We Hate Movies - S14: Gleep Glossary: A Star Wars Story #50 - Count Dooku (Live on Coruscant)

Episode Date: August 8, 2024

Recorded at the Coruscant PAC, Imperial City, Coruscant 2.16.23 It's another entry in our beloved Star Wars sideshow, The Gleep Glossary! This month, we're chatting about one of the galaxy's biggest losers, Count Dooku! How boring of a lightsaber instructor was Dooku? Why would the Jedi keep monuments to Sith separatists, like Dooku, in their Hall of Legends? And was Dooku really trying to get an internship with Palpatine? At his age? PLUS: Hey, Disney+, let us make our High Republic-era boob comedy, you cowards! Gleep Glossary: A Star Wars Story is a show where the guys try to honor the history and legacy of SW characters, most of whom we've been told don't matter anymore! Thank you for checking out this WHM Patreon Unlock! If you like what you heard and want to explore the Gleep Glossary further, this show drops on a monthly basis, available to subscribers at the $8 and $10 levels! There are currently 67 chapters total in our Star Wars Gleep Glossary! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

Uta Guta Guta and welcome to our And welcome to our Ston won't shine show, the Gleap Gloucery. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Life's due on it. This is great. Everyone, we've got a big show for you tonight.

We're doing Count Duku is here, and yes, I'm the Gleap Master. These are my Glops, but I'm joined with some other Glops that you may know, some friends of mine. First up, Andrew. Yo! That's right. I know where this is going. Yeah. More show coming, folks.

Don't worry about it. And of course, Steve Sadek? Uh, yes. I'm a Sith master. Woo! All right. Yes. And of course, coming up next, folks, you know, you love them.

Chris Cabin. Oh, hoi, hoi there. Oh, come on. You gotta get up to Chris. The few in the back. Few in the back. Yep. Give it up for Chris.

Those are my people right there. Hey, guys. All right. Let's do it. Let's do it tonight, guys. Chris's family in the crowd. Hey, mom, I'm here. I made it.

people love the family stuff it's nice to see that your mother's in the crowd um very heartwarming for everyone here of course so you know as as always we read from the star wars essential guide to characters this month though count ducu it's the new essential guide to care text by daniel wallace and i'm not going to go through all the stupid shit on wukapedia Yeah, I should say. Careful there. Yeah. Is this the crowd from the shining picture?

This is really has a hot type quality to it. You don't want the crowd to turn on you, Chris. Let me just say. You've always been here, Chris. You want the crowd to turn on you, Chris? No, I'll tell you this. It's definitely the laughs of the long dead.

Yeah, you're uncomfortable, but you know what I'm talking about. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, I'm not going to go through every single detail that words in the cartoons and in the comics and in the video. This is the book that was written, and we're going to do it by the book. Can I say up front about Duku real quickly? Yes, please, please, please. It's a thing that totally sucks. And, you know, this, of course, is Rambit in Star Wars.

But I think Duku is one of the most egregious examples of, like, a character. That was bad fucking ass with what little he had to do in the prequels played by Christopher Lee, totally fucking great. But then, like, his larger presence in Star Wars overall is, like, just some fucking cartoon character. Yeah. Right? I agree with you. They agree with you. I think Count Ducu was wasted.

He could have been really something. We could have really dug into it. Apparently, apparently, but one point he was the Jedi master training Quigon Jin. You don't hear about that in the moment. movies. No. No. I mean, maybe if there's another Kenobi season, they're going to get like, I don't know, like a flashback, a Duku.

He's got like a rat tail kind of a thing. Just a young Duku. The Young Duku series would light the world on fire. I'm serious. It would be amazing. You could see someone fall to the dark side in an interesting and compelling way, maybe. I don't know. And honestly, Jude Law and John Malkovich would be good leads for

a Duku series. Either one of them, you bring them on. I think they got the gravitas. what both playing ducu what are you talking about they're both playing the young pope oh the pope oh it was a pope joke sorry i i missed it i haven't seen those are they good uh the first one is uh your guy directed him uh sorrentino i know and i just when the first one aired like i think i didn't have HBO at the time or something and i just completely fell behind with it i enjoyed the first season i only like watched one or two episodes of the second one but i got it i like malcovitch so but they're playing the same pope was the idea it's their different popes oh different popes they're different popes they're different from popes, I believe, yes. Sorry, welcome back to Pope chat. Oh, you are right. You are right to prove.

