We Hate Movies - S14: PATREON SUMMER UNLOCK - #393: Star Wars (W❤️M)

Episode Date: September 3, 2024

Originally released on Patreon, December 7, 2018 “To me, the idea of Brian De Palma watching Star Wars is like Abraham Lincoln reading Watchmen.” - Steve On this We ❤️ Movies episode, the gang is chatting effusively about the beloved, action-packed space opera, Star Wars! There's no point in telling you three measly plot points covered in this episode like we normally do in descriptions, though. This is the longest recording in show history* and we had a ton of fun talking about one of our greatest loves! Do keep your eyes peeled for the entire backstory of fan favorite gleep-glop, "that werewolf"! Star Wars stars Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford, Alec Guinness, Anthony Daniels, Kenny Baker, Peter Mayhew, Peter Cushing, and William Hootkins as Perkins; directed by George Lucas. *EDITOR’S NOTE: We now believe our longest-running episode to be our We ❤️ Movies episode on The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, clocking in at three hours and five minutes! - Andrew Be sure to catch us on the road for our final live shows of the year in Seattle, Portland (Oregon), and Boston! Head to our website now for all ticketing information. Thanks so much for checking out this unlocked We ❤️ Movies episode! Each month we drop a new W❤️M for our Patreon subscribers at the $5 level & up! On that show, we’ve goofed on some of our favorite films like The Fugitive, Oppenheimer, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 1, Robocop, Iron Man 3, Alien, Escape from New York, and more! Head over to our Patreon to subscribe today—instantly unlock all We ❤️ Movies episodes, along with countless hours of exclusive shows you can’t get anywhere else! Original cover art by Felipe Sobreiro.

POMAYOR. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. We're going to be. I'm sorry.

I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to be. I'm going to be. We're going to be able to be. Well, we're starting to pack up the bunks here, the fucking verbo rentals coming to an end. See, get the towel. Yes. They're still wet.

I don't care. Get them in a plastic bag. God, dealing with these guys, I'm almost glad we're going back to work. Starting next week, there will be all new fresh episodes. Do not worry. Fresh Eps. And this is an unlock of a very popular older episode Star Wars. Yes, 1977.

Yeah. A new hope to some of you folks that celebrate. And don't forget, on that Patreon, a lot of other great offerings, for instance, the Empire strikes back. That huge episode, this is an overstuffed episode. Yeah. That's an overstuffed episode.

And we also did Return of the Jedi on the main feed. We also have recapped every episode of the Mandalorian, every episode of the Obi-Wan Kenobi show we did. And the Book of Boba Thud. The dreaded book of... Dark Times for the Empire. Yes, really sad stuff. There's so much Star Wars content if you like Star Wars.

Gleap Glossary, for Christ's sakes. Gleap Gloucester, scroll on the feed a few weeks back and listen to that Count Ducu episode for more of a taste of what that experiences. That's right, that's right. And if I'm remembering correctly, does this Star Wars 77 episode have the planted seed of the gleep glossary in it, right? There is a backdoor pilot, yes, where we read the entry of Lack Sivrak, the Wolfman at the bar. That's right. That's where it all started. So right here in the Star Wars 77 episode, the earliest days, the backdoor pilot is Eric, correct?

put it of the gleepe glassery right there laxivrak love that guy got a fucking unfair shake in the universe I'll tell you that not good uh but yes unlocking star wars you know it's fucking labor day weekend y'all what do you want from us uh you know but we're packing up the verbo just leave them towels on the floor

by the way that's what the fucking pdf says keep in mind there are so many offerings on that patreon including a we love movies episode on the crow that came out in August there is the once in a lifetime on danger in the dorm and why don't we just tell you now what the

We Love Movies episode for September is, which is coming very soon. Do it, do it, do it, do it. We're a cue in our vengeance theme intact and our comic theme intact. Right. Because we were talking about the Batman. That's right. The Matt Reeves masterpiece or batsterpiece. Whatever you want to say, I fucking really dig on this movie. By the way,

accidentally we've now just done three comic books in a row. We just did an episode on Logan, an episode on The Crow, and episode on the Batman. So when you sign up, you get all that shit plus so much goddamn more. You guys are going to love it. Yeah. Now, you know what, John in the back room

doesn't want them to hear this. But let me just tell them now. Do it, dude. Fuck that guy. We're going to do too old for this shit on The Penguin, which is starting mid-September. What the fuck?

I told you not to do this. Shut up, John. God fucking damn it. You know what John? Fucking dry those towels, asshole. I'm stripping the bed. It was terrible to go on summer vacation with John from the back room.

You can't ask him one thing They can't listen He just wants to give you all crummy crumbies And we don't want that No, we give you goody goodies Such as this Star Wars episode That's right And if you want in on the Batman

And the countless hours Of extra shows And commentaries and whatnot That we have done over the years Patreon.com slash we hate movies Is where you can get all of it folks Now please enjoy us Really loving Star Wars 77

This month on the exclusive Patrons-only Patreon bonus episode, we're talking about an indie film that some of you may have heard of already. It's called Star Wars. I'm Andrew Jupin. Steve Star Killer. Chris Crawb. Eric Skywalker. Chris Crawled. That's got to be something. And we love movies.

Hello, everyone. to We Love Movies. Thank you for tuning in as always. And thank you for your continuing Patreon support, because let's remember by the way, only you guys are getting this episode. By the way, this is the 12th and the end of the first year of our

Patreon. And we're ending with Star Wars. Wow. Look at that. That's, by the way, that is not us clapping for ourselves. That is the award ceremony that is taking place at this moment. No, it's us clapping for you. Thank you for. We've blown up big pod with your support. I thank you up to the fans, I think.

what we'll call that. So this movie is, of course, Star Wars from the year 1977, directed by a little known filmmaker named George Lucas. Don't you want to obnoxiously call this Star Wars Episode 4, A New Hope? You know, you're just talking to your friends? You know what I was watching last night?

Star Wars episode 4, A New Hope? I think it's a thing where, like, if you're of a certain age, you can't do that. You know what I mean? Like, I know I've done it, but I shouldn't be doing it. Oh, no, I love when they do it. That's an easy way for me to be like, oh, I should go somewhere else. Well, I read recently that they did it in 1981 when they did like a theatrical re-release and then eventually for Vidia.

Yeah. Because apparently Empire had five on, had five on there. Oh, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, four wasn't on there. It was on some of them or something like that. The trivia is massive. It's a change, but at least it's a change that came in 1981 and not last year.

Right. And I mean, like, at a certain point, yes, if I'm just talking to a buddy, I'm like, oh, dude, I was watching Star Wars last night. the guy's got to be like, which one? Like, because I mean like, you know, no, the one of the lightsabers. Well, we just didn't have the technology to put the episode four on the internet. We just didn't know how to do it. You know, I was reading about his claim of why it's not there. And it actually sounded reasonable that it would confuse an audience.

Sure. Yeah. But it would. It would confuse me as a kid. I was like, the fuck am I watching. I mean, not really, but I was always like, oh, this is the fourth one. There's more that I didn't see maybe. Like, I was just like a kid.

I don't get to see the other. the first ones, I don't get to see the first episodes. You know, if Phantom Medicine is coming out, and you just say it's a prequel, oh yeah, it takes place like three movies before that one, I'm fine. I don't need episode numbers. Honestly, I don't need episode numbers. I like the

episode numbers. They're fun. Well, because they don't say you were fucking shit about it. I was just confused by them. No, but it goes along with his legislation that this fucking needs numbers for everything. Oh, yeah, so is this Star Wars 4? This is Star Wars 1. Star Wars 1. Yeah. And then Star Wars 2, Star Wars 2, Star Wars 3, and then the prequel trilogy

of Star Wars 4, 5, 6. I'm going negative. Negative. I'm doing negative. I'm doing negative. But it's a movie made out of, you know. Here it is. No, check it out. So, Star Wars 1, Star Wars 2, Star Wars 3. Then when you get to Phantom Menace, Star Wars negative 3. Attack of the Clone, Star Wars negative 2. Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars Negative 1.

And then Rogue 1 is Star Wars Zero. Yep, that's right. Even if you get through this through the House, there is just no fucking way you get it through the Senate. I'm sorry. But you're fucking nuts. I'm coming across the aisle here, because calling the prequel trilogy negative, that yes,

that makes total sense to me now. And you know, Chuck Schumerl has thrown me a billion bucks for anything, no matter what. That guy's fucking ready for it. Retire. Would you be okay if we called them Title 1 and Title 2? How about that Mr. Sadek.

I, Mr. Sadek. We can get into what versions we all watch because that's kind of got to pepper the conversation absolutely. I watched my wife has her VHS trilogy

that she inherited from her uncle which is amazing. Now that is a fucking family heirloom I can get behind. Seriously, pass that down. I want to see that thing make it to 2048. It will, man.

It's 20 years after Steve's death. I was like, should I go really far in the future. Nah, not for that guy. Look at that guy. Let's not push it. Guys is drinking a beer at 11 o'clock at the morning. But, uh, we sure are. I was looking at the time, like, you know, it's the old box art,

et cetera, et cetera. What I love about the old box art is every logo is designed completely independent of the logo before it. Like, there's no, nothing informing. There's no house style. It's just like, Star Wars is this big block. It's like kind of like almost a half try or almost triangle kind of a thing. Yes. It's like two degrees away from looking shitty. And then Empire Strikes back.

to get that long E and like Star Wars is like kind of a border. Like a slash to, yeah. And then and then return to the Jedi is like Times New Roman. It's like, the fuck are we doing? I love it. Love it. So that's what I watched. I watched the Harmon Cut.

And I do have the VHSs, but I gave them to my cousin's son as like a year. You should. Fucking passing it down. I love it. Yeah. So like Christopher Cabin, I watched the despecialized. Harmie cut. And I did not give my VHSs to any cousins.

I have them. I know you do. I didn't give them to cousins. I know you do. I might get buried with this set. It might have. Oh, that would be sad. Well,

well, then I'll get my new set. To be a bit of a contrarian, I watched the special edition on Blu-Rae. Now, well, now, you didn't watch a special edition on Blu-ray

because you watched whatever the fuck on Blu-ray. What are you? about to tell me. So there's the 1997 special editions. What fucking. There's a Platinum edition. Shut the fuck up.

There is a 2004 DVD version which updates that. And then there's a 2011 version that I think is the latest. Yeah. Yeah. So you watched special edition three. Now, how does this work out in your title legislation? Oh, dude, I can't. I can't.

I think it's like one point. Oh, so you're abandoning it finally? No, I don't know. I'm just. I don't you gotta deal with it I'm sorry so we watched Star Wars 1.3 that's right Mark

Star Wars 1 Mark 3 And you know the interesting thing about it Once you get past That fucking so stupid Han and Java scene The rest of the movie From what I could remember and tell Was like totally fine

And it was just kind of like watching The updated Star Trek episodes Yeah Like the effects were just updated And honestly, like, you know what? How about the Grito shooting first? But that's after. That's after that.

Okay, okay, how about this? Yeah. There are moments in the Death Star when, you know, they bust into the detention center and shoot those dudes. Yeah. Your version, you can't see the blaster make contact on those guys because it's mean. It's mean. Yeah, we can't show someone get shot by a blaster.

Those dudes chest open up. They fucking get laid the fuck out in 1977 and it is beautiful. I got to tell you, at the moment I was watching these yesterday, I kind of didn't give a shit. I thought this was, we love movies, man. And I was totally fine with what I was fucking watching. That was what I was realizing was like, I understand like the stink of it all. But sometimes like in favor of, I don't know, like putting on a standard deaf DVD that I had lying around. Like it fucking looked and sounded awesome.

I know all the stuff that's different. So like I can fill in the blanks and it's totally fine. And I'm just saying that, like, in this particular instance, this Blu-ray screening of Star Wars 1.3 did not, it wasn't ruined it anyway. It's still Star Wars at the end of the day. That's the thing. It's like, I can understand there is something to the grubbiness of it. That's why I like the Harmys that is just like. There's also, if you like grubbiness, the silver screen edition that is now going around.

That's what I was trying to tell you the name of it the other day. It's a good one. I mean, the VHS, it was great. I love all of the times the lightsaber turns out of doing it. aluminum pole. It just makes me feel like I'm watching a movie that was made in 19 motherfucking 77. Yeah. And that just

happened. They ran out of money and you know what when the fucking blast doors are closing on Darth Vader after he kills Obi-Wan, he's just holding an aluminum pole. And that's how that shit's going to go. Do you think it's possible that there's someone out there listening to this

right now that hasn't seen this movie? I don't think so. I mean like if you I just can't imagine it. This is the second highest grossing film adjusted for inflation of all time in North America. What's number one again? Gone with the wind. Yes, of course. I mean, I'm this movie's way less racist than gone

with the wind. That's true. Adendum, you do meet people that just haven't seen this movie that didn't grow up, but you know what? But I can't imagine you would download this podcast. You have, you meet people that make a big stink about I never saw Star Wars. I never saw it. You know what's crazy? Am I triggering you?

Here's the thing. For those folks, no one has ever been impressed by that statement. Yeah, I mean, it's always like, okay, cool. I mean, is that a proud boy thing? You're not allowed to jerk off? You're not allowed to watch Star Wars. Wait, the proud boys can't jerk off?

No, that's what they're proud of. All those dudes should be doing is jerking off. That's why they're so angry. That's how they get their energy. Oh, my God. What a bunch of racist energy. Stupid idiots. Their general ripper from Dr. Strangelove.

Never give a woman your eyes. essence or whatever. Yes. Oh, yeah. Ew. Yeah, so this is a movie called Star Wars. It takes place in a galaxy

far, far away. I mean, like, yes, I mean, it's Star Wars. I mean, it's... This is weird because, like, normally as per tradition for the better part

of a decade on the show, we go through movies, but, like, you can't go through Star Wars. Like, everybody knows the beats. I mean, I guess we'll just go through it sort of kind of... We got to.

We got to. Well, all right, so here's something that I noticed. Star Wars is famous for, like, the wipes. this is an editing little gaff that I found it's not a gaff it's an editing move that I found shitty and I never noticed it before

in the hallway shootout at the very beginning when all the stormtroopers are chasing after looking for lay in the ship right there is a fucking there's a there's a it's like blink and you miss it there's a cross dissolve from like stormtroopers running to just a shot it's the shot of like C3PO and R2D2

coming into the hallway and then being like yeah yeah yeah yeah backing up. That cross-dissolve is so much worse than any fucking wipe in any of these movies. I couldn't even believe it. It's so sloppy and fucking not necessary. There's also that commercial break after like they catch 3PO and like I think it's what he's like getting in the oil bat. It's like commercial break and we come back. Yes. I will say I don't like how they added the end of Rogue One to the beginning of all these movies. I think it's just it's terrible. So let's quickly start there because I think there's going to be a lot of

of questions about, at least I had these questions and I looked them up because I was watching this last night, I was like, okay, wait, so their last master, our two and three POs was Captain Antilles. And we all know. Wait, that's Wedge, right? No. No, Wedge's father? No. Wedge's brother?

No. No. No. It's just some other motherfucker named Antilles. Yes, it turns out that that name is kind of like Smith in the Star Wars universe. This guy was named Ray Ramos Antilles. Harold Ramis Antilles. Who is the captain of this ship that gets seized by

Lord Vader. It breaks his neck. Yes. Yes. Yes. He's a guy who actually dies on screen. And he's from Alderan. He's from the Alderanian Antilles family. And Wedges from the Correllian Antilles family. It's like the Hatfields of McCoys, dude. I wish. The Antilles and the Antilles. Well, I mean, I think there was one Antilles thing, and then they broke off. And then you got the fuck to Carilia.

We want to fuck our cousins, and these ones don't. I want to see, like, a Hatfield and McCoy's in Star Wars, like a moisture dispute. Like, maybe Uncle Owen's neighbor who's also rustling up some moisture. They're like, that's on my land, Owen. You know, just by the disposition of fucking Uncle Owen, he had feuds with neighbors. Definitely. We go to the scroll really quick, just because I found out today by doing a lot of IMDB research, on the train, that Brian De Palma, like, famously hated it and, like, helped Lucas

condense the actual scroll, the text of it. And the idea that Brian, and I never, I knew there were friends, et cetera, et cetera. The idea of Brian De Palma watching Star Wars is like fucking Abraham Lincoln reading watchman. It's like, it just, it makes no sense. It's like, those two things should not exist in the same time, in the same place. Yeah. What's the green things? The green things name? greed. That's the sloppiest fucking thing I've ever heard, George. I'm going to be fucking serious with you. First of all, lay up

lipstick. More lipstick. What I'm asking for, and I want high heels. I thought this was a... I thought this was supposed to be a princess. Where's all the leg? Where are the heels? Where are they? I think I'm looking at them.

We were rewatching Carrie over Halloween. Chelsea had never seen it. And that fucking... The opening few minutes of that movie is just all slow motion soft focus teenage girls in locker room sure and Chelsea just goes something like wow Brian De Palma's a scum man oh yeah yeah yeah but that movie's awesome but yeah I mean so the scroll happens it's it's you know and then yeah we're can I just say that from before

Rogue 1 happened when they say Rebel spies like I had Tinker Taylor in mind not like oh like someone like slicing in hacking the computers and stuff. Well, that's not exactly what Pinker-Taylor is, but, you know, more... Like, seducing the captain and getting his codes and then going in and secretly taking it. I didn't expect this big fucking battle. That's not what I think of when I think spies. I just, you know what? I kind of leave this that alone.

I mean, I like Rogue One for what it is, but it's like Star Wars starts when Star Wars starts. That's just, that's... Well, then the prequals, the negatives don't make sense then, right? They don't know. I mean, I literally, like, I just, like, it's so easy to watch this movie without any of that nonsense, and I tried my best to not do that. But it's weird because, like, like when they mentioned stuff that the prequels then adapted,

you can't help but think of it. He's like, oh, I've voted the clone was. And you're like, ah, the clone was. They sounded so much cooler when you didn't know what they were. Yeah. Yeah. And the Rebel Spies says, I mean, Rogue One I like, but I understand

that because last year, I think, I watched Rogue One and A New Hope back to back. Sure. It doesn't really work. No. It doesn't. It's just like, I love the end of Rogue one, how Vader's so fucking badass, and then we get to this, and it's just like, he's like, slowed

down, suddenly. Does he like fucking smoke a J? In between that time? You're totally right. But that's the thing, and this, that's what I like about Vader in the beginning of this, is there's like a bureaucraticness about him. He's like very calm and, like, I'm trying to do my fucking job here.

