movie. I do, there's going to my favorite part, which is, uh, Clooney talking to the group and about how they have a preacher with them,

and either faithless preacher or a mean motherfucking servant of God. I love Harvey Kytel doing, I'm a mean mhm, mm,

a servant of God. That is a good one. It's a great delivery. It's adorable. And it makes for some good subtitle fun because it just says I'm a mean mumbles.

And I just, I'm a mean mumbles. I like that. It's cute. But I mean, that is true, though. Like, in any of these scenarios, if you come across a vampire,

Catholic Church is right? I don't know. Like, what am I doing wrong here? Yeah, maybe we should call Papa in Italy and see what he says about all this. But yeah, I mean, so much of the last few minutes of this movie is just a beautiful vampire fight. We find... I do like

the notion of the back room, and it's like, we're definitely just keeping all the shit from, like, the truckers and everything. I love that the Super Sunkers and stuff. Yes, yeah. This is classic overthinking on George Clooney's part, though. He finds a cool machine that can do, like, motorized, you know, staking to all things. That, you can't move with that thing.

No. You need to be able to turn and turn and turn. This is not working out. The vampires work on brusely rules one at a time. Yes. One and a time. They totally do. There's like thousands of them.

Because they're respectful of the art of the fight. Yes, of right? You don't get him up. You don't shoot someone behind the back. Don't try to eat someone's neck. He's behind the back. Well, actually, you have to. Hmm.

Uh, yeah, Juliette Lewis finds a crossbow and is exceptionally good at it. Yes. I got to tell you, though, you look at this crossbow, it's a thing where it's like, it holds like multiple arrows at once, but like total tops, there's eight of them. Yeah.

She's got the fucking infinite ammo code on for this game. She's blasting these things, because all you need to fix that is one shot of her pulling an arrow out of the pile of coop and reloading it. But she's a poo, pooh, poo, pooh, Scott's got the good move

with the Holy Water with the Super Soaker. You know, you want a couple of those. It's the silliest of the budge, but it seems to be the most effective. But he hesitates too long to kill his father. Classic mistake. Yeah, happens every time. We don't know. Maybe the Menendez brothers saw their father

time. Oh my God, Lyle. Our parents are creatures of the night. Let's get them. And then they're prosecuted for it. Well, that's what happened to Juliette Lewis when she goes back to Texas over the point. Oh, yeah. What did happen to your father and brother? She's going to go to a

different stick. Yeah, exactly. No, that is a reset on life. Yeah, it's just like, let's take two on my existence. Is that or the electric chair? Well, yeah. I think you go back to, because everybody back home knows them as the religious family, so I imagine they're like,

you know what? Burner at the steak. There ain't no vampires. They can't be no vampires. So this is Joe to She's a witch. It's how it goes. Yeah, Thomas Vini turns into an enormous rat, obviously. And you just think they're like, yeah, I've seen that before. Boring.

Have you ever been to New York City, man? Yeah, there's a lot of, there's a lot of... I guess these are all like... These are the vampires that, like, just have shunned humanity, so they're walking around naked kind of an idea. There's one... A newest cult, maybe. Yeah.

Like, remember the big. dog thing and Ninja Turtles too. Yeah. There's one vampire that looks like that if you shaved it. Yeah. So it's just like those hairless cats but it's a huge person. Nourty shit. Well I guess that's what you can do with your time off.

Make little, you know, outfits for the bats for when they turn into the humans. Sure. Just so they can have some tops and some bottoms, you know. Wait, so you make a little outfit for the bat and then it turns into a vampire, does the clothing expand? You would have to get some elastic. It would definitely have to. Definitely at least three

percent spandex. Yeah, absolutely. Under Armour would be under that shit in two seconds. Are you getting made vampire wear

exclusively from Under Armour? We hijacked a Lulu lemon truck. Oh, yes, totally. Just spandex everywhere? Oh, man. Hell yeah. All these pants' asses

look great. God damn. I do love when they're, like, getting ready for the biggest salt here, and Harvey Taitel, who has been been, and he understands he can turn it any second, he's like,

all right, now kids, if I turn it, this epic battle we're about to have, you have to promise to kill me. And they're like, I don't know. And he turns, is this real drama queen thing? Is it, I swear to God, if you don't promise to kill me, I'll just kill myself right now.