You got some Protestants in the crowd. You got the audio from the end of society here, Eric. Thank you. Chris, don't test it. So to start the entry here, okay. It's a short one this month, of course, because Count Duku, of course, had not much to do. And he was a little shorter by the end of the brinkles too.

Well, that's what my question is, does this go all the way to, does this go all the way through the beheading or do we leave it where he's on that fucking motorbike being like, I'll get you next time, gadget? We leave it with Get You Next Time Gadget because this book was came out in between Attack the Clones and Revenge of the Sim. I can't wait never to be decapitated. but I have a little amendment here about his how he does eventually do you know he does die

and we will get to that okay they're hungry for it to start it off bronzyum busts of many great Jedi masters line the walls of the Jedi Temple's Archives Room of these masters 20 abandoned

their lives of service to walk other paths Count Duku was by far the most tragic for leaving the Jedi Order. Hang on a second. Hang on a second. So we got like a hall of busts with famous Jedi and whatnot. And then motherfuckers that literally traded to the other side and we are not taking down those monuments in fucking Jedi Temple Hall. Are you kidding me?

When you said escaped their lives, I was like, oh, do they all commit suicide? They're pretty dark shit, dude We're not going to take them down That's our history right there You understand That's a fondament to history up there It's heritage It's heritage not hate

It's not my fault that you know Robert Ely was a secret Sith lord I mean I don't know Those motherfuckers literally had their own money And we still have a fucking Duku bust up And in the Hall of Jedi I just think that's it. I mean yeah we shouldn't have monuments

to separatists so am i right agreed so uh okay yeah so they banned their lives of service to walk other paths count ducu is by far the most tragic for lee uh for in leaving the jedi order he joined the ranks of the sith so some of the other guys just i don't know caught a bus out of town was his name so his real name was duku that's what is real jeff duku his uh his uh his his His Sith name was Tyrannus. That's right. Let's forget that part.

Oh, does. Much better. Much better. Tyrannis versus Duku. Come on. Yeah, I'm Doug Duku. I'm interning here in the Galactic Senate. I do like the count thing, of course.

Call back to his Dracula movies. But in a time of, you know, knights as like the Jedi and the Sith are, I mean, wouldn't you go with a Tyrannus over a duke who asks you to the fair dance? you say no a fucking tyranus does

well you kind of have to I guess well because you want to see that hog you see that truanas hog oh yeah it's big

it's for sure it's you don't want to see that turgid duku dick no no thank you no thank you

no thank you on that said although he never sat on the Jedi Council duku earned the respect of his peers through his expertise

as a lightsaber instructor and his principled stance on government oh boy welcome to beginning

to light saber No, you will not be receiving a lightsaber in this class. This is about lightsaber history. Yeah, Duku believed that the Republic had grown corrupt and that the Jedi should no longer serve such a rotten system. I only teach lightsaber during the tourist season. In the off season, I just do it recreationally while tending bar at a little watering all in town. to late March on the door.

Totally, dude. Jedi School. It's like a fucking ski academy comedy, but just with Jedi's? Absolutely. I would love to watch that. Wouldn't you people? Maybe Disney Plus might be listening. We can get some. Seriously, Disney 300 fake people can't be wrong.

Okay, get this. A fucking high, high Republic era boob comedy type of thing. How about that? Yep. Yep, and you know what's funny is it would be kind of like a meatballs thing but the unfortunate thing is the title Spaceballs is taken

so we'd have to figure out a title but yeah like a Star Wars boob comedy we could fucking do that and excel at it mightily that would be I mean that's a damn breaking situation because they've been holding back the sex for so long yeah that's a good point

they're like all right you know what five hard X rated boob comedies how about that oh my God wouldn't that be amazing Like, I don't care how many things I have to log into to get past the kid zone, you know. Give me the extra layer of security that you're going to want. Look, I'm not talking about, like, those comedies we watched at Eric's Bachelor Party. I'm talking about, like, maybe like a porkies.