Well, he's middle management. That guy, the guy who comes up to him is like, she'll die before she'll tell you anything. Like, that dude isn't his boss, but like, he's the of marketing and Vader is the head of like operation and they're just like I don't answer to you I don't answer to you

but that's what's interesting though because like as a little kid watching this you just see a motherfucking like robot person wearing all black you're like well that's clearly the head bad guy like it's not at all and why is Tarkin not in any of the prequels how does he become Vader's boss

like what fucking what is his story and why is the emperor not in this movie He's introduced later He's mentioned a couple times He's mentioned yeah he dissolves the Senate But well I think that's sort of like a They're working up like oh who's this emperor

Yeah I mean I honestly feel like And there's all the apocryphal stuff about George Lucas is 50,000 drafts And he had all three in one book and blah I really think he had one script That had a lot of stuff in it And on the back of that script it says Darth Vader is Luke's father

And that is really it You know I was just doing some thinking While you were talking and not listening to you Definitely don't do that Tarkin being a grandamoff and he's the boss of Vader in this film yet Grand Marf Gerard

I think his name is and Return of the Jedi the guy the guy that's like in charge of building the new death star Oh okay yeah I got his face He's talked down to nonstop

He doesn't Vader's army surpassed this At that point he has really taken He's a star now Vader is really a star Yeah you know I think what he did was After you know He redeemed himself

He's the last guy off the death star and the emperor is like, the fuck happened. And he's like, well, actually, what I told Grand Moff Tark, and I was like, this is a terrible idea. I mean, like, what we've got to do, going after these rebels, big mistake. This is a, we're going to expose ourselves massively. And I was like, that hole?

That hole, we got to plug that hole up. And Moff Tar was a no, no, no, no, no. So then, like, you got a huge promotion out of this. Alderan was totally his idea. Totally his idea. I have nothing to do with that. But, you know, what's funny is and I think this has handled extremely well,

in the new Marvel comic book lines they have Vader has to jump through all these hoops after the destruction of the first death star because it's like, what the fuck happened, dude? What the fuck? And the emperor makes him go on like all these fucking missions to kind of like redeem

himself. Gotcha. That makes sense. Yeah, because you'd be like, oh my God, we spent a billion dollars on that. Yeah, a billion space bucks, dude, look at this. And like a quarter of our military now, goodbye. I will say in the new canon, Grand Animal Thrawn, just says, he says it's a bad idea.

Oh, okay. Just letting everyone know. Okay, so he's the real smart one. Yeah, my favorite character is the smart one. So, uh, yeah, C3PO has the first lines in the movie where, you know, we, we have that, I mean, like, it's amazing that, that first, this movie is brutal. It is a star war, like, all through and through, all those bushy-eyed fucking rebels get cut, cut up in that, in the beginning and that opening sequence, it gets shot to death. That's mean.

How about in the next one, I replace it with, I don't know, maybe they shoot, raspberry jams or i don't mean you know maybe it's a food fight jam guns now i'm getting hungry what if they're like like a whoopee pie hits someone in the face how about this they're all prisoners but yeah all those dudes get murdered uh we do get the great uh if this is a council ship where as the ambassador and he breaks that dude's neck and i was wondering this time around watching this one

because he like wants that answer from that dude does he accidentally kill that guy he's like oh fuck he absolutely does and he's exactly the asshole who will not admit when he's done something stupid like that he's like where is the oh oh shit I fucking did it

there it was god damn robots yeah yeah yeah he was reaching for a blaster yeah yeah yeah well then he also says I think somebody I think actually Vader is like find the death star somebody says the death star plans and I'm like yeah dude don't say

dead star in front of all all these people that shit that's good point use some code words yeah find the plans for our tiny weapon but I guess they got

the communications jammed and they're going to execute every single person that's what everyone's essentially dead at that point it doesn't matter but it turns out guys

that the Death Star plans are not in the main computer what that's a weird Eric where are they I don't know but because you know I thought there would be no one to stop us this time but it looks like

someone might somebody could somebody could do it and this is all like the fucking escape pod R2 and 3PO is you know they get the plans into them right laya it's in R2 they get into the escape pod and just some dudes just like I don't want to he's like they're scanning oh there's there's there's no life forms on sign we just let let this escape pod leave dude how much is one laser blast cost of the entire exactly well that's exactly what I thought and I was like oh

there is some guy in the back there who's got like the fucking paper clip and like just turning the pages on us. He's like, you know what? You know what? Save it. Save it. You know, we went a little over last month. Well, the guy even says he's like, oh, probably just discharged it by accident. Imagine if they just shot it, though, there's no fucking Star Wars trilogy. And also like, you know droids exist. You could do all sorts of things with droids. They're not life they're like fucking people. They're like, how is they're not a fucking, there's like scanning for life signs, scanning for droid signs. Or even just the computer chips in there. You know, just laying, like the little computer chip is buckled into the seat and like, oh, someone on, someone on Tatooine will find it.

You don't have a camera in there? I mean, is it fucking serious? A Star Wars story about these dudes that let that go just being tortured in Imperial in prison, like at a black site for years, just them being tortured. Vader is coming in and he's standing like 50 feet away from them and mentally pulling their fingernails out. You know what it was They were like, okay, yeah, you sons of bitches You fucked up You were gonna be on the Death Star

But now you're not, you're getting exiled To Best Bin And they're like, oh man, what a shitty assignment though Wait, what happened to the Dead Star? Fucking bonus bitch Fucking nailed it Yeah, yeah disgrace my ass It's so weird I was realizing

All the times I caught this on TV and stuff like that I always came in with them in the desert. Yeah. For whatever reason, just like when I was tuning in, it was like them in the desert. So like in my mind, remembering most of my time is watching this movie, this movie starts with two droids on like a big fucking sand.

Yeah, because they added it all after Rogue One. You were right. You were right to remember. That's where it started. But this like this desert though, man, this, the dialogue here. Oh, I love it. C-3PO is such a braddy fucking bitch to this poor little disabled robot.

One of my favorite 3PO lines is how he's, we're made to suffer. It's a lot in life. Yeah. I dig 3PO because he's, he is depressed. He's depressed little bitch. I relate so much to it.

I mean, I feel like this, you know, the idea is, and again, like if you take the whole canon that was written after the fact, uh,

that they're best buds forever, but I think this is like a holiday party gone wrong. These are the last two guys that they're like, co-workers, they're friends. They know each other. It's like, oh, you want to go to one more bar and then shit gets out of control. And now it's like the, it's like Mikey and Nicky, the Elaine May movie.

Exactly. Now we're just three P.O and these two guys are just stuck together. I don't like this fucking guy. I don't like you either, asshole. This stinks of sideways, like first year roommate, but the one kept in contact with the other one consistently. And then he's like, oh, we're the oldest friends. I just fucking know you, man. Yeah, totally.

Just because I've known you for a number of years doesn't mean we're old friends. there's another there is a legitimately great 3PO line here and like without the existence of those prequels it leaves stuff to the imagination but alas no more when he says to art he's walking away giving the finger and he says to art two no more adventures yeah and i was like oh wow like what does that conjure up like where have these droids been the droids cartoon i think came from that line yeah and it makes sense for it to be canon there too also because they don't know really anything about this captain and tillies when they bring them up later they're just like, oh, I would, but we wouldn't know much about that. Yeah. So the idea that they're just like happened upon the rebellion instead of being like birthed in it forever. Oh yeah, these

guys make sense. They've seen some shit. Yeah, like when only this movie existed, you know, they never attended Darth Vader's wedding. They just got wrapped up and they got on the wrong fucking airplane and it got fucking hijacked. And then they found

themselves in a fucking rebel encampment. And then they were just like, all right, we just fucking go with it, dude. They were picked up by the right junk traders. And just because this episode's going to be four hours long, I do, I do want to go back for one second. The first kill, first rebel kill of a stormtrooper, to my knowledge, done by Princess Leia. Yeah. So, you know, it's amazing how she's an active character like that. Everything that people hate about Ray and Gin Oursau is displayed in Princess Leia.

It's amazing that certain men don't understand why women have loved Star Wars from the beginning. It's a movie. This movie is about two sexy dudes fighting over a competent, funny, and likable princess. That's what the movie is. Everything else is window dressing. She handles her own better than them in combat situations. She does that. She's the one that like, I lost my train of thought, but she's an active character.

She's funny. She's intelligent. Yes. She's strong. She's competent. And in one scene, she's trying on a British accent. Yes. When she is talking to Peter Cushing, all of a sudden, Leia has an English accent. And it's not found in any other moment of Princess Leia. I read that this morning that she admits to that. Oh, is that right? But she was like just like hanging out with fucking Peter Cushing all day. Fuck, that had to been pretty cool. And like she was just sort of like into it. And like she just kind of like accidentally started doing. doing it, I guess. And, like, Lucas didn't give a shit

because he's just, like, looking at all the lights and the gleeve-glops and making sure. And that's the fucking sign of, like, sure, dude, you wrote this great thing and you have this great artistic vision. You're a terrible director. Yeah.

Because you need to be, like, Carrie, that was awesome. But can you stop mimicking Peter Cushing and just do that again? Like, you've been speaking for the rest of this movie. And again, all of it's apocryful. Like, nobody knows what actually happened

on the set. But the thing was he... Nobody knows. Nobody knows. Apparently, like, Hamel, Fisher, and Ford, like, A, improvised a ton of their own dialogue because, like, they found it so stiff

and B, like, the only direction he would give them is, like, faster or more intense. Better. Could you do it better? Could you... And this time, try doing it again. Yeah, I think that was it. I think there was a lot of against. Carrie, stop looking at my neck, please.

And I know it's sumptuous. Just stop looking at my neck. It wasn't in full bloom yet. Yeah, no way. He's a rail thin. He's doing fucking... He's doing rails. Like, actual rails, I mean, definitely. I'm eating actual railroad rails. But I think Lucas is the kind of guy that's like, oh, the mythology and like, oh, my God, does that robot look good? And then people are talking and he's like, that's great.

You know what I mean? Like, you're actors, you got that part. I just want to make sure that the robot, is that robot shiny enough? Okay, good. Is this one dirty enough? Perfect. So, yes, they split up. Ootini.

Yeah, the Jawa's. Artu goes the other way. And it looks like the hills have I kind of country. Big time, dude. Oh, absolutely. I have them all in my head all these little Jahuas they all have different names of

Yeah yeah exactly Here comes fucking Jupiter Jawa and fucking Neptune Jawa No no no Corrilla Jawa Alderan Jawa Dantuan Jawa I got a question about these Jowas

A they're awesome they're great But B like how are they procuring most of their robots Are they are there this many robots Wandering the Desert are they like Are these guys doing B&E's and getting robots They all talk down to the Kessel Jawa, and he's the one who goes out and goes robot hunting, I think. I think what happens is, dude, they sell these, they, this is, this is slavery, by the way.

Oh, for sure. Absolutely. But the robots and it doesn't matter. And Uncle Owen is partaking in a slave trade, and Luke is going along with it without bad an eye that speaks volumes. But I think what happens is the Jawa is later than kidnapped these robots back. Oh, nice. So now, like, the next guy over, the next farm over is going to buy the same ones after these. It's a big fucking scam. And that's why Uncle Owen's gotten in so many fights with his neighbors because he's like, hey, that's my droid.

You stole it from me in the night. And he's like, no, I bought this off this fucking Jawa, dude. And also, it makes no sense that human slavery would exist in a world with droids. So I'm sorry. Yeah, that's true. Not to bring up the prequels. But Steve, to this, to your point, let me just qualify it with this answer. Utini.

Oh, my gosh. Utini is a great word It's so awesome You could like use it For so many things Like just like your tone And the inflection of you Utini

Oh it's great Now like human slavery I've been saying utini for 25 years I'll be honest More than that 30 years I've been saying Utini Because slavery still exists

On this planet Sure I mean somewhere right Yeah Despite technological advances But you'd think In a in a government system I know this is an outlying territory

an outer rim territory that, you know, doesn't have a lot of crossover with the Empire or the Republic or anything like that. But you'd think that there would be stopped or there would be it would have to be a planet that didn't have this many fucking droids, I guess.

To have human slavery. I could see human slavery happening. Yeah, on certain planets. But yeah, if there's droids walking around doing work, they do the work. They're the lower class. Like at least the little computers that like look like the carpet vacuum

robots those little mouse bot dudes on the Death Star yeah like you should have at least those in those territories

I'd feel I do I do love that R2 is captured and C3bio is so fucking stupid he's like hey

hey over here I'm not captured yet exactly you fucking asshole I want to be in slavery too

so here we're introduced to the garbage can droid which I think his name is Gronk I think so. I don't know. How many book lines are about this guy?

I don't think any. Gronk doesn't have a book line. I think he's brought up. I think he might be in one of the tales books. In which one does he meet Tom Brady? Well done. That dude is a large garbage can. He's about his fucking smartest one too.

I do love the beginning of this scene on the sand crawler, which is the Jalous Transport. word. Art 2 has got like this like it's like a a wool, a steel wool like a scrubber on his head like just random detritus. It looks like he's wearing a toupee in the beginning of the scene

which I got along. Like maybe I never thought of it. Maybe the Jowers is just like, I don't know, this is kind of an ugly robot. What do I mean put that wig on? Dude, you're just dressing up these robots like you put a trench coat on him? Well yeah, no, if something's like a lot of like problems with it

like it's like all fucked up like put it Put a shirt on that robot. Put a wing on that one. A sharp vest will cover things up nicely. That's actually, you know. No, no, that robot never had legs. He doesn't need legs. Well, yeah, why aren't these droids?

The droids should wear clothes or we should see some droid that's like trying to fit in or whatever. Yeah, just wearing a hat. Yeah. Like a cape. Oh, General Grievous in the prequels. Although, fuck, he's part biological. But he's got a lot of robot parts and he wears a cape. I do love the silver one with the bug eyes.

looks cool. He looks really sharp. That dude always freaked me out though because that's like it it's too humanoid looking. Yes. Like 3PO kind of droids like look humanoid enough sure but like this guy Oh he's got a mouth on him. But this guy

there's something about it. It always freaked me out like it was a little too shiny and it looked a little too much like a person in a Halloween costume. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I buy that. So we get to uncle, we finally meet Luke Skywalker. Luke Stark. killer in the earlier versions of this. Oh, fuck. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Wow. Turned out to be comes up as a base in Star Wars. Fuck, what's the secret? I guess it would be six. It would be six, yeah. Okay, right, but seven for everyone else. Seven for the real people.

I would have family name, by the way, the Star Killers. Merry Christmas. Happy Life Day from the Star Killer. I think that's why Star Killer was a bit harsh. Yeah. Yeah, we remixed our movies audio at Star Killer Sound Studios. And I now pronounce you. Mr. and Mrs. Star Killer. Like, how, that, what a dumb thing. Like, that's a villain's name. Yes. I just realized it would be four in your thing.

Oh, in my parli. It would be four in your thing. It's seven in the actual chronology. So, uh, the, um, and speaking of trying on some British accents, uh, Mark, I was like, don't think we'll have much of a choice, but I'll remind him. And I'm like, wait, what? Again, just be like, no, Mark, just talk like yourself, man. It's cool.

You're American in this movie. And the Owen Lars, who's the actor who's the actor who plays? plays Owen here? Some dude. Some dude. And Peru, who was actually dubbed as well because she probably was too British sounding. Well, see, that's the thing is, this is why everyone else

is trying to sound British. Yes. Because, I mean, you're in England for months. Exactly. And every other actor is British. Probably almost all of them. Right? All the imperial guys. And then all those dudes definitely. You're supposed to be raised by Lars and Baru, who apparently on the set are, you know,

cockney chimney sweeps. So you might want to adjust be like, wouldn't it be more believable if I had some type of accent? And then again, Lucas is like, yeah, faster again there, Hamel. Good job. Just do a little faster, buddy. Got to get to that robot, a little faster. It's kind of amazing that this movie's great.

The accent slows you down. That's what you got to realize. So we go to this slave auction, this droid auction. I do love, Lars goes up to C3PO. Oh, you mean C3Pos? job interview. This is one of the funniest fucking scenes. He's like, oh, you're probably

he fucking tricks the shit out of him. He's like, oh, you're probably trained in etiquette and protocol, right? He's like, oh, yes, of course I am. He's like, yeah, I don't need that shit. Next. It's awesome. He goes, he goes, all right, shut up. I'll take this one. He points to Artoons Day. That's such a piece of shit thing to do.

Like, he goes back to Bruy, guess what I did today? I beat a robot at Smarty Smart. Honey, I insulted a droid at work today. It was Awesome. Baru tells him, like, they need one that knows Bashi. It's Bashi or bust for this couple.

And it turns out that 3PO does, and he's, you know, moisture farmer needs what was vaporizers or something? Yeah, but, you know, 3PO only was, moisture evaporators. Moister evaporators, but 3B0 was only trained on like binary load lifters, but thank God that's similar enough. Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. Well, but, but.

It's like Italian in Spanish. it's like it's close. Yeah, totally. No, but it's the saving grace is the botchick. Yeah. You need the botch. Yeah, that's what it is because like literally they've got this fucking coffee machine, this blue milk machine is spread out green milk, red milk.

Somebody needs to speak botching in this fucking thing. Why don't it just have buttons? Why you got to fucking talk to everything? Everything's like it's literally like the Flintstones. Everything's got a personality. This is where we're going with the fucking Siri and Alexis. Oh, yeah, man. Alexa.

Yeah. So it's like, oh, this is where we're going, dudes. That's, soon enough, that's going to be a fucking walking garbage can in your house. But my Alexa at least speaks the language I do. I don't need to speak fucking Urdu to it. Everyone speaks galactic, basic, dude. Yeah, but once Alexa takes over, like, everything in your house, it's going to have to talk to your Syria eventually.

And in that situation, has to talk a different company. Totally right. And look at this. I mean, you know, you're going to, soon as. enough. We're going to be flying to the moon and Mars and places like that and you're going to bring your little buddy with you, you know? You can't function without

it anymore. You've been too long. And so then it's going to have to talk to the Martians. And 3PO is not actively reporting to the NSA which is important. Not that we know of anyone. Right. Well, yeah. So he picks this red one

instead of R2D2. Red 2D2. There's an actual name I forget. And there's, again, there's another I think a five is involved. If this. Fiverr, a fiver, I think, is involved in that joy's name.

If this red guy doesn't blow up because somebody fucking stuck a firecracker in his ass. Right. C3P is just a moisture farmer. Him and Luke are just growing old together on fucking tattooing. Yeah, right. Fuck.