I will kill myself right now. I'll kill myself. Welcome to every Christmas at the state that guy. It's like, yeah, Mom, you're going to kill your love. All right, all right. There it comes. Stephen, if you don't eat this hand that's Conan and Pepsi, I will actually kill myself.

Pepsi Pussy Dude, yeah, that's This fucking state loves its Pepsi Pussy, man Not a Coca-Cola to be found I can't believe it Inundated, it's wild Just everywhere, just inundated with Pepsi around here

No thanks But then, yeah, Scott Fuller becomes a meal For four vampires at once Oh, dude, it's so funny It's the best act that he ever does And it's supposed to be Like kind of tragic and sad but it is the funniest part of her.

Kill me, kill me. Kill me. Please kill me. Ha! Ha! And then she shoots, not the vampires around her brother, shoots her brother in the head, and somehow that brother blows up. I love it.

Okay, it's a real, like, when in doubt, blow it up. Back in a movie. Which is why it's awesome. Yes. She blows her brother. Oh, up, up. Oh. Oh.

Dude, that's why you got to learn to use your breath when you're talking to the microphone. phone and you'd run out of an airline. You're getting late in the night. So most of the vampires are dead. Harvey Kitellel. I do like the Harvey Kitell. He's about to kill a bunch of vampires and, like,

his back is into the camera and he clearly turns into a vampire. And all these vampires that are about to kill him are like, oh, and fuck it. And turn around and walk away from him? The game showed his PBA card to the cops. They're like, okay, cool, you're good. One of us, one of us. Leave him. Let him cook. Let him cook.

He's gonna turn into a vampire soon. He's a little more Lord of the Rings than I like. He's a goblinesque. Christopher Lee should be hiring this guy to chop down a bunch of trees and trees. Yes. I would expect a wand at some point.

I just have to go to Eisengard. I don't know why. But yeah, so then he's dead. Scott's dead. It's just George Clooney and Juliette Lewis back to back. Very cool thing. Where all the little rays of sunshine

are coming in. Very strange. Shoot were holes. What always bug me about Bucking the Vampire Slayer was like you just needed as a vampire an umbrella and you were fucking fine. Totally. This movie

which is the way I prefer it, any ray of sunlight hits you you explode immediately. That's the move. That's the move. Or it's like touching a like a burner. Yes. Those rules that they set up about that I always hated. Did you ever watch Angel Steve? A little bit, yeah.

Any angel fans out there? Okay. You should be ashamed. Shut the fuck, shut the fuck! Shut the fuck on, Chris. He's talking about a TV show, not one of the fluttering kids. No, I know. I respect them totally.

Just, it's dead boring. No, because in the first season of that show, he's got, like, the Angel Mobile, and it's just a shitty car with tinted windmill and he's driving around down. Stop it. That whole fucking shit. He should explode immediately.

And the best thing that show ever did was have him close that fucking detective agency. They just fight monsters, because that's dumb. Eat shit. The Dracula Detective Agency is closing, everybody. I like the disco ball. Yes. That's the ball.

Although, it must be for the dancing and whatnot, because otherwise, why would a place like the Titty twist have a disco ball in it? There's disco night. Oh, yeah. For the monster party. It's after trivia night. I'm there on Wednesdays where we have disco night.

And eat people. Fiji's fever. Vampo bingo. Sunday afternoon at the tape. Definitely in the afternoon. Yet another trivia night of vampires. Just all vampire trivia. So Cheech Mered the third arrives.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Carlos. Clooney asked him to shoot the door down. He does. All these vampires explode. It is awesome. When in doubt, blow it up, definitely.