Or, you know what, like a police academy thing. Oh, yeah, there you go, dude. And, you know, Yoda sits down and he's getting a blowjob by accident. You're not, you know. You're not even thinking about synergy. be a partnership between Disney Plus and Brazzers Plus that could really send us into the next state of erotica and, you know, entertainment. Yeah, I think it's a great idea. Finally get all the stories back in there that Bert Reynolds' character in Boogie Nights was complaining about, you know.

So many on the council sympathized but argued that to cut ties with the Republic would you, you'd be abandoning the citizens you were sworn to protect. Yeep. After the Battle of Nibu, Duku announced his resignation from the Jedi Order and then disappeared. That's enough of this bullshit. I resign. None of his fellow Jedi

knew where he had gone. The door hit... The door hit you on the way out. Don't let. It took him a second to get it, I guess. they're not the smartest crowd oh come on come on

come on you're you're warning me you were warning me about this Chris we have a show to do I know Chris yes no I'm just doing the fake thing

no we can't do the fake thing some people don't like the fake thing we got to mix it up Me included. I'm happy to actually talk to real people. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, that's interesting. I'm not loving it to myself, but anyway. Duku had begun training with Darth Sidious. Uh-oh, that pervert. Here we go.

He'd come to believe that through the dark side, he could shape the galactic order to fit his vision. Look, I'm just trying to stop the steel, all right? I mean, what a... You want to talk about lateral career moves? You know, he's like head of accounts of the Jedi Council. He's in his mid-70s. He goes to the other fucking side

and it's like, ooh, sorry, all I have for you is an apprentice. Totally. The pay is good. The title is not fantastic. I mean, the good thing is you can live forever, technically. So the fact that you're like 80,

hundred years old. It doesn't really matter. Sidious having just lost Darth Mall, poor guy. Oh, my God. That must have broke him up inside, right? So you're saying my 401K cannot transfer over. Great.

You know, this reminds me of the totally embarrassing Earth film, The Internship, Robert De Niro. Or was it the intern? him is fucking Owen Wilson and Vince Vaugh. Intern for De Niro, I think, right? Chris, you know that. Yeah, I think it's him and like he's working for Anne Hathaway

just fucking debasing himself. Like fucking Morty Seinfeld working at Petermins. That's just tough to watch. Oh my God. That sounds terrible. Yeah, but that's essentially what he's doing here, this old fuck. Yeah. So yeah, oh, my God,

lost Darth Mall. Oh, my God. We only know what we have until until it's gone. That's what Chase Chapman said. You know, I guess I do need it another apprentice. It's time to move on. He's not coming back. He's just not coming back.

Could you die your face red and black by any chance? Oh, man. Oh, yeah, him going. Him going full vertigo over this. That would make me very happy. I shall not be using a double-sided light saber. So Sidious knew he didn't have the time. time to train a new Sith apprentice from infancy.

I mean. Oh, man. That's a little much, isn't it? Isn't it? That's a little much, huh? Like, oh, my God, could you imagine? Stealing a baby. Oh, my Lord.

Anyway. So he was happy to have snared such a venerable Jedi. Mm-hmm. Now we get your resume is quite impressive. It seems to have been flounding around for the last 30 years, but you know, you can get in that. I mean, I really do. I like the application and everything, but could you tell you, do you know of any very powerful babies I could find? I'm looking for very powerful babies to train.

I mean, look, it's nothing against you personally or anything like that. It's just, I'm looking for more of a long-term partnership, and I mean, not for nothing. and you're about as old as I am. I think you actually, if you do the math, I think you're even older than me, Duku. Also, your picture on Sift Inn has dark hair. It's clearly 20 to 30 years ago. And now sitting in front of me, yes.

I mean, come on, Duku, none of us have those sideburns anymore, man. Yeah, it's like a boomer's Facebook photo. Well, you just, you put the photo up for when you won the big game, dude. Oh, yes. When you threw that football over the mountain. Yeah, when you did the Al Bundy. So now renamed Darth Tyrannus, or it's, if you rearranged, if you were here, you know, if you put the R a little further, you know, it could be Darth trianus here, but.

Tri-A-N-U-S-E-N-U-S. It's T-Y-R-R-A-N-U-S. So if you move the R one, oh, you know, it's trianus, right? Folks, am I alone here? We love trianus. It makes it sound, it makes it, it's not like trianil, like trianus, like it's a fucking cut of beef. That's what it sounds like. You would, you would, you would, you would, you would, you would, you would, you, I've been with you to a steakhouse.