It's like craps last take. But see, R2 from the get-go, he's planning and this escape. You know, he's always going to get out. Oh, you think he sabotaged that red fucker? That's what I always thought. Yeah, dude. his little fucking like R2

Wiener came out and it had like a little firecracker and he fucking shoved it up this other one's ass. He was like, oh man, good luck on your job interview and the guy's oh thank you and it's like you put a bomb in him. Let me give you a little power boost. Just and still still still still so

I'm like Dave Chappelle steals all the change from the homeless man when he pretend he's giving it. Thank you because he sized up this red guy's like that guy's a little more advanced than I am he's probably going to get picked. Hey buddy come here real quick. Let me just fix your tie real quick.

There you go. Now you're looking. Now you're dressed for success robot. Just let me put a skyrocket here in your hair. And that is totally in line with his character portrayal in the prequels who's constantly fucking shit up for everyone. Yeah, he's a little stinker in those prequels. It's kind of the only watchable part of those movies.

He's like the noid of Star Wars. Wow, noid droids, dude. Look out for those obnoxious little guys. I love Owen Lars's delivery of, What the hell you're trying to push on us? When that thing blows up. Can you imagine... Like, can you just imagine

trying to deal with this guy in a customer service situation? Oh, absolutely. It just, he's one of these impossible people where nothing is ever satisfying him. It doesn't help that the word Jawa also sounds like a slur for the Jawa people. Yes, exactly.

Yeah. So we bought it from some Jawa. Yeah, I'm sure Jaws are called something else in their own parlance. Right. Look that fucking Jawa over there. Just like sand people. Oh.

That is 110% of it. slur that it can't not be because they're they're also identified as tuscan raiders because and that sounds like you know a proud thing yes is it so hard to say tuscans is it just so hard to just so hard to say that oh no i can't say sad people no more having the fuck forbid owen law is an emperor in their 60s they're watching tuscan or uh uh uh most icely fucking fox news oh i think they say tuscan on jawa porn oh my god I mean, Baru, let's experiment a little. Let's spice it up.

They're also watching that while watching, like, the space Fox News at the same time. Oh, I like this little, this one with the little Jawa is at home, and then this Tuscan Rader comes in. Oh, look, this little Jawa just thinks it's going to be inside studying all day. But then this Tuscan Rader comes over because he's got to fix her pool. Do you see that Jawa in the corner there? That's her husband, dude. Dude is watching a Tusk and fuck his wife, man. They're watching Fox News on the thing.

And it says entitlement galaxy. And there's a wookie hand coming out from the galaxy's picture. Up next on Star Wars Fox News, beware the caravan. A caravan of courage, dude. A bunch of Ewarks. They're storming the border. A Jawa welfare nation. I just remember what back with this galaxy was all white people, Baru.

That's what it was. Thank God we are gassing those Ewok children at the border. That's all I got to say. They're bringing drugs. What the hell of those wookies complaining about being enslaved to build a death star? Who cares? They're getting three hats and a cot. You know, I met an alien, a fucking green alien to name, Baru, named Greedo.

I mean, could you imagine a more appropriate name for a green-blooded piece of shit, Baru? She's just like, oh, God. What exactly have the werewolves given us? that's what I want to know what have they given to our culture I wish I was the one going to pick up those power converters at Tashi Station

oh god every day with her her life is living hell oh dude it's surprising she she sees the fucking flames coming from these stormtroopers right and she's like thank you please make me a fucking

crispy critter right now I'm gonna tell you the emperor he's strong he's a great public speaker. He made a lot of money at real estate. Yeah, maybe he's just going to shake things up. Maybe he maybe stiffed some of those tuskins, you know,

on the contracting bids, but you know what? He got things done. He just seen a bid to the emperor to like build one of his buildings and it's like rejected and there's just a little tea on it. It's been a while since I saw Revenge of the Sith,

but Owen knows that, The baby is Vader's. Yes. Yeah, he's hip to it all. Because Obi-Wan drops the baby off. Yeah. Right. And then Obi-Wan stays like too close to comfort for them. It just, I mean, this whole thing doesn't, I mean,

like, and again, like, prequel this and that, like the story as told by Obi-Wan in this movie makes so much more sense. Yeah. That Owen and Anakin grew up together. Right. As on this farm and the war starred and Anakin went off and Owen stayed. That's why Owen's like this reactionary piece of shit. Right.

And then shit went bad for Anakin. So then that, what do you call there? Confirms Owens bias to stay on the farm. That's like relatable. That's like a story that makes sense. It is relatable. That's like a great war or World War II movie where you're like, you know, they're two brothers.

You're living on a farm. And like shit happens and God knows where has nothing to do with me. Yet my family's wrapped up in it. And now that is our narrative for the rest of time. Exactly. That's a story that I'd watch. I would watch that movie where they grow up together Instead of like this weird fucking A, she's a slave

And then he, her, his dad buys her And they're like half brothers that never really met at all Doesn't even make sense. It just doesn't. It just doesn't hold the guy. Yeah, but like, yeah, I would watch the Owen Owen and Anakin like movie. I would watch that movie.

That'd be a pretty good movie. And then Peru's hanging out. Like there's a little something going on between Anakin and Peru. I know that you gave Anakin a handjob in the moisture barn. God damn it. After the moisture dance we had, you guys went off together. I know what happened. It doesn't take that long to milk a blue cow.

You're milk and Anakin. At the space sock hop. Sorry I didn't have a little ponytail back then, like a little fairy. There I shed it. Wow, he's a monster. So they buy these two robots and take them home. There is a great thing I just thought of for the first time ever rewatching it. yesterday there's a shot of like

Luke Owen and 3PO and R2D2 approaching their little hovel right and there's clearly like steps down and we have a classic Star Wars space wipe before we see just how it was R2D2 got down these stairs two ways ramp or a C3PO has to lift him and take him down or he just comically fell over yeah he does that kick him a little bit there you go

but this fucking hovel is not R2 2D2 accessible I found that offensive He'd have to get like little to Does he have like little rockets That he can rock out? Well that's the thing in the prequals We know now

The prequels he is shown to have rockets But also I don't think you can launch off those rockets Just to get down a couple of stairs Yeah that's excessive Well it's weird it just doesn't use those at all apparently Even though you would use them a lot There were a lot of scenarios he could have used them Yeah

About this entire fucking movie Like like when they're When they're in the net in fuck He uses that saw though Yeah that saw is pretty great Yeah, that is, never mind. I retract that. That saw is fantastic.

So C3Pio gets an oil bath, which is going to feel so good. He thanks the maker, which is Anakin Skywalker, as we all know. Right. Anakin is God. Confirmed.

And, you know, we get to meet Luke here. Apparently there was, which I don't think they've been released. I think they're actually on your Blu-ray set. Deleted scenes of Luke hanging out with his friends. That was supposed to intercut with the beginning of the film.

Oh, is that right? Yeah. He's a biggest dark lighter, which it sounded. like he was a farmhand working with Owen and Peru because he's mentioned in this scenario about he had left after the last harvest or whatever. And now Luke is going to be forced to stay there

and he can't even go to Tossi Station to buy power converters. Now, is he actually buying power converters or is he like smoking cigarettes at the arcade? Yep, that's what it is. I think. Yeah, right? Mischief. Because that's, Owen reacts like, oh yeah, you're going to go fuck off with your friends a little bit.

And I'm like, buying power converter? What bunch of nerds? What are they doing? That's what you call it E-Sig back then. Oh. They're just vaping, dude. Yeah, that's badass. Dude, that would be awesome.

Luke Skywalker and all his buddies just sitting around like the town square just vaping. It makes sense. They've all got jewels. Well, here's the thing, though, right? Because he's destined,

until Obi-Wan comes into his life, he's destined to be a fucking dirty, rotten townie. Yeah. And that's the thing, too. So we get to the dinner scene. the famous dinner scene, the blue, what I call the blue milk scene, which I love. Well, the scene that has

one of my favorite Star Wars lines of all time. Oh, please. I think I know what it is. That wizard's just a crazy old man. But it's a wizard. That is, this is when Owen is doing a terrible job of not enticing a Luke to go there because he's like, you know, that, that wizard's got

nothing for you. Like, hold on, that dude's a wizard. Hold on. What? Confirming that is insane. It also blows his potential cover. Yeah. for that guy he could bend reality to his will why would you ever want to do something like that oh and by the way he knew your dad but you know your dad that you don't know anything about blah blah blah this is my question though actually because

what eric just said sort of sparked this is owen is he like han solo in that he doesn't believe in the force or does he acknowledge that the force is an actual thing he would have to right because he met you he knows obi wan but that doesn't mean that obi wan was fucking moving things around and whatnot. I think it's but I even think even Han Solo kind of alludes to this

there is a sect of people even like this dude that the dude that gets killed at the border room scene that like believe that these people have like weirdo abilities but it's not like that means anything you know what I mean it's like the parlor tricks so you know it would make so much sense if the

cold cold horse the clone wars took place longer ago than they're shown in the prequels because why like Jedi were fucking ever present in that prior government. Everyone would know all about them. And now everyone asks like, what is that?

Oh, yeah, I've heard about that once. Yeah, it's like 20 years ago. It's not even a thing. That's like I was acting like Vietnam didn't happen or something. Like, what is that? What's, yeah, exactly. It doesn't make any sense. So he's like, ah, you don't want to go see that wizard.

He'd do your dad. And actually, I think he's got a large sum of money for you. But you don't want to go. Don't go out there. Stay here on my moisture farm and fucking dirt. There is actually a pretty good recent Marvel, like single issue. comic on the Star Wars main line of Obi-Wan Kenobi

on Tatooine. Oh, that's cool. And it's like, Luke is like growing up there and getting into trouble and like... Oh, and Obi-Wan spying on him? Yes, and like intervenes when it gets too hairy. Like the kid almost like died with some street punks or something. He's just like fucking laying out people laying out

Tuscan Raiders and shit. And then like Uncle Owen has a talking to him about like, yeah, you like blames it on Obi-Wan. Like, yeah, you always seem to get into trouble. Don't you, Obi-Wan? It's like Rumblefish?

Yes. Yes. That stands to reason. How are they drawing Obi-Wan in this comic? It's more... I think I remember being more in line with a younger Alec Guinness than you and McGregor. That's interesting.

Was that an Alec Guinness impression? Oh. They drew it like me. Oh, he's just got a historical and frankly awesome weapon for you. You do not have to see him. Trust me. I do wonder what Obi-Wan's game is here

because, like, this all falls into Obi-Wan's lap. Like, he's not courting Luke for anything. Like, Luke is going to go, best-case scenario for Obi-Wan, as Luke stays on the farm and does nothing. Worst-case scenario, he gets himself fucking killed in this rebellion without actually ever learning anything. He's just like, oh, hello there. Oh, cool.

Yeah, well, since you're here, I'll tell you about your dad. I think it's a thing where he's just always prepared himself for like someday this day will come. Yeah. I'm going to have to do all of this. One day an old man is going to come up to me and, uh, right, exactly. Uh, but so the, uh, so we move on sort of, uh, fucking threePO is a classic turn. Like, he is a fucking company man through and through the second he gets in the, in the employ of Owen Lars. It is Owen Lars.

It's master Luke this, master Luke that fucking R2D2 goes off. few rats about in a fucking second that little piece of shit got out of here you should kill him dude no you should kill him he is a survivor man say what you want he is a survivor that's why I love R2 man because it's like you know what fuck you golden robot

you're mean to me constantly I'm leaving you in the middle of the night but also there is the restraining bolt with that that C3BU has that R2 doesn't because he takes it off to play back the entire message which is the thing that he removes the restraining

but which allows him to leave. See, this is our, yeah, R2 is just a genius because he's just like, well, yeah, maybe if you remove the thing keeping me a slave, I can play back the entire message.

Okay, yeah, let's do that. I got all sorts of cool porn on here. What do you want to want? Right when the restraining bowl comes off, R2D2 instantly, what message? Yeah.

It's fucking killer, man. It's fucking killer. Oh, I love it. Yeah, she gets naked on the next one. Oh, really? Yeah, I mean, if you took off the restraining ball, there's all sorts of cool stuff going on.

Yeah, you could be masturbating to your assistant. in no time. Where'd he go? I gotta go see an old man. Leave me alone. People jerking off in front of droids in this. Oh, definitely. Absolutely. Because they're like, I'm not saying like fucking, yeah. No, no, exactly. In the room. Right. There is, no. It's like, you know, you're,

you're getting down while you're fucking dog sleeping on the foot of the bed. Wouldn't you need the Android? Which I do not do, by the way. Yeah. Sounds a little familiar. Okay. Wouldn't you need the Android to stream and project? like your pornography

so like you would have to be when you said stream and project I thought you meant like their oil a little bit they're getting in on it all right master Luke one more time spray you down

looks like you need some lube master just fucking KY's the whole R2 T2 sticks up that up his ass right before he shoots Oh god just this cold golden finger Oh Androids and Tuscan Raiders

Together Oh yes Think about the point horn that is in Star Wars. Oh, my God. Endless. Yes. A universe unto itself.

That's what everyone is banned, I bet. Some of it's definitely banned. That's what everyone in the canteena is talking about. Everyone's, they're only talking about pornography. Yeah, they'll just like, did you see one of mine fucked one of theirs? Do you see that one of that guy? He fucked one of them. You see that one, that one was crazy.

It was like four hours long. And then you get into questions. Are they birthing cross species? I probably can't. I don't think so. No. Or maybe like a mule. I mean, you would know there's a, you would know

in all the extended whatever, nobody's a havesy, right? Right. Yeah, there's no one who's like a half-grito. I guess you just get your rocks. I mean, it's the, it's like the safest set. That's why it's great because then nobody's wrapping it up. So like a Bosch couldn't fuck a Jabba. I think they could, but then they couldn't. But they couldn't birth. They couldn't have right. A Bosch Jabba. A Bosch job.

Right. Yeah. Although the language Bosch, he's mentioned quite a bit. I still don't know what they look like. They look like, it's like a dude. He's like a blonde hair. He's kind of bald. He's got a mustache. He's a detective in the New York Police Department.

Oh, I'm thinking of Chud. Excuse me. Yeah, that's different. Oh, right. Bosch. Detective Bosch. For a second, I think you were talking about me. And I'm like, I'm not going bald.

Well, no, it's a guy. It's a gruff detective with a chop top and icy blue stare streaming on Amazon. No, that's the, uh, it's a planet of Titus Wellevers. and it will truly be a planet of Bosch So there you go

Welcome back to Planet of Bosch We get our last Ant Peru and Uncle Owen scene Amperu is making some fucking Vegetable smoothie First of all question Is everyone a vegetarian Because you don't ever see anyone

Actually eat meat It's always weird power bar situations I think it's a thing where like our Like protein Like replacement supplements sure are so far along like you can eat this fucking gray blue cube and it tastes just like a fucking bantha steak you know what I mean but the empire definitely still eat oh yeah oh they're like Fred Flintstone the emperor is eating gritos he's like he's so decadent and fucking macab

well dude and you know you know when you're boiling a grito you know how you know it's done right because it turns from green to red and you just get a little like butter oh that's delicious dip that grito and like make sure you get like the grito fingers dude um like suck the meat out of them is a man not a race he's an individual no he's grito the grito they're rodents what we have here rodents yeah we should learn the language the rodents rodents rodents yeah from rhodia yeah i believe so i might be pronouncing it wrong but utu gutu right everybody what we have here is The grilled batha heart slice with space butter drizzled over it. Weird eats with Andrew Zimmer.

You want to go to a Tatooine farm to table restaurant where you get, it's like you get some nice, it's like the puffed moisture and then the bantas thing. Free range bath is in the back. They've got like a lot of land. Definitely nothing but the bath. Suvi Jawa brains. And this is an interesting new take on sand we've developed. Anakin Skywalker, I hate sand.

What we do is we slice the space snake across and chop it up. The space snake. I want snakes flying through space. So it's like, okay, we got to avoid the fucking asteroids. And oh, fuck, I hit a snake on my giant space snake. Did you hear that Biggs brought his girlfriend for their anniversary and they ate Wampa? Like, aren't those like rats? No, but they're delicious apparently at this one restaurant.

Well, what they do is they like force? feed the wampas and then they take their liver and they slice it it's really fucking gross man but it's delicious and I know it's unbelievable it's not it's not great it's not great but it is delicious I need to take a look at the menu

of the mosaise the canteen oh my god like what's the pub snacks situation wampa fingers you think or like uh well you know I think it would cost too much to import that from Hawth oh yeah especially since that's not really uh obviously it's not under government control right now

Side note, on Tatooine, as we know, in Return of the Jedi, there is just an enormous living pit that it takes thousands of years to digest people. How are you not talking about that all of the time? Literally, like, my mom and Lars, like, yeah, oh, yeah, it's just, your dad, he died in the, no, big old pit there. Yeah, that's where your dad is. You're being ruled over partially by a race of space slugs. You've got a lot to think about it.

I don't know if you're not a dinner table conversation. Thinking about the pit. So we... How do they know, by the way, that that takes a thousand years to digest? That's bullshit. Well, they've got like... They don't know how it shits.

So it's like, yeah, it's still digesting. It comes out the other end of the planet. It just fucking comes out as an asteroid. Well, yeah, in the cities, they still do have scientists and they are still interested in shit like that. Yeah, I mean, they could know. I mean, because if you think about our life on Earth,

we've been here for over a thousand years, and we know how all these, all the gleep, we coexist with function, presumably. That's true. Yeah, I guess there is scientific research happening. I think the thousands, you might be right that it's like, it's like 40 days and 40 nights in the Bible. It just means a lot.

Yeah, it takes a long time. It doesn't mean a fucking thing. And you also, all the wrench empire guys, remember, not all their sons are becoming like military men like Bader. A lot of them are failed sons. Yeah. And they're just like doing shit like that. Right. Podcasting.

Yes. So we go to. we go to find 3PO he is they find 3PO he's close I'm sorry they find D2

yeah R2D2 and he's very close to I go by D2 these days kind of stop with the R2 I'm now I'm now D2 just you know Yeah they're looking for him This is one of the weirdest parts in this movie

Sure is like shit starts coming down All these javas are like get like closing in or this is Tuscan Raiders, pardon me. They're all closing in here. Luke is like attacked by these things. And then what scares them off is Obi-1 Canobi making the weirdest fucking noise of human beings.

That's the first Jedi skill you see is fucking parlor tricks, animal noises. Right, which you've had a weirder version than we had. Is that right? Because they've changed it like three or four times. But it is supposed to be mimicking. What is yours? It's just a fucking Tarzan yell.