They blow up pretty much the entirety of the Tooney tweedy twister. They walk outside. I like this whole thing with Clooney, just giving him the business. giving him the business right here, like, have you ever been here before? He's like, well, he drove by it a couple times. Why? You know what? I would have taken the Pizza Hut if I knew what was in here. And there's a funny scene of negotiating the rate for living in L. Ray, whatever that.

My brother is dead. He's not coming back. That girl's whole fucking family was murdered. All right, 20%. 25. I love the hag on here. It's really fun. And, of course, psychos do not explode. with some of that hits them. I don't do what fuck how crazy they are. Great life. Great life.

It's a great life. It's a great life. It's a great life. It's a fun fucking movie. I mean, now, blow it up. Need some company? Well, that's something about that. I mean, like, I know it's scary

to turn a new page, start a new chapter of your life, you know. I wouldn't decide to start that new chapter hanging out with the dude who's responsible for my family's murder. What did he look like George Clooney? Yeah.

Did you see that tattoo he's got? Point taken. Pretty hot. Got a sec. Clooney pussy? You'd eat it. That's very expensive, sir. You'd eat it.

Rosemary or otherwise. The woman is dead. So are the vampires. You're still eating. You still get there. Yeah. So, I mean, I do like. that they split up. It's not like total sequel bait. It's just like, okay, I'm going to go off

into a life that is going to suck until the day I die, and I'm all going to go to El Ray with Carlos and run the place, I guess. And it's a great last shot of that painting of this. The back into the twister is like this Aztec little temple, and it's like, ooh, what could that story be? An answer I don't want. You know what I mean? I just want to think about that by myself. He said it was cool to just see something and I haven't explained. like they did in the television show that no one liked. Wait, you don't want to know

about Texas blood money or the hangman's daughter? I would rather not beat the hangman's daughter. This gentleman did. This gentleman tangled with the hangman's daughter and spent Texas

blood money to watch it. Hangman's daughter, pussy! Now don't you think, like that Texas blood money, that was the first sequel. It's a sequel from Dust Hill Dawn a movie set in a place called the Titty Twister. It's a sequel

No One Asked for. Shouldn't they have called it Titty Twisters? Oh. You know what I mean? Lee Isaac Chun's Titty Twisters. Yeah. Who the fuck asked for that movie? I'll be there opening day, but I'm just saying I didn't ask for it.

I support it totally, but it sucks. I mean, maybe it sucks. I don't know. Yeah, that's the last shot of the movie. That's from Dust Till Dawn, folks. I take that. The hot air starts Hanging like a good man.

But we want to thank y'all for coming out here. You are awesome. This is great. We have not been this kick-ass fucking town in six years. So thank you so much for coming out. Yeah, buddy. Big thanks to Cap City Comedy. The staff's been great.

Tip your servers. Don't be fucking cheap. Tip your servers. Yes, please. But as always, if anyone has seen us live before you know, that when we close out a WHM live show, we want to check in with some of the most grounded, well-thought-out, intelligent, well-written, film thinking on the Internet. The best place to find that, none other, that the IMDV user review section.

So let's take a look at the madness. We've got two for you tonight. One is a ten-star review. One is a one-star review. We sold out of the four-star reviews. We do not have that for you tonight. So here we go. One out of ten stars. Subject line, get thee to a movie that is anything other than this one. Ooh. Right away by that subject line, you know, this guy's a real piece of work. Get me to a movie. I'll see you at the fucking Renfair, weirdo.