Here we go, here we go. How did I fucking know? How did I fucking know? Here we go, drag it out again. Eat in a buttholes like it's no tomorrow, I mean, right? They were testicles. We weren't. an asshole. It was a delicacy, Eric. Rocky Mountain

Oysters is a delicacy. You got a few fans of Rocky Mountain Oysters here tonight. Thanks for coming out, folks. No, there won't be any ass to eat on the way home unless you ask one of these guys really nicely. There might be dipping sauces for it, though. You never know. There might be some nice there was some horse radish. We had a marinera, I think. You get a little lemon on there. So Count Duku recruited the bounty hunter Django Fett to serve as the template For the secret clone army that would be grown on the planet Camino. It was like Calamari, but they were testicles.

That's all I'm saying. This actually tells you why you don't hire young babies for everything. Because then you can't put a baby in charge of a clone army. You get Duku in there. He hits the ground running. He's got an infrastructure in place almost immediately. That's true. That's true.

A baby would not be good at the managerial skills you might need. Well, maybe the boss baby. That's probably the one. one of the good ones. I bet he fell to the dark, dark side a long time ago, right? Also, I don't know if babies, go ahead. You want to say suck it. You just want to say suck it.

Okay, that's good. That's good to say suck it a lot. Babies, suck it. I know. I'm very aware. Babies don't look good in the imperial uniforms. I think I think this is where we're going to have an issue here. The onesies aren't going to look great. Oh my God. You just reminded me of something, Chris. This is a real

stop-the-presses situation. I was at the movies today, and they had a commercial for that Star Wars hotel slash experience or whatever. Where you're like on a ship, and it appears as if there's some sort of...

I know. I mean, yeah, but this is what I was I noticed was really weird. So they're like, oh, you participate in a story. This is what I gleaned from the commercial. And it looks to be something where it's like something, something, Chubon. got fucking kidnapped and you got to like help break them free or whatever but part of it is like fucking chubaka what an asshole part of it is like oh you you live the star wars experience and there are

little kids with like imperial fucking hats on like giving orders and then you've seen chubaka in handcuffs so how did this family decide that like it's i would join the empire if i went there for sure you know But the thing is, I'm kind of interested in this because it's a Star Wars Land. And I've actually never been to any amusement park besides six flags once when I was like 13. Sure. But I'm just saying, if you get a shot to see this commercial, it is hilarious because this is a little girl dressed as an imperial officer pointing a wookie towards his execution. It's incredible. It's 2023.

We can have little orsynchronics of any gender. It doesn't really matter. You stand here and my... achievement. I'm arresting you, Mads, Mickelson. Be careful not to choke on your Lego pieces. You're a fucking baby.

Lil Krenwick, dude. Oh, yeah. Little critic would be great. So he began steering up some anti-Republic sentiment among the outlying systems, this Duku did. Oh, no.

Then Duku eventually came out of his self-imposed exile, alleging that Supreme Chancellor Palpatine had done little to curb governmental corruption. Wow. Here's something real quick, though. Duke who's being played here, right? Because basically like, you know, he's

dumb enough to think that Palpatine and Sidious are different, or is he helping a range of false flag? I wish the fucking movie knew. That would be nice. Cidius slash Palpatine is just using him to get a hotter young piece down the road. You know what I mean?

Ooh, that's true, dude. He's just like, oh, look how good I with this old bastard I would treat you even better oh yeah dude yeah he's all he's just looking for that nice hot young piece of ass exactly because yeah what once you wear the ring everyone's like oh wow that guy is a young apprentice that's pretty cool I can see myself being that guy's apprentice if he didn't have an apprentice I would think that he he wasn't serious about commitment you know like that right right this is if we're going to to get like and or like the what the city life or like the political world of uh star wars is i would

much prefer to watch the emperor go to like a sith fundraiser and go around and be like do you have a baby i could use do you have a baby i could use i mean oh you're here for the dark lord come on now you could give me your baby you could model them as like those you always see the fucking hidden camera videos of like CPAC conventions and shit or whatever, like, have it be that. Like, like fucking Sidious comes out. And, you know, because you always see these fucking Republicans come out, like it's

professional wrestling. There's like, smoke machines going off and the shattered glass, stone cold, Steve Austin theme song type thing plays. And it's like, presenting Lauren Bobert. Like, yeah. You can do that kind of shit. You got to do that when you're, you know, your whole convention, you're throwing for people with

a IQ of under 70. I like the political jokes I like the political jokes these this grand all right so where are we here okay you were finished

with your thought right oh most definitely so do do dooku what am I saying Sudoku Sudoku?