You imagine a bunch of Tusken Raiders are descending on Luke Skywalker. It's a Wilhelm. It's the first use of the Wilhelm's screen. It is a little more guttural than what you saw. What you saw was more of a, was definitely weirder. This you could almost conceive coming out of a human,

but not quite. Yeah, exactly. And apparently it's supposed to be an impression of a local dragon, which is, I forget the first thing is like create dragon or something. I'm sure I'm pronouncing it wrong, but it is the skeleton we see in the film on Tatooine that there's a giant, like, beast skeleton with a huge long neck.

So I guess it's sort of like a dinosaur. And I think that a dragon would sound a little something like this. Well, you know, Ben, thank you so much for giving us my nephew here. He's working out great. Why do you come over for dinner with it? Well, thank you very much. Conversations stalling a bit. Have you ever heard a dragon that,

Might have been Get this guy Get this old fucking wizard Out of here I don't know what this guy Wizard is doesn't mean wizard It means like asshole Yeah totally

But by the way Speaking of Obi-1 I almost forget I didn't want to lose This thread that I just remembered Fucking 34 years old Like Ewan McGregor was When he goes down

To live there And he's just hanging out How old does get us In this like late 60s? I could do some math Yeah I'd say somewhere In his 60s I'd bet There's a weird

thing here where Luke is talking to him and they're going over the whole like Obi-Wan v. Ben Kenobi situation and correct me if I'm wrong here but Obi-Wan definitely says right here that he hasn't gone by Obi-Wan since before Luke was born

that's not true. I haven't heard that name in a long time. 63 was just trying to dog tooth this kid feed him a bunch of fucking fake shit or whatever keep him isolated. But yeah I mean McGregor is what like 30-some thing. And then Luke is 17. So how does that shit work? Yeah. The ravages of time. I've been smoking meth all this time. There's nothing to do on Tatooine. I've been smoking meth.

Maybe he started eating some of these javas and that's what happens when you eat a jawa. Oh, it makes you go crazy. Yeah, you go fucking crazy dude. He ages you. He's for sure been eating the dragons. That's how he's heard all their screams and modes. Oh, I love it when you scream. Scream. Is it eating them alive? Scream. Chews into them. It's like Hannibal.

He's like got them tied to a chair and he's cutting their brain open. What I love about this, more so than any of the other Star Wars movies, is no one can, no one can agree on a pronunciation. It's Alderan, Alderan. Oh, sure.

Alderan. You know what I mean? Everyone is just like reading this nonsense script and doing their best. He's like, Obiwan, Canobi. It's just like, well, I'm from Carillionia and we pronounce it Alderan.

so yeah they get to talking this is when we hear about the clone wars which I actually found out for my wife she always thought the clone which sounds pretty good

is that the clone wars was supposed to be where everybody had to fight their own clone which would be kind of a cool movie that would be awesome amazing guaranteed my clone would defeat me like they just like copy

all the planets over yeah now you have to like do the one or whatever like kill yourself kill the other you exactly body snatchers You don't know who's a clone. You don't know who's not a clone. Like a planet of six days.

Oh, shit. Yes, he's inside in my house eating my birthday cake. They, yeah, so they're getting to talking. He's like, oh, yeah, father. I thought my dad was a navigator on a spice frater. First of all, excellent cover story. Oh, yeah, dude. That's why you're away from home so much.

Yeah, because you're running drugs. Because spice is drugs. Oh, right. I forgot about that. Not like cooking spices, or is it? Edibles. And since they threw out the old canon, Disney has reintroduced spices being drugs. Is that right?

That's what they're kind of getting that solo, right? That whole like Crimson Dawn shit. Exactly. And there's a, God, why am I even, why am I talking? One of the aftermath novels, there's like an imperial dude who runs like a wookie imprisonment camp, and he's a spice addict. So you see how spice can go wrong.

And that's weird because that's the exact same thing that Dune is. Yes. O'Frank Herbert was not impressed with Star Wars. Dune was first, right? He almost sued. I mean, they were kind of tried to sue. It didn't work out. That's too bad.

Because there was a lot of, I mean, I haven't read Dune. Yeah, I'm going to read Dune. I say that every few years, I'm like, I'm going to read Dune. one day Frank Herbert's a lunatic but yeah pretty good book and they get to file R2D2 finally plays the whole message

and then like Obiwan Kenobi really fucking puts it on thick right now it's like you must learn the ways of the false if you're going to come with me to Aldron and it was like whoa whoa who said anything about fucking Aldrin dude I got a date at the arcade at fucking Tashi station dude well no the thing is like

Obi-1 would go by himself but he's been smoking spice and he's like wait this kid kind of and knows he's got like the inclination he could do it I got an extra fucking lightsaber you know let's do this I need I need someone running the getaway car or whatever

you can be my wheel man so they go they find the sand crawler it's been destroyed and this is when Luke is like oh my God if they found out they must have gone home he goes home well whoa whoa well well

this is where we get the line of like only imperial storm troopers are that precise are they what are you talking about Some of this stuff with Guinness, his performance, which is great in this movie, and I don't know if it's because he didn't like this movie, which is very famously, he didn't. Or if, like, he's playing Obi-Wan a little weird. Like, I feel like he's lying a lot.

Like, the way he's like, oh, and these marks here, only stormtroppers would be that. Like, I feel like he's, like, shining it on for him a little bit. But he's also presenting this vision of a government cover-up that's going on, which is, I appreciate it because he's like, oh, but, you know, sand people ride in single file to hire their numbers, like the Empire fucking doctored the scene to make it look like that sand people.

I hate saying that Tuscan Raiders fucking shot up this place, but they didn't. It's a fucking ruse. Hold on, hold on. Let me pull our R2 come here really quickly. I want to show you a video real quick. Sand people always go in single files. Info star dot dot. That's how they

hide their numbers. Why do you think they're spreading out so fair? That's how they get across the borders. Catch him in bed with the sand person. Yeah, yes. Before I went as Obi-1, I was known as Qanonan Canopy. Oh shit, too, Qaeda

Kenobi. Now you're going to want to buy our brain spice. We'll ship it right out to you. It'll get the worms out of your head, guarantee. Alex Jones is the only one in the galaxy who really knows what's going on, Luke. Luke, he will sell you

some Tuscan Denon. that will really triple in value, Luke. Luke, I'm telling you right now, just one line sniffed if a Tuscan Raiders husk and your dick will be hard for day. Luke, they're eating garbage. Everyone likes to talk down about Alex Jones just because his little space program is on YouTube.

And look, we all love chili. Do you not like chili? I love chili. Shit, dude, fucking Alex Jones's YouTube show in Star Wars is the titular Star Wars instead of Info Wars. Oh, my God, yes. I've been watching...

Alex Guinness is just watching Star Wars Smoking Spice. Eating Dragon Chili. Believe me, Luke, flying this flag is all about tradition. This, oh, no, this sand cruiser the sun crawler, it's a forest flag. Look at all these crisis actor Jawa's.

Look, I can just burn this Jawa right here. It's just a puppet. Luke, listen to me. There is a war on space Christmas. So, yes, he does. A war on Life Day, by the way. Please. Pardon me.

He goes back home and he sees fucking skeletons. Dude. Oh, yeah. I remember the first time I saw this. I don't know if I've ever actually told this. I just referenced what it is. The first time I ever saw Star Wars, my uncle showed it to me on VHS and we were watching it.

And I don't know. I was very. little so i don't know if he did this to like lighten the blow because i was a very little kid and here are these fucking burnt corpses which by the way in the blu-ray 1080p you see some gristle i'm shocked they kept that i'm shocked they kept them shot they didn't replace it it's incredible all the fat and skin is gone and yet the fires are still going so hot so i think just to like yeah like i said like lighten the the blow of seeing this imagery my uncle just yells out crispy critters

to like make a joke of it and I cannot ever watch this scene without in my head hearing him say that it's fucking I can't watch this movie without him saying that same I thought about it last dude I think I even replicated it I think I even turned my wife last night

and it was like crispy critter I love it it lives it lives forever and yeah so they're dead they come back and yes wait they're dead they come back No, Luke goes, Luke, sometimes Luke, dead is better. But, no, so they wind up,

Luke winds up going back to Obi-Wan, and fucking Obi-Wan is, like, I think, yeah, he's trying to dock, clean up the scene a little bit. He's fucking instructing C-3-2-O to burn the bodies. And I think if Luke hadn't come back right here and they just let this go longer,

he's burning that whole fucking sandcrawler. The whole thing is just being dismantled. Yes, we'll sell it all for scraps. R2 douse it with gasoline. Yes. And then his little fucking dick comes out spraying gasoline all over all the jowls. Hold on, Artu.

Let me just, let me touch you. Stuck in the middle with you. I love that this dry has a radio. So this launches the trip to Moss Isley. The wretched hide is scum and villainy. Really quick that we do cut back to what is then the Death Star

at some point where we get Vader interacting with Tarkin and I just wanted to I'm pointing this out because I'm stupid but there's a scene in this round table you know this is where we get the General Tatee or whatever talking shut up

The guy is choked. Yes General Taco? Oh shit General Taco that's a restaurant I want to open Wait is it a military general or you just you just have a regular like a standard taco? We sell general tacos. Yeah right. Just No, it's the scene where Darth Vader gets up and says, enthusiasm, enthusiasms,

enthusiasm. So in this boardroom scene, there is one guy wearing, it's not as white as Krennick wore it, but there is one guy in like an off white uniform tunic that is supposed to now represent the seat of the ISB, which

Krennick was a part of. So this is like the new guy that took over for Krennick. You're talking Ben Mendelssohn and Rogue One. I'm just trying to stay above water. Yes, Director Orson, Krennick. of Rogue One, and now he got replaced by like a yes man for Tarkin that that is now represented by this guy. And yeah.

But again, that's all. No, no, you're good. But this, this border seems amazing because it just shows Vader as one head of one department. Everybody else is on equal footing. Tarkin is the leader and everyone else is talking shit to Vader, not talking shit to Vader. And that's why like I feel to some degree, the rest of these dudes have to be like, you know what, Vader?

It's like business casual here. okay yeah we all have our little uniforms but you're coming in a fucking tuxedo every day and showing the rest of us up what is with this fucking outfit just put a uniform on like the fucking rest of us well then it gets really dark because that guy's like you're so imagine going like going to a christian co-worker who always comes in with a cross and always like say something very cheery about like well the lord works in mysterious ways your sad devotion to that ancient religion hasn't given you the

clairvoyance enough to conjure up the dead tapes. Fuck, you know what? We'd be so much for the better if you just said that to some people. We're like working in government. Dude, this guy's going to HR immediately there after. So, you know that Lord Vader is a practicing

Sith, right? And it's just not okay to call it a sad devotion to an ancient religion. Well, that's what it is. I mean, hey, am I wrong? Am I back me up here? You shouldn't talk to Mike Pence like that. force choked which is dope as shit

this is also the scene where we do get when it's starting Tarkin says that the the Senate was dissolved and now control has been handed over to the regional governors I want to see some regional governors let's see them

I want to see what that looks like Oh you better fucking watch rebels dudes Oh is that how that works Oh you got fucking regional governors out the ass On that show Well there's the governor of Lothal Is that their total title about is it regional

governor solarot what is that like a district manager of a wendy it's sort of it is it is who's in charge did you hear that insulted fucking snort that he just let out how dare you not know 17 books I guess the way to the way to contextualize

it is like someone like Tarkin's a grandmoth and he's like in charge of this battle station and the governor is in charge of a planet so I see so it's like you are like if there's an imperial garrison on a planet there is a governor who is just a dude in a uniform, not on an elected position that oversees the...

I imagine they're all corrupt as all hell. Sure. Like a governor Cuomo of the New York system. Who sold out to Bezos. Yes. We're going to bring a lot of jobs to New York. Amazon is going to be the ones to bring it to us. I really wish I could have just been in the mafia.

I had no choice. Amazon rived right before you. We're renaming the New York system, Delta City, everybody. Isn't that a better name for New York? I'm sorry, Delta City. We're going to start doing it right now. He's got a lot of gall trying to pull this off because New York is a core system.

So, most nicely, Spaceport, you'll never find a more wretched, have a scum and villainy. We do get the amazing Jedi mind trick. And I do want, I want the after scene where like, you know, it's like, these aren't the droids you're looking more blah, blah, blah. I mean, again, you close your, I don't need to watch this movie last night. I should have just got into a quiet room, closed my eyes and started to making notes. Right, just hit play in your brain.

But so I want afterwards and maybe, please stop me if this is a family guy bit because I didn't watch any of those things. It's just like they go off and then like the other guys like, Andy, what the fuck was that? I honestly think those were the doors we were looking for. Well, that was my question, watching it this time, because he does the, I mean, I love his little hand motion. Oh, sure. Like, he's fucking making a quarter dance on his fingers like Val Kilmer or something. But is he just doing it to that stormtrooper or is the whole circle of that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was really confused watching it last night thinking that.

It's just the one guy. It has to be the one guy. You're right. They would be like, Andy, dude, are you fucking kid? Here's the fucking poster, Andy. It looks like, it looked a lot like those guys. Tall gold one, short, silver, and fucking blue one. They don't care. They're just like, all right, commanding officer says, let him go.

Fuck, it's on him. And also get a toupee on that robot. First and foremost, that's the move. Yeah, you're right. Step one, get a dupeie on that robot. These aren't the droids we're looking here. Tom, Tom, Tom, yeah, it looks exactly like. No, sir, I'm going to talk to you now.

Those are the droids I'm looking for. Now, I've done this sometimes at work. Someone will say something completely false and wrong, and I'll just be like, let that come back to bite them. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. That's one of my favorite things to do. Right. Right. Because some of these other stormtroopers are probably like, I deserve to be the sand trooper commander. I want to wear the arm patch. God damn it. God, I love that arm patch. You ate my lunch. Let that come back to sting them later. Oh man, that guy, he's not, he's going to be the sucker

that's stuck on Tatuina. I'm going to get transferred to the Death Star. Primo, Dead Star duty, I mean, the Death Star has to be the best place to work at the time. I mean, the facility's brand new quarters, right? Totally. It's like that new Amazon. You know, there's a fucking bar there. Totally. Four full jobs that are just used when they actually have to shoot the weapon. And that's what's happening.

What? Maybe once every month tops. I hope not. My God, the genocide. The mass genocide. Well, they're trying to do that anyway, Steve. So we get to the, the canteen there, the bar. Can I just say, I'm sorry, there's one thing, please. So this scene where they're, like, making their way to the canteen. Sure.

This was one of the biggest, like, look at all these things they added. It looks terrible. Right? And it does look terrible. Like, give me just that fucking, the horrible shot of just the one little thing and the dude sitting on it and it's clearly a painting, like, way in the back. Yeah, exactly. They made them all move or whatever.

But there is one that is legitimately hilarious. It is a fucking Jawa trying to ride one of these things. And he falls off. but he's still swinging from a rope like trying to corral this huge animal that's fun I got a little bit of a laugh out of it I'm just saying I also mission accomplished I enjoyed my dusty shitty

shitty looking VHS that it's just all it's just beautiful it's exactly as it should be oh yeah the other thing I just to speak again to the work ethic of these fucking stormtroopers in the vein of these are not the droids you're looking for and the rest of them don't fucking say anything the part where they go to the door and the guy's

like oh this door is locked let's keep moving. What? Are you kidding me? Stormtrooper? They're hiding from you, man. They could have locked the door. You lazy fucking shit. Oh, well, server's down. Guess I'm going home for the afternoon. Oh, man. What a blessed day at work

that is when the email goes down. Well, the email's down. Well, so now that we're in the Mozazel the canteen guys. Right. And we've been talking for 80 minutes. This is a pay episode, baby. You are getting your $5 worth this month, my friend.

That's right. So I know on this show, you guys specifically, like to talk a lot about the wolfman in the bar. You love this guy. He's a werewolf in space. There are multiple werewolves. I think there's like three. Okay. So I have with me today, the Star Wars Essential Guide to Characters, the only detailed, illustrated, comprehensive guide to the major and minor characters of the Star Wars universe.

by Andy Mangel, Mangels, whatever. Mengel. Mangels? Mangles? Yeah, Joseph Mangala wrote this. When I saw this, this is my actual copy. I bought in like 96, 97, whenever the special editions came out. Sure.

Publishing 95. I'm going to take a sip of my beer because I'm going to read the entry for the titular Wolfman. I got to tell you, Eric, I don't have anything. He's not titular about it. I don't have any book that I've bought in the last five. years that looks as good as that just as FYI. Well, there

there's some fraying. Did you get it rebound at any? No, I did not, but there are some stainage in the back. I don't know what that is. Oh, I think you know what that is. That's when you get to the good parts. Droid residue. Now, the character's name

is Lack Sivrak. You see that, Chris? Oh, so he's Slovenian. There's a nice drawing of him. Oh, that's why we're well funny. That's a sexy doodle. And I'm going to read his bio. I think this is the one, this one that's sitting

at a table, and I think he's the one we see, like, laughing into his dreams. Like the, the, the, yes. There might be others that Chris Cappen spotted in the can't even. That's the one of the blowing red eyes. Yes, this is the Star Wars Werewolf. Oh, after his guide, I have my guide. Okay, I can't wait. To compare

and contrast. All right, this is going to take a little bit, but it's fine because we're already doing it. Yeah. A hunter and a scout, the furry wolfman, lax, Sivrack was a prime example of the ways in which the Galactic Rebellion caught individuals up in its principles. Servac was a

god damn. So many Star Wars fans are going to be mad at me because I'm butchering all this shit. Shivstavian Wolfman they do say Wolfman. No, no, no, no. Look at the markings. She's a Shibstavian Wolfman. Part of the species that ruled the

group of planets in the UVian system. A group fucking werewolves ran a group of planets. That's a prequel. That's a prequel I want to watch. They're very different

from Latarian werewolves. Oh, look at the neck. Look at the neck markings. Yep, that's it. That's how you can tell. Look at the shape of its genitals. They were excellent hunters and the empire used them

as scouts and explorers of new and untamed worlds until shortly before the destruction of the first death star when it was decided to cut off exploration into the outer rim territories and closed them off from scouts.