Uh, username Honka. I'm shocked they were still available. You're right. Right, October the 25th, 1998, so it was a home video viewing. steps off here no need to review this intellectually just plain awful we'll do nicely

a colossal waste of talent how Harvey Kytel uttered the line about becoming a lap dog of Satan without laughing his glasses off as a tremendous testament to the man's professionalism could have used some comments there when it ran out of breath

it's not all means it's not all means for it's everybody it can't be Steve and just It can't. It can't. It can't all be waggling your cock and bad lieutenant. It just can't. Occasionally you just have to be goofy in a Wes Anderson movie and enjoy yourself.

Sure. Let's see. Nothing creative or new or even remotely interesting to give a vampire flick fan a fun time. Whoa, vampire flick fan. Flick fan. Book fan. Wow. Save for the varied and all these colorful character renditions by Cheech Marin.

Cheech Marin. Of course. Now, I love Cheech. No, the rest of it's horseshit, but the... Cheech is amazing. I liked it when he said, Percy. That is probably... That is probably a review on there. Let's see. This movie was just like one of those

black velvet paintings with the little lights. Like a black light poster? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Well, it's 1998. That's a new technology. Oh, right. Spencer's Gifts is just starting out. Put them in the back of the store.

This review is older than some people here. Fish barely had three albums out. Let's see. My advice, take this little video cassette. Fucking condescending shit. It's a video. Videotape size don't get larger, but they're better movies. Oh, you can tell that's a good movie because it's...

The best movies are Laserdics and Beta Bats and that's it. Anybody want to watch the Godfather Chewler? You know, I would have preferred that versus those two tapes. Oh, the two tapes. What the fuck

out of here? I'm not changing reels. Lord of the Rings, the two tapes. That would have been on two tapes. It would have been lazy. I would be surprised about three. Yeah, it could be a free taper. Let's see here. All right, so take this little video cassette,

douse it with holy water, and incinerate it. Wow. Now, that's the end of the review, but there's a very confusing sign-off here. So I remember I said the username was Hunkah. What might be someone else on Hunkah's account writing this review, the last line of this is just two asterisks. and it says,

wife of Doug Peterson. Whoa. So, Doug is Hunkah and his wife used the CIA New. Like those old couples that share email addresses?

Or Facebook account? That's the most pathetic shit you'll ever see. I can't have my own identity at all. I share a Facebook account with my spouse. It's me, Hank and Beverly.

Times were tough in the late 90s. We had to bundle up our IMDB user accounts. My family could only afford but one. Some of us barely had a hotmail address. He's got your own fucking account, Rayo. Got your reviews.

And it's not even like Maria. Yeah, wife of... This woman's got no identity whatsoever. It's tragic as far. Well, she just hates Dustal to all that box. You're out in reviews on my username again, sweetheart? Yeah, but I'm doxing you at the same time. You better sign off.

of all your badly written reviews, wharf of me, Doug Peterson. First and last thing, motherfucker. I chose not to Google Doug Peterson plus Hunkah until I get out of the state of Texas.

And I'll get the true blue search results. Okay. All right, here we go. Last review. And oddly enough, I discovered, because I was like, oh, this username sounds familiar. This review was written by the same person who wrote a review for last night's show,

a Robocop 2 review months apart, both during quarantine. Of course. So this dude is like Jeffrey, write quills, just write shit on the walls. Yep. And losing his vibe. Here's what I thought about from Dustil. You're writing an IMDB review with your shit on the wall. Yes.

I mean, honestly, most IMDB user reviews could just be shit on wall. I wouldn't mind it. All right, here we go. Here's the last one. You want to shit it up. 10 out of 10 stars. Uh, username Givo 13678.

Oh, oh. Uh, June 5th, 2020 was the review. Uh, yeah, hell yeah, June 5th, 2020. Stupid! Yeah! Yeah! Fuck it! Six-five!

Uh... Subject line, Lots of. of killing. And here we go. It's a great one. I like the bit where they had a massive fight in the bar. We've been We Hate Movies from New York City.

Thank you so much, Austin. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. We'll see you all next time. Bye-bye. You know, I'm going to be able to be.

Thank you.