Sudoku called for the systems to credit to create a republic of their own design so this is the whole separatist movement here we're getting into nearly two

systems walked out to join him and the Republic protesting the illegality of the movement began what would become a two-year debate over the legitimacy of the Confederacy of independent systems.

Wow. We are just fucking stopping the steel in Star Wars, dude. And again, like, it would be interesting to see any of this as opposed to like, oh, why don't you, Obi-Wan, go to a diner and then fucking go to seek out ducu you're absolutely right we do get stuff that are they packing this into cartoons like are we getting that political on the cartoons i think we are i think and they're kind of i think they

backloaded like oh we got to make this fucking narrative make some kind of sense so we'll throw it in the clone wars cartoon or whatever i haven't seen them all but in i think a type of clones ducu does meet with certain separatist movements around a table and it's a terrible fucking scene there's a guy from the techno trade union or whatever and he's got like a he looks like a underwater uh seaman not like that folks i meant like a mariner outfit you know oh not like a sturgeon or anything oh dude more fish people in star wars please oh i would love it

so when terrorist bombings began Waking course Always a good place to start Oh yeah A couple fans Terrorist bombings out there Oh then Don't we love terrorism folks

You love terrorism See when I do terrorism It's patriotic So the terrorist bombings are going Many senators blame the success The Successionists And debated Creating a standing military force

Meanwhile, the Republic struggled with the concept of raising an army. Duke who simply bought one. He met with the trade representatives, uh, with the rep, pardon me. He met with the representatives of the trade federation, commerce guild, intergalactic banking clan, techno union. This is the scene I was talking about. The movie has started. I hope you have your popcorn.

Fire out the projector. I'm going to be. say, call it 2 million clones by quarter three of next year. What are we talking here? What's the damage? What's going to run me exactly? Well, they're not going to work. I don't know what to tell you, man.

You want that kind of order. They're not going to work. I don't want to be bogged out in meetings. I just want to order my clones, know that they're on the way. And then when things are going poorly, I have them, ready for me. Well, could you accelerate their growth so that, you know, I don't care if they died a few years. Look, listen, all I want is a clone army, and no questions asked.

Perhaps just one special request. No New Zealand accents, if you please. Yeah, that's going to be a problem, pal, because the quickest one we can get you a British one, but it's going to take an extra six months. New Zealand, we got right at the ready. Got it right in the front of the store. Of a bitch. All right. Fine. They can all sound like peaceful New Zealanders.

Yes, my big rough and tumbled clone army. Yeah, because we have to fly into British ones. We have a New Zealander who just stays here with us all the time. So, where were we? Yes, the popcorn is gone. The projector has run. And now we are, you know, Duke who offers them economic concessions that would line their pockets in exchange for their war machines. but Obi-Wy and Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, and Padme Amadala discovered, they discovered Duku's operation on genosis. What do you know?

I never saw that coming. Yeah, so the count failed in his attempts to kill them and fled genosis, but not before facing his former master Yoda in a test of lightsabers. Can I not trust one of my octogenarian sit lords to kill. these fuckers. God damn. So his loss to Yono was of little consequence for Duku who escaped to his true

master, Darth Sidious. Oh, wow. And of the book entry, but I got a little Captain's Logs supplemental over here. Well, yes, here. After years of maneuvering the galaxy into a state of war, the clone warrants began

when the newly formed Republic military invaded genosis, as we're sort of talking about that just right now. As the leader of the separatist, Duku delegated military authority to a cadre of subordinates. Personally trained by himself, including trading by himself,

one general grievous. Oh, there he is. Grevy, baby. Grevy. I mean, did you train him or did you put like the right fucking chip in there that makes him his lightsabers go?