So the empire fired the mass layoffs, dude. Oh, fuck, dude. And that's fucked up, dude, because the emperor promised he wasn't going to close those werewolf factories. And then one death star blows up and all of a sudden

all of these werewolf factories go under. And the shittiest part of it was right before Shivtarian Christmas. Just totally, absolutely. We're bringing the wolf men back. One of the empire's best and most famous scouts was Sivrack and ambitious

and productive explorer of dangerous territories out of touch So he's like the Michael Jordan of werewolves you're telling you think me like oh my God that's that's that's Sivrak over there

Oh my God he's like the Michael Jordan of werewolves Out of touch with civilization Sivrack wasn't even aware of the rebellion against the empire until he stumbled onto a rebel safe colony secluded deep in a rocky moon

Oh shit Rocky moon From rocky? Yeah, I heard that too, but yeah. Rocky moon. Oh, okay. A moon that has moon rocks. Okay.

From the refugees, Sivrack learned about the atrocities and tyrannies of the empire. He aided them, promising not to betray the location of the rebel camp. His report to the empire noted no life on the moon, but another scout happened upon the settlement and reported it to the Imperial Navy. Oh, my God, he's like Oscar Shiddler.

I could have saved more. is the Oscar shindler of werewolves the uh kind of same boy the chastatian wolfman's list um so sivrack's uh cover-up effort was revealed uh by a tortured rebel and the empire sent stormtroopers after the wolfman he killed them

and dropped his forename so he just went by syvrack then Oh, okay. I guess. Universal Pictures, 1941 horror film of the year. Frankenstein versus the Sivlark Wolfman. So I guess it's following in line with how

Kenobi keeps his last name. Gotcha. He's trying to hide out. It's just stupid. I guess because every name is very popular because Antilles apparently. Oh, I see.

There's a lot of... So Kenobi's supposed to be popular then? Oh, yeah. I guess. Listen, if I'm hiding from the emperor and fucking Darth Vader, dude, I'm going by Frank Johnson. Yeah.

Okay. so he killed them and dropped his name fleeing to Tatooine's Mos Isley Spaceport. On the desert planet, Sivrak revealed little about himself or his past, wary of any information brokers who would happen,

who would happily turn him into the empire. He entertained thoughts of aiding the alliance as a guide in exchange for big credits. Oh, he's in it for the money, man. But he didn't know how to contact them. Oh, that sucks. I can't find their number.

Does anybody have the phone number? of the rebellion. So he just started drinking and never stopped. Sivrak finally made contact with a rebel in a popular Mosaisley Cantina when he met the seductive Florn Improude

Okay. Amperoid. Amporoid. Sure. It doesn't matter. This is a race. Florin Amporate. Dice Ibigon. Dice Ibegon. Holy crap.

Are you still talking about a person? Are you telling me something from Sears? Okay, I'm just going to say Dice from now and that is the other person he meets. That's a different race. Gotcha. Okay. The two were soon wrapped up in a romantic embrace. Dice's muscular coils wrapped around the wolf man. We're getting into porno territory. I want to point out what this thing is. Now, in the scene, in Mosley's the Cantina, there's an arm at the table with this guy. That is his girlfriend. Oh, nice. Or his boyfriend. I don't know what the gender is. this tells me the gen i have a name for that creature too what's your name for it i'm waiting okay

we're gonna get the chris cabin glossary after this uh but their hormonal discharges were derailed when a fight broke out between two humans and a pair of ruffians with a flash of some type of static laser weapon the older human dispatched the pair oh my god this whole story was going on right there yes right dead and right there well so all of a sudden it's like a history lesson that could be written by anybody, but then it now just turned into from the perspective of the wolf man? Yeah. How he was on a fucking hot date with his arm.

So I looked at pictures of this earlier of what the thing is supposed to look like fully bodyed. It's like a, it's like a centipede type of thing or whatever. God, how do they get it? I don't know, man, but apparently they figure the fuck out. All right, where was I here?

Not wanting to be spotted by the authorities. He knew my show up, Sivrak ducked out, taking the florin female with him. Nice. That night and many thereafter, they discussed the rebellion and grew to love each other. Sivrak's desire to support the alliance grew stronger and stronger. They joined the alliance about a year before the Battle of Hoth. The snow-covered planet would become a place of tragedy for Sivrack when Dice was killed

in the evacuation of Echo Base. wow I'm heartbroken as she lay dying the emperor told her lover to believe in the force and to continue

against the empire Abelonia no dude this fucking centipede is starting a car and this werewolf is screaming at it he became a hunter and they the empire

his prey wow how does this guy not have a book line the following year Civrack piloted an X-wing fighter when the alliance made their surprise attack on the second Death Star.

He was in that battle. He was flying an X-Swain with Wedger-Dillies on the second Death Star Wars. This is my favorite character in Star Wars right now. Oh, my God. This guy fucks. He fights. His ship was fatally damaged and Civrak crashed on the moon

of Endor. Oh, he walked out. Yeah, dude. He'll figure it out. Taking a boat, not before taking several tie fighters with him. Good for him. Lack Sivrack and Dice were together. We're together again. There's spirit shining as part of the force.

So his plane crashed into, his ex-wing crashed into the forest mood of Andor and he died. Quick question. Because the dead. It's no longer canon, I know. I'm looking at the spread that you have open. And it's hilarious because you have one, on one page is this Lack Singapore Act. And on the other page is Luke Skywalker. I was noticing that exact thing.

And I think it's the same amount of entry is for both. But it's because it's probably like alphabedical order. Luke has pages. Yeah, okay. But, dude, does Lack Syvrack have the same outfit as Luke Skywalker? Same tailors, Tatis, Tatooine. Popular at the time. Which, by the way, what was going around, I'll get to it in a second.

Tatooinean Gap. What was your name for the thing? The hand job monster. Green centipede. Oh, wow. It checks out. That was one of the lesser ones. I also, one of them's worm.

Chris, what's your, what's your little appendix there? Okay, so here, tell me if you know who I'm talking about when I say these things. Okay, this is a fun game. Okay, so normal werewolf, which I think was probably his lap, uh, laxivrack. My favorite character in all Star Wars. Right. Wombat dude.

Yeah, okay. Forearmed turdhead. No, I can't say is I reckon. He has a gas mask as well. Oh, yeah. Why was the gas mask guy? Because you don't, yeah, first you see him from the back and he looks like he's a turdhead. Oh, I see. Bat child.

Yeah, I know bad child. Devil pervert. Devil pervert. The devil is in attendance. Yeah. And he's getting blown during that close up. I'm sure there's an entry for the devil in here, but I'm not going to take through it. It's going to take too long.

Hairy fish face. Uh-huh. Hippoman. Women with dreads. Yeah. Monkey flymouth. Dinosaur. Worms.

Yep. Flatten gorilla. Mm-hmm. Flatten gorilla. Is that the dude with the inverse? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, they got like black hairs in back.

So it was a big slug kind of. It's like I always call that guy Earthworm Jim. Yes. Yeah. And he is with Hellraiser. Gay, not gay, gray astronauts. What is with these astronauts? Are they like, can they not breathe in there?

They are actually, you know what they are? their leftovers from like a Twilight Zone episode. They just walked in like, well, what the hell is this? Pig face. Reptile ostrich. Rat thing. Sure. Spider Yetty. And horny

Cyclops. Definitely. That dude is ready to fuck. Everyone in there wants to nut. It's a wet bar, man. It is. When the droids come in, they're like, get the fuck out of here with those things. They don't have genitals. They have no business in this bar. Because some species, maybe laxivrak doesn't want to want a droid in the room while they're fucking

exactly well also because if you try to fuck a droid dude it like rips it off oh right and so they don't want that in there it's like it's like you know swingers night the band literally looks like a gaggle of penises i've seen what what it looks like when someone suffers from shock dick and you do not want to you do not want to contract shock dick from a droid uh this is when we meet uh two characters that we're just getting to now which are Hans Solo and Chewbacca. About 95 minutes in. All right, let's wrap it up. Okay, so that's Star Wars.

You know what it is. Great. Thank you guys. See you next month. Hans Solo and Chewbacca. You know, and this is like Harrison Ford's Star making turn, obviously. Like, this movie wouldn't work without him, like, without his thing. You know what I mean? And it doesn't work. I mean, like, all of the leads are super important. And I'm not giving any undue pressure. But his casualness in this role sells the universe.

Yes, it does. I don't like this term. and I haven't used it before, but I'm going to save it for this one specifically because it is the best example of it. Sure. Big Dick energy. Oh, yeah, for sure.

If I ever saw an example of it. He knows he's got it. He knows he's got it. And it's just there. And it's just whatever, he's got nothing to worry about. He doesn't have to think about it. He's just like,

whatever, man, I'm Hans Solo, Captain in Millennium Falcon. And I love it again because George looks like, all right, that's Chewbac. Alex, now next time you say that, say Chewbac. It's actually Chewbac. I've got, and I'm not going to say it again.

How does that sound, George? George, it's Chewbecker, and I've got no interest in the rest of it. I start in the bridge on the river choir, and you can go fuck yourself. Chewbecker here's first made on a ship that might suit our needs. Now, I'm having prequel memory loss right here. Does, do they interact in those prequels? Chewbacca and Obi-Wan? No, he'll interact with you.

Yoda only. With Yoda only, okay. They're old, they're old, the oldest of friends. It's so fucking stupid because also like you meet, they have a mutual friend in common. You meet another person who definitely 110% turns out to be a Jedi Knight, which is revealed to Chewy's little eyes. Yeah. Why wouldn't you put it together and be like, oh, did you fucking, hey, ask this guy if you knew Yoda, man. Or every time fucking Hans Solo is like, those Jedi's are a bunch of fucking crooks and perverts.

She should be like, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, I knew a couple of Jedi's back in the day. They were really cool. Yeah, I knew this, Yoda. He was one of the good ones. Exactly. It makes no fucking sense. Peter Mayhew is awesome in this scene. Love him.

Oh, yeah. He's just, he's just seven foot three of fucking amazing. Right. And yeah, it's just, and I love this scene because it's this negotiation. You know what I mean? Like, I want 10 grand. No, no, no. I'll give you two now.

And Obi-Wad's like, I'll give you two here. And 17 when we reach you have. for it's going to be or alder it's going to be awesome and he's like yeah cool and then right after this scene uh oh what could I was like look you're going to have to sell you a speeder man I told I told that guy I've got like nothing on me I've got I've got

zero zero I'm up to my ass and lies here so we're going and it's all dependent on the alderan government paying on so exactly no shit about this guy is fucking grifting him also by the way you take a taxi to your parents ask me like yeah no I just go inside to get the money

yeah exactly Han is waiting outside of fucking Aldron fucking leading on the horn. Somebody going to fucking pay me or what? I'm not leaving. Hey, I'm not leaving. But the best part about this is, like, also

I was just thinking about this right now. Like, Luke, you just inherited a moisture farm. Sell that shit. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. That's going to get you to Alderan, baby. Yeah. I think the government confiscates. Oh, I see. Yeah, the empire's in town now, baby. Also, how much... There's that the Academy entrance fee is

right there. Yeah, totally. Doesn't have to harvest anymore. How much are you getting for a moisture farm, honestly? More than the speeder. I mean, like, it's probably, I mean, look, even if you take a bath on it, you're getting like 40,000 credits. It's like trash land on a trash planet.

No one likes. Like, it should be a million credits, but like, it'll give you 40 grand for it. Wow, what an insult, but I'll take it. It's kind of awesome, though, because Luke's response to this is like, I don't give a fuck about that speeder. I'm not coming back to this shit hole. Oh, great. I inherited a hole in a rock. That's fantastic. Thank you.

Look, you're going to have to sell your speed out with that lightsaber. We're going to have to sell that too. We just don't have enough money right now, Luke. Look, I just give me the television now. And I promise you, in the other three weeks, I'll get it back for you with interest. I only stay at the finest hotels, Luke, you know that. So get rid of all this shit. You're covering my drinks, right?

Luke, Luke, Luke, don't leave yet. The bartender wants to speak with you. Do you have hoch-loch blue? Oh, yeah, he's getting the top shelf. I mean, we didn't talk about I don't like you either, which is amazing. The first and only like real blood in Star Wars, I believe,

is this fucking stump of an arm. Oh, this drunk asshole, the pig face guy. Well, there's the pig, the pig face guy and his buddy's the one that gets the arm chopped off and that's Panda Baba. Yeah, he's like talking a lot of shit. He's fucking little white asshole just showed up. Right.

It's fucking blood fuck face. Fucking little twirps. A Panda Baba is, monkey fly mouth for me. Oh no, he's ball sack mouth. I mean, I'm sorry, Chris. I'm overriding you here. He's great. And yes, his cameo in Rogue One is not good. I would have preferred with both of them. Oh, that's right. Yeah, they're like, oh, we don't.

They even reprise the line. We don't like, we don't like you or something. Get the fuck out of here. Dude, they're like the fucking drunk old guys. Staddlewolder, Waldorf and the, uh, what's his face? Stadler. Waldorf and Sattler, yeah. Now, what is the, um, in, they're in Brewster's millions. Oh, then they're also in. Oh, no. You think they're in, yeah, there's Trading places.

Trading places and then they're also in something else too. I thought it was Bruce's Randolph, we're back that guy, whatever those are. Yeah, Don Amici or something. Yeah, Don Amici and the other ones, yes. Anyway.

In any event, yes. But yes, it's fantastic. He cuts his arm right off. So, like, we're going to go in the Millennium Falcon. This dude, this berobed dude with a big long ant eater nose rats everybody out.

He's got his ear to the ground. Yeah, that's, fucked up. I also love, like, the voices and, like, a lot of the monsters don't make any sense. Like, he's this big hulking dude. It's like, really? I love it, dude. Also, here's my question. Where in the flying shit is B. Arthur to be like,

hey, you any of your motherfucker. There's no rats in my fucking bar. Get out of here. Yes, exactly. Oh, rats. Yeah, there are some rats. Oh, we're skipping over. I don't serve ants here. We don't serve ants here, buddy. I do love that we spent 90 minutes. We didn't even talk about Grito and Han, which is the

one of the more, I mean, like, it's been talked to death. But that's exactly why we didn't talk about it. What else the fuck are you saying about it? No, but you know, if we don't do this right now, there's going to be something that's like, I can't believe they didn't get to Harning Grito. I can cover it all for us, guys.

Cool. Hashtaghan shot first. Yeah. We did it. Yep. But I mean, like, you can't overstate what a dumb change that is. It's stupid. It's so stupid. Even when they do their computer magic. It doesn't look like

anything lines up the way it should. It doesn't. And that's what was fascinating about watching it yesterday. It was like when you look at it, Grito's fucking laser blast goes like sideways and hits a wall. And it's like, what the fuck were you doing? I guess he's like totally

wasted. In this scenario, he is totally wasted. That's what. Well, they stay. So I've been waiting for this for long time. I was about to say, there's no way for us to tell that he's slurring his speech. You remember that time I was going to the bathroom

when you came when you bumped into me I got pissed all over my pants I fucked up my date I've been waiting this for a long time over my dead body Yeah it's a fucking idea asshole I'm gonna kill you right now It's kind of funny though because like there's no

I mean because Grito is not making any kind of movement at all sure they still keep in all of the Han Solo slowly putting his hand towards his gun so it's like none of it matters. It's such a stupid fucking change. And it's great Harrison Ford acting

where it's like tracing up the wall you know, drawing his eyes somewhere else while he's doing something else. And it's like smuggler shit. It makes it a Western. And then he fucking goes to the bartender, flips a gold de balloon because we're in the old West now

and says, sorry for the mess. And it's fucking perfect. And also Han Solo is a bit bloodthirsty in this. The reason we wind up on the Death Star is because he wants to fucking kill that Tyfighter pilot because that's how shit goes. I don't like rats. I don't like loose ends. I love

that in Force Awakens, it's kind of rebuke of this scene where he just throws one of those dudes into that fucking monster's mouth on that ship. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, the job of the hut scene is terrible. I mean, it's wretched. And it's also the same

fucking dialogue of the Grito scene. Like, clearly, like, Lucas wasn't sure what he wanted to do, so you kind of film both. Right. And then, like, he's like, I'll use both. it's useless I mean it's so he literally just says the same thing about like I just need more time to get you the money

I have the money I just got to do this thing even I get boreded sometimes and all that dialogue is there the dumbest thing is they have a moment where Han like walks behind him and steps on his tail and it's like Jabba the Hunt gets boosted a little

bit he's like and I mean like the size of him doesn't make sense he must have he must get massively depressed after this and like the fucking The eating is just out of control. Marlon Brando level, fucking crazy. Yeah, it makes no sense at all. I will say the only thing that I was surprised worked

is the line of sight between Harrison Ford and this fucking cartoon thing. Oh, okay, that's cool. It actually was lining up him looking at Jabba. And was Boba Fett in the actual original scene? No. The original scene or no. No, no, no, no, no.

This is the worst part of any, you've messed with any of these movies. Sure. There are gritos there. Just a couple gritos? There's like a guy that might be the actual grito because this fucking doesn't make sense to put together. There's like a gaggle of gritos

hanging around the falcon and then like he's got all these other like hoodlums with him and whatever and you don't see Bobafet at all. And then it's like all right solo, fine. Go do your thing and I'll see you soon. And they all start walking away. And then fucking Boba Fett just walks into frame

and he looks directly at the camera. he fucking spikes the camera like, isn't this fun? He's the friar tuck of this. It's so, so dumb. Doesn't he have better shit to do all the best bounty hunter in the galaxy and he's just fucking like carrying fucking Jabba the Hutz purse or something?

But what are you doing? Maybe it was a thing where Jabba was like, all right, Boba Fett, like I have a job for you, you know, like come meet me here and I'll tell you all about it. And then he was like, all right, what's going on? And then he was like, fuck that voice, dude. He was like, hang on one second. I got to deal with his other thing for it.

So it's like Boba Fett's just waiting around. It's stupid. Can I ask from your edition, did they, for the scene after when Jabba sees him? Does it also have the scene where Jabba then goes and does the Palmissano wine commercial? Or did they cut that? Oh, the finest wine from Paul Masel.

The one thing. is I would love he was just cast last night we were recording this of Saturday, December 1st he just revealed last night that Nick Nolte will be in the Man-Dilorean series

and I'm hoping he's doing the voice of Boba-Fent well Germany you don't understand that's not in it no no it's a different Mandalorian.

So I've heard Mandalorian armor yes what's a Mandalorian? Oh boy open the book how long have you got well it's it's changed

a little bit over the course of history. Are they people? They are people. They have a few planets and they were, I forget the exact back and forth, but because a lot of it is in the Clone Wars series, which I didn't watch. Some of it is in Rebels, which I did watch. So there,

some of them end up kind of supporting the empire and some of them don't and it's sort of like a civil war in between, but it's just this cool armor that they have and it's sort of like a warrior chief in society. Are they like humanoids? They are 100%

They are human. They are human being. And it's not Boba Fett in this series. It's somebody who gets his armor. But I want, I want Nick Nolte to voice that dude. Well, Werner Herzog is also involved. So I would like him to voice someone else. The silence of the armor workshop on a day

when no armor is being produced is a silence that strikes into the souls of many Mandalorians. The first four episodes, are just like footage of the factories on the planet narrated by Werner Herzlark. Oh, you know what, right after this scene with Han, one of those gritos is like, yo, yo, Jabba,

you want a debt stick real quick? And he's like, well, I guess I'll have one. And then he becomes a fucking heroin addict. That's what makes him go into Jabba's palace. He never leaves again. And shit starts to slip. And he just is fucking eating all the time. Like he's like one of those fat heroin addicts.

You know what I mean? Oh, Artie Lang? I mean, yes? The answer is yes. Salacious crumb, where's my next hit? God damn it, salacious crumb? You're supposed to get another death stick? I'm fucking jose.

Sticking it out of my mouth. Don't worry. I know my tongue is gray now, but it's fine. And Leah, look at me. Look at me. Tug and look at me. Oh, God. Oh, she's choking me.

This is the best part. Save it for our episode on Return of the Jedi guys. Probably going to happen. Rob! Get over here and give me a tug job! So we get into, there's a fun little, a great little sequence of the, we're fighting to get off most icily. We fly away.

And now the movie kind of starts, to be quite honest. It actually starts moving super fast. So they get to Alderan. It's blown away. We do have that scene prior at the Death Star with Tarkin, Vader, and Leah. I love Tarkin being totally cavalier. I was like, well, I had a lot of fun signing your death, Warren.

It's like so... Cushing's having a fucking ball, dude. Should have recognized your foul stench the moment I was brought on board. I love Tarkin not being a computer program. It's fantastic. The human touch is very... It's really fantastic.

It's actually a person. I mean, like... It's a nice touch, I got to say. I hope they learn their lesson. It sounds like they did. I know they're not going to do Carrie Fisher. They said they wouldn't do Carrie Fisher. Right. I pray to God that we're done with that. But the plugs out of the damn, dude. I don't trust.

those jackals. No, it's like, that's the truth. Just something. Who could they do now, like, besides Carrie Fisher, if they're not doing Carrie Fisher, like, who would they bring back from the dead and why? Yeah, I guess that's true. I feel like Tarkin, they felt, they felt, Porkens.

They felt the need. What's that dude's name? He's got a great deal. William Hootkins. With some reason, they felt the need that Tarkin needed to be in Rogue One. And it had to be. Death Star overseeing shit. Gross. Peter. Dude, get the guy that played Tarkin in fucking Revenge of the Sith, even though he

had like one second of screen time. Get any British dude. And just say, he's Tarkin out. I'm fine with it. I don't give a shit. You recast Hans Solo. Yeah, I can't cast fucking Tarkin. Get fucking Fennedict Cumberstatch, dude. Anything. Anything.

But, so he's great in this and he, you know, we blow up Alderon. You'll far too trust. It's so awesome. It's such a gigantic, like, galactic size, fuck you to somebody. But it's also, I mean, very clearly, And this is so much true story of Guinness had a huge problem with this movie. Cushing loved it.

Loved everything. And you can tell he's just drenching it. Because they're clearly like two different actors. Yeah, the B-movie guy and the guy from the prestige. Exactly. George, hold on. Are you telling me no one's getting naked in this movie? Excellent.

Oh, my God. That's a first. You mean I don't have to drive a stake through anything? And it gets better than that. He blows up a planet of sex perverts Because Alderan is into weird shit, man Definitely it's evidence by Jimmy Smith's fucking outfits Oh, he was a casual sex uniforms

Yeah, exactly, like it's fucking leather leather pants for no reason And he's driving a convertible like that Oh, he was in the middle of shit when it went down That's he went down Somebody was going down on him when things went down That was the thing I'm from Alderon or as we call it planet wet

Yeah, dude, he's just getting sucked off in that flying space convertible. Oh, so now that you finished another term in the Senate here, what are you going to do next? Well, I think we go back and get it wet. Oh, yeah. That's their tourism board. Get it wet.

Yeah, exactly. Welcome to all right. Yeah, exactly. That's some planets do mine spice, others provide moisture. Some just provide sex. You know what I mean? Star Trek does it all the time.

So I think this is definitely a sex planet. we need our star wars needs a sex planet star wars needed its risa that's the star trek sex planet yes and the empire is trying to like make everyone fall in line you can't have like vimar germany happening it's true yeah exactly there's probably a lot of cool art on alderan too you know what i mean really cool movies coming out on alber on exactly the space nazis just label it degenerate and then burn it all that's right yeah there's and then uh carrie fisher does a great what when uh when uh uh cushing says oh you all you all when he says said it to Aldrin she goes what it's a great what there's a couple of good

good what because she's got a good what Darth Vader's got a good what he's got the greatest one it's like towards the end of the movie what hot so we get to uh they come out there's uh the whole the whole trading sequence i want to know who brought this fucking is this is this obiwan canobes did hans solo having it around this oh the little ball little hover thing yeah it seems only designed to train people in lightsabers. So, what? Question mark. You can like, I don't know, all the fucking cloaks that Obi-Wan's

wearing, you could fit the little ball in there. All right, look, sell the speeder, sell your house, but I gotta keep this little ball. It's all I got. That's my whole training regiment. I'll tell you why later, but this little flying ball has to stay with that. Let me if Jabbo was like, well, you told me you're going to be 20 grand from that old guy? That guy

tried to sell me a fucking car five minutes ago. I came in here. He's begging me to take his car. I don't know. Listen, listen, what do you want? What do you want? You want the coat? I'll give me the coat. The coat comes with the car. What can I do to put you in this?

Just tell me what you want me to fuck. Listen, listen, listen, listen, jabba, jabba. Jabba. I'm just saying, you would look great in this speeder today. 2,000 credits. It's a Steve. I can't fit in it And that's actually true That'll be a problem

Oh man So we're in the Falcon The training scene is happening The training scene happens Yeah we get you know You do get the great The scene between C3PO And

Chubaka there with the chess game Which apparently the emperor I read this on trivia Was a grand master at that game Oh come on Yeah He's playing three dimensional chess chest, dude. Why do we have to have

a fact about this character being an award-winning board game player? Do you have the source on that because a lot of what has happened has been thrown out as the canon and he's been since... Oh yeah, I'm sure it's... I'll tell you exactly why. It's so that in like 30 years from

now, when we've gotten so far into the Star Wars canon that we're making the Spark movie, the Werewolf movie. I would love that. And if we're making this guy, it's like a pond sacrifice, but it's the emperor coming up through the fucking trades. Oh shit.

Oh man. Well, finally, we'll finally get like he's been in the prequels, but his name is Sheave apparently. Sheave. Who? Sheave. Palpatine. Sheave Palpatine. S-H-E-V, I think.

That's a stupid name. And just still have him go up against Bobby Fisher. And there's a great line between, you know, 3PO and Hans Solo. Like, well, you know, R2 is winning. So it's, you know, he's got, no one's ever been afraid of a droid. And it's like, let's go's because droids don't rip people's arms out when they lose. Right. You're known to do that.

Great Peter Mayhew, like, slicking his hair back. That was apparently very much written by Gloria Katz and that other guy that died, she died this week. They do the people that like looked at Lucas's crazy script. They're like, yeah, let's like make it funny. Yeah. Like, it'd be kind of cool if this was like funny. This is like exactly the hidden fortress. It shouldn't be exactly the hidden fortress.

Yeah. Let's make a couple jokes about this fucking wolf man. anything you have here. So they come out of hyperspace. They get stuck on the tractor beams to the Dead Star. It's been totally blown away. Yeah. It's no moon. It's a space station. Man, I wanted to see some heads flying

in space. I know it's impossible. But like, if a whole planet blows up. How about a bone? Yeah. It's Jimmy Smith's head and he's got a huge smile on it. He went out going out, my friend. If Lucas had any interested in the macabre, he would

He would have done that. He would have added those changes to wink at the previous fucking trilogy. Totally. Just this wave of blood hits the Death Star. Oh my God. All right. Cushing is like, well, we'll have to go farther away next time. And downwind. How does that go? Activate the windshield wipers. This is quite disgusting. I do have to say, George. This is more like what I'm used to. They get a tractor beam. the Dead Star because they do want to kill that guy because Han Solo fucking kills people

by the way. Absolutely. I do appreciate also that there's no like laser beam looking tractor beam thing. It's like, oh, we can't move. What's going on? Oh, it's a tractor beam. Well, let's keep moving. I'm surprised they haven't fixed that in the later version. It's like a big blue light that looks like garbage. Yep. Nope. Doesn't

happen. Pretty cool. They wind up on the thing. They pretend it's abandoned. They bring a scanning crew in, which is a great job in the empire. I got to say, These stormtroopers are stupid. Like, honestly, like, come on. If you could scan life forms for fucking escape pods,

be like, no, there's clearly fucking four people on it. Yeah, like just you use your little like scanner. You look at it. There's one little compartment on the Millennium Falcon. There's a bunch of little people hiding in it. And a fucking werewolf there. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, you wanted it to scan below the floor? You should have specified that, my friend.

Oh, my God. Yeah, they're independent contractors. That is a hundred and ten percent. Oh, there's your problem. I had it set to hallway. Oh, we don't scared for wookies. So those dudes get jacked and they get their uniforms taken. And now we get our heroes, Luke Skywalker, if you don't know, and Hans Solo.

That's right. Which was given, his name was given to him by some fat dude. At a bus station. But anyway. How epic. Boy, that's dumb. They take the uniforms. It's almost dumb enough that I like it.

I do love, there's a couple of bits of Han Solo, Harrison Ford, trying to, like, do a fake voice. And it's always super Midwestern. He's like, hey, out there. Could you help us up here? Yeah. The same voice kind of comes up when he's on the radio. Yes. Yeah, everything's fine. It's all fine. It's peachy keen up here. He's trying to sound non-threatening or something. Yeah. It's fantastic. We go into this room and, like, you know, they're pretending to transport people. they go in this little control room

and fucking Chewbacca Nails this guy Yep And he goes down He's not a storm group He's actually like one of the Like little commandants or whatever Yeah

I want somebody to turn this guy over He must be dead And disgust Oh his guts are all over the place They also shoot like one of this one dude That's like a bureaucrat there That does the line of like TK412

Why don't shoot your post That guy gets fucking iced Yeah he does It's nice It's awesome I mean the whole control room Is taken out like two seconds And

And yeah, this is when they realize that so when I stick down the tractor beam, Obi-Wan Kenobi volunteers, and you do, my favorite line in this entire movie is he leaves, and Chewy goes, man, you said it Chewy, where did you dig up that old Faso? So he would never have said that if he was best buds with fucking Yoda. It makes no sense. I'm getting so fucking. I feel like fucking Chewbock is like, dude, that old guy smells like soup. Yo, that dude just left.

That dude smells like fucking soup. Hey, Han, how fucking crazy was it? That old guy was saying all that racist shit about Tuscan Raiders, that whole ride? You said it, Chu. Where did you dig up that old fuck? I'm not watching. I'm not listening to Star Wars on my fucking my ship, dude. I don't watch that horse shit.

What did he say? Oh, he said your boy there is brothy. Brothy. Chewy, that guy is exactly why I haven't been home for Life Day. in fucking 30 years. Guys and guys like them. This is also, it's the awesome where Luke Skywalker is like, oh, Obi-Wan, you're not coming with?

And this is where he's like, no, this is where our paths diverge. I know I got you into all of this, but bye. Have fun at this police station. Have fun assaulting this police station. Oh, shit, man. I'm going to find the first space pod out of here. Seriously. So they get...

Maybe I could use my... old connections with Darth. I talk my way out. It's Darth. We're old buddies. You're my old people. There's a whole fucking room full of assholes in there. You think of it. It's their idea. Yeah, you haven't seen me in 20 years. Actually, I love the Empire now.

Change my... Listen to Star Wars every week. They're great. I've been watching some great shows on the internet. So they get R2D to fuck the Death Star. He puts his little hot little cock into this thing. That's right, dude. A little fucking silver gray rocket. And after he, like, seduces this big planetary babe.

and they're smoking cigarettes Death Star rolls over and says like Oh wait Alea oh yeah no I have her inside of me In this fucking detention center over here And then Artus is like yeah thanks baby or whatever He's like oh I just got to go let me go take a pisser right And then he leaves the room

The Death Star has been placated Very pleased pleasured up plazoo He's a generous lover that Art2 Tons of orgasms right down the shoot And Art2 doesn't even need to get off That's the thing, like, who's getting off knowing that the death starts getting off? Exactly, exactly. But he knows he's going to come back and when she gives up her garbage chutes.

Oh, yeah, he's going to go back back. He goes up the garbage shoot very soon. You're exactly correct, Krista. Yes, Artoe. We all know that you could eat a peach for hours. Now, shut up. So, Artu tells, you know, Luke and Hans Solo where the princess is and now Luke gets this scheme of we're going to go to the detention

center and have the Chewbacca Wookiee pose as a prisoner and now we're off to our next little phase of this adventure. And not for nothing. Han is kind of a simp in this entire movie. First of all, he gets greased by that fucking old man. He's like, oh, I'll pay you in 2000 now

which I definitely don't have. And 15 when you get to Aldron. And then Luke's like, oh yeah, if you save this princess, you get like, $2 million. He's like, oh, wow, that's great. That's what I love here is Luke Skywalker is making financial promises on the you have of a fucking princesses like it. That's the first Jedi trick he learned is grifting.

Well, it's awesome though because you can the reaction I sort of read from Han Solo here is because he keeps repeating princess over and over as if to say like, what the fuck are you? We don't have fucking princesses. A princess. Fuck you little kid. What are you talking about?

It's a fairy tale. So they pretend that they're moving a prisoner transport of Chewbacca or Chewbeca depending on who you ask. To the detention thing, you get the great. Oh, yeah, the little moustroids. And then he yells. It goes the other way.

I love that part. And we get to the detention center and great acting here with, where are you taking this thing? Oh, man, that guy. What a fucking racist thing is. Let me tell you about this guy right now. I got the fucking character bio of this guy in a book. This guy, he's got some collector's plates from a woman. long time ago. They're behind

glass in the cabinet. He doesn't let anybody touch him. An extensive knife collection. This thing. I mean, dude, you're in space. There are fucking aliens everywhere. There are the fuck out. Things out. The ass. See, and it's not like

Darth Vader necessarily as a white supremacist. You just won't disavow them. So there's a lot of them in his own. Oh, I see. Gotcha. Yeah. Yeah. A real Jordan Peterson type. there's a lot of good people on both sides so we got a great shootout here we do which is weird

this is the only room apparently with security cameras because they start blasting them but like it doesn't make any sense I remember as a child watching this scene and being like what the hell are they shoot man I was like wait there those like guns on the walls those cameras I wasn't entirely sure I mean they're not clear because like why would you only have cameras in one room

but you know maybe it's the most important room maybe it's good for the script yeah so yeah and then he has to do his midwestern accent down to high command oh it's so awesome yeah and everything's fine how are you sizzle chest let me let me speak to who's in charge down there darth vader picks up the phone yes you spoke you called we're fine everything's all right is your refrigerator running uh gas leak down here very dangerous it's like with Oh, right. What are you talking about?

I think it's a reactor league. Yeah, Reactor league. First of all. There's no reactor down there. That's not the wallet inspector. Bend over and I'll show you. We get to our beloved,

aren't you a little short for a storm trooper line? Yep. A plus. Pretty great. Oh, by the, we didn't mention it, but there was that interrogation droid that was a floating fucking ball with the fucking IV on it or whatever.

You're going to inject Princess? I love that. As a kid, I never understood that scene because I thought what it meant, because he's like, oh, we'll, whatever Vader says, like, we have ways of making you talk, basically. And the droid starts to zoom towards her. She's very afraid.

I'm like, oh, man, she's really afraid of needles. Like, that's literally, I didn't get that it was like probably a truth serum or like a hide or whatever, but it was like, oh, wow. Well, also, a fucking droid injecting me with needles? I'll pass. Yeah. I mean, it looks, I mean, it just kind of looks silly because it, like, the thing is more ominous than that. But, like, then it's just got this little needle coming.

But, like, I wanted it to turn. and then just have, like, a hatchet duct taped to a side of it. I mean, also, like, not for nothing. You've got all these fucking got nothing but dudes around. Have somebody inject this lady. Do you really need a droid to do that? They're taking a job. Exactly.

Well, yeah. The Geneva Convention about injecting a sitting senator or something. If a droid does it, we've got it, you know, deniability. The first people that the empire got rid of is the intellectuals, and that's doctors, all the doctors are fucking gone. I like it. So now we're on the run here Super fun

Blasting around This is when we get in the garbage shoot A lot of fun Like really once Han Leia and Luke are together It's like holy shit This is amazing I mean it's been great the whole time

I think she's the one that's pretty active in this scene Doesn't does she shoot open the garbage She does Yeah I mean come on That is that is your active hero in this scene Where did she learn to shoot open a garbage shoot Yeah like the idea I need a backstory

Why don't I see Target practice? Some fucking dude is like, Star Wars is for boys only. Like, what are you talking about? She's like the leader of the fucking, the entire universe. Is she doing up the hair every night and then putting it down and then doing it up again? Excuse me. What is she doing that? A plot hole.

And also point of order, while we're talking here, why can't I jerk off the Shira anymore? What the fuck's going on? I wish all these people could get their dicks cut off. seriously like I'm not even joking around right now I think we should they should be round up and their dick should be cut out and they're not using them anyway so she blasts the thing she says

somebody could donate them to other resources she said somebody better save our skins which I always heard literally up to it including three years ago somebody has to save us kids which I always thought which did make it he said wow

that's what a win. Literally like three years ago or five years ago, I watched it's like, oh wow, our skins. Because she's doing that like weird like mid-Atlantic accent she's kind of doing in this movie. Yeah, it's a Catherine Hepburn impression. Yeah, they go down to the garbage shoot. We see Alec Guinness doing some fucking cool stealth work. Yeah, I love the metal gear solid shit. I love this too because he's like throwing shit like, you know, it's like making these people look over there. Yeah. It's amazing. I love the Stormtrooper, uh, small talk here in this seat. I love it too. It's like, oh. Do you hear something in the guys? No, no, no. You see those new B-16s? Yeah, yeah, the other guys are telling

me about it. I want to know what a B-16 is. I think that comes back up. Like, I think Rogue 1 or someone does another small talk scene about that. That's fun. Well, there can't just be one. Can't just say it once, that's for sure. But Chris Cabin, you are cynically minded

in saying that because, let's say a new big B-16 comes out in our present day. Isn't that interesting? like let's say let's it's like it's like okay for for for fat guys in the room let's say 4K TVs are coming out you know you're hanging out on the death star those fat guys are talking about 4K TVs these guys down at scare if talk about 4K TVs because that's on your mind that's the new thing that's true it's sorry I fell a suit here it's a world building

thing Chris uh escape is not his plan another great line oh right yeah because you he's fucking fucking suicide mission. I'm not going back to the desert. That's for fucking sure. Yeah. Oh, no way. I didn't even have a toilet. I was shot in a fucking home. It aged him beyond his years.