It's my question. Well, yeah, I guess I don't know. Program thing. Mm-hmm. Well, Grievous was trained only in the art of lightsaber combat. Asgeventry. Asges. What?

What are you saying? Aschis. Aschis. Okay. Aschis. Okay. All right. I'll drop it in the chat.

You tell me how to say that. Assage. There you go. Asy bowls. What? How the fuck did you get that? Are you looking at the same word as me? I was maybe being a joke here

Julian Assar Julia and Esa oh dude The Galaxy's greatest villain Asa JJ Yes Yeah it's Asa JJ Yeah it's Asa JJ

All right I'll go with that Asa JJ ventras Well you know And then Asa JJ was strong with the force Affording her The opportunity to learn the ways of the dark side from Duke

The Sith, however, remained faithful to Darth Bain's rule of two. Okay, here we go. Here's some dumb stuff, folks. Darth Bain. Oh, yes. You only know of the dark side. I was born in it. One idiot.

Not you, Darth Bain. No, I mean, Bain would have to be the only cut Sith Lord, right? none of them seem to have the muscularity. You're saying he's got, he's, uh, he's circumcised? No, like the cut has jacked. You know, like, he's jack. Don't laugh with the dick jokes. Don't laugh at the dick jokes. Don't laugh at he's jerking off.

He's, he's jacking off his uncut. Absolutely. That's 100% what's happening. Okay. Well, you know what else is happening is, is the Sith or adhering to that rule of two that Darth Bain put into pose. Oh, no. All right.

Yeah, just with, I love the rule of two. Makes a ton of sense. Yeah. So Duku was compelled to betray his disciple. I guess that's Asa J.J. After Sidious became suspicious of his own apprentice's intentions. Though he sought to replace Ventris with Savage Opress and later Kwanen Vaz, Duku ultimately remained beholden to his master's will.

Oh, so Savage Opress, Savage Opress, the dumbest name in Star Wars. Am I right, folks? Yes. Right next to bad evil. That's Darth Darl's brother, Savage O'Press. Come on. That sucks. I think he's a little more jacked and he's probably cut too, Chris.

Oh, I see. Okay, that's good. And also, if you started dating him, you'd get cut too once you start neckin and he's got those fucking horns on his head. You know, he leans over and he cuts you there a little bit when you're making out. You definitely have to be careful. I think he's poking you. She probably has some horns in the pumpkin patch, too, right above the, right above the dick. Probably just a few horns right there as well.

Expand on that. The pumpkin patch. Look, look, if it stands to reason. Yeah, uh-huh. You got a bare area somewhere. There's going to be horns there. If you have horns on your head, why not have horns down there? Chris, you're killing it today.

The crowd loves you. I love it, baby. Thank you. Mom, I did it again just by making dick jokes. Thank you. Beholding. Interesting thing to find emotional. Chris, Chris and his mom.

Yeah, no, I know. It's a beautiful story. It is great. It's like when Letterman would do remotes with his mom. She's very proud. She is in Indiana now, too. Indiana funny state so this will all be his undoing blah blah blah by the third year of the war ducu and grievous had succeeded in an abducting chancellor's palpatine okay this is a

this is a cartoon plot line so duke duke duke and grievous abducted chancellor palpatine or something as percidious is planned from the republic capital of croissant during the ensuing battle, you know, maybe someone's going to correct me, and maybe it was in the movie, but I don't get a fuck. Peltine Perseidius's plan? Is that what you're saying? Yes. That's the same person, right? It sure is, folks.

Interesting. It's kind of like of Superman was like, every time Superman's like, oh, that that whip Clark Kent, am I right? You know what I mean? Exactly. Yeah. So during the battle I think she kidnapped herself. During the battle

of Corraceant, uh, he was confronted and defeated by the Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker. That's one way to put it right up. Yeah, you're goddamn right. Who then summarily executed Duky by beheading. I think that is the greatest Star Wars death until we got into

like Andor of fucking. shooting people in the face in that first episode and so on the murder on that show is awesome yeah but that is it's still also the funniest death in star wars is that you just see like the little blip of the head falling off his body yes fine finally someone took over the role uh that was held by boba fat before yeah it's funniest death yeah you're right yeah i you know i love because you know has a cut up myself i thought it was i i enjoy i i part of the reason i like fet is he's funny because I want to die too. In a funny way.

In a funny way, of course. Showman, show me. You have to find connection to all these characters. I mean, you've got to find some way to connect me, right, Eric? Thank you. And it's the only way I'm ever going to get close to anything like this is dying. Possible. So in the days following Dukku's death, Palpatine revealed to the Jedi that he was, in fact,

Earth Sidious, who had betrayed his apprentice in order to replace him with the younger and more powerful Skywalker. With the subsequent fall of the Jedi order, Page Stern, Sidious was consolidated his power and declaring himself Emperor of the Galactic Republic, which Tyrannis had an instrumental role in establishing. As for Skywalker, he succeeded the late Darth Tyrannis as Sidious is third and last apprentice, resulting in the transformation into Darth Vader and proving his slain victim's words of. sensing fear, hate, and anger. Dude, total fucking, total corporate move. You force the old guy out. You bring in the young guy at like one third the salary.

You know what I mean? You bet your ass, dude. You bet your ass. That dude had been there for fucking years. He knew the job inside now. And because of that experience, he got a little too pricey for you. Fuck that shit, dude. Yeah, I mean, what are you going to do?

Like you're saying, you're going to get a baby? I mean, Anakin's kind of a baby. He's a man child. You got to train this guy on how to do the ins and outs of fucking subverting major galactic government. Are you kidding me? I would love to see Anakin put together a clone army. That I would love to say. Yep.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Dude. A functioning clone army? No way. No, it's not happening. You might as well put Jeff Spacoli and fucking do it. Get him to do it.

I would like an unfunctioning clone army where they're all, they come out all dead, you know? old goopy and shit they're just leaking out of their suits. Yeah, just leaking, dude. And that has been the Gleap Glossary for the month. What have we learned this month? Andrew, what do you think? Oh, man.

I mean, I learned that, you know, sometimes you get locked into a career position and if you don't play your cards right, man, you were going to see yourself just being debased, you know, being the low rung on the ladder at fucking 75 like Duku here. Just be thankful for every day.

That's what I learned. Yes, preach, preach. Stephen Sadek, what do you think? Any parting shots for this? No, I'm a big fan of Duku. I always love that crooked lightsaber of his. Oh, yes, thank you for bringing that up because it looks like you could pump gas with it.

Yes. I love that. It's like a downward angle. Exactly. I guess because, you know, that's how you're using it, kind of a thing. Which would be helpful if you're fighting a little. green motherfucker, you know what I mean?

I think that thing, I kind of, can I tell you right, all joking aside, I always assume, even back in 2005 watching Attack the Clones, or the last one there, Sith, Revenge of the Sith, where you see that thing in action,

hardcore, I just assumed because he was old and had arthritis, and that's why he needed, like, the ergonomically correct lightsaber. I can't, I can't, bend my thumb around like that anymore. Also, it'd be

cool if there's a setting on it where it can just turn solid and be a cane. Definitely. They've got all that rubber shit in his shower too, yeah. Or maybe the lightsaber doesn't have to turn solid. You just put like, you put a little tennis ball on the end of it and then you can use it to touch the ground.

Got it. It won't cut through the flooring and whatnot. You got the little tennis ball on there. Smart. All good ideas. what are we feeling i think you know what i think duku it takes it takes hutspa to see a listing for a job for infants and say i'm 97 years old i'm going to knock this out the park hear me insidious we're going to get some things done here i you know what he and you know up until he loses his head uh-huh um he i think he he is the right person in the right job but then you couldn't have

you could not have expected an Anakin Skywalker to walk in there. Sure. He was the one. He's the chosen one. So he thought he was going to have a long, you know, he was going to get the immortality serum like his boss. But he did. He got his head cut off. And that's too bad.

That's really too bad for Duke. So that's going to do it for this month on the Gleap Glastry. I'd like to thank our studio audience, of course. Give yourselves a round of applause. Thank you guys. The real hero. Real heroes out there. So many dudes without shirts

on. I love it. Until next month, I've been Eric Siska. DJ Asa JJ. Steven Sadek. Chris Caput. And now go in shoot yourself. This has been the gleeplessery. Thank you again, guys. Yes, we love you. Thank you, Corson.

So, uh,