I'd like to die amongst indoor plumbing, if you please. That is my one dream. I foresaw my death and I die in a spice-covered robe. There's a little Filipino boy behind me throwing snaps on the ground and I just die. What is he, Charlie Rose? There, thank God it's been after two hours, so no one's listening

anywhere. Now we can get real blue. Exactly. We're in the garbage compactor, which is just water, I guess is it just piss? Like, well, who threw this peanuts and the monster? Who threw this monster away? I was singing that too. It was like a stormtrooper pet they brought along and just flushed it down the toilet before RA inspection.

happened and how deep is the piss level yeah i know it goes up to like their knees for the most part but apparently this thing can get along pretty easily without you know disturbing the piss water you know you can just drown in like an inch of water christ oh oh i'm sorry i didn't think about that i should have thought beach rules also the death star is brand new where did this monster it's not like it's an old thing we're like you know sometimes you get rats like sometimes you just get rats like i get that well you know it's probably uh probably a thing that they showed the construction of the Death Star happening so fast. Yeah. I mean, if this was a thing that it was around for a while and was just secret,

which, you know, right now we don't really know. No, well, you just hit on it right there. Yeah. I mean, the garbage suits are clear. The first thing they put in. And it's, it's cost, what, it's been like a decade trying to build this thing. Oh, I wish it was, but it's not. How long has it been built? How long? They finished it in Rogue One, right? Yeah. But when do they started? They start, I guess they started when Luke is born. So, I guess it is 17 years. Yeah, that's a long fucking time. And also, I mean, like, the one in Jedi props up pretty quick.

That is super fast. And it's pretty much fully operational. They just need to, like, finish it off a little bit. Everything here is perfect. The left side's a little janky. But we'll get to it. Can't you assume, though, that they're building those at the same time? Yeah, that's probably true.

And it's like, here's the one we're going to use. And then it's like the backup one. It's like Jurassic Park having two islands. Oh, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's stupid. It's a waste of money. There's that great line in the movie Contact, which is a great film. It's the old government spending model.

Why buy one when you could buy two at twice the price? I guess that's true. It's just the ineffective government. So we're getting crushed by these fucking, we kill this monster, which sure. Whatever. I mean, it's a fun scene. All right. I'm a toilet monster. I'll read your book series

another time. I'm not shitting on it. It just kind of doesn't make sense. We're crushing the thing. There's a great bit of fun business of Luke Skywalker telling C3PO where to get off. Oh, absolutely. And, you know, there's that gag of like, oh, they're dying.

I can't believe it. Listen to them. They're dying, too. Curse my metal body. I wasn't fast enough. 3PO, I do. I like because the lines like this. Oh, I love, I love myself some 3PO. So does this little monster, like, it is murdered before the walls close in, but like,

so is this thing getting, like, crushed? Oh, yeah. Is this corpse getting smushed? It's disgusting. You should see, like, guts start to bubble up then, right? Like, oh, shit, this thing's falling apart. Water just turns black. Poor Mark Hamill had to go underwater and all this shit, by the way.

Well, apparently the Chewbacca suit after the scene never smelled the same. yeah well and the unfortunate thing is I guarantee it didn't smell too great to begin with that was all George Lucas's garbage he was he was moving apartments like yeah it's got to be realistic right yeah real look at that no that is actually stuff from my actual toilet actually you know monster I had a pet octopus and they just got out there uh and so we get out like okay we we're gonna go uh Luke and layer are going to go one way Han and Chu are going to go another way there's a lot of fun flirting. Everybody's flirting with everybody

by the way. Yeah. You don't even know it. Star Wars is what's happening right now. You just don't even know it, dude. All sorts of shit is dangling. And why would women like this movie? I don't understand it. What are you talking about? Everyone's fucking gorgeous. You're right, Eric.

Cut their dicks off. Honestly, yes. Yes. Yes. Anyone subscribe to an anti-force Awaken subreddit. Just fucking track those IPs and get sniffing. this is we get our fun I'm going to kiss my sister and swing around

but you know what it's a kiss on the cheek sure it's a kiss on the cheek everybody I guarantee you fucking March 4th 1982 George Lucas is like they're still not brother and sister oh wait maybe they are you're 110% right because there was a novel called Splinter

the mind's eye I believe that's the only Star Wars novel I ever read you read it so they're not brother and sister they're like kind of almost fucking yeah exactly I haven't read that one. I bought it recently. It's like 1970s or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, it's one of the first EUs that was there.

And I mean, a lot of stuff is weird. Like, the force doesn't make a lot of, it's like there's crystals involved and all sorts of weird shit. Well, there are crystals involved now. Well, there'll be a damn. Get your tick out. Suck it. Well, our metaclorians like crystals in the blood or something.

Shut up, Chris. So we have the Vader-Kinobi showdown starts up right here. fucking awesome. Not much talk about being old co-workers necessarily, but there's a little bit of it. It's totally fine. Now I am the master. And also, you haven't talked about him all that. James Earl Jones is doing fucking the Lord's work. Apparently, he's amazing. David Prowse, the actor who's the suit. Who's the man, yeah, was so pissed off. David, the body, Bruce was so pissed off that he, it is just some Brit, that was so pissed off that he was replaced. Thank God. He accused. He accused, Lucas of reverse racism because he was like he was like oh yeah because a bunch

of white you put a black person in your movie so you had to fucking you had to like you had to whatever you had to change my voice because of blah blah sounds like that guy would have voted leave he definitely voted leave by the way you can look up what his voice readings were for the role and it fucking sucked

of course it did it's just the fucking British dude yelling hey we got enough of that in the movie yeah that's actually true and it's just I mean, like, and it's James Earl fucking Jones. Also, who didn't, who was so nervous about this movie, tanking and ruining his career, uncredited entirely. On my VHS, he is not in the credits.

Interesting. Not anywhere near the credits. Prowse isn't the dude in Jedi, though, when the helmet comes up. No, no, that's a third actor. Sebastian Shaw? Yeah, Sebastian Shaw. Well, so Luke, help me take this mask off. Albert Finney.

I mean, he sounds like Alperfittany a little bit. It's just kind of funny because this dude's getting dicked left and right. I've hidden an alcohol bottle in the back of the cape. Bring it out for me. Luke, let me tell you a story about me and Danny DeVito in the circus. Nope. Luke, you must find Aaron Brockovich. She'll take care of all this.

But don't mention anything about a fabulous tits. Luke, why did you and your. fat brother hatch a scheme to kill your mother now I'm gonna have to go and smother your fat brother

with a pillar that movie is a tough watch for all sorts of reasons it's a good movie though oh is it ever but uh before the devil knows you're dead

but the yeah so this is the great the showdown the showdown it's so cool because it's such a very clearly like stayed lightsaber fight because it's before we figured everything out. It's like probably like if you, in quotes, the worst

of all the lightsaber fights. It's, it's really bad. It's one of those like they're being careful because like if you hit it too hard, it's either going to bend or fall off entirely. It's great. I mean, the brabitas is fantastic. Yes, because we're taking pauses to do dialogue. We're having kind of

a scene there. And then maybe it's like the begrudging respect for one another that this has been, this has also been boiling for so many years, right? Ever since you ever since he was boiling in lava. You know, you don't want to blow your nut all at once. You want an edge

fight. It's also weird that it took fucking about three days ago Vader is force lifting and fucking zip-zap it all over people. But he's having trouble with a 90-year-old man. I think he's just savoring the moment. Oh, I see. Well, I also know why you like it because it's a lot like classical

like swords and sandals. Yeah, exactly. Which is what I feel like the ship should be because no one's fucking doing karate battles all over the galaxy. Everyone's just putting guns and shooting So whenever you get a sword out, why would it be amazing? How much practice do you really have with the past 17 years?

I agree. I'm just saying, like, in general. Although I know he was cutting people up in Rogue One and I'm sure you, but I do like that stuff. But at the same time, I would actually prefer if everything was just swords and sand. If he's in his castle all day with his little ball and that's all Darth Vader's doing all day and all night. It is kind of funny, though.

It's one of those things where you really realize like the literal magic of this movie because you close your eyes and you see it and you're like holy shit that's like the most epic fucking it's third that scene is 30 feet tall you know what I mean it's like Obi-Wan Cadoby versus Darth Vader but when you see it on a shitty VHS

there's aluminum poles and whatever also think about how amazing that scene like you said 30 feet tall makes you feel from something that was just introduced like yeah we saw how how evil Vader was boarding that ship we saw you know they build up Obi-Wan to be this

defrocked knight priest or whatever and it's just you feel that energy when they meet when you almost shouldn't because it's only been at this point I don't know how an hour 45 or 30 minutes or whatever they're able to develop that in that little time what is weird though is

that for this entire fight scene Obi-Wan Kenobi is calling him Darth yeah he's calling him Darth the whole right like it's his first name exactly weird because it was first name at the time. I'm sorry. This dude's name was Darth Vader. I'm sorry. Of the family Vader. Exactly. But I mean

like it's the closest proximity I could find to that like working in this new retcon world is I think like in um, like Star Wars Rebels or something. I think there's like Sith Inquisitors that use the phrase Jedi when they're talking to people as like a derogatory thing. So maybe it's like the anti-Sid

it's like saying Sith a lot is un-negative. Oh well look at you Darth. Like it's kind of a shit. Right. But I do a hundred and ten percent believe it's a fucking name. It's his first fucking name. Hey, Darth. I mean, like, it is fantastic, obviously.

And then, like, I love the part. So, like, you know, we're all running around the Dead Star. And all these stormtroopers are like, holy shit, there's a sword fight. Like, literally, imagine being at work. And all of a sudden, your boss is sword fighting someone. You're going to stop everything you're doing and being like, holy shit.

And they fucking just gather around like it's a level on street fighter. It's like watching. They're making the same. Well, because everyone probably, you know what I mean? Like, especially at this point, like, he's not taking it out, taking out the lightsaber all the time. Like, oh, fuck a light sword. Like, they're like, shit, shit. Hey, if Lord Vader beats this guy, he has to fight Blanca next.

Well, you definitely at least have one company man who's still like, guys. Yeah. Guys, we got to load these energy pods. You never, you never mind what boss is doing. So this preside, this is good. That's nothing to do with you. The lightsaber fight between him and the old. man. Do you even know who

that man is? Let's say the fight above your pay grade, above your pay grade, get back to work. So this provides the cover for for everyone to run to the Millennian film. Yes. And this is the if you strike me down, I'll become more powerful than you could possibly imagine. Great line.

Accepting his fucking death. Closing his eyes right here. It's so great. And I mean, that's why this scene is 30 feet tall because it's like, it's so cool when he swipes through. I also love his total shock. Like, you could do that? He's like, wait, whoa. He's like kicking the fucking robes because he's like, did he just get really small?

Darth Vader's stepping on that fucking bathrobe is the funniest thing. I meant to do that. Luke freaks out, starts shooting back at this situation, and then, you know... Hits no one. I think like one stormtrooper. Run, Luke, run. As you can see, I'm still alive. Death is but a door.

I'll be back. You'll have to do some rituals to bring this. back, Luke. You won't like them. You need to find me a baby. Or it's like Hellraiser. Bring me skin. Luke, bring me skin. I need blood to reconstitute. He's just reforming on the

Millennium Falcon as his blood skeleton man. It's like the baby wishmaster. Yes. Oh, ew. Baby Ben Canovi. It's just all like a fleshy and disgusting. He's crawling on the

floor. Also played by Vern Troyes. you can see the brain from the outside so they get away and this is my Grand Marf Tarkin this is Vader's plan by the way

it's like let them get away we'll find the rebel base so does Vader tracking device on the falcons but they have to like make it look good

so they send I guess their worst pilots like who are these rejects they're like you know what you guys go after I feel like it's a thing

like they just gave these dudes like kind of subpar little like ships to go and do the guys like, why is it the fucking why is it the tracking system working? I'll tell you exactly who are in those, it's the guys who didn't shoot

the pot. Oh, right. That's where they wound up. We're not pilots. I don't care. Get in the tie fighter. We don't know how to do. I don't care. Boss says we need to kill the guys. You kill the guys. And then what I appreciate about this movie is once we get the Yavin'4, it's all fucking business.

Movies moving out of a fucking clip. Absolutely. You got this dude like laying out the plan. He looks exactly like John Houston. It's fucking hilarious. This guy's wearing no less than three jackets, by the way. All these rebel generals here are fucking awesome because they look like weird art professors that they're going to teach you

pottery and sell you a pot. Now, Eric, this is something that I just learned today on my IMDB wormhole, or rabbit hole, I should say. If I said the words fake wedge to you, would you know what I meant? Actually, no. Oh, exciting. Yeah, so please, stump

the geek. I go to beat the geek dude but so it's it's the scene with the guy they they find by the way that they fight this fucking they get our two on board like oh that's the weakness like it takes them no time at all again that big hole over that's where you gotta shoot

but he's doing the whole thing and there's this Luke is hanging out with this buddy of his this guy is only in one scene and he says oh he's the dude that they mentioned the beginning of the movie but this is he's like oh the dark lighter has a mustache that's not big oh it's a different guy

So he's like, oh, yeah, that, the T.C. Wampas. He's like, oh, the computer, well, we'll never build a track as well. The Wamp Rats at home, that was Wedge, but he got fired that day. He did one scene, really? Got fired. They brought in the other guy. But then they brought him back for Return of the Jedi. That guy is back? Wedge is back.

No, Wedge is, I mean, Wedge is in this movie. So in this movie, two actors technically play Wedge. Exactly. The only one is acknowledged to be Wedge, though. That's amazing. Yeah, I mean, according to the IMDB, so this guy got fired. Then they brought in the other actor who's in this and Return to the Jedi. Who's also, weirdly enough, you and McGregor's uncle, which is super weird.

Oh, weird. Yes. I feel like now that you say that, I had heard that already. Yes. To make it in society, you have to be related to someone. It's all a royal thing. Everyone stretches back to reptilian settling this plan. Something tells me that the dude who fucking played Wedge had no hand in the career fucking nephew, you and McGregor.

Do you think, okay, would he have gone into acting? What do you've gotten an agent as fast as he did? What do you've become a big enough actor by the time? It has nothing to do with wedge. Dude, it's the fire sparks from somewhere, my friend. Kira Knightley's dad is in this movie as well. See, this is what I'm talking about, dude. Every single person who is successful,

you could trace back to someone in their family being successful. An alternate timeline where Biff marries your mother. Oh, you know, Debbie Reynolds' daughter is in this movie as well. That's right Dude, Debbie Reynolds watching this movie I can't even imagine She must have fallen asleep

Mom, Mom, I got Star Wars He's like, what? Just quietly sleeping on a couch I don't know She's in some fucking nerd movie Mavis I don't know what I'm gonna do with this girl Mom you've asked

What is that 77 times If that, listen If that Lucas nerd comes by again Just tell him I'm out I'm just sick about telling the old fucking story I don't care if I'm Doth Vader's mother Or whatever the fuck

Oh, Ms. Reynolds Please tell me again More stories about making singing in the rain I'd love to hear them Yeah, I'm fucking busy George, all right Get me another scotch and soda Shut the fuck up Yes, ma'am

Pay me in cigarettes Georgie Also carry you get fat Mom, shut up That's why they put that shit in your hair Because you get fat so we're making this run on the death star we all know the dead star thing i love i love the ticking time bomb we have here of you know the empire knows where the base is the death star is coming there's only a certain amount of time that they can pull off this death star run there's a lot of stakes it's very exciting great film and we line up to do our death star run all everyone is giving hans solo so much shit for leaving my god yeah because you know he's like i got fucking shit I got, I got debts.

Like, literally, people are trying to kill me right now. As we're speaking, people are looking for me to kill me. Wouldn't that be the best place for you to be surrounded by a bunch of army guys? Yeah, exactly. Excuse me. But Mr. Swaggin' Dick is going all around this place. And then when it really counts, he's like, nah, not my thing. That's true.

Because he doesn't give a fuck about what counts. Dude, it's all about the money. I get that, but listen to this. What are your, your debts are not going to matter once you, you, you, you, you install regime change. And now your debts don't mean anything. We can get the government to crack down on Java and liquidate that. It's like you take a fucking like two-hour Uber ride with this guy.

And once you get to like, well, you're not going to see the movie with me? And he's like, no, I'm not going to see the movie. I just got paid. I got to go home. Well, I mean, like, if money is all that you count, that all that matters to you, Mr. Uber driver. I thought we had a really good conversation. If going to the movies is saving the planet, then yes. All right, all right.

Well, agree to disagree, Chris. I love this fucking altruistic Chris Cabin. Where the fucking you've been for the last 20 years of my life? That's a good point. So yes, Han goes off. Everyone calls him a piece of shit fucking snake. And they spit on the ground as he leaves, as they should. You see the mess that Akbar makes when he spits on the ground?

There's a brief shot of Han Solo like loading up like cargo. Yeah. Just like looks like ammo boxes. But I always thought they're, We're just full of money. Yeah, I thought that's credits, dude. Because he's holding it while he says, like, I have to get this to Jabba.

And I thought it last night. I was like, oh, the money's in that. I think those are treasure chests. I'm just glad we're, yes, I'm just glad we're not cashless. Yeah, dude, like Star Trek. We got some money in this world. So he goes off. Luke gets in.

He keeps, I mean, he does this on, on, on, he does this twice in the movie and it is such a fucking move. He's flirting with this girl. She sees that he's sad that his friend has died. And he keeps going, I wish Ben were here. It's like, and she's like, oh, she's like kiss him on the cheek. It's a fucking move. Oh, absolutely.

I was 17 once too, kid. Oh, yeah, boy, do I miss that dude I've known for 72 hours? And meanwhile, her whole planet exploded. There was a meme going around about that. It was something like, it was like a picture of this scene. And it said, like, text was like, Like, how, like, she has to console this dude over his martial arts instructor dying that he just met versus her entire plane. Boy, I'm so upset that Terry Silva passed away.

You know, you know, Leah, I just don't think I should be alone tonight. I just, you know, with Ben, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going to pity get a pity fuck, right? Exactly. It's the move. It's a dick off. Because that's what all the other dudes on the planet talked about when they were hanging at the arcade when they were supposed to be buying power converter. Well, also, to be fair, now the Peru is dead.

is the old new woman in the galaxy so you gotta fucking do what you can I guess that's yeah we gotta wait a while until fucking Laura Dern shows up so so whatever blah blah blah where we're it's the death star run it's fucking fantastic you got all these

to targeting computer yes great line of a dude who doesn't understand what computers are I love all these dudes I love gold leader who looks exactly like fucking David Harbor oh my God yeah he does uh i love that they recycle some of them into rogue one that i really enjoyed especially red leaders in it that's so much better than doing a computer face yes you've really i mean like i just thought they all looked like micky works compatriots and barfly yeah oh they definitely did

well who says they aren't yeah dude because fucking in the rebellion you could drink all the fuck you want it's a rebellion you're rebelling against norms red one red ones here i'm ready to go anything goes dude i'll tell you I think there's some truth to that because when you analyze the death of Porkins. Porkens kind of just fucks up steering and crashes. Well, I mean, like, Porkin, there's no one that fat. They don't have formal training. These are all fucking Hicks.

They want to want, they're fighting for their right to watch all the weird porn that the empire is trying to ban. And look at the fucking empire, dude. No one is that fat on that side. Porkins only is could be a rebel. Porkins is fighting for the future of anime. head time when that ship exploded a whole bunch of tentacle porn

went up with him the last thing he heard before he crashed in was that Netflix is going to put an evangelian shit yeah pork I live on

I live on by the way we've we've done this and we actually did this sort of by accident this month of trying to do a natural time into what we're doing in the movies that, you know,

between the main feed and Patreon and William Hootkins in both this and Batman 1989. So there you go. We did it. We love Hootkins month. He looked like Hootkins. Dude, I definitely looked like Hootkin. William Hootkin's IMDB picture is one of the greatest things ever.

Just go look at it. I'm not going to tell you, just go look at it. It's a delight. So we're doing the run. Wedge is there. Biggs is there. Biggs bites it. Biggs does bite it, right?

The guy looks like fucking Cliff Clavin. Wait, Jason Biggs is dead? Oh, God, I wish. Really? But don't, now you're saying Cliff, you're saying Cliff Clavin, but pay attention. Oh, you're right. Because John Ratsenberger is in this world.

He's not until the next movie, but he's here. It's very true. Well, because both the rebellion and the Empire, great mustaches, great sideburns. The facial hair is fantastic. We are definitely just parting that. hair on the side. Absolutely. And Leah

and Leah doesn't have much to do at the end. She's just kind of watching with all these generals and John Houston and the rest of them. A bunch of mustaches. But I do love and I love that this aesthetic was recycled only in the Force Awakens and thereafter and Last Jedi. These rooms were watched like these

command rooms. Yeah. You'll see it in this and in those two movies, right? Like I know like Jedi, Return of the Jedi has like a little bit of a rehash of like the training or the training sequence, but not that actual kind of like globe room. And this will tell you the influence of this movie, they have rooms like that in the rock. Yes. Yeah. Totally. Totally right. Tony Scott. Ridley Scott's. Michael Bay. Michael Bay, sorry. Yeah, Michael Bay is definitely seen Star Wars. For sure. We went over it in the Transformers

last night episode. That is just straight up Star Wars. Yeah. You're totally right. Yeah. What the fuck do you mean I can't direct a Star Wars? What the fuck do you mean? Keep them away. Kathleen? It's the tits, Michael. It's always been the tits.

The problem is the tits. And you know what, Michael? Never will Mark Wahlberg appear in a Star Wars film. Oh, you know what? There you go. Just making sure that stays. I think we should all do it. There it is.

Perfect. There is, and I mean, like, what I love about this movie is it keeps changing, right? So you've got that first thing, the first movement that we're on the desert for a long time. We got all this like hard scrabble shit. We're doing fucking fun, stealth adventures on the Death Star. Influenced by the adventure serials. Yes.

And now we're just, I mean, like, you literally watching this in 1977, like, were the fighter pilots now? Now it's like you're watching a Howard Hughes movie. Everything you love distilled into one thing. We got sword fights. We got fighter pilots. Yes. Yeah. It's throwing everything at the wall and somehow everything sticks.

You know what I mean? It's fantastic. It all works. Boy, I locked down. He did. And obviously, all these fucking things die. Luke is the only one that could do it. Luke, by the way, the first time I hear, Luke, search your feelings like, oh shit, I'm fucking crazy. Yeah, totally. I would accidentally crash into the sign of the death. You'd pull a hootkin. Yeah. Fucking, what the fuck? Well, that's what the fuck? That's what happened to me? That's what happened. Houtkins. Porkins. Luke, reach out with your feelings. Porkins, Porkins, you're actually more, more strong than Luke is in the forest. Like, what I'm the fuck? Maybe his ghost is floating in space and he can't project all the way to Luke yet. So every single pilot that comes by, he's just like, hey, hey. Well, you know, like, if Luke's not there yet, I'd have better as well try with these guys. Turn off your

computer. What about? Well, it couldn't hurt. I'll give Porkins a shot. Hello, Porkin. if you just listen to me you'll be able to kill the deaf that don't Porkins don't be alarmed I am not I am not what you ate for dinner last night

I promise Listen Listen go leader All you have to do All right Red 7 Biggs Biggs it's your old pal Obi-Wan

Remember when you used to deliver things You used to bring me the news page I can't see the fire behind me. Some old man's talking to me. Who's let this old guy on the radio? Luke turns off his computer. By the way, Vader is like,

I'll do this shit myself. Oh, yes, this is great. He brings up his squad. Like, let's roll. Yep, totally. It's like Biff and 3D and Billy Zane, the rest of the guys. That's fucking awesome, dude.

Tarkin, by the way, refuses an escape pod. They're like, In our moment of triumph, I think you overestimate their chances. You know, oh, nice. Respect for Tarkin. Yeah, that's some real shit. Exactly. So we get the emperor is like, what the fuck is going?

I've been, emperor is on lines one, two, and five. Do you want to take that or? Hi, this is Jody from the emperor's office looking for Grand Marf Tarkin? No. Larry, you don't let his hologram through. I'm watching this shit. Yes. Answer the phone in a moment of trial.

Tell the emperor we're just having lunch. This is also where the Vader, what? Yes. He's flying the thing. What? Because Holland comes in. TIE advanced, by the way, because Vader's got his special, he's got a special tie fighter, which is also enabled some.

I call it the Vader copter. So the Vader copter, I believe, I think it has like she and it has hyperspace. I mean, I'm sure some nerd will correct me. And it's got cool, spiky parts to it too. It's also enables him to leave and fly and not die in space and just a regular time.

The coolest part is the flames on the wings. Right. Yeah, they are pretty sharp. The flame decals are great. Flavor Town. We're rolling out to death star trenches. I'm going to blow up that tie fighter. Wow. Eat that one bat.

Guy, listen, you don't know me, but guys, I just realized, I mean, what's our time code now? Well, in the record, without me cutting stuff out, we're at two hours and 38 minutes. We didn't even mention, we didn't even mention Dubax, guys. Oh, shit, dobacks. How can we do that? Yeah, we'll mention dobacks another time, I guess. So, you know, Luke does,

Hans Sola comes back in a moment of triumph. He saves the day. What? What the fuck? Vader's vanguard tie fighters there go out and he spirals into space. Luke then does... Oh, no, what happens is Canobe's like, Vader.

Like, what the fuck? Oh, I love it. But no, Luke, Luke does that like orgeastic shoot through the thing where he's like, oh, yeah. It's awesome, dude. He gets encouragement from his buddy, too,

because Han radio's in, like, let's blow this thing and go home, kid, or whatever. So it's like your friend's watching, you fuck. Oh, yeah, giving you like the encouragement. Do it! Let's blow your load and go home, buddy.

College is awesome. We're roommates. Blow your load and let's go home. Luke, if you shoot it right in the hole, I'll just make you come with my force moves. Oh, jeez. Oh, God, like, it's fucking like,

this old man ghostly hand just starts going over your crotch. Then all of a sudden, Dan Aykroyd's flying one of these things. That sounds right. Jizzing our pants and our moment of trial. And that's, you know, Marf Tarkin, by the way. Tarkin blows up.

A lot of guys who thought that they had a really good fucking, who thought they were the cream of the crop. They're like they fucking, they lobbied to be on the dead star. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because you won't be part of history, man, when the Empire finally doesn't. Well, you think you'd shoot up the ranks real fast. You know, all the boot lickers for Tarkin.

Like, they saw Krennick and other people go down. Like, you've got to attach your, your start of the right ship. They're just like the, the, the Paul Ryan's of the world Emperor Palpatine, this is Jody we were disconnected I don't know what I'll try again oh emperor it appears as if

well yep oh they've they've all blown up it's why they weren't picking up the phone they're all dead well I just realized I guess the emperor would have known that Vader survived just by the he would have the force sense yeah I bet you talkins with his hookers again

although you know I don't know about I think Tarkin was pretty straight out. Chaste, yeah. But also, you know, I mean, you know, blah, blah, blah, plot whole, whatever, you know, fucking, later in these movies, fucking Luke and Vader are fucking spaceships apart, planets apart.

They're like, there's my fucking son. Yeah. He's like 30 yards away from this kid. Does nothing do it. Well, he starts to get the inklings. He's just like, well, he's strong with this one. Yeah. Like, he's like, he's trying, he's first starting to realize.

Like, when you first. You'll notice this one day You see a guy on the street That looks sort of like you But he's like 20 years younger And you're like, oh, this guy And you find out that he's your son A little later

You know And they're like, ooh, sister Shouldn't you be able to identify Like using the force Kind of like our dogs never forget his smell Sure Yeah, I would think so Because like when

When right after he kills Obi-Wan And like Luke's blasting And they're all running into the falcon They're like 20 feet away right there he should have been like, oh, oh, yeah, oh, that's my son shooting at me. And not to mention he's fucking touching Leia

and like around Leia, the entire movie, like, he's sharing time with Leia and is like nothing. Yeah, it's weird. Right, yeah, but I guess she's just for attuned and Luke is forced sensitive. Oh, right. It's almost as if they wait until 1982 to add that in.

It's almost 1980. 1980. So, no, that's Jedi only. Really? No, her. Oh, I think you meant the brother's sister. I was like, holy shit, the Empire came out in 82, my world

is changed. No, I mean, I do think that Lucas knew that they were father-son but didn't know what that really meant, but kind of had that in the back, like if I ever get to do it. But Leah is totally 1982 or bust. Point of order, counselor. Lisa stinks. Shut up. There's a line in Empire

when Luke's going to Baspin and he's like, oh, that boys are only Oh, yes, that's true. Ben Kenobi says that boys are only charts and then Yoda says there's another so you could maybe read between the lines. And there's a whiteboard in 1982 that says Chewbacca

question mark, Leia question mark, R2D2 question mark. And then there's just a picture of Z3PO and there's a fucking X through it. Seleisha's crumb is on there, maybe. The werewolf. Oh my God, our favorite werewolf. That's why they actually go to

Jabba's palace is not to save Hans Solo for us. And carbonide, it is to explore the salacious crumb angle. See if you get any read on that guy. Do you even force sense of this dude? So we win and this I mean like really great like the euphoria of the winning. It's great acting on everybody's

part. Everyone is thrilled like they can barely get their lines out. It's it's really nice. This this sham ceremony though. Oh well we can get to it. What the fuck dude? How the fuck does Chewbac can not have a medal? Why would you give your dog a medal? There was some like again this is an IMDB trivia thing and somebody's

like oh no he gets a medal later. She was just too short to put it out of it. My ass. Like, oh, yeah, it's lost in the belt, Chewock. He said the technical Oscars. They awarded a two of the night before. He was at a special lunch. For some reason, Elizabeth Banks hosted that one, too. Oh, I have a fan

theory here that I just got watching this movie. During the battle, the last run there, R2D2 is shot to shit. Yeah, he's fucked up. He is dead. Yeah. I think that just, and then like, you know, during the or geastic, everybody's having a great time. Luke's like, oh, you could fix them up, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah, we could fix them up. No, it's a new R2. This dude. It's just a new, new R2 unit. The guy even says to him, he takes one, and this thing is like shambles. He looks like he came out of a junkyard. And the guy just goes, oh, yeah, we'll get on repairing this right away, sir. Yeah.

And then the ceremony's like, what, 12 hours later? And they just got a new one in the back. They started to do the repair. And then another R2 unit did a, Mr. Mr. Ripley on him. he just fucking like stole his identity and shit he fucking hit him in the face with a bode or now I'm going to be

the fucking hero of the resistance well actually maybe they just they had one it was like totally wiped right and then they just like when you get a new iPhone and they fucking transferred all the information over maybe well I do I would like to see like the the five hours before the ceremony you know like Luke

is getting dressed in a tuxedo at first or something and practicing his speech he's gonna he's gonna ask lay out there meanwhile in the other room Han Solo and her are fucking Yeah, he's like That's how this relationship goes Assuming that our brother and sister

That's the thing It's like I'll make her I'll make her little paper rose And like no they're like Way deep and fucking all right Yeah totally He's fucking 38 steps behind He's tasty

He's practicing the speech In the mirror All of a sudden he hears Oh man I guess I guess Chewbacca let's be doing jumping jacks I do appreciate this sharp like

Oh the gold jacket? Yeah yellow jacket yeah Looks awesome doesn't it What I do appreciate in those Marvel comic books again Is they keep that going Like Luke's just wearing that for a while Every time he has to go to an award ceremony No like when he's having adventures do

Yeah he's taking out that gold jacket Oh that's pretty sweet Actually if you look at the back It's the same jacket from drive It's just got a big scorpion It's a space scorpion though I'm going to say watching this VHS tape, which was obviously full screen. It's amazing.

The great last shot. And it's cutting off C3Pio and Jupacca, like, completely. It is just, it is just Han Leia and Luke. Oh, my God. Can you imagine that is how we used to watch movies? It's fantastic. I just cackled at that. Oh, man.

And that's Star Wars, by the way. How about that? So the thing we're doing this month instead of would you recommend, because obviously we'd recommend. The questions are, it hold up and how often do you revisit it held up beautifully. I mean even like

we will eventually get the non-Lucus special edition cut I imagine possibly with this new possibly with this new streaming thing that's how they might get you they might be like oh by the way you want upgraded Star Wars you might want to come on to our Disney Plus. Yeah

4K original cut huh? Yeah better join. Yeah I mean that would get that would get me but I mean they're already getting me unfortunately but with this Mandalorian shit. I mean, it's one of my favorite movies of all time. It is kind of hard to rank these movies, though. I mean, like this one

it does stand alone so perfect. Rank them, dude. You always make everyone rank shit. Oh, wow. So now it's your turn to rank shit. I would have to go Empire, Star Wars, and then Jedi, but they're so close. People shit on Jedi. I love Jedi so much. I do like Jedi. People, you know, people were a little older, like act like the Ewox perverted the trilogy, but I don't really agree.

I don't agree with that. I also think that like honestly like why I like I buy so much not just so much the dark tone da da da da da da da but like the occlusion of like really important characters like Billy D or you know Lando Lando Yoda's in there Boba Fett you know a lot of

it's a bit richer in that regard but I mean this movie does stand alone like they never needed to make a sequel to this movie it was perfect it is perfect it is exactly a number it's perfect I love it I watch it every two to three years but I mean only because I've seen it a million

times but I get the I get the I know, I think I watched it last year. Maybe it's kind of once every year. It's about once every two years for me. And this is probably my favorite Star Wars movie, I'd say. Empire is right there. It's always been neck and neck for me. Yeah.

But, I mean, it holds up so well, and I think it holds up so well, specifically because of the jankiness of it. Like the fumbliness of it, there is some magic to that. And, like, knowing that it was just this, like, scrappy band of fucking filmmakers who wanted to make this huge movie. And that energy is still there completely when you watch it. Yeah, I think I agree exactly with what Chris said. I mean, I used to always be an empire first guy, but the older I get, and the more I

watch this stuff, because I watch these, at least once a year, and it's just Star Wars itself is such a perfect movie, because like you said, Steve, it could just exist on its own. It is just a perfect little pill of a movie where Empire does feel like a bridge. I love it. It's a great page. I'd like to walk across it every so often, but I just find this movie. So for me

it's Star Wars Empire Jedi and I do love Jedi too. I was just going to say that I think here today, I've been a 213 guy my entire life. I've one come around, I think people who like shit on Jedi, that's

wrong. That movie's awesome. But I think hearing the arguments today and I've honestly never thought. about it, but the idea that Star Wars could have just been a standalone thing and it's not wrapped up in anything else really. That we knew, I mean, now that we have the bigger picture it's wrapped up in a ton of stuff, obviously.

But like, yeah, I think now I am a straight one, two, three guy with one and two being like so very close together. That works. But yeah, like Empire can't stand alone. And this can. And I think that's cool. And I revisit like once a year probably.

And I mean, like, you know, and a lot of people had their hands. in this obviously but I mean we haven't talked John Williams is fantastic when that dude dies fucking light all the candles in the world because the guy contributing to music

like nobody light the joints up buddy but we make a lot of fun of him all the time but all credits George Lucas like and he didn't do this alone but all credit to George Lucas he was the the idea man he got this and he made this movie and he made this movie

and he made all the movies but he made this wow did he make all the other movies well he made this one in the pre-ecals, yeah. Yes, no, but you know what I mean. Like, he produced. I know we, I love to kick the shit out of Lucas just because he won't let me see the original theatricals in there. Yep. It's true. Let me see the movie I grew up with, which is like a shitty dad. You know what I mean? Like it's like, thanks, man. You're too grown up for this. Well, yeah, that's the thing. It's like having a shitty dad, you know, and I was 15 and he wouldn't let me have the top shelf shit. And now I'm fucking 35 and I still can't have it. And it just drives me nuts. That's why I really kick him a lot. But. But yes, all credit to him for creating this universe that had a very positive effect and very, very negative effect on my life. I was going to say on society as a whole. Yeah, actually, that's true. Double-edged lightsaber, my friend.

Absolutely. And that concludes what is officially the longest episode and we hate movies history. Thank you so much for continuing to support the Patreon. Until next time, I'm Andrew Jupin. Stephen Zedak. Chris Gavin. Eric Sisker. Take it easy.

Thank